#rip all 3 of my favorite characters this is how i'm coping

[mistresscitrusslice]

Help me pick flowers for the Meljayvik funeral: Jayce

Seeing as their impending death is fast approaching, it would only be polite to have preparations in place.

Fly high, Jayce. 🫡💔🕊️

[wispstalk]

20 questions for writers

under the cut. Thanks to @everybodyknows-everybodydies for tagging🖤

Tagging back: @nuwanders @jiubilant @ervona @ehlnofay @druidx @blossom-adventures @sylvienerevarine @throughtrialbyfire @da3drat no pressure

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Five

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

198327

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just elder scrolls. I have a feeling that's gonna be it for me. I've been tempted to write stardew valley fic lately which would perhaps be classed as "crack" (I know what that is in theory but the way people use it makes no sense to me) but I took a cursory look at the tag and I don't think the stardew valley fandom is ready for a ray fic lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well. I have five.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try 🫠 it haunts me how often I've left my beloved mutuals on read..... but if that's u and I did, I am telepathically beaming this: !!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Making out sloppy style etc etc

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

lol. lmao even

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

.....within AO3 I guess it's "Morning" but also that's set at a refugee camp? I will say the skyrim story will have a more peaceful ending but up until now fic writing has been an outlet for my thwarted rage and covid brain damage soooo

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I mean this is generally a culture of positive feedback. Someone did yell at me once for hitting martin septim with the transgender beam which is a level of no-life-havin loserdom which could be classed as "hate" but came off as pure cope and seethe

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I really bristle at the word smut sorry its too cutesy. I was a prodomme for seven years I don't do euphemisms lol. I wrote a sex scene into IITT to see how I felt about writing sex scenes. I learned that I am only interested in writing them if they serve specific functions. I have absolutely zero judgment toward anyone who wants to write about fuckin and suckin, that's just not why I'm here

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No but recently my household watched game of thrones together and my bf and his brother were cracking jokes like what if one of these medieval characters had a gundam. Neither of them read fic so I was like don't be too entertained by yourselves. I bet that has been written. looked it up on ao3 and sure as shit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I'm not gonna lie I did find a fic where someone very obviously ripped me off but I don't wanna call them out. One specific instance where they bit my style was so clumsily applied as to be obvious, but their prose in general was fantastic so like. who care.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not as far as I know but that would make me holler

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope. I'm not opposed to the idea but it's hard to imagine how I'd do this given my process. I think I'd be pretty difficult to work with

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

?!? I dunno I don't have one. I put a lot of effort into writing martinhok but I could not say that one, due to how overwhelmingly heterosexual the tag is. I'm sorry but can everyone who's not a faggot please pipe down

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have my moments with the skyrim wip. I've signed myself up for something pretty complicated and challenging but I also learned that I can finish things so I'm not really worried about it. The fact of the matter is: I do not care if this is good. It matters that it is done so I can move on with my life. If parts of it are boring and overlong that's yalls problem

16. What are your writing strengths?

I get a lot of compliments on my worldbuilding. I do think a lot about the minutiae of material culture and think I have a talent for incorporating detail in engaging ways

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a cornball. This is a corny activity. I don't really care because I'm doing it for free. Enjoy the unsolicited view into an internet stranger's terrible psyche

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I try to apply with a light hand. I'm a dumbass sheltered American and I can mostly make myself understood in a Spanish-speaking country but that's about it. I like playing around with language and the idea of multilingual societies matters to me so I include it, but I'm not a linguist so I try to work within my limits. Whether I am successful at this is up to others.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Elder scrolls. Never felt compelled until i spent a winter playing oblivion and went wow this game has an incredibly bleak narrative behind a silly aesthetic. Oops now I'm in a lore pit

20. Favorite fic you've written?

The Nature of Fire is my best prose hands down. I'm gonna be real with y'all I am desperate for people to read it. It is genuinely the best I can do at this point and if you like what I've done so far, well, whatever u read sucks compared to this fic.

[daincrediblegg]

How did you come up with Lady Terror?

OH THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION!!! Well. The short answer is that I watched The Terror again after a few years and needed to jump that grumpy old irish man immediately because he's so sad and outcast and pathetic, so I did what I usually do, which is wedge myself as hard as possible into the canon, slap a cool nickname onto it, and that was that.

But as many of you know, I'm not into short answers. So here we go.

Honestly, the process of developing Lady Terror has been a really interesting one. As I've explained before she was initially meant to be part of a more sci-fi centric AU based loosely off of 1899 in which she is a physical manifestation of the ship, but the way she developed from there is entirely due to three factors, 1) my friend's staunch encouragement (some of whom are still around, some of whom have deactivated, alas), 2) the Gothic Literature, film theory (which was very philosophically heavy), and the women gender and sexuality classes I was taking last year and 3) my staunch love for Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre reemerging in my consciousness at the time. These elements combined really gave me a sense of purpose when thinking about the relationship dynamics that I wanted to put forward with Francis and Lady Terror because I can absolutely never in my life just throw my self-inserts in all willy nilly because I am of the firm and staunch belief, which has been reinforced by my studies of all genres, that romance has the capability to be as radical and philosophical as any other, and where Crozier is concerned, I think he has so much potential as a romantic figure to break a lot of the common conventions that proliferate the genre, and put together with a figure like Lady Terror, it just makes my brain go brrrrr in a way that a lot of pairings with him just... don't.

Because the focus of their relationship is on the complexities, horror and fear of love. These are two people who have been ostracized in different ways but recognize in each other that ostracization, but beyond that, their capability that continues to be stifled by a social order that is designed to keep them in their place. I've talked a lot about how Francis is probably my favorite to do think work on because he's both a colonized subject but he's also a colonizer and that's his big struggle throughout the series (mirrored, perhaps, only by Hickey), but Lady Terror mirrors him in a unique way in that she is a privilaged colonized subject, and the unique experience that that entails connects them in a way that he doesn't share with a lot of characters, and one that I think is fascinating to explore.

Because like god. What if you were all that but also truly loved? Not to be confused with devotion, adoration, admiration, or with simply being seen. What if you were loved with those things, but also then for your mind, your humor, your ability to reject and rebel against that social order, and still be loved in a way that was barred to you because the social order that you were born into is designed to continue to reject you on every level? What if then you found it in a place that wants you dead? What do you do with that love? Knowing and fearing that you will be rejected again or, even more horrifying, that it could be ripped away from you at any moment because, again, this place wants you dead. You could not be more equally as lucky and as damned. But then also you wonder if this small and sacred thing can do anything at all? does it have the capacity to change things? Does the reinforcement that the union brings matter at all to anyone else? And how do you cope with that? All questions that I'm hoping to pose with them. I don't have strict answers for all of those questions, of course, but perhaps some hints in certain directions. But I hope to put them through their paces in this way.

... but also. Fundamentally, at the end of the day, I did come up with Lady Terror because I want to fuck that old man so bad it makes me look stupid. But also I'm a lit major and if I don't get freaky with it I'll die. Just how it goes with me, I guess.

[night-heron-writes]

Episode 10 Promo Video/Predictions

So, like a lot of y'all, I'm not thrilled to see Misaki again, but I'm not surprised. We've known she has a bigger part to play in the series than just in episode 3 for a while now, with the opener and the staff interviews. I'm hoping that she's returned for a good (plot-relevant and not contrived) reason. Ideally, the reason that makes the most sense is that Kyutaro masterminded the whole thing to keep Miri out of the conflict we all know is coming.

I'd be less than thrilled if Misaki simply had a "change of heart" and wants Miri back because of that. I had a decent amount of respect for her because she was able to admit she wasn't cut out to be a mother, and a lot of my respect for her would go away if she did a 180° turn in regards to motherhood. Even if she has a "change of heart" can she really give Miri a better, more loving home than she has with Rei and Kazuki?

The title of the episode is "Lost at Sea", which usually means "adrift", and it can apply to lots of our characters. Rei and Kazuki will almost certainly feel lost after their family with Miri is ripped away from them again. Misaki will likely feel adrift having to cope with parenting again, after having not had to for the better part of a year. Miri is drifting between her two families, and probably won't understand where her papas have gone or why she's back with Misaki.

In the PV we see a clip of our main trio back in their favorite store, shopping for Miri again, likely as a going away present or something similar. But if you look closely, you'll notice Kazuki is moving around exaggeratedly, like in episode 6 when he was trying to convince Miri not to hate him. He's probably trying to act normal about having to give Miri back and failing miserably.

We also see them approaching what's likely a fairground/amusement park, perhaps as part of Miri's big send-off. That might be where they're meeting Misaki to give Miri back to her? Probably safer for everyone involved than either Rei's apartment or the shady bar Misaki was working at in episode 3. Interestingly enough, we only see Kazuki and Rei's faces while they're on the Ferris Wheel, nothing to tell us if Miri is there or not. I also found the role reversal here interesting: Kazuki is the one with a closed off expression, while Rei is showing his feelings (of shock? surprise? anger?) more openly. Kazuki might be saying that Misaki will be able to give Miri a better life (whether he believes is is another thing entirely), and Rei might be realizing that wanting to protect his family doesn't just mean from his father boss, but also from other circumstances that try to tear them apart. It would be interesting to see him take a more active role in here in the last arc of the series, since the family was largely founded without his input.

Overall, this episode is likely going to be somber from start to finish. We've entered the final arc of the series, and the stakes are getting higher. What is Kyutaro going to do? The ball is still very much in his court, and I have a hunch that Misaki's reappearance is his doing. Though how tf did he manage to stall until Decemeber if he got the request for information in August? FOUR MONTHS? HOW????

I'm a little surprised at how many people are convinced the show will go to shit now that Misaki has showed up again. We knew she had more to do than just episode 3, and from what we know this seems logical. I have faith in the writing team, since thus far the writing has been amazing. I just hope they do Misaki's character justice. I think she's an interesting character who's been well handled so far and I hope they continue that. The writers have done a good job dealing with complicated issues and showing the nuances of things, so I'm fairly confident they'll continue to do that here.

[ponykidcurtis]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @tawaifeddiediaz thank u beloved rat <3

how many works do you have on AO3?

30

what’s your total AO3 word count?

82,125

what fandoms do you write for?

just 911 right now!

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

find me in the dark — delayed concussion for buck after buck begins caffeine daydreams — college + coffee shop au, buck as a student & eddie as a barista kiwing me softly — buck finds out he's allergic to kiwis nobody ought to be alone on christmas — eddie invites buck for family christmas when he learns he plans to spend the day alone i (don't) wanna get better — eddie finds out about buck's unhealthy coping mechanisms (self harm tw for this one)

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try to, and i definitely respond to names i recognize, but i usually end up forgetting or getting overwhelmed by the number of comments on a new fic and then never go back once it slows down and then i feel bad...

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i literally don't write unhappy endings lmao but i do have one (outlined but never properly written) where buck's dog dies. like that's the fic. the dog dies

what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

all of my fics end happy <3 but probably nobody ought to be alone on christmas bc (spoiler alert) they have their first kiss in the light of the christmas tree and its DISGUSTING how fluffy that fic is

do you get hate on fics?

haven't yet but who knows what'll happen

do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope

do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope. i have some au ideas but not crossovers

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of but i've read some that are. suspiciously close to my own

have you ever had a fic translated?

no

have you ever co-written a fic before?

i attempted to and then we both forgot <3 it will not be finished <3

what’s your all time favorite ship?

buddie for sure

what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO many. bad birthday fic...mystery spot fic...mega [redacted] fic...so many

what are your writing strengths?

idk lmao i think characterization, in terms of like. keeping accurate to canon characters. and angst/whump being delicious but not overly unrealistic

what are your writing weaknesses?

that i'm fucking incapable of writing anything fast ever in my Life. and also repeating myself/repeating specific words too much and then i have to edit a lot

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

love it when reading but i don't speak any other languages so i don't do it myself

first fandom you wrote for?

voltron rip

favorite fic you’ve written?

find me in the dark is my baby, my true love, etc. i hated it the entire time i was writing it but by the time i was done i was convinced i was god

i'll tag @renecdote @nymika-arts @deareddie @lovebuck @bigfootsmom and @icarusbuck

[erigold13261]

You like monsters. Gnarly teeth. Horror aesthetics. And that’s totally valid!

I fucking love monsters so much! I advocate so badly for monster films and how horror now-a-days is a lot more psychological or supernatural horror instead of slasher or monster.

Like I'm pretty sure that's because of the times (like there's a theory that the horror of the time period reflects the populations fears either in a direct or subtle way), but I want to go back to good fucking monster designs in horror movies!

All to often it's just a person with makeup on! (and I don't mean prosthetic makeup, but like literally just body paint and nothing else) I get that it might be a budget thing, but I really want to see stuff like the Xenomorph or Jeepers Creepers (I know how bad that series was/is because of the creator, but I genuinely loved 1 and 2, one of the only series I would say that I liked the sequel more than the orignal. 3 fucking sucked), like full on monsters who barely look humanoid or might not be human at all!

Anyway, it's also funny how you say I like gnarly teeth because I didn't even think of that! Though I do love me some teeth. I've had plenty of dreams of eating teeth and LOVED pulling out my teeth as a kid and looked forward to dentist appointments where I knew I would get needles in my mouth to numb my gums in order to rip out my teeth. Heck I even ripped out two totally perfect baby teeth that weren't loose while watching Insidious (I think it was that, or the Conjuring, idk) because I was having fun! (also one of my favorite songs is Losing Teeth by The Scarring Party lol).

Definitely love me the horror aesthetics! It brings me comfort! Probably because I started watching horror and death shows when I was way too young. First horror movie I watched was either the Fair Haired Child or Dead Silence. One being a horror movie that ended in love and one that revolved around puppets and dolls, both having grotesque imagery and contorting bodies.

So those two movies probably had a greater impact on me than I realized considering how much I love mannequins, puppets, dolls, and why I associate love with horror!

It could also be that I was neglected as a kid, which is why I was able to watch things like the Human Centipede when I was like 10 years old, and used those horror movies as comfort to my anxiety riddled brain to try and cope with death so I saturated myself with death and horror in the hopes of finding love in the subject but all it did was fill me with more anxiety which then turned horror characters into love interests because that was the only way I could take that subject/genre/thoughts and make it "good" enough for me not to have constant panic attacks of dying.

(Off topic, but also there was this horror movie I watched even earlier than that, like I was definitely around 5 or 6, where these people were at some point in a mine shaft/cave system and were running away from this ghost who was under the control of this guy who would drop his blood on the ground to make the ghost kill people. I watched it around the same time as I watched the first Tremors movie, but I can't find the ghost movie. I think the main characters, a guy and girl, won by feeding the blood guy into a rotating machine through control of the ghost somehow, but that might be an entirely different movie I watched as a kid around that same time. Heck the movie might not have been a horror movie at all, it could have been a different genre or a tv show idk, I just know that those scenes stuck with me and I want to try and find that movie/show again).

Okay, you probably didn't want to read my little psychoanalysis of myself, but I had fun! (it's always fun seeing someone tell something about me that I didn't realize and me trying to find out why I do said thing). Thanks for sending this ask in! :D

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

Howdy-doo, Kat! 11, 20, 22,23 43,44, 33, 39, and 49 if you please?🥰

ngl the fact that these weren't in order threw me off more than i'm willing to admit

im also sorry for posting late!!! i was dead af yesterday and it took me 3 hours to write this jakdfkdf

come bother me with some writer asks! :3

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

so im bad at doing research LMAO. but also because i never write with the intent to publish so i've never stressed too much about it. tbh i write a lot of canon divergent self-inserts so most of my research is actually making sure i get all the details for that right. like for this college fic i'm barely doing research on it, basically just asking my husband what phd life is like lol. but for the canonverse fic after that, i'm going to be scouring the animanga to make sure i have the correct details

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

100% the shutting-you-up-thru-kissing trope jkdjfkdjf it makes me fall to my knees

22. describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

oh lord uh so i have an idea. usually through rambling to someone or even sometimes a dream LMAO. and then i write it down on my google docs because adhd-brain will make me forget it if i dont write it down. and then i just kinda...find myself daydreaming about it? i've always kinda coped with life by daydreaming about selfships/self-inserts so it naturally just happens. and sometimes when i daydream something that seems cool, i'll write it down to flesh into an idea later. when i outline, i focus on dialogue mostly. i feel like it carries more naturally and then i can make little comments in the margins over how to narrate it. (outlining chapters also makes everything so much easier - hence why i'm trying to finish outlining this college fic before i start publishing :3) when i actually sit to write, it's pretty easy with the outline already done. it just consists of making things sound smooth and not repetitive. sometimes I *really* get into the flow of it and diverge from the outline and that's when I need to step back and go like "what am I writing about again?" (this is why outlines are a godsend for me jdkfjkdf)

23. how do you deal with writers block?

idk HOW DO I, IM GOING THRU IT RN ok so when im writing for myself i just kinda give up and trust that i'll get back to it eventually but when im writing with the intent of publishing...idk. as i said before, i tend to daydream a lot at baseline, so a lot of the times, that's enough to rip me out of it if i come up with a good enough idea

33. do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

characters! well, main characters. side characters i insert into depending on plot, like if i need a role to be filled.

39. are you an avid reader?

uh well, i have pulled allnighters just so i can finish reading a fic in one sitting so yeah id say so jkasdjfkdsjf

43. how did writing change you?

idk if it was just bc i started in my formative years but like it's kinda part of my identity at this point like who am i if not someone who writes porn and angst about a 2D man in all fairness, writing was like my way of coping when things got rly bad in high school, so i drew comfort from it and then at one point, i wrote regularly enough that i started doing it for real

44. any writing advice you want to share?

biggest thing i'll tell any writer whether they're new or experienced: write as if no one is ever going to read it. because then you'll just write it. prioritize writing for you. it's what gives you enjoyment, you just happen to sometimes share it for others as well. i found writing to be much more enjoyable that way and people just happen to like some of the stuff i post idk jadkfjkdf like i'm even trying to embody this when i write multi-chapter fics that i intend to publish

49. do you want to be published some day?

ehhhhhhhhh not for money in an official sense? i like writing fanfic. i like writing as a content creator, not as like as official author that gets printed copies and is subject to random critic comments. although the attention and appreciation for my writing would be nice (like if there's fanfic on it LMAO), it's never my intention :) i write for my enjoyment

[nemaliwrites]

i read your ml pirate fic and i like it a lot! i was wondering, do you have any recs for others?

oh hey, sure thing! i'm gonna preface this by saying I don't read many fics, but here are some that I've read and really love:

Bakery Enemies AU by @buggachat

honestly i don’t know if there’s anyone out there who hasn’t read this at this point, but in case you haven’t, go give it a read, you won’t regret it

the thing you love the most is the detriment (let that sink in) by @runnfromtheak

introspection + character study is always my jam, and this one certainly does not disappoint. a look at marinette post chat blanc and how she copes (or fails to)

anything by Reiaji

probably one of my favorite writers ever (i rec the last day on earth in particular, i love it, 10/10)

Flowers on the Window Sill by @lnc2

for all my fellow Ladrien enjoyers out there

1 step forward, 3 steps back. by @agnes-is-wright

if you want something that will rip your heart out but in the best way possible, read this

1000 Days by @engineerdz

angst with a happy ending + non linear narrative is a match made in heaven

how hawkmoth got his groove back by @agrestenoir

some fun crack if you wanna laugh

Hey, Ribbons by @annaethchase

an au where felix is the first chat noir and his brother adrien takes over - this might will definitely make you cry

Ping by meeble

social media au, instant serotonin

Those Benevolent Stars by @peachcitt

another one for my ladrien enjoyers out there (also recommend anything by this author, their stuff slaps)

All My Life by Faithxoxo

some real cute shit

when you're near by @buggachat

this one is super cute but also might make you cry

the jig is up, the news is out by @engineerdz

identity reveal but for the rest of the world, cool concept + awesome excecution

what's written in the stars by @agrestenoir

can i get a whoop whoop for time travel fics

first sight (we love without reason) by @agrestenoir

probably one of my favorite fics in the fandom; a soulmate fic that will rip your heart out, step all over it, and eat it for breakfast

and of course, it would be amiss of me not to say anything by this author

[noa-ciharu]

003 for both Subaru and Kamui??? 💕💕

YES! Two sad gay disasters i LOVE them <3

I’ll skip fave friendship one because I’ll put that under favorite non-romantic relationships.

Subaru:

How I feel about this character: sad little unfixable man. Every character ever is getting character development, he got character regression (joking obvs since his whole character is based on tragedy where he can't break free from self-destructive patterns and see worth in himself; nonexistent coping mechanisms 😞). I like how complex/human he is. That part of how his innocence was ripped away from him and how he entered adulthood broken and lonely - it hits too hard. I love how despite everything he's been through he's still kind and considerate (I'd say put others before himself but that one turned pathological in his case). For example, when he was blinded Subaru's priority was to comfort Kamui and explain how none of it is his fault - all while bleeding to death pretty much. My new OTP: Subaru and therapy! (Unrealistic)

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: I used to ship him with Seishirou only but now I ship him with Kamui too. Beside that, I'm rarely strictly against ship so any reasonable ship with another male would be okayish to me I guess?

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: ofc Hokuto! I love how she grounds his worries and reminds Subaru to take care of himself. Also Subaru totally needs someone cheerful and bubbly like that to bring him out of his blues from time to time (that thing with Yuzuruha in hospital scene in X was cute also, but I feel like Subaru was far too gone by that point to be 'brought out of misery' via cheerfulness). If we're not shipping him with Kamui then their friendship too.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I think I mentioned this before but I like his clothing style in X? It’s significantly toned down from some of his outfits in TB. And that’s the whole point - he doesn’t want to stand out and probably feels more comfortable ‘in the shadows’ like that. Also his selflessness and self-sacrifice in TB is certainly praise-worthy but it also pathological? One thing is to empathize with other’s pain, but quite another to feel that amount of pain and wish to help others at cost of your own wellbeing (allowed to be attacked/injured few times, wanted to donate a kidney to boy he met day ago, self-neglect etc.). Yet even if selflessness is his major trait, he certainly possesses ability to be selfish and ‘less than pure’ (and that’s good!). Similarly Subaru does have a backbone and won’t back down when something isn’t right with him. Just unfortunately has critically low self-value and rarely, if ever, fights for himself 😥 It’s always for someone/something else.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: therapy I wish we got to see some of Subaru during 9 years time skip. How did his wish change into suicidal one? When did he realize he’s “sick in the heart” as he put it? What about cigs? Gradually getting more and more distant? When did anger subdue? Wish we got vol or two separate manga on that period. Also Sakurazukamori!Subaru, so want to see how he handles being an assassin and if he’s more well put than prior to Seishirou’s death (or if he got even worse). Also I wish we got a longer fighting scene between him and Seishirou, filled with tension and more angst (but X is shojo and all fighting scenes are actually hella short). Also his ceremonial robes 🥺

My crossover ship: I think Sakurazukamori!Subaru and TRC!Seishirou meeting in X!Tokyo would make an interesting and angsty fic. TB!Subaru and X!Kamui would make a cute (and blushing) combo - and we already have them in Horitsuba. They’d hold hand and blush to point of passing out pretty much. As for friendships, I think Subaru and Watanuki would get along. Also in TRC if vampire twins were to meet again (under more calm circumstances) with main gang, I believe Subaru would get along with them instantly. Kamui tho, he’d need time to get domesticated but would accept them eventually (after Kurogane calls him out on being a hissing cat most likely).

Kamui:

How I feel about this character: he gradually became one of my fav clamp characters; second actually after Subaru. I like how confused he is about world around him and himself and character shift he undergoes through. At first he was lashing out in misguided attempt to protect not only those he cares about, but himself as well (still, I like what little fierce brat he was, bc his actions did make perfect sense considering his background). Then after tragedy struck, instead of fighting recklessly he seals the holy sword and seeks answers instead. He softens from all hardships, matures and begins forming connections with others instead of pushing people away. Truly an unique character arc since most of protagonists go in reverse. Also how Clamp made him so goddamn beautiful like that, I have no idea.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: I ship him mostly with Fuuma and Subaru. Since X is basically Kamui and people who got to caress his cheek and pat his hair, I suppose I wouldn’t mind ship with Keiichi or some other male character. That puppy crush thing with Kotori was cute but idk, I have hard time picturing anything more serious than that between them. I honestly doubt anyone ships them for real tho. I know half of Clamp's characters are bi but I have hard time picturing Kamui with a woman tbh

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: friendship he has with Seals (mainly Sorata, Yuzuriha) and one with Keiichi. He seems draw towards cheerful optimistic sun-type of people - they can lift his mood up at least. Same as above, if we’re not shipping them, then Kamui’s friendship with Subaru.

My unpopular opinion about this character:I don’t think he’s weak at all? Emotionally I mean (bc he’s physically OP, a god basically). Yes he grieves, he angsts and regrets things but considering all traumas and hardships he’s been through that’s all to be expected. Take TB!Subaru for example and try to place him in Kamui’s place - he wouldn’t be able to take it imo (bc of self-destructive amount of empathy and self-blaming tendencies; Kamui has them too but when something bad happens Kamui thinks of himself as incompetent, not a bad person). Excluding that one time after Fuuma’s ‘betrayal’ and Kotori’s death when he had nothing to live for, Kamui managed to push himself over every highly traumatic thing (sometimes with little help of others). Tho, whatever his real wish is there is a very good reason why Kamui is unaware of it; it’s probably ego-dystonic to him and he subconsciously rejects it. Also once saw people bashing on TRC!Kamui for attacking main crew and almost murdering Syaoran but? I think his actions were reasonable considering: what type of world acid Tokyo is (short on resources), Subaru being asleep underwater and Kamui wanting to wake him up asap, main crew are strangers to him, Seishirou potentially catching up with them etc. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: clamp let him have one angst free day plz beside obvious X ending I wish we got to see more mundane carefree moments with Seals. Of course, X isn’t that sort of manga so we should count our blessings that we were given at least some cute moments between Seals (such as friendship between Sorata and Kamui (how Sorata said Kamui would be great housewife and Kamui just, didn’t react 🤣) or one with Yuzuriha (that cookie scene 🥺)). Beside that, I wish he’d just sit down and talk with Fuuma. No fighting and stabbing (not even homoerotic one, it'd serve as distraction), no shouting, no omission or double meanings - just honest (and probably angsty) conversation. But I feel like that would solve the apocalypse so it’s understandable something like that didn’t happen.

My crossover ship: same as above, X!Kamui and TB!Subaru would make a cute pair; two blushing idiots in love and neither knows how to make a move - sign me the fuck up. TRC!Kamui (yes, that feisty one) and X!Fuuma after his transformation would be fire 🔥😈 They’d argue, fight (TRC!Kamui would sooo fight back instantly, might even attack first), then make-out furiously. Fic material honestly. Since Kamui has no idea how to handle overly eager people, for friendship I suggest Tomoyo. She’ll put those cat ears on him under 5 mins. Similarly if Hokuto was alive in X she’d so dote on him and Kamui would have no clue how to handle that since he’s bad with overly eager people. She’d rope him into one of her creations 300%

Original ask

[charmspoint]

2, 3, 21, + 22?

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

It was on fanfiction and I deleted it and the world will never know :)

Other than I don't think im THAT embarrassed by any of my up works because if i was....i'd delete them lmaooo. I'm frustrated by some of them, I think i could have done a lot better, but I'm not embaressed.

And that says a lot because my old fanfiction also includes like an oc insert wish fulfilment group project, cringe and proud, peace and love <3

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

I plan out of order but I write front to back because that's how's easiest for me to like, make sure everything is paced decently and makes sense and continuity isn't all over the place. Coincidentally i wrote curse au favorite scenes first and then had to do a bunch of editing on those scenes to account for how things changed along the way. For example the og version of yuta chapter included a bunch of exposition about how satoru n suguru are connected and how they share feelings and thoughts between each other and that got cut out because at that point it was well established and didn't need to be exposited about extra

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

Fanfiction era: 'Ah....that had potential...wish she fucking planned ANYTHING ABOUT IT'

Early AO3 era: 'oh there is so much rust on that but she sure is trying'

hjbjhbj i'm doing my best to be kind to my younger selves lately. fanfiction me was a highschooler riding hard on some really bad emotions and just ripping characters apart to cope, early ao3 me...she just really needed practice to be honest. There's a whole era in there that I refer to as cleaning up the clogged up sink. You know, I haven't written anything seriously in a good while and all the rust and dirt got clogged up and had to be washed out. And you have to go through the filthy water before getting to clean water no? Honestly I feel like my older work has been marked by trying really hard, failing, getting frustrated and quitting, so I'm really happy to be in an era of my writing where im actually satisfied and able to accomplish my aim like almost all of the time (even if i sometimes cry to ker about it ily ker <3)

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

There are and they are like very squicky for me so i honestly dont want to write them down you know all that 'hey dont put down on paper things people can use as ammunition against you' hjbhjbj but yeah there are. I get close to them sometimes, but I have never really seriously sat down to explore the things that really freak me out. Maybe in the future i will, maybe i wont, i guess thats for me to know

ask game

[mistresscitrusslice]

Help me pick flowers for the Meljayvik funeral: Viktor

Seeing as their impending death is fast approaching, it would only be polite to have preparations in place.

You live on in our hearts, Viktor. 😔💔🕊️

[pop-punklouis]

Hi loveee 💞

You might be right bc the first time I've heard my older cat hiss was when we showed her our younger cat lmaoo

Yesss attachment theory is so interesting I truly think it helps you understand yourself and others!

No exactly. That or I need someone to like encourage me. Being a perfectionist and having a fear of failure AND procrastinating are the unholy Trinity it runs together. The only reason I didn't abandon painting after a day is bc I somehow was okay at it. You bet your ass I've never watched a single tutorial I simply don't have the patience. I'm either decent naturally or it's not for me 💀

Re: fandom friends: I wholeheartedly agree

Re: shows. Nooo how do you do that 😭 I can't even watch more than one show at a time (unless they're all ongoing shows). I automatically go for light shows as like, coping but I also feel like watching several complex ones at once would be me if I wanted to cope but HARDCORE jfhfhf. Ooh I kinda get that. I liked ST season 3 simply for vibes and aesthetic and like, robin. I thought season 4 (while incredibly different from all seasons) was kinda cool but they kinda ended it messily which sucks. Guess we see where they go for the finale. Supernatural was good then bad then good then wtf?? Then good 👀 then the ending was: trauma I deserve compensation 😭 I do enjoy the earlier black mirror eps more but also I'll eat up more if they did more. White bear is a fav. I also like shut up and dance. I should rewatch it all I've got terrible memory. And I'll deffo be watching midnight mass!

Re: food. Oooh yes Mac and cheese. Simple yet so good. For me I think just Italian food. Pasta. I could have pasta for the rest of my life I think it's just so good.

For today: saw that you're graduating!! Congrats! But that made me realize I didn't know what you're graduating in, so if you feel like sharing, what did you study? Is this a postgrad? Future plans? (I usually hate this question so you can skip the last one!)

Have a wonderful day babe 💗

~🌱

hiiiii babe sorry this is so late this week has been so busy rip but!! i love that about you painting. yeah, i have to at least see some sort of potential in a skill or else i abandon it all together 💀 see! i’m like the opposite of a procrastinator?? if i see i have to do something like three weeks in advance i will think about it obsessively until i do it even though i still have like three weeks to have it done rip it’s so bad. i stress myself over something like i’ve got two days to do it instead of 18 days 🙃 but anyway yeah tutorials have never been my forte either. i like watching paint tutorial videos to help calm my mind down to sleep at night but otherwise

re: shows dude i KNOW i’m truly a masochist with my own brain watching shows. if i’m not watching three at a time i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s so bad. i could never watch multiple shows with other people because it would be a mess 👐🏼 omg how did i forget about robin yesss season 3 of ST had it’s good moments and i loved the robin character introduction. i think i would’ve liked season 4 a lot more if they had stuck to the original lore of the series instead of throwing new thinks in for shock value and plot twists to create new monsters and villains. and holy shit i forgot about the shut up and dance episode of black mirror that was also a really cool one. maybe i also need to rewatch the seasons again. but fr if they came out with more i’d watch them in a heartbeat. pls update me on midnight mass!!! also i recommend you watch 1899 too. i just finished it and i wish i was able to watch it again for the first time. it’s too good ✨

re: food. please love how pasta is both of our favorite foods. what kind of pasta is your favorite? i love cheese tortellini if i had to choose (besides mac & cheese of course)

and yes!! i graduated wednesday with my masters in film & media studies 🥺💕 i truly very little future plans at the moment besides relaxing for the next 5 or so months at home while i figure out what i want to do rip i have a lot of experience in a lot of different things in the industry but nothing has really grabbed me rip would rather just work in an antique store (own one is the dream) for the rest of my life. would be v happy i think 👐🏼

how has your week been? 🤍 have you done any christmas shopping? (if you celebrate!) i feel like christmas has just came so quickly i’m scrambling to do all the shopping and decorating two weeks out 😮‍💨 we just decorated our tree last week so it’s been frantic lol

[taz-writes]

What's Violet like (I LIVE for gorgeous and deadly fairies)? Are she and Lavender really close? What powers does she possess exactly??? What's her arc throughout the series?? Also, in terms of character rankings, who is your second main character, Aelia or Violet?? Sorry for the bombard of questions, I just really love Violet! (also, I'm pretty sure you've answered this before but I can't find it anymore, what's her sexuality??)

thank you for the questions!!! I love Violet so much, I consider her one of my best characters just because of how many layers she’s grown for herself. Her story is really close to my heart. 

Shortest answer first, I don’t think either Aelia or Violet is more important? They serve different roles in the story by nature, and they both have their places. Which one is the secondary “main” character depends a lot on which part of the story you’re looking at. In book 1, Vi’s actually more of an antagonist than a hero. She’s mean. Aelia’s a tertiary lead, because she can’t physically contribute to the plot, she has to do everything through long-distance communications. Violet is the secondary protagonist in book 2, where she does the bulk of her character growth. Aelia’s the secondary protagonist in book 3, which is all about her arc. In book 4, they’re about equal, but Aelia’s more relevant to Sayara’s plot. 

As for what Violet’s like, well. She’s a born and bred tsundere. She cares a lot about her family and friends, she’s very defensive of them, but if you try to get close to her emotionally then she will viciously defend herself as well. She also refuses to admit when she cares about people most of the time.... she desperately wants a white knight romance where she’ll get swept off her feet and whisked off into the sunset, but at this rate, she’s too cranky for that to ever happen. She’s a very private person, to the point where even the people she cares most about don’t always know what’s going on inside her head. She masks all her ‘softer’ personality traits under a sharp pointy facade of responsibility and protection, she considers it her duty to be the heiress and be the protector of the family so that nobody else she loves has to. 

Violet and Lavender are very close. Vi tries to pull her tsundere act on Lavender constantly, but Lavender never buys it, and they know each other well enough that she never will. They share a psychic link, so they feel each other’s emotions and sometimes also each other’s physical pain. They definitely know when the other one is hurt. Despite this, after certain events in book 1, Violet shuts herself down and locks Lavender out of her thoughts for a while. She’s really depressed, and she’s one of those people who self-isolates a lot by instinct, so Lavender doesn’t know as much of what’s going on as she used to. 

-Vi’s a psychic! She specializes in the darker ‘attack’ side of mental magic. She can twist someone else’s mind and cause excruciating pain, she can read minds, she can keep herself from being read. She teleports very well even in book 1, she also has impressive telekinesis. Violet can do mind control. This is intimidating. The rules for mind control in Feilan are pretty strict--you must have eye contact to attempt control, the ball is always in the defender’s court and you must navigate their mind in order to dominate it, if eye contact breaks then the link is weakened and it’s easy to lose control, etc--but Vi knows how to use it. Plus, she’s theoretically capable of mirages and misleading literal Illusion magic, but she hasn’t trained this area of magic as thoroughly and doesn’t use it often. 

Violet’s primary magical element is Darkness, despite her favorite abilities being Illusion-based, so she can access some Dark magic too. This manifests as a cloud of shadow that won’t be easily pierced by Light magic or other means, or as a move I’ve nicknamed ‘air shatter’ which literally creates a controlled black hole and destroys everything near it. These are mostly book 3 abilities, which develop after her ninth or tenth evolution. 

Later on in the series, she also develops psychic foresight, which is exactly what it sounds like. She has the limited ability to (involuntarily) see bits and pieces of the future as defined by various decisions. These flashes are not binding truth, but they can act as guides, suggestions, or warnings. 

Upon her final evolutions, Violet develops into an animaris, which is a specific type of primary-Dark secondary-Illusion psychic with some cool unique abilities! She’ll be able to manipulate sound as well as vision, and use a form of mind control that’s more like puppeteering where she doesn’t need eye contact. The puppeteering magic is super scary, and very OP, and won’t manifest in time to be relevant to canon. It’s worth pointing out, though! I think it’s neat. 

-Violet’s canon arc is about cracking her shell and defrosting her bad attitude. She’s a secondary antagonist slash rival archetype for Sayara in book 1, but her overall series role is the lancer. Her serious attitude and dark outlook on life contrast Sayara’s optimism and brightness, and where Sayara wants to be responsible but doesn’t know how, Violet knows exactly how and never asked for this. They learn a lot from each other. 

See, Violet’s depressed, but Violet has worked herself into a mental state where she’s firmly convinced that she has no other option. She actively resists trying to get better and learning to cope with her PTSD because she believes it’s a waste of time, and she’s made herself into a martyr figure inside her head. She’s actually really toxic to be around in the long term, her adamant refusal to solve her own problems is ripping her family apart. She insists that she does everything to protect her sisters, and she really genuinely means that, but she also subconsciously expects them to fix her when she’s broken and deal with her mental issues without ever questioning them. She’s built up an image of what her family is in her head, and that’s what she sticks with, even as they grow and change and defy what Violet’s preconceptions of them are. She puts a lot of weight on Aelia in particular, because she has a single-minded obsession with Elli’s wellbeing, and she perceives Aelia’s desire for independence as some kind of slight against her. In her mind, when Aelia says “I need breathing room,” it actually means “I hate you and I don’t want your help and I’m going to let myself get killed out of spite.” When Aelia says “you should go see a therapist,” Violet hears “you’re weak and pathetic and can’t fulfill your job and responsibilities to our family.”  It’s bad. 

Over the series, Vi learns to calm down a little and trust that her family can handle themselves. The hair-trigger temper and instinctual distrust of literally everyone is the first thing to go--she has to accept that sometimes she doesn’t have access to the bigger picture, and she needs to wait for evidence before lashing out. She has to develop enough to accept Sayara’s apology in book 2 after Sayara says some fucked up shit, she has to develop enough to learn that not everyone is out to get her. Moving forward in the series, she’s still dealing with the anger issues, but she also starts learning to actually manage her mental health. Her depression/anxiety/PTSD/etc is screwing over her whole family, and that’s a serious problem, and that’s what she has to solve in the latter half of the series. By the end of book 4 she does give in and go see a fucking therapist for her problems. Everyone is very proud of her.

-Sadly, Vi is the token het in the cast, but I do have a funny story about how that happened. What with the psychic link between Violet and Lavender, it wasn’t easy! 

So the twins have this empathetic link, and they feel each other’s emotions, and the closer they are physically the stronger that bond is. As little kids, they spent a LOT of time together, and when they started having dumb little puppy crushes they couldn’t tell whose feelings were whose. The twins knew one of them liked boys and the other liked girls, so at first they assumed they were both straight b/c this was back when everyone thought Vi was a boy. But then they started wondering, because they weren’t really sure, Violet in particular was super insecure. There was some awkward 10-year-old flirting, everyone felt weird about everything, nobody knew what was going on. The twins were always inseparable. And then Vi came out, and things got even MORE confusing, because they started pretending they were identical, and it worked so well that no one could tell the two apart--even some of their love interests. And then they went on a summer trip overseas together and got involved in an Actual Preteen Love Dodecahedron... 

They didn’t actually figure out whose orientation was whose until they turned 15 and Lavender went on a study trip to a medical school in the south, so suddenly they were far enough apart to tell the difference. Lavender’s the gay one, Violet’s the straight one, it’s simple enough but it took them years and years to find out. Pro tips for parents: when your psychic kids start having soap opera level romantic drama, maybe get them to spend time by themselves for a bit? It might solve some things!

[mistresscitrusslice]

Help me pick flowers for the Meljayvik funeral: Mel

Seeing as their impending death is fast approaching, it would only be polite to have preparations in place.

We will never forget you, Mel. 😔🙏🏼🕊️