#right is the cleric here and he's the main character and is best friends with brent the black haired guy

[moeblob]

OCs today because I really missed them. Since I wanted details still but with less effort (aka no shading) I opted for their DND AU versions.

Not pictured: Paul (a Pauladin if you will) messing up and probably nearly dying for the fifth time.

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side A

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Temenos

so his whole thing is he's an inquisitor who is just fundamentally bad at being a priest on account of he does things like forgetting scripture and not being able to help but doubt the institution which gets everyone hes ever cared about killed. he's gay. he says shit like "careful, i bite". he's in yuri with a holy knight. he's one of my favorite characters and i want to beat him over the head with a cast iron skillet

fucked up gay little cleric who was supposed to grapple with the fact that the institution he serves is corrupt except he has been in doubt from the very beginning and very clearly doesnt put much stock in the scripture hes made it his lifes work to preach. hes kinda a freak with it. every line he speaks is said with the cadence of a gay guy checking under his nails while ignoring you as he talks. i have to hit him with mallets and shatter him into pieces.

This man is the world's worst clergyman. He's a high ranking member of the holy inquisition, but nobody respects him and he mostly just uses his position to investigate random murders for fun. He regularly forgets how the bible goes and little kids have to correct him on how the plot goes of the jrpg equivalent of jesus's resurrection. He has a holy knight for a boyfriend. He tortures people for information any other character can just ask for. His best friend out of the rest of the main 8 is an assassin and gang member. He tries to get people to commit crimes with him. His story is about uprooting the corruption in his church and killing high ranking church members and also Literal Fucking Jrpg satan. He regularly blasphemes and everyone around him looks in horror as he shouts at god and encourages people to become atheists. His catchphrase is "doubt is what I do." He is still somehow the most devout character in the entire game despite being a total fuck up of a cleric who does not deserve to be here whatsoever. Pls let him win it'd be SO FUNNY

Hes genuinely just the funniest guy. Very little about his story has to do with the faith but like. He routinely roasts the entire pantheon of in-universe gods. He beats people up (metaphorically of course) as one of his main game mechanics. He got stamped as the resident gayboy SO fast. His starliner definitely has higher intelligence than wisdom even though clerics use wisdom. Every chapter he appears in he solves a mystery by zoning out so hard his god blesses him with extremely vivid hallucinations. He's so deeply fucking traumatized. One of his battle skills is fully just beating his enemies up with his staff. He ends up defunding the police. He can very casually become a thermonuclear bomb but in a very holy way. His best friend is a 23-year-old assassin that exclusively calls him "Detective". Is he Catholic (ish)? Yeah, but he certainly doesn't always act like it.

He constantly commits heresy and doubts the gods but is still the not-Pope's right hand man

Listen, imagine you'd go to church and your priest gets roasted by kids for forgetting how the bible goes. That's him, canonically even. He's like if a redditor who wants to be a detective was cosplaying as a holy man. He's someone whose whole thing is doubting the gods and the church, to the point where he makes another person question his faith too, even though he is technically The holy man. He's absolutely unhinged and gay. He's 30 years old and absolutely does not look like it. He's traumatized, and cannot be sincere and honest about his feelings even once. He should go to therapy actually. Like desperately. For his sake and everyone around him.

he is from the faith but he doubts everything around him to find the truth through it........ also i'd like to see him torment the crotchety priest i had to do a face-to-face confession with in high school. it'd be funny.

FATHER BROWN BUT MAKE HIM GAY AND PLAGUED BY TRUST ISSUES. This man will forget his own sermons, beat people up for infos and, at the same time, gets to be the fantasy equivalent of a youth pastor. He somehow manages to be the most unhinged person in a party that includes a vengeful math professor who can and WILL mug people. He might not be the most devout Catholic of them all, but he is definitely the *funniest* one. Give it up for the world's shittiest priest!

i’m gonna be honest temenos is a TERRIBLE catholic but he’s funny and i love him. he also has a weird gay thing going on with a paladin it’s great.

Link

Well, maybe not specifically catholic. But behold, OFFICIAL ART: https://cdn.wikimg.net/en/zeldawiki/images/a/ab/LinkPraying.png

in the original legend of zelda game there’s a bible (localized to the book of magic due to nintendo of america’s guidelines), a cross in the adventure of link, and in a link to the past, there’s art of him kneeling in front of a crucifix. hyrule has its own religions but there are undeniable christian roots.

[animentality]

rey + hayward + cisco + the 7 exes - how do they play dark and darker, the other best game ever created

Hee hee.

Referenced book here.

Rey- he would play a wizard, every time, all the time. Would love spamming all his spells within three minutes of the game starting, on enemies, NPCs, and his friends. He pretty much never survives, because he's having too good of a time fighting every monster and jumping on players and getting third partied. But he's a good sport. Also, he's dumb enough that he sometimes goes through the red portals even when he has good loot and has the opportunity to just leave. Big Dummy.

Hayward- he's taking the first blue portal out first, every time. He actively doesn't tell his friends and doesn't even give them the option of maybe stealing it from him. He sometimes wanders off on his own, looking for his own way out. He'd main a barbarian, because it's the most OP right now and he will always play the most OP character. That being said, if they ever buff rogue, he will absolutely play Rogue and just stab bitches in corners. Like a cunt. Cunty gameplay.

Cisco- He'd play a cleric so he could just protect his friends and force them to do all the work for him. He basically hangs back until he thinks enemies are weak enough for him to kill. If you die first, he'll die trying to get your stuff, though. And either take it for himself when he escapes, or revive you. He's kind of a rat, though, might do good as rogue just for the escape potential. If Rogue ever gets buffed, anyway.

Anaheim- Barbarian main. Absolutely. If he played games, anyway, he'd be the guy who's always on your ass the second you win a crazy fight. He'd also camp the fucking portals like a little bitch.

Mesa- Ranger main, obviously. Likes to put traps outside of doors, and watch doors. Hates close combat fighting. Utilitarian too. She'll leave through blue portals, but if she happens to see more than one, she'll direct you over there before she goes. She only uses the fast arrow ability. She only aims for headshots.

Visalia- Fighter main. Loves the shield and sword combo. Loves stabbing bitches and engaging. Would rather fight players than boring bosses. Hates skeletons and engaging mini bosses. Wish Dark and Darker had Tiers.

Alameda- Mix between a Ranger and a Wizard main? Loves the long range stuff. Kind of oscillates between helping his teammates and being aggressive. He's relentless though, never lets anyone escape him. Likes to kill and be killed more than to play safe and survive. Will always try and save his friends rather than just abandon them because it's easier.

Fontana- Fighter/ Barbarian main. He loves being mega aggro. Avoids skeletons and flying skulls and corpses so he can get at random people. He plays so far away from his team, he might as well play solo. But he sometimes plays with randoms so he has meat shields.

Irvine- Plays all the roles equally. Would like to play what they think the team needs, whether that's a shield, a healer, a slow heavy hitter, or a magic user. They'd avoid Rogue, though, since Rogue is pretty useless and not great for team play. They would let you have blue portal every time. I also wanna say, they'd be good enough to handle the red portals too? They're quick at adapting to new games, and would be interested in the challenge.

Sol- Well....he would be a cleric, for the self healing. He would play pretty alone, though, mostly self healing himself. The only person he'd ever look out for is bumbling little Rey, running around the dungeon like a little fool. But he'd have a good time, as a babysitter.

Thanks for the ask!!!!

[concrete-beach-party]

BG3 Playthrough: cleaning up

I'll stop marking these posts as spoilers as we're still quite early in Act I, but the rest of my post is under the cut for people who still haven't played the game.

So basically now we're doing everything we were supposed to do before rescuing Halsin.

cleared the Goblin camp, looted a bunch of stuff

killed the harpies near the the druid grove - apparently the dead Tiefling kid there could have been alive if we discovered this sooner

killed the lvl 5 spider underneath the small abandoned village so fast it never had a chance to attack (we're still lvl 4 though)

Resting at camp has been interesting these past few nights:

My (dark urge) butler has arrived and I tried to tell him that I'm not as evil as he thinks I am, but apparently (I use this word quite often lol) that's what I always say after losing my memory. Well dude, maybe there's some truth to it? Maybe I don't wanna be evil??

I still accept the cape he's giving because ... well, I like free shit I guess.

WE CAN FINALLY PLAY FETCH WITH SCRATCH!!

Where's my owl bear though? We told it to go to our camp and so far, it hasn't arrived :(

Gale:

Gale has snacked his maximum number of magical items and finally told me what's the matter with him. Asked me if I wanna expell him from the camp. My friend, I murdered Alfira, I'm in no position to say anything here. I'm happy you guys didn't kill ME.

After talking to me, Gale has decided he wants to make love to me. A natural progression of things. Sir, I'm flattered, but you're still pining for your goddess. Also, I'm pining for Astarion, so, well, this is awkward.

His puppy eyes afterwards made me regret my decision a bit. In another playthrough, I'll romance you, I swear. I still love you a lot.

Speaking of Astarion:

He finally warms up to me! As I'm writing this I'm still neutral in his eyes, BUT!

I know about his past as a slave

He finally tried to bite me, which was weird due to the fact that he already flat out told me he's a vampire, but in this scene we both pretended this never happend and what can I say? My boy now has the "Happy!"-Buff and that's nice.

Him saying "Shit." after I wake up while he tries to bite me is priceless

We found the amethyst to open the evil book we found in the wizard's cellar and Astarion wanted to have it. What could possibly go wrong? He has it and he's kinda happy about that. Again, I'm in no position to judge anyone in this camp.

Yes I am aware that Gale's condition stems from an evil book, thank you very much, game

So, yeah, not a lot happening in terms of main story right now. We're going after the swamp hag next, let's hope there's more opportunities to please Astarion. Yes, I admit, I spoilered myself a bit at this point, but that's normal for me.

btw: I find Astarion to genuinely be a useful character. Having someone who can lockpick is always nice and he deals quite a lot of damage. Maybe I'll give him Ranger as second class though? Sounds like a smart combination.

As for my cleric, I'm still trying to figure out how to play her best. She's weird.

[vethbrenatto]

What is your opinion on this discourse/discussion on how Sam is playing FCG? Some of the talks I have seen just seems like they just don’t like Sam and want an excuse to shit on him. And some have actual valid criticism.

I'll give this a go, but just prefacing that I'm sure I haven't seen all the discussions, so I can only comment on what I've happened to scroll past. If you have something specifically you'd want me to touch on, let me know, but my here's my general response:

As I've mentioned, I'm not particularly drawn to FCG as a character in comparison to other characters Sam has played, at least so far, but I have still genuinely enjoyed FCG.

I've seen some dissection of mechanics and its intersection with roleplay and I responded a bit to that here. I've also seen doubt that Sam can play a good healer, which I think is premature to say. I have full faith in Sam to play a healer just as good as anyone else in the cast could. I don't think Sam is some sort of D&D god that is The Best Strategist and Player in the cast, but I think he understands the game and plays it well and always has some really fun, gagworthy moments playing it, like Veth's Phantasmal Force in the Lucien+Tombtakers Battle. Particularly, I think he excels in spellcasting and using spells at the right time.

And look, I'd say I'm a lot like Sam in my level of D&D knowledge. He seems like the type of person who learns via experience and observation- that is, he knows a good deal about classes he's played and he's watched his friends play, but probably hasn't read the PHB front to back (and I doubt he's the only one, I'd be surprised if Ashley had, and then on the other hand, I'm positive Liam has.). And I'm the same! I'm not an encyclopedia for D&D spells, classes, and races- I know what I've played and what I've watched others play and I don't think you need to be a walking encyclopedia of D&D knowledge to play the game well. So, I have faith in Sam to play cleric just as well as anyone else.

The major discussion I've seen, though, isn't actually a new one to CR, it's just new to FCG. And that is: The conceit of a character who fancies themselves a therapist. I get why that's polarizing. If not being professionally treated, people in everyday contexts by their friends, generally should not be therapized. But there's the rub- the highly negative critiques fail to take into account player intention.

As I said, this isn't new! In fact, this is ridiculously similar to the main critique people had with Caduceus's character- that he therapized his friends and thought he knew better than them. I'm not sure if Taliesin ever commented on this as I didn't watch Talks regularly until late, late campaign, but my guess from watching Taliesin as a player is that it was intentional. That that was an intentional character flaw that Caduceus had- an inherent superiority complex where he thought he knew the psyches of his friends better than they did. Taliesin weaves complex characters, and Caduceus was similarly complex. He wasn't a two-dimensional tea-drinking hippie.

Now, Caduceus frustrated people at times because of this. But I think he was meant to? The same way any character has character flaws. Keyleth's rigid morality, Vex's greed, Percy's also-superior-but-different superiority complex, Caleb's guilt- I could go on. And it's the same with FCG, and I'd argue, more clearly than Caduceus that this is a character flaw. FCG is a non-human character trying to understand human emotion with a core function to "help others" and they think they can reach that goal by therapizing them- therapy, which will in theory, ease their souls, will bring people to a "happy" state they should be in, in FCG's mind. They’re copy-paste recommending strategies out of a psychology textbooks. I don't think it's supposed to be good therapy and I don't think Sam (or Taliesin, back when Caduceus was doing it) is endorsing the behavior as "good." I think it's a character flaw, an intentional flaw.

So, then it comes down to being uncomfortable with the concept of using therapizing friends as a character flaw. And if that makes you uncomfortable, that's completely valid. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, personally, Critical Role has always played through vast arrays of theming containing heavy content at times. C2 has deep dives into mental health and trauma with certain characters. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, FCG's narrative simply may not be for you. That doesn't make it wrong, though.

Overall, I haven't seen anything outright shitting on Sam, at least pertaining to FCG. I do weirdly get a non-zero amount of tags on some of my gifsets some times that feel the need to preface "I don't like Sam, but..." which. Maybe just don't do that, guys. I think there are certainly people who don't like his playstyle, and you know what, that's just the way it is. Playstyles can be polarizing. Liam, who is one of my favorite cast members and plays one of my favorite CR characters ever (Caleb) has certain roleplay quirks that make me want to tear my hair out.

I personally don't feel the need to document in posts the specifics of player things that I don't like, I'd much rather comment on the things I do, but that's a personal preference. If people want to use their blogs to say why can't stand that Player X roleplays like Y, they're in their right to do so and as long as they're tagging properly, they're not bothering me, so that's just the way of the wind.

Despite not having seen posts like you seem to be referencing, I do totally understand what you mean, anon. So much so that I went on about it for too long and it really became tangential to FCG, so I’m putting that rant under the cut if anyone wants to read it.***

Like I said, if there's something in specific you'd want me to discuss, lmk in my inbox, but those are the two main critiques I've seen with FCG: the core conceipt of the character and Sam as a mechanical player.

***I think in general that phenomenon of “wanting an excuse” comes down to people being extremely reluctant to just dislike things.

Relating it back to the concept of ship wars, we often get this dynamic of a person liking Ship A, and because they like Ship A, not caring for Ship B. And what started as I like Ship A because they’re cute and I like the dynamic for XYZ reasons, whereas I don’t like ship B for HJK reasons turns weirdly moral into I am right to like Ship A, and you are wrong to like Ship B, because actually Ship A is morally or ethically superior to Ship B. People stop wanting to relate it to personal preference and turn it into right and wrong.

I think this is sort of a toned down version of that in terms of player styles. It stops being (using fake names) “I like Jeffrey because I prefer dramatic roleplay styles and Jeffrey excels in that” and “I don’t like Corey because Corey tends toward a comedic roleplay styles and I feel that offputs the dramatic tension of the story” and instead becomes “I am right that Jeffrey is a better/good player because...” and “Corey is a bad player because...” which tends just not to be true unless Corey is doing something D&D egregious like shouting over all his fellow RP-ers or refusing to follow the narrative set up by the DM at all. 

And I’ve seen those types of comments with a variety of the CR cast, but probably most frequently with Marisha, Liam, and Sam. People just feel extremely uncomfortable expressing dislike without qualification, justification, or being validated by others about their dislike. 

This is very much not limited to actual plays, this is a tumblr-wide phenomenon I have noticed and commented on for years. One of my favorite ever posts for this fandom in particular (and I can’t remember who made it) was someone responding to an ask about whether they liked Dimension 20 and they just said, essentially, it’s too jokey for my tastes and I find it too short to get invested (aka they prefer epics, like CR). And that was it. No “Dimension 20 is bad because” or more likely to be seen, “Critical Role is better because...” but just. Here’s a thing that is not for me, and it doesn’t align with my tastes. I prefer Thing B because it aligns with my tastes. The End. 

[astrangeghost]

stares u directly in the eyes. pllease tell me more about ur dnd ocs

Hehehehehe I actually. Went to draw them all but WOW today is not a good art day so just preexisting art :)

(This is a bit outdated, Mindy is a paladin and Granite's earrings changed!) Granite is a earth-genasi monk who worships Sol, and thus is blind(something about staring into the sun for the sun god, forgot where I read that but yea!) They were found at a temple of Sol and raised there, eventually getting a message from Sol himself to spread his religion throughout the world :) so thats why shes out adventuring! Granite has a good heart and strength to back herself up, and even if they would prefer peace, they could hit you into next week! She does have a streak of self-sacrifice, being the first to give up comfort for the safety of others and she is so dear to me. my first dnd oc : ) Mindy was my second dnd oc I made out of a realll old middle school character fghj shes a taffy paladin from another worldddd! Mindy comes from an alternate universe where war plagues the earth. She and a couple others were made in a lab to fight in the fields, eventually her partners died and something something magicked to a new world to some adventuring party! When transferred to the main universe/world/whatever her memories were wiped and she needs to get them all back :0 her old party were very important to her but shes a very happy-go-lucky sunshiny type of gal :) Cynthia!! Is my bard! Also a centaur ^_^ her right eye is glass I don't have a lot on her tbh <:] shes a good cook and a pleasant friend and she wants to be a musician! She plays the flute, loves jewelry and is very charismatic. Would only let you ride her if it was a life-or-death situation and then never talk about it again. Is honestly kind of insecure about being a centaur and tries to distance herself from her culture. shes blorbo to me My Tiefling I'm thinking of nameing Vayla but I'm not sure yet ^_^; Shes an artificer who was raised by a dwarf and hardly knows anything about being a Tiefling It's science-run, wanting to know everything about the world and discover her heritage. Which is difficult, considering she lives in the icy tundra with hardly anybody else around. It either can control ice or has a sick potion to make ice do what it wants(for instance, her bow+arrow are made of ice). She loves her dad and her home but yearns to see the world for itself and when she turns of age joins a party to discover the world! Marigold!! I just adore!!!! She's a satyr druid :]]] Mari is excitable and ready for anything. She falls in love with every woman she sees. Shes all for public nudity. Marigold is sociable and always down to party, but to the outside eye normally seems pretty laid-back! She has a problem with boundaries and thinking before speaking, but tries her best to get along with other people :) OKAY HES NOT PICTURED HERE BUT I HAVE AN OWLIN AND HES SO IMPORTANT TO ME<3 no name yet also<//3 I would snag a picture but his design isnt finished cause his outfit is giving me nightmares Hes a cleric that worships some god of the moon! I haven't decided yet</3 He is a long-eared owl with heavy robes that he can't fly in. He's quiet, and doesn't know much about surviving but is probably the most normal out of them. The type of guy that knows murder is not okay. He can't carry a conversation unless its about something he likes, which is often something very lame like purifying water. he is everything to me

[angelsndragons]

since all the cool kids are doing it, here’s my wishlist/prediction/whatever for c3. i assume the cast will all be taking up new classes they haven’t played in the main campaigns, let’s go:

ashley johnson as the party face. i don’t even care if she’s playing a charisma based class, let her have this please. if i get nothing else, i will be satisfied.

in that same vein, let laura have her first choice class, she has earned it.

sam and travis play actual sibling characters. look, the dynamic that developed between veth and fjord is hysterical and i want those murder sibling vibes to continue, ok.

two people play an established married or divorced couple. any two of them could pull it off but i would love to see sam and liam or taliesin and marisha.

more gender fuckery, please. at least two people play a character whose gender identity doesn’t match their own.

class wise:

sam as a cleric. omg, sam as a cleric, please. this dude loves his friends, loves taking care of their characters, loves fucking with matt, and loves fucking with laura. cleric would let him do all of that at once. twilight cleric in particular plays to sam’s aoe/precision placement/precision timing strengths and would follow the trend of “yeah, that thing that kept fucking us over last campaign, i’m nullifying it” that the cast has going.

for reference, the twilight cleric’s channel divinity can end the charm or frightened conditions on any chosen creature who ends their turn within 30ft of the twilight cleric. twilight clerics also get leomund’s tiny hut at 5th level and we all know how clutch that spell is.

 liam as a druid. let the man make his own animal voices, please. we all love sheepleb and apeleb and everything else he did with caleb’s polymorph, let him do that all campaign please. if i had to choose a druid subclass for him, i could see him enjoying the dreams or stars circles.

marisha plays a paladin. okay, seriously, marisha loves tanking and hitting hard and providing some battlefield control, paladin would be perfect for her.

travis likes characters with chonky hit points, above average to high ac, and he has learned how to handle spell work. i therefore propose he take a second cleric slot, maybe forge or tempest for their heavy armor proficiency and nice little melee goodies.

i would also love to see travis play an order of the lycan blood hunter. live your werewolf dreams, dude. just maybe stick with a bow for the lower levels, okay.

laura as a bladesinger wizard. hear me out. she loves smashing things and loves casting big, fun spells. being a bladesinger would let her have the best of both worlds. contrary to eadwulf and astrid’s sad performances, bladesingers can be quite threatening if you build them right.

alternatively, laura as a way of mercy monk. i think she would be quite cool playing that.

honestly, i don’t have a particular class i want to see taliesin tackle more than others; i’m just excited to see his new character concept and backstory. he seems to enjoy dps, having a little magic on the side, and keeping at range. honestly, i think it’s time to add sorcerer back into the critical role mix and i think he could do a great job with it.

as already stated, all i want for ashley is for her to be the party face, regardless of class or stats.

[grayintogreen]

Is it bad that the first thing I thought about when I saw you new theme was that children’s hospital meme? lol Now for my real question. Do you have any thoughts on Lucien's childhood dream? Cause I can only imagine him as a 5yo saying "I'm gonna be a GOD" to which someone said "You can't do that-" so of course he replied with "no I'm gonna" and then he did just that.

When you have Blood Hunters and Blood Clerics on staff, it's easy to promote color theory!

OKAY SO. OH BOY. DO I HAVE THOUGHTS. BUCKLE UP.

I don't think Lucien developed his God Complex (TM) until the Claret Orders, so put a pin in that for now. We'll get to that.

So here's the thing about Luci, Lulu, Lulubelle, Luci-my-love, Luci-not-a-Satan-allegory-en, sweet boy who did nothing wrong ever (citation needed). Matt doesn't SAY he had a traumatic past, but he also heavily implies it through Lucien refusing to talk about it, getting angry when anyone tries to make him, and being extremely defensive about his upbringing. Add that to almost EVERY CHARACTER from Shadycreek Run being miserable in one way or another, and you can probably guess he is a trauma-laden little bitch.

Since Lucien is (1. very intelligent for someone who came out of the Run (2. highly imaginative and (3. seems to be fond of books, I tend to skew him being self-taught and an avid reader. I like the idea of him stealing Exandria equivalent pulp paperbacks wherever he can, and those kind of stories are usually pretty formulaic. In a fantasy world, I'm sure they even trend more towards Chosen One narratives, because that's the kind of immersion fantasy ALL AGES are into, because in this sort of world those things are happening everywhere. People are plucked from their lives and set on grand adventures.

And baby Lucien was probably fascinated by that! The idea that these humble people who led miserable lives could one day meet the right people or the right wizard or get visited by a god and then suddenly become IMPORTANT and respected. Here is this kid who can already tell he's different- he's set apart by being a tiefling in a place that is really not kind to them and he's smarter than the people around him, which gives him his "gifted kid" superiority complex. Of course, he'd look at these stories, see he has all the hallmarks of a "main character" and think OKAY MY TIME WILL COME.

So from a young age, you have this kid dealing with trauma after trauma and effectively just waiting for a cute anime mascot character to come along and tell him how important he is, because through being a kid in a dangerous place who can't really escape his situation, he doesn't really have any other choice but to dream impossibly.

And then he finds other kids. He finds his little troupe of equally tragic people that he can lead. Still no great destiny, but then he finds the Claret Orders and now surely THIS will be what lets him find his dream.

But the Claret Orders are a unified front of BUNCHES of people with cool powers they got by poisoning themselves and committing to a cause that Lucien probably doesn't believe in at best and will become disgusted by eventually at worst. Not only that, but Bloodhunters are all intelligent, so Lucien, Gifted Kid of Shadycreek Run, has gone from being unique to a cog in a wheel.

And no one is coming to offer him a destiny.

And then he hears about the Raven Queen. (Remove that pin, we're here.)

This is what gets me, because the Raven Queen is the patron goddess of the Claret Orders. She INVENTED Bloodhunters. The Blood Domain was HERS before other gods co-opted it for their portfolios. So there's no way that however many years Lucien spent in the Orders he wasn't constantly hearing about her ascension, about how she was a Champion once who overtook a cruel deity and replaced him and people revere her for that! And then her methods were sealed away and every soul that's tried to do what she did was struck down. That's strange. And a bit unfair. But what if there was a way to do what she did and be just as revered as her?

So here's where Lucien's god complex kicked in, likely as a sixteen-year-old, so still very much a baby. When he couldn't get handed a destiny the way his baby brain expected him to be as a traumatized kid seeking hope and comfort, he decided his dream would be to make one for himself. He'd become so powerful he could change the shape of the world, exactly as the Raven Queen did. So he left the Orders and their hypocrisy and their dedication to an usurper goddess and just became a mercenary with his posse, hunting for treasure and trying to unlock the secrets of the world using the abilities that the Orders gave him.

So when you throw this all together, the Somnovem came for his life HARD. They branded him the Nonagon, their herald, their chosen. They had a disdain for the gods and a desire to overtake them. They were judged and condemned dreamers. All of this made him completely unable to see ANY of the red flags involved and drove him full-tilt into madness, because it was everything he wanted for YEARS just handed to him exactly as he wanted it. So of course he built a script that he expected to be followed to the letter, of course his best friends went from found family to a cult (this is what Lucien always said he deserved, after all, and if he got it then this means holy shit he IS special and chosen by a higher power and we'd be stupid not to be his disciples and get in on the ground floor of that power trip).

And then when even the Somnovem betrayed his trust in them, he went "well if the Raven Queen can turn on her god and take his power, then so can I" and came back to the material plane with a new script, three times as broken as he started out as, because even if he didn't want to admit it, all the stories had been wrong and being the Chosen One can absolutely suck, and he'd sooner go fully insane and rewrite the world the way he wanted it to be (a dream made real where he is the sole dreamer) than admit that there was never going to be an ending to this story that satisfied him.

[somesaycosmo]

laurence, the first vicar - an analysis

hi! this is future marie, when i'm going back through and finalizing my draft of this post. this was originally meant to just be an analysis of laurence's song, but it turned into more than that, so just bear with it!

"oh look it's my favorite boss soundtrack in soulsborne! thankfully, bloodborne is a very simple game with straightforward lore, and the lyrics of its tracks are similarly straightforward, so there's not much to analyze here." -a quote from an alternate universe marie who was blessed with a game that didn't give her frenzy

"bloodborne's tracks have lyrics?" you might ask - and yes, in fact, they do! many of them have choral lyrics in latin, including mr laurence "i forgot the sacred adage" lastname's track here.

before we start, please listen to the song, if only because it's very good

this post is using the translated lyrics from this bloodborne wiki, while taking some liberties with the interpretation based on the game's lore. i do not know latin, but if anyone does, i'd love for them to hit me up. i'm also going to specifically tag @rococospade-main, both to shout them out for being great to discuss bloodborne lore with (it's where i got the idea to write this post)

as always, lore starts below the line

so the song starts with 4 lines, as follows

Children, know that if you will abide by the sacred rite with great commitment There will be a reward through the Holy Blood You will be rewarded with the hidden Holy Blood Or, maybe I shall lose my humanity through the Holy Blood

already starting off strong with the "questioning one's faith" vibes, eh, larry?

"children" might be in reference to actual children, or it might be the thing priests do, where they're called "father" and stuff (can you tell i'm not christian?) with laurence in this case being the "father" and the disciples of the church being his "children"

the reward from the holy blood is, of course, ascension, which we all know everyone from byrgenwerth strived for, because they're losers. "hidden holy blood" might be in reference to ebrietas bein all locked up in the chalice dungeons?

"maybe i shall lose my humanity through the holy blood" is, based on how early it is in the song, likely about laurence looking forward; loss of humanity is seen as a good thing, because it means ascension. the dramatic irony of this is of course obvious, considering the song plays when we're beating the shit out of laurence's fallen and bestial form - because loss of humanity can also mean other things, it turns out.

We honor you with the Blood Yet you judge this as blasphemy You are obsessed with this mystery And you shall be overcome by bestiality

We honor you with the Blood Yet you judge this as blasphemy We are hindered by this mystery Water does not achieve success

now laurence is speaking to the gods instead of to his followers. "we honor you with blood / yet you judge this as blasphemy" is likely him pleading to the gods. the description of the defiled chalice reads, "Curses are caused by inciting the anger of the Great Ones, and used to hex others." this paints a picture of the gods as somewhat vengeful; it makes sense that the beastly scourge, then, would be hypothesized to be a plague cast upon humanity for some sin they've committed, and laurence would know best what exactly that sin is.

"you are obsessed with this mystery / and you shall be overcome by bestiality" seems out of place in the rest of this section, given it's the only one that refers to humanity as "you," but i've taken this as it being the gods replying to laurence in the song, with the mystery likely being "how to ascend to godhood". this is the blasphemy you have committed, they say, and you shall be overcome by bestiality

"we are hindered by this mystery" once again, we're talking from laurence's perspective. firstly, laurence for the first time admits that obsession with ascension might not be so great, actually.

"water does not achieve success" this could be interpreted as talking about the whole "great bodies of water are often bulwarks" thing discussed in the lake and sea runes, laurence sort of saying "protecting ourselves from the truth does nothing to help us ascend," with water, effectively, being "safety." to go further, in my personal interpretation, this is more about the comparison of blood and water. you know that old saying, "blood is thicker than water"? that came to mind immediately while reading these lyrics, given the constant talking about blood in the song (and in the game). perhaps here laurence is comparing water to blood with water, water being "safety" and blood being "success" (ascension). to reference the item description for the white church set, "They believe that medicine is not a means of treatment but rather a method for research, and that some knowledge can only be obtained by exposing oneself to sickness." this will come up later.

By the Gods, friend Be afraid By the Gods, friend The Blood Be afraid You are right to

this is familiar! this could be willem speaking, this could be laurence speaking to someone else, or this could be laurence speaking to himself (my writer's brain imagines him muttering this quietly to himself in despair as his mental health and questioning of his faith declines) - due to "you are right to [fear the blood]," i lean towards him talking to himself as if talking to willem, perhaps wishing he had actually feared the old blood, or saying that willem is better off for doing so. regardless, it is incredibly reminiscent of the sacred adage ("fear the old blood" etc etc we all know it by heart at this point), and is likely supposed to be that.

It will be a majestic festivity By the Holy Blood So come, this sweet wine O defiled juice (this has to mean "wine" or "drink" i refuse to believe laurence would refer to the holy blood as a juice. i will not allow it)

this one, oddly, seems to indicate a toneshift - i would argue it's a result of his spiraling mental state. throughout the song he's questioning his faith and his actions, chanting his old mentor's sacred adage to himself; his life up to this point is a life of success while the cure and path to ascension he was peddling to yharnam turns them into horrific beasts. so he ends up doubling down on the religious fervor he started this endeavor with. this delves more into headcanon territory, so bear with me for a second:

have you ever thought about why laurence drops the beast's embrace rune?

laurence, the first vicar, the first cleric beast, drops the rune that allows you to enter a state of controlled beasthood whenever you want (provided you use a beastly weapon, of course). isn't that odd? shouldn't he drop something that, like, increases the amount blood vials heal you? maybe super duper extra special communion +6? why would he drop that rune, of all things, especially when the game already has a named character they could've put in to drop it (that being irreverent izzy)?

let's look at the item description.

After the repeated experiments in controlling the scourge of beasts, the gentle "Embrace" rune was discovered.

When its implementation failed, the "Embrace" became a forbidden rune, but this knowledge became a foundation of the Healing Church.

now i am not necessarily going to suggest that laurence dreamed up the beast's embrace rune himself - it could make sense, but that isn't necessary for the rest of what i'm about to say, which is this: the last part of the song is laurence giving into beasthood voluntarily.

perhaps he believed so strongly in the blood of ebrietas taking him to ascension that he decided beasthood must be it, must be the next step for humanity; perhaps, in a final move of desperation, he tried to control beasthood by experimenting on himself with this rune; or perhaps he had already imbibed so much of the old blood that he couldn't control his need to spill the blood of others.

personally, i lean toward the second interpretation. let's look at the description of laurence's (human) skull:

Skull of Laurence, first vicar of the Healing Church. In reality he became the first cleric beast, and his human skull only exists within the Nightmare.

The skull is a symbol of Laurence's past, and what he failed to protect. He is destined to seek his skull, but even if he found it, it could never restore his memories.

firstly, i'd just like to point out the irony in the statement "he is destined to seek his skull"; he spends his human life seeking ascension, and when he achieves metamorphosis, he is cursed to spend that form trying to find his humanity again, mindless, lost in a nightmare.

secondly, and more to the point, let's look at the line "a symbol of laurence's past, and what he failed to protect." examining this item for its symbolism is fairly clear - it's a relic of laurence's humanity, and that's exactly what he failed to protect, the humanity of himself and others. this description leads me to believe he wanted to protect humanity, but failed.

a lot of interpretations of him have him as this truly evil person who was just deceiving the city of yharnam for his own personal gain, but honestly, i don't buy that. that's not what bloodborne is about. i mean bloodborne is and can be about a lot of things, and i could ascribe dozens of basic thematic interpretations of it off the top of my head, but characterization that simple doesn't fit bloodborne (and, frankly, it's not tragic enough for miyazaki).

so, with all that combined, why do i believe that laurence branded himself with beast's embrace in an attempt to further research on the control of beasthood, so as to protect humanity? well, to go back to an item description from earlier, some knowledge can only be obtained by exposing oneself to sickness.

thank you for reading.

[technomaestro]

Oh? Tell us about the characters on that list then

*slaps character sheet* this bad boy can fit so much of my own repressed trauma in it

This one could be fuckin *all* of them, but it's probably Kelarvia Arana, aka Kel. Poor dwarven fighter exile from Orzamar who turned to the Qun, was trained wrong as a spy, failed her family, failed the qun, failed her friends, and kept trying to do right. She was... not bright. She took a face full of acid breath for her troubles, got repeatedly stabbed by everyone around her, and still kept fucking trying. She was not in a great place by the end of that campaign.

Closeted Trans Person Gender Envy Character™

So, while I'm very much cis, I did toy around with the idea of genderfluidity and transness at one point. And the closest character to that would have been a major NPC that I had in my pokemon game, Claire deVire. She was a literal illusionist / Fairy Type mage, and honestly one of my favorite NPCs to use in the game. I played her as a confident and experienced trainer who had an air of mystery, was clever and flirtatious, and who had a very accomplished team including trans icon Sylveon. She is/was one of the main *villains* of the campaign, but that's besides the point. If I was a girl, she's who I'd want to be - but I'm pretty solid in my gender at this point.

sexy

That would be Lucas Maignard, the Silver Lion. Not just your average silver fox, but a nobleman who absolutely could rock it. Think Rollo from Vikings except salt and pepper hair. He was power hungry, a staunch revanchist of his family's ancestral title and he would go to every length it took to reclaim it, including trying to seduce the King's consort. He, notably, caused at least one if not more international incidents by insulting the soccer abilities of a neighboring kingdom.

He may have had the highest charisma of any character I've played.

idealized version of myself

Allow me to introduce you to Broderic Gullet, a 6'6 tall constantly drunken scotsman Barbarian with a hammer who was unkillable. Literally - he actually died at one point and came back to life because he was too damn stubborn to leave before his friends had gotten to safety, and some passing spirit possessed him and turned him into an abomination. He was jovial, friendly, could talk to his cat Mr. Pickles, and wonderfully buff enough he could hug all his friends at once. Plus he was a trained chef.

As Fruity And Extra As Possible

Oh this is easy. The Satyr Diplomat Cheldric delWolpertinger, a man who *honestly* should have read the recommended reading before being sent to deliver very important documents (these were actually talking frogs!). He was supposed to board a new train on the mountainous passage to Westport, but forgot his ticket. When the train left, he literally jumped (and I mean I cast "jump" and specifically was a Satyr for their Mirthful Leaps feature which adds 1d8 to my jump distance) onto the back of the train. Unfortunately, the murder of the conductor was a bit of an issue, but Cheldric and some other passengers put their heads together to solve the mystery.

furry

So, allow me to set the stage for Albie, Traitor to Crowkind. A Kenku that was as much benefit to the party as he was walking, curse triggering hazard, this absolute buffoon would do what he could to simultaneously help the party while also doing his best not to piss of Strahd too much. A lighting bolt cast into the middle of melee that hit everyone totally gives him plausible deniability for who survives.

I think my favorite memory though is when one of the other party members just opened his beak and he started reciting the Book of Strahd like Stitch plays that record in Lilo & Stitch

A good runner up here would also be Nilbo, a Kobold Druid who only became a druid because it let him wild shape into progressively bigger lizards and dinosaurs. No other animals, just scales.

I Saw One Of The Extra Fantasy Races That Aren’t In The Player’s Handbook And Almost Had A Stroke

Listen. Listen to me. I fucking love Warforged. I will *always* go to bat for magical robots. They're amazing and I've played so many, from psions to storm domain clerics to the most recent one, Hymn, a gender-neutral Celestial Pact Warlock Warforged who got his abilities because he was a socialist. No, I'm not joking - he was made for usage by the Church of the Sovereign Host, but when a wandering heretical priest came by wondering why the church didn't do more, Hymn started going out at night to perform direct action and mutual aid. Being not that smart, he accidentally wandered into a cult's base and released a captive celestial, who gifted him the power to help more.

a race + class that typically would not go together

I'm of a tossup here - the Halfling Artificer Posco Harfoot, who was a member of the Justicars and in order to even the playing field, built himself a goddamn magitek mech in order to go toe to toe with the other peacekeepers, or of Tiberius Vanderwhinn, an elven Path of the Zealot barbarian who was *extremely* keen on getting his libraries late fees sorted, and gods help you if you dared shout in his library.

sexy criminal

Very few things are sexier than a tiefling, and that would be Boreo Lieran, the Tiefling Bard. Boreo was a staunch contender for the "As fruity as possible" but this pansexual beast is much more in line here because the man seduced half the party prior to or during session 1. Having a prehensile tail and the ability to pick up the gnome lass in the party by it for him to tease probably helped.

Of course, such a man was hilariously illegal, because not only did he smuggle and steal like, 90% of his luxury goods that he used to pamper himself with, he would absolutely flaunt a total disregard for property rights and find himself making grand entrances into peoples homes and lives as part of his wayward caravan, leaving a trail of chaos in his wake.

himbo

One of the more recent characters I've played. Cadmus, Son of Abraxes! A "human" wizard on the plane of Theros, this man is the half-divine son of the literal personification of the pride of a polis that was wiped off the face of the world by the gods for their Hubris. So, an active devotee of the god of victory, and actively blaspheming the goddess of destiny at every turn (As he would put it, we hold the pen in our hands, she merely hoards the ink), his goal was to perform deeds good enough to earn a place as a constellation under the stars. He would only *ever* sleep outside at night, even in cities, because he wanted to rest with them as he knew one day he would for eternity.

[spoiler1001]

Heartbeats were a strange feeling, if one was aware of them. Lucien-no that wasn't right- felt his pulse from his scar. He opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by old friends. They looked at him with bright eyes, with Cree being the only exception. She looked at the tiefling with sharp eyes. It was dark, he couldn't tell the time. But as his eyes adjusted to the dark, nobody looked happy to see him. 

"You have a friend. Said this was his fault. What should we do with him?" Cree spoke in a low tone. There were quiet sounds of suppressed sobs and soft gasps. It sounded like-

The tiefling turned around and the pulse beating against his scar froze.

Caleb looked awful. His skin was pale, blue veins showing through and his lips blue. His hair was matted and muddy. He was shivering from the cold and shaking from hunger. His clothes were bloodied and he had bruises on his face. The bandages were dangling off of his arms, stained red. Lucien practically could sense the infection growing. He sat in front of the grave on his knees, clutching his clothes to his body. It was at this point that the rain and cold made itself known to the Nonagon, making his hair and red, torn clothes stickbto him like a second skin. Caleb was soaking wet, rain making his clothes even worse for the situation. A small puddle of reddish mud built beneath him.  

"What happened to him." The tone was harsh, maybe too much so but the wizard was important to him 

Caleb flinched at the sound of his voice. Yes, the voice was too harsh. The Nonagon kneeled next to him. Two fingers were placed under his chin and Caleb let his eyes meet- Molly? Mollymauk fit for the moment, right now. Caleb took a shaking breath. He looked even worse up close. There were dark bags under his eyes. Some of it bruising, some from exhaustion. Green stains colored his skin, matching the grass around the grave. 

"What happened to him?" Mollymauk repeated. "He travels in a group." Unease filled his mind. Were they-

"I left. Someone had to- after everyone was saved and Lorenzo killed- someone had to keep watch in case-" Caleb rocked back and forth. "It's just me." Ok so as far as he knew, they were alive. Maybe Cree can scry on them later, but that's not important right now. 

"And the bruises?" Molly let his hands grab Caleb's shoulders. There was dried- something- it was nearly impossible to see what it was without light,  but it ran down the part of his neck behind his ear, and onto his back.

"Someone tried to grab your coat." Caleb looked away, towards Cree. Lucien stood up. "Find us the nearest Inn with a hot bath. Take him with us." 

"As a prisoner?" Cree asked, almost happy at the thought. 

Molly hid his frown at the thought. "This man is loyal. He comes with us as a friend. I will make anyone answer for any injuries."

"As the Nonagon wishes." Cree sighed and roughly brought Caleb to his feet. Not healing him, Lucien noticed. He was tired. Coming back to life was...unpleasant. He was tired. His soul felt like it was floating through the air. He needed a nap- or a drink. Getting out of the rain would help. It was starting to sting. 

"Bring the coat." Molly added. Cree openly scowled. Caleb wobbled towards him. There was a horse and cart. Molly helped Caleb into the cart and climbed in. 

"Is it you?" Caleb whispered. The hope and wonder in his voice was heartbreaking. Molly wanted to bundle him up and tell him it was ok. 

"When it's just us? Yes I'm me. I'm Molly, otherwise I'm Lucien." Molly nodded. Caleb let tears fall from his cheeks, leaving streaks in the mud on his face. Molly opened his arms and Caleb buried his face into the crook of Molly's neck. Molly purred and hummed. 

"I'm sorry you died." Caleb whispered. 

"Just...there's time for that later." Molly promised. "Thank you for staying."

Caleb responded by whispering something into Molly's chest. Molly purred louder and Caleb drifted off to sleep.

Molly placed a hand on the back of Caleb's neck, feeling him breathe.  Caleb's hair had grown out well past his shoulders. It would look so nice washed and brushed out. 

"Nonagon, is it wise to bring along someone that claimed responsibility for-" Cree spoke up, climbing into the cart that was now moving. 

"I made my own choices, both when I died and now. The fact that he stayed says more about his character than me falling. I think such kindness should be returned." It felt weird to Molly, speaking so formally, but he had memories of Lucien again. Had the memories and habits. Even his accent was thicker. "I need to recover my strength in these coming days then we make our way north." 

"Finish what we started?" Cree asked hopefully.

Molly frowned. It would take a lot for that trip. "Yes." 

The Tombtakers found a nice inn rather easily. They rented three rooms to rest. 

Molly settled into a lush room with the mattress being a giant pillow. There the actual pillows were wonderful for heads with horns while the mattress enveloped him. The blankets were silk and felt wonderful against his skin. The walls had beautiful murals of the gods that was allowed in the kitchen. The platinum dragon danced on the ceiling, seeming to sparkle against the candle lights.

There was a door to the side, a bath that could fit five. The wash room was just as painted but with murals of the moonweaver and wildmother hidden in a mural of fields lit by a full moon. Molly stretched out on the bed. Caleb laid next to him, absolutely filthy but solid enough to make Molly want to grab onto him and never let go. His eyes were moving quickly under his eyelids.

Molly let his hand rise, becoming even with Caleb's cheek, but pulled away at the last second, letting it come to rest in the area between them. Caleb didn't let his face change but raised his hand, resting it over Molly's. 

Molly hummed and let sleep overtake him. 

----------------

Molly woke up to an empty bed. He lifted his head to look around. Cree sat in a nearby chair, crossleged. There was a familiar orange cat sleeping by his head.

"Your companion is washing. It would be unsightly for one to travel with you to be so…" Cree let her words die out. "How are you feeling?" 

Molly felt worse than before but he felt more alive than how he felt when he immediately woke up. Mud was still all over him but he could wait for his turn. 

"And the coat?" 

"We have it, but you don't expect to wear it." Cree huffed. 

"It would be nice to keep for sentimental value." Molly smiled, not mentioning that if someone were to peak in from his old friends, they have something to look on from. 

Took a step out into the main room, dressed in nice looking travel clothes. His hair was tied back and brushed while still looking a bit damp. 

He wore an off-white shirt, the sleeve pulled up to see dark gray cloth wrappings around his forearms. And black pants. Only the shoes were the same, but they were made for travel. Molly took a moment before looking up at Caleb's face. Oh. He was shaved. Molly had to pull his eyes away. "I need to sleep for one more day, but afterwards we can move out." Molly stood up. 

"If that is what you want." Cree sighed and walked out of the room. Molly looked at Caleb. After she left he physically relaxed. 

"You look better." Molly hummed. 

"Lucien, I do not think she likes me." Caleb spoke carefully. 

Molly frowned. "So what? I do. And you are clever." 

"She's worried about me outranking her." Caleb raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't exactly at my best last night."

"You were more composed than most would be. We'll see how traveling together goes." Molly hummed, patting Caleb on the chest. Caleb took a step back, letting Molly into the bath. 

The door remained open as Molly took his bath. 

"Talk to me. I need….I don't know. Just-" Molly sighed. 

"What do you wish to discuss?" Caleb's voice was even. 

"What happened after-" 

"I killed Lorenzo. We saved the others, we came here, dealt with the gentleman. Someone in the group told Cree, but I couldn't be with them anymore. There's a new cleric with them." 

Molly sighed. "Did you leave because of the new cleric."

"No. Caduceus is wonderful. Good for them. It's just that, years ago, I had a teacher that said I was not good enough to be a leader and had to be built up. He...asked a lot of me. When you died…" Caleb let out a self loathing laugh, the sound raspy. "I do not handle death well."

"I made a choice to use too much magic. Not you, not anyone else." Molly countered. "And Yasha?" 

"She left after mourning at your grave." Caleb shrugged. 

"Maybe she'll find us on our way." Molly smiled. 

The water was warm. Like flames reheated it before he went into it. It helped with the stiffness of his joints. His muscles relaxed as it became easier to wash the caked mud off of himself. "I know Cree did something to you." Molly said quietly. 

"Do not fault her for it. She and I had a disagreement about the people who had the privilege to see you awaking." Caleb froze. 

"How bad was the disagreement?" Molly sat up. 

"Nothing but a few scrapes and bruises." Caleb shrugged nonchalantly. 

"I don't like that. She has no right to say anything given how they abandoned my grave but you returned." Molly stood up and looked around, seeing fresh clothes waiting for him, with a deep red coat. 

"I'll be sure to pass along your discontent." Caleb said, almost to himself. 

"I can tell her myself but- Caleb…." Molly took a look at Caleb. There was a small trail of blood from the back of his head, behind his ear. Molly grabbed a bit of his red coat and held it to the wound. "Let me guess- Cree?" 

Caleb's silence said everything.

"You shouldn't let her walk over you. This can't continue." Molly sighed. 

"There were more pressing concerns." Caleb whispered. "I'll get food." He stood up, leaving his notebook open to show about a dozen different spells. Molly recognized a couple of them but they were personalized. None of these spells were anywhere else. Clever wizard. Molly's Lucien instincts told him to protect him because of the advantage he brought. Molly's Mollymauk instinct told him to protect him because of friendship and- nope not going there. 

"He's an assassin, you know. Those scars on his arms are the same as Volstruckers." Cree whispered. Slipping through the door as Molly closed the book. 

"The what?" Molly didn't care about what she was saying. 

"Cerberus Assembly assassins. They hunt traitors. Will kill even their own family. The Gentleman deals with the Assembly from time to time." Cree shrugged. 

"That's none of my business." Molly shrugged. Mentally he was trying to will her out of the room. 

"It should be. What if he's with the woman who-" 

"I doubt that very much." Molly hissed, shutting her up. "Thank you for your concern but issues regarding Caleb are mine and mine alone." So fuck off. Molly added mentally.

"If that's what you want." Cree sighed with exacerbation. 

"Yes it is. Leave him be unless I say otherwise." Molly swallowed his anger. He knew that Caleb had a past but he didn't want to know. It didn't affect him. Cree just shook her head and stepped out of the room. 

Caleb came back with a plate full of meat and potatoes. Molly perked up a bit and noticed that Caleb had Molly's coat in his arms. The necklace he always wore showed through his shirt. Caleb handed the plate over to Molly. Caleb sat on the bed and looked at the coat.

"The walls are rather thin here. One could hear a lot of conversations." Caleb hummed. 

"You heard Cree." Molly facepalmed. "I'm sorry-"

"She's right. I was trained for that line of work, but...I dropped out of school." Caleb took a deep breath. "'Caleb Widogast' isn't even my birth name." 

"What do you want me to call you?" 

"Caleb." 

Molly gave him a smile. "Then Caleb is all that matters. Now eat, we need to gain our strength again." 

--------------

Caleb wore the coat. It was colorfully loud and sparkled delightfully, and Caleb wore it, matching it with the necklace he never took off.  Molly loved it. Magic morphed around Caleb. Caleb had written a few spells of his own. There was a tent, a giant cat's claw, a tower. The tower was his favorite. It was warm, colorful.

There were separate rooms for the Tombtakers. 

There were intended separate rooms for each of the Tombtakers. 

Molly liked to sleep in Caleb's room. Molly was on his way to bed when he heard a conversation. 

--------------

Caleb had braided his hair as he was ready for bed. Cree was sitting on the couch in his room. She was not invited into the room but she was there. Practically purring. 

"I'm just saying that the rest of us have a bond. The Nonagon can use us whenever he needs. The rest of us are able to be communication tools for him. It's wonderful. It's like never being alone. It's like letting something devine overtake you." 

That made his stomach drop. 

"That sounds wonderful to those that enjoy it, but I will have to refuse." Caleb smiled politely, but opened the door for her. 

"It is what it is, Bren." Cree shrugged. Caleb froze, causing the lights to flicker in the tower for a moment before his smile dropped. 

"I don't know what your deal is Cree, but stop. I'm not stealing your precious Nonagon from you. I am his friend." Caleb glared. "I have no intentions of betraying him." 

"I know. I just like knowing who I travel with." Cree smiled and went on her merry way.

Caleb just shook his head.

"She still bothering you?" Molly asked, slipping into the room. 

"She's just showing that she's watching me. It's nothing." Caleb shrugged. 

"She said a name that bothered you." Molly pointed out. "I'm assuming it is your birth name." 

"Title, really. It is no matter. How close are we to Aeor?" Caleb smiled. 

"A few days' travel, normally. We do have to stop. I have to go...even a score. A Cerberus Assembly member, she hallowed me out for my magic. She has to die." Molly hugged himself. 

"Any way I can help?" Caleb looked Molly in the eyes. 

"Stay safe. Stay here in the tower. She's hired some old friends." Molly sat on the bed. 

"Who?" 

"The Mighty Nein." 

Caleb raised an eyebrow. 

"They don't look happy about it either." Molly laughed. "Yasha is with them. They look good." 

"Do you want me to prepare warm beds?" Caleb rubbed his hands together. 

"You are a genius." Molly laughed. 

"It will be nice to see them again." Caleb sat down next to him. 

"When this is over, do you think that they'd let me back in?" Caleb asked. 

"You want to leave?" Molly asked.

"I'm worried about...Cree is worried that I might prove a distraction to you in regards to this team. I might agree, so after this, I might return to them." Caleb shrugged. 

"If you go, I'm going. Fuck the Tombtakers." Molly bumped his forehead against Caleb's arm. "They don't get me. You do." 

"I've always seen kinship with you, Mollymauk. I was always worried that you didn't see me as such an equal." Caleb ran his thumb over the decorated horns. 

"I've always saw you as an equal. I am lucky to have met you." Molly slowly giving Caleb time to back out, let his tail wrap around Caleb's leg, right above the knee. Caleb took a deep breath, let his lips turn up, and those smirking lips pressed against Molly's. 

Molly let out a chirp, followed by a high pitched ecstatic noise. Molly pulled Caleb closer and only let him go when he needed to breathe.

"Charmer." Molly smirked. 

"Rest, Mollymauk. We have a big day tomorrow."

-------------

The next day was hard. Killing Vess was easy. Too easy. Maybe the Mighty Nein wanted her dead. Molly danced in the cold, waiting for the Mighty Nein to greet them, his black swords stood out against the snow.

"We never did go waltzing." Molly mused. Caleb, still wearing the large colorful coat, but this time layered with cotton to keep warm. He smiled warmly. 

"I can work on adding a ballroom to the tower." Caleb promised. "We can talk about it later." 

"Promises, Promises." Molly giggled. 

"You two are worse than Yasha and Beau." A familiarly friendly voice rang out. 

Caleb and Molly smiled at Jester. There was a big hug with tears in everyone's eyes. Yasha pulled Mollymauk into a bone crushing hug. Caleb watched the hug as a small green goblin jumped into Caleb's arms.

"Caleb! We thought you were dead." Nott yelled.

"I'm alright. Let me set up camp and we can talk." Caleb smiled. 

"Just like that?" Fjord asked in disbelief. Both Caleb and Molly blinked in surprise. That voice was new. Neither Molly nor Caleb had any ground to comment, but it was new.

"We are not enemies." Caleb promised. "I missed all of you."

"We missed you too." Jester smiled. "You look good." 

"So do all of you." Caleb grinned and summoned the door to the towers. "Welcome to my tower. I hope it is to your liking." 

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 2 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side B

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Temenos

so his whole thing is he's an inquisitor who is just fundamentally bad at being a priest on account of he does things like forgetting scripture and not being able to help but doubt the institution which gets everyone hes ever cared about killed. he's gay. he says shit like "careful, i bite". he's in yuri with a holy knight. he's one of my favorite characters and i want to beat him over the head with a cast iron skillet

fucked up gay little cleric who was supposed to grapple with the fact that the institution he serves is corrupt except he has been in doubt from the very beginning and very clearly doesnt put much stock in the scripture hes made it his lifes work to preach. hes kinda a freak with it. every line he speaks is said with the cadence of a gay guy checking under his nails while ignoring you as he talks. i have to hit him with mallets and shatter him into pieces.

This man is the world's worst clergyman. He's a high ranking member of the holy inquisition, but nobody respects him and he mostly just uses his position to investigate random murders for fun. He regularly forgets how the bible goes and little kids have to correct him on how the plot goes of the jrpg equivalent of jesus's resurrection. He has a holy knight for a boyfriend. He tortures people for information any other character can just ask for. His best friend out of the rest of the main 8 is an assassin and gang member. He tries to get people to commit crimes with him. His story is about uprooting the corruption in his church and killing high ranking church members and also Literal Fucking Jrpg satan. He regularly blasphemes and everyone around him looks in horror as he shouts at god and encourages people to become atheists. His catchphrase is "doubt is what I do." He is still somehow the most devout character in the entire game despite being a total fuck up of a cleric who does not deserve to be here whatsoever. Pls let him win it'd be SO FUNNY

Hes genuinely just the funniest guy. Very little about his story has to do with the faith but like. He routinely roasts the entire pantheon of in-universe gods. He beats people up (metaphorically of course) as one of his main game mechanics. He got stamped as the resident gayboy SO fast. His starliner definitely has higher intelligence than wisdom even though clerics use wisdom. Every chapter he appears in he solves a mystery by zoning out so hard his god blesses him with extremely vivid hallucinations. He's so deeply fucking traumatized. One of his battle skills is fully just beating his enemies up with his staff. He ends up defunding the police. He can very casually become a thermonuclear bomb but in a very holy way. His best friend is a 23-year-old assassin that exclusively calls him "Detective". Is he Catholic (ish)? Yeah, but he certainly doesn't always act like it.

He constantly commits heresy and doubts the gods but is still the not-Pope's right hand man

Listen, imagine you'd go to church and your priest gets roasted by kids for forgetting how the bible goes. That's him, canonically even. He's like if a redditor who wants to be a detective was cosplaying as a holy man. He's someone whose whole thing is doubting the gods and the church, to the point where he makes another person question his faith too, even though he is technically The holy man. He's absolutely unhinged and gay. He's 30 years old and absolutely does not look like it. He's traumatized, and cannot be sincere and honest about his feelings even once. He should go to therapy actually. Like desperately. For his sake and everyone around him.

he is from the faith but he doubts everything around him to find the truth through it........ also i'd like to see him torment the crotchety priest i had to do a face-to-face confession with in high school. it'd be funny.

FATHER BROWN BUT MAKE HIM GAY AND PLAGUED BY TRUST ISSUES. This man will forget his own sermons, beat people up for infos and, at the same time, gets to be the fantasy equivalent of a youth pastor. He somehow manages to be the most unhinged person in a party that includes a vengeful math professor who can and WILL mug people. He might not be the most devout Catholic of them all, but he is definitely the *funniest* one. Give it up for the world's shittiest priest!

i’m gonna be honest temenos is a TERRIBLE catholic but he’s funny and i love him. he also has a weird gay thing going on with a paladin it’s great.

Doug

I know the movie is called VelociPastor but he's actually a Roman Catholic priest and a velociraptor too.

Please watch velocipastor. I don't think I could describe it if I tried.

Doug is canonically a Roman Catholic priest who is questioning his religion after his parents die.

He turns into a velociraptor and decides to fight crime. I don’t wanna spoil it but the movie is batshit insane

[nagdabbit]

🥺👉👈 pwease? 🥺🥺

okay okay, but like, be gentle? it's just bones right now, and a really good ending, if i say so myself, but, like... bones. it's bones with rules, because i like them. and it's about four dumbasses playing dnd, so obviously i gotta.

anyway, here's a lil bit. not quite the beginning, i guess? i dunno, i've forgotten how to do writing on the internet. be gentle.

~~~

D&D was weird.

It involved a lot of sitting around, trying to stay focused as Heather narrated at them. A lot of trying to be clever, trying to be smart. A lot of trying not to fuck up entirely.

The biggest problem with it all was that, sitting directly next to his highschool--and current--bully, it was damn hard not to feel like he was breathing wrong. Hell, Billy had shown up and rolled his eyes at Steve's presence, so he was clearly existing incorrectly, too.

"Alright, you've made your way from the college library to the very outskirts of the city," Heather said, eyes scanning her notes, while her arms made wide, sweeping gestures. "Almost an hour on horseback through the busy, winding streets. There are no street signs directing, but you see a path breaking away from the main road, and disappearing into the trees. The path is dense and quiet and dark."

"Is it weirdly quiet?" Steve asked, then shrank a little as Billy whipped his head around to glare at him.

But Heather just looked a little proud. "Yes! The sounds of the city have disappeared, but it's that same oppressive quiet that you rode through on your way to the city. Musty and still and quiet."

"Do I notice the same thing?" Robin asked.

"Go ahead and roll…" Heather tilted her head back and forth as she thought about it, "Gimme a nature check real quick."

Robin eagerly rolled her die, and then groaned. "That's a seven."

Heather chuckled. "You don't notice shit," she joked, but her smile was teasing. He liked that about her, the way she could ease tension and soften failure. She was easygoing and kind, just about the only person he'd trust his best friend to. "No, you don't notice anything out of the ordinary. The wood has grown so dead, and quiet so steadily that you haven't even noticed it happening."

Robin made a face, and scribbled that down. "I don't like that one bit," she muttered.

"As you make your way through, you come to a small clearing, and in the middle of it stands an ancient temple," Heather said, hands still weaving the story out in front of her laptop screen. "It's small and crumbling, but the thick vines and moss-covered roots that cover the intricately carved stonework looks like the only thing holding it upright. This is the home of Ash, the cleric. And, Billy, why don't you introduce yourself."

At his shoulder, Billy straightened up a little. "A tall tiefling steps out of the door as you ride up." Steve very carefully didn't laugh at Billy making his character tall. "He is a mottled grey-brown color, almost like tree bark, and his dark hair is pushed back away from his face. He has horns pushing out of his forehead that curl back over his head. He's wearing old, but sturdy leather armor, decorated with oak leaves, the symbol of Silvanus. He's carrying his wooden maul, and he looks very angry."

"Great, who does he see riding up?" Heather asked, turning her attention back to him and Robin. "Althea?"

She nodded, eagerly. "On the first horse, you see the elf that you've been dealing with. She's got her hair braided back, and she's wearing the dark robes of the college, with the crest on the front. You don't see any weapons on her, but she has several books strapped behind her."

Heather smiled, sweetly, and Steve had to wonder just how often they'd get distracted flirting in the middle of a game. But then Heather looked at him, expectantly, "Ront?"

Right, fuck. He shoulda probably thought ahead while he had the chance. "Uh, following behind her, you see a large half-orc, about seven feet tall. He's wearing just simple clothes, no armor of any kind. He has a carved, wooden amulet of a hawk, hanging around his neck, and a battleaxe strapped to his back."

"Perfect!" Heather clapped her hands together, excitedly. "And our party has gathered! Althea and Ront, you arrive in the clearing surrounding the temple of Silvanus. It is late afternoon, the forest around you beginning to cool as evening draws closer. Ash steps out to greet you, and--"

"And walks forward toward them, very annoyed, like he's been waiting. And he says, ah, she finally leaves her tower to visit the peasants," Billy greeted in a gentle accent, almost Irish, maybe. He gave Robin a mean grin.

"Shut up, I finally have something helpful," she snapped, going for haughty and posh. "The village of Oakville--"

"Oak Pointe," Steve corrected.

"--was wiped out," she finished, unperturbed. "Only one villager survived."

"And how is he useful?" Billy asked, and Steve got the feeling he wasn't exactly in character.

"First, he's the only living person who has seen how these monsters operate," she reasoned, just as annoyed.

Billy turned his sharp gaze toward Steve, and it cut just as deep as his words. "And why are you so important to all this?" he asked, in a mocking tone. "Why not run for the lawmen in their castle? Why go to the librarian?"

"My entire village is gone," he said, slowly. "Everyone I have ever known, just gone. My family, my friends, everyone. If I can stop this from happening to others, I'm going to. Guards with swords didn't do a damn thing to help when this all started, they won't help now."

Billy--Ash, whatever--gave him a long look. Not impressed, definitely not, but maybe surprised. "Then why didn't you come sooner?"

"I had to be sure they really were dead, and that I wasn't sick. It spreads so fast, I needed to wait it out," he reasoned. "Someone brought that death to my home. I wasn't going to risk bringing it here."

Billy studied him for another long moment, expression a little more searching than judgemental. But finally he nodded. Maybe not acceptance, yet, but close. "And you, why are you finally here?" he asked and rolled his gaze toward Robin. “I have been sending my concerns for months, and you and your books have ignored me at every turn. So why are you finally here? We could have made so much more headway if you hadn't waited for a witness.”

“Because I might have finally found a clue," she said, triumphantly, expression a little more fiery than she'd worn the week before. "And I'm gonna open up the book to the weird pictures and things that I've been working on."

"What is this?"

"A book I'm trying to translate," she said, jamming her finger against the page as if she had an ancient book in her lap. "I have yet to get very far into it, but it speaks of a temple, deep in the Rootwood," Robin said. "And monsters like the ones we've been hearing stories of. And then I wanna explain the--well, everything that you gave me, so here," she added and handed over her notes. "I'm gonna explain all of that."

"And once she's explained it all, I wanna see if anything she's said fills in any gaps in what I've already learned," Billy said, absently, as he scanned the notes and scribbled notes into his book. "Or, like, if I can piece anything new together from all this."

"Great, whenever you're done reading, roll a history check," she said, and turned back to Robin. "Are you telling him everything?"

Robin smirked, "Of course not! I don't trust him, so I'm only giving him what I've gathered from the book, not the scrolls I've been using to translate it." As Billy glared at her, she held up another set of notes as proof.

Heather had been good about that, helping them figure out what their characters would know about the world that she'd created for them. Gave them pages of more and text for them to use. Steve had his own print out and the notes he'd taken as Robin had explained everything she'd learned, and he pulled it out to follow along. Or, rather, he intended to. Heather beat him to the punch.

"While they begin to compare notes, what's Ront doing?" she asked, easily.

He blinked, felt his cheeks go hot. "Uh, Ront is just looking around the temple."

"Meandering?"

He shrugged a little, "Exploring."

"Poking things?" Heather suggested, innocently.

He saw Billy pull a face, and walked himself back a little. "Only stuff that doesn't look breakable."

Heather narrowed her eyes, lips quirking up in amusement. "Roll a--hm, roll an investigation check for me, please."

"No," Billy said, firmly.

She gave him a wicked look, "Yes."

And Ront's intelligence score had a pretty little negative one above it. Which meant he was pretty dumb. Which meant Heather wanted to cause a little trouble. Meant she was going to let him have fun in order to terrorize Billy a little bit. Get a smidge of revenge for all the shit he's spewed the week before. Which, honestly, Steve could really get behind.

So he hoped, and he prayed--just a little--and threw the die into the little tray in front of him. The math wasn't too hard, thankfully, despite the distracting groan from Billy and snickers from Robin. It was a perfect roll, really. Better than anything he could have hoped for.

But, fuck, it was so hard to keep from breaking, to keep from laughing loud enough to wake the neighbors, that his eyes threatened to water. At his side, Billy had already slouched back against the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Calmly, he folded his hands in his lap, and gave Heather a serene smile. "Zero."

[fayesdiary]

Since I've been feeling like crap lately (AGAIN, and I'm starting to suspect it's an allergic reaction rather than stress in and of itself so I'm gonna do a check after Summer) I stopped playing Conquest for a little while and started replaying Echoes instead! As a bit of a comfort zone and to not have to constantly worry about new stuff and getting my butt kicked. I'm playing on Classic Hard, since you can rewind turns in here, thank Mila. Seriously, how was this feature introduced fifteen games late into the series? Do you have any idea how much I'd love it in Conquest? At least with older games you can cheat with save states! ...Anyway, I played until the Deliverance Hideout, have some unprompted rambles:

I used the first Pitchfork on Lukas so he could reclass into a Cavalier! He works really nice, retaining the relatively high Attack and great Defense, but getting a whooping +3 Mov in the process, which is amazing in the earlygame! And in a game where units have a base movement of four and there is no Rescue or Pair Up, every little bit of extra movement matters. Needless to say, Forsyth and Valbar are getting the Pitchfork too! (Fernand really is an ignorant wit for looking down on soldiers with pitchforks when the Pitchfork is one of the best items in the game)

Speaking of extra movement, I gave all of my stat boosters to Faye. Is it optimal? Not even a little, but who cares! Would have loved to have her go to Celica's route, but Alm's side desperately needs a second cleric. Helps that Faye has a button of unique spells as a Cleric which are super useful. Guess that will happen in the meme playthroughs...

That scene before the Southern Outpost where Gray asks Tobin if he likes girls and he halfheartedly answers "yes, I guess" makes me think Tobin's in the closet and has a crush on Gray. Helps the fact he gives up on Clair really quickly saying he doesn't want to ruin his friendship with Gray, soo... (then again, this is a really healthy approach to have regardless of Tobin's sexuality. Gets a double approval since I hate love triangles with a passion)

After playing any other FE title but especially Conquest, playing these maps that are just open fields full of nothing except the occsional forest and heal tile hurts. And these are just Alm's maps that are boring at worst, I'm really dreading Celica's...

The Faye/Silque and Kliff/Tobin supports are such a waste. This game has few enough supports as is, and these are just a waste of time. There aren't any fun interactions because Faye and Kliff refuse to talk and immediately leave until the A support, they don't reveal anything new about the characters involved and it feels really insulting especially to Silque and Kliff, since these are the only supports they have. If I ever rewrite these, I think I'd keep the C supports as-is but have Faye and Kliff apologize in the B support and, you know, actually talk.

Faye's first base convo mentions the attack at the prologue and how Alm rescued her, and honestly? She might as well just write "I obsessively cling to Alm as a coping mechanism", especially after they leave Ram and you start reading their support together. I mentioned before I really like how Faye has a reason to obsess over Alm (not that it's in any way justified mind you) and how her behavior gets actually treated as creepy instead of romantic for once (but she still sees Celica as a friend rather than a rival or a threat), but I hate the fact she never gets any chance whatsoever to heal, find some happiness or friends on her own, and let's not forget that garbage endcard. God forbid a Catria ever moves on or finds a purpose for herself that's not crushing on the main lord, right?

Since Faye references Mycen in her victory quotes and has a support bonus with him, I like to think she's the one he trained the hardest after Alm, since you know. She was taken hostage and almost got killed by Slayde in the prologue. There's a reason why she's implied to be the most traumatized of the Ram gang.

Python's voice reminds me of Xigbar's, and I wonder if they share the same VA. Helps that they're both snipers and love to mess with everybody.

You know the Thieves' Shrine at the start of the game? You spook the bandit watchman and he runs away, but you can leave, come back and he'll have new dialogue before fleeing again. If you want to be a jerk, you can bully him by repeatedly leaving the shrine and coming back!

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Please tell us abt yr dnd characters holy shit

OK BET SO I HAVE SEVEN OF THEM AND FOUR OF THEM ARE KINDA FLESHED OUT THE OTHER THREE ARE IN THE CONCEPT ZONE

im in the process of making aesthetic blogs for them too so like ...... check out my main if you want em @turntechgodhcad 👀

-mod dave

ok so my first one is my chaos elf. glenn meldarion is my stupid idiot bitch boy and i love him and he lives in the woods. hes a rogue and hes chaotic neutral, hes 20, hes aroace, and naturally hes an amazing shot with a bow and arrow. also his full name is glennodad gonk meldarion and each of the names has a meaning

i looked up some elvish translator a while ago and “glennodad” translates to “jared”. jared 19

“meldarion” translates to “dave”. so his name is Elf Jared Dave

“gonk” is the name of my worm on a string so his middle name is gonk

theres nothing particularly angsty about glenn, he doesnt have a sad backstory or anything but he sure has a dumb one. so this fuck head ass starts out on a vegetable / fruit farm and hes minding his own business, he hunts for meat and stuff, and what he doesnt eat he sells. so hes got his own little market goin on but hes not exactly the most Popular of the vegetable sellers because yknow everyone and their mom on the edge of town is a vegetable seller so while glenns not selling fruit hes pickpocketing. and ONE DAY he pickpockets a Haughty Noble and gets caught. so this dude is like “ok” and places a little bounty on his head and hes run out of the town by this nobles goons and shit cause He Wants Payback, so up until he finds a home he just bounces around the woods from kingdom to kingdom camping out and shit. and he still pickpockets

--------

my SECOND boy is named cas, full name casteris emsworth, and hes human, hes my beautiful baby son and i love him and hes a druid (circle of the shepherd) !! hes a neutral good, hes 19, hes got himself a little Knife and hes bi !! and hes . very 👀 at this one tiefling of banes (if yall dont know bane thats my partner ^^).............his names lucas and oh boy cas has the Big Gay...............

cas’ main focus in his druidism is just plants. like people have specific focuses for some of their characters, cas just fucking likes plants. he absolutely excels in potions, and he fucks around with alchemy too. he keeps this big ass tome of plant sketches that hes seen on his travels, and he bakes bread when hes stressed and hes really good at writing! and hes fucking terrified of Really Big Fish . 

his backstorys kinda sad but not really fleshed out; he was raised druidic in a kingdom that outlawed magic, his family got Found Out, they were ordered to be executed and cas escaped. usually this is where people would get vengeful and angry and wage a personal war against the kingdom, but cas doesnt have an angry bone in his body and instead went fucking asap to another place to keep practicing in his parents’ names !! he stayed with a cousin until he got a little hut of his own and now hes just Vibing. his main goal right now is to recreate this potion that he did. he was just fucking Mixing Shit and he grew a baby ent. and now hes like. Hellbent on trying to figure out how the FUCK he did that

--------

then i have a fire genasi whos kind of just in physical character development right now, his name is mathias ganteoran and hes a fighter !! hes 21, chaotic neutral but a Different Flavor than glenn, more Harsh, he fights with a bo staff, his hair is Literally Fire and hes trans demi and gay

mathias is the Grumpy Friend who Doesnt Have Time For This Bullshit but he gets roped into a bunch of stupid stuff anyway and its really great. also he has a rebellious streak and hes just Big Punk. or at least as punk as 1394 can get. also i know for a fact that the way he did his top surgery was that he just went up to some magic friend of his and went “de-tit me” and they did and long story short Magic Top Surgery .

also i didnt have a name for him for six months and i called him “motherfucker unlimited” until i named him

--------

aaryn mendalyn is my next character i love her so much shes my triton, and i really want to use her in a campaign soon. shes a monk (way of the open hand), chaotic good, 19, pan as hell, and this bitch has GAUNTLETS !!!!!

and let me tell yall aaryn is here to do three things and three things only. punch the fuck out of things, party like a rock star, and EAT DIRT

she has a bit of a backstory that involves dirt actually, so shes kinda got a little mermaid complex going on but not cause she finds a guy or smth. so tritons as a species act really superior cause theyre underwater and shit (think amporas) but aaryn always thought “but hm. the land is pretty cool. it has dirt, we have dirt but wet, its the same shit??” so she decides “ok im gonna go be on land now” and she just fucking loves the dry dirt. shes not worried about what her family will think cause shes really fucking impulsive and hey if she doesnt go back then she doesnt go back. she is having the time of her life

--------

for the characters that are still in progress, and all of their info is “X until further notice” cause i still have a lot of research to do on these species and classes

i have a 21 y/o lawful neutral nb lesbian aasimar cleric named kirijah whose entire aesthetic is half-victorian, half-classical, all sun / clouds. theyre trying their best to be poised all the time but god theyre confused as to why they hang out with these people

then theres my 19 y/o chaotic neutral-turned-good human witch named myra !! shes my only character with a homebrew class so im gonna have to figure out how to work with that. shes an aro bi demigirl, and she doesnt have a Full backstory but i Do know that she was definitely forced to commit a Major Crime, it left her fucked up, and now shes trying to move in a new way better direction. so now shes the cheerleader of her friend group !!

and FINALLY my latest and least developed, my DWARF CLARISSA !!!!!!! shes a barbarian, probably neutral, DEFINITELY chaotic, im probably gonna end up making her trans (if i write her character well enough that is. i want to flesh her out to where it makes sense cause i really want to avoid the “barbarian trans woman” stereotype, obviously thats really fucking harmful) and out of the seven she is the ONLY one with a brain cell

[masterweaverx]

I’ve decided that the main characters of "My Next Life As A Villainess” can have D&D classes! So here we go. Big thanks to 5Etools for helping me out with this!

Katarina Claes: Kalashtar Redemption Paladin. Nobody said holy warriors had to be smart!

In all seriousness, Paladins of 5E are charisma-based “Half-casters,” which means they mix melee with magic. And it’s easy enough to reflavor a lot of D&D spells as “Oh, yeah, this character just happens to know X random thing or can talk so convincingly!” (Or the character doesn’t realize they’re doing magic, which would be so Katarina.) Plus the Redemption oath just fits so well for the girl, both thematically and mechanically. Throw on Strength-based combat skills because of years of farming and sword-training... it’s pretty obvious.

As to the race choice, the Kalashtar are a third-party Eberron race that are described as being “a fusion of humans and beings from the realm of dreams.” Which hey, what else would you call somebody who remembered their past life? And from a mechanical perspective, it would give Katarina resistance to psychic damage (she’s that dense) and automatic advantage on persuasion rolls (she can say just the right thing).

Maria Campbell: Variant Human Life Cleric. A “Well Duh!” if I ever saw one.

Clerics, the traditional healers and support characters in all of roleplaying, are wisdom-based casters in 5E. I was originally considering making Maria a Light cleric but, mechanically, Life clerics are closer to Light magic as portrayed in the series so, yeah, Life.

Variant Humans are the “Pick an ability increase and get a free feat at the start of the game” race, and Maria is sorta kinda the protagonist of the old game? Her player would probably just set herself up to fill in the gaps of the other characters anyway. So yeah.

Mary Hunt: Kaladesh Elf Samurai Fighter. Look, she can be scary, alright?

Fighters can be strength-based OR dexterity-based, and Mary would have a lot of dexterity skill from all the gardening and stuff. A lot of the Fighter perks are basically “No I’m NOT giving up!” which, yeah, fits her well. Being a Samurai not only enhances that, but it gives her perks for certain wisdom traits--Mary is not an idiot by any stretch of the imagination.

Kaladesh elves synch pretty well with this build, giving both Dexterity and Wisdom boosts, but primarily I picked this particular race for the free Druid cantrip in order to represent Mary’s water magic. Still, she would be one to choose to meditate instead of falling asleep, just to keep an eye on... things.

Sophia Ascart: Detection Mark Half-Elf Divination Wizard. She likes them books.

The class side of this was easy. Intelligence-based caster? Wizard. Love of books? Wizard. Not a physical fighter? Wizard. Had a talk with her past self? Divination wizard. What can I say, Sophia is pretty good at being a wizkid.

Race, though... oh, wow. So many options. I went with a Detection Mark Half-Elf because Sophia really, really notices things and that seems to be what that particular race was built for. Plus it’s an Eberron thing, like Katarina’s race, so that’s a past life connection! Yay!

Nicol Ascart: Storm Mark Half-Elf Swashbuckler Rogue. That smile works wonders.

Com on, how couldn’t I make Nicol ‘incapacitates a crowd with a smile’ Ascart a swashbuckler? Plus Rogues are usually known for being the skill class of 5E, doing things handling things that come up in adventures beyond punching monsters. Nicol does seem the most... level-headed of the group, so he would probably be the one to handle the little details.

As for race, I’ll admit I went with the ‘Sophia’s a half-elf so Nicol’s also a half-elf!’ route. But Storm Mark Half-Elves do come with a lot of wind-based magic, which not only fits canon but also enhances what Nicol could do as a rogue. Admittedly he would have to multiclass slightly to get at most of it, but hey, Gust is a cantrip and the other spells are there for him if he ever does.

Keith Claes: Fierna Tiefling Monster Slayer Ranger. Friendly, but dangerous.

Rangers are another half-caster class, and one with many ‘summon allies’ sort of spells. Sure, they’re technically animals instead of earth elementals, but I do subscribe to the ‘reflavor is fine!’ school of thought so Keith can have his dolls come out when he casts Conjure Animals. The Monster Slayer subclass is built around countering and containing dangerous beings... like, say, Keith himself? Oh, wow, I just picked it because it looked cool. Huh.

And why is Keith a Tiefling? In another life, he was a playboy, so of COURSE he’s going to get a charisma-boost race! A resistance to fire damage makes him perfect for, ah, interrupting a certain prince’s advances. And Fierna Tieflings get spells based around convincing people of things, like Friends and Charm Person, and there’s a certain dense girl in Keith’s life that needs a little guidance.

Geordo Stuart: Gold Standard Dragonborn Draconic Sorcerer. BURN BABY BURN!

Sorcerers are one of the charisma-based casters, with the idea that they have magic IN THEIR BLOOOOOD so they can, you know, cast without needing to do all that silly Study business. Plus they get some of their subclass stuff right off the bat, and Draconic Sorcerers get extra hitpoints every level. Geordo may not use his magic often, but it’s implied that as a royal his magic is redonkulously powerful, so this? This was basically set in stone.

And why did I make the prince a dragonborn? Why, because DRAGONS ARE AWESOME. Look, I don’t make the rules. More seriously, basic dragonborn have a charisma boost, strength boost, and a breath weapon. Admittedly this would probably make Geordo look a LOT different, but what the hey.

Alan Stuart: Silver Draconblood Dragonborn Lore Bard. He knows things so you don’t have to.

Bards are the other charisma-based casters, and a lot more support-based then sorcerers. Plus they’re good musicians, which fits Alan to a T! Lore Bards lean heavily into the ‘Jack Of All Trades’ mindset, with bonus proficiencies and extra magic secrets, because there was that competitive ‘I will best you some way!’ streak early on and that did lean into ‘I’ll learn all I can’ later in his life.

As to why he’s a draconblood dragonborn instead of a standard dragonborn? Draconbloods get an intelligence boost instead of a strength boost, and also get the trait Forceful Presence instead of Damage Resistance. He might not be able to do as much damage as his twin, but Alan is really good at getting attention and using it.

Anne Shelly: Standard Human Open Hand Monk. Somebody has to clean up after these kids!

Monks excel not just in unarmed combat, but in unarmed ‘getting places nobody thinks about’ as well as ‘keeping a cool head when everything goes nuts.’ And the Open Hand Monk doubles down on that, throwing in the ability to basically say “Stop That” whenever needed. This is perfect for Anne “My Mistress Is The Source Of All Chaos” Shelly, wouldn’t you say?

And yeah, she’s a Standard Human. In 5E Standard humans don’t get any special traits, but they do get +1 to every one of their abilities. That’s a small but significant boost to all rolls and a number of stats. Don’t underestimate Anne; she may be in the background, but she’s in the background of Madness and it takes a lot to survive that.

Rafael Walt: Fallen Aasimar Great Old One Warlock. Retired Edgelord.

Warlocks are, ah, not the easiest class to play. They’ve got a lot of special mechanics about their spells, having fewer slots but easier time restoring them. But they do also get a few free invocations, and their patrons can let them spread into different specializations. Rafael knows how to use his magic to the best he can, and... well, the Great Old One patron features just fit what he can do very well.

Aasimar have charisma boosts and darkness resistance universally, but Fallen Aasimar also come with a transformation into a terrifying shadow warrior. Look, Rafael's been through a lot, I’ll grant you. He probably deserves a break. But both thematically and mechanically, this just fits.

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So that’s that! For now, anyway! Thoughts and opinions are always welcome.