#right in the heart ouch😩

[theworldofotps]

Excuse me while I go curl up in a corner and cry. Broke my heart but it’s so damn good😩😩

She did the right thing😭

Empty Promises

Synopsis: he no longer kissed you without the taste of another woman on the tip of his tongue

Warnings: extreme angst, cursing, endless arguments, smutty flashbacks, cheating, lying, manipulation

A/N: you guys reallllly wanted angst so here it is! Unlike the rest of the fics I’ve written this far, there’s no happy ending here. If you’re an emotional girlie like me maybe grab some tissues. Enjoy!

(Hes a major dick in this one so if that’s something you don’t like, I wouldn’t read it)

Italics=flashbacks

Standing in front of him now, being forced to feel the complete carelessness he doesn’t bother to hide, you stare up at him through the tears blurring your vision. You couldn’t figure out how you got here. You wondered how you were so oblivious to the signs that giving him your heart was the deadliest choice you could’ve ever made.

His eyes were low and shadowed by the hoodie that had the scent of perfume that was not your own embedded in the fabric. There was no empathy, no remorse whatsoever for what he’s done to you. He can see clear as day that he took a girl who was formerly so happy, so joyous, so naturally herself, and he broke her down piece by piece until she became nothing but a shattered version of who she used to be.

And he would be lying for the thousandth time if he told you that he was sorry for what he’s turned you into.

“I thought you loved me.” You croak, doing everything you possibly could not to let another dam break loose in front of him. “You told me that! You told me that I was the one for you! That it was always going to be me and you in the end, no matter what!” Your strained voice bounced off the walls. Your heart was spilling out of your chest and he just stood there like it didn’t affect him in the slightest.

“I have been there for you through everything!” You reminded him, “From your debut in AEW to now, I’ve been your biggest fan! I’ve been nothing but your biggest supporter! I’ve changed my whole life around for you! So we could be together like you told me you wanted!”

The memories came rushing back right before your eyes. The times when it was simply you, Tyler and all the love the two of you could ever possibly pour into each other. The late night phone calls after his matches when you were the one he wanted to tell everything to and the times you were front row cheering him on. It all came flooding back as you stood in front of him, feeling the impending end.

“This is all I thought about tonight” he whispered against your lips as he cupped your cheek with his taped up hand. His other hand gripped your hip as he thrusted himself into you, rocking you against the closed door he had you pinned to.

You lulled your head to the side and his lips trailed their way to your neck, slowly sucking on your heated skin that was soon to be left with a purple discoloration, a way of claiming you, in his mind.

You had to muffle your moans and used his broad shoulder to do so, biting down on his slick skin when he pulled his hips back just to slam right back into you. There were people walking past the room and you could hear the muffled conversations through the door but Tyler didn’t care. After his debut he was so amped up he sent you a text from where you were leaning against the barricade and told you he needed you immediately.

Having you front row cheering him on did nothing but make his adrenaline rush that much more, which served as the reason why he couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel to have you like this.

Your legs locked around his hips and soon your hands were pinned above your head when he leaned back and picked up the pace, knowing it wouldn’t be long until someone needed to use the locker room.

He watched his cock disappear and reappear with your sweet, shiny juices coating every inch before he brought his sights to your face, loving the way you were trying so hard to contain the loud moans and whimpers threatening to break through.

“You’re so fucking beautiful” he huffed out rather breathlessly, “all the time but especially like this, God I can’t wait to get you back to the hotel so I can fuck you like this all night long” he groaned as he pressed his forehead to yours and brushed his lips over your own.

Hot breaths and low sighs, moans and whimpers intermingled between you before he hit a particular spot that he knew was going to make you scream. He covered your mouth with his hand and snapped his hips into you and out so forcefully that you couldn’t control anything your body was doing.

Blissed out and ever so dazed you were snatched back to the moment as soon as his lips lingered to the shell of your ear and he breathlessly whispered, “I love you, Y/N” for the first time.

The memory that used to make your heart swell now sickened you when you realize he never meant anything he said. The lies he’s told you over the years that you’ve had to find out in the most heart wrenching of ways. The harsh realization that while you were completely and utterly his from the start, he was never yours at all.

The way you loved him was what destroyed you. You put everything on hold for him without a second thought and he never considered to do anything like that for you. You were always there the second he needed you but when you needed him there would be excuses made left and right until it was of his convenience. You gave him everything you possibly possessed and willingly took all of it and let it die in his hands.

“How many times am I supposed to let you do this to me?” You ask, shaking your head. “How many times are you going to lie to me, Tyler?!”

His emotionless state was making you internally plead for something. For anything that showed that he had at least some sort of heart buried deep down. You couldn’t understand how he could watch you fall apart right before his own eyes and not feel a single thing after everything you’ve been through together.

“Fucking say something, Tyler! Anything!” You shout, begging damn near.

He eyes you over before he drops his head and plops down on the couch, staring down at his feet with his head hung low as he shrugs his shoulders. “What do you want me to say, Y/N?” He muttered before he lifted his gaze. “That I’m sorry? Haven’t I said that enough?”

“I don’t give a fuck about an apology anymore because I know you never fucking mean it!” You felt like a broken record replaying over and over again. “I want answers! I want to know why you keep fucking destroying me! I want to know why you keep lying! Why you can’t keep your fucking dick in your pants when I’m not around! What the fuck did I do to deserve any of this?!”

He remained silent as he stared up at you, watching the tears stream down your cheeks. You dropped to the other end of the couch and let your head fall in your hands, mascara staining your palms as you completely fell apart.

“Don’t cry, please.” He whispers from above you as you bury your face in his chest. “It’s only a few weeks. I’ll be coming back to you as soon as I can.”

You pulled back and wiped your eyes, but it did no use. You looked up at him for what was going to be the last time for a while. He was going to be on the road and you were going back to school to finish out your degree. The only time you’d be seeing him was on tv, on FaceTime or all over the internet and it was killing you both.

He looked down at you and swallowed thickly. He was doing his best not to break down too, but seeing the tears on your face was shattering his heart.

“I’m gonna miss you.” You whimpered as you cupped his cheek, and he leaned into your palm. “But I’m so proud of you, and I’ll be watching dynamite and rampage every single time you’re on.”

His lips tipped up before you pressed yours to them. Taz came and tapped his shoulder, breaking the two of you apart. “Planes boarding, bud.”

You unwrapped your arms from around him and he grabbed your hands, squeezing them once before letting them slip. Then he took a step back to let taz hug you goodbye.

“It’ll be alright, you two will be back together again before you know it. Go get that degree, kid.”

When you pulled back, Tyler was standing behind you with his suitcase in hand. His eyes were tinged red but he must have wiped away the tears. You gave him one last kiss as he whispered against your lips, “I love you, and remember that when it gets hard without me.”

You nodded, pulling apart for the final time. “See you soon, champ.”

You remember Taz telling you later on that Tyler was just trying to hold it all together in front of you, but when he got on the plane he bawled like a baby.

You couldn’t understand how he was able to sit in front of you, watching you completely fall to pieces over what he has done and not shed a single tear. You heard him shifting on the couch cushions before you felt him get up, pulling your hands away from your eyes only to see him heading to the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge and casually coming back to take his seat.

“I don’t fucking understand, Tyler.” You sniffled as you tried wiping the wetness off of your cheeks. You looked over at him but he was staring out the window, up at the moon as he tipped his bottle back and chugged.

You didn’t take the time to really process before you reached over and snatched the bottle out of his hands. He cut his eyes at you, “Give me my fucking drink back.” He demanded with an all too non suggestive tone, but you didn’t. You got up and walked over to the kitchen and stared at him as you poured it down the drain.

“Fuck your drink” your spat as you came back over to him. “You owe it to me to fucking explain yourself, Tyler! You fucking owe that to me!”

“I don’t owe anybody shit.” He muttered as he stood from the couch again. You stared up at him, your eyes following him back to the kitchen, where he grabbed another beer and stared dead at you while he tipped his head back and chugged.

Just then, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He grabbed it, looking down at the screen and he had the audacity to let a smirk slip across his lips. You knew who was texting him. It was two in the morning.

“Are you fucking serious?” You felt your eye twitch. He lifted his head and wiped the smirk away with the back of his hand. “Right in front of me?”

“It was my dad.”

“Then show me.” You stood up, crossing your arms as you eyed the phone that he quickly locked and stuffed back in his pocket. That alone told you what you already knew.

“You’re fucking lying again!” You shout, your voice trembling before it cracked. “God Tyler do you ever fucking stop!”

“Do you?!” He shouted back, his voice bellowing out so loud it caused you to take a step back. “You’re always fucking doing this! All you ever want to do anymore is fight and bitch and moan all the fucking time!” His eyes were filled with fury now and it was a stark contrast from the lifelessness you were unfortunately used to.

You found yourself speechless for a moment. You couldn’t believe he was turning the tables on you when he was the one who caused all of this in the first place. You’d gotten in many arguments over the years but it seemed that they just kept escalating and escalating and your brain flashed back to the very first one, and how you were so foolish to believe that you could patch things up under his bedsheets after.

“I told you, I’ve been busy.” He grumbled as he ran a towel through his wet hair.

“I’ve been busy too, but I still make time for you, Tyler.” You point out as you sit on the edge of the hotel room bed. “I’m supposed to be at school right now but I took a few days off for you.”

“I never asked you to do that. You really should be at school right now. I’m not the one who told you to take days off.” He said as he tossed the towel into the hamper and grabbed his hoodie. “I already told Ethan I would meet them in the lobby way before you showed up. Just stay here and when I come back we’ll spend time together. I can’t help that I had plans already.”

Watching him throw that hoodie on felt like you’d lost the argument. He leaned down and placed a kiss to your cheek briefly before he headed towards the door. “Love ya.” He said before he headed out.

You waited all night for him. Around two he stopped answering your texts. You ended up texting Ethan just to make sure everything was okay, but didn’t get a reply back until four in the morning.

You woke up to Tyler’s arms snaking around your waist from behind and the sun peeking through the blinds. The tear soaked pillow stuck to your cheek and peeled from your skin as you rolled over to face him. His eyes were bloodshot and breath reeked of tequila but, at that point you were so exhausted from crying that you didn’t have the energy to tell him how you felt.

His hand trailed down to your thigh where the end of his shirt laid against your skin and he slipped it underneath until he found your panties. His lips latched to your neck, roughly sucking your skin as his drunken voice muttered, “Missed you” against it.

You knew you were putty in his hands and allowed it anyway. You felt the distance between the two of you and that alone terrified you to no end, so whatever you could do to bring that closeness, that connection back, you’d do it in a heartbeat.

That led to him lazily thrusting into you moments later from behind. He held your thigh hiked up on his hip and with every thrust he huffed the strong scent of tequila against your cheeks. He buried his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly pushed into you, and despite how the night began, you couldn’t help but to moan his name as he held you tight.

Despite the way you wanted to tell him just how bad it hurt that he left you for so long, you swept it all under the rug and took the way he was peppering kisses to your skin, muttering your name under his breath and two i love you’s as his apology.

You knew this wasn’t the type of fight that could be smoothed over by a quick and meaningless fuck that only felt like it was passionate at the time.

This was time and time again of multiple arguments, hundreds of lies and infidelities being stuffed in a bottle until the cap blew off.

“You can’t turn this around on me anymore.” You glare at him, watching as he glared right back. “I wasn’t the one who fucked someone else when we were apart! I was the one trying to call you every single night to tell you how much I loved and missed you and you were the one going to strip clubs and parties and fucking every trashy whore you saw!”

“I didn’t just go out looking for bitches to fuck! It may seem that way in your twisted little brain but that’s not what fucking happened!” His chest heaved deeply as his words echoed through the room.

“Then what fucking happened?! Because I recall clear as day what I found out from multiple people except you!”

The text came through while you were sitting in class. It was from an unknown number but you didn’t pay attention to that when you saw the picture of Tyler and a blonde girl in his lap. It took everything for you not to burst into tears in the middle of the classroom. You’d had a gut feeling that things were off between the two of you but he always assured you that nothings changed and he can’t wait to get home to you.

You laid in your dorm room bed with your face buried in the pillows, crying until there were no tears left. Tyler didn’t answer when you called thirty two times and all you could think was that it was because he was with that girl.

Your heart physically ached, feeling like it was being squeezed by stone hands. Everything hurt but not nearly as much as the way his words kept echoing through your mind. All the I love you’s and I’ll never leave you’s, the lies. That’s all they were.

You got one single text from him at one in the morning and all he said was hey. He didn’t bother to answer when you immediately called and you knew he always had that phone on him. He was avoiding you. So you sent the picture and told him to explain it.

You double and triple texted for two days with no reply and for the first time ever you came to realize that it was over between you two. There was no more Tyler and Y/N and there was no closure either. You were in so much pain you could hardly stand to get out of bed but you needed that degree, and you had no choice but to force yourself to get it despite how much you’d rather stay curled under the bedsheets, crying until your eyes ran dry.

You got back to the dorms and drug your feet to your room. When you opened it, Tyler was sitting on the edge of your bed. He lifted his head and his reddened eyes met yours. Immediately you let the tears spill over and he rushed up to you, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head up to look at him.

He stared you straight in the eyes and said, “I’m so sorry. Im so sorry and I’ll never do it again. Please forgive me, babygirl. I know I don’t deserve it but I love you so much and I can’t lose you.”

You held onto every word. You believed him. You unfortunately always did.

“You’re nothing but a liar. You always were.” You shake your head as you feel disgust lurk inside of you. “You still can’t look me in the eyes and admit everything you’ve done. You still can’t own up to shit like a pussy little bitch!”

He scoffed and shook his head, looking away from you.

“It’s funny to you?! Really?!” You glared.

“Kinda, yeah.” He looks back at you and nods. “It’s funny cause you really don’t know shit.” He chuckled mockingly. “But you think you have it all figured out in that pretty little head of yours.”

“I’ve figured a lot more out than you think, Tyler. I just stopped begging you for the truth since it’s clear you’re too much of a fucking bitch to give it to me!”

A smirk played on his face and he dropped his head.

“You’ve figured out more than I think, huh?” He muttered beneath his breath. “So I guess you know about how your best friend tried to fuck me too?” He lifts his head and catches your reaction. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.” He chuckles again before he slips past you.

“You’re lying.” You cross your arms defensively.

“Yeah? Am I?” He smirked as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll show you the messages right now. She was tryna get me to come to her house when I went back home for the weekend and you were still away at school. If I supposedly fuck everybody, then why would I cuss this bitch out for trying to fuck her bestfriends boyfriend?”

You felt a new set of tears stinging your eyes and he noticed the way you were trying to hold them back. He shrugged. “I told you from the jump that girl wasn’t your friend. But you don’t trust me, so.”

You dropped your head, feeling a million weights bearing down on you. Your mind was in shambles as you stood in the middle of the room, feeling like you were permanently placed there, unable to move a muscle.

Tyler held his eyes on you and the lack of reaction. He expected more than that, but you had nothing at all to say and that wasn’t usual of you.

He was starting to get annoyed by all of the dramatics. All the fighting and the crying, especially. He yawned and outstretched his arms, rolling his head before he stepped closer to you. “Are we done fighting now?” His voice was suddenly no more than a soft whisper. “Cause I just wanna go to bed with you.”

You picked your head up and all he saw was pure devastation in your bloodshot eyes. You were weak and spineless. He’d effectively destroyed every inch of you from the inside out, even though he never intended to. Not from the beginning.

He almost didn’t recognize the shattered girl staring back at him. Those low, dead eyes were nothing like the bright and joyous, round and wide eyes that used to fill with adoration every time you looked at him. You never used to cry. You never used to yell. You never used to even be able to imagine the two of you fighting this bad.

Back when things were way too good to be true. And you wish you’d known that then.

“I’m so proud of you.” You grin from ear to ear as you lean your head on his shoulder. “You are by far the best FTW champion there will ever be.”

He placed a kiss to the top of your head as the two of you sat together on the couch, rewatching him winning the title earlier that night.

“I’m just glad you could be here.” He gave your thigh a squeeze. “It wouldn’t have been as special if i didn’t have you standing front row, supporting me.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, Tyler.” You look up at his relaxed face, and the gentle smile on it just as he looks down at you. His smile widens when he looks into your eyes. One of his favorite features. Didn’t matter how long you were together, he was always going to find himself lost within them.

“I love you.” He whispered before he placed a lingering kiss to those lips. “So much” he hummed against them.

He remembers that night for far more reasons that just winning the title. He remembers the pure excitement on your face the second his music hit and his eyes catching yours immediately in the swarm of faces around you. He remembers not even waiting for the show to be over before he told you to meet him back stage and sending one of the security guards to get you because all he wanted was to see you. All he wanted was to hug you and celebrate with you.

He had to push that memory out of his mind or else. He doesn’t like to live in the past.

You shook your head at him. “No. I’m not going to bed with you. I’m not doing that anymore.” You told him, taking a step back. “I can’t keep letting you do this to me, Tyler.”

He dropped his head back and sighed deeply, running his hand down his face before he found your eyes again.

“I can see how much you don’t care. I already know you never did.”

That’s when you heard another scoff and he looked away from you again, shaking his head. “Never did. Right.” He muttered only barely loud enough for you to hear.

“Yeah. I am right.” You shrugged your shoulders weakly. “I just wish I would’ve realized that you were never going to love me way before I fell in love with you.”

“Can you just fucking stop!” He suddenly shouts, eyes bursting with fire yet darkening by the passing second. “All this fucking talk about how I never loved you, never cared about you, it’s fucking bullshit and you know it! I made mistakes but that doesn’t mean I never fucking loved you, Y/N!”

You shook your head slightly. “If you did you never would’ve even thought about fucking anyone else but me, Tyler. It never would’ve been something that crossed through your mind and I know that because nothing like that ever crossed through mine and I loved you with every fucking thing in me!”

“People fucking make mistakes! I mean fuck what do you want from me? I’m not perfect but I fucking tried for the longest time and it was never good enough for you! You just wouldn’t trust me after that one incident and that pushed me further and further away from you! I can’t help it if I can’t sit here and be questioned all the fucking time like I’m under interrogation by you! I can’t help it if I don’t want to be haunted by the past forever!”

“Shut the fuck up Tyler.” You muttered, silencing him. “If it was one time that would be different, but you and I both know it was way more than that.”

“You did it again.” You whispered. By this point the tears had dried and the screaming match had simmered into an exhausted, dying conversation.

“She reminded me of you.” His eyes stayed on you, wishing you’d spare him a single glance but you couldn’t manage to look into those dark eyes that you loved way too much.

“You did it again.” You repeated, “after you promised me you’d never-“

“I missed you so much, y/n. So much it was painful for me to even breathe.”

“I missed you and I didn’t fuck anyone else, Tyler.” You finally raised your eyes and he caught the heartbreak shadowing them. “I just- I don’t understand. I don’t get why you-“

“Fuck y/n I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did it I just- she was there and she looked like you and she, fuck she even sounded like you and I was so drunk I somehow convinced myself that she was you.”

“But she wasn’t me.” You whispered weakly.

“No, she wasn’t. And I regret it more than any fucking thing. I swear to God I want to go back to that night and change everything, but I can’t baby. I can’t do that. All I can do is show you how sorry I am.”

He was breaking you down and you could feel it. Your heart always wanted him even though he was the worst thing for it.

He reached over and cupped your cheek with his warm hand. Your eyes falling to the floor when he held his gaze on you.

“Look at me, baby. Please.” His voice was pleading, cracking at the end. Your eyes met his and that was your biggest mistake.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I know you don’t believe that but I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you, and need you if you’ll give me that chance.”

You leaned into his palm, like you always would and caught the flash of relief washing over his face.

That all resulted in slow, sweet and passionate love making until the sun peeked through his curtains.

“I love you so much” he heavily whispered as he hovered over you, his hips rocking into you as a slow and steady pace. He placed warm kisses to from your forehead to your cheeks to your lips as he rolled his hips, driving so deep inside of you that your head was spinning.

“You’re so perfect for me” he breathed out as he cradled your face with his calloused yet gentle hands. “Everything about you, you’re an angel on this earth”

Your hands roamed down his back, nails digging into the same places that another woman’s hands had been. You wanted to feel him in that moment but you only imagined him saying these same things to her. Only imagined her nails clawing his skin. His lips against her cheeks. Her moans echoing through the air. And he didn’t even know that was all that was running through your mind as he intently studied your face, your response to his praises, your reactions to his body slickly gliding against yours.

When he went to sleep, you buried your face in the pillows and let your muffled sobs drench the fabric. But Tyler never knew that.

“I told you a long time ago that your constant questioning was doing nothing but pushing me away.” He tells you. “And you kept on, and kept on until I finally just snapped and said fuck it. If she doesn’t trust me then why should I keep trying?”

“Keep trying? When did you even start trying?” You countered. “You always had lingering eyes everywhere we went. You never even held my hand when other women you work with were around us. You never wanted anyone to think you were taken because you wanted to keep your options open, and still wouldn’t let me go. You should’ve left me alone the first time we broke up, but you couldn’t do that, could you Tyler? Because you needed your solid ground when the other bitches didn’t work out.”

“I couldn’t let you go because I fucking loved you!” He took a large step foward, closing the space between you. “When you left me I was fucking devastated! I tried to move on and everything reminded me of you!”

You rolled your eyes, a scoff of your own passing through your lips. “Yeah, like the other two sluts you ended up fucking? Or was it the stripper shaking her ass in your face?”

His teeth clamped together behind his lips, his jaw throbbing.

“You had a funny way of showing you were devastated.”

“None of them meant shit to me! You did!” His eyes widened. “Do you know how many times I cried to my dad about you?! Do you know how long I waited for you to return a single text?! I was so fucking depressed Y/N I had to take a month off of work!”

He was doing it again. That affect he always had on you. Almost like it was a spell he had casted over you long ago, but you couldn’t let him do it this time. You couldn’t take anymore of this and he was beginning to realize it. That was probably the only reason he was fighting back this time.

“Yeah, I hung out with a few girls because I couldn’t stand being alone with my own thoughts anymore, but every night when I got back home to that empty fucking bed and your goddamned pillow still sitting next to mine, I broke down and begged God to give you back to me!”

You felt your heart being squeezed with a vice grip. His eyes welled up with tears but he quickly dropped his head the second you caught it.

“And I came back to you” you remind him, “and you betrayed me again.”

You watched his shoulders slouch, as if there were weights bearing down on them.

“You continued to lie to me about where you were. You continued deleting texts. You were still liking half naked girl’s pictures on instagram. Still entertaining bitches when you should’ve been only focused on me!”

He lifted his head but remained silent.

“I gave you so many chances and every single time, you showed me why I never should’ve said yes to you years ago when you said you wanted to be more than just my best friend.”

You saw the flash of pain in his eyes and you wished you really meant those words, but he believed you did.

“I can’t believe this is what we’re doing on senior ditch day” you chuckle as you plop a chip in your mouth, eyeing the movie on tv. “Everyone else is at the beach and we’re sitting at home watching a cheesy ass movie.”

“I told you we can go to the beach but you said you wanted to chill at my house instead” he points out as he reaches into the bag of chips sitting between you.

“Yeah, I know. I’m in an introverted mood today.” You shrug.

“Me too.” He says before he leans up and grabs his phone off the coffee table. “But I’m also hungry. This pizza needs to hurry up and get here.”

“What kind did you order?” You asked. “Please don’t say cheese only.”

A smirk spread across his lips but he shook his head. “Not this time. I know you can’t stand a naked pizza. I got pepperoni and meat lovers supreme”

“Thank God.” You chuckled. Just then the doorbell rings and he was quick to get up off that couch. You stayed there and waited for him to get back.

His phone buzzed next to you and you peeked down at the bubble across the screen, brows knitting in confusion when you read a text from his friend that said, “Just ask her out or shut up about it.”

He came back seconds later with two boxes in his hand and a grin plastered on his face as he brought the pizza into the living room and set it down on the coffee table.

“Who are you asking out?” You asked, pushing his phone closer to him. His eyes widened when he looked at you, his cheeks dusting over with a rosy hue.

“Uh- I- I don’t know.” He shrugs. “It’s nobody, really.”

“You didn’t tell me you liked anybody?” You pressed on, placing the chips down on the table and turning to face him fully. “Who is she? Do I know her?”

He grabbed his phone and slid it in his pocket before he shook his head. “No, not really.”

“Well what’s her name?” You asked. “Do you have a picture of her? What does he look like? You never have crushes on people I’m so intrigued right now-“

“It’s you, Y/N.” He confessed, his eyes trained on the floor.

You felt your heart suddenly flutter in your chest, skipping a beat, even.

“Me?” You asked, dumbfounded.

He only nodded, pulling his lips underneath his teeth as he tapped his fingers over his knee.

You were speechless and he was way too flustered to speak himself. You sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes before he finally broke through it.

“If you want me to take you home now, I understand.”

But you shook your head. “No.” You whispered, watching as his head turned to face you and a look of pure astonishment played on his face. “I wanna hang out here with you.” You tell him, reaching over and grabbing his hand. “And yes” you nod. “The answer is yes.”

How it was so simple back then. Two teenagers who fell in love so hard and so fast, thinking they had the world in the palm of their hands.

Life hit fast after he left for AEW and that was always your biggest fear. You held onto him with claws latched but it was never enough to keep him. He was only there when he wanted to be.

You stared back at the man before you. The man who was once, your best friend. Someone you confided in with all your petty high school drama and the crushes you had that never gave you the time of day.

The man who quickly became your first real love the summer after senior year. Many hot nights spent under the stars, laying on a blanket and talking about the future you really thought you would have together.

The man who turned into a quick rising star when he left school to peruse his dream. You were his biggest fan through it all. The pride you felt when he made a name for himself in the company and worked his ass off day in and day out to only make himself better.

All the times that you came to visit while he was on the road and you’d spend hours upon hours making up for lost time behind closed doors. Even got a noise complaint in Chicago.

Somehow that was the same man who manipulated you time and time again. The same man who lied to you constantly. Who took advantage of your forgiveness too many times to count. Who couldn’t be loyal when you weren’t around.

He still had those eyes you fell in love with even before you ever realized you did. He had that youthful face that made him appear so warm and so sweet but that just wasn’t who he was anymore. He wasn’t the same man you fell in love with and you weren’t the same girl either.

As much as you tried to prevent this, you knew you couldn’t anymore. As much as you wished you could bring that former version of him back, he just wasn’t in there anymore.

“Tyler” you inhaled a shaky breath, and he could tell this time, it was different. You weren’t going to get under the sheets with him and he wasn’t going to wake up next to you in the morning.

“You’re leaving me.” He muttered, dropping his head. “I know.”

You watched as he collapsed down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots.

Suddenly he was seeing everything that you were, unwillingly, that is.

All the moments that made up such a long, chaotic and passionately painful relationship the two of you built together before he started to tear it apart piece by piece.

All the times he held you in his arms and listened to you tell him all about school and your friends there that are big fans of his. All the times he watched you break down in front of him, much like tonight, and he just stood there emotionlessly and waited for it to all be over because he knew you’d just come to bed with him after the fact and he knew how to make you feel better when you got underneath the bedsheets. All the lies he’s told that you still didn’t fully know and how you didn’t need to, because all it would do is keep you from restoring yourself.

He felt the ache of his heart and the impending emptiness that was soon to replace it when you walk out that door. He knew this was only the beginning of an end he caused himself, and he only just started to realize that when it was way too late.

You had to look away before the tears started streaming down your face again. You looked around the hotel room and took in the scent of his cologne lingering in the air that was unfortunately embedded in your senses now. It would probably haunt you forever.

Your eyes fell on the promise ring wrapped around your finger, one you’d worn since he gave it to you right before he left for AEW, and worn through every trial and tribulation that he drug you through.

The hardest part about looking at that ring was knowing the promises behind it were empty, broken and never true. You twirled it around your finger before you slid it off and it had been on for so long there was a permanent indentation where it should always be. Another thing that’s going to haunt you.

You turned around and saw him watching you, his eyes falling to that ring laying in your palm. His shoulders slouched as if he realized in that moment that this was real, you were already gone and he just gave up on trying to keep you there.

You extended your hand, gesturing for him to take back the ring but he shook his head lightly, looking up at you with tired, low eyes filled with pure pain.

“Don’t give it back. Please. Just keep it as a reminder that what we had was real.”

But you shook your head as you set the ring down on the armrest of the couch and mustered enough strength to say, “I don’t need any more reminders.”

His mouth clamped shut and he simply watched as you took a step back, slipping on your shoes that were sitting next to the couch before you crossed your arms over your chest, attempting to internally comfort yourself but you knew it wasn’t of any use.

The ending was just on the tip of your tongue and as much as he wanted to stop you from saying it, he knew he had no right to do it. He knew he was the reason why you were no longer the girl you should’ve always been and he knew that he was nothing but poison in your veins.

You took one last look at him, taking in the image of this man you were going to spend the rest of your life thinking about no matter what. He was going to be the story you told your future daughter when she has her first heartbreak. He was going to be the one that you would always wonder about no matter where your life takes you.

He dropped his head in his hands the second you spoke.

“I wish it never would’ve ended this way.” You whisper, knowing if you tried to speak any louder your voice would betray you. “I wish it never would’ve ended at all.”

He inhaled deeply and held that breath in an attempt to hold everything in.

“But I think we both knew it was coming. Goodbye Tyler.” You bid him the final goodbye and couldn’t bear to spare one more look at him before you walked out the door.

He sat there with his face buried in his hands, feeling the atmosphere of the room shift the second that door closed behind you. Emptiness quickly set in, the one thing he’s never done well with. The loneliness he always tried to avoid. The racing thoughts crashing through his mind that consisted of nothing except for you.

He reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone, seeing a text floating on the screen from a random girl he met a couple nights prior, and he chucked it against the wall, watching as it fell to the floor with a now shattered screen.

He glanced to the right where that ring sat. The engraving on the inside of the band staring back at him. The word forever etched into the solid gold now serving as a cold reminder that forever was shattered, much like all of his promises he ever made you.

[hamilando]

ੈ✩‧ just friends (smau) ੈ✩‧

pairing : charles leclerc x hamilton! fem reader

summary : what happens when the official lunch turns to official hate. This is PART 2 ! PART 1 HERE Part 3

tw : hate, cheating, rude comments

a/n : This is a series ! anyways enjoy ! also feel free to drop in a request or a question ! TAGLIST IS OPEN !!

tag list : @tremendousstarlighttragedy @hiireadstuff @mayalove014

·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ

liked by lewishamilton, charlesleclerc, lilyhye and 162,643 others

otherhamilton 2025 IS HAPPENING !!! @ charlesleclerc @ lewsihamilton

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user 1 AHHHHHHHHH

user 2 AHHHHHHHHH

user 3 AHHHHHHHHH

user 4 LESSGO LECLERCTON

lewishamilton ❤️🇬🇧

↳ liked by otherhamilton

user 5 Toto be crying in his Mercedes

user 6 with his billion dollars user 7 with George Russell user 8 without his 8 wdc

charlesleclerc lovely meeting you 💪🏻

otherhamilton same here Charles !

alexandramalenart welcome to the fam ❤️

otherhamilton ty bbg 🤍

scuderiaferrari Welcome @ otherhamilton 🙌🏻

otherhamilton the offfical admin - scuderiaferrari the best for the best - otherhamilton who said you are the best ? scuderiaferrari ouch 😩 mercedesamgf1 “alexa play drama by aespa” otherhamilton well @ scuderiaferrari who is the better Hamilton ?scuderiaferrari this violates rights and we have to refrain from answering mercedesamgf1 definitely @ otherhamilton otherhamilton @ mercedesamgf1 correct ☑️ answer !

user 9 NOT THE ADMINS FIGHTING OVER THE HAMILTON SIBLING

user 10 @ mercedesamgf1 forgot about Lewis -

user 11 toto sipping his wine laughing after telling admin to drop Lewis 🫷🏻

liked by user1, user 2 , and 765,926 others

f1wags Someone was seen being cosy with @ charlesleclerc!

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user 1 home-wrecker 😌

user 2 YALL LITERALLY DUMB !?

user 3 she is literally his teammates sister -

user 4 HE IS HAPPY DATING ALEX! REMOVE THIS

user 5 STAY AWAY FROM CHARLES 😤

user 6 she called alex bbg 🤢

user 7 SINCE YALL DONT UNDERTSAND ! She is Lewis Hamilton’s sister! She visits the paddock frequently and it’s common for her to have lunch with CHARLES AND LEWIS AND FRED AND THE WHOLE OF FERRARI TEAM !

user 8 They are literally just chatting in the first pic and the last 2 pics are of the official Ferrari Lunch !

user 9 why is she sitting next to Charles only -

user 10 here we go again !

user 11 ugh the famous kids wrecking relationships

user 12 never expected from @ otherhamilton

liked by lewishamilton, charlesleclerc, lilyhye and 162,643 others

otherhamilton ITS HAMMER TIME AGAIN !! so proud of you @ lewishamilton and congrats to @ charlesleclerc for the 1-2!

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lewishamilton thank you sis ❤️ would have appreciated a better picture of me !

otherhamilton oh cmon you old person who can suprisingly party

landonoriss I came third !

otherhamilton congrats kid ig 🫷🏻

user 1 LEWIS IS BACK !

user 2 told ya it was the car, not Lewis 😤

user 3 love how she is posting after ruining Charles life !

user 4 MY POINT EXACTLY @ user3

user 5 CAN YOU ATLEAST LET HER CLEEBRATE HER BROTHERS BIG MOMENT !?

user 6 just look at that, older brother winning hearts, little sister breaking hearts

user 7 home wrecker 🤢

liked by lewishamilton, charlesleclerc, lilyhye and 162,643 others

otherhamilton just some Aussie gp things

@ lewishamilton @ charlesleclerc @ alexandramalenart @ lilyhye @ alexalbon @ francisca.gnomes @ heidiberger

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lewishamilton you bursted my heart after all that screaming in paragliding

otherhamilton I COULD HAVE DIED ! lewishamilton but you didn’t 🫶🏻

user 1 oh to have a sibling bond like them 😩

user 2 pls my brother won’t even take me to target

lilihye 🪽 GIRL NIGHT

alexalbon I got a picture in THE @ otherhamilton Instagram

otherhamilton it was all lily. We don’t know any Alex lilihye 💪🏻💪🏻

alexandramalenart such a fab time 💛

otherhamilton 💛

user 3 not her forcing herself to comment -

user 4 the forced comment -

user 5 she literally wrecked her relationship !

user 6 the audacity to tag alex after spooling her relationship !

francisca.gnomes LOVED IT ❤️

otherhamilton more nights coming up 🙌🏻

heidiberger the late night swim -

otherhamilton loved how all the boyfriends came running 😌

user 7 yall notice how Charles didn’t comment or even like !?

user 8 why would he like his mistress post -

user 9 THATS TOO MUCH @ user8

user 8 it’s the truth -

user 10 just go in hibernation

user 11 too much drama of this stupid girl !

Part 3

[newtkive]

shift shenanigans - social media au (pt. 2)

note: yes there’s the main work chat w carmy, the secret coworker chat w/o carmy, and the secret secret bestie chat w syd, marcus, and yourself. it would be canon.

warnings: crude humor, slightly offensive jokes

part one

liked by carmyberzatto, marcus.brooks11 and 40 others

chefboyardee: life lately

see all 9 comments

syd_adamu: that pho was life changing

↳ chefboyardee: i think it was the best i’ve ever had

marcus.brooks11: feet off the table @syd_adamu

↳ chefboyardee: leave my girl alone

↳ richietheking: I knew you guys were lez

↳ syd_adamu: we aren’t and you can’t say that

↳ chefboyardee: oh.. we aren’t? ☹️😔

↳ syd_adamu: 😑

carmyberzatto: 🍲🔥

THE GOLDEN TRIO

[ 7:45 AM ]

y/n: did you see

did you see

did

you

see

ogmgokggkowkfofsk

syd: pardon??

what did richie do oh my god

did he post another picture of him with the gun from that one day

fuckkkk carmys gonna be so mad

marcus: nope i wish

y/n: he commented on my post 😭😭😭😭

syd: who

marcus: think about it

who else would cause this reaction

y/n: carmy!!!!!!!

i woke up to him commenting 🍲🔥 😍😍😍😍

syd: woah and the heart eyes?

y/n: no that’s my addition

syd: the bar is in hell

HES YOUR BOSS

y/n: AND I WANT HIS BABIES??

marcus: y’all so hype to be pregnant THEN BOOOMMM ‼️ THE BABY’S UGLY AND BALD WITH ECZEMA 😩🤨

syd: LMFAOOOOO WHOS YALL THO????

y/n: bye im done

im leaving for work.

don’t talk to me ever again

done.

marcus: bye 👋

why do you leave so early fool

syd: so she can be teachers pet

marcus: smh always there before everyone

y/n: not true.

syd: i thought you weren’t talking to us

y/n: 😒

marcus: want me to bring y’all an iced latte again

y/n: …. 😁

WORK

[ 8:15 AM ]

y/n: AYOOOO

great job cleaning up after work yesterday 😊👍

richie: Is this a joke?

y/n: why would i joke about such a thing

carmy: Y/n what are you doing

y/n: u said to tell everyone their housekeeping is shitty

carmy: No I said I was going to tell them that, and you said no I’ll do it

This is not what I meant

y/n: well you yell too much

marcus: ouch

that’s my station 😔

carmy: Well clean it better

y/n: im using reverse psychology and positive reinforcement

carmy: Not what that means

y/n: well notice how no one’s mad at me

im making alliances day by day

richie: You’ve worked here for two years and we are already friends

y/n: so you’re saying you aren’t my ally

richie: No

We are definitley in an alliance

y/n: love u richie

richie: Don’t go that far

chefboyardee’s instagram stories

WE HAVE THE BEEF 🥩

[ 3:25 PM ]

y/n:

he so fine im bouta cermmmmm

syd: …..

marcus: :O

y/n: why are you acting shocked

like i haven’t said this daily

tina: Woah girl who?

y/n: HUH

richie: I’m not in the picture I don’t get it

syd: let’s just keep working before carmy notices

tina: I don’t care I’m on smoke break. Who are you talking about girl? Spill the tea..

marcus: she was talking about me you guys

y/n: the guy in the back

oh i mean yeah marcus

tina: The meat delivery guy? He has a wife..

y/n: we are having an affair

marcus: no it’s about me

richie: I didn’t know Marcus and Y/n were a thing..

tina: Something ain’t right. No way they are.

marcus: we aren’t it’s just our sense of humor

y/n: i was just being funny!

tina: What did Jeff just yell inside?

syd: came out of the office and said “just cuz we’re slow doesn’t mean you can play on your phones” 👍💯

tina: Whatever. No chance Y/n meant Marcus. You got the hots for Jeffrey?

y/n: what no

tina: Well I wouldn’t blame you. He’s cute

y/n: OMG RIGHTTTTTTT

its the tattoos isn’t it

richie: You have to be fucking joking

tina: I was playing..

y/n: im confused

syd: that was cruel

marcus: who cares it’s not a big deal

y/n: so you don’t think he’s cute tina?? ☹️☹️

tina: No he is cute… for you 😝

y/n: this is humiliating

richie: I’ll tell him

y/n: NO

stop

sSTOP THATS NOT FUNNY

richie im not joking i’ll put a bomb in your floorboards

richie: I’m just fucking with you kid

tina: This isn’t over.

THE GOLDEN TRIO:

[ 3:40 PM ]

syd: y/n….

marcus: you look like a ghost y/n

y/n: i cannot believe i sent that to the wrong gc

i’m done im so done

marcus: stop looking so sad it’s making me feel bad

syd: it’s okay! just be thankful it wasn’t to the work groupchat with him in it..

marcus: true it could be worse

y/n: i guess so

thank you for trying to cover for me marcus

marcus: anytime you know i got you

syd: let’s get back to work before we start looking obvious

[captainwans]

★ . . . ❛ ━━ BEN CHILWELL x FEM!READER.

( MASTERLIST! )

Liked by macerlyofficial, amandampn and others

yourinstagram name another plant enthusiast, i’ll wait. 🙋🏽‍♀️🪴

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katrinefogtfriis plantemor! 🌾🩶 ( plant mother )

yourinstagram min smuk! 🌸 ( my prettiest )

user if she doesn’t get any cuter

user thats so cute 🥹

sophiaamelia i love this! 😍

yourinstagram and i love you 😙

joaofelix79 i like plants too just saying…

yourbestfriend and your flirting attempts needs an update just saying…

cmpulisic i knew you would say smth like that 😭😭

user CACKLING

user lmao she’s back

user smh he can never get a break

user this is so funny

masonmount benchilwell mate your house is a freaking jungle those leaves slapped my face so hard i’m not even kidding 😭

kaihavertz29 now i’m picturing you getting slapped and i can’t stop laughing

user no bc same i’m literally shaking

benchilwell bro i face planted into a 3 feet tall plant don’t complain 😒

user poor things 😭😂

yourbestfriend benchilwell you deserved it

benchilwell yourbestfriend 😐

Liked by benchilwell, yourfriend and others

yourinstagram 　

view all the comments

benchilwell 😍🥵🔥

yourinstagram liked this comment!

user holy mama im gay

user SLAYY QUEEN

sasha__rebecca gorgeous!! 🤩🤍

yourinstagram love u sash! 💞

user 😍😍

helenespilling fineste dama jeg vet om! 🔥😩 ( prettiest woman i know )

yourinstagram fineste danseren jeg vet om 😉 ( prettiest dancer i know )

odegaard.98 yourinstagram enig! 🤩 ( agreed )

vegardharm nei nå må du slutte 🔥😍 ( now you have to stop )

yourinstagram slutt jeg rødmer 🫣💞 ( stop i’m blushing )

laurennjjames beautiful as always! 🩷

yourinstagram got it from you 🫶🏼

user lauren is so smol i love their friendship!!

user y/n is collecting celebs like infinity stones

yourinstagram i’m gonna pin this comment 🤭

Liked by alexchilwell, sophiaamelia and others

yourinstagram some unhinged moments

view all the comments

user NOT THE WINE

user christian has me dying

user they’re all so unserious i love them

masonmount without me 🥺

yourinstagram if you didn’t leave chelsea then maybe you could’ve gotten the invite 😊

masonmount ouch 😣

chelseafc 🫣

manchesterunited pls don’t get us involved

3,173 liked this comment!

user SHE DID NOT

user YN APOLOGIZE NOW

user how did you managed to get chelseafc manchesterunited to get here pls-

yourinstagram user i have no idea 😭 now i’m gonna have 12 year old football fans coming at me

user a punch in the throat— same

user poor mase shshs

yourbestfriend ok but why does the smashed wine bottle look so aesthetic? 🫢😩

marcusrashford and what’s wrong with man utd

yourinstagram i just don’t like your team don’t take it personally

yoursister what did that wine do to you?

yourfriend a lot… 🫣

benchilwell she was so drunk that she thought that the wine bottle was thor’s hammer and smashed it on the floor 💀

sophiaamelia she cried so much after that thinking that she “destroyed” thor’s hammer 😭

reecejames poor wine 😞

yourinstagram *poor me 🖕🏻 reecejames

kaihavertz29 so much happened last night i don’t even remember half of it rip

cmpulisic it went so far that we all crashed at a fancy party and bought 16 bottles of wine

rlc lmaoo now i remember 😭 memorable

user what is going on with this comment section

user i’m so confused

user pls how did we get from man utd to thor’s hammer?

user idk but i’m cackling my ass off this is so funny

user don’t act surprised y/n’s comment section is always a mess and we’re here for it

user it’s like watching a comedy show fr

user can someone get me updated of y/n and mason’s friendship my heart aches just thinking about it pls why am i so invested

user pls- me too the comment was too far

user right? like why would she say that

user he already got too much on his plate rn

user she’s so annoying

yourbestfriend you guys are taking this too far pls it’s not even that serious 😭

yourinstagram user mase is doing just fine he’s sitting behind me giggling at the comments

masonmount no bad blood guys! ❤️

[maybanksbabe]

Imagine you or jj are going through something (whether it’s personal or something to do with finding the gold) and neither of you want to speak about it but would also be a lot worse not being each other’s presence, so you just sit at the dock at the chateau watching the water and the sky knowing that even though right now you don’t want to talk you’ll always be there for one another

god my heartttttt😩😩

You have my heart too anon like OUCH

You will always ALWAYS be there for JJ come hell or high water, and he would do the same for you without hesitation. But neither of you want to talk about how dangerous this hunt for gold is getting and the several near death experiences you've both already had so far. You set the scene so beautifully anon with the two of you just sat on the dock, legs hanging over the she, watching the water and the sunset, not wanting to talk about it yet but knowing it's about to get a lot worse. But you'll have each others backs no matter what may happen

[eleanor-bradstreet]

Sometimes the stars just align. My heart was in need of some comfort this week and you posted this incredible story that helped mend it in so many ways 💙 Ben’s self doubt and frustration - it spoke to me. The hopeful, transformative power of love - it filled me with warm fuzzies. And peppered all throughout are your wonderful, characteristic little bits of humor and nods. 🥹 It was so much more than I imagined when you described the prompt, ngl. Every scene is vital, every emotion is so poignant. This has already made it onto my favorites list for your stories.

Omg just the opening. “A familial insurance policy…your whole existence can seem like a contingency plan.” So succinct and cuttingly true. Ouch 🥺

Baby Ben having his archery success so completely ignored 😭😭 “Perhaps next time, they will notice.” Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! He is already learning to quietly shoulder the oversights. To curl in on himself and accept that he’ll never be the center of attention. My babbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyy 😩😩😩😩😩😩

The debutante and mama’s commentary at the ball, how she can do better. Reminded me so much of Ben’s anxieties around the masquerade in AOFAG. He ONLY became a catch because the titled one was taken, and even then, no one knew his name. Always the Number Two. The Tall One. The consolation prize, as you so aptly put. 

Then you RIP my heart RIGHT THE FUCK OUT by describing Violet and Ben’s first ball since they lost Edmund 😭😭😭😭😭 This is a scenario of their grief I never pictured before. Only Ant and Ben would have been old enough to go out in society at that point, and the primary purpose would be to scout for the next Viscountess and try to inject a bit more stability into their family. But Anthony doesn’t go. 💔 Omg the VOLUMES this speaks for all these characters!! Anthony doesn’t go because he doesn’t want to be addressed as the Viscount or receive anyone’s condolences. He doesn’t want to be reminded of the pain he’s trying so desperately to avoid. He doesn’t want to find a match because he refuses to love. He is probably exhausted from seeing Violet’s grief too and just can’t bear it in public. So he goes to drown his sorrows. But where does that leave Violet? Bereft and dependent upon the one other child that could be considered something of an adult - Ben. His role as emotional laborer and support animal is kicked into high gear as he has to step up and try to heal the hearts Anthony is too crushed to acknowledge. “Their burdens may be different, but the wish to escape them is often not” *screaming* You packed so much into a small scene here, it’s expertly done. “her whole bodyweight seeming to use him as her literal pillar of support. As he escorts her around the room, he is filled with admiration at her brave face. He can see the overwhelming sadness in her eyes every time the word dowager is invoked, and his heart cracks a little at the loneliness he can feel emanating from his mother’s very soul.” 😭😭 I’M TOAST.

Then Miss Bradstreet, omg 🤣🤣🥹🥹🫶🫶 You are too sweet to pop her in here. I was cackling with glee! To think she made Benedict’s palms sweat… 😮‍💨 Then I got a bit peeved at her when she was so dismissive to Ben. But like…who could say no to Anthony either?!?!? I just want to shake her and scream “GO FOR THEM BOTH, GIRL! SWOON SO THEY BOTH HAVE TO PICK YOU UP AND CARRY YOU INTO THE SHADE! INSIST THAT YOU NEED ONE ON EACH ARM TO WALK YOU BACK TO SAFETY!!!” I feel like maybe she didn’t have her wits about her that day. Or she’s blind in one eye from some dreadful embroidery incident. That’s the only way she could pick one over the other rather than just hyperventilating at them both 🤪🤪

Then we get to Reader - a fatherless second daughter, how absolutely perfect so that she can understand where Ben is coming from. 🥹 The way you describe the love at first sight, the sensations and chemistry just tearing through both of them - its gorgeous. I was holding my breath, so so happy for them both 💙

“A tall, baby-faced young man” pppfffttttt 🤣🤣 I immediately knew who that was. Bravo.

The hand kiss….THE HAND KISS!!! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE HAND KISS!!!! 😍😍

All of Benedict’s fantasies - the cottage life, the garden, and you loop back around to the archery!! FUCKING BEAUTIFUL FAYE!!! At last someone who will acknowledge his skill and join in the fun with him 🥹🥹🥹 Fourteen years he’s been waiting and now he has found The One. I’M EXPLODING INTO RAINBOWS OVER HERE 🌈🌈🌈

“and finally, the image that truly knocks the wind out of him, you naked under him, desperately moaning his name as you move together, entwined in ecstasy.” Oh shit 🥵🥵 well, this is Faye’s fics after all 😉 hot damn

“Benedict,” his name feels wonderful in your mouth, like a gift from the heavens. -yep, that’s what it feels like 😅

“ruffling his hair as you move to fix his cravat; it definitely needs to be more jaunty, in your opinion.” AAAHHHHH!!! Thank youuuuuu!!!!! 😁😁😁😂😂😂🫶🫶🫶

Guhhh, their conversation before the gallery. He still has these insecurities, so deeply ingrained he’ll probably never truly banish them. But he can dismiss them once they arise thanks to Reader’s reassurance. He has his own family now where he is the protector and provider - the one and only. First in everyone’s hearts 💙 And it’s so incredible and novel to him, he just gazes in wonder. I can’t….🥹🥹

“Thank you, my love, for being the light of my life; for always making this second son your first choice.” The bow on top. The perfect conclusion. So beautiful. 👏👏👏💓💓💓

Everything you write bowls me over but this one gave me an extra knock around the block. You take short and sometimes vague prompts and weave so much magic with them - you are so talented. This is sweet but not treacly; it addresses real angsty feelings that are completely canon for the characters; it explores our favorite character in a nuanced and important way; and the happy ending is so satisfying. I needed this. I love this. It’s amazing. You’re amazing. 💙

Second Son

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader

Summary: The second son is, for once, the first choice...

Warnings: none really... mild angst, family dynamics, love at first sight.

Word Count: 2.9k

Authors Note: Request fill for anon here, about Benedict being the second choice for everything.... until his love turns up. Thanks for this request; I hope this is angsty enough for you anon. Im not sure about it tbh. Sorry that it's taken more than three months to get to it on my WIP list. Unbetaed. Enjoy <3

Benedict Bridgerton was born into privilege and can have few complaints. Except perhaps that he is always second. The spare. The just-in-case option. Being a familial insurance policy lends one more freedom than the burden of being the titled first son, perhaps, but it also feels like your whole existence, in some respects, can seem like a contingency plan.

____

His stomach swoops with excitement as the arrow pierces the target dead on the bullseye. And on his first ever archery lesson, just after his twelfth birthday.

He turns around to see if anyone is there to witness his triumph, but it goes unmarked. All his young siblings gathered around Anthony, patting him on the back for his achievements in doing the same moments before. Being a good shot is an essential skill for the next Viscount indeed. The fact that he has been receiving instruction for months already and this is Benedict’s first lesson hurts a little.

But he doesn't bother to bring attention to his arguably more impressive feat. It seems pointless now. Wordlessly he shrugs and walks towards the target, plucking out his arrow and starting again. Perhaps next time, they will notice.

____

“Is that the new Viscount Bridgerton?” Benedict hears a young girl murmur as he sweeps into the first societal event of the season, the spring following his father's death. 

“Oh no, my dear, sadly not; I believe that is one of the brothers,” her mother replies, acting as if he has no sense of hearing, even trying to ignore it as he is, surveying the crowd.

“Such a shame,” the young girl huffs, “he is so very handsome.”

“Yes, dear, but sadly not titled. We can do better,” her mother chides, moving them along out of earshot.

He will never get over how cutthroat the Ton can be, a part of his tender seventeen-year-old heart sinking. Not that he had a potential interest in that girl, more the principle that he will somehow be rendered as an also-ran, at best a consolation prize, for the rest of his life.

What is most galling, perhaps, is that, when his mother needs their presence the most on a night like tonight, the new VIscount is nowhere to be seen. Has not even bothered to show his face, running off to some spurious gambling den and brothel, spending the night indulging himself rather than facing society. 

So here Benedict is, stepping up to play the dutiful son that his elder brother should be. Being the support their mother so desperately needs at her first event as a widow, her arm looped heavily through his, her whole bodyweight seeming to use him as her literal pillar of support. As he escorts her around the room, he is filled with admiration at her brave face. He can see the overwhelming sadness in her eyes every time the word dowager is invoked, and his heart cracks a little at the loneliness he can feel emanating from his mother’s very soul. 

“Tis a shame the Viscount did not deign the first event of the season worthy of his patronage,” she states pointedly as she sips champagne.

“I am sure he has very good reasons for his absence,” Benedict replies soothingly, covering for his errant brother, attempting to shield their mother from the truth of his philandering ways. Benedict knows it is Anthony’s way of dealing with the responsibility of the title of Viscount being thrust upon him so young. But sometimes, just sometimes, Benedict wishes he could escape his grief in such a manner, Anthony taking his turn attending a stuffy ball and playing guardian to a grieving woman. Their burdens may be different, but the wish to escape them is often not, Benedict realises.

____

She catches his eye at a garden party at Aubrey Hall. She is a pretty young lady, maybe eighteen to his twenty-three, with bright eyes and a sweet, happy face. She makes his palms slightly sweaty. He watches her from a distance, uncertain how to approach or what to say, feeling a little tongue-tied, even. 

Just then, Anthony materialises at his shoulder.

“Who is that pretty young thing?” Anthony asks, tracing Benedict’s line of sight.

“Miss Bradstreet,” he replies, watching as she turns to face the sun, closing her eyes, basking in its warmth. The light captures her cheekbones perfectly, and he itches to have his sketchbook and capture her likeness. He would very much like to get to know her better.

“Let's go provide a warm welcome,” Anthony smirks, clapping a hand on Benedict’s shoulder and practically dragging him across the lawn.

Benedict reluctantly follows, a flutter of excitement as her eyes land upon them as they approach. 

“Miss Bradstreet,” Anthony swaggers. “Viscount Bridgerton at your service; I am so very pleased to be your host today,” he bows.

Benedict's stomach plunges as he watches her practically melt into the lawn right there, virtually swooning at Anthony’s feet.

“Oh, and this is my brother, Benedict,” Anthony adds, almost as an afterthought. 

She flicks her head to the side briefly to politely acknowledge Benedict before returning to Anthony. All of her undivided adoring attention on him as he regales the story of his latest hunting triumphs upon her insistence. Benedict heaves a sigh and watches as yet another young lady he likes chooses his brother over him. He is almost used to it now, but it doesn't stop the sting every time.

____

Your world grinds to a halt as you see him. He is descending the stairs with what you assume is the rest of his family. He is very much in the middle of a tight circle, walking behind what appears to be his mother and perhaps older brother. Quite the most beautiful man you have ever seen, your heart pounding in your ears, your throat suddenly dry despite the lemonade in your hand. You assume they must be the hosts, seeing as they are the very last to enter the ballroom here at Bridgerton House, and there is no announcement of their name.

“Who is that?” you whisper, leaning towards your elder sister. She has been out among society for a year and knows the Ton better than you.

“That is the Bridgerton family, of course,” she replies. “Illustrious in the extreme. Our hosts for this evening. The Viscount there is the most eligible bachelor of every season… and every season, he has resisted a match. So I wouldn't bother if I were you,” she sniffs.

“Which is the Viscount?” you check, your eyes unable to leave the beautiful man with a cravat tied in the most unconventional fashion.

“The one with his arm looped with their mother, the dowager Viscountess, naturally,” your sister rolls her eyes as if patently obvious.

“And what of the others?” you inquire keenly, realising the man you admire cannot be the one your sister is referring to. “Do you know their names?”

“I do not,” she admits, “such things are not really important when one is looking for a titled husband,” she points out airily. 

You nod, knowing the responsibility your sister must carry as firstborn to find a suitable match that can provide for your widowed mother and, indeed, perhaps yourself and your younger sister should neither of you be able to find a husband. You don’t envy her position one little bit. 

You are, however, desperate to get closer to the most beautiful man you have ever seen. And so you spend your evening working towards them, in as polite of a fashion as you can, your stomach in knots of excitement to know him.

“Dowager Viscount Bridgerton, it is an honour and a pleasure to meet you,” you curtsy, heart pounding as he now stands a few feet away, unable to look at him so close by.

“Hello, my dear and you are?” she asks politely.

“Miss y/n y/l/n, it is my very first season; I am so honoured to be here,” you explain. “I must provide the apologies of my mother, Mrs y/l/n, who could not attend tonight due to a cold, but she is so very thankful for the invitation.”

“Oh, of course,” the viscountess smiles. “I am so sorry to hear of her illness; please pass on my best regards… Anthony!” she turns to her side to grab the attention of a man. The viscount’s head whips around from where he is in discussion with another. “Come meet Miss y/l/n,” she needles pointedly. “Miss y/l/n, this is the Viscount Anthony Brdgerton, and he is so pleased not only to make your acquaintance but also for your presence here tonight,” she welcomes on his behalf, and you do not miss the subtle nudge in the ribs she gives him.

Then his regard is drawn to you. He is handsome certainly, and you appreciate his polite but absent-minded greeting. His attentions are obviously elsewhere, but then you cannot fault him as yours are the same. Your gaze strays over his shoulder to the man who first captures your attention. And your breath is stolen by how his hazy blue eyes stare intently at you.

____

Benedict is twenty-six years old when he is struck by lightning. Not literally. But that is the sensation that runs through his body when he first lays eyes on you—politely introducing yourself to his mother and thanking her for your invitation to this ball. 

He thought he knew what attraction was until this point. He thought he knew the depths to which one could fall in love in an instant. He was an utter fool. He looks at you, and at once, everything is so quiet and loud all at once. He is desperate to know you in a way he has never felt. To grab your hand, take you somewhere, and ask you a million questions to get to know your soul. He also wants to kiss you so much that his lips tingle. And inside, his lungs want to scream as his mother does the natural thing and introduces the beautiful, polite young lady to her most eligible son… Anthony. 

Then his heart jolts as your eyes stray from Anthony and meets his, your pupils dilating in a way that makes his lungs too small to inhale air. It is the first and only time a young woman has had Anthony’s full attention and has looked away from it. And to him, no less. The tidal flood of chemicals in his system makes it feel like he is vibrating in his very shoes.

____

You try your best to be polite and look at Anthony as he speaks, but your sight is drawn to this other man like a moth to a flame. From appearance, the second son, as you are the second daughter. A flare of understanding and sympathy in your chest as to how that is. You want to grab his hand and run away with him.

“My lord,” you find your voice and snap your eyes back to the Viscount, “would you do me the honour of introducing me to the rest of your wonderful family?” your ask, almost timid.

He looks temporarily taken aback, as if mystified why anyone in the Ton would care about the status of anyone beyond his mother and himself. You smile at him expectantly and do not miss, from the corner of your eye, how the beautiful man’s face is awash with surprise at your request.

“Oh, most certainly,” Anthony seems to snap out of his temporary stupor and turns to introduce his siblings in attendance. A tall, baby-faced young man stands to attention as Anthony moves from left to right. “This is Colin; he has just returned from his travels in Greece,” you nod and smile politely, knowing nothing of the subject. “And this is my sister, Eloise; it is her first season, and she is not in the slightest bit happy about that,” he adds dryly, and you can't help but giggle and feel a kinship with the spirited young lady who returns your wry smile. “My eldest sister, the Duchess of Hastings, who is visiting us,”

You curtsy and bow your head. “It is an honour, your Grace,” you add, and she smiles sweetly at you, her arm looped in her mother's.

“Obviously, you have met my mother,” he continues, and suddenly he is the last in the line. You feel your palms clench, sweaty in anticipation of learning his name “... and this is my brother, Benedict; he hopes to be an artist.”

You are finally brave enough to meet his eyes again. He is so achingly beautiful that the rest of his family, indeed the whole ballroom, melt away from your view—he is all you can see.

“Oh, I adore art,” you stutter, mesmerised, offering your hand to him, the first and only person in the family you do so to. Unseen by you, your gaze only on one man, Anthony’s mouth drops open in surprise.

Nothing can prepare you for when Benedict’s gloved hand gently touches yours, him bowing to kiss the back of your hand. You catch a woody citrus scent that makes your mouth water as he does so. And then you feel the warmth of his lips through your glove, and you are utterly undone.

“Miss y/l/n,” he rumbles quietly, the sound making your insides melt even more; it's deep and resonant and makes every inch of your body tingle.

“Please call me y/n,” you murmur, moving closer, knowing how scandalous that might be, but seemingly unable to stop yourself. He has a hypnotic hold over you that you don't want to fight.

“Only if you shall call me Benedict,” he breathes, and it takes Anthony clearing his throat to make you spring apart, suddenly remembering where you are.

____

His lips touch the silk of your glove, and he is gone. 

Already planning a future, his mind supplying images of you at his cottage out in the country, the lady of the house. Tending to the herb garden, reading happily curled up in front of the fire in the drawing room, fearlessly plucking a bow as you stand in front of joint archery targets gently teasing him for losing to a girl, and finally, the image that truly knocks the wind out of him, you naked under him, desperately moaning his name as you move together, entwined in ecstasy.

He hears your sharp inhale, and his heart skips at the idea you feel it too. That you are the first woman ever that sees him and not Anthony. Really sees him. Not as the second son. Not as a consolation prize. 

And when your body seems to sway towards him, he is already mentally asking his mother for a betrothal ring from her grandmother, which she said she is keeping just for him.

____

“Benedict,” his name feels wonderful in your mouth, like a gift from the heavens. “Please, may we take a turn around the gardens?” you implore, the boldest you have ever been in your whole life. 

“It would be my very greatest pleasure,” he responds.

And you know with absolute certainty you have met your husband, the father of your children, your very future. 

____

“It is not as if this is my show….” he sighs.

“You should not do that, darling,” you say affectionately, ruffling his hair as you move to fix his cravat; it definitely needs to be more jaunty, in your opinion.

“Do what?” he breathes, his wedding ring catching the light as he places his hands gently over yours and stills your motions.

“Think of yourself as second,” you argue, running your hand over his cheek. “This gallery opening may feature others' work too, but you are the star of the exhibit,” you reassure, tilting his forehead down so it rests upon yours.

There it is again. That look that always floors you. Even now, a year later. Like you are the most wondrous creature, and he can scarcely believe you are his.

“Never forget, you will always be first to me,” you utter fiercely, watching his eyes soften with devotion. “And not just me….” you guide his sizeable warm hand onto the swell of your belly, “to us. We love you so much, Benedict,” your tone is ardent, wanting him to believe he deserves this recognition, that he should believe in himself the way that you do.

“I love you, too,” he responds quietly, reverentially. “So very much. Both of you are my whole world,” his voice choked with emotion, and you throw your arms around him and squeeze hard, wanting to telegraph just how much he is the very centre of your universe.

An hour later, you clutch your hands over your chest as you watch him being brought onto the raised stage and introduced to the crowd as they applaud him and his work rapturously, awaiting to hear him talk of his art. As he does so, you stroke your belly unseen under your cloak, beaming with pride for your wonderful husband.

____

He sees your face in the crowd, and as ever, it calms him, especially at this landmark moment. So as he finishes the speech that he has rehearsed for days now, he decides to do something perhaps unconventional but something he seems unable to resist.

“Lastly, before I allow you back to your champagne,” he jests, finally at ease with the attention and recognition. “I want to thank my life’s inspiration, the very reason I stand before you today. My wonderful wife. Thank you, my love, for being the light of my life; for always making this second son your first choice. You will always, always be my first choice. I love you.” 

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @mlovesbridgerton @m-rae23 @last-sheep

[thatpunkmaximoff]

Story: 4 out of 5 Smut: 2 out of 5

Dear lord, this book was a rollercoaster.

I knew this was going to be a Peter Pan reimagining/retelling, but I thought it was going to be an All Human universe. I did not expect the paranormal aspect, but I loved it nonetheless.

Dee had such a hard life growing up and it didn’t exactly get any better. At least, not until she meets Sinn. Sort of.

I thought Sinn was a complete hardass, but the changes in him had me softening towards him, and I ended up loving him by the end.

The ONLY thing I would have changed was Tink’s punishment. She was such a big C word towards Dee, and I thought more should have happened. Dee and Sinn should have been petty and made out or something right in front of her before sending her off with Hook. I love how the author took a character I once adored and made me loathe her in this. Great writing!

Now here are my rambling thoughts…

* The worst one yet? Ouch. Dee just can’t pick the right guys.

* Sinful Delights… why do I feel like she made the wrong choice 😬

* Fuck generic Billy Bob. Should have kept his hands off Dee.

* Okay, Sinn. I see you 😏

* Wtf is going on with him? I’m so confused on why he’s so angry lol

* You’re riling up the wrong man, Dee.

* Oohhhh. So that’s why Tink said Sinn was OFF. LIMITS. I forgot tinker bell held a torch for Pan lol.

* Hook and Sinn are brothers!

* Soooo.. what did Sinn lose?

* Sinn punched through a guy’s chest and ripped out his heart..? Wtf is going on 😨

* “Sinn is salted ice. Ready to burn me up completely. And there’s nothing more thrilling than the thought of letting him burn me, so I can finally feel alive. Maybe that’s why he’s so addicting.”

* Wow. Dick move, Sinn. Getting her so close to coming, only to stop and spew some bullshit at her. Fuck you.

* You fuck her but don’t get undressed? I mean, Dee knew what she was getting into but damn…

* Tink is a cunt lol.

* I love possessive Sinn. The way he pulled Dee onto his lap when she was laughing with Hook 🥵

* So Hook believes Dee is good for Sinn while Tink doesn’t. She’s such a jealous bitch and I can’t wait until Sinn finds out about her being shady af.

* Awww. So Sinn can be tender. Wtf happened to him..?

* Enter The Crocodile. Or Samuel. Wtf did Tink do 🤦🏻‍♀️

* Tink, you jealous bitch. You just had to give her gold dust.

* Oh man. Dee’s had a tough life.

* SHE’S IN PURGATORY?! THE LAND OF NEVER!!!

* Damn. She’s destined for Hell.

* Goddammit. So it’s either Hell or Purgatory, but if she stays in purgatory, so does Sinn who will not get his shadow wings back.

* Omg. I only have so many pages left and I NEED Sinn to find out it was Tink who started this clusterfuck.

* “I’ll hold you until I can’t hold you anymore.” — I FUCKING HAYE IT HERE 😩

* She left… and he got his wings back 😭

* Oh my god… LOVE. Why is love always the answer. I’m so happy tho.

[nimata-beroya]

MY THOUGHTS on TBB 2×01 "SPOILS OF WAR" and 2×02 "RUINS OF WAR"

THEY'RE BACK! THE BOYS (+ OMEGA) ARE FINALLY HERE!!! I can't describe how happy that makes me. I guess I don't need to explain, since most of you if not all are as happy as I am.

Below, I'm leaving my reactions and thoughts about this amazing start to the season! It really paid off, all this excruciating wait.

I knew it, I knew they were going to start the season there in the beach. From the predictions I made for the season, I got that right. Also, that Cid's lady friend would appear in these episodes.

But let me go for a few back to the beach. Echo falling face down, hilarious, just as Wrecker's high-pitched voice. And Hunter's overprotective streak has grown stronger. The Dad™️ is still with him.

Hey! Azi is working as bartender??!!? Well, I guess that eliminates the trouble of an overcrowded Marauder.

🤣🤣🤣 Tech's response to flirt is sooooo Tech! And how Din Djarin of him to be called "Brown Eyes" 😆

Serenno?? They're going there now? My first bet was they'd go later in the season. I guess I was wrong about that.

Awwww, Dad Hunter helping Omega with her homework, so sweet! 🥰

😆 EVERYONE sided against Hunter. Aww, he's just thinking about giving Omega the best life she deserves. But Echo's got a point! I mean, what good it does that they have a quiet life while the galaxy is a mess, and how long their personal paradise would stay that way? We know the empire would catch up with them eventually. And Hunter, like it or not, you can't hide forever.

Aww 😩but Omega heard, and now she's feeling bad.

Hey! Echo's got a nickname! Killjoy 🤣 Love it!

Oh, so that's Serenno. When it showed up in the trailers, I thought it was any other planet but that. And oof! It was bombarded, too. Yikes! 😬

Ooh, new clone just dropped. A captain 😊 I love him already.

No!! Not again! 😱 Phew! Hunter, please, would you stop falling down from ships and stuff? Thank you!!!! Once was one too many!

Tech and Echo are being a real treat this episode! I love that we're having more of them this season.

Oh. he's got a name. Hello, captain Wilco!

😂 omega remembering things tech didn't think of. I love that he's impressed and told her so.

The scream when wrecker and hunter went down the elevator 🤣🤣🤣 Who was that? Probably Wrecker.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 😨Thank goodness they released 2 episodes. I'd have died waiting with that cliffhanger!!!

This mission is doing a number on Hunter's blood pressure 🤣He's so stressed.

Not so fast, guys. Ugh! It's going to leave a mark!

No! Tech is hurt 😫(And I don't appreciate the parallel to Nemmik's death in Andor! Don't scare me like that!)

Omega no. Don't get ideas! Ugh, you will do something foolish, won't you? 🫣

See, I thought that scene with the LAATi flying overhead was going to be on Ord Mantell. Glad that the batch is still having a safe place to lie low. It might not last long, tho.

New plan number dropped!! (saves as reference for fic writing).

It breaks my heart how Omega worries about the mission just to give her brothers a happy life.

Last season was the senator of Raxus and Echo, now it's Ramor who forces Tech to reconsider their worldview and see beyond former political inclinations. I mean, I can't blame the clones for not knowing better. They were raised to see the world as in allies and enemies, not just people that could be suffering the same despite what path their leaders were on.

Omega, no! Don't do something stupid1 Ugh! She's going to!

Oh, kriff!! They caught up with Hunter and Wrecker.

Yes, Tech people had lives before the war, you know.

🤣 For a moment I thought Wrecker was going to say "Come to daddy" I would've died if he had 😅

Oh, my man is so smart!! Glad that they're showing it!!!!! Maybe the ones who say Wrecker is dumb will shut up now.

Tech!! Ouch! Walking is not good for you, rn. Ugg, I don't like this, Tech!! AAAAAAHHH!!!

Hurry up hunter!!!

Oh, no, Tech!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Poor Omega feeling guilty 😫😫

Tech is definitely having a bad, very not good day

Ah, there we go! Phew! Just in time.

Wrecker is so happy with his new weapon 😁😁

Awww 🥺🥺🥰 Very nice Echo comforting Omega

Oh, rampart 🤮 covering your own ass, huh?

Ha! The batch is more famous among clones now than during the war 😅 Not exactly the best thing tbh.

Oh, no! Wilco don't say that!! Because then…

Ugh! That happens 😫 it was nice meeting you 😭😭 UGH! I HATE you, Rampart!! I hope you suffer the slowest and most excruciating death ever!

And now, I'm worried about Crosshair 😣😣😖😖 because Rampart knows he lied, and my fear is that he'll force him to prove his loyalty to the Empire over and over in awful missions where Cross will need to do worse and worse things until either Crosshair finally turns coat or die. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

The wait for next episode is going to be long!! If my prediction is correct based on the title (and with that ending) I'm pretty sure next episode we will see Crosshair, and it'll be mostly about him.

.

Hey, guys! Now that you know what are my impressions of the season premiere, I want to remind you that I have a little survey going on to check your interest in a Bad Batch fandom event in 2023. If you like to participate, please check the link below and let me know what are your preferences.

SURVEY LINK

[inthegistoftime]

heyy, are requests open?if so, could I request a Kaz brekker and reader where shes naturally a really touchy and clingy person but unintentionally Kaz pushes her away as he doesnt like being touched? angst with happy ending..thanks I love your work!!💗

Yes, of course darling! And thank you! 😩🙏💕

Stressed out

Pairing; Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

tw; bit of Angst to Fluff? 👀 i once again didn't proof read

a/n; ngl I struggled a bit with this one bestie, so if it's trash I am SO sorry 😩. bro idk what I'm doing- I keep changing the title 🤡

It wasn't that you didn't understand the situation Kaz was in, nor that you didn't respect him, but Dirtyhands was the love of your life and you craved that intimacy that any other couple could do with ease. It wasn't that Kaz wasn't trying, because he was --and still is-- doing his utmost best for you and your relationship. He loves you with his whole being, he's just scared, he's so scared. Kaz knows you deserve better, someone who you're able to touch, but the Bastard Of The Barrel is a selfish man. There's so many things going on in his mind that sometimes he can't help but snap at you, he's arguing with himself constantly and being weighed down by his trauma whilst trying to reach out for affection and the need for you to be by his side. You know that, you know his mental health isn't in the right place, you've tired to help him, tried to calm him down whilst ignoring the urges to just hug him and risk everything, and you know that when he snaps he doesn't really mean it, but it all still stings. You just want him to be happy.

So here you were, skimming through the bookcase of the infamous Dirtyhands, looking for something --anything-- to do whilst the Bastard himself sat at his desk, going through papers and papers of lord knows what, you frowned, "Kaz? Can you read to me please?" You asked, putting some random book on the corner of his desk, "Soon, my Dove, be patient" He'd responded, and so you did, you waited and waited, and waited. You'd thought to yourself that if he wasn't gonna read to you then you might as well talk about something, "Kaz?" "Yes, y/n?" he asked back, still focused on the papers on his desk, you sighed, "Can we... try something? Physical?" His head whipped towards you at the question, you couldn't really read his expression, but you knew that he was somewhat surprised, "Nothing big though, baby steps, right?" You reassured, Kaz didn't respond, searching your eyes for something that even he didn't know of. He trusted you, he really did, and that's why after a small while he'd agreed.

You stood infront of him as he stayed seated in his desk chair, a gentle smile on your face as you slowly raised your hand towards his face, lightly caressing his face with the back of your pointer finger, skin smooth and warm, you could've melted on the spot, that was until Kaz slapped your hand away, "Stop." He'd muttered, he didn't know why he did it, usually he could handle this, just not today, "Oh Kaz, I'm so sorry, I-" You tried to apologise, retracting your hand from his face, "Go" He whispered, "Kaz-" " Get out." Ouch, you knew he was dealing with his demons, but that didn't mean he could take it out on you, "I was only trying to help you" "Then maybe you're the problem" Kaz hissed, you felt like you'd been slapped in the face, punched in the stomach and shot through the heart, you felt the sting of tears in your eyes, "Fine, since I'm such an inconvenience to you" You hissed back, making your way to the door, slamming it closed behind you and quickly making your way down the stairs, "Wait, y/n, wait-" Dirtyhands pleaded, trying his best to catch up to you, "y/n!", but you were already gone, shit.

You took a walk to clear your head, you knew damn well Kaz wasn't perfect, but damn, he didn't have to be such a dick about it. You tried to wipe the tears from your eyes before they got the chance to fall down your cheeks, you wouldn't let his trauma affect you like that, or, well, you'd like to think that. You didn't want to face him for at least another three hours or something, not to hurt him or make him feel guilty, but so that he could understand that this hurts you too. You put your hands in your pockets as you let out a sniffle, it was cold and the air was numbing your joints, you hated it, but you couldn't go back, no not yet, you wouldn't admit to yourself that what Dirtyhands said had hurt you more then you wanted it to and had made you question your self worth a few times during your little stroll, but as much as you loved staying in your little pity party you knew Kaz was worried about you, so with a sigh you headed back.

Turns out you were right, Kaz was beyond worried about you, so worried that he kept sending Jesper out to find you even though he's looked about six or seven times, "Boss, I'm sure she's-" "Jesper" He hissed at the younger man, "Go back out there and find her" Jesper huffed, tired, cold and 99.9% sure you could take care of yourself, "Fiiiine" He groaned before fixing his hat and making his way outside again. The Sharpshooter only had to take a few steps before he saw you walking his way, "Oi!" He shouted before jogging up to could, slightly catching you by suprise, "Boss is practically pissing himself worried 'bout you, where have you been? You okay?" Jesper put his hands on your arm, checking over you to make sure you weren't hurt or anything, "No, no, I'm fine Jes, I'll go deal with Kaz, you go and... do whatever it is you do" You replied, patting the boy on the back and walked away, leaving no room for him to respond to your comment.

"Kaz?" the Bastard Of The Barrel spun around as soon as he heard your voice, "y/n?" He asked as you both stepped closer to each other, "Listen I-" You started, looking anywhere but in his eyes, "I just wanted to say-" You were cut off as Kaz bought your hand up to his mouth with his gloved one, kissing each of your knuckles before murmuring against it, "I'm sorry", you let out a surprised breath at the sound of his apology because Kaz Brekker never apologises, ever. "I'm sorry too, I pushed you when I shouldn't of" "I'm just glad you're safe and not laying dead in a ditch somewhere" You let out a dry chuckle at his comment --even though he was dead serious about it-- he let go of your hand before looking you in your eyes, "I believe there was a book you wanted me to read?"

xxx

[minkdelovely]

I AM A WRECK! A JUMBLED PILE OF BONES THAT CAN ONLY DREAM OF BEING PUT BACK IN ORDER AGAIN.

HAZEL, MY GOD 😩♥️

There’s so much yearning and wholesome desire that I honestly don’t know what to do with other than greedily devour it to the best of my ability. But I fear I have become an overflowing cup, each new sentiment pushing me past the brink to join the puddle of my feelings on the table.

How you manage to make us care for with this man in new ways every chapter is something that should be studied, if I’m being honest. So know that at the very least that’s what I’m doing, even though my notes below don’t always convey how seriously I’m taking this 🥲♥️

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

His fingers would make little circles and pattern eights along your shoulder blade. Your gaze out and forward, his intently focused on the ceiling fan; then and there.

Occasionally he’d spell a word across your skin  to see if you were paying attention. Today: B R E A K F A S T ?

He didn’t want to interrupt the sounds of the radio on the dresser with the half hearted question.

GRIPPING MY CHEST ALREADY AND WE’VE BARELY GOTTEN STARTED

You both tended to enjoy the back porch, but he felt an urge for novelty.

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I BEG YOU TO STOP 🥲

“Can I take you to the water? We could fish. I’m in no rush today.” You were unsure, tilting your head a little. He had offered before but you admitted you didn’t know how. “You’ll have time to shower before work.” His index finger came over and waited for yours to hook into his.

THE FINGER HOOK WILL GET ME EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

As a child he often ran through the woods of his home and played pretend, and as he got older and his imagination shifted he would fish for his mother. When his friends began to date and pair off, he’d hunt animals in a parallel kind of chase. 

They took home gals, he dragged in rabbits.

I SAID… stop 🥲

But then her silhouette was gone. And the cricket’s song became one of loneliness. The walk to the house now a chore, a thing he had to do to get from Point A to Point B.

I have a lot of feelings about this and refuse to spoil anyone else’s experience with my crazy sad brain so sorry if any of these start to feel vague 🙈

Alastor wasn’t loquacious as it were, but when he did feel like talking he talked.

the whole paragraph is a joy, but THIS. As someone who would consider themselves to be long-winded and chatty, this just made my heart SWELL. I’d listen and talk to him for DAYS 🥺

“The fucker has spikes!” He said it like he was introducing a villain, “I grabbed one once and it flexed these spines and I dropped it. I broke a pole trying to beat one to death once because I was too scared to pick it up again.”

I’M CRYING. THIS IS JUST SO ADORABLE AND HUMAN OF HIM.

Easily they were worth more than three dollars a piece. He bought two of them… when? The thought brought a silly, crooked smile you couldn’t contain. 

S 👏🏻 T 👏🏻 O 👏🏻 P 👏🏻

Oh, right… Alastor had friends in a sense, but never had he really had someone he introduced you to that was remotely important. No one he lit up for, no one he invited over, no one he completely relaxed his put-on smile for. You had to wonder where they'd all gone.

GODDDDD

He shook his head, “He has a life now.”

I CAN HEAR HIS SOFT LONELY VOICE OH MY GOD 😩

He didn't look at you, which was the loudest indicator he wasn’t fond of the question. He cast out his own line, waiting to reply until he could settle, “Sweetheart, do you really think I’ve been living a life compatible with his? Or any of them?” He pulled back on the line a little to feel the tension, “Wives get uncomfortable inviting over single 40 somethings like myself. And I can only stomach so many surprise female dinner guests at such things.”

OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH I WANT TO HOLD HIM SO BADLY 🥺

Being a single man at his age, with a good job, a car, and land, made people uncomfortable. A lifelong chosen bachelor is fine, a rake is expected, but someone who seemed to be disinterested in dating and in fooling around? You could imagine the looks on their wive’s faces, asking questions that were thinly veiled insults.

GOD IT’S TOO REAL — IT HURTS HERE AND MY NEED TO CONSOLE IS THROUGH THE ROOF

Alastor cackled, doubling over at the memory. “I threw out my line and as it flew through the air, a gull passing by grabbed the worm. It fought me for a minute before managing to get loose.” He ended up squating, blue jeans rolled up at the ankles and covered in spurs you just now noticed. “It looked as confused as I was.”

how do I become more and more charmed by him?? It’s honestly ASTOUNDING. Also him in blue jeans?? Stabbing me would be kinder at this point 😩♥️

The morning was spent reveling in new and useless information about each other. Your fear of dogs, his fear of armadillos (someone told them they had the plague).

I FUCKING SAID STOP PLEASE 😭🥲🫠

“I’m fine”, just embarrassed, you assured him before picking up your shoe and throwing it, “I have to go home and change out these shoes.” Leftie smacked against the tree with a soft pop.

I ALSO would have thrown the shoe in this instance, my temper/shame would demand it

“Bring over a few pairs, if you have them. I’m sure a pair of mom’s could fit you, you can wear them home. We could toss these into the river. Shoot ‘em. Run em over.” He retrieved the thrown shoe before kneeling to remove the other one. He touched your ankle, eyes shooting up to monitor your face for any pained expressions. “Burn ‘em.”

he’s so silly and adorable and also he still has his mom’s shoes and I’ll never be normal again (if I ever was)

You warned he didn’t have to do that and he flashed you a look, his smirk alone called you a hypocrite and made you go silent. “You can’t perform with tattered feet or a rolled ankle.” He laced them tightly, “I know where the stickers and ant hills are, I’ll be fine.”

I’M WRITHINGGG I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS AAHHHHH

“Ah, apparently not. He left before I was born,” Alaster fidgeted with the straps of your shoes. “He hadn’t considered,” every word was measured, “the realities of,” you could see him searching for the words in real time; this was a conversation he had never had before, “of being with my mother before knocking her up.”

The ‘family planning’ conversation on the kitchen table fluttered back to you.

OHHHH MANNN I AM UNWELL. I NEED TO HOLD HIM FOR A YEAR AT LEAST AND NEVER LET GO 🥲

“He left her the house and the land before going. Kept his promise to help take care of me, in that sense. So, no. I think indifference is fair enough.” He grabbed your fish by the tail and placed it into the bucket. “Kinda funny though, had he stuck around he’d have seen how the only thing I got from him was his biggest worry: my complexion!” A joyless laugh, “But I’m just like her in all the ways that matter.”

OUR BABYYY. This is such a refreshing take on his feelings towards the father we all don’t know.

You wondered about ‘family planning’. In their age it was nothing short of guessing and lamb innards. It was impossible to pretend you knew what his father would have lived through had he stayed. But you knew very well what Alastor lived through because he left. New Orleans was different than many other parts of the country when it came to mixed children, but the attitude was less acceptance and more a baseline tolerance for their existence.

HAZEL YOU JUST NEVER FAIL TO REALLY HIT THESE POINTS HOME 😭✨

He led you until the clearing, he knew the land was flat there, and slowed down to let you walk a little bit ahead. The view of the house was much more inviting with you in it.

WEEPING AGAIN

As promised, a shower. Originally alone, Alastor sitting on the toilet seat talking to you about dinner. Then he got quiet. He startled you a little when he peeked behind the curtain but everything settled when he got inside and his hands wrapped around your waist. Kisses for kiss’s sake. Skin on skin just to feel closer than you were before. A hum buzzing his chest as you hugged him tightly and wasted some water. Well, ‘wasted’ is subjective. The warmth radiating off his stomach rivaled the shower’s spray. You knew there wasn’t time for a nap, but the comfort was so deeply rooted you worried you’d fall asleep in his arms then and there. 

THIS WHOLE THING IS A PROVERBIAL BASEBALL BAT TO MY HEART

“Throwing them away seemed a waste. Glad they could be of use.” He said it so casually but it was more than that. When she died he packed away her items and forgot about them. He couldn’t throw them away. It still felt like her house, after all. Who was he to change anything?

OH ALASTOR 🥺 HE’S DOING HIS BEST TO BE SO STRONG HERE

You quickly buried the sincere sweetness of the moment with a joke, “Finally this long con is paying off!” What else could you do, threading the strap of your beau’s dead, dearly loved mother’s heels? It was like being on cloud nine with lead shoes. Confusingly wonderful and supremely daunting. You were literally walking in her shoes. The irony made you squeeze your arms to your sides to make sure your sweat pads were in their place.

EXQUISITE AND SO IMPACTFUL JESUS CHRIST HAZEL 😩

He knew it was a joke, but had it been true he’d build a home on his land and fill it with shoes and dresses and whatever else you asked for. A stage all your own if you wanted. He’d clap and throw flowers at your feet nightly. If you’d let him. 

Maybe he could do that anyway. Every night, praise you with his mouth in all the ways he could imagine you’d enjoy. 

AND WE’RE RIGHT BACK TO WRITHING — OH MY LORD

He knew exactly what he wanted it to be and knew very well what you didn’t want. So, letting sleeping dogs lie, he instead considered what you were actually getting out of the arrangement as it stood now. 

MY HEART IS ACTUALLY IN MY THROAT AND IT ACHES

You’d made it clear your thoughts on marriage (“I won’t be bought by jewelry and promises of a pretty cage.”)  though he did consider what could ever make you want that legal lock.

I literally put my hand over my eyes and put my phone down for a second (not hyperbole, this really happened) — I can’t fucking handle this oh my god…

And if he was aware of their preferences, they could still enjoy their love lives as they always had tried to before marriage. Alastor had considered such an offer before. Seriously considered it. It seemed to solve all of the problems he and his lady friend had. 

UGHHH THE HEARTACHE JUST CONTINUES TO GROW

His hands twisted around the steering wheel. He knew, deep in the marrow of his bones, he was always going to be alone. But the tiniest speck of desire to have someone love him and share his life remained buried in the viscera of his reality. So he turned down the sham marriage. What if he met someone inconceivable? Suddenly he would be an adulterer. Which was just hilarious to him. Such a thing could lead to a loss of employment and social shunning.

Plus, his mother would shake her head if he opened her very deserved home to someone purely existing to make a pleasant lie for the world. Disappointment could leak straight from her grave and into the floorboards.

YOU’VE OFFICIALLY RE-DECLARED WAR ON ME. I THOUGHT WITH THE MARRIAGE WE HAD MOVED PAST IT, BUT THIS IS WAR???

His mind conjured images of you sitting pretty in your trousers in Beth’s. Moments like those, before he knew you, you had all of the things you wanted and seemingly needed. It made you upsettingly attractive to him. 

FUUUUCKKK I’M SO CLOSE TO TAPPING OUT BUT I REFUSE

As the car rolled over the bridge and you both made your way into the city proper, his thoughts wandered back to the notion of rings. His mother never had one, so he had nothing to hand down. Would you wear gold, like the necklace you hung on the mirror in the guest room? Or silver?

MY SOUL IS DESPERATE TO LEAVE MY BODYYY

“Excuse you, you’re not welcome here.”

oh fuck, the jaws theme is playing again… and I think I know who for

Brady’s hand gripped your shoulder and pulled you around, something slipping around your wrists as a uniformed cop came around the corner of the atrium. You struggled to get away from him, shouting general protests to being suddenly manhandled. Your voice erupted, the first cannon shot of the war as women and men began to swarm and berate the detective.

KENNETH!! WE MEET AGAIN

“Prostitution.”

WILLIAM!! I FUCKING KNEW IT!! I KNEW HE HAD BAD VIBES

A beat of silence as the room collectively gasped. Ruth was the first one to truly lay her hands on him, snatching his hat off and smacking him across the head.

🗣️ RUTH: DISRESPECT THIS MAN!

“Hush. You confessed to it already, no point crying now.” The cop’s voice was harsh, his disgust barely hidden. His palms were calloused and scratched at the exposed skin of your arms.

HIS MASK IS SLIPPING BIG TIME

You didn’t feel yourself begin to cry, it was a reaction to the fact you hadn’t blinked since you became aware Brady didn’t seem too interested in your reaction to this.

This wasn’t an arrest. It was a trap.

MOTHER. FUCKING. KENNETH. AND THAT LITTLE BITCH BILLY. I SWEAR TO GODDD 😩

A Doe in Fall (part 11)

⟢HumanAlastor x FemaleBurlesquerReader - A Doe in Fall

A burlesquer with a penchant for conning men, you find your latest game interrupted when your next mark saves you from an aggressive fan— by killing him. The chance encounter left you curious, still half convinced you could complete your normal chase. Unbeknownst to you, you were the one being tracked.

Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦 Part 7 - Recognition smut💦 Part 8 - Trust sexual 🥵 Part 9 - Shiny Things Part 10 - Good Deeds Part 11 - Caught 📍 (this bitch is getting long)

Horny? Not this story yet but….Don’t worry, just wait a couple days… 👀 💦

Part 11 Caught

Taking time to cast out the line and wait for the big one to take the bait.

「Warnings/Promises: Human Alastor x Fem!Reader, jaws theme plays, fishing, sweet as fuck, and then not sweet, prostitution yelled into a crowd, rough hands, I won’t say the word ‘paddy wagon’ because the history seems to be targeted at the Irish in America so it’s called a wagon here」

Minors if you violate the MDNI I will toss you back into the river lie the pinfish you are 💥 🎣

Peaceful. Your head on his chest. Even breathes, strong heart. Corporeal. Real. There with you. A ritual to whoever brought you into his embrace, every morning you lied against him and you stared out the window. Past the greenhouse, where the woods were allowed to run wild and you knew the animals therein were safe to exist as they were meant to. Everything and everyone in their element.

His fingers would make little circles and pattern eights along your shoulder blade. Your gaze out and forward, his intently focused on the ceiling fan; then and there.

Occasionally he’d spell a word across your skin  to see if you were paying attention. Today: B R E A K F A S T ?

He didn’t want to interrupt the sounds of the radio on the dresser with the half hearted question.

He carried your plate out onto the front porch, the swinging bench as much a perfectly suitable place to eat as anywhere else. You both tended to enjoy the back porch, but he felt an urge for novelty.

As you nibbled, he stared at the car. He didn’t really want to leave, but he wanted to go somewhere with you.

“Can I take you to the water? We could fish. I’m in no rush today.” You were unsure, tilting your head a little when he asked. He had offered before but you admitted you didn’t know how. “You’ll have time to shower before work.” His index finger came over and waited for yours to hook into his.

Alastor was beyond smitten watching you and your trousers bound down his steps. Hand in hand, in the early morning breeze of the impending fall, he led you through his property to the water’s edge.

A small cup of earthworms he scrounged up while you changed, two poles from the shed, and a bucket he hoped would have fish soon enough.

As a child he often ran through the woods of his home and played pretend, and as he got older and his imagination shifted he would fish for his mother. When his friends began to date and pair off, he’d hunt animals in a parallel kind of chase. 

They took home gals, he dragged in rabbits.

And when his mother died, and the food he brought home was more than he needed, he stopped venturing past the clearing. That trek home to a bright house, his mother waiting on the back porch surrounded by the chirps of crickets was something he cherished.

But then her silhouette was gone. And the cricket’s song became one of loneliness. The walk to the house now a chore, a thing he had to do to get from Point A to Point B.

Pulling you by the hand past the field and its tall grass, into the shade of the trees where the air was so cool it bordered on wet, he wasn’t so worried about the return trip. No tedium in the navigation now.  

Alastor wasn’t loquacious as it were, but when he did feel like talking he talked. He could, and did, name every species of fish that lived in the river. The ones he liked to eat, the ones he liked to look at, and the fish he didn’t care for much at all. His mother’s favorite was bluegill, and he said it was the scariest fish when he was young.

“The fucker has spikes!” He said it like he was introducing a villain, “I grabbed one once and it flexed these spines and I dropped it. I broke a pole trying to beat one to death once because I was too scared to pick it up again.”

You’d never fished. Not because you didn’t care for it, it just wasn’t what you did. Your mother didn’t take you to rivers or the sea. You stayed in buildings and parks near people. You could see the water, just never really interacted with it. Luckily, Alastor was ecstatic to teach you. 

He saddled up behind you and explained how to cast out. It took a few tries to get it right, the release of the line a little tricky to get down at first. You could see the shine of the reels and could tell they were expensive and unused. Easily they were worth more than three dollars a piece. He bought two of them… when? The thought brought a silly, crooked smile you couldn’t contain. 

“A friend accidentally hooked his own back once.” You watched the way his gaze seemed to soften as he was looking into the distant past.

“I hope he’s gotten better at it.”

Alastor shrugged. 

Oh, right… Alastor had friends in a sense, but never had he really introduced you to someone that was remotely important. No one he lit up for, no one he invited over, no one he completely relaxed his put-on smile for. You had to wonder where they'd all gone.

“Do you ever see him?”

He shook his head, “He has a life now.”

Your chuckle wasn’t meant to be cruel, but it came off a little too incredulous, “Do you not have a life?”

He didn't look at you, which was the loudest indicator he wasn’t fond of the question. He cast out his own line, waiting to reply until he could settle, “Sweetheart, do you really think I’ve been living a life compatible with his? Or any of them?” He pulled back on the line a little to feel the tension, “Wives get uncomfortable inviting over single 40 somethings like myself. And I can only stomach so many surprise female dinner guests at such things.”

You felt like an ass. 

Being a single man at his age, with a good job, a car, and land, made people uncomfortable. A lifelong chosen bachelor is fine, a rake is expected, but someone who seemed to be disinterested in dating and in fooling around? You could imagine the looks on their wive’s faces, asking questions that were thinly veiled insults.

What do you do for fun?

Is it difficult to find respectable dates when you work in jazz?

So, you’ve never been married, is that right? Not even close?

A mood change. You waited a moment to let silence kill the topic and asked, “What is the catch you’re most proud of?”

He thought for a second before a lopsided grin spread and you felt your heartbeat relax. “A gull.”

“A gull?!”

Alastor cackled, doubling over at the memory. “I threw out my line and as it flew through the air, a gull passing by grabbed the worm. It fought me for a minute before managing to get loose.” He ended up squating, blue jeans rolled up at the ankles and covered in spurs you just now noticed. “It looked as confused as I was.”

The morning was spent reveling in new and useless information about each other. Your fear of dogs, his fear of armadillos (someone told them they had the plague). The time you accidentally walked into a stranger’s home, the time he startled an old woman because he was standing too still in a store and she thought he was a mannequin.

Moments of intimacy intermittently interrupted by a tugging of the fishing line and excited easing in of the prize.

The fuckers did have spikes. You reached out for your first successful catch and the barbs pricked you. With a hurried step back, your short heel sank into the dirt and you lost your balance. Your ass hit the ground hard, and you needed a breath before you could reply to Alastor’s worried questions.

“I’m fine”, just embarrassed, you assured him before picking up your shoe and throwing it, “I have to go home and change out these shoes.” Leftie smacked against the tree with a soft pop.

“Bring over a few pairs, if you have them. I’m sure a pair of mom’s could fit you, you can wear them home. We could toss these into the river. Shoot ‘em. Run em over.” He retrieved the thrown shoe before kneeling to remove the other one. He touched your ankle, eyes shooting up to monitor your face for any pained expressions. “Burn ‘em.”

“First my stockings last week and now my shoes? You’ve gone fire-happy.” You wiggled your toes for his peace of mind, “It’s okay, I don’t have many shoes. We’ll reconcile someday.”

Alastor sat down properly on the grass and dirt of the river’s edge and took off his shoes and socks. You thought maybe he was trying to commiserate somehow, until he shoved the socks into the toe box and slipped one onto your foot. 

You warned he didn’t have to do that and he flashed you a look, his smirk alone called you a hypocrite and made you go silent. “You can’t perform with tattered feet or a rolled ankle.” He laced them tightly, “I know where the stickers and ant hills are, I’ll be fine.”

Your eyes wandered over the bucket of water and fish, the worms in their cup, and his bare feet on the grass.

“Who taught you to be such a well rounded gentleman?” A rhetorical question, mostly. 

“My mother, of course.”

“Your father didn’t worry you’d be too soft?”

“Ah, apparently not. He left before I was born,” Alaster fidgeted with the straps of your shoes. “He hadn’t considered,” every word was measured, “the realities of,” you could see him searching for the words in real time; this was a conversation he had never had before, “of being with my mother before knocking her up.”

The ‘family planning’ conversation on the kitchen table fluttered back to you.

“Oh, can I have permission to hate him?” Always the easiest emotion.

He clicked his tongue, hands busy looping your shoes together by their straps and then attaching them to his belt loop.

“He left her the house and the land before going. Kept his promise to help take care of me, in that sense. So, no. I think indifference is fair enough.” He grabbed your fish by the tail and placed it into the bucket. “Kinda funny though, had he stuck around he’d have seen how the only thing I got from him was his biggest worry: my complexion!” A joyless laugh, “But I’m just like her in all the ways that matter.”

It came out before you could think it through, “He didn’t love your mother?”

He winced. “Cowards can love just fine, I think. Maybe they love the hardest actually.” You nodded, knowing this wasn’t a philosophical debate where your opinion was needed. “I mean, what kind of man just gives away his only assets?” Alastor leaned over to fix the collar of your blouse, “A scared idiot in love, of course.”

You wondered about ‘family planning’. In their age it was nothing short of guessing and lamb innards. It was impossible to pretend you knew what his father would have lived through had he stayed. But you knew very well what Alastor lived through because he left. New Orleans was different than many other parts of the country when it came to mixed children, but the attitude was less acceptance and more a baseline tolerance for their existence.

The conversation, and shoe change, brought a natural end to the morning. Alastor helped you up, taking the opportunity to brush off your backside. 

He led you until the clearing, he knew the land was flat there, and slowed down to let you walk a little bit ahead. The view of the house was much more inviting with you in it.

As promised, a shower. Originally alone, Alastor sitting on the toilet seat talking to you about dinner. Then he got quiet. He startled you a little when he peeked behind the curtain but everything settled when he got inside and his hands wrapped around your waist. Kisses for kiss’s sake. Skin on skin just to feel closer than you were before. A hum buzzing his chest as you hugged him tightly and wasted some water. Well, ‘wasted’ is subjective. The warmth radiating off his stomach rivaled the shower’s spray. You knew there wasn’t time for a nap, but the comfort was so deeply rooted you worried you’d fall asleep in his arms then and there. 

His mothers shoes did fit, a pair of her black double straps with a nice wide heel replaced your T-straps and their damned thin one. The offer and action of presenting them to you was bigger than could be acknowledged. It was clear in how he wiped them clean with drilled in focus and set them in front of the bed for you like the main course of a fancy meal. The way they’d been kept packaged and neat in the guest closet. 

“Throwing them away seemed a waste. Glad they could be of use.” He said it so casually but it was more than that. When she died he packed away her items and forgot about them. He couldn’t throw them away. It still felt like her house, after all. Who was he to change anything?

It was a little surprise to himself when he offered them to you. It seemed natural at the moment but as he said it his calm heart backtracked. Was that okay to do? Was it disrespectful to his mother? Was it rude to offer you a dead woman’s things? Would you be uncomfortable?

The little strings of worry all cut loose though when you did the straps and said, “I’ll return them in perfect condition.”

He had thought you’d take them forever. But no, that was better. “I’ll buy you your own just like them.”

You quickly buried the sincere sweetness of the moment with a joke, “Finally this long con is paying off!” What else could you do, threading the strap of your beau’s dead, dearly loved mother’s heels? It was like being on cloud nine with lead shoes. Confusingly wonderful and supremely daunting. You were literally walking in her shoes. The irony made you squeeze your arms to your sides to make sure your sweat pads were in their place.

Alastor thought if all you were getting out of this was a pair of shoes, you were definitely coming up in the red. 

Negative. 

Losing out. 

He knew it was a joke,  but had it been true he’d build a home on his land and fill it with shoes and dresses and whatever else you asked for. A stage all your own if you wanted. He’d clap and throw flowers at your feet nightly. If you’d let him. 

Maybe he could do that anyway. Every night, praise you with his mouth in all the ways he could imagine you’d enjoy. 

The analogy carried through as he drove you to work. What was the price of admission and had he managed to afford it yet? Again, he fretted over what he was giving you in all of… whatever exactly this was.

He knew exactly what he wanted it to be and knew very well what you didn’t want. So, letting sleeping dogs lie, he instead considered what you were actually getting out of the arrangement as it stood now. 

He’d met women who just wanted a home to pretty up. You had your own space you seemed keen on so he doubted that was it. Sometimes women pursued him for his obvious disposable income. Images of you swiping the hundred off the hotel bar played across his thoughts. No, you seemed capable enough to earn more than your job paid. If anything you seemed to enjoy chasing down marks.

You’d made it clear your thoughts on marriage (“I won’t be bought by jewelry and promises of a pretty cage.”)  though he did consider what could ever make you want that legal lock. He’d had friends who would have liked the safety a husband lended their image. Women who didn’t have any need or want for men in general. But things like banking and ownership were easier with a husband. And if he was aware of their preferences, they could still enjoy their love lives as they always had tried to before marriage. Alastor had considered such an offer before. Seriously considered it. It seemed to solve all of the problems he and his lady friend had. 

His hands twisted around the steering wheel. He knew, deep in the marrow of his bones, he was always going to be alone. But the tiniest speck of desire to have someone love him and share his life remained buried in the viscera of his reality. So he turned down the sham marriage. What if he met someone inconceivable? Suddenly he would be an adulterer. Which was just hilarious to him. Such a thing could lead to a loss of employment and social shunning. 

Plus, his mother would shake her head if he opened her very deserved home to someone purely existing to make a pleasant lie for the world. Disappointment could leak straight from her grave and into the floorboards.

Everyone wants something, though. He wanted to be seen in his entirety and accepted as he was.

You?

Well. All the things you seemed to want you had. Autonomy. Adoration. Attention. 

His mind conjured images of you sitting pretty in your trousers in Beth’s. Moments like those, before he knew you, you had all of the things you wanted and seemingly needed. It made you upsettingly attractive to him. 

Alastor didn’t want to be needed by someone, he wanted to be wanted by someone who already had everything.

As the car rolled over the bridge and you both made your way into the city proper, his thoughts wandered back to the notion of rings. His mother never had one, so he had nothing to hand down. Would you wear gold, like the necklace you hung on the mirror in the guest room? Or silver?

He suppressed an embarrassed chuckle, he was getting ahead of himself again. Daydreaming while he drove like he always did. But this time you were in the car with him. 

You caught him blushing, asking if he got too much sun by the water earlier. Alastor’s eyes went wide and he laughed a forced ‘ha ha ha!’, punctuated by a flat and low “No!”

All you could do was laugh in return when he didn’t elaborate. The way he was gripping the steering wheel made his knuckles go pale through the thin skin of his hands.  But the wonky smile he had told you he wasn’t angry. 

He gave you a peck outside the theater’s side door, promised to swing by yours after work so you could grab some shoes, and drove off. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Excuse you, you’re not welcome here.”

You heard it but didn’t really register what that implied. Sometimes people tried to sneak in who’d been banned, but it was…not common. The list of people was quite short. You didn’t stop to think of them all, regardless.

You made a habit of calling Ruth by her stage name as early in the work day as you could remember, to avoid any slip ups. So when you called out to her as you worked the room after your performance, she knew to answer.

“Skye, could you bring me some water?” Leaning on the bar you watched her make her own drink, flashing you a wink. She always got tipsy and ended up behind the bar when she was in a good mood. Which was most nights. The staff didn’t mind, the real money to be made was in liquor and whatever could be passed off as beer. So the extra pair of hands was appreciated.

“You’ve been especially happy lately. Good sex?” The glass was slid to you. All you could do was nod. You’d hadn’t actually had sex in awhile, but that wasn’t anyone’s business.

Your smile barely had a chance to slip off your face, your senses too quick for your body to keep up. The awareness that something was wrong hit you fast and hard, but only milliseconds before you felt someone grab you.

Brady’s hand gripped your shoulder and pulled you backwards, something slipping around your wrists as a uniformed cop came around the corner of the atrium. You struggled to get away from him, shouting general protests to being suddenly manhandled. Your voice erupted, the first cannon shot of the war as women and men began to swarm and berate the detective.

Barely a shocked laugh could be choked out from your tightening throat. 

“You’re under arrest!” He yelled it, looking at you for just a moment before announcing it to the audience. An actor to his crowd.

“For what?!” Johnny pushed Brady with two fingers to the chest. 

“Prostitution.”

A beat of silence as the room collectively gasped. Ruth was the first one to truly lay her hands on him, snatching his hat off and smacking him across the head. The other dancers moved like a school of fish, tucking Ruth into the safety of their numbers with a simultaneous jostling of the detective.

The cop leading you away stopped, “Just her? I thought-,”

Detective Brady dusted his hat off with the back of his hand and shooed the man away. “Just her.”

Before you had reached the glass doors of the theater, you tensed and pulled back. “What the fuck are you doing, Mr. Brady?”

But Brady wasn’t looking at you. He was scanning the room. Staring into the small but fierce roiling mass of regulars, dancers, and staff filling up the doorway in front him and flooding the atrium. 

Johnny sized up Brady, getting nose to nose with him, “Show your face here again and we’ll need an ambulance, not a wagon!”

Brady leaned into the confrontation, “Now sir I’d be careful. That almost sounds like a threat.”

“Sure as shit is!” Someone hissed. 

“Hey! Brady!” You tried again in vain to get his attention.

“Hush. You confessed to it already, no point crying now.” The cop’s voice was harsh, his disgust barely hidden. His palms were calloused and scratched at the exposed skin of your arms.

“Someone! Someone call-,” Ruth snapped her fingers as the syllables teetered on the tip of her tongue.

Goosebumps rose across your shoulders like little tombstones. Your autonomic nervous system came to a crawl. The grip on your arm tightened as you had to be wretched forward and out of the front doors.

Her eyes lit up, “Alastor! Does anyone have Alastor’s work number?!” Ruth was met with confused faces and shrugs from the others.

You didn’t feel yourself begin to cry, it was a reaction to the fact you hadn’t blinked since you became aware Brady didn’t seem too interested in your reaction to this.

This wasn’t an arrest. It was a trap.

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ⋆Masterlist.ೃ࿔*:･

˖ ݁𖥔.Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult.𖥔 ݁ ˖

@eris-norwega @reath-solia @catticora , @angelicribbons , @xalygatorx

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @moonmark98

, @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog ,

@thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies

@howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @fizzled-phoenix , @star-kujo-platinum

, @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 @watereddownmilk , @bontensbabygirl @smoky000

@hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain

@harley2223-blog , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby

@dontfuckbutimfab @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12

[strangerthings1975]

Here I am back again with another song that is rotting my brain over MPG 🤪

To set the scene, I’m listening to this and imagining it playing in the background as Steve is laying ~unconscious~ on the ground. Cut the scene to Eddie standing in the bar, with a gut wrenching feeling that something isn’t right as he makes his way to the door leading outside. Eddie begins to panic as he sprints to Steve on the ground, and his mind is racing along with his body.

Eddie panicking because there’s that hope that Steve might have wanted to actually DO THIS with him. Might have given him a second chance. Fear and thoughts of what could have been being pushed down as he tries to focus on waking up his love. Steve can’t die, not now. Not when they were on the cusp of everything he hoped they both wanted.

But now he’s beaten, and he’s so afraid. He’s afraid more than anything that Steve’s going to die as they make their way to the hospital, hands clasped together while Eddie whispers sweet nothings and promises into Steve’s ear.

And I knowwwww, you’ve promised up a happy ending, but it hasn’t happened yet so let me sulk in the pain just a wee bit longer before my heart is filled with love and light 😆

You write pain so beautifully, and as much as I love conflict resolution, I’m a sucker for finding comfort in the discomfort you’ve sewed into my heart so far.

Hi bestie 🥺🥺🥺🖤🖤🖤🖤

First of all, ouch.

Second of all, so much of what you said is accurate and canon to what I’m writing 🥺🖤 once again I’m dying to get the Eddie POV out there because writing him in that scene was so satisfying (and depressing.) There are a few differences 😈 but I’m excited to share the rest with you, and to hear your thoughts on how it all goes down.

Third of all, I’m with you in enjoying this sad period lmao. Like, I want the happy ending, but making them suffer and work through the pain (we don’t get to see Eddie’s on screen yet, but we KNOW he’s in pain too 🥺😩) is enjoyable. Knowing it’s all going to be resolved makes it worth the torture haha.

🖤🖤🖤🖤

[thatpunkmaximoff]

[Book 1 of 4]

Story: 5 out of 5 Smut: 4 out of 5

I knew this book was going to be good when Alex admitted being into BDSM lmao.

But for real, the only thing I expected when picking up this book was some relationship drama. I got that, plus some family drama that left my jaw hanging open (looking at you, Mr. Chen). I had an inkling about Alex's family drama, and I hated being proven right. It sucked and I'm glad everyone in the wrong got what they deserved.

As for the main couple, wow. My heart was absolutely broken. I loved seeing them get together, but when reality set in and some things were said.. I cried. Poor Ava.

They do get their happily ever after, but I have a feeling the drama is nowhere near over. On to book 2!

Now enjoy my ramblings..

* Jesus. Her shirt was see through and Alex didn’t even tell her until she had to get off somewhere.

* “You’re not my type, even if you weren’t Josh’s sister.” — Ouch.

* Well.. Alex is into BDSM 😏

* So Josh is entrusting his sister’s well-being to Alex because he knows his friend will never fuck her? This is going to go swimmingly, isn’t it? 😂

* She compared him to Voldemort. Oh no lmao.

* Woo. Alex is pissed! He did not like finding Ava in a black skimpy lace getup with another dude in the room 😏

* Damn. He really threatened her friend like that, huh. Harsh.

* Operation Emotion is not going to end well 😬

* “Don’t play with me unless you want to get hurt.” — SIR! You cannot say that after we all know what you’re into behind closed doors.

* Lmfao 🤣 Ava’s mind being in the gutter when Alex had her innocently straddling one of this thighs..

* Shared bed trope.. 😏 Alex finding out Ava has night terrors.. 🥺

* Nooooo lmfao. She woke up with her hand on his dick. I can’t 🤣🤣🤣

* This fucking parrot lol

* Alex beating the shit out of Liam.. yes 🙌🏻

* Wtf.. her mom pushed her into the lake as a kid?

* And now I’m crying as she unloads her past to Alex and how she feels about it all 😭

* Madeline, you jealous twat!

* Oh shit. They kissed. And he rejected her. Harshly. Fuckkkk.

* Wow. A celibate Alex is a dick 😂 At least he’s happy now after seeing Ava and scaring the shit out of her boss.

* The swimming lesson turned naughty. I knew this was going to happen 😏

* Jesus Christ. That sex marathon.. 🥵

* I’m a fan of his possessiveness and him railing her while taking an important call 😂

* Jesus. In the student health center? Alex is a horndog lmao.

* Wait.. wtf? Her dad!? Her dad was the one who tried to kill her!!!

* This dude is a fucking asshole!

* Josh is back! And he decked his father in the face 😂 Now to get on to him finding out his best friend is banging his sister 👀

* Why do I get the feeling her telling him she loves him is going to cause a strain? 🥺

* Why don’t I trust Alex’s uncle? He knows Ava’s name. He knows she’s distracting Alex. Is he going to do something?

* Wtf did his uncle do?! Did he have something to do with the murder of his family?! Fuck this dude.

* Late to dinner and jealous. And lying about the phone. Smh, Alex. I was rooting for you.

* Oh fuck. He was only in with the Chen’s because he was plotting their downfall? Noooooo. Ava is gonna be so heartbroken.

* And I called it! I knew the uncle was sketchy as shit. Fuck that dude.

* He had the girls kidnapped?! What a fucking asshole. But wait, isn’t Bridget the princess? Where the fuck is her bodyguard?

* Fuckkkkk. And now my heart is broken for Ava. Everything Alex had to say.. ugh 😩

* ..and now I’m crying. I hate it here.

* Two months later.. I never trust these time skips anymore.

* God I love Bridget lol

* “Your enemies are my enemies, your friends are my friends, and if you wanted, I would burn down the world for you.” - Aww. He’s an adorable psycho 🥰

* So you tell me he resigned as CEO and then hit me with that “one year later” bs. Fuck.

* He sang! Oh my god 😩

* They’re together! Fucking finally.

* Blackmail on a future Queen? For fuck’s sake, Alex 😂

* I’ll never look at an apple orchard the same way ever again 👀

[here2bbtstrash]

my dear lovely amazing talented sweet em🫡 i'm used to sending you my long ass feedbacks privately BUT this time i'll send it on here since i have many pics i wanna insert and i'm so stupid idk how to do that in chat🤘🏼 LET'S START

before saying anything THIS IS A FEEDBACK PEOPLE THERE WILL BE SPOILERS (OBVIOUSLY :) )

the introduction??? I MEAN IT SEEMED TOO REAL😩 that's the hottest wet dream i've ever read like?? and the way she realised she's in deep shit after waking up DAMN😭 i really hope deep down that yoongi heard her moans🤭

it was soooo sweet when he calmed her down and was like: that's fine🫶🏼🫶🏼 when they talked with that racist mf. also i absolutely love that cliche where there's only one bed like damn😩 AND HE CHOSE TO SLEEP ON THAT BRICK FOR HER?? HE THOUGHT SHE WOULD MIND?? OUCH💔💔

i LOVED the new characters🍻 wait- i fucking forgot her name BUT I LOVE HER🤘🏼 loved how she gave mc some advice 🫂 she's super sweet AND funny (reminds me of someone🤭)

when mc asked yoongi to sleep on the couch. THERE'S NO NEED FOR EXPLANATION BUT MY HEART DIED.

i was so happy cause i knew something would definitely happen on that bed. I MEAN TWO HOT PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER OBVIOUSLY THEY WOULD FUCK🫶🏼🫡

here i knew why you said she's stupid 😭 LIKE GIRL OPEN THAT MIND OF YOURS PLEASE WE'RE DYING HERE

"You make me so fucking hard. Dreamt dreamt about fucking you in this bed." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? MIN YOONGI CALM YOUR TITS WE'RE TRYING TO LIVE HERE😩😩😩😩😩

so fucking hot and respectful �� y'know idk when that happened but when you kept mentioning everything with "fictional" or "fiction" the other day THERE WAS NO NEED CAUSE THERE'S NO REAL MAN LIKE THE MIN YOONGI🤏🏼😊 i mean that "Can I go raw again?" made me come (kidding) 😜

who. is. ruining. who. WHAT???? I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO BREATHE AGAIN🥲 em i love you but please have mercy on us🫶🏼

yeah i discovered i have a voice kink after this part🫱🏽‍🫲🏼 i remembered that one yoongi live IYKYK with that orange hair damn😩💥

this scene actually killed me multiple times in a RAW see what i did there?😜 ahhhhh sooo goooddddd

ummmmm so he didnt win a grammy😭 i mean i love being right😜 idk why but i kind of loved the idea of him not winning😭 WE GOT CUTE SCENES PEOPLE!!!

ok, the disappointment he felt was truly heartbreaking for all of us👀 and if you ask me him not winning makes sense actually 🥲 but then they got wayyyy too drunk and y/n could witness agustd's tongue technology 😩 they sang and danced with each other💔🫂

damn em. THIS HIT HARD

the thing i absolutely adore in your writing is that in can be so relatable? it's sad but it's true🤍 for some reason it's comforting to me, your writing comforts me💜💜 i've noticed that in many of your books especially TSOYB (i'm so proud of you btw) AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT 💜💜💜💜

SMOOTH LIKE BUTTER. BUTTER COULD NEVER. wait did that just rhyme??

i can't insert more photos unfortunately but the last photo is of his confession😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT MAKES SENSE NOW. IT ALL MAKES SENSE. they way he talked about jungkook and when he told her to date him was not him mocking or making fun of jungkook he was in love😭😭 i did NOT see that coming 🥹🥹 the fact that he was the one who confessed first has me screaming, crying, throwing up AND CURLING MY TOESSSSSS AHHHHWIDISBXISHSUXH

AND PLEASE WHEN HE SAID "STUPID" ?? BABY WE'RE ALL STUPID FOR YOU YOU DUMB SHIT

we got the best wet dream, soft yoongi, SQUIRT GOD MIN YOONGI, new lovely characters, one of the best smuts AND A FUCKING CONFESSION.

don't get me started on when she started to cry and when he thought he fucked things up cause i almost cried so hard🫶🏼💜💜💜

WHAT A MASTERPIECE 💜💜💜💜💜

thank you so much babyyyy for this!!! it's so well written and i can see you're improving so fast!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 i absolutely adore you and your writingssssss MWAHHHH

hi sarahhhhh 🥺 thank you for taking the time to send such long and lovely feedback ahhhhh! it always means so much to hear what parts stick out to someone and why 💜

GAH the stupid black text on the screenshots 😩 tumblr why did u paint my whole fic black for no reason..... why is this website broken lmao. i fixed it now but i'm still mad about it hahdskjfdfg ANYWAY

LOLLLLLL airplane sex dream we had to do it 🤪 hopefully she wasn't loud enough for anyone else in first class to hear 🙈 but also if yoongi had heard maybe he would've realized she was down to share the bed 🤣 but he did instead take the brick!!!! it's funny for someone who has been labeled an asshole for the entire series, yoongi actually cares quite a lot about consent at basically every point of the story, and is always like.... overly cautious abt not overstepping boundaries 🤭 wonder when reader will catch on 👀

tiffanyyyyyy my girl 🥰 and not you comparing me to her GET OUTTA HERE that's too nice 🥺 sometimes the most honest/sweetest conversations happen with a girl you just met in the bathroom lmfao, it's like the rules of feminism! we look out for each other 😘

OPEN THAT MIND OF YOURS WE'RE DYING LMAOOOOOO..... i'm dead 💀 she really can be so dense sometimes like HELLO.... 2+2=4 MA'AM..... LET'S GET IT TOGETHER.....

eeeeee i'm glad you enjoyed the smut 🥵 i love writing these two together especially now that it's started to get softer (but just as dirty 😩 need me a min yoongi like this lmao)

ohhh thank you for calling out that yoongi line bc it's one of my favorite bits 🥺 him actually being nice for once instead of laughing at her for not figuring jk's crush out sooner..... bc he does get it (AND TALK ABOUT WANTING TO AVOID AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH HELLO..... THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE LMAO) and i'm so honored that you find my writing relatable and comforting!!!! that really means the world wow 🙇‍♀️💜

THE CONFESSION 😩 AND YES YOU GET IT!!!!! he feels like jk is the more obvious/better choice for her bc mans has no self esteem 🫠 and even at the end we can see him starting to worry about if he should've told her or not.... somebody come get this man and tell him he's a prize!!!

thank you so much for reading sarah my love 🥺 i'm so glad you're enjoying this series and these twooooo, i love them so much and can't wait to show you what's next!!! 💜

[runninriot]

first of all.... HOW did i miss this being up for FOUR DAYS already?! i have been robbed. ROBBED!

and second... OUCH!!! 😭 my poor heart aches so much for Steve right now! give that poor guy a freaking rest! (or don't, i can't tell you what to do, obviously)

god this chapter HURTS like hell but it's so so SO beautifully written. i just can't get enough of your sweet, sweet torture 😩🖤🖤🖤

*running to the next part like a possessed person*

Trailer park Steve AU part 54 (12.1)

part 1 | part 53 | ao3

cw: angst

Chapter 12

Steve drives to Chicago.

He wakes up to an empty bed and a sticky note by the kitchen phone, words scribbled over so the only legible thing left is the word sorry underlined in jagged black, and his breath sticks in his chest and he can't be here anymore. Epiphany ringing like a gong, sending ripples through his marrow, because the walls are closing in and Eddie decorated those walls — splattered himself over every inch of this place, and now he's just the newest haunt in a line of ghosts that Steve can't shake. He thought he’d gotten rid of them, but now he hears them louder than ever. In the hiss of the faucet, in the buzz of the fridge; they’re moaning in his bad ear and rattling his bones, and he can't be here alone with them he can't be here he can't—

So he drives.

Gets in his car with nothing but a spare jacket and a crumpled pack of cigs. If ever there was a time to pick the habit up in earnest. Eddie’s van is gone, and Steve’s heart is bruised; it's bleeding out inside him, pumping fresh hurt with every beat, so he lights a cigarette with shaking hands and heads north. Takes the back roads to the on-ramp of I-65, drives for hours; drives for years, speeding down empty stretches of highway with nothing but roadkill for company.

At some point he rolls the windows down until the icy wind makes his cheeks burn, but he can't really feel them. Can't feel his face, or his fingers, or his heart.

All the world is snow and asphalt, and Steve Harrington is alone.

He tries to drown it out with music. The radio mocks him with swooning quartets love songs — 'put your head on my shoulder' and 'life could be a dream' — and all the tapes he can reach belong to Eddie, so he pulls over on the narrow shoulder of an overpass bridge and screams and screams and screams while he chucks the cassettes over the edge.

Fuck Eddie.

Fuck him.

"FUCK YOU!!" he shouts to the foggy nothingness.

The words dig in sharp; pocket knife twisting in the space below his kidneys.

The fog doesn't respond.

Back in the car, his thoughts turn to his mom. Because he's driving to her, he knows — knew it in his splintering bones and haunted blood the moment he left town. He's driving back to his first ghost, as if confronting the original will somehow exorcise the rest.

Miles pass in silence, and Steve paints over the canvas of what-ifs again and again, oily streaks in the underpainting as he tries to set the scenes just right: quiet, tearful confrontations in his aunt's formal living room, graceless screaming matches out on the front lawn. In one version he never makes it past the guard at the front gate, and in another he just eggs the stupid lion statues leading up to the house while his mom silently weeps from the top of the stairs.

He doesn't know if his mom would laugh at that.

He doesn't know her much at all.

And that fucking hurts; that sits like acid in his lungs, because his mom was his first friend. When he was little — before the housekeepers and nannies, before his mom started tailing his dad on business trips like a trained dog on a leash — they spent so much time together. Trips to the playground, to the library, to the pool. He'd perch himself on her vanity when she got ready in the mornings, use her hairbrush as a microphone to sing along to 50s doo-wop, and she'd giggle and call him her little superstar, so he'd come up with stupid dance moves just to make her smile more.

He misses that. The script, the routine. How he'd spin around in his socks on the slippery bathroom tile and look up at her with her big hair full of rollers and her big eyes full of stars, and he'd say, "Hey! How come your eyes are all twinkly?"

And she'd grin and pinch his cheek and give the same answer every time: "Because you're the light of my life."

"I wish I knew what you'd say now," he whispers to the empty car.

For a moment he envisions that she's sitting there with him, that she's filling the blank space where the boy who broke his heart should be, but he can't remember her cadence well enough to mimic it; can't put words in her mouth when he no longer knows her lines, and with something a bit like horror and a lot like despair it occurs to him that he can't remember what she looks like. There's an apparition in his blind spot, but it's formless and unstable. The shade of its hair keeps changing; the texture, the length.

When he tries to make it speak, it shrugs and dissipates.

—

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[bernardolovesanita]

BernardoLovesAnita Watches 2021 - Commentary Highlights

Mouthpiece's outfit in the opening looks so good on Ben 😩

Riff and Bernardo making a beeline for each other. Pure art.

Riff: How many times I gotta tell you, Bernardo. I don't speak spic.

BOY YOU DESERVED AN ASS BEATING THATS WHY YOUR BITCHASS GOT STABBED

My boys 💜🇵🇷

Brian's Krupke owns my heart. His little dumbass. The only cop I'd trust. 🥺

LOOK Riff can Choke but Mike Faist with the paint on his hands smoking the cigarette is an ICONIC look

Bernardo: Its stupid. We gotta do it, but it's stupid.

BERNARDO KNOWS! He knows the Sharks shouldn't have to be a thing but he has to protect his people 😭

Anita and Bernardo OWNED that dance floor. I don't care.

Riff laughing at Krupke and his whistle 🤣 me tooo

I love Chino's little dance

I deadass would love to just see the full choreo of the dance instead of turning to Tony and Maria. Give me more Anita and Bernardo.

Tony: I'm a by the book kinda guy.

BULLSHIT

Tony: I'll make him like me. Everybody likes me.

Bitch, I don't.

Anita's got better self control than I doooo

Who fucking decided Tony would do all that climbing and parkour shit? Was is Spielberg? Kushner? Ansel? Who's idea was it?

Tony and Maria feel "in love" because it's forbidden. If they weren't from two different worlds it wouldn't be so dramatic.

Are we going to ignore that Anita and Bernardo had the QUICKEST of quickies? Like they went into the bedroom at the beginning of "Tonight" and got freaky just for that song? Talk about Speedy Gonzalez

I don't like physical touch but I'd kill for a love like Anita and Bernardo's

Anita: Here, dead man. Eat your eggs.

OUCH IF ONLY SHE KNEW 😭😭😭😭

Bernardo really had his hands full with Maria and Anita

I still need to know why they got a poor extra SWEEPING HER FIRE ESCAPE! Por que?

I would risk it all for David and Ariana's portrayals of Bernardo and Anita. They are so fucking good. My heart can't handle itttt

Ay, Maria. It's not because of the two of you. The world does not revolve around you and your crusty white boy.

YES ANYBODYS BEAT HIS ASS

Anybodys has more balls than all the Jets put together. I said what I said.

That prostitute locked herself in that cell because she knew the Jets were rotten 😭

Poor Krupke 🥺

Tony and Maria and their dumb little weddings. This one makes less sense than in '61 when they're in the dress shop.

Tony: I swear to you Maria, there won't be no fight.

TECHNICALLY THOUGH Tony didn't break his promise because he said "there won't be no fight" which is a double negative which means he actually said "there will be a fight"

Tony had PLENTY of time to throw the gun into the water before Riff got it back. And he never fucking did. If he REALLY gave a shit about ending the violence he should have.

MIKE FAIST IS SUCH A 😩 DANCER LIKE PLEASE Give him more movie musical dancing roles

Anita singing about getting dicked down while praying at church is the most on brand thing she's done in any production.

Tony: I'm different now.

Proceeds to beat the shit out of and murder Bernardo...seems like you're very different 🙄

NOTHING THAT BERNARDO SAID WAS WRONG! Even if Tony isn't like that

WHOSE FUCKING KNIFE WAS THAT??????

Once again Tony's dumbass gets his bestfriend, his brother killed. Bernardo didn't want that. No one did.

Chino holding Bernardo so he didn't die alone hurts so fucking bad.

I know "I Feel Pretty" comes after the rumble in the stage production but it takes so much away from the film LIKE B R U H

WHY ISNT THE FIRST PERSON SHE ASKS ABOUT HER OWN BROTHER???? Like nruh if there was a fight my brother was involved in and I hear someone got stabbed I'M ASKING ABOUT MY BROTHER FIRST

Anita in the morgue breaks my heart. Why'd it have to be her? That's her lats memory of him. Seeing him pale. Dead.

Maria: If you let them take you away from me how do I forgive you for that?

BITCH! Because you can forgive him for killing YOUR BROTHER but not for turning himself in WHICH IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO! And knowing how hot racism was vack then within the system he would have had such a lenient sentence.

Subconsciously Tony wanted to kill Bernardo because that was the only real thing between him and Maria. Bernardo was his obstacle.

Krupke is so gentle with Anita 😭

AY MARIA HE'S COVERED IN YOUR BROTHER'S BLOOD AND YOU DECIDE NOW IS THE TIME TO FUCK HIM???? Fucking Christ almighty. Thank the gods this is all fictional.

MARIA DESERVED THAT SLAP

THE FUCKING AUDACIT Maria really shoved Anita

Anita's not crying over Bernardo now. She's crying over how fucking stupid Maria is being.

Anita tells Maria "he'll have to go away and you will have to go with him" because it has taken everything in her not to beat the shit out of Maria's dumbass self.

MY BOYS LIGHTING A CANDLE AND SAYING A PRAYER FOR NARDO OH MY BOYS 😭💜

Quique is the only Shark with any common sense and that is why this us a Quique stan blog.

Shrank: You're not his widow or anything.

Shrank is so fucking disrespectful SHE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN HIS WIFE IN LAW BUT SHE WAS HIS PARTNER FUCK YOU

Graz just wants to see Tony. Let her see Tony 😭

Anybodys "leave" wasn't a threat but a warning. Anybody knew it wasn't gonna end well.

This new version of the incident at Doc's hits so much more because of Graz and Velma begging the boys not to hurt Anita. The way Valentina talks. Fuck.

Why do my tears taste like soap??????

[cowboylarries]

you’ve got mail

i finally listened to walls but better and gave it my complete attention and i am writing this ask

kmm ➡️ always you : bop! fun! lifts the mood!

then you bring us right into HABIT????? that’s pure commitment right there that’s ROMANCE it was ALWAYS YOU YOURE THE HABIT ITS BEEN AGES DIFFERENT STAGES ALWAYS YOU !!!!! 👏👏

HOW DARE YOU put too young then fearless 😭😭😭😭 that broke me that broke me

AND TWO OF US???? RIGHT AFTER THAT LITTLE “MOM I DID IT” IN FEARLESS?????? I’m going to find u bc do u understand the power that holds? do we know whose voice that is anyway just IMAGINE louis in 2016 not being sure where to go with his solo stuff and dealing with everything and talking to his mother 😩 promised you i’d do this and then he DID IT 🤧🤧 tou hurts very much

okay what’s next oh dlibyh well you’ve broken my heart by making me listen to tou i might as well keep this box of tissues next to me just one sad song after another because I can’t take this in this fragile state his voice 😩😩😩 doing better…. yeah…….

are you going to make me listen to perfect now next that’s the pattern you’re going in aren’t you ???? yes you are 😔💔 i Fuckin knew it and you did it anyway 😩 ok i will cry because i cried to this last week too 🥺 keep ur head up don’t hide away this is PERFECT companion to dlibyh it’s so soft I swear why did he put it at the end I mean I know why but this Oooooooooh would’ve been beauTiFUL after dlibyh it’s so soft so much like a hug 🫂 IM EMO I adore this song even though it was everybody and their mother’s least favorite off of walls but it’s ok it’s ok

oooohch ouch ouch we made it ok keeping with the soft song theme that’s ok sitting in my room thinking about this yep never coming down because you’re perfect we made it together it’s all going to be okay 🤧🤧

DEFENCELESS?? no thank you! this entire playlist is really just us sitting in a small quiet room just listening to a happy louis and then a sad louis reassuring us it’s all going to be okay what is this album and why is it so sad and hopeful 😩

ok walls now this makes me feel better because I love the chorus and the video and he was defenceless and now he’s telling us what he did and i’m not over how he had put defenceless NEXT TO otb on the album because that was Quite An Emotional Ordeal but you’ve done something here I like it

only the brave I have no words about it because you know I’ve been crying I’m going to cry more !! i won’t talk about it in depth I’ve done that too many times we all know what it’s about

great playlist thank you 💚💙

i’ve been waiting for this moment :)

until i was putting it all together i really didn’t realize just how many sad songs there are in walls?? like they are all so soft with a tinge of sadness but yet hopeful at the same time!!! he is truly an artist <3

always you into habit is maybe my fave part about the playlist, although i do think that i did a pretty good job connecting all the songs into the next one. that’s the main thing that i try to switch up or connect bc i love albums that do that so seamlessly

anyways!! i’m glad you liked it <33333