#ria has had the worst day imaginable

[sm0lprism]

Bite-Sized (11) - A BG3 G/t fanfic

This contains g/t (giant/tiny content) so if that isn't your thing, then I suggest you stop reading. Thank you!

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1 | Previous chapter| Next chapter | Series master list

Summary: Astarion devises a plan to find Ria, while Ria herself ventures into the depths of the Goblin Camp to track down Minthara.

Pairing: Astarion x f!borrower!oc (Tav/oc) (slow-burn)

Warnings: Dehumanisation, LOTS OF FEARPLAY, swearing/course language, threats of violence, violence, blood, gore. Ria is treated awfully, bearing in mind Minthara is under the influence of the Absolute here.

Word count: 5.1k

All Astarion could do was watch helplessly as the tiny borrower disappeared into the hole in the wall to the Goblin Camp, his fingers only managing to brush through her auburn hair moments before she vanished into the wall. His face tightened as he gritted his teeth in frustration, and stretched back up to his full height. A flicker of guilt bloomed in his chest as he processed the situation. Ria had run away from him because of what he had just put her through, and there was no doubt that the whole ordeal had resurfaced some unpleasant memories for her from when they had first met. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling guilty, but the feeling refused to leave him.

His tongue swirled around in his jaw, feeling what remained of her taste in his mouth, along with the taste of his own blood from where she had stabbed him repeatedly. He couldn’t deny it, but she had tasted delicious on his tongue, and he immediately felt a pang in his stomach reminding him of his insatiable hunger. It would’ve been so easy for him to swallow her right then and there, and a large part of him had been incredibly tempted to do just that, but he had resisted. While he would never admit it out loud, a small part of him was beginning to grow rather fond of the borrower.

Gods, the tadpole must’ve eaten a hole in my brain for me to be feeling like this about a borrower of all creatures.

He could only hope that Ria would be smart enough to stick to the shadows and hide, or at least hide long enough until he found her. He hated to think what Lae’zel would do to him if she found out that her tiny apprentice had been killed in the Goblin Camp because he had brought her there. Not to mention Ria was completely unarmed, her only weapon stubbornly lodged inside his mouth. Running his tongue along his teeth, he soon felt the small handle of Ria’s dagger near the back of his throat. The weapon was stuck in the flesh of his gums, giving him a piercing pain in his jaw. Grunting in frustration, he attempted to manoeuvre the blade with his tongue, but the blade refused to budge. If only he could look in a mirror, he would probably have better luck removing it, although that was certainly not an option with his affliction.

“A-ha! There you are!”

Astarion turned on his heel to see the familiar face of the wizard, his eyes scanning the vampire spawn up and down as he tried to make sense of what he had just walked in on.

“Care to explain what you’re doing Astarion?” Gale asked, his brows furrowing.

“Nothing that concerns you Gale,” Astarion retorted, swallowing the gathering pool of saliva down his throat, along with the last remaining taste of the borrower in his mouth.  

Gale arched one eyebrow at Astarion, clearly not completely convinced.

“I saw you were acting rather strange around the goblins,” Gale remarked. “I didn’t see the whole event that transpired, but what happened exactly?”

A flicker of panic stirred in his chest as the wizard probed him for questions. It was fine, Gale had no idea that Ria was even here, or that she had become all too familiar with his mouth against her will. But even still, he knew the wizard was the sharpest out of everyone in his little group. He had to make sure that Gale wouldn’t detect anything suspicious.

“Oh, the goblins?” Astarion chuckled. “They insisted that I try some of their wretched beer. Of course I obliged them, I didn’t want to seem rude. It was positively foul, mind you. I would not recommend it.”

“Note taken,” Gale replied. “I suppose you can tell Karlach that later, she seemed ecstatic to try some.” The wizard paused, his gaze flicking over Astarion’s mouth for a moment. “Do you have something stuck in your teeth?”

Astarion’s eyes widened. “N-no, of course not! Why would there be?” He cleared his throat. “It’s not like I eat solid food.”

Gale pursued his lips, his brows knitting together as he eyed up the vampire spawn.

“Alright then,” Gale said after what felt like years. “We’re going to head inside the Goblin Camp now. Wyll and Karlach are already waiting inside.”

“Right,” Astarion replied, an idea hatching in his brain. “Why don’t you three go ahead, I’ll catch up in my own time. I might investigate to see if the goblins have any loot worth taking.”

Gale wetted his lips, mulling over Astarion’s suggestion.

“Hmm…okay. Are you sure you want to do that? It’s probably best if we stick together.”

“Trust me, Gale, I can meld into the shadows a lot better without having to worry about the three of you,” Astarion said. “I’ll catch up with you later. Besides, we’d be able to cover more ground if we split up.”

If I can leave the group, then I can find Ria by myself, and they won’t have to know a thing, he thought to himself, hoping that Gale would agree to his idea.

“I suppose that is a fair point,” Gale answered. “Just make sure to let us know if you happen to come across the druid. We need to get him out if we want to have any hope of resolving the conflict in the grove.”

“Absolutely,” Astarion replied with a sly smile. Good. Gale had bought it. Now he had a chance of finding Ria, hopefully before Minthara did.

***

Darkness soon smothered Ria’s body as she scrambled through the small opening in the wall, she could still hear Astarion’s voice shouting her name from the outside but she did not pay him any mind. Despite his attempt at drying her, her body was still damp and cold from his saliva, which made her shiver as she ran through the entrance. Forcing back more tears, she darted through the dark as her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. She could see that she was inside the walls of the main building of the Goblin Camp, stone surrounding every inch and corner with no visible end in sight. At this point, she didn’t really care where she ended up, all that mattered was that she got as far away from Astarion as much as possible. She continued to race forward, her breathing ragged and heavy, until she saw a glowing orb of light up ahead.

A way out.

Clambering with every ounce of energy left in her body, she forced herself onwards until she reached the end of the tunnel. She tentatively poked her head out of the opening and held her breath. She was in the interior of the Goblin Camp, the stone walls seemed to stretch on forever as she gazed upwards and shuddered at the gruesome décor. Bones were strung high across the walls and pillars, illuminated dimly by flickering candlelight. The smell of burning flesh assaulted her nostrils and she had to force herself not to gag or make any noise in fear of outing herself. The walls were cold and clammy to the touch, and mingled in with the scent of burning flesh, she could detect traces of old blood present on the stone. Rumbling footsteps of the goblins vibrated through her skeleton and she stiffened as large feet walked right across from her. Fortunately, they didn’t see her as they stomped on, completely oblivious to the tiny borrower infiltrating their camp.

“Praise the Absolute!” The goblins chanted, throwing their fists in the air as they marched further into the building.

What in the hells is the Absolute?

Ria had heard this word uttered a few times by some of the goblins, but she still had no idea what it meant. Was it a cult or following of some kind? She had no idea, but whatever it was, it certainly couldn’t be any good.

I need to find Minthara.

Her original goal resurfaced in her brain, reminding her of the task at hand and her whole reason for coming to this awful place to begin with. She needed to find Minthara and fast, before she was spotted by any of the goblins there. She quietly snuck outside of the hole in the wall and moved down the interior of the building, clinging to the walls and doing her best to meld into the shadows. She managed to pass by multiple goblin guards completely unseen, not one of them so much as glancing down in her direction. Thanks to her diminutive size, being dunked in alcohol, and, much to her distaste, Astarion’s saliva, the goblins acted as if she didn’t exist and allowed her to slip into the frays of the camp.

Gingerly, she sniffed her skin and almost recoiled as the pungent smell of alcohol filled her nostrils, not to mention the metallic scent of blood mixed in which almost made her nauseous. As much as she hated to admit it, perhaps being swirled around inside Astarion’s mouth hadn’t been all for waste as she smelled nothing like her usual self.

As much as I hate this, at least this means that the goblins won’t notice me, she thought bitterly to herself, longing for nothing more than a nice warm soak to scrub away the scent of blood and beer out of her skin, and the remaining traces of Astarion’s saliva.

As she ventured further into the inner dwellings of the camp, she realised that she had utterly no idea where Minthara was, or what she even looked like. As the realisation dawned on her, more thunderous footsteps shook the ground violently and she quickly pressed her back against a wall and held her breath.

Gods, this was not a good idea…why did I ever think this was a good idea?

“Our ladyship Minthara wishes to speak with you,” One of the goblins that walked past Ria grumbled, pointing at a different goblin with a brown hood over his head. “She said somethin’ about your scouting party not returnin’ yet.”

The goblin with the hood visibly stiffened, fear flickering across his eyes. “O-oh, right, thanks for that. I will go see her ladyship immediately.”

This was her chance. If she followed the hooded goblin, she would find Minthara. Once the coast was clear, she lunged forward to the hooded goblin and grasped onto his leather boots. As she clung on for dear life, she forced herself not to gasp as the goblin began to move, completely oblivious to the tiny hitchhiker on his shoes. The movement was staggering and her vision quickly became a blurred mess as the goblin stepped forward. Everything moved at such a frightening rate and it caused her stomach to lurch with each thundering footfall that the goblin took, sending rattling vibrations throughout her entire body as his foot collided with the stone floor. She hoped that the goblin didn’t have to walk far to reach Minthara, she wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take without emptying the contents of her stomach.

Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait too long for the goblin to reach his destination. He finally stopped moving, his feet now at a standstill, which allowed Ria to catch her breath and force herself not to hurl. Her vision was blurry due to moving around on the goblin’s boot, and she couldn’t quite make out where she was as everything was spinning around her. While she couldn’t see very well currently, she could hear some loud voices coming from above.

“Your scouting party has not returned, and half of the intruders escaped your guards!” A raspy, feminine voice punctured through Ria’s eardrums as she clung to the goblin’s boot.

Is that Minthara?

“Sorry, Mistress,” the goblin replied. “We mucked up.”

Ria’s head had finally stopped spinning, and she quickly jumped off the goblin’s boot and dashed behind one of the many war drums that were scattered around the room. Chest heaving, she anxiously glanced upwards and saw a female drow looming over the hooded goblin, her face cold and full of rage.

That’s Minthara.

“Until their sanctuary is found, I will take something precious from you every hour that passes,” Minthara continued, her gaze as cold as ice as she glared at the goblin before her. “A trinket…a tongue…a limb.” Minthara said the final word with such an intensity it sent chills up Ria’s spine, and she was quickly starting to regret her decision for coming here by herself.

No, I’m here now, I must go through with this, she thought to herself, shaking away her clouded thoughts of doubt and returned her attention back to the goblin and the drow. She decided it was best to remain hidden for the time being, or at least until Minthara had cooled off.

“I ain’t no use without me limbs,” the goblin quickly retorted, his frame shrinking back as the drow leered over him threateningly. “The lads’ll make the prisoners squeal soon enough; I swear!”

“Silence now, creature. Or I will silence you forever.” Minthara’s words were scathing, and the goblin flinched back in fear as she glowered at him fiercely.

“Be gone, unless you want me to start removing those limbs of yours,” the drow hissed.

“Y-yes, of course your ladyship.” The goblin frantically hurried out of room, his footsteps sending off small tremors throughout the ground as he scrambled away.

Minthara heaved a rather exasperated sigh, massaging her fingers across her temple.

“If only I had been given drow warriors not pathetic goblin trash,” Minthara muttered under her breath, her lips pressing into a thin line as she sat down on a nearby chair and hunched over a stone table.

A moment of silence passed, Minthara seemingly absorbed in the parchment of paper that was on top of the table, and Ria steadied her breathing as she tried to think of what to do next. How in the hells was she meant to approach the drow? And if she did, just what exactly was she going to say? How would Minthara even react to her? Minthara certainly didn’t strike her as a kind person, and she hated to think how she would react to finding a borrower sneaking through the camp. A sinking feeling of dread began to fester in the pit of her stomach as she realised just how stupid she was for coming here alone. In the heat of the moment, she had abandoned all logic, only thinking about how far away she wanted to get away from Astarion. But in doing so, she had placed herself in an incredibly dangerous situation. Now she wasn’t sure how she was going to proceed. At least her scent was disguised for the time being, so perhaps there was a way she could leave the room undetected.

Gods, why did I leave Astarion?! He was my only protection!

She chewed on her bottom lip in frustration and scanned the room intently. There had to be some small crack in the wall that she could slip into, or some kind of hole she could hide in for the time being until she could think of a better solution. In her current spot behind the war drum, she was too exposed, it wouldn’t take much for a goblin or the drow to glance down and find her there. She had to get out of there quickly, before Minthara finished whatever she was drawing up on the stone table and looked in her direction. In the corner of her eye, Ria suddenly spotted a small crack in the wall, big enough that she would be able to fit into it without a problem. The only thing was, it meant that she would have to pass under Minthara’s table to reach it.

Ria inhaled a rather shaky breath as beads of sweat began to form on her forehead. She could do this. Passing by larger folk was something all borrowers were good at to survive, but she knew if she messed this up, it could mean dire consequences for her. She had to be perfectly quiet if she wanted to get out of the Goblin Camp alive. Without a second more of hesitation, she sprinted towards the stone table and quickly dashed underneath it. Minthara didn’t move a muscle, completely unaware of the tiny borrower that was currently right under her nose. Swallowing back the fear forming in her throat, she sneaked around Minthara’s metallic boots, being extremely careful not to accidentally bump into them. Her exit out of the camp was rapidly getting closer with each tiny footstep that she took, still being extremely careful, and her blood pounded harshly in her eardrums.

That’s it…just keep on going.

The scraping sound of metal against stone filled her eardrums, snapping her neck to look over her shoulder to see what the noise was, and a scream nearly jumped out of her throat as she saw Minthara’s boot swing towards her. Everything happened so quickly, she didn’t even have time to react as Minthara’s boot collided into her tiny frame, sending her spiralling out from underneath the stone table and into the open.

“What in the name of the Absolute?” Minthara’s voice thundered from above, her footsteps sending off tiny earthquakes through the floor.

Ria winced in pain, every inch of her body screaming in agony, the very wind had been knocked right out of her lungs as she gasped for oxygen. She attempted to climb to her feet, but her body refused to move. Instead, she was met with searing pain that flared over her body like fire. Rapidly blinking, she turned her gaze upwards, and saw the glaring face of the drow staring down at her.

“Ah, it seems I have found an intruder.” The air shook with the intensity of Minthara’s voice, and all the colour quickly drained from Ria’s face.

Shit!

Despite the burning pain throughout her little body, Ria forced herself to her feet and made a feeble attempt to run the opposite way.

“Hahaha. You are not getting away from me that quickly, vermin.”

Ria flinched as Minthara’s boot suddenly collided with the ground in front of her, sending a rattling impact throughout the floor that almost sent her flying off her feet. Hastily she scrambled to her feet once more and began to turn to run the other way, but large fingers enclosed around her body and hoisted her up into the air.

Frantically, Ria reached for her dagger, knowing that was the last resort at defending herself. A sinking feeling settled in her gut when she couldn’t feel the blade in its sheath.

My dagger…I left it in Astarion’s mouth. I’m so fucking stupid!

“Do my eyes deceive me or am I staring at a borrower?” Minthara mused, her fingers tightening their grip on Ria’s squirming body as she wrestled in the drow’s hand. “I haven’t seen your kind for quite some time. I thought you had all been killed like the insects you are.”

“Let go of me!” Ria yelled, her stomach churning with fear, but she held her gaze firmly on the giant drow. “I-I’m not here to cause any trouble.”

The drow stared at the borrower quizzically, her red eyes narrowing. “I find it extremely unusual for a borrower to willingly walk into a Goblin Camp, do you have a death wish little creature?” She paused, her gaze scrutinising Ria like some kind of specimen in a lab. “I know there’s more than what you’re telling me.”

Ria exhaled deeply, attempting to calm her nerves. She was here now; she might as well do what she came here for.

“I’ve heard that you know some things about borrowers being traded for their blood,” Ria said firmly. “Apparently you were involved in it. I want to know why it’s happened, and if it’s still happening now.” She swallowed audibly, staring into the drow’s red gaze. “Please tell me all that you know.”

The drow’s red eyes widened before she threw back her head and laughed rather menacingly.

“Oh, this is just divine. A borrower who is not aware of the properties of their own blood? I couldn’t think of anything funnier than that.”

A wicked grin spread across the drow’s face, sending a deathly chill down Ria’s spine.

“Please! You must tell me!” Ria pleaded, her heart pounding fiercely in her chest as she locked her gaze with the drow. “I…I really have no idea. I need to know.”

“Is that so?” Minthara smiled, arching one brow. “And what, exactly, do you plan to do if I provide you this information?”

Ria’s mouth parted open, but no words fell from her lips. Just what was she going to do when she found out? It would answer a lot of questions she had, but, if borrowers were being traded for their blood, what exactly could she do about it? Was she hoping to save the borrowers that had been traded for their blood? By herself, it was impossible. But perhaps with her new friends, maybe they would help her. Either way, even if she couldn’t do anything about it, she had to know that she wasn’t the last borrower. There had to be more of her kind out there, she refused to believe otherwise. And, if she found more borrowers, perhaps she could join their colony and finally live with her own kind.

“Going awfully quiet now, aren’t you?” Minthara’s gravelly voice rumbled through the air, her gaze hardening. “No matter, you’re lucky I find it so pitiful that you are so incredibly ignorant.” Her grip on the borrower tightened, almost crushing Ria in her slender fingers and she cried out in pain.  

“I used to catch the odd borrower and trade them to a drow who was a daughter of the fallen House Oblodra,” Minthara said. “She now resides in Moonrise Towers. I haven’t come across a borrower in years, until you came along.”

A deep cackle resonated in Minthara’s throat as she watched Ria continue to thrash in her grip. “And I believe she will be most pleased to find such a fine specimen like this. Your blood will fetch a lot of gold for me.”

Ria’s face paled, her tiny hands growing cold and clammy. The drow was going to sell her off for her blood, and there wasn’t anything she could do to stop her. Her mind raced as she tried to think of what to do as her heart threatened to burst out of her ribcage. The only thing she could do was stall Minthara – keep her talking in hopes that maybe, just maybe, Astarion or Gale and the others happened to show up, but it was unlikely. Astarion being the one to save her seemed very slim considering his disdain towards her. But she had to do something in the meantime, whether someone came to her rescue or not, at least until she could think of a better option. And there were plenty of questions she needed to ask the drow.

“Why is borrower blood so sought after?” Ria questioned genuinely.

Minthara’s eyes widened and she stifled another cackle. “Oh, this is hilarious. You truly are an ignorant little worm.” The drow leaned over her stone table and roughly tossed Ria onto the hard surface, sending her tumbling across the stone.

“Borrower blood is rife with magic, thanks to your fickle Fey ancestry,” Minthara said, looming over Ria’s tiny frame upon the stone table. “Vampires seem to be intoxicated as soon as they get a taste of it. They easily become addicted, as if it’s like a drug to them. They also happen to pay a lot of gold to have it in large amounts, which is why blood merchants will pay a high price to obtain borrowers to sell to their vampire clients.”

“W-what?” Ria croaked, her face falling upon hearing the words fall from the drow’s mouth, her brain attempting to process what she was saying. “You…you can’t be serious.”

“Do I look like I am joking?” Minthara growled, causing Ria to flinch from the intensity in her loud voice. “I know many jokes, little rat, but I can assure you I am deadly serious. Is this too much for your miniscule brain to handle?”

The entire room began to spin as Ria’s body rapidly grew numb. No, this couldn’t be true. The drow’s words echoed in her brain, rattling her very core, refusing to let her be told anything else. Her tiny body trembled as a crushing sadness washed over her, sending her buckling to her knees as her body could no longer support her own weight. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but no sound could be mustered from her lips. She remained almost frozen on the stone table, her mind racing as she pieced everything together.

Is…is that why I haven’t seen another borrower for ten years? Is that why Mum and Dad never returned home all those years ago? Were they all taken to be sold off to blood merchants?

“I see this information has been quite the revelation for you, to say the least,” Minthara’s rumbling voice jolted Ria to her senses. “As amusing as it is watching you fall apart, it is time for you to be put in a cage.”

Ria stiffened. “A what?”

A rusty, metal bird cage was placed on top of the table right across from where Ria was kneeling. Minthara opened the door to the cage as a grin tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“When I caught borrowers more frequently, this is how I contained them.” The drow lunged forward with outstretched fingers and squeezed Ria into her fist. “Fortunately for you, I never got rid of it.”

“No!” Ria shrieked as Minthara tossed her into the cage as if she were nothing.

The door locked shut and Ria felt her stomach sink to the floor. Scrambling to her feet, she rushed to the bars of the cage and rattled them with every ounce of strength she had left.

“Let me out!” she cried at the top of her lungs. “Please, you’re making a very big mistake!”

Minthara cackled, her laugh sending vibrations through the air that shook her bones to her very core.

“Oh, I think I’m doing quite the opposite.” Minthara held the cage up to her face, consuming all of Ria’s vision as she sneered at the borrower. “Araj will be most pleased when I give you to her.”

A cold sweat trickled down Ria’s neck as tears pricked her eyelids. She was completely helpless and there was nothing she could do to stop Minthara. Oh, how stupid she had been to come here alone.

Why did I have to be so foolish…

Tears welled up, blurring her vision as a mixture of emotions coursed through her body. Fear, sadness, resentment, but most prominently out of all the emotions that swirled inside her brain, anger began to burn as brightly as the sun.

This isn’t fair! THIS ISN’T FAIR!

Her entire body went rigid as a surge of heat flooded her senses. It almost felt as if electricity was beginning to fly from her fingertips as she allowed the emotion to take a hold of her. Suddenly, a blue light began to emit from Ria’s chest and quickly spread to the rest of her body. Her body felt charged, as if she was going to burst at any moment.

“What are you doing?” Minthara snapped, bewilderment spread across her face as she stared at the borrower inside the cage.

“I’m not letting you take me!” Ria shouted fiercely, sparks literally flying as a bolt of electricity shot straight out of her fingertips and directly onto Minthara’s astonished face.

Minthara yelled in surprise as the bolt of electricity hit her directly in the face and she dropped Ria’s cage in shock. She was now falling, everything a hazy blur, until the cage slammed into the hard floor below. The impact from the floor sent the cage door flying open, and as soon as Ria had gathered her senses, she leaped out without a moment’s hesitation. Rather breathlessly she scurried away from the towering drow, her body screaming in pain, and made a mad dash towards the large bridge that was laid out across the room.

“You insolent little pest!” Minthara’s voice bellowed like thunder from above, her large footfalls sending convulsions through the stony ground.

Ria had no idea how she had summoned the bolt of electricity, but it had provided her with an opportunity to escape, and if she didn’t act quickly, she would be in the drow’s clutches once more. She sprinted as fast as her small legs could carry her, adrenaline blazing through her body as she forced herself to keep moving forward. But her movements were no match for the drow. Minthara’s hand swooped down from above and crushed Ria in her vice-like grip once more.

“I should break you for such abhorrent behaviour,” Minthara snarled, her white hair frazzled and sticking out in places from where Ria had hit her with electricity. “You are lucky that you are more valuable to me alive.”

Out of desperation, Ria attempted to summon the electricity once more, but she was met with nothing. The feeling had vanished just as soon as it had taken a hold of her.

“N-no!” she cried out, tears running down her face as she squirmed in Minthara’s fist.

“Cease your whining,” Minthara hissed, reaching down to grab the cage from the floor. “Your kind are so utterly pathetic.”

Ria screamed as loud as she could, tears streaming down her face, but it made no difference. She was going to be traded off to some blood merchant and then most likely be consumed by some vampire.

“Silence!” Minthara snarled, her red stare furious. “Or I will-”

Minthara didn’t even get to finish her sentence as an arrow shot straight through her chest, causing her to stagger backwards from the sudden impact.

The drow’s eyes went wide with fear as she stared at the arrow now protruding out of her armour. Crimson began to leak out of the wound and she coughed out a splatter of blood.

“W-what-” Minthara wheezed as her fingers loosened their grip on the borrower, allowing her to drop to the ground.

No words managed to form on Ria’s lips as her body was now falling through the air, everything passing by in slow motion as she made her gruelling descent towards the hard floor. Just before everything went black, she saw a very familiar pale elf drive a dagger through Minthara’s chest.

She let the darkness take hold of her as everything faded away. Taglist: @rose7420 @empressxmachina @taters169 @smolgloves @smolkuriboh27 @alexcutecolly (if anyone wants to be removed or added to the taglist, please feel free to dm me!)

[marsvs-thesun]

Oof had to take a few days fighting the brainrot to get some actual work done, end of semester and all that jazz... sorry. This is all DELIGHTFUL tho! I'm realizing i actually love whump thanks to you lol

On one hand i totally agree with you, on the other i feel like Pythus couldn't resist the urge to gloat about one upping Ingressus ^^" well, so long as he's a terrible person he's in character i suppose

YES! It's about the trust and its inevitable break! Damn Senn's loved ones all want to kill each other... poor little guy. Will Senn ever understand the kind of person Pythus is tho? It's hard to let go of the only person in the world who had your back, no matter how terrible they were.

Del is trying his best! He's just Like That. Thankfully, Ria is kinda Like That too so I have a feeling they would be best buds by the end of the war lmao. Give murderous teenagers/young adults/no canon age with a death wish or give me death!

Listen. Almrak deserves to bonk someone and Pythus deserves to be bonked. It just works! (Side note, but i've always headcanoned Almrak as pretty good with bow or a crossbow, since he has two hands and a lot of free time, sooo here's another possibility as to How To Commit Regicide)

...Not to be angsty on main but now I'm wondering what kind of leverage Pythus could gain over Senn if he found out about his little found family... would be a reaal shame if one of those lovely people were to lose their head :) Thalleous and Osivian deserve that L imo. Imagine you raise a child so horribly a literal hostage situation/toxic situationship is were he finally starts to heal and finds comfort. They failed SO hard.

"Pythus tempting the Cain instinct" that's it, the character in a nutshell. Ultimate characterization. We made it.

Ooooh well you did NOT help me finish my homework considering ive reread this at least three times so far but i forgive because this is some DELICIOUS food /lh

Oh Ingressus you self sacrificial little idiot. He really would sell his soul for the slightest improvement of the Voltaris' situation uh... This man is NOT putting his oxygen mask on before helping others. I love him dearly.

Weird detail but i love your use of colors in this! I was really annoyed with the Nether in SoW being all dark red and gloom, since it came out after the Nether update and the new Nether is literally so beautiful and colorful! Let Netherans wear teal and magenta and gold/quartz accents! Let me see soul fire goddamit! There's more to life than Nether bricks

Damn Pythus living in luxury/throwing his wealth in Ingressus' face is super interesting since i'm pretty sure the canon reason for the Nether's original involvement in the Great War was their lack of ressources, and especially food... (I'm taking this from the season 2 commentary i think? I'm not sure anymore, and i doubt the video is still online). Like, either the man is really trying to flex or he's a terrible king (it's both. but mostly he's terrible)

The thing with the sow protecting her babies with her life... it's about Dominus and Ingressus right? Cause if that's the case then the foreshadowing this casts on their relationship is... aaaaah

First time in my life wanting to eat blood soup damn. You make it sound really good.

YES INGRESSUS! STAB! STAB! STAB!

Ingressus about to teleport outta here lol. Poor guy is having the worst social interaction of his life. Being thrown off a cliff was less awkward.

The handmade gift thing is such a good hc! I almost want to think Pythus is being genuine here... I am not immune to propaganda.

Oooooh Tygren's gonna diiiiieeeee

Necrophilia is one thing, but Pythus is Netheran... and Netherans are the best Necromancers out there. Anyone down for a zombie!Senn AU?

(Somewhat unrelated, but circling back to the beginning of our conversation- I remembered that the suitors have a villain song in epic! and it fits Pythus a little TOO well actually, especially the second verses. It's Hold Them Down if you want to listen to it, though the final version isn't out yet. CW for sexual assault in the third verse, though, it IS a villain song and not a very fun one. But very catchy!)

That's it btw, you've got me. Despite my best effort i've started yet ANOTHER fic i might never finish but hey might as well try. It's Ingressus/Pythus and i might steal a few of your hc for it cause ngl they are really good I have a few idea for platonic Senthus as well, but i think they would require a longer fic than a one shot so they'll stay in my head for now :)

This close to drawing a ria and herobrine animatic based off no longer you

Ria is Odysseus

Herobrine is tiresias

Ria is pissed about this whole situation

[purplesurveys]

1170

survey by purplehugger

Would you ever get a tattoo? I would love to get one, and plans are definitely set for that. It’s just a matter of knowing when I’m finally finally FINALLY ready to have something permanent placed on my skin.

Can you live without your phone? Technically yes, but I would have a very hard time since I use it for a lot of things, if not all the things I do on a daily basis; and I imagine I’d grow cranky very fast.

What animal do you resemble? I’m not so sure about resemble...I can tell you my personality matches best with dogs, though. I always have a great time with them.

What is your best friend’s name? I have two of them, Angela and Andi.

What is/was your favorite subject in school? History, followed by honestly any social sciences course out there...geography, anthropology, political science, etc. I definitely hogged those classes in college as much as my curriculum allowed me to.

Would you ever adopt a stray puppy? I would adopt every single one I see if I could.

Do you like chocolate? Chocolate-flavored sweets, yes. Actual chocolate or chocolate bars, not so much.

What is your favorite word? Poignant always seems to hit me straight in the feels.

Have you ever done something really stupid? Erm, of course? I do it at least once a day.

What was the worst mistake you ever made? Y’all have heard it a million times by now, but it’s tolerating shit I knew I didn’t deserve. Also, touching a plugged clothes iron when I was 7.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I did at one point, but I didn’t practice it and now I don’t know how to do it anymore.

How high can you count? Any number as long as money is involved, hahaha.

You are very loved. True or False? True.

Do you like Taylor Swift? Not so much.

Do you want any piercings? Yes, one on each of my ears; I got pierced as an infant.

Have you ever stolen something? Random lost pens at school.

Do you like seafood? Looooooove seafood. I literally have 24 pieces of sushi right next to me right now; just a lil Friday treat for myself heehee.

What is your least favorite name? That seems a bit harsh. I don’t think I hate any name that much so as to call it my least favorite.

What do you want to name your child? Olivia or Mia is still on the table for me.

Do you like the color green? Just the olive shade. Otherwise it’s my least favorite color.

Do you have lots of friends? I would say I have enough to be happy. I don’t know what exactly ‘many’ means.

Are you listening to anything right now? Yeah, my friend group put up a Discord server just tonight and Jo proceeded to start a BTS playlist earlier. Everyone’s since hopped out for the night, but the playlist is still on so I’ll be staying around for the meantime and vibe. :) Just me, BTS, and my sushi haha.

What time is it? 10:04 PM.

Are you hungry? No, I’m taking bites every once in a while as I take this survey.

What was the last thing you ate? Sushi. I got 3 kinds for tonight: Singaporean Roll, Dynamite Roll, and Mount Fuji Roll. All so good. 

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? I never did.

Do you know any gay people? Many.

Do you have any pets? Yes.

Would you ever own a monkey? Probably not. I wouldn’t be equipped to care for them.

Do you enjoy reading? Essays and memoirs, yes.

--

survey by xxbieberburnham

Do you know anyone who has been attacked by a shark? Not to my knowledge.

What is your best friend's mom name? Girlie and Ria.

Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? No.

What part of your body do you wash first? Hair.

Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie.

How do you think the dinosaurs died? Giant asteroid.

What's your favorite flavor of Pringles? Just the original one. But tbh Pringles are so addictive anyway, I’ll always take more than one of any flavor if they were ever offered to me.

What was the last thing you got grounded for? Low grades, which was really the only reason why I ever got grounded.

Did you go to a water park last summer? No, and I doubt anyone else did either...

What shoe do you put on first? Usually the right.

Finish the sentence: Girls... Are powerful.

Have you ever had a song or poem written about you? Poem, yeah. I don’t think I would particularly appreciate an entire song being written about me though, I think that would just make me cringe lol.

Did you have a nickname growing up? Nothing like an affectionate pet name. My longest-lasting nickname is just a shortened version of my name used by family, but otherwise everyone calls me by my first name.

When was the last time you played the air guitar? Never.

Have you ever bitten your toenail? Only as a kid.

How often do you clean out your ears? Every other day.

Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Fold.

Have you ever been dared to do something that you regretted? Nothing major. One instance I can remember is when I was dared to pick up food from the ground, and when I bit into it it already had some tiny tiny stones and some debris on it D:

Favorite website? Twitter, probably. Or YouTube.

Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Losing two relatives I was close to in the span of four days to Covid. I am so fucking glad we made the decision to celebrate Christmas with extended family last year, no matter how ignorant it was. It absolutely sucks that I will never see them again.

Best thing that has happened to you? Recovering from my depression last year and choosing to stay. I’m living a really happy life rn.

If you could dye your hair any color, what color would it be? Dark green.

Do you have a Wii? We used to but we threw it out a few years ago since it wasn’t working anymore.

Most used phrase on IM? I think I just say “Hahahahaha” excessively lmao. Picked it up from my bosses.

Have you ever heard of The Beatles? Yes.

[calmedflames]

 ----- OH GOD how do you rp again?? hm anyWAY the name’s ria ( believe no one else mads when they say otherwise ) 22 , in the worst timezone possible and p much always confused !! but i have some probably not helpful info about two precious children under the cut so YAH

『    JAMIE MOON  ||     28     ||       FLOWER SHOP CLERK / BARTENDER     』

 god she’s so pretty i cry BUT ANYWAY y’all ready for some tragic bs story? well get ready. 

so jamie’s adopted ----- ok not as dramatic but like lstn ,, she was born in busan, south korea into a pathetic excuse for a family , cue abusive dad and helpless mom and poor af but like she made peace with it only cause she learned how to shut off her feelings and lived in denial p much

but one day her dad gets an offer from one of his work colleagues to move to the US and be the head of the office there ,, they just have to pay a “small” fee and other expenses like visas and shit but being the idiot that he is , sells off everything they have so that they can move and when they reach washington , there’s nothing --- no office no people ,, nothing

they don’t know the language , have no house , no nothing SO OFC the only logical reason was for him to kill himself and mom followed suit and now our 14 yr old girl has no where to go :) 

jamie now somehow has to learn to live in a new country all by herself ,, fantastic -- but she does... sleeps on benches or finds people here and there who sometimes help her or rob her OH WELL but yeah eventually a store owner takes pity and lets her work for some food and eventually they help put jamie in the system 

YA GIRL GETS ADOPTED BY A RICH ASS FAMILY 

her adoptive parents are nice and all but after her, they adopted another younger child and later had a child of their own so hello insecurities of being kicked out anytime soon 

so eventually she worked and borrowed some money from the fam and moved out and now yeah now she’s just chillin’ 

that’s all i got okay be nice 

oh also lesbian af

  WANTED CONNECTIONS                            

past reflections :  maybe some people she met during the time she lived on the streets ... people who helped her or who she stayed with for a couple of days or someone took advantage or robbed her or whatever 

thicker than blood  :  gimme her two younger siblings thanks 

exes and ohs  :  did someone say ex-girlfriend? yes. 

a (girl) crush  :  someone she likes but is obviously straight but she’s just heart eyes

a (boy) crush  :  some guy she probably dated a while back to make her parents happy but obviously had no future w cause she gay 

regular mistakes  :  ayeee friends w benefits bc who doesn’t want that 

idk man anything you can think of lmk

『    RICK SULLIVAN   ||     37     ||       ANIMAL SHELTER OWNER        』

ok but how cute is he 

imma be honest there’s not much exciting to his background and that has nothing to do with the fact that i literally created this character under peer pressure ( ahem mads ahem ) maybe it does

so he was born in a small town in texas , loving mom and dad and eventually had a little sister who he adores with all his heart and picture perfect family ----- i mean all families have their issues but it was mostly good 

their mom stayed home and looked after the kids and their little farm while their army man dad bravely fought wars 

but ofc , one day the letter of their dad’s death comes and the responsibilities of being the man of the house fall on poor 16 year old rick 

and he did what he could to help out , small odd jobs that earned some money while balancing school and all that ---- but it turned out good , eventually making enough money to take his little family and move to elms and start his own little animal shelter 

BUT SO our boy rick is a simple man , kind , sweet , handsome , helpful , likes to travel ( although has never been anywhere ), likes to paint once a while also is romantic and likes long walks on the beach 

OH ALSO i forgot to mention , the one woman he fell in love with left him at the alter :)) 

so yeah , after that he was a little broken , his sunshine personality took a hit and he went on a drinking binge for a bit but yah mads just hates all of my characters and does this every time 

WANTED CONNECTIONS  

little one  :   his younger sister please , i imagine they have a good relationship but lets talk about it for sure

mother knows best  :  well yeah , his mom , pretty straightforward. she took good care of ‘em as children but also put a lot of pressure on rick’s shoulders at a young age and they’re good for the most part and he’s super protective of her , sometimes annoyingly but in good faith

best buddy  :  everyone needs a best friend you guys

bad habits die hard  :  so like i said , rick is goody two shoes but went in a “bit” of a spiral after the whole wedding thing so probably someone who taught him to drink and become a. as rick would say a “ hardcore baddie ”   ---- god he’s so lame

animal shelter employees  :  who wants to come hang out with cool old man rick and his adorable puppies 

[cs-discourse]

I do not wish anything but good things upon Dia and everyone else involved with this, and I hope that Dia is doing okay and wish them the best moving forward, and I don’t know too much about Rise since I was never a part of it since I never really cared for it, but a couple things.

One, if people paid for their cats, it is not them feeling entitled to them or someone else’s art. They literally fucking are. They bought that with money they earned. That isn’t an entitled Karen. If they didn’t buy it, it is still theirs. They won it or claimed a free service option (I have no idea how Founders worked so the free service may not be totally correct but still my point stands) that was offered to them, and it is theirs. You can’t give someone a gift and then just take it back. Rise isn’t one of the special circumstances where that’s okay, nor was it accidental. While someone made the art, it now belongs to whoever bought it, or whoever it was given to, because they now own it. If the species wasn’t closed I can understand not wanting to allow selling, but if the species is closed, that’s really just a straight up dick move, especially if the people paid for it. There’s only so much you can do with something very community based without the community, and if people lose interest, there’s no way they can get that money back and at some point, it may be money they need. While there doesn’t seem like much can be done if that rule is broken, Dia is a mod on CS, with sway, and they could probably have a user banned for breaking that species rule. I’m not saying they would, but that abuse of power is possible. Also, not allowing them to be used on other sites is also really not okay? It would be more understanding if Dia paid for them herself, but from my understanding, people pitched in to pay for the lines currently used, so there’s not even that excuse. I read the closing post, Rise cats are now considered regular OCs, and it’s not right to constrict the use of their official reference like that. If it were to not upload to places like imgur or Pinterest, that I get because the credit becomes untraceable then, but what if now that the species doesn’t exist someone wanted to develop them elsewhere? There’s no longer any reason to police that and as a species owner myself there really isn’t any justifiable reason I can see to not allow that.

Two, as someone else has said already, Dia took that custom for currency, and if she wasn’t certain about something, she absolutely should have asked for clarification. Most people who take commissions that I’ve seen, references are super important, and if there’s not enough, they ask. They don’t talk it over with other staff members, they go directly to the person and ask. If there was no “surprise me” or “I really do not give a shit about what you do outside these things”, she should have gone straight to Faded to clarify. That is on her. She also says to Fadedfyre that that’s the problem with people ordering cats with technical terms and she wants it to go away. If it’s a problem, then if she was unsure and this has happened before and she doesn’t want it to happen, then she absolutely should have asked for clarification. It’s good she offered to change the eye color, really good, but this could have been avoided if she had asked. It also could have been avoided if a reference had been provided to begin with, but Dia still should have asked. Anxiety is also not an excuse for making someone do extra work or entitling you to it, but from what I saw that was not what Fadedfyre was asking or doing. They explained, asked if anything could be done, and even in their rude reply did not demand or ask for anything to be fixed. They didn’t seem to come in expecting something to happen, just wanting to see if something could be done.

Three, yes, Fadedfyre was rude and really shouldn’t have been like that, but they admitted and acknowledged they were and aren’t acting like it was okay to be rude, and I am also not saying that it was okay, because it’s not, and it’s a huge no. However, they weren’t asking someone to remake it, they were merely asking if anything could be done. That’s not a “demand” for someone to change it. A month also isn’t a super unreasonable time. No where near ideal and definitely a long time, yes, but not insanely unreasonable. It should have been dealt with sooner, but there is so much that can happen in a month and so many reasons why it couldn’t have been dealt with sooner. Real life is a huge one. Personally, since October I’ve been super busy with things and struggling to fix things and I’ve only had a few moments of spare time, and just this month, my cat died, I’ve gone back to the place I was mentally a few years ago which is the worst place I’ve ever been, and my gecko completely surprised me with two babies out of fucking nowhere when I thought her breeder hadn’t ever bred her and I didn’t think eggs could even survive in her tank and I was proved very wrong. I’ve not had any space to breathe. So much can happen out of nowhere and take all your time and energy and a CS species probably isn’t near the top of your priority list. Fadedfyre expressed that they’ve had a lot of in person stuff going on and had anxiety and it took a lot to get them to message Dia, and while I have no idea what is going on for them, I can completely understand where they’re coming from with that. Anxiety can cause you to take ages to work up to being able to do things, and when you’re already going through heavy shit it can take even longer. That anxiety (and excitement) can also make things take longer to realize. You can rationalize, tell yourself that you’ll like it and that it’s not really that bad and your feelings will pass, and then they don’t, and it’s been awhile and you have to accept it and want to see if you can do something about it. Authority figures are also so insanely difficult to approach and Fadefyre said Dia reminded them of people that were not good in their life and that made things harder. To me, Ria definitely comes off as a terrifying authority figure that gives the typical emotionless authority copy paste authority person responses, so I know to me it would take weeks to be able to say something, because I do not do well with people like that, and people like that played a massive hand in fucking my life up and now I instantly distrust anyone who is like that because my only experiences with them are the people who ran my school promising me that nothing would be done, and then the next day sent a fucking policeman to my house to force me to school when I wasn’t able to go in because my anxiety was just too much and I just couldn’t force myself to go. Dia’s comment on anxiety really should not have been made and feels so so unsympathetic and not understanding. I am sure Fadedfyre wanted to address it earlier, but for many reasons they simply couldn’t, and saying “oh I know anxiety makes it hard but if you do it sooner anyway the person will take it better and this thing will go better” really does not help. It’s something that is already known, and the wanted result, but it can’t always be achieved and saying that just makes you feel even worse and as someone with anxiety I can assure you we feel bad enough about it on our own and that’s part of why we take so long. Fadedfyre really should not have responded the way they did but oh god I can see why that caused a snap. That sentence next to a smiley face would have set me off too if it had taken me ages to work up to things because thats the attitude the people at my school had and it’s a hurt I’m still healing from. Brushing off someone’s anxiety like that isn’t cool and it may just be me but Fadedfyre’s apology for Dia reminding them of those two teachers seemed really genuine. Also, I may be blind but I don’t see where the art was insulted? It was never called bad or terrible or shit, just the judgement was a bit harshly criticized. The blocking is justified but as a staff member and species owner, it feels really premature. In authority positions you need to be open and a point of contact, and if you have to block someone it’s best to refer to someone else or at least wait a bit longer to see if there’s an apology or explanation.

Four, NaCI shouldn’t have been told they had to judge them. Things didn’t go as planned and they weren’t in the place for it and someone should have at least been allowed to take over if they volunteered. Also, Dia deleting the post and saying staff should be the ones to answer questions when it wasn’t that also was not okay.

Five, if Dia really didn’t tell the staff either, that’s also not good. She should have at least told them beforehand or made them aware she was considering it.

I don’t think anyone should be mad at Dia or hateful towards her for closing Rise because you need to do what you need to do for your mental health and I cannot stress how important your mental health is, but that doesn’t mean people can’t be upset or critical of what happened because Rise is something that meant a lot to many people. Just be respectful no matter how you’re feeling.

I apologize for how long this is and mods, even if this isn’t posted and I imagine it wont be, I am so truly sorry you had to read all this. You guys are cool and I’m sorry to have made more work for you and wish you all the best and hope you have a most wonderful year.

[jughead-jones]

That does help! Could you share some of your favorite bughead AUs? (fics, prompts, gifsets, etc) - your secret santa

Oh, boy. I’m probably the wrong person to ask this because a) the AUs that I desperately want haven’t been made/written yet because they’re still in my head and very slow in being actualised; b) I stopped reading Bughead fanfiction some time last year (okay, it was December); reasons being: I read fanfic in cycles — I binge on one ship and when it starts getting predictable, I binge read fanfic for another ship, and so on and so on. But alright, I looked though my bookmarks on ao3, and here are some fanfics:

Definitely AUs:

You’re Going to Go Far (Kid) by PastyPirate: Jughead has always been unable to say no to Jellybean. So if she wants to join a band of people he barely remembers from a town he’d abandoned years ago, well, then he’s joining a band.

Double Date with Danger by PastyPirate: The Serpents are a secret society of assassins, Jughead is a top ranking killer, Archie is in training, Veronica is a powerhouse, and Betty is just your All American Girl Next Door.

Murder on the Orient Express by formergirlwonder: The year is 1934. Jughead Jones, a successful mystery novelist, is called back to London from Istanbul by his agent. On the train he reunites with an old love…

Welcome to Camp Sweetwater by @twilightvxen: Jughead and Betty are camp counselors, and she makes him hate this place a little less every day.

take me home by @sylwrites: When Jughead used to imagine living in New York, it was always Manhattan — not a small town upstate. At least the shoot for Sweetwater is only seven months.

wonderstruck by @santiagone: A girl—undeniably pretty even from his distance—perching quaintly on top of a rumbling washing machine, scribbling down in a notebook, chewing at her bottom (admittedly very pink) lip. She’s dressed in a sweater several sizes too big for her, and sweatpants that are rolled up adora—accusingly at the ankles. / “You’re in my clothes,” he says after a moment, so stunned that his eyebrows almost creep up into his hat.

Ivy League Material by @confirmedbugheadtrash: Betty Cooper, had, despite her very best efforts, still ended up at an Ivy League school. Betty knew this was the perfect opportunity to show everyone that she wasn’t perfect. Jughead Jones, had, despite himself, ended up at an Ivy League school. Jughead Jones was neither bright nor shiny, dammit. At least, he tried his hardest not to be.

that The O.C. AU Ria @rivervixens and I discussed once upon a time…

canonish? AUs?:

Needing/Getting by slantedsunlight: In a Riverdale never shaken by Jason Blossom’s murder, Jughead Jones still has plenty keeping him up at night — like letting go of his enormous, unrequited crush on Betty Cooper, or how to get out of the school ski trip. As it turns out, he isn’t very good at either…

looking for a mind at work by @imreallyloveleee: When the fireworks start, Jughead and Betty are alone.

Roll The Dice by @ohkingsteve: Betty is oblivious, Jughead pines, Veronica spills the tea, and Reggie finds his One True Bro™.

Always Forward by @carynsilver: The Three Musketeers of Betty, Jughead, and Archie lose touch when Jughead and his family move away from Riverdale. Veronica never moved to Riverdale at all. When they all end up in NYC for college ten years later, the Core Four (plus Cheryl) meet up and have to figure out if they still have places in each other’s lives.

dust to dust by @lusterrdust: Betty’s head snaps over toward the boy, his lanky form leaning over his patio with the cigarette hanging from his fingers. Her stomach turns strangely at the way the moonlight highlights his features, accentuating his cheekbones and the inky black hair that falls over his eyes in soft curls. / He raises a brow at her and takes a deep drag of his cig before continuing. “Welcome to Riverdale.”

There have also been other fics, but they were deleted. One thing in common between all of them: They were Bughead as Musicians or Actors AUs. I kinda wish Bughead fandom was as wrought with AUs as Bellarke fandom — now there’s a group of people who can OTP-up any situation.

Here’s some things of my own:

roseblood series: the occasional time I find it in myself to write a fanfic. D: because my idea folder is bursting with notes, it really should have more material there, but I’m also The Worst™ so it doesn’t.

you have witchcraft in your lips: an Actors AU featuring Harry Potter that @jane-hoppers and I started writing before I dropped the ball. That will teach Kayla to rely on me. :/ It’s still an AU I love and dream of finishing. WE HAVE MATERIAL AND OUTLINES AND KAYLA’S SECOND CHAPTER, I AM JUST *makes fist* THE WORST AND CAN’T GET OVER A BLOCK. IT HAS BEEN A YEAR.

the Princess Bride AU that went no where. Ideally I’ll finish that gifset I was making, IDEALLY.

Game of Thrones AU that has around a lot of stuff written for it, but it’s disjoined so I can never produce a solid chapter. 

Zootopia AU that only I and @shibbycat fangirl over because we both love Zootopia more than is healthy.

there’s that Bughead ran away in 2x05 fanfic/gifset that I did…

that one time I made a picspam about a genderbent!Jughead/bi!Betty AU. I still have around 1.5k written for this one shot. alas, it’s not finished. it even has Jugs Jones fancast as young!Winona Ryder. :/

I hope this helped. D:

[imagine-darksiders]

Muria x florist!reader

This may be the worst thing I’ve written. :I

-----------

5 years after humanity’s resurrection... . .. . . 

The bell above your shop door tinkles and you wave a quick goodbye to the old gentleman as he staggers slowly past the glass window, bouquet for his wife in hand. 

With a quiet sigh of relief, you slump against the front desk and smile. The clock had rolled around to five in the afternoon, signalling the end of a long, tiring day.  Glad to finally be closing up, you turn to your till and start adding up the total for the day, ready to get back home and put your feet up. 

You’d’ve never guessed that your mother’s flower business would look so appealing after humanity had been returned to Earth, but as it turned out, the apocalypse had drastically affected local fauna. On the whole, nature had thrived in the absence of humans. The stronger breed of trees all but swept over the cities and towns, toppling concrete infrastructure and infesting the old buildings and skyscrapers with their broad trunks breaking through the floors and crashing up through the ceilings. It was beautiful, in a way, to see nature take back what it had lost. But some plants weren't so lucky. 

Flowers had suffered immensely, especially without people to properly care for the more domestic species or those that required a lot of upkeep. Even wildflowers hadn’t seen room to grow in the new heat of the city, generated by the rivers of lava that now flow beneath the streets. As a result of the lack of flowers, florists were suddenly in high demand. So you saw the opportunity and seized it. 

Turns out, people will always want flowers. 

Not five minutes after you’d begun to tidy up the shop, there comes a soft knock on the glass door. You can’t quite keep the groan from trickling up your throat before turning around, ready to tell the tardy shopper that they’ll have to try again in the morning. To your pleasant surprise, it’s Tom; one of the drivers who delivers your goods. You’d all but given up on him actually getting the next shipment of flowers to you on time, for a change. Although he’s nice enough, Tom tends to be unreliable. The burly truck driver motions for you to open the door, to which you give him a ‘keep your hair on’ motion and unlock it for him. 

“Bout time,” you grin, only half teasing. 

Tom huffs, straightening his newsboy cap. “Yeah, you know how traffic is around here. I unloaded your stuff for you, s’round the back of the shop.”

Grunting your thanks, you bid him a good night and head back through your shop to the small, walled garden at the back, where you keep most of your stock before moving it into the storage room above your shop. 

You shake your head upon seeing that Tom has essentially dumped the flowers down in a messy heap against the back wall. With a heavy sigh, you drop to your knees beside them and gather up an armful, carefully standing again and raising your head to the bright blue sky. The height of summer has hit once again, bathing the world in much missed sunlight and warmth. After the cold, darkness of the grave, you’ve learnt not to take the light for granted. So when you suddenly find yourself cast in a large shadow, the shiver that rockets through you is not unlike one you’d feel if someone walked over your grave. 

Spinning on your heel, you drop the flowers and let out a loud yelp of fright as your eyes land upon the caster of the shadow and your mouth drops open so sharply, you’re sure you may have accidentally dislocated your jaw. 

Standing high above you, having hardly made a sound at all despite it’s size, is one of those makers. They’re an old species of giant craftsmen who’ve only recently made themselves know to humankind. First contact had been - surprisingly - peaceful. Though tragically few in number, they’d still come together to aid humans in the rebuilding of Earth. As far as you know, they’re friendly enough, but you’ve never actually seen one yourself. Even so, you’re able to identify this one as a maker by its sheer size alone. 

Or rather, her sheer size. 

Shielding your eyes against the sun that burns down above her head, you notice that this maker is distinctly feminine. Thick, silver hair, soft as spun silk cascades down over her broad shoulders, curling gently at the tips with a heavy braid hanging to her waist. Tangled into the side of the locks, you can make out a strange but beautiful blue flower. Her dress is faded teal, similar to the shade of her hair accessory and it hangs low so as to sweep elegantly along the ground when she walks.. The line of her full lips is curved into a soft, easy smile, but perhaps the most distinctive thing about this maker is the stripe of azure cloth that’s wrapped around her head, completely obscuring her eyes from view. A spark of curiosity compels you to wonder what her eyes look like beneath it. 

Embarrassingly, you flinch violently when her mouth opens to speak, but then you find that her voice is not the loud, authoritative one you expected from a creature who commands such obvious power. 

“My apologies, human. Frightening you was not my intent,” she offers, shifting so that her weight is resting on the impressive tree-trunk of a staff in her hand, “My name is Muria. Are you alright?” She stoops to the ground and feels around for the dropped flowers, finding them then delicately plucking them up between her broad fingers to hold out to you. 

Functioning solely on autopilot, you take them back and try to think of something to say. To your dismay however, instead of offering anything eloquent to the conversation, you blurt out, “Y-you’re a maker!” 

Muria inclines head, standing back up to her full height and the smile that plays on her lips grows wider. “Is that so? Well I suppose I’ll just have to take you at your word.” Her disarmingly charming grin is proof that she’s amused, not offended, but you still feel horrified that you’d just insulted her.

“I am so sorry! I...Wait, are you blind?” you breathe. 

That gets her to gush out a soft laugh as she brushes a finger over the cloth on her eyes. “Were I not, then this would be a poor choice of headgear.”

“I...I think I should probably just stop talking,” you huff breathlessly, carding your fingers through your hair.

The maker frowns a little and tilts her head to the side, giving the distinct impression that she’s regarding you despite her blindness. “Oh, please don’t,” she falters, “Frankly I find your manner quite refreshing. And I’ve so been hoping to speak with a fellow shaman.” 

“Fellow shaman? Me?” 

She nods so enthusiastically that you almost hate to have to disappoint her. 

“But- but I’m Y/n, a- a florist! I’m not a shaman,” you explain, gesturing to the flowers but grimacing when you remember that she can’t see.

Confusion draws the maker’s head back. “Oh? But there is so much life growing around you, from the soil, from your finger tips - there are slivers of magic in the earth even here....” 

“Well, I’m pretty sure humans can’t do magic,” you scratch at the back of your neck, “unless you count magicians, of course... Sorry to disappoint.” 

Immediately, Muria waves aside your apology with a shake of her head. “No, no, no. Not disappointing, just...surprising. I merely assumed....” She pulls the white braid through her fingers, humming. “A florist, then? I admit, I haven’t heard the term before.” 

You’re dumbfounded, certain that once she’d learned you weren’t what she thought, she’d lose interest and be on her way. But here she is, opening the way for a conversation and smiling politely down at you, waiting for you to elaborate on your profession. 

“A...well, a florist is just someone who arranges and sells flowers,” you shrug, “Much less exciting than a shaman, I imagine... “

Apparently, Muria disagrees, for she sighs wistfully, nostrils flaring to take in the myriad of smells around her. “What a marvellous line of work to find yourself in.” 

Shuffling awkwardly on your feet, you duck your head and peer up at her, asking, “Um, sorry. Not to sound rude but...What are you, like, doing here? And more to the point; how did you even get here?”

Muria turns her great head down in your direction again and pouts thoughtfully. “Curiosity drew me here, I suppose. Regrettably, I have never journeyed to your world before. Karn - one of our youngest - has visited many times, and upon his return to our village, he told me that he thought I would appreciate the splendour of Earth’s beauty. So, I came through the portal and arrived not far from here, actually. I followed the whispering trees, listened to the thrumming of life, and here I find myself, standing in your home.” You jump when the maker gasps lightly upon recalling that most creatures don't tend to appreciate a trespasser. “I hope you’ll forgive the intrusion, but I couldn’t stay away. I’ve never smelled anything quite so wonderful, and I have lived a very long time.” 

“Oh come on now,” you grin, feeling more at ease thanks to the maker’s gentle mannerisms, “you can’t have lived that long. You don’t look a day over thirty.” 

Perhaps that had been too casual, but it causes her to let out a dainty laugh and cover her mouth with a hand, tutting playfully at you. “Ah, the infamous human charm. I’ve heard much about it from the forge sister.” Without warning, Muria drops gracefully onto a knee, sending a tiny shudder through the earth before she places her staff aside and leans down until your faces have a mere foot between them. Cautious of the new proximity, you’d’ve backed away, were it not for the fence at your back, forcing you instead to gulp and stare up at the maker with wary eyes. “Uh, Mar-Muria? What’re you doing?” 

Movement to your right catches your attention. You snap towards it and gasp upon seeing her long, decoratively bejewelled fingers reaching slowly towards your face. But sensing your unease, Muria quietly draws her hand back. “Ah, forgive me. As I said; curiosity...” You notice that she hasn’t removed her hand completely. 

Pressed awkwardly back into the wooden fence, you notice the heat emanating from her body, or maybe it’s your full-body blush from being so close to such an imposing being. The maker, oblivious to your rising temperature, continues. “I simply wish to put a name to a face. May I?” Both hands appear at either of your cheeks, tentatively hovering near you as Muria patiently waits for permission to proceed. Hesitantly, trying to convince yourself that this could simply be common occurrence in her culture and there’s no reason for you to be so weird about it, you nod, mentally smack yourself, then finally say, “Sure, go ahead.”  

Exhaling warmly through her nose, the maker smiles, touching her fingertips to your cheeks and delicately tracing them across your features. It’s an intimate, breathtaking occurrence, one that you wouldn’t have imagined in your wildest daydreams. There’s an overwhelming scent of strange earth lingering on her hands, not unpleasant, in fact it’s almost intoxicating, especially when she brushes her thumb over your top lip and you catch a strong whiff of something that smells a lot like jasmine. It’s worth mentioning that there is also a sense of trepidation, with your head held between two gigantic hands that could snap closed at any second and crush you. One slip and you’d be a goner. The thought is enough to send a shiver rocketing through your body and goosebumps leap from your skin beneath Muria’s fingers, a natural reaction that doesn’t go unnoticed by the maker. Beneath her mask, you can still see her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. 

“Oh!” she gasps softly, turning her head to the side in concentration as she feels along the line of your cheek bones, “Your face, it's changing! Are you alright?” The shock in her voice urges you to reassure her, almost resulting in you dropping your bundle of flowers when you try to bring up your arms to pat her hands. Falteringly, you clutch the flowers in one fist and use the other to grab the blue ring on her index finger when she goes to pull her hand away.

“Oh don't worry, it's just goosebumps!” you chuckle nervously. Muria pauses, allowing you to keep her hand in place with your relatively tiny fingers and she tests the foreign word on her tongue.

“Goose...bumps?”

Quizzically, you match the confused expression on her face. “Makers don't get goosebumps? They're like these little bumps that raise under your skin when we get cold or-” You cast a quick glance up at the late summer sun, then down at your thin shirt and loose cargo shorts “-Or...cold..”

There's no way you're admitting that her closeness is the true cause of the wretched little things.

Miraculously, Muria seems to be far too distracted by your biology to notice the awkward repeat. Hesitantly, her hands return to the sides of your face, making you tense up again, eyes wide as saucers.

“Remarkable,” she breathes, “truly remarkable.” A few strands of her silvery hair flutter in the gentle breeze, catching the sunlight as they tickle against your neck. “I'd no idea humans have such changeable states! Much like life itself, I suppose.” With a final sweep of her thumbs across your closed eyes, the maker sighs wistfully, pulls away and takes hold of her staff, bathing you in sunlight once more as she stands up to her full height. Unintentionally, you slump back against the fence and release a noisy breath before fixing the smiling maker with an inquisitive eye. “So uh,” you cough, pushing yourself upright, “H-how do I look?”

She purses her lips and hums thoughtfully for a long moment, long enough to cause you to fidget and fiddle with the flowers in your hand, wondering why it matters to you so much how you appear to her.

At last, Muria's mouth pats in a genuine grin, showing off a pair of sharp tusks that protrude from her lower jaw. “Resplendent,” she declares smokily.

“I – Uh – Wow.” Your stammered reply draws a fond chuckle from her throat. “Um, Muria? I hate to tell you, but I think your hands might be broken.”

“And modest too,” she observes, “I assure you my hands are functioning perfectly. But-” Casting her head around elegantly, she turns it to the side, listening. “- I can see I've taken up enough of your time this evening.” She turns fully, guiding herself towards the front of the garden with her staff, but continues talking, prompting you to jog alongside her to keep up. “I must return to home, but before I do....”

You almost collide with her when she suddenly draws to a halt and shifts to look down. “I wonder if I might ask a favour of you?”

“Sure!” you chirp, windmilling to stop yourself from falling forwards into the maker's leg, “How can I help?”

Muria smiles and inclines her head gratefully. “I've been wanting to introduce some earthen plants to my garden, but I'm afraid their biological needs aren't something I'm familiar with....” Trailing off, she leans heavily against the staff, a question lingering on her lips. She looks a little reluctant to voice it, but after a moment of mulling it over, nods and straightens up again. 

“I know this may be a bit much to ask of you, but would you be willing to teach me?”

“I-What?”

“Well it's just doesn't seem like dumb luck that I came across you today. You surround yourself with life and they thrive in your presence. I’ve a feeling that you have a lot to teach me about earthen plant-life.”

You shake your head, astounded. “But, didn't you say you're a shaman? Aren't you like...the expert on plants and stuff?”

“Certainly not on those of another realm. On my own world, perhaps. Though I wouldn't boast 'expert.”

“Now who's being modest?”

The maker's mouth falls open, a soft 'oh' escaping before she turns a smirk down at you. “I can tell we're going to be fast friends, you and I.”

You can't deny the surge of elation and secret pride that hits you at that. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think I would benefit from your tutelage,” she continues, “and I would, of course, compensate you for your time.”

Huffing incredulously, you shake your head and absentmindedly reach out to pat the maker’s wooden staff. “Please, don’t worry about compensation. I’m happy enough to help.” 

“You are?” she asks hopefully. 

Shrugging, you stuff your hands into the pockets of your shorts. “Course! S’not every day a maker stumbles into my garden and strikes up a conversation. Besides, I’m liking the whole ‘fast friends’ idea..” Seeing no harm in it, you send Muria a private wink, safe in the knowledge that she won't have caught it. Although you’re sure there’s no way she could have seen it, the maker raises a hand to her cheek, the beginnings of a rosy blush suddenly blossoming over it. With a cough, Muria bows her head and chirps, “Well then, Y/n the florist, I shall be seeing you again soon.” 

You watch as the maker steps easily over the fence out onto the road, her dress trailing prettily in her wake before you get the notion to quickly trot through the gate, stopping in front of her and asking eagerly, “Wait, uh...How soon is soon?” 

Gliding to a halt, she appears to consider you for a moment, a surprised but pleased smile flitting across her features. “Within the next few days, I suppose. Is that convenient?” 

“Sure! Of course! I mean, I live where I work, so I’ll pretty much be here all day....every day.” You trail off into nervous laughter and scratch at your nose whilst she nods. 

"I look forward to it.” 

“Yeah, me too..” 

There’s a beat of silence in which the two of you just bask in the other’s presence. In the quiet, something unspoken lingers, a familiarity as old and comforting as a fond memory from your childhood. Perhaps its the common ground you have, being a florist yourself, an infantile profession in comparison to raising life being Muria’s whole raison d’être. 

With a final bow of her head, she turns about with a flourish of her robes, striking her staff against the hard concrete of the road and meanders off, picking her way between gawking bystanders and parked cars until she disappears behind the cottage at the end of the street. 

You stare after her, a light of excitement glimmering in your stomach. A shaman literally a millennia years your senior has asked you to be her teacher, something you’d never think you’re qualified for even if you live to be a hundred.

Holding the flowers you’d dropped close to your chest, you take them with you upstairs, placing them lovingly into a vase on the windowsill and staring out of it with a blissful sigh. 

[evalocity]

Kind of game that isn’t one but anyway

I basically dared my bae Ria to answer a whole ask game so she dared me to do the same and that’s why this post was made x)) @itsmhayward ily xxx

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

On April 20th exactly. 

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

I want to know if my dreams (like of career and life) will become reality.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Becoming an actual good person. Believe me you don’t want to meet 13-14 years old me .-.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Tonight as I was working for my parents’s company with this suuuper nice guy which is the soulmate™

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

Yup. I would drop cegep (oh gosh yes), I would try to meet my tumblr friends at least once, and I’m so doing a road trip in South Korea. I would also spend each days trying to make peace with myself and will message all of my closest tumblr mutuals and irl friends to let them know how much I love them.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Go to South Korea. Go to South Korea. Go to South Korea (Yes, I’m obsessed.)

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

He’s a christian martyr. He’s awesome. He’s been there for me all my life. His quotes are savage and soo true. He must be freaking done with my shit by now but I’m pretty sure he still loves me. I scare people when I say I love him cause they think I’m a crazy extremist. But if only they knew my headcanons about him and God (he has a crush on Satan I’m 100% sure), they would understand that guy himself will send me to hell. 

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Until I was 8 years old yes ! My last happy times were my trip to Japan, then I was sexually assaulted and bullied and changed schools and became antisocial as I was homeschooled and shit went down. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

I cried in front of my parents when they confronted me on my career plans cause I was too stressed out (they were nice btw I’m just nervous 24/7)

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Hot guy that worked with me this weekend. He loves astronomy, so do I, he’s bae, like let’s do this. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Yes I would, I mean it depends on the situation and stuff, but I can imagine opening up to a stranger, human to human.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

I’m pretty sure it was with like one of my irl friends, he told me he liked me and it got awkward so I went so sleep #woops

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

I would tell my mom that I lover her and my dad very much. 

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

Beautiful like any other color tbh

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“And know that I am with you always; yes, to the end of time.” - Jesus It basically means that I know the babe has to deal with my shit just as much as I do and it makes me feel less alone. 

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“Trashy, messy, life of a wifey” I’m Orion’s wifey so I guess it counts right ? I just needed a rhyme :( 

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Part charity, part for my parents so I know they’ll be okay when they are old, part me so I can do whatever I want, part bank so I can save some and I would pay a trip for my friends. 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I’m quite forgiving with my friends but there’s a line that if you cross it, you and I are done (mainly betrayal like idk why but people LOVE betraying me). I always give second chances but once that’s done I have no pity for you anymore and will not care. I like being this way tbh

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dear Élo, 

You just started high school ! It’s such a new world after homeschool isn’t it ? Try being nice with everyone, do NOT carry that heavy schoolbag on your back okay you don’t want a scoliosis, don’t befriend Delphine like omg babe don’t, don’t be mean to that boy ? I know you think it’s only a game but tbh it so wasn’t. Try getting dance and singing lessons ! Don’t participate to that school play like it wasn’t bad but wow we could’ve done so much better with our time rip x) Over all you’ll have fun :) Just keep your beautiful smile and work hard xx

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Punk. Punk all the way. I tried to be pastel and it didn’t suit me that much.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

Both can be super hot (#hotguyatwork) but I’m only interested in having my ears pierced in a lot of places, not really anywhere.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Nope I don’t ! I don’t like lipstick cause I’m eating 24/7, I absolutely LOVE eyeshadow and eyeliner on eyes cause the eyes are what I find the prettiest on someone, and thats pretty much it.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

BTS with their AWESOME lyrics that are just so true I’m shook.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

We’re all equals. 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

I’ve never been to a concert rip

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

Hmm idk ? I’m a historian all of my idols are dead x)

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I do, but like it’s a horrible mess so I won’t talk about it xp

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Tumblr, writing, chocolate, milk, bath, sleep. Eeevery time.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I’d dye it in red and would have really straight hair. I’m “Punk” so yolo huh.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

I’m choosing @jasonblossomsghost​ @itsmhayward​ @sugasugahanihani​ @nottodaygot7​ and I just decided I didn’t give a damn and that we will be 6 cause no way I’m choosing between @chocochims​ and @yooongigi​ I love y’all a LOT and we will go on an excursion to BTS’s dorm which will be quite entertaining and fun :’)) yolo

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

1. Fulfill my Dream™ because hum that’s the Dream™ ?

2. Be able to communicate with God by tumblr texts because omg that would be LIT and I need God’s advice more often and more clearly than with signs

3. Date hot guy idk if he’s my soulmate™ but I need this relationship 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Yeah there’s definitely none. I wanna be Poison Ivy :3 

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Badtripping quite probably. I thought my brain had switched and that I was going to be crazy for the rest of my life while being unable to ask someone to kill me. I thought I would never see my mom again. I felt the information going through my nerves and I had 1000 thoughts/secs which gave me the worst headache. Never agaiiiiiiiin

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Selling my body. Yeah no thanks. 

storms: you only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

This is the worst question ever :( I’ll only listen to Silver Spoon by BTS I think :( But I’ll regret it. Wow rip I really hate this question.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

I literally fell in love tonight (jk, like 50% jk 50% idk but damn) anyway when I think about a future with this person I know I’m in love. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Nah I dont think so. I did a year ago and now I’m team long hair for a while.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I don’t go to Starbucks that much so idk.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

My tumblr friends.

I’m daring the people I tagged in the excursion to do it ! If you don’t it’s fiine :3

[courtneytincher]

Some of Putin’s Top Cops Are Mobsters. Even KGB Vets Are Ashamed.

Michael Klimentyev/RIA Novosti/Kremlin/ReutersMOSCOW—Crime scandals involving Russia’s most powerful law enforcement agency have rocked this capital, exposing some phenomenal corruption at the heart of President Vladimir Putin’s power structure. Ranking officers of the Federal Security Service, known as the FSB, are allegedly involved, as are members of some of its most elite units. In April, authorities arrested three officials from the FSB’s Department K, which deals with economic crimes and financial counterintelligence. Kirill Cherkalin, the former head of the unit, and Andrey Vasilyev and Dmitry Frolov, his associates, were jailed on suspicion they took huge bribes from banks and other commerce they were supposed to supervise. A video purported to show the equivalent of $185.5 million being hauled out of Cherkalin’s residence. The initial charge against him involved a single bribe worth $850,000.The Liberation of Ivan Golunov Felt Like a Burst of Freedom in Russia, but Not for LongOne might think those arrests made by the internal affairs division of the FSB would make other criminals in the security force lie low. But no. Others were allegedly robbing banks. Last week RBC, one of Russia’s most respected newspapers, reported the arrests of four FSB agents from the Alfa and Vympel special forces units, and two more from Department K. The number has since grown to 15 suspects, according to press reports. But the FSB has confirmed only two arrests.While supposedly conducting legitimate searches, or shepherding shipments of currency, the accused are supposed to have removed the heavy ballistic plates from their bullet-proof vests and stuffed them with money instead, but such details have not been confirmed officially.There must be massive turmoil in the depths of the gloomy FSB headquarters, the nerve center of Russia’s police power located just across Lubyanka Square from the buildings of the Kremlin’s administrative offices. All of Russia’s leading newspapers reported that Instead of providing security, FSB agents robbed the Metallurg Bank, reportedly controlled by a former officer in Military Intelligence (the GRU) named Yury Karasev. If true, that’s an interesting wrinkle since the FSB and GRU are rival secret services.Moscovskij Komsomolets, a newspaper with a circulation approaching one million copies, says in its Friday report: “Generals of the special services were shocked to hear about the arrests of FSB agents accused of a bank robbery on Ivan Babushkin Street and of stealing 140 million rubles ($2.2 million.)” Veteran agents of the Soviet KGB, the predecessor of the FSB, said they were disgusted by the scandal.“This is the first time in the entire history of the Russian secret police when we see the triumph of greed that surpasses greed—so many officers of elite departments committing crimes,” retired Maj. Gen. Aleksei Kandaurov told The Daily Beast. “The FSB is not a security service any longer, it has changed its status completely: it is now a service that enforces Putin’s rule, and in exchange abuses its authority for purposes of enrichment.”Gen. Kandaurov remembers the last days of the KGB, which had an infamous heritage dating back to the Cheka at the time of the revolution, and the NKVD under Joseph Stalin. As the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991 there was popular rage against the Communist regime’s symbols and its obsession with secrecy, but the officers of the KGB—among them one Vladimir Putin—saw themselves as defenders of a regime and indeed an empire that they had served all their lives. They worked on fixed salaries.On the night of August, 22, 1991, Kandaurov watched from the window of his office as thousands of protesters demanded the removal of the statue of Feliks Dzerzhinsky, the Bolshevik leader Vladmir Lenin appointed to be the director of the All-Russia Extraordinary Commission to Combat Counter-revolution and Sabotage (Cheka). Dzerzhinsky is seen as the symbol of the Bolseviks’ political repressions and mass killings. “We represent in ourselves organized terror—this must be said very clearly,” Dzerzhinsky proclaimed during the period known as the Red Terror that began in 1918.The modern state security agency, FSB, has been reviving the memory of Dzerzhinsky just as Putin has burnished the reputation of Joseph Stalin. Today many officials hang portraits of the secret police founder on their walls. In 2017 the agency celebrated the 100th anniversary of Cheka-NKVD-KGB-FSB, as a proud successor. But veterans see the current organization as an inglorious pretender to the fame of the older ones.“FSB agents should stop hiding behind the KGB reputation, behind Dzerzhinsky. If he were alive, he would have executed most of these corrupt officers as his ideological enemies,” Kandaurov told The Daily Beast.  When the KGB Wanted You Dead, This Is How They Killed YouRussia has glorified “Alfa” and “Vympel” as legendary, heroic special operators who saw service in the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan during the 1980s and many other more secretive theaters. At the Balashikha Cemetery near Moscow there are sad rows of tombstones where each is marked with an “A” or “V” for the soldiers of these units who gave their lives rescuing hostages during the Beslan school siege in September 2004. In the past few years Russian special operators have died anonymously in secret operations in Ukraine.“Today’s thugs in the special forces put shame on all the past heroes,” a retired KGB officer and corruption fighter, Gennady Gudkov, told The Daily Beast. “The FSB violates its authority for ‘operative activities,’ which was given to them to stop transactions for terrorism or drug deals. Now a group of elite FSB and special forces units used their authority to rob a bank; but the bank informed Moscow police investigators and the organized criminal group was arrested.”A channel on the Telegram messaging service covering the latest news about Russian gangsters, oligarchs and bureaucrats, said on Monday that authorities fired the head of Moscow’s FSB Directorate, Alexey Dorofeyev.Last month police tried to stop an investigation by a Medusa Project reporter, Ivan Golunov, into Dorofeyev’s links to a corrupt funeral business. After spending months researching figures and beneficiaries of the funeral industry, Golunov discovered some links connecting shadowy figures and senior FSB officers. But somebody decided to stop the reporter from publishing: police planted drugs on Golunov and kept him behind bars for five days, while thousands of people joined protests in support of the journalist.Russian veterans of secret services gossip about three “towers” of FSB power: the richest one is allegedly supported by the almighty Putin’s ally, Igor Sechin, the head of the vast Rosneft energy company; the second one also enjoys enormous financial resources and is backed by another of Putin’s long-time friends, Sergey Chemizov, the head of the Russian arms export agency; the third, the weakest financially, nonetheless has the best network of secret agents and is backed by the head of the Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR), Sergey Naryshkin. Some see a connection between these rivalries and the revelations about high-level criminality.“It feels like everything is falling down,” a major general of the FSB reserve, Alexander Mikhailov, told reporters last week. “I want to tell you that all the old employees are shocked by what is happening. During my entire service in the Moscow KGB, and I worked there for 20 years, there were only three criminal cases.”“None of the people from the old guard understands where that number of criminals in the system came from,” said Mikhailov. “It is also disturbing that today we are confronted with the widest range of units that are involved in criminal activity. We repair it in one spot and it breaks down in another one.”There are no checks and balances at FSB management, Gudkov pointed out. “The Soviet KGB was massively repressive, you can blame that service for anything, but not for corruption. The worst we could hear about was a colleague sleeping with somebody’s wife or some secret agent bringing a pair of sneakers for a colleague from abroad—that was already a big enough scandal to write a report,” Gudkov remembered. “Even in our worst nightmare we could not imagine officers stealing millions of dollars, robbing banks. What will we hear next? The Russian Federal Security Service robbing the Kremlin’s treasury or the Central Bank’s reserves?”  Read more at The Daily Beast.Get our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines

Michael Klimentyev/RIA Novosti/Kremlin/ReutersMOSCOW—Crime scandals involving Russia’s most powerful law enforcement agency have rocked this capital, exposing some phenomenal corruption at the heart of President Vladimir Putin’s power structure. Ranking officers of the Federal Security Service, known as the FSB, are allegedly involved, as are members of some of its most elite units. In April, authorities arrested three officials from the FSB’s Department K, which deals with economic crimes and financial counterintelligence. Kirill Cherkalin, the former head of the unit, and Andrey Vasilyev and Dmitry Frolov, his associates, were jailed on suspicion they took huge bribes from banks and other commerce they were supposed to supervise. A video purported to show the equivalent of $185.5 million being hauled out of Cherkalin’s residence. The initial charge against him involved a single bribe worth $850,000.The Liberation of Ivan Golunov Felt Like a Burst of Freedom in Russia, but Not for LongOne might think those arrests made by the internal affairs division of the FSB would make other criminals in the security force lie low. But no. Others were allegedly robbing banks. Last week RBC, one of Russia’s most respected newspapers, reported the arrests of four FSB agents from the Alfa and Vympel special forces units, and two more from Department K. The number has since grown to 15 suspects, according to press reports. But the FSB has confirmed only two arrests.While supposedly conducting legitimate searches, or shepherding shipments of currency, the accused are supposed to have removed the heavy ballistic plates from their bullet-proof vests and stuffed them with money instead, but such details have not been confirmed officially.There must be massive turmoil in the depths of the gloomy FSB headquarters, the nerve center of Russia’s police power located just across Lubyanka Square from the buildings of the Kremlin’s administrative offices. All of Russia’s leading newspapers reported that Instead of providing security, FSB agents robbed the Metallurg Bank, reportedly controlled by a former officer in Military Intelligence (the GRU) named Yury Karasev. If true, that’s an interesting wrinkle since the FSB and GRU are rival secret services.Moscovskij Komsomolets, a newspaper with a circulation approaching one million copies, says in its Friday report: “Generals of the special services were shocked to hear about the arrests of FSB agents accused of a bank robbery on Ivan Babushkin Street and of stealing 140 million rubles ($2.2 million.)” Veteran agents of the Soviet KGB, the predecessor of the FSB, said they were disgusted by the scandal.“This is the first time in the entire history of the Russian secret police when we see the triumph of greed that surpasses greed—so many officers of elite departments committing crimes,” retired Maj. Gen. Aleksei Kandaurov told The Daily Beast. “The FSB is not a security service any longer, it has changed its status completely: it is now a service that enforces Putin’s rule, and in exchange abuses its authority for purposes of enrichment.”Gen. Kandaurov remembers the last days of the KGB, which had an infamous heritage dating back to the Cheka at the time of the revolution, and the NKVD under Joseph Stalin. As the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991 there was popular rage against the Communist regime’s symbols and its obsession with secrecy, but the officers of the KGB—among them one Vladimir Putin—saw themselves as defenders of a regime and indeed an empire that they had served all their lives. They worked on fixed salaries.On the night of August, 22, 1991, Kandaurov watched from the window of his office as thousands of protesters demanded the removal of the statue of Feliks Dzerzhinsky, the Bolshevik leader Vladmir Lenin appointed to be the director of the All-Russia Extraordinary Commission to Combat Counter-revolution and Sabotage (Cheka). Dzerzhinsky is seen as the symbol of the Bolseviks’ political repressions and mass killings. “We represent in ourselves organized terror—this must be said very clearly,” Dzerzhinsky proclaimed during the period known as the Red Terror that began in 1918.The modern state security agency, FSB, has been reviving the memory of Dzerzhinsky just as Putin has burnished the reputation of Joseph Stalin. Today many officials hang portraits of the secret police founder on their walls. In 2017 the agency celebrated the 100th anniversary of Cheka-NKVD-KGB-FSB, as a proud successor. But veterans see the current organization as an inglorious pretender to the fame of the older ones.“FSB agents should stop hiding behind the KGB reputation, behind Dzerzhinsky. If he were alive, he would have executed most of these corrupt officers as his ideological enemies,” Kandaurov told The Daily Beast.  When the KGB Wanted You Dead, This Is How They Killed YouRussia has glorified “Alfa” and “Vympel” as legendary, heroic special operators who saw service in the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan during the 1980s and many other more secretive theaters. At the Balashikha Cemetery near Moscow there are sad rows of tombstones where each is marked with an “A” or “V” for the soldiers of these units who gave their lives rescuing hostages during the Beslan school siege in September 2004. In the past few years Russian special operators have died anonymously in secret operations in Ukraine.“Today’s thugs in the special forces put shame on all the past heroes,” a retired KGB officer and corruption fighter, Gennady Gudkov, told The Daily Beast. “The FSB violates its authority for ‘operative activities,’ which was given to them to stop transactions for terrorism or drug deals. Now a group of elite FSB and special forces units used their authority to rob a bank; but the bank informed Moscow police investigators and the organized criminal group was arrested.”A channel on the Telegram messaging service covering the latest news about Russian gangsters, oligarchs and bureaucrats, said on Monday that authorities fired the head of Moscow’s FSB Directorate, Alexey Dorofeyev.Last month police tried to stop an investigation by a Medusa Project reporter, Ivan Golunov, into Dorofeyev’s links to a corrupt funeral business. After spending months researching figures and beneficiaries of the funeral industry, Golunov discovered some links connecting shadowy figures and senior FSB officers. But somebody decided to stop the reporter from publishing: police planted drugs on Golunov and kept him behind bars for five days, while thousands of people joined protests in support of the journalist.Russian veterans of secret services gossip about three “towers” of FSB power: the richest one is allegedly supported by the almighty Putin’s ally, Igor Sechin, the head of the vast Rosneft energy company; the second one also enjoys enormous financial resources and is backed by another of Putin’s long-time friends, Sergey Chemizov, the head of the Russian arms export agency; the third, the weakest financially, nonetheless has the best network of secret agents and is backed by the head of the Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR), Sergey Naryshkin. Some see a connection between these rivalries and the revelations about high-level criminality.“It feels like everything is falling down,” a major general of the FSB reserve, Alexander Mikhailov, told reporters last week. “I want to tell you that all the old employees are shocked by what is happening. During my entire service in the Moscow KGB, and I worked there for 20 years, there were only three criminal cases.”“None of the people from the old guard understands where that number of criminals in the system came from,” said Mikhailov. “It is also disturbing that today we are confronted with the widest range of units that are involved in criminal activity. We repair it in one spot and it breaks down in another one.”There are no checks and balances at FSB management, Gudkov pointed out. “The Soviet KGB was massively repressive, you can blame that service for anything, but not for corruption. The worst we could hear about was a colleague sleeping with somebody’s wife or some secret agent bringing a pair of sneakers for a colleague from abroad—that was already a big enough scandal to write a report,” Gudkov remembered. “Even in our worst nightmare we could not imagine officers stealing millions of dollars, robbing banks. What will we hear next? The Russian Federal Security Service robbing the Kremlin’s treasury or the Central Bank’s reserves?”  Read more at The Daily Beast.Get our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.

July 10, 2019 at 09:35AM via IFTTT

[socialattractionuk]

Women tell us all the worst ways they have been chatted up

(Picture: Erin Aniker for Metro.co.uk)

In the movies, being approached by an infatuated stranger is the very pinnacle of excitement and romance.

Maybe your eyes lock across a crowded room. The sparks are instant. The chat up lines are sincere, heart-felt and adorable. You’re probably about to fall deeply in love.

Unfortunately, in real life, this is rarely how it goes.

Being hit on by a stranger is a total minefield that swings from the cringey and the bizarre to the downright offensive and, on occassion, the threatening.

It’s weird that we have romanticised this notion of being accosted on the street by a stranger and demanded to supply them with smiles, attention and even a phone number.

Even though we owe these strangers nothing, there is an unspoken power dynamic that requires us to play the game, appear flattered, give out a fake number if we need to.

Every woman is aware of how outright rejection can turn things hostile in the blink of an eye.

There is an art to the unsolicited chat up line. And so few people get it right. We asked women to tell us the very worst ways they have been chatted up – and we don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Michelle

‘A guy once said to me; “when you walked in the room, I saw your arse and thought – yes I could do that. Then I saw your face and thought – I could definitely do that.”‘

Andrea

‘A hospital porter who looked like Danny Devito kept mopping past me and grinning profusely, all while I was waiting for my gynaecologist appointment.’

‘After five minutes of tactical mopping, he shyly whispered: “You smell and remind me of summer.”‘

Jordana

‘I was in a bar, coming out of the toilet when I felt someone put their arms around me from behind. It was so intimate that I thought it must be my boyfriend and turned around for a kiss.

‘I was utterly horrified to discover it was some random guy I had never seen before. I then watched him do the same to two other women.

‘I always find getting chatted up on public transport really awkward too – because there’s no escape.

‘I have been on trains with groups of boys, one will come over and try to chat to you while the rest of the group are laughing behind him and egging him on – that always feels horrible.’

Becky

‘I find that taxi drivers hitting on me is one of the worst things,

‘One guy spent the whole journey telling me that if he was single he would marry me and then asked if it would be OK for him to text me after the journey. To which I said no, and reported him.

‘Last weekend a guy was flirting so hard with me at the bar – he bought me a shot of tequila and repeatedly told me how beautiful I was, that he had never seen anyone as beautiful as me.

‘So far, so good.

‘Then he says, “oh, this is my girlfriend!” I genuinely thought he was joking, but then he grabs this tiny brunette girl and then they are both just there grinning at me.

‘I downed my tequila and backed the hell away from that weirdness.’

(Picture: MMUFFIN for Metro.co.uk)

Sonya

‘Once I got told I look “too exotic” to be British. I think he thought it came out of his mouth like a compliment.

‘Another time, this guy literally followed me for 20 minutes – I was driving my car, he was driving his, all he could see was my eyes from my car mirror.

‘He followed me to where I was having lunch with family, stopped next to me, got out and gave me his number.’

Narjas

‘I was walking home from the station when a guy did a u-turn in the road, drew up next to me, opened his door and asked me if he could give me a lift home because he thought I was beautiful.’

Jo

‘I was followed by two men in a van once who waved cash out the window. I think that might have been a different sort of proposition…’

Anna

‘When I was on the underground in New York, a man moved so that he could sit next to me.

‘His opening line was; “do you know why koalas eat eucalyptus?”

‘I said no.

‘He said, “to get high, I’m David.’

Mara

‘Once I was at a train station, waiting for my train. A guy comes up to me, tries talking to me and tells me I’m pretty and that I look like his sister and his cousin.

‘Then he asks for my number.’

Sam

‘A particularly creepy incident was when I was thinking that a guy was stood really, really close to me – and it turns out he was sniffing me.

‘My hair did smell good that day, but that is really, really not the way to get me to talk to you.’

Josie

‘I once got told in a club that I had very pretty feet.

‘It was really creepy and I have never gone clubbing in strappy heals again.’

Ria

‘I was in Oceana in Kingston a few years ago. A guy said “hi” to me, or something vaguely normal like that, and I greeted him back.

‘His literal next move was to shove me up against the wall and put his hand up my skirt. I screamed, obviously.

‘Another time I was at work and there was a cleaner who spent his whole time trying to chat me up and he would stare at me a lot, which I could cope with.

‘But then one time I came back to my desk to find he had left printed out sheets with information about how the brain evolves when you have sex with someone you love.

‘He was watching form the other side of the office to see what my reaction would be.’

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Ellen

‘At my old job there was a guy who worked in the stockroom of the high street store (I worked in the head office).

‘I went over to pick up some samples and sort a delivery, signed a form, and he then looked at my signature to find my name and found me on Facebook.

‘He proceeded to message me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and on my personal email – which was especially creepy as it has my middle name and wasn’t linked to any social media at the time – calling me the girl with the tiny tattoo and asking me why I wouldn’t talk to him.’

Katherine

‘A really strange one was the time a guy told me that my eyes were “really weird” and that they had a yellow circle around the iris.

‘The fact that he had paid such close attention to the minute detail of my eyes was creepy in itself – when had he looked at them that closely? And the use of the word “weird” didn’t go down too well either.

‘It was a very bizarre way of trying to flirt with me. He kept trying to talk to me after that, but as you can imagine, I gave him the cold shoulder.’

Jess

‘A guy I met in a bar once asked for my Instagram as he was new to the UK and I said yes, as he was friendly and genuinely seemed to just want to meet people.

‘However, he then continued to DM me the YouTube link to Jet, Are You Gonna Be My Girl until I had to block him.’

Rosa

‘Some guy who said his name was Daniel was incessantly messaging me on LinkedIn – asking me on dates, telling me he wanted to take me for dinner.

‘He then started endorsing my profile with “skills” like “beauty” and “charming” and “great body” – this went on for weeks! I was terrified his weird endorsements would end up on my profile where people could see them.’

Not very professional Daniel.

Every woman wants something different from a prospective romance – but what we don’t want is pretty resounding.

We don’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe, we don’t want to be followed and we certainly don’t want someone to act as though they are entitled to our time.

Follow these rules and you might have a shot.

MORE: What I Rent: Jess, £625 a month to share a one-bedroom flat in Deptford

MORE: Artist takes vulva prints from people he finds on Tinder

MORE: Dog sex dolls are the pet accessory that will haunt your dreams