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stxphxn-strange · 4 years ago

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spun sugar (written for the ironstrange fanfic challenge)

Summary: He didn’t feel like going out, but he needed a distraction. Nothing would be able to take his mind off of the phone call he was waiting for, the call he knew would never come. Not even a double date to the carnival with Anthony, Hope, and Christine kept him focused today, and he was actually starting to need a distraction from his distraction.

a/n: just a heads up that this fic is on the heavier side of angsty so please be careful and safe! tw: for homophobia/mentioned use of slurs, outing, death (drowning), and family issues, and i think that’s it

Today felt like the world’s longest deja vu episode. It felt like standing in line at a carnival for hours, only to spin endlessly on one of those teacup rides. Everything was an unbreakable cycle of doubt, confusion, anger, and the old familiar self loathing. So for Stephen, it was just Thursday.

She didn’t forget.

She probably forgot!

She didn’t forget. She didn’t call on purpose.

She knows what today is.

She doesn’t want to talk to me.

I don’t want to talk to her either, and yet I still wish she’d call. Maybe then I could pretend that things are sort of okay.

Stephen sighed, completely tuning out his professor. He hadn’t been paying attention all class and wasn’t going to start now. There were more important things to be thinking about, like the nap he was going to take when he got home, or the fact that it was Victor’s birthday.

It was Victor’s birthday, and Stephen wanted to plan some sort of surprise call and later invite his brother to visit him in the city. Eugene immediately took to the idea and offered to help plan it and reach out to more of the family, but there was a catch. Of course Beverly had to be involved in some capacity. Even if she didn’t want to be associated with her older son, her younger one was near and dear to her heart and she wouldn’t hesitate to do anything for him. Except this, apparently, because that would involve speaking to Stephen. The med student didn’t expect to hear back from his mother and truthfully never expected a lot from her generally, but his hopes were still up.

Waste of time. She doesn’t need me.

She doesn’t even want me.

Stephen checked the time again. His lecture would be over in 15 minutes, and the next one started in half an hour. That gave him enough time to grab a coffee and call his dad on the walk across campus, and to make the time pass now he’d organize his inbox.

Most of his messages weren’t surprising (they were mainly just calendar invites and the occasional email from Anthony with an article Stephen might like) or even worth reading, but Stephen was a bit surprised when Eugene called him first. He had a solid relationship with his dad, but it was still unfamiliar for Stephen to have his family approach him first. Usually it went the other way around.

“I was just about to call you,” he said. “What’s going on? Mom never told me when the family call is”

“That’s the bad news,” Eugene replied. “Your mom changed the plan.”

“So she shut me out? Again? Is that what I’m supposed to understand?” Stephen asked, his voice cracking like the thinnest sheet of winter ice under heavy footfalls. “I didn’t do anything.”

Eugene sighed. “I’m sorry.” That was all the confirmation Stephen needed.

“What happened?” He asked. “She would do anything to make Victor happy, even if it means acknowledging me as part of the family.”

“Which you are,” Eugene argued.

“Not according to Mom, and you know that,” Stephen replied. “Please just tell me what happened, my next class starts soon.”

“Your aunt called to wish Victor a happy birthday and then was chatting with your mom about the family, as they do. I think she asked your mom how you were doing and how your love life in school was going, but at that point I wasn’t really listening. You know that your aunt is one of my few in-laws I actually tolerate, maybe even like, and today she proved exactly why. Claudia said something about you, and based on your mom’s reaction it wasn’t what she wanted to hear,” Eugene explained. “She knows you’re gay and is really happy for you, against your mom’s expectations and wishes that she’d be ashamed.”

“That was the first time they’ve talked about my sexuality, right? Because I never came out to her. I assume Maxwell brought it up for some reason because I came out to him years ago. Why he’d bring it up now, I don’t know,” Stephen replied.

“As far as I know, this is the first time Claudia brought it up. I assume if they’d talked about it before, your mother would’ve gotten angry or cut her off. She wasn’t happy today,” Eugene said bluntly. It wouldn’t do any good to sugarcoat the truth when Stephen already knew all of this.

“Great! Mom’s already mad enough at me for coming out and being proud of myself. I bet I ruined her relationship with Aunt Claudia because I blabbed and Maxwell clearly takes after Mom since he outed me for no reason!” Stephen snapped. He took a deep breath, his head spinning. “Sorry for yelling, Dad.”

“I don’t need you to apologize. You have every right to be hurt, for a lot of reasons,” Eugene said. “But to make a long story short, she told me flat out that she wouldn’t be talking to you today and then left for work at the same time she always does.”

“Can I talk to Victor at least? I don’t care if she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I can’t ignore him,” Stephen pleaded. “I can’t not be there for him on his birthday, that’s cruel!”

“I know you want to be there for your brother, it’s okay. That’s the good news and why I called you. Give me a minute,” Eugene replied.

Stephen mumbled some kind of response, slowly but impatiently shifting his weight from side to side. He was thinking about blowing off the rest of his classes for the day, emotional exhaustion overtaking him. He could usually power through things like this, as he was used to his mother steadfastly refusing to accept him. Today she and her hatred actively prevented Stephen from wishing his little brother a happy birthday, and that was too damn much. The fact that his cousin suddenly outed him almost three years after Stephen came out was only making him angrier. Stephen always tried to do the best that he could for his family, especially his younger sibling(s), and was even more protective of Victor in the wake of Donna’s death. All he wanted was to look after everyone he cared about, and his sexuality didn’t negatively affect his protective oldest child instincts. If anything it made them stronger because Stephen always wanted to be an ally for his siblings. He would always stand up for them when they needed.

Sometimes he felt like he failed Donna, despite his best efforts to keep her safe and make her happy. Stephen couldn’t fail Victor and let their mother’s actions come between them. He wouldn’t. He looked at his phone to distract himself, editing his coffee order to include a latte for Anthony. He was usually home around this time and would more than likely appreciate the surprise coffee.

Thinking of his boyfriend, the love of his life and his person, made Stephen smile just enough to prevent him from sobbing in the middle of Starbucks.

Two (2) minutes that felt like an eternity later, Victor came to the phone. “Hello?”

“Happy birthday Vic!” Stephen forced a smile, hoping some cheer could be detected in his voice.

“Thank you,” Victor replied with an emotion that Stephen couldn’t place.

“Sorry I couldn’t be there today or join the family call. I wanted to be part of the call at least, but…”

“It’s okay. I know you care, and I know you wouldn’t forget my birthday just because you’re busy.”

“Right… busy!” Stephen’s laugh was forced. “I would never miss your birthday, and not just because I have a flawless memory.”

“I was just starting to miss you until you said that. Damn shame.”

“Not only is today your birthday, it’s apparently also the start of you acting like the smartass you‘ve grown up to be,” Stephen quipped. Eugene’s noisy laughter could be heard even over the phone.

“I didn’t come into this world as a smartass like you. I had to learn from you, unfortunately,” Victor replied. “And I’m glad to see you’re amused, Dad!”

“I taught you everything I know, and this is how you thank me?” Stephen asked.

The barista called out Stephen’s order.

“Hey I have to get going, but you and Dad should come visit me in New York sometime soon,” Stephen offered.

“That sounds nice, but you can also just call me. Contrary to popular belief I do want to talk to you on days that aren’t holidays,” Victor replied. “But New York sounds fun.”

I wish we could talk whenever, like we used to when I was welcome under her roof.

“I want to go to the city, I’m sick of the neighbors,” Eugene added. “We’ll have to plan a trip, but for now we’ll let you get ready for class.”

“Thanks Dad. Love you both, and I hope you have a great birthday, Vic!” Stephen hung up before they could reply, grabbed his coffees, and dragged his feet the rest of the way home.

++++

Anthony was in the kitchen, serenely flipping through a magazine and eating lunch when Stephen trudged in. He paid no mind to the door opening at first, dipping his grilled cheese into the steaming cup of soup beside him and continuing to peruse the pages.

Stephen smiled fondly at the sight of him, the tiniest bit of joy finding its way to his heart.

“I got you a latte,” Stephen said, setting both drinks on the counter.

Anthony gasped, curiously ignoring the coffee completely and standing up to hug Stephen. “Thank you cuore mio.”

“I figured I’d surprise you since I’m home early,” Stephen replied. He relaxed into the hug, slouching in Anthony’s arms.

“I appreciate that, but I’m much happier to see you. We both left at weird times this morning so we didn’t get to talk and get ready for the day together like we usually do,” Anthony said, a little pout on his face.

“Well we’re both home now, and I’m really tired.” Stephen was beyond tired and beyond annoyed, swaying a bit in Anthony’s arms.

Anthony hugged him closer and tighter to steady him. “Let’s go sit. Did you have lunch?”

“No, I just got coffee and came right home,” Stephen replied.

Anthony handed over the other half of his sandwich. “Take this then, I just made it. There’s tomato soup too, since Bucky made me go to Panera with him earlier.”

Stephen was about to object, stopping himself only when he saw the mirthful light in Anthony’s eyes. “What?”

“I mean I don’t mind either way, but I’m giving this to you so you don’t swipe it from me like the mischievous, overgrown British shorthair you are,” Anthony teased. “You’re not subtle.”

“If I was a cat, we both know I’d be a calico,” Stephen replied.

“I disagree. What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?” Anthony asked.

Stephen shrugged. “I kind of want to nap. Preferably with you, under a blanket, and in front of the fireplace.”

“That sounds nice,” Anthony murmured, reaching up to softly caress Stephen’s cheek. “Let’s go, then.”

As soon as they were settled, Stephen rested his head on Anthony’s shoulder and practically melted into his side.

They made idle chatter and finished their lunch, Stephen glancing at his phone every now and then.

It’s stupid to hope something will change.

He knew his mom wasn’t going to call him, and that still stung no matter how much he tried to move past it. Stephen also knew she wouldn’t ever accept him again, and she’d continue to use his identity against the rest of the family who he loved and who loved him in return. Be it immediate family or the most distant relatives, Beverly was determined to exile him completely, erasing her oldest son from the family story.

Victor probably suffered the most from this, aside from obviously Stephen himself. Contrary to what their mother thought, Victor deserved to talk to whoever he wanted on his birthday, including Stephen. Being the middle child, Victor was the link between cautious Stephen and carefree Donna. The three siblings were incredibly close growing up, and their sister’s death took as much of a toll on Victor as it did on Stephen. Stephen almost left home for good a few days after Donna’s funeral, almost leaving his little brother behind. It was impossible to forget anything about that day.

Stephen knocked on his brother’s door.

“It’s open!” Victor was sitting on the floor building a Lego castle.

Stephen sat on the floor across from him. “This looks really good, Vic!”

“Do you want to help me finish it?” Victor asked.

“I can’t today. I actually came in to tell you that I might be leaving home for a little bit,” Stephen replied. He rested his head on one of his hands.

“When do you leave?” Victor asked, still not looking at him.

“Tonight or early tomorrow. I’m going to New York to help Anthony move,” Stephen said, making up a reason as he finished answering. It was true that he was going to New York to see Anthony, but he couldn’t tell Victor the real reason why. He’d already been through enough the past few days, he didn’t need to know that Stephen and Beverly weren’t on speaking terms as of today. He didn’t need to know that their mother was trying to kick Stephen out.

Victor just sat quietly and nodded, not registering his brother’s distress. “So you have time to help me build then. Can you hand me that brick, please?”

Stephen smiled sadly and obliged.

They were quiet, just working together like nothing was wrong until an overwhelming clamor filled the farmhouse.

“Dad’s home,” Stephen remarked.

“Are he and mom arguing?” Victor asked. “Why?”

Stephen knew why, but he held his tongue and just shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

Victor nodded and went back to building. “Make sure you follow the directions, I want this to be perfect.”

They continued to work diligently, not saying much to each other but listening to the argument from the kitchen. It wasn’t easy to make out what Mr. and Mrs. Strange were saying, but their mutual anger hung in the air long after the conversation ended. The whole house felt different, its welcoming energy replaced with something sinister.

And then someone knocked on the door. “Boys?”

“Hi Dad!” Victor said. “You can come in, Stephen is helping me build the castle set that you gave me!”

Eugene walked in, standing in the doorway and watching his sons work for a minute. “Stephen, can I talk with you for a minute? Sorry to tear you away from your building, but you can finish up later. I also brought home dinner. Victor, go eat with Mom before it gets cold.”

“Cool, thanks Dad!” Victor stepped cautiously over his castle and headed downstairs.

Stephen was still on the floor, Eugene sitting at Victor’s desk. He didn’t know what this conversation was going to be like, and fear made him snatch the first words without giving them much thought.“Dad, I fucked up.”

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t see it that way,” Eugene said.

Stephen had been staring at the carpet until then, looking sharply up at his father. “What?”

“I said I don’t see it that way. You didn’t mess up,” Eugene repeated himself.

“Mom wants me to go,” Stephen mumbled. He hung his head again, looking at the carpet. Victor’s room was the only carpeted one in the house, and no one knew why.

“Your mother also wants me to stop leaving my computer in the dining room since that’s apparently ‘her space,’ but last I checked this is our home and she doesn’t have a monopoly on that room,” Eugene replied.

Stephen was quiet for a minute. “She says it’s not my home. Not anymore, anyway.”

“That’s what we were arguing about,” Eugene said. “I came home from work and she told me what you talked about and how she felt. I don’t agree with her.”

“I wanted to tell you myself,” Stephen muttered. “She had no right to tell you, that’s not what you’re supposed to do!”

Eugene didn’t say anything, unsure of what he could say to make this better.

“I didn’t time this well, I know, and I’m sorry. I should’ve given Mom more time to process losing Donna, and—”

“Stephen, I think your mother would’ve responded the same way if your sister was here. It’s nothing to do with the circumstances and everything to do with her,” Eugene said.

Stephen nodded slowly. “Are you upset with me Dad?”

“No I’m not, and I don’t think you should go,” Eugene replied.

“I probably should, for a few days,” Stephen said. “Anthony’s in New York, and I know I just saw him but I wanted to go visit again before he leaves for boarding school.”

Eugene nodded. “As long as you’re back at least a day before your school year starts.”

“Mom isn’t going to want me to come back, but I don’t want to leave Victor! I can’t abandon him!” Stephen said.

Eugene shook his head. “It’s not up to her. You’re our son, mine and hers equally, and I want you to be home with us while you finish high school. Besides, you and Victor need each other especially now. Your mom isn’t the only one who decides what family means. You are both our sons, and though our family might be a little smaller, we’re still family.” Eugene grabbed a box of tissues from Victor’s desk, handing them to Stephen as he began to cry.

“Thanks Dad.”

“It’s going to be okay. What day are you planning on going to New York?”

“I booked a flight for early tomorrow morning, Ant said anytime in the afternoon he’d be around.”

“And are you going to finally stop pining for each other and tell him how you feel while you’re there?”

“Dad!” Stephen hesitated before continuing. This was unfamiliar territory, discussing his love life with his father. Eugene knew Anthony and could obviously tell how Stephen felt, but it was weird to talk about this. Still, curiosity got the better of him. “Do you think I should?”

To make a long story short, that’s how they ended up here, in the apartment they shared with three of their friends while Anthony repeatedly nudged Stephen with his elbow.

“What do you want?” Stephen muttered, failing to even pretend like he was annoyed.

“Scoot over so I can go to the kitchen!” Anthony said, the slightest hint of a whine in his voice.

Stephen shifted and grumbled a little protest as he stood up.

Anthony smiled and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll be right back, then you can cling to me as much as you want.”

Stephen sighed, half in teasing exasperation, and looked at his phone again. He was staring daggers at it when Anthony returned, letting it go when he was pulled into a hug.

“Did you hear back from her yet? What time is the call?” Anthony asked gently, beginning to stroke Stephen’s hair.

“She hasn’t called yet.” That wasn’t a lie, but Stephen was too upset to give Anthony more details right now.

Anthony hummed, kissing his head again. “She will.”

“I don’t— yeah. She will,” Stephen mumbled. Also not a lie, as he was still clinging to the thinnest shred of hope that his mom would change her mind.

She won’t.

It doesn’t matter how much she loves Victor and values his happiness, I’m dead to her and that’s final.

“How was your day?” Stephen asked, eager if not desperate to change the subject. “Did you present the business plan you were telling me about? How did it go?”

“I did! Honestly it went really well, I wasn’t nervous like I usually am,” Anthony replied.

Stephen yawned. “I’m so happy for you. Every time you practiced presenting it to me, you were amazing.” He was physically and mentally weary, exhaustion dragging him into a midnight blue haze, but he was never too tired to give Anthony the praise he deserved.

“Thank you,” Anthony murmured. His eyes were closed, but Stephen could practically hear Anthony’s soft smile.

“I mean it,” Stephen said. “Love you.”

He was surrendering to the exhaustion, to the warmth of the fire and the blanket and Anthony’s embrace. Sometimes knowing that Anthony loved him and feeling the manifestations of his love made Stephen feel a little better. This was reprieve, and he was going to revel in it until reality came back to kick his ass.

Anthony still sounded like he was smiling. “I love you too. Get some rest sleepyhead.”

++++

Anthony woke up first, his phone ringing loudly from the carpet below. He was going to just ignore it, mistaking the notification for an alarm, until he came to his senses a little more and realized Christine was calling.

“Your boyfriend is bad at answering his phone,” she’d said.

“Hello to you too, Christine. He’s sleeping,” Anthony replied. “We both were, actually.”

“So sorry to have interrupted your mid afternoon nap,” Christine drawled. “But I’m glad you were resting. Stephen seemed really off today during class, and as much as I hate to admit it I was a bit worried.”

“You’re too much of a helicopter parent friend to pretend like you’re not concerned,” Anthony said. “I can see right through that.”

Christine just laughed. “Anyway, I know you could talk about Stephen for probably years but I called for a reason.”

“What’s up?” Anthony asked. Stephen was still asleep in his arms, and Anthony tried his best not to disturb him. “Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah I’m fine! I was just gonna ask if you two wanted to go on a double date with me and Hope later? It’s the first night of the carnival,” Christine said. “Sam and Bucky aren’t planning on going until tomorrow because they’re boring, and we want an adventure.”

“Going out on a Thursday night counts as an adventure?” Anthony asked.

“Why wouldn’t it?!” Christine protested. “Let me know what you decide to do and just text me or Hope, we can plan to meet up later. I take it Stephen isn’t going to class but I am, so I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sounds good, bye Christine!” Anthony rolled his eyes in amusement, opening a game on his phone and holding Stephen closer.

It wasn’t more than twenty minutes later when he woke up, checking his phone and trying to hide his disappointment when his mom didn’t call.

What did I expect? She made up her mind.

She doesn’t want to talk to me.

Why am I pretending she cares, hoping she’ll call?

Stephen huffed out a sigh, more angry with himself than anything else.

“Nothing yet?” Anthony asked gently.

“No,” Stephen replied. He felt anger boiling in his system, unease taking over as he continued to lie and hope that something would change.

“I’m sorry,” Anthony said. “The day is still young.”

“I guess that’s true.” Stephen didn’t know if going along with what Anthony said was helping or hurting at this point. “I have a ton of missed calls from Christine though.”

“Oh yeah, she invited us on a double date with her and Hope since it’s the first night of the carnival,” Anthony replied. “You in?”

“Not really.” Stephen answered without even giving it much thought.

“Okay.” Anthony was always so amenable, sensitive, and empathetic, even at the expense of what he wanted. Sometimes Stephen’s heart ached at how selfless Anthony was and how much he cared for people. It was a privilege to be someone Anthony loved, but Stephen had to remind him constantly that relationships were a give and take. He didn’t want to drain Anthony’s kindness, not the way people in his past did. He wanted and tried to be as giving and loving to Anthony as Anthony was to him.

He didn’t even sound upset about not going out, but Stephen’s anxiety kicked in and convinced him otherwise. “Well wait Ant, what do you want to do?”

“It might be fun, but—”

“Why not go, then?”

Anthony was stunned by how fast Stephen changed his mind, trying to read his face for things his words left unsaid. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine… just a little jittery waiting for this stupid call. A distraction might help, and you’re right! It probably will be fun. Plus I don’t want to selfishly keep you from being out with friends, that’s not fair to you.”

“Nope, you stop that right now,” Anthony admonished gently. “If I wanted to go with our friends, I would. I want to spend time with you tonight, whatever that looks like, and we’re both allowed to want things. They don’t have to be the same thing, and you’re not selfish or controlling for disagreeing with me. Believe me?”

“I wish I could, because I know you mean it. I just feel like a failure since I can’t be there for Victor the way I want,” Stephen replied. “And I know it’s not my fault, but…”

“But it still hurts.” Anthony gently cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him. “Right?”

Stephen nodded, whispering a pained “yes,” into the kiss. It hurt more than Anthony knew, more than he was ready to discuss.

“You’re not a failure. You’re just trying to make everyone happy even when the most fucked up circumstances get in the way. It’s not a bad thing to prioritize yourself, and in fact it’s a good thing to give yourself the kindness you give to others. You have to,” Anthony said, protectively wrapping his arms around Stephen.

“I’m glad you listen to my advice enough to repeat it back to me, at the very least,” Stephen quipped.

“Yeah yeah, I know I sound like a hypocrite since I—”

“Since you’re not nice to yourself, even though you deserve to be,” Stephen finished his sentence. “I just want to be able to make someone happy today. I want to make you happy.”

Anthony smiled sadly and kissed him again. “I love you so much, you idiot. You always make me happy, and I’m always here for you.”

“I know you are. I love you too,” Stephen replied. “A distraction honestly might help me deal with the waiting game, though.”

“It could!” Anthony nodded, playfully adding, “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Oh yeah? How?” Stephen played along.

“We can start by getting your favorite sushi,” Anthony offered.

Stephen genuinely smiled at that, attempting to hide it by burying his head in Anthony’s shoulder. “Really?”

“Why not?” Anthony replied. “It’s been awhile since we went to that restaurant anyway.”

“It’s been too long,” Stephen corrected him. “I’m not sure if I’m feeling up to being out for dinner and then going out later, though. I feel bad because you’re trying so hard to plan something fun, and—”

“You don’t have to feel bad. It’s not a problem, we can just order in and stay home until later. That’s what I was planning anyway,” Anthony said. “And if you don’t feel like going out tonight, we really don’t have to.”

“I want to, but I also don’t,” Stephen said. “You know what I mean?”

Anthony nodded. “Yeah, I do. I’m fine with whatever though, it’s up to you.”

“Let’s go then. I’m still kind of on the fence, but I’m leaning towards yes.”

++++

He was just being himself, but Anthony was making good on his little teasing promise to make the fair worth Stephen’s while. He had some magical effect where his smile made anyone’s heart sing, and his spell was especially powerful on Stephen. He was truly having fun, for the most part. His motion sickness didn’t flare up at any point, which meant he could spin a bit faster than normal on the teacups ride. It was exhilarating and just dizzying enough that he leaned slightly into Anthony’s shoulder while the group decided what to do next. Stephen found he was oddly at peace with himself and the evening, probably because of Anthony’s spell.

“Okay, here’s what I want to know: what the hell is a hall of mirrors?” Anthony asked.

“How do you not know?” Christine replied, her eyebrows racing up towards her hairline.

“Never in my life have I been exposed to anything that would entail being in a hall of mirrors,” Anthony muttered.

“Surely you’ve been to a carnival before, right?” Hope asked.

“Yes, and amusement parks! But again, I have no idea what it actually is,” Anthony said. “I’ve never seen one until right now.”

“It’s just as it sounds, Ant. It’s a room full of mirrors, almost like a maze I think, and some of the mirrors are distorted. It’s hard to explain without seeing it, but it’s kind of funny,” Stephen replied. “You’re the only person in life who ever gives me an answer,” Anthony half-joked, linking arms with Stephen. “The only person.”

“Rude, didn’t I just tell you the other day about—”

“Hope I love you but I made my point very clear,” Anthony teased. “I need to see these mirrors.”

Stephen smiled. Anthony was so full of an almost childlike wonder, he was kind of like the human equivalent of a ferris wheel… somehow… the comparison made more sense in his head. “This is going to be adorable.”

“Can we go?” Anthony was almost bubbly with excitement.

Stephen couldn’t say no to him, and right now he didn’t want to. “Yeah, come on.”

“It’s this way, let’s go!” Christine pointed vaguely to her left and led the way.

Stephen didn’t know what Anthony expected to see in a room that was literally just Full Of Mirrors, but his every reaction to it was more endearing than the last.

“Could you imagine decorating an entire house like this?” He asked, looking around the room.

“You mean you haven’t?” Christine teased.

Stephen rolled his eyes. “I can barely stand to look at myself for five minutes, this is like hell on earth. Don’t give Ant any ideas about redecorating our apartment, Christine.”

“She doesn’t need to, I wouldn’t do it,” Anthony replied. “Even I don’t need to see this much of myself.”

Christine laughed at their antics before chasing after Hope and giving them a moment alone. There weren’t many other people around, so Stephen had an unobstructed view of several of his reflections checking their phones.

Anthony was still standing beside him, taking everything in. “You okay?”

Stephen (and all of his clones) nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Still no updates though.”

I can’t even be honest with him. I can barely be honest with myself at this point.

“I’m sorry Steph.”

“It’s okay! I’m probably more anxious than I need to be, it’s really fine.”

Anthony frowned slightly but didn’t push him. “I feel like there should be at least one control variable, just a basic full body mirror at the beginning and/or end of these things.”

“There usually is at the end,” Stephen replied. “At least I think. It’s like when you leave home and take another glance at yourself to make sure you look decent. You’re the one who can, and you do, spend five minutes in front of any mirror, so—”

“That’s absolutely not true and you know it. The longest I’ve looked at myself in the front hallway mirror specifically is three minutes tops”

Stephen rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, babe.”

They continued their walk around the winding hallways, coming to a stop at a standard mirror just in front of the exits.

Christine and Hope were chattering outside, looking at a map of the fairground that they’d found somewhere (Stephen hadn’t a clue where, seeing as he wasn’t paying attention at the time).

“We look cute,” Anthony remarked.

“You do, I don’t,” Stephen said.

“No, we both do!” Anthony’s stubbornness was coming out to play, it seemed. “I mean I know you only keep me around because I’m adorable, but I’m probably the luckiest guy in the world to be yours.”

Stephen blushed and looked at his shoes. “Yeah, I’m only with you because you’re hot and not at all because you’re my best friend who I happen to be madly in love with.”

“Aww.” Anthony smiled and squeezed Stephen’s hand, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I love you too, you asshole.”

Stephen looked up, staring at their reflections and different expressions. His smile was tired and clearly forced, while Anthony’s was genuine and bright. He couldn’t help but sigh, disappointed in himself for not matching his boyfriend’s energy.

“You sure you’re okay?” Anthony asked.

“I’m trying to be,” Stephen replied. “That’s the best answer I have, and it may not seem like I’m trying very hard, but I am.”

“I know. Stress and anxiety don’t just go away when you ignore them, unfortunately,” Anthony reminded him. “Attention whores that they are.”

Stephen laughed, surprised as always by Anthony’s sudden dry delivery and humor. “I feel like you’re what ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’ means, you can go from sweet and calming to making me laugh within the same breath.” He shuffled forward a bit, dropping his head on Anthony’s shoulder.

“Well I don’t like the implication that I’m nice,” Anthony huffed jokingly.

“I didn’t really imply it, I’m telling you that you’re nice,” Stephen replied.

Anthony just rolled his eyes. “That’s your opinion.”

“I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true, you know I don’t like lying,” Stephen said.

Except for the fact that I’m so in denial about Mom not calling that I actually am lying to Anthony. He doesn’t deserve that.

Anthony just shrugged as Stephen looked up at him again. “So when you said that I’m not good at carnival games, that was—”

“That was me trying to encourage you, and while you clearly needed it I don’t think it helped,” Stephen quipped.

“Rude but true. At least there weren’t a lot of people—”

“Move!” A boisterous group of children who couldn’t be older than 13 ran past, shoving past them on their way to the door.

Stephen stumbled and fell back against Anthony, which caused one of the group to say something particularly rude.

Anthony glared at the instigator. “What?”

“Don’t, it’s not worth it,” Stephen said.

The same kid laughed, having the audacity to repeat himself before catching up with the rest of the bullies.

“I don’t know where someone who looks like they’re barely eleven years old learns to talk like that, but they can fuck right off,” Anthony said.

“You’re right. Honestly I would be more upset if worse things hadn’t happened today, but it’s all relative,” Stephen replied. “I’ll tell you about it later, we should go find Hope and Christine.”

Anthony nodded, a scowl still on his face when they found and rejoined their friends.

“Are you self-obsessed idiots done looking at yourselves?” Christine teased.

“You literally heard me say I can’t stand looking at my reflection for more than five minutes. We were just talking,” Stephen said.

“Why do people have to be so goddamn ignorant?” Anthony muttered, kicking the dirt in front of him.

“What happened?” Hope asked.

“Really nothing, just some middle schoolers being stupid,” Stephen replied. “It’s not a big deal. What are we thinking about doing now?”

“I want a snack, I think,” Christine said. “Does anyone want cotton candy?”

“We should get cotton candy!”

Donna had boundless energy, a zest for life, and a fun-loving mischief about her. She ran into each day like it was a new adventure, sometimes reckless but always under the protective watch of her brothers.

“If that’s what you want, Donna, I’ll buy you some.”

“What about me?”

Victor didn’t come into the world with a smartass attitude, but he quickly adopted some of Stephen’s mannerisms. He learned how to assert himself and how to be fair, which meant he knew when and how to argue on his own behalf.

“Of course Vic, I’ll get you some too.”

“I want the bubblegum flavor!”

It was the end of summer, and the Strange family was spending an afternoon at the zoo. Donna loved animals more than almost anything in the world, and all she’d wanted was to spend the day with her family sharing random animal facts and learning as much as she could. Stephen was the one to plan the excursion, the trip occurring the day after he returned from California. He was visiting Anthony for just under two (2) weeks then, that summer their last as ‘just friends.’

Donna was elated when Stephen came home, her little face lighting up when he announced the family outing.

Outing was an interesting choice of words.

That day trip was the last time the Strange family was whole. That day was the last day Stephen was worth something in his mom’s eyes, the last time he read his sister a bedtime story after pretending that he didn’t want to. All Stephen did was plan a surprise afternoon for Donna and buy her cotton candy, and she was the happiest he’d ever seen her. It was, in the most tragic sense, the perfect last day. She drowned in the lake the next morning, and Stephen felt like he lost control of his life. Desperate to take it back, and against his better judgement, he came out a few days later. He hoped his mom would be supportive, understanding, and maybe even encouraging, but he was as good as disowned by her that day.

“Hey… Earth to Steph.” Anthony softly caressed his face. “Stephen?”

He snapped out of his flashback, probably looking like a deer in the headlights when his eyes met Anthony’s. “Sorry.”

“I thought you were gonna pass out for a minute,” Anthony said.

“I’m good. I just zoned out,” Stephen replied. “It’s not even motion sickness, I genuinely stopped listening to whatever you guys were talking about.”

“So you didn’t hear me ask if any of you wanted cotton candy?” Christine asked.

“That I did hear.” Stephen heard the sudden brittleness in his voice and steeled himself, subconsciously reaching for Anthony’s hand.

“I forgot you don’t like sweets that much, sorry man,” Christine replied.

“That isn’t the problem,” Stephen said. “And that’s not even true.”

Christine just shrugged. “Alright.”

Stephen sighed, ignoring the confused look Christine gave him and running his free hand through his hair. He sighed again. “Sorry Christine.”

“You’re forgiven, Stephen. It’s fine, and sometimes you just have a bad day,” Christine replied. “It’s not like I’ve never gone off on you before.”

“I wouldn’t call that going off, I’ve used all of my self restraint today,” Stephen said. “But thanks.”

He sighed for the third time and leaned against Anthony’s shoulder.

“You okay?” Anthony asked gently.

Stephen looked at his phone again. “Still no updates.”

Anthony frowned, concern and understanding written all over his face. “That’s shitty.”

“You’re right about that,” Stephen replied, laughing despite himself at how direct Anthony’s delivery was. “Rollercoaster?”

“Damnit, I thought I was enough of a thrill for you,” Anthony teased.

Stephen rolled his eyes. “You are, you dumbass. I just thought it’d be fun.”

“I’m not disagreeing! I’m in,” Anthony replied.

“The line isn’t too long, y’all should go now,” Hope said. “We’re getting popcorn, and then we can ride the teacups again before leaving if you guys want?”

“Sure,” Anthony said.

Stephen just nodded. He’d had a good time, but honestly just wanted to go home and pretend like today didn’t happen.

“We can hold your shit too, if you want,” Christine offered.

“Thank you for not bringing up the Great Adventure mishap,” Anthony replied, handing Christine his bag.

“Not sure if I’d call forgetting to take off your sunglasses a mishap,” Stephen quipped, also handing over his bag.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and she’ll have called by the time we’re back.

If I asked a magic 8 ball what the chances were of that happening, I think it’d tell me to go fuck myself.

“What would you call it, then?” Anthony asked indignantly.

“Unfortunate, and a consequence of you not listening to me when I said not to wear them,” Stephen replied.

“You’re both wrong, that’s just Ant’s smooth brain energy hard at work,” Hope said.

Anthony rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry that wearing sunglasses is such a big part of my personal brand! Whatever, see you two in a bit!”

Hope and Christine probably rolled their eyes as Stephen and Anthony went on their way, but all in good fun.

Stephen was starting to feel a little better while they queued for the rollercoaster. He’d always liked them and they never made him dizzy which really helped. Coasters were sort of like a spontaneous thought process in his mind. There were digressions, breakthroughs and thoughts that were best left alone, and something to look forward to at every corner. Stephen felt like there was less time for self loathing on a rollercoaster, less time to hone in on certain things while he was moving so fast. He definitely preferred rollercoasters to tilt-a-whirl type things, even though he didn’t hate the spinning teacup ride they ended the night with. There was just more sitting still involved somehow, which meant more opportunities for self loathing. The pattern of the ride mirrored the circular thought process he slipped into, almost like he was cycling through stages of grief. Stephen wasn’t sure if he was angrier with Beverly for how she treated him or with himself for hoping she’d call, and he hadn’t even made it out of the denial stage. To his expected disappointment, there were no calls from his mom when he checked his phone on the ride home.

I don’t know what I expected.

I keep telling myself that I’m dead to her and it doesn’t seem to sink in.

I know it’s true, and all of this might hurt less if I just accept that.

Christine and Hope were bickering about something in the front of their car, and Stephen didn’t have a clue what it was. He’d tuned them out again, despondently resting his head on Anthony’s shoulder as Christine navigated the traffic.

“Ant?” Stephen’s voice was hushed and straining as he tried not to cry.

Anthony hummed. “That’s me.”

Stephen smiled sadly. “She’s not going to call, Anthony.”

“The night is still—”

“No! No, I mean she’s… I’ll tell you when we get home.” Stephen was trembling now, overwhelmed with everything that he was feeling.

��Okay,” Anthony murmured, softly kissing his head. His heart broke as Stephen started crying into his shoulder. “I love you.”

Stephen barely fought back a sob. Sometimes he needed reminders that people loved and cared about him, but he was always ashamed to ask. He was getting slowly better at asking for affection, but verbal reassurance was a completely separate beast. When it came to dealing with his mother, he needed to hear that he was loved and valued for who he was to try and combat the self loathing that followed their conversations. He needed help getting his confidence and self assurance back. He didn’t like to be so vulnerable, but Stephen couldn’t deny that sometimes he just wanted to feel loved and safe. Anthony, affectionate and protective and caring and sweet, always knew when Stephen needed these loving affirmations and always provided them. “I love you too.”

“It’s okay. We’ll be home soon, mia vita,” Anthony soothed. He reached for one of Stephen’s hands, holding it in both of his own. “Ti amo con tutto ciò che sono e con tutto ciò che sarò.”

He loves me…

++++

There was always something sweet about coming home to a loud house. The noise could be jarring, a pleasant consequence of 5 relatively loud friends living together, but it served as a welcoming of sorts. Today it was even louder when Stephen and Anthony got home, thanks mostly to an argument between Sam and Wong. Standing between them, Bruce was acting like a moderator of sorts.

“The lovebirds are back!” Wong announced, interrupting what looked like a heated rebuttal from Sam. “How was the carnival?”

“It was good! I tried to win one of those balloon dart games,” Anthony replied.

“Keyword is ‘tried,’ guys,” Stephen added.

“I was too busy thinking about what prize to win since I wanted to give Steph something cute, but it didn’t really go to plan,” Anthony said.

“Next time babe, I believe in you!” Stephen cheered as brightly as he could. He was tired of faking a smile, tired of hoping his mom would come around.

She’s never going to change her mind.

“Maybe we should’ve gone tonight, I feel like it’s going to be more crowded tomorrow,” Sam said.

“I think it depends on when you go,” Anthony replied. “Speaking of going places, you know your man dragged me to Panera with him earlier.”

“I told you! Nothing comes between Bucky and a bread bowl,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. “What time do you think is the best to go tomorrow night?”

Stephen shrugged. “Probably 8? I don’t know. Most of the lines move relatively fast so you should be fine.”

“Don’t worry Sam, if the grumpiest boy on the Eastern seaboard says you’ll be fine, you’ll definitely be good,” Wong teased.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Stephen turned on his heel and left, retreating to the comfort of his bedroom.

“Did I upset him?” Wong asked, mostly addressing Anthony. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Something is bothering him,” Anthony replied. It wasn’t his business to go into detail, nor was he the gatekeeper of what problems Stephen chose to share with their friends. “He should be okay, but I’m gonna go keep him company.”

Anthony headed for his bedroom, bringing the conversation to a halt. Stephen had closed the door, which wasn’t unusual but Anthony still didn’t want to just open it in case Stephen wanted to be completely alone.

He knocked quietly yet audibly to avoid startling Stephen. “Hey, it’s just me. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Stephen mumbled. He was curled up on their bed, trembling as he looked up at the ceiling.

It was warm in their room as per usual, so Anthony knew Stephen wasn’t shivering from cold.

Stephen felt the bed dip as his boyfriend sat beside him, and he closed his eyes as Anthony began to gently massage his scalp.

“Wong and Christine are probably angry with me,” Stephen said after a while.

“Wong didn’t mean to upset you,” Anthony replied. “Neither did Christine. And I think they understand that you’re not purposefully antagonizing them.”

Stephen sat up, the intense mix of emotion in eyes burning a hole in the ceiling as he leaned against the headboard and a pile of throw pillows.

Anthony shifted just enough to rest his head on Stephen’s shoulder, silently reminding him that he wasn’t alone. He offered one of his hands, Stephen holding it gently. He drew figure eights on Anthony’s upturned palm as he thought, the motion soothing as he started talking.

“Before I came home today, when I went to Starbucks, I got a call from my dad,” Stephen began. “Mom changed the plan for today, he said. I don’t know what she did specifically but all that matters is that she rearranged the family call so I couldn’t join. That was her way of telling me she’s mad at me without having to burden herself by speaking with me.”

Anthony shifted to straddle him, comfortingly resting his hands on Stephen’s arms. Stephen didn’t meet his concerned gaze.“I’m sorry.”

“It gets worse. When I said earlier that I’ve dealt with worse things today than some homophobic children, all of this is what I mean.” Stephen was still staring upwards, as if their ceiling had an answer he didn’t. “I got to talk to Vic, which was most important to me. We didn’t talk for very long since I was planning on going to my next class at that point, but I got to wish him a happy birthday and apologize for not being able to join the call. He wasn’t upset with me, he understood and we left things on the same good terms. I didn’t tell him why I couldn’t join, but I’m sure he knows. I’m sure he’s figured out why Mom and I don’t talk, he knows enough of the story to figure it out.”

He was crying now, all of his emotions boiling over. He was livid, devastated, and afraid for some reason, hiding his face in his hands.

Anthony was silent, taking both of Stephen’s hands and letting him cry until he’d somewhat calmed down.

“Sorry,” Stephen mumbled. He rested their joined hands in his lap and turned his teary gaze on Anthony. “I've not even finished the story and I’m already a mess.”

“It’s okay Steph, you don’t have to be.” Anthony brushed a few stray tears off Stephen’s face.

Stephen sighed. “I knew by the time I got home that she wasn’t going to call me. That’s why I came back, honestly. I didn’t want to sit through my classes thinking about it, thinking about how I’m… thinking about how she wouldn’t call. I tried to make myself tell you earlier, but I can barely come to terms with all of this in my own head. I wasn’t trying to lie to you when you said she might call, I promise. I was just holding onto the smallest wisp of hope that maybe she’d change her mind.”

“I don’t feel like you lied to me,” Anthony replied, one of his hands again finding its way to playing with Stephen’s hair. “I’m sorry I was so insistent in saying she’d call. I was trying to reassure you.”

“I know,” Stephen said. “It helped a little, especially since I was trying to convince myself that she’d end up calling. But she never did, Anthony, and she won’t. Dad said she told him directly that she wasn’t going to talk to me, so why am I such a fool and still hoping she’ll come around? I’m dead to her and I should be able to understand that!”

“I imagine you’re trying to make yourself accept it so you can move on, right?” Anthony asked.

Stephen nodded frantically, his eyes shut tight as he began to cry again. “I know that’s not the best way to deal with things, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t expect her to accept me anytime soon, and I know my family isn’t going to ever feel whole again. But I ruined Victor’s birthday by not showing up for him with the rest of the family! I would’ve joined the call if she wasn’t mad at me, and I didn’t even fucking do anything!”

Stephen was crying more out of anger than sadness, resting his head on Anthony’s shoulder and subconsciously pinching his forearm.

Anthony hugged him, both to reassure Stephen and to keep him from hurting himself in anger. “You haven’t failed him. You did what you could and made the best out of an awful, fucked up situation.”

Stephen just nodded, hearing Anthony’s message but not fully listening “Speaking of fucked up, and this is actually probably the thing I’m most upset about, you know my cousin Maxwell?”

"Yeah.”

“He took a page out of my mom’s book and outed me to my aunt.”

“Jesus Christ.” Now Anthony looked as angry as Stephen felt, a storm brewing in his eyes.

“I’m lucky because my aunt Claudia is great, and she’s really accepting but that obviously pissed my mom off so now she’s mad at her sister and at me,” Stephen said.

“That’s good about your aunt, but why the fuck would your cousin do that?” Anthony asked.

“He might have thought she already knew, I don’t know. It’s not okay that he did it, but it’s a relief to know that at least she took it well. I was worried she’d make fun of me since she always likes to prank and make me the butt of the joke, and even that would be fine compared to my mom’s response,” Stephen replied. “If I got over this faster I wouldn’t have taken all the fun out of tonight.”

“Hey, stop that,” Anthony murmured. “You didn’t! I like being around you no matter what mood you’re in, and I’m always here for you. That includes when things aren’t going well, by the way. My love for you isn’t conditional.”

Stephen looked up enough just to see Anthony’s face. “Do you think she’s ever going to come around? And not just today, but in general?”

“I hope so,” Anthony replied. “You don’t deserve to deal with this from her, or from anyone but least of all your own mother, and I hope she understands that sooner rather than later. But I can’t say with certainty what she’s going to do.”

“I just want today to be over,” Stephen said with a sigh. “I mean I did have fun tonight, but spending the entire day attached to my phone and trying to ignore what I already know wasn’t really nice.”

Anthony nodded. “Why don’t we get ready for bed then? We can put it all behind us and start over tomorrow.”

“That sounds good,” Stephen whispered. “I know I won’t ever forget this, but just for now I want to set it aside.”

++++

The day should’ve ended there, with slight banter and falling into bed with the person Stephen loved most in the world. But of course it didn’t, of course the powers that controlled his life had to have the last laugh. He’d just closed his eyes and was starting to slip away, content as Anthony pulled up one of their nighttime playlists and hummed along to whatever song was playing. Stephen was the little spoon tonight, feeling loved and secure and safe in the dark of their bedroom and Anthony’s arms. He was finally starting to relax, and then the phone rang.

He didn’t expect it and was annoyed when he heard the first notes of his ringtone, but he answered anyway thinking it was one of their friends. Thor especially had a tendency to call people earlier in the morning or later at night. “Hello?”

Despite having called him, the person on the other end of the line responded with a hasty “I must’ve misdialed. Don’t call back.”

Oh my god.

The cold, familiar voice ringing out over the speakerphone made Stephen’s heart stop.

SHE CALLED!

“No Mom, wait! I didn’t think you were going to call.”

“I don’t consider you my son, I don’t know why you keep calling me your mother,” Beverly replied. “I told you, I misdialed. I wouldn’t go out of my way to speak with you, not after you continuously cast shame onto my family.”

“Not even today? On Victor’s birthday?” Stephen asked.

Beverly scoffed. “No, and don’t even say his name! You and Victor aren’t brothers anymore, you decided that for yourself, and I’ll not have any outside influences corrupting my only son!” She hung up before Stephen could defend himself, the dial tone uncomfortably loud.

Stephen wasn’t sure what to do. A sharp, stabbing numbness seized his body and he curled in on himself to escape the onslaught of emotion hanging over his head. He turned onto his other side, burying his head in Anthony’s chest and failing to keep himself from crying.

“None of what she told you is true,” Anthony said. “Not a damn thing. You—”

Stephen shook his head. “Anthony, don't talk. Please, I’m sorry, I love you and I love your voice but I can’t… it’s too much…”

Anthony shushed him softly, carding his hand through Stephen’s hair again. He wanted to say something, to tell Stephen that he didn’t have to apologize, but that wouldn’t do any good. Instead, he just hugged Stephen tighter and gave him a soft kiss. Sometimes love was best conveyed in actions.

This is just like when I left after the funeral, when we hid from the outside world together. No one makes me feel at home the way Anthony does.

Stephen was too used to crying in Anthony’s arms because of things his mother… because of things Beverly told him. He knew he could run and hide from this or any problem with Anthony, and he’d always be safe and accepted and home. The thought was comforting, especially to the part of Stephen’s mind that was loath and afraid to confront the truth.

Eventually I’m going to have to process this fully and give myself the time to do it. I know myself, and I’m not going to change for anyone. Why should I have to?

Stephen shifted closer to Anthony, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. He rested his head on Anthony’s shoulder, the tiniest smile on his face.

How does he already have bedhead? Adorable.

Despite saying that he wasn’t tired, Anthony was already falling asleep. “Need anything?”

Stephen shook his head and softly kissed Anthony’s cheek. “I’ll be fine. I’m just as tired as you, if not more.”

“Doubtful.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you just scoffed at me.”

“I didn’t!”

Stephen rolled his eyes and leaned up to kiss Anthony’s cheek. “I love you. Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything, really, and I love you too,” Anthony replied with a yawn.

“You’ve done more for me than you realize, and I think you know it,” Stephen murmured.

Already falling asleep, Anthony didn’t respond verbally. He just hugged Stephen closer, again saying much more than words ever could.

tags: @stark-strange-love2 @taruyison @kitkatfat15 @katninjagirl97 @spookywizardboy @ocforeverything @ironstrange-chaos @chocopiggy @lokis-leah @majesticnerdynerd @maya-custodios-dionach @thespacecryptid @kiwidino @doctorstephenvincentstarkstrange

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 3 years ago

Text

End of The Line

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers, Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier

Word Count: 2260

TW: Zombies, Hurt/Comfort, Main Character Death, Implied Reader Death, Friends to Enemies

Bucky found you curled up in a window seat in one of the empty cars near the back of the train. You had a far-off look in your eyes as you stared at the landscape flying by outside. Bucky sighed as he walked over and sat in the seat next to you, gently taking your hand. You looked over and gave him a small smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey, doll. You okay?”

“Yeah, I just needed to get away for a little while. Being around everyone can be a little overwhelming at times.”

Bucky scoffed. “Tell me about it.”

“And don’t get me wrong, I love the kid, but….. the way he treats this whole situation sometimes….” you trail off, shaking your head.

“I know. He’s just trying to stay positive, but he needs to learn to read the room.”

You both sat in silence for a moment before you whispered, “Hey, I’m sorry about Sam. Okoye told me what happened.”

Bucky sighed. “I mean, I feel bad of course, but I never really got the chance to know him that well. I guess he had gotten close with Steve, but honestly, I only met him a couple times. Just once kicking his ass as the Winter Soldier, and then again in Berlin. He stuck his neck out for me and I’m grateful to him, but you knew him better than I did. And besides, we technically lost him weeks ago. That thing wasn’t really him anymore, just something the virus made him into………… But I’m sorry about Happy.”

You nodded sadly. “I mean, it always hurts to lose someone else, but ever since Tony……. Well, Happy and I had gotten even closer recently. So, yeah, this one hurts a bit more.”

Bucky knew that as the SHIELD agent assigned to keep an eye on Tony when he had first become Iron Man, you had known Happy for almost ten years. You had always spoken very highly of him and thought he was an often forgotten or overlooked asset to the team. He had also been the last remaining link you had to that part of your life. First Tony, Nat, and Barton, then Rhodey and Pepper, and just a few days ago, Fury had fallen. Happy had been your last link to your pre-Avengers life and now….

Bucky wrapped his metal arm gently around you and pulled you close to his side. He knew, through everything, you always tried putting on a brave face. You never let yourself break down as you tried to be the rock the rest of the team could lean on. However, he also knew that because of this, you blamed yourself that much more for every person they lost. As you sadly laid your head against his shoulder, Bucky wished he could take some of that burden from you. He wished he could just get you to stop worrying about everyone else for a moment and just focus on yourself.

“Speaking of the kid, did I tell you he broke into my shower with Kurt last week to film one of those stupid survival videos?”

You looked up at Bucky, slightly confused. “No, I would have remembered if you’d mentioned that. Why did they want to film in your shower?”

“Apparently, hygiene is very important because zombies are attracted to pheromones produced from human flesh. However, people are, and I quote, ‘never more vulnerable than when you’re in your birthday suit’. So, Kurt ripped open the curtain while I was showering and tried one of his sneak attacks on me.”

You exploded with astonished laughter. “Wait, wait, wait…. So, you’re telling me they ambushed you in the middle of your shower? Like completely naked, all soaped up? And this is the moment Kurt tried to attack you?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“And you let them live? Oh my god, I’ve got to see this video!” You chuckled, a dazzling smile stretched across your face. It was the first time Bucky could remember seeing you truly happy since all of this started. Reaching out, he placed his free hand lightly under your chin as he pulled you in. When your lips met, Bucky could still feel the smile on your face.

When he eventually pulled away, you rested your forehead against his and whispered, “Thank you.”

“For what, doll?”

“For everything. For picking me up when I need it most. For reminding me there is life beyond all this pain and suffering. For just being you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you," he said. "You met me at my lowest point and yet somehow saw past the terrible things I had done to see the man that I used to be, that I wanted to be again. You helped me to be strong enough to face my past while also striving for my future. You gave me something to fight for, and I promise to keep fighting for you every single day, fighting for us.”

Bucky pulled your lips into his once more but while your last exchange had been sweet and tender, this one was passionate and hungry. The two of you had spent months alone together in Wakanda while Bucky was being deprogrammed but this was the first time since the virus started that you had allowed yourselves such an intimate moment. Every frantic kiss pulsed with affections that were too complex, too intense to put into words. Each caress was filled with endless love and devotion as you each tried to express what the other meant to you. As you tangled your fingers into Bucky’s hair and pulled him deeper into you, a moan rumbled in his throat. Sliding your lips to his ear, you breathed, “Hey soldier, how about we –”

A sudden scream from the back of the train brought you both to your feet in seconds. “Sharon,” Bucky exclaimed as he took off towards the sound, you close on his heels.

Bursting through the door of the caboose, the two of you stumbled to a halt. There was little you could do but watch in dismay as the dark form hunched over Sharon’s unmoving body bent to take another bite out of her neck. Even in the dim lighting, you both recognized the intruder.

“I think you’ve had enough, Cap.” Bucky said as he stared miserably at what was left of his best friend. Even with the blueish-green skin, the patches of decayed flesh, and glowing yellow eyes, Bucky could still see the man he used to be and he hesitated. Despite the comment he had just made to you about these creatures no longer being the people they once were, he couldn’t help but wonder. The entire reason they were even on this train was in the pursuit of a cure. If there was one, if they could find it, was there still a way to save Steve?

But then he felt your hand rest softly on his back and Bucky snapped back to reality. It ultimately didn’t matter if there was a way to save Steve. Right now, this virus was making him a threat to the train full of people Bucky cared about, and Bucky wasn’t going to risk losing anyone else on the small chance that a cure might eventually be found.

Besides, the Steve he knew would have never hurt him. In fact, Steve had almost let Bucky kill him when Bucky had been the Winter Soldier just because he refused to give up on his best friend. And, truthfully, Bucky was still willing to die for Steve. If his death meant that Steve would miraculously return to his former self, he would have laid down his life in a second. But the reality of the situation was if Bucky didn’t fight back, it would not only mean his death, but there was a good chance it would mean the death of everyone else on the train. Fighting one undead super soldier was going to be hard enough, fighting two would be next to impossible. So, against every instinct in his body, Bucky raised his gun at the fallen hero.

The creature that used to be Steve (it was easier for Bucky to think of it as a creature than his friend) snarled when it noticed the two fresh new victims at the other end of the train car. It raised an all too familiar shield, dripping with blood and gore, and charged towards its next meal. Bucky opened fire as he rushed to meet him. The bullets bounced harmlessly off the shield and the two soldiers soon collided in a tangle of fists and metal. The creature still had all of Steve’s former knowledge and abilities but with an added savagery to his fighting that Bucky wasn’t expecting. Several times gnawing teeth just barely missed grazing Bucky’s skin. Finally, Bucky found an opening and kicked the creature firmly in the chest, sending it flying backward.

Just then, the thing that had once been Sharon Carter lunged at Bucky’s side. Using his metal arm, he effortlessly threw her to the ground behind him. He heard a shot and, glancing back, he saw you put two more bullets into its head. However, this momentary distraction was enough for creature Steve to once more charge at Bucky, sending them both toppling to the floor. Bucky struggled frantically to keep the chomping jaws away from him, but the virus had made the creature too strong. Just as Bucky thought he was done for, you launched yourself at the creature. You cried out as your momentum sent both of you skidding across the floor towards the open rear door. As soon as you came to rest, you rolled quickly to the side to escape the creature, but it stood and began advancing on you.

“Hey!” Bucky yelled. The creature turned towards him with a growl. Ripping the shield from its arm, it chucked it hard at the soldier. Bucky caught it with ease and whirled it back the direction it came from. The creature didn’t even react as the shield sliced cleanly through its body before lodging itself in the doorway of the train. Bucky took one last look at his friend as Cap split in two and tumbled from the train. He slowly walked over to the door and looked out. “Sorry, pal. I guess this is the end of the line.”

And with that, Bucky yanked the shield from where it was wedged in the doorway. He stared down at it mournfully for a moment before securing it carefully to his back. He knew that someone had to carry on Steve’s legacy, but he had never wanted to carry the shield. He hadn’t wanted to carry it even back in 1945 when Steve had first received it or when, months later, he had been forced to use it on that train in the mountains. Right before his life went to hell. God damn, he hated trains!

“Bucky….”

He turned away from the door and his heart stopped in his chest. Your arm was outstretched and Bucky could clearly see the deep, bloody imprint of Steve’s teeth on your skin. He rushed to your side, desperately chanting, “No, no, no, no.”

“I’m sorry. He had you pinned down, and I thought I could…… He was just too fast.”

Bucky could feel your skin already becoming cold and clammy beneath his fingers, the virus circulating quickly through your body, helped by all the adrenaline in your system. He prodded the wound gently with his metal fingers. “Does it hurt?”

“At first, but now it’s just kind of numb…… and it is spreading.” You looked up at him with wide, teary eyes. You both knew what this meant, but neither of you wanted to be the first to say it.

“You’ll be fine. Do you hear me? We should be at Camp Lehigh soon and they’ll have the cure. You just need to hold on a little longer and we can fix this.”

“Bucky, there’s not enough time. The virus is progressing too quickly. I can feel it.” You gazed longingly at him, resting your hand gently on his cheek as you tried to memorize every inch of his face. At that moment, all he wanted to do was sweep you up in his arms, press his lips against yours, and never let go. He wanted to go back to the way the two of you had been just moments ago, wrapped in each other’s loving embrace. And he could see that you felt the same way. But you both knew that the virus mainly spread through saliva, and that even the smallest peck could doom Bucky to a similar fate.

So instead, you backed away from him, stopping only once you were framed in the doorway he had just knocked Steve out of. “I need you to do something for me, okay? Don’t give up. There are other people here who need you to fight for them, just as hard as you have always fought for me. I know you can do this. You were strong before we met, and I need you to stay strong after I’m gone. Please, promise me.”

Bucky stared at you, a look of longing and pain etched on his face. “Doll…. Please…. I’ve lost everyone else I love, I can’t lose you too.”

“I’m so sorry, Buck. I love you so much, but don’t you get it? You already have.” And with that, you leaned back, allowing your body to topple off of the train.

#sfw repost #fic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #winter solider #winter solider x reader #winter soldier x you #sebastian stan #captain america #marvel #what if #marvel what if #zombies #bitten tw #zombies tw #main character death tw #reader death tw

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greenlaut · 3 years ago

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space au stony!! 🌟🌙🌌

for @nostalgicatsea and @ishipallthings who won my MTH auction (@marveltrumpshate)

the story is that steve and his crew are deviated space cops (so by means, they're space pirates technically kinda yea). they were on the run from some shady government figure and their fuel got low, so they ended up being deserted on an isolated exoplanet that has an abandoned ship station. they planned to refuel, but before they can their fuel tanks got filled up themselves. in that station, they found ironman suits, which hadn't been produced in years since tony stark went missing after his latest voyage. and during their stay on the station, they keep getting anonymous helps and morse code signals, which hadn't been used for years.

then the government caught up to them and they had a fight. steve suited up and went out to fix external ship problem that got blasted, and he almost didn't make it until two functioning ironman suits flew to them and helped steve and won the fight. one of the ironmans then warned steve to leave.

later, they pieced together the mysteries on the station and found out about the actual fate of tony stark. he was forced to create abominable weapons with arc reactor, which he didn't want to. he ran away his his small crew; james rhodes, happy hogan, and his AI jarvis. the same shady government then hunted them down. they escaped but also ended up getting deserted on the planet. happy passed away due to injuries from their last fight. tony was severely injured. they can't move on. rhodey and tony then rigged up two cryo-pods powered by arc reactor, and they went in stasis until they can get help. as they went in stasis, some stuff happened, and they ended up being space ghost AI that took over the station and the iron man suits tony brought with him.

anyway anyway, steve n crew found the pods. they wokentony n rhodey up. they had big awespme space battle and then they won. stevetony kissed. it was wonderful.

i will also mention in this au, steve is a big fan of tony. he thought the stark voyages and ironman suits are awesome. back in the day, steve's mentor is peggy. peggy are friends with the stark brothers; howard and tony. howard and tony are the type of snipe-y snarky siblings—they care for eachother but they would absolutely also dropkick one another without doubt. rhodey is a military rep and fighter pilot. happy is tony's ship pilot. jarvis (the human) was part of the crew too as a medic and co-pilot until he passed away from sickness. his death devastated them, but tony the most, to the point that he built an advanced conscious AI named after jarvis. JARVIS became their ship's permanent AI and counted as a crewmember.

i can go on and on about this, but perhaps i should stop now. enjoy!! 🌟🌞

#my art #mth auction #marvel trumps hate #stevetony #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #steve rogers #tony stark #steve x tony #stevetony comic #stony #stony fancomic #digital art #digital illustration #comic #space stony

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 3 years ago

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End of the Line

Whumptober 2021: #6. Hunger, #8. Exotic Illness, #19. Bitten, #22. They Made Me Do It

Fandom: Marvel What If.... Zombies (slight spoilers), Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2247

“Hey.”

“Hey, doll. You okay?”

“Yeah, I just needed to get away for a little while. Being around everyone can be a little overwhelming at times.”

Bucky scoffed. “Tell me about it.”

“And don’t get me wrong, I love the kid, but….. the way he treats this whole situation sometimes….” you trail off, shaking your head.

“I know. He’s just trying to stay positive, but he needs to learn to read the room.”

You both sat in silence for a moment before you whispered, “Hey, I’m sorry about Sam. Okoye told me what happened.”

You nodded sadly. “I mean, it always hurts to lose someone else, but ever since Tony……. Well, Happy and I had gotten even closer recently. So, yeah, this one hurts a bit more.”

“Speaking of the kid, did I tell you he broke into my shower with Kurt last week to film one of those stupid survival videos?”

You looked up at Bucky, slightly confused. “No, I would have remembered if you’d mentioned that. Why did they want to film in your shower?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

When he eventually pulled away, you rested your forehead against his and whispered, “Thank you.”

“For what, doll?”

“For everything. For picking me up when I need it most. For reminding me there is life beyond all this pain and suffering. For just being you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you. You met me at my lowest point and yet somehow saw past the terrible things I had done to see the man that I used to be, that I wanted to be again. You helped me to be strong enough to face my past while also striving for my future. You gave me something to fight for, and I promise to keep fighting for you every single day, fighting for us.” Bucky pulled your lips into his once more but while your last exchange had been sweet and tender, this one was passionate and hungry. The two of you had spent months alone together in Wakanda while Bucky was being deprogrammed but this was the first time since the virus started that you had allowed yourselves such an intimate moment. Every frantic kiss pulsed with affections that were too complex, too intense to put into words. Each caress was filled with endless love and devotion as you each tried to express what the other meant to you. As you tangled your fingers into Bucky’s hair and pulled him deeper into you, a moan rumbled in his throat. Sliding your lips to his ear, you breathed, “Hey soldier, how about we –”

A sudden scream from the back of the train brought you both to your feet in seconds. “Sharon,” Bucky exclaimed as he took off towards the sound, you close on his heels.

“Bucky….”

“I’m sorry. He had you pinned down, and I thought I could…... He was just too fast.”

“You’ll be fine. Do you hear me? We should be at Camp Lehigh soon and they’ll have the cure. You just need to hold on a little longer and we can fix this.”

“Doll…. Please…. I’ve lost everyone else I love, I can’t lose you too.”

“I’m so sorry, Buck. I love you so much, but don’t you get it? You already have.” And with that, you leaned back, allowing your body to topple off of the train.

#whumptober2021 #no.6 #no.8 #no.19 #no.22 #hunger #exotic illness #bitten #they made me do it #fic #marvel #what if #marvel what if #zombies #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #whumptober 2021 #sebastian stan

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infernal-fire · 4 years ago

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five types of love.

what to expect: smut, swearing, friends w/ benefits arrangement, mention of Imposter syndrome, fluff, angst, heartbreak, overstimulation, implied creampie, rough sex

a/n: a little warning; you will be choosing your ending - there is a happy one and a sad one. a huge shoutout to @mollygetssherlockcoffee and @angrybirdcr for talking to me about the fic and offering such amazing advice! and @tuiccim was so damn lovely, even offered to beta this (though all mistakes are my own).

summary: you once heard that there were eight types of love. you only knew of five; the five that caused you to fall for one, blue-eyed menace.

Ludus: uncommitted, casual love that can attribute to a flirtatious and fun conquest. Not to be mistaken for Eros.

“I think we’re forgetting the reason why the mission failed in the first place. If the older fellow took a suggestion once in a-”

“-Tony, you know damn well that there were civilians in there.”

Steve and Tony glared at each other from across the briefing room. The tension in the room was exorbitant, but then again, it had been that way since Bucky joined the team.

“This is exactly why we need the new girl. You super-soldiers and billionaires are getting tangled up in each others’ asses and forgetting about what it’s like for the normal people,” Rhodey sighed.

“The last thing we need is another trainee fucking up orders,” Tony snorted and began messing with his tech. The projector flipped through random screens, FRIDAY most likely filtering out the irrelevant news.

“If you have a problem, maybe you should say it to his face,” Steve seethed, now standing up to match Tony’s stance. Usually, this type of jab at Bucky wouldn’t rile him up, but the super-soldier was at his wit’s end following the events of the latest mission.

Beside him, Bucky lightly tugged on his friend’s hand, signalling him to disengage.

“You’re with them?” Tony incredulously questioned Rhodey.

“I’m with the idea of calming this room down.”

“Besides, she’s already been prepped for her first mission,” Natasha piped up. “We’re supposed to have a sit-down in 5 minutes... that is, if you boys can get your shit together.”

The room broke out into a chorus of muttering and everyone settled in their seats again. Captain strode to the front of the room and pulled up his game plan, fiddling with the map FRIDAY was projecting.

You, on the other hand, could not decide how to act in front of the Avengers: Laidback? They wouldn’t take you seriously. Know-it-all? No, that was Stark’s play. Timid Tiffany? If you wanted to seem secretly conceited? Sure. That would work for now.

When Vision floated out to bring you in, you didn’t even flinch at the unforeseen phasing. Impressed at your lack of a reaction, Vision faltered before ever-so-courteously introducing himself.

Could this sentient being laugh of his own volition? You gave him your name and dramatically curtsied to test your theory; he could laugh, and you were pleasantly surprised to find that it was not at all robotic.

You felt the room intently eye you as you ambled to your seat beside one, blue-eyed menace. You half-expected the team to introduce themselves, but who were you kidding - anyone could hear the argument from three corridors away. There was no point in pretending like they wanted you here, but that wouldn’t deter you.

You glanced at your neighbour, met with the pleasant face of the one and only. James Buchanan Barnes was known to be a handsome devil, but the reputation of the Winter Soldier often precedes him; that, unfortunately, does not stop you from eyeing him.

When he caught your stare, you scolded yourself. You’re such a creep.

When he smirked at your ogling, you praised yourself. Oh, hello there.

This is gonna be fun.

Eros: sexual, passionate love that is fueled by lust.

It didn��t happen after the first mission; he had the decency to wait until the fourth mission to knock on your door.

You had been putting away the last of your belongings, finally adjusting to the grandiose living conditions the Avengers Tower provided.

As soon as you unlocked your knob, the door flung open; Bucky's stare was partially inhibited by his hooded eyes. He hadn’t always looked at you like that.

Like what?

With unadulterated craving.

That day, he strode in like he owned the place. You didn’t expect the shove that caused you to land on your bed with an oomph. Bucky wasted no time, climbing onto your form, straddling you. By the time you understood what was happening, a single finger was pressed into your lips.

“Either tell me you don’t want this right fucking now,” he leaned in, close to your face, “or shut the fuck up and let me use you.”

You whimpered in response.

“Not good enough.”

“Use me.”

That’s all the affirmation he needed.

You pushed off the bed to try and meet his lips but he firmly pinned you down by your shoulders. Bucky reached into your panties and circled your clit without hesitation. It only took some swivelling, his intense gaze and the unexpected plunge of his fingers in your channel to make you see stars. Bucky had made you come before kissing you.

When he finally slotted his lips against yours, it was nothing short of all-consuming; you hadn’t even realized the absence of clothes on your body. Had it been ten minutes? Or thirty? It was hard to tell when you were being ravaged by another.

He made you come twice more: once with his fingers’ repeated dipping and pressing into the soft, spongy part of your cunt. The second time was with the talented sucking and flicking of his tongue. Technically, it was the third time.

None of your past partners had been this steadfast in their duty to pleasure you. You were already putty in his hands, ready to be moulded according to his needs. Part of you was ready to tap out, unable to fathom the likelihood of coming over his cock again, but the better half of you needed it.

In your orgasmic haze, you failed to notice that his clothes were being discarded - if you did, it would have given you the opportunity to gawk at the body that you so desperately wanted to see shirtless. When you finally registered his naked person, your hand involuntarily traced the connection between the metal arm and flesh. He threw his head back and groaned before kissing you again.

He pulled off, just enough to get a good look.

“Look at you, all fucked out. I didn’t even put my cock in.”

He pumped his shaft with fervour before pushing the blunt head against your slit. You winced at his attempt to put it in.

“Made you cum three times and you’re still too fucking tight,” he muttered and ran his length up and down your folds. Once he had accumulated enough slick he tried again, this time, successful.

You moaned as he slowly sunk in and buried his cock to its absolute limit. If the walls of your pussy had a voice, it would be absolutely hoarse. You also realized that he only bestowed the three orgasms in hopes of reprieving the pain of the stretch. Without the preparation, he might have torn you in half.

When he began moving, the only thing that was slow or soft about him was his lips against your skin. The thrusts were punishing; if it wasn’t obvious that he was angry before, this made it clear as day.

You screamed and moaned, alternating between keening and arching your back; the pleas did nothing to falter his furious pace. The smacking of your skin was only heightened by the slick that your cunt produced in attempts to accommodate his length. Every time he pulled out, his balls were connected to your sex with a string of come.

If someone told you that you could come five times within forty minutes, you would have face painted and dressed them up like a clown.

Now you laid in bed, being used like a rag doll, begging Bucky to stop you from coming a sixth time that session. It was usually the dirty talk that got you off, but he hadn’t said anything aside from the occasional ‘shut up’ or ‘shhh’. His movements alone had you convulsing around his length.

His thrusts didn’t get sloppy. Rather, they increased in force, as his cock sought space beyond your cervix. You tried to scream, but all that came out was more broken tears and cries. At last, he let out a pornographic moan as his load flooded your insides. Sure, you had let past boyfriends come in you, but you never actually felt the liquid shoot up inside you, until today.

Following the pop sound that his cock made as it pulled out, you whined again. You could feel your heartbeat throb down there.

He flipped you onto your stomach and smacked your ass, laughing at the way you sobbed in pain before disappearing from your room altogether.

He was gone as fast as he showed up.

And he ruined everyone else for you.

In all fairness... you asked for it.

Philia: the deep, virtuous love that is formed in a good friendship. Lovers share a strong bond when Eros and Philia feed into each other.

What started as a release from the frustrations that accrue on the battlefield turned into a deep connection that neither of you had anticipated. Sex had only been used as a tool in the act of psychological detachment until that day.

It was a failed date of some sort: either you had been stood up or the guy was a total moron. You could wrack your brain for the memory, but in any matter, it was all irrelevant now.

You were upset, not just at your lack of a love life, but at the imposter syndrome that had weaselled its way into your liveliness. Feeling like you weren’t enough was catching up to your daily life and even Bucky had noticed the hesitation during your post-mission escapades.

Before you knew it, your hand was knocking on Bucky’s door at the ripe hour of 1 AM.

You heard the muffled thumps of his footsteps and considered booking it out of there, but before you made up your mind, the door opened. As you had predicted, Bucky was wide-awake.

“What?”

You had wanted to sass him for his tone but decided against it since you were the one who interrupted his 1 AM activities. You shook your head from the clouds and mumbled incoherently, starting to walk away. The coldness of his metal arm abruptly gripped your wrist.

“Are you okay?”

You hated that question. You could be doing so good, holding in the burden of a horrible week, but the moment someone asks you that question, the dam would disintegrate into dust, only to be washed away by the inevitable waterworks.

The sob you let out didn’t loosen his hold. He let you cry and watched as you tried to wipe away the unrelenting tears, still refusing to close the gap between your bodies. Finally, you shuffled into his arms where he bear-hugged you, cupping the back of your neck and holding it to the junction of his neck.

"You smell nice,” you sniffled.

He lightly chuckled before dragging you into his room and seating you on the bed. He ordered you to stay there and rummaged around his cupboard before pulling out a bottle with red liquid sloshing around.

“You keep that in your room?” you snickered, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, before blanching at your state. Hell, he had seen you naked, how you look right now is the least of your concerns.

“In case of emergencies,” he winked. “This seems like a real emergency.”

A fresh wave of tears pooled in your waterline as you peered at your hands that were picking at each other.

“I don’t have wine glasses, so we can just chug.”

Bucky stuck out the bottle and you grasped it firmly before gulping one-fourth of it. That’s all the coaxing it took to get you to spill.

You don’t even remember what you talked about, but before either of you realized, 3 AM blinked on the digital clock that hung above the bed frame. You were almost asleep, now resting on Bucky’s lap while he occasionally hummed or offered his two cents. Right before you drifted off, the super-soldier lifted you, placing you under a cover. He climbed in from the other side, one hand cupping your face, the other snaking around your waist.

“Thanks, Buck.”

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re okay,” he whispered.

Your eyes drooped but swiftly opened as Bucky leaned in, resting his forehead against yours. His lips barely touched yours, grazing their presence, but you moved, tenderly catching them. He returned the movement, the delicacy of his actions reflected in the softness of his eyes.

You pulled away and the two of you wordlessly bore into each other’s eyes. At last, you succumbed to the fatigue, as did he; both of you resting in the others’ possession.

Mania: an unhealthy, obsessive love that plagues the mind.

It was the third time Bucky didn’t show up at your door after a mission. Three missions, each of them ending in something that would have indubitably pissed him off - after all, they were HYDRA bases. That’s when you first suspected it.

The second was when you noted his intentional avoidance of your presence. Whether it be the kitchen, the gym or the hallways, the stealthy ex-assassin didn’t have trouble actively dodging you. Initially, you chalked it up to wanting space or simply taking a break.

Then you heard it.

Why was it that your gut told you to go right then? All this time you had been biding, yet it was at this precise moment that your hunch asked you to speak to him. It could’ve been the duration of the month that it took you to prepare yourself, but it had to be now. You raised your hand, prepping to knock on the door, but stopped.

Your hand froze mid-air. The elegant laugh of another girl sounded behind the door. It was faint, the noise slightly suppressed by the wall between you.

It could be anyone.

But it wasn’t. Your intuition, the one that told you to come here right now, was wise enough to know that this wasn’t just anyone. It was her.

You cupped your mouth to stop the sob that threatened to liberate itself from the confines of your constricted airway. You fell forward, onto your knees, as if to pray to the gods to not let it happen. But it already did. You let go of your mouth, gasping for air from holding your breath all this time.

Shoulders sagged and spine bent, you stalked back to your room like a zombie. Face devoid of all emotion, you fell onto the corner of your bed and crumpled into a ball. For twelve hours, you laid there. Sometimes sleeping, other times letting the tears leak out of the corners of your eyes. Memories of his fingers weaving through your own, the pleasures that chilled you to the bone. Most of all, the way you held his head to your chest as he whimpered about the nightmares that invaded his nights. It felt like those things happened to someone else. Nothing more than a distant memory.

Your heart clenched, tugging on the heartstring that you once thought was connected to him.

It was as if he knew you stood outside his door that day. There was an unspoken agreement to never speak of it. Yes, yes, don’t ever speak of it. The dam that you built so carefully will come crashing down. He stopped avoiding you, but you wished he didn’t; it was crueller to be reminded, easier to pretend he didn’t exist.

Be honest with yourself.

You didn’t pretend like he didn’t exist.

In fact, the first thought after waking up? Bucky. Last thought before going to sleep? My Buck. Every time he wasn’t around? James Buchanan Barnes.

Please, don’t act like every waking moment isn’t spent loving him. Because deep down, you know what’s true.

He never did introduce the mystery girl to anyone at the Tower, but you knew his disappearance after missions could be credited to her. Did he take out his anger on her as he did to you? Or were you nothing more than a toy?

Guilt was one of the few emotions you could make out from the rare occasions you caught his stare. Longing was there too, but you couldn’t be sure that you weren’t projecting. Months went by, waiting for thoughts of him to abandon your disturbed mind. The time never came.

As promised, he ruined anyone else for you.

Pragma: the type of love that endures all shortcomings. Committed relationships that stay in love have an element of significant Pragma to them.

a happy ending.

That relationship may have ended but it didn’t mean he would come back to you.

He did come back. But he wasn’t yours. Bucky made that clear when two more relationships ensued the last. Each time, the buffer period between them was filled by you.

His back-up plan. That’s what you had been reduced to.

After the third time he brought a new girl, you’d think you would be used to it, maybe even uncaring. Unfortunately, the opposite would always prevail.

Steve caught your fist and tutted, commenting on the bad form. You stopped, shook your shoulders and began hopping on the balls of your feet again. Jab, jab. Swing. At first, you’d imagine the faces of those girls. Nowadays, it was easier to envision the pads Steve held as his best friend’s face.

“Bucky’s girl broke up with him.”

“Oh,” you made out, focus slightly wavering.

“You know what happened?”

“Are you asking me ‘cause you wanna know or because you already know?”

“I already know,” he sighed, lowering the hand pads.

He exhaled your name, shaking his and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “When are you two gonna stop playing around?”

“I really don’t understand, Steve.”

“You know why she broke up with him?” You blinked, tongue poking the inside of your cheek in anticipation of an answer.

“He moaned your name during sex.”

“God, that’s so corny,” you huffed, now beginning to make your way out of the boxing ring.

“So what, you’re gonna do nothing? Keep letting him use you?” Steve jogged to catch up to you.

“No,” you faced him, “I’m not letting him use me as a fallback anymore. I’m putting an end to it.”

Steve pursed his lips and shot you and exasperated look before shaking his head. “Don’t let something good go to waste.”

It used to be something good.

You wondered if you could hold up the promise you had just declared to Steve; in the past, you failed every time he showed up at your door. Bucky knew exactly how to play into your emotions, how to say the right things every time. And just like that, the next morning you’d end up in his arms. That stops today.

Determined, you practically punched the button to go up on the elevator and impatiently tapped your foot. As the doors slid closed, you took one look at yourself and turned away, fighting the urge to fix your appearance for him. The doors opened again and you check the floor number, ready to step out, but stopped at the sound of your name. His ex. You almost ran off, unwilling to put up with an angry ex, but she called on you again. You sheepishly stood there, as if you were the one who did something wrong, until she stepped in and pressed the button to go to the lobby.

The silence stretched on, much like your patience. Does she even know who you are?

“We were both fooling ourselves.”

You turn to check if she was speaking to you. Her stare was unwavering and she maintained eye contact that almost made you squirm.

“We both love different people.” She smiled, an obvious melancholy tainting her face. You stood there, absolutely clueless as to how you should respond.

“It’s too late for me, but it’s not for the two of you. Just... don’t let him go. He’s one of the good ones.”

You turned again, now looking down at the ground. Even if she expected you to say something back, it was impossible, at this point. Your mind was in shambles, everything she said contradicting the choice you made five minutes ago.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors opened and she stepped out. She turned one last time and nodded as if you knew what to do now.

Bucky’s door was unlocked. You called out his name, barely above a whisper and sauntered with hesitation lining your every step. Nothing. Empty. He wasn’t there.

It was a sign. You almost ignored the advice his ex gave, ready to walk into his room and end things. Your shoulder slumped as if your bore the weight of the world on them as you slunk back to your room. Now it would take another outburst or another month to prepare yourself to talk to him again.

As the days went by, you barely saw him around. It reminded you of the times he intentionally ignored you, except this time, you weren’t sure it was intentional. When you did see him, it was clear that he wasn’t doing good; his beard was unkept and scraggly, the bags under his eyes heavier than any trauma he carried. You pretended as though you didn’t notice and went about your routine.

1 AM

A knock sounded at your door. You knew who it was, how could you not, but hoped it wasn’t him anyway. The encounter would most likely end with tears or sex and you didn’t favour either outcome.

You waited a minute. Maybe he would leave if he assumed you were asleep. The knock sounded again.

You cracked the door open. Whatever you were expecting, surely, it wasn’t this. Eyes red and puffy, it was clear he had been crying and most definitely not sleeping.

He held up a wine bottle, and chuckled pathetically at himself.

“Maybe this is bad idea,” he sniffled and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his left arm.

It didn’t feel right to say anything. Rather, you opened the door wider and beckoned for him to step in.

“Emergency?” you asked with a little smile. God, you were so close to crying and he hasn’t even said anything.

“Oh yeah. Big emergency.”

He sat on your bed and felt the sheets, trying to remember the feeling of it on his knees. The days he would buck into you while you clutched them like a vice. The soldier pursed his lips and watched as you settled beside him.

“You don’t have to talk... if you don’t want to,” you said. Your voice cracked and you almost smacked yourself for being so weak around him.

“But I do. I should talk. I have so much to say... Can I explain?” He turned to face you, reaching out for your hands, holding them in his own. You didn’t say anything, opting to return his request with a pleading look in your eyes. He knew what the look meant: just don’t break my heart. Again. He took a deep breath in acknowledgement, trying to form the words that would help you understand.

“I can’t believe I hurt you. I swear, I didn’t know I was doing it, at first.” You mustered your best unbelieving look, almost scoffing for good measure. “No, really,” he hastily added.

A few tears streamed down your face and you frantically tried to wipe them. Bucky took one look at you before he began breaking down, tears slipping down his face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry... I just- I don’t understand? I thought things were good?” you questioned. You had given up on trying to wipe your tears, as did he.

“I wasn’t supposed to fall for you. And by the time I realized, we were so far in. Then I found a distraction... and I really thought I was over you,” he paused, wondering if he should continue or not. You showed no sign of speaking up, so he went on.

“I didn’t think you cared. I didn’t think you felt the same way. I was so convinced that you wouldn’t blink twice but then... but, I-... I heard you at the door that day. I wanted to kick her out and hold you, but I-...”

“But you what? You what, Bucky?”

“I thought it was too late for us. I thought I ruined everything.”

“Then why are you here now?”

“Don’t be mad,” he murmured, retracting his hands and fiddling with his fingers.

“I don’t think anyone can ever replace what we had. Maybe... still have? Because you’re it for me. I’m sorry it took me this long to realize that. I was on the brink of losing myself.” He looked up at you, eyes brimming with a new wave of tears. He mumbled your name weakly, croaking out a please at the end.

You curled in on yourself and fell into his arms, hoping that was enough of a answer.

“I can’t promise you that everything will be back to normal by tomorrow morning... but with some time, I can learn to trust you again.”

Above you, Bucky hurriedly nodded. At the state he’s in right now, you suspected that you could ask him to sell his soul and he would agree.

“And if you ever break my heart again-,”

“-I would die before that happens,” he finished for you, kissing the top of your head for good measure.

“I love you,” you whimpered, “so fucking much.”

“I love you too. I really love you too,” he affirmed and encased you with his arms again.

Though there had been some rough patches on the road to happiness, with Bucky by your side, you felt as though you could make it through anything; for that, is the power of pragmatic love.

an unfortunate ending.

The tears that would’ve been shed during the ceremony have dried on your pillowcase about five hours ago. Now, you sat beside the team, waiting for her to walk down the aisle.

Bucky looked nervous, as if he were reconsidering his life decisions. The little devil on your shoulder was holding onto every little thing he did: the wrinkle of his forehead, his repeated tugging on the suit and his flustered glancing around. Oh lord, and when he accidentally locked eyes with you? You may have bitten your lip and looked away in contempt but the shoulder-devil was as persistent as ever.

He secretly still wants you.

Shut up.

He wants to call it off.

Get a life.

At last, the lucky girl stood at the end of the winding path and you couldn’t help but sneak a look at the groom. His tension and nervousness crumbled at the sight of her; it was difficult not to feel happy that he had found the one that made him feel this way.

It may have been him for you, but that notion was long forgotten, a nuisance of memory at most. Your love for him, regardless of the storms it has endured, is no longer respected or wanted by either party.

If he loves her, why does he come to you when things get bad?

You shook your head at that, having no answer for the nature of his secret infidelity. It was nothing more than taking out his frustrations on you - much like the old days.

Your reminiscing was cut short when a voice asked everyone to rise for the bride. You stood and straightened out your outfit, flicking off the little white petal that clung to your maroon dress. A hand grasped your own, and you turned to see Steve smile reassuringly. You squeeze his hand in appreciation and turned your attention to the white-clad figure walking down the aisle.

And that’s all you remember. You wish you could recall the rest of the wedding. You really do. Too preoccupied with what was going to happen after the event, you disassociated from the ordeal altogether. No matter how hard you grilled yourself, nothing would come to mind - dissociative amnesia only occurs as a protective coping mechanism during traumatic events; was that what Bucky’s wedding was to you?

What type of question is that?

For once, you agreed with the little red beast that sat on your shoulder. Long ago, the first time you saw someone else Bucky’s arms, the devil pierced the pitchfork right through the angel’s heart. These days, it was all you could think of.

After the bride and groom exchanged ‘I do’s’, you willed yourself to stay a while longer. Your only companion, Steve, slow danced with you in silence, knowing that whatever he says would be of no consolation. Bucky did have half a mind to ask you for a dance, but he saw you leave. You didn’t think anyone did. He waited for you to turn and look at him one last time, but you never did. It’s okay, he thought. I didn’t deserve her anyway.

No one saw you after that.

On your bed, Steve found a single note that didn’t explain anything more than what he already knew. If anything, it simply affirmed that you were gone for good. Your things packed up, no trace of a person ever having lived there. Even if he pulled some strings, it would take years to find you again.

After all, you had already been lost for quite some time.

hey folks. i know this seems a little desperate-sounding but i would really appreciate reblogs and would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on the story. what was you favourite part? which part made you feel some way? i really love knowing these things. love each and every single one of you.

Masterlist

Shoot me a message or fill out the form in my bio to be added to my tag list!

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan character #bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you

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queeenpersephone · 3 years ago

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give the people what they're asking for!!!! (they're asking for your tonynat meta/headcanons)

hahaha thank you - i didn't know that's what the people wanted! happy to - though i have pages and pages of meta on ironwidow, so if you're looking for thoughts on certain scenes! i also have 1000 headcanons but here are my top ones:

headcanons that could technically exist in canon

1. natasha saved tony in siberia in cacw. anyone who's spoken to me for more than 5 minutes about ironwidow (or read delicate!) knows about this headcanon. and really, it just makes sense to me. how else did he get out? it also ties together my theory that ironwidow in cacw mirrors ironwidow in im2, almost to the letter in terms of scenes. i'm happy to write something longer about this if you’d like!

2. tony did not hold a grudge against natasha for the airport in cacw. okay, obviously he was upset when she confronted him (see meta about that here and here) but tony is not a grudge-holder. c'mon, the man is relentlessly hopeful! cacw is just about both his and steve's low points, and rightfully. i truly believe that after black widow, and nat meeting up with steve and co. (if she even did that right away) one of them managed to send a message, probably through clint. can't you see it? tony showing up on the farm "let me talk to her." clint: "you all broke her heart. and the worst part? you didn't even think she had a heart to break." but then ofc mutual apologies and they were chill. idk how else to explain how chill they are in endgame. 3. natasha didn't "not recommend" tony for the avengers. at least, not in the damning sense that fury implied. she's too smart for that. she knows that im2's situation was wild, and tony still managed to pull it together. fury's too much of a spy for me to trust him on things that no one else ever mentioned. 4. "they're coming for you" was meant as a threat. 5. this isn't ironwidow per se, but team ironman (i.e., rhodey and pepper) like natasha a lot. this is pretty obvious with rhodey imo, but i also think that nat and pepper respect and like each other. pepper is more in control of her emotions than tony, and i bet more than anything recognized a similar (though greater) control in nat. i also hate when people pit them against each other.

headcanons for an established ironwidow

1. tony kisses nat's thumb when he's playful because he's teasing her about a conversation where she told him she could kill a man with one thumb. he does the same when he's worried about her, to remind himself that she can protect herself. 2. he builds her a suit. duh. 3. no one is the big or little spoon more - they both love both positions. 4. i'm hesitant to rule it completely out, but i don't think they have biological kids without certain circumstances. they do adopt hella superheroes though. 5. tony calls nat every endearment under the sun, but it's most frequently honey. nat calls tony solnishko, or little sun, because he brought her out of the dark.

#ironwidow #ironwidow meta #anonymous #answered #this was the best ask ever thanks anon!#meta is a lot but if you have certain things you want meta on lmk #i just have so much of it haha #tonynat #natasha x tony #marvel #marvel meta #meta

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rebelquilts512 · 2 years ago

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Iron Fam Encanto AU Bonus Content

Here’s a bunch of stuff from the Starks Don’t Shine They Burn universe that didn’t fit in the original post.

(Yes, I know it’s been awhile, hush)

It’s pretty long.

This AU has a much more ambiguous setting, since I could not justify having this set in Colombia with the amount of white people in this AU and didn’t know what other real life location would make any sense.

Like in the movie, the house in this AU is still called Casita and their sheltered town is still called the Encanto.

The mountains surrounding the Encanto are rich in metal ores. (Because it’s the Iron Fam and Tony needs a good supply of materials)

The birth order of the triplets is: Tony, Stephen, Carol. Mostly because I can’t picture Stephen as the youngest of the three and what I’ve seen of Carol has younger sibling energy.

James “Rhodey” Rhodes starts as Tony’s best friend. He becomes friends with all the triplets before he and Carol fall in love and get married. He and Tony are still best friends though.

One of the reasons he’s nicknamed Rhodey is because Howard and Maria got emotional when they learned that their son befriended someone named James (Like James “Bucky” Barnes).

Wanda Maximoff lives in the town and is Vision’s longtime best friend. They’re also pining for each other, but since Vision’s so busy using his gift to help the town they don’t have time to confess their feelings for each other.

Pietro and their parents are also alive and living in the Encanto.

They own a bakery or something like that.

There’s not really a Mariano character in this AU (like how Isabela was expected to marry him while Dolores was in love with him). Mostly because I forgot about him when choosing characters for this AU (Sorry Mariano, I do care about you). There also aren’t really any MCU characters that both Nebula and Monica know besides Carol Danvers, who’s their mom in this AU. I also didn’t think a Dolores style romantic arc works well with Monica’s character. I’ll probably have to figure out a suitor for Nebula so the dinner scene has a possibility of working.

Suggestions welcome.

The Dolores Confession verse in “All of You” is replaced with a Wanda confession verse in this AU.

Other residents of the Encanto include:

The Maximoffs (as mentioned before)

Oleg, Iryna, Pietro (20) and Wanda (20)

The Bartons

Clint, Laura, Cooper (15), Lila (13), and Nathaniel (5)

Bruce Banner (The Town Doctor)

Helen Cho (The retired/former town doctor)

Natasha Romanoff

(Peter’s friend) Michelle Jones (16) and her parents

(Peter’s friend) Ned Leeds (16), his parents, and his grandmother

Elderly Peggy Carter and her husband, son, daughter, and presumably grandchildren.

Her brother Micheal Carter, his wife, son, and grandchildren, including Sharon Carter (26)

Peter Quill (Early thirties)

Gamora (Late twenties)

Drax and his wife and young daughter

Mantis (Early twenties)

Darcy Lewis (20)

Jimmy Woo (21)

Harold “Happy” Hogan

Sam Wilson (Mid-twenties)

Assorted others

Not any Asgardians though, since they technically have their own magic it wouldn’t make sense for them to be here.

For those of you wondering what the in-universe reason is for a character being named “Vision” when a different character has actual visions of the future, my explanation is that one day when Pepper was like seven months pregnant with him (and Carol was like three months pregnant with Monica), Stephen has a vision about the birth of Tony and Pepper’s baby, which involves a midnight thunderstorm and a c-section, and inorder for both Pepper and the baby to survive Tony has to make a medical instrument that will limit the danger of a c-section. After the baby is born safely, Tony and Pepper (mostly Tony) name him Vision to honor the vision that saved him.

The other kids also have interesting births that (except Morgan) Stephen saw in a vision.

Nebula was born during a meteor shower with Aurora Borealis.

Monica came into the world with a rainbow.

Peter was born during a windstorm violent enough to fling the windows open in the birthing room.

Harley was born during a solar eclipse.

Morgan was born at sunrise to the rooster crowing, all the birds, chirping, and other animals making their morning noises.

I feel like Monica’s gift should be explained more. My main inspiration is this part of her Marvel Wiki article. The basics are that she can see different energies and across the electromagnetic spectrum, including a form of x-ray vision. Her eyes glow different colors based on what kind of sight she’s using/what she’s looking for.

Nebula still has a prosthetic arm in this au. The story is that a beast of some sort bit it off, when she was exploring the woods when she was around ten (age is subject to change), and chewed it to pieces. She manages to kill the beast with her gift, though doesn’t save her arm. Her Uncle Tony makes her a metal prosthetic arm that she sometimes uses her gift to manipulate into different forms.

Other possibilities to come, this is all I have for now. Will update when I have more.

I have some ideas of how some of the songs can be rewritten for this au, although if anyone has any ideas for lyrics feel welcome to share them. I may post the rewritten songs at some point.

I also used a dress-up game to give some idea of what the family looks like/how everyone's dressed that I may post if anyone’s interested.

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babyjamiebarnes · 4 years ago

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Build-A-Bear

Part Three

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Morgan, various characters in other chapters

Warnings: language, sexual innuendos and implications

Chapter Summary: Reader has dinner with her family and gets grilled even harder than her food. But she’s turned to a light simmer when Bucky takes her out for their first date.

Author’s Note: This chapter is fucking monstrous lol. I did not expect it to be this long so it might be a couple extra days before the next chapter so I can catch up! I’m also not sure if my Italian is accurate so I apologize in advance. I used to work for a man named Gennaro from Naples and he called me “bella” so hopefully I’m sort of right? If you like the story so far, feel free to buy me a coffee!

Part One • Part Two

Tags: @kennedywxlsh

Dinner that night was tense, to say the least. It was nice to have your dad, step-mom, sister, and uncles Happy and Rhodey over again, but your dad wasn’t quick to forget what he saw earlier.

“What was that with Barnes today?” Tony asked as you all sat around the dining room table in your midtown flat, poking away at the remnants of your meals.

“What do you mean?” you asked innocently.

Your dad just gave you an incredulous look. “You know what I mean.”

You sighed and avoided meeting his eyes. “I was just working on his arm, dad. I didn’t wanna make him lie down on a hard lab table while I poked around to do what you wanted and quiet his arm,” you explained.

“Wait, Barnes as in Bucky Barnes?” Uncle Rhodey clarified.

“Yeah,” your dad confirmed, not taking his eyes off of you. “I found her kneeling between his legs while he sat shirtless on the couch.”

“You’re sleeping with Bucky?!” Rhodey asked.

“I’m not sleeping with anyone!” you defended, dropping your fork onto your plate. “I’ve known him for a month.”

“That’s never stopped your father,” Pepper mumbled under her breath, making you huff out a laugh despite your current grilling.

“Listen, when I said ‘no fraternizing with coworkers,’ I meant it,” your dad said.

“Please stop saying ‘fraternizing.’ It’s weird.”

Tony sighed and crossed his arms. “No ‘slumber parties’ with coworkers,” he rephrased.

This made Morgan perk up in her seat, having spent the past couple minutes confusedly watching you and your dad bicker.

“Can we have a slumber party, [Y/N]?” she asked.

“Yes, honey, we can have a slumber party,” you responded.

“Tonight?” she continued.

At this, you pointedly looked at your dad and raised your eyebrows as a way of saying ‘are we done now?’ You could tell he didn’t want to end the conversation, but you were grateful for the sudden change of topic. Tony uncrossed his arms and leaned against the table as he replied to your sister.

“If your big sister says it’s okay, you can have a slumber party tonight.”

Morgan lit up like the Fourth of July, quickly listing off all the movies she wanted to watch even though you knew she’d fall asleep halfway through the first movie.

As your family packed up to leave, leaving Morgan since she had a drawer of clothes for the impromptu sleepovers you’ve had before, you calmed your racing heart before saying the words that would either make your father more suspicious or completely quash his suspicions.

“You’ll have to pick her up by four tomorrow. I have a date.”

All of the adults turned to face you. Pepper had a huge smile on her face, clearly excited for you, but your dad and Rhodey looked ready to fight. Happy looked curious, maybe even worried, but he played a big role in raising you so while Tony was the overprotective parent, Happy was the comforting parent (not that he’d ever let anyone know that).

“A date?” The tone of your dad’s voice made you roll your eyes at him.

“I’m a grown woman. I’m allowed to go on dates.”

Your dad let out a quiet harumph at that, but understood where you were coming from. “I know, sweetheart. Forgive me for being a bit overprotective of my little girl.”

“I get it. I appreciate your concern,” you said with a smile, “but this is good for me. You want grandkids eventually, right?”

“Oh god,” your dad groaned, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’m not old enough to be a grandpa but I’m old enough to have a heart attack at the mention of it.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“So what’s this person’s name?” Pepper piped up. You visibly tensed and internally panicked. You couldn’t just admit it was Bucky after denying anything there. But his name was technically pretty common...

“His name is James.”

Rhodey snapped his fingers and pointed at you as he said, “I like him already.”

‘Yeah, sure you do,’ you thought. The sight of your dad narrowing his eyes at you and crossing his arms as he stood in the entryway of your apartment made you nervous. Maybe James wasn’t good enough to get him off your trail (probably because he was right).

“How did you meet this guy?” Tony asked.

If anyone else had asked, you would’ve said ‘work,’ but that’s the last place you could say to your dad — with whom you worked.

“Uhh, at the grocery store. We accidentally followed each other and got a lot of the same food so he jokingly accused me of stalking him and we just hit it off,” you rattled off. It’s a good thing he didn’t know how your friend Monique met her girlfriend or he’d know you were lying.

“That’s so cute,” Pepper cooed. She was definitely the more relaxed of your parents, possibly because she wasn’t your biological mom. She had been raising you since you were ten though, so she played a big part in your upbringing.

“Text me his last name so I can run a background check,” your dad said. You’d love to think he was joking, but you knew he was serious.

And as much as you knew you’d regret it, you had to make a joke…

“His last name is Barnes,” you said, keeping your face as serious as possible. “James Barnes. I actually know his middle name too: Buchanan.”

“[Y/N] [Y/M/N] [Y/L/N], you better be joking right now,” Tony said. He was already getting red in the face, clearly unenthused at the prospect of you dating the man who, admittedly, killed his parents — your grandparents. Yeah, understandable.

“I’m obviously kidding,” you said, forcing a laugh. “It’s just funny that they have the same first name and you’re so anti-Bucky.”

“You’re gonna send me to an early grave,” he muttered. “I’m going home before I actually have a heart attack.”

You said your goodbyes and ‘I love you’s before you and Morgan put on your pajamas and set up a pillow fort in the middle of your living room to watch her favorite sleepover movie: “Shrek.”

As the movie went on, you leaned back in the fort to take a photo of Morgan with the movie in the background. Well, the back of Morgan’s head as she was engrossed in the movie she’d seen a million times.

[Image attached] She’s got her teddy bear but where’s my Bucky Bear? 🥺

Across the city, Bucky’s phone buzzed from its spot on the kitchen counter as he made himself a late dinner. He didn’t recognize the number, but smiled when he saw the picture of who he assumed was your sister or niece.

I never got an invite. Looks like more fun than my night.

You smiled to yourself when you saw his reply, rolling your eyes at the lack of exclamation points and emojis. Typical man.

What does your night look like?

Eating a late dinner and talking to you.

Talking to me isn’t fun?! I’m hurt 😢

Not as fun as actually being with you.

Even though he wasn’t there and didn’t say it verbally, you could feel your cheeks get hot at his words.

There’s no way sweet talk like that didn’t get you in more than four beds.

You’re still on that? I swear doll, I have the same number as you.

Whatever you say! 🙄

There was a lull in conversation after that, giving you time to move your sister to lie on her back with pillows and blankets in the fort so she could sleep more comfortably.

Are we still going out tomorrow?

You let the next Shrek movie start automatically, but you didn’t pay any attention as you texted Bucky.

I’m still down if you are 👀

You sent him your address and let him know you’d wait on the front steps for him so he didn’t have to come all the way up. With the exchange of ‘good night’ messages, you drifted asleep to the sounds of Shrek 2.

•

The next morning, you somehow managed to wake up before your sister, then brought her back to the land of the living with the smell of French toast.

You spent your day watching another movie with Morgan before fixing lunch and taking her to a park down the road. Morgan’s childhood was definitely different from yours. Happy was the one who took you to parks and shopping, but Tony parented at home. Morgan would have the same early experiences, but the world knew Tony and Pepper had a daughter. They kept her identity hidden for now, waiting until she could decide if she wanted to reveal herself later in life. The world never knew about you.

And you had to be somewhat grateful for that. You still got all the perks of being a Stark — the money, the Tower, meeting the Avengers (and having James Rhodes as your godfather) — without the stress of fame. But part of you still wished you could talk about your father without keeping his occupation vague and referring to him as “Anthony” when telling stories instead of Tony.

Morgan also got to know her mom. You only spent the first seven years of your life with your mom before she was killed in a drive-by shooting. The police investigated it like crazy because everyone thought since it was Tony Stark’s wife, it had to be a targeted hit. But since she never took the same jogging route twice, all they came up with was an unplanned drive-by. You cherished the memories you had with her, but still openly welcomed Pepper when she came into the picture. She may not have played the same type of role in your life, but she helped shape your middle and high school years.

By the time you and Morgan got back to your place, she was exhausted, climbing back into the still-intact blanket fort to take a nap. When your dad and Pepper stopped by to pick her up, she was still knocked out.

“We’ll get out of your hair so you can get ready for your date,” your dad said with Morgan in his arms. “Send me this James guy’s last name. I still want to run a background check.”

“Dad,” you grumbled. “I already did my research. He’s clear.” Kind of. He technically has murdered hundreds of people, including your grandparents, but he’s reformed and fighting for the good guys now. Not that your dad would let it slide if you told him that.

“That’s my girl,” he grinned. “Let me know if you need to hide any bodies, okay?”

“You got it,” you said with a laugh as they headed out. You had two hours to get ready for Bucky, giving you plenty of time to look extra cute.

By the time six rolled around, you were all dolled up and ready to go. The autumn weather had you in a jacket and boots, but that just pulled your outfit together.

Your doorman Matt was standing inside the lobby when you ran downstairs, tossing him a small wave as you left.

“Have a good night, Miss [Y/L/N],” he said with a nod.

“See you later, Matt!”

You stood at the bottom of your building’s front steps, checking your phone and looking up and down the block for Bucky. It was six on the dot, so you figured he’d be there soon.

“Hey!” You looked up from your phone to see Bucky jogging toward you, a black leather jacket covering his arms and a black glove hiding his left hand. “Sorry I’m late. I couldn’t get away from Sam. Had to tell him I was gonna check out my old stomping grounds in Brooklyn.”

“You’re, like, 30 seconds late. I’m just glad you’re here,” you said with a smile. “So what are we doing tonight?”

Bucky’s smile faltered as he looked down at you. Your boots gave you a bit of a height bump, but Bucky still stood taller than you.

“I, uh, I kinda thought you had something planned,” he said softly.

“Oh, oops,” you laughed. “Well… what about those Brooklyn stomping grounds of yours? Care to show me around?”

Bucky lit up at the recommendation and started leading the way to the nearest subway stop. Before you started down the stairs, he paused and turned to you with a sour expression.

“I probably should’ve asked if you’d rather get a cab,” he said.

“Bucky, I take the subway to work every day. It’s fine.”

“Why do you take the train? You don’t live too far away.” You two made your way down the steps to the bustling station.

“It’s just easier. Less work for me,” you explained. “I didn’t take the train much as a kid so I like taking the opportunity now that I can.”

“Most people don’t willingly take the subway,” he laughed. “Steve and I always used to talk about how we’d be rich enough to have a car someday. But now that I could get any car I wanted, I don’t think I want one. I like the subway.”

“Even though it’s smelly and dirty?” you joked.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “It’s one of the things that still reminds me of home.”

The gentleness in his voice nearly brought you to tears. This man had been through so much and was still the sweetest soul you’d ever met. Forced into a war he didn’t want to join, experimented on, tortured and brainwashed, hunted by every government in the world, captured, frozen, and forced into another war and more battles he shouldn’t have to join. He just couldn’t catch a break.

“Well I’m excited to see what else reminds you of home,” you replied.

The trains to and through Brooklyn were relatively busy so you and Bucky couldn’t really talk much, but it was a Saturday night so you couldn’t blame people for getting out. It was tough to find seats, but Bucky was willing to stand to make sure you could have a seat. Ever the gentleman.

When you made it to Bucky’s Brooklyn stop of choice, he started telling you more stories from the ‘40s, like when Steve couldn’t get off the train in time and accidentally went down another stop so Bucky ran to the next stop and found Steve heading his way anyway. And how he and Steve followed his sister Rebecca on a date “to watch out for her,” he said, and her date thought they were stalking her and tried to beat them up. And all the fights he pulled Steve out of.

“Punk was a chihuahua who thought he was a Rottweiler.”

For a while, you two walked around the streets of Brooklyn just telling each other stories. You were careful about names you used, often just calling Happy “Uncle Harry” and Rhodey “Uncle James.”

Bucky showed you the movie theater he and Steve used to go to, which was surprisingly still in business. You walked past what used to be a diner Bucky frequented but was converted into a bridal shop.

“This used to be a magic store Steve loved,” he said, looking up at the bank on the corner of the street. “Things have changed a lot.”

You heard the nostalgia in his voice, clearly missing the New York he grew up to love. He had a soft smile on his lips as he reminisced, though.

“What about where you lived?” you asked. “Do you remember where that is?”

“Oh yeah,” he chuckled. “I could never forget that.”

Everything was within a fifteen minute walk of where you got off the subway so even though your feet were getting tired, you followed alongside Bucky as he led the way up and down the streets. Before too long, you strode up to a large brick building that had clearly been remodeled recently, if the fresh windows and front doors were any indication.

“It’s… a lot nicer than when I lived here,” Bucky said with a sigh. “But it’s been nearly 100 years so I can’t blame them for updating things.”

“Brooklyn is kind of booming now, too,” you added. “More people to appeal to, ya know?”

You stared up at him again, seeing that same lost look as before, like he wished to turn back time and show you the Brooklyn he knew. So you decided since he couldn’t do that, you’d show him the Brooklyn you knew.

“Come here. My turn to show you around,” you said, holding your hand out to him. He gave you a small smile before grabbing your hand in his and letting you pull him back to the subway.

Ten minutes later, you hopped off the train with Bucky in tow and headed to the little Italian restaurant you found while exploring the city a couple years before. It wasn’t anything elaborate; it was honestly more of a little hole-in-the-wall, but you liked the quiet atmosphere.

“Bella!” the owner shouted as you walked in.

“Hey Genny,” you smiled at him.

“Who’s this?” he asked as he approached you, raising his eyebrows when he saw Bucky.

“This is James,” you said. You opted against using his more common nickname to avoid any recognition.

“James, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Gennaro, but you can call me Genny. Welcome to my restaurant.” The two men shook hands before Genny ushered you two to a table and handed you menus. “Would you like to start with focaccia?”

“Yes please!”

“Con formaggi?”

“Si! Grazie!”

Gennaro left you and Bucky while he started your appetizer.

“You speak Italian?” Bucky asked.

“Definitely not,” you laughed. “I’ve just been coming here for a while and have picked up on some things Genny says. Like ‘bella’ means ‘beautiful,’ this pizza,” you pointed to your favorite pizza on the menu, “‘cinque formaggi’ means ‘five cheese.’ But I could never hold a conversation.”

“Un peccato,” Bucky sighed before flashing a smile at you.

“You speak Italian?!” you nearly shrieked. “No way! Don’t talk shit with Gennaro behind my back.” You pouted at Bucky, but knew he wouldn’t say anything bad about you. Maybe an embarrassing moment or two — like your dad walking in on you between his knees — but nothing negative.

“I picked it up pretty quickly back in the day,” Bucky explained. “Before I was sent to Germany, I was stationed in a small town in Italy for a while. The locals didn’t mind having us there because we kept the Nazis out, so they taught us some Italian when we were in town.”

“Maybe I should take Gennaro up on his offer to learn Italian,” you mused.

“Or you could learn from me,” Bucky was quick to offer. “I’ll teach you some stuff when you’re working on my arm.”

Your server arrived with the focaccia and water for both of you, before giving you more time to actually look at the menus instead of talking. You decided to split a bottle of red wine and two pizzas, one of your choice and one of Bucky’s. As the night went on, you and Bucky both opened up to each other even more than before. You could easily blame the buzz from a couple glasses of wine, but Bucky’s super soldier serum made you confused. His cheeks were flushed and he had more than half the bottle, so you wondered if maybe...

“Can you still get drunk?”

“Unlike Steve, yes. It takes more than this,” he said, lifting the nearly empty bottle of wine, “but since Steve and I received different serums, they work a little differently. I can definitely get drunk. Marijuana admittedly hits harder.”

You paused as you stared back at him, his elbows perched on the table and his clasped hands propped under his chin.

“Are you drunk now?”

“No,” he laughed quietly. “A little tipsy, sure, but not drunk by a long shot.”

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully, reluctantly accepting that he was just as buzzed as you but not quite drunk.

Before long, your server brought over your tab and you realized how empty the restaurant had gotten. Then you noticed the broom and mop the server had brought out to the floor, then the dark ‘open’ sign, and finally the clock on the wall.

“You closed 20 minutes ago and didn’t kick us out?” you shouted at Gennaro. “Genny, you can always kick me out! I feel bad!”

Gennaro walked over to your table as you scrambled for your wallet and handed the server your card to run.

“I can’t kick you out, bella. You and your moroso are welcome any time.”

“I think this poor girl would beg to differ,” you said as the server handed your card and signature slip back. She just laughed at your comment, agreeing without saying it outright.

You left a hefty tip and hugged Genny before you and Bucky, both still a bit tipsy, shuffled outside.

“Thanks for buying dinner,” Bucky said. “This means I get to pay next time, though.”

He said it so casually and you already planned on another date, but it still kind of caught you off guard.

“Next time?” You smiled up at him and took a step closer until you were almost toe-to-toe. “There’s gonna be a ‘next time’?”

“I sure hope there is,” he said quietly, his smirk sending a rush up your spine.

“If you insist,” you sighed. He knew better than to believe you weren’t excited for your future plans. “I’m cold. Care to get an Uber with me?”

He gently grabbed your shoulders and spun you around, pulling the loose opening of his jacket over your arms and wrapping his arms around you to help keep you warm.

“Well, yeah. I need to make sure you get home safe so ‘next time’ can happen,” Bucky said as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“You know, I don’t usually let men spoon me on the first date,” you joked as you tapped away to order an Uber.

“I can stop, if you want,” he teased.

You gripped his arm as he started to pull away. “I never said that.”

Bucky rode back to your place with you, keeping conversation casual as you both avoided the controversy you were about to face: to kiss on the first date or not. You never really had any issues with it before, but you already really liked Bucky. You didn’t want to risk messing it up by moving too fast. But what grown man would think a kiss on a first date was too fast? Well… maybe one born in the early 1900s…

Before your thoughts could throw you into a downward spiral, the driver pulled up outside your apartment complex. Bucky stepped out first and held the door open for you to scoot out after him. As you stood at the bottom of the stairs to your building, you felt those nerves creeping up on you again. God, you hadn’t felt this nervous about a date since high school.

“I had fun tonight,” Bucky said first, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Me too,” you smiled back. “I’m excited for what you plan for next time.”

Bucky laughed at this, the crinkle of his nose making your own smile grow. God, you wanted to invite him inside already. In your defense, you’ve known him for a full month and spent even longer getting heart-eyes over him in college.

But you reined in your hormones and just took a step closer to him to rest your hands on his chest. His right hand came up to rest on your waist, but he kept the metal hand in his pocket. With your hand placement, you could feel the thrum of his heartbeat and judging by the pace, you knew you were both on the same page. As you were trying to shove your nerves aside, Bucky asked the one question you were hoping for.

“Can I kiss you?”

Knowing he wanted this as much as you did relieved some of your nerves, but also made the moment that much more real. You smiled up at him and nodded your head.

“Yes, please do.”

You perched up on your toes to meet him halfway, letting his lips mold to yours. His hold on your waist tightened as he pulled you closer; you gripped the lapel of his jacket in your fists. Suddenly the cold of the night no longer existed. All you could feel was the warmth radiating off of him as he held you close. He pulled back for a second before diving right back in, this time nipping at your bottom lip. You giggled against him, but didn’t stop him from taking the innocent kiss a step further. Your hands slid from his chest to the nape of his neck before tangling into his long hair. The vibration from his moan as you tugged on his hair ran straight down your spine, making it even harder to leave the date alone.

Reluctantly, you both pulled apart just enough for your noses to brush against each other, the stubble of his beard still tickling your nose. You opened your eyes enough to see the smile on his lips as he pulled back a bit more to see your face.

“I’ll see you Monday?” you said quietly, as if speaking any louder would break you two out of your bubble.

“See you Monday, [Y/N],” Bucky replied just as quietly. His hand slipped from your waist as you backed away, biting your lip at him before you turned and scurried up the steps. Bucky stood on the sidewalk until he could see the light in your apartment flick on, just to make sure you were safe.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x Stark!reader #bucky barnes x stark!reader #Stark!reader #dad!tony #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fic

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ifmywishescametrue · 4 years ago

Note

and bc i have no self control. #41 kisses to shut them up for rhodeytony

So this one spiraled so quickly, because I also have no self control! And now it’s a 3.4k words of 5+1 for Rhodey and Tony’s first kisses together. Hope you like it :)

The first time is something of a joke. Tony is doing that rambling thing like always, hands moving around rapidly and coming dangerously close to smacking passersby in the face. He gets more than a few dirty looks for it, but he doesn’t seem to be noticing. Rhodey isn’t even sure what he’s ranting about anymore. Maybe one of his professors, or that annoying guy in his physics class. All he does know is that he wants to get to the cafeteria before they run out of pizza and Tony walks slow when he’s talking. So Rhodey grabs him by the wrist when his hand flies in front of him again, spinning him around and planting his lips firmly against Tony’s for just a moment. It does the job of stunning him into silence, but it also makes him freeze completely on the sidewalk. Rhodey keeps walking, and Tony has to run to catch back up.

“What was that for?” Tony asks, eyes wide.

Rhodey shrugs, “Had to shut you up somehow.”

Tony makes an offended squawking sound, hitting Rhodey with the too long sleeve of his sweatshirt. Rhodey’s sweatshirt, technically.

“That’s rude,” Tony says. “You’re getting me ice cream to make it up to me.”

Rhodey laughs, slinging his arm over Tony’s shoulders to pull him along. “Whatever you want, Tones.”

______________

If the first was a joke, the second is just the repeat performance. Between Rhodey’s basic training and Tony’s recent and sudden rise to CEO, it’s been almost three months since the last time they’ve seen each other. Basic has him questioning everything and feeling like a bit of failure. He should have been able to handle it better. The homesickness, the pressure, the constant grind of work. It’s been the dream for so long that he doesn’t know what to do with the feeling he has now.

“Maybe I should quit.”

Tony snorts inelegantly, “Pretty sure that’s called deserting and it’s a crime.”

“So I’ll go on the run,” Rhodey argues, like it’s a perfectly reasonable response. “I’ll move to Tahiti or Fiji or one of those other islands. Wait, you have a private island, right? I could go there, and if anyone comes for me, I’ll just take a rowboat out to sea, and they won’t have any jurisdiction on the water to arrest me. I’m pretty sure that’s a thing. Right? It’s -”

Tony’s lips are a little sticky from the beer he’s been drinking, and his hands are warm where they cup Rhodey’s cheeks. He doesn’t understand what’s happening or why, and at first he can’t think enough to react. When he can think again he can’t decide whether to push him off or kiss him back, and he still hasn’t reached a conclusion when Tony pulls away. He doesn’t know if it lasted two seconds or two minutes, and it’s confusing to realize that he isn’t sure which he would prefer.

“Wow, that is effective,” Tony grins. “Thought maybe it was just me it works on, but I should try that on board members sometime if it’s that good.”

Rhodey gapes at him when he connects the pieces. “Seriously, Tony? That happened two years ago, and I’m in the middle of a crisis right now.”

"No, you were spiralling and now you’re not," Tony says simply. "Situation resolved by not talking about it."

"That's not how that works."

"Of course it is. How do you think most fires get put out? By putting a lid on them until they die."

"Alright, ignoring that that's not even true, what the hell does it even mean?"

"It's very true, and what it means is that I have put a lid on this irrational fire, so it doesn't have the chance to spread and ignite the rest of your life. Containment, honeybear. It's about containment."

"That's a terrible analogy," Rhodey says, and Tony tosses his hands in the air.

"What do you want from me on the spot?"

They spend most of the night trying to come up with something better, laughing and drinking the rest of the beer in Tony's fridge, until Rhodey forgets that he was ever stressed in the first place.

______________

Their third kiss is an accident. It happens somewhere in between Rhodey deciding that he hates Tony's new boyfriend and him realizing exactly why that is.

He comes back from six months overseas, and it's a few days ahead of what he was expecting. He told Tony Thursday, but his plane touches down in California on Tuesday morning, and he gives the taxi driver Tony's address without a second thought. Tony likes surprises, and he has no reason to think this might be a bad one.

He uses his key to let himself in, fully knowing that Tony won't be awake yet to answer the door. The first traces of sun are just starting to filter in through the windows, and Rhodey sets his duffle bag down near the door before moving into the kitchen. Tony's refrigerator is nearly barren, but there are a few eggs and a green pepper that would be rotten by tomorrow that he can make due with. He finds an onion, too, and falls into a rhythm while dicing vegetables.

It's this kind of thing that he misses when he's away. He misses having a kitchen and making what he wants in it, even if this isn't his kitchen or his first choice of food. But he misses the simplicity of it all. Life on the base seems alternate between too fast and too slow, but this is all his own pace.

He hears footsteps on the stairs a little after the eggs hit the pan, and he glances over his shoulder to watch Tony shuffle into the room while rubbing his tired eyes. If he had stayed turned around a little longer, their third kiss wouldn't have happened at all. By the time Tony opens his eyes, Rhodey's back is to him again.

Instead of instantly reacting, Tony slowly wanders over and puts his hand on Rhodey's shoulder. The words are mumbled when he says, "You're up way too early," and Rhodey doesn't have time to process how strange the sentence is, because he's being kissed the second his head turns. Not the shut up kind of kiss or even that sort of friendly peck he's seen people do sometimes. It's the kind where Tony's tongue is slipping between his lips, and his hand is wandering lower. The kind that friends don't share, but lovers definitely do.

Rhodey falls into it without question.

The spatula clatters to the floor from his hand, and Tony laughs into the kiss before pulling back. There's a grin and a joke on his lips that's quickly replaced by dawning horror.

"Rhodey?" Tony squeaks out. His hand flies up to cover his mouth, and through it Rhodey hears, "Oh, shit." He looks down at the complete lack of space between their bodies, dropping the hand to raise them both in front of himself like a defense as he backs away a couple of steps. "Fuck, I'm so fucking sorry. I thought - you weren't supposed to be here yet. Thursday. That's - you said Thursday. Didn't you?"

It's like ice water with how quickly the warmth of that kiss leaves his body.

Rhodey raises an eyebrow and plays at unaffected. "I did, yeah. Seems like you should attack an intruder instead of kissing them, though."

Tony's cheeks turn a vibrant shade of red, and he runs a still shaky hand through his hair.

"I thought you were someone else," he sheepishly admits. "It's just that from behind you, um, well you look a lot like Ryan, and he wasn't in bed still when I got up, so I came down here, and, uh, I guess you know the rest of that story."

Ryan, Rhodey's mind bitterly repeats. The guy Tony's spent the last three months talking about on the phone and in his letters. It's always about him in some way. He told me the funniest story yesterday, Rhodey or Isn't he so romantic, platypus? But Tony seems happy, so he fakes a laugh at a story that definitely isn't funny retold and agrees that string quartets are romantic instead of horribly cliché. He helps him plan dates when it's Tony's turn, because apparently that's yet another adorable thing they do together.

He just barely suppresses the sigh before saying, "Don't worry about it, Tones. It's all good."

Tony looks relieved, and after an awkward minute or two they fall back into their normal conversation like it never happened. They talk about the missions Rhodey has flown for and the designs Tony has been working on between bites of burned eggs and coffee.

Neither of them ever mention that Rhodey kissed him back.

______________

Tony and Rhodey are both drunk for the fourth. The music is loud at the club, and the air is a smoky haze. It's someone's birthday, he thinks, but he can't really remember anymore by the fifth shot of tequila.

He leans back against the bar on his elbows, watching in drunken amusement while Tony tries to put the moves on someone to hold up his end of the bet. The guy looks like he isn’t quite sure what’s happening, and Rhodey laughs into the rim of his glass. All he needs is one kiss, and Rhodey will be out the contents of his wallet. He isn't even sure what those contents are, and Tony wouldn't let him check before the handshake. It could be anywhere from a nickel to fifty bucks, he figures, which is worth it to watch this complete trainwreck.

It takes another ten minutes of flirting before Tony finally gives up and comes back over to the bar.

“Loser,” Rhodey teases. “What happened to having ‘game so good a straight man would fall to his knees?’”

Tony flips him off and steals the glass from his hand. “He has a girlfriend, which is the only reason it didn’t happen.”

“He didn’t even realize that you were flirting with him, did he?” Rhodey laughs, and Tony pouts pitifully.

“The no touching rule wasn’t fair.”

“A good bet doesn’t involve actual harassment,” Rhodey reasons, just like he did earlier in the night. “If you can’t get them to kiss you by flirting with just words, they wouldn’t want you touching them in the first place. It’s called consent.”

Tony rolls his eyes, “I do not need to be taught about consent. I am the king of consent. Enthusiastic, resounding consent, even.” He pauses, and there’s a dangerous look in his eyes when he narrows them at Rhodey. “Okay, I know that this about to go against everything I just said, but it’s you, and we don’t have rules, right?”

“What?”

“Just say yes.”

“Yes to what?”

Tony leans in with enough time that if Rhodey really wanted to, he could pull away. He could put his hand over Tony’s mouth or step to the side or simply tell him no and Tony wouldn’t do it.

But he doesn’t do any of those things.

He lets Tony cup the back of his neck to tilt his head to the right angle, and he threads his hand into Tony’s hair in return. His lips taste like the vodka and cranberry juice from the stolen glass, until Rhodey has kissed him so thoroughly that he can’t taste it anymore.

“There,” Tony says, grinning proudly like he’s just done something exceptionally smart. His breath is coming quickly, and Rhodey’s head is spinning with the thought that he’s the one that did that to him. “I got a straight man to kiss me. Pay up.”

Rhodey laughs, full-bodied with his head tilted back. “No, man. You definitely didn’t.”

Tony’s still a little too drunk to fully understand what he means by that, and he takes it as if Rhodey’s saying that he stole the kiss, rather than earned it. He spends most of the night after that trying to get him to kiss him again on his own accord, but Rhodey doesn’t want another one like that. He wants Tony’s soft-eyed gaze on him, and his body held tight in his arms. He wants to hear him say the same words he’s saying right now, but to have him actually mean it when he says the word please. Like he won’t be able to live for another second without Rhodey’s lips on his.

He doesn’t want the joke anymore, but he knows he won’t ever get to have the real thing.

______________

Rhodey is half asleep for kiss number five, and he isn’t even quite sure that it actually happens. He’s lying in a hospital bed somewhere in Germany, he thinks, and machines are beeping all around him. He can’t really remember what brought him here as he drifts in and out. There was some kind of fight - that much is obvious. He sees flashes of bullets in the sky, flames, and a rapidly plummeting altitude reading. Was it a mission gone wrong? An attack they weren’t expecting? One of the machines ticks a little faster when he tries to clear his head enough to think about it, and then darkness takes over again.

When he partially wakes the next time, there’s something warm and solid in his hand. It shifts a little, brushing lightly in circles over his skin, and it takes him a longer amount of time than it should to realize that it’s another hand. But when he does, he knows without a doubt who it belongs to, and the thought sends him back into sleep with a warm feeling in his chest.

He finds out later that he was unconscious for three days, and Tony hardly leaves his side for a minute of it. Rhodey doesn’t want to say how that makes him feel, so he falls back on what he does know how to say.

“You should really at least go back to the hotel to take a shower. You’re starting to smell, man,” he says after the doctor leaves the room.

Tony gives him a weak laugh, running his hand through his hair and grimacing at the oily texture. "Maybe in a little bit. You just woke up."

Rhodey shifts against the pillows, tilting his head to get a good look at him. His clothes might be the same ones he showed up here in, all wrinkled with a coffee stain on one of his sleeves. The circles under his eyes are darker than he's ever quite seen them before, and he looks too pale.

Tony isn't supposed to look like that.

He's supposed to be sunlight embodied, all tanned skin and bright eyes and fluid motion. But this Tony is slumped over in his chair, small and fragile looking like the wrong word could destroy him completely. This Tony offers him a brave face and a delicate smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and Rhodey can't stand it. Can't stand that it's his own fault he looks like that.

Stretching his arm out, he turns over his hand to open his palm. The movement tugs at his injured shoulder, but he grits his teeth to hide the pain and it's worth it to have Tony's hand back in his where it belongs. He squeezes gently, and Tony squeezes back.

"You almost died," Tony whispers. "You're not allowed to die."

"I won't do it again," Rhodey says, even though they both know he can't make that promise.

Tony nods, and for now that can be enough. He switches the topic to something else so they don't have to talk about it anymore. So Tony doesn't have to say what the last three days felt like, and Rhodey doesn't have to admit that his last thought before the plane went down was regret that he'd never get to have this again.

Tony makes him laugh until his battered ribs are aching with it, until they've talked about everything and nothing and sleep is pulling at Rhodey again. It's hard to keep his eyes open, and he fights it until he can't any longer.

A hand runs over his hair, and down the side of his face to linger on his cheek. Rhodey leans into the touch with closed eyes as Tony murmurs, "I'll come back tomorrow. Don't you dare do anything stupid like dying while I'm gone."

He feels the warmth of Tony's breath on his skin the moment before Tony kisses him. It's a barely there, wisp of a thing, right on the corner of his mouth. There one instant, then gone the next. It's the last thing he feels before slipping into sleep again.

______________

“I’m so old,” Tony groans, flopping down on the beach chair next to Rhodey’s. “Ancient. Decrepit. On death’s door.”

“You’re thirty,” Rhodey says, and he laughs at the pout on Tony’s face. “I’m a year older than you. What does that make me then?”

“A senior citizen, just like me.”

Rhodey lifts his beer from where the bottle was balancing in the sand and clinks it with the bottle in Tony’s hand. “Welcome to the club then. We’re happy to have you.”

Tony kicks off his shoes and tucks his feet under his thighs as he settles back in the chair. It’s quiet out here on the beach, away from the crowds and noise from the party. The crashing of the waves and the distant thrum of music are the only sounds, and they watch the water in the still of the night for a while.

“Don’t you want to get back to the party?” Rhodey asks softly, unwilling to break their bubble of peace. “It’s for you.”

Tony shakes his head. “I like it better out here.”

“Want me to kick everyone out for you?”

Tony looks over his shoulder at the house, filled to the brim and lights flashing from every window. He leans over the inch between their chairs and rests his head on Rhodey’s shoulder. “No, they can have their fun in there, and I can have mine here.”

Rhodey cards his hand through Tony’s hair, feeling warm despite the cool breeze. “This is fun for you, huh? Sitting in silence?”

“It’s always good with you,” Tony murmurs, so quiet that Rhodey almost loses it to the ocean. He’ll always be thankful that he didn’t.

He lets his hand go lower, slipping from his hair to run his thumb along Tony’s jaw, and it would be so easy, he thinks, to kiss him right now. To tilt Tony’s chin up and turn his head to the side just a little. To brush their lips together, slowly at first, then steadily growing more desperate as he gives in to everything he’s wanted for so long. He thinks of the way Tony would sound, if he would sigh or moan or whimper under his mouth. Tony would be sticky sweet from the buttercream on the cupcakes from earlier, and Rhodey would taste sugar on his tongue.

“Rhodey,” Tony whispers, looking up at him. The moon is reflected in the deep brown of his eyes, and Rhodey wants to keep this image of him in him in his mind forever. “Can I tell you what I wished for?”

“Won’t come true if you do,” Rhodey whispers back.

“I think it’s the only way it might,” Tony answers, and he seems even closer than he was before.

“What did you wish for?”

Tony’s cheeks are flushed, and Rhodey thinks for a moment that he’s going to lose his nerve to say whatever it is. He’s ready for the joke instead, but it never comes.

“For you to kiss me,” Tony says with an unsteady breath. “For it to mean something when you do.”

Rhodey slides his hand a little higher, and he strokes across Tony’s cheekbone. He doesn’t miss the way that Tony’s eyes flicker down to his lips. “And what do you want it to mean?”

“Everything.”

“Everything,” Rhodey repeats, and Tony smiles, soft and unsure. “I think I can manage that.”

______________

Years later, Tony still likes to tease Rhodey about their first kiss, except now it's become their thing. The interrupted sentences sometimes get finished after and sometimes don't because kissing Tony is more important than whatever it was that he had to say in the first place.

He loses count of what number they’re on. One thousand or one million, it could never be enough. They have all kinds of kisses now. Early morning, sleep-hazed kisses, and quick, little pecks on the way out the door. Good night kisses that turn passionate and desperate as often as they stay innocent and sweet. Reluctant ones when Tony is mad at him for something silly, lingering ones in apology.

Each one still means everything.

#rhodeytony #ironhusbands #my writing #my fic #prompt fill #warmachinesocks

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lovelyirony · 4 years ago

Text

the much anticipated second part for the amnesia-related fic.

A wedding ring.

This doesn’t mean that he and Tony are married except that he hasn’t seen Tony with a wedding ring and he hasn’t mentioned a wife and he doesn’t sound like he has a wife and if Rhodey-if Jim had a wife, then wouldn’t he know about her? Wouldn’t they have met by now? He may not know Tony yet, but he doesn’t think that he would be that cruel.

“Colonel Rhodes-”

“Friday, don’t,” Jim says, swatting at the air. “What-why did you hide that from me?”

“Sir believed it would be best,” Friday answers, tone almost quieter. “He...wasn’t sure that you would understand.”

“I don’t understand,” he says. “Why would I marry him of all people? He’s not exactly my type.”

“Since I am a learning program, I cannot say for sure. Humans do a lot of illogical things.”

He’s trying to wrap his head around it and avoid Tony at the same time.

Friday won’t let him see any wedding pictures, not until he remembers more.

Even though he’s been (mostly) successful at avoiding Tony for about a week and a half, the man is still so nice.

He’s still operating under the assumption that Jim has no idea that they’re married, and he does stuff like leave out a cup of coffee and offer breakfast up or ask if he wants pizza for dinner.

Jim reads too much into it.

And he doesn’t know why, because it’s not like anything has really changed, except for the fact that Tony won’t call him Rhodey.

Jim gave him permission to, saw how much it killed him with every correction and every reminder. Told him “you can call me Rhodey, if you want.”

And he doesn’t.

Tony never does.

He still almost says it, but Jim is quicker on the tongue, and he doesn’t make a move to try to push any memories at all.

(Even though he remembers how happy Tony was to hear that memory about grocery shopping and Dum-E’s code source.)

He does want to remember. He wants to remember why he apparently married Tony and was genuine about it, why Pepper and him are best friends and never were anything more, why he’s...why he’s so different from what he wanted.

Tony knows that Jim’s acting differently. He’s not sure why. He’s not sure he wants to know why, because that might complicate everything.

And he doesn’t want another thing to be wrong. Everyone’s walking on eggshells around him except for the one damn person that probably should be, but Rhodey’s never been good at following rules. (But he’s good at fooling people.)

Pepper talks to Tony a lot. Asks him how he’s doing, if there’s anything she can do.

Repair someone’s memory is a little bit outside of her area of expertise.

“It’ll be okay,” she says, putting her tiny hand over his. “Things will work out.”

They both know that in Tony’s life, luck has never been quite what it seems. Or existent at all, at times.

Ironically, it’s their anniversary of the wedding when Jim remembers something else. It actually comes in the form of looking in the fridge and not finding his apples.

“Quit leaving honey-crisp off of the list just because you don’t like them you asshole,” he calls to Tony.

Tony almost yelps.

“Out of everything in your life and that’s what you remember? Your stupidly sweet apples?”

“Are you gonna get them?”

“Why don’t you come with me?” Tony asks, “just so that you can get your apples and maybe get out of the house for once.”

“Hmph. Fine,” Jim answers. “Where’s my coat?”

“Uh...” Tony trails off, trying to find the words. “Third peg on the...right, I think?”

“You’ve known me for years, and you don’t know where my coat is?”

Rhodey is always the one to hang up his coat, and then put his arms out for Tony’s.

“To be fair, I am important and fancy and a big deal,” Tony scoffs. “Come on, go get your coat and then I’m going to show you what horrible things you buy from the store.”

“It’s not that bad. And what, you don’t like good apples?”

“As sour as can be, sourpatch. As sour as can be.”

Grocery shopping with Tony is...interesting. He didn’t think it would take so long.

“This is why you don’t usually come,” Tony teases him. “I take so long and you end up sitting in the car and cursing at Pepper or Happy about how much time I spend dedicated to snack-judging.”

“And I put up with that?”

“You do,” Tony says, grabbing the cart. “Because you love me and you deal with a lot worse from me.”

“Like what?”

“Best not to talk about it,” Tony says. “We’re in public after all, honey.”

“Ugh, boo,” Rhodey teases. “Give me the list. I bet I can speed-run this.”

“How? Technically, you don’t think you’ve ever been to this store before!” Tony exclaims with a gigantic, shit-eating grin.

“Way to rub it in you bastard,” he says with a laugh. “Now come on, I wanna see what kind of salad you think we’re gonna get.”

“Not you thinking you’re going to be eating junk food,” Tony sighs.

“I lost my memory!”

“That would’ve worked, like, two weeks ago. Now I know better.”

Grocery shopping is...fun. They make fun of foods and different products, and Tony shows him which things he might like.

“I like...I like fruit salad?”

“Yes, yes you do Rhodey-dear,” Tony says. “Your favorite thing in the world for fruit.”

“Seems suspicious.”

“You’ll have to try it again, then.”

Rhodey watches him as they’re shopping. He’s easy to be around, honestly. He has that sort of energy that makes you feel like he’s just happy to be in that moment.

Tony also has very questionable taste in everything.

“Quinoa?”

“What? You’ve eaten it before! It’s not your least favorite thing that I’ve cooked?”

“How is it not? Is it because I’m old?”

“No, not because you’re old,” Tony scowls. “When you’d come back from the service, you’d eat literally anything I put in front of you. I once gave you a block of cheese and you just sat there. Eating it.”

“There’s no way I did that.”

“You did! Ask Pepper, she has a picture of it!”

He goes back to quiet after that, remembering the picture.��

Jim isn’t even sure he wants to bring it up. He’s not even sure if he could love Tony again, and somehow that thought makes his head hurt.

He knows that apparently, he fell in love once.

So he needs answers.

Jim had talked to his parents, but he hadn’t really had an opportunity to talk about anything important. Try as he had to get more information out of them, they weren’t giving much up, except for parts about his military achievements and funny stories that he’s written to them about.

When he gets back home and he sees Mama, she knows.

“Come here baby,” she says, putting him into her arms. “Let me answer your questions.”

“Why him?”

Mama laughs, grinning up at him from her place on the couch.

“You reacted like this when you first started rooming together, too. I was worried that I’d be involved in a court case for attempted murder!”

“And you weren’t?”

“No,” Mama answers. “Instead, I get no phone call from you for three weeks, until the day before your holiday break started, and you told me that you were bringing who you used to call ‘the biggest nuisance since fruit flies’ home to Thanksgiving.”

“Why did I...why did I bring him?”

“I didn’t get that answered until he fell asleep,” she says. “I’m making you some coffee, alright dear?”

“Okay, so long as I get an answer.”

“So impatient,” she mutters as she makes her way to the kitchen, Jim following.

He watches how easily his mom pours the coffee, and remembers in a brief flash that Tony always would bring the fancy, flavored creamer to the holiday events.

“Oh come on,” Tony said. “You have gotten too used to my kindness, and there’s no reason to stop being kind. Besides, remember last year when you nearly cried because I bought creamer from the store? Yeah, not having a repeat of that.”

“And would that be so bad?” he teased Tony, wrapping an arm around his waist, and-

He blinks.

That was...that was definitely a new kind of memory.

“James, are you alright?” His mother is looking at him, and maybe she knows, maybe she doesn’t know that he just remembered something. He’s honestly not sure.

“Uh, yeah. Fine. I’m good.”

Mama looks across the room, smiling.

“He was a timid little thing when he got here. Fixed up the washing machine when it broke, just in time. Nearly wore a suit to dinner, said you didn’t tell him what kind of ‘casual’ we were going for...”

He snorts as he slowly remembers that one.

“What do you mean you didn’t mean a suit?!” Tony had wailed, gripping Rhodey’s shirt. “You said I had to dress nice!”

“I meant literally anything but your Black Sabbath shirt!”

“Why would I have worn my Black Sabbath shirt? Your mom would probably think I was a Satanist!”

They both look at each other for a moment, and Rhodey’s the first one to break and laugh.

“Listen you idiot, it won’t be so bad. We can just ditch the coat, ditch the tie, and you’ll be...okay. A bit nicer than most of us, but hey. That’s what I get for not telling you that suits are weird.”

“Suits are not weird, you’re just uneducated in what is sophisticated,” Tony says, turning his nose up as Rhodey rolls his eyes.

“Oh yeah, sure, because knowing which one is the dessert spoon is going to help me save people abroad. My bad.”

Tony looks back at him, and his heart skips a beat. It does. Really, it does.

It almost feels like someone’s reading back to him what he already knows at this point.

His mom squeezes his hand, smiling.

“You remember at least some of it, don’t you?”

“Well...uh, yeah? I-I do.”

“Does Tony know that you know that you’re...married?”

“No,” Rhodey says. “I know some, but not enough.”

“Give him a chance,” she says. “And get back home, I’m sure he’s missing you.”

Rhodey embraces his mother, and prepares for the drive home.

Being missed is a weird concept to deal with.

He also did not exactly think of that. So he’s currently driving back and checked his phone to seven missed calls from Tony, three from Pepper, and one text from Happy that simply reads “lol ur dead hahaha good luckkkkk”

Well shit.

Tony, understandably is pissed and scared and a tad upset.

Not a tad.

“Where were you?” He says as soon as Rhodey appears back in the kitchen. Tony’s hands wander close, and he almost leans in.

Almost.

“I was visiting my parents,” he responds. “Sorry, forgot to text.”

“Please remember next time, your-well, Tony’s annoying when you leave,” Pepper says.

(Okay Rhodey doesn’t know how they got away with this for so long, it’s really, really obvious that they’ve been covering it up.)

“I will,” Rhodey says. “Did I miss anything?”

“I’ve elected that we’re going to cook tonight,” Tony declares. “I am absolutely sick to death of takeout, and I’m pretty sure that with your lack of knowledge on recipes now, I have you beat in the kitchen.”

“I can still read recipes, you dumbass. Besides, I just remembered your stupid ‘bake’ hack for your stupid casserole dish, so...”

“Out of everything, and that’s the thing you remember today?!”

“Well, I also remembered that apparently you wore a suit to my house for Thanksgiving!”

Tony stops.

“What else you remember from that, or was it just that?”

He doesn’t want to say anything in front of Pepper, doesn’t want to say anything just yet.

“I remember that you were weird about your suit!”

Tony deflates a bit, but still smiles.

God, he looks gorgeous.

Rhodey blinks. Shakes his head out of the thought.

“So. What are we cooking?”

Tony and cooking is a very interesting concept because it shouldn’t work.

He never stops moving, can lose interest quickly, and Rhodey would think that he could burn water.

But he doesn’t. Tony hums along to music, and he tells him all about his favorite songs and why.

It’s not any rock music, any heavy metal.

“I don’t listen to that all the time,” Tony says. “You always think I do!”

“Oh right, because someone who personally has Angus Young’s number just casually isn’t someone who listens to the band all the time, sure,” Rhodey says sarcastically.

Tony grins, and it’s probably the best damned thing he’s seen all day.

His heart zings at the realization that Tony smiling is what makes him smile now, what makes him want to stay and learn so much more about how they came to be, what they’ve done together.

Dinner is fun. Tony tells him all about college and what they used to do, and what Rhodey had done.

Memories are coming back easier.

“You totally emailed the professor really petty responses!” Tony cries, laughing.

“It wasn’t that petty,” Rhodey said, huffing. “He was an asshole anyway, he hated whenever we would come late because we wanted coffee, and your order was too complicated!”

“It wasn’t that complicated!”

“Oh I’m sorry, them having it written down behind the register for when you come in?”

“Oh, like they didn’t have a description of you.”

“Yeah, as your long-suffering companion,” Rhodey teases.

“You’ve always been,” Tony says. “Because you’re the best.”

Rhodey stops stirring the pot for a moment.

“Rhodey? What is it?”

“I...”

Tony stands there, grinning. He’s nervously fidgeting, and it’s his move to say the vows.

“You know, I wasn’t ever sure you’d be up to marrying someone like me,” Tony confesses. “Especially since I almost burned down our dorm room one time.”

“Wasn’t just one time,” Rhodey teases. “But carry on.”

“You loser,” Tony says. “Even now, interrupting my heartfelt moment.”

There’s a ripple of laughter from the small crowd that’s gathered. Rhodey smiles at him, feels tears prick up around his eyes.

“But I knew that I loved you ever since you would always buy my favorite ramen even though you hated it, and you were the one to get the pizza when I was sad. I knew I wanted the chance of seeing you every day, coming home to you at the end of the day. You’re home, Rhodey. You’re it. No one else could ever possibly hold a candle compared to you.”

Rhodey startles, looking at Tony.

“I...I remember. I remember!”

“Remember what?” Tony asks cautiously.

(He can’t be let down. Not again.)

“You smashed cake in my face at our wedding!” Rhodey yells. “And we got married! We got married! Where the fuck is my ring?”

Tony laughs, scooping Rhodey into a hug.

“I can’t believe you remember.”

“Well I was bound to at some point,” Rhodey says. “I can be smart, doofus.”

“Don’t call me ‘doofus’ during an emotional outburst you absolute nimrod!”

“I’ll call my husband whatever I want,” he teases, “although I still wanna know where my ring is.”

“Come with me and get it,” Tony says. “I hid them in my room, just in case.”

It’s all coming back, the steps they take, the way that Tony supports him as he moves slower.

Iron Man, for one. War Machine the next. The dates they went on, the proposal.

The rings are simple. They’re also not wedding rings.

The class rings.

Rhodey remembers getting them, remembers getting his initials and Tony’s on the inside, remembers how Tony made some “adjustments” after they received them.

“You know that you got me,” Tony had told him.

It slides on, and it feels right. Feels like something was missing.

He looks up at Tony, smiling.

“Show me the pictures, Tony.”

Pepper walks in to find Rhodey absolutely terrorizing Tony about the decor choices from the reception.

“So I agreed with red and gold? I had no problem with it?”

“Well, I did do some major convincing, so...”

“What does that mean?!”

"You’ll remember later and be sad,” Pepper says. “Or happy. But please don’t tell me if you remember it.”

“You loved the color scheme,” Tony says. “Because you love me!”

“Now I am doubting,” Rhodey declares. “I loved you enough to have those colors?”

“You lost a bet, Boss,” Friday interjects. “That’s why there were those themes.”

“Friday,” Tony whines. “Why snitch on your creator like this?”

“I am not programmed to have loyalty, Sir.”

Rhodey laughs, taking Tony’s hand in his.

“Well, I guess I’ll still love you. Even if our wedding theme was weird.”

“It wasn’t that weird!”

It takes about another month before all of the memories are all back to normal, and in that time Rhodey learns (and relearns) a couple of things:

1.) The best feeling in the world is waking up to Tony, who sleeps very lightly and also wacked Rhodey in the face a total of ten times. (That’s not a new thing, he remembers.)

2.) He special-orders peppermint-flavored coffee creamer.

3.) Tony was lying when he said that Rhodey’s new favorite movie was The Goonies.

(He mostly forgave him for that one.)

#lovelyirony writes #rhodeytony #ironhusbands #part two!#rhodey has amnesia #tony stark #rhodey #pepper potts #also yes the use of 'jim' in the beginning and then transitioning to rhodey a bit is intentional #sorry if it is a bit confusing but i like how i formatted that one so that's what we're getting with this one #i hope you all like it!

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stxphxn-strange · 4 years ago

Text

truth tea (i’d love it if we made it pt. 2)

a/n: i rewrote this like 7-8 times and I’m happy with this version, so this is the story I’m sticking with! this is the continuation of collegeAU!Tony confronting and opening up about his past (sort of) after his wisdom tooth surgery. there are probably medical inaccuracies and also tw for mention of abusive and unhealthy relationships

summary: the truth was as uncomfortable as waking up in a stuffy room on a summer day. luckily, it was just as easy to open a window as it was to evade the truth

“Pepper you’re so amazing… you’re a godsend.”

“You’ve said that, Tony. You told me that seven times while we were in the car”

“Well I’m saying it again! I like giving my friends compliments… unless it bothers you, then I can stop. I don’t want to bother you or make you feel bad, because then I’m a bad friend.”

“You’re not a bad friend, you’re sweet. You’re a good friend.”

“I like being Stephen’s friend, and I like- no, I LOVE being his boyfriend. I miss him. I didn’t think you could love someone and be happy with them at the same time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t think I’d be allowed to be happy and be in love. That would be perfect, and nothing is! Nothing except Stephen, and I miss him! Sometimes I worry I’m going to drive him away, then I’ll be really sad but I’d probably deserve it. He’s the best friend—besides Rhodey!— and the best boyfriend, I’m so lucky to have him!”

“How was your surgery?”

“Speak of the devil, it’s Rhodey! Honeybear! Sorry. My teeth are gone so my voice carries more. That’s how it works.”

“That’s news to me, but I’m glad to hear that you’re okay.”

“I feel like... I’m at probably 81%. Get it? That’s a B- since I’m minus a boyfriend right now.”

“He’ll be back soon. You could always sleep, to technically speed up time. He might be back when you wake up.”

“Maybe… Rhodey will you stay with me while I sleep? I feel foggy, and I don’t like it… It reminds me too much of old parties, and I’m a little scared.”

“Don’t worry Tones, I won’t leave. I won’t let anything like that happen to you again.”

++++

Anthony fell asleep immediately, curled up between Rhodey and Christine with his head on Rhodey’s shoulder, and he was still deeply asleep when Stephen and Bucky came home. How he managed to sleep through their yelling Christine would never understand.

Rhodey shushed them immediately, fixing Stephen with a joking look of disappointment. “You of all people should know not to wake up your boyfriend while he’s asleep. Come on dude.”

Stephen nodded. “Yeah Bucky, why would you make me so angry that I almost wake Anthony up?”

“You’re testing my patience today, Strange,” Bucky replied. Then he addressed the group. “Is it ethical to cheat in Monopoly? There’s a right answer.”

“If you’re good enough at it, you won’t need to,” Rhodey said.

“I was going to say the same thing, but I need context about why you’re arguing? Don’t tell me this is the first time you’re finding out that Stephen cheats when we play?” Christine asked.

“I only cheated one (1) time, and it was for a good reason,” Stephen argued.

“I’m not sure if impressing your boyfriend who’s already madly in love with you and who you’ve known forever counts as a good reason,” Bucky said with a shrug.

“And you know what, exactly, about being in a relationship?” Stephen teased.

“Well I was going to say that my boyfriend is visiting next weekend,” Bucky explained. “So I actually do know some things about trying to impress your partner, and cheating in Monopoly isn’t the way to rock Steve’s world.”

“Steve?” Anthony mumbled, halfway between awake and asleep. “I still feel foggy.”

“Go back to sleep Tones, you’re alright. Bucky and Stephen are talking about something,” Rhodey said.

Anthony forced his eyes open. “Stephen’s back?”

Stephen sat across from his boyfriend, on the coffee table that technically no one was supposed to sit on, and smiled softly. “Hey.”

“I missed you,” Anthony said, clumsily reaching for one of his hands. “I don’t feel right. But you’re here, and Rhodey is here, so I don’t think I need to worry. Should I worry?”

“No, you don’t need to. You were right,” Stephen soothed. “Go back to sleep for a little bit, I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Anthony closed his eyes again. “I thought I heard someone talking about Steve?”

“That’s my boyfriend’s name,” Bucky explained from where he sat in the kitchen.

“I had a Steve,” Anthony mumbled. “He didn’t like me very much, but no one does. Isn’t your boyfriend supposed to like you? Stephen, do you like me?”

“More than that, I love you,” Stephen replied, his words reminiscent of one of Anthony’s earlier rants.

Anthony opened his eyes again. “Will you still make me food? And you’ll tell me about your day?”

“I will, I promise,” Stephen said. “Sleep, that way I won’t bore you with my story later.”

“You’re never boring,” Anthony murmured, closing his eyes for the third time and falling asleep against Rhodey again.

Stephen smiled sadly as he walked into the kitchen, trying not to give in to his urge to hit pots and pans together.

“He’s too adorable,” Bucky remarked, somewhat detached from the conversation as he scrolled through his phone. “I didn’t know he had an ex, let alone one with the same name as my boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” Stephen just shrugged, living the role of the boyfriend who didn’t find his lover’s ex an interesting topic.

“He sounded fond of him, I’d watch your back, Stephen,” Christine teased.

Stephen shook his head, a bit angrily. “It’s not my business, but that’s not at all what fondness sounds like. By the way, if you want to play a vanilla game of Monopoly, go ahead. Even if I wasn’t busy, I wouldn’t want to play.”

“Cool, I’m going to text Hope to come over,” Christine offered.

++++

Anthony woke up again not much later, a little freaked out, slightly disoriented, and far too warm. He still felt foggy and uncomfortable, and his mouth was starting to hurt. All of this was an imperfect storm of feelings and muscle memories that reminded him of unpleasant things, and the mental pain was almost worse than the physical.

Almost. But Stephen was there, holding him closely and protectively, and that helped to scare some of the memories back into the corner they belonged in.

“It’s loud in here,” he complained. “Too loud.”

“Do you want to go to bed? Or just in my room? It should be much quieter,” Stephen offered.

“I want to sleep. I don’t want to do anything else,” Anthony replied. “Except maybe watch a movie.”

“Or a TV show?” Stephen suggested.

“Either, I don’t care. I just don’t feel like doing anything,” Anthony said.

Stephen heard and understood everything that Anthony said, as well as everything he didn’t say. “I know. You need your rest anyway.”

“I might never volunteer to sleep again, write this day down for the future.” He was still too warm and nervous and uncomfortable. Anthony knew that Stephen understood what he was saying even in his short responses, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Defaulting to self-deprecating humor always felt like a safe haven.

For some reason.

Stephen stood up, gently gathering his boyfriend into his arms. “By the way, now that you’ve gotten your wisdom teeth out—”

“If you ask me whether or not I feel wiser, I’m going to break up with you,” Anthony teased, no heat in his words. “It’s cute how you think you’re funny.”

“I am!”

“You’re not.” “I’ll have you know that I’m the greatest comedian of my lifetime.”

++++

“Now that you’ve all reminded me of how competitive I am, I have an idea,” Bucky said.

“Oooh everyone shut up, Bucky is about to present his one (1) idea of the month!” Christine announced.

Bucky rolled his eyes but ignored her. “As I was saying, I had a great idea! My boyfriend is visiting this weekend— yes I know I told most of you that earlier, thank you Christine— and I was thinking we could have a couples’ Uno tournament?”

“What boyfriend?” Anthony asked.

“Remember earlier when I was talking about him?” Bucky replied.

“I remember singing in Pepper’s ear in the car and waking up when Stephen got back, but nothing else,” Anthony said. “So who did I accidentally embarrass?”

“I would say only yourself, you said nice things about everyone but then you wouldn’t stop gushing about Stephen” Christine looked over at Stephen. “He doesn’t know how to shut up when it comes to you.”

“Who wouldn’t talk about me for hours? I’m perfect,” Stephen quipped.

“You cheat at Monopoly, and I haven’t forgotten that time you ate my yogurt,” Christine said.

“It wasn’t labeled, and it was an accident!” Stephen rushed to his own defense.

“A likely story. I don’t think Ant would ever eat another person’s yogurt,” Christine argued.

“Don’t drag me into this,” Anthony replied. “I’m shrouded in plausible deniability.”

Bucky tapped his fork against his plate. “No offense, but can we talk about me again please?” He asked, half jokingly.

“I think we should talk about me,” Stephen replied.

“Absolutely not, you haven’t been interesting a day in your life,” Wong teased. “Even the textbook collecting dust at the very back of our bookshelf has more personality than you.”

Anthony slyly passed his iced tea to Stephen. “You might need this, for that burn.”

“I thought you loved me!” Stephen pretended to faint, steadying himself by leaning against Anthony’s side. “Anyway, go on Bucky?”

“What do you think about my idea?” Bucky asked.

“I feel like playing an Uno couples’ tournament is a bad idea, but in the best way,” Anthony said with a shrug.

“It’s about the chaos! I don’t even think my boyfriend is that chaotic, but I could be proven wrong,” Bucky said.

“Sorry wait, what boyfriend?” Anthony asked.

“I think you were asleep when I mentioned him? He goes to school in Vermont but he’s visiting for the weekend. As I understand it he has the same name as your ex?” Bucky replied.

Anthony looked at him with genuine confusion on his face. “How do you know? I’ve never mentioned Steve to you guys.”

“You did earlier,” Christine told him gently.

“Yeah I don’t remember any of that,” Anthony replied. “Small world I guess.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, his name’s Steve Rogers. He’s tall, kinda blond I guess, and he’s an athlete.”

“That makes no sense to me, you don’t seem like the kind of guy who falls for an athlete,” Wong said.

“I didn’t think I was, but now I’m living something out of a romantic comedy,” Bucky replied. He made a pitiful attempt to hide his blush.

Anthony on the other hand made no attempt to hide his forced smile. Perhaps it was lucky that most people assumed it was residual pain from his surgery.

“Tony are you feeling okay?” Christine asked.

“Yeah I’m fine, but a little tired. I might go back to sleep soon. I’m sorry Bucky,” Anthony mumbled.

“For what? You didn’t do anything,” Bucky asked.

“It’s not a big deal, but… yeah. Sorry,” Anthony repeated.

“I don’t even know what you’re apologizing to me for,” Bucky replied. “You haven’t done anything, I’m confused.”

“I’m pretty sure the Steve you’re dating is my ex, and that’s just kind of awkward for a lot of reasons. I don’t remember what I said about him, or even if I said anything, but if I talked shit about him in front of you then I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for doing it in general, but just for doing it in front of you,” Anthony said. He shifted nervously in his chair, carefully triple checking everything he thought or said. Now wasn’t the time to go into any of the gross gory painful unpleasant details, not when the Golden Boy evidently made Bucky so happy.

That would just be selfish. In a way, that would validate everything he said when Anthony finally got the nerves to leave him. He was jolted awake and back into the present when Stephen patiently tapped his shoulder.

Anthony tried to pretend like nothing was wrong, like he’d just zoned out for a minute and hadn’t almost replayed his breakup like it was a movie matinee. “What? Sorry, I was thinking about something else. I probably should go back to sleep.”

There was light, awkward chatter around the table as Anthony tidied up and refilled his water bottle.

“Dude, if something I said made you upset or—”

Always the people pleaser, Anthony cut Bucky off. “No no! You’re fine. It’s weird hearing that your friend is dating your ex but I’m not upset about it. I’m not upset at all, just tired.”

“You sure?” Bucky asked. “I don’t want to put pressure on you.”

“And I don’t want you to feel bad, I’m fine.” Anthony smiled, his pleasant expression clearly forced again. “I don’t know how to convince you that I’m not upset, but I’m really not. I’m sorry.”

Anthony hoped that something he said was believable enough, just so the conversation could end. Yes, he wanted to go to sleep, but he needed to stop talking or thinking about his ex. Unfortunately that was easier said than done, and it was already feeling like sleepless night...

Tags: @stark-strange-love2 @kitkatfat15 @chocopiggy @spooky-n-spunky @maya-custodios-dionach @taruyison @katninjagirl97 @thespacecryptid @majesticnerdynerd

#tony stark #stephen strange #ironstrange #my ironstrange college au #I’ve been writing this since January but the main story has been broken up a lot #wong #james rhodey rhodes #james buchanan barnes #rhodey is an S tier friend #not steve rogers friendly #implied anti stony #yes this may be petty? Idc?#pepper potts #christine palmer #christine/hope

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kittybellestark · 4 years ago

Text

Falling Apart At The Seams

Hey so this is the bio dad Tony fic I was working on !!

Thank you so much to @peter-is-a-bean @superherotiger @thedumbestavenger @marvelous-1015 and @himaboroshi736 for helping me pick out a title !! I really appreciate the help and all the different opinions !

Summary: Tony was Iron Man and yet he was weak. He should have been able to pull it together, to find his child and raise them. It should have been easy, to be a good father. Yet he can’t bring himself to look for them, he doesn’t even know the sex. It was all his fault. He should have been stronger, better.

TW: PTSD, mention of Rape, Rape/Non-Con elements (no actual described rape), self victim shaming, alcohol, drugings

Read on AO3 Part 1/5

Tony had been kidnapped many times in his life.

It was old hat. Get kidnapped, sit and wait, find out the motive, what the ransom may be. Sit and wait some more. Eventually get released or found. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Of course there were a few kidnappings where Tony was underestimated just enough that he was able to sneak away, but that didn’t happen too often. Lucky for him, he was small enough to get out of tight situations, and smart enough to trick his captors.

But then it happened.

Mid 2000. He was at some party. Happy and Rhodey were there too. Tony had a little too much to drink and found an opportunity to leave with this girl, Mary, without his friends noticing. She was beautiful and smart, quick-witted and fun. Her eyes were a striking blue and hair golden brown.

Tony shouldn’t have left with her.

When he had woken up next, in bed, naked, it wasn’t much of a surprise. Sure, he couldn’t remember anything that transpired after he left the party and Mary had given him a drink, but that’s normal, really. Tony didn’t enjoy waking up with no memories but he did it to himself.

What surprised him though, was that he was tied down to the bed. And Mary wasn’t actually a nice person, at all. She had wanted a child, and had found out her husband was infertile. Apparently he was not aware that he couldn’t have kids, but Mary felt that Tony looked close enough to him.

It was January of 2001 when Tony was finally released. Mary was confident enough that she wouldn’t lose the child and that keeping Tony around was a waste of time. So after months of being chained down Tony was finally free.

Tony was far too skinny, and he couldn’t help shaking, not unlike a chihuahua. He tried stepping back into his roll of CEO and pretending everything was normal and fine. He had built this sort of a reputation for himself hadn’t he?

The world was more than aware that he was taken, that he wasn’t being held for ransom. It didn’t stop the rumours that he was on a bender, or in rehab though. Obie had stepped in as acting CEO and the world went on without him. But it’s not like he could really tell anyone what happened. He was a man, no one would believe it. He was Tony Stark, playboy extraordinaire, everyone would say he was asking for it.

And now there was a child in the mix. A child he didn’t want. A child he had no choice to help create. He couldn’t be responsible for that. Not when every time he thought about it he’d had such horrible panic attacks that Rhodey had thought he was having a heart attack. They were so bad he’d completely dissociate, or vomit, or pass out. Tony couldn’t deal with a child, he never wanted one, and certainly not one that he was forced to help create.

There was no reality where Tony could tell people what happened to him. Nothing that he could really do. Mary never came asking for child support, or wanting another child. So Tony was grateful. He hoped that the child was well taken care of. That it didn’t inherit it’s mother’s crazy, and that the father was a good person. Tony didn’t feel good about leaving the child in Mary’s care, but he couldn’t do anything about it. It was too much for him.

As years went on Tony learned not to flinch at a persons touch. Of course when Afghanistan happened and all the progress he made in the years of his freedom vanished. He hated being touched, he hated being handed things. Parties were not a place he wanted to be and being left alone in a room with only one other person was enough to send it spiraling.

Tony lived with the overwhelming guilt of knowing he abandoned his child. He would try to talk himself up, search up Mary, find the kid and take it. But as soon as he was in front of the computer, with the search bar open and keyboard cursor blinking, his brain would take him right back. Back to the bed he was chained to and the woman with wild eyes overtop of him, laughing while he sobbed.

He wanted to care about the kid. Wanted to want the kid, but there was nothing. While Tony knows it deep in his heart Mary should not be a mother, he knows that he could never, ever be a father. There was a child out there, that he knew about and Tony was terrified of them, of knowing who they are, of looking at them and seeing Mary. Tony wouldn’t be a good father, not when he can’t even think about his kid.

As Tony had to teach himself how to cope with things again, trying to be normal, he found himself in a relationship with Pepper. Holding hands and kisses and hugs were mostly okay. Pepper was more than happy for the relationship to move as slow as it had been. She was really expecting things to be more rushed from the get-go. Tony was taking baby-steps. He couldn’t overwhelm himself, not with Pepper.

Sometime after Ultron- after Tony nearly ruined the world- did he actually confide in Pepper. He didn’t plan to tell her anything. Tony didn’t ever have plans on saying a single word to anyone. He wouldn’t have said anything, if it wasn’t for some viral video of Spider-Man holding a little girl and telling her about how his babysitter had raped him too. Hearing Spider-Man say those words Tony knew he needed to tell Pepper.

Pepper cried. A lot. So did Tony. They were in their living room, sitting on the couch, a blanket over Pepper’s lap and an box of tissues in-between them as they sat face to face. Tony told her everything; the party, the alcohol, the way Mary smelled, being tied to the bed, hating himself more because of those months, being kept there even after there was a positive pregnancy test, how there was a child out there Tony could never face. Pepper cried as she held Tony, fingers curled in his hair reassuring him none of it was ever his fault. He never wanted to be taken, to be raped, and to have a child. She didn’t blame him for not wanting the kid, for not being able to think about them without spiraling completely. She told him he wasn’t selfish for trying to protect himself.

After that Spider-Man became Tony’s new obsession. Tony built him a better suit and watched video after video. Eventually he was able to find out Spider-Man’s identity and helped cover all of Spider-Man’s traps.

What surprised Tony the most was that Spider-Man was a kid. His name was Peter Parker, he was 14 years old and top of his class at Midtown. He lived with his aunt, May Parker. His uncle, Ben, was murdered in front of him, and his parents, Diane and Jacob Parker died in a plane crash when he was 6. Previous to 2007 there were no files on any of the Parker’s, no tax files, no bank accounts or government ID’s. They were a mystery, but Tony didn’t really see the need to push much farther in the past. By the looks of all the FBI documentation, it was more than likely for their own safety. It was strange though, how the FBI was the one to deal with the case against Steven (Skip) Wescott, and they did it discreetly. Sexual assault cases in New York City were rarely ever dealt with by the FBI.

Now Tony needed to find a reason to approach Spider-Man. He didn’t really know whether it would be better to approach Peter as himself or as the masked vigilante. Tony just wanted to thank the teen. Sure Peter didn’t do very much, not really technically to help Tony. But hearing him talk to the girl, it helped him talk to Pepper. If a 14 year old can do it, so can Tony Stark. And it wasn’t like Tony was going to broadcast it to the world, he just told his long-term partner. People could believe a babysitter hurting doing such horrible things to a child, but they wouldn’t believe Tony.

So he needed to thank Peter. Not because he was grateful that a child went through the same things Tony did, but because he was willing to share. Spider-Man didn’t even care that there were camera’s on him, his focus was on comforting that little girl. Who knows how many people he helped, Tony could only hope it was more than just him.

Peter was 15 before Tony finally built up the nerve to approach him. He was just a kid, who had bad things happen to him, and was now helping others. So what if Tony was scared to see him? Tony just needed the perfect cover story. And he needed to make sure the new spider suit would keep Peter safe. That’s all. Don’t approach until you know that everything is perfect.

Tony was in the Parker apartment. That was fine. May Parker was very nice. Surprised that Tony Stark was at her door, but then suddenly not surprised that it was about Peter. She was a lovely woman, invited him in and told some stories from when Peter was younger.

The panic that started to set in as the time ticked on before Peter arrived back from school was starting to eat at Tony. He could feel his stomach twisting and throat starting to burn. Maybe he should have had Happy come up with him. He was okay. Tony was in control.

Finally Peter arrived before Tony was able to make some cheap excuse about an emergency at SI. Seeing Peter was difficult. This was Tony’s first time since 2000 where he willingly put himself in a situation with a child.

Tony might actually throw up.

Peter had bright brown eye’s, nearly golden in colour and dark brown hair. Of course Tony had seen the government picture of Peter and school photos, but now it was a lot. Peter was a real person and Tony was not prepared for this.

“I was just talking to your aunt about the internship you applied for. With the September Foundation. Youngest candidate to ever apply, and also the most qualified. So I wanted to come and meet you personally, Mr. Parker. You mind if we talk?”

“Yeah, no, yeah, of course.”

Tony couldn’t believe the starry-eyed wonder that Peter had. The wide-eyed innocence. How could this kid who has seen so much tragedy be able to look like nothing horrible has ever happened? It didn’t make much sense.

Peter led Tony to his bedroom, and Tony maintained his space by the door. It said a lot to him, how Peter was okay with having an older man in his room, yet Tony couldn’t really handle being alone with anyone for long periods of time.

“I’m going to cut to the chase. You’re Spider-Man right? I’m not here to harass you about it or anything. I’ve covered you’re tracks for you, actually. Deleted some CCTV footage, made sure no connection existed. Also made you a new suit, it’s got all the bells and whistles.”

And there was the distrust. The squinted eyes, locked jaw and crossed arms that screamed that Peter was uncomfortable and that he did not believe this offer. Peter looked much older now, all signs of youthful innocence gone, now just a cagey-tired kid who didn’t know what to do. Tony tried to make himself appear smaller, less grandios, he knows that’s what he would like.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. You inadvertently helped me out, I’m just repaying the debt.”

Peter hummed and paced the room. Tony tried to make sure that if Peter wanted to leave, the door wasn’t completely blocked off.

“Mr. Stark, I never applied for any September Foundation internship thing. It doesn’t even let you try and apply if you aren’t of age. This clearly won’t look like an actual internship, May will see right through it. There is obviously something else you aren’t telling me.”

Smart kid. Already aware of the holes in Tony’s plan. Willing to call him out. Tony liked him, for a teen vigilante. That’s all. Arms length and everything.

“You’ll come to the tower twice a week. I’ve talked to Nat, she saw your hand-to-hand combat. It’s alright, but sloppy. She’s going to make sure you can protect yourself.”

It took a moment before Peter made up his mind. He even turned his back to Tony to move the clearly home made computer on his desk. What a big sign of trust! To allow an older man into his room and then turn his back, Tony couldn’t imagine being okay with doing the same thing with any woman other than Pepper.

“Sure,” Peter nodded, “Yeah, with the Black Widow? I’d be a fool not to accept that, she’s pretty awesome.”

Tony couldn’t help but laughing. He nodded his head towards the Iron-Man poster on the wall, “Clearly not as great as Iron Man.”

Peter laughed. His smile lit up the whole room.

“It’s not like I ever thought you’d be in my room, Mr. Stark. They’re coming down as soon as you leave.”

“No, no you can’t now that I’ve seen them. I’ll fire you if you take them down.”

“I’ll quit first.”

Peter was a quick learner. He also wormed his way in to the Avenger’s lives. It surprised Tony, how Peter was only ever suppose train with Nat twice a week, now he had lab days and would show up sporadically. The teen had inserted himself into everyone’s lives and he fit. Spider-Man was safer out on the streets and the Avenger’s were more than happy to help Peter however they could.

Tony was blown away from how smart Peter was. There were only a handful of times where Bruce and Tony had to slow down and explain things to Peter. It was far more common that Peter would beat them to the answer, or simplify things, and even correct their mistakes.

“You know, if I wasn’t there went you went missing back in 2000 I’d think Peter was your kid.”

Rhodey laughed and clapped Tony on the back, and that was it. Suddenly Tony couldn’t breathe. His wrists were bleeding and the metal of the bedframe was creaking. His eyes were swollen from the constant tears the never seemed to stop streaming down his face. Mary was sitting beside him, her hands on the beginning of a growing stomach. She just wanted to make it through the second trimester before Tony was allowed to go. Her eyes were far too bright and unhinged.

“Tony, Tones, you’re okay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Peter is an August baby. He’s August. Not April. The dates don’t line up. It’s fine. He’s the son of Diane and Jacob Parker.”

Tony was leaning over, knees to his chest, hands flat on the floor. He’s touching the floor, not a dirty old mattress. Not handcuffs or a bedframe. Just the cool, hardwood flooring.

“Tones, what are you talking about? Are you trying to tell me you have a kid out there?”

So Tony told him. Everything. How he left the party, what happened during all those months. Tony talked about how he discovered Spider-Man, and how he just wanted to thank Peter for sharing his story, because it helped. He wanted to make sure Peter was safe, and this was the only way Tony knew how to re-pay him.

Months went on and it felt like a constant balance of ‘this is too much, I am not enough,’ for Tony. With Rhodey knowing what happened, it helped a little bit. Tony didn’t feel like he was always suffocating in guilt. Of course it didn’t stop Tony from feeling like he was drowning all the time, from the memories of what happened, but he could share his guilt with Rhodey and Pepper, and it helped a little.

Actually it helped a lot. Whenever the team would call Peter ‘Stark Junior’ as a joke. Or when Thor came back and saw Peter immediately dubbing him as ‘Stark-Son.’ Rhodey and Pepper were incredible at talking him down from the edges of his panic attacks. Having people- his people- know what happened helped a lot more than Tony ever thought they would. They believed him. Rhodey and Pepper believed him when he said he didn’t want anything to happen, that he hadn’t asked for it. They didn’t tell him it was his fault or push him to find the mystery kid, but instead they listened. It helped.

Tony didn’t ever think he could get to this point in his life. Not after 2000. He didn’t think he would be able to trust so many people, or talk to about everything. It was nice, to feel some semblance of normal. Not that anything could be considered normal, but learning not to keel over from the weight of everything made it feel more normal. Spiraling at the sight of blue eyes or being near women and seeing children on the streets was not normal.

But Peter in Tony’s lab was normal. And so was Peter in the communal kitchen, his head in the cupboards looking for a snack. It was so normal it ached. Tony hated that he could have this mentor-mentee relationship with Peter and he couldn’t even handle the thought of his own child.

“Hey, you’re no ostrich, get your head out of the metaphorical sand, food is on it’s way up right now.”

“Bad analogy, Mr. Stark, I would have gone with the hand in the cookie jar thing. Y’know because food. It was the obvious one.”

Peter pulled his head out of cupboards a lop-sided smile lighting up his eyes. Even after knowing Peter for nearly a year, Tony was still blown away by Peter’s optimism, and his snark.

“Right, yes, my apologies for not choosing the right analogy. Next time I’ll use the right one.”

The smile on Peter’s face dropped. He looked over to the elevator, his head shaking. “No, no, no. That’s not food, I’m sorry Mr. Stark.”

The elevator doors opened and there stood May Parker with an FBI agent. Neither of them seemed very happy, which definitely wasn’t good. Tony had made sure that there was no way Peter could get in trouble for being Spider-Man, and there was no way the government would find out that are one in the same. Tony did everything right, didn’t he? Peter should have been safe. Everything should be fine.

Taglist: dm/ send an ask to be added !

@peter-is-a-bean @friendshapedcastiel @dead-inside-pt2 @they-were-cloudsinmycoffee @parkersjiggle @7peternotparker7 @thatonecrackheadshipper @kevinthewoman @faline4you @lynxshinon @narutoyaoifan @pastelwheeler @thecrazymarvelfan @bonjour-gays @thebestqueenoftheworld

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@marvelous-1015 @himaboroshi736

#irondad #peter parker #tony stark #marvel #mcu #spiderson #spiderman #marvel cinematic universe #avengers #bio dad tony stark #angst #hurt to comfort #irondad and spiderson #spider-man #Iron Man

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platonicavengers · 5 years ago

Text

Pinky Promise

pairing: avengers x teen!reader; platonic!steve x teen!reader; platonic!natasha x teen!reader

word count: 1,772 (hehe told y’all)

warnings: sadness, depression, maybe swearing?? idk i don’t pay enough attention, post-infinity war feels

author’s note: im :) fine :) not :) sad :) at :) all :) also why do i always write angst am i that incapable of letting anyone be happy hahahah help

summary: it’s been a year since thanos snapped his fingers, and you still feel just as upset as you did the day it happened, but steve and nat are there to try their best to help you :)

my masterlist | read it on ao3 | read it on wattpad

One year; 12 months; 52 weeks; 365 days; 8,760 hours; 525,600 minutes; 31,536,000 seconds.

Since it happened. It, of course, being Thanos snapping his fingers, successfully eliminating 50% of life throughout the entire universe. Since you lost so many of your closest friends, your family.

Some people say that it gets easier with time, that eventually, it stops hurting as much. That after a while, the pain just isn't as bad.

But they would be wrong.

It's been an entire year, and for you, it's only seemed to get worse. The pain just grows each day, the loss of some of your favorite people just taking a larger toll on you as the days go by.

And the team could tell. What's left of the team, at least. Even out of the survivors, not everyone stayed around at the compound, as it would just bring back memories of those they've lost.

Tony had gone to live with Pepper and their daughter, Morgan, in a cabin on the lake. Bruce had gone somewhere, you weren't even sure where he was, and the same with Rhodey. Thor left to go establish New Asgard, and you hadn't seen him since. Carol, although technically not an official member of the team, was up in space most of the time, so you never saw her, either. That left only you, Natasha, and Steve.

Natasha was the first to notice. The way you rarely left your room, and if you did, your eyes were rimmed with a red tint, and your cheeks were puffed up. And if she ever got the chance to speak to you, you would only give her one or two word responses, far from the usual energetic and lengthy ones you used to give.

Steve noticed not long after, partially because Natasha pointed it out to him, and partially on his own. He saw the way you always wore sweatshirts or t- shirts belonging to your fallen friends. He heard you crying at the late hours of the night, when you thought no one else was awake.

So the two of them came together, trying to think of any and every way to help you, to take your mind off of everything, even just for a few minutes. But you did know this. You still stayed locked up in your room, today, especially, not even attempting to drag yourself out of bed, knowing that the only thing you were capable of doing today, was mourning.

••

The minute your alarm clock went off at 7 AM, you could already feel the familiar sensation of a wave of tears approaching. You were used to it by now, and just let it happen on its own.

With the sleeves of one of Wanda’s hoodies folded over your hands, you pressed your wrists to your eyes, trying to stop the stinging feeling of the tears. Your attempt was futile, and a steady stream started flowing down your cheeks, onto the comforter below you.

You sighed in frustration and annoyance when the tears wouldn’t stop. It seems like everyone else has moved on already, you thought to yourself, so why can’t I?

You buried your face in your hands and let out a loud sob. You shook your head, slowly lifting it from your hands as you stared up at the ceiling for a moment. You internally swore at yourself, knowing that what you were about to do was immature, but you were going to do it anyways.

“Hey, u-um,” your voice was quiet, hoarse from going so long without speaking, not to mention nasally from all the crying you’ve been doing lately. You brushed your messy hair out of your face, sniffling loudly, “I-I don’t know if anyone can hear me, but I, uh. I wanted to try an-and say something, just in case any of you guys a-are listening right now.”

You sobbed again, swearing under your breath, “Get it together, Y/N,” you whispered to yourself. You cleared your throat, trying once more to speak, “U-um. I just wanted to say that, um, I miss you all,” your voice broke off, the tears falling faster now, “so much. Uh, I miss you and love you all so much. I would do anything to get a-all of you back here, right now. Whatever it would take, I don’t care. I-I need you all, so badly.”

You cursed at yourself again, much louder than you intended to. Unbeknownst to you, Steve and Natasha heard you. They shared a look, before stopping what they were doing, and standing next to your closed door.

“I’m so, so, so sorry I didn’t do good enough. I tried, as hard as I could. I tried everything I could think of to get everyone back,” your voice had fallen into a low whisper, “b-but nothing worked.”

The pair outside your door felt their hearts break. It hurt them so much to hear you in such pain, and they knew they couldn’t stand to listen any longer. Natasha glanced at Steve, communicating with him through their eyes. Steve sent her a slight nod, knowing what she wanted to do.

The redhead slowly stood up from her squatting position, softly knocking on your door. She spoke quietly, a warm and caring tone laced through her words, “Y/N, sweetie? Could you open the door, please?”

You froze. You hadn’t expected for either of them to try and talk to you. Lately, they had stopped trying to get you to unlock your door, to open up, even just a little, after realizing that you refused to. You stayed silent for a moment, not knowing how, or if you wanted, to respond.

“Please, Y/N. We just want to help you, I promise, honey.”

Natasha’s voice was so calming, with the slight motherly tone coming through her words. You felt your resolve falter for a second, and you contemplated whether to let her in or not. On one hand, you didn’t want them seeing you like this, although you knew they wouldn’t care. But on the other, you so desperately craved comfort, reassurance, especially from those you trusted and cared for so deeply.

“Please,” this time it was Steve that spoke, “we know you’re hurting, and we want to help.”

With his words, you broke. You felt the sobs building up in your chest, and you ran to the door, unlocking and it and yanking it open roughly. You fell into Natasha’s open arms, sobbing. Steve wrapped his arms around you as well, joining the embrace. Your body shook painfully, but the feeling of two of your closest friends holding you so tightly helped soften the blow.

It took you around fifteen minutes to calm down. The whole time, both Steve and Natasha stayed with you on the floor, still holding onto you tightly, occasionally whispering short phrases of comfort into your ears.

When you eventually did settle down, you could feel your body growing tired from your sobs. You slowly lifted your head from Natasha’s shoulder, and she sent you a small smile. She wiped away the tears from under your eyes with the pads of her thumbs, and tucked your hair behind your ears.

Steve shifted so he was in front of you, and he could see your face as he spoke to you, “How ‘bout we have a movie day today, huh? No work, no responsibilities, just hangin’ out and watching movies? Sound good, hmm?”

You weakly nodded, trying your best to send him a smile, but the corners of your lips barely lifted up. He smiled back at you, helping you and Natasha both up from the ground, and the three of you walked together to the living room area.

You sat down on one of the couches, Steve taking the seat next to you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, slowly rubbing your arm as Natasha stood in the kitchen, gathering snacks for you all.

As Steve picked up the TV remote, going to put the first movie on, a memory of a day similar came to mind.

“Everybody sit your asses down, it’s movie day!” You grinned widely as Tony shouted at the rest of the team. You plopped down on one of the couches, Steve on your right, and Wanda on your left. You loved having movie nights with the team, as they were a rare pleasantry in a life as hectic as yours.

“Yo, Tiny! Heads up!” Sam called out to you, chucking a bag of popcorn towards you. You giggled as you caught it, quickly ripping it open and shoving a handful of the snack into your mouth.

Steve reached a hand into the bag, trying to steal some of the popcorn, but you quickly smacked his hand, causing him to send you a playful glare. Your eyes widened as you saw popcorn floating out of the bag, but you jokingly rolled your eyes as you turned to your left, seeing Wanda using her magic to grab some of your food. You sighed, a small smile on your lips, “I really can’t have anything around here, huh?”

You were cut off by a loud “Shh!” and you glanced over to one of the other couches, offering a sheepish smile to an impatient Natasha.

You were brought back to reality by a loud shout of your name, and you blinked your eyes a few times, seeing both Steve and Natasha in front of you, worry clear on their faces.

They both visibly relaxed when you looked at them, but their concern quickly returned when they saw your eyes well up with tears, and a sob break its way past your lips.

Natasha wrapped her arms around you, bringing you to her chest and slowly rocking you back and forth, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“I-I miss them s-so much!” You stuttered out between sobs.

Natasha felt herself tear up, her hold on you tightening, “Oh, sweetie, I know, I know. I miss them too.”

A few minutes later, Natasha released from the hug, but kept you tucked into her side, running her fingers through your hair. Steve grabbed ahold of your hands, gently rubbing his thumbs on top of your fingers, “I promise you, Y/N, we’re gonna get them back. We’re gonna get them all back.”

You wiped away a lone tear, whispering, “Pinky promise?” You knew it was immature, but you held up a shaking pinky, desperate for reassurance, no matter how childish it made you seem.

Steve chuckled softly, wrapping his pinky around yours, “Pinky promise.”

#platonic avengers #avengers x platonic!reader #platonic!avengers x reader #platonic!steve rogers x reader #platonic!natasha romanoff x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #avengers x teen!reader #mcu x reader #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #mcu fanfiction

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tonystarkbingo · 3 years ago

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3 Prompt Summaries

Amnesia, Gay Panic, Aliens - suggested by @polizwrites

@magicadraconia - He'd woken up in a strange place, on what they told him was a spaceship, surrounded by the weirdest looking... things he'd ever seen (and he'd seen some doozies, although he didn't know how he knew that...). He was straight, definitely straight, he knew that (a flash of red hair...) so why were his eyes constantly returning back to the one human-looking guy - the very sexy human-looking guy...?

@polizwrites - Tony had no idea why was wearing a what seemed to be a high tech suit of armor splattered with some disgusting purple goo that appeared to be coming from the figures lying at his feet. Not just his feet — there was a handsome blond hunk of a man in a red, white and blue onesie standing next to him, holding an oversized patriotic frisbee spattered with the goo as well. Said man was giving Tony a look impossible to interpret — like he was in love. But wait - Tony didn’t think he was gay, was he?

@27dragons - The aliens were, for a change, friendly. And the food they'd offered had been tested and found non-toxic for the human delegation. Unfortunately, it also seemed to cause a rather shocking case of amnesia. Now Bucky's been mentally regressed to the age of about twenty-four, long before the Winter Soldier, Hydra, or even the war -- and he's deep into the throes of panic over his re-realization that he's gay. Even more unfortunately, Tony -- with his carefully-concealed crush of several months -- is the only one around to try to talk him out of it.

@somesortofitalianroast - Bucky didn’t mind the amnesia he had from the car accident, since 96% of it involved the car crash and the ensuing hospital stay, and he wasn’t particularly interested in reliving either of those things. What he did mind was the gorgeous man who insisted that they were betrothed and he was to be king consort of Asgard. There were several things wrong with that, and aliens were rather low on that list. After everything else, aliens weren’t worth panicking over. And betrothal was simply another word for ‘engaged,” right? So perhaps he could get the marriage called off. But the thing was… Bucky was straight. He was sure of that… Except…. Thor was gorgeous. And handsome. And rich. And a really good kisser.

@lbibliophile-mcu - He's not quite sure who he is (what sort of a name is 'Bucky'?). And he's not sure where he is (although something tells him that he's a lot further from home than he'd otherwise think). But when the person (creature? being?) called Tony 'smiles' at him, he knows one thing: He is gay. Very gay. ...what's 'Gay'? (He can't wait to find out)

@huntress79 - Steve's first few weeks after the ice are a mumble-jumble of too many new faces and names, too many new things to see - simply too much of everything. And while he knew that it was, technically not really possible, he developed some kind of amnesia. The good side: he kind of forgot all the pain of losing all ties to what was his life just yesterday. The bad side: there were two absolutely gorgeous men (and hey, he wasn't really into men at all, no sir!) visiting him almost daily, and both had to introduce themselves every day again. Thor had something alien, exotic on him, something that Steve really wanted to draw at some point. And somehow, Tony reminded him of someone he had met before? But who? If only Steve could remember...

@darthbloodorange - ULTS - Captain America takes a hard hit during battle, losing all his memories. One look at Stark and Thor, and the man was suddenly sure he was gay. SHIELD panic, doing their best to keep this from the world. Captain America couldn't be gay, the world would be up in arms, not to mention the Brass and the White House. Things escalate when Thor and Stark Both decide they want Captain America as their "Beau", their arguments falling short of starting a small war. And the solution to SHIELD's problem? Aliens. Fury rubs his temples, willing away his pounding headache. (Steve regains his memories and remains very gay. And comes out to the world. Tony and Thor decide to share Steve. Happy endings and every afters)

More under the cut!

Mammoth, Baxter Building, Hairball - suggested by @magicadraconia

@somesortofitalianroast - Tony wasn’t sure why Reed Richards was calling him to the Baxter Building. But the mammoth standing in what could not possibly be a giant hairball was certainly a new one.

@polizwrites - Tony shouldn’t have been surprised that Richards was messing about in the time-space continuum again; but he didn’t expect his boyfriend to come back from the Baxter Building with a wooly mammoth (who, of course, he’d named ‘Hairball’) in tow.

@huntress79 - If Reed Richards sends out a distress call to the Avengers, it has to be something big. Like, galaxy-destroying-big. At least, that's what Tony and Steve are thinking of while they are heading to the Baxter Building. But once there, they both get a bit suspicious when they see Johnny and Susan standing outside with most of the employees, Johnny wearing a shit-eating grin while Susan is torn between joining her brother and making use of her own superpower and vanish. Nonetheless, they both went inside - only to be greeted by what looked a lot like a prehistorical mammoth, only three or four time its usual size, shedding its hair, and both Reed and Ben trying to contain the equally giant hairball.

@psychiccatpanda - If Tony never had to clean up another Reed Richards related mess it would be too soon. The wooly mammoths Richards has accidentally brought to the city instead of sending himself and the biologists back was bad enough. Today took the taco. He had demonstrated a device to harmlessly get rid of fleas - pesticide free. Bucky, being a science nerd had offered to help over Tony’s protests. (Tony was not jealous, shut up Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy.) Now Alpine was nearly the size of the Baxter Building and sounded like he was going to cough up the world’s largest hairball.” All he had to do was get Alpine back to normal size without hurting him and not expose his ginormous crush on Bucky. Easy, right? (How was this his life again?)

@27dragons - The Baxter Building was already a huge monument to Reed's dick -- and that's coming from Tony, who knows phallic monuments, thankyouverymuch -- but he's really certain that the last time he saw it, the place wasn't quite so... mammoth. Nor was the Thing covered in fur, making him look like an enormous hairball. Why did they always call Tony instead of Strange for these messes?

@lbibliophile-mcu - Tony glares down at the cat before him, thanking all the gods that the horrible sounds have finally stopped. A large wad of damp stringy something lies on the carpet between them "are you done.? that thing is massive. what were you even licking, a woolly mammoth? there's at least another whole cat's worth there. disgusting. next time Richards ropes me into cat-sitting you're staying in the Baxter Building and I'll just commute." The cat just purrs at him.

@darthbloodorange - The Avengers stare down the mammoth, completely unsure of what to do now. Sure, they have had run-ins with time-traveling villains and their brand of chaos, but never before have they been left with a creature from another time to take care of. How does one even take care of a mammoth? They quickly realize they know just who would be able to handle the creature. So they, as stealthily as one could, attempt to sneak the mammoth (named "Hairball") into the Fantastic Four's building.

soap, alarms, Dr. Doom - suggested by @psychiccatpanda

@huntress79 - Tony actually was looking forward to it - an evening just for Steve and him, relaxing in the new, big jacuzzi he had just installed the other day, testing a new bubble soap bath Steve had found on one of his shopping trips with Pepper. But he seemed to be cursed or something like that. Just as he and Steve were about to relocate to the jacuzzi room, the tower all but shook with the alarm to assemble. What on Earth was going on right now? Steve just gave him a kiss on the cheek, whispered something so dirty in his ear that even Tony had the decency to blush, and was out of their apartment. Two hours later, they all returned to the Tower, weary to the bone, but with another defeat delivered to Dr. Doom in their books.

@somesortofitalianroast - It wasn’t every day the Assemble alarm went off while Tony was in the shower, thank god. But when it did, Tony always had soap in his eyes trying to get out of the shower fast enough. Today, the alarm blaring and setting off his hangover, and soap in his eyes, Tony looked out the window and saw Doombots flooding from a whole in the sky. This was not his day.

@psychiccatpanda - Tony had yet to meet his new neighbor. He'd only heard what he hoped was the guy's TV - otherwise there was a lot more gunfire than he felt comfortable with. And the screaming... which he assumed was a cat, but had no way of proving. Tony was also slightly offended that the man seemed to keep similar hours to Tony's. Rhodey had laughed off his worries about the guy being a drug dealer or a serial killer. The fire alarm, though had everyone pouring out of their apartments and he was able to catch a glimpse of him - of them, rather. One wore green sweat pants and a hoodie so large he couldn't see the guy's face. Green Sweatpants was trying to keep a hold on a white cat that looked like it was trying to claw him to pieces. The other guy wore a black towel with a big red star in the middle, and his hair was full of shampoo. Oh, they're really cute.... Or - how Tony developed a crush on his neighbors who may or may not be serial killing drug dealers.

@darthbloodorange - Things went from bad to worse when a soap store was struck while Dr. Doom was attempting to take over the world... again. Soap, mixed with the rain from Thor's storm, flooded the streets. It was near impossible to get anywhere to do anything. The Avengers were struggling, barely able to keep themselves upright, let alone apprehend Dr. Doom. And Dr. Doom wasn't fairing any better. The world watches, amused, as their heroes slip and slide after Dr. Doom, the soap store's alarm blaring in the background (Fic Title: To slippery to nail)

parade, glitter, makeup - suggested by @phoenixmetaphor3000

@somesortofitalianroast - Not quite a year after officially coming out, Steve decided that he wanted to march in the parade. The Parade. The Pride Parade. In all the glitter that entailed. He didn’t expect to find an adorable makeup artist at one of the booths.

@polizwrites - It was one thing for Stark Industries to support Pride Month - something else entirely for Tony Stark to not only sponsor an Avenger-themed float, but to be the glittery centerpiece, wearing what looked to be nothing more than red and gold body paint and a barely-there g-string, his arc reactor cycling through the colors of the rainbow.

@huntress79 - Nobody really can recall whose idea it was to have an Avengers-themed float at the NYC Pride Parade, but here they were, all of them, dressed in Las Vegas-worthy versions of the costumes, over and over set with sequins and glitter. And if that wasn't enough, Pepper, Nat, Darcy and Maria Hill, more or less, "attacked" the guys, giving them a (slight) makeover. Sure, Tony was somewhat used to makeup, from his days as media darling, but he was in no way prepared for the effect it had on him when he first laid eyes on a Captain America with guyliner...

@darthbloodorange - There are many things to love about the 21st Century, the Pride Parade is one of Steve's favourites. Every year he sets up a small area and paints people's faces with glittery makeup. Seeing the joy and happiness on people's faces, free to live as who they are, to love who they love... that's what makes Steve happy. What makes him happier is having Sam by his side. (Sam/Steve)

@huntress79 - Sundays are, come hell or high water, reserved for family activities in the Stark-Rogers-Barnes household. FRIDAY is running interference on all channels, keeping everyone and their neighbour out (unless there's an emergency, and even then, there are new Avengers there to deal with it). Today, Morgan has requested them in her playroom, stating that her dolls and other toys were overdue for a large teaparty (two weeks are way too long for their princess!). It always amuses Tony to watch his men folding their rather large frames into the lotus seat on the floor, but they would do anything to make Morgan happy. Even letting her painting their nails and faces with glitter and makeup and whatnot, before parading over to the mirror in the hallway.

@psychiccatpanda - As a rule, Tony didn't "do" parades. He didn't emcee, he didn't ride in the convertibles waving, or any of that stuff. But this time, it was Clint asking. Natasha usually went with him, but she was out on assignment and might not be back. Steve and some of the others had promised to stop by, but right now, nobody but Clint would be at his booth for the whole time. "I'd love to!" Tony had said, trying not to feel depressed that he was the absolute last person Clint had asked. How hard could face-painting be? All Tony had to do was dust with glitter while Clint did all the work painting the designs and stuff. Wherein Tony discovers a talent he didn't know he had and Clint figures out that Natasha was right again.

Post it Notes, Werewolf, Fluff - suggested by @darthbloodorange

@darthbloodorange - It was too bad that there wasn't a hallmark card for "Sorry, we kinda turned your boyfriend into a werewolf". Tony was due to return in less than two hours, and Clint couldn't find a reasonable excuse or answer. What he did fine, however, was a huge box of post-it notes... (Clint tries to hide Werewolf Steve in post-it notes. Tony is later followed around the Tower by a fluffy monster covered in post-it notes... only to find out it's Steve.)

@somesortofitalianroast - Steve knew there was a problem with the house. For starters, it was available during the high tourist season. For another, it was cheap, which meant he could afford to extend his stay and maybe get more writing done. The first night he heard wolves in the forest, and soon he started seeing post-it notes that he hadn’t written floating around the house. Not the threatening kind, no, the weird kind. If he didn’t know that werewolves did not exist… no, there was no way that there was a friendly neighborhood werewolf who wanted to make sure Steve stayed warm and fed. And certainly there wasn’t a friendly neighborhood werewolf who wanted the intruder in his house to call him “Bucky”...

@huntress79 - Whenever Tony needed a break from being CEO, he headed out to the cabin his father had bought decades ago. It was smack in the middle of a forest, and JARVIS was set to let no one in, unless Tony said so. This time, though, something was off. Tony couldn't pinpoint it, but apparently, they had a predator in the forest, if the large scratch marks on trees around the cabin were anything to count for. That night, he even heard the howls of a wolf, but far enough away to not worry about it. When we woke up next morning, he realized he wasn't alone in his bed! Moving slowly, he saw the most gorgeous man lying next to him, apparently asleep. How on Earth did he get in without JARVIS reacting? Right that moment, the man whispered something that Tony couldn't catch, and so, he grabbed the pen and post-it-notes he always had on his bedside table and handed it to the stranger, who started to write immediately. "Sorry for breaking in, but there's a hunter on the other side of the forest, and I don't want to end up as his trophy," could be read on the first few post-its. "Hunters don't kill humans," Tony replied, but the man just held up a finger before turning the next post-it over. "I'm a werewolf, sugar." (Or how Tony protects werewolf Bucky from bad hunters and falls in love with him while doing so XD)

@jacarandabanyan - Tony, a vampire, has officially seceded and left his coven (or just ran away, depending on who you ask). Unfortunately, no other coven will take him- not with his father and uncle making it clear that there will be repercussions for any coven who does. And so he must resort to the unthinkable- shacking up with werewolves. At first, they have a simple arrangement: Tony stays in his room during the day, the two wolves he’s living with, Steve and Bucky, stay in their room at night. They communicate with each other via post-it, when absolutely necessary. But over time, the definition of ‘absolutely necessary’ starts to loosen...

@psychiccatpanda - "It'll be fine, Tony." Those had been Pepper's exact words. Now, they'd come home to find Morgan riding a shifted werewolf (probably Steve, but it could be Barnes - they were hard to tell apart in their wolf forms) around the living room of the penthouse like a pony. Hundreds of purple and lavender post-its were stuck to everything. Don't eat last Pop-tart. Leggo my Eggo. and Do NOT let Morgan make real tea. The dishes melt in the microwave. were just the first few that Tony saw. "What's going on here?" The Avengers (some of them were's some of them are not) are the best and worst babysitters.

@rebelmeg - rhodey knew his roommate was a drama queen, that was well-known by anyone who knew tony. he just hadn't expected it to be so bad during this full moon that his girlfriend had stuck a post-it note to the door, warning, "beware, super cranky moon baby beyond this point"

#tonystarkbingoflash2021 #tsbflash2021 #tsb discord party #party game #3 prompt summaries game

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exauhstedsunflower · 3 years ago

Text

So, I’m writing Marvel now…

The thing is, Marvel is a special interest for me. Has been for a long time. The MCU while it has its downsides (I will never forgive them for what they did to Steve Rogers.) is one of my favorite movie franchises of all time. It’s a crime that I haven’t written any fics for it yet, honestly.

This isn’t nearly finished, and I have no idea when it will be or how long it’ll be. It doesn’t even have a name or full plan yet. But it’s a fun project for me. I want to explore the fact that Captain America is from the 40’s, however when he wakes up he is still in his twenties. He’s technically the youngest on the team while simultaneously being way older and being treated as way older than everyone around him. It picks up during the first Avengers film and is written from Tony’s POV. (Again, so far. It’s not done and I could still switch POV’s every once in a while.)

All that being said, enjoy!

Steve hates him. He hates Tony. Tony Stark. Son of his old friend, Howard Stark.

The old bastard was right, isn’t that just ironic.

Endless fights over Tony being a disappointment. Being nothing like the Greatest Man Howard Ever Knew. Howard never shut up about the great Captain America, so of course Tony knew this was coming.

Tony had tried when he was younger, he did. He’d tried to be better, braver, stronger, faster, witty in a way Howard would appreciate. But after a while he’d realized that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he’d never live up to what Howard wanted from him. Howard said daily that Captain America, Steve Rogers, would be disgusted by Tony. And Tony had just about recently decided that he was moving on from all of his daddy issues and metaphorically telling Howard to shove his criticisms very far up his ass. And, isn’t this just the kicker, Steve Rogers is right in front of him confirming it all.

“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”

Exactly what everyone thinks I am, obviously.

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

What? He’s not about to make it easy on Captain America of all people. If anyone can handle his sass, it’s the so called bravest man who ever lived.

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. Yeah, I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”

Wow, okay. He’s really laying it on, isn't he? He must be really pissed. In all honesty, Tony hadn’t thought it would be so easy to get to him. Or, rather, to get him to a point where he’s actually making personal, cutting blows.

Still, Tony doesn’t want to cause an actual fight. If he wanted that he’d have started off a little more strong, like how Rogers is. What with all the steam coming from his ears. Howard hadn’t mentioned the potentially problematic short fuse in all his ramblings. Whatever, just keep deflecting and find a way to defuse, then. He’s been around long enough to know when the right time to fight is. Currently they have a volatile, murderous psychopath who obviously wants them all fighting on board, so now is not a good time.

“I think I would just cut the wire.”

There, nice and simple. There’s no way Mr. Short Fuse can turn that into-

“Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”

Now he’s done it. He’s honestly tempted to say ‘Or what?’. Just curiosity speaking, what would Rogers do? And, another thing, Tony has never claimed to be a hero. Sure, he’s saved a few people, and yeah, he’s trying to save the world currently, but the hero label was all but thrown at him the moment he came out to the world as Iron Man. He doesn’t want to be a hero, all he wants right now is for Rogers to get off his damn high horse.

“A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle!”

He hadn’t meant to say that. Truly, he hadn’t. He’s supposed to be actively diffusing the situation. But honestly it was an achievement he’d gone that long without actually retaliating. You can only push a man so far-

“Put on the suit, let's go a few rounds.”

He’s not succeeding in his endeavor to not fight Captain America. His dad is likely screeching from his penthouse in hell.

He moves away from Rogers just in time for the locator to go off, signifying that they’ve found what they were looking for. This is followed by an argument about who is going to get it, a rather horrifying revelation that his new best friend besides Rhodey, Pepper and Happy, (Yes, he has claimed this already, he just has to convince Bruce.) has tried to kill himself, and then suddenly Captain America is trying to fight him, again.

“Put on the suit, let’s find out!”

“I’m not afraid to hit an old man.” He replies calmly, though a little heated.

It’s just oh so ironic, (This whole conversation has been filled to the brim with irony.) that as Tony says that he laments how immature they’re acting. Seriously, the guy’s in his nineties, why is he pulling Tony into this? The irony strikes him then and there, as he’s watching Rogers get all riled up. Captain America is practically a kid.

It’s kind of funny to think about. Captain America, the man out of time, he’s only in his twenties. Tony is twenty years older than him, mentally. Now it’s not about fighting his fathers old friend. It’s not even about the fact that this is Captain America, and how anti-patriotic it would be to deck him.

No, Tony wont fight a twenty-something year old. It’s not dignified. It wouldn’t even be fair. Rogers hasn’t had the time to fully develop patience like Tony has. His brain hasn’t aged just as his body hasn’t. No wonder he has such a short fuse, Tony was the same way when he was young.

Something explodes while his brain is having this revelation, and he realizes that this is an attack. Good thing they weren’t fighting each other, then.

Steve helps him up after they’re both thrown across the room from the blast.

“Put on the suit.”

Tony nods, finally agreeing with the man on something.

“Yep.”

Of course they would end up working together to fix the turbine. That’s the way the world works. Rogers hates Tony, and Tony won’t fight him, which seems to be making Rogers more angry. But now all of that has to be put aside for the greater good. Hopefully they’ll be able to do this before another turbine goes down and the whole boat falls from the sky.

“What’s it look like in there?”

Tony really needs this to go well. Surely Rogers can’t be too inept with technology. He’s young, young people are the future of technology! He even understood the Wizard of Oz reference earlier, so he’s sort of up to date, right?

“It seems to run on some form of electricity!”

So much for his optimism. Despite the feeling that this is going to end horribly, his mouth quirks a bit. That’s why it had taken him so long to put together how young Rogers actually is.

Still, this has to be tough for the guy, he’s clearly out of his depth here and is trying to help.

“Well, you’re not wrong.”

He teaches Rogers how to fix the relays, which takes some time given that he can’t personally guide the project. He’s a bit busy clearing the debris from the turbine and trying to keep up with the flying boat’s speed enough to stay beside it. You would think they’d stop moving so he can just hover and do repairs, but no! Although he does suppose that there is quite a bit of commotion happening inside too. Enough to warrant not slowing down, maybe.

“Even if I clear the rotors, this thing won't re-engage without a jump. I'm gonna have to get in there and push.”

“Well if that thing gets up to speed, you'll get shredded!”

Aw, he’s worried. Asshole.

Does this count as laying on the wire? Is this technically superhero-ing right now? Is this enough to prove to Rogers he has the right intentions? He hopes so.

“Then stay in the control unit and reverse polarity long enough to disengage mag-“

“Speak! English!”

Tony nearly laughs. He hadn’t realized how charming Rogers actually is, underneath all of the high and mighty hero stuff.

“Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect”.

“Well, if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet.” Bruce responds, understanding every word. Oh, Tony might just be in love.

“Finally, someone who speaks English.”

“Is that what just happened?”

It was a sly little comment, but it was there. He should have picked up on it at the time. Captain Rogers is funny.

“See that red lever? It'll slow the rotors down long enough for me to get out. Stand by it, wait for my word.”

He watches the man jump over to the lever, landing a little too close to the edge for comfort. Then instead of dwelling on the fact that he was concerned for Captain America’s safety, he goes into the turbine and starts to push.

While he’s pushing, there’s some gunfire. Also some rushing coming from Director Fury in his earpiece. He wonders if anyone has come out to help Rogers, and then realizes that obviously Rogers can handle himself, so why would anyone? Eventually the turbine feels like it's moving faster than him, so it’s time to get out.

“Cap, I need the lever!”

“I need a minute here!”

Uh oh. That won’t do at all.

“Lever! Now!”

This is so not how he wanted this to go. He falls into a rotor, and slides down into the bottom part of the turbine. He is so screwed. He’s going to break his spine, or his neck. He’s going to die fixing a boat engine. Engine’s are his bitch, he can’t die fixing an engine!

Suddenly the rotors let up, and it only takes Tony a split second to fly out and assess his damage. His suit’s going to give out on him. Any second now surely. He should get out of the air-

Loki’s men are on Rogers with guns, how is that a fair fight?

At least, that’s what he thinks before he tackles one and takes them right through the side of the boat with him, finally hitting the ground and letting the suit turn off.

He can’t quite see anymore, and he can’t quite tell if it's the suit or his eyes that are damaged. He was knocked around quite a bit. Maybe it’s a concussion? He hopes it’s temporary, he can’t work if he’s blind.

Actually, scratch that. That sounds ableist. It also sounds like he’s doubting himself, which he’d never do. He very much can work if he’s blind. Plenty of people do it every day.

He feels tired, a bit hazy. He’d been knocked around maybe too much. Is Steve okay? He looks up, and the captain is jumping back into the ship. Good.

Definitely a concussion, he thinks, letting his head fall back and passing out.

Coulson died. Loki killed him.

Tony hasn’t been on this boat for too long now, but he’s starting to think this is a suicide mission. Agent Coulson was Pepper’s friend; how’s he going to tell her? How will the news reach the cellist he was involved with?

“There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative-”

He hasn’t been listening, and was honestly okay with the numb indifference of his thoughts. Anything not to hear Fury’s words. Lies, honestly. There’s no excuse for the arsenal that was being built, regardless of if Fury hadn’t bet on it in the first place. And now- what? He wants to use Tony and the others as the replacement arsenal? They can’t even save one agent, let alone the world.

“…to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea, in heroes.”

Tony stands, unable to hear anymore of this. Tony’s no hero. If Coulson was smarter, he never would have believed in heroes in the first place.

“Was he married?”

He looks at Rogers, at his attempt at starting a tough conversation. He sees why everyone likes the guy, really. Even after their almost-fight he comes to attempt to comfort Tony. Tony, for his part, isn’t even sure why he’s taking Coulson’s death so hard. It’s not like they were friends.

He just- well, it feels like this death is on him.

“No. There was a uh...cellist, I think.”

There’s no one to inform about his death. No one to send condolence flowers to. Pepper might mourn, his coworkers may also. The cellist… well, she won't be able to pick up their fling again.

“I'm sorry. He seemed like a good man.”

Steve Rogers has a good heart. He may be quick tempered, but he has a good heart.

“He was an idiot.”

“Why? For believing?”

For believing in them. Believing in this stupid, sorry excuse for a team.

“For taking on Loki alone.”

“He was doing his job.”

Oh, yes, defend the dead guy. Make this argument harder. It was easier to hate Rogers earlier, when he was being irrational.

It circles back to there not always being a way out, and Tony thinks that’s bullshit. He doesn’t take well to being told things are impossible or unavoidable. If something isn’t going to work, he makes it work. Coulson should have thought ahead. He should have waited. He should have-

Better not go down that avenue.

He starts to walk away, and Rogers compares them to soldiers. Right, that makes sense. That’s why Rogers took the death so calmly. He was a soldier in a war. He’s used to losing people and having to move forward immediately. He probably has already figured out how not to blame himself for every death he’s ever witnessed.

“Right now we've got to put that aside and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list…”

Tony briefly wonders if it's healthy to compartmentalize like that. It can’t be. But then he spots the blood on the wall and his brain moves on to another thought. Rogers is right, anyway. They need to focus.

“He made it personal.”

“That’s not the point.” Rogers replies, not catching the point just yet.

“That is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us all right where we live. Why?” He needs to explain. The man will get it if he explains. Sometimes he forgets that not everyone’s brain does the jumps his own does.

“To tear us apart.”

“Yes! Divide and conquer is great, but he knows he has to take us

out to -

win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.”

“Right,” He’s catching on, thankfully. “I caught his act at Stuttengart.”

“Yeah. That's just previews, this is opening night. Loki's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered…” Tony stops, revelation forming. Steve looks fully interested in wherever this is going.

“Son of a bitch!”

“What?”

“Big ugly building in New York!”

Rogers’ eyes go wide, “Let's go.” He orders, Tony already moving.

The battle was terrifying. There were aliens, gigantic half mechanical half flesh monsters flying around, and a murderous Norse god intent on taking control of the chaos and coming out on top. Tony wonders why NASA or SHEILD has never claimed to have seen the species this army is made up of before. These guys don’t seem very low key, what with all the planetary destruction. He doesn’t believe for a second that no one knew these things were out there.

He makes a mental note to hack the department of defense after he’s eaten his shawarma.

Tony never prepared for this. The only people who were even remotely prepared tried to nuke New York. And then Tony the not-hero, thank you very much, had to fix that problem on top of the other very pressing one. The other problem being aliens. Aliens invading the earth.

Aliens, Jesus Christ.

Afterwards, Loki gets taken to Asgard with Thor via Beam Of Light™️. Fury says the Avengers are all free to go. But Tony does extend the offer for the others to stay at the tower. They can if they need to, not forever or anything. But, if they want to stick around and help clean up the mess. Someone’s gotta, you know?

Romanoff took the offer. Then Bruce because he wants access to a lab like Tony can offer and totally not because he’s excited about their new friendship. Then Clint, who would like to stay close to SHEILD; then begrudgingly, Steve Rogers, who admits that he can’t quite afford life in New York City but would like to stay here. And suddenly the Avengers are piling into Tony’s penthouse, exhausted but still helping get rid of all the broken glass.

He goes to his lab as soon as sleeping situations are settled. (Natasha takes a guest room, Bruce gets another one, Clint and Rogers take the living room.) There’s no need to stick around. The superhero’s crashing in his guest rooms and living room are cleaned and fed, New York is saved (and subsequently the world.). Besides, he needs to start working on better living arrangements if these guys are going to stay. He gets half way through Natasha’s layout for her floor, when Jarvis lowers his music.

“What gives? I was just getting into a groove here!”

“It seems you have a visitor, sir.”

His head whips around, expecting Pepper, but instead he finds Steve Rogers standing on the outside of the glass door looking like a lost puppy in designer hand-me-down sweatpants. Tony sighs, Pepper won't be in until tomorrow. He’d had to do a lot of bribing to get the New York Airport to let his jet land. They have to clear some debris from the runway, fix some of the landing gear, that stuff.

“Shall I let him in, sir?”

“What? Yeah, yeah. Yes. Let the captain in, open the door.”

The door unlocks, allowing Rogers to step into the lab. He looks around in wonder, the exhaustion from the day being covered by the inquisitive nature of humans.

“What’s up, Cap?”

Rogers startles, having gotten distracted by the tech in the room. Then hesitantly, he speaks up.

“This place is really swell, Tony.”

He sounds like he means it so genuinely that Tony doesn’t make a remark about the outdated word choice.

“Well, it’s no flying boat, but it’s home. Speaking of, you’ll love this. Dum-e! C’mere boy!”

If Rogers looked amazed before, he looks absolutely awestruck now.

“Did you make him?” He questions as he reaches out to pet the robot. Dum-E nuzzles his hand and Tony smiles a bit at the sight.

“Yeah. Made Jarvis too, right J?”

“Yes, sir.” Rogers jumps at the sound of Jarvis’ disembodied voice.

“See? They get along too well though. They’ll surpass their old man one day. Too much plotting happening while I’m gone.”

Rogers laughs, “See, now, I would have thought you'd be all for the minds of the future.” He comments sarcastically.

“And usually I’d agree, but I don’t think I’d be happy if the new robot overlord was Dum-E. And hearing you, a twenty-something year old, tell me that the flying boat engine ‘runs on some kind of electricity’, settled it for me. I have no faith in the future of technology.”

The other man snorts, “I’m not exactly a prime example of the youth, man.”

Tony puts up a finger, “Ah, see, I’d believe you if you didn’t just call me ‘man’. I’m gonna start calling you kid.”

Rogers rolls his eyes, ignoring how that prompted a mock scolding on rolling his eyes at his elders. He then sees the current work in progress on Tony’s work space.

“Is this what you’ve been doing down here?”

Tony’s eyes follow Rogers as he walks over to the plans and starts reading them over.

“This is so nice. There’s a floor for each of the Avengers in here! Even Thor and I!”

“Yes, God’s need sleep too. At least I think they do. I’ll have to ask, actually. -And, also, why wouldn’t you have one?”

Tony watches the man's eyes widen as if being caught saying something he hadn’t meant to say out loud. Although as soon as the look of panic shows it’s gone, Rogers turns to hide himself in the plans again.

“Look, I know we didn’t start off on the right foot.” He starts, quieter than before.

Is… is Rogers attempting a reconciliation right now? Tony thinks back to all the thoughts he had earlier, where Howard may have had a fit. And how fitting he thought it was that Captain America hated him, although he wasn’t entirely happy about it. But this might be worse, actually.

“I believe you were being beaten up when we met, actually. And then I swooped in and saved you.”

Rogers immediately regains his volume, “Swooped in and saved me doesn’t sound entirely right.”

“This. Coming from the guy who still calls things swell? I think I’ll keep my phrasing.”

“I had him! You can't save someone who is in control of the situation!”

“You call being beaten up being in control? Please elaborate.”

“I was not getting beat up. I was holding my own.”

“Sure, kid. Is that a bruise?”

Rogers immediately starts feeling around his face. This is hilarious for a number of reasons. One, he has super healing and any bruise would have been gone by now. Two, Captain America looks far more worried about a bruise on his perfect face than when he was saving the world.

“Where?”

“Right- yeah, right there. Where Loki absolutely had the upper hand!”

That comment startles the older/younger man into stunned laughter.

And thats all I’ve got!! Thank you if you made it this far.

#Marvel #marvel mcu #tony stark #steve rogers #marvel fanfiction #fanfiction #Avengers #marvel’s the avengers #bruce banner #hulk #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #Thor #loki #clint barton #hawkeye

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