#reviewed yet so it's not like this is making you repeat anything) so in an abundance of caution here's the exact same file again just to be

[bitchthefuck1]

Genuinely cannot fathom how this woman's mind works, it'll be a genuine miracle if I don't kms before the year ends

The universe saw me finally getting out of a toxic social circle and moving away from my family and said let's balance this out by giving her a manager with the poorest communication skills known to man

[ebonysplendor]

Bruh review the new version of TKaTB bruh because WOWIEEEEEEEEE

I've found that I don't usually do whole reviews on the updated versions of the visual novels I've already written about...but I find it dope that this implies that you lowkey want my unhinged, scatterbrained story telling. Also, big preesh for keeping me straight lol, because, once again, I've been meaning to get around to playing the update, and I just haven't, which is extremely disrespectful. But anyways! I'm yappin' way too early...

TL;DR: HE HIT IT FROM THE BACK. I REPEAT. HE HIT IT FROM THE BACK! ... technically ... we need to have a serious discussion about this thing called "consent", though...

Game Link: https://fantasia-kittcat.itch.io/the-kid-at-the-back-demo

Notable Features: Yandere LI, Custom Pronouns, Self-Insert (first and last name), Two LIs, 1+ Hour Long Demo Spiciness: 2/5 or 8/5 -- Again, it depends on which version you get. If you get the regular degular free version, it'll be more innocent with some flirtiness here and there. If you pay for the NSFW version -- HIGHLY SUGGESTED by the way! -- it'll be way more sinful and the way that the Gods intended it to be. LI Red Flags: 4/5 or 7/5-- Breaking-and-entering, possessive, drugged us, lack of consent, but that "lack of consent" goes even farther in the NSFW version (yes, even farther than in the previous demo) ... but I still can fix him, ya know? Like, that's bae

Wanna know more? If you are not 18+, ABSOLUTELY NOT. You will NOT put this fantastic game in jeopardy, because you're some curious 14-year-old. I honestly don't even want you on my page...but let's be real, are you actually going to listen to me? I hope that you do...ANYWAYS. My 18+ crew, let's get into it!

Almost an entire month with no visual novel review? Nah, we absolutely cannot let that happen.

You know what else we can't let happen? My constant disrespect towards this visual novel. Once AGAIN, the dev(s) ate and left absolutely no crumbs. Like, damn, can you at least leave the plate? Like-- Okay, wait, no, stop. I don't want to get too far into that, because the yap sesh will get kicked off way too early, and I won't have anything for the actual review portion.

That being said, I have done a review of TKATB before, but I'm doing an update of...well, the update. That also being said, because I'm trying to avoid parroting myself too much, the review is going to flow differently. ALSO! Once again, thanks to the bestie, I was able to see the degeneracy LIVE AND IN 4K and biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch~! Let me tell-- Wait, no, no, no, stop. Not yet. Later. We'll talk about that later...at least sorta.

Anyways, like always, I'll def try to make this as spoiler friendly as possible, especially since it's lowkey a different game at this point. Like, the dev(s) have added in extra SCENES. We have new CGs! Like...we've got CONTENT in this update, y'all!

Okay, for realsies now. Enough yappin'. Let's get into it, and y'all...there's a lot to get into.

So, effin' BOOM.

...Actually. Let's do this another way, because we already lowkey know the story. Again, if you don't, I made a review of it a few months back that will get you somewhat caught up. This time around, though, let's just talk and vibe. Enjoy some snacks or whatever, ya know?

Go ahead and pick; there's plenty. I've got me, like, three capri suns and some donut holes. Like, I'm really tryna get into this game convo with y'all because we're squad, ya know? So, let's get comfy while gettin' into it.

All right, so -- *big siiiiiiiiiiip* -- my husband Solivan Brugmansia, right? Let's discuss. Not about him being my husband or not, the game. Respectfully, check yourself. Anyways.

My Gods. that is bae right there. Like, gah damn...

For starters -- even though, I can totally fix him, and I want to make that very clear! My baby ain't do nothing entirely wrong! Like just- just give him to me. He is just a lil' traumatized and misunderstood; he is very capable of change. Like, I can fix him! I can! -- it's only fair to remind you that he is, uh, kind've batshit crazy. Now, the wild part is that I for realsies forgot that he is not entirely sane. Like, not even kidding about that.

This experience has been a sort of "Let me seep you into the madness" versus a "Let's make him insane off rip", and because it was like that, when he started doing typical yandere shit, there were -- specifically -- two different times that I experienced genuine shock. It was literally like, "Oh yeeeeeeah. This is a visual novel with a yandere love interest. Solivan's the yandere. He's not wrapped too tight. Ah, yes, I forgot about that factoid", ya know? The shit genuinely caught me off guard.

Anyways, still can't trust the orange juice, 10 is the magic number, and don't kiss Crowe...like ever lmao. You can dismiss the fuck out of that man, but he's lowkey a simp like Sol is, so as soon as you kiss him lmao...

Just remember that it's implied that Sol is, and has always been, keeping a close eye on you. Actually, let me back up a little. Let's talk more abo-- Oh, wait, do you need a refill? Okay, hold on for a second. Wait, are you good on snackies? You know what? I'll just grab everything, just in case.

...

Okay, now, let's talk more about the orange juice.

Never --

-- and I mean NEVER, trust the orange juice.

There was a moment that we got with Sol, and it was like, "...Aw :)", and then, he was like, "I made orange juice~!", and it was like, "...Aw :(". Like, lmaooooo, I thought we were past that, ya know? Like, I obviously like you! I have you at a 10! Why are you resorting to nonphysical violence? I mean, he got physical in other ways, but it wasn't violent, ya know what I'm sayin'~?

Now, the "10" thing that I keep bringing up.

This competition between them is more intense than I thought, bro, and Sol does not cope with failure well. You know how people will be like, "a win is a win"? Well, with Sol --

-- a loss is a loss, even if it's just by one point.

Remember that whole "Don't kiss Crowe" thing? I genuinely mean that. As tempting as it may be -- and believe me, it's tempting especially because...Crowe can really make a girl feel really, really... wanted, ya know?🫦... ANYWAYS -- DO NOT kiss that man, because that's the game point. Now, who's the actual winner in that scenario.... 👀🧃*dramatic siiiiiiiiiip*. I ain't gon' say it...but I'm just sayin' lmao.

Even though, I really ain't shit because...I willingly cheated on Sol with Crowe. WAIT. LET ME EXPLAIN WHY THOUGH.

This man, dear Gods, this man. I must stay focused... This man is the one that you SHOULD be dating. This is the one that all of your friends and your family really like and approve of. This is the healthy choice, but you don't choose him, because the one that you want is "dark and hot and tall and mysterious" and you're like, "but daddy, I love him!". Meanwhile, your friends are desperately trying to tell you about all the red flags with the other guy and are like "What is with you and toxic men?!". Then, when you defend your toxic crush, they shade you because they "should've saw it coming" when you had picked Sesshomaru and Sasuke over Inuyasha and Naruto.

...But, anyways, when I say that Crowe is Prince damned Charming? Babes... And then he let that hair loose????

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabes~!

As a side note, lol I wasn't pulling those descriptions (completely) out of my ass; that was the literal intention.

See? "Dark and mysterious" vs "Princely".

Anyways, Crowe's rizz game is...surprisingly strong? Like, I honestly don't know why I was so shocked, but I was shocked. Like, a girl was genuinely flustered, because what do you mean that "you knew that we were going stargazing but you didn't know the brightest start was going to be right in front of you" and "anything for me"? Not to mention that this man was putting flowers in our hair and carRYING US TO OUR APARTMENT IN THE RAIN? BARELY GRUNTING WHILE DOING SO??? Like, sir, please, don't do this. I have a husband...but it's like, shit, I won't tell if you won't at this point.

That's pretty much all the new stuff -- well, that I was willing to partially spoil for you. There's other stuff, but you definitely gotta see that live and in 4K, and trust me, you're gonna want to.

Once again...THE FATTEST EFFING SHOUTOUT TO WHOEVER SENT THAT ANON MESSAGE AS THEY HAVE PUSHED ME TO STAND ON BUSINESS ONCE MORE.

It is even more beautiful than I remember, and thanks to the bestie, I was able to see my husband in all of his glory LIVE and in 4K. Okay, but I was degenerate throughout this whole post, so let's just put a pause on that and actually review the game properly.

This is still a work of the Gods, and I honestly love the tweaks and additions that were made. From Brittany's personality being tweaked so it reads more as "I swear, I'm not mean; I'm just really bad at talking to people" to Crowe's scenario being way more in depth to getting some more CGs of my husband Sol. The art style is still damned IMMACULATE to look at, and the plot is STILL plotting. Also...he's cute, but I lowkey don't trust Crowe, because why are you so perfect? The dev(s) is/are writing the EFF out of these characters. Like, honestly? Continue to pop off.

I definitely plan to buy my own copy, and I HIGHLY suggest that you do the same. It's honestly just the spicy scenes, so it's not like "Ooh, extra lore!" or anything, but they are honestly so deserving of that monetary support. Not to mention, the NSFW version is what the Gods would have wanted.

Even though, I'm wondering if we'll ever explicitly know Sol's (and definitely Crowe's and Hyugo's[/Geo's]) background. Now, admittedly and as far as I know, this is really the only piece of "lore" that you'll miss if you don't get the NSFW version, because I'm certain that I'm not the only one that's noticed it, but just in case you haven't (and I'm cutting the heck out of this CG because it's very spicy, but I need you guys to see what I'm talking about).

What's up with these bruises? Like, you see that right? But it's not in the other picture, so it's like...? What the eff happened? Like, the reason why I say that is because the second picture happened BEFORE the first picture, so something happened to him, but what? I know that it's implied by some of the things that Sol says and how he responds to stuff and some of his mannerisms that he came from a pretty shitty background, but what exactly and is it ongoing?

But, then again, it's like duh it's ongoing, because he said that "it's the usual" that he deals with...uh...certain situations. Check this out though; in that same breath, he was like "every bruise is worth it". Like...what? That's not-- That's not a normal or healthy thought let alone something you'd actual verbalize. Like, I'm telling you, the dev(s) is/are murdering this visual novel thing. No wonder it's so easy to forget that Sol is a literal walking red flag. I'm more focused on the plot than whether or not he's gonna drug my food.

Also, also, also, I just want to yap really briefly about my favorite CG... screen... UI thingy...that I can't show you. Not because it's a spicy one but because, even though you can probably read between the lines, it'd be, what I feel is, a major spoiler. Just as a slight "pro" tip. That little green heart at the top right of your screen that turns blue when you hover over it?

It leads to that screen with the scale that shows your affinity level for Sol and Crowe. Just...check in on that thing a lot; you may see something interesting. When you do see that interesting thing...please, think of me ಥ‿ಥ Because next to the way that the affinity level is shown altogether, it was my absolute favorite thing about the update. That was done so beautifully. ...Damn, I want to show you all so badly ._.

Anyways, I think my yap session should end here. I've already said it a handful on times, but what's one more time? I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend this game. It's so good, the art is amazing, the plot is plotting, and so much work and love has gone into this game, and it's STILL only in its demo phase. I suggest donating $5 to have (permanent) access to the NSFW version and/or telling the dev(s), "Hey! Really love your game! I was just wondering if you take human sacrifices? Would that expedite the full release? Anyways! You're doing great, sweetie! <3"; aggressively supportive validation is really the only way to go, because they really are doing more than a damned good job. You should honestly see it for yourself. Here, I'll put the direct link for ya.

I'm yapping again. I'm ending it for realsies now. The biggest preesh for hanging out with me today and getting this far. PLEASE, remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

The Kid at the Back (DEMO)

[mosaickiwi]

After reading your Ren/Angel writings (love them all ❤️)an idea poped up. Mc doesn't like the taste of artifical cherries so they avoid eating any cherry flavored candies. Ren knows this. But somehow Mc notices Ren seems to secretly love cherry candies so Angel surprises them with a variety of cherry candies 🍬

💝 Wondering how they find out hmm. Cherry scented cologne hidden in the bathroom? Ren taking 0.25 seconds longer than usual to pick a little treat in line at the grocery store? Detective Angel is on the case...!

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

Very Cherry

The rustling of plastic bags was unmistakable as you opened all the things you'd bought, but [REDACTED] dutifully kept his eyes closed. You accidentally knocked one bag over and sent a few lollipops careening off the table with a loud clatter. A few fell into his lap. He pretended not to notice.

“Y’really don't want any he—”

“No!!” you quickly interrupted him, already picking the candies up. “It's a surprise.”

Finally, after discarding a few damaged goods, the bowl you'd set before him was full. All sorts of colorful sweets were piled together. Gummies, chocolates, hard candies and more, each with a cherry flavor to them that you were certain he’d love.

You made a face at the pile, but thankfully none of it was for you to snack on. “You can open your eyes,” you said, but changed your mind immediately. “Wait! Wait—” You ran around to sit opposite of them at the table. Seeing his reaction was all you could think of for the past few weeks. “Okay, now open them.”

Their eyes opened, neither shocked nor surprised, but excited nonetheless. “‘Was wonderin’ what y’were buying all this candy y’don’t even like for. Seemed like too much for the kids at the library.”

“Hey!” You didn't expect him to admit to stalking your internet history. “I thought you'd learn to stop snooping by now. Act surprised, or else.”

They grinned before doing their best soft and shy Haruko impression—a mockery of an act they'd long since dropped. “O-Oh, a gift? You're so sweet, Angel!! I can't believe you bought these for me. I promise I'll treasure it!”

You rolled your eyes, but answered with sincerity, “You're worth every cent. I like seeing you happy, Ren. And I like making you happy.”

“Shit…” [REDACTED] muttered and rubbed at his jaw, almost at a loss for words. “I... Thank you. Really.”

In spite of the genuine blush forming on the hacker’s cheeks, you could tell he had mixed feelings. Of course they'd be grateful for anything you gifted him. But if it was something that you were open about hating, the item in question would be avoided altogether. Regardless of his own feelings on the matter. It was a strange tendency they couldn’t really let go of just yet. 

Encouragement, and a little pleading, would do the trick, though. 

“I worked really hard to find all of these. And I was looking forward to seeing your face when you finally had some,” you said, practically pouting at them, your chin resting in the palms of your hands. “Just a bite?” 

Both the statements were true. Since you couldn't stand the flavor you thoroughly scoured all the online reviews before enlisting the pickiest of your friends to taste test, then repeated it all to find candies that suited him. Enough to get a wide variety. So the results from all that effort were very important to you.

Incapable of ever refusing the smallest request, your partner grabbed a wrapped candy at random from the bowl. It was a half moon shape, and a bright shade of red with a white line along the round edge. Kiara had suggested that one—but only after telling her all the expensive candies she sent would use up a huge chunk of your budget. 

You chose to keep that information to yourself as he carefully unwrapped the gummy candy. Any mention of another person would no doubt sour his mood.

[REDACTED] held the candy up to their lips, and instead of eating it whole, they took the tiniest nibble you'd ever seen. Still, his face lit up at the first sample. He took another tiny bite, then another and another. As if he couldn’t decide between savoring or devouring it completely.

“Do you like it?” You leaned forward on the table, relishing in his reaction. 

He swallowed to answer you right away, putting the candy—with not even half of it missing—back in its paper. “Yeah. ‘Like it a lot, actually.” 

The bowl’s many candies crinkled as you fished through it to pull more of the same type out. “They have a sour version, too. I'm sure you'll like that one even better,” you said. In the small pile of half moons you made, there were a few speckled with white sugar. He took another. “I'll order some more so you don't have to eat them like… that.” 

“‘M not trying t’save ‘em,” he mumbled, though the delicate way he unwrapped a sour gummy and started nibbling again like a hamster said otherwise. It was a fascinating sight, if not completely silly for the man decked head to toe in black clothes, intimidating accessories, and silver piercings. You had to keep yourself from giggling and he insisted again. “Really, Angel. I jus’ wanna be able to thank you properly when I’m done.”

You smiled at their consideration. All too easily, you could imagine your face scrunching up at the cherry taste sure to linger on your boyfriend's tongue if he kept indulging. “I'd still kiss you even if you taste awful,” you teased.

As if to test your confidence, he popped the candy into his mouth and watched you pointedly. They took their sweet time to chew it, giving you time to reconsider the idea while he fiddled with a lollipop from the bowl.

Your nose wrinkled as the faint cherry smell finally wafted over, the fruity scent stronger than you anticipated. “... Maybe only on the cheek, though.”

He noisily stood from his chair, and you knew right away he was leaving to brush his teeth.

[writingcrustacean]

Kinda Cute

Pairings: Ace x Reader, Zoro x Reader

Content: Fluff. Gender neutral reader in mind.

Note: Am I making my first post- as in, first ever Tumblr post- a total shit shot? Yes, yes I am. Did I edit or review these at all? No, no I did not. But that's fiiiiiine. I haven't written much of anything in years, okay? It's just, these two boys just have me in a chokehold, and I love them. I promise I'm actually good at this shit, it's just 2:30 am and, again, haven't written in ages. So if it's bad and you read this, that's on you. Not me. Deal? Deal.

Zoro;

“Kinda cute.”

Those words were on repeat in his head, bouncing from wall to wall, echoing and silencing any other thought that could have existed. He had just woken up from one of many naps when you said those words to him the first time. His eye met yours, confirming that it was indeed meant for him. A slight upwards tilt to your lips and a sparkle in your eyes.

Fuck.

A rapid, onset blush kissed his tanned skin as he found himself unable to look away. You were quick to take it in, your smirk growing. You were teasing him, had to be.

It had been days since you first spoke those words to him, and you found every chance to repeat them- any chance to see his blush, truly. Your infatuation growing day by day, blush by blush. It was unfair, really. You were so smooth with your flirtations, so comfortable with turning Zoro into a stuttering mess. Normally so composed and in control, two words were enough to break him. He almost had enough of it, enough of the torture. But he couldn't deny it- he loved your attention. Secretly craved it, secretly wanted more. So much more. And he was about ready to go for it. If you could so easily make your interest known, so could he. Easy.

Right?

“I- d’you?” His face was hot, so hot. His mind was going blank, looking into your gaze.

You took a step closer, brows knitted together. The back of your hand gently met his forehead, an attempt at checking his temperature. “Ya okay, Zoro? Your fac-”

You were unceremoniously cut off as the swordsman slammed his lips against yours, his eye scrunched close. You could have giggled, would have, if he hadn't pulled you so close. And the electricity that shot through your body had both mind and body going numb. Your stiff shoulders and rigid posture caught his attention, a flicker of uncertainty and panic surging through his core. Fuck, he fucked up. Misread your teasing as flirting, thought you were dropping signals you weren't. He felt so stupid.

Slowly, you raised your hands. One on the side of his face, the other on his shoulder. His roughness met with a softness he hadn't expected, both blushes intensifying. 

Ace;

The squeal slipped past your lips, loud laughter shortly following. Soft, warm fingers left feather touches along your sides. Up and down, up and down. His touch taunted you, tickled you.

Minutes ago you were sleeping so peacefully, relaxed and warm in the arms of your lover. And at first, you barely noticed his touches, softly caressing any inch of skin he had access to. But then his hands ran along your sides, snapping into reality at that ever familiar sensation. The chuckle from behind you confirmed it was on purpose. You would have turned to look at him until he did it again. And again. You quickly decided rolling away was the better option, meeting the floor with a rather solid “thunk” as you let out a loud huff. “Ace!” You whined up at him, pout ever evident in the tone of your voice- a failed attempt at hiding your amusement.

His freckles, black eyes and hair were soon hovering over the edge of the bed. His wild grin lit up his face as he drank in your appearance. Lips in a pout, eyes wide and glistening. “Heh, kinda cute.”

You exaggerated your eye roll, yet your lips began to curl into a grin at the compliment. As much as you hated admitting it, you wouldn't mind being woken up like that any day of the week. So long as it was him, with his warm smile and loving gaze. Unfortunately for you, he knew that. Knew just what effect he had on you and how hard it was for you to be mad at him.

[carmyberzattosjournal]

S2 Entry 2: Soothe the Goosebumps

Image credit: @neverscreens

Summary: Carmy’s girlfriend (who he calls Darling) soothes him down from an impending panic attack with apple cubes. (1346 Words) FLUFF.

Warnings: Swearing, hurt, comfort, fem reader/lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns, finger sucking (light), impending panic attack (panic attack doesn’t happen), praise kink, feeding kink?, subby!Carmy. Mentions of Donna Berzatto.

Notes: Thank you for reading and sharing! This is a work in CB Journals Season 2 and will be tagged with #cb journals s2.

Sideblog for commentary and social stuff: @m-z-shoroi

Prompt: String Lights

“Do you not decorate for Christmas?” she asked. “Not even string lights or a mini tree?”

No. Fuck Christmas.

The silence, and the subsequent recoil evident on her face when I looked up from the apple I was dicing, is what told me I’d said that aloud. My stomach flipped. Hands abruptly turned cold for some reason. Heat flooded into my face.

I can’t even begin to explain to you the biblical level of shit I was in that week. That whole month, honestly. The review didn’t go well—we weren’t given our star, which meant that not only did all my bullshit that I pulled in the restaurant after having that mental fucking breakdown after the walk-in incident severely strain all my interpersonal relationships, it also did fuck all to give us any sort of results. If we’d gotten the star, then maybe, maybe, it would��ve stung just a little less. The wounds haven’t gone away—the repeated flare-ups of fighting between Sugar, Richie, Syd, and me are evidence of that—but the star would’ve been salve on the cuts. Maybe taken away some of the burn. No, it just redoubled everyone’s rage at me (including my own. I was getting dangerously close to hating myself more than I hate the fucking Devil at this point). So, the burst of fighting at the top of November turned into all-out war for the rest of the month. We’d found something of a balance before—minus the flare-ups—where I’d do a new menu every month using seasonal ingredients. I’d be mindful of what the kitchen staff could do, Syd and I would actually properly collaborate on them, so she didn’t feel voiceless (even if working with another person drove me fucking insane sometimes), and Richie and I would, generally, as much as we both could corral our familial trauma, try to stay out of each other’s way. Sometimes even get along a bit.

“Carmy?”

Now? Now I lost all fucking control of my restaurant. Syd and I were battling over the menu because even when accounting for her notes, she wanted to scrap whatever I did. Richie was so far out of my grasp that Sugar maintained a demilitarized zone between us, acting as the Secretary of State—or I don’t know, a fucking messenger pigeon—bringing things back and forth, all while trying not to (and failing on multiple occasions) explode at either of us for our bullshit. And it was bullshit. We’re fucking adults, I keep trying to act like a fucking adult and get a handle on myself so this doesn’t fucking happen again—I’m in therapy, for fuck’s sake!—and yet Richie and Syd insist on being fucking children about it.

In retrospect, I don’t blame Syd. If your coworker spiraled off the fucking deep end, and all you got out of that was the trauma of surviving that spiral, would you even want to fucking look at them again? She worked her ass off to make The Bear what it is, she put stock in her own identity as a chef, and wants, more than anything, to be able to take pride in her work.

I said I wouldn’t stand by and let her do to herself what I did to me, right?

Am I not her Devil?

So here we are, December three days away, still without a fucking menu.

“Baby? Sweetheart? Hey.”

Shit. Shit. Fuck. I dropped the knife onto the cutting board. “S-sorry. Sorry, I-I should explain—”

“I just wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction.” She held her hands up, palms out towards me. “It’s okay. It just caught me by surprise is all.”

“Christmas-Christmas is fucking traumatizing.” Why did it come out like a question? It’s a fact. It was fucking traumatizing. I closed my eyes, trying to retreat to the quiet dark, where it’s stable, where it’s safe. “My-my mom, she would, uh, she would do this-this big feast. Seven Fishes... And it was-it was always such a fucking disaster. And-and she would always explode at the tiniest thing. I-I hate fucking Christmas and New Years a-a-and-and fucking birthdays. Fuck birthdays.”

Something burned in my chest. A deep sort of fiery sting that took me two heartbeats to recognize as stomach acid bubbling into my esophagus. I grasped at the pain as if I could somehow get ahold of it and remove it from me, could toss it away like a wet paper towel, but all I found was the front of my apron.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” Oh no, Darling sounded worried. I fucking hate when I worry her. I pried my eyes open and found her expression contorted in concern, eyebrows scrunched together, corners of her mouth turned down. “What’s wrong? Pain? Nausea?”

I tried talking, but I couldn’t produce sound past the hot iron burning my insides. Blindly reached for the quart of water and chugged a few sips down. It provided some relief initially, but the flames came right back.

“Hold on.” She rifled around the cabinet above my head and pried off the lid of the baking soda container. Put two pinches in the quart. Swirled it. “It’ll taste weird, but it should help.”

Metallic. Metallic, bitter, kind of salty? Like I licked a dirty penny or something. Weird doesn’t sum it up, it’s fucking disgusting. She rubbed up and down my sternum as I gulped this vile concoction down.

“It’s a base, it’ll help neutralize the acid,” she explained. “Just take little sips until the burning stops.” I’m sure she knew I understood the logic, but I appreciated her talking to me anyway. It was comforting. Something to focus on. Something to drown out the memories of ma’s yelling bubbling away in the back of my head.

Goosebumps exploded on my arms when I took another gulp of the baking soda water. It just kept getting worse. Now the weird taste was lingering on my tongue well after the water was gone, but my chest still burned like a brand was on it. Darling rubbed her hands up and down my forearm, trying to soothe the goosebumps away.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

I responded too slowly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Not even giving me this horrible shit; it was helping the heartburn.

“No, about the whole…” she gestured in a wide circle. Ah. About Christmas and shit. Got it. “It’s gotta be tough. With. How much those things are engrained in society and all.”

I shrugged a shoulder. Grimaced and got another wave of chills on the next sip of baking soda water. She picked up an apple cube and pressed it to my lips. It wasn’t meant to be an intimate gesture—I’m getting better at reading her face and knowing what the intention behind anything she does is—but something deep in my core tightened and warmed when she fed me the morsel of apple, when the tip of her finger rested just a second too long on my lips. I must’ve had a certain look on my face because she made the cute little cooing sound that meant she figured something out. Cupped my face with her other hand. Stroked my cheek.

“That better, pretty boy?”

She brought another apple cube to my lips, kept her eyes locked on mine—this piercing gaze halfway between interrogative and fascinated, like she was a cat observing a new toy, trying to figure out how to pounce on it. My navel flooded with heat, dick twitched in my sweats. Half of me wanted to shrink in place, become tiny and insignificant, small enough to fit in her pocket like a pathetic but endearing pet. The other half of me got lost in her eyes, in those shimmering river stones, in the perfect architecture of her eyelashes, as if admiring a fine work in some pretentious fucking museum somewhere. She let me suck the tip of her thumb clean. Dragged it slowly over my tongue.

I nodded. Yes. Yes, it’s better.

The fuck was I even stressing about before?

Tags: @carmenberzattosgf @jess248 @catharticconsolation @persymons @morgthemagpie @glitch0o0 @nox-is-thename @forgechildofheph @leminjelly @fridavacado @lumoslemon @cyarskj1899

[luviwon]

MY FAVOURITE SECRET LOVER y.jw [양정원]

no. 1: if you think i'm pretty, lay your hands on me

genre: smut & wordcount: 1.7k

warnings: switch!secretary¡jungwon, switch!manager¡reader, cheating, some nicknames, oral sex (reader receiving), no romantical feelings involved and vague mentions of other idols;

a/n: like and repost if you'd enjoyed, love. i'm also a sucker for reviews, so if you have anything nice to say, would love to hear! i also recommend reading this oneshot while listening to the song with the same title! (if you think i'm pretty – artemas) it hits different.

COMING BACK FOR MORE?

"i'm so glad today is over" you said as you entered your office, throwing your bag on the couch and sinking in your leather chair. "do we have a tight schedule for tomorrow, mister yang?"

the boy followed you into the room, and checked the papers in his hands before giving you an answer. he looked up and down on a couple of sheets, finishing his task with a simple smile on his face. "fortunately, not at all! although, i need to remind you that the day after tomorrow is your wedding anniversary, madam. any upcoming events i need to fill in regarding it?"

"as if" you chuckled, rotating in your chair a few times. "don't worry too much about it, mister yang, you will have the day off"

jungwon looked at you curiously. he couldn't quite comprehend how he could get a day off after he's just been back from his holiday. "i'm sorry, madam, are you certain?"

"i'm positive"

you chuckled again as you relaxed your legs on the office desk, one leg on top of the other, biting your gel nails gently. a habit you couldn't really get rid of, although you were trying really hard to. you looked over at your obedient secretary, standing up next to your desk with a naive smile on his face. he looked so handsome, especially today. his cat eyes would barely blink, his gaze being perpetually all over you.

"do you think i'm pretty, mister yang?"

"pardon?" jungwon's eyes became bigger, his mouth opening slightly. he was ready for anything, but not for that. that's why he sat silent, staring at your face, probably waiting for you to repeat your question. he must have heard wrongly.

your legs didn't rest long before they were put on the floor again, standing up in the uncomfortable heels you've been wearing all day. you fixed your skirt as you walked towards jungwon. the boy was just analysing every step you made, gulping while not letting his smile fade.

getting as close as possible, you raised your left hand, moving it closer to his face. you stared into his eyes, you could have sworn he was not blinking. his eyes were deep and hypnotising, you could have fallen down on the floor. would he have caught you? his cologne smelt so good. something like summer floral, not too strong though. just if you got close enough, and you were as close as possible.

jungwon did not move either. he was just staring at you, his lips opening again to start and say something smart, but your pointing finger covered it quickly, as in making him shut up. you knew him way too good, and you won't let him ruin this.

"if you think i'm pretty, lay your hands me"

the boy was still quite processing what was going on, but he couldn't help it. nervously, jungwon placed his left hand on your waist, holding the papers in the spare one. his palm held your body strong and then softly, but his hand never left your pretty waist. he did indeed answer your question now.

"considering you only used one hand, am i just half pretty, mister yang?" you teased him, grabbing the papers he was holding, and throwing them on the desk next to you. "you have no more excuses"

jungwon didn't need any. he placed his right hand on your waist too, before it went down your hips and thighs. his warm yet masculine hand grabbed your thigh hard, lifting your leg up next to his body. you gulped, meaning to cross your legs but couldn't. he didn't let go of your thigh for a second. your waist was left alone by both of his hands now, his left one travelling all the way up to your shirt's collar, slipping his fingers slyly underneath it and pulling it more onto the side.

"how come mr. sim didn't leave any marks on your beautiful neck, madam?"

"jungwon-,"

"should i make up for his wrong doing?"

jungwon's naive smile turned into a smirk, and before you knew it, you could feel his cold but soft lips touching your exposed neck, leaving wet marks on your skin. it was a feeling you hadn't experienced in so long, you were craving to feel it over and over again. it was absolutely magical, his lips were like no one else's. you wanted more and more as he kept making out with your neck, biting your skin with his sharp teeth and sucking the skin until it started to have a violet tint to it.

you bit your lips, trying to keep your moans hidden behind your mouth. he shouldn't know how good he makes you feel, would he take advantage of that?

"you are not just pretty, madam, you are gorgeous" he whispered into your ear, moving back and looking into your eyes. he smiled innocently, like he didn't just leave countless hickeys on your neck. he glanced at them and his eyes widened. did he go to far?

"oh, goodness. i couldn't stop myself, i'm incredibly sorry. i'll go and order your favourite concelear with urgent delivery, immediately. mr. sim will not be happy to see this, i'm worried"

you couldn't help but softly laugh at his reaction. he was getting all nervous and scared for his life. you, honestly, couldn't care even less than this. nor about your useless husband, always away from home, always secretive, showing only a lack of affection and care for you. you couldn't remember the last time he made you feel like this, like jungwon did in a couple of seconds. him finding out would be your last concern.

"what about we put him aside and focus more on this, mister yang?"

he nodded, grabbing your hand and leading you towards the chair. he pushed you carefully into it while loosening his tie. he looked so damn hot in this second, with his messy hair and craving eyes. his innocence disappeared for one second, so did your skirt that was pulled down and thrown away by your secretary, revealing a pretty pair of white panties, just as he liked.

you felt pretty wet already, and your panties showed it. as jungwon noticed, the bulge in his pants grew bigger, biting his lower lip. but it wasn't about him, it was about making you feel good. you were the boss here, he was just being given instructions. jungwon got on his knees, looking up at you while his fingers reached your wet fabric, and how wet was that.

"i know you can't stop thinking about it, madam. i'll make you feel good, to prove how pretty you are to me"

without second thoughts, his fingers slipped underneath your panties, only to pull them to the side while rubbing his hand against your pussy. although only for a second, the feeling of his hand touching your sensitive spot just sent you a shiver. you couldn't help it. and you were close to turning into the nervous, scared one. not because you'd be worried about your husband finding out, but because you had no idea how you would survive without this every day.

without yang jungwon teasing your wet and needy pussy.

"may i?" jungwon asked, his mouth almost reaching your private, yet his gaze not breaking the eye contact. he had to make sure you wanted to and felt comfortable, too. and you did, thus your nodding was enough of a green signal for him to innocently lick your clit a few times before sucking on it, not as softly as expected.

his technique was harsh but causing so much pleasure at the same time. your clit did nothing but get all swollen and red from the nice sucking jungwon gave you, however he did not stop there. he was taught to finish his task, before going to play, so placing a sweet kiss on your clit, he burried his face into your pussy, loudly eating you out. holding your ass in his hands, he kept dragging you closer, not being able to get enough of your taste.

you threw your head back, moaning his name with your fingers lost in his messy hair. you crossed your legs around his neck, pushing him deeper and letting louder moans out. at this point, everyone in the department would have heard you already, but wasn't that the best part? for people to know who makes you cum so well?

jungwon did anything but got tired, as his mouth did not take a break from devouring his dessert.

"jungwo- your tongue feels so good"

hearing that, the boy only got an ego boost, which only made him take all of your pussy in his mouth, taking it in aggressively and hungrily. he needed you so much now that he had you. he wanted more and more and nothing would have been enough, besides living with his face between your legs.

no long passed until you could feel your pussy feeling so good, an absolute unexplainable feeling, making you hold onto his hair harder and arch your back on the office chair. jungwon moaned into your pussy, acknowledging you were getting close to making him so proud. instead of going faster or slower, harder and softer, he just kept his speed and method, knowing already that's what you needed.

that's all you needed.

it took you one second to relieve your orgasm inside his mouth, yet he did not stop but overstimulated you by continuing to eat you out. the echoes of your moans could be heard in the entire empty room. you couldn't face it anymore, it was too good that you might pass out. you pushed him gently, and he understood, standing up again with his innocent smile on his face one more time.

innocent my ass. you tried to fix your breathing, however it was hard to even think about fixing it. cumming feels good, but cumming with him? that's another kind of pleasure. you just stayed in the chair, not moving an inch from your comfortable position. you closed your eyes and smiled to yourself too. how did that actually happen?

"i'll make sure to fill in upcoming events for your wedding anniversary, madam. i'm just worried mr. sim might have to be excluded" said jungwon, picking up your skirt from the floor and handing it to you.

you instantly opened your eyes, witnessing how his naive smile turned into a sly smirk.

**not proof read

[back2bluesidex]

Delicate, Yoongi, implied smut?

Delicate - MYG (18+)

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader

Theme: implied smut, a hint of angst, fluff, strangers to lovers AU

Song: Delicate

Word count: 1290

Warnings: Mention of drinking, one night stand, reader is head over heels for Yoongi.

Minors and Karens Are Not Allowed in this Blog!!

A/N: Thank you so much for this request Anon! Delicate is one of my personal favorites. and especially thank you for confirming your age, I appreciate you for complying with my request. Hope you like this one and hit me with your feedback.

The bartender smiles at you as you settle down on a bar stool. 

“Welcome back.” he greets. You are half shocked to find out that he actually remembered you after seven long months. 

“You remember me?” You return his smile. 

“How could I not? You are certainly one of the most beautiful yet humble ladies I have ever served.” he compliments and your smile widens. 

“Thanks..” you reply, being quite flattered. 

“Will you take the same as that night?” the bartender asks. 

Just the mention of that night spreads goosebumps on your entire body. Oh how you want to repeat that night, how you want to end in that same position over and over again. You must be a freak for wanting so, but you don’t care. 

“Yes, yes please.” You murmur your order. 

You do a quick scan of the bar, trying to find that one face you came all the way here for. But to your dismay, you don’t find what you are looking for. You get no sight of him. 

“He is not here tonight.” the bartender pipes in while placing your drink down on the bartop. 

“Huh? I- I didn’t get you.” you lie. 

“You are looking for him. The guy from that night. Aren’t you?” he smirks. 

“I won’t say no.” You take a sip of your drink, “is he a regular here?” 

“Yes. Almost. But never seen him hitting on anyone other than you though.” 

“Oh.” you reply, taking another sip. The bartender gives you one last smile before he leaves you to your own devices. 

As soon as the space is empty, you let your mind (and heart) drift back to that night of seven months ago. 

Seven months ago

“Long island iced tea is the best choice if you want something refreshing.” a voice interrupts your menu reviewing process as you look up from the screen to take a look at the owner of the voice. 

You are spellbound. Your eyes have never had the privilege of resting on a more handsome man. His pale skin perfectly compliments his feline eyes and thin lips. His long and dark hair reaches to his nape enhancing his beauty even more. If there is anything you could compare his beauty to then it would be a mansion with a view of a wide blue sky and equally blue ocean. 

You don’t realize that you are staring at the stranger with your mouth hanging open. 

You only get your composure back when his bicep brushes with yours as he tries to settle on the bar stool next to yours. 

You avert your eyes from him and proceed to place your order, “One long island iced tea please.” The bartender nods. 

“Thanks for the suggestion.” you look at him again, this time with a small smile adoring your lips. 

He smiles back at you and god! Why is your heart acting up like this? You look away not being able to tame your hormones that are making you feel all giddy in the presence of a handsome stranger. 

“Is this your first time here? In this bar? I haven’t seen you around before.” he asks and you face him again. 

“Ah yeah. I am visiting Daegu for a family function and going back to Seoul tomorrow… so… enjoying some alone time, I suppose.” you don’t know why you are spilling up so many TMIs, when only a ‘yes’ could have worked perfectly. 

“I see. Nice to meet you Miss….” he raises one of his eyebrows playfully. 

“Y/N” you complete for him. 

“Yes. Y/N. I’m Min Yoongi.” 

“Nice to meet you too, Yoongi.” 

That night ended up with you withering under Yoongi while he pounded into you, with your fingers tangled up into his long dark hair that you liked so much. You loved everything about that night. You loved everything about Min Yoongi. Staring from his dark jeans and Nike shoes, the way his footsteps sounded on the hotel staircase, to the way his cock felt in your tight cunt, the way he sucked on your nipples and bit on them to make you whimper, the way he painted your skin with bruises that took days to disappear and especially the way his lips fit with yours as if they were made for each other. 

Next morning you woke up beside him with his body pressing into yours. You had to bid him goodbye in a haste since your bus was leaving within an hour. You regret not asking for his number or anything else other than his name. But then again, you were just his one night stand and he could have easily rejected your proposition. So it’s probably for the best. 

However, there’s not a single day you haven’t thought of him in these seven months. His face, his touches, his kisses keep coming back to you almost every time you close your eyes. And as a result, you are here, after seven damn months. You don’t even know if you are going to see him or not. And if you do, then you don’t even know if he will recognize you or not. And if he does then, you don’t even know if he will ignore you or not. 

You inhale sharply as you take another sip of your long island iced tea. 

“Welcome back… Y/N” and there it is, the voice you were craving to hear. The man that you are here for. You follow his voice and you see the man standing there with all of his glory, giving you one of his gummy smiles and taking all of your breath away. 

“Yoongi.” you smile back in awe. 

“Didn’t think I was going to see you again.” he says coming closer to you. 

“Neither did I.” you mutter. 

Silence settles between you two as you stare at each other for a few moments. 

“Do you have any plans tonight?” Yoongi questions. 

“Not really.” you answer. 

“Then.. would you like to go for a walk? By the beach?” 

“Sure.” 

“I don’t wanna freak you out but I couldn’t stop thinking of you since that night.” you murmur in between the kiss. The moonlit sea is roaring before you. 

“Neither could I. Why did you think Jimin called me as soon as you arrived at the bar?” Yoongi breathes out placing chaste kisses on your lips. 

“Jimin? The bartender? You know him personally?” you detach your mouth from his and look into his beautiful eyes. 

He gives you a small smile, “well, he is more like a friend and less like an employee.” 

“Employee? Wait- you own that bar?” you untangle your hands from his neck and try to stand straight only for him to push you back on the wall and press his body on yours even more. 

“Yes. and you are the first customer I have ever hit on since the birthday of my bar.” 

You giggle, “Really? Then I must be lucky.” 

“Maybe? Or maybe you just made me crazy?” Yoongi’s lips come closer to yours once more. 

“I did?” 

“I know it’s too soon to make promises but that one night wasn’t enough. I want to know you more, discover you more, fall for you more.” Yoongi whispers right into your month. 

"Yoongi-"

"Is it cool that I said all that? Is it too soon to do this yet? 'Cause I know that it's delicate." he cuts you off.

“What do you think I am here for Yoongi?” you ask him, “I want you just as much.” you seal your lips with his. 

This time the night ends with you watching the sun rise on the beach, standing barefoot on the sand as Yoongi wraps you from behind in a tight back hug while promising each other more than just nights from now on.

[mercillery]

hi there can you make a continuation of the college au zogratis siblings confessing that they have a crush on y/n but y/n said no bc y/n is not ready for a relationship with them?

btw i wish you are doing well and i definitely love your writing style 💕

WARNINGS: GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + NOT PROOFREAD + DANTE SUCKS

NOTES: Zogratis siblings aaaaaaaAaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love them. I hope you’re doing well too, anon. <3

ZENON ZOGRATIS

Zenon actually takes the rejection like a champ. There’s no dramatic pause, no brooding silence, no stormy expression like you might expect. Nope. Instead, he just nods. Like…really nods. One of those slow, deliberate nods that makes you wonder if he’s processing the situation or mentally reviewing his grocery list.

“Okay,” he says, his face calm as ever, but there’s a tiny glint of understanding in his eyes. You almost expected something more—maybe a little frustration or at least a flicker of disappointment. But nope, Zenon is just Zenon, unflappable and composed, as if you’d just told him the weather forecast, not that you weren’t ready to date him.

He doesn’t push, doesn’t pry. He’s not the type to get mad or act hurt because you didn’t leap into his arms after his confession. If anything, he respects your decision without question, like the stoic guy he is.

No pressure. No drama. Just Zenon, chilling with the fact that feelings are complicated and people need time. He’s not going to hold it against you, and honestly? You kind of appreciate that about him. If only more people could take a no as coolly as Zenon does. He could probably write a self-help book about how to handle rejection with grace.

Honestly, there's not much to unpack here. He’s just cool with it. Like, he gets it—maybe even better than most. Zenon’s not exactly the poster child for romantic relationships, or any relationships for that matter. His idea of intimacy is probably limited to nodding at someone from across the room. So when you say you’re not ready, he’s like, “Yeah, makes sense.” He’s not about to pressure you, and he’s definitely not going to pull a rom-com “Wait, but I love you!” moment.

BUT (and here’s the kicker), although he won’t openly admit it, if you ever change your mind? He’s there. Oh, he’ll be there. The second you give him even the slightest hint of readiness, Zenon’s already in position like it’s a chess game he’s been waiting to win. He’ll probably keep his poker face on, but don’t be fooled—inside, he’s absolutely down for it.

VANICA ZOGRATIS

Now, unlike Zenon, Vanica isn’t the type to just nod and move on. Oh no, she’s got a whole different approach. While she’s not going to full-on force you into a relationship (because, you know, boundaries exist), she’s definitely persistent—like a stubborn, hyper puppy that just won’t quit. When you tell her you aren’t ready for a relationship, she hits you with the classic “yeah, anyway,” as if your response was merely a speed bump on her road to victory.

You thought saying “no” would end the conversation? That’s cute. The next day, she’s right back at it, asking you again with that wild grin of hers. “So, you ready now?” And then the day after that, “How about today? Feel like being my partner yet?” She’s relentless, but in that charming, chaotic way only Vanica can pull off. You could say you’re not ready a hundred times, and she’ll just shrug, fully convinced that one of these days, you’re going to cave.

It’s like a daily ritual at this point. You say you’re not ready, and she laughs, twirls a strand of her hair, and replies, “Well, I’ll be here tomorrow!” It’s less pressure and more persistence, like she’s playing a long game and having way too much fun with it.

Like I said, Vanica’s not about forcing you into a relationship, but she’s got consistency down to an art form. If persistence were an Olympic sport, she’d have a gold medal. Every day, she’s back with the same question, and let me tell you—this girl could go on forever. Do not, I repeat, *do not* underestimate her determination. You could tell her "no" a thousand times, and she’d still be like, “Okay, cool. See you tomorrow!”

In short, Vanica is *not* going to stop chasing after your love. She’s like a determined romantic Terminator—she *will* be back. Honestly, you’d have to move to another dimension to avoid her at this point, and even then, she’d probably find a way to follow. And if you think she’ll eventually give up? Wrong. She’ll literally rise from the dead, all “surprise! Miss me? Sooo, you ready to be with me now?” The chase is never over with Vanica—she’s in this for the long haul, no matter how long that haul might be.

DANTE ZOGRATIS

I’m so sorry but he’s a prick.

The guy has “entitled” written all over him. The moment you tell him you’re not ready for a relationship, it’s like he’s suddenly hard of hearing. “Not ready? What does that even mean?” To him, that’s not an excuse—it’s more of a challenge. And Dante? He *loves* a challenge.

So, yes, he absolutely pushes you into a relationship. Subtlety isn’t exactly in his vocabulary. He doesn’t care if you say you’re not ready—he’s decided that you *are*, and that’s the end of the discussion. By tomorrow morning, the entire campus will know that you two are “official,” whether you agreed to it or not. Honestly, it’s like Dante thinks relationships are a dictatorship, and surprise!—he’s the dictator.

He’s the type to “make” you ready for a relationship, whether you actually want it or not. It’s all very... *Dante.* Control is his game, and you’re just a piece on the board he’s moving however he pleases. If you’re not ready? Too bad, because he’s ready for both of you. By the time he’s done, you’ll practically need a press release to convince people you *aren’t* dating.

In my last post about this, I mentioned how Dante would shoves a bouquet of flowers in your face—yeah, that’s not an exaggeration. He’s not exactly subtle. Right after, he invites you to dinner, and boom—you’re suddenly on the spot. Don’t think for a second this happened by accident. Oh no, Dante *absolutely* did this on purpose. The man’s got strategy, and his strategy is making you so uncomfortable that rejecting him feels impossible.

Here’s the thing: if there’s one thing Dante Zogratis *cannot* handle, it’s rejection. Especially when *he’s* the one putting his pride on the line. This guy is used to people throwing themselves at him. He doesn’t confess, he gets confessed *to.* So, the moment he flips the script and confesses to you? You better believe he’s expecting nothing but a “yes.” No playing dumb, no pretending you didn’t hear him, and definitely no blunt rejection. That’s why he puts you on the spot—to corner you into saying yes.

He’s not giving you a way out because, frankly, he doesn’t believe there *is* one. In his mind, you’ll say yes because that’s just how it works with Dante. It’s his world; you’re just living in it. So, when he hands you those flowers and invites you to dinner with a charming smirk that says, “I *dare* you to say no,” know that he’s already decided how this is going to go down—and spoiler: it’s not in your favor.

Don’t even think about saying you’re not ready for a relationship. He’ll shrug you off, sure—he might even pull a Vanica-style “yeah, anyway,” but trust me, he’s *not* backing off. He’s the “Oh, you’re not ready? Well, good thing I wasn’t really asking” kind of pushy. You can practically hear the unspoken “I’ll make you ready” in his voice. He’s relentless, like a bulldozer with a superiority complex.

The very last line for Dante’s part was "either you reciprocate his feelings, or you destroy your life by declining them." Yeah, that wasn’t just for dramatic effect—it’s the cold, hard truth. Dante doesn’t handle rejection like a normal person. Instead of taking it on the chin, he uses his reputation and popularity to make sure *you* feel the consequences. Rejecting him? Big mistake. Your social status? Consider it in the negatives. You’ll go from minding your own business to being the person who dared to turn down *Dante Zogratis.*

Yeah, he sucks. He’s the kind of guy who’s convinced you’ll come around, whether you like it or not. To Dante, your feelings are just a minor detail to be adjusted along the way. He’s already decided the outcome—you’re either with him, or you’re dealing with the fallout of crossing him. Sorry!

[luckydoeslanguage]

🎏Immersion, its quirks, and tips for language learning this way!

its the 5th of May, so happy children's day! 🎏 I got a question in one of my posts asking for some advice on immersion learning! i thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about immersion in general, my current study(?) routine and perhaps give some useful advice! As the name suggests, Immersion language learning is done primarily by consuming media in your target language. Immersion can seem super intimidating to us learners, mostly cause we can't understand most of the stuff available to us. But! its not impossible to start out using immersion right out of the gate. i think people tend to get scared or go "I'll immerse when i get better at my TL!" But the truth of the matter is, your not going to get used to, or better at your target language unless you consume actual content. (in my opinion.)

Honestly, a lot of immersion learning is being able to tolerate that i probably wont understand everything right away. I will someday, but for now i have to be comfortable with not understanding a lot. which is okay! So, what is my current study routine?

right now, my routine consists of:

doing vocabulary cards on Anki from a premade anki deck.

playing about an hour of Animal crossing everyday

watching 1 - 3 episodes of an anime

watching Youtube videos

weekly (ish) grammar done by reading Imabi, and watching Cure Dolly videos on Youtube.

The bread and butter of my routine is learning vocab, and occasional grammar studies. I'm using the core2k/6k deck. which as the name implies, is an optimized vocab deck that contains the most common 6k JP vocabulary. i currently take 5 new vocab cards a day, and try to get my reviews in everyday. my anki deck has contributed a lot to me being able to immerse so early in my language journey. learning and then reviewing new words everyday lets me recognize words in my immersion. As time has gone on, i can recognize more and more words, and even some words I haven't encountered yet in my deck. Immersion, while still uncomfortable, (especially with complex media) is the other side of the coin. i try to spend double the time i spend on anki, immersing. Mostly because i enjoy what I'm immersing in, but also because i get more out of it the more time i spend immersing.

"that's all well and good Lucky, but what advice would you give to someone who wants to learn this way?"

Well! first of all, and this is very important:

Be comfortable with ambiguity. you may not be able to understand some, or maybe most of the thing you are immersing in. that's okay! Your brain is already looking for patterns to see in your TL, and is growing more accustomed to it. I got a lot of headaches in the beginning, i still do actually. but i know that's my brain working hard! (take a break if you get a headache!!)

Second, and probably just as important:

Follow your interests. make immersion fun! whats the point of immersing if its torturous?! I'm a lot more likely to continue immersing in something if i actually enjoy it. there are a lot of easier anime to immerse in, but if I'm not having fun, I'm not going to learn anything. you should do the same! even if its too difficult to understand. I'm currently watching someone on YouTube play a dating sim, and even though its waaaay above my skill level, I'm really enjoying myself watching it! I've even recognized some words i know. whole sentences, even.

Third:

Be Consistent! This is probably advice you've already heard, but it bears repeating! even if you do something small like listening to a song in your TL, that's immersion babyy :) consistency is key, above all.

Lastly: Track your Immersion. a problem with immersion is it can feel like you are going nowhere. tracking how much time you spend doing an activity, (watching videos, reading, etc) is a great way to make immersion more tangible. lots of people reccomend toggl, but i personally use polylogger. its built with language learners in mind, and is stupidly easy to use. i also keep personal logs in an online diary, as well as here on my blog to measure my progress. it helps!

alright, i think thats everything i have to say for now! if you've made it to the end of this long post, hello! and thank you <3 hope you've had a good day so far! I will leave you with some links to more reading on the subject under the cut, they go into more detail than i have here.

take care for now! またね！

this article by Refold about tolerating ambiguity:

The Moe ways guide to immersion:

Making the leap to Immersion, Video by Cure Dolly:

[viciousvortexx]

Devil's flu

a stubborn devil gets sick and learns how to appreciate his sensitive side.

ps: i just reviewed this once so pardon me if there's anything wrong <3

pss: i'm cheesy

You take a moment to just stare at Vergil sleeping peacefully on your lap, wrapped around a fluffy duvet to keep him warm, his cheeks and nose slightly red, shallow breathing and messy hair that painted his sick state. Slowly, his ocean eyes open, taking a look at the TV screen and then up at you, his voice was more husky than usual and a bit weak. “You're still watching this channel?”

After so many hours watching Discovery H&H, you were already entertained with the granny style TV shows, losing count of how many programs about cakes and house renovation you watched just this evening. Here and there, Vergil starts to spasm softly on his slumber, catching your attention from the strawberry cake recipe on the screen, placing a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. “Great, he's not so cold anymore.”

To your surprise, Vergil caught some sort of flu that only infects demons, even if he was half human, his half demon part didn't get out of this. He tried to deny telling you everything was alright, but who he thinks will get fooled? Vergil was coughing and sneezing all the time, having headaches and sore throat, runny and stuffy nose and of course, a fever. Actually, you're not certain if this should be called a fever. With devils, instead of their body temperature rise, it decreases. It was so strange to touch him and not feel the usual inhuman yet comforting warmth.

Chuckling, a warm smile spreads across your face as you pet his head. “Oh, but you were the one who wanted to watch this, remember? Hey, how are you feeling?”

"I'm fine, just a little sore...” Sighs, a whispered honest admission, running a hand through the messy silver locks of hair. His honesty makes a sweet feeling of relief wash over you, making Vergil understand that he needs to be open to you was a hard task, and the process was still ongoing. To make him admit he was sick, god... What a headache, it just took Vergil to almost faint and a pinch of stubbornness. To make him take the medicines then? Even worse. You took thousands of deep breaths to steady yourself, it's not like he's doing this to be a pain in the ass, this man haves so many scars on that heart, and you're happy that Vergil is managing to heal them, even if slowly, very slowly...

“Do you want to take another hot bath, perhaps?” Places a hand on his forehead to check his temperature again, indeed more warm than before.

“By that you mean give me another hot bath, right? You're spoiling me, little one, I still know how to clean myself.” He chuckles a bit, oh, that soft wrinkles on his face when Vergil smiles... To see that the devil doesn't show anymore that bittersweet expression when you offer him help or care, the one of annoyance and insecurity, scrunching up his eyebrows, that was replaced by a shy yet sincere smile, it fills a clenched heart with joy.

“I feel like a burden like this, you've been doing things for me...” Before he could finish, you interrupt him, cupping Vergil's face, playfully (and nervously) squeezing his cheeks to make him pay attention.

“Hey, hey! what we talked about?” You keep looking at him like waiting for Vergil to say something very specific.

“I... you really will make me repeat this again? It's embarrassing...” His cheeks are flush as you release them, a slight frown on his temple, you only raise an eyebrow and grins, Vergil sighs while closing his eyes and repeating “I'm loved and cherished and it's okay to not be ok— oh, please, that's ridiculous!”

That causes you to laugh a little, messing up his hair white hair. “Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...” your hands hover in the air as a sign of surrender, “ I just want you to remember that it didn't bother me at all to groom your hedgehog hair every morning the last three days and that I love you.”

“Groom what?” Seeing him making that challenging face makes you burst out laughing, but it immediately stops when hearing him speak again with a low voice, “I love you too, thank you for everything.” Vergil reaches one of his lukewarm hands to your cheeks, brushing his thumb back and forth.

Just for a moment, you both remain silent, just looking into each other's eyes, your pupils must be dilated like the full moon right now, because that's what love does, it makes us feel like fools, our bodies betray us with uncontrollable reactions, and it feels good to be a fool for this devil with the flu. Ah, but love is not supposed to be hard, loving him was never like that, we all are a little damaged inside, what changes everything is learning how to deal with that damage without harming the others, when you love, you're up to sit down with that person under the rain, let it pour, let it wash away. Blue always was the hottest color, maybe so hot that's why not everyone wants to touch it, but you did.

“Come on, I'll bake a cake for us, I know tons of recipes after this evening, I bet I'm an expert now.”

After hearing you, Vergil starts to free himself from the barrier of duvets you built over him, and you have to hold another laugh when your lover stands up wearing the "Girls ♥ my autism swag" you gifted him as a joke, that damn fucking shirt, the fact that he really wears it to stay at home...

“Good, I can't stand eating soup anymore.” Vergil runs a hand on his hair to fix it, roll your eyes, even when this guy is sick he's still the same as always, the one that you fell in love to. You have no idea of how long this flu will last, of how many days you'll spend the evening watching Discovery H&H shows with Vergil, all you know is that you couldn't be more glad than to take care of that grumpy blue devil.

[partyanimal167]

I’ve just been watching Bleach and in the credits to ep 118, Grimmjow gets called a Professor 👀 and now I can’t stop thinking about it…

So how about an AU where Grimmjow is a professor? Sorry if that’s too vague and random 😅

Oh no, that's not too vague. Thanks so much for suggesting. I always laugh thinking about certain characters being "responsible" adults esp when it comes to working with other people lol. I was so close to making Grimmjow a culinary professor, but it'd be too easy lol. I hope you like this!

CW: sfw, college au, gn! reader, cussing (bc let's be fr now), slight flirting near the end

There were so many signs that this class was going to be...not normal. However, when you gleamed through the professor reviews there wasn't anything out of the ordinary...well you didn't read them all. Mistake number one.

Mistake number two was not reading the syllabus (who does though) and showing up to class when it started--10am. There were a few people, but after waiting fifteen minutes, not even half the class was there and neither was the professor. After another fifteen minutes, you were starting to get a bit antsy and confused, but soon the rest of the class filled in. Then one guy came in with ripped jeans, a white jacket, shades, and a Monster in hand.

Damn, this guy looks rough. I bet he was partying too hard with the new semester starting. You jumped when a bag slammed on the teacher's desk. You tilted your head as the man's shades came off, and you were met with blue-as-hell eyes and a grumpy expression.

It seems you weren't the only one confused.

"Hey! Class was supposed to start at 10! Why is the professor late?" one guy yelled from his seat. A few other students mumbled in agreement.

"Oi, why the hell are you yelling?! Too fucking early in the morning," the man barked back. You could feel his voice rumble in your chest. It sounded as if he had just woken up not too long ago either. The man went over to his seat and kicked his feet on the desk. He popped open his energy drink and went on. "Literally on the first page of your syllabus it says that class starts at 10:30 because 10 is too fucking early and I like my sleep. It ain't my fault the dean wouldn't give me a noon class, tch."

You couldn't believe your ears. This guy can't be serious. This is my literature professor? You didn't like to make assumptions about people, but the guy looked to be around everyone else's age and even if he did teach a class, with his attitude you'd think it'd be something...not like literature.

"Anyway, the name's Grimmjow. I don't really care if you call me Professors. That's your business. This is Global Literature of the 21st Century. I hate repeating myself so listen the first time, and I don't give out extra credit unless you drop off a 12-pack of these first." the man went on tapping the can.

You sunk it your seat a little. What the hell did I sign up for?

~~~

After those first couple of weeks, you decided that you would do your absolute best in that class and avoid being a nuisance to that grumpy professor. Grimmjow definitely had a reputation on campus. Many students had a love-hate relationship with him--grateful for the extra time to sleep in, no bullshit, and the somehow rowdy yet engaging teaching. Definitely hate though for the teasing, cussing, yelling, and him being ready to chew out whatever dumb ass he picked that day.

So it certainly wasn't your best moment when the man practically ordered that you came to his office hours later that day.

You slowly opened the door to his office and met with the rather odd scene of your professor with reader's on his nose going over papers. For a moment, he looked really peaceful and actually almost professional.

"Oh wow, you actually fucking showed up."

And moment over.

You stopped yourself from messing with your elbows and nodded. "Uh yeah what's up, Grimm?" you immediately winced on the inside unsure of how the man would react to the unofficial nickname. But he didn't say anything.

He pointed at the chair, and you immediately sat. He rubbed his face and pushed the glasses off his head. "Look, I'll make this quick. Tell that idiot Jackson to stop stealing whole paragraphs from your papers or I'll break his arm."

You blinked. "Excuse me?"

There was that annoyed look again. "I'm not stupid. The guy has been copying sentences and paragraphs and piecing them together as his own work. He's already going to get in trouble, of course. But seriously, your work always seems to be included. Is he your idiot boyfriend or somethin'?"

The mention of a boyfriend flustered you a little even though you wouldn't dare consider that particular classmate. "Oh no uh- I'm single, and I kinda don't know how he's getting my assignments. I mean we do work together in the library but-,"

The man cut you off and waved his hand. "Okay, okay whatever. Just be mindful of where you're leaving your shit I guess."

You nodded then paused for a moment. "So I'm not in trouble?" You couldn't deny that being in front of the man made you nervous.

"Tch, for what? You're like one of my best students." Grimmjow easily said. "I actually think you know how to read a book and write. Some of these fools are using ai bots as if I can't tell." That was as close to compliment as you ever heard the man say. His face softened for a moment before he grinned meanly. "Well, I will give you some advice."

You weren't sure what it'd be, but you brightened up at the offer. "Sure!"

Grimmjow flicked your forehead before leaning back into his chair. "I got a rule that I don't go dating students, so you better fix how you keep eye-fucking me before I make it a problem." he snickered.

"What! I don'-,"

"Get out."

You squeaked before hightailing it out of the office--face warm and heart racing.

One thing you did know for sure though, you were certainly ready to see what type of problem your professor would give you.

~~~

Grimmjow! I want more of you lol. Thanks for reading! I'll be here if anyone has any thoughts, prayers, or ideas haha

[trifargo]

Persona 5 Kitchenette (Cooking)

is a P5 game idea i came up with... instead of the main PT, the stars here are the auxiliary phantom thieves instead (and joker): akechi, sumire, sophia, zenkichi, and toshiro. this came be because i'm annoyed at how zenkichi (and sophia) are not in P5T, so i thought "you know what, because i am complaining about the lack of P5S guys in P5T, and the royal trio fans complain about the lack of P5R guys in P5S, what if i merge the left out folks in a game. world peace???"

it's basically cooking mama, but a bit more elaborate. the game will be split in 3 parts: shopping, teaching, and cooking. more below (VERY LONG)

storyline

winter holiday is coming up. joker and the gang plans another reunion in leblanc. but then, joker remembers something: the team was bigger, sometimes. there are some of the PT comrades that have yet to chat and meet with them, or even with each of them. so he decided to whip up a surprise: he'll invite not only the main PT, but also the auxiliaries, to meet with each other and the main team.

so joker invited the auxiliary gang ahead of the D-Day. and to make the smaller mini reunion more fun, he decides to do a cooking lesson with them, and they have to cook this on the real reunion day - for the main PT gang.

for the mini reunion, they'll be cooking in sojiro's house, instead of leblanc because of course, leblanc will be filled by customers, duh! they'll have some chats - the awkward one, funny one, annoying one... some character developments and look deeper on the ideals and meanings from the journeys each aux members have gone through. exploring the possible paralels in each characters, contrasts, and what they have been doing while they're off the game.

gameplay

the game is basially visual novel with minigames. it has 2 modes:

story mode: follows the story above. the story itself won't be long, probably like... 3 hours? 5? i dunno. it will play like P5T format: gameplay - dialogue - repeat. i personally find this format to be monotonous to enjoy, so the break sections (the one with menus) will probably allow you to walk around the house and outside? still, all you can do here is talk, so probably there'll be reward for talking. maybe bonuses to ease your next minigame. the character you'll be playing as is scripted.

free mode: you can cook whatever you want in here. it's off from the main story, so treat it like an "what if" (like joker's wedding scenarios in P5T). you can cook whatever you want - there are even new recipes in this mode! complete all the recipes perfectly to achieve platinum. you can pick anyone you'd like to play as (though they determine the kind of minigame you'll be playing, being shopping/teaching/cooking - except joker, he can play all these three).

meanwhile, the game parts are as below. these aren't super fixed or anything, could be changed.

shopping: you'll be playing as sophia. retaining her role in PT as a vendor, your job is to shop the items joker is asking you. joker will give you some items to buy. each item are bought by playing 2 minigames: maze and "find the difference".

maze: sophia has to find the right website to buy the item... by donig code blocks, because she's an AI. code it right, so sophia won't get lost among the sea of websites... the most monotonous one i guess, as there isn't many varieties to it...

find the difference: joker wants these items precise, so you gotta pick the right shop and item based on joker's note. plays like papers, please!, where there are details you can inspect deeper to match and make sure you get the right one (like fake customer reviews, for example)

2. teaching: you'll be playing as sumire and toshiro. each of them will do 1 recipe (so 2 recipes in total). they can cook well, so joker would like you to teach akechi and zenkichi how! teaching is kinda half-half on cooking and "pick the right one" game.

cooking: your job is to prepare the ingredients. these are too advanced for those bad cooks, so hopefully this will ease their process (like preparing fish from the bones, or whole chicken).

"pick the right one": basically making sure those bad cooks do the instructions properly (example, placing the right step to do in the progress bar in stirring process), with a timer.

3. cooking: you'll be playing as akechi and zenkichi. each of them will do 1 recipe (so 2 recipes in total). they're confirmed to be bad at cooking, so joker wants them to learn cooking better... for akechi so he can stop buying take outs, and for zenkichi so he can cook for akane better. this one is full cooking a la cooking mama, so their mingame depends on the recipe they're cooking.

for the mini reunion, you'll be playing shopping and teaching. sophia will shop the ingredients for both mini reunion and reunion day, while sumire and toshiro will teach you how to cook in mini reunion day. in the real reunion day, you'll be playing cooking only.

i was thinking to pair sumire-zenkichi and toshiro-akechi, because pairing sumire-akechi will probably develop less new things from them, as they've met in P5R. but i'm sure that developing new things isn't everything - i think akechi-sumire is a lacking connection in the royal trio triangle, and i'm sure this game will also be about getting new interactions from the established character dynamics. so probably, first half of the teaching/cooking section will be sumire-zenkichi and toshiro-akechi, while the second half is the opposite (or you can swap the order). so you get all.

as for morgana (because morgana is always next to joker), he'll be there as emotional support commentary cat during the gameplay. sophia can also be one during teaching/cooking.

as for the recipes, some will be taken from joker's kitchen in P5S. the ultimate recipes, leblanc coffee and curry, will only be unlockable in free play.

costume

i approached this one with functionality & "what would atlus do", even when i don't know what people wear at winter!!! otherwise, i'd take joker's glasses off and all that... though i believe i can be better at the color picks - i don't think atlus does color coding that much, judging the costume variants in the game. everyone who has long hairs will be tied, because like futaba said:

joker: i observed that his wardrobe is mostly plain, no pattern or peculiar detail. so i gave him shirt with not too much decor other than the buttons and black lines on end, and jeans to make it homey, but still kinda formal for guest visits. joker's appron is the appron he use in leblanc. nothing fancy behind it...

akechi: i noticed a running joke about akechi and plaid patterns when i was doing scramble zine and ya. all his wardrobe has that. so i gave him yellow plaid outer. he sorta has earthy color and his party color is brown. but his pants are already beige, so it's... yellow. his appron is kinda fancy, but still clean sleek. has metallic accents (pocket pins and harness) to give a bit boldness to it, vibing his loki side. i came up that shido facilitated him the appron if he wants to cook himself, but too bad he doesn't know that akechi can't cook...

sumire: she starts to feel more comfortable living as sumire again, so she wears the glasses back. i left her hairstyle as is, as it has lore. her fit is mostly opposite of kasumi, being more modest. color is from the violet dress she bought with joker in 3rd semester. her appron is... this wasn't really the plan (i think of picture printed appron), but i can't come up with a design yet!!! so i think she'd just have normal appron, but with patterns. kinda looks aunty/mom vibes... i think of the tora shirt she picked with joker. it's pretty mom/aunty vibes and sumire wasn't actually sure when she picked that, but i think she eventually developed a slight interest in those kind of patterns. i'm still considering to change the design, though... not 100% fixed.

sophia: she's a unique case, as her role/game is not cook, but shopper! so she becomes a delivery girl. ichinose came up with her look. so i gave her delivery jacket. her design is the most difficult, as i don't usually like drawing overdecorated anime fits, and how sophia is meant to evoke friendliness according to soejima & kanda, plus keeping her minimalistic aesthetics. then i combined the details it with puffer jackets, while making sure it's not overdecorated and making it as similar as sophia's original shilouette. IMO it became a bit too playful, as i slapped colors that are not in her original design. the blue green red accent is taken from sophia's shop UI. treat it like sophia's shop employee jacket! her footwear is a bit taller and is a shoe now. she's travelling the net, so...

zenkichi: the adults are tricky. they still wear the suit, so i could only change the shirt and tie. zenkichi's design is pretty normal common, even his design uniqueness is logical: when people's shirt button are usually similar colored to the shirt, his is a peculiar black. so i gave him pocket with black lining... he'll mostly be off suit, so there's no problem with suit obscuring pocket. his tie is also off. his appron is new. but because he doesn't know much cooking, he bought an overkill appron, AKA a barista appron with many pockets...

toshiro: i'm not really sure what is his job after P5T... but i assume he still wears suit around. so he wears a pale purple shirt. his tie is still purple, but grid pattern. he doesn't wear gloves anymore too, of course. i don't know toshiro's icon. we need to think that... his appron is plain, simple, and functional. the best that works with his housechores, something he excels at.

bonus contents

i'm thinking of a DLC with another character that have big impact to the story, but also too out of the picture to come back: maruki. i haven't decided how it will be like though. for now, i'm thinking either of these:

a separate day in the story, where you just cook with maruki. no shopping section in this DLC, just cooking and teaching. they both will teach a recipe to each other, and talk a bit more about how's maruki been doing.

a dream section or something? comes down to whether i can come up with a reason to summon the other PT auxes to this story. basically, besides maruki, you can invite 1 more guy from the list of PT auxes to cook with him. so each character will have their own storyline. more on this option:

sumire will be about reflecting their past relationship and how things are now, akechi about 2/2 (but pretending they don't meet, so it fits both who do the akechi and normal versions) and probably shido ties, toshiro and zenkichi about what happened to them in 3rd semester and how they feel when they found out, and sophia about learning maruki's heart research.

i assume toshiro is immune to maruki's influence in a way for now, because erina was born to protect him from godly influence... or maybe because salmael has taken place? i dunno. could be he's not immune either though, if erina's meant to only protect from salmael and not maruki.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 146 thoughts

This chapter (and thus this chapter review) contains discussion of abuse, suicidal ideation and CSA, so if you're not in the headspace for that, skip this one and I'll see you next time.

we are so oshi no back

After last chapter left me fighting for my life to come up with literally anything to say about it, this was one of those chapters where I ended up having more and more to say about it the more I turned it over in my head. It still feels a bit disjointed and has that same issue of ripping through the events of the movie way too fucking fast that the arc as a whole has been having lately but this chapter was such a breath of fresh air I can't bring myself to care.

The chapter itself is more or less split in two, with one half dedicated to 15 Year Lie's in-universe events and the other focusing a bit on Aqua and Kana for, tbh, the first time in way too long. Admittedly, my enthusiasm for 15YL has waned given the reveal of just how much of it is completely made up but like. I'm still gonna over analyze this stuff. Sunk cost fallacy, don't fail me now!!!!

I joke, but the 15YL section of this chapter was legitimately bone chilling. That barrage of cuts following Uehara's attack on Airi…. fuuuuuuuck, man.

Airi herself is pure fucking poison this chapter too and I mean it in the best way. I continue to be incredibly impressed with how OnK understands the motivations of a person like Airi what her abuse of Hikaru is really about. When discussing this in 141, Miyako points out just how often victims of abuse can themselves go on to perpetuate their own pain out of a need to try and regain their dignity, but I think what Airi seeks in her abuse of Hikaru is control. We see how often she wields her power over him while pretending that he has as much agency as she does in their """relationship""" and it's repeated here, too; she throws the results of her own sexual abuse of him in his face as a way of permanently chaining the two of them together, all while tearing down his worth as a person as if to 'prove' he deserves to be trapped in her grasp. I've said before that Akasaka is unsettlingly good at writing toxic mothers but I think Airi has made it pretty clear that Akasaka understands and is thus excellent at writing abuse and abusers in general, and for someone like me who counts that as one of their favourite Themes (tm) in fiction, I feel quite well fed.

The abuse Airi hurls at him is also interesting from a perspective of paralleling Hikaru even further with Ai. We saw snippets of this in 140, of Hikaru characterizing himself as someone desperately trying to construct a version of himself that can be loved by others the same way Ai creates 'Ai of B-Komachi', a version of herself who can give and receive love in the way she thinks her authentic self is unable to. Airi puts this into more explicit words; Hikaru must construct this fake version of himself because there is no 'real' him and thus, he is inherently unlovable. Jesus Christ.

Knowing those words were swimming around in his head, it makes the HKAI scene that follows even more of a gutpunch than it already is. It's the most wonderful kind of miscommunication tragedy - with their respective traumas, there is basically no other way a talk like that could have gone and yet it's agonizing to see it play out. Ai's innocent cruelty in the face of Hikaru's pain and her suffocating smile… the worst part is, while I completely understand why this was so shattering for Hikaru, it's impossible to miss that this was, in a way, an expression of love from Ai; it was honesty, an admission of vulnerability. She herself even says she doesn't want to lie to him. But to Hikaru, what else could that have sounded like but a confirmation of his most godawful fear?

that said. the timeline here is very confusing. this seems to imply hkai were still dating all the way up to the murder-suicide, which seemed to be just before the dome concert but did the breakup really seem that recent during their phone call?? this whole timeline is penised beyond repair.

The art in this chapter in general is incredibly good but something in particular I want to highlight is how much and how often Aqua-as-Hikaru looks like Ai in these panels. I can't put my finger on what it is, but that similarity always makes me feel so warm and sad whenever I see it. For as much as he struggles with his relationship to her, Aqua really is his mother's son through and through.

and. man. what even is there to say about that scene in the rain and everything that follows. I was't sure if the murder/suicide was going to be featured in the movie but even the brief snippet of it that we got and that barrage of scene titles and Kamiki's silent scream… whoof. shit like this makes me really hope we get to see mengo illustrate a horror manga someday because i think she would absolutely kill it.

We cut back to reality to see Aqua reading the script and in perhaps the most interesting swerve in this chapter, we see that he has once again reverted to his double black hoshigans. And uh, am I going to sound like a terrible person if I say I'm really glad for this? LOL.

Obviously I would rather Aqua not be experiencing Suicidal Ideation (Bass Boosted) 24/7, but it's kind of a relief to see that one single conversation wasn't enough to totally shake Aqua out of that headspace. I've talked a lot about how frustrating I find it that 'Ruby finds out Aqua is Gorou' is treated as the finale to her black hoshigan arc and every ongoing thread, internal and external, attached to it was dropped like a rock with no further interrogation. It robbed Ruby of the opportunity for some really important growth and, imo, was just shitty for Kana and Memcho who were treated extremely poorly by her and got no apology for it. I was really worried this would be the case for Aqua as well and that his own dip into that rancid headspace would end on a wet fart which would really sting given just how little insight we've gotten into him this arc. But this chapter makes it clear that while some cracks have started to form in his armor, he's not in the clear just yet.

i mean, even if he was permanently back to one white star, aqua is such a little freak regardless………………………….

What this means in the long term is a little hard to pin down, both because we've had so little insight into Aqua's headspace this arc and because the exact nature of black hoshigan as a symbol has always been a little Calvinballed, but in this context and for Aqua specifically, I think we can read this as his conviction in the messy endgame of his revenge play being shaken up. I, personally, have been reading the black hoshigan as of late as an expression of the sort of futureless despair that can become suicidal ideation, at least for Aqua; since immediately after Ai's death, we have gotten incredibly strong hints that Aqua is suicidal, his guilt-fueled desire to die and his desperate want to experience a happy future at war within him. He more or less explicitly says as such in 106, expressing that this break in their relationship is necessary for Ruby to be able to live on 'after he's gone' - which strongly implies that Aqua's revenge play is intended to end with his death.

Knowing that Ruby is Sarina wasn't quite enough to shake his conviction, but their talk in 143 was. I do think Ruby just giving him some straightforward affirmation was a good starting point but I also can't help but wonder, with the context that his white stars were not indicative of a permanent change, if hearing just how deeply Ruby still relies on 'Gorou's' presence in her life struck a nerve for him. Paraphrasing her from 143, she straight up says Gorou is the one who gives her life meaning. And if that's how it is, what exactly will happen if he's gone again..?

Obviously this is all still speculation because even when I am begging on hand and knee Akasaka is refusing to give us Aqua introspection but at this point I have to make a guess at SOMETHING if i am going to say anything remotely coherent about aqua in this arc, so

ANYWAY!! AQUA AND KANA HAVING A NORMAL ASS CONVERSATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!! Ngl, it did give me a bit of a chuckle to see Kana voice the question of whether Aqua was getting too immersed in his role, given that people were accusing her of that back during the first round of the RBKN conflict.

I was also really surprised to see Aqua just outright say that yeah, he is at least flirting with suicidal ideation. Like - that's the first time he's said that out loud, to anybody??? In 143 he voices the less damning but still not great sentiment that he feels guilty for being alive but this is to my knowledge the first time Aqua has expressed his suicidal ideation out loud, let alone to anyone else. And… fuck, man! That's an absolutely terrifying thing to hear a friend say. No wonder Kana reacts like she does.

Because of my powers of Claire-voyance (read: basic pattern recognition and being in fandoms for 15+ years), I'm pretty sure people are going to be Very Mean to Kana about the way she chooses to respond to Aqua here but honestly? Not only did this tough love response feel very IC for her, but the clumsiness of it felt very honest to me. I think a lot of people in fandom lately just want characters to talk like fucking therapists all the time and have the Correct And Unproblematic Response to… well, situations like this. But Kana is an 18 year old girl who has her own share of issues and her friend she knows is dealing with his own huge amount of baggage just casually dropped an "i wanna kms" on her. All things considered, I think she handles it surprisingly well.

Because like… look at what Kana really says to Aqua here. She gives him some of their usual banter to diffuse the tension but then makes herself very clear: she does not want Aqua to hurt himself and makes him promise that he won't. It's clumsy and rough in the way Kana often is, but I think the important part - her sincere care for Aqua as her friend - really does shine through.

also cute that other people caught: Kana squishing Aqua's face seems to be an intentional callback to one of their on-stage interactions in Tokyo Blade, right down to Aqua making a identical scrunchyface to Kana. Extremely cute. I love it when Aqua is cute <3

Kana also being a person able to shake Aqua out of his black hoshigans also leans into something I've been hoping is going to pay off for a while now; the idea that Aqua's salvation is not going to come from any one, singular character but from the many different people who Aqua has built relationships with coming together when he needs them to support him. One of the things OnK has continually highlighted is the way isolation and lacking support systems warp and damage people's mental health and I think it would play excellently into that theme to have Aqua's support net, so to speak, to be wide enough to catch him no matter where he falls.

the product placement was very stupid but i did laugh pretty hard at it and then immediately go buy myself some potato chips so i guess it worked. genius mangaka aka akasaka.

All jokes aside, the note their talk ended off on was so lovely too. Aqua being honest enough to admit that being with Kana is fun and Kana getting all dokidoki and then quietly admitting she feels the same when she's alone… cute! But more than that, it highlights something about the AQKN dynamic I think is really important, regardless of whether their relationship is romantic, platonic, in laws, mlm/wlw hostility or whatever else; Kana is his friend and he can just be a normal boy and have normal fun with her without any ulterior motives. It's something Aqua doesn't really have in any of his other relationships so getting a reminder of that and what it means to Aqua was really good.

honestly i think i am just so starved of nice things happening to my son that seeing him opening up to one of his friends and admitting he has fun (HIS LAUGH!!!!!!) was like a shot of heavenly ambrosia for me. please can hoshino aqua have just one nice day.

OR UH… BASED ON THAT LAST PAGE…. PROBABLY NOT ANYTIME SOON….!!!

this is what i mean about this chapter giving me 5000000 things to talk about. kamiki is TALKING TO RUBY IN THE FLESH FOR THE FIRST TIME and i almost completely forgor.

why is he dressed like a dad about to take her out on a fishing trip, though

Ruby looks unusually solemn while she's praying, which is interesting. She's been pretty bright and high energy since 141ish so I'm curious what has her looking so comparatively dour. She's praying at a shrine, too, which means there's probably something on her mind. Nik (@akane-kurokawa) theorized that she's anxious about the upcoming scenes in the movie (LIKE, YOU KNOW, HER MOM'S DEATH) and until we get further insight on that, that's what I'm gonna assume too.

putting aside how Shrimptresting it is that Kamiki turned up out of nowhere like that, I can't help but note a certain horrible parallel between Uehara meeting young Hikaru in the rain with a black umbrella and Kamiki doing the same for his daughter…

cannot wait for that entire talk to get offscreened. lol.

break next week……………………………

[starillusion13]

FRIENDS!? Chapter 11

🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

Series ML

Pairing: poly!ateez × f!reader (An ATEEZ Office AU)

Genre: Mature, Angst, Yandere

Warning: mention of memories and gaining back memories (nothing much just go with the flow), mention of knife, hostage and crying, fear.

W.C: 3.4k Network: @k-vanity

[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]

Hello, Can we be friends please?

>.<

You were looking around the room and playing with your fingers while humming a song you were listening to on repeat these past days. You glanced at the photo frame across from you --- a large portrait of yours hanging in the middle of the wall. They decorated the room according to your favorite color and everything you liked which they had known when Wooyoung took you to a place to know about your thoughts on the interior planning for your room someday.

Who knew it was going to be real for you?

The pastel shades and warm touches of the light color with the comforting mattress on which you were lying comfortably --- what else could one ever want more? A stable job, caring and loving friends who treat you like a family and a comforting place to stay --- maybe a home. The previous room was actually pretty nice and you loved it so much but the recent one can't be compared to it. The old one seems a casual one to this. This one is like heaven and as if you are really a princess.

What if it's a cage?

If someday you get locked inside and then the comfort would turn into your suffocating boredom. Why are you being paranoid again, y/n?

Or could it be because you're in danger?

It's natural. If you can't remember the missing parts then this is going to be a hard way to accept the good and happiness.

But one thing.

They are helping, caring for you. Being friends with you to stay close with you and living together. Could it mean something else? As if they do all these, maybe they're just trying to keep you close to them for something like losing you will make them lose something important to their work --- or like a plan.

You laid at the bed before closing your eyes to clear your mind off.

You are thinking too much. All negativities. Can't you appreciate them for being such gentlemen? You are their bestfriend --- even more than that. You love Yunho... What is he doing right now?

Your eyes slowly opened and you kept staring at the ceiling. It's good or bad, you can't do anything. You don't have memories of your past like others, you have mysteries which are yet to be discovered.

"I think, I should sleep and then it'll be alright." You mumbled and brought your legs closer and hugged them to stare at the wall sideways. Turning off the light, you sighed and closed your eyes.

You are at a safe place --- a comforting one. You have everything and certainly, you don't want to run away from all these....again. right?

You can't fall asleep. Ugh!

A thud sound of the door jolted your eyes shot open, a large figure of a man entered but you couldn't see the face when he still didn't turn on the lights. The room was dark and you gulped in fear as to who entered the room like a creep. It should be one of the boys. For anyone else, it can't be possible to be here.

"Who are you?" you scooted back towards the cushioned headboard. You quickly moved to the other side when he sat at the bed and reached out to turn on the night lamp.

"How are you?" the soft voice made you sigh in relief. It's him and you are just scared for no reason. You shifted your butt to sit near to him and he patted your head affectionately. A sweet smile appears on his face and reflects on yours too.

"Why are you here? Can't sleep?" you held his hand when he placed his palm on your thigh and nodded."I can't sleep...but I want to." You whispered and played with his fingers.

"Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" he suddenly asked. You quickly looked at him, eyes shining with hope but yet a flick of nervousness was there. You licked your lips before slowly nodding at him. "lie down for me."

You quickly followed his soft order. Your head again hit the pillow and now you were eagerly watching how he looked around the room before getting closer to you and laid down, resting his elbow to balance his body side facing you. He did notice the little hesitance in you and he pulled you a bit closer to him to rest his palm over your eyes.

"why can't you sleep, pearl?"

Pearl...you love this name.

You didn't answer but getting lost with the feeling of his warm hands on your cold face inside the room. The air conditioner was a bit at a low temperature. You heard a clicking sound. And he placed something on the nightstand.

"Why are you keeping the temperature so low? You are cold and this might make you fall sick." He lightly scolded you and again patted your head but this time you were not closing your eyes, you stared back at him with lots of questions inside your mind.

"Why are you doing this, Yunho?"

His actions halted. Your words seem to affect him in a way but you don't know how.

"Try to sleep, y/n."

You grabbed his wrist when he tried to make your eyes shut and you shook your head. He noticed that you wanted him to reply and until then you were not going to sleep. "what?"

"Just answer me...and then I will sleep."

He bit his lip, brushing your hairs away from the face, caressing your cheek. He managed to look good in his jet black hair. Recently, they all have dyed their hair black than before when they had different shades of color. Even though it was weird to you, they looked good.

Just when you were about to say something again, he spoke up, "I want to do this....for you. For us." His fingers tracing down to your jaw, your lips and he was staring at them. You licked your lips, thinking about the possibility but his words bloomed lightly again. "there's something I want to compensate for."

"what?" you asked quickly. You didn't want to cut the flow. You want to hear from him. you want every detail of your past from him. even if you remember some things --- to say a lot. Then why can't you still remember certain parts?

He sighed, the way he was staring at you as if it's sensitive for him. He looked away and then back to you, " y/n, please don't push me away...please."

"I can't, Yunho." You gave him a little smile. "But you have to tell me everything, okay?"

He nodded, "I will. I will someday but you have to listen to me till the end." He leaned closer to you, his breath fanning over your face when he placed a kiss on your temple, his lips mumbled, "I know you won't forgive me."

You cupped his cheek when he pulled apart a bit to look at you. His face was near to you, so near that he could remember those days spent with you, those nights with you when you were innocent yet promising the love forever and the next moment the anger and fear visible on your innocent face.

He did wrong...a lot.

"Let's rewind the time."

He shook his head, "no. Let's start again."

With that he kissed your lips, hovering on top of you, caging you in his arms and pressing himself on you. Lips moving smoothly with yours and his hands roaming along your body. His every tingling touch and the swift movements of the lips were like a need at the moment. Both of your minds could imagine the past moments between you two but he could see the extension to those but your imagines ended with a void. Something must have happened after that.

His face fell into your crook of the neck and nuzzled his face, leaving kisses all the way, repeating the same actions to the other side. Your breath hitched when he bit your sensitive skin. grabbing his hair tight in your fist, you whimpered, "Yunho...please."

He pulled apart, placing a soft kiss on your lips, "go to sleep, y/n. not now."

"but I still have a lot on my mind."

He nodded, "I know." He laid down beside you, flicking the switch by his side. The curtains moving aside the wide glass window, slowly revealing the night view up from the 16th floor. It was as if everything was shining under the dark blanket of night. It was still in chaos when you were at peace inside the room.

It was beautiful just like your life --- chaotic yet peaceful.

His sudden pull to your hand made you fall on his chest. He chuckled at your shocked expression, guiding you slowly and softly to lay on his chest. His white t-shirt was comfortable to snuggle into, you rested your head to his chest and stared at the city view with him.

You were captivated by the view and he was captivated by you. His hands softly rubbing your back and patting slowly, lulling you to sleep. You smiled and hugged his body.

"y/n.."

You hummed in response while closing your eyes.

"y/n, promise me...if you feel scared or want to run away. Then you will come to me."

You nodded, "I will. I promise you."

"you are not going to leave me again..."

"I won't."

"sleep well."

You were quiet, your even breaths and soft sound leaving your mouth was enough for him to know.

You were asleep.

Just like that day, when you first slept in his embrace after crying for hours...because of them...because of him. He kept stroking your hairs before falling asleep with you in his arms.

"I'm sorry, y/n."

The time with him felt like a sudden pause from the chaos inside your mind. As if you could feel a different world with him. how does he wish it to be real? To be with you somewhere else where the past can't haunt you again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"please...don't do this. What have I done to you?"

You sobbed uncontrollably. There was no emotion visible in the front boy. His eyes were cold and actions were harsh. He pushed you inside the room, locking the door behind him. you caressed your wrists, the ropes tied tight earlier made your skin irritated and there was no one to comfort you.

"please..."

"Shut up!"

You flinched at his voice. It was heavy. You have heard this voice several times. You know him. you have talked with him, laughed with him and cried to him, begged him to stop what he was doing. The same situation like the past days is repeating again.

"Please let me go. I want to go home."

The boy chuckled and crouched down in front of you, his face hidden in the darkness of the room. You scooted back, afraid to get a touch from him. His touches are not comforting, they are torturing. He didn't like your actions and harshly pulled you by your ankles, earning a loud cry from you. He took out a knife from his pocket and held it in front of your eyes.

"please...No...it hurts."

He smiled, "it would have not if you have listened to us." Tracing your knees and sliding down the tip of the object and stopping at your tied ankle. You let out a shaky breath, "please stop." The tip was dangerously sharp and could cut your skin in a single move but it didn't. it was at a halt.

"You should not have tried to run away."

You shook your head, tears staining your face, "I don't want to stay here."

"Where do you want to go? Your home? But there's no one. Where is your home? Orphanage or that place from where you are sold to us? Tell me." you stayed quiet and he chuckled. "you can't because neither of those is your home. This place is your home and we are here to keep you safe."

"I am not safe here." He raised a brow at your bold reply.

Titling his head to the side, he looked at you directly, "and why? We are not going to kill you."

"it's better to be dead than staying with you."

He grabbed your jaw harshly and pushed you back against the wall, you winced at the sudden effect, "what have I said before? don't talk back unless you really want to die. I am just keeping you alive because of him." he chuckled, shaking his head, "oh wait...my pretty one has more than him. for them, I am keeping you alive for them or I would have killed you long back."

"Then kill me...please."

"they won't like this and......me too." His gaze flickered to your quivering lips and then back to your eyes. "don't make it hard for me."

In a swift move, he cut the ropes of your ankle and left you alone in the corner. Your scared eyes followed him till his steps stopped at the doorstep, his voice echoed and his back was facing you, "go freshen up. I will tell them to send you food."

"I don't need it." You whispered.

He craned his neck slowly, staring at your scared form in the end of the room, "y/n...get up."

San...

Was it him?

-------------------------------------------------------------

"wake up." A raspy voice called, causing you to slowly flutter your eyes open. The man in front of you made your eyes go wide. Why is he here? What was that dream? That nightmare? Is it real? His eyes were dark and his voice was stern. Same like that boy in the dream. "you are sleeping for so long. It's already afternoon."

You were about to answer when he suddenly turned around and went towards the table to flick the switch to remove the curtains, the lights slipping inside your room slowly. A warmth of afternoon light surrounded you. A hand extended in front of you. You closed your eyes and gulped.

What was he trying to do in the dream?

Is it just a nightmare?

"why are you closing your eyes?" your eyes opened slowly, getting up quietly and leaning back against the headboard and bringing the comforter close to your body. He again extended his hand and now you noticed a tiny box. "You are having a fever. Take this and then come to the eighth floor."

You said nothing, taking the box from him and nodding slowly.

He walked towards the door and before exiting he spoke up, "and make it quick."

Can he please get out?

The door shut and you sighed in relief. This is not good. The voice, the eyes and his smile. All are exactly the same. It can't be possible. This is your first time getting a nightmare and seeing someone so clearly --- not enough but at least you could distinguish the voice and the physique.

Are you not safe with your friends?

After taking a bath, you got changed into formal attire for the office. You smiled at the mirror and fixed yourself in the mirror. You are provided with everything then why are you feeling as if there should be something wrong.

You stepped out of the room only to be greeted by Yeosang standing there and rubbing his eyes. He caught your lingering gaze on him and quickly smiled, stepping towards you and holding your hand.

"You were waiting for me?"

He nodded, guiding you to the elevator, "I was free so when I found that you were awake I thought to escort you to our cabin."

"Oh I slept too long. I'm sorry."

He shook his head before pressing the button, "it's okay. Seonghwa went to your room last night because you forgot your phone at his cabin after the late-night paperwork and then he found out that you were talking and crying in your sleep. He waited until you fell back to sleep."

"oh...okay."

He was in your room last night then he must have heard you crying because of your nightmares.

Getting inside the elevator, he patted your head, "have you taken the medicine San brought to you?"

You nodded.

You could feel his stares on you, you turned your head to his side, "do you want to say something?"

"Did you have nightmares yesterday?"

You remained quiet.

"Seonghwa said when he checked your fever, you were scared in your sleep. Do you have those nightmares often? What do you see?" His voice was soft but curious.

You turned your head and looked straight towards the door. He shouldn't know about anything. Nobody should know about the nightmares. It's only for you to remember the past. You whispered audible to him, "it's nothing."

He spoke nothing more than that. He didn't know what to ask you more.

The more he would say, the more complicated the situation was going to be.

.

.

.

"you better be serious right now, Joong. She is remembering the past. More specifically she is remembering us. The old us. And you are okay with everything?"

Hongjoong abruptly stood from his chair and glared at the man across from the table, "I know what I'm doing, Hwa. Everything is fine. You are worrying for no reason."

The said man scoffed, brushing back his hair in disbelief, "fine? Nothing is fine. Why are we letting her remember all those? And now you are allowing her to go on a trip alone with Star? What if something goes wrong?"

Hongjoong hissed in annoyance and glared back, "please shut up. I have plans for everything. Nothing is going to be wrong. She will be with us till the end. I can't let anyone destroy anything which I have worked for years."

Seonghwa stared at him and licked his lips, "what plans are you talking about?"

"Have you seen her bonding with Jongho and Mingi? Wooyoung?" Hongjoong chuckled, remembering the past incidents and continued, "Yunho?...the things are repeating again like Deja-vu. We can't stop things from happening. Even if we want to change it, it's gonna happen how it should be."

"What do you mean?"

Hongjoong leaned against the desk, "we are going on this trip with her but without letting her know about it. We are going to follow her."

"I don't think it's good. It's better not to allow her."

"Hwa, even if we claim ourselves that we are good and we have changed. Remember we haven't and we can't. the past is repeating again and we should do something real soon."

San stepped towards them, a box in his hand, "who is going to give her this?"

"Of course, you. Yeosang is going to talk with Mr. Kim down the hall so after that it's only possible and she needs to wake up by now. It's already late enough."

San scoffed at Hongjoong, "you think it's good? She will freak out seeing me the first person after she wakes up."

"Then do it nicely."

.

.

.

The elevator stopped at 10th floor, when Wooyoung got inside, he greeted you with a warm hug, "sleepyhead is awake." He noticed your silence, "are you okay?"

You nodded and smiled, "it's just I had some weird dreams and fever so I am still recovering. Don't worry."

He hugged you, exchanging a quick look with Yeosang on your other side. Relaxing in his arms, you broke the silence between you three, "are you all free right now?"

"why? Do you want to do anything or go somewhere?"

You shrugged and quickly remembered something.

"What about we go on a trip someday? We can relive our childhood once again. Going back to the old school and roaming the neighborhood. How cool it will be!"

Wooyoung's grip around you tightened and a hesitant smile appeared on his face. Yeosang coughed and excused himself when you looked between them expectantly.

The younger one combed your hairs with his fingers before smiling, "we need to talk about it with Hongjoong and Seonghwa."

"Why them?" a frown appeared on your face, "if they don't want to go. We can leave them and we six can go all together."

Yeosang's curiosity piqued, "six? Who are they?"

"three of us, and then Yunho, Jongho and Mingi."

Yeosang glanced at Wooyoung and back to you, "and rest?"

The desired floor arrived. Three of you exit the elevator, with Wooyoung leading the way and Yeosang continuing the conversation from earlier.

"I don't know about them. They don't like me."

He shook his head, "No. y/n, it's not like that. They have responsibilities for everything happening around them so they just behave a bit off key sometimes otherwise it's okay." pulling your hand before entering the cabin where others were waiting for them.

"I don't know."

You don't know a lot of things and you need to know more about them.

Are they really hiding something"

But, what? And, moreover, why?

NEXT

Taglist :

@mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @anyamaris @yeoobin @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @brrrkdslek-personal @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @luhwaine @ilove-taeyong @dinonuguaegi @endeav0rsb1tch @loveforred @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @sousydive @aliona124754 @tunaasan @iykyunho

(open! dm me/ send ask/reply here)

[antigonick]

Hello! I've lost my love for writing. Everytime I write, even if what I'm writing is, in my head, something that I would love and have fun writing about, I feel utterly bored and would rather do anything else than write.

I've tried to distance myself from it, finding other hobbies and spending time reading or watching or just consuming media I enjoy, find inspiration and so-and-so, but I always find myself itching to write, yet when I do, I'm bored again and the cycle repeats.

Is there any advice you could give?

Hmm... I'm not sure. I've been through the push and pull of wanting-to-write but losing-any-interest-in-writing once I sit down, and the daunting feeling that comes with it (did I just lose it?). Thing is, since my work life makes academic writing and translation compulsory, creative writing has re-become a pleasure and an escape because, in part I think, of its contrast with work-writing—its freedom and its specificity, its lack of responsibility. Academic writing is hard and challenging but peaceful because it is disciplined and I have to tackle it, whether I like it or not; creative writing is MINE, with all the anguish and the joy that comes with it. It's the same with reading—I'm often burnt out, but the possibility of free reading when I so often have work-reading makes it desirable all the same. So, two things:

If you have story or character ideas, but no writing fuel, don't lose the pleasure of story-telling just because you won't make it into a coherent, finished text: share it with a group of friends and/or writers, write about it if you can't write it, give very short-length prompts a shot, etc. Creation doesn't have to end up in production to give you pleasure and keep the creation gears oiled up.

Give yourself a writing chore, something that is more about crafting than free-creation. Translate something linguistically difficult. Write a review, a summary of an essay you like, whatever. Or, if you prefer to write fiction only, do with a daily compulsory word-count (a small one): see if discipline breaks a dam and makes the possibility of fun writing without obligations shine brighter by contrast.

That being said, sometimes a break is nice. I stopped writing for a long time at one point, and it's encountering a work that pulled me out of complacency and made me want to reply to it, to jump from and beyond it, that brought me back around. Not doing and leaving things to simmer a little at the back of your brain for a while isn't always bad. A reset can be healing too.

I'll leave this here if others want to add ideas in the notes!

[inourselveswetrust]

These anons live for the angst but I’m desperate for more fluff! How would your lovely ROs react if, while in a relationship, MC said their first “I love you” by accident? (For example, an “I love you!” cried out during sex, or a sleepy, soft “I love you, darling” before drifting into slumber or even a quick “Thank you for the coffee, babe, I love you!” before rushing out the door.). <3

I'm terrible at writing fluff but here's my attempt! I hope it's not terrible 💀

Exhaustion grips your mind, fraying at your little remaining awareness and consciousness. Your cellphone sits mere inches from your face, and you can hear occasional sounds from the other end. The sound of August shuffling restlessly, an infrequent sniffle and periodic yawn.

“I’m falling asleep,” you say sleepily, your voice undoubtedly tinged with tiredness. 

“Goodnight, sleep well,” August replies, their own voice thick with fatigue.

 “Goodnight,” you repeat. “I love you.”

The confession slips past your weary walls, you don’t even realize what you’d said until August’s stuttered intake of breath pulls you from sleep’s warm embrace. 

“Can I come over?” August asks, a desperate tinge in their voice. “I need to see you.” 

You hesitate for a moment, and you’re far too tired to ponder why. Perhaps it’s because you have no energy, maybe it’s because you still struggle to be vulnerable with August after their betrayal, or it’s possible you’re avoiding deconstructing your own muddled feelings. 

“Okay,” you reply, and August releases a deep sigh. The muffled noises of August getting out of bed, dressing, and navigating to your home lull you, a welcomed peace consuming you.

You’re not sure whether two minutes or two hours pass, but the sound of footsteps in your home disturbs you. Footsteps you recognize, footsteps that make you feel safe rather than fearful of an intruder. The blanket pulls from you, and arms encircle you as legs tangle with yours. 

“It’s always been you,” August murmurs into your ear, their lips brushing your skin. “I’ve always loved you, even when my heart didn’t deserve you.”

___

“Thanks for bringing me some more cold cases,” you say as Blair begins putting on their coat. “And thank you for visiting me.”

“Of course, there’s no need to thank me,” Blair replies, their dismissal not unexpected. You’ve learned Blair’s never one to accept thanks, their job is, quite literally, thankless. “Rather, I should be thanking you for agreeing to review them. All those cases deserve to be reviewed, and I trust you’ll find something other officers have missed.”

Blair’s praise is not foreign, it’s common and reoccurring, yet it always leaves you feeling breathless. They have never failed to make you feel appreciated and, most of all, seen. They recognize you; they honour you. 

When your best friend betrayed you and your colleagues ousted you, one person remained. One person respected you, they trusted you – Blair believed you more than anyone or anything. Despite the risk to their career, they maintained contact with you, albeit discreetly. 

“I love you,” you respond, the confession is murmured like a curse. The air in the room dissipates and you struggle to breathe as you await their reaction – dread and hope mingle deep within you, neither surpassing the other. 

With keen eyes, you observe Blair tense, and you wait with bated breath. “Are you certain?” Blair asks doubtfully, their gaze fixated on you with a serious, unreadable expression.

Words escape you, your mind thinking too quickly yet too slowly to respond, so you merely nod repeatedly, frantic to admit the truth. You anxiously await a reaction, silently hoping for a whispered reciprocation. 

“Can I stay a bit longer?” They ask tentatively, their hands reaching for you but halting before contact, hesitant but desperate. You nod again.

Effortless, idle chat, yearning glances and ghost-like touches occupy the evening, saying more than words ever could. Blair may not yet admit their affection, but their ease around you tells you enough for now.

___

“I should get going,” you sigh, disappointment brewing inside you. While you’d like to stay with Wren, you know spending too much time together may begin drawing unwanted attention. Specifically, the attention of your former employer and colleagues.

“Do you have to?” Wren whines, pouting exaggeratedly. Their hands roam your skin, urging and tempting you to stay. Begging you not to leave.

“Yes,” you reply, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to their lips. You feel a smile overtake their pout, though it promptly returns as you pull away. Wren stares at you with wide, pleading eyes – puppy dog eyes they had no right mastering – and your resolve briefly wavers. “I’ll see you tonight, I love you.”

The declaration escapes you like a whispering wind, the words feel as seamless as water flowing downstream and as familiar as the season’s changing. It’s so natural you fail to hear the admission break free from its cage.

Hands reach out and grasp yours - clutching you like a lifeline in a storm – and halt your departure. Confused, you turn to Wren expectantly, only to find them staring at you with glossy, watery eyes. With a hoarse voice, they say “Call in sick, please.” 

They can’t let you leave after such a declaration; they refuse to allow this moment to be interrupted. They need you near, holding them and allowing them to return your confession with one of their own. 

___

Papers are scattered across your table, a headache pulses against your skull and your eyes burn with fatigue. The sun has long set, and unknown to you, it’s beginning to rise. 

“I believe we should take a break,” Neve says suddenly, shattering the silence that had settled between you. “We have been researching for hours, I worry we will begin missing critical information soon.”

“Just a few more pages,” you protest, though your efforts are only half-hearted. “We need to find out more, I know what we’re looking for is in here.”

“Very well,” Neve responds, nodding once. “May I make some coffee while you finish your reading?” they ask.

“Yeah, the coffee is in the pantry to the left,” you answer, not tearing your eyes from the increasingly blurry words. Your focus wavers, and you find yourself rereading the same sentences multiple times yet not retaining anything. 

Neve sits on your sofa, placing two steaming mugs of coffee on your end table. With a sigh, you pull yourself from your reading and stand from the dining table, moving to sit on the sofa a few feet from Neve.

You lose track of what happens next, but soon you’re sprawled across the cushions and nearly asleep, your coffee untouched. Your consciousness drifts, straying further with every passing minute. Just before you fall into the abyss calling your name, a blanket is splayed across you. Blearily, you squint up at Neve who absentmindedly tucks you in, ensuring you’re comfortable.

“I love you,” you mumble tiredly, then promptly fall asleep. 

“Sleep well,” Neve whispers, even though they know you can’t hear them. Had you remained awake after your confession, you would’ve seen the vibrant blush on Neve’s cheeks.