#reverse dad is the exact definition of that.

[butchlesbiancosmo]

hot take but I think it’s kind of unfair that we saw cosmo and wanda’s marriage get butchered in later seasons of the og show and went “the writers messed up, that’s not what they’re really like” (which is true!!!), but then we saw the exact same thing happen to timmy’s parents and their affection for their son and instead went “oh fuck those guys, they were always like that” which is. not true?????

don’t get me wrong, those two are NOT winning any parents of the year awards, but they love timmy!!! they still did things with him for fun, like watching movies or going to amusement parks together!!! timmy made them an anniversary dinner in Apartnership!!! they beat the shit out of crocker for threatening him in Abracatastrophe! And speaking of which, the whole point of that movie was that timmy got fairy godparents in the first place because vicky LIED to them, convincing that timmy was happy and safe with her and that she would definitely record all the most precious moments of his life in their stead after they already spent the first 8 years doing only that!!! And the main conflict begins because timmy’s parents tell timmy white lies (which is bad) but they do it because they don’t want to hurt his feelings (which is good!)

there is LITERALLY a whole episode (the carnie one) where timmy runs away bc he thinks his parents don’t want him anymore, but the joke is that he misses the rest of the context where his parents feel the exact opposite!!! and they’re miserable the whole time he’s gone!! And then another where he wishes his parents cared less so he could do whatever he wanted and it NEARLY got him killed, which in turn is what reversed the wish because their love for him trumped the magic!!! Or the first Mighty Mom and Dynamo Dad episode where they gave up their powers bc they thought it would save Timmy’s life!!!!

And back to Vicky: in Channel Chasers, when they find out Vicky had lied to them all those years? That she was hurting timmy when they hired specifically to watch over him??? THEY KICK HER ASS TO THE CURB (and the only reason they don’t succeed is because timmy needs vicky around to keep his fairies)

They’re not perfect, (god, they are NOT perfect) but they love him!!! So much!!!! And this whole narrative that came later about thinking of timmy as a burden and ohhh why couldn’t he be a girl is just as bullshit as cosmo and wanda being a ball-and-chain marriage because that’s not how they’re really like!! And it’s made even WORSE by fanart/fanfiction where they start being verbally or even PHYSICALLY abusive to timmy because yeah they’re stupid but They Would Not Fucking Do That

[venuslovesmascs]

Hi!! I don’t really have a certain style or outline for readings so every one will be a little different im sure, I don’t like to limit myself and let the spirits and universe tell me what’s needed.

if it resonates pls leave a tag or comment 

I’m begging, talking to tarot and spirits

alone can make a girlie think they need psychiatric help

first guy - happy shark ? he looks happy

- queen of cups up, queen of wands reversed were the first two cards to come out - which I thought was really interesting. they want emotional maturity first , before intimacy or passion if it’s that type of connection. they don’t seem to be a sensual person, they like to emotionally get to know others however. they don’t accept “childlike” energy or people who can not commit. they have virgo energy. also cancer. always reminds me of queen of cups. they like security and balance.

honestly to me this doesn’t seem like someone you are seeing, either a crush you are scared to come forward to, or just a friend in general. it it’s a friend, they want to know you more intimately , to be able to care for you more. to emotionally support you more. if you reach out a hand, they will always want to grab it to help you.

they like to stay home. don’t like to go out and party. do not invite them out, especially with a large group. maybe a study sesh, baking, movie. honestly im not getting too much to pick up on here, they seem like a pretty chill person who likes to be in their own world. like I feel bad for interrupting their energy or peace lmao. if you want something, you have to make it known. they will NOT make the first move. but this person has good communication skills, and emotional maturity. definitely worth talking to. i think you will both learn more about each other if you have an honest conversation about how you are feeling. this person appreciates honesty, straightforwardness, and vulnerability. i honestly really get the vibe it’s a friend u want to communicate feelings for. don’t come on too strong or passionate, take things slow, they don’t like to rush. you’ll scare them lol. they are sensitive. don’t like change. u got this. let things flow. i know it’s hard, I suck at it that part.

- it only takes a taste, waitress the musical - came to my mind

- they have mom friend energy , maybe u have dad friend energy, “accidently parents to found family trope”

pile 2 - curved sharkey

this person may tend to take more than they give. we got the devil card. which isn’t always bad, but can involve lust or deep fantasy, living too much in a dream world, not being practical enough. they don’t desire commitment or balance right now. or communication. if they want to….,18+….. they like things firey and passionate. quick. they are the type to “get what I want”. no thinking. they want you to maybe relax a little more about communication. to live more in the moment. everyone wants different things from connections and that’s okay, you don’t always have to be on the same exact page, but you need to find a common ground. make sure you aren’t always walking the extra mile for them.

this person is fast. moves on quickly. like they don’t want me in their energy. they are like… sorry got to go. I’m bored.

you may be blinded to some red flags. they seem really sweet!! just not looking for anything serious, do not have time for commitment. but also have not communicated that, yikes :/ they like to indulge. I’d be careful with their energy honestly. you do not owe them anything. i wish I had more to say but there’s not much left lmao. they do not like the mushy feelings, or letting people in. you won’t be able to change that any time soon. feel free to engage if you don’t mind, just remember to stay true to yourself as well. do not hide your wants and needs. be honest that you are meeting them where they are for now. don’t build any resentment before something even begins.

pile three - cartoon shark

seems like a connection that has had separation, big changes in the past. a lot of hurt for both ends. one being more silent about their pain than the other.

this person wants a change for sure. numbers 3 or 12 could be important. they want to be more integrative . they seemed stuck in the past before, and feel guilty for so. they may have left you in the cold, “dropped your hand while dancing” / champagne problems. they want to bring you peace, if not come together, at least give closure. i think they had a lot going on, and want to explain. if you want to talk or not, that is your choice. just make sure you aren’t letting your “ego” decide - the part of you that holds resentments , pettiness, the part of your animalistic desires or patterns - dont make this a quick decision, take some time to think about it, not what would bring you short term fulfillment, but long term fulfillment.

they will understand if you do not want to integrate again, but either way want to help in whatever way possible.

this person cared about others opinions in the past, let status/family/friends/affairs get in between the connection. they care about their reputation. maybe they have already done some things in the past they are ashamed of, and are still afraid it can come into light. they felt like they were holding on my a thread. i still think their fear of reputation hasn’t changed if I’m being honest, im not sure they are still willing to put in any fight against others, but maybe for your connection. but don’t expect this person to change over night. they care, but still have issues being publicly outgoing or seen. they don’t like conflict. which is probably why they ran from you too lol. definitely avoidant. but if they come forward, it shows they are making change - remember that.

they didn’t fight for something like you wanted them to. they have never been good at communicating. they have worked on that for months, for themselves, not just you.

you are good at strategy. planning things out. they admire you for this. they are not. they are not good at looking into the future. they live in the moment. but are learning either way they fear what is to come. and they wish they had you to rely on , to be in the future , if nothing else. they don’t want to put the burden on you however , this scares them, maybe you are more financially/ emotionally put together, they may not feel good enough for you.

okay there’s a lot going on here but I think I’m going to end it here, feel free to message me for any clarification but, I think this is something that can only be worked out between you two in divine time.

PILE FOUR - SHOWER SHARK

this is definitely an ex or a past lover or current situation that’s getting less intimate . something has recently gone wrong. some kind of trust has been broken.

i think you are waiting for this person to change. but you two can not change together. they do not want the same things, you are both lacking fulfillment.

if I’m being honest, I don’t even think this person wants closure or to talk. they want a clean break, a fresh start. im sorry if you feel left out in the cold. there’s some new journey here that you have to take on your own. and I don’t think you are used to being alone. i know it’s scary, but I think the universe is high lighting some lesson or journey here. maybe this is long distance. starting college, or studying abroad, a new job, that kind of energy . i think you have a lot to look forward to. all these new changes coming are a blessing in the future. take time to mourn and heal, but know that when you are ready, you have a lot of fulfilling things ready for you. new friends, passions, hobbies

i think you felt really bogged down by this persons energy. that you were too similar. “twin flames” energy , not the western Instagram post “twin flames” but the idea that you meet someone who mirrors all the parts of you that you have ignored for years. that feels like your soulmate - how quickly and intimate you knew them. but it’s just the catalyst for your change and self growth. you will heal and grow into a person that people will love and understand, a person that this past energy won’t even recognize. i think you will always have love for them, it dosent feel too toxic in a sense, more just confusing, and hard, too hard. love dosent need to be hard.

focus on taking a break. mourning. going no contact seems like the best route here. we all have free will, im not telling you what to do. however , I think your energy would be best preserved if you had a clean break. no meeting up again. no drunk texts. no giving back some old tee shirt from the back of your closet that they don’t even want. bring it to goodwill. you will feel better in the long run if you focus on feeling empowered by yourself and not others. it’s okay go want community, and human connection is natural, but we still need self reliance and independence to be able to help others too. okay that’s a lot hope ur ok , much love. bye.

pile five - teeth sharkey

I’m getting this person wants to call you lol. they want to come back around, maybe from the past but not too far back.

they want to cleanse whatever has happened , maybe a fresh start. you may have noticed they have changed a little , dress differently, talk differently, new confidence?? new haircut ?? new phone?

they are a “shape-shifter” , they want to be a person that can change and provide for you. i don’t know how long term these changes are, they seem to change a lot - that is for your judgement and not mine. they seem smooth , I can like feel myself blushing??

welp - there’s definitely some big change spiritually within them with the death card I just pulled. they want change in your situation. maybe they link k***nk …. u know. they want to know the dark parts of you. show you the dark parts of them. “For better or for worse” energy. idk if they want long term commitment so to say? but they definitely want a more stable emotional connection. i may not be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner but I’ll treat u and know u better than any of them energy.

there’s some secret they are hiding . i still don’t think they want to tell you everything, im not sure they want me to even be clear of what they want, maybe they do not know. they for sure want u tho. especially physically. wow they are attracted to u. possessive energy. maybe u like that, maybe u don’t. that’s urs to say. they want more eye contact, they think you have pretty eyes. they may like the occult / spiritual. OOO u know what, maybe they know you like it , they either researched it to impress you or actually had an awakening and want to share with you. they love your energy. they like being with you at night lol. maybe for some non-pg 13 stuff, but also I think they just want to be “spooky” in general with you and look at the moon and wander at night , do spells, that stuff. you seem to have changed them if I’m being honest. maybe opened up their heart. maybe you are their death moment.

if I’m being honest, idk if this is a person you see as “the one”. more like, a fling or fwb. but they were brought into your life for a reason. don’t let fears of the unknown / future hold you back from connecting with them. they have a lot to teach you.

[cryptidsurveys]

Sunday, October 6th, 2024.

When did you last drink coffee? I'm drinking coffee right now - with almond milk and pumpkin spice creamer.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. I was about to say that I couldn't recall the last time I full-on cried (I didn't cry over the recent family drama even though it would have been perfectly understandable; I don't think I truly cried over the Alex situation, although there may have been some tears in my eyes…), but then it hit me - Wild Robot had my emotions spilling all over the place. My mom said, "That movie definitely had me choking up," and I was like, "Yeah, I cried like four times!!!" :')

What was the last beach you visited and when? I visited Ocean City while staying with friends of the family in NJ. I think I was around 16 years old. Possibly 17. The other day, my dad and I were trying to figure out when my sibling moved in with my mom, and we ended up going over my whole teenage timeline, trying to figure out when this or that happened, and it made me realize that stage of my life has become a jumbled blur. There are certain events I can pinpoint down to the exact date, but when it comes to other things, I can't even remember the year in which they occurred.

What book do you plan to read next? I would like to read Ecology Of Souls by Joshua Cutchin. I've read all of his other books and that was his latest release. However, I know from experience that they tend to fry my brain (not because they're especially dense or difficult, but because his passion is fizzy and contagious), so I'm just…trying to prepare myself, lmao. At the moment, I'm reading a story by my best friend called M.A.Z.E.

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? There are plenty of characters I can relate to in one way or another, but none of them really remind me of myself.

What's in your fridge right now? List as many things as you can think of. Mustard, ranch dressing, sriracha sauce, brown sugar & cinnamon cream cheese, Greek yogurt, eggs, chocolate syrup, almond milk, salad greens, cheese, a pistachio & walnut muffin, some cookies, coffee creamers, grapes, some baked goods and bread my dad brought home yesterday afternoon, Gatorade, leftover beans and rice, hamburger and hotdog buns, and a lunch I packed this morning for a trip to the Mountain Park (we ended up not going due to car trouble, boo).

If you could have any artist, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be? I'm not sure.

Do you smell anything in particular right now? No.

Do you make enough money to live comfortably? [can be in combination with a spouse] I live with my dad and we share our incomes, and yes, we do have enough to live comfortably.

What is one thing you like about your appearance? Don’t say nothing! I like that working at the animal shelter has made me more toned. It's made the necessary weight gain more tolerable. My skin is looking better, too. I bought a new lotion the last time we went grocery shopping, and it's made a rapid difference. It's Jergens oil infused nourishing honey, and it's just like…where has this been all my life?! I've tried a number of different lotions over the past year or so, but I think this is finally it. The One.

What would you like to tell your father? I already feel like I can tell him anything.

What would you like to tell your mother? I wish I could tell her this on a soul level rather than directly because I don't know how she would react or if she would understand. But basically, I'm sorry if it begins to seem like I'm avoiding you or closing myself off again. I just feel like I'm caught in the middle of an impossible situation, and I don't know how to handle it without feeling like I'm betraying myself or my dad. I never wanted to walk this tight rope, but it is what it is, and I'm doing the best I can to stay true to myself and my own very complicated emotions. I know you're stuck in the middle as well, a sort of mirror or reverse image of my own circumstances, but my loyalties lie where they do and all of us are going to have to forge our own path through this, I guess.

Whose was the last wedding you went to? Steph and Shelly's back in 2014.

What is your greatest fear? Losing my dad.

What is a chronic health issue you deal with, even if it’s minor? Migraines. Also, a level of fatigue that feels abnormal. Maybe I've done more damage to my body than I realized and it's finally taking its toll. Maybe I'm not doing as well or eating as much as I think I am. Or maybe everyone is this exhausted and they're just better at hiding it, but somehow, I doubt that. Physically, I'm capable of more than I thought I was, but I'm still so damn tired.

What was your college major? If applicable. My first failed attempt at community college was with an English major. My second (also failed) attempt was Visual Communications.

What new place have you been to recently? I haven't been anywhere new recently.

What are you a geek about? Paranormal phenomena, the lore behind conspiracies and cryptids, outer space, ancient history/megalithic structures.

What is something you have no patience for? When certain people at the animal shelter get uptight about blanket colors. Like, "Omg, Benjamin is a BOY. Why does he have a PINK blanket?!" Ma'am, Benjamin is a KITTEN. All he cares about is being cozy, safe, and fed. He doesn't care about your weird human gender hangups.

What celebrity would you want to go out for a meal/drinks with? I don't really care about celebrities, but I would love to meet the creators behind some of my favorite podcasts (Belief Hole, Brothers Of The Serpent, Where Did The Road Go? Radio, etc)

Are you happy with your weight? I'm not happy with it, but I can accept it for what it is. I can either weigh less and lose the animal shelter, or weigh what I do and do what I love.

When did you last hold a baby, if ever? Whose? I have no idea.

How many cats do you have? We have three kitties - Esther, Karenna, and Lacy.

How many dogs do you have? Zero.

How many other pets do you have? I don't have any other pets, but we've had a number of cats over the course of my life, as well as fish when I was younger.

How old were you when you got your driver’s license? 20.

What year did you graduate high school? I didn't graduate, but I got my GED in 2006.

What is the first number of your zip code? Eight.

How many of your grandparents are still alive? Zero.

What is your favorite number? I have a strange relationship with the number 19, but as for a favorite number, I don't really have one.

How many kids do you want? I don't want children.

How many apartments have you lived in? One.

What age do people say you look? I told Kristen my age when she first started working at the shelter and she was like, "No way, I thought you were like 25!" Flattering, but I don't think I look 10 years younger than I actually am. :')

Do you feel like your family accepts you for who you are? I feel completely accepted by my dad. My mom accepts the version I present to her, which isn't entirely dishonest, but it is only a small part of who I am. I don't have any contact with my sibling, so I don't really know which aspects they would accept and which ones they wouldn't.

Who is the best doctor you’ve ever had? I'm not sure, but my last doctor connected me with my current therapist (who is the best therapist I've ever had), so I'm eternally grateful for that.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? Not that I can recall.

Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? I don't use Facebook.

Do you consider yourself spiritual? Yeah. I guess so. Not so much in a woo-woo way (although there is an element of that), but more because my beliefs are a mishmash of multiple religions/practices and not one singular thing.

Do you consider yourself religious? I believe in God and do incorporate certain religious aspects into my life, but like I said above, I'm kind of a melting pot of beliefs.

Are you afraid of spiders? I have apparently become the resident spider rescuer at the animal shelter. Last Thursday was hilarious. Paris sent out a radio asking for anyone who wasn't afraid of spiders, and I was like, "That would be me!" So, I went and saved her from a wolf spider in ISO. A little later, she radioed again, asking for me specifically. Another (smaller) spider in ISO. That guy was fast, so it was a bit of a challenge, but I got it done. Then a third time - a teeny tiny spider on a pillow in the office. Quickly whisked outside. And a fourth time. A BIG'UN in Duke's kennel. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to go into the kennel with him even while he was leashed up and restrained, so Iris (manager) went in there and brutally smashed the shit out of it.

Are you afraid of snakes? I would be cautious if they were venomous, perhaps even afraid depending on the circumstances, but for the most part snakes don't bother me at all. I'm much more comfortable with them than I am with spiders, although my fear of spiders has greatly diminished. I've rescued so many from the shelter that it's just become like ho-hum.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? I'm not even sure how I would classify my sexual orientation. I go with "pansexual" because it's the simplest way to get my point across, but it's more complicated than that.

What is one thing you find offensive? I'm hard to offend when it comes to political and social views. I just don't care what some rando thinks about this or that. I'm more likely to be offended or hurt by something personal.

Do you often post about politics on social media? No. I almost never do anymore.

Would you ever want to go back to school? I would consider going back to school to become a vet tech, but it's not something I'm planning on doing any time soon.

What are three things you are naturally good at? I'm not sure.

What are three things you are NOT naturally good at? Making small talk, math, and makeup.

Is your dream to get married and have kids? I would like to get married one day, but I have no interest in having children.

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? On a hook on the wall.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? Idk.

Last person you hugged? Nancy. A volunteer at the shelter who does a shit ton of our dirty laundry.

How is the weather right now? 67*F, sunny, and calm.

Are you missing someone? Yeah.

What do you have handy at your bedside? Nothing really.

What is your dad's middle name? N/a.

What is your mom's middle name? N/a.

First thing you'll save in a fire? My kitties.

[genderqueeradrien]

ADRIEN AGRESTE BPD CODED? explain pls <- going O.O slash pos

ok so !!! this turned into an ESSAY i'm so sorry i've been thinking about this for ages and haven't put my thoughts on paper together yet so this is me doing that. also disclaimer irl at least in the us people usually cant get diagnosed with bpd until theyre atbut this is a french kid's show about magic superheroes so i'm ignoring a bit of real-world logistics for the sake of analysis. also, i'm starting with things that ARENT kuro neko specific but trust me we'll get to her.

warning: really long post. actual warning: there's mentions of self harm, talk of suicide and metaphorical suicide, and some discussion of canonical abuse + coping mechanisms. generally lots of mental illness stuff

(also in case the readmore breaks at some point im putting this here bc i want to have it saved Somewhere)

ALL THAT BEING SAID!

[blank paragraph in case the readmore eats the first paragraph. i love this website]

some bpd symptoms i see in adrien/chat noir:

identity disturbance, markedly/persistently unstable self-image/sense of self: there's been several times here adrien talks about wondering whether adrien or chat noir is his "true self," which is super interesting to me bc i (dissociative disorder haver) used to angst about that exact thing (though his situation is definitely different on account of being a superhero lol). there's also the fact that he doesn't have any idea who he is or what he wants to do with his future, and his mind goes blank whenever he thinks about it, which aligns with the difficulties in committing to goals/jobs often seen in bpd

potentially self-damaging impulsive behavior: he's always sacrificing himself for ladybug- here's 2 minutes straight of him doing it in timebreaker, dark cupid, zombizou, chameleon, gorilla, and gamer 2.0. he also does it in lies, reverser, and the shangai special, and probably several more. imo as well as showing an intense attachment to ladybug, it also shows a lack of regard for his own health and wellbeing :( not to mention all the times he runs to fight akumas with no plans or tries to fight them on a broken ankle or other general recklessness

suicidal or self harming behavior: i know this is a stretch but this is a kid's show so we're probably not going to like. see any of that onscreen in a literal sense. but i do feel like some of the times where he sacrifices himself over and over could count. because no matter how much he trusts ladybug there's no guarantee she'll be able to fix everything, and he's immediately willing to die/be teleported into a shadow realm/turned into a kissing zombie/despawn/etc despite that. also he tried to cataclysm himself during guiltrip, tho that was bc of an akuma (although akumas do generally amplify preexisting emotions)

inappropriate/intense/difficult to control anger: trying to cataclysm kim because he played a mean prank on marinette is the first thing i think of. i feel like he definitely tends to suppress anger until it bubbles up and explodes, like in representation when he's going off on his dad about his parenting being shitty, which, while justified, definitely put him in more danger of being hurt. also i know it was in an alternate timeline + he was akumatized but he DID kill everyone in the world that one time. i support him though. he's allowed to do that because i love him

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, splitting: prefacing this with i dont think ladybug + chat noir are in an unhealthy relationship, but i do think that sometimes the way he sees ladybug can be unhealthily idolizing, in a way that's very reminiscent of favourite persons in bpd. most of season 4 is him being in love with ladybug but feeling pushed aside, until he splits on her in kuro neko (which i'm getting to i promise. this post is way longer than i thought it'd be). there's also desperada where he spends months in a time loop trying to save her despite presumably knowing he's not the person who should be saving her right now.

stress-related paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms: tbh i dont know much abt paranoid ideation so i won't speak on that too much, but i do think his worst fear in sandboy being ladybug being upset with him despite having never acted that way before might fall into that category? as for dissociative symptoms, aside from the identity thing i mentioned earlier, i guess the scene in kuro neko where he's sitting on his couch doing nothing except running his video game character into a wall could be him dissociating? also apparently (i havent read/seen this myself but ive heard abt it) astruc said chat noir is resistant to akumas because he's so used to disappointment, which could suggest a level of emotional numbing

when i first was watching miraculous i was kinda thinking abt adrien having bpd but i didn't have anything super solid to explain it. but it's fun for me to analyze characters' mental states and nothing explicitly contradicts it so whatever. BUT THEN. KURO NEKO.

when ladybug snaps at him he immediately jumps to the conclusion that she hates him/is tired of him (splitting, paranoid thinking)

he decides to leave, which may seem contradictory to "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment," but pushing people away and essentially abandoning someone before they abandon you (whether or not that was actually going to happen) is a super common result of that symptom and it's what he's doing here. he thinks she doesn't need him, so before she can tell him this he leaves

he leaves his miraculous behind where someone couldve grabbed it because he felt rejected (impulsive behaviour)

then he goes home and tries to destroy all the traces of his love for ladybug, getting rid of his pictures of her on his phone and physical pictures as well (splitting, difficulty controlling anger)

when he wakes up he lies in bed, skips school, doesn't change out of his pajamas, and spends his time running his video game character into a wall. to me it looks like he's completely shut down (dissociation)/in a depressive episode

the show from the beginning sets up that being chat noir is an escape for adrien, and the beginning of season 4 really hammers that point home. we see adrien having an awful day and only finally perking up when he gets to see ladybug. so when adrien gives up his ring that's him giving up on not only himself but on a huge part of his life and one of the only parts that brings him happiness. the way he talks about giving up his ring ("i just can't do this anymore. i give up. on everything") sounds like something a suicidal person would say. this is also something he's expressed before, in syren, when he says "no one'll know if I quit. no one'll care!" (not for nothing, this also comes after him feeling rejected by ladybug). to me it feels like he's been balancing on this metaphorical-suicide metaphorical-ledge for a very long time and kuro neko is him giving up, and then realizing that giving up isn't the way to feel better. (suicidal ideation, fear of abandonment)

adrien doesn't hesitate at the idea of completely changing his personality to be who he thinks marinette wishes he was. the need to make himself into whoever he thinks will be wanted has been a running theme through his life (his childhood dream was to be whoever his parents wanted him to be), and it doesn't fully end with kuro neko- the same insecurities about not being good enough are still shown in the later half of season 5, with him telling marinette he's not worthy of her love and telling ladybug making jokes is all he was ever good for (both in revolution). (low self-esteem, fear of abandonment)

catwalker in general makes me go insane. i think a lot of catwalker comes from the persona he puts on when he's acting as adrien agreste, gabriel agreste's golden child. and i think the constant deference is also something he learned from the abuse from his father. he leans into the "fawn" coping mechanism (adapting to an abuser's wishes to appease them, denying your own needs for those of others) because it's what he's learned to do his whole life because of his father.

catwalker is like a personified fawn fear response. he's the personification of adrien's frantic attempts to avoid abandonment. he's loyal to a fault and would do whatever ladybug asked him to just to try and be good enough for her to stay. he doesn't realize that he's already good enough as adrien/chat noir, that ladybug needs him to be himself or her magic literally doesn't work. she can't do it on her own. she needs him but he's so scared she'll leave that he tries to leave first and then tries to mold himself into someone new who she could love. when he was already loved fully the whole time. aough.

some other smaller examples of his low self esteem & desperation to avoid abandonment:

trying to get good grades to impress his father and earn his love

staying friends with people and trusting them for far longer than is logical (chloé and lila)

feeling like he's not worthy of marinette's love or ladybug's partnership, feeling like he's not worthy to be a miraculous holder or that he's not helping the team, etc

the shocked relief in his eyes when ladybug says she won’t abandon him :(

when gabriel says to chat noir that his son is precious and chat/adrien looks at him Like That. yeah .

SO. YEAH. this post kinda got away from me a little bit as i defended my agresteology dissertation or whatever.

TLDR: he's impulsive and loyal to a fault, yet terrified of abandonment to the point where he tries to sabotage his relationships himself. he idolizes ladybug until he feels rejected by him, when he splits on her and becomes convinced she doesn't care about him. he has low self-worth and places a lot of his perceived worth on how (he believes) others think of him and is always striving towards that ideal even when that ideal is something he can't reach, or something that hurts him to try to reach. also i want to give him a hug and some milk and a blanket. he deserves it

[coraniaid]

Giles/Jenny for the ship ask game!

Yeah, I like this ship.  Not to the extent that I’m obsessed about it (or even think about it all that much), but it’s good.

1) What made you ship it?

Hmm.  Honestly I think it's partly just the fact that Jenny Calendar shows up in the second half of S1, exactly when the show starts to find its feet. So when I rewatch, I'm sort of primed to associate Jenny's arrival with good things.  (But it's not just that, of course, because you could say the very same thing about Principal Snyder.)

Giles and Jenny starting to date just feels like part of the show really starting to work, I think: like Spike and Drusilla arriving at around the same time (Spike and Dru being, as it happens, my other favorite ship from the first two seasons).

Also, while I'm not really sure it was ever consciously planned by the writers, I like the fandom reading that losing Jenny just has this quietly devastating impact on Giles that he doesn't ever really recover from.  I think it retroactively gives their relationship an importance and depth that I don't think it was always intended to have.  But it works, and it makes the fact nobody really takes about Jenny after S3 seem intentional and deliberate in a way that nobody talking about (say) Kendra really doesn’t.

2) What are your favorite things about this ship?

My favorite version of the ship is definitely the early S2 phase, before The Dark Age and before all the retcons about what Jenny's doing in Sunnydale.  Honestly I just think they're kind of cute together.

(I'm not really sure what would have happened to this ship in some alternate universe where Jenny didn't get killed off.  It's hard not to think that the writers were already struggling for ideas, because by the time of Passion we'd already been treated to two different iterations of "they've broken up because one of them turned out to be lying about their past and Bad Things happened -- will they get back together?" and I don't think that sort of dynamic is sustainable in the long run.

Maybe there's some other reality where they break up for good mid-season 3 (after Jenny finds out about Giles's role in the Cruciamentum, say), and it's Jenny, not Wesley, who ends up following Angel into his show in LA.  That’d be kind of fun.)

3) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

There's a pretty popular fandom take that basically casts Giles as the Dad and Jenny as the Mom, with Giles apparently seeing the Scoobies as adults and Jenny seeing them as children.  I really don't get this reading at all.

Not only do I not think there's much in canon to ground this on (beyond that one scene of Jenny saying "not in front of the kids"), I think it's pretty much the reverse of how they actually relate to the rest of the Scoobies.  After all, it's Jenny, not Giles, who blows off teaching her classes on the grounds that her friend Willow can cover for her, isn’t it? And it's Giles, not Jenny, who is explicitly cast as a parental figure to Buffy, who dismisses Xander's odd behavior in The Pack as him just being a teenage boy, and who as late as S3's The Prom is referring to Buffy and her classmates as "children" whose maturity surprises him. 

In short, it's Giles who treats the Scooby Gang as kids; Jenny (mostly) doesn't.  

And that makes sense, I think, because -- after all -- Jenny Calendar is much closer in age to the other Scoobies than Giles is!  (The show never establishes her exact age, but since Robia LaMorte is only seven years older than SMG I assume she's meant to be in her late twenties at most?)

[aseplant]

hmm quick recap of what we know from canon, since i was rereading hand jumper tonight:

ep4: there are 8 types of essence, each with their own properties; normal people's essence is colorless.

ep18: think this is the one you were referencing, where sayeon says that there's such a wide variety of gifts that it's uncommon to run into someone with your exact one. it doesn't seem to suggest gifts are totally random, though, and sayeon's sister definitely also has some kind of time-related gift (and taeho & his dad have matching gifts too), so gifts are probably at least partially hereditary.

ep26: samin refers to the godling as aberrants' common ancestor

ep32: we are told the colors are, in order: orange (intangible, affects objects), yellow (intangible, affects essence), blue (tangible, creates objects), green (tangible, augments body), red (intangible, enhances body), violet (intangible, affects perception), and teal (intangible). godlings have white essence. ((an aside, but this is such a random order??? iseul might have been listing them based on how common they are!))

ep42: colors are confirmed to be hereditary.

ep50: we learn that aberrants are humans with very diluted godling blood.

and then some thoughts on the gene aspect of it under the cut since this is getting long:

(do take this all with a grain of salt bc i have not had a bio class in years and i capped out at a high school level)

essence being affected by mental state - there's this thing called epigenetics, which is a change in the way that genes express themselves even though the underlying DNA hasn't changed at all. iirc the mechanism usually has to do with the way DNA is methylated after being transcribed (?), so it's easily reversed. (these changes are inheritable, btw, and I think can be seen in the way that people whose parents experienced famine are also primed to survive famine).

that said, essence seems to react to the user's emotional state in general, so it's most likely totally unrelated lol. i think most likely genetics controls what kind of gift/essence you get, and mental state would affect your ability to use or control that gift. it is possible this relates to how clans get so strong, though--the ways in which people use and grow their own gifts may, in small ways, get passed on to their kids.

color inheritance - i was wondering if cmyk/rgb color models might apply here, but given that (colorless aside) we're looking at what seems to be seven discrete colors + white (all colors combined), i think it's just meant to be some kind of rainbow-variant and not necessarily reflective of any kind of color mixing. i don't think we have enough information to really guess at anything here, but! a couple of theories:

if every color has its own respective allele, we'd be looking at a total of 8 alleles! dominance is used to describe the relationship between any two alleles, so mapping this out would require more information and also be super complicated, but if we use this model then i wouldn't be surprised if teal was dominant to everything else, even though it's rare. if something wiped out most people with a teal allele (disease, targeted efforts, etc.) it would be super rare now, because it'd be simply just. gone from the gene pool. (though it still could very well be recessive. if their mom is teal & their dad is heterozygous for yellow, they each have a 50% chance to inherit teal, so it's actually 1 in 4 that samin & sayeon would both come out teal. these aren't terrible odds. more so if color is in any way sex-linked, too.) i think this is probably the most likely answer.

more typical 7-color rainbow schematics use blue/indigo or cyan/blue, not teal/blue. also, if you squint the colors all kind of relate to their complements--red & green for affecting the user, blue & orange for objects, yellow & violet for other people. teal... does not match that. at all. red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet may be more "normal" essence colors that follow more normal methods of inheritance--maybe there are 3 alleles for red, yellow, blue? and it can combine to make the other colors in a form of incomplete dominance? (but this is unlikely since the gyeon family is all oranges, and if it's incomplete dominance they'd only have a 50% chance of having orange offspring, if even that, giving you a 12.5% chance of having all three kids come out orange). and teal and white would be... off doing their own thing, i guess. i forgot where i was going with this.

everyone's tripping and essence cannot be neatly sorted into categories at all. minguk gyeon's orange essence in ep46 is much redder than taeho's from ep32 & 62, which is redder than the orange essence black uses in ep26. (taeho's essence is noticably consistent in the eps he appears in, though!) given such a wide range of phenotypes, essence color would probably be determined by a lot of genes and be very complicated (something like hair color inheritance, as a real world comparison). a mutation in certain genes would lead to teal being a rare color (kind of like red being a rare hair color). but i don't see how everyone would be so confident that essences can be categorized neatly if they exist on such a spectrum. so. who knows?

aberrant genetics is such a fun thought experiment... i do hope it gets touched upon in canon at some point.

Genetics in the Hand Jumper Universe

my class is learning about genetics and how traits are passed and I couldn't help but wonder how abberancy is passed down. Seeing that Jaeil turned out to be an aberrant, and not his father nor mother, but great grandfather who turned out to be an aberrant, we can determine that aberrancy is recessive, meaning that his parents were heterozygous. I also wonder about how mutations of DNA/protein production affect aberrancy. There's a theory some abberants are vessels of godling essence. Is this considered a mutation? How do proteins and essence interact?

Ryujin talks of how Sayeon "leaks bad vibes"-- how it is portrayed as seemingly correlated to essence and mental state. If the mental state of an aberrant affects their essence, how do their genes effect their essence and gift? In the Gyeon family, they all seem to be characterized by orange essence, and marry other bloodlines and give birth to more powerful kids, leading to clans.

In terms of how essence is passed on, what essences do you think would be considered dominant over others? I would think that common ones are more dominant, as, well, they are more common. However, Sayeon and Samin have teal essence, even though their father had yellow essence. Teal essence is the rarest one, so do you guys just think that they happened to be lucky?

Somewhere in the comic, it explains that their genetics do not influence their gift, but people can run into others with the same gift. How do you think aberrancy and genetics interact?

[paybackraid]

Camera Worthy

Hey all~~ Just wanted to share a quick little snippet from maeshughesofficial’s Reverse Dad AU, because what else can you expect of me. And for once, it’s only mostly parental, I even threw in some Royai! 

Based loosely off of this piece of artwork that the entire world needs to see!

This whole thing gets a lot worse when you realize that for everything Riza feels, Roy only has a few months left to live :)

Words: 1368

Riza liked visiting her husband at work.

His staff was very friendly, and all acted as if she was part of the team. It helped that she was Black Hayate’s handler, and would join them very occasionally when Roy’s dog Snowball wouldn’t be enough, so on occasion she really was part of the team. They certainly treated her as such.

Not only that, it was nice to come in and sometimes find him hard at work. He had a very particular face when he concentrated, his eyebrows drawn together, and Riza always thought he was so very handsome. She could sit and watch him work for several minutes before he’d notice her…

And then, the way that his eyes lit up, like he was seeing her for the very first time all over again. He’d brush his work aside and stand, march over to her and scoop her up, spin her around, kiss her full on the mouth. “Riza!” He cried like they were young ones again, like they were just starting to date or newlyweds falling in love all over again.

She would never get over him. She didn’t know what she’d do without him. He was the love of her life and nearly everything that she wanted out of her future.

And especially, now that their boys worked on base. She’d storm in, he’d kiss her and, faces still only inches apart, she’d say “let’s fetch the boys and go out to eat”. Neither of them could cook, after all, and it was hardly fair for Gracia to cook for them every night.

And Roy, bless his heart Roy, would look so excited and he’d kiss her again and say so softly, “that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.” And she could see it, see the love and adoration, for her and for their boys, radiating in his eyes, echoing endlessly like a song caught in a cavern. His heart was so big, he loved so strong and felt so much, and Riza knew, she knew, that nothing and no one could take his beautiful soul from this world, lest the world become a far darker and scarier place.

“Hello, Riza!” Havoc chirped when she came into the office. The place was remarkably much quieter than it normally was. She did a quick headcount, but everyone appeared to be there—Havoc of course, Breda, Falman, Fuery, and even Roy’s young and impressionable new secretary the boys had found, Sheska. Why did it seem so quiet?

“Is Roy in?” It was that, or he was pestering Maes. He had gotten his film developed, after all, and had twenty-four new photos of herself and their boys to show off. Poor, poor Maes, he never stood a chance.

Sheska nodded, a secretive little smile on her face. When Riza strode forward to barge into her husband’s office, Sheska waved frantically, tried and failed to fight off a delighted smile, and pressed a finger to her lips. “Shhhh!” she said softly, halfway to giggling.

Riza almost—almost—feared what on earth she was talking about. Why should she be quiet? Roy didn’t particularly care whether anyone was loud or not (he got distracted either way), and he couldn't possibly be doing something to betray her; it wasn’t at all like him, and she sure hoped Sheska wouldn’t be giggling if he was.

Off to the left, Breda shook his head and said, “go on in, Riza. He just might not notice. He’s got visitors.”

Visitors? She frowned a little, shook her head, but went to the door and opened it all the same.

Roy actually wasn’t at his desk, not at all. Papers indicated he’d been there, possibly recently, and whomever had entered (virtually anyone) had been important enough to make him stop working.

It took several extra seconds to figure out why.

Like many officers, Roy had his own private office attached to the main office of his team. Inside, there was a small resting place; a pair of couches and a coffee table between them, so that he could converse with whomever he pleased for however long he liked. She knew Roy often took advantage of one of the couches by having a sneakily placed nap.

And there he was, his dark head leaning back a little against the backrest. Normally he’d at least lay down, or he’d throw out his neck. He was going to be whining in the morning. She had to go move him, or at least wake him so he could move himself.

Honestly, that man.

She crept around, still sort of wary of Sheska’s warning to be quiet. She stepped around the arm of the couch, lowered her eyes to her beloved…

And oh, her heart melted.

There was a reason, a particularly good one, that Roy had fallen asleep sitting up as she’d seen. The reason, two of them actually, curled up at his side, cheeks pressed into his chest and wrapped up in his embrace.

Apparently, Edward and Alphonse had made their way to their dad’s office and had, for one reason or another, connived him to the couch so they could nap together.  Alphonse was pressed close, held tight in Roy’s one arm as Al’s fingers knotted in Roy’s light blue undershirt. Edward was sprawled over Roy’s shoulder and other arm, his own arms halfway thrown up over him as if he’d collapsed there. Roy’s other arm was around his waist, holding him still so he couldn’t adjust to a worse position, or fall off the couch entirely.

All in all, the three of them looked happy, healthy, and comfortable where they were. Roy even appeared to be drooling a little—a sure sign that he was getting some good rest.

She smiled a little, casting her eyes around for one of the few things that Roy kept on him at all times…

And yes, there it was, his treasured camera seated right there on the corner of his desk. Roy was always the one taking pictures of family and friends and events and was rarely if ever the subject of a photograph. He was part of this family too—he could stand to have his picture taken on the occasion, too.

She grabbed the camera and lined up the shot, getting their faces all in. It perhaps wasn’t the most flattering picture of her beloved that she had ever seen, or of her boys for that matter… but it was perfect all the same. She’d have to get a copy of this one and try to shrink it down—it was time to replace the photo in her wallet with a more updated version of her family, after all.

She set the camera aside and just watched her beloved family a moment longer. She touched Roy’s face, laughing when he snorted weakly and held the boys all the closer—ever a papa. Then she bent over a little and pressed fleeting kisses on their faces, quietly wishing them good rest.

“Good night, my boys,” she said softly, smiling still even as she stepped away to let them sleep. She stepped back and out of the office, silently closing the door behind her to give them their privacy.

She leaned back on the door like a lovestruck teenager, fearing her heart may burst with the adoration and love she felt growing and rising every day that went by with her three amazing men. And this—after just over a year with these beautiful boys apart of their family. She didn’t know how she’d survive the rest of her life if her love kept growing at the rate it was.

All that she knew, all that mattered, was that nothing, no force on this earth, could tear this family apart now. She would see to it herself if she had to. She had been lucky enough to find the love of her life after losing touch with him for so long, and then had been lucky enough to meet the two boys, her two babies, who would complete them.

She had been so so lucky, and she was never going to let them go.

[milkycarnations]

What Are They Like with Their S/O?

Hoodie: Bonnie and Clyde

He wants you IN on his shenanigans. Especially when those shenanigans include fucking with other people for your enjoyment.

Will go out in public with you just so y'all can play pretend and completely fabricate new lives together. You guys went to a bar in the city once and convinced about 10 other people that you were a practicing ophthalmologist and Brian was a stay-at-home dad who spent all day taking care of your 14 children. 8 boys and 6 girls, to be exact.

His amazing memory helps ensure that he never gets caught in his lies and your personality balances his enough for people to believe you guys.

Masky: Bert and Ernie

You may think that Masky is the Bert in this situation, but you're totally wrong. Tim is Ernie all the way: outgoing, light-hearted, etc.

You're tired of him, but you put up with him somehow.

Jeff: Harley Quinn and The Joker

He wants someone as crazy as him. Enough said.

Instead of having opposites that attract, he prefers to be with someone very similar to him. He feels like it helps him understand you better and vice versa.

It's also how he manifests his perception that he is a true beauty and others should follow suit.

Toby: Mike and Sully

He is your tired little green man and you are his fluffy blue kitty.

Toby fits the calculated exhaustion of Mike Wazowski, but he also works well with your charismatic self. I definitely think he's the more bitter one, but gets excited over the small things in private.

Not much of a comedian though. Help him.

Liu: Christina Yang and Meredith Grey

Y'all are honestly so cute 🥺. You compliment each other well, even if you find yourselves in a competitive environment.

You understand each other's emotions better than others on this list.

You're both the other's rock.

EJ: Dr. Watson and Sherlock Holmes

Partners in... Uh... anti-crime? You're probably two rather intelligent people in your fields and your expertise compliments Jack's.

He'll probably use you (not in a bad way) to help him solve problems when he's experimenting with something or trying to figure something out like how Sherlock talks to Watson.

You're probably confused most of the time.

Ben: Doom bf; Animal Crossing gf

Listen. We all knew this was coming. It's not that the roles can't be reversed per se, but he likely has a personality that clashes well with his S/O. Ones soft and likes pastels, the other is fighting demons with chainsaws, but you both switch it up from time to time.

Let's be honest, one of you is the emo/goth/punk and the other is the prep/cottagecore/academia aesthetic.

[silversatoru]

i made this instead of doing my stacks of homework ^

step bro!itadori yuuji x f!reader

synopsis: i don’t think i even have to say this but you get stuck in a dryer and your step-brother yuuji fucks the shit out of you

t/w: 18+!!!, aged-up yuuji, stepcest, noncon/dubcon, manipulation, filming without consent, mild impact play, creampie, mild overstimulation, mild dumbification (but also reader is just dumb), mention of masturbation

w/c: 2.3k

a/n: hey!!! i joined this super fun collab hosted by my new gf @suna-reversed​ (thank u for letting me be a part of it!!) so if you enjoy this i highly recommend checking out the rest of the talented writers in this collab :) the jujutsuhub masterlist is here !! also,, biggest thank u my lovely friend @brandmeyelena for helping me to plan and perfect this fic throughout the entire process <333

you were a good daughter, certainty not the sharpest or the most intelligent, but you were helpful and compliant and you always did your chores. and you truly didn’t mind helping out around the house either; sweeping the floors and doing the dishes was easy enough, but there was one task that plagued you a bit more than the rest — doing the laundry. the buttons were just so confusing, and there were so many of them! and on top of that, your short stature made it nearly impossible to empty the fresh clothing out of your top-loaded dryer. 

you were struggling with that exact issue right now, pushing onto your tip-toes as you tried to reach that last pesky sock stuck at the bottom of the dryer. your finger tips brushed over the warm fabric, just an inch short of being able to snatch it into your hand.

you wiggled your hips a little further, your feet lifting off the floor and your weight shifting so you fell deeper into the dryer. you were finally able to grasp the sock, but you were unable to push yourself back out, feet swinging wildly as you tried to squirm your way out of the machine.

“hey, what are you doing?”

your face flushed at the sound of your step-brother’s voice coming from behind you, your senses becoming suddenly aware of how far your dress was riding up your thighs. a pitiful whimper of embarrassment slid past your lips as you realized you couldn’t even pull your dress down — you needed both hands to hold you up and prevent you from falling into the dryer. 

“ah! yuuji! ...i got stuck,” you pouted shamefully, thankful that you couldn’t see his face right now.

“again? isn’t this like... the third time?” he asked it like a genuine question, but you still felt stupid for getting stuck in the same predicament multiple times.

“mhm, can you help? please?” you whined at him, still wiggling your hips in a poor attempt to free yourself.

this only made your dress slide higher, the underside of your ass cheeks becoming prominently visible against the edge of the fabric. yuuji couldn’t help himself, gabbing his phone and snapping a few secret pictures of your exposed back-side. he planned to save those for later, maybe jack off to them if he was bored, but then a different idea flooded his head — you were no position to stop him from doing whatever he wanted right now.

he propped his phone up on top of one of the various laundry baskets, starting a video recording without your knowledge. then he waltzed back over, sliding a single finger under the fabric of your dress and tracing his finger around your round ass cheek. the sensation of touch made you flinch, your mouth gaping open as you fumbled over your next word.

“y-yuuji?” you stammered, trying to move away which only caused your ass to jiggle and shake more than it already was.

“shh, i’m helping,” he murmured, stroking his finger all the way down to your thigh.

he moved his other hand over your pretty cunt, the fabric of your panties hugging perfectly against your folds. he brushed two of his fingers up your clothed slit, causing you to yelp and continue to wriggle around.

“step-brother? what are you doing?” you continued to question him, your voice light and laced with confusion.

“i’ll help you get unstuck, but you have to repay me somehow, little sister,” he clicked his tongue at you, an evil grin that you couldn’t see stretching his lips.

he continued to poke and prod at your soft, clothed pussy, his mouth salivating as he imagined the things he could do to you in this position. every brush of his fingers coaxed gasps and whimpers from your lips, your worries and protests falling on deaf ears.

“y-you’re my brother, yuuji! w-we can’t do this!” you continued to argue, but his gentle fingers were starting to feel really good — small streams of fluid flowing out of your cunt and seeping into your panties.

“it seems like you want me to,” he observed, poking his finger at the small wet spot that was forming now, “and mom and dad won’t be home until later. no one will find out”.

you felt his strong hands weave their way underneath the straps of your undergarments, swiftly pulling them down your thighs and letting them dangle from your ankles. you sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling of your wet cunt being exposed to the cool air, shifting your hips and filling yuuji’s head with more sinful ideas.

you couldn’t see anything (with your head still being stuck in the dryer) but you heard your brother’s own pants fall to the floor, a loud clank of his belt buckle against the tiles confirming your suspicions. everything about this felt so wrong, but at the same time, you’d always been shamefully attracted to yuuji — eyes lingering on his chiseled chest for a little too long when he walked around the house shirtless.

your head was swirling with thoughts like: would it really be that wrong if the two of you indulged in each other while no one was around? it’s not like you were actually blood related or anything.

on the other hand, yuuji had a one-track mind, and he wasn’t having any of the doubts that you were — he had a tendency to listen to his dick instead of his brain. and right now your round, plump ass was staring him in the face and begging to get fucked. how could he not take advantage of this opportunity?

he lifted his hand and gave a firm slap to your right ass check, earning a gasped yelp from you which made his dick twitch and strain. he mumbled under his breath, something along the lines of ‘i’ve always wanted to do that’ but it was kind of hard to hear from the depths of the dryer.

he’d used a reasonable amount of force, a puffy handprint forming on the surface on your skin. he decided that the other cheek should match, delivering another firm strike to the other side and watching you squirm and whimper at the impact.

he grabbed his phone and pulled it over for a few close ups, showing off the swollen skin to the camera. he then placed a finger at the front of your entrance, the puffy, slick walls sucking it in as he delivered a few warm-up strokes with his hand. the camera picked up on all the grotesque squelching noises made by his finger in your cunt, as well as the embarrassed yelps and moans leaving your lips.

now that you had two matching, swollen hand prints, and your pussy had been properly prepped, he decided he was ready for the main course. yuuji returned his phone to its spot on the laundry basket before grabbing a low stool from the corner of the room and setting it in front of the dryer so he could stand on it for easier access. his cock was red and veiny, begging for entrance into your tight cunt as he wrapped one hand around it to position himself.

you’d always imagined your step-brother’s dick to be lengthy, and your assumptions were proven correct when your felt a tight pressure in your core. his girthy size pushed and stretched at your walls, pained mewls leaking from between your teeth as you clawed at the bottom of the dryer.

yuuji let out a groan that was almost animalistic, throwing his head back and placing a firm grip on either side of your hips. the way your pitiful form was positioned on the dryer gave him excellent access, the curve of his dick allowing him to stretch you deep, reaching all the way to the spongy patch of tissue that made you feel so good.

a jumble of grotesque noises filled the room, a chorus your sloppy moans, yuuji’s pleasured grunts, and the steady slap of his hips on your ass. he’d imagined what this would be like more times than he could count — fucking himself into his fleshlight and mumbling your name while he did so. but no matter how many times he’d dreamed of this moment, he never expected your walls to be so tight — so perfectly snug around his cock.

“yuuji!” you repeated his name a few times, head so dazed from the overwhelming bliss that you’d forgotten all about the initial guilt you’d felt.

“see, i knew you’d like this, little sister. your big brother would never steer you wrong, would he?” he knew his words were manipulative, but god, you were much too dumb to understand or grasp the concept of manipulation — you’d just agree with him like you always do.

“no! he would never!” you whined, letting your head dip lower into the dryer so he could fuck you at an even better angle.

your messy cunt squelched and squeezed a small stream of juices down your thigh as he picked up a deeper, faster pace, your moans becoming higher and more unsteady in response. he could feel your sloppy walls fluttering and constricting against him, his fingertips digging deeper into your hips as he let out a few breathy moans.

the tip of his cock slammed into your pleasure spot with every stroke, voiding your brain of any cohesive thoughts you might have had hiding in there. you moaned and whimpered over and over, whining yuuji’s name like a mantra as drool spilled from your lips.

yuuji could almost imagine your perfectly fucked-out face — your eyes rolling into your head and your mouth hanging open lazily. he grunted at the thought, deciding that the next time he fucked you it was gonna be somewhere that he could watch your face and really enjoy the show — because there was definitely going to be a next time.

there was a tight coil forming in your stomach, building up more and more the longer that your step-brother railed himself into you from behind. you hardly even noticed how sore your hips were getting or how numb and tingly your legs were from being bent over the dryer, yuuji’s dick filling you up so well that those things became an afterthought.

after a few more pounds to your oozing cunt that hit deep enough to graze your cervix, you felt a heightened wave of pleasure begin to crash over your body. surges of the most blissful sensation you’d ever felt racked through your systems, your whines becoming borderline screams as yuuji fucked you through your orgasm.

the way your warm, messy walls fluctuated and gripped around his cock pushed him close to his own climax, but he wasn’t quite ready to be done with you yet. he continued to provide heavy, forceful thrusts, abusing your now sensitive cunt and moaning loudly as your juices squelched out around the edges of your entrance. the disgusting sounds of your fluids squeezing out around his cock nearly sent him over the edge again, but he was determined to ride this out for as long as he could.

“it’s too much!” you wailed between heavy breaths, every stroke sending jolts of overstimulation through your clit.

you wiggled and whined, legs clenching together in defense and causing your pussy to wrap even tighter around yuuji’s dick. the added pressure and increased pleasure was something he could no longer surpass, succumbing to his own orgasm just moments later.

“fuck, feels- too- fucking- good- shit,” he grunted a long string of mostly profanity, emptying his hot release into your caverns as you continued to cry out and whimper underneath him.

yuuji had fucked you even stupider than you already were, your head way too dazed for you to even realize he was filling your insides with warm, sticky semen. he milked his orgasm all the way through and then some, his cock aching and twitching by the time he finally pulled it out of your white-stuffed cunt.

he wrapped his toned arms around your waist, finally pulling you out of the dryer and attempting to stand you up. but between the lack of blood flow to your legs from being stuck, and the good fuck yuuji had just given you, your lower extremities were in no shape to hold you up. you sunk right to the floor, your messy pussy spilling everywhere and leaving puddles of fluid and semen.

“thanks for helping me get un-stuck, big brother,” you looked up at him with admiration, blissfully unaware of how he was using your utter stupidity to his advantage.

“of course, you want me to carry you to bed?” he gave you a sympathetic look, squatting down with his back to you.

you hummed happily, wrapping your arms around his neck and climbing onto his muscular back. he carried you down the hall and into your room, laying you down and handing you an old towel for you to clean yourself up with. you were a pitiful site, hazy eyes and an ignorant smile resting on your face as yuuji admired your damaged little cunt for a few more moments before returning to the laundry room.

he grabbed his phone and ended the video, thankful that you were much to oblivious to notice that it was recording the entire time. he was definitely going to hold onto the recording for safe keeping and later use — and shit, maybe he’d even upload it to pornhub and make a quick buck too.

[nanamikentostan69420]

Okey so yesterday I went to my parents’ house for thanksgiving. Mind you, I spend the least amount of time possible with my family these days because I’m not out to them (I’m out to my brother but not my parents, so for years I’ve felt like I have to “check my queerness at the door” and it’s really frustrating!!! as well as since I’m not out to my parents I can’t correct my pronouns to my brother there), my brother is only (truly) interested in talking about investment banking, or real estate, or when asked questions about himself, and my mom is hyper religious but does nothing I see as useful with her faith. My dad is also hyper religious, but he actually listens??? Which my mom doesn’t. at All.

This is probably just going to turn into a rant about my mom but I’ll add my dad in there too. LOL edit from the other side: turns out it was about my dad after all!!!

So my dad’s parents grew up in Georgia, in the 1920s. They’ve both passed now, but they became Jesus Freaks (derogatory, I despise the way religion manifests in my family, both immediate and extended. And it twisted my worldview until I got the gall to leave the church at age 17. But I have been in therapy for years YEARS YEARS unpacking the really awful messages I was told, as a part of being in the Christian Church. I can’t overemphasize how impactful it was to me, and I estimate 90-95% of the impact isn’t congruent with the person I want to be. So here I am, in therapy, trying to reverse and internalize changes I believe in. Anyways).

My dad was raised in a Central California city with (haven’t counted but guesstimating here) quite a lot of churches, by two people who latched onto the religious fanaticism and Accepted Jesus Into Their Lives. for context, this town has about 1-2 churches per every few busy streets, so around 50 for the whole city? I may look this up later and add it to another post.

My mom is an interruptive listener at best, and at worst she doesn’t listen at all. Very audibly, too. She’s pretty aware of it sometimes and I’ve definitely brought it up before, but it’s gotten worse in recent years. She’s also really tactless at topic changes, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s just exceedingly obvious that she doesn’t sit with discomfort and will try to change the subject.

When I came over to my parents house, my dad brought out some old family pictures that he’d gotten when his mom passed a couple months ago. I LOVED this by the way, I miss physical media, I love seeing pictures of me and my brother as young-ins, and on a gender level I think it’s a little gratifying that all of us had a hard time telling which of the bald-ish tiny humans before age 1-2 was me, and which was my brother (I’m AFAB, brother is AMAB). And I’m like lol if we were raised the exact same it would be so different. Anyways!

I’m having a good time looking through the pictures. My dad is too! I’m helping him sort through them, and my brother is clearly not too interested, my mom is enjoying it for a bit but loses interest. We end up pausing for dinner and then afterwards we sit down and look through some more.

Here’s where it all started- my dad is talking about his parents and grandparents that lived in Georgia. And I’m like, now would be a good time to bring up the question- do you know if anyone in our family owned slaves?

And lo and behold, my dad tells me he had a great-great-grandma who was PROUD of the fact she owned slaves. Yowch!!! I’ve expected it for years and it’s been a distinct possibility, but having the confirmation still settled on me heavily.

I immediately start discussing what that means to me, and why it’s a huge part of the privilege I hold today- and my dad listened, and shared, and did get defensive, and isn’t radicalized by all means but I do think he means well though his impact and delivery is ROUGHHHHH (he definitely quoted a racist cousin he had who picked him up from a bus station because my dad was the only white person on the bus (GOD FORBID???) but that cousin had used a slur and so did my dad when quoting him. I let him know I don’t think slurs should be used, even when quoting, and that I think he could communicate it in other ways in the future).

Okay so we’ve set the table for my dad having racist family, for generations at this point. probably 7-8 generations of my family have been overtly racist, at least at times (dad said my grandpa (his dad) used to “let it slip sometimes”… in the 1950-1970s my dad was raised in… yeah. Racist old fart. Fuck that guy btw. Not a big fan of grandpa bill. anyways).

And the context my dad has is different from me. I expect I’ll always be more radical and further left than my dad on most issues, but it means a lot to me that he actually FUCKING LISTENS!!! My brother got up and left around 10minutes into the initial discussing (not that he joined in, or contributed at all while he was there) of our family’s racist history, and put in headphones and played COD in the other room. My mom left and went upstairs, then came downstairs a couple times and asked my dad very pointedly if he was going to call my uncle and say Happy Thanksgiving, and said “I don’t want to interrupt, but I’m gonna interrupt”. Like Ok Mom thank you very much you are a coward!!! Sit with your discomfort and discuss racism & privilege with us please!!!

Anyways after she interrupted again (about watching the Peanuts Thanksgiving movie), I said “no, I’d rather keep talking to dad about this, if that’s okay” and she might’ve been offended but I don’t really give a shit! I have never gotten that much dialogue about privilege, racism, and especially the roots it has in our family, with my dad before and I was like DONT MAKE ME LOSE THIS MOMENTUM MOM!!!

Dad and I went back and forth for at least 3 hours. Most of his arguments were around these topics “Well I’ve had black people in my life for decades (he’s had quite a few roommates and coworkers that are black people/POC) and they’re all great people!!! EYE am not racist because I never look down on anyone, I don’t think I’m better than anyone!!!) and I’m like ok classic racism-that-doesn’t-look-like-racism-if-you-don’t-know-what-to-look-for! Or more accurately, having lived around black people does not mean you can’t have racist tendencies??? Or that you’re immediately anti-racist because of an association with anyone who isn’t white???

Same with the privilege, he’s like “I don’t see how a great great grandma (THE SLAVE OWNER BTW) has anything to do with my life” and then NOT AN HOUR LATER we’re talking about how owning a house is a fucking impossibility for most young people (even me, with all my privilege!!!), and he’s like “well my parents helped me out and gave me a loan for our house in Wealthy Suburban Town (the reason I was able to attend a well-funded, VERY highly ranked in education and athletics, in middle and high school)”.

So you can’t see how 7 generations of our family having- in comparison to POC families that would have otherwise had similar social standing, were it not for *ahem* BLATANTLY RACIST HOUSING LAWS, HIRING LAWS, ENFORCEMENT OF LAWS, etc. etc. so RACISM… means that our family, compared to non-white families, has, for generations, had:

more access to resources, including “nicer” neighborhoods, “better” schools, quality clothes, food, etc.

AND MORE ABILITY TO HELP THEIR CHILDREN/GRANDCHILDREN WITH THOSE RESOURCES!!!

That paints a vivid picture of privilege in my mind!!! My dad got pretty defensive about “well my parents came to CA with just $20, how about that?” and “they were really hard workers, they had a garden and everything”

-my grandparents also ended up selling a trailer and making like $3000 (1930/1940’s valued USD),

-my grandpa got a fat insurance claim check ($10000 USD in 1940s) from a car accident,

-they built their home themselves which meant not only did they not have to fork over rent money, but they DIDNT HAVE A FUCKING HOUSE PAYMENT

-my grandpa “built” (read, bought houses that were already built from auctions where they were being relocated due to imminent domain & the building of a freeway (IF I GET STARTED ON THIS ILL NEVER FUCKING STOP SO LET ME TABLE THIS FOR LATER DISCUSSION)). Anyways my grandpa “built” houses on the part of property their house was on and was BUH BUH BUHHHHH a Landlord… to this my dad argued that “Not everyone wants to be a homeowner… did I mention your mom and I had to replace a water heater? it was $1700!!! some people really PREFER renting!” (again, not getting started on this, but you catch my drift).

-dad also admitted that a great(times 1 or 3 greats, I don’t remember exactly)-grandpa of his had been a sharecropper & eventually sold much of his land for (mid to late 1800s USD. $1,040,000). So someone in my family, more than a hundred years ago, when money was worth quite a bit more. Was a millionaire. And my father argued that “I don’t see what that’s got to do with my life”. Ok!!! I literally don’t know how to put it more clearly to you but EYE SEE IT!!! HolyShit.

Me when I experience the love of christ

[crazycookiecrumbles]

A Rip in the Multiverse (3)

A/N: This takes place late in this series of one-shots. AFTER the wedding which I have yet to write. Direct Sequel to A Rip in the Multiverse (2)

Okay. So this is in my Stark!ReaderVerse! Feedback, as awlays, extremely appreciated and desired. ​ 

Pairings/Characters: Shang-Chi x Stark!Reader, Tony Stark x Daughter!Reader 

Warnings: swearsies

Summary:  It’s time to Introduce the new Tony Stark to Pepper and Morgan

WC: 4,902

This was the most awkward, uncomfortable situation you had ever been in. Clint was trying to get to know his wife, who wasn’t even his wife anymore, she was a totally different Natasha who didn’t even know you. You were trying to make sense of your father, who suffered similarly to you in losing those that he loved. In his Universe, he had no Pepper or Morgan or you to go home to. Here, the three of you were missing him. It seemed perfect to make him slip right in as though nothing had ever happened. 

However, deep down, you knew this wasn’t your dad. He surely didn’t have all the same memories you had growing up. There was no way things were a perfect parallel, lives lived the same alongside each other, the only reverse being your fates. Nothing could be that easy, that simple to slide into, to fill the void each of you had.

But that morning, as you were waiting for Pepper to come by and you spoke to him in the kitchen, you were thinking that maybe, just maybe, you were allowed to have some good luck on your side.

“My daughter, you, I guess, in my universe, she used to make the most incredible brownies,” Tony explained with a grin as he stared off out the window and thought back on a particular day. “And one day I came back from a mission with everyone. You were — she was asleep, but those brownies were there. I took ‘em before anyone could say otherwise, ran off, and wrapped them all in plastic wrap and hid pieces around the tower so I had snacks all week and no one else got any.”

Your eyes watered as you remembered this being the exact story you had shared with Shangqi around Thanksgiving, the night that he proposed. Your head went down as you laughed and shook your head before looking up again, “I — I did that here.”

“You did?”

“I did,” you nodded. “You were like a crackhead for brownies. Did I ever — “

“Top them with chocolate blueberries? Oh, yeah, definitely,” Tony finished your sentence all too eagerly. “You didn’t think it would taste good, but I loved it.”

“Holy shit,” you mumbled to yourself and chugged your coffee. You thought the burn would help snap some sense into you to not get your hopes up, and yet — 

“Did Cap ever take you away?” Tony asked, “When you two were together, did Cap ever take you to Connecticut?”

“He did…”

“Huh,” Tony mused and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, spawn, I think we may have come across a very rare anomaly.”

“And that is?”

“Our life experiences seem to have been identical to one another, and yet our ends were the inverse,” Tony tilted his head to the side and studied you, “Huh.”

“What? What huh?”

“Well, we had the same experience with each other. Our lives are essentially a mirror of one another, but your husband wasn’t the same in my world. I’m just wondering, if you had survived, would you have gone dark side? Turned him good? I wonder if there’s something called ‘destiny’ out there, and you two were meant to be together.”

“Oh, god, please don’t,”  you held your hand up with a laugh. “I can barely deal with the fact that you’re here and …well, everything, I can’t deal with another Shangqi right now — much less an evil one.”

Tony nodded in understanding as he reached over to the middle of the counter, grabbed the coffee pot, and poured more coffee for the two of you, even adding your favorite add-ins to the cup just the way you liked it, which made you want to burst into tears then and there. 

“If it means anything, this Shangqi seems like a good man. Not at all like his shitty ass father,” he told you as he slid your cup over to you.

And with perfect timing. Shangqi entered the kitchen, dressed for the day, yawning and yearning for a cup of coffee. He smiled at you and quickly rushed over to greet you with a kiss, “Mornin’ babe.” He reached for the coffee pot and looked to your dad, “Good Morning, Mr. Stark.”

Tony raised his mug to him, “Morning there, Dragon Tales.”

You snorted, coffee shooting out of your nose, “Dude!”

“What? He fought dragons! Come on, you used to love that show as a kid. It’s a good reference, and I know you understood that better than my ‘Point Break’ one on Thor.”

“I wasn’t going to say it was bad or anything, I loved it. I wanted a high five,” you said, sticking your hand out to your dad who happily slapped it.

Shanqi’s smile fell.It was at this moment that it dawned on him that there were two of you. There was you, and the original, plus Morgan? Fuck, he was going to die.

“Good one, Mr. Stark. I’ll just uh, I’ll go ahead and wait by the front for Pepper and Morgan so I can take Morgan to play while you three talk. Later, honey,” Shangqi leaned down to kiss the back of your head and left with his coffee.

You shook your head at your dad, “He’s going to stop calling you Mr. Stark.”

“But it’s nice having Xu Shangqi afraid of me for once. It amuses me,” Tony smirked and finished his coffee. “Pep, um, Pepper’s coming, does she know?”

“I think she suspects,” you nodded. “We’re going to take this over to the conference room. It’s got blackout windows and a silence function.”

“What, you put padding all around?”

“Nah, installed a panel in the office. Emits two different frequencies undetectable by the human ear, but also cancel each other out. It’s basically like a cone of silence.”

Tony stared at you in awe, “Wow, kid. I’m impressed. You’re amazing.”

You missed that praise from your father. It gave you flashbacks to when you were a kid and the two of you would be working on an invention together. You’d get something right, and Tony would tell you how great of a job you did before going to get ice cream together or some sort of treat to celebrate your good work.

“Thanks, da — uh, Tony — I don’t know what to call you.”

Tony’s jaw clenched slightly as he nodded. He straightened his posture and sniffled quickly as he nodded once more to himself for reassurance, “Yeah, no, no. It’s fine. We’ll figure something out.”

Meanwhile, in the hallway, Steve had heard the exchange since he was on his way to get in an early morning run. He glanced at Shangqi and nodded to him, “Can’t handle Stark’s nicknames?”

Shangqi rolled his eyes, “I can handle them just fine, Steve. Don’t you have some Metamucil to go drink or something?”

Steve chuckled, “Funny. Let’s see how long that relationship lasts now that Tony’s here to stay. And let’s not forget the fact that, well, Y/N and I were married in his universe as well — “

“Yeah, and she’s dead, so I guess she goes to extremes to get rid of you,” Shangqi snapped. “We’re married, Steve. Fuck off.”

Steve said nothing. He watched Shangqi walk off to the front where Pepper and Morgan had just entered. Shangqi left his coffee mug on a random table, which was sure to annoy his wife later on, and threw open his arms as he went on bended knee.

“Morgan the Destroyer!” He shouted.

“Uncle Shangqi!” She screeched and dove into his outstretched arms. She hugged him tightly around the neck as he scooped her up and stood at his full height with her. “Hello!”

“Hey, Morgan. Ready to play today?” He asked before greeting Pepper with a smile and gesturing over his shoulder with his chin.

“I’ll be back, sweetheart,” Pepper told Morgan with a kiss to her head before walking off.

“Yes, but where is Y/N?”

“She has to take care of some boring old business stuff,” Shangqi said as he carried her off to a completely different section of the compound. “So you’re stuck with me, kid!”

“You’re lying,” Morgan said as she studied his face.

He sputtered, “What? What? No! I’m not lying. Why do you think I’m lying?”

Morgan shrugged, “I know all.”

“You….are a scary little kid.”

Morgan beamed at that, “I know.” It was at this point Morgan took out a stick she hid up the sleeve of her jacket and pointed it at him, “Speak or be destroyed!”

“Holy shit.”

~*~

In the conference room, you were pacing back and forth nervously while chewing on a breakfast bar. Tony watched you in amusement and stared carefully at the ground like he was waiting for something to happen. He made a mental note that he was impressed you hadn’t brought the entire place down yet.

When the door opened, Pepper walked in, shut it behind her, and exhaled as she looked directly at you before spotting Tony.

“I knew it,” she shut her eyes tightly and leaned against the wall, “I’m going insane.”

“No, no, you’re not insane. That’s…him. Sort of.”

“What do you mean sort of?”

You paused and tried to figure out how to word this, “Well, so, he, uh — “

“I’m your Tony from a parallel dimension — somewhat,” Tony explained as he cautiously approached her. “Back where I’m from, everything was the same up until Thanos came. That’s sort of where our lives diverge.”

Pepper frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Tony didn’t snap in his world. In fact, it never even got that far,” you explained. “I’m the one that died.”

Pepper’s hands went up to her mouth, “Oh my god.”

“So did you, while pregnant,” Tony explained, and you could see how his eyes started to turn glassy. “You weren’t far along enough, though. It was very early, but the stress of the situation, Y/N, me. I came back and my whole life was gone in an instant.”

Pepper sniffled as she listened to this, “Oh, Tony, I’m so sorry — “

“Seeing the two of you again is, well, it’s almost comical,” he laughed dryly. “Like a big punch in the face by the universe.”

“I’m just so surprised you’re here,” Pepper said quietly. “Is Doctor Strange — “

“He can’t, he doesn’t have the magic for that,” you told her quietly. “He’s here to stay, Natasha too.”

“Natasha?” Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Is she — “

“A little different, yeah,” you told her very briefly what was going on with Natasha. “But that’s — I — well —“

“You lost your Tony,” Tony said as he approached Pepper and reached out for her hands, “I lost my Pepper, my Y/N, our child that I was thinking we could name after your weird uncle Morgan. All gone. And I’m standing here looking at the two of you thinking, well shit, maybe I can have the life I wanted.”

Pepper shuddered, “Tony — “

“I know, I know. It’s weird. I’m not your Tony, but damn it, Pepper Potts, I think I’ll love you no matter what universe it is. You and me Pep, always.”

She laughed nervously as she pulled away from Tony and wiped her eyes, “Tony, there’s something you need to know — “

“And you,” Tony turned around and fixated on you, “I said it before but I’ll say it again. You are my greatest creation, Y/N. And I know this is weird for us, this whole thing, but maybe I can be there for you. You don’t have to call me dad. I won’t resent you for it. Your future kids don’t have to call me Grandpa or anything like that, but — “

“Tony,” Pepper snapped. “We had a daughter.”

“Oh, I know.” Tony nodded simply.

She scoffed, “What?”

“Yeah, you and this dead guy had your own Morgan. I was trying to let you have the big reveal, but I know she’s here. I’m kind of not acknowledging it because once I see her I may lose my shit, and as funny as that would be, it would probably terrify the kid.”

Pepper stared at him incredulously, “Wow. I hate you so much you big idiot.”

Tony shrugged his shoulders, “You know, hate is a strong word. I — “

Tony was silenced by Pepper hugging her dumb genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist idiot. She was trying to hold it together, but she couldn’t stop crying as she held Tony in her arms. Tony also tried to keep it together, but he couldn’t. All the bravado he held, all the jokes he was making and trying to play off his feelings, it all came down as he held Pepper tightly and hid his face in her hair as he held her.

Suddenly, you could feel a pitter patter of footsteps outside the room. You narrowed your eyes immediately, realizing that Morgan had gotten the best of Shangqi, her favorite uncle who could so easily falter under her gaze and do whatever she asked of him. You stepped out of the room, shut the door behind you quietly, and watched as Morgan was jumping up and down trying to peek into each room.

You crossed your arms over your chest as you stared at her. Shangqi came racing down the hall and skidded to a stop when he saw you watching Morgan. You slowly turned and raised an eyebrow at him. He gave you a sheepish grin as he cleared his throat.

“She tricked me into hide and seek.”

“You are such a sap,” you shook your head.

“Sorry, babe.”

“It’s fine, no worries.”

“Where are they?”

“Giving them time,” you explained, seeing Morgan turn around and realize she had been caught. “I still don’t know what to tell her.”

“Well, think fast,” He muttered seeing Morgan speed towards you.

Morgan was running at full speed with her shoelaces untied. You snorted to yourself wondering if she was going to trip and make you have the hardest laugh you’d have in a long time. Perfectly so, she did trip. She stepped on her laces and went flying forward. As much as you were ready to laugh, your protective instinct took over and your hand shot forward. With your powers, you gently pushed her back, easing her forward-facing fall into a gentle landing on her tush.

Morgan sat there flabbergasted as she stared at you. You wondered why she looked that way at you until Shangqi broke the news to you.

“Honey,” he began. “I don’t think you’ve ever used your powers in front of her.”

You blinked, “Oh, shit.”

“That was fucking awesome!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

“Oh, shit,” you mumbled again to yourself.

Shangqi grinned, “Well, now you have something else to talk to her about and distract her with. Am I off the hook?”

“I suppose I’ll allow it,” you reasoned. “Would you mind checking in on them?”

“You got it,” he kissed your cheek and ran off as Morgan ran up to you and stared at you with her little fists balled up on her hip.

“You can do things,” she said as she studied you intensely. “Why I didn’t know?”

“Well, Morgan, it never came up?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. “Want a popsicle?”

“Fine, and the story,” she said as you took her hand and walked with her to the kitchen.

With snacks in place, you two sat at the counter in the kitchen and tried to figure out where to begin. Really, how were you to explain to as child that you had powers?  She understood Tony’s situation fairly well, but there was something different to explaining that your sister had powers.

“So, no one ever told you I could do things?” 

“No. Daddy said you’d get upset and break things like a baby Hulk.”

You sighed, “Yeah, that’s pretty accurate for him.”

Morgan nodded and took a long sip of her juice before putting the glass down, sliding it towards you, and saying ‘hit me’. Snickering, you poured more juice for her and watched her sip more, 

“How come I can’t do that?” Morgan asked quietly. “I’m not strong enough?”

Your eyes widened, “No, no, that’s not why! Morganite, you are the strongest, creepiest little kid I’ve ever met.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes, you little demon child,” you teased as you poked her nose softly. ���You remember that we have different moms, right?”

Morgan nodded, “Yeah.”

“Well, where I’m from, my mom was a powerful witch,” You said, watching Morgan gasp out loud and stare at you in awe. “She was very, very connected to nature and spirits and gods. I never really found out why I got these powers, but we suspected it had to do with her who she drew her power from.”

“Who was that?” Morgan asked.

“Atabey,” you told her. “Although it’s kind of weird because she was also called Guabancex. I think? Or that’s just another manifestation of — sorry. I get fuzzy. It’s been so long since my mom last explained it to me. But she was associated with nature and natural disasters and, well, Morgan…I’ve got seismic powers.”

“Like earthquakes?”

You laughed, “Yeah, sort of! Everything in the world vibrates at a certain level, and I can control those vibrations.”

“Whoa,” Morgan trailed off. “That’s amazing.”

“It is,” Steve remarked as he walked into the kitchen after his latest workout to grab a bottle of water. “Your sister is kind of amazing.”

You rolled your eyes, “Don’t butter me up, Rogers.”

“Yeah, fuck off, Rogers!” Morgan echoed.

You snorted while Steve snickered to himself and shook his head.

“Just saying, ladies. I don’t know anyone else that could put a hole through an alien without ever actually touching it. Your sister is amazing,” Steve said before leaving.

You rolled your eyes, and Morgan quickly imitated you the best she could, causing you to laugh and reach out to ruffle her hair.

“So you’re magic?”

“I don’t think it’s magic,” you shrugged. “We never quite figured out what it was, but I’m not like anyone else here, so….I don’t know. We never figured it out.” You cleared your throat. “So, yeah, that’s me!”

“You’re so cool, Y/N,” Morgan gushed. “Is Shangqi like you?”

“Shangqi’s a little different,” you smiled softly. “Maybe he’ll tell you later.”

“But you can kick his butt, right?”

You laughed, “All day, every day.”

Morgan nodded and deemed this to be the appropriate answer, “Is that why you wore those arm things when you first came to visit?”

You nodded, “What did you think it was?”

“Osteoarthritis,” she said quickly.

“Not sure how or why you learned what that is, but, I mean, that's a fair guess.” You scratched the top of your hair and stared at her, “What else they didn’t tell you?”

Morgan chewed on her lip and bobbed her head from side to side as she thought about it, “Why Steve isn’t Uncle Steve.”

“Mm, yeah I’m not touching that one until you’re older.”

“Okay.  Why is he Uncle Shangqi isn’t he my brother-in-law?”

You narrowed your eyes as you stared at her, “Because I didn’t— I — my brain farted, okay!?” You shouted playfully at her listening to her laugh. “Stop knowing things, aren’t you two!?”

“I’m this many,” She held up her fingers and you scoffed.

“Well if you’re saying ‘this many’ and using fingers, you’re too little to know so much,” you said as you scooped her up from her chair and started walking away with her.

“I’m a genius, though.”

“Okay. Fair. I can’t handle that, though. Go back to being tiny and cute,” you demanded of her as you two walked down the hall.

You noticed Shangqi who looked traumatized. You frowned and walked over to him and grabbed his arm, “Hey, what happened?”

“I saw things I shouldn’t have seen…”he trailed off. “Very…very intimate, things.”

You frowned before realizing what he meant. Your eye twitched and you muttered ‘not again’ as you grabbed his hand and led him away as well. You said that the three of you could watch a movie together and try to forget all your troubles.

You sat in the middle of Morgan and Shangqi. Shangqi’s head was on your lap and you were running your fingers through his hair while you simultaneously stroked Morgan’s.

Nearing the end of the movie, Pepper appeared by the hallway, her head sticking out from the corner. She waved you over and you quickly excused yourself and ran over to her. You two silently went back to the conference room and locked it.

You gagged, “It smells like sex. It smells like parental sex, oh my god — “

“Like I haven’t been in a room after you’ve fucked in it,” Tony scoffed. “I remember in my garage you dragged Rogers to my red corvette and — “

“Stop! I don’t need that rehashed!” You shouted, flinging your hands over your ears to cover them and silence him.

Pepper sighed and took your hands down and gestured for you to sit. She cleared her throat and looked to Tony who zipped his mouth shut and sat there like a quiet, good little boy while Pepper spoke.

“We… are trying to figure out how to do this the best for Morgan,” Pepper began and was promptly interrupted.

“I say we rip the band-aid off,” Tony offered.

“And when you die again?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. “What do we tell her when you die again? What do any of us do when you die again?”

Tony stared at you, “Well, by that point, I’ll have achieved immortality, so — “

“That’s not funny. I mean it. She’s a kid. She’s going to have some serious emotional developmental issues from this, right? I mean — “

“She’s a Stark, so, yes,” Pepper added quietly.

“I resent that. I turned out just fine, and so did my spawn here,” Tony gestured to you.

You stared at him quietly and you groaned, “Yeah, that kid is fucked regardless. And, also, you two fucked. Are you together? Is this a thing?”

“We’re taking it slow,” she said.

“You FUCKED!” 

“That’s slow for a Stark,” Tony offered. “Well, for me, anyways. Not you. You’re old fashioned. To be fair, your type is usually old men, so — “

“I need people in my life to stop saying out loud that I fuck old men!” You threw your arms up in the air.

Pepper missed this. She stood there quietly, watching as you and your father started screaming at each other about Steve, his age, and how your relationship with him was just too good to pass up when it came to making jokes. You two could be so unbearable, and loud, and ridiculous beyond reason, but she adored you two.

“I mean, he’s back to being young, right? What is it at this time around, 200 or 300?” Tony asked.

“I don’t know, dad! He’s fucking old and I don’t fuck him!” You shouted then paused. “I called you dad. That slipped. I’m confused — “

“And Morgan will be too,” Pepper jumped in. “He’s not going to move back into the house immediately. I think he should stay here at the  compound for a while so she has time to adjust to him. I also have to talk to Happy, Rhodey…”

You nodded slowly, “Okay. Um. So does this mean that Iron Man — “

“I’m retiring,” Tony said quickly. “I’m choosing to be a stay-at-home dad, and I plan on wearing lots of tracksuits, aprons, and food all day long.”

You snorted, “Is that so?”

“I’ve got a second chance, I’m not messing it up,” he told you. “Besides, it looks like you’ve more than filled my footsteps. A second compound, hm? West Coast Avengers? Pepper says you’ve been thinking of starting an organization to protect enhanced youths from abuse.”

“Oh, she told you, um, I’m — I’m just toying with the idea — “

“It’s a good one. Do it,” Tony smiled softly at you. “I never got to see you really shine, and I’m more than happy to step back and watch you.”

“Oh, wow,” you laughed nervously as the room briefly, but violently shook from your powers. “Okay. Didn’t expect that. Overwhelming feelings. Can’t run away, promised not to do that anymore — “

“Why don’t I go get Morgan?” Pepper said with a nod, wanting to give you two a moment.

But right as she opened the door, Morgan slammed into her legs as she had been charging down the hall to try to get in. You could all hear Shangqi behind her shouting for her to stop. When Morgan looked up from Pepper’s legs as she got up from the ground, she spotted Tony immediately and her eyes widened.

“Holy shit,” Morgan shouted.

Tony’s eyes widened as he studied her, “Holy shit.”

“Ah, shit,” Shangqi muttered.

“Fuck,” You sighed.

“Everyone stop swearing so much in front of my child!” Pepper shrieked.

Morgan frowned. She immediately went to stand behind Pepper’s legs and hide. She glanced up nervously at Shangqi, muttering something that no one could hear.

“What did she say?” Tony asked quietly.

“She doesn’t want to see the ghost,” Shangqi replied.

“Morganite,” you called to her. She cautiously turned her head, and you could only see one eye peaking out from behind Pepper’s leg. “Remember when I said my mom was magic?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” you cleared your throat, “something magical happened. Actually, a big, dumb, stupid sorcerer fucked up a spell and — “

“Y/N,” Pepper said in a warning tone.

“Right. So something magical happened. That is Tony Stark, but he’s from another world and — “

“Hey, don’t bastardize things for the kid,” Tony said. “Strange opened the multiverse and I came through.”

You huffed, “Fine. He’s from the multiverse. This guy is from a parallel-ish world. Everything in life was exactly the same up until the moment we fought that big giant monster. This is the same man that raised you, technically, but in his world, I’m the one that died,” you explained, not wanting to tell her that she was never born and that her mother died. “So, in a way, we’re both — “

“The inverse?” Morgan asked. “So… that world’s Morgan doesn’t have you?”

“Right,” you nodded, jaw clenching as you lied through your teeth.

“That’s sad,” Morgan said quietly, slowly looking around Pepper to stare at Tony.

Tony was silently losing it. He was keeping everything inside as he studied the little girl that he missed out on having in his life. The child that was never born, hiding behind the wife that he lost, being calmed by his first-born who died to save the universe. He was losing it and struggling to remain calm. He wanted nothing more than to just scoop up this little girl and smother her in hugs.

“Nice to meet you, Morguna,” Tony said with a small wave.

Morgan hid her head again, and you could hear her sniffling behind Pepper. Your heart broke. Pepper offered a soft smile to Tony and turned around to pick her up.

“I’ll take her outside to talk to her,” Pepper said as she left the room with her.

You looked to your dad who cleared his throat, stood up, and excused himself to the restroom. You were left alone with Shangqi who slipped into the chair next to you and grabbed your hand.

“How are we doing?” He asked.

“This is a lot,” you sighed. “I need a vacation from my brain.”

“Then let’s do that,” he offered. “We’ll go on vacation somewhere. Go to London, Spain, wherever.”

“I’d like that,” you leaned on him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Did you see Morgan’s face? I wanted to make my own brain explode so I could never see her that sad again.”

“Yeah, I saw her. Broke my heart,” Shangqi sighed and put his feet up on the desk as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “It’s okay. She’s a smart kid. She’ll understand, eventually. But it’s good, she gets a second chance with her dad. That, well, that never happens for anyone, a parent coming back like that.”

And that moment you realized no one came through that Shangqi knew. His mother wasn’t there, nor was his father. You frowned as you reached up to stroke his cheek and grab his attention towards you, “I’m sorry, Shangqi.”

He smiled softly, “It’s okay. I dealt with their death. I’m honestly kind of relieved I don’t have to go through what you guys are going through, even if I am a little jealous.”

“Well,” You sighed and thought about it. “You now get to experience what it’s like to be the son-in-law of Tony Stark.”

“Should I be scared?”

“It’s…an experience,” you mumbled. “But, you know, you’ll live!”

“Oh, great. Fun. Can’t wait.”

Tony exited the restroom at the perfect moment. He glanced at Shangqi, eyes red from the obvious crying he was hiding, but, also, you could see the little fire in his eyes as you knew he was preparing to say something horrible.

“Don’t be such a pussy, Shangqi. You’ll love me.”

You snorted while Shangqi slowly shook his head, “Yeah. I see where you get it from.”

[wordsandrobots]

Thank you! I'm far better at rhetoric than academic rigor, which is why I'm writing amateur essays on an anime rather than driving myself round the bend as a historian of science, but I'm glad it's still given you much to chew on!

With respect to Agnika, I've just belatedly gotten down my copy of 1/100 Bael's manual and it states

"After the War, he divided the world into four economic blocs and founded Gjallarhorn as the supervisory organization. Leaving the management of the organization to the Seven Stars, Agnika passed away as Bael went to sleep. Therefore, the spirit of Agnika Kaieru is said to live in Bael lying in Vingolf, and thus Bael was deified among the people of Gjallarhorn."

So there you have it. Why didn't I think to check that before posting the essay? I will say the kit manuals fall into fuzzy-canon status sometimes, especially in translation ('founded' I think should read 'established', since we know for sure Gjallarhorn was formed in the middle of the War), but this is probably the most definitive statement I've seen on the matter. Without a timeframe,the exact degree of responsibility and how quickly the Seven Stars took over is still up in the air, of course, though this does kind of lend a bit more credence to the idea of the current order coming out of Agnika trying to implement his ideals, rather than being entirely contrary to them.

Now, as for Rustal . . .

OK. This is probably worth a whole separate essay (or conveniently illustrative fanfic), but in brief, it's not that I view him as altruistic but rather that I believe there is reason to think his *intentions* include a wish to improve things from where we start.

The main bases for thinking this are his relationships with Julieta, Iok and the Bearded Gentleman we know as Galan Mossa. In reverse order, the BG is devoted to him in a way that speaks of true commitment to Rustal's cause. In their own words they are friends and I don't think you'd get that if Rustal was a purely selfish arsehole manipulating everyone like Iznario. With Iok, Rustal's guardianship is a power-play but also I think it represents an attempt to shape Iok into being a better officer. The way Rustal talks about Iok's dad suggests he is mindful of how important that kind of inspirational nature can be, and he keeps putting Iok in positions that should, by rights, be learning experiences. It doesn't work because Iok is a pampered brat without a single thought in his head, but I can see a decent idea behind the attempt.

Then there's Julieta. Who is a uniquely talented weirdo with no social standing and a serious lack of self-preservation, and, importantly, not somebody you would ever keep around for the sake of your image. She is blunt and stubborn and canonically out of place in the middle of Gjallarhorn's elite fleet. And Rustal not only keeps her close but relies on her in a way that you'd imagine would have a lot of other pilots gnashing their teeth in frustration, given what we know of the internal class politics.

Yes, he's using her. She is a useful tool. But he also makes her his successor (if we trust that Gaelio heard an accurate rumour). At the very least, her uniform in the epilogue suggests she's made Commander (like Carta), most probably taking Rustal's place leading the Arianrhod Fleet. Which would have caused a riot among the aristocrats if it had even been suggested prior to the reforms inside Gjallarhorn. She's *nobody*. Not quite as low as Ein, given she appears to be from Earth, but a commoner with no manners and no willingness to learn them. That's who Rustal relies on, all the way to the end of the show.

In the side-story focused on Julieta's origins, the BG has a line about telling Julieta his real name if the day comes when everyone is valued equally and treated right. Based on Julieta and Rustal's relationship (in which is his very open and honest with her about both his expectations and what he does to achieve his goals), I think that kind of world is one Rustal sincerely believes himself to be working towards. I think that's the cause for which 'Galan' follows him, and I think it's why he took a chance on making Julieta his right hand in battle. The 'democratising' of Gjallarhorn (however that works) is intended as part of that, as is elevating Julieta through the ranks (however that worked). For whatever reason, Rustal concluded the aristocratic system wasn't fit for purpose and decided it would be better if people were promoted based on merit rather than background.

(The reason, to my mind, is seeing bruises on McGillis' neck and however many other pieces of dirty Seven Stars' laundry. I don't think a reasonably intelligent person, suffering the company of the rest of the Council on a daily basis, would come away thinking highly of hereditary greatness as a concept. He's got bloody Iok as a ward, for heaven's sake.)

The big honking caveat is that Rustal's efforts towards furthering this goal are filtered through the mindset of a colonial officer and a master of realpolitik. He's not an idealist. He meets the world as it is and works with the systems available to him. Making any changes within Gjallarhorn under the Seven Stars requires that he gather as much power as possible, because those levers aren't going to turn on their own. But more than this, I think Rustal believes in Gjallarhorn's purpose as an instrument of 'law and order'. Foundationally so. Everything he does is in the name of preventing wide-scale disruption to the systems on which the world runs. What he ultimately wants, in my view, is to see those systems run in a more equal fashion, shorn of the kind of bigotry that would have skilled people like Julieta dismissed out of hand.

And because he's raised in the environment he is, he doesn't see the contradiction. He's a reformist, not a revolutionary, because he still thinks in terms of the world being divided into 'the good parts that must be maintained' and 'the bad parts that must be kept under control'. That's why he can be so callously dismissive of Tekkadan. They're a disruption. They're making a lot of noise in the wrong place, getting in the way of the people who see the bigger picture and thus make the correct choices to improve things.

The way he talks about McGillis is very patronising, in the sense of looking down on someone with obvious ability who is just not using it right. He thinks McGillis is small. Small and childish, throwing a tantrum and making things worse as a result. Endangering Gjallarhorn's reputation. Threatening to destabilise the whole shebang. Chaos. Confusion. The little people messing everything up.

Rustal, to me, is emblematic of why a focus on 'meritocracy' shorn of a commitment to deconstructing systems of oppression is a dead-end. I think he is a man just as obsessed with power as McGillis, but he thinks that's OK because he's doing it for the right reasons. I think it's telling that he seems devoted to his fleet before the Seven Stars (wearing his green coat over his uniform) and that we never see any Elion Family (my head-canon is, he never married and has no children specifically as a fuck-that about the whole inherited position thing). I think, ultimately, he is a great example of why a 'well-intentioned noble' is a self-fulfilling contradiction if it's taken anywhere near realistically.

I've never thought the show means us to believe he's the good guy at the end. I think it positions him as the guy who won, taking logical steps towards recovering from the havoc McGillis wreaked, and who is revealed to have good intentions filtered through a totally poisonous view of the world. He is broadly speaking a better option than the Seven Stars were. He's also the man who bombed a bunch of teenagers for the sake of looking good on the news. Because that's what you have to do, when you're in his position, and want to keep being able to turn the levers from the inside.

Above all, it seems to me there is a damn good reason why he and Kudelia are facing each other at the end of the show. They're reflections. The woman who got down among the dirt and the blood to learn what she didn't know, and the man who looked out from on high and assumed he knew everything already.

Phew. That ended up longer than I intended (slightly longer than the fic, too, which at least proves narrative to be the more succinct form of communication!) but I hope it clears up my position a bit. I'd never argue Rustal Elion is a particularly deep character, but I don't think it's fair to say he's a one-note bad guy either.

(I shall have to prod that tag about Almiria another time, because it has gotten very late while I've been writing this, but suffice to say, I agree McGillis cares for her, even with all the complexity that comes with it being *McGillis*.)

IBO reference notes on . . . the lie of Agnika Kaieru

This is a post about McGillis Fareed.

Originally presented as an antagonist ala the Gundam franchise's 'Char clone' archetype (named after Char Aznable, an expy of the Red Baron by way of the Last of the Romanovs), McGillis turns out to be one of Iron-Blooded Orphans' key protagonists, his initial appearances reframed by an eventual alliance with Martian mercenary group Tekkadan, home to the more obvious lead characters. In large part, it is his story we watch unfold, as he attempts to secure control over Gjallarhorn, the repressive extra-national military in which he serves.

And it's hard to discuss that story without reference to Agnika Kaieru, the man credited with founding Gjallarhorn to counter AI-controlled 'mobile armours' three hundred years earlier. The apocalyptic conflict between humanity and the armours known as the Calamity War is the source of the current social order, not to mention the titular Gundam mecha. Agnika is responsible for leading Gjallarhorn to victory, an achievement for which McGillis idolises him. He is also a non-character, haunting events solely through McGillis' commentary, at once vitally important and entirely absent.

I thought it would be interesting to examine how that works. I ended up writing 7000 words about it. Spoilers for everything and content warnings for mentions of child sexual abuse.

The character who wasn't there

If we take McGillis at his word, his personal philosophy was defined by reading a biography of Gjallarhorn's founder at a young age. More specifically, at a young age, while being sexually abused by his adoptive father, Iznario Fareed, who had extricated him from working at a brothel, a situation he was previously forced into after being abducted while homeless on the streets. The Life of Agnika Kaieru was a light in this darkness, offering a path out of a situation that, though seemingly improved from his original impoverishment, continued to be highly coercive and harmful. McGillis was made heir to a powerful family, yet had to sneak out of his patron's bed in the middle of the night, naked, with visible bruises across his body. He was desperately in need of hope.

The abuse appears to have been baked into this plot-beat from the start, with hints to it provided at multiple points during Season 1. Iznario being accompanied by a blonde boy and blonde young man (echoing the excesses of Carta Issue, a character who surrounds herself with McGillis lookalikes owing to an unrequited crush), McGillis' reluctance to spend the night at the Fareed estate, and the questions of legitimacy surrounding his inheritance all take on darker significance when the truth is revealed in Season 2. We may safely assume he was always planned to be reacting to this form of exploitation.

I suspect Agnika was a later creation. Comparing the outline of the Calamity War provided at the very start of the show to the ways it later becomes relevant suggests a considerable amount of fleshing-out in the interim. There are few outright contradictions, or at least, few we cannot explained by assuming in-fiction ignorance. Nevertheless, the importance of Agnika as a historical figure, the myths surrounding his mobile suit, and the very existence of the mobile armours each enter without previous set-up. This is inelegant, in the manner of much of IBO's exposition: workmanlike additions to propel the plot along, extending exactly as far as required and no more. But we cannot discount their importance to the final result and since McGillis aspires, in a very real sense, to become his hero, it is instructive to consider what the show tells us about Agnika.

Immediately we run into the fact we know nothing at all about him as a person. The only 'canonical' description of his personality was provided by the series' director, who compared him to 'the hero in a shonen manga': a charismatic character who always saves his friends. Apart from reinforcing my belief any spin-off set during the Calamity War would be more typical fare than Iron-Blooded Orphans turned out to be, this tells us little. Within the story as it plays out, Agnika is blank space. Being three hundred years dead, it does not actually matter what he was like – itself a statement about how people can be forgotten even when their names reverberate through history. Indeed, the thematic parallel to the fates of a large chunk of the cast is a potent one. Time has rendered Agnika a cipher, subject to the judgement of distant strangers, his exact morals and intentions long-since stripped away.

What remains are his legacy and beliefs. That we must speak of these separately is telling. The Seven Stars, descendants of Agnika's fellow Gundam pilots and Gjallarhorn's present-day leadership, show little deference to the man who commanded their ancestors. There are no statues memorialising him and though Gundam Bael has its attendant ghost stories, of Agnika's spirit living on inside and how it will only awake for his true inheritor, it is shuttered away, a monument nobody ever goes to see. One gets the strong impression McGillis is the only person to pay him more than lips service in centuries.

Consequently, McGillis' personal interpretation of Agnika's philosophy is the only window we get on his beliefs, and the most thorough explanation of that interpretation is given to his eleven-year-old child-bride, Almiria Bauduin.

Fairy tales told by a pied piper

From what we see on screen, McGillis is never overtly abusive towards Almiria, to whom he becomes engaged as part of a political scheme. He is pushed into the arrangement by Iznario and in the side-story covering its commencement, he goes out of his way to provide Almiria with the choice he lacks – something that spurs Almiria to form a genuine attachment to him. However, the engagement also serves his personal ambitions extremely well and he unquestionably manipulates her over the course of it (hard to think of another term to describe comforting her on the loss of her brother Gaelio, for which McGillis is himself responsible). We could and probably should label his apparent concern for her emotional wellbeing and indulgence of her desire to be seen as a grown-up as an attempt at grooming her, not in the sexual sense, but to make her a more amenable chess-piece. On the other hand, McGillis prevents Almiria from killing herself when the truth comes out, at the cost of an injury that severely disadvantages him in battle shortly thereafter – a notable action when her political utility has just evaporated. On the other other hand, this incident prompts him to describe her, quite disdainfully, as 'troublesome'.

What I'm saying is, the question of whether McGillis sees Almiria as a tool or somebody he truly cares for is thorny, as it is for virtually every single character with whom he has a meaningful relationship. Nevertheless, I think we are meant to believe he is being honest when he talks to Almiria about The Life of Agnika Kaieru. What he says fits his actions elsewhere and there are no on-screen indications he isn't being truthful – at least from his perspective – when he credits Agnika's principles with 'saving him'.

McGillis states Agnika wanted a world where “humans could live as humans”; that is, where humans of all backgrounds could compete fairly to achieve their dreams. To a child of low-birth, abused behind closed doors, this is an enticing prospect. McGillis goes on to entice Almiria in turn with the promise of 'loving whomever you wish' and of neither of them being mocked for the age imbalance between them. He concludes the scene by saying it is time to “pry open the door to that world with my own two hands.”

A few episodes later, in an internal monologue, he refers to Agnika as the “greatest symbol of power the world had ever seen. Authority, vigour, might, capability, vitality, influence, as well as brute force.” Inspired by this man's life story, he is determined to usurp rule over Gjallarhorn and finally address the want of power that had defined his own life since birth.

Like everything to do with Agnika, what this tells us about his principles is somewhat vague. Quite literally the child-friendly version (sort of; McGillis openly tells Almiria he contemplated suicide prior to reading the book and is likely a poor judge of age-appropriateness). Still, the philosophy described combines individualism with egalitarianism. The stated goal is a level playing field, free of artificial advantages like wealth or social status, where everyone can pursue their dreams as far as they are each able. This is implied to be a natural state for humanity, such that achieving it would be a form of reclamation. Further, the kinds of power McGillis lists are personal – physical strength, intelligence, charisma – and he works obsessively to cultivate them. We don't get confirmation that self-improvement is another of Agnika's ideals, but it would fit from what is presented.

If you are anything like me, your brain will have turned to all sorts of weird capitalism fans and their buzzwords for justifying frantic competition between people at every level of society. Phrases like 'personal responsibility', 'rugged individualism', and 'rational self-interest', possibly with a side-helping of – gods help us – libertarianism. You may also be asking, if this is what Gjallarhorn's founder espoused, how did it end up enforcing disparities between different populations, oppressing workers and maintaining social hierarchies, at large and within its own walls?

To which I might reply, have you looked at what all those weird capitalism fans get up to, recently? This is an unsatisfying answer, though, and to properly examine how Agnika's legacy intersects with the dreaded c-word, we need to take a couple of side-steps, starting with why it should be a natural connection to make within the context of this show.

A digression into narratives about capitalism

Iron-Blooded Orphans is one of the few entries in the franchise to directly engage with capitalism as a major source of global problems. That probably sounds a little strange if you're aware of the the reputation Gundam has as a whole, so let me explain.

[Also, let me remind everyone the definition of capitalism is “an economic system based on the private ownership of the means of production and their operation for profit.” (Wikipedia; emphasis mine). It's worth being exact.]

When the concept of space colonies is introduced in 1979's Mobile Suit Gundam, they are framed as a response to global overpopulation and the consequent ecological decline of the Earth (pause to appreciate the massive fuck-off dog-whistle; we'll come back to that in a second). The war the show depicts is presented as a matter of sovereignty, whereby those offloaded into orbit rise up against rule by an indifferent terrestrial government. The colonies themselves are cities built within artificially landscaped environments inside O'Neil cylinders. They do not appear to serve any commercial purpose in and of themselves; when we see labour happening in space, it is in service to the colonies, rather than something they are for (the Zeon miners in sequel series ZZ; there is also the fuel-collecting Jupiter Fleet but they are a very odd entity and not fleshed out).

Contrast this to IBO where Mars' utility as a source of 'half-metal' is of paramount importance to its political and economic position, and the space colonies are explicitly shown to be factory complexes, company towns, resorts, and prisons. The middle arc of Season 1 is focused on a workers' revolt against the corporation running a particular group of colonies, the Dorts, while the impetus behind spin-off game Urdr Hunt is the lead character's desire to transform his home's fortunes by making it a popular tourist destination. There are also mentions of 'resource satellites' and glimpses of what appear to be colonies built to mine asteroids. And true, it isn't stated whether all the colonies originate as extractive operations and production centres. But those purposes are depicted the reason they are maintained to the present day, removing such dirty businesses far above the 'precious', 'unsullied' Earth (cue 'The Lightship', played with maximum irony).

[Side-note: the Dort Company runs its colonies as a 'public enterprise on behalf of the African Union', implying state ownership. However there are multiple references to 'rich factory owners from Earth', suggesting private control. Best I can figure, the colonies are state-owned while the production facilities inside them belong to private companies? Since everyone appears to work for Dort (every worker we see wears the same green jacket), I'm not certain how that functions. Perhaps the workforce is leased to private factories via the Company? That would be fittingly grim.]

Now to be clear, I am not claiming Gundam as a whole doesn't tackle problems caused or exacerbated by capitalism. The introduction of Anaheim Electronics into the original Gundam timeline marks clear interest in exploring the influence of corporate entities on warfare. We may also – from the outside – interrogate overpopulation concerns as deflecting blame from capital's destructive activities, going hand-in-hand with racism over migration, and obfuscating who exactly gets sent to 'colonise the unknown' (spoilers: it's the poor and vulnerable). I'm unconvinced the original run from Mobile Suit Gundam to Char's Counterattack is intended as commentary in this manner; equally, I don't think it's hard to get there (as Gundam Unicorn somewhat demonstrates).

What I'm trying to articulate is a distinction between 'being about a problem' and 'naming capitalism as the cause'. Most Gundam series tend to depict capital as part of an amorphous blob of 'Earth-sphere corruption' or 'greedy elites'. Even Anaheim acts as a third party in the Earth/space conflict, taking advantage of the war rather than shaping the fault-lines along which it occurs. Additionally, actual money very rarely tends to be a factor in the plot. Groups like Celestial Being from Gundam 00 appear to possess near-infinite budget; Gundam Wing's itinerant teenage terrorists have only erratic and arbitrary issues obtaining supplies (where are you getting the damn ammo, Trowa?!); and even in The Witch From Mercury, where you'd really expect expenditure to matter, it… doesn't. G-Witch toys with access to funds and the requirement to be profitable early on, but overall is more a courtly drama in business drag, unconcerned with why corporations work the way they do. Issues such as the exploitation of vulnerable populations for the sake of driving down costs are gestured to without becoming strictly plot-relevant.

Meanwhile over in IBO, the poverty of the Martian characters is an ever-present threat and come the denouement, whether they have any money left is of paramount importance. The show tells us bullets have a price-tag, using this to drive actions inside a world run for the sake of profit. It is mentioned that productivity in the African Union's colonies is expected to drop following the Dort labourers wining better working conditions, a boon to the competing economic blocs that leads to one of them sheltering Tekkadan in gratitude for helping bring this change about. The reason co-main character Orga Itsuka does not survive episode 48 is because arms-dealer Nobliss Gordon thinks it will be financially advantageous to have him killed. That fellow businessman McMurdo Barriston extends limited aid to Tekkadan after publicly cutting them loose for the sake of the Teiwaz conglomerate's reputation and revenue is highly relevant to his characterisation. And Teiwaz itself is run like a mafia, a riff on yakuza practices that erases the line between big business and organised crime – a hell of claim to make in a story where another of the leads' entire goal is uplifting Mars by playing the economic system.

Now, in my reading the major theme running through Iron-Blooded Orphans is exploitation. An acute depiction of how capitalist societies operate – the amorality of the profit motive, the colonial underpinnings, the sheer, monstrous cost – is a subset of this. I don't feel it's any surprise that an attempt to realistically depict child soldiers and other exploited groups should lead to a detailed rendering of the gears in which the world is currently caught. Equally, I don't think it fair to reduce IBO to being about capitalism, full-stop. Patriarchy, slavery and repressive class structures all have older roots and there is an argument to be made that where it touches those things, the show cares less about them as artefacts of modern economic arrangements than as evils in their own right.

It still manages to say stuff about the functioning of capitalism with more bluntness than most pieces of fiction I've encountered and, speaking as an Englishman, the thing that strikes me most is the decision to make the lynchpin of its world an aristocratically-led military force.

A further digression into aristocratic fables

Aristocracy means 'government by a hereditary elite'. It is sustained via wealth passed down through generations of a small group of families and was one of the key mechanisms by which the feudal system operated, prior to the slow capitalist revolution of the 16th to 18th Centuries. It is often treated as obsolete, having been superseded by more modern forms of 'being rich'. Certainly it seems quaint in these days of tech billionaires and oligarchs to talk of descendents of feudal lords who prize family trees traced back to William the Conqueror.

What you have to understand about the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (official name used with illustrative intent) is that this country never properly rid itself of its aristocracy. We are a monarchy. Our parliament includes a House of Lords. And while these are both vestiges of earlier systems, they are neither of them ceremonial. The Lords and the Crown possess actual power that can affect decisions made by the House of Commons, our democratically-elected governing body. The Lords (who are not elected and include those appointed for life alongside ninety-two hereditary positions [this was a compromise]) can review and send back certain types of bills passed in the Commons, delaying their introduction into law. Meanwhile the Crown technically still holds an absolute veto at the end of the legislative process, which only by convention do they not use (royal assent is required for any bill to become law; apparently the last time it was withheld was 1708, but the threat remains and the Crown continues to interfere in proposals affecting their interests).

As you might expect, there have been murmurings for years about replacing the Lords with elected officials and we all like to pretend the King just exists for show. Regardless, these institutions – hundreds of years old and holdovers from a completely different social and economic order – persist because the aristocracy remains a useful tool of the modern British state. The Royal Family can be said to be its advertising wing, not in the sense of attracting tourism but of going around shoring up foreign relations, to help keep Britain the fifth richest country in the world. These diplomatic efforts are a key reason why they are worth the maintenance costs (and the noxious scandals). However it goes deeper than that.

Kings and queens don't make sense without the idea of hereditary superiority, and even with its overt political power reduced by changing times, the British aristocracy continues to shape our upper classes. We have an entire parallel school system preparing the children of the wealthy for life running the country. Our public schools (fee-paying schools open to all who can afford them; we call the free ones 'state schools') have been educating the sons of the 'best families' for centuries. They were the source of the officers and administrators who maintained the British Empire and they continue to be where a massive proportion of our diplomats, politicians, journalists, civil servants, and military leadership receive their education.

This system, funnelling kids through schools like Eaton and Harrow to Oxford and Cambridge Universities, is a factory for class solidarity. It allows students to network and, just as importantly, instils in them the signifiers of being 'the proper kind of person'. Ways of speaking. Ways of dressing. An awareness of who they should defer to and who they can look down on, so that they can be recognised by other alumni as 'correct'. Trustworthy. Reliable.

Above all, it reinforces the notion they have both a right and a responsibility to lead.

Because that's the heart of the lie nobility tells: 'there is something about us that means we must rule over them.' If Britain no longer entirely subscribes to this quality being inborn, it can at least be taught to those of the right stock, bringing them a little closer to the true aristocracy. They can elevate themselves above the plebs, as diligent servants of the Crown, who remains the untouchable pinnacle of quality. [Translation note: 'the Crown' refers to both the reigning monarch and the state. They are functionally the same thing. That's what being a monarchy means.]

Thus, the Empire was able to send its younger, weirder sons out to plunder far-off lands, and produced many an honourable sort to lead thousands against machine guns in Europe, and, in a post-imperial age, Britain can still present an impeccably polite face to the world, to negotiate better deals. Diminished as it is, the aristocracy's shambling husk continues on, manufacturing not the capitalists per se (although the successors to the original land-lords are hardly above enriching themselves and plenty of our lifetime peers are people who've run successful businesses), but the supporting apparatus for capitalist operations. The grease on the wheels and a permanent roadblock along the road to meaningful social change.

You literally cannot have equality if there's a guy at the top who gets a stupid hat and ungodly amounts of influence just for who his parents were.

The wrong story, at the right time

It isn't hard to imagine about how it happened.

Gjallarhorn is the only significant military force left standing after a quarter of a solar-system-spanning human race has been exterminated. Faced with the task of reconstructing civilisation, it splits the world into four blocs for easier administration, abolishing the old national borders. At those blocs' request, it then applies the same reorganisation to Mars and Jupiter, the better to funnel resources towards restoring the Earth. Throughout, it maintains the position of a neutral arbiter; Gjallarhorn was formed to stop the War; now it must ensure there will never be another.

To this end, the tools that allowed it to triumph – the Alaya-Vijnana augmentation technology and the Gundam frames that meant flesh and blood could out-compete tireless machinery – are buried. Victory is instead attributed to the resilience of pure, unadulterated humanity. The pilots slew the monsters not thanks to their equipment but their innate ability. The greatest among them are heralded as champions and natural leaders.

It is a small step to decreeing that their children will inherit their positions. Innate qualities can be passed down and heirs, raised in the image of their parents. Maybe this is an extension of those traditions from which sprang duellists bearing red flags. Maybe it is merely a result of the new-born legends. What matters is, Gjallarhorn endures, guided by its seven stars.

Over the following centuries, the system embeds. The ethos of human purity takes hold, measured by distance from the homeworld. Unfortunates born to space or on distant, dusty worlds posses utility for digging up half-metal or labouring in orbital factories but have no place inside Earth's atmosphere. They would make the place untidy, now the scars of the War are scrubbed away. Those who seek to upset this situation are dissuaded. Those subjected to augmentation, dismissed as subhuman. The peace is kept.

Sadly, new generations of the ennobled families lack the moral fibre of their forebears, accepting bribes, pushing the boundaries of Gjallarhorn's neutrality. There are rules and those tasked with enforcing the rules and yet still the rot spreads. These younger generations lack the moral fibre of their vaunted forebears. A sad decline.

Or perhaps that is bullshit and they are exactly the same: people come into power, who will justify anything for the sake of never giving it up and ensuring that all things flow towards the centre.

Gjallarhorn is the armed wing of the Earth super-state, operating for the benefit of the whole despite competition between the individual blocs. That is to say, it is the army of a capitalist state writ large, in the usual manner of sci-fi magnifying things across time and space. Broadly, a state's purpose under capitalism is to facilitate the smooth running of private enterprise by maintaining infrastructure, providing a workforce, and destroying anything that gets in the way of expansion. Tradition, upper-class solidarity and ideological frameworks all help hold the arrangement together. It is useful, after all, to train people to believe they're supporting a grand cause when they are in fact facilitating exploitation and theft for the benefit of someone else.

And it is here we must turn our attention back to The Life of Agnika Kaieru. Above, I glibly compared the things McGillis says Agnika stood for to capitalistic propaganda. What I mean is that it reads as the ideology surrounding free-market capitalism, where companies are released from all restraint and allowed to compete irrespective of consequence. This is often said to fuel innovation and create a healthy market that will – somehow – benefit everyone, despite observably driving owners to increase profits at the expense of large numbers of people, including their customers.

In that context, claiming you want to ensure everyone competes 'fairly' is disingenuous, since it entails the removal of both limitations and safety nets. No artificial advantages and reliance solely on personal strengths means those who are old, disabled, or otherwise lacking Agnika's stated virtues will automatically be left behind. This is not hypothetical; I see it around me everyday, as a result of policies predicated on exactly this basis, just as we see it represented in IBO by a wide-scale absence of social support and characters too vulnerable to survive a free-for-all (Atra, Builth, the Turbines, in flashback). But the ideological statement elides such problems.

Given the title of the biography, I assume it dates from after Agnika died. Any impression derived from it must therefore be suspected of being what Gjallarhorn required him to have believed. Historically, both aristocracy and capitalism alike have benefited from this kind of distortion, so it would be no great surprise if the book turned out to be more PR than honest report. While Agnika's principles are incompatible with the hereditary advantages enjoyed by the Seven Stars, there are ways to read them as being aligned with the wider social and economic arrangements. As such, it is entirely plausible the way he is remembered was designed to support those arrangements.

The right story, at the wrong time

The rhetoric of McGillis' attempted coup centres Gjallarhorn's failure to adhere to its original values, citing unwarranted attacks against civilians and inference in Earth politics. The Seven Stars must be replaced with sincere believers to correct a drift away from what Agnika intended. McGillis outright proclaims his 'revolutionaries' have the truth of Gjallarhorn on their side.

Even if this is a calculated stance designed to rile younger officers into being the army he requires, McGillis' internal monologues reveal a commitment to the ideal of the individual seizing their dreams through sheer personal strength. He seeks not only to prove this is possible, but also to inspire those who cower because “they don't know how to use their fangs” into following his example. From what we see, he has taken Agnika's words – as they were relayed to him – as gospel.

Is his interpretation correct? And if it is, was it what Agnika believed, or simply what it was useful for him to say? McGillis is manipulative, spinning tales to make others do what he wants. Was his idol the same, pre-empting biographical distortions by espousing a finely-tuned message that would reassure the masses while he built a system geared toward curtailing the power of all but a few?

Trick question. There's no answer in the text. As I said, Agnika isn't a character; what he really intended is irrelevant and therefore not present. Yet a distinction must be drawn between what is said publicly and what is said behind the scenes. This is a layering IBO captures via Rustal Elion, McGillis' rival for control of Gjallarhorn, who out-manoeuvres and defeats him. Rustal is a pragmatist unencumbered by quasi-mystic belief in Agnika or some 'true purpose' to Gjallarhorn. He does whatever it takes to best McGillis, casually breaking centuries-old weaponry restrictions and even provoking a fresh war to undermine his opponent's plans – all while presenting as a bastion of lawful rule. Privately, he admits to being 'shady', willing to deal with whomsoever furthers his goals (e.g. Nobliss Gordon, who starts violent uprisings to spur sales of his merchandise). It is this capacity for realpolitik that means Rustal comes out on top.

The narrative does gesture at motivations beyond self-interest. When Rustal reforms Gjallarhorn in the wake of the Seven Stars decimation at McGillis' hand, he abolishes the aristocratic council (of which he is also a member) and replaces it with a more democratic form of governance. That he is immediately elected to the role of supreme commander gives us some reason to doubt his sincerity. Offsetting this, he is also shown to be working towards the abolishment of slavery in his society.

Regardless of his exact degree of progressiveness, however, Rustal appears entirely uninterested in changing what Gjallarhorn is for. See, institutions and social structures have specific purposes, which need not be the ones they claim, via statements or appearances. A capitalist business may claim to exist to provide a product or service, but its actual purpose is the generation of profit. The police may claim to be an institution of citizen protection, but their purpose is the enforcement of the law, which can be detrimental to some or all of those selfsame citizens.

Gjallarhorn's purpose is to control the colonial holdings of the Earth and maintain the current division of the world. They administrate the extraction of resources, quash attempts at social change, and crush resistance to exploitative business practices. Moreover, Rustal is certainly well-aware this is what his job entails. It is his fleet that carries out a calculated massacre of the Dort workers' unions when they push for better conditions and he personally orders an orbital strike on defeated child-soldiers as an exercise in image management. His reforms thus smack more than a little of an army or a weapons manufacturer improving its hiring policies: sure, they now employ women and members of minority groups; they still exist to kill people.

For these kinds of entities, purpose is all-important. You can dress them up however you want, so long as their function continues to be carried out. I bet, when I described my country's persisting aristocratic elements, you immediately went, “that sounds like [mechanics of regional upper class and attendant justifications for social division].” Yes. Precisely. We don't have feudal system holdovers at the centre of our society because they're the most efficient or only means of fulfilling those roles. They're simply the ones that make the most sense at this point in our history. A different environment would necessitate a different form, but the function would remain.

[I am glossing over the mutability of function here – the power of the king has reduced greatly via political and economic shifts, so he's no longer performing quite the same role as his ancestors – but hopefully you get what I mean.]

Rustal's reforms are an illustration of purpose superseding form. At the end of the show, the narration informs us trust in Gjallarhorn has been restored, indicating an end to meaningful opposition to what we have seen it do. Similarly, when Rustal states that the organisation's history matters more than its mythology, he is saying it has largely been operating correctly and should continue to do so in the future. The public claims can be altered, the set-dressing reworked. The function remains.

Poor delusions

Like the British state and its equivalents, Gjallarhorn is draped in heroic, mythological imagery. From uniforms to equipment naming conventions, it presents as grand and noble, even possessing heraldry, as if originating in a gathering of brave knights. We, the audience, know that this is a veneer plastered atop the material reality. Scenes of its foundation are comparatively mundane: sober men wearing drab suits, shaping the future with the stroke of a pen. The dress-up played since is pure embellishment.

McGillis, however, takes the imagery seriously.

His plan hinges on 'awakening' Gundam Bael and being 'accepted' as its new pilot, fulfilling an old rule/tradition whereby whoever possesses this particular mobile suit is the undisputed leader of Gjallarhorn. By taking a disgraced Iznario's place among the Seven Stars, augmenting himself with an Alaya-Vijnana system, and capturing the facility containing Bael, McGillis intends to anoint himself the new Agnika. At a stroke, he believes he will gain the loyalty of all Gjallarhorn forces on Earth and thus the military strength necessary to defeat Rustal's Moon-based Arianrhod Fleet.

For reasons I'll detail another time, I don't think his strategy is necessarily ridiculous. But it doesn't work. The other Seven Stars do not automatically bow down to Bael's new pilot, instead adopting a neutral position awaiting the outcome of the impending battle, and there is no mass uprising among the ranks below them. Since Rustal otherwise commands an overwhelming number of troops, this turns the conclusion into a foregone one. The few who do join McGillis' cause are annihilated and he is forced to retreat, eventually dying in a one-man attack on the Arianrhod flagship.

It must be stressed that McGillis isn't stupid. He is a canny political operator who correctly identifies the biggest obstacles to success, and while his analysis of Gjallarhorn's corruption is deployed principally as a rhetorical tool, he's not wrong. The leadership are complicit in a lot of extremely shady activity, including experimentation with Alaya-Vijnana technology, contravening the taboo against augmentation their ancestors propagated. They do act against their publicly-stated values, to the detriment of ordinary people and in the interests of those who benefit from a hideously exploitative system.

His mistake is to treat this as a bug, rather than the feature we might more correctly diagnose it to be. Within The Life of Agnika Kaieru, McGillis believes he has discovered the hidden truth about Gjallarhorn. He imagines by setting Agnika aside, the Seven Stars obfuscated mechanisms to curtail their authority and an ethos more welcoming to people like him. (There is a lot we could discuss about the ways McGillis is immunised against some forms of bigotry by his station, despite his illegitimate status, and how he exploits more disadvantaged soldiers like Ein Dalton and Isurugi Camice for his own ends. It's just, that'd be another two thousand words and I really need to wrap this up.)

Yet if we follow Rustal's advice and heed history, the timeline shown in Season 1 has Gjallarhorn dolling out sections of Mars to the blocs a mere three years after the Calamity War ended. Among the many things we don't know about Agnika is if he survived the War, but whether he did or not, his organisation pretty instantly became a tool of social division and exploitation. The most we may allow is that its original purpose was truly noble. Its actions once the apocalypse had been averted speak for themselves.

This has been long walk, I suppose, for the fairly succinct summary of McGillis as a character who rejects private truth in favour of embracing a public, propagandising lie. I am compelled by the idea even so. Capitalism is far from the only system to have claimed universal virtue while benefitting merely a select few, but it has gone uniquely hard on the idea 'you can make it too'. Given IBO's uncluttered depictions of a world run for profit (with the complicity of ostensibly non-capitalistic institutions), taking a cynical read on Agnika's supposed ideology is trivial. Human triumphalism and Gjallarhorn conceptualised as the arbiter of fair competition dovetail into the show's unjust present in a manner too neat to discount. More than anything else, the choice McGillis makes is a common one in real life.

Sometimes, that's a positive thing, pushing people to insist on making promises come true to the detriment of the swindler proffering them. Others, it is a source of profound disorientation, leading in very dark directions as blame for the dissonance is attributed to anything but the root cause.

[This seems is as good a juncture as any to remark that McGillis is not a proponent of anything we can easily label fascistic. He focuses on individual freedom irrespective of national identity; he is attacking people genuinely perpetuating his world's ills; and he definitely doesn't bother courting a disaffected public by playing to middle-class anxieties. He doesn't need to. His plan is to enact a coup from high up inside a military hierarchy, while promising to lessen the force exerted against society. Though there are links to be traced between his ideology and fascist rhetoric, it isn't the avenue his circumstances compel him to go down.]

[I am 100% certain he would've gone in that direction if they had, but that's a counterfactual, not what the show actually presents.]

How McGillis got to where he did is another of IBO's many examples of adaptations to extremis that look utterly bonkers when seen at a remove. An outsider, thrust into the realm of a vicious upper class, he accurately declared the whole thing a nest of lies and hypocrisy. He could never buy the pretences it sold, to others and to itself. His very existence was damning disproof. Then, at his lowest ebb, he found a story about what it should be and that – that he bought, hook, line and sinker.

Already primed to consider power the be-all and end-all of life, he took Agnika's story as a guide to gaining the upper-hand, going so far as to tell Rustal (then a young adult) that the only thing he now desired was Bael. Though it seems he lapsed into a wait-and-see approach between prepubescence and his mid-twenties, witnessing children from Mars fighting using Gundams makes him believe destiny is taking a hand in events and the time has come to act. He betrays Carta and Gaelio, his two closest friends, both heirs to other Seven Star families, for the sake of clearing his path forwards. These were the first people to treat him like a normal child and he admits with his dying breath that he reciprocated their affection. This was part of why he killed/attempted to kill them: in their company, he started losing the will to pursue his dream, put off guard by finally having something positive in his life. So he chose to violently reject them, unable to give up on what he'd started.

That could easily be McGillis' epitaph. He is characterised by an overwhelming commitment to seeing through his power-grab, even if it means fighting an entire fleet to go personally kill Rustal. This is very far from a sane response and we might say likewise about everything he does prior. From his gleeful divinations at the sight of ancient relics, to his rapturous exultation on activating a machine he knows just required the appropriate brain/computer interface, the personality lurking beneath his habitually polite mask is little short of unhinged.

Which is of a piece with a group of teenage orphans clinging tight to the idea a good life lies just beyond the next battle, having internalised that proving their strength is the only way to survive. McGillis has to think taking on Agnika's mantle will bring him what he wishes, because otherwise his actions have been for nought, nothing can be changed, and the misery he endured is inescapable. It's the same self-reinforcing spiral, turned up to eleven.

(Re)imagining the world

In the final outcome, Iron-Blooded Orphans refutes McGillis' individualism, albeit not without caveat. Destabilising the Seven Stars creates space for incremental change and self-interestedly assisting independence activists lays the groundwork for Mars' eventual freedom from Earth. McGillis does create a “storm in this stagnant world,” with lasting consequences regardless of how swiftly it subsides. Nonetheless, his death is a futile one compared to the other causalities during the finale, who all manage to make their last acts count for something. Where Tekkadan share a mutually-supporting community – they are a 'pack of wolves' – he stands alone and saves nothing of what mattered to him.

As I said above, I don't want to treat IBO as a story solely and absolutely about capitalism. In a similar vein, I'm not trying to position an interpretation of Agnika as a vector for capitalist propaganda as the intended one. There are multiple moving parts here, spinning out from that serious consideration of child-soldiers as more than just a trope in fiction aimed at teenagers. My read on those parts is contextualised by my cultural background (I do now want to look into how Japan's own aristocracy mutated with their forced induction into global capitalism).

At the same time, McGillis indisputably misapprehends how a structure within a capitalist environment works because he wants to believe a version of what says about itself. And The Life of Agnika Kaieru is an artefact of that environment. Even without knowing more about its authorship, publication or veracity, and setting aside what McGillis brings to the table (his desire for power was set years before he'd heard of Agnika), the fact he finds it in Iznario's library speaks volumes. Biographies are not neutral objects. As alluded to above, the act of public remembrance shapes culture and hence society. I think it both reasonable and interesting to look at McGillis' arc with the assumption the book is ultimately commensurate with everything he was reacting against.

What would have happened had McGillis won is another moot question when the narrative hinges specifically on his failure. But a land of competition, overseen by the supreme authority of Gjallarhorn, where the only moral law derives from the dreams of the strong?

Perhaps the most damning thing to be said of McGillis' principles – of Agnika's principles – is that they would produce a world functionally identical to the one we started with.

———

Postscript:

For the sake of absolute clarity, I do not believe whether a story is about capitalism or not has any bearing on its quality. My discussion of the other Gundam shows is intended purely to highlight what I see as a fundamental difference between what they are doing and what IBO is. I don't think it is a problem that G-Witch is a personal/courtly drama, or that Wing is focused on fighting in a more philosophical than material sense, or that the franchise has overall tended towards addressing conflict per se, without any serious interrogation from an economic angle.

Stories can only fail at what they attempt, not at what they don't.

I nevertheless stand by what I said. A piece of fiction concerned merely with some generalised notion of 'human greed' is not about capitalism in any meaningful sense, and I fear that's where most Gundam shows land, one way or another, when they touch on corporate interests.

[Index of other writing]

[aikoiya]

DP x MLP - Cutie Mark

If Danny were a pony, his mark as a pony would be the constellation Orion, because it is regarded as both a protector & hunter. He’d have a white coat with a black splot on his flank like Luna & his cutie mark would be inside of the splot.

It'd be a subtle nod to his true destiny.

Meanwhile, his ghost form's cutie mark would be the Orion constellation in reverse. His coat would turn pitch black (noticably the exact same shade of black as the splot on his flank when a pony, except his ghost form doesn't have a splot) with white 'socks' up to his first knee joint, a white muzzle with a strip up his forehead, slit irises, sharp, long canines, a curved, black horn, & a pair of wings much like Nightmare Moon's had been (despite being feathered, they were shaped like bat wings), & his logo in the center of his chest, right where a horse's heart is. See, a horse's heart is at the front & center of their chest.

The form he'd take as a ghost would be a "Horned half-Thestral," which, Thestrals are an ancient & mythological race of ponies that you can only see if you've witnessed or been touched by death or are near death yourself. If you happen to see a nearby Thestral while you are near death, if you recover, the ability to see them will remain, but ONLY if you just so happen to see one during that time. They are carnivorous, but can vasilate when they are low on certain nutrients that one can't normally find from meat. Though, so do horses for that matter. An animal is only as herbivorous as it's options after all.

They are slightly skeletal-looking, so they are often looked upon with fear despite Thestrals being inherently gentle by nature. Due to Equestria's passive & peaceful lifestyle, as well as the increasing lack of need to seak out meat for nutrients, fewer ponies see death as often as they used to.

As a result, Thestrals have mostly vanished & are thought to be just a myth.

Some of the Thestral traits would carry over to his living side, giving him sharp & pronounced canines (if not as obvious as in ghost form) & making him omnivorous like a Changeling. However, in a situation where he'd always been a pony, this would cause him some distress as now he'd require meat in his diet for nutritional purposes, whereas before his pony form would've been vasilated herbivorous. Meaning herbivorous until he runs outta options, but since he's always had options, it'd come as a shock.

Though, in a situation where he'd simply been teleported to Equestria, he'd only see it as a problem if other ponies saw him eating meat, at which point he'd realize, "Oh, wait. Horses are prey animals & herbivorous. Shit." Either way, he'd have to get used to actively hunting & cooking his own meat at night when everyone (minus Luna & the Night Guard) is asleep. (I can definitely see him becoming a local criptid of sorts.)

In situations where he's defeated Pariah, Danny's cutie mark gains the constellation "Corona Borealis" atop the hunter's head in both forms as being non-ghost for a moment doesn't just suddenly stop the fact that he's now first in-line to be King of Ghosts. Corona Borealis being the Crown.

Or... it could be that he always had the Corona Borealis as part of his cutie mark because it was his literal destiny & he just never understood why it was there when Orion & the Corona Borealis aren't together in the actual sky. Until he learns that he's now considered the Crown Prince of Ghosts, then the reason for the Crown's presence hits him like his dad's driving!

Either way, if he was always a pony, then initially both forms would be the same race, but upon defeating Pariah, Danny's ghost form becomes an Alicorn with his pony form remaining the same until his core had fully matured/he reaches age 25. At which point, his pony form would also become an Alicorn, just with a different aesthetic.

And, because I like the idea of Danny growing up to be as tall as his dad & Dan, as a pony I think that he could potentially grow to a height of somewhere between Big Mac & Troubleshoes.

However, if he's still 14 in the moment, he's sort of got the skinny-legged, gangly look that young Big Mac has in Applejack's flashback in "Cutie Mark Chronicles" & that young Applejack herself had going in "Where the Apple Lies."

So, older than the CMC.

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 3: Roses Are Falling

Read on Ao3

-

Steve’s hand was sweaty in Billy’s as he pulled him through the crowds in the fairground, ducking and weaving between the people milling about. 

Billy let himself be dragged, staring at Steve’s ass in his little denim shorts. 

It had been one week since their date at the diner. 

A week of Billy showing up to the rodeo, watching Steve compete in his event, and making out with him behind the arena. 

It was fun, sneaking around together in the blazing summer heat. 

He had even brought Max a few times, letting her wander around with some chick her own age she met. Apparently, her dad works at the rodeo or someshit. Billy wasn’t listening when she explained. Steve had been across the arena, taking off his flannel shirt and trading it for another one of his slutty little crop tops. 

It was a gorgeous show. 

But Max was somewhere eating her body weight in funnel cake while Steve took him into a tent labeled Employees Only. 

There was an eclectic group of people sitting at the long tables in the tent, all greeting Steve as he pulled Billy through to a group of younger people sitting together at the end of one of the tables. 

Steve pushed Billy onto one of the benches, perching right on his lap like that was totally fine. Like it was easy for Billy to just. Keep his dick in check. 

The girl sitting across from them sighed heavily, raising one eyebrow at Steve. 

“Shut up, Robin.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she was still giving Steve a very pointed look. 

“You don’t have to.” Steve slumped back against Billy’s chest, no doubt petulant. 

She shook her head, finally addressing Billy. 

“I’m Robin.”

“She does barrel racing,” Steve leaned back, muttering the information into Billy’s ear. His breath was hot against Billy’s skin, and Billy had to fight down a shiver that crept up his spine despite the blazing heat.

Another girl was sitting next to Robin, a pretty brunette with doe eyes to rival Steve’s. She seemed vaguely familiar. 

And then it clicked. 

“Aren’t you in the pageants?”

She laughed softly.

“My name’s Heather. And yes, I’m reigning Miss Rodeo USA, so I’ve been with these guys and will be until the next girl is crowned. It’s been a good time.” She glanced over at Robin, bumping their shoulders together. Billy raised one eyebrow at Robin, catching her eye and making her flush slightly. He shot her a quick wink. 

Steve shifted in his lap, putting one arm over Billy’s shoulders, winding his fingers through his little ponytail. 

“So, Billy,” Robin tried to move the conversation along, rolling her shoulders back. “We’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“All bad, I hope.” 

“Nah, just, I feel like I know you quite well know. Like, really well. Like better than I ever wanted to know a guy-”

“Okay, yeah, Robin. We get it. Thanks.” Steve squirmed slightly in Billy’s lap, the back of his neck and the tips of his ears a bright red color. It was cute. Billy didn’t realize when Steve’s cheeks went all pink, that, other, places of him flushed too. He wondered how far down that rosy tint on Steve’s cheeks went. If it was all over his chest, if it leads down to his-

Nope. Not going there right now. Not when Steve is sitting on Billy’s lap, and they’re in fucking public. Absolutely not. No thanks. Billy’s fine. 

Robin squinted at him, and he tried to keep his face as blank as possible. 

Steve sighed heavily through his nose, shaking his head. 

“I’m getting a pop. Anyone else?”

Robin waved him off, and he was gone with a roll of his eyes. 

“So, you’re the poor San Diego bastard. My condolences.”

Billy squinted at her. 

“Not sure what you mean.” 

She took a deep breath, looking at Heather briefly. 

“Look. You know this little fling is just that. A little fling. Steve, he kinda, does this. Finds someone in every place we’re stationed, and has a month-long something with them. He loves attention but he’s too scared of commitment to do anything else. And honestly, I’m saying this all for your sake, because I’ve seen people get attached. He’s gonna eat you alive, and then he’s gonna leave, and it’s easier for you if you know that going in.”

Robin’s words settled like a fucking pit in Billy’s stomach. 

Because, yeah. He, like, kinda figured that. He knew their time was limited. Knew that Steve would slip through his fingers. And really, that was fine. Billy thinks he’d be the exact same way if the roles were reversed, that he would be constantly moving from one person to the next, never getting lonely, but never getting deep, either. 

He understands the whole commitment-phobe thing. Kinda takes one to know one. 

So he gets it. 

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like shit to have it put. So plainly.

“I’m sorry. That was probably too harsh but, you seem like a nice guy, and Steve doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s not trying to hurt people, he just, definitely uses the whole traveling rodeo thing to his advantage.”

“Nah, I get it. Really, I kinda figured it out. He said he likes to make friends wherever they are. So, it’s fine. And I think sometimes harsh can be alright.” He doesn’t wanna make Steve’s friend feel bad. 

And really, he did know what they were doing and what this was about. It just sucks having it confirmed by someone else. And put. So plainly. 

“I’m really not trying to be mean. I just kinda wanted to prepare you. If this is gonna be something that hurts, maybe it’s best to get out now.” Robin had very pretty blue eyes and freckles all over her face. She seemed warm, and the way she was staring at him was with so much concern. 

“Thank you. I get it, honest. I’d probably act just the same if I were him.”

“If you were who?” Steve had returned, slapping a can of root beer on the table in front of them, taking a seat pressed as close as possible to Billy, lifting up his arm to slide underneath it. 

“Quit being nosy.” Robin reached out to muss up Steve’s hair, poking him in the forehead. “What are you two doing today?”

Steve shrugged, taking the bait and moving on. 

“Wander the grounds. Maybe hang out at my place.” Billy’s interest piqued. He had no idea Steve had a place. “Might sneak out and go for a drive or something. You got any preference?” Steve leaned over the table, resting his elbows on top, placing his face in his hands, turning to look at Billy. 

“We could kick around here. I gotta drive Max home later so we should probably stick around.” Steve grinned at him. 

“Well, c’mon then. You’ve got plenty to see around here.”

Billy felt like Steve has already dragged through the entire grounds, he doesn’t know how there’s more to see. 

But it turned out there’s a lot more. Because Steve’s place, as it turns out, is one in a huge crowd of trailers. 

It was kinda out of Billy’s wildest imagination. Like what he’d picture an old-school traveling circus to be like. 

People were milling around everywhere, Steve saying hi to almost everyone they passed. Animals were being led to and from the large arena and the makeshift paddocks that were set up in the open grass. 

It was like nowhere Billy’s ever been before. 

Steve led him through the maze of trailers to a smaller version of an old school Airstream near the back of the lot, still hitched up to the back of a much larger, and very nice-looking, RV. 

Stevie Harrington was painted in curling dark green letters on the rounded metal door, a little cow munching on some grass painted below it.

“That your art?”

Steve snorted.

“ God, no. Robin did it for me a few years ago. That’s why it looks good.”

The hinges on the door squealed when he pulled it open and led Billy inside. 

It was hot in the airstream, and Steve turned on the solar power to get a small fan moving air through the place, propping open the door and the tiny window above the table.

“Home sweet traveling home.”

“Damn. This ain’t too bad of a setup.”

It really wasn’t. Sure, it was small, but it was perfect for one person. A tiny kitchenette faced the minuscule bathroom. The far sides of the trailer were taken up by a dining area, a table with booth-like seating, and a queen-sized bed taking up the opposite side, a small closet smushed between the bed and the kitchen.  

It was immaculately clean, not totally what Billy had expected from Steve. The bed was made, an old-looking, worn-out stuffed horse placed neatly in front of the pillows. 

There were pictures pinned up on little string light clothespins on the wall the bed was shoved against, and Steve even had a few posters over the booth seats. 

“It’s kinda nice. I saved up for a while to buy it. It’s kind of a lot being trapped in an RV with your parents, let me tell you. I’m still hooked up to theirs, and when we move I ride with them, usually, but at least I’ve got some space to myself.” Steve looked down at his feet. “Plus, I kinda figured, this is about as close as I’ll ever come to living on my own.”

“I really do like it. You’ve made it real nice in here.”

Steve looked back up to him, smiling proudly. 

“We don’t have to like, hang out in here. I just thought I’d welcome you in. To like, say, you know, if you’re ever around but don’t wanna hang out doing the same rodeo shit all the time, we could, like, spend some time in here.” Steve’s cheeks were going red. 

And Billy was fairly certain he knew where this was going. 

So he took the metaphorical bull by the horns, and wrapped his fingers in Steve’s literal belt loops, and pulled him close enough that their lips could touch. 

And apparently, Billy was right. Because Steve kissed him back immediately, and fervently, sliding his arms over Billy’s shoulders and pressing into him enough to move Billy back a few steps until his knees hit the bed, and he fell to sit on it. 

Steve wasted no time climbing on his lap, kneeling straddling Billy, pressed together as close as possible. 

Steve broke the kiss, his chest heaving as he breathed heavily and Billy attached himself to Steve’s neck, leaving wet kisses in his path down the long column of his throat. 

“God, fuck. Can we-”

“ Yeah. Yeah, Baby,” Billy was breathless as he replied, getting both hands under Steve’s ass and flipping their position in one fluid motion, getting Steve on his back, his legs wrapped around Billy’s waist. 

“Get the door.”

Billy pressed a long sucking kiss to Steve’s neck before pulling away, slamming the door closed as Steve drew the blinds on the window above the bed and turned on the air conditioning unit in the ceiling.

“It’s gonna get super fucking hot in here if we fuck.”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

Steve laughed at Billy, rolling back to lay properly on the bed, taking his stuffed horse and tossing it on the table behind Billy. 

“I don’t want her to have to see this.”

“Fine by me.” Billy was back on him in a second, pushing his hands up Steve’s shirt, yanking it off him as fast as possible. 

Steve was so fucking gorgeous. 

He had a light tan all over his body, with definite paler parts where his shirts usually sit. 

And he was fit. His muscles weren’t as bulky as Billy’s, but he was obviously strong. 

Billy leaned over him, tasting the salt on his skin as Steve began fumbling with the buttons of Billy’s shirt, pushing it off his shoulders so roughly one of the shoulder seams groaned, threatening to rip. 

Billy took that as his cue to pull away from Steve again, shedding his shirt and kicking off his shoes, helping Steve out of his little short shorts. 

He was wearing this excellent pair of boots, deep red with white embroidered stitching covering the boot. 

Steve leaned forward, moving to pull off the boots.

“Wait, no. Leave ‘em on.”

Steve looked at him.

“You call me a hick all the fuckin’ time, and now you’re here saying you wanna fuck me in my boots.”

“It’s hot. You’re like the chick from Footloose .”

“Aren’t you gay?”

“Hot is hot, Steve.” 

Steve huffed a laugh, putting his leg back down, letting Billy settle between both of them. 

“So, are we gonna talk about the girl in an eighties movie, or are you going to fuck me through this mattress?”

“Alright, bossy. You got lube?”

Steve huffed, poking Billy’s chest until he moved off him. 

Steve sat up, crawling to the end of the bed, digging through the laundry in the hamper for the bottle of lube. 

Billy stared at him. 

Mostly, he was just staring at his asshole. It was so perfect and pink, and looked buttery and soft. 

And Jesus, he really just wanted to lick it, to get his face buried between Steve’s cheeks and go to town on the pretty pink furl of muscle. 

And, well, what’s stopping him? 

Absolutely nothing.

He got up, following Steve’s path until he was behind him, taking each cheek in one hand. 

Steve froze where he was digging through the laundry, Billy’s breath puffing between his cheeks. 

“What are you-” 

And then Billy licked up his crack, his tongue dragging all the way up from his balls, flicking once against his hole. 

“ Billy .” Steve spread his legs, pushing his hips back into Billy’s face, wordlessly asking for more. 

So Billy gave it to him. 

He opened his mouth, licking all around his rim, pressing his tongue just slightly inside, sucking on the soft pink flesh, making Steve’s breath hitch and whines pour out of his mouth. 

“Fuck, you’re good at that.”

Billy responded by pulling back, and spitting on Steve’s hole. 

Steve was taken by surprise, if his soft gasp was anything to go by. He dropped his head against the bed, biting onto the blanket. 

Billy just kept going, using his lips and tongue and teeth, opening him up and getting him wet. 

“Fuck, Billy, please just fuck me. I want you so bad .” Steve’s voice was pitchy and breathy, muffled in the blanket. 

He was grinding his hips forward and back, pressing himself against Billy’s tongue. 

Like he wanted nothing more than he wanted Billy’s tongue in his ass right then. 

And Billy certainly wasn’t complaining, not at how fucking nice and soft his asshole was against his tongue, how he tasted kinda clean and kinda musky at the same time. It was heady and Billy would happily spend the rest of his stupid life with his face buried between Steve’s cheeks. 

Something smacked against the top of Billy’s head, and he pulled away briefly to find a bottle of lube on the bed, the one that Steve had no doubt tossed over his shoulder and accidentally accosted Billy with. 

“That fuckin’ hit me in the head, you piece a’ shit.”

“I don’t care,” Steve whined, pushing his hips back even further, spreading himself out more and more for Billy to hungrily take in. “Just finger me and fuck me !”

“Bossy.”

Steve huffed, shifting his head around until he could look back at Billy, his brows pinched in a little scowl, giving Billy a dirty look that was equal parts adorable pout and sexy scowl. He looked like the grumpiest little slut. 

And Billy indulged him, squeezing out a big glob of lube, meticulously coating his first two fingers with it. 

“I know what I like, and I get what I like.”

“Jesus, I thought all them girls were the rodeo queens. Not you .”

“I’m the queen of getting my fucking way. Now for the love of God, put your fingers in me.”

And Billy couldn’t do anything but indulge him. 

He began with just one finger, sliding it slowly and deliberately down to the last knuckle. 

Steve sighed as Billy’s finger entered him, relaxing his upper body into the bed, somehow canting his hips up even more, his back arched as much as Billy’s ever fuckin’ seen. 

So Billy took a chance, pumping his finger in and out a few times, pulling it nearly all the way out, only to replace it with both fingers. He moved slowly, simply fucking Steve with his fingers for a moment, watching Steve as he crooked his fingers downward. 

And Steve moaned, and it was like he became a puddle. All his muscles relaxing and unwinding as Billy curled his fingers, pressing deeply against his prostate, rubbing tiny circles into the small bundle of nerves. 

“God, Bill. That feels so fucking good,” Steve said through a throaty moan. Billy was slowly moving his fingers in and out of Steve, pressing down into that wonderful spot each time he was buried all the way to the knuckle. “Add another. Please, I want you in me.”

Billy had to palm himself to relieve some of the pressure of his own dick, flushed red and oh so painful where it was hard against his stomach. 

But he did as Steve told him to do, drawing out his two fingers to press in a third. 

There was something of a shift in the sticky airstream. As those three thick fingers sank into Steve, it was as though both boys agreed to move faster. Steve began pushing his hips back and forth, fucking himself on Billy’s fingers, matching the steady pace Billy had set with his hand. 

Billy was tugging his fingers in and out, pushing into Steve’s prostate with each movement, the lube creating a squelching noise as they picked up the pace. 

And finally, Steve had enough. 

He moved his hips forward, sitting back on his heels to look at Billy over his shoulder. 

His face was flushed, his bangs sticking to his forehead with sweat, his pupils blown wide, making his already dark eyes seem nearly black. He tossed Billy a condom, and Billy caught it against his heaving chest. 

Steve’s breath caught as Billy ripped open the condom wrapper with his teeth, looking like some kinda fuckin’ animal, rolling it onto himself with a practiced hand.

“Billy, I fucking want you-”

Billy cut him off by pressing himself against Steve’s back, kissing him harshly as he felt him up, his hands roving, touching every bit of Steve he could possibly manage. 

Steve had his own mission, reaching awkwardly behind him to take Billy’s stiff cock in hand, fumbling slightly as he lined up the flushed head of his dick with his slicked-up hole, teasing himself before urging Billy to push on in. 

Their lips lost touch from one another the second Billy began moving his hips forward, their moans mingling in the space between them. 

“God, fuck, Stevie.” Billy could hardly control himself. He so wanted to let loose, start fucking wildly into the tight heat of Steve’s body, take him as hard and fast as possible. 

He let his hands drop down and settle on Steve’s hips. He could feel the firm muscles tensing under his hands, like Steve was barely keeping himself from rocking back to fuck himself harder and faster on Billy’s cock. 

And that’s what pushed Billy over the edge. 

He pushed Steve forward until he was back in position, face down, ass up. His hands gripped Steve’s hips hard enough to leave bruises, and Jesus, Billy hoped to fucking God Steve had dark marks in the shape of Billy’s fingers for days and days. And he let himself go for it. 

Steve was making these breathy, punched-out noises, like with every harsh thrust of Billy’s hips, all the air in his lungs was being forced right out of him. 

Billy was slamming them together, pulling Steve’s hips back as he surged his own forward, pulling out almost entirely each time. He was relentless, taking Steve like a goddamn animal right there on the once neat bed. 

Neither of them was going to last long, they both knew it. 

Billy had taken so much time opening Steve up with his lips and tongue and fingers, Steve wouldn’t even be shocked if he came completely untouched, falling apart with only the attentions Billy has granted to his hole. 

Until Billy reached around him with his left hand, still gripping Steve’s body with his right. 

He took hold of Steve’s leaking cock, brushing his thumb over the slit to collect some of the glistening precum, drawing his hand tightly down the shaft, moving at an agonizingly slow pace compared to the buck of his hips, keeping Steve on the edge of something, making everything way too much and definitely not enough. 

And there was nothing Steve could do. 

He felt fucking helpless as Billy pounded him. It was taking all his energy not to just melt into the mattress at this point and let Billy have his way with him. 

But Billy was getting close, too close to keep this game up for much longer. 

He sped up the movement of his hand, his fist beginning to pump faster and faster over Steve’s aching cock. He wanted him to finish first, wanted to watch as Steve writhed and moaned about. 

It didn’t take long. Less than a minute of Billy jerking Steve as quick and rough as he was fucking him, and Steve was spilling out onto the blanket below him, nearly yelling out while his hips convulsed and his fingers twisted until he had a white knuckle grip on the blanket. 

Billy could only just hang on, fuck and jerk Steve through it, only letting his grip on his cock go a little slack when Steve finally relaxed a bit below him. 

Billy pulled out, snapping off the condom and taking his dick in hand, finishing himself off all over Steve’s lower back, watching his thick cum drip down the slope of his ass. 

“ Fuck. You’re so hot,” Billy said, totally in awe. Steve was even hotter than normal wearing nothing but his bright red boots and Billy’s spunk. 

Billy took a cloth from the tiny bathroom, getting it a little wet to wipe the cum off of Steve as he lay stretched like a cat on the small bed. 

“Thank God I don’t have to ride tomorrow, I don’t think I’ll be able to sit, let alone get in a saddle.” He threw a wink over his shoulder at Billy, bending his knees to let his feet kick up behind him, crossing his ankles in the red boots. 

“We should make the best of our good fortune, then. I’ve got a few more rounds in me.”

“Billy Hargrove, you fuckin’ devil .”

[terrm9]

The Ray Women

Ethan and Chiara visit her family in San Francisco for the first time.

Set in the renovations period between Book 2 and Book 3.

This is the fourth part of the mini series The Couple & the Others. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 can be found here.

Words count: 4 200

Author’s note: The final part is here! I do not think I have much to say, other than THANK YOU to Ruby @starrystarrytrouble​ for this beautiful moodboard and for reading the last part back then!

Warnings: mention of death (it’s Chiara’s background, there is no way I could have avoided that), other than that fluff

Ethan let out a long exhale as soon as they stepped out of the airport hall and he felt the first rays of San Francisco sun on his skin.

There were several reasons why he never considered to leave Boston and its reasonable climate was most definitely big part of those reasons. Boston was... normal. Bearable. San Francisco was hot and the wind was barely there and the sun was too bright and-

He turned his head to look at Chiara and decided to snap his mouth shut before he could mutter something about the hell being colder.

Chiara, with the wide smile on her face and eyes closed, the whole face turned up to absorb as many of those annoying rays as possible, looked exactly as she should at the moment. Like she was finally home.

It was no secret that Chiara loved warm weather and complained about the one in Boston for the good part of the year („How does your ass not freeze in this damn city?“) and until this moment, Ethan didn’t really think about it. But now, the situation was reversed and only now he realized that he would most likely never agree to live in San Francisco, because he wouldn’t bear the heat.

And Chiara was undoubtedly dedicated to stay with him in Boston, even though she could hardly bear the cold.

„Why are you staring at me?“ she opened her eyes suddenly and tilted her head slightly to get a better look at Ethan.

Deciding not to get into discussion about weather and how it spoke volumes about the difference between them – especially not now, when Diana was about to come to pick them up any minute – Ethan answered with a statement that was not at all untrue.

„Because you are beautiful.“

Chiara let out an amused laugh at that and squeezed the hand she was holding, but it didn’t escape Ethan’s notice that her cheeks flushed and not from the shining sun.

The moment of silence and unspoken confessions between them was quickly interrupted by a delighted shriek coming from behind them and arms – bare arms that didn’t look bare because of the tattoo sleeves decorating them, Ethan noticed - wrapped around Chiara’s shoulders just a moment after.

„Alicia!“ Chiara screamed when she turned around and hugged her sister tightly, the moment lasting long enough for Ethan to absorb the only Ray he hasn’t yet had a chance to meet.

Chiara talked about her younger sister a lot ever since they agreed to visit San Francisco – or rather, she warned him about Alicia.

„She is wild.“

„Should that surprise me?“ Ethan didn’t even bother to look up from his medical journal. „She is your sister.“

„Oh no, you don’t get it. She is really wild. Alicia is the copy of my mother, the exact younger version of her. And she is... she is out of this world. The laws of nature do not apply to her. She is loud and gestures too much and speaks her mind too freely and she doesn’t walk, she bounces and she... she is wild, Ethan.“

And it went like this for weeks. Even the flight from Boston was filled with Chiara’s occasional „please do not be surprised“ and „it is who she is, it is nothing personal“.

Ethan met Diana once before, although the circumstances were so tense they both tried to forget it. Chiara was fighting for her life and the whole hospital was fighting to find a cure in time – and Diana flew to Boston, her voice shaking and eyes wide and she pleaded, begged Ethan to save her daughter because she wouldn’t survive losing another child.

Neither of them wanted the first meeting to be that way, but life had its own way in creating surprises and so Ethan knew that Chiara inherited her mother’s hair but not her eyes‘ color, he knew what her voice sounded like and that she loved her children more than life.

All that Diana remembered about Ethan from those three days she spent in Boston back in November was that his voice was soothing and calm while his eyes were terrified and just as pleading as her words and that he managed to save her little girl.

Chiara didn’t lie when she said that Alicia was a copy of Diana – her hair, just as Chiara’s – were the color of a summer sky seven minutes before the sun set completely, but unlike her mother’s or sister’s, hers were not falling on her shoulders in soft waves. Her hair were much longer, falling almost to her waist in dozens of dreadlocks. Several piercings on her face – her lower lip, her eyebrow and her nose – attracted attention and Ethan had to fight his sudden urge to ask her if the upper part of her body is hot and her feet are cold when he noticed her outfit, made of a tank top and high-waisted shorts combined with black leather boots.

She is barely 20, he kept telling himself, an obvious explanation of the difference in their points of view. And she is wild, as Chiara reminded him so many times.

„So you must be the famous Dr. Ramsey, huh?“ Alicia turned to Ethan so fast he almost didn’t manage to look away from her. „Nice to finally meet you... in person.“

She winked at Chiara at that, earning herself an annoyed glare from Chiara, something Ethan wasn’t used to seeing often.

„Ethan is just fine,“ Ethan nodded, shaking Alicia’s hand – as impossible as it felt, even smaller than Chiara’s. „It is very nice to meet you too, Alicia.“

Alicia didn’t even try to be subtle as she took Ethan in and he tried his best to hold her gaze, to not give her any reason to doubt him as the right person for Chiara.

Finally, Alicia sighed dramatically, the sound that startled Ethan visibly, as he had not a single clue of what that sigh was supposed to mean – did he disappoint her already?

„Mom was supposed to pick you up but she had some work to finish in the atelier, so she sent me.“

She turned on her heel at that and without sparing as much as another glance, led the couple to her car.

And saying that Ethan was nervous would be an enormous understatement.

*** *** ***

Whether Alicia set up some kind of test on Ethan and he passed or she was just trying to make him feel uncomfortable – knowing rather well that nobody else would – and it stopped being fun, Ethan didn’t know. He knew, however, that there was no trace of tension or hostility in Alicia’s behavior from the moment they stepped into the house.

By the time Diana came home and joined them, Ethan has seen the whole spectrum of Chiara’s annoyed glares, along with her embarassing teen-years photos and love letters she wrote to Milo Ventimiglia when she was eleven, believing that he would read them one day.

„She‘s always had a thing for older men,“ Alicia winked at Ethan at some point and part of him wanted to feel embarassed, but it took one look into Chiara’s diary filled with Keanu + Chiara or Chiara Reeves notes and yes, Alicia was right.

Chiara has always had a thing for older men. (And he should be glad.)

Sitting in a cosy living room, Ethan didn’t feel uncomfortable, not in the slightest. He felt welcomed and overly happy that he finally had something to tease Chiara with in return.

The room was bright and filled with so many photos, Ethan felt like in an art gallery for a moment. There were pictures on the ledge of a fireplace, on the walls and on every shelf. Pictures of babies and toddlers and kids, all with the same red hair and wide smiles; wedding pictures of Chiara’s parents; pictures of a man Ethan never got to know but recognized in an instant, the greenness in his eyes so well imprinted to Ethan’s mind, as Dorian’s oldest daughter was the only child to inherit the colour.

Pictures of a happy family, of a family Ethan so long wished to have and that was took away from him at the age of eleven. With an ache squeezing his heart, he realized that Alicia was barely thirteen when the happiness of their family was taken away from her. Just a child, just as he was all those years ago.

„Dorian would love to talk to you, if he was here,“ Diana smiled at Ethan, breaking his thoughts.

„He would?“

„I am sure,“ she nodded, the smile not – never – leaving her face. „He always missed a rational brain in this house – I am an artist with my body and my soul, my head always somewhere far away, ignoring the basic laws of this world. He would be so delighted to talk about science and medicine with you and I am sure by the end of your stay, he would just nod and nod and say „A good man, this one“, without even trying to give you the typical talk about his precious daughter deserving only the best,“ she laughed at that and Ethan tried to laugh too, but the lump in his throat made the task impossibly hard.

It has been seven years in which the Ray women had to learn to live their lives without Dorian and Liam, but the way they talked about them today, with so much love and gratitude, it made Ethan feel as if they never truly left the house.

„Yes, and I would just ask him something like Dad, aren’t you gonna fight for me?, and he would just laugh and tell me that he didn’t buy Dr. Ramsey’s book all those years ago just to scare him off now,“ Chiara chuckled.

After exchanging some more stories of Chiara’s childhood, Diana decided to start cooking a dinner and just as she was leaving the room, she said: „You kids stay here and catch up some more,“ which was an innocent statement, truly, but it left Ethan feeling rather awkward – was he supposed to leave with her or did she count him as a kid too? Considering the fact that his age was closer to Diana’s than Alicia’s, he could hardly be sure about anything.

In the end, he stayed with the sisters that seemed like they were not physically capable of not talking, the only moment of silence falling over the room when Alicia left to make them all a coffee.

But it didn’t last long and for a moment Ethan wondered if Chiara has talked that much naturally and only learned to control herself around him.

Was he changing her personality?

„I met Marc the other day,“ Alicia spoke again while handing Chiara her coffee, her tone light.

Ethan felt his jaw tense at the mention of Chiara’s ex boyfriend name and despite himself, he held his breath while waiting to see Chiara’s reaction.

„You did?“ Chiara asked with her eyebrow raised, sipping the hot beverage slowly. „How is he?“

„Handsome as always,“ Alicia smirked, sighing dramatically again. At this point, it didn’t even startle Ethan anymore. „He still looks like Harry Styles with those long hair.“

Ethan has never heard the name Harry Styles before but seeing Chiara’s amused grin and the way she just playfully bumped Alicia’s shoulder with hers – and that was the only reaction she gave away at Alicia’s description of her handsome ex – Ethan slowly, subtly took his phone out of his pocket and seeing that the Ray sisters paid him no attention, he decided to do his research on who the famous Marc resembled.

Harry Styles was... young. And rather good looking. With the dark hair and bright eyes, it would be easy to say that Chiara had a type (if Marc really look like that), but that was not enough to calm down that weirdly uncomfortable feeling that tried to raise up his throat.

Marc was as old as Chiara and it was no secret that even all those years after the break-up, the two were rather friendly. And he looked like this Harry Styles guy.

As much as Ethan hated to admit it, there was a name for that feeling, the name known to him but no, he was not-

He shouldn’t feel jealous of Chiara’s ex.

But Marc was young and handsome and did Chiara feel the need to talk less around him, less than she wanted? Did Chiara feel that need with Ethan?

This was stupid, Ethan knew. Chiara chose him and that should have been enough.

But Marc probably didn’t hate San Franciso’s weather as much as Ethan did.

Ethan became so lost in his own stupid, not at all rational thoughts, that he didn’t notice how Chiara left the room to help Diana in the kitchen. He only noticed Alicia’s intense gaze on him, amused smirk on her lips and maybe there was a trait that both Ray sisters carried proudly, maybe Alicia’s ability to observe was just as great as Chiara’s and maybe – probably – she knew exactly what was on Ethan’s mind at that moment.

*** *** ***

„So what do you say?“ Chiara couldn’t help but ask the moment she closed the door.

It was not that she wanted her mother to tease or test Ethan, but was her family really giving up on her so easily? Were they all just ready to give Ethan their blessings and wishes of luck with Chiara, without as much as making sure his intentions are pure?

It was not fair towards him, she knew. Alan has been nothing but kind and exceptionally nice to her, always. And Bryce did make Ethan sweat at the stupid brunch all those weeks ago.

Still, she just wanted to see him flush and stutter. Just once. Just for fun.

"He is as handsome as the pictures you have been sending," Diana grinned at her oldest child over her shoulder. "Maybe even more in person."

"You know that is not what I am asking," Chiara whispered, not wanting Ethan to hear the conversation. It was not that she didn't agree with her mother, but anyone could appraise Ethan's good looks. And Diana was not anyone - her opinion mattered to Chiara more than she'd like to admit.

"I know Ethan is a great man for you, darling. He makes you smile so much I can see these little wrinkles around your eyes," Diana gestured at the corner of Chiara's right eye, too close for Chiara's liking considering she was holding a knife in her hand. "For so long I have only seen dark circles around them. Anyone who can make you this happy is more than welcome in our family."

Chiara exhaled softly and watched her mom cut the vegetables, mulling over her next words in her head.

Before she could decide on what to say next, however, Diana smirked and spoke again.

"Not that I was worried. I spoke to Bryce few weeks ago. About you and Ethan. And he made it clear that your relationship is one he approves of."

„You did what?“

It shouldn’t surprise her, she knew. Bryce and Diana called each other so often at this point, Chiara was pretty sure Bryce asked Diana for an advice before his own date last time he went on one.

„Yes, he called me after that lunch you all have had back in December? Or was it January? I am not sure, but it was the first time Ethan joined you and your friends.“

That damn brunch.

„He called you to let you know that he roasted Ethan already and so that you do not need to do that?“ Chiara chuckled, putting her question as a joke.

„Exactly!“ Diana exclaimed happily and unlike her child, she was not joking.

„And you just... believe him?“

Diana shrugged, turning to Chiara wholly now, her smile only partly amused. Mostly soft and affectionate.

„You know I love Bryce as my own kid. I know you love him as your own brother. Has Bryce ever hurt you?“

Chiara shook her head without any hestitation because no, no matter how many people did hurt her – Ethan included – Bryce never did. Never.

„He wants you to be happy and he would never let you date anyone who wouldn’t make you so. And I wouldn’t either. Ethan makes you happier than I have ever seen you, Chiara, and that is all a mother needs. For her children to be happy.“

Not needing to hear more, Chiara wrapped Diana in a tight hug, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

„And he looks damn good, too,“ Diana whispered into her hair before any of them could start to cry.

*** *** ***

Ethan was standing at the desk in Chiara’s old room, smiling softly at yet another photo of a wide-eyed, smiling redhead child with a hefty book in her hand. The plan for the second day of their visit was to see all of Chiara’s favorite spots in the city.

„Uhm, Ethan?“ Chiara’s voice resounded from behind his back and it was the unfamiliar hitch in it that made Ethan turn around rapidly to face her.

„Yes?“

„I... this is stupid probably and I will totally get it when you won’t want to go but, uh,“ she took a deep breath, her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides, tension around her almost visible.

„There is one place I want to go to before we start the day and it would mean so much to me if you wanted to go with me but it is probably very morbid from me to want you to go and-„ the words left her mouth at such crazy pace they almost sounded like one very long word instead.

And suddenly, it became very clear what she was trying to say, even though she didn’t know how to go on.

With two steps Ethan closed the gap between them and gently put her hair behind her ear.

„Let’s go,“ was all he whispered before taking her hand and letting Chiara lead their way.

 Chiara asked Ethan to give her a few minutes of solitude with her dad and brother and left him to stand under the huge oak tree while she sat down slowly, gently in front of the grave she used to visit every day.

For a long moment, she didn’t even know what to say, how to start. If at all.

She just kept staring at her crossed legs, letting the tears to fall freely.

How could it be that she had the privilege to have eyes to stare with and legs to stare at, while the mere privilege to be alive was taken away from them?, she wondered.

„Hi dad, Liam,“ she spoke at last, her voice just above a whisper.

Ethan didn't want to eavesdrop. It was not polite, not appropriate, it was invading Chiara's privacy.

It was also impossible not to do.

The place was small and quiet and the three he was standing under was too close to the place Chiara was sitting at and what was he supposed to do, sing? Whistle?

That would hardly be any more appropriate.

And so he heard everything Chiara said and he was sure he was not meant to hear any of that.

„Ethan is here with me,“ he heard her say. „I wanted you to finally meet him. I know the last time I was here, I was not overly happy about him, but he got back from the jungle and he is forgiven. So could you forget how I called him an utter asshole and just... be nice?“

Ethan’s whole body tensed and a regret washed over him like an icy shower. He couldn’t be anything but ashamed by the fact that Chiara already shared him at this place and that she probably hated him at the time.

„You would love him, dad. He is so smart, like, genius smart. As smart as you were. And he respects me more than anyone has ever respected me before. You always said that if the man does not respect my career, he does not deserve me, dad and if that is true, then nobody deserves me as much as Ethan.“

He heard her chuckle and there was a long moment of silence before she spoke again and with some kind of internal terror Ethan realized that he didn’t even try to stop hearing what she was saying anymore.

„And I am sure you would like him too, Liam. He is a great target of jokes and teasing.“

Another silence.

And then Chiara said something Ethan so desperately wished he hadn’t heard, something that made him hate himself for listening and even more for what he heard and he just wanted to run away, far away and hate himself in hiding.

„You know... I cannot say this to him, because he is not very keen on this kind of things and I don’t want to scare him but guys, I love him so much.“

*** *** ***

Chiara didn’t know how many times she thanked Ethan that he visited the cemetery with her, but she was sure it was not enough to express how grateful she was.

The least she could do was to make sure that their next stop would be her absolutely most favourite coffee shop in San Francisco and Ethan would get his morning coffee just the way he liked it.

Something was off, however. Ethan was extremely quiet the whole time and even though she was used to his moods at this point, it surprised her here, today. It was kind of their vacation, their free time, something they both so desperately craved.  

Chiara could see that he was lost in his thoughts, brows furrowed and his gaze pointed somewhere behind the window. And doubts started overtaking her, because of course it was too much to take him to meet her dead father and brother. It would be too much for everyone.

Before she could decide on how to apologize for dragging him there, Ethan beat her to it and spoke first, although his gaze was still pointed elsewhere.

“I must apologize.”

Only then he turned to her and her confused raised eyebrow was the push he needed to finish the thought.

“For-“ he stopped, biting his cheek, mulling over his next words and by the expression on his face, even those he speaks next are not the ones he wished to find. “For making you feel like you cannot express yourself when you are with me.”

“Oh?” Chiara shook her head slightly, her confusion growing even bigger at the odd statement.

Ethan exhaled, suddenly aware of the place being rather empty. There were no groups of teenagers, no kids, nobody that would muffle his words and his wild heartbeat.

“I overheard some of the things you said to your dad back then,” he admitted slowly, softly, quietly and he was not proud of himself for not even trying to not to overhear it.

The confusion in Chiara’s eyes was quickly replaced by comprehension and just after that, panic.

“Oh,” this time, the sigh that left her was full of understanding.

It all clicked now. It all made sense and Chiara so desperately wished it didn’t, because she loves him and he heard and now he is scared.

She tried to come up with a response that would make everything make sense, her head starting to hurt from the pressure she put on her brain to just come up with something, damnit.

Chiara opened her mouth several times without any sound leaving it and she was internally panicking and Ethan was not even looking at her.

 Until suddenly he was.

“I love you too,” he blurted out, the words a little bit slurred.

The third “oh” that left Chiara’s was so soft, had there been the teenagers or the kids, Ethan would have missed it. But he didn’t.. He heard it and it took all of the air of his lungs away, because it was almost nothing, mere two letters and yet they carried such meaning it made his throat tighten.

“You do?” she whispered at last.

“Yes, I do.”

“And it doesn’t scare you?”

“God,” Ethan laughed, pulling her closer to him and putting a long, lingering kiss on her forehead. “It scares me more than anything has ever scared me before.”

Chiara laughed softly, her warm breath tickling Ethan’s neck and she pulled away just enough to tilt her head and look at him and in her eyes, those emerald greens, so warm, so soft, so beautiful, Ethan saw more than Chiara could say at the moment, in those depths he saw that this woman, his Chiara, his light, loved him more than anyone has ever loved him before and it warmed his chest in a way he didn’t recognize and it was that moment when he knew.

There was one thing that scared him more than love. Than being loved and loving Chiara.

Losing Chiara.

And he knew it then, he knew he would fight his fears of that unknown warm feeling every day, every second of those days until it didn’t scare him anymore, because losing Chiara was not an option. Not anymore, not ever.

[pogueszn]

the summer playlist - sneak peak

summary: Pope’s long-term internet friend is coming to stay for the summer and tension starts to run high when feelings are added to the mix

 warnings: none i believe? let me know if you find any!

word count: 745

aln: here’s a sneak peak to my upcoming mini series! the first chapter will be up this Tuesday! let me know if you would like to be removed or be added to the taglist!

part one! part two! part three!

“Thanks for dropping me off, dad,” Pope said as he closed the car door behind him. 

Heyward gave his son a tight-lipped smile and a short nod, giving his son’s friends a look of annoyance as they came out to greet him. 

“Hi, Mr. Heyward!” Kie said, smiling at the older man sweetly. 

Heyward would moan and complain about Pope’s friends but they weren’t half as bad as he pretended they were. He could be hanging out with worse people. He gave Kiara a small wave. He put his car in reverse but quickly slammed his breaks again, sticking his hand back out the window to point at Pope. 

“Hey!” he called, “I want you home early tonight, you hear me?” 

The four kids stopped dead in their tracks, Pope’s cheeks going warm from embarrassment. 

“Yes, I hear you,” Pope replied. 

“I want that dirty ass room of yours cleaned before Y/n gets in.” 

And with that Heyward was gone, leaving the kids wide-eyed and Pope to deal with the repercussions of mentioning Y/n. 

“Who’s Y/n?” John B asked, giving Pope a playful shove. 

Pope shook his head, walking into the chateau to put his stuff away, the pogues hot on his trail, eager to get answers. 

“Yeah,” JJ sang childishly, “who’s Y/n?” 

“She’s a friend I met online,” Pope answered, “you know that gaming site I used to talk about when I was younger? She’s coming to stay for the summer.” 

JJ and John B shared humored looks. Kie shook her head at the two boys, giving Pope a reassuring pat on the back, 

“That’s great, Pope! I’m sure it’ll be fun!”

Pope gave her a soft smile. But it was short-lived as his face went stern as his eyes fell upon the boys, whose faces were going red from withholding laughter. John B took a deep breath, clearing his throat. 

“Come on, man,” 

“What?” Pope questioned. 

“You want us to believe that you have a friend that’s a girl - that you met by yourself?” 

Pope rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and settling deeper into John B’s shitty couch. 

“Be nice, John B,” Kie scolded. 

“There’s no way!” JJ wheezed, his face beet red by now. 

“She’s a real person,” Pope stated, “you’ll see.” 

“Oh, yeah! She might be a forty-year-old man but she’s definitely real, alright!”

Pope expected them to react this way. He hadn’t spoken much about Y/n to JJ and John B for this exact reason. The last time Pope and Y/n saw each other in person was when they were ten, turning eleven, and their parents had gotten together and planned a surprise get together for them, it was only a few days because both of their parents lived a busy lives but this time she was coming to spend the entire summer! Pope was excited, to say the least. Excited to spend time with her in person, introduce her to his other best friends, and have a fun time with one of his best friends that he hadn’t seen in almost seven years! He wasn’t going to let their teasing put a damper on his spirits. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re annoying?” Pope questioned. 

“Every day,” JJ answered. 

Pope rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time since walking through the door. 

“So,” JJ trailed, “you tryna swoop on this ‘Y/n’ or no?” 

Pope turned to look at him, an almost offended look on his face that nearly made JJ burst at the seams. 

“No, JJ. She’s my friend,” he said, “boys and girls can be just friends, not that you would know about that.” 

JJ gasped in fake shock as John B nearly fell out of his seat and Kie let out muffled laughs they could hear from the kitchen. 

“Hey! I’m just friends with Kie!” 

Pope gave him an unimpressed look, his head lulling to the side. 

“He’s got a point,” John B said.

“Whatever man,” JJ scoffed playfully, “hey, does this mean since you haven’t called dibs I can try and slide?” 

He was only joking - teasing Pope was his favorite pass time. Pope grabbed the nearest thing to him, which happened to be an empty beer can, and chucked it at JJ. Pope scowled as it missed him and JJ laughed at his poor excuse for a throw.

“That was such a bad throw, Pope!”

“I was on the math team!”

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