#reuploading stuff was honestly getting tiring

[tired-roo]

I GOT MY ACCOUNT BACK!!!

Great news, I finally got my og account @sleepy-roo back! I was starting to lose hope tbh, I didn't think they'd ever respond or even get my account back.

If y'all wanna see my recent art on there, head on over and check it out. Give a follow if ya want as well.

I'll have to tidy up that acc. now, everything feels too cluttered. That page was originally supposed to contain art and art only, so imma keep it that way. There still might be some things on there I'll keep cuz I don't mind 'em. I actually like having separate accounts for specific things. Helps me be more organized. That being said, as for this blog and my other blogs:

@tired-roo will still be here, of course, since it is/was a backup anyway

reblogs will be on/still remain on @grumpy-roo

and @splashy-roo is getting deleted (i think tumblr is buggin' out cuz i've deleted @splashy-roo 3 times and it's still showing up. so i guess this acc. is staying up, but there's nothing being uploaded there still. so follow it or don't, idrc.)

[j3lly-fish]

Heyyyyyyy, I'm back? Honestly I still have a lot of portfolio stuff to finish, but I need a break cause im tiring myself out with it LOL. Turning myself to other mediums, I needed a death flower accessory for this sim, so I just made one from scratch, maybe it'll be of use to others? 👀

Unisex

All LODS

New Mesh

2 versions (left and right)

Teen to Elder

Polys: 1478

Found in Hats Category

Disallowed for Random (At least im 99% sure I fixed that)

Known issues: You may get some clipping depending on the hair, I did not make this hat slider compatible cause that slider has only caused trouble in my game, I apologize 😭

You can recolor and edit my meshes, but please just link back to my original post! ♡

DON’T reupload, claim as your own or put behind a paywall

You can tag me so I can see what you do with my cc!

✦ DOWNLOAD (SFS) ✦ DOWNLOAD (PATREON) ✦

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

Don't cry over spilled milk ◦ l.f

-Accidents happen is an easy thing to say when your daughter didn't just dump a cup of milk on your husband's new black carpet and all of a sudden— you can't breathe

Paring◦ Dad!Lee Felix x Mom!Reader

Words◦ 1633

Genre ◦ Hurt and comfort, ngl this was like really angsty and I didn't mean for it to be 😭, definitely fluffy towards the end though

Warnings ◦ Kinda points towards the fact that the reader might have been abused, descriptions of the readers father being an asshole, talk about abuse, the term beating black and blue, crying, spilled milk, Felix being sickeningly sweet, overuse of love, descriptions of bad dreams, trauma, bleeding, bad thoughts, and wounds (all these are metaphors).

Taglist◦@thetoastghost222I hope you like it <33

A/N ◦this is just something simple and cute I cooked up real fast I didn't really put too much thought into it honestly I just let my brain go also don't judge me but I literally just looked up "cute Korean girl names that mean sunshine" in the search engine and picked the first thing so... also I'm going to be reuploading all my old stuff into my new blog in one fair swoop soooo I'm rereading this and there's something about my writing I have always noticed is off so if anybody can point it out/ give me advice I would literally appreciate it so much

~cookiecreates 🍪

You took "Don't cry over spilled milk" very seriously because it took every fiber of your being not to sob when Ha-Yun's glass of milk dropped on Felix's new carpet, throwing a vibrant white stain on the expensive black furnishing. You really don't know how many different adjectives your brain could come up with to describe the horror you felt pounding in your heart.

It was as though this moment was a portal into the deepest caverns of your mind—a key that unlocked a swarm of memories flickering in the back of your brain like fireflies. You squeeze your eyes shut, pushing back the flood of bad feelings that seem to wash over you quicker than you can wipe them away—You're transported back to those days when your head was high and your hands were small, spilling milk on your dad's new carpet. You were so little, so naive, you didn't know that the world wasn't all butterflies and unicorns; that milk stained and dads got mad. You vowed to be the parent who held their baby's hand as they picked it up, smiling when they threw the dirty towel in the trash. 

Accidents happen.

Accidents happen.

Accidents happen.

But you don't know if that's what Felix vowed to do, and with the carpet being 600 dollars, you wouldn't be surprised if he beat the poor girl black and blue.

Just like your dad did. 

Your fingers tremble as you grip the cup in your hands, the world seems to swirl around you, swimming in all your bad dreams. It only took a teaspoon to die and a bad thought to drown. How easy it is to be pulled under the waves when you're vulnerable. You thought you kept the sea at bay, but even the most experienced divers can get pulled into a riptide. 

The cup clatters in the sink, startling you out of your thoughts. Ha-Yun babbles in the corner, throwing cheerios to the ground. This was all your fault; you shouldn't have put her high chair in the living room. 

All your fault.

All your fault.

All your-

The lock clicks.

Your heart drops, plummeting into the grave in which you buried all your pain. You scramble to find something to cover the stain. In all your panic, you forget that shit doesn't magically go away, sticking to your skin like syrup dripping down your spine. Everything was spinning in your vision as your lungs contracted, you wondered if you could really drown in theoretical oceans, especially the ones that occupied your mind.

It all seemed so silly as Felix's frame came into view, like he was made entirely from watercolor pouring down the page. You threw the towel over the mess, attempting to conceal your sobs.

Maybe he'll walk away.

Maybe he's too tired to notice.

Maybe you can spare his wrath.

“Love,” Felix's deep voice floats into your ears like cotton candy disintegrating under the waves of words you drown in. Scars were never promises on the skin; the human body is a delicate chemistry, and with the right motivation, it can crumble.

You snap. Break apart. Succumb to the river of sentences that stuck to your skin, like honey and glass. Time heals all wounds, but what about the ones that never scar, never scab? What about the ones whose vile words poisoned the flesh, eating away at your soul? Time doesn't heal all wounds because sometimes wounds are just too deep. Strong arms wrap around your huddled frame, your face drawn to your knees. 

“I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." you sob mindlessly, it was as though your younger self control—caught in a weird form of fight or flight—dissociating from reality.

“Sorry? Sorry for what, love?” He whispers, dropping to the floor and pulling you onto his lap. He's so gentle, so calm, so completely opposite of any love you have ever felt or any father you have ever seen.

"Milk-" You choke; your words getting caught in your throat. You dig your face into his shoulder. "She spilled the milk on the carpet. I'm so sorry." The tears keep coming as though you're bleeding all the emotions you had kept under wraps for too long; it was like an infection, and Felix's loving arms cleansed your wounds.

"Oh, love," he coos, petting your hair, "didn't anybody ever tell you not to cry over spilled milk." You can't help but chuckle, a weird mix between a sniffle and a sob. 

You must look like such a wreck right now—face blotchy and red, snot dripping down your nose, tears pouring down your cheeks—you look like you just crawled out of the pits of hell, and he still looks at you like you're the most beautiful woman he's ever laid his eyes on.

In that moment, you feel so silly, so stupid, kinda wanting to crawl back into the pits of hell from which you came. You should have known he wasn't going to react the way your father had. Felix was nothing like the man; he was kind, he was gentle, he was all sunshine and smiles, he was safe.

"I'm sorry for being such a wreck." You cuddle deeper into his chest, sniffling into his shirt. 

"Never be sorry for being human, and especially, never be sorry for showing me." It took everything in you not to break down again, letting his strong arms hold you while you scrubbed all the syrup from your soul, but you have a baby and a mess on the carpet that will be ten times harder to clean if you leave it sitting.

"I'll go get another towel," you sniffle, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

"Don't," he pulls you back down on his lap, “Put your arms around me.” You lock your hands behind his neck, yelping when he picks you up bridal style.

“What- Felix, what are you doing?” You squeal as he walks you to the couch, laying you gently on the cushions.

“I'm showing you how to clean up spilled milk,” He smirks like you didn't just destroy his 600-dollar carpet; his attitude genuinely baffles you.

"How are you not mad?” You whispered, dazed, your mind turning into mush. He tilts your chin up, peering at you with a soft smile and kind eyes. Your breath hitches, little heart eyes popping in your pupils. 

"Accidents happen, love, you never grow out of’em." You melt, literally disintegrating into a pile of goo on the couch.

"D-Do you, um, D-Do you need help?" You stutter, blinking harshly to try and gather your thoughts. It was as if his gentle heart short-circuited your tangled wires—knotted from years of wear and lack of care. 

"You just sit there and look pretty, and I'll show you why you shouldn't cry over spilled milk." He kisses you softly, smiling on your skin, "Okay, baby," he breathes, passion crackling between your lips, "You just keep-" Ha-Yun screeches, slapping her high chair full of Cheerios. Felix groans, tipping his forehead to touch yours. 

"You know, one of these days we've got to get a babysitter. I don't know how long I can stand just being able to admire my beautiful wife from afar," your cheeks burn as you tilt your head down bashfully, "Well maybe we can do that when milk isn't marinating on the floor," he claps, jumping up from his arched position, "yep, your right, jeez baby, you really know how to pull me away from a task."

You cheese, pulling the collar of your shirt over your face. "Go on," you shoo him away, "You were going to teach me something."

He smirks, walking over to the kitchen, pulling the roll of paper towels off the counter and tossing them down next to the mess, unlocking Ha-Yun's highchair to lift her out of it.

"What are you-"

"Shh sit there and look pretty," The way his eyes sparkle and his lips tilt makes him appear almost mischievous. You sink back into the couch, folding your arms in front of your chest, assessing him intently. Ha-Yun beams when she sees Felix, waving her arms around, spitting gobbly gook.

"Oh is that right, well I couldn't have ever guessed," he nods attentively like she just stated the stages of evolution, "Well, as much as I love this conversation, baby, you are going to need to clean up your mess". He chastises her gently, and she frowns, glaring at him, he lifts his brows in retort.

"You know you've got a lot of sass for a 4-year-old," he grumbles "Probably got it from your momma," he sends you a look, lips curled up in a smirk. Your jaw drops in faux offense.

"You know what-" he puts his finger to his lips, cutting you off.

"Were you this bad in school? Cause the teacher," he gestures to himself, "is teaching."

"I'm gonna-"

"Looking pretty," He singsongs, a smile playing on his lips. You bite your cheek, holding back your glare. He snickers, placing her down next to the milk—putting a paper towel in her tiny hands.

"Can you help daddy clean it up please," he squats down to her level, stretching his fingers over hers. She blinks down at the splattered milk. You can almost see the gears turning in her head when he starts carefully moving her hand back and forth over the mess. 

"See!" he cheers, his eyes glowing with pride, "Accidents happen, you just gotta learn to clean them up."

Watching the scene unfold before you fills you with an obscene form of bliss, like you have achieved one of life's greatest victories—that maybe all dads weren't raging assholes that yelled when you spilled milk because, like Felix said, accidents happen—you never grow out of'em.

©CookieCreates (posted: June, 26th 2024) All rights reserved. Do not translate, copy, or claim my works as yours! I only post on this platform so if any of my works are elsewhere, report and notify me immediately.

[heartkaji]

[ ★ ⸻ @maiinoclock ]

★ OVERVIEW

hi !! omg people acc simp for shidou 😟/j anyway you and shidou’s relationship would be so chaotic i think 😭 i feel like you guys are that one couple breaking up over the smallest things, and even as exes yall still have no idea what ‘no contact’ means. like, yall would be less than two weeks into the break up and shidou’s already calling your line asking you to link 🤦‍♀️ at first you always say no, but unfortunately you’re gonna give up sooner or later 🧍‍♂️ idk it’s just smth about the way he calls you cute nicknames ig 💘

Q5 — WHAT DO OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ?

EVERONE thinks you guys are toxic. or a dangerous match. or both. sae’s waiting for the moment you realize this man has been gay all along (dw girl you never will ! but he definitely swings in more than one way.) anyway, every week you two are breaking up over the dumbest shit and your girl friends are TIRED of hearing it. everyday it’s “oh i broke up with him cuz he was liking some bitch’s posts” and then the next day it’s “nevermind guys we’re back together again.” safe to say your girls are sick and tired. truth is, you and shidou simply cannot stay away from each other. no matter how intense your fights get you always find a way back to one another, and ngl your mates (and shidou’s) are tired of it.

charles doesn’t take yall seriously either. he loves you actually, you’re his favorite ex of shidou (or girlfriend, depends on which day of the week it is) but even he doesn’t entertain shidou’s rants about you anymore. he used to LOVE the gossip, but now he just rolls his eyes.

“yall will be back together by tuesday, give it a rest gang.”

Q12 — WHAT DO THEY NOT LIKE ABOUT YOU ?

your trust issues (which are 100% not your fault btw!!) you were actually really trusting initially, always giving shidou the benefit of the doubt. but shidou got an inch and took a mile. he’s never actually cheated, but you always catch him in some girl’s likes or tiktok comments saying “lemme eyp” 💀💀 GIRL IM SO SORRY but like this is shidou 😭 also he’s definitely the kind of guy who reposts hot girls on his fyp i fear 💔 anyways once u confronted him abt all that it stopped, but you occasionally catch him in a girl’s likes from time to time. stuff like that is usually the cause of your fights, and it’s lead to you not trusting him. you’re skeptical about nearly everything he says and does and you NEVER cut him slack. you stand on business (sometimes). if he pisses you off he gets a good scolding followed by silence. no contact at all. but after a while you unfortunately miss your ex and find your way back 💔

honestly, i don’t think shidou does any of the stuff he does to be unfaithful or weird. i genuinely think he’s just been single for a long time and so his every media is just saturated with inappropriate pics of women 😭 you open his insta and his discovery pages is filled with bikini models and only fans promoters. sometimes he absentmindedly likes a few. if shidou were to reset his tiktok and insta trust me you’ll never catch him in anybody’s likes ever again. fuck is he looking for with randoms on the internet when he’s got you ?

Q13 — WHAT DO THEY LOVE MOST ABOUT YOU ?

how assertive you are. he finds it irresistibly hot when you tell him no. shidou’s no stranger to easy girls. back when he was still single, he had a whole roster of pretty girls who’d do anything he asked. but you’re different; you live by your own rules, you see shidou when it’s convenient for you, when you feel like it. sometimes, depending on your mood you treat him like he doesn’t even exist and heaven knows it drives him crazy. he’s not used to having a girl who treats him like an option and damn does it make him worship you. you’re kinda like sae in that aspect actually, and he’s every bit as obsessed with you as he is with the red head.

>> 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 <<

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, copy, edit, translate or reupload

[rustyarcade]

None of you will ever understand Wednesday, Enid, and Bianca friend group like I do NONE OF YOU GRAHHHHH!!! (A reuploaded 🧵 from my twt)

They lay on the roof of Ophelia Hall and stare at the stars above them like once a week to talk about literally everything and nothing at the same time

They have the constellations memorized at this point and talk about them like they’re old friends

They talk about their moms a lot. And the night when Crackstone was revived. Or whatever other internal issue. It usually ends up with one of them crying. Almost always Enid. But there were times where Bianca cried. And Wednesday did once too. But no one likes mentioning it

It’s the one time a week where Bianca doesn’t have to keep her bossy, queen bee demeanor, Enid doesn’t have to keep her peppy, always happy attitude, and Wednesday doesn’t have to completely shut out the world around her

Sometimes when it’s a rainy night, they run into the forest and just chase each other for hours. When they get tired, the sit up against a tree and talk. But as soon as that energy returns, they go back to running and giggling

They consider each other closer than Yoko is with Enid, Divina is with Bianca, and Eugene is with Wednesday

They are each others biggest supporters no matter what and are willing to sacrifice themselves to make sure the others are happy

Their friendship isn’t loud to the world it’s more of a winky thing. Not that they’re hiding it, but there’s no need to announce it either. But at the same time it’s so obvious that they’re friends

They tease each other so much. It’s their love language. They’ll make comments to each other. They’ll pretend to throw each others’ stuff to make each other laugh

When fencing club is over they’ll talk for HOURS in the club room afterwards and even do some more spars if they’re up for it

Bianca was the third ever person Wednesday hugged (first being Enid, then Eugene) but it was after such a vulnerable moment that as much as she’d love to brag about it to everyone, Bianca will take it to the grave just for Wednesday

Enid loves buying them all subtle matching gifts. From plushes to bracelets to anything really, Enid will find one for each of them and theme them accordingly

She especially loves getting them powerpuff girl themed stuff. Bianca is Blossom, Enid is Bubbles, and Wednesday is Buttercup easy

If Yoko is wenclair nation president, Bianca is vice president. She loves their relationship and is honestly so happy for them. Both reached out to her for advice. She felt like a proud mother watching them realize their feelings right in front of her eyes.

Wednesday and Enid’s relationship isn’t overbearing in their friendship. Bianca is never treated like a third wheel and Wednesday and Enid have the absolute respect and comfortability being themselves around Bianca

They were the first people Bianca told about her being Poly and Pan. She was terrified and so nervous but they accepted her immediately and let her know that she could tell them anything

They’re the biggest biayokovina Stans as well

Everyone at school knows they’re the most powerful trio in the universe and they love each other so much UGH-

Ok thanks for reading goodnight feel free to add ur own ideas/headcanons abt them cuz I love them so much

[penissirius]

Secret Secret pt2

Lee Know x male reader  

SUMMARY: Part 2 is ‘you’re a secret and you’re sick of it’ Part 1 was ‘you’re a secret’ and I’m sure you can guess what part 3 will be! If you can't, you’ll have to wait until that’s posted! (Uh I got lazy so this is part 2 and 3 lolll, part 3 is ‘you’re a secret no more') 

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: M/n is a very famous and well-known gamer and content creator. Idol Stray Kids still. M/n has braces but if you don’t you can just skip that part and imagine the hair as something else as well. I tried to keep it generally plain tho so you could more imagine yourself. 

AUTHORS NOTE: This is part 2 (and 3 lol) of this 3-part series! part 2 already ommmggg time flies lol, I’m looking forward but not looking forward to writing this! This one is more angsty than the first part but not by that much cause writing angst hurts me and because I used to be forced to do it so much with a certain ex-friend of mine it’s become something I avoid. It is slightly sad though! There is arguing! I repeat there is arguing.  

WARNINGS: arguing, angstish ig, jealousy from the reader, insecure thoughts, idol AU, famous gamer reader. Slight ooc Lee Know? Idk I don’t write for him a lot or imagine for him a lot so I don’t think I capture his attitude and his demeanor correctly- 

FEMALE ALIGNED PLEASE DNI <3 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

*2 Months after the conversation with Lee Know* 

M/n was chilling on stream yet again but this time he was just talking and chilling with fans while drawing new chapters for his webcomic. It was actually a pretty good stream, M/n was in a good mood, the comic was coming along nicely with no issues in the design and the questions people were asking weren't all that bad until they were. ‘So, M/n how’s you and the boyfie doing’ One of the comments was read aloud to him by the computer. “Hm? Oh! We’re doing great! I absolutely love being in this relationship and I’m much happier than the last one I was in. He is such a sweet and amazing guy. I can’t believe it’s getting to almost 2 years together” M/n smiled looking up for a second.  

‘That’s good, we’re glad you’re happy again M/n!’ ‘We finally have our happy boy back!’ ‘It’s been almost 2 years when are we going to know who’s the idol boyfriend’  

M/n looks up, “Now you guys know I can’t do that. He’s an idol and they have dating bans and stuff. It wouldn’t be okay to announce we’re dating let alone that he’s dating some twitch streamer like me.” 

‘It’s okay M/nnie! It’s enough to know he exists!’ ‘Or maybe he doesn’t and this whole thing has been a lie’ ‘well it can’t be a lie cause we’ve seen him pop in sometimes, wearing a hoodie and a mask but he comes in and gives M/n a kiss before leaving!’ ‘Yeah, and even so we believe and trust M/n!’  

M/n smiles giggling, happy that his fans believe and trust him. He ignores the few haters. “Honestly if it was up to me, I would've told you guys by now! But it’s not and I’m more than happy just me and a few friends knowing!” He goes back to drawing and the subject seems to change back to randomness. An hour and a half later he decided to end his live because his hand is getting pretty tired. “Alright guys, that's all from me. I promise that the normal gaming live will happen next week! There’s a poll up on what game I should play and I might pick a few of you to play with me! I haven’t done that in a while lol. But this is me and my hurting hand signing off! BYEEEEEE”  

After shutting everything off and reuploading it so people who missed it can rewatch, he goes to his living room to watch tv and FaceTime his best friend. He grabs his MacBook and after a few rings AJ finally answers and he sees him still in his training clothes which means he just got back to his dorm. “M/n! Hey dude!” M/ns energetic best friend said once he saw his face. “Hey AJ how was training?” M/n laughed seeing AJs face turn up at the thought of training. AJ puts his phone down to change into comfier clothes while talking.  

“Omg dude, training was literally the hardest today out of any other day. Dance wasn’t bad, and vocal practice wasn’t either. But rap class kind of kicked my ass and weird classes like selfie class and walking class because apparently there’s something wrong with my walk! ALSO, this stylist for one of the other groups said that I should consider cutting my hair because it’s ‘too long’ and ‘no one would know how to take care of your foreign hair’!” M/n was lowkey offended for his friend.  

Anyone who knows AJ knows that the curls in his hair that come from his mom's Hispanic side and not his dad's Korean side are his pride and one of the only things that keep him tied to home while he’s here in Korea. “What? Did she actually say that?” “Yeah, she did! And honestly, I don’t know if you’ve seen Bang Chan's curls before the stylist got a hold of them but I am NOT risking that happening to my hair. That’s a walking nightmare. Also, when my hair is straight it’s not that much longer than Hyunjin’s was before they recently cut it!” M/n just shook his head, “Honestly just continue to do your hair by yourself, you do great and if you have any complications then you can call your mom!” “You right you right!”  

They talked for a while and played some games together before they were just lying there doing separate things and talking after AJ had switched the call to his laptop. “Oh, dude did you see the new article?” AJ said looking up from his phone to his computer where the call was set up. “No? What’s it about.” M/n looked up suddenly interested. “It’s about Lee know. People are suspecting that he’s in a relationship. I’ll send it to you” “Alright” 

He got the link and the article said: 

Stray Kids' dancer Lee Know is in a relationship?! 

Recently it’s been suspected that the said dancer is in a relationship. He’s often not in the dorm when members have done vlives at night. In behind-the-scenes videos, you can see him smiling at his phone and texting someone. His and Han's friendship has seemed to get a little less touchy-feely but still the best of friends. Also, when he shows his Home Screen it’s a picture of him and a shorter/taller man hugging! It has been semi-confirmed that it can’t be one of the other members because the hair nor body type match…. 

It continues but M/n stops reading. “Why should I be worried about this? It’s not like they’re actually going to find out about me or he would even tell them.” He chuckles bitterly. “Yeah, but there is this really stuck-up trainee in the same class as me who is swearing that he’s the one dating Lee Know. I know that’s not true and so does Stray kids and Miyeon (female best friend) but others don’t. He doesn’t even look anything like you or the picture Minho has as his Lock Screen but everyone is starting to believe him.” M/n doesn’t know how to feel hearing this.  

“You and him need to do something about this. Talk about it. I think it’s time to let people know. I know he’s an idol and shit but his dating ban has been lifted, and JYP PDnim has started not caring if we are public with our relationships (at least in this universe 🤪), plus you guys have been dating for 2 years. I don’t think keeping you in the dark like this is fair. To have to deal with other people claiming to be dating him, and for you to have to deal with the constant hate you get for having an idol boyfriend but not saying the name. You’ve respected him and his feelings through all of this, but I think now it’s time for you to tell him how you feel.”  

M/n listens and thinks about what his best friend has told him. “But what if he doesn’t agree? What if he doesn’t want to be public? I mean he’s an idol and being with me publicly could ruin everything he’s working for.” AJ tsked, “Yeah but you have to consider your feelings. It’s been 2 years, I know you would like to be able to spend time and actually go on dates together. I can’t keep watching you put yourself and your own feelings on the back burner for him. At least just think about bringing it up dude, I've got to go now. I have early training in the morning” M/n nods. “Alright, night AJ. Tell Miyeon I said goodnight as well!” “I will, bye bro”  

After AJ hung up M/n really got to thinking and maybe he should bring it up. In the end M/n ended up not bringing it up to Minho. They haven’t been able to see each other in a while with all the stuff happening in Minho's schedule recently so they never gave a time to talk about it. Plus, M/n just didn’t want to start an argument about it when he knew it would just end with the same result and his feelings getting pushed back. But the topic always stayed in his mind.  

A week and a half later and the situation have blown up. The article continued, more came after. And soon the Trainee that was claiming to be Lee Knows boyfriend was pretty much everywhere. People were asking him questions, he was answering with fake texts between them, edited pictures, etc. Nothing was heard from Lee Know or JYP though and M/n was starting to get sick of it. It was like everywhere he turned was another fake post about this dude and Lee know. Honestly, he was pissed. Not being able to see his boyfriend, this dude claiming to be dating HIS boyfriend and JYP and Lee know himself weren't talking about it.  

This day in particular he had finally had enough. His ‘fans’ were making tweets saying how it was understandable that the trainee was dating Lee know but it’s kind of suspicious that M/n claims to be dating an idol but couldn’t talk about it like Dal (the trainee) could. There were a good 30% of his fans though that didn’t believe that Dal was dating Lee Know because to them it just didn’t make sense and would actually make more sense if M/n was the one dating him which made him feel slightly better. All in all, M/n was pretty much fed up with this. He texted AJ to go ahead and talk to JYP about the situation and article, to which the best friend was more than happy to. He even made a slide show for it, that fact made M/n laugh.  

AJ had brought the situation up to his CEO and was in the middle of talking to him about it when Lee Know texted M/n.  

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

Hey baby, how’s your day been?  

If M/n was pissed before he’s livid now. How’s his day been? They haven’t had an actual conversation in weeks and the first conversation that he started was ‘How’s your day been?’… M/n has thrown all previous feelings of not wanting to cause an argument out the window.  

My prince 👑💙 

It hasn’t been good, Minho  

They haven’t been good for the past few weeks.  

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

Minho? No baby?  

What’s wrong?  

My prince 👑💙 

Hm, I don’t know. Why don’t you ask that bitch Dal what’s wrong.  

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

Dal? Dal who?  

My prince 👑💙 

The fucking trainee that’s been claiming to be dating you for the past idk 2 weeks.  

Now a little part of M/n was starting to feel bad for coming off in such a harsh way instead of actually talking and having a conversation about this, and maybe he was being a little petty by changing his boyfriend's contact name last week. But there was the bigger part of him that was so tired of dealing with this bullshit. He’s bottled up these feelings for weeks and months and now they’re finally being set free.  

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

What are you talking about? I don’t even hang out with him.  

I’ve had like 2 conversations total with him.   

My prince 👑💙 

Well, those 2 conversations clearly seemed to be enough for him to say you’re dating.  

Clearly it was enough motivation to make fake texts and edited photos of you together. 

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

Where are these so-called texts and photos and why haven’t I seen them?  

I’m sure all of this will just blow over anyway it’s not like I’m actually dating him, I’m dating you!  

My prince 👑💙 

But nobody knows that. 

I’m tired of this secret stuff Minho.  

It’s been 2 years. This has been going on for weeks now. How can you say it’ll just blow over.  

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

I honestly haven’t seen anything or heard anything about it this whole time! Baby you have to believe me 

Send it to me.  

My prince 👑💙 

A part of me just can’t seem to believe you have seen it at all but I’ll send it to you.  

sends multiple links to articles and TikTok's on the situation 

It takes about 30 to 45 minutes for Lee Know to get through all the links and process the information. In that time M/n still hadn’t calmed down. The part of him that felt bad wanted to cry and apologize and just be held by his boyfriend, but he was too clouded by all the emotions that he had held back finally coming out. After those 45 minutes Lee Know was on a mission to put this all to rest and finally come clean, he texted Him back but M/n didn’t see it. He had put his phone on Do not disturb and was set on ignoring him because he took too long to respond.  

Lee doesn’t seem to know 🙄 

Give me a moment love, I’ll have everything explained I promise  

My prince 👑💙 has notifications silenced  

While M/n was locked in his room eating ice cream and watching his comfort show after he cried. Lee Know, AJ and JYP were setting up a last second thrown together live interview set up in one of the company's conference rooms. After getting one of the radio hosts under JYPE, Chase, who hosts Idol on Air and setting everything up, AJ’s job was to get M/n to watch it. AJ took off running to his car and speeding to M/n’s apartment, texting Minho when he got there. He unlocked the door with the spare key his best friend had given him a while ago. He quickly made a beeline straight to M/n's bedroom, shutting the door, sitting his best friend up and grabbing the remote and turning.  

“Hey, what the fuck! I was watching that!” M/n said confused and upset that his friend ruined his pity party. “There’s something way more important that you need to see” M/n pouted and watched as AJ quickly turned to where the interview was being broadcasted. He was quite confused when he saw his boyfriend on the live show that was clearly thrown together and not planned. ‘Maybe this is why he wasn’t responding- I feel so bad now. What is he even planning to talk about?’ M/n turned to AJ, “dude what is-?” “SHHHHH”, AJ cut him off, “it’s starting!” 

“And we are on! Hello and welcome to Idol on Air! I’m your host Chase and as always, it’s a pleasure to be here with you guys. Today we have Mr. Lee Know of Stray Kids with us!” Minho waves “hello”  

M/n looks at AJ unimpressed, “what does any of this have to do with me?” “You’ll see in a second just shut up and watch” AJ points back at the screen.  

“Today we will be talking about a topic that has been the biggest revolving said dancer and the JYPE trainee, Dal.” Chase said, looking back at the camera.  

Now that sparked M/n’s interest and made him pay attention.  

“As it seems, the trainee, Dal has been spreading and trending everywhere claiming that he is in fact dating Lee Know. This started when a big article speculated that the idol was in a relationship. These are the posts and quote on quote evidence given from Dal.” Multiple Instagram posts, tweets, and photos were shown on the screen and on one of the TVs behind the camera for JYP, Chase, Lee Know and the rest of the staff to see. “We are here today to debunk these rumors and fake posts” 

M/n stares wide eyed at the screen slowly processing what was happening and what it meant.  

Chase turns to Lee know, “Now I’ll let the man himself speak. Lee Know, are you dating the trainee Dal?” He sat up taller and looked dead at the camera before responding. “No, I am not. I have only had 2 conversations with him in total since he became a trainee here.” “Tell us more.” Lee Know smirked, “Gladly. The texts are fake for I don’t even have his number or social media nor do I have a personal Instagram at all let alone the one shown in the photos. All of the photos of us together are edited. I’ve only taken one photo with him and it is this one.”  

A picture of them in one of the practice rooms was shown. Lee Know and Dal are posing but to M/n it looks slightly off. He knows his boyfriend and that’s not the way he usually takes photos with someone who isn’t his members or friends.  

“Only this isn’t the actual photo. This is.” A different photo was shown, it was in the same room and they had the same clothes on but there were more people in the room and now M/n understood why it looked so off to him. The original picture was of Lee Know and Felix in a practice room with Dal and 3 other trainees clearly having just got done practicing. There were two trainees on the other side of Minho, then him with Felix being right beside him and Dal along with the other trainee on the other side of Felix. “This day me and Felix, along with Hyunjin who wasn’t there the whole time, had offered to help some trainees with their dancing and took a picture at the end.”  

“Everything that was said about me dating Dal was indeed false. We aren’t even friends let alone dating. I don’t know where he got the idea that we were or why he came up with this idea to fake like he was dating me. I knew nothing of this situation until today and I’m putting it to rest immediately” He nodded before turning back to Chase. “Well now we have that settled and put to rest. Lee Know and Dal are in fact not dating and everything the said trainee has said has been false. I do have one question though. Are you dating someone?”  

M/n held his breath awaiting his boyfriend's response. He knew this would be when he’d say no, he wasn’t and they’d go back to being a secret and no one knowing that the idol was indeed taken. He was upset knowing that he’d never get to be public about his relationship with Minho. But a very small part of him held hope that he would say he was, although it was unlikely, he subconsciously hoped for it. AJ just smirked and watched his brilliant plan unfold, ignoring the curious gaze from his friend beside him.  

“Actually, yeah I am dating someone, and he is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” The look on the idol's face when he was saying this was one of pure love and happiness. You could tell that he was being genuinely serious about what he said. “Oooo? Who’s the lucky guy?” Chase said, looking at Lee Know waiting for him to spill the tea. “His name is M/n! He’s a popular twitch streamer. We’ve been dating for a while now; I love him so much.”  

M/n was about ready to start crying when he confirmed he saw taken but he definitely started crying when his boyfriend not only said to the world, they were dating but also mentioned him even if he didn't have to. The hate that he was getting would finally stop. He could finally be open and talk about his relationship. He didn't have any other thoughts in his head other than to immediately get to his boyfriend and kiss him silly.  

Some more things were said before they closed up the interview but M/n was no longer interested instead he was hurriedly putting his shoes on, dressed in some shorts and one of Lee Knows hoodies that he had left. He forced AJ up and ushered him to the front door ordering him to drive them to the company, not without complaints from the Hispanic about him being comfortable. By the time they got to the company, the interview was just finishing up. M/n sped into the building as soon as they were parked, with AJ rushing behind him. He had to eventually wait for his best friend because despite how many times he had been to the building he didn’t know where he was going. When he finally got to the room where Lee Know was, he throws all rational thinking to the side and the second Lee Know walked out he jumped on him wrapping his arms and legs around him like a koala making the dancer hurry and support him with his arms under M/n's butt.  

“Omg, I love you so much! I love you I love you I love you!” M/n says with his face hidden in his boyfriend's shoulder starting to tear up again. AJ and the staff members had gone about their business putting things away and doing whatever they had to do, to give the newly public couple some privacy. Lee Know walked into the room that was right beside them and sat in the chair with M/n still in his arms. “I love you too, I’m sorry it took all of this for me to finally do this love.” he kissed the top of the love of his life's head holding him tighter. M/n looked up at him with the biggest smile Minho had seen in weeks, “No it’s okay! The fact that you not only said we were in a relationship but said it was me and confessed your love for me on live where people everywhere can see made up for how long it took!” Before Minho could say anything unless M/n had grabbed his face and kissed him. After the initial kiss, he left a ton of kisses all around the dancer's face smiling brightly. Looking at the smile on his boyfriend's face, all the doubts Minho had in his mind about how his lover was feeling washed away and he knew they would be okay.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors Note: So I combined the last 2 parts into one because A) I really didnt want to write 2 more parts B) My friend who was Beta reading thought it would be better in just one part and C) if it had been three parts I don't think part 3 would have been too long- but anyways I hope you liked it and im sorry this took me so long to write I was struggling to think of new stuff plus writing my book and school and work all on top XD but its finally out now even if it is awhile after I said it would've been posted. (Lmaooo this has been ready since Sept 11 and I’m just now posting it- sorry)

[jamiiviper]

The Jamil Essay

this is a reupload of a post i made a couple of weeks ago - previously it was an external link to a google doc, so it never showed up in any of the twst tags, but i worked so hard on this and i would really love it if more people read it, so i’m reuploading directly to tumblr.

to put it simply, this is a 3.7k word character analysis purely about jamil. and even with a word count like that i wasn’t quite able to cover everything i wanted to say, so who knows, maybe there’ll be a part 2 one day. i’ve also decided i do want to write a kalim version, so i’ll probably start working on that sometime soon! stay tuned!

trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse

jamil is the vice dorm leader of scarabia, who’s been kalim’s caretaker practically since birth. he puts on a facade of not standing out, preferring to remain completely average, and plans his life around kalim’s antics. as we learned in chapter 4, however, his true feelings are that he bears a lot of resentment towards kalim, and that he wants to stand out - he just wasn’t allowed to, as he can never surpass kalim.

in this essay i want to cover not just my personal interpretation of jamil, but also some common misconceptions that people tend to have about him. twitter doesn’t have this problem as much, but with tumblr i’ve found that there are very few jamil stans, especially in the theory and writing communities - meaning it’s quite common for people to misunderstand his character. in the fandom as a whole, it’s common for people to only acknowledge him insofar as “gay for kalim”. 

firstly, jamil’s character development in the main story - i would say he’s arguably the best-developed character in twst, since yana now has enough chapters available to flesh out characters after their main story arc ended. jamil holds very deep-seated resentment against kalim, to the point that he plotted to betray him for probably several years. he plotted to have kalim not just thrown out of nrc, but thoroughly ruin his reputation in the process. after his overblot, those feelings did not magically vanish - far from it. i think earlier twst chapters suffered from arcs being wrapped up a little too neatly post-overblot, but pomefiore’s arc has already proved itself to be the exception and thoroughly covers not just jamil’s continued dislike for kalim, but also the wider consequences for what he did.

since the twst school year begins in september, we know jamil is about 9 months older than kalim. from literally the day kalim was born, jamil’s life has been dedicated to kalim. possibly since the day jamil was born, and he was always fated to be kalim’s caretaker. it may even have been the reason he was born at all. either way, it’s not like he remembers those 9 months. all jamil has ever known is that his sole purpose must be to serve kalim. he must not have desires of his own, he must not do anything for himself - from childhood he was expected to be ready to give up his life for kalim at a moment’s notice. he can’t be good at anything - kalim must always be better (i’ll cover this in more depth in a later paragraph, this philosophy is key to his character). his own parents drilled this into him, even going to the extent of hitting him if he didn’t comply. it seems he has a normal relationship with his family despite this - he bickers with his sister like regular siblings, and pre-overblot he indicated that his desire to be free from servitude wasn’t just about him, he wanted to free his family. nonetheless, the psychological damage his childhood caused him is severe. is it any wonder his unique magic is mind control, when he’s never had an ounce of control over his own life?

moving onto his early teen years, we know both jamil and kalim were severely poisoned at one point, both falling into comas for around two weeks. although we don’t have a timeframe for jamil’s coma, we know kalim’s was when they were around 13 years old. if jamil’s was around this age too - probably a short while afterwards - i think it’s plain to see why jamil’s resentment began to build. he’d have been around the age where he first started to question why his life has to revolve around kalim. why should he be expected to die for someone he doesn’t even like, who’s spoiled and doesn’t realise how much jamil does for him? kalim takes everything for granted: status, friendships, freedom, and jamil is meanwhile left in the shadows with nothing. then one day kalim gets poisoned so badly he falls into a coma - how much do you want to bet jamil was blamed for that, at the age of 13? after that he’s expected to taste-test anything kalim eats beforehand, and eventually starts making all his meals for him because the risk of poison is so high otherwise. then one day he slips up, or it’s an undetectable poison, and jamil is the one to fall into a coma. is anyone blamed for that? does anyone pity jamil outside of his immediate family + kalim? no, probably not. after all, he’s just doing his duty, right? it’s truly… no wonder jamil’s resentment became so intense. he finally has proof that his life truly does not matter. although kalim certainly cares about him, he doesn’t understand jamil’s position. he sees jamil as a friend, an equal; jamil knows this can never be the case, and he also knows kalim is too privileged to ever hope to understand. 

fast forward on a couple of years to jamil receiving his nrc acceptance letter. he thinks that finally, finally he’s going to be free. four years of freedom - and who knows, maybe after that he can be free forever! he can finally excel at his classes and be his true self, without fear of upstaging kalim! 

and then kalim gets accepted a month late. for no reason other than his surname. 

and then kalim gets sorted into his dorm.

it’s a miracle he didn’t just overblot on the spot - but that’s his nature as a scarabia student. careful foresight and planning. this moment was, undoubtedly, the moment he started planning his betrayal. he had his one month of freedom ripped away, just like that. 

oh, don’t forget the fact that not long after, kalim was made dorm leader not because he notably embodies scarabia values at all, but because of nepotism. (side note: most scarabia stans agree kalim does actually reflect scarabia values, just not as obviously as jamil does, but either way jamil himself wouldn’t see it this way. this is a jamil essay so i won’t go in depth about this unless asked to!)

under kalim’s watch, scarabia - known for its intelligence and cunning - is turned into “the party dorm”. this seems to be the fandom’s perception of them too - i mean, just ask any non-scarabia stan what goes on in scarabia, that’s probably the answer they’ll give you. jamil would have probably loved the original scarabia; although we don’t know much about it, we know scarabia students are on a par with octavinelle when it comes to intelligence (paralleling azul’s constant interest in jamil). yet by winter break, scarabia is doing so badly in those same exams that they didn’t even place in the rankings…? without meaning to, kalim clearly harmed scarabia. instead of getting chance to study magic and show off, jamil is now essentially an unpaid, full-time party planner by the time his second year starts.

a few months later, winter break finally arrives, and jamil executes his plan to dethrone kalim. i may have just spent the last two pages defending jamil’s grudge, but his actions themselves are still indefensible. there’s evidence to suggest kalim knew what was occurring on some level - refusing to answer jade’s question about who was hypnotising him proved that 1) he probably had some idea deep down that jamil was betraying him 2) he doesn’t want jamil to get in trouble for it. nonetheless, this does not make what jamil did okay in the slightest, even if kalim allowed it to happen. jamil is, undoubtedly, the bad guy in this situation, no matter how sympathetic his childhood makes you feel. i could go into detail about why kalim acted the way he did, but again, this is jamil-focused.

i’ll skip talking about his overblot, because i covered his hatred for kalim in a lot of depth already and i want to talk about the general aspects of his personality like his desire for praise later on. so moving onto the end of chapter 4, we see jamil’s true self: a snarky, heavily opinionated boy who honestly just wants to be free to be himself.

but just like his freedom, that side of jamil once again only lasts for a brief moment. jamil almost loses everything after his overblot. practically every scarabia student hates him and wants him thrown out of the dorm - even kalim, his sole defender, can’t call him a good person. he’s a traitor. he says he trusts the scarabia students to work out that it’s better for them if he stays, but that day won’t come any time soon, and until then he’s keeping his distance from them all, because their hatred is that strong. if azul truly had been streaming to more people than just jade, his life would have been ruined beyond repair. so what does jamil do? he goes back to serving kalim. as a scarabia student, his foresight is good enough that he knows the option he hates the most is the only one that’ll be good for him in the end. for jamil, being himself is nothing short of a death sentence.

now i’ve talked for far too long about the timeline of his character arc, i can finally get to the good stuff: jamil’s personality, and how it’s changed throughout the stories we’ve seen so far.

the first thing that springs to mind when you think of jamil, other than “snake”, is probably “tired”. or “he’s going to snap”. something along those lines. which... yes, we know he is. he did snap. after chapter 4, this doesn’t seem to have changed too much, but i do get the impression that he’s somewhat less stressed out by kalim. his resentment has dissipated, for the most part (he does still openly insult him, though), so while he does grumble at kalim there’s no suppressed fury behind it. what replaced that fury?

guilt.

in 5-10, jamil tells azul that he intends to continue to obediently follow kalim around in order to restore his reputation, both inside and outside of scarabia. this does of course make him sound pretty selfish (as per usual), and in classic jamil fashion he doesn’t let his true emotions show, so it’s easy to take this at face value and assume he just doesn’t really care. i think in this case, we need to look more at his actions that we see throughout chapter 5. namely, the way it’s being emphasised how he’s silently watching kalim from afar - something he’s always done, yes, but yana seems to be really making a point of it in chapter 5. it’s not just kalim he’s distancing himself from, either. he’s staying away from the rest of the scarabia students too, as mentioned earlier. he never had any friends at all to rely on, even before his overblot. so by doing this, he’s effectively completely isolating himself. he clearly has a lot of thoughts about everything that he’s not sharing with anyone - just listen to the way he sighs at the end of the flashback in 5-10, how annoyed and frustrated he seems. if jamil was telling the truth about just wanting to restore his reputation, he’d probably appreciate kalim’s efforts, even if he dislikes kalim himself. he shouldn’t be upset by kalim persuading the scarabia students to give him another chance. not if he truly just wants to get back to normal. i think on some level, jamil feels incredibly guilty over his actions. he might not have even admitted to himself yet that he feels this way, and by saying things like “i just want to restore my reputation” he’s just trying to convince himself. after all, that’s something he has a history of doing.

ever since jamil’s first introduction, we’ve known jamil lives his life by the philosophy of “not standing out is the best way to succeed”. he hates standing out or receiving any kind of positive attention at all, because he thinks that it’ll only attract trouble. or so we thought, because as we learned from his overblot, jamil desperately wants to stand out. he’s powerful and intelligent, and he wants people to acknowledge that. he wants the praise and recognition he knows he deserves. this means that whenever he said he didn’t want to stand out, he was lying through his teeth - he probably constantly tried and failed to convince himself of this throughout his childhood. during his lab SR story, he even repeats it to himself in his thoughts, like a mantra - “I want to avoid standing out. I can’t be satisfied with this. I cannot be too good, nor fall behind, and neither should I get satisfactory grades or fail. This is the best shortcut to success.”. much like his feelings of guilt, jamil refused to acknowledge how much he truly wanted to show off, even in his own thoughts. he is awful at being honest to himself.

post-ch5, we find out that despite everything, jamil does still hold this philosophy, to some extent. he of course shows off his singing and dancing skills enough to be chosen as a main vocalist, and he says he wants to make a name for himself and show various people just how talented he truly is: kalim, his family, the asims and MC, to name a few. yet in the chapter before that, when kalim compliments his singing and dancing, he’s like “i don’t really want to stand out, but…”. which is honestly a little confusing at first because he does want to. i’d probably interpret it as something along the lines of he wants to show off to the people he cares about, but he still wants to keep his head down in general. so i think that to some extent, maybe he actually has internalised that philosophy now. the one time he truly expressed his desire to stand out, it ended in catastrophe for him. he has this tiny seed of doubt within him now, telling him his parents were right all along. but... he’s working past it, and applying himself as and when he’s comfortable doing so.

going back to him being bad at being honest, jamil’s a pretty big tsundere. there’s one person he does regularly receive praise from: kalim. yet despite desperately wanting to be praised, he often gets annoyed at kalim and tells him something like “this isn’t about me right now” or “what does that have to do with anything?”. plus when the praise is coming from kalim, it’s often in the context of kalim praising him to other people - as a servant, he can’t be seen accepting all these compliments, right? he can never be better than kalim. so he has to reject kalim’s praise. when it’s just the two of them alone, though, is when jamil gets embarrassed to the point he has to hide his blush under his hood. given his childhood, chances are that he doesn’t really know how to process being praised. he knows he wants people’s approval, but when he actually gets it, he just short-circuits. it was the same at his birthday celebration; although he wants to be the centre of attention, when it actually happens, he gets all embarrassed and tsun. i was trying not to let my own personal feelings spill in this but oh my god he’s so cute i can’t

next... this isn’t really linked to any previous topic, but i want to talk about jamil’s cooking! jamil cooks all of kalim’s meals, and regularly cooks entire feasts for kalim’s parties, too (as well as being in charge of getting any animals kalim wants to show off, decorating the dorm, making sure everything runs smoothly… you get the idea). his cooking is very good, and he has a lot of technical knowledge about cooking too - azul, whose parents run a restaurant, didn’t know about emulsification, but jamil was able to explain it to him. despite being so good, though, according to his dorm SSR homescreen lines he doesn’t actually like cooking very much. he says the fact that he cooks so much is “just how things turned out”. of course, he could just be being a tsun, but i do feel like he’s being honest with this - what reason does he have to seriously enjoy something he was forced into doing his entire life? However there is evidence that he might enjoy it after all; he’s particularly good at alchemy because of his cooking knowledge, and according to magical archives he’s completely neutral in motivation for both flying and history lessons, but has slightly higher motivation levels for alchemy, indicating that he can’t stop himself from putting a little bit extra effort into that class. i think it can be interpreted either way with the canon info we have currently, but regardless i would not say he’s the cooking fanatic people often depict him as. 

also, when jamil cooks, although his cooking is good, visually it’s usually very boring, to the point he and his sister would bicker over it. he has the technical skills to cook good food, but no idea how to present it. similarly, in his fairy gala SR he was told that although he perfectly memorised the dance, it was boring to watch - it looked like he was just executing the routine without any passion behind it. jamil is so emotionally repressed that he has no idea how to express his individuality. even in his bedroom, the only truly personal items he owns are a first aid kit (related to his servant position, not him as a human being) and a stereo + headphones set for dancing. he doesn’t have any other hobbies or interests - he doesn’t even know what people his age do for fun, because he’s never been allowed to think about such things. 

dancing is all jamil has that’s not directly related to serving kalim, really - but even that ties into his servant status. although he genuinely enjoys it nowadays and dances by himself for fun, he only picked it up as a hobby because kalim wanted to go to dance practice, and of course jamil had to accompany him. when his flashback after his overblot talks about him deliberately losing to kalim, the story focuses specifically on a dancing competition. which is why it’s honestly so important to jamil’s character that chapter 5 focuses on a singing and dancing competition. jamil finally has the chance not just to show off his skills in general, but his skills at the one thing he’s been allowed to love throughout his life. the one thing where losing to kalim at it hurt so much that it was such a prominent memory for him. when jamil was chosen as a main vocalist, he instinctively tries to say kalim would be better suited for the position, but stops himself and accepts it. it clearly means so much to him that he was chosen for this.

okay i started to scare people with how long this was getting when it was only 50% finished, i think if i write anymore people will actually be concerned for my health so i’ll leave it here. if you read all of this, thank you so much for putting up with my anime boy brainrot for over six full pages! i really.. really like jamil. again, i most certainly do not think his actions should be defended, but god if they’re not fascinating to read about. and i hope i covered the other sides to him well enough, the things that you’d never ordinarily pick up on because so few people talk about him outside of him and kalim as a pair (both platonic scarabia + romantic jamikali, i mean). he has so much depth to him that people don’t see and god i could easily have gone on for another few pages if i wasn’t forcing myself to stop. but please please talk to me if you want to hear more...

yana has treated him so well, jamil stans get too much food if anything but i’m absolutely thriving off it as you can see! thank you for allowing him to exist, yana-sensei!

having said that, i couldn’t stop myself from adding some extra facts about him below. please enjoy.

some fun jamil facts for your soul:

his sister used to bake him cookies on his birthday - specifically, these!

when jamil and kalim went to eat at the cafeteria with ruggie and leona, leona took one look at jamil and went “you look like you’d kill kalim in his sleep”

sebek and jamil find each other’s positions enviable. sebek wishes he could have been by malleus’ side from birth as jamil was with kalim, and jamil just… wishes he served someone he respected as deeply as sebek respects malleus (but he does think sebek is too enthusiastic)

jamil hates surprises with a burning passion, and despite being with kalim for 17 years is still not used to them. for his previous birthday, kalim held a huge surprise party, and i think he still hasn’t recovered from the shock

i think a lot of people already know that in his birthday SSR story he said he wanted a parrot after graduation so he could teach it to call him master, but it goes a bit further than that? it was actually first mentioned during his lesson chats, when kalim gets a parrot. jamil has to research how to care for it, and ended up wanting one of his own afterwards (but got too tsundere to admit it at the time).

also, he heard that the sorcerer of the sands’ parrot (iago) could speak as fluently as a human, and he got excited and watched a bunch of parrot videos on magicam, but was of course disappointed to find out that this was not the case.

he frequently uses flattery to try and get his way, like when he attempts to flatter vil during his SSR story - unfortunately he misjudged vil, as vil’s actually the type of person who hates meaningless flattery. because he does this so frequently, when he genuinely does give compliments people don’t always believe him.

according to the halloween event, jamil is surprisingly environmentally conscious, and insists on holding a sustainable halloween theme. after organising so many parties and seeing the waste they probably produce, i think there’s no wonder he’s so concerned about it.

[staticscreenwriting]

I don’t love you // Chapter 1

Chapter One - Bluebird 

Synopsis: Jess is over Rory, only he’s not. Olivia is tired of trying to find the one piece missing from her life, only she’s not. A wedding, a bus ride, a lost notebook and an unforseen offer bring these two together and spark the idea that maybe the best people do enter your life in the most unexpected ways. A/N: I’ve uploaded parts of this story before on a blog specifically dedicated to it but I want most of my writing in one place so here’s a reupload. This is NOT a literati fic! 

" There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him,I say, stay in there,

I'm not going to let anybody see you. "

- Bluebird (Charles Bukowski)

There was an ice cold beer clutched in his hand, half empty already, and a lady to his right that had been trying to engage in a conversation about the weather for the last 15 minutes. None of that really mattered, none of that he really acknowledged.

There was only her. Her dancing and laughing and singing along to the cheesy pop songs he knew she'd never admit to liking but secretly sang along to at home when she thought no one was watching. Her and the way her hair that had been perfectly pinned back earlier was now slowly coming undone, strands framing her perfect face that had changed so much and yet so little in all this time.

Her and her all consuming, breathtaking, heart shattering beauty. Her and all the memories of all the feelings that had ever been there and would always be there.

God, he was so screwed.

This was the "I love you" all over again, the Yale visit, the open house. He had honestly thought he had left this part of his past behind. That he was over her. He had tried over and over and it never ended with a happily ever after for him, not with her. Maybe they just weren't meant to be.

He had really thought he'd learned his lesson and yet here he was staring at her and wondering if he'd ever completely get over her or if he might be doomed to forever be in love with Rory Gilmore.

" You know if you keep staring at her any longer it's gonna change from kinda cute to downright creepy, right ?! " he heard his younger cousin's voice speak up as she plopped down in the seat to his right, the weather lady had apparently gotten the hint that he was not interested in a conversation with her and had wandered off at some point.

" What do you know ? Aren't you busy being edgy, smoking, finding yourself ? " he replied and gave April little smirk and a friendly shove with his shoulder. She was a peculiar one his cousin, had been since the first time he'd met her but she'd done a lot of growing up over the years and had turned from a strange kid into quite the smart and witty adult, pseudo hippy phase and all.

" Haha, aren't you funny, Jess. Seriously though, what's up with the longing looks ? "

" Ah you know, just figuring out that I'm still in love with the girl I dated when I was in high school. The girl that made me change into the person I am today. The girl that is the sole reason I became a better person. " Is what he thought but there was no way in hell Jess would ever talk about his feelings. Ever. " Don't know what you're talking about. "

" Sure you don't. Just sayin' you could go over there and actually talk to her instead of glaring a hole through her head."

That he could do, but what would he say ?

"Hey Rory, sorry to interrupt but I just realized that part of me is still madly in love with you. " ?

" Oh hi there Rory, been watching you all night wondering if we ever stood a chance, wondering if we still might stand one. Wondering if this could ever be us, getting married and all that. " ?

Those were the things that were ghosting through his head but he'd be damned if he ever told those to anyone, especially Rory. He'd tried that before, multiple times, and look how that turned out. To be fair one of those times he ran off, but that was only that one time.

No, there really wasn't anything he could tell her that would change anything about this situation. She had enough on her plate as it was, she was writing a book for god's sake and if anyone knew how stressful and chaotic that time is, it was Jess. The last thing she'd need was him bringing up old feelings and confusion.

" There's nothing to talk about. "

" Okay, James Dean. I know that whole repressing your emotions deal runs in the family and works well with the grumpy mysterious guy image you're trying to maintain but that needs to stop. You're clearly still into this girl and I'm not gonna sit here and watch you throw away what might be your last shot at your epic love story. "

" Oh Jesus when did you start getting so corny. Does Lorelei make you watch 80s romcoms when you're over at their place ? Does Luke know she's doing this to you ? "

" Jess, I'm serious. Sometimes you gotta fight for the things you want. "

For the first time in a while Jess left his gaze drift from Rory and turned towards his cousin.

" I'm 33 years old, April. I'm done fighting over girls, fighting for girls. Things either work out or they don't and they obviously didn't for me and her. "

" But what if you're her Luke ? "

" What if I'm not ? What if I don't want to be ? I don't want her to settle for me after years and years of trying. I want to be a conscious decision. For once in my life I want someone to chose me. Not because of a feeling of guilt or nostalgia or comfort or because they feel like they owe me or because they feel responsible. I'm done with this. I can't do it all over again. "

A silence settled upon them as neither of them really knew where those words had suddenly come from. If there was one thing you didn't except from Jess Mariano it was as sudden outburst of honest emotions.

" Okay. "

" Okay ? "

" Okay, I get it. I didn't mean to push you to do something you don't want to do. I just wanted to help. I want you to be happy. "

" I am happy. "

" Are you ? "

Was he ? Yeah. Sure. Truncheon was going well, he liked his job, liked his coworkers, his friends. He had his own little apartment & his own car. He was in the process of coming up with ideas for a second book. He wasn't particularly phased by the fact that he'd been single for a while now either. Whenever he felt like it Jess had no problem sweet talking a girl at a bar. Girls, he had found out a while ago, were totally into the broody writer persona.

Was he truly happy though ? He didn't know.

" Yeah. "

" Okay. "

" Look, April. You know I'm not big on the whole family reunion stuff, especially here in Stars Hollow where half the population still holds a grudge against me. I came for Luke but he and Lorelei ran off a while ago so there's really no harm in me leaving too, right ? "

It was the truth, Jess wasn't particularly thrilled about returning to the Connecticut town he'd spend some time in as a teenager, but there was no way in hell he could've said no to Luke. The man had done more for him than anyone in his entire life, his mom included. He'd been one of the few who'd believed in him when even Jess himself had almost lost hope that he'd ever amount to something. He owed Luke so much and showing up to his wedding was the least he could do.

" You've been drinking. "

" Last bus is leaving in 20 minutes. "

" To Philly ? That's a long ass drive, Jess. Are you sure you don't wanna crash at the apartment above Luke's and leave tomorrow ? "

" I got a book with me, it'll be fine. No offense April, but if I don't leave now I'm just getting sucked back into things that I should've left behind a long time ago."

" What about your car ? "

" I was thinking, maybe my favorite cousin would like to come visit me in Philadelphia before she goes back home, and maybe she could bring my car with her? " April stared at him for a moment and Jess could see the gears turning in her head, trying to come up with an idea to get him to stay. His mind was made up though, if he'd stay he'd have to get drunk and if there was one place Jess Mariano didn't want be drunk at, it was the town center of Stars Hollow with his ex girlfriend in close proximity.

" Alright " April said and let out a defeated sigh " Be careful and don't talk to any sleazy looking guys. "

" Yeah okay, mom. " Jess replied and took a last sip on his now empty bottle of beer.

As he got up off the chair, Jess' glance wandered back over to Rory. He could go after her, fight for her, show her the man he was today and how this was all for her. He could. But he didn't. Because he was scared ? Maybe. But also because he was just tired. Tired of running after the same girl over and over again. Always failing.

" Just so you know, I don't think you're doing the right thing. Just running from your emotions. " April spoke up. " Well cousin, I don't think you're doing the right thing getting your nose pierced and acting like a pothead when they could probably sell you oregano without you noticing. Yet here I am, accepting your decisions. "

" You're an ass. " April responded as a small smirk tugged at the corners of her lips.

" That's family. Thought you'd be used to that by now. Seriously though, don't worry about me kid. "

" That's family, Jess. We always worry. Thought you'd be used to that by now " She replied with a smile before walking away, back into the sea of Stars Hollow residents that were singing and dancing to some obscure 90s popsong.

This family, his family, was quite honestly a mess. It was a family though, something he hadn't had for the longest time. And no matter how strange or broken over overly intrusive or annoying they were, they meant the world to him. Because they were his people and to them, to Luke and April he was a conscious decision. It was their decision to care and to worry and Sometimes you gotta admit defeat.

With one last look towards Rory, the girl that changed it all, Jess turned his back towards the gazebo covered in dozens of fairy lights and the quirky town that surrounded it and took on the walk towards the bus stop. Maybe April was right and he was just running from his emotions and his crippling fear of rejection. But so what ? Sometimes you gotta let yourself be scared to save yourself from pain.

Sometimes you gotta run.

[franeridart]

Your colors lately are even more beautiful!!! Your art is amazing!

AHHHH thank you!!! so much!!!!!! I have, admittedly, finally been putting more effort into them haha it’s good to know it’s noticeable! ;;

Anon said:My dude, I want to own Bakugou's shirt in that Kamino squad drawing

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy you liked it!!!!! :D

Anon said:What do you think of Kaminari x Ibara or Toga x Twice?

I don’t really have strong feelings about either, honestly :O but the only person I really ship Ibara with is Tetsu, and I can’t say I’m much into villain-shipping in general

Anon said:Have you read Sweater Weather by crispykrimi?

Nope, I don’t really read tddk fics, sorry ^^’’

Anon said:Do you think kirishima goes to izuku and they talk about their relationships?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm honestly, while I realize that Kiri and Deku are on friendly terms, given canon I’d say if Kirishima needs to talk to anyone about stuff he’s gonna go to either Baku, Kami, Sero, Tokoyami or Mina, since those are the people we’ve seen him open up to, in canon! Same goes for Deku, if he gotta open up to someone it’s gonna be Iida, Todoroki or Uraraka :0 well, it’s not like it’s impossible for them to talk about it, but I can see it happen more in a possible future where they’ve grown closer than they are atm in canon! At least imho haha

Anon said:I just wanna say that I’ve been following you for a pretty long time (since the tattoo au was just starting I think) and you’re art just continues to improve and look amazing as time goes on. I’ve always loved it but these past couple days I saw some of ur recent stuff and was just blown away bc it looks so good. Thanks for drawing and sharing ur art w us, I love seeing it!! I hope u have a good day!!!

THAT SURE IS A LONG TIME!!! I’m so happy to hear you stuck around that long aaahhhhhh ;; and thank you so so so much for the compliment, oh my god!!

Anon said:have you ever considered kiribaku getting hit by someone w/ a body-swapping quirk?

I have! It’s a trope I find real funny - but I’ve also seen a whole lot of art/fics for that topic already, would people even seriously be interested in seeing more? It looks like the type of thing that’s gonna come out more or less always the same, which is why I never really bothered to draw out my ideas haha

Anon said:Your kids!au makes me wanna write so bad.

THAT’S GOOD!!! Inspiring people is the best thing I could ever ask for!!!! (...remember to credit back to the post if you use any of my ideas tho ;; pls)

Anon said:Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! I love love love looovee the kiribaku kids!!!!!!!!! Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!

THANK YOU!!!! I’m super happy you like themmm!!!!!

Anon said:Hey:) just wanted to leave you a note to let you know how much i adore the way you draw Tamaki. Of course I love your kiribakus and bnha art in general, like your comics, but not a lot of people draw Tamaki and I really love yours:)

Holy smokes thank you!!!! Jiki is actually incredibly comfortable to draw, I’m glad you like my take on him! I’ve got so many unfinished sketches of him.... I should really try to finish those...................

Anon said:so this ask is like,, basically a huge appreciation ask for your comics bc they're cute and funny and they always light up my day!! on a side note: are you franeridan on ao3 bc if so I'm dying thank you for bookmarking my fics

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yes I am!!!! whatever fics they were if I bookmarked them they were for sure incredibly amazing and made my day better so thank you so much for using your time to write them!!!!!

Anon said:may i ask the heights of teenage mako and tai!!

Mako is just a little bit under 2m and Tai’s ~170cm! As things are then, Mako’s a lil bit taller than both Baku and Kiri while Tai is obviously shorter!

Anon said:i used your art for reference. is it ok if i post it crediting you and saying you drew the picture that i took reference from?

Sure, if it’s just for reference and credited I don’t mind! (but if you were using my stuff for pose references may I suggest you avoid doing that in the future cause my anatomy is absolutely terrible you’re just gonna end up making my same mistakes aaahhhhhhhhhhh ;; there’s lotsa more accurate refs around, believe me)

Anon said:please draw more shinsou he looks amazing in your style!!

Thank you! And sure, in the future why not!!

Anon said:Just wanted to let you know that I was scrolling through your bokuroo tag and 1) Aaaah I'm still so in love with how you draw kuroo and 2) I love how I can see the way your art style has improved over time and it's just so nice to see?? Bless your art so much and you're such a great person too I'm cry

SOB thank you so much oh my god, this really means the world to me???? ;; so many compliments holy smokes bless you

Anon said:Hi! I'm the anon that sent you the message about the A Day to Remember song for KiriBaku, and found another awesome song for them - Let Me Be by Escape the Fate. It's super cute and sappy for an alt/hardcore band and it fits Kiri more than Baku, imo, but could honestly come from either of their perspectives. ~SongAnon :)

AH GODS that’s sweet ;O; how come hardcore bands always go so soft on their ballads I cry - I feel it works perfectly from Baku’s pov too, tho!! Let him be Kiriiiiiii ;;; sweet

Anon said:I just wanted to say that I love your art and style as a whole, but I really really appreciate the way you draw Kirishimas eyebrows... like they look so simple but,,, they truly make my day 💕

Kirishima’s tiny eyebrows!!!! I’m glad you like them, they’re weirdly expressive and easy to draw honestly hahaha

Anon said:your art is shit //no no no nonno oo fdjsakfl;d I MEANT THE SHIT your art is the shit fjkdsa i'm so sorry i love you and your art this is why i can never compliment anyone ahhhhhhh //i'm crying omg i saw someone else send a separate ask to someone elase that was like your art is shit but it is the shit and i was like whoaaa how cool but noooooo jfsdakldsfa kms i'm sorry

This was a bit of a trainwreck ngl haha but it’s okay anon!!! It was an honest mistake, don’t worry too much about it!!! Thank you so so so much for liking my stuff

Anon said:Hi erm I believe that YouTuber "AnimeUproar" used your kinoko komori fanart without crediting you and I'm not sure whether you gave him permission. The title of the video is "EVERY QUIRK EXPLAINED! | Class 1-B (My Hero Academia / Boku no Hero Academia All Quirks)" // Same anon as before and he also used your Setsuna art in the same video. The kinoko art had your watermark cut off while the other one didn't but they still have no credit anywhere and I'm not sure whether you have permission. Sorry if you did and I'm just being stupid lmao but it's the same YouTuber and the same video in case you want to message him

If it’s not credited you can be sure I didn’t give them the green light to use it, honestly - but, you know. Whatever. I’m tired. Let them use it. It’s a video so it’s not even like people can save it and reupload it anywhere else. sigh

Anon said:I am like 2000 years late but,, your bakubaby sketches saved my life wow they’re so cute

*cries forever* thank you !!!!!!!!!!!! ;;O;;

Anon said:All of ur art especially recently is just??? Blowing me away?? Oh my god?? I just your coloring and then that fantasy one holy fuck the DETAILS I feel like I can touch it it's so good I can tell you put a lot of time into it it shows it shows so much god it's so high quality I'M STILL !?!?! your art seems to get better all the time thank youuuuuu for blessing us w it it's so incredibly lovely ahhhhhhhhh

I’M SO HECKING HAPPY YOU LIKED THAT ONE cause it really took forever honestly - it was fun from start to end so it’s fine, but, you know, it’s cool to see it was worth it haha thank you so so much for the complimentsss!!!!

Anon said:I love your art so much :') it makes me so happy whenever I get a notification from your blog

I still can’t believe people really have notifs on for this blog oh my g o d ;u; thank you

Anon said:I just wanted the share, that I came across your art in a trash, and scrolled down your blog looking for more, and I liked it so much that I decided to follow you... Only to find past self already did whoops haha. So I liked you enough to follow you twice!

THAT’S SO COOL!!! Holy smokes!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! °O°

Anon said:I just went thru your whole art tag chronologically and omg you've come so far! Every time your art crosses my dash I smile and I'm happy every time I see it!

Have I? I have!! Sometimes I look at my really old art and I hate it and want to delete it but then I’m like, comparing it to the new stuff makes me feel good about it so it’s still there - that does mean sometimes people are gonna see the old stuff too, tho #rip I’m sorry you had to see that stuff, but thank you a lot for thinking I got better!!!!

Anon said:I love how Jirou's eyes look in your style. (How everything about her looks, too.) Damn, she's a stunner, isn't she?

*whispers* she is oh my g o d !!! I love Jirou. She’s just. So goodlooking. Gods. I’m glad you think she looks good in my style!!!

Anon said:ur momo and jirou are so beautiful!!! 💙 if i wasnt already as gay as it gets id have a major enlightenment rn ahhh

GOSH!!!! thank you so much!!!! :D

Anon said:have you considered... minamomo and/or kyooru

Never before Jirou and Tooru, actually, but I have thought about Mina and Momo and I’m still unsure about where that ship even came from. Like, not in the sense that I think it’s a bad ship, but in the sense that I really don’t understand it :0 why do you like Mina and Momo, anon? There’s so many people shipping it, I’m curious about where it came from! But every time I asked I got no answer #rip I wanna be interested in it, help me understand why it should be interesting!

Anon said:Have you ever considered Aoyama x Sero?? 10/10 recommend.

I haven’t! Mostly cause I generally hc Aoyama as ace, really - but that’s an interesting ship I might think about more :O

Anon said:I finally started reading BNHA again after dropping it in May and HOLY SHIT DID I MISS A LOT!! JUST THAT ARC WAS INSANE??

I know right??? I KNOW RIGHT????? I loved that arc from start to end, no lies anywhere, such a genuinely good arc!!! 

Anon said:Hey fran, I just wanted to say that I like your art very much and that I love to see how much you are improving as time goes on. You are doing great. ♥

So many people telling me that I’m improving oh my g o d it makes me so happy ;u; thank you so so much

Anon said:ahhhh i loved your aokaga drawings, they're the cutest and I hope you make more of them being cute together!!!!

Eek, sorry anon but I’m really not into making content for that ship anymore ;^; I’m glad you still like the old things, tho!!

Anon said:I really wanted to tell you that I love your art so much I can't even explain. It cures my anxiety and I'm not kidding. When I feel down and shitty, I just go through your blog and your fanarts make my day (my favorite ever is your bokuro). The way you put the emotions into characters gives me life, honestly. Thank you for your art

THIS MEANS!!! THE WORLD!!!! TO ME!!!!! Knowing that I can help you like that is such a good feeling anon, holy heck!! Thank you so much for liking my things and sending this ask!!!

Anon said:heyo tell us abt some kami angst hcs :)))) tenk youu

Anon............. love............... whatever in this blog made you think I might have angst headcanon about anything..................... I’m the most fluff person around............

Anon said:That idea you had about making hagakure's costume out of her hair or something like mirio's!!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA IVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE!! You're so smart! I LOVE IT

THANK YOU BUT IT WASN’T JUST MY IDEA!!! After Mirio explained his costume the idea was floating around on my dash a lot, it just made sense to a bunch of us!!

[sister-location]

hi! i know you probably have a lot of asks right now, but i wanted to get some clarification on something. what exactly do we know about remnant? do we know anything except that it's what the scuper was designed for?

Yes and No!

The secret ‘insanity’ ending is the only time we ever see Remnant being mentioned. But we need to keep in mind that like with everything else in FNAF, being directly told about something is just meant to be a hint to look for context clues!

Longer post under the cut because there’s a lot to be said here and it’s image heavy because I just woke up!

edit: I realized partway through this that gameverse Afton might be injecting himself with whats essentially robo-ghost blood and it’s really fucking funny to me, sorry for obviously laughing about this for the entire post.

First up we see the SCUPer, A B C and D functions, and the Afton Robotics, LLC trademark. Let’s go over them!

NAME: S.caleable C.reation of U.lterior P.resence

Ok so you can see that either Afton or Scott are really weird with names, because this.. is honestly weird word choices, but they sure made it fit the ice cream theme. Rammed it right in there. But let me work these words down;T.his M.achine M.akey G.hosties. Call it Thingmmagig.

Scalable Creation refers to being able to generate more [ghosts] and likely also be able to remove (or relocate..?) [ghosts]. Ulterior Presence is.. actually a little funny, because it means ‘Secret Secret Ghosts’ kind of. And honestly these ghosts aren’t really hidden, unless you count that no one was sure if the Funtime animatronics were haunted or not. Maybe in-universe, the fact these robots were haunted at all was a huge secret and only like, 4 people knew. Maybe to everyone else, blood and mucus coming out of robots is normal. Whatever.

BLUEPRINT PART A: EXCAVATING ARM

No bonus data given, this is just the weird… partial cylinder. I’m not sure why A wasn’t put on the actual folding arm structure. Maybe the A is on the end because that is the part that, well, scoops you. slurp

BLUEPRINT PART B: REMNANT INJECTOR

NOTES: Leaves trace line amount on interior. Over-usage /Over-exposure negates effect.

Honestly the fact that there’s an ‘injector’ here somewhere is weird because it seems Scott made this thing really lowpoly and didn’t add much if anything when he went ‘lets make this a blueprint!’ because there’s clearly no… tubes, or needles, or… hell maybe the whole things hollow and it just kinda opens a hatch and it gloops out. I can’t see scott

Anyway this part of the blueprint identifies that.. somehow, there is an injector!So not only does this blueprint have one, we also now know that, yeah, there is a reason to inject people with whatever ‘remnant’ is. People and/or machines. So it clearly has some sort of reaction when placed inside other substances, and… actually why isn’t the SCUPr itself haunted. Scott probably didn’t think of that…. Moving on.

BLUEPRINT PART C: ARM BASE AND BALANCE

It seems that both wheel-shapes are just balances, given how low the D is. Weird design but not an important part of the machine, aside from making it sturdier while it tears things open.

BLUEPRINT PART D: REMNANT RESERVOIR

NOTES: When heated, no observable motion. Keep in heated tank at sustained temperature. Substance should be malleable, but not more. There is a possibility that overheating might neutralize the effects permanently. 

Here’s the juicy stuff. Remnant is something that moves, and when heated, it stops moving and softens up. If it gets too hot, it neutralizes ‘effects’. So now we know that whatever Remnant is, it’s heat sensitive and moves on it’s own, so it’s alive in some way. People who have looked at the game files might remember something like that… 

Also a weird fact here is that heating may neutralize the effects, but isn’t clear on what effects, or if it means while they’re in the tank or not. This could either mean that the remnants will get heat-resistant in the tank, which us unlikely, or…

Whoever uses Remnants for the SCUPr’s intented purpose needs to be kept cool at all times, or the effect, which we assume to be immortality, will wear off. What’s a coolant that we have in all games, and are only able to disable in FNAF 6? The fucking fan. THE FAN KEEPS MICHAEL AFTON ALIVE, LITERALLY. In theory anyway thats just a theory … but god would it make some god damn sense. 

—————————————————————————

FACIAL RECOGNITION FILE 0072

Remnant is also mentioned in this blueprint!

SECURITY TAGS ACTIVE:001 “Funtime Freddy”002 “Funtime Foxy”003 “Ballora”

It’s unclear here if the numbers are the security tags (which implies funtime freddy is the first animatronic on the tag system, ever?) or if Henry was just absolutely prepared to have to write blueprints on a 100-tag hell machine. It’s probably just aesthetics. Either way, as referenced in LEFTE’s blueprints, all of the animatronics have security tags, or bracelets, or security receivers.. actually it’s likely

Henry’s robots: Security Receivers are so animatronics, Toys especially, can connect to each other to keep out bad people and protect children.

Afton’s robots: Security tags, so he knows where the robots are at all times, and doesn’t let the robots escape.

FE/AR Staff: Security bracelets so the robots know the difference between staff and patrons, and theoretically know staff by name. You guys know the theory that Lefty is submitting Henry’s frequency to the Puppet / his daughter? Shit’s sad. 

That aside, come to think of it, would William have sent Michael a bracelet with his number on it, just to make sure the robots think Michael ‘looks’ like him to the animatronics? Michael goes through a lot of name changes over the series, but it’s possible. Maybe? 

Anyway the main point here is that Molten Freddy is Freddy, Foxy and Ballora (Chica? Suzie?). No Minireenas, no Bonnie hand puppet, no pre-Ennard, no Yenndo, and especially no Circus Baby.

Priority One 

With the most amount of Remnant collectively in it’s structure, this amalgamation of Afton’s constructs is a necessary element of Paragraph 4.

Paragraph 4′s direct meaning still isn’t really clear aside from that it has to do with the end of the game where Henry sets fire to Molten Freddy, Circus Baby, Springtrap and Lefty/his daughter, setting them all free. Of course with Molten Freddy being multiple spirits together, he’s the top priority: Even if Henry can’t stop the Aftons or save his daughter, he needs to save the most kids he can.

That said, note the wording: The most amount of Remnant. Not ‘the most spirits’ or ‘Likely to have the most attachments’ or anything clearly stating dead kids: the most Remnant. So although Remnant was only stated in Afton’s SCUPer blueprints, Henry is not only aware of what Remnant is, he clearly knows how it works, and how to remove the haunting ‘effect’: Heat. Fire. 

This implies that Henry may have still worked with Afton even while Afton was doing a side job with Afton Robotics, despite Henry saying he built at least some of the robots. It’s very unlikely Henry would build.. child-grabby machines, so we’re assuming here that they just.. both made robots. At the same time. Oh timelines…

—————————————————————————

SO WHAT IS REMNANT?

In short, Remnant is some sort of life essence that may or may not always mean ghosts. The way we see the SCUPer work, through Circus Baby’s lines and Ballora’s scene in the Springsuit game (which the springsuit was distracting you!), is that the Funtime Animatronics capture kids in some way, ‘malfunction’, are taken to the SCUPer, and have the remnants of the kid scooped out. 

Why don’t we see some kid’s corpse get mangled up and slurped out when we see Ballora get scooped? Well, maybe she opened up just off screen, orr it’s that it’s a kid’s game. There’s probably a better reason here, I just am not sure what it is. 

Here’s a brightened gif of her being Scooped, which I was too lazy to reupload.

The eye color might be from my de-blueing it, so I won’t bring that up.However, what we see in the scooping process is odd. It’s not really a scoop, she just looks like she got uppercut in the face, twice for some reason. And that whatever the scooper’s doing, it’s causing a flash of light each impact. Whatever it’s doing seems to take a lot of ‘energy’ from Ballora, since she slumps over after as if she’s tired, but is clearly still possessed… or at least has the energy to be creepy while the Real Ballora is now inside the Scooper’s Excavating Arm. 

It’s important here however to remember Scott’s intended view of this sprite:

This. This is all you get. By the time the faceplates open up, Ballora’s already staring at you slumped over. However, something also hidden by the faceplates, that perhaps Baby was specifically hiding from you, is something that isn’t present on the sprite. Because when different objects animate on their own, Scott makes them their own little object and spritesheet in game. 

Because anything moving down there, you wouldn’t see them. Something wiggling, moving, because the scooper is extracting them, and they’re just not warm yet. Something that, just like the Insanity ending, we’re not supposed to see. 

[fanfictionlive]

I regret writing my most popular fic

So I've been very lucky to always have feedback and a following for my fics and I'm super thankful for that, and every comment I receive. I love when my fics take off in my fandom and it always makes me feel super special. But with one fic I wrote over a year ago now, it feels like it's gotten to be too much and I'm just tired.

I write a lot of fics on Tumblr, and I had this one fic that I wrote on a post about a headcanon, just expanding the concept into a super self-indulgent fic. I wrote it in the car on my phone and I can say now it was ridiculously cheesy, but I wrote it for me and I didn't expect anything to come of it outside of the usual response I got. But that fic I guess really resonated with my fandom and it took off. The post now has over 70k. Since the post wasn't originally made by me, I didn't get notifications for the post and I would instead constantly check it as it got more and more attention. I got asks and followers and it made me feel so cool and popular for a week.

But it's gotten annoying and I'm just tired of it. I'm only known as "the person who wrote [iconic fic]" and I feel like I have so many better fics. That one wasn't even written that well and I've improved so much, both with my concept and my writing style. People still send me asks and @ me on Tumblr about the fic. Seeing the reactions has soured me to positive reactions to my stuff in general, but I never feel like people are being sincere.

And even worse, it's been uploaded to other sites without my permission. The fic also went viral on Instagram and Pinterest and was reuploaded to Ao3, even though I had uploaded it to Ao3 myself on my Ao3 account. And those are just the ones I've been told about from people excitedly messaging me and telling me they found my fic on a different platform. It's a smack in the face that no one bothered to ask me, and even more that, the fic wasn't given the trigger warnings I had attached to it on Tumblr on the other sites. (It wasn't a dark fic, but darker themes were mentioned) I might be bitter about it because when I did track down the fic on Instagram, some of the comments were actually quite mean, but the whole thing was just shitty to me.

I know a lot of it all sounds whiney and very "woo is me", but I'm just tired of the stupid fic. I've written things leagues better and yet it's what I'm known for in my fandom and I honestly sometimes wish I had never even written it. I think people only even enjoyed it for how indulgent it was and how easy it was to project onto. Which was what I liked about it myself, but now I just dread getting a notification of someone complimenting my writing just to see that dumb thing again. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I hate it and I hate not being able to complain about it without seeming dramatic and attention-seeking.

submitted by /u/The_Arsonist_Queen [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2WAdPKt

[swtltlmrvlgrl]

I’m Home

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 3, 261

Warning/s: Mentions of death, Shouting, Violence, Angst and a little Fluff

Summary: Reader got sick so Steve decided to put her out of a mission, but reader doesn’t like it and ended up having a fight with his best friend, Steve. Steve asked Bucky to take care of her (bringing all the fluff into the story).Eventually, feelings were revealed. (Whose feelings? You’ll know once you read it ;) )

A/N: This was previously uploaded in a different tumblr account, but she deactivated (and I miss her soooooo! :( ) so reuploaded it here. I submitted this for a Christmas drabble challenge wherein we right a fic based on a Christmas song. Mine’s Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. (Y/N = Your Name, Y/F/N = Your Full Name)

A day before Christmas and the cold climate got into your system, now you have cough and cold. You were lying on your bed when you heard F.R.I.D.A.Y from the speakers.

“Good day, Ms. Y/F/N. The Captain wants everyone to the conference hall now. Hydra seemed to have attacked a certain facility by the north coast.”

“Wow. Those Hydra agents really don’t know the meaning of ‘holidays’, do they? Okay F.R.I.D.A.Y, tell Steve I’ll be coming down in two min -  ah choo!”

“It seems that you are sick Ms. Y/F/N, do you want me to tell the captain?”

“No need. I don’t really want to miss out on my missions, especially if it’s a day before Christmas.”

You changed your clothes, blew your nose and headed down to the conference room. When you entered the room, Tony, Natasha, Sam and Bucky were already in there. The other Avengers took off and spent the holiday off with their loved ones.

“Looks like someone’s a little early for Christmas, the chimney’s that way, Rudolph” Tony said.

“Shut up, Stark.”

You decided to seat beside Bucky, who was typing something in his tablet.

“Hey, Buck.”

“Hi, doll.” he greeted, still looking at his tablet.

Bucky knew that you hated that pet name, and you would usually say something witty in return, but you didn’t and that fact made him take his eyes away from his tablet and then to you.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine, Buck, just a little cold. Why’d you ask? Is the winter soldier afraid of catching a little cold? ” you said, then forced smirk.

Just when Bucky was about to say something back, Steve entered the room. He looked around the conference room then he looked at you. He then looked at Bucky and it looked like they were having a psychokinetic conversation of some sort, which lasted for couple of minutes. Somehow, your gut tells you that they’re psychokinetically talking about you, making you cough in response (or at least that’s what you think). This caught Steve’s attention. He looked at you again and asked,

“Y/N.  Are you okay? You don’t look very well.”

“I’m fine, Steve. It just got a little chilly. I guess a little too chilly to my liking, but I’ll get over it.  So what’s the mission?”

Steve looked like he wanted to tell you something, but decided not to and proceeded to briefing everyone.  The briefing proceeded smoothly, except for occasional coughs and sneezes from your direction.

“Now for the assignments, Tony and Sam, I want you to keep watch from above. There is a high possibility that there’s an exit not included in the blue print. Monitor the activities outside the facility. Nat and I, will go inside and find out why Hydra’s so interested in that facility” He paused. “As for you two, Y/N and Bucky, I want you to stay in the tower.”

“What?!” you exclaimed.

Steve acted like he didn’t hear you and continued with his instructions.

“Please get your gears, and then we’ll meet in the quinjet after 5 minutes.”

You decided to shut up while waiting for the others to leave. When there was only you and Steve left in the conference hall, you stood up from your chair.

“Steve. Why are you letting me stay here?! You know how much I hate Hydra! You know how much I want to fight them, and you know how much I hate... Christmas.” You looked down, afraid that Steve will see the fluids coming out of your eyes.

Steve walked towards you, his feet stopping at a distance – a few inches from yours.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say Y/N, but I will tell you what I know.  I know that there are people dying right now as we speak, I know that they need our help, and I know...” His voice was stern and authoritative. It was as if he wasn’t the best friend that you know and it made you look up. He took a step forward and looked straight into your eyes, “I know that I don’t want to baby sit a sick and useless soldier that will only hold us ba----” You  slapped him.

“Congratulations, Captain America. You just a lost a best friend and now you’re the world’s biggest jerk.” You wiped your tears and then walked out of the room.

Steve just stood there.

“You can come out now, you jerk.” Steve said.

From the dark corner of the room, Bucky emerged, “Well, at least I’m not the world’s biggest jerk.” He walked towards Steve, and gave his friend a tap on the shoulder and sat down at the chair behind Steve.

           “Bucky.” Steve said, while clenching his fist. “Was I... too hard on her?”

           Bucky sighed. “Honestly? I think you were a little on hard side. But I don’t think there’s any other way to make her stay so... ”

           “I just want her to rest and to stay safe. And I... I don’t know.” Steve said and pinched the bridge of his nose.

           “Of course, you do, Steve. I want that too. That’s the reason why you made me stay, right? You don’t want her to be alone again on Christmas.”

           “Cap. We need you here A.S.A.P.” Tony’s voice from the radio comm. interrupted.

           “I’ll be there, Tony.” Steve responded.

           “Well, I guess you’re needed now, punk.” Bucky said, slowly standing up.

           “I’ll leave her to you, Buck”

           “You don’t even have to ask, Steve. She’s important to me too.” Then he tapped his back and signaling Steve to go to the quinjet.

             After leaving the conference room, you went straight to your room, and cried.  If Tony or some other guy said those things to you, you would’ve just brushed it off, but it was Steve. Steve has been your best friend, you can be vulnerable around him, he knows everything about you – what makes you happy and what triggers your sad memories. The sting of pain from his words hurt you a thousand times more than any other man could.

You fell asleep, maybe because everything was just too painful for you to bear. Your body - sick physically and emotionally – decided to shut down on you.

           There was music playing. It was a Christmas song. Is it Christmas already?

“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer”

You were in a place - a very familiar place. You were washing the dishes. While you were doing so, a child was running around the hall. Your brother? He was happy, he was excited, he was about to open his Christmas present. You told him to open it up with mom and dad, and that you will go there as soon as you finish cleaning up the dishes. After hearing that, he smiled then laughed and then dashed towards the Christmas tree.

“Had a very shiny nose”

He kept shouting, he doesn’t know which  gift to open first

“And if you ever saw it”

Then, he chose one wrapped on a red wrapper with gold ribbons. He opened it, and ...

“You could even say it glows”

BOOM!

Everything happened fast, just before you heard the sound of explosion, a hand took you away and hid you between his body and a circular metal that looked like a shield. Then you saw your house burning, and then everything went black.

Just when you thought that everything was over. Three burnt figures approached you. It was your Mom, your Dad and your little brother, Billy. They were slowly approaching you, and you were afraid, but you wanted to run away but you can’t move your body, you panicked and then they grabbed you.

“Why are still alive, Y/N?!”

“I’m sorry!” you shouted.

“You should’ve been dead with us!!”

“I’m sorry!” you shouted again, trying to break free from their grip

“Y/N!”

“Y/N!!”

“Y/N!”

“Y/N!”

“I’M SORRY!”

“Hey. Y/N. It’s me Bucky It’s okay. I’m here.” Bucky was gripping your shoulders and was lightly shaking you.

You were breathing fast, and your heart was also beating fast. You tried to process everything and assessed your surroundings, and then found yourself staring at Bucky’s steel-blue eyes. It was a dream - a nightmare, you told yourself. Bucky told you to breathe with him, and you did. You tried to relax, you breathed in and then out. Bucky then handed you a glass of water. Just when you were about to reach for the glass of water, your head ached. As if on cue, your body decided to remind you that you were sick, you sneezed and then coughed.

“Woah. Slow down, doll. Here. Drink this first.”

Instead of handing you the glass of water, he reached out to your lips and then you took a gulp. You pouted, but you were too tired to lift your hands so you allowed Bucky to assist you in drinking.

“Y/N. You have to do better than one gulp, or else you’ll never get better” then you drank the whole glass.

“Okay. Good girl. Now you eat this.”

“I don’t want to eat, Buck” you pouted again and then you slid under your blanket.

“Come on Y/N. Don’t be a baby. You need to eat this so you can get better. You want to join the missions again, right?”

You peeked and then slowly pulled your head and body up, and then nodded.

“Actually, Buck. I want to eat. You know me, I really do. But...” you paused and then looked down

“But, what?” Bucky questioned.

“I’m just a teeny bit shy about the fact that I’m about to be spoon-fed by the Winter Soldier”

Bucky laughed and then put a porridge-containing-spoon in front your mouth. “You know we’ve done much more embarrassing stuff together, Y/N.”

“Right.” You responded and then blew your porridge before eating it.

Bucky was silent during the whole spoon-feeding session. It seemed like he was concentrating and was trying hard not to spill the hot porridge into a sick lady. You were also silent at that time, maybe too tired to actually banter with Bucky. After eating, Bucky gave you the medicine, and you immediately felt sleepy after drinking it.

“Good night, doll” and then you were faced with the darkness again.

             “Cold...” was the first thing you said after opening your eyes.

           Bucky immediately stood up, placed his tablet on the chair that he was seating on. He then touched your forehead and put the thermometer into your mouth.  The thermometer beeped and then Bucky looked at it.

           “You still have a fever, Y/N. But it’s lower than it was a few hours ago. Maybe it’s just the air conditioner...  F.R.I.D.A.Y. can you please increase the temperature inside Y/N,s room, she’s feeling a little cold.”

           “Of course, Sergeant Barnes.”

           “Thanks, FRIDAY.” He responded, while getting his book. He then pulled his chair closer to your bed.

           You stared at Bucky and remembered the times when you were the one sitting and the chair and he was the one on the bed. It was the time when he was having a lot of nightmares, and he always asked you to stay with him, you didn’t really know why. One night when you were stargazing with Steve and Bucky, you asked why, and he said he was comfortable with you because Steve trusts you. He also said that somehow your presence felt like home. Steve agreed to that, but you didn’t really get what it meant.

           “Please stop staring at me, you might fall in love with me.” Bucky said and his oh-so-famous smirk showed up.

“Oh. Shut up, James.” You retorted, laughing.

“You used the ‘James’ card: check. You’re laughing: check. You’re getting better. That’s good.” He yawned.

“I think you should sleep now, Bucky. I’ll be fine.” You told him, and then you pulled your hand up from inside the duvet, putting an effort to place your hands on his. “Sorry about this.” you continued.

“After all the effort of cooking for you, giving you food, and spoon-feeding you. I only get a sorry? Oh and let’s add  the fact that you’re asking me to go away. Ouch. Come on, Y/N. I deserve better than that.”

“What? You want a kiss Sergeant Barnes?” You laughed. “Sor—I mean, thank you, Bucky. Really, thanks for everything.”

“That’s more like it.” Then he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Well. There’s only you and me in this tower, and I don’t think I can really sleep well knowing that you still have a fever so I might as well stay here. But, if you really want me out, I mean, I will.” He said, and then pouted.

“Of course you can stay, Bucky.”

The lights suddenly turned off and were replaced by new sets of lights of varying colors, they were blinking and sparkling.

“Dashing through the snow...” a familiar voice suddenly sang, and then a screen suddenly appeared on the walls of your room, it was Tony, with Nat, Sam and Steve on the background.

“Hi Rudolph.” He said, and then you smiled. “Oops. Before you start responding to what I’m saying, right now. This is a pre-recorded video, that’s set to appear 12 AM of December 25. So if you’re watching this, I would like to greet you a very Merry Christmas. I hope that you’ll be able to watch this, ‘cause I know that you and Santa have a lot of kids to please this Christmas. ” Everyone on the background laughed. “But seriously though, Merry Christmas, Y/N. We’ll be back before you know it.”

“Tony might not realize this but, he really feels like a father. Don’t tell him that, he will be mad.” You told Bucky, your eyes still fixated on the screen in front of you.

Natasha and Sam also greeted you, hoping that when you get back you will feel better.

“We’ll kick Steve’s – I mean Hydra’s ass for you, Y/N. So get well soon!” Natasha said.

Then it was Steve’s turn. He put his right hand over his left shoulder – a habit he usually does when he’s nervous.

“Hey, Y/N.” he started. Bucky looked at you and noticed that the smile you had a few minutes ago was slowly disappearing. “I’m sorry about – I’m sorry about what happened, a while ago. I just – I just want - Anyways, I hope you and Bucky are having a happy Christmas right now” he paused and then stared directly to the camera. “Please. Please take care of yourself and get well soon.”

The video ended, and for a few minutes the whole room was silent.

Breaking the silence, Bucky decided to speak up.

“You know... Y/N. I mean, no offense but, you know Steve didn’t really meant what he said a while ago.”

You looked at Bucky and said,

“I know that Bucky. Because, he’s Steve, he’s not just a good guy. He is THE good guy. So I know... I understand. He’s just worried about me. And him going all Captain America on me, it means he’s dead serious about letting me stay. He also used the ‘insecurity’ card. That’s how desperate he was on making me stay.” You took a deep breath, as the tears starts to fall. “It’s just that seeing the people that I love... dying, while I’m here ... being safe. It just feels wrong to me, especially now that it’s Christmas and the wounds on my family’s death they somehow resurface... I just – I don’t know. I think I’m just extra sensitive every Christmas”

Bucky sighed, sat down next to you on your bed. He put his right arm under your head and placed his hand on your right shoulder. This gesture made you place your head on his chest, while he was gliding his hands over your arms in an up-and-down motion.

“I know what you’re thinking Y/N. You’re thinking that everything’s your fault, and that you should’ve been dead with your family. Guess what, it really is. It’s your fault.” He paused.

“It’s your fault that they are still alive, through your memories, through your values and through the way you actually live your life doing the things that they taught you. You are their second chance of living and actually wishing to be dead with them, is like depriving them that chance.”

You were moved with what Bucky said, you wanted to look at him but instead you pulled him into a tight hug and allowed yourself to sink into his chest. You cried and he held you tighter, his warmth giving you so much warmth and comfort. You cried so hard, bringing all the pain, anger and regret along with the tears. For the first time in your life, you felt free.

It took a while before the tears stopped.

“Bucky” you said in a soft voice

“Hmm?” he answered. You can feel his breath right above your head.

“I always wanted to tell you something, but didn’t really get the chance.”

“What is it?”

It took you a moment before responding.

“You smell REALLY nice.” You looked up at him and winked at him. He chuckled.

“Shut up. You can’t even smell me, dork. You have a cold.” he said, and pinched your nose.

“Oh...” you continued, “But seriously, though, thank you, Bucky. This Christmas is probably my best so far.” You looked at him at smiled.

“Any time,Y/N. Any time.” He then pulled himself out of the hug, but he left his right hand on your right shoulder.

“Too bad. Steve isn’t here with us.”

“His loss. That’s what he get for being the world’s biggest jerk.” He said, and then smirked.

You laughed, “Yeah.”

“Bucky?” you added, a tone of sleepiness present in your voice.

“Yeah?”

“Remember the time when you told me I reminded you of home?” your eyes, slowly closing

“I said that?”

You punched him, your eyes still closed.

“Well. Yeah, you did. You told me I reminded you of home, and I didn’t really get it at that time. But...” You were slowly falling asleep, your voice becoming softer and softer.

“Now I get it” you added, “You and Steve, the two of you, you also remind me of home. I don’t want --- ”

“You don’t want what Y/N? Y/N?” Then he looked at you, “What? You fell asleep while talking?” He giggled. “How cute.”

With his free hand, he patted your head and fixed the hair covering your eyes. He also tugged a few stray hairs behind your ears. He wiped the trail of tears still present on your face. He wanted to fix your sleeping position into a more comfortable one, so he tried to move, but you hugged him tightly.

“I don’t want to lose you.” You murmured still asleep, and Bucky smiled.

“Sleep talking now, huh?  How cute, Y/N.” he paused and then sighed, “Y/N. Stop making me fall in love with you more.” He said, kissing your forehead. He then closed his eyes and pulled you closer to him.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

Bucky might’ve been too focused on you that he didn’t realize Steve was just standing by the door of your room. He was there when Bucky was running his fingers through your face and when he confessed his feelings for you. He felt a sudden pang of emotion when he saw how Bucky looked at you and how he held you into his arms, and how you looked so contented being in Bucky’s arms.  He felt sad, he felt ... jealous

[enchaffin]

Hello, Alligators!

I’m so glad you’re here today.

  Since you are reading this post, I suppose you have an interest in how I came up with the story of my debut novel Loading Life. And I suppose (with my fangirl side locked tightly away) that I’ll tell you.

If you don’t know what Loading Life is about, let me tell you:

Hero Leander, the official troublemaker of Devi Omega Academy, is one mess up away from being permanently kicked out of school – or worse. To save him, his teacher and guardian, Mr. Kirkland, pairs him up with Annie Mei Fields, a straight-A student and the top Charisma-user of the school, on a history project. Hero is determined to leave her hanging, but Annie Mei will have none of that.

As she forces him to hit the books, they soon discover that an evil corporation is kidnapping teens in order to cure a deadly disease. Annie Mei thinks they should fight back. Hero doesn’t want to get involved. . . That is until his only friend is also taken.

Hero and Annie Mei put their lives on the line in order to save their world. But with gang attacks, drug deals, twisted corporate goons, and a teacher that won’t get off their case, these two unlikely fighters have little time to think about their next step. They have to save the world, and hopefully get a passing grade.

  And as I was writing this adventurous sci-fi/fantasy, I was drawing on the love I have for anime and superhero stories.

But where did I even get the idea?

It all started with a random thought I had one day. You see, many people have told me that I’m very nice and that’s why others are attracted to me – why they want to hang out with me. This was on my mind when I thought ‘hey. What if that was my superpower? Likeability, or niceness, or charm, or . . . charisma?’ It was from that point that I knew I wanted to make a story about a girl with charisma.

When I had downtime, or was just letting myself think of nothing in particular, ideas starting popping up about this girl. What if she was a sweetheart villain? Or maybe a superhero who would save the day? I kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I wrote down all these ideas in a notebook one of my friends had gotten for me for my birthday. And within a matter of time, I had a huge bulk of the world made out.

It was also during this time that I came to the realization that I wanted to write books for a living. I was actually working on another novel, when I came to a giant wall. This particular novel would take me a great deal of time to fully develop. The world was so vast! And I didn’t really want to wait. That’s when I picked up my little notebook of ideas and started designing a world that was closer to my own.

  Devi Omega was born. It was in this vast city that I wanted a computer/virtual reality-like world to unfold. I wanted my characters to be like those in video games. It truly reminded me of Sword Art Online at first. (And, if you don’t like that anime, please read the manga. It goes further into depth about the characters and the world. Just saying.) But I wanted something more than that.

I asked myself: ‘What if the citizens of Devi Omega were born and lived their lives in a video game? What if their world was a video game and had nothing to do with the outside – with the ‘real world’ that I grew up in?’

That’s when the characters started having health bars and attack bars. That’s when they all started getting powers that I call special abilities. And everyone in Devi Omega has a unique special ability . . .

Everyone except Hero Leander.

You see, I wanted my book to feel like an anime in words. I wanted a main character who people didn’t like- except the sarcastic best friend, of course. I wanted a main character that could hold his own, but still be able to grow into someone even better. And I wanted to use the base of the main character that I had developed for the novel I had put to the side. So I used that base and created a wannabe-thug with terrible grades and an even worse mouth, who no one could understand. And I gave him a heartbreaking name that would play into his overarching story. Hero Leander was born.

But I knew I needed someone else to play opposite him. His best friend, Reut (said like root) was a good pick, but not the best. I also needed to keep that Charisma girl in the story somehow. I had created this whole world for her, and I didn’t want to throw that away. And that’s when I started to develop her more. Since Hero was a thug-like character, I wanted her to be sweet and intelligent. I also wanted her to be physically capable of kicking butt, even if she didn’t have the so-called body for it. (I didn’t want her to be super buff just to take on some badies.) I wanted her to be feminine, to combat Hero’s masculine nature. And she absolutely had to be liked by (almost) everyone, since that’s what hero powers were about. But I knew I needed more than that. She had to have depth. She had to be someone who loved learning and reaching her goal of being the best she could, but also yearned to be out of the spotlight and just be her. Even if it was for a little while. That’s when I created Annie Mei Fields. And she was perfect.

When I got my two main characters established, I added even more. I needed a guardian for Hero and parents for Annie Mei. I needed bullies and bad guys and surprises. I also needed a few characters that my readers would know nothing about. At least not at first.

  And when I had my cast and my world, I started writing. I wrote the first draft for only a few chapters until I realized that my story was going nowhere exciting. I had to stop, make an outline, and get back to writing. I tweaked the outline through drafts two, three, and four. When I finished with draft four, I tracked down a beta reader – and sadly, I only had one – who read my book and gave me the feedback I needed to improve my story. I rewrote it again and thought that was it. I published it with a beautiful cover created by one of my best friends, MadCatStudios. And I loved it. But . . .

After a few months, I realized I had so many spelling and grammatical errors in the book! (And this is why you hire an editor!) I also saw that many people didn’t find my cover appealing. I became a little depressed about the whole thing and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t be a writer . . .

And then life slapped me in the face.

My overnight job I was working was getting worse. Between working nocturnally, missing out on seeing friends and family, and just being tired ALL THE TIME, I wanted out so bad. I needed this book to succeed. So I went back to the drawing board.

I asked my friend if I could get a new cover. I didn’t want to hurt him by not using the picture he worked so hard on. But he understood and told me I should do what I needed to do. And I needed to make my book appeal to the masses of anime nerds.

(And let me just take a second to say that MadCatStudios is an amazing artist! His work is great and I love it. I didn’t just ask him to do the first cover because it was free. I asked him because he has talent. So go check his stuff out on DeviantArt!)

  Anyways. . .

I hunted down a great editor and artist on Fiverr.com. After sending my manuscript to the editor and my ideas for the cover to the artist, I waited as patiently as I could. My editor was amazing and he sent my work back in a timely manner! I worked hard for a week incorporating all of his edits. (Visit him here!)

Yet another problem arose.

The artist I commissioned didn’t fulfill his promise. Between a few missed deadlines and ignoring many of my requests, I finally asked him if he’d like to break it off. And he did without fuss. I honestly think he had many projects underway and he couldn’t fulfill his promises to me. It was sad, but I didn’t dwell on it too much.

I had to find an artist!

I searched one of my folders on Fiverr that I had saved some artists in. I found one that was perfect and sent her an email. After a few back-and-forth messages, I commissioned her for a piece. And I definitely got what I asked for:

  (If you love the art, please visit the artist here!)

I took the time to create a cover that would match my story. And after I reuploaded my cover and fully-edited story onto Createspace, I laid down and breathed a sigh of relief.

My book was done. Completely this time.

And now I’m here, telling you all of this. And I hope you learned something from my story. Between never giving up and always hiring an editor, anyone can become an author. With buckets of sweat and tears that is.

  Thank you,

E.N. Chaffin

If you’re interested in reading Loading Life, please check out the first three chapters here! Or if you’d like to buy it, the eBook and paperback versions are sold on Amazon.com and other retailers listed below.

Amazon – https://tinyurl.com/LLebook

Nook – http://tinyurl.com/nookLLbook

iTunes – http://tinyurl.com/itunesLLbook

Kobo – https://tinyurl.com/ycx7byjt

Inktera – http://tinyurl.com/inkteraLLbook

Smashwords – https://tinyurl.com/LLsmash

24 Symbols – http://tinyurl.com/24LLbook

The Story behind Loading Life: How I created my debut novel. #writerslife #amwriting #anime #manga #videogame #fantasy #scifi Hello, Alligators! I’m so glad you’re here today. Since you are reading this post, I suppose you have an interest in how I came up with the story of my debut novel…