#returnfromheaven

[disastrousjest]

So preoccupied in his own thoughts, he hadn't even noticed when Caesar was making his approach. Which wasn't surprising given his track record. There were a lot of things that went unnoticed by the young Joestar, that is until it was already right in front of his face. His obliviousness was both a curse and a gift in that sense. Because he could also use this tendency as a way to fool others into thinking he didn't know what was going on, either. In this particular case though, there was no tricks. His mind was so heavy on the blond that he just hadn't picked up on his presence until he was already there standing across from him and speaking to him. There was no mistaking that accent of course, so as soon as Caesar had spoken up, it cut through Joseph's thoughts like a knife and instantly snapped him out of the daze he had been lost in. Honestly without really knowing how much time had passed since he sat down to wait for him to show up. If he did. He blinked to Caesar's question. Teals lifting to find emeralds, widening slightly despite that he had been expecting him. It was because it was the first time he had seen Caesar since the chain of events had put him in a very emotional state. So upon seeing him, he was stunned into silence. Lips parted just a little as though he meant to respond, but the words lost whenever he froze in place. Without realizing it, his olive tinted skin became dusted with a hint of a blush just across his cheeks and nose. The heat from it obvious to him and just as obvious as the fluttering that suddenly filled the pit of his stomach. We're friends, that's all. Don't get ahead of yourself Joseph, there's no way he remembers everything. Maybe not even anything at all. The silent reminder to himself, of course did little to help him out in this situation. So he did what the did best to try and roll with it.

Sitting up and dropping his hand down to the table in front of him, Joseph flashed a wide grin up to the other. Genuine. It was a genuine smile reach reflected in his eyes. Lighting up those teals with a dazzling touch of real delight. Because even if he tried to play it off there was no denying the joy to which he felt at seeing him there in person. Especially after the dreams he'd had lately and the realization he had made not long ago. The truth behind what his heart still ached for despite how he had made attempts to move on with his life. All of it coming back to life the moment he was able to truly confirm that somehow, this was Caesar. Even if he didn't remember everything about their past--he hadn't changed much behind that. And for that reason, his expression betrayed what his mind was telling him to tone down. The blush still lightly remaining across his cheeks while he beamed up at Caesar. "Worried about me?" He chortled. Nothing short of amusement in his tone. He placed a hand to his chest in a rather teasingly dramatic gesture. "Oh, I'm so touched." With a quick wink, he returned to his former sitting position, resting his head on his head but keeping his bright smile. He waved his free hand away as though to dismiss the question and added, "Really, it's fine. I wasn't sure if you were going to come." Play down what his true thoughts were with humor. That was always his go-to reaction. It had been how he handled the stress of the world on his shoulders at just eighteen years old. Joseph knew no other way to push off things like that. In the past it had always made him seem as though he never took anything seriously. And there were times where that admittingly had been the case. But just like before and right now--he was hiding his real feelings with what he knew best. Because what he really wanted was to address the fact that the very presence of the other made his heart skip a beat and his stomach flutter. He wanted to tell him about the dreams he had and confirm to him the feelings he'd harbored all this time. Jumping ahead though, would only complicate things. And he didn't think he could handle losing Caesar a second time, if he were to scare him off with everything.

Teals watched the carefully put together box that was sitting in front of him. It sat untouched in the spot that he had placed it in upon taking his seat in the cafe. Joseph sat with one elbow resting on the table, his chin sitting in his palm. There was a touch of sadness that lingered in that gaze, behind the uncertainty. Why? Because he wasnt sure what would happen next. The assignment that they had been working on together was over now. Which meant there could be no other reason for Caesar to need to see him. Unless he wanted to. And how could he expect that from him? He wasnt even sure if he retained any of his memories at all. Maybe all of this was just his chasing ghosts in hope to capture something that he missed out on.

The dreams didnt help. Every thing he found that reminded him of his recent past with Caesar had his heart aching for some kind of relief. It almost felt like he was going through a second phase of mourning over him, despite the fact that he was there before him. And he was alive. If only there was some way to tell. Granted, he had invited Caesar here to meet him. With the hope that talking to him might stir up some kind of real friendship between them beyond their single class together. A feeble attempt to drum up some old memories. That was Joseph's hope, anyway.

On the table sat a box of wonderfully fresh zeppoles. Why this desert? Well mostly as a joke in spite of himself. He'd accidentally called them Zeppeli without thinking. A hard hint that the blond occupied his mind more often than not, especially now.

I hope this goes well. Caesar and I had a rough start before. But... it's different now, isnt it.

@shabcn

[disastrousjest]

“So honey now Take me into your loving arms Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars Place your head on my beating heart I'm thinking out loud Maybe we found love right where we are “

-Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Am I fine with falling in love if it means that everything has already been decided for you? The answer to that question will always be yes, Caesar. I don’t care what the pre-decided fate ends up being as long as I can be with you.

A very Happy Birthday to the best Caesar I know, Kuroshi. I will always look forward to your posts and continuing writing with you. <3  @shabcn

[disastrousjest]

“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes But it's the only thing that I know When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes It is the only thing that makes us feel alive We keep this love in a photograph We made these memories for ourselves Where our eyes are never closing Hearts are never broken And time's forever frozen still So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home”

-Photograph by Ed Sheeran

Sometimes I look back at everything and wonder, why can’t it be that easy again? Will you ever remember who I was? Will you ever look at me the same way again? My heart beats for you, it calls to you and only to you. I was kidding myself thinking it could ever be someone else. If I could replace these memories and have you back in my arms, by my side the way it used to be--I would do just that. For now I will keep them with me until I can feel your lips on mine again and have your embrace. The way I have longed for it all this time. My heart will only ever be your’s, Caesar. I will always love you. A second one! Just because I couldn’t decide which one I liked better. :) Happy Birthday Kuroshi! <3 @shabcn

[disastrousjest]

You’ll never have to walk this world alone, if you don’t want to. I’ll extend my hand out to you and offer it over and over again, even if you can’t reach it. Fate my try to rip us asunder and give us an impossible task. But together, we will bend this reality and make it our own. Together we will stand as a team: as partners....as lovers.  You can always count on me, to always be there beside you. One way or another, Caesar. 

Happy Anniversary @shabcn 8.25.20 Cannot wait to continue writing our tragic stories together. Current and future. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. 

[disastrousjest]

I have to tell him… he should know…

Joseph slowed as the invasive thoughts filled his mind. These weren’t… they weren’t his thoughts. So where did they come from? He pressed his hand to his forehead. The cool metal of his left palm felt soothing. He hadn’t realized he had broken out into a sweat. Was he getting sick? After a couple of moments, he glanced around him to see if anyone was watching him. Suddenly aware of his surroundings. He couldn’t imagine how it might have looked just to slow to a stop in the middle of the courtyard. He was supposed to be heading for his next class, but something was troubling him. Ever since he had that first dream. The one of Caesar’s death, these random fragments had been flooding into his mind. Joseph hadn’t used much of his Hamon since he defeated Kars. There hadn’t been too much of a need to give the fact that things were pretty peaceful. Occasionally he used it for little things to take advantage of a situation. So, the sudden rush of thoughts and emotions, the only thing he could root it back to be that memory he had dreamed about. After all this time though. Why was he only now getting these thoughts and visions? A few years had passed since Caesar had been killed. Perhaps it was seeing him again now. Somehow alive once more…? Maybe Caesar himself had been the trigger. He wasn’t sure what he felt about this.

It wasn’t making it any easier on him either. The weight he bared in his heart. Every day he thought about it. And every day he thought about him, his heart would beat faster. A sigh left his lips. And to collect himself, he clenched his fist just over his heart, closing his eyes for a moment while he took a deep breath. (This heart… it beats for you. It always has.) The memory of what he saw in his dreams still lingered in his mind. The feelings he felt circulating around that moment. Caesar’s thoughts, his regrets and the things he wanted to say to him. How could he have forgotten about that? It had been what had torn Joseph apart so terribly upon losing him. Maybe it was because the loss had been too much for him to bare that he had blocked out these thoughts and feelings from coming through. Like a repressed memory, he had pushed away the feelings that Caesar’s energy flooding through his veins had brought him. He had loved him. He had loved him and never been able to tell him about it. And Joseph had returned those feelings. His heart was full for Caesar, despite their differences. How often they fought and argued with one another, his love for him had run deep. Deeper than anything else he had ever known. His heart had been utterly shattered when he had lost him. And it quivered when he had found him again, somehow. Something he still didn’t know how it had come to pass. Yet here he was. His heart ached to be with him in the ways they had both wanted. But now he had to question with Caesar’s broken memories of them, would he even want him like that still. Could Caesar fall in love with him again? Or did he still retain some of that love in his heart even without all of his memories?

“Caesar…” Joseph breathed his name, without realizing it.

The memory flashed behind closed eyelids. Standing, holding his bandana in his hands, knowing damn well what it meant. Afraid to call his name and knowing it would be met with silence. The cold chill of the Swiss mountains seemed oddly colder that day, freezing his blood as panic had rose in his chest. His desperate cries for Caesar and the sound of heavy rubble being moved through the empty, blood-soaked lobby of a broken-down hotel. It wasn’t until the sun had come out behind a cloud, peaking through the holes in the building that he had finally found him. A flash of crimson on the floor, catching the light and gleaming brilliantly against the cold concrete.  He remembered the rush of energy he got from that blood-soaked bubble he had found upon first entering the hotel. Feeling the flood of life and emotions rush through his body. Yet somehow it had been that little bit of pooling blood that had tipped his emotions. As though seeing it had confirmed what he hadn’t wanted to believe. Caesar was gone. Caesar had died. And he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. He had pushed him to walk away to his death, alone. His cries and wails of agony had filled the empty halls, shaking the foundation as he yelled out in his pain. His heart breaking to pieces in that very moment, the ache raking through his body and shaking him to his core. He had lost his chance to ever make things right. To ever tell him how he felt. And even to apologize to him for the things he had said. All of it had been his fault.

At least that was what he had thought.

He blinked, feeling something wet on his face. Opening his eyes, he moved a hand up to his face. He hadn’t realized he had started crying. Smiling to himself, he wiped away the tears with the sleeve of his shirt. A sad smile painting across his features as he stared somberly and fondly towards the ground in front of him. “Damn, even now you still have me beat. You were always worried about me leaving you behind, but Caesar…” He raised his gaze towards the sky now. “…I don’t even know if you can still love me the way you did before.” (So maybe I’m the one who was left behind…)

“JoJo…?” 

Hearing the echo in his mind, he turned his head as though expecting to see Caesar standing there. Of course, he was standing there alone at the moment. But what he saw was another vision because when he glanced over, he was suddenly seeing the world around him in an orange haze. The sun was just starting to sink below the horizon. And what he was seeing wasn’t Caesar, but himself. Joseph Joestar, sitting with one knee propped up, a wrist dangling from it while he leaned back on his other hand. His mask was gone now as it had been destroyed in his fight against Esidici. He could tell this much because this version of himself still looked a little tired from all the fighting. Or maybe he was anxious about what was coming next? Joseph knew that since he was seeing it this way, he must be seeing through Caesar’s eyes again. His memories. The pieces of him that were handed over when he gave him his Hamon. The moments of extreme emotion he had felt that he had never conveyed. This moment in time, Joseph remembered it now that he was seeing it. They were to leave for Switzerland soon to go after the Pillar Men, there was no point in not confronting them now that they knew about the Stone and one had already been defeated. Joseph had decided to go out and collect his thoughts, sitting outside the estate just as the sun was beginning to set. A hard battle was ahead of him and he hadn’t been sure how he was going to handle taking on two more Pillar Men. Fighting the first of the three had been hard enough for him. He was worried he might not be able to make it through this entire fight. That was when Caesar had come out to join him. Now that he was seeing it from Caesar’s eyes though, he had to wonder—why had Caesar come to find him that day?

He watched as he glanced over towards himself, or rather where Caesar was. “JoJo, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“You’re not here to tell me I should be doing something to prepare for the fight, are you?”

There was a pause. “No… It’s not that.”

“Good because I’m not in the mood for another one of your lectures, Caesar.”

Silence for a moment. “…Our fight will probably be a hard one. There could be a chance one of us may not come back to Roma when it’s over. If that’s the case, then you should know that I—”

“Don’t you start talking like that!” He could hear the fierceness in his own voice. And the gaze that belonged to Caesar shifted back to him, seeming hesitant. He could feel Caesar’s feelings here, a mix of complicated things. He was frustrated with him for not listening, but at the same time in admiration of him.

“JoJo…” He sighed. “Then let’s work together to make sure we both come back, okay?”

The memory faded after that and when he came out of it, he was crying again. His hands curled into fists, gripping the fabric of his shirt at his chest. He knew now what Caesar had been trying to say. After hearing his thoughts and feeling the deep emotions coming from him. He understood. Why hadn’t he realized what he was trying to tell him before? He would have at least gotten the chance to tell him that he loved him. At least once. Maybe things would have been different if Caesar had known that he loved him back. Perhaps they wouldn’t have gotten into a fight that would tear them apart. He had Caesar now, he was back. Somehow, he had come back from the dead. But… he didn’t remember everything. He didn’t remember how he felt about him, right? It was unclear. Their chemistry together was so natural… He shook his head, trying to clear the hopeless thoughts away. He had to keep fighting for this. So what if Caesar never remembered moments like this again? He still loved him. Caesar was still Caesar, even if he didn’t realize any of it. And Joseph was still more than determined to bring back what memories of him he could and the rest, he would just have to get to know all over again. If he never remembered feeling this way about him, wanting to tell him how he felt. Then he would just have to find a way to have him fall for him again. Only then would he be able to explain everything to him. Until then he would just have to deal with these feelings, both his and Caesar’s now. He would have to deal with the ache in his chest and the weight of his feelings. For as long as he could, anyway.

(I will tell you everything one day. Caesar, I never stopped loving you.)

//looking for the bloom again @shabcn

[disastrousjest]

12.25.20

Joseph held the page of the calendar in his hand, staring at the date. The tiny letters on the page informed him of the holiday that was most well known around the world. He didn’t really need to be looking at a calendar to be reminded that the twenty-fifth meant it was Christmas Day. But there was a hastily written not there in the small space provided. The scribbled handwritten note read just a few simple words: ‘Caesar, Sixth Month.’ It was in his own hand, something he had scribbled down some time ago so that he wouldn’t forget what the day also meant. He could sometimes be a little scatterbrained and it wouldn’t have been too hard to allow the regular holiday to override any thoughts of something else that might be special. Not this time though. Joseph had made sure he wasn’t going to forget. Not just because it marked six months since he had gotten involved with Caesar, romantically but because this would be their first holiday together. The first time that they would be able to spend it together. That alone was enough to ignite some excitement within his chest. But of course, he had all kinds of things planned for Caesar. It was just his hope that everything went well or else he wasn’t sure what the other would say. The last thing he wanted to do was upset him on their special day. Really, he didn’t want to upset him at all. Though the two tended to bicker often and sometimes even got into bad fights over small things—their tempers being the culprit—it didn’t mean that he wanted something like that to happen on this day. This day had to be remembered as something incredible. And why? Because he had come to realize just how incredible Caesar was in the last six months.

He turned his back to the calendar, heading over to dig through his clothes in order to get himself ready for the day. There was a lot he needed to prepare before Caesar came around to see it and he didn’t want to waste time standing around. That was unusual for Joseph Joestar. He who was not so keen on hard work or working hard and yet it seemed for this he was prepared to put his whole heart into it. His mood was much too elated to be dampered with that thought. This was indicated by the wide, boyish smile that graced his features as he made to pull on a form-fitting shirt first. Though it didn’t remain as the only bit of clothing he planned to wear for the occasion, tossing on a knit red and white sweater for good measure. Running a hand through his messy brown locks and taking a quick glance at himself in a mirror was all he needed to confirm that he was ready for the day. So, maybe ensuring that everything he wanted to have done would be hard work for him. In the end if it went well, then it wouldn’t matter how much work he had to put into it. Besides it would just end up being a bonus for him if Caesar liked everything, he did for him. And while his outfit didn’t really take all that much effort, it was only just the first step into ensuring that the day went over smoothly. There were a couple things he would have to improvise, given the time of the year. That was something he hoped that the other wouldn’t mind too much. They did always say that it was the thought that mattered the most. And this had been something he had been thinking about for some time.

Stepping into the kitchen, Joseph paused when he reached the stove, his hands settling upon it. Teals glanced around the vacant room until he found what he was looking for. (This really isn’t my style but…) Taking a few quick steps over to the apron that had been neatly placed on the table from a few weeks prior, he unfolded it and retired the thing back around his waist. Truthfully, he felt a little ridiculous wearing it, like a real housewife or something of that nature. But he had to remind himself that he wasn’t doing this for himself. This was meant to be everything for Caesar. And recalling to all the times that Caesar had cooked for him, he felt like it was only fair that he takes on the challenge this time. He wanted to create something wonderful that the other would enjoy. Thankfully, Joseph would have the help of a cookbook to guide him into creating a meal he thought Caesar might enjoy. He was pretty lost when it came to meal preparation. That was one of the advantages to having grown up with wealth he supposed. Erina always had their meals ready for them or they would go dine at some fine restaurant or something of that nature. Cooking wasn’t something that Joseph had ever had to learn how to do and even so, he still wasn’t the type to want to do something like that. It required a lot of work and that would never be something that he liked doing. (I want to do this for Caesar.) He could only hope that the meal turned out the way it was supposed to. If he followed the recipe it shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Soon enough the room was filled with the warmth from the oven and the smells from the food he was preparing for them. According to the cookbook he was following, it was meant to come out tender and juicy, a slow cooked meal. And something he had wanted Caesar to try. It wasn’t really tradition for Christmas per say, but this was also their anniversary date, so he felt that maybe it would be appropriate to change things up a little bit. A slow cooked prime rib and all the fixings should be okay for something like this, right? He wasn’t sure what all kinds of foods Caesar had tried, but it was his hope that he would at least enjoy this one. There were a lot of different things he had wanted the Italian to try and he hadn’t wanted to make something Italian, that probably wouldn’t have seemed so thoughtful. Or would it have been? (Now you’re overthinking this!) He shook the doubts out of his head, moving away from the oven to allow everything to finish its slow cook while he went to make sure that everything else was set for the evening. There had to be decorations perfectly in place and he had the mind to have soft music playing for whenever the blond came in. His heart was starting to race with everything he had in mind. The thought of it all had him almost laughing to himself out his own nervousness. This wasn’t getting any easier for him and he needed to keep his head on straight if this was going to turn out right.

(Keep it calm, Joseph. You can do this!)

Running around to ensure the table was set and decorated with a wonderful centerpiece. A bouquet of various flowers, spotted with a poinsettia here and there, all of them carefully chosen to be the colors of the season. The table itself was set with a deep green linen cloth; a fine china set had been placed carefully at two seats across from each other. He had even gone to the trouble at making sure that there was a fine bottle of red wine waiting on the table next to a couple of empty glasses. This would be their first Christmas dinner together. And not just that, but it would also mark the six months he had been with him. Never in his life had Joseph felt more enamored by someone. Normally, he didn’t care so much about what other people thought and often did things his own way, even if they were a little reckless. Joseph had always been something of a wild card. When he put his heart into something though it really did show through and this was one of those moments. Everything he was trying to set up here. This atmosphere, the dinner… it reflected everything he felt about Caesar. The fact that he was hoping to impress him alone was enough to say something about how much he cared about what he felt and thought. Now that things were starting to come together and the time was getting closer to where he would actually see Caesar, he was getting all the more frazzled. Anxiety starting to swell in his chest.

The younger took a step back to take a look at everything he had completed. He moved a hand up to his hair, letting it linger. The other came to rest on his chest, just getting a feel for how hard his heart was beating. He felt a little dizzy. And for the life of him he couldn’t seem to stop smiling to himself. Through out his entire evening of running around, preparing dinner, getting everything set up—he found himself occasionally smiling to himself. Was this what real love felt like? Looking at all the effort he had put into this set up, he couldn’t help but laugh at himself. Never in his life would he had thought he would be the one running around like some helpless fool. Guess that was what he had become in the last few months and perhaps even before that. Only it had now come to develop since they had been able to really be together. He was absolutely head over heels for Caesar, no doubt about it. And while they still had their differences and would argue from time to time, it seemed that his love still only continued to grow for him with every passing day they spent together. This was what he wanted, and he was sure of that. To be able to have to run around for Caesar for the years to come. To have to worry about making up with him after they got in a fight over something small. To hear his frustration come out in Italian or on the flip side, whenever he would use his native language to say something sweet. He wanted to drive Caesar crazy with his antics and laugh whenever he would try to hide how much he enjoyed it. Now there was just one more thing he needed, and it would be perfect.

(This is what I want. Caesar.)

Before he could get that far though, it was time to prepare the table with their food. Get it all set up so that dinner was ready and waiting for him when he got there. Joseph was just finishing doing this whenever Caesar would make it there to find him. The sudden interruption, startling the brunette into a rush to hurry up and get everything else ready. He fumbled with the last few finishing touches, nearly spilling something on himself. It was probably a good thing he had put on that apron now after all, otherwise he would have likely made a serious mess of himself. With a hasty clean up and patting himself down, he managed to bring the food to the table in one piece. Though before he could even so much as take his seat he paused, realizing that he had forgotten something. He patted himself down for a moment as though he were looking for something and when it didn’t appear to be where he thought, he rushed out of the room without so much as a word to the other. (Shit! Shit! Shit! How could I forget THAT?) Of course, he came running back into the room a couple minutes later, huffing to catch his breath and in the process totally forgetting to remove the apron that still clung to his front.

“Cae…Caesar…!” He huffed before he caught his breath. He straightened himself up a moment later though, taking a deep breath. “M-Merry Christmas! And…ah Happy Anniversary.” Teals averted their target, now his nerves were taking over, his face starting to heat up, he could hear the pounding of his heart in his ears. “I… uh. I got something for you.”

Here was where his nerves were really starting to take over. Suddenly feeling the pressure of everything on his shoulders. He wasn’t sure if he was starting to doubt everything he had just figured out before or not. (It’s now or never Joestar.) He took another deep breath and fumbled in his pocket for something, hesitating as he reached for it. Only just now remembering he was still wearing the damned apron. Well, that couldn’t be helped now. Not really how he wanted this presentation to go, but he guessed that it wouldn’t be something Joseph Joestar got his hands on if there wasn’t something that hadn’t turned out exactly right. After a moment of silence, he finally produced a small box to which he clutched in his left hand rather anxiously. He didn’t know why he was thinking this probably wouldn’t go over well. After everything he should be certain about this. Perhaps it was because he was actually going to go through with it now. He swallowed thickly, forcing his gaze back over towards the other. Anything he had known to say before this moment had been lost. Something he would just have to improvise off the top of his head. Doing his best to shake off his nerves, he reached for one of Caesar’s hands with his right hand, digits curling around the ends of his fingers.

“It’s been six months since this all started, and I know this will sound crazy...” He started slowly. “I love you, Caesar. And I know I’ve said before that I have for a while. I’ve come to realize I probably couldn’t love anyone else like I do you, so…” Gripping his hand he dropped to a knee, only now revealing what he had clutched in his left palm. Opening the box to display a glinting band, crested with a few iridescent gemstones. “I-I…I want to know if you’ll be mine for the rest of our lives. Caesar…will you marry me?”

Surprise short story starter @shabcn And a happy 6 months~

[disastrousjest]

"Dont you know its tradition to give a kiss on the stroke of midnight? It's good luck~" A grin formed across his features as he spoke.

Joseph was standing close to Caessr now, the stoke of midnight just moments away. With every second he moved a little closer to him. Teals never blinking once as they stared onto the blond with much love and compassion locked within them. 5...4....3... And a hand slid up to the side of his face, fingers gently cupping his cheek. 2....1... The Joestar was inches away from his lips. Lids lowering as he paused for just a moment.

"Happy New Year, Caesar." He whispered into his lips as the defining moment finally hit.

As the crowd around them went wild, Joseph pressed his lips firmly to his, locking him into a passionate kiss. He was determined to start the new year off right.

@shabcn

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! make sure you grab your hunny and give them a good kiss for the New Year!

So many things happened in 2020, I have already talked about but I am grateful for all my new friends and the new mutuals I have yet to connect with. Looking forward to getting to know you all! And to my friends, looking forward to going into a new year with you all as well!

Especially looking forward to continuing on with all the stories with my best friend here, kuroshi! Cheers! Heres to a newer, better year yeah?

[disastrousjest]

📒☢️

☢️- For a controversy or scandal they have been able to keep mostly under wraps

-For a secret kept in their journal/entry from it.

☢️-- You might know about this, but Caesar is blissfully unaware for now. But Joseph was emotionally cheating on Suzie after he came into contact with Caesar again. From the moment he saw him he was drawn into unresolved feelings that he wanted to try and understand and Express. Because of this he gradually started drifting emotionally from Suzie, investing his time and thoughts into Caesar alone until he pinpointed that he had never actually gotten over him or his death In the first place. Still in love with Caesar he became devoted to trying to figure out how the other felt about him in return and if he never regained his memories if he could still love him as he is.

This came to a head of course whenever he had a taste of Caesar's memories. And he finally officially broke it off with Suzie, though in poor taste because he knew he was now going to focus everything on Caesar. How she will feel once she finds out the truth is hard to say but Joseph will have a lot of explaining to do to both parties. He may even have to confess how long he's been head over heels for his Italian rival a little sooner than expected.

Honestly. If he had been given a chance during this time it is also possible Joseph would have cheated on Suzie completely, though he might not have thought about it at the time as he is too much involved in his feelings.

-A secret from his journal.

As mentioned above I think once Joseph realized what he was doing to Suzie was wrong. He likely wrote about his desire to break it off with her properly but didnt really know how to do it or what to say to her.

Of course his emotions ended up getting the better of him in the end, something he feels bad about. But as shitty as it is, he's compelled not to let Caessr slip away a second time.

[disastrousjest]

🍆

"W-wha....?" Teals widen as they caught sight of the message he had recently received from him. Instantly he felt the heat rush to his cheeks, as a blush so red it touched his ears coated his features.

A single trembling hand came up to cup his mouth. All he could do was stare at the image. His heart pounding so terribly loud in his ears it was deafening. It wasnt a bad feeling in the slightest, the sight of it had his stomach fluttering. It was just that he was in the middle of one of his other classes at the moment. Which meant that he would not be able to do anything about the image he'd gotten. (What a damn tease!) Was all he could think. Worst part of it was that in the middle of a lecture, he wouldnt be able to rush out in fear he might miss something. Although he felt that trying to focus on anything else right now would probably be impossible. Maybe the better option was just to excuse himself for the day and find his way home or even to Caesar. Anything would have been a better option than trying to keep himself still in class. Especially when his body was starting to react to the message, stirring fron the waist down. It had him fidgeting a little--his pants suddenly becoming more and more uncomfortable.

(Who sends a damn nude knowing the other person cant do anything about it! Ah, this is bad...)

He resigned to lying his head down on the desk in defeat, a hand slipping below to cover himself in case someone might have noticed. The class was almost over now. So he would try his best to wait it out, even if it was uncomfortable. Then when he was able he would--carefully--leave the hall and go find somewhere to take care of his problem. Nothing could get him passed the embarrassment though, his face remaining red the rest of the talk. Any of the information that had been passed along had been lost on deaf ears as all he could think about was Caesar.

(I'll get you for this, Caesar...)

[disastrousjest]

8.25.20 -- 2 months ago I found the best Caesar for my Joseph. Really the only Caesar for my Joseph.

I am honored to be your Jojo. 💚 I look forward to continuing to write with you. @shabcn Happy Anniversary

Joseph stepped out of the shop, arms already full of a few things he planned to put together that night. The perfect night. That's what he was hoping for, his heart was racing already just thinking about it. He just hoped that it would be good enough for him. Although he stopped on his way back to begin setting up. Taking only half a step down the street before something caught his eye. A flash of yellow caught his eye. It was enough that he came to a halt, despite his arms already being full he couldn't help but think that this was something he needed to get. It was the colors that reminded him of Caesar. The way the yellow popped out, it was breath taking. Of course he knew what they were, although he hadn't thought much about them before. Not until he was out gathering things that reminded him of the man that meant the most to him. How many times had he seen this little shop before and thought nothing of it? A better question, how long had they had these wonderful flowers sitting outside their shop and he didn't realize it until now? Well, that didn't matter. He had noticed them now and they were perfect. If there was anything in the world that could represent Caesar in such a divine way it was this. The color and contrast of the flowers reminded him of Caesar. Not just because of his blond hair and wild curls, but because Caesar was like a burst of color himself against an otherwise muted world.

Maybe that was bias and he was just thinking with his lovesick brain. Either way, he knew he had to have them. So, with that he collected up as many sunflowers as he could carry and headed to the clerk to pay for them all. The woman at the stand was nice enough to wrap them for him, she seemed pretty excited with all the things he seemed to have. He knew what she was assuming and he didn't bother to correct her. It was too much a task to try and explain to someone who was excited about something, that what they were thinking was a little wrong. These things that he had gathered up, they weren't for a beautiful woman. No no, they were for the one that he loved more than anything. The man that he had loved for quite some time now and had only recently been able to express that to. He was still recovering pieces of their past together and Joseph wasn't planning to rush that in the slightest. He knew better than to do that, after all some of those fragments could be very damaging considering how intense the situation had been at the time. But, he knew had he felt about him and there was nothing that was going to stop him from going forward with what he had planned. He wasn't going to lose his chance to be with him again, not this time. Not while he was still here.

Once he was through getting everything he needed, and maybe getting a bit lost on the way--he still hadn't picked up much on Italian, but it was slowly getting better. In pieces, though. He set out to make sure everything was absolutely perfect for the night. The setting he had chosen was a small, scenic area. Although he was certain that Caesar would know where to find him. He'd left him a message to meet him here and then had gone out of his way ti gather everything he needed for the night. As much as he would have liked to take him home with him or even out to a classic date, he found this to be a little more appealing. Around sunset there woukent be too many people around to bother them or stare. Not that he really cared if they did or not. Joseph was just happy to be able to be spending time with him. And at least now he could do it without feeling bad. Although it would seem crummy of him to be seen with someone else so soon after breaking it off with Suzie. But, had he ever really been devoted to her? The answer to that seemed to ring clear to him now and he had it in his mind to finally tell him. The mere thought of that though had him a little nervous. Romance wasnt his strong suit, he was clumsy at best. He just hoped that everything went smoothly for him or this could be embarrassing.

When he would finally arrive, Joseph got to his feet. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realized he had arrived already. Scrambling up, he nearly stumbled over his own feet which could have made for a scene in itself. Well he was already off to an embarrassing start. Did his brain just leave whenever he was around him? Sometimes it felt that way, which could be a little frustrating for the younger male considering he was usually so confident in himself. Now here he was acting like a bumbling fool and falling all over himself. Maybe it was just because whenever he saw him he couldn't help but feel light headed, his heart racing and his stomach fluttering. Sometimes this even caused him to blush a little without his noticing. It was like this ever since he realized how much he loved Caesar. He was having a hard time keeping it all to himself, too. Trying not to come on too strong since he knew that the other didnt remember too much about their time together before. He had already loved him before but having him back in his life again it was as though he was able to fall for him all over again. And this time the bond developed differently between them. There hadn't been a rivalry but instead a friendship. It didnt matter to him though the connection only had him falling harder for him over and over. Although now that he was standing there looking at him, he found that he was suddenly tongue tied. Here came the bit of clumsiness that gripped at him whenever he was trying his hardest to be Romantic.

What he had done was set up an evening picnic. Meant to be enjoyed by sunset in a lovely scenic secluded area where they could just enjoy each other. It was just off the coast, but away from the bustle of the city itself. The cooling salty breeze rolled in from the sea though, adding a small chill to the air as the sun had started to sink. Everything was figured out, he had brought a few things they could snack on, but nothing that was too demanding. Just a few different sweets he had been recommended by someone while he was looking for something suitable for the night. And to drink he had gotten his hands on a bottle of wine. A sweet red wine to be exact. One bottle wouldn't hurt them too much, right? Only Joseoh didn't really drink at all which meant he was a light weight. Honestly he had only picked it up because it made him think of Caesar. Caesar who despite some of his habits and the way he used to find his showing off distasteful and annoying, held a certain elegance to him. He wasnt sure if that was because he had an ego sometimes or not. But holding the wine in his hands now and thinking back to it, only made him smile to himself. All those little things he used to find annoying about the other he now admired. This could have been because he had lost him ince already. Maybe he was only just noe really discovering just how much and how hard he had fallen in love with him. There were still things that got on his nerves of course, but that ess typical for anyone. Even so, there was no question who his heart beat for. The last thing he had picked up as an impulse had been a bouquet of beautiful sunflowers. Their bright sunkissed petals popping with color even as the sun started to sink on the horizon. These also reminded him of Caesar and for various reasons. The most being the warmth he felt whenever he had noticed them.

(I hope this isn't too much. I'm a little nervous.)

"What's all this?"

Joseph opened his mouth to respond but the words wouldn't come out. Instead, his face just got hot as he stared back at him. (This is bad. I have no idea what to say! Why didnt I think of this before? He's going to think I'm a total idoit!) Wordlessly, he watched as the other moved passed him inspecting everything he had put together. The smile that appeared on Caesar's festures was enough to have him ready to fall to his knees. Weak from it. He seemed to be admiring everything and the growing silence was only making Joseph more aware of how hard his heart was pounding in his chest. He had to say something to him. Had he not organized all of this so that he could tell him what he had been dying to tell him? Now all of a sudden he was stuck, unable to make the words form. He loved Caesar. And his heart burned to let those words slip from his lips. But now that he was faced with the reality of actually confessing he wasnt sure how to begin. Maybe he should have practiced this a little more. Why didnt he think of that? Probably because he has been so busy trying to make sure everything else was perfect that he hadn't thought about it at all. He knew what he wanted to say, but now he needed to figure out how to say it. In his panic, Caesar had finished looking over everything picking up the sunflowers before turning to him. Those beautiful emerald eyes set on his.

He swallowed. (Say something, dammit!) "I...I had something I wanted to tell you so... I thought this would be a good place." The response he got was a puzzled look and an arch of a brow, urging him to continue. He might as well just rip this band aid off. Saying it putting it out there was going to be the only way he as going to be able to do it. If he thought too much about it, then he would only freeze up again. It would only be a matter of time, too before Caesar said something about his clumsy attempts and awkwardness over the whole situation. And it was the whole reason he had brought him here to this place.

His face was only getting hotter. "What's the occasion for all this, Jojo?"

"Caesar, I..." He could feel the blush expanding across his cheeks, deepening in hue. "...I-I'm in love with you. I know that it might sound strange to you, given you haven't known me too terribly long. But, I dont care if it seems weird. I love you! And I have been in love with you... basically from the moment we met." At least, since he met him here. That was the easiest way to put it without disturbing too much.

His clumsy confession was met with silence, one that made him feel as though he might have said too much. That is, until the distance was closed between them. Arms were wrapped around Joseph's framex bringing him close. The brush and fragrance of sunflowers filling the air before his lips were suddenly locked into a passionate embrace. It stunned him at first but he didnt object it. Once his shock had passed, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled his body closer to his. Joseph returned the kiss that was given to him with everything he had. All the emotion he had felt for him pouring into that connection. He wanted Caesar to feel the words he had just spoken to him. His heart only knew him and could only belong to him completely. It had never been with anyone else. And only now was he being given the chance to hold him in this embrace and express the emotions he had been harboring for years. He wanted to be his and only his. Not just in his hidden desires. But in everyday he possibly could. Joseph was determined not to lose his chance at that again.

[disastrousjest]

11. Make up sex + “I need you so bad.”

"Caesar..." he sighed, his face heating up to his words. It was hard for him to stay angry whenever words like that were said.

They had gotten into another argument. This time insults had been thrown out of frustration. The fight had been over a comment that Joseph had made, again. Although at the time he said it he hadn't meant anything by it, at least nothing that he thought would be bad. It had been thoughtless for him to assume that just because he was polite to girls that came around he had more interest in them than he might him. His jealous brain didnt think about it though, choosing to make childish remarks about Caesar himself. The argument had ended their time together and ruined the day out they had planned. That was about two days ago, neither party seeming to want to apologize for it. Being stubborn or prideful. Joseph had gotten frustrated because his feelings had been hurt and likewise he had hurt his feelings with his words. Finally, they were talking again and even though it was tense--attempting to apologize and make amends.

The two were sitting next to each other on the edge of his bed. Neither of them were looking at the other at least until he heard those words. Itd taken him by surprise, honestly. Joseph turning where he sat to stare at him. (He needs me...?) The thought sank in slowly, realizing their hands had been touching. Once he had figured out what he meant, his face had become hot, the tension of anger starting to melt away. He had already apologized to him but silence had fallen between them until now. Neither of them sure of how to take the first step to amending the relationship that had met its hiccup. Now though, he felt his heart beginning to race. He had missed him too, recently. But he didnt think it would have made such an impact on him.

After his name had left his lips, he reached up with a freehand to direct his attention to him. He needed him too. Without saying anything, he leans forward his lips capturing his. The kiss started innocent at first before rapidly becoming more passionate. His blush only deepening as he opened his mouth enough to allow his tongue to slip in passed his lips. Meeting with his, the kiss continued on as he became more eager--hungry for his touch. Eventually he found himself pushing him back, gently coaxing him back onto the bed. The connection only stopped when he felt the need for a deep breath. Parting to take quiet pants as he stared down at him. He definitely needed him too. And in every way. His heart had been aching since the fight, though he had been unsure of how to apologize well enough. Being with him like this always lit a spark though, it was always intense. He needed his intensity and his affection. He just needed all of him.

"I...I need you, too. Caesar..." He said. Falling victim then to his own needs and desires, he gave himself to him. Surrerending all the bad feelings he had before. Making amends with the one he loved the most through the best way he knew how.

[disastrousjest]

You were the one I admired from afar. The one I always wanted, but wasn’t sure how to tell you. Everything you did for me, meant the world to me.  But I waited too long to tell you that. Caesar, forgive me. If I could have a second chance with you, I wouldn’t let you slip away again without knowing the truth. It took me too long to realize how I felt. I should have said something, the first time I noticed.

//inspired by RETURN FROM HEAVEN story line, @shabcn​ 

[disastrousjest]

Getting over it

Plotted starter @maruchimyuzu suzi/Joseph

Joseph took a deep breath when he stepped off the ferry, pulling the strap of the single bag he carried a little closer to himself. Teals were directed upwards towards the structures that brought back so many memories for him. Being here and standing here in that moment, he almost thought that maybe he was making a mistake. Maybe coming back to Italy was the wrong thing to do. He had half a mind to turn around and step back onto the boat that would take him back to the mainland but stopped himself from running. No, he needed to do this. It had been three years already and he couldn’t keep trying to run from his feelings forever. If he just tried to ignore it then it was likely that it would eventually start to eat him alive. He had just barely started getting over the horrible night terrors that would plague his mind night after night. Although sometimes he still had his bad days, learning to cope with it was becoming a little easier for him. He imagined that in time it would probably become even less painful. Up until that day he had resolved to staying away from anything or anyone that could remind him of Caesar. That included his mother and the sweet girl that helped them through everything while they were there training on the island. Joseph couldn’t even eat Italian food much anymore without being reminded. The biggest reminder was attached to him though. The metal hand of his that he had learned to use thanks to Suzi. It was a reminder of that fight and what he had lost. That’s why now days he had resolved to wearing gloves in order to keep it covered. That and it’s unsightly appearance may alarm people who wouldn’t understand. He didn’t want to have that conversation.

Those metal appendages tightened now around the strap he held fast to. It was now or never. If he was going to face his emotions and learn to move on with his life, this was going to be the best way to do it. He hadn’t spoken to Lisa Lisa or Suzi Q in three years, not since his recovery had concluded and he was good to leave Italy to go back home to New York. His grandmother and Smokey both had thought it was a bad idea for him to be traveling back to Italy so soon after Caesar’s death. Convinced that he would only be tearing open old wounds if he did. But Joseph had assured him that he would manage just fine. He had been okay for the last year or so after all. He needed to come here again for closure. He needed to accept his feelings and the truth. That Caesar was gone and there was nothing in the world that would ever bring him back. And that Joseph himself, had lost his chance—any chance—he would have had to tell Caesar how he felt about him. A love that had gone unspoken would never be resolved. That was something he would have to learn to accept if he was going to move on. And so, he had set to transfer to college there in Rome, starting with the new semester within the next week or two. He figured that would give him enough time to adjust to being in Italy again. And being around Lisa Lisa and Suzi once again. The memories would flood back, he was sure of it—but he couldn’t let that stop him from trying to move forward with his life anymore.

He would love Caesar and never forget him. But it was time to move on.

Pressing forward with that thought he finally forced his legs forward to cross the grounds. Taking it all in. It felt like just yesterday that he was seeing Air Supplena Island for the first time. Now it just felt strange to be there. Not just because of everything that he had been through but because he had been given the knowledge now that Lisa Lisa was his birth mother. Although the two hadn’t really spoken much since Joseph had confirmed to them that he had survived the fight against Kars. Joseph had communicated that he needed some time away to clear his head and adjust to everything before they even thought about tackling that issue. Maybe now he could have a shot at learning how to be her son. It was strange to think especially since he was raised by Erina. Even more so that his mother was a Hamon master and had been in hiding—alive—this whole time. Eighteen years he had been led to believe that his mother was just gone, assumed to be dead as she had never made an attempt to find him. Only to find out she had done so to protect him from the life that even Erina hadn’t wanted for him. That ended up falling flat on its face though as Joseph seemed to follow down the same road that his grandfather had. The only difference? Joseph had been the one to win in the end. (Can I really call it winning though?) Yes, he had won, at the cost of the life of someone else. That was what the price had been to defeat Wamuu and Kars. A price he wished he hadn’t had to pay. But that was all in the past now.

Reaching the door to the estate, he paused. Should he knock? He had spent almost a whole month here three years ago and more or less had been living there with them. He knew the place so well. And the occupants inside knew him well enough as well. But at the same time, it had been so long since he had seen them. He hadn’t even bothered to call or write them. Hell, he really didn’t tell them that he was coming back to Italy. Actually, he had just decided that he was going to a month or two prior. Then booked the tickets, packed his things and arranged for a transfer with his schooling. It all seemed so sudden, but he had concluded that was the only way he was going to be able to move on. Maybe knocking would be the better thing to do after so long. It felt weird just walking in like he lived there after all. Even weirder to think that he might be welcome to do that since Lisa Lisa was his mother. That was something that would take a while for him to get used to. And so, with that he raised his right hand and knocked on the door, loud enough that he could hear it echoing in the corridors beyond it. Those long, polished corridors. Joseph found himself smiling just a little to himself as he thought about it. Thought about him.

The sound of his boots hitting the floor. The call of his voice as he searched for him or sometimes simply just finding him in the study, buried in a book. Caesar Zeppeli… Without realizing it, his cheeks had become dampened while he waited for someone to answer the door. Silent tears streaking their way down his cheeks. His heart still broken for him. This might be harder than he thought.

[disastrousjest]

Teals watched the carefully put together box that was sitting in front of him. It sat untouched in the spot that he had placed it in upon taking his seat in the cafe. Joseph sat with one elbow resting on the table, his chin sitting in his palm. There was a touch of sadness that lingered in that gaze, behind the uncertainty. Why? Because he wasnt sure what would happen next. The assignment that they had been working on together was over now. Which meant there could be no other reason for Caesar to need to see him. Unless he wanted to. And how could he expect that from him? He wasnt even sure if he retained any of his memories at all. Maybe all of this was just his chasing ghosts in hope to capture something that he missed out on.

The dreams didnt help. Every thing he found that reminded him of his recent past with Caesar had his heart aching for some kind of relief. It almost felt like he was going through a second phase of mourning over him, despite the fact that he was there before him. And he was alive. If only there was some way to tell. Granted, he had invited Caesar here to meet him. With the hope that talking to him might stir up some kind of real friendship between them beyond their single class together. A feeble attempt to drum up some old memories. That was Joseph's hope, anyway.

On the table sat a box of wonderfully fresh zeppoles. Why this desert? Well mostly as a joke in spite of himself. He'd accidentally called them Zeppeli without thinking. A hard hint that the blond occupied his mind more often than not, especially now.

I hope this goes well. Caesar and I had a rough start before. But... it's different now, isnt it.

@shabcn