#results of my poor judgement

[moonlit-orchid]

Having thoughts again. At what points do I establish boundaries, and what point do you compromise?

Because I'm starting to wonder if The Person (I'm sorry to bring it up again-) overstepped my boundaries/ forced me to break them, or if I was supposed to comprise there.

It's silly, really. They wanted to stop talking on email and move to DMs. I did not have permission from my mum (yes, I still need her permission for this sort of stuff, honestly it's a miracle I even have Tumblr at all) to DM anyone on my personal number, and honestly I took a pretty big risk just giving them my email because I just didn't know how mad my mum would be, and I really didn't want her to like go through my emails with them. She could have even said to block them, or at least stop talking to them. So email was already a big risk. But after a while they didn't like being on email and wanted to DM or phone. I told them that it wasn't possible for me to ask, especially as at that time, my family was going through one of the worst, if not the worst, patch we've been through, and my mum was very quick to get angry, and I just wanted to avoid all that.

The thing is, they kept bringing it up, and made me feel like a bad friend for not asking my mum if she was okay with me DMing them. Eventually I did ask on a reckless impulse, but it was ridiculously nerve wracking.

And then after that, even DMs weren't enough. They wanted to call. I only like to be on the phone to someone after my family has gone to bed so that I won't be interrupted, and my life was really busy at the time too, and I don't like to phone anyone anyway (I feel like I'm disturbing them, and these days I almost prefer just texts. The introvert in me is very powerful). So they got passive aggressive, ignoring my messages and again, I felt like a horrible friend for not making an effort.

And I'm just thinking of each time I had to make an effort, each time I had to do more and more, and I wonder if I was compromising in those situations, like I've always been told to do to keep a relationship of any kind going, if that's just what a good friend does and I'm bad at being a friend. Or if maybe my boundaries were being crossed and demolished, and I just didn't realise it. Because deep inside me, I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with DMs anyway.

What's making me think I was taken advantage of is the fact that they refused to use another social media app that I did have permission to use, because they hated it. They were able and free to use whatever social media they liked. I was not. Yet they didn't want to DM me on the social media I was allowed because they hated iit. They didn't make that sacrifice. I didn't make a sacrifice so much as do something that made me very uncomfortable. So I almost feel like, looking back, I was disrespected or my boundaries were pushed too much. Perhaps the fact that if I ever end up like this again, I wouldn't even let it go past the wanting-to-DM stage and put my foot down there, means I did have boundaries crossed. I'm not sure.

Also just so I don't make another post, another thing that made me so uncomfortable was how... obsessed they were and how they outright admitted it. If you're going through my other social media (not that I post on anything but AO3), please don't tell me. It makes me so uncomfortable, especially if you tell me you looked at everything I bookmarked too (in fact, now I'm gonna just bookmark everything on private just because of how uncomfortable being told that by them made me feel), or if you look at everything I like on Tumblr or something. Just don't tell me. At all. Please. I just... I just don't like it. Maybe that's just me, maybe I'm silly, but it's just how I am, and I needed to get it out.

I also felt uncomfortable when they overshared, or wanted to share their "worst side" with me. I don't want to know anyone's dark secrets or anything, or the questionable stuff someone may do. I don't know if that's a problem I need to work on, but I'd rather not know when someone does something really wild or crazy because it just makes me feel uncomfortable, like I've walked into something I just shouldn't have seen. Again, this last one is probably a problem I need to work on, but I just wanted to get it out.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

So I’m in a deeply red incredibly conservative state.  I ran a pride month 5k awhile back. The usual group of 3 protestors with an incredibly loud bullhorn showed up to yell at us about how trans people are mutilating themselves and AIDS is God’s judgement and we’re a menace to children etc. etc. etc. But they were vastly outnumbered by runners and volunteers. One of the first race announcements was that they hadn’t ordered enough T-shirts for the amount of people who ended up running, and would have to reorder, so anyone who wanted another race T-shirt should sign up now.

We’re all used to the protestors by now, they show up everywhere. We just ignore them. Interacting with them just encourages them.

I hadn’t realized how early the race date was this year compared to previous years and hadn’t prepared as much, and there were a lot of hills; not to mention there was some confusion as to the race route which resulted in the announcer referring to it post-run as a “4-mile 5k” (they are supposed to be about 3.5 miles. One guy ended up in an entirely different district of the city from where the race route was and still finished first.) I ended up walking a lot of the race, but I finished it, and did do a fair bit of running.

I had top surgery a few years ago but I’ve only gotten comfortable running shirtless this year as body fat redistribution happened. I had been trying to decide if I wanted to run shirtless or not before the protestors showed up and started yelling, then I was like ah. I will run past the transphobes shirtless like a human middle finger. And that is what I did. was wearing delightfully garish rainbow shorts I found at a thrift store and my pink triangle necklace.

Some Americorps volunteers were directing runners at one of the more confusing junctions, I high fived one and panted that I had just joined Conservation Corps. The sound of angry bullhorn shouting faded almost immediately behind us, and there were rainbow flags hanging in several of the yards we ran past throughout the route.

As in previous years, a lot of tough incredibly fit beautiful older people, mostly women, breezed past me during the race. One jogged up even with me with an encouraging “what would you do for a klondike bar!” I wasn’t sure how to reply to this and didn’t have the breath to express that I did not want anything thick or creamy at that moment, but what did come out was “you did remind me that there’s beer at the finish line.” Another lady who walked and jogged near me for awhile near the middle-latter half of the race talked a bit and complained that one of the volunteers organizing the race hadn’t set up the “water” table with fireball shots that she did for some other races and we just got a regular water and gatorade station!

Coming back to the finish line I was handed a flag and ran past long rows of cheering people. Around the corner the protestors were still lurking, but were mostly silent now. Apparently they had gotten worn out by just standing there and not running. As I passed the bullhorn guy shook himself out of his torpor enough to give a halfhearted “is it a man? is it a woman? who knows anymore?” I passed him and the sound of cheering, and then the 80s music (I remember Blondie and ABBA) they were blasting closer to the finish line.

Once most of the runners were back there was a fun run for the kids. A couple of the older ones had also run the 5k (I just know the protestors were awful to the poor guys ughh) but all of them made a lap around the parking lot and got handed medals. All of the adult volunteers and participants spread out around the middle of the parking lot so that there was someone cheering and waving flags for the kids along every step of the route.

There were free snacks, water and beer courtesy of our sponsor [brand redacted]. There was also non-alcoholic “beer”, which I thought was nice to see, I’d been thinking there was a heavily alcoholic element to a lot of local queer events. I drank a lot of water and ate some food before getting a free beer, which still hit me pretty hard after the run. While I was hovering around the refreshment table a big handsome butch came up next to me and I noticed a faded tattoo on her arm of a chain, each link a different color of the rainbow.

I went to put something down in my car just as the protestors were starting to leave, and realized that they were moving on a course that overlapped with mine as I walked to my car. I decided I wasn’t going to stop or veer out of their way and just see what they did. As I got closer they seemed to be talking about how we had definitely totally noticed that they were leaving (no one had.) They noticed me coming towards them and suddenly got quiet, avoided eye contact and skittered out of my way. Ha.

I stumbled into the nearby fundraiser to cool down and sober up in the air conditioning before I left. They were playing girl in red, rupaul, that girls/girls/boys song by Panic! at the disco, and that Taylor Swift song “You need to calm down” that some people on this site complained was cringe. The lady next to me sang along to “shade never made anybody less gay.” I bought a baseball hat.

It’s easy, I think especially if you’re very online and not very active in your local community, to start feeling like there’s no queer community in your area and we’re outnumbered by people who hate us. Unless you live in the middle of Westoboro Baptist territory that’s generally not true. I cannot stress enough how incredibly conservative and red my area is. We’ve got like 3 very loud people with nothing better to do who bother us at every event, and large amounts of people across all demographics who show up in support. I’ve been thinking about this post by @headspace-hotel about not being able to find stuff online and this is a slightly different thing but yeah. If you don’t know what there is in your area, you don’t know what you’re looking for or where to find it when searching online. If you search “is there queer stuff happening near me” google is going to shrug and recommend you Products And Services that it can Sell You. When I moved back home after spending some time in a much more blue state (but which had much less of a sense of community--I think it’s the way we band together down here when we know just what the stakes are) I felt like I was going to be the only trans person in the state, then someone mentioned to me that there was a local private facebook group for trans people to share personal posts and resources with many hundreds of members. There are more of us that aren’t on facebook. The Facebook group, though, introduced me to many more resources I hadn't known were in my area.

Get outside. Find some sort of local queer event and ask around. There will be other queer people. There is very likely something you’re interested in already happening or people who would love to work with you to start it if not. Even if you’re in a very red very rural state, you’re not alone, and chill or neutrally polite people vastly outnumber the few assholes, it’s just that the assholes are very loud and especially if you’ve been marinating in overwhelmingly toxic online environments it can feel like they’re everywhere. They’re not. Don’t give them that power.

The current legal landscape is terrifying and needs a lot of work but it doesn't reflect lived experiences. Get outside, find your local community, show up to in-person events if at all possible, it’s so encouraging.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Regarding the post about Marinette being punished for trusting people and the response to it, this is something I always have trouble explaining because it sounds callous? But fictional characters aren't people. It's not that their lives just so happen to get in the way leading to something bad happened the writers decided that should happen, and it's important that you stop and ask WHY this happens. If the camera is "on" per se, people assume it's relevant and will tie into something larger. So like if the camera is on and all we see is Alya revealing her identity and then the result is she's outed in the same way she was in Heroes Day, the audience naturally concludes it's connected and thus realizes the lesson is either "Alya learns she shouldn't share her identity" OR "Marinette learns she shouldn't trust people" or both.

Secret identities are a great example of this phenomenon. We're NOT shown every time a villain's plan is foiled because they didn't know the heroe's identity, we ARE shown every time a heroe's identity causes friction in their lives. As such, large parts of the audience think of secret identites as inconveniences because that's what's shown (not just in Miraculous Ladybug, in tons of other shows)

Like you are supposed to make connections in Television about what's being shown to you that no one would make in real life (or at the very least no one SHOULD make in real life) because there's a limited space to tell the story and the audience is assuming the writers aren't wasting our time.

If these were real people it would be unreasonable to say because people have their own lives Marinette can't trust them, but in a story where Marinette is the main character who is explicitly always supposed that's. An accurate way to read the story!

And I also understand that this is a very boring construction if you're making headcanons or thinking about these characters! But that's a different lens, it doesn't make the broader writing lens invalid. You're speaking different languages at that point.

Anyway I hope that helps someone, that's my two cents

You summed it up perfectly! There's a ton of valid criticism to be had of Miraculous, but you can tell from the narrative framing that almost all of it comes down to writing choices and not things that are supposed to be seen as in-universe issues even though a lot of fans treat them as such. It's really weird to see things like people complaining about everything revolving around Marinette as if it's a personal flaw of hers and not the result of her being the main character in a fictional world. "Main Character Syndrome" literally pulls its name from the fact that this is how main characters work in a lot of media. It's a flaw when a real person does it, but in terms of story telling, it's extremely normal - and often good story telling - to have everything revolve around your main character or a core cast.

The issue with Miraculous is that they chose a lot of poor conflicts if they wanted Marinette to be the one and only main character, but that's not her fault. She didn't decide to have the rules around identities make no sense. The writers did. She didn't decide to make the main villain Adrien's dad while also keeping Adrien from being involved in the story. The writers did. The list goes on and on and, because none of it reflects badly on Marinette in the writers' eyes, the show doesn't act like Marinette is in the wrong. Remember, these are the same writers who think that Derision was a great episode that added depth to Marinette instead of destroying her character and making her look unhinged. Their judgement is clearly a little skewed.

While the writers love to make bad plot choices, they are generally using proper story telling language to make those choices, which is why I can tell you how characters' actions are intended to be read. The Rena Furtive and Nino example is a great one because it allows me to show that the writers do understand how to set things up. In fact, once they've decided that they're going to do a thing, they pretty much always set it up at a basic level. It's rarely spectacular and often frustrating, but it's never shocking.

In Rocketear, Alya promises Marinette that Nino will never learn about Rena Furtive. The episode then ends with her breaking that promise via the following exchange:

Alya: (sighs) I'm still Rena Rouge. (Nino gasps.) But now I'm in hiding and that's why Ladybug asked me not to tell anyone. Nino: But why are you telling me if no one's supposed to know? Is Ladybug cool with this? Alya: I can't hide it from you, because I love you, Nino, and we share everything.

Look at how this confession is presented. Look at what the dialogue focuses on. When Marinette confessed her identity to Alya, it was all about the confession and supporting Marinette. There was no discussion of this being a problem for Chat Noir or anything like that because - in the writers' eyes - that wasn't a problem for some reason. This is why Chat Noir almost instantly absolves Ladybug of blame once he finds out about the identity reveal (see: Hack-San.) The writers didn't want it to be an issue so it wasn't:

Ladybug: I'm really sorry, Cat Noir. I should've told you. I mean, if I found out that you told someone about your secret identity, I'd... probably be upset, too. I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings. Cat Noir: You didn't hurt my feelings. You did everything right

But when Alya confesses her identity to Nino, the conversation is not just about her confession. It's about her confession and how she's not supposed to do this. That's why Nino's response is not loving support. Instead, he asks if this is a good idea and if Ladybug knows.

These things are getting focused on because the writers are telling you that this is a bad thing. It's supposed to feel ominous. When I first watched Rocketear, I assumed that the season was going to end with Gabriel getting the fox off of Alya due to Nino because that was an obvious way to raise the stakes and they'd just heavily implied that Nino knowing would be a bad thing. I was, unfortunately, right. The only on screen consequence of Nino knowing is that he outs Alya to everyone in an incredibly forced series of events (see: Strikeback):

(Ryuko successfully prevents the Roue de Paris from hitting them, yet, it flies to the direction where Rena Furtive is. This causes Carapace to panic.) Carapace: Rena! (takes out his shield) Shell-ter! (Carapace's superpower successfully prevents the Ferris wheel from hitting Rena Furtive on top of the Tour Montparnasse. But the information of Rena Furtive's active status shocks the heroes, as well as Shadow Moth.) The heroes: Rena?! Shadow Moth: (from the top of the Eiffel Tower) She's still active?

Of course the Ferris Wheel goes straight for Alya's hiding spot and of course Nino screams her name before casting his power and of course the villain overhears it. It's all so forced and unnatural, which should make it glaringly obvious how much the writers wanted this to happen. This wasn't something they were kind of forced to do because it made sense for the narrative and they wanted to tell a good story. Instead, they wrote an awkward series of events because they really, really, really wanted Nino knowing to be a bad thing that outs Alya so that Marinette loses all of the miraculous even though none of this makes much sense.

How the hell did Gabriel hear Nino's shout from so far away? Is he able to overhear everything the heroes are saying? How does Nino even know that Alya is hiding there? And since when was a Ferris Wheel a threat to these guys? Your girlfriend is a magical girl and she's in her magical girl form, dude. You could drop a building on her and she'd be fine, a thing you have to know because this scene literally goes on to have Chat Noir go flying into a building, hitting it so hard the cement literally cracks, and no one really cares. I guess it's fine if Adrien is a punching bag, but Alya must be protected at all costs...

Anyway, while the above series of events was annoying, none of it was surprising. In fact, it would have all be perfectly predictable even if Alya outing herself was that treated as a more neutral event. Her choice leading to bad things falls perfectly in line with a truly bizarre running theme in the show: outing your identity to the person you love romantically is a bad thing that leads to bad consequences. That's why Chat Blanc and Ephemeral ended the world and why Nino knowing cost Ladybug the fox and why the character they call Joan of Arc has to give up her miraculous to be with her love and why the Kwami's have this absolutely asinine dialogue in Kwamis' Choice:

Plagg: Sugarcube! Having to force them to choose between love and their mission is just awful! Maybe Master Fu was wrong to choose them. Tikki: No, they’re made for each other. Love is what gives them their strength. Plagg: But the impossible part of that love is destroying them, and I know a thing or two about destruction. Tikki: (sighs heavily) What can we do? Plagg: We must free them of that impossible choice. We must… free them of us.

This is the voice of the author telling you that outing the identities is not and never will be a good choice for the love square. Never mind that Alya is allowed to know Marinette's identity or that Gabriel finding out is what actually ended the world in the alternate timelines or that Felix outted himself in public but is still wielding or that freaking Gabriel was allowed to know half of the temp heroes' identities while they were still actively wielding. For some reason, those things don't matter to the narrative, probably because romantic love wasn't involved. The "identity reveals are a bad thing" rule only seems to apply when romantic love is a key element to the point where it's a reoccurring theme in this supposed power of love show.

[ahyperactivehero]

If you're still feeling DBD drabbles I'd love some post-canon Edwin and Crystal bonding (making fun of celebrities together? studying magic? comparing rich neglectful parents?)

I love a good Edwin and Crystal bonding moment! I hope that if we ever get season 2 we get to see more of them bickering and bonding. Because these two remind me of me and my sibling so strongly it almost hurts <3

(reminder that i am taking election night drabbles, although i can't promise they'll be posted tonight. i'm working on as many as i can, but it is getting late! i'll likely finish most of them tomorrow unfortunately)

Drabble 2 

Crystal and Edwin were at war. Or at least, that’s what Crystal would have labeled themselves as. According to Charles this was simply, ‘Edwin when he likes you,’ which Crystal wanted to be judgemental about, but she had her memories back and she could remember what a menace she’d been to people she liked.

“It is not hard, Crystal,” Edwin stressed, leaning heavily on to the desk in front of him. At some point in time he had abandoned his coat and jacket and rolled his sleeves up in what had to be the most laid back outfit Crystal had ever seen him in.

Yet there was nothing relaxed about Edwin. She’d never known him to be a particularly relaxed person, but there was a strange undercurrent of stress that was running through him that she was pretty sure wasn’t always there.

She sighed again for what must have been the millionth time and dropped her phone onto the couch next to her. It’s not like anyone she actually liked contacted her that way. In fact, she’d been arguing with her mom the last time someone had actually reached out to her, which had only resulted in Crystal storming out of the house and crashing in the agency’s office for a few days.

Which brought them to where they were now. Edwin tapped the book in front of him, looking for all the world like a young teaching assistant annoyed with his students. “If you would simply try, I know you cou-”

Violently, she shoved herself up off of the couch. Her feet banged against the floor, almost loud enough to rattle the windows, and for once she was glad Charles wasn’t here. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

“I have tried, Edwin! I’ve tried, okay! Have you ever tried shutting up?!” she asked before throwing herself back down onto the couch, her back turned towards the world as if that might somehow block out the ghost.

One of Crystal’s favorite and least favorite things about Edwin was that he never seemed to be dissuaded by her poor attitude. Sometimes, it even seemed to encourage him. “If you had actually tried, you would have cast the spell,” Edwin said. There was no heat to his voice, not even an ounce of actual anger to him– even though Crystal was sure he was pissed.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe if she did that she’d be able to block out Edwin’s voice and the tears at the same time. “I did try,” she said, all of the fire in her voice having faded until it sounded broken and sad.

The sound of soft footsteps filled the room. Edwin’s familiar sounding boots shuffled against the floor until he reached the couch and seemed to hover there for a moment. 

“Ah,” he said. “I see.”

And Crystal wasn’t sure what he meant until she rolled over and saw him looking at her phone. 

“You are fighting with your parents,” he said.

“So what?” she asked and snatched her phone out of his hands.

“So, magic, especially one as instinctual and ingrained as yours, is highly influenced by your emotions.” Crystal glared up at him from the corner of her eye, which forced him to hold his hands up in defense. “Not because you are a woman, or whatever else it is you might be thinking I meant. Just because magic works that way.”

They needed a new couch. She poked at a hole that had long since been worn into the cushion and pulled out a bit of stuffing before sticking it back inside. “So I’m just going to keep fucking it up?” she asked.

Edwin sat down on the floor with his back to the couch. It was almost easier to talk this way, the two of them back to back. At least then she didn’t have to see his judgmental face, and he wouldn’t have to see her cry.

Not that she was crying, of course.

“No,” Edwin said quietly. “You will not keep ‘fucking it up.’ Although it will likely take time for you to get used to doing magic with such intentions, not just relying on your instincts to guide you.”

She pulled another thing of stuffing out before shoving it back in. “What’s so wrong with instincts?” Her ancestors had done fantastically for her so far.

Edwin shuffled, but she couldn’t figure out what he had done. “Nothing. Instincts are, as Charles would say, brills. They help keep you alive and safe and have been developed for exactly that reason.”  He shifted again, and this time Crystal could feel him fully leaning back against the couch, and the goosebumps that a ghost in too close proximity caused raised along her skin. 

“But what happens if you can’t trust your instincts? What if something has changed or been manipulated and you can’t trust them?” he asked.

And Crystal knew they were talking about something heavy, something that Edwin would definitely rather not talk about with her. But here he was, talking about it with her just the same.

“You mean Hell?” she asked. She rolled over just enough to get a peek at the top of Edwin’s head. Even though she could see very little of him, she could tell that he was nervous and that made her nervous.

“Not strictly speaking of Hell. There are plenty of supernatural beings with the ability to manipulate you or your senses for their own gains.” He looked over his shoulder, his eyes barely catching hers. “But yes, I was referring to demons like David.”

Her nails had already been bitten down to the quick, but she chewed on them anyways. Buzzes shook the couch as more texts from her mom chimed in, likely just another rant about what an awful child she was and how she was making everything so difficult for them.

“They’re just saying those things because they feel like they are failing as parents,” Edwin said. He’d turned back away, his eyes staring into the closet as if it offered something particularly interesting inside. “And while that might be true, that does not mean that you are a failure.”

She snorted. “Oh yeah,” she said. “What do you know about it?”

Edwin’s sharp green eyes turned towards her before quickly cutting away. “You are hardly the only one to grow up with rich, neglectful parents,” Edwin said. “Why do you think I was sent away to school in the first place?”

Any and all fight she had had in her died. Fighting with Edwin was supposed to be fun and sharp and quick– it didn’t seem fair to fight him when he was being so honest.

A forced smile spread across her face as she reached out and bumped him with her hand. “Shoulda known you had rich parents,” she said. “Look at how you talk.”

Edwin furrowed his brow. “Everyone at school spoke the way I do.”

“Exactly.”

They sat in silence for a while before Crystal sighed and held out her hand. “Gimme the book,” she said. Which Edwin gracefully did.

The original language was too hard for Crystal to read, but Edwin had written it down in English and then wrote it out phonetically below that. It wasn’t very long, nor was it anything special, just a minor illusion spell. It wouldn’t be enough to trick anyone, or save her from a demon, but it was definitely a start. 

“Charles will be happy you’re trying again,” Edwin said as she ran her hands over the pages. 

“Oh yeah?” she asked. Was that a B or a D? Edwin’s handwriting was so nice it was almost hard to read.

“He takes his job very seriously as the brawn,” Edwin said, as if she needed to be told that. “But it makes him happy to know that you or I could defend ourselves with spells if we had to.”

Once again she snorted. “But you never do,” she said. “And I don’t see how this little spell is supposed to help.”

Edwin nodded. “Never need to. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to in return. Besides, this was one of the first spells I ever learned, and it's a great base to build on.”

And maybe that was a better way of looking at it. Not just defending herself or learning magic that some old, dead person other than Edwin had created when she could just use her own ancestral abilities. No, this was just another way to protect not only herself but the people she had come to love. 

Plus, wouldn’t it be nice to have a base spell that she could work on? If she could master this, maybe she could use some elements from it in her family's own magic.

Slowly, she read the words out as she tried to picture what she wanted to show Edwin. It wouldn’t be perfect, she was sure of that, but God if she wasn’t going to make this time work.

Purple petals and leaves filled the air as the image of the tree inside herself appeared in her palm. It was shaky, the picture almost glitchy and waving before reappearing slightly less detailed than before. It was as if someone had roughly sketched what was inside her without any special art talent.

But dammit, that was her tree, and she had cast it.

“It’s beautiful,” Edwin said. His eyes were wide, and he leaned in. Petals settled over him for a moment before passing through him on the way to the ground. She wondered if that was a ghost thing or a magic thing. 

“This is me,” she said. 

Edwin glanced at her before turning back to the tree. “Your ancestors’ tree,” he said, finally understanding. “I can only imagine how amazing it is in person.”

Pride she hadn’t expected to feel flooded her, filling her tree with even more light until it nearly blinded the two of them. Edwin folded her hands closed, shutting off the spell as they blinked spots from their vision.

She smiled sheepishly and he grinned back at her, one of the first true smiles she thought she had ever seen on his face. 

“We’ll work on that,” he said.

And they would.

[lakesbian]

the thing about the tumblr fandom's reaction to the latest csm chapter that's fucking bizarre is that people are apparently entirely ignorant to the fact that denji is, like, an agentic person with his own sexuality who is A. persistently interested in sex and B. persistently good at having a really maladapted relationship to his own sexuality where he gets to literally screaming-hoarsely-and-pounding-the-ground levels of upset over the fact that he really wants to have sex, often to the point of detriment to the more logically-motivated parts of himself. (& to say nothing of the associations he's formed as a result of consistently being taken advantage of and rendered a fool for being interested in sex, to the point where he clearly associates his own desires with punishment and loss and himself destroying his life & hurting the people he cares about). the disquieting thing about Denji's Weird Alleyway Handjob is not that he was a hapless victim and also [checks notes] 'a girl,' according to a hot new tumblr post that is absolutely not declaring that men can't be sexually assaulted, it's that he will literally be on the ground scream-wailing about how much he hates that he always, always thinks with his dick & then ten minutes later is Thinking With His Dick and enthusiastically kissing weirdo-girl back in dubious circumstances he's going to regret immediately after because he was thinking with his dick.

something can be consensual and still psychologically deleterious or self-harmful or against someone's better judgement immediately after--it is actively oversimplifying denji's character a ridiculous and embarrassing amount to portray mr dogboy masochist with a poor relationship to his own desire as just entirely lacking in agency in a circumstance where his reaction to a girl asking if crushing his balls would get him in the mood was to make The Horniest Face You've Ever Seen (again, textual masochist) and then kiss her back. this whole reaction is in my opinion absolutely part of a larger bizarre and frankly conservative trend in the csm fandom of people being unable to sympathize with denji unless they convince himself that he's actually just lying to himself and wrong about how he spends literally the entire manga off and on again fixating on sex and he actually doesn't want to have any sex at all and just needs ~love~ because he is a poor purehearted misled boy. like just straight up people refuse to understand denji as someone persistently interested in sex not because he was coerced into having desire via abuse but in spite of the exploitation of his desire. it's absurd

[soobnotfound]

Thinkin bout you chapter [01. well...hello there my skibidi queen]

When  Zaidaan Amin lead guitarist of popular band Burnouts posts a not so tasteful comment about his labelmate katseyes logo their PR teams force the two groups to merge and befriend each other.What happens when shy Yn Vaughn, the lead singer of burnouts catches the eye of socially awkward dancer Megan Skiendiel?

The strong scent of coffee wafted around the  café as the low sound of discussion flowed through the building. Priya and Yn sat next to each other, Yn on the edge of the seat because yn had already formed the 'perfect' escape plan if anything went wrong. Priya played with a small rubix cube that her brother gave her (although it was missing a square). Meanwhile Flynn was reprimanding Zaidaan and telling him how to react when katseye got there. The group was so absorbed in their own world that when Sophia greeted them the first two times they hadn't realised at all.

"Yo. We're here garage band" Daniela said irritatedly which gauged the attention of the band

"We don't use fucking garage band" Zaidaan had mumbled to himself equally as irritated as Daniela due to the comment.

The members of katseye sat opposite the members of burnout a thick awkward tension lingering in the air that desperately needed to be broken, so taking it upon himself Zaidaan spoke first.

"It's so crazy that we're all here together two groups under HYBE x geffens getting along, ten crazy ki—"

YNS pov 

   "Our logo isn't stupid." The blonde one spoke interrupting Zaidaan (thank god).  

Zaidaan unfortunately being the argumentative and impulsive person that he is felt the need to respond to her "well it kind of is...I mean what is even going on with it? What's it mean, ya know I'd expect a cat to be on there or some—" 

I really tried to care about whatever the hell those two were talking about but I found it really hard, especially when the ginger one was looking at me. Like...full on staring me down, it was quite scary actually she kind of looked like she wanted to pounce and me and kill me. 

I sunk into my seat uncomfortably and attempted to avoid eye contact completely. 

"Girl she's totally checking you out" Priya mumbled poking my shoulder with the biggest grin known to mankind on her face.  

"No I think she just has a staring problem" I Whispered back to her trying to be as discreet as possible so the ginger girl didn't notice we were talking about her. 

I felt I needed to get out of this situation as soon as physically possible because the more the girl looked at me the more terrified I was, so I excused myself to the bathroom and immediately found refuge there.

3rd person Pov

Megan watched as yn left her seat which prompted Lara to play wingwoman for her hopeless friend 

"pretty sure you scared her off with your insistent staring, it was like you were trying to melt her with heat vision"

"I- no? She was just uh...okay you know what Lara, I don't appreciate your judgement." Megan attempted to switch her focus to her friend. 

"Right but you need it because this is hopeless...you should go talk to her alone and apologise for freaking her the fuck out" Lara squeezed Megan's shoulders whilst simultaneously pushing her to stand up.

"In the bathroom? Lara this is actually wild-" 

Lara cut her off "Bye bye now" waving her hands shooing Megan off to the bathroom.

“Uh hello? You in here, Miss band lady?” 

Yn held her breath hearing Megan's voice "what the fuck" she mumbled under her breath bracing herself and pushing open the door

"OH MY GOD GET BACK!" Yn shouted using a bidet to protect herself which proved to be both pathetic and ineffective only resulting in both yn and Megan soaked in water.

"WHAT THE FUCK CHILL!" Megan screamed as she pulled the bidet from yns hands and  turned it towards yn further drenching the poor girl

"Dude what the hell!!?" Yn grabbed the bidet and threw it to the ground.

...

The two girls stood in silence for a moment, their bodies entirely drenched in water, hair sopping and clothes dripping.

Yn looked up at Megan and a small grin appeared on her face. 

Megan looked up at Yn and began to laugh, the two girls both began to burst into a fit of giggles.

Yn smiled and extended her hand to Megan.

"I'm Yn Vaughn."

"Megan Skiendiel"

[sunnycanvas]

Baldwin iv x Reader Smut

Throne Sex

Warning: Exhibition sex, slight lactation kink, breeding kink and voyeurism

Baldwin iv had felt like happiest man alive. He always wanted to marry someone and have children. He adored his nephew and wished he had his own but sadly Baldwin iv doubted if he is capable of having children. Also not to mention leprosy was thought to be sexually transmitted disease. A punishment from god but that was ridiculous! He never had sexual intercourse with women, he had also never fallen in love before! All his time he dedicated were to his studies, horse riding and swordmanship. How he wished to have a companion. Since he knew he couldn't have children he atleast wanted a wife. No noble man was willing to give their daughters and no woman wanted to marry him also his ministers warned him that it won't be socially acceptable for him to marry since leaporsy was thought to be sexually transmitted. He vowed to live in chastity. He didn't have much of choice anyways. Until he met you. You accepted him . You were aware that his condition won't make it possible to have children with him You were aware of it and accepted him as he is, how rare was it to find someone who genuinely loved him for who he is and didn't judge him as a person who had been cursed by God. Meanwhile you were a person who believed that God loved everyone no matter how they were, you never believed what others told you and made your own judgement, when you learned about leaper king. Your heart pained thinking about poor boy who had to suffer and was harshly being judged. You prayed for the holy land and you prayed for him. When you learned about how he won against saladin in a battle and how much despite his struggle was able to boost morale for his knights you grew to admire him but as you learned more about him you started to fall in love with him. Oh! How you wanted to be his bride and take care of him and be a nice a queen of Jerusalem. Someone who could stay with him and some one whom he could depend on, you requested your father that you wanted to marry the king of Jerusalem.

Your father was shocked "But don't you have ample suitors already some of them king themselves, why would you want to marry a leaper" "God has already shown his divine judgement on him" "He would die anyways within short period of time also you wouldn't have children with him what would be the point in marrying him" you didn't listen but kept pleading your father. Your father was stubborn in his decision so were your other family members. You tried getting help from close relatives but in vain. In desperation you tried contacting distant relatives but alas! The result was same. Except for one ambitious distant relative named Reynold de chatillon who wanted more power decided to use his political power and ended up convincing the king in marrying you. Baldwin iv was beyond enthralled to finally have a wife. To finally have some one whom he could spend his life with he quickly demanded your potrait and when he saw your potrait he was spellbounded . You were beyond beautiful. "A god's gift" he thought . That day he went to church and thanked the gods for giving him support and love. He ensured to get married to you as quickly as possible. He was caught often daydreaming of you. People close to him noticed and started to tease him but he didn't care. He was finally going to have some one as his wife. Before the wedding day he hardly slept. On the wedding day he was happy to finally to marry you. He was shy and you giggled at his shyness. He wanted to break the silence and asked"Where are your parents and siblings my love?" "Also I can't seem to find your relatives here" after hearing this you chocked back your tears and Baldwin iv immediately felt bad. "Nobody came since they don't support this marriage" "My only relative who supported this union couldn't show up". "He said he had his reasons." Baldwin iv internally chewed his cheeks since he suspected he knew what the reason was, Reynold de chatillon was probably at home drinking and celebrating his new found power. Baldwin iv decided not to think of it.

It's not like you are interested in power or throne you are only interested him. Someone who genuinely loves him. He was feeling shy under your gaze and excused himself for drink. He was happily drinking until he overheard his nobles gossiping "Isn't it obvious that this was a power grab move by Reynold de chatillon" "I am suprised that king couldn't realise it" another noble said that "leprosy is probably effecting him badly" "It must have reached his brain as well, he barely pays attention these days" third noble who joined their conversation added "Let's not forget that the king is so weak that he is going to be dominated by his wife" all three of them laughed at this and added how the king was unable to unite barons ever since his sister Sybilla married Guy of Lusignan. Also there were rumours how Raymond iii always secretly wanted the throne but the weak king who banished him knew he needed him so he welcomed him back to court. Baldwin iv was hurt after hearing this conversation. He also felt that about Raymond and banished him from court but remembered that he was only one capable to fend off guy until Baldwin v came of age so he made him regent for his nephew. He once again fell into his insecurity and thought "who would love him" internally. Perhaps you were forced to marry him by his ambitious relative.

He had few more drinks until his face flushed.He was walking staggeringly towards you. Before he reached you his tutor William of tyre stopped him. "You must remember to do your duties tonight" Baldwin iv after hearing this looked at him shocked and said "who would want to perform their duties with a decaying rotten body" his tutored looked at him furious and said "Your grace, you must try to understand that their are no suitable candidates for your crown" "Guy of Lusignan is can't help, your nephew is too young and also you don't have suitable relatives to take your crown as well as a result it is important to do your duty as quickly and effectively and possible or else we will loose this kingdom to your enemies as a result all of us present here will witness you consummate your marriage, by any miracle if your bride happens to be pregnant we will know for sure that it is yours" by now Baldwin iv had tears in his eyes being aware enough about the implication of those words. His tutor realising he made a mistake was about to apologise but he held up his hand to silence him. Immediately his shut his mouth and gave his king congratulations and left. Now Baldwin iv continued walking towards you staggeringly hoping no one would interrupt him this time. He still had hope that you would be different. He also wanted to do his duties as the rightful king of Jerusalem. He loved his country and wanted to retire early but alas! Nobody was capable enough to rule in his place which forced him to remain on throne. He desperately walked towards you seeking your warmth while reminding himself to fulfill his duties as king tonight and try to get you pregnant

You were happily chatting with some noble ladies until you realised that your husband was walking towards you with difficulty. He nearly fell before he reached towards you but quickly grabbed him before he hit the floor. You looked at him worried that made Baldwin iv happy to have some one care for him. Until he heard other nobles mocking and laughing at king for being weak and being dependent on his wife. Baldwin iv was furious. Meanwhile you having no idea what was going decided to check the temperature of king seeing how flushed he was, before you could touch his forehead the king grabbed your hand and stood up. You were confused by his behaviour, suddenly he pulled you closer by waist by another arm and the king started to kiss on front of everyone. Your heart thundered with joy and you forgot about everyone else in room. Baldwin iv noticed his tutor looking at him dissaprovingly but he said "I am the king" "I get to do what I want" "I will rail my bride in front of everyone and you will watch" Some nobles tried to flee the room but he ordered them in low voice"Stay" every one gulped and watched their king. Baldwin iv again started to kiss you but this time roughly and pushed you against the wall. He continued kissing you until he realised that you no longer can breath. Consumed in his drunk lust for you. His hands slowly went down and began playing with your breast you were both shocked and aroused to be fondled by your husband in front of everyone, for some reason you enjoyed it. While playing with your breast your husband whispered "Soon they will be filled with milk and you will be nurturing our babies" "I will watch you while you feed our baby knowing that I was the one who made you give birth to our children". He pulled your gown down enough for your nipples to exposed and started sucking on your nipples. "I wonder what it taste like" you chocked on your moan hearing this. You suddenly came out of your trance and noticed everyone staring at you

You were consumed with embarrassment and Baldwin iv noticed. Feeling jealous that others have you attention he stood up to gaze in your eyes grabbed your jaw. Making you look at him. "Don't you dare pay attention to other men while you are with your lord husband" . He said this time while playing with your pusssy over your clothes. You started moan his name out until you soon realised you were in public and started staring at other men. Baldwin iv hated when you looked at other men while he pleasured you. You were supposed to look at him! He hated loosing control of you in this situation. "Weak king" suddenly a voice echoed in his mind. He was no weak king, he thought. He grabbed you by arms and pulled you towards his throne. He threw you on his lap your ass on lap and making you lay like todder. You sqeaked and Baldwin iv said "this is your punishment for being disobedient to your lord husband" he continued spanking you while others watched astonished at their king. After he was soon done with your spanking he asked "Will you again be disobedient to your lord husband" after hearing this you replied both aroused and embarassed"No my lord". "If you disobey again you will regret it". You swallowed down your moan and replied "Yes my lord". Baldwin iv smilled at you and said "good girl". "Now strip facing me " you were embarrassed to do it in front of everyone but you had no choice and stripped. You were stripping slowly. "Faster we don't have all night" replied Baldwin iv. You quickly stripped in front of him now you were as naked as day you were born. Baldwin iv satisfied commanded "Come closer" you quickly walked towards him so that you don't anger the king. Baldwin iv was satisfied with your obedience. It has been so long he was finally feeling in power again. "Now strip me" your entire body felt heated up at suggestion but since you didn't want to anger the king you started stripping him with your trembling hands. You quickly removed his top.

You were at awe at his beautiful milky white skin. "He is well built man" you thought after seeing his muscles. You wanted to touch him but since you didn't want to anger the king so you decided to go against your wishes. You worked at his pants next and pulled his pants down. Now the king of Jerusalem sat in front of you nude in his throne. You were badly aroused at this point. Your legs trembled and you were leaking at the sight of the nude king sitting in front of you in his throne. Soon your legs gave out and you fell on ground on all fours. "Suck your king" he commanded. Without much hesitance you started you suck his cock. Baldwin iv was grateful that he could feel your mouth and started moaning. Meanwhile the nobles look at them with embarrassment while some women commented how their husband never make them moan like this. Some noble men were embarrassed at hearing their wife's comment. While some were green in envy knowing full were that their wives were lusting after king. Baldwin iv looked at scene in front of him with pride. He truly felt like a king at that moment. It truly felt good to be in control of the situation after so long. He soon moaned and came in your mouth. You happily drank his cum. Baldwin iv adorned how you drank all his cum without wasting a single drop. You truly wanted him. His heart filled with joy when he came to realisation. "Sit on my lap while facing me" he commanded. You quickly sat on his lap with his penis slowly gliding inside your vagina. Without a second warning he started thrusting inside you. He was going so rough! You loved every second of it. He kept on pounding inside your pusssy until he soon came. You moaned Baldwin iv named loudly for the whole whole to hear. You could feel is seeds getting inside your womb. Without giving you time to rest he turned you while sitting on his lap so that you were staring a nobles. He started thrusting you from behind. You moaned and arched your body.

Exposing your breast and vagina stuffed with Baldwin iv's cock. Baldwin iv enjoyed knowing he claimed you in front of everyone and continued thrusting inside of you in front of everyone. He penetrated you with his cock again. You slumped with your back forward and head down showcasing you were tired but Baldwin iv wasn't he soon started thrusting inside you with same position. You wanted to protest but couldn't dare to since you didn't want to disobey your king. After an hour of having sex on throne and cumming several times. You finally had courage to ask "My lord, please show me some mercy it has been an hour" Baldwin iv hearing this he replied "I am sorry love but I can't feel any sensation in penis" you both knew it was a lie. You also knew that Baldwin iv was getting hard again after cumming inside of you every time . "My married life is going to be so fun" Baldwin iv thought while thrusting inside you making you cum again and you begging him for mercy. "This is going to be long night" you all in hall thought as the night continued....

[lets-try-some-writing]

Humanformers Unicron being former mafia boss 👀.. Unicron gets babytrapped by the goverment

Unicron: Whoever told you that child is mine is a liar. They must've mistaken me for my brother.. You see He is the lady man that ends up with his flings throwing kids at him.: I never slept with anyone outside or in my.. Job. And i was never drunk.

?: What about morphine? Being mafia boss is dangerous and surely resulted in some injuries.. That lead to someone using y-

Unicron: She is not mine.

?? :Good we took samples then. We can confirm that she is yours

Unicron: You-

? :She has no other relatives to take her in. Consider her as something that keeps you from going to prison. We will also give you a parole officer. Better watch yourself Mr Reaper

Unicron: ...Very well then

It was a surprise to literally everyone, but Earth (Or Terra), according to DNA tests, was indeed Unicrons. No one knew how she was actually conceived since Unicron hadn't been with anyone. Unicron certainly didn't believe she was his, but he took her in anyway. No use letting a baby die. He had hoped that his brother would never catch wind of the whole affair considering their estrangement and Primus's health issues. But Primus found out anyway, most likely through one of his illegitimate children. And so against everyone else's better judgement, Primus sent his youngest legitimate son over to give Unicron a congratulations gift. Poor Optimus was given no peace as he was coerced into child care on Unicron's behalf.

Optimus didn't actually like Unicron and still doesn't, but he keeps coming back of his own free will as a sort of pseudo CPS just to be sure Unicron is actually parenting. He is fondly regarded as "Mr. Thirteen" by young Terra since Unicron refuses to call him by his name and instead refers to him by his number. Optimus is not fond of it, but he tolerates it for his young cousin's sake.

Unicron may or may not scare the ever living scrap out of Optimus and the government in more than a few ways with the things he teaches Terra. An ex-Mafia boss has enemies, and he can't have his unofficial heir getting wrapped up into any of it. Terra being trained in the correct way to swiftly kill a man? Self defense obviously. She's a young woman in a world filled with creeps. Terra being taught the art of skirting the law? Unicron is just making sure she is ready for the hassle that is taxes and lawsuits. Terra being very VERY familiar with Unicron's old associates? What on earth are you talking about? She's just visiting some of her aunts and uncles.

Terra suspects nothing. The government is nervous but largely fine so long as Pluto is keeping a vague eye on the situation. Optimus is stressed. He's a dad too and Unicron's method of throwing Terra into the deep end of the pool to see if she swims or drowns in all aspects of life puts him on edge. One of these days, he is going to go to Primus to request payment for his efforts.

[mintytealfox]

Hey.... hoi.... do you have any hurt/comfort headcanons for Norton and Alice?

OOOHH yes yes yes yes yes yes yeeesssss ;; I have MANY and they are LONG when covering BOTH sides so I will keep it to categories and just one at a time lol XD Unless yall want an actual NOVEL PFF

SO FOR THIS ROUND:

ARGUMENTS

Arguments have been on my mind recently for some reason and every relationship (friendships, lovers, familial, etc) has them cause feelings can get hurt regardless of intentions and apologies need to be offered. Some things that would normally fly might suddenly be taken wrongly on a bad day ;; which can cause confusion and hurt on both sides which then turns into an argument, that then turns into something that needs to be fixed properly.

SO

I think Norton would be a little more prone to take things the wrong way at times, while Alice has a more 'benefit of the doubt' mindset. But I have a difficult time picturing Alice saying anything that he would perceive as a jab. So I think it would be more along the lines of Alice extending that 'benefit of the doubt' mindset towards someone that Norton thinks has wronged him, (like calling him something or referring him as something that Norton takes as a slight).

Norton: "I can't believe you are taking his side??" Alice: "I am not taking his side, I am just saying that maybe what was said was taken wrongly...they didn't seem like someone who would say something like that" Norton: "??? So you aren't trusting my judgement in this??" Alice: "Its not like that, at all!" Norton: "?? What is it then?? Is my judgement wrong here too?? Have I just been wrong my entire life then??? Does my judgment not count cause I have been poor most of my life??"

And just blowing it up more than it should. Like, him not overly caring about the slight initially but wanted to bring it up to Alice hoping she would be like "that is nonsense, you aren't like that at all" only to hear, "well, what if that wasn't what they meant?" This surprising him and confusing him to the point that it now hurts for some reason he doesn't fully get why.

But his reaction might stun lock Alice and she won't notice right away that he is hurt and her saying 'that probably isn't what they meant' instead of 'oh don't worry, you aren't like that' and not shutting it down, now accidentally making his mind reel with "Am I actually like that?? She didn't deny it"

And this resulting in him needing some air and this alone time giving them a moment to figure out what the frick just happened and Alice able to analyze it in her head and then hurry over to Norton and put to words what his mind can't yet cause she is quicker with the draw in putting stuff to words.

But getting them in a situation where they are both heard and reassured they are on each other's sides would give them an opportunity to hug and apologize for hurt feelings and lashing out.

The image of them holding each other and Norton is resting his head on top of hers as they talk

Alice: "I am sorry, I didn't realize you were looking for validation.." Norton: "that isn't on you...I didn't know that was what I was looking for and put you in a bad spot....I want to protect you not put you in sour positions..." Alice: "you're allowed to get your feelings hurt, even when its me that is accidently doing it.." Norton: "I'm sorry.."

--------------------------

Now for Alice getting upset with Norton hmmmmmm

Ooooh her getting furious with him for keeping secrets from her about something that is hurting him or along those lines!

Like she had to leave for a month for a story and Norton couldn't go for some reason he made up but it was because he felt like something was wrong with him health wise and didn't want to slow her down.

So she doesn't find out until almost a month later that Norton has been sick for almost that entire time at home and didn't write a word about it in his letters to her. oooooh the pain she would feel ;;

Like she comes home like a half a week early and excited to show Norton only to find him in bed and his breathing sounds awful. This prompting her to drop everything and run to him feeling his fever and grabbing a cloth to wipe the sweat away from his face.

Alice: "how long have you been like this??" Norton: "not long..." Alice: "How long have you been sick????" Norton: "...what day did you leave...?"

Boi once she gets help and knows Norton is on the mend he is gonna get the tongue lashing of a LIFETIME

Just Alice SOBBING as she lays in bed next to him "how DARE you not tell me about this! You NEED to tell me these things so I can make a decision! You made the choice for me by not telling ME! How could you DO THIS to ME?? WHAT IF YOU DIED AND I WAS GONE??"

And Norton realizing he effed up on this one, just listens as she gets all this out. Once she is out of words, he turns on his side to face her and just pulls her into a tight hug and holds her to him

Norton: "I think it is safe to say....that we both agree that I did poorly this time.....I'm sorry.....I should have told you...and let you choose..." Alice: "promise me this won't happen again" -voice muffled cause her face is buried in his chest- Norton: "yea...I promise."

[girlactionfigure]

Enemies With Keffiyehs and the Enemies Without

URI KURLIANCHIK

“The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.”

—Joseph Heller, Catch-22

In times of war and strife, it’s important not to lose track of the difference between enemies and opponents. 

An opponent is a person with whom you share a goal but disagree on the methods. For example, I don’t consider Biden or the Labour party in Israel to be my enemies. I think they’re very wrong about their methods on how to achieve victory and peace, dangerously wrong even, but I don’t think they actively wish to harm me. They’ve analyzed the situation poorly, reached the wrong conclusions, and came up with a bad solution. Is this dangerous? Oh yes! Is it hostile? No. 

Surely, no one will doubt the patriotism of the current head of the Labour party, Yair Golan, who was among the first to charge into the Gaza Envelope on October 7, driving a civilian car, to save lives. He just doesn’t understand the psychology of the enemy so he makes poor political decisions. I’ll act within the best of my ability and within the limits of the law and civil decency to make sure he doesn’t get any official positions, but I certainly don’t wish him any harm.

An enemy is someone who wants to destroy you. It can be someone hiding in the ruins with a rocket launcher, or someone manipulating global media against from a fancy office in a skyscraper. It makes no difference.

Obviously a Hezbollah militant is an enemy. Greta Thunberg or Ilhan Omar are also enemies. Their objective is my destruction and I see no reason to treat the Nordic advertisement against drinking during pregnancy any differently than I would the bronze age barbarian hiding in a cave with murder in his heart. 

Both literally want to kill me.

They say all is fair in love and war. This is a battle for survival. You owe the enemy no civility, no fairness, no understanding, no compassion. 

This is something that people must understand: when we reach this level of hostility, this is no longer a debate. This is war. Any person who talks about “decolonizing Palestine” or “dismantling Israel” wants to murder you.

The only thing you owe your enemy is defeat.

Not in a million years would I condone violence against Kamala Harris, whom I consider a poor politician. I explained to people why I believe that voting for her would be a mistake but that’s the extent of the actions I’d condone “against” her. I’m happy that she lost the election because I think this is in the best interest of basically the entire human race, herself included. Whenever engaging her supporters online, I always strove to act with civility and debate in good faith. We all want America and Israel to be prosperous and successful, we just disagree on how to achieve this.

Enemies, on the other hand… Well, let me tell you a story. 

Julius Streicher was was the founder and publisher of the violently racist newspaper Der Stürmer. Imagine if Nick Fuentes and Jackson Hinkle had a baby (I apologize for that image) in a world with no community guidelines.

Julius was such an extremist that he was condemned by other Nazis. 

That’s right. That guy was too racist and hateful for the god damn Nazis. This, along with his generally disgusting behavior, resulted in him losing all party offices by 1940. 

He spent the rest of the war as a very rich and very hateful publisher.

In 1945, Streicher was captured in Austria by a group of American officers. Streicher was not a member of the military and did not take part in the planning of the Holocaust or the invasion of other nations. Nevertheless, he was sentenced to death. 

Why? Because he was an asshole.

Okay, it’s not something you can put in an official paper. Here’s a quote from the actual judgement:

“For his 25 years of speaking, writing and preaching hatred of the Jews, Streicher was widely known as 'Jew-Baiter Number One.' In his speeches and articles, week after week, month after month, he infected the German mind with the virus of anti-Semitism… Streicher's incitement to murder and extermination at the time when Jews in the East were being killed under the most horrible conditions clearly constitutes persecution on political and racial grounds.”

I’m sure you can think of one or two people in the West to whom this description would apply perfectly.

After October 7, these people cannot claim ignorance of the genocidal intentions of Iran and her proxies. This was probably the best-documented genocidal massacre in human history. 

There’s no way Spanish Prime Minster Pedro Sánchez didn’t know Israel was being bombed by five countries when he tried to block weapon shipments to Israel. None of the groups bombing Israel ever hid their genocidal intentions towards the Israeli people. Nevertheless, he did it. 

He’s an enemy.

The objective of these people is the destruction of the Israeli people. They’re not naively trying to achieve peace using the wrong methods. They’re not just trying to stop the war because they love humanity. No adult is that ignorant.

They want Jewish blood and lots of it.

Their goal is the same as Stericher’s, only they’re more careful with their words. In no small part because of what happened to Streicher, whose genocidal rants made him very rich but ultimately bought him the noose.

So keep this in mind. We have opponents and we have enemies. 

Don’t confuse the two and act accordingly.

[williamkisser]

Franziska Kurz - The Maid; her lore

Finally a lore drop YAAYAYAYA. I’ll probably be updating this post from time to time as i’d like this to be some kind of a masterlist.

🧹 Name: Franziska Kurz

🧹 Career: maid

🧹 Gender: female - mtf

🧹 Faction: survivor

🧹 Item: none

🧹 Role: assist - contain

🧹 Hunter switch: none

🧹 Difficulty: 1.5/3

🧹 Birthday: June 2nd

🧹 Nameday: March 9th

🧹 Age: 20

🧹 Height: 171cm

🧹 Nationality: Polish

🧹 Ethnicity: slavic

🧹 Social class: working class

🧹 Faith: protestant

🧹 Voice claim: Pola Negri - x

🧹 MBTI: INFP

🧹 Favourite dish: angel wings

🧹 Traits: paranoid, perfectionism, insecurity, humbleness, freedom-loving, judgemental

🧹 Talent: housekeeping

🧹 Likes: going on walks, showing affection

🧹 Dislikes: self centered, obnoxious people, cipher machines

🧹 Interests: literature

🧹 Associated character: Kurt Frank, Montague - @hauntted-idv oc

🧹 Character EP: Drunk by Kylie Minogue - x

My take on who would she get along with

PRE MANOR

Lore: Franziska, a girl raised at an ordinary province was born on the grounds of Poland annexed by the Kingdom of Prussia. Like many other people, she felt like helping out on the field and in the barn was far from her calling, therefore, she hired herself at the most common occupation for poor women at the time - a Maid. It was a very unrewarding job. They barely could find any free time and often worked hard all week with very little pay. Franziska, that wasn’t yet aware of her gender identity quickly realized that this place is not good for her either, and the owners of the mansion she worked in didn’t treat their servants with respect, not even knowing their names. Together with other male servants, she often had to engage in tough physical jobs. Unconsciously, she would often daydream while gazing at the female workers skirts and beautiful hair coverings, which shortly after made her realize she feels more like a woman. Her stay at the rich house took a serious toll on her mental health - resulting in her burning down the place and running away with a traditional dress she stole from the owner’s daughter - leaving the then-rich family without a bright future.

AT OLETUS MANOR

Lore: Shortly after the accident, Franziska fled to England on a ship, where she began working for rich home owners. Her employer was a German man, which made the task more easy as she knew the language. His family was much more nicer than the previous one. Despite her pay being still very low, the owner’s wife started paying for her English tutor, which would help her a lot. After some time, she received a letter from the infamous Oletus Manor, inviting her to the crew: and promising a big pay that would let her find a better job. Franziska took the risk, but little did she know her task was going to be much more than just becoming a part of the crew.

Personality: Due to her difficult past, Franziska developed many unhealthy behaviours. First of all, she’s extremely paranoid nearly on the verge of schizophrenia. The feeling of guilt makes her think that she’s being followed. She can’t stand dirty places, she is a perfectionist that could clean one little spot for several minutes. Many people may consider Franziska not unapproachable, judging by her mean face expression, she is however extremely friendly and loves talking. She can judge someone easily as well - she’s prejudiced towards people of higher status - often without reason. During her free time she discovered her passion for literature, amazing, engaging stories. She wasn’t the best at reading but she would work on it. She formed a strong bond with Kurt through his stories, eventually becoming lovers.

This is lowkey half assed and i feel cringe posting this but whatever yall…i am cringe but free………i’m sure my goober would like to interact with other ocs……..

Pleek ignore the fact that this is anne’s model i happen to be very bad at drawing😔

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 23 thoughts

the previous episode was SO good. but, it is true, i was distracted by the dog. it was SUCH!! a perfect episode. EXCEPT for that one thing. so i hope that today, i can face this episode with a clear head, free of judgement based on the fate of little dogs.

well, boy, i did face this episode with a clear mind, and wow. wowza. another AMAZING ep... and i will keep the angst from this episode in my heart forever and bottle it and take a nice long swig when i need my msr feels, which is basically always. wow. an exclamation point doesn't even feel APPROPRIATE, it just needs to hang in the air for a bit. (wiping tears away) wow....

let us go back to yesterday's notes, which shall commence below:

reading the episode description... so this one features murders linked to a device that alters television signals… huh. man, too many people i know don’t even have cable anymore. this simply would not work in the modern era. imagine if hulu or tubi or something made you kill people though lmao that would be silly to imagine.

we open with a guy digging a hole in the woods. always a promising start. seems he’s in an orchard of some sort? and the music is very very creepy. 

okay, so just as you suspect, this dude is burying a dead guy. sometimes your gut instinct is correct and tropes are not meant to be subverted. but the dude who is burying him says “your killing days are OVER” so is this actually a justice arc??? hmm. it is not clear. man, it would be hard to dig a hole like that.

shovel murder man is at home washing the blood off. but then someone else approaches him and he kills THAT GUY TOO WITH THE SHOVEL?? huh? what is going on. 

police at da guy’s house. everyone has the same face as the dude he just killed??? so they tase him. and then the faces go back to their REAL faces. now what is going on here!!!!!!!!!!

as the real faces return, the man realizes he killed someone named sarah!!! and he seems sooo upset by the fact that he killed sarah!!!! poor sarah :(

so does the tv make you see other people’s faces on the bodies of random people….? omg that’s insidious...

we now shift to a different scene, one where mulder is sitting in his car at 2 am. doing what???? waiting for some guy!!! he was waiting TWO HOURS for this guy!!! who is this guy...? it's giving blind date/drug deal.

the man who enters his car gives him a newspaper clipping about the murders we just saw. and mulder came here after getting AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL in the middle of the night??? this is crazy because literally so many people want him dead and this would have been a very easy way to accomplish that goal. wow. seriously, no self-preservation instincts on this guy.

mystery man says he has no obligation to explain what is going on, but if mulder walks away from it, more people will die. so no pressure!! xx

cutscene to a hospital, where mulder is watching our murderer through glass, while scully comes in saying that she is sorry she is late, but “the beltway was a parking lot”. beltway refers to interstate 495! thank you wikipedia i love your services!

murderer is named joseph. and he claims to have been killing the same guy over and over again, and that he wouldn’t die. which seems pretty awful.

OH! and the week before, in the same town, a babysitter attacked the kids she was watching because she thought they were WOLVES??? omg that is horrific??

they’re talking to the physician, dr. stroman, who says perhaps this was provoked by amphetamine abuse. then joseph starts SCREAMING. he sees a guy on the TV- miriskovic- sorry y’all idk my post-soviet history 💔 (update: i googled it, i don't even think that guy was real because all the results are links to wikis on this specific episode... reveals how little i truly know)

anyway, seeing that guy's face on the TV seems to have triggered the screaming situation. does he have trauma from the country he used to live in and seeing references to it makes these things happen…? that would be a wild episode. put me in the writer's room and let me cook.

scully quickly picks up on the fact that this case is Weird, and mulder admits it came from some random guy, which makes her suspicious. but they go to the crime scene, and, like always, he lifts the crime scene tape up over her head, and it’s very charming despite the lack of sensibility in going down this whole rabbit hole.

the minute they get in, they hear screaming and a gunshot! but it’s just some kids watching TV??? eating popcorn in a crime scene??? LMAO WHAT?

mulder kicks them out and scruffs one of the boy’s heads... ohhhh he needs to be a father so bad huh... like i have been saying this since s1 he just has a Need to tease and spoil children. well, we can unpack that another time. there's crime afoot.

so he watches the tv and it starts to go all static-y because a guy outside is fixing the wires. scully finds a TON of tapes and they’re just shelves and shelves of cable TV shows!!!

“there must be hundreds of videos here”, she says, to which he asks “anything good?” <- idk why this made me giggle. it sounded like he was gonna put one in and chill for a bit lmao

scully starts to wonder if seeing the cable news, like joseph had recorded, was what triggered his episode back at the hospital. ooooh! a theory!!! 

cut to mulder watching a tape in the bed of his motel, making an absolute pile of sunflower seeds- this dude is gonna attract mice or something someday omfg- and also he has a cola which is peak american culture. LMAOOOO he has a HUGE pile of tapes on the floor i’m crying... my type A self could NOT deal with him!

he says he watched 36 hours of bernard shaw and bobbi batista and is now also ready to kill someone as scully welcomes him into her room, which also has cola but is much more nicely organized! she found something weird on the tapes from late april, each a night when he committed a murder 

AND WHY DID MULDER GET ALL COZIED UP ON HER COUCH?????? hooooooly fuck i have never seen such a baby girl of a man

OMFG??? all the reports from the murder nights feature that miriskovic guy!!!

so did seeing violence make him violent? mulder says no, and that theory assumes that “americans are just empty vessels, ready to be filled with any idea or image that’s fed to them like a bunch of pavlov dogs, and go out and act on it” oh if only this man could see the news lately……… insert ben affleck smoking a cigarette image here to describe the things we see in our current age. mulder you would not believe.

he’s really bashing her theory, but she’s saying maybe he was high and seeing these things sent him on a spiral- makes sense to me

he is leaving to go get some sleep (after admitting he can’t explain what is going on!!! which always endears me) but scully says she is going to watch the rest of the tapes… a herculean task for our girl

middle of the night and it’s still tape time for scully, but she hears the phone ringing. she hears mulder having a conversation. and he says “no, she doesn’t” which is weird… that is suspicious… what doesn't she...

scully chews her ice which is so funny because me too sometimes. she has chewed all of her ice and must fetch more. and get a cola ofc!!! nothing more american than a cold soda iktr!

but she sees mulder in his car??? lighting up with cig man???? HUH??? and handing over a tape? omfg this is crazy. i assume she is hallucinating though, because no way….

cutscene to a lady named helene watching “the price is nice” (lmaooo) and washing some dishes. but the soap in the dishes starts to look funny- and everything is glitching around her!!! she sees a man outside in a hammock… kissing a woman!!! and oh, she is furious!! she gets her SHOTGUN?? this has escalated very fast. and we hear some shooting!!!

scully is still very visibly disturbed. mulder is reporting the murder, but she seems like a shell of herself. she checks the ash tray in the car, and there is no ash… she notices the car has been moved and he says he got a paper…. why do you ask…. “nothing. it’s nothing” OHHH THIS IS JUICY

so the crime scene has a very bloody hammock. and a dead man, who the wife claims he saw in the hammock with a blonde. but the only other creature at the scene was a dog!!!

OH!!! the hammock man wasn’t even helene's HUSBAND??? this really is LAYERED!! she killed the NEIGHBOR thinking it was her husband, who wasn’t even in town!!!!!! how do you mess this up so badly?

despite the fact that scully is clearly suspicious of mulder, she is sharing the umbrella with him in their usual fashion, and the sense of tension this produces is delicious 

they go to investigate the crime scene and mulder finds some sort of bike and immediately climbs upon it while proclaiming that television does NOT cause violence (LMAOOO HE IS SO WEIRD i need him.) 

they find a bunch more tapes and AGAIN the same guy is messing with the cables outside while they're investigating!!!! mulder is in chase mode!!!! but he cannot chase this dude in the van!!! no man, even a track star such as him, can outrun a van carrying secrets!

scully is trying to fast forward the TV and she looks out to see mulder climbing the pole…. average day for a man like him. he finds a weird cable scrambler in there. she wants to send it to the crime lab, but he says he’ll do the analysis, and she should go interview helene the murderer. OH... she is so suspicious, she just wants to go home…. scully :((( mulder is deeply confused as to why she is being so weird 

so he takes the thingy to the lone gunmen, who say it looks like it’s used for blocking premium cable channels, which i didn’t even know was a thing, you learn so much with this show. but it doesn’t block anything!!! HOWEVER, if you compare a tv with the machine and one without it, the one with the machine is slightly different. hmm...

“you know how television works?” “yeah, you click it on, you have a picture” <- the man who said that line went to oxford btw

it seems that this cable blocker thingy is adding some sort of frequency, but they can’t tell what… hmm.

mulder on the road. scully calls and only asks “where are you” in this very flat and creepy tone and OH i’m scared!!!!

he tries to explain that there is some sort of signal being introduced to the tv- he even says she might be right about the tv inducing violence theory! but she isn’t answering… she hears a clicking, like they're being listened to, and she says he never went to the detective…. let’s wait and talk on a landline, he says.

despite being in his car many miles away, he can tell that there is something very wrong with scully. he says don’t go anywhere, he’ll be right there, and redials after she hangs up. it's very much echoing when she said something similar to him in his crazed gargoyle quest.

but she is so scared, she rips the phone out of the wall and takes it apart!!!! and then the lamp too, and the table. she is checking everything for any sort of bugs!

holy hell, we have never seen her like this before... but i’m actually gagged because she is usually relatively stoic and seeing her paranoid is so different, but it also feels very natural??? she is acting her ass off here as she rips up everything in this motel room. big shoutout to GA, i love your work.

and the static that set in helene's vision earlier is setting in hers now!!! she hears a car pull up and drops to the floor…. she hears a man say “she’s in here” and a pounding on the door. 

OMFG someone tries to open the door and she FIRES 4 SHOTS RIGHT AWAY??? but it’s mulder!!!!

(author's note: i was thinking after i finished the episode, and we know that she is a good shot- remember how she hit just the right angle to knock mulder out but not kill him at the end of s2? so she is either SO out of it that she cannot even aim straight, or there is a tiny tiny tiny part of her that still thinks that mulder isn't worth killing. please mull over which option brings you greater angst)

he’s coming in with his gun and his hair is blowing in the wind and he can’t FIND HER!!!!! it was really very dramatic. hair blowing in the wind has this effect.

cutscene to scully’s mom’s house, and we see a picture of young scully on the table... AWW stop she’s so cuuuute and one of missy as well 😭😭😭

OH! it’s mulder on the phone calling mrs. scully in the middle of the night!!! NOOOO he has to tell her that he doesn’t know where she is :( NOOOO poor mrs. scully has gone through too much. he feels SO bad breaking this news, that he even apologizes for hanging up right away, something he never ever does. he must be in deeeep distress to do such a thing.

and why does he hang up?? because SKINNER IS HERE!!! he’s leading a manhunt for scully, and mulder is saying she shouldn’t be hunted like a convict… but skinner says dude SHE FIRED FOUR ROUNDS AT YOU AND SOME RANDOM GUY last night!!!!

despite this, mulder insists that he can get her to listen to him if they just keep her safe; she’s suffering from some sort of paranoid psychosis. skinner is being quite patient as he tries to explain that the video tapes made her do it. skinner says well... you better find her before these guys do.

GASP!!! he’s putting up the x on his window! and doing that thing where he bounces his basketball because he cannot relax!!! stop i'm emotional!!!!!

the lone gunmen call to say they found something on the tape…. and it induces electrical activity…. MIND CONTROL???

but why wasn’t he effected?

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE’S RED-GREEN COLORBLIND???? THIS IS AN INSANE LORE DROP TO GIVE NEARLY 4 SEASONS IN??????

wait, is this just for plot purposes, or is DD actually colorblind and they decided to roll with it? because now i’m gonna be looking at all the red-ish things we see on screen (like his tie he is grabbing to emphasize his point) and wonder, can he see that? how does this impact his tie selection process....

okay that really threw me off guard. man, i was getting to think we'd never get another lore reveal, which is a shame because i quite like formatting those facts in that way. good to know we could get more at anytime!

he gets a phone call from maryland state police. the lone gunmen ask if she’s okay and he says no, he has to go and ID the body. WHAT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! he is trying to keep composed. holy fuck………..

(heavy breathing as i grab your shoulder and squeeze) hey man. hey. he was trying so hard to be strong.

so he pulls up to the morgue and stops before he gets out of the car, and holds his head above the wheel STOP I’LL CRY???? i’ll cry… what are they putting him through??? losing her again……..

(i mean i have SEEN gifs of scully in seasons past this one, so i know she's gonna pull through, but HE doesn't know that, and must be reliving the worst days of his life AGAIN, and aughhhhh!)

but the mystery guy from the start of the episode that give him the info on the muders pulls up and says get in right now!!!!!! mulder is furious, he says he’s busy. in a shocking display of insensitivity, mystery man says he does not give a fuck. mulder is yelling that this is all his fault. mystery man says “they” are destroying the evidence, and they’ll finish it by tomorrow if he keeps searching for her, but he kicks the door shut and ignores him.

(omg…. he loves her enough to break him out of his bloodhound mode… the dogged ahab-like quest for answers and revenge… i’m getting flashbacks to his conversation with missy in one breath…….. realizing he needs to put the ones he loves before his need for revenge sometimes..... wow)

so he walks into the morgue, and the dude in there says they found a body nude and shot in the forehead.

he closes his eyes to try and brace himself before taking a peek, to prepare to see her lifeless, probably reliving those many hours by her bedside when she was in the hospital, trying to imagine her shot in the forehead, the scully he knows and loves with her dry humor and her teasing smile and caffeine dependency, the her that is so full of life, lifeless…

but it isn’t her. PHEW!

despite this being good news that he has to share- she's not dead! her mother isn’t answering her phone…. so he goes to her house. and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, did she do something rash in her grief?

but mrs. scully answers the door and claims dana isn’t here. he bursts in and says he needs to see her right now. omg, he saw right through her lies.

(also, it always feels weird to refer to her as dana, but moving on)

NO!!!! she has him at gunpoint and says he’s here to kill him!!! poor guy looks so flabbergasted… and her mom is trying to get her to please put down the gun, and he’s trying to explain what is going on!!! he is so singularly locked into her…. 

“he’s lied to me from the beginning. he’s never trusted me” “scully, you are the only one i trust” AUGHHHHH (rips my clothes off of my body in biblical levels of grief) 

“you’re one of the people who abducted me” AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (rips off not only my clothing but also my hair as i experience emotions that rival what job from the bible went through)

she’s CRYING, and saying he killed her sister while her mom gets between him and the gun… and she’s saying she knows she’s safe here, that’s why she came here, and to put the gun down. and she falls into her mother’s arms sobbing. 

WHAAAAAAAAT. and he had to watch all that… oh my scully oh my goodness my poor scully…

timeskip a little bit. he shows up to the hospital where scully is with her mother, and mockingly puts his hands up in surrender, because he is so STUPID and he always has to make a joke, and i love him so terribly, so so so terribly, because he loves HER.

she's laying in the bed, and he shuts off the tv and asks how she’s feeling. she says she is ASHAMED- as if being a victim of mind control was a personal failing. scully, i want to yell, you have NO REASON to be ashamed, let me take all the shame from you and carry it elsewhere. she says it was like the world was turned upside down.

and he makes ANOTHER stupid joke about the world being out to get him, and now she knows how he feels-

before leaning in and explaining how joseph, the first murderer on this case, became convinced he was killing the bosnian war criminal who people called “the modern hitler”, which was especially important to him because both of his parents survived the holocaust. hence his line about the killing days being over!!!

and helene was scared her husband would cheat on her. so somehow the TV signal turned their worst fears into a living nightmare. 

OHHHH HER WORST NIGHTMARE IS HIM BETRAYING HER. HIM BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER GOING MISSING AND LOSING HER AUTONOMY AND MEMORIES... wails into my shirt. 

(this reminds me of that episode in s2- irresistible- when we learn her biggest fear is that humans are capable of terrible horrific things and grasping to trust despite that knowledge. we’re seeing that again right here. how uncertainty seeps in)

THEY CALL HIM THE CANCER MAN!!! wow very official canon recognition of the name (yeah it’s happened before but it happened again so that is cool) anyway she says she saw him giving cancer man the tapes and reporting.

he says that maybe cancer man was behind this, but then he whispers “why don’t you try and get some rest?” and there is something in me that melts so entirely as he leaves her to sleep.

(perhaps it is the fact that hurt/comfort and whump are my favorite tropes. because is there anything more intimate than letting someone see you at your most vulnerable, and them choosing to love you at it? is there any feeling more cutting than seeing your loved one suffer and knowing you’d stop the world for an instant of their relief? the terrible desperation of both parties, the wordless connection upon recovery, someone being the last thing you see before everything fades to black and then the first person you see when you return... yeah. it’s cathartic. but also it makes me want to yell and cry. pls give me all the hurt/comfort content)

so the doctor found high serotonin levels in her that maybe can be associated with mania, but now they’re back to normal. he asks if someone in her situation would be diagnosed with amphetamine abuse, and she says no. then he quickly calls the hospital where joseph is staying… what is he cooking in there…

he wants to talk to joseph's doctor, dr. stroman, who left behind only a number from the motel…. and he had JUST checked out…. so he’s going through his stuff. and asking about his calls. and he DOES find a cigarette in his room but a lot of people smoke so… try not to jump to conclusions juni… but the cigarettes mean one thing in this show!!! was this innocent-looking doctor behind such a cruel experiment?!

he calls and has the last number the doctor called get checked from the folks at the lab… so he goes to visit the place of residence and creepy music is playing. the dude from the cable company we saw before rolls up!!! he walks right inside the house, so mulder peeks inside. it seems the people in the house set up a trap of some sort, as they are talking about “him” showing up at 7.

he bursts in after hearing gunshots and both of the men in there are dead!!! shot in the head!!!!

who is there... but X???? X says he HAD to kill those men- he just hoped mulder would get them first. and oh, mulder is YELLING AT X!!! he is letting him HAVE IT!!! he says he is a coward, he was too scared to unveil the situation with the mind control TV murders himself….. he says X NEVER risks his own life, but he sure does make him risk mulder and scully’s.

OH! he is holding X at gunpoint. all X is saying is that he failed, and that mulder needs him. so he walks out, confident he won't pull the trigger. and he doesn't. 

WHAT! i need to kind of just let that sit for a second. i need to figure out this X fellow, but i get the sense i never will…. he failed… because he chose to try and save scully…….

cutscene to skinner’s office, where mulder is giving him a report. and scully walks in and says that dr. stroman DIED IN 1978!!! when skinner asks about the killer, mulder jumps in and says he remains unknown… oh, skinner is def gonna pick up on that….

so now we see X in a random back alley. getting into a car…. WITH CANCER MAN?????? X REPORTS TO CANCER MAN??? he asks if he has completed his work, and X reports that he has cleaned out all the personnel, everything is removed, but mulder still has a device. and mulder’s source has been eliminated. but the source’s source remains unknown. oh, he’s def lying through his teeth.

OOOOOOH this episode was SO good.

oh man, my brain is racing in a bunch of different directions. scully breaking down and sobbing into her mother’s arms…. scully convinced that mulder is a traitor, that he did those terrible things to her…. mulder so scared that she was gone, bouncing his basketball, getting a call from the police department that he had to go identify her… choosing her, even in what he thought was death, over following the Truth… the sick and twisted relationship he has with X, and X with Cancer Man, and Cancer Man with the world… it’s making me think of how mulder broke into his house that one time, was going to kill him over what he did to scully, and cancer man had the nerve to say he liked mulder… OOOH my brain is just racing racing racing. 

poor scully… how scared she was, how horrified afterward… 

other things that are on my mind, in no particular order: the bond between scully and her mother; mulder being all babygirl on that couch; mulder hopping on that bicycle and picking up some random doll from the murder victim's house; how haunting scully's voice was when she asked him over the phone where he was; their cola drinking; mrs. scully trusting mulder no matter what; how he tried to cover the grief in his voice when he told the lone gunmen he had to go identify her body; how he kicked the door shut of the mystery man, damning the investigation to pay his respects; how his head hovered above the wheel of the car before he got out to do that; how X uses and uses him to no clear end, and what is HE doing reporting to cig man, and what was that random doctor doing conducted fucked up experiments on random people; and scully's miraculously bad aim; mulder's conviction he could talk sense into her (spoiler: he could not); her shame at being convinced he had been the one who abducted her; how terrifying that must have been; and his stupid jokes when he walked into her hospital room, with the sincerity he tries so hard to outrun and outfox breaking through in his whispered why don't you get some rest?

so needless to say, i see why this one is a fan-favorite. this is certainly one i will be revisiting in the future when i need something strong. i have a million things to think over that will stick with me Forever, and i am in no rush to move on from this. in fact, i took these notes yesterday, but in the process of editing them tonight, i have decided i am not ready for the season finale and will have to save it for tomorrow because i'm still feeling So Many Things. so stay tuned to see how that goes, because whew!

[aftersamu]

HUSH HUSH PAIRING: suna x gn!reader TAGS: fooling around in secret / almost getting caught

this is a lot different to what i have written before, but this idea came up in my head and i wanted to write it out and see where it goes. and i hope u all enjoy this more matured, exploration, era of my writing &lt;3

suna isn't really friend. he's more of a friend of a friend, a person who shares a similar friend group, a counter part sort of extension from your friend group.

meaning, you see each other at parties, general hangouts, and are on the same group chat. other than that, there hasn't been much interaction between the two of you.

until a month ago.

maybe it was the alcohol, the ambiance of the party, or they way your eyes met from across the room. he was there, behind the makeshift bar at kuroo's house party alone. and you had run out of people to talk to, so you approached him.

the conversation was light, shared a round of shots, and nobody had their eyes on either of you. the talking, light touches on his arm, it all resulted in the two of you walking off together into the bathroom.

it was meant to be a one time thing.

something that was fuelled by the lack of inhibition, and the effects of vodka and tequila running through your bloodstream.

then again, once was clearly not enough.

as now, your roommate, your best friend is out of the house and suna's over like he has been for almost every week since the party. every time you're home alone, he comes over.

you could say it's a poor lack of judgement, or a questionable moment in your life, but god has the past month been fun. the sneaking around behind your friends' backs, the stolen glances, the text messages, the entire package.

you've never felt so alive before. this whole idea of secrecy, something kept between the two of you, as cheesy as it sounds, it's fucking incredible.

pressed against the bedroom wall, legs wrapped around his waist and hands running through brunette hair. there is an urgency. One that is desperate, hungry, lustful, and passionate, as your fingers lace themselves through his hair. his hands at the underside of your thighs holding you up.

"how long will your roommate be gone for?" he murmurs,

"a while, we have time." you pull his mouth to yours, paying little attention to the possibility of anyone returning anytime soon.

your hands trail down his torso, reaching for the hem of his shirt. your touch on his skin sends shivers down his spine, nevertheless, he obliges.

legs dropping to the floor as he pulls the black tee over his head, tossing it across the room before kissing you stronger, desperate, like he's fighting to memorise the feel of your lips together.

god, he's making you crazy, a pile of want, and addiction that sends a person spiralling out of control. his fingers wrap themselves around your necklace, pulling lightly at the thin rusting chain, as a hand is placed on the wall beside you.

your fingers wrapped around the belt loop of his jeans.

it's a routine at this point. the rush, the insatiable feeling of having him so close, the buildup that you chase every time he comes over.

then... a door slams, the jingle of keys work in harmony to the frustrated mumbling echoing off the halls. foot steps approach the bedroom door, a voice calls out your name in a frustrated groan.

alarms ring in your mind as you push the boy off, pinning him against the wall, with a hand over his mouth as you fix your tank top before running a hand through your hair to hide the mess.

you pull open the door, leaning against the frame, a hand still placed on suna's mouth. "what's going on?" you ask, pretending that there isn't a secret hookup right next you, "i thought you had a hair appointment."

trying your best to sound calm, nonchalant, yet sympathetic and caring all at the same time.

"i know, but i called the salon to confirm, and guess what!" they rant, standing out in the hall, one inch away from stepping forward and seeing the hidden body behind the wall.

"what?"

"they told me they couldn't secure my place because i didn't make a deposit!" they exclaim, "first of all, they never told me to make a deposit, nor sent me the bank details."

"that's so fucked!" you say, "how much was the deposit?"

"fifty! fifty fucking dollars, for a stupid deposit to make sure i show up!" they yell, "these hair salons are getting greedy nowadays. and now i'm in a terrible mood!"

"hey, look, i've got a friend that works at a salon downtown." you say, "i'll give 'em a call and see if i can get you an appointment today, will that make you feel better?"

"will you do that?" they sigh of relief, "because if you can that would be amazing! i've got an important work dinner tonight and i want to look good."

"oh, yeah totally, let me go call them right now." you assure, quickly closing the door and leaning against the wood.

suna moves your hand from his lips, "so, are our plans cancelled or what?" he jokes.

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

TGIF! What a week it's been. This may be a TMI post but we're all friends here right? 😅

I went in for the colposcopy (reminder, this is for the cervix, not a colonoscopy) on Wednesday. My PCP said this was precautionary but I was still pretty nervous for the procedure. Imagine my shock when the OBGYN was talking to me before and said the cells they found were more on the side of concerning and this was an "absolutely need to do further testing" scenario. Not just "let's be extra cautious". I completely broke down in that poor woman's exam room. After coming off the breast scare, her throwing around the word cancer again was too much for me. I cried for a good 10 mins while she talked me through everything. I explained what had been going on recently and apologized for being such a mess. She totally understood and was great considering this was the first time we met lol. Anyways, she said that she definitely wanted to do biopsies which I was hoping wouldn't be needed but I trusted her judgement and let her proceed with the procedure. She took 3 total, and it was definitely not a pleasant experience. The last one sucked the worst. I took ibuprofen before the appointment just in case and I'm glad I did. Luckily it was over pretty quick but I had quite a bit of bleeding (duh - she basically hole punched my cervix 3 times) so she had to use extra of the solution that is supposed to stop the bleeding and lemme tell you. It's gross. It looks like coffee grounds coming out and I'm still dealing with it 2 days later. I was pretty sore the night of but haven't had much pain after that. It's more just annoying. It's also annoying because she said the results take about a week. If they come back a level 1 or lower we will just continue to monitor with yearly paps, but if they are higher than that she is going to recommend a LEEP. You can Google that if you want to know what I'm in for 🙃 all the research I did before said most places do it in the office but she said they are not equipped for that and it would be done in an outpatient surgery room and I would be put under general anesthesia. I am hoping soooo hard that my results come back good but a week is a long time to wait!!! I am so over this year.

On top of that, I found out I'm going to be traveling to CA multiple times this summer for work. I knew one trip was very likely but was not prepared for probably having to go once a month. It's going to be a great career opportunity so I'm not going to pass it up but I am not stoked about being away from my guys so much. I'm not in a great place with my MIL either right now and she's the best equipped to help us out while I'm gone because she's retired. So we will see how that plays out...

It's a lot going on right now. I just really need some good news back from the doctor and then I feel like I can fully focus on getting our summer planned and setting us up for success since things are going to get pretty crazy I'm sure.

[aspoonofsugar]

What do you think about You Don't Know and other Hazbin Hotel songs?

Hi!

I love the songs in Hazbin Hotel and You Didn't Know is an absolute banger!

It is also one of my favourite songs when it comes to symbolism and themes. So here it comes a short analysis.

You Didn't Know explores the themes of ignorance, knowledge and questioning, as it is introduced by this exchange:

Charlie: Wait… none of you know what gets someone into Heaven? Sera: This questioning stops now. We know when a soul arrives, we know when they pass divine judgment, it is our job to ensure these souls are safe.

The angels have no idea why a soul is considered worthy of Heaven, which angers Charlie. Still, Sera insists it is not their place to know and that they simply must accept divine judgement. However, this idea is questioned by both Emily and Charlie:

Emily: But she was right, Sera She showed us a soul can improve He saw the light, Sera Checked all the boxes that you said would Prove a person deserves a second chance Now we turn our backs, no second glance?

Charlie: It's not fair, Sera Vaggie: Careful, Charlie, keep a cool head Charlie: No! Don't you care, Sera? That just because someone is dead It doesn't mean they can't resolve to change their ways Turn the page Escape infernal blaze

The two princesses point out how unfair the current system is and put some pressure on the angels. However, they too are still naive, which is why they get called out themselves.

By Sera:

Sera: It's not as simple as you think Not everything is spelled in ink

Sera: I 'm sure you wish it could be so But there's a lot that you don't know

And by Adam:

Adam: Gotta say, I can't wait to Come down and exterminate you! Emily:What are you saying? Let me get this straight You go down there and kill those poor souls? Charlie: You didn't know?

Adam: Don't you act all high and mighty Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar? Vaggie: Don't, Adam, please! Adam: What's the fuss? Why hide the fact that you're an angel Just like us?

Emily and Charlie are ignorant when it comes to their loved ones. Specifically, they ignore the role of both Sera and Vaggie in the exterminations. They don't know Sera and Vaggie's shadows:

Still, this song has the characters' secrets come out, so that they can be dealt with. In future episodes we see Hell and Charlie do so, whereas Heaven and Sera refuse to. This is why season 1 ends with Hell's victory.

Still, why does Sera refuse to accept the truth? What is it that scares her so much?

Sera: They were uprising, Emily. It is my position as the head Seraphim to protect our people at all costs.

Sera fears the order might break, which could result in her loved ones suffering. In this sense, she is similar to Carmilla:

But if anyone knew, then all of Hell would rise to war And who's to say who'd survive the fray? I might lose the ones that I was killing for

That said, even if it is only temporary, Heaven's order is indeed lost throughout the song. This is shown by two visual motifs:

The metaphorical use of heights

The use of colors, especially blue and red

WHO HAS THE MORAL HIGH GROUND?

The seating in the courtroom is organized, so that it mirrors the characters' perceived morality:

Sera and Emily, as Seraphims and judges are at the very top

The other high ranking angels are the jury, so they are just below the two seraphims

Adam, Lute, Charlie and Vaggie are the two parts debating, so they are below the judges and the jury. Still, they are not on the same level. Adam and Lute are above Charlie and Vaggie.

This arrangement shows that Sera has no intention to be a fair judge, as she has already decided the Exorcist Adam has the moral high ground on the Princess of Hell. He is an angel and she is a demon. He is the first virtuous soul and she is Lucifer's daughter. He embodies the status quo, while she is trying to change it. So, Sera has already decided to favor Adam over Charlie. In other words, the moral high ground highlights not morality, but the influence Heaven has over Hell. It is nothing more, but the embodyment of their power dynamic.

Despite this, as the song starts things change in multiple ways:

1- Emily steps down

Emily empathizes with Charlie and gets down off the pedestal Sera has built for her. She is still above Charlie and Adam, but she invites the other angels to show mercy, to be just. This is because Emily strongly believes Heaven is a place where virtue and morality reign.

2- Adam and Lute look down on Charlie

Adam and Lute make their case and claim Hell is forever:

Adam and Lute: Did you forget that "Hell is forever"?

As they sing this part, they stand on the magical orb and look down on Charlie. They have the upper hand and judge her and the other demons as creatures inferior to angels. At this point, though, Adam flies down to threathen Charlie:

By doing so, he reveals the existence of the exterminations and shows that he himself is no different from a demon. So, Adam and Charlie are on equal footing.

3 - Emily reaches Charlie

The reveal of the Exterminations shocks Emily, who reaches the floor to better look at the destruction Heaven is causing. Her idealistic vision of Heaven gets shattered, so she is forced to re-evaluate the system and the current order. She stops positioning herself as higher than Charlie and goes down to better see things from her perspective.

4 - Sera flies down

Sera panics and hurries to Emily to convince her that what she has done is for the greater good. She is forced to step down and to confront the younger Seraphim on the floor:

Sera: You have to listen It was such a hard decision I wanted to save you, the anguish it takes to Do what was required

Still, Emily refuses Sera's explanation and calls her out:

Emily: To think that I admired you Well, I don't need your condescension I'm not a child to protect Was talk of virtue just pretension? Was I too naïve to expect you To heed the morals you're purveying?

As she does, she flies higher than Sera because she is showing more morality than her mentor:

5- Charlie and Emily gain the moral high ground

As Charlie and Emily sing together in anger and frustration, they jump on the magical orb. Their pose mirrors Adam and Lute's one, but their point is the thematical opposite:

Charlie and Emily: If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie!

Adam and Lute claim "hell is forever", whereas Charlie and Emily answer that "if hell is forever, then heaven must be a lie". Not only that, but they say it looking down on Sera, who is supposedly the higher ranking angel and the judge.

Charlie starts the questioning at the very bottom, but in the climax she gains the upper hand. Sera should be at the very top, but in the end she is reduced to look up to the two girls from the floor.

The questioning starts as a farce and a demonstration of political power. However, Charlie's determination and Emily's sense of justice make it the real deal. Hypocrisy disappears and the truth becomes visible to everybody. Even if just for a moment.

6- Sera takes back control

Sera uses Adam's reveal about Vaggie to re-assert order over the courtroom. She and Emily fly back to their seats and Sera is free to be the judge again. Her final decision is the one she was determined to make in the beginning:

Sera: I'm sorry… but this court finds that there is no evidence souls in Hell can be redeemed.

Sera refuses Charlie and Emily's pleas and goes back to the pre-established order.

RED DEVIL AND BLUE ANGEL

Charlie and Emily unmasking the truth about Heaven and Hell is highlighted also by the way red and blue are used throughout the song. In general, Hell and Heaven are color-coded. Hell is red and Heaven is blue. For example, Charlie and Vaggie wear red, whereas St Peter, Sera and Emily wear blue:

Not only that, but Sera and Emily's wings have blue details and shades. Lucifer is a Seraphim too, but his wings are red inside, as he is the titular devil:

That said, You Didn't Know breaks this color scheme to show how angels like Adam, Lute and Sera are behaving like devils. This clip of Sera makes it clear:

Hell's flames are mirrored in her eyes and make her look scary, when she is trying to be reassuring. A stark contrast with the blue and gold idealized imagery Emily has of her:

By the moment Charlie and Emily state their powerful come-back the colors are basically mixed. Just like the Princess of Hell (red) and the Youngest Seraphim (blue) stand together and share the same moral vision:

Charlie and Emily: If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again

Hell and Heaven are not red (black) and white (blue), but have shades (of gray). Just as Charlie and Emily sing this, the world around them changes to prove them right.

The two girls break the system and show clearly that:

Charlie is the one pursuing morality, as she is trying to protect people

Good and Evil are not so easily defined, as the angels behave like demons and demons show positive traits and virtues

Unluckily, this isn't enough to change things, as Heaven is stuck in their own rules:

Lucifer: Hohooo boy, Heaven, is not exactly as carefree as you might think. Yeah, they have rules, lots of rules, and they aren't very open minded as you'd hope.

A QUESTION TO BE POSED

The debate between Charlie and Adam is about the possibility or not to redeem souls in Hell. Deep down, though, it is really about something much more basic. Is it alright to question things? Every character has their own viewpoint on the matter:

Charlie: Well, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?

Adam: Uhhh… well, uh… then why isn't he here then? Hm? Emily: Yeah, why isn't he here?

Lute and Adam: There's no question to be posed He's unholy, case closed

Charlie and Emily are genuinelly asking questions. They wanna know why some spirits end up in Heaven and why others do not. Adam and Lute, instead refuse to investigate things. Adam's question isn't real and it is just rhetoric used to prove a point. Lute directly states there is nothing to question. Charlie and Emily embody the theme, whereas Adam and Lute represent the anti-theme.

What about Sera? She is the negation of the negation, which is a thematic stance worse than the anti-theme. Charlie and Emily are ignorant, but want to know. Adam and Lute are in the dark, but they don't care to know.

Sera's sin isn't ignorance, though. It is knowledge:

Emily: Sera, tell me that you didn't know Sera: I thought, since I'm older It's my load to shoulder Emily: No!

She knows about the exterminations and she knows the system isn't fair. Still, she refuses to question it. Not only that, but she prohibits others to ask questions:

Sera: Please…. if you start to question… you could end up like Lucifer. FALLEN.

She is the judge of a questioning, but doesn't allow questions. This shows how hypocritical the whole situation is. How can there be a questioning, when one can't ask questions? And if asking questions is prohibited, then the final answer will never change:

Lucifer: Heaven never listens! They didn't listen to me, they won't listen to you!

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

Referring to your tags, I haven’t seen you talk much about universalism (aside from reblogging apilgrimpassingby). What don’t you like about it?

Heyyyyyyy.

So, I find Universalism to be basically Candy Coated Calvinism, which i find personally distasteful. In fact me and a fried have often noted that Calvinism (in it's perspective on predestination specifically) is only really a few steps away from Universalism. The lack of free well present in the view is something that I particularly dislike. The human dignity of free will is really important to me. I understand most universalists are purgatorial universalists but even still I don't think that works either. Scripture makes it pretty clear that there will be some separation and as this is the "Last Judgement" I think it makes the most sense that whatever happens will be final. There is also the problem of the anti-evangelism perspective that is rampant in universalism (though this is not innate to universalism, and I think results in a poor understanding of what salvation is but i digress).

I side with C.S. Lewis who saw "hell" as God's "greatest monument to human dignity", allowing those who did not wish to choose Him, to be allowed to choose exile into Outer Darkness instead. I go into more depth about that here.

There is one universalists perspective that I really, really like and think that every Christian should read whether they agree with it or not. It's an article here. It's called "Is Hell Real?" and is absolutely amazing.

I feel like this was poorly written lol. Sorry about that. If you have any questions, please do ask

@colorful-cryptid I was thinking about this last night and realize i made a grave mistake: I said i do not like universalism. I desperately need to clarify that this is not true. I actually LOVE universalism and I want it to be true so desperately. The only reason I am not a universalist is because i believe it's unbiblical. "There is no doctrine which I would more willingly remove from Christianity than this, if it lay in my power. But it has the full support of Scripture and, specially, of Our Lord's own words; it has always been held by Christendom; and it has the support of reason. If a game is played, it must be possible to lose it." - C.S. Lewis (i quote Lewis a lot when i talk about hell lol). I hate hell; Jesus hate's hell. According to (pseudo-?)Paul, God desires that all humanity be saved. But my current conviction is that his desire for the salvation of all humanity, is "thwarted" (poor choice of word) by goodness which mandates that humans freely choose life or death. The article "Is Hell Real?" though does address the free will concern in a way that i find interesting so *shrugs*.

My main point is i was mistaken in saying I "dislike" universalism and should've just said I "disagree with" universalism. My bad