#resonated with you so much that you made art about it. thats literally what its all about dude. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[solselah]

Off rip I see you carry the energy of duality super heavy , You could be Bi sexual specifically or in general apart of The LGBTQIA+ community! people are shocked about what you’re attracted to if you choose to express that , it’s always a shock factor towards it.

(which you never understand) I can see people are generally shocked when they come across your energy being that you truly just give

“you were made for me” vibes

&

“Match made in heaven energy”

it's shocking to come across an energy like yours! (Mini 18+ warning ) For my Ladies, people love love your boobs its something about your chest area!! There can also be a tattoo that you have in the middle of your chest that's a staple and ultimately shocking once revealed. you can be real freaky pile 1 & those you were intimate with are still shocked to this day about how freaky you are. You just don’t give that energy from the outside looking in. For a handful of you your ex is super shocked that you literally fell of the face of the planet , it’s like they had so much access when you were together but currently they are incredibly “shocked” that you are a bit difficult to contact , They definitely feel surprised / confused that you aren’t friends anymore. They at least thought you both would be cordial! You chose to fully separate which on your part was best & healthy for YOU.

You either seen them recently or will & they are/ Were SHOCKED to see you ! Like you look GOOOOD pile 1 you really ARE that BITCH , THAT GIRL , THAT MAN !!!

I purely channeled for this pile so you definitely have an

“Off the record”

vibe to you that shocks people.

Channeled song :

PERFECT - Dave East ft Chris Brown

444

You are so loyal and it can kind of be in insult if someone ever said to you in your face that they thought you wouldn’t value loyalty in life. you are the ride or die friend & in retrospect your so protected in friendships definitely more than you think. For this pile you could truly be a “loner” , people are pretty shocked that you don’t have a whole legion of friends!

People are also shocked to know you have the ability to not freak out if that makes sense , you can stay calm in the most intense situations and circumstances! You can literally just vibe out & that alone was birthed from all the hurdles and lessons you endured. You learned & mastered the art of not giving af and people find this not only shocking but attractive it’s like a gift you don’t usually see in everyone. People are pretty shocked to find out that you have hella skeletons in your closet but you hide it so well & with you it doesn’t present in a toxic manner.. you know your dark side . You don’t just scream all your fuck ups out loud. If asked , potentially but on a General level yea its a NO!

I feel heavy Scorpio energy as well for this pile 🦂

I see a visual of a Strip club and a pole and I loveeee it ! So you may be heavily into the night life in your city , or you entertain professionally in your city but people are shocked to see you outside of certain environments! Unfortunately in this world people judge strictly off looks and it seems you’ve been a victim of that at some point pretty heavily & your 360 is SHOCKING to people who knew & resonated with the “old you”. People are shocked that you really put your mind to this and started to hustle for your own ! You got some individuals who are shocked that you are humble with your money , it’s like you could be shitting on bitches but you’re super humble about it. Thats shocking to those who felt like the old you would be “obnoxious” about your success! This pile gets MONEY And idk why people are in YALLs pockets, but that’s so shocking to people It’s scary. People want the formula babes … it’s shocking but it’s the pure interest for me.

You could really pop your shit if you wanted to , And you’re super independent!! definitely keep beating the odds that arise against you while effortlesly shocking these h*** ;)

Random Side bar : The way you ride , you always shock whoever has the pleasure 🍆😗

Y’all are such lovers im talking hopeless romantic and that’s shocking to the outside world like you don’t come off as that “type” whatever that means ! Maybe you just aren’t as mushy with those around you but when it comes to that one person or the person (s) you choose to trust your… a dream! It’s Mesmerizing and shocking to those involved . This pile could be undeniably intuitive and that’s a shock value to pretty much everyone you meet , you may not sense when your intuitive nature kicks in but it’s like watching something unfold exactly how you want , it’s so satisfying.

People are shocked that you turn hate or challenges into powerful trophy’s ! You are a true Transmutator you can pretty much bend a lot of things to your will , lol this can truly go a lot of ways but I can see you TRY to keep this asset as positive as possible

I can see people are usually shocked when you tell them the hobbies you're into , I can clearly hear "streaming "or "gaming" !

I also pick up on loving cosplay and it’s shocking when you like magically transform ! It’s pretty cool :) 🧚

Hope you enjoyed ;) 💗

[dimeadozencows]

:DDDD

I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before

I put my lips to the hands of the man who killed my son

[mokkkki]

the way you write is so beautiful... tips for somebody new to writing who wants to write like you?

YOU are so beautiful, thank you so much! im not sure about any tips i have, but ill give it a shot. these are what i personally believe to have been the most important things:

find your wavelength my writing became a lot more stylized and personalized after i found an author that i resonated with, as well as a couple of themes. it just helps to know what you are actually interested in writing in, versus what you think other people would like to read. im personally interested in writing about relationships and dynamics, so my writing will always be more character than action driven. also, it helps, because youre always going to end up writing what you want to write, even in the smallest of ways, so why not embrace it fully? write what you want to read. otherwise, you wont have fun. and writing is SO MUCH FUN. knowing what youre into and what youre trying to channel gives you a really strong basis for all of your writing - not only will it take time for you to find your wavelength, meaning that youll have to expose yourself to many different genres and authors, which is a must, youll always be able to look back at that ONE creative piece and grab some motivation from it.

expose and explore creativity is everywhere - tv shows, movies, books, fanfics, comics, art, architecture, history (!!!), mythology, sports, reality - literally everywhere you can think of. dont wait for inspiration because its everywhere if you look hard enough. familiarize yourself with the seven basic plots, the thirty-six dramatic situations, basic foreshadowing elements, and other essentials. this isnt something to study or memorize, just to KNOW - its good to be aware of the foundations of literature.

embrace the brainrot and maintain a balance become obsessed w your own ocs, your own plots, your own everything. be your own biggest fan. to enter an abusive relationship with your own work is extremely upsetting, because youre doing wrong by the wonderful world youve made, and doing wrong by that part of you that just wants to be creative, too - and if that happens, its probably because you arent writing what you want to write, or controlling what doesnt want to be controlled. let your characters be individuals, let them go where they want to go, just follow and note what theyre doing. sometimes writing is a passive activity rather than active creation, and thats okay! thats when you know youve built a solid world that can run by itself and you just contribute to. that being said, while theres nothing quite like the hours spent ravenously typing, you need to find a balance. you are as important as your work, because without you, the work wouldnt exist. i also reccomend forcing yourself NOT to write on specific days. some ideas need to marinate, and some people need to rest.

i hope this was helpful <;3 if you ever need more help (and this also applies to those reading), feel free to reach out! im open to being a beta reader or just a brainstorming partner. lots of love!

[lovebvni]

Pink Pick-A-Pile (from 08.28.2022)

LMFAOOA IDK WHY I USED THIS PICTURE!!

but before reading, please realize when i made this, i was in a My Hero Academia reality shifting community. Currently, I am no active there, so if you find these posts,,, yes they were me. LMFAOOAOAO and some of this blog has been edited for my sanity.

┈

│ᵒᵖᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ...

╰─────────────────

[ 🖊 ] created ⋮ 27.8.22

[  ] published ⋮  27.8.22

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ꒰ ⌨ ✰ Arsyn   ⋆  ⁱˢ ᵗʸᵖⁱⁿᵍ··· ꒱ | ೃ࿔₊•

┊       ⋆     welcome to my blog !

┊     °

hi lovelies!! changing what i did last time for a pick a pile, im going to be doing a more motivational one!

by no means does it mean im going to be all nice, im just going to praise you and all that you and all you’re doing. its just gonna be less about WHAT and more about HOW you can change it and also motivating you to do more/what other things you can do to help you shift faster (if you’re still working to your first attempt) or how you can positively change your shifting journey. also you guys know i can be kind of blunt and then the alice in wonderland tarot is BRUTAL but im using the White Numen deck this time (which honestly is my nsfw deck LFMAJSUHNTE BUT I WANT AN EXCUSE TO USE THEM FOR A PICK A PILE!!!)

breathe in...

and out...

now please, pick a pile or two

Pile 1

Hello pile 1 and welcome to your reading!!

confirmation for this pile: 1111, angel numbers, reunions, supernatural dr, stability, not changing ‘im not seeing results’, pisces, water signs, christmas/yule, holidays, “its just out my reach”, unstable perspectives, cows, animals, outdoors

cards: the hanged man, knight of cups (r), six of wands, ace of swords

not even gonna lie, at first i got 11 cards.., i shuffled the 11 i got to make this pile smaller so i dont drain myself during the first pile jaoishtioeh

this pile is in either a state of waiting or a state of wanting change. you’re waiting for it and you’re working on it but its almost tiring? maybe you’re loosing the hope, motivation, the fire under your ass because of this waiting. i just remember that one blog that said that sometimes shifting is like a waiting game, i feel like thats the place you guys are right now.

in the kindest way possible, your emotions are out of wack. i feel a lot of stress, anger, hurt and just instability in emotions. maybe doing shadow work, vent art, sharing your feelings, poetry, etc. dont avoid these feelings because once you confront them and move on with life, it will be much easier.

again with being creative and venting in a not natural (?) way, ace of swords and six of wands is kinda like a ‘yeah do this.’ a nod in the right direction. being creative and changing the way you develop and think about things will help you a lot. you got this babes! you’ll get the big change you want when you start thinking outside the box. dont do the things you always used to do, but change the way you approach them and how you look at things. glass half full not half empty.

thank you pile one! i hope this resonates!! 

Pile 2

hello pile 2! and welcome to your pile

heres confirmation:  burning bridges, coming to an end, breaking negative cycles, “i know how it is”, not trustworthy, being pissed off and arrogant, 555, spiritual connection (soulmates, twin flames, etc), 888,666, snakes

cards: Temperance, the hierophant (r), 10 of wands (r), the lovers

okay wow the first thing i have to say is so many major arcana cards - literally i thought the would ALL be major

this pile seems burnt out in a way (no pun intended based on the pile image) and you need to find a way to light your flame again. dont give up, and dont be scared to ask for help. if you’re struggling with spiritual beliefs/shifting/your journey PLEASE ask for help. dont cry in silence. break free from any cycle you’ve been in. cleanse your energy and the energies around you. break ties with people who aren’t helping you in any way. who are negative in your life. hold your ground and speak what you think and know is right. dont let someone else control and manipulate you in any way. be powerful, because you are. you’re in control.

with temperance and the lovers coming out i feel like this is almost why you’re shifting/what keeps moving you to shift. its moving into your god/goddess energy. being that powerful being you are. being assertive and knowing what is right for you. when you’re shifting/thinking about shifting/making an attempt remember why you started. remember your past self and who you want to be in the future, and who you want to surround yourself with. the people? are they different? know how to control and change the situation if you need it. you got this okay? you’ll see who you want to see and be who you want to be.

thank you pile 2! i hope this resonated

Pile 3

hi pile 3!! literally accidently typed 333 so anyways

confirmation: 333, childhood, hello kitty, red, actions speak louder than words but its more about the effect on you life rather than what they did, water, ocean, 555, penguins

cards: five of wands (r), three of pentacles (r), death (r), the chariot, five of wands

okay first things first we have 3 reversed cards and thats like kinda?? because pile 3, accidently typing 333 and three of pentacles?? but lets move on

you’re moving away from hardships and being stuck in your own head and coming to terms and being at peace with your cr/or. you’re letting go of the things that made it bad and accepting them as memories and just things to hold on to and never let go of. more about the people than what they did.

are your goals not written out pile 3 and your true intentions behind them? or are you just not working to them? you may know your goals and not work to them, are you burnt out? take a break then! take care of yourself. you guys are the stubborn time but you need to listen to me when i say TAKE A BREAK ITS FOR THE BETTER! you may even shift on your break. you need to take a moment and be still because it will actually boost you forwards in the long run. sometime taking breaks helps you move forward. being able to take time and relight your candle. this will lead you to a peaceful and good ending. you can see the shore and you’re about to pull up.

honestly five of wands seems out of place to me, i ask spirit to give me cards in a way thats comprehensive and makes sense with the cards near/around it. it represents rivalry, conflict in a way. maybe spirit is saying on this break fix your relationship with someone, stop fighting and going back and forth. hold your ground, agree to disagree, and let go. also shifting isnt a race or competition, so dont rush it or you can get thrown off course.

thank you pile 3! i hope this resonated

Pile 4

confirmation: water, water signs, oceans, harmony, boobies , feet?? IN WATER??, “the universe must have divined this” - dove cameron’s ‘boyfriend’, bo burnham, “i gotta get out of here”, deities, blue, white, red, AMERICA

cards: two of wands, four of cups, six of swords, three of cups

okay so something i noticed right off the bat is there is a LOT of water i mean even in a card that supposedly represents air signs, shes in a boat in the water. anyways you guys are PLANNING unlike the last pile, you guys have a set out plan, goals, and reasoning. now you have a decision to make, are you going to look to external sources or work with yourself? i was called to get an oracle card bc you guys are different.

I got two cards actually, a time to give rather than take, new moon in virgo and a time for healing balsmic moon. so these cards, surprisingly, are saying the same thing. a change is coming, it may seem like its slow but its coming. i promise, and it will be surprising when it happens.

back again to tarot, because i actually only got to one card(!!) you guys are reevaluating and reflecting, i feel like you have been for a while, thinking and dwelling on the things you can change, have changed, and how far you’ve come (NOT GOODBYE BY BO BURNHAM COMING ON IM DONE walks out door ok im back.. but anyways) stop romanizing everything and look at it in worse case scenario vs best case. the best case was already stated, now look at it as the worst thing that can happen. make that like the fuel for your flame and dont let it hold you back, let it drive you forward. this is where six of swords comes in, you ARE moving forward and you will keep moving forward the more you do. you will heal (ORACLE!!) and you are healing. six of swords can also be interpreted as an escape. maybe shifting is an escape for you?

for the last card, 3 of cups is all about harmony, friendships and community.

i know a lot of people (AND I MEAN A LOT OF PEOPLE) have left the MHA shifting community recently, but keep close to the ones you need/have made an impact on you. maybe they’re leaving/have left but yk what you do? ask around. search and find. it reminds me of a bible verse “ask and you shall gain” or something like that. keep close to those who help you, keep the positive in your life not the negative. keep friends close okay? and talk to them, dont let go.

okay pile 4!! thats it, hope this resonated and you have a great day! also little side note, throughout writing this pick a pile i saw the lovers. so that may be important to some of you. im not putting it in confirmation because if you get this far down that means something for you.

[furbygoblinxiv]

Ok now to be annoying about a completely different flavor of Zelda: That cartoon from the 80s that has aged so poorly I take psychic damage every time I watch it (which has been multiple times (I have problems)). A few months ago when rewatching and being sick of the Link's personality from the show (his best feature is how funny the "Well excuuuuse me, princess" line is) I was like "I wish the quiet kid from the games/art was here instead" and accidentally thought too hard and made an au/rewrite of the cartoon lmao.

Anyways Zelda cartoon au where cryptid boy Link saves the post apocalyptic Hyrule of loz 1 and chills in the castle with cartoon Zelda to defend the triforce pieces that they have while trying to find the last piece before Ganon can find it, stumbling across the sleeping loz 2 Zelda along the way lol. Hijinks ensue as he teaches Zelda the brawns to back up her girlboss and he gets an adventure buddy because its dangerous to go alone and Zelda with her boomerang and crossbow goes hard. I think a monster of the week style plot works for the earlier Zelda games, but an overarching plot could coexist with that since that is kinda how games work lol.

As per usual here are a bunch of slapdash barely related sketches of my ideas with my expanded thoughts below bc I think it'd be fun to share:

I look at the official art of Link being a quiet determined little dude with a backpack of tools and wish that that was represented more. Like look at him! What a guy! Imagine giving a quiet puzzle solving 14 year old a sword, lethal magical weapons, and a wasteland to explore! I would love a show about that! In terms of other characters, swap out that annoying fairy character, put in a Navi clone, at least Navi didn't have a crush on Link🤮. Ganon can stay the same so long as he was always a demon pig and was never a Gerudo man because unlike Nintendo, I do not want to imply that the only prominent man of color in the series has only one big braincell thats just screaming "EVIL" on loop. But! Keep Zelda the same, I love her so much in the cartoon, she's obnoxious in a slay girlboss way, maximum vibes. By virtue of not having a paper thin plot, most other characters that were fine get fixed by proxy.

I think plot wise? It takes place a few years after the first game. Initially, Link saved the royal family and they started rebuilding that area of Hyrule, and Link traveled around to help people. One day, Ganon's minions start making attacks on the castle to steal the triforce pieces back to revive him fully, and a Zelda who greatly admires Links steps up to defend the place. Eventually, Zelda requests Link return to help defend the castle while they search for the mysterious hidden third triforce piece in order to combine the full thing and wish for peace in Hyrule. Link agrees and the hyjinks begin.

IIRC the og Link backstory was that he was the son of the hyrulean queen and the elf king or smth? In the manga? I didn't want him to be hylian royalty but I wanted to keep that cryptid vibe, hence why I have him related instead to the great fairy and the kokiri. He just leaves the forest/cave one day with literally nothing to go save Hyrule, what a chad. I think it'd be funny if people describe Zelda as feral due to how boisterous and headstrong she is, especially out on the field, but Link is the quiet version of wild that you don't notice at first. She is openly intelligent and snarky in comparison to "says 3 lines a day, bombs first and asks questions later, explore under every rock and bush" forest kid Link.

It would be fun though if "rushes into danger" Zelda resonated more with the triforce of power and "solves dungeon puzzles for funsies" Link with the triforce of wisdom, then they both resonated with the triforce of courage upon finding it. idk tho lol

I also think two different young Zeldas coexisting with each other after one awoke from a cursed slumber would be really funny. Like that's gotta be so awkward, especially if one has the fighter girlboss slay up to 11 and the other just woke up from a coma to her family gone and her kingdom destroyed and just kinda wants to read books and drink tea in peace. Imagine being the same age or older than your great (great?) aunt. Or imagine if the old lady Impa nursemaid to Zelda 1 Zelda was the young Impa nursemaid to the Zelda 2 Zelda. Wild.

If I wasn't incapable of remembering to finish writing wips I'd write that series lol. Alas, this is all I can pull for now.

I'd love to call this propaganda to go watch the show but maybe don't because its yikes. This is moreso propaganda for someone to make a Zelda cartoon show instead of the movie that I sense Nintendo is plotting to make. Also, if you've read this far, I should mention I also will probably be posting art from some of my actual long term Zelda aus beyond just expanding on the cartoon, though I may continue to do that if my train of thought continues on these tracks.

[onlyplatonicirl]

boom explosion. guess what its been 2 years since i came into your ask box to bother you about blogverse!!! as usual its the roleplayer behind the first lorelcest kid Oleander, Mercury, and most importantly to me, Bv!Shandyo

genuine apologies if you dont enjoy these! thats pretty fair and i get that it didnt affect everyone else as strongly as it did me, i just feel like its important that you know how much youve affected my life positively.

so, i was a bullied, neglected kid with unsupervised internet acess when blogverse happened (still a kid just less, woo!) and blogverse, especially your blog was probably the only part of the internet that i genuinely believed changed me for the better.

the sense of belonging, escapism, and the opportunity to create a character and show them to others like me was incredibly beneficial for me as a person and an artist in the long run, and to this day making OCs, writing, and especially drawing are passions that i consider deeply important to me- passions that blogverse and its community didnt exactly start, but they played a big role in fostering it. i know you just accidentally one day made an entire community that lasted two months but i cannot stress to you enough that it changed my life and i cant thank you & queenie (unsure if they still go by that, sorry) enough for it.

I also majorly admired you (and many others in a lot of the communities you associated with, but especially you) greatly as a person, artist & writer!!! you were my art goal and while that's changed as ive grown, striving towards this goal nurtured a hobby that i now know was/is a special interest to me.

while probably seeming like minor interactions with some kid who didnt know how to write a consistent character to you, to me your patience, kindness & continual creation of art genuinely helped me retreat from my abusive home life, gain a sense of belonging as a bullied autistic child, get better at art n writing, & grow as a person. i still lurk in communities like blogverse, but bv was my first and forever will be cherished in my memory.

so yeah. the things you do affect people whether you think so or not, and while i dont majorly interact with your content anymore, i hope youre well n you keep being great. :)

I want you to know that I’m at a friend’s house right now and she’s cooking herself dinner. I’m reading this paragraph and I literally start tearing up in front of her and she asks me what’s wrong 😭😭😭

Legitimately I feel like I have somehow won at life, like I won a lottery, because I don’t possibly know what I did to deserve messages like this and it makes me feel so amazing to know that I have positively effected the life of another person. That’s all I can hope for in life, and I can feel how much heart went into this letter so I’m trying to respond in turn

Even though at the time of all of this I had just around turned 18 years old, I was still very much a kid who was also trying to escape from a less-than-ideal home life. I never expected an audience when writing tcoti, it was purely my own self-indulgent passion project with my own hyper-specific headcanons. The fact that other people resonated with it so much and it created so many other inspirations as completely unexpected and absolutely baffling to me. I could have never seen it coming in a million years. It changed MY life for the better to know a my own silly utmv ideas literally inspired like. Countless others

I’m also going to share this post with Queenie, because they NEED to see this. Blogverse was her passionate project and I think to know you were as touched by it as she was and loved the writing is amazing. Also I’m showing Slime. @cosmic-chronologer look at this post with your eyes. I didn’t contribute with the writing as much as I should have because of how busy I was, and the real masterminds behind the project go to Slime Queenie and Achro. I hope they see this message!!!!

Thank you for telling me about the positive impact me and the others have had on you, it genuinely makes me so happy to hear. I’m SO happy you’re still continuing to create!! Most of my utmv friends back from then have left the fandom obv but I’m still in contact with most of them :) it means so much to me that you told me, because otherwise I would have never known how you feel!!!!!

I wish you have been well all these years. I loved all the ship kids you made :))))))

[bathroomtrapped]

ohmygod i literally just made an account on letterboxd bc i watched saw (2004) and loved it so much and ur interview was so inspiring to me and ive been on an absolute craze trying to reblog like every single saw post on tumblr and i somehow found your account what the heck?!!?!?! ur art is AMAZING and i absolutely love ur takes on saw as a franchise and its significance to the queer community. i hope to be as knowledgeable of this franchise as you are one day despite me only being a baby saw fan!!

i had a quick question; i found on the saw heritage post blog that they thought leigh/james/someone else confirmed that saw (2004) did not actually occur the day before 9/11 despite the phone given to them being set to that date. however, when i asked them if they knew where this source was from (bc im so curious!!! i want to know everything!!!!!!) but neither they nor i could find the actual source for that so i was wondering if maybe u knew??? just curious :3

regardless ty for taking the time to read this and dedicating so much time to this fandom!! i love that horror fans like you exist in a fandom that i previously thought would be weird and slightly disturbed film bros (i had a lot of incorrect preconceived notions about saw that have been quickly resolved i promise)

thank you!! im glad that people feel the same way about it as i do but even if people thought i was some crazy transexual making everyone else woke and pronouns, i wouldnt care. the story, especially lawrences but adams as well, really resonates with me as a trans person for so so many reasons, more than i listed in the interview. to me, i cant read his character without filling in the gaps with trans subtext. it not only explains but also enriches the personal experiences of these characters as well as their dynamics with each other. theyre both characters that are defined primarily by how theyre seen by other people, themselves, and eventually each other. the narrative is soooo focused on perception and masks and who u truly are, i find it hard to separate any kind of queer theory from that.

as for the 9/11 question thats such a dumbass pet peeve of mine. its one of the things that makes me shout UMMMM ACTUALLY at the top of my lungs. my blood pressure sours to inhuman levels when someone confidently says the movie takes place not just in 2001 but the day before 9/11. not because of some interview or confirmation from any of the crew because my knowledge of old fandom history is incredibly spotty. old sites and interviews r a mystery to me for the most part BUT! the reason it is for sure not before 9/11 is because during the flashback of pauls trap (during lawrences monologue about jigsaw) kerry tapp and sing are all at the scene with other officers and i believe its kerry who holds up an evidence bag thats labeled 2004. the scene takes place 5 months before the events of saw 1 so its not possible that it takes place 3 years before that. it just seemed like a funny (but insanely bold considering how 9/11 was only 3 years before) joke and easter egg for people to catch on to, not actual lore meant to be taken seriously.

if u want to look for the interview, i would honestly just listen to the commentary tracks bc it mightve been said there. i know in the one with leigh, james, and cary they discuss plot holes fans complained about, questions fans had online, the fanfic they read (briefly LOL). ive only seen that one (and once) but theres at least 2 other commentary tracks with different people that i havent gotten around to for fear of like. completing saw? idk i cant bring myself to watch all of the commentary tracks but theres a chance they discuss it there! i can only speculate on the reason, all i know is that saw 2004 takes place in 2004 based on actual evidence from the media itself

if u have any other questions let me know. i still have the original draft of the interview which had more questions and longer responses bc i couldve gone on for days abt the lore and saw queer theory and ill never shut up about it

[spookfished]

big media roundup (july edition)

hellooo again welcome to my media roundup, where i talk about things i read/watched/played this month! (…and by last month i mean AN ENTIRE MONTH AGO. WOOPS in my defense i got sick [better now]) in july i downloaded tachij2k, which im going to be shilling forever as the best way to read manga on android (apk on github here) this also means that ive been reading like, a Lot of manga lol so i split books + comics into two.

books:

vita nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko: a metaphysics-ish novel about a girl who is blackmailed into going to a magic school. sort of a subversion where (unlike many magic school books) it basically is all about learning and stuff? im kind of a sucker for books written by married couples i think its really cute and also kind of fascinating... um i sort of disagree with its approach to pedagogy but its also sort of about the blood sweat and tears part of learning,, where i usually quit beforehand LOL. got that eastern european hopeless and drudgery (?) but idk i would definitely recommend

the great believers by rebecca makkai: historical fiction that swaps between an art curator-y guy living through the aids epidemic in chicago and his friend in the present who is trying to reunite w her estranged daughter. i really liked this!! super devastating obviously literally scooped me like a melon. very well researched! i hadnt really grasped like. the sheer terror and paranoia? that happened during the aids epidemic before..... thats my lack of contemp history knowledge but it was good i learned a lot. liked the theme of sort of surviving through tragedy and even after.. and the line drawn between the lost generation (war) and yales own exp (EDIT: found sth i wrote after reading the book which said "people are living their own intricate and mundane stories and then the stories of the world smash straight through them")

assassin of reality (vita nostra sequel): sasha knows what she will become--has embraced it, even. but theres always something that can be lost, and the institute still has a heavy hand over her.<or sth like that??? the reveals of the last book kind of make it a hard act to follow and the book definitely felt a lot more abstract... ik some people complained about the romantic subplots but i feel like it gives stakes and grounds everything else, yk? it gives you a thread to hold onto otherwise i mightve given up LMFAO that being said i did enjoy it :3 wondering if what happened to the authors will change the vibe of the next book... :(

you exist too much by zaina arafat: literary fiction about a bisexual palestinian american woman who struggles with her addiction to unattainable love, which has led her to cheat in several relationships. this book didnt really resonate with me.. um i actually ended up writing like 500 words of review for this but its pretty negative. so if youre interested check it out here https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/970847361775591466/1147613251933306921/image.png

movies/tv: room with a view: a young english girl travels to italy and finds love there--but has to choose between that love and a 'proper' life. ok this was fine. idk it was cute and funny sometimes but didnt leave that much of an impression sorry :T

past lives: two childhood friends reconnect, lose touch, then reconnect again. aughjjj those two silent minutes where they were waiting for her ride were so freaking agonizing. really good acting pretty film i just enjoyed it a lot in general! :3 i didnt like the boyfriend that much at first but the conversation they had in bed made them feel like a real relationship, you know? wish theyd had a 3some though maybe it will happen in past lives 2: paster life. idk its like most of the time we dont grow up to be who we thought wed be or do what we thought wed do... but is that really so bad? cant you still be happy? *clutches my head

nimona (movie): adaptation of the comic above! um this was fine i think i was a little disappointed bc the jokes felt a little overplayed/didnt really land? and i was mentally comparing it to the comic but then rereading i was like oh these jokes dont really hit for me either.. so who am i comparing this to LOL i think it would have meant a lot to me in middle school, so maybe it will mean something to middle schoolers now. also ppl fought really hard for it to be made so i feel like i need to give it more credit. my mutuals meta also made me appreciate it more :3 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/687877902200471552/1126752893312184390/image.png barbie movie: not going to recap the barbie movie sorry. i actually watched this twice it was really fun :3 i wouldnt necessarily say it was a Cultural Milestone or anything but it was cute to see everyone dressed up for the movie.. plus i love velveteen rabbit type storylines. i think ken got the right amount of screentime (its not his movie!) but i loved his dance number and the battle scene :3 and the outfitss idk im not super caught up on the movie scene but it feels like there have been a lot of ugly movies recently. i enjoyed it

the rehearsal: a "reality" show about nathan fielder, who believes that any difficult situation can be rehearsed--and has the budget to put that belief into practice. ok like last year or sth everyone was like omg this show was sooo good but i didnt really get what it was about? but its actually really so interesting.. and the whole blurring between fiction and reality as well as the audience not really knowing which parts are staged and which parts are 'real' is so fun! i was a little bit disappointed when it diverged from the episodic format but that ended up paying off bigtime and was really like idk heartbreaking and funny and all of that. very recommend 👍

video games:

super mario odyssey: (replay)super fucking mario yay!!! in the long run, odyssey didnt have as much like. cultural staying power as botw did (they were both switch launch titles) but its still soooo imaginative and pretty and dense! i love platformers love 2 run and jump.

visual media: he was my brother: psych horror manga about a young girl who tries to grow closer to her recently-deceased brother's partner. omg i had so much fun with this the art is so atmospheric and delightfully creepy...REALLY mind the warnings though. i think i ended up reading all of it in one sitting lmfao

nimona comic (reread): classic villain ballister blackheart is looking for a competent sidekick, but what he gets is nimona, a shapeshifting weirdo kid with secrets. i remember trying to reread this and going wow.... is nimona not as good as i remember? am i old? but it was actually just like early webcomic weirdness nimona is still pretty good! yay :3 i still like the comic better but i respect how they are adapted to their respective mediums and also come from different phases in the og authors life

The story of how I came to know my favourite announcer has a side to her I would have never imagined: oneshot f/f w the premise in the title. whether i write down stuff like this is pretty hit or miss lol and i had to look this one up to rmbr what it was but the art is so cute...simple plot but i enjoyed it :3

crossplay love otaku x punk: romcom where two highschoolers fall in love with the other's crossdressing alter ego (m/m?). i really liked this one actuallyyy its so silly and im also a sucker for love square shenanigans. ok also now that someone else said they think hana/shuumei is endgame so im thinking about it. not the right perspective for this but the crossdressing isnt really overly fetishized or like seen as bad or anything? also ppl make some really funny faces in this

breathless momentum (vol 2+3): r two womanizing musicians find love... in each other!? this is also another one of my favorites :3 the leads are so fun and also music yay music! i really appreciate when a romance is still able to present an interesting story even after the couple has gotten together..

damekoi r: sequel to "please love this useless me," (damekoi is like.. useless passion? i think) which is about a woman in her 30s who spends all her money on her college boyfriend and goes into debt and falls in with her shitty former boss. omg it was soooo cute like i already said its a romance set after the main couple has already gotten together. which is my favorite. but these guys are really fucking weird so they still have a lot of problems. having Another Man who fits michikos type and isnt totally evil come in to destabilize shibata and kurosawas relationship doesnt feel cheap bc their relationship is already not very stable? lol i think the first one is worth checking out if you love pathetic women

mr villains day off: a gag manga about an alien supervillain on his days off. ok this one is pretty much just centered around this fluffy guy who likes to look at pandas but its extremely not very deep but its very cute... i like it... i also like pandas

how do we relationship/so do you want to go out, or (reread): f/f slice of life/drama manga about a girls first lesbian relationship in college. ok this is like "the" yuri manga for me i would recommend it to any fans of femslash its like sort of very realistic feeling? in the way that a relationship can sort of degrade slowly through lack of communication and being different people i think its really great 👍

ichinose familys seven deadly sins: psychological drama. an entire family wakes up with amnesia from a car crash. they dont remember themselves or each other, but pledge to stay together and relearn how to be a family and try to find their memories again. but is it really worth digging up the past...? man this one really goes off the rails. but like in a fun way? has an interesting arc going on rn about like... what allowances do we give, what are we willing to forgive in a stranger vs a family member. pretty interesting!

oshi no ko (catchup): psych thriller about the twin children of a famous idol trying to deal with the legacy she leaves behind. ive been talking about this manga for a while to my friends lol its kind of like riverdale in that its sort of very good, sort of very bad--but overall just super engrossing! which makes sense in a way bc its about the entertainment industry but also about the relationship between an idol and their fan... um not so sure about recent developments though lol. a little bit scared to see where things go

blue period (catchup): a delinquent boy used to going with the flow decides to go to the top art school in japan. yeah blue period is really good. hope this helps 👍lets all never go to art school ever ok ^_^

still sick: f/f about an office lady who finds out her coworker writes and sells yuri doujins (like illustrated fanfiction?) on the side. its a classic! was nice to finally get around to finishing it :3

liar satsuki can see death: thriller about a girl who can see peoples deaths and tries to prevent them--except everyone thinks shes just a liar. ok this is notable bc it has the exact same like adventures and gaybait as shounen but its all girls instead. its good light entertainment! sometimes is um kind of horny for sth about high school girls so ymmv on that one

farming for love: m/m romance about a pharmacist who moves to the country after a bad breakup and meets a ~strong but silent farmer~. pretty average, but fun if youre into that kind of thing! not sure if i would really recommend it lol

chainsaw man 2: set after the events of chainsaw man proper, its an action shounen focusing on asa mitaka, a girl who kinda sucks :3 chainsaw man is so fun yayyy im happy to be reading it again excited to get hit by some more bricks! asa is a wonderful protagonist and fujimoto continues to write comitragedy (?) in a way thats kinda obscene but also very cool 👍rip single father denji

skip and loafer (comic): slice of life about an ambitious but awkward girl who comes from the country to start her high school life in tokyo!!!! and some guy i guess. omg ok this is like the slice of life manga for me rn (the anime is really good! finished recently check it out) its just really warm and nice. autistic girls win always lol truly a comic that makes you feel like there is love in the world

no home: webtoon drama about two guys who are trapped together in a haunted dorm. ok this comic makes me really depressed but its also about people who make each other better despite their best efforts. and also violence and hatred its really really good 👍sad about recent updates though.. i guess maybe the characters werent really meant to be friends in the long term

this took me like two weeks to write and now im in a different state LOL so um if you got to the end...thanks for reading!

[leonsleftbicep]

im telling you my little hyper fixation bands because my god they are all masked and i don’t know why

for the longest time it was lemon demon, you ask me if i knew what potter puppet pals was i would answer you with a “yeah the series neil cicierega made with his sister and one of his friends. of course i know” or if you asked me if i knew who made the posible song for bill cipher and the demo for mables pet pig along with other songs in gravity falls i would always answer “yes, neil cicierega. hes every where and you just didn’t know”

recently (and i mean like a year ago) i started my ghost kick, started listening to them because of cirice. and now here we are i know all the lore, all two band that tobias forge was in before making ghost, and i still need to watch that movie he is in, went to a ghost show and didn’t get to see them because the stage and their equipment got flooded (i saw unmasked phantom in a tour bus). and im still laughing about the fact that omega and alpha got there names from fanfiction

we also have the whole sleep token thing. where i went into a rabbit whole after granite showed up on my youtube feed, and i started listening to all of their music and cried when i heard missing limbs for the first time (plus the is it really you? cover made me sob because i resonate with it so much). i also now have a love hate relationship with britiany broski (i use to watch her art analysis videos when i was doing the arts)

oh and the steam powered giraffe hole i was in for a total of two months, thats how i started my tumblr blog lmao, i literally found honeybee on accident and then kept going further into the hole. its a very cozy hole, i like it a lot.

most of these are all that consume and inspired a lot of my art and has helped me mentally some how, mainly ghost and sleep token.

im very neurodivergent (i have adhd and most likely am on the spectrum)

I NEED TO KNOW WHICH BANDS YOU'RE AUTUSTICALLY OBSESSED ABOUT SO I HAVE MORE MUSIC RECOMMENDATIONS I'LL GO FIRST WILL WOOD/AND THE TAME WORMS (+ I INTEND TO GET INTO EVERY WW RELATED THINGS LIKE CAMP HERE AND THERE JAMFACE THE STEREOSEXUALS WATCH THAT ONE MOVIE HE APPEARS IN + ALREADY LISTENS TO A VERBAL EQUINOX) LEMON DEMON OINGO BOINGO (AND DANNY ELFMAN IN GENERAL) DEVO TALLY HALL STEAM POWERED GIRAFFE SARAH AND THE SAFE WORD EMILY AUTUMN i also rlly like sopor aeternus and the B-52's but not in an autistic way i know a couple of the cog is dead songs but I either don't like or really really like their songs and i wanna know more abt vernian process cuz something wicked sounds SO GOOD OMG ANYWAY IF YOU KNOW ANY GOOD DARK CABARET/STEAMPUNK/THEATRICAL BANDS PLEASE TELL ME

[judeiscariot]

could you explain the meaning/context of drugstore perfume? I know little about the band but intriguied by your post

yes omg it would be my pleasure!!

so lots of hesitant alien as an album is about hometowns, specifically feeling trapped in yours and spending all your time as a kid wanting / trying to escape. lots of hesitant alien is also really easy and natural to read through a trans lense which only adds to the escaping your hometown motif, with how many young trans people from rural areas / small towns feel like they need to get out of their town before they can really become themselves. the subject, aka the 'she' of the song is a girl who kind of embodies this (trans) feeling of wishing for an escape from your small town.

“she waits at windows” - this girl is wistfully waiting for a chance to escape. the image of a girl ‘waiting at the window' for me always brings to mind the idea of a military wife gazing out the window waiting for her deployed husband to come home. its not exactly the same in this context, since this girl isn’t waiting for someone to come back, she’s waiting to be the person who leaves, but the images are similar in a way.

“her dreams don’t show in color” - she feels so trapped in this town that she can’t even see color anymore, it’s literally draining the life out of her. she’s so held down in this place that she barely even knows her own name, which circles back around to the transfem reading of the song. the place she’s living makes it impossible for her to connect to the person she feels shes meant to be.

“and she explains how long she’s waited for / she wanted more” - as a trans or otherwise gender noncomforming kid, you often feel like you’re meant to be more than what you are, but you have no idea what exactly it is that you're supposed to be, and even less idea how to become it. you’re always waiting for something - you don’t know what, but you know you’ll know it when you see it.

“wear another girl’s evening out” - this is a pretty undeniably transfem line to me. this girl is gazing wistfully at other girls, wishing she could live in their body for a day, wear their clothes for an evening. the way the line is specifically phrased reads as if to say she wants to wear another girl's experience in the world at large.

i am definitely a firm believer in the idea that mcr’s entire discography is made infinitely more layered by treating every song like a person having a conversation with themselves, especially in songs that switch between he and she pronouns or have an ambiguous ‘she’ character. this interpretation is central to the idea of the demo lovers both being gerard, which i think makes the story so much more deeply heartbreaking and resonant. this song could be read as gerard speaking on a relationship they had with this woman, but considering the context it reads to me like the speaker is gerard at the time that they wrote the song, while the ‘she’ is a younger gerard who had yet to escape their hometown.

even down to the title of the song - ‘drugstore perfume.’ it has this element of ‘cheap’ femininity. since mcr really made it big, gerard has pretty much always been one to express femininity through performance and just generally interact with femininity outwardly in a very costume-like way. thats not to say that they were treating femininity itself like a costume though, because i feel like that has a negative / exploitative connotation and that has never been how gerard treats femininity. even at the peak of them expressing it on stage as an element of performance art, they were also wearing neutral colored eyeshadow in their daily life and growing out their hair just because it made them feel pretty. their femininity has always been an important part of them, it has never been 'just' a costume or something they used only in a 'stage-gay' context or to piss off homophobes, even if that was an element of it.

also, something mira girlgerard pointed out earlier that i hadn’t noticed until now: drugstore perfume kinda transitions into get the gang together, which makes sooo much sense when you consider what each song is about. drugstore perfume is about longing to escape your hometown, and get the gang together is about returning to it long after you finally managed to escape, reuniting with old friends (‘the gang’) and eventually remembering what made you leave in the first place. one of the most clearly transfem lines in all of hesitant alien is in get the gang together - “whatever happened to rico / you heard what happened to sly / anyway, they all call him michelle now / and he had a new baby, a little girl gemini” - the girl from drugstore perfume is returning to where she escaped from and hearing small town gossip about her, who she used to be and who she became once she left. hesitant and arguably much of mcr’s discography is autobiographical, and this line is included in that imo especially with regard to the fact that gerard’s daughter is in fact a gemini. they are two halves of a whole song, and in turn tell two halves of the story of one whole life. i really like this interpretation because i feel like it fits nicely into the whole vibe of the current tour, looking back on when times were infinitely harder and it didnt look like there was ever going to be a way out and then looking all around you and realizing you found it.

anyways im no lyric analyst and i could be reading too far into lots of this but thats just some of my thoughts on this song. i could honestly do a line by line analysis if i had the time to, its just so packed with meaning and room for interpretation. anyways everyone go stream hesitant alien by gerard way right now

[hellokittysasuke]

all the mystery and terms that are just dropped around and youre waiting for some reveal or something... until half of it is never expalined and half is just dumped in exposition episodes by the scientist Ritsuko.

the first impact is literally never explained in the main series or end of eva, i stumbled upon it on the internet.

kaworu, a fan favourite character that youve been lead to believe has a very deep and impactful relationship with shinji... literally only appears for 20 min before he dies.

tge scene where his toji gets roped into being a pilot and gets stuck in a berserk eva is one of those occasions where you actually feel dread for the characters. when shinjis eva is literally ripping the other eva apart and crushing the entry plug in half with his friend inside and all he can do is watch...and thats when he thinks its just a human inside. thrn he finds out it was toji, his friend.. its genuinely horrifying, its shocking.

and then he somehow survives. it kind of ruins the impact

though in defense rei surviving wasnt really impractical because she did die..they just got a third clone to replace her and made it look like she survived.

and the last two episodes...a beast of their own. i liked the abstract animation and the various techniques used to represent the mental state of the characters. but they explain jackshit.

after kaji dies you really have no idea whats going on with the plot anymore. they show you shinjis mind but you dont know whats happening with the characters outside. and it ends like that, shinji accepts his existence and everybody congratulates him and its very wholesome but youre clueless as to what actually happened to the characters.

then it turns out youll have to watch end of evangelion for that, which again is superbly animated, the visuals are intense and haunting, the aesthetics are on point but nothings really explained.

i could really only get through the whole thing because i the overarching themes, the soundtrack, i.e. the creative choices, the artistic liberty resonated with my taste. its kind of impossible to get through it otherwise.

but you have to say certain parts are very well made. like asukas deterioration arc. very superbly put together for maximum horror.

the starting episodes are very structurally similar. repetitive. an angel attacks about quarterway through, they fight, fail, devise a plan, fight, win etc. with one or two variations thrown in. the angel possessed an eva, is capable of hacking into the magi, it sucked shinji in, it can split apart etc. even the animation sequence felt identical, alarms would blare, a repeated voice announcing an angel sighting, code blue, megaphones blaring for citizens to go into lockdown, an animation sequence of gates inside nerv locking down with red alarms as a background. ritsuko orders maya to analyze something, misato asks where shinji asuka and rei are etc. i liked that though. it was very...simple. combined with the 90s art style and the slice of life parts it gave it a certain charm.

evangelion is not very strong on plot. its not very clear and well planned out, and budgets and censorship and deviation from the manga make it kind of incomprehensible. as a whole its not very coherent, more to do with aesthetics and cool soundtracks and what looks the best just thrown in.

it endeavours to deconstruct the human psyche and the mecha and religous symbolism is just a way to get there. the daddy issues, the dead mothers and the psychological repression and denial can get a tad repetitive. and yeah...the characters never really mature. But personally their immaturity is what i like about them, i dont find them that irritating or unbearable and instead seem like relaistic tennagers with Issues tm.

this is just for the anime series though, which is very different from the manga. the anime is the original and more well known though, so much that fans only mention it and the rebuild movies in discussions. im reading the manga and i like it so far, its also supposed to flesh out characters like rei a bit more.

no lies this is actually a pretty good analysis. even if he hated eva all his points are valid and he did his research. anyways ill make a post about the parts i liked soon

[sickassastrology]

Who’s crushin on ya!? 😏🥰😍 This is a general pick a pile reading for the collective and your person. It may not resonate for all, so just take what sticks. Feel free to pick just one pile or take a look at them all. but please....be honest with your story. remember that timing is fluid and free will is something we all have. This could have already happened, your going through it, or will happen. Follow your heart always. -E 🌻💙

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PILE 1 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

So pile 1 your person is STUCK on you. This is someone from your past crushin on you. They just cant seem to get you out of their head-its literally making them sick. It’s like they have tried everything to distract themselves. But at the end of the day they are just worried sick, and have to speak whats on their mind. I see two 8s here so that number could be important to you or the connection. This person will be reaching out to you. this person lost you. You walked away from them and continued on with your life. And now that you left them, they are in a state of grief that you aren’t with them anymore. Ohhhhh, I see why you did....they were low vibes, huh? Had additions and didn’t want to come out of them either. Just stuck to their ball and chain. You gave A LOT to this connection. so much so that you were getting drained. I’m seeing a heart monitor, so it was like you were pumping love to this person on life support. And they were taking it. And it helped them, but they didn’t give it back because they didn’t have it. So-you had to leave. im getting that you had NOTHING left. Like even if you tried or wanted to give or have more for this person. they sucked you dry. And this hurt you. I am getting a betrayal energy from this person. They are stalking you too. If you moved on, they are looking at the new person around too. i heard the song “what we could have been“ by H.E.R. I see a guy driving around in his car at night listening to music smoking. So this person is dead in their feelings about you. They are reminiscing a lot about you. Don’t move too fast pile 1 because they are coming back. This person has done some work on themselves while they have been away too. They have been listening to spirit more. You were a divine light to them. you were placed in this persons path to help them with their addictions, help them be a better person. But nope they wanted to stay in the low vibes. like I always say, “and empress will never stay where she isn’t wanted. She will leave-BUT she will always be wanted back. She will always be needed. And this person, pile 1 needs you. i just heard I can’t live without you. So look out because they are coming around the mountain. Good luck. 😉

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PILE 2 🧿🧿🧿

Hi pile 2. Right off....this person wants to come back to you. But right now is a bad time. This person had a third party in the past and because of it, you cut them off. I don’t get the sense that this was a super long relationship. More of the beginning stages of developing into one. But this person was playing the field still. And you were having none of it. Youve been through enough. So you told them like it was, and if they try to come back again. You’ll tell them....again!! 😂 because you stood your ground, they view you as somebody different. I get that this person is used to getting over on people. But not with you so when you turned them away and cut them off. It forced them to make decision. and now their other options, I’m getting multiple people involved. They are done with them now. They have chosen you, and they are looking to come back. But boy oh boy they do have a ways to get there. This person could be at distance from you. I’m getting across water or state so they may travel to get there to you. but they have got to come correct because you are not playing! I get the sense of your not coming off of your throne-you just won’t do it. This group is no nonsense I mean honestly. 😩 your ready. You know your worth, and you are worthy of something good. You will not settle, nooooo not this time. Because youve already been through this. your heart can’t be played with anymore. This person is sad without you. They thought the other options would be better than you. Like oh “ill just go in my back pocket and choose from these”. But none were like you, so because of that....they feel STUPID. they feel so dumb, so sad that when they do come back. they won’t be able to even get a word in because you won’t hear them out. The “others“ are still coming for your person. Talk to them, be with them. But your person is just like no, I dont Want to be bothered, I want my bae back. But hey.....you may or may not be there when they decide to come. like they call you and if you answer then okay but if not, oh well. 😂 this person regrets what they've done. So dumb, so silly. To think....the other options were going to fulfill them. But they were sadly mistaken. pity boy, pity gal. 🥲 this person had options out the buttttt. They were playa playa from the Himalayas. this Person tried to play you, get over on you. And you found out. And said no not me, you WILL NOT do this to me. And they never had anyone do that to them. pile 2 I’m seeing you already know what it feels like to be not considered in a high regard. and You won’t do it again! Like if they want the others...go BYE! and now this person is feeling like they sabotaged this with you. They were living their ego. Somebody who has multiple options like that needs their ego to be fed. Like if the main person they want doesn’t work out or something happens they have backups. They can just go to someone else. Now this person feels like they aren’t enough for YOU! They now lack confidence, they are the jealous ones. They self-sabotaged. So yeah this person will come back with time, but your address may have changed by that time. *I just want to say I’m very proud of this group. A lot of lessons and growth!* best of luck! 😁

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PILE 3 🌸🌸🌸

alrighty pile 3, welcome! So this read will be more intuitive. Ironically enough, this group pulled three cards. So let’s get into it!.....*moment of silence because the energy is rather intense here*. I heard the song “baby come back” by player. I’m feeling this group has moved on from their person tbh. Like it’s just too little, too late for this person. This was somebody you walked away from. There was A LOTTT of love here. but also secrets and fears in this connection. With this person, your energy is coming up as “how could you do this to me-ME. Not in an egotistical way, but because you trusted and loved this person. And they loved you too. So when they did whatever they did to hurt or betray you, it was like how could you. 😩 I’m feeling like you weren’t even mad about it, more disappointed than anything. So after, you started just doing your own thing. Not really concerned with anything or anyone else. Just working on yourself. A reinvention. I’m seeing healthy eating or changing the color of your hair. Wearing sexy clothes (just for yourself) everything you started to do was about self love. And just when you started to move on or found someone new.....HERE THEY COME. like oh wait for me! i gotta be honest with y’all. I don’t feel like this person really cheated on you. I’m getting that maybe you thought they were doing you wrong but they weren’t. or a really bad agruement took place and something was said or done that was very distasteful and you felt betrayed by it. But I’m not getting strong cheating energy. You really thought it was something and it wasn’t and this person tried to explain and it went from there. (Downhill that is) there is so much sadness here. You really though this was going to work out and it didn’t. There has been some time that has passed here. This person didn’t know how to come back. no idea on what to say or do about the situation. But they daydream about it 24/7. They think about being intimate again and how it was like with you (if y’all were). this person wants to play something romantic. I’m seeing a dinner with candles a few drinks. Trying to take it back to the good times. But it took too long for this person. and now this person sees you with someone new And they can’t help but wonder...what if I would have gotten back in time. What if things would have worked out? This person does want to come back without a doubt! But will they? I’m not too sure, because it looks like you have someone else now. *PLOT TWIST*!!!! Pile 3 let me ask you this, do you love this new person like your old flame? I think NOT. You like this new person and everything, but your heart is with the person you broke up with. The new person is diggin you and likes you a lot. But there’s something thats just not hittin the same anymore. And your old person didn’t forget about you either. *i pulled extra cards for this group because I’m really feeling like this just may come back together. I’m getting that vibe heavy. For the outcome. I don’t see y’all coming back together ASAP because theres a decision that needs to be made and you don’t want to choose .your just kinda there. This connection right here is a divine pair. With the lovers and emperor here. But there’s still work that needs to be done by both parties and a conclusion by you. So you will be separated until then. I’m telling y’all...if you choose this person. Do not be surprised if this person gives you a ring. This person may right music or be into the arts. They may give you a gift that comes from their heart. a song. I heard melody. they could play an instrument or that was something you two had In common. The thought you of keeps this person sane while you aren’t with them. The thought of being with you again keeps them together. Like when they a bad day or something. Because you aren’t there physically, them daydreaming keeps them motivated. Pile 3, intuitively I gotta say it. I know y’all gotta make a decision and everything but this is going to work out. Idk when because time is fluid but it’s going to come back together. I’m telling y’all

now. its Going to take patience but in time it will. This connection is strong, y’all love each other too much. This person loves you. And they want to restore this! Like I said, this new person...your not fooling me! Yeah you like them, but that heart of yours didnt go anywhere. I’m going to say for this pile, your going to have to make the first moves because they feel like your done with them. They feel like there’s nothing they can do or say to get you back. WOW, you all have to let me know how this plays out because it will work out! I almost want to cry. can I get an invite to the wedding with a +1 please!?

[maskedjoker]

We are getting really close to the scene in lost fragment of snow that was genuinely confusing in the book, and it's the scene were everyone in the circus is killed. I think what we will probably get is a scene were mana finally ends up giving into despair after he is hit and then allen is fed to a lion.

I think that with more current info, i can say for sure that sleeve earl and mana are a hybird. This will likely cause a resurgence of sleeve earl into taking over the body and becoming whole. This only lasts for a short time however and when cross confronts him after the rest of the circus has died from the audience turning into akuma(which i suppose are implied to be constantly just around the earl and is probably one of the many reasons cross warned Allen to stay away) some exchange of words or damage causes a lots of control. This damage however also hurts mana(or potentially just being forced out off control) causing him to loose even more memories as seen when mana and Allen reunite the next day.

Now i think we can agree that sleeve earl exists as a third entity, especially since her recent art exhibit interview, as she talked about the suit being a super sophisticated golem. I think in this case as with tim and lero yhat "golem" refers to AI. Id argue with the weird phrasing like helix of life and all the biotech style that magic is more often than not just more advanced technology, and wherever the noahs came from likely was, hence why they say they only seem strong because we have become so weak. This is only further shown with innocences resemblance to machines like its gear like parts and percentage resonance.

The noah memories in general i think are some kind of AI that passes through generation lines, carrying significant portions of its past forward and then fusing with a similar person in their lineage. For example early on road would have been just road, then through some means either became an AI(or was given a piece of someone that counts as one under golem, its unclear). Regardless once connected to the noah memory, it acts like a save file and becomes more sophisticated with time. It carries each life and gives all those memories, feelings and drives to a new body. So new road would remember being road, her life and everything, but also the life they had been living up until the two combined. Over time the noah memory keeps getting larger and larger to the point new experiences are so small, relatively speaking, that it overrides much more than normal. Since they are fuzed as one being they likely cant be separated without mutually assured destruction, were the current entity will die and any remains will not be the origionals, if anything remains at all. An example of this is that tyki could not be made human by Allen I their fight i the arc, despite having a blade that should destroy only part of him. Admittedly tyki is a special case though, and more tyki backstory is needed.

Changes from body to body become more subtle, but the base, which likely has a distinct core function as seen by its response to certain tasks and ideas, remains a strong aspect. This creates an almost reincarnation like effect for them, needing to only find a new body to continue.

The suit is like this, but different. I don't know how the original earl split, but i do think that some aspect of him was placed on the suit. I would like to say its the original version of the noah memories of the earl and nea got like a brand new copy, but i actually have no idea what memories he has of being past earl so its mostly a guess. Regardless the noah actually all seem to transform in some way when they get mega pissed. Im looking at you skinn, jasdevi, and tyki/joyd. So the suit is likely that kind of thing, but way more distinct and capable of acting autonomously. Since they all have different forms it makes sense that his would also be unique. They all probably represent some inner desire related to their memory. Skinn is just rage so big angry man works fine. Jasdero and devit are bonds so they want most to be one. Tyki got all fucked up before he changed so i got nothing, but it had a heavy does of sadism, which I guess is pleasure? Taking into account that killing in horrible graphic ways is his guilty pleasure it kinda makes sense.

So because of that, this sentient AI is constantly trying to pair with half a fucking brain because nea and mana only share one brain cell. Some kind of resistance from mana or strain causes him to constantly fall ill or comatose. Now to be clear on naming, sleeve earl does not refer to themselves as adam in the mirror scene nor does he refer to mana as adam, and only uses "we" when talking to mana about being the earl. Oddly enough the earls self pronouns are we, using wagashi which is kind of like the japanese equivalent of the royal we used in europe for the entirety of the series. For the record, mana in the flashbacks uses male or single they pronouns, i don't remember if he uses boku or watashi, but he uses at least one if not both.

So from this it seems millennium earl is a title, used by whatever is paired with the suit. Adam is the original name of the noah, and is the preferred name of the current earl aside from the title.

This circumstance was likely caused by the rest of the noah, who are using the earl for something related by the pillar. His separation either by accident or by intent was likely by the hands of his family trying to keep control for their ends. This is why the current earl is called a broken puppet and has so many things around him related to acting and stage plays. He is playing a role, the red clown to allens white clown as stated in the ark arc. He even wears a mask. His memories and mind have been damaged though, therefore broken. However broken puppet for both allen and the earl could also refer to a puppet that doesnt work as a double meaning, implying they can no longer be controlled or puppeted.

It is also implied that he is still unaware of this betrayal, but it is likely nea does to some degree as it would explain why he became a traitor and killed his own family. To be clear, i dont think all of the noah know everything, and i dont think they dont actually care for the earl. It seems they still genuinely follow him to their death and see him as one of their own, especially in cases like road, tyki and wisely.

Now early i said that different generations of noah would cope woth reincarnating differently. Since the earl only died once before 7000 years ago, id say resetting to a new body with only 17 years would be just smashed flat by any algorithm with that much data. However manas feelings are still the newest, and so still have an impact even on the current earl.

Now we come to resurrecting mana. How? Why? Well i dont know. But my guess is whatever part was the memories of mana for the 20 or so years he lived, or at least his memories at death, are in allen. His curse and weird hallucinations of mana seem to suggest it. Alternatively that part of his soul may have passed on, or it fuzed with the noah memory making the origional mana part of the hive and much like tyki and his noah memories cannot be seperated. Not good regardless.

As two additional things, i want to mention that hoshino is a twin and has always been obsessed with it, so having twins in her book was inevitable. What is extra weird is hoshino was actually going to be a triplet, but either her or her sister absorbed it before birth. She has mentioned it in dgm interviews and i cant PROVE it translates to anything in the plot but its suspicious. She also still list mana, nea and the earl as distinct in every book up to date in extra novels and at the start of her books. Oh and her favorite hat for the earl right now? The one featured on the most recent chapter? Has two faces on the front that are visible, and one in the back thats hidden, and the most recent art has the back face as the only one visible, angrily staring allen down. Great art foreshadowing if im right. Its also usually sleeve earl, if not exclusively, that wear it.

The second thing is mana talking about love and drive in the most recent chapter just brings up the earl having the noah memory of love or devotion or something for me. Ive written about it before but it just seems to fit. This character is all about that from the ability to fuze loved ones together to the hearts he talks with and his drives being based on grand acts of devotion, being by their side etc. Mana also loved and adopted both and dog and a homeless child and keeps talking about how the world is so beautiful despite all the bad. The earl literally acts like the whole noah clans mom by his own words and cooks for them, and both of them go out of their way to be cartoony to break tension. The earl literally goes and buys a single red rose from a poor girl while tyki pontificate on how he doesnt act like a villain. He doesnt take an umbrella because he wants to feel the rain. He talks about how what he does is in human nature and requires a connection between two people. He is even designed with his ideal colors as red and purple with white, as well as being designed after flowers. I know this probably doesnt make sense, but its stuck in my head.

[elle-smells]

ok yeah I see how reblogging stuff not in my own words leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation so I guess I’ll make a post just for you anon <3 

Is my relationship with Wtfock, a show that made a racist season and did their poc actors and characters dirty for no reason at all, non existent? No, I can’t say that. Literally take one look at my blog and the first thing you’ll see are Robbe and Sander lmao and if you search wtfock in my blog it is pretty clear that I do in fact keep posting about it, and I dont think thats going to change anytime soon. I want to be very clear about something, I do not in any way shape or form support what that show did in season 4. The storylines, the main character and the reaction to backlash was completely tone deaf and insensitive to POC’s everywhere (myself included), in particular, Noa and Nora. It was way more than the word “bad” could describe and I do not support it. Here’s where the lines start to get eehh blurry so bear with me please. The way I see it, and I’m sure many other people in the fandom would agree, (to paraphrase something Daniel Radcliffe said) if someone finds anything in any piece of art or media that resonated with them, helped them through something, or simply brought them joy when other things couldn’t, THAT is between the person and the book they read, show/movie they watched, etc. For me, Wtfock S3 came at a time when I really needed it. I won’t get into a lot of detail but that is why the s3 storyline means so much to me, and why the characters mean so much to me. I got very attached to Robbe and Sander’s characters, seeing myself in them. I also LOVE Yasmina and can honestly say she is one of my favourite Sanas. Again, explaining this would take an entirely different post but bottom line is that my relationship with these characters goes a little beyond simply watching a show for entertainment (as is the case for my relationships with other characters + remakes). Having said that, I do realise how everything I’ve said so far can seem to contradict each other. At first I said I do not support what this show did in S4 and then said I’m happy to keep blogging about the parts I did love...yeah I see why you would feel iffy about that. But going back to what I said about relationships consumers can form with media, its not your fault if something you once enjoyed was ruined by tone deaf writer and creators. You can choose to keep a space open in your heart for something that became meaningful to you, no one can take that away from you. Thats all fine as long as you recognise and reject the damage. In wtfock’s case, you have people only watching the previous seasons of the show on youtube, not only supporting translators but also not boosting views and engagement on the offical website. Most of the fandom has also made their opinions against this season very clear not only to others online but to the show’s team themselves. We also can not and should not forget that this season existed, its important to talk about it and not let stuff like this slide wihtout fault. I do believe all of this can happen without completely errasing the characters you love from your life. Now, there are also people who simply can not continue to support the show in any way and are unable to look at anything related to it in the same way again, that is also very valid and very understandable. Like I said, thats between YOU and the SHOW you watched. 

In regards to my posts about wtfock being number 1 and number 3 in two of Tumblrs Top of 2020 lists, that wasn’t me praising the show in its entirety. Actually, it was just me being confused and shocked that the fandom manged to trend enough to earn that spot. Did it make me feel weird that it got the top spot considering their last season? yes it did, the show itself does not necessarily deserve to be there, which is why most of my posts were born out of pure amusement (which is the literal description of my blog anyways-) at the power a group of people (that I’m a part of) on the internet can have.The only thing I did 100% celebrate was one of my comfort character being on a list this year and I dont think I should apoligize for that. But I am sorry, if you misunderstood and thought I was ignoring season 4. Believe me, I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon. 

[2021ssajka]

This month has been very challenging for me. (personal post below, you can read it)

From having plans to go back to the Philippines, to cancelling that plans all together. I initially wanted to go to the PH because I wanted this to be my gift for myself as I am graduating with 2 majors. I wanted to visit my family there and spend time with them, as well as my dad (sick). 

My dad and I dont have the best relationship, so it has been even more challenging for me. 

Ive been in America for 10 years now and this whole time Ive always wanted to go back and be with my family there since I love them very much and they are a big part of my life. Ive always imagined a nice vacation and going on trips with my cousins. Painting in my little terrace of my childhood home. basically reliving my old life when I was 12. I still kept that dream till now.

I am only now realizing that, that perception of the Philippines I had in my head is still the vision I had when I was 12. I am realizing now that its a fantasy and not the reality. 

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This planning process for the Philippines was super last minute and impulsive, given the pandemic and me finding out my dads condition is not getting better. I booked a flight right away without any plans whatsoever. I was hoping it would be a spontaneous time where my family would bring me around to places and etc. I was even just fine with just staying home and just being in the company of my cousins that I missed so much. 

Everyday since I booked that flight, there were complications and drama rising. My dad has becoming paranoid and his narcissistic ways are coming back and has been triggering me. We have been fighting a lot since then which turned into getting more people involved with this fight. Resulted with me having a major panic attack and meltdown that I do not want to go at all. 

All the bad memories I had of him in my childhood came back. Everything was coming back to me- everything that I have burned at the back of my head and forgot about. I thought time has healed me but I was wrong. my past trauma came back and I felt like I was stuck into this trip without knowing what I signed up for.

I was not okay for many days. I felt like I was a helpless child he were able to control, manipulate and emotionally/mentally abuse again. I kept praying.

It was then that the Philippines announced that there were implying a travel ban on the day I booked a flight. I felt that this was God’s interfering in order to protect me from him

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This has been an eye opening experience for me. 

Growing up in a traumatic household and moving to another country made me deal with things differently. I realized that me being overly positive and optimistic and being grateful for everything is a trauma response. Its a survival response. 

At a young age, My body did not know how to process these traumatic events and emotions so I shutdown. Its like when you have an accident and your body go on emergency mode and you wont feel the pain. I think that is what my body went through. I remember a time when I was a kid and I was numb for a year. It was through art when I tried healing myself and holding on for hope. 

for a long time- till now, everytime those events in my childhood are being talked about, i literally have a panic attack and I shut down. I cannot listen to it or talk about it without crying. 

When I moved here. I started a new life. I had a clean slate and I tried to forget everything bad that has happened. Its like I cleared out all the bad memories and held onto the good things, thats why I had such a fixation in my childhood in the Philippines because after a while, I only believed that I had a good childhood there. (i didnt have a right grasp of my real past). This also explains the reason why I wanted to visit that place so bad- bc i can only remember the good things, and I had a breakdown when my bad past caught up to me because that no longer existed in my head. 

This explains my fixation in my memories of the Philippines in my art work and why I use happy colors. I only saw that place as the “good place” when in reality there are many bad things happening in that country (not only in my personal life). 

ive only realized these things now... 10 years later when everything came back to me as flashbacks when my trauma was triggered. and it explains everything in my life especially in my artworks. it explains why I do what I do and I have such empathy for myself because I realize that the artist in me is the kid in me 10 years ago. 

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I realized that when I moved here, I viewed the Philippines as my ESCAPE. my safe haven, the place I would want to go back to and retire to since this was my home at the age of 14. I had such yearning for that familiarity when I was living in a foreign place that I developed such fantasy in that place.

I started painting when I was dealing through traumatic events in the Philippines, just when I was about to move here. I used to paint encouraging words in my art, having it as my sense of hope in those challenging times. 

I guess that still lives on in my today. I still use my art as my sense of escape and I am only realizing that now. I have always mentioned that these landscapes are my “safe haven” and now I understand why. Ive always referred to my art as a “healing act” but i never really understood why. 

I realized that my view of the Philippines is different from reality. I made this to be a romanticized place where I had a nice childhood in but that was not the whole story. 

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This is why it is so hard for me to reference anything negative in my work. Ive always used my art as a positive act, to bring hope and encouragement. I still stand with that. I still resonate with my work and it is still valid. but now I see my work as two sided. Its not only that narrative but also the past that I have forgotten about. 

I have always had trouble with my art classes because teachers would always push me to do negative emotions in my work- so not just positive but also the negative aspect of the full spectrum of emotions.

This has always been a difficult task for me because I dont want that. My body rejects it. I used art to heal and they would want me to express the nasty emotions here. now I understand why I react that way. 

My mother is also a trauma survivor of my dad. So her, my sister and I share these experiences together. This also comes from an immigrant narrative who had nothing on her back when she came to this country, literally building herself up from dirt. My mom is the one who would always teach me to be grateful, to appreciate what we have and to be positive- to the point that thats all I did. to the point that it buried all the negative emotions and memories that I was not able to heal completely and is now still in that place. 

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its a lot. its like I just found out a different past that I never knew of. but im so glad I figured this out now. Its like I finally have an explanation why I am who I am today. Everything is valid, there is a reason why dealt with that problem that way and I dont regret it. 

Im just so glad I finally have answers. It just explains so much and im mindblown lol

I am not comfortable having this as a narrative of my work even if it is probably the main influence of the work i do. Im also not comfortable of talking about this personal story with other people and in my work. 

I just refuse being an abuse survivor as my story... I am more than what I have been through... so im trying to figure that out.

I am now trying to know myself again, my full self. 

Im excited to see how this changes my work hehe

[frankincenseisnotamonster]

The Finish Line

EXPECT IT! 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DEETS:  

Today is the day we put things to rest. 

Let the old demons die,

Let sleeping dogs lie.

So this is it. We did. Come hell or high water. And we really have been experiencing hellfire haven’t we all. Literal fires, and figurative fires. Its not easy to walk through flame, it is harder still to walk through flames and not be burned. Let us bask in knowing that if we are here, we are whole.

I had my last guitar battle on Saturday, the day before my birthday amongst friends who have been there for all the guitar battles and all the personal battles before that. Even in smoke, even in fire, my friends and loved ones, present and virtual came to gather round in our world now made camp fire.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I won. But what really is “winning” anyway. Is winning feeling better than someone else? Is winning learning a cool new lick on guitar? Is winning everyone voting for you? Is winning doing your best? Is winning just showing up?

Now at the end, after all the shenanigans, all the smiles, all the plotting, all the practicing and ruminating, I wonder, was it even a competition? And who really wins?

Winning is cool, and winning is good for me to work toward, but I didn’t do the battles to win.

I did the battles to battle myself and all the ways I had twisted up in self-sabotage and betrayal, setting myself up to fail constantly, and its not so much that I did fail but that I always “thought” I was.

I hope if folks look closely, or even look at all, they see what I see and know what I know,  I did the battles, every guitar battle as an expression of pure self-love and healing, an unabashed (although I can be very abashed) display of what I thought, who I am and what I was, and most important who I could be. I won for myself, a vision of me being something else than what I thought I was.

I think I win, but not because of “winning the guitar battles”. All that I won was myself, the harder battle and the real one underneath, of learning to love and like myself.

I haven’t become amazing at guitar, or done a lot of cool shows were I stage dive into the audience, but I’ve met new people and been able to tell I resonate with them. I’ve reconnected with people from the past and realized there not for me. I’ve been hurt and hurt others. Similar to this new anime I adore, called K-ON, that is about a club that meets after school to eat and be in a band; I spent most of my time dreaming, and eating treats and snoozing probably a good deal more than I spent playing guitar.

The thing I love the most about picking up guitar and doing this strange and silly performance ritual has been all new fun memories with my friends I’ve made.  And if I am being deeply honest, thats probably what I wanted most. I saw these other guys, something outside myself bringing folks together through music. I caught that love, and then I caught something more, or found something more in me, which was the dark, the envy the shadow.

The shadow is a special part. Its the part that made me keep practicing even if I thought it was a lost cause. Its the part that kept me feisty and petty with my rivals, I hope just enough to make it fun! Its the part that needed answers, needed to be seen, needed to be liked. But there was only one person that  could really give love to my shadow and that was me. I had some pain inside me and I couldn’t even really say truly where it came from. What I found healing was acknowledging it existed, that even with my love of psychology and astrology, I still found it hard to give myself grace, to say its okay to make mistakes, its okay to be selfish sometimes, its okay to be wrong, its okay to be bad, its okay to just be.

So many times I have let things change me and sometimes there’s just no stopping that. But when I play guitar or make art, I’m shaping my own change. Octavia Butler says, god is change, but also we can also shape change. We can future cast, and we have to.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was listening to a podcast recently  with Amanda Seals and Sonya Renee Taylor and they noted something so beautiful to me, “compassion and kindness can exist in the same space as honesty and truth”. I love this so deeply, through out my whole body. Truth doesn’t have to hurt and honestly doesn’t have to wound you. The guitar battles were my way of telling the truth in the most compassionate way that I could tell it, especially to myself.

They were a manifestation of what I believe, which is that fighting the power can be fun, saying hard things can happen with whimsy and joy, and you can do little things all the time to shape change and embody the love you want to see for everyone, by loving yourself, and the ladies of you know I had to add that in lol! ^,^

I haven’t always follow my own rules, or stuck to how I intended to do this whole thing, but thank you thank you to my lovely folks, my friends, my family, my bandmate, and my community thank you thank you (deep bows) for your ear, your time, checking in, looking out for me, hosting my battles, sharing my struggles, adjusting cameras and filming, contributing, joking and laughing, celebrating and being thank you thank you.

Through this whole process, I wanted to change and now in some ways I have. Its not my business what people think of me, but it is my business what I think of myself. I don’t need to be the protagonist of my story.

I hope there will be more challenges more strange adventure to go on. Sometimes I almost love the adventure itself, more than anything else. All I ask is that I have a fun story, and maybe one with a little adventure, a little whimsy, and atonement mixed in.

3 times over 3 times under I release my old stories. I love them for what they made me, And now may I let in something new.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

UPDATES

Im done play with the big boys now! To all my rivals I’ll catch you on the flip side.

I learned enter the sandman or some of it and it may not seem like a big deal, but y’all when I feel the power when I play it I gotta say!  So today I make a promise and I don’t always like promises, as they are hard to keep.  But if I cold promise anything ever, I would promise this:

Even if it takes everything in me, until my very last breath, I am going to shred so hard FOR THE LADIES. HUZZAH!