#resisting the urge to make this singular quote my entire personality

[lesbians4tophbeifong]

“girls. well, one girl” im sick.

[dykesynthezoid]

Are your politics really that “radical” if you actively still refuse to deconstruct the hegemonic colonialist idea that “might makes right” and that violence is the only truly effective strategy for liberation. Like is it really

The more I start to prioritize non-violence in my politics the more I realize how many leftists who scream and shout about opposing colonialism, about bringing low existing hierarchy, about how much they hate this country etc, have actively not deconstructed some pretty fundamental colonialist ideas. Some pretty fundamentally American ideas, at that. They continue to center themselves in world politics. They continue to see violence as inherently “justified” (whatever that may mean) as long as it’s the “good guys” who are doing it. They continue to see “defense” as the same thing as violent offense. They continue to value the social control and power they can wield over others more than they do helping people. They continue to see the world in terms of domination and destruction rather than investing in ideas of reparation and renewal.

“What, so you think people can’t fight back? That’s just siding with the oppressor!”

I’d be interested to know where I said resistance is wrong. At this point I try not to even approach the idea of violent revolution with moral judgement, frankly. More and more I seek to remove the element of my own moral perceptions from these things (sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. I’m only human). Besides, what would it matter for me, as a singular person, to think somebody’s actions are “wrong”? What weight does that actually carry?

What I can say is that, in practice, violence has consequences. In practice, it has a tendency to compound upon itself. In practice, spontaneous self-defense, and even organized community defense, looks very different than a hyper-organized, hierarchical, premeditated violent offense. In practice, the most vulnerable of any population are always the ones who pay the most consequences for violent action, even if that is not the intention. In practice, people use the chaos of violence to enact their own personal goals. In practice, you cannot trust that every person you resist with would not take advantage of that chaos to bolster themselves, to continue the cycle of one party dominating another. In practice, violence may not even be as effective as you actually think it is.

I’m tired of asking what is right and wrong. I’m tired of asking what is “justified” or, god forbid, (cue the Ursula K. Le Guin quote) “deserved.” Instead I consider what actually matters: what is harmful and what is helpful. Suffering is harmful. Violent oppression is harmful. I want to be helpful.

The questions that guide my activism now are:

What is the most effective?

How can I do the least harm?

How can I do the most good?

None of this implies that I think violence is never necessary, or even that I think violence cannot be a tool of resistance. What it does imply is that I take violence very, very seriously. And that I recognize its consequences, and I do not consider its use lightly.

(If you find yourself feeling instinctively angry or incensed by anything I’ve said here, I urge you to go back and reread the post, and this time make an earnest effort to find the best-faith possible reading, and balance that with your instinctive response. Ask yourself, is this post about OP giving their personal opinions about specific global events, or is it a much more broad indictment of leftism in the global north? Ask yourself, should I assume that because this person dislikes violence, that must mean they actually, for some reason, love it when the oppressor does it, and the only reason they didn’t discuss that here is definitely because they love the oppressor so much, and not for any other reason, such as being concise or specific and not trying to write an entire novel in a tumblr post?)

[bobabangtean-blog]

coffee & crushes (i like you a latte) yoonkook au ; part 1

➵ part 1: “i’ve caught coffeels for you”

   ↪  ılı.lıllılı.ıllı now playing: would you be so kind by: dodie clark

“a change of scenery might help you out, hyung.”

namjoon’s words run through yoongi’s head as yoongi steps out of his tiny apartment and into the real world. he sneezes, a small squeak, as soon as the sun hits his eyes. he’s reminded of how much he hates summer. squinting, he makes his way down the sidewalk, staring down at his toes and counting his steps. when he sneezes the second time he curses internally at namjoon for suggesting he leave his safe haven and go to a (probably generic and wannabe hipster) coffee shop down the street.

bells jingle when yoongi enters the cafe. it isn’t as bad as he thought it would be, if he’s being honest. the walls are painted a rich cream, and the atmosphere is nice and quaint. he plays with the leaf of a snake plant as he waits in line for someone to take his order. he is only slightly aware of the permanent frown that has been etched onto his face due to sleepless nights doting over every detail of his mixtape. rubbing his eyes lightly, he steps up to the counter when the barista gestures that it’s his turn. did he leave his light on in his bedroom before he left?

“what can i get you?” a silky voice breaks through his thoughts, and soft doe-like eyes stare up at him.

the man is unfairly pretty (not that yoongi’s looking or anything). that’s the first thought yoongi has in his mind. yoongi subconsciously stares at the boy’s face for longer than probably socially acceptable and takes in that the barista looks like an actual angel.

the barista, now decorated with flushed cheeks, clears his throat.

“what?” yoongi asks, two days of sleep deprivation seeping into his voice. yoongi doesn’t realize he sounds rude until five seconds after the word leaves his mouth, and notes that his face doesn’t exactly scream “hi, i’m having a great time”. he opens his mouth to apologize before cute barista boy beats him to it.

“if you stopped openly ogling me for two seconds, you’d know i’m just trying to do my job and take your order,” the cute barista boy, which yoongi just now notices has a name tag, snaps back, and immediately widens his eyes as if he’s surprised himself.

“u-uh,” yoongi stutters intelligently, as barista boy, named jeongguk, glares at him through tired looking eyes. the glare ignites something in yoongi, and suddenly he’s pissed off too. “i’m sorry. if i’m going to be honest with you, i’ve probably gotten, like, a maximum of three hours of sleep in the span of two days. i didn’t mean to come off as rude but that didn’t mean you had to be rude back. i literally said one word. so. but y’know, service with a smile and all that, right?”

yoongi cringes internally at his harsh words but keeps up his best pissed off expression.

“so i’ll just take a cup of kilimanjaro with as many shots of espresso as legally allowed, thank you, the name is min yoongi just call it out when you’re done,” yoongi hurriedly says and makes his way to a table, cringing at the way the screech of the chair draws more attention to him. he resists the urge to bang his head against the wooden table. yoongi leaves his apartment for the first time in a month and has managed to get on someone’s bad side in less than an hour. lovely.

ears burning, he pulls out his laptop from his bag and refuses to look up in the general vicinity of where jeongguk is stationed. he takes his phone out from his back pocket and texts namjoon for comfort.

yoongi:

help

joon:

? hyung are you okay ??

yoongi:

please kill me. just end my suffering right now. that would be much appreciated. thank you so much in advance

joon:

okay the last time you told me to kill you it was because you told a cashier “love you” instead of “have a nice day”

yoongi:

i had just recently suppressed that from my memory i really needed that right now thanks

joon:

okay but seriously, whats up?

yoongi is about to text namjoon back before he hears his name being called out by jeongguk. he mentally prepares himself for the social interaction.

when he makes his way up to the counter, he notices that jeongguk is looking at him with an apologetic expression, rather than pissed off. shortly after jeongguk hands yoongi his coffee, and offers yoongi a smile, he notices that jeongguk scrunches his nose up like a bunny when he grins, and also notices how he would do anything to see it again.

he plops back down in his chair, the coffee warming his hands up, and sets the cup down on a coaster, opening his laptop lid and clicking on his unfinished mixtape. he quickly texts joon back and updates him on the tragic ordeal that unfolded minutes ago. after joon texts back three laughing emojis and one crying face emoji, yoongi decides he needs better friends, ones that don’t laugh at their other friends misfortunes, and also ones that don't use emojis unironically.

(namjoon and yoongi had actually met through an extremely awkward situation, joon finishing a philosophy 101 lecture and while leaving through the double doors of the university hall, quite literally ran into yoongi and dropped all of his carefully balanced textbooks right on top of him. and then somehow tripped. landing right on top of yoongi. upon making eye contact with him, namjoon blurted “i think you know my boyfriend”, and suddenly jin-hyung’s rambles about a cute tall dork that is too clumsy for his own good made sense. but yoongi loved joon to death, not that he’d ever admit it aloud).

sighing quietly, he moves a few tracks around in his mixtape folder, titled “a messtape”. knowing that all of the songs need to be polished and that yoongi is never truly going to be entirely satisfied with any of the music he produces, he tries to distract himself with a sip of coffee. and then proceeds to burn his tongue on the hot liquid, glaring at the beverage before noticing something else scrawled beneath his name on the cup.

i’m sorry i was rude. hopefully the coffee makes up for it :)

the corners of yoongi’s lips quirk up and he peeks up at jeongguk, finding him staring back. jeongguk grins shyly, and winks when yoongi doesn’t break eye contact. yoongi forgets how to breathe.

-

yoongi tells himself he won’t go back to the coffee shop. he really does. public places never usually help him focus on anything, and quiet chatter coming from people around him does more harm than good. yet he finds himself going back everyday, burning a hole through his wallet with $3 coffees that have cute pick up lines written on the side.

yoongi tells himself he comes back because the coffee is really good, the espresso being the perfect balance between bitter and sour, and not because of the cute barista that writes cheesy jokes and winks at him every time they make eye contact.

yoongi tells himself that jeongguk’s friendly banter doesn’t make his day five times better, because not only is jeongguk a pretty face but he’s also unfairly talented and funny, and tells himself that he doesn’t want to hold hands with jeongguk and cuddle and kiss him on the lips all the time.

yoongi also tells himself that the coffee doesn’t taste sweeter after he reads the notes on the side of his cup (it does). because min yoongi is not developing a crush on his barista (he is).

-

“yoon-ah,” jin randomly starts, chopping scallions in yoongi’s kitchen because quote, you don’t ever take care of yourself even though you’re literally 24 and no matter how much you say it i know you don’t actually want to die, so if breaking into your apartment and making you tteokbokki all the time is what keeps you alive, i’m going to do it, end quote. yoongi appreciates jin a lot. “i’m starting to worry about you.”

yoongi looks up from his laptop, sipping his (probably) 4th espresso loaded coffee of the day, eyes twitching. this cup has “i think i’ve caught ‘coffeels’ for you” scribbled onto the plastic in red ink.

“why’s that hyung?”

“i know you’re addicted to caffeine and all, but i think you’ve been overdoing it these past couple of weeks,” jin stares pointedly at the coffee in yoongi’s hand. “don’t get me wrong, i’m glad you’re getting out of your apartment, but are you sure that coffee place isn’t fuelling an unhealthy obsession?”

“i think he’s been there once every day this week,” namjoon helpfully chimes in, bookmarking his page in the singularity is near, and walking over to jin to give him a back hug. “no, scratch that, i think he went twice on monday.”

“i think that’s perfectly healthy,” yoongi replies, unconfidently.

jin raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t comment further.

-

(it’s around this time yoongi finally admits to himself that the coffee at the cafe is honestly decent at best, and that he definitely doesn’t return day after day for it.

also he realizes that he should probably stop asking for so many shots of espresso in each cup, because he really isn’t a jittery person so why can he suddenly not stop bouncing his knee up and down. it’s annoying. hoseok likes to compare him to a jackhammer.

it’s also around this time yoongi realizes he has a crush on jeongguk.  he realizes it when jeongguk smiles and yoongi’s heart does an entire gymnastics routine.

he realizes it in the coffee shop when his heart beats about three times faster, not caused by the mass amount of espresso he now consumes. it’s because jeongguk somehow found his way into yoongi’s heart, entering in from the aorta and stealing all of the oxygen in yoongi’s bloodstream away. especially when yoongi looks up at him from his usual seat at the cafe and finds the boy unknowingly humming to himself, or sketching quickly on a napkin. when yoongi stares at jeongguk taking orders and memorizes all of his little quirks, sitting at his table with a fond expression plastered on his face. like how he tilts his head slightly when he’s thinking about something. or how he pokes his tongue into the side of his cheek when a customer is being rude. or how he bites his nails when he’s nervous.

he realizes it everytime he steals a glance at jeongguk.

it’s around this time that yoongi realizes he needs to confess, because if he doesn’t, all of the adoration he feels for jeongguk might accumulate so much he’ll explode).

-

yoongi’s ball of nerves feed the frenzy of butterflies dwelling in his stomach. the familiar jingling above the door do nothing to quell the tingly feeling, and yoongi beelines for jeongguk once he sees him working behind the counter. yoongi then curses at the gods because how the hell can someone look so good in literally a black apron and a white dress shirt.

cue flashbacks to yoongi’s previous internal dilemma that ended with an argument with himself stating “he writes cute pick up lines on your coffee cups every time you order, he obviously likes you”, versus “but like what if he just does that so i buy more coffee”.

“hey hyung!” jeongguk’s eyes crinkle in happiness when he sees yoongi. yoongi’s heart beats faster. “same as usual?”

“yeah, thank you guk,” yoongi says, smiling, all gums, at jeongguk because how can he not. “i actually have something to ask you.”

“what is it hyung?” jeongguk looks up and his face holds so much concern it’s overwhelming. then, his face morphs into something of humor. “if you’re going to ask me something dumb like you did last week with, what was it again? oh right, i fed holly a grape and now i’m scared he might die, do you know what to do?”

“you know holly’s my actual baby,” yoongi rolls his eyes, nerves calming a little as jeongguk’s small talk relaxes him. “but no, it’s kind of important. and i’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

jeongguk’s hands falter slightly as he’s packing coffee grounds. he raises an eyebrow as a nonverbal go on.

“so, uh,” yoongi starts strong, the butterflies back and in full force. he didn’t expect this to be so hard. “would you, maybe, want to go out with me sometime?”

jeongguk’s eyebrows raise, almost comically if in different circumstances, and he nearly drops the measuring cup he’s holding. yoongi swallows thickly, and his hand subconsciously goes to scratch the back of his neck.

“with you?” jeongguk asks in disbelief, and yoongi interprets jeongguk’s facial expression as complete and utter disgust, and winces. yoongi looks down at the stone tiles. “of c-”

yoongi finishes that sentence in his head with “-ourse not”, and he dashes out of the cafe doors, face burning and heart sinking, espresso long forgotten.

-

yoongi doesn’t go to the coffee shop for a while.

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a/n: hello lovelies! i hope you enjoyed the fic so far, i wrote it mainly for self indulgence bc im a slut for yoonkook (oops) and also bc i had a random spurt of “oh wow i haven’t written for fun in years lets try writing fluff”.

-tea 🍵

©bobabangtean