#reread it all those months later just to experience it again

[sinclarify]

anyways it's been five days since i bought the secret history and i have 58 pages left and ummmm. what does one do with their life after finishing it. i think i went through it too fast because its all been over too fast and????? what do i do once its done??? die???

[vinelark]

in return for the fic recs i got last month, here are a few fics i read recently that i want to absolutely yell about from the rooftops:

Iron, Fire, Mirror-Glass by PurpleSoot: an early batman days AU where, while slowly healing from a spine-shattering injury, bruce finds an old book about the fae. in a fit of desperation he attempts a Summoning to try to heal his spine. enter: robin.

this story is fantastic—the kind of longfic with a plot so good and satisfying that finishing it leaves you on a reading high for at least a week. one of the best early days bruce fics i’ve ever read, with honorable mentions to excellent alfred and clark and jim and selina characterizations—but robin (dick) really takes the cake here. the balance of chilling, otherworldly, not-quite-human vs. playful, earnest, Still Just a Child…chef’s kiss. the way robin’s character arc drags bruce kicking and screaming through his own emotional growth is so well-paced and well-wrought that i already want to reread just so i can experience it again. this is one of those god-tier longfics that i can’t believe i got to read for free on the internet.

mid-reading testimonial:

The Lone Ranger Never Had to Deal with Bruce Wayne by @theskeptileptic: a tim-joins-the-family-early fic in which tim decides to do everyone (his parents) a solid by faking his own death and running away to canada, except his weirdo neighbor bruce wayne keeps butting in and messing up his plans.

this is one of the rare stories where tim doesn’t know batman’s identity yet, and even rarer stories where that somehow makes the whole thing even more compelling. this fic has two of my favorite things: small, lonely, moderately unhinged tim drake pov, and really good pangs—pangs that are expertly teased out through flashbacks that add context to the present action at exactly the right moments. also, a very fun cameo near the end. i had a blast reading this one, physically clutched my chest more than once, and am already looking forward to rereading.

mid-reading testimonial (feat. @cairoscene):

equivalent exchange by scribblemetimbers (wip): an au set during tim’s robin days in which tim discovers 1) crossroads demons are a thing and 2) people can make deals with them. deals that include bringing people back from the dead, so long as you’re willing to pay the price with your own life.

this fic is so…🤌‼️ it feels like everything i want in a fic so far, down to two incredibly specific concepts i love (bruce, in his grief, saying something harsh to robin!tim with disastrous consequences later + tim making a big secret sacrifice gambit) which are both done so so well, within a larger plot that is also done so so well. the way this fic cuts in and out of scenes at the exact right moments for max tension feels like a masterclass in causing me to tear my hair out (in the best way), and instead of assorted pangs reading it is just one big Pang. it currently leaves off on an agonizing cliffhanger but, again, in the best way. highly recommend. (thank you again @owlbats for the rec!)

exchange between me and my friend after i sent the link, which about sums it up:

and to cut this angst with some humor:

IRIS Log #1548 by @deadchannelradio: a night on patrol as recorded by the bats’ audio logs, centering around red hood getting flung into a ditch and everyone, eventually, getting home safe.

one of the top ten funniest things i’ve ever read—spiritually up there with send to all (and if you’ve seen my fic rec tag you’ll know what a compliment that is). this makes use of the audio log format SO well. the dialogue shines, the jokes land with excellent timing, and it moves at such a clip that it’s pretty much impossible to stop reading once you’ve started. every character shines in this, and i’ve randomly choked on laughter remembering the phrase ‘good god he got thrown like a corn hole beanbag’ like twenty times in the past few weeks.

mid-reading testimonial:

[merakiui]

oh my god… i just read ‘the most dangerous game’ on ao3 and while i was at the part of where jade pretends to be floyd while they… ya know 🥴

i was listening to phantom of the opera’s ‘medley : down once more / and track down this murderer’. and i just wanna you to know the heavenly experience i had cause OH MY LAWD

(~5:35 in the song, which is the duet/ trio between the phantom, raoul [love interest] and christine [main girl] )

and i LOVE how beautifully it connects. with reader’s confusion about their sudden flooding thoughts of jade. why they keep thinking about him even though they’re WITH floyd

while jade is going to the ‘point of no return,’ he literally cant go back. hes pretending to be his brother to 1. plant more jade shaped seeds in their head & 2. HES LITERALLY FUCKING THEM AS HIS BROTHER WHO HE KNOWS THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON. so yeah: he’s literally crossing the ‘point of no return,’ and he knows that. that this will either work out, or horrifically blow up in his face. but that’s only if you found out ☝️😲

my favorite part is that when christine sings about the ‘angel of music.’ the man [phantom] who was there in the shadows supporting her, yearning for her, loving her obsessively to the point it scared her (jade was much more discreet but that’s not the point)

a bit later in the song she sings ‘angel of music you have deceived me’ and i LOVE how it timed up when i read it. and she goes about how ‘she gave her mind blindly’

cause that’s EXACTLY what happened. jade played and deceived reader like she was a piece on a chess board. she literally let him into her mind because she wanted floyd so badly. he literally took over her mind as her thoughts slowly started contain less floyd and more of jade.

also, in the way he deceived her; jade never was going to help them with floyd, and made that ‘contract’ under false pretenses cause this was him making his attack. (ambush hunter, and you know that man was cooking shit up for months too, maybe it got sped up when reader wanted a job at monstro)

(this song also came again when reader and jade were in the ocean 🕺🏻💃🏻🕺🏻💃🏻 and ARGGHHH. i’m gonna lose my sanity im in love)

but also. the song before this is literally ‘the point of no return’ and reader the floyd part while listening to it was just spine chilling. but the icing on the cake for me was the medley 🤤

sorry for the long ask, but i just- i’m literally in love with your writing, the planning that goes into is just awe-inspiring. i love how you give us readers things at face value before revealing smthn HUGE but if you go back and reread you’re like ‘how the FUCK did i miss that’, or when everything gets packaged in a nice little bow (so coquette 🤭🎀)

any ways, just wanted to share this with you! keep up the great work‼️ (i’m foaming at the mouth for more jade)

:O :O :O :O !!!!!!!! AAAAAA THAT SONG AND THOSE MOMENTS FROM IT CONNECT SO PERFECTLY..... "plant more Jade-shaped seeds" omg that's so true. >_< he really did surpass the point of no return in that scene just to ensure you slowly but surely thought less of Floyd and more of him throughout the time you spend together. It was so high-stakes, too. Either it works wonderfully or, as you noted, it completely blows up in his face.

And you're right!!! Jade was never going to help you get closer with Floyd. He was willing to entertain and enable your obsession, but that's as much as he'll do. He's just in it for his own benefits and to hopefully twist your perception so that you might fall for him instead. He really was cooking that plan up months in advance. T^T what an evil eel... I love the Phantom of the Opera and its soundtrack,, <3 your ask reminded me of just how brilliant it is!!!! I need to listen to all of the songs again. >w<

Thank you for reading and enjoying tmdg!!!!! I'm happy you like the way I write. One of my favorite things to do is write scenes in which you can glean new information after a reread. >:D there are so many tiny details sewn into tmdg and topped off with a pretty bow!! Very coquette indeed!!!! (˘ ˘ ˘)💖

[reorientation]

Stream post lesbian! I'm gonna use 🩵 to identify myself if that's not taken!

I know most girls on this app create end goals for edging, but I haven't. I don't know if I'll ever want to orgasm of my own choice again, the only orgasms I desire are the ones Men choose to give me to prove how little of a lesbian I've become.

It's actually melting my brain how you managed to guess my favorite way to edge, by reminding myself that my orgasms mean nothing, do nothing besides maybe make my holes tighter for a Man.

But a Man's orgasms create life, they do what our bodies are meant to. Breed. A Man's orgasm keeps argumentative, angry dykes like me docile and subservient. I truly believe if a Man came inside of me it would make me more submissive, why wouldn't it?

You're right.

I could've gone to any of my lesbian friends, any of the women who I know have been lesbians for over a decade. I could've been given reassurance about my lesbian identity and could've tried (maybe successfully for once) to separate myself from this.

But instead I went to a Man, a Man I knew would tell me that the best option is to keep rubbing myself thinking about cocks. A Man I knew would want to rape my virgin holes until they were molded to His cock. A Man who would give me my first orgasms to ruin me for any women ever again, then just as quickly take them away to show me my place beneath Him.

In all honesty, I've never orgasmed from penetration before and for the first time in months I decided to use my dildo (using it makes me too cock addicted and I wanted to pretend I wasn't) and reading that ask almost made me cum, I hadn't touched my clit in a few minutes, just the feeling of even a fake cock inside of me almost made me ruin all of my progress.

That's how much control Men have over me, my body is being completely rewired to feel pleasure I never have before, and I'm not sure if I'm desperate for more, or terrified of it.

I hope those women weren't expecting me to ever get back to them, because I may become a true cockslut sooner than later at the rate I'm dropping.

- 🩵

(Previously, and I probably should create an ID + tag post for my anons, given the little harem I've been accumulating.)

It's cute how easy it is to melt your brain, little dyke. Do you think you're the first girl to edge to the thought that orgasms weren't meant for you? To the knowledge that it's yet another of the fundamental asymmetries between men and women - that men create life through their pleasure, and women create life through their pain?

It's not hard for me to guess what makes that confused little brain of yours light up, especially once you've been edging a while: it makes you brainless, which makes you latch on to the very easiest things to grasp. Like the fact that women were made for men's orgasms, not their own.

Do you know how many stories I've heard about lifelong lesbians having men come inside of them for the first time? What a transcendent experience it is? You're right that a man's cum would tame you, though you're already getting pretty tame without it. A girl like you is meant to spread her legs and be domesticated - calmed by a man's cum until she's a happy little breeder.

It's good you're learning that. It's good that you're edging to my words - and that you're fucking yourself to them, conditioning yourself with the feeling of your pussy being full. It's good that you're rewiring yourself to seek servitude and men's pleasure.

And your next step is to give me something I want.

Use that dildo again. Fuck yourself with it while rereading what I've told you. Think about me spreading you open, filling you, claiming you with the orgasms that I'm meant to have and you aren't.

And come on it. Come with my permission, at my direction. Come hard, knowing that you won't be having another orgasm until a man tells you to, or one fills you with his cock. Come like a good girl, and let your identity melt away.

[andromedasummer]

Over a third of the way through The Whispering Skull heres my current thoughts

- If I were Lockwood and Lucy I would be a little bit mad about George missing the whole "area theyre searching was an execution ground for criminals" thing but also I feel like it's the first clear sign we get that something is off with George. Like hes burnt out. Hes tired. Hes just a teenager. They all are and theyre working adult jobs and literally dont have the capacity or past experience to communicate with one another. Very realistic for teenagers.

- I love Kipps so much I love how full of himself he is I love how pathetic he comes across even when he gets the upper hand I cannot wait to see him and his team get cut down to size.

- That being said I would have thrown down then and there had I been struck with a Mag Flare like that. better ways to go about ghosts, its dangerous as shit, badly damaged L&C's clothes and perfectly shows that the Fitts agency arent really trained in a people-first way. The way they put pressure on their teams to secure a source above all and encourage hostility towards other agents.... Super telling about management and an early warning sign to me. Esp with what we know happens to Ned Shaw (which i'll have a lot to say about later when it happens) and Kat, Bobby and Kipps v trauma.

- I liked Joplin a lot when I read the books as a kid + my reread 2 years back but now... idk. Too reckless, esp with how he treats ghosts when in the company of teenagers and children. Hate how comfortable all the adults in this world are about putting children at risk. They really treat them as a resource or rather than anything else.

- The skull is such a fucking shit stirrer which again makes so much damn sense when you learn hes a teenager whose been stuck with no one to talk to in a jar for like a hundred+ years. Of course you're trying to push apart Lockwood and Lucy. You are a fucked up ex-cultist teenage boy who finally found someone to talk to and are perpetually stuck in your teenage brain and hormones. You are So Jealous.

- Lucy, George and Lockwoods argument about the Georges recklessness and then The Skull seeding distrust again drives home my point about communication but also Christ these kids need more friends. Their entire childhood and teen years are stripped from them. They have no family to talk to or guide them. No non-work friends their age to vent to. Immense trauma and no one to help them through it.

- Jonathan Stroud give me a follow up series following the team in their mid twenties coping with having their lives dedicated to a job they literally cannot do anymore and the repercussions of no education and no safety nets for agents once they reach adulthood. What do they do? Where do they work? Where do they go? How do they afford to live? What happens to agents who only built relationships with coworkers they cant even face because of trauma? Agents disconnected with their families? Nightwatch kids whose education was ruined because their days were spent recovering from their shifts? I need to know.

- Okay back to the book the ghost cult stuff hits so much harder in a post-covid world. I was there getting harassed by anti vaxxers when they invaded parliament for a month and it ended in violence. of course in times of fear people become vulnerable to misinformation. You Are Not Immune To Cults. Or Propaganda. Again, spin-off following the people who try to fight those who profit off of peoples fear and build wealth and followings off of it. Theres so much interesting stuff in this world I want to explore.

- Kipps and Lockwoods teams having to work together bcos of Barnes is so good. I love Kipps team so much I love seeing them

- Kat Godwin is autistic and I know this. Because I am Autistic. Also she comes off as someone who has shut down to everything around her because, again. trauma of her work. at 16 theres no way she hasnt been through something similar to Lucy or Lockwood. I'm sad we see less of her after book three. same with Bobby.

- Now I want to write a hyper empathetic autistic lucy/low empathy autistic kat fic where they both realize they have a lot in common with their Talents and work and bond it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want to see more of Kat

- A LSO i need lucy to have more female friends for the love of god i understand this is your pick me phase of your teens but it makes me so sad to see your internalized misogyny even though it ABSOLUTELY makes sense for her character and is so common for teen girls like her but the way she talks about sensitives and every other female operative she meets. girl. who are you trying to impress rn. you dont need to.

- Ned Shaw getting the shit kicked out of him by Lockwood DESERVED.

- I love this little nightwatch boy who helps the team with all my heart. what is his name. my son. hes such a little cunt.

- FLO TIME FLO TIME i am so excited to see Flo you people DO NOT UNDERSTAND shes so fucking cool mudlarkers are so fucking cool fuck you if you hate flo this is a flo bones appreciation zone

- obligatory "i miss holly" comment even though. she hasnt been introduced yet and wont be until the next book. i love gay people okay.

- Anyway I'm enjoying this a lot I said TWS isnt my fav book (mostly the stuff later on in the book isn't as compelling to me) but this stuff at the start rules. I didn't expect to write so much. Im having so much fun.

[bunny-hoodlum]

#20, 33, 34, and 35 please!!

Sorry this is late! Wanted to think about my answers more, but I forgot to even read the original questions this whole time, so I def' didn't get to think about my answers, whups. 😅

Thank you for ask, @dayseternal-blog!! 🥰

How do you approach action sequences or intense moments?

I haven't written anything action, it makes me cringe because I don't think I know what I'm doing, but I read that short sentences are best for this and I would agree. Choppy, curt sentences would give that sense of blow for blow feeling that action needs, and it would give the sense of it happening seconds of each other, or even simultaneously. I would probably look for an action scene to copy tbh, and try to write the choreography in a choppy way. Emotionally intense moments can be the same, I suppose. Idk what I do personally, I think I'm an Intuitive writer. Once I'm in the emotion of the scene or character, I just go for it and my heart beats really fast usually and it's wrenching and it's awesome and then it just exists and it feels right. (Until I reread it a month or so later. 🙈 Jk, time isn't the problem, my inconsistent headspace is. 🤭)

How do you incorporate world-building elements into your fics?

So, at this point and as you know, I'm veryyyyy comfortable writing my modern AUs as if they were based in Japan. Even though I don't think Konoha could feasibly be as big as Tokyo with the size of Hi no Kuni, I just write it as if it is. 😅 I pull from the real world to some extent, usually Uzushio is a mix of Okinawa and Taiwan, but I also have some AU where it's pretty damn impoverished, so it's going to be a mix of Macau and Haiti. Sometimes Suna is a mix of Macau and Vegas, haha. I guess Dubai and Macau would probably be more... unique. 🤔 I focus on food and architecture more than deeper things like politics and style of governance and whatnot, because my characters only experience those things passively as ordinary citizens do. Whenever I get back to Powerless, the shady secret government program plotline will actually matter more than Slice of Life stuff, so in that instance I will have to map out history, organizations and their affiliations, how secret programs are run, etc. It just depends on what my story needs. Usually backstory kind of comes to me on its own and that informs me of the world. Can't really think of anything else. 🤔 Making things familiar is the main aim every time, though. Dango to a Japanese is like sugar-cinnamon pretzels to us in the US or whatever, it's a familiar snack you can get pretty easily. That's the kind of immersion I try to keep in mind.

Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learning along the way that you'd like to share?

Proofread before posting. Proofread again when you wake up the next day after posting. You'll always miss something, but give yourself the first week to catch all the typos you might've missed. 😂

I guess I recommend reading your dialogue aloud? Maybe your whole fic? My inner monologue is pretty damn loud, so I like to trust my word flow is good because I'm practically reading it aloud in my head. I recommend letting characters interrupt each other. Unless perhaps both parties are really solemn about getting to the bottom of the issue or respect each other or both, that neither interrupts the other, but their emotions would be raging to speak up in the midst of all that patience. Figure out your own writing process. If outlining sucks out the fun, try writing the whole thing without guidance but be sure to analyze the story's direction with what you produce. I recommend the flashlight method for pantsers like myself, there are other methods as well, but a little organization goes a long way. I lastly recommend the "One Stop for Writers" site, their Emotion Thesaurus is such an amazing tool. When you just need to reference things quickly, it's very robust.

What do you enjoy the most about being a fic writer?

Between the community aspect and kind of being known for certain things, I think those are pretty even. I enjoy the act of creation and all that, but having something I experienced along the way and having the pride of it being mine is pretty damn cool. And the community makes that feeling even better.

[tiptapricot]

Ok ok finally MacKay issue 21 thoughts. This is somewhat of a rant/ramble/drawn out analysis and summary created as I did a reread, so it’s a bit rough as far as flow of ideas go but I hope it’s interesting to y’all. But TLDR: MacKay dug into a truly essential aspect of his cast this issue, AKA, who they are outside of business, what living means to them, and how trauma affects and is shown in them all, and I’m excited to see that trend hopefully continue.

First off, I feel like I remember noticing it in the past but only solidly realized that Reese has a nose piercing when looking over this issue again. I think her design has been wonderful to see evolve, from the recent hairstyle change to locs to just her solid almost punk-ish style in general. Her dress and moon shoulder things are gorgeous this issue, and overall her styling is just a really nice visual way to give a vibe for her as a person.

And of course! First issue from her point of view. I hadn’t realized how much we had been needing that. It’s been so many issues now from Marc’s point of view or the system’s in general, that getting another one from the Midnight Mission crew feels refreshing. It allows us a look into Reese as a person again, instead of her just being part of the job or the system’s friend.

And that seems to be the focal point of the beginning here, of taking characters outside of where we’ve seen them. It’s been months, maybe almost a year that they’ve been working together, and Reese is only just now getting Soldier to loosen up and go out. She’s having to give him a crash course on how to be a person, both in the social and vampire sense. She makes him fill up on blood because she knows the rules and how it works, but MacKay also shows us it’s not just natural, they can still taste the blood, they don’t like it. Vampirism is not benign and in the background it’s front and center and constantly there to remind them what they aren’t.

But even then… they still have friends. Or Reese does at least.

I love Teddy and Shannon’s intro, because it helps to retroactively show us that Reese isn’t isolated. She’s been going out and making friends with other vampires. It’s domestic and human and normal, Teddy joking with the Draculads and Draculadies greeting (a line I just think is super fun and sweet), and Shannon wrapping Reese up in a hug. Reese has connections even when separated from humanity, friends and colleagues and people struggling with the same thing she is.

I wonder if Shannon and Teddy were vampires she met after being turned, ones who taught her the ropes, or if they were friends before hand, all getting turned in the same kind of nabbing. We get a line later about stuff they used to do “before” and how they’re just now getting back into it, but it’s unclear if they were friends and all turned to vampires, or just had similar outings. Either way, how those connections were formed opens up a lot of possibility into the world of shared trauma and experience, into finding your community and your people and moving forward with each other.

It also highlights how much of an outsider Soldier is in all this. Teddy and Shannon know him, he knows them, they’ve probably exchanged brief words when Reese has gone out with them in the past, maybe even tried to goad him into coming along, but it’s not his friend group. It’s a bit awkward. Soldier is trying but even at the start he’s confused, but they’re bringing him into the fold because it’s what he needs, and they care about him.

Then of course!! Jake! He immediately comes in with a big smile, and nicknames, and his face visible, calling them kiddos and picking them up like a chaperone to prom. Since these few pages were the preview, they’ve already been talked about a lot, but it’s deserved. MacKay nails Jake so well. He’s personable and goofy and has the warm vibe of an uncle and an old friend. He clashes slightly with Soldier’s formal vibe, again highlighting the out of place-ness Soldier has in normal friend and social interactions. Jake isn’t a boss, this isn’t a mission, Jake is for the people and they’re going out to dance!

It’s just a lovely display of Jake’s role and vibe and the relationships that have been building. Jake calls Marc and Steven the boys and slightly teases them on how they worry about mission things, once again showcasing the central focus of this issue of duty vs life, the job vs the people. And of course, all his lines are just delightful.

There’s also more hints and foreshadowing in the car ride of the overall plot we may be seeing, references to whether or not Zodiac is pulling strings again, what his influence may be in all of this. It’s a new mystery we’re being led into, and I’m excited for it.

The art on the drive is also gorgeous, the squeak of the tires the lights blurring, the city coming into view. Rosenberg, the colorist, always does an amazing job, and Cappuccio’s art (while I don’t always love how he does faces or proportions) captures movement and texture so well.

And then there’s the club scene. Jake drops them off, using his connections to get special treatment for those he cares about (and people in the line are mad about it), and then assuages Marc’s worries about having what they need (which obvs comes back later). You can tell Marc is hovering close to front because of how on edge he’s been, something I’ll touch on in a further scene.

Reese’s narration mixed with the visuals here makes for such a wonderfully tactile experience for the heightened senses of a vampire. We get to see her joy, the almost overwhelm of sensation but also how visceral and filled with life it makes the experience. The line that really gets me is “…I had to remind myself to breathe so I could talk.” It nails not just the breathless feeling of community but also the breathless feeling of being dead, the normal impulses of a body that now have to be a conscious effort.

And then Soldier.

We cut to him and his face is uncomfortable, he’s shrunken, slow, reserved. He looks out of place and it’s obvious he feels out of place, that he’s unsure and confused and doesn’t know how this works and is aware he doesn’t. There’s been an underlying current to everything of his inability to separate himself from his duties, from being the tool for something, that’s been present throughout the whole run but was especially highlighted during the end of the Structure arc, and is brought back again here. Reese even states this, states how she’s seen his patterns grow, how she doesn’t even know his name. He’s just Soldier. He’s just a soldier. But she won’t let that stand. Her smile is bright and she shoves him and teases him because he is her friend and they are still people and still get to have fun. He gets to have fun. The entire exchange about who’s in charge, and seeing a small smile grow on Soldier’s face as he finally gets into it just showcases something so special and sweet about the ways these characters exist outside of the fights and searches we’ve mainly seen them in.

This progression… it makes me so happy. (ID in ALT)

They’re friends having fun, getting out of their shell, living an unlife and losing themselves in it together.

But it doesn’t last, because for those involved in moon knight business, life gets taken over by the job, almost like it can’t be escaped. I think it’s also important to note the fact that when Reese pauses and looks concerned, Soldier immediately thinks he’s doing something wrong, that he’s doing the social activity wrong and she’s upset with him about it. There’s a lot of bigger and smaller ties into how he views himself and life, how he’s been conditioned to be a certain way an has to work to let himself go.

Reese’s immediate honing in on something being off and the way her face falls is also crushing. Even trying to be human again, even being just people, they can’t escape their hyper vigilance, the way their senses are tuned for threats and able to pick up on things others don’t. She even says it. “We had been made, or remade, to hunt and kill at night. So even across the warehouse, even through the dark and the lights, I could see him. I could see what he was doing.”

And they can’t do anything. They can know something is going to happen but not what, they’re helpless to wait to react because they have to know what they’re reacting to. And then the chaos hits and it’s mission mode. Solider pushes Reese out of the way and the glass crashes down as Marc breaks in and normalcy and an attempt at it is shattered.

And as with the rest of this run, colors work to highlight this. The pink of the club becomes tinted red by violence when the mind control audio hits, and the cool blue of moon knight cuts through to handle it. The colors are gorgeous and contrasting and show the moods of the scene and the people involved, the water on the wound.

And of course, Marc was standing by. What Jake references in the trunk had to be the suit, because Marc’s also the uncle, the watchful leader worried about the young adults he’s pulled into his crazy shit. He’s the parent walking you home from work and parked outside as you close up shop. Protection is a love language for him and it’s also compulsory. If you’re in his group you are in his group and he would fucking die for you. Normalcy scares Marc and yet he craves it, because it is both harder to control, but desires deeply. Reese and Soldier and their friends go out scared him, and he had to watch, especially after losing so many close to him so quickly in the previous issues. Just like them he’s also on watch, hyper aware, only able to act when something has happened to stop.

But Reese is right that it can’t all be rage. The people are innocent and their violence isn’t the root of the problem it’s the sound. And continuing with brute force is only going to cause further issues. Reese knows vampirism she’s lived vampirism and she doesn’t want to hurt people. We see it at the start with telling Soldier to top off and here knowing that spilled blood could send them into danger, make them a threat.

And so what does she do? When there is a threat that’s disrupted normalcy and a problem that’s hard to combat and rage may only bring more pain?

She dissociates. Physically.

It’s easy to, when it’s needed, when it’s the necessity, but pulling things together, making things work, living with what you’re able to and need to do and not just letting things drift and become chaotic, it takes effort and grounding.

And that’s… well that’s very similar to what Marc’s arc has been. Very similar to mental dissociation. It’s easy for him to try and ignore his problems, to brute force his way through them and separate himself from them, but making things work, maintaining system communication and balance, not letting him and his headmates get distanced and striated from each other, not losing hold of themselves, is hard. It takes work and practice and intention, not just what feels easiest.

And there’s also that tie between vampirism and trauma, between the way Reese has dealt with her stuff representing healthy and routine coping, versus Soldier and Marc still struggling with that. They struggle with working with what they have and both knowing it’s there, but not letting it take over or define everything. The hyper vigilance, the fear of worse happening, the self isolation and the push away from what they're experiencing because there is "shame" (other headmates, having to drink blood for safety). They’ve all been through a lot and lost people and lost themselves, and they’re working on it in different ways.

And also. Well Reese turning into smoke/mist looks super fucking cool.

And she’s not perfect! She falls mid air and doesn’t quite tackle the villain but she still ends the immediate problem. And then she gets shot. She’s fine but it still hurts. Small victories can still be rough, working towards something better can still sting.

It also sets up this arc’s conflict well. Our main characters are immune to these sounds, because they’ve been alienated from people as a whole and as a concept, even if at their core they’re still human, and that grants a separateness from the threat of being forced to lose control. But if it’s experimentation, if someone is behind the scenes pulling the strings and trying to cause conflict, how long will that safety last? Trauma can in some ways grant an awareness of threats that works as a heads up or a numbing agent, but that doesn’t mean it’s a shield. There can be cracks and people can still get in, and the hurt still happens.

They may be safe for now, but will it be that way always? Will the mission really be forever, not allowing for a break, not allowing for a breather?

This issue was from Reese’s perspective, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it shows some of the most normal activity we’ve seen in the entire series. Her lens on life is different from the others, she’s found ways to work on healing, to not be trapped in one place, and as such her story gives us a view outside of direct missions, to other places of town and other joys. It contrasts against Marc, to the story we’ve been told thus far mainly from his perspective.

So to the previous to questions, no, it won’t. For both. The cast can’t escape their situation, they have to deal with it and confront themselves and what happens, but it also isn’t everything. There are people besides them to connect with, moments of downtime, lives to live that are not defined by a midnight mission that stretches into dawn.

It may just be a while until they’re really able to rest their feet.

(And on a side note, this can all be applied even to members not in this issue, to Steven, to Badr, both dealing with trying to make things work via logic and faith, working to make things work, to do a duty. Is Badr immune like the system? How will his changing views on the world and Khonshu and relationships play into a plot revolving around enemies being created even from people you love? The cast has been working to build up relationships and trust for so long and this, I assume, will be testing that. And it seems like next issue Greer will be involved as well, based on the cover, so we’ll see how other characters are further affected (-: )

[constantineshots]

hey f slur post anon again.

okay I understand what you mean now - I think your thoughts on that are really interesting!

I think probably at the time they didn't tintend to say that John himself was explicitly queer, but they definitely did intend to comment on homophobia.

It's really interesting to me how John was queer-coded before Smith canonised his bisexuality.

Reading later comics, I often feel like there was more to show his bisexuality before it was canon than after (in the hellblazer comics at least).

Delano and the artists in those books really put a lot of queer coding in.

If we imagine an alternate history where that "boyfriends" line was never written, you could say that the version of John portrayed at the time was a man who was not (necesarily) queer himself, but who was the type of man who is victimized by homophobia as someone who is percieved 'not masculine enough' by heteropatriachal society.

This relates to his punk background. Subcultures often deliberately subvert traditional heteropatriarchal norms, and therefore are criticised for non-conformism.

Queer people are victims of this same system which demonises those who refuse to conform.

I think that's what they were going for at the time. I think they also wanted to criticise homophobia as part of the political messaging throughout the comics.

They show John witnessing and experiencing homophobic violence as a way to criticise it. However, the queer coding of the character's style and experiences made him ripe to be read as a queer character.

And Smith confirmed it! Personally I think that makes these themes cut deeper in retrospect. When we know that John is a queer man, I think the homophobia of the world reads as more dangerous and impactful.

yeah, that's a good point too- the political messaging throughout the series is very prominent, so i wouldn't be surprised if those panels were designed to call light to it. this was also probably one of the few instances in hellblazer itself ( though! we do see a lot of homophobia in lucifer as well, starting right from the beginning issues. not relevant here exactly, but something to note in relation to vertigo not being afraid to delve into these topics ) where we see homophobic tones prior to john's confirmed bisexuality.

this turned out being a lot longer than i intended.

there is more homophobia explored- in the horrorist, which i believe was also written by delano- in reference to john as well. john doesn't explicitly say he's bisexual, but the comments he makes in retort ( for example, "you don't know where my mouth's been" and so on, in his own style ) suggest that he is. though the horrorist was written after the confirmation of his bisexuality, so i like to think that john's always meant to be queer-coded regardless.

with john being who he is and having the history he does, i think he was always queer-coded. it's just that some writers didn't have the guts in the rest of the series to explore it, or that when it was explored, it was... not in the best light. at all.

then, in the new 52, we do explore more of his relationships with men- and i do think there is this misconception where you have to date someone of the opposing gender on screen or you're just straight when it comes to bi people and people also like their biphobia, but that won't be talked about here- but some people have noted that, in one run, john was drawn as more "twinkish" ( the people who dislike the run's words, but i can say he doesn't really give that rugged look ) and some people found it off-putting. i'll reread the run and explore that, but there is that. and at one point, someone decided to write in that john had a crush on dick grayson. then there was the joke relationship between him and king shark- and i could go on.

i think as dc handles his character more in the light of "look, representation" whenever pride month rolls around then shoves him in zatanna's direction the whole time- again, not that there is anything wrong about a bisexual person dating someone ( or whatever it is with zatanna. i'm so confused. just let her date wonder woman and be done with this back and forth. ) of the opposite gender, but it's more what dc is trying to sell him as and then not doing it in the long run. it doesn't make much sense to me, where they play this "see? look! he's not straight, he'll date this guy" as if dating a guy has to prove that he's bisexual, but they killed off oliver ( i believe his name was? ) and then after that... we're stuck with the fact they can't write him right in general. there's no political undertones. there isn't much reference to any homophobia that he might face- he's a political character, and politically, if they're cramming him in the united states to work with the jld, they could explore that more. but they don't.

sure, hellblazer didn't have. much. on his bisexuality, but at least it was referenced. there's a newer run of hellblazer where he mentions having an ex boyfriend who was mute, i believe, and that's how he learned some of his sign language. and otherwise, john is single the whole run. i don't have a problem with john being single. but in most dc-aligned run, there's some need for him to have a romance, but they won't touch on anything regarding his bisexuality. there is nothing political underneath his character at all. they don't really explore homophobia- not that they have to, exactly, but john's a political character and now he's been deprived of that.

this is a long rant i am so sorry. point is, yes, i agree with what you are saying and it's a wonderful point to make, and it is SUCH a shame that this is something that is integral to john's character as a whole and not one person who currently works for dc comics at this very moment will explore this. let me work for dc comics. please.

[quill-of-thoth]

Letters from Watson: The Dying Detective

Crimes in context:

Medical History Sorry in advance for the medical grossness. Please skip to the cut if you never want to see the words open sores ever again. First, to piece together Culverton Smith's crimes against humanity and also the murder. Culverton Smith appears to have gone to Sumatra to make a living planting, with the labor primarily done by indentured servants or low wage workers, possibly slaves, from the local population. (I say slaves because although slavery was not officially legal in England or it's colonies at this time, there have been historically a lot of situations that are essentially slavery with some thin veneer of justification, especially when you're occupying a country, and you can make any law you want about requiring people to work for you for nothing, or the next thing to nothing.) To top this off, he was either experimenting on these workers with his favorite tropical disease, or using them to incubate it so that he could keep a stock of the infectious material on hand.

This is how Smallpox stock used to be carried overseas: A chain of people would be infected with a diluted or weakened virus. When one person's symptoms would start to wane, the fluids from their open sore would be transferred via a cut in the skin to the next person in line, who would carry the infection until they began to recover. In the transfer of smallpox for the purposes of creating vaccinations and inoculations, these were volunteers. The carriers also benefitted in many cases from being inoculated in the process, since these cases of smallpox were milder than the wild variants, and being a carrier would give you about the same immunity as an inoculation of the day. Now, we have refrigeration, glycerol stocks, the ability to use only portions of viruses (usually the proteins in their outer shell) in vaccines and most importantly, sterile fucking needles. I will never be leaving this century, even though we do have covid. All this to say that Culverton Smith can rot in hell, but I also wanted to cover Watson: why did he write this case up?

Watson's Writing

For those of you who have made it this far into my reread without knowing what is to come: The Final Problem, in which Holmes dies, will occur in April of 1891. All Holmes short stories, and the remaining two novels, were published after this date. Presuming that my date of 1890 is correct for this story (which we can, and will, revisit later as it was NOT my initial impression of the timeline), we can presume that Watson had reasons for not publishing it in his initial collection of 24 short stories, likely grief. Thinking back on this time would have been extremely painful from a variety of directions: as the months go on and on he's further convinced that Holmes is not faking it this time, and Watson probably desperately wished that he was.

Then too, despite the fact that Watson closes the story abruptly without describing his emotions at Holmes' deception, we can deduce them. He's insulted - despite Holmes' words that he never doubted his professional abilities, just his ability to lie, Holmes still disparaged him. He's angry - Holmes has shut him out of his plans and made him believe for the better part of three or four hours that he was about to lose his best friend. He's frustrated because despite the illness being an act Holmes is still harming himself with his denial of his body's limits, i.e. that a human can die if they're dehydrated for three days, and also his casual use of poisons. Belladonna, it turns out, is not good for your eyes, which is why we don't use it anymore, aside from the hideous toxicity.

Watson has been a prop in Holmes' stagings of case conclusions before, but there's a vast difference between being framed for breaking a bowl and playing along, and being deceived, berated, insulted, and isolated to ensure that you play the part correctly. There is a definite possibility that they did have a fight over this - even Baring-Gould's timeline has a gap of over a month between this and the next recorded case. It isn't an unusual amount of time, as no doubt Holmes did not always have cases that were cinematic enough to make the cut, and also Watson had a business and a household to attend to, but it's enough time for them to pointedly not see each other, and for Watson to forgive him and come around for a post Christmas visit.

Ask a microbiologist: WTF is Smith doing with his jars of bacteria?

Hello Tumblr, I grow germs for a living. And based on the description of Smith's lab / study I have a few questions, namely, how is he storing his bacteria? Based on the jars and bottles that he refers to as his "prisons" he's keeping them at uncontrolled room temperature. This probably tracks with best practice at this time, as refrigeration was based on putting things in a box with ice, and iirc although bacteria were known to be the drivers of spoilage, the idea that they would grow, and die, slower at lower temperatures was not part of professional microbiology at the time. Also based on Smith's own words, he's storing the bacterial colonies in agar, which matches with modern methods... sort of. Agar is solid at room temperature, and when it's liquid (at about 100 Celsius), it's too hot for most bacteria to survive in. This is important because the description of these jars and bottles appears to imply that they are filled with solidified agar, and there's really no reason Smith needs a full jar of solid agar to keep his bacteria in: when we keep bacteria in a liquid it's called a broth and does not have agar in it, because we want it to remain a liquid. Yes, Smith could be doing a fairly standard setup where he pours a quarter inch of agar into a vessel and, when the agar is solid, "plates" bacteria on top of it. The description does not unambiguously rule it out. But if he's trying to preserve his bacteria by entombing them in solid agar, and then melting the agar to retrieve them, it's a lot funnier. Mostly because it would mean that his pet bioweapon from Sumatra isn't viable anymore.

[hrodvitnon]

Had a thought for the Abraxasverse GxK timeline setup:

Why Goji is so determined to evolve/his experience in the Titan War.

Basically taking the Raymond Martin idea of him trying to fight titans and adding to it with him deliberately provoking Titans into doing shit like Scylla did. And Godzilla constantly having to confront these rampaging titans, not knowing why they’re going nuts, but doing his best to deal with them nonlethally. It’s tough, but he manages it. Even amongst those who would rather just kill him, like Amhuluk.

Until he hears it. The pulse. The cry from deep below. And he remembers how eons ago he had just barely managed to corner the mad king within the Hollow Earth. How he’d fought down to the last man, watching his many allies, even his dear friend Anguirus, fall to the madness of the Skarred One. He was desperate. He was tired. Defeat seemed inevitable. Until he saw it. A crystal, hung from the tip of the mad monarch’s whip. A crystal from his brothers mate who had disappeared all those years ago. The bastard had taken her. And done heaven knows what to her. And now he adorned a piece of her as a trophy. With fury like that of the death of a thousand suns, he charged forward. Mindless, mad, angry. Summoning all his will and power, he unleashed a blast which obliterated the surrounding ground, forcing the apes to retreat. As they grew closer and closer to their home, he finally managed to block the one pathway that could lead them back to the rest of the Hollow Earth. But it was, ironically enough, a hollow victory. His friends were slaughtered and he had only stalled the mad Titan and his army, not eliminated them. Ozymandias would’ve been able to finish it, he told himself.

Feeling that pulse for the first time since that fateful battle sent him into a frenzy. When he first felt it, he thought he was going senile. Even still, it sent him in a rage, maiming poor Scylla in Rome. She had just managed to survive, but it was not for lack of trying on his part. He’d lost control. A rest was what he needed, he thought. After all, he’d been dealing with rampaging titans for months. Monster X and Mothra had helped, but it was still something he felt was his duty. But as he tried to sleep, to block out all the memories that were flooding back, he felt it again. And for perhaps the first time since the Many had ravaged the world seven years prior, he felt true fear. Like he was well and truly alone, even amongst every other voice in the infinite sea. He had barely been strong enough last time, hell, he hadn’t been strong enough last time. He’d gotten lucky. He was weak, a shadow of the king he should be. He couldn’t do it again. He had more allies now, sure, he’d only manage to rally together a few loyal friends the first time, young and inexperienced king that he was. Now he had his queen, the young hybrid, and most of the awakened titans under his command. He probably could even get help from the young rival who had helped him defeat his mechanical mirror some years back. It would take some maneuvering, but he probably could convince him.

But it wasn’t worth it. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t lose all those he loved all over again. Even if his queen could come back, the others couldn’t, and despite what it may seem he had grown fond of them all. No, he needed to do something different this time. It was time to feast. If the Skarred One wanted war, then he would be an army.

-

-

Just some thoughts cause I’m rereading Shamhat and getting ideas. Plus the current GxK brainrot lives rent free so I might as well put it to use. Might have some more “how could X work in the Abraxasverse” ideas later, though I promise they won’t be as fuxked as Godzooky’s was 😅

Definitely an interesting take and something to consider when it comes time for more timeline stuff! And honestly, stuff getting fucked up is on brand for AbraxasVerse, heh.

[blurbry]

Rambles

Rambling Day 1:    AO3 WARNING!!!! LONG POST AHEAD!            FIRST BULLET POINT!: I have a Pseud now. For when I have the feeling or need to write *EHEM* fics. However I Most likely won’t go into too much detail as said things actually make me flushed sometimes.(While I’m Not repulsed or uncomfortable talking about it or writing about it, I just thought I’d touch on the fact that I’m still experimenting with sexuality and am not too sure if I’m actually asexual or not.) A small warning, It may contain oc x character shippings, not just head-cannoned shippings.  I will most likely not post them Publicly as most of them would be physically for me to reread and improve my writing skills, rather than to cause discourse with one who may be Uncomfortably settled with such a subject.  Even if I do Post them Publicly on tumblr, They’ll be tagged Respectively and placed on a Main blog and art blog separate blog. still so the tag can be blocked and ignored. Tumblr added nsfw Content filters for the reasons sole for you to be able to browse your content without being hit in the face with a discomforting subject.   SECOND BULLET POINT!: I’m rewriting all my old fics.  Those of you who followed my AO3, whether you ended up there through lost in dysphoria, or perhaps you were there from my very first fic Broken Glass Shattered Spirits, You’ll notice they’ve all been deleted (except for the ones I’m particularly proud of.) This is because I’m freshly applying a new coat of paint!!  Rather than a baby tiny 1000 word fic, There will be more words, more filler text to make it more interesting. More Development in situations rather than a Rushed feeling of Needing to get this out. While doin so will take me a few months, due to having the most ADHD brain in my family, I assure you when a project has been begun it hasn’t been forgotten, it’s just been pressed aside for a later date. All I ask is Im not rushed or demanded to write faster, because that’s what leads to my sloppy 1000 word writing. Schedule for writings:    Begin Lost Family Au Writing and Master Explanation. Lost Family: An Au I Made which is a Link Separate Au. All the links have tragic Life stories about Siblings or parents or how their lifestyles effect them, Leading up to the events of the Four swords being pulled, and the four meeting each other. IN this AU, the swords are four elemental blades locked deep within Temple systems, that each of the four are called to pull when the time is right.  Begin Raptured Hyrule: Raptured Hyrule is another AU I began working on in 2021 with my friends, and finally decided to publicize in 2022. This AU is if darkness was never fended, and in a way, if Zelda was corrupted by dark cloud rather than killed. It’s very angsty........     Rewrite dancing in the starlight(bluexErune) so its less short and develops more to the relationships. Dancing Scene will still apply.     Rewrite Bluebird(Blue x Vio) Blue at war, Vio is a damsel in distress waiting for him to come home, only having letters and little embroideries and crochet projects to litter the house with.     Rewrite Broken Glass Shattered spirit.(Vidow) Vio is ignoring Shadow for deep studies, Shadow goes off to find something interesting to do and has a run in with a few threatening old friends. Rewrite Angels Flying High, Originally this fic was a RedxShadow Pure angst where Red Died, and Shadow destroyed the mirror a second time just so he could get that final ounce of happiness with him. However, I’m going to change its full aspect and Make it Angel!Red Au. It will still be Shadow x Red. Rewrite Sunsets and Lavender tea (Blue x Shadow) Poor Blue is suffering nightmarish trauma from being frozen alive and Shadow is there to help *cool~* his spirits (I’ll go back in the bad berry corner again) Rewrite Darkness Within: Green/Red Corruptive AU. At a last ditch effort to save the dying light that Red brought to the world, Green performs a dangerous and irrational ritual which results in Red becoming a creature of darkness. At first Red is weary, and its oh so torturous trying to tango with such a creature when He can only come out during the hours that one needs to sleep, but its so worth it when people suddenly become less afraid of Shadow because of Red’s doings. (Look lorulians can be nice people too, don’t fight me ) Rewrite: Everything is okay (Vidow Angst) Vio sustains injuries on the battle field by a mob of Moblins, Blue took his eyes of his back for only a second, only to turn and watch him be run through with a lizzal spear. Blue has a panic attack, He promised Shadow he’d make sure vio came home unharmed.. Vio almost dies, but miraculously was saved by a fairy and a very, Very upset travelling shadow.  These will not be redone in the exact ordering of this post.    

[fangirleaconmigo]

heya -

you did a four character game back in like, october, and what you wrote hit me so hard that i sometimes still visit the post/screenshot i have of it if i’m feeling particularly. sad. it’s one of the most important things anyone has ever said to me and you literally don’t know anything about me but it’s cool. and then at the end of my feels i always look at the tags you left , uh ,, ‘sorry im fully drunk right now’ and that is so goddamn funny. you suck. anyway i just looked at the screenshot again & thought maybe i should tell you. i had tony stark, sherlock, lambert, & iroh

Hello! Ok. I’ve read your ask a few times and I’m not completely sure how you feel about me because tone on the internet is hard. It seems like you like visiting the post but then you say that I suck so I’m not 100% sure 😅

So I am just gonna plow ahead and tell you how I feel about those posts. For those reading who weren’t following then or don’t remember, almost six months ago I posted this:

Ok, how about this game? Send me four pics of your favorite blorbos and I will psychoanalyze you.

Here’s how it works:

Send four pics

I need to know at least three of them. If it is live action scifi and fantasy, I’m very likely to know them. (If you want to do animated, I won’t know them unless it’s ATLA, Arcane, or Castlevania. I won’t know any video games other than The Witcher.)

I will psychoanalyze you.

This is for entertainment and fun. I am not a psychologist.

i might be too close for comfort. I might be incorrect. Pls pls pls don’t be mad. I don’t know you. This is just for fun.

I’ll do this til tomorrow.

Send me your blorbos.

I think waaaaaaaay too deeply about fiction, as anyone who follows me knows. I also think a whole lot about psychology and human behavior. That’s been more for my own survival.

So I thought hey this will be fun. I’ll look at the characters. I’ll find a common thread of emotional impact each of these characters can have on people. I’ll find a common point of emotional connection between them all. Then I’ll free flow.

And on one hand it was fun. I really do like doing it.

But on the other hand I started getting really really anxious every time I answered one. What if I missed the mark and offended the asker? Or worse? What if I hit too close to home and made them feel too vulnerable?

I know it’s just fictional characters and I was clear that it was for fun and I tried to come from a place of affection and positive uplifting thoughts for each person.

BUT STILL I didn’t know how I was making each person feel and that was freaking me out because what if I was making them feel bad?? (I often worry about the way I make people feel on the internet. I can’t see you guys so I don’t know how I’m making you feel so I get neurotic about it.) and not everyone responded to my answer and so ofc I just worried twice as hard when that happened.

So I have actually a lot of those asks left sitting unanswered in my ask box. It was really popular. People sent me asks who didn’t follow me, so even though people didn’t all rb their posts, it somehow broke containment (people were maybe sharing in dms or discord?) and I got a lot of them. But at some point my worry and anxiety about it stopped me finishing answering them. And now it’s six months later and I don’t know what to do with the posts I still haven’t answered. Would it be weirder to answer them or not answer them?

Anyway. Back to your post.

Everything I answer and put out there is with love even when inebriated and overly honest. And I just went back and reread my answer to you and went yep. That’s still what I see as the connective tissue between those characters. I hope on the balance it was a positive experience for you.

[hepatosaurus]

2022 AO3 Wrapped!

Last year, inspired by some people on discord, I decided to actually track my fic reading for once. I’ve been logging my books and movies for a good 20 years now, so why not try that with fic? I hoped it might help me comment more too, or at least get a sort of baseline number that I could improve on. So, after crunching the numbers: I read 110 fics and 1,188,700 words across 15 fandoms (...more on that last point later)! It was a fun experiment that I’ll definitely do again, with some tweaks. Please forgive any weird numbers/percentages; I haven’t taken a math class in manymany years, and it probably (definitely?) shows. The vibes are accurate, at least.

(I posted an earlier (and shorter) version of this on twitter, but wanted to archive it here too for posterity’s sake because...twitter.)

Word count

This is about what I expected, though I was surprised to see that I only read one 50-100k fic (only one 100k+ fic too, but that doesn’t surprise me at all). I finished up a couple long(er) fic in January (notably, one 200k+ fic), hence the high numbers there, and only read one (1!) fic in July, which explains those low numbers. Otherwise I generally read between 50-100k total per month.

More details behind the cut, aka god damn girl, you sure know what you like and stick with it, huh. (I really hope this text cut works...)

Top Fandoms

So, about those 15 fandoms. I really did think I might have more variety back in January - like maybe I’d be able to chart fandom trends over the months, something like that! - but lol nope. My FE3H fixation is still going strong, three years later. I’ll get to those Witch Hat Atelier and Stranger Things fics in my Marked for Later pile...eventually.

Top Authors

110 fics, 80 authors! There were definitely some repeat offenders: merionettes! desmodus! notallbees! printers_devil! epistrophic! nebulia! No names in the pie chart, but look at those pretty colors. You're all stars.

Top Pairings

No real surprises here. I’ve been in sylvix hell since early 2020 so I knew they’d dominate, but there’s an okay showing from...other Sylvain ships...and gen! and Claude ships! Hi Claude! (Graph cuts off at 20 for my sanity.)

Top Characters

Ha. ha ha ha ha ha ha. Surprise! Listen: I knew Sylvain would be #1, I’m not an idiot. However I did NOT realize he featured in 60% of the fic I read in 2022, jeeeesus christ man. (He’s versatile, okay!!!) Chief Blorbo aside, my Blue Lions/Golden Deer bias persists. Maybe in 2023 I'll read all those Black Eagles fics I saved? Or fic from other fandoms?? (Again, chart cut off at 20 for sanity.)

Tags, Tropes, and Ratings

Looks like I sure read a lot of horny post-canon friends-to-lovers get-together fics with a good dose of pining, huh. That...tracks. Regarding AUs, modern AUs won (14.8%), followed by college/university, canon divergent, and modern with magic. Also fun: figure skating! magical girls! rock band! time loops!

I definitely need to rethink how I track nsfw content though - it’s very inconsistent and redundant here, and doesn’t really tell me anything. The explicit rating is self explanatory, but what’s the deal with those different NSFW and smut numbers? Where did I draw the line? It probably make more sense to scrap the latter tag and just track PWPs.

Etc: Commenting, Rereading, Reccing, and Bookmarks

Commenting: I mentioned earlier that I hoped logging my fic reading would help me comment more, or at least find out how frequently I leave comments, and turns out that number is 46/110, or 41.8%. (Mer reminded me that this number does NOT include alpha reader comments, which is very true. ✨⛸️) Not bad, but I think 50% (or more?) is definitely doable next year. This whole practice really did help me comment more - it made me stop and think about exactly what I did or didn’t like about each fic I read, from <1k vignettes to 200k+ canon retellings. Obviously I’m not telling the authors what I didn’t like, but as for the good stuff...like, I found a lot of compliments hidden in the Comments/Notes field of my spreadsheet that never actually made it to a proper comment, but they definitely could have. I’m never gonna be a person who comments on everything, and I’m NOT going to lie and tell an author that I liked their fic when I really...didn’t? but: 50%. I think I can do that.

(also I cannot emphasize enough how great it was to have a completely private space to bitch about terrible (or not-so-terrible) fanfic. does this fic use too many repetitive epithets? does that author NOT understand Character Y at ALL? was the resolution to this otherwise decent fic just a liiiittle too rushed? tell it to the google form!!! A+ would recommend.)

Rereads: As expected! I don’t reread a ton, with some exceptions. (Honestly a lot of my non-FE fics this year were rereads of old favorites.)

Bookmarks: Without double-checking, I think I bookmarked fewer fics compared to previous years, mostly because I was already keeping track of them in my spreadsheet. I’d like to get a little better at consciously bookmarking fic going forward, though - it’s really handy to have a public, easily accessible list of my faves. (I also say this as someone who frequently raids the public bookmarks of other commenters/authors/etc.)

Recs: 46.4% “yes”! interesting. Only one hard no, and that was partially my fault for not reading tags/warnings correctly.

In an ideal world I’d have some actual fic recs here too, but that...did not happen.

Overall!

This was a fun and very satisfying experiment, especially as someone who loves tracking things. I know a lot of people hate the idea of having an actual/official AO3 Wrapped, and honestly I wouldn’t like that either, but it was fun to actively (and manually) subject myself to this particular Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known Through Fanfic Tropes. I DO think it made me read fic a little more...deliberately? And therefore I read a little less fic than normal, maybe. I noticed that I hardly dropped any fic at all, either because I was more picky with what I read or I just powered through, and I don’t think that was the case in previous years. There was also a tiny bit of pressure at the beginning to start off the year with the “right” fic. Like, “oh god is my first fic of the year seriously going to be this unfinished 2nd person, woke-up-with-the-wrong-junk CYOA in which Claude and Lorenz investigate fuckplants and discover the true meaning of friendship.” (for the record, it was not my first fic of the year, but I DO recommend it.)

God this is long. One benefit of twitter is that it doesn’t allow me to ramble on like this, but oh well, that’s what you get. I really, really hope the cut tag worked.

[jeanjauthor]

There are so many good ones in this list...

Grabbing the exact number in a handful is unbelievably useful, especially if you're going into construction (nails, screws, nuts, bolts), food service (even portions of food, presuming this works when you wear one of those food handling gloves), or pharmacy work (filling prescription orders).

Knowing exactly what time it will begin raining in the immediate area that day is very useful for water collection systems, such as rooftop water collection, so you know how much time you have before you have to clean out the first flush diverter cachement from the last rainstorm's runoff. It can increase the chances of making sure enough water is caught/cached for irrigation needs. You can predict when a river will rise to flood stage when a storm system is about to dump even more water into an already overloaded riverbed, etc, etc, etc.

Once a week, you can feed yourself or someone else. (Hopefully with a gluten-free option for those who cannot consume wheat, or options for other such allergens/issues.) It's just one person, but it's still incredibly powerful, because sometimes people are in desperate need of just 1 meal.

Cats. 'Nuff said. (Yes I know I didn't pick this one, no I am not ill in any way; I just think I'd rather have the cats come to me, is all.)

...I have severe arachnophobia, but I suppose it'd be super nice to be trustworthy if you're an arachnologist, studying spiders professionally.

Emitting the scent of any flower at will can help bring joy to the blind, lift the spirits of someone stuck in an antiseptic-cleaner-reeking hospital room, give someone a scented experience without risking pollen-based allergies, and more.

...I cannot crack my knuckles, it freaks me out, and I know it doesn't hurt your joints too much--and yes, I know it can alleviate suffering for some people--but if your finger joints light up for 1 minute, you will never have to worry about being completely lost in the dark ever again. So that's actually pretty cool & useful. (Far more so imho than the spider trustworthiness power if you're not someone who studies spiders, arthropods, etc.)

You never stub your toe again is the most underrated minor superpower. My little pinky toe has a black toenail because of not having this superpower...and it's been months since I stubbed it. Highly underrated superpower. Almost picked this one.

I know a LOT of people will go for the "erase your memory of a book so you can reread it for the first time again" and I totally respect that...but...I love being able to think back and remember a book that I've ready, and then if I re-read it, i can remember certain things from later in the book that I suddenly realize were foreshadow-hinted-at earlier in the book, and that's a great feeling, enjoying the author's cleverness. If my memory is erased, I don't get to have that feeling, and that's kinda sad for me. But for others, completely valid and I support it.

Beaming a catchy pop song into someone's head...I almost picked this one. There are so many evil people worldwide I would absolutely plague with this...but in the end I decided not to go that route. (Also didn't pick it because unless it's like just think of them and beam it to them without needing line-of-sight or whatever...well, I don't have direct access to any of the people who do disserve to be earwormed into a huddled mess.)

I picked the count fish in a body of water route. I wouldn't go on the water very often because I easily get motion sickness, but it would be highly useful to biologists and environmentalists, especially if I could tell what kind of fish in which numbers. Look at it, write it all down, move on to the next inlet, lake, or stream. Very environmentally practical, doesn't harm anybody, and it doesn't involve my phobia.

Changing eye color would be great for people who do a lot of acting or a lot of (especially face) modeling, but who cannot wear contacts. Yeah yeah, getting away with crimes, thwarting facial recognition software, blah blah blah...nah, let's go kind and practical. Perfect for modeling and acting.

[droughtofapathy]

One and five for On A Bright Cloud Of Music, Shall We Fly?

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

It was just over two years ago at the end of April, and I'd come off a thirteen-Broadway show month (that was back when thirteen shows a month was a lot for me instead of standard operating procedure). I was full of art and somehow I came up with this little idea of having a Gilded Age modern AU with Sylvia as a famous fashion designer and Aurora as a newly-destitute employee. But I had so much going on at the time, so I put the idea up on a shelf and didn't give it a second thought.

Cut to about three weeks later where Donna Murphy attended the Downton Abbey premiere in this outfit:

I swooned. And then I knew I had to have a modern Lina Astor on red carpets in gorgeous outfits designed by her famous wife. But again, timing. No time to think, no time to plan.

A week later, I sit down and start typing with only the barest concept. It was just supposed to be a short little story. Maybe 15-20k, surely, right? Right? No. In one day, I had ten-thousand words. And from there, it just kept spiraling. I knew I wanted certain moments, but how I'd get there, heaven only knew. By the end of that first day, I had a 4k outline, and assumed it would be about as long as "Getting to Know You." In those early days, I did a lot of no-context scene explanation to a friend over discord.

Five days after starting, I had over 50k written and had gone down several strange rabbit holes, and there was just more and more to say. Scrolling through the discord, I'm realizing I just did a lot of summarizing for my friend (who just kind of let me ramble and never acknowledged most of it, which works for us).

Before the first three weeks were out, I had over 130k and things still kept happening. Meanwhile, the theatre world was feeding me real-time inspiration because Kelli O'Hara was just everywhere (as per usual) and then on June 14th, it was announced that Donna Murphy would make her triumphant return to the stage in Dear World the following year. And I just about fell apart. The euphoria I experienced fueled my writing spiral for weeks. In all, it was about eight weeks, including an editing period (lackluster, as you can imagine if you know my whole deal with not editing), 221k and the kind of manic creativity I can never hope to replicate.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The whirlwind experience was extremely fast, and I cannot recall any difficulties. I never had a moment where I suddenly ran out of steam or couldn't figure out how to get from point a to b. I just...I flew. I basked in the the freedom I'd created by making this a contemporary piece and changing all the rules. I didn't have to follow any canon constraints or unfamiliar time period. I just did it.

I have not reread this particular piece in over a year because I know in my heart of hearts that I could make it better now. I've had two years of upward improvement in writing, as one does, and I don't want to go back to potential disappointment. But this exists in a specific context and time, and I don't rewrite.

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

Light From Uncommon Stars, February Again

This is it. What do I even talk about first?

Mr. Tso appeared last month as the main benefactor of the competition, alongside Tremon Philippe. I really shouldn't be surprised he has a formal, wealthy, human persona to put on. What persona, that really is just him minus the human part. Tso stands as something of a counterpoint to Tremon's wealth-seeking though. How can I even describe him, he's one of those complicated movements Shizuka was talking about last time. He has some semblance of an altruistic side, mired under the facets that are necessary to become wealthy in the first place. But then he walks into the backstage rooms to greet the players and...

I feel like in my life I've noticed that the rich are often just as "depraved" as the masses they pretend to be above, if not more so. The difference is that they have the privilege of being able to be demure about it. His hands-on experience with Katrina in the room is so... riddled with emotions. Conflicting ones in instants. It's more of a reminder to Katrina about her own body, it's the way Tso's preferences aren't known to the public and thusly do not define him. Frankly it's the way these sorts of things go, receiving a key card and a number and all of a sudden understanding the price of admission.

Nothing is emotionally simple in this arc. How could it possibly be when everything in the song has been building to these moments? Sonata for Solo Violin, by Bartok, performed by Katrina Nguyen.

What initially drives her to the cursed dogwood bow was simple. To save Shizuka, as much as Miss Satomi attempted to save Katrina by not giving it to her. Each one loves the other's song too much to let it die out, sees it as something worth their being to preserve. So I think that it's fitting that Katrina, here, takes up Shizuka's best lessons about owning a stage. Captivating her audience, not with flashy tricks or a moment's affection but with her entire being.

Everything comes out in this song, for these minutes it is hers and hers alone. There's only darkness outside of her, and so she makes them listen. It really is the terror of loving who you are. Moon above I love that phrase as it's used here. There is nothing so frightful to people as someone who won't silence themselves to placate others.

The anger at oneself of having done nothing but that until this point.

The plaintive wish for what could have— no. Should have been but wasn't.

I've reread this song over and over again. I definitely cried for it too. I mean, like with the rest of this book, how can I not see my own hollow spaces here? Each time I was neglected or abused or exploited or had nowhere to go, all because I'm a queer woman. But I don't resonate with it only because I'm queer. I feel it because Miss Aoki has written a character, and presented all of her to the point where I could do nothing but see her and relate to her. Crying for words on a page really is the most human thing of all, I think.

But Shizuka is still on Hell's chopping block. I'll have words about the little trick Lan and her pulled later, but for now I would say that Shizuka would have been on the block regardless. Tremon Philippe couldn't fulfill his contract with Katrina as he worded it. He promised an audience of no more judging, no more looks from the audience, no more being an other.

But Katrina put all her "otherness" into her Bartok performance. She made it so that this part of her was an inescapable facet of herself and her performance. They could not listen without knowing. Not even directly her queerness, but of the hollows her life in its entirety made in her.

That does leave Shizuka, who leaves us with a song she learned from Katrina. The one she penned for the Competition but went unused. It was for Shizuka herself, all along, of course. It was learning that you could get something out of life without destroying something else. Someone else's dreams or trust. Maybe learning her song isn't the only one that matters, and after so long of aching to be heard again she realized she had closed up more than she cared to.

Then, the book ends strangely. Where is Lan and the rest of the Tran family in all this? And why, oh why, is Shizuka still alive after what would have been such a poetic ending?

Shizuka escapes the clutches of Hell with the help of the Tran family. An invigorated Lan who realizes her purpose in building the stargate, a family who just wants Lan to finally be happy. It's a discordant note, an off play, a sudden silly fiddling at the end of an emotional, drawn out soliloquy. And I adore it.

Bartok's Sonata is not an easy piece to listen to. It's somewhat discordant and it really does sound like a sick man writing out fits of final agonies at times. And written for violin when the man was known for piano. What a strange note to end a career and a life on.

Maybe I'm a poetic sucker, but because of that, I don't think an ending about blasting into space through a donut with your purple, lesbian lover is anything but fitting. If anything it's just more proving of my point about Tremon Philippe earlier. Space is too big and too grand a purpose for him to reach his hands into. I suppose I could also say something about how learning and love are the best cures to damning yourself for your mistakes.

Lan was always a space captain. She can't sit and do nothing while the Endplague rages on. But it's only with Shizuka's music that she really found her drive again, this sense of wonder to simply communicate with other people. She's starting to understand the song, the importance of doing things for herself and her soul and how that can carry to others in turn. I think it's that part that finally allowed her to pursue her own goal. Seeing her family nearly break under the weight of empty commands of survival, and then comparing it to the lives they each cultivated on our blue marble is like night and day. Their own songs, found with the help of Katrina and Shizuka.

And now they're carrying that forward into the stars. Moon above what a cheesy ending. I adore it and-

We started with a runaway Katrina. We learned about the runaway Tran family. And now we end with another runaway in Shizuka.

But this time, one with hope to play for the stars.