#repost because the old one formatted weird

[cherishedpngs]

baking pngs- like or reblog if you use ☆

[vividraft]

non-working makeup wipes

⇢ ˗ˏˋ gn!reader x xiao

⇢ ˗ˏˋ summary: you were supposed to do xiaos makeup, but the closeness left xiao a little too flustered

⇢ ˗ˏˋ important notes: this is a repost from my old account (@/rainstops)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ a/n: this is probably one of my oldest posts ever, since its also from my old wattpad account, so the formatting and writing and wording is all veeerrryyy weird...

old post masterlist tba !

The theater club was playing a traditional play at a school festival for the first time ever. The preparations were going great and still, the director of the club was stressing all the members of the club.

You weren't a part of the club, but you were close friends with the person who played the main role - Yun Jin. You were just supposed to hold a speech for the audience right before the play, and you were sitting outside, behind the school building, trying to remember your text, but Yun Jin was texting you the whole time, telling you about how annoying the director was and so on. You still had about an hour left before the play and the whole festival in general, started but your school was already filling with people. Thinking about having to hold a speech in front of all these people, was making you incredibly nervous.

But you knew you weren't the only nervous person here.

You gave that a thought. Everyone was stressed and nervous. Especially the people that were supposed to go on stage in an hour. All the people you heard from today were nervous. Especially your friend Lisa, who has spent the last two nights sleepless, trying to improve her make up skills since she was the one who was supposed to do everyone's make up for the traditional play. And everyone had to wear makeup for this play. You tried telling her to go to sleep because it could also interfere with her way of doing make up, but she refused to.

You had to smile thinking about it. It was incredible since she was usually the sleepiest person alive. You were seriously worried that she was going to fall asleep while doing make up too.

Suddenly you got a call. It was Yun Jin.

„Yun Jin you know I'm busy with my text-„,you tried to explain.

„Y/N it's an emergency! Lisa fell asleep and we can't wake her!! How can she fall asleep during her break! And me and Xiao still didn't get out makeup done", she cut you off.

„But what am I supposed to do about it?!", you asked.

„Y/N I know that Lisa told you all about how to do this traditional make up style. We can provide you with pictures and everything but please! You have to help us finish the makeup look!! Our director is going crazy!", she shouted into the phone.

„But Yun-„, you tried to argue but she cut you off again.

„No Y/N please come now!", Yun Jin exclaimed and hung up.

Guess you had no other option than to take a look at the problem.

-

You arrived backstage with a worried looking Yun Jin, a thrice as stressed director as you imagined, and a pretty calm but still annoyed looking Xiao.

„Okay, I'm here", You said.

„Thank god Y/N! Here's the makeup, please just do this, we have about 40 minutes left only!", Yun Jin acknowledged and pushed you into a chair next to a bunch of makeup, as she sat down in front of you.

She knew exactly how to do the make up too, since she's watched Lisa do it for the past 30 minutes. She moved her head accordingly to where it had to be for the next step of applying the makeup. She also reminded you what to do when you forgot a thing or two. The most part of the make up was about the eyes. There was barely any blush or lipstick in the make up style. Yun Jin cooperated really well and you were able to finish the make up quite fast. Xiao was now the only one without the needed makeup. He sat down in front of you, and you immediately started giving his eyes the main color. The eyeshadow was easy to do and to blend out, but your biggest struggle has always been eyeliner. Yun Jin's eyeliner looked quite good so you figured it shouldn't be too hard on Xiao's eyes either. That would've been the case if he hadn't turned his head half away.

„Xiao can you look at me please?", you asked.

He didn't give your wanted reaction though. He only looked at you with his yellow eyes. Not turning his head whatsoever.

You sighed, knowing that there's almost no time left, and you still had to finish this, so you just took his chin between your thumb and index finger, and turned his head towards you. You didn't notice it at first, but his cheeks turned red. Redder than they were supposed to be. After you finished applying his eyeliner, you noticed it.

„Oh your cheeks are quite red... did I apply too much blush...?", you considered while Xiao's eyes were closed and brows were furrowed.

„I'm just gonna wipe it off with a makeup wipe", you added, still holding his chin.

You took a makeup wipe and tried wiping the blush off Xiao's face. That didn't work.

„Weird... it's not coming off. Shit what do I do the play is about to start in 15 minutes... uhhh"

Xiao suddenly took your wrist and removed your hand from his chin. He turned his head away. That's when you noticed that the „blush" was slowly „coming off".

You obviously realized why his face was so red a minute ago.

„So it wasn't make up...", you stated and also had a light pink touch on your face.

„Well then your makeup should be done..!", you added and got up. You were ashamed since you tried rubbing off the natural redness off Xiao's face. You went to talk to Yun Jin. Who witnessed the whole thing with a smug smile on her face.

„Wipe that smile off your face or..."

„Or what? You're gonna wipe it off with a makeup wipe?", Yun Jin teased while your face turned visibly red. She knew that you had a „little" crush on Xiao for a while now.

„Cut it Yun Jin! I need to read my text one more time... the show's gonna in 10 minutes...", you turned away and walked off.

-

You held your speech and watched the play from the back. Still on your mind what happened right before all this...

After the play you hugged Yun Jin telling her how great she was playing the lead role and everything.

„You were awesome!! How are you so good at this!", You cheered.

„Thank you Y/N!", Yun Jin hugged you back.

„Wanna go get something to drink? I heard the cafeteria has something new only for this festival!", you requested.

„Oh my yes of course!... but first I think you should talk to a certain someone...", Yun Jin smirked.

„Yun Jin look if this about what happened before the play then-„, Yun Jin just shook her head and gave you a sign to turn around. You raised an eyebrow but didn't question it any further.

And there was Xiao, standing right behind you.

„Oh! Uh xiao what's-?",

„Meet in the cafeteria in an hour", was all he replied, before walking past you leaving you standing there with your mouth open speechless.

[stagehunt]

AUTHOR PORTRAIT ...

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, don't reblog.

Basics

NAME:        vos AGE:         23 PRONOUNS:         they/them YEARS OF WRITING:          that  definitely  depends  on  what  you  classify  as  writing  but  i  discovered  rp  as  a  concept  in  2010  which  was  probably  just  a  bit  after  i  got  into  writing  little  short  stories  and  things  as  a  kid.  i  was  writing  them  by  hand  in  a  little  notepad  that  somebody  in  my  family  handed  over  to  a  school  teacher,  extremely  mortifying  ordeal  to  me  at  the  time  lmfao       

Reflection

WHY DID YOU PICK UP WRITING?           i’m  pretty  sure  i  first  started  by  writing  shitty  warrior  cats  fanfics  actually,   and  i  didn’t  know  that  fics  or  fandom  in  general  was  even  a  thing  at  the  time  so  u  could  say  i  was  destined  for  this  sort  of  brainrot   fgdjkh   little  nine  year  old  me  also  encountered  rp  for  the  first  time  by  searching  for  warrior  cats  flash  games   (i guess??  idk  what  i  actually  thought  i’d  find)   and  instead  wound  up  on  some  random  webpage  with  a  chatbox.  moved  on  from  there  to  writing  awful,  horrible   (but  very  fun)   naruto  oc’s  on  a  website  that  i  think  was  called  chatango  some  years  later,   dabbled  a  little  on  imvu,   and  started  writing  on  tumblr  around  2015  iirc

DO YOU HAVE ANY WRITING ROUTINES?          i  wouldn’t  say  so?  sometimes  i’ll  listen  to  like…  instrumental  interludes  from  certain  albums  or  smth  that  i  won’t  enjoy  too  much  because  i  find  music  very  distracting,   not  just  for  writing  but  in  general,   and  sitting  in  silence  is  a  weird  feeling  to  me  too.  when  it  comes  to  other  things  i  need  a  podcast  or  video  essay  or  something  similar  to  be  at  all  productive  but  it’s  hard  to  focus  on  writing  with  someone  yapping  in  your  ear.  i  used  to  save  writing  for  nights even  when  i  have  free  time  throughout  the  day,   because  i  tend  to  feel  bad  about  sitting  at  a  computer  screen  all  day,   but  with  my  activity  in  its  current  state  i  have  to  sit  down  and  get  it  out  the  moment  inspiration  and  energy  align  themselves  for  me.    

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WRITING?         sorry  to  steal  your  answer  but  i  def  have  to  agree  with  what  layla  said  re  the  community  aspect  of  rp  actually.  it’s  so  nice  to  be  able  to  just  click  with  someone  over  a  shared   (sometimes  niche)   interest  and  love  for  certain  medias/characters/dynamics/genres  etc.  the  feeling  of  finding  someone  who  shares  your  vision.  and  also  stemming  from  the  same  thing,   i’ve  always  felt  that  my  favorite  and  most  “solid”  muses  are  the  ones  that  i’ve  gotten  the  chance  to  develop  alongside  another  through  plotting.  love  shared  canon,  love  affiliated  oc’s,  love  group  verses.  allllll  that  good  stuff.  

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING.         gonna  break  the  format  we’re  following  here  because  i  have  to  ramble  and  idk  how  to  break  all  this  into  three  titles,     so  obviously  being  succinct  isn’t  one  of  the  answers  here   kfdjghd

i  always  try  to  capture  a  different  flow  and  style   (???)   of  prose  depending  on  who  i’m  writing,   and  i’m  never  sure  if  that  really  comes  through  for  others  or  if  i  just  seem  inconsistent,   but  whenever  i  look  back  at  old  blogs  i  can  see  it  for  myself  and  that  at  least  keeps  me  content   :)   i  want  to  read  my  writing  back  and  feel  that  it  has  character  outside  of  just  the  spoken  dialogue.

i  like  to  spend  a  lot  of  time  with  a  piece  of  writing,   which  realistically  is  not  to  my  benefit  in  terms  of  activity,   but  i  do  just  really  enjoy  drafting  and  redrafting,   rearranging,   nitpicking  at  everything  until  it’s  as  close  to  being  what  i  want  to  be  as  i  can  get  it.  so  that’s  more  about  the  writing  process  than  the  writing  itself,   but  i  think  it’s  still  important  to  allow  myself  to  have  fun  with  it  fkjghd

pulling  a  blank  on  a  third  thing  bc  this  is  actually  a  really  difficult  question  but  i’ll  come  back  and  edit  it  later  if  something  pops  into  my  head  kfjgdh

A question for the next person

HAVE YOU MADE ANY STRONG  CONNECTIONS  /  FRIENDS DURING YOUR TIME WRITING?          for  sure.  one  of  my  dearest  friends  in  this  world  is  not  a  writer  but  someone  who  i  met  as  a  mutual  friend  of  my  first  rp  partner.  i’m  not  really  in  touch  with  that  person  who  introduced  us  anymore  but  i  simply  couldn’t  live  without  my  bestie  and  i  consider  writing  the  only  reason  we  really  met and she gets to kinda "beta" some of the things i do write   dfkgjhd   i’ve  also  traveled  to  the  states  a  couple  of  times  in  my  teens  to  meet  a  rp  buddy  who  i’ve  known  since  i  was  around   ,,   twelve  or  so  i  believe.  

wouldn’t  be  right  not  to  shout  out  @ohchosen  here  either  because  i  was  very  close  to  leaving  tumblr   (and  also  probably  rp)   for  good  when  we  became  friends,   and  writing/plotting  tmkz  together  has  been  one  of  the  best  experiences  i’ve  ever  had  on  this  website,   where  friends  and  mutuals  tend  to  come  and  go.  you  never  did.  you’re  probs  the  funniest  person  i’ve  ever  spoken  to,   craft  the  most  beautifully  written  responses  imaginable,   you  put  a  world  of  effort  into  developing  your  muses  and  you  let  me  derail  every  single  one  of  conversations  to  talk  about  music  instead   gfjhdg   sorry  i’m  so  mean  to  you.  ily  a  lot.

there’s  also  a  handful  of  mutuals  who  i  don’t  necessarily  talk  or  interact  with  very  much  anymore  but  have  been  around  for  years  at  this  point  and  i  have  fond  memories  with  too.  always  so  so  so  glad  to  see  you  pop  up  on  the  dash,  it  makes  me  smile  every  time  so  i’ll  use  this  as  an  opportunity  to  wave  at  you, you know who you are    <3

NEW QUESTION: where  do  you  draw  the  most  inspiration  from  when  writing?  music,   other  medias,   ur  fave  author,  a  dream  you  once  had  etc.

tagged by @oneireth tysm <3 tagging val take my love letter as ur tag, also hi @heliador @loetise @tiderider @yeonban @pearlcure @deathsmaidens @sungracd !!!!!

[minionresearch]

i appreciate the reblogging old posts but i am curious about the state of the minion meme economy 8 years on from 2015... is it still going? are new memes getting made, or are people just reposting ancient ones? is there even a market for them anymore, have the facebook moms moved onto something else?

Nice to hear you appreciate the old posts!

The short answer is that Minion memes are a rarer occurrence nowadays and I'd be surprised if people were still making new ones. I touched on this briefly a little while ago: ask

Essentially, they're outdated. Even if we could find a way to get Minion memes into video format or something, the ephemeral nature of memes today means it wouldn't have the same cultural impact.

Sometimes I stumble upon new stuff, but most of it has been lost because the pages closed down, so I can't even go back through old Facebook posts. Much of the content on this blog is one of the few, if not the only, remaining record of their existence.

Now, I think minionresearch is more about looking back on a small piece of weird internet culture. (And being silly)

[hellfirenacht]

Reader ==> Join a Cult?

Isekai Chronicles Master List

FIRST CHAPTER HERE >> START HERE <<FIRST CHAPTER

Chapter Summary: Summery: You're kind of weird, even for the freaks of Hawkins. Explain yourself.

Notes: This is reposted for formatting issues.

How the Hellfire club was allowed to light real candles in the prop department was a mystery to you, one that was clearly not OSHA compliant. It was stuffy in the room, the air a bit stale with the lack of proper windows or ventilation but no one else seemed bothered by that. Around you, everyone was talking and chatting with each other while Eddie finished setting up the table. 

He was picky about where everything went, you’d noticed. Eddie was lost in his own world as he consulted his notes, as well as Zack’s notes. You were starting to like Zack, he was the one who would often bring snacks and take notes of everything that Eddie would say during these sessions. Like everyone in Hellfire, he was intense but you were growing used to that. 

As you set your own stuff down by your chair, you caught Gareth's eye, and once again he seemed less than thrilled by your presence. You had no idea what his problem was, as you’d barely spoken to him in the few sessions that you had been with Hellfire. 

“What’s up?” you asked, meeting his eyes. If he was going to stare, he may as well speak. 

He shook his head and looked away. 

“Okay, good talk.” you said to yourself. “Let’s do that again soon.”

Dustin dropped down in the seat next to you, pulling out his own character sheet and pencil. He turned to you and handed over a sheet of paper with a few paragraphs scribbled on it in messy, barely legible handwriting. 

“I was thinking about what you said with how your old group played D&D.” He said as you took the paper. “So I thought about my own character and I also came up with a backstory for him.”

Your eyes lit up at that and you immediately looked over it. It wasn’t very in depth, but it was something. His character was a bard, the same class as you, with an ambiguous backstory where his bard was either already mad or just very good at pretending to be mad. It honestly fit in so well with the idea of a Cult worshiping a litch. Even just a few small paragraphs of backstory made your heart swell and for a moment you felt like you were back at home. 

“I based him kind of on Murdock from the A-Team.” Dustin explained. 

“Who?” You asked before even realizing about what you just said. 

“What do you mean ‘who’?” Ah, so Gareth WOULD speak to you now, when you had asked a stupid question. “Matt Murdock form The A-Team? You don’t know who that is?” 

Even this seemed to catch Eddie’s attention and all eyes were on you now. Dustin’s face was panic stricken, and he quickly looked at Mike for help as you scrambled to find an explanation on why you never seemed to have the best knowledge of pop culture around you. 

It’s not like you were completely clueless. You’d grown up with bits and pieces of the 80’s, but you were from a very long time from that. You knew about cultural touchstones, but the details of news, media, stars, and shows were outside of your wheelhouse. 

“I- well that’s because....” you trailed off. 

“She was home-schooled!” Dustin finally blurted out. 

You stared at him for a moment. Dustin Henderson was a goddamn genius. He’d just handed you the answer to most of your problems on a silver platter. 

Your shoulders relaxed and you did your best to look sheepish. “Alright, I guess the secret’s out. Yeah, I was home-schooled and wasn’t always allowed to watch tv or anything. Crazy religious parents and all that.”

“So you had weird religious parents, but you still played D&D?” Gareth asked, looking skeptical. 

“I never said they knew I played. I just said that I played.” you said, fidgeting with your mini-fig. “Once I turned 18, I was able to get away from home. So, there you go. There’s the big damn secret as to why I’m so weird.”

Eddie reached over and took your figure from you, setting it where it was supposed to go on the table. “So you snuck around your parents to play D&D?” There was an excited glint in his eyes that made your stomach twist. “Even with all the satanic panic bullshit that’s being fed to everyone?”

“Well, you see I was really looking forward to actually summoning demons and being possessed by the devil, but when I realized it was just a bunch of weirdos rolling dice to play make-believe I figured that was fine too.” Your joke was met with the sound of laughter at the table and Eddie’s grin widened. 

“You’re a real freak, you know that?” he asked. There was no higher compliment paid to you in the time that you had spent in this world. 

“I had my suspicions for a while.” you said. “I like this cult better though. Weirdly enough, you all are the least terrifying people in this town.”

“You were in a cult before?” Jeff asked. 

Mike and Dustin were giving you the ‘hey, you should shut up and keep it vague’ look. However, you were you, and shutting the fuck up was not really your strong suit. 

“I was home-schooled. Most people who were home-schooled are in some sort of religious cult.” You explained. “At least, in my home town they were. Can’t really say anything about other places. But yeah, just because it was vaguely Christian doesn’t mean it wasn’t a cult. I don’t like to get into it too much.” You somehow managed to cut yourself off before you started making up random rituals for your time ‘home-schooled’. 

At least this way, any gaps in your knowledge of this world could be easily explained away. Don’t know an actor? Home-schooled. Have weird expressions? Home-schooled. Something you DID know? Teenage rebellion and escaping the cult. 

You’d have to find a way to thank Dustin later. 

“No wonder you’re so weird.” Gareth muttered. 

“Yup, that tracks. Now are we gonna sit here and let me trauma dump about my tragic backstory, or are we going to infiltrate a cult? I came here to roll dice, and dammit I’m gonna roll dice today.” You slammed your pack of dice on the table. 

Satisfied, Eddie fell back on his throne, and there was a shift in the energy in the room as all eyes fell to him. In an instant he went from being Eddie ‘the Freak’ Munson, to Dungeon Master. Suddenly the stuffy room wasn't as uncomfortable, and the candles lit around the room seemed less concerning. How Eddie was able to command the table so easily was beyond you. For the next few hours, everything faded away; Hawkins, work, papers- none of that mattered now. 

It was just you, your dice and your party. And for now, that was enough. 

Tumblr User ==> Leave a Prompt

[meowsticmarvels]

hello mcsm community. this is a repost of a long ass twitter thread i made so i apologize in advance if its formatted weird (and sort of disorganized). but heres some of my Thoughts and analysis on radar. i have much more to say than just this of course but HERE WE GO! radar insaneposting tumblr edition. long post incoming (i worked very hard on this)

ANYWAYS!

- he idolizes the new order and puts them on a pedestal above himself a bit. i mean from some dialogue it's clear he doesn't have the highest opinion of himself but he treats the new order smiliarly to how they felt about the old order in thw wither storm arc

- i have mentioned this several times but the "prison radar" thing definitely comes across to me as him trying to overcompensate (and mimic those he sees as "strong" like petra and jack) sort of. like if you contextualise it with how a lot of the characters called him weak an episode prior and it definitely seemed to have an impact on him its like. yeah. especially being thrown into a situation like w/ the sunshine institute and the whole iron breathtaker thing that has Got to fuck you up. idk i jusy see a lot of people take that at face value like "oh look he's being silly" when it comes across to me as more like insecurity ig?

- hes so autism its unreal

but yeah the whole thing kinda fucks him up

ig the only thing thay kinda bothers me is that arc doesnt feel finished. and also jesse can ENCOURAGW him to act like someone hes not??? OH AND. id like to point out this thing also involves him trying to break his own strict patterns which is p interesting to me. by this i mean the "disregard my bedtime! break whatever rules I feel like! within reason!" he seems to feel that in order to become stronf he has to be like. less caring of the rules w/e but the "within reason" line and the fact that he dislikes things being disorganized still is like. he doesnt Want to act like this. he doesnt seem to like thag but he feels iys the only way he can be strong and adapt to such a lifethreatening situation (to act like someone he clearly isnt)

another point id like to make is his relationship with Stella. it isnt really explored past this one scene in episode 2 of s2 but god there's a lot to unpack here

"you'll never change" - has stella... always been like this?  even when radar worked under her (which HAS to be at least a year before s2 bc apparently he's been working for jesse for about a year)

 also she calls him a "quitter" which. 1. has a negative connotation meaning that she Does Not Approve of him leaving 2. implies he quit of his own accord. this isn't normal former boss/former employee interaction though something definitely happened. like theyre both Weirdly Hostile and this is never brought up again....... ehat happened.

also "he doesn't even know how to use a sword" this part stuck out to me but Considering this thing i noticed a few months ago about how the mcsm world is very. survival oriented and people who can slay powerful monsters (i.e. old order) are looked at with high respect. so basically she's calling him weak here which is. Huh. also "you don't know anything" girl what happened.... why does radar feel he has to prove himself like that...

"id be careful about counting on him for anything" what did she mean by this. did radar fuck up in some way unintentionally and it pissed stella off or something??? because something clearly happened and im very sad this is never explored further bc this is a fucking interesting plot point.

also. the last image...... this is so fucking interesting regarding radar as a character because it does actually provide context for the whole prison radar thing. like holy shit this says a lot. the first line kinda shows his insecurity already. he's aware people don't believe in him and think he's weak and a coward, but he's going to try anyway. he feels he has to prove himself kinda.. like "you'll see! i can do it watch!" and considering his behavior in this episode it shows. he's overcompensating for that fear and trying to prove that he can be enough to make a difference. especially shown by how he reacts when "Vos" tells him he's not up for the task. he's trying, it isn't enough, so he decides to mimic his heroes and pretend to be someone he isn't (which... unfortunately half the cast doesn't take seriously)

the second line proves my points more. "im not the person she thinks i am anymore" raises a lot of questions on what happened ofc but there's also the "I can be different. Braver. If that's what the situation requires... I'll do it." and guess what! he *does* do that! a combination of pressure from people telling him that he can't do it and he'd just get hurt in the process and is too weak and cowardly to really do much + the stress of the situations he's thrust into seems to sort of catalyze his decision to put on the "prison radar" persona and pretend to mimic his heroes and act strong to not only make a difference and mean something but also to survive The Horrors . but he doesn't want to do this, that isn't who he is as a person, moreso what he feels he has to do. also thinking of pne line where he says something abojt the "incredible misery in the world crushing down on you". like this is a random throwaway line?? clearly the entire situation of s2 is Getting to him but he never really gets to Express that

now ofc like i mentioned this arc is in no way perfect. it's fucking interesting but it feels unresolved and forgotten by episode 5 along with the other characters completely ignoring the fact that that isn't who he is along with jesse even praising that in some dialogue options. like the writing of this kinda confuses me because everything radar says and feels up to that point implies that it's a façade built to be what others want him to be and as a stress response but some later things kinda treat the way he acts as a Good Thing and like ???? like i get it if they wanted to do the "being more courageous" arc sure. fine. but this doesn't seem like it was simply written as that. he does Not usually act like how he does during the "prison radar" thing and its just never addressed. which fucks me up bc this is personally one of my favorite character arcs of mcsm due to how complicated and insane it is + hes one of my favorite characters ever and i relate to his issues a lot but instead thw writings kinda ????? but yeah. its always bothered me really but to be Fair mcsm was hit by a lot of budget cuts that affected the plot like dont even get me started on the scrapped assistant to the warden who sesms to be meant to be the antithesis to radar kind of... and im p sure some episodes had different writers. so yeah this sucks but it isnt gonna piss me off that bad I just wish his arc was handled a bit differently. might potentially write something or w/e about this but anyways if you read this entire thread 1. you're insane 2. we do a little trolling. follow me mcsm truthers

original tweet thread here: https://twitter.com/rival_trevor/status/1659130820999753730?s=20

[mirasources]

Currently, I'm getting ready to repost a bunch of old icons posts because:

A) They do not adhere to my current posting format B) One of them is a full tumblr post that you have to save icon by icon for.

And that's what I'm doing. That way, it fits all across the board and I don't have it all weird like it is now.

[unholyverse]

MYSPACE 1.0 THEME REFRESH (originally by conkersradfurday, refreshed by unholyverse)

live previews: 1, 2 / download (pastebin)

hi! i've been using this old theme for years now because other myspace themes don't hit the same, but i've been tweaking a lot of it for personal use. i think it's been long enough since this theme has been abandoned that i can upload something that can handle itself better on modern tumblr.

main features

asks are formatted to look like myspace comments. fun!

four custom links

myspace buttons to follow, message, or block the blog owner

a bunch of info spaces so the world can know what you're about

extra font options

functional search bar (but this is tumblr so...semi functional?)

that web 2.0 ugly goodness

other features + info below the cut

new features

friend space - ever wanna show off your friends? now you can with the friend space to show off your top 8 9 friends on your blog. don't have enough friends? no worries, you can always toggle it off

image space - wanna put a bunch of blinkies somewhere? you'll need to have a bit of html and css knowledge for it, but you can go into the code and add as many images as you'd like. just look for the section and start pasting those images. it's a little tedious but tbh that's just the authentic myspace experience isn't it? but if that's not your thing, you can also toggle it off too.

tweaked/deleted features

had to delete the music player :( sorry but it used flash and i'm not really sure how to make a music player in javascript yet

added username input because it was annoying me that your title could be your name and it didn't make sense in most cases

deleted infinite scroll because the script was super outdated

added the ability to change the "online now!" gif. the original gif will always be in the defaults of the code.

changed the text post header font to verdana because it was impact and you could not fucking read that and it wasn't accurate to a myspace bulletin anyways

deleted the feature that force showed all the pages you made on your blog. so annoying. it will look a little weird if you have asks/submissions deactivated, but i doubt many of you using the theme will have them closed anyways

changed the dead links to redirect to the actual myspace site

extra recommended add-ons

scm music player: a customizable music player with tons of different skins and tons of songs you're able to add

unblue polls by @glenthemes: what it says basically; allows you to customize the colors of tumblr polls on your blog

cursors-4u.com: i love these dinky little cursors they're so fun. great if you really wanna lean into the 2000s aspect of the theme

cursor sparkles: what else is there to say about this they're just fun

notes

i plan on updating the theme semi-regularly if bugs are brought up and stuff (which you can tell me through my inbox)

tip: if your sidebar photo and your quote and info aren't aligning well, try using as a line break in longer sections of text or changing the sidebar photo size from 200px to 180px

hopefully i can work on extra tweaks as time goes on (such as figuring out how to add a footer image to videos, toggle tags, etc)

don't repost/claim as your own because it already isn't mine in the first place

like/reblog if you use!

update log

added a tags toggle + tweaked the video post sizes

made the "is in your extended network" status customizable to add different text. feel free to tell the world how many gas station boner pills you took

added an official theme link

[bijectiveandinvertible]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Wanted to do this meme...

I guess I was tagged by @bleachbleachbleach.

If you write fics and see this post tag me and write your answers :D

Find out the answers below! Under the Read More :D :D

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 37 (30 written works + 7 artwork collection/standalones) all under bijectiveandinvertible.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

57,791… 0-0

3) What fandoms do you write for?

Primarily K Project. I have some fics in the Old Guard and Bleach fandom as well. 

4) Top 5 fics by kudos?

The Seireitei Zoo -> My decade long, Bleach crackfic where all the high ranking shinigami get turned into animals.

Bleach Fanart Collection -> This is like a sketchbook of comics/various artwork celebrating the Bleach TYBW anime. I am counting this as there are 3 fancomics in this collection.

Kiss and Makeup -> Aah… This one is my very popular Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara fic from 2014. It's in the K Project fandom.

Study of an oak tree/Graphite on Paper/14.8 x 21.0cm/Yusuf Al-Kaysani/2020 -> This extremely long titled fic is for the Old Guard (2020) fandom. It's part of the Art throughout the ages: Real and Imaginary collection that I have written.

Curling Toes -> My very very fluffy Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara fic. Another very very old fic.

5) Do you respond to comments?

Always. Usually as soon as I notice that I have a comment. 

Comments always inspire me to write/draw more. Especially when people comment on specific aspects of an artwork/fic.

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm…. I don’t really write angsty stuff. The closest is Ravenous Echos (My spooky, horror Bulbbul X The Old Guard Crossover fic). I would say the ending is more spine-chilling than angsty.

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write a lot of fluff so this one was tough. I would say Curling Toes is very very cute but since the pairing is very tragic/star-crossed if you think about the story beyond the scope of the fic it becomes extremely sad. I think my Untitled (Perfect Lovers)/Clocks, Paint on Wall/35.6 X 71.2 X 7 cm/Felix Gonzalez-Torres/1991 is happiest in terms of ending.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

When I was on FF.net I used to get flamed a lot for writing Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara. I actually ended up deleting a really cute fic because of it. I still have the fic just never reposted.

9) Do you write smut?

Fade to black scenes only. Tried writing Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara smut multiple times. Failed! I even got requests often to write smut for these two… never managed.

10) Do you write crossovers?

Yes!! I have two! Ravenous Echos (Bulbbul X The Old Guard) and Kings in Gotham (DC X K Project).

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so. I think my work is too niche to merit any stealing.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so. Had a buddy in FF.net who probably translated my fics (Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara) in Chinese.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Lol… Nope. I am too flakey to pull this off.

14) What's your all-time favorite ship?

I have many that I have extremely strong feelings for. But my absolute main one is Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara. I love them together in every format/iteration. 

The K Project anime and K: Memories of Red made me love this pairing. These two will always be my OTP. 

15) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I worry about my The Seireitei Zoo fanfic. I started writing it in highschool. I am currently completing my PhD. I pretty sure I will have a doctorate before I finish my crack fic.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Coming up with ideas is easy…

In terms of writing I think I have a good grip on setting tone/atmosphere.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Executing those ideas is another story. Heh.

In terms of writing my dialogue can be a bit cringe. Furthermore, being ESL makes my grammar weird.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I could write my fics in my mother tongue… but who would read it??

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Absolute first? Beyblade.

Posted fics -> K Project.

20) Favorite fic you've ever written?

Ravenous Echos (Bulbbul X The Old Guard). I think it's one of the best things I have written. It's an eerie, gothic/atmospheric horror that I wrote after a tropical cyclone toppled a huge tree into my house’s boundary wall.

I did not just write for it, I made several artworks for it.

If anyone wants to read it, just watch The Old Guard (2020) first.

[shinelikegoldbuzzlikeabee]

💚💛🌿Them💗💜💙

I’m bi so I’m hitting them with the bisexual beam!

[2w1ld3st-2dr3ams]

𝟝 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕡𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒 𝕙𝕠𝕥 𝕧𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕚𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕕 (𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝟙 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕡 𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞)

!!Old Blog Repost!!

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Character: Aether, Dom!GN!Reader, Special Guests: Venti, Jean, 

Cw: Dom!Reader, Sub!Character, vampire!reader, ass eating(character), jealous Aether, possessiveness (from both sides at some point), very unhealthy behavior, self-injuries (you need blood to coax a sexy vampire into drinking from you after all), Objectification (not stated directly, Aether is basically a glorified blood bag), dumbification(character), biting kink (reader –> Aether), bleeding is used as foreplay, aphrodisiac usage (because vampire saliva), this has a lot of exposition before we get to the dirty I'm so sorry I am a sucker for sexual tension.

Post type: 5+1 format

Word Count: 5.7k

Mumbles: Daydreaming about drinking a cute boy's blood rn so I'm sorry Aether, you're my canvas for today. Came up with vampire etiquette after daydreaming in the middle of a car ride and it has been engraved in my mind ever since. Can you tell when I get hornier or was it not obvious enough?

Step 1–Offer them animals to drink from (while trying to outdo your competition)

Aether was strolling down the streets of Mondstadt, a dead boar being dragged around as he kept trying to find you. The sight was a little weird, the Honorary Knight carrying around a dead boar while looking everywhere for something. That 'something' was you, a vampire Aether had befriended while traveling Teyvat. You had disclosed to Aether how you were a vampire and how troubling it was looking for food. Most of the available food usually fought back and you had not eaten for a while, your strength wasn't what it used to be. You could still put up a fight, but you didn't have the stamina to chase after an animal that could still fight. You could drink human blood, but (as you explained to Aether), human blood was a luxury that vampires couldn't have repeatedly. Aether wanted you to expand on the topic, but all he got as an explanation before you drifted off to your version of sleep was something about the effects of human blood on a vampire and how strained the human-vampire relationship was because of this.

He found you talking to Venti, a sense of urgency pushing him to you even quicker than before. You were always friendly with Venti, maybe a bit too friendly. According to Aether, at least. Venti was one of the first people you told about being a vampire and, from that day on, he would always hunt down animals for you to drink from. You only came to him when you needed though, if he hunted down animals too frequently when you were around, people might suspect something. Still, this did little to lower Aether's growing jealousy. Why did it have to be the bard all the time? He was more than capable of hunting stuff down for you as well! He would even go as far as offering you his own blood, but you always went to Venti for food. It was not fair! 

His grip on the boar tightened a bit, his eyes narrowing at the bard as he approached. He saw Venti getting closer to you, dangerously close. At this distance, you could probably smell his blood as clear as day. Venti was clearly tempting you, there was no other reason for him to be so close to you. Aether had to do something quickly, or your hunger would get the best of you. There's no way you would want to drink that drunkard's blood when his blood would taste so much better!

He called out your name, trying to mask the intense jealousy he was feeling at the moment. He felt himself falter when he had your gaze on him, you always made him feel so tiny compared to you. Your gaze by nature was predatory, but your gaze right now as you were eyeing the bleeding boar was even more animalistic. You were clearly starving, if the way you licked your lips and the way your eyes didn't leave the boar were any indicators. Venti also eyed the boar, impressed at how shamelessly the traveler was dragging it around Mondstadt.

–H-hey [Name]! I was out hunting and I remembered how you said you needed more food so I got this boar for you! It should last you a few weeks.

You were salivating as you thanked him and grabbed the boar out of his hands. Luckily for you, the area you were in was now deserted–probably because of the stench of dead boar surrounding the area–so you could safely drink from it. You drained the animal of all the blood it had to give, tearing it apart like a ragdoll. Venti stood there beside you, laughing at how hungry you were and remarking that he'd have to hunt something bigger for you next time. Aether butted in, suggesting that you could accompany him in his travels since you were more likely to find bigger prey scattered across Teyvat. Venti wanted to refuse, he was doing this because he was your friend and neither you nor him were inconvenienced by it so Aether didn't have to take on the extra work, but the way Aether was staring at him made him a bit uneasy. He felt it was better to not intervene, something told him it was better for his health if he didn't.

Once you had finished your meal and disposed of the remaining corpse, you answered Aether's proposal with an affirmation. You explained how you were leaving Mondstadt for a while because you felt that the people were suspicious of your mortal status. You were just discussing it with Venti, actually, and both of you agreed that it was best you left while the suspicions died down. Aether listened along, trying to contain his excitement at the idea that you would spend more time with him. This meant more opportunities for him to get close to you, more opportunities for you to drink his blood. There he went again, fantasizing of you using him as you personal blood bank. If he weren't in front of people he would be salivating at the thought. 

Bidding goodbye to Venti, you made your way to your place of residence with Aether by your side. You chatted along the way, thanking him again for such a delicious meal. Aether swore you were eyeing him down as you said that, maybe you were referring to him instead of the boar. Oh dear, you must be able to smell his lust by now. Arriving at your house, you let Aether sleep there with you. It was getting late and it would be so rude to send him back to where he was settled after he had treated you to such a meal.

Settling down on your couch, Aether got comfortable as you bid him goodnight and went to your room. Vampires had a different definition of sleep, so the accommodations you prepared for Aether and Aether alone made his heart burst. You were going the extra mile just to make him comfortable, even if you could just drink his blood and kill him right here. He must be so special to you, it made him delirious just thinking about it.

The weight of hunting and carrying the bull was getting to him, his muscles feeling heavier by the second. Closing his eyes, it wasn't long before he drifted off.

–––––––––––––––

Step 2–Make sure to look as appetizing as possible (bonus points if you emphasize the neck or thighs)

–A-ah~D-drink as m-much as you'd like, I'm–ngh~ a-all yours!

Aether felt the grip you had on his waist, pulling him closer to you. You were currently drinking from his neck, drinking like you had been starved for weeks. You stopped for a bit to let him rest, kissing the are you had just bit and licking away any of the excess blood that was dripping from the bite marks. You asked if he was okay, tracing your fingers over the wound gently while focusing your eyes on him.

He assured you he was, he was more than okay in fact. Still drunk on that last bite, he positioned his hand behind your head and was pushing towards his neck. The indications were clear, but you stopped him before he could continue.

–If you'd allow me, there's another place I'd like to drink from

His face flushed with all the possibilities he thought of. He had to answer quickly though, you were getting hungry again and would soon just default to ravaging him. He responded to you with a "go ahead", hands returning to their original place on his lap as he awaited your next moves. The look in your eyes was more predatory than ever, clearly betraying your intentions as you firmly grabbed his thighs and spread them apart. Aether was incredibly flustered now, hiding his face in his hands as he processed the situation.

You began kissing around his inner thigh, dangerously close to his crotch, feeling around for something. The smell of Aether's blood at the moment was intoxicating and he could feel it. When you had finally found the spot, you began mouthing at it and leaving a lot of open mouth kisses. Slowly, you licked the place and kissed it tenderly one more time. You gave him a warning to stay still and opened your mouth, fangs nicely decorated by your salivas as you lowered them onto Aether's thigh. You were closing in on his thigh, fangs dangerously close to penetrating the skin when…

–Aether!

Aether woke up with a bang, heart almost jumping out of his chest as he tried to regain his senses. Once he finally caught on to his surroundings, he wished the earth would swallow him whole. Did he seriously have a wet dream about you, when you were a couple rooms away? Speaking of you, did you sense it? Could you sense it? Aether prayed you couldn't as he got up and quickly changed his clothes, thankful for the extra pieces of clothing he had mistakenly left in his inventory.

–Aether, are you there?

Curse your calling for him, why did it had to interrupt his precious wet dreams? Trying to look like a man who did not just have a wet dream about the person giving him housing, Aether made his way over to where your voice was coming from. You were carefully setting down a plate of delicious looking food on your table, making sure to also place down a drink. You didn't get much practice cooking human foods, but the aroma and presentation of the breakfast you set down on the table were testaments to your determination, patience, and hard-work. If he weren't pre-occupied with trying to compose his post-wet dream self, he would be absolutely love struck.

–Good morning! Um, what's all this for?

–It's been quite a while since I've had a human guest over, so I tried my best to accommodate to your needs as much as possible. I'm not the best with cooking human food, but I have picked up a thing or two from my visits to the lands of Teyvat. It might not be the best but it should still be edible.

His rationality was telling him to thank you for your thoughtfulness, but his more emotive side was already punching your chest in flustered confusion. How it is possible for someone to be this…effortlessly attractive?! Where all vampires like this? Furthermore, what were your intentions behind all this? Surely, a friend doesn't go out of their way to fit their other friend into their life to the best of their ability after just one night. Or did they? Aether wouldn't know, he considered many people his friends and he was always doing favors for them so he had no room to judge.

Thanking you for the meal (after some inner lovesick screaming), Aether sat down at the chair that was pulled out for him as he began to eat what you had cooked. For someone without much experience with cooking, as you put it, your cooking tasted better than expected. It wasn't exactly restaurant worthy or anything; more so the type of cooking you expect from a memory or a feeling. In a way, Aether rationalized, the type of cooking that could evoke a feeling or symbolize a memory was streets ahead to the type of cooking that was merely enjoyed for its taste.

He wondered if vampires also had this food reaction binary. Surely, there must be different expectations for the type of food vampires ate. Maybe something like blood quality or quantity influenced the way vampires linked those aspects to certain desirable or undesirable qualities. Were there sought after types of blood, like a certain blood type that was more sought after than the rest? Did certain presentations appeal to vampires; maybe some favored obvious displays of submission or maybe some liked a more push-and-pull dynamic. That last thought got him revisiting his dream. With as much dignity as he could muster, he swallowed the bite he was chewing on and asked you the random (not really) question.

–Hey [Name], is there any sort of…what's the word…desired presentation in the things you drink from that make it more…appetizing? I guess?

You stayed pensive for a few moments, making Aether freeze and examine the situation. You didn't look weirded out or uncomfortable by the question, but your silence still made him uneasy. He hoped he hadn't overstepped any boundaries by asking that question. He didn't know the point in which discussing being a vampire became acceptable, but he already went over that bridge so the only option left was to burn it. After some time in deep thought, you decided you reached your conclusions and proposed a sort-of answer.

–Depends on the source of the blood and if etiquette applies to that source.

Etiquette? Vampires had that? Was it like with humans and all the different fork types, or was it like how people say it’s good etiquette to eat with their mouths closed? Either way, Aether was intrigued .

–What is this “vampire etiquette” you speak of? From my general knowledge about vampires, there doesn’t seem to be much manners or class involved when they eat.

You were quick to correct him, a tad bit offended by his–in your words–offensively stereotypical remark. Vampire etiquette, as you explained, was a sort of code that vampires followed when feasting. Yes, it was always at play ever since the agreement between vampires and humans was formed. It dictated things such as who one was allowed to feast upon and what the nature of that feasting meant.

The hierarchy of feasts, as you lovingly dubbed it, was at the centerpiece of vampire etiquette. Common feasting material such as animals didn’t fall under the agreement, hence why vampires could feast as gruesomely and violently as they wanted to from them. Humans, however, were protected under the agreement. Most humans are untouchable to a vampire, unless there is a close enough bond based on mutual respect and trust. No fear mongering or threatening a human into giving themselves up for feeding.

Once the bond was obtained, there were certain places that were off limits. If the pair were simply trusted acquaintances, you would usually drink from their wrists; if the pair were close friends, you would drink from their forearms; if the pair were lovers, you would drink from their neck. The stomach was off limits because of its delicate nature and drinking from below the waist held a different, more intimate meaning for vampires.

This last part urged Aether to make one final question. If your answer was what he expected, then his dream would hold so much more significance than he thought.

–And what exactly does drinking from below the waist mean for vampires?

–Especially if it’s the thighs, drinking from below a human’s waist is our way of claiming a human as ours. Whether it’s for sexual purposes or for feeding purposes–although those go hand in hand sometimes–it’s a final act of possession done with care. Once the mark is there, no other vampire can touch said human. It’s a beautiful display of trust and intimacy, if a tad bit possessive. Once a human is bitten, their senses are heightened and the effects that feeding normally has are amplified to the point of madness; generating an almost insatiable craving from both parties. I rambled off topic, haha, sorry to bore you with silly vampire things.

Your apologies went unheard, Aether’s mind going blank as you mentioned the last bits. 

You were claiming him, claiming him to be yours to own in every sense of the word and he was more than happy to oblige.

–––––––––––––––

Step 3–Entice them (bonus points if you play with fate a little)

–To be honest, I’ve always wanted to try Jean’s blood.

That was not the answer Aether was looking for. Yeah, Jean was thoughtful and sweet and–from certain, very specific angles–she was pretty. But Aether was all that too! He was so much more than the acting grandmaster, he could be so much more useful to you than her! She didn’t even have time for you; Aether was over here following your every whim and even “accidentally” cutting himself in front of you! He was practically giving himself over to you and you still wanted to try that damm anemo user’s blood! 

Oblivious to his inner turmoil, you continued.

–She just looks like she would taste delicious, like a good cup of coffee and maybe some French toast. Speaking of, your scent is also a very appetizing one Aether. I must admit, seeing you bleeding near me so often is intoxicating sometimes. Please take better care of yourself, especially with how much fighting you do. You might alert other vampires, and I just can’t have that happening. 

Aether didn’t know if he was going red with anger or happiness. So his attempts were working! Heck, you just claimed possession of him just a few sentences ago! Yet why were you rambling on about Venti’s sweet taste of dandelion wine and Jean’s comforting scent of a fresh cup of coffee? You were supposed to only be describing him in those words, only be thinking of his blood and how precious he is to you. You should only be allowed to ravage him and him only, claiming him as yours until he has no more left to give. 

Aether dared to ask questions and you dared to give answers, describing an arbitrary blood type as if describing your last meal on this earth. No matter how specific your tastes got, Aether was sure he could manage. After being around you so long, he knew the determining factors in blood taste. All he had to do was present a certain way and make you familiar with his taste.

A few days later, after sharing one last meal with some friends in Mondstadt, you failed to notice the drops of blood mixed in to the tea you were drinking at the restaurant. A week later, after traveling through a vampire infested area, you failed to notice how your arm was wrapped tightly around his waist and how your teeth were bared at any vampire eyeing Aether. A month later, you failed to notice the lack of gifts from a certain anemo archon and the dwindling food supply that you swore you had restocked. An indefinite amount of time later, you noticed how you were getting more and more hungry, and how Aether was getting more and more appetizing.

A few days later, Aether noticed how eagerly you drank that cup of tea and how you commented on the wonderful taste. A week later, Aether noticed how you closed around him like a predator and how your actions became possessive by the passing days. A month later, Aether noticed how you eyed him while making some remark about the lack of food. An indefinite amount of time later, Aether feigned ignorance at the fact that you were loosing grip on your humanity and that he was the only semblance of hope you had left.

Scaring that bard was worth it, the constant cuts on his skin were worth it, the way your grip bruised his skin when you got hungry was worth it, the way his dreams grew more and more realistic was worth it; everything was worth it for this day to finally come. Just one more “failed expedition” and he would finally be at your mercy.

–––––––––––––––

Step 4–Show off your blood in-front of them (bonus points if you do it while they're starving)

–A-Ah~ Help me, there’s so much b-blood and I c-can’t–ugh–fight like this…

Your mind wanted to say that it didn’t mean to sound like an invitation. Your mind wanted to yell at you to get out there and save a friend. Your mind was also lost in a haze of hunger and thinly veiled lust, so the screaming at the back of your head remained distant.

You quickly located his voice, running to where he was. Cuts and scratches littered his skin, red and hot as tears cascaded down his face. He looked so defenseless, bloodied up and lying like wounded prey. Those cuts on his neck were taunting you, perhaps some light licking wouldn’t be too bad…

You resisted the urge to slap yourself for that. Help him first, then you can talk about a possible feeding arrangement. You got closer to him, lifting him up and carrying him back to camp. With what materials there were, you bandaged up his wounds and made sure dispose of any blood that would taunt you. You gave yourself props for staying sane this kind despite the hunger hurried deep in your stomach.

Aether was so vulnerable, defenseless. If you were to drink from his blood, he surely wouldn’t notice given his weakened state. He would be powerless to stop you if you were to have your way with him. He was in a daze, staring up at you with hopeful yet glazed eyes as he thanked your for saving him. He managed to straighten himself up, neck dangerously close to your mouth. His wounds were still open, letting the smell of blood fill your senses.

Your mind was very hazy, thoughts stringing together as all rationale faded to the back of your mind. The overwhelming urge to devour took control of all your senses. Aether looked at you, feigning worry as your head pounded.

–Is there something-ngh-wrong? You don’t look to good.

His words were mushed together in your mind, his body dangerously close to yours. You just hope he would forgive you for what you’re about to do. 

–What are you—Ha-hah~

–––––––––––––––

Step 5–Enjoy the hungry vampire drinking from your neck

So fulfilling, so delicious, so submissive. His blood tasted sinful, a perfect mixture of sweet and savory that had you itching at your very core. He was handcrafted to fit you, his skin was crafted to be pierced by you. He was a gift from Celestia itself, and finally, he was in your reach.

His wanton moans filled your ears, sinful sounds that spurred you on to drink just a little more. He arched perfectly into you, giving you deeper access to his neck. You greedily took more than enough blood, hungrily sucking away at the crimson droplets that escaped his wounds. Unbeknownst to you, Aether was smiling maniacally in triumph. 

He finally got what he wanted! You skipped over all his other places, you were directly biting his neck! All he had to do know was get you to bite his thighs and he’d be officially claimed as yours. He could overlook the dizziness and blood loss for a while. Also damm, he was getting hornier by the minute. Vampire saliva was really something to experience holy shit.

You pulled away from his neck, instead claiming his lips. The drops of blood left on your lips intertwined with his own saliva, making for the perfect presentation of submission. You pulled away, watching as he stuck out his tongue to try and chase you back into the kiss. His eyes were glazed over and half lidded. He pleaded for you to kiss him again. Well, he did let you drink from him…a treat wouldn’t do him wrong.

You kissed him again, hungrier this time. Your tongues intertwined first, followed by a sloppy kiss and then another. Your teeth grazed over his tongue, cutting it slightly. You could feel the blood ooze out of the wound, as well as Aether’s whimpers at the slight pain. You dragged your own tongue over the wound, savoring the taste of his blood and saliva intertwining into one. 

–Fuck…Oh Aether, you’re heavenly~

You breathed it against his lips as your hunger kept winning your inner battle. Having your saliva directly in his mouth was intoxicating; the saliva coating his wound as the aphrodisiacs got injected into his bloodstream. Soon enough, he found his mind only thinking of you. His skin ached, the blood under it almost fighting to get out. He whined as you pulled away again, your hunger subsiding while his desperation grew. The aphrodisiacs from your saliva were flowing freely in his bloodstream, mind but a muddled mess of only you.

You perhaps forgot to mention the extend of how possessive vampires can be, especially around blood so good as Aether’s. Perhaps it was the hunger and how deprived you were, perhaps it was how delicious Aether looked, perhaps it was a combination of both. Whatever the case, you knew you couldn’t let him go wonder about; no, he had to belong to you.

Aether was pulled onto your lap, a deep bite decorating his neck while drool cascaded down his lips. His eyes were unfocused, glazed with what you assumed to be lust. He was searching for you again, leaning into you whenever he could. It was clear you had drank a lot, if the swaying of his body and the shiver of his limbs were any indication. He was high off of the sensations and clearly wasn’t thinking straight.

You gently pushed him off you and laid him down, examining his wound as you gently grazed your fingers over it. Your eyes scanned over his body for any more wounds you might’ve missed in your hungry state. After making sure there weren’t any infections, you tried persuading him to sleep and regain his energy. This way, he could hopefully loose that strong scent of his quicker so only you would be able to smell it.

There was only one problem, he was still affected by the aphrodisiacs. He kept blubbering nonsense about a plan and how he finally got you to drink his blood. Some other things about starving you slipped past his lips, as well as some moaned pleads and promises.

–Haah~ F-finally! Please, make me yours! A-Ah fuck! Own me~ I-I promise I’ll be the best meal you’ve ever had! Ngh~

His pants and moans were turning you on more than you’d like to admit. However, that wasn’t the important part. The important part was how Aether had confessed to wanting you and all the horrible things he did to get to this point. You should be mad, fuming even, but your hunger kept getting the better of you. What a sweet little thing, willing to do so much for you. You were sure you could repay the favor tenfold. You had made up your mind; from here on out, he was only allowed to think of you

–It’s all finally making sense…no wonder you always smell of lust. 

–––––––––––––––

Step 6–Get horny and desperate as you’re claimed by the vampire (good job you’ve done it)

Aether was sobbing from his place in your lap. This felt so much like that dream he had a while back, only this time you were so much hungrier. You were drinking from his neck, dead set on draining the blood out of him it seemed. He was long gone by the time you let go of his neck, the aphrodisiacs taking over his mind once more. Poor thing, dumbed down to sit pretty and take what you give him.

You dove back into his neck, hungrier than before as he slowly got dizzier and dizzier. As soon as you felt this, you pulled back, feigning worry as you fretted over him. You asked him if you had bit him too hard, if he needed rest, but he was too blissed out to say anything. You bit back a smirk, a thoughtful look in your eyes as you calmly proposed something to Aether.

–Oh you poor thing, you must be exhausted after all I took from you. Hmm, what about this; how would you like a reward for your obedience?

He sure was attentive enough to catch on to your words, head snapping to meet your eyes. There was expectation in his eyes, almost taunting you to take him. It was like you flipped a switch since that day, the feedings were getting more regular and he was always covered in bite marks. A reward, it would do him good. A few days rest or a 5 course meal would do him wonders.

After a minute or two of silence, he nodded his head, waiting for his reward. What he didn’t expect was for you to carry him off and disappear in the blink of an eye. He was suddenly in some dark room, located who knows where. He was gently placed down on a soft bed, giving him some time to look around. The windows were tinted and, by the looks of it, the place was really high up. There was no discernible landmarks that would indicate location.

Panic began setting in little by little, but it was soon driven away as you gently stricken his face and ordered him to lay down. He listened, back hitting the soft mattress lightly as you kneeled by the edge of the bed. Grabbing his thighs, you pulled him towards you, his ass slightly hanging off the bed. You unbuckled his pants and pulled them off him, tossing them so where in the room. Next, you took of his boxers and threw them somewhere as well.

You were left with the perfect view of his thighs, ass, and dick. Kissing your way up his legs, you stopped by the inner thighs and payed very close attention to them. A flurry of open mouthed kisses were left on his thighs, with just enough pressure that he could feel the edge of your fangs.

This was just like his dream, ten times better in fact! Now you would bite into his thighs and claim his properly as yours, all he had to do was wait a bit longer and- 

Aether let out a long whine when your lips left his thighs, kissing the tip of his dick before settling on kissing the rim of his ass. He inhaled sharply at that, peeking down at you and asking you what you were doing.

–Aw, are you so fucking out of it you can’t register your reward? I’m going to make you cum in my tongue as many times as you want to, dear. Aren’t I so kind?

Aether moaned loudly at that. He hadn’t even thought about sex until you brought it up, so he couldn’t let go of this opportunity. Caging your head with his legs, he eagerly pulled you closer to his ass, waiting for you to make the next move. 

Chuckling slightly, you kept kissing his rim. It escalated into open mouthed kisses until you were forcing your tongue into him. You felt Aether grab onto your hair, legs squeezing your head as he whined and moaned. You began moving around, making sure to feel his walls very well. It wasn’t long before Aether was a moaning mess, to dumbed out to focus on anything other than your tongue in him.

–Ah~ M-more, please more!

You couldn’t deny a voice so sinful. You began thrusting in and out of him, fangs occasionally scratching his ass while your tongue continued to carve its way into him. After a while, it touched a particularly sensitive spot that had Aether basically howling as he came, hard. Your movements slowed to a stop, slowly pulling out before kissing the rim and diving back in again. Not caring for the overstimulation, Aether continued to beg for more of your tongue in him, having organs after orgasm after orgasm until he had nothing left to give.

When the grip on you hair loosened and his thighs felt numb beside your head, you pulled out. He was a proper mess, tears and drool all over his face while cum coated his stomach and dick. You cleaned him up and tenderly caressed his face, watching in adoration as he leaned into your touch.

He was feeling very tired, his bones turning into mush as he closed his eyes and prepared to sleep…only to be jolted awake when he felt a sharp sting on his thighs. He looked down and, sure enough, you were biting down on his thighs. Your grip on is thighs as you licked and bit at them was deadly, not letting go until his legs were shaking. He could feel himself getting hard again, aroused at the idea that you were finally claiming him.

As if reading his mind, you laughed and licked down his thigh, getting closer to his dick and lightly blowing on it. Amused at the reaction he gave, you continued licking down both of his thighs and puffing air at his dick. You were nothing short of addicted to his taste, and you’d make sure all of Teyvat knew.

You looked back at your slut, tongue lolled out of his lips as he thanked you over and over again. How shameless, drooling over being claimed. In return, you sucked harder, making a beautiful arrangement of bites and hickeys all over his thighs. 

–Oh you dumb little thing, only being able to think of how good I pleasure you. I’m sure you would like getting drained by me all the time if you could. Would you like that; belonging to me until all of your blood runs out? Of course, I will never let it run out, you’ll be stuck with me for the rest of eternity. 

You emphasized your statement with a particularly harsh suck, watching as the boy in front of you moaned louder and louder until you were sure he would damage his voice. His senses were so much more alert than ever, every one of them being filled with you. Your insatiable hunger as you kissed up and down his thighs was driving him insane. He could surely get used to being treated like this, drained half to death only to be resuscitated and begin the process again.

With a final shout, he came as you detached from his thighs, his vision fading as splotches of black took over. The last thing he remembered before he passed out was a tender kiss to his forehead before feebly looking down at his thighs, covered in bites and bruises from you precious assault on them.

If this is how he would die, he could die a happy man.

[huenjin]

soulmate bruises.

you could have been stuck with any other soulmate mark, so why specifically did it have to be the soulmate scars theory?

pairing | lee juyeon x reader (ft. a few of the boyz) genre | fluff / soulmates!au, high school!au word count | 1,654 words warnings | mentions of bruises, swear words author’s note | reposting of an old fic, edited specifically for lover boy here.

"That looks like a real bad bruise," Haknyeon mumbles. His thumb traces the corners of the bruise and you wince, the pain scourging through your nerves, tingling and rushing through your brain furiously.

"Your soulmate must have gotten hit badly," Chanhee chuckles, looking through the photographs in your camera. You frown and curse under your breath. Haknyeon looks through the papers by your side and you look around the photography club you started with these idiots for the school magazine.

"I’ve got an idea," Changmin's eyes glint mischievously as he walks up to your table, having overheard your conversation. "Let's hit Y/N to inflict pain on her soulmate for having hurt her. It's the perfect plan."

Chanhee raises an eyebrow at Changmin but Haknyeon seems to be all in for the plan. Your forehead scrunches in annoyance, your eyebrows furrowing together as you pinch the skin to distract yourself. You groan, mumbling, "Shut up for a second, will you?"

"Fine, spoilsport," the one who suggests the plan says, pressing his lips together in disappointment. He soon began, "My idea was great. All you low lives will never understand."

"I'm going to find this nasty motherfucker," you stand up, determined. The chair pushes back and the table jerks forward as you press your hand down on it firmly. "And he's going to pay for hurting me so much. These bruises take forever to fade away."

Haknyeon stands up soon after, "We just have to find another individual in this city that has the same ugly bruise on their face as she does."

Chanhee and Changmin follow suit, albeit reluctantly. The latter chuckles sardonically, "This is going to be easy. How many people do we even have to search? Yeah, just mere tens of thousands in this city."

Chanhee digresses, "Let's cancel all the nice-looking dudes because our girl here doesn't have good luck."

"You're an arsehole, dude. An arsehole, I say."

"What's with the weird We're Avengers formation you guys have on?" 

Younghoon walks into the room with a cup of coffee and Ray-Bans like he's making an entrance and you roll your eyes. He places the glasses on the table and sighs, "It's cool and everything but Juyeon's hurt, Chanhee. He won't tell it out loud, but yeah, he's hurt and he needs help. The nurse isn't in yet."

"He's hurt?" Chanhee asks, concerned.

"Hurt, oh yes. This is perfect." Changmin chirps and Younghoon raises an eyebrow.

"You're Team Rocket now?" He furrows his eyebrows and glances over at you disappointed, almost as if it is your stupidity that has nurtured them into these. "Anyhow, Chanhee, follow me. The rest of you stay put."

Haknyeon, Changmin and you listen because Younghoon was a mere acquaintance. He was, however, Chanhee's childhood friend, and since he is Chanhee's friend, you have seen Lee Juyeon around — at parties, at the basketball court, in the hallways. And that is it. 

So, why would you care if this man was hurt?

Unless he got hit like a bitch on his face.

Later that night, you hold yourself close, tears threatening to spill from the corners of your eyes. It feels like your ribs are being slammed into something and the pain is unbearable. It leaves you breathless and a little shaky on the ground. You scream at one point and slow winces leave your lips as you try to hold it in.

Haknyeon knocks and walks into your room when you don't reply. He shifts you slightly, his hands rubbing your back slightly as you lightly cry, "I hate that bitch but he must be in so much pain if I'm feeling this much." 

Haknyeon's angry. In all honesty, he gets the soulmate mark and how that should help people be happy but never has it led you to your soulmate, only providing pain along with the entire experience. Soulmates are not supposed to bring pain.

Your teeth clench in pain as you sit up. Your feet dangle for a while before it touches the ground and you stand up, ignoring the pain that seers through your body.

"I'm finding that motherfucker, that's it."

Haknyeon chuckles at your resilience. He helps you stand well and watches your determined expression, mumbling, "The boy's dead meat for sure. Either in your hands or the one that's hurting him."

Finding him is easier than you expected. Haknyeon helps you and the two of you leave the house in pursuit of the man with injuries — a bruised face and now, bruised ribs. You have always wanted to meet your soulmate for, a) he was nasty enough to get himself hurt without bothering about your well being, b) he is your soulmate, and deep down, you want to care for him, heal his wounds, and. . . slap some sense into him because it's a connection and he should respect it. 

You message Chanhee, knowing if you should start anywhere, it's the closest person you know who has an injury.

You: chanhee? [11:23 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: Juyeon's number? here. [11:23 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: [Juyeon's contact] [11:24 PM] You: what the fuck? [11:24 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: thank me later. [11:24 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: don't kill him. but if it makes you feel better, i'm shipping you two and that his bruise is nastier. [11:30 PM]

"It's Juyeon, isn't it?" Haknyeon pipes and you watch his smile curve upwards. "Turns out Chanhee isn't that useless."

"He is. That arsehole didn't tell me till I asked him of it. What if I didn't? Would he have let me go on a wild goose chase?"

Your phone pings again and you groan, albeit very grateful for his existence 

Chanhee is a hoe: [Juyeon's address] [11:36 PM]

Haknyeon laughs, "Knowing him, yes." He drums the bonnet of the car, waiting for you to hop in and when you do, he enters, igniting the engine and zooming away to the address Chanhee has sent you.

Upon reaching his place, Haknyeon wishes you luck and tells you that he'd rather wait in the car and that if you planned on staying the night, then, you should text him so that he could leave. You smile and storm away, trying to build up the rage within you to lash out at your soulmate.

"Lee Juyeon," you slam at his door. "Lee Juyeon, open your door." 

You hit the steel door as hard as you can, unbothered by the pain that now seers through your fist. At this rate, you'll be hospitalized with your soulmate and you could have your first date there. How nice; not.

"Y/N?" he opens the door, and you notice the redness around the sides of his fist. Your eyes widen and the air is taken away from your lungs as you stare wide-eyed at the man before you.

Lee Juyeon is gorgeous. He leaves you feeling dazed like a comet hitting the earth's crater, strong and hard. He is tall enough to tower you and his eyes sparkle with hope. You notice the bruise on his face under the dim street light by his house and you gape.

"It could be you."

"Huh?"

You run back to the car, tapping at Haknyeon's glass. He pulls it down and hands you a paper cup of hot coffee. You look at him with a snug expression. You notice Juyeon watching you with confusion. You take big strides towards the man and open the cup, only to throw the hot coffee onto his chest, in the same area that had you wincing moments ago.

It hits you a second too late. You drop the cup, holding your upper abdomen, your fingers digging into the underside of your breasts as you fall on your knees. You definitely did not think this through. Juyeon merely clenches his teeth tightly, and you realise that with all this experience you both shared, he's the only one who knows how to deal with the pain.

Haknyeon chuckles at the sight, and almost on cue, he pulls his car back and drives a bit away, parking it by a big tree. Juyeon kneels along with you and helps you up, "Let's put some ice there."

"That was a very bad idea. 0/10 would not recommend."

You're holding your chest and your abdomen messily and you're cursing at Juyeon, "Are you a gangster? A thug? Why do you keep getting hurt?"

"A boxer, actually and I keep getting hurt because Sangyeon will not go easy on me. I'm sorry. You must have been through shit," Juyeon's voice is soothing. Like a fresh warm bath with your favorite soap bombs and a ducky. He helps you into his house, lays you on his sofa carefully as he goes to grab ice.

"Maybe this wasn't all of a bad idea," you shout, and Juyeon chuckles. He even laughs beautifully; how? He asks if he could lift your shirt up as he comes back to your side with a bag full of ice. You nod and he lifts your shirt up, grimacing at the purple bruises that have formed by your abdomen and the area under your breasts. Juyeon is too worried to let his eyes stray anywhere else as he mumbles apologies after apologies.

"It's okay," you chuckle nervously, feeling conscious and slightly bad for your soulmate. "At least now I have you. We'll get through this pain together. You can take care of me and I can take care of you."

Juyeon feels his insides bubbling, his chest tightens, and his heart bloom. If this is what a soulmate's love feels like, he could get high on it. His face gets close to your skin and his lips slightly trace the bruises, before placing kisses on it and then, the ice, all while mumbling, "I'd like that. I'd really like that."

[meta-squash]

[Old Manics meta repost, originally written in 2015 or 2016. I was definitely in a....place....when I wrote this.]

Cue yet another long convoluted rambling strange post about Richey Edwards and Theodor Adorno. For some reason this has been rolling around in my head as half-formed thoughts for a while. They’re definitely still half-formed, but I wanted to get them out of my head and into something slightly more sentence-like.

[Uhh, TW for weird logic, ED-style thinking, and convoluted ill-formed ideas.]

In one of Richey’s manifestos to a zine in December 1992, he writes “THE GODS THOUGHT THERE IS NO MORE DREADFUL PUNISHMENT THAN FUTILE AND HOPELESS LABOUR. GROW UP, GET FUCKED, WITHER. NO ONE IN THIS COUNTRY KNOW HUNGER, TRUE HUNGER LIKE SOMALIA. EVERYONE HAS CLOTHES, FOOD, A DRINK. EVERYONE IS LAST, PATHETIC WRETCHED. THE ONLY FREEDOM LEFT IS THE FREEDOM TO STARVE. FILL YOUR HOME WITH ANYTHING YOU LIKE BUT YOU CAN’T INVENT ANOTHER COLOUR…” The “freedom to starve” quote keeps being attributed to him on the internet, or to Tom Morello, lead singer of Rage Against The Machine, who has a different but similar quote about capitalism and labor exploitation that includes the phrase. (It also appears in the comic V For Vendetta, apparently.) But the phrase didn’t originate with them. I keep seeing repeated uses of it when reading essays by Theodor Adorno from the 60s, and I’m sure the phrase is probably older than that. Morello’s quote containing the phrase is essentially summarizing one of Adorno’s ideas.

So far I’ve come across the phrase in two of Theodor Adorno’s essays. One is in “Freedom In Unfreedom”. In essence, it discusses the paradox of the idea of freedom in our current society. He essentially says that people no longer have a specific concept in mind when they invoke the word “freedom,” and that the nature of present society means that whatever concept of freedom we come up with is not possible because it contradicts current circumstances. He gives the example of early Nazi Germany, when an social-democratic organization took up “Freedom” as its slogan, but the concept and the term had lost its power entirely because employment was incredibly low, and people were struggling, so upholding freedom as a conceptual principle which implies self-determination looked foolish because in practice no one is free and everyone is unemployed and starving and unable to access food/wellbeing and therefore unable to practice self-determination. He says “In other words, freedom was exposed as the freedom to starve; people had direct experience of their dependence on society, a dependence that made a mockery of a freedom that was defined in purely formal terms.”

The other Adorno essay that uses the phrase is “The Culture Industry: Enlightenment as Mass Deception”. Basically, in the section that uses the phrase he discusses the way that the culture industry (or mass culture) exploits and uses artists by homogenizing them. He says “anyone who resists can only survive by fitting in.” Freedom is supposedly given to each individual (in society, in art, in expression, in culture, in the workplace) but if a person doesn’t inherit the ability or resources to succeed in life, then this freedom becomes the “freedom of the stupid to starve”. People who aren’t able to adapt to society’s expectations/who question or refuse to conform are neglected and made to starve, literally or metaphorically. The blame is placed on them for their inability/unwillingness to adapt or conform, because they were “given” the opportunity to succeed (despite that opportunity requiring conformity, or changing their nature, or giving up morals, etc). So a person who is unable or refuses to conform to society and culture and the working class, who goes hungry or cold (literally or metaphorically), is an labelled outsider. They retain their integrity, or their morals, or their original artistic vision, but they suffer through loss of wealth, or faith, or by being rejected and called an outsider and being mocked or no longer listened to. They are free, but at a price.

Applying this to Richey, I thought it was interesting that he seemed to be taking freedom to starve both literally and figuratively. “Freedom to starve” becomes a refusal to consume in certain ways, ascetism, essentially. It becomes a literal or physical manifestation of the neglect that occurs when a person refuses to conform to society’s expectations. It becomes Richey refusing to conform to society’s expectations of food consumption while also refusing to conform to musical and artistic standards by creating The Holy Bible and specifically pointing out the wrongs of society. The band having complete control over the album, hiding in their studio and working together without any outside influence pushes against the expectation of producers/managers/sound engineers/labels/etc having partial influence or control over the sound of a band’s music. Richey’s inability to adapt mentally to fame, to touring, to the stress of schedule, etc etc also is a sort of manifestation of that “freedom of the stupid to starve”, in that he was unable to properly adapt to what was expected of him in terms of fame and touring, and he was blamed for it and seen as strange for disliking aspects of fame.

This is where I get into some interesting, if problematic, ideas. Richey seemed to kind of take the idea to another level through his eating disorder. Freedom to starve/freedom of restriction essentially becomes true freedom because it takes back control of body mind and spirit. Richey sort of talked about this in an interview with Simon Price in 94 in France. He mentioned that people can’t hold you down and force you to eat/watch you all the time, and that your body is your own and you should have a right to do with it what you want. Essentially, self mutilation/self harm/restriction becomes a mode of self-control, a reclamation of the body from expectations of society. Society expects excess and encourages/wants consumption. In creating consumption, the culture industry takes control of the mind and the body by telling consumers what they want even if they didn’t originally desire it, saying it over and over and continually producing under consumers are convinced that they do want whatever they are being given. Self-mutilation, restriction and ascetism removes that and reclaims the body as owned by itself and its mind. It puts control back into the awareness of the self and the body and the mind, which forces the self to be aware of the influence of culture industry. This awareness allows the self to refuse that influence, the refusal of which includes those actions or decisions that go against the expectations or desires or encouragements of society. It also confronts the fact that society sees certain types of expressions of emotion/mental state as “wrong” or maladaptive and those who express themselves a certain way are marked as outsiders. Repression and restriction and stoicism becomes revenge for society marking you as outsider for expressing rage at unfreedom/expressing emotions that are seen as maladaptive. Self-harm or starvation becomes a reclamation of the mind and the emotions, and increasing of that maladaptive expression in order to basically reject society’s expectations altogether. Richey essentially says that when talking about his time in hospital; self-harm or self-restriction takes back control of body and mind from expectations of doctors and society – they can’t hold you down and force food down your throat, someone can’t be with you 24 hours a day, it’s my body I do what I want with it.

The height of this could be disappearance/death: refusal to participate “correctly” in society, refusal to “be” in society in the expected way. A rejection of literally all things. James Bradfield notes that a major theme in Journal For Plague Lovers is a rejection of experience, a rejection of expected lyrical formats, and a rejection of some sort of answer or truth. A realization that nothing seems to be working. A refusal to continue to consume or participate correctly or to express consumption or participation correctly, especially in that the meanings or messages of most of the songs are completely obscured through unconnected phrases or disparate references that take research to decipher. The idea is sort of expressed in individual songs from the album as well. All Is Vanity  asks questions of vanity extremes vs personal neglect – which one is refusal to participate correctly? Are they both refusal? Are they the same? Inability to adapt correctly compared to what is expected/right vs what you are doing and how your actions are called into question as incorrect. Discipline is respected, but certain types of discipline are seen as different/maladapted compared to the expectations of society or the culture industry, which allows for the question of which type of discipline is “wrong” or “right” and does it depend on perspective? Excesses are lauded in the culture industry, consumption is encouraged, as is vanity and obsession with the self, and ascetism or restriction and neglect of the self is seen as wrong. But extreme excess of consumption is also frowned upon or mocked. Society encourages a certain amount of excess and consumption in order to control and delude. In encourages and creates consumption so that the consumer doesn’t stop and thinking about how they are being made to overwork and overconsume in ways they probably didn’t originally want to be doing but have been convinced into by society. Refusal of consumption/vocal awareness of participation in consumption becomes maladaptive because it’s not what society wants, which is exactly the kinds of words and things the band was expressing.

And the idea of disappearance or death takes all of this to the highest level, in that disappearance rejects society’s expectations entirely, refusing to participate in society in a “correct” way. It is also expressing whatever sort of emotions or thoughts a person might have in a way that creates an absence (metaphorical and literally) rather than yet another thing to be consumed. Disappearance when a person is still living is a complete reclamation of the body and self because the person essentially is able to drop out of society as themselves, and even if they assume a different identity, they are still inherently refusing to participate in an expected way, still creating an absence of a person and an absence of an identity, and in using a false identity that refusal becomes even more complex. Death, too, and specifically suicide, is a refusal to participate in society, but in a much more final way. Suicide is yet another reclamation of the body, since it is by one’s own hand and willpower that one’s life is taken, not through illness or another person or old age. It creates a different kind of absence, since often a suicide, since there is a body and often a note, gives answers or at least there is a physical proof of refusal and a physical proof of that person’s death. A suicide creates a narrative with finality, with refusal as the finality and therefore certain aspects of absence are filled in with the assumptions that come with suicide and death in general. A disappearance has a narrative with an ellipses rather than a full stop, and because it is left open, the absence and refusal are left with unanswered questions, reasons, and unspoken ideas, specifically because it is a kind of refusal to participate that is completely unexpected and cannot be explained with a body or a note.

I don’t really have a conclusion to these thoughts or any sort of cumulative idea or whatever. I just was thinking about the phrase “the only freedom left is the freedom to starve” and what it meant in relation to Richey when Adorno is applied.

[infcstissumam]

okay, so, Go-Go asked me if I could publicly post this brainstorming between us, given we both had some baller ideas, so, in case anyone is weirded out by the format, this isn’t a callout, this is a headcanon repost because it was accidentally posted privately!

@infcstissumam, or me! Haha:

Okay- so, like, hear me out, dude. Papa I isn't bitter, he's mean and clever and likes to cut people down when they step out of line. In short he's acidic and it's what has lended to his reputation as being 'the biggest asshole' of the entire Emeritus line. When he speaks there is so much venom from pent up hatred behind his words that it's hard to not be hurt, even when you aren't the intended victim.

@go-go-devil

Hmmm, an alternative take from my own headcanon, but an intriguing one nonetheless!

Granted I too don’t really like to see him as just a “uwu soft old grampa” myself; as far as I’m concerned Primo took his job as Papa dreadfully seriously and would certainly let people know when he wasn’t satisfied with their behavior/performance. If I were to guess why he tends to cut people down so often I’d say maybe he just can’t regulate his emotions as easily as his brothers. His brain can’t often find a good outlet for him to vent to, due to both his natural introversion preventing him from wanting to go confide with someone and how rarely he has time to take breaks from his position, so whenever he’s angry at someone it all comes out in full force and makes him appear crueler than he actually is.

(I say all this as someone who also has trouble regulating their emotions. Autism can be real fucking fickle sometimes…)

[my-happy-little-bean]

The Day The Sun Fell - Chapter 1

pairing: logan/patton words: 4478 story summary: “The story of Logan and Patton from the day they met, to the day the sun fell.

(aka the story of logan and patton told a bit out of order. also the apocalypse happened, which is weird huh?)

warnings for both chapters: swearing; fighting; sad, apocalyptic vibes in general; sickness; implied death(s)  

a/n - hello! this is a repost of a semi-old fic of mine that is written in like a non-linear format, which is always super fun ~ 

i will be linking the next chapter at the end of the chapter, and the masterlist + the link to the entire work on ao3 here if you’d like it :)

stay cool, u cool cats ✨

[read on ao3]

[masterlist]

---

Logan stood at the edge of the cliff, facing only Patton and nothing else. 

It was illogical– no, stupid to look anywhere else. Below them was a sea of nothing and above them was a sky full of anything ; though it wasn’t as reassuring as one would hope.

But in front of him was everything , because in front of him was Patton. 

Sweet, sweet Patton. 

Logan wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist, which was shaking with the rest of his body. He was in full sobs now. He sighed, pressing his forehead to Patton’s. 

“Shhh,” he whispered softly, closing his eyes. He could feel the sun beat on his back. He pulled Patton closer to him. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“I-I–” Patton’s words came out as mere husks of what should be words. Logan shook his head.

“ It’s okay ,” he said again. 

“I-I’m so scared. ”

“I know.” 

“What if one of us lives ?” Patton murmured, his sobs wracking his entire body. He doubled over into Logan’s chest, throwing his arms around Logan as if he was hanging onto the only lifeboat on deck. “W-What if one of us lives and�� and you are dead and–” 

“Patton…” 

“I don’t want to be alone.” Patton was clinging onto him. Tears were streaming down Logan’s face now. He took a deep breath and simply tilted Patton’s chin so he could look up at him. 

“You’re not going to be alone.” The winds roared louder now. Despite now being face-to-face with Logan, Patton was squeezing his eyes shut, shaking at the noise. 

Logan could feel Patton’s heart race, they were so close.

(He tried to memorize the ba-bump, bump, bump of his heartbeat. He tried to focus on it, make it the last thing he remembered, tried to remember that he was his– )

“ God, I-I hate this.” Logan felt his heart breaking at Patton’s broken voice. “I wish–”

“ No, ” Logan said firmly. Patton opened his eyes and looked at him. Even when he was squinting, Patton's brown eyes seemed so wide and filled with so much wonder. 

Logan moved his arms from Patton’s waist to his back, enveloping him into a tight hug. He could barely keep his eyes open from how bright it was. 

Still, he did his best to look at Patton.

(It’s all going to be okay, he was with him. )

“You didn’t need to wish for anything else,” Logan finally said. “Things went just as they were supposed to, you know?”

He buried his face in the crook of Patton’s neck. “ I’m so happy. ”

Suddenly, Patton’s cries turned from broken to overjoyed, almost instantaneously. 

And then, Patton laughed.

It was interspersed with coughs, yes, but he was laughing. Logan didn’t know how long it was since he last heard that laugh; but it’s apparently still the same, because now he’s laughing too. 

Logan pulled back slightly, his eyes burning from keeping them open. Behind Patton was a blinding flash of white. And that’s how Logan knew they were going to be okay.

“I love you,” Logan said with a teary smile. He felt the heat crawl against his skin. He let out a shaky laugh as he hugged Patton tighter. He said it as if it was suddenly the only thing he knew how to say. “Patton Morgan, I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

It was so bright–  so bright– but Logan swore he could see Patton smile too. 

“I-I love you too, Lo.” 

( Ba-bump...ba-bump…bump… … …)

It was the last thing Logan heard before the sun finally fell: 

“I’ll see you soon.” 

---

“Oh. My. Stars. ”

Patton blushed furiously as Roman leaned over the coffee table with what looked like hearts in his eyes. 

“Romannnn,” Patton whined. 

“Pattonnnnn!” Roman sing-songed in response. Patton broke into a giddy grin, burying his face into his cup of tea. He could feel himself going warm. 

“This man sounds like an absolute dreamboat! ” Roman batted his eyelashes. “Now, pretty pretty pleeeease tell me more about your fabulous first date?”

“I’m telling you,” Patton sipped his tea, a bit embarrassed, “it was just a regular first date.”

“Oh come on, Ra- pun -zel,” Roman groaned dramatically. “Let down your hair! ”

“...what?"

“Just loosen up, would you? You looked like you just died talking about what he looks like — I feel like you can talk about what you guys actually did without kicking the bucket?” 

“Fine, fine!” Patton giggled. “You’re going to be really disappointed though.” 

Roman shot him a wide smile. “I don’t think I could be.” 

Patton rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Well after we exchanged numbers at the library, we went out for coffee– which didn't really feel like a date, but it was something, you know? And it did lead to us texting non-stop for like, a week.” Patton smiled fondly. “It was all pretty casual, nothing more than just talking about what we did and what TV show we were watching at the time. He–” Patton laughed a bit to himself. “He was actually watching this nature documentary about penguins and he said something like–”

“ ‘ Oh, Pat, I am so horny for you, but I’m going to talk about this penguin shit so you can give Roman a snooze-fest of a story’ ,” Roman finished for him. “Is that what he said, Pat? Huh?” 

“Roman!” Patton gasped, going beet red. He swatted Roman away with a blush.

“What?” Roman laughed, leaning back in his seat. He put his arms up defensively. “Is it because I’m right?” 

“You’re starting to sound like your brother,” Patton teased. Roman gasped dramatically, making a small, offended squeak. He tossed his signature red scarf over his shoulder. 

“Fiiiine.” Patton laughed. “If you must know, we just went to McDonald’s and ate dinner in his car.” 

“McDonald’s?! ” Roman shrieked. “You had your first date at McDonald’s ?!”

“It was a busy night for the restaurant we were planning to go to!” Patton said defensively. “He wanted to take me to some high-end place, but we were like thirty minutes in and the waiting lounge only got busier–”

“There was a lounge?! You passed on a place with a lounge?!”

“–so when he noticed I was getting antsy, he offered to take me somewhere else.” Patton smiled, as if he was taken somewhere else for a split second. “I sorta panicked when he asked me where, so I said McDonald’s. He was really sweet about it though and– well, it kinda worked out because we talked a lot!” 

Patton looked down, almost embarrassed. 

“It...it was all really lovely.” A pause. “ He’s really lovely.”

“Oh, Pat! ” Roman cried out, the grin on his face only growing. He jumped out of his seat and went over to Patton, practically dragging him out of his chair. Patton squealed as Roman spun him around.

“I’m so happy for you and your summer romance, Count Dorkula.” Roman sighed dreamily, spinning Patton into an embrace. He pulled back slightly so that he was facing Patton, mere inches from his face. 

He gripped his shoulders firmly and with a soft smile, asked, “Are you happy?” 

Patton paused, looking down at his shoes. There was still a bit of red on them from when he spilled ketchup on it the night before. 

He smiled. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I am.”

---

Logan walked back into the apartment carrying logs of firewood, a brown bag slung around his shoulder. He laid the logs onto the floor, catching the attention of Patton. 

“ Logan. ” He stood up as soon as he saw him. Logan already knew how this was going to unfold as soon as he saw Patton’s face.

“I know, Patton, before you say anything–”

Patton stormed up to Logan, who calmly set his bag down. 

“How could you just– just leave?” Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

“Patton, I had to,” Logan said, trying to stand firmly alongside the words he was saying. 

“Don’t give me that shit ,” Patton growled, but it sounded weak in the midst of his tears. Logan felt himself grow tense. 

“You have been miserable, Patton,” he said coldly. “What the hell was I supposed to do? I had to do something, I had to fix it somehow–”

“Fix it?!” Patton laughed, almost manically. “Holy– is that really what this is about? You just wanted to fix me?! ”

“Patton–”

“You didn’t know so you– you thought you could just leave?! Did you think that– that leaving for a week to find fucking Roman would suddenly fix the whole fucking world?! Is that really what you thought?!”

“You’ve been worried about him for days, I couldn’t just sit and watch you cry yourself to sleep every night, please try and be logical about thi–”

“You left! ” Patton’s shriek echoed around the room. “D-Don’t you understand?! Like– like, really think about it for one fucking second. You fucking left. ”

He was pacing back and forth, as if he was deciding whether or not he could even look at him. His movement caused the blanket hanging on the wall to lift slightly, showing glimpses of the outside world. 

Logan stiffened at the sight.

“Patton–” 

“You should be dead! ” Patton cried out, pointing at Logan almost hysterically. Logan didn’t move. “A-And for what?! For him?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

“He’s your best friend –”

“You’re all I have!” Patton screamed. Logan fell quiet, staring at Patton. His hand was still outstretched, pointing at Logan. It felt like some sort of sick accusation. 

“Y-You’re…” Patton let out a loud sob, sinking to his knees and breaking down into tears on the cold, ashen floor.

“Patton…” Logan whispered, kneeling in front of Patton, who was slumped over on the floor. His sobs made what seemed like an earthquake spread throughout his entire body.

“D-Don’t you understand?” Patton’s voice was muffled by the floor, but Logan heard the sound of Patton breaking down into sobs almost too clearly.

“Y-You’re all I- I have left,” he whispered through his tears, “a-and...and y-you fucking left .”

Logan suddenly felt warm tears sliding down his cheeks. 

“I…” 

But he didn’t end up saying anything. Logan lifted Patton gently, letting him lean against his shoulder as he cried. 

They sat like that for hours. They sat on the cold floor of their home, holding each other. The day passed them, painfully slow, and they just sat there.

And no one left.

“D-Did you find him?” Patton eventually asked. 

Logan looked at him, almost numbly. He then reached over for his brown bag, still lying on the floor, and pulled it closer to him. 

He pulled out a few things; canned preserves, bottles of water, soap– anything he could have grabbed on his way to where Roman was. 

Then, he pulled out a red scarf.

Patton stared at it, sitting in Logan’s hands. He stared at it as if he was secretly in there, woven through the fraying ends of the fabric. 

Patton stared at it as if he was looking at it,

(lying neatly underneath the Christmas tree, all those years ago)

as if it were brand new.

And then, Logan held it to his heart and cried.

---

“No way,” Patton giggled as they walked into Logan’s apartment. “You did not say that.” 

“I really did,” Logan hummed, closing the door behind him as Patton took off his coat. “It was...well, it was not my proudest moment.” 

“I can imagine!” Patton hung the coat on the rack. “Sounds like you really schooled him!” 

“Oh shush,” Logan chuckled. Patton laughed and walked into the living room.

It was quite modest in size, but surprisingly warm in feeling. The walls were painted a muted red and the floors were wooden, with a fluffy rug or two underneath a brown couch. An autumn-orange blanket covered most of the couch, and behind it were light bulbs, hung by black wires. Each one was staggered in terms of how far away they were from the ceiling, the warm light floating mere inches from the wall. There was a small, brown coffee table in front of the couch with a vase of red roses in the centre. 

“Wow,” Patton murmured, slowing down to a stop in front of it all. He didn’t even turn to face Logan when he walked up to his side. “Your place, it’s…it’s beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” Logan said. More sheepishly, he added, “I apologize if it is a bit messy, I didn’t have much time to clean up.”

“And you have such a beautiful view for someone on the first floor…” Patton could spot a glance of the nearby park through Logan’s brown-framed windows.

“I, um, did the most I could with what I had.” Logan cleared his throat. “Additionally, my mother is an interior designer, hence...well, this .”

Patton finally faced Logan with a smile. “I love it.” 

Patton slowly made his way around the room. There were a few pieces of art hanging on the walls, abstract shapes making up what seemed to be a picture of a warm, sunny day. 

Fitting, he thought with a small smile. 

“Could I by any chance offer you a drink?” Logan asked, making his way past Patton and to the kitchen. Patton, his eyes not following, replied distractedly, “A water would be great, thanks!”

He could distantly hear the water pour into a cup from the kitchen, but he was too far gone to really notice. He continued to make his way around the room, trying to capture as much as he could. 

On the TV stand, there were a few picture frames. Patton recognized Logan in almost all of them– even the ones that seemed like they were taken long before the two had met. He also recognized a few other faces; Virgil in particular, who he remembered meeting a couple of weeks back. 

He suddenly noticed an empty frame sitting next to the other photos. Patton frowned, picking it up. It seemed relatively new compared to the other ones, which were unfortunately collecting a bit of dust. Patton noticed a few remnants of a white sticker. It looked like there was an attempt to peel it all off, but it didn’t go too well. 

Patton smiled to himself, putting it back down just as Logan walked back into the room. 

“One glass of water for you,” he said in an almost regal tone, giving Patton a small smile as he handed him the cup. 

“Why thank you!” Patton giggled, clumsily taking a bow. A bit of water spilled out of the cup as he did. 

Patton looked a bit terrified, but Logan just laughed, shaking his head and giving Patton a small kiss. 

Surprised, Patton kissed back. He became so entranced by it, causing him to nearly drop the glass entirely.

When Logan pulled back, Patton found himself inches away from his face. 

Logan’s eyes were very brown, Patton noticed. 

He smiled. They were warm. 

Patton kissed Logan again, more slowly this time, putting his free hand on Logan’s cheek. Logan grinned in the smile, pulling Patton’s waist closer to him. 

And when they were done with that kiss, they kissed again; the pace growing more frantic with each one. They kissed for so long that Patton nearly forgot that the room– or anyone else in the whole world– even existed.

He hastily set the cup of water down on the TV stand beside all the photos and used his other hand to loosen Logan’s tie. 

Logan must have gotten the hint because he kissed Patton again, guiding their steps towards his bedroom. 

“Wait!” Patton whispered, pulling back when they got outside his bedroom door. Logan frowned. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Patton said. “Yes, everything’s okay, I just…”

Patton then smiled, staring softly at Logan.

“I just want to remember this,” he whispered. Logan chuckled, pressing his forehead against Patton’s. 

“I love you,” Patton added quietly. 

A pause. 

Logan broke into a wide grin, laughing as he cupped Patton’s cheeks and pulled him into the most passionate kiss Patton has ever had. The warm touch spread across Patton’s face as he touched him.

(And that’s when he knew, even if he didn't really know it yet.)

Patton giggled in between the kisses, wrapping his arms around Logan as they went into his bedroom, Logan softly kicking the door closed behind them.

---

“Did you hear any word from him?” Logan asked quietly, sipping some warm water from a small, clay cup. Patton shook his head as he walked out of the kitchen, going over to the couch where Logan was sitting. Logan sighed. 

“It’s been a week now.” Patton said nothing as Logan continued, only setting down two bowls of soup on the coffee table and taking a seat beside him. “It’s unlike him to just...leave without much notice.” 

“Yeah,” Patton murmured, looking down at the table. Logan looked over at Patton and  took his hand. 

“Hey,” he whispered. Patton was squeezing his hand. Logan squeezed back, and Patton finally looked up with him. 

He seemed tired, his stare almost grey. Logan wondered if it was possible for the sun to steal the colour from someone’s eyes. 

“He’s going to be okay,” he decided to say. “We’re going to find him.” 

“Yeah,” Patton said again. He wasn’t even moving anymore, just staring down at his bowl of soup. “Yeah, I’m sure we will.” 

Logan sighed as he wordlessly picked up his own bowl and quietly drank from it. 

It was quiet like that for a while, the two of them drinking their bowls of soup without saying much. Logan kept looking at Patton, who was barely even touching his meal.

“Are you ill?” Logan finally asked. Patton looked up at him, almost darkly. A little quicker, he added, “I noticed you aren’t done with your soup.”

Patton looked down at his bowl then sighed, standing up and shrugging. 

“You can have it,” is all he said before turning his back on Logan, who sighed. He closed his eyes, pulling his glasses onto his head to rub the bridge of his nose. 

He expected Patton to retreat to their bedroom, but Patton just walked over to the huge hole in their wall. He watched him stare out the wall.

“...Patton?” he asked softly. 

“Should we bother listening to the radio tonight?” Patton whispered. His words sounded cold, even as warm air breezed into their apartment once more.

Logan stood up, hesitantly walking to Patton’s side. 

“May I be honest?” Logan asked. Patton looked at him and nodded. 

“After you went to bed, there was a final broadcast on the radio,” Logan said. “It’s wiped out more people than we thought, and it’s moved faster than anyone could have ever suspected.” 

“That doesn’t make sense,” Patton murmured. “There hasn’t been a reported crash since it happened and that was a month ago.”

Logan sighed. “Radiation sickness.”

Patton tensed up at the words.

“...Oh.” 

“It’s been worsening around the world.” Logan tried not to look at Patton as he spoke. “They said that the overall global temperature is the highest it’s ever been in history. It’s beating its own record each day.”

“So what they’re saying is that it’s over then,” Patton suddenly said. His voice was barely a whisper, yet it felt so sharp. Logan tensed at Patton’s sudden stare. 

He decided to keeping looking ahead at the hole in their wall. 

“We should find something to cover that,” Patton finally said after a bit of silence passed.

Logan frowned, idly looking around him. “Yes, we should.” 

He thought about it for a while and walked over to the couch when the idea dawned on him. He pulled off the blanket, giving it a few good shakes. Dust flew from its surface, but eventually it gave way to the orange colour he was familiar with. 

Logan turned around, the blanket in hand, and held it up as if it were some kind of offer. 

Patton smiled, almost sadly. 

---

Patton pressed his face in his hands, taking a deep breath.

“Patton, I just don’t understand why this is a big deal,” Logan said. Patton finally looked up at him from his place on the couch. 

“A big deal? ” Patton echoed, incredulously. Logan sighed. 

“Patton, that’s not what I–”

“Logan, it’s my parents !”

“I’m just not ready yet!” Logan protested. “How is that difficult for you to comprehend?” 

Patton stood up from the couch in a frustrated huff, circling the coffee table to stand in front of him.

“Because we’ve been dating for a year now!” Patton cried out. He ran his hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling. “God, Lo, they ask about you all the time–”

“Just tell them that I’m not ready then!” 

“That’s not the point, Logan–”

“Then what is it?”

“I–” Patton closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Look, I don’t know, okay?” 

A beat of silence. 

“Where are we, Lo?” Patton asked, almost afraid of the answer. Logan frowned. 

“We’re in my apartment.” 

“ Logan .”

Logan averted his stare from him. Patton almost missed it.

“Sometimes, with you, it feels like I’m in a race car” Logan finally admitted. “And– and there’s such an exhilarating rush ; every single lap I feel that wind and the hot fire pushing my car along a-and…”

He paused. 

“And?” 

“...And then I remember I’m in a race car ,” Logan finished. “I’m speeding around in circles and it's so fast and I’m– I’m in some kind of race .” 

“Logan, I’m not trying to rush you into anything.” Patton took a small step towards him, taking his hands into his own. “But we can’t go anywhere if...if you’re not going to take your foot off the brake.”

“That’s the thing, Patton,” Logan sighed; not even in frustration anymore, but in exhaustion. “I...I feel like we’ve been in this race for so long –”

“T-Then we can leave!” Patton broke in. “We can quit, we can drive somewhere else– to some...some island? Look, this metaphor has lost me–”

“I don’t even know if I want to be in this damn race anymore!”

The air around Patton suddenly froze. 

Patton looked at him, wide-eyed and quiet. He suddenly felt too warm. 

And he suddenly didn’t miss Logan’s quiet stare. 

“Pat…” Logan’s words sounded like they were underwater. Patton kept looking down at his hands in Logan’s. They were shaking. 

“How long have you felt like this?” he asked quietly. Logan shook his head. 

“I– I…”

“ Logan? ” He hated how small he sounded. Logan closed his eyes.

“I don’t know,”  he finally said. “I...I don’t even know if this is how I feel, okay?”

“...What do you feel then?” Patton asked. “Right now? Just– tell me how you feel now. ” 

A pause. 

“I feel scared, Patton.” He looked up at Patton with suddenly-teary eyes. “I...I am scared... that this isn’t something I can do. ”

Patton said nothing. 

“ God, Patton,” Logan continued shakily, “we haven’t even told each other that we loved–”

He stopped mid-sentence. 

Patton took a step back, watching Logan’s hands fall to his side. 

“P-Patton, I–” 

“I know,” Patton said. His voice sounded cold and foreign, even to himself. “I know. You’re right .”

“Patton–”

“You’re right,” Patton said again, more firmly. He took another step back, as if staring at something he couldn’t even recognize. “ You haven’t.”

---

Logan sat on a bench in the park, loosening his tie slightly. 

For October, he thought, it is so warm…

Or maybe it was warm for another reason. He had been anxiously bouncing his leg for a half hour now, waiting for Patton to meet him. 

Logan couldn’t help but worry about him, whether or not he was okay. 

Maybe it was because he…

Logan sighed; he couldn’t even say it in his head .

When Logan finally spotted Patton, however, his heart sank. 

He wasn’t okay.  And Logan already knew why. 

“Hey,” he said as Patton approached him, standing up from his seat. Patton stood in front of him, his hands in his pockets. 

"Hi,” he replied quietly. 

They stood like that for what seemed like an agonizing couple of hours. Logan cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. 

“You look...great,” he finally said. Patton didn’t meet his gaze. 

“...Thanks.” 

“May we sit?” Logan motioned over to the bench. Patton looked at it– really looked at it– before seemingly giving in and sitting down. Logan, relieved, sat beside him. 

“How are you, Pat?” Logan asked. 

Patton let out a quiet laugh. “Not great, Lo, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m sorry,” Logan said, and he put in such a great effort to sound like he really meant it.

(Did he even mean it?)

Patton shook his head, looking down. 

“You were the one who wanted to meet,” Patton said. “What do you need?”

I need to tell you something. I need to tell you everything . 

(I need you to say it.)

I need it to be the only words I could ever say, just for a minute . 

“My sweater,” he said lamely. “You...you still have it.”

Patton looked at him with an indescribable look on his face.

“...My mother said she wants to give it to Declyn.” Why was he still talking? “She said it must be too small for me now. She was asking where it...might...be.”

Patton smiled, but something told Logan it wasn’t a happy one.

“So that’s it then?” Patton’s voice sounded hollow. Where was the warmth? Logan tried searching for it; in his smile, in his eyes, anywhere. 

“Patton, I…” What the hell was he going to say, anyway? That he–

“Actually?” Patton stood up abruptly. “Don’t answer that.”

Logan snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at him, standing up as well. 

“Patton, there has to be something else ,” Logan said. He took Patton’s hands into his own, and Patton stiffly let him. He could feel himself sweat. “There has to be some other way for me to tell you– to show you.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Logan,” Patton said. “If you can’t even say it once ?” He shook his head, letting out a sad laugh. “I don’t know what to tell you. I just don’t think that’s fear.”

“But–”

“You’re not afraid of us,” Patton cut in. “You’re...you’re afraid of something else and I’m sorry , Logan– believe me, I have tried to come to terms with that this past week but...but I’m sorry . I...I’m just sorry .” He paused. “This just isn’t what I want.” 

And when Patton let go of his hands, a piece of the sun crashed behind them.

---

next chapter >

[keitthen]

───── ASTERISM.

a fluffy hanako scenario.

↳ character(s): hanako

↳ writing form: one shot.

↳ (a/n); I hope you will enjoy it!

-

asterism;

as·​ter·​ism | \ ˈa-stə-ˌri-zəm \

(noun.) 

Astronomy;

a prominent pattern or group of stars that is smaller than a constellation.

-

You still remember the day you met Hanako.

It was a bright, cloudless day, with the sun shining bright overhead; covering the land with its gentle warmth. People frolicked about with happy smiles as they went on with their days.

Students' loud chatter ensued, filling the hallways with joy and laughter. This was a usual day at Kamome Gakuen for you; that is, if you don't count the supernatural stories and rumors about apparitions floating about in the school.

Your best friends Akane Aoi and Yashiro Nene, were people whom you cherished very dearly. Both of them were very much interested in these rumors, especially Nene, as she seemed to freeze every time Aoi mentioned them. Maybe she froze due to fear; perhaps it was due to excitement, you never knew.

That is, until on that day, Aoi disappeared. Disappeared, as in had her whole existence removed. You and Nene, for some reason, were the only ones who remembered her.No one remembered her, including her very own family. Nene had panicked, with you close to being in tears, until she suddenly made a face of determination, and ran off somewhere.

Confused, you had followed her, as she ran turning and twisting, eventually reaching the old building. She made her way to the girls bathroom, where the main star of the legend of the so-called 'Hanako-san' , Hanako-san herself was supposed to live.

Unable to understand her reasoning for coming here, you asked her,

"Nene-chan why are we here? Shouldn't we be looking for Aoi-chan?"

She turned around startled, as if she didn't know you were there.

"(Y/N)-chan? Did you follow me here?"

"Ne, I did. But why'd you come here?"

She hesitated for a moment, but nevertheless answered your question.

"It's because I know someone who can help us find Aoi-chan."

"You do?! Who is it?!"

Just as she opened her mouth to answer, you felt someone's presence behind you. You whipped your head around to face the person, only to be met with a boy with gorgeous amber eyes that shone in the sunlight, choppy black hair and wearing a seal with the kanji for seal, '封', written in red on a white background, on his left cheek.

Also, he was floating in the air. Floating, like it was completely normal, causing you to quiver in fear, and perhaps, a small ink of excitement. 

"Ah~ Yashiro! Did you bring someone along with you, today~?"

"Hanako-kun! This is my best friend, (Y/L/N)(Y/N)!"

"Hanako-kun? Nene-chan you know him?!"

"(Y/N)-chan, this is one of my friends, Hanako-kun."

"Hanako of the Toilets, pleased to meet you~"

"Hanako of the Toilets? That Hanako-san? The one with a skirt and a bob? But aren't you a boy?"

"Those rumors are outdated~ As you can see, I am very much a boy~ But why did you come here, Yashiro?"

"Ah! We came here for a reason! Hanako-kun! Aoi-chan's vanished!"

"She's vanished?"

Before she or you could answer him, the door to the bathroom flew open, and a blond boy with ocean blue eyes walked, well more like ran, in.

"HANAKOO-OOOOO!"

"M-minamoto-kun?! This is the girls' room..."

The boy paid no heed to her as he stomped over to the boy-apparition and grabbed him by his collar and shook him around while screaming at him.

"YOU JERK! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CLASSMATES YOKOO AND SATOU!!?"

"You mean...?!"

"Why doesn't anybody remember them?!"

"This is obviously your doing!! Spreading those weird ghost stories!"

The apparition finally shook him off of him, and fixed his collar, while the blonde (whose name was Minamoto Kou, younger brother of school prince Minamoto Teru, you had learnt later on) continued to scream at him.

Once he finished tidying himself, he turned towards us and began talking about the staircase leading to the art room. Apparently, it was a way to the netherworld, or the boundary as he called it. And the students who vanished had most probably gone there, Aoi being one of them.

As you stood there, befuddled, trying to contain as much as information about whatever had just happened that was thrown at you into your head, you didn't notice that the three of them were moving out of the bathroom.

Hanako did notice this, and grabbed your hand, pulling you towards him while he gazed into your eyes, snapping you out of your trance and bringing you back to reality.

"(Y/L/N), aren't you coming along with us~?"

As your face turned into a red that could rival a tomato's, Hanako simply laughed at your expense as he pulled you along with him as the two of you made your way to reach the other two who were standing out, ready to rescue every one. 

That, was the beginning of your supernatural adventures with him, Nene and Kou, which lead to the two of you eventually falling in love, as Kou and Nene cheered you on in the background.

-

Back to the present day, the two of you were lying on the rooftop, stargazing, as Hanako, being the adorable astronomy geek that he is, pointed out different constellations to you. Glancing at him, you began to smile seeing that he had a serene expression on his face, as he continued to name constellations for you.

"(Y/N)-chan, is something wrong?"

His voice snapped you out of your reverie as you saw that he had turned to face you, after noticing that you weren't paying attention. You gave him a soft smile and answered his question.

"Nope~ Nothing's wrong!"

"Then why weren't you paying attention to me?~"

You had to hold back the urge to laugh because he looked so cute as he pouted at you.

"Why wasn't I paying attention to you? It's because I was gazing at my very own asterism~! "

As his face turned red, you burst out into laughter, unable to hold it back anymore. He smiled at your laughing figure, and pulled you in towards him, kissing you as a promise of his to love and cherish you, his very own Sirius and Pole Star, forever.

─ edit; fixed the formatting so it's read better. older writings make me cringe at them.

© @the-diabolikal-otaku. do not plagarise or repost without permission.