#reminder to myself: A it doesnt matter how much sleep you get-if you work next day you'll be tired anyway | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

surviving---not---living · 3 years ago

Text

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

#abusive relationship #tw abuse #mine #relationship #please help me #help #relationship advice #fiancé #couple problems #manipulative #maybe #physical abuse #lost #scared #lonely #what do i do

7 notes · View notes

frogtanii · 4 years ago

Note

🔮 👋👁️💧👄💧👁️

👏i👏was👏happy👏30👏minutes👏ago👏

NEVER HAVE I EVER WANTED TO STAB A WOMAN IN THE THROAT AS MUCH AS I WANT TO STAB MEIKO RIGHT NOW-

im glad that osamu has his head out of his ass already, and his redemption arc has started, but at this point, idk if i can accept iwaizumi, dachi and osamu as routes in the story anymore 😭

(or maybe any route but atsumu's for that matter- congrats j, you have convrted me into an atsumu simp-)

what i interpret from the happenings between the miya twins is that atsumu, in addition to being the 'angel' in the story, in a sense (as ive read from other anons' analysis), he didnt want to choose between y/n or his brother, he just wanted his brother back. he wanted what they had before the woman drove the wedge between them. and he was willing to forgive and wait for him to not just try to be better, but to work at being better.

osamu, on the other hand, let meiko corrupt atsumu's good image in osamu's mind and in whatever daze he was in, blindly following meiko for whatever validation he achieved from her, osamu let go and forgot about the trust and bond he shared with atsumu, his brother. as a result, he lost his brother in the temporary bliss he found with meiko. osamu really needed to hear atsumu's reminder that he loved him, (aaaaand that he loved his best friend too, and no way in hell was he gonna choose between them,) and that little reassurance that he can still run back to his brother after that whole fiasco. lord knows the last time the brothers had a heart to heart.

am sorry if this is repetitive to what others have already said ajdbjsnsj or if it doesnt make sense, my brain is slowly shutting down-

on other notes, LORD SAVE YAICHI GIVE HER PATIENCE AHAHAHAHAH. atsumu is such 🥰 a 🥰 simp 🥰 (highkey, same though-), and hopefully suna and osamu can eventually discuss their feelings, their friendship might never be the same again, and the wounds will take time to heal, but hopefully they can work it through.

for the headcanon portion of my ask, i wanna put out an idea for a route that i though of while typing this out-

•y/n deciding not to date any of the boys following pf and deciding to take a vacation with the money she saved up, and taking a "journey to self-discovery" thing,because upon her contract ending, she never felt so free and she wanted to embrace the feeling as much as possible without having to look at her s/o's face and being reminded of the difficulty she endured as an influencer of sorts in the hyper house. 😌

if my math is correct, it might be around early evening when you reply to asks next, so I HOPE YOU HAD ENOUGH HYDRATION TODAY MAAM 🤨, enjoy you next meal! you need sum nutrients 😌, AND PLEASE GET ENOUGH SLEEP its very good for the self 😌.

LOVE YOU BESTIE! YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE!

💪👁️👄👁️ sending baddie vibes!

p.s. im sure that we, your readers would love it if you branched out and grew as a writer! if you do make a mha story, i gotta brace myself for how you'll portray the characters and make me question everything i know and feel about the character HAHAHAHAH (deadass though, with your writing, you can make me loathe or love a character i didnt loathe or love before-)

but at the end of the day, its your blog, and your decision, just know that there are people rooting for you! 💘

AHAHHA I LOVE THIS !!!!! n ur analysis of samu n tsumu is lovely kith kith kith && the route idea???? gorgeous hehe >:3 && ahaha i shall see abt the mha route ty for ur support <33

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #crystal ball anon

18 notes · View notes

storiesforallfandoms · 5 years ago

Text

do you love me? ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1837

request?: yes!

@kellysimagines “Can you make one where the reader and colson have been togethet for 7 years and she is pregnant and they had a girl again and he already had casie and he is kinda distant first she thinks its because she doesnt feel beautigul or that they had another girl but later she confronts him and they have a small fight and he leaves and later he comes back and i am feeding the baby and he explains that he is scared to not be around as much as when casie was little because he is busy with new music again and i comfort him and he promises to take a couple of weeks off and its all cute?“

description: after the birth of your daughter, you start to notice that colson is growing distant from you and the baby

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

The closing of your front door woke you, alerting you that Colson had left for the day to go to the studio. You sighed heavily as you sat up in your bed, peaking out the window to watch him get into his car and drive away.

Yet another morning where he left without waking you, like he once did.

Ever since the birth of your daughter, Kennedy, Colson had been distant. You were puzzled as to what made him like this. While you were pregnant, he was so loving and doted on you the whole time, even when you told him you didn’t need to. When he found out you were having another daughter he nearly started crying with joy.

Colson took as much time off as possible to spend time with you and Kennedy in the hospital. Casie came to visit to see her baby sister, very obviously excited that she had a little sister to help raise and to one day do sisterly things with. Everything was perfect until you and Kennedy were discharged to go home.

Suddenly, Colson was throwing himself into his work again. He’d leave early in the morning to meet up with his band to record new songs and wouldn’t come home till late at night. When he did come home, he rarely spent time with you and could barely even look Kennedy’s way. The only time the three of you really did anything as a family was when Casie would come over and insisted on doing something as a family.

As if noticing your despair, Kennedy started cooing in her crib next to your bed, announcing that she was awake. You smiled and picked up your baby girl, sitting her up on your lap and letting her take in her surroundings. She was finally reaching an age where she loved to look at everything and everything always amazes her, no matter how often she had seen them.

Looking down at your beautiful baby girl, who had Colson’s bright blue eyes, you started to feel angry. Why the fuck is he ignoring us? Why is he acting this way? He was so excited to have another baby, and now he’s acting like this?

You pick up your phone and send Colson a quick text: “thanks for waking me up and letting me know you were going to work. i guess i’ll see you tonight maybe”

After sending the text, you decide to set your phone to silent and throw it aside. You pick up your baby girl and hold her in your arms. “We’re gonna go pick up your big sister, we’re gonna get out of this house and we’re gonna forget about your daddy and his mood swing.”

You called Casie’s mom to make sure it was okay to pick her up before dressing Kennedy in her cutest outfit and loading her into the car. Casie excitedly ran to the car and jumped into the backseat.

“Dad’s not with you?” she asked, although she didn’t seem all that upset by it.

“He’s gone to work. I figured we could have a girls day. Take your baby sis for a walk around the park. What do you think?”

“I’d love that!”

The three of you walked around the park. Casie took off for the playground the minute she saw it. You reminded her to stay close enough that you could see her as you placed Kennedy into a baby swing.

The sound of your precious little girl giggling as you pushed her on the swing and the sight of your step daughter playing with the friend she made on the playground brightened your day. You had almost forgotten all about why you had been so miserable, until your phone started playing Colson’s ringtone in your pocket. You rolled your eyes, debating on if you should let it go to voicemail, but figured you should answer.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?” Colson asked.

You rolled your eyes again. “Wow, it’s really nice to hear from you too, honey.”

“I’m serious, (Y/N). I came home and you’re not here. You didn’t tell me you were planning on leaving, and you took Kennedy with you? Is she okay?”

“Don’t pretend you care now, Colson,” you hissed. “You haven’t given two shits about our daughter ever since we came home from the hospital. Also, don’t act as if I can’t take care of Kennedy. We’re at the park with Casie. Kennedy is having the time of her life. We’ll see you when we get home.”

You hung up before Colson could say anything else. All your anger was starting to bubble back up, but you were quickly distracted again by Kennedy’s cooing. Her swing had stopped moving, and she was not happy about it.

Another hour or so passed before you collected Casie and headed home. As you neared her mom’s house, Casie asked, “I’m not coming over for the night?”

“Not tonight, kiddo,” you told her. “But we can ask your dad and see if he’ll take a day off tomorrow and you can come over.”

“Is everything okay with you and dad?” she asked.

You looked into the rearview mirror at Casie’s concerned face. You couldn’t help but shoot her a small smile. She really was too smart for her own good.

“We just have to talk about some stuff is all,” you explained to her. “I think your dad is just feeling some pressure or something with the new baby. It’s been a long time since he’s had someone as small as Kennedy to take care of.”

Casie looked at her sleeping sister and smiled. “He’ll get used to it again soon. He just needs to actually take time off work.”

You’re telling me.

You said goodbye as Casie left and started in the direction of your and Colson’s house. You were shocked to see that Colson’s car was still in the driveway, meaning he was actually home for once.

You walked into the house, balancing Kennedy’s carrier on one arm as you took off your coat and shoes. The minute the door closed, a flustered looking Colson appeared. He immediately approached you, looking down at his sleeping daughter.

“God, I was going out of mind waiting for you,” he said. “I was so worried.”

“I told you, I had it handled,” you tell him, turning slightly so he couldn’t take Kennedy from you. “What are you doing home? I figured you’d be at the studio all day.”

“I didn’t go to the studio. I just went out for the morning,” Colson responded. “Look, will you just let me see my daughter? I haven’t gotten a moment with her in so long.”

“Oh, so now you want to spend time with Kennedy?!” you snap, finally done with his shit. “You’ve been acting like we don’t exist for weeks! You only spend time with us when Casie wants it. You leave in the mornings before I wake up, you come home late enough that I’m already in bed or even asleep. We’re not husband and wife anymore, Colson. We’re barely even existing together at this point.”

Colson turned away, running his hand through his hair. Tears started to well up in your eyes. You moved into the house so you could put Kennedy’s carrier down.

“Do you even love me anymore?” you ask, your voice cracking.

“Of course I do,” Colson responded, but he still wasn’t looking at you.

“Is it because we had another girl?”

“No!” When he turned his face was a light shade of pink, signalling that he was mad. Usually, you backed off in moments like this to let Colson cool down, but you were too pissed off to drop the subject.

“Then what is it?! Why have you been avoiding us?!”

He didn’t respond. He was looking away again, his hands balled into fists beside him. After a long, tense moment, he grabbed his car keys and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. You were so angry that you didn’t even care where he was going.

You snapped out of your anger when you heard Kennedy starting to cry. You quickly took her out of her carrier and rocked her in your arms, shushing her until she finally lulled herself back to sleep.

You sat down with the baby girl still in your arms and everything started to hit you. Finally, you let your tears flow freely down your face.

~~~~~~

Hours later, Colson still hadn’t returned. You weren’t sure what to do. Should you call him? Text him? Apologize for the fight?

No, you were not in the wrong for this. You had every right to be angry with what Colson was doing.

You were giving Kennedy her bottle, still sat on the couch, when you heard the door open and close. Colson appeared in the doorway of the living room. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks pink and obviously tear stained.

His eyes drifted to Kennedy. “Can I take her?”

Without saying a word, you held Kennedy’s bottle and Kennedy out to Colson. He took her in his arms and gave the protesting baby her bottle back. He sat down next to you, looking down at Kennedy with a look in his eyes you had seen many times before: unconditional love.

“She looks so much like you,” he noted.

“She has your eyes,” you told him. “What’s wrong, baby?”

There was tears welling in his eyes again. You wiped them away as they began to fall.

“I was absent throughout so much of Casie’s childhood,” he explained. “My career took off and I was always touring or recording. I missed so many milestones and I constantly kick myself for it still. I was so excited when you found out you were pregnant, and even more so to have another beautiful baby girl to spoil. But the fact that my new album is set to come out in a few months and I’ll be expected to tour again after it’s released...I’m so scared I’ll miss Kennedy’s milestones, too. And you’ll resent me for it, then I’ll lose the both of you.”

You put your head on Colson’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around him. “I’d never resent you for doing your job, Colson. You’ll never lose me or Kennedy. I know how much you love making music, and I know you love the two of us, and Casie.”

Colson rested his head against yours. You both looked down at your beautiful baby girl, who was finished feeding and asleep yet again.

“I’m going to take time off when this album is finished,” Colson said. “I won’t tour right away, I’ll come home and spend so much time with you and Kennedy you’ll both get sick of me.”

You giggled. “We could never be sick of you.”

Colson cupped your chin so you’d face him and placed a tender kiss to your lips. “I love you so much.”

You smile. “I love you, too, Colson.”

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #mgk #estxx #everyone stands together #request #imagine #imagine request #one shot

498 notes · View notes

choibinn3 · 3 years ago

Text

get to know me game!!

tagged by: @tyunni

tagging: @tyuncafe this is suuper long btw so dont mind it if u dont wanna do it!! hehe

what day is your birthday? dec 8th, sunghoons bday 😥 (thats how i heard abt enhypen actually, my friend was like "OMGG u share a bday wirh my bias!!!!")

what’s your favorite color? pink <33 it makes me so happy

what’s your lucky number? 8!!! like my bday date :')

do you have any pets? no :(( want a kitty real bad though

how tall are you? skipping. no comment. next question.

how many pairs of shoes do you have? like THREE and i rotate between two ♥️

favorite song? kpop?? um rn fever by enhypen or ghosting.. non kpop would be amoeba by clairo (shits GOOD plz go listen to it)

favorite movie? not the biggest fan of movies, but im suuper into slasher films/horror!!! so maybe smthng from there??

what would your ideal partner be like? jungwon ♥️ LMAO

do you want children? nope!! love kids but parenting doesnt sound like smthng id want to do unfortunately

have you gotten in trouble with the law? not that i know od?? Dont tell anyone

bath or shower? shower.. i dont thinj ive ever taken a legitimate bath b4, always showered

what color socks are you wearing? soz to say this but socks suck!! also irs 11pm and im in bed BUT THAT STILL STANDS

favorite type of music? like genre?? no clue, but i typically like music that reminds me romantic pining (aka, fever ♥️ or around you by hyunjin)

how many pillows do you sleep with? pillows are four!!! plushies,?? infinite bitch!!

what position do you sleep in? curled up on my side hugging smthng hehe

what you don’t like when you’re sleeping? yk that sleep where like,, ure sleeping... but u feel awake the whole time?? and rhen u wake up fuckin groggy like uve just been lying there.. that.

what do you have for breakfast? no breakfast!!! 2 cool 4 that. also i wake up at like uhh 11am-3pm sometimes

have you ever tried archery? NO!! sharp objections should not be in my possession apparenrly. tch 😒

favorite fruit? strawberries? mangoes?? anything fresh

favorite swear word? no favs, jm too indecisive for that :((

do you have any scars? yea, i dont have a cool story for them though.. i was just a scab picker kid lol

are you a good liar? SHITTY. horrible, the worst. i cant lie dor shit nd it gets me all shcoked everytime someone is like "mai ure LITERALLY so bad at this" during a lying game lol

what’s your personality type? istp-t!! same as huening whoooo 🎉🎉

what’s your favorite type of girl? mean girls...... i jusy like mean ppl in general but mean gurls have a special space in my heart ♥️!! theyre so demonized but as long as theyre not acrually complete assholes (like homophobes, bigots yk?) they r everythint 2 me

innie or outtie? gots an innie :]

left or right handed? right

favorite food? no favs again!!! but SPICY FOOD YUMM

favorite foreign food? probs uhh Bún bò Huế!!! im viet so idk if that counts as "foreign" but omgg ITS SO GOOD

are you clean or messy? messy!! i feel like everythings much more comfy and natural.. not like too messy though

most used phrase? BARK BARK (not proud of this one guys)

how long does it take you to get ready? like 40-60mins... ONLY BC i zone out tthough and forgot im meant to be gettinf ready LOL

do you talk to yourself? Yes. i do <3 thats also why i read&write fanfictions

do you sing to yourself? mhm!!! esp when the songs too good i sing along or throughout the day

are you a good singer? actually, literally not sure at all. i took chorus since like elementary school tho if that helps

biggest fear? heights and commitment ♥️

are you a gossip? what does this mean. but i think?? i like heaeinf gossip but im not tonna get outta my way to talk abt it ?

do you like long or short hair? on myself short!!! but guys&girls nd just everyone in general look so damn good with long hair sometimes

favorite school subject? none lol <33!! school sucks this question pains me every time i see it on back2school answer sheets

introvert or extrovert? introvert, im a lil hermit all cooped up inside my room all the tim3 ://

what makes you nervous? ppl i like are cool!!! or like ppl in general, i cant even order my boba by myself dude

who was your first real crush? i THINK. it mightve been my bff from when i was in 5th grade.. idk if this counts bc i (THINK) but like...... i cried so fucking much when we stopped being friends. it felt like a breakup and im still not over it tbh (tmi?)

how fast can you run? not fast at all but i can JUMP

what color is your hair? black, still have virgin hair!!

do you like your own name? umm tbh no, but my screen name (mai) is my middle name anyways so i dont think that matters too much

what makes you angry? people who dont listen :( pisses me off but tbh i dont get angry often

do you want a boy or a girl as a child? NEITHER. if i had to pick maybe boy but NOOOOO

what are your strengths? ive been told im endearingly stupid (like twice by the same friend) and it stuck with me. like AWWW :(( U THINK IM ENDEARINGG??

what are your weaknesses? id say im too socially anxious, public speaking makes my hands shake and i cant speak so its real bad

what’s the color of your bedspread? like white with blue polka dots ^_^

what’s the color of your room? this nice beige color,, like the color of my blog rn actually!!!! i based it off of jungwons color scheme but ig this works too

#🏷.tagged #🍓.moots #THIS WAS SOO FUNNN #THANK U TYUNNI FOR TAGGING ME #ACK #I HOPE someone reads this OTHERWISE ILL BE EMBARRASSED #or like dont #THERES SO MUCH TMI IN THERE OMG

4 notes · View notes

mad4cheez · 4 years ago

Text

Talked about fanfic with a friend today and then watched Kajillionaire and now all I can think about is a Melanie/Old Dolio hurt/comfort fic that I will never write featuring:

-framing narrative because who am I if not ambitious in my storytelling

-okay so the framing narrative is Old Dolio and Melanie drifting apart because Old Dolio might have friends so many years down the line but she’s never dated or been “properly” loved by anyone but Melanie

-Melanie tells Old Dolio she can go explore her feelings with other people if she wants and it’s a very weird conversation where both are unhappy with the outcome and this whole situation might end their relationship

-but then we have so many flashbacks to the building of this relationship, among which we see:

-immediately following the end of the film narrative, Old Dolio buys some new clothes with some of her third but they’re just as baggy and shapeless cmon a little makeover montage would be CUTE

-Old Dolio continuing to sleep on that little mat next to Melanie’s bed for SO LONG because she’s been so literally touch starved she still can’t stand too much physical contact at once or she WILL burst into tears

-Melanie asks Old Dolio what she wants to do now but she doesn’t know (obviously she can’t keep running the cons like her parents the whole point of the movie was moving away from your abusive past but cmon a lil gay crime is fine now and then dw)

-Melanie tells Old Dolio to walk around LA and see if there’s anything she likes (bc Old Dolio doesnt know what she likes that’s never mattered before)

-Old Dolio does just that while Melanie is at work, and she has this crazy adventure that would be a whole chapter where she decides she likes graffiti art and seagulls and weird synth music and French fries and the colour yellow, and really does NOT like the beach (too sandy) and of course she can’t walk into a mall without stealing something but she only walked away with like a cheap pair of earrings with little cat faces from like Claire’s but her ears aren’t pierced so she gives them to Melanie who wears them for like three months straight

-Melanie also spends this time thinking about what she really wants, but she’s thinking more like “how to make myself happy” bc she was encouraged to be a person growing up

-Melanie decides she wants to cut hair!! And play a sport regularly! And take a pottery class!

-hair school results in Old Dolio learning how to support Melanie. It’s messy but ultimately works because only Old Dolio can dance around that way and remind Melanie what’s really important

-sports is... listen, Melanie isn’t good at basketball per se, but really the trouble comes from Old Dolio feeling replaced

-so of course that leads to another long conversation about friends and feelings and Melanie agrees to help Old Dolio try and find some of that

-the pottery class they take together and Old Dolio is surprisingly good at it but it’s a bust for Melanie. Old Dolio makes friends with the weird old lady who also dresses mostly in track suits and they never speak but they’re pretty close

-we also see melanie trying out different things with Old Dolio like star gazing and clubbing and rec sports and Old Dolio is bad at everything but she likes dancing and she likes being alone with Melanie

-but (very) frustratingly (especially for Melanie), there is no more kissing for a long while after that store kiss. I think there were a few times where Melanie forgets and tries to be affectionate and Old Dolio reacts adversely and then feels bad about it and they have to talk about what they’re both comfortable with

-and eventually of course Old Dolio gets hurt (probably while trying to roller blade) but it’s worse than she’s had to fix before and she’s shutting Melanie out trying to fix it and this (of course) results in a big smooch fest, with lots of checking for consent

-and then maybe we skip forward in the flashbacks to a few months later and Melanie and Old Dolio have found their rhythm and they’re touching a little more but it’s still electric because Old Dolio has to be eased into touch and it’s so domestic and so good. There are still land mines for both of them but they’ve managed to avoid any for awhile at this point. Lots of kissing, no sex yet (cmon you thought it would be that easy)

-Melanie’s introduced Old Dolio to a couple of her friends, some are good friends, some are.. not good. Old Dolio doesn’t know how to deal with this

-one of the good ones (I’m naming him Pavan) nicknames Old Dolio “Odie” and it sticks and she’s weirded out at first (“but that’s not my name” “no silly it’s a nickname. Like sweetheart or hun, but for everyone to use”) but then she grows to like it a lot more (hello heartfelt renaming scene we let go of the burdens our parents gave thank you amen) ((also thank god now I can just call her Odie))

-haircut scene!!! Melanie convinces Odie to let her cut her hair “just a bit” and it actually turns out so well - still long, but shaped nicely and lets people see her face more

-and there also Odie helping Melanie to cut out some of the more toxic friends, friends who are mean and make you feel bad and aren’t we supposed to be looking for what makes us feel good? Maybe this is where they have sex for the first time and it’s so sweet and loving and Odie has no idea what she’s doing but she’s a quick and eager learner and Melanie is ready to go just from all the build up

Listen I’m just emotional about Gina Rodriguez playing a queer woman and having a story about seizing control of your identity and choosing to unlearn everything your parents taught you I guess Kajillionaire was good okay

#Kajillionaire #gina rodriguez #Evan Rachel wood #melanie/Old Dolio #old Dolio #fanfic #ficlet #mine #long post #text #sorry guys I’m bad at mobile idk where the bullet points are #or how to make an under the cut #but I have a lot of thoughts about this #wlw

3 notes · View notes

shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years ago

Text

lion tamer izzy stradlin x reader

+++++++++

a little break from motionless and def leppard lol. i havent written for izzy in a while but he baby so here you go, have something cute. i have two more lepp fics coming out in the next couple days though so enjoy

she unedited lol sorry if there are mistakes

song: caffeine cold by fall out boy

Edit cause I forgot to add:

Tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

"come on iz, youre last."

i sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the backseat of my car. i swung his arm over my shoulder and tried to distribute the weight but it wasnt really working. he was basically dead at this point, stumbling around as i walked us to the door. we had all gone out to celebrate the new album release and they had all drank a little too much. i of course was left as the designated driver per usual since i didnt really drink, nor did i usually mind. tonight however was a task, like herding kittens, each member getting side tracked at something new as i tried desperately to get them into their houses or hotel rooms and into their beds. Izzy of course was last, letting me stay with him while i was in town for the release party and start of the press tour.

"youre really good at this."

izzy complimented, a long string of words pouring out of his mouth as i unlocked the door and shoved his keys back in his jacket pocket.

"thanks iz, someones got to be or else you would be on the floor more often."

just as i was closing the door he moved forward without me and tripped, dropping straight to the ground. i sighed as he rolled over and laughed.

"like that."

i pointed out. he kept laughing as he sat up, taking the hand i offered to him. instead of getting up though he just pulled me down with him, me dropping to my knees with a loud thud. he giggled some more at the exasperated look on my face.

"now youre on the floor too."

he laughed out, poking his finger at me. i rolled my eyes and stood back up, walking around him, pushing my arms under his and lifting him to his feet.

"woah."

he said a little stunned that i had just dead lifted him off the floor.

"have you been working out?"

he questioned as i turned him and put his arm around my shoulders again.

"yeah, its called moving five drunk toddlers around."

he sent me a sleepy smile as we finally made it down the hall.

"that sounds like a lot of work."

he said matter of factly, dropping the bottle i didnt know he had onto the soft carpet of his bedroom floor.

"you have no idea."

i grumbled as i leaned into him and pushed him to the bed with my shoulder, watching him roll onto his side and his hand drop to his stomach.

"oop, nope, hold on."

he said standing quickly and dropping in front of the trash can by his nightstand. i looked to the ceiling as he threw up, cringing at it. i looked back down when he inhaled deeply and he was already on his way back to standing.

"okay sir, time to brush your teeth now."

he whined as i helped usher him to the bathroom.

"do i have to?"

he protsested as i squirted the toothpaste onto the brush and wet it, handing it to him.

"yes, if you dont i will."

he dropped his shoulder and stuck the brush in his mouth, moving it around and leaning in to look at himself in the mirror. as he pushed it around his gums he grinned widely at himself, the bubbles around his mouth making him look like a clown. i shook my head at him.

"dont forget your tongue."

i reminded and he turned to me to stick it out, closing his eyes and brushing down it.

"thank you."

i said, crossing my arms over my chest and he bent down and spit into the sink, holding his head under the faucet so he could rinse his mouth out. when he stood back up he sent me another sleepy smile, dropping the toothbrush onto the counter.

"now what?"

he asked like a giddy child. i placed my hand firmly at his back and pushed him back out into the room.

"now you go to bed."

i said a little hopeful. he pouted at me in return.

"aww but y/n i dont want to go to bed. the night is still young and so are we."

he said, plopping down on the side of the mattress.

"we'll still be young in the morning when you get up. in a pain and possibly hungover but young none the less."

he frowned at me as i moved to take the denim jacket off his arms.

"do i get to take your clothes off?"

he asked, wiggling his eye brows at me.

"no, now take your shirt off, i dont even want to know what it is you have down the front of you."

he looked down at it confused before shrugging and doing as told.

"anything else you want me to remove?"

he said reaching out for my hand and holding it, looking up at me intently.

"shoes, off."

i demanded and he smiled widely at me, kicking them off.

"pants too?"

he said seductively. i rolled my eyes.

"only if you dont want to wear jeans to bed but you had better have underwear of some kind on this time izzy stradlin or i swear to god."

he laughed before standing up and undoing his pants, and there it was, of course he wasnt wearing any. i groaned and turned around.

"oh come on y/n its not like you havent seen it before, you practically lived here for three months."

i shook my head and went to his dresser.

"i know that izzy but that doesnt mean you have to just have it out all the time."

i shook my head and grabbed him some underwear and pajama bottoms, tossing them his way. i didnt want to look but it was kind of hard to miss, he was standing fully nude now in the middle of his bedroom, hands on his hips in fully glory.

"get dressed."

i demanded, making him laugh again before doing as told. i crossed my arms over my chest as he fumbled around to get dressed, plopping back down onto the bed when he was done.

"better?"

i asked a little annoyed, walking to him and trying to tuck him in. getting him under the covers was more of a task than i thought it would be.

"wanna join?"

he asked, raising a brow and smirking at me.

"no thank you, i have my own bed in this house."

he grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. i caught myself before i could fall into him and was face to face now. he smelled like vodka and mint.

"please? itll help me sleep better knowing youre here."

he said, pouting. i sighed.

"fine, but im only doing this to make sure you dont vomit in your sleep and kill yourself."

he smiled widely before scooting over and letting me in, me kicking my shoes off first and readjusting the dress i had on. before i knew what was happening he was snuggled into my side, face pushing into my neck and arm around my waist. my eyes got wide as he got comfortable.

"iz?"

he hummed in response.

"what are you doing?"

he just shushed me. a minute later he was snoring softly and i was left there in the dimly lit room defeated.

°°°°°°°°°

when i woke up i could smell something burning, making me jolt upright. izzy wasnt in the bed next to me like he was last night and it was only ten thirty. i found that odd given that we didnt even go to bed till almost four. i stood quickly, flattening my dress down and making my way down the hall to the kitchen. i stood in the doorway dumbfounded at the sight in front of me. there was izzy, smoking a cigarette and cooking breakfast. bacon and pancakes by the smell of it.

"morning sunshine."

he said fairly chipper, taking a sip from his mug. i raised a brow, pushing my bra strap back up onto my shoulder.

"morning."

i said confused. i stood and watched him flip the pancakes.

"you just gonna stand there all morning or are you gonna come eat?"

he half laughed at me, looking up with light eyes.

"uh yeah, sure."

i said slowly, trudging to him and taking the plate he offered up.

"drink?"

he asked, picking up the second mug that was on the counter. i took it without think and went to the bar. as soon as i took a sip i cringe.

"what the hell is this izzy?!"

i asked setting the plate down.

"orange juice and vodka."

he said matter of factly and i just sighed in defeat. no wonder he was so happy. that asshole still had alcohol in his system and was just adding more.

"you are gonna feel like shit later."

i noted, walking to the sink and pouring it down the drain. he sent me a wicked smile and cheersed me before taking a drink.

"i promise its nothing but coffee for me after this."

i sent him a disapproving look.

"sure it is."

he finished stacking pancakes onto his plate and joined me at the counter, sitting in the bar stool beside me.

"so, how did you sleep?"

he asked, resting his leg against mine comfortably.

"fine."

i said shrugging. he sent me a weird.

"you were in bed with me and just slept fine?"

i laughed at him and shook my head, pouring syrup on top of my food.

"well it wasnt exactly fun. you were so drunk it was a task to even get you into pajamas, much like last time you werent wearing anything under your jeans which i dont appreciate."

i said sternly and he smiled to himself, nodding like he'd accomplished something.

"yeah i forgot about that."

he said proudly. i rolled my eyes, taking a bite.

"well youre wearing some now and thats what really matters."

i said and he laughed.

"no im not."

i looked up at him with wide eyes.

"when i got up to pee earlier i realized i was wearing them and took them off, fuck that."

i sighed deeply but didnt respond. i just shook my head and kept eating.

"do you like it?"

he asked and i raised a brow.

"breakfast i mean."

i nodded.

"yes its very good."

he smiled widely at me.

"great cause its my apology for last night."

i looked at him confused.

"i know im a handful when drunk, hell i know we all are. you always take care us though, so i guess its a thank you too."

i smiled at him.

"thanks izzy."

he leaned over and nudged me with his elbow.

"dont mention it."

#wattpad x reader #Izzy Stradlin #gnr #imagines #one shots #241

29 notes · View notes

sweetwritertanya · 5 years ago

Note

started reading one of your works and without noticing two hours went by i should be sleeping rn lol i gotta say tho, as a chubby girl that has gotten too fat in the past years thanks to college/life stress, the way you write it makes me feel some type of way, in a good way of course, but it also reminded me how much i had let go of myself and how im definetly not getting intimacy irl ever again, yes i'm that insecure haha, so keep up the good work cause i'm gonna enjoy it for a while 🧡

Love, I can tell you that I was at my heaviest on the first year of college and guess what? It was at that point in my life that 3 different guys showed some interest in me. But I was so insecure I pushed all of them away.

Dont make my mistake. Size doesnt matter when it comes to love or intimacy sweetie, I hope you realize that.

The guys that you will want to date will never have a problem with your weight, those are the ones worth keeping around.

Now, if you truly dont feel comfortable with how you look, it is never too late to do something about it. But only if you do it for yourself, not anyone else! Trust me on this one, okay?

And I'm really happy you like this blog. Dont lose sleep over it though! My works will be here the next day, get your sleep! College students need it!

#ask #anon #body issues #insecurity #love my anons

3 notes · View notes

negasonicimagines · 6 years ago

Text

TEAM (Part Two)

I forgot to mention that this fic is partially inspired by Lorde’s “Team,” hence the title. Kind of about how no matter how much you and the other characters here bicker, you’re all on each others’ team.

This is the second part to TEAM (Part One) [but I hope that’d be obvious] and therefore is inspired by the same request and has essentially the same trigger warnings.

“So, you and Ellie, huh? About time,” Logan remarks, and you feel yourself blush.

“No! It’s not like that! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be the luckiest girl in the world, but, uh… No, it’s not like that.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen the way you two are together. When she’s not looking at you or her phone, she’s watching everyone else like a hawk, like they’re threats. Honestly, Piotr’s worried about her.”

At the mention of Wade’s friend, you’re reminded of what Logan said before, about the thing that he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, the thing Wade also knew.

“What was that, anyway? The thing you knew that you didn’t know before that you would’ve told me if you had but couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m afraid that’s Wade’s business.”

“Great,” you remark. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Listen, kid, I know the stuff he said-”

“Screamed.”

“The stuff he screamed at you was pretty fucking awful. But… He had his reasons, okay? Being around him, being as close to him as you were was dangerous. It made you a target,” Logan explains.

“When will you people realize that I can’t die forever?! I’ve died plenty of times, and I always come back! Let me make my own decisions!”

“How many times have you died, Y/N?” Logan asks.

“It’s just… Hard not to starve when my mom kicks me out over school breaks, especially with the metabolism that comes with a healing factor. I can’t stay with Wade all the time, he has himself and Al to worry about. Muggers don’t like when you don’t have money. Mom doesn’t like me when I don’t have money. I don’t know, probably like eight or nine times.”

“You should’ve come here!” Logan scolds, and you want to curl in on yourself, just like before. “I’m sorry. He and I both know just how much dying can fuck you up, so, to hear you say that you’ve died.... And that you don’t care if you do? It’s concerning, to say the least.”

“Boo-hoo, Y/N’s crazy. Who isn’t?” you remark, annoyed at his concern. Men, they always think they know better.

He sighs. “Listen. You should just talk to him, I’m sure-”

“No,” you say, and it comes out as a whimper. The wound was still fresh. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Logan reassures you. “He probably feels bad for what he said, and-”

“I said no,” you cut him off, but the sad tone in your voice doesn’t make you sound very convincing.

“And he’s not gonna apologize unless he thinks you wanna hear it. You know how Wade gets when he feels guilty, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna hear an apology. I just want him to be my friend again, like before. That’s it. I don’t care to know why, or how, or whatever. I just miss my friend,” you admit, and Logan sighs.

“Okay...”

“Is it alright if I go? I wanna get started on my Chemistry homework.”

“Yeah,” Logan says. “Go ahead. See you next Wednesday. Or, sooner, if you need anything.”

You leave the gym, making your way to your dorm with your head down, when you bump into a familiar red-suited man.

“Sorry,” you squeak, not even able to meet the eyes of the mask, before attempting to go past him. He stops you, grabbing at your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Please d-don’t…”

“Y/N…” Wade murmurs, filled with remorse at his rampage. He’d made you scared of him, which means it worked, but he regrets how much it hurt you. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re not, huh?” Ellie, swiftly approaching, asks. “Pretty sure you already did, Deadpool.”

“I just wanted-” he starts, but Ellie, your avenging angel, cuts him off.

“You just wanted what, huh? To terrorize them more, is that it?

“Terrorize? I-”

“You what? Didn’t? Because as someone who sleeps in the same room as Y/N, I can confirm that you did. They cry in their sleep like they did the day it happened. Did you know that, that you made them cry? I guess you do now. So, leave, before I decide I’m going to follow you out the door and blow you to Hell.”

“E-Ellie, I said not to hurt him,” you quietly tell her, and she clenches her fists, grumbling.

“You did?” Wade asks.

“Of course,” you respond meekly, tapping the tips of your fingers together and avoiding the gaze of everyone around you. and Ellie places an arm around you, glaring at Wade without mercy.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I just didn’t know what to do, so much was happening. I was so angry at the situation, so scared for your safety, and I took all that aggression out on you, the one person I should’ve been channeling those feelings into protecting, and I- I know I already said it, but I’m a blabbermouth with nothing else to say, so… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, kid. I know you probably don’t care, you just wanna start over and stay the hell away from me, but I’m sorry. And my door’s always open.”

“Thank you. I forgive you,” you nod, smiling a little, You’re already starting to feel better, more like yourself.

“You what?” Ellie questions, shaking with anger. “He hurt you. He shouldn’t ever be forgiven.”

“She’s right,” Wade agrees, head down.

“Well, it’s my forgiveness, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it,” you remind them, shrugging.

“There she is,” Wade says quietly, and you can somehow tell that he’s smiling. You don’t know if it’s body language, tone of voice, or what, but he’s smiling.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m gonna keep living here, and I’m gonna keep taking better care of myself, so no one has to worry about me again,” you inform him.

“Wrong goal, but I appreciate the method. I don’t mind worrying about you, kid, but I’d rather worry about you not doing your homework than about the next time you’re gonna collapse on my porch, dead.”

“What?” Ellie wonders, and you groan. “Wait, have you died?”

“Goddammit, Wade,” you grumble. “She didn’t know that.”

“H-how?”

“Not important,” you tell her.

“No, it is, Y/N. You want all of us to get over the fact that you can die, but the truth is that you need to get over the fact that we care if you die,” Wade corrects you. There’s no malice in his tone, but the words themselves cause anxiety to slither out of the pit of your stomach like a snake and curl around your lungs and heart, maintining a tight grip.

“It’s because of you not eating or sleeping enough, isn’t it?” Ellie asks. “That’s what you guys were in that fight about the other morning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you admit, and Ellie closes her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to remain calm for your sake, for her own sake.

“Right,” she responds, sighing. “Well, I’m not letting that happen again.”

“Challenge accepted,” you chuckle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just on my way back to Photography. Forgot my camera. See you later.”

She makes her way in the direction of the classroom, disappearing around a corner.

“Man, if she didn’t hate me before, she sure does now,” Wade says, and you smile, shaking your head. “Really?” he asks.

“Photography is Mondays and Thursdays… And she didn’t even have her camera.”

Wade scoffs. “Well, she’s definitely taking good care of you. I always knew she would, one day. When did you two finally make it official? I’m sorry that I missed it.”

“We haven’t made anything official, Wade, she doesn’t like me like that. We’re just close friends.”

He rolls his eyes, going to playfully shove your shoulder, but you flinch away. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I- I was so cruel, I just wanted to say whatever i could to get you away, to protect you, from m-”

“From what? The thing Logan keeps talking about?”

“What thing?” he asks, sounding a bit panicked.

“He keeps saying that there’s this thing he knows that he would’ve told me if he’d known before but he shouldn’t tell me now. It’s super weird, but he said you were going to tell me before you- You-” You stop yourself from continuing, still, shaking a little bit at the memory. It was only the day before yesterday.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. “It was part of the reason I did that. I just- Us being friends was already dangerous, and you being- You- You’re- I- I’m so sorry I left you with her, if I’d known, if I’d known she was pregnant...I would’ve done the right thing! I’m not that kind of dirtbag, you’ve gotta believe me, and I’m just so, so sorry. Everything that’s wrong with your life, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just thought- If I’d just thought, but I was young, and stupid, and there’s nothing I can do now except own up to it, own up to the fact that I- I am- I’m- Oh, please…” He practically falls into you, wrapping his arms around your neck. You feel him shake with sobs, and you cry, too, but with a different emotion. Not regret, but happiness.

“You? You’re him?” you ask, and he readjusts himself, backing away from you.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before hugging, I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard, and you’re my best friend, and I- I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m so sorry that I’m your father.”

“You are? You’re sorry?” you ask, knowing that he’s apologizing because he regrets it, regrets you and your entire existence.

“Not in the way you’re thinking! You- You deserve so much better, I wanted so much better for you,” he reassures you, or, at least, attempts to.

“How do you even know?”

“I just… I talked to Xavier to see if he had any connections that could help me find your father, and he said he did, but he insisted that I give him a sample of my DNA to see if they match before he used his connections. I laughed it off, but then… it was a match.”

“How’d you get my DNA?” You wonder.

“Oh, I stuck a cotton swab in your mouth while you were sleeping. Wasn’t hard, you’re a really heavy sleeper,” he says, and you have a faint memory of the dream you had about a week ago where you were abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest your DNA to create genetically modified pet humans for their home planet. You laugh.

“So, you found out it was a match, and then… You were angry about it? Hated that the Wilson family legacy wasn’t going to end with you?”

“No. I was angry, yeah, but at myself. I was irresponsible, and my best friend in the whole world sufferred because of it. I never recognized your mom the times I’d seen her, and we had sex!”

“You had sex with my mom? Bro code violation alert!” you joke, and he chuckles bitterly.

“Right?” he responds. “But… I don’t even know where to go from here. Things can’t go back to normal, that’s not okay. I need to step up. And, even if it was the right thing to do, going back to normal… I get the feeling that you’re not gonna be that comfortable around me for a while. I was… I was just like my dad. My worst fucking fear.”

“You’re not him, okay? I promise.”

“I should be comforting you,” he says, stepping towards you. Out of renewed instinct, you step back. He’s heartbroken.

“Try- Try not to take it personally, I’m like this with just about everybody,” you attempt to make him feel better, but he shakes his head.

“You haven’t been like this with me, not before- Before I did what I did. Said those things, those awful, untrue things. Why did I say those things? They weren’t the truth, they were the opposite of it. I love hearing from you, it makes every day better. Finding you on my couch is a great feeling, knowing that someone as great as you trusts me, sees me as someone who can keep them safe.”

“And my memes?” You ask in a sarcastically accusatory tone.

“The funniest,” he replies. “Can I- Can I give you a hug?”

You nod, and he surges forward, wrapping you up in his arms and spinning you around.

“I always hoped it’d be like that,” you quietly admit, and he beams.

“Listen, we can talk later at dinner. I think you’ve got a certain girl you need to talk to, and she and her metal accomplice are approaching.”

“I think she’s his accomplice,” you correct with a laugh.

“Gotta bounce before the hardest guy on Earth ropes me into another mission. I’ll be back, though, kid.”

“Yeah. See you soon…”

“Wade’s fine for now, unless you wanna call me something else. We can negotiate later, ‘kay? Love you, bye.” Wade scurries down the hall, not realizing that he’s going towards the dorms, not the exit.

“Wade Wilson!” calls Piotr from behind you, and you turn around to see that Ellie is far closer to you than she is to Piotr, having gone faster on her smaller, lighter legs.

“Uh, hello…” you say dumbly.

“Based on your expression, I’d say that discussion went well.”

“Very well. Thank you for giving him the opportunity to talk to me alone, I’m sure you didn’t wanna do that.”

“I didn’t, but I figured it was the best option. Tell me more on the way to the dorm.”

“Well, uh… He apologized, a lot. Not just for the fights.”

“For letting you die?”

“No. Worse.”

“Holy shit, what’d he do, and why haven’t I heard about it?” She asks, tense.

“Because I didn’t know,” you reply defensively. “He’s- He’s my biological father, Ellie.”

“Whoa… Seriously? How long has he known?”

“I don’t know, but not long, the DNA tests were recently. He just wanted to help me find my dad and when he asked Xavier if he had any way of helping, the Professor said that he had to submit a sample to be tested. Turn’s out the old man’s hunch was right. You… You still wanna be friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?” Ellie wonders.

“I just- I know you don’t like Wade very much, and I’m technically his daughter, so…”

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,” Ellie argues, and then covers her mouth.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, but just, like, in a friend way,” she plays it off rather smoothly, in her opinion, but you sigh in disappointment before you can stop yourself. “Wait, do you love me in a not-friend way?”

“Not really sure what you wanna hear,” you respond, feeling the recently-sealed cracks in your heart refracturing.

“Do you?” she asks.

You’re silent as the two of you walk to your shared dorm.

“Y/N, I asked you a question. Do you love me as a friend, or as more?”

You feel overheated and nauseous, that’s how nervous you are. You attempt to take some steadying breaths before answering: “More.”

“Oh, thank god…” she sighs. “I- I told you on Monday, when you fell asleep with me. But you were asleep, so, you didn’t hear me… Duh… I sound so stupid right now, don’t I?”

“No, not at all! Jeez, today just keeps getting better and better, I mean it!” You exclaim.

“Can- Can I kiss you?” Ellie asks nervously, and your eyes widen, but you nod. She takes your face in her hands and just goes for it, pressing her lips to yours. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her neck while her hands slip past your face and into your hair, tugging gently. You let out a small, quiet moan at that, and you can feel her smirk a little. She kisses you faster, pushing her body closer to yours, and your knees give out. She catches you in the nick of time, laughing a bit at how easily flustered you are as she nudges you toward the bed, sitting there with you. “Your knees are right, we probably shouldn’t rush into things.”

“Yeah…” you admit, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I love you…” She mumbles. “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually.”

“Same here. When did you know?”

Ellie replies: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I can tell you first, if you want,” you offer.

“Yeah, do that…” She says.

“I just realized that every time I was upset, you were there, making me feel better. Even if you didn’t know it. Every time my mom hit me, or I got stabbed by an asshole mugger, or I was about to faint from hunger… You were right there. Making my life better just by existing.”

“I wish I could’ve been right there in person, to help you,” Ellie says, and you shake your head.

“That’s not the point. The point is that you did, without even trying. You always make me happy, without even trying.You just have to be there and everything is better.”

“That’s really nice… I feel dumb now,” Ellie confesses.

“It’s not dumb! Probably not, I mean…” you reply, nuzzling her chest a bit as you try to get a bit cozier.

“Um...You probably don’t know this, but I used to get in fights a lot before we met. And Piotr would always lecture me, telling me it wasn’t heroic to fight out of anger. That I should fight for something, not because of something. That I should be aware of the consequences that come with fighting, and truly think about them before I did. I never understood what he meant, and then we met and became friends… Then best friends…

“I didn’t even realize that before every fight, even the ones I was assigned, I’d think about how I was going to make the world a better place for you. I’d think about what you would think if you heard what I was doing. I- I made a mistake at one point, got angry over nothing and got into another stupid, pointless fight. It was the first time in awhile I’d heard Colossus’s spiel, and I realized my thinking process with every world he spoke. It all just made me think of how I feel about you. You’d made me a better person, more mindful of the consequences of my actions, my thoughtless, immature violence. That’s when I knew.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s way better than mine and not embarrassing at all! Show-off,” you remark, and she chuckles.

“That was fucking beautiful!” Wade wails from behind the door.

“I think I liked it better when you two weren’t friends,” Ellie comments, and you smile at her, shaking your head. She takes your hand in hers and squeezes gently.

“Oh, come on. You can’t hate him. I mean, I wouldn’t exist without him, for a few reasons. I mean, he’s the one who passed me the gene for a healing factor, even if his was recessive before. And, I mean, he’s the sperm donor either way.”

“I heard that!” he shouts, and Ellie smiles at you, planting another kiss on your lips.

You could get used to this.

32 notes · View notes

baekuras · 11 months ago

Text

of course the one day of the week i have fully off my internet has been super spotty the entire time so i couldn't do anything i wanted to, nor got any household chores done because i was too annoyed at my plans being disrupted

i have been rewatching Shingeki no Bahamut the entire day and i am almost done with it (:

#txts #this...is so annoying #it's literally going in and out at a pace of seconds now #previously it was minutes #and before that it was off completely #i should have stayed awake long last night instead of going to bed at a reasonable time #hoping to accomplish what i have done full of energy after a good nights sleep #reminder to myself: A it doesnt matter how much sleep you get-if you work next day you'll be tired anyway #and B: don't get the next day started because it'll just be a waste #yes i am bitter and pissy about this right now #well stil #it's been 8hours #the wifi isn't even staying on long enough for me to get some internet on my phone (:#i literally just wanted to go study some stuff and then play for a bit #can't do either bc thats on the internet #well and said game i wanted to play AFTER studying so #brain says no all plans are off bc one thing didn't work out fuck yourself #venting #rant

1 note · View note

fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years ago

Text

Happier (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: This is one of the first requests in my inbox and im sorry it took this long to write this. I just got inspired last mightt. sorryy love youuu

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

Walking down 29th and Park I saw you in another’s arms You look happier

“Hey, woah slow down Tae. How many glass have you drank?” Jimin snatched his glass away and Taehyung smirked.

“Oh come on Chim. Its a party. A happy occassion! Shouldnt we be happy too? Let me drink!” He growls and tries to get his glass back but Jimin pull his hand away.

“How long are you going to be this way? Are you going to get drunk everytime you remember her? Everytime theres a couple? A wedding? An engagement? Anything thats reeks happiness or reminds you of love?!”

“Yeah. I am! So what?!” Taehyung growls and sneered at his friend, trying to find another glass.

“Get over her already Kim Taehyung!” Jimin yelled. “Get over Y/N!”

“I cant. Not when she looks so happy in another man’s arm. No one should be able to make her happy like that except for me Chim! No one!” Taehyung sighed and slumped down on the chair.

“But you are the one wbo blew it Tae. Its your own damn fault and you got no one to blame,” Jimim rubs his friend’s back. He knows how heart broken Taehyung is but theres realy no one else to blame but himself. “Now man up. Its a party and you wont ruined it just because you cant see anyone else happy and in love!” Jimin growls and shakes Taehyung’s shoulder. “Shes happier now and you should be happy for her, and thats that,”

Saw you walk inside a bar He said something to make you laugh I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours Yeah, you look happier, you do

Its only been a few months after their fateful breakup that Taehyung saw Y/N again. He saw her in her favorite scarf and beanie, fighting the cold weather, her nose and the tip of her ears slightly pink. Taehyung loves that look on her. He always teased her about it when they were together. Without realizing, his legs has taken him into her direction, wanting nothing more than to tap her shoulder and tell her how much he misses her, but Taehyung never get the opportunity when clumsy as she is, she bumped into someone the moment she walked into the bar, spilling the glasses of beer the man is holding. And before he knows it, the two of them are talking and laughing to the wee hours, the man’s friends forgotten and Taehyung sat alone by the corner, just staring at them.

His last memory of hers… her crying face, her eyes thats filled with pain.. now is replaced by the wide smile on her face, laughing at something the man said. If only Taehyund had walked faster. If only Taehyung grabbed her hand first before she enters the bar, if only she wasnt clumsy. So many ifs but everything is too late when all he can see now is Y/N’s big grin that matches the man as they exchanged phone numbers.

If only he could turn back time and treat her right.

Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain’t nobody love you like I do

Y/N and Taehyung has been together for almost 10 years. Well, they will be 10 in a few months and Y/N loves him like no other. Dating an idol was never easy. Especially if the said idol is extremely well known and good looking and she is just a normal girl. Its fate they met and fall in love. Y/N had refused his invitation for drinks multiple times when they first met, but Taehyung was relentless. He keeps showing up and asking her out, and who in the world could resist Kim Taehyung’s charms when he decides to put it to good use on someone. So, after months of persuading and convincing, Y/N finally said yes to a coffee date.

A simple coffee date turns to talking all day long. They laugh, they share their interests, they shared stories, and they even continued their coffee date to a night walk by the Han river which they ended up sitting and talking until the break of dawn. As Taehyung walks Y/N home, he finally finds the courage to ask for her phone number and one simple coffee date turns to lunches, movies, walk in the parks, dinners and on their 10th date, Taehyung finally asks her to officially become his, which Y/N said yes to without hesitation.

Taehyung and Y/N are madly in love, and eventhough they were not allowed to date in public, that didnt seem to stop them as their love for each other burns quite strongly. Y/N believes that no matter what happen, they can take it, just as long as Taehyung continues to love her.

Nine years they have been together. They are in love and happy and Taehyung couldnt have asked for more. Y/N is understanding, beautiful, smart, sweet and everything else he ever wanted in a girl, but Yerin came like a summer breeze in his comfortable winter with Y/N. Hr met when Yerin, a rookie idol, was casted as one of the model for their music video. She is fresh, young, charming and new and for some odd reason, out of the sevem boys, she seemed to be interested in him. Yerin didnt know at first, to the world Taehyung is a single man, and by the time she found out that Taehyung is in a long term serious relationship, she has already fallen too deep in love with him,amd a girlfriend wont stop her efforts in persuing Kim Taehyung.

Relentless and determined to make Taehyung hers, she become his dream girl, his one place to vent about work stress… or when he has fight with Y/N. Tiny unimportant arguments turns into bigger fights led Taehyung to not coming home for days. And Yerin swoop in to take the opportunity and on one drunken night at a bar listening to Taehyung vent about the fights led to sleepless night in her bed, doing things he shouldnt have. One night turns to many, once a week turns to almost everyday and soon enough Taehyung is convinced that he is in love with Yerin too.

So Y/N becomes a punch bag. A person to release his anger on when he got into a fight with Yerin. When he is jealous about Yerin’s intinate closeness with her co star. Smiles and sweet nothings are only whispered in Yerin’s ears and only harsh words of insults and yelling are left for Y/N.

Nine years theu have been together. Ten in a few months, and Y/N knkws something has changed in her relationship Taehyung. Is it her? Did she do something? Did she changed? Is that why Taehyung hates her so much?

Tears dripped down on the cold floor as she kneeled down to pick up the remains of the food that she worked so hard to cook as a surprise for him and scattered pieces of the broken plate that Taehyung threw on the floor earlier before storming out. Just because she asks him where he had been when she calls the dorm and the boys said he were not there. Just because of that one question, Taehyung pushed down everything on the table to the floor in rage before storming off, not coming home for the next three days. Dont even get her started on the harsh words Taehyung said to her every day, cancelling on date nights for no reason at all even when she is already fully dressed and pushing her away when she tries to kiss him. Y/N starts to keep to herself, crying herself to sleep whenever Taehyung stormed off or didnt make it home for the night, keeping quiet when he is around, afraid anything she said will set him off, all the while trying to think of the mistake she did that seems to make Taehyung to stop loving her.

But no matter how she tried, she doesnt know why. Y/N was almost convinced that maybe Taehyung’s love for her has expired. Maybe love does have an expired date after all. After all, they have been together for nearly 10 years, maybe he is bored of her already.

Then one fateful day, when she decides to come home early from work, she finally found out why.

The red stilletos placed neatly in front of the door is definitely not hers. But even with a panic rising in her chest, Y/N tries to reason with herself. Maybe one of the boys comes over to visit Taehyung and brought their girlfriend with them. Yes, that could be it. But the dim lighted house when she entered and the trail of clothes leading to their bedroom are making it hard to believe the reason she just came out with.

The noise she heard as she neared the room is making her thoughts came true and the sight she sees when she pushed open the door slightly confirmed everything.

Y/N covered her mouth with both of her hand as she stood there watching her boyfriend thrusting in and out of a woman she has never seen before. Their loud moans and being lost in pleasure distract them from seeing her there, and with tears running down her face, Y/N turned around and went out from the house, eliminating all traces that she has been there and witness the whole thing.

Maybe its a one time thing. She can forgive a one time thing right? Everyone make mistakes and Taehyung is only human. He loves her. Taehyung still loves her.

Atleast that is what she keeps tellimg herself as she comes home hours later, pretending like nothing happened.

Y/N’s hope and trust that its a one time thing broke into pieces when she starts to caught them multiple times, everywhere. Even worse when she caught Taehyung talking to the girl on the phone, and texting her. Her heart shattered into pieces when she finally heard it. Taehyung’s hush voice, under the blanket.

“I love you Yerin, goodnight angel,”

All this time Y/N pretended not to know that her boyfriend is sleeping with someone else, in her own house too. She pretended not to know, hoping its just a fling, something Taehyung needed to get out from his system. She knows she can forgive him, just as long as he tells her he still loves her.

But telling the other girl he loves her? Y/N knew then that their relationship is over. And she knows just the perfect gift she could give to the man she loves, one last time.

Sat on the corner of the room Everything’s reminding me of you Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you’re happier Aren’t you?

Why didnt he notice her smile that just didnt reached her eyes anymore? Or the way she goes to bed early? Or how she always refuses date night saying shes too exhausted? And her puffy and red eyes like she has been crying all night when she wakes him up for breakfast? Why didnt he see all that?

Taehyung took a swig from the already half empty bottle as he thinks about all the things he should have noticed. Things that showed Y/N already knows about his infidelity. Knows how he already broke her heart.Things he should have done. This is his usual routine whenever they dont have a schedule now, crawled into a corner at a nameless bar where no one would recognize him and drinks up one whole bottle or whatever bottle that he is sober enough to order next, thinking about his memories with Y/N. The good memories, the bad memories, and just memories of her. The way she walks, talks, laugh and smile. The way she always smell, of roses and vanilla, the way she needs to drink a cup of milk before she can fall asleep, the way she loves to dance in the rain. Every single thing reminds Taehyung of Y/N. So he drinks. He keeps on drinking until all theres left are hazy memories of her, and yet, when he wakes up after passing out at some alleyway the next morning, her face is always the first thing that appeared in his mind.

Taehyung shouldnt be this way. He shouldnt even feel this way. He shouldnt even be thinking about Y/N at all. Y/N has found someone new. Someone who can make her laugh better, smile wider, happier even, and she dont need him anymore. But why is it Taehyung needs her more than ever now?

Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain’t nobody need you like I do I know that there’s others that deserve you But my darling, I am still in love with you

“T-Taehyung?” Y/N’s sleepy eyes popped wide open when she realized who is at her door at 4 am in the morning, looking drunk as hell and disheveled.

“Baybeeeee,” Taehyung slurred as he stumbled into the door, trying to kiss her but Y/N avoided him.

“Tae go home. Its 4 am and you are drunk,”

“I-Im not drunkkk. I want to see my babybeee,” he giggles and stumbled into the couch.

“Tae…” Y/N sighed. “Just stay there. Ill make some coffee to help you sober up and then maybe you can go home,” Y/N make sure he is safe and comfortable on the couch before heading to the kitchen to make him the coffee and some snacks. By the time she came back, Taehyung is already fast asleep, drooling on her couch. She stood there in front of him, a steaming cup of coffee in one hand, looking at him sadly.

“I guess… we just have to talk tomorrow then. Sleep well Taehyung,”

/////

“Hey… how are you feeling?” Taehyung feels like he has woken up in heaven when the first thing he sees is Y/N’s face smiling in front of him if its not for the killer headache attacking his head right at that moment.

“Like dying,” he groans out. Y/N giggles at his answer and even then he feels his heart skipped a beat from the sound.

“I know. You are hangover. Drink this. It will help,” she pushes a glass of hot beverage in front of him and some pills. “And I made breakfast too. Eat up before you go okay,” the thought of Y/N making him breakfast sends his heart into a frenzy but then he remembers her next words, ‘before you go’ . Right. They are no longer together. He can no longer lounge and watch TV with her, legs tangling together after breakfast or his favorite, making sweet sweet love to her. Y/N belongs to someone else now. And he needs to go after he eats breakfast.

“Yeah.. thanks,” he takes a sip of the drink and swallow his pills. “I take it I was drunk and showed up at your house at late hours last night?”

“4 am to be exact,” she smiles.

“I’m really sorry Y/N,”

“Its okay Tae. It happens. I understand. Eat up and sober up okay? Your brothers must be worried about you,” she smiles again and start to get up but Taehyung stop her by pulling her hand.

“No. Theres no possible way that you can understand Y/N,” he looks at her straight in the eye. “You wont be able to understand how much I miss you, need you,”

“Taehyung, dont,” Y/N tries to shake her hand loose but to no avail.

“Please Y/N…”

“I-I dont know what you are asking from me. Taehyung we are over. I have met someone new now,” Y/N tries to shake her hand off again. “Tae… I’m happy with him,” Her words were like a blade to Taehyung’s heart. “You know I’m happy with him,”

“Y/N… I know you deserve to be happy. I know theres someone out there that deserves you more than me, that can treat you better, love you better…” he trailed off, hoping for a reaction.

Y/N just kept quiet, finally able to take her hand back after Taehyung let it go.

“But Y/N… give me a chance. You have loved me before. You can love me again. I will treat you the way you really deserve Y/N. Please…,” Taehyung begged, his eyes wide. “Y/N… I still love you. I am still so in love with you. I cant forget you. I cant move on from you,”

“Tae… please dont do this,” Y/N sniffles, tears threatening to fall down. “You know I love you before Tae. You are everything to me,” she cups his face. “But its over. You didnt choose me. So I chooses someone new Tae. And this breakup is the only gift I could give you,”

I could try to smile to hide the truth I know I was happier with you

“Happy anniversary Kim Taehyung. I cant believe its our 10th year together now,” Y/N smiles at him and Taehyung smiles back. God, he misses that smile. So beautiful. A smile that never fails to make all his bad days turns good again. That smile that never leave her face no matter how bad Taehyung treated her all this years. Abandoned her, keeping her a secret, yells at her, making her a punching bag, push her around, hurt her… everything bad he did, she only replied with that smile.

Why am I so stupid? Taehyung thought to himself. He already have the perfect angel bestowed upon him and all he do is take her for granted and hurt her. I’m never going to make her cry out of sadness ever again. Ever. I’m going to make it right this time. Who am I kidding? No one will ever be able to make as happy as she is. Y/N is the only one for me. Forever and always. I’m at my happiest only when I’m with her, and I’ll keep it that way.

Yerin was a mistake. He never loved her. He realized that now. Everything he did with her is out of lust, and blinded feelings. Y/N deserves better. Y/N is the only girl for him and he knows that now. Taehyung just hopes that he is not too late.

“Happy anniversary baby,” Taehyung closes the gap between them and hold her hand. He leans in to give her a kiss but Y/N titlted her head, avoiding it, making Taehyung confused. “Baby? Everything okay?”

“Everything is more than okay. Its great even,” Y/N smiles again, but her smile is sad this time. Taehyung furrowed her brows. Whats happening? He starts to panics when tears starts falling down her cheeks softly, but the smile still etched across her face.

“T-then why are you crying baby?”

“N-nothing. I’m just going to give you your present okay?”

“Okay. But wait!” Taehyung reached on the table and take the gift box that he had wrapped so carefully. “Open mine first. Its not much baby but I promise everything is changing starting now. That present is just the beginning,” he grins, knowing Y/N couldnt possibly understand what he is talking about.

“I…” Y/N looks down, not moving to take the box. “Just… I want to give you my present first okay Taehyung?”

“O-okay then baby. What is it?”

“I’m afraid its not something material,” she smiles. “But I know you will love it,”

“Really? What is it baby?” Taehyung smiles warmly at her. “Whatever it is you are giving me, I will like it anyway. Because it came from you,”

Y/N smiles and didnt say anything, moving closer to him and take his hand, her thumb carresing the back of his hand before the other carressed his cheeks. Her eyes look into his deeply, as if trying to remember his face one last time. Taehyung feels panic rising in his chest but keeps on smiling.

“My gift for you Taehyung, is a bit special. Since its our 10 years anniversary,” she looks down for a moment before lifting her eyes to look back into his, glazed with tears. “I’m giving you your freedom,”

“What do you mean? What freedom?”

“I’m breaking up with you Tae,” Y/N smiles softly, tears are again cascading down her cheeks.

“Breaking up?! What?! Baby no! I-”

“Listen to me!” Y/N raised her hand to stop him from talking. “I’m breaking up with you Tae, so you dont have to. I know about you and Yerin and I also know about how long it has been going on,” Taehyung felt all the blood is gone from his face as he tries to grab Y/N’s hand but she flinched away. “I’m giving you freedom from me Tae. So you dont have to cheat anymore. Go to her,”

“Baby no! I’m sorry!” Taehyung is also crying now. “Baby, I swear. Its a mistake. I-”

“Its not a mistake when it has been going on for more than a year Tae,” Y/N gave him a small smile. “I can see your face Tae. Your exhaustion whenever you are with me. How forced you feel when you have to come back to me when all you want is to be with her, right? Its alright. This is my final gift to you. You dont have to feel bad anymore. And I wont put this against you,” Y/N nods and pulls out something from behind the couch, her luggage that Taehyung recognized so well. He recognized because they bought it together. The stickers on it a reminder of all the places they have been together, creating memories, but now all torned up, leaving the surface if the luggage empty. Is she throwimg all their memories away?

“No. No! I’m not letting you go! Y/N, I’m sorry. I know. I know my mistake is too huge to be forgiven, but give me a chance to redeem myself. Just dont leave me, plesse baby,” he pleaded, begging desperately.

“I cant do that Tae. Every night when you didnt come home I cried in my bed, my head spinning, thinking if you are with her tonight. Thinking if you are doing the things you used to do with me. Are you happy with her? Are you sleeping soundly in her arms? I cant do that anymore Tae. I’m sorry but I cant,”

“I swear Y/N. Its over. Its really is over! Its you. You are the one I want. The one I love!” Taehyung tries to pull her back when she tries to wheel her luggage out the door.

“Tae.. I keep on thinking, wondering. Is there anything else that I could have done, that I should have do to prevented you from doing it… but I cant think of anything. I have given you my everything Tae bur its not enough,” Y/N sobs. “I realized it now. Im not enough. A-and this is the last thing I can give you to proof how much I love you,”

“If you love me, please dont go Y/N. Please dont. I will change. Ill do anything you want, please Y/N. I love you, I love you,” Taehyung is already on his knees, hugging her waist but she peeled off his hands that di wrapped around her.

“You dont love me Tae. If you do you wouldnt have done it. There must be something about her that makes you keep coming back… and I’m giving you the freedom to enjoy that with her. That is my last gift to you,” Y/N pushed his hands away and with tear stricken face turn to him one last time. “Happy anniversary Tae, you know I love you, but my love alone is not enough. You will be happier without me. Goodbye my love,”

And with that, Y/N walks out, never looking back.

Baby, you look happier, you do I knew one day you’d fall for someone new But if he breaks your heart like lovers do Just know that I’ll be waiting here for you

“Its been years Tae… you need to accept the fact that Y/N is happy and she is getting married okay?” Jimin sympathetically looks at his friend. “You want her to be happy dont you? And look at her Tae,” Jimin points to the front, where the main couple of the engagement party stood. “She looks so happy. Jungkook makes her happy, and you know that. He treats her right. She has been happy ever since she met Kookie at the bar,”

Taehyung look at the newly engaged couple in front of the room, Jungkook pulling Y/N, his now fiancee, in for a kiss as she blushes shyly and gave a weak smile towards Jimin.

“She doesnt just look happy Chim,” Taehyung said, making Jimin turned to him,curious as to what his friend is going to say. “She looks extremely happier. Happier than she ever did with me… and thats a good thing right?” Taehyung finishes off his glass in one gulp. “But I’ll be here Chim. I’ll be waiting for her here, forever. And if I ever be given the chance again, then I’ll make her even happier than that,”

#bts #bts fiction #bts v #bts scenarios #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan scenarios #bangtan fanfic #kim taehyung #bts kim taehyung #taehyung #bts taehyung #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfic #bts v scenarios #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario #taehyung angst

90 notes · View notes

tilltheendwilliwrite · 7 years ago

Text

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Five

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes | Word Count: 5112 Warnings: Language, angst

Celine made sure she was last onto the jet where she took Bucky’s previous seat in the back, darkened corner, as far away from the others as she could get. She snapped the hair band wrapped around her wrist, using the physical pain to remind herself to breathe. Her hair hung forward, hiding her face. Back to the straight, dark brown of before, she listened as they murmured about the rest of what they found and looked after Peter who had been knocked out for his own good.

God… that had hurt like rejection hadn’t hurt in years.

Hunched over, she leaned her face against the wall, the metal cool against her skin. A tear worked its way down her cheek. She’d known this was going to happen, had been saying so since the beginning. Yet, she’d still chanced to hope this time would be different. This time someone would see her for who she truly was and not react with fear.

Why do I bother to hope? She snapped the elastic at her wrist again.

“Celine…” The whisper of Charles' voice only made her flinch.

“Go away, Charles…”

“Darling, I can feel your pain.”

“Pain you have a part in instigating. Go away, Charles!”

“Celine… please…”

She sighed. “What did you expect? That I’d come here, reveal myself, and everything would be tea and crumpets? Go… the fuck… away!” She gave a mighty push and slammed her shields closed.

Her inner demons were relentless after. The voices of hate and disgust hissed and wailed in her head. The self-loathing caused her to wrap her hands around her middle. She was an abomination. A freak. A thing to be feared and despised. No one wanted her. No one would care if she just walked away.

Disappeared.

Died.

The phone in her pocket vibrated.

She ignored it.

It continued to go off for the next fifteen minutes straight, becoming an annoying vibration against her thigh until she finally dug it free. “What?” she sighed, expecting Charles.

“Little girl, next time you pick the fuckin’ phone up on the first ring!” The snarling voice of Logan had her lip twitching.

“Yes, papa,” she sassed.

“What the fuck happened, Celine?” he demanded.

Sighing, she glanced through her hair at the others speaking quietly away from her. “Can’t, Logan. Not now.”

“You’re on the plane?”

“Yeah.”

“Did they hurt you?” he snarled.

“No.”

“Not physically, you mean. Dammit, Charles! I told you sending her was a bad idea!”

It almost made her smile. The Wolverine was highly protective of those he called family. “I’m a big girl, Logan,” she murmured. “I tie my own shoes and everything. I’ll be fine.”

He huffed a dismissive bark of sound. “You ain’t fine! I can tell you ain’t fine! Do I need to come kick around a few super soldiers again? Cause I fuckin’ will!”

“The way I heard it, it sounded like a draw, though Steve said you’re a heavy son of a gun.”

“He’s one to talk,” Logan grumbled.

Leaning her head back against the wall, Celine smiled slightly. “Put up a bit of a fight, did he?”

He snorted. “Decent enough.”

“Good. You were getting full of yourself again.”

“Tricky little witch,” he scoffed. Silence descended for a few seconds before he murmured, “Celine… you can come home. I can replace you if you want.”

She wiped the tear from her cheek. “Nope. Charles sent me. I’m staying until they kick me out.” No matter how much it hurt.

“Look, if you’re doing this to punish Charles cause you’re pissed, then don’t. He’s already hurt you shut him out.”

This time she snorted. “He deserved it.”

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. “Take care of yourself, darlin’. And if you need me?”

“I’ll let you know, Logan. Tell Rogue I miss her.”

He grunted just before the line going dead.

She stuffed the phone back in her pocket and returned to her silent reflection, feeling only slightly better.

When the jet landed what felt like hours later, she was down the ramp and into the tower as if the hounds of hell were nipping her heels. To her mind, it wasn't far from the truth.

***

Steve and Bucky watched her go, neither knowing how to fix what they’d wrought.

Peter was alright, the bullet nothing more than a flesh wound, but the way the boy had reacted to her… they’d quite literally watched her heart break.

She was far more powerful than they’d realized. So much so, she’d plucked a soldier off the mountain and ate him before throwing something, likely his soul, into... hell? The underworld? Somewhere else? They had no idea.

Were they a little disconcerted? Sure. Who wouldn’t the hell be? But were they scared of her? No. The shock had kept them mute though, something they now realized had done a lot of harm.

She’d sat, huddled and silent in the corner, gradually curling in on herself, getting smaller with each passing moment until her phone had rung.

Steve had been about to go over and force her to answer when she’d finally dug it free on her own.

The irate voice of Logan was one he’d never forget, and he’d exchanged an eye roll with Bucky. He was a gruff son of a gun, but intensely loyal and protective, especially of Charles. Clearly, that protection extended to Celine.

Logan’s accusation, the comment about hurting her, had caused both of them to stiffen in offence. Her denial and his rewording had jabbed them both firmly with guilt.

Logan was right. They hadn’t hurt her physically. Emotionally? In her heart?

Yes.

“Shit,” Steve hissed softly once the others had exited.

“More like fuck, punk. We screwed up.” Bucky sighed, making his way toward Celine’s seat where he crouched down and swiped his fingers through the dark droplets on the floor. “She’s been bleeding.”

“What?” Steve jolted, coming quickly to Buck’s side.

“Yeah. We should check on her.”

“Pretty sure she doesn’t want to see us, pal.”

“So? We fucked up. We should fix it before it gets worse.” Bucky got to his feet and headed for the doors.

They walked in silence, both feeling intensely guilty.

She'd done some incredible things tonight, but they hadn’t told her so. Had her force been a little excessive? Sure, but seeing Peter take a bullet had Steve longing to hit the asshole sniper with his shield, so he understood how upset Celine must have been.

When Natasha stepped into the corridor, blocking them from getting on the elevator, Steve heard Bucky sigh and tried not to echo it.

“Need something, Nat?” Steve asked.

“I hope you get it now. You'll send her on her way?”

Steve frowned and shook his head. “Why? Celine’s part of this team.”

“Really!” she snapped. “After seeing what she did? What she is?”

“What I saw was a powerful woman who was treated like a freak tonight by her own team. Me included. She's still a person. Still Celine. Her powers don't make her anything different.”

“Shit! You've got a hard-on for her too! I knew Barnes was balls deep, but I expected better of you, Cap.”

Bucky’s hand wrapped around her throat and slammed her into the wall. “You're pushing the line, Natalia,” he snarled softly. “Celine may be Styx, she may be ridiculously powerful, but she's bruised, broken, and your snide comments aren't doing anyone any good!”

“She’ll destroy this team!”

“You said the same thing of me when Steve brought me in. The ghost. The Winter Soldier. The HYDRA weapon. Fuck you, Nat! She's no different!”

She blinked at him, stunned. “She's completely different! Did you not watch her kill a man tonight by eating his life force? Was that simply my imagination?”

“And I kill people with a gun or a knife. So what?”

“You're not about to take us all out in our sleep!”

“But I could if I wanted to!” he roared. “So could you, goddamnit, but you don't see any of us trying to shove you out the door!”

Laying a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, Steve urged his friend to let Natasha go. Once he had, Steve rounded on her himself. “You've taken issue with Celine since the moment she arrived. What's the beef, Nat? What's the real problem here?”

“This is the real issue! You're both so blinded by the hot new piece of ass; you can't see the danger she presents.”

“And me, Natasha? Am I also blinded by a hot piece of ass?” Wanda asked, appearing behind them. She looked at him, and Steve felt a clutch around his heart. The red wash of power in her eyes showed how disconcerted she was feeling. “But then, I am also one to be feared, to be treated like a freak. To be caged and collared because of what I am. What Hydra made me.”

“Wanda, no… I…” Natasha shook her head. “You're different.”

“How?” she asked coming closer. “I use similar powers. I can kill nearly as easily. You also locked me up to keep me away from people because I was a danger to society. Because you didn't trust me. Celine has shown me nothing but kindness after I have proved myself untrustworthy three times,” her voice rasped with self-hatred. “I keep telling myself, I cannot control other people's fear, only my own. Tonight… I failed at both.”

She walked away, and Steve's heart cracked. It appeared many of them were regretting what happened tonight.

“Celine is part of this team. She stays part of this team,” Steve said with finality.

“Fine. But my working with her comes as a last resort. I don't trust her to have my back.” Nat spun and headed away from where Wanda had gone.

Bucky waited only until she was out of earshot before muttering, “I'm not sure I trust you'll have hers.”

“Buck,” Steve sighed.

“I ain't ever seen her like this, Steve. She's been confrontational and just…”

“Nasty,” Sam muttered, wandering down the hall. “I'll go talk to her.”

“You alright with what happened tonight?” Steve asked.

“Alright?” He took a deep breath, eyes widening as he shrugged. “Not sure I’d say alright. Am I gonna throw a hissy fit? Nah. I kinda think Scott’s got the right idea. Better with us than against us.” He patted Steve's shoulder. “Am I gonna think twice about pissing her off? Hell yeah!” Chuckling, Sam continued on after Natasha.

“That's four,” Bucky murmured, a smirk twitching his lip. “Let's go poke the bear, see if she'll forgive us.”

“I think you mean the dragon. Damn that was cool,” Steve grinned.

“Now you sound like Parker.” Bucky’s face fell as they got on the elevator. “You think the kid will come round?”

Steve sighed. “Hope so.”

She’d been so happy spending time with Peter. Having the kid look at her in fear had just killed her.

When they stepped off the elevator, they had the answer hit them full force.

“Celine! Please!” Peter was standing outside her room, one hand pressed to his ribs, the other banging on her door. “I'm sorry! Let me explain!”

“Peter? Shouldn't you be in the med wing?” Steve asked sternly.

The kid shook his head. “Not until I apologize. Not until I tell her how sorry…” Pain took his breath, not all of it physical.

“Okay, kid.” Taking Peter by the elbow, Steve held him up. “How long you been here?” he asked.

Seeing as how the kid was still in his suit, he doubted Parker had even been to see Bruce, or if he had, the kid had snuck out.

“A while,” Peter mumbled.

“And she hasn't answered?”

Peter shook his head.

“FRIDAY located Celine.”

“Celine is on the roof. Captain? It appears she's is quite distraught. She is standing on the roof ledge.”

“What?!” Three voices bellowed before all of them scrambled for the elevator. It took them to the glassed-in common room where they barreled out the door to hit the exterior stairs which would take them to the roof.

Steve grabbed Peter's shoulder. “Are you alright to go around? If something goes sideways…” He didn't need to say Peter was the only one capable of catching Celine.

“I'm good, Cap!” Peter turned to go.

Steve dragged him back. “You stay out of sight. Let us talk to her before you do anything; you get me?”

“Yes, sir!” Peter nodded.

“Go.” He gave the kid a small shove and sprinted up the stairs after Bucky. His heart stuttered when she came into view.

Hair blowing back in the wind, balanced on the balls of her feet, she stood, hands relaxed at her sides, staring out over the city.

“Celine?” Bucky called quietly.

“Doll, you want to come down from there?” Steve asked, both of them edging closer.

Her head turned only enough to show them her profile. The tear streaks were impossible to miss. “Not particularly, Captain. I like the view.”

“Sweetheart, we'd really like it if you came down from there,” Bucky muttered, moving slowly forward.

“I am not your sweetheart, Sergeant. I am not your doll, your baby, your darlin’. I am Celine. I am… a vampire. I am Styx. And I am always to be feared.” She turned to walk the narrow edge of the building.

“Celine, please come down.” Steve would beg if he had to.

She paused, looked at him, and sighed. “You believe I do this, walk this ledge because I wish to hurt myself?” A snort of derision escaped her. “I wish to clear my mind, nothing more.” She turned back to face the city, turning her back on them. “I have no wish for company, especially from those who see me as something to be despised.”

Striding forward, Bucky reached for her arm only to have her dance out of his reach. “Celine!”

“What, Sergeant? Are you here to look at me with fear again? Are you going to tell me to leave? Explain how I am too much a freak to be part of the Avengers?” Night seemed to flow into her, swirl around her. It darkened her hair and brightened her eyes. She stepped backward, crouched, and snarled like an angry animal. “Then you tell me now to go, and I will pack my things!”

“No, Celine,” Steve said, holding up his hands. He approached with caution like he would a wounded creature. “Yes, you surprised us with what you did, maybe even spooked us at first, but we're not afraid of you.”

“Yes, you were!” she almost howled. “And after you said…” She shook her head. “I knew you would fear me. Everyone fears me. I should never have hoped for anything different.”

The words were so soft they could barely hear them, but they hit harder than the Hulk.

Bucky walked toward her, hands raised. “Read me, my aura, my emotions. I’m not afraid of you, Celine. Steve’s not afraid. Sam’s not afraid. Peter isn’t afraid. Wanda isn’t afraid. Come down. Talk to us. Let us show you.” He held out his hand.

“No… no, you lie!” She gave a violent shake of her head. “I won't look! I won't! I can't take anymore! Why are you so cruel?”

Peter landed on the ledge a few feet away. “Celine, I am so sorry.”

She whipped to face him, and Bucky lunged.

His arms closed around her, dragged her from the edge and back to the center of the roof. Expecting a struggle, he held her tightly, but she only sagged, eyes wide and staring at Peter.

The curl smoothed from her hair, the colour lightened. Her eyes lost their glow, and her face fell. Instead of struggling, she turned into Bucky, turned away from Peter, as a distressed cry escaped her lips.

“No, no… you were afraid. I made you afraid. You wouldn’t… let me help…” she moaned, clinging to Bucky.

This time it was the devastation on Peter’s face which broke Steve’s heart. “Celine, doll face Peter’s sorry. He, like us, didn’t mean to hurt you. But you were pretty impressive tonight. More than we’d expected. Read us. See for yourself. It's not a joke.”

“Promise,” Bucky murmured and stroked her arm. “No one's gonna be cruel, darlin’. Give us a chance.”

She bit her lip and looked between the two of them. Such pain shadowed her eyes Steve's heart felt like it tore open for her and whatever trauma had forced her to this point, to where she felt the need to wall herself off from everyone.

A moment passed before her amber eyes filled with relief and she sagged against Bucky. “Oh…” the word flew free on a heavy exhale.

“Can you forgive us, baby?” Steve threaded his fingers through her hair, gently pulling her head back so he could see her eyes.

They were wet, as was her face, so he wiped her cheeks dry. A breath shuddered from her, and she gave a slow nod. She looked as shocked, possibly as stunned as he and Bucky had been when she’d thrown a dragon into the sky and plucked a man off the mountain.

“I thought your dragon was incredible, Celine,” Steve said softly.

“And the way you dealt with the guards on the gate, and the people at the warehouse… amazing,” Bucky smiled.

“You were really spectacular, Celine. I'm… sorry I hurt your feelings,” said Peter, coming closer. “You did… kinda startle me, what with you havin’ just, like, eaten a dude. I promise it won't make me spaz out on you next time.”

“Peter,” she whispered, hands tight to her chest.

“Hug?” he asked, holding out the one arm. The other remaining pressed to his wound.

Bucky let her go, but Celine was hesitant to reach out until Parker gave an exasperated sigh and simply dragged her in via a shot of webbing and hugged her.

“You wanna fix me now?” Peter asked. “That is if it's still okay?”

She nodded a small jerk of her head before placing her green glowing fingers on his side.

His eyes widened in surprise when the pain disappeared. “Wow. Celine, you're so awesome!” He laughed as he lifted her off her feet and swung her around.

“Peter!” she squealed in surprise.

Chuckling, he dropped her to her feet and hugged her tight with both arms. “Thanks, doll,” he drawled, bussing her a kiss to the cheek - bold little shit-eating grin on his face - and darted away. “I'll check-in with Bruce. See ya tomorrow!”

She pressed her fingers to her cheek, eyes full of tears, but a smile was twitching her lips. Turning to face them, her smile broke free. “You people are so messed up.”

Bucky grinned while Steve laughed.

“Maybe it's your previous fri-uh-colleagues who were messed up,” Steve said with a sheepish grin.

“Yeah, darlin’,” Bucky smirked, “You just needed a couple’a old guys and a kid to see you for who you really are.”

“Speak for yourself, pal. I ain't old,” Steve snorted.

“Maybe being in the ice that long just froze your self-preservation brain cells,” Celine quipped.

“Then what's Peter’s excuse?” Bucky asked.

“Young and foolish,” she scoffed. “He doesn't know any better.”

Steve shook his head and held out his hand. “C’mon. You were bleeding on the jet. Let’s see it.”

She arched a brow in wry condemnation. “After the last few days, do you honestly think I cannot fix myself?”

He arched one in return, shook his hand and said, “Just give!” It was a fair imitation of what she’d done the day they’d met, causing Bucky to burst out laughing.

Rolling her eyes, Celine stalked forward to hold her hand out palm up. “There, you see? Perfectly fine.”

Steve frowned as he traced his fingers over her palm. “What did you…” he started to ask when it dawned on him what she’d likely done to herself. “Celine…” Heart hurting, guilt filled him for what she’d gone through, those talons of hers digging into her flesh with her anguish. “I am sorry.”

Her eyes softened. “I know, Steve.”

Bucky collected her opposite hand, sighing quietly as he stared at her unmarked flesh. “I promised you I wouldn’t feel any differently and at the first opportunity to prove it, I fucked it up.”

She gave her own sigh, released their hands, and patted both chests. “You are good men, but you are only human. I am,” she shook her head and turned away, “not.”

Steve went after her, grabbing her by the elbow to drag her back against his chest. “You are as human as the two of us. Powerful you may be, but you’re still human, Celine.”

Her eyes brightened, and her hair curled. “I am not. Human’s do not feed off other humans.”

“Your mutation only makes you different, Celine. It doesn’t make you less human.” Bucky’s hand curled around the back of her neck.

Trapped between the two of them again, Steve couldn’t help but notice the heat she radiated like a furnace. People always commented on how hot he or Bucky ran, but Celine seemed to nearly double their temperature. Cupping her chin, he tilted her face up, so her diamond-bright eyes shone for him to see. “You aren’t a freak. You’re an Avenger. We’re all a little… abnormal.” He couldn’t understand how she could’ve grown up in a place like Xavier’s school and view herself so differently from the other mutants. If anything, it should have been a place she fit into fairly well.

“I believe I’m a lot abnormal, Steve,” she chuckled, the curl of her hair growing more prominent as her eyes drifted down to his lips.

Bucky’s hand went from her nape to her throat, pressing up beneath Steve’s to tilt her head back onto his shoulder. “You ain’t the one with the vibranium arm,” he said, smirk growing.

Her eyes watched his lips as well before her tongue darted out, moistening hers.

Steve had never wanted to kiss a woman as badly as he did Celine in that instant. The desire he was trying to contain roared into life.

It sent her eyes darting back to his. They blazed bright, burned into him, filled with distress and sent her jerking away from them both. “Sorry! Sorry. That’s my bad… ha, I should go.” She darted away, down the stairs before either of them could move to stop her.

Groaning, Steve thrust his hand through his hair. “Fuck!”

“No shit,” Bucky muttered, trying to adjust his pants without being overly obvious.

“What the hell keeps happening here?” Steve grumbled.

Sighing, Bucky shook his head. “I don’t know, punk, but…” a wash of red filled his cheeks, “I… kind of like it.”

“What?” he gasped, jerking his head up to look at Bucky.

The metal-armed soldier shrugged. “Feels… good having her between us. I don’t know. She just… fits.”

“Bucky…” Steve shook his head.

“I know, I know. Can’t seduce a recruit,” he huffed. “But Steve, you can’t tell me you don’t feel it. We ain’t talked about it, keep pushin’ it to the side, but we can’t fight what we’re feeling.”

“She won’t even be a friend, Buck. Besides, you just watched her rabbit when she got a hint of something off me. I’m not going to put that pressure on Celine.” Steve stalked toward the stairs. “I don’t even know what the hell is happening! Every time it's just us, you, me, her, it’s….”

“Intense sexual heat?” Bucky chuckled.

“Laugh it up, jackass,” Steve grumbled.

“I’m serious!” he scoffed. Grabbing Steve’s arm, Bucky forced him to stop. “I’m asking this in all seriousness, if she chose me over you, would you be okay with it?”

“Bucky… I… Why are you even going there?”

“It’s a hypothetical, Steve. Just answer the fucking question.”

“I’d have to be, wouldn’t I?”

“But you’d hate it, right?”

Jerking his arm away, Steve snapped, “Yes, damn it! I’d hate it!” and stormed down the stairs.

Bucky simply jumped over the rail to land in front of him. “I’d be the same way!”

Coming to a stop, Steve’s eyes closed in pain. “I know, Buck. I can’t be your rival. I won’t be. I don’t have it in me to go against you, and you know it.”

“Stevie.” Bucky’s hands closed over his shoulders, gripped tight, shook him a little. “You think I could?”

When he looked up, Bucky’s eyes were bright with emotion. The smack which came to Steve’s cheek was anything but light, yet it was full of affection, even as it stung something fierce.

“You’re my brother, Steve. I wouldn’t ever do that to you. I love you, pal, and we’ve been through too much hell to fight over a girl, even a dame as amazing as Celine. Whatever comes, we’ll figure it out. Besides, she’s skittish as a baby deer,” he sighed. “Doubt it will go anywhere for either of us.”

Both sighed unhappily and continued inside.

***

A little panicked, Celine made her way back to her room, thankful she avoided seeing anyone else. Riding in the elevator, she allowed herself a small amount of hysterical laughter for, sure enough, she’d found herself sandwiched happily - and hornily - between the two soldiers again. Her nature had taken over thanks to her overactive libido, and she’d drawn them in.

And it had felt… good. Too good.

The spike in Steve’s chi had nearly made her moan and beg for a taste. The Captain was potent!

Bucky, too, though slightly more in control, his arousal had shivered through her. It was subtle, like the nip in the air which preceded a snowstorm but it was still delectable.

So intent was she on the near taste she’d had, something she really should be berating herself for, Celine did not notice the aura waiting in her room until her hand was on the doorknob. Steeling her spine, she slowly pushed her door inward.

The lights were on, the one sitting on her couch doing nothing to hide her presence. Natasha smirked smugly at her.

“I do not remember inviting you to my room,” Celine said cautiously, remaining in the doorway.

“You didn’t. Come in, shut the door, and sit down.”

Brow arching, Celine snorted. “I think I will stay where I am.”

Anger flared in her aura before Natasha smoothed it away. “I think… Adeline, you will want to do what I say.”

The use of her real name was so rare, Celine momentarily froze. Closing the door, she moved toward Natasha, growing angrier by the second. “So, you have found my birth name. What of it?”

Picking up a tablet, Nat read, “Born Adeline Evans to one Tammy Evans, drug addict junky, and alcoholic absentee father, Marcus Evans. Ran away from home at thirteen, wanted for questioning in the death of one Franklin Delacore after he was found dead on the floor of your bedroom.”

She refused to flinch, only sat in an armchair and crossed her legs. There was nothing there. Charles had seen to the reports, the heart attack the man had had was ruled as an accident. Her mother’s drugged up ravings were nothing more than the ramblings of a woman out of her mind.

“Lived on the street, it seems from the age of thirteen until fifteen.” Here Nat looked up. “Wouldn’t it be interesting if the police were informed of the mutant Styx whose MO perfectly fits the two cold cases they have from way back when Adeline was a teenage runaway.”

“What do you want, Natasha?” Celine asked, without a hint any of what she’d said had been true.

“Oh, I’m not done yet,” she fairly purred. “There’s also the information about poor Thomas and Jacob. Nasty business that. It really would be a travesty if the new team found out what you’d done to your old team. To your friends.”

“What do you want, Natasha?” Celine asked a second time.

“What I want is for you to leave and never come back, but we can’t always get what we want, so how about what I need?”

Tired of these games, Celine snapped, “Just spit it out, Widow!” Hair curling, nails lengthening, she dug her talons into the cushioned arms of her chair.

Natasha stiffened her entire countenance sharpening. “I’ve safeguards in place, Styx, so think twice about hurting me. Anything happens to me here, or on a mission, you're a part of… all this information goes public.” She smiled, a predatory baring of teeth. “It would be a pity if the Professor's involvement in all your messes came to light.”

The cold weight of fear wrapped around Celine’s heart. “Get to the point, Natasha.”

“I see how you look at them you know. Steve and Bucky. They’re too blinded by the pretty girl to see the monster you really are. You're going to stay away from them; you're going to stay away from all my friends. You'll limit your involvement with the team outside of missions.” She got slowly to her feet, triumph and bravado coating her innate fear of what Celine was. “Isolate yourself, Celine, or I'll do it for you. Permanently.” Striding toward the door, Natasha dropped the tablet in Celine’s lap, the faces of Jacob and Thomas staring up at her from the screen.

Celine spoke softly, “Be careful, Widow. What you try so hard to protect… may not take kindly to your methods.”

“You’ll never tell them. You try so hard to be human, fit in, but you're a monster. I know it. You know it. If they knew what you'd done….” Natasha let the words hang as she shut the door and walked away.

Celine stared down at her lap and lightly touched first one and then the other face.

Natasha may have found the information on the boys, she may know some of Charles involvement, she suspected the Widow had likely bugged her room, but Natasha didn't know everything. She couldn't for there were no records of what Celine was beyond the mental knowledge shared by four people.

But the two smiling faces on the tablet in her lap, the one lost and the one…. She couldn't bear to think about it. The pain it caused was simply too great.

She placed her hand flat on the screen and ignored the tears which fell down her face as she cried for things she could never make right, and for the life she might have possibly had here.

Next Chapter

#qi flows for her #Steve Rogers #captain america #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfiction #avengers au #avengers fanfiction #x-men au #x-men fanfiction

268 notes · View notes

lumiereswig · 6 years ago

Note

Please do the ENTIRETY of Forgotten! Hahaha I’m joking, pick your favorite part because that fic is v long 😍

happily, this gonna get l o n g

“The ball was flawless. In the garden, the roses continued to reach to the sky, and the storm brushed away; the lights shut off in the palace, one by one, and the music faded to silence. The prince went to bed with one or two or three pretty women he wouldn’t care for by the next day. Up in his room, Lumiere popped open a bottle of champagne.”

I set the opening to take place almost immediately after “Lit By The Sun,” though this time showing the evening Lumiere and Plumette never got—the stolen croquembouche up in their bedroom, the sharing of champagne among the servants. In the original timeline, obvs they didn’t get that—they got fire and feathers instead—but yeah. I am totally alluding to my own goddamn fics.

Plumette, lighting the candles by the bed, grinned at him over the flames. He laughed and raised his glass.

It’s not a lumiereswig post if there’s not a fucking fire reference.

“He’s turning just like his father—the prince’s father was like this, too,” Mrs. Potts explains to the musicians, who know nothing about the palace or its politics. They nod and move closer to each other on the bed. “We don’t know what he’d do without us. He’ll be fine, though; we try not to intervene. D’you only have wine up here, Lumiere? I could use a cup of tea.”

Foreshadowing of future bullshit, and also reminding the readers that Garderobe and Cadenza WERE NOT PART OF THIS PALACE-POLITICS SHIT. They did not deserve to be cursed!! fuck you agathe!!!! #justiceforgarderenza2k18

“If you cannot take a little sparkling wine, get yourself to bed, grandmother,” laughs Lumiere, and she swipes at his arms and makes him laugh. He eases into a seat between Cogsworth and Plumette and throws his arms around them.

Really trying to remind everyone how fucking close the staff is. The fam. Also, fuck you bill condon for not letting lumiere hug cogsworth every .3 seconds

“Think how long it has been!” he says. “Forty years for you, Cogsworth, but most of my life for mine. Why, I came here as a teenager—imagine me, only a little older than Chip! Fresh out of Paris and still reeking of the apothecary shop.” He grimaces, thinking of his father’s dusty store in a side-street of the city. He had fled, then, looking for the glamor his missed; in his room in Paris he had practiced dance steps, reveled in fashion, adopted the graceful movements of the court as rebellion against the bourgeois facts of an ordinary existence. He had come to this palace, and he had lit into life; dancing and feasting and glowing like gold made Lumiere’s heart sing.

EYYYY IT’S A HEADCANON I TOTALLY MADE UP

but tbh it makes sense to me (and has always made sense to me) that for all his glamor-gold, courtiers-and-candelabras bullshit, lumiere is not from an upper crust background. he’s too extra to have been born to it. That level of golden eyeliner and tequila has to be aspired to.

“We met in this palace, do you remember, mon trésor?” Plumette is close in his arms; her scent—fresh and light, like candy and macarons—right beside him. “I was only fourteen, and I loved you right away.”

“I loved you before I met you,” murmurs Lumiere. “I could never forget.”

Lots more foreshadowing, and also backshadowing. Gotta remind the idiots in the audience which motherfuckers in this story are in love.

The next day is their day off. It is their one day off in the year.

honestly this makes no sense (one day off a year???) but it’s adam. pre-curse adam. i can write him to get away with pretty much any bullshit and be like “””*shrug* uhhh he’s a beast, dudes, of course he banned puppies and kittens from the palace and hates daisies and sunshine”“

also tbh i hate the whole adam dialogue sequence, it’s really badly written

Adam stands in the lonely, empty halls. If he stands in the tower, he can see them weaving their way through the forest and down to the village, to spend their day in the company of each other, in Lumiere and Plumette’s case, or with loved ones, in the case of Mrs. Potts. No matter what, all the servants have each other. And Adam has nobody.

casual evermore references whenever we can’t get in a flame pun

….after all, at least when he yelled they looked at him.

someone told me this line broke them and i am forever pleased. yes mofos!!! relish my very slipshod, mostly shite grasp of the english language!!!!! revel in my poor grasp of human psychology!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Lumiere! The night grows old.”

The crone grows young.

to make up for the shit in the previous chapter, I really enjoy this bit. the whole bashing-between-the-palace-and-the-village nonsense just makes me happy.

Belle wakes up to a jolt in the road, and the rough wool blanket on her face, and the smell of cheese and paint and horse and wind clinging to her skin. She rubs her eyes and tries to wipe away the sleep. They’re in the wagon, again, and Maurice is hunched up in the bench, encouraging Philippe to trot faster. The contents of Belle’s entire life are jammed in around her, a moving nest of drawings and gear-boxes and packets of cabbage-seed.

aaand we’re with belle. I had to rewrite this chapter about five million times because it wasn’t working—I had planned it out too much in advance, you know, and was just like regurgitating the writing rather than writing it—but I’m happy with the textural detail of this bit. Again, sometimes it pays to use the words around what you’re going for rather than the literal sensation; in this case, cheese and paint and horse and wind, and that rough wool blanket. Home, but also chill, and travel, and being uncomfortable, and the 18th century equivalent of going on a road trip and eating crackers in the backseat while dad’s up front and the crackers making the seat all gritty and reading books in the light of the passing streetlamps, ya feel?

Lilles, Reims, Amiens

i don’t understand french geography

A tiny, delicate gesture from his long fingers; it is a surprisingly sophisticated movement for a man in a yellow peasant’s vest, with candle wax creased in the dirt between his fingernails.

this whole chapter is slightly hard to read because it’s clearly trying too hard, but i hope i got across (or at least, whacked you across the forehead with) the bits i felt were important: lumiere’s current emptiness, but the last imprints of who he ought to be hanging around. i also tend to mention the peasant’s vest too many fucking times, just because the image of lumiere wearing anything that’s not satin & silk is fucking devestating. also, it will be important later, and i need yall to remember that LUMIERE DOESNT LOOK LIKE HE NORMALLY LOOKS

“I am nothing now,” says the man, in a flash of vehemence so sharp it is like seeing a flame in the middle of the forest. He looks up to her—his face broad, and white; and it is an empty face, and beyond the fire in his words there is nothing there at all. It is as if someone washed out all his color, and left him only with his yellow vest.

you can tell, again, this is a lumiereswig fic because suddenly the language is all about fires and flashing and flickers and flames and there’s probably going to be a reference to the sun fucking setting at some point

also, honestly, this was hard to write because i was seeing it as a fucking movie in my head, and transcribing ‘ewan mcgregor lies on a village stoop looking fucking dismal’ is not what literary writing is made of

He welcomes her to the stoop with the flick of a wrist and a tiny nod with the pipe,

just to remind everyone once a-fucking-gain, Lumiere Is Not Normal, And You Can Tell Because He’s Not Being Very Welcoming. like honestly if you don’t say hello by doing a song and dance what the fuck are you doing

“I knew someone once who treasured books that way as well,” he says, and a smile drifts across his face, homeless. Something in him is sparking up at the story: dim, and faint, but laughing. “He once made me read the whole Odyssey—”

ok yes thank god the fic is finally getting good again

Sorceresses turning people to pigs, and the lily-eaters forgetting their homes, and Penelope undoing the days until her husband returns

ON. THE FUCKING. NOSE

also if i make a literary reference in a fic i am almost 100% of the time trying to make an obvious as fuck connection between the two

Deeply, deeply frightened. Not of the man on the stoop—she has never seen anyone more harmless, to be quite honest; he is such an empty man, with such silent, lifeless limbs—but of the thing inside his eyes when he speaks of his past. It is Other—a thing not rooted in a Parisian background, or the empty face, or the subdued soul. It is a large streak of gray inside the man’s blue eyes, a gray empty and unnatural and as hollow as cold ice. Staring at his eyes, Belle finds herself clutching her arms with fear.

ahhhh fuck subtlty has gone totally out the window. yall are kind and see what i was going for, but i swear this could be better done if i knew shit

It is obvious to Belle that this is a practiced ritual, the sharing of the secret wine.

in retrospect this fic would be sadder if cogsworth or lumiere weren’t friends, but uhh…i just couldnt bring myself to it.

“Oh là là, he acts as if the French accent is difficult,” says Lumiere, puffing smoke….

LIKE YOU CAN SPEAK FRENCH ANYWAY, YOU SCOTTISH DIPSHIT.

“Get off my stoop!” yells the woman. “D’you have wine down there, Lumiere?“

“If you cannot take a little cheap wine, get yourself to bed, grandmother,” calls Lumiere.

and that’s called taking yourself too seriously and referencing your own fic from a few chapters ago

“Mrs. Potts, the crockery-man’s wife,” says Lumiere, and takes a large gulp of the wine. “I barely know her. Thank God.”

PROBABLY THE BEST LINE IN THIS FIC SO FAR. fucking love the simplicity that does so much more than every labored reference to emtpy fucking limbs or colorless eyes beforehands. one simple line and we’re all fucking realizing THE EXTENT OF ALL THIS SHIT

i gotta head off now but i’ll do the rest later tonight

[send me one of my fics (or a bit from a fic) and i’ll do director’s commentary on it—ask here]

#asks #forgotten #batb fanfic

18 notes · View notes

remade-graystudie · 7 years ago

Text

how i got a 29 the first time i took the act

i just wanted to give you guys some tips! not all of these work for everyone though so keep that in mind. also, i am going to take the test again in april for those interestedin knowing

to preface: i took the test while pretty sick and it was the morning after the opening night for a Christmas dinner i do each year, so i got maybe 6 hours of sleep. not the best conditions

my scores

composite score of 29

english score of 31

mathematics score of 26

reading score of 31

science score of 29

science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) score of 28

understanding complex texts of "above proficient"

progress toward career readiness of "progress toward gold level NCRC"

some general tips

choose a test center close to you. you will not want to wake up for the test. you will not want to drive there. it doesnt matter if youre unfamiliar with the place, people will be there to help you. but bring your own pencils and an eraser, they probably wont help you with those.

try to get as much sleep as possible. i didnt get much so to force myself awake i took a cold shower, but no caffeine because i feared crashing.

my breakfast that day was just some poptarts while i drove to the testing center, but i started to get hungry during the break. for the next test, im going to plan better and eat some cereal or toast.

take advantage of all leftover time. for me this meant going back to the questions i was super unsure of and making sure im satisfied with my answer choice as well as making sure all bubbles on my answer sheet were filled in enough. it also meant taking 5 minute naps where i drooled on the test booklet a little. oops?

use your break wisely. the testing center i was at had vending machines so i borrow a dollar from my friend and ate some m&m's as a pick me up. i also put a bunch of cough drops in my jacket pocket. after i did this in the span of like 3 minutes i went back to my room and took a nap.

take advantage of the fact that everything is multiple choice (except the essay portion, obviously) because it reallycomes in handy.

i didnt really struggle with nerves because i went into the test with the mindset "i get what i get". i had done what i felt was necessary to prepare and i knew this wouldnt be my last time. realistically, my act or sat score could be the thing that keeps me from entering my dream college (a school with a 7% admission rate and average act score of 34) but i am happy with my other choices of colleges. i have done all that i can do (which in this case was like.. 3 days of studying).

my biggest overall tip: know what the test will be like. know the order of the tests, the number of questions, and the time limits. this will leave no surprises. i was really glad i did this because i always knew what was coming.

tips for individual portions

english portion

75 multiple choice questions with four possible answers in 45 minutes.

dont read the entirety of the passage! read the first paragraph and the last paragraph before you read the questions then for each question skim for the info you need to properly answer the question. this allows you to spend more time with each question and to focus only on whats necessary.

brush up on word groups like there/their/they're, it's/its, and two/too/to. a lot of these questions are about following grammatical rules.

math portion

60 multiple choice questions with five possible answers in 60 minutes.

do what you know first. i almost ran out of time because i couldnt remember some things and spent too long on them so when i got to questions i knew at the end i was rushing and panicking and probably got some wrong.

if youre not sure how to do a problem, guess and check to the best of your abilities. guess and check works wonders.

reading portion

40 multiple choice questions with four possible answers in 35 minutes.

tbh i thought this was really similar to the english part so similar tips. but if the passage is on the short side, just read the whole thing.

science portion

40 multiple choice questions with four possible answers in 35 minutes.

real talk, i thought i bombed this portion like i walked out thinkin it was the reason id do so badly.

do NOT treat this like the english and reading portions! read the entirety of everything! redraw, rewrite, and rename things if you need to!

this part really focuses on graph interpretation and they will try to screw you over so hard with names of things. make sure you know how to interpret graphs well.

this was the only section where i rechecked every single answer. i was so used to the sat that i didnt know how to handle a science portion. it freaked me out.

essay portion

1 essay based on a promot in 40 minutes.

i didnt actually take this part because the only college on my list that says anything about it just recommends it and that school happens is my safety college. if youre really confident it will help your composite score, then take it. i chose not to mainly because im lazy and i didnt want to take the risk of it hurting my score even though i thought it could help since i write pretty strong essays, even under time constraints like id experience on the test.

some final tips

the act company sells a book. buy the book. its genuinely super helpful and im so glad i chose to buy it. i know some people use ones from outside sources, but i dont trust those as much. the official book is actually where i got a lot of my tips from.

take the test multiple times. i took the test in december because i knew i was unfamiliar with the formatting and wanted to have a basis for comparing my april score too. if i still am not happy with my april score, i plan on retaking it during the summer.

pay the extra $20 dollars to get your answers sent to you. it is quite literally the easiest and fastest way to see what you need to focus and improve on.

if you know youre taking the test, sign up as soon as possible. at the very least, sign up before youd have to pay the late fee.

dont add your picture until its like almost the last day. im the kind of person who changes uo my appearance often, specifically my hair color. if i uploaded a picture for the april date now, id be blonde in the picture even though ill probably have brown hair when i take the test.

a reminder

dont peace your self worth on this test. could it impact what college you go to? sure. but whether or not you did student council could too. im very proud of my score, but its not my end all be all. im more proud of the way i fold clothes or how organized my closet is than my act score.

good luck on all your tests everyone ❤️💕

#act #act prep #college prep #junior #junior year #high school #act scores #sat #sat prep #sat scores #its all lowercase but tbh i dont care

482 notes · View notes

rhapsody-in-heaven · 3 years ago

Text

The Diary of Losing You

Day One

I cant believe it, never did we ever talk about breaking up before this .. and now all of a sudden its happening. I cant process it. I cant accept it. Sure, we’ve had fights but I never felt like they were toxic. We never got to that point - we weren’t even close to that point. Was I too stubborn? Did you not like that? Because no matter how much I begged and bargained - you kept telling me, it was over. That you didnt have to explain things to me but you were doing it out of courtesy. But its hard to accept - not only because it was so sudden but because you told me you still liked me - and god knows, i still like you. You told me, you couldnt change and you knew that about yourself and honestly, I kind of admire that. I havent had a lot of boyfriends but the first one I had to accept cuz he stopped liking me - the other two were long over by the time we broke up - there was resentment in our relationship but we didnt know how to let go - so we kept holding on - even when it got so toxic and even when it was obvious we were much better off without each other. But its still hard. Why don’t you think we’re worth a second chance. i didnt even think it was so bad that it needed to be classified as a second chance - just that we were still trying to figure out the kinks with the first one. Even when I told you that if the same situation happens even one more time, you could break up w me - even if it was two weeks later - i wouldnt complain. But you told me that in that case you would just break up with me two weeks later because for you, the relationship was already over. You didnt think we were worth a second chance and that hurts a lot. I spent hours begging you to reconsider - knowing that you wouldnt - but i still had to try. and then I spent hours after talking to two friends and crying my heart out to them. all i could think about was all the plans we made that would no longer come to pass. I questioned myself if I was missing the thing wed do together or miss you and yeah at that time i was grieving our breakup but grieving more the things that would no longer come to pass. Im used to seeing you once every three weeks but three weeks werent up yet and it still felt relatively normal i guess. but the fact that I also knew the sadness would hit when the three weeks were up also scared me. sleep was my solace - when i sleep, i dont need to think anymore. Day Two teaching as usual but then in the times i didnt have to actively teach - i could feel the tears forming in my eyes but its okay, i dont think anyone noticed. but then we had a break between classes and i started to talk to another friend and then i couldnt stop crying. crying so loud that my coteacher heard it and asked what was wrong, and of course needing to explain things out loud with my voice made it that much worse. I could pull myself together for when i was actually teaching the class but - i still miss everything about you. I had my sixth grade class and I was so happy. They were my worst class last year but they did so well on this exercise we thought they would have trouble with - and they did, but with some help they managed to finish, and they did well. The first person i wanted to talk to was you. I felt like all i ever did was complain in our relationship I really wanted to give you the good news. And you were nice enough that you listened to me, and told me that even before, just hearing from me was good news. and that felt incredibly bittersweet. before leaving school my coteacher told me to feel better but all i could think was that i missed you. I had dinner plans that night but they got cancelled - I called my cousin and he talked to me for hours just listening to me cry - and then talk about life - and listening to me cry again. He told me that you probably didnt like the way we communicated and decided to end it before it gets harder later on. I can respect that I said, but its too soon to call it quits - we never even tried. To him, I just wasnt worth trying. Day Three teaching kept me busy for most of the morning - i didnt have much time to think about you. but after lunch, the sadness began to manifest itself again. I dont think anyone noticed, or maybe they pretended not to. but I started to think back on the times before you moved away. Before we were long distance or even a couple. How you were so good to me. How you made me food. How you stayed with me when i was sad and i just have so many regrets I wasnt adquately able to tell you how i felt about you. How i was constantly unsure about myself but how when you did ask me out, you told me that it was okay that i didnt know - it was okay if i was never able to say i love you because you could feel that saying “love” signified a very strong emotion for me that i wasnt sure i ever felt before, and even with just me saying “like” you knew and could tell that my feelings for you were really deep. Why is it that you miss them so much more when theyre gone? Why do i feel like I shouldve treated you better i shouldve done more and thought of you more and expressed my feelings to you better. but hindsight is always 20/20. I went to pole and then to see my friends at night. we went to karaoke and at this point only one of the two friends knows because i didnt wanna ruin the birthday celebrations coming up of the one who didnt know. Well we were singing “payphone” and she said that we were singing it like someone had broken our hearts and all i could do was pretend to laugh. For the record, I dont think u broke my heart. or i dont blame you. i just wish things ended differently - i wish we were worth another shot in your mind. But all of this, is just wishful thinking. And i know that.

Day Four

its the weekend, and the day we celebrate her birthday. its a rainy day and somehow every little thing reminds me of you. I havent felt like this after a break up in a long time - im not sure if ive ever felt like this after a break up at all. My last two were long over before we ended things and the one before that was the definition of puppy love - sure i thought about him, and maybe its because its been so long but i dont remember every little thing reminding me of him. The rain reminds me of you. I saw a couple walking under an umbrella and remembered that you bought this hella big and expensive umbrella so that we could share it together in the rain. when I was at the aquarium all i could think about was how nice it would be if i was there with you. I saw a boat and i could just think about your job and how youre a shipbuilding engineer. Even looking at myself in the mirror, i thought about how you bought a jean jacket so we could match. I thought about the white tennis shoes we wanted to buy so we could match together when a friend mentioned she needed new white shoes. I thought of all the cute little cafes you took me to when we went to eat a cafe. my friend said she wanted to go to a marsh she saw in my photos - the very same one you took me to. we went to a coin karaoke place and the first time i ever went to one was with you. and sometimes i didnt need a reminder - my mind would just wander and i would remember things i didnt even know I remembered. the time when we fought about women in the workforce and your industry in the cafe and at the car. how when i asked if you were still mad at me you said that you wish you said “oh maybe i am a little bit, but ill make a lot of money and buy u a nice purse” to defuse the situation instead of getting mad. How our very first date lasted two nights and three days. How you couldnt spend my birthday w me but spent valentines w me the next day. The night you asked me to be your girlfriend - and how scared but also how happy i was. How you always took me to so many places. How i always could complain to you and you would always listen w patience - how i just wanted you back - how i wanted you to hold me and tell me it was a mistake - that you didnt really wanna break up w me that you thought about it and you wanna try again. but i also know, its wishful thinking and i know, that you wont come back to me. Day Five No plans. it’s still raining. No reason to go out. Can’t find the will to clean my apartment thats getting messier and dirtier by the day. I just want to lie in bed. I’ve been swiping on tinder and talking to some ppl - not to find a rebound but just to talk to people - to feel less - lonely? dejected? idk. but it doesnt really work - it feels like a lot of effort that I cant give. Were conversations always this hard? i feel like ours were so easy. And then i start to think again. all the promises we made. You said you would still try to be friends with me. Can we still do the little things? even before we went out you said u would take me skiing in the winter - is that still on? you told me you would buy me a hanbok - how about that? will you still take me? I keep asking why its over for you. why another chance will never happen. but the whole day, i just lie in bed. I cant bring myself to do anything. I keep searching up things like how long it should take to get over you - but at the same time im not sure i want to. Its not over for me yet even if its over for you. I guess, im feeling all the beginning stages of grief at once. Shock and Denial - i know its over - my head knows it - my head knows that you wont take me back or give us another go but my heart still has that false hope. my heart doesnt want to give you up. Guilt and Pain - well the pain is self explanatory but the guilt - i just keep wondering if this was my fault. if I was too unwilling to change - or didnt know i needed to change until i realized u were serious when you said you were thinking of breaking up w me - if i never said “how about we just never talk again” in anger and sadness, would we have gotten to this point? Anger and Bargaining - im not really angry - i mean i dont think this was your fault or mine but i guess i am kind of upset at the fact that you dont think we’re worth a second shot. anything we argued about, even if it spanned across a couple of days, has never come up again. and this was the first time this particular issue came up so why could we both make steps and amends to keep this from happening. are we both too stubborn? but i was willing and it felt like you werent. you told me that even ur past gfs have said that sometimes they didnt feel like they really had a choice and it wasnt just me. so im assuming that this is something youre eventually going to have to fix for yourself or you find a girl whos okay with that - but you also said you didnt want a gf or a wife that was like a doll who just agreed w everything you said. so this just means to me that youre not willing to try and change. honestly, if youre aware of it, it shouldnt be a hard fix but you already made up your mind that you werent going to do it. in reality i just wasnt the one you were willing to make those steps towards. and that is where my sadness and anger come from. now bargaining - im really willing to make changes and kind of the biggest testament i can give to that is that if we could be together again, i could quit that game ive been playing for 2 years cold turkey. For whatever reason, you never liked me playing that game and if it means i could have you back, i would gladly get rid of it. as for the other things - i promise i wont pressure to be with you longer cuz i know your tired - now i know youre tired. because you never told me before. Im sorry i dont like to lose arguments and i get defensive - i know i need to communicate better too. but i just really miss you and it kills me that we never even gave it a chance. yes, maybe youre right and things wont change and i know you think youre doing me a favour by ending this sooner rather than later but it kills me more that we never tried. Depression Loneliness and Reflection - self explanatory maybe im not fully in this stage yet but I do realize that the bargaining is not going to work even if i hope that it would. it isnt over to me and to be honest, im not sure i want to get over you yet, even tho i know i should. Day Six

a monday. i asked you yesterday if we could talk and you said you were busy. I’m sure even tho i know your answer, i will ask you today if you would reconsider. im sorry if this puts pressure on you but i think its also necessary that i know I at least tried for my own sanity instead of letting this go. I’m going to tell you everything ive been thinking the last several days just to get it out. and yes, there is still that false hope that you’ll take me back and when that’s crushed i will probably inevitably cry again. I’m not sure if talking to you so soon is the right answer, if later would give me a clearer head. but my heart is telling me that i need to ask you to reconsider now and not later - if only for the confirmation - that nail on the coffin, that we’re really not happening anymore. I asked you when you had time and you said 10pm. So after work, i go home and i write down everything i want to talk to you about - at least everything i can think of at the time of writing much of which i talked about here already - how i thank you for loving me and all the things you did for me, how i still hope youll keep ur promise about buying me a hanbok, about a possible snowboard trip, about my stages of grief - my denial, my anger, the bargaining, how it wasnt just you who needed to change but i do think you will eventually need to change for someone - that i was sad it wasnt me. how i wish you told me about the stresses of your job so id be more understanding, how you were the first guy i thought i could say i love you to. how im not good at this cuz my last two and only serious relationships ended long before we called it off but right now i still feel like i was starting to like you more and more. how u know to break it off now because it would hurt more for me later and you no longer wanted to see me cry but for me second chances and trying is important - which is why im bargaining with you even tho i know you will say no. i need to know i did everything I could. that im sad we didnt meet earlier and have a more stable realtionship and maybe it woulda worked out - that i was sad you had to move for your job because if you were still here things wouldve worked out differently. but i dunno - i hope youll listen with as open a mind as u can, really think about it before you reject me and ill know i did everything i could.

0 notes