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hageny · 3 years ago

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Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman

AN: Credit goes to @thinkingfixatingobsessing for the idea for point number one in this post. Also, this post is my lengthiest yet, but I promise it’s worth the read, lol.

1. Come Over?

This moment between Roman and Gerri is a small one, but presents an interesting thread that starts in this episode--Vaulter--and gets threaded into their phone sex scene in Safe Room. During his time working through the documents and foundations of Vaulter, Roman is stuck in the middle of the proxy battle and feeling the heat of the moment, which comes to a head in this scene. We see him wrestling with himself about what to do, throwing his phone a pathetic glance, hesitating, and then finally deciding to call Gerri for help. He divulges to her that he essentially has no clue what to do and throws out a weak ‘pivot to video’ idea that Gerri instantly reminds him was tried by the Vaulter team already and presumably fell flat. Finally, Roman breaks and asks her meekly, “Can you just come over? I want you in the room.” This is interesting because it is one of the first scenes where the show establishes the fact that Roman seeks out Gerri for comfort. This, of course, comes on the heels of their trip to Japan, so we can deduce that Roman has realized that Gerri could’ve screwed him but didn’t, and sees how he was exposed to her nurturing side when he needed it most. What’s interesting is how the dialogue in this scene mimics what comes later. He first asks her for her help, and when she balks at his request, he immediately says, “Yeah, could--yeah--fuck you!” and hangs up on her. The move from gentle and comforting to caustic is an interesting one, but it’s fascinating because for once it isn’t built into the scene to showcase that Roman needs degradation to achieve sexual pleasure. Here, he flies off the handle at Gerri, but when we think about this scene the reason why is obvious and not tied to sex: Roman gets angry because in his one weak moment the response he receives is not the sympathetic one he wants, and so he pivots back to caustic to shield himself later on. He knows that should Gerri brings this up later he can tell her he was fucking with her and didn’t mean it, but in truth, he did mean it--he did want her and need her, and Gerri didn’t understand this, and was too busy with things on her end to meet him where he needed her. Part of Roman’s hang ups, sexually, are tied to the degradation he experienced as a child, but there is also a link between his need for degradation and his realization that he never got the comfort he needed, so seeking insult was easier. He is a walking example of the quote, "All attention is good attention.” Because Roman never received the comfort he desired, he shields himself from rejection by pretending to be hardier than what he is and striving to be insulted, because to him, at this stage, it’s all the same. He could get a hug, but getting walloped and getting off are faster so he settles for that instead. This thread is later carried into the ‘shirt-button’ scene in Hunting, where Gerri walks up to Roman’s room to look in on him. Now, she has the understanding of him that is necessary to respond appropriately, and instead of berating him for being a mess she comforts him, and he responds not by pushing her away but accepting her gentility, however brief. Roman doesn’t so much need humiliation to get off--he only needs it because it’s all he thinks he deserves, and it’s served him well enough so far. It’s the key to his inability to have sex with his other girlfriends: it’s not that he can’t, it’s that sex requires intimacy and sensitivity, and Roman isn’t close enough to himself emotionally to comfortably tap into these feelings and deliver.

2. Rejected.

As I’m re-watching the series in preparation for Season 3, there is a thread which is established early on between Kendall and Gerri that begins in Lifeboats and is expounded upon later in the show. We see Kendall at the helm of Waystar during Logan’s absence as he makes his infamous ‘Lifeboats’ speech, gathering his team together and asking for their help in moving Waystar into the future, inviting them to pool their ideas and deliver them to him, essentially attempting to depart from his father’s style of management by ostensibly establishing an ‘open door policy’ with his team. This move, however, is ironic, as immediately after this scene we have the scene between himself and Gerri, pictured above. Really, in hindsight, Kendall is as manipulative as Logan, but he is weaker in the sense that he is not as combative openly, and therefore comes across as a softer, better version of his father, which isn’t always true to his nature. We see Gerri follow Kendall after the meeting and tell him, “I want to talk options to you, okay? I’ve got some thoughts I’ve been working on for a long time--”. Kendall immediately interrupts her and replies, “I don’t want the sloppy seconds, Gerri. I’m taking five to think big.” When she presses the issue again, promising that she has some good ideas, he flat out rejects her without even listening to her, and it is here where we see shades of his father in himself. It’s also what makes Gerri’s manipulation of Kendall easier later on. We can deduce that this is not the first time that Gerri has been pushed to the sidelines by one of the Roy family members, and at a time when help is sorely needed--and on the heels of Kendall openly asking for it--he outright rejects Gerri’s and essentially makes it clear to her that her help is second-rate help--only useful to him when it can get him out of a tight squeeze, but not so useful that he believes her worth listening to when the stakes are higher. This ties into her relationship with Roman as well. While Roman is always showcased as being the one who needs her, if we pay attention we can clearly see that Gerri’s need for him is equal to his. Gerri has been a part of Waystar for decades--at one point in Pre-Nuptial commenting to Kendall that she and Frank are reminiscing about their first visit to Caroline’s estate in 1986--making her one of the most senior members of staff. But what she has--it is implied--never had is someone who genuinely valued her ideas and her input. This is also what she gets from Roman. She tells him to do something, he does it. She throws an idea out, he listens. He becomes her voice, often using the phrases, “Gerri thinks” or “Gerri says” during Season 2. Through Roman, we hear Gerri, and through Gerri we see Roman’s potential. They carry each other. Roman is always depicted by his family as being stupid, and yet who was smart enough to seek out advice from the one person with the most experience at Waystar aside from Logan? Not his siblings. Because they believe they know better, their ego will be their downfall.

3. In Logan’s Shadow.

In Sad Sack Wasp Trap, we see shades of Gerri’s eventual betrayal of Kendall begin to take shape. Having tasted his first drops of power, real power, Kendall’s ego immediately starts to swell in little ways. We hear him telling Jess that he wants to do a run on the late-night TV circuit, having gotten the idea while traveling in L.A. Gerri reacts to this with disbelief, and Kendall retorts, “What does that mean? I was fuckin’ king of the Lampoon.” Kendall’s use of the word ‘king’ is used to purposefully emphasize the way he has begun to see himself--finally in the position he desired for so long, finally out of his father’s sphere of influence. His high is interrupted by Jess’ telling him that his father has dropped into the office and wants to see him. When Kendall asks Gerri if she knew about this, she denies this, but when he says, “Shouldn’t he have told you?” all she does is shrug coolly in his direction. This begs the question: did Gerri really not know? On the surface, it seems obvious she didn’t, but we have to consider that this moment comes right after Kendall’s complete disregard for her in the previous episode. Gerri’s motivation to help Kendall would be at a fairly low point, and what could be more amusing to her than to watch him fall flat on his face so quickly again, especially considering Logan’s outrage at Kendall’s decision to bring Stewy in to help their debt issue. Maybe she genuinely didn’t know, but given what she does later on, it would seem pertinent to wonder.

4. Take the piss.

Later in Sad Sack Wasp Trap, Kendall finds out that his father has pissed on his carpet and brings Roman, Gerri, and Frank in to assess and discuss the situation. He starts by lecturing them about what could happen if people knew Logan had done this, pointing out that this bit of knowledge could spear the company’s already flagging public persona, and trying to use that as a way to keep his father from attending the RECNY ball. He tries to drop the responsibility for fixing the situation into Gerri’s hands, telling her she needs to talk to Logan and tell him that if he intends to come back he has to do so via the proper avenues, and that he can’t just show up on a whim. Gerri listens for a while, and eventually delivers a barb that is subtle but effective. She asks Kendall, “What did you do, Kendall, when you realized he’d done this?”, referring to Logan’s pissing incident. Kendall immediately falters, stuttering that he didn’t want to embarrass his father in front of Stewy and basically admitting he did nothing. The camera sweeps over her and Roman’s faces, and they give Kendall the same look, suggesting they are disappointed but not surprised at his ineffectiveness. This moment also mirrors what Roman does later in Vaulter, undercutting his brother in front of his father to get the result he wants. The point of Gerri’s remark is to showcase her opinion of him. To Gerri, Kendall is nothing but a papa’s boy with a golden spoon in his mouth, someone who wants the power but is unwilling to work for it. And who can really blame Kendall? Considering the way his father treats him, he has learned from Logan that working is one thing, but using a by-way to get to the top faster is better, and he attempts to see this come to fruition by taking control of a company he is ill-equipped to lead. Gerri’s disgust for Kendall is fairly obvious, but to Kendall’s great misfortune, he is a swimmer in a shark tank, completely out of his league in her waters. She is faster than him, more subtle, more cunning, and lacking in conscience enough that when she disposes of him later she feels no remorse. Kendall has bad traits but he is overall not a bad character, and we see his better parts shine when he is not chasing power. But to Gerri, his better characteristics are a moot point. She undercuts him later once again, and we see how she delights in what she’s doing, how his weakness and trusting nature to her are disgusting, and if anything make it easier for her to do what she does. While Roman makes her prove herself equal, playing with her, seeing if she can give back what he puts out, Kendall takes for granted her abilities, wanting only a menial servant, and sees himself eaten alive.

5. I Will Guide Thy Hand.

During the RECNY ball, we find out--via Connor--the Kendall has plans to make a retirement announcement in Logan’s presence, allegedly so he can usurp the throne for himself. Though Kendall later denies this, we do know that he does not want his father to speak at the ball. Allegedly, this is out of ‘good will’, his concern for his father and the company mainly influencing his decision, but truthfully Kendall is also motivated by a desire to take hold of a position his father always had at the ball--as a speaker--and be on the receiving end of the adoration Logan is so used to. He wants to be seen by the public the way his father is: competent, powerful, totally in control; he also knows that there is a chance that Logan will declare himself CEO again, knocking Kendall from his throne--which eventually comes to fruition. Gerri knows this, is smart enough to intuit why Kendall is afraid, and is calm when Kendall once again comes to her for assistance, wanting her to handle his father. Unlike earlier, she doesn’t throw any barbs his way. She calmly promises to talk to Logan about his supposed speech and to try to dissuade him--while not so convincingly claiming she knew nothing about the speech at all to begin with. Instead of doing what she promised, she walks over to Logan and simply tells him, “Good luck tonight. Gonna knock it out of the park.” She gives him the motivation he needs to move forward with his plans, especially at a point where his health is so precarious. Gerri knows this, knows Logan well enough to understand that a little reassurance will ensure that Logan will do as planned and follow through with his decision. We see her later in the episode watching the whole thing play out during Logan’s speech, a self-satisfied smirk on her face, already knowing the end from the beginning. What we’re witnessing is the blooming of the flower on the end of the thread that started when Kendall disrespected her in Lifeboats. All he had to do to save himself was listen to Gerri, and yet he chose not to, believing he knew better than her how to reposition Waystar and lead the company into the future. He, who has been to rehab, fallen prey to his addictions and vices, and only played in the big leagues when he wanted to while Gerri--and the other members of Waystar--had to be there regardless of the circumstances in their personal lives. Again we can’t solely blame Kendall--he is the person his father has allowed him to be. We can also see that what Kendall lacks is the thing that makes Gerri so capable of remaining in power--detachment. Gerri is emotionally detached enough to do her job well and not worry about what amoral things she does to maintain her position of power. This is another trait she shares with Roman, who, after hearing how beleaguered the employees of Vaulter are, still guts the company and costs them their jobs without a second thought to the damage he is doing. With regard to her relationship with Kendall, for Gerri destroying him is not only easy but pleasurable. She knows that Kendall stupidly trusts her, and will remain none the wiser to her duplicitousness, and so she operates in the background, doing what she can to ensure he will lose what is so precious to him because of her--all while believing she did what she could to help him. This theme reminded me of the movie The Witch, hence the title of this particular post. Thomasin ends up in the hands of the Devil at the end, and--believing he will give her what she wants--she gives her soul to him. Like Kendall, she doesn’t realize that the person who is giving her what she wants is really taking everything, and she, like Kendall, is left with nothing in the end. Am I comparing Gerri to the Devil? Only superficially. She is certainly not totally like Satan, but from what we see here, she has the ability to operate like him: swiftly and maliciously.

#gerri/roman #gerri x roman #gerri kellman #roman roy #succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #succession thoughts

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awxward · 4 years ago

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A3! Boys + My Stuffed Animals

Spring Troupe:

Sakuya

Gabriel

Gabriel is a small elephant with big ears that constantly make him fall over. He has a pink bowtie that says 'I Love You'

Makes Saku feel safe and Gabriel is a reminder to himself that he's loved and appreciated by everyone at Mankai.

Named after a friend from theatre class :)

Masumi

George Washington

George Washington is a tiger. He is small, but his arms are like those slap bracelets so you can wear him on your wrist (or let him hang on the side of shelf like I do).

So I got Georgy-Boy for easter 2020. i asked my friends for name ideas. They sent me stuff like 'Stripes'. I went offline for a few minutes and when I came back online I told my friends his name was George Washington.

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Me: tiger has a name now

Friend: which name did you choose?

Me: his name is George Washington.

Friend: what the fuck. how'd you get George Washington?

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Pretty sure he got the name bc I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack.

Citron

Daniel

Daniel is mostly pink but has other pastel colors that look like watercolors. He's a unicorn. And a ketchain. And he's one of those dream lites, so he lights up. (He's supposed too anyway, but he's never lit up since i got him like 7 years ago at a yard sale).

Named after Daniel Howell (formerly danisnotonfire) [YouTube]

Tsuzuru

Lucifer

Lucifer is a small panda pillow pet. Very easy to travel with bc he fits in most backpacks.

My mom told me she wanted me to have a stuffed animal with a biblical name, i picked him up, looked her in the eye and said "His name is Lucifer." My mom tried to protest. "You said a biblical name, Mom. Lucifer is in the bible."

Itaru

Pao(???)

Pao is a panda. They are also a phone holder thingy. Like it'll hold your phone if you're watching movies or whatever.

Like 5-ish years old. Got them from a friend. They have a tag with their name on it, but I read it once and then just called them "the panda" for some reason instead of their actual name and now the tag is too faded to read the name, but i am 38% sure it says Pao or something close to that.

Chikage

Tsuki

Tsuki is a dinosaur. Tsuki is a sparkly dino. He's green rn, but if you brush your hand over him, the sparkles turn over and he becomes orange. I like green tho bc his tummy and the bottom of his feet are orange and so are his eyes.

Named after Tsukishima Kei (Haikyuu)

Summer Troupe:

Tenma

Hinata

Hinata is a narwhal. A bright orange narwhal. Infact he is the same color as Tenma's hair.

Named after Hinata Shoyo (Haikyuu) [bc its the same color as his hair. there is a theme with this narwhal and the anime boys i associate with them]

Yuki

Steve

Steve is a regular teddy bear, except he has a shirt that has pikachu on it. (the shirt was originally Tsuki's bc i got tsuki at a friends build a bear bday party, but it fits Steve better)

I just think Yuki would try new designs/color schemes/styles by making clothes for Steve to see how they look.

I got Steve from a claw machine (my bf at time won him for me just before we watched Endgame together.)

Named after Steve Rogers (Marvel)

Muku

Eeyore

Muku most definitely loves the Winnie the Pooh movies and I will fite for this hc. He gets my Eeyore. You know how Eeyore's tail is always going missing or falling off??? Eeyore's tail comes off (velcro) but its attached to his actual body with a string so it cant be misplaced.

Eeyore has a patch that says "official disney store" but i got him for $3 at a thrift store.

Misumi

Sherlock

Sherlock is a polar bear. Sherlock is very huggable. He makes Misumi feel safe. He has a hat and scarf (that don't come off. they are sewn on him)

the hat has a pom pom on top and the scarf has a pom pom on each end. the hat and scarf and the bottom of his feet have a blue/white plaid pattern.

Kazunari

Victor

Victor is a puppy and the first big stuffed animal of mine on the list! He's all tan and abt maybe 3-4 ft long. Victor lays pretty flat so he's comfy to lay/sit on. I think Kazu would like sitting or laying on him when drawing. Probably has him on his bed so he's like a giant pillow.

Victor is from Toys R Us. I got him last August-ish from my Aunt and Uncle who found him at a thrift store and thought I'd like him.

Named after Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice)

Kumon

PJ is a small white tiger. He is also a ball. He can fit in one hand. When Kumon is thinking or stressed or bored (etc) he just lays on his back and tosses PJ up into the air.

When Kumon is laying on the floor tossing PJ, Misumi sits on the bed closest to where PJ is and tries to grab him (but only if Kumon is in a good mood and okay with it) It's a fun little game they made up they like to play.

Pretty sure he was named after KickthePJ (YouTube)

liber pls give us a pic with all of autumn i am begging

Autumn Troupe:

Banri

Sammy

Sammy is another one of my large stuffed animals. He is also a puppy, but unlike Victor he is sitting instead of laying. He's abt 2-3 ft tall. His fur is the same color as Banri's hair. Great to squeeze at anytime, but very therapeutic when you're in a bad mood. Has a heart on his ear.

i got him abt 7 years ago. I had just finished spn season 2 and was upset abt the finale and had no way to start season 3.

Named after Sam Winchester

Juza

Tiggs

Tiggs is a beanie baby tiger. Tiggs is a little larger than PJ (and not a ball). He's a regular orange tiger instead of a white tiger like PJ. He'd buy Kumon PJ so they could have matching stuffed animals. Small and very comforting to just hold/hug.

Omi

Benedict (Ben)

Benedict, also known as Ben, is a small koala. Just a little bigger than Tiggs. He has a heart on one of his feet (i think the right one). very soft. very fluffy.

Named after Benedict Cumberbatch (Actor)

Taichi

Dean

Dean is my largest stuffed animal. He is a dark brown teddy bear that's abt 4-ish ft tall. He can be put in a corner and used as like a bean bag chair, or he can lay down flat and be a good pillow like Victor can.

It's very fun to just wrap around him and squeeze as tight as you can. Especially in when your in a bad mood. Very comforting to cry into.

I got him a couple years ago at a thrift store.

Named after Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Sakyo

Lev

Lev is a lion abt the size of a regular teddy bear (maybe slightly larger). I got him a thrift store so he's slightly worn out from age. He's mostly a pastel dark yellow-ish tan and his mane is dark brown. very huggable.

He's the stuffed animal I sleep with. Smells nice all the time, like the fabric softener.

Named after Lev Haiba (Haikyuu)

Sakoda

Emotional Support Iron Man

So Iron Man is small and he sparkles. He will hurt you/someone if thrown hard enough. Sakoda likes heroes bc they remind him of Sakyo they look cool. I'd hc that he got Iron Man from Sakyo when he was younger and its one of his most valued possessions and goes everywhere with him (or stays with Azamo or Sakyo at the dorm. Maybe Izumi or a couple others are on the list of who can watch over Iron Man.) Very protective of it.

Got the emotional support part of his name from a friend.

She saw Eddie Redmayne on a movie cover (think it was The Danish Girl) and started freaking out bc she loved him. I handed her the Iron Man and the next day she thanked me and said he was an Emotional Support Iron Man and the name stayed.

Azami

[Emotional Support] Spooder-Mon

Sakoda knew Azami as a kid. He most definitely got him the Spider-Man so they could have matching plushies.

Spider-Man is square and has little blob hands doing the web thingy. The tag said travel pillow, but he probably just chills by Azami's bed. When needed, Iron Man will be placed next to him if Sakoda can't take Iron Man with him.

I brought him to school one day and we had a bio test and all the people sitting around me passed him around and gave him a pat for good luck. We all got good grades and then he was dubbed as Emotional Support Spooder-Mon, but the Emotional Support title isnt part of his name (unlike the Iron Man).

i wanted guy in the pic, but i also wanted tsumu and hiso in the pic so you get 2 pics for winter

Winter Troupe:

Tsumugi

Phil

Phil is a zebra. He is a pillow pet zebra. Like Lucifer, Phil is also easy travel size. The bottom half of Phil is pink, so I refer to him as my pink zebra.

I just think it'd be cute to have Tsumugi with a pillow pet ok. I also thought he'd probably have has Phil for many years (since he was a kid) and Tasuku most definitely brings up things from when they were kids and shit.

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Tasuku: you chose the pink zebra, and for what???

Tsumugi: its a very aesthetically pleasing pastel pink.

Tasuku: THERE WAS A DOG PILLOW PET RIGHT THERE AND IT WAS CUTER

Tsumugi: dont talk bad abt Phil.

the rest of mankai: ????????

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I got phil before I got Lucifer many years ago. He was old when i got him and he is very old now. I love him so much.

Named after Phil Lester (AmazingPhil) [YouTube]

Tasuku

Cap

Cap is a husky. He was won from a claw machine with Steve.

There's just something abt the grey and white that gave me Tasuku vibes. Also, Cap's eyes are abt the same shade of blue as Tsumugi's and Tasuku knows this bc they are in love. Very squishy when hugged and with the way he sits, you could make it look like he's guarding something.

Named after Captain America (Marvel)

Homare

Ushijima (Ushi)

Ushijima, also called Ushi, is the last of my giant stuffed animals. He is abt 2-3 ft tall (like Sammy) and has a tail abt the same length.

Ushi is a raccoon thats mostly hot pink. Ushi's eyes are also pink and just abt the same shade as Homare's hair, although Ushi's fur is brighter by a few shades.

Ushi hurts when thrown/swung hard enough. Very fun to hug bc he's filled with beans (like beanie babies) so unlike all my other giant animals, he doesn't have to be fixed/adjusted after everytime you squeeze him. The tail has cotton tho and makes a good pillow.

Homare would definitely just see a 3 ft tall hot pink raccoon and claim it with no explanation.

Named after Ushijima Wakatoshi (Haikyuu)

Hisoka

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd (Vlad, Drac)

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd, who has many other names but usually goes by Vlad or Drac, is a vampire (surprise).

Vlad is a squishmallow thingy, and their tags say something abt them being able to be used as pillows, and thats why Hisoka gets Vlad.

Vlad is triangular in shape, with triangle ears, and triangle fangs, so I thought abt Misumi, but i figured Hisoka bc it's a pillow.

He's like the perfect travel size and he has a cape and a bowtie.

Named after Vlad the Impaler, the real life inspiration behind Dracula (my brother thought he was named after Vladmir Putin and I wanted to punch him for that but I was too busy laughing.)

Also named after Dracula, who was a vampire.

Idk where 'the 3rd' came from, but it's part of his name for forever.

Azuma

Sebastian

Sebastian is a dinosaur thats blue with a white tummy.

He's also a squishmallow, but he's bigger than Vlad by abt 2× as wide, so he'd be harder to carry around, which is why Hisoka got Vlad instead. Being a squishmallow means he looks more blob than dinosaur and i love it.

His tag said his name was Dominic or something, but I named him Sebastian before I actually checked the tag, so he's Sebastian.

Named after Sebastian (Black Butler) and Sebastian Stan (Actor)

Guy

Moriarty

Moriarty is my other polar bear. I got him with Sherlock and named him Moriarty bc Moriarty is Sherlock's nemesis.

He's just a plain white bear thats very huggable and adorable. I usually have a bowtie on him bc it makes him look fancy.

Guy would like him bc he's plain white and very fluffy.

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mordoriscalling · 4 years ago

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48 Weeks (3/4)

(Part 1) (Part 2)

Throughout the 48 weeks that Geralt and Jaskier spend apart, their relationship develops.

Aka, part 3 of the Singer and the Sailor AU no one asked for but I wrote anyway. The events of this story happen after Stay or Sail Away but before Homecoming. Warnigns: some sexual content ahead!

Weeks 25-36

Week 25

“There seems to be something special about the sea, doesn’t it?”

“Hmm.”

“You know, Tolkien once wrote that there was a special melody in between the sound of waves and seabirds’ song. Music that elves were susceptible to and, once they heard it, they couldn’t be satisfied by anything else but life at sea.”

There does seem to be something to it. Geralt hums again and asks, “Are you calling me an elf?”

Jaskier laughs. “You certainly are beautiful like one.”

Geralt scowls, thankful to all the gods that he can hardly blush. “You look more like an elf, with the ears."

Jaskier grins. “Ah, yes, that and my dashing good looks! And the fact that I love singing, and I don’t look my age and... wait.” Jaskier blinks. “Tell you what, maybe I am an elf.”

Geralt chuckles.

“And you, sir, you could be an elf too. You look like a legendary warrior from the First Age who would talk to dragons and outwit them.”

He rolls his eyes but lets Jaskier ramble on about his "warrior-ness".

Week 26

“You fucking what?!”

“You tried to teach chickens how to fly.”

“How is that worse than trying to school a bumblebee?” Jaskier shrieks. “What the fuck, Geralt?! How would you even attempt to do that?”

“We first trapped it in a jar –”

“Oh no.”

“– and then we would tap on the glass to make it fly in the opposite direction. In the end, it would fly away if it noticed our fingers getting close to the jar. That was our idea of schooling it.”

“The poor thing had to be terrified.”

“It was Eskel’s idea,” Geralt grumbles.

Jaskier sighs dramatically. “I can’t believe I love such a cruel man!”

Geralt freezes. “You what?”

“Shit."

Week 27

When Jaskier picks up, Geralt takes him in and his beauty is even more striking than usual. His features, both soft and sharp, his bright eyes, his charm and wit. Jaskier’s a talented, successful man, and Geralt can’t wrap his head around it.

“You love me?” he blurts out, still disbelieving.

“I’ve been serenading you for the past six months but thanks for noticing.”

Geralt snorts. “No, it’s... it’s you, and I am... me.”

He almost growls in frustration because words fail him yet again when he needs them most. Jaskier’s gaze softens with understanding anyway.

“Oh, my heart,” he replies quietly, “I know you think yourself broken and undeserving of good things because of your past but... you haven’t had an easy life and yet, you’re kind and willing to do so much for the ones you care about. You’re witty, sharp, capable and reliable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner, really,” Jaskier says, his smile almost shy.

Geralt doesn’t know what to say to any of that. Three decades ago, he was living in an orphanage, just a kid with anger management issues and shitty, shitty prospects for the future. Now, he has a fucking celebrity confess his love to him.

“I...” he begins, then trails off. He knows he has to say something. ‘Love’ refuses to pass through his throat but there’s no mistaking about the warmth Geralt feels whenever he even thinks about Jaskier and all the ways in which he’s ridiculous. “I,” he starts again, “I... feel the same.”

For once, Jaskier is silent, his eyes glistening.

Week 28

“The tour was a success! Minus all the expenses od renting venues and everything else, we still made some decent money, which is great news. And the fans!” Jaskier gushes, “oh, Geralt, the fans! It feels fantastic to be appreciated by so many.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s good to be home, though. It’d be even better if you were here, you know? I... I wish you were.”

Geralt swallows hard. “Me too.”

There’s the heavy silence between them again as they look at each other helplessly. This time, it’s Geralt who breaks it.

“Now that you’re back,” he says, “could you see how’s Ciri doing? You could... drop by Yen’s place sometime.”

Jaskier’s grin is blinding. “Sweetheart, I’d be honoured! But only if Yennefer allows it too, of course.”

Now that, that part’s going to be the hardest.

Week 29

“I can so imagine you in lingerie.”

Geralt raises his eyebrows in surprise. Jaskier takes it as a clue to go on.

“The lingerie would be black of course and oh, it’d look magnificent on your body. I’d just watch you touch yourself, sprawled on the bed. Darling, what a sight you’d make. I could come just from looking at you but I’d try not to because I’d want to take the lingerie off of you, piece by piece. Slowly.”

Geralt’s breathing is already harsh and laboured, and he’s undoing his trousers with his free hand. “Jaskier,” he grits out.

“Yes, dear?”

“Keep fucking talking.”

Jaskier smiles dangerously.

Week 30

Earlier this week, he received a message with another recording from Jaskier. The song is slow, gentle and loving, because there’s no other word for it. It makes Geralt feel abashed.

When Jaskier picks up the video call, Geralt asks, referring to the lyrics, “you really think you see me?”

“I think I do,” Jaskier replies, his voice warm.

It’s a lie. Jaskier has no idea about Blaviken, he doesn’t know the whole of Geralt’s story. Still, it’s a nice lie to believe in.

Jaskier tells him he loves him once again. Geralt says it back. He wants to have this as long as he can.

Week 31

On Saturday that week, it’s Ciri’s fifteenth birthday. Geralt’s call interrupts the birthday party.

“Happy birthday, Cub.”

Ciri grimaces a bit at the old nickname, making him chuckle. She starts growing into a proper lioness, not a cub any longer. Cirilla is their pride and joy – a clever, talented, headstrong girl. Geralt could’ve never raised such a child alone. When he found out he was supposed to be her legal guardian just a week before he turned thirty – that he’d have to take in a traumatised four-year-old with vague memories of her family she lost in a car crash – he needed help. He contacted Yennefer for the first time in years. Caring for Ciri brought their love back to life. Before he knew it, he proposed, and then the three of them made a proper family Geralt never knew he would have. Whenever he was away, Yen had help from her brothers, and if they were deployed too, she could always count on Vesemir.

His marriage to Yen turned out to be a disaster in the long run and really, all of them – him, Yennefer, Eskel, Lambert, Vesemir – are just different shades of fucked-up. Ciri is their collective effort, though, and it often feels like she’s one of the few things they’ve ever done right.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there,” Geralt tells her.

“It’s all right, dad.”

It’s not, he knows it isn’t. Geralt should be there with her. He’s missed out on so much of her life already, and yet the Navy took almost another year away from them. Geralt fears that when he finally returns for good, he’ll seem like a stranger to her because of all the time they’ve spent apart. He's afraid that she’ll not even want him to make up for it.

“I love you, Ciri,” he says, desperate for her to know it all of the sudden.

She smiles slightly. “I love you too, dad.”

He smiles too and wants to apologize again but then Jaskier appears. Ciri starts talking about taking piano lessons from him and then Jaskier joins in, chattering about what they’ll work on first. Geralt simply sits back and lets their words wash over him in warm waves.

Week 32

There seems to be some development in the relationship dynamics back at home.

“Your ex-wife is very sexy and very scary,” Jaskier says, all casual, “I wish I could hate her but her fashion sense is impeccable. Is sexy and scary your type, by the way? Because if so, I only fall in within the sexy category.”

“Hmm.”

“Geralt, you wound me–”

Week 33

“I hate him.”

Geralt sighs. “You two are getting along, then?”

“He will do,” Yennefer answers. “You downgraded, of course, but you could’ve done worse.”

“Yen.”

“Fine. I’ll say this: I think he’ll be good for you.”

A smile tugs at his lips. “He is.”

“I’m glad to see you happy.”

Her voice is gentle like it almost never is and there’s an ache in his chest. In moments like this, the old regret that they didn’t work out burns bright. They’re too different and alike for it to be anything but damaging, though; similarly scarred and scared, knowing exactly where to bite on the raw. They lash out when they’re hurt, and they’re not good people, not exactly. All of this does not mix well. The good days, when they soared, could not compensate for all the pain.

The divorce two years ago was one of their best decisions, but they’re there for each other still, in a way no one really understands.

“I want to see you happy too, Yen,” he says.

“I have Ciri.” He doesn’t reply and she lets out a heavy breath. “I’m getting there. I think I really am.”

“That’s good. You... deserve it.”

“Aw, Geralt, Jaskier’s turned you all soft.”

Week 34

The past week, there have been three storms, two damages to the ship and one conflict among the crew. Geralt is just grateful that his job pays as well as it does.

He does miss home but the heaviness in his chest at the thought of his loved ones is not crushing anymore. Most days, he doesn’t think about them as much as he used to. When he focuses on work at hand, it seems like the ship, the crew and the waves around are the only things existing in the world. They’re supposed to get from one point to another, one task after another, and it’s fulfilling when they achieve it. He’s at home in the simplicity of it.

But then, there’re moments when he remembers that there’s another home, right where his family is, a whole world away. His weekly calls with Ciri, Yennefer and Jaskier only serve to aggravate him, showing him that there’s a different life for him out there. The sea pales in comparison to it.

This week, Geralt doesn’t like the reminder especially. He sees Jaskier on the screen and hates that he’s so far away, that it’s been like this for so long.

They don’t do much talking. Jakier strums his guitar idly and Geralt listens.

Week 35

“Your older brother is so nice!”

Jaskier angles the camera so that it shows Eskel next to him. Eskel raises his hand in greeting with a smile. Ciri is there too, focused on cutting vegetables.

They’re standing by the kitchen island in Yennefer’s apartment. Eskel returned from a deployment a few days ago and, being a good brother and uncle, he’s started taking care of their cub right away.

“He’s the devil incarnate,” Geralt grunts in reply.

Eskel makes a rude gesture at him.

“I refuse to believe it, darling!” Jaskier answers, “Such a sweet man cannot be evil.”

Eskel and Jaskier smile at each other. Something in Geralt goes dead cold.

He’s very well aware that his older brother is more attractive than him, particularly when it comes to character traits. Eskel’s gentler, more articulate and charming; a much better match for Jaskier, in truth.

Geralt secretly dreaded Eskel and Jaskier finally meeting and now as he watches the two joke and talk, it appears that he was right.

Week 36

“Just three more months!” Jaskier exclaims in greeting.

Geralt brushes his hand over his face because there’s nothing “just” about it. It’s been eight months at sea and the memories from before the deployment are like a distant dream.

“I wrote you a song, by the way. It’s about you coming home.” Jaskier smiles. “I know I’m getting a bit ahead of myself but it’s a nice thought. You being back.”

The song is by far the shortest and simplest Jaskier wrote for him but Jaskier voice has the haunting quality like it always does. Geralt, as always, can’t stop thinking it.

That day, he stands at the side of the ship and listens to the waves. He can almost hear the sea’s music and he already knows he’s going to miss it but at the same time, he can’t wait to be back on land; to return to the other home.

#myfic #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #the witcher fanfiction #modern au #the Sailor and the Singer AU

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150289city · 4 years ago

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ILLUSION - SURREALISM

Analyse creative manipulation images.

1. Zdzislaw Beksinski

The canvas, known as "Creeping Death", evokes a lot of emotions and remains relevant all the time. The leitmotif is death, which creeps silently like a spider. This is how he appeared in the eyes of the painter - death comes unexpectedly and destroys everything on its way.

Beksiński's paintings were about loneliness and the inevitability of death. The painter also often presented a vision of Armageddon. This is also the case of "Creeping Death". The end of the world appears in dark, brown and bloody colors. And death takes its toll and disappears unnoticed from the battlefield. The city burning in the background means that death has won again. Nobody survived. Death can take many shapes, it can resemble a human, an animal or a spider. In the painting by Zdzisław Beksiński, he is a terrifying creature that leaves the ruined area on its cramped limbs. Instead of the face, you can see a bandage through which a blood stain pierces. Instead of a torso, there is a hairy abdomen, similar to that of deadly spiders, and they will always flee from impending danger. Just like death, which also has time to hide from fire.

Beksiński's painting is one of the most terrifying contemporary works of Polish painting. Suffering, anger and resignation permeate them. The artist knows that he is unable to change his fate. He only has pain and the awareness that death will come for him. "Creeping Death" can be a universal picture, presenting the world after war, apocalypse or catastrophe. They can also be the darkest thoughts of every human being that circulate through the mind looking for an outlet. Because everyone is struggling with their own demons, which may appear completely different. It is certain that they cause fear, but they are essential in the fight against the suffering that is part of human life.

2. SALVADOR DALI

There are four clocks in the picture. One hangs from a dry tree, the other, with a blue shield and golden edging, flows down from a brown plinth. There is a fly on it, which can symbolize the "flying" and passing time. The orange watch lying next to it seems to be less soft and melting than the others. Ants crawled over him. The orange clock looks like it's about to be eaten by insects. Ants are here a symbol of rotting, decay. The fourth clock is in the center of the painting. It flows down from a deformed, beige-colored form. Only after looking closely you can see something like a nose, eyelid, long eyelashes. The distorted form resembles skin pulled from the face. According to some, it is a self-portrait of Salvador himself.

"Soft clocks" is nothing but a delicate, extravagant and lonely, paranoid-critical camembert of time and space.’’ Salvador Dali

Persistence of memory is perhaps one of the artist's most recognizable works. It was established in 1931. The idea was born when Dali, eating a melting French Camembert cheese, saw clock faces in it.

Dali created works that were supposed to amaze or shock. He did not represent anything directly, but through a vision. Therefore, he is included in the group of surrealists. Obraz Persistence of memory is a dream about time deformed by memories and dreams. Gala - Dali's muse and wife - said about this painting that the viewer's memory would only be the "softness" of the watches, because anyone who saw this work at least once would never forget it. The rocks of Cape Creus are an element of the landscape that appears in many of Dali's works. They have become an example of "hard" forms. The artist, who has a well-prepared drawing and knows the perspective, creates in a surprising way. An example is theoretically correctly painted clocks, but why is one of them hung over a branch, and the other running off the counter? It was this astonishment that the artist wanted to combine various objects in any way. The elements of the painting are arranged on the canvas in such a way that we have the impression of a large space and emptiness. Thanks to vivid imagination, all details have been divided into soft and hard. Clocks are among the soft ones.

3. RENÉ MAGRITTE

With my popular sympathy for the Belgian painter René Magritte, I have allowed myself to be introduced to you by opening the whole series "Art for Tuesday" with his "Lovers". Together with the blog returning to the expanses of the Internet, let Magritte be the patron of the reactivation of this cycle, this time with her "Son of Man".

The very title "Son of Man" (French: "Le fils de l'homme") is a bit puzzling when confronted with this picture presents itself.

After all, we see an elegant man in a suit and a bowler hat against the background of the wall separating him from the sea, above him there are clouds that announce a storm or storm. And what is very important - it is a self-portrait.

Oh yes, I would ... Before the face of forgotten people (levitating?) A green apple that makes his face invisible, revealing part of the eye and eyebrow in fact. We have to remind ourselves that the Belgian was definitely a surrealist who grew out of the impressionist school. However, he used his symbolic linguistic voice, which was shaped by such tragic experiences as the mother's suicide - hence the motive of the shroud. The motif of a veiled face, or the lack of it, is constantly present in Magritte's painting. Maybe it allows you to stay safe? For both the "covered" and those looking at him? Or maybe these masks and covers allow for proper perception of things (I refer to the author's painting "Rape")?

As for the "Son of Man", a stretched (as always), original interpretation appeared in my head.

The apple ripens with its apple tree represented by the man. He is well dressed, which can mean high social status. Or maybe an apple covering a man's face makes him anonymous? is it just a tree from which society grows? And when he dies, will someone eat the forbidden fruit that he has grown, and will continue this process? Another "Son of Man" ..?

4. Max Ernst

"Day and Night" is a work that Max Ernst painted in the years 1941-1942. It presents a gloomy rocky landscape in dark colors. The image of the night is dominant here - the dark blue sky and the outlines of boulders. On the dark background, however, there are traces of the day, resembling daytime photographs of the same space. In these pictures these places appear completely different - they are sunny and full of bright colors. They do not resemble a barren night landscape.

Ernst's work follows surrealist poetics. Its meaning becomes understandable above all in the historical context in which it was created. It is about the tragedy of World War II, which left its mark on the artist's own biography. He miraculously managed to escape from the hands of the Gestapo and emigrate from France to the United States.

The night landscape is a barren land devoid of color and optimism. One gets the impression that we are dealing with a world completely destroyed by some cataclysm. His memories are only optimistic photographs from the past, which show the old face of the landscape. These optimistic incrustations in combination with the dominant gray and sterility not only do not cheer up the whole, but make it even more repulsive. We are dealing here with a world that will never return to its former glory.

The colorful pictures bring to mind illustrations from children's books. Thus, the artist refers to the myth of childhood as a lost paradise. Children's dreams are triggered here, in which reality seems to be a magical and wonderful being. At the same time, the juxtaposition of colored fragments with a gloomy background is also associated with the biblical Eden, where innocence and beauty are destroyed by sin and evil.

You can also understand "Night and Day" as a kind of puzzle. The picture resembles a puzzle that needs to be matched in an appropriate way so that they form a whole together. In this sense, one should see in Ernst's work traces of hope for rebuilding what was destroyed during the war. It is, in a way, a proposal to organize the world once again so that it becomes a place where a person feels safe again.

5. Pablo Picasso

"Guernica" is a famous painting by Pablo Picasso, painted in 1937 in reaction to the Spanish Civil War. The work is an act of protest against violence and at the same time a great manifestation of pacifism.

The title of the painting comes from the name of a Spanish city bombed by the German Luftwaffe air force in response to resistance to General Franco's group.

"Guernica" shows deformed human and animal figures, forming a chaotic swirl. You can see the bodies in pieces, especially the heads and limbs. The severed hands tighten tightly on the objects they hold: a candle or a sword. The mouths of the characters are usually open in a silent scream, and terror is visible in their eyes. People seem to squirm in deathly groans. Human figures blend with animals.

The whole thing looks like a huge, dynamic swirl. The depressing impression is deepened by the colors of the painting, in shades of black and gray. The central part of the painting is lit by a light bulb in the upper edge of the work. It seems that the situation depicted in the picture takes place in a narrow room, intensifying the impression of being surrounded and threatened.

The painting was painted in cubist aesthetics, which in the case of such a dramatic topic emphasizes the cruelty and tragedy of war. The fragmentation of the solid is here not only an act of artistic deformation, but also emphasizes the essence of any armed conflict, which is the total destruction of the world.

The war appears on Picasso's canvas as unbridled chaos and suffering. People dehumanize, they are reduced to the level of terrified animals, driven by the survival instinct. Human remains are clearly deformed, they resemble meat. Human and animal bodies are fragmented as if after a bomb had exploded.

The symbol of destruction is the Spanish bull emerging from the gloom, which covers the unfolding events with an unshakable gaze. Broken hands clutch at useless objects, among which stand out a candle and a broken sword. The former may symbolize the desire to illuminate the escape route, but it is also a sign of mourning for those who died. A broken sword and a torn horse indicate the uselessness of conventional weapons in a modern war that brings mass death and destruction.

Picasso's painting exudes an atmosphere of fear and terror, the image of a mother lamenting over a child's corpse is particularly poignant. The claustrophobic narrowness of the room in which the characters find themselves emphasizes the non-exit character of their situation.

#preproduction #illusion

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muthaz-rapapa · 4 years ago

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Sekai Seifuku Sakusen Wishlist

Hello people~

Say, does anyone still remember that figure line by Megahouse *retches* ?

Well, it was a short-lived series focused on, as the name (“World Uniform Operation”) suggests, showcasing female characters in their school uniforms.

To my knowledge, all of them were released as 1/10 scaled (eww). And the Precure seasons that had the privilege of getting figures...

Were Futari Wa, Fresh and Heartcatch.

Sailor Moon got theirs as well (the Inner Senshi + Naru) but they were very meh, imo. You were better off getting a more dynamic-looking prize figure at a significantly lesser cost.

Anyways, back to Precure. Not surprised about these three given their seasons’ popularity up to that point. But a shame because as of 2016, there hasn’t been announcement of any new figures. Which basically means, this line didn’t do well. Didn’t do well = the project is more or less cancelled.

On one hand, I’m sorta glad cuz the prices on these figures were ludicrous, especially when made at that scale and with Megahouse’s poor quality track record (I don’t even want to go into all that limited exclusivity bullshit). I bought Tsubomi and Itsuki and they seemed pretty alright. Still too much for a scale with such a simple design, though.

Then on the other, I can’t help but whine to myself a little cuz this is such a great concept. We rarely get merchandise of the Cures in their civilian forms and if they have there Cure alter-egos to go with them, it would be an awesome display on a collector’s shelf.

*SIGH* ...oh well.

That said...if there was a continuation for this series, then here’s my wishlist of the seasons + uniforms I want the most to least:

1) MahoPre - Nobody should be surprised that this is my first pick. MahoPre will always have a very deep, very special place in my heart and as far as uniforms go, the Magic Academy one is indeed my top favorite in all of Precure.

Because duh, it’s for magic school, not regular school, so the design had to match with that idea in mind. And it turned out so charming, didn’t it? I love the magenta/pink color scheme, the plaid bow, the mini sewn-on cape.

Definitely would want the witch hats and wands with them as well. Maybe even the brooms if someone’s feeling generous, enough? hehe :)

Dude, I should just open up my own figure company and make these myself.

2) Go!Pri - I wasn’t a fan of overalls growing up but my opinion of them has shifted to a more positive one recently thanks to seeing the latest fashion trends and Precure’s influence on me.

Really, the character designers draw the girls so cute in overall dresses that I can’t help but think it as well!

Anyways, it seems I have a penchant for academy uniforms or something. There’s a combination of cuteness and sophistication there that I find difficult to resist. Also, the purple undershirt is very fitting since they attend Royal Academy. Wish my school uniform was that nice-looking but alas, I didn’t go to an academy in the Precure world. :P

Anyways, I wouldn’t get all the girls from Go!Pri. Just Kirara and Towa who are my forever favorites. <3

I’ve also seen someone’s fanart of them as a pair (and Haruka + Minami as another pair) based on the Sekai Seifuku Sakusen concept so you can imagine the huge disappointment I felt when I knew Megahouse would never get to this season. *sobbing*

3) KiraPre - As I said in another post, I’m not collecting KiraPre merchandise but the KiraPati uniform is to die for.

I know this breaks the trend of the line needing to be in “school uniforms” but KiraPre’s school uniforms aren’t anything to write home about. These, however, are much more adorable and therefore, more marketable. ;)

4) StarPre - SERAFUKU BISHOUJO SENSHI

For sure, since they both have space themes, it was only appropriate for StarPre to pay homage to Sailor Moon with having the Star girls wear serafuku.

I like the simplicity of it as well. Hehe~ ^^

And whether I would want everyone or not...it really depends on what kind of poses they’re in and if they can complement each other well.

Also, I suppose since Yuni never went to school, she’d just have a figure in her normal Blue Cat outfit which is fine, too.

5) SuitePre - Mm, yes, this one I’ve been waiting the longest for, despite the seasons listed before it on this list.

I wouldn’t say Suite’s uniform is the most unique but I do love the contrast of the overall cyan color with the magenta contours and bow. It’s a shade I don’t think I’ll ever see on another school uniform and even so, it’ll probably be hard to pull off nicely.

Suite managed to do it and I’m sure we can find tons of references to give the girls the perfect pose. So yea, I’d definitely consider the whole set as well if everyone can get a great sculpt and paint job.

As for Ako, she doesn’t have a school uniform so we can just put her in the same group as Aguri and Emiru and call it the Pipsqueak Elementary Squad.

6) HealPre - I love this uniform immensely for how neat and snug it looks. Not to mention, the dark green just makes it look very comfortable to wear overall. I know, maybe it’s just me being weird but it gives off a very calming effect.

And as Precure allows for more variations in clothing and accessories among the main cast, it would make for more interesting figures as well. Then you wouldn’t feel like you’re getting the same figure with only different heads and poses.

...and socks.

Would definitely love to have Nodoka.

7) Hugtto - Pretty much the same reasoning as HealPre’s above.

In all honesty, there’s nothing that special about this uniform so the fact that the Hugtto girls could wear something of their own choice over it really brings out their characters more that way.

8) SmilePre - Also like Heal and Hugtto above but to a lesser extent, I guess.

Still, Smile is quite favored among Precure seasons so I’d think they sell well regardless.

This uniform isn’t half bad either. I’m not sure why because there’s not that huge of a resemblance but looking at their shoulders kinda reminds me of a military officer’s uniform, especially from the back. Just a little bit.

My pick would definitely be Reika in this pose specifically.

9) Splash Star - Let’s say for the record that I like all the Precure school uniforms (or just uniforms in general). So Splash Star should actually rank higher (around where Suite is) given its more unique design.

Hardly anyone else employs brown or plaid so this combination along with the sailor collar over the blazer (?)... I just think it makes Saki and Mai look very endearing. Hmm, yes, I approve! :D

However, this is a season I’m not familiar with so my demand for it is less than the others. But I do think they deserve to get their figures first. What with being the second Precure installment and all. shouldn’t that count for something?

10) Yes! 5 - Oh, I do love the Yes!5 girls.

But...they suffer from lack of variation the most out of all the other teams. Seriously, even in one set of of their casual clothes, they all own the same shirt albeit in their different, respective theme colors.

It’s...weird. But less so on a school uniform, I guess.

Anyways, pose and sculpt would be the trick here. Even though Yes! 5 does have its fair share of fans, with how old and poorly received both their seasons are, you’d be hardpressed to find a lot of collectors willing to shell out for figures of them. So there would have to be more effort in making them look exceptional to draw a crowd.

11) DokiPre - It’s hard to find everyone wearing their uniforms in the same shot and frankly, I think I can count all the times I’ve seen Alice wearing her own uniform (it’s this) on one hand??

I mean, does Alice even go to school with all the private tutelage she probably receives or is it just a formality? ...I dunno.

Whatever. I think this uniform looks nice and the girls look nice but it’s not as eye-catching than if they were to wear their casual clothes.

12) HaCha - Feel bad for putting this last because it certainly isn’t the worst of ‘em (none of them are) and I do quite like it (because there’s red and I like red).

It’s just...hmm, I dunno. I guess it’s because the top’s buttons sorta makes me think of a chef suit. It doesn’t bother me or anything but... it’s just the first thing I think of when I see it. ( ^ ^ ;)

*sigh* With how HaCha’s being treated in S.H. Figuarts department and its polarizing reception in the fandom in general, I doubt this would be a priority on many people’s wishlists. Still, it would be wonderful to see HaCha get even some love, y’know?

~~~~~

Yea.

My dreams aren’t that big but they’re long alright. :3

#precure #merchandise #collection ramblings

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heyyyharry · 6 years ago

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My Girl Series: Chapter 3 - His Muse

…in which Y/N is finally happy again, but Harry realizes it’s not because of him.

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 2: Homeward Bound - Childhood friends meet again, this time, at a funeral.

wattpad link

"Don't pose," Isaac said as he lifted the camera again, but Y/N seemed even more confused by the instruction. She awkwardly sat on the park bench with her legs crossed and both hands on her knees, like one would do in a high school class photoshoot.

"Don't pose, Y/N." He laughed, making the model roll her eyes.

"I don't know what to do," she said, showing a pucker between her brows. Isaac could already tell she was hot-tempered and impatient by nature, but he actually loved it.

"You know what? Let's talk," he suggested, leaving her puzzled. "Tell me why you were crying."

"It's complicated," she answered with a subtle smile and he quickly snapped a photo, but she didn't notice. "We've only just met, I don't want to scare you away."

"What? Are you a serial killer or something?" Isaac clicked his camera again as he chuckled.

"What if I am?"

"That makes two of us." He shrugged. One more shot of her laughing was taken. "How old are you, Y/N?"

"Twenty-five."

"Liar. You're not twenty-five." He scoffed at the playful smile on her face, moving to the left to capture a different angle of the girl.

"How old do you think I am then?" She raised an eyebrow.

And with a smirk, he joked, "sixteen."

"Sixteen?!"

Y/N gasped, crossing her arms as both of them burst out laughing. She demanded him to be serious and tell her what he really thought, so he said, "somewhere between nineteen and twenty."

"Bingo! I'm turning twenty next month."

"Happy early birthday!"

"Thank you." She giggled and saw him snap another photo. "How old are you, Isaac?"

"Twenty-four."

"I know someone who's twenty-four."

"Well, surely I'm not the only one in this world who's twenty-four."

Pressing his lips into a smile, the photographer came to sit down next to the girl and showed her their results. Y/N was so impressed by those photos that she didn't know what to say besides how great she thought they were, but she assumed he'd heard that a lot already. As Isaac went back to the very first photo, the one of her crying, he suddenly pressed delete. The photo had vanished by the time Y/N grabbed his wrist and asked him what he'd done.

"I like that one!" She cried out.

"Let it go, Y/N. You're not that crying girl anymore." He shook his head. "This is you." The way he'd said it while pointing to a photo of her beaming got Y/N blushing hard.

"I think I look weird when I smile," she admitted.

"No, you don't!" He disagreed, chuckling at the look on her face as she probably assumed he wasn't serious. "From the view of a professional photographer, I can confirm that you have a beautiful smile."

"I don't believe you."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Isaac seemed offended and she thought it was funny. "You know what? I'm gonna call you Smiley from now on, so you'll remember to smile more often."

Y/N's body turned to stone as goosebumps pimpled her skin. Once again, she found herself back in the treehouse, she was standing in front of a boy whose eyes were as green as a meadow on summer days. "Bambi," he called her, and she almost answered. But the shade in his eyes was soon washed out by ocean blue when Isaac's voice pulled her back to reality.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking quite concerned. "You don't like that?"

"I do..." Even Y/N could tell it wasn't hard to make out the insincerity in the way she laughed. "You just reminded me of someone."

"Boyfriend?" The look of disappointment on the man's face got Y/N beaming again. She shook her head and told him it was a boy, but definitely not a friend.

"An acquaintance," she clarified, nodding her head, almost as if she was telling herself. The answer made Isaac seem elated.

He couldn't explain those feelings to himself, because it was impossible to fall for someone so fast, yet there he was, wearing his heart on his sleeves while sitting next to a girl four years younger than him. Most of the words in his head had vaporized. It took him nearly a minute to stop fidgeting and finally ask her, "do you want to have lunch with me?"

To his delight, she said yes without a pause.

It was Monday morning, and Harry was just about to head out when his best friend rang on his doorbell. It should be out of the ordinary to find Isaac Skies standing in front of his house, holding a bottle of champagne with a gold satin ribbon around its neck, but Harry knew exactly the reason why. In fact, he had expected something a bit more extravagant, but maybe that one bottle would do.

Harry rolled his eyes as he stepped aside so Isaac could enter. Maybe he was still a little bit upset, but of course, he could never stay mad at his best friend.

"Why didn't you show up yesterday? The models were so mad and I had to apologize on your behalf," he said, watching Isaac set the sorry gift down on the coffee table. "I tried calling you but you had your phone turned off. You didn't come home last night and your manager didn't know where you were!"

"Relax. I was with a girl."

Harry leaned a shoulder against the wall, slowly shaking his head at the answer he wasn't so surprised to hear. "You bailed on me because you were horny?"

"No, you dick. It's not like that." Isaac crossed his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling, lips curved into a smile. Harry had known him for almost six years, so he knew that his best friend didn't get excited about just anything. The last time Isaac smiled that big, he got a shooting contract with one of the biggest fashion magazines in London. So the girl, whoever she was, must've been very special.

"So..." The photographer sucked in a breath. "About the favor I asked you for my exhibition."

"Oh you mean, hooking you up with some pretty models so you could blow them off like you did yesterday?" Harry rolled his eyes. The sarcasm made his best friend chortle.

"Well, I don't need your help anymore," Isaac said. "I think I've found my muse."

"You slept with some girl one night and now she's your muse?"

"Don't be a dick, Styles. It's not like that. I really like this girl."

"What's her name?"

"Huh?"

"Your 'muse'." Harry did air quotes to make fun of the way his friend had referred to a girl he barely knew. "What's her name?"

Isaac never got a chance to answer that question, because as soon as he opened his mouth, the notification alerts on their phones grabbed their attention immediately. Both had just received a text from a mutual friend that linked to the same online article. The atmosphere in the room weighted down at once as they both stared at the screens in complete shock.

"Did you know about this?" Isaac was the first to break the silence, but he only to received a simple 'no' from Harry. That question was actually pointless. Had Harry already known, he wouldn't be sitting there like a statue. At first, he could not believe in his own eyes, so he had to go over that article several times to check if it was real; and unfortunately, it was.

ACTRESS RUBY ELLIS IS OFFICIALLY ENGAGED!

After taking nearly 4 months off social media, actress Ruby Ellis made a SHOCKING return with an Instagram post showing her shiny diamond ring, and "I said yes!!!" was the caption.

Though most fans were happy and excited for the actress, her big announcement has definitely broken lots of hearts, especially for the fans who fell in love with Ellis in her latest film "My Dear Assistant". Many had been waiting for the actress to confirm her "secret relationship" with younger co-star Harry Styles. However, with that Instagram post, there's no doubt that Ellis is still very in love and happier than ever with her fiancé, 30-year-old actor James Clark.

"When was the last time you talked to Ruby?"

Harry shifted his eyes away from the screen as he heard his best friend's question. He quickly turned off his phone and shoved it back into his pocket.

"Uh...Probably a couple months ago...I don't know." He shook his head, eyes squeezed shut. "But it doesn't matter anymore."

"She's not worth your time, mate."

"I know, I know."

He didn't. He didn't know.

If Harry had known loving that woman was a waste of time, then that news shouldn't have broken his heart. He knew she'd been seeing someone, but he had never expected to find out about their engagement through an online article, just like everyone else. It was heartbreaking how one minute you were everything to someone, and the next you knew as much about them as a stranger on the street.

Speaking of familiar strangers, he suddenly remembered that he had somewhere else to be.

"Where are you going?" Isaac asked when Harry came to get his coat on the back of a chair.

"I need to go see someone. Have you got the keys?"

"Yup."

"Lock the door on the way out, yeah?"

Isaac nodded, looking totally perplexed, yet the second he meant to ask, Harry already threw on his coat and walked out the door.

When Y/N said those words to Harry at his house yesterday, she believed that would be the last time she saw him. She believed he would leave her alone, like he had many times ago, because that was what most of the people in her life had done. But now, he was standing right outside her door, and before she could say a word, he cut her off and went straight to the point.

"I called your father last night," he said. "He told me everything."

"Everything?" She cracked a smile, but it was obvious that she didn't actually think it was funny. "Did he tell you about the wedding?"

"Yes, he did." Harry nodded.

"Did he tell you the woman he was gonna marry was just a few years older than you?" Judging from the look on his face, she knew her dad hadn't mentioned it. "Did he also tell you that he started seeing her a month after my mother's funeral? That on the night of the accident, there'd been a fight and my mother had to leave the house? Did he tell you that?"

Y/N had never told anyone about that tragical night, not even Celine and Amala; and she let people freely make assumptions about her mother's death. They could believe whatever they wanted to believe, but Y/N knew what really happened, or at least she thought she did.

On the night of the accident, her parents were fighting like they always had. Eighteen-year-old Y/N must rehearse her speech for graduation in the morning, so she came downstairs and asked them to lower their voices. But as the girl entered the kitchen, she only saw her dad standing with his head hung low, palms laid flat on the marble surface of the kitchen counter. He told her not to worry, because her mother had gone out to buy her a celebration cake. She could still remember how happy she was when she heard it. She believed him, and went back to her room. Just a couple hours later, the police arrived. Y/N rushed downstairs when she saw the blue and red lights from her bedroom window, just in time to find out there had been an accident.

Her graduation day was the day her whole world fell apart. She stepped onto the big stage, trembling hands holding the speech she had practiced so many times and remembered every single word by heart. While everyone else was applauding for her motivational words, she was faking smiles, trying to hold back her tears as she looked at the two empty seats in the audience. Y/N broke down the second she stepped down from the stage, and had to be escorted out of the ceremony. Not long after that, the hospital officially announced her mother's death, and on the day that was supposed to be the beginning of a new chapter in her life, she felt like it was the end to everything. So she blamed herself, had it not been for that stupid celebration cake, maybe her mum would never have left the house, and the accident would never have happened.

But it wasn't her fault. It had never been. She hated how her father had let her believe that she was partly responsible for her mother's death. He could've told her the truth, that her mother left the house to get away from a terrible fight, there was never a cake. If she'd known that, maybe she wouldn't have spent the last two years tormenting herself.

"I didn't know," Harry broke the silence that followed after Y/N's story. "I didn't...I didn't know," was all he could say.

"Of course you didn't know. Even my friends don't."

The fact that she no longer considered him as her friend made his heart ache, yet he couldn't blame her. He had missed out six years of her life, no friend would do something like that.

"I think they were fighting because my mum found out about the other woman..." She shook her head, eyes glued to her feet. "I don't know, I'm afraid to ask."

"How did you find out about everything?"

"That woman said it herself." Y/N scoffed. "She called to tell me about the engagement, then by accident mentioned my parents' fight that night, thinking I'd already known."

Harry had no idea what to say next. He had no idea what to do next either. Maybe he should just leave, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to hold her and tell her he would be there through everything, even if she might not believe him after he'd failed to keep that promise twice. There were so many plot holes in their story and he didn't know where to begin mending it. He didn't want to stay away and let her do whatever she wanted with her life, because after all, she was still a special part of his childhood, a special part of him. However, she might not want him back into her life, and he would completely understand if she asked him to leave.

"I'm sorry."

Those two words weren't what Harry had expected from her. Now he felt like such an asshole, because he'd asked for her address from her father to come and apologize, but she ended up saying it first.

"I'm sorry for my attitude yesterday. I was upset about my dad, and his fiancé, it wasn't your fault." Her lips twitched, trying to form a smile, but it was no different from a frown. "Thank you for looking after me, but you really shouldn't be here."

Just like that, she turned to go back inside, about to leave him hanging like she had yesterday, but he couldn't let her walk away from another unfinished conversation. Harry held onto her wrist and pulled her into his arms, risking her pushing him away or even hitting him for touching her without her permission. But she didn't do either of them. She let him hold her.

Y/N just stood still with her arms glued to her sides and her face against his chest. It took her a moment to finally relax in his embrace, closing her eyes and melting into the warmth of his body. That hug felt different than the one they'd shared in the treehouse two years ago, probably because her feelings for him weren't the same.

"I'm sorry for everything." He tilted his head down to whisper into her ear. "For leaving, for not coming back like I'd promised, for the fucked up thing I did before I left again for the second time, I—"

He would've gone on forever had she not pulled away and interrupted him. "Let's not bring up the past, okay?"

The past, she meant the kiss, and everything that followed. She'd tried to figure it out, to guess what was on his mind when he leaned in and kissed her and she kissed him back. However, she gave up when she realized it didn't have to mean anything. She blamed it on the mixed up emotions, on the spur of the moment, on the pain in her heart for the loss of her mother. And as for him, he must have been just as confused.

She didn't want to know about the woman that had answered the phone, or why he'd never called her back, not even once in the last two years. None of that mattered anymore. She'd promised herself to give up on him, and she had. There was really no point in asking him to make up a reason or an excuse for what could no longer be changed.

"I talked to someone last night, and that person told me that I needed people in my life. Everyone does." Her lips curved into a small smile, a real one this time. "And...I thought to myself that if I saw you again, I would apologize...and if you ever....want to start over, we can work on that."

"I...I want to."

"What?" She'd heard him well, she just didn't believe it.

"I want to start over," he repeated himself, more assertive this time as he smiled back at her. "I also spent last night thinking about that."

It was actually the first time in six long years Harry had seen a real smile on his Bambi's face.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N," she said with a serious look, which made him laugh.

"And I'm Harry," he played along, shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you, Bambi."

Y/N invited Harry into her flat. It was small and messy as always, but now that he was already outside her door, she couldn't just ask him to leave. She made him a cup of tea and they sat on the couch, finally opening up to each other for the first time in six years. Of course, both left out many details that they weren't ready to confide just yet, but it was quite a good start. From morning, to noon, and to night, Harry didn't have to think about his ex-lover's engagement, and Y/N had temporarily forgotten about her father's. In that small flat, with their phones turned off, completely disconnected with the world, his arm around her shoulders, her head on his chest, it almost felt like they were the same kids they used to be.

"So you study Creative Writing at university?"

The girl nodded as she tossed a gummy bear into her mouth, looking up to meet his eyes. "But I'm a terrible writer."

"No, you're not."

"Remember those stories I wrote in the pink notebook that I used to read to you?"

"Yeah, yeah, those were the best." Harry shook with laughter. "I personally loved the chapter about us being secret agents, and shooting lasers out of our eyes."

"Nooooo!" Y/N propped herself up to cover Harry's mouth, but he was quick to grab both of her wrists so she couldn't touch him. They were laughing so hard that they almost roll onto the floor.

"Anyway," she trailed off, poking the dimple on his cheek. The girl was practically sitting on his lap now, but they had gotten too comfortable to even care. "My writing had never got better than that."

"Is it supposed to be a bad thing?"

"Yeah." She chuckled. "I'm never gonna write a book that sells."

"I said the same thing about me being an actor, but look where I am now."

Y/N raised a smile, pushing herself up so her face was at the same level as his. In that moment he stared at her lips, and the way they tasted was still etched on his mind. When she whispered to him, her voice was as warm as the color of her eyes, and he nearly melted all at once into the touch of her hands on his heaving chest.

"I'm very proud of you."

"I'm proud of you too, Bambi."

"For what?" Y/N batted her eyelashes, looking surprised.

"For still being you, and not giving up."

It was incredible how fast a moment could change. One second they were dying of laughter and the next, right now, they were just sitting in silence and holding each other's gaze. Having known each other since they were children, but never had they ever got to experience a feeling like this. All of a sudden, everything felt new, and strange, and different, in a good way. Harry parted his lips, about to make a sound, but he forgot what he wanted to say when Y/N pulled away to pick up her phone from the floor.

"Shit!" She shouted at the time and plunged right out of the sofa, running straight into her room. Harry wasn't used to hearing his little Bambi curse, so the man couldn't help but laugh at the word she'd just cried out as he asked her what the problem was.

"I have a date in fifteen minutes!"

That wasn't the answer he had expected. Harry thought he knew mostly everything about her from all of those stories she'd told him from morning till sunset, but somehow she still forgot to mention she had a date that night. He assumed she had forgotten, because she was now frantically running around to find her other shoe.

"Will I get to meet this guy?" He shouted out the question when she was in her bedroom changing her clothes.

"Sure," she shouted back. "You'll like him a lot. He's a very nice guy."

Harry didn't know how nice the mystery man was, but he knew he didn't feel too good about her going on a date. He thought it might have something to do with him knowing her since she was nine, and leaving when she was only fourteen. In his mind, she was still that innocent little girl. It was weird enough to hear her curse, now she was getting ready to go on a date? There was an unsettling feeling inside of him that he couldn't explain.

A moment later, Y/N emerged from her room, wearing a black bodycon dress which was so short that Harry nearly choked on the gummy bears in his mouth. She spun around and asked him how she looked, and he didn't know what she expected as an answer from him.

The dress itself, with a plunging neckline and double crisscross straps at the open back, was bound to turn heads already. Now it was on her grown woman body. Harry felt like a pervert for even looking at her from afar. She was beautiful, of course, she was, but that was the most skin she'd shown since they met again. So a part of him got protective as he asked her if she had a less revealing dress to wear on the first date.

"But I like this one." She laughed as he took a quick glance at her and turned away immediately. "H, what are you doing? Look at me as we speak! I'm not naked."

"But someone could look at you right now and imagine that you are!" Why did he say that? Now she would think he was imagining her without clothes on. And admittedly, he was trying hard not to. He felt so ashamed for even letting that image cross his mind.

"Kid, please tell me you'll wear a coat to cover yourself up."

"I don't own a coat."

"What do you wear in the winter then?" He asked, making her snort. She didn't say anything and just took her purse, telling him to come with her because her date was already waiting outside in his car.

"Wait, wait!"

Harry jumped away from the sofa to grab his coat on the hanger by the door and threw it over her shoulders. Y/N refused to put it on, telling him how ridiculous he was, but then she ended up wearing it anyway. He would probably never have let her walk out without the protection of that coat.

"I'm not fourteen years old anymore," she told him with a smile.

Of course, he knew she wasn't fourteen anymore. That fact had been bothering him since he first saw her in that little black dress.

Harry held the door open for Y/N to walk out on the street. Despite the girl's obvious excitement, he was extremely worried. She looked left and right, then he watched her eyes light up with a smile as she finally spotted the handsome face waiting for her by his black Range Rover. For a second, Harry thought his eyes had fooled him. People could look alike, but as the man finally approached the two of them, Harry was left in shock for the second time that night.

"Isaac?!"

"Harry?"

"You two know each other?" Y/N broadened her eyes, switching them back and forth between the two men whose mouths were both left wide opened.

A part of Harry wanted to wrap her up with his coat and pull her back inside immediately, another part of him wanted to hear the story of how something like that could even happen. Out of all the men in London, did it have to be his best friend?

Wait a minute...The girl Isaac slept with last night...His muse...

"Is this the girl?! Is Y/N the girl?" He raised his voice causing the other two to jump. Y/N didn't understand what he meant, and Isaac was just as lost as she was. It seemed like Harry was the only one out of the three who had an idea what was going on.

"Yes, she was the girl I told you about. Are you two friends?" Isaac raised an eyebrow, but he never received a proper answer.

As soon as Y/N made an attempt to explain her relationship with Harry, he cut her off by telling his best friend, "we need to talk. Now."

#harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles series #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #older!harry #younger!y/n #actor!harry #bestfriend!harry

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rorynne · 5 years ago

Text

Time Lost (Rewrite) Ch 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader

Summary: An accident during a mission sends you back in time to the second world war. There you enlist the help of Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes to find the object that can send her back.

Warnings: This one gets dark. References to genocide, talks about trauma and PTSD It ends on a light note though.

Word count: 3.7k

A/N: This is a rewrite of an OC fic that I have been writing and been wanting to turn into a reader Fic. I’m unsure if I will be continuing the OC fic currently, I may just transfer it completely to my reader Fic. Currently 6 chapters are up of the OC fic, and I shall be posting a rewritten chapter every few days on here.

Masterlist

Prologue Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3

You shivered against the late December wind as you made your way to the edge of the base. You were going to give Phillips so much hell when this was all over. Five days until Christmas, the middle of winter, and you were about to go camping. Camping of all things. You grumbled a bit more at your fate before readjusting the rucksack on your back and continuing.

The men were waiting at the edge of the woods as the instructing agent went over what they were expected to do over the next few days. “If you put your training to good use, you’ll be spending Christmas Eve in a warm bed, with a turkey dinner waiting for you when you wake up.” He said as you entered earshot.

“And if you have particularly good observational skills, It’ll only take about a six-hour ruck march to get there.” You added, hands grasping the straps of your pack as you walked up to the group.

The men groaned at the words ‘ruck march’ and the agent only sighed, “Glad to see you finally join us, Agent L/N.” He said, frustration clear in his voice, “Perhaps it would be prudent to remind you, you are not allowed to help them with navigation.

You rolled your eyes, “Still bitter I beat you at map reading then.” You said walking past him and towards the men, “I’m expressly forbidden from taking any kind of leadership role in this. Phillips wants your training tested, not mine.”

“You’re coming with us then, Agent L/N?” Bucky asked, arms crossed. He always did his best to be professional in front of the other agents at the base, something you could respect. It was a trait that didn't seem to be universal, much to your annoyance.

You nodded, “I’m under strict orders to train and aid the Howling Commandoes until Phillips needs me elsewhere. So here I am.” The men grinned in pride at the group name. They had spent weeks coming up with it.

Steve looked at Bucky and smiled, “We’re always happy to have you around, Ma’am.” Steve nodded to the men, and saluted the agent, “If that's all Sir, I think it’s time I confer with my team and head out.”

The agent saluted in return, “You’ve already got the maps, everything else is up to you.” He said, and turned to leave, though not before adding, “And if you miss it, Happy Christmas.”

Falsworth opened the map they had been supplied with and pointed to the target destination. Dugan helped hold the map open as Falsworth spoke, “The camp itself is about 30 kilometers east of here, the snow will slow us down but as long as we follow a relatively straight path, we should get there in no time.”

Steve pointed to a feature on the map, “A straight path might not be so easy with how rocky it gets around here, getting around the mountains might add a few klicks.” He looked hopefully at you. “Do you know a good route?”

You scoffed, tilting your head and crossing your arms, “I know a great route. But, it requires a 6-hour ruck march and I’m not allowed to tell you, remember? I can help set up camp and shit, I can’t navigate for you. Colonel’s orders.”

Falsworth and Steve sighed as the went back to the map. It wasn't that you didn't want to help, god, you wanted to help just so you didn’t have to sleep on snow. Unfortunately, any help you could give would be far too obvious, and thus, reported to Col. Phillips immediately. And while you had a feeling nothing would be don't, it wasn't something you wanted to risk when your entire goal was to get them to finish training as quickly as possible. The two men nodded to each other before Steve turned to the group, “Alright men, we don't have much sunlight to spare, so let's move out. The more ground we cover today, the better.”

The men sounded their agreement as they all entered the forest. For the most part, the fir trees kept a lot of the snow off the forest floor, making the trek slightly smoother. The mountains, however, did not. They added at least five kilometers to the journey in efforts to avoid the most mountainous areas, and even then, most of the terrain was rocky and icy, not a very fun combination.

They traveled until it was nearly sunset before finally stopping in a small clearing to set up camp. You set your rucksack down as Steve began assigning jobs. "Dernier, I want you to work on getting the fire started. Falsworth, Morita, Dugan, and L/N work on putting up the tents. Jones and Buck, come with me to get firewood." Steve said, setting his own pack down, and the entire team sprung into motion.

"Dum Dum, Jim, you two start clearing away snow for the tents," Falsworth said. "Y/N, help me unpack the supplies."

"Aye aye." You said as you started pulling the tents out of the men's packs. In no time the materials for four pup tents were spread around the campfire Dernier was nursing. You clapped your hands together looking at the piles of canvas and tent stakes. "It's going to be a bitch to drive these stakes into the frozen ground."

Falsworth handed you a hammer, "No worse than Russia, I'm sure."

You scoffed, taking the hammer. "Nothing will ever be worse than camping during the Russian winter." You shivered at the thought of it, that night had been absolute hell. "Let's get to work." You said, picking up a tent support post and ramming it into the ground, hammering it down a few times for good measure. Carefully, you let it go and backed away, cheering when it didn't fall. The second post wasn't so easy, no matter how hard you tried to force it into the ground, it refused to stay upright.

You growled at the stake, honestly wishing you could just snap it in half. Morita grabbed it before you could try to ram it into the ground once more. "Need help?" He asked and you handed over the stake with a huff.

"There's a reason I took the ruck march." You said and puffed out your cheeks.

"Yeah, because you're a masochist." He laughed. "I'll get the post, you grab the cover." He said pointing to the canvas tent cloth. You grabbed the cloth as Morita worked the post into the ground. With the posts finally secured, you spread the canvas over them with a flick of your wrist. You both finished securing the tent to the ground, ending with a result that, hopefully, wouldn't collapse.

"Thanks." You said, nudging him slightly with your elbow.

"No problem." He said. "Wouldnt do any good if one of our tents collapsed right?" You took a deep breath and nodded, looking over the tent again. It was rare for you to rough it in the woods, and usually, you didn't even bother with tents. "Come on, it looks like Jacques has something cooking on the fire."

You sat at the now rather large fire, warming your numbing hands as Dernier boiled cans of food rations in a pot over it. An impressively large pile of firewood sat next to him, no doubt primarily thanks to a specific super-soldier. As if summoning them with a mere thought, Jones, Steve and Bucky emerged from the forest. Bucky and Jones carried two large bundles of branches in their arms, while Steve might as well have been carrying an uprooted tree.

"I don't think we're going to need this much wood boys." You teased them as they dropped the branches into the pile.

"That's what I told them," Jones said sitting down next to Dernier.

"It's going to be cold tonight, the bigger the fire the better." Steve defended as he started to cut into the log with an ax.

Bucky nodded, "you can never be too careful." He sat down next to you, "I'd rather have too much wood than freeze."

"We're going to need someone up to keep it goin'," Dugan said, carefully pulling a can from the boiling water.

Falsworth sipped from a tin cup, "Everyone taking a two-hour fire watch should get us through the night. Perhaps turns going clockwise around the tents?" He traced his finger in a clockwise circle in the air.

"I can take the first watch," Morita said. "I'll wake up who ever's in my tent."

Dugan shifted slightly, brows furrowed, "So how exactly are we deciding who is in a tent with who?" he glanced briefly at you. "Especially considering-"

"If you bring up the fact that I'm a woman I'm actually going to punch you, Dugan," You said flatly, glaring at him.

"He has a point doll, it would be-"

"I swear to god Barnes if you say 'proper'." you threatened, almost growling. "Its hardly going to be the first time I had to sleep next to a man."

Bucky went slightly pink and Falsworth laughed, "You don't exactly have a choice when you're in the middle of Russia in the winter do you?" He said.

"Exactly." You said, "I don't give a damn who I share a tent with, but if protecting my honor or some shit really means that much to you Bucky, feel free. Just know I sleep with a pistol and a knife under my pillow and I'm a very light sleeper."

Bucky flushed three shades deeper and shifted uncomfortably as he cleared his throat, "I wasn't trying to insult your doll, I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it is all."

Your lips curled upwards, it was always cute when you managed to fluster him. When all his charming bravado was stripped away he turned out to be so soft and kind. He meant well, you knew that, so did Dugan, but you had no patience for being singled out based on your gender. Seeing him so embarrassed, however, eased your annoyance slightly. "I think I've proven very well that I can defend myself." You said, "And I've also proven I'm not really one to care about what's proper or not." You stood up, yawning. "You boys can decide who's comfortable bunking with me. I, however, just got done hiking 15 kilometers, so I'm going to bed. Wake me up when it's my turn to keep the fire going." You finished before retiring to a tent.

The fire crackled loudly as you threw another log onto the flames. It had already been three hours since you had woken up and sent Jones to bed, but you couldn't convince yourself to go back to sleep. You weren't entirely sure you wanted to.

The crunch of snow alerted you to someone's approach, but you didn't bother to look to see who it was, instead, focusing on the flames. "You know, I've been meaning to ask," Bucky said, sitting down next to you. "How exactly does a girl like you end up in a place like this? You're too smart to actually want to be here."

You laughed turning the tin cup in your hands with your fingers, "You know, I ask myself that every day." You took a sip from your cup and continued, "The answer, apparently, is by helping a friend."

"Helping a friend," he said. "One hell of a way to help a friend."

"He definitely owes me, that's for damn sure." You smiled slightly, Clint wasn't going to believe any of this when you got back, if you did. "And you're one to talk. Mister 'joins an elite squad for his best friend'."

He chuckled, "Okay, you've got me there." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and matches. "Want one?" he asked, offering the pack to you.

"You know, those things cause cancer." You said, shaking your head.

Bucky looked at you like you had two heads as he put a cigarette between his lips. "Since when?" He asked as he lit it with a match.

"Since always." You said, sipping your drink. "Just wait, the science will come out, I promise."

He hummed, clearly unconvinced, as he took a drag of the cigarette. "We'll have to see then." He said, "What are you drinking?"

"Some dirt I thought it would be a good idea to boil." You deadpanned, looking into your cup. "Actually, on second thought, that's an insult to dirt."

"And you say cigs will give you cancer." He joked as you poured out the last of the coffee in the cup.

"To be fair," You said, setting the cup down, "I'm shocked I'm not dead already. What are you doing up anyway? Can't sleep?"

Bucky squinted at the fire, "I don't think I've had a solid night's sleep since Azzano." He said. "Every time I close my eyes it's like I'm back there, in that little cage, or worse, on that godforsaken torture table." He noticeably shivered at the thought. "It's stupid, I know it isn't real but..." He trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.

"The human mind is intense." You said, poking at the flames, considering adding another log.

"Yeah," He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "That's one way to put it."

"It isn't stupid though." You looked at him, he looked so tired in the glow of the flame, almost fragile even. He was almost always putting on a brave face you realized. But here, maybe due to the cold, or maybe due to exhaustion, he let the facade drop, with only you there to witness it. "You've seen things, experienced things, that most people could never even dream of. War is horrific. There are probably thousands of men dealing with the same things you are. The nightmares, the memories, the fear, and the pain and the guilt. Most of them are too scared to even talk about it, not wanting to be called crazy or weak. It's not stupid at all."

Bucky looked at your, face indecipherable, "You talk about it like you have first-hand experience."

You looked into the fire, unsure of how to answer, or even if you should. You bit your lip and sighed, "I don't work on the front lines like most everyone else. I work so deep behind them that it often feels like I'm on a desolate island with only my worst enemies. I try to work with resistance groups when I can." You swallowed the lump in your throat as it came up. "Usually when I do, it involves doing things to protect Jewish civilians. Falsifying documents, securing safe ways out of the city, even dying their hair blond to make them look more Aryan. Really just about anything to keep them safe.

"That's what I was doing a few months ago in Paris when a woman and her children came into the little hidey-hole that the resistance had set up, begging for help. She wasn't Jewish, but her children were, and she was terrified she would lose them like her husband. We helped the best we could. God, you should have seen her face as she thanked us, a two-year-old in her arms and a five-year-old clinging to her dress." You took a deep breath and wiped tears from your eyes. "I found all three of them dead on the side of a street a week later. The mother still clinging to her baby, a gunshot to all of their heads."

"Jesus." Bucky swore, rubbing his jaw, "Doll I-"

"I'm not telling you this for pity." You said quickly, "I'm telling you this so that you know you aren't alone. I know what it's like to go to sleep and relive every horror you've ever seen. To constantly be alert for another horrific thing to happen. To constantly be wearing a mask just to make it another day without losing your mind. I know what it's like. You aren't alone, you aren't crazy, and you aren't weak. There's only so much trauma the mind can handle at once, and God knows that was only the most recent of the traumas I've seen, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

"It's not stupid Bucky." You looked over at him, a look of surprise on his face as he held his chin in his hand. "It's the least stupid thing in the world. I promise."

You stared at each other in silence for a few beats before you felt your face grow hot and you turned back towards the fire, throwing yet another log onto the flames. Suddenly, you felt extremely silly sharing so much. You tried to ignore the sick feeling in your stomach as the silence dragged on.

"That's the second time you've left me speechless." He said, quietly enough that the popped of the fire almost drowned him out. "Steve was right, you really are something."

The breath caught in your throat as you froze, heart racing. Now it was your turn to be speechless. How on earth two sentences could feel so damn important, you had no idea. Bucky was kind, and good, and strong, but you shouldn't be getting this flustered over what he thought of you. "No," You shook your head as if the action itself were pushing something down deep inside of you. "I'm just me. That's it."

He nodded, "That's exactly my point." You poked at the fire, thanking every deity above that you could blame your red cheeks on the cold. "Not many people would say something like that. It, uh," He rubbed the back of his neck, "It means a lot doll, it really does."

A few more beats of silence passed as you tried to make sense of the situation. "You know," You said, heart pounding as you tried to find a way to change the subject. "I wasn't kidding when I said we could get to the other base in six hours." James Buchannan Barnes was going to be the death of you, and it wasn't going to be the charm that did you in at this point. There were so many reasons not to fall in love with him, but god if your heart didn't want to listen.

He shook his head, accepting the change in subject. "I've been looking at that map all day, there's no way in hell."

"That map doesn't have the road on it."

"The what?"

"The road. There's a road about half an hour's walk from the starting point. They leave it off the maps they hand out so that people don't use the road. Takes you right to the next base camp." You explained, pointing northward. "'Course, normally this is supposed to be a race, so the ruck march makes more sense."

Bucky looked impressed, "How did you find it?"

"The map looked off, different from what I was used to. So I went to investigate." You threw two more logs onto the fire and the flames quickly burst to life. "Ended up finding a road and made it to my destination before sundown. Couldn't walk for two days straight after that, but I got to stay in the training program."

"They were going to kick you out if you didn't walk 30 kilometers in a day?"

You shook your head, "No, like I said, it was a race. The second half of recruits to arrive were dropped from the program and used elsewhere."

"So you walked 30 kilometers in a day," he said it more than asked.

"Yep."

"Doll, you don't get to question if I'm the responsible one if you do things like that." he teased, a genuine smile on his face for the first time all night.

Your jaw dropped in mock offense, "You blew up three pounds of TNT because Steve suggested it!"

"That punk would have done it anyway! you know how many fights I got in because he started them? And he wasn't all muscley back then either." You laughed as the thought and Bucky's smile widened. "I'm serious! He's a menace! Absolutely no sense of self-preservation."

"I believe it." You said, "I just don't believe you have any either."

"Coming from the dame that walked 30 kilometers in six hours instead of camping on the side of the road." He argued, crossing his arms.

"I didn't want to lose!" You said a little louder than you meant to. A distinct snort from Dugan's tent pulled their attention away from the conversation.

Bucky put a finger over his lips and shushed, "We don't want to wake everyone up."

You snorted, "Like you weren't being just as loud as me."

Bucky bit his lip to keep from laughing, "I'm not the one that almost woke Dum Dum up." he said before getting a handful of snow shoved into his face. He stared at you in disbelief as you gave him a smug look. "Really?"

Before you could think to get away, Bucky wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer, and piled two large handfuls of snow onto your head. You gasped at the cold sensations as you tried to wiggle out of his grasp. You stopped when you looked up at him, realizing just how close you were.

Bucky laughed, not seeming to notice the closeness himself. Your heart hammered in your chest, the scent of the pinewood he helped chop still clung to him, mixing with his own scent, you had never been so close to him before. Bucky seemed to notice your stillness and looked down at you, finally realizing the position you both were in.

You had no idea how long you stayed like that, staring at each other in silence before you finally spoke up. "I should probably turn in."

Bucky blinked once or twice before releasing you as if you were on fire. "Yeah. Yeah," he nodded as you stood up. "Don't worry about sending the next person out. I will when I go back to my tent."

You nodded back, "Goodnight." You said and retreated to your tent before he could respond. You couldn't fall in love with a man you knew was likely to die. You couldn't. You buried yourself in your sleeping bag with a huff, thinking about how much colder you were out of his arms.

"You two are quite cute together," Falsworth said, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Shut up."

Taglist (If you want to be added, ask. if you don’t see your name here and you did ask, I probably tagged you in the OC version, or think you have already read up to this point in the OC story. You will still be tagged when theres a true new part) :

@henderwhore4life

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky #bucky x y/n #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #avengers x reader #avengers #avengers fanfiction

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morphituu · 5 years ago

Text

Milagro

Chapter 4: “Manifest”

Ch: 1 - 2 - 3

In uncertainty, he ran his tongue over his clipped tusks, reading each seed packet critically, but this had been the third time he’d done so and he still wasn’t any closer to deciding on one. It wasn’t that he worried about the possible challenges with growing watermelon, it was the damn brands; two of his favorites.

Nick chuffed, shuffling the packets with averted eyes a few times before dropping one into the cart filled with large potted plants Callie had chosen, and placing the other back on the shelf. He looked down- nope, that wouldn’t do. He switched his selection, fighting the impulse to shuffle all over again.

He looked up from his dilemma when Callie turned the corner, a hand on her ever growing stomach and less tension in her shoulders.

“Much better,” she sighed, reaching for the water in the cart.

“At that rate you’re gonna be back in 10 minutes,” he avoided eye contact when he said that, knowing she’d have a placid stare ready for him.

“Or cause your monster baby is sitting on my bladder,” she piped, fiddling with the long, spear like leaves of the plant she’d chosen and delicately tucking in the star like one of the other two she planned to hang from the ceiling beside the sliding glass door.

“Which is why we shouldn’t’ve bought those newborn onesies…” he trailed off, an irked groan coming from her.

“Oh my god here we go again,”

“She’s not gonna fit in them,” Nick argued, firm on this side of the debate they’d had countless times.

“We don’t know how big they will be, so shut it, chato,”

“Keep callin’ me that and I’m gonna stick somethin’ in your mouth.” he said against the shell of her ear, but a quick swipe of her hand pushed his face away before he curled a strong arm around her neck to pull her back in, half-hearted shoves against his chest doing nothing.

Callie only allowed them to complete their purchase until after an associate had guaranteed none of the plants they were buying were harmful to a dog that had an odd obsession with chewing on flowers or greens, even though Nick had assured multiple times he’d Googled it before they even made it to the store.

Walking became a little slower every week that passed, not only because of Callie’s sore back, but for the impressive size of her 17 week belly that had her officially waddling beside him through the parking lot. That also meant when she hoisted herself into the truck now, his hand stayed on her back, ready to catch her if she tumbled. Being so small never posed such a threat.

“To T-Mobile?” he asked as he turned the engine, grinning at her sheepish nod.

“Hopefully it’s just the screen,” she mumbled, looking at the poor state of her shattered phone. “Guess I should invest in one of those Lifeproof cases,”

“Callie proof,” he ribbed, but she couldn’t really disagree with that. Throwing her phone across the room in attempts to simply pull it from her back pocket was an everyday occurrence.

A clustered fluttering stirred in her stomach, and a stifled groan snagged Nick’s attention as she shifted in her seat. “I’m gassy.” she admitted shyly, so he rolled her window down.

↠

Nick eyeballed the shredded, frying tortillas she flipped and stirred, his mouth watering even with lime and tajin coated jicama between his jaws. Just the smell of the blended tomato, onion and garlic was enough to make him groan in anticipation, and he’d even laid the eggs out beside her when the time came to fry them for the chilaquiles.

He popped another piece of jicama in his mouth, wincing at the particularly sour piece.

“Can you start making this everyday?” he inquired over her shoulder, offering her a piece.

“I’m already getting too chubby,” she chewed, pouring the contents of the blender into the pan. Nick’s excitement was evident as he observed, nearly done with his bowl. “I thought my jeans didn’t fit because of my stomach, but I think it’s my ass,”

“I like your big ass,” he kissed her cheek, and she snorted.

“Pervert.”

↠

She could sit and watch this for hours.

Callie never grew tired of watching Nick work on his garden, especially under the sun, shirtless and wearing those old stained and faded jeans he’d had longer than she was around. They hugged those toned thighs deliciously and hung low on his hips, effectively dampening her panties everytime he wore them. Add in a little bit of sweat shining off those chiseled muscles across his back and arms he worked so diligently to build up the past few years, and she had her very own private show from the comfort of their backyard.

Nick liked lap dances, and she loved watching him garden.

She sipped her iced tea, finding herself unbearably thirsty when he stood and walked to the shade of the overhang she laid under, eyes roaming his brawny body up and down as he stuffed his gloves in the pocket of the jeans.

“Should have watermelon in a few months,” he informed, reaching for her cup before sitting by her legs.

“Just in time for summer,” she noted, sliding down her seat when more gas fluttered through her stomach. He hummed as he drank, rubbing her thigh when it stretched across his lap.

“Still feeling dizzy?”

“Only when I stand up too fast,” she soothed, her hand falling to his shoulder when he leaned in towards her stomach.

“Why you harassin’ mama? Huh?” he interrogated playfully, her stomach bumping his nose when she stretched to alleviate more gas that never seemed to actually pass. “I was ready to know what the sex was yesterday,”

“Getting impatient?”

Nick nodded, half a frown curling his mouth. “I wanna meet her already,” he mumbled a little sadly, his palm drawing wide circles over her distended stomach.

“I want her to cook as long as she needs to,” she played along.

Nick grinned. “I’m kind of excited you’ll pop earlier than expected,”

“That’s not a for sure thing,”

His brows perked up, his fingers drumming against her stomach when he said, “Tell that to the little thing 4 weeks ahead of schedule,”

The probe had made multiple passes over the same spot, effectively panicking Callie when the doctors eyes stared unblinking at the monitor, her expression a look into her thoughts she couldn’t decipher.

“Is it alive?” Callie blurted, and Nick grabbed her hand when she tried to sit up.

“Yes- oh goodness, I apologize. Yes it’s alive,” Dr. Sangui assured, pausing to rest a hand on Callie’s thigh. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,”

Callie’s head fell back, hands cupping her head. That engulfed her so rapidly it made her lightheaded. Nick also- his forehead dropped to her shoulder, squeezing her arm in comfort as that momentary torment drained from their system.

“After all the time it took to find you I thought we’d been too late,” Nick exhaled, holding his head in his hands, then holding Callie’s as she slipped her palm into his.

“Oh I understand, it’s hard to find high-risk OBGYN’s that specialize in halflings,” Dr. Sangui sympathized, taking a few shots of the ultrasound. “It’s been about 3 weeks since you’ve seen the doctor that referred you?” she asked, and they both nodded.

“Why the concern?” Callie asked, looking back to the doctor who was still circling in tight swipes over her stomach, her Doctors neat brows curling critically.

Dr. Sangui’s lips curled up in a tender grin. “Your little one looks to be about 4 weeks ahead of schedule,”

The couple studied her words a moment before Callie sat up on her elbows, head tilting before finally saying, “What?”

She turned the monitor, revealing an impressive full body side profile of their baby wiggling in her stomach, and Callie’s restive expression softened before the doctors long, thin finger started pointing to the fuzzy image.

“You can see here- see? Those little hands and fingers? That level of development is normally a milestone at 21 weeks, but the biggest indicator is it’s size. At 17 weeks we’d expect about 5 inches in length, but this little ones already at 9 and around 13 ounces,” she explained, dragging the probe to highlight the little hands they could see curling into fists.

“Does that explain why my back hurts so much?” Callie was distracted when she asked, admiring her lively baby.

“You’ve definitely got a big baby coming your way. At 21 weeks you’d see babies at around 10 ounces,” she reflected out loud, her other fingers tapping thoughtfully against the carob skin of her chin.

“But, it’s okay? Even though it’s growing fast?” Nick asked.

“So far so good. It’s growing closer to the rate of an Orc which is expected since the father is, but I don’t see anything out of the usual even for a halfling. I think an ultrasound next week will solidify my assumption that you’ll have a sooner due date than expected,” she elaborated, helping her sit up. “That being said, this adds a little more caution to be had since you’re already a high risk pregnancy,”

“How’s that?” Nick asked.

“Labor will be something up for discussion,”

“I wanted a natural birth,” Callie reminded.

“Which I’m not against at all, cause, goodness- more power to you, but with halflings, medical intervention may need to be taken. I’ve had many patients who’ve tried delivering vaginally and the baby’s become stuck in the pelvis because of their size. That being said, a woman's body is capable of amazing things, including natural births to large babies,”

Nick cringed a little; imagining a baby that big was… scary, honestly. “So this is… generally normal?” he asked, and she nodded encouragingly.

“Normal Orc gestation is only 7 months. It doesn’t surprise me that the baby is growing faster, I just didn’t expect to be doing a scan on such a developed one when the chart said 17 weeks,” she laughed, her voice harmonic. “But it's a common hiccup in changing doctors. 12 week scans don’t give all that much insight, especially under a nurses scrutiny,”

Callie back tracked, her hand raising. “You said growing closer to the rate of an Orc? I thought they aged slower,”

“Adults age slowly,” she rolled backwards to reach for a laminated chart from the counter, wheeling back before Callie and swiping her coily hair from her cheek before pointing to the illustrations that timelined an Orcs pregnancy. “Orc growth in the womb is rapid if you take into account the shorter pregnancy terms and size at which Orcs are born, but after birth they age relatively close to humans but reach sexual maturity much sooner than humans. 9 or 10 is the normal age for their first heat cycles to start, and the progression of their aging drops dramatically in their early 30’s,”

“You didn’t know that?” Callie poked Nick, but he shook his head.

“I knew pregnancies were quick but I didn’t think it’d equate to you,” he shrugged.

“What about halflings?” Callie turned back to Dr. Sangui.

“Genetic testing after birth can tell us at what percentage they inherited and in turn be able to give us more insight to how they’ll age,”

The couple nodded thoughtfully, taking in all the information they’d been withheld from in their search for a specialist. Neither knew there was such contrasting differences in a crossover pregnancy, but above all, it gave them peace of mind knowing what to expect.

“I always thought I was bigger than I was supposed to be,” Callie mumbled, Nick nodding in agreement. Both of them had noticed that but figured it was just because he’d make big babies. “But everything is okay? It’ll all be okay?” Nick squeezed her thigh reassuringly.

“From what I see, everything is moving beautifully, so I have no reason to be worried about your progression even if you’re ahead of schedule. If you don’t have any further symptoms out of the ordinary, I’d say your body is handling it very well,” her doctor held her hand, reassuring Callie with a gentle smile and honest words. “We’ll start ultrasounds for cervical length next week. We might as well keep them weekly- you know you’re high risk for gestational diabetes or preeclampsia, and we also don’t want the baby to have developed rapidly and your body overfiring and sending you into preterm labor or struggling to catch up if it reaches term sooner,”

“What would happen if any of that happened?”

Her doctor sighed, clasping her hands. “If you went into early labor, there’s medications that would hopefully halt it, but you’d likely be kept in hospital for observation,”

“What if I went into labor tomorrow- I’d have to stay till it’s fully grown?” Callie barked, but she raised her hands calmly.

“Like I said, it all depends on how the pregnancy progresses. Above all the baby decides when it’s done cooking and every halfling is different. So stay calm, drink lots of water and keep exercising. I have no reason thus far to think you wouldn’t go home with a healthy baby and a somewhat decent recovery at the end of a seemingly normal pregnancy,”

Callie’s brows rose unenthusiastically. “Somewhat decent?”

“First time recoveries are always tough. Add in a big baby, it gets tougher,” she explained, lips quirked to the side.

Nick ran his hand over his head, suddenly having multiple things to keep him paranoid at work instead of just one. “So we’re just playing the waiting game?”

“More or less, which in that sense isn’t any different from other pregnancies. You’re doing good, Callie. Everything is normal so far,” Dr. Sangui encouraged, handing off their fresh batch of ultrasound scans.

That eased some of the couples momentary concern, and then Nick’s head perked up. “Does that mean if we wanted we could know the sex?”

Callie’s doctor nodded, one eye closing as she pondered. “You technically could’ve known 3 weeks ago.”

Nick looked to Callie, but she shook her head, turning his hopeful smile into downcast brows and a deep frown.

“Still might decide to cook longer,” she reiterated, smoothing her hand over the back of his head while he placed long smooches against her stomach. Inwardly, she hoped for that. She didn’t know if she could stand seeing their baby in the NICU hooked up to endless wires if her body betrayed her again.

He shrugged. “Either way, as long as it’s healthy,” he turned his head to rest his cheek there, looking up at her. “She’s gonna be so pretty. Just like her mama,”

Callie blew a short raspberry, giggling when he leaned up to press his mouth softly to hers again and again. She held his face, thumbs tracing his handsome cheekbones as he caressed her lips delicately, moaning softly under her delicate touch.

“You tryin’ to be all sweet and stuff?” she whispered against his eager pecks, noticing the shift from tranquil to starved in his amber eyes, the soft scrape of sharp teeth across her lips when he opened his mouth wider to taste her tongue stirring a low moan. Splayed fingers traced to the back of his head, keeping him locked against her.

“Tryin’ to get in your pants is more like it.” he slurred, conjuring seductive giggles when his touch traced upwards along her inner thigh.

↠

“I did! I swear I did,” she laughed, pushing against his bare chest as he looked at her suspiciously.

“And you never said hi?” he teased, earning another attempt at a smack on his chest, but he caught the blow.

“Well you were working so excuse me for being polite, officer,”

“Mhm,” he exhaled, an arm draping under her bare breasts and half his face disappearing beside hers in the lush pillow. “What kinds of calls were these that you stalked me on?”

“Mm,” she pondered thoughtfully, the plump bottom lip she worried between her teeth making Nick lick his own. He wanted to nibble on that lip again. “The one I remember best was at Fifth and Westlake, and the dude had an entire intersection stopped because he was throwing a sword around,” she explained, fingertips tracing the muscle of his forearm. Nick’s interest pulled from her mouth to settle on her sleepy caramels, recalling the start of that strange day years ago.

“You were there for that?” he asked.

She nodded. “I was with my mom next door getting tortillas,”

He adjusted his head. “You saw me arrest him?”

“Mhm. And I remember thinking, damn that ass looks good,” She laughed when he pinched her naked hip, pulling her writhing body closer to his. “And I remember how out of place you looked,”

His brows wrinkled drowsily.

“Like, you wanted to fit in but couldn’t just walk up and join a conversation, not even with the other Orcs around,” she said plainly, turning and stuffing a pillow under her stomach so she could face him and draw the pad of her thumb back and forth across his chin.

Stirring those repressed emotions from lonely days made him shift uncomfortably.

“That was the only time you saw me?” he asked.

“A few other times here and there, the occasional YouTube video. Not constantly until you started coming into the store though. Otherwise you never would’ve noticed me,” she smiled.

“Oh I noticed you. If we would’ve bumped into each other during work I probably woulda been fired trying to track you down,” he chuckled.

“What if you would’ve been cuffing me when we met?”

“Woulda fucked you in the back seat,” he sneered, blocking her hands when she swatted at his face playfully. “Look at us now,” he added lovingly, tracing the curve of her side down to her hip, squeezing as her knee slid up his bare thigh.

“You fit in the world now,” she said softly. Her caresses had already been beckoning him towards her, electrifying his body that’d seemingly just been spent minutes before.

“Only cause I found you in it. I couldn’t have kept going without you,”

“No, you got up everyday and did it. You started it and you’re finishing- I’m just here to cheer you on,” she insisted, and he found himself drowning in the sincerity of her balmy caramel eyes as he kissed her, sitting up on an elbow to lean over her deliciously writhing body.

“Still,” he argued, dragging his fingertips from her knee down her inner thigh as they spread, smirking at the soft shake of her whimper. “Everything was because of you.”

↠

He stood after he finished pulling his Nikes on, returning to their room where she was still sprawled naked across the bed, pillows stuffed around her stomach and limbs with hair fanned around her head like wild vines.

He peppered kisses across her face until she stirred, her hands finding him.

“I’m leaving,” Nick finally placed a soft kiss on her lips.

“Be safe,” she mumbled sleepily, her cheek squished when he gave her another hard one. “I love you,”

“Love you.” He stood straight with a groan, leaving her to melt back into the blankets and pillows as he headed for the front door with his bag in hand. Pucca was given a few messy face rubs when she stretched upwards onto his stomach at the door, and sweetly instructed her to watch over mama while he was away.

At the precinct, he always parked farther from everyone else. A far corner where no one else preferred to leave their vehicles because of the distance to walk, but after years of people opening their car doors into his and riddling his truck with dents and scratches, he now carried the habit with him everywhere he went unless Callie was tagging along.

He made idle conversation with a few friendly officers at the front desk who asked how Callie was doing, one of the men who was an impressive father of 6 daughters offering that if he should have a girl, he could have the mountains of hand-me-downs he and his wife didn’t know what to do with. Nick considered it, and would most likely take him up on the offer. He couldn’t be convinced otherwise that they weren’t having a girl at that point.

Walking into the lockers, he found Sergey, already clad in uniform and tying his boots. His nose scrunched when Nick walked by.

“You did not shower afterwards?” the young Orc griped.

“Says the one who came in for a week smelling like a closed room after an orgy,” Nick retorted snootily, rousing a loud chuff from Sergey, but Nick threw one right back at him alongside a cocky grin.

“Could y’all stop flirting please.” A sour officer commented as he walked by them, smirking to himself.

But the Orcs had the last laugh when they both chuffed loudly in unison, startling the paler man who turned to glare at their toothy sneers.

↠

“No listen,” Nick interrupted, holding up his green tea smoothie. “People that go for Chivas are always fucking hot heads,”

“The hell you say!” Sergey defended heatedly.

“Case in point,” Nick noted, slurping the drink as he sat deeper in the seat, the two waiting for someone to whip around the corner of the street frequented by speeders.

“Oh shut the fuck up, how does Callie put up with your bullshit?” Sergey lamented, staring at Nick critically.

“Cause we like the same team,”

“Which is?”

An arrogant smirk was his answer, but it took Sergey a moment to decipher the expression, and it was a long eye roll when it finally clicked.

“You are not for América,”

“Got an official jersey at home,” Nick boasted, his smug smile from ear to ear. “My baby’s gonna have a little one just like her daddy,”

“You’re a fucking disgrace,” Sergey took a hearty bite of his chicken wrap. “It’s not too late to convert, you know,”

“Callie’s father would murder me if I came over wearing an opposing team's shirt.”

↠

Their nightshift consisted of a few speeding tickets and nothing more by the time their clock ran out, and they were sat back in the locker rooms, changing from their finely ironed attire. Nick always enjoyed taking the vest off; even upon requesting the next size up when more muscle bulked his form, his dimensions didn’t work well with the constricting material.

“Take it easy, old man.” Sergey patted his shoulder after he’d finished changing, but Nick only chuckled, finishing pulling off his boots.

Your mom wants us there by 11 on sunday, read the message from Callie, pinhead sized sprinkles falling onto the screen of his phone once outside. Nick dug in his bag for his beanie, slipping it over his head before replying.

Wear sweats so you can pig out then. my dad's gonna expect your salsas too

He shoved his hand into the pocket of his shorts, pressing the unlock button on his car keys, but his truck didn’t chirp when he did so.

Nick stopped once he looked up from his phone.

The drivers side door was thrown open, the hood popped, and anything inside had been thrown about. Papers, wires, anything that could fit into a compartment was tossed into seats or on the floor, and upon stepping closer, the car seat had also been knocked off its base and was on its side.

Nick spun, wide eyes glaring over the parking lot, anywhere a head could’ve been secretly watching him.

Cautiously he approached the truck, leaning to look in the just under the driver's seat. The aluminum bat was still there. Cold flashbacks of being attacked just outside his truck quickened his heart, his hands fisting and ready to swing this time around.

He leaned farther in- he stopped, stepping back.

His nostrils flared, second guessing his own ability to identify scents he’d picked up years ago. But this one… it was so distinct. It made his stomach roil uneasily like the first time when he inhaled it all those years ago when he’d draped a heavy blanket over her shoulders, trying to make sense of her jumbling words.

Hesitantly, he craned forward, taking deliberate breaths.

Sickly sweet that coated his tongue like syrup.

It was Tikka.

More spins, frantically looking, and waiting for her to pop out and stare at him with those lightning blue eyes, but all was quiet in the parking lot besides the thunder of his heart in his ears.

All the times he’d convinced himself she would never come back- the years and weeks proving that were thrown aside, and he was left standing there in orbiting disbelief, and panic slowly creeping its way into his chest.

His hands were unsteady when he texted Callie that someone had broken into the truck, but even in his distressed state, he absolutely dreaded making the phone call to Kandomere.

↠

Side to side he swayed, face hidden in his palms, it being the only thing that was harnessing his irritation. The varying size of the raindrops pelting against him was one thing, but this being the 3rd time he’d gone over every miniscule detail with Kandomere leading up to this incident was close to sending him over the edge, ready to say fuck it and take the truck before his team was done dusting for fingertips and observing for any small evidence.

“And you found it in disarray?” Kandomere asked again, flipping the small booklet he’d sketched Nick’s statement into.

“Yes, like the first 30 times I told you,” Nick grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“How’re you so sure it’s her?”

“If you’re going to grill me about the certainty of my sense of smell…” Nick started, but Kandomere’s raised hand stopped him.

“I’m not, but could you have mistaken it?”

“Not unless by some coincidence someone smells exactly like her, no,” he near hollered, uncaring of the other elves that looked on at Nick’s impatience with disgust. Nick only had loud growls for them, lips pulled back to bare his pointed teeth.

“Concentrate,” the blue haired elf snapped his fingers, barely fazing Nick. “What else could you have missed? Anything that could’ve been any kind of indication she was nearby?”

Nick’s eyes fluttered as he inhaled; he was seconds away from exploding. “Nothing,”

“Is that certain? Or were you too busy staring off into nothing to bother keeping an alert eye open?” Kandomere asked bitterly, equally annoyed.

“If I wasn’t working today I was balls deep in my girlfriend, and I definitely didn’t see any familiar faces in our bedroom,” Nick snapped back. That silenced the elf, but to what level of discomfort his words caused he couldn’t tell. Enough for him to close his notebook and stuff it into the inner pocket of his pinstripe suit, turning to watch the team continue their inspection.

Nick glanced at him, stood fixed like marble, and couldn’t help but feel a little pleased with himself. Were raunchy outbursts like that what got him to shut up?

It stirred curiosity; a few times Nick and Daryl had pondered over Kandomere’s personal life, but had ultimately agreed that there was no way anyone could put up with his cold exterior, just as they were certain no one could meet up to the high expectations they assumed he had. At the mention of Nick’s sex life, it seemed to make him further reserved.

“Shield of Light has gone dark,”

Nick’s head snapped in his direction. “Dark? Like-”

“They’ve disappeared. Headquarters, outposts, recruiters- they’ve all been wiped off the face of the Earth,” Kandomere explained, his sunken eyes tireder than most days. “We can’t find any trace they’ve even existed except for a few bodies that have been scattered across LA,”

That sent an alarming chill down the back of Nick’s neck and through his spine.

“She’s bringing something with her. I need your full cooperation,” Kandomere stated, but not harshly like he’d had the habit of doing before. There was an air of desperation in his voice, and it got Nick wondering. If they reported to him, who did Kandomere report to? What kind of repercussions did he face when results weren’t yielded?

“You act like we haven’t cooperated in the past,” Nick mumbled, still sour.

Kandomere nodded, more in the swaying motion of his shoulders before he started turning. “More or less.”

And he moved away, passing words between the head of the team that was finishing with his truck after a couple hours of intensive inspections.

They left it with all the doors open, and almost messier than when he’d found it. Scraps of red tape and sterile utensils were discarded inside the truck, fingerprint powder dusted all over the place. The car seat was completely flipped and covered in it.

Nick huffed, pulling it out and using the sleeve of his jacket to wipe it down.

He did so bitterly, but when adjusting the small straps, his fingers were gentle as he centered it, and placed it back in it’s base still buckled into the seat. Papers and cords were wound and stacked, placed back in their appropriate compartments, his battery hooked up once again, and thankfully his truck roared to life with only a few sputters. He didn’t want to be stuck here anymore.

↠

Pucca barked and jumped excitedly behind the door, knocking Nick loose of his immersive thoughts enough to notice the kitchen light was still on. Once in and pushed past his bulldozer of a pitbull jumping almost as high as him, he found Callie leaned against the counter, chewing a banana.

Immediately, his world stopped spinning as madly, and he could focus on the beauty before him, cloaked in one of his long sleeve thermals that wasn’t loose enough to conceal that impressive belly that held their baby.

Exhaustion flooded him, and he could let go of the breath he’d unknowingly been holding.

“You’re still up?” he asked, setting his belongings down.

“I was worried about you. And I got the munchies,” she said with a cheekful, kissing him after he dragged his feet to her and hung against her loosely. She encircled his broad shoulders when he hid his face against her neck, groaning loudly at the soothing sensation of her hand massaging away the last of his qualms.

“How’s the truck?” she asked, taking another bite behind his head.

“Nothing was taken,”

“Nothing to take,”

“Except that $400 car seat,” he mumbled.

“Must’ve been after electronics then,” she decided, placing her peel down to better hold her clearly agitated companion who was boneless against her, yet felt the slightest of tension in his frame, like he couldn’t fully relax. “Did you have a bad day?”

He nodded, lying. At what point he would tell Callie about what was happening he wasn’t sure, but that night didn’t seem like the right time when so much was still up in the air. If he fessed up, he’d have the same amount of answers for her that Kandomere had. A whole lot of nothing.

“I have something that’ll make you feel better,” she grinned, and reluctantly peeled himself from her when she pushed back on his shoulders.

Up came the shirt, stuffed under her bust, and a short pause before she grabbed his hand and rested his fingers flat on the left underside of her belly. He rocked onto one leg when another pause came, but then his eyes shot to hers, meeting her wide grin.

“Is that…?” he asked, his other hand joining.

“I thought I was feeling gas all day but they’re little kicks,” she smiled, pulling his hand beside her belly button to follow the soft tapping below his touch.

He watched, waiting to see if he could catch the visual of the little thumps he felt drumming under his contact, but after he followed the baby’s small steps a full orbit around her stomach, he figured it wasn’t yet big enough to make such an impact. Either way, it left him breathless, and in complete awe. It had always amazed him how far along Callie had come in her pregnancy, but feeling the tiny life prove its existence was overwhelming, and beautiful.

“What’s it feel like?” he asked, his earlier grievances lightyears away.

She thought about that for a moment; such a tricky thing to explain. “Sometimes like gas bubbles, but you know when you’re on a roller coaster and your stomach flips during a drop? That’s kind of what these ones feel like,” she explained as best she could.

“How’d you figure it out?” More kicks, and he could almost cry.

“Gas eventually comes out,” she chuckled, and he did in return. He took his wide hands to lay flat over her belly, admiring the swirls beneath his touch.

“Active little thing,”

“Tell me about it. Got a feeling I’m not gonna be getting too much sleep anymore,” she drawled, and he chuckled sympathetically, pulling her in for a warm hung, his face buried close to her neck.

“I guess I’m obligated to give you more back rubs then.” he admitted, and she agreed wholeheartedly, rubbing his back as he caressed her entirely, astounded by the miracle she was growing, and already loving so extraordinarily. It brought everything into a more manageable perspective, too, somehow. As he held her, he understood then that he’d deal with Kandomere, and any grueling process to make sure no harm would befall Callie or their baby. If he could keep this bottled, there’d be no overflow.

He stepped back to hold her belly again as their small miracle danced beneath his palms.

↠

The worn, battered laptop barely functioned enough to carry on the task of scrambling the lockscreens of the stolen phones, and it took some hard slaps against its surface to even get the program running as the fan spun loudly inside. Most of these phones had been put through the ringer already, many having cracked screens and slow startups, but he’d still carry out the task at hand until something decided to crap out on him.

He didn’t turn his impressive head of platinum curls when heels approached behind him, instead asking in his lurid voice, “How’d it go?”

A black heel stepped mercilessly on one of the phones, ending it’s ability to assist them any further.

His lips pulled into a straight line as he calmly detached it and tossed it into the pile of other broken, useless phones.

“Not good then?” he added, and Tikka opened her bag to drop another handful of phones and a laptop beside him with no regard to their well being.

“Waste of time,” she remarked vehemently, clopping to an adjacent wall to slide down, her fingers sliding into her long locks that were knotted and tousled around her shoulders. She couldn’t stand to look at the state of her dirty hands, or equally messy clothing, and instead closed her eyes to try and search for any moment of peace she could hold onto.

“I told you,” he intoned, and was met by lightning blue eyes glaring him down.

“I assumed they’d still be friends,” she argued, crossing her ankles. Everything on her felt heavy, and dirty. Like she’d become a giant scab.

“You can be friends and not keep extensive information about one another,”

“Fero,” she sighed his name, rubbing her palms over her eyes.

“I’m just saying-”

“You’ve said enough!” she snapped, dazzling fangs flashing. “I don’t want to involve Jakoby anymore than we have to,”

His already curved brow arched upwards. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

Her head hit the wall behind her, letting go of a long breath as she said, “He had a baby carrier in his car,”

Fero sucked in air between his equally sharp teeth, his luminescent eyes squinting. “Yikes. Doesn’t the Bright have a daughter?”

She nodded with her face in her hands. “He’s our only choice now. Without him, this whole journey is pointless,”

“If he doesn’t agree then this is all pointless, you mean,” he simpered, but she didn’t look up. Her head remained hung, picking grime from beneath her nails and the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Fero looked over her, sympathy stirring in his heart at the sight of his emotionally and mentally wounded lover. He left the laptop to finish its task, scooting before Tikka and drawing her hands into his to place sweet kisses across her knuckles. She watched him, unmoving, unable.

“Why don’t we go into hiding with them?” he asked, again, for the hundredth time. Her eyes rolled back with her head, groaning tiredly. “Why does it have to be us? You say you don’t blame the others for scattering so why don’t we, Tikka? Why should we have left our lives in Brazil for this blind mission?”

“Because I knew from the beginning there was darkness in Makhel’s heart and I remained silent. It’s my fault so many have died,” she spoke sadly, unable to meet his eyes.

“It’s not-”

“It is,” she looked up, bringing forth the slightest of her relentlessness. “I thought we would see miracles from this new worlds first Orc Bright but we’ve only seen genocide. I taught him everything he knows. I have to finish this,”

Fero only nodded slowly, dropping his head to her hands cupped in his. Her forehead dropped to his curly locks, the both of them tired, and hungry, and dirty, and scared. Again her eyes closed, searching for the smallest amount of rest she could wrap herself in, but his eyes were trained to the years old leather bag stuffed into the corner of the ratty motel they seeked shelter in, a low hum emitting from it.

“When we return home, I never want to see a wand again,” he mumbled, and she tittered.

“I never want to leave home again after this.”

Tikka didn’t know how well she masked her dread in that statement, but when he nodded in agreeance, she assumed he didn’t catch onto the impending doom she knew was lurking over them. After this- all the battles she’d waged and the ones coming for them in the night, she knew there’d be no returning home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

don't @ my Chivas 😎

OOOOOOOO trouble is stirring in LA again!! slice of life nick and callie are fun to conjure up and write. thanks for reading! i always appreciate feedback 🖤

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stateofgrace-acoustic · 5 years ago

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lover - first song ranking & thoughts

first of all i just need to say i legitimately don’t feel ‘meh’ about a single song on this album. on any other album. i always had one or two songs i was just kind of ‘take it or leave it’ about. but Lover really did that - they’re all amazing and wonderful. but here’s an attempt at an order of how much i love them!

18. it’s nice to have a friend

this really reminds me of you are in love in the way it recounts all the small gestures and steps involved in becoming close to somebody. it’s really cute and at the perfect space on the album, leading to daylight. not a mindblowing song or anything, but the vibe fits onto lover really well. i’m glad that it’s here

17. you need to calm down

yeah, i cooled down on this one a little bit. it’s fun and the message is important, but me! is the better single tbh. still though, the feeling of empowerment this gives me over my nonexistent online haters is wonderful. and i love the attitude of the song of just looking at the assholes who live their entire lives putting energy into hating people and just being like....why are you like this. it’s pathetic. calm the hell down. so needed in our current debate culture

16. me!

a real grower! taylor and brendon urie have such good chemistry, tbh that’s really the backbone of the song. it’s just a really nice carefree spring/summertime self love song, a perfect soundtrack for when you feel happy and content with yourself.

15. the man

just dropping the complete truth on us with this one. i’ve wanted taylor to make this song for years (and i know she said she’s been wanting to but just never found the right words!) the bridge really elevates this too. and it’s sad how relatable the entire song is in literally every aspect of professional (and personal) life for women. i don’t think it’s quite as strong as it could have been, but still really solid

14. i think he knows

this is like the fun version of dress. that’s all i got to say. just as explicit, but this time around it’s super cheeky and i love it. also goals of self confidence if i’ve ever seen them

13. paper rings

the joyful energy this has!! just makes you smile and want to dance immediately, a wonderful wholesome happy bop

12. false god

listen.....this is special. i absolutely think this is the most experimental song on the album, both in terms of the music (is that a saxophone in the bg?? it’s almost got a jazzy vibe? completely uncomparable to anything she’s ever done and still so distinctly Taylor), but also with the lyrics, where she goes into the love = religion theme which honestly....as a Florence + the Machine and Hozier fan, i don’t even need to go into how much of a vibe that is. I couldn’t have imagined it working so well for Taylor though, but honestly, this song feels perfectly brooding, summertimey, melancholy, - it’s almost like taking the darker underside of Cruel Summer and exploring it in depth! this is very much a song i need to be in a Specific Mood to really appreciate, but it’s damn well made

11. afterglow

i love the maturity of this. not just the apologizing for picking a fight, but explaining how it came to be - at the end, from a place deep seated anxiety. ‘it’s all me, in my head’ (those high notes are beautiful) you can really feel how sorry she is. at the same time, the song sounds like something bigger, like an anthem - almost like that place high above that she’s trying to elevate them to.

10. i forgot that you existed

SO MUCH FUN i keep repeating that but that’s just the mood of this album tbh, playful and mature at the same time. this song is just like, when you’re over someone but you just can’t help yourself and have to throw shade one last time before moving on. i love the bouncy beat!!

9. lover

this song is literally the feeling of ‘home’ in music. so cozy, comfortable, blissful. dreamy. perfect title track. also completely timeless - i think this is one of those songs that we will look back on in years as a classic in her catalogue, a song you will always want to play again

8. the archer

this was my definite favorite of the pre released songs. anxiety, doubts, the way they all just keep coming back and eating at you, it’s described so perfectly and painfully. and the production really makes it sound like you’re in a separate space from reality, just stuck in your head trying to find a way forward, to soothe yourself. the ‘they see right through me / i see right through me’ transition in the bridge is fantastic and keeps giving me chills. so much personal connection to this one

7. soon you’ll get better

feels weird to even rank this but......just wow. the harmonies with the dixie chicks are so beautiful, and the way the lyrics talk about the feeling between denial and desperate hope, the transition from “because you have to” to “because I have to” - I have to cling to this hope, or i won’t make i - it completely broke my heart. and the fact that Taylor can conjure all these complex emotions with just a guitar and a few words is incredible. i’m so so sorry for them and i wish all the best for Andrea with my entire heart.

6. london boy

i already see people underappreciating this, what is going on??? there are multiple cute bouncy joyful songs on this album but this is my favorite because it’s just got a fantastic flow and melody, and i love all of the references to places and dialect specific words and it’s just so wholesome?? but what really makes this is (once again) the bridge. stick with ME im your QUEEN like a tennessEE stella mccartNEY, just the energy!! the fun!! excuse me while i listen to this every day for the rest of my life

5. miss americana & the heartbreak prince

okay, taylor’s brain in this one. i made a post talking about how this song has three layers - at first there’s the high school setting, then it references the ‘cancelling’ of Taylor’s public persona, but then it can also be seen as a comment on US politics and the whole climate of society right now. and it’s all tied together perfectly because high school is the perfect metaphor for this!! she’s basically saying we’re all behaving like immature school children, bullying each other for the stupidest reasons, mob mentality, stupid contests, fabricated stories made up to tear people down, and the feeling of loneliness but also fear and horror that comes with all that for the people who are the victims of it.....it’s literally all like high school in the worst way. i just love this concept, and the melody and production give me a little bit of a reputation vibe almost? which is perfect for the song, the dark dramatic vibe shows the feeling of fear most of all and that’s just....too real.

4. death by a thousand cuts

........listen, i surely didn’t think that Taylor would write one of her best breakup songs in the year of our lord 2019, but here we are. it’s once again, the small moments she recounts. taking the long way home. the uncertainty if it will ever be fine again. and the bridge/second verse / whatever that part is but that entire part. ‘paper cuts from my paper thin plans’, excuse me. the fact that she wrote this about a movie where a couple breaks up after years really shows tbh, because it’s especially that kind of....not being able to find a part of yourself that isn’t influenced by the other person, that’s so horrible and makes moving on so painful. i also love the production which makes this sound so uptempo, contrasting the lyrics! idk the entire song just clicks into place for me

3. daylight

this is like a summary of the entire album (and with the reference to the past and especially red, it’s even connecting her entire discography together). it’s like the clean of this album, except this time around it feels more complex - all the subtle references to past mistakes, ghosts, that might not be so easy to wash away. i’ve already mentioned that i love about the album (and this song especially) how it doesn’t gloss over negative experiences but addresses them directly, like looking them in the eye and then saying ‘you don’t have the power to define me’. that’s what this song feels like - it’s not unabashedly celebratory, it’s actually quite melancholic, but also full of real healing, a feeling of peace and reconciliation. and the ‘i once believed love would be black and white / burning red, but it’s golden’.....excuse me.....how dare she

2. cornelia street

god, what a magical song. the kind of episodic buildup that Taylor excels at. the vibrancy of the production matching the vibrancy of the relationship as it develops, revolving around this one place in its multiple stages, and then the repeated, deep seated fear of losing all that. it’s just. ugh. what can i even say. and so so catchy. the “listen..” killed me. just like delicate, the vibe between fear and being drunk on happiness is so so well done.

1. cruel summer

oh yes. and here we have an absolute perfection of a pop song. incredible catchiness. smart, clever lyrics but also that underlying vibe of sadness and anxiety. seriously, the complexity this has?? and then that soaring bridge, the chaotic but beautiful but painful reality of all of it coming together. ‘i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’ idk this song just transcends everything for me friends. it’s like the vibe of out of the woods or maybe even style but the lyrics are even more sharp, they cut a little deeper, literally ‘summer’s a knife’. this is a song she only could’ve written influenced by reputation: there’s happiness but there’s that edge in it too. idk if anything i’m saying makes sense. i love this song so so so much.

#lover #taylor swift #vanessa talks #lowkey an album review lmao

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paperclipninja · 5 years ago

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Younger post-ep ramble 6x02

You know how sometimes an episode of television feels like really good value? This week’s Younger episode, “Flushed with Love” felt like that to me. There was a LOT going on but it felt like it flowed really well, there was clear set up for the season and I gotta say, the first 7 mins of this ep gave me so many laughs, the writing was on point from the get go. The 23 min (though hello extra 2 mins, I see you) format is tricky at this stage of a series, especially one that has developed characters and relationships the way Younger has, because in order to keep the story moving forward attention needs to be paid to all those elements that have been established. So it will be interesting to see the pacing for the rest of the season, this ep was fast paced but didn’t feel too rushed, though I do hope that every now and then we get to sit in scenes of the upcoming episodes a little longer.

I love a morning in the loft with Liza and Maggie opening scene, there’s something so comforting about it and this ep served us up a good ‘un. Maggie paying out Liza’s outfit (she’s not wrong though), talking about her hook up with Clare’s mum as missionary work (first actual lol) and Maggie’s spidey senses tingling about Clare and her trustworthiness (though Liza is back in the Clare camp for now). It was brief, yet a nice reminder that these two roomies really have a relationship unlike any other on this show (I heart it very hard).

We waste no time getting to Aunt Liza’s first call of duty and that is, of course, baby goods shopping with Josh. This scene was utterly delightful and again, actual lols to be had. One of the many things I love about Younger is that it can venture into the silly or absurd to suit any given situation or character and even when it’s wrapped around something realistic and serious, it just works. This is one of my favourite scenes between Josh and Liza in recent memory, I felt like I saw what their friendship could/would look like (when someone finally puts this limping triangle out of its misery). I cackled at Josh’s, ‘I don’t understand why it comes out before it’s completely assembled’ and seeing him chug that gripe water after dry retching about the umbilical cord stump was pure slapsticky goodness. Of course it would not be a Liza/Josh scene without the reminder of Josh’s heart eyes for Liza, which featured in his lingering gaze as Liza advised against getting mobile as it gets in the way when you lean in for a kiss.

You know what I have heart eyes for? The 4 mins of this episode that starts at Lexington research centre and ends with Quinn asking Kelsey, ‘ARE YOU CRYING?’. The whole sequence is comedic gold. Seeing Diana, Kelsey and Liza sitting at the table together made my heart so happy, but not as happy as Diana taking Kelsey’s ‘since I’m the publisher’ from the start of the scene and using it to wish her luck telling Quinn her book sucks at the end. D. Trout is here to support you Big K but not put up with your ‘tude. This is also the first scene where we begin to see the experience vs. youth idea surface, as Diana tells Kelsey and Liza that it’s nice they think they have a choice about debuting with Quinn’s book. While Kelsey’s inexperience is easy enough to spot, Liza’s ‘I think this is so smart’ comment, just as the focus group feedback starts to roll, is the first reminder that Liza may be a fine editor with great ideas and her life experience sets her in good stead a lot of the time, but she is pretty much as green as they come in the business world. The Claw reader response reel, sweet lawd, I have watched this so many times and LAUGHED (yes, capital letters laughed) because the selection of responses, working their way to Suzzane’s shingles flaring up and Vicky begging to unread the book, are just too funny for words (”strong reactions”).

Thankfully we don’t have to wait long for Kelsey to deliver the news to Quinn because the nightmare continues over lunch aka. hilarity ensues. In case we needed some more convincing that Quinn does what Quinn wants, she immediately railroads the conversation by giving Kelsey and Liza gold business cards holders (that ‘poor Charles’ comment re: a quick exit, this woman just cannot help herself, Claw could not be a more apropos book title *meow*). Seeing Kelsey trying to find her feet in her new role is really interesting in this ep and the contrast between the first meeting and the later one when she makes Quinn sign a napkin contract to leave if the book bombs (boss move on Kelsey’s part, I rate that whole exchange a lot higher than Maggie’s current Uber rating...you’re welcome), demonstrates that Kelsey has the capacity to be a great publisher, but obvs there will be loads of DRAH-MAH to get there this season. But I tell you, if that drama includes being forced to chant in a restaurant full of strangers with a billionaire who may or may not have peaked in high school (Liza’s ‘what is happening’, the birth of ‘Big K’, Quinn sort of shrieking ‘are you crying?’, I just cannot with it all) then I am HERE FOR IT. I love the whole ridiculous scenario so much and once again, it’s flat out absurd but it somehow works and I’m 100% looking forward to Quinn’s next hit, coming this season: Fifty Shades of Cray.

Kelsey’s insecurity kicks into overdrive straight after lunch and this is undoubtedly going to be a recurring theme, as evidenced in the later exchange between Kelsey and Liza when Liza passes on the advice Charles offered in relation to publishing Claw as the first Millennial title under the new regime. Kelsey chastising Liza for discussing the book with Charles was the first sign that the pressure is getting to her and the immediate accusation that Liza was running her ideas past Charles (as opposed to just talking about her day, you know, as you do with someone you’re in a relationship with) mirrored Kelsey’s reaction to finding out Liza and Charles were together in season 5, when she leapt to the conclusion that Liza was trying to undermine her decision not to publish the Krieger book.

Kelsey assuming the worst of Liza is something I really struggle with, especially considering Liza has proven time and time again that she has Kelsey’s back. I am still scratching my head at how the whole exchange resulted in Liza feeling the need to give a peace offering to Kelsey at the gender reveal party later, but I will park that for now. Ultimately, I felt sorry for Kelsey as we saw her presume that Liza thinks she’s out of her depth and misconstrue Liza saying she wasn’t strong enough with Quinn regarding the edits to mean that Liza doesn’t think Kelsey is strong enough herself. There has to be a point when Kelsey realises that Liza and co. all want her to succeed and turns to them for the support each can offer (at least I hope there comes a point) so it will certainly be interesting to see that play out.

Even at the fancy clothes event (this is what I have been referring to it as since seeing everyone dressed up in promos etc so I’ll stick with it) Kelsey is feeling like she does not belong (can we just talk about Kelsey’s portrait wedged in between all the unremarkable white-haired white men on the event poster? I want to print that whole display as postcards to send to people for no reason). Zane’s, ‘You’re standing in front of a bar, you’ve never belonged anywhere more in your life’, was both accurate and also a sweet attempt to reassure Kelsey. I’m finding Kelsey’s willingness to show vulnerability to Zane this season quite a contrast to their previous dynamic; last episode she was talking about finding her job harder than expected and this week, she reveals her struggle with impostor syndrome. I’m neither offended or excited by the Zelsey situation so that will be what it is and for those who are into it, I feel like there might be some great moments coming up in that relationship now that they appear to be on again *shrug emoji* Are they? Not sure. I am curious to see whether their relationship allows Kelsey to continue to open up more and give the audience a glimpse into her struggles and fears and I feel like I say this a lot, but I would like to get to continue to get to know Zane.

It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge that my excitement for Liza and Charles being dressed up and out together as an actual couple was through the roof going into this episode. Their entrance, with Charles’ smitten gaze firmly on Liza, followed quickly by the effortless literary exchange that reveals Liza is feeling a little out of her depth at such an event herself = le sigh. What I did not expect though was a) how much I was going love Lauren in this scene, I mean I really do love every time she is on my screen, but her conversation with Diana and Enzo, I could just transcribe it word for word (or you should just watch it again) because the whole thing, including Enzo’s delight and Diana’s horror (just a modern-day Juliet but with poop in her ear), was glorious; and b) Charles telling Liza that she’s taking bullets meant for him and he needs to fix it and the entire apology to Diana that followed. Zane and Charles’ little nods and Charles’ obvious diversion from Liza asking what that was about is duly noted, clearly the mystery around the newest Millennial/40-something team abounds and will no doubt come to a head soon.

So it may have been a convenient distraction, but Charles cutting through the awkwardness to tell Diana they both know he owes her an apology, only for her to lay it all out as only Diana could, encapsulated the dynamic we’ve seen for the past five season between these two characters perfectly. Even though it’s only been two episodes, I miss their incidental interactions in the office, even if they’re often only fleeting. Obviously I blacked out momentarily when Charles told Diana that he can’t apologise for falling in love with Liza, but I thankfully regained consciousness in time to hear Diana twist Charles’ words and be happy to leave it as her hearing that she would be running Millennial had it been up to Charles.

I love that Liza continues to confront Charles and challenge him if she disagrees with him and hearing that Charles’ belief in Kelsey is genuine was lovely and I am so pleased that he has been confirmed as an ally and backer of hers. The reality is, we knew that Empirical was in financial trouble last season, Charles was open about that, but his advice around how to handle Quinn’s book was sound, I love that he also acknowledged that maybe Kelsey’s plan will work and I feel like the ‘experience means something’ idea may resurface in a surprising way down the track. Liza’s cogs were clearly turning and the challenge for her is going to be whether she is strong enough to call Kelsey out or stand up to her at times.

I am glad to see Charles respect that Liza is in a difficult position and his understanding when she asked that they not discuss Millennial was admirable. I adore how dry Charles is when he and Liza are alone, his humour in the way he talks about branching out to other cuisines and of course, the fabulous dead pan agreement that he will not tell Liza about the movie other than a few tidbits and ‘that’s all you get’ *swoon*. Cue Liza once again being unabashedly suggestive and helping herself to dessert. I really appreciate that Younger shows the way characters are different in these private romantic relationships, it’s realistic and reflects the way we show different sides of ourselves when we’re with someone we love and are comfortable with. Of course Liza’s request to keep work talk out of the relationship will no doubt prove problematic as Charles and Zane’s machinations unfold, however it also means that if Charles is not forthcoming in revealing their plans, he may arguably be respecting her wishes. I still hold out hope that whatever drama that needs to play out does so, but that Kelsey, Liza, Charles and Zane ultimately team up again to work together, along with Diana and Lauren. I mean, talk about the A team.

Speaking of A teams, Diana and Enzo (#Dianzo I think we settled on??). Never have I shushed at a character quite like I did Diana as she careened towards the point of no return during her post-event walk with Enzo. It was like watching some kind of horrifying game of insult Jenga, where instead of wooden pieces, every time Diana kept trying to clarify that actually, she just meant she thought she’d be with someone cultured, sophisticated etc, we could see the pieces of Enzo’s heart being slowly extracted before the whole thing broke completely (along with mine). I actually yelled ‘stop talking’ at one point and it was a reminder that Diana’s tendency to be self absorbed and inconsiderate is still well and truly in tact. It did allow for yet another splendid Lauren/Diana interaction the next morning at work, Lauren’s sympathy evident as she referred to Diana by her actual name instead of Diva, and I just love how obsessed Lauren is with Diana. I need to see more of them together and yes please out at a bar.

Of course the real pay off and Dianzo resolution came towards the end of the episode when we discovered that Diana had written and published their love story herself. Side note: I want Miriam Shor to narrate all my books. Diana and Enzo’s simple yet emotional reunion was so moving, in part because of the accompanying narration but also because Diana’s walls are finally down with Enzo, she’s allowing herself to be in love with him because that’s what she wants and needs. I just love the character development of Diana over the series and I cannot wait to see the Diana and Enzo story unfold over the rest of the season.

The fastest moving part of this episode was undoubtedly the gender reveal to birth of baby which occurred in the space of about four minutes. When Liza arrived at the party I really got the impression that as she looked over at Josh and Clare, she was simply happy for them. And poor Liza being tasked with holding the balloon for the big reveal only to let it go, that whole situation was so relatable and would definitely be me if I was given that responsibility. Clare did a fantastic job of moving from first contraction to crowning baby in the back of an Uber in mere minutes. I cannot even tell you how ecstatic I am that Maggie was the character put into the back of that car, that scene was so bonkers but the dialogue, from Maggie asking why she was in the splash zone and ‘it’s coming for me’ and telling Josh the breathing’s not working, to Clare’s ‘you and I are the only two women who’ve been inside my mother, we’re bonded’ and of course ‘no baby in my Uber!’, it has to have been one of the most hectic moments ever on this show but jeez was it funny.

The entire outro of this episode, with Diana’s narration tying together all the fragments, was sublime and obviously credit to Don Roos for the stellar writing. I have said it before, but having a young guy so openly yearn to be a father is really refreshing and seeing Josh with his baby was beautiful. This character just desperately wants to love and be loved and I really believe that his daughter will give that to him in a way he deserves. For Liza, seeing Josh with the baby would undoubtedly dredge up all kinds of feelings. I am not naive enough to believe that the writers won’t continue to stoke the ‘Team’ debate, however for now I am going to put my faith in the fact that actually, the story that’s playing out is one that is real and multifaceted. To see an ex, whom you loved, with a baby that you were very clear you did not want, I don’t doubt that there would be a moment of, ‘what would my life have looked like if that had been me?’. It doesn’t mean Liza wants that now, but I do believe that coupled with the words Diana is reading, it is a time of letting go and reflection for Liza.

When Liza returns to the brownstone (ok, two things quickly, umm how does she get in to the house? I would NOT put it past C. Brooks to have given her a key already but I need confirmation asap. Also, turns out casual Charles is a barefoot guy, which I am struggling with a little because it is Winter and he is sitting reading, surely there’d at least be socks but apparently not), I will admit that I found the exchange between her and Charles a little odd, I can’t really explain why. I really liked Charles’ reaction to the news of a baby girl, his understanding of what it’s like to become a parent felt really evident in his response. I could (most likely am) be completely over-thinking it, but I wonder if Charles asking Liza if she’s happy is because he knows this would be hard for Liza?

I feel like the fact she needs a hug is a dead give away that she’s needing some TLC and time to process. I truly love a hug, I find them to be more intimate sometimes than a kiss, like a real proper hug and I feel like we don’t get many on TV and the way Liza pulls Charles to her and he holds her does things to my heart. The look on Liza’s face at the end, it is obviously to serve the purpose of stirring up the Josh/Charles debate but you know what? I just want to engage in the narrative as it is written and I do believe that Liza is happy with Charles and is grieving the ‘what could have been’ with Josh in that moment and to me, that’s ok. It will be how these characters and the story move forward from this point that I’m really keen to see.

All in all, I really enjoyed episode 2, it was an episode of extremes in many ways because the funny was oh so funny and the emotional really up and got me at the end there.

Be sure to have your fire blankets ready for next week’s ep, if you’ve seen the sneak peek you know why and if you haven’t just trust me, it will be necessary.

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #6x02 #liza miller #charles brooks #kelsey peters #diana trout #maggie amato #josh #zane anders #liza x charles #diana x enzo #team charles #dianzo #lauren heller #review #younger season 6

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