#remind me why does she like suho again

[life-rewritten]

TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE SCARS VS FALSE MASKS

I'm actually surprised I have a new Korean drama to fall for before the end of the year. After testing out what's available, True Beauty feels like the one for me. I was going to watch it regardless of if it made me analyse because it's directed by Extraordinary You PD. I love how he shows the plot of his shows, his romances are always soft yet angsty, and they make you feel so many emotions whilst laughing and smiling and perhaps swooning over certain second leads and protagonists. After Start-Up I swore of love triangles, and yet True Beauty comes with just that, yet I'm having so much fun watching this show for the past 3 weeks, and it's been a ride. It's precisely what the title says it's focused on True Beauty. The actual meaning of beauty and perspectives on what is truly beautiful and what's not, the psychological trauma of being someone perceived as not socially pleasing to the world, and being forced to hide to survive the harsh environment. It's an emotional look into another teenage drama, full of angst, romance, self-love, and self-acceptance. I'm enjoying it a lot, and my heart has been tugged at each episode, so I'm not saying True Beauty is my full focus, but I have spoken about it here, and from episode 5 and 6, I somehow have a lot to say.  So let's get into it

True Scars vs False Masks

True Beauty episode 5 and 6 focus on the effect of PTSD and trauma symptoms which each of our main characters have to go through. Apart from Seojun, who has his own frustrations and pains connected to the overarching plot, but not as pronounced as these three.

Kyung, Suho and Soojin are triggered by certain parts of their memories, making them afraid, broken down, and self-hating. The first thing to mention when focusing on Kyung's ideology of true beauty. Kyung may think that being seen as beautiful is the only way to make her self survive her own past traumas, but the two perceived beautiful people who are praised and known for having everything by their peers,  are just as scared, suffering and hurt by the world as she is. All by the cruelty and insensitiveness of different people in their lives.

Ju Kyung: The mask of Beauty

Kyung is forced to relieve yet again her trauma as a bully victim when she bumps into the girl. The very bully that caused her to finally break down and wear her mask for protection. One thing to notice in episode 5/6  as she takes care of Seojuns sister; she realised that wearing a mask isn't the right way to live comfortably and she questions why she can't have the same confidence and inspiration in her self to be brave.  Which is what people would quickly want to say about her situation, just love your self, only trust your self, just be your self. Still, as we've seen from the past episodes, the reason is that when her mask is uncovered, and she's her true self, her past comes to find her and the people who cruelly lowered her down to nothing before their eyes, who proceeded to hurt and abuse her because of how she looks. The girl who likes to emotionally have control over Kyung's self-esteem like a leash she can't escape from,  people like her that can't stand to see Kyung be happy with her skin,  is why it's even more painful when Suho tells her that he's doing all he does for her as pity it's heart-breaking. It makes her feel even more inferior because she's being a burden to the guy, she's come to have feelings for, and it's still because of her looks in a way. Because he's the first person who knows her real face under her mask of makeup.

It’s not just the bullies that do this to her, that make her feel so ashamed and guilty for wanting to just be her self. People who she’s close to, her ex best friend betrayed her because of this issue, (to avoid being bullied) and her mother is harsh and cruel beyond words, always breaking her self esteem, ignoring her child’s plight when she could actually be of help to her, and mocking her every time just cause she isn’t smart. Her mother proceeds to not understand the real trauma in her daughter’s life, not even knowing or taking it seriously that there was a time where Kyung almost gave up everything and took her life, just because of how exhausted she was by what society was making her think about her true self. 

When Suho said that I was so agitated and disappointed. When cruel and forced to wear his own mask of coldness, Suho can be harsh and ruthless. However, it still felt problematic to me because he knows how sensitive Kyung is about her looks, how much she suffered because of it, he's the one who saw her almost choose to take her own life because of it and he's also seen her try desperate attempts to avoid it. To cruelly say it's because of pity that he's been doing all he did by her side and she's being a bother; it's upsetting and just annoying. I'm annoyed that he still refuses to communicate with her properly about it, tell her it's not because of pity and she's not a problem.

To come to her house/ accept her mother's invitation and act like he's not told her she's a burden is just upsetting and it's exhausting because she doesn't want to keep on feeling like she owes him because he's hiding her secret about her looks. It's also sad because you realise that it must have broken her heart more because when she felt she had someone on her team who saw her without her mask and chose to be there for her, help her and understand her, this same person threw her away saying she was a weight to him. When she finally felt she was able to be herself and like her self without her mask, she deserved to be free without making up, especially his last words to her before he switched himself off, was that she was beautiful without makeup. That one quote, that one stance, and one act of support for her meant everything. Yet her one source of defence and her foundation to bounce back from her worries and fears rejected her and told her she wasn't important; her presence was upsetting him.

Again Kyung is forced to think that what she needs to do to survive is to be beautiful to wear her mask; it's the only way she will be accepted. That's what Suho harsh words did to her, and despite that, she still ran to him to be his defence and protection. They both do the same thing for each other; if you notice Suho protects her always when she's at her worst broken down and without her mask of beauty. Suho is protected by her finding him and literally shielding him with her warmth and comfort letting him know he's not alone and he's understood.

Suho: The mask of Coldness

Before I focus on their dynamic though back to masks and scars. The reason why Kyung runs to Suho is where the plot for his PTSD symptoms comes in. Suho without the act is also broken, guilty and tired of people refusing to listen to him. His issue is that whilst people see his richness and privileges as a positive for him, they're his source of guilt and pain. His mask is to push people off and not expect or trust things with people, because of this he's seen as the guy who's unreachable in a good way, attractive and has it all and everyone wants his attention and needs to beg for it. His mask works for him, so he doesn't seem vulnerable, and he doesn't let people easily break him.

But we know he's exceptionally vulnerable because of the guilt of Seyeon having symptoms of PTSD, panic attacks, broken and self-hating. The cruelness of the world isn't attacking him like Kyung, but it's using him as a tool to hurt others well that's what he believes anyway. His dad is powerful and intense and leads to people feeling broken as Seyeon, and they take drastic measures to end it. The school praises him and lets him get away with stuff if he gets in a scuffle but they hurt others more harshly just by looking at their background and status, they did this to Seojun when they got in a fight in episode 4.

No matter what happened, Suho has never been able to get away from the price that came with his reputation and status. It cost him so much at the end it made him lose his closest friend, and it made him lose himself to the guilt of not being able to be the person everyone wanted him to be for not being able to reach that 'divine'' Suho reputation people give him.

For him, being with him hurts people, and so he pushes Kyung away harshly and wears a mask of coldness and harshness to prevent people wanting or expecting things from him and to make sure he wallows in his guilt alone. Without his mask, Suho is just a boy lost, frightened and traumatised. He's broken by what's happened, and with Kyung not only does she help him, but she also does when they first meet.

 She unintentionally provides him with a way to speak out his feelings and save her the way he couldn't do to his friend, but also she's there for him even during times she shouldn't be; she runs and finds him, she lets him cry and breakdown, and she understands him with a few words. She knows what it's like to be afraid and broken, and she knows why it's like to feel like no one understands your pain.

Both she and Suho understand each other because they've been hurt and exhausted each time something from the past comes to remind them of the guilt of being who they are and wallowing in self-hate and disgust. It's so heartbreaking, but they both run to each other time and time again at their most needed moment.

Soo Jin: The mask of Strength

Someone else with the same issues that also proves to Kyung that the beauty she craves/ the reputation to be seen as having it all isn't great; is Soo Jin. Whilst on the surface she’s incredible, she’s powerful, fights for everyone, protects Kyung like a knight in shining armour, is protective of all her friends, uses her strengths to help others, and ensure people aren’t looked down on, or broken down. 

Soo-Jin is also put into the same situation as Kyung and Suho, she's also broken down mentally, physically and emotionally. She's had her self esteem be destroyed repeatedly; for never getting to the top except she is always on top. She's the girl who has everything, like Suho her mask is the girl who has everything sorted, she's kind but harsh to the right people, she's protective because she doesn't like bullies and cruelty. She's intelligent and also beautiful naturally as Kyung puts it.

Still, her mask of strength is unveiled when you realise she's forced to put up with a bigger bully her own father, he's cruel, abusive and degrades her by physical violence. It's heart-breaking. To have the control, she repeatedly tries to wash her hands clean to the point they're raw and dry when she stressed and terrified. When she's broken and scared, she tries to restart again, washes her hands clean and starts again making her self anew, making her mind anew, and becoming stronger. 

Her washing her hands mindlessly is the only time we see her without her mask, and no one can see her scars on the apparent parts they're hidden on her hands dry and cracked and easily misunderstood as dryness or mistake. Easily the part of the body that's not noticed at first.

Cruelty, Scars and Trauma

That's the thing with scars in this show and PTSD.  Kyung's mask covers up the acne scars that people have hurt her because of.  Yet now those scars are actively hidden under her makeup and guise of beauty, she has those external scars but also mental scars about how she looks she's been forced to a mindset where seeing her self in the mirror automatically gives her shivers, makes her terrified and go into self-hating phase. She's been forced to hide who she truly is because that was taken away from her by bullies because of her looks.' it just sucks and hurts.

Suho's mask covers his internal scars and burdens placed on him, you won't think he's broken or hurting from his past because his mask of coldness which makes everyone think he uses the status and reputation for his strength instead of loathing it. Suho's internal scars have made him become someone who's closed off, distrustful and harsh sometimes and no one understands it, they take it the wrong way, staying away from him. For example Seojun it's Suho's mask that made him think Suho was despicable and felt guiltless when in reality every single word SeoJun said to Suho about wanting him to never be happy until after he dies, about making sure he never has a good time because of Seoyeon just drives deeper with that self-hate. Disgust, Suho has for himself; it's like Seojun keeps repeatedly stabbing his wounds all over again. When he appears the issues increase even more if you've noticed, Suho's symptoms of PTSD increased because Seojun had started to actively make him go back to feeling guilty and remind him of the choice he made to push people away. Seojun playing a role in this is so upsetting, and it's made it hard for me to like his character as much as I did before.

The masks may cover up their scars in their minds and to others, but it won't make them free the way they want to be. These characters break my heart and have been through so much.

I'm loving this show. I think it gets better and more painful each episode, but it has the light moments, it touches your heart, and it makes you smile and cry so much. The romance between Suho and Kyung is also precious despite certain pauses in their growth because of their masks and miscommunications. However, the fact that they're each other's refuge to be free without their masks, to breath and to see each other the way others can't it's beautiful. Seojun's feelings for Kyung are also growing. I'm torn because I like his moments so much but thinking about emotional torment and pain he causes Suho, especially in these episodes isn't my cup of tea. Kyung sees him as a sibling right now, and I wonder if that's all she's ever goanna accept him as I actually want him and Soojin to be together at the end and Soojin is slowly getting into her role of second lead for Suho. I hope they don't use her hurt as a way to make her a villain. That's be sick if she breaks down because Suho likes Kyung not her like no let's avoid this storyline.

[cosmiclatte28]

The Undead collab

for @biaswreckingfics the undead collab! such an amazing collab and I am honored to write for Lay.

summary : The world had been destroyed. Zombies. Yes, you heard me right. Zombies took over humanities. They said it was conspiracy, others said it was planned, someone said it’s a bio weapon but you? You said this was fate and this was meant to be. In the middle of the chaos, your last proof as being a human started to disappear. And in times where you wished for safety, you did finally come to find the man who’s been embracing you in your dreams. Your online sugar daddy.

Semi smut (not explained just mentioned), romance, survival story

members : EXO-M

Pairing : lay x reader

WC : 3702

tw : zombies, daddy issues

The world had been destroyed. Zombies. Yes, you heard me right. Zombies took over humanities. They said it was a conspiracy, others said it was planned, someone said it’s a bio weapon but you? You said this was fate and this was meant to be. In the middle of the chaos, your last proof as being a human started to disappear. And in times where you wished for safety, you did finally come to find the man who’s been embracing you in your dreams. Your online sugar daddy.

You’ve lost count of the days. To be honest day and night don’t feel different as you have to stay alert all the time. There’s no time to rest, no time to slack, and no time to worry about what you left behind. It all started as a gas leak in a big biohazardous factory. The company keeps it secret, slowly affecting the workers there who are trying to fix the leak. It’s not a green smoke like what you would see in a Disney villain movie, it’s a nicely colored pink gas that smells sweet but is deadly enough to churn your organs and make you turn into what the society calls “zombie”

The outbreak spreads faster than the plague, with the infected “biting” the human and changin them into zombies. The conspiracy theories maker believe this was planned as how all zombie films look exactly like this. The scientists believed this were an unprepared bioweapon aimed to be released a century from the latest pandemic in 2020. You? You believe this is just fate and that there’s no meaning to hustle about what’s right. You just have three things in your head. Run, Adapt, Survive.

You’re glad you still have your phone, charger, knife, and a radio to contact any bases that have survivors in them. You’ve survived the days by running, hiding, and stealing big cars to help you run over the town. This morning, you got a signal from your radio saying that there’s some group of survivors on a certain latitude and longitude. You quickly take notes of it, and tell them over that you’re going to join them. As you pick your stuffs and put your compass on, you hear your radio static voice.

“How can we ensure you’re human?” one of them with a deep voice asks over the radio and you roll your eyes “Would a zombie be smart enough to find radio signals and communicate?”

You hear a loud laugh on the other end and you note that there’s more than one person there.

“How many of you are there?” you ask suddenly afraid if it’s a too big group and you have to make hard decisions with bigger parties.

There’s a shuffle and a voice comes in “There’s only 6 of us. I am the leader, Kris and you?”

You start your engine, “I’m (y/n). I’ll arrive before the sun sets hopefully.”

“Good luck and stay safe. We hope to see you in one complete piece. Over.”

--

“Who is it Kris?” The young man with a sweet dimple asks the leader after hearing the short conversation on the radio.

“Oh, from the voice I’m pretty sure she’s a survivor like us.” Kris peeks over the blinds of their hideout and notices how empty the road is.

“Can you reach Suho? I wonder if they survive too.” the same guy asks again.

Kris pats his shoulder “They’ll be okay Lay, don’t worry. I’m sure Suho can take care of the guys. Now, what about we try to find food for tonight?”

Lay sighs “I don’t know. With Luhan being weak today from using too much of his powers, I have to be here to help him heal faster.”

Kris sighs, with the 12 of them divided it was harder to fight the zombies. They are gifted with supernatural powers, but at the moment 6 of them are in another place and its their goal to reunite.

Kris left his radio and went to shower. They call themselves the EXO-M, with 6 members of their own powers.

---

You stop over an abandoned supermarket, after making sure there’s no one around, you quickly hoard all the canned foods and waters. Picked up fires and some warm blanket for you to sleep tonight.

Your journey to their basecamp was not smooth, with you having to walk over some hoard of zombies. With your eyes shut close you hit the gas and just move forward without thinking.

“Hey, hey can you hear me?” your radio suddenly turns on and your ears perk up when you hear the sound.

“Yes?”

There was a sudden pause.

Lay gulps and shakes his head when he hears your voice.

“Sorry, but can you bring us some food supplies?”

You sigh “I already did. You’re lucky but did you know how crazy it would be if I have to go back?”

He groans “You’re a handful aren’t you?”

You were too focused on the road, not filtering your word “I AM. You can say I am a sugar baby at all time, so yeah I am a handful.” you yell that as you strive through some muddy place and you notice there’s a small strong bunker in the middle of the field.

Lay stays silent as he controls his beating heart. Why does something rings a bell in his memory.

He grits his teeth and shake his head “Just come here quick. We have to help our brothers.”

You groan “I am in front of a bunker pretty sure this is where you guys are. How come you can find a place without any infected people?” you ask as you see a man opens the door for you to come in.

“Chen, Tao, Xiumin and Kris go take her foods and keep it safe.”

You yell as the dimpled man grabs your hand into the bunker. You shake it off “Hey, that’s my food supplies!”

“First off my name is Lay.”

“Okay Lay,” you cut him off “Stop robbing my supplies.”

Lay’s eyes turn dark “Hey, you’re the guest here. Don’t you think it’s also dangerous for us to just accept you here?! If it’s not because of Tao’s clumsy hand pressing the radio to give you a signal, Kris won’t bring anyone in.”

You feel offended, “If you don’t want me here you can say that directly. You’re not my master or husband or whatever, i can go if you want that so bad, but let me take all my stuffs with me.”

As Lay was about to spit back words to you, a strong grip separates both of you and you gasp surpsied.

“(y/n) right? Nice to see you come in one piece. I am Kris, sorry if Lay said anything that hurts you. He’s been alert for the last two days trying to heal our exhausted brother. I apologize on his behalf.” Kris, bows at you in a respectable angle and your anger fumes down. He sure is the leader and you’re glad his words didn’t sting.

“Thank you Kris, I like your welcome better. I came here with supplies, I want to share it with all of you but Lay here just robbed my car.” you sneer at the tall man and he just rolls his eyes.

“Lay, would you mind taking (y/n) to the bathroom? She can use some shower and you can check if she needs any medical healing.”

“We’ll take care of dinner. Don’t worry, you’ve had a long day. Good job in arriving here.” Kris sends you off and walks away. You sure like how this Kris manners are

You want to protest for being left with Lay but Lay’s firm grip dragging you into the bathroom left you with no option than to follow him.

--

“I’m sorry, your voice just reminds me of someone and I was distracted.” he suddenly speak up from the shower stall next to you.

You turn your neck to see him, the shower walls are not that tall for Lay. You can see his head from the side, but it covers your height nicely.

You gulp and continue washing your hair, facing the other way as you always did when you wash your hair. Your back facing the shower so that your eyes are free from the water.

“It’s okay, i am sorry I was just stressed and tired too. I swear I am not a handful.” you blush when you remember the first introduction between both of you.

Lay has a special memory working in his head and he chuckles “You’ll say I am wild but you reminded me of my sugar baby.”

You blushed, feeling a tingle on your naked body “Oh, in what way?”

He turns the shower off and looks at you “I never see my sugar baby, We both don’t know how each other look. We’re just talking and chatting and having fun remaining anonymous.”

Now it’s your turn to gulp and turn the shower off, you grab the towel Lay prepared earlier and wrap yourself in it “Now that’s interesting. Mind to tell me why you suddenly remember her?”

Lay chuckles and looks to the ceiling “We did voice calls sometimes, and when you said “I am a handful” you really sound like her.”

You bashfully stare at your feet. There's a bothersome fact in your head that also says Lay sounds like someone you know.

“Alright, I guess we need to go join the others?” you reappear in front of him with your fresh set of clothes you just took from the supermarket.

Lay nods “Before that, a quick check. We can’t have you bleeding or injured around here.” He twists and turns your body checking and pressing here and there to see if you have any wound or broken bones.

“You’re quiet strong for you to be alone for days. Just wounds but no big injuries! I can heal your internal injuries so the infected at least can’t smell you that strongly.” Lay explains and you just nod.

“How will you do that?” you squeak and he smiles “You’ll discover tonight.” he winks and your heart stops a beat when memories of a voice comes back to your head.

He couldn't be…

Dinner was better than what you have had for the past days. Somehow the EXO-M have their own food supplies here but they are also running out of foods.

"Before we eat, let's thank you our new sister here (y/n)," the man with doe eyes smile at you nicely and make all the rest of the men stare at you.

You shake your head "No problem, I should he the one to thank you for accepting me inside. That's a big trust you have."

The men chuckles and Kris hushes them down "We sure knows because only special people like us can survive this long." He begins to take the foods on the table and the rest of them also joins.

You were sitting next to Xiumin and he helps you to get your foods on your plate.

"We eat from the same pan, so don't worry. We don't plan to kill you or hurt you." He grins "I am the one cooking so please enjoy it."

You chuckle, if this was Lay's cooking maybe you will be careful remembering how your first impression wasn't good. Though something still bothers your mind when you see him take a glance or two at you.

You learn about their abilities, a supernatural power that helps them survive until today. Just like you, the 6 men here have their powers and they have a separated brothers who also own powers. Their goal is to reunite and survive together but as far as you understand their story, they still cannot reach EXO-K and no news know what happened to them.

Kris was able to fly, making him the one to do errands like finding foods and shelters. Xiumin is their frost guardian. Luhan is gifted with telekinesis that's why when there was an attack, he had to work hard blasting the zombies away. You learned that Chen has a beautiful and powerful voice and he is gifted with making thunder. Tao can mess with time but he hasn't master time travel yet and finally lay. Lay has a healing power.

"So the 6 of you are unstoppable." You conclude as you drop your chopstick when you're done with food.

They nod "We're quite powerful now but you see we're getting weaker. And we need to meet the rest of the brothers to become more powerful."

"So what's your power?" Tao, the youngest, blurts out the question and you laugh

"I don't have a power. what are you talking about?"

Tao whines about how you don't need to hide it from them but you really don't know what they're talking about

"I am just a regular human." You snap and that brings an awkward silence to the room. You see kris looking cross at Tao and you can't stand the stares so you excuse yourself to hide in the only place you've been. The bathroom.

You turn the sink on and wash your hands, trying to cool your head down but you cannot focus when you see the small tattoo on your wrist. A tattoo of your family surname. You run your fingers over it. Feeling your tears collect again when you remember how they all died on the first week of the apocalypse. You lost everyone and everything you love. You're forced to run and you're so young to survive because your father reminded you that whatever happen go run for your life and leave your loved ones behind.

You wash your face, trying to hide the tears that fall on your cheeks.

when you hear another footstep coming into the room, you turn the water off. You saw him coming and you expected he'll greet you with a "Stop wasting the water silly" but all you heard was a sweet deep voice you've always heard on your lonely nights. On nights where you feel so lonely and dark thoughts loom around.

"May I little one?" A voice you remember.

You turn your head to face him and shake your head "Are you really who I am thinking?"

Your heart screams "Yes daddy," but that doesn't leave your mouth.

He stops and stares at his feet "Are you someone I am thinking of?"

Both of you don't answer the questions. Instead, Lay sits down on one of the benches there and you lean on the washing table.

"You really remind me of my online sugar baby. I hope she's doing fine. I hope she survived. I cared a lot about her."

You let Lay continue talking.

"She said she likes to shower backway, her face away from the shower head. You did that earlier and I was surprised. But hey coincidence could happen right."

You blush laughing a little "You sound like you really care for her."

He nods "She's my favorite."

You play with your hair "Tell me more. I guess listening to stories like this is better than just getting asked about how my journey here looks like."

Yes you really don't need a reminder on how scary getting chased after a mob of zombies is.

"I don't think I'll ever hear from her again." He suddenly leans back and closes his eyes

"Oh how I wish i ever see her."

You fish your pocket and grab your phone out

"Do you want to borrow my phone and maybe look up her account?" You pass him your phone and he looks interested

"We didn't get the chance to take our phones when we had to evacuate. Silly us right." He brushes his hair back and you caught a glimpse of his abs.

"Will this ring a bell to you?" You clear your throat and calm your heartbeat.

"Sugar sweets here ready for you daddy" you close your eyes ready to feel embarrassed if things didn't go as planned. You can feel your ego crumbling but instead of a laugh or a wtf, you got a reply "Daddy's here sweetie, tell me what you want"

Both of you avoid each other's eyes for a minute. Ears flushing red and stomach filled with butterflies. Both of you suddenly laugh and chuckle

"So, you're my sugar daddy?" You finally ask after realizing how weird this should be but its not that weird.

"And you are my sugar baby!" He smiles "I am glad you are safe and here with me."

You walk to his side and sit next to him "i am sweetcheeks14"

He pinches your cheek "And i am the man behind sinfulwhispers"

The two of you laugh and you exhale a breath to relax

"So. What is it your super power?" You chuckle suddenly feeling stupid for asking that

Lay looks at you seriously "You think we were kidding? I really have a healing power."

Before you can scoff and reply with another power to joke around, he already pulls you to face him and as he concentrates you see his hand sticking out just few centimeters away from the stomach you actually hurt yesterday. Despite your attempt to laugh, you actually feel your stomach ache gone and a warm feeling runs in your body.

"There should be good as new. You're welcome." He clicks his tongue and you still freeze there unable to say anything.

"I- i don't know what to say." You touch your stomach again making sure it is really gone the pain.

He just sits down calmly beside you. Giving you time and space to think what the heck just happened.

“I know it’s confusing, but try to think about this.” he brushes your hair away to see your face. His warm big hand creeps up to reach your chin and holds it there “You’re a wonderful sweetheart and you’ve survived this long by yourself.” he searches your eyes to see if you’re scared of him or not, and when he sees your eyes twinkle, Lay erases the gap between you two.

“You have a super power sweetheart, you just have to embrace it.” he presses his lips on to yours and slowly bites yours.

You give in to his touch, finally tasting the kiss from your sugar daddy and finally just finally you’re not tensed from having to sleep in full alert, not stressed over where to take shelter.

Lay hugs you deep and that’s the time when you realize having someone by your side on hard times like this is the best.

Your tear falls from your eyes and when Lay wants to pull away and wipe it for you, you keep pressing his head to your lips and with one gentle move you flick your tears away only for both of you to jump back in surprise.

“What was that?” he asks suddenly holding your hand that just flick the small tears away and definitely leaves a hole on the toilet door.

You stare at your hands in horror, no way you have a super power.

Lay and you freeze in time, did you have that much power? Is that why you keep on slaying and killin the dead?

“Baby, I have a good feeling.” he picks you up before you can say anything and drags you out into a special room where you see a lot of training equipments.

“Would you mind?” he is already holding a boxing tape and you raise your palm to let him wrap your hands with the tape before he gives you an apple to your hand.

“Okay, now let’s see. We both will throw the apple and see whose will stick to the wall there.” he points to a side and you ask if it’s going to be okay.

Lay chuckles “It’s bulletproof, so let’s see.”

Both of you stand from the same line and throw the apples to the wall, sure enough yours leave a crack mark on the wall but not Lay’s

Suddenly the room echoes with claps and you turn your head to realize that the others are already here.

“We saw you running here with Lay, so we watched the camera.” Kris explained

You blushed, what if both of you were going to fuck, will they still be watching?

“Now, the final check to see if you’re still human is this.” Luhan points to a chair and you look at them confused.

“We’ll take your blood and do a quick lab test, our antibodies will be different if you’re immune to the “zombies” here.” Luhan explained as he already poked a needle into your vein and take a tube to test your blood.

“Go sleep and don’t think or worry about anything. We promise we won’t do anything to you. Take your well needed rest.” Xiumin explains and soon after the brothers discuss, Lay decided to take you into his room.

No one has to know what happens in that four walled space. You’re finally with your virtual sugar daddy and there’s a guarantee that the room is sound proof so both of you didn’t hold anything back.

“I’m glad you found me.” Lay whispers after both of you are done chasing your highs and cuddled nicely under the bed covers.

You yawn “I didn’t expect to finally be in your arms, but I will trade anything in this world to be here. I feel safe. Thank you Lay.”

Lay kisses the top of your head “Love you sweetheart, let’s see the result tomorrow and if you’re totally immune and like us, you’ll stay with us.”

You wonder what if you are not immune, will they throw you out? But before you can ask Lay already hugs you closer and hums a lullaby to your ear.

You settled on not trying to know what will happen if you’re not like them, and choose to sleep trying to think that everything is okay.

--

After all, you’re glad you find them and that they don’t disown you. Because having one more of the undead in their 12 immortal group is a good thing.

[sankyeom]

this one ends in a bit of a cliff hanger, reader be warned...

𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚊𝚍𝚎? // 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢

𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚘𝚢!𝚓𝚎𝚗𝚘 𝚡 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: 𝚒𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚓𝚎𝚗𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚊𝚍𝚎? 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 // 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 // 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝

When Y/n and Jaemin exited school, the usual crowd of high schoolers surrounded them as they all tried to get home. Amongst the crowd of school uniforms, a black leather jacket stood out as the body inside it leaned against a motorcycle with a small smile. Y/n bit her bottom lip to fight back a smile as she led Jaemin over to where Jeno was waiting for her.

As people realised who Jeno was waiting for, people stopped where they were going to stare and whisper amongst each other. Y/n ignored them, unbothered at the sudden attention since she knew they weren’t worth her time.

“Hey,” Y/n greeted. “Thanks for coming,” she added.

“Of course,” Jeno replied, eyes creasing as his smile grew. “Wouldn’t miss it,” he added before nodding over at Jaemin. Jaemin nodded back, making Y/n raise an eyebrow in surprise at their polite actions.

“I’ve got to get to dance team,” Jaemin reminded Y/n, wrapping his arms around her in a tight goodbye hug. “We miss you on the team. Don’t get in trouble again, okay? Wouldn’t want you to miss too many practices,” he said to Jeno, who thanked him and gave him a small smile.

“Bye Nana,” Y/n said her farewell before turning to face Jeno in surprise. “I think I’m going crazy,” she joked, making Jeno whine.

“Stop,” he said. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“You’re being nice to each other!” Y/n exclaimed. “How can I not be surprised?” Y/n stood on the tops of her toes to press her hand against Jeno’s forehead. “Are you sick? Are you feverish? Is that why you’re behaving out of the ordinary?” she frowned, standing normally and tapping her forehead as if she was thinking. “But that doesn’t explain Jaemin’s behaviour…”

“Okay, very funny,” Jeno rolled his eyes and Y/n laughed. “We just… Agreed to be neutral instead of always at odds with each other,” he said vaguely.

Y/n grinned. “Well, I’m glad,” she stated, looking genuinely relieved that Jeno and Jaemin were getting along.

“Here,” Jeno passed Y/n a helmet and took off his leather jacket for her to wear. She thanked him, taking both and putting them on as their peers watched in complete awe and surprise. It wasn’t everyday that the resident bad boy who had just gotten suspended and the school’s top student got onto a motorcycle together.

“Haeunnie, I’m home!” Y/n called out for her little sister as she and Jeno entered the house.

“Y/n!” she called back. Y/n and Jeno heard a small crash followed by the tiny thumping sounds of childish feet running across the hall until Haeun came into view with a large beam. “I missed you!” she declared, throwing herself at Y/n.

“I missed you too,” Y/n assured, hugging Haeun back just as tightly. “Do you remember Jeno?” she asked, motioning over to the boy next to her. “He helped me go pick you up a month ago.”

“Hello,” Haeun greeted politely, her large eyes shining with mirth. “Did you give Y/n a ride on your motorcycle again?”

“I did,” Jeno confirmed with a nod.

“That’s romantic,” Haeun said, making Y/n lightly nudge her sister to warn her. “It happens in all the movies! And in Suho’s drama,” she added, thinking of her favourite idol. “I wish I could have a ride…”

Y/n laughed. “She’s really into Suho from EXO these days,” she told Jeno. “When you’re my age, you can have a ride on a motorcycle too. But you’re too small now and I want you to be safe, okay?” Haeun frowned, but eventually agreed. “What was all that crashing in your room?”

“I knocked over my chair but I’m okay,” Haeun promised. “Are you going to watch a movie?”

“You’re not allowed to watch movies right after school, remember? Jeno and I won’t either, we’re doing homework,” Y/n corrected, making Haeun pout.

“Fine. I’ll go do my homework, too,” she sighed, giving Jeno one last winning smile before trudging back to her room.

“She’s cute,” Jeno laughed when Y/n glanced at him, amused about Haeun’s antics.

“She’s a troublemaker,” Y/n corrected. “She gets it from my dad,” she added with a grin. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” Y/n offered. “Why don’t you help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge while I go get changed,” she motioned to her school uniform.

“I’ll just sit and wait for you,” he suggested, motioning to the barstools by the kitchen counter where Y/n had put her school bag down.

Y/n made her way upstairs and quickly changed into a soft blue sweater and grey sweatpants in order to be as comfortable as possible. She paused at the mirror hanging on the back of her room door, observing the way she looked. Then, Y/n scolded herself. She knew that she didn’t have to dress to impress anybody, but somehow she felt embarrassed knowing that Jeno would see her in such comfortable, informal clothes.

Ignoring the feeling growing in her stomach, Y/n made her way back downstairs and smiled at Jeno. His feet were dangling from the bar stools by the counter and for some reason, this image was unusually cute for what Y/n had seen from Jeno.

“Okay, what are we eating?” Y/n asked, making her way into the kitchen and rummaging through the pantry. “Sweet or salty?”

“Sweet for sure,” Jeno said.

“How sweet?” Y/n asked, turning around to face him. “Do you need me to get the brown sugar out like Jaemin?”

Jeno burst out laughing. “He still does that?” he asked, delighted at the image of Jaemin still snacking on brown sugar in his free time due to his extreme taste.

“Yeah! It’s a wonder that kid doesn’t have cavities everywhere,” Y/n mused to herself. “Well, I love him so I guess I can’t complain too much.”

Jeno’s laughter ceased and he cleared his throat. “So, is it true?” he asked suddenly as Y/n pulled out a packet of gummy bears for them to eat. “Are you guys really dating?”

“No,” Y/n denied, taking the seat next to him. “Do people really think that?” she asked, surprised. “I thought my friends just said that to make fun of us.”

“People really think that,” Jeno confirmed. “I always thought that was why guys never approached you to flirt with you. They think you’re already dating Jaemin so they just ask you to pass on gifts to Ryujin, Yeri, and Somi.”

The idea startled Y/n. “I never even thought about it like that,” she admitted. “I always just thought that I was, I don’t know, ugly or unlikeable,” Y/n laughed awkwardly, trying to play it off as if she didn’t really care what other people thought about her.

“Well it’s the only thing that makes sense to me,” Jeno retorted. “I mean, you’re incredibly smart and funny and caring, and you’re really beautiful so I don’t see why people wouldn’t flirt with you. That’s the only reason I can think of. Your friends never really had boyfriends or showed interest in specific boys, whereas you and Jaemin have been attached at the hip since the first day of high school.”

Y/n smiled at Jeno, making him feel nervous. “What?” he asked.

“You think I’m smart,” she commented. “And funny and caring and beautiful,” Y/n beamed.

Jeno tried to fight the blood from rushing to his cheeks but he knew it was too late. “So what?” he asked, coughing. “Aren’t I allowed to think that you’re all of those things?”

“You are,” Y/n agreed. “You’re just the first boy to ever tell me that. Apart from Jaemin, but that’s different.”

“Why’s that different?” Jeno asked.

Y/n shrugged. “He’s my best friend. He just means it platonically, the way you’d tell your sister she’s beautiful.”

“Maybe that’s how I mean it,” Jeno argued.

“Maybe,” Y/n hummed. “But Jaemin never blushes when he tells me I’m beautiful.”

Jeno knew he had been caught, which only proceeded to make him blush even more. “Do your homework,” he mumbled, embarassed to have been caught like that.

Y/n laughed, passing him a red gummy bear. “Here, to match your cheeks,” she teased. Jeno grabbed it and threw it back at her, making Y/n’s giggling increase and intensify more as she knew he was trying to hide his red, blushing cheeks from her.

“So what if I’m blushing?” Jeno challenged, placing his hands on his cheeks in an attempt to cool them. “I’m allowed to blush, especially since I’ve liked you since middle school,” he boldly admitted.

Y/n’s laughter died down and she stared at Jeno in shock.

What did he just say?

[junmyeonning]

Touch me — 1

Type: Series

Pairing: Kim Junmyeon (EXO Suho) X Unnamed OFC

Rated: M (no smut yet)

Summary: He's the manager at the library. Smart, polite, and most obviously, incredibly sexy. She doesn't want the opportunity to pass so she teases the hell out of him. Until he breaks...

Previous: part 0.5

Warnings: a bit of an age gap (30 and early 20s)

Word count: 3.8k

Tags: @fightoh @suhotly @ctc95 @suhowifeuu @smolpeyy @lavellanfriendliness @eggsoyehet @ohsehunxv

—

Monday comes around.  Her classes were cut short for the day, so she and her friend decide to grab a bite and hang out.

"So how is it so far? I've heard that professor is no joke."

"Oh god don't get me started," she thinks back on all the crap that's been dumped onto her ever since starting the semester. "It's only week two and it's been hell... I don't know how I'm gonna pass this subject."

"Well unfortunately you know how it is.  And if I'm being honest, his tests are even harder." Her friend Jenna grimaces.

"Ugh you're kidding me..." she sighs in defeat, regretting how she didn't take up this general subject earlier and got it over with.  But now she has no choice. 

"-go back over notes after each class or you'll totally be screwed." She listens to the last part after unintentionally blocking out Jenna's voice, her eyes widening at that last statement.

"But I don't wannaa... not my style." She whines, taking a small bite from her sandwich. Jenna raises her brows at her friend's childish manners.

"...'Style'..."

"Fine okay, whatever I guess. Let's talk about something else." She shrugs it off, changing the topic for now. It stays at the back of her mind though, wondering in what ways can she make this situation a bit more tolerable. She has other classes after all, a shit ton of assignments, and it can be depressing to her if she forces herself and she knows it... that's just the way she is. Maybe a change of scenery while studying?

She thinks back on different places she's been recently, places with a calming atmosphere, possibly quiet...

All of a sudden she's reminded of the library and that one encounter with its attractive manager.  It has almost slipped her mind, but now looking back at it she feels more eager to revise today's lecture.

She makes up her mind to stop by the place before heading home.

—

She enters it once again, getting butterflies in her stomach when recalling what happened the last time she was here.

Technically nothing really happened... but she saw this insanely cute guy.  And he smiled.  And waved.  That's something right? To her longer than admitted relationship-less life, it is actually considered something.

She doesn't see him at first glance, so she tells herself to stop acting like a teenager.  Later, time to study now.  She promises herself.

She takes a seat at the same place as her previous visit, settling down and pulling out her book and notes in front of her. She can't stop herself as she raises her head a little to look, and it's not too hard to find him this time while he's standing by the shelves talking to a customer.

Their eyes meet by chance, and he flashes her that gorgeous smile yet again. She notices how extra warm he's looking today, wearing a sweater this time with some shirt under it. And of course, those damn glasses.

She smiles back 'casually', an exact opposite from what she feels on the inside. Why is her heart jumping like this? She blames his cute looks and that attractive gentleman aura of his.

She forcefully peels her eyes away from him, telling herself to seriously calm the fuck down. 

Five minutes go by, nothing changes. Then ten minutes. Then fifteen. She's re-reading the same lines yet to no avail, her mind refusing to absorb any kind of information for the time being.

She feels frustrated when she looks up again, this time not finding him anywhere in sight. She looks right and left, wondering where he had disappeared when suddenly someone from behind her speaks.

"Looking for something ?" She almost jumps when she hears his voice.  He comes into view and grins at her reaction.

"Huh? No nothing, I'm studying." She laughs it off, pointing at her displayed papers.

"Ah okay then. Good luck!" He gives her a cute little thumbs up in encouragement then turns to leave.  She feels disappointed, knowing this could've went on for a little longer, but no unfortunately it's time to focus back again on her school work.

Fifteen more minutes pass by, and she starts to feel irritated with her lack of accomplishment. She's basically wasting her time doing nothing, and the library itself is so boring and empty, so she decides to just leave. She can't stay here when her mind is this occupied, it might've been a not so good idea in the first place.

On her way out she passes by him leaning against the front desk holding his phone. He has a surprised look on his face when he sees her.

"Oh, finished already ?"

"Well to be honest," she hesitates on telling him what's bothering her, but whatever. "I was trying to go over what I've taken today but I'm just so out of focus. I guess i'll go home and look it up or something."

"Hm..." he locks his phone and puts it away, giving her all his attention. "Maybe I can pull you out a book in here that'll help explain better ?" he offers.

"Sure, if you have anything on this." She shows him her book, making him raise his brows in acknowledgment as he takes it in.

"Ohh." He lets out a laugh, clearly amused. She's confused and he sees it, so he explains.

"I remember studying this subject back in college." He chuckles.  She makes an 'oh' face in realisation, and that's when it clicks in her mind.  Let's give it a shot.

"Ooh, how was it for you?"

"Hmm, I was pretty good at it actually." Perfect.

"What if... you help me out a little then? I don't think more reading will do me anything at this point." She subconsciously gives him a cute puppy face, and it's not hard to convince him to agree to her.

"Sure. As you can clearly tell," he gestures with his hands around him at the deserted library. "It's a very busy day today."

She giggles at his sarcasm. Wow he's a joker too.

"Hey watch over the place a little, I'm just gonna be over there helping her." He instructs his co-worker, then turns around and heads in front of her to where she was sitting earlier.  She skips behind him, mentally cheering herself for her successful plan.

He goes over the pages for a little, quickly getting reminded of the topic before starting to point and explain some key points.

His voice is gentle and his tone is so calm, speaking like he knows what he's saying and putting it into words perfectly.  One minute into it and she feels like she's in a trance, the only thing she's focusing on is him.

Then her eyes start wandering, looking down at his lips while they're moving and forming words.  She doesn't understand what he's saying at this point, just nodding along mindlessly and agreeing with whatever he's talking about.  Until he asks her a question on the topic.

"...Huh?"

"What I just explained now."

"Oh yeah yeah! That..." she thinks for a second, having zero idea on what he just said.  He notices and closes his eyes in disappointment.

"Was I not clear or..." he wonders genuinely, in which she quickly starts denying with wide eyes.

"No no no! It's actually the opposite, you're so good," she stumbles, not knowing how to say it. "I guess your way of explaining is..."

"Yeah?" He replies in a lower, more careful tone, and she almost melts under his gaze.

"Um," she laughs lightly, almost nervous, but she dares say it. "...distracting maybe?"

She feels time go by so slowly at that second, waiting for his reaction.

"Oh... I'm sorry then," he rubs his neck in embarrassment and looks down at the book. "Then our time was just wasted."

What? She's shocked that this is just what he understood from her.  After throwing all these hints and signals towards him, he's apologising?

"Hey, manager Kim you were literally perfect. I'm the one who should apologise here I told you I'm having trouble focusing today," she feels bad for putting him in this situation, she's the one who wasted his time, just because of her silly crush. "I'm sorry."

"No it's okay, don't worry about it." He gives her a reassuring smile, and her heart does that weird jump again. For the love of god stop being so cute. She says in her head.

"Okay, see you later?" She smiles back at him. He nods and they both get up, she starts putting her stuff away.

"Wait, what is your name?"

"Oh, it's Junmyeon." She tells him her own name, then leaves her things for a second to wrap her arms around him in a hug.

"Thank you Junmyeon." He staggers a little in surprise, standing there taken aback with his hands still in the air. He reacts then and pats her back with a laugh.

"No problem, I was entertained actually." She steps back from him and looks up in confusion.

"Huh? What's so entertaining about teaching."

"Uhm," he glances away with a small smile, before chuckling and shaking his head. "It just kind of reminded me of my college days."

She giggles at the way he's acting like a grandpa, when in reality he looks exactly like a cute little bunny with those cheeks of his.

"Stop I bet it's not that far."

"Oh but it is."

"How far?" She asks him and he takes a moment to think back on it.

"Hmm I don't know, nine years maybe?" She couldn't help herself from gasping, making him laugh in response. "Wow I look that young huh."

"So you're like thirty? Is that right?"

"Yep." She's struggling with keeping her thoughts in her head, her mind running a million thoughts per second. Something about this new info of him being in his thirties makes him more appealing to her, she doesn't know why but she feels even more attracted to him now.

"Thirty is still young by the way." She comments on what he said, and he shrugs it off with a 'sure whatever'.  They share smiles and laughs during the whole exchange.

She takes her bag and waves him goodbye, heading back home while her stomach is still feeling all jittery.

She can't stop thinking about him even when she's unlocking the door to her apartment, having spent all the ride home recalling their now second encounter. She remembers how sweet he was to agree help her (even if she was a little shit who kept staring at his mouth), and how gentle and mature he sounds when he talks, and the way he has smiled at her multiple times by now. Seriously? Those precious looking smiles directed at her? What is the intention, to melt her heart into a little puddle at his feet?

She bites her lip from smiling too big, feeling like a complete idiot just standing there in front of her wardrobe still in her day clothes.

Her mind is telling her she needs to see more of that cute library manager.

—

Unfortunately for a week or so, that didn't exactly happen.

Of course life got in the way, and for the past few days she couldn't even think of anything else with how busy she's gotten. Now with an important quiz coming up, she's extra nervous about it and studied it to hell and back.

She leaves all her papers and gets up, wanting to get a breather and just get the hell out for a little bit. It's nighttime, she's still in her pyjamas, she doesn't even know where she's going, hut all she's thinking is fuck it as she grabs her phone and keys. It is kind of reckless to just leave like this, but in her head she says maybe she'll just go to her close-by usual café or whatever.

Just as she arrives at that spot, she looks a little down the street at the familiar place she hasn't thought of these days.  What has he been up to? Did he think of me at all? She wonders.

She figures seeing him will instantly make her mood better, so she crosses out her initial plan and heads to the library.

She pushes the door open, looking around and seeing it practically empty again at this hour.  What if he's not on his shift? She clearly didn't think it through, but she ignores the voice in her head and gives it a try as she struts around casually.

She passes the aisles one by one, until she finally lays eyes on what she was looking for.  Or more specifically, who she was looking for.  She wants to sigh in relief, he might just be the highlight in her otherwise miserable week.

"Oh, manager Kim!" She walks up to him as he was apparently arranging some books.  He looks up when hearing his name, quickly recognising her and smiling in her way.

"Oh hey," he continues his work on the shelf. "Haven't seen you for a while."

Damn you, heart. Calm. Down.

"Yeah you know, college, life," she stands beside him, attempting at any sort of conversation. "What are you doing there ?"

"Stocking some new books, almost done with my shift now," he puts up another one. "Did you come here to talk to me or to actually study ?"

He says it jokingly without even looking, so she decides to muster up and just say some of the truth.

"Umm, both I guess?" He pauses and looks at her now. She smiles innocently at him, biting her lip subtly, which in return makes him glance down at her lips before looking back into her eyes.  He clears his throat awkwardly and looks away, putting up the last book in his hand.

"So you want something from here or can we just..." he means to leave but she quickly comes up with a lie.

"Wait, uh I need a book from there actually." She points at a place behind him randomly. He turns around to look, then looks back to her confused.

"Where?"

"Oh right there I think..." he goes along with her and walks over to where she pointed, somewhere farther behind aisles close to a corner.

"What exactly-" he spins back to face her, only to find her directly standing in front of him. He laughs in surprise. "When did you follow me this fast ?"

"I walked up right behind you." She smiles, now very much close to cornering him against the wall of books.

"Are you sure you meant a book..." he laughs it off, looking visibly more nervous now.

"Yeah, what else ?" She casually pulls out a random book from beside him. "Found it."

She opens it and stares a little, pretending to have interest in whatever the hell she just pulled out on a whim. He furrows his brows as he takes the book from her hand, looking at the title and stifling a laugh.

"10th grade physics. Interesting."

"Does it matter ?" She lets out a little laugh, taking it back from his hands and throwing it to the side.

She's getting more serious now as comes closer to him, looking up into his eyes and giving him that look.  Her bottled up feelings are coming up and she just can't stop them, her mind clouded and her frustrations from everything in her life right now is making her act out more than usual.

"Junmyeon..." he looks back at her, not saying a word as she comes closer and closer.

Their faces are so near from each other now, her eyes darting down to his lips then back up, her intentions very clear.

"What are you doing..." he whispers just as their lips almost connect, eyes closed by now.

"Isn't it obvious?" She whispers back, and finally goes in for it.

Their lips touch softly, staying still for a few seconds. She begins moving her mouth so slowly, kissing him and testing the waters. Before realising he still hasn't moved a centimetre.

She pulls back a little, looking up at him while his eyes are still closed. She calls his name in a careful tone to see his response, and he opens his eyes and looks down at her.

"...you shouldn't have done that." Her heart sinks a little.

"Why not ?" She gets closer again, their breaths hitting each other's faces as she tilts her head up to the side, waiting for him to make the move this time.  Their lips are so close, all he has to do is press his down onto hers like she did earlier

But he doesn't.  He's not pulling away, but he doesn't move in for it either.

When she sees he's not initiating anything, she moves back away from his personal space and looks at him with disappointment.

"What is it?"

"You know... it doesn't work." He looks at her with pleading eyes.

"What doesn't work? Give me a reason." She presses. He seemed into her enough to not pull away, and she caught him a few times eyeing her, specifically her lips, it doesn't make sense that he backs off this way.

"I... you're too young." He murmurs, not making any eye contact whatsoever. She crosses her arms.

"I'm twenty one... if that's your reasoning, remember we're both of age here and we're free to make our own choices." He looks conflicted, like he agrees with what she's saying but still holding himself back. She holds both his hands in hers, leaning in close to him once again and tilting her head.

“Come on, do it," she whispers. "Kiss me..."

Time is moving so slow as he leans down his head finally, getting his lips closer to hers.  It is clear that he wants her too, and she awaits the moment that their lips touch once again, but he just stops there.

"I-I'm not sure..."

"Okay then hear me out," she stands back away from him, sighing as she gives it a thought. "Let's go on a date.  If you're still unsure, we'll leave it at that for good."

The eye contact feels too strong, and he takes a few second to make a decision as he nods slowly.

"Okay ?"

"Yes, okay."

They exchange numbers and go to part ways, but not before her giving him a sweet smile in reassurance as she's leaving.  The corners of his mouth lift up slightly as he smiles back at her, growing more and more convinced in his decision of agreeing to go on this date with her.

In his mind, he has never went for women who aren't within his age range, so this is definitely very new for him.  He knows nine years isn't really the smallest number, but like she said it won't hurt to give it a chance since they're both adults here.

He is still looking at where she left with a small smile, shaking his head as he can't believe what had just happened.  She knows what she wants... and it's damn hot.  He admits to himself.

Finally snapping out of it, he attempts to push all thoughts of her out of his mind for the time being.  It's way too early to try and guess what's going to happen on their date...

He continues to pack some stuff up and close the place for the night, with her still lingering at the back of his head against his own will.  He might just enjoy their time together more than he initially thought, and he can't help but look forward to it.

So being the person that he is, as soon as he enters his home he types her up a text.

'Hey there, did you get home safely?

Just wanted to say that even though I wasn't sure at first- you shouldn't worry about anything now.  I actually can't wait to see you again.'

He looks at it and frowns.  Too wordy, very unnecessary over-explanations.  Why the sudden nerves?

'Hey there, did you get home safely?'

He goes with just that for now, leaving his phone on the bed as he starts changing into something more comfortable for the night.  Just when he pulls off his shirt, he hears the familiar new message sound making him leave his closet open and go check her reply.

'Yup.' He reads her simple answer.  He starts typing again but she beats him to it, a picture of her suddenly popping up in a message bubble.

She's lying down on her bed in the dim lights of her room, holding up a peace sign while flashing him her pearly whites in a cute smile.  He catches himself smiling back instinctively, quickly typing up a reply.

'Good.'

Send.

'Just wanted to check in on you.'

Send.

He locks his phone momentarily and throws it back on the bed, taking off his pants now and deciding to wear just some sweatpants to sleep.  His duvet is pretty thick so he didn't bother.

He lies down finally, checking his phone again to see two new messages from none other than her.

'Aw seriously?'

'Well let me check in on you too... where's my cute pic :('

He laughs out loud at that.  That little...

He looks down at himself, very topless, and that gets his mind going.

'Sorry, can't do cute pics atm.'

'Can I ask why, mister?'

'...sure you wanna see ?'

Over at her home she's reading his text once more, her heartbeat accelerating when she thinks on the possible meanings behind what he's saying.  He's flirting back, holy shit-

'Bring it on, manager Kim.' And send.

She picks at her nails as she waits in anticipation, and that damn 'ding' rings in her ear as she quickly opens his newly sent photo.

He's mimicking her own picture, lying down on his back as well and holding up a peace sign.  But what's very different is his obvious naked upper half, the covers coming up at just below his chest. His chest to her surprise looking muscular and very toned.

Her eyes also take in his shoulders and arms, feeling herself about to drool with this rather suggestive picture. She already found him pretty sexy before in all these baggy sweaters and shirts, but now knowing all of this is underneath takes it to a whole new level.

Her hands start to sweat as she ponders what to say next, feeling her body getting hot overall.

'Saved. ✅'

He smirks to himself at her response, having noticed how long it took for her to type it.  Oh well she asked for it.

Time goes by unnoticed as they continue this playful/flirty texting back and forth, feeling more at ease with each other and for him a lot less tense.

Later on they find themselves going to sleep that night with a clichéd smile across their faces, the instant click between them being something of a pleasant surprise. The start of a beautiful and exciting thing perhaps.

—

(A/N): obviously I apologise for how late I posted this. I swear i have commitment problems to projects… dw it’s because we haven’t got to the good stuff 😈 can’t wait to show you what i have in mind

Comment if you wanna be tagged in all future parts! ♥️

Thanks everyone! Xx

[ddaenggtan]

black irises in the sunshine | kth

anger is everything. other gods tease you for the short fuse, but it comes with the territory. people have called you stupid, have called you dumb, oafish, useless, incompetent, insolent, rude, arrogant. all of it. insults and mockery flung at you, but even your skin isn’t thick enough to deal with constant abuse. it’s the exact reason you keep going to the underground, knuckles bloody and bruised, fighting anyone that dared enter the cage. it’s the reason you go to the clubs, surround yourself with mortals and their writhing bodies. it’s there that you see him the first time, voice husky as it rolls through the room. it’s there you find someone who treats you differently than the rest. you just never expected him to be one of the muses. | monsters and gods pt 3 (masterlist)

pairing | taehyung x reader

genre/warnings | greek god au, calliope!taehyung, ares!reader, theres a lot of violence and it does get descriptive so be aware of that, none of the main characters other than ares get hurt and its not uncalled for or anything in a narrative sense, so just be aware of that; there are mentions of other idols, but if you can guess them you get a cookie because they are Vague; suuuuper bisexual Ares, Ares Can Step On Me, like I am SO gay for her it isn’t funny; explicit smut ft: cunnilingus, taeHUNG bc hes got MASSIVE SCHLONG,  some body worship kind of and then just....regular worship? like? idk how to explain that? lots of praise and lots or orgasms

word count | 14k | cross posted to ao3

a/n | HOOOOOOO this has been sitting in my google docs for literal months waiting for an ending and i decided to try to get it out for tae's birthday bUT that didn't work because i have a Job and shit so YEET I GUESS HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR??? LIKE??? YEEEEEEEEEEEEE this fic is very near to me because Ares is my sweet sad angry babie and i love her, and i love tae and i love suho and i love the muses and i just........lOVE this fic like i think this is currently my favorite of the mag series so!! i hope yall also enjoy it!!!! yall are welcome to send me messages about this even tho I'm terrible at replying to them in a timely manner!! thanks to everyone who helped me with this, and everyone who has expressed interest in it, and everyone who has ever read anything of mine, because you're genuinely the best people ever, and this is literally a gift to y'all because you deserve it. 

Fuck, that was too hard .

The guy across from you goes flying, hitting the chain link wall of the cage harder than you intended. Every nerve ending in your body is on fire, and even holding back, you've got a better buzz than even the best nectar can give. Your blood sings as the guy gets back up, and you almost wish you could remember his name, because he's put up a hell of a fight. For a mortal, anyway. 

He charges at you again, and time slows as your vision tunnels. You can see the feint as he decides on it, how he hesitates in bringing his left up. You wait, watching him get closer and closer. You start to dart to your left, letting him think he's got you, before you side-step and dart to your right instead. His punch goes wide as you steady your balance and move. The top of your foot connects with his ribcage and the resulting crack of bone is lost amid the cheers and yells of the audience. 

Your opponent steps back and you're proud of the way he doesn't show the pain. He doesn't wince, doesn't move to touch the spot you hit, just tightens his stance and clenches his jaw. It's only you that notices the hitch in his breath, the way he flinches with every inhale. Your eyes narrow at that, zeroing in on the rib. You'd meant to just crack it, had been holding back most of your strength to keep from hurting him too seriously, but as he steps forward, you can see the way he grits his teeth against the pain. 

The fight leaves you immediately, like a bucket of cold water straight to the chest, and you drop your hands. 

"Yield." He just stares at you, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Yield to me, and then go to the doctor."

"I'm not gonna yield," He says. He spits a mouthful of blood out onto the floor. "I'm not weak."

"Seriously, dude," You insist. "You're not gonna win this, and I don't want to hurt you more." 

His scoff has you seeing red. "As if a princess like you could hurt me."

Your fist connects with his face before either of you registers that you've moved. There's a voice in the back of your head reminding you that he's just mortal, he can't take the same kind of beating you can, but it's lost in the haze of fury. The next thing you know, the ref is dragging you away and slamming you into the cage wall. Your opponent is being dragged out - you still don't know his name - and he looks beaten senseless. Victory rolls through you accompanied by a sick satisfaction at the way his blood looks decorating the canvas beneath your feet. 

It lasts for less than an hour. It's always like this; the thrill of the fight, the burn of success, it's gone faster than you can blink. It's what drives you to keep fighting, to keep going to match after match, just to seek out the under-the-table stuff afterwards. It's never enough, not anymore. Back in the old days, they'd let you fight anything. Bears, bulls, lions, giants, anything they could get a noose around long enough to point it at a colosseum. That was a long time ago, though, before all the rights movements happened. You won't lie: you miss fighting beasts like that. The sheer power and strength they have, the survival instinct that makes them such fierce competitors, it's so much better than the rules and regulations of the mortal world now. Fights have gotten dull, rehearsed, more like a performance or a show than an actual fight. People make more money losing than they do winning and it's made the world boring. 

You flex your hand as you open the door to your favorite bar. Something caught it at some point in the last fight, a cheekbone or a tooth, and it stings a little. Doesn't hurt, not exactly, not for a goddess, but it did enough that you feel it at all, which means it couldn't have been anything but torture for the guy on the other end. The bartender waves at you and gets your usual ready as you sit, and you idly wonder if Busted Rib Guy will be okay. It looked painful, for a human, and you'd tried to hold back, but…

Well, you weren't really responsible for what happened to condescending little fucks, were you?

You sip the bourbon, enjoying the burn as it goes down. The lights are dim, tonight. You're glad. You don't want to deal with people looking at you, men coming over to talk to you, trying to advise you on how to properly bandage your knuckles or how to avoid the bruise on your cheek next time. If you had wanted to avoid it, you would have. You'd intended it to hurt worse, honestly, but that first guy'd had a weaker right hook than you expected. 

You look around, wondering if anyone here would provide a decent distraction for the night. There's a pretty brunette in the corner with carefully crafted braids, and as your eyes travel, you imagine what's hiding beneath the silk and leather. You're pulled from the thought by the sound of music, and you curse under your breath. You forgot that it's an open mic night and you'd meant to go to the bar across town instead. Irritation colors your vision; every open mic night is awful, full of lofty poets talking about their trauma and wannabe Taylor Swifts thinking they're on the same level as Sappho. Ah, now that was a girl with a set of pipes. You miss her, wonder what she would say to the butchering of whatever song you're about to hear.

The voice that comes isn't what you expect. It's smooth and deep. The world turns to velvet around you as the voice wanders from one speaker to another, creating a mesmerizing multi-dimensional effect despite the way the singer doesn't ever leave the stage. You turn, knuckles white around your bourbon glass; he's utterly magnetic, every eye in the room trained on him as he purrs into the vintage mic. Long fingers are wrapped around the scuffed metal, decorated with jewels that glitter in the dim light of the bar. You can smell the lingering cigarette smoke from the guy beside you and the Jäger from the girl two stools down and for once, you don't even care. He's captivating, voice travelling between speakers in the bar and coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. 

Your eyes don't leave him, and you wonder if you can memorize the way the blond waves fall against his forehead if you stare long enough. 

The red seeps away from you, slinking back into the corners of your mind, settling once more into a low thrum under your skin. It fades into the background of this man's voice, the charisma that rolls off him in waves as he pulls the mic in close just to push it to the side with a teasing smirk. It settles something in your chest that hasn't been calm since the fight in Athens so long ago. 

The music fades out sooner than you'd like, and he gives a slight bow before wandering into the crowd. You do your best to follow him, but the gold of his hair disappears almost immediately, lost in the throng of people around the stage waiting to speak to him. You turn back around, downing the next bit of bourbon that Suho pours you. 

"I know," He says with a grin. You cock a brow at him, not having said anything he could agree with. "He's good. That's what you were thinking, right? He's why we're so packed on open mics. Got the audio and lighting guy whipped, so he's got all these special effects, too. Drives people crazy.”

"He's alright," You mutter. You toss a few bills down on the bartop and step back. Suho gives you a courteous nod as you leave. The bouncer gives you a dirty look when he spots the lit cigarette between your lips, but he knows better than to try to tell you otherwise. You've taught him better. 

You lean back against the brick wall of the alley and take a drag. The warm smoke fills your lungs and you close your eyes. It's a different kind of burn than you're used to, a distraction from the crawling sensation that drives you to fight. It's calmer, more controlled. Feels like the smoke from Hestia's fires. Feels like home. 

"Never expected to see you here," A voice calls out. It's deep and startling in the darkness, but you don't jump. You just open your eyes, exhale, and look to where it came from. 

The singer stands before you in the same undone white button up and black tee he performed in. He doesn't have a cig, doesn't seem to have much of any reason to be outside. He moves almost lazily, as if he doesn't even need to, just wants to, and when his gaze flicks up to meet yours, your vision fills just for a breath with every opponent you've ever faced lying at your feet. 

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" The words slip from your tongue before you can stop them. It's not his fault, the voice in your head says, he didn't mean it that way, but still, your blood is thrumming now that he's here and you want to know what he's talking about. Want to know why he thinks you wouldn't be here when there's attractive people and good bourbon and you've never seen this man before in your life. Want to know why he already seems to think you aren't civilized enough to be at a bar, why he spoke but all you heard was Zeus' voice in your memories.

"Exactly what I said. Should I be clearer?"

"Yeah, probably," you spit. Yet another person that assumes you're stupid, that you don't understand basic languages, as if you haven't been speaking them since the ancient times. As if you couldn't speak circles around him if you wanted. "Unless you want your teeth on the fucking ground."

"Good to know the stories are true." He tsks and you're filled with a strange sense of disappointment and fury, both at him and yourself. Your vision turns red at the edges and the cigarette between your fingers is crushed in your grip. He pays no mind to it, just saunters past with a lazy, swaying gait that draws your eyes to his hips and then down the long leather-clad legs. "See you around, Ares."

"That's not my fucking name," You yell after him. He doesn't respond when you shout your actual name, the one you chose, on your own, as a middle finger to the Olympians. "Get it right next time, dickwad."

He turns the corner of the alley and the streetlight catches his face just enough for you to see the smirk he wears. For once in your life, you're torn; you want to smash his face in, yes, because how dare this random guy speak to you like that when you could kill him with one finger to the right pressure point. You also find your skin's hotter than usual, stretched too thin over your bones, and you want him to run his hands over you until it feels right again.

Until it feels like it did when he was singing. 

How did he know my title?

The thought comes unbidden, days later, with the desperate hit of a palm against your shoulder. You've got the woman in a headlock, patiently waiting for her to pass out completely so the fight can be called, and your mind is wandering. 

How did the singer know who you are? You hadn't thought anything of it at the time, distracted by fury and frustration, but with time comes a special kind of clarity. You've never seen him before, not that you know anyway, yet he didn't hesitate to call you Ares. The only ones who know of your kind are your kind, but you haven't seen any of your siblings among mortals in a long time. You thought you knew the other gods and goddesses, but maybe not. It has been a while since you stepped foot in the golden city.

The woman in your grip goes slack and you release her. You're still lost in thought as the ref calls the match and leads you out of the makeshift ring. The cheers of the audience are background noise at this point, akin to static or the buzz of electricity, and you pay them no mind as you head to collect your winnings. You didn't even get any kind of buzz from success this time, too immersed in the way the singer walked and talked and looked. The image of his smirk is burned into your retinas. 

"Yeah, you didn't hear? He just got out of the hospital. They had to keep him overnight because they thought he might puncture a lung. I heard that if it had been a little worse, they would've had to wire his jaw shut." You stop, fingers brushing over the stack of bills you don't even remember being handed. You look up, making eye contact with the guy whispering nearby. Your suspicions are confirmed when his friend smacks his arm and juts his chin in your direction before they both disappear into the crowd. 

You shove your way outside, frustration creeping through you and coloring your vision. You manage to keep it contained long enough for you to make it to the alley behind the warehouse, but it explodes from you in a rush of thrown dumpsters and sheet metal. 

Fuck , you never meant to hurt him like that. You told him, you fucking told him to yield, it isn't your fault he didn't listen. It's not your fault that he went and insulted you, acted like he was better than you just by virtue of being a dude, as if you weren't worshipped in the old days for the power you had and the blessings you could give. You'd held back, through all of it, you'd told him to yield, and he insulted you. It wasn't your fault. 

You slide to the ground, running a shaking hand through your hair. It isn't your fault , you repeat. You close your eyes and take deep breaths, the way Hestia taught you, willing the fury to dissipate. It's like a fire in your veins, burning and bubbling your skin until you can't resist anymore. You take another breath. It isn't your fault. You tried. You offered an out. It isn't your fault. Fuck, what was his name? 

With a growl that quickly morphs into a scream, you kick the dumpster once more before stalking off into the darkness. You need a fucking drink and you're gonna find a distraction in someone else if it's the last thing you do. 

The club is packed when you get there; you're not usually a fan of clubs like this, too full of people who are too friendly, but they're perfect for nights like tonight. You don't even need to wait in line, just slip the bouncer a 50 as you pass, and the bartenders are quick to spot you. You're pretty notorious in the city for over-paying, which means you're knocking back bourbon before you have a chance to ask for it. There are people everywhere, pressed up against both sides of you while the bass thrums in your throat, and it takes you longer than you're proud of to realize why. 

There's a band playing, apparently. They're not bad; the vocalist isn't anything like the singer from Suho's, but it doesn't make you want to tear your ears off, so you consider it a success. 

You're dancing before you remember deciding to. Everything's a blur when you get the itch in your bones, the need to make someone bleed. To feel something that isn't rage or condescension. People are even closer here on the dance floor, suffocating in their proximity, but there's a woman grinding her ass into you, and it sparks the dying fire in your gut. The beat of the music drowns your own heart, and it's all flashing lights and heat and a body pressed against yours that is all too willing.

She follows when you go back to the bar for another drink, and giggles when you lick salt from her wrist before downing tequila. Her hands are wrapped in the leather of your jacket as she kisses you, your own resting lightly on her hips. She laughs against your lips and says something you don't hear before ordering another drink. Something makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

You take the brief reprieve to look around the club, searching for whatever it is that has you on alert. You find him on the upper level of the club, leaned over the balcony with a drink in hand. You can't make out his expression, exactly; it's too far away and too guarded. But you'd know him anywhere now. The singer knocks back whatever's in his glass, eyes never leaving yours. You don't know why he's here, if he comes here often or if the Fates are having a laugh at your expense, but you do know you want to make the most of it.

The girl is back, pressing a heated kiss to your lips and drawing your attention from him. You return it, nipping at her lips and getting a small gasp in return. You smirk and bite your way down her neck. She's breathy in your ear, hitched moans lost in the beat of the music, but you barely hear her as you suck bruises into the skin of her neck. He's still watching you. His drink is gone and he's gripping the bannister of the balcony, rings glinting in the light. You wonder if the cool metal could soothe the burn in your bones. You want to know if he can bring that calmness from before back, if he can soothe the frenzy in your mind with his hands the way he can with his voice. Just imagining it has you soaking through to your jeans.

The girl makes a particularly loud noise in your ear and you're brought out of your thoughts. As if he can sense it, the singer straightens. He gives you one last look before disappearing back into the crowd, and you wonder if you're imagining the disdain in it. You draw back from the girl's neck, about to tell her to find her friends when she slides her hands in your hair and tugs.

The burn in your blood is back, now, and you hope this girl is prepared for what awaits her.

"You're here early," Suho says when he spots you in the nearly empty bar the next night. He's not wrong, either; you skipped the fights tonight completely. There was no buzz last time, no relief, and you have no reason to believe there would be tonight. Not with the way the singer captivates your thoughts. 

Besides, you have enough money leftover from the previous few to last a couple days.

"What, did you decide not to kick someone's ass before getting wasted?" Suho doesn't wither at the look you give him, just pours you a couple fingers of bourbon and slides the glass over. "Or did they just stop letting you in completely?"

"I might change my mind if you don't shut up," You tell him. There's no real heat behind it. You've known Suho for years now, been coming to his bar for so long it almost feels like home. You're almost friends at this point. 

It helps that he knows when to bite his tongue so he doesn't get his teeth knocked out.

"Seriously though, I don't think I've ever seen you here this early. Especially not on mic nights." You're very careful in your lack of a reaction to his words. You'd seen the workers setting up for it when you came in, and even if you hadn't, you know when mic night is. You've spent enough time avoiding it.

"Does he sing every time?" You ask in lieu of an explanation. You don't look away from the amber liquid in your glass, letting the silence hang as the bartender does his best to follow your thought process. 

"Taehyung? Most weeks, yeah. It's been a nice change from the usual drunken karaoke. He goes around to some of the other places in town, too. Apparently he just likes to sing." 

"Taehyung," You repeat. The name rolls from your tongue a bit awkwardly. It's more than you expected, somehow, but you can't place exactly how . Just...more. "Is he always that good?"

"Oh, yeah. We have regulars now for mic night because of him. He's got a whole fan club and everything."

"Hm." You drain the rest of your bourbon and Suho refills it. He leaves you in peace then, serving some others that appear at the bar. 

The place fills faster than you can blink. That's what it feels like, anyway. It's like one moment there's you and a handful of other people scattered around, and now you're being jostled between some dude a million feet tall that definitely doesn't look old enough to be here and a girl with her tits up to her throat and surrounded by a cloud of perfume so thick that it starts a migraine behind your eyes almost instantly. She flirts with Suho a little, likely trying to score free drinks, and you roll your eyes. She pouts at him when he gives her the total, batting eyelashes that go on for miles, and for once, you wish Suho would just give in and comp the drinks. 

"I'll pay for them," You say. She was definitely saying something, maybe you should have been paying attention to it, but fuck , this migraine is only getting worse the longer she stands there. "I'll pay for your drinks."

"Oh, thanks," She says. Her smile is hesitant, and quickly turns apologetic as she takes in the boots and the ripped jeans and the leather jacket. "Um, I'm not...I don't, uh…"

"Do I look like I want to fuck you, sweetie?" She looks a little affronted and a laugh escapes you. You lean closer, letting your breath ghost over her cheek as you speak in her ear to be heard better. "If I wanted to fuck you senseless, you'd know it. And I can guarantee you it would be a hell of a lot better than the watered down rat piss this guy's giving you." 

When you lean back, her face is flushed and she's stammering. You smirk and hand her the drinks she'd ordered. 

"Too bad you’re not, you don’t, huh?" You tell her. The patronizing tone isn't lost on her, nor is your mockery of her earlier words, and she shuts her mouth with an audible click before strutting off. Suho glares at you as he pours more bourbon.

"Can you please try not to run off my patrons?" He mutters. "Some of us actually need money to live."

"Some of us would like decently timed refills and to not choke on perfume," You quip. "And better bourbon, for that matter." He hisses something about what he's giving you being top quality but you tune him out, throwing one leg over the stool Perfume Girl vacated. You'd like to keep just a little bit of personal space. 

Across the bar, you catch a brief glimpse of the girl from the night before and you wince. Her neck is thoroughly bruised, and you catch a peek of bruises and scratches on her back as she shrugs her jacket on. You didn’t mean to be so rough with her, even if she had been into it; you’re usually pretty good about remembering that the mortals are just that - mortal - and as such have to be handled delicately. They’re so fragile, it feels like they could break with a strong wind. Guilt settles in your gut and turns the bourbon in your glass to cough syrup. You’ve half a mind to just leave before she sees you, are about to turn and do exactly that, but the speakers screech to life and the deafening feedback from the mic keeps you glued to your seat. 

The crowd quiets even as the excitement ramps up, all talk silencing but for the occasional hushed whispers here and there. The first few notes of the song echo through the speakers, and a spotlight appears on him. 

He looks different this time, his hair dyed a vibrant blue that matches the glinting jewels in his ears and on his hands. He's an absolute vision and you wonder how Aphrodite has allowed him to live so long when he's so beautiful. His voice hangs in the air and calms you, the same settling in your chest as last time, the same freedom from the burn in your veins. It's addictive. 

The song doesn't last nearly as long as you want it to but the stillness inside you lingers long after he's done caressing the microphone. You place a few bills down for Suho and light up a cigarette as you head outside, ignoring the dirty looks from other patrons as you do. You're on a mission, the thrum of bloodlust returning with every second that passes, and you can't even be sure if he's still around or if he's wandered off already. 

You stand in the alley for what feels like hours, turning at every sound and smoking cig after cig just so you have something to do. You've almost decided to say fuck it when footsteps sound from the back of the bar, coming closer to you. 

His blue hair is visible even from the other end of the small alley, a giveaway similar to the light at the end of your cigarette and the smoke you blow into the air. There's no way he hasn't seen you, you think, you're making no effort to hide or be sneaky, and yet he's continuing forward as if he doesn't see you at all, eyes focused on a phone in his hand. You wait until he's just a few steps away before speaking.

"How do you know my title?" You ask him. He stops as if he'd always meant to and doesn't even bother to glance up at you or respond. The edges of your vision turn scarlet at the blatant disregard and you're speaking before you can even process the words. "I asked you a fucking question, pretty boy, you're gonna answer me. Unless you want that precious mouth bloodied up."

"And you wonder how I know who you are," He drawls, still not bothering to spare a glance at you. A scowl grows over your face at his sarcastic tone. "If you're going to hit me just get it over with. Otherwise, I have places to be."

He stands, waiting and expectant, but you don't move. He's humming, quiet and to himself like he doesn't even realize he's doing it, and the red seeps away from your mind until you're left clear-headed once more. You sigh, long and heavy, and crush your cigarette into your denim-covered thigh to put it out. It tickles. 

"I'm not going to hit you," You tell him eventually. "I just wanna know how you know me. And how you do it."

He cocks a brow at that, finally looking up from the phone in his hand to level dark eyes on yours. "Do what? Sing?"

"No." You swallow around the sudden lump in your throat. The words are harder to find than you thought they'd be, lost in the depths of his gaze, in the clarity you're so unaccustomed to, in the way you feel like you can breathe for the first time in days. "I don't care how you sing, that's not important, it's the...fuck, you know what, never mind, it doesn't fucking matter." You push off the wall and step past him to head towards where the streetlight gleams off the bar windows. 

"Tell me." The command has you stopping in your tracks, and you're again flooded with just wanting to know how. How he clears the haze, how he stops you, how he makes you feel real. You turn, hands stuffed into the back pockets of your jeans. "How I do what?"

It takes you several long breaths before you can answer, and you aren't even sure he can hear you over the sounds of people leaving the bar, and you find yourself disappearing into the crowd without waiting for a response. Your own words are reverberating in your skull, getting louder with each step you take, and you wish you could just turn it off . 

"How you make me feel like a person again."

You avoid the bar for a few weeks, going hours away from your usual area to an unfamiliar hole in the wall just to make sure you don’t see him. You’re more deadly than usual in your fights, victories coming quicker, injuries piling up along with the guilt, but you can’t bring yourself to return. It’s unnerving, the way everything goes quiet around him, the way you can think, but the worst is the way you can feel. Everything’s calm and steady and blue, and it only makes it easier for the regret and the guilt and the anxiety to curl around your throat and squeeze until you can’t breathe, to clog in your throat while the laughter of your siblings echoes in your ears, and you...can’t. You can’t do that, you can’t let it win, you can’t let them win, they can’t know that you’re everything they think you are and worse. 

You can’t let yourself drown in that, and yet you find yourself back at Suho’s, lost among the crowd while Taehyung’s voice surrounds you. The ache in your bones fades away, chased by the thrum of the fight that still lingers despite the hours that have passed since you felt your opponent’s femur break under your palm and their screams echoed in your ears. Everything is calm again, and the guilt nearly drowns you.

He hasn’t even finished singing before you’re outside, chest heaving as you gasp against the weight on your chest. You broke someone’s femur , and did you even really need to? The fight itself is a blur even now, snapshots playing through your mind like a montage. The way they’d darted at you first, how their foot felt connecting with the backs of your knees, the determination in their eyes when you went down, the jolt of shock as your hands wrapped around their leg, the dull throb of a barrage of hits against your waist as you pulled them down as well and bloodied their face, the blood-curdling scream as you snapped the bone like a pretzel stick.

Your breath comes faster in your lungs, forced out by the growing guilt that lodges there in its place. Images swirl in your mind, chased by a never-ending stream of thought and regret that you should be used to by now. Fuck, you didn’t need to, and you still did it; you lost control, you fucking hurt them, and for what? A couple hundred? Was it even worth it? Who knew when they’d be back into shape to fight, what if they needed the money? They weren’t even half-bad. They got you down, at least, shouldn’t you have gone easy on them? You don’t even remember their face, can’t remember what the announcer said their name was, words drowned out by the buzz under your skin.

Metal crumples under your grip and you spare a half-second to mourn Suho’s dumpster before you slam your knuckles against it. It tingles, not even real pain, and you don’t hesitate to repeat it. By the time the metal is disfigured completely, a distorted mess of paint and steel and garbage, you still aren’t in pain, but there’s a sheen of gold across your knuckles and you feel less like you’re drowning and more like you’re suffocating. The usual. You can handle that. You think. 

You don’t even realize that you’ve slid down to the ground beside the dumpster until the back door of the bar opens and footsteps echo through the alley. You wish you knew how long you’ve been here, how long you’ve sat among empty bottles and stale beer and broken glass, but you can’t be sure. The brief reprieve brought by Taehyung’s voice is long gone, chased away by the guilt and rage that still sits heavy in your chest. You hope you’re not noticeable here, that whoever’s left will just pass by and leave you to piece yourself back together on your own. 

Voices tell you that it isn’t likely, the deep baritone of one too familiar to ignore. The other is new, but you’re familiar with the tone, the inflection, the intent behind it. You've heard it before, in crowded clubs as a guy pushes too close to some girl who can barely stand, in a coffeeshop when a random customer can't take a fucking hint, at the local campus when some professor insists that there could be maybe one thing her student could do to pass. It makes everything in you curdle, the bourbon from earlier threatening to work its way back up; it screams predator , and you absolutely refuse to let anyone fucking talk to someone like that, like they have some right to whatever it is they want. 

You refuse to let someone talk to him that way. 

"Seriously, Kratos, didn't I tell you to leave me alone? Did Aphrodite not teach you your lesson last time you harassed someone?" Taehyung's voice brings a calm that's an unsettling match to the anger washing over you. You're used to the red at the corners of your vision, the tint to everything you see, but you aren ' t used to the way it all turns purple and focused and clear . 

There's no haze this time, there's no abrupt shift of you moving before you know you've done it. You can feel the glass crunching under your boots with every step you take, can feel the way the air has a chill that creeps down into your lungs with every breath, can almost taste the apprehension that's rolling off of Taehyung despite his relaxed stance. The only thing that gives him away is the tense set of his jaw and the mix of relief and fear when his eyes land on you. 

"I'm pretty sure he said no, Kratos." The god turns at your voice and you watch the realization wash over him as he realizes what - who - you are. 

"Been a while since anyone's seen you, Ares." He scoffs a little, not moving from where he has Taehyung caged against the wall of the bar, one hand pressed firmly into the brick. He's entirely too close, and you have no doubt that the stench of him permeates the very oxygen around them. 

"Been busy. Doesn't change the fact that the man said no. Take the loss, walk away." Kratos' eyes narrow at your words and he steps away, but only to move closer to you. 

"Why do you care so much? You've never been one to care about any of us before." Kratos inches closer and the hyper-focus that Taehyung's voice causes starts to melt away with every twitch of your fingers. You've never liked Kratos, all brute strength with no respect for the challenge, no appreciation of the fight, too focused on sheer power and exhilaration. He is the worst of the worst of the worst of your kind, of all the war-focused gods. Every bit of yourself you hate is every piece that Kratos loves about himself. 

"I care that you don't seem to be able to understand when someone doesn't want to be around you, you absolute piece of filth. Taehyung had a point though, I really thought the whole thing with Aphrodite would've taught you how to back off. Or should I pull the video out, I think I still have it saved for when I need a good laugh." Malice and fury twitch across the other god's face and you absolute revel in it. You can feel his anger prickling across you, like needles in your very pores, and you ache for it. It's been so long since you last had a good fight, a real challenge where you didn't need to hold back at all. 

Too long since you fought a god like yourself.

"You're testing my patience, cousin," Kratos spits. It's a little generous to call the two of you cousins - you're several times removed, at best, and potentially closer than that with your family's warped history - but you let him have it. It might make him feel better. "I'm having a conversation, that's all. And if said conversation means that we end up back at my place, then, well, can anyone really blame me for what might happen to this pretty little m-"

Your fist connects with his jaw immediately and the red floods you for the few seconds it takes to register Taehyung calling your name. The calm struggles for a second, warring with the rage, but it wins out eventually. The singer's talking, but you can't make out any actual words. You're too focused on Kratos, the way he's righting and readying himself for a brawl. There's a fire in his eyes that matches the one in yours and everything in you feels alive for the first time in too long. 

This fight is different than your usual ones. There's no blur, no warped sense of time that usually comes with the adrenaline. You're focused and controlled in a way you haven't had to be for centuries, careful and precise and deliberate with every swing and every kick. The red seeps back in slowly and every time you think you're about to lose it, you hear Taehyung, still pressed against the wall of the bar. 

Kratos lunges at you for what has to be the tenth time, clearly trying his best to knock you to the ground - he succeeded, once; you let yourself get distracted, too caught up in thoughts, but it didn't last long - and you sidestep him just in time for him to ram into the ruined dumpster instead. He looks pissed when he turns back around and something in you sings at the sight. He makes for you again and you dodge again, only to be dragged back towards him by the grip he has on your jacket. Fuck, should've taken that off , whatever, he's too close.

Pain explodes in your side and you're fairly sure he's busted part of your rib, but you just slide your arms out of the sleeves and twist to plant your knee straight into his gut and then slam your heel down onto his much-less-safe toes, and then back up to knee him in the groin. It's nowhere near enough to take him out, but his nose is oozing golden ichor and he groans with every shift of his weight, and you've got him pinned against the wall with your forearm pressing hard into his windpipe. 

"Now, you're gonna listen to me you steaming pile of dog shit," You hiss. "When someone tells you no, it's not a fucking negotiation. It means you fucking leave and find someone with loose enough morals or enough internalized self-hatred that they're willing to subject themselves to your absolutely pitiful fucking excuse of an existence for the thirty-two seconds it'll take for you to get off." 

Kratos doesn't respond, just sneers and spits blood at you. It's a miracle you don't actually try to rip his head from his body, because the thought crosses your mind for a second too long. Instead, you just press harder against his windpipe and enjoy the choked gasp that it draws. 

"You don't stalk people either, the way you did with 'Dite. Don't you know it's better to let them come to you sometimes?" You tsk, ignoring the way he claws uselessly at your arm. Gods may not need to breathe, that's a fact, but they feel pain, and there is no way this isn't absolutely excruciating for him when even you can feel the small bones in his neck cracking and breaking. "And if I hear even a whisper of you pulling shit like this again, then I'm gonna find you, you pigshit. And when I do, I won't hold back even the slightest, and do you know what comes after that?" 

His eyes are full of fear now, and only grow wide with terror as you lean in close enough that he can feel your lips against his ear as you whisper. 

"You are going to wish that you could die." 

When you do release him, he disappears instantly, with a cloud of acrid grey-green smoke curling around your ichor-spattered boots. He's only been gone a second when you slump, the adrenaline fading as quick as Kratos had left. Your side is throbbing now, your knuckles are bruised and broken and gold, there's a pain in your leg that you aren't sure what's causing, your head is screaming even through the high of the fight, your face stings in the crisp-cool air. Every breath makes the pain worse so you stop breathing. The brick wall of the bar is rough against your palms, but it's the only thing around that can keep you upright, so you'll take it. 

"Well," a voice drawls from your left. You'd jump if you had anything left in you, but every ounce of energy is gone, spent teaching Kratos what Aretha Franklin meant when she sang about respect - and really, there was another fantastic singer, you really should visit her sometime soon - so instead your head lolls to the side. You aren't sure what it is that jolts through you when your eyes land on Taehyung, fingers curled carefully around the collar of-

Your jacket. That's your leather jacket. You barely remembers shrugging out of it, but you're glad it's not on the ground, trampled and covered in the gold spatters that decorate the rest of your body. 

"Well?" You echo, wincing at the pain it causes. You've definitely got a busted lip, that's for sure from the way it feels different and swollen, and you're pretty sure there's a head wound, too, because you don't remember there being a golden halo around Taehyung before the fight. 

"Well," He repeats, slinging the jacket - your jacket - over a shoulder. "You should get that looked at." He starts walking, making his way to the entrance of the alleyway. He gets halfway there before he stops and turns and cocks a brow. "Are you coming, or do I get to keep this?" Your jacket waves a little, as if he's wiggling it, and it makes you feel like a stray dog being lured off with treats. 

You're never going to tell anyone that it works.

Taehyung's place is as nondescript as the car he parks outside. It's a plain apartment building on the outside - looks like maybe it was a hotel back in the 1930s, based on the outdated carpeting in the lobby and the grate on the elevator he steps into. Even the hallway is plain and unassuming as he leads you to the end and uses an old, tarnished brass key on an older, more tarnished brass knob. You aren't sure what you expected, you can't even begin to guess what Taehyung is like outside of the dirty alley or the stage where he sings, can't fathom what kind of decor he could possibly have. 

What you step into isn't anything you could have guessed. It looks like he has the entire rest of the floor to himself based on what you can see, but there's also a spiral staircase tucked into a corner, bookshelves built in under each step that are filled to the brim, and a fireman's pole in another corner, so there's at least one more level above this, but something tells you both the staircase and the pole continue past that. There's artwork everywhere, pieces you recognize and pieces you don't, several van Goghs and a couple from Matisse and you think in the corner you spot an actual fucking da Vinci sketch that's supposed to be somewhere in Europe. There's a gramophone beside a top-of-the-line sound system, an entire wall that's just a record collection, books upon books, framed bits of poetry - including an actual hand-written rupi kaur, a signed Maya Angelou print, and a signed cover of ain't i a woman by bell hooks that you would die to know how Taehyung got his hands on. It's a museum's wet dream and yet it retains a lived in atmosphere. There are mugs left on tables, blankets strewn about as if someone just got up from a nap, an easel propped up by a far window with what looks like an impressionist painting of the cityscape, books tossed down half-read with receipts and coupons and candy wrappers and everything but a bookmark tucked between the pages. 

It feels like a home and it makes your heart flutter in your chest at the same time that something in your stomach shrivels up into itself. 

Taehyung walks like he’s meant to be followed, so follow you do. You spy another man - older, you think, but it’s hard to tell, really - sprawled across a couch, blanket splayed across his lap as he watches some kind of dance show on a flatscreen hung above a warm and roaring fireplace, a couple of girls in what looks to be the kitchen, one sitting on the counter while the other stands between her legs and pretends not to notice the former stealing strawberries from her bowl as she taps at her tablet, and there are footsteps creaking above you, hidden behind walls even as Taehyung leads you up the staircase. They all look up when you pass, but only the man gives you a second glance; his eyes are a weight on your back that doesn’t leave until you’re upstairs and following Taehyung into a large, rather nice bathroom. 

It’s vintage as well, but it’s spacious and well-kept, like the rest of the place. Taehyung pats the marble counter by the sink and you bite your tongue against the urge to tell him you aren’t a dog. You don’t move though, instead watching him as he lays your jacket across a brass bar on the wall and then digs around in a cabinet for a minute or two. When he straightens up, he’s got a somewhat dusty off-white box in his hands, and he frowns. 

“Up,” He says. “I need to look at your ankle.” 

You don’t move, but you can tell he doesn’t miss the twitch of your nose at the thought of being commanded like an animal. Like someone who can’t understand. Like-

He sighs. 

“Please, will you sit on the counter, so I can look at your ankle?” You huff, but you do as he says. 

He doesn’t speak as he works, completely silent except for the odd command - “Roll it for me...alright, now flex that...deep breath...stop fidgeting or I’ll only make it worse…” - and the occasional hum under his breath. It seems to be second nature, like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, and it endears you more than you’d like. His touch is gentle but firm as he lightly squeezes your ankle and wraps it, lifts your pant leg to rub some kind of cream into a somewhat worrisome golden bruise forming on your calf, darts under your shirt to quickly and painlessly set your ribs before wrapping those as well. He doesn’t say anything at all until he’s almost finished with the cuts on your hands, golden ichor long gone and wounds already on their way to healing thanks to some sort of mist he spritzes on them. 

It only stings once, as he’s spraying something over some kind of cut on your thigh where Kratos ripped through the denim there without you noticing. You can’t stop the hiss as the pain hits, though you regret it when he glances up at you. 

“Sorry,” He mumbles under his breath as he dabs lightly at it with his long fingers. 

“It’s fine,” You tell him. “I’m used to it.” Your voice is rough, always, but softer than usual. You don’t know why. You can’t decide if you like it.

The entire time he works, you wait. For him to tell you it wasn’t necessary, that he can fight his own battles, that he’s not surprised a brute like yourself got into a fight, that you’re no more than what the rumours say you are. You’ve got a million different curses and insults ready to spit back at him when he finally speaks.

“Thank you,” is what comes. It shocks the words out of your mouth, and you actually look up from where you’ve been watching him methodically wipe gold away from a scrape on your forearm. His gaze is concentrated on the injury and his lips are pursed and you wish you could figure him out. 

He must take your silence for the confusion it is, because he continues. 

“I mean it,” He says. “I’m usually not someone that lets other people fight for me, but we both know that I couldn’t have taken Kratos. He’s too strong, and he was counting on that. Until you showed up.” You don’t respond. “Is there a reason you left before my set was done? Or why you were sitting in an alley beside what is possibly the most gnarled dumpster I’ve ever seen?”

You don’t answer him, instead focusing on the way his hands feel as they tilt your chin so he can look at the cuts and bruises and scrapes that decorate your face. You focus your gaze just past his shoulder, content to memorize the pattern of his gaudy vintage bathroom wallpaper, and he doesn't press for more. The distracted humming picks up again every time he stops talking, and eases the storm of guilt shame rage pain hurt grief loneliness in your chest. 

"I fight," you eventually say. Your voice is too loud in the quiet of the bathroom, shatters the silence like a sledgehammer, and you hate the way it trembles. Still, Taehyung doesn't look away from where he's carefully wiping gold from your skin, just cocks a brow, and it's as if a dam breaks in your throat. "Like, real fights. Actual competition, with rules and shit, and...sometimes the bad ones, because they tend to fight differently, it's a different kind of fight, y'know, and it's never really fair, because I'm...I'm me, but I hold back, just for fun, y'know, and it's, uh. It's alright usually, I go in, do my thing, I win, I go drink, and it all gets, I dunno, easier, maybe, for a while, like I can think right, but, um.”

You hesitate for a split second and force yourself to focus on the way the alcohol-soaked cotton tickles the cut on your head. 

“Sometimes it's not...sometimes I can't control it as well, the anger, and I kind of just lose it on people, and a while ago this guy, he almost needed his jaw wired shut, but he was kind of a prick anyway, I guess, so whatever, but, uh, today, I...there was this girl and she was doing really well, actually, y'know, managed to get me down to the mat, which is rare and pretty impressive, and I'm pretty proud of her for it now, but then, I just. I just kinda lost it, like, I just kept swinging, I couldn't stop, and then I just...I broke her leg, for no real reason, just because I wanted her to hurt, and I don't...I'm not sure why I even did it, because I'd already won, right, like what was the point of doing any more, it wasn't even helping at that point, y'know, it's not like the buzz kept up any longer because I broke this kid's leg, and I love the fights, they help clear my head for a second, but I never wanted to actually-"

You words stop short, like there are too many of them to say in too short a time, and it's then you realize Taehyung's hands are in his lap and he's looking at you fully. His expression isn't neutral anymore, it's not the carefully crafted mask of a performer, it's real and open and genuine and all you see there is pain . For you. Pain and understanding and compassion you never expected to find anywhere but the deepest corners of your soul. Looking at him looking at you like that makes you feel like you can breathe again.

"You never wanted to hurt anyone." His voice is rough, like maybe there's emotion clogging his throat as well, and you aren't sure what that does to you, but something in you jumps at the thought.

Tears mar your vision as you nod and you curse under your breath before wiping them away. He catches your quivering hand in his and just holds it for a second. His eyes don't leave yours and there are a thousand things you expect him to say but what he says is: 

"I believe you."

And that...it's more than you can take, and you break, right there on his bathroom counter, sobbing into his chest while he just rubs your back and hums and you remember the face of every person you've ever hurt and the look in their eyes as you left some of them for dead. 

You wake up the next morning curled up on the most comfortable chaise lounge in human history, sitting up and shoving the blanket off of you in a rush before you remember where you are, why you're there. A glance around tells you that you aren't alone; there's two guys bent over a table that you think might also be a tablet, conversing quietly and pointing every so often at whatever they're looking at, a girl balanced along the edge of the staircase holding a lyre - which, wow, you haven't seen a lyre in that good condition in a while - and strumming lightly along it before she frowns and shakes her head and restarts whatever melody she's playing, and the same guy sprawled over the couch with a blanket strewn haphazardly over him while he watches a different dance video on the flatscreen. He's the closest and you don't really want to talk to any of these people but you think you might have to because you aren't really sure how Taehyung got you here last night but you know it was quite a drive. You'd just mist over to the bar if you really wanted to, but your ribs hurt like a bitch still thanks to that fucker Kratos. Anything as intense as misting is out of the question for the time being.

The man on the chaise spares you a glance that feels longer than it should, full of a judgement you have no doubt you deserve and yet somehow fires your anger anyway. 

He rolls his eyes before you even say anything and waves a hand towards the kitchen. You snap your mouth closed and shoot him an irritated look, but you storm in that direction anyway. Healing is exhausting, and you want nothing more than some meat to tear into and a cold beer. 

When you get into the kitchen, however, Taehyung is standing there already, as if he’s been expecting you any minute. There’s a plate in front of him, full of food you barely recognize, and he slides it towards you. 

“Eat,” He says. You grit your teeth, unmoving, and he sighs again. “Please sit, and eat. You need the strength to heal properly.” 

You resist for a split second, but there’s a softness to him now. Something you can’t exactly put your finger on, but that you know is different , somehow, and it changes things. It makes you want to listen, to do as he asks, because he is asking . He’s not telling, he’s treating you like an animal. 

It’s a request, not a demand, and that makes all the difference. 

Taehyung is quiet while you eat. He doesn’t look at you, doesn’t watch to make sure you’re doing it, but you have no doubt he’s keeping an eye on you. It’s quiet, but not unbearably so; the air is broken by the sounds of the lyre and the television, as well as the soft chattering of the men at the table. It makes it comfortable, makes it soft in a way you’re unaccustomed to being, like the way people talk about lazy Sunday mornings or that voice they get when they see a cute animal.

It feels like home should be, instead of what yours is. 

“So why’s Pretty Boy giving me the death glare?” You eventually ask past a mouthful of food. Taehyung barely looks up, just glancing past you to the guy laying on the couch. You can feel his eyes boring into your spine, but it’s nothing new. 

“Taemin’s just protective,” Taehyung says softly. “Especially considering the stories.”

“The ones about me, you mean.”

A myriad of emotions passes through his eyes when he nods, and you wish you could more easily decipher them. Maybe in time, you will. 

Maybe.

“Those, yes,” He says softly. “But he’ll learn.” He doesn’t say it, but nonetheless, you hear the words as clear as day. Just like I did.  

Someone hums behind you and you glance over to see a woman - the strawberry thief - making her way into the kitchen. She gives Taehyung a look you don’t care enough to figure out, and they have an entire conversation in the span of five minutes. Something about it irks you, and it only gets worse when they start moving around each other, Taehyung handing her things without her asking. 

It’s ridiculous, and you know it, but the air gets heavy in your lungs and your head starts to swim and suddenly you’re suffocating. It’s too much, there’s too much here, and you can’t take it anymore. 

The force with which you shove away the counter would have slammed it into the wall were it not already attached. There are slight cracks in the granite tops, though, and there’s just enough clarity as Taehyung calls your name for you to feel guilty about it. It’s not enough to stop you though; you have to get out, you need to get out, before you do something worse, and the cracks in the granite are proof of that. 

You’re out the door in an instant, your form coalescing painfully back into solid matter as you reach the hallway. Your ribs ache, screaming with the effort of trying to mist away from this place, this home , and you lean against the wall in the hope that it will help steady you. 

The door opens behind you, the creak of the old hinges deafening in the silence of the hall. There’s a commotion behind it, voices overlapping each other and reverberating in your skull until they’re a twisted mockery of your siblings. 

You stumble down the hall, one hand clutching your ribs to keep them as still as possible despite your movement. It’s not lost on you that there are footsteps following you, but you can’t focus on them now. You’re not moving fast, and you need to be, you should be running , but you can’t. Your vision is already clouding slightly at the edges, the sudden spike of adrenaline waning now that you’re out of the apartment. 

Someone says your name and you swing. 

It’s instinct, the way your fist flies through the air; you can’t control it, not this, not when the red is all you can see even as it seeps away and turns lilac. It doesn’t matter anyway. You don’t make contact with anything but the wall, plaster crumbling around your fist and onto the carpeted floor. 

“That was rude,” Taehyung says softly. He doesn’t sound mad, though he should, considering you almost decked him straight in the nose. “I’ll take you back.”

He drapes your jacket over your arm and walks away, toward emergency stairs tucked into the corner instead of the elevator, and you follow. He hums as he goes, and he lets you lead the way down the stairs, keeping pace with your quick steps until both of you step out a side door into an alleyway. 

Out of habit, more than anything, you light a cigarette and put it between your lips. You don’t miss the disgusted scrunch of Taehyung’s nose, but you do ignore it. The smoke is familiar in lungs, comforting, and he doesn’t understand it, won’t ever understand it, but he doesn’t have to. 

“Sorry, Tae,” You say after a few minutes of silence. Taehyung shrugs one shoulder and moves to lean beside you against the stone of the building. 

“Are you okay now?” You nod, taking a deep breath, remembering how Hestia had taught you, so long ago, how her hand felt against your chest, the warmth and love it held. “Then you’re forgiven. And you can call me Calliope, if you want.”

You’re both quiet after that. He doesn’t make fun of you, he doesn’t judge you, he just silently drives you back to Suho’s bar, which is when you remember that he doesn’t know where you live. You’re fine with it; you don’t want to see him in your run down hovel. It’s not much, especially compared to his own apartment, but that makes sense, too. 

What could ever live up to the home of a Muse? Not even a muse, really. The Muse. The Head of the Nine Muses, the one called on most often by those in need, the one that everyone knew, the one that Hephaestus just put statues of in the gardens of Olympus, according to the rumors that Apollo sent you. 

The calm that he brings lasts until you get back to your apartment, nearly ten full minutes after you disappear into the alley beside Suho’s bar. It’s the longest the calm has ever lasted, and the view of the city tinted lavender is one you think you love. 

If you can love. 

Things get clearer, somehow. The weight on your shoulders lessens, makes you feel less like Atlas and more like you, how you were all those years ago in the now-ancient days when things made sense. When people fought for honor and glory and justice more than they fought for oil and death and greed. 

It could be because open mic nights are frequent around the city, and you’re able to figure out his schedule pretty well. You don’t go every night that he sings, just when it gets to be too much, when the scarlet haze starts to bleed into your irises like a flag in front of a bull. It helps, for a while, lets you settle long enough to pull the pieces of you back into a shape that vaguely resembles yourself. 

It could be because the fights happen every night, and Taehyung is no stranger to where to look to find them. He watches every one that he can, when he isn’t singing, and his presence anchors you. Focuses you, so that you can pull your punches just enough, so that there’s less hurting and more fighting. It doesn’t work every time, you still lose yourself in the rage and do more damage than you ever mean to, but it helps enough. And when it doesn’t, he’s there, to slide a hand across your shoulders in that exact same way that Hestia used to, that Apollo might if you let him close enough to know you’re alive, that Artemis would , were she anywhere but where she is. 

It’s a strange feeling. You’re not used to companionship, you don’t know how to have friends. You still say the wrong things and do the wrong things and he still speaks to you like he expects to be listened to, but you both are learning. You apologize more often, and he corrects himself quicker. It’s a slow, fragile thing, this friendship, but it’s there. 

Until the night when it’s not. 

You aren’t sure how it happens. It’s been weeks since you last saw Taehyung; he mentioned some project he was working on, something or another that would have most of his attention along with that of several of the other Muses. You had brushed it off when he said it, some snide remark about how you don’t need him there to win. 

You would take it back if you could. 

Because you were right, of course, you don’t need him there to win; you can do that on your own. And your control has gotten better, stronger, over the last few months, but complacency is what always leads to disaster. 

The guy deserved it, is what you tell yourself as you’re pulled out of the ring. He was a piece of shit anyway, you remind yourself as you call Apollo with shaking hands. He didn’t deserve your mercy, you tell the golden gold after you’ve begged him to help save the man’s life. Artemis would have done the same, you insist to him, long after he’s hung up the phone and left to follow the ambulance to the hospital. 

You don’t go to Suho’s. You can’t bear it, not when he might be there, not when he would read it on your face in a heartbeat. You don’t want to watch the disappointment crumble into something more familiar, something worse, you can’t watch him look at you with the knowledge that your siblings are right, that they’ve always been right, that you’re nothing better than a crazed animal. 

The club is packed full when you get there. The bartender starts to pour you a drink and you just take the bottle, leaving a too-thick wad of bills in return. The bourbon tickles as it goes down but it warms your stomach and distracts you from the haze in your mind, the repetitive beat of they were right they were right they were right they were-

“Whoops, sorry,” someone says, a second before they knock into your shoulder. You’ve been around long enough to know a fake fall, and you scowl as you glance towards them. 

He’s cute. Taller than you, with skin that would hide the marks you so love to create, and hair that looks like it would be soft in your hands. His clothes fit well, and they look like they were chosen for comfort over style despite the way he walks like a model in them, which you always find attractive. 

The smile that slips onto your face is familiar, as is the way you bring your hand up to rest on his hip in an effort to steady him. 

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” You tell him, not being subtle in the way you eye him. He looks soft; you love them soft. “You headed to get a drink?”

“I might be,” He says teasingly, a coy grin forming on his lips. 

“I’ve got something better, if you’re interested.”

His eyes roam along your body, his breath drawing somewhat quicker when he notices the scrapes on your knuckles. “I might be.”

It takes five minutes to get him to a corner quiet enough to talk. Less than three to get your lips on his. One and a half to start sucking a mark into his neck that makes him moan so pretty you can’t help but want to hear it again. 

One of your hands is up his shirt, playing with the pebbled buds and the metal pierced through them, while the other teasingly massages the skin of his hip when he’s torn away from you roughly. 

“What the fuck?” Your voice growls as you look up. The guy is standing there, looking for all the world like he’s ready to run, but he isn’t watching you. 

No, his eyes are on a familiar sight; Taehyung, his hair now a pretty lavender that makes you think of a home you don’t have, even as he doesn’t look at you. 

“Taken,” He growls, releasing the collar of the guy you had every intent to make cry with pleasure. The guy scurries off before you can stop him, though, and you don’t bother to hide your disdain. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” You demand, already lighting a cigarette as you head outside. Taehyung follows, pulling it from between your lips and crushing it in his hands before you have the chance to get your lighter out.

“Me? You looked like you were about to eat him .” He follows you all the way to the street outside and down the sidewalk, pulling each cigarette out of your hands before you can light it. He waits until you’re a decent distance from the crowd outside the club before he stops you, one hand lightly encircling your wrist. 

Your boots scuff against the ground as you stop, not turning to look at him. You’re too afraid to, too worried he’ll see it all on your face and just know that you’ve fucked up, maybe beyond repair. 

“Apollo called me,” is what he says instead. “Said I might want to find you tonight.”

You should’ve known. That little fuck, of course he would rat you out. 

“I didn’t-” 

The words choke in your throat. You want to say you don’t need him. You don’t need him to come running like you’re some scared little girl who can’t control her strength, you don’t need him to piece you back together because you aren’t broken, you don’t need him because you don’t need anyone, you never have. 

“I know you didn’t,” Taehyung says quietly. “I know he deserved it, I know what he did, and I know you didn’t mean to.”

Something inside of you breaks and you find yourself shaking. 

“He hurt her , Tae, I heard it, I heard her telling her friend about it on the phone, I saw her crying, I saw her clothes, okay, he-”

“I know,” Taehyung says, pulling you into a loose hug. “I know you did, it’s okay. He’s going to be okay. He’s not gonna escape his punishment from that, you didn’t send anyone to Hades today. It’s okay.”

The cloud struggles, for what feels like hours. Guilt settles like lead in your stomach, and you wish you weren’t so used to the feeling. The rage returns every time you remember what that girl looked like, what she sounded like on the phone, how you felt when you realized it was your competitor who had done that to her. 

There’s no honor in that. There’s no justice, no glory, in beating an opponent who was never aware they were in the ring, and it makes your blood boil all over again. Taehyung’s voice soothes you, slightly, makes the edges of your vision turn indigo, but it isn’t enough. 

It’s never enough. 

“I have to go,” You say, pulling yourself away from him. “I need- I have to find-”

“A distraction,” He finishes for you, too aware that you can’t find the words you need. “Some mortal that you can bruise and break and bang until you feel less like a monster?”

That’s exactly what you want to do, what you had been about to do with that guy at the club, and it’s only Taehyung’s voice calling your name in that soft, sweet way of his that makes you wonder if that’s not a good plan. 

“I’ll be a distraction, if you need one.” You whip your head around, staring at him, but he doesn’t flinch. “I’m sturdier than the mortals, I can take more. Let me be your distraction.”

“I…” You hesitate. You don’t know why. You shouldn’t even be entertaining this idea, it’s not a good one, but then...when have any of your ideas been good? “I can’t fuck in a house with eight other people.”

“You have an apartment,” He says easily. “Let’s go there.”

It’s a bad idea. You don’t do that, you don’t fuck people at your apartment, you don’t have people in your apartment, it’s your space. It’s a bad idea, it can only end in disaster. 

“Okay.”

Taehyung’s lips are soft against yours, yielding and pliant just the way you’re used to. His hands are big and warm against your ass, even through your jeans, and the feeling gives you the courage to slide your own under the ridiculously patterned button-down he’s wearing. 

He lets you lead the way through the door, kicking it closed behind you with slightly too much force. Your apartment is small, a studio with a bed tucked in the corner for the rare times that you need it. 

You push Taehyung onto it and slide yourself onto his lap, already grinding down onto the hard length you can feel there. He's not quite as enthusiastic, but his fingers are like steel against you, pulling you down with every rut of your hips. 

This, you can do. This, you're familiar with. 

You push on his shoulders, doing your best to get him on his back so you can have better access to the clasp of his jeans, but he resists. You try again, firmer, using a harsh suck against his skin as a distraction, but he still doesn't go. 

Frustrated, you pull back. 

"Not like this," He says. His voice clears some of the fog, and you frown. 

"Do you want to be on top, then? Because I don't mind, I just need it," You tell him. He sighs a little, but he flips the two of you over so he's kneeling between your open legs and your back is cushioned against the mattress. 

"How long has it been since you spent the night with someone who knows who you are?" He asks, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he sits back on his knees. 

You shift, uncomfortable. "A while. Why does that matter? Just fuck me."

"No," Taehyung says, voice gentle but firm. You cock a brow at him and move to get out from under him, but he stills you with a hand on your thigh. 

"You are a goddess," He tells you, trailing his hands down so he can undo the laces on your steel-toe boots and slide them off. "You have held Victory in your palms and set her free." 

His palms burn through the denim on your thighs, but you welcome it as he slides your jacket over your shoulders to the bed beneath. 

"You are the winner of wars. You are the one who grants battlefield wishes. You are the dead's escort to Hades." He leans down, pressing a soft kiss against your cheek and then down your throat. 

He pulls back as he gets to your collarbone, eyes blown wide with unfamiliar desire, and it makes your breath catch in your throat.

"You," Taehyung tells you, with desire in his eyes and belief in his voice, "Deserve to be treated like the goddess that you are, with the respect you have earned, and the care you deserve." 

As often as you fuck people, it's been a very long time since anyone wanted to fuck you for any reason beyond your appearance and the personality you show them. But this? This look in the muse's eyes as his hands settle on your knees as he waits? 

Taehyung wants to fuck you because you're you. Not despite it, not because he doesn't know . He has seen you at your worst and yet he keeps coming back, keeps showing up as you fall apart. Each time he stays, hands you a basket so you can pick the pieces of yourself up off the ground, holds the tape so you can mash it back together, and is ready to help steady you when you start to crumble again. 

He's here for you , to treat you in a way no one has ever treated you before. He's your friend.

He cares.

You nod, however tentatively, and his lips are on yours in an instant. They're firmer now, less pliable and more controlling, but you don't mind. Not this time. 

Not with Taehyung. 

His hands don't hesitate as he strips you both of your clothes, but you can feel it each time he checks to make sure you're okay. The way that he watches your expression, the tense of your muscles under him, the cadence of your gasps for air between kisses, he reads all of it as clear as if it's a book in front of him. He slows down before you can stop him, his lips drawing back from the kisses he draws across your thighs, and he speeds up as your thoughts start to drift, swiping his tongue and two fingers through your folds to tease and bring your attention back to him. 

His fingers bury themselves in your heat, crooking slightly to brush against that soft part of you that makes the world spin, and it's all too intense. His lips are hardly even touching your skin, just pressing gentle kisses against the skin of your thigh, a gentle complement to the way he glides his fingers in and out of you, slow and steady and delicious, but it's absolutely intoxicating. 

He's talkative, too; he gives you constant praise. He tells you how well you take his fingers, how good you look with his fingers inside you, how absolutely fantastic you taste on his tongue, how he'd live between your thighs if he could. 

It's too much, and you can't be sure why, not when your orgasm is approaching quicker than it ever has, not when your walls clench around him and you soak your sheets, not when he's cleaning your cum off his fingers with his tongue.

"Good," He purrs. "Now you're all warmed up." 

His mouth hits your heat without hesitation or warning, before the aftershocks are even finished, and your hips buck upwards. His arms slide underneath your thighs only to grip them and bring them back down. You can't move much in his grip except to grind your pussy against his mouth, which he seems to enjoy, if the muffled grunts that escape him are any indication.

He doesn't stop until his tongue is buried inside you with one finger drawing lazy circles on your clit and you're cumming again, hands gripping the soft strands of his hair so tight that you would be afraid of pulling it out if you could focus on anything besides the feel of him against you.

He lets you ride the aftershock, this time. Waits until your pants die down slightly, until you're back in your mind. 

"Good?" He asks you. His voice is deeper, rumbles instead of slides, but it breaks through the post-orgasm haze long enough for you to nod. “More?”

“More,” you agree, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders and pulling him into a heated kiss. You haven’t been this clear-headed in a while. Every sensation is clear and crisp, every sound heightened, everything is simultaneously more while also being exactly what it’s always supposed to have been. 

Taehyung’s cock is everything you could have expected from a muse; thick, long, beautiful, and it fills you in a way that’s indescribable as he slides inside. He groans at the feeling, deep and throaty and beautiful, and begins his thrusts nearly immediately. 

It’s as slow as he was with his fingers; steady and forceful, but unhurried. As if he wants to take his time. As if he wants to savor it. Savor you . 

“Do you have any idea how amazing you are?” He mutters, almost as an afterthought. “What you look like right now, what you look like when you’re fighting, when you’ve won and you’re triumphant? It’s fucking addictive, seeing that confidence in you.”

“Shit, Tae, don’t stop-”

“It’s so fucking intoxicating,” He groans, pace quickening. Your arms wrap around him more fully, nails like claws down his back as you arch your back to get him deeper. “You get this look in your eyes, like you can do anything you fucking want to, and it’s so fucking brilliant, because you can , you can do anything and everything you ever fucking want to do, and no one can stop you.”

A whine you’ll never admit to escapes your throat, and Taehyung drives his cock further into you. 

“Let go, my sweet,” Taehyung purrs in your ear. “Let yourself relax, just this once. For me.”

His hand touches your clit and it’s so much, too much , you’re feeling everything so intensely that it takes a solid minute to realize you’re coming down from an orgasm. Taehyung has stilled inside you, unmoving but groaning as you flutter around him, and you push weakly at his shoulder. 

He slides himself out of you, looking entirely too proud of wet spot underneath you and glistening against his lower stomach. You wobble your way up to rest your elbows underneath you, and it’s like he can sense your words before they come. 

“No,” He says simply. “I don’t you to get me off with your mouth.”

“A hand then? I don’t want you to leave unsatisfied.” 

A frown pulls at the corner of his mouth, and he leans down just enough that your lips are almost touching, a not-there kiss that you can only wish for. 

“In what world is fucking you to the point of Elysium unsatisfying?”

The crowd around you is deafening; some of them are cheering for you, but the majority are rooting for your downfall. Such is the life of a challenging the champion, you suppose. 

You don’t know how Taehyung found this place; maybe Artemis had heard rumors, or maybe he searched for it himself. You can’t bring yourself to care, not when you’ve got someone worth fighting on the other side of the arena. 

The sand crunches beneath your feet. It’s hot, hotter than it should be since you’re still wearing your signature jeans and boots - without the jacket this time. You learned from that mistake. 

Your vision tints pink as you size up your opponent; he’s massive, not one to be easily defeated, and you relish the challenge. It’s been so long since you’ve fought a giant. Excitement thrums under your veins as he turns to you. He scoffs. 

If you had a little less control, you might be flying across the arena already. He clearly has no idea who’s standing across from him. Probably thinks you’re some demigod, come to challenge him for the fleece he isn’t supposed to have. 

He’ll learn. 

Something moves in the distance. It should blend in, considering how dark it is, but instead it draws your eye, and you don’t even question why. You would recognize him anywhere, have recognized him everywhere, and his presence calms you. Makes you remember a few nights ago, falling into bed in a hotel in Rome because the burn was to much and you needed him to help you release it. 

“Try not to be too quick, princess,” The giant across from you huffs. You cock a brow and send a look to your muse, who just rolls his eyes, despite the smile playing across his face. 

Violet rings your vision as you ready your stance. The announcer yells something that’s lost over the noise of the crowd. Taehyung leans forward, elbows on his knees, excitement and pride in his eyes. 

The giant swings. 

[kyanmapng]

I was curious, so I just looked through episode 13 without subs and I feel like nothing really happened in it. Literally, the synopsis for this episode is: 'Jug being sad, because people know how she used to look like before, but then Suho tells her she's herself anyway, so she shows up at school again without makeup and everything is alright'.

Like... you want to tell me, that the girl who was feeling worthless all her life because of her looks, who was always compared to her prettier siblings, bashed by her mother, bullied in school and had literal phobia of showing people her real face, would behave like that becuase her boyfriend complimented her?! It's even more ridiculous than Suho's flying scene!

I would understand it, if she had real progress across the episodes, but she didn't! She was still insecure, still focused only on her looks and realationship with Suho. She hasn't really changed since the beginning. And yet somehow they try to convince us, that few days after she was reminded of her terrible experiences from previous school, she's completely fine with showing her bare face. I guess the moral of this story is if you have a boyfriend, he will make all of your insecurities disappear. Because it's so good to base your selfworth on other's validation.

I'm wondering, how Jug will behave after Suho's leaving. She probably will lose all of her 'self-esteem' without him, because her whole world spins around this guy.

Also, I completely don't understand, what is even happening in this prewiev. Why does Seojun suddenly want to confess his feelings? I mean, besides the fact that screenwriters want to clown us into believing he even stands a chance... What is even the point? I know love is blind and all, but this girl never cared about you, so why do you waste your time on her? ;_____;

I won't even mention the 'let's break up' line. It's so cliche and it makes literally no difference, because when Suho comes back, Jug will immediately jump into his arms. This guy could disrespect her feelings in any way he wants and she still would choose him.

This drama is actually depressing as hell, when you think about it like this.

Anyway, Seojun still be the best boy and respectful king. Yes, honey, show this bullies their place. 👑

You are so right. They make it all come down to Suho existing and telling her she is pretty. You can’t build self-confidence on this. I also have none and trust me this would not work lol. Everyone is so dependent in this kdrama, all the lessons this is supposed to give are turned upside down. Wasn’t this supposed to be about inner beauty? Weren’t we supposed to show how bullying is wrong and how they should address it? Instead we play Clark Kent/Superman dress up, acting like make-up makes you unrecognizable. And the bullying caught on video makes everyone act like Jug is the villain? This whole classroom needed the teacher to teld them so their moral compass would register? Pls it’s so stupid it hurts.

Consistency doesn’t exist in TB. Seojun just ep ago looks at Suho with disgust when he asks him if he is going to confess, but now he suddenly wants to do that? When Jug never spared him a glance? This boy wants to ask if she is okay, while she couldn’t bring herself to do the same when he got hit by A CAR? The writers really try to make us go: “Ohh Seojun time, let’s pick up the pieces Suho left behind.” Suho needs to be out of the picture for Seojun to have a chance? By now Seojun should be the one saying that this is just not it, since he is the only one using his brain.  

Suho cares but then decides to pack it up and leave so fast. This all could’ve been tackled so much better if they stopped wasting precious time with cameos and other stuff. 

SuJug relationship had to be nurtured through 13 eps with Seojun being the glue to actually hold it together, but Seojun gets his time for 3 eps in the end? I wish they stop pushing this love triangle trope (it never was a tringle in the first place.

[dirtykpopsnaps]

Watching Dramas- Cha Eunwoo

Warnings: Slight spoilers for True Beauty

Contains: JinJin’s sister, Y/N, and why she doesn’t watch Astro’s kdramas

Requested: no

Words: 2, 055

A/N: Okay, this fic doesn’t really relate to Eunwoo much, but it also kind of does, so??🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

———————————————————————

Outside the shop window, the street is filled with people underneath umbrellas. Large drops of rain splatter the window and blur the street outside. Inside the shop, everything is nice and warm. Customers chatter happily with their friends, talking about millions of different things. “Are you serious?! You haven’t seen it? I thought everyone had at this point!” Across the table, my best friend, Hayoon, is talking animatedly. I laugh lightly, shaking my head.

“I don’t watch any of their dramas,” I tell her honestly. Immediately, Hayoon’s jaw drops open.

“None of them?! You know these people and you don’t watch their dramas?!” She asks in shock. I smile softly and laugh again.

“I see enough of them on a day-to-day basis. I don’t need to see them in my dramas, too,” I giggle.

Right now, Hayoon is talking to me about this new drama, True Beauty. She’s absolutely obsessed with it and has been following it since it aired. I listen to her talk about it, but I know that I won’t be watching it myself. Although it sounds like a nice story, the drama has one cast member that I refuse to watch...Cha Eunwoo. Also known as my brother, JinJin’s, group mate. Ever since JinJin joined Astro, I haven’t watched any of the dramas that the members star in. As you just saw, Hayoon is definitely surprised that I don’t want their dramas.

Across the table, Hayoon rolls her eyes. “Why not?,” she whines, “It’s so good!”

“I’m sure it’s a good drama, but I don’t watch them,” I say plainly, shrugging my shoulders.

“But why?! Just because you know them?” She pouts.

“Well, I kind of have a bad habit of ‘falling in love’ with characters from my dramas and stuff. I don’t wanna put myself in the situation where that character could be played by someone I know,” I shrug lightly. Hayoon sighs at me, shaking her head. “Besides, it’s weird to see them like that,”

I say, scrunching up my nose.

“But...the shows are so good!” She pouts. I nod my head lightly.

“I know they are. I just have trouble watching these guys that I know, act. I mean, I used to love watching Boys Over Flowers. It was one of my favorite dramas. I thought the little F4 were so cute. And then JinJin joined Astro, I rewatched Boys over Flowers, recognized little Moonbin and it all just went downhill from there,” I giggle. Hayoon’s jaw falls open and she stares at me.

“Do you have a crush on Moonbin?!” She asks in shock.

“Oh, God, no. I meant that all I could see was my friend as a little kid and it kinda ruined the separation between the character and actor,” I explain.

Hayoon and I talk between ourselves, picking lightly at the food we had ordered. Even as we’re finishing, Hayoon still hasn’t dropped the subject of True Beauty. “Well, I don’t care. I want you to watch it with me at the sleepover tonight,” she says.

“Hayoon, no, no. I really don’t want to,” I protest, trying to reason with her.

“No, we’re watching it. It’ll be your introduction to Eunwoo’s acting,” she smiles. I sigh defeatedly, resting my head in my hand.

“Fine, I’ll watch it. But, it’s gonna be weird,” I mumble in annoyance. Hayoon squeals loudly, doing a little dance across the table.

“You’ll love it!” She smiles, getting up and starting to throw our trash out. I help her clean up and we grab our umbrellas before leaving the shop.

Quickly, Hayoon and I make our way through the streets back to her apartment. The rain splatters loudly on our umbrellas, falling down in pools around us. By the time we get back to her apartment, my shoes are absolutely soaked. I groan in annoyance and take them off, trying to find a dry spot by the door. Hayoon opens up the door and we both head inside. For most of the night, we just goof around and talk. We watch some videos on YouTube and even some kpop game videos, like ‘Save One Drop One’ and ‘Kpop Dating Game’. It’s just a fun little sleepover.

About an hour or two before we decide to go to sleep, Hayoon shoots me a look. “Time for True Beauty,” she giggles, grabbing her laptop. Instead of watching it on TV, Hayoon decided that we should start from the first episode and watch on Viki. She opens up the site and signs in, humming happily. Once she’s on the site, she finds True Beauty very quickly and clicks on the first episode.

For the most part, the show is actually very good. It’s an interesting story and Hayoon and I keep stopping the episode to talk to one another. About halfway through the episode, Jugyeong is standing at the edge of a building. I stare at the laptop with wide eyes, not able to tear my eyes away in case I miss anything. Suddenly, someone comes onto the roof of the building and pulls her off the edge. All you can see is the outline of a guy, but I make a guess and laugh, covering my eyes. Hayoon sighs in annoyance and stops the episode. “Really, Y/N? You’re gonna miss it!” She whines.

“It’s Eunwoo! I don’t wanna watch it,” I laugh. Hayoon pulls at my hands, trying to force them away from my eyes. Finally, she just sighs and lets the episode play again. I listen instead of watching the parts with Eunwoo.

When the scene seems to have passed, I look through my fingers. “Is he gone?” I ask, watching the laptop again. Hayoon sighs, nodding her head.

“Yeah, Suho is gone,” she sighs, resting her face in her hand. I giggle at her and continue watching the show. As we watch, I realize that I like the show a lot. Just as the show is ending, I’m actually able to watch a scene with Eunwoo without feeling like cringing internally. As the credits roll, Hayoon smiles happily and pats me on the back. “See?! Eunwoo is a good actor!” She squeals. I nod my head lightly.

“That was a pretty good show. I’ll need to keep up with it,” I smile. Hayoon squeals again, throwing her first in the air.

“Yes, success!” She says.

Looking back at her laptop, Hayoon sighs. “We should go to sleep, it’s late,” she says. I yawn loudly, agreeing with her.

“That’s probably a good idea. I’ll need to go to the studio tomorrow and work,” I say, grabbing some blankets and pillows. Hayoon flashes me a throwing smile.

“The studio? As in...,” she starts. I roll my eyes at me, hitting her with the pillow.

“Yes, as in with Astro. I always sit in on their practices,” I remind her. Hayoon giggles loudly.

“Tell Eunwoo that he’s hot,” she laugh. I roll my eyes, hitting her harder with the pillow.

“Oh, shut up. I will tell him no such thing,” I groan, laying down and covering myself with the pillow. A short silence follows.

“Then...maybe tell Moonbin,” Hayoon says, bursting into a fit of giggles again. I groan, covering my ears.

“Stop talking about my brother’s group mates like that,” I whine, holding back my laughter.

—————————

In the morning, I’m woken up by a loud ringing nearby. I groan, rubbing my eyes and grope around for the source of the noise. Finally, I pick my phone off the floor and answer it without checking who it is. “Hmm?” I mumble sleepily.

“Did you just wake up, Y/N?” JinJin’s voice asks. I sigh lightly, pressing the phone closer to my ear.

“Yeah, Jin, you woke me up,” I say. He sighs at me and I hear a rustling as he adjusts the phone.

“We’ll be at the practice studio, okay?” He questions.

“Alright. I’ll get there soon,” I say. JinJin ends the call and I sigh, throwing the blankets off my body. Next to me, Hayoon rubs her eyes sleepily.

“Was that JinJin?” She asks. I nod my head lightly, grabbing the bag of clothes that I brought here before we went out to eat yesterday.

“Yeah, it was. He was just telling me that they’re heading to the studio,” I say, pulling out some random clothes and gathering them in my arms.

When I have all of my clothes, I press the bag against the wall again. I walk into the bathroom and quickly change, checking my hair in the mirror. When I come out, Hayoon is in the kitchen, looking around for some breakfast. “Do you want something before you go?” She asks, looking over her shoulder at me. I shake my head lightly.

“No. I’ll probably get food for them on the way to the studio. They almost never eat before practice,” I tell her. Hayoon smiles and pulls me into a tight hug. I hug her back and grab my bag, waving goodbye before I head out the door.

On the way to the studio, I stop by a street vendor and order some street toast. The vendor gives me a very strange look when I order 7 of the same item, but he finally just hands me the toast. I give him some money and thank him before making my way to the studio. Every once in a while, someone will stare at me as I carry all the food, but no one really talks to me. I’m able to make my way to the studio without much problem.

When I finally get to the building, I head inside and the receptionist points me to the right practice room. Everyone in the building basically knows me, so they always help me whenever I come in. I walk down the hall of practice rooms and step into the room where Astro is practicing. Thankfully, everyone is already on break, so I just walk in and set my things down. Calmly, I walk around the room and hand out the street toast. JinJin raises an eyebrow at me. “What’s this for?” He asks curiously.

“For you to eat, doofus. I figured you guys didn’t grab breakfast because you almost never do,” I sigh, rolling my eyes at him. JinJin chuckles lightly and takes the sandwich, hugging me softly.

“Thanks, Y/N, you’re the best,” he chuckles. I pull out of the hug and give the last sandwich to Eunwoo, smiling.

“And, the last sandwich is for Lee Suho,” I giggle.

At the mention of his character, Eunwoo laugh lightly. “I thought you said you don’t watch our dramas,” he asks, eyeing me and smirking. I shrug my shoulders.

“Hayoon insisted, so we watched the first episode last night,” I explain. He takes a bite out of the toast, then swallows and smiles.

“What did you think?” He says, smiling widely.

“It was...interesting. Hayoon got annoyed with me because I kept hiding my face whenever you came on. But, by the end, I was almost able to get through your scenes without cringing,” I giggle. The members all laugh loudly and Eunwoo pinches his nose, scrunching up his face.

“That’s really not comforting,” he laughs. I shoot him a bright smile.

“It was good,” I say, patting his head lightly.

Across the room, Moonbin speaks up. “So, does that mean you’ll watch some of my dramas soon?” He asks excitedly. I shoot him a skeptical look.

“We’ll have to see about that. I literally couldn’t even rewatch Boys Over Flowers because you were in it,” I remind him. Moonbin pouts, crossing his arms.

“Hey, that’s mean!” He pouts at me. I laugh loudly, walking over and pinching his cheek.

“We’ll see, Bin. Maybe we can watch together and I can hide my face in your chest whenever you’re on screen,” I laugh. He rolls his eyes, pushing out his bottom lip.

“Maybe,” he says.

Calmly, all of the members eat their street toast. After about 15 minutes, JinJin calls everyone’s attention and practice starts. I sit on the wall, watching all of them practice dance moves and singing the songs. Eh...maybe I will watch some of their dramas. ‘I’ll just have to sit down and watch with them so we can all cringe’ I think to myself. Now, *that* sounds like a plan.

[marshmallow-phd]

Stolen Stitches

Part of the EXO Mafia Universe

Genre: Mafia!AU

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader

A/N: So, technically, this came in after requests were already closed, but you hit me in the sweet spot with the mafia au and then this was the only Kyungoo request sent in. I’ve been really missing him lately so this was kind of what I needed. 

Warning: Mentions of blood, shooting, and medical stitching

**

Tap, tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Tap-Tap-Tap. Tap.

“I’m in,” Kyungsoo announced from the back seat. His heavily armored laptop balanced on his knees while four little squares cut up his screen, flickering as the cameras were hooked up to an older system. It was still good enough to give him eyes in that room.

“Good,” Junmyeon nodded, fingers on the door handle, ready to exit the vehicle. “Chanyeol, Sehun, Xiumin, and Chen with me. Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, stay here as back up. Let’s get this over with so we can go home.”

“Home to the wife?” Baekhyun teased cheekily. “Worried about her spending too much time alone with Jongin?” His implication more than apparent and Kyungsoo smacked Baekhyun on the back of the head. It hardly discouraged the con-man, making him laugh harder.

As annoying as he was, there was no harm in it. They all cared about Junmyeon’s wife, having grown attached to her when she was locked up in the penthouse for her own safety. But that was too long a story to regurgitate now.

The members Junmyeon had indicated got out of the SUV with him and headed inside the warehouse. As stoic and neutral Kyungsoo tried to keep his expression, in his chest his heart was pounding. These situations were always high stress no matter how many times he went through them.

It was supposed to be a simple negotiation. Here’s the money, here’s the guns, and everyone walks away. But people get greedy. People try to cheat. Junmyeon tried to remain honest; he tried to stick to whatever was agreed upon with no underhanded swaps. He said it made him feel less guilty about still being in this life.

“How’s it going in there?” Baekhyun asked as he played with a deck of cards, feet hanging over the seat in front of him.

“Boring,” Kyungsoo said. As far as he could tell, everything was going alright. His eyes flickered between the four screens, carefully searching for any possible sabotage or betrayal.

Baekhyun blew air out from between his lips. “That’s how it is most days.”

Kyungsoo only smirked. He preferred it this way. Less messy, less complicated. Granted, he was usually the one waiting in the car or the other room, staring at computer monitors while the action happened somewhere else.

One of the men of the opposing gang moved his hand to his back. That couldn’t be good.

“Baekhyun, get ready,” Kyungsoo warned.

Not needing to be told twice, Baekhyun scrambled to the front seat. Sure enough, the other side started pulling out their guns while Junmyeon and the members hurried to find a safe place for cover.

“Now!”

Baekhyun threw the car in drive, the tires squealing as they struggled to find friction at the high speed. The aluminum sheet that covered the garage door broke apart easily as Beakhyun rammed through it. Tossing his laptop to the side, Kyungsoo pulled his pistol out from the holster under his arm and jumped out of the SUV. He planted his back against the vehicle, peeking around the corner and barely dodging a bullet aimed for his head.

From behind wooden crates, the others took their chances one by one moving to behind the car, half crouched down as they ran to join Kyungsoo.

“What did you do?” Kyungsoo asked with a straight face to his leader.

Junmyeon scoffed, “What did I do? I was following the agreement.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, sighing. He just hoped they all came out of this alive.

Leaning around the tail light, he took aim and fired off a few shots, hitting one of the men in the chest. Another one, however, was able to slice a bullet on the surface of Kyungsoo’s arm. He let out a hiss and turned away from the action, careful not to let anyone notice he was injured.

It was only a few minutes more before the conflict was over. All the men of the betraying gang were dead and there were few wounds on their own side. Chanyeol took a bullet to the shoulder and Jongdae had gotten into a fist fight with someone, a nasty gash bleeding over his left eye. Clearly they needed more attention than Kyungsoo did. Sneakily, he pulled his black jacket out from the last row of seats in the SUV and pulled it on, hoping that would be enough to cover it for now.

“At least we get both the guns and the money now,” Sehun joked.

Junmyeon shook his head as he pulled his phone from his chest pocket. He pressed one number and put it to his ear. “Jongin?” he said into the speaker. “She is? Good. Let’s try to keep it that way. This didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. I don’t want to worry her.” He hung up the phone and sighed with relief.

“She’s asleep?” Jongdae guessed. He received a nod in reply. They all climbed into the now bullet-ridden car and drove off.

Most of the lights of the penthouse were off when they arrived. Yixing was waiting in the living room, his supplies already out and ready on the coffee table to take care of his much needed patients. Leaning against the back of the couch with his forearms, Jonging looked up when he saw the rest of them coming in, a finger to his lips to remind them to be quiet.

“Who do I need to stitch up first?” Yixing asked as he stood up.

“Probably Chanyeol,” Junmyeon replied. Sehun helped the giant shuffle over to the couch and sit down so Yixing could do his work.

Jongin playfully nudged their leader’s arm. “Going to go see her?”

“No,” Junmyeon said. “I don’t want to wake her. At least not until you all are gone. If I can, I want to keep up the delusion that this all went smoothly for as long as possible.”

“She’s going to find out anyway,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“And when she does, she’ll be pissed that you kept it from her,” Baekhyun finished. He was obviously holding back a laugh just imagining that scenario.

Junmyeon nodded. “I’ll take that.”

Seeing his chance, Kyungsoo slowly backed away and out of the living room, quietly as possible heading for the front door.

“Not wanting to wait in line?”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, knowing he’d been caught. Glancing over his shoulder, he still feigned ignorance. “In line for what?”

Jongin pointed at his right hand that hung down on his side. “That doesn’t look too bad. I’m sure Yixing could have that stitched up in no time.”

Kyungsoo cursed internally when he saw the smallest amount of blood dripping down his fingers. “It’s fine,” he insisted. “Yixing has more important things to worry about. I’m just going to go sleep.”

“Uh-huh.” Jongin clicked his tongue, pressing his shoulder up against the wall as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “But… where exactly do you plan on sleeping tonight?”

“None of your business.”

“Did I touch a ner-”

Kyungsoo was out the door and to the elevator before he could be teased some more. The last thing he needed was for the others – especially Baekhyun or Chanyeol – to find out his little secret.

**

It had been a long day. Too long.

It still wasn’t an easy transition, going from sitting in a classroom all day to standing on your feet, putting what you’d learned into practice. You’d only been on the floor for about a month and you were already dead tired to the point that your keys fell out of your hands on your way inside to your apartment – twice.

All you wanted as you closed the door behind you was to sip on a relaxing cup of tea while sitting on your couch in your comfortable clothes. Not that scrubs weren’t comfortable, but there was something nice about stripping away the material that covered you all day at work in favor of the less glamorous, less uniformed shorts and t-shirt.

You were well on your way to this moment of peace. Standing in your kitchen with thick socks on your feet so they didn’t get cold from the tile, you poured the steaming hot water in the mug holding your favorite nighttime tea. It was nice to be alone after twelve hours of being around other human beings. The quiet was-

Knock, knock, knock.

You looked at the direction the noise came from. Who could that be?

Putting the kettle down, you shuffled slowly over to the door and squinted through the peephole. You scoffed to yourself and opened the door.

“Really? You again?”

“Hello to you, too,” Kyungsoo greeted dryly.

You crossed your arms, unimpressed. “How bad is it this time?”

He held up a blood-streaked hand. “No worse than the others. Definitely nowhere near the first time.”

The sigh that left your lips was a reluctant one, but your own bleeding heart couldn’t let you shut the door on him. Motioning with your head, you invited him in.

Due to the fact that he had been in your apartment way too many times for your liking, he knew immediately to go to your couch, taking off his coat and using it as a cover so no blood would stain the fabric. If it did, you were an expert at getting it out.

Supplies in hand, you sat down cross-legged next to him. The right sleeve of his button down was torn, edged with dark, dried blood. You took a pair of scissors and cut away the sleeve. “I swear. I help you out one time and suddenly I’m your personal nursemaid.”

“You don’t ask questions,” he said, flinching when you started to clean the wound. At least it wasn’t bleeding still.

“That’s because I like living.”

He frowned deeper than what was typically on his face. “We don’t do that.”

“You might not,” you agreed as you thread the needle. This was definitely going to hurt. Why were you doing this again? “But what about the other guys? If anyone finds out I’m helping the head hacker of Suho’s gang, then I’m sure others would come knocking at my door. And I doubt they’d be asking for a stitch job themselves.”

Kyungsoo put a hand over yours, stopping you before you could pierce his skin. “No one will find out about you.”

There was a sincerity in his eyes, a kindness that you weren’t used to. While he never forced you to take care of him – really, it was the opposite in your first meeting – he wasn’t exactly a five-star patient. Once in a blue moon, though, his wall would flicker out of existence and give you a glance of the human inside. Sometimes you wondered if there was more behind the glances, but you were too scared to find out.

Sighing, he dropped his hand and looked away. A sharp hiss sucked in through his teeth when the needle point pushed through the skin in his arm, but he didn’t pull away. “The worrisome part is how much you know about me.”

“That is no one’s fault but your own,” you chuckled. When he left after your first treatment of him – a knife wound to the bottom left of his torso – you didn’t think you would ever see him again. That he would fade into the night like Batman.

You were wrong, by no one’s surprise but your own. It was the second time you met that you learned who he was. He only had a few cuts and bruise from what looked like a fist fight when he showed up at your doorstep. And that’s when you compromised: he told you the truth and you would help him whenever he needed it. You were certain by now that you’d drawn the short end of the stick.

At first, you saw him maybe once a month, if that. Even after learning that you were only a student at that time, he still showed up, frequency growing. Lately…. Well, this was the second time this week alone.

“Do you do this on purpose?” you asked suddenly.

He looked at you with that blank expression. “Do what?”

You smirked. “Get hurt like this just so I have to patch you up?”

To your astonishment, he returned with a smirk of his own. “Perhaps.”

Heat rushed up to your cheeks as you cleared your throat and gathered up your supplies. You started to stand up, but Kyungsoo caught your arm and gently pulled you back down. He wasted no words, simply placing his hand against your cheek and leaning in for the kiss.

His lips were soft, hesitant. There was no eagerness or insistence of going deeper, further. Only relishing in the moment, the feeling. He was warm. The opposite of his distant personality. Before, you would have argued to the moon and back that you had no such feelings for him and that you would be better off if he never came around again. But now after this… you knew each point would have been a bold faced lie.

When he pulled away, breaking the kiss, you sat there for a moment, eyes still closed. Opening them again, you found him genuinely smiling at you.

“I thought you might push me away,” he said shyly.

“I would have thought so, too,” you agreed. In slow movements, you put your hand over his that still cradled your cheek and removed it from your face, but still clutched his fingers, afraid he might leave.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“For the kiss or stitches?”

He laughed just a little. “Both.”

So that’s what was behind the glances. Your question from earlier was answered. Heart pounding in your chest, you agonized over what this meant. You knew there was no turning around. If you pushed him away now, you were sure he’d never show up again. And then all you would be worrying about was whether or not he was okay until you tracked him down. You knew yourself too well to even consider the other option.

“I can’t believe I’m about to ask this, but….” You stopped, biting down on your bottom lip.

“But what?” he teased.

Bravely meeting his eyes, you boldly asked, “Will you stay tonight? The whole night?”

His eyes shined as he nodded and then leaned in for a second kiss.

[maariarogers]

behind the scene

Summary: Selena confronts Suho about a few things. Feelings are considered, circumstances are reflected. Characters: Lee Suho and Lee Selena Mentions: Suho x Jugyeong Author’s Note: Follow K-Drama episode 15-ish? In an effort to fix this one particular detail akdhskdfh yes I’m not over the fact they didn’t include this in. What about it? 😤😤😤

PS: Also, in this smol au - Suho did accepted get into MIT because Selena forced him to finish his studies.

READ THIS ON AO3

.

“So, you’re dating my intern.”

“Noona,” Suho acknowledges. Lee Selena drops her wallet on the table, sits, and starts to take her earrings off. It’s a little - irritating, but fitting somehow, how she looks like she’s home, even though Suho knows she doesn’t have high opinion on the studio apartment. “No hello?”

“Hello,” Selena parrots. “You’re dating my intern.”

Suho doesn’t answer her.

Selena rolls her eyes, “That, or you’re stalking her.”

“It’s a long story,” Suho doesn’t want to talk about this. There’s just - something about looking at Selena that reminds him of the hollowness he’s been trying to keep at bay. All those time staring solemnly from Father’s hospital room out to the window, missing Jugyeong. Missing Seojun.

And how Selena would come by sometimes. How she never quite judged him, but it’s - similar. Her staring is just as heavy still.

“She was the girl you kept staring at in your phone,” Selena quips. She’s smart. She’s always been smart. Smarter than Suho, even.

Maybe she’s the one who should’ve gotten into MIT, Suho thinks quite depressingly, not really knowing where’d he put the acceptance letter. In a drawer somewhere. Blue file, right? Or was it green?

“Was she the one you left behind?”

“Was that the reason you decided to hire her as an intern?” Suho shoots back, now sitting across from her. He’s serious. And he knows she knows that he’s serious. Suho suddenly feels a wave of guilt coming back like waves to the shore - was his family’s influence directing Jugyeong’s life? Would this be called manipulation? Would this mean he has the upper-hand, again living only in the shadows of his family while they place him in their lives however they see fit?

Because he doesn’t want that. Not with Jugyeong. Never with Jugyeong.

“I thought she looked familiar,” comes the ugly confession from Selena. Fuck, Suho thinks, already feels like he could cry. He wants to chase her out, wants to have this upcoming panic attack in his own company, but Selena leans back against the chair. Her hair flops with her movement. “But no - she applied like most interns did. And I see a potential in her.”

Suho’s eyes glance up.

So, you see it, apart of him bites in relief.

“Plus, she’s a fan. She said it several times, in fact.” He knows. After all, wasn’t he the one bugging Selena for her touring schedule a few years ago just so he could prepare the surprise for Jugyeong? “She’s been disappointing me lately, though.”

“She has?” Was it because of him? He’d come back uninvited, he’d return like he never left. Right. Stupid. Why had he thought that was ever okay? Shit, what if Selena fires her? Would it be because of him? Suho’s stomach drops. “She’s - she’s been having a hard time—”

“Why are you making excuses for her, baby brother?”

Selena’s voice comes out in steel. Suho thinks he recognises it; sometimes he mimics it. Where had they gotten it from, he wonders? By themselves? Because Father was always charming, and their mother .... she was always so gentle-hearted. But not Lee Selena and Lee Suho. They’re made differently; they came out jagged and sharp.

“I’m not,” Suho argues, but that’s a lie, he knows.

Selena doesn’t buy it.

“You’re lucky we’re related and you don’t work for me,” She stands up then, caresses his face. Just like she would do back then, whenever she finds him hiding in the crooks and quiet places of their family villa, trying to hide from the world. She grasps at him like she wants so desperately to save him, save her little brother, but they’re both so helpless, hands tied behind their backs. What could she have done about a father who wasn’t there? How could she have played the role of a mother when that wasn’t hers?

And then Selena left to study. Suho was on his own again.

“I won’t give her special treatments if that’s what you’re worrying about.” Selena says a moment later, passing him to enter the kitchen. Suho could see now that there are boxes that she’s brought splayed on the table. Cookware, utensils, plates and cups: all in new white boxes wrapped in plastic.

He touches it.

Suho feels bad, for a second, that he found her irritating at all.

“Whether she dates you or don’t, it won’t affect how I oversee the people who works under me.”

Suho feels the tightness in his chest breaks apart. Good, he thinks. That was the one thing he knew he could’ve counted on his sister, that she rarely plays around when it comes to the reputation she built, the career she had, but - it still unnerves him. Is this really a good thing? Shouldn’t Jugyeong has some benefits, after all?

“You should tell her,” Selena’s voice grows softer. Suho looks to her sister: his fierce, determined older sister. Even in the face of gentleness, she has the foundation of a solid concrete and metal. Storms couldn’t have tumbled her down. Suho wishes, a little desperately, that he could have only a minuscule of that strength for himself. “That we’re related. Or you’ll drive yourself mad with thinking you deceived her.”

Suho doesn’t say anything.

“Have you taken your medication?”

“I was going to have dinner first,” He tells her, taking hold of the boxes in plastic and carrying it over to the kitchen counter. Selena’s effort is seamless; she receives what he puts down, and begins to unpack. Suho could only follow.

“Good. I’ll have dinner with you.”

Suho looks down, slows his own movement.

“Noona,” he calls, suddenly feels as if he has a fist right in his throat, and he’s working his voice around it. Suho feels like he’s back to being ten years old, scared, and not being sure who to hold. Their grandmother, Selena herself, or the ghost of their parents. “Thank you.”

“Do you love her?” She asks instead, without even looking up. “The intern.”

He doesn’t hesitate. “So much.”

“Then be careful, baby brother.” She’s strict. Never one for sentimentality. Almost like Jugyeong’s own sister, Heegyeong, except there’s always warmth in the Lim family, in how they move and talk and communicate. The Lees, not so much. “Don’t overdo it. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Jugyeong doesn’t hurt me,” not like he has. The pain inside his chest blooms.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t hurt yourself.” Again, the sharpness in the way she replies. Selena means business. Suho probably should gets used to this - but he just isn’t.

“Thank you,” Suho whispers, but he feels inadequate. Like it isn’t enough. He’s right - he can’t look at Selena for too long. All those time in the hospital, all those moment he almost called. She knows too much about him, his sister, and Suho’s not used to it.

(But maybe it is a good thing. Maybe it’s - nice, even, to know he’s seen by his family. That Selena always comes back, no matter the time and place. The sister who did save him: finding him this place after he didn't want to be with Grandmother anymore, setting up his therapy sessions, forcing him to finish his studies.)

“Thank you, Noona.”

“Silly boy. Stop crying. Here—” Selena hands an open set of spoons and forks. “Put this away.”

Suho does.

Author’s Note: ngl I might make this a series lol

[stratus-skye07]

Suga Craze [Seven] | Suga

[Six] [Masterlist]

The throbbing in my head is starting to get worse just as I begin to wake up from my unwanted nap. I push myself to sit up when a hand grabs me by the shoulder to push me down. The realization of what happened before I lost consciousness reminds me that I’m most likely a hostage again. I grab the wrist and pull it off me when I see the owner of the hand.

“Yoongi?” I pull him down to give him a hug at the relief that I am safe with Yoongi. I wasn’t a hostage but how did I end up back home?

I looked around to find that I was back home. The rest of Bangtan were surrounding my bed.

“How did I get here?” I ask.

“CL brought you home. We called Jin to check on the bump on your head.” Yoongi touches my head until I feel the sting of the bump.

Jin smiles, “Luckily, your head is as hard as your hits. You don’t have a concussion.”

“CL, where is she? Is she okay?” I ask worryingly. Yoongi begins to avoid eye contact with me and looks back at the rest of the group. There was a huge awkwardness in the atmosphere.

“Y/N, I need you to tell me what happened?” He asks in a much more serious tone.

“Didn’t CL tell you?” If I’m here then she has to be okay as well. 

Yoongi squeezes my hands, “Just tell me.”

I take a breath to soothe my anxiety before explaining, “We were ambushed by a group of masked men. They wanted me to come with them. I fought back the best I could but one of them hit me and knocked me out.”

Namjoon steps forwards to ask, “Did you recognize any of them?”

I shake my head, “No, they were all wearing masks but I remember that one of them had a tattoo on his wrist. It looked like a hexagon with an X and a line through it.”

Jimin has a hopeful tone in his voice, “That’s EXO’s mark. They must’ve-” V places his hand on Jimin’s shoulder to silence him.

That awkward feeling is coming back in the atmosphere again but this time it’s much more harsh, “Does someone wanna tell me why everyone’s acting weird?”

“Y/N, did these men have guns?” Namjoon asks.

I nod, “Yes, but what does that have to-”

He interrupts me before hearing my question, “And did you manage to shoot one of those men?”

“Yeah, I only managed to hit one of them before I was knocked out.” I practically stutter from the interrogation feeling.

Yoongi sighs in disappointment which makes me even more nervous, “Babe,”

“What? Ask CL. She’ll tell you what happened?” I say frantically.

J-Hope clears his throat, “We did but your stories don’t exactly match.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

Yoongi turns back towards Bangtan, “I need everyone to clear the room. Now!” He orders in a serious tone that makes me nervous.

Within seconds, the room is emptied out and only the two of us are left in the awkwardness that is our bedroom.

I adjust myself in bed as if it would help such an uncomfortable feeling, “You’re scaring me.” I say, watching Yoongi’s expression.

He scoffs, “I could say the same.”

I lean in closer to get what he was hiding from me out in the open, “What’s wrong?”

He looks me in the eyes, “You shot CL.”

My heart sinks, “What? N-no I didn’t. She was unconscious. I couldn’t have shot her.”

His jaw tightens, “Jin treated her wound. It wasn’t anything serious but the evidence speaks for itself.”

I shake my head replaying all the possibilities that I could’ve hit her but none come to mind. “That’s not possible.” I say in a whispered voice.

“She said that when you two were walking, you started to get paranoid that someone was following you. CL checked the area but there was no one. One minute, you’re fine and the next, you were attacking her thinking she was trying to hurt you. You took her gun and tried shooting her. The only way she could stop you was to knock you out.” He explains without making any eye contact with me.

I try so hard to force my brain to remember the events he’s telling me but nothing is clicking. I know what happened. We were ambushed...weren’t we?

Tears begin to spill down my face as the frustration of having no memory of it begins to scare me, “I don’t remember any of that happening. Yoongi-”

Without thinking about it, Yoongi pulls me into his arms to soothe me but it doesn’t calm me at all. No, I’m sure of what happened. Then why am I doubting it so much?

Later in the night, I find it hard to sleep especially after everything that happened. I haven’t seen CL to talk to her about what went on at that bridge. Yoongi hasn’t come back since he said he was going to look into what I told him about EXO.

I decide that I should at least try to convince him to get some sleep and focus on work in the morning.

I head towards his office where I see the light from inside the room lighting up a small line into the hallway where the door was opened slightly. I’m about to knock when I hear voices from the inside.

“Honestly Yoongi, I’m fine.” It was CL’s voice, “It’s not the first time I’ve been shot and it probably won’t be the last so stop worrying.”

I peek in through the crack of the door to see CL sitting on the edge of the desk and Yoongi standing to the side of her, looking at the bandaged wound on her arm.

He sighs, “I’m more worried about Y/N. This isn’t like her. She was already dealing with what happened to Hyung-Sik and her dad being killed. I think everything’s taking a toll on her.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

“It’s not your fault. You’re the closest thing she’s had to a friend.” He says.

“Considering how today went, you should keep an eye on her.” CL adds, “What if this kind of thing happens again but she comes after you or one of the members?”

“It won’t. I’ll help her deal with all the pain she’s been through.” Yoongi defends.

“Can I make a suggestion?” Yoongi nods, “I have a safe house near Seoul. Maybe you could have her live there for a while to destress herself. Being in a dangerous environment like this could trigger her at any moment.”

Yoongi doesn’t bat an eye to respond, “Thank you for the offer but I have to keep her close. She’s my wife and I can’t just send her away like that.”

I’m causing so much trouble for Yoongi that maybe I should just go away. The only reason he won’t let me go is because I’m pregnant so he won’t risk something happening to me in a safe house away from him. 

What if I am a danger to others?

The following night, I decided to go inside the soon-to-be nursery and sit. I’ve been thinking about yesterday all day. It turns out that there were no CCTV’s anywhere near the area that CL and I had been walking. I continued to tell Yoongi about EXO being involved somehow but he told me that only EXO members have the tattoos I drew. Also, they were in China doing a job the past few days. V managed to get footage of them arriving at Incheon airport this morning, with all nine members alive and well which doesn’t prove that I managed to shoot and kill one of them.

I begin to think how nothing's making sense. I honestly start to think that maybe I am just losing it this time. So much has happened all at once that I’ve had to deal with plus getting pregnant has completely messed up my hormonal balance that maybe it's also screwing up the chemical balance in my brain.

I begin to rub the small lump that has started to form in my stomach, “I’m sorry that your mom’s messed up.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Yoongi appears at the door. He pulls another chair to sit beside me.

I chuckle, “Can you honestly say that with a straight face?”

He places his hand over mine, “Yes, I know that you’re the strongest person I’ve ever known.”

“I don’t feel strong. I'm beginning to think that I am just losing my mind. Soon enough you’ll have to put me in a white jacket and a room with mattress covered walls.” I suggest jokingly.

“Babe, you’ve gone through so much this past year. I’m surprised that you didn’t break down sooner. I’m so sorry that it’s been so stressful for you but I know that you’ll get past all the pain you’ve been through. When the baby comes you’ll look back at everything and think that it was all hard but it was worth it once you get to hold our baby in your arms.”

I look down at my abdomen, “For their sake, I hope so.”

Yoongi looks earnestly at me then smiles, “You want to know a secret?”

“What?” I respond with little interest but still give in to his attempt.

“Suho was the other mafia leader to ask your dad for your hand in marriage. He was close to having you but in the end I managed to convince your dad that I was the right choice for a husband.”

I chuckle lightly, “Is that the real reason you don’t like Suho?”

He nods, “Yeah, ever since then I’ve been keeping a close eye on him just in case he’d try to lure you away from me.”

“Do you still think he has a chance at convincing me to join him?” I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders with a look of doubt, “Well if you were to see his mansion that would be a whole different story all together.”

“He has a mansion?” I ask jokingly, acting as if I was truly being persuaded.

Yoongi looks at my face for a solid second before answering in a serious tone, “No.”

I laugh as I take his cheeks into my hands and kiss him, “Cutie.”

“I’m a mafia leader,” He stands up to adjust his clothes, “I’m not cute. I’m sexy.”

He begins to walk toward the door when I yell out, “Suga is very sexy!” I can hear muffled laughter coming from down the hall but once Yoongi exits the room they quickly silence.

After Yoongi left to carry on with some extra work, I began to walk around the nursery and imagine what it would be filled with once we are able to reveal the pregnancy. My heart begins to swell with complete happiness of what being parents will be like once I start to picture everything that’s to come down the line.

There’s suddenly a hand on my shoulder. I smile thinking of Yoongi and I, spending a majority of time in this room. I look up in the mirror that was in front of me when everything in my body goes cold. The figure standing behind me wasn’t Yoongi but Hyung-Sik. 

I close my eyes and pray to myself, “You’re not real. You’re not real.”

He chuckles when I hear something break then the room gets dark. With ease he wraps his arm around my chest to hold me firmly against his, almost like a choke hold but he wasn’t trying to choke me. I continue to repeat my words in hopes that he will disappear and I’ve overcome this crazy mental issue I’ve been having.

I decide to open my eyes and look at him when the feeling of him holding me doesn’t go away. Instead he walks us over towards the mirror and smashes it with his fist, sending pieces of glass to fall to the floor. He takes a shard from the remaining pieces that stayed then points it towards my throat.

With ease he cuts my neck causing me to scream from the pain, “Is this real enough?” He asks sadistically.

I begin to pull at his arm but he doesn’t budge, “How are you still alive?”

He smiles that familiar evil grin of his, “You think I would go down so easily?”

“Y/N!” Yoongi shouts from the door that Hyung-Sik managed to lock. “What's going on in there?! Open the door!” He starts banging on the door.

Just as I’m about to shout for him, Hyung-Sik sticks the glass shard deeper into my skin so that I have to grab his wrist to stop him from pushing it any further.

“What do you want? To finish the job?” I ask.

“No,” He growls, he responds, “I want you to suffer so much that Suga won’t even be able to help you. The only way for it to end is to kill yourself.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

He laughs, “We’ll see, I’ve made some new friends since that last time we saw each other. They want you dead just as much as I do. Sooner or later you’ll end up like your father.”

In that instant, the fight or flight response changes to fight as I grab his hand that has the shard and struggle to get it out of his grasp. He uses his strength to push me into the dresser and pushes it towards my throat. Once I begin to overpower him, he pulls back and tosses me to the ground. I manage to take the shard away from him. I rise to my feet with the sharp piece of glass ready to strike wherever he may come at me in the darkness.

“Y/N!” Finally Yoongi and the rest of Bangtan break through the door. “Are you okay?” The lights finally come on as I look around to find no one else in the room.

No, he was here. I’m sure of it this time.

“What are you doing?!” Yoongi quickly grabs my wrist, “Drop it!” He orders me, preparing to twist my arm if I didn’t let go of the piece of glass. I look over at Yoongi and Bangtan as they gaze at me with a look of shock and worry.

Once again, Jin was called to treat the cut on my neck. I told Yoongi I could do it myself but he wouldn’t even trust me to treat myself.

“You’re lucky this cut wasn’t any deeper or else it would’ve-”

“Hit an artery? Yeah, I know.” I interrupt knowing full well what could’ve happened if the glass went through.

Jin continues to place the bandage on my neck. Yoongi and I just stare at each other the whole time. His facial expression doesn’t change but I know he’s annoyed with me. He hasn’t asked any question yet but I know once Jin leaves he’s gonna explode.

“Okay,” Jin removes his gloves and begins to pack his things, “you’re all patched up.”

I smile slightly at him, “Thank you.”

“You can go now.” Yoongi orders with such a cold tone.

I begin to prepare for what’s to come as soon as Jin closes the door behind him and leaves us alone. Yoongi sighs, rubbing his face as he walks over towards the side table to lean over it.

“Talk.”

I tell him the truth, “He was here.”

Suddenly, he clears the table with one sweep of his hand causing such a ruckus as well as a mess. I maintain my composure as he starts fuming.

“I don’t know how much longer you’re gonna keep his corpse tied to you!” His voice roars throughout the room.

“You think I enjoy it!” I roar back, “I know it’s hard to believe but he was here!”

“He’s fucking dead, Y/N! How many times do I have to say this!” He points to the window, “Do you want me to dig him up and drag his corpse here?!” 

I stand from the bed to slowly approach him, “He said this would happen. He’s been watching me and he’s the one that killed dad. It’s a part of his plan so you won’t believe me. He wants to break me until I kill myself.”

Yoongi approaches me to cup my face close to his, “Is that what you were trying to do, kill yourself?”

“What!?” I push him back for even thinking that I would be so dumb to do something like that, “No, of course not.”

Yoongi pulls a bottle of pills out of his jacket pocket, “I know I’m not a doctor or anything but thankfully Google was able to help me understand this really complicated name which turned out to be antidepressant.”

The anger starts to boil inside me, “You went through my stuff. What happened to trust?”

“My exact thoughts,” He chucks the bottle against the wall causing the pills to explode on the ground, “How long have you been hiding this from me!?”

“Yes, I was taking those. I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want you to worry about me. I mean come on, Yoongi. Do you honestly think I would do that to myself? To our baby?” I gesture to myself.

“You had a shard in your hand ready to kill. What am I supposed to think?”

I scoff, “Are you not listening to me? Hyung-Sik was here. I don’t know how but he is and wants me to pay for what I did to him.”

“No one was here, Y/N. V already looked at the surveillance cameras of the house and no one has been in or out of here.”

I run my hands through my hair, nearly wanting to rip strands “He snuck in somehow. I know I can’t explain how but he did! Why won’t you believe at least my word?”

“Because I know that the sky is blue no matter how many times you tell me a different color. I know that Hyung-Sik is dead and gone. Even if I were to search for him, I know where I’ll end up finding him. In the ground, where we left him.” He says.

“Then look into EXO. They have to be hiding him or have something to do with him. Hyung-Sik said-”

“Enough!” He raises his voice so loud that it even scares me, “Park Hyung-Sik didn’t say anything because he is dead!?”

Feeling somewhat defeated, I end up doing something I’ve never had to do in my life. “Yoongi,” I slowly drop to my knees before him, “Please, help me.”

His jaw tenses as his eyes begin to sparkle with water, “Get up.”

Placing my palms on the floor I bow until my head touches the floor, “My husband, please help me.”

Yoongi stands there for a good minute until he sighs and makes his way towards the door. He stops for a second which blooms hope in my heart until he speaks again.

He opens the door, “Jungkook,” he summons the youngest, who appears quickly.

“What do you need, Suga?” He asks.

“I’m placing Y/N under house arrest. Stay in this room and make sure she doesn't leave. She’s to never be by herself. Do not let her out of your sight.”

[Eight]

[delicatejisung]

𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐜𝐭 & 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐯

𝙨𝙢𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨:

✯ 𝑒𝓍𝑜:

[i seperated the gifs because her closeness with the 8 aren’t the same with yixing’s]

- okay, yanna doesn’t really remember HOW she became close with kai

- but everytime an smtown concert happens, kai never fails to give her a high five and would sometimes throw confetti at her

- she’s really awkward towards kyungsoo, because she’s a huge fan of his acting

- xiumin and suho often give her a thumbs up backstage everytime she finishes a performance

- chanyeol, she finds him really funny but one time he high-fived her and her hand hurt for lyk days

- she really admires chen’s voice and joked one time to baekhyun about wanting to be a godmother and he told him so ...... maybe?

- baekhyun and yanna became friends when she accidentally put her arm around him at an smtown concert, everyone was shocked but baekhyun just went with it

- the next concerts, he would always always ALWAYS shove her playfully so everyone guessed they became friends

- it was confirmed when baekhyun talked about her in a guesting, saying that having younger friends like her made him feel very old

- yanna has a crush on sehun and it’s something she can never talk about to anyone so she just bows everytime he’s around

- he isn’t really helping much because he often goes “how have you been?” everytime they meet and she’s just lyk shdjjsjdjdjs inside

- now lay is a whole different story

- yanna has always been vocal about idolizing yixing, specially when it comes to dancing

- yixing didn’t know much about her except that she was in nct dream (which he was familiar with but both weren’t sure how to approach each other) but was told that she might join him in “idol producer season 1” as a possible sub mentor who just visits the trainees occasionally

- he wasn’t confident with the idea but changed his mind when they had a meeting with her

- yixing didn’t expect a girl this young to be full of ideas, especially in helping people she doesn’t even know yet

- yanna simply said “i know how hard it was to become a trainee, a little help won’t be a bother to me at all. besides, i don’t think i’ll be of much help anyways.” while laughing

- so yeah, yanna gained his respect before, during and after filming the show

- he often contacts yanna to cheer her on

- yanna always tells him how much she misses the show

- yanna doesn’t usually approach them first because she’s shy and they’re still her seniors no matter how friendly they are

✯ 𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓋𝑒𝓁𝓋𝑒𝓉

- yanna was also in sr15g so ....

- irene always fixes her hair even when there’s nothing wrong with it, lyk she would even mess it up just to fix it again

- yanna is always seen sitting on seulgi’s lap

- wendy and her have the best conversations tbh

- yanna would 100% jump on yeri’s back for no particular reason

- they’re always seen skipping together during concerts

- joy and yanna can’t get through a day without complimenting each other

- oh and they always remind her that she can have thousands of “hyungs” but they’re her only “unnies”

✯ 𝒽𝑒𝑒𝒸𝒽𝓊𝓁

- literally treats yanna like a younger sister

- they love joking around each other

- he believes yanna would do great in variety shows

- yanna heard about his relationship by accident and told him

- he made her promise not to tell anyone

- he was like “if that gets out, you’ll also have to reveal your relationship” and she was like “I’M NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP”

- everytime a male idol reveals that they have a crush on yanna on knowing brothers, heechul goes “NAE DONGSAENG?”

✯ 𝓂𝒾𝓇𝒶𝑔𝑒

[ @mirage-official, please check them out bc i love them & who made them !!!]

- okay so hyeyoung is one of yanna’s looooong line of moms (everyone wants to adopt yanna, wbk)

- she’s someone yanna depends on more and more each day as she grows up/older

- yes, the boys are a lot of help but yanna’s still a girl and sometimes she needs girl advice

- when she does, hyeyoung’s one call away unless she’s busy with other stuff

- hyeyoung introduced her to journals and to give her old notebook a break

- but also, yanna never makes hyeyoung forget that she’s still pretty young and she should enjoy being spontaneous sometimes

- unplanned trip to jeju? totally would be a yanna idea as she sits with her shades on ignoring hyeyoung’s questions

- and yes, yanna will be hyeyoung’s matchmaker so wait for her to do her magic on her and that guy

- evie is a WHOLE different story

- evie is like that cool aunt yanna talks to when she wants to curse someone out

- she vents to evie

- and evie’s cool so she’s like “hit me, it’ll make you feel better” but yanna’s like “....no.”

- yanna loves it when evie hugs her

- she giggles so hard because the boys who are scared of evie are just confused when she does

- and yes, yanna LIVES FOR hyuck having a crush on evie

- but also she gets annoyed when evie protects hyuck saying he’s an innocent little boy

- “HE’S NOT, HE’S MEAN TO ME” “it’s because he likes you” “HE DOESN’T, I TOLD YOU HE LIKES YOU” “you’re so funny, yanna”

- they both ship yanren HARD but of course it’s more because of how happy renjun makes yanna, they would fight him if he makes her cry

- basically hyeyoung and evie are like her moms, fans are convinced she’s their love child and she’s fine with it bc yay more love for her

✯ 𝑔𝑒𝓂

[ check her out too, also on @mirage-official !!!]

- gem and yanna had an interesting past that only half of them remembers

- yanna was a trainee focused on debuting and the boys were just loud and friendly that’s why she ended up befriending them, eunmi was shy and that’s why her and yanna didn’t really become friends

- yanna didn’t like her at first but wasn’t mean about it she was just protective but you’ll get to that if you check her out hhh

- basically interactions were really awkward at first because yanna’s always 👀 towards her

- but really yanna’s just wary

- once they got past that and started becoming friends, oh boy

- yanna and gem? besties.

- yanna would protect gem from sm, like literally see her roll her eyes at her manager from time to time bc she got nerve now

- their favorite hobby is sharing their hatred towards sm’s mismanagement

- jk it’s gem making yanna appreciate cartoons like steven universe

- but really a yanna and gem sub-unit is something their individual fanbases will be begging for because we stan powerful women

[life-rewritten]

TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE TRAUMAS AND UNSETTLING REGRESSIONS

The anger, the anguish, and upset I feel from the last moments of episode 10 are unspeakable. I can not believe how flawed and disgusting some of the parents are in this show. And I'm not particularly eager to write when I'm emotional and entirely overtaken by anger and sadness, but I also wanted to address immediately because this essay isn't about the love triangle. I couldn't give a hoot about the love triangle; I don't care what side people are on, because I think it's ridiculous that, that's what people came out of this week's episodes and focusing on. Like really, we're still doing this Suho vs Seojun nonsense, like make it make sense? Like no one is perfect, no one is a monster, all of them are just characters and yes Suho is problematic, Seojun also is, Jukyung this week was even more so, everybody likes to focus on their bias and forget that it's not that deep, it's okay to call out Suho on his mistakes but to sit there and fangirl about Seojun as the best hero boyfriend or whatever, when this episode had so much more depth to it, that's ridiculous. Anyway everyone is free to have their own opinions, but I can't believe that this tag is still full of Suho hate, absolutely absurd.  Back to the actual focus of this essay, what can I say True Beauty has always been about PTSD, trauma and the pain and suffering of our main characters, how that has shaped them, changed their mindsets on themselves, hindered them from growth, love and happiness. In Episode 9 and 10 all our characters with masks apart from Seojun who just kept growing regressed and fell apart because of past reminders of their traumas. Let me explain more as we get into it.

First of all, one of the most critical vital themes of this episode is about Secrets, especially how secrets can cause disconcert, miscommunication and chaos. All of the characters hold some kind of secret from their respective partners, family, friends, etc., and in hiding these secrets, they lose their positive attributes because of how stressed they are by the secrets, how ashamed they feel from the secrets and how afraid they are about what the reveal of the secrets would cause. Most importantly, we see Suho, Soojin and Ju Kyung spiral into regression because of the consequences of their masks and secrets.

Ju Kyung: A flashback to the past

Truthfully I was very peeved of by Ju Kyung these two episodes, but I mean it's evident that this was going to happen as mentioned before, Ju Kyung has severe PTSD from her past with bullying and suffering because the world made her feel inadequate and worthless because of what she lacks. Although Kyung ends up with someone who completely sees her for who she is, is supportive and by her side completely, Kyung can't help but question this blessing as a curse. This is what self hate, and self-deprecation does, immediately she receives something good for her, Kyung starts to withdraw in fear because some part of her can't believe she deserves to be happy and satisfied with Suho. Now, as I said, I was annoyed, but also I saw her reasons loud and clear and I understood them because I related to them as well. Let's first look at the situation that occurs to cause her to spiral.

Her secret is that she's dating Suho. Pause. Now at first she's hesistant because of the fear of bullying and being noticed and being pushed into the spotlight because of his reputation. However, because of him being him, taking care of her, making her feel brave and loving herself (he does so much to show her she's okay being her self), she decides she doesn't care if the secret is out. Unfortunately for Kyung, another secret is revealed; Soojin her new best friend someone, who she's so close to has feelings for Suho. In fact, she also has really fascinating and important reasons for why she believes Suho should be hers. Now, this is what truly causes Kyung's trauma to appear again, and she becomes a mess of emotions because she has spiralled back into self-hate and self-deprecation. Let me explain.

Losses and Fears

In order to understand why Kyung's trauma is actually more profound than it seems because it does feel quite dramatic and unimportant with the reveal of other people's secrets and situations, her crying about Suho not understanding her and why she's struggling seems really overdramatic and not needed. But let me take you back to episode 1, Kyung has been in this situation before, and this situation led her to want to take her life. Let's review

In episode 1,  Kyung was confident and happy in her self; she had a crush on a guy who made her smile, comfortable, and one of the people who paid attention to her and cared for her. Now this guy she had feelings for, as she confessed; she discovered he had feelings for another person, someone more prettier, popular and matched for him as people put it. This led to her confession with this guy bringing out the worst side of him; it led to her also losing her best friend who she relied on because she went to the popular girl out of fear, it led to her being taunted and broken by people making her feel like how dare she even think she could confess. You have to realise what they're saying to her, one she's not worth having a guy pay attention to her because of her looks, two she shouldn't try even to get someone's attention because the right person will find that person and they'll realise their mistake in associating with her, three, friendship and people are fickle, and she'll always be alone if she tries to do what she wants.

So back to our situation, Kyung has finally found a safe space. The beginning of episode 9 she reveals one of her secrets (part of her growth) to Soojin who completely protects and stays by her side. Soojin becomes the best friend she could ever have, she relies on her and is happy because of her. So she's regained a new best friend, but also she's found, love. A guy has thoroughly chosen to be with her despite her looks and whatnot (she thinks), this guy is a complete package, he's a prince, he's too good to be true, he protects, he's warm, and he makes her feel safe. (Just like the other guy did), lastly, she's also now found a place with her peers, she's no longer looked down on, and everyone likes her. There's a lot in her mind at stake if she chooses to reveal to Soojin the truth. It just makes her vulnerable, and it makes her more likely to lose everything, she finally regained by wearing her mask. It makes her return to that mindset in episode 1, where she felt she was worthless, and useless, a burden, and she should take her life. So her trauma is ingrained in her and causes her to spiral into self-doubt, fear, and hate just because she's gone through this before.

Lies and Masks

Now the past situation made her feel one thing; people are fickle. No matter how much Suho is here for her and says he wants her, his love is fickle. It can change, he just needs to find the right person, the smarter person, the prettier person, the more affluent person who matches him. Soojin is that. But even more from what Soojin is saying to her, Suho is just exactly like how he is with Kyung. He's protective, he's apparently warm, and he goes out of his way to make Soojin feel safe when he doesn't do that for anyone. In her head, he just hasn't realised he wants her the same way he wants Kyung cause she makes him care. And we all know what happened when someone else found another opportunity where the girl of his dreams wanted him, the cruel words he said, the way he pushed her away, Kyung feels like Suho has every right to do the same because she feels like she's not in his league. Because people; her mum, her bullies, her ex-friends, even strangers have made her feel like she's not meant to be perfect for him because she's dumb, ugly and has nothing to offer apart from makeup. And that's just painful and heartbreaking. What is she to do in this situation, losing Soojin is already painful because that's someone who she also holds in high regards in her life, someone who she depends on as a friend.

But it's not just that. As I said, she believes people's love and care for her is fickle. Actually, Soojin is proving her right without her knowing, Soojin isn't being a good friend. She's going behind the scenes to manipulate Kyung, making her feel listless knowing she's dating Suho. But the issue is Soojin also knows her without her mask, her deepest fears, her deepest secret, she has a weapon if Kyung tells her she's dating Suho. If Soojin switches, Kyung reverts back to her episode 1 self where the whole school sides with the popular girl, and she reveals the truth about how she looks without makeup. She loses not just her best friend but also her new safe space and she regresses back into the girl on the rooftop broken and exhausted of being alive.

Real vs Fake

And that's the painful thing because the reason why Kyung believes people are on her side is because of her mask of makeup and beauty, Suho thinks he likes her because she is pretty with her makeup at least, Soojin became her friend because she felt she was different and prettier, and people in the school rate her high because she's pretty. It's all about how much her mask has helped her be reborn as she said to Selena. But because she knows her mask isn't real, these people's feelings, and loyalty, friendship also isn't real, she has to keep up this facade to keep it accurate, and to stay in this lie she's created as long as she's safe, happy and able to walk around freely being her self. Something people refused her to do before because she had no right to be satisfied being ugly and dumb. So you see it's actually genuinely traumatic and painful what she's dealing with.

However, the painful thing about the fickleness of feelings is that Kyung has Suho and Suho has been in love with her and has been consistent with his care for her from the time he knew her without her mask. Since they were kids. Suho spent the whole episodes being grateful that he had her as his girlfriend, wanting to show her to the world, wanting to be with her, and Kyung's need to keep secrets was pushing his feelings, and his fears and his worries aside because she was more focused on prevention and protection. Now Suho doesn't care for other people or see other people the way he sees Kyung, for him Soojin is barging into his life without needing to be there, he told her this, but he doesn't see it as a big issue to tell Kyung she's there because she's not important. But Seojun is important, Seojun has already told him how he feels for Kyung, and Kyung seems pretty reliant and close to Seojun who keeps crossing the line sometimes (like coming to her house and staying when her boyfriend is there, competing and what not) this is what causes him to get agitated and tell her the way he knows how. 

He's had no parental care, no training, no nurturing to know what's wrong and right, he's been forced to deal with his issues on his own, and he isolated himself from people, we can see he struggles with relationships, and he's trying to navigate it. So it's not okay for him to act possessive and controlling over who she should be with, but it also makes sense with his character when he doesn't know how to show emotions appropriately, and he's jealous and worried because she's being happy and close with Seojun in one corner and avoiding his calls and him in the other. It doesn't make sense. This is what I was peeved off at her for. Both Kyung and Suho are in the wrong in this situation, not just Suho.

Speaking of Suho, let's talk about this episode, his secrets as Leo and the reveal of how Seoyeon got set up.

Suho; A memory of regrets

Now the frustrating thing about this situation is; I can't fathom humans that do this, I can't understand how cold and heartless someone can be that he drives someone to take their life, and he still acts nonchalant and cold about that person because he doesn't care about rookies. Suho's father is incredibly disgusting as a human, and I completely can't stand him. The reveal that Seoyeon's demise was because he wanted to cover up a dating scandal, his son's best friend, who his son is literally suffering PTSD because he believed he was the reason his friend jumped. It's so disgusting when you think about it. This episode does an excellent job in showing us how much Suho has struggled with emotions and life because of his father's reputation, personality, and upbringing. And that's why I don't understand how people can come into this episode and come out with hate for Suho. Make it make sense.

The first thing episode 9 shows about Suho, which was actually foreshadowing the final conflict in episode 10 is his lack of a fatherly figure despite the fact he had a father. We see him interact with his father when he goes to have dinner with Soojin's own disgusting family, and we realise this is all his father does for him. He makes little quips about why he and Suho can't spend time together, and we all know Suho holds resentment at his father for cheating and sleeping with women, but also the trauma he had from dealing with paparazzi because of his father's fame, and the fact his father was barely in his life to show him emotional support and care. This is even worse when you realise again why Seoyeon got set up because his father wanted to protect his reputation, to sleep with someone, and because he didn't care about people's emotions and wellbeing.

Warmth and Comfort

Now the only thing that helped him deal with his father at first was Seoyeon and Seojun; it's making me cry again. The thing that got him through his tough upbringing was his friends, they brought purpose through music (another secret he's Leo), they brought happiness and care through friendship, and they brought comfort through their presence. They were loyal, close, and ready to help each other no matter what. His father took that away from him. Not just took that away from him but broke his mindset about how he views himself, damaged his relationship and trust with people, and pulled him into a spiral of self hate and self deprecation and regrets because he set Seoyeon up. How messed up can someone be? It's even worse because he knows he's the reason why Suho lost his friend, and he still had the guts, the confidence, the heart to plagiarise the person he ruined's song. Even not knowing that his son is the one he's plagiarising from.  His father took it all from him. He made Suho think he's a burden, his reputation is a curse, and he's doomed to be alone to protect people away from him. It's funny because this is how Kyung also feels in her own regression. Both Suho and Kyung believe that they shouldn't be worth interacting with people because they're burdens and problematic for just being born. For Suho it's being born into his family, for Kyung it's being born with her looks and brains.  It's incredibly heartbreaking and frustrating.

That's why it's even more painful because episode 9, Suho gets to stay in a lie for a while with Kyung's father staying with him, showing him the warmth, care and support he didn't have with his father. That's why we got that scene; it was to make you compare how different Suho's father is to him, compared to a flawed father like Kyung who's a headache but is also a good source of comfort and love. Suho finally got to feel that care that he was lacking. But still, Suho's father's coldness and heartlessness also shadow to let us know why Suho is the way he is when he has a go at Kyung and tells her to stop hanging out with Seojun; when he is posessive and protective over her without listening to what she's saying. He hasn't had a significant role model/ influence to look up to. He also became like his father on the surface and withdrawn from emotions because he doesn't receive that. It's honestly upsetting. I am so angry at Suho's father.

Regrets and Resent

But let's talk about the regression. Suho finding out his father is the one who caused Seoyeon's demise. First of all, just think about how much Suho has suffered the past ten episodes because of this issue, he's had PTSD, actual PTSD, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, isolation, just because of this issue, because Seojun told him repeatedly he was the reason for why Seoyeon jumped. Because his reputation could not save Seoyeon, because he didn't answer the phone because of his callousness and also because he fought with the very reason for why this happened; his father.

Seojun made Suho feel like he was a monster, and he was never going to be any different because his father was his father. And the thing is, this has been going for a long time, Seojun kept showing up in Suho's life ensuring he never got to be happy (at the beginning not now), he never got to feel worthy of peace, love, friendship because of what he did to Seoyeon. In a way, if you actually think about Seojun's role in Suho's life for a while, he's been like the bullys who ensured Kyung didn't feel happy being her self the way she was because of how she looked. Now he's not as bad because he's not doing it purposely with that intention of psychological harm and breakdown, because he also doesn't think Suho feels any guilt or issue with Seoyeon's demise. But it's pretty messed up that the person everyone is hailing to be this perfect specimen was literally playing the same roles as the bullies you claim to hate in Suho's life.

Like I keep repeating all these characters are flawed, have made mistakes because they're human, but the hate and the bias towards some of them is insane and makes no sense to me.

But now Suho has entirely as Kyung went back to a flash to the past, he's spiralled again into self hate, self deprecation and trauma because he found out the truth. If he's already been struggling with not answering the phone to help Seoyeon; imagine how much of a monster he'll feel because it's his dad who set Seoyeon up to fail. Imagine the pain and suffering, the self-hate, the same things Seojun kept telling him will keep repeating in his head, his reputation hurts people, his dad hurts people, and his lifestyle hurts people. He shouldn't be loved, have friends, or have people around him because he doesn't deserve that when they can end up like Seoyeon. All of his bottled down secret; self-hate is now released because the reason is connected to him from the start, it was his father. So Kyung and Suho found themselves with their masks unveiled, broken and scared and terrified about the consequences of choosing to be happy and free. Now, both of them hold this burden and weight making them feel like they don't deserve to want to be happy, in love and confident in what they deserve because of what society has done to them. And that's insane.

Soojin- A journey of a villain 

Before I stop, we also need to speak about Soojin and her regression. Her regression is very fascinating and upsetting. I have been on edge about her character, and it was excruciating to see her become manipulative, sly and a full second lead this episode. But what can I say. It was going to happen. Soojin's secrets revealed this episode to Kyung is about the abuse she suffers, we also see a snippet again of her fathers sexist, heartless mindset about controlling her to ensure she makes the grades. We also see her regress back to hand washing and self-harm because of the news that Suho is dating Kyung. Now, her mindset in the last episodes have been noticing the warmth, and comfort Suho brings into her life. There's no one else who sees her, knows her, and can protect her without her mask. Suho has known her for ten years. They've been each other's support system to deal with their family, now for Suho, he cut the importance of her presence in his life because he pushed everyone away after, but for her, Suho has been a consistent person to rely on.

A safe space

Kyung showing up and making Suho open and caring made her feel fear and anxiety that the only source of happiness and warmth was being taken away from her. Suho is the only thing that makes her breath, everything else is a mask that makes her feel suffocated, even her friendships; she's not been her real self with them, she's been a perfectionist. Even her revealing her truth to Kyung this episode wasn't for friendship but for emotional manipulation, and it wasn't right. Like Kyung, Soojin regresses because she's afraid to go back to who she has to be without Suho's presence, which is protection, warmth and care compared to her actual home, cold, harsh and volatile. She had to latch onto something to stay sane and to stop breaking down. Suho, unfortunately, is what she latched onto. And it is a regression on her part because Kyung is her best friend, she's emotionally manipulating and hurting her best friend to make her self feel good and get what she wants.

Still, she's not even getting what she wants because Suho isn't going to pay attention to her apart from protecting her from her father as someone should do. Soojin has been a girls girl, supportive, protective, and kind to everyone she meets but now she's regressed to being petty, conniving and mean to her own friends because she can't lose her own safe space. Kyung regressed not to lose her safe space and for Soojin her safe space became Suho. Her regression is really unsettling because how far would she go to keep her safe space, and how far will she sacrifice Kyung's wellbeing and emotions for her own gain. She's dangerous because she knows Kyung's secret, she can unload the truth about Kyung pettily and get some kind of one up on her, which is sad because she's slowly regressing into those bullies that made Kyung's life hell.

Volatile Mindsets

In fact, she shadows like I said the popular girl in episode 1, she wants to get her way, and she feels slighted by Kyung taking it away from her. Also her self esteem, her ego is being bruised because she's meant to be the one for Suho as society keeps telling her, she's the prettiest, the smartest, his equal, why would he choose Kyung who is so far not that close to her level in any way. These are the kind of thoughts that happens when trauma makes you regress. Whilst Suho and Kyung are regressing into self-hate, and self deprecation Soojins regression is the opposite direction, it's regressing into self privilege and self-obsession, it's unfortunate.

There's so much more about this episode that we can discuss like I said everyone has a secret, but when it comes to these three, their secrets and unfortunate reveals causes them to spiral into a whirl of self-hate and pain, trauma and suffering. This has been building up for a while because their mindsets have been shaped and made this way because of all the hurts and attacks by society to them, not just society that affects them this way; with these three family affects them this way, Kyung's mum, Suho's dad, and Soojin's dad their nonchalant, and cold attitudes towards their children cause them to feel unstable and worthless, and also friends also causes them to spiral this way, For Kyung, Soojin has brought back a lot of fear and anxiety about where her life is going, and Seojun's past problematic actions have returned along with Suho's guilt to make him also spiral into self-hate and regret. Kyung, Soojin's best friend, has caused her to lose her safe space. These characters have been pushed into this by people they thought they could rely on, and that's what painful.

Anyway, if anyone wants to know my opinions on this love triangle,  I appreciate Seojun he's a great second lead. Still, he's not the one for Kyung or the right person as people keep trying to say, he and Suho are still equal on terms with who she should be with. The person she cares about is Suho; the person she loves/wants is Suho. She's not thought of Seojun in that way so respect it. There is so much more going on in this show than this love triangle, so much more to discuss and fight for, each character is human and makes their mistakes, but they're all so understandable and relatable, and the pain they suffer is just insane, the psychological trauma they all hold is too much to bare, and I really hope they find their way out of this. Because right now, Suho is not going to be okay, and Kyung is in danger of her past finding her.  I'm scared for them so much. This stuff may seem overdramatic and chaotic but with trauma and pain, and self-hate and psychological distress, it's not easy to overcome emotional abuse, trauma and mindsets that make you feel you're not meant to be alive, and all these characters are going through that. And it's so painful. Let's hope we find a way out of this: love triangle or no love triangle.

[stainandscribble]

Revenant (Part 4)

Pairing: Baekhyun X OC (original female character)

Genre: Baekhyun Witch AU; fluff; fantasy; angst

Summary: To witches, names hold power, and Eleonora happens to have a very dangerous gift, one that can be deadly when misused- she has the ability to read names, true names that the witches and warlocks share only with people of utmost trust. It is a secret she hopes to take to her grave. Baekhyun had left his coven, and joined one with Suho’s. They too, possess unspeakable gifts. When Junmyeon warns him of his marriage, Baekhyun begins preparing, but so does Eleonora. With the veil thinning, and the darker half approaching, will their secrets stay safe? Or will the world burn?

PART 1    PART 2    PART 3    PART4   PART 5   PART 6   PART 7

Word Count: 4037

A/N: Part 5 and 6 are on the way :) Thanks to everyone who liked and reblogged this story so far! It means a lot since this is something new I’m trying. P.S. @lovebuginlove​ wanted to be tagged in this months ago. Sorry this took so long.

Suho woke up shivering, his wet shirt clinging to him drenched in sweat. in the back of his mind, he could tell he was not the only one who woke up like this tonight. The knowledge came to him with an unexpected uneasiness clouding his mind. It came with the image of Baekhyun waking up alone in the dark, the moonlight no longer streaming through his windows; the candles in Chanyeol’s room extinguished by a gust of wind without a source. Behind his eyelids, fresh from his dream, Alethea’s spectre stood out among the fog of sleep, her lips moving without a sound as her words rang in his soul rather than in his ears. 

“I know your name, Junmyeon.

And the world will burn because of it.”

Junmyeon’s body, still slow with sleep and with bones heavy from the weight of his name on a strangers lips, tried to push him out of bed and out his home. It was a slow and frustrating process, but he managed in the end, stepping out of his home into the street, trying as fast as the mortal vessel allowed him to get to Chanyeol’s house. Junmyeon’s sharp mind quarrelled with his body. Urging it to move faster and then, once Chanyeol's house was right in front of him, it managed to push his form to the brink. The shadow of Chanyeol’s house was dark for the first time in a long time, with not a single candle burning, not even the ones in his room’s window. It was a sight that filled Junmyeon with apprehension. He walked up the steps of the wrap-around porch before casting a charm that opened the door. Once inside, he made his way up the stairs, disoriented by the eerie darkness, up into Chanyeol’s bedroom.

Inside Junmyeon found his brother tangled in his sheets as he tried to catch his breath.

Chanyeol’s pastel pink hair stuck up in all directions as his eyes, almost black in the darkness, searched for whatever had blown out his candles. All they found was Junmyeon, with his heart in his throat as he stood in the doorway. 

Once Chanyeol saw Junmyeon’s form in his room, he motioned him closer. With a heavy hand and a command “ignis” croaked from his dry throat, he lit the candles again. 

Slowly, Junmyeon watched Chanyeol swing his legs over the bed, sitting down at the edge. His giant frame looked even larger among the shadows cast by dozens of candles. The flames writhed and contorted until Chanyeol’s shadows no longer resembled the man to whom they belonged. 

“What did you see?” Junmyeon was the first to speak, watching Chanyeol turn to him, eyes burning the same orange as the fire he was in charge of. 

“I saw my fire cool the earth and bring about winter.” He whimpered, moving back to bring his knees to his chest, looking up at his coven leader, eyes glassy and shining, clearly at the verge of tears, 

“Junmyeon,” He whispered, the tremor in his voice filled with fear and anguish, “The fire didn’t burn.”

In a flash, the leader was by his bedside, his brows furrowed and muscles tense under his pyjamas. 

“Is that why you came?” Chanyeol asks, catching Junmyeon’s eyes as his leader looks down at him. 

With weak knees, Junmyeon finally allows himself to sit, right beside his brother.

“I saw something too.” He confesses, voice low and hands shaking, a mirror image of Chanyeol’s trembling hands.

“What did you see?” He asks, eyes frantic as they survey Junmyeon’s face, his lips drawn thin in worry, his gaze fleeting. 

Watching his coven leader like that, equally worried and fearful for what this means made Chanyeol’s heart race, adrenaline rushing through his blood, leaving a metallic taste on his tongue. If Junmyeon had been fully awake, he knew that the worry he was showing now would have been put away in favour of a brave front. He wondered how bad Junmyeon thought this was if he was allowing Chanyeol to watch him worry like now. 

Chanyeol waited for him to speak, hand reaching out to squeeze Junmyeon’s shoulder as his leader gathered his words. The fire on the candles trembled with the beating of his heart. He could hardly hear anything other than the blood rushing through his ears.

“The water in my glass turned to poison.” He whispered. Junmyeon was always taught that his power over water was a blessing. Water was the essence of life. And yet, it could take it away, and the idea that his power, that he had used to be a fair coven leader, could be corrupted and used to harm was frightening.  He had called himself Suho for the very reason, he was a protector, a guardian. Not a destroyer.

He didn’t dare mention the woman who knew his name, who undoubtedly had something to do with the strange dream.

“What does that mean?” Chanyeol asked, eyes soft when he gazed down at the older man.

“I don't know.” Junmyeon stood up, wiping his cheeks to make sure no treacherous tear slid down his cheek. The clock struck three, and he was reminded that his purpose for leaving his home was not over.

“I have to get to Baekhyun.” He told Chanyeol, moving towards the door.

“I’ll come with you.” The giant said, getting up and slipping his feet into a pair of slippers resting beside his bed.

 The walk to Baekhyun’s house was short as he and Chanyeol were next-door neighbours. The two-storey house was painted a brilliant white, the wrap around porch that used to surround the lower storey had been torn down by Baekhyun when he moved in, as he had complained it made his house too dark and shielded him from the sun too much. He had fitted in stained glass windows and stained-glass parts into the windows he kept clear. It was a beautiful building. 

The air was fragrant with flowers that grew surrounding the perimeter of the home. The sweet aroma and cool air reminded Junmyeon just how tired he was. 

Side by side, Junmyeon walked in with Chanyeol into the house, then up the stairs to the main bedroom. The windows there were made exclusively of stained glass and span almost the entire wall. The glass portrayed cherry blossoms, filled by light pink cherry blossom flowers, broke up by brilliant emerald and turquoise green leaves. It was a beautiful piece of artwork. Now, the moonlight caught on them just right, refracting light into kaleidoscopic designs across the floor and remaining walls. The light of the moon was charmed by a talisman hanging by the window to fall just right across the glass.  They found Baekhyun in bed. He looked out the window, hand outstretched and fingers moving about, controlling the white moonlight.  He smiled softly over his shoulder when his brothers walked into his room. Their worried eyes and tightly pursed lips took him out of his reverie.

“What did you dream?” Junmyeon was the first to speak, and Baekhyun could have sworn he heard his heart from across the room as it beat against his ribs frantically.

“Alethea.” His soft voice rang across the room.

“What?” The worry cracked Junmyeon’s voice, made his throat thick. Cruel eyes flashed in his memory, blue and electric.

“I saw Alethea, she said my name, and the world was so bright, and warm, and then,” Baekhyun halted his explanation in favour of the shudder that shook his frame. It was almost as if it was heartbreak settling into his bones.

“And then what?” Chanyeol asked, walking further into the room.

“Faceless men ripped her from me, and the world turned dark.” Baekhyun caught Chanyeol’s eyes with his soft brown ones, his voice soft as his lips formed a pout.

“That is all?” Junmyeon questioned.

“Why? What did you see?” He turned to Junmyeon, worry rippling through him at the sight of his leaders hunched shoulders and the deep shadows under his eyes.

“Nothing good.”

-----

After Junmyeon’s revelation, the three of them moved into Baekhyun’s kitchen. They sat in the well-lit room at the small four-chair table placed under a window, sipping on steaming cups of yuzu tea from yellow mugs. The bright yellow liquid was sweet and citrusy against their tongues. Baekhyun had put out some dasik tea cookies, small colourful round treats made out of sesame, rice flour and honey for his guests. However, they lay untouched as neither Junmyeon nor Chanyeol had the energy to eat.

“It’s almost morning, are you going to try to fall asleep again?” Baekhyun asked them, rousing Junmyeon from his musings.

“No.” Junmyeon said, straightening his back.  “I’ll call a gathering at eight. Maybe someone has an answer to what this means.” He sighed, sipping on the rest of his tea.

“Do you think it’s just us?” Baekhyun asked, nervously reaching for a small cookie.

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon asked, eyes peering into Baekhyun’s.

“Do you think anyone else has these dreams too?” Baekhyun inquired. Junmyeon watched Baekhyun bite his lip, obviously worried seeing as the kitchen light started flickering. Junmyeon had felt only Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s distress, without a second thought about the rest of his coven. The idea that someone else could have also dreamt about the corruption of their powers had been overshadowed by the need to get to the two people he knew about.

“I don’t know.” He told him.  Junmyeon took the last swig of his tea and stood up.

“Go to sleep.” He told Chanyeol and Baekhyun, patting them on the shoulders before leaving. Once the front door closed, Chanyeol sighed and brushed his fingers through his cotton candy pink hair.

“I’ll go to the guest room.” He muttered, leaving Baekhyun alone in the kitchen.

---- 

“You mean you dreamt of your powers failing?” Minseok asked.

The coven had sat down at Junmyeon’s dining table, all nine of them. Jongin was still sitting there in his pyjamas. He had been almost late, and he had run out of his house to not anger his coven leader.

“Chanyeol’s fire didn’t burn, my water was turned to poison and Baekhyun’s light went out.” Junmyeon had recounted what had happened tonight, looking over his eight brothers as their eyes gazed fearfully back.

“What could this mean?” Minseok asked again, looking over to Yixing as he flipped through yellowing pages.

“According to this book, nothing good.” He answered, flipping through some more pages, their sound the only thing breaking the silence.

“It can be a few things, a shared nightmare conjured by a sleep demon. Maybe, a spirit came in through the veil, Samhain is upon us after all.” He continued his explanation; his soft voice was soothing despite the message Yixing was relaying.

“There is a third option, I know you have another hypothesis.” Junmyeon had almost pleaded, the eyes of their coven resting on Yixing as he flipped through some more pages, stopping only when he almost reached the end.

“It might be a prophecy, although the probability of that is second to none.” The eight watched as Yixing’s eyes darkened. His voice settled from light and soft to a deeper tone, and his eyes gave up their joyful twinkle. Yixing’s knowledge weighed down on his shoulders, but it had weighed down on his coven’s hearts.

“Prophecies are extremely rare. Even rarer is to receive a prophecy that directly affects the prophet.” He concluded, closing the book.

In a split second, his cheery eyes and soft voice had returned.

Baekhyun could still see the darkness lingering behind in his brothers gaze. Strangely, once Yixing stopped speaking, his eyes had fallen on Baekhyun. The intensity of Yixing stare made him want to shy away, but he remained unmoving.

“If your dreams do not occur again, or anyone of us does not dream of our corrupted power we can assume it was a spirit toying with us from the gate in the veil.” He had given the rest of the room a small smile, eyes turning to crescents.

“And if not?” Junmyeon asked, his head propped on his hand as he tried to keep himself awake.

“We have to go to Alethea’s coven. Baekhyun did dream of her, and so she might be involved.” The answer had been simple and straightforward. Most importantly, it was doable. There was no need for letters written in code or sending Yixing off across the country, it was enough to just cross the town.

“Fine.” Junmyeon nodded, looking over at Baekhyun. After his dream, he was starting to think the bad feeling he felt towards Alethea might be correct, and he hoped against hope, that he was wrong.

“She’s coming later today.” Baekhyun spoke.

“We are moving in together.” He confessed, earning a few whistles from the younger members and a pat on the back from Chanyeol.

“We didn’t even meet with her parents in their house yet.” Junmyeon spoke, slipping into the authority that Suho had as a leader. Some traditions had to be followed, especially before the Thinning of the Veil. Following traditions was a way to appease ancestors and keep the spirits from attaching themselves to you.

“Samhain is approaching. No one should be alone in their house during the Thinning.” Kyungsoo spoke, his deep voice breaking through the room like a bell. His face was blank, but Junmyeon could tell that there were affection and softness in his eyes. He was never one too superstitious. He had a point though, no one should be alone during the Thinning. The two weeks before and after Samhain were to be spent among family. This was also why his unmarried members often moved in with each other. This year Chanyeol had lost one of his usual partners.

“I don’t want to move in with Jongdae.” He complained, earning a glare from the shorter man.

“Tough luck Chanyeol. I’m not spending another Thinning in a guest bedroom surrounded by open flames.” Jongdae told him, crossing his arms over his chest.

They had argued all of last year’s celebration because Jongdae got burned on one of Chanyeol’s hundreds of candles when he tripped in the guest room one night. Chanyeol was the one hosting that year.

One thing Baekhyun and Jongdae had agreed on was that Chanyeol would not host again. 

-----

“Hi!” Baekhyun had greeted cheerfully when the door to Eleonora’s parents’ house opened, revealing the smiling woman. She was dressed in a white knit jumper and beige trousers. The thing that caught Baekhyun’s eye was the pair of emerald earrings, set in gold and dangling from her ears like two green tears. He thought they looked pretty, but he also wondered why she would be wearing the gemstone meant to aid psychic powers and insomnia.

“Hello, please come in.” She spoke, her voice even when she welcomed her into her home, a small smile gracing her pink lips.

“What are we taking?” Baekhyun asked, chocolate eyes scanning the hall, various cardboard boxes piled off to the side.

“All the jars I’m afraid.” She smiled, leading him towards the kitchen. It was a bright room; the windows were large and the curtains that hung from them were stark white and handmade.

“No problem.” He smiled, heart beating a little faster when her eyes scanned over his frame, before darting to the kitchen table in the centre, wooden crates filled with jars and glass bottles lined its surface, and the surfaces of most countertops too.

“Anything else?” He asked, eyes wandering over the rays of the sun streaming through the windows, casting flower-shaped shadows over the kitchen. Some of the light bounced off of Eleonora’s earrings too, making them glimmer. Baekhyun could not help but think she was beautiful.

“We can take these books.” She answered after a moment, pointing towards the pile by the window. These books looked more like journals. Even from where he was standing, Baekhyun could tell their pages were discoloured and some were frayed. A few at the top of the pile were visibly new.

“Are these your family heirlooms?”

“Yes. Mum decided I should take them now before Samhain celebrations begin.” Eleonora said, walking towards the pile. Instead of reaching for the books, she opened the cupboard below them, pulling out two cups.

“Tea?” A cheeky smile spread across her lips, and Baekhyun could not help the chuckle that escaped his throat. The rays of the sun fell through the windows, dancing lightly, propelled by his laughter. He hoped Elenora did not notice.

“We have ginger and lemon.” Eleonora said, putting the kettle on the stove.

“Do you have honey?”

“Of course.” She smiled, pulling out a jar of amber liquid, “Is linden honey okay?” 

Baekhyun nodded. He stood in the centre of the kitchen, feeling a little out of place in the strange house.

“Sit at the table.” Eleonora insisted, coming over to move the crates onto the floor. She could taste his nervousness on her tongue, and she found it cute, how nervous he was in her home when it was just the two of them.

Baekhyun sat down, leaning back against the chair as he watched her make tea, smiling lightly to himself. The dream he had the night before had shaken him up a bit, and when he finally lay his eyes on her he had felt a calm wash over him. It was an unfamiliar feeling, worrying so much for someone not in his coven. Watching as Eleonora worked, glancing at him every once in a while, a smile pulling at her lips, and the light forming a crown around her head, Baekhyun thought that maybe, just maybe, he could get used to this. Maybe worrying would be worth it in the end.

Soon she sat down opposite him, handing him a blue cup filled with tea, and a jar of honey to sweeten it.

“What does this taste remind you of?” He asked after a while, his hands clutching onto the cup, warming himself up.

“I’m not sure.” Eleonora answered, sipping on the orange liquid. It was sweet and warm, with a herbal undertone from the linden honey. There wasn’t an emotion it reminded her of. She looked over Baekhyun, his white hair falling softly against his forehead. His skin glowed golden under the light of the sun, and his eyes took on a light brown shade, the colour of fresh coffee. His gaze fell on her, causing the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, blood flowing through her a little warmer.

She was leaving, Eleonora realised; leaving her home to live with Baekhyun, and maybe, just maybe, that would not be a bad thing.

“How about,” She began, trying to choose her words carefully as Baekhyun’s warm eyes watched her patiently, “How about new beginnings?”

A smile pulled at Baekhyun’s lips, the kind of smile that showed off your teeth and reached your eyes.

This is my new beginning, Eleonora thought, eyes locked with Baekhyun’s, the taste of ginger and linden honey on her tongue.

------

After they had finished their tea and packed all the crates into Baekhyun’s car, Eleonora’s parents come back. They had greeted Baekhyun politely, offering him some pie before they would leave. Seeing as he was in their house for the first time, Baekhyun had decided to say yes. It was the polite thing to do, and one that had made Eleonora smile brightly before leading him from the kitchen to the dining room.

Her dining room was small, the table would fit only six people, and Baekhyun doubted that there was any need for a bigger one in their house. Eleonora’s father had offered him coffee, and when Baekhyun declined, he had tried engaging him in conversation.

“What do you do?” He asked, and Eleonora leaned in closer, wanting to know too. She knew he was an artist but didn’t know what he did exactly.

“I’m an illustrator. I briefly worked as a cartographer.” He answered, feeling the sharp gazes of Eleonora’s father, and her mother, as she walked in with pie and plates.

“A cartographer?” She asked, setting the food down and joining in beside her husband.

“Circles of Influence change often and need updating. Most covens will pay well for charmed maps.” He answered.

“What kind of charms?” Eleonora asked. No one in their Circle had become a cartographer. At least not since her grandparents' generation. It was not a job enjoyed by the younger generations.

“We draw a map, print out multiple copies, and then keep the original. If the original changes, so do all the copies. That way we can update Circles efficiently.” Baekhyun answered, a little sheepish. He had not worked as a cartographer for at least two years. It was a demanding job, too many corrections had to be made.

“Those kinds of maps are very expensive.” Eleonora’s father nodded his head. A wave of relief rolled over Baek at his approval. From the corner of his eye, he could see Eleonora smile, no doubt tasting his relief and his nervousness.

“It did pay well.” Baekhyun agreed.

“Alethea is a librarian.” Eleonora’s mother spoke, looking over at her daughter.

“I know, ma’am.” He nodded again, smoothing out invisible creases in his clothes.

“I work at the Pergamin Library.” Eleonora clarified. It was the main library in their town, with a whole section devoted to witches, a hidden part of the building was reserved for ancient manuscripts.

“You are an archivist?” Baekhyun asked, surprised that she had such a hard job. Librarians were important to witches; they kept their coven’s knowledge organised and accessible. As everyone knew, knowledge was power.

“Not yet.” She answered, reaching over to place a slice of apple pie in front of him. A smile pulled at her lips when she caught him looking, and he had smiled back.

------- 

After chatting with Eleonora’s parents, it was time to go to Baekhyun’s house. Eleonora had been quite excited all the way there. She was curious as to what his house looked like.  She wondered if there were any of his works around and whether he had a lot of space for books, which was of uttermost importance to her. She could taste apples and ginger tea in the car. At least Baekhyun was feeling the same as she was.

The most surprising thing in Baekhyun’s house was the amount of stained glass. From the outside, Eleonora could already see his bedroom window, glass painting of cherry blossom, and his door had a glass window decorating it as well, a half-circle filled with square glass panels in different colours. It was a pretty thing.

After they had taken all the crates to Baekhyun’s pantry, he had shown her around his home. His bedroom was the most intriguing, greens and pinks creating a medley of colours and shapes over the interior, making it seem magical, charmed.

“This is your room.” Baekhyun eventually said, showing Eleonora a room right next to his, one with normal windows and white curtains. Inside, a painting of the sky hung on the wall opposite the bed, white clouds light against the blue expanse of the painted sky.

“Thank you.” Eleonora spoke, smiling lightly. She would not stay there yet, but she was thankful for the space he had given her.

“I hope you like it here.” Baekhyun confessed, leaning against the doorframe, eyes playfully catching Eleonora’s blue one.

“I hope so too.” She answered, smiling back. The taste of new beginnings thick on her tongue, soothing her nerves.

“Let me take you home.” Baekhyun smiled, taking her hand before leading her down the hall.

Fate was a funny thing. It didn’t spare anyone in its wake. It certainly didn’t spare her.

------

Their dreams had been peaceful, nights filled with stars and silence as they rested in their beds. Warm. Safe.

Three days passed since Junmyeon woke up wet with sweat and dreams of blood behind his eyelids, and now Yixing was the one tossing and turning. Heart racing and muscles straining from the magic coursing through his veins, his body enveloped by darkness.

As the clock struck three, his eyes opened.

[imayjinmin]

When Darkness Meets ~ Chapter 3

BTS, EXO, NCT, MONSTA X x Reader

Word count:1.1k

Playlist: Here

Synopsis: Pissing off your rivals is not a smart decision, but when you want to prove a point. It might be the only option. Now having dug herself a grave, BTS and EXO are going to come together to find out who she really is.

“It’s so great to see you all again!”

“And who are you?”

“Wow I’m hurt. You don’t remember who has your car.” Lay grabbed my arm, giving me a stern look.

“Behave. We wouldn’t want your little secret to come out now do we?”

“Calm down, I’m not five.”

“YOU! Give it back now.”

“Okay first of all...rude, and second of all my name is Y/n not you. Your car is in my hands. Nothing has been done to it, my members and I aren’t animals. Besides how about we make a bargain?” Watching as Suho leaned forward intrigued.

“And what type of bargain are we considering?”

“I would like to join.” Getting pissed as they all laughed at my announcement. “What the hell is so funny?”

“I mean this from the bottom of my heart, seriously I do. You don’t belong in our group. No, hold on, you won’t survive in our group. Your little community is children’s work compared to ours. When I hear the Zodiacs I don’t quiver in fear, I ask who they are. You see in order to even be considered you need to be feared. Make a name for yourself and we might then consider it, but no promises.”

“How exactly do you want me to prove that I already have made a name for myself?”

“Do something that would terrify others. Put yourself on an unseen level, that’s how you make yourself a name.”

“So attacking one of you would give me a name, correct?”

“Well, yes but I doubt-” Before he could finish his sentence I jammed my knife into D.O’s leg, and shoved my gun into his ribs.

“Is this good enough for you or do you want to see more?” Glaring at Chanyeol as he went to walk towards me. “You take one more fucking step and he gets it.” Gasping as I feel a sharp pain and warmness on my shoulder. Glancing down to see a pretty deep gash in my left shoulder. Turning my head to D.O as he taps my hand.

“Watch everything your opponent is doing. Sad how you didn’t listen to your own words.”

“Drop it.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Huffing as I pulled my gun away from his ribs and pistol-whipped him. Falling to the ground he groaned.

“Who the fuck are you?!” Peeking up at the one named Baekhyun, I smiled.

“I thought you already knew the answer to that question? Now if you guys don’t mind I’ll be on my way. Oh and before I forget if he don’t get help on his leg within a half-an-hour he will die.”

Watching as they started to scamper around like chicken’s with their heads cut off, I laughed. Passing the bouncer at the front door, getting into the car and leaving.

***

Walking through the front door every one stood there. Amber came walking up.

“What happened to your shoulder?”

“Just a small cut, it’ll heal. At least I don’t look like him.”

“Him, who? What did you do?”

“D.O. If his members aren’t quick enough they might only be eight from now on.”

“You like digging yourself a grave don’t you?”

“I’ve done it for twenty-six years no sense in stopping now.”

‘Anyway how about we get you to the infirmary?”

“I’m fine Amber. Really, I’m walking, talking, still focused.”

“Yeah, but your pupils are severely dilated, and your hands are trembling. All signs of excessive blood loss.”

“You know, sometimes you know too much.”

Amber laughed as we proceeded to the infirmary to treat my wound.

***

Once she left we all rushed D.O to get his leg treated. Chanyeol and I stayed behind.

“Who the hell does she think she is?” Chanyeol declared while glaring at the front door watching as Y/n’s car drove off. Taking notice to Suho’s silence he turned to see if he was alright. 

“Yeah...she’s a strong one, huh? She wants to join our gang?” Pausing for a moment to look at Chanyeol. “Alright, let’s see want she can do.” Both jumping at the sound of screaming in the distance. Looking at each other for a second before running to the source.

“AHHH! I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T HURRY UP I WILL SHOOT YOU!” D.O screamed as they walked into the space.

“D.O are you okay?! Does it hurt?!” Chanyeol yelled as he ran and laid his head on D.O’s hand as if he was dying.

“First off...GET off of me! Second off, no not at all, I’m peachy keen it just feels lovely being stabbed, getting it cleaned with alcohol, and getting stiches!” Glaring up at the giant slowing lifting himself.

“Alright that’s enough quit the yelling. Xiumin are you almost finished?” 

“Yeah I’m done let me wrap it and you’re good to go.” Wrapping the last piece of bandage around the wound. Slowly sliding off of the table wincing at the tenderness of it.

“Next time she comes around I’m the one to kill her.”

Suho rolled his eyes. “No one is killing anyone. Now everyone to the meeting room we need to discuss a few things.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting down an overflow of question were thrown at Suho.

“Alright quiet down! I SAID QUIET! Thank you, now one at a time.”

“Are you really going to allow her in?” Baekhyun stood imploring. Staying quiet trying to think of the right words to answer.

“Well...we’ll see. I wanna to see what she can do.”

“What?! She stabbed and threatened to shoot me, may I remind you!” D.O leapt out of his seat as soon as he heard Suho’s answer, quickly reclining at the pain.

“Yes she stabbed you but she was trying to prove a point, and she’s determined. She fights for what she wants. You have to give her that.“ 

“Don’t get me wrong Suho, but who’s to say she won’t try to take us down?”

“I know she is going to try. Why else would she actually want to join?”

“Then why are we letting her in?”

“She wants a higher name in the world. If she joins she will have that, but will she ever be higher than us? No. Now Lay, you have connections to Park Jimin correct?”

“Yes. What do you want me to ask for?”

“Get her address, name, family, all of it. When you have it we leave to her address.”

[always5hineee]

Hell and Back- Chapter 19: Date Night (Trials 25-26)

Word count: 1533

Chapter warnings: None

[Please do not replicate any of the behaviors read in this book.]

-----

       "Limited power is Sehun," she said looking up. "We only have a few more people left to go. Maybe I should-"

       "Xiumin, you're up." Suho cut her off. As she stared at him, he looked at her strangely. "What are you waiting for? Hit his name." Shaking her head slightly in astonishment, she did as he asked. She felt like this would backfire later, but... there wasn't much she could do.

       "Slash someone's tires." She said.

       "That's not too bad."Xiumin said, sighing. "At least I don't have to drive off a cliff or something. Do you still have that knife, Y/N?" She nodded, pulling out of her pocket with slight irritation. She knew that it wasn't Xiumin's fault that Suho was gatekeeping the challenges from her, but she couldn't help but take it out on everyone just a little. Taking it gently from her hand with a grateful nod, he flipped out the sturdiest knife in the bunch.

       Kneeling down next to the car that they'd just crashed, he felt around for the softest spot. Limber fingers eventually settling on a particularly squishy area on the inner ring, he drew back the blade, puncturing the tire. With a hiss of air, it began leaking, causing the circle to slowly melt. Looking up to her expectantly, she checked the status of the trial. After a moment, she shook her head.        

       "Nothing."

       "Maybe you have to do all four?" Kai suggested. "It did say tires."

       "Oh, good point." Xiumin said, lifting himself up off the ground to repeat the process for the adjacent tire. It only took him a minute to get the rest of the tires, the car sinking one millimeter at a time. Looking over it, slight guilt in his eyes, he glanced over to her again. As she lifted the phone, she saw a bit of italicized text appear... never good.

       "It... It says you need to slash the tires of someone's real car."

       "How does it know this stuff?" Sehun groaned, complaining. "Like, a tire's a tire!"

       "Well, we should probably just do what it says." Chanyeol sighed. "Wouldn't want to deal with 'failure', now would we?" He joked. Despite the nature of his jest, it did bring back the memory of Luhan. She hoped he was doing okay... there was no rule against texting him, right? Maybe she should just-

       "Y/N! Are you coming?" Kai called, catching her attention. They were leaving to find another car for Xiumin.

       "Yeah, sorry!" She ran over, jumping into the car.

       "Should we just go back near the rooms?" Kyungsoo asked. "It's getting kind of late anyway, and as soon as we're done with this, we're a quarter of the way through, so maybe it's best if-"

       "No." Suho said. "We keep going. We should finish the personal trials before we go to bed."

       "Um, Suho," Chen reached to put a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're freaked out, but everyone's tired, including you. Maybe you just need-"

       "I'm not freaked out, and I'm not tired!" He said shortly, trying not to raise his voice. Calming his tone, he grit his teeth, "I just want to make progress on this. The more we do now, the less we do later. So we're finishing the personal trials tonight. After this we just have Tao, Sehun, Chanyeol, and Kris."

       "And me." Y/N said, reminding him once again that he was leaving her out.

       "...Yeah." He said, almost as if he was trying not to think about it. Did he have some sort of plan? "Anyway, we also shouldn't be slashing tires so close to where some of us live. Then we're suspicious. Just pick some random car."

       "Well, we're kind of close to the city." Kris offered. "There are always cars parked in sketchy alleys. Let's just get one of those." Everyone agreeing, Kris edged the car down a nearby alley, cars parked on both sides as he said. Getting out, Kris started,

       "We should maybe spread out, just in case something happens. Xiumin, just go to the car in the back, it shouldn't take more than two minutes. Let's go." Since Kris obviously, (and concerningly), seemed to know what he was doing, they obliged. Tao walked down to the mouth of the alley, looking off into the distance as he did so. Curious, Y/N followed him, watching as he leaned against the brick walls, looking out over the dirty streets.

       "How are you feeling?" He asked as she walked up behind her, causing her to pause for a moment. She didn't realize he was aware of her presence.

       "Alright, a little tired. What about you?"

       "Fine. Little worried."        

       "Yeah..." she said. There was nothing else to discuss, everyone was a little on edge. They were a quarter of the way through, just like Suho had said, but there was still a lot of way to go.

       "Your phone is buzzing." He pointed out, surprising her. She hadn't even heard it... His senses must have been better than hers, to say the least. Pulling it out lazily, she unlocked it, realizing that the notification was coming from the app.

       "Oh, it's the trials." Eyebrow raising, he asked,

       "Is Xiuimin's trial done?"

       "No... And it doesn't usually notify me outside of the app when trials are finished..." Looking over the text, she read it out. "Do you wish to replace player Tao's trial with a simultaneous trial to player Xiumin's? There's a countdown of a minute and a half, as well."

       "That's... strange." Tao said slowly.

       "How did it know that we wanted you to go next? Did it hear Suho talking earlier?"

       "I mean, if it knows when we complete trials, it has to have some way of observing what we do, right?"

       "So... should we accept it?"

       "Maybe we ask Suho..."

       "We're down to thirty seconds, though," Y/N countered. "Do we have time?" Eyes shifting left and right a few times, he finally shrugged.

       "I mean, I'm curious. Hit it." Pressing the accept button, the screen flipped back to the regular trial screen. Xiumin's trial compacted, sliding left to about half of its original size, a new bubble appearing to its right. Labeled, "Player Tao" at the top, the text underneath appeared. Hit on the next person that walks into the alley. Reading it over her shoulder, his nose scrunched up.

       "Really?" She shrugged.

       "I guess that's your trial now. Let's hope it's a pretty-" Just as she was making fun of him for this new development, they began to hear heavy footsteps. Peeking around the corner, one of them above the other, both of their eyes widened. The man walking towards them must have been six feet tall, middle aged and well built, dressed in what one would expect any biker-type man to wear to a bar on a Friday night. But half of those qualifications weren't being met, so why was he walking towards the alley. Freaking out a bit, Tao turned to her.

       "What do I do?!"

       "It's okay, we don't even know if he's coming in here! Just-" She was trying to console him when a deep voice spoke up from next to them.

       "Um, excuse me?" Looking up, they saw the man in question, hovering over them.

       "H-hello!" She said, waving, trying to get Tao to speak by elbowing him. "What can we do for you?"

       "I'm, uh, trying to get to my car." He pointed behind them. "So if you could just... move." Oh... OH! This was why the trial had been aside, it had to have been his car that Xiumin was slashing the tires on right now. What kind of sick twisted irony was this game trying to pull. Regardless, there wasn't much they could do now... Tao would just have to distract him. Collecting his thoughts, Tao started to talk.

       "Hey, uh... you come here often?" She nearly face palmed right in front of them. Was he serious? And after all the girlfriends he'd had, this was the best he could do? Still, it served to confuse the man, at least.

       "I... what?" He asked.

       "You look good in, uh, that... old jacket." Giving Tao a weird look, the man coughed awkwardly.

       "Look, kid, I appreciate it, but I'm 37, straight, and married, so I'd like to go home now." Pushing him lightly out of the way, he began traversing down the alley. Looking at her phone, she saw both challenges clear at the same time. She had no idea how that had managed to count as 'hitting on' someone. It was more like a verbal assault of secondhand embarrassment. Still, she frantically waved her hand for the other boys to get out of there as fast as possible.

       No longer trying to save any face, they ran as fast as they could, piling into Kris's car. Just as they heard the man shout in anger, Kris tore off down the drive, out of sight before he could even run out of the alley to grab their license plate number. Breathing in deeply, Xiumin sighed.

       "Alright, that's that I guess... So who's next, Tao?"

       "Actually," she laughed. "About that..."

Go to Chapter 20

[bobowhooo]

Potent savages

Genre : Drama/ Angst/ Smut/Trigger warningsss/ Exo, oc, and blackpink gang au!

Summary : Not everyone is cut out for this kind of fast-paced lifestyle, but for these young, rich savages, it’s second nature.

Chapter 17 : The land of sweetness and danger

  Give me reasons we should be complete...

“Heyyyy, biiitch!” Lisa said before throwing her arm over my shoulder and hanging onto me. “I thought you weren’t going to come.” Her breath smelled like all the alcohol she consumed while I wasn’t here and her eyes looked a bit dazed. Even though she’s obviously wasted her perfect ponytail is still intact and so is her makeup. I must say im impressed. 

I smiled at her while lifting her head up by her chin. “Of course I came. You know I can’t miss out on a good party.” I said. A few hours ago kai and chanyeol invited me and the girls to this new club they invested in downtown. I, being completely not in the mood, turned down the offer, but the girls went in hopes I would meet up with them later. I only decided to come because the silence in the house was eating me alive. Everyone was busy tonight so I was alone in that big mansion. I couldn’t do it. That’s how I ended up here, all dolled up and ready to party. I guess...

“Well, you look fucking delicious! I could just eat you up!” Lisa yelled into my ear as she pulled open my unzipped black leather jacket to get a better look at my tight silk black dress. 

“Says the goddess herself!” I yelled back while smiling. 

“Ahhhh! You made it! Isn’t this place just to die for!” Jennie said with her arm locked onto chanyeol’s as the big man just looked around. I nodded my head slowly at them, seeing right through their little friends with benefits act. “Come on, let’s go to the VIP area! It’s too crowded here!” Jennie grabbed my hand to lead the way and lisa stayed attached to me, following my every footstep. The luxurious club was lit up with neon blue lights that began to soften as we made our way to the desired area. Unlike other clubs we used to hang out at, this place didn’t make their VIP area obscure at all. I'm guessing this is a tactic to make people want to hang out here more. The more they see it the more want it, type of thing. I'm already not a fan. I always hated being stared at by strangers but it seems so much more unbearable these days. I groaned before taking a seat on the surprisingly soft white leather couch. 

I spotted kai with jisoo, and rose deep in the crowd of people on the dance floor probably admiring each other's lean bodies and perfect jawlines as I sipped a shot jennie poured me a minute ago. “You’re supposed to down it, aya.” Jennie said with narrow eyes. 

“I know that. I just don’t really want to get shit faced tonight.” i said back. 

“Why not? You haven’t been shitfaced since baekdumbass left you here. Maybe getting drunk is what you need to do to get over it all!” She said, an excited smile plastered on her pretty face.

I put my hand on her shoulder and shook my head. “That makes almost no sense.”

“Almost.” she smirked.

A laugh erupted from my throat as I gripped her shoulder a little harder. “I’ll think about it.” I said to end the discussion. I can’t imagine how getting drunk could possibly help at all. I downed the rest of the alcohol in my shot glass and slammed it onto the table with a smile. Jennie was beating softly on my right arm excitedly with her two hands as she watched me. “Yasss, bitch!” She laughed before pouring me another. My eyes traveled to her hands before catching a glimpse of chanyeol, who was seated right next to the girl. He was just staring me down, well more like my cleavage. I tilted my head and stared right back at him, but even after I did that his gaze never wavered, not at all. He seemed dazed. He finally looked me in the eyes and licked his lips, making me scrunch my eyebrows. Does he want me to rip his balls off his body or something? 

“Here we go!” Jennie said while holding up two shot glasses. “Why is your face all mushed up?” 

“Give me those.” I downed the two drinks with no hesitation, trying to forget what just happened. One minute he’s confessing his feelings, the next he’s staring me down like a fucking five-course meal. I swear I can’t take this shit anymore. I have to have a serious conversation with him tonight before things get out of hand. I can’t give him anything he wants. Like at all. Jennie downed two drinks herself after handing me another one. Or I could just get drunk and talk to him about it later. I smiled at jennie and we clicked our glasses together. 

Fuck it. 

I saw chanyeol staring at me again while I drank the poison in two gulps. It reminds of how baekhyun used to watch every move I made, and how it would excite me beyond belief to know his eyes were on me. It makes me want another drink. I got up to make my way to the bar after telling jennie I would be right back. I slipped through the crowd and to the bar and filled the modern style white bar stool in front of it with my silk-clad ass. A very cute boy looked up at me from behind the bar as he carefully mixed drinks in a little glass. He smiled and I smirked. His face is so sweet and innocent. Almost like baekhyun’s. Ugh, everything reminds me of baekhyun. My eyes rolled on their own when a pout took over my lips. What the hell is wrong with me. 

“Let me guess, you want the strongest drink I can make.” The cute little bartender said after handing out a drink without even looking. 

“You guessed correct, cutie.” I said back.

“I thought so. That adorable pout just screams boy troubles. And everyone knows the cure to that is some good hard alcohol.” He spoke with a little grin that makes me wanna pinch his cheeks. 

“I was not aware of this but thank you, now I know.”

“You’re very welcome. You can call me joong. That’s what my friends call me.”

“Interesting. You can call me aya. That’s what people call me.”

The man handed me my drink and tilted his head cutely. “That your real name, or just a nickname?”

“Both.” I said before sipping on what he had made me. I was surprised to taste a soft sweetness in the drink because of his earlier “hard alcohol” comment. I was really expecting something nasty and bitter. I looked up him with wide eyes and he smiled at me. “This is kind of good.” I said.

“Of course it is, I put effort into it.” He nodded with pursed lips.

“Imma need about ten more of these, my guy.” I said as I gulped down the rest of this one. 

“Coming up!” 

He kept serving me drinks and I continued to chat him up for another twenty minutes or so. I could feel myself getting looser with every passing minute. His smile is intoxicating and his conversation is so stimulating im started to think the drinks aren’t the only thing that’s making me feel this way. 

“So, what made you decide to dye your hair this very pretty silver color?” He asked.

“Well, this was my way of saying that I'm a new person. Now I just like it because it looks good with all the black I'm wearing.” I giggled.

“I can’t disagree with that. It looks really good.” He eyed me up and down as I sat there in front of him. Giggly and flirty.

“Why don’t you come over here, fuck bartending!” I yelled in his face before biting my lip.

“Well, this is my job.” He laughed. 

I narrowed my eyes before reaching over the bar and grabbing his shirt. “Fuck your job. I'm filthy rich, baby boy.”

He cocked one eyebrow before sighing. He grabbed my hand and kissed it just to walk away from the bar with a smile. How daring. I grabbed him up once more to lead him to the VIP area. I saw kai and rose look surprised when I passed them on the dancefloor as jisoo didn’t pay me any attention. I don’t know if it was because of the man I'm dragging around or just because they didn’t know I was here, but either way, they looked very surprised. 

“Everyone meet my new friend! You can call him joong! Isn’t he cute!?” I yelled at everyone in the VIP area. He laughed again while placing his hands on my hips. “Heyyy, joong!” Lisa said while clapping happily and jennie just smiled at him. “I brought him here cause I want to give him lots of money! But I don’t have enough cash! Gimme cash!” I yelled in my drunk voice while trying to put my arm on the bartender’s shoulder. He was too tall though. Joong just laughed and shook his head no. Which I don’t understand. Who doesn’t want free money?

“I don’t want money, aya. I really just wanted to talk to you more.” He said into my ear. I bit my lips to hold back my laughter. His breath tickled. 

“Blah blah, take my damn money!” I said with a giggle before reaching into my bra where I left my cash. I saw him struggle not to look at my cleavage but he lost that fight and ended up looking shamelessly. I smirked when I whipped the money out. 

“Here you go, my good si-” Before I finished my sentence chanyeol put a death grip on my wrist and pulled me towards him. Me, being fairly drunk, lost my balance and crashed right into his chest. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Chanyeol said. 

“That’s joong!” I yelled into chanyeol’s chest.

“I’m joong...”

“Beat it.” Chanyeol said in a very intimidating voice.

“Well-” Joong tried to speak but chanyeol’s deep voice overpowered him.

“I said fucking beat it.” The big man said as I felt him reach for something on his body.

“Chanyeol!” Jennie yelled. I pulled myself from out of chanyeol’s chest and saw him holding a glock to the bartender’s forehead. He looked so terrified and stunned. Has he ever even seen a gun before? My hand landed on top of chanyeol’s, trying to force it downwards. “Just go back to bartending, joong.” 

Without any second words, the man took off like a scared little boy. Like a coward. But what did I expect? Did I want him to stand up to someone with a gun? I have to remember that normal people wouldn’t do that. Any normal person would have gotten scared in that moment. Normal people run. I guess when you’re around people who would do the opposite for so long you’ll start to forget about that. Suho always said not everyone is cut out to hang with us. Not everyone is capable. And of course, he’s right.

“What the hell were you thinking!? I liked him! Why did you have to run him off!?”

“Why the hell do you think!? He was obviously only using you for money! Besides, why would you want to hang out with a bitch ass guy like that? ”

“So what! I have a shit-ton of it! I'm a grown woman and I do what I want! If I want to spoil the shit out of some cute bartender then I will.”

“Oh, so you think he’s cute? What do you think baekhyun would say about that?” Chanyeol reached in his back pocket before pulling out his phone and waving it in my face.

“You piece of shit.” I said before the man smirked at me. I grabbed his phone and threw it harshly onto the ground. “You know what chanyeol, stop being such a jealous prick and worry about your own life!” I pushed him before storming off into the crowd of people. I heard him call my name in the distance which made me even more frustrated.  I walked up to the bar and grabbed the first bottle I saw while throwing down some cash. Before I could walk off a man grabbed my arm, dragging me back towards him. No words were exchanged when I turned around. I threw my fist into the center of his face and yanked my arm out of his hand. Everyone around me stared like I did something terrible but this was really the least harm I could have done to him, in my opinion. 

“What!?” I yelled at the people staring. “Yeah, I punched him! I’m a bitch it’s what I do. If you want to do something about it then stop staring and do something!” I yelled at everyone as I swung around the bottle of alcohol I took. 

“Aya, stop.” Chanyeol said out of nowhere. 

“Fuck.” I forgot I was trying to get away from him. I kicked rocks right when chanyeol reached out for me, trying to tame me. That’s all everyone wants to do to me. Hold me down, and tame me like im a wild animal. I'm not. I’m just like everyone else. I just want some damn respect. That’s all. 

I pushed open the club doors and stumbled out into the warm night air. I walked while trying to open the bottle of whatever the fuck this is, and thank goodness the damn cork was unscrewed already. I took a few swigs as I walked on the sidewalk slowly. This is how it should be. I should be alone. Just for tonight. I need to be alone. 

I tilted my head back so I could take a big gulp of uhhh I think this is vodka. People eyed me intensely from my head to my toes as I passed them. The pretty lights that colored the city intrigued me more than ever, all the different colors sparking a different kind of loneliness in my heart. They’re much like the stars when I think about it. Shining so brightly at night like this. Shining over my lonely presence like this. If only baekhyun was here to make me feel full again. If only he could come and take this emptiness away like he used. I miss him so so so much. Sometimes I wonder if he’s doing okay out there. And I wonder if he’s standing somewhere feeling alone. Just like me. And maybe if I just stand here alone long enough, he’ll come back with arms wide open. Waiting for me to hug him. Just like he used to. But it’s so much easier to be mad than to be hurt. It’s so much easier to say I want to kill you than saying how much I miss you, baekhyun. Please, understand me.

“Aya!” 

I whipped my head to the left to find chanyeol in his black Mercedes. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please forgive me! I can even go get bartender boy if you want! If that will make you happy!” He yelled through the passenger seat window as he kept the car at the pace of my footsteps. 

“no, that’s not what I want.” I said to him, crossing my arms in the process.

“Then, tell me what you want! I’ll do anything! Just, please get in the car.”

“Tonight is the night we finally get revenge.” Minseok said as he looked through the window. 

I smirked at him, loving just how ready to go he is. My stomach has been turning all-day just because I'm scared something will go terribly wrong.  I can’t help but think about how suho must have felt ready for all this to be over at that time too, but look what happened to him. And it goes without saying that im not even half the man suho was. So, what’s going to happen to me? I would hate to think that bitch si yeon is unbeatable but what else am I supposed to think. 

“Baekhyun, I know what you’re thinking,” Minseok said while still looking out of the window. “All those thoughts are just a source of self-doubt.”

“Hyung...”

“Listen to me, baekhyun. You can’t doubt yourself anymore. This moment in this hotel room is where all of that stops. You have to trust that this will work and that you will succeed. If you doubt yourself for even a second right now, you will lose. And we’re not losers are we, baekhyun?”

“No, hyung.”

“Most importantly, when you get this done, you will be the new leader of exo. Which means self-doubt has to be thrown out of the window more than ever.”

“Wait, i thought-”

“I don’t want to be leader, baekhyun, and we both know that suho wanted you to take his place.”

“I know he said that a few times but-”

“Baekhyun, don’t make me repeat myself. I lost my best friend! This is not a game! Snap out of your insecurities and kick yourself into gear!” Minseok yelled loudly as he shook sense into me.

“Yeah, I know hyung, I'm trying.” I said to him.

Minseok pushed his forehead against mine and gripped the back my neck. “Don’t just try, fucking do it. Fucking do it, baekhyun. Trust in yourself, you hear me? I want you to show everybody the fucking hungry beast you have hidden inside you, baekhyun. And eat everything that gets in your way! You got it!?”

“Yeah.” 

“I mean it! Eat everything!”

I’ll do it for suho. I’ll leave a trail of fire just for suho hyung. I swear, no one is safe in this battle to protect everyone and everything I love.

Chanyeol pulled up into the driveway of the exo mansion after a fairly silent car ride from the club. Neither of us moved to get out because the atmosphere of the car didn’t allow it. We just sat there. Feeling all of our feelings, right next to each other. “Aya, you have to give me a break here.” Chanyeol said, daring to break the silence. 

“What do you mean?” I asked while rolling my head over to look at him.

“I don’t think you realize how hard it is to see you every day. It kills me to watch you waltz around without even knowing how crazy you make me.  And it hurts that even now that you know.... there’s nothing that can be done of it.”

“well, what did you expect, chanyeol?”

“I’ll tell you what I didn’t expect. I didn’t expect you to fall mindlessly in love with baekhyun, and I didn’t expect him to do the same. I didn’t expect you to think of me as nothing more than a friend. And I sure as hell didn’t expect baekhyun to leave you here for me to look after, even though he knows how much I love you.”

“Chanyeol-”

“Listen to me, these past few weeks with just me and you, have been so awesome. And the more time I spend with you the more I fall for you. The more I need you. I'm done holding my feelings back for baekhyun. I thought I could do it but I can't anymore. Not anymore.”

“Chanyeol, you already know how I feel. You said it yourself. I'm mindlessly in love with baekhyun. I can’t return your feelings. But I know that jennie reall-”

“Don’t. Please, don’t mention anyone else right now. This is supposed to be about us.” Chanyeol said before grabbing my hand and holding it gently like baekhyun used to. If I didn’t feel sober before, I definitely do now.

“Chanyeol.” I said with all my emotions building up. I feel so fed up with everything that I could cry. Does he have any idea how this feels? What am I supposed to say!? I thought this type of thing would never happen to a girl like me. “You have to understand I am in no position to tell you how to feel. But I have to tell you to stop where you are. This can’t go any further. Your love for me has to end with this night. Please, forget about your feelings for me. I know I sound crazy saying that like it’s easy. But, trust me, you will only get hurt.”

“Don’t you think I know all this!? Stop saying unnecessary things, aya! Just look at me. And I mean look at me. Not like a friend, or someone you don’t know. Look at me like you love me, aya. Just this once.”

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

Chanyeol pulled my chin in his direction and I got a good look at just how desperate and vulnerable he is. Just like me. I stared into his eyes seeing my own feelings in them somehow, and before I could turn away he caught my lips in a kiss. The warmth of someone who loves me giving me the affection I needed for weeks warmed my heart for a minute before I realized this isn’t the one I love. This isn’t the one I want. This isn't and will never be, byun baekhyun. 

I slapped chanyeol’s hand away from my chin before pushing him away from me. “What the hell did you just do!?” I looked at him as I brush the back of my hand on my lips to get the chanyeol off. 

“Aya, wait-”

I stormed out of the car and slammed the door completely confused and disgusted. What the hell just happened? What the hell did I just do? How come I just let him kiss me like that? That’s not what I wanted to happen. I don’t understand how I got this vulnerable. I just don’t understand. I stumbled into the mansion and threw off my shoes. I could feel my eyes burn but no tears fell as i ran for my room before locking the door and running fingers through my hair. My body pushed up against the door as it slid to the floor in exhaustion.

“Baekhyun, I'm sorry.” I whispered into the dark. “I’m sorry.”

I could feel a slight buzzing in my jacket pocket as my tearless eyes burned. Someone must be calling me. I squinted my eyes to adjust to the phone light after I got it out from its place. Without a second thought, as if I had no worries in the world, I picked up quickly.

“Baekhyun?” I spoke into the phone softly.

“Aya, you picked up.”

“Yeah.”

“I did it, baby. I handled it.”

“You did it!?”

“Yes, beautiful. I took care of it. Everything will be better now. I promise.  I just have one more thing to do and I'm coming back right after I’m done even if I have to fucking run back on my own two feet, I’m coming home.” 

“Baekhyun. Oh, baekhyun, i love you so much.” I said while pressing my hand over my mouth in happiness and shock. Finally letting the tears fall.

“I love you so much more, babydoll.”

AUTHORS NOTE: AND SO IT ENDS.....AND ALSO BEGINS?? I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED CUZ I FR FR I REALLY LIKED WRITING THIS ONE! MAYBE IT WAS CUZ OF THE MUSIC I WAS LISTENING TO and imma take caps off now wtf lmfao

Kisses <33333 lailaaa ~~~~