#remind me never to drive up to waterloo ever again

[mercuriallily]

I just acquired mint-condition jazz shoes for $10(!) and am gonna have fun painting stripes on them later tonight

[dumdumsun]

Forever and Never

A/N: One more chapter! You guys are a dream, thank you so much for reading ❤️

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, derogatory terms for homosexuality, blood/gore and death/dying

Word Count: 5690

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Eight: All Die Young

“Um… I think besides everything with Ricky… the night of homecoming was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.”

“With Bradley Lewis’s death.”

“Yeah. I-I mean, it started off as a normal day, a-a great day, actually.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Awaking to a text from Stanley Barber, informing me that he was driving us to school, was a heavenly sight. Almost as heavenly as waking up beside the boy, himself in the near future. Grabbing my phone off its charger, I rolled onto my stomach and texted him back, my feet giddily kicking in the air. It amazed me how he could change my entire demeanor within seconds. I could go from a sniveling baby to a hopping and skipping lovesick fool when it comes to Stan. And I don’t even think he meant to have this much of an effect on me. I wondered if I had the same effect on him? I never really paid much attention to it, just accepted the fact that he would never reciprocate my feelings. Even during that time, I had no idea if we were a couple or just adoring each other. It didn’t matter, though. Stan was finally looking at me the way I wanted him to.

Jacob stared at me with unease as I skipped down the stairs, prancing my way into the kitchen for breakfast. “Mom, (Y/N)’s being weird.” He called out as he opened the front door to leave. Pam hushed him before handing me a plate of food.

“Hush, now, Jacob. Let her be in a good mood for once.”

“For once?” I frowned and sat myself down. Pam smiled over at me and gingerly kissed my forehead as I began eating.

“Yes. For once.”

When I finished eating and readying myself for the day, I received a text message from Stan.

Stan: I’m outside

Me: omw

Pocketing my cell, I called out to my family before stepping outside to see Stan in his car with a grin on his face. “Good morning, lovely!” He called out above his music as I strode up to the vehicle, climbing inside. I gave him my usual greeting before leaning over and kissing his cheek. He chuckled and waited for me to strap myself in before riding down our street. It was clear he was in a good mood, because he let me pick the music for the ride. As Waterloo by ABBA flowed out of the drawn-down car windows, I felt the comforting warmth of his hand latch onto mine. Our combined hands shook to the beat of the music as we happily sang the words to the song. Remember when I said I had only been this happy one other time? This was even better. There were never any consequences to being with Stan, never a dull moment, never a hint of doubt between our bond. I’d never been as close to anyone as I was to him. And now at last, we were even closer in more ways than one.

Stepping onto the school campus, we were no longer strangers. I still walked within my bubble, and I probably always will throughout my life, but from now on there was no need to allow Stan inside. He was planning to be beside me through it all. He wasn’t afraid to be alienated with me any longer, we were to embrace it together. We were going to allow the stares, the whispers, the rumors. Allow them to act as water on a duck’s back. I was proud of him, I was proud of us. Even as I felt the dark brown glare of Ricky Berry trail after the two of us, watching our bashful and lovestruck glances throughout classes, the way we held hands in the halls. I was certain he got the message that I was no longer his, despite the forceful way he claimed me the previous week.

At lunch, I was just about to declare my spot in line when I felt a gentle hold on my arm. Stan, with a warm grin, pulled me away and walked us to an empty table. “Um, Stan, I’d kinda like to eat lunch today.”

“I know, Nugget,” He held up two brown sacks. “I made lunch for the both of us.” The way his grin grew prideful made my heart swell in affection. We sat across from each other as he slid the bag over to me.

“Awe, Stanley, you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to, though,” He shrugged and watched as I took each item out of the bag and carefully organized them. “So, about homecoming. I was thinking we could make a big deal out of it. If you want to.”

“I totally want to,” I nodded, eyes trained on my task. “What were you planning, beautiful?”

I didn’t miss the bashful blush tinting his cheeks when I snuck a glance up at him. “Uh… Well, I was thinking when I pick you up, we can take, like, a shitload of pictures. Like, just let Aunt Pam go at it. She’ll love it.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely.”

“And then after the dance, I wanna take you out to eat.”

“Really? Where to?”

“Nothing too fancy. You don’t like all that. I was driving around yesterday and saw this restaurant that specializes in their pasta,” I suddenly felt the tip of my nose being gently pinched. Looking up, Stan was playfully wiggling my nose with a goofy grin on his face. “I know how much you love pasta.”

“I do,” I laughed and swatted his hand away. “And after that? Are we robbing a bank and driving off into the night?”

“If only,” He wistfully sighed. “But alas, I’m afraid we’ll have to remain trapped within Brownsville until we’re old enough to run away.”

I gave a mischievous smirk. “The entire act of running away is rebellious. Why wait until we’re allowed?”

“Because, frankly, I don’t feel like running away,” We shared a laugh. “But in all seriousness, we go to my house and just chill. We can have a dance contest. Our last was a tie, remember?”

The antsy excitement rushed through my veins the closer the night approached. I was never one for making a scene about school dances, but this time was different. It was my senior year, I had Stan, Ricky was out of the picture. Or at least, he was for the next hour. After lunch, Stan walked me to photography class, the two of us hand-in-hand as we had been for the entire day. Approaching the door, he wished me a good class before leaning in and pecking my lips. Our fingertips lingered as he pulled away and continued to his own class. Feeling my burning cheeks, I turned to go into the room, but an arm blocked my path. “Hey, Zip.”

Inwardly groaning, I looked up at Ricky. His bruises were beginning to fade, the dark ring around his right eye taking its time to heal. I silently hissed at the sight of him. “What.”

“Listen, I just wanted to apologize. Brad talked to me the other day and… made me realize that what I did was really fucked up. Really, babe, I didn’t mean to hurt you-”

“You’re so fucking lucky I haven’t called the police on you, Ricky-”

“Yes, I know,” He sighed, discreetly rolling his eyes. “And I really appreciate it. Gives me a chance to better myself, you know? Help you better yourself. And what better way to make up for what I did than to make homecoming the most magical night for you? Yeah? We still on for tonight?”

My eyes dangerously widened at his hopeful smile, his expression melting under my fiery stare. “Are you kidding me?! Hell no! You think I wanna be anywhere near you?!”

“(Y/N)-”

“Besides, I already have another date.” I shrugged and moved to duck under his arm, but he leaned against the doorframe to decline me access inside. I quickly backed away from him, my fear kicking in at his brash behavior.

“What, Stan The Faggot? You’re really going with that fucking twink when you could be going with me?” He laughed right in my face. I lifted my chin and stepped forward.

“Don’t ever speak about Stanley that way. He’s the most kind-hearted person I’ve ever met and is an even better boyfriend than you’ll ever be to anyone-”

“Boyfriend?!” He cackled. “I knew it. How could I not? It was so obvious! You’re fucking crazy.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You don’t see the way he dresses? He’s fucking weird, (Y/N). He’s a goddamn drug dealer. What is he gonna offer you? Huh? Free weed? Babe… Come on, you are so better off with me.”

He lightly shook his head with a smile of disbelief as I took out my phone. “I just remembered. You’re not supposed to be near me, talking to me, or even looking at me. I think Jacob would love to hear about this-”

“Fuck you.” Ricky hissed before stomping away, leaving me in an empty hallway that was filled with the ringing of the tardy bell not too long afterwards. At that point, I was just about sick of guys. I was irritable during gym class, running off my anger and letting it steam off my shoulders. When the coach told us we could stop, I took greedy gulps of air and trudged to a nearby bench to rest. As I plopped down, I noticed Syd and Dina walking together to the opposite side of the field. It was good to know they were to finally talk everything out. Now for her and Stan to make up…

I was thankful for a split second for the shadow that casted over the burning sun raining down on me, but huffed upon seeing who it was. Some guy from my math class stood before me. He was shirtless, displaying his six-pack and chest glistening with sweat. He beamed down at me with a suave smirk. “Hey, Zip.”

“Hey.”

“So… I know you and Ricky are… you know. So, since the dance is tonight-”

“Sorry, I already have a date.”

“Right,” He nodded slowly, beginning to back away. “I should’ve known. No worries.”

-------------------------------------------------

“And he just walked away?!” Stan laughed on our drive home from school. My hold on his hand tightened as I tried to hold in my own laugh.

“No, he ran away!” I snorted, triggering the increase of his laughter.

“What is that, the fourth guy today?”

“Don’t remind me.” I rolled my eyes as he pulled up to my house. Unbuckling myself, I froze at Stan’s intentuous stare. He reached over and grabbed my hand again, raising it to his lips.

“I expect you to dazzle everyone like you usually do.” He kissed my knuckles.

My breath hitched. “Of course. And I expect you to do better than me, like you usually do. What time should I be ready?”

“I’m picking you up at eight. On the dot.”

“On the dot, got it.” I leaned over and pressed my lips to his. He returned it and tilted his head to try and deepen it, but I pulled away with a giggle. Stan watched in awe as I got out of the car, snatching up my backpack as I did. Waving him off, I turned and headed inside my house.

I had to look perfect. Not just for Stan, but for me. This was a new era of myself, I had shedded my skin and materialized as something beautiful. I had to showcase just how beautiful I’ve become. So, after my shower, I struck up a playlist and dolled myself up. Starting off with my hair, I simply pinned it up with white butterfly hair clips. My makeup was nothing special, other than the baby pink eyeshadow and the small application of glitter over it. To seal up the look, I added cherry lip gloss to give my lips a bit of a pop. I hoped Stan would appreciate it. My face burned at the thought of him tasting the cherry on my mouth. Backing away from my mirror before I exploded, I entered my closet. My dress was something I never thought I would ever wear. It matched my makeup in baby pink. An off-the-shoulder look that hugged my torso and flared out to the floor. I managed to zip it up myself before slipping on a pair of white heels. Turning to my reflection, I let out a breath.

I had never looked any more beautiful, I think. I remember gazing at my parents’ wedding photo as a child and wishing to look as beautiful as my mother one day. I wondered if she was looking down at me, proud of who I had become at that point. Gazing fondly down at the ring on my pinky, I blinked back the stinging of my tears.

Yeah, she’s proud.

An eager three knocks sounded at my door and I hurried to open it. Pam immediately teared up the moment her eyes settled on me, camera ready in her hand. “Oh, my baby… You look so gorgeous! Just like your mom!” She gushed. I could only chuckle as she took multiple pictures of me. Hearing a taunting laugh, I looked down the hall to see Jacob leaning against the wall, silently mocking his mother’s excitement. I kindly showed my middle finger to him, much to Pam’s disappointment. “Oh, come on. Now it’s in the picture! Jake, leave your sister alone!”

“Sorry, ma’am.” He feigned innocence and batted his eyelashes at me. I playfully sneered at him before David’s voice sounded from downstairs.

“(Y/N), Stan is here!”

Grabbing my phone, I checked the time. Eight o’clock. On the dot. That punctual bastard. Clutching my phone in my hand, I nervously made my way to the top of the stairs. Everyone was waiting for me at the bottom, including Stan. God, he looked so cute. He was wearing his baby blue suit, some sort of black and tan shirt beneath that oddly went well with the suit. Leave it to Stan to defy the laws of fashion. I could tell he paid extra care to his hair, the way it was styled perfectly for his curls to sit off to the left side of his forehead. I was sure I was grinning like a maniac as I descended the stairs, but Stan’s expression was the reason I was grinning. He looked absolutely astonished and at a loss for words. His jaw was dropped and eyes were bulging as he watched me walk closer to him. When I quietly greeted him, he couldn’t even respond. Great job, (Y/N), you broke him.

“How’d I do?” I whispered and hooked arms with him. At my touch, he snapped out of his haze and beamed at me.

“You certainly did not disappoint, lovely.”

“Awe, and you aren’t looking too bad yourself, beautiful.”

Pam squealed from the sidelines before rushing over to us. “Stanley, doesn’t she look stunning?”

“Absolutely, Aunt Pam.” He grinned at the older woman as she began taking photo after photo of us. We decided to indulge her and pose for each one. All the while, I felt a red hot glare from the side. Glancing its way, I noticed Jacob fuming at the sight of Stan and I hugged up on each other. His Big Brother Mode was going to activate the second Pam was done with us. To my horror, she finished sooner than I thought. As she excitedly showed our photos to David, I watched as Jacob slowly approached us. Just as he opened his mouth to spit some sort of threat towards the poor, unsuspecting Stan, I turned to the front door and flung it open.

“Well, we really have to go! We’re already late, you know.” I chuckled and gently shoved Stan out of the house.

“Oh! Yeah, of course!” Pam called out after us. “You two be careful out there! And have fun!”

“And (Y/N)-” Jacob began to add in a warning, but I waved him off, mouthing an ‘I know’ as Stan scrambled to hold the car door open for me. I quietly thanked him and climbed inside. The car ride to the dance was very pleasant. The hum of soft rock music fit the mood of our night as we quietly sang along. Stan found a parking spot rather quickly and leaned back in his seat after turning the car off. Bringing the visor down, I checked myself in the mirror, gently running my fingers over my white gold hoop earrings gifted to me by my dad for my previous birthday. They were pretty expensive and I hardly wore them, so why not? Hearing a click, I turned to see Stan lighting up a joint. After he took a hit, he looked my way and smiled, offering it to me. Without any hesitation, I joined him in a quick session. As I took my third hit, I felt his eyes on me.

“What?” I raised a brow and exhaled the smoke. His eyes shown in adoration.

“What a sight you are…”

“A sight? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you’re sitting in my old-school car, looking like a goddess and smoking a joint. You’re so beautiful… Just perfection.”

“Jeez, maybe I should get dolled up to smoke more often.” I joked and handed it back to him. We shared a chuckle before Stan put the smoke out. He gave me a wink before getting out of the car and rounding it to let me out.

Our highs kicked in the moment we stepped into the gymnasium. Our clammy hands found each other as we walked further in. I let him lead me through the sea of dancing bodies and bouncing balloons, the two of us hitting them out of our way as we ended up near the bleachers. When we stopped, we overlooked the scene before us as I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Best theater in town, Stan.”

“Best theater in town, (Y/N),” He looked down at me with furrowed brows. “So, why aren’t you on stage?”

“I don’t perform without my co-star.”

“Well, in that case.” He took hold of both my hands and swung us around. At that, we let loose, broadcasting our best secret dance contest moves to anyone willing to watch. I thought it was perfect. The two outcasts, both outcasts for difference reasons, wildly dancing together away from everyone else. And yet, they were the life of the party. It was meant to be. My feet stung from the stomping and jumping I was doing in my heels, but I couldn’t care less.

“I fucking hate this song!” I joyfully shouted, eliciting a laugh from my date.

“Me, too!” From the sound of our laughter, it was clear the two of us were high. Three songs later, in the middle of my rounds of spinning, I felt Stan’s hands on my waist, attempting to stop me. When I did, my surroundings rotated around me and I leaned into him for support. Looking up, I saw Sydney awkwardly smiling at the both of us.

“Oh! Hey, Syd! I love your dress.” I smiled and gestured to her attire. Her smile widened.

“Thanks, (Y/N), y-you look great.”

“Awe, thanks.” I gushed and bashfully waved her off. My attention turned to Stan, who had a look of indifference on his face, but a hint of pain in his eyes. Sydney noticed it, too, and looked back at me.

“Uh… Can I borrow Stan for a second?”

“Go ahead.” I motioned. Stan stared at me for a second before following Syd onto the bleachers. I suddenly felt very out of place, so I decided to keep my hands busy and get myself some punch. Thankfully, I found Dina there, pouring herself a cup. When she noticed me, she quickly set it back down on the table and reached her arms out for a hug. “Dina, you look so good!”

“Are you kidding me?!” We engulfed each other in a tight hug before pulling away. “You look fucking amazing! You always have to show out, huh?”

“I try…” I lowered my voice. As the two of us talked, lonely guys would come up to us and ask to dance, but we would hold hands and politely decline. After the third walked away, Dina turned to me.

“Hey, so… In detention… The thing that Jenny said about Ricky. Was that true…?” The hesitancy in her voice made me deeply inhale as I nodded in confirmation. Instantly, her eyes welled up with tears as her hands covered her mouth. “(Y/N)... I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would’ve been there for you.”

“No, no, Dina!” I quickly took her hands into mine, my heart wrenching. “It’s okay! I’m okay…”

“You’re okay? H-How are you okay?” She frowned and blinked back her tears. A warm smile twitched its way onto my face.

“Stan… he’s been making everything better…” I admitted. Dina’s face lit up before she hugged me all over again.

“Oh my god, (Y/N)! I’m so happy for you! God, you fucking deserve it, girl!” She exclaimed as I hugged back, quietly laughing at her excitement. Our hug was cut short, when Dina caught sight of our dates heading toward us. I turned to them and happily watched as they approached us, their hands lazily clasped together. Sydney held out Stan’s hand over to mine and I gladly took over. “Stan!” Dina grinned at him as he allowed me to lean against his side.

“Dina, you look, um… you look like a Christmas tree.” He awkwardly complimented as I rolled my eyes. Dina looked down at herself.

“Thanks, dude.”

“Uh-huh.” He nodded before his eye caught something. “Oh, god. Whitaker’s still watching us.” He sighed. We directed our gaze to our principal, who indeed was standing across the gym, arms folded and a piercing gaze on the four of us.

“It’s probably the most exciting thing that’s ever happened in his entire life.” Sydney crossed her arms, as well, as we all grinned. Stan leaned forward and placed his other hand over ours as he hummed.

“I don’t know, guys. I mean, we’re wanted criminals. Why are we out here in the open? Exposed. First rule of the heist is split the loot and split the fuck up, right?”

“We don’t have any loot, Stan.” I raised a brow in false confusion as Dina smirked at me.

“Yeah, all we did was disrespect this fine institution.”

“And disrespect ourselves.” Sydney finished, Stan humming again before we all shared a soft laugh. Stan’s smile disappeared as a slow song came on. I barely recognized it, but he sure seemed to know it. His free hand reached up to cover his eyes.

“Oh, no. On principle, I just- I can’t,” He groaned and began to free himself from my grasp. “Sorry, this playlist is all over the map. I’ll- I’ll be back.” He squeezed between Syd and I to leave, but I followed right behind. He was nearly at the DJ table, when I managed to stop his striding.

“Stan! Stan, wait!” I laughed and turned him to me. “Come on, I wanna dance to this.”

“(Y/N), I have to enlighten that poor DJ over there.”

“After this song?” I pouted and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I don’t care about the music. I’ll dance to anything with you.”

“That is a lie, but fine,” He sighed before his hands rested on my waist. Our dance started off with timid shuffling, Stan clearly not used to slow dancing. I chuckled and directed his eyes away from his shoes.

“Stan, it’s just swaying, I promise.” I whispered. He gave me an incredulous look before moving with me to the music. Of course, since it’s Stan, he had to add in a few spins that had us stumbling. We laughed aloud when we almost toppled over, and we earned a few weird stares, but we didn’t give a shit. Just as it seemed we were getting the hang of it, a voice that rang throughout the gym interrupted the song and dance.

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen,” Mr File announced from the stage. “If I may have your attention. Stop talking. Look up here please.”

“Thank god, they stopped the song.” Stan whispered in my ear as we turned to the stage. I playfully and gently hit his chest as our teacher continued.

“It is my privilege to introduce your homecoming king and queen, Jeff Butters and Julie Frasheski!”

As the homecoming royalty hopped on stage, we all clapped and cheered for them, Stan and I exchanging looks that said ‘I have no idea who these people are’. “What up, Westinghouse!” Jeff exclaimed into the microphone, his queen by his side, the both of them wearing sashes and crowns. “Yeah! Where my boys at? Whoo! Where do I begin? I wanna thank my mom for meeting my dad-”

His amusing speech was cut off by Bradley Lewis running onstage and clamping his hand over the mic. “Listen up!” He yelled as the feedback screeched. Our smiles dropped as he swayed, clearly drunk. As Mr File tried to take the mic from him, he thrashed about and moved away. “Give me a second! I would like to take this moment to talk about something very important that affects everyone here.”

“What the fuck…?” I muttered and watched as he turned to the middle of the crowd.

“Sydney Novak!” His exclamation sent a flinch through Stan and I, and I felt him tense under my hold on his arm. “Hey, Sydney! Raise your hand! Raise your hand! Give a wave so everybody can see you!” When she didn’t comply, he moved on, proceeding to pull out Sydney’s supposed diary and flipping through it, exposing all of her secrets to the whole school. He told about how at Ricky’s party, she had kissed Dina upstairs. As he spoke, he hopped off the stage and pushed past people to stalk closer to his victim, the path to her and Dina made clear. I could see the panic in Sydney’s eyes. My blood boiled at the derogatory term he used for her sexuality, but Stan was just about ready to pop. His jaw was severely clenched and his face was flushed red in anger. I felt him move forward, but kept an arm in front of him. But there was no holding him back after the next thing Brad exposed. “And my god, don’t even get me started on the daddy issues on this one. I mean, it’s fucking worse than Zip’s! And we all know about that!” That comment punched me straight in the gut and Stan ripped his arm from my hold, pushing his way through the crowd. “Everyone in Sydney’s life thinks that she’s a piece of shit. And I mean everyone!” His cackling was interrupted when Stan broke through everyone.

“Hey, man! Leave her alone!” He went to stand in front of his friend, but Brad immediately swung, his fist connecting with Stan’s face and sending him to the ground, unconscious. My breathing stuttered before I wordlessly shoved everyone out of the way, trying to get to his limp form. There were a few people separating us that wouldn’t budge. I growled as Brad continued, shaking his fist from the blow.

“But that is not even the weirdest thing about Sydney… Novak,” He took a few steps forward, and I watched as Sydney wiped a tear from her eye. This whole situation was fucked. “Get this. Sydney claims that she has-”

To this day, I have no fucking clue how it happened, but Brad’s words were cut short when his blood and brains exploded onto everyone near him. Including me. I heard nothing but white noise the second the blood platter smacked into my hair, onto my face, my dress, my shoes. Brad’s headless body fell limp to the ground, the remaining of his brains spilling out from where his head should have been. His head should’ve been there… His head should be there! I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My eyes were glued to the bloodied corpse on the ground. I was sure everyone was screaming and running around, but I couldn’t do the same. I saw shaking Dina’s form, trembling as she moved, but my focus snapped right back to the fucking corpse. I should’ve moved. I should’ve screamed. I should’ve ran. I should have been crying and gagging and panicking, but I just… I couldn’t. I don’t know what the fuck.

“(Y/N)!” I felt a hand pulling me by the arm, but I was in such a state of shock that I blindly let whoever drag me out of the school- no, the crime scene. I felt the cool air nip at my exposed skin, but I still couldn’t have been bothered to react to anything. It wasn’t until I felt a piece of bloody meat slip down my face and disappear into my dress that I could breathe again. I let out a blood-curdling scream as I felt it run down my skin.

“It’s in my dress! It’s touching me!” I cried. The mess of curls in front of me whipped around to face me. Through my teary-eyed vision, I could make out that it was Stan. He was awake, he was fine. But I wasn’t.

“(Y/N), what’s wrong?!”

“It’s in my fucking dress!” I gagged as I felt it run down my stomach. “Stan, a piece of his fucking brain-”

He firmly grabbed me by the shoulders and rushed me to his car. I hyperventilated as he placed me in the passenger seat. Before closing the door, he reached into my dress from the bottom and slid his hand from my knees, past my thighs and planted his palm on my stomach. He gagged when his hand touched the meat, grabbing hold of it and ripping his hand from my dress, throwing the flesh to the ground. Stumbling a bit, he shut my door and rounded the car to drive. I had to ride with my window down, letting the wind blow against my face to prevent the contents in my stomach from resurfacing into Stan’s car. He drove all around town, calling out for Sydney. He would glance over at me every once and awhile when I would gag or groan, but that was it.

What a sight I was.

Do I look beautiful now, Stan?

-------------------------------------------------

When Stan decided to give up on the search for Sydney, he sped us to his house. The sirens of police cars and ambulances echoed within my empty mind. But the moment I left the car, I hurled my guts up into Stan’s yard. He caught me before I could fall and rubbed my back until I emptied my stomach. Then when I was done, I did the same for him.

I had no concept of time, I can’t remember how long we were throwing up in his front lawn, but when we were done, he guided me inside the house and down to his room. The second he let go of me to retrieve new clothes, my entire body trembled and shook uncontrollably. “S-Stan… S-S-Stan.” I whimpered out. He returned to me with clothes tucked under one of his arms. He held me by the elbow and guided me to his bathroom, sitting me down on the toilet lid before starting up the shower for me.

“Nugget? Hey, do you want me to-”

“N-No.” I don’t know why I said that. I needed him in that room with me. He was patient enough to look away as I undressed, nearly falling a few times, and stepped into the shower. He left the door slightly ajar, so I was sure he could hear my sobbing as I sat down, letting the water rinse me of Bradley Lewis’s blood and guts.

I returned to Stan in one of his sweatshirts and a pair of his sweatpants. He stood from his bed and carefully watched the way I moved. The way I slowly blinked and walked two steps at a time toward him. Silently, he lifted his covers for me to lay down. I stared at him emptily for a few beats before complying, my back facing him. I felt his lips on my neck and gladly welcomed the kiss before he whispered into my ear, “I’m gonna shower now, okay? I won’t be long.”

“Go ahead.” I nodded, my voice barely above a whisper. As Stan showered, my shaking hands reached up and freed my locks from my hair clips. I tried to keep my crying near-silent as I did so, but I wasn’t too sure how loud I was being. Within time, he had returned and laid down beside me in bed. And from the warmth I felt when his back touched mine, I could tell he was shirtless. It was painfully silent as we both unevenly breathed. I bit my fingers to keep myself from crying again. Everything about me felt unbalanced. I wanted to be beaten even. It’s what I deserved for not taking care of myself.

“Hey.” Stan’s whisper broke my train of thought.

“H-Hey…”

“You asleep?”

“No… You?”

“No.” He muttered as I felt the bed dip when he turned around to spoon me. His leg draped over mine as his arms pulled me closer. He pressed his lips to the side of my neck as he deeply inhaled. I closed my eyes and willed myself to ask the question brewing in my mind,

“Do you have any idea what the fuck happened? B-Brad just… h-he fucking…”

“I know,” He murmured against my skin, his hold tightening as well as his throat. I could tell by the way he choked on his breath. “I… I’ll explain it another day. N-Not tonight.”

As we fell asleep an hour later, I knew he’d never explain it.

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Taglist: @nate-isnt-great @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit @a-t-h-r-e-e-n-a @moatsnow @magicalgothpandamaker

[fand0m-obsess3d-g33k]

Secrets and Seduction (Tammy x Reader)

Summary: You’re asked last minute to babysit for Tammy when some unplanned events take place which leads to an even more unexpected situation. You’re long awaited dream is about to become a reality.

Words: 3,348

Warnings: NSFW (just cunnilingus)

Author’s note: I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is my first shot at writing anything smut related so please comment or message me any feedback! It’s much appreciated!!! Also I just wanted to extend a thank you to everyone who liked/reblogged Confessions with Cordelia, it really means a lot. I’m done talking now, enjoy darlings! Mwah!

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It was Saturday afternoon when you received a text from the docile blonde who was secretly the subject of most of your thoughts these days. You knew it was wrong especially since you were quite a bit younger than her however, ever since Tammy’s inconsiderate asshole of a husband left, you couldn’t get her off your mind.

Hey Y/N, I know that it’s last minute but I just got a called in. Would you be willing to babysit Keri tonight?  

Of course, Tam Tam, I’d love to! What time do you need me? Even though you shouldn’t your mind drifted to other situations where she may need you but you shook it off before hitting send.  

Oh Y/N, are you sure it’s not an inconvenience? I don’t want to cut into any plans you may have!

C’mon Tam Tam, you know I never have plans and even if I did, I’d gladly drop them to help you out. :)  

Well as long as you’re sure. Could you get here by 4:00?  

Done and done! See you then! :)

You looked at the time...3:00. An hour to get ready, you had to look nice in front of Tammy even if it was only for a little bit. You went up and grabbed your favorite burgundy dress as your mind reminded you that Tammy complimented it the one time she saw you wear it. It had sheer lace quarter length sleeves and fell to just about the knees. You brush your knotted Y/H/C mane before adding some winged black liner and mascara. You completed the makeup with some deep reddish-brown matte lipstick. Before exiting and heading out into the fall air, you throw your black pea coat and flats on.

When you arrived, you noticed the blonde carrying heavy duffel bags to the trunk of the car to which you rush over to take a couple from her hands. Tammy releases a sigh of relief before heaving the bags into the trunk with a loud thump. She was breathing heavily from the exertion; her hair was slightly tousled from sweat and trying to rush around yet she still looked breathtaking as always. You felt your mouth go dry as your mind started wandering to other moments when she would look like this.  

“Y/N? Y/N!” Tammy shouts snapping you out of your daydream. Her hand coming to rest on your shoulder, the touch gives off heat so intense you feel it through your rather thick coat. “Are you alright sweetheart?”  

“Y-yeah Tam Tam, I’m sorry I was just thinking, you know how I get.” A nervous laugh escapes your mouth making her giggle. Her hand giving your shoulder a squeeze before releasing it, she opened her mouth like she had something to say but was interrupted by her cell phone ringing.  

“Yes...yes. I’m leaving now Lou, see you in a bit. Bye.”  

You tense up when you hear Lou’s name leave the beautiful woman’s lips. You knew they worked together, granted you didn’t know what they did for work but early on you decided that was none of your business. If Tammy was happy you weren’t going to pry. Lou was at a party that Tammy had once, she seemed really nice nevertheless you had a sense of distaste towards the other blonde when you realized she was rather handsy. This fact too was none of your business since Tammy was not yours to claim but you couldn’t help being bitten by envy. It wasn’t known if the mother was interested in women yet if she was your mind knew that Lou would have a way better shot than you would, it hurt. The blonde shut the trunk before giving you a quick hug.  

“Thanks, so much Y/N, I owe you breakfast. Stay the night if you don’t have any plans tomorrow. I’ll see you later tonight!”  

“See you!” You yell back as she drives off with the window down waving at you.  

It was about 7:30 and you had put Keri to bed after your hours of making food for you both, painting her nails and dancing around ridiculously around the living room. The little girl was so adorable that you could never be upset when she was around. As you stood in the doorway watching her little form sleep for a minute before switching off the light your mind flashed back to a time six months into babysitting the little cutie. It was a night you just happened to hang out at the house because Tammy invited you for dinner as a thank you for your help.

“Looks like someone was sleepy.” You whispered to Tammy in the kitchen, pointing to the little girl’s body passed out across the couch. The gentle mother came in bending down to pick her daughter up, you stuck your arm out to stop her. “I got her.”  

You carried her up to her room, while Tammy finished up the last dish that was in the sink from dinner. Carefully you made it up the stairs into the girl’s room to tuck her sleeping form in, she stirred a bit as you told her goodnight and kissed her forehead.  

“Goodnight, love you Y/N.” The girl mumbled sleepily before turning over to continue sleeping.  

Your eyes were wide and your heart swelled. It was the sweetest thing ever, you realized Tammy thought so as well because when you got to the doorway she was standing off to the side. A beaming white smile lit up her face and a single tear was rolling down her cheek. You look to her with furrowed brows as if to ask ‘are you okay?’. As if reading your mind, she wiped the tear away and nodded smiling even wider before you both headed back downstairs.  

Just to give Tammy an update you texted her real quick to tell her Keri was asleep in her bed. After an hour passed with still no sign of the older woman so you snuggled up on the couch and switched-on Netflix and decided to watch Carol. It was one of your favorites and since the older woman was running late you figured there was no harm, she probably wouldn’t be back for a couple hours. Before the movie even started you heard the front door open and you frantically searched for the remote. Where in the hell did you put the remote? It was too late to change it, Tammy was already in the door, kicking off her shoes and walking over to you by the time you found the controller and were only able to pause the movie. The blonde doesn’t pay much attention to your frantic actions and proceeds to enter the kitchen while apologizing for being late and not being able to text you with a time frame like she usually did.  

“It’s okay. I know you get busy.” You say shrugging.  

“Would you like to have a drink with me? It’s been a long night.” Clinking of glasses came from the kitchen and you get up to join her, this wasn’t the first time you’d joined her for a glass of wine or two.

“Sure!”  

Tammy caught sight of your outfit for the first time that night as it was previously covered up by your coat on your arrival. Her mouth went dry as she took in your appearance and she was mesmerized, wine glasses all but forgotten for the moment.  

“Tam Tam...Tammy the wine!” You say louder to get her attention as the red liquid continued to overflow the glass making it spill onto the counter top.  

She looked down; eyes wide as she said ‘shit’ under her breath. You rushed over and grabbed the roll of paper towels that she was frantically looking for. After you were both done cleaning up the mess, she looked up at you with flushed cheeks, wiping the sweat from her palms on her shirt. “You look lovely Y/N.”  

It was your time to blush while avoiding her gaze as you thanked her quietly. She offers you the glass that she didn’t overflow while she herself bent down to the glass and slurped the liquid from the rim of the glass until it was low enough to pick up and carry to the living room. With the remote in hand, you were getting ready to quickly switch Carol off until she interrupted you.  

“I’d love to watch a movie. What were you going to watch?”  

Your cheeks get hot once again. “Carol. We don’t have to watch that though we can watch whatever you want.”  

She seems to ponder the title while she sets her glass down on the coffee table. “Oh, I’ve never heard of that movie I’d love to watch it! Go ahead and start it up and I’ll make us some popcorn, how does that sound?”  

Like I’m going to want to crawl into a hole to wallow in my embarrassment. You thought.

“Sounds great!”  

The movie starts playing and you practically shove popcorn in your mouth with every Therese and Carol scene. The next time you try to reach into the bowl you were shocked to feel soft skin against yours, you both pull your hands back slightly before taking turns grabbing more popcorn. After Tammy’s second glass of wine was gone you noticed she sat down closer to you on the couch now right up against your side actually now that the popcorn was gone. The bowl forgotten on the coffee table along with your finished glasses. You were relieved that the wine had helped you relax a bit, the blonde hadn’t seemed to mention anything about the two women interacting on screen which you took as a good sign. The perfume scene was now playing on the screen and you swallowed hard still a little nervous that the woman beside you will question you or comment. Instead, you feel a soft hand land on your knee before she copied Therese from the film, leaning in and nuzzling her nose into the side of your neck under your ear. She breathes in your perfume; it was her favorite you guessed since she typically always commented you when you wore the fruity scent.  

“Hmm...you always smell so wonderful Y/N.” Tammy whispers.  

Thankfully she turns her head and continues watching the movie that is until the Waterloo scene comes on making you shift in your seat a bit. You’re watching a lesbian sex scene with your very straight crush! How could you not squirm? Why did you agree to watch this with her you idiot? Because you can’t say no to her the other side of your brain rationalizes. With the internal questions reeling in your head, you don’t realize that Tammy’s face got closer again until you hear her speak.  

“Are you getting a little hot and bothered sweetheart?” She purrs in your ear making you shiver at the low octave of her voice. “I see the way you look at me Y/N. Do you think about me sweetheart?”  

You swallowed hard and your body betrays you by shivering again by the words being whispering in your ear. The light graze of unbelievably soft lips against your ear lobe.  

“Yes.” You breathe out.  

“Look at me Y/N,” You do as she says, her expression absolutely serious, “if you feel uncomfortable tell me okay?”

You quickly nod your head. This brings a smile to the blonde’s face before she brushes a piece of your Y/H/C hair behind your ear, her thumb caresses your cheek. You subconsciously lean into the touch and release a huge breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Soft lips ghost over your own testing the waters before coming back for more with more pressure making you moan. You allow your hands to get buried in the golden tresses that you’ve longed so many times to touch bringing her closer to you as you kiss her with the same amount of enthusiasm as she did. Your lips trail along her jawbone to her neck where you kiss and nibble here, a mixture of gasps and moans leave her lips sending heat straight to your core. However, intruding thoughts pushes forward...what about your friendship? Why you? You pull back to look at her.  

“I-I’ve wanted this for so long Tam Tam...are you sure you want me? Y-you don’t want Lou?”  

In response she turns away from you, your stomach sinking for a minute regretting the questions that flowed from your lips until you see she undid her button of her pants.  

“First of all, Lou is with Debbie and no I do not want Lou. Come here Y/N.”  

You move closer to her on the couch until you are right beside her; your knees bumping her legs. She gently grasps your wrist and brings it into the waistband of her pants to cup her core through her underwear. Her thoroughly soaked underwear. You gasp shocked not only at the gesture but also at the fact that she was so wet, another shot of heat goes directly to your own core which you were sure was just as wet as hers. You move your fingers over her core just barely touching, she releases a small moan and grinds into your hand for more pressure.  

“Is that what I do to you?”  

She nods biting her lip and grinding into your hand once more. To Tammy’s dismay you remove your hand before kissing her again, your hands grab the hem of her shirt pulling it off and tossing it aside. If you were being honest you expected nude-colored undergarments, not that you minded because either way this is what you’ve wanted for so long. The subject of your dreams, and fantasies just...Tammy. You were pleasantly surprised to find that her bra was a dusted pink color that looked so beautiful against her pale skin. In an instant after drinking in the sight before you, your lips are all over her pale skin. First her lips, then her neck, from there your lips are everywhere...her collarbone, licking at the parts of exposed breasts that weren’t confined by the bra. Tammy arches her back to which you take this opportunity to reach around and unhook the material, tossing that aside to lay with her discarded shirt.  

Tammy watched in awe as she watched your Y/E/C eyes darken in lust before she felt your soft hands caress her perfectly sized B cup breasts. Just the right size to perfectly fit in your warm hands. She gasped when she felt your tongue flick against her nipple before taking her breast into your mouth, sucking on it before releasing it with a pop. All the while shimmying out of her pants as your hands made quick work of simultaneously pulling them down your hips. The blonde’s honey brown eyes met yours, the desire in them matching yours.  

“Y/N, you are wearing too many clothes sweetheart.”  

The words come out in heavy rasps and you realized you could get used to making Tammy breathless.  

“Can you help me out of them Tam Tam?” You ask with the same rasp to your voice.  

“I thought you’d never ask.” She leans towards you as you turned around for her to unzip your dress. As she did so you felt the coolness of her knuckles pass over the skin of your back causing you to shudder and gasp. The older woman’s mouth found the same spot and slowly kissed from your shoulder blades up to the side of your neck, prior to slowly dragging the top half of your dress over your shoulders and down to your hips. Her hands drag along the same path afterwards it felt like heaven, it was too good to be real. You needed confirmation as her lips then followed the path, she was everywhere.  

“Tell me I’m not dreaming. Tell me this is real.” You breathe out, craning your neck to the left side to give those wonderful lips better access to your pulse point. A nibble to that exact spot made you moan deep in the back of your throat.  

“Oh, Y/N this is very real. Stand up please I need to see you.”  

Tammy watches with hungry eyes as you do what she says and remove your dress revealing your black bra and panties. The primal look in those honey brown eyes is something you had never seen before however; it was definitely something you wanted to see more of. Her hands grab your hips gently and pull you towards her still seated form on the couch, her long slender fingers hook in either side of the waistband of your panties then slowly peeled the fabric down your legs. The older woman noticed your fingers fidget nervously at your sides as if wanting to cover up, which makes her take action by moving to the edge of the cushion and placing a kiss to the skin above your mound.  

The older woman scoots down the couch and lays back flat against the cushions then politely instructing you to straddle her hips. You follow her instructions of then removing your bra and easily follow as her hands press into your back causing your torso to lean forward. Her hands and mouth find your breasts sucking, kissing, and touching the ache in your core grew stronger to the point where you could barely stand it. Tammy must’ve felt your arousal against her hip bone because she grinded her hips up and moaned.  

“Come up here please sweetheart.” It took you a second to realize what her words were meaning exactly until your brain processed exactly where she wanted you. You were still hesitant though, no one had ever done that for you what if you didn’t smell or taste good. Tammy’s hands grabbed both of yours intertwining your fingers, the action made your stomach flutter. “Do you trust me?”  

You instantly nod. You trusted Tammy more than a lot of people in your life. This made you feel confident enough to let go of hands and climb your way up her body finding your balance on your knees straddling the beautiful woman’s face. A kiss is placed against your clit making you jump slightly. Within seconds you felt the older woman’s tongue on your pussy swiping through your folds before coming to suck on your clit. Your legs started to quiver but then you whimper in disappointment when you feel the lips release the sensitive bud.  

“Tammy.” You whine.

“Not yet.” You hear her mutter softly.

“Tammy please.” You whine again this time looking directly into her eyes. This is her weak spot, just like you, she never wanted to deny you anything.  

“Just remember you need to be quiet. Can you do that?”  

“Y-yes...yes just please Tam Tam, let me cum for you.”  

A moan leaves the beautiful lips below you before you feel the long thick tongue attacking your pussy again swiping through your lips once again before entering slowly into your soaking wet core. You had to bite your lip hard in between your teeth to keep your moans and screams at bay, her tongue was so talented as it filled you and hit the sensitive spot inside your walls. Fingers started rubbing your clit in quick, tiny circles, you looked down at her with your mouth open wanting to scream but thankfully no words escaped. Your Y/E/C eyes met hers and that was your undoing. Your thighs spasmed, pussy walls clenching against the warm, talented tongue belonging to the most beautiful woman. It was the most intense orgasm you’d ever had.  

Tammy quickly cleaned up every drop of your arousal moaning at the taste until you came down from your high. Moments later you laid there for a moment in each other's arms breathing heavily, feeling her fingers draw little patterns on your back.  

“Can I taste you Tam Tam?” You asked quietly.  

She smiled like a cat that caught a canary and kissed you passionately before sitting up.  

“Grab the clothes and follow me upstairs sweetheart.”  

[quentinblack]

Smoke and Mirrors

Chapter 5: Andromeda II - Wotcher! (link to fully story on FF.net)

Featuring: Andromeda Tonks, Teddy Lupin, Bobby Tonks.

Word Count: 2.4K words

Warnings: References to Alzheimer's

Andromeda shuffled down the street with Teddy as quickly as she could.

It had started spitting, which was something she hadn’t counted on when she’d left the house just ten minutes ago. It looked like it was going to be a nice spring day, with the sun shining and barely a cloud in the sky, but then the sun had cowered behind one of those clouds and now it looked as though the heavens may open.

This was the trouble with travelling the muggle way. You didn’t have to worry about taking an extra coat or umbrella if you were using the Floo network or apparating. Andromeda couldn’t fathom how the muggles managed to cope with the unpredictability of the weather. You’d probably be alright if you lived in a place that was perpetually cold or hot, but not in Britain where the weather seemed to change on a complete whim whenever it fancied it.

Andromeda couldn’t see much of the pavement that she was walking on as Teddy was held tight to her waist in his blue baby sling, which meant he took up most of her peripheral vision. This was a particularly large risk as they were walking the streets of Fratton, which quite possibly has the largest ratio of dog-shit to pavement in all of England.

If avoiding dog-poo wasn’t enough of a challenge in itself – Andromeda also had to navigate the absolutely bewildering road system. There were some stretches of pavement on the way to Fratton Station where when crossing a road, or merely just from pavement to pavement - you would have four different directions of oncoming traffic potentially coming at you!

Andromeda struggled to understand the way muggle roads worked at the best of times, but Portsmouth was by far and away the most difficult. Ted had always said that if you could learn to drive in Fratton you could work out how to drive anywhere. Nymphadora had never had the patience for it and had much preferred apparating everywhere once she was of age.  

Andromeda caught a slight glimpse of the train approaching in the distance. The platform was pretty busy with lots of families bustling here, there and everywhere. The red and blue train sauntering into the station almost resembled a sliced-open Battenberg, with the front of it dead flat and the rest of it sort of curving out.

Ted always said the modern electric locomotive trains were a wonderful feat of British engineering, but looking at the industrial, ugly train as it approached the platform – well, it certainly lacked the glamour and pizzazz of the Hogwarts Express.  

The journey that they’d be taking would probably take them the best part of four hours, with their initial train to Waterloo clocking in half of that time. There was something about being on muggle trains that Andromeda found quite relaxing and enjoyable, perhaps it was just the nostalgia of those long journeys to school when she was younger.

In truth, Andromeda was just glad to be out of the house. It was a chance to get some fresh air and to be around lots of people, even if those people were only there for a passing moment. She’d been cooped up in that house for almost a year in hiding and barely seen more than a handful of people in that time – and half of the people she had seen had been there solely to torture her.  

The time on the London bound train flew by and before she knew it they’d gone right through the Hampshire countryside and into Guildford, before eventually docking into Waterloo. The station was absolutely heaving with people and Andromeda struggled to work out where exactly they were meant to be going, but eventually a kind station guard directed her to the Jubilee underground line, which would take them to West Ham where they could make their connecting train.

It wasn’t her first foray on the London underground as she’d travelled on it many times with her late husband, but it was her first time along and she felt quite uncomfortable. The tube was jam-packed with foreign tourists and Andromeda could barely even fit on the carriage when she first got on.

The one silver lining of travelling with Teddy was that almost immediately a tall, bald man wearing a white t-shirt that read “ATLANTA 96” offered his seat to her. Andromeda thanked the man and noticed that the 5 multi-coloured rings on his shirt very much looked like Quidditch hoops, but she quickly learned that he was definitely a muggle when she saw him reach for his portable telephone and start talking into it.

It took a lot of sweat and a few tears from Teddy, but it wasn’t too long before they found themselves on the C2C train heading to Southend. Andromeda was very thankful when a dark skinned man offered up his seat to her and she stared out of the window as the train departed the East-London platform. It had been an early start for the both of them and Teddy soon nodded off in her lap – and it wasn’t long before Andromeda herself followed suit.

~ ~ ~ 

Andromeda’s eyes shot open as Ted’s cry gradually shifted into that of her grandson’s. She looked down into her lap and saw little Teddy’s tears dry up slightly when he noticed that she was awake again.

She shifted uncomfortably on her seat and as she saw the sea outside her window noted that they were almost there now. Andromeda felt her bum and back ache a little as she moved. Their carriage was now virtually empty, with only a mother and small son a few seats down and a greasy looking teenager in the corner for company.

The lad in the corner had short, spikey gelled hair and was wearing a black t-shirt with ‘Austin 3:16’ in block caps on it. Andromeda assumed his t-shirt must be some sort of religious reference – he didn’t particularly personify what she’d come to think of as the Christian-type, but she still struggled to get her head around muggle customs despite being married to Ted for the best part of 25 years.

The little boy a few seats down was fully engrossed in playing with his spaceman plastic action-figure, whilst his Mother read a book called Bridget Jones. This thankfully left Andromeda free to daydream outside the window as she stared into the sea and Teddy rested his eyes again in her lap.

This is the LTS Rail Service to Shoeburyness. The next station is… Westcliff. Please ensure you take all of your belongings with you when alighting the train.

“That’s our stop Mummy, isn’t it?!”

“No, no, Harry, Southend is one more after this one sweetheart”

Andromeda couldn’t stop herself looking over at the excited little muggle boy and his mother a few seats down from them.

“Mummy?! Mummy?!”

“Yes, Harry?”

“Are me and Buzz allowed to get some sweets when we’re out in town? We promise we’ll be good!”

“What do you say, Harry?”

“PLEASE!”

“That’s better! Now if you promise you’ll be a good little boy and are on your best behaviour whilst Mummy gets her eyes tested and pops into Boots for her prescription, then I’ll let you get some pick and mix in Woolies.”

“YAY!! Thanks Mummy! You’re the best!”

Andromeda almost allowed a slight smile to escape her permanent poker face. It did warm her heart to see the little boy’s face filled with such joy as he embraced his mother, but unfortunately it also served to remind her that Teddy would never experience such joy with his own mother, which made her feel very dejected as she glanced down at him.

She supposed at least in his Godfather he would have a positive male role model – and someone who actually understood what it was like to have no parents.

~ ~ ~ 

Teddy stirred slightly at the sound of the seagulls scuffling over some discarded vinegar-soaked chips on the pavement. The sudden movement from her grandson caught Andromeda by surprise and she instinctively reached out to grab him, forgetting that he was tightly secured in the muggle baby-carrier that Ted had originally bought for Nymphadora.

The mini panic caused her to momentarily stop in her stride, but Teddy didn’t notice as he was already back to sleep. He wasn’t as light as he once was. It was only really that he’d been such a tiny new-born to begin with that meant she was still able to carry him when walking in the first place.

Andromeda found the turning she was looking for and headed down it. Their destination wasn’t far now and she’d soon be able to have a nice sit down and a cup of tea. She saw the giant cherry tree in the distance and headed towards it, quickening her stride and walking into the road momentarily to avoid the litter on the pavement.

It looked like a fox had a fight with a black sack full of rubbish the night before – and the fox had won, quite comfortably, as the street was littered with empty juice cartons, crisp packets and banana skins. The middle aged-witch had to double take, as she could’ve sworn that one of the crisp packets proclaimed to contain Vanilla Ice Cream flavour crisps. It must be a strange muggle thing, she thought.

The tree came fully into view and shaded them from the sun, as Andromeda walked up the path towards the big red front door of Stapleton House. She pulled the door-knocker back a few times and after a few moments the door made a buzzing noise, indicating it was now unlocked.

A slightly tanned lady with a friendly smile on her face greeted them at the door.

“Oh hello,” she said in that very distinctive voice adults only ever use when talking to babies. “And what lucky person are you here to see today?” she asked Teddy warmly, although of course she was really addressing Andromeda.

“Robert Tonks,” Andromeda said.

“Robert Tonks…err… Robert… OH! You mean Bobby!”

“Yes.”

“Oh that’s fantastic! It’s been a little while since he’s had any visitors. I’m sure it will make his day to see you both. He’s down in room 14. Follow the hallway all the way down, take the first left, then right and he’ll be in the room next to the garden.”

“Thank you,” Andromeda replied courteously, not wanting to make too much of an impression on the nurse in-case she started asking any questions.

Andromeda opened the door to room 14 and saw Robert Tonks sitting in a brown armchair facing away from the door. He was staring at the television that was bizarrely not actually showing anything on it at all. It was just a black screen, with lots of yellow and blue writing on it.

She looked over at his bed frame which read:

ROBERT “BOBBY” TONKS.

ALZHEIMER’S.

DOUBLE INCONTINENT.

“Hello Robert,” Andromeda said warmly. The elderly man, now in his 70s with not a spot of hair on his head turned around instantly and looked at her curiously through his glasses.

“Hello,” he said blankly. “Who are you?”

“It’s me, Robert, Andromeda. Ted’s wife,” she said calmly. He had been losing his memory for the best part of three years now, so she was used to having to be patient with him.

“Andromeda…Ted’s wife… Ted. Ted…” he pondered to himself. It was evident that he was trying very hard, but could not quite put it together in his mind.

“Your son, Ted,” she prompted.

“My son…Ted…Ted…Ted! My son Ted! Yes. Yes of course. Chip off the old block, just like his old man. Kind and loving like his mother, too. Are they here too? Ted and Agata”

“No… no not today Robert. They’re busy today, but I am sure they’ll be here tomorrow,” she lied.

It was much easier that way.

Ted’s mother had died of cancer about five years ago, long before Robert had started losing his memory and had to be put in a care home. But he often forgot. The first few times her and Ted had taken the painstaking trouble of telling him that she wouldn’t be visiting him that day, or ever again, because she was dead – and it was horrible. It was like he had to go through the whole grieving process all over again.

The least they could do was spare him from that, although now it wasn’t just Agata who was dead. It was his son and granddaughter too. But Andromeda had barely been able to grieve properly for either of them herself yet. She was hardly about to stroll on in and announce to him that they were dead.  

“Oh. Well, at least you made the trip ehh, Andromeda? And wow… my goodness. Is that? Is that little Nymphadora? Haven’t you grown sweetheart?” he said in amazement at Teddy.

“No, Robert. This is Nymphadora’s son, Teddy. He’s your great-grandson,” she said smiling and lifting Teddy up and taking him over to meet Robert.

“Great? Great-grandson?” Robert uttered in disbelief, as he took Teddy into his arms.

“You see that, lad,” he said, pointing to the television screen with lots of writing on it. “That’s the Premier League table. The 20 best football teams in England play each other twice, then whoever gets the most points at the end wins the title. And look at that. It’s the last day of the season and look who sits at the top…The Arsenal! That crazy French fella Arsene Wenger has only gone and won it for us hasn’t he?!”

“I said to Ted we were mad to hire him. Should have gone for Johan Cruyff. But look at that – he was right. Said all along Wenger would win us the league!” Robert mused to nobody in particular.

Andromeda was always amazed at how no matter how badly Robert’s memory deteriorated – he would never forget anything to do with football, or conversations he’d had with Ted in relation to it.

Robert suddenly looked over at Andromeda in slight panic and fear. He ushered for her so he could hand Teddy back.

“Are you okay, Robert?” she asked worriedly.

His face was fluxed with shame and anguish.

“I’m sorry Andromeda. I think you’ll have to call for a nurse…I’ve messed myself.”

[frejahertziswritingthistime]

An Education chapter 24 (finale)

A/N: Oh. My. God. I CANNOT believe this is the end. I’ve been quite emotional writing this chapter, and the look back to the beginning of this has brought a little tear to my eye. It has been such a wild ride for me to write, and I’ve seen my own growth with this story. I’ve learned so much, and I’ve enjoyed every single comment, reblog, like, ask and message I’ve gotten for this story – this has really been a wonderful experience, and I’ve truly, honestly, loved every single second of writing this.

Now, to some less sobby stuff! This is the final chapter, BUT fear not, I might do a sequel (gasp, I know), and I’ll definitely do a few one-shots; sort of a day in the life-thing AND definitely a smutty one-shot of Freyja and Sam getting it on.

Without further ado, enjoy the final chapter of my longest running fic, and let me know if you’ve loved it!

As always, remember, I always say yes to requests, and feedback feeds the writer (I am a very insecure writer)!

MASTERLIST

An Education masterlist

Buy me a coffee – find my list for commissions here

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Angst, language, a little flangst (I guess)

2 months in Hel

 I had so far managed to get on Hel’s nerves in more ways, than I had expected. I had managed to get Baldur in on it, so we frequently sang Wannabe, My heart will go on (duet-version, of course), Eye of The tiger and Waterloo – I had to teach Baldur every single song, but it didn’t matter, as soon as we saw Hel’s face. It was worth it.

I had also tried my hardest to make her fucking insane. I kept up the soccer-mom “it’s just a phase, honey”, whenever she showed up, along with lines like: “Oh, honey, black makes you look so ashy”, “have you ever tried to do a pink wardrobe instead?” and “You just need a little concealer!”. Needless to say, Hel was close to a nervous breakdown.

I was currently in the throne-room, walking in circles, searching for something, anything, that could make Hel more annoyed than she already was – I had been humming “Under the sea” for the duration of the day, and Garmr was bouncing around after me, woofing gently and tail wagging. Hel had been so damn pissed, that Garmr seemed to like me more than her, which I utilized to the fullest extent – I had taught him to sit, roll over, play dead, high-fives and he was now always only a step behind or in front of me, whenever I went anywhere.

It was hard, though. I had a sense of time was slipping out from under my fingertips. The longer I stayed, the harder it would be to get back. I knew that Freyja had told me, I could go back, but it felt as if sand was running through my fingers. Like I would disappear, be dust, with a snap of Hel’s fingers. I also knew, that time moved slower down here – my two months might be four years in the real world, which meant that the longer I stayed, the older my daughter was, and the possibility of Dean finding someone else was imminent.

It scared me. I talked with Baldur a lot, trying to hear if Freyja had kept tabs on Dean and my daughter, but she never answered those questions. She always told Baldur that the world was right again, Loki had been put back to his old punishment, which, to be fair, did sound awful. He was chained to a cliff, with poison dripping down, one drop at a time, onto his forehead. I idly thought that it wasn’t enough. He needed to suffer even heavier, than he did. Baldur was sweet and caring, trying to keep my spirit up – he made small lights flicker around me, shaped like fairies, sun, trees, anything that would remind me of what I was returning to. If I did return.

I was starting to lose faith, that Hel would ever let me go. I knew it had to be by her own hand, that I was set free, she would have to release me, but so far, I had only managed to make her angry. Annoyed. I doubted it was enough.

I danced around, humming Under the Sea, while Garmr was running in circles around me, tongue hanging out, his spit creating small sizzles and smoke-puffs, as it hit the ground. His spit was some sort of acid – at least he knew never to lick me anywhere. I was sure, even though I was technically dead, it would hurt like a bitch, if he did. I smiled down at him placing my hands out, and he quickly placed his front paws on my palms, hopping and bouncing, as we danced together. I heard the low growl of Hel behind me, and I stopped to turn around and look at her.

She was sitting on her throne, her long, pointed fingers squeezing the bridge of her nose, as if she had a migraine. A fleeting thought of wait, can Gods get migraines entered my mind, but it quickly pushed it aside; I knew instinctively that this was my one shot. This was what I had, this little moment of weakness she showed, was my way out.

I quickly scanned the circular room, spotting a few hands trying – once again – to grab the sleek, stone wall to crawl out, moans and wails echoing under me. Right next to them, two skulls, gray and sodden, sat, and I smiled grimly. Sorry, dead people, I need your skulls.

I grabbed them, pushing the hands away, that tried to grab my ankles, and picked them up. I walked slowly but perky to Hel, and stopped in front of her.

“If you are planning on telling me, that I need to wear pink again, I swear to Odin, I will rip every single bone from your body and use them as toothpicks.” She said in a low voice. I smiled at her. “nope. I made you something. A little… Appreciation-song, if you like.” She glanced at me. “Do not sing. No more. I cannot take it.” I smiled wider yet and held the skulls up, rattling them a little; the teeth, that had been pushed out of the skulls, rattled inside. I smirked and drew a deep breath, stepping out of arms range and started to rattle them in sync with the melody of under the sea. I cleared my throat and walked like a person making fun of Egyptian dancer, back and forth in front of her.

“Hel’s is great! Hel’s great! It’s dark, damp and moldy, down where it’s smoky, Hel’s GREAAAAAAT!” I glanced at her. She was squeezing her eyes shut, and I knew I had to keep going. Garmr was dancing as well, jumping back and forth next to me. “Come on, Gammie, one more tiiiiimeee!” I drew a deep breath, and Garmr woofed a little, before I started again.

“Hel’s great! HEL’S GREAAAAT! It’s dark, damp and moldy, down where it’s smoky, HEL’S GREAAAAT! Up in Asgard, they don’t give a fart, HEEEEEEL’S GREEEEEAAAAAAAAAAT!” I finished it all with loud rattles from the skulls, and Garmr was barking loudly next to me. I glanced back at her, and I could see smoke steam from her deep-set holes, that once was nostrils, and opened my mouth again, starting the song once more.

“STOP!” She roared, the sound of her voice echoing around the walls. I stopped with a smirk. “Don’t you like my…” She growled, interrupting me. “I do not care for your stupid, mortal songs. You are driving my sanity to the edge. I believed that I would have a strong, fierce Valkyrie to help me, to protect me, reap my souls for me, but you?” She glared at me through slits. “You may be the most useless, piece of mortal, I have ever had in my chambers. I wish I could extract your soul, make you fall into my pit, but alas, I can’t. You…” She drew a deep breath, and my palms were suddenly sweaty. “You must leave me. Go. Leave my realm, and do not ever come back. I cannot stand the sight of you.” She fell back in her chair with a loud groan, and I couldn’t keep my smile off my face.

I knew I barely had time, before I was removed from here, and I quickly ran to Baldur, Garmr on my heels. “Baldur!” I shouted through the corridors, and his voice rang clear. “Y/N!” I screeched to a halt in front of his cell with a huge grin on my face. “Baldur, I’m free. I can go home, I can… My daughter. My husband.” Baldur smiled widely, overwhelming me with love and admiration. “I always knew you would. Freyja is calling to you.” He said. I grasped his hand tightly in mine. “I am so sorry, I can’t take you with me. I wish there was something I could do.” He smiled sadly and laid his other hand on top of mine. “You must not worry about me. I will be fine. Your strength and your company has kept me happy. Please, all I ask, is that you do not forget me.” I nodded, a light above me growing stronger. Garmr was whining behind me, and I knew my time was running out. “Never.” He hastily squeezed my hand and I felt a weird weight in the palm of my hand. “For the Valkyrie, that helped me. Kept me happy. A token of my appreciation.” He unfolded his hands, and I looked down – a beautiful, silver chain rested there, with a vial of shining light, flowing gently like fabric in the wind – my eyes were wet, and I looked up at him with a grateful smile. “Thank you, Baldur. I’ll be sure to tell your tale to everyone.” He smiled and looked up at the light, still growing stronger, above me. “Thank you, Y/N.” He fell back to the shadows, and I turned back to Garmr, who was whining, pushing his nose against my leg.

“Gammie, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.” He whined. “You can’t come, I’m so sorry.” He whined again, louder this time, and laid down on top of my feet. “Friend, Gammie, please…” I was crying now. This dog had been my friend, my companion in the months I had been here. I couldn’t bear to leave him. He didn’t move, and before I could do anything more, the bright light swallowed me, forcing me to close my eyes.

 When I opened them, I was instantly taken aback by the sheer beauty of the room, I was in. It was a golden, shimmery tone along with wood-pillars and flowing, light fabrics. Before I could look around further, a slight whimper sounded from below me, and I realized the weight on my feet. I looked down in shock, to see Garmr still resting there, eyes closed. I quickly bent down to scratch him behind his ears. He perked up, looking at me with his big, red eyes. “Gammie! You’re… You’re here!” He wagged his tail.

“We could not leave your companion alone in Hel’s realm.” Freyja’s voice rang through the golden room, and I turned around, Garmr standing up, bristling at the goddess. I smiled widely and felt myself tear up. “Freyja.” She smiled and walked briskly to me, laying her hands on my shoulders. “My Valkyrie. You did wonderfully.” I sighed and grinned at her. “You must have questions, but first, let us clean you and dress you.”

I was escorted to a huge bath, my gray and torn sack was removed, and a few Asgardians helped to lower me in the golden bathtub. The scents of wild roses, lavender and rosehip fell over me, relaxing me completely as the ten people surrounding me, washed my hair, my body, scrubbed me clean and talking in hushed voices. I wasn’t even shy about my naked form. The feeling of being in warm water was something I would never, ever take for granted again.

When they finished, three new people entered, hands full of fabrics and a single chest-armor in a deep, mahogany leather – the last person to enter, held a sword in her hands as well.

They dressed me, draping fabrics around me, making the different colors shimmer against each other; it was a deep burgundy, a white, translucent fabric, shining like the rainbow, when the light hit it, a forest, evergreen was draped over my chest, and at the end, they fastened the armor on my chest, and handed me the sword. It was beautiful. It was crafted perfectly, weighing nothing in my hands, with the handle wrapped in leather and carved with runes at the top – the blade was curved a little and the silver shone in the bright lights around me. They braided my hair, pulling it away from my face and twisting it gently, pinning the big and small braids together with flowers and golden clips.

I thanked them, and they all smiled. “We thank thee, Valkyrie.” They said and bowed, leaving the room. Garmr was still at my side, refusing to leave me, and we walked through a golden corridor to the room, where I met Freyja at first. My feet were clad in a leather sandal, that wrapped around my shin, and felt like I as walking on butter, in – I felt beautiful.

I was met by the bright smile of Freyja, Frigg and Sif. They stood, hands crossed over their stomachs, with beautiful braided hair, and huge, thankful smiles directed at me. I stopped a meter from them and bowed gently. It felt right to do that – I was, after all, in the presence of the Queen of Asgard and two other goddesses.

“My dear, beautiful, Valkyrie.” Freyja said with a soft smile. “My goddess.” Frigg smiled widely at me. “We are sure, you must have questions.” I nodded and sat down on the gold chair on my left. Garmr laid down at my feet, keeping a close eye at the goddesses. “He seems quite taken with you.” Sif said in a melodic voice. I smiled and looked down at him. “As am I with him.” My words came out weird. It felt like Asgard was affecting my words. It didn’t matter.  

“How could I return? How… Why wasn’t I a damned soul? I made a deal with the goddess of Death.” Freyja smiled. “You never gave your soul. You never promised your soul. You said you would do anything, but you never once offered your soul to her.” I nodded, still confused. “As to why you can return… Well, you are a Valkyrie. You do not belong in Hel. You belong on my field. When your time is right, of course.” She nodded slowly to Frigg, who took over.

“No one wished to see you in Hel. Unfortunately, we could do nothing, except wait for your return. It was your final battle, dearest. You turned out to be far stronger than we ever could have realized.” I smiled. The necklace, Baldur had given me, rested warmly around my neck. The vial felt warm, like a comforting kiss or a hand, held in the darkness. Sif stepped forward.

“You have a choice to make. You can stay here, along with us, be Asgard’s protector alongside Heimdall, or…” She glanced at Freyja. “Or you can return to the world of the living. You are free to make your own choice.” I looked down at Garmr.

“Can Gammie come, either place I chose?” They nodded in unison. Freyja stepped forward and sat down on her knees, grasping my hands. “He can go where ever you chose, Valkyrie. The decision is yours, and yours alone.” I looked into her blue eyes, my own eyes wet. “I… I want to see my daughter. My husband. I want to go back to my family.” She smiled and got up, pulling me up as well.

“So it shall be. I will never be able to thank you enough for your sword. For your bravery. You, dear Valkyrie, are a queen worthy.” She smiled at me. “I cannot possibly show you my gratitude, in any shape, but I have a parting gift for you.” She reached into her dress, pulling out a beautiful, silver ring. It was adorned with crystals and diamonds, the band sleek, and it glistened in a way, I didn’t think it could. She put it on my finger. “If you ever need me, Asgard’s services or help, you will only need to twist the ring. I will feel it. I have woven it with a strand of my hair. The diamonds are my tears. This is made for you, and it can only be used by you.” I cried silently as I looked down at the beautiful ring, at a loss for words. Frigg stepped forward. “My parting gift for you, is this.” She handed me a piece of iridescent fabric. It was light, almost as air, that breezed through your hair, and it felt a little like a stream of quiet water. She smiled.

“This is woven by me. I weaved it with my hair, and it will keep you protected, if you ever encounter danger in the world. It will be your shield. It can protect you or your family, your beautiful daughter, if need be. Please, accept my protection.” I nodded, crying harder now. Garmr was whining a little at my tears.

Sif stepped forward, handing me a golden horn, adorned with gems and runes. “This is my parting gift for you. This horn will be your call for strength. You can drink from it, and it shall give you the strength of a thousand warriors. You can blow it, giving you a warriors call. You can leave it, and it will help you to keep your strength.” I took it from her hands, and all three gifts overwhelmed me. It was too much, too special; I felt a deep admiration for the three goddesses in front of me. Freyja smiled.

“I cannot express what I wish to. I can only say thank you, and may the gods be with you on your path.” I smiled through my tears. “As one last little gift, we have made sure that your companion” she glanced at Garmr “will not harm mortals. He will continue to be big, he will protect you, but he will not cause harm, unless you wish him to do so.” I smiled widely and Garmr licked the palm of my outstretched hand.

“Thank you. I don’t know… I can’t…” I drew a deep, shuddering breath. “I can’t tell you how much I owe you. Thank you, all of you, for helping me. For… Making sure, I knew I could get out.” They nodded. “Before I leave, I just… Baldur. Please, try to help him. He was truly a light in the darkness down there.” They nodded again, and Freyja stepped forward, grasping my free hand.

“You must go, my dear Valkyrie. You have your fate awaiting you.” I nodded. “Thank you.” I scanned the room for the last time, and kept my hand on Garmr, steading both him and me for my imminent descent.

Freyja stepped away with a sad, soft smile and nodded. “Fare thee well, Valkyrie. May the gods be with you.”

A blinding light, and I lost sight of the three goddesses in front of me. When I opened my eyes again, I was in the middle of a field, trying to get my bearings. I wrapped the horn in the piece of fabric and hung it from a leather strap on my armor. Garmr was sniffing everything wildly, and, with a pang in my chest, thought that he had never smelled the grass or felt wind on his fur. I whistled, and he ran to my side with a gentle woof.

“We got to go, Gammie. We need to find Dean.” He wagged his tail and walked briskly in front of me, leading us off the field. I felt out of place. The sun beaming down on me felt too hot, the wind too fresh, and my clothes too… Asgardian. I walked, my sword sheathed by my side, through the field, following Garmr and I had to stop a few times, closing my eyes and feel the sun on my face. It was strange, how much the sun felt different. I remembered the sun differently. The soft breeze, making the trees rustle, felt like a soft caress, and I idly wondered if the goddesses were sending their last goodbye to me.

As we reached the outskirts of a small, rural town, I walked quickly to the nearest kiosk, grabbing a paper and checked the date. Tears well up in my eyes. It had been five years. Five. My daughter was five years old. I had been dead for five years. The clerk stared at me.

“Are you straight from a Con, or something?” he asked, his eyes roaming over my outfit. “or something.” I mumbled. I looked up. “Where am I?” He looked confused. “Wilson, Kansas.” He said slowly, almost as if he was afraid of me. I nodded. Okay, this I could work with. Dean always talked about moving back to Kansas, and maybe, just maybe, the goddesses had sent me back to the town, he was in. “Have you ever seen a black, sleek car drive through town? An Impala?” I asked, my heart hammering in my chest. The clerk smiled widely and nodded.

“Sure, it’s Mr. Winchester’s. He’s a real dude, you know?” I smiled softly. “He lives around here?” The clerk nodded again. “yup. Him, his daughter and his two brothers. They’re real good men, I tell you. Mr. Winchester works as a mechanic here, and he helps a lot of people.” I smiled. “Two brothers?” He nodded. “Yeah, Sam and Castiel. The last one is weird, but he’s a good beekeeper. It’s amazing honey.” I smiled at him.

“Thank you. Do you… Do you have any idea where they live? I’m an old friend, and I haven’t seen them in a while. I thought I’d pay them a visit.” The clerk looked worried. “You ain’t there to kill ‘em, or somethin’?” I shook my head. The clerk stared at my face. “hmm… You look like the little girl.”

I waited. Garmr was howling outside, and the clerk looked at him. “That’s a mighty big dog.” I nodded. “so, their address?” He turned back to me. “What? Oh, yeah, sure. It’s down the main street, stay to the left and find a small road a few feet down from the main street. It’s the little, white house, with a red swing set in front.” I nodded. “thank you.”

I left the kiosk, and nuzzled Garmr’s ear. “We got a place to go, Gammie.” I whispered. He licked my hand and trotted along, leading the way. I walked slowly, as if my feet refused to move any faster. My anxiety was through the roof. I was afraid to see them all. Most of all, my daughter.

I passed a small park, and turned – I found a bench, and sat down, allowing Garmr to run amok; he was bouncing up and down, tongue out and tail wagging, sniffing anything and everything. I didn’t know what to do. Just show up, hoping that they wouldn’t try to kill me? Hope, that a strange woman wouldn’t open the door? I sighed deeply, trying to calm myself – whatever happened, would happen. If I could see my daughter, I would be okay.

I wish I had other clothes. It felt weird to sit around in Asgardian attire, much weirder if I had to show up on the doorstep of Dean’s house with it on. My eyes followed Garmr as he chased a squirrel. At least he was happy. I tried to calm my beating heart, but nothing seemed to work; the thought of Dean living happily with someone else, was terrifying to me. I was afraid, and far more than I had ever been in Hel’s realm. Far more afraid, than I had ever been, if I was honest – I was afraid to see my daughter, and not be able to recognize her. I was afraid that Sam and Dean would be afraid of me. I was afraid that didn’t believe me. I was afraid that Cas would try to expel me from my body.

Garmr came up to me, drool slobbering down his chin, and nudged my leg with his nose. “I know, buddy, we’ll get going soon, okay?” Garmr woofed. I stood up, straightening my dress and grasping the horn by my side – a warmth and feeling of strength ran through my body, and I sighed deeply, gathering my courage.

I walked down the main street, searching for the small road, the clerk had told me about – I avoided the stares of the few, who were on the street in the oncoming twilight. It must be late. My sense of time was missing, and I realized with a start, that I didn’t mind – the twilight reminded me of the late nights, I had with Dean, and it gave me a sense of comfort – like a blanket being wrapped around you when you’re sick. I found the street and paused in front of it. Garmr whined. “Are you ready?” I asked him, but mostly myself, and he woofed gently. I nodded.

“Me too.” I walked down the street, my sandals crunching against the small rocks on the road, and I scouted the houses with a smile. They had chosen a great place, for our daughter to grow up. White, picket fences, green grass and the sounds of birds singing was everywhere, and I smiled. I had missed that sound.

I reached the white house, the red swing set in the front garden, and I stopped at the mailbox. The Y/L/N Winchesters. They hadn’t forgotten me. I looked at the house – it was cute. White sidings, a green frown lawn full of flowers, a small kiddie pool placed there as well, right next to the swings. I opened the fence gate and stepped through. Garmr was close by my side, his paws tapping on the stones, that led to the staircase to the front door. As I reached the stairs, I stopped – I wondered, if this was truly a good idea; maybe I should let them live their life, not uproot them. They had been mourning for me, they must have buried me, and here I was, five years later. Alive.

The windows shone with the lights inside, and I could vaguely hear clinking of dishes being down, along with a familiar voice shouting. My stomach was one, big knot, but I forced my hand up to ring the doorbell and stepped back a little.

The handle was pressed down, and I felt like throwing up. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I almost turned around to run away, but the door swung open and Sam stood in front of me. He was smiling, but it faltered as he saw my face. He was about to say something, but I shushed him lightly. He glanced at Garmr next to me and then back to my face. “you’re….” I smiled softly. “not dead.” I said and gestured to my body.

Sam stared at me. I felt my eyes get wet, as I heard a pearling laughter from the inside of the house. “Dean…?” Sam smiled. “He’s… He’s okay. So is she.” I sobbed. “Good. Can I…?” He nodded. “This is a surprise for all of us, but I am not going to take that from you.” He said and then, without warning, and without taking his eyes off me, he yelled through the house. “DEAN! Can you come here, please?” I heard the sounds of feet tapping on the floor behind Sam.

“Mary Samantha Y/L/N Winchester, if you don’t stop squirming, I swear to god…” Dean stopped in the door, his face full of shock. A little, dark blonde girl was in his arms. She had my eyes, and she smiled widely, dimples popping as she did. She tried to get Dean’s attention, but he was glued to my face. I looked at her, and forced my eyes from her, straight to Dean’s face. Sam moved slowly away, leaving the three of us alone.

“Daddy, she looks like Mommy.” Mary said in a soft voice, hiding her face a little behind her hair.

“Y/N?” Dean’s voice wavered, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. I smiled softly.

“Hi, Dean.”

 END

 A/N 2: HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE END. I CAN’T. I’M CRYING. DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME, I’M JUST IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN TEARS. This has been such a wild journey, and I couldn’t be happier with this story. It was my first long series, and I’ve loved every second of it. As stated before, I might do a sequel, but for now, this is the end.

I am working on a few one-shots for this one – amongst others, Sam and Freyja banging, Christmas and how Cas became a beekeeper. It really has been a joy to write this story, and I can’t express how grateful I have been (and still am) for all of you, who’s been following and reading this story. Thank you, for letting me tell my story. Thank you for loving it.

Thank you.

 Like this? Did I break your heart? Want more? Let me know!

TAGLIST: @hobby27, @trustnobodyshootfirst, @supernatural-idjit-95, @polina-93, @akshi8278, @wingedcatninja, @dean-winchesters-bacon, @redeyedvixen, @mypage-myfandoms, @killerunicorn3, @xcarapherneliabearx, @gatorgal94, @biawol, @rachembol, @vickyfarley, @andkatiethings

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[oohae]

Where do you put away your heartaches when you have to?

If love is hidden under the sleeves of your sweatshirt or the deep pockets of your washed-out jeans... where do you put away your heartaches when you have to?

It couldn't be like any regular Monday morning; when you fish out a couple of cents with your short fingers to throw into the narrow hole of the vending machine for a tin of American coffee and douse your sleepy eyes awake. It couldn't be like any regular mid-day Tuesday; when you slip the cold pen that was running out of black ink in between the linen fabric of your suit as you lend your ears attentively across the room. It couldn't be like any regular Wednesday lunch; when you tuck in your earbuds, Blink-182 singing "I'm jealous of everybody in the room", as people walked pass by you in the central plaza while you sat alone in a bench and waited for the clock to tick past twelve.

It couldn't be like any regular Thursday afternoon; when you pry open your iced cappuccino contained in a plastic cup, forcing the metal straw to drive right through so you could quench the thirst aching in your throat as brought on you by the summer heat and the summer load. It couldn't be like any friday sunset; when you open your four-part folded handkerchief to wipe the sweat rolling off of your forehead, the solemn sun raging into your eyes as it set into the deep ocean floor, reminding you that things have a beginning as much as an ending. It couldn't be like any regular Saturday night; when you grab an empty box of pizza from your table, the credits of Waterloo Bridge rolling in the background, as your feet wandered across your apartment and to the backyard for the garbage can.

But, most importantly, it couldn't be like any regular dusk of Sunday; when you would spend your long nights awake, eyes open and teary, as you take yourself for a walk down your mind palace and opened doors of memories only to be met with clips and photographs of your moments with him. No, it couldn't possibly be any of those. Because having him keep your heart in his sleeves led to him stealing it as his, only to give it away the moment he was all mended and okay, ready to break himself into pieces once more and find another place to stay. So you pick yourself up to look in the mirror, eyeing the broken mess he left behind.

Where do you put away your heartaches when you have to?

He had asked you once, taking you by surprise as he had never boldly asked anything remotely close to breaking hearts and putting anything way into the past. But you told him simply the only thought that ran circles in the back of your mind: that you would never put it away; that you wouldn't be a coward in the face of a heartbreak. Instead, you would keep it close — a fucking martyr you are — because it taught you lessons; to never ever let a man take your love and patience for granted; to never ever compromise your life for the sake of keeping his sanity.

"Feel it," she uttered to her hazy reflection.

What was the point of hiding the heartache if everything was real? If everything had happened because you allowed it to? If everything began because you let him creep up to your personal space? If everything ended like this because you revolved your world to become about him and him only. God, how much dumber could you be? Sniffing, wiping the stains from her flushed and moist cheeks, she reminded herself of who and how she was before him.

"Feel it, Valentine, because tomorrow you will stitch yourself anew."

( june 29, 2020. just saw this in the drafts and it reminded me that it's time again to rebuild a love i gave to somebody else. a love i'd give instead to myself. it's a new beginning from here on.)

[waughphotos]

Best Phone Pix of 2017

Yes I have fancy DLSRs but they are for proper work. So here’s my favourite images taken on my phone during the past 12 months. The casual stuff that caught my eye. 

If You Go Down to the Woods Today. 

This is my custom painted David Bowie bike out on it’s maiden voyage after being painted by a company called Fatcreations in the south of England. I was riding along my usual route in Epping Forest on the edge of London when I came across these mahoosive fungi! I mean look at them. Triffids nearly. I subsequently found they prey on the shallow roots of elm trees which could account for the dying and fallen trees that adorn that forest and often make a diversion necessary. The forest is the ancient hunting ground of King Henry 8th so some of them have been there quite a long time... 

Jamming Good with Weird and Gilly

This was a such a great night for me. The film ‘Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars’ was screening at the legendary Hammersmith Apollo in London - and showed the gig where Bowie retired Ziggy from his repertoire before he moved on to Aladdin Sane and ever onwards. So I was sitting in a seat at the very same venue watching it unfold like I was there in 1973! It  was no God only small affair. 

Life in the Big Apple

Another major highlight for me was returning to New York and taking our daughters for their first taste of the USA. We stayed mid town and could look up to the top of the Empire State which was right outside our window. I took this picture of the corridor outside our room which reminded me of the scene from The Shining. Sidenote: enormous bagels = happy girls!  

Give the Drummer Some

When a friend asked my band, The Adaptones, to pay at his 50th birthday party saying no was never an option. The event was in the basement of a local hotel and I snapped this pic of my drum kit all set and ready to batter, er, I mean play. The lighting was such that the image had little to no post editing. I think I pulled the highlights back a bit (I use Snapseed btw). Anyway, I was well pleased with the mood of this image and we had a storming night. Jobs done. 

Vive La France

Summer hols found us on the small French island called Ile de Re at the northern end of the Bay of Biscay. Charming little fishing ports and quiet roads meant we could rent a bike and pedal around with ease. My girls - top pic obvs - loved it as did I. Plenty of characters ready to pose for a pic too! 

London Calling

Dawn breaking over the River Thames from Waterloo Bridge towards the City of London with St Pauls Cathedral on the left and the financial district’s newer buildings making the ever-changing skyline of the Uk’s capital. I’m not usually around at this time of the day but I was on a photoshoot for Cat Eye bike lights and we had to be up before the light broke. I love being around the city streets when it is waking up. 

Forza Espresso!

On a break from shooting a bike ride on the white roads of Tuscany, I rounded up all our espresso cups for a swift ‘grid’ type shot. Molto bene! 

Southend Sundown

This was a really frustrating day semi rescued thanks to my phone. I had packed my Hasselblad and a bike with the intent of driving to the ride the Olympic track at Hadleigh and then onto to Southend for some nice square medium format images on film. But, as luck would have it, the shutter on the camera had jammed. I could only watch as the sun dipped into this amazing display of nature. I kicked off my disappointment and drove along the seafront to a likely spot and shot some images on my phone. They still look great and it is still a record. That won’t happen again though. 

Snow in England Shocker! 

Yes, it really happened. Snow fell in December, in the UK. In England. In the south of England no less. And the news channels overheated. Of course, it only lasted 48 hours but the school kids made the most of it. And I went for a nice morning walk at some local lakes where I shot this image of the poplar trees in an empty car park. 

A Rainy Night in Soho

It’s gradually being changed beyond recognition, but Soho remains a draw for its (past) reputation and its buzz of energy. I love wandering around the narrow streets, in morning before 11am when it has yet to wake or late evening when it is eyes wide open and ready to roll. The new Fiorucci store on Brewer Street is housed in a building that for many years was a store selling movie memorabilia but now floods the streets with neon advertising its high fashion wear. Good for me that the rain-soaked tarmac made for reflections then. For both these images the neon was the main draw and I waited until the right moment to capture the guy on his own, walking purposefully and the two shoppers silhouetted against the green store lights. 

For the record, I took these images on iPhone 6s and iPhone 7 cameras. I do like to post process and Snapseed is my go to app. Pretty upset that Google decided to dumb it down, but that does seem the way of the world! Here’s to a bumper crop of phone pix and even better technology in 2018. Remember - don’t leave home without it..... 

[dedidicit]

About the first month.

1- We (me and my Spanish colleague) stayed for some days in Leuven to have some training days at our hosting organization. Those days were… awkward? My mentor came to the airport and he was really nice, he even gave me a small tour during the trip - we stopped at Waterloo because apparently we both are history nerds. But I have to say, spending the whole day with him and his family, alone, sounded kind of strange. Even if they were really among the nicest people I have ever met and I got to play with their child and their kitten. Not that the situation improved after the arrival of the Spanish guy, since he doesn’t really speak English, so in the car it was always me and our mentor trying to get something out of him or just not staying in an awkward silence. The training was nice, kind of, but again I felt a bit disconnetted from my colleague, because getting in touch with him without a shared language was really difficult, and I was scared because we had to be co-workers and we couldn’t understand each other. Together we visited Leuven in the night and it’s really a nice city. (I have to say, I still feel awkward around him because we have problems at understanding each other, but he is really such a nice guy, I like him a lot. He always looks so worried when I am alone and I have to get home in the night. He’s sweet.) 

2- I arrived in Oostende and I met my two other housemates. The German girl is so young I might cry. Exploring the city and trying to find everything I need took more time than expected, mainly because I didn’t think of how much bureaucracy I had to deal with, but everything should be settled now (I hope, I don’t want to see a minute more the townhall). I have a bicycle and I have to admit I am really happy with it, which kinda surprises me since breaking my teeth on a bike killed my motivation to use one in the past, but having one means being independent finally. (Things that kill my independence: my Spanish colleague who apparently can’t do anything on his own. Apart from partying.) Oostende might not be the most beautiful city of this world, but for a person who has always lived in a small town it’s already amazing the fact that I actually have shops in my city and I don’t have to take a car to buy a t-shirt. (Talking about cars, it seems I’m going to drive one here too, and I am so not happy about this, I thought that for one year I was free from it…) 

3- Oostende might not be the most beautiful city of this world, but the sunset gives the sea and the sky such amazing colours every night that I can’t help falling a bit in love.

4- Travelled to Gent with other two EVS and had so much fun with them, I’m sad one of them has already left for a job in Germany because she is an amazing person. 

5- My on-arrival training was a lot of things all together, and I still have to decide if I liked it or not. I mean, sure, I loved meeting other people that are going to live in Belgium this year, but I feel like it’s been really a forced thing, as if we really had an obligation to bond and a lot - probably for the people that live alone in remote villages it has been great, but here I already share the house with other three volunteers and we don’t do the same job, so for the moment I don’t really feel alone here. Surely it has been great to meet them though, and we had a lot of fun too, but I was drained in the end, I just wanted to be home alone. (’Home alone’ seems something I’m going to rarely see this year.)

6- I’ve never thought I’d end up stopping people on the streets and asking them things, but apparently I did and it was a success, both because people listened to me and because I really enjoyed it. I am still trying to figure out if I’d have been able to write down the best compliment I have ever received (spoiler: no. I tried to choose one but it seems like I can’t, maybe because I’ve been told many nice things in different fields, and it’s truly difficult to choose just one. Plus, my mind here is stuck on the ‘speaking Russian is so fucking sexy’, but last night I’ve been called a ‘language miracle’ and it’s totally in my top 5 best compliments ever received.) Also, Antwerp is beautiful, I am surely going to come back and see it again. 

7- The open day of the centre where I work has been really, really a long day. Dealing with youngsters isn’t easy, but dealing with adults who speak only Dutch for an entire day? I was so drained at the end of day that I really didn’t understand anymore what was going on. But it has been a good day, and I got to know a lot more my colleagues, and after that day we started really talking to each other a lot more, so it’s good. 

8- And then the day after I went to Brugge! Postcard-city.

9-  I went to the Atlantic Wall and it’s just so powerful to be there, and being in a vey peaceful place, thinking of how not peaceful it was a hundred years ago. Also, reading the story and realizing we stll haven’t understood that building a wall to keep people out of a place isn’t a solution...

10- The funfair in Oostende reminded me I am old.