#remind me how do I manage my time and energy between adulting and hobbies again

[firepiplup]

How do i say no to people

You know that analogy about people with adhd having spoons for energy management or whatever? My spoons are on backorder from like 2 months ago and more got on that list now

The problem is that all of the things I'm being asked to do are Very Important Things

I have to feed my diabetic cat. This in itself is not a problem, however she's needs to eat at a specific time (12 hour spacing) and my current sleeping situation along with work do not allow this to happen consistently. Currently trying for 7:30, we'll see how it goes

My apartment has bedbugs, and there's no way in fucking hell I'm sleeping on my living room floor until my scumlord landlord actually gets the guy to come back to spray because he did spray but I'm still seeing adults and i "need to give the spray time to work" it's been fucking 2 weeks i don't know how is supposed to work but i feel like after 2 weeks whatever spray you did isn't going to get any stronger i just want to sleep in my own bed it's been like this since fucking March

With that part explained, I'm sleeping at my mom's house on the other side of town. This in itself isn't much of a problem, however as "payment" i have to take care of her dog in the morning, to practice because she's going on a week long vacation in October and none of her dogs can just be taken care of like normal dogs. He needs to wear a diaper to leave the room while i pick up his shit and soiled weewee pad and mop the floor, give him some time to be out of his room, and then feed him his special food mix. The other dog has allergies and probably will get into something he shouldn't, then not use the bathroom outside even though he literally has a doggy door that has constant access to the backyard. Neither dog get along with each other, which is why they are separated. Thank fuck the cat is just normal, this is why i prefer them

Now with THAT explained, it's difficult to take care of my own cat on time in the morning. But as the legendary Billy Mays says: But wait, there's more!

I just got rehired at my job working in a local understaffed pizzeria. My friend, ego also works there, is on vacation (good for her, she deserves it, absolutely no negativity towards her) so i have acquired her hours. So i now work 6 days a week, kinda sorta clopen but i guess it's more of opelose. Or a combination of both? Idk. The point here is, I'm then dealing with essentially running half a restaurant alone 6 days a week, with it not being 7 purely because the owner himself ALSO has the same work schedule as far as I'm aware, and wanted to give himself a day off, and since we are so understaffed it would be impossible unless we literally closed. My tasks include answering the phone, washing dishes, making sandwiches, making dinners, folding pizza boxes, and cleaning the tables/equipment on that side of the restaurant. So essentially everything except making pizzas, cleaning the pizza area, mopping in general, and driving. We generally close at 9, 10 on Friday and Saturday. Guess who was explicitly rehired to close those days? Guess how that's going to work with me having to be home around 7:30 to take care of my own cat? I have no idea either. It's only for about 3 weeks, but my mom, whom i have not asked for any additional help with anything, won't feed the cat while i have work, even though there isn't a guarantee that i can leave on time to THEN RETURN to close, because again I'm the only one on that side of the building. I understand the fear of the bedbugs, so that's probably it, but it still fucking sucks because the kitchen is on the other side of the apartment from the bedroom and there is literally no reason to go there to feed her. But i get it

Did we get to where i can do my own ADLs? Of course not. My neighbor is in the hospital, and her husband is blind. This is a new development that was only discovered an hour before starting this post (about 3:30 am for me). She's ok, it's for mental health reasons, and that's her own business about that. Her husband being blind is not a new development however. And he needs help taking care of the pets, specifically the birds. Which is fine, they just also need to eat on their own schedule. 8am, around lunchtime, and 8pm. Guess who's still at work? One of the birds is special needs because her beak got injured and needs to be essentially spoon fed. Which the blind husband can't do at all. Fairly simple task, but just adding to my obligations that are Very Important because they involve making sure things don't starve to death while my neighbor is in Crisis

Ok let's see, that's 4 Very Important Tasks/Obligations, and only one was originally my own voluntary one. Still not at taking care of myself yet, but i have my shelter, i have my job ("part time" minimum wage, hurray. Part time because even with me being there 6 fucking days a week open to close it still isn't technically enough hours for the state to recognize it as full time), and I'm taking care of *counting* about 8 pets for the next week. Will unemployment give me my money that I've been claiming since March? No? Will they let me claim with my new working hours that makes that while process even harder? Technically but it'll take over an hour for it to process and it doesn't even do that in the end? Well fuck, guess i have to wait to get paid on the books in cash and beg for a hand written paystub and have my hours worked written down. Glad i earned $100 this week, i hope now that my hours have increased i get some more

Next on the list, appointments. Because I'm a dumbass who can't remember shit if it isn't consistently recurring, i overbooked myself for next week. My much needed therapy appointment with my therapist that I've only met once and is the replacement for my much better therapist that i actually had a relationship with is supposed to have a session with me on Tuesday. Will i remember to do it this time? Possibly since i actually remembered it's on Tuesday. Will she send me the reminder text with the zoom link? Probably not. Wednesday, my one day off, thank fuck for that, is the main problem with the scheduling. My med appointment is for 11:30. Cool, can do. Driving lesson at 12. Oh, that's a little close, but i can manage that probably. I only average 1 lesson per year and a half, so it's fine, it's "healthy" to be nervous about operating a death machine powered by explosions. Have to go to social services to pick up, or attempt to, a new food stamps card. They probably close at 5, and add a Non Driver, i need to rely on someone to take me. The sooner the better, but it can't be during the lesson. Don't forget to take care of the creatures before and during all of this.

Ok. Great. There's an hour before work. Time to shower, because it's so fucking hot I'll be sweating like crazy by the time i get around the corner to the pizzeria, with me literally getting out and dressed and then walking out the door. Glad i finally did still to take care of myself. Eating? I might have something i can heat up quickly while the cat eats and so i can take my own meds. Dishes? Those are going to have to wait, i hope the heat wave doesn't get too bad, but it's been like this for a while, still slowly chipping away at them. Sleep? Severe insomnia. I partially blame the bed, my mattress is so comfortable, i hope the bedbugs like it because i can't fucking use it right now. I'd be sleeping so fucking soundly if i were in my own bed, and yet here i am. Maybe i should take the Trazodone now. I just hope I'll wake up on time. Oh look I'm exhausted, can't afford to buy comparatively better prepared coffee from Dunkin, so i guess my shitty at home coffee is going to have to do. Black because i don't have any creamer or milk or lactose free milk in my house. Just the way i hate it. Gonna have to deal with that i guess, maybe I'll learn to like it

The coffee pot lives in my fridge now. I'm worried to put it with the other dishes because if it sits there, not being washed like everything else, then i won't even have the option of coffee. It's just water and ground up beans, I'm sure it's fine

Maybe i can find some kind of coping skill/hobby to help me through my limited me time. Let's see.... I like to crochet, and that helps me get through the dishes by letting me alternate between them and a row/round on one of my many started projects. What? It's in a giant garbage bag with a bedbug treatment stick because of the damn ass bedbugs? Can't open it for at least another week and even then there isn't a place to put the yarn safely? Well fuck. I found that really helpful with keeping me grounded. Umm, well looking online, i should *checks notes* buy new yarn in the meantime and keep it somewhere safe. Uh, well, i can't afford more yarn now and i have nowhere to put it. Videogames it is maybe? Oh fuck now I've hyper focused too long on pokemon, rhythm heaven, and whatever daily games i do, i think i have 5 of those of varying lengths of time spent on them

Did i remember to brush my teeth? No. Do i remember that i should and then when i get out of the shower so i forget to actually execute? Yes. Have i gone insane? Probably

How many spoons is a person supposed to have per day? It takes more for me just to get through the day in general. Why does everyone need me to do their Very Important Tasks? Why is there never anyone else? Can my neighbor just not buy more birds when she gets home from Crisis?

I just want to have good mental health, why is this so hard

[starlightbuck]

It took me far too long to decide, wow but I shall request #23 please!

23. Happening to sit next to each other on a park bench, reading the same book. 

you gotta read between the lines || read on AO3

“Here, take this.”

Eddie looks down at the book that May has thrust into his hands. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin - he’s never heard of it. “What-”

“I overheard you telling Bobby that you want to read more so I figured I’d let you borrow one of my favorites.”

Eddie’s confusion gives way to understanding and is followed shortly thereafter by a burst of affection that he’s sure May would much rather he not put on display while surrounded by their family. And that’s what this, the 118, has become for him - a family. 

It’s something his parents swore up and down he’d never have after he told them about his decision to leave Texas. He might find better job opportunities, but he’d never find anything better than the family he was leaving behind. 

How wrong they were. 

“Thanks, May. I’m looking forward to reading it.” 

It’s a statement he means wholeheartedly. After a few months, Eddie has finally found a way to balance his work and home life, but he’s still lacking in any hobbies that he can call his own. Maybe that’s what reading can become for him - a moment of peace in his otherwise hectic day-to-day schedule.

May tilts her head to the side and stares at him for a moment before holding her hand out to him. “Give me your phone.”

He does as he’s told without asking, even if he doesn’t know what she’s planning to do. 

Her fingers move across his screen with a speed that Eddie finds a little intimidating. In no time at all, she hands him back his phone. “I put my number in so you can text me your thoughts on the book.”

Eddie shouldn’t make a big deal out of this exchange, but there’s a small part of him that wants to. He’s an adult, May’s a teenager, and she just willingly gave him her phone number.  And told him to text her. Does this make him cool now? 

He’ll consult Hen later to find out. 

“I can do that.”

Eddie starts the book while at work and regrets that decision immediately.

The first interruption comes from Bobby.

“Put that book down, Eddie. You’re helping me cook lunch.”

The next one is from Chim. 

“Hey, Eight-Pack! Help me clean the truck!” 

And then Hen.

“Eddie, please come and explain to Chim why I’m the superior video gamer.”

Then the alarm goes off and Eddie leaves the book behind in his locker. It remains untouched for the rest of his shift. 

Eddie (9:42pm): i’m not sure who i’d want to be paired up with if i was in this game

May (10:01pm): you JUST got to that part??

May (10:02pm): i’m disappointed

Eddie (10:07pm): i’ll try to read faster

May (10:15pm): good

“Daddy, what are you doing?” 

“Reading a book.” 

Chris takes a seat beside his dad on the sofa and leans heavily against Eddie’s arm. “I’m bored. Can we do something?”

“I thought you were having fun drawing,” Eddie answers, eyes still skimming the words on the page in front of him. He’s managed to make some leeway with the book and now that he’s gotten into it, it’s been harder for him to put it down. 

“I was but now I’m not. Please can we do something?”

“Chris.”

“I said please.”

Chris peers up at his dad from under golden eyelashes with a pout firmly in place. He’s only doing it to sway Eddie’s decision and not because he’s genuinely upset but that doesn’t stop the sight from tugging uncomfortably at Eddie’s chest. If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to hurt Eddie, it’s his son’s unhappiness. The reaction can easily be traced back to not being around when Chris was growing up. 

That guilt that will haunt him forever. 

It’s what pushes him to mark the page he’s on before closing the book. “What do you think about having a movie night?”

Chris’s eyes light up at the suggestion. It’s the best thing Eddie’s seen all day. 

“Really?”

“Of course. How about you pick out a couple of movies and I’ll order us some pizza?”

Chris nods enthusiastically and is about to get up from the sofa when he stops. Eddie is going to ask what’s wrong, but the words get lodged in his throat when his son crawls into Eddie’s lap. He wraps his arms around his dad’s neck and plants a loud kiss on his cheek. 

“I love you, daddy.”

The show of affection is almost second nature for Chris, but Eddie knows a time will come when that stops being the case. It’s as depressing a thought as it is unavoidable. Chris will get older and doing things like cuddling with Eddie and randomly saying ‘I love you’ will become nothing more than a rare occurrence.

Until then, he plans to cherish every single one of these moments and then lock them away for safekeeping. 

Eddie wraps his arms around Chris, holding him as close as he can and kisses his son’s forehead. “I love you too.”

Eddie (5:45pm): ANOTHER bomb? How many are there?

May (8:32pm): keep reading and you’ll find out 

With Christopher at Abuela’s and no shifts scheduled for the day, Eddie decides to take advantage of the cool Sunday weather and go to the park to get some reading done. By the time he gets there, the park is bustling with energy from children and adults alike. It takes Eddie almost ten minutes to find an empty bench but it’s worth it when he settles into his spot. It’s far enough away from the playground that the sound of yelling is nothing but background noise and close enough to a tree that protects him from the sun in case it decides to peek out from behind the clouds. 

He leans back in the seat, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossing them at the ankles. Then he takes the book out of the bag he brought it in, always cautious of how he carries it since it’s a loaner, and dives in. 

Eddie’s eyes follow the words with anticipation, drinking in every sentence as he reads them, not wanting to miss a single detail. He’s nearing the end and is desperate to see how the author is planning to wrap everything up. He has a couple of guesses, but the only way to determine if they’re correct is to finish the book. 

“Excuse me?”

Eddie flips to the next page. 

A throat clears and then, “uhm, hello?”

Eddie barely refrains from growling at the intrusion. The point of coming to the park to read was being able to do so  without any interruptions. 

He is nothing if not polite though, a trait that he attributes to his abuela. His parents might’ve taught him how to behave himself, but it was Abuela who taught him how to go out into the world and greet people with a smile.

“Yes?” Eddie says, grin locking in place when he looks up and finds a man with bright blue eyes staring back at him with a hopeful smile of his own. The sun is only just making a home for itself in the sky and the glow from its rays reflects off of the man’s hair and gives him an angelic glow. It’s almost too much for Eddie to handle.

Almost.

“I was just wondering if I could sit with you?” He gestures to the small part of the bench that’s empty. It’s possible that Eddie spread his things out when he first sat down so that no one would be tempted to join him. “I’ve done two laps around the park, but there are no other open seats.” 

Eddie might’ve preemptively tried to keep strangers from intruding in his space, but he figures he can make an exception for this guy. That decision has nothing to do with how attractive he finds him and everything to do with the manners he picked up from Abuela. It’s what she would do as well, he’s sure.

“Yeah, of course.” 

He grabs his jacket and backpack and slides over to the left end of the bench instead of staying in the middle. The man sits on the opposite end. 

“I really appreciate this, thanks.”

The words have the potential to sound insincere or sarcastic, but coming from this man’s lips, they’re anything but. 

“You’re welcome.”

Eddie wants to say more, find a way to continue a conversation with this beautiful stranger, but he doesn’t know how. He’s very out of practice when it comes to conversing with anyone outside of his family. It’s not something that he thinks about until it inconveniences him, and this is definitely one of those times. It also acts as a reminder that he should try his hand at putting himself out there again. It might be scary, but he owes himself that much.

Next time. 

Next time he’ll be ready to actually engage in a conversation with someone who piques his interest. 

Until then, he’ll cut his losses for today and jump back into his book. Maybe if he finds the courage to do so, Eddie can sneak a couple of sideways glances at the guy. That’s not creepy, right? 

“Are you reading The Westing Game?”

The question catches Eddie off guard as he fumbles to hold up the book. “Yeah, I am.”

“Me too,” the blond says as he turns towards Eddie and pulls out a worn copy of the book out of his back pocket.

Eddie’s eyes are temporarily drawn to a red bookmark sticking out at the end of the book, before settling on the cover itself. The cover is different from his, but the title is the same. 

Eddie has no clue what the odds are of this happening, but he’s more thankful than ever to May. Not only has the book been the perfect option for him to turn to occupy his free time, it’s also acting as a way for him to continue talking to this guy. 

“How do you feel about it so far?”

It’s the perfect conversation starter and Eddie latches onto it right away. 

“I’m really enjoying it,” he begins before diving into a more in-depth explanation of his thoughts. 

He talks about everything from the characters to the storylines that took him by surprise to the theories he has for how the book will end. It all comes rushing out of him in a way that words usually don’t and he’s proud of himself up until the guy sitting across from him laughs.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, using his free hand to cover a smile. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise.”

Seeing as though there’s no one else around, it really  feels like Eddie is being laughed at. It picks and prods at a deep-seated sense of inadequacy that he’d really rather not be experiencing on his day off. 

“Was I rambling?” 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just, I never said how far into the book I was.”

Mortification seeps into Eddie’s veins in an instant, coursing through his body and making him warm all over. “I saw your bookmark placement and assumed...”

“I just put it in a random spot of the book so I wouldn’t forget it.”

“Oh.” 

This is what Eddie gets for assuming, isn’t it? How does that saying go again? When you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and me?

It’s safe to say that he has definitely made an ass out of himself.

“So, I just spoiled the entire book for you?” The guy doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. The answer is written all over his face. “Shit, I am  so sorry. You came here to enjoy your book and instead you got stuck next to an idiot who doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.” 

“Hey, no it’s okay. Really. I liked hearing what your thoughts on the book are. Gives me a better idea of what I have in store for me when I start reading it myself.” 

The smile on the blond’s face makes it seem as though he’s not annoyed but Eddie’s not convinced. Had someone done the same thing to him, he would be less than impressed. It’s why he starts packing up his things to go, making sure to put his book away first. The guy has reserved the right to enjoy some quiet time without Eddie there to disturb him anymore.

“I still can’t believe I did that.” Eddie stands up, slings his backpack over his shoulder and twists the fabric of his jacket in his hands. He’ll finish his book at home. “I’ll leave you to it.” 

He gives an awkward wave and sets off in the direction of the car, all the while internally chastising himself for the foolish mistake.  

“Wait!” 

Eddie is tempted to ignore the command, but his still deeply ingrained army training makes it hard to do so. He stops walking and the guy is there, standing in front of him, only seconds later. He’s holding his book in his hands and Eddie tries not to cringe.

“You don’t have to leave.” Eddie is about to argue otherwise when the stranger adds, “I know you feel bad about the book. But what if you make it up to me another way instead?”

“And how would I do that?”

“You can take me out for coffee.”

Eddie can’t keep his jaw from falling open. Out of everything he was expecting the guy to say, this was the last thing he had in mind. “Huh?”

“Take me out for coffee,” he repeats, scratching the back of his neck. “Only if you want to.”

“I do,” Eddie answers, perhaps a little too quickly. “I’m Eddie by the way.”

“Buck.” It’s an odd name, but it’s something Eddie intends to comment on. “Now c’mon, that bench is big enough for the both of us and I know you’re dying to finish your book.” 

Eddie (3:42pm): met a cute guy at the park and accidentally spoiled the book for him

Eddie (3:43pm): and then he asked me out for coffee 

Eddie (3:43pm): also, i finished the book

May (5:02pm): we’re going out for lunch this weekend and you’re telling me everything (your thoughts about the book and this cute guy) 

Eddie (6:00pm): you got it

Eddie is half-asleep on the sofa when the front door opens. He shifts at the sound, body too heavy to move into a sitting position. 

“Eddie?”

“Hm?” 

Feet move carefully across the hardwood floor and then there’s a body sliding into the space right in front of Eddie’s. It’s a tight squeeze, but Eddie wouldn’t want it any other way.

“You didn’t have to wait up for me,” Buck murmurs, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and kissing his forehead. 

Eddie melts into his boyfriend’s arms the way that he always does. Even after two years together, the novelty of being held by Buck has yet to wear off.

“I wanted to.”

Eddie nuzzles against Buck’s neck, drawing a small laugh out of the younger man. 

“Someone’s extra cuddly today.”

There was a time when a comment like that would’ve been enough to shame Eddie into pulling away and apologizing. This, being open with how much he craves affection, is something he’s worked hard towards since him and Buck officially became a couple though. Now that he’s allowed himself to have it, there’s no way he’s ever turning back. “I missed you.”

Another laugh. “I was only gone for a few hours.”

“A few hours too long.”

Buck starts running his hand up and down the length of Eddie’s back and that plus the silence around them lulls Eddie right back onto the verge of sleep. 

“I have a confession to make.”

“Mhm?”

“I lied to you.”

The words are like a bucket of cold water, effectively waking Eddie up. He presses his back against the couch, earning himself an inch or two of space away from Buck. He tilts his head up, sees the guilt in Buck’s eyes, and feels his breath hitch.

“About what?” Eddie asks, hating how his voice cracks.

He trusts Buck implicitly and knows he’d never do anything to hurt Eddie, but that can’t stop fear from making a home in his heart. 

Buck has to be able to feel how tense Eddie is but he stills his hand, keeping it pressed against Eddie’s back. It’s the anchor that grounds him, the only thing keeping him from running away from whatever it is Buck has to say like Eddie so desperately wants to.

“Remember that first day we met?”

Of course Eddie does. How can he forget the day that changed the course of his life forevermore? “Yes.” 

“And how you thought you spoiled The Westing Game for me?”

“Yes.” 

Years later, Eddie can still remember how mortified he was on that day when he realized what he had done. They’ve told the story many times whenever people ask them how they first met, and the story usually ends with a lot of laughter and Eddie hiding his face in his hands. 

“It’s maybe possible that I withheld the truth just a little that day.”

“Withheld it how?” 

Buck’s hand curls into a fist at Eddie’s back, a surefire sign that he’s nervous.

“You didn’t actually spoil it for me.”

Eddie must still be a little sleepy, that’s why Buck’s words don’t make sense. “What do you mean?”

“That wasn’t my first time reading The Westing Game.”

The admission takes a minute to register but, once it does, Eddie is left reeling. “Do you-does that-you mean I didn’t spoil it for you?” 

“Technically no.” 

“Technically?”

“That was my first time reading it in a couple of years, so I had forgotten a lot of the details you mentioned, but I did remember the way it ended.”

Eddie blames the late hour for his lack of filter and for saying what he does next.

“I want a divorce.”

Buck reels back like he’s been slapped and maybe, in a way, he has been. There’s hurt written in the lines of his face, but also understanding. It’s almost as if he was expecting this reaction. He opens his mouth to respond, to say what, Eddie isn’t sure. Because realization dawns on Buck and he says, “we’re not married.”

“Yeah I know.”

Buck uses the arm that is still slung over Eddie’s waist to do away with the small space between them and tuck Eddie against his chest. “You scared me for a second there.”

“You scared me too.”

“I’m sorry I lied.”

Eddie rests his hand right over Buck’s heart, feeling his accelerated heartbeat thrumming under his fingers. He closes his eyes again and lets it lull him back to sleep. “It’s fine. You can be the one to tell our family that you were so desperate to date me that you lied so you could ask me out.”

“I hate you.”

Eddie tilts his head up just enough to kiss Buck’s neck. “Love you too.” 

Eddie (1:02am): buck’s been lying to me this whole time 

May (10:02am): did he finally tell you about the westing game?

Eddie (10:55am): you knew??

May (11:02am): yeah he told me a year and a half ago

May (11:03am): i think it makes your meet cute even cuter

Eddie (12:02pm): i cannot believe this. deceived by my boyfriend and my pseudo-niece on the same day.

May (12:15pm): don’t be so dramatic

May (12:19pm): you, me, chris and maddie still going ring shopping this weekend?

May (12:20pm): i better not have interrogated your boyfriend about his taste in jewelry for nothing

Eddie (2:03pm): yeah, we’re still on for this weekend. I’ll see you then.

[illness-to-wellness]

The questions and inspiration for this post originally came from Invisible Illness Week 2015. I’ve written a little bit about POTS before, but nothing this in-depth. This was initially published as a guest post on Kate the Almost Great with this intention: “I decided to add to the health part of [this] blog by sharing about an under-diagnosed chronic health condition, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). Though it’s somewhat rarely diagnosed, somewhere between 1-3 million people in the United States live with it!”

1. The illness I live with is? Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), which is a form of dysautonomia. Dysautonomia is an umbrella term for syndromes that involve misfirings of the autonomic nervous system. You can learn about POTS’ mechanisms and vast array of symptoms in this short video.

Source: Dysautonomia International.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2016.

3. But I’ve had symptoms: My entire life, but they got far worse once I turned 20 about 4 years ago.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: I spent almost half of my summer in 2016 at Mayo Clinic or en route to Mayo Clinic! I went for a week to get diagnosed and seen by a bunch of different doctors, and then I returned for a 20-day intensive pain and symptom management program afterward that gave me my life back. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. In terms of my daily life adjustments, in order to manage the symptoms I get the most – higher-than-normal heart rate upon standing or sitting, fatigue, brain fog, dizziness, sweating, weakness, headaches, and nausea – I’ve had to adjust my life significantly. Because of all of these adjustments, though, I’ve started to feel so much better. I had to start exercising 4-5 times a week, weight training 3-4 times a week, eating 6 small meals a day, ingesting 4-8x the amount of salt as a person without POTS to help my blood flow to all parts of my body better, wearing compression stockings or compression shorts, taking 3 different kinds of meds for the symptoms, drinking about a gallon of water a day, and trusting my body to do what it needs to do, even though I know it has problems. These take a lot of time, effort, endurance, and patience, and I’m not perfectly adherent in keeping them, but I do my best. I’ve written an entire piece on managing it, and chronic illnesses in general, if you want some Mayo Clinic-approved and personal success story-proven tips.

5. Most people assume: That the main symptoms of orthostatic intolerance (having the heart rate shoot up and not go back down, like it’s supposed to, upon standing up) and exercise intolerance (though you can train up to it!) are due to laziness and being out of shape. Some doctors don’t think that POTS is a real problem, and one even told me that it’s the “medicalization of inactivity.” That’s just wrong.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Knowing that getting out of bed is going to make me feel dizzy, nauseous, and fatigued. Once I drink a few cups of water, take my meds, and eat my first small meal of the day, I start to feel human.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Grey’s Anatomy.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My Fitbit. I have a bunch of other favorite products that help me manage my life in general, though, which I’ve put into lists based on the kind of help they give me: vocational and physical. (At some point I’ll have one for mental health!)

9. The hardest part about nights are: Sometimes being absolutely exhausted and feeling like I have nothing left in me to the point where I don’t want to talk or do anything. However, when I manage my symptoms well, and make sure to moderate and pace myself throughout the day by taking rests, I can make it to the end of the day these days. It’s often my fibromyalgia (a chronic pain syndrome that can be linked with POTS) that gives me the most trouble by the end of the day, but that’s a different story.

10. Each day I take 12-14 pills & vitamins.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Believe in ones with evidence and don’t buy into the ones that don’t. There are a lot of non-medical things that I do to manage my POTS symptoms (see articles on how I manage and what products I use for my vocational and physical health, but I’d be toast without my medications for it to help bolster what I already do.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: This is a can of worms. Living with an invisible illness (or, in my case, four different ones) means living in a liminal space where you’re never quite healthy enough, yet never quite sick enough. The truth is that many chronic illnesses are only invisible if those around you choose to avert their eyes. However, when I was at Mayo Clinic’s Pain Rehabilitation Center, I learned how to do what we termed “stealth moves” to take care of myself without others noticing so as to not worry others around me, as well as not have my life revolve around pain and symptoms by others’ constant questions. (I couldn’t recommend the PRC enough because it gave me back my life. And, amazingly, in my young adult cohort, more than 80% of us had POTS! There was an unspoken and life-changing understanding among us). At this point, I’m grateful they’re invisible because it allows me to more easily live life without others worrying or trying to accommodate me because I can usually take care of myself. However, I’m glad that I have many trustworthy family members and friends who remind me that I don’t have to go it alone.

  With the idea and urging of a friend, I created this game called “Spoonopoly” (based on the Spoon Theory of chronic illness) that shows just how much little things that most people don’t even think away can, and just might, zap away your energy if you live with something like POTS.

  13. Regarding working and career: I have to take care of myself very carefully and closely in order to assure that I will be able to keep going strong. There have been various points in my chronic illness journey when I didn’t think I’d be able to work even a part-time job, so it’s a miracle that I interned this summer as a hospital chaplain with more than full-time hours! (I’m worked 75 hours one week because, you know, 24-hour on-call shifts. What). I get to do work I love, so I try to keep well enough to do it.

14. People would be surprised to know: Just how fatigued I feel so much (read: all) of the time, yet I come across as having a lot of energy because I’m a positive and gregarious person. Looks can be deceiving, but I’d rather live life to the fullest I can rather than having it pass me by.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Slowing myself down on my best ways, or pushing myself on my worst days. It looks different every day, and it’s hard not to be able to be as consistent as I’d like to be.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Hike up steep mountains again! I may be the sweatiest person alive when I get to the top, but y’all, what a gift it is to be able to see the world on foot, despite what my heart rate can be. This is a picture of me on my way up Masada in Palestine, which is pretty much a straight-up cliff that goes more than 1,300 feet up.

17. The commercials about my illness: Are non-existent. Most doctors have no idea that it’s a thing, so why would there be lucrative pharmaceutical enterprises for it?

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Actually, getting my diagnosis helped me get things that I had lost back.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Getting to be totally carefree about my health. It’s a job, y’all. But you have to laugh anyway – otherwise you won’t make it.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Taking walks around the neighborhood on days that I want to get exercise, but don’t feel like going on the elliptical.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: You know, at this point, I live a pretty normal life by my own standards. I wish I could be a bit more consistent and carefree, but that’s a human struggle that we all go through at points in our lives, no?

22. My illness has taught me: How weird the human body can be! I can’t even describe the strangeness of some of the tests that you have to undergo to get diagnosed conclusively with a dysautonomic condition. Here are two pictures from my diagnostic period at Mayo Clinic: one of me wearing all sorts of medical devices to monitor my heart rate and blood pressure, and after I underwent a sweat test to make sure I had autonomic nervous system dysfunction rather than brain damage They put sand on you that turns purple on contact with sweat. Let’s just say I was amused, but also a bit disturbed.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “You’re so lucky to have a handicap permit for your car!” (I use one on my worst health days.) I would do anything to not need one, so this one small societal perk isn’t even sort of worth the sometimes-disabling health conditions that allowed me to get one. “God has a good plan for your health problems.” This is plain old unhelpful and even aggravating. I believe that God does beautiful things with the situations surrounding them, and I am grateful for what I have learned, but I would erase the health problems from my life in an instant if I could.

24. But I love it when people: Are willing to sit with me when I need to take a break; flexible in making plans with me, including adventurous ones; and compassionate about what I go through, not seeing me as a victim, instead hear and help bear my pain.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I have a LOT, but one that fits my journey particularly well is this: “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: That this isn’t the end of the world, even though it sometimes feels like it. How much they can work to improve their situation. How they’ll be able to have a good life, despite their symptoms. I’m living proof that things can change if you’re dedicated, and I am no stronger than you – just perhaps a bit farther in the journey! (And that means I now know some advice that’s actually helpful.)

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: The compassion, wisdom, and patience that accompany it. I’ve become a much better listener and friend now that I know more about what’s like to undergo the unexpected and undesired.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Take out the trash that had been accumulating for weeks, make me dinner (a dish that fit my dietary restrictions), and do the dishes for me. I sobbed. And that’s just one example – I could name so many more. I love my friends so much.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: 96% of disabilities are invisible, yet everyone assumes that disability is a binary where you’re either visibly disabled or entirely healthy. No such thing, y’all. I’m also involved in invisible illness awareness campaigns because being disabled does not mean that I’m a total inspiration or a horrific tragedy. That’s another false binary around disability, so I’m smashing the expectations by sharing my lived experiences – the gray area, a liminal space rather than one that is black and white.

Carol Rossetti has amazing cartoon depictions of unexpected victories in body positivity and feminism like this.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Glad because this is an under-diagnosed syndrome that needs more attention! Thank you.

30 Things About Living with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) The questions and inspiration for this post originally came from Invisible Illness Week 2015. I've written a…

[howellrichard]

The Secret to Creating Healthy Habits that Stick

Hiya Gorgeous!

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say we’ve all struggled to create and/or keep healthy habits that help us feel better—body and spirit. At one point or another, most of us have probably wished for a quick fix—a straightforward formula that’ll get us from A (pre-habit) to B (vibrant health and a little more ease in our lives).

Starting and maintaining healthy habits can feel like an uphill battle (the kind with steep cliffs and sweaty pits). It’s no wonder many of us end up searching for ways to hack the path to point B. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as a magic habit wand.

That said, developing sustainable routines that support you doesn’t have to be so hard. Magic wands may be a bust, but there IS a secret sauce. And once you learn it, you’ll never approach healthy habits the same way again.

Here’s an important truth: the real key to cultivating the life you want is actually a lot simpler (and a lot less popular to talk about!). That’s what my 5 pillars of wellness are about, and we’re gonna explore what that means in just a bit.

But let’s pause for a special announcement—I can’t keep this to myself any longer!

Quick sidebar: If this habits chat is resonating with you so far, then you’re gonna love my 5-Day Back-to-Basics Wellness Boot Camp. This experience includes 5 days of support from me (in your inbox AND via live video broadcasts), a boot camp guide, access to our private community and lots of other fun free gifts to help you break through the barriers blocking you from your vibrant health goals. And we’re going to keep it really simple and make it fun, because I want you to see how just a little effort can take you a long way.

If that sounds like exactly what you need right now, go here to join me for free. Otherwise, keep reading and I’ll give you some more deets later on in this post.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

My 5 Pillars of Wellness: The Foundation for Vibrant Health

So, remember what I said before about there being a secret sauce for creating healthy habits? Well, all of the best sauces start out with a great base… and that’s exactly what the 5 pillars of wellness are all about. Think of the pillars like the tomatoes to your favorite marinara, the avocados to your guac (ok, not technically a sauce, but you get the picture!).

If you’ve been hanging out with me for a while, then this might sound familiar. But if you’re new here or just need a reminder, my 5 pillars of wellness are: What you’re eating, drinking and thinking, and how you’re resting and renewing.

Out of all the stuff we can choose to focus our energy on, I’ve found that these five categories have the biggest impact on our overall well-being. In other words, the pillars are must-haves for creating the kind of internal and external environments that allow us to truly thrive.

Let’s break down each pillar so you can get more familiar with how they’ll support you.

What You’re Eating

Is it any surprise that I’m starting here? The produce aisle was my first stop after my cancer diagnosis, after all!

I will never forget the moment in my Healing Cancer World Summit interview with Dwight McKee, MD (a leading integrative oncologist who helps his patients heal from and prevent cancer with proper nutrition) when he said, “Cooking is a survival skill.” Boom.

I couldn’t think of a better way to sum up this first pillar than with those words. Knowing how to nourish our bodies is at the core of health and healing. I’m not talking about deprivation. I’m talking about respecting ourselves by cooking and eating plenty of eating whole, plant-based foods… Reducing inflammation and increasing our joy in the kitchen. Savoring the flavors we love and trying new stuff too—without compromising our health. And ultimately, accessing and trusting our own inner wisdom when it comes to what we eat.

This may sound like a lot to keep track of, but I promise that it’s easier and a lot more fun than you might think. It all starts with eating your veggies. We’ll cover this one day 1 of the boot camp, so go sign up here if this is something you want to work on.

What You’re Drinking

I love having coffee a couple times a week and indulging in the occasional cocktail, but no drink gets me more excited than good old H2O (well, green juice is a close second!).

If you’ve been tuning into my weekly Wellness Wednesday broadcasts on Facebook and Instagram (join me live!), then you know how passionate I am about hydration. And it’s not just because I know how good I feel when I get enough water every day. Dehydration (especially if it’s chronic) can be a serious problem for your health. It can cause fever, low blood pressure, fatigue and even mess with the way your brain functions (source). And you can bet that stuff will stand in the way of those healthy habits you’re working so hard to create.

To find out how much water you should aim to drink every day, divide your body weight (in pounds) by two to get the approximate amount of ounces you need. For those using metrics, divide your weight in kilograms by 30 to determine how many liters of water you need per day.

Psst… here’s a pro tip to get you started on the path to better hydration: If you feel thirsty, chances are you’re already dehydrated (source). Keep sippin’, sweetheart!

What You’re Thinking

Now that we’ve covered the first two pillars of wellness—what you’re eating and drinking—it’s time to talk soul stuff. Because at the end of the day, all the kale and water in the world won’t add up to our healing if we’re out of balance in other areas.

The thinking pillar is about noticing your thoughts, especially the thoughts you have about yourself. It’s about letting go of judgement about your feelings (the good, the bad and everything in between). And perhaps most importantly, it’s about creating healthy habits for managing stress, because that’s the number one catalyst for disease.

Learning how to manage stress and be kinder and more compassionate to yourself is different for everyone (meditation, Tapping, mindful breaks, etc.!). It takes practice. We’ll find what works for you in the boot camp, but here’s something to noodle on in the meantime: If you can change your mind, you can transform your life.

How You’re Resting

The fourth pillar of wellness may sound like a snoozefest, but it’s just as critical to your overall well-being as the rest (heh… pun intended!).

I’ve written so much about sleep because I know that so many folks struggle to get the recommended 7.5-8 hours per night. I hope you’ll check out some of those articles (here’s one of my faves, or just search for “sleep” here on kriscarr.com) but here are some of the need-to-know details:

An estimated 20-40 percent of adults aren’t getting enough sleep. In America alone, 70 million people suffer from some sort of sleep disorder.

Getting sleep is necessary for everything from building your immunity and regulating your appetite, to cleaning out your brain’s waste products and saving your memories (learn more about what happens when you sleep).

Not all sleep is created equal—your bedtime routine and environment can have a huge impact on the quality of your rest.

There’s more to rest than sleep. Taking time to refuel your energy tank while you’re awake is important, too.

Luckily, there’s a lot you can do (minimal effort required) to create healthy habits for sleep. We’ll get there on day 4 of our boot camp!

How You’re Renewing

This last pillar is about two things: movement and play (yup, having fun is part of the pillars!).

Let’s start with exercise. According to the CDC, less than a quarter of Americans get the recommended 150 minutes of moderate or 75 minutes of vigorous exercise each week (source). I’m a firm believer that this isn’t the result of a lack of understanding about the many benefits of movement. It’s really because exercise has an image problem that we desperately need to clean up. If you take nothing else away from this pillar, I hope you’ll remember this: Exercise does not have to be painful. It should be something you actually enjoy doing. You have one beautiful body, treat it with care.

And last, but certainly not least—play! Part of the renewing pillar is to have fun! Allow yourself regular, unstructured free time to follow your whimsy. Enjoy a hobby, see great art, travel, connect with friends and fully recharge. Just because you’re a grown up, doesn’t mean you don’t need playdates. In fact, your soul comes alive through joy. So if you crave a well-lived life, make play a non-negotiable part of your schedule.

Let’s Build Your 5 Pillars Together!

We’ll further unpack each pillar in our 5-Day Back-to-Basics Wellness Boot Camp through simple yet powerful daily micro-actions. Not sure quite what that means? We’ll cover that in the boot camp too, but for now, know this: The easy exercises we’ll explore will help you create the vibrant life you’ve always dreamed of.

This one-of-a-kind live experience is totally free and it starts September 12. That’s THIS Thursday, so go get your cute butt signed up (or at least check this out to get the full scoop)!

I’m so excited because I know in my bones that these 5 days have the power to transform your perspective and overall well-being. And ya know what? You deserve that.

Your turn: Let me know you’re all in for our 5-Day Back-to-Basics Bootcamp by commenting, “I’m in!” below. Mwah!

Peace & pillars of wellness,

The post The Secret to Creating Healthy Habits that Stick appeared first on KrisCarr.com.