#remembering a few years ago when everyone on the internet was like 'sweater weather is the bisexual anthem!' bitch where

[mbat]

i hate when people say that a song is an anthem for a group of people because like, if it is one, then it will just be one

like, people shouldnt need to say 'did i just create the new ___ anthem??' or 'omg guys we have a new anthem!!'

especially cause people say it about songs that arent that different from literally any other song/about songs that have nothing to do with anything ??

[fruitcoops]

Can you do one where it turns out greyback injuring Remus way back years ago was actually caught on camera and that video of young remus getting his shoulder ripped is like released at a hockey game on the screen or maybe just put online and everyone sees what happens Omg please I'm begging you to do this!!! ILYYY

Hello anon! This is a really interesting idea and I’ve been thinking about it for a while--the NHL doesn’t allow security cameras in locker rooms, but I assumed there would be audio somewhere from one nearby. People who leak ~scandalous information~ on the internet are literally the worst.

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for graphic descriptions of injury (mostly the sounds)

“How did this happen?” Remus asked, wincing internally at the tremor in his voice. He was shaking from head to toe; it was a miracle he hadn’t started screaming yet. Then again, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to stop. “How the hell did this happen?”

“We don’t know,” Alice said quietly in the chair across from him. “This information was confidential and we haven’t even presented it to the NHL board for review. Someone must have leaked it to the press.”

“Why does this keep happening to me? First Sirius, and now—” He pressed his lips together as his voice cracked. There were a few beats of silence. “Why did you call me in here? I already saw it on the internet.”

“We need you to confirm it was you and Fenrir.” Alice looked him in the eyes. “If you don’t think you can listen to this, Remus, that’s okay, but it will help us build a stronger case to get him punished.”

He took a deep breath. “Can—can Sirius come and sit with me for it?”

“Of course.” She stood and left the room, leaving him alone with the coach.

“You’ve listened to it, haven’t you.”

Arthur nodded. “I’m so sorry, Remus.”

“I don’t need you to be sorry, I need people to not look at me like some sob story.” Bitter fury rose in his throat, though he wasn’t angry with Arthur. “I worked hard to get there and even harder to come back. I’m done dwelling on the past. This is going to undo everything and I’m sick of it.”

“Did the team know?”

“I told some of them when Sirius was at All-Stars.” Remus knew Arthur remembered the fight; he had chewed Sirius out for it as soon as practices resumed. “Didn’t tell my parents, though.”

Arthur closed his eyes and let out a long breath. The door clicked open behind him. “Re?”

“Hey, baby.” Instant relief washed over Remus, though he still felt like he would lose it at any moment.

Sirius settled into the chair next to him and held out his hand—Remus took it immediately, scooting their chairs closer together so their shoulders touched. “Are you ready?” Alice asked, picking up a remote. Remus nodded.

The video was grainy, but the audio was pristine. A few voices—familiar voices, I remember them clear as day—jumbled together as the last members of the team filtered out of the locker room. “See you tomorrow, Moony!” one called over his shoulder. “Great game!”

“Bye, Tags!” Remus said from inside. Did I really sound that young?

The hallway outside the locker room was empty; he heard himself shifting around inside as he stretched out. Left thigh, right thigh, left calf, right calf, reach and roll. “Hey, Lupin.” Fenrir’s gravelly voice made him freeze and Sirius rested his other hand on top of theirs.

“Sup, Backer.” A light smack signaled their fistbump. “That was a beautiful goal you had at the end of the third, by the way. The scouts definitely saw.”

“They certainly did. Are your folks here tonight?”

“Yeah, Jules was so excited. He’s been bouncing off the walls for the past couple days.” The unbridled fondness in his younger voice was a balm. Jules had been convinced that he would be drafted to the NHL right after that game.

“They’re saying you’ll be number one.”

“Really?” Young Remus laughed. “I dunno, man, there are a lot of players this year. You and me are neck and neck, right?”

Dumbass! he wanted to shout. Just shut up for once! “Neck and neck,” Fenrir muttered, barely loud enough for the camera to pick up. “Hey, do you need a hand with your stretches?”

“Sure, thanks. Might have a bruise from your pads tomorrow, eh?” The friendly joke made him wince. More shuffling noises followed. The hall stayed empty.

“Here?” Fenrir asked. There was a dangerous edge to his voice and Remus swallowed around the sudden dryness of his mouth.

“Yeah, that’s—okay, that’s actually a bit too far, can you let up a bit? Fenrir, you’re pulling too hard.” Panic seeped in. “Fenrir, stop, you’re hurting me—”

There was a horrible cracking noise and younger Remus’ strangled shout cut off abruptly as his shoulder came out of the socket. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Sirius’ hand. If he focused, he could still feel Fenrir’s fingers pressing his face into the mats.

“‘Look at me, I’m Remus Lupin, I’m the fastest player on the ice and I’ll be number one’,” Fenrir mimicked as Remus’ agonized whines continued. “You think you’re so clever. So perfect. You’ve never had to work a day in your life. I’m the best player out there and the scouts are fucking idiots if they think you’re better.”

A muffled wail ended with a gasp and a series of pops. “Please—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Fenrir growled. “Look at you now, crying like a girl. You’re never going to tell anybody about this, because I know your secret.” Remus’ breath shuddered. “Oh, yeah, I know all about you. If you even think about tattling, everyone is going to know.”

“Ple—ah.” Sirius’ grip tightened around his fingers as Remus’ sharp cry caught in his chest. The green-tinted video fuzzed out for a moment, but still nobody walked past. Fenrir had planned this well.

“You’re nothing now, Lupin. You are damaged goods and you’ll never set foot on the ice again.” His voice lowered. “If you do, I’ll find you.”

There was a thud as he finally released Remus’ arm and quiet, wheezing sobs filled the silence. “What did you do to me? Oh my god, oh my god, it hurts so much, what the hell did you do?”

Remus tasted something salty on the edge of his lips and pressed his thumb against Sirius’ ring. This was real. This was his. Sirius loved him. The team loved him.

“I did what I had to do. Say hi to Jules for me.”

The locker room door opened a few seconds later and Fenrir walked out, flexing his hand. With the open door, Remus’ hoarse weeping was clearer as he was left alone on the floor. The video ended.

“Remus.” Alice held out a box of tissues, her voice gentle as the screen went dark. He reached out for one, but his hand was shaking too bad to grab it; Sirius took one and carefully wiped his cheeks dry with feather-light touches.

“That was him,” Remus managed around the boulder in his throat. “That was Fenrir Greyback, and that was me.”

“Would you be able to swear it in court?”

“What the fuck do you think?” Remus snarled. Sirius ran his thumb over his knuckles. “Do you want to see the scars on my shoulder, too? What reason do I have to lie?”

“I meant are you prepared to talk about this in front of people?” Alice rephrased, calm and collected as ever. “This is a traumatic event and I don’t want to force you into anything.”

“Remus, you’re a valued player on the team,” Arthur said. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe in this league.”

“Don’t look at me differently. Now that you know this, now that everyone knows, people will treat me like I’m fragile. I’m the same person I was two days ago and this will not change how I play.”

“I know.” Arthur folded his hands on the desk. “You’re a fighter, Loops. That’s one of the reasons I wanted you on my team.”

“Do you two need a moment before you head back out?” Alice asked, glancing between him and Sirius. “We’re going to kick the reporters out and then everyone’s going to go home for the day while we talk to the board.”

“We do, yeah.” Remus’ voice wavered and coach stood, following Alice into the hall.

“Oh, mon loup,” Sirius murmured, standing and pulling him into a hug. A kiss pressed against the top of his head and Remus grabbed the back of his soft shirt like it was the only thing holding him steady. “I am so sorry.”

“You already knew.”

“No, I didn’t. You told me, but—” Sirius faltered. “I had no idea how bad it was. The things he said to you…”

“Were wrong.” Remus finished. He had spent so many long nights and dark days convincing himself of that.

“They were wrong. You are not damaged goods,” Sirius said fiercely, pulling back to hold his face in his hands. His eyes were fiery. “Listen to me, Remus. You are not damaged. You are everything to me and I love you for exactly who you are.”

“I love you, too.” Remus’ lower lip wobbled and he rested his forehead on Sirius’ chest again. “Hearing it—I already knew what happened, but hearing it was horrible.”

“It was.”

“I’m sorry I made you listen with me.”

“Don’t be sorry, mon amour. I’m with you through the good, the bad, and everything else. I’m glad I was with you for this.”

“The team…” He trailed off and sighed. “I don’t want them to see that. My folks, too.”

“I think they already have,” Sirius admitted. “But they love you so much and they’ll be here for whatever you need.”

“We have to go sometime.” He took a deep breath and stepped back, rubbing his eyes and kissing Sirius quickly. “Alright, let’s go.”

They made it four steps down the hall before James appeared and engulfed Remus in a hug. “Holy shit, I’m so angry,” he choked out on a harsh breath. “I love you, man.”

“Love you too, J. Where’s everyone else?”

“Inside. I called dibs on first hug.”

“Have they all seen it?”

“Some of it. I don’t know if anyone watched it all the way through.” He sniffled and squeezed Remus tighter. “I don’t know how you came back from that.”

“PT helped.” He closed his eyes and leaned into James. “So did you guys. I couldn’t have made it this far without you.”

“Neither could we.” James pulled back. “Do you want to see them or are you heading out?”

“Heading h—”

“I want to see them,” Remus interrupted quietly. Sirius raised his eyebrows. “It’s going to happen sometime. Might as well be now.”

James nodded and walked over to the locker room door. “Ready?”

Remus laced his fingers with Sirius’. “Let’s do it.”

[13thsongbird]

The few people that read this blog and also follow my personal Instagram will know I’ve already made this joke once recently, but it brings me joy and I refuse to be ashamed! It’s one of the best one-liners from a character who zings ’em out like no other – and who doesn’t love when Meryl Streep gets to be sassy?

Photo credit to 20th Century Fox via Buzzfeed 🙂

Anywho, on to the main event – I’ve made a thing! And the fabric is an absolute dream. I applied to a call a while back on Instagram for sewists that would like to work with Sitka Fabrics, to be sent fabric in exchange for sewing it up and providing pictures of their stock used in garments that they could use for marketing and social media. Sitka is a Canadian company, but they ship internationally (their About page includes the line “fabrics do not have borders” – love that!) and their fabrics are thoughtfully selected and gorgeous. I was thrilled to be chosen, and even more thrilled when they told us they were stocking a modal rib knit for the fall that they wanted pictures of ASAP! I’ve not worked with modal before, but everyone raves about it, and this was the perfect chance to try some really nice quality stuff. Not to mention, the colors they’re stocking are seriously dreamy.

Receiving the fabric, I instantly saw what everyone was raving about. Modal is so soft, y’all – it’s silky and huggable and has the most luxurious drape. Plus, this rib knit is 10% spandex, so in addition to being silky and utterly stroke-worthy, it’s also got pretty great recovery for such a drapey knit. I got the warm ochre, which is an awesome shade of pumpkin orange – not pumpkin like plastic Halloween decorations, but like an actual pumpkin sitting ripe and warm in the late afternoon sun. When I first chose the color, I’d thought it was more of a golden yellow, but ’twas my screen that deceived me! It’s the same old tale of shopping for fabric on the internet – not all screens are built the same, and colors can show up differently. When in doubt, contact the seller! The team at Sitka has been very prompt and helpful any time I’ve had an issue or question, and if you’re trying to match colors I’m sure they’d be happy to give guidance if you’re unsure. As I wasn’t trying to match colors, and the orange that showed up was every bit as lovely as the yellow I’d expected, I simply kept stroking this ohmigodsosoft fabric and planning the best way to make use of its beauty.

Initially, since I’d never sewn with this fabric before, I was thinking a simple ribbed t-shirt or tank would be a great showcase for it (the Kila Tank by Indiesew looks like an amazing basic tank and I wanna try it soon), but once I had it in my hands I knew it demanded to be something a little more special. More romantic. Plus, the weather has just finally started to turn more towards fall here in NYC, and my mind is kicking into high gear autumn sewing mode. I wanted something that felt autumnal!

That was when I remembered the Seamwork Elmira. A simple ballet-style wrap cardigan with some extreme tie action going on in the front, I’ve had it in my Seamwork pattern library for ages, and actually printed it out months ago with the intention of adding it to my winter wardrobe last year. (Whoops.) I love that instead of huge long ties that wrap all the way around, the innermost front wrap buttons on the inside and the other front is then simply tied across to complete the wrap without the bulk. Plus, I don’t like wrap sweaters that tie in the back – I hate putting on a coat or sitting down and leaning back in a chair, and feeling the hard knot of knit fabric digging into my spine. However, the change in pattern meant I was not going to have enough fabric, especially since the directionality of a rib knit meant I couldn’t throw grainline to the wind and get creative with my cutting layout – I’d only asked for a yard and a half, and the Elmira calls for over two yards, plus I wanted to fully line the back instead of turning and stitching the hem and neck back like in the instructions. I laid out my pattern pieces on the rib knit and determined that I could fit everything except my back lining piece and the second set of ties, which got me thinking – a contrast tie could be a nice look. Did I have anything in my stash that would play nicely with this orange? I did a little digging, and when I found the rest of the Girl Charlee cotton jersey I used to make a Nettie bodysuit in May (on the blog here) I knew that was the winner. The cream ground and coral-and-yellow tones jived nicely with my orange, and the fuchsia and green added a nice pop of contrast. It also felt very summer-to-fall transitional, which is utterly appropriate for how I want to dress right now, and MOST IMPORTANTLY I had tons of it left – more than enough to cut out my additional pattern pieces and get cracking!

I’ve not done a lot of sewing with rib knits, and I was worried the modal would stretch out of shape as I put it through the machine, but it sewed up like a dream – I sewed the whole wrap on my regular machine using a zig-zag stitch and a normal presser foot. After a little internet and Instagram research, I chose to reinforce the seam at the wrap edges with clear elastic, and in the end I think I could have pulled it a little bit tighter – the long edge wants to stretch, and in a knit fabric it’s hard to keep it from doing what it wants! If I make this sweater again, I think I might draft a front band to rein in that wrap a little more.

As I said, I also chose to fully line the bodice, which gave a cleaner finish inside – the only exposed seams are at the armscye and the cuff, and the back neck feels more stable than it would have with just a turned-down hem (although I could probably have used some clear elastic in that seam as well. C’est la vie.) Sizing-wise, I also turned to the internet and determined that I needed to add about two inches of length; the back I simply left long at the bottom with a little extra shaping to accommodate my sway-back, and the front I lengthened two inches just below the armscye, moving the bottom of the wrap over to match the diagonal (and thus adding some length to the wrap itself – I sized down to a Large knowing I’d be doing this, but in the end I probably could have lost some of that extra wrap length). I shortened the sleeves about two inches as well, both because I thought it would look cute with 3/4 length sleeves and because I didn’t have quite enough fabric for full-length.

The finished result is absolutely divine. The modal makes it soft and squishy but still sleek and elegant, and the color is perfect for this time of year, while the pop of floral keeps it from feeling aggressively Halloween-themed. It’s definitely a layering piece, rather than a top in its own right, although I think taking a little length off the front wraps would allow it to pull tight enough for a really pretty top in a lighter-weight fabric. As it is, this beauty is going to see me through the colder weather nicely, just as soon as it actually starts getting cold again – of course, the minute I finished this, temps in New York jumped from the 60s and 70s back up into the 80s! I still wore it around the house for a while with the A/C cranked up, just because I love it so much. Plus, my roommates have already gone all-in on the Halloween decorations, so it’s hard not to feel autumnal no matter the temperature! And I’ve saved every single scrap of the modal rib – I don’t exactly know what I’m going to use it for, but I can’t bear the thought of not using every last bit. Bigger scraps might end up becoming panties or a soft bra, and longer pieces I might try to use as ribbed binding for other projects. We shall see!

Rib knits, for fall? Groundbreaking… The few people that read this blog and also follow my personal Instagram will know I've already made this joke once recently, but it brings me joy and I refuse to be ashamed!

[masterturner]

long drawn out personal post

this is a bit stream of consciousness, so if you’re reading this and trying to make sense of it, im sorry. its okay if youd rather not. its a lot and its emotional labour to even read it probably. it’s been almost a year since the breakup now. every day closer to the anniversary of it, i feel a little more broken. i’ve had two suicide attempts since then, a prolonged IOP thing, and i no longer see a therapist (though i really should start again). im not crying about borderline personality disorder though. this is all breakup shit. still.  im still holding together somehow. i dont really know how, some days. ive gone through the whole cycle of grieving multiple times now, cycling again and again through denial and bargaining and all that, ‘til i reach acceptance and think the hurricane is at its end. then i find i’m just in the eye of the storm, and it’ll soon pass as i get caught up in the winds again. then i do the whole cycle over and over again. thats what the therapists in the IOP said it was. a grieving process. you can grieve the terminus of a relationship the same way you grieve a dead person. it sounds so silly when i make that comparison. they also said that progress and healing are nonlinear and that it’s not really necessarily going to be as simple as passing through the grieving process a single time.  i said it sounds silly. its not silly though. its real, and i have to remind myself of that from time to time. i dont usually talk about anything personal on here, and its a little weird that im doing it now. but i guess im doing it because i dont know where else to do it. i could do it on facebook, but it feels attention-grabby, needy in a way i always feel weird being. doing it here under a little ‘read more’ thing feels less obtrusive and private, but not so private that im completely trapped in my own skull again. i hate feeling trapped in my own skull.  the anxiety bubbled up and got bad again pretty constantly. it got that way tonight. i felt my heart race while i tried to sleep. usually the worst points stemmed from me looking my ex up and seeing how their life was progressing along without me. unlike me, my ex has a drive and interest in the performance of social media that i generally lack. my social media experience begins and ends in shallow ways: i look at cute butts on tumblr, reblog dumb memes and get vague impressions of things going on in the world and such through the sometimes nonsensical things other people reblog. thats about it. my ex, though, shes the kind of person that does things like update her facebook profile picture at least once in a 6 month period, unlike yours truly.  i dont even follow her or have her friended anymore on facebook. heaven forbid i had an instagram to see what kind of stuff was going on there. it always got the worst when i saw her with her new SO. now i get to look at that every time i get the nerve to message her. its literally painful to even look to the extent i have to archive or delete every stray line of text we send to one another afterward.  i was seriously in denial - i talked myself into believing the SO wasnt an obstacle, wasnt a big deal, he was just a rebound and it didnt invalidate me. it didnt make me lesser, and it didnt mean that i was being replaced. after all, what stranger can replace 5 years of memories and experiences together? but i was a rebound too, and that led to a deep and intense relationship. why couldnt it this time too?  i was naive, i think. hopeful and naive, and i really wanted to believe this and that. ‘i know her’ i’d tell myself. ‘i know her, and i know she wouldn’t think this’ or ‘she wouldn’t do this’. but it’s wishful thinking.  maybe a part of me always did know better. maybe i stopped listening to that part of my own psyche because i started to recognize how harmful it was.  it’s kind of messed up how that works though? like... you can be happy with someone, but also be terrified of that day when they realize they can do better. and then it becomes a sort of twisted, fucked-up self-fulfilling prophecy because that thought sucks the life and passion out of you. it’s insidious and slow.  and it’s tempting to look at it like ‘i was right all along, everyone will leave me’, but that’s not really how it necessarily is. thats just the trauma talking, the fear, the part of my mind that’s lazy and resigned to suffering and collapse. it was that fear that made it real. maybe if i’d learned to manage that fear, though, things could have been different. would have been different.  it’s pointless to speculate on that though. the reason i say it isnt to speculate though, it’s because im trying to remind myself that it can apply to right now. the friendships and relationships i have now - few and far between as they may be, stretched thin as they may be, damaged and in dire need of repair as they may be - aren’t doomed to failure just because i’m afraid of loss and abandonment. the collapse doesnt have to be inevitable.  maybe talking like i’ve learned and figured something out from all this will make me feel better. maybe believing it all had a purpose will make it feel like it was worth it. eventually. right now, though, it doesnt.  i’m still so upset. i’m still miserable and i still long for things i can’t have. i miss affection. i miss being touched, even in a plain and nonsexual way. i miss being kissed and i miss being hugged. i miss being wanted, and every day i wonder if ill ever feel that again. and then i get to thinking, would it be enough to feel that from just anyone again? why do i feel so starved for... any kind of affection at all? why do i feel so desperate for something - anything like this? could anyone ever love me the way my ex did? i guess the cynical and plain answer to that is no, but thats okay. and maybe someone else can love me better. and maybe that desperate longing to be loved, cherished, cared about, touched, anything is just a symptom of an addiction that’s yet to pass. kind of a cold and clinical way to put it though, and i dont know if thats really me. yet i dont want someone else because its not enough to just have anyone. my ex left me, and now i still have that feeling of being invalidated, devalued, abandoned, and ultimately replaced. even if someone else came along and professed undying love for me, no matter how i welcomed it, that feeling of being tossed aside would remain. and i dont know how to come back from it.  i hate how much my mind... fixates on it. like... everything makes me think of it. i cant make a status on facebook without wondering if my ex will see it, what she might think. i cant leave my house and go somewhere without wondering, what if my ex sees me? what would she think of what im doing? would she approve, or be proud of me? would it impress her? or would it disappoint her? it saps the joy out of almost everything i do. i cant watch an old show without feeling bad im watching it without her. i cant help but wonder if she feels the same, or if shes gotten over it. and a part of me doesnt want to know the answer to that wonder. does she still listen to mili? coheed? does she listen to ‘old flames’ on repeat like i do? when ‘sweater weather’ comes on, does she think of me or someone else?  even now as i write this, i wonder if my ex still stops to peer at my dumb blog from time to time for a hint of how im doing and what im thinking. and i dont even know if id want to know, because seeing this message in that light casts a pall over it that makes me feel sick. i didnt want my ex to see how not okay i am. i didnt want her to see the part of me that feels so sick still. and i dont want to know that she doesn’t look at this either. so here i am at an impasse, writing words and tossing them into the void of the internet, hoping for and expecting only silence, while also hating and fearing the very same. id like to think that maybe this is a sign i dont care anymore, but i think i know better than to really believe that.  i force myself every day to just... not reach out. not say anything to her thats real or vulnerable - the few times ive talked to her it feels forced and fake. and it feels like ive cut off a limb, because im so used to leaning and relying on her. but i feel like i have to, because expecting that level of emotional labour from someone that has cut those ties with me seems silly and foolish... not to mention selfish.  why? maybe a part of me thinks that by hiding it, i’d win her back someday. or maybe im just afraid of being burdensome and difficult. or maybe i just... genuinely do want her to be happy without me. i wish it was that last one. i wish i could just back off and be happy that shes with someone else that maybe will treat her good in a way that i couldnt, or didnt.  i dont know what i want, though. i know what i dont want though. i know i hate feeling like this and i wish i could make it stop, but i cant. its not really getting easier. i had the borderline shit before this, and i could end up meeting the criteria my whole life for all i know. the breakup is just a massive complication in that whole mess, but i dont know if id even know what was wrong with me if i didnt have that relationship in the first place.  there was a day a few days ago, or maybe a week or two ago (i dont remember) where i wanted to hurt myself (not physically though for whatever reason), and in order to do it, i made myself do something i was starting to break the habit of doing. i browsed her facebook profile and scoured it for anything that’d make it sting again. i succeeded - it didnt take much. a few pictures, a relationship status change, that was pretty much it. my mind filled in the blanks after that because of course it did. it snowballed into full blown catastrophizing. they’re probably madly in love. they’re probably moving in together, if they havent’ already done so. they’re probably making plans to get married. they’re probably this and that and this and that - like it matters. like it affects me somehow.  but it doesnt. not really, not physically anyway. i dont have to look, and its like i hope not looking will make it hurt less. but not looking makes me hope, and hope has bred more hurt than anything else in the past year.  since i last looked her up in that fog of need to hurt myself emotionally, a lot of that dreadful hope i had that i could win her back drained away, and i want to believe that the pain will go away now. i havent talked to her since then. i still think about her. i still dream. i still fear and i still wonder and reflect. but i havent talked to her. is that good? is it bad? is it anything other than what it is? does it matter? maybe someday ill be over this. a part of me yearns for that. and a part of me is afraid to ever let go, because what if love wins in the end and all the time we had together meant something after all?  did it not mean anything if it didnt end up taking the shape i wanted it to take? no, it still meant something, but does that matter now?  i dont know. all i know is that to this day it hurts and... that’s all. thats all i know.  eleven months later and it still hurts. but i guess expecting it to be all better after 5 years of dating is a little unrealistic. i thought we were gonna be together forever. forever is a long time, though, i guess.  she makes it look easy, but maybe it isnt for her either, even if she’s better at making it look a certain way. i have no way of knowing and thats maddening in its own way. if i had the ability to close that distance... hear her out, be there for her, could i do it? could i get over my own fear and hurt to build a connection again? id love to find out. but i cant seem to get that far.  it doesnt matter though. its her life, and she has every right to move on without me. its easy to say ‘poor me’, but theres two sides to every story. a lot of pain that led up to the end. questions i still have that will never go answered, and closure i might not ever obtain.  ctrl+a, delete, backspace. that’s all it’ll take, tyler. then maybe you can sleep.  but no, instead you’re going to post this. for what? why? is it a cry for help? complaining for the sake of complaining?  i dont know. i cant leave it all in my own head though.  but the silence that i get back in response is liable to be deafening all the same  

[theareya]

do the even numbers for the vg ask binch

BINCH

Video Game Asks!

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.answered!

4. Who do you play with now?Who? Like my friends? Mostly the same people I played with when I was a kid, but now they’ve grown up into ripe gaming fruits. And some new friends who I met through love of video games  *stares directly into camera*

6. Ever buy strategy guides?No. I’d rather spend money on the game itself. I see the pretty art books often and wonder though…

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?uH. What? Rarest? I don’t have any of those classic games that are worth a fortune now. Most expensive was probably the Dishonored 2 bundle that I bought because I wanted Corvo’s mask super bad

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?

I have not! I usually pre-order using the internet and try to distract myself until I can feel the game with my fingers

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?Wheeeen I was younger, yes. I stopped playing for a little while, even though I was not any good at the time anyway. I didn’t pick it back up again until the middle of high school when I stopped caring.

14. Favorite game music?I… really like the Journey and Undertale Soundtrack. However, Kingdom Hearts and Nier: a tomato have been my… main music go-tos .In fact, I’m listening to the Nier ost right now.

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?Answered!

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?No. Bitch. Worst-case scenario they “tolerate” it. Just kidding, NO that’s impossible. Worst case is they’re indifferent. And in that case, they’d have to be pretty darn spectacular. Like they own Disneyland spectacular. Trust me. 

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?BIOSHOCK. I can tell you where every audio diary is. And every ridiculous jump scare. I also could say the same about Nier, but that’s a little too recent, so the obsession is still fresh.

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?I have a Fallout t-shirt, Kingdom Hearts Sweater, some lovely Nier pins, and a 2B phone charm accessory. I love game merch, I just am a bit picky on which ones I wear.

24. First Pokemon game?It was actually Yellow. I never got Red and/or Blue.

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?I don’t like those, but literally Pokemon Go sets them up by making you pick teams and publicly fight the other teams down.

28. Ever play in a tournament?nOpe I’m not that good. I watch a lot of tournaments though.

30. How many consoles do you own?Uhh, since forever? I would say 8. However, the only active ones right now are my ps4 and Switch. Everything else is stored away in the closet or was given away.

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?Not. Really. No. I don’t really love those. One time I got Narnia as a gift and cried at how bad it was. And then there was Shrek Party?? Which was a depressing version of Mario party, but with Shrek characters. I liked it… actually. If it were done well, maybe?  

34. Do either of your parents play video games?My mother plays pokemon go and is level 40, which is higher than me. And it’s kind of made her more open to the idea of playing video games. But my mom knows the basics of certain video games enough to not get mad at me when I tell her I can’t pause. 

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?I have cried over a few video games. Not full on crying, but my eyes will water and that’s pretty wild. Sweat is all over my controllers. I clutch them so hard. I was also very emotionally compromised over The Last of Us, but it was mostly internal.

oHH! One time I was playing Battleborn and got a nosebleed, but I’m pretty sure that was on account of the weather and not the game. 

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?I have no shame at all whatsoever in any game that I like. I guess Fable, 2 and 3 were absolutely awful according to everyone, but I thought they were alright, mostly because it made me think of the first game.

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?I think they’re fun! But am sad that they probably won’t be able to reach their full potential in my house.

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?…Bioshock tbh. That was the first game I legitimately played after stopping gaming for an awfully long time. The one that started it all. Kingdom Hearts and Bioshock. Two completely different games. 

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?I never really played arcade games? Soul Calibur? DDR??

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?YES THOSE ARE LIKE MY FAVORITE TYPES OF GAMES!!??!? I can seduce Harvest Moon characters all the ding dang day. And I can fish for hours. Fishing mechanics are vital in every game. 

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?84 years. In all honestly, it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the options that are available. Dragon Age took so… so long. Basically any game with the objective of making your character look cooler is… dEATH

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?Answered!

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?Pokemon Y

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?I use my friend’s steam and he has like 2000 dollars worth of games, so I’d say he definitely does.

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?I never played that game, but I remember quality video compilations of that.

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?Answered!

60. Do you know the Konami Code?It’s like a bunch of directional buttons, but idk which ones.

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?I bought a gosh darn PS3 like 10 years ago because I thought KH3 was going to come out for that. Now here with are the PS4 pro and KH3 will be out in a year.

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?I have! Or I mean it was a family TV anyways, but I sneakily snuck in a question or two about gaming quality and the guy hooked me up.

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?No. I didn’t have a legit cellphone until after high school.

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?LOL no I’m so bad at those, I spend all my tickets immediately on the dumbest thing I can find like those finger traps.

70. Very first game you ever beat? I want to say Fable. As a kid I didn’t know what a memory card was and sort of assumed you had to start over every single time.

[traciedemars]

Winter Time, and Best Time to Buy a Home...

Upcoming Free (& non-promotional) Home Buyer Classes:

  ...we also have home seller classes available.  Link on left on website page

Saturday, November 16th, from 11am-2pm (ish) ​       Vancouver YMCA, conference room       11324 NE 51st Circle, Vancouver WA (corner of SR500 & Gher Road/112th Ave).

Saturday, December 7th, from 9am-12pm (ish)       Marshall Community Center, conference room       1009 E. McLoughlin Blvd, Vancouver WA (kitty corner from Clark College)

Monday, December 9th, from 5pm - 8pm (ish)        Marshall Community Center, Conference room       1009 E McLoughlin Blvd, Vancouver WA (kitty corner from Clark College) Saturday, December 14th, from 12pm-3pm (ish) ​       Vancouver YMCA, conference room       11324 NE 51st Circle, Vancouver WA (corner of SR500 & Gher Road/112th Ave).

If these class dates and/or times don't work for you, please let us know.  We understand that you have lives, and families, and work.  We will work something out that works better with your schedule.  Just let us know....                                                        Remember...with reservation...we will throw in lunch, or dinner!  :-D ~~~~~~~~~

Happy Veterans Day...

 I want to take a quick moment to thank our veterans... those who have served, and those who are serving.  I appreciate the sacrifices you have made, and are making.  I have many clients, friends, and family who've served, or are serving, and I've had many tell me that the hardest part is being so far from family & home.  Home..it's a powerful word....and for many folks one of the reasons why they do serve.  So...thank you...

 Now, today is November 12th...and like many I am enjoying the new Disney+!  Oh my, so many movies that I a remember as a child, and when my older kids were much younger... Blackbeard's Ghost, Pollyanna, Bedknobs & Broomsticks, and so much more.  It's a glorious thing!    Don't forget about the Client Appreciation Event coming up for 11/23 from 3pm-6pm (or thereabouts) for Frozen 2!  Chris Berg buy out the entire theater for these events a few times a year to say, Thank you, to our clients.  We appreciate you!  Now...Frozen 2 is sold out in the general area, but there are some seats available in the 21+ area, and we are going to start rsvp'ing for Star Wars IX in December!!  Thank you for your business and for your referrals...  

So, this week, let's talk about the current market for a quick moment.....I know that it's gray and dreary, and everyone has the holidays on their mind, but honestly, if you are even 'thinking' about buying a home....NOW is the best time.  Yes, there are not a whole lot of homes on the market, but the market is not as competitive as it is during the spring time.  Remember that from offer to keys it will take about 6-7 weeks.  The market tends to pick up and start getting crazy again right about late February/early March-April when folks start getting their tax refunds.    

Now...please remember that my magic wand is broken, and the magic 8 ball exploded all over my house with the coming holidays... so no one really knows what is going to happen.   Typically in an election year we don't see a whole lot of movement with interest rates, or any major changes that could disrupt the economy.  Seattle and the Portland Metro are still very solid markets, and we are still in a sellers market, but it isn't as strong or fierce as it was a few years ago.  We are still seeing multiple offers on homes in certain price ranges, but for many other homes we are seeing sellers paying some closing costs for the buyers.  What will happen for the coming year though?  This is a lot like foretelling the weather right now... as it really depends on when things happen.  Most industry sources do say that home prices should start plateauing though.  This doesn't mean that the home prices will not go up...they just shouldn't go up like last year.  They should steady out. As people see the change in the market coming, more homeowners should put the home on the market so they can begin their move to their new home, and this will help all the price ranges see more homes on the market. So, yes, there aren't as many homes on the market right now than there will be say around...spring break... the homes that are on the market though are solid sellers.  

 Yes, prices are still going up, but not as much as they were the past few years, so let's talk about how all that works.  I bought my old home in late 2001, with a 6.875% interest rate....don't feel bad, or shocked....in a 'healthy' market, a 'normal' interest rate would be about 7%.  We were THRILLED to be under 7%!   We sold that home in 2017, and it was harder than I thought it would be.  It was our first home, and we had lived there for 16 years.  It was the craziest thing, but did you know that when our buyers purchased our home for the $285,000 it was worth, with the 3.5% interest rate.... our mortgages were almost THE SAME!   Wait...I'm not (that) crazy...it's economics.  Yes, they bought it for more than I owed, but with a much lower interest rate.   That equaled my lower owed amount, but higher interest rate. How crazy is that???  Now, here's the crazy part... in 2016, my old house was only worth about $245,000, and right now, that same home is worth $330,000! NUTS!!!  My mother purchased a home in the 80's for $70,000, but her interest rate was 18.375%!!!   ....now that is crazy!!    The point of this is that while yes, prices are going up, the interest rates are still really low, so you can purchase more home.   When this changes, and interest rates rise it doesn't mean that home prices will immediately start dropping, they should start leveling off ...it will take a bit of time to balance out though.  

  I have clients asking me if they should just settle then on a home, and frankly this is a tough question.   No, you shouldn't 'just settle' on a home, but you may have to adjust either the type of home you want, the location, or be able to go up in purchase price to get what you want.  Please remember that this most likely is not your last home, but your home for the next 5-10 years....that's the average.  Know what your top 3 things are that you need in a home.  Whether you are buying a home, or selling a home...it is exciting, scary, fun, and frustrating.  It's a lot like a roller coaster, or driving down Mill Plain during rush hour,....or during that last month of pregnancy. I tell you....there's a reason I don't drink often.....I'm afraid once I start that I won't stop!  ;-D  (just kidding)  Buying and/or selling a home always going to be a a roller coaster when you're on the ride.  We're here though to help...that's what we do.

 When you are looking for a home,  you need to consider more than just the house.  You are also buying the neighborhood, the schools, the property taxes, the local parks, the neighbors, and the local infrastructure.  The home needs to 'fit' you like your favorite pair of pj's. For example....this last weekend I had a client look at a home that she liked.  On paper it was everything she said she wanted, and she couldn't find anything against the house that would cause her to not want to write an offer. So why was she hesitant?  Because this home was that sweater or shirt that looks good on the rack, and so you try it on.  It fits ok, and it looks all right, but there is just 'something' that is 'off' with it.....you can't figure it out either.  Sometimes you buy it, but never wear it, and sometimes you put it back.  Buying the 'right' home is a lot like that.  You can, and will, see homes you like, but they just don't 'fit'.  Put that home back.  Sometimes you see an item of clothing on the rack that you really don't know about....but you try it on anyway and BAM!  you look AMAZING!  Some homes don't look like much from the outside, but you get inside and they are amazing.  Remember that internet home photos are a lot like internet dating....you never know what you are going to see when you get there, and many agents hire professional photographers for a reason.  I can always tell which photos an agent did themselves, and who hired someone.   Finding the 'right' home is like sliding into your favorite jeans, or boots.....there is just something about it that 'fits'.  I see homes I 'like' all the time, but just because I like it doesn't mean it fits.  If you are obsessed with a home that you have seen though.   You really like the home, and you keep going back to the pictures, and driving by the house.....that's the 'right' home....even if it was one of the first homes you saw, or it was something you didn't think you wanted, or weren't sure about.  That home is that sweater/shirt/shoes that you just weren't sure about....until you tried it on.  Darling, you look AMAZING!   Trust your instincts....this is YOUR home, and YOUR mortgage.    With rents going up so much lately you can buy for about what your renting...or close to it.

  What is the best time to buy, or sell?  Whenever YOU are ready.  Sometimes waiting makes sense, and sometimes it really doesn't.  I am a firm believer that the right home will always be ready when you are, and that it will all fall into place.  Remember....your agent works for you.   YOUR agent isn't a salesperson.  We shouldn't be trying to 'sell' you on anything.  YOUR agent works for YOU....not the other way around.  When you hire an agent you are hiring a representative; someone who should be looking out for your best interests. Always ask questions. We do this all the time, and we love it, so use our knowledge to your advantage.  There really is NO stupid question in real estate. There is always learning opportunities, and that is goes for us as well.   If i can't answer your question; I will help you find someone who can.  We're in this together.  

Don't forget though... that the first step in ANY adventure is education. Take a home buyer class, or a home seller class....that's what they're there for.  

Information

is power,  and as always...May the odds be ever in your favor out there....

 If you are looking for a real estate agent, I would love to be able to help you.  

If you have any questions, or comments please get a hold of me anytime.  You can call, text, email, or even facebook me.  Please remember that while I mean these emails/blogs to be helpful, and educational, I am still hoping that you will call, or email me as I would be honored to help you with your home buying, or home selling adventure.

   As always....this is just a quick overview.... again...and I can't say this enough...please remember that your agent is NOT a salesperson, and should not be acting like one.  Real Estate is not really about houses, it is about relationships.  Your agent, and your lender work for YOU.  You drive the bus...we are merely GPS to help you get to your goals.  Like the classes, this weekly blog email is to help you with your home adventure.  The goal is to be informative and non-promotional.  :-)  We are, however, hoping you will call and want us to help with your adventure.   Thank you again for your business and your referrals!!  ...and thank you for referring these classes to your friends, family, and co-workers.   ....disclaimer...if you have already purchased a home, or would no longer like to receive these emails, please let me know and I will be happy to remove you from any further mailings...   Upcoming Topics:

Winter Home Maintenance & things to look for...

Last Week:  Delayed Possession...what is this madness?

Have a great day, and I will talk to you soon,  

;-D  

Tracie DeMars  

Real Estate broker

Re/Max - Van Mall  

360/ 903-3504 cell  

360/ 882-3600 fax  

www.traciedemars.com

traciedemars@aol.com

“Interested in free and non promotional home education classes?  Go to www.freehomebuyerclasses.com for local upcoming home buyer and home SELLER classes, or facebook: Tracie DeMars Real Estate for my home buyer education blog.”

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."    

  - Shel Silverstein, American poet, cartoonist and composer, (1930 - 1999).

[beingmad2017-blog]

Travel as a Single Person in the World

New Post has been published on https://beingmad.org/traveling-as-a-single-person-do-it/

Travel as a Single Person in the World

Take a dose of preparation, a dose of confidence, a dose of excitement and a dose of great attitude, and go on that trip you have been dying to experience BY YOURSELF! You can wait for that special someone, but that person may never come along for this special event or maybe your partner cannot get away or is not interested in this vacation. Time flies by quickly as we all know and by waiting, you are putting your life on hold. It could be much more romantic with another person, but who knows what can happen? You are great company alone, and you are opening a whole new world of possibilities. You may meet some wonderful new friends. Best of all, you will achieve the empowerment of doing something on your own.

This can be a big accomplishment! Also, you may want to experience something a partner would not enjoy. I say try it! You have so much to gain from the experience. I feel the memories and the confidence are unbeatable. Pick the trip alone wisely for you, and be prepared by knowing all you can about your adventure.

I was a travel wimp. Yes, a wimp. I could hardly drive my car across town. I was weak and dependent as a person in my twenties. Oh, what I missed, but I just didn’t have the confidence to seek the adventure of going it alone. After divorcing in my thirties, I committed myself to renting a cottage with friends on the outer banks of North Carolina. I planned on driving my two children out to meet the other family and stay for a week. I had a new mini van, and I thought it all sounded like fun until I realized I had to drive with an eight-year-old and a ten year old-just the three of us. I hated to drive. I was scared. I forced myself to go since I had already paid for my portion of the cottage and couldn’t let my friends and children down. I was committed, so the three of us headed out. Wouldn’t you know it? My new vehicle broke down twice!! My daughter became ill. The temperature was in the high nineties. Somehow we made it to the Outer Banks. I was frightened driving through Washington D.C. at high traffic time. I panicked at the thought of finding my way alone with two children in my charge. I was lost a few times, the trip was much longer than I had planned, but I made it happen. That mini-van pulled us through, and my children sensing none of my worries were troopers. I was determined, and we had a memory maker. All in all, the trip gave me confidence, and we had a great time. This was my growing up time, and now as the children are on their own, so am I.

I “hit the road” often, especially since I have recently retired. My son lives in Washington state, so I frequently go there alone. The main thing I realized in traveling alone is being prepared. Like a good boy scout, know where you are going and how you will get there. Line up a great travel agent, look in the local newspapers for local traveling groups or hit the internet which offers any place you want to visit.

Line up your singles cruise, ( I just found tons of single trips on Goggle) go biking in France, go fly fishing in Montana, rafting in West Virginia, to a spa in Arizona or to a motel at the other side of your state. Plan it well for yourself. Figure it all out. Do you need a passport? What do the brochures tell you? Have you researched all of the information? What do other people say about the place? Talking to friends, travel agents and online blogs will get you all of your details. Think about you in the place.

How much will everything cost? (It always costs more than we think with tips, taxis, fees and food) Look at maps, line up your hotels or camping sites. I always feel the best bet for a single person is a tour with people. You are guaranteed time with people, so you will have someone to dine with and places all set for you. In a tour, you do not wait in long lines and your day is planned for you. This is all a great start for being on your own. You will plan the trip, execute the trip, but have people in the wings right by you waiting to make new friends and do the same wonderful things you are. Single accommodations are more expensive, but you can enjoy a room alone at night. If you are not the “tour” person, be even more prepared for growth and fun.

I like to look my best when I travel, because then I feel my best. I really plan my packing for efficiency, weather, and needs of the trip. I start early and write down what I will take. I think hard about where I will be and what can be coordinated. I figure I can buy what I forget most of the time, but usually it is preferable to just have it. I tend to travel with too many clothes, so I work on paring down. I always have a really comfortable pair of walking shoes that are clean and attractive, clothes that mix and match and are wrinkle resistant and a collapsible umbrella, fold-up raincoat, and a sweater and jacket for layering. I pack small sample cosmetics and toiletries and never forget my camera and a small case with a neck strap which I use as a handbag too.

I always take books to read, a notebook in which to write down my experiences, water to drink and some snacks. I need my laptop, and you may need other items: music, handheld games, magazine, crossword puzzles, whatever. Take what you need: things to amuse yourself and make you happy. You may be stranded somewhere. Make the best of it by having materials to entertain you. Check in early if flying, leave early if driving. Know flight details, have your map researched and handy for problems. Have two credit cards. One may give you problems. Carry some cash, and I carry a debit card where I can access funds wherever I go. If you choose travelers’ checks, be aware that they are very safe, but at times it is inconvenient to cash them. Have change for tips or treats on the road or in the airport.

So you have planned your trip totally, you are packed, and it is time to leave. Here is the time for the great attitude. You may be tempted to forget the whole trip, but don’t. You may feel worried, scared, and uneasy. Feel the feelings, then plow through them. Look the part of a confident traveler, and you will be the confident traveler. The best advice I received when I planned my first long flight to Hawaii is “There are many things which can go wrong, and somehow you need to live with whatever happens. Be ready to experience some bumps in the road, and do not let these bumps spoil your trip.” This is such great advice, and I live by it. Flight delays, traffic jams, lost luggage, and rain do not get me down. My attitude is such that I can work through these things. They are minor in the scheme of things.

It is time to enjoy every minute of this trip. Remember, you may have some lonely times because we as humans like a little company and our society points to coupling as being the way to go. Fight it, enjoy yourself. ( Again, a tour is an easy starter for the single traveler.) Meal times may be hard for you, but face this head on. If you are on a trip where there is no one to eat with you, take a book or magazine to fill in the vacant times. Do not sit there watching couples and envying them. They may have their own issues. Read your book, watch the overhead TV, write in your journal. Make yourself comfortable. This may not be easy for you, but I guarantee growth for you.

Go ahead, reach out and be open with others if you are comfortable. Open yourself to new opportunities. Talk to some new people. Learn from them, listen to them. Share your experience.

I traveled abroad for the first time two years ago. My significant other was to go with me, but he felt two weeks away from his business was too much time. A few friends wanted to go, but none could work out the details, and frankly, not everyone was compatible with me for two weeks. I booked a great tour of Italy and France through a travel agent. She suggested I pay a little more due to higher quality of buses and hotels, and I felt it was worth it. I felt safe and secure. I also had to pay more for single accommodations. I was nervous but excited, and it was the best trip of my life! For the first few days, the people on the trip took pictures of me alone, and I felt a little sad heading to a room alone. By day three, I was making new friends with everyone. I was not limited to just my traveling partner. I “hung out” with everyone. When I wanted quiet time, I had that too. On a tour, there was always an option and always people to eat with and laugh with. I did the extra tours and really enjoyed myself. I always listened to the directions of the day, because there was no one in my room to back me up. I was always so tired, I never had time for loneliness or sadness in my room. I wanted the peace and quiet. I ended up with a busload of new friends from all over the world. What a fulfilling reward.

I hope you too have fulfilling rewards as you travel. Please take lots of pictures, write about your daily events, buy little souvenirs unique to where you visit. You will have this trip forever in your soul, and you will feel empowered in that you can go anywhere and do anything! lovely luggage, handbags, travel bags, garment bags and laptop cases. Look the part of the savvy traveler and have even more fun. ( I love carrying my green laptop shoulder bag with travel accessories inside. ) My bags have lots of organizational pockets and some even have detachable travel accessories. Great colors and design make the travel bags even more appealing. Enjoy your travels!