#remembered that i NEVER POST MY OCS ANYMORE so

[malarkgirlypop]

MEDIC! Part 41 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

It's been a year since I started this story. I posted last year on my birthday and I do the same again today. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me while I write this, all your love and support is greatly appreciated, I love you all so much. So here's a birthday present from me. Thank you all again!

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.

Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut, @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92, @lucyfromtheoldhouse, @blueberry-ovaries, @next-autopsy, @saintmalosunsets, @anaso12 anyone else please let me know.

I rubbed my eyes, blinking hard and then staring at the shimmer that mocked me. After everything that had happened, now it was back. 

It glimmered in the sunlight. The oil slick transparent film didn’t move as I approached it. It was just as I had remembered. I stopped a metre away, too scared I would be sucked in if I walked any closer. The whole time my heart never stilled, it thumped in my ears as I glared at the film. 

“Really you’re back after all this time?” I chastised the insentient object. 

“Fuck you!” I screamed, I was far enough away from the base that no one would hear me. I picked up handfuls of stones and hurled them at the shimmer. 

“Why did you do this to me? I didn’t ask for this!” My voice cracked as I yelled. 

“I never asked for any of this! You brought me here, why are you back?” Tears slipped down my cheeks. 

I didn’t know what I expected, that someone would magically pop out from inside the portal and explain to me why on earth it was me that was taken. That they would say it’s fine if you want to stay, this is just an offer, or, if you do not come back through the shimmer life as you know it would cease to exist. 

But no, no one was here to answer my question. It was only the shimmer that sat perfectly still as I screamed at it, as I launched stones and debris its way. It didn’t cry out and ask me to stop, only mocked me with its silence.   

“I hate you!” I screamed before I turned on my heel and sprinted away from the provoking portal. 

—------------------------------

I sat on the floor packing and unpacking my bag for hours. Each time I packed the bag an overwhelming panic took hold of my chest and only eased when I took everything out of my medic bag. 

“What are you doing?” I heard from behind me. I swivelled around in panic. 

Don stood in the entrance, his brows knitted together in concern. 

“How long have you been standing there?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat. 

“Long enough to know you’re leaving. Why?” He started forward to where I sat criss-cross on the floor.

“Where are you going?” Don demanded when I didn’t answer. 

“It’s back.” I uttered, not knowing what else to say. 

“What’s back?” He stood looking down at me. 

“The shimmer.” My voice was so quiet as I told him the truth. I watched his face fall and then his eyes flicked over my belongings that were scattered in front of me. 

“You’re leaving.” It was a realisation that fell from his lips. “You can’t!” 

“Don please don’t make this harder than it already is.” I begged, feeling tears spring to my eyes. It was hard enough to make this decision myself but for Don to beg me to stay was going to make it impossible. 

“Why are you leaving?” Don genuinely asked. 

“Because I have to!” 

“Said who? The shimmer police?” His tone was serious. 

“No. But why would it show up again if I was supposed to stay?” I was out of answers for him, I was just as confused as him about this. My heart was torn, I wanted to stay but I didn’t know the cost of that decision. 

“What if I don’t leave and then everyone dies ‘cause I fucked it all up?” I let him into the thoughts that had been racing through my mind even before the shimmer had shown up again. 

“If I stay and the world falls apart because of me and people die. I could never forgive myself.” I didn’t need to be the cause of anymore death, and if that meant giving up the one thing that made me happy then it was a sacrifice I would have to make. 

“You know what I would do?” He asked joining me on the floor and taking my hands in his. “I would say fuck everyone else and choose you.” 

“That’s easy for you to say you're not the one with this decision. I can’t say fuck everyone, that’s not me!” Don nodded he knew it wasn’t in my nature to put myself first. 

“Why are you making this decision based on other people?” Don’s thumb rubbed absentmindedly over the back of my hand. 

“Are you running because of what happened?” His eyes flicked up to meet mine. 

I shook my head, my mouth twisting at the thought of what had happened only last night. The scars were still fresh, literally. 

“No, I am doing what’s right, and that means I can’t stay, even though I want to!” I was already at my wits end without the appearance of the shimmer. Tears fell down my cheeks. 

“Be selfish, for once in your life Em! Choose you!” Don pleaded, his hands tightly wrapped around mine as if I would disappear in a blink of an eye. 

“I can’t!” I yelled, rising to my feet and pacing back and forward across the small room. 

But Don continued, standing up as well to grab me as I passed by him. His hands firmly gripped on my shoulders. Don shook me as he spoke, as if trying to shake his words into me. 

“Because other people would choose themselves, in your position they would choose to stay, not because of the greater good, but because they wanted to.” He was right, a lot of people would choose the outcome that would better accommodate them. But when have I ever put myself first? 

“You deserve to be happy.” I wanted to be happy, after everything I had been through in life all I wished for was to be happy.

“I can’t be the cause of other people’s deaths.” I couldn’t have that weight on my shoulders, I couldn’t live my life knowing other people suffered for me. It just didn’t seem fair. 

“Fuck everyone else Em. If you staying meant the world was going to end tomorrow, you know what I would choose, you I would choose you, because I love you.” 

“That’s not fair Don!” 

“I would die for you. I would choose my demise to spend one more day with you.” I choked back my sobs. 

“So I would die for you, but you wouldn't die for me?” Don questioned. I understood why he was wandering. From his point of view I seemed to care about everyone else more than him. 

“No, I am. If I go, I’m dying. I don’t think I could ever be happy again. But if that meant that you got to have a long and prosperous life, then I would die a million times over for you. And going home and living my life will be that.” 

“Then live for me!” Don bargained. “What are you going back to there anyway, you have a family here!” 

“Doesn’t mean I belong.” 

“Emily, ever since you have arrived all you have done is belong. You fit right in, you were meant to be here. The shimmer brought you here for a reason, fate itself!” Don was right I may have been brought back to this time for a reason, but then it could've been random all the same.    

“But what if it was only for a moment, only for a short while. What if I stay and everything falls apart because of me?” The lingering doom haunted me.  

“There are so many what ifs, but what ifs don't answer your question. Where would you rather be?” Don gazed down at me with his intense brown eyes. 

“Don’t make me answer Don, this is already so hard.” I hiccuped, I shook my head as I pushed away from him, turning my back on the man I loved.  

“Which would you pick if there were no consequences?” His voice strained as emotions flooded through his soft tone.  

“Here.” I whispered, still not facing him.  

“So stay, there are no consequences, you can’t think of the what ifs that will only haunt you. If you go back and regret your decision, don’t you think that will tear you apart?” Don rounded me so he stood in front of me again, his hand finding the underside of my chin and tilting it up to look into his eyes. They shimmered with unshed tears. 

“Yeah but what if I stay and the world ends and everyone I love dies! That would be even worse.” I emphasised my point over and over again, but still he fought against me.  

“It wouldn’t matter if we were together!”

It would be an agree to disagree.  

“I hate to break it to you Em, but everyone you love will die eventually. You can either be here for it or not.” 

“The difference is I don’t want to be the cause.” I stood my ground. I would not be the reason for the world turning to fire and ash. 

“I can’t face that. It will fucking kill me.” I would become a shell of myself if that was to happen. There would be no one for him to love anyway.  

“So I can’t talk you out of it? After all this time you are going to choose everyone else over me?” Don’s hurt radiated down his body, his hand fell away from my face as he took a step back. 

“Please Don don’t say it like that.” I begged stepping forward into his space but he kept his distance.  

“It’s fine you have made your decision, I clearly can’t stop you. Even though I hate you right now, just know that I love you and I hope that haunts you till the day you die!” Don’s bitter tone was harsh as he stomped out of the room.  

“Don!” I called after him as I chased him down. “I can’t leave with you hating me. If you love me you will let me go. You will respect my choice.” 

He only looked down at me, anger and pain etched into his features. 

“I will let you process this, while I say my goodbyes.” I kissed him gently on the cheek before turning to head back inside to pack my bag for the final time. 

—---------------------------------------

I took a shaky breath before entering the mess hall. The men noticed my arrival waving me over to the table. I kept my own emotions at bay as they all smiled at me. This would be the last time I saw their faces. 

“Hey boys!” I cooed to the men. They all stood from their seats as I rounded the table. 

“Em, are you alright?” Lieb asked me as I sat beside him. I resisted the urge to reach up and brush my fingers through his hair. 

“I’m ok.” I uttered softly. 

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. I leant into him, my hands coming around his bicep as I lent my head against his shoulder. 

“Em?” Lieb asked, craning his head to look down at me. “Why do you look like you have bad news?” 

“Because I do.” A sombre tone fell over the table. I straightened myself from my position and stood. 

“They have ordered me back home. Due to the events of last night, they don’t feel I am fit to continue my service.” I broke my lie to the men. Their faces fell as a groan of protest rippled through the group of my fellow Easy men. 

“It’s ok Em, we’ll see you when we get back home.” Babe chirped as he grinned at me. 

I could feel my heart ripping in my chest. He wouldn’t see me again. None of them would. 

“Yeah!” My voice cracked as sadness seeped into my tone. I quickly righted the mistake. “We will all have a big party when you guys get home.” Lieb reached up, taking my hand in his, giving me a reassuring squeeze. 

“But I’m going to miss all of you-” I had to pause to take a shaky breath before continuing. I laughed as the men looked up at me with concern on their faces. 

“I’m ok, just sad that I won’t be able to see you guys for a while.” My other hand was taken by Bull. The man who had saved me right at the beginning of this mess. 

“I want to come and give each one of you a hug goodbye. And then I’ll be off!” Complaints and offeres to were raised by the Easy men.  

“Don said he wanted to have me all to himself before I left, so you all have to do as he wishes!” Malarkey hadn’t agreed to anything yet, but I couldn’t have the men sending me off through the portal. 

The men thankfully agreed to my terms. 

I went around the table taking each man into my arms. Tightly squeezing them one last time. 

Lipton pulled me into his embrace as he whispered into my ear. “Be safe, Em.” I pulled back and his hands cupped my cheeks, brushing away the tears that slipped down them. 

Perco grinned widely at me as I stood blubbering in front of him. “Hey, don’t cry! I’ll make you eggs anytime, and we won’t even have to get it from the source.” His arms wrapped around me rocking me side to side in a boisterous manner. 

Martin hugged me like the dad I never had, pressing a soft kiss to my hair. 

Luz opened his arms, tears glimmering in his own eyes. “Don’t cry George or you’ll make me cry more!” 

“Who’s gonna laugh at my jokes?” His voice broke as he tried to be funny. I didn’t answer his question, only holding him closer. 

Webster and Tab both gave me kisses to the cheeks, wishing me safely on my journey. 

“Thank you for fixing me up Gene.” A bittersweet smile formed on his lips as he pulled me close. 

“Thank you for being the best medic Em. I didn’t tell you enough but I think you make a wonderful nurse.” I buried my face into his shoulder as his hand stroked down my back. 

Babe and I didn’t utter a word to each other, he only crushed me to his chest. We both quietly cried into each other's shoulders.

I pulled back, using my palm to wipe his face clean. “You’ll see me again Em.” He promised as I nodded tearfully.  

Bull enveloped me into his arms like I was a small child who had curled into his lap. He pressed kisses to the top of my head. I listened to his thick twang as he spoke, “I’ll miss you little lady. Don’t be a stranger.” 

Finally it was Lieb left. Only once in my life had I seen the man cry, but here he was looking up at me with tears in his eyes. 

“Can’t believe you’re going.” He said as he rocked us back and forward. “What am I gonna do without you?” 

“You’ll be fine Lieb.” I pulled back so I could memorise his face. He shook his head and took me into his embrace once again. 

I waved goodbye to them all as I left the mess facility. I still had to find the rest of the officers. 

I found Nix and Winters first. “Em are you doing alright?” Dick took in my appearance, my blotchy cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

“I came to take up your offer. I would like to leave.” The men looked shocked, glancing from me to each other. 

“When would you like to leave?” Nix asked. 

“As soon as possible.” 

The men again looked even more flabbergasted. 

“We have one at 1300hrs, a jeep can take you to the port and then you ship back home.” Dick reported, checking his watch. It was 1130am, I had a couple hours before my departure. 

“Is that soon enough for you?” Dick’s eyes flicked up from his wrist. 

I nodded. “Thank you both for all that you have done for me. Richard, thank you for taking me in, and trusting me. Lew, thank you for caring for me and keeping me safe.” 

“You guys don’t know how much you mean to me. I never really had a male figure in my life. The love and support you have shown me in this small amount of time we have known each other, will fill up the rest of my lifetime and even after my death.” The men looked even more confused than before. 

“Emily you’re only going home, we will see you again I’m sure.” Dick surged forward to bring me into his arms. His hand smoothed down my curls soothingly.  

“I hope so.” I whispered into his jacket, latching my hands around his waist. 

Pulling back I found Nix now at our side, I went from one man to the other. I flung my arms around Lew's neck as he nuzzled into me.

“Gonna miss ya kid.” Nix said softly into my hair. I could hear the thickness of emotion in his voice, as if he somehow knew that this was inevitably the end. 

I finally stepped back from the embrace, sniffing and wiping away my tears that seemed endless. 

“I don’t mean to be forward, but I love you both, so very dearly.” Both the men chuckled. 

“We love you too Em.” Dick’s charming smile appeared on his lips. 

“I’ve already said goodbye to all of the men, but there is just one more person I need to see.” 

Dick nodded pointing back over his shoulder, “Should be somewhere in the office.” 

I gave a thank you before scurrying off to find the said man. 

My fist knocked on the wooden frame of the door that stood open. Speirs sat at his desk with his head down filing through papers. 

“Come in.” Ron called without glancing to see who it was. 

“Sir.” I started, but the sound of my voice caused the man to look up. 

“Em!” He smiled at me. “What’s the occasion?” 

Ron set aside the task he was working on to give me his full attention. 

“I came to say goodbye. I’m leaving in a few hours, I’m gonna go home. I think it’s my time.” 

Speirs sighed but smiled still. “I can’t say I’m surprised. You need the rest, after-” He paused, having to look away as he continued to speak. “After everything you’ve been through.”

“We’ll miss you. But I’m glad you won’t be coming to the Pacific, it’s not something you should be exposed to.” 

I hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I think I just need to go home and relax. And don’t worry about giving me your treasures, I’ve got it all sorted out.” His brow pinched. 

“It’s a gift.” Ron assured me. 

“And I thank you for the kindness, but it isn’t necessary anymore.” I held my ground, there would be no one for him to send it to. I would rather he keep it. 

“Oh, so you’re going, going.” Ron corrected. 

“I’m sorry?” I asked, confused by his comment. 

“You think I didn’t notice?” Speirs peered up at me, confusion lined my face. 

“What?” My heart drummed in my ears. 

“I’m a smart man, Emily. I have done my research on you. I have done my research on everyone. But you stood out. No records, nothing. I have been watching you, I notice things.” The more he spoke the more confused I became. 

“You aren’t from here. I don’t know why or how, but I know you weren’t born during this time. And you’ve made the decision to go home.” Speirs stood from his chair and rounded the desk to stand in front of me. 

“You’ve come to say goodbye for good. Haven’t you?” He bent down slightly so that he was looking me in the eyes. 

I was speechless, all I could do was nod. 

“How? How did you even come to that conclusion?” 

“It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. But for some reason I assumed you would stay.” Speirs’ arms drew me in. 

“What does Don think?” He asked as I laid my head on his chest. 

“He hates me for it.” I admitted sourly. 

“I’m sure he’ll come round.” Speirs reassured me as he cradled my face to his heart. 

“I wanted you to walk me down the aisle.” My thoughts surged from my mouth before I could hold them back. I had thought about it when I was planning to stay. If I was to be wed to Don, Ron was the one I wanted to give me away. 

“Good. No one else would be allowed but me.” Speirs chuckled.  

My laughs turned into sobs as I clutched him closer. “Am I making a huge mistake?” 

“You are doing what you think is best Em, and I trust you.” He pulled me back to look down at me. “Follow your heart.” 

“Thank you for everything-” 

“You don’t need to give me a big speech Em. I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you. Let’s just have this moment.” 

I think I spent two hours with Ron. Most of it I spent sobbing, but to have those last few hours together before I left filled me with so much joy it hurt. 

I tried to find Don, but he was nowhere to be seen and it was getting closer to when I would have to be out of sight. 

Sobbing, I walked back to where I had found the shimmer. I walked faster before my selfishness got the best of me and I turned and walked the other way.     

“Stop!” Don called from behind me. 

“Don!” I pleaded, if he was here to stop me he was wasting his breath. 

“I thought about it. And you’re right. If you love something, let it go. I hope you do the same Em. I want you to live a happy life, and even though I hate the idea, find someone who will make you happy. I will think about you everyday, you will forever be in my heart."

"I wanted to do a lot of things with you Em. I wanted to marry you and take you home to meet my family who would love you so much, by the way. I wanted you to be the mother of my kids, and the grandmother to their kids and hell even a great grandmother! I wanted to get old with you and live a quiet life, just me and you, sitting on the porch drinking ice tea."

"And we would argue and bicker, but only because we loved each other so much. You will forever be the love of my life, even if I can’t have you. You will be in my dreams every night, until the day I die. And when I die, I hope to find you again in every lifetime, if only just to know you. And even when you’re gone I will look for you in every woman I pass on the street and in the stores."

"You will have my heart now and forever. I love you so much, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” His speech was broken by his cries, but it was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. 

“I love you Don. I wish I could choose to stay. I wish all those things could come true. You have captured my heart and I fear I will never love the same again. I will never love someone as deeply and as fiercely as I love you. I will never forget your laugh, the way you smile at me, the way you kiss me."

"You have seared yourself into my soul and I will carry you with me through every lifetime. I believe you are my one true love, and I will never find someone who makes me as happy as you do. Don’t think of this as goodbye, but see you again. I will find you, even if it’s only in my dreams. Thank you for coming.” I sobbed as he kissed my cheeks, then my lips. 

The most tender goodbye kiss. One that left me breathless for more but broken hearted at the same time. We stayed wrapped in each other's arms, head pressed together as our breaths mingled. 

I kissed him for the last time. “I love you.” I whispered softly. 

I turned and walked towards the shimmer. I stood in front of the portal as it shone in the sunlight. I didn’t look back, I couldn’t, it would stop me. 

Taking one last breath I stepped forward into the shimmer, before everything went black.

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[flamboyant-king]

That sure sounds like something bad is going to happen to these teens just doing their homework.

[the-insanity-of-mojiru]

What do you mean this audio is 6 years old, I just heard it yesterday--

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Had a dream about a magic school AU. Like... Literally my school but with magic and with Roxy as a protag because Blorbo. She was the only one in the school without magic so every magic lesson, she'd literally just take a nap on the desk. What else is she gonna do?

But also I dreamed how she was compensating for not having magic. She was mixing chemicals into explosives to win fights and like... Yeah it's kinda hard to argue against the dog with Potion of Kaboom™️

However, because it was a dream, my brain combined the Glams with the cast of Ni No Kuni 2 and got very confused when I woke up because the Kuni 2 cast actually fit a magic environment but FNaF guys do not lmao

There was also a bit where Roxy not having magic means naturally, she doesn't rely on it to solve problems. So while everyone was given the task of making a candle go out without blowing on it, she just. Stared in absolute bafflement as everyone around her immediately dove to figuring out spells that extinguish flames. Instead of just. Water. From the tap. Right next to them.

She decided to freak them out a bit for fun and when the teacher asks for volunteers to come forward to show what they've come up with, she immediately puts her paw up and gets called on. She wets her paw under the tap before anyone has their attention on her, walks up to the candle at the front desk, turns so everyone can see, says all professional "Today, I've learned..." pauses and then... just pinches the flame out. Literally just pinches the wick between the paw pads on her fingers and it goes out immediately. "That you guys are idiots." And walks back to her seat in silence with a smirk.

Naturally, a bunch of kids are yelling that she can't just do that what the fuck?! But she did just do that. It took her half a second to do what's taken all of them a good forty minutes to figure out at least. Teacher asks how she knew that would work and she just "you can't have a flame without oxygen. Obviously." and you get a chorus of "WHAT" and "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!" She's so damn smug about it lmao these people make showing off too easy sometimes.

Like sure, she physically can't pass a mandatory magic exam unless she's able to figure out ways around it, but she can at least fuck around in lessons lmao. She tried skipping them but they started getting on her family with all the typical mandatory attendance shit so she has to go now :/ she just sleeps in them or fucks with people for fun since everyone likes to flaunt their magic on her every day anyway. Eat shit assholes she knows how to put fire out with minimal effort!

I think there was also a bit about her trying to convince teachers that a non-magic sports club would be a good idea?? And failing miserably because they just don't see the value in a magic school with non-magic sports. Thinking now, she could probably make her own club after school but probably wouldn't get that much traction with it... Resenting her family and teachers and every power that be forever because she could be a top student and could be doing amazing in school if she was just in a non-magic focused one. But she's stuck here and it sucks.

I don't know where I'd go with the story but eh it's neat I like it! Definitely different to my normal stuff!

[appentice-ebony]

Lore Drop!

Idk if this is something anyone ever noticed, but whenever Ebony needs light they always use floating glowy orbs!

From the very beginning, glowing orbs have been one of Ebony’s primary powers, though they vary in color, number, and function.

In Arcana canon, the apprentice does tend to use a lot of glowing orbs, but that’s not the only reason for Ebony!

One of the key features of Ebony is that they don’t tend to be very emotional; they’re calm in just about every situation, and very rarely exaggerate any facial expressions. A soft smile is for sure the default. So, what sort of things could possibly rattle them?

These are the only instances of Ebony being associated with fire: in small doses around loved ones, for a comedic moment in a rare instance of strong emotion, and when they were a ghost.

Yeah, turns out being stuck on death island due to plague and the only way out being cremation, and eventually being cremated yourself, can leave some lasting trauma that extends even beyond amnesia :)

(artwork by the always stunning @void-slip​!!)

(art by the super talented @persep-hia​!)

Now, another key trademark of Ebony is headwear! There are very few overall images out there of Ebony without anything on their head.

(very happy art gift from the endlessly wonderful @ancientartifacts1010​!!)

(another example from the ever-lovely @armallo-and-roul​!)

Now, there are certainly Variations on the headwear, but there’s almost always Something. It’s just not Ebony without it!

The two main variations are a full-on flower crown, and of course their primary mistletoe/leaf crown.

Now for the part I don’t have artwork for XD

Essentially, there are only 2 things that are guaranteed triggers for Ebony: Fire, and being stuck in large crowds. Though they aren’t generally phased by anything, those two things will absolutely ruin them.

The headwear acts for Ebony in a very similar way myrrh acts for Muriel; the smell of it acts as a positive trigger.

The flower and mistletoe crowns are the easiest way for them to access a calm and grounding scent, though they still try to keep those positive triggers on all their headwear. For example, the forehead jewel in @ancientartifacts1010​‘s lovely art secretly being a tiny vial of perfume, and the pearls in @armallo-and-roul​‘s example being both dipped in the scent and hollowed out so each pearl holds a small amount of perfume.

Unfortunantly I am no scent connoisseur XD I associate Ebony with the smell of pine needles and sea spray, and I’d assume they smell like myrrh although i got no clue what that’s like. But whatever smell they actually use to ground themself I may never know.

Thus ends the lore dump! Super big thank you to everyone who gave me Ebony artworks, they mean more to me than I can say!

[vngelicc]

⊹₊ ⋆ “that dick make my soul smile,”

TAGS — creampie, fingering, slight degradation, dirty talk (LOTS), jk’s a sleazy mess at first, oc is done, mamas is stressed out, rough sex, jk rocks her shit 💀, some praise here n there, jk’s affectionate tonight, sex tapes r mentioned again, shower sex(?) not rlly, possessive!jk, breeding kink, never ending saga of jk saying “mama” or “ma”

WORD COUNT — 2.6 k

“Trash, trash, trash,” you mumble to yourself while you sort out the mail in your hands, “oh definitely trash.” You sigh and shake your head. You’re knocked out of your thoughts when you feel a pair of arms wrap around your middle and pull you back, “What the hell–” You hiss in surprise.

“Hey mama.” Jungkook’s stupid voice comes from behind, you already know he’s sporting a stupid grin on his fucking face. You shove his arms off and turn around to look at him with an annoyed glare, “Oh c’mon don’t be like that, aren’t you happy to see me? You weren’t mad at me like this yesterday when you had my head between your–” You quickly reach up to cover his mouth and look around the empty hall.

“Are you insane? There’s people around, Jesus, you don’t have any shame do you?” You side eye him, “First off,” you shake your head, “what are you doing here? I didn’t text you and Jiho didn’t ask, so why are you here?” You give him a look, “And if you’re looking for Jiho you’d know he’s on a camping trip with his cousins.”

Jungkook raises his hands in surrender, “Can’t a man come see his baby mama anymore? Shit you suck the fun out of trying to surprise you baby,” he shakes his head but you know, Jeon Jungkook isn’t fooling anyone and certainly not you.

“You forgot, didn't you.” You scoff, “Of course you did, what else did I expect? This camping trip is all Jiho talked about last week and yet you still manage to forget that because you’re thinking with your other head.” You roll your eyes and turn to unlock the front door, “Sometimes I wonder what Jiho even fucking sees in you, you’re a deadbeat Jungkook, a deadbeat.”

Jungkook chuckles, “To be fair my other head is the reason you get a good night’s sleep.” He says with a smirk on his lips as he stands there admiring the way your ass looks in that tight pencil skirt you’re wearing. You turn around to shoot him a glare but say nothing else and simply step into your apartment. Jungkook leans against the doorframe with both arms raised, “So, you gonna let me in sweetheart?” He licks his lips, poking his tongue out to push at his lip ring.

You look into his eyes and then down at his lips, “Well?” You shrug your coat and slip your heels off, “You gonna stand there all night or what?” He chuckles quietly and slips into your apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“This is new.” Jungkook comments, “Don’t remember you ever smoking.” He inspects the ashtray with a noncommittal hum.

“It’s not just for me.” You say uncharacteristically calm, “I bought it for you, figured you needed one since you love leaving a mess on my patio.” You don’t miss the way he smiles fondly at you, “Don’t get too excited dipshit, I smoke too, don't forget that.” You scoff and disappear down the hall.

Jungkook whistles under his breath and follows after you, “I didn’t say anything ma,” he kicks your bedroom door closed and settles himself over your bed, “what’s up with you? You’re not being your usual angry self.” He watches you go around your room putting things away and picking out your clothes.

“I’m tired Jungkook, I had two meetings back to back and all I wanna do is come home to shower and sleep. Can’t do that because you decided to come bother me at this fuckin’ hour.” You mumble and then throw a pair of panties at him full speed, “Don’t think I didn’t see the shit you posted either, you’re not funny.”

Jungkook throws his head back with a laugh, “Really? Cause I thought it was hilarious, I think it perfectly describes us.” He cheekily grins at you with that dumb lovestruck look of his.

You stop to give him an exasperated look, “Jungkook,” sigh, “telling people you’re always fucking your baby mama regardless is not funny, neither is saying ‘I fuck her when she mad at me.’ You’re a child.” You shake your head. You throw more clothes onto the bed and grab your robe and towel, “Don’t make a mess in my house Jungkook, I’m not in the mood tonight.”

Jungkook watches you with a pleased smile, “I won’t.” He reaches for your tv remote, “I’ll be rightttt here, sitting like a good boy for you ma.” He winks, “You just go ‘head and shower.” You eyed him suspiciously for a few seconds, he kept smiling goofily so you ended up walking away with no words.

You know he was up to something with the way he kept smiling so stupid. You grumble under your breath and hope he just doesn’t cause you to have a fucking aneurysm or something. You swear this man was going to send you to an early grave at this point.

Everything sounded pretty quiet out there, you heard Jungkook get up at some point but you figured he was going to smoke or get something. He even left the TV on, which you were grateful for because you didn’t do too well with silence. “What are you doing..” You mutter with closed eyes, just enjoying the hot water running down your exhausted body.

You were in the middle of reaching for your loofah when you heard the glass door open and Jungkook step in after you. “Pass me that bottle over there.” You softly hum.

Jungkook whistles softly and tugs you back into him, “Relax baby, let me do all the work.” He says in your ear, “I got you..” He gently pries the loofah out of your hands, “Worked so hard this entire week, baby deserves to rest.” He squirts some of your body wash onto the loofah. You don’t correct him because that’s true, hell you deserved this princess treatment for putting up with his ass too.

He gently ran his hand over your body, lathering your body up in the soap suds leaving you smelling like strawberries. He doesn’t try any funny business surprisingly, when he finishes he puts his hands on your shoulders and begins massaging gently. A quiet moan escapes your lips as relief rushes through you, “Damn you’re stiff as shit here.” Jungkook comments.

You lean your head back on his chest with a closed eye smile, “You’re finally being useful for once.” You chuckle.

“What are you talking about? I fuck you plenty baby, far as I know this dick makes you fall asleep faster than the fucking melatonin you take.” He laughs, making you laugh a little too. Jungkook lets your shoulders go and wraps his arms around your waist, tugging you backwards so your back is to his front. “Got you something special.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

“Did you now?” you huff in amusement and gently stroke his arm, “What did you get hm?”

“Nothing much, figured you needed a night in so I ordered some fried chicken and soju.” He lays gentle kisses over your shoulder and buries his face in your neck, “I set up a movie to watch too.”

You turn your head to face him, looking into his eyes before smiling softly and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, “Thank you. Guess you’re not a dipshit afterall.” He laughs at your words and you ignore him, opting to press your lips against his once more. Jungkook welcomes you, his fingers dance across your tummy and inch downwards causing your breath to hitch in excitement.

Jungkook’s lips wetly smack against yours, muffled grunt leaving him as he holds you tighter against him. The kiss initially started off slow and more controlled, now it’s wet and messy with sloppy noises filling the space between you two. You pant into his mouth and your eyes flutter open to look at him pleadingly.

Jungkook grins softly as he pushes you towards the glass, “There you go baby, let loose for me, I’ll make you feel so fucking good.” He has you pressed right up against the glass, tits smushed and hands on either side of you. You bite your lip and push your ass back against his thick cock, it’s hot and throbbing against your cheek making you all the more eager to get it inside of you.

“Look at you, pussy’s drooling all over my cock,” he bites his lip and swipes his cockhead through your dewy slick folds, “hear that? ‘s your pussy callin’ out to me baby.” He pushes in slightly, letting the tip pop in with a lewd squelch.

Your lips part in a breathy moan and you push back for more but he stops you with a gentle hand on your hip. “Not here baby, relax for me.” He says as he lets his cock slip out, “Gonna fuck your pussy with my fingers first, get you nice and stretched out before I fuck you with my cock.” He cups your pussy in his hand and lets his fingers slip through the mess dripping from your folds.

Jungkook takes his time opening you up, slipping his middle and then his ring finger into you until they’re knuckle deep. Your mouth falls open but nothing comes out, this is exactly what you needed after those long hours in the office this entire week. Jungkook does not disappoint when he begins pumping them in and out slowly, making sure he hits every nook and cranny inside of you.

“There we go,” Jungkook whispers and begins kissing down your neck, “doing so good for me mama,” he sucks a hickey into your skin, “let go for me.” He nibbles on your earlobe and uses his other hand to wrap around your throat, not choking–simply holding it.

Your eyes flutter shut and you lean your head back on his shoulder, “Oh fuck yes,” you sigh in bliss, “right there.” You circle your hips, gasping when his fingers brush against your g-spot.

Jungkook pulls you back in and kisses up your neck slowly, “You’re so fuckin’ pretty baby, look at you, dripping all over my fingers like a little cock hungry slut. Bet you missed this dick baby, need me to come fuck it in your needy little pussy, have you all spread on the bed for me begging for more,” he whispers as he kisses the side of your face, “you gonna be a good girl and take it?” He jabs his fingers into your g-spot causing a burst of pleasure to hit you.

“Yeah,” you pant softly, “want it deep inside,” you bite your lip and spread your thighs a bit wider, “need it so bad.” You whimper quietly and push back on his fingers.

Jungkook chuckles breathily, “Yeah..” He moves his fingers faster, jostling you as your back arches, “Make it messy for me sweetheart, go ‘head and cum,” he has you locked in place, keeping you from moving anywhere. His fingers piston in and out of you rapidly, loud squelching noises resonating as bits of slick drip down your inner thighs.

“Oh fuck..!” You gasp and clench down, “C-Coming..” You hump his fingers desperately, “K-Keep going, right there, right there,” you whimper out and feel your orgasm come crashing down on you, hitting harder as all the stress lifts itself from your body.

Jungkook slows down until you’re whining in overstimulation, “Clean ‘em.” He slips his wet messy fingers into your mouth, “Fuck.” He groans, “C’mere baby.” He turns you around and lifts you up in his arms, “Need you on my cock.”

“Wait, the water!” You reach behind blindly to turn the knob, groaning when he begins sucking on your soft tits.

.

“Fuck..!” You throw your head back on the pillow with gritted teeth. He’s fucking you so fast and hard you’re honestly no sure what to focus on anymore..him? The skin slapping? The bed creaking? He’s not making it so easy either with the way he’s groaning and panting right by your ear.

Jungkook has you folded under him, his hands grip the back of your thighs and hold them up while he plows your swollen dripping pussy with his fat cock. The room feels stuffy, sheets are strewn about messily and you’re both laid bare in the open without a single care. Jungkook isn’t faring much better, his moans are choked up and every so often you feel him throb inside you.

“You like that baby?” He pants breathlessly against your lips, “Got you clenching so tight around my cock, practically drooling all over me.” He rolls his hips against yours smoothly, pelvis pressing down and rubbing along your clit stimulating it. His balls press against your taint with soft palping noises every time he grinds into you.

You shakily claw at his shoulders and moan needily, the angle certainly has your legs feeling like jelly and your poor cunt throbbing from the pounding he’s giving you. “Love it,” you turn your face to slot your lips against his messily, “fills me up so good baby.” You cup his face in your hands and hold him in place while he works his cock in and out of you.

Jungkook lets out a muffled moan as he starts picking up the pace, hips smacking into yours over and over again with deafening slaps. He lets your thighs go in favor of planting them on either side of you on the bed, “Hear that sloppy little pussy? Got it creaming all over my cock and makin’ a mess. Who’s fuckin’ you baby? C’mon tell me.”

“You are.” You whimper out, “Shit–right there,” you mewl.

“That’s right sweetheart, no one else can give it to you the way I can. You can fucking try but at the end of the day this pussy is mine to fuck,” slap, “mine to use,” slap, “mine to breed.” He growls in your ear lowly, “Gonna ruin you for anyone else, so next the time you plan on letting someone else have it you’ll be remembering the way I fucked you so good.” He hisses softly and sits up, landing a set of punishing thrusts on you, making your body bounce a bit off the mattress.

Your head rolls back and you let out a series of staccato moans, crying out for more and scrambling to grip the bed sheets, the pillows, the blankets–anything. He’s fucking you within an inch of your life and you feel like you’re about to pass out from the sweet pleasure mixed with a tiny hint of pain from the way his hips smack into your ass. “Jungkook..!” You sob out.

Jungkook grits his teeth and reaches down to pinch your clit cruelly, relishing in the way your back arches off the bed. “Go on, cum for me little mama.”

With perfectly aimed thrusts and the combination of his fingers on your sensitive bud, you cum for a second time on his cock. He leaves you trembling on the bed, whimpering and whining. Jungkook follows up shortly with a low moan and your name escaping his lips, “Fucking hell.” He whispers breathlessly.

You let your jelly-like legs fall on the bed, “I’m not getting up.” You mutter, “Put the chicken away, ‘m going to sleep..” You turn on your side and curl up, shivering when his cock slips out of your battered pussy.

Jungkook hums, “The things I do for you baby,” he sighs softly as he strokes your thigh up and down, “lucky I love and appreciate you mama so much.” He rolls out of bed and slips his loose sweats on.

“You love me.” You sleepily mumble, “ ‘n you love my pussy.. I love your dick too.” You smile in your sleep, a bit delirious from the fucking and the strong orgasm he had given you.

Jungkook eyes you with a grin, “Damn right I do.”

TAGLIST: @fragmentof-indifference @jungkooksseuphoria @kooliv @angelarin @jjeonjjk7 @lilliankoo @pb-n-juju @ellesalazar @saweetspoiled @laylasbunbunny @prettyprincejk @cherrysainttt @hyunjinswifeee @joongraduatewithonor @hellbornsworld @leire-mia @m1sss1mp @lissful @winkii @lifeless-firefly @exactlygreatcoffee @taestoess @ayalies @floweryjeons @softtcurse @lilspinachwrld @tearyjjeon @littleobsessedkitty @lovelovelovebts @angeljmnie @rerefundslocals @bangtans-mama @thvhoe @maddkitt @tvse @ohjeon @teteswtnr @jkslovey12 @kelsyx33 @milfpo1ice @sluttydidi @ztyur @beomgyuult @shescharlie @sweet-sourhotcoco @lalita-7 @hazzzelsdimension @p34rluv @kook-net @bonita0-0 @vmapy @dahliadaenerys @frieschan

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

[smoooothoperator]

What Was I Made For?

15: There She Goes

childhood enemies, forced proximity, accidental pregnancy, enemies to lovers (👀)

Warnings: Charles POV, 👀🤭, +18 (will be marked), social media. Violet Sinclair cameo

a/n: HELLO LOVELY PEOPLE!!!!! I hope everyone is having an amazing summer!! Let's see how many of you remembers my other OC hehe

IMPORTANT: If someone wants to give me ideas of names you are very welcome! And ideas for a gender reveal too, I want to make it special and include your ideas!

if you want to play a game and ask things about Dafne

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If you want to be tagged don't forget to message me!

Every way of feedback is very welcomed

f1_gossip

liked by dafneismymom, pierregasly, dafnenation and 21.478 others

f1_gossip BREAKING NEWS! This morning, an Italian gossip magazine posted pictures of a pair no one imagined could be together. And that pair is Dafne Morelli and Charles Leclerc! They were seen first in Charles' car, both of them so lovey dovey sharing a few kisses and later they were seen walking out of a medical center. 

We never guessed they could be together. What do you guys think?

view all comments

dafneismymom Omfg! There's no way they are dating! They lied to us????

dafnenation I don't think they lied… I bet Ferrari did something, you know how that team is… dafneismymom oooohh yeah, right

ferrari95 But where is she? She disappeared after the last race. She didn't even update her fandom of how she was doing??

f1_gossip the magazine said they were found somewhere in the middle of Tuscany. And that someone anonymous leaked their info

heistupid Paparazzi are so annoying! If they wanted to keep it a secret, it was for something! Why the hell didn't they expose them??

dafnenation Let's hole Dafne is alright, I'm sure she will explain soon.

The day began with a sense of calm. Waking up next to her without fear of her reaction was a relief, a feeling I hadn't experienced.. Then, I saw my kid for the first time and heard the heartbeat. The sound of the heartbeat filled the room with a resonance as profound and moving as a symphony in a grand auditorium. My baby is healthy and beautiful.

But then, those cameras. Those paparazzi.

The smile full of joy and happiness Dafne had the moment we walked out of the medical center, holding the envelope with the gender of our baby and pictures of it, was erased the moment she saw a flash and heard people calling our names. 

The joy that lit up her face vanished, replaced by a look of sheer terror. Seeing that transformation ignited a fire of anger in my veins.

I guided her quickly to the car, making sure they didn't take more pictures of us, and drive away from the village as fast as I could, not caring about speed limits 

“Are you okay?” I asked gently, barely above a whisper, looking through the rear-view mirror, making sure none of those paparazzi followed us with their cars. “Dafne”

“H-How” I heard her mumble, holding my hand tightly.

“I don't know, Daf. I really don't know” I sighed, shaking my head.

When I saw the fences of her property nearby I looked back again, sighing with relief when I didn't find a car behind us. I got out  and opened the gate, going back into the car and driving in.

“Go inside” I told her, squeezing her hand softly, and she only nodded and walked out.

I took a deep breath, pacing around and immediately feeling my phone buzzing.

Seeing Fred's name flash on my screen made me clench my jaw. I took a deep breath, steeling myself before answering.

“Fred-”

“You know where she is and yet you didn't even think about telling me?!” he screamed into the mic, making me frown and pull the phone away from my ear. 

“I can explain, Fred…”

“And you are dating her? Or what?” he groaned. “There are pictures of you two together, of you two kissing in the car. You know you can't date, there's a contract!”

“She can't drive anymore, Fred!” I exclaimed, closing my eyes immediately. “She…”

“She what, Charles” he groaned. “I know nothing about her. She didn't even call me to say she wasn't coming to the company dinner. Didn't even give me an update of her health”

“It's complicated, Fred, more than you know.” I exhaled sharply. “We'll come to Maranello tomorrow and explain everything. Just...trust me.”

“You? What do you have to do in this?” he scoffed. “This is about Dafne”

“And about me” I groaned. “We will go there tomorrow. And after the meeting you can do whatever you want with her seat. But first, listen to her”

“What are you now, her manager?” he laughed. “If I remember well, you two hated each other”

“Well, not anymore” I sighed.

“Whatever. You better have a good explanation” he said.

I ended the call and groaned, looking at how my phone was going crazy with notifications.

Not now. I can't deal with this now. I need to see her.

I walked inside of the house through the front door, finding Dafne sitting on the couch. She was looking at the pictures the doctor gave us, tracing the lines of it with her finger. I saw how she clenched her jaw a few times, how her knee was bouncing up and down, how she played with the ring on her middle finger. 

All the signs of her being anxious. Of an oncoming anxiety attack.

“Hey” I sighed, sitting next to her and placing my hand on her bouncing knee, squeezing it softly and rubbing circles on her skin. “Talk to me, come on”

“How could they find us” she murmured, her eyes still fixed on the image. “Who sent them? Who told them?”

“I don't know, Daf” I said, again. “If I knew, I would make every single person who sent them regret disturbing us”

“Why can't they leave me alone?” she mumbled. “Everyone is asking where I am. Everyone wants to know what I'm doing with my life, shaky I'm not giving signals…”

“Fred called” I said. “He…”

“Let me guess, he saw the pictures and now he's mad”

“Y-yeah” I sighed, looking down. “He saw us together. He thinks we are dating. I told him we are going tomorrow to the factory to explain everything”

I felt how her body shook with a shiver and how she took a deep breath. She can't stress right now, which is not good for the baby. If only I could take all her pain.

“And what do we tell him now?” she sighed. “Its all my fault, Charles”

“Hey, no” I frowned, placing my hand on her cheek and making her look at me. “It's not, Dafne. None of this is your fault”

“I should have told him that I couldn't race a month ago” she whispered. “The moment the doctor told me that I had to stop racing, I should have called him and told him to find another driver. Now it's too late. It's too late and I'm facing the consequences”

“You are not alone in this” I sighed, leaning closer and pressing my forehead against hers. “We are going tomorrow to the factory. We will tell him that we are going to be parents. Let him think whatever he wants, but I won't let him touch you, not even scream to you”

“Charles...” she murmured, her voice wavering with unspoken emotions."

“We will write a statement” I said, slowly. “We will tell everything. Let's be clear about our story. It's their problem if they believe us or not”

“You want to tell them everything?” she asked, with surprise in her voice.

“Everything” I nodded.

She took a deep breath and nodded slowly, leaning closer to me and wrapping her arms around mez resting her head on my shoulder. I felt her taking deep breaths, and her body started to relax after some seconds.

“We will be okay” I nodded.

She nodded and sighed, her breath hitting my neck softly while she moved closer to me.

“This is our last day in the bubble, hm?” I heard her groan, making me laugh softly.

“It is” I nodded. “But I promise you, Dafne. This is just a little obstacle. We will fix it and then we can go back to our bubble”

I felt her fingers on my nape, burying themselves on my hair, making me close my eyes and lean on her, holding her closer. I took a deep breath, breathing her scent so deeply it nearly made me taste the vanilla of her perfume. 

“What do you think everyone is saying about us?” she whispered.

“Let's not think about it” I sighed. “Give me just some minutes to calm down”

“Mhm, okay” she nodded against my chest.

I closed my eyes, resting my chin on top of her head. We were tangled into each other, hugging and holding the other like our life depended on it.

“Our baby has a beautiful heartbeat” I whispered.

“It has…” she smiled. “The most beautiful heartbeat I ever heard”

“Yeah” I nodded. “I would make a song with it. I would… God, I would write a song only for you and our kid”

“Would you?” she whispered, and somehow I heard a soft giggle.

“I will” I promised. “I will compose so many songs for you and our baby…”

“You have a beautiful heartbeat, too” she whispered, pressing her head closer to my chest.

“It beats for you” I confessed. “It always did and always will do. Only for you, there's no one else, Dafne”

She pulled away and looked up at me, with her hand pressed on my chest. Her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that once looked at me with hate and anger, now look at me with a completely different feeling. And somehow, that made me melt.

“My heart is yours, it always has been yours, Dafne Morelli” I whispered.

“Charles…” she whispered, meaning closer to me, brushing her lips with mine.

I didn't let her say anything, pressing my lips on hers and holding her face with my hands. 

Kissing her felt intoxicating, a necessary escape. I craved the warmth of her presence, the comfort of her touch.

I felt her moving, standing up just a few seconds before she sat on my lap with her legs on each of my sides. I looked up at her, smiling while I placed my hands on her hips.

“Hi” I smiled, breathless. 

“Hi” she whispered back, placing her hands on my shoulders. 

I smile and place my hands on her belly, rubbing it softly. We are in our bubble, not wanting to know what is happening outside, ignoring our phones and focusing on what we feel right now.

“You are the most beautiful woman I ever saw in my life” I whispered, pressing delicate kisses on her lips, then her nose, then her cheek, then her jaw. “I swear, Dafne. No one compares to you”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” she breathed, her voice low and urgent, as she gently bit my bottom lip.

I chuckled, holding her close to me and slipping my hands under her jumper, pulling her closer, feeling her bump pressed against me. I pressed my lips against hers again, biting her lip softly to make her open her mouth, slipping my tongue and exploring her mouth.

I heard her moan softly and it made me go crazy. 

“Fuck” I groan, pulling away and looking at her, feeling my heart close to burst.

“W-what?” she mumbled, looking at me surprised.

“I just…” I swallowed thickly. “God, I don't want to do this in the couch”

“Oh… Oh!” she laughed, hugging me.

“Yeah” I sighed.

“Then take me to bed, Leclerc” she whispered in my ear, biting my lobe softly. “Make me yours, hm?”

“Oh fuck” I moan, holding her. 

She got up from my lap, looking down at me with a smile filled with list and desire. I followed her with my eyes, watching how she walked upstairs looking at me over her shoulder. I felt a pull, like a string tied on my heart that pulled me to her, following her close. Dafne walked to her room, leaning on the door frame and looking at me with a smile, waiting for me. I stood in front of her, placing my hand on her neck and kissing her.

I felt her hands on my hips, moving to the button of my jeans and unbuttoning it slowly, making me chuckle.

“Eager, are we?” I chuckled softly against her lips, placing my hands on her hips and walking inside her room, smiling when she started to push down my jeans.

“You have no idea” she mumbled, biting my lip. “You have way too many clothes”

“You too” I groan.

Slowly, clothes started to fall to the floor until both of us were naked in front of the other. I scanned her body with my eyes, stopping in every curve, every beauty mark. 

“You are so fucking beautiful” I whisper, taking a step closer to her. “So God damn beautiful”

She smiled, closing her eyes when I pressed my lips on her neck, wrapping my arms around her body and walking towards the bed and laying her on it.

Her skin tasted so sweet, her smell was intoxicating me, making me need more, more, more. I kissed all the way between her legs, pressing soft kisses on the valley of her chest, on her breasts, on her stomach, on her belly. 

I took a deep breath, rubbing her folds with my finger and paying attention to her reactions, diving into her core and lapping all her juices.

“Fuck, Charles…” she gasped, arching her back.

I smiled, pushing another finger until she came around them, making sure to give her all the pleasure she deserves.

“Please, I need you inside” she moaned. “Please, Charles…”

“You don't need to beg, my love” I whisper. 

She looked at me with shock in her eyes, hearing the way I called her, but her gaze softened and sat on the bed in front of me. I helped her move, holding her thighs and moaning softly when I felt her core rubbing my length, looking into her eyes.

“I think… I think I'm falling in love with you” she whispered, accommodating herself on top of me. 

“Yeah?” I smiled. 

“Mhm” she nodded, moaning softly as I entered her slowly. 

I held her, helping her move and kissing her lips slowly. Her soft moans are music for my ears, making me need more, push deeper and kiss every inch kf her body.

I felt her hard nipples pressed against my chest, and I looked at her fore a few seconds.

There was something magical about Dafne's transformation during her pregnancy. Her skin had a warm, radiant glow, and her eyes sparkled with a new emotion. Her body transformed in gentle ways. Her breasts become fuller, a visible sign of the life growing inside her. Her belly rounded gracefully, a perfect curve that I couldn't help but reach out and touch. 

I leaned on her, looking into her eyes as I kissed her left breast, cupping the other one with my hand. Something inside me was asking me to bite, to suck, to mark. And with my eyes I asked her if I could listen to my needs.

And the moment she nodded, opening her mouth to leave a moan as I rocked my lips to hit a deeper part inside of her, I let my tongue lick the skin of her breast, rubbing the nipple with it and closing my lips around it.

I heard her gasp the moment she came around me, squeezing me in a way that helped me reach the climax too, closing my eyes as I liked away from her breast and kissed her lips.

“I love you” I moaned, repeating those three words again and again until we both came down from our high. “I love you, I love you”

She looked at me, panting softly, and smiled before kissing my lips deeply.

“I'm yours” she whispered. “Yours, only yours. My heart is yours, too”

And with those words, I felt at home. She's my person. She's my home.

 I had to hold her hand to make sure she didn't bite her nails. I had to put her favorite music on the car to keep her calm. 

And I made love to her before leaving home, hoping it would ease her nerves.

“What if he gets furious?” she whispered, her voice trembling with anxiety, repeating the question for the third time since we left home.

“Then he can go to hell” I sighed. 

“He's still your boss!” she gasped. “You can't just…”

“Dafne” I sighed, squeezing her knee softly. “It's okay. We can do this”

Oh, boy. This was going to be the hardest meeting of my life with Fred. I have to explain how everything fell apart and how I fell in love with her.

“But he’ll be so disappointed, Charles,” she sighed, her voice heavy with regret. “He trusted me, and I should have been more professional, called him earlier and told him the truth

“Hey, stop blaming yourself” I said, holding her hand tighter. “You wanted privacy, you were in shock with the news. You had every right to take a break”

“But not like this. I wasn't acting as a professional at all” she groaned. 

I sighed and shook my head, taking a deep breath when I saw Maranello nearby. If the rumors were right, Fred showed Lewis Hamilton a contract to take Dafne's seat. Let's hope he's not around, because it would be bad for Dafne.

“Let's go” I sighed, parking the car and getting out of it with her.

I didn't hesitate in holding her hand, having a tight grip and walking inside of the factory, knowing that everyone would be looking at us. Luckily, Dafne was wearing a baggy jumper, making her bump not be too obvious for those who ignore her pregnancy.

“Charles, Dafne” 

We both flinched when we heard him behind us, clearing his throat and walking closer to us. She wanted to let go of my hand, but I gave her a subtle squeeze to let her know that I won't stop taking her hand even if our boss, my boss, was in front of us.

“Good to see you, Dafne” he said, with clear irony in his voice. “I think we have a lot of things to talk about, aren't we?”

“Y-yeah” she nodded, tensing.

I squeezed her hand again, looking at her. She smiled weakly and sighed, looking at Fred. He started walking towards his office and we followed him close behind him. I could feel how nervous she was, how she clenched her jaw and licked her lip as a nervous tic. 

“Sit, please” Fred said, gesturing to the chairs that were placed in front of his office.

The small room seemed to close in around me as I glanced at the photos on the walls, each one a painful reminder of what she’s about to lose.It was like he did it on purpose, putting a picture of the day she won her first race, the same one she had in her private room in the hospitality. And next to that picture, the one where I won with Ferrari for the first time.

What a dirty move.

“Well, you are free to start talking” he said, motioning us. 

“I…” she started talking, biting her lip. “I'm sorry. I did everything wrong. And please, don't blame Charles, it wasn't his fault…”

“Dafne” I frowned. 

“The day I had the crash and was sent to the hospital, I received the news that I am pregnant” she mumbled, looking down at her lap, not daring to see Fred.

“With my baby” I said, looking at Fred, somehow challenging. He knows I would do anything for my family.

“How far are you” he wanted to know, and she flinched, closing her eyes.

“Seventeen weeks” she mumbled. “Nearly five months”

“Five months…” he sighed, staying quiet for a few seconds that felt like hours. “And you two have been together since then?”

“Yes” I said quickly, watching Dafne look at me, frowning. “Not exactly that time, but… after the lawsuit thing passed, we talked about our things…”

He looked at us, scanning us with his eyes. Clearly, not believing what I said.

“You know you have to renounce your seat” Fred sighed. “Right?”

“Yeah” she nodded, and I could hear her voice breaking. “I… We came here because we wanted to make things clear”

“We planned to announce her retirement and issue a statement, hoping to control the narrative before rumors could spiral out of control.” I sighed, holding Dafne's hand and looking at her. “Today the paparazzi invaded our privacy. We didn't tell anyone where we were staying, only her family knew where we were. Someone leaked the info and gave it to them”

“Yeah, I saw the pictures” he sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “Look… This is a big mess. But I guess you are still in time to announce your retirement. I don't know if you saw the rumors but Lewis is going to take your seat”

I felt her body tense. From her hand to her feet. When she heard it, she swallowed thickly and took a deep trembling breath. 

“Right” she nodded. “So he can bring back the glory of Ferrari? He is going to retire soon, Fred. I don't think that's a good idea”

“If you two didn't share a bed none of this would be happening” he frowned. 

“What we do in our private life is none of your business” she snapped. “It was an accident, yes. But I don't regret it. And never in a million years I would have thought of getting rid of my baby just to stay here”

“I wasn't saying that, Dafne” Fred frowned.

“But I bet you were thinking it” she groaned. “That's why they say this is a sport for men, hm? Less hormones and problems. We are too weak for this”

I felt her anger coming out of the deepest part of her soul, and I had to stop her before she regrets anything. Because I know she would regret it.

“Dafne…” I sighed, squeezing her hand and shaking my head softly. 

“You are free from this team, then” Fred said. “We will announce your retirement after you give that statement you want to post”

She got up slowly, looking at Fred and clenching her jaw. I got up with a jump, looking at her with worry in my eyes.

“You were like a father figure for me in this team, Fred” she mumbled. “But the moment you showed me your back after the Monza incident, I felt betrayed”

I stepped towards her, gently taking her hand in mine, our fingers intertwining as a silent promise that we'd face whatever came next together.

“I hope next season goes like you want it to go” she mumbled. “With a champion on your team. And I'm not talking about Lewis. Soon you'll regret making that move”

I looked at her, feeling so many things. I was proud of her, because she stood up against Fred alone, like she always did whenever something bad happened, even if she hates confronting problems. But at the same time I felt so sad, because I knew she was facing how her dream slipped through her fingers, giving up on it because of a mistake we made, no matter if we now accept it and love it.

“And I hope this new step in your life goes smoothly” he sighed, smiling weakly. “Congratulations, if I can say it”

“Thank you” she nodded, placing her hand on her belly.

I saw Fred smiling weakly, looking at her belly. I wonder if he regrets things he said or did. I wonder if he, somehow, feels bad for not reaching for her during all this time assuming she was only running away. I wonder if he's happy for us.

“I always thought you two would make a beautiful couple” he sighed. “It was too sad watching you fight, you two were clearly so oblivious. But really I'm glad you two are together”

We nodded, looking at him for one last time before walking out of the office.

I felt her tension, her anger, her stress. I tried to calm her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders, but she stayed quiet until we got in the car.

“What the hell was that?” she groaned. “Lewis? Really? Oh my God, he really made a greedy move!”

I took a deep breath and sighed. I knew about that. If course I did. I caught him making a phone call with him, talking about replacing Dafne.

“I gave everything to this team, and that's how they thank me?” she scoffed. “They didn't reach for me! He could have called me, I had my phone!”

“He never did?” I frowned. 

“No” she groaned.

“Fuck…” I sighed. “He told me he did. That he tried to call you and you never answered”

“Well, that was a cheap lie, then” she laughed bitterly. 

“You… Do you want to say everything?” I sighed, holding her hand. “You want to tell them about Ferrari?”

She took a deep breath and bit her lip, looking out of the car at the red factory, her eyes fixed on the horse of the logo.

Her dream, the red team was always her dream. I remember how she always dressed in red when we were kids. How everything she had when she was little was red: her notebooks, her backpack, her water bottle. She always painted her nails with red nail polish, and always wore red lipstick. 

“Everyone will hate me, right?” she mumbled. “The team, they would feel so betrayed if I do that…”

I took a deep breath and nodded. I know she won't do something that would give her problems.

“I don't want them to hate me” she whispered. “I don't want them to hate me, to talk bad about me when I go to support you on the races…”

“Y-you would come to my races?” I said, surprised. 

“Of course, Charles” she smiled sweetly, holding my hand. 

I smile weakly and bring her hand to my lips, pressing a soft kiss on her knuckles while looking into her eyes.

"I'll make you proud," I whispered, my voice thick with determination. "For you and our baby. I promise, I'll make every moment count."

“I know” she smiled. “You are my champion, you'll fight for me, I know it”

I smile softly and place my hand on her neck, leaning closer to her and kissing her lips softly, just how lovers do.

dafnemorelli

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, oscarpiastri and 1.579.575 others

dafnemorelli Once upon a time, two kids met in Greece. They didn't know it yet, but they were meant to be together, no matter how many times they started a war. They enjoyed each other's company and fell in love, slowly. How innocent.

Years went by and those kids turned into adults. Adults make mistakes and focus on what matters for themselves, sometimes forget the inner child that only wants to have fun and love their loved ones with pure innocence. 

Charles and I were each other's first love. None of you know our true story, but we are here to share it.

We met in Greece when we were kids, and I found something that at that age I thought was love. He understood me and I understood him. But because kids are stubborn, something happened and we broke our friendship, turning it into a childish rivalry.

Now, as adults, we made so many mistakes, started so many fights. And we are tired of it. We got tired of it. So we took the bandage out of our eyes and found again those kids that loved to be together. 

Charles and I want to apologize for everything we did. All the fights that caused problems for the team and for the Tifosi. We want to apologize because we are learning to love each other again.

I want to announce that Charles and I are going to be parents. Our baby and I are healthy, I found out I was pregnant the same day I had the crash in Abu Dhabi. 

And with this pregnancy comes sad news, too.

I want to announce my retirement from Formula 1. I want to focus on this new journey, starting a family with my childhood lover.

I'll see you soon, I promise.

comments on this post have been limited

charles_leclerc Can't wait to start this new journey with you❤️ 

maxverstappen1 really happy for you two

pierregasly I'll be the favorite uncle

oscarpiastri Why are you so sure?  pierregasly Because I'm cool landonorris Everyone knows that the cool uncles will be me and Violet violetsinclair Baby Morelli-Leclerc will be loved, for sure

charles_leclerc 

liked by dafnemorelli, pierregasly, carlossainz55 and 1.572.371 others

charles_leclerc Dear six year old me:

We have her back. We fought so many times with her, but we never gave up. We might make a lot of mistakes, but like people always say: love always wins.

We are now going to have a kid together, just how you dreamed when you first saw her. I still remember those thoughts you had when you saw her with her little sister. 

Dear Dafne, I really can't wait to see our baby. I really can't wait to show how grateful I am. I can't wait to be next to you in this new journey.

comments on this post have been limited

maxverstappen1 Max is a good name, isn't it? And if it's a girl it can me Maxine (internet says it means greatest)

alex_albon  Alex is a good name too, you can use it with a girl and a boy  violetsinclair stop being ridiculous, there are better names landonorris Thank you babe, I know Lando is a good name violetsinclair what? No? I was talking about fictional names… -dafnemorelli violetsinclair Manon or Dorian sounds good? violetsinclair oh pls yes.

carlossainz55 Can't wait to meet baby Morelli-Leclerc

taglist

@racinggirl @elisysd @alltoomaples @ssprayberrythings @rach3164 @yvonne-dump @deliciousfestsalad @janeh22 @hc-dutch @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @ssararuffoni @itsjustkhaos @scaramou @tapedeck-hearts @apollosfavkiddo @sltwins @glitterquadricorn @ladystardust05 @theseerbetweenus @vizzzashley @auawdo @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @leptitlu @green-thots @caterinemirandax_ @mid5nights @harrysdimple05

[cinnamongorll]

a fragile line - chapter 30

read on ao3! (139k words) | previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC

Series tags: extreme slow burn, age gap, older man/younger woman, protective joel, jealous joel, hurt/comfort, pov third person, mutual pining, angst, sexual tension, friends to lovers, canon-typical violence, feral joel, parental abuse, eventual smut.

Series synopsis: three years ago, Juliet escaped her father's religious survivor camp, ending up in the Boston QZ. Juliet created a life for herself in Boston, desperate to forget the trauma of her upbringing. One day, Juliet arrives home to find a mysterious letter which forces her to return to her home town. Juliet can't travel the harsh post-apocalyptic landscape alone, so she enlists the help of the grumpy and, at times, frightening man she works alongside: Joel Miller.

Word count: 3.6k

Chapter 30:

Juliet's POV:

“Joel.”

His name caught in her throat like a burning hot coal. 

He stared down at her, his chest moving quickly as he struggled to catch his breath. A layer of sweat shone on his head, illuminated by the singular light hanging in the corner of the stables.

His eyes scanned her face. They were open wide, allowing Juliet to see the confusion and desperate fear burning around his pupils. 

“I have to leave,” she croaked out and forced her head to turn away from him as she bent to grab her bag. 

Juliet hadn’t moved an inch before Joel’s hand gripped her forearm, demanding her attention. Her head swung back to him. 

“Explain, now,” he commanded breathlessly, visibly holding his rage back.

Juliet swallowed and shook her head. Her eyes didn’t leave his face. 

All Juliet could hear in her mind was the memory of her father’s bitter cold words, smashing her entire life into sharp, foreign shapes. 

She didn’t know who she was anymore.  

How could she explain that to him? 

Her brain was screaming at her to push past Joel, to get on her horse, to find where she came from, to find out who she truly was.

But Joel’s grip on her was strong, stronger even than the hand holding her in place. 

Juliet wet her lips, then she lay her shattered heart at Joel’s feet:

“He wasn’t my father,” she whispered. 

Joel’s hand tightened as the line between his eyebrows deepened. 

“What?” 

“I remembered,” Juliet murmured, then cleared her throat and shifted her gaze to lock on Joel’s forehead so she didn’t have to watch his reaction. 

“I remembered what he told me that night… before you found me.”

Joel flinched and Juliet felt his fingers flex against her forearm as his jaw tightened. 

“He wasn’t my real father. Elijah -” Juliet’s breath caught as the foreign name left her lips. She had never referred to him by his first name; it tasted like ash in her mouth. 

“Elijah killed my parents, Joel, my real parents,” she whispered, not daring to say the words too loud, lest they become too real in her mind. “He told me right before he died.” 

Joel stayed silent. The tightening of his hand on her arm was the only assurance that he had heard her. 

“I have to go back -”

“No.” 

Juliet gasped as Joel’s other hand gripped her other arm, now locking her fully in his grip. 

“Joel, stop,” Juliet argued as she struggled against him. 

Joel shook his head as his eyes darkened even further in the low lighting. 

“Not a chance,” he ground out as his hands moved from Juliet’s arms to her waist and, with a deep groan, he lifted her up over his shoulder.

He started moving almost immediately, striding out of the stables as Juliet’s fists began to pound against his back.

“Let me go!” Juliet grunted. She was panicking now as her anxiety grew into a fierce flame in her chest. 

She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t pretend that she didn’t know.

Juliet wanted closure, she craved it. She couldn’t close that chapter of her life now that her memory had wedged the door open. Juliet couldn’t push out the horror that seeped through the crack and pretend that she was healing, she had to confront it, she had to face it. 

She had to go back. 

Saying that to Joel, when he had fought and killed to save her from that place… Juliet almost choked on her guilt. 

But the knowledge that she wasn’t her father’s daughter, that maybe she wasn’t destined to end up like him, and that there might have been people who actually loved her… that desperate need to find out more was stronger than her guilt. 

Juliet’s world was upside down as she swung over Joel’s back.

Through blurry eyes she watched the grass he walked on descend into stones then into the concrete lining Jackson’s mainstreet as her fists slowed and her cries quietened. 

Joel wasn’t letting go. 

But neither was Juliet. 

When his weakened stride finally stopped, Juliet recognised the dark wood of his front door and she squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered her knuckles striking off of it all those months ago. 

“I’m gonna put you down and we’re gonna go inside and talk,” Joel instructed, and Juliet could feel the rumble of his voice against her chest. 

A small gust of wind blew against her face, drying the tears which had gathered under her eyes. Juliet waited for her feet to hit the ground. 

“You hear me?” he said louder, startling Juliet. 

She should feel angry that Joel stopped her and that, once again, he had taken away her choice. But Juliet’s rage was a tall candle in a frosted window; its flame burned quietly, but it couldn’t go anywhere. 

She was tired and she was restless. Her anger was second to the wild, desperate need within her to run, to listen to the voice that called her home.

It was difficult to remember that only hours ago she was at the dance, watching her friends twirl under the Christmas lights. It was still the same night, the sky hadn’t begun to lighten and yet everything had changed. She had changed. 

If only she had gone to bed, and not walked down those basement stairs. Juliet would have still be hopeful. Hopeful that she might become a whole person again, hopeful that her and Joel might be able to mend the cracks between them. 

In her basement, Juliet came face to face with the rotten mess of her soul once again. But this time, she could see a way to cut it out, to rid herself of it forever. She couldn’t give up that chance. 

“Yes,” Juliet agreed, her voice was numb and lifeless.

Slowly, Joel’s hands brought her back down until her boots hit the wooden porch. 

She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t. Juliet knew that she would either see that same numbness reflected back into Joel’s eyes or worse, an echo of the hurt she felt. 

Joel reached around her and turned the handle on the door, pushing it open into the dark house. Juliet sucked in a breath when he drew near but forced herself to turn and step through the doorway.

She stood in the hall as Joel turned on the lights, moving slowly as he switched on the lamps in the living room. 

When he was done, the air turned expectant, like the house had awaited her return. 

Juliet looked up, searching for Joel and found him standing by the coffee table. He stood tall, his typical iron stance was in full effect. Juliet would have thought it was a usual night in Jackson for him, if it weren’t for his trembling hands curling into fists against his jeans.

The sight made something inside Juliet seize up. She wanted to rush to him and close her fingers around his. To get on her knees in front of him and beg for his forgiveness, beg for his permission to leave him, to leave this sanctuary.

Juliet knew that she didn’t need his permission. 

But god did she crave his forgiveness. 

Her footsteps were quiet and careful as she moved into the living room and sunk into the leather couch. Joel followed her movements like a hunter with a rifle. 

Then he took his shot:

“I shouldn’t have hit him,” Joel said, rubbing his fingers over his jaw. 

Juliet’s eyebrows scrunched as her heart rate slowed. Joel’s hand dropped suddenly and he shifted his stance, then met her eyes again. 

“If that’s what this is about… if i’ve scared you, if you wanna stay away from me, I get it,” Joel practically stuttered, his voice low as his hand tapped in a nervous gesture against his thigh. 

“No,” Juliet breathed, shaking her head. 

Joel continued as though he hadn’t heard her denial, maybe he hadn’t. 

“But you don’t gotta leave Jackson,” he ground out, as though the words pained him. 

“It’s not you, Joel,” she said quickly, “I have to go back. I have to know -” 

Joel’s cold laugh cut her off. 

His mouth was curled in that way she remembered from their time on the road, when Joel’s armour was thick and immovable. 

“No, see, I just don’t believe it,” he said with a shrug as he raised his hand in front of him, emphasising his point. 

Juliet straightened her spine. 

“I just don’t believe that you would be stupid enough, after everything we went through to get here, everything you went through… that you’d just go back out there,” he paused, running a hand over his face, “on some fuckin’ fool’s errand.”

Juliet flinched. 

She dropped her gaze to her hands and allowed her eyes to follow the trails of scars which littered her pale flesh, while she listened to the sound of Joel’s breathing.  

With a shaky sigh, Juliet stood, rising from the couch as Joel shifted his stance, sweeping his gaze up and down her body. 

With a trembling hand, Juliet caught the edge of her top and lifted it up until she met the edge of her bra. Then she stopped until she could meet Joel’s eyes. 

His black stare was glued to the brand on her stomach. 

“Remember this?” she asked quietly.

Joel’s eyes flashed to her’s. They were burning with what she knew as the cold, dark rage that simmered within him.

Juliet didn’t drop her hand, she let her father’s initials hang between them. 

“When I found out he was dead, I had this strange thought that he could never hurt me anymore, that maybe I could actually be rid of him,” Juliet began, stopping to laugh humorlessly at her stupidity.  

“Then I saw this,” she forced out, tilting her chin down to look at the letters burned forever on her skin. Her father’s claim on her. 

“And I knew that I was a fool,” Juliet’s eyes blinked up at Joel when she noticed him straighten. “I was a fool to think that I could ever escape him.” She paused, inhaling slowly. “I realised that in the QZ when he sent me that letter, and again when he forced the poker onto my skin.” 

“But the worst way I realised was when I started to kill people the same way I killed the infected. With no remorse, nothing but fear for myself, and… fear for you,” Juliet stopped suddenly, dropping her top and running a hand through her hair. 

“I thought that my father’s sickness had got to me through the blood we shared,” she whispered. “That I could never escape him because, in truth, I was just like him.”

Joel hadn’t moved; just stared down at her. 

“Then I went down into that fucking basement tonight,” Juliet laughed, rubbing her neck, “and it came back to me. He had told me what he’d done, but for some reason I just didn’t remember till now.” 

“He’s not my father,” Juliet said in a low voice, still struggling to verbalise her knowledge. “I don’t have to be like him anymore. Maybe the brand is the only thing left of him.”

Finally, Joel moved, shaking his head so viciously Juliet couldn’t help but take a step backwards when he took a step towards her. 

“You’re nothin like him,” he practically growled. 

Juliet’s eyes pricked with tears and she looked away, towards the door, then back to Joel. 

“Maybe,” she replied, inhaling another deep breath. “But I need proof.”

That broke Joel from his frozen state. 

He moved quickly, gripping her arms like he did in the stables. Gentler, this time, like his anger had been replaced by his terror. His hands moved up her arms, unable to settle on a place to touch her but unwilling to let her go. 

“I can’t stand by and watch you go on a suicide mission,” he fumed, his pupils flaring as he said the words. “Even if you make it there, and that’s an if, that town’s gonna be decimated. There’ll be nobody left.”

A muscle jumped in his jaw as he continued to stare down at her. His gaze wasn’t gentle; it felt like fire on her skin. 

“They barely had any food when we were there, and I killed their fuckin’ leader,” he scoffed. “It’s winter now,” Joel continued, “raiders will have got to them by now, you know that as well as I do.” 

He wasn’t wrong.  

Juliet felt the weight of his words land on her shoulders. 

“Danny,” she murmured, as the plan began to solidify in her mind, “Danny will know.”

“Who the fuck is Danny?” Joel demanded, tilting her chin up with his fingers until Juliet met his eyes. 

She swallowed. “He owned the bar,” Juliet clarified, “Ethan said he helped you both get me out.” 

Joel’s jaw shifted and his hand tightened on her arm, as though he was remembering that night in vivid detail. 

“What about him?” he said slowly. 

“He always said that he’d known me since I was a baby,” Juliet said lifelessly, “if anyone knows about my parents, it would be him.” 

Joel removed his hand from her arm to wipe it down his face as he groaned. 

“How’d you even know if he’s still alive?” he demanded, his voice hard and angry. 

“I don’t,” she whispered, blinking up at him. “But I have to go, I have to try.” 

He shook his head slowly.

“I can’t let you do this,” he decided.

Juliet stepped backwards, attempting to free herself from his grip, but he only tightened his hold on her.

“It’s not your choice, Joel,” she said quickly. 

“I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed,” he ground out, his eyes widening. 

Juliet flinched. 

“Don’t treat me like a child,” she whispered, repeating the words she said to him only hours ago, before they promised each other a future neither of them had the power to determine. 

“Don’t act like one,” Joel replied, standing taller. 

Juliet knew him well enough now. She knew that when Joel grew mean, it meant that he was frightened. 

But so was she. 

Juliet pulled herself from his grip, stepping backward until her legs hit the leather couch. 

Everything inside Juliet screamed to ask him to come with her. But she couldn’t. Joel had done too much for her already. She couldn’t ask this of him. 

Juliet had set her mind on this journey. She couldn’t live in Jackson and pretend that she didn’t know, pretend that the memory of Elijah wasn’t eating her up inside. 

Looking in his eyes, Juliet knew that Joel wasn’t going to let this go. Whether it be right or wrong, Joel would hold her down if it stopped her from putting her life in danger. 

He wanted to protect her, to keep her safe, even if it hurt her. 

Juliet squeezed her eyes shut when she remembered the look on his face that day outside her house, when he threw away everything they had built. Then she remembered, only hours ago, when he told her that he had done that for her, to protect her. 

She could do that too. 

That recklessness within Juliet was burning her alive from the inside. 

“I know about your daughter, Joel,” she said, forcing herself to look him in the eye, “Maria, told me.”

“Don’t,” he cautioned. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know you’re scared to lose people, but I can do this. I can look after myself.” 

“Don’t say another word,” Joel warned with a quick shake of his head, eyes locked onto her.  

She shouldn’t have mentioned his daughter. She thought that if he were angry at her he might let her go, but her words seemed to have the opposite effect. 

“Joel -”

His hands curled into fists against his jeans.

“I meant what I said earlier,” he said forcefully, “I’m not lettin’ you go.” 

He reached up to rub his neck and for the first time all night Juliet realised how tired he looked. 

“It’s late,” Joel reminded her, “let’s go to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

From his tone, Juliet knew that his words were just to appease her. There would be no conversation in the morning. His mind was made up. 

‘Let’s go to bed’ 

Juliet almost teared up at the thought. 

She nodded and watched as Joel’s shoulders practically sagged with relief. 

He led her up the stairs with a gentle hand on the small of her back, not daring to let her walk behind him, lest she disappear. 

They lay on his bed, cushioned by his navy sheets and soft duvet. Juliet hadn’t realised how tired she was until her head hit the pillow and the crushing weight of the day fell onto her. 

She lay on her side, watching as Joel stared at the ceiling. 

Juliet ached to know what went through his mind in that moment. 

Just that morning, they had practically been strangers and now…

Juliet knew what she had to do. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know; she couldn’t tuck that memory back in her mind and settle into life with Joel as though she had any idea who she was. 

No, Juliet had made up her mind. 

She only hoped that Joel would forgive her in the morning, when he found the space next to him empty. 

…………………………..

The winter sun pushed through the gaps in Joel’s curtains, spreading its rays across the room. 

Juliet rolled away from the window and swung an arm over her eyes, groaning. Then, like water had been poured over her, she sat up, suddenly reminded of where she was and what knowledge ran through her mind. 

Juliet’s breathing was heavy as she whipped her head to the side. Joel wasn’t there. 

Her feet hit the hardwood floor and she was up, speeding to the bedroom door as the fog of sleep still clung to the edges of her mind.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Juliet had meant to wake up at first light and sneak out without Joel realising, then head to the stables before the first patrol went out. 

She should have been gone by now. 

Her hand gripped the door handle and swung it open, then she was down the hall, swinging around the bannister as she raced down the stairs.

Fuck, she cursed herself. She’d missed her chance.

How could she be so stupid? To let herself sleep next to Joel, as though she’d ever be able to leave him like that?

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Juliet stopped.

Stopped so suddenly that she had to reach for the bannister to stop herself from falling forward.

To her left, in the living room, sat Joel, on the couch, his elbows on his knees, bent almost in a prayer-like position. 

His head swung up when he noticed her. 

“Joel?” she breathed as her eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t like it,” he said quickly as he straightened his back then lifted himself off the couch. 

Juliet’s eyes dropped down his body until she noticed the boots on his feet, wet with what looked like fresh snow.

She opened her mouth to voice her confusion but closed it just as fast when Joel drew closer. 

“It’s a bad idea,” he continued, standing in front of her now. 

Juliet’s stomach had dropped to her feet. What was he going to do? Block the door? Prevent her from ever leaving? 

“Joel, I know this -” 

“Shh,” he interrupted, raising his finger. 

“You goin’ out there alone, it’s not happenin’” Joel declared, his voice had a frightening edge to it. 

Juliet swallowed, then opened her mouth to protest. But Joel’s rough finger on her lips stopped her. 

“If you’re determined to do this,” he said with a shake of his head, “I know I can’t stop you.”

Juliet nearly stopped breathing.

“We do this together,” Joel vowed, brushing his finger over her lips, “and when we get back… that’s it, no more puttin’ our lives on the line, no more fuckin’ suicide missions.”

Despite the terror swirling around her heart, Juliet’s lips stretched into a small smile and Joel followed the movement with his careful touch. 

“Agreed,” she whispered, tilting her head down in a nod. 

Joel stared at her for a moment, his eyes roaming over her features, then he dropped his hand and turned around, reaching for something on the coffee table. 

It was his jacket. She’d left it at the mess hall the night before. 

“Found this,” he said quietly, turning to look out the window as though he were suddenly shy.

Juliet put the jacket on immediately. It still smelled like him. 

“Spoke to Tommy,” Joel revealed as he ran a hand over his face, “he’s not happy about it but he’ll let us go, said he’d spare a horse.” 

“That was nice of him,” Juliet said, stunned. 

Joel coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, well, it better be worth it.” 

Juliet‘s guilt began to creep in again, but she didn’t let it fester. This was what she wanted, she was finally going to get the closure she craved. 

Joel had turned around, heading over to the shelf in the living room where he kept some supplies. 

“Thank you,” Juliet breathed, watching closely as he stopped moving and turned to face her again.

“I told ya, not lettin’ you go again,” he replied, his voice rough. 

Despite everything that lay ahead of them, despite everything that raged in her mind… 

Juliet smiled.

________________________________

@amyispxnk @casa-boiardi @http-paprika @shotgun-shelby @weeping-werewolf @mysaviorjoelmiller @chlojoceycom

[oddinary4bts]

November Sun | jjk

☆summary: whenever he breaks, the november sun shines on him. and jungkook chases you across the sky - but you've gone some place he can't reach you now.

☆pairing: Jungkook x reader (I genuinely don't think the gender is ever mentioned? please let me know if it is so I can adjust this here), mentions-ish of Namjoon x reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, it deals with heavy themes)

☆genre: grief au/funeral au?, exes au, angst

☆warnings: angst, like. Just angst. OC is dead and Jungkook is grieving her. Curses words, very light mentions of sex, flashbacks of moments when jungkook broke. mentions of christianism (the funerals are held in a church), mentions of alcohol, jealousy. Namjoon is a broken man as well

☆word count: 3.7k

☆a/n: I started writing this tonight because I was sad and then just realized I won't have the strength to look back on it ever again so I'm posting it even tho it hasn't been beta-ed, and even tho the person that makes my moodboards is unavailable rn. Idc. It needed to be out of my system, and now it is.

☆a/n pt2: I know this piece is extremely heavy. If you ever need to speak, please reach out to me. My blog is a safe space for every single one of you <3

☆☆☆☆☆

                The church is a tall building. Grand, elegant in its simplicity, though it cuts against the blue sky up above in stark lines, shaped like a prison.

Jungkook thinks life has become a prison a while ago.

It’s a mystery, why your family chose this space for your funeral. You never believed, never practiced. Is it a betrayal to mark your passing in a space that feels so unlike you?

Jungkook thinks it is.

He sighs, chases the heaviness away the same way the clouds chase themselves in the sky up above. He doesn’t know how the sun is shining in the blue expanse of the sky. It’s November, yet the day is warm, the sun is blindingly glowing. It feels like a crime – how can the sun shine in a world deprived of your existence?

Jungkook doesn’t want to know.

Only knows that he’s watched from afar the people that gathered on the front steps. Chatting, heads hung low and shoulders bent forward. He heard sniffles, he heard laughs, and he just waited for everyone to go in to get closer.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he was invited. Why someone from a distant past figured he would need to be here, to share his grief with people that could understand.

Though Jungkook thinks no one can understand.

He remembers you, in all your glory. His first love, when he had been a stupid college kid who didn’t know what he wanted in life. You were two years older, and now... and now one day he’ll be older than you. Because you've stopped aging, you came and went like a moment in time, when he'll still be here for who fucking knows how long.

He chases the thought away with a long inhale, holds the air in knowing that it’s choking him up before he lets it out on a sigh.

You were beautiful. A star that walked the Earth, only to return to the night sky above far too soon. He had loved you dearly, in his own twisted way. Had tried to be what you sought, what you needed, until he had realized he was never going to be enough.

Would you still be alive today, if he had fought harder?

*****

                “I’m not doing this,” you said. “I’m so fucking done with your indecision, with your fear of commitment.”

Jungkook scoffed. “Please, you graduated and now you think you’re so high above me. Get down from the fucking horse, Y/n, it’s not going to bring us anywhere.”

He’d said the words hoping that they would hurt you. And they did: he saw you physically recoil as if he’d punched you. As if the words had been a physical blow, and not just letters of the alphabets shaped into words and sound, into arrows to pierce that beautiful soul of yours.

“Maybe I don’t want us to go somewhere anymore,” you replied after a quiet moment of breaking hearts.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.” You sighed, slightly shaking your head as your eyes fell to the floor between you and him. “I know, but I mean it.”

“Please,” was all Jungkook thought to reply.

“You say please all the time,” you told him. “You beg me, and for what? We always circle back to fighting, to hurting each other.” You paused, and though you were avoiding his features he could see you blinking back tears. “Maybe we aren’t supposed to be together at all.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook warned. “Don’t you fucking say that. I love you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“I love you too, Jungkook,” you answered. “I’ve loved you since the first day I met you at that stupid party last year.”

Jungkook felt the tear rolling down his cheek, felt the gravity pulling on his heart until it was shattering on the ground.

“Then why stop now?” he asked. “Give me time, Y/n. I’ll graduate, and I’ll be able to move in with you, and to provide for you and give you everything that you need.”

You sighed heavily, finding courage to finally meet his gaze. At the stark finality shining behind your pupils, Jungkook’s knees weakened. His whole fucking body weakened, ready for the blow.

For the end that was coming for you and him like a car barreling down a dead-end street.

“But I’m tired of waiting,” you answered. “I don’t want to spend my life waiting around for someone.”

“I’m still in college, I just can’t move in with you right now…”

“I know, Jungkook. I know.”

He wanted to fight. Wanted to tell you to stay in his dorm tonight, and to never leave again. But he could tell that you were already gone.

So he steeled himself. Readied himself to let you go even though you were the blood in his veins.

“I’m holding you back, aren’t I?”

You wiped a tear on your cheek, blurring behind those in his gaze. “You are.”

He choked on a sob, hiding his eyes behind his hand as if that would stop the breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reassured him. “We just aren’t at the same place in life anymore.”

An empty silence surrounded you, so loud Jungkook could hear every beat of his heart in his ears, could feel the walls pressing in.

“I don’t want you to go,” he softly said.

“I know,” you murmured. “I…” You choked on a sob, and it took you a moment before you managed to continue. “I’m sorry.”

He laughed, a sound so devoid of joy he wondered if he’d ever feel happiness again. “Please don’t be. You’re allowed to want more.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

Anger rose up on the horizon of Jungkook’s conscience, and he pushed it away. He refused to be angry at you, refused to put the blame on you when you made it clear that you wanted him to move in so long ago, and he disregarded it without even once thinking about it.

“I’ll find you again,” he promised, voice strained and heavy with emotion. “I’ll graduate and find you.”

You stepped closer to him, gently cupping his cheek. “Go find someone that loves you for what you are, Jungkook.”

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t want you to settle for someone that asks too much for you,” you explained, renewed silver lining your eyes. “Find someone that loves you for who you are, right now.”

“Fuck that,” he choked out, and he pulled you flush against his chest. “Fuck this nonsense. ”

“I’m so sorry,” you cried against him.

“Don’t be,” he reassured you, though he was crying too. “Don’t be. Give me a few years. I’ll have it all figured out in a few years.”

*****

                The priest at the front of the church is going on and on about something that Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to. It’s impersonal, nothing like you, like the vibrant girl he remembers. So he lets his memory guide him to you, where you’re awaiting him. Your lips on his, your hand running through his hair. Your own hair catching in the wind that time you’d gone hiking, and he’d believed being at the top of the mountain with you felt like he had won in life.

Or that time you’d driven on the coast, windows down, screaming the lyrics to a song he can’t listen to anymore. Now the song is haunted by ghosts of a past he never learned to let go, perhaps because for months after the breakup he’d kept the conviction that he’d find his way back to you. He’d believed it the same way he believed the sun would always rise in the morning. A simple truth of nature, that nothing could ever break.

Except a car accident, apparently. Because all it took was a car accident to wipe you off the surface of the Earth, to take your light and shove it into shadows, into darkness and a void so wide he knows he’ll never find you again.

But he’d believed he’d find his way back to you. Never let anyone in after you, for the months and years it took him to graduate because he always knew he’d find his way back to you. You were his silver lining, the finish line at the end of the race. On a November day, just as sunny as today, Jungkook reached that finish line.

He did find you again, only you never knew.

*****

                Jungkook had never felt so light before. Like he had grown wings, like he was soaring in the clouds up above. Though the sun was out, the weather was cold, wind running cold fingers through the lapels of his coat until he found himself shivering as he made his way to the flower store.

He’d get the biggest bouquet for you, and then he’d head to where he knew from a common friend that you lived now. It was Saturday, and he hoped to catch you unaware, to catch you in the middle of cleaning your apartment the same way that you cleaned it back when you were dating.

The image of you, with your hair pulled back in a high ponytail as you danced around instead of sweeping the floor shone in his mind, brighter than the star in the sky above.

He bought the flowers, heart beating fast in his chest. Because it was time. It was finally time to go home, to tell you that he did everything he said he would, that he changed and now had a job that could support what you both wanted. He wanted to ask you out, and in his dreams you had been answering yes every single time since he had decided to go see you.

His heart fluttered as he gently rested the flowers on his passenger seat, careful not to damage them. Memories floated to him, and a smile grew on his lips as he remembered you, screaming out the window that day you had driven along the coast. You had stopped to watch the sunset in the waves, and he’d kissed you stupid on his back seat until every single inch of your skin knew about his love.

He couldn’t wait to create new memories with you.

He drove carefully, enjoying the warmth of the sun now that he was safely hidden from the wind. You actually didn’t live too far from where he did now, and soon enough he parked his car near your building. He got out of the vehicle, almost running to the other side in his excitement to grab the bouquet on the passenger seat. When it was safely tucked in his hand, Jungkook shut the car door, locked it, and started walking to your building.

He didn’t even know which apartment was yours. He believed fate would guide him, and so he crossed the street to your building, trusting the universe for what was to come next.

He heard your laugh before he saw you. Love swelled in his chest, and he wondered if you were laughing because you’d seen him, because you’d known that he’d come back for you.

And then he saw you. The wind was ruffling your hair, which he assumed had prompted the laugh. Your eyes were closed, hands struggling to push the wild strands behind your ears.

You were more beautiful than he remembered. Shone brighter, with the same stuff that stars consisted of. He was struck for a moment, watching you with his bouquet hoping that you’d open your eyes and see him.

The world slowed down to a stop, and time halted, and Jungkook watched you, feeling at home for the first time in years.

The illusion fractured the instant someone else came into view, making him realize that you hadn’t been laughing at the wind. No, perhaps your laughter took root in the dimples gracing the man’s cheeks as he smiled at you, as he pecked your forehead before grabbing your hand.

Jungkook ducked behind a car, clutching the flower bouquet like a lifeline the moment that you turned towards him. Did you hear his heart breaking? Did you hear the mockery in the November sun rays – you’d broken up on a similar day, years ago.

Jungkook couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think around the shattering of his heart, around the blood turning to ice in his veins as he heard you speak to the man – Namjoon, he heard you call him.

He would have rather not known the name.

Still Jungkook drank in the sound of your voice, trying to shape it into the words he was so willing to hear you say today. It didn’t work, and soon enough your voice disappeared, leaving him in a deafening silence of wind and sun and the realization that after all, he had come back too late.

Perhaps he should have known that he'd be too late.

*****

                When Jungkook received the call last week, he’d sat outside in the silence until he thought his eardrums would start bleeding. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t breathed, hadn’t done anything other than to stare at the fading light of the sun.

He wonders, why is it that whenever he breaks, November sun is shining high above? As if the universe takes pleasure in his torment, in undoing him until he barely counts as a human being anymore.

He got pissed out drunk that night. Last time he had been as drunk was when he had found out you were dating someone new, that day he had come to find you.

And now he wonders, if he had approached you that day, would you still be dead today? Would life still have put you on that road with its drunk driver so that you could meet your end?

Or would you be laughing at some dumb comment he’d make, telling him that he’s stupid with eyes so full of love he wouldn’t be able to do anything else but agree with you?

It’s hard to tell. So, he doesn’t try to figure it out – he has an eternity ahead of himself to figure out how to live without you anyway.

Maybe in all his misfortune Jungkook actually had some luck. He’s learned to grieve you a while ago already, and perhaps grieving someone that still lives is harder than grieving someone that’s passed. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he knows anything. Just that, so far back in the past he should have said fuck it and move in with you. It was such a simple request, but he had been too young and dumb, and he’d forever live with the regrets of it.

If someone from your family notices his presence at the funeral, recognizes him from your shared past, they don’t say. Especially not as the end of the ceremony comes before he’s had a chance to really take in the picture of you, smiling, over there next to the urn with your ashes.

You’re ashes now. Everything that made you – your laugh, your smile, the way you carried yourself with that simple elegance – all of it is gone to be replaced with mere ashes.

He doubts they can hold the truth of your essence, but then again he doesn’t think anything can, or anything ever will again.

He blinks away the tears as they come, leaving the ceremony like a whisper in the wind. He doesn’t want to speak to your family, doesn’t want to see them coddling the man that you loved, that survived the accident when he should have been the one to go.

Jealousy and selfishness are ugly, Jungkook realizes. But it’s easier to hate the man that took you away from him, no matter how unknowingly he did it.

And Jungkook tried to hate you once. He tried hard, in the months after that fated November day, when you’d laughed to that man’s joke, smiled when he’d smiled that soft dimpled smile of his. He had tried, because hating you felt like it was the only way he wouldn’t hurt. But he still hurt – he still hurts.

All he’s been able to do in his life since you broke up is hurt, and he highly doubts he’ll ever feel differently again.

Perhaps he’ll grow numb. Perhaps he should have grown numb a while ago.

At least that’s what he’s telling himself days later, when he’s looking at the tombstone they picked out for you. The finality of your name and the dates, the ending, is unnerving. He wishes it was fake, wishes it was a joke, and that he didn’t spend most of his life loving someone that moved on to a new love in just a few years.

It’s been over a decade and he hasn’t moved on even a little bit.

He kicks the ground, mad at the leaves littering the ground where you’re buried, as if they’re sullying you. And as if laughing at him, sun rays pierce through the clouds up above, that dreaded November sun making an appearance when it should stay gone.

He allows himself to cry. To break down, to sit on the ground and curse everything and everyone that’s ever been between you and him. He curses his stupidity, curses the sun and the leaves and the etchings on the stone. He hates everything. Hates himself, hates you, hates the whole fucking universe for taking you away, for not giving him the chance to be with you.

That’s how Namjoon finds him. Jungkook’s tears have receded, and he’s just sitting there, an empty shell that once held love and laughter and your lips on his. He hears the scuffle of Namjoon’s steps, of his cane as he walks up the path.

The man’s features are grave when Jungkook can’t help but glance towards him, sees him ambling up the path with that cane, the only indication that he too was in that car accident. And Jungkook wonders if Namjoon knows about him. If Namjoon knows that he wasn’t the first man whose love for you was a bottomless ocean, one Jungkook has drowned in time and time again since you broke up.

Namjoon remains standing, and Jungkook remains sitting. Like there’s an understanding between them, and silence conveys more than words could. Jungkook doesn’t want to move, and Namjoon clearly doesn’t have anywhere to go.

Jungkook thinks the Earth has revolved around the sun at least once before Namjoon scrapes his throat.

“It’s hard to believe that she’s gone, isn’t it?” he speaks, deep voice carrying the weight of the universe.

Jungkook doesn’t deign reply as his eyes fill with tears, though he refuses to let them out right now.

Especially not in front of the man you loved after him.

“You’re Jungkook, aren’t you?”

The simple sentence makes Jungkook lose it. He hides his face in his hands, his whole soul bleeding out under the November sun.

“She told me about you,” Namjoon continues, and Jungkook is convinced he hears pain, tears and grief laced with Namjoon’s words.

What did you tell him, Jungkook wonders? Did you tell Namjoon that you should have waited for Jungkook, that you should have given him a chance to become what you needed?

“She loved you a lot,” Namjoon adds after a silence, and he chokes on a sob. “She never forgot about you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jungkook asks with that broken voice, raspy with disuse.

He hasn’t been able to speak since you died.

“You deserve to grieve. She loved and loved, and I wish it would have been enough for her to live…”

“Stop,” Jungkook begs. “Please.”

Namjoon falls silent, offering salvation to Jungkook, though Jungkook doesn’t know if he deserves it.

Would he have been able to offer salvation to someone in his position if the situation was reversed? He highly doubts it.

“It’s just…” he trails off when he finds words again. “You got fucking years with her. You got years of loving and-“ it breaks on a sob. “And you were fucking engaged.” Jungkook pulls at his hair. “You were engaged, and all I got was months. Not even a full year.”

“I’m sorry man,” Namjoon answers, voice so broken Jungkook wonders who’s suffering the most.

He doesn’t think it’s himself.

“Was she happy?” Jungkook eventually asks, once he can’t stand the silence hanging around. Once he can’t stand the etchings on the stone, the void in the universe that used to be filled with you.

“I made her as happy as I could,” Namjoon replies truthfully, his voice strained but not as pained anymore. As if he’s reached a conclusion, clarity filling his mind.

Not needing to hear more, Jungkook gets up, dusting himself off.

“Good talk,” he says, fighting against the next onslaught of tears, and then he’s storming off.

Storming away from you, from everything that you meant to him. And maybe the sun rays really are mocking him in that beautiful November sky, because Namjoon says, “I don’t think she ever truly was happy after you, though.”

Jungkook stops, convinced someone just stabbed him right in the heart. He doesn’t think the organ can beat anymore, doesn’t think he can live anymore. He just wants to be dust on the wind, to be forgotten, and to stop fucking feeling all the time.

“She was calling off the engagement,” Namjoon continues. “She…” Jungkook turns, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such agony as the one that graces Namjoon’s features right now. “She said she shouldn’t get married to me when she still loved another.”

Clouds pass in front of the November sun, and Jungkook remembers the smile on your face whenever you’d catch his gaze. He remembers the way you’d lovingly cupped his cheek even when you were breaking up with him. He still feels the ghost of your fingers on his skin as he holds Namjoon’s broken gaze.

He holds Namjoon’s broken gaze, unable to offer the man salvation. It might make him a monster, might make him selfish and jealous and everything that he finds disgusting about humanity. But Jungkook doesn’t care.

Not when he realizes that perhaps, perhaps he’s the one that you’re waiting for on the other side of the veil, so that you can rest in the eternity of afterlife together.

And perhaps, perhaps there’s some sort of beauty in the thought.

☆☆☆☆☆

I am crying and in pain and I am sending everyone that read this whole thing lots of love and if you need to talk just hit me up bc grief is a bitch and we hate her and I just wish I could take everyone's grief away

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[mybworlds]

Chapter 2: You're lost in a trance

Title: The Mermaid of the Narrow Sea Pairing: Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (no Y/N) Chapter summary: Meereen, you and Prince Oberyn begin to know each other Masterlist Rating: M Series warnings: age gap, slavery, sexism, praises, violence, blood, death, alcool use, arranged marriage, slow burn, smut, dom/sub dynamics, dirty talk, rape attempts. Extra warning: a vicious brother (oc), Ellaria is a jealous woman in this story. Before to start... thank you very much for your likes and reblogs, if you want to let me know what you think about, I'd love. Today it's been 10 yrs of our beloved Prince Oberyn, time flies. If you want to be added to my taglist let me know.

Taglist: @christinamadsen

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thank you @idontgetanysleep for dividers

You feel as if you are immobilized by his eyes, his gaze, you saw so many eyes on you, eager gazes, and you always felt disgust and revulsion toward those kinds of men so much so that you never trusted any of them, but the gaze of that Prince bewitched you, totally. He wears a robe full of strange symbols in the shape of the Sun, maybe it's a coat of arms.

"Is she a slave?" the young man asks, taking a step toward the other man who nods "The slave my brother wanted?" he asks again for confirmation, his tone of voice surprised almost as if he didn't expect you really were.

"Yes, my Prince," the second man confirms again. Both men look at you, or rather, the young man stares at you, he does so from head to toe, he has an amused look on his face, as if he is thinking about who knows what, as he scrutinizes you.

The man comes back to look at you, you look into each other's eyes, you can't look away from his dark ones, it's as if you are studying each other, you don't speak nor does he move, but you know he would like to touch you, by now you recognize those looks, that's all men think about.

"You're beautiful." he tells you, approaching you with a smile, you furrow your brow as if you are waiting for the Prince to reveal his true nature a few moments from now, namely that of a sleazy little man ready only to satisfy his primal needs and overpower the weaker. He's close, too close, too close, you take a step back blinking your eyes, you don't want him so close to you, you don't. The man stops, he's surprised, you catch this nuance in his eyes, he turns to the elder "Does she understand our language?"

"Yes, my Prince," he replies.

"I don't want to hurt you," the Prince tries again, but you take another half step back. You end up against a wall of that dingy place, your back to the wall, and you swallow without ceasing to stare in particular at the man next to you and without losing sight of the second one either. The Prince turns to the elderly man, "Please bring some food and water and order a bath to be prepared, clean. I don't want a tub full of lice, clean." orders the Prince in a calm tone, barely turning his head toward the man behind him. The latter takes his leave with a half bow and goes out, closing the door, only the two of you remain, you and this young stranger.

"I don't know how you've lived so far," the Prince begins without ceasing to look you in the eye, "but I won't hurt you," he continues, neither touching you nor trying to, and that works in his favor.

You find yourself thinking and lowering your gaze for a moment, "Do you have a name?" he asks without looking away from your face.

You are not my master, though, you think.

You nod slowly, "Would you like to tell me? I promise I'll make good use of it," he adds curious. You lower your gaze, your name... oh, you barely remember it, you barely remember how your mother murmured it when she cradled you in her arms to fall you asleep, the last time you heard it came out of her sweet lips, it sounded like a melody said by her, then no one called you by your real name anymore, only by your current nickname.

The man cocks his head to one side waiting for you to speak, you do. It's a whisper your real name, by now you don't know who you really are, you don't know why you told him, to that man, to a Prince especially.

"No one, however, calls me by my real name," you add, still in a whisper, "they all call me Mermaid of the Narrow Sea," you continue.

Do you have to give him curtsy? You've never done one, does he expect it?

"I prefer your name," he replies with a half-smile and then repeats it softly, you don't know why said by him your name sounds so warm, you don't know why hearing it pronounced by someone like him makes you cringe and swallow "things and people must be called by their names, not by qualities or appellations, I never liked that. I am Oberyn, even though everyone calls me Prince Oberyn." he introduces himself, you look at him.

"No curtsy, if that's what's bothering you," he continues again as if he read your mind "People have to do what they want, not what they have to by some form of compulsion." he adds lowering his gaze for a moment, at that time three beautiful maidens burst in with golden bowls, there is food inside them, lots of it. You don't know what kind of food is, but what doesn't escape you are the languid looks of the three young women, almost certainly prostitutes, and the Prince.

He may fill his mouth with fine words, but he's still a man, you think with disgust.

"You are wonderful, girls," says the man reaching out them and looking them as a lion would when faced with easy prey, the girls giggle. You refuse to watch those shows, you still don't really know what will become of you, it's true the man told you he won't hurt you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to make you his own and make you like one of those girls he is now touching or maybe it will be his brother - your master - who will do it. You can't trust him, you hear some more laughter, then the three young women leave and you are alone again, you and him. You don't move, you stay in that corner. "Are you hungry?" you nod "Come." he continues, extending an arm as if inviting you to join him.

If he expects you to get on that bed and give yourself to him to thank him for the food, he is wrong.

Is he mocking you, perhaps? Does he want you to imitate him? Absolutely not.

When he realizes you don't reach him, he turns his back to you and lays on the bed on his back leaning on a forearm. You see him bite into those foods with a grace and sensuality that you are forced to look away, swallowing.

There's so much strange-looking, colorful food, you've never seen anything like it. It even smells good!

You don't even know what it is, you approach slowly as if to probe the ground and make sure you can turn around and hide in that corner, he just stands there on the bed grumbling after each bite, it must be good or maybe he's just exaggerating to try to get you to relax.

"It's okay, come on." he repeats as if you were a small animal afraid to get too close to a human being, you look up from food at the Prince who is there on the bed with his legs stretched out eating. You get close enough to grab in both hands what you can and run back to the corner without ever turning your back on Prince Oberyn.

You bite a yellow grape and it is sweet, so sweet. A little whimper escapes your lips, you bite another and another, when you look up you see that the young man is looking at you with an amused look, you look at him with a suspicious frown, "You have to spit out the seeds, don't eat them." he warns you, you look at the grapes you still have in your hands "You can eat them, but they alter the taste of the fruit a little." he adds. You keep eating them, ignoring what he just said, then you move on to an orange fruit, it's soft, strange. You smell it and at that moment the Prince comes down, you immediately run back.

"Don't be afraid," he tells you as he approaches you, "I just want to show you how to eat that fruit in your hand." he adds, "If you bite it like you did before, you risk breaking your teeth or choking. " he warns you, you don't know whether to be more terrified at the idea of having him come near you or the idea of choking, you swallow and remain motionless, your eyes wide open, as he very slowly approaches you, "Here you go." he says splitting the orange fruit in his hands, revealing a large, dark stone inside, you swallow "See?" you look up into his face "Here, eat it."

"You eat it!" you reply suspiciously.

He smiles, "Whatever you say, sweetheart." he says removing that stone and biting into the orange fruit "Delicious. I'll give you the other half." he says again holding out the other half of the fruit in the palm of his hand, you look at the man's tapered hand outstretched toward you and only then you notice a ring to his hand, then the man's face, his features, his eyes, and you don't feel like he's there ready to attack you, but you can't trust him. He is a man.

Quickly you grab what is left of the fruit from the palm of his hand and eat it, eat it without taking your eyes off him. You fear there is some trick on his part, some attempt to get you to drop your guard and then hit you, but he does nothing. He doesn't move, just smiles without stopping looking at you.

"Good?" he asks you, you nod "Good." he comments smiling at you, he definitely wants to try to calm you down, but you can't "I'll take you over there now, you can trust me. The girls will help you wash up," he adds taking a half step toward the door "I'll walk you, I'm not going in, I'll wait for you outside," he adds again.

"Why?" you ask him wrinkling your forehead.

"Why what, my dear?"

You remain for a moment interdicted by these appeals he is giving you, "Why would you accompany me? Are you afraid I will escape?" you ask him, he smiles amused as if you have just said something very funny.

"Although the idea of seeing my brother without his toy amuses me, I do so because I fear you might attack anyone outside of me," he replies.

"Who says I don't attack you too," you say staring into his eyes.

Toy? So, is that what you are? Is this how Prince Oberyn sees you?

He also looks you in the eyes "Because I can tell who wants to do it from who doesn't." he retorts, leaving you dumbfounded "Now, my girl, come." he adds, opening the doors and stretching an arm outward "Follow me. " you follow him half a step away, you could run away, but you are as if hypnotized by him, and yet he is only a man you tell yourself, he is only a Prince, he is no better than others, but nevertheless you can't help but feel captivated by his elegant and sensual ways, his bewitching gaze, his warm and safe voice.

He leads you up to a semi-dark room, you are always on the alert, you don't know what dangers may lurk in that room, but you discover that inside there are four women, a large tub in the center and then jars and sponges all scattered around there.

The women greet and lasciviously look at Prince Oberyn winking at him, the Prince is no less. He smiles and looks at the women as if he is ready to eat them, he walks up to them and holds two of them close to him "Girls, I entrust you with this wonderful flower, take care of her as you know how." he tells them, while one sensually caresses his cheek and the other instead wanders a hand down his back.

The Prince then turns to you, "Don't be afraid, they will be as delicate as feathers." saying that, he takes his leave of you and exits. He'd like to see you without any clothing, he'd like to admire your body, the soap on your shoulders, on your back, he'd like to smell the perfume spreading along your body, he'd like to admire your legs, but he sensed that you would not at all like his presence there in that room, so, before he was driven out of your sight, he took his leave. He would give you time to get used to his presence, he was the one who - despite the fact that of women and men he had known - is very impressed by your frightened and hurt look, just as those strange thoughts were making their way through him, he hears from inside the room a series of strange noises and then little muffled cries, Oberyn smiles, he's sure you are giving those four poor girls in there a hard time.

His, however, is a fleeting smile because shortly thereafter he wonders why he is so patient toward you, on other occasions finding maidens intimidated or too shy he'd dismissed them and sought pleasure and amusement elsewhere and instead your eyes, your terrified look in his presence - and also in his absence apparently - struck him. As he thinks about this, he decides to devote himself to something that can help him distract himself and immediately put aside the thought of you.

He does not know and yet he is so eager to find out and especially to see how you would give his brother a hard time. His brother ... well, if Prince Oberyn was a much-loved, respected and at the same time feared man, his brother Mors was neither respected nor loved, but everyone was terrified of him. Prince Oberyn and his brother Doran managed to a certain extent to control his madness, even their sister Elia managed to keep him at bay to a certain extent, but since she was gone, no one could control Mors Martell anymore. He became an instinctive, violent man, and not only with the servants, even with his family members and grandchildren, everyone was afraid and that's why they kept him away.

She is just a slave, thinks the Prince, what is so special about her?

Oberyn wonders what he would do with you, what he wants from you, how he would treat you, when you would calm down, he will talk to you about him, you must know who his brother is, you must be ready for anything.

[plasticfangtastic]

american royalty. ch. 2

A Homelander x F!reader fanfic.

a/n: will post ch. 3 this week but sadly my other fic will be posted next week, enjoy this slow burn dadlander fic, and thx u to all the readers. prev. chapter:

Sypnosis: Homelander never wanted to remember you, but after welcoming Ryan into his life, he thought of you & the lie that tore you two apart. Now... thinking back, thinking of your betrayal-- was he perhaps wrong about who the father of your unborn child was? Did you perhaps told the truth all those years ago?

Tags: mild gore, angst, lots of angst, slow burn, fluff, OC characther, child neglect, dadlander, romance.

Chapter Two

Red

It had been a very long day, business was booming nowadays and since that influencer had made a couple videos on your pizzeria, you had been more than just busy, you began to run out of ingredients.

 In the last four years, the restaurant had grown, it had been there since 2002 ran by your boss’s father and his brother, who had ran their own pizza shop since the 80’s but as the economy and other events hit, they had decided to relocate and re-brand, now managed by their son– a man you owed so much, had his heart not been filled with kindness you would most likely be in the streets. So you made sure his restaurant was the best, you had accolades, you’ve worked in some of the best restaurants, you were once a very prominent fast rising figure of the New York culinary scene– until Homelander came along.

Your talent revamped the restaurant and now your food was once again on the spotlight, for the first time since you left Vought, you were happy with yourself, even if it was pizza. Cooking made you happy, and this job needed you, you didn’t live in fear of sleeping in your car anymore, you didn’t need to worry that your daughter would sleep on somebody’s couch again, you were able to quit your third job and go casual on your second thanks to this place, right now you didn’t live in the best of places but you were saving up and in a couple months you’d have enough money saved up to move, and send your daughter to a better school, somewhere were her talents wouldn’t be wasted.

So here you were ten minutes before closing, another extra couple hours of overtime for your dream two bedroom apartment, where it would be safe for her, where you could finally feel like your life had moved on from him, that the door opened up and your cashier squealed.

It was a quaint looking restaurant, the wood seating was new and the wall decor had been changed trying to look less cluttered, with Art Deco lighting fixtures as the stand out feature. The place had been remodeled recently it seems, the kitchen and its big brick oven looked clean but ancient to Homelander, he stared at the menu board and metal boxes of accouterments by the counters, taking in that this was in fact a pizza place, that you of all people did in fact work at a pizza place. You who could whip up amazing fare, now made greasy cheap slices, but he had seen people come in and leave endlessly these past few days, people taking selfies, and recording themselves with your food, nothing he understood.

He looked back at the teenager on the counter offering his signature smile as she blubbered her script, then as you took a step closer knowing you couldn’t hide in this open kitchen you finally looked at each other for the first time in seven years.

Your throat collapsed and your whole body became prickly and tight, your heart was beating so fast you thought you might be having a heart attack, you looked at the clock cursing that it wasn’t over, you were almost done packing the kitchen and readying for tomorrow, having a customer at this hour was awful but having him here was about to take you to an early grave.

“What’s your best seller?” Homelander muttered looking straight at you with an aloof stare, then back at the cashier– is pizza night at my house, sorry for coming so late hope that’s not a problem?” he said exceedingly politely.

The teenager blushed and looked back at you as if asking you to pinch her.

“That would be our pepperoni queen– is two types of cheese, extra pepperoni, with our signature house made marinara, with a dash of vodka sauce in our sourdough thin crust… chili oil is optional” You had managed to say trying to ignore those piercing blue eyes, you moved back to your place staring at the few remaining trays of dough balls left– our second best seller is our chicken florentine pie.”

Homelander admittedly detested pizza, it was greasy, gooey and heavy, it was fattening and gross, but there was a familiar aroma in the room, something that was making his mouth water lightly. Looking back at the girl, he ordered both in their smallest size offered, he sat by one of the wooden booths for the ten minutes he was told to wait, and not once did he made a comment, maybe that’s why your heart stung so much, why it felt as if you were about to collapse– that after seven years, he had completely forgotten about you, while only now did you began to feel as if you could heal from all the suffering he’d cause you, how insignificant had you been all along, how you love never registered.

You both had talked of moving in together and buying a home, he wanted to buy you a restaurant, and you wanted to give him your life, you had never loved somebody as much as he made you love him, and now you were just some bum wearing a graphic t-shirt making him dinner.

You packed his food, your boss Kaleem had given him extras on the house, practically begging for Homelander to give them a photo for their socials and you simply stare as he did his superhero thing, you took one of the delivery bags knowing he would lose the food if he flew with them in hand.

After the photoshoot, Kaleem and your cashier had run to the back to show the picture to the only other staffer left at this hour.

You both looked at each other as he took the bag off your hands, you wanted to cry, your eyes welling up but you looked down afraid of him, no doubt he could hear your heartbeat tickling his ear.

“It's been a while hasn’t it?” 

You could’ve collapsed into tears right then and there, it was worse to be remembered.

Growing angry at the sound of his soft voice, and that concerned expression in his face.

“Yes…”

“How you been? Didn’t think I'd ever see you again.”

“Should’ve killed me back then… got fucking close to it tho.” You dropped all pleasantries, hearing him talk and not hearing the word sorry 5 seconds in, had infuriated you. His stupid face, those stupid eyes, and that clown suit was too much for you, maybe it was the poor diet and lack of sleep but right now you wanted to ban him from Lucci’s– hope you enjoy the food.”

You pushed the bag jumping from the kitchen to the front as you headed for the door, holding it open for him.

“I’m doing alright. Now leave!” 

“You don’t even want to know why I'm here?” he was taken aback by your brashness, you had always been sweet to him, tender, barely ever angry before, so why now?

“You got a little kid now, I gather like any other kid, he likes pizza… and good for him because mine is the best!”

“Not really… I actually wanted to see you. I… I just wanted to ask you something–

“Mother!!”

Your daughter emerged from the depths of the kitchen, she carried a kindle in one hand and a giftcard in the other.

“Is it okay if I use my present now? They got some books on sale and you said not to buy more books until I finished… oh…”

In the light and in front of him, your daughter truly looked like your mirror image, copy and pasted into a miniature. Her hair just past her chin, and her bangs indeed covered her eyes, peeking behind those curtains were the prettiest blue eyes he’d ever seen, there was no unnatural shine to them– just blue. Her lips so thin and her complexion just a tad paler than your own now that he gave it a proper look, she was so small-- too small for her age.

“Is okay honey, is your birthday you can get any books you want” Your tone shifted entirely lowering yourself to take her face and plant a quick peck on her cheek– now go back with uncle Kaleem and let mommy close shop, okay? We’ll go home in a minute.”

“Is it your birthday young lady? Congratulations.”

Homelander threw his best smile, giving the kid a cautious pet, catching the rage in your eyes as his gloved fingers touched your daughter.

“Thanks. Is not a milestone birthday so it is not worthy of congratulations… seems inane to celebrate it” she looked at her mother with a jaded expression– " I'll go get my bag, have a good night, sir.”

Homelander pressed his lip as the most deadpan voice came out of this little girl. Her oversized black sweater and the black tights made her look oddly unhappy, but the kid just stared at him with boredom, no surprise or interest when she stood next to America's favorite son.

He wondered if that was an adult or a seven year old for a second.

He worried if the kid had told his mother about that other night, but looking back at you he went with 'maybe'.

“What’s your name?” he asked, still forcing a smile– "my… you seem like a smart girl getting books for your birthday.”

“Helena.”

The kid couldn’t muster the energy to give him anything but her dead ass voice, she began to walk away not caring for manners, nor Homelander.

“She’s… cute.” he said watching that tiny figure walk away and surviving after her second nsult– great pronunciation for her age, does she even know what she’s saying?”

“Helena is not like other kids.”

“How so?” 

You looked at him more tired than anything, rubbing your temples as you made yourself waste spit to talk to him.

“She’s a Supe… by the time she was two she could speak in full sentences, by three she could read at a first and second grade level, and by five she was teaching herself calculus and piano… she’s a genius; I thought she was a normal genius until… her other powers manifested– none of this matters! Just go!” You shook your head in frustration.

“You gave her V?” He said while staring at Helena.

“... I didn’t know what V was until the news broke out, I thought Helena was chosen by God! That the world blessed her with those powers, but when that story came out I’ve been wanting to ask you– did you give her V? but… if you didn’t… who… are you lying to me, John?”

Homelander looked past the concrete walls looking back at that little girl, he didn’t know what to say or do, before you could utter another word he left.

Ryan nose picked the meal quickly, glad that it was friday and his dad would let him stay up ‘til late, Homelander just dropped the meal on their new table and the kid was quick on his feet, the food was still warm, only now did Homelander noticed the extras, couple of small containers holding chili oil and freshly made ranch, garlic knots and a lemon meringue pie, it was too much but Ryan hadn’t hesitated to dig in, before Homelander could ask him to wash his hands he had ripped a slice of pepperoni.

“This is so good!” He said so cheerfully– gosh I was starving, dad.”

“I sure hope so, bud… let’s leave the pie for tomorrow…” he looked grossed out, Ryan sat opening up the garlic knot’s containers– not gonna eat?”

Homelander sat down to join him, the thought of touching all those greasy surfaces was making his stomach hurl, but he relented, taking a slice. 

He was young again, and you were there coming back with some drinks as he ate your chicken florentine, this was the same recipe, the chicken was so juicy and the cheese wasn’t greasy. Ryan was shocked to see his father sound so happy as he took another bite.

It was the first time they both ate together where they felt completely comfortable with each other, maybe it was seeing Ryan not pick at his food that made Homelander able to just talk, Ryan told him all about his homework, and the videogame he was playing, he really liked Fifa at the moment even if he himself cared not for the sport.

Helena watched as her mother stood silently hovering above the sink, you hadn’t moved much for a couple of minutes, your daughter more annoyed than anything else regarding this display.

“How do you know Homelander?” she asked with a yawn.

“Huh?” you woke up from your trance– you should be in bed, darling.”

“You too. So… How do you know the clown?”

“Honey, don't say that!”

“He walks around wearing a onesie all day… like a clown… like the rest of those super clowns”

Your daughter always spoke with a creepy maturity, her voice didn’t belong to a kid.

“... He used to be my boss… he was a really bad boss…”

“You used to work for Vought?” She softened her stand.

“Honey… I don’t really want to talk about this… it's late and we are going to the museum tomorrow so you should get some sleep, mommy is just tired… hope you had a good birthday.”

“You should rest too, mother.”

Your daughter's eyes glowed momentarily turning th blinkers off before she made her way to bed, you stared at her door, thinking if she could see you.

No mother should think their child was creepy, Helena was just difficult and abrasive, to be a small kid with her brain must be unbearable. You could recall the moment she asked you about V so vividly, she looked angry, but you had no honest answer to give her, you had to lie, god knows if you got the details right about how these people committed these crimes. Helena simply had no ability to relate to people, and without the funds you couldn’t help her meet her potential, not while you were both stuck living in public housing, not while scraping every penny.

Her few friends forced her to dumb down and even they found her uneasy, only the old people seemed to handle her best, she loved to listen, and her teachers always thought of her as  a delight, yet she knew no other Supe beside herself, those pageants were expensive, and networking meetings were hard to get in, talent agencies were costly– having a super-abled kid and trying to make them into a Supe was locked behind a massive paywall, all you could hope was that her genius would let her enter a university early on scholarships.

There was always Godolkin, but god knows if they would let her enter at a young age.

It would be easy if her father was involved, if John was there in her life, she would have the world but he didn’t want her, he had made that clear years ago.

So why did he lie about the V? 

It had been two weeks since you seen Homelander, but he saw you a lot, he'd come back and forth-- watching you and the child with ardent curiosity, seeing you made him reminisce, of those many nights and afternoons, of the way no matter how tired you were, you always made sure to look happy when he showed up, the way you looked so at peace while cooking, of the feel of your skin against his and the taste of your precious lips as you kissed him good morning. 

He followed you, on your only day off as you took Helena around the city, watching you share a slice of overprice cake while taking notes, and ate cheap chinese for lunch, you waited for two hours as Helena played chess and checkers with some oldies at a chess shop, some russian man gave her lessons-- some of these people dressed nicely perhaps pros. Some won over her and some lost but the games were quick, your daughter seemed happier when she loss than when winning.

Something about that didn’t sit well with Homelander.

Somehow he found himself in your apartment, cracking open the window to sneak in while you headed back home– the tiny apartment felt more like a closet than a habitable space, the ceilign was run down, and the appliances ancient but well kept, your bedroom was simple, cooking books and boxes sat on top of your dressers, a single’s bed with plush comforters and pillows stuck against the wall, with a wardrobe in front of it, and a cheap fan tucked in the corner. He left for your daughter’s room just a few feet away divided by the bathroom were most of the clutter and laundry lived, her bedroom was just as plain, but the books didn’t seem fit for a small child, her desk tidy and organized, he picked up a notebook from the pile, seeing math equations that hurt his eyes within seconds. All her stuff were nice and new, she had a decent computer on top of her bed, an old dresser, but there was an absence of toys– compared to Ryan’s bedroom that was filled with anything he wanted and decorated expertly. A clock adorned her walls but not much else, the few things that looked messy was a tiny plastic chess set, the kind with magnets on the bottom, and some DIY stem kits.

He took to the bathroom, it was old and falling apart, mold was growing in the corner much to Homelander’s disgust, trolley held dozens of beauty stuff and shampoos and detergents, a shelf on the wall held towels and toilet rolls. Homelander looked at a sparkly hairbrush, picking a couple strands of lost hair knowing by their lengths and color that they weren’t yours, and cursing himself for doing this as he place them on small plastic bag he had hid in his glove.

[meemoop]

I HAD THE WEIRDEST DREAM ABOUT YOU!!! So, in my dream, I was checking through your blog, and apparently you stopped posting Harry Potter and Drarry fanart and started posting art of your oc’s (which, you apparently had in my dream) I was so confused so I asked you if you were ever going to draw anymore Harry Potter fanart or if you just fell out of interest, basically what happened. And oml, you responded with a hate answer 💀✋ I forgot exactly what you said but you were calling me slurs and shit 💀💀💀 I remember waking up and fucking dying of laughter 🤣 So yea, not an ask but just a funny story 😭😭😭

NAWWW WHAT?!?!?!? I JUST BOUGHT A $300 HARRY POTTER TAPESTRY SO I DONT THINK IM FALLING OUT OF INTEREST 😭 NO but I had a dream about my blog last night too!! My sister found my blog (she doesn’t know of it irl because she’s judgy—she’s a cool girl but I love her anyway) and was judging me big time and so I left TUMBLR?!?!??? WHY ARE WE HAVING SIMILAR DREAMS STOPP 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ BYE. Also, I would never call you slurs 🥹🥹 even if you paid off my student loans and asked me to, I would never you silly goose 🙈 (silly goose is not a slur I promise)

[killerandhealerqueen]

It's Love Letters Night! Send love and positivity to some of your favorite writers and bloggers!

@hyperbolicgrinch Jaz!!! You truly are my hype woman no matter the fandom and I am so grateful to have met you when Killer and Healer was airing because honestly, you really brighten up my day. Also, I really like your writing, even though we may not be in the same fandoms, and starting the ✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨ with you and Holly was so much fun

@theotherwhybietoldmeso Holly! My beloved! I know we only became friends this year but I am so grateful to have met you! You and Jaz are truly like the MVPs for dealing with me during this time of f1 hyperfixation (which I love, don't get me wrong) and hearing your nice feedback in the tags is always something to look forward to. Also, your fic ideas are so interesting and diverse and I love seeing the different fandoms you write for because of our ✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨

@clawbehavior Claw! My beloved! I know we're no longer in the same fandom, but it's always so fun to read your meta and tags and also see what sort of fanfictions you can come up with just from a simple post, drawing, or gifset. Your mind works a lot like mine creatively so it's so cool to see how your fics/ideas for fics come together and I'm always honored whenever you tag me in your fic ideas or come to me for advice with your fics. Truly so glad we met

@ahhhnorealnamesallowed Billie!!! Thank you for always being my sounding board for whenever I need someone to talk to about my fics because it's so easy to bounce ideas back and forth with you and you're always willing to be my second pair of eyes whenever I'm just fucking done with a fic. Also, thank you for always encouraging my ideas and for thinking that they're not too ambitious (because sometimes I worry that they are). So grateful to have met you when Killer and Healer was airing

@fourth-quartet Took! I know we really don't share fandoms anymore but it's always a delight to see you on my dash talking about things you're passionate about. Also, I really love your writing and will always support you in whatever you decide to write. I'm so glad we became friends when TDJ was airing

@kpopfantasywriter Jiejie! I know I haven't really come to you with fic ideas like I used to, but it's always so much fun to brainstorm fic ideas with you and it's always fun to read your little snippets that you sometimes post to the discord (I'm also very honored to be an OC in your fic, it's a lot of fun). Thank you for always sending me fic ideas/prompts and talking about fics with me, both on here and in the discord. I don't remember when we met but I'm really glad we became friends and have the relationship that we do

@dangermousie Mousie! I know you're not a writer but my god are you one of my favorite bloggers, I love your meta on different dramas and I feel like I'm watching them through you, which is a lot of fun because I get exposed to dramas that I would never actively seek out myself. Your commentary is also so fucking funny and makes me snort because I'd probably be saying the same damn thing too

@seonghwacore Ann! My baby! I know you don't write as much anymore but you are one of my favorite gifmakers and calling you my friend and my baby is like...just everything. Your gifsets for Killer and Healer were (and still are) legendary and your skills have only improved for Ateez and I'm proud to watch you grow. You're doing great, sweetie!

@nineninepetals Nine! I know you're not online as much anymore, but you deserve to be on this list and get this notification because I need you to know that you were and still are one of my biggest Killer and Healer cheerleaders and getting comments in my inbox both on here and on ao3 from you with a full on book report of your reaction to my fics is just...everything. I miss you and hope you are doing well and just know that I'm always thinking of you and I hope you come back to us one day

@marulo Maru! I also know that you're not online as much anymore, but I just wanted to let you know that I love you and miss you and hope you're doing well. You were also one of my biggest cheerleaders for my Killer and Healer fics and were always so supportive. I hope you're doing well and please just know that I miss you and I hope you come back to us one day

@evil-moonlight Jin! Of course you're on this list too! You're always so supportive of my fics and you're also just my biggest cheerleader in general and I really really appreciate you. Your writing is also super good and I hope you write more because damn girl you made feel things

@tytangfei Jina! The one who got me into Killer and Healer! Thank you for doing that, honestly, because that drama truly has changed my life and writing fanfiction for them as been both an honor and a dream. Also, your gifsets for Killer and Healer *chefs kiss*. Truly. They're the reason I got into the drama in the first place. Also, your writing...I hope you write more for them because your writing is so good...

@bestbuds55 Dana! I couldn't forget you too! Your writing is so good. I re-read your Killer and Healer fics all the time but have never dabbled into your Hannibal ones so I need to do that because the premises for them sound so interesting so I know I'm in for a treat

@mishathewtf Mish! Can't forget you either! You truly brighten both my dash and the discord both with your hilarious Killer and Healer memes (truly I think I've spat water while looking at them) as well as your other hyperfixations. Also, it's so fun playing those different games with you over discord because 1) they're interesting and something that I'd never actually play on my own and 2) they're just fun to play with others. Also, I have to thank you for being willing to put on LEGO Lord of the Rings over discord to help me calm my super bad anxiety...it really meant a lot and I know I told you at the time, but...I still think about it sometimes and it warms my heart

@sunriseverse Corset! Of course you're on here too! I love talking with you about fics and listening to you rant about your sunrise verse and honestly the work that you put into that thing is just...mind-boggling. It's so cool, honestly. Also, I love your fics for Couple of Mirrors and I'm so glad you wrote them because they are some of my faves (cuz I love that drama). Also, sending fic/writing questions back and forth to you is just so much fun, I love picking your brain about writing

@okifyouinsist Girl, I couldn't forget you. I know we've only been mutuals for such a short time, but you really have become my cheerleader in the f1 fanfic world and that really means a lot that you get so hyped over my little snippets that I post. I hope that our friendship can strengthen and that we'll be friends for a really long time

@friendlynbhddevil Sammy! I know we only became friends recently, but your love for Killer and Healer is almost as unmatched as mine, like we truly match each others freaks when it comes to those boys. I also love seeing you lose your mind over Beyond Evil cuz I too lost mine damn mind over that show...ugh, I'm just so glad we're friends. You really do brighten up my dash

Also, I know there are so many others who I'd love to put on this list, but then I'd practically be listing all of my mutuals so if your name is not on this list, please just know that I love you, I think about you, and you make my life so much better because you're in it

[moanz111]

final round - choi san

🥊 pairing: boxer/fighter!choi san x boxing coach!gn!reader

🥊 genre: angst, fluff, strangers to lovers, dystopian au

🥊 summary: surviving in a city of outlaws has never been easy, with your days filled with emptiness and fear, and your only comfort being the weekly boxing matches in an underground club. but when you accidentally meet san, promising you a new beginning, your whole world is about to turn upside down.

🥊 featuring: biker!hwa; biker!yeosang; boxing coach/manager!wooyoung; cowboy(????)!mingi; oc!jay

🥊 wc: 5.9 k

🥊 warnings/tags: english is not my native language so there can be mistakes; descriptions of fighting/injuries/bleeding; setting is inspired by ateez's lore and the outlaw album (it's not accurate, just took some details from it, terminology can be inaccurate); use of pet names (angel); reader has an older brother; jay (reader's friend) doesn't represent any real person; there can be inaccuracies about boxing (i tried my best); mentions of guns/shooting (no one is harmed!!); repressive government; mentions of loss of family members/friends; reader is a bartender too; descriptions of kissing; lmk if i've missed something

credits for all the used graphics belong to their rightful owners!

🥊 note: happy (late) birthday to one of my favourite artists and people, sannie!

after all, i decided to post this fic even though i'm on a break lmao i feel a little bit more comfortable with posting it now and am doing better! and also i just couldn't wait to share this with you so...

i had so much fun writing this and got so inspired by ateez's album that i just had to do something about it. i'm trying a different genre this time so i hope you enjoy reading it!!

also, i'm super awkward when writing kissing scenes, help.

any form of feedback is greatly appreciated so don't be shy to reblog with your thoughts, comment or send me an ask! it really means a lot to me and keeps me motivated!

Sweat dripped down your forehead, tickling your chin and neck as you gripped tightly the ring ropes, lunging your body forward with excitement. Even though you’d never admit it out loud, the adrenaline running through your veins during the intense boxing matches you attended every weekend made you feel more alive than ever. The way the two boxers threw fierce punches at each other was not exactly abiding by the game’s rules but no one around you seemed to care or even notice. 

Living in a world where tomorrow might never come, these were the only moments you could be your most authentic self without the mask of acquiescence on. This world was sick, filled with horrors and demons, haunting you even in your dreams and watching your every step. However, this world was beautiful too, filled with secretly exchanged hopeful glances and little reasons to look up at the grey sky, praying better days would come. 

What you were doing right now - smiling, screaming, the sole act of feeling was illegal but the thrill that filled your body was something you were willing to risk your life for. You had made your decision a long time ago - the rules didn’t matter to you anymore. 

“A win for Black Serpent,” you heard the referee shout in an attempt to fight the hundreds of voices, drowning his own as the champion threw his red boxing gloves at the public. Blue and purple marks painted his features and his almost closed left eye was swollen but the triumphant grin plastered on his face told you, as usual, his injuries were not one of his problems. 

Such a show-off, you thought when your friend waved at you from the ring, flexing his biceps proudly. It wasn’t surprising to you that he won tonight’s match. During the few years you’d known Jay, you’d never seen him lose. Having been a professional competitor in the past, as he had told you when you first met, the underground club’s matches were his way to escape the harsh reality and remember the good old times. 

Plus, you’d seen the bags full of cash from bets after a successful night. After all, that was why you had become his “accomplice” or as he liked referring to you - his devil accountant. The job was simple enough and you didn’t mind the extra income - working as a bartender at the local bar came with its perks but with the money you made you could never possibly afford a place of your own, neither did it give you the comfort you could run away one day from this awful blackhole. So you gladly kept track of the bets for Jay’s matches and sometimes you even helped him train as you knew a thing or two about boxing yourself.

Tonight was no different. As you pushed your way through the crowd, collecting the bills, you saw a lot of familiar faces who greeted you warmly. At least some of them. Others - weren’t so friendly, swearing and even refusing to give you the money, overcome by anger after losing, but they knew better than to test you. No one wanted Jay’s wrath upon them. 

“I think you forgot about me, angel,” you heard a raspy voice behind you just as you were about to call it a day and go to the locker room where Jay was waiting for you. Turning around, you were, to say the least confused. The man before you wore a grey hoodie over his head, hiding his features, and matching sweatpants, looking nothing like the usual visitors of the fight club. He was tall but muscular - you could see it even though his baggy clothes left much to the imagination. His broad shoulders and confident stance told you he was much more than he led you to believe. Was he another competitor? 

Looking down at his stretched-out hand, you saw a few bills folded in his palm. A cat-like smirk formed on your lips. “Though night for you, huh?” “I don’t like voting in favour of my biggest competition,” the man laughed as you took the money, writing down the amount in your notebook. Jay was going to be pleased with tonight’s profit which meant another celebration for him and another babysitting gig for you. 

However, the stranger’s words made you wonder what exactly his intention was. If he was telling the truth, then why bother betting if Jay was his next match? With his face engulfed in shadows and mystery, his aura alone sent shivers down your spine, alarming you for danger. Taking a step away from the man, you folded your arms before your chest. “What is your deal?”

He tilted his head to one side, regarding you quietly like a predator about to chase his next prey. Closing the distance between you in a matter of seconds, he leaned down to your right ear, whispering softly, his breath hot against your neck, “You’ll find out soon, angel.”

Still in a daze after your encounter with the stranger, you watched him pull away from you, shooting you one last mischievous smirk before diving into the crowd. Shaking your head, you let out a deep sigh. 

Trouble always found its way to you.

The deafening sound of the morning alarm, signaling it was time for everyone to go to work, rang in your ears as you walked to the bar where you worked during the day. The sun was still hiding under the horizon and the sky was painted in a mix of deep blue, purple, and orange. The streets were empty without a single soul in sight except you and the black stray cat that accompanied you every day on your way. It brought you a sense of comfort - to have a small friend by your side in these lonely times of the day. 

Forming genuine connections with other human beings was almost impossible. There were many stories about heartless betrayals, travelling from person to person in this city of outlaws. Today’s friend could easily turn into tomorrow's enemy. However, right now this place was your everything and all you could do is learn how to survive. You’d heard of other faraway cities where people had it way worse than you did and were much more repressed by the titanic power of the Guardians. Sometimes you were even grateful you were surrounded by outcasts and criminals rather than a white sea of masks, pointing guns at your face. 

Here, the inhabitants had found their ways of rebelling right under the government's nose without being noticed and the bar you were currently opening was one of their favourite places to do it. You'd witnessed hundreds of pieces of intel being exchanged for contraband and hundreds of unfulfilled plans for the future dying under the dim yellow lights. Still, no one gave up. That was the only rule everyone followed wholeheartedly - better surrender and lose your life than give up your dreams and hopes and become a dead man walking.

Pushing your thoughts away, you braced yourself for yet another day during which you had to take on the role of the oblivious bartender. Your job was to keep your mouth shut and eyes closed so when you saw one of your regulars enter the building, looking suspiciously around, you almost laughed.

“Good morning, Mingi,” you greeted him leaning on the broom you were swiping the floor with to take a proper look at him. His cowboy boots and hat, the usual, now shabby, long brown coat and the chains dangling at his neck as he walked slowly towards you gave away that he was meeting someone important today. The tall and lean man oozed confidence and threat just by standing and you were glad you were on his good side. 

You'd met Mingi on your very first day as a bartender and quickly developed a soft spot for him. You weren't aware of exactly what he was doing except sitting around with you and being a menace to your boss but there were dozens of wanted posters around the city, including on the wall behind the countertop you mixed beverages on. The portrait drawing sure did him justice and you'd always been perplexed as to how the Guardians hadn't caught him yet. 

In your eyes Mingi was good-natured and considerate, always asking about your day and throwing a joke or two to make you smile but you'd seen his nasty side too. That was why when he pulled out his pistol from his holster belt and placed it on top of the bar as he sat down on his usual spot, you felt shivers run down your spine. 

“Don't worry, Y/N,” said Mingi, turning to look at you with a reassuring smile. If you got paid every time you heard him say this before destroying everything and everyone on his way, you would've been a millionaire. Sighing heavily, you walked over to him to stand behind the bar and took his pistol in your hands. Earning a surprised squeal from the man, you shook your head.

“You're the reason I'm not getting paid, cowboy. The amount of repairs we’ve made in a month is insane.”

“I'm sorry,” Mingi answered with a pout. Your boss wasn't going to be happy he came here again. You could only imagine the old man's smile as he put up these wanted posters. Hell, if he could turn in Mingi himself, he would be on cloud nine. “But be careful and don't shoot anyone.”

“You worry about yourself,” you sighed and pointed behind him. A young man was entering the bar, humming an unknown-to-you melody and carrying a bag over his shoulder. Sunglasses hid his eyes and a grin showed off his dimples. 

“You didn't tell me your friend was such a beauty, Mingi,” the man whistled, eyeing you from head to toe after he removed his glasses, placing them on top of his head. You felt heat burn up your cheeks and you found it hard to hold his intense stare. Now being able to properly look at his face, some sort of recognition passed through your mind but you couldn't wrap your head around where you'd seen him before. 

As the newcomer sat down next to Mingi, you couldn't stifle your laugh this time. They reminded you of a comedic duo from the comic books you used to read as a child, now long gone and turned into ashes, with the newcomer dressed casually in a black and white shirt, the fabric flowing around his body and a few buttons undone, showing his collarbones, and Mingi in his “official” attire with a serious look on his face and furrowed brows. 

“Don't even think of laying a finger on Y/N, Wooyoung,” warned Mingi as your friend took out a white envelope from his coat’s pockets, handing it to the other man. A silent look, holding thousands of words, was exchanged by them before Wooyoung swiftly hid it under his shirt. “We can talk comfortably here. They won't say anything.”

“My lips are sealed,” you made a motion as if you locked them with a key and threw it in Wooyoung’s direction, earning a loud laugh from him.

“I like them. We should recruit them.”

“Absolutely no,” Mingi sternly refused, scolding both of you with a  glance. “Let's talk business now.”

Mindlessly washing the shot glasses and polishing them, you listened to the two men’s conversation, pretending none of what they said was surely granting them a death sentence. The images they described with pretty words and empty promises filled your heart with longing for a distant land where everything you'd ever dreamt of was real. 

Where there existed other sounds - other than your heartbeat and the screeching alarm.

Where you could look up at the sky and see the stars - not the brown clouds of dust and pain.

Where emotions like sorrow and fear were replaced by joy and comfort. 

So you listened and listened until you'd memorised every single sentence, hoping to dream of this new world tonight.

“The others will call for us soon. We just need to wait for a sign,” said Wooyoung, getting up from his seat and stretching his limbs. “San has a match tomorrow so if- no…when he wins, we'll have enough money for the next mission.” 

A match?

A lightbulb lit up at the back of your mind as your memories took you to last night’s events. The stranger's words made much more sense than before and you were pretty sure you'd seen Wooyoung, lurking in the shadows and grinning after Jay’s final victorious blow. Keeping this information to yourself, you remained silent even when Wooyoung gave you a knowing look. 

“His opponent is pretty tough and so is his coach…,” he trailed off, playing with his silver earrings, shimmering under the first morning rays. 

“Good luck then. I'll see you in a week,” Mingi answered, shaking his accomplice’s hand as he too got up to leave. Glancing at you, he placed a few bills on the counter, way too many than needed. “For the special service today.”

“You don't have to-”

“And a bet for Black Serpent.”

“Jerk,” whined Wooyoung, rolling his eyes and earning another warning look from Mingi to whom you returned the pistol you took earlier. “I look forward to our little dance tomorrow, Y/N.”

Giving you a playful wink, Wooyoung took his bag and trailed after Mingi who was already striding to the exit, talking about manners and social norms which you found amusing.

At least, he didn't vandalise property today.

“The underdog vs. the big champion, huh,” Jay hummed as he traced his finger over his opponent's name on the list, placed at the fight club’s entrance. The match was only a few hours away and unable to sleep from excitement, you'd dragged your friend to the ring to practice some extra time. You didn't know what kind of fighter San was but better be prepared than sorry later. The rumors about him going around in the underground club didn’t give you much information either - some said he was ruthless and vicious, others - just a showoff. One thing was sure though - he had an incredible win rate with his name at the top of the rank list at least once a month. 

“Isn't it a bit cocky to call yourself the big champion,” you teased Jay as you pushed him inside the locker room so he could change into his practice clothes. You noticed one other locker was closed and were curious who else would've come here at that time of the day. Only champions and their coaches were allowed in when there wasn't a match. 

“I know my worth, Y/N,” Jay sighed while rolling bandages over his wounded knuckles. The bruises from his last match were still visible on his body and you wondered if they ever healed. You also mentally noted he had cut his hair down to a buzzcut again. He was serious about tonight then. Not that you expected anything different. San was the only person who could challenge him for his title. “I'm not a loser.” 

“Sure, now get up. We have a lot of work to do.”

“Jay, cover-up,” you shouted while monitoring your friend’s warm-up match, feeling your nerves slowly getting to you. You weren't exactly surprised when you found out the other fighter in the club and Jay’s opponent was the stranger you’d met the other night and of course, Wooyoung was his cornerman and manager. 

San’s presence turned coaching Jay into a challenge, unlike any other time. His movements were practiced and calculated, his punches swift and precise. The white tank top he was wearing revealed his toned body and well-defined muscles and made you stare more than to your liking. His sharp features and handsome face mixed with his professionalism were a weapon San used well on the ring since you could see Jay was intimidated probably for the first time. Wooyoung’s annoyingly proud smile didn't help either.

Blood was dripping down San’s chin from a cut, gifted to him by Jay after one of his blows, and sweat formed on his forehead as he counterattacked, delivering a strong punch on your friend's face. Their match resembled a passionate and intimate dance that you weren't supposed to witness. Their pride and skills were on the line. 

“Parry, Jay,” you once again yelled and seconds later the final bell rang, putting an end to their spar before your friend could react, taking a painful hook from San. Getting up from your chair, you went up to the ring and handed Jay a water bottle which he splashed on his face with a groan. You praised yourself for taking your first aid kit before leaving your apartment. If he was so beaten up right now, you didn't want to imagine what both of them were going to look like by the end of the night.

“You sure know a lot about boxing, Y/N,” San said, breathing heavily as he took his gloves off, throwing them at Wooyoung. It was the first time he addressed you directly today and you were taken by surprise when he jumped off the ring, coming closer to you. His face was glistening and his brown eyes were burning with passion you'd never seen before. Sure, Jay enjoyed fighting but you knew it wasn't the same as it used to be for him. San, however, had the eagerness to learn and win as a newbie even though his skills made you believe he was as good as a coach. Maybe even better than most. “Where did you learn?”

“Let's say I'm very observant,” you answered quietly, trying to avert his attention away from you and the topic. Still, the sting in your heart, forming as memories flooded your mind reminded you of the past you were so willing to escape from. You could still smell the distinctive scent of your brother’s gloves. The thrill that came with each victory. The pain that filled your being after leaving your past life behind without looking back. What had even happened with your family and friends? Were they alive? Were they safe?

“I'd call this more than just “being observant”,” Wooyoung joined the conversation, pulling you out of your thoughts. He put his arm around your shoulders, squeezing them tightly and you whined. “We hit the jackpot, San.”

“What do you mean?” 

“We have an offer for you, Y/N.”

The next few months after the official match between San and Jay passed in a daze for you. Someone had to pinch you. Hard.

Wooyoung, you’d realised, was a gambling addict. There wasn't any other logical explanation behind his behaviour. Whatever you did or said, he turned into a bet out of which only one of you could emerge as a winner.

So just like that, after that practice match, he and San had made a proposal that was too difficult to decline and simple enough to follow. If San won, you'd coach him for his next matches and join their small group of outlaws. As they told you - they needed someone competent on their side. If Jay won, you'd go on your way and forget about it. Not that this was possible. 

You would've lied if you’d said you had been surprised when San delivered the final victorious blow that night. Secretly, you had hoped for this turn of events not much to your friend’s liking. While you were patching up his wounded and bleeding face, whispering comforting words, your betraying heart was accelerating with your mind plagued by thoughts of San. 

Today was no different. As you watched San practice his kicks on a punching bag in the fight club, you caught yourself blushing at one of his particularly precise deliveries. Boxing is my thing, I guess, you thought when he halted his movements to drink some water and pulled his tank top over his head, showing off his toned body.

Moments like this were routine for you at this point - just both of you sitting in silence, only his heavy breathing audible - him practicing and you observing. San’s progress was outstanding and this left you jobless - he didn’t need your directions anymore that much. You didn't feel the need to fill the space with small talk or pointless conversations when you were with him and thought of him as someone who had always been part of your life.

Intimidating at first glance, San was, in reality, the kindest person you had ever met. He cared deeply about the people he loved, always making sure to put them first above everything else. He was also thoughtful and considerate - attentive to everyone’s needs and was always there when you needed him the most. San brought you comfort unlike anyone else and you told him things you hadn't even dared before. Your relationship was progressing fast - with a lot of skipped steps, blurring the line between friends and lovers but you didn't mind. Labels weren't needed for you to feel what you did towards him. Not when you had so few opportunities to be together.

You two often daydreamed about this new world he and his friends liked talking about. He wanted to stop fighting - hurting people was what he hated doing the most but their group needed the money desperately. There was no other choice for him but to sacrifice himself every day. San, instead, wanted to build a home for his loved ones and create a safe space for them where they could be together and where he could protect them.

“You can't protect everyone, San”, you had told him the day he shared his plans with you while both of you were sitting on the cold floor of the locker room, shoulder to shoulder. His proximity had your head spinning and you found it hard to focus on his words. San held your hands, tracing circles mindlessly on them, before bringing them to his lips.

“I have to do what I can, though. I can't just give up on any of you,” he had answered, whispering into your skin, goosebumps forming all over your body. Before that, you hadn't considered yourself that important to him and his words made your heart skip a few beats. 

“I know what it feels like…,” The lump in your throat and the painful memories of your family had tears forming in your eyes that you tried blinking away. No point in crying when you didn't have the power to change the past. San brought his big hands to your face, cupping your cheeks, forcing you to look at him, and you tried pulling away. The pity and guilt in his eyes were something you wanted to erase forever. 

“You can't just run away from your demons, Y/N. Sometimes you have to face them.”

So you had wept in his arms, telling him your life's story for the first time and he had brushed every fear, doubt, and pain away with his soft touches and gentle gaze. 

You had grown up in the Outlaw City’s outskirts, in a restricted area where the Guardians’ influence and presence weren't as noticeable. The people were happy - you remembered seeing children playing freely, people reading and drawing and creating with all their might without being disturbed. 

Your parents were ordinary people, working ordinary jobs and living an ordinary life. You and your older brother, however, were nothing like them. The fighting rebellious spirit was something you had no idea who passed down to both of you but you were grateful to whoever ancestor was responsible for it. 

You two always found ways to get into trouble - from stealing a guitar from one of the contraband gangs in the city to compose silly songs to your brother learning how to box only to enter underground tournaments to earn some extra income for your family. He had learned from the older kids a trick or two and you had made it your life's purpose to follow him around until he taught you too. 

You missed those days dearly. The mornings when you would spar together under the blazing sun for hours. The nights when you would go to the restricted area of the city to fight and then run back home with the money you'd made before someone else took it from you. Every day was a game of survival, but you were happy. You had your brother - your only pillar in this dark world.

Until one day everything changed. 

That day, the Guardians had come in groups to your city, taking every child or adult in their way, destroying every last piece of safety. You remembered your last moments with your family before they took them away. Your brother screaming at you to run, your father fighting the white-dressed Guardian, and your mother crying in fear. You had tried saving them but to no avail. At least, you didn't know if they had survived and there was no one you could ask. Five years had passed since. 

You found your new home in Outlaw City where everyone was a runaway like you and where no one would ask where you'd come from. Your only resolve was to pray that your family was safe and sound and that one day you would find them. This time you were more prepared than ever, you were ready to protect them at the price of anything. So as San wiped away your tears with his thumbs, you felt the heavy burden of your past lift itself from your shoulders. 

“I hate myself for leaving them every day, San,” you confess with a shaky voice, trying to calm yourself down. 

“The only thing you could do is survive, angel,” he whispered, putting his hands on your shoulders, and squeezing them. Looking at his bruised face, you reminded yourself that everyone here carried their own scars - both visible and invisible, and your heart hurt even more. “It was the same for me. I had to leave my family behind when I came here so I found a new one. Not that it’ll ever stop hurting any less. All eight of us are the same at heart. We all want the same thing.”

A new world to come, you thought and smiled, thinking of Mingi’s passionate speech from the last time you saw him at the bar. He had told you all about their plans and wanted you to be part of them. To join their found family. 

Now, returning to reality, you regarded San curiously and a little afraid as he came to stand in front of your chair, leaning down to place a kiss on top of your head. Blushing at the affection in his eyes, you cleared your throat, searching for the right words. A week had passed since this moment and none of you had said anything about it so you couldn't help but feel flustered at his every word and action towards you.

“How was I today, coach?” San chuckled, gently tracing the sides of your face with his fingertips, rough from the endless fighting. 

“Could be better,” you gave him your usual response, San grinning and showing his dimples. 

“I have to work harder. But maybe if you stared less...”

“And maybe if you paid less attention to me...”

“That's impossible,” San concluded, crouching down, placing his palms on top of your thighs, and you ran your hands through his messy dark locks. With glinting eyes, he excitedly added, “After tonight’s match some of the boys and I will have a meeting. They want you to come.”

“They?”

“I,” the seriousness in his voice made you let out a laugh and your stomach tightened with anticipation. You had only met Mingi and Wooyoung before with the rest of the boys surrounded by a mist of mystery, with only having heard stories about them. The fact that San was letting you get closer to the people he cherished the most didn't help your fluttering heart either.

“Can't wait.”

San had dragged you out of the fight club and drove you to your apartment to freshen up before meeting the boys with his old van that, who knew how, still functioned. As he had told you while focused on the bumpy road ahead, the vehicle had turned into, both a prison and a temporary home for him and Wooyoung while they were on the run from the Guardians. Guilt washed over you when San described all of their sleepless nights, fighting the demons following them right behind even in their dreams while you were hiding between the four walls of the safety of your home. Mingi’s wanted posters, his constant cautiousness, and the silver pistol always attached to his hip made so much more sense now. 

Unfortunately, the Guardians had taken notice of them way too early into their secret operations against the government, and now as you were sitting in front of the boys - their features, illuminated by the dim lighting of the storage house you were in, your heart filled with hurt. In the few hours, you got to know Yeosang and Seonghwa, speeding through the highways every night in search of valuable intel and doing all they could to survive another day, your admiration grew with every next moment spent with them. 

Sitting on one of your favourite fluffy blankets on the floor in a circle, eating an improvised dinner consisting of cold chicken nuggets provided by Yeosang, you felt more at home than ever. Mingi and Wooyoung’s silly bickering and friendly teasing, Seonghwa’s warm welcome, Yeosang’s kind smile, and San’s calming presence next to you, filled you with joy, and for the first time in a while, you forgot about the outside world.

“It’s a pity the others couldn’t come today,” said Seonghwa with a sigh as he passed on to you the chocolate bar all of you were sharing. You hadn’t seen one in ages, nor tasted it. Yeosang had just shrugged indifferently earlier at your genuine surprise, telling you he could get one inside the city for you anytime you craved it. 

So now playing with the piece in your mouth, letting the sweetness tickle your taste buds, you hummed in agreement. The rest of the group had to stay undercover for a little longer before joining you. “They would’ve loved to meet you, Y/N.”

“They will,” San joined, squeezing your hand and rubbing his thumb over it. Turning your head to look at him, you were met with his dark eyes, shimmering with a glow as if hundreds of stars were in them. You slowly found yourself being pulled by the gravity of his gaze, unable to look away. 

“Now, can you two not do this,” whined Wooyoung, earning a playful slap on his thigh from Seonghwa, followed by Mingi and Yeosang’s laughs. “I have to put up with you every day at the club. I’m going to start vomiting rainbows soon.”

“Get a life, Woo,” said Mingi, winking at you. Usually, you could fight back and tease Wooyoung but tonight, embarrassment washed over you after his words. “Leave the lovebirds alone.”

Just then, still holding your hand firmly, San pulled you up gently so now both of you were standing. “Then let’s get out of here.”

The distant hooting of owls, coming deep from the woods, the light chilly late-night breeze, carrying the smell of pines, and San’s warm touch against your skin engulfed your senses, making your head spin. With your eyes closed, all you could do was trust the man as he guided you through the darkness around you. 

“Can I open my eyes,” you asked once again with your previous attempts to get a positive answer out of him being unsuccessful. His deep chuckle vibrated through your body, his hand letting go of yours. Longing for his touch again, you reached forward for him but only brushed through the air. 

“I’ve got you, angel,” San’s raspy voice now came from behind you and you felt him put his hands on your shoulders. “You can open them now.”

The view before your eyes made you tear up and a lump formed in your throat, every word you wanted to utter getting caught up in it. The little fireflies, swinging around in a slow dance around you, their comforting glow, reminding you of those you used to catch in the hot summer nights in front of your childhood house with your brother, the vast field you were standing in the middle of, and the tickling in your legs from the overgrown grass were all images and sensations you thought you’d never see or feel again for the rest of your life.

“How did you find this place,” you whispered, too afraid someone would take this moment away from you. 

“It’s my special place. I think the Guardians have forgotten about it,” said softly San, moving to stand in front of you with a warm smile on his face. “Now I can finally share it with someone else.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Yes, whenever I need to clear my head,” he trailed off, laughing. “And some time away from Wooyoung. The van can be suffocating as much as I enjoy living with him.”

You wondered if this beautiful place was next on the Guardian’s list for destruction. If you’d be able to come back ever again. If it too would disappear with every trace you’d left.

“You’re frowning again,” San’s voice pulled you out of your trance, making you focus on him instead. His face was almost indiscernible in the night, but his eyes and the silver chain, shining around his neck, were illuminated by the moonlight. “You do this often.”

“I guess I’m not used to things like this.” Genuine in a world full of lies. “I feel like you’ll disappear.”

Taking a step closer to you, San put a finger under your chin, your eyes finding his once again. The electrifying feeling of his touch made you dizzy. Now, you could hear his steady heartbeat, with yours drumming in your ears. “I’ll never leave you, angel.”

The moment his lips found yours, enveloping them in a soft kiss, you lost all of your senses and surrendered yourself to him. At first, his touch was gentle as if San was afraid he would hurt you, but once your hands found his neck, your fingers toying with his hair, he got more desperate for you. His own trailed slowly down the sides of your body, wrapping them around your waist and pulling you closer to him. Already out of breath, you felt a fire ignite in your soul that only San could put out. 

He left your lips only to place a few shy kisses down your neck, your heart picking up its rate, slamming against your ribcage. Leaving you gasping and wanting more, San pulled away seconds later, the love and adoration you saw in his eyes making you lose your bearings completely. Cupping your cheeks and bringing his face closer, he rubbed your nose gently with his before placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“The final round is coming soon, Y/N,” he murmured when you closed the distance between you, hugging him around his waist and burrowing your face at the crook of his neck. You took in his scent - woody and musky, hypnotizing you. “We’ll see the new world together.”

Even if that was just an empty promise and even if this new world never came to life, you didn’t care.

All you needed was San there with you - everything else was bearable.

final round, © moanz111

please do not modify, copy, repost, or translate.