#remembered i had a tumblr account expect 100 posts this week then nothing for 3 months!!!

[half-rat-half-man]

YCH!!!!! only $10 USD for this puppy to be your character!!

[tatertotthethot]

The Doms Next Door 2.0

THIS IS A TEMPORARY REUPLOAD FOR THIS CHAPTER CUZ TUMBLR IS RAN BY A BUNCH OF BOTS. 2.1 HERE

Warnings/AN: frequent, casually cursing; comical, gay Jimin; insecure reader; steamy flirting; tattoo/sexualized Tae 🙃. Enjoy~ (TAEKOOK EDIT ABOVE IS ARTKOOK DONE BY NONCONMAN ON INSTAGRAM)

copyright © 2018 all rights reserved

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Your tires came to a stop outside of the tattoo shop you've seen online— a brick building, covered in spray paint and street-style art. A sign buzzed over the awning of the entrance doors, with the built-in UV lights and graffiti-styled font displaying the name of the place in neon-red letters. Kink For Ink! The name alone was what first caught your attention last week, when you Googled "Tattoo shops near me" and it pulled up a list, with "Kink For Ink" being the first option. It just seemed so uncanny and fitting at the time, considering the previous run-in you just had with the sex-crazed neighbors a couple nights before. You couldn't help but to click the link to their Instagram.

A profile came up with 53.4k followers, which immediately blew your mind... but you quickly saw why. Every tattoo and piercing, no matter the body-placement, skin-type, or quirky design, was vividly appealing— certainly done by the articulate hands of certified experts. Even in the comments of the piercings that were posted, people were praising them for the "minimal" amount of pain they experienced, despite the fact that some of piercings were done in places you couldn't even fathom the thought of having a needle jammed through.

It said in the bio that the shop is owned by the two artists that work there— Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. You couldn't find out much about them, all their pictures showed was their work. You even went back to search for a personal account of their own, but nothing came up. You then went back to the bio and clicked a link to the official website, hoping to find out something, but you were met with a disclaimer rule at the top that automatically deemed your chances of even getting your piece done by them, slim-to-none.

• No walk-ins allowed.

• Every request/idea must be sent in through the DMs of our Instagram page. You will only be accepted only if it spikes our personal interests.

Yikes; You were instantly discouraged by this. The piece you wanted was something so common and cliché, that you actually got the image out of a child's coloring book.... It was the cartoon layout of the glass vase and enchanted rose, from the Beauty and the Beast movie. Cheesy, yes. But it was something of personal, nostalgic value. You remember when you were little— roughly around 3 or 4 years of age— when your parents started fighting and would spend all day screaming and throwing things at each other, putting you in a constant state of anxiety. But then you'd go to bed at night and pop the VHS tape, and the movie never failed to put you in a peaceful state of mind— a hopeful one. It's remained as your all-time favorite love story throughout the years. Which, is ironic, considering that the relationship itself was different, but almost as dysfunctional as your parent's. However, the fact that even the Beast was capable of change, and everything wound up so perfect and happy in the end, makes your heart happy. And even now, at age 19, it still puts you in your feelings. The previous remake of a movie is what actually inspired you to get the enchanted rose as a tattoo, after seeing it in 3D not too long ago. But you're only willing to shell out up to $200 for it, at most. You've just started college, and even though Jimin's parents own the house and let the two of you live there, rent free, you're still responsible for half the utility bills from month to month. Blowing every bit of money you have saved up, right at the start of the semester, would just be irresponsible. But $200 was manageable, and you're looking for anything that'll give you a little extra "oomph" to break you out of this introverted shell you've always known. Pushing it off would just delay it, and you were ready for change. The nose piercing you want is just a small little thing that'll hopefully add a bit of flare to the features of your face. These two guys could probably do the piercing/tattoo with a blindfold on and a hand tied behind their back. So, if it meant that you'd be able to get these things done in confidence, without having to worry about the outcome, you figured it wouldn't hurt for you to at least ask, even if they straight-up ignore you. So, after spending an unnecessary amount of time overthinking the wording of your text, you finally constructed a message in your notes and DM'd it to business page, after sending them a small, simple outline of the cartoony rose, and pressed send.

• You: Hello! I've been wanting to get this tattoo done for a very while now, and was hoping one of you will be willing to do it for me... along with piercing my nose? I know it's a very mediocre and cliché piece, and a nose piercing can be done anywhere. But I'm new to the area and I've never gotten a tattoo/piercing done before and I haven't really checked out any other places either because I found this page first. And from what I can see, you guys are pretty efficient and CRAZY talented. So, I trust it'll get done right.... only if you want to! I'm willing to pay $200 for this, but if it costs that much for just the outline I've sent then that's fine as well. But I understand if neither of you want to do it cuz that is really cheap compared to the ones I've seen lol. But either way, thx for ur time 😁

A few minutes went by and you had just unlocked your phone to check the message again, when the word "seen" popped below the message. You held your breath for a second— but seconds turned to minutes, and time went by with no reply, what-so-ever. You figured maybe you sounded a little too immature to take seriously; kind of like a prepubescent 12-year-old asking someone out for a dance... and you blew it. Which was disappointing, but predictable. So fuck it. Maybe it's a sign; you shouldn't get it after all.

11pm rolled around, many hours later. You were now hiding beneath your covers, beginning your "amateur threesome" exploration on PornHub. You were ready to see what this whole "2 guys, 1 girl" thing was all about. But just when you were about to type it into the search bar, you were interrupted by an Instagram notification dropping down from the top of your screen.

"KinkForInk sent you a message."

You audibly gasped, eyes turning to saucers as you clicked on the notif and switched over to the Instagram app.

• KinkForInk: Hi (Y/N). This is Tae, one of the artists of the shop. The tattoo you sent in is worth roughly $100... but I want to run an offer by you in hopes that you'll be interested.

— Your brows scrunched in oddity, stomach fluttering. An offer? For you?

• You: Okay, sure. What's that?

• KinkForInk: I've been looking for someone willing to showcase the custom design I've come up with, specifically for a much more... exclusive version of the Beauty and the Beast tattoo you sent. And if you'd be down for letting me and my partner put it on you, it'll be free. No charge. BUT you'll also have to sign a contract saying that you'll do a little bit of modeling for us once it's done. You think you'd be in to doing something like that, even if you get it?

— Your head spun for a second, reading the message over and over again until you could fully wrap your mind around what he was saying.

• You: Hold on... YOU wanna put a tattoo on ME so that I model for you? And it's FREE? Are you sure about this? I'm not even model material lol.

• KinkForInk: Yes, yes, and yes, you are. You'd be perfect for this.

• You: How do know that? Is it a face tattoo? Cuz I only have 6 selfies on here and you can't see anything past my shoulders.

—"Seen" came up as soon as you hit send, but a couple of minutes rolled by with no reply to the message, nor was he even typing. Maybe you came off a little rude. But it was already sketchy and it was a logical question.

— An image suddenly popped up: a screenshot of your Facebook profile. Then another— and much to your horror, it was the photo Jimin tagged you in last week, when the two of you were swimming at a local community pool. You were wearing a simple two piece, sitting at the foot of the lawn chair Jimin was also sitting in, as his legs were visible on either side of you and his lap was practically framing your ass. The photo was at an upward angle and looked so scandalous— but really, you had just asked Jimin to put sun screen on your back and he didn't want to stand up because the pavement was too hot against his bare feet. But you actually liked the picture at the time; it was just a silly joke and your ass actually looked quite nice from that angle. Plus, everyone knows nothing sexual actually goes on between the two of you, for obvious reasons. But Taehyung doesn't, so you couldn't help but dreadfully cringe when you saw the caption of the screen shot.

"Babymama 💦🍆"

• KinkForInk: Is this you??

• You: Yes, that's me. The caption is a joke tho... pay no mind to that. But this is like, really happening? You really think it'd look good on me?

— Why that picture though? You couldn't help but wonder.

• KinkForInk: Yes. Like I said, you're perfect for this piece. Are you down to at least see what the tattoo will look like? We don't expect you to be experienced with modeling or anything, but if you listen to us and cooperate, you'll do just fine.

• You: Yes I wanna see, and I'll do the best I can if I decide to get it... I'm just a bit shy, is all.

• KinkForInk: You'll be in good hands. I promise.

• You: Okay... are you going to show me??

• KinkForInk: Can't send it over a message, I don't want it plagiarized or the concept stolen. But the piece itself isn't necessarily crazy or anything, just more creative. I'd be more than happy to show you at my shop some day this week, if you'd be willing to swing by.

• You: Yeah, I can do that. When should I come?

• KinkForInk: Are you available after 5 tomorrow?

• You: I am, I get off at 4:30.

• KinkForInk: Great. Be here by 5:30, and make sure you've eaten in case you like the piece and wanna get started. It's pretty big for a first timer and gonna take a lot of time and patience. It'll have to be done in sessions but I hope you have a fair enough pain tolerance to at least get the outline of it done first.

— It can't be any worse than a bikini wax, you thought, shivering at the memory. That a story for another time. You decided on an alternative scenario.

• You: I give blood from time to time... but that's easy and doesn't really hurt that much. I think I can handle it though... maybe. I honestly don't know lol, I'm sorry 😣. But I can try my best. Can I ask where it's supposed to go?

• KinkForInk: That's okay, I'll work with you. It's supposed to go down the middle of your back. Starts between the center of your shoulder blades, and trails down the length of your spine to your lower lumbar. You'll see how it looks once we transfer a template on your back. But if you don't like it, there will be no hard feelings from my end. I can still do the tattoo you want if that's the case, free of charge just for your time.

• You: Oh no, you don't have to do that! I'd still pay!

• KinkForInk: Not if I don't accept your money. Trust me, I'm not worried about it. The nose piercing is gonna be $30 regardless, though. JK isn't so lenient.

• You: Of course. Will I have to take my shirt and bra off for the tattoo?

• KinkForInk: Yes, and for the pictures once it's done.

— Your mind blanked at that; thumbs froze over the keypad. He was typing again.

• KinkForInk: Don't let that discourage you. Again, you're in good hands. You can bring something to cover your chest. And the pics will be if your back as well.

• You: Okay, I can handle that. So 5:30 tomorrow?

• KinkForInk: Yes, please don't flake on us!

• You: Lol, I won't. I'll be there.

"They're gonna knock us the fuck out and sell our organs to the black market," Jimin declared. He had parked next to you outside of the shop, and was now sitting in the driver seat of his car with his door locked and windows all the way up, refusing to get out. You were standing right outside his door, still having to talk on the phone. "And is this Tae-guy an AllState representative or something?"

Jimin is petty. You wanted him here for moral support— which he's usually reliable for— but this time, he's just plain salty right and doing everything he can to remind you of that. Reason is, he's been begging you to get a matching tattoo with him ever since your 18th birthday, and you've always refused because of what he wanted to get.

Cupcakes. Jimin wanted to get matching cupcake tattoos... in honor of Cupcakke the legend. Sorry, but H E L L no.

You rolled your eyes, growing frustrated. He only has enough time to pop in and confirm that these two aren't gonna kill you, and then he's gotta head home to get ready for work. You were already supposed to be in there. It was 5:33pm, 3 minutes past the time.

"Jimin, you're the one that insisted on coming along! And now you're making me late!" you ranted. "I'm going in without you."

"Hold your horses, hoe! I'm finishing my blueberry slushie," He retorted, sassily bringing the straw to his mouth and loudly slurping it into the phone. He then abruptly flinched away from the straw with a disgusted expression, nostrils flared, body locking up; lips drawing into an air-tight knot that was so extreme and unnatural, it caused an ugly snort to break out of your nose.

He smacked his lips in exaggeration to the taste, face falling back into stone as an eyebrow arched over the top of his aviators; unamused and saltier than before... Like you were at fault for that, too.

"Or... Blueberry-ass, I should say."

That forced another giggle out of you as Jimin stiffly rolled his window down, phone still pressed to his ear and eyes still scowling at you behind the inspector shades. He bit down on the straw and withdrew it with his teeth before dumping the dark-blue contents of the drink out of the window, making it a point to shake the styrofoam cup empty of every drop before tossing it over his shoulder and into back seat. He then spat the straw out of his mouth with an audible "PLUUUUH!" of a French accent, and waited until the window rolled all the way up again, just so he could hang up the phone. You scoffed at this as you shoved your phone back into your pocket, scornfully watching Jimin exit the car and slam the door behind him. He snatched his glasses off his face as his cotton-candy hair swayed in the breeze, revealing his scornful eyes right back at you as he gestured for you to lead the way in exasperated manner— as if you were the one wasting his time now.

"Go on, lead us to the grave," He shooed, a snippy little shit. You sauntered away, walking up the side of the shop, then paused just before reaching the glass entrance door, when you remembered how much of a coward you are. You've never even stepped into a parlor before, and supposedly, this was a famous one. Which makes it more and more surreal when you think about it.

"Are we doing the mannequin challenge now? Is that what we're doing?" Jimin sardonically inquired.

"You go first, I'm nervous!" You whisper-hissed.

"You don't want me to go in there first— I'll show out," he reasoned, simply stating a fact.

"Please don't," you whined.

"Then, again, I'll show out?" He reiterated, as if to say duh. "How else am I supposed to break the ice? I look like Timmy Turner's Fairy-Gay- Parent."

You gave him a wary look... he's right. You sighed, slightly kicking your foot in distracted defeat. Fuck, you hated making an entrance to new places—

"Hold up— is that Drake?" Jimin suddenly blurted, holding his hand up to silence you. You honed in on the muffled track playing from behind the glass door, and Jimin's face soon light up like a Christmas tree before he spun around you, unstoppable.

"Jimin, NO—!"

"KIKI, DO YOU LOVE ME—?!"

It was already too late. The door was flying back behind him as he Milly-Rocked his way into the shop, leaving you no choice but the chase in behind him.

"—ARE YOU RIDING? SAY YOU'LL NEVA-EVA LEAVE FROM BESIDE ME— hello there."

You were panting, coming to a stop right behind Jimin, where you instantly latched on to the back of his shirt as you met the face of the man behind the studio counter. And, as corny as this is gonna sound: the world actually stilled for a solid beat... or maybe you were in the verge of cardiac arrest.

A pair of glossy-Black eyes looked up at the two of you; A series of silver-studded earrings trailed along the outer cartilages, peaking out beneath a head of soft, layer-swept hair. It was a Carmel-tinted blonde in color— thick and shaggy, and neatly spilling in waves around a headband that proudly sported a high-dollar brand-name you've never seen anyone wear in person before. G U C C I, it read— Meaning that the headband alone was probably worth more than some of your college text books, put together. It sat just a few inches above a pair of dark brows, that oddly brought out the shape of his cat-like eyes— irises like polished marbles. His ample lips had a sharp, well-defined Cupid's-bow, and a natural shade of pink that fit the porcelain appearance of his melanin-kissed complexion, to the finest degree.

And here you are, looking like an actual bum. You had just enough time to clock out of work and head straight over here to make it in time. You didn't even have any makeup on, and the only thing hiding your raggedy hair from those captivating eyes is your old baseball cap from high school. It took a second for him to take the bold presence that was Park Jimin— who was also frozen to the spot as he openly checked the guy out. He was hunched over the counter, a v-neck hoodie covering the rest of him with a thin, loose-fitting material. It was Black and allowed a full visual of his tan neck, and prominent collar bones. And it certainly didn't hide the fact that he had a pair of wide-set shoulders, either. A pencil sat in his hand— one that was laced with masculine veins, and lot of decorative ink. There was a silver ring on his thumb.. and a very heavy-looking Rolex watch.

The man cracked a grin at Jimin— a boxy one that dimpled in at the corners.

"Love the hair," he humorously began, twisting a quirky eyebrow at Jimin. You subconsciously snagged the bill of your hat as your eyes went a little wide at how mature the man's voice was.

"Love the watch," Jimin retorted, then reached around and gripped you by the wrist before pulling you into full view beside him. "You wouldn't happen to be Taehyung...?"

"Mhm," the man hummed, absentmindedly moving his wrist at the mention of his watch. His eyes cut over to you, and you swore you could see a minuscule reflection of yourself in his eyes, before they flashed back at Jimin and blinked. "You must be the babydaddy?"

Blood rushes to your ears. It's really him... a guy who looks like a high-dollar model himself, asking you to be his canvas model. Your own conscious didn't even know what to say right now. So you stayed quiet and still as Jimin took charge... which was a mistake.

"She wishes, but no. I'm the best-friend— and a gay one, at that," Jimin replied, and you knew he did that for his benefit. Thot. "I'm just here to make sure you're not gonna sacrifice her to Satan, or anything of that nature. I need her around in case I ever forget the Netflix password."

Taehyung chuckled at that, mouth opening to reveal a row of teeth shinier than Chip Skylark's. But then, you caught something behind his teeth that caused your gut to leap. A silver ball... a tongue ring. Your thoughts clouded over for a second.

"Well, I can assure you, she's safe with me," he said, looking over at you again. You blinked, nothing more. His brow arched at your lack of response, but this time, it was done more handsomely as he was still smirking at you. "Still, you don't look too thrilled to be here... You sure you wanna do this?"

"She's just nervous because you're really fucking hot," Jimin announced, unyielding. "You should feel how sweaty her hand is."

"Don't listen to him— I'm gay too," You lied in panic, trying to defend yourself from the absolute truth Jimin spoke just then. You snatched your hand away from him and jutted a finger at the door, eyes beading and lid twitching as your nerves ran amuck. "Goodbye, Jimin."

"She's a lonesome hetero," Jimin told Taehyung, assuring him with a face that showed no bluff. "One look at her camera roll, and you'd see for yourself—" You were yanking him away by the arm now, in a tug-of-war game that Jimin obviously could've won if he really wanted to. But he figured you suffered enough and eventually let you drag him out of the shop, waving bye to Taehyung before turning to look at you with beading eyes.

"I think he wants to fuck you— text me as soon as you can," Jimin uttered with unmoving lips as before he walked to his car. You stopped for a second, noticing he was actually being serious. How could he possibly think that he wants to fuck you, just from that small encounter? And what is the odd sensation currently coiling in your stomach? Things grew awkward again when you re-entered the shop, coming to a stand at the same spot... only alone now. He was still amused, it seemed. And so calm and cool despite this odd, intense look in his eyes. It gave him a Casanova effect, where all he had to do was give you that look and it'd instantly make you blush.

"He seems like a fun person to be around," he noted, somewhat honestly, but more so making fun of the red-hot appearance of your face.

"He's a pain in the ass," you muttered, trying to conjure up a smirk but hardly even able to speak properly from how dry your mouth was. It felt like there was a white-hot iron expanding in your throat. "I'm really sorry about him."

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're here— thought you'd chicken out." You nervously wiped your clammy palms over the back pockets of your jeans as Taehyung got up from the barstool behind the counter and approached you on the other side of it, a whole head-and-a-half taller than you. He was wearing black cardigan jeans and matching combat boots.. his headband and jewelry the only thing not black on him. And oddly enough, he made it look fucking fantastic.

"Mh-mm," You hummed, not trusting your voice. You've never needed a sip of water so bad in your life— he even smelled expensive.

"Well, It's very nice to meet you," he formerly began, and you mustered up the normality of placing your (dried) hand into his much larger one, as he held his out to you in greeting. And boy, was he close. So close that the heels of your spine itches to lean back from the proximity.

"It's nice to meet you, too. I'm really sorry if I'm acting weird. I'm just nervous." — Your mind struggled to stay focused on your words, arm tensing at the skin-to-skin contact. You were extra-effected by the firmness in his grip. You really wanted to look down at all the bold ink you saw dashing across the veiny surface of his tanned hand, or see if those were images or scripted letters on the knuckles of lengthy fingers... But you were held captive by those God-blessed eyes... And that fucking tongue ring. It was infecting your head in ways that weren't necessarily healthy for your current state of mind, as you saw it peering in and out at certain words.

"And physically shaking," Taehyung pointed out, brows twitching down at your trembling hand in his as if he was concerned for it. But his smirk gave off an odd sense of fascination to the involuntary symptom, like it was cute or something? Hm. He glanced back up at you, causing your dehydrated throat to bob as his other hand came to clasp over the rest of yours, swallowing it completely from the wrist down. "Intimidated?"

"V-Very," you spluttered, a small slither of saliva copulating down your throat as you looked back up at him. He absentmindedly rolled his tongue ring over the button row of his teeth as he watched you with tainted eyes— undoubtably getting cocky with that damn grin of his and proudly teasing you about your reaction to him. It gratified the effortless sex-appeal he had. You were even beginning to imagine that tongue ring elsewhere, and you literally just met him. Then, as you felt the band of a ring move along with the pad of his thumb as gently ran it across your trembly knuckles, chills shot up all the way to your shoulder. Oh... oh wow. You glanced down at his knuckles on reflex this time, and saw a four-letter word scripted in black ink across the bottom row of his knuckles, and another word scripted on the middle section of his fingers. A silver band on his naked thumb. STAY TRUE, it said.

"And why's that?"

"I.. feel like you're a celebrity," you sheepishly admitted, your other hand wedging into your back pocket as you had to stop yourself from reaching for the bill of your hat again. Is he flirting? The words seem too innocent for the way he was making you feel. It was getting so hot in the oven of his massive palms, and he wasn't even squeezing you hard enough to cut off any circulation, but yet your fingers were beginning to tingle.

"Mm, no. Just a little popular, really," he granted, teetering his head a little as he pondered the thought. You could see his vocal chords contract in his sleek neck as they project his smooth, pungent voice. "You still trust me?"

"Mhm," was all you could muster. He'd gotten even closer, to where his hand had gone into a prayer stance around yours. You were aware of how wide your eyes had gone from the awe you... you knew this was just the beginning. He was going to be very handsy throughout this whole process. But in a very twisted way, you were more than okay with that. Even if it meant you were at risk of fainting from actual dehydration. Maybe you were in over your head. But you couldn't will yourself away from this now. And then, just as a wide, heart-stopping smile edged out on that mind-numbingly handsome face, the door at that back of the room swung open, and heavy-metal rock blasted through the quiet vibe of the scenery and caused you to jump a little at the disturbance. Taehyung shot a wicked smile over his shoulder, and his next words nearly knocked you out right then and there as you beheld yet another, breathtaking sight.

"Oh, there you are," Tae eagerly acknowledged, one hand still holding yours as he walked around to grab your with the other, presenting you to the.. hulking presence in the room. "This is (Y/N), our next little experiment."

[spir1tfar3r]

As a few people, I kind of wanted to get my thoughts of this year out there. It’s kind of all jumbled and I’m sorry, I’m just going with my train of thoughts. I won’t force y’all to see a giant post so if you’d like to read, it’s under the cut. I will say thank you to Katie, Astro, Sam, Alexis (Lex) , Lexi, Lola, Lumi, Sammy, Elle, Lydz, Rachel, Athena, Gab, Cal, Alice, Clara, Violet, Denise, Eden, Starshine, and many more for making this year better for me. Ilysm and I don’t know what I’d do without y’all <3 (also hi sorry I don’t talk to many of you often. I’m too scared <//3)

This year has probably been one of the shittiest yet ok year I’ve ever fucking had. With the entire pandemic and all the bullshit this year has thrown at us, it’s not very surprising that I consider it shitty but for the ok portion, it’s because of the people I’ve gotten to know thanks to Tumblr, that made this year ok. Many of you know, I was @hurtbycanonthoughts-deactivated and god fucking damn does seeing that “-deactivated” still hurt me. When I made that account on May 29th, I didn’t expect a single fucking thing. I only made it because Katie had encouraged me to also start writing, knowing that I had wanted too for a little bit so when she made her account, she also told me that maybe I should too. I was absolutely terrified when I made that account and the first post proved it. I started off simply writing for some cool fandoms (not you voltron I hate you) that I was apart of. Before I could even blink, I had hit a milestone for me and I was absolutely surprised. I had mainly only wrote for two of the things I enjoyed so gaining followers and friends over just two of those genuinely surprised me. I remember telling Katie I hit 100 and I was about to start crying because I had never imagined getting anywhere(?) on here. I’ve been on here since I was 12 so I was used to getting to some milestones and all but for my writing? Couldn’t be more surprised yall like it lmao.

As for deactivating, I don’t believe I ever gave a real reason besides I was really upset and my mental health just,,, needed it gone. While yes that’s true, I do have more reasons as to why I couldn’t stay on an account that used to make me so happy. For one, the hate was getting to the point I had deleted the app and turned off anon 3 different times because it hurt me so fucking bad. I’m not sure what I had done and I know not everyone will like me but it hurt that someone could hate me that fucking bad that they even wished some really terrible shit to me when I did stupid shit again. Thanks to that, my already pretty terrible mental health just went downhill and I sat on my couch crying because I no longer wanted to be on this site and I genuinely hated writing. Along with that though, I was nearing 1.4K and yet the interactions with my followers was absolutely terrible. I think only like 10% ever interacted with my stuff so I was genuinely upset over it. Even now barley any of them interact with my stuff but at least I’m not upset over 1K doing it?? Idk sounds shitty but whatever. Deactivating was honestly the hardest thing for me. I lost so many of my friends/mutuals because I’m genuinely too scared to be like “hi I’m ariel! Sorry for deactivating lmaoooooo” when it’s been about 3 weeks since I got rid of it. I put all my time and effort into that when I just,,, got rid of it because my stupid ass was crying? Fucking pathetic tbh. (Don’t be nice to me on that I’m so fucking mad at myself still).

Lastly before I start ✨crying✨, I think the only good things that came from being here was my wonderful mutuals/friends. Y’all have made my 2020 so much better and I couldn’t be more thankful for you. Even to those who I used to be friends with but decided to go their separate way, I wish nothing but the best for you and I am so happy that we were friends for as long as we were. All of you have helped me become a much better person than I was at the start of the year and honestly probably made me more happy than anyone has in my 20 years of life. Which may seem a little sad or surprising but honestly, y’all are the best fucking people I could ever ask for.

Ummmm idk what else to say so I’ll wrap it up here? Sorry I’m not good with words and I probably repeated myself a lot. See y’all in 2021

[donqwxx]

Takeaways from JC and A’Levels

Hello! I am from Singapore and I just completed my GCE A’Levels. It was a tough ride and these are just some things I would like to share with students who are going through junior college (JC) or a similar education journey. No doubt Tumblr has a strong ‘studyblr’ community, but I realised that many A’levels related posts are generally from the UK, which may not always be applicable for JC kids. These are some things I wished I had someone tell me when I was going through JC and I really hope that you can relate to something from this and feel less alone in your journey! 

1   Get a routine  

I was never a planner and I always work on tasks based on its priority and my mood. But over the course of preparing for A’levels, I found it very helpful to establish a set routine every day, especially during the months leading up to A’levels after graduation. Routines are basically a series of regularly followed actions and I find that it helps me to feel in control of my time, and to power through the day and stay motivated. My routine consisted of me waking up at a fixed timing of 7am every day, doing simple workouts for 30 minutes, having my breakfast and a shower before starting my revision at about 9am. This morning routine became a ritual for me and made it easier to motivate myself to sit at my desk and get work done instead of falling into the temptation of lazing on my bed for 30 minutes more. Find what works for you and once you instill the self-discipline to keep it going for the first few weeks, it will eventually become much easier to stick to it eventually.

2   Don’t lose momentum!!  

I believe that A’levels is similar to a marathon. Once you stop, it’s easy to lose your momentum and eventually your gears will turn rusty. In the months leading up to the A’levels, I had shifted my focus onto the subjects that I was weaker in and I paid less attention to Geography, which I felt I had generally mastered both the content and skills. And naturally, during the A’levels itself, I also spent more time on the subjects that were more imminent and neglected Geography, which was my last paper. Although I made sure to do at least 1 practice paper per week, I found myself unfamiliar with the content and trying to cram the heavy content in a few days was just too late. I felt that I underperformed for the paper as the content felt somewhat foreign to me, which was disappointing as I had worked so hard to master it before. Thus, it is extremely important to not neglect any of your subjects. Time is indeed tight, but it is important to continue to look through and revise the content of the subject regularly, no matter how confident you are in it. This is really important to not only keep your momentum but also boost your confidence for the paper! During our mock exams, my teacher told us that from our essays he could tell that some of us were losing our momentum already. This really shows how a loss in momentum can really show in your writing in the form of a lack of rigor, which highlights the importance of constantly revising and going through all of your subjects. I am not saying to not focus on the subjects you are weak in but to also make sure not to neglect any, even if it means just half an hour flipping through a particular set of notes. It is a difficult balancing act but try your best to do balance all your subjects and I believe it would really ensure you are at your best during the A’levels.

3   Don’t compare

I think this is the number 1 problem for many JC students, whether it is when we compare our grades or the opportunities we are awarded against our peers. In the fast-paced, competitive system, it is inevitable that we sometimes get trapped in these bouts of anxiousness that everyone seems to be doing so much better than we are. I clearly remember my first few Geography lectures and tutorials where I would just come out feeling so lost with so many question marks in my head and sometimes I would just burst into tears thinking that everyone else is coping so well and understanding everything while I did not pick up anything at all. However, with time, I realised that most of the time, whatever we tell ourselves in our heads is often more exaggerated and extreme than reality. You are definitely not the only one struggling and lagging behind, and most of the time, it’s just that people do not show their struggles on their faces. By comparing yourself with someone else, you are equating someone else’s strengths with your own weakness and obviously, that is not a fair comparison. Acknowledge your strengths and the efforts you are taking to improve yourself. A quote that personally helped to frame my mindset is this: “My best, my 100% might be someone else’s 80%... or 60%... or 40% but it’s my best and it’s good enough. And that’s what matters.” Getting caught in a never-ending race of trying to outbid others will only cause you to lose sight of what is truly important to you and who you are. This was something I had learnt the hard way as I lost much of my self-esteem because I just felt that I was never good enough. But the truth is, none of us are and as long as we strive to grow each day to become better, it’s enough. You are enough.

4   Be kind to yourself, give yourself the rightful credit

This is never easy to do and I struggled with this for many years and I am still trying to become better at it. Every single human being makes mistakes, including you. Don’t beat yourself over an answer that you could have written better or that careless mistake you made during a math paper. Yes, you screwed up but so what? Don’t discount all the times when you persevered and spent hours trying to understand that particular topic. Failure is not always a bad thing. Think about it, it is because of all the times when you fell that you picked yourself up and became stronger. Failing is an unavoidable experience of growth, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t equate taking responsibility to taking the blame for everything. Many times when something goes wrong, I always tend to take the blame even when it is not my fault or something that I can control, and most of the time, I do not even recognise this. This made me learn that overly-blaming yourself will only continue to hurt your confidence. Recognise that some things are out of your control and that not every outcome is because of something you said or did. Some decisions are primarily the responsibility of others. Be mindful of what constitutes your responsibilities. Part of attaining self-love is learning to set your own personal boundaries and making it clear to the people you love about these lines. One such personal boundary that I drew was to set aside the time I take to travel on public transport to and fro school as a time for myself to reflect and be alone. However, unlike all my previous failed attempts at self-care, this time I learnt to speak up and to let my friends know of this personal boundary of mine so that they respect it and do not cross the boundary. This helped to boost my self-respect and confidence greatly as I learnt to mark my own boundaries and convey it to others. 

5   Burn-outs

Burnouts occur in different periods of time for different people. I experienced my first burnout in my 2nd year of JC and it happened at a time when I was overwhelmed by my commitments in extra-curricular activities and my academics and I also fell into the trap of comparing myself to others. I felt sleepy all the time, I did not want to get up and the thought of giving up was a constant in my mind. It was a very trying time for me as I felt the need to have to go on with my everyday life as if nothing was happening. However, it is important to recognise that it is a way your body is alerting you that you are exhausted. Listen to your body, do not force yourself to “snap out of it” or feel guilty about not being as productive. Burnouts reflect a state of our mental health, and it takes time to recover from one. Many of my friends, including myself, started to burn out in the second to the third week of A’levels as well. The exams stretch for 1 whole month and there are hardly any breaks after the mid-year exams as you engage in a cycle of constant revision, prelim exams and finally the A’levels. Hence, I can’t stress the importance of pacing yourself enough. Make it a priority to schedule breaks and to allow yourself to rest. For example, if you find yourself less productive at night, stop work at 9 and just do whatever you want till your bedtime. I made it a point to sleep at least 7 hours every night leading up to A’levels. Not only did it helped to regulate my stress, but it also allowed me to be more awake and productive during the day! Many people feel guilty for sleeping early because their friends burn the midnight oil or because they tell themselves they have to make better use of the time. But I strongly believe that everybody works differently. Find out what sleep schedule works for you and stick to it. After all, you are the one who is accountable for yourself, not them. Other than plenty of rest, what helped me out of my burn out was reading and listening to other people’s stories. These 3 sources really helped me to feel less alone in my stuggle: 1, 2, 3.  It is also important to discover the cause of your burnout as this can help you to tackle the problem at its root. Take time off school if you need to and reflect on the stressors in your life. Engage in activities that you enjoy and give yourself time to recover. Don’t suffer alone, talk to others about it. It is okay to ask for help, you don’t have to do everything alone. I had decided to talk to my family members about it and contrary to what I expected, I received heartfelt advice from my siblings who had gone through similar experiences before. Talk to someone who you are comfortable with about your feelings. It can be daunting but sometimes, it enables to open your heart and mind and discover perspectives you have never seen before. Recovering from burnout can take a very long time and it is normal. Don’t push yourself to feel 100% every single day, listen to your emotions and prioritise yourself. Afterall, your health is the most important. 

6   Actively reach out to your support system

One of my biggest regrets in JC was failing to recognise that I could ask for help. I was always hard on myself and I felt that at 18, I had to be independent and mature and do everything alone. I shamed myself when I asked for help. When I was on the verge to talk to someone about my problems, I was always held back by the thought that I would be a burden to my friends or family, especially since they are having their own struggles as well. I felt like I would just be adding on to their problems and no one would be genuinely interested in what I had to say. This made me feel unimportant and lonely. It was as if I was in a dark pit alone with no way out. As if my screams were in a different frequency that cannot be heard by anyone else. However, my sister taught me that there would always be people willing to listen to me and to be there for me. It was difficult for me to believe it at first, but once I started to open myself up to others and allowed them to be there for me and enter my life, I felt so much more secure and loved. I learnt that the person who is responsible for building my own support system is no other than myself. Nobody can read my mind. If I do not express my thoughts, how do I expect others to be there for me? That said, not everyone here reading this post may be good at expressing their feelings. However, talking is merely just one of those ways. Find your way to let your family or friends know that you need their support and company. This could be certain physical cues or even through writing. I can comfortably say that JC was one of the loneliest periods in my life. It can sometimes feel that the world is revolving regardless of how you are doing and you are trapped in so much action around you but you have so little involvement in them. Therefore, I cannot stress how important it is to establish a support system for yourself, no matter if you are someone who needs a lot of affirmations or not. Be proactive in searching for people to support you in your journey and likewise, be there for them when they need you. 

7   Forgive yourself and move on

After my economics paper 1, I felt extremely dejected because I did not perform as well as I wanted to. My time management was poor and there were questions that I did not understand. I was disappointed and angry with myself. I blamed myself as I felt that all the efforts that I had put in in the past 1.5 years would just go down the drain. I cried for an entire afternoon and I was so disheartened to the point where I just wanted to give up and not take the other papers. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that there is no point in crying over spilt milk and to let it go. My point is, it is okay to feel sad, angry or whatever emotions you have, but it is important to let it go. Sometimes, emotions are just chains locking people down, and dwelling in them only makes one feel worse. I had allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and to wish that I had done better. But these are things I cannot change. Regardless of the outcome, if you had done your best in that instant, you did well and you deserve to tell yourself that. Yes, you made some mistakes but so what? Despite it not being able to fulfill your expectations, your best is all you can do, no one can do more than that. My teacher had said this once: “Never indulge in your feelings, be it emotions of joy or sadness. We feel, pack it up, remember and move forward. Don’t live in past glories and don’t live in past regrets.” Give yourself some time to internalise your emotions and organise them. Acknowledge your efforts and forgive yourself. Move on, allow yourself to breathe. I once watched a video and an analogy that they used has since been held close in my heart. It said a rocket has many little fuel tanks that it carries with it that brings it to the sky. But once it is in the sky, it has to drop it all so that it can continue with its journey. Likewise, this applies to the bad things that happen in our lives. It spurs you on and helps you grow and then you just need to let them go so that you can move further. 

8   Your life is not just about studying.

Your life is more than just those notes and exams, there are so many opportunities awaiting you and so many meaningful things around you. While our main responsibility as students is to study hard, it is important to find life out of the books. I read an article recently and it puts my point across very nicely: “Our education system is built on the idea of merit, so people ... equate merit with performance in exams”. We allow our academic performance to influence how we feel about ourselves, our sense of self-worth and confidence. It is important to find your worth outside of the affirmations of others when you do well academically, or else it is easy to fall into the belief that you are nothing but a grade-making machine. After my A’levels ended, I felt a low in my life as I had dedicated so much of my life to studying that I lost my purpose and I felt worthless because I was no longer being “productive”. I forgot how to enjoy myself and to have fun, and this made me realise that I had indeed lost myself in trying to meet my own expectations academically. I cooped myself at home for months and the only time I left the house was to the library or school to study. Make it a point to engage in your hobbies, do not put it off just because you feel that it is a waste of time or that you feel pressured to study. It is difficult to see it now because you might be caught in the frenzy of studying, but when you look from a wider perspective, your academic journey is only such a small part of your life. There are more permanent things that you carry throughout your life, like your relationships with people, social skills that will continue to shape you as a person. Dedicate time for these important things and I can assure you that you will not regret it.

9   Find joy in learning

At some point in JC, I found that I lost my joy for learning and I was instead trying to memorise all the information in my head without trying to understand it. I was only studying just for the exams rather than to develop my critical thinking skills and my knowledge. Studying got very painful and I lost interest in many of my subjects, even those that I liked initially. When I realised this problem in the middle of JC2, I made it a point to relook at all of my study material and to slowly go through everything to try to genuinely understand them. It took a long time but this helped to spark my interest again as the content was no longer as dry as before. Blind memorisation may seem to be a shortcut and an effective way to ace the exams, but for me, I found it difficult to apply any of the concepts as I did not know how to adapt them to the questions. There is a difference between learning and studying. Be mindful to sieve out whether you are learning or purely just doing it for the exams.

10   Tough times will pass

For me, the JC experience was so tough that it is indescribable in words. The best way I can put my experience is that it is like a rollercoaster ride, except that everything is perpetually going downhill. Of course, there have been good days, but there has been a fair share of difficult days. It is extremely demanding to have to learn this giant chunk of content in only 1.5 years and the commitment for extra-curricular activities will undeniably drain you. It may be unbearable at times and you might feel that you want to give up. I have also gone through these moments in my life but I can confidently tell you that you are stronger than you believe and you will overcome them. Think about all the times when you felt so small and vulnerable, but in the end, you managed to get through them and now the painful experience is only just a speck of your memory and it no longer hurts you as much as before. Likewise, you will be able to overcome whatever struggles that come in your way. I read the book ‘The Last Lecture’ and there was a line that said “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They���re there to stop the other people.” All the struggles and heartaches will only bring you closer to your dreams. It will teach you lessons, grow you to become stronger and equip you with more wisdom to tackle other challenges in the future. This was a song that comforted me through many of my bad days and I hope it can also bring you some strength to continue to push on: https://youtu.be/4KdUGnowXS0 You will be okay, this soon shall pass. The storms may be tough but the sun will shine again. It will get better! Don’t give up!

While you are caught in your endless to-do list, never forget you are human. I mean these 3 things- resting, making mistakes and feeling. Make time for play and rest, for development. As we grow up, there will be new emotions we would be experiencing for the first time. These eventually will make up who we are as a person which we will carry throughout our lives, so invest time into these things as well.

I know how tough JC is. You may feel that you will never see the end of the tunnel but as long as you are taking small, new steps every single day, you’ll make it. Take challenges, fight. Even if you get beaten up, live your life how you want okay? This is our youth and we will only live it once. Leave no regrets and chase your dreams! Lastly, let me leave a youtube video from one of the artists I admire very much, there were many meaningful messages I got out of the interview and I hope you will too! 

Thank you for reading this, no matter whether you are studying in JC or not, I hope this has been helpful! Hang on and your hard work will pay off! Believe in yourself!

[seoulfulcity]

July 12, 2018: We’re Halfway There

안녕하세요,

I am finally halfway through the summer program, and the words my friend Valentino once said during the first week is starting to become reality: "Once we reach halfway through, it's going to go by fast". Now, I'm dreading the last half of the program knowing that I will be on a plane ride back to Los Angeles in a blink of an eye.

Happy three weeks here in Seoul! It's been an eventful week so this is how it went down. This blog recaps the events from Monday to Thursday only. A lot happened on Friday which necessitated a post on its own. Happy reading!

Even though I'm already halfway through, I still have not taken the time to explore the city and visit UNESCO World Heritage Sites or even done any touristy things like visit Gyeongbokgung Palace (경복궁) or even the Namsan Tower (N서울타워). I hope that it doesn't become one of my biggest regrets during this trip, but my mindset is that the bond I have with my friends right now is not something I could experience ever again but I can always go back to Seoul as a tourist in the future.

Monday, July 9, 2018: Florence messaged me on Kakao back in July 3 if I wanted to go to Super Junior's Ryeowook's fan meet since he was being discharged from the military on July 10. Being broke as we both were, we decided to just visit the cafés that were supported by Ryeowook fans: Café Ego, Café 333, and Andy's Coffee.

We decided to visit Café 333 and Andy's Coffee since they were both located in Hongdae.

Café 333 was our first stop and the place was decked out in Ryeowook's pictures. The counter had a welcome sign for his discharge, and tables were decorated with pictures of the idol. We ordered mocha and chocolate lattes and received a Ryeowook banner and two photo cards on top of the Ryeowook sleeve that came with our lattes.

Then we headed to Andy's Coffee just down the street from Café 333 where we ordered coffee and strawberryade. The coffee place gave us Ryeowook transparent fans and another cup sleeve with our orders.

After our trip, we walked around Hongdae and found the place where they filmed a scene in Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (Yeokdo-yojeong Kim Bokjoo/역도요정 김복주) where Joohyung (Nam Joohyuk) was feeding Kim Bok Joo (Lee Sungkyung) with barbeque from the money he "found" on the floor.

We returned to Anam-dong a few hours after we started our day and I realized I have not eaten either breakfast or lunch yet, so I treated myself to one of my favorite places, once again. Remember that bossam (보쌈) place called Ssago (싸고)? I came back there for the third time since I arrived in Seoul, and even then, I was still learning new things such as Koreans actually referring Sprite here as cider (사이다). Odd.

It rained again that day, but it was not as humid as it usually is - the rain was freezing and I was out in Hongdae in a t-shirt and shorts. So, Florence and I went to Spao and bought myself a nice breathable summer sweater that's appropariate for Seoul's humid weather.

I also found out that Singaporeans call umbrella "brolly" thanks to Joyce. I am learning so many new things from Singaporeans, especially coming from being clueless about the culture just three weeks ago - I did not even know what a Singaporean accent was!

In Korean class, I told my professor that I was going to an event hosted by ISC to watch SBS's "The Show" rehearse and perform, so I will be missing class together with two other students, Andrea and Aubrey. The South Korean series is hosted by CLC's Yeeun, NCT's Jeno, and JBJ's Longguo. I got the line up on Monday which consisted of Apink, fromis_9, UNB, Golden Child, ONF, Kim Dong Han, MYTEEN, Jessi, Yoon Mirae, among others. KCON LA recently announced the lineup for this year's event which includes both fromis_9 and Golden Child, so I'm basically saving myself from spending an extra $100 to go both concert days to see the same groups I'm seeing here in Seoul for free.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018: SBS's "The Show" begins at 6:30 PM KST, so I had the whole day for myself - as expected, I did nothing. We were supposed to meet at the SBS Prism Tower lobby at 5 PM, and it takes about 40 minutes to get from Anam Station (안압역) to Digital Media City (디지털 비디아 시티); so I left at 3:30 to gave myself some extra time just in case I get lost.

There was a long queue outside SBS Prism Tower for ONF and MYTEEN fans. I was told that these fans don't have tickets and are hoping to go in to see their favorite groups perform, while I was in the lobby researching about the groups performing because the only thing I know about everybody was that they were Korean.

Heck, I thought fromis_9 was a boy group.

I was honestly only looking forward to see Jeno and Longguo with my own eyes.

My friends start slowly arriving and one of them went to a coffeeshop nearby that had Longguo on the cup sleeve, which made me more excited for the show to start. Salli and Carolina arrived and I didn't know they were even accepted to go to the show, so I spent the rest of the time until 6:30 with Andrea (Guatemalan), Aubrey (Chinese), Salli (Puerto Rican) and Carolina (Brazilian) teaching each other different Spanish dialects, Brazilian Portuguese, and Chinese words.

We were seated at 6:17 PM and the show started on time until 8 PM. BABA performed first, then TARGET, fromis_9, elris, Kyungri, Golden Child, MYTEEN, Kim Dong Han, Migyu, Jessi, ONF, The East Light, UNB, Gugudan SEMINA, Yoon Mirae, and Apink. Apink ended up winning that night - no surprises there.

Salli, Carolina and I took the subway back to Anam-dong together where Carolina told me about the Hanyang University Cruise Party - a booze cruise with unlimited drinks for an hour and ending the night at one of Gangnam's most revered clubs - Octagon - famous for being very selective with its guests. Octagon rejects most foreigners and men who are not up to standards with its rich beautiful image. Koreans usually get in for free and foreigners pay ₩30,000. The booze cruise was only ₩30,000 if we buy it before July 11 at 10 PM as a group of more than six people. One individual ticket is ₩45,000, and the tickets get cheaper the more people in the group.

Well, we managed to get more than six people within ten minutes and we bought the tickets together thanks to Wendelyn's credit card.

The three of us were starving when we reached Anam-dong, so I introduced both Salli and Carolina to, you've guessed it, bossam (보쌈) in the same place called Ssago (싸고). As you might have known by now, I am becoming obsessed with it.

After dinner, we went ahead to the Baskin Robbins place where I told both of them about the cute worker I saw last week. We checked the place out and no luck - though we ended up getting Pus in Boots cups and milkshakes to end our night.

I could not sleep later that night and I was still awake until 3 AM just in time for Thai, Davy, and Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠) to get ready and meet up at Chicken Bus to watch the World Cup semi-finals with France competing against Belgium. I was awake already anyway so why not, right? I met with them downstairs. Matt and Sophie joined with us in front of Frontier House before going down the stairs to Chicken Bus. Later in the night, Wendelyn and Florence met with us at the restaurant itself while the game was playing.

Thai, Davy, and Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠) were betting for Belgium to go into the finals, while Matt and I placed our money on France. Matt and Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠) made a bet to pay for the winner's entire alcohol consumption for that night. We watched the game Korean-style with chicken and maekju (백주), or chimaek (치백), until the game ended at 5 AM, just in time for daylight to break.

If you've watched the 2018 World Cup finals, then you know that Matt and I won the bet.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018: I slept in until 2 PM that day and had no other plans besides updating my Blackpink blog. I went to the nearby PC bang (PC방) to play around and edit my Tumblr page and my past blogs in the late afternoon. I type my blogs on my phone and the Tumblr app has very limited options on setting up my page and my posts. I did not know the culture around PC방 prior to arriving, so I had to do some research.

1. PC방 are ubiquitous in Seoul - meaning that there is a PC방 in every corner of the street, almost as many as noraebang (노래방) places. Some PC방 are membership only, so you need to sign up and make an account to use the computers. Some, such as the one I go to, would hand you a card with a number on it and you log in using that card number.

2. They're insanely cheap! The PC방 I've seen can go from ₩500-₩1,500 per hour, so sometimes whenever I have nothing to do during the day and all of my friends are in class, I hang out in a PC방 and scroll down Tumblr or watch Are You Human Too? (Neodo Inganini?/너도 인간이니?) in DramaCool since both Viki and DramaFever are not working here in South Korea.

I logged out and caught up with Matt, Florence, Sophie, and Minki-hyung (민기형) at Sulbing Korean Dessert Cafe (설빙) just next to Chicken Bus and Seorae Korean Barbeque. They ordered Green Tea Snowflakes and Mango Snowflakes, while I got the Chocolate Brownie snowflakes.

Sophie asked me what I ordered and after telling them, everybody started laughing.  Minki-hyung (민기형) made a guess earlier what I would be getting and he guessed right - I was becoming too predictable.

And when I got my order, I did not realize how humongous the portion was.

I keep forgetting that I am in South Korea and not America - the portion sizes here are way bigger since most of the cafés and restaurants are catered for couples (again - couple culture dominates Seoul).

Going back to our dorms, we bumped into Valentino and Cara where we stood in front of the cheap street food restaurant everybody constantly buzzes about (Goreun Aetsal/고른 앳살) for a good hour.

Thursday, July 12, 2018: It was exam day for me, and it was my first one too. So as the good student that I am, I decided to dedicate my whole morning studying - in Donghae's Haru & One Day Café.

I planned to spend a few hours studying for my Korean exam on basic conversational sentences while sipping on Donghae's drink then head to the nearby Kondae (건대) shopping and food district to eat out.

I ordered a glass of lemon juice, took advantage of Donghae's Wi-Fi, and studied.

For ten minutes.

Then I sat there for the next hour looking at fans come and take pictures with the giant Audrey Hepburn portrait hanging on the wall. I was very distracted that day and decided to just walk around Kondae (건대) and look for something to eat.

I scoured through the whole place under the 96-degree weather and found nothing - I was craving pork or beef that I did not have to cook and was within my ₩10,000 budget, but to no avail. Most of the restaurants I've found served pretty much all chicken or meat you have to cook yourself and other menu items I was not craving.

Kondae (건대), the area surrounding Konkuk University, has plenty of Japanese restaurants, which is very lacking around Anam-dong, the area surrounding Korea University. Sometimes, I just want to take a break from Korean food and stuff myself with something different - Japanese, Mexican, Vietnamese, you name it.

I went back to Anam-dong to try out the cheap street food restaurant by the campus to see what was the hype about. The menu was all in Korean, but luckily I know enough for me to differentiate ramen (라면) from tteokbokki (떡볶이).

The prices were very cheap - regular kimbap (원조김밥) was ₩1,500, tteok-ramyeon (떡라면) was ₩3,000, and Busan fish cakes (Busan eomuk/부산어묵) was ₩2,000. Having spent some time around Myeongdong and Hongdae, I knew these prices were within range. One stick of fish cake in Myeongdong was about the same price, so I expected to be eating a plate of kimbap, a bowl of tteok-ramyeon, and a stick of eomuk.

Bad idea - I really keep forgetting that I'm not in America anymore.

The portion sizes were humongous and the three plates took up the entire space of my whole table.

It looked like I was about to film a mukbang video.

I messaged my friends who were nearby to crash at the place and help me finish my food - Florence, Matt, Lina, and Wendelyn came to rescue.

Florence and I ran out of the restaurant to catch our 4:50 Korean language classes right after the rest arrived.

We took a different route and entered the Media Hall where they had a TV situated at the hallway leading to Woodang Hall - and they were playing the K-Pop flash mob dance we filmed a week prior.

The class was starting in a few seconds and my professor wanted us to be on time for the exam since she was not extending the exam time for us if we come late.

Well, the exam was easy - it was actually a quiz. I was mentally preparing for a midterm-type exam since everybody else was studying for midterms.

I finished it in six minutes and lecture continued per usual.

After class, I invited my friends to go to Dongdaemun with me to walk around and maybe buy some clothes and souvenirs - Joyce, Valentino, Matt, Sophie, Wendelyn, and Cara joined with us and took the subway together to Dongdaemun History and Culture Park Station (동대문 역사문화공원). We walked up and past the LED Rose Garden and met up with Thai and Davy, who just came from eating live octopus at Gwangjang Market, then we headed to eat street foods by the Migliori Mall.

We took the bus from Dongdaemun back to Anam and met up with Minki-hyung (민기형) for some makgeolli, rice alcohol famous for its hangover headache, at Tosokjumak Makgeolli House (토속주막 막걸리) just under Monaco Bar. I have never had makgeolli before, but I had an understanding that makgeolli is sipped from a bowl with both hands, but I did not know that it was actually served in kettle pots! The ahjumma (아줌마) serving us placed two kettles next to me and I did not know what it was for - I asked the group if they ordered tea and Minki-hyung (민기형) laughed and told me that it was the makgeolli.

We played drinking games for the rest of the night - such as taking a sip if we say the word "you", rotating our names and responding to the name of the second person to our left, placing everything on the table with two taps, and removing the little man from everything we picked up and called him Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠).

We left the makgeolli place at almost 2 AM and I bumped into my drunk friends from my Korean class - Darren, Peter, Angela, Cindy, and Sharon. Peter, Cindy, and Angela had too much soju for the night and we walked them back to Frontier House and Anam Global House. We spent a whole hour outside the CU Convenience Store just under the hill from CJ International and Frontier House trying to get Peter off of the streets and back to his dorm.

Darren and I managed to get him to his room and back to our dorms by 4 AM and Darren messaged me that he was treating me with a drink sometime for my help - earlier in the night, he was lightheadedly telling me how high his alcohol tolerance was and I wanted to challenge him since my tolerance is also in the higher side.

So, I'm looking forward to the night when we actually find out whose tolerance is actually higher - hopefully we find out this week.

My week 3 blog ends here, and I will be starting on my Friday blog hopefully today.

It's Monday of week 4 and I am looking forward for this weekend since this Friday is the booze cruise - I invited other people for the event, those I haven't had the time to hang out with or the people I met for a few minutes but want to get to know better.

I am dreading the end of this summer program. I have noticed that I've been taking my time absorbing every moment, looking at the faces of the friends I've made here and the buildings that have been part of my daily walks to school and realizing that I only have two more weeks to go to make the best out of this amazing chapter of my life. I really hope that one day, I will find the time to reunite with each and every one of them and relive these moments together.

It would be very easy to reunite with the Singaporeans since their country is so small and more than half of my friends are Singaporean.

This gives me the biggest incentive to visit Singapore very soon since I expect it to be one big reunion. Until then!

고마워요,

Chris 「크리스」

P.S. I will not miss the 112 steps going up the Frontier stairs and the neverending hills around this campus. Oh, my God! I will not miss it at all.

P.P.S. The couple and PDA culture here is still insane.

[jeremyrennerapp-blog]

Jeremy Renner’s app - why I left and everything wrong with it.

First, I want to start this post making it clear that I will be not exposing names or sending hate towards anyone. I’ll merely talk about the reasons that made me choose to leave the app over the weekend. I will get into the topic of buying stars/boosts but I will NOT condemn people for doing it, as it’s not my problem what anyone does with their own money.

I joined the app on the same day it was released and I subscribed to it ($2,99/month). I was never very active over there, I would simply like the posts, make a comment or two and just watch people interacting and getting a hang of how things worked. And I wasn’t pleased. I will be writing this in topics, to make ir easier to understand. Things that weren’t seen by me or are just rumors will be marked as such.

1. The app itself: What it is and how it works; 2. Thecnical Problems; 3. Starts and Boosting; 4. The super fan label; 5. Bullying; 6. The “Clique“; 7. Contests/Replies ; 8. Favoritism; 9. Reaction from other fans; 10. What I think it should be done.

The app itself: What it is and how it works.

The app was released around March, 2017. Here’s the description of the app at the app store (I’m not an android user, so I’m not sure if it’s the same over there):

Stay connected to Jeremy Renner on his official app.

Do fun things:

- Check out the in-app social feed for live updates and videos.

- Boost your comments with Superstars, become a Top 3 Fan, and be seen by Jeremy Renner.

- Join exciting contests for a chance to win amazing prizes like meeting Jeremy Renner, event tickets, and more…

- Watch cool videos.

- Follow Jeremy Renner on social media.

- Listen to the FREE built-in playlist and add more songs from your personal library, Spotify.

We’ve just launched subscription service! Subscribers will get the exclusive subscriber badge to decorate their avatars and help them be seen, as well as exclusive content just for them. The $2.99/month subscription fee will be charged through your iTunes account as an auto-renewable, recurring transaction unless you cancel your subscription before the end of the current subscription month. You can manage your subscription, cancel it, or turn off auto-renewal at any time by accessing your iTunes account.

Jeremy does post content there. Some pictures, a few videos here and there and he takes a little time to reply to fans when he can. As we all know, he is a very busy man so no one expects him to reply to a lot of comments all the time. We understand and respect that, so this isn’t an issue.

As you can read on the official description, there is a subscribe service. For $2,99 a month, you get access to everything in the app. Some posts are tagged for subscribers only (or “Super Fans” as the app calls us who pay the monthly fee). Sounds good to a certain point, so I joined and started to learn my around the app.

Thecnical Problems From day one, the app had a few issues. Of course we understand that it was recently launched so that is completely normal. I’ve had issues with the app crashing multiple times and the notification tab not working, but tumblr user @Sephirayne had a lot more problems as she stated on this post.

Another user had her account closed for no reason and when she got it back, her stars were gone. Ecapex’ Technical support worked on it and gave her stars back, but it took a little bit.

Hopefully, the notification tab will be improved and fans can have a better experience on the app. Since is still a relatively “new” thing, let’s give them time to work on all the problems and bugs.

Stars and Boosting

The app works with a system of “boosting” comments. To do that, you need “stars”. They can be earned by using the app or they can be bought (when you download the app you get a starter pack of 100 stars). Here are the packs and the prices (iOS version):

Now, like I said in the beggining, I am not against people buying stars. As Jeremy is very busy, boosting comments give fans a better chance to be seen by him and having their comments replied to. This topic is just to explain how this feature works.

Aside from boosting comments, you can boost yourself to get to the much wanted “Top Fan Section.” That means your profile picture will be featured under his post with a “#1 Fan” (or #2 or #3) as seen here:

Clicking on your profile picture will let you know how many starts you need to boost yourself up to that position. For example:

As previously stated, that gives you a chance to be seen by Jeremy, since your post would be on top. A lot of people only use the starts they gain within the app, others buy it and use it to boost themselves or other fans that have good comments.

The super fan label

This is where I started to get a bit uneasy. The app has a badge for people who pay for the monthy fee and they are described as “Super Fans.”

This is the badge:

Bullying

This are RUMORS I’ve heard. I wasn’t online when it happened and any clarification about this is welcome.

There were rumors that a fan was bullyied by the “clique” until she left the app. That same fan talked about this last night on instagram and deleted her fan account because she was extremely disappointed with Jeremy.

I can’t get in touch with her now since I only knew her fan account, but if she wants to come forward (as the person accused of the bullying) they’re welcome to share their thoughts.

The “Clique”

I will NOT be throwing names in this topic. I will call them “Person A”, “Person B” etc if I need to. This is not intend to send hate towards them or anyone, this is simply my view on things and again, I might be wrong.

There is a little “clique” in the app. A group of fans that can afford starts and are always on the top fans section. Nothing wrong with that, people can spend their money however they want, but they monopolize the top fan section and that doesn’t give other fans a chance.

Contests/Replies

I’m not sure how many of those we had, since I’m not willing to download the app again and go through every post. But the ones I remember are:

Video replies: Fans asked questions and Renner posted video replies daily during a month;

Signed photos: Fans answered a question and best answers got signed pictures. I believe there were 10 winners;

Set visit: Fans asnwered three questions for a couple weeks and Renner chose one to visit the Avengers set in Atlanta. Starts bought during this contest had the money from it redirected to Hurricane Harvey Relief (around 14 thousand dollars)

With that being said, let’s move on to the next topic: favoritism.

Favoritism

This came to mind after the results of the last contest on Sunday. Since the app began, I’ve been seeing a pattern being made where the same people were always in the top fan section, which made them get a lot of replies from Jeremy.

A few people of this group also got video replies, the signed pictures and one of them was the winner of the latest contest, the set visit in Atlanta. I will not criticize the money spent on stars on this because it went to a great cause, but the way the contest was handled really set some people off.

Answering questions for a chance to win, doesn’t work for everyone. Being busy as Jeremy is, he can’t possibly read through all the comments, which means that, as we all knew, said person won. Her comments were boosted a lot (which is nice, it generated more money for charity) but that’s making people think that there’s something else to it.

Did he get to read other comments that weren’t on the top section? Did we even had a chance in the first place? Probably not. Fans are hurt from seeing the same people benefiting on every contest/giveaway simply because they have more money. This is not a contest, it’s an auction and Jeremy should have made that clear from the beggining, because other fans have been pouring their hearts out for a chance to win when they never had a chance in the first place.

It’s hard not to think of favoritism when we keep seeing the same names and the same people over and over again. It fells like it’s Jeremy + his super fans and the rest of us are just the rest. And yes, it’s hurtful.

If he can’t give everyone a fair chance, he should think of a different system for these contests.

Reaction from other fans

After the winner of the set visit was announced, a lot of fans expressed how they felt. They were quickly buried by “let’s be positive” comments trying to shut them up and a fan was even banned from the app (I talked to her, if she wants her name here, she knows how to contact me).

People were accused from “stealing the winner’s spotlight” ou being “sore losers” simply because they pointed out that the whole thing wasn’t fair from the beggining. Some people (me included) weren’t surprised at all with the winner because, like I said, there’s a pattern.

I am NOT speaking for everyone (although I saw simmilar reactions) when I say that, as a fan, I am hurt. Deeply. I am hurt because I’ve been a fan for years, I run a big fan account and in that app it’s like I’m nothing because I can’t afford to buy his attention or a chance on those contests.

Fan accounts have been deleted, fans left the app and others say they will only stay there from the friends they’ve made, but that they were equally disappointed. Huge fans are being treated like they’re not worth as much as the other ones simply because they can’t spend as much money on the app. Does Jeremy have an idea of how much this affects people (negatively)? What about his staff? His PR?

He made two instagram posts after the contest announcement. One of them has multiple comments from unhappy fans and they’re all being ignored. There was an open letter I posted and that was shared by another fan account that it was ignored as well. It’s like we don’t have a voice.

What I think it should be done

I’m not asking Renner to change his mind about the contest. She won, let her enjoy it. What I’m asking is for him or his staff to say something about the unhappy fans, to show us that our voices have value and to tell us that the next contests will be fair. I want them to make it clear which is a contest and which is an auction, so fans don’t waste their time on something they won’t have a chance.

I need to be proved wrong when I say that, right now, it feels like money matters more than true fans. Our love CANNOT be measured by the amount of money we spend and people CANNOT feel less of a fan just because they don’t have as much money as the other ones.

Jeremy, BARTON UP.

Clint fucks up all the time, but he always admits what he did and tries to fix it. This is hurting your fans, the people who have been supporting you for years and have helped you get to where you are right now. This is hurting the people who will still be here when shit goes down. You used to call super fans there your “loyal fans”, but we are ALL loyal. We are ALL superfans. I hope you get to see what’s truly happening, because I think the main reason you’re not talking about is because you don’t know.

This app is dividing people instead of creating a community. Everything seems bright and shiny because people ignore what happens out of what? Fear he’ll be mad? This only leads to Renner not knowing what’s truly happening.

This needs to change. He has other social media to interact with fans, the app is NOT the only way. Things need to be fair to EVERY ONE, or people will keep leaving.

#BartonUp #LoyaltyToAll

(The ask box is open to anyone who wants to share their thoughts on this. I will NOT be posting submissions that attack other fans or Jeremy himself. Please, be respectful.)

[kingofthewilderwest]

Alright I’m writing this post before I wimp out on this decision that I need to make. I’m going to try to explain with some thoughtful honesty about where I’m potentially going to be heading with my main blog. But because I have the habit of being... verbose... I’m putting my TL;DR at the top:

I am opening my ask box even though I still have dozens of analysis prompts saved from before I closed the ask box. It’s because I’m tired of not chatting with people in this amazing fandom. I love interacting!

I can no longer consistently analyze prompts. This means I cannot guarantee I will give a thorough analysis if I receive an analysis prompt. I will have to start giving answers like “I don’t know,” “I don’t remember,” or something based more on my gut than thorough research. If a topic really intrigues me, I might give a classic Haddock thorough response. But I can no longer guarantee long, consistent asks. I will, regardless, still respond to every ask I get!

I am so thankful for the experiences I have had with the HTTYD fandom and I would not trade my time on tumblr with you guys for anything. Seriously, you’ve all been amazing. I never would have expected to have such journeys, find such laughter, or make such friends as I have with all of you. Here’s to more fun times to come!

So now... the long version... 

I do encourage people to read it.

I have known for at least a year, if not two, that I could not keep up the pace of my blog analyses... not without sacrificing major opportunities or experiences in my life. I will be honest, me spending too much time on tumblr during my one year of the PhD program could have been one of the key reasons I couldn’t keep up. As much as I enjoy the community and as much as I am so happy to answer asks - it’s very fun and somewhat addictive - I know that I have to make decisions with my limited time.

I’m currently working three part-time jobs (~60 hours a week), am trying to find a good game plan for a stable lifelong career, and I have a lot of other adult-ing to do. When I do have free time, I want to be able to spend it hanging out with irl friends, reading books, studying theology and other topics of interest, reintegrating myself in the local church, writing novels, playing music, composing, drawing, conlanging, cosplaying, hiking, jogging, skiing, snowshoeing, watching good tv shows and movies, playing video games, spending time with family, making meaningful memories, etc.

I want to say that answering analyses on tumblr is something that is very meaningful to me. I don’t know how to say how touched I am that people are curious to hear my perspective. I never intended for kingofthewilderwest to be an analysis blog, yet here I am, wowed and grateful for over five thousand followers who have listened to me yak up a storm about an amazing franchise. I never would have imagined this would happen. I’m beyond grateful. What’s made it so worthwhile is interacting with you guys. I’m so happy to have had this experience and... I want to keep having this experience.

That said, answering asks on tumblr is perhaps not as “helpful” to me in the long run as working on a novel I hope to someday publish, or making sure I get a good night’s rest so I’m ready for another day of work. If I want to reach my life goals and have the meaningful experiences I dream of having, I have to make changes to my current day-to-day situation. I HAVE to. I want to get my life back in order, and I recognize my life has not been as “put together” since I started investing more time in tumblr. To get myself really firmly on track, I do have to loosen my hold on some of my free time activities, if not drop some things out altogether.

Answering analyses is a very time consuming process. VERY time consuming process. It can take me forty minutes or four hours to answer a single question. Not an exaggeration. This is because I often have to rewatch episodes and movies, do a bit of research online, give myself time to mull, and, all in all, invest a lot of time into answering a question. Even when I do consistently try my best to stay on track with answering asks... I cannot keep up with the volume of questions I receive. I wish I could, but I acknowledge I can’t. I still have asks in my inbox from the new year or older (Btw: the way my ask box system works: I keep the ask box open until I am >100 asks behind, then I close the box and answer all those, then open the ask box again). I am so, so sorry that I haven’t responded to all of you who have been patiently waiting for me, or you who may have even forgotten you sent in a question or comment.

I am sorry for all the people I will disappoint by not getting to your submitted asks with the thoroughness you were hoping. I will answer them, albeit not to my previous thorough standard. However, I hope you understand I feel it would be more thoughtful to provide you any response than to never return your messages.

My ask box has been closed because I still have about fifty asks left to answer before I’m caught up. But my ask box has been shut for a long time and I want to hang out with people and chat back and forth. So...

I’m going to open up my ask box again, but I hope you understand I suggest you do not inundate me with analysis requests. I want to open up my ask box so I can interact closely with everyone again... I always feel a little shut off and stale when I have my ask box closed. Now, you can send me analysis requests (when I’m not going through the really old ones in my drafts... again, sorry), but I cannot guarantee I will write an analysis in return. I’ll answer, but it might be a short “I’m not sure” or a few sentences of speculation instead of an essay. I’m happy to chat, I’m happy to discuss back and forth, whatever I want to do when I have the time for recreation, but I cannot be a one-person powerhouse publisher.

I don’t like doing this, but I’ve been needing to do this for a long time. So while I have the guts to write this and post it, I’m going to do it and make the decision final. Don’t make me back down. Don’t make me reverse this choice. Keep me accountable to my long-term life goals.

Another truth, and I am sorry to admit this to you guys, is that I’m not someone who’s used to staying in one fandom mindset for so long. I mean, I always love what I consume and always will get into it. But I’m more of the person to dance from passion to passion, from current interest to current interest, jumping in and out of the buzz of what I love. For instance, I might be on-and-off again with Star Wars, one year thinking about it and fanning about it a lot, another year not really caring. And I usually don’t get involved WITH a fandom... usually just scream about it with a few close irl friends and then move on. How to Train Your Dragon was a notable anomaly, a strange divergence from my typical patterning, and frankly it’s something I wouldn’t have stuck with for so long if not for my interaction with tumblr. If not for the HTTYD tumblr community, I likely would have been out of my HTTYD craze by mid-2015.

And while the HTTYD community has helped me sustain my ongoing interaction with the fandom, my personal passions are focused elsewhere now. I’m still always happy to talk dragons, mind! You guys can fuel me up again when I see you posting about it on tumblr. But in the last year and a half or two years, my mind hasn’t been focused on HTTYD. It’s been first Gravity Falls, then Undertale... and then, with the release of Andromeda, the Mass Effect franchise. I’ve also been going through crazes for things like Voltron: Legendary Defender. So, currently, my head is obsessing about Paladins and Alteans and Salarians and Spectres and Pathfinders and Space Exploration... not so much dragons and Vikings. It’s why my video game blog has been more active and responsive than this one. I’m very sorry if that statement disappoints you, friends. It’s a little weird for me too because I don’t know who all I can shout about my interests with (I only have a few friends who share these interests with me, and I’m sort of annoyingly “late in the fandom” if you know what I mean... don’t want to annoy the same people over and over again about something that’s 5+ years old, but who else do I talk to?). But, well, it is what it is. And it’s more fun for me to charge around with my latest obsession.

Let’s be clear: I’m not leaving you guys or running away or shutting myself off or becoming a hermit or anything. XD You guys mean too much to me to run off. I’m stuck here for good with you dragon nerds. Again, this community has been an extraordinary thing to me, and honestly, my interactions with the HTTYD fandom was the way I got out of a big depressive slump in 2014. So I’m still here! I’ll be staying here! I’m still going to commit to respond to every sincere message I receive! I’m just saying I’m going to invest less time in original posts, especially analyses. That’s all. :) 

It’ll be the best for my life. I hope you friends can all understand. We have to make decisions about the limited time in our lives.

But please! Feel free to chat and say hello and hop into my inbox again! Send little nothings or whatever’s on your mind. I’ve missed getting new asks! It’d be wonderful to hear from you again. <3

So yeah! That’s my honest report and stuff.

Take care, dragon nerds. 

[upthehillask]

Where did you first start posting your amazing art?? Was it hard to get noticed, how long did it take for people to notice your talents? How did you come up with your artist signature/name? I apologise if this is to many questions it's just that you inspire me so much that I want to start my own art blog but I don't know where or how to start more importantly find my own style and artist name.

Questions that I can answer are cool with me! :D It’s been a while since anyone asked me this stuff, so it’s good to refresh my memory!

I pretty much wrote an essay so that’s why it’s under the cut haha

I first started posting my art on deviantArt almost exactly two years ago. dA is where I discovered fanart as a thing people do, I loved it so so much, and I wanted to see more of Dramione, so I decided to give digital art a try myself! I started learning and practicing, and dA is where I posted my first drawings. Since I always made sure to tag my drawings appropriately, all Dramione and other shippers who search, say, the Dramione tag would find my drawings there and like them!  And as people learned that I am consistent with the content I produce (Harry Potter fanart), HP fans followed me because they knew what to expect! :) So while being consistent with what you put out is not necessary, especially if it won’t make you happy (and being excited about what you produce should be your top priority), consistency still definitely helps gain attention because you target a specific audience.

Over the period of a few months I gained a small group of followers on dA and also decided to start a Tumblr blog so I could engage in fandom activities, so on April 2016 I created my blog and posted a bunch of my HP fanart from dA with appropriate tags. I don’t know what it was, perhaps the fact that right from the beginning of my blog I already had multiple art posts was what gained me immediate attention. I don’t think it even took me three days to reach 100 followers. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that I was posting often (because I was both publishing all the finished stuff from the dA and also drawing new art frequently too) and I was posting HP fanart only. If you put a lot of content out, more people will see it, and if they see that they can expect more of the same content frequently, they will follow you. So it didn’t take very long to get noticed for me personally, only a few months on dA and a few weeks on Tumblr, so I was very fortunate!! :)  But do remember that if you make art that you don’t love making, you ARE going to get tired of it, it WILL become a chore, and you will stop doing it, so in this case what’s the point to even start, you know? And people can tell when you’re doing something for attention and when you’re doing something that you genuinely love. So just make sure you’re having fun, this is the most important thing!!!! For me, I always make sure that I am a fangirl first, an artist second. I draw art not because I like drawing art, but because I like to see my favorite ships and characters come to life! :> So I guess you should try finding your niche too – why do you draw, and why do you draw what you draw?

And for my name, I think I will direct you to this post right here for the long answer, but the short answer is, I don’t know :) When I created my dA first, I didn’t think I’d be actually drawing, I just created the most random username without any thought put into it. And when I started drawing, I just maintained it because again, didn’t think it would become more known across the fandom :D And now it’s sort of too late to change it :’D But I don’t really care, I’m used to it! I wouldn’t know what to change it to anyway lol

As for the signature, again, zero thought when into it. Zero. I just signed my username in my usual handwriting, nothing fancy whatsoever, I also decided to add the year just for my own reference. For a year or so I would write my signature on every drawing myself, now I just copy paste the best version of it so it’s more consistent. I also added “@upthehillart Tumblr | Instagram” below the signature as a way to make uncredited reposts less painful :’) lol

But yeah, looking at my own personal experience, what name you choose and how you write your signature make no difference to gaining attention whatsoever. Just make sure it’s easy to remember I suppose! :) That’s always nice!

Anyway. Basically, I’d suggest starting out on Tumblr, dA is old, it’s not worth it, so just have a blog here, and try to post as much as you can if you want people to see your stuff! Instagram is also a good place for art because it has more users than Tumblr. I created my Instagram later than Tumblr, but I have more followers there just because of that. I still prefer Tumblr as a medium, you can see the drawings better, you can navigate it, organize it, you can do things that Instagram doesn’t offer. And people on Instagram are also more rude from my experience, but idk if it would be an issue for you. Oh and it’s also hard to start out on Instagram at first, but at some point the follower flow becomes constant and steady. For me, I had a bigger account shoutout me, and that was extremely helpful! So look out for shoutout opportunities, Instagram or Tumblr.

Anywayyyyyy yeah, not sure if any of this is useful, I hope so! Good luck!!!

[daddyconfessions]

sugar tales: Amoladora

Amoladora sent me a wink on whatsyourpice. I had all but forgotten about that site. Never been a fan of it really. Most of the girls I’d met were only looking for some quick cash IMHO. But after Ripoff, I couldn’t do any worse at this point. I reply back with an offer and 3 days later we’re texting.

Amoladora isn’t in town at the moment which works for me. I use the time to get to know her better and more importantly see if she is serious about a SD. Generally, I’m not as stern about wyp dates and if nothing happens as a result its no biggie. But I was admittedly salty after Ripoff  and down about 3 stacks with nothing to show for it.  

As we talk, she puts me at ease and I relax. I realize I can’t hold every sugar chick accountable for what someone else did. Feeling like I got part of my mojo back, I jump on SA and peruse the ads. I see Ripoff is still on there wrecking havoc. Bitch. I send out several messages, one to a young lady I’ll blog about next called Casino and another who would become Firecracker.

Btw, sorry it took so long to update my sugar tales. I was busy answering all your anons and private messages. Some of you ladies are really going through some things so glad I could help. Some of you other’s are too much.

Besitos Cohiba :)

And this one took longer because I still had the messages (text, email, etc.) so I went through them to write the post. Its still a bit choppy from my POV but I had to shorten it.

Anyway....within a couple of days Amoladora has allayed any concerns I have for the moment.  I bring up allowances, but she shy’s away from any commitment until after we’ve met. We go silent for a day or two, can’t remember how long really. Then she surprises me one morning and text me 7:30am. It’s amazing and funny how chicks know you’re up that early just because you have a job.  Baby wants to meet up that day. But the whole ordeal of Ripoff floods back into the mind and suddenly I want to cancel.

I shrug it off and by 1:30pm I’m pulling into some nice upscale apartments. I was shocked I got to pick her up actually. Lot of sugar chicks don’t go for that sort of thing. I haven’t had another chick in the car with me for quite some time including my wife (she hates my car). My passenger seat still looks new. I’m always meeting chicks somewhere or at the hotel. It’s always “I’ll meet you there…”  or some stuff like that.

As I wait in the parking lot, I catch a glimpse of this sexy as Latina coming down the stairs. At first I think its someone else but as she comes closer I see its Amoladora. Nice. Cuter than her pics. Body is nice too. A little extra belly fat, but nothing to complain about.  She gets into the car all perfumed up. “Nice car she says.”

We chit chat along the way. “You’re really cute,” she says randomly. Amoladora runs a manicured nail along the back of my hand and up my arm as I shift through gears.  Then she smiles at me, “I wasn’t expecting that. You got like a little preppy boy face.” Not sure if she was lying or not, but it sounded good. I needed the ego boost.

I pick an upscale chain. Its after the lunch rush so we get seated quick. We spark of a fairly decent conversation. She thinks I’m funny. Laughs at all my jokes. “So how are you a Mexican from Missouri,” I asks. She laughs. “Oh you have jokes Mister.” I go on cracking jokes for almost an hour. We manage to talk about our lives, experiences in the sugar bowl, our background. We run out of things to talk about so I bring up the allowance again.

“I think we’re looking for two different things sweetie,” she says. “That’s too low for me.” I smile and ask, “Well how much baby?”

She throws out an amount and I immediately agree to it. Too quick. She kicks me under the table. “Really? You were just giving me a shitty offer to see if I would take it?”  I tell her yes and we both laugh.

“I better watch you,” she says, wincing at me, pursing those full lips at me. She touches my hand again. “You’re really cute. “

I know tumblr. I’m a bastard. But hey, I was understandably a little salty after the last month with Ripoff. We order another set of drinks and then go on talking about some minute details of our arrangement.

“Can I ask a question babe?” she says, serious all of a sudden. I give her the nod as I sip of my drink. “How big is your penis?” I nearly spit my drink out. “How big is what?” I ask. We spend a few minutes talking about my size. Smh. She tells me she doesn’t like big penis’. Something to the effect she’s small down there and how she’s shaped. Smh. Only in the sugar bowl.

I tell her to relax. If it becomes uncomfortable we can stop. “Ok baby,” she says. “I trust you.”

By now its time to get back to work. I’m going on my second hour for my lunch break. If I leave now I can make it back by 4:30ish and be in my office when all the big boys walk by on their way out.  So I ask when we can have our second date. It’s the moment of truth. Is this the usual wyp date for me or am I on the verge of a new beginning? Amoladora  shocks me – she tells me something about her roommate is gone and she doesn’t have anything planned for the rest of the day. “We can get started baby,” I remember her saying. “Or do you have to get back to work?”

I did! I whip out the phone and send a few emails to cover myself for the afternoon. “I’m all yours baby,” I say putting my phone away.

Back in the car I tell her I have to run by the bank. “You need condoms too sweetie,” she says, confirming how the next 2 hours are about to go down. I’m thinking in the back of mind, “I’m about to tear the kitty up!!!” At some point Amoladora tells me she could really use some weed. I tell her no prob. I got the connect.

“No fucking way,” she says wide eyed. “You look so innocent. I wouldn’t think you did stuff like that.”

I don’t. About a week prior to our date, I was at a gas station when this fine ass black chick pulls up. I’ve been lazy about approaching girls in the vanilla world. I just don’t have that hunger I did when I was in my 20’s. And since I stay coochie down to the socks, its hard to put forth the effort and work the vanilla scene requires. But I couldn’t pass up this hottie. Maybe she’s into sugar?  We spark up a conversation and two minutes later I’m going nowhere fast. Then I realize she’s high. I ask her if we could hang out, maybe smoke a little ganga. Her whole demeanor changed. The conversation went from 0 to 100. I got a kiss, hug, phone number and the promise  of a potential vanilla/side piece type relationship. But my old ass didn’t save the number when I put it in my phone and later lost it. A day later I consult the Oracle about upping my game with a little 420. She tells me “Hell yea.” Says chick’s who smoke weed love a dude that has some. Can get it. “Shit, I met let you hit this if you come through with a bag,” she tells me. The Oracle is immune to my charm and money, so it means a lot coming form her. Never knew 420 was such an aphrodisiac….Back to our story.

I tell Amoladora I don’t smoke it, but I’d try a little with her.

Within the hour  we’re walking up the stairs to her apt. She tells me something about her roommate may be home so when we walk in I need to be as quiet as possible. A flag is raised. I see flashbacks of a month ago where Ripoff was disappear into a back room to change into something more comfy. The some bitch ass dude comes in all nonchalant like he just went to the store. Outside, more of the homies are waiting for backup…..My eyes dart around to see if I see anything suspicious. I’m nervous, but Bartholomew (my second brain) is in control now and I’m throwing caution to the wind. She opens the door and we walk into this upscale apt. with wooden floors and pretty swanky layout. I only take a few steps before she diverts me into a door on the right. It’s the bathroom and has another door to her bedroom. She pushes me in gently, follows me in and closes the door behind me.

Oh snap. It could be the perfect setup. Big wad of cash in my pocket. In a room that’s dark. Some buster could jump out at any minute. WTF? How did I let myself get back into this situation? Am I about to get robbed again?

Amoladora picks up an open bottle of wine on a nearby night stand and says, “let’s finish this.” I sigh in relief. Heart stops pounding.  I chuckle at being smuggled in like I’m some guilty pleasure of hers. Reminds me of back when I was teenager, sneaking into some girls house. She runs to the kitchen and returns with 2 glasses. We sit on the bed and talk, sipping wine. Before long we start to kiss. I can taste the sweet taste of wine on her supple lips. Even as I type this, I can recall the taste like it was yesterday.

By now, Bartholomew  is about to bust through the zipper. Then I realize I hadn’t took my Lamar Odom’s (herbals  for those who don’t know) before I left work. Oh well, I don’t think I’ll be having a problem today anyway.

Before long we’re taking turns removing clothes articles of clothing. After several minutes of play, I’m naked. I push her back on the bed and go down on her. The kitty is fresh and clean. I pour a little wine on her, just a few drops, as began to thrash her with my tongue. I watch her face and upper body to see how my efforts are going. Sometimes licking the clit directly doesn’t always achieve the right results. And even if it does, there is a certain amount of pressure she might like, hard, soft, medium, and then there’s speed – fast, slow….it’ a guessing game at best. I lick the kitty in several places until I find the right spot. She’s squirming and arching her back now. Got her. I cup my hands under her buttocks and raise her up. Her back arches and she becomes stiff. I got the muff right in front of me now. A couple of times she tries to push my head away but I ignore it. She’s playing the game so many before her have – refusing to cum.

I’ve had girls tell me its against the rules. They’re not suppose to enjoy it. Blah blah. Probably in some sugarbaby rule book somewhere. The shit I hear I tell you. As usual, I just bulldoze right over that bullshit and mercilessly thrash the clit with my tongue. Before long she’s cums. Her body twitches violently as she grabs the back of my head. I remove my hands and let her fall back to the bed, then I wrap my arms around her thighs. No sooner does she cum then does she push my head away. She tries to move away but I anticipate as much and I pull her back to me and continue my assault on the clit. “Babe, st—“ she tries, but I’m going to town now. No intention of stopping.

Before long I’ve chased her across the bed, with my head buried between those creamy thighs.

She’s about to fall off the side when she sits up and says, “Okay. Stop baby. I’m sensitive now.”

As I move away from her slightly, I still see her stomach fluttering and her lower body twitching. I kiss and rub on her legs and lower torso while she recuperates. “I never came twice in a row baby,” she says, rubbing a hand over my head. That’s my cue….. I go back down again. She stops me and tells me its my turn. My kind of girl :) We switch. She licks the shaft a few times and looks at Bartholomew. “Its big baby,” she says, voice sultry now. She continues on, licking the shaft before taking Bart in her mouth and going down a quarter of the way. She has a pretty good technique of suction and simultaneously working the tongue on the shaft. Now it’s my turn to twitch and squirm like a little bitch. Pretty good fellatio I’ll admit. No deep throating, not a lot of saliva, but I’m satisfied. She stops suddenly and apologizes that she can give me a better BJ due to some teeth problems.

She doesn’t know I’ve heard that one many times before. “Oh I can’t give head because I had a tooth pulled” or “I’ve had some recent dental work so I can give you a BJ” or “I have braces, it may hurt you” or “I have braces and can’t open my mouth as wide …” or “I have problems with my wisdom tooth” even though she’s 25. But maybe Amoladora is telling the truth. She does happen to have Bartholomew in her mouth when she says it.  I tell her to keep going, she’s doing a good job despite her “mouth” issues.

I had no idea that was a precursor to future problems.

When Bart is good and hard, we slide on the condomn. She tries to get on top, but she can’t take it. I’m too big.  We switch and after a few gentle strokes, I’m able to get a good rhythm going. Baby is nice and wett. I think she’s a keeper.  Before long she’s raised her legs and wrapped them around me, encouraging my thrust. I oblige, burying myself deeper inside her with each thrust. Amoladora bury’s her fingernails gently in my back.

If you’re wondering how I remember this even so vividly its because  no sooner than it began then did it end. I cum before I know it. Damnit. I wanted to enjoy it more. But since I was sans Lamar Odom’s, my stamina was off. Bart was down and out. I would have taken them if I had known we’d be getting physical on the first date. I totally expected to pay for the wyp date and call it a wrap.

Afterwards we lay in the bed chatting. I inquire about her living situation and she tells me she has an old friend who lets her stay in the apartment. As long as she respects him she can stay but she wants her own place.

Him?

She explains its just a guy she knows that’s helping her out. But doesn’t offer more details. Smh. Always some weird shit in the sugar bowl.

I start to wonder if everyone on SA and Wyp is homeless or something.

I’m hard again from all the talking. Baby’s brown skin is enticing and sulty voice as she lays on my chest is getting me aroused again. But Amoladora isn’t interested. No second round for Daddy. She does want me to come back later though. Tells me we can sit on the porch and enjoy the 420. Her roommate will be working.

I get dressed and rush back to work. Almost five when I sit down behind my desk, just in time for everyone to walk past my office. Most thought I’d been there the whole time working with my door closed. Cool. As I put on the appearance of a long day of work, I get out my phone and get my connect up. No answer. I text baby the news but she still wants me to come back anyway. I close my eyes and thank whatever deity looks down on sugardaddies. I’m going to be taking my time tonight.

The family is out of town so I got the house to myself. I’ll be joining them in a few days. Going back to kick it with Amoladora is not a problem. No excuses to make up tonight. No lies. A few hours later, I’m omw back to Amoladora. I stop and get more wine and fruit. Back at her place, we sip wine and try and watch tv but we mostly talk.

Then she asks me the big one. “Would you mind helping me get an apartment down here?” The question catches me off guard. “Um yea. Sure.” Baby unloads about her situation. She wants an apartment in town and already has it picked out. She just needs help getting it. Finding a job has been close to impossible. “Honestly, I really don’t want to work at all,” she says. “I just need a daddy to take care of me,” she says.

I feel the S burning on my chest again. I have to control myself before I leap off the couch and into my Cap’n-Sav-a-hoe outfit.

I hear my cape flapping in the wind as I prepare to swoop down and save her. Ok I’m being silly.

But her request comes with strings. She wants me to get the apartment in my name. Uh…..

Suddenly I’m doubtful. I tell her I’m not comfy doing that. But she says she can’t get it in her name due to not having a job. I tell her how I can get her the documentation she needs, but she feels that’s fraudulent and doesn’t want to go that route. We go back and forth but baby is adamant that she wants the apt and wants it in my name. Amoladora tells me I’m less likely to run out on her if its in my name. It’s a story I’ve heard before. Babies want me to get a car or apartment in my name that way I’m obligated to pay for it. Not a bad approach actually. The only time I don’t want to do something like that is when I know the sugar isn’t going to last long.

But its never worked for me. Last time I signed a lease, baby girl ran out on the lease. Left me holding a fairly big rent payment. She was gone, apt was empty and I had 3 months left to pay. And that was the second time that happene dot me. The first time the girl left after a month and she damaged the floor. I’m still jaded about signing leases and stuff. So naturally, I wasn’t looking to even take the chance.

“Would you at least consider it?” she asks. Sure I say. With that, we start playing. We end up back in her room but she only lets me make out with her. WTF? Says she’s a little sore. I would have stayed home if I knew I wasn’t getting any nookie. I know. I was being selfish.  I get up to leave, but Amoladora doesn’t want me to go. She lays on me to prevent me from getting up. I like it. Feels good to be appreciated. “This is how it’ll be when we get my place.” Nicely done Amoladora. I’m warming up to the idea. We end up rolling around in the bed playing around before she falls asleep. I stay up another hour, Bart hard as a rock and nothing to do with it.

Fuck. I can’t win.

Staying the night is rare for me. Sugar babies usually don’t get down like that unless you’re off  on a trip or something. Baby lays on me the first part of the night  like I’m a teddy bear. But I wake up about 3am and freezing to death and hearing this grinding sound. I look down at my body and I have no cover. I look over at Amoladora and she has all the covers. WTF?  I’m so cold I’m starting to go numb. I keep hearing this gnawing, grinding sound. I manage to get part of the sheet from her stingy ass but it only mildly keeps me warm. I manage to doze off for a bit only to be awakened again by the sound. Now baby is back on me again, wrapped in the comforter, grinding her teeth together.

I can’t win I tell you. Smh. No nookie, freezing my ass off and this teeth grinder over here (Amoladora ) wants her own place. Only in the bowl.

I fall back asleep despite the cold and noise. I wake at 6 and I got morning wood. Really? Any other morning my old ass would be be as soft as tissue. But this morning I’m standing strong and nowhere to put it. I give. The sugar gods are frowning on me.

I wake Amoladora up and tell her goodbye and head back home to freshen up. I get to work but luckily for my tired ass things are slow. All the big boys are gone for a conference. Cool. I might close my door and catch a nap. Then my phone starts blowing up. Amoladora wants to know what I think about the apt. I see she’s well rested. We spend the rest of the day talking, mostly her trying to convince me to put the apt in my name and me saying no. Amoladora tells me she wants me to come back over that night. I have to fly out the next day to join the fam so I’m not sure. But she insist. She wants to get a hotel this time. Turns out her roommate came home and saw my shoes at the door and got uncomfortable. Said he couldn’t sleep with another man in the house. Go figure. I tell her we can use the house, which is usually a big no no. But the fam’s out of town so I’ll bypass the hotel. She also wants me to try and get the weed again. I hit up my connect and after work I swing by and pick up the cannabis.

I go by and pick her up. “Your car’s so loud,” she says. “It vibrates. Its kind of naughty.” I look over at her in disbelief and think to myself, I am so tearing this pussy up tonight.” We stop by the store for some cigarillo’s and we head back to my house.

I pop the garage and drive right in letting the garage down behind us, just in case the neighbors were watching. We head to the guest house and she cracks open the cigarillo and re-rolls it with the 420....

and then we head out to the patio with our drinks and stuff.

I pull out a Cohiba and light it. Hadn’t had one in awhile. We sip wine, laugh and talk as she blazes.

Damn I hope the neighbors aren’t in their backyards too. I put the cigar out and take a couple of hits with baby. Amoladora finished it tho, while sipping wine with me.

We’re both sweaty from being out in the summer heat so we go back inside and watch a little TV. She brings up the apt. again. I keep telling her I’m fine with paying for everything but she wants it in my name still. I tell her I’m strongly considering it, just to keep her from talking about it anymore. I’m ready to get to the rest of the night’s festivities. Before we can get started she’s got the munchies all of a sudden. We make a quick dash to the burger spot, get the combo and then back to the house.

After she eats half of everything (love how you sugarbabies hate to eat all your food around men. It’s the cutest shit ever. But I know your asses are hungry. ). We retire to the bedroom to have more fun. She excuses herself to the bathroom and a few minutes later she comes out wearing some sexy lingerie.

As we kiss, baby tells me she wants to spend the night again. And I remembered to take my Lamar Odum’s too? OMG I’m sooooo  going to miss my flight in the morn.

But, things weren’t as good as the night before. I go down and taste the kitty, but she stops me early and says, “Come fuck me……” I climb on top. No quickie’s tonight. I’m full of the herbals and I’m ready. Not sure how long I went, but baby grabbed me by the chin and asked me to hurry up and cum. Told me it was hurting. I decide to end things, dumping my unborn into the plastic latex. Afterwards, we lay in each other’s arms and talk more. She doesn’t bring up the apt. again. Instead we talk about all the things we’ll be doing together once she lives here permanently.

“We don’t have to use condoms daddy,” she tells me. Only in the bowl. “Once you get the apartment I’ll get on BC and everything. You’ll be the only guy I’m sleeping with.”

Then she hits me with more news.

“I have a son,” she says. I’m like WTF? Why the cloak and dagger. Why not tell me upfront. Not that it was a big deal or anything but I felt like we had a pretty good beginning so no need to lie. She tells me she didn’t want to scare me away. As a sugar daddy I’ve seen most everything so her having kids is no big deal. We kiss passionately and I try to get some more kitty but she’s not having it. We fall asleep at some point and she starts grinding her teeth again. It doesn’t keep me up this time and the next thing I know I’m staring angrily at the alarm clock going off.

We jump up, get dressed. “Can I keep the weed daddy?” she asks as we head to the garage. “I’ll keep it for us so you don’t have to worry about it.”

Heeeeeeeeell naw. She ain’t smoking up all my shit.I might need this in the coming weeks.

But I say nicely, “Oh no. i’ll give you some of it.” We head out before the neighbors are up leaving for work. I drop Amoladora off and then speed to the airport.

Over the next few days we keep texting here and there. Mostly staying in touch and talking about how much time we’re going to spend together when I get back. She wants me to hit up the apartments first thing when I get back. I must admit, by the time I board the plane to return to the states, I’m missing Amoladora.

I get back a couple days ahead of the family. Big board meeting on Monday so I had to be there in case the BoD had questions for me or my dept. For lunch, I go by Amoladora for some fun. She’s wearing a maxi dress, nothing underneath. We do little talking as I raise the dress up over her head to reveal her naked body underneath. I get a strong whiff of the body wash, signaling she’s all fresh for Daddy.  Once again I push her back gently on the bed and bury my face between her legs, thrashing that pink muff. This is a few rounds later so I know right where to concentrate on. Within moments she’s squeezing my head and ears…She tries to pull away but I’m unstoppable.  She starts shaking again and but she’s not running from me this time. She lets out along moan, signaling the bell had been wrung.

I get her up and make her turn around on her knees. Time for some doggie. I give her a nice slap here and there as I pound her from the back. Then I stop, grab her by the waist and pull her back and forth on me rapidly and repeatedly. “Daddy....” The ass looks like it has waves rippling through it as she she slams into me. I wish i could have took a pic of it too.

Yea I know.

Afterwards, we freshen up and swing by the apt. complex. Nice place. Two story condo’s. Nice neighborhood in uptown. They’ve completely renovated the apts. Wouldn't mind living there myself if I were single. We look at a few that are big enough for her and the youngin then go back to the office to fill out the paperwork and then we’re gone. She’s hungry so we stop by one of my fav Chinese places. The tone is changing rapidly. She’s nice now. More attentive. Even takes back my order because they messed it up. We talk more about the apt. She tells me about her son and how she came to be in the situation she’s in. Then she surprises me again, “Is it ok if I work daddy?”

“What do you mean?” I ask. She tells me with me paying her rent and giving her an allowance plush child support from baby daddy she doesn’t really need to work. But at the same time, she’s new to town so she can’t fathom what she’s going to do with her time. So she’s thinking about getting a job at a bar or restaurant. Cool with me. I take her home and just stop long enough for her to get out. “You don’t’ want to come in daddy?” she says, rubbing my arm.

Nah. I got to get back to work. I kiss her by and head back to work. I needed to get home before the fam came home and make sure nothing incriminating was left behind. I give the guest house a once over and then I have cleaning lady tidy up. That night, I meet with the Oracle. Needed to discuss the apt. thing. The whole idea of it in my name has me nervous. I need advice. The Oracle tells me it’s a bad idea. If I had known the girl more than 7 days, she’d say yes. But its too early. She reminds me of the last time I did this and how I was left paying on an apt for months while baby up and left. She also reminds me of the risk I’m taking. Anything could happen. Baby girl could run out on the lease and damage the place and I’d be responsible. Something could happen to her and her son and I’d be involved. On and on.

Hadn’t thought about all that.  A few hours later I text Amoladora and tell her I’m fine what paying for everything, but I just can’t put the apt in my name. Too risky and . For the next 24 hours we text back and forth on the subject. But I just can’t do it.

Then it happens. Just like many of the girls before her,  the text start trailing off. Generally its not apparent, but I notice immediately. I try to keep it going but Amoladora is fading fast from my grip. Damn. I thought we had a good thing too.

By now I’m texting I’m talking regularly with Casino and Firecracker. I’m also getting ready to meet Firecracker for the first time. As the days go on, Amoladora becomes more and more silent. Before text would be answered right away, but now hours go by. Soon, no response at all.

Amoladora’s exit is bitter sweet as it were. The pics of Firecracker and Casino got me quite excited. Two bad ass black chicks. Hadn’t really been involved with any since Nebraska. And Casino’s body is just quite simply – extraordinary. I hate it that things didn’t work out with her. I’ll tell you all about it later....

A week after things go cold, I’ve gone out with Firecracker. Casino’s stopped texting. But I still send Amoladora a text to see if she’s gone for good. No response. I do actually like her and other than the name on the lease I was going to make her quite comfortable. Then to add to my woes a week after that Firecracker goes MIA. She stops texting too. Sigh. I am not winning.

Now we’re in July and I’m SBS (sugababy single). Its looking like its going to be dry spell for the summer. Perhaps its time to get out the sugar game? Put up my Capn’ Sav’em outfit and cape?

By the time I’m ready to call it quits, Casino text me. She’ll be back in town the next day and wants too meet when she gets back….To be continued

[yoyoplisetsky]

I decided that in order to put a little more positivity and love in this fandom, I wanted to do a fic rec list every week of every fic that I read and write. It’s a long post, but I’m not sorry. They’re organized in the order that I read them or wrote them, from least recent to most recent. Got suggestions for me, or want to scream about some on this list? Come talk to me, I want them all!

THINGS I READ THIS WEEK (~5/20-5/27):

come on baby, let’s do the twist! - renaissance - The year is 1964, the Winter Olympics are in full swing, and Yakov is determined to win gold and be himself—and, of course, show his beautiful and perfect girlfriend Lilia how much he loves her. (My review: look i super love yakov, and this fic is a very cute taste of past!yakov. loved it.)

somewhere in your shadow i - seventhstar - four times yuuri used the internet to secretly love viktor nikiforov and one time he proclaimed it to the whole world (My review: this was adorable, i loved it. awesome story about yuuri on the internet and in love with viktor <33)

set sail from sense (ch. 1) - spookyfoot - Dancer/Choreographer Katsuki Yuuri and Singer/Songwriter Victor Nikiforov are finally Twitter official. The catch? It's for the "fake" role-play accounts they use to escape the pressure of their official images — and neither of them know that the "fake" celebrity they're talking to is actually the real deal. (My review: Have I mentioned I love social media fics? I love social media fics. This was very cute, and I can’t wait for spooky’s update <3)

Mine (Ch 1-3) - JMonCheri - Wherein famous actors Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are forced to fake a relationship for mere reasons such as fame, money, and for teenage girls to make thesis long rants about them on Tumblr. A pact is made, then things snowball into a complete mess, and ya'll already get the idea where this is going... (My review: I love actor aus, and this one is written very charmingly, I love it)

The Bulge (Don’t Bring a Weapon to a Public Beach) - nagoyadelay - Victor posts a photo of Yuuri on instagram without realizing that it’s somewhat suggestive.A thirsty skating fandom collectively loses their shit. (My review: This fic is hilarious. Would recommend).

Kiss for The Greater Cause - Verudaru (veldygee) - Yuuri somehow managed to crack the dance studio's mirror wall. Phichit came up with an idea to come up with quick money. (My review: Also adorable and very funny. Loved it!)

Baby, I’m Preying on You Tonight (Ch. 5) - cuttlemefish - Yuuri and Phichit registered and named the pet shop when they were drunk. They didn’t exactly expect it to become the most popular pet shop in Seattle. (It was only supposed to be a front to fund Phichit’s (undercover) animal rescue missions.) Enter Viktor Nikiforov, the man with the pink Cadillac and the giant brown poodle (that's stolen Yuuri's heart), and Yuuri might have lost his mind, because apparently he keeps flirting with a client – and he never even notices. (My review: THIS FIC IS REALLY CUTE would recommend)

Espresso - withoutwingsx -  Prompt- You kicked two guys out for being rude but turns out they were a couple and now everyone including your crush thinks you're homophobic but you're actually 100% homosexual aka  Yuuri was not dealing with this shit today. (My review: Ahh, this was very well characterized, I adored it)

Pop Culture 101 - katsukiy - Yuuri makes Viktor sit through the entirety of The Star Wars series for a set of mostly selfish reasons. (My review: Yuuri and Viktor “”””””watch””””” Star Wars. A+)

whatever the mess you are, you’re mine (Ch. 1) - spookyfoot - Yuuri Katsuki's treading water after a humiliating failed audition for Megalopolis's premier ballet company, the Stammi Vicino Ballet. Meanwhile, 5 years post-forced retirement from a career ending injury, former SVB premier danseur Victor Nikiforov has established the city's hottest party planning company — but no one in his life seems to realize he's stuck in a holding pattern.When their paths cross at the annual Yu-topia Akatsuki friends and family banquet Victor's standard booking becomes anything but as shift the tides of one another's lives.  (My reivew: VikNik’s PikNiks was just as cute as I expected and I can’t wait for more)

Giacometti & Co. - Anna (artic_grey) - Against his shoulder and into the fabric of his t-shirt, Yuuri mumbled, “HaveyoueversleptwithChris?”He choked on his breath. Oh. Uh. “Errrr…” His mind raced. “A little?” aka the fic where both Viktor and Yuuri have slept with Chris. (My review: I love past Viktor/Chris, and I love past Yuuri/Chris, so this was awesome)

you can have my everything - spookyfoot - 3 times Yuuri strips out of self interest and 1 time he strips out of love.Featuring: high-stakes Monopoly, novelty aprons, aborted role-play, and a lot of banter. It's approximately 80% banter. (My review: a very cute story about yuuri stripping for himself, and then for viktor ;) )

#LoveHotelsAreAwesome - lucycamui - After the Grand Prix, Victor drags Yuuri to go sightseeing in Tokyo and stumbles onto an interesting aspect of Japanese culture... “Yuuri, what are all those?” Yuuri looked down the street that Victor indicated, as first seeing nothing out of the ordinary, but then realized that it was the buildings themselves that had caught his coach’s attention. “Well, uhh…” His heart sank a little when Victor started down the street, examinging blown-up display photos, with one of a room made up to look like the stereotypical image of a tropical resort. “They’re… love hotels.” (My Review: Ahh, this is adorable. Viktor Nikiforov is a ridiculous dork and I love him)

The one where Viktor Nikiforov is Gordon Ramsay - Eriskay - “Remember how I have a primetime show where I insult professional chefs for any dish that’s mediocre or worse? Forgive me if I’m reluctant to assume that your boyfriend’s friends will be okay with me crashing their potluck dinner.” In the end, Viktor does end up coming along for dinner. There, he meets Yuuri Katsuki, a man with a special talent for finding just the right balance between different flavours, and a smile as sweet as meringue. (My review: ahhh, this was super cute!)

Accidentally in marriage (Ch 4) - totaldislocation - Yuuri Katsuki, one of the dime-a-dozen top figure skaters certified by the JSF, ends in last place at his first Grand Prix Final after bombing his performance. When he thinks things couldn't get worse, he wakes up absolutely hangovered in an unknown hotel room with no recollection of what happened the previous night. Next to him is his idol Victor Nikiforov, now legally his husband. (My review: I love fake/accidentally dating/marriage, so this is right up my alley and super well written and adorable)

The Genevan Paso Doble - FullmetalChords - Insurance investigator Victor Nikiforov's world is turned upside down one night in Geneva, when he comes face to face for the first time with the thief he comes to call "Eros". Little does he know that their chance encounter will change the course of his life forever. (My review: this fic is so incredibly sweet and also nicely written wow i loved it)

THINGS I WROTE THIS WEEK (~5/20-5/27):

the “real” viktor nikiforov (Ch. 8) - So, fine, maybe Yuuri's a little bored and lonely when he likes a dating profile claiming to be Viktor Nikiforov. And, maybe, he's a little pathetic when he gets excited when the account messages him almost immediately after. And, he's definitely stupid for falling in love with someone pretending to be his idol, but he can't help it. It's not like it's the real Viktor Nikiforov, anyway. He knows someone is catfishing him, but he still falls ridiculously in love. (Or: The catfish au where they’re really sappily in love and I can’t stop them)

how to steal a gold medal stealthily - Viktor probably shouldn't have made the rule that they couldn't get married until Yuuri had a gold medal with so few major competitions left that season. It was a mistake that led to a series of very strange Google searches in the Katuski-Nikiforov household. Or, well, they weren't married, were they? So the household in which Viktor Nikiforov and Katsuki Yuuri lived, in love, but not married. Because Yuuri didn't have a gold medal. Yet. (Or: Viktor was an idiot, and Yuuri understands how to work Google)

deal or no deal? - Viktor Nikiforov would literally sell his soul to marry the love of his life, Yuuri Katsuki. Literally. (Or: Cary, I cannot believe you started a Supernatural au)

a kiss for a dish - Yuuri was sick of Viktor continuously leaving dishes in his and Phichit's apartment, and was going to do something about it. For a week, Viktor only got as many kisses as dishes he cleaned, unless he did them all. Also, they're in college, and three of them are strippers. (Or: The soft strippers college au fic feat. dishcourse)

[lazytacomoon-blog]

How much do you pay for car insurance?

"How much do you pay for car insurance?

i pay $130 /month and i think its too much

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Whats up with car insurance for teens?

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Where can I find affordable health insurance?

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How much would motorcycle insurance cost for a 15 year boy in the state of Wyoming?

Problem with insurance?

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What homeowner insurance?

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How much do you pay for car insurance?

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Cheap car to insure!?

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Can a vehicle be registered and insured to different people?

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Cheap car insurance for an 18 year old?

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How do I get auto insurance without getting my parent involved?

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""New driver, car, insurance etc..?""

I've started saving for my first car, driving lessons and tests, and obviously insurance. Any tips on choosing a car, and a teacher? How much would it cost, roughly? Detailed answers really appreciated, thankyou x""

How is mandating health insurance like mandating auto insurance (according to Obama)?

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How much does a semi truck insurance cost?

Hi I'm thinking to have a truck. I want to know about the costs. Please, help me. I want to know about cost of a semi truck like insurance and ... How much does a truck driver pay for insurance. Thank you""

Need a group for medical insurance?

Employer offers very skimpy medical insurance. Individual (i.e., non-group) insurance is very expensive. I have heard that groups have been formed so that members will qualify for group rates. Please tell which groups these are, and what you know about them. Many thanks.""

What is the best (price and care) auto insurance for someone with a DUI?

So about 7 years ago I made a mistake and got a DUI. I realize it stays on your record for 10 years but there has to be decent full coverage insurance in San Francisco that does set me back almost $200 every month. Any suggestions?

I need affordable pet insurance for my dog any suggestions. I cant pay more than 20 monthly right now?

I need affordable pet insurance for my dog any suggestions. I cant pay more than 20 monthly right now?

How much would the insurance cost with a 17 year old male driving a 1987 ford bronco 4X4 v8?

just wondering because i might buy one as a driving project truck

What is a Car Insurance Down Payment?

The insurance company is charging me $500 for a down payment. What is this?

Car insurance and 18?

I live in mn and my car insurance is going to be 300 and some for liability and full is going to be 600 a month Is that good or high I do have not a good driving record and i drive a 99 s10 blazer

How Much does it cost to insure a ferrari?

How Much does it cost to insure a ferrari?

How much do you pay for car insurance?

i pay $130 /month and i think its too much

Is an automatic car cheaper to tax and insure?

This may sound stupid, but i was looking into driving lessons when i came across an advert for an automatic driving school. I was wondering if, at the end of it, would it make an difference to my insurance if i had a stick or automatic? Thanks""

Where can I get affordable health insurance in PA for my new small business?

I am an enrolled IRS tax agent and have opened a small office with 2 full time employees. I need to find affordable health insurance for my employees. Does anyone have any suggestions?

""Axa car insurance, am I insured?""

I have my toyota avensis 4 door saloon car insured through my broker with Axa. The insurance certificate i have received says 5 door hatchback. I have rang my broker and have been told Axa do not recognise an avensis D4D vermont as being a 4 door saloon. I know what car i have, now i wonder am i really insured, if the insurance policy and the tax book dont match.""

Sued by insurance company?

i'm 25 and get health insurance through my work. But just recently, they've upped the fee for it: from $4/paycheck to $8/paycheck (that's weekly, not biweekly). I'm technically still able to use my dad's insurance till i'm 26 and i figure, if i can save $8 a week, then why bother using it through my work at all? But my supervisor is trying to tell me that if my dad's insurance company finds out that i'm eligible to get insurance through my work and don't use it, then they could sue me. Is this true? It shouldn't be up to them which insurance i use. I shouldn't have to pay for something i can get free somewhere else.""

Does having a 2 door civic make my insurance go up vs 4 door?

im 16 buying a civic. i like the 2 door civic coupes. if i buy a 2 door civic, will the insurance be higher than if i buy a 4 door civic?""

""If you have Amica car insurance, how much does 1 speeding ticket cost you?""

I live in Massachusetts. Have a perfect driving record but now I'm charged with 1 speeding ticket. How much more in insurance premiums will it cost me if I plead guilty? It's a regular speeding ticket, not DUI or wreckless driving. THanks""

What is the cHEAPEST car insurance???......?

4 a 17 year old

Cheapest car insurance for 1.4L Polo - 17 years old.?

i have a 2001 Volkswagen Polo 1.4 Automatic i cant get any automatic small engine cars, the smallest is 1.4L, theres the 1.0L auto Vauxhall Corsa - but i don't want that, everyone has it. What company does the cheapest insurance? Quinn Direct have gone bust. UK""

Is there anything I can do in to lower my insurance (17 Year old)?

Okay right now I'm 16; I've passed my theory test and when I turn 17 in April I'll be able to start lessons and take a test. My mum is giving me her Peugeot 206, X reg, 1.4L engine. It has never had an issue. I've looked at insurance quotes (for a full license under the assumption that I am 17) and on compare sites and the lowest quote I've found is around 2800 a year, the car will be stored in a garage but I wondered if there is a way to lower this? I hear the average price for a 17 year-old is 1400 a year? If anyone can give me some tips it really would be appreciated; I'm looking to pay monthly if that helps. Also, I'm a guy so obviously that will raise my prices right?""

Insurance and pregnancy?

I had a baby 4 months ago and had insurance from November 2011 until September 2012 ( I canceled as I could no longer afford it.) My husband got a new job and as of January 5th 2013 I will be covered under his plan ( a bit more affordable). The issue is I am pregnant ( very early). Will they consider this pre existing? This was not planned! I has an apt for birth control but my baby got ill and had to pay 3000.00 in medical so I had to push it back and now, I'm pregnant again.""

Where can an 18 year old male find cheap car insurance?

It's getting frustrating looking for insurance that a college student will be able to afford and buy food at the same time. Is there a car that's cheaper? Or a brokerage that's cheaper?

What Texas insurance company covers composition over wood shake shingles?

Hi everyone I'm selling a house and want to be prepared to answer questions about insuring a roof with composition shingles over wood shakes (or wood shingles). I have a major carrier, but I've heard there are insurance companies that refuse to insure these roofs these days. I'd like to know for sure what insurance companies I can say cover these roofs. I am in Dallas, Texas, so it should be a company that is in Texas. Thanks so much for your help!""

What are the best cars for insurance?

i am a 17 year old male living in the u.k. so far the best car i have found is a 1978 austin morris mini. insurance is 1600. btw, cars like saxo's and corsa's are around 2500 for me. basically, does anyone have any ideas for cars. i have already looked at putting my mum as a named driver, but it does not make much of a difference. any help would be brilliant, thanks""

Car insurance???

anyone no of places that do cheap car insurance for new drivers (i'll be 17 in january) oh by the way im in the UK!

Life and income insurance?

If I started income and life insurance when i started property investment for investment purpose only to cover investment,are the monthly premiums tax deductible""

Car Insurance?

How much do you think it would be (insurance wise) to put a 04 or 05 Mazda RX8 on my insurance? Cause its not under sports car since it has 4 doors. And it would be under my moms name.

""How much should my car insurance be, is there a downpayment?""

I am 16 and i am a boy :) I have good grades but not quite a 3.0 My car is a really old Toyota tercel, Its a v4. I would be going under my moms plan. Thanks :)""

""Car parked on drive, do I need insurance?""

I am buying a car in aprivate sale very soon, although will not be able to drive it until April 1st. Will I be able to just leave the car on my drive without insurance or is that illegal?""

What is the best car insurance?

im 18 i just bought my car and now i need insurance what is the cheapest insurance out there for a guy of my age?

Scooter Insurance Cost.?

I drive a 50cc scooter on my car licence. Been driving for 47 years. I was surprised when my insurance with Rampdale Insurance cost me 170 Full No claims etc. Im in the South Midlands. This is as much as I pay for a car. Is this the going rate for a small 50cc scooter.?

What does it mean for insurance to be underwritten?

I have a quote submitted to Hagerty Collector Car insurance and they told me that it is being underwritten, what does that mean?""

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

who do you think? im looking for east coast providers

What is the insurance cost per month for a 16 year old to drive a 2000 mustang GT?

Hi im 14 so i will be taking drivers ed pretty soon so my dad said to start looking for a high school car. I found this 2000 Ford Mustang GT thats only $7500. I just need to know how much the insurance would be because i know that sports cars have higher insurance costs than most other cars. If anyone owns a mustang and knows how much it costs or knows where i can get a quote i would really appreciate the help! Thanks!

Car insurance please help?

Car insurance arghhhh !!! help? OK how does this sound to you guys? my mum has two cars one of which is insured with me as a learner im 19 and my sisters as a full driver 22 she is also insured with her own car but on my mums so she culd take me out to learn and for emergency reasons ok so the second car is going to be insured under the same company on a diffrent policy with my mum only. aparently this sounds suspecious ?? pepole think the 1st car is mine but its NOT my mum will be the main driver on both i she will decided which car she takes one day and which the other not me but she got the second car because my sister who is insured on the policy aswell well her car broke so she took a lend of my moms which was annoying for my mom coz she needed it and when she takes me out to learn my mom got fed up waiting till we come back to she jist got a second car to aviod that ! when i pass my test yeah i will be a full liceance on the policy im currently on but that does not mean it will be my car ! only time i can driver it is if my mom or older sister is not using it. BUT ppl are convinced its mine and all that ? surley an insurance company cant refuse to insure???

Does your license get suspended for not paying insurance?

Does your license get suspended for not paying insurance?

How much do you pay for car insurance?

i pay $130 /month and i think its too much

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/colorado-auto-insurance-quotes-online-fiona-pope/"

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

(f/15, could Tash please answer this as I think (from seeing the posts on this blog) she is the most experienced with this? That isn’t meant to be offensive by the way…)

Okay, so, last year was living Hell for me. I’m gonna make 2017 a better year though, or at least try.

So basically, I was in this friend group on the internet with three other people since 2014/15. It was fun, trust me, we had some good times. And around 2016 it just went downhill. We started fighting more, life turned to crap for all of us, we started ranting to each other about our problems and such. And even though ranting is something good, since we were all doing it it also made the negativity stronger, y'know? None of us were really motivated to make our lives better. One night, one of the people of the friend group (I’ll call her A) was actually like “Let’s both just end it.” After I ranted to her. Even though I really wanted to, I just KNOW life is worth living somehow. There’s so many things I haven’t seen or done, and even if it feels like nobody will miss me, I’ll just think of my dog (as I’m 100% sure he will miss me.) Maybe that’s weird, but it works for me, and that’s what counts right?

So I tried being more positive, and I tried getting A to do the same. I made small challenges for myself like “think positive for a week, do stuff that makes me happy, stand up for myself more,” etc. It went great but the friend group, and especially A, (being the so-called “leader”) just brang me down every time. I’d be saying something happy about my day for once, and then A would go “you’re lucky my life sucks I want to die”. It’s frustrating, she just didn’t want to be helped and it really stopped me from being happy.

Then one night we got into this giant argument. Idk, I got into a fight with her boyfriend over something so small and silly. Instead of apologizing like I always do, I wanted to stand up for myself more and told him off. And she got all protective, kicked me out of the group and expected me to still be her friend outside of it. I was 100% DONE with letting her control me like that. We’d already had fought before and she also kicked me out of the group that time and I came crawling back apologizing but she didn’t even say sorry a single time. So.. I got mad.

And maybe I said some things I shouldn’t have said. I pointed out a lot of things I disliked about her and suggested her she’d either work on her flaws like I am or just get out of my life. She didn’t want to see things from my perspective. Instead, she blamed her problems. I also had problems, but I don’t use it as an excuse to be shitty to my friends? The least she could’ve said was sorry. Like even if you want to blame your problems instead of telling me “my dad always yells at me” you could’ve said “I’m sorry, it’s just frustrating for me that my dad yells at me every day, but it’s no reason for me to take that out on you.”???? It’s not that hard. Even my girlfriend at the time, agreed with me and said “it’s like A is just trying to guilt trip you into feeling bad for what you just said. like she’s not even thinking about you, just about herself.”

The whole friend group was on a forum (where we all met in the first place) & she PM'ed me later on that forum (because I blocked her Skype) she sent a really nasty message where she made fun of all my problems, all the things I trusted her with, pointed out my flaws too & she made fun of the death of my pets, things I ranted about to her, because I trusted her.

Okay. I’ve made some mistakes, I know I have flaws but. At Least I’m trying to work on them. At least I’m trying to make my life better. At least I can admit my mistakes and think of others. In the first fight we had, (where I came back crawling and apologizing) I realized I shouldn’t have done that, but I just couldn’t stand up for myself yet. And now I can.

I PM'ed the admin of the forum about it, ended up getting banned for a week (and she for a month).

So the first step of making my life better was cutting the whole group out of my life. I had to create new accounts on like every social media I had her on and I’m even planning to leave that forum. I do miss the memories, but then I remember I’m missing the memories and not the people in that memory.

So what’s the problem you may ask? I still feel so much hate for that girl, A. I wouldn’t have lost the two other friends if it weren’t for her. I even ordered something online for her although my family has money problems and she knew all about them. She was so grateful in that moment, but at soon as I started picking on her boyfriend she kicked me out. It’s just so rude. And that message she sent me about my pets just really hurt. And she knows I’m sensitive to that shit, that’s one of the flaws I’m working on. And she just took advantage of it. It’s even worse when you realize she’s 17 and I’m 15 and she supposed to be the mature one. And now that she’s kicked me out of the group for no GOOD reason.

Anyway, it’s just annoying that I hate her? It’s been like 3 months or something since we last talked. During the day I don’t even think of her at all, but as soon as I’m trying to sleep I just start imagining all these scenarios where I do horrible things to her, hack her computer, delete all her files, things like that. I’ve even had dreams where I did bad things to her, or she did them to me. And I bet I’m gonna have nightmares about her finding this tumblr post, screenshotting it & sending it to the friend group to laugh at me being miserable. I know, that’s SO unlikely. But yeah in nightmares anything can happen.

It’s frustrating, I just want her to be somebody unimportant, somebody I used to know, just a mistake I made in the past, learned from, and can now move on from. Make new friends and forget that they even existed. But there’s still a lot of hate ugh. She’s just having a fun time with that friend group and crap, I bet she never thinks of me anymore anyways. I mean it would’ve been easier if she hadnt sent me that message about my pets. I don’t know why that bothers me so much it’s just one of those things that really triggers me. I just love animals so much, especially mine. And she was all like “THEY’RE DEAD GET OVER IT YOU’RE NOT 8”. I just feel so much HATE. But actually doing bad things to her isn’t going to make things better.

Don’t worry too much about me though, because other than the dreams I have and the scenarios I imagine with her, I actually don’t think about her a lot anymore. I’m also MUCH better, and much happier now that she’s gone. I have another best friend I can always talk to and they are so much better than a friend group that didn’t even care about me in the first place. So yeah I just needed to rant about it, and maybe some advice on how to not feel so much hate??? Like I subconsciously hate her so much but I want her to be somebody I used to know, and nothing more than that, so I can start making my life better.

Sorry if it’s long I just like to give all the details so you don’t give the “wrong” advice eheh

TL;DR or short version: I cut 3 toxic friends out of my life, but I still feel a lot of hate for one of them, any advice?

hey there, I’m so sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you! )-: the inbox has been pretty full lately and this got a little buried, apologies

cutting toxic people out of your life can be difficult sometimes, I’m proud of you for doing it!! the online friendships you had sound really unhealthy and negative -- and yeah I agree with you, constantly talking about only the negative things can create a toxic environment. venting is good, getting things off your chest is good! but when you have a friendship group where it’s only ever negative thoughts and feelings, that’s not healthy.

I had a pretty big fight with a friend in march last year and our friendship ended because of it, it’s was something so lame and even now whenever I think about it? I get mad and annoyed too!! )-: it’s only been 3-4 months since this all went down and you cut A off, it’s natural that you still feel anger and frustration over it all. give it time friend, that’s all I can really suggest. you said yourself that most of the time you don’t think about it and that you’re much happier now that she’s not in your life anymore!!! that’s progress :* you’ve come so far and been proactive about your own well-being and happiness, in time the anger and bitterness will fade. 

delete her off snapchat, facebook, instagram and any other social media accounts? delete any songs that remind you of her and instead create music playlists that make you feel good and happy and positive, try not to think about her too much when you can. she’s someone who was a mistake to be friends with and it’s definitely sounds like to me that you’ve learnt from it?! you’ve talked about so much self-growth and reflection that resulted from the friendship and the ending of it, and that’s good too. just give yourself time, time helps to heal pain and anger like this. lots of love <33

- tash