#remember when I said I found a ton of old screenshots? yeah

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

the squad figuring if maybe he's surrounded by all his boyfriends, he'll calm down

[seeingteacupsindragons]

(Answering publicly as an ask with permission)

For screenreaders, the text reads:

Hello! Sorry to bother you again... You've mentioned quite a lot of times that you're learning japanese and I see you're even able to read manga in the original text(kudos to you for that!) I'm an aspiring japanese learner myself-I've recently mastered all the hiragana and katakana, but I'm kind of clueless how to continue from there, since I'm studying on my own. Do you maybe have any tips on what I could tackle next? Sorry that I couldn't send this as an ask. Unfortunately tumblr isn't really cooperating with me today. Thanks a lot in advance!

This is going to be a long story, because: this is actually the third time I’ve tried learning Japanese.

The first time, my parents bought me a (I’m told very expensive) program for Christmas when I was twelve to learn Japanese at home--it came with a bunch of CDs and books and things. It was a lot like all of the materials for a foreign language course, at home.

But I was twelve and didn’t know what I was doing, and had no support or encouragement from anyone else, just a desire to learn, so it didn’t end up really working out. I remember some of the info from the books, but honestly, it just didn’t work for me. I didn’t really even know how to use any of the stuff.

In college, I made it through three semesters of Japanese. I learned a lot there, but it, again, didn’t quite work. I had my classmates and a couple friends, a teacher, but I have never been motivated by grades, and there just wasn’t much of a reason to keep on.

Anyway, years later, JR happened, and I desperately wanted to read them, but I was nowhere near close to being able to tackle that. At all. So I picked up Duolingo and found that my Japanese from college was coming back to me, and that was pretty cool, but it’s not like I was getting anywhere. JR is much too high a level for me to really take a crack at.

And then I ran out of YuuMori scans.

This was back in...November? The end of October? When only up to chapter 27 had been translated, and a new chapter was getting uploaded in English every month or two. And I was dying, because I’d been reading like a volume a night and other people were definitely going to accidentally spoil things for me and I hate spoilers.

But a couple of my friends who are fluent in Japanese were reading it that way, and after I saw a couple screenshots, I noticed that everything had furigana in it, and after some puzzling with a dictionary, I could figure out some of the speech bubbles, because I still remembered my kana from college! Cool! I asked one if they thought I could manage is, and she was encouraging, so after a week of debating, I went and bought volume seven so I could keep reading.

This has been going much better, and I’ve been learning far more Japanese than I have before.

Why this time?

I have a really good reason to keep reading (YuuMori, yay! Fan comics! Random stuff from Japanese people on twitter!) that I can actually hope to mostly manage because it’s not too high a level for me to make it through (although...the politics in YuuMori is...rough.)

I have friends who are fluent in Japanese this time (did not have that before--I could ask the Japanese TAs in college, but we weren’t friends, so it always felt awkward). I can ask them for help, they correct me when I get things wrong, and sometimes I pop into their DMs like “Hey, I keep finding this weird grammar bit that I don’t understand and isn’t in the dictionary, what does it mean?” And since I’m livetweeting, if they see I got something very off, they’ll comment and go, “Hey, actually....” or will help if I’m totally confused.

One of them is a Japanese to English translator, so she gave me the recommendation for the Japanese to English dictionary I’m using (which is super useful, omg), and a browser extension, which is also really helpful.

Plus, having multilingual friends is really nice when I’m like “Hey, this part of learning a language is like...normal, right? It’s a good sign, not a sign I’m a total disaster?” and they can reassure me because I’m anxious.

Another friend also recommended this book called All About Particles, which has been useful for that part of Japanese that I reference a lot. Another recommended I pick up Learning the Kanji but I haven’t gotten around to that just yet.

I have a couple friends who are also not quite fluent who I DM back and forth in Japanese from time to time, which helps up both practice, too. Having a reason to really use the language is incredibly necessary for me. After all, language is a communication tool, right?

There’s also this cool website I found a few weeks ago that I haven’t had a chance to use yet called https://learnnatively.com/. It ranks Japanese books and manga on their difficulty, so you can buy and try to read them (after all, that’s how little kids in Japan learn Japanese--isn’t it?).

Another thing I was doing all fall and winter, but have mostly stopped now, was taking out a notebook (my old Japanese notebook, lol), and diagramming out the sentences. Okay, sure, I could look up words in the dictionary, but I needed to figure out how they fit together. So I would write them out in order with the particles, look up the conjugations and particles on google, and then note that, and then piece together how all the words fit together.

I don’t need to do that so much anymore (although it would probably be helpful, lol). But then, I’m very gifted with grammar and always have been. A couple of my friends who are fluent have commented they’re very impressed by how fast I’ve picked up the Japanese grammar, and even my mother was like, “Yeah, you’ve always been good at that since you were little...” And discussing some linguistic things with my friend who has a Master’s in translation led to her asking me if I’d studied it because I said things that she’d heard there, which..well, no, it just made sense to me.

So. I have that going for me, too.

There’s also tons of podcasts and YouTube series and things like that designed to help learning Japanese...that’s not really how I learn, so I haven’t been using them and can’t give any recs. But they’re certainly out there!

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing, and it’s been going pretty well, all things considered.

I hope this helped, and if not, was at least sort of interesting to read.

[touchmycoat]

Well I finished 判官 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

This is a wild ride. I like the theme in general, the cage and the puppet are a really cool idea. And the writing, the poignant slow pace with a shit ton of nature metaphor? The mundane daily life sandwiched between badass action and angsty narrative? The revelation of what Xie Wen did for Wen Shi and Wen Shi counters it with what happened to his soul? Hell damn, I screenshot like a maniac and sent them to my friend like "hey see this delicious hell? jump with me!" My favorite moment is definitely the "紅塵 Kiss" because it knocked me off my feet and robbed all my sense and sensibility. Very close behind are "wind and pine tree, the moon lightens for three thousand miles, the sky doesn't grant him the day to come home" (Xie Wen), "when there's no place to go they want to come home" (the disciples) and "don't look back" ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

I actually finished 铜钱龛世 also by 木苏里 beforehand so I kind of expected all the characters may somehow link together. I love the relationship between the old man and the boy so much. Since Cage 1 it hooked me into the story and it just keeps getting better as the plot processes. He said they have 缘 and the bluebird metaphor? Chef Kiss!

Not a fan of the antagonist here not just because he's sure a dick but I'm often not into the final boss. The things the main cast went through just... not worth it. It only took one event from the past to go differently and they don't have to end up with all that shit. But I guess it serves the theme of 缘 and Karma, fate just happens and goes out of hand no matter how hard you try.

Oh and the other clans. I usually see corrupted 正派 but they are good guys and what they do at the end to both the Zhang siblings and Xie Wen is really sweet.

And now I get myself into 全球高考 (currently the fourth exam) and man this is another wild ride (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

CONGRATULATIONSSSSSS AAAAHHH I’M SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

I’ve never read Mu Su Li’s other works, so this was my first time encountering her treatment of these kinds of themes! Like, human desire can manifest in terrifying ways but when you break through to the heart of it, it’s 1) a cage that traps/hurts/scares both the owner and people around them, and 2) it’s a very comprehensible feeling that nobody is above having.

BUT YEAH ALSO THE WAY SHE MANIFESTED THAT WITH XIE WEN/WEN SHI, “LOOK AT ALL THE TERRIFYING SHIT THESE TWO WOULD DO JUST TO KEEP ONE MORE IOTA OF PAIN FROM FALLING ON THEIR BELOVED.” YEAH I SERIOUSLY JUMPED OFF OF SOMETHING VERY HIGH WHEN WE LEARNED WHAT HAPPENED TO WEN SHI’S SOUL.

i’m all about nature metaphors my friend TTTT Mu Su Li writes them so fucking well, and you’re 10000% on point with the poignant slow pace. The image that has stuck to me and continues sucking out my life’s blood to this day is Wen Shi, as a child and as a 1000+-year-old immortal, only wants to keep following Xie Wen. Wen Shi being the quiet baby snowman with his eyes fixed to the back of Xie Wen’s head????? I???? Kill me now?????

 > "wind and pine tree, the moon lightens for three thousand miles, the sky doesn't grant him the day to come home" fuck. me.

 > "when there's no place to go they want to come home" (the disciples) I’D BE ANGRY ABOUT THE OTHER TWO DISCIPLES IF I WEREN’T SURE AT LEAST ONE OF THE EXTRAS WILL BE ABOUT THEM aaaaahhh like, what the fuck. The lost-and-found family is so goddamn compelling TTTTTT Bu Ning.... baby.... babyboi..... you deserve the world.... or like a matcha latte i bet he’d love those....

 > DON’T. LOOK. BACK. eXCUSE ME. EXCUSE MEEEEE. XIE WEN???? AND THEN MOTHERFUCSKLJDNFAKSDJNFLAKJSNDLFJNALSDJFLSD WHAT WEN SHI DID I’M!!!! I’M!!!!!!!! I’M SO ANGRY BUT I’M ALSO SO!!!!!! HAPPY!!!! I HATE THEM THEY!!!! I LOVE!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!!

yeah re: the antagonist, on my first readthrough i def had a moment when i was like, “oh. this guy? this motive? ...is this working for me?” But I totally decided yes ‘cause that scene was more about how badass Xie Wen and Wen Shi were LMFAO. What happened to Xie Wen and the disciples definitely feels hella not worth it!! I also remember thinking “jesus fucking christ that’s so terrible?? are they just gonna gloss over this??” re: Bu Ning but. Ack. I honestly don’t know if I’d enjoy the novel better if it were longer, and tied up every emotional loose end. THIS IS WHY WE NEED A FANDOM THO, to give us a resolution on these disciples feelings ;;;;

mmmm 緣 and karma as themes!!! I totally agree. There’s something really powerful too about the way Xie Wen kept up his calm/peace/resignation throughout the ending because he really is very much riding on that wave of 緣&fate. aND IT LEADS HIM BACK TO WEN SHI HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

oooh!! i have not heard of 銅錢龕世!! Do you recommend~? My friend was telling me how much she enjoyed Pan Guan ‘cause she thought Mu Su Li’s other works were too long and suffered for it skdfjnksdjnfsd but I know nothing. And i’m thinking of starting 全球高考 too!!!!!! eyes emoji eyes emoji eyes emoji

[moviestorian]

Im glad the asks helped! I have anxiety and depression and can understand what youre going through. My ask today is what are your thoughts on Bo Rhap as a movie?

Thanks! :) I’m above all extremely happy to see people on this site being so kind and supportive in time of need, it’s a human quality that will never get enough praise! I’m also really sorry to hear about your problems. :( I send you lots of love, I can imagine how difficult it must be for you, but I’m sure you're strong and coping❤️

As for your actual question - that’s some truly excellent and interesting timing, considering that I rewatched BoRhap (with @incblackbird) literally three days ago. :P It was already my third rewatch, and while I enjoyed the movie overall, I liked it quite significantly less than upon the last time I saw it. Of course, there’s been gazillion discourses about BoRhap, whether it’s genius, extremely evil, etc., but since it’s such a broad topic (and I think some of my opinions could potentially outrage certain parts of the fandom), this time I’m going to stick to purely cinematic terms.

Needless to say, the soundtrack is excellent - with music such as Queen’s you don’t really have to do much, but they made a good choice of songs, alternating between their best known hits (We Will Rock You, Somebody to Love, Bohemian Rhapsody) and songs to fit the narrative (Doing All Right, Now I’m Here, Who Wants to Live Forever, Love of my Life). It’s practically impossible to leave the screening of BoRhap without at least one Queen song stuck in your head.

The cast was overall very good, too. My personal favourites in terms of acting were Gwilym Lee (who I liked even more than Rami), Rami Malek, Lucy Boynton and Allen Leech - I think they did a great job with their roles as they were written (whether their characters were well written or not is a subject for a whole another discussion). All the side characters were well acted, too (Mike Myers, Meneka Das and Aaron McCusker, for instance, I found particularly memorable), but I must admit I wasn’t a big fan of Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy, but even they weren’t bad. So, acting is definitely one of the strongest points of the film.

Moving on, I also think they did a great job when it comes to costumes (Brian lending some of his old clothing definitely helped) and make-up (except for Roger’s wigs, perhaps); the choreography and stage movement for the characters were super well done, too - and it definitely wasn’t an easy task!

Now, let’s discuss cinematography. I will talk about editing in a separate paragraph, so for now I’m gonna stick to other aspects. The composition of shots struck me as rather mediocre, nothing particularly exceptional in either good or bad way, it was pretty basic but rather correct. Of course, there were some shots I really liked, but if I were to start adding screenshots the post would become way too long. XD The colours I really liked, especially in the musical scenes - they were vivid and lovely, and they used a combination of colours that I tend to appreciate in cinema, like various shades of blue and red. Finally, the camerawork - for dialogue scenes it was correct; again, rather average with some use of handheld camera which served no particular dramatic purpose, but it wasn’t nowhere near very bad, also it’s quite a common thing in modern biopics I would say. Handheld camerawork isn’t bad in default, but my comment largely comes from my personal preferences: in most cases I don’t really like it, especially when it’s particularly shaky. Then, there are scenes in BoRhap which display excellent camerawork, namely Live Aid and We Will Rock You scenes. If most scenes were filmed like that, I would give the movie a higher rating.

Before I move to the worst (imo) cinematic aspects of the movie, let’s have a look at writing. It is probably the most divisive thing in the fandom - people seem to either adore or absolutely loathe it; my stance lies somewhere inbetween. The first time I saw the film (I’m gonna remind you that I’ve seen it four times), I had certain objections, but the script didn’t bother me all that much; I was mostly simply having fun in the cinema. With every next watching, the experience was getting gradually worse, but even now I don’t hate the movie. Yes, some of the dialogue is cheesy, trite and makes me cringe a bit - certain parts of the script definitely end on an “overly sentimental” territory, I can’t deny that. Knowing quite a lot about Freddie, Queen and their stories, I generally think they deserve a better script; some characterisation was a bit offputting and chronology was all over the place. Having said that, I understand where some of those narrative choices come from, as scripts for mainstream movies require oversimplification of events, archetypes, and patterns. And quite frankly, I don’t think BoRhap differs any drastically from most modern biopics; it’s not a masterpiece, but - in my opinion - it’s also not bad overall. Regardless the flaws of the script, the movie still managed to emotionally affect a huge, if not major, portion of viewers, entertain and move them, and honestly? I think that was pretty much the point. Btw, there were some lines that I really loved, like “Puritans in public, perverts in private”, and I still think that their decision to cut from Live Aid performance to Ray Foster’s grim face during We Are the Champions was the funniest shit ever. XD Would BoRhap’s script benefit from sticking to historical accuracy? I’m gonna say yes, I think so - the scenes that were the closest to actual events are definitely the strongest - but this approach would require tons of changes, including narrowing down the narrative scope and probably the characters, too. Also, a lot of people keep forgetting that this is not an arthouse, niche film and therefore resorts to narrative and cinematic choice that compromise between satisfying the fans and the newbies; it’s meant to tell a (simple) story and entertain, not educate and provoke existential and philosophical debates. Still, I think the script could have been done a bit better, because some scenes  (the tour “Now I’m Here” montage) feel a bit...random?

Finally, the infamous editing. I totally agree that it was one of the most undeserving Academy Awards that year, because some scenes were simply atrocious, with their unmotivated and overly fast cuts and unreasonably ridiculous face that doesn’t fit the dialogue scenes, and those are honestly the worst when it comes to pacing and editing. I think the editing is the worst aspect of BoRhap; but even here, I could point at some examples of pretty amazing editing (Oscar-worthy? Not necessarily, but definitely very good); again, I’m gonna bring up Live Aid and “We Will Rock You” scenes, especially the latter, because less people talk about it. I already mentioned that it has some really nice camerawork AND colours, but also the editing is actually really cool, because it’s cut to the music! Which makes me think: “what a shame!”, because if they went with different editing choices, the movie would be affected in a positive way. The way we have it, it’s either a hit or miss (sadly, mostly miss), and the badly edited scenes are pretty striking, so the ones that are done nicely are unfortunately a wasted potential.

Okay, this is already waaay too long, so I’m just gonna finish with a few general remarks. Well, despite BoRhap’s flaws, I still like and enjoy it. With every screening slightly less, but enjoy it anyway. I don’t think any amount of discourse will ever take away my positive experiences and memories from seeing it twice in cinema. It sparked my previously dormant love for Queen and united me with some people in the fandom and in real life; making this movie made Brian and Roger happy; as a result, I like this movie. It brings back a lot of positive recollections, which sometimes is more important than critical discussions. And boy, do I adore those - I’m often critical and I adore analysing stuff academically; but I think that not all daily interactions require those and depending on who’s asking and what about, I’m capable of switching between the two options. If somebody asks me in 25 years whether I remember the times of BoRhap’s release, I’ll be far less likely to say “yeah, the editing sucked and writing was cringy, I remember the discourse on tumblr and instagram” than “Yes, I remember that chilly evening in December when I had a really fun time and ended up with 10 Queen songs stuck in my head”, because the latter is the experience I want to remember.

Thank you for this ask! Hope it wasn’t overly exhausting to read, I didn’t proofread this, sorry! xx

[aka-willow]

Gone

gif

Words: 2012

Characters:  Willow Wren, Gooblin, Pip, Pingu, Burr, Spark, Danny, Manny, Dew, Fanisimo, France, Sabbath

Prompt/Tag:

“are you finishing that or…?”

“You’re going to get someone hurt.”

Summary: Willow speaks with the other Lab Rats about their past and future

Timeline: December 2015

Song: Gone - M83

A/N: the more you know

—————————————————————————–

The Lab Rats and I met at Gooblin’s fire tower on Christmas Eve. We set up sleeping bags in the tower and lit a bonfire down below. It should have felt like a party, being together for the first time since the summer, but it didn’t. It was somber instead.

On the heels of Marty’s death, the boys were sure that they were being trailed in Vegas, and Sabbath had botched a leak, accidentally forgetting to strip one of the files of metadata. It was a rough week and so we sat around the bonfire, staring down the end of our first year of freedom.

“Sometimes,” Pip said, slowly. “I think we should just turn ourselves in.” I shot a look at him.

“Why?” Burr asked. “Did you see something?”

“No,” said Pip, gazing into the fire. “I mean, not specifically. But when I do get those flashes of the future, I just see…” He looked at me and I frowned. “I just see… those planes that SHIELD used to have. It’s really dark. Surrounded. Loud. Maybe we should turn ourselves in before things get bad.”

“I’m not turning myself in,” said Pingu, poking the embers with a stick. “I hardly even use my powers. I’m not a threat.”

Except for D.C.

“Yeah, and neither is magic tricks,” said Manny, looking at Danny and France. “Pip, you know what we do. How can you say that’s dangerous?”

“I’m not saying it’s dangerous,” Pip said. “I’m saying that we’re perceived as threats.”

“Not me either,” said Sabbath, and Spark nodded her head in agreement. “Most of us are just trying to get our lives together. Even Dew is, which… I’m honestly kind of surprised.”

Dew laughed. “Well, superbrains aren’t exactly obvious. And the mirror thing isn’t either.”

“So, what?” I asked. “Who are you talking about?” I asked Pip. “Me? Fanisimo building things for us? Burr’s out there robbing banks in Europe.”

“I’m not violent,” Burr shot back. “It’s all behind the scenes.”

“So what, I build things?” said Fanisimo. “As long as I don’t open up a nether portal, I think we’re okay.”

That left me, and I felt their stares. “You want me to turn myself in,” I said. “That’s me you’re seeing in your vision.”

“I didn’t say that,” Pip mumbled.

“You implied it.”

“What’s going on in New York?” Danny asked. “I see the news, and maybe to outsiders it’s not suspicious, but to us? What are you doing? Every time I check in it’s like a new disaster or unsolved crime or—”

“I’m fine!” I said.

“You’re going to get someone hurt,” Sabbath said. “Or get yourself hurt.”

I ignored her and played with Marty’s flash drive in my hands. I had put it on a chain so I could wear it around my neck and the metal was cold between my fingers. Pip cleared his throat and asked Pingu about how school and home was, and the conversation shifted away from me. I grabbed my laptop from my backpack and plugged the flash drive in, trying key after key on WinRAR, nothing working. The file stayed zipped.

France and Pip got into a debate about whether France could use his powers to heal to resurrect someone who had died, as he had gotten some strange blood or healing abilities from the Blue Lab.

“You can’t resurrect someone,” France said. “It’s not possible. You can’t heal death.”

“But you haven’t tried,” Pip said. “Maybe you just need to try.”

“Wanna volunteer?”

The others laughed and it reminded me of something Marty had once told me. “Hey, Sabbath,” I said. She was sitting next to me. “You know the musical Cats?” I knew she was obsessed with musical theater, and if anyone appreciated the factoid, she would.

“What about it?”

“Well, if you trace the events from its production, it started with a German necromancer from the 1400s. So some guy tried to raise the dead in medieval times and we ended up with a musical about cats.”

“That can’t be real,” said Sabbath, pulling out her phone and opening the internet browser.

“It is,” I said, trying a few more book titles as keys on Marty’s file. On the other side of the fire, Spark and Gooblin stabbed sticks through marshmallows and began roasting them, as Spark joked about singing Christmas carols and Danny nudged Spark, pointing at a burnt marshmallow. “Are you finishing that or…”

“Wait…” Sabbath started. “John Faustus?”

“Yeah, I think,” I said. “Neat, right?”

“That was the name of the…” Sabbath started, and the rest of the circle got quiet as she typed something else into her phone.

“Name of…?”

“Doctor Faustus, deal with the devil… Faustus,” said Sabbath. “I remember now. That’s what they called it. At the Facility. With the words, that’s what they called it. Holy shit, that’s what it was. Do you guys remember? They used to use it when we started to… I don’t know… get out of line? They always said the same phrase, but I remember… there’s so much there…”

It was as if a ding went off in my head. Look up Doctor Faustus when you get a chance; it’s a wild read. I slowly typed doctorfaustus into the box, and suddenly the dialogue box cleared, and the folder opened up.

“Guys, guys, I got it,” I said in disbelief. “I got into the files Marty left me. The password was Doctor Faustus. Why is that…” The other Lab Rats on the other side of the circle got up and came around the fire to stand around me as I clicked to open the folder and extract the hidden files. “Marty was on to something,” I whispered. “Marty knew something…”

I opened the folder and the screen filled with a ton of subfolders. articles. hydra wikileaks. shield wikileaks. social media. scam stuff. willow. patterns.

I first clicked on scam stuff, my hands shaking, and when I opened up the folder, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. There were archived emails, text files, screenshots of a conversation Marty had with someone at a data recovery center. The words blackmail crossed the screen. A data dump of archived HYDRA documents.

How the hell did Marty get his hands on this?

“What the fuck?” France asked. “What was he doing?”

I opened his hydra wikileaks folder and found pages and pages of documents from the 2014 leak, all organized and collected, exploring every bit of data that was released. And then patterns. There was a single video, and I recognized the file name from Marty’s blackmail at the data recovery center. He had stolen it, stolen it straight from HYDRA. Marty did that. Somehow, that anxious, goofy, weirdo kid did that. He did that for us. And paid the price.

“Click on it,” Dew said.

“I don’t know…” I started.

“Click on it,” Manny interrupted. “We have to watch. We have to know.”

It was a stream of a video conference, and at the center of it was Doctor Dawn Turner, sitting on a desk with a stack of papers next to her. The video was titled report_5232014_turner. She began talking and her voice sent chill straight through my heart, and some of the other Lab Rats instinctively stepped back from the screen or avoided looking altogether. The words seemed to bleed together as she discussed progress and assignments and Fausta. Monster. It was so cold, so clinical, but we started to recognize our subject numbers. Subject 10. That was me. October.

“This is about us,” Pip murmured, and we shushed him.

Resets. The Monster Book. Triggers. Compliance.

The video ended and I saw our reflections on the black screen. My heart pounding, I opened up articles. The folder contained screenshots of news stories, some pulled straight from old newspapers. I clicked through them using the right arrow key, but I hadn’t made the connection, not yet.

“These are all really old,” Burr said. “Look, that one’s from 2008.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” I said. “These are all… deaths? Obituaries? But not even of anyone important.” I continued to sort through, but I felt the pit in my stomach deepen. “This is a family in Russia. Middle of nowhere. Look at that place.”

“That’s the house from…” Fanisimo started and we turned to look at him. “I remember that house. Those woods. The cold.”

“No, this can’t…” I started. “This isn’t right. You can’t remember it. We never left the Facility.”

The faces continued to pop up on the screen and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I wasn’t supposed to, I remembered. Every single one. I clicked faster and more articles continued to come up, more unnatural deaths, more…

“Go back to the video,” Burr said. “Go back.”

We watched it again, listening closely, until Pingu interrupted with an “oh my God.”

The Monster Book. October, shh. It’s time to play Monster. Sumerkey. Nothingness. The chair. The electricity. October, are you ready to comply?

“This isn’t real,” I said. “It can’t be,” and my breaths were shallow and heavy like I had just run a marathon. “We didn’t do this. We couldn’t have. We’d…”

“Remember,” Fanisimo finished.

“They weren’t training us all those years at the Facility,” Dew whispered. “We were already working the whole time. We were… you know…”

“Killing,” I said. “That’s what Monster was. Sumerkey was the start of a series, but of course I wouldn’t remember beyond that. We’d… change somehow. Complete the assignment. Return back to the Facility. There would be a reset. And over, and over, and over.”

“How many times,” Sabbath asked, and I turned to look at her, seeing tears reflecting the bonfire’s light. “How many times were we reset? What did we do?”

“That’s why I wrote the word,” I said, thinking out loud, speaking slowly as I put it back together. “Sumerkey, on my arm. That was the last thing I remembered every time. And I realized that if I wrote it on my arm, I could pull myself out. Remember who I was before that. Or… at least… fight it. That’s why.”

The fire crackled and hissed as we played the video again, and again, as I tried to absorb Marty’s last gift to all of us. This is why they came for him, took his devices. He must have left digital fingerprints. Of course. He didn’t understand what he was dealing with. And that’s why he hid the drive.

Did he know? Did he know they were coming for him?

I looked at the dates on the drive. Marty knew. He knew all of this about you. And he still… I wanted to cry, but instead I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking into the fire as if it could evaporate the tears out of my eyes. Marty, why did you have to go looking? Why did you have to do this?

We were always the bad guys. We weren’t innocent in all this. That family…

“I can’t believe that…” Pip started, but he couldn’t finish the sentence, choking up over his own words.

“Why?” Pingu asked. “Why did they have to? 2008—we were seven. Seven years old.”

“I’m done with this shit,” Sabbath said, walking away from the fire. “I’m done. I didn’t want to know all this.”

“Fuck this,” said Danny. “I’m done, too. Why…”

The tears were contagious in our gathering and as we silently wept that Christmas Eve, we remembered. Remembered what we had done, everything we were supposed to forget. It came in flashes, in jolts of electricity, and the same series of words over and over and over. The fear when I saw Doctor Turner come in with the Monster Book. I remembered that now. Not being able to stop it. Even if the reset made us forget, that little girl still remembered every time the door opened, and the book was set down on the table.

And Marty knew. Marty knew.

They wanted us to be killers? I’ll show them a killer.

[astronomyparkers]

The Princes and The Pauper

Warnings: Drug mention (very brief)

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader x Harrison Osterfield

Word Count: 4.7k

A/N: Here it is guys!  The au everyone has been asking for since last summer!  I roughly outlined the plot of this in a long post of text screenshots, but here is the full, finished first part!  This series will become very NSFW as time goes on, and because of that, I think I may do a bit of a different posting schedule?  The way i see it in my mind right now (which could very easily change because I am a deeply indecisive person) is that after the first few chapters, this au will mostly just become smut, without much driving plot.  I know not all of you want just smut, and would like to see some actual developing plot and characters, so what I may do is have two stories going at once, and swap on updating them?  That way, those who want smut will get smut, and those who want plot will get plot.  The only problem with this is that we all know I’m not the most reliable for updating?  So I’m not quite sure how that’ll work out. But!! That’s further down the road! For now, here is the first part! I really hope you like it, and let me know what you think!

{masterlist}

You weren’t exactly sure what the proper thing to be running through your mind as you raced down the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art should be.  It’s not like there was ever a time where you thought that the situation would come up.  And even if there was, you certainly didn’t expect to be in a long gown like some kind of modern Cinderella, chest heaving as you raced to escape the three security guards following behind you.

Maybe you should’ve been thinking about what exactly had led you to crash the gala, attended by New York’s wealthiest.  Maybe you should’ve been thinking about how you knew better than to listen to Jade’s crazy plan.  At the very least, you should’ve been thinking about your phone number, hastily scribbled on the hand of one of the very men standing on the steps above you, watching as security chased you down the famous stone steps.

Instead, as you dove head first into the waiting taxi cab, barely inside before Jade and Penelope yelled at the driver to step on it, the door not yet shut behind you, all you could think was,

Next time I have to run away from security, I should wear block heels instead of stilettos.

It had been Jade’s idea in the first place, which should have been your first clue that it was nothing but trouble.  Yes, your friend was brilliant, ambitious, and cunning, but whenever you got involved in a plan of hers, it usually ended with something unpleasant.  Like when she had convinced you and Penelope to go to a “group study session” at a frat house the night before your psychology final. Or when she had said “Really, Y/N, drinking raw egg, Worcestershire sauce, and hot sauce together will totally cure your hangover!” the morning of your psychology final.  You loved Jade dearly, but most of her plans brought you way out of your comfort zone.

Like this one was about to.  Even before she had explained it, you could sense that it wasn’t going to be completely enjoyable.  The mischievous shine in her eyes was never a good sign, especially when you noticed it in the middle of Central Park.

“So I know we had planned to go to the Empire State Building tonight,” Jade began, pausing to sip her ridiculously expensive coffee as she spoke. “But I have a different idea.”

“What?  But it’s supposed to be really clear tonight!  We could see so many stars and—”

“We can still see stars.” Jade interrupted your response. “Just…not the kind you’re probably imagining.”

“What do you have in mind?” Penelope asked in a curious voice.

“Well…” Jade dragged out the word, a smirk coming over her features. “When you two were standing in line for coffee, I overheard an interesting conversation about a gala being held tonight, at the MET.”

You felt your stomach drop. “Jade.  Please tell me this isn’t going where I think it’s going.”

“Aw, come on, Y/N! It would be fun!”

“How is getting arrested in New York fun?” You asked incredulously. “Look at me!  I wouldn’t survive in jail!”

Jade rolled her eyes. “Okay, first, you’d just need to find the scariest inmate and become their prison bitch.  Second—”

“That sounds terrifying!”

“We wouldn’t get caught!  And even if we did, they wouldn’t throw us in jail.  Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Jade, you’re like, the queen of dramatics.” Penelope said, amusement in her voice. “Have you met you?”

“Nevertheless,” Jade shrugged and paused her walking, leaning against a metal fence. “I still think we should try to go.  We brought formal wear, right?  We might as well use it!”

“You know this could end horribly, right?” You fiddled with the coffee cup in your hands. “Like, really horribly?”

“Look, it’ll be a fun night!  And, worst case scenario, we end up in a McDonald’s at midnight, slightly overdressed, with a really fun story to tell.”

“Jade—”

“Y/N.” She mimicked your voice as she pouted out her bottom lip and gave you puppy dog eyes. “Please?  It’ll be so much fun!  And, if it does end badly—which it won’t—I give you full permission to say ‘I told you so’ as much as you like.”

Biting your lip, you glanced between your friends. “Penelope?”

“I don’t know…” Penelope shrugged, a small grin coming over her face. “It does seem like it could be fun…”

“See?  Even Penelope wants to go!” Jade finished her drink with a satisfied smile. “That’s a majority vote.  We’re going.”

“Fine!” You exclaimed, rubbing a tired hand over your cheek. “Fine.  We’ll go.  But you’re the one who has to call my mother and tell her what happened when we need bail money.”

Jade tossed her coffee cup in the garbage and linked her arms with yours and Penelope’s as the three of you resumed walking.

“Tonight is going to be life-changing.  Just you wait.”

 The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur of hairspray, walk-in waxing appointments, and last minute trips to the closest drug store to pick up lipstick after Penelope accidentally dropped her favourite shade of pink in the hotel toilet. Despite your reluctance at trespassing at a gala at the MET, attended by New York’s wealthiest, you had to admit: it was fun to have somewhere to go that allowed you to wear sparkly, strappy heels and a beautifully beaded crimson dress.  It was something you had purchased for a cousin’s black tie wedding the previous fall, only for the wedding to be called off.  While the wedding was cancelled before a refund on the venue was too late, the same couldn’t be said for the formal gown you were left with.  You had thought you would never have anywhere to wear it again, and you would almost be thankful for this night if it didn’t make your palms sweat with anxiety.

In the back of the taxi on the way to the MET, your friends could tell you were nervous.  You kept adjusting your choker, fiddling with your hair, and tugging at the sleeves of your dress like you usually did with sweaters in the winter.  Jade took your hand and gave you a calm smile.

“Y/N. Breathe.  Remember, nothing bad will happen.  We’ll get in, hang around for a few hours, and then get out.  It’s just a museum visit.”

“Right.  Just a museum visit.” You said, taking a deep breath as you twisted the silver ring on your finger. “Just a museum visit to one of the most famous museums in the country, filled with priceless works of art, surrounded by rich socialites and tons of security.  Just a museum visit.”

Penelope rolled her eyes as she smoothed her flowered skirt. “Just keep your mouth shut and smile, okay?  You’re a horrible liar.  Let Jade and I do the talking.”

You swallowed hard and nodded as the cab pulled up down the street from the MET.  Penelope climbed out first, grabbing your hand and tugging you out as Jade pushed you from behind.  You stumbled onto the sidewalk with less grace than you would have liked.

Jade laughed a bit and shook her head as she paid the cabbie while Penelope held your shoulders to help you balance.

“Remember. Mouth shut, Y/N.” She said, fixing a strand of your hair.

You nodded again and followed her and Jade up the famous stone steps.

There was a long line of people waiting to go in, people with old money, new money, and everything in between.  You took a deep breath and gripped your small beaded clutch tight to try and calm your shaking hands.

The line moved quickly, and the closer to the door you got, the more afraid you were.  There was a security guard there taking tickets and checking bags of the partygoers, and you just knew that you were going to get caught.

“Jade—”

“Calm down.” Jade squeezed your arm reassuringly. “There’s a huge group of socialites in front of us.  We’ll sneak in with them.”

However, it seemed the group of socialites had other plans.  When their bags were searched by the guard, you could see he had found something unsatisfactory.

“Mr. Prescott, you know substances like this aren’t allowed in—”

“Aw, come on.” The young man he addressed flashed an artificially whitened smile and pulled out his wallet. “What will it take to make it allowed, sir?  My father would be happy to make a donation to any…cause of your choosing.”

You looked at Penelope and Jade with wide eyes, trying to signal that it was time to go.  Your friends, on the other hand, seemed to pick up a different sign.

With their heads held high, they subtly grabbed both of your arms and marched you behind the security guard, who had become distracted by the bribe he was receiving. Before you knew it, you were inside the MET.

You kept walking as fast as you could without seeming suspicious, the click of your high heels abnormally loud in the vast hall.  The three of you didn’t stop walking until you were camouflaged among the crowds of society’s finest, hidden in plain sight.

“Oh my God.” A smile spread over Jade’s face. “We actually did it.”

“Why do you look so shocked?  Didn’t you believe we could?” You asked as you eyed the crowd around you.

“Yeah, of course! Like, I believed we had a solid eighty-three percent chance to—”

“Eighty-three?” You raised your eyebrows incredulously. “You banked our freedom on eighty-three percent?”

“Hey, that’s an A- grade.” Penelope laughed as she grabbed three flutes of champagne from a passing waiter. “Thank you.”

You accepted the glass from your friend, sipping it to try to calm your nerves.  You had never been one for champagne, but seeing as how one glass of the liquid being served probably cost more than your university tuition, you thought it couldn’t hurt to enjoy.

“So, Jade…” You rubbed the corner of your mouth to make sure no lipstick smeared. “What now?”

“Now?” Jade glanced around the room. “We walk around.  Make some small talk.  Enjoy the art.  Let’s say we meet back here in around two hours?”

Your brow furrowed. “Actually, I think sticking together would be—”

“Come on, Y/N, live a little.” Penelope rolled her eyes and delicately lifted her skirt. “I’m going to head to the west wing.  Jade, you were saying you wanted to go to—”

“The east wing. For the Renaissance exhibit.”

You exhaled heavily. “Okay.  Fine. I’ll look around here a bit.  But in two hours, we meet back here.  And don’t be late!”

Jade grinned. “Oh, never.  Cross my heart.”

“Hope to die.” Penelope’s smile matched Jade’s as the two of them said their goodbyes and went off in different directions, disappearing into the crowd.

“Alright then.” You muttered to yourself, sipping your champagne liberally. “Guess it’s just me.”

 You wandered among the people, keeping to yourself as you looked at the exhibits.  As nervous as you were, you soon became entranced by the art around you.  Paintings you had only read about in books were displayed on the walls, and statues you had seen in countless films were close enough to touch.  Of course, no matter how much the marble beckoned you, you didn’t dare reach out a hand.  The last thing you needed was a reprimand from security, especially since you weren’t rich enough to pay them off.

Of course, being alone didn’t help you blend in.  Nearly everyone else attending was in a group of four or more, whispering among themselves as they milled about the museum halls.  Only one group of two stood out from the crowd as they conferred quietly in the corner, drinking champagne and glancing at the crowd with bored eyes.

They were two young men who looked close to your age, but that was where the similarities between you three stopped.  It was obvious from the way they carried themselves to the quality of their suits that was noticeable from across the room that they had been born into this life of privilege.  There was an air around them that even the other socialites in the room seemed drawn to; you could see multiple people making eyes at them.  And you had to admit, you could see why.  Maybe it was the champagne you had drank, or the aura of wealth in the room, but they had to be two of the most attractive men you had ever seen in your life.

As soon as the thought crossed your mind, the one with longer hair looked directly at you, making eye contact that froze you in your spot.  Knowing you had been caught staring, you felt heat rush to your cheeks. It seemed the man could feel it as well; a smirk began playing on his lips as he winked at you.

Flushing more, you quickly turned away and tried to busy yourself with staring at the art. Your hands nervously clutched at your empty champagne glass as you focused on admiring the marble statue that was in front of you.  You did your best to block out everyone else in the room as you took deep breaths to calm yourself, but heat continued to crawl up your neck.  Your heart was pounding so loud that you could hear it in your ears.  And it was pounding loud enough to drown out the footsteps approaching you, so the smooth, accented voice took you by surprise when it appeared in your ear.

“It’s called Venus Italica, by Antonio Canova.” The man said, his breath hot on your neck.

You cleared your throat and tried to steady your voice. “E-excuse me?”

“The statue.  Venus Italica.” The man moved to stand more directly beside you, and you turned more towards him without thinking about it.

Now that he was closer, you could really take him in.  His hair seemed to have a soft curl to it, but it was styled slightly up and back, so you couldn’t be sure.  His skin looked porcelain smooth, his teeth blindingly white, his lips a flushed red. His eyes were brown, and when you met them it was hard to look away; they were like a hearth, warm and inviting.

Your own eyes blinked as you tried to focus your words. “I—yeah.  Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

The man nodded. “Is this your first time seeing it in person?”

You nodded, turning your gaze back to the statue.

“It was commissioned by King Ludovico in 1804, after the French had taken a statue of Venus from Florence to the Musée Napoleon.” His voice was soft as he spoke in a British lilt. “It was completed in the 1820s.”

You nodded again, unsure of what else to say. “That’s…interesting.”

The man mimicked your head movement, his gaze focusing back on you. “I haven’t seen you at one of these before.  I’m Tom Holland.”

The way he said his name made it seem like he expected you to recognize it.

“Right, right.” You faked a smile and clutched your empty glass tighter.

“…From Holland Enterprises.  My father Dominic owns the company?” Tom continued, confusion tinting his eyes. “And you are?”

“Oh, um…Y/N. Y/L/N.” You said cautiously. “Nice to…meet you.”

Tom’s eyes drifted to your hands and the glass flute. “Oh, you’re empty!  Allow me to refill you, I’ll just—”

“I’ve got it.” Another accented voice appeared from behind you, and when you turned around, you were greeted with the sight of the other man who had been standing next to Tom. In his hands he clutched two full champagne glasses, one of which he extended to you. “Here you are, love. Let me take that.”

You accepted the new champagne flute as the new man swiftly took the empty glass from you and placed it on the tray of a passing waiter.

“Um, thank you.”

“Not a problem.” He smiled at you, blue eyes shining with mirth. “Harrison Osterfield, of Osterfield Inc.”

“Which your dad owns, right?” You guessed, running a finger around the rim of your glass.

Harrison nodded as he sipped his champagne. “And your name, love?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Tom answered for you, stepping around so he could stand next to Harrison in your line of vision.

Harrison repeated your last name to himself. “Huh.  I’ve never heard that name before.  What does your family do?”

“Well, my dad works in…real estate.” You answered slowly. “And my mom is, um, a lawyer.”

What you said wasn’t a lie.  In fact, it was the truth.  Your dad was a real estate agent, and your mother was a lawyer.  Of course, your father wasn’t making multimillion dollar deals for houses, and your mother worked at a small legal firm and did a lot of pro bono work.  Neither one of those jobs made enough money to even be in the same category as Tom and Harrison.  But you didn’t feel the need to correct the assumptions they were clearly making as they eyed you up and down.

“You’re new money, then?” Harrison asked, slipping his hand into his suit pocket.  The gesture made the perfectly tailored sleeve bunch up slightly, and you could see the platinum Rolex adorning his wrist.

You blinked quickly. “Uh—”

“And here by yourself?” Tom questioned, stepping the slightest bit closer to you. “Or are your parents with you?  I’d love to meet them, maybe introduce myself?”

“I would, as well.” Harrison echoed the sentiment. “My father works with a lot of real estate companies; I’m sure he’d be interested in meeting with your father.  And we could see a bit more of each other if—”

“They’re not here.” You said quickly as your palms started to sweat again. “They had, um, an emergency with our…summer house.  A pipe burst, and they had to…go take care of it.”

Okay, now you were lying.  Plainly, blatantly lying.  And you were certain you weren’t doing it well.  Nevertheless, Harrison and Tom seemed to believe it.  Perhaps it was because you looked the part, or because they didn’t think anyone with your social status would be able to make it into the gala, or because they just wanted what you were saying to be true. Either way, each boy continued to show interest in your conversation.

Tom and Harrison each placed a hand on the small of your back and began leading you through the exhibit, pointing out different statues and works of art and giving you a brief history.

“How do you know so much about all of this?” You asked as you sipped your champagne.

“Art History at the Mountbatten Academy for Boys.” Tom said, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “That’s where Harrison and I met.  We were roommates from Year Nine to Year Thirteen.”

“The Mountbatten—what?”

“It’s a private school in England.” Harrison explained, his thumb just barely rubbing your back. “The finest in the country.”

“And so it should be, considering what our fathers paid for it.” Tom laughed a bit, finishing of his champagne and grabbing a fresh glass before he had finished swallowing.

“Where did you go to school?” Harrison asked curiously. “Did you stay in the country? Or go abroad?”

“I—in the country.” You finished your champagne as well, quickly grabbing a new glass. “An, um, all-girls school in…New Hampshire.”

Harrison frowned. “I didn’t know there was an all-girls school in—”

“So what brings you two to New York?  If you’re from England?” You asked quickly, eager to change the subject.

“New York brought us to New York.” Tom smiled easily, half charming and half cocky. “Why wouldn’t we want to come here?  We have a penthouse here for a reason.”

“You’ll have to see it sometime.” Harrison nodded in affirmation of Tom’s statement. “We have houses in London, Milan, Greece…but our New York penthouse is my favourite.”

“And, tragically, the one we spend the least amount of time in.” Tom sighed, shrugging his shoulders. “But, c’est la vie.  Whenever business brings us to New York, it’s never for more than a few days.”

“Tragic.” You echoed quietly, fixing your gaze on a Monet painting as you passed by.

It occurred to you that Tom and Harrison were the very definition of arrogant.  Whenever they finished a glass of champagne, they snapped their fingers and a new one appeared.  They walked through the crowds like the expected them to part because they wanted them to.  And they did. Their suits were designer, their shoes were designer, and you suspected their entire lives were just that. Designer.

They talked about how they went to Cambridge University and how they both worked for their fathers now.  But, from the stories they told you about the work they did, it was clear that not much actual work was done.  Harrison and Tom’s fathers were business partners, but it seemed what Harrison and Tom mostly did was—

“Networking.” Tom said in response to your question about their work.

“Which is a fancy word for partying.” Harrison grabbed two new glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and tossed a fifty dollar bill on his tray. “Cheers, mate.”

“So what does networking entail?” You asked as Harrison passed you your fourth drink of the night.

“Well,” Tom ran a hand through his slicked back hair. “All sorts of things.  Attending galas, luncheons, parties, and connecting with current clients and future clients.  The social side of business.”

“It’s all politics.” Harrison rolled his eyes before pulling you in close. “Tell me, love. Look around the room.  What do you see?”

You did as he said. “I see…priceless works of art?”

“Exactly.  And is anyone here actually looking at the art?”

“Well…no.” You frowned as you glanced at the crowd. “They’re not.  They’re all talking.”

Harrison nodded in satisfaction. “They’re all playing the game.  A well run business needs all its different parts to run smoothly. Having a working business model is only part of it; you need connections to make it into an empire.  A game always needs players, you see.  And players always need allies.”

Those words got to you.  Even if Tom and Harrison were the very definition of arrogant, they weren’t dumb. It was clear that they were very, very smart.  And very, very attractive.  And smelled very, very good.  And their hands felt very, very nice on your back.

And it seemed that you were very, very tipsy.

“Is that why you started talking to me?” You asked curiously, swirling the golden liquid in your glass as you avoided the two pairs of eyes staring at you. “Networking?”

“Partially.” Tom shrugged. “But the low cut neckline on your dress didn’t hurt either.”

You felt heat flash up your neck and into your cheeks again, and you cleared your throat.

“Tell—tell me about this statue.  Here. It’s Degas, isn’t it?”

Harrison smirked at your subject change, but answered you accordingly. “Yes.  La petite danseuse de quatorze ans.  Edgar Degas. Sculpted in…1920?”

“1922.” Tom corrected, stepping closer to the statue. “It was the only sculpture Degas ever titled and exhibited.”

You nodded, fighting the urge to reach out and touch the bronze girl’s tutu. “It’s beautiful. I love—”

The beeping of your phone in your clutch interrupted your sentence.  You frowned and opened your small bag, pulling out your phone to a text from Jade.

At first, you were confused.  It wasn’t time for the three of you to meet up again; what did she need?  But when you read the text, you instantly sobered up.

“Security is here looking for party crashers and we need to go!!  Meet us outside!!”

“What’s wrong?” Tom’s voice sounded concerned as he rubbed the small of your back. “Is everything okay?”

“I—no.” You said shortly, shoving your phone back in your clutch. “No, I-I have to go.  Right now.”

“What?” Harrison asked in a bemused voice, brow furrowed. “Why on earth do you have to go? It’s not even midnight yet!”

“Yeah, well,” You shot gunned the last bit of champagne in your glass and handed the empty flute to Harrison. “It’s time for my carriage to turn back into a pumpkin. Or time for my taxi to turn back into a pumpkin…I’m kind of unclear on that analogy, to be honest.  I’m not quite sober.  But I think the pumpkin thing is the important reference here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Listen, it’s a long story, and—” Over Harrison’s shoulder, you could see two large men in suits and earpieces enter the room. “And I really, really, don’t have time to tell it.”

“Y/N.” Tom grasped your wrist, not tight enough to hurt, but not loose enough to allow you to slip away. “What is going on?”

“Okay, the short version is, basically,” You pushed your hair out of your face. “I kind of have to go before I get arrested for trespassing?  But I, surprisingly, had a really good time with you two!”

“Surprisingly?”

“Trespassing?”

“Tom, could I borrow a pen?” You asked, holding out the hand that wasn’t caught in his grasp.

Tom complied wordlessly, reaching into his suit jacket and passing you what looked like the most expensive pen you’ve ever seen in your life.

“Seriously?  You can’t just go to Staples to buy pens like everyone else?” You examined the pen closer. “Is this monogrammed?”

“Why are you mocking my pen?”

You grabbed Tom’s arm in way of response and quickly scribbled your number on his hand before handing the pen back. “I really do have to go, but, um, call me if you two ever feel like slumming it.”

“Slumming it?” Harrison frowned as Tom examined the ink on his skin. “Seriously, Y/N, what’s going on?”

“I—” Your sentence was interrupted as you saw the two security guards spot you.  They began to make their way to you, the bouncer from earlier not far behind them. “Got to go!”

Before Harrison or Tom could stop you, you hiked your dress up to your thighs and started running towards the door on the other side of the room.

“Hey!  MET Security!  Stop!”

You could hear the heavy footsteps of the three security guards following behind you, and you ran faster, your heart pounding in time with the clicking of your heels on the floor.

Stiletto heels had really been a bad choice.

Chest heaving, you bounded down the hallways of the MET, through the front atrium, and down the concrete steps.  You felt the cool New York air on your legs and thighs, and the thought of random passersby seeing a lot more than you had planned occurred to you, but you couldn’t afford to pause to think about it.  The guards’ steps were getting closer, you were growing tired, and you could see a taxi waiting below.

“Y/N!  Hurry!” Penelope and Jade were hanging out of the open door, reaching out their hands as if they could pull you closer as you bounded down the steps.

With the shouts of security in your ears, you barely made it to the taxi.  You stumbled inside, half falling and half being pulled by Penelope before you slammed the door behind you, locking it for good measure.

“She’s in!  Step on it!” Jade yelled at the taxi driver, who peeled away from the curb so fast you could smell burning rubber.

You fought to catch your breath as Penelope and Jade began to giggle, and, in spite of yourself you did too.

“Jade,” You gasped, pressing a hand to the stitch in your side. “I told you so.”

“Hey, we made it out!” She laughed, running a hand through her hair. “Look!  Security isn’t even following us!”

The three of you turned around to stare out the back window.  The three security guards were standing be the curb, watching as you drove away.  And standing at the top of the steps above were Harrison and Tom, staring after the cab with confusion and bewilderment.

“Who are Prince Charming One and Two?” Penelope asked you with curiosity.

You turned back around and pressed a hand to your forehead. “It’s a long story.”

{part ii}

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 4]

Going into the fourth badge with a full team of six! Rocking!

Here we are:

Puff (Dratini)

Sylarana (Serperior)

Stella (Poliwhirl)

Nessy (Milotic)

Itsy (Cubchoo)

Caspet (Haunter)

Looking like a real squad, guys. Lesgo.

The bridge is still out, so it’s out to the desert we go.

...Ah, it’s the anime hair scientist.

Colress. He invites us to a duel in the desert route.

...I thought it was a joke that this lady just keeps picking fights with me every single time I try to pass through the route, but no. No. That’s what really happens. Ugh.

I can’t remember if Colress is really a bad guy or just a driven scientist guy.

In any case, he has a level 21 Magnemite out first. Nessy is handling it since I have nothing to deal Electric pokemon really and Nessy has a ton of HP. And yay, that doesn’t come back to bite me.

Level 23 Klink up next. Nessy Refreshes and Recovers back to the health the Magnemite took. Taking too long to beat back the Charges, so Sylarana’s going to try to be helpful. And hey, that’s all it takes. Fight done.

Ack, I don’t think this is the sort of place I can do anything with without wireless and the like.

I love how so many business people in this world see a random ten-year-old and decide that they are the best person they could possibly ask for to manage their affairs while they run off doing whatever.

I’m just going to ignore this place and take advantage of the Pokemon Center past it.

Hello, we have a new route.

HELLO!

Oh.

Wait.

...Did I...

Oh crap. I took a break in between catching Puff, so I forgot all about buying poke balls. Aha. Okay then. Okay. We got this. It’ll be fiiiiine. I’ve got two more whole chances to make sure that it’s fiiine.

One try left.

Come on.

You know you want to be on the team, buddy.

...Fine, you don’t. Damn it. Dead route.

...

While we’re here adding injury to insult.

Sorry Sylarana. Maybe naming you after a dead snake from a fanfic was a bad idea after all.

Dead route and dead pokemon.

This is shaping up to be a pretty harsh run.

Okay. Poke Balls bought.

The outside of Desert Resort has Magmar.

I’m just going to casually avoid trainers in the rest of the Resort until I find the castle place, aka new route for new friend.

If only I were actually any good at avoiding trainers. So far I’ve fought two.

Okay, this time, we’re going to keep from losing anyone in the process of getting a new friend. Agreed? Agreed. Awesome.

Oh.

...No can do.

Poliwhirl is one thing, since Poliwhirl can still be Politoed, but I used a Granbull in my Elite Four battles in the first version. Can’t repeat that. Dang it.

Larvitar’s down here as well.

No Sylarana and an Electric Gym next. I need to find a new route.

Route 5, help me out here.

Bianca!

She gives us Fly!

...Do we have anything that can learn Fly?

She also introduces us to Hidden Grottos, which I had forgotten all about and don’t really mean much to Nuzlockes.

I’ll say hi to it. If it’s randomized, this is my catch option, if it’s not, let’s just call Hidden Grottos liminal spaces that don’t have real route significance.

Not randomized. Bye bye Minccino. Now we go explore the grass.

I have a Water team. Yike.

This thing is not proving easy to catch.

But catch it I shall! Your name shall be Frill, and please do not take it personally that I’m going to go to another route to find things.

Oh dear.

Boruto, I expect great things from you. Please do not disappoint.

Meanwhile the next thing I see on this route is an Emboar.

No offense, Boruto, but my journey to find a new route continues.

Help me Obi-wan Keforest. You’re my only hope.

...Don’t I need a Dusk Stone or something to evolve you?

Um. If it keeps using Charge Beam it’s going to kill Nessy.

I can choose to catch it, or I can choose to run.

...Wait, can I run when Bind is used?

No, no I can’t.

Um.

This is.

Distressing.

I feel like I’m watching Nessy die in slow motion.

Heeeeeeeeeey.

Omchomp, welcome.

Hm. I have some choices to make regarding me team, but first thing first, I’m going to raise Boruto a level. There are Basculin and Lampent where we caught him.

Soooooo.

Now there’s the question of what to add to the team. Ninjask is cool as heck, and I’m not opposed to using one. Shedinja is a delightful, chaotic choice for a Nuzlocke. Using both isn’t something I think my team could survive.

...Okay I can’t resist being that stupid. Shedinja, aka Sasuke. Alllll the way.

Sasuke is Sassy and proud of its power. Fitting.

This is such a dumb idea. I can’t wait to watch what happens.

Let’s see... Fire bad. Flying bad. Ghost maybe bad. Psychic maybe bad.

...Fine, so I know what each type is weak against, but not which types the combination spares or makes worse. Making this an even dumber idea than its initial inception made it appear.

We are so doing this.

tfw I finally am playing at a time that gets me on the Royal Unova! Yay!

Boy howdy do I hope they don’t have things that will kill me dead!

Level 16 Pidove.

I think I’m good.

I swear if a move has a possibility of making me flinch it is doing nothing but making me flinch. I cry.

Oki doki.

The team.

Grinding time.

Ha, so since they couldn’t very well complain about the next Gym Leader still not having the bridge open, this time you can’t go left of Nimbasa due to a crowd of happy people. Gah. Being closed in is a lot more annoying when you have a limited number of resources dependent in part on map size.

OH COME ON THAT’S BULLSHIT.

Sigh.

Sorry, Sasuke.

I’d like to say some words, but well. I always knew I wasn’t really equipped to handle such a gimmicky creature on my team, I just thought it would be funny to try. And that I’d last longer. It’s probably just as well, honestly.

...Sorry this is not the emotional farewell everything else is getting. But let’s be real, we knew this would happen, and I didn’t delay it long enough to get invested.

Also your name is Sasuke. We both knew what this was.

Boruto, welcome to the team!

Uh.

Okay, Giga Drain. Not Itsy’s friend.

Noted.

...Give me a break she was still in the damn green and aaaaaaaaaa.

I am not doing well this run, am I?

Go away I can’t catch you. ;-;

I am so sorry, Itsy.

I wish I could say more, since unlike Sasuke I actually like you, but.

This is hecking bad.

Omchomp gets on the team to fill up a slot. I’m not sure I have the resources to properly train her, and I’m collecting too many creatures who I’m not sure I can fully evolve for my tastes.

But that’s how Nuzlockes go, right? You work with what you have.

Back to grinding. Maybe stick more to wild pokemon than trainers.

Cool, Croagunk is also here.

...

Okay look.

I will admit to being a bad trainer.

But one Bite taking out a pokemon at full health is not generally a foreseeable circumstance when super effectiveness isn’t at play.

-clears throat-

STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I am so sorry my friend. We will never know how if I might have succeeded in evolving you. That is a weight off my shoulders, but incomparable to the pain of no longer having you.

Ack.

What a mess.

I have to admit, part of me is hoping that I just wipe at this point. Starting over seems way, way simpler than this as it is. And then I ran into a trainer by accident, and the trainer has a lever 25 Watchdog.

Yeah, this will go well.

Eh, not well, but everything’s alive. I’ll take that. My mission at the moment is just training the heck out of Nessy, because she’s the only thing I can say with confidence probably can’t die to one hit from anything currently available.

Huh, I found an Audino. I’d guess I stumbled into wiggly grass without noticing. That’s cute, it’s actually where it’s supposed to be. ...Scratch that, enough of them are showing up that I’m wondering if it’s some time of day thing.

...So see, I have the problem of going on autopilot while I think.

...tfw Nessy is now level 34 and Caspet is 30.

Screenshots taken moments before disaster.

...Then there’s the return of Mightyena plus a Gengar. Not friendly grass, this. Maybe I need to pick another spot to train stuff.

There’s this one trainer here who won’t fight unless I have a Prop Case, which means I can’t avoid the Musical building forever. Well I can. But that would keep me from battling stuff, sooo.

Magnificent.

And random trainer beaten.

Now what.

Carnival rides to drown our sorrows.

Elesa built herself a new Gym. Her old one is now just roller coasters.

I should probably go to the actual Gym.

?

Ah. A random NPC to let us know that Elesa is in another castle.

Screw it, let’s go to the other castle.

...After finally checking out whatever this is.

Cool. Me and Rosa are going to fight the Subway Bosses. This is the only time this will ever happen in any Nuzlocke ever. Guaranteed.

Yay, we won against the level 26 Gurdurr and Boldore. Despite the horror that is Sturdy rearing its head once more.

Before I go to the Gym, I’m going to head out to the sportsball stadiums and have some fun. Hopeful, optimistic fun where nothing dies.

My solution to all problems now is to throw Nessy at them until they die. With a side of Caspet. The other members of my team are going to gain levels through Exp. Share only, probably. Omchomp is the only one that knows useful stuff and might live through first contact. Puff will one day be mighty indeed, but isn’t yet. Boruto... Boruto’s best move is arguably Leech Life.

Yay, Nessy and Caspet. You two are holding this team together.

That is not your cue to die.

To the Gym.

Ooooh, snazzy. Nicely arranged, Elesa.

She has a level 27 Elekid. Why don’t I have a level 27 Elekid. Or just an Elekid. Elekid is awesome. She also has a level 27 Flaffy. I want that slightly less. It is still of interest.

One mook down. Down the catwalk for another.

The level 27 Flaffy is first this time. Such variety. Then a level 27 Blitzle strikes.

This place has some dang style. Next up is same flavor with Blitzle and Elekid.

Elesa you are clearly amazing but what the actual heck are you wearing.

This is all going to be fine.

We know it’s true because I said so.

Level 28 Emolga out first. Caspet downs it with one Venoshock, then a level 30 Zebstrika takes the stage and panic is felt by all.

Oh lovely. It knows Pursuit. Not taking you out then, Caspet.

This has the makings of pain all over it, but I trust you.

Yay! Another Venoshock did it!

Last up is a level 28 Flaffy. Let’s finish this, Caspet.

Yes!

It was gory and scary, but we did it, gang.

Halfway there.

[callsignbaphomet]

Ok. I know at this point I’m just beating a dead horse but to say that missing third meteorite is haunting me is an understatement. That and I’ve been a huge meteor fan since I was in 5th grade so this tickled me more than you can imagine.

I’ve been looking and reading through threads and videos and reddit posts and whatever else I can find. I’m very aware that a lot of people believe it to be somewhere in Moonstone Pond but I for one do not believe it to be there though something else in the area might be tied to it.

I said MIGHT. Basically all the dribble I’m about to write down is my attempt to connect the dots and in no way am I saying this is IT. It’s just a bit of fun.

Basically me right now:

Another disclaimer: I’m aware of a conversation between some NPCs in Valentine where a woman says her daughter went out fishing and fished up a strange looking rock. “Strange looking rock” could be anything tbh but a vast majority of people seem to think it’s a reference to the third meteorite. I don’t know how that conclusion came about but some people are set on it. I’ve tried to get the mentioned conversation triggered by sneaking up to and standing near NPCs where there is at the very least one woman and no luck yet. I have gotten shot at a lot for the crime of standing near people who didn’t like it apparently.

So now on to where I think it might be. Let’s take a look at Sinclair. Yes, Sinclair. Again. Talk to him and he asks you to find some weird rock carvings and apparently Arthur is confused as to why but whatever. Ya find all the carvings and they do all look strange as fuck all but only one of them stands out for THIS particular situation. The one near Deer Cottage. This one:

Sorry, it didn’t occur to me to take a screenshot but for whatever reason I took a pic with my phone so forgive the glare from the sun.

So why does that one stand out? Dude, there’s a fucking meteor falling. Hello! What’s also interesting is the ship or better said the Viking ship. Where in RDR2 is there a Viking reference? Old World Scripts and Old Tomb. Before I focus on one of them like a raving lunatic there’s also the Sphinx looking face under the ship with the man behind it looking in the other direction. Where else are there face carvings in RDR2? Face in Cliff and Rock Face. So on what do we focus? Old World Scripts and Face in Cliff.

So back to the Sinclair rock carving. If, and that’s a big if, this is any sort of clue we’d have to focus on the Old World Scripts and Face in Cliff. I don’t think the third meteorite is far away, I think it’s within the area of Roanoke as the crash sites (meteorite and meteorite house) are north of the two locations I’m focusing on.

Somewhere where I marked with the rounded rectangle is the meteorite and meteorite house. Now. What other interesting places are there between Face in Cliff and Old World Scripts?

Anybody?

Elysian Pool.

I know. I know! Everything happens in that bloody lake, sorry but that might be an interesting “starting” point for a search. We can’t dive so combing the bottom of the pool is out. Say what you want about John but even as Arthur we can drown because as soon as you’re deep enough in water your stamina starts going down and then you die. Does anyone in the RDR universe know how to swim?

I would also partake in some fishing. It’s known we can fish up a decayed arm though some conditions have to be met for that to happen. What if after X amount of castings we fish up the rock but only after having the first 2 meteorites in our inventory and having discovered the two crash sites?

Also I’m not gonna discount the cave system you can find behind the waterfall. Who knows, maybe an animal dragged it in there. Some NPC found it and took shelter inside and then left/forgot it there. No idea. Anything is possible. I marked a few close by locations that I wanna explore and see what comes up if anything at all. I feel kind of strongly about this or I may have read too much into it. Who knows. What I do know is I’d kill to know where it freaking is.

Yeah, I’m also aware that a third one was spawned in once RDR2 was released on pc but that doesn’t count as finding it and whose to say it wasn’t dupped. I’m also aware that people have dug deep into the files and found a meteoritesquirrle file and, yes, I went to the meteorite and shot every squirrel I found for 30 minutes and no third meteorite.

There’s also a video of someone who confused the whole meteorite thing and posted up a video on YT of them going to the meteorite crash site and picking up the meteorite there and saying it was the third one and when they opened their inventory it read 3 of 3. That video seems kinda sus to me because I’m not sure if they did it on console or pc. They only have a handful of comments asking where they got the other 2 pieces but only replied to one saying they didn’t remember where they found the other two. There’s a ton of videos on the subject in YT and for the most part 9 outta 10 are blatant click bait or just talking about the possible methods to obtain it. There’s also the dude who claimed he called Rockstar support asking about the third meteorite and they said it was in the game and we’d be able to find it but there’s a 99.9% chance it’s fake as anyone with any common sense would’ve asked where the fuck it was located.

Me? I’m gonna stick to my gut feelings and suspicions and see if I can find anything and believe me IF I do find something I’m gonna yell and cry like a 5 year old girl and rave about it here.

[finsterhunde]

Explaining what happened

So I figured I would explain what pushed me to how low I got in a traumatic spiral these couple months, more so for future reference than anything.

I wanted photos and memories about my first childhood dog Spot. In the process my mother dug up a ton of traumatic repressed memories that I’m not yet strong enough to face. It also turns out that she had been lying about the death of my last childhood dog, causing additional pain when I found her out.

Having old memories dug back up is extremely damaging to my mental state. I wanted cute little facts about my puppy that I would have been too young to remember. Instead what she told me brought back flashes of abuse.

This escalated and what finally pushed me over the edge was that I started going back to my old compulsive rituals; the worst one being the need to check up on my birth father online, seeing where he was in the country, what he was doing, if he was alive, etc.

Now this originally was something that had a purpose. The divorce was extremely messy. And when he was kicked out of the house and we were in the process of changing the locks we were living in terror that he could come back at any time with a firearm and mow us down. He was threatening us, threatening to abduct us kids, and he had made severe violent threats in the past. As of 4 years ago he actually assaulted an RCMP officer. So he definitely was still capable of violence at the time. He used to have an extensive gun collection.

Checking up on him was a safeguard. If he didn’t know where I was, if he wasn’t where we were, we were safe. But gradually I stopped needing to do this. I ran away and lived with a friend. My mom and brother moved. He wouldn’t know where any of us lived.

But of course, that’s not how trauma is. Trauma is complicated and that was one of my safety rituals. To compulsively check his social media. Just in case.

He got old and obese and pathetic. He has a heart attack pretty much every year. He’s nothing short of a reanimated corpse at that point.

But in my traumatized brain I’m still that tiny malnourished boy and he’s still that hulking behemoth of a man. Just like in a nightmare where you can’t fly and no matter how fast you run you move at a snail’s pace. My rational mind knows I could easily overpower him, but my instincts tell me he’s as dangerous as he was 10 years ago.

Gradually though I began to heal as I lived with my friend. And I didn’t feel the compulsive need to make sure he wasn’t an immediate threat.

Until now. When my mother started opening old wounds.

A couple days ago I had an uncontrollable compulsive need to check his social media again.

And found some horrible stuff.

He’d been making creepy threatening status updates every year on my birthday, discussing how he wanted to find me “wherever I was...”

and he wrote “music” with lyrics about enacting the vengeance of god, thunder and brimstone and all that.

He threatened to kill any of the RCMP officers he is convinced are “hunting” him.

And in my desire to document evidence like I did with Wannabe, still not waking up from this maladaptive safety ritual of “knowing your enemy” I went through his four different facebook pages screenshotting things.

And it just got worse.

He posted photos of himself at my age, and I realized that I don’t take after Mark Hamill like I say I do. I take after him.

I mean, I figured. But it was very upsetting to see photos of him as an older teen and pretty much see a non-sickly version of myself staring back at me. He was actually handsome. Could I have looked like that if I wouldn’t have been neglected and abused the way I was? Not to mention the disgust I feel at resembling such an evil man.

He had photos of him as a child and he bragged in the comment section about how he abused his dog and “made them crazy” and knowing he was like that even at a young age sickens me.

He idolizes his horrifically abusive dead father. I’d even argue there’s evidence that his dad was a straight up war criminal. There’s photos of the two together where he’s a toddler and his dad is holding him while smoking. It was disgusting.

He’s racist, a trump supporter (in Canada for some reason???) threatened violence against members of a political party here and again, the rampant “vengeance of my god” lunacy.

He was making posts about how the RCMP “attacked him” for being Christian.

For reference the RCMP had a warrant for his arrest and he assaulted an officer so they took defensive action. They had a warrant for his arrest because he threatened them when they earlier that week seized some of his electronics. (they had a warrant for that too)

The official statement for why they were arresting him was because they considered him mentally unwell and a threat to the safety of others.

So knowing that it’s much easier to tell why the RCMP were after him. Having the context paints and entirely different picture doesn’t it?

The case against him is still confidential but apparently he also had the police called on him numerous times for his behavior where he lived at the time. He frequently complained about how the community was “bullying him” for being an outsider.

He also says that they considered him mentally ill for “being Christian.”

And, because when I get into one of my traumatic mental states I have no off switch I started going back deeper. In the past he was seriously harassing politicians and posting stuff that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Unlike Wannabe he never posted anything overtly “I abuse kids” but he did make posts about how he supported physically abusing children and claimed that photos of children being pepper sprayed were “fake” and that they were “spoiled brats.”

I eventually went too far and found something super bad that shook me to my absolute core.

He made a status back when I was in middle school about how pedophiles don’t deserve longer prison sentences than illegal cannabis growers because their crimes “aren’t as bad” and that they “aren’t as dangerous.”

Ironically, he justified this by saying that pedophiles “kill far less RCMP officers”

This is ironic in the fact that he himself would attempt to kill, and afterwards repeatedly threaten to kill, RCMP officers less than a decade later.

So I guess he decided to prove himself wrong?

But yeah. I shut down after that. It was a dogwhistle looking back on it and it frightened me.

The lyrics for another one of his “songs” are basically “laws can mean different things if you know how to pull some strings” which is also terrifying in context.

Other things that made my heart hurt was that the woman he’s with now loves dogs.They had three. One passed away. I fear for those dogs. In an account that’s shared by both of them posts made in support of dogs with “adopt don’t shop” messages and similar are uploaded. It enrages me because he was a backyard breeder and he also killed my puppy. He’s a lying snake pretending to be a good person.

He’s pretending he cares about us kids, painting my mom out to be “the abuser” and saying about how he wished he could take us to games and stuff. He HATED us. He beat us senseless. He was a torturous monster. Seeing him pretend to be a good father broke me. I want a dad. I wanted someone to play catch with me and take me to see the Penguins and teach me how to shave. I didn’t get that. I got a sexual predator instead.

Look at this: I’ve censored as little as I can and that’s largely for personal reasons. Everything he said is wrong.

I was diagnosed with PTSD because of what HE DID TO ME. My brother’s mental health diagnosis (it’s personal and not my place to share) is also because of him. My mom definitely wasn’t a perfect parent but compared to him she’s a saint.

She didn’t work because she had to stay home to ensure he wouldn’t KILL US. And that only started after the Spot incident. She was working extremely long hours before but stopped after I got beaten super bad.

He’s playing the victim and it’s so upsetting. The nerve he has to say “there was nothing wrong with you while I was there” NO. You refused to let us get mental health treatment. I didn’t get diagnosed until you were gone because I wasn’t allowed to see a psychiatrist.

Him wanting us to take our dogs to him is horrific too.

Also I feel bad about the penguins hat. I guess that means that the grooming still works.

Despite denying my mother’s desire for me to be a “wish kid” (make a wish foundation) because “kids don’t deserve handouts” he would donate profits from his failed pub (a story for another day perhaps) at one point to the make a wish foundation. Seeing the photos of him looming over the kid the money helped made me queasy. I don’t know if he thinks he’s covering his tracks or if he just likes being around disabled kids. Both would make sense honestly. I wonder if that had something to do with the confidential reason the RCMP were after him. I really hope it wasn’t. I really really really hope it wasn’t.

But yeah. All that happened and I was unable to sleep. I was terrified. I was crying. I felt guilt for not being brave enough to report him. For being too much of a coward to come forward about what he had done to me.

My friend saw me talking about what was going on on twitter and told me that this was caused by my mom retraumatizing me and I had to cut her out and not engage for my own sake. That I wasn’t ready to face things yet.

That I had gotten worse because mom was ripping open old wounds and that for my health I needed to back off.

So yeah. I agreed with my friend. I am backing off. I am going to be trying to shut that down. As I said on my main blog, my old abusive childhood is dead. I am making a new one. I will use my imagination to keep myself sane and I will retreat into my passions again. Until I am strong enough.

But I know I need to be strong enough. I will confront him someday. I’m just not ready.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

8/28/19 8:09pm - Meanwhile, In Real Time (basically all of aug ‘19)

So today I only have one patient for the first time in like half a year. I guess it makes sense since it’s the end of august and insurance policies are starting to roll over. After so many busy weeks of work it’s really exciting though.

And it couldn’t have happened at a better time. For one I’m pretty excited to get writing and catching up on this past year. But for TWO, World of Warcraft Classic just launched this week. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. Yknow I never played it before because I was worried how it would eat my life like Runescape did. But Spencer and a bunch of NC Melee peeps wanted me to play so I’m in there. Looks like my obsessions really have cycled in order.

[continued at 11:04pm after putting pts to bed]  Pokemon (first grade), Magic (third grade), Runescape (fourth grade), Halo/Gears (7th-9th), Guitar Hero (8th-10th), Quiz Bowl (11th&12th) , Ultimate Frisbee (12th-soph), League of Legends (soph-senior), Melee (senior-last year). I have a kind of filthy habit of playing so much that it’s debilitating and then finally breaking out of it only to move on to doing the same thing with something else.

Since quitting melee I’ve gotten obsessed with Pokemon and Magic, so it looks like getting into WoW was inevitable. 

Just kidding, an unscheduled 2nd patient showed up and it turns out he’s actually supposed to be here so I’m not QUITE so free as all that, but it’s still not 3 patients, 2 is totally easy for me now.

Lol I took this screenshot when I got in to the office 

as of now I’m all caught up with work and I’ve still got 133 minutes to go, so looks like I have plenty of time to write for a second.

So what do I have to catch up on? well my days have been looking like weds-thurs-fri are always work, saturday I’ll stay up all day doing something, sunday I’m usually sleeping in, Monday I’m usually either playing DnD or chilling playing games, and Tuesday is a chill day until karaoke. 

The past two weekends have been kind of crazy though, so I just wanted to write about them for a minute before I got too far gone. 

Actually, let’s go back to 3 weekends ago. I visited Dars because I needed to, it’s been too long. I meant to write a lot more than I did, but instead I stayed up late into the night watching Andi draw shit on twitch. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, mostly trying to collect all my thoughts on what I want to write about, but I definitely miss her and hope she’s doing okay. I ‘accidentally’ responded to a question she asked when she was talking to herself on stream, I hadn’t meant to talk to her at all I just wanted to see her do her thing and reflect on her a little.  Really I wanted to watch her play breath of the wild. I miss us playing that together. Watching her enjoy something I enjoyed so much really made me happy. Anyway, I only bring that up because I tried to tune in again to actually watch her play BotW and found out she blocked me from her channel. I could still watch, which was nice, but I couldn’t say anything. Probably for the best. After watching her for a few hours I unfollowed her channel so I wouldn’t even try anymore.

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

I did that song at karaoke last night. I practiced in the bathroom and the car beforehand and was nailing it I thought. But I got up on stage and I was thinking of you and I bombed it. I haven’t bombed a song so hard since the time I tried to sing you I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing when I was in drunk-screaming mode, or the first time I tried to do MakeDamnSure. And those were when I was drunk. This I like just tried to get to the high notes and on stage I just couldn’t. My voice kind of broke. I cleared the crowd. It was humiliating, to be honest. I don’t know if I was tired from playing 12 hours of WoW with spencer yesterday (amazing, btw. I had a ton of fun), or if I was thinking of you too much, or if I was actually just floundering from making the first mistake (which doesn’t quite make sense because I’ve made mistakes and then fixed them easily in plenty of songs before). But it was awful.  I got to hang out with some friends for a bit, sang The Hand That Feeds and did excellently at it, got some good cheers and shit, but I still felt like ass. Went home and played some melee and some more WoW and stayed up until 6am and slept 12 hours lmao.

So I had an avocado for dinner and now here I am. I’ve been doing more fasting days lately where I eat really light. They’re not true fasting days because usually I eat a bunch of nuts or something. But I don’t eat a big meal like I normally do once a day. Also I wanted to go back to Darlin’s because we watched zoolander, and at one point he says “bulimia is a great way to lose pounds before a shoot” and I was like “oh yeah, true.” lol so now if someone makes me eat a bunch of ice cream with them (darlin and jill), then I’ll do it and throw it up after -_-. Not the healthiest but I’ve only done it on like two or three occasions. I’m mostly being good. Only exercising once a week lately though, WoW kinda blew up everything this week and I’ve been hella busy lol. 

Okay so week after Darlin’s, I made some new friends at karaoke that my buddy Skyler introduced me to there. I drove up to Virginia on Saturday to do Quarry Fest that tessa and her boyfriend had planned out on his property. It was fucking phenomenal. Spent the day day drinking and swimming, it was gorgeous out, beautiful people in swimsuits everywhere, made a whole bunch of new friends who loved me because they already loved tessa, saw a handful of old high school friends. I really got strong attraction vibes from my friend Emily, but she was there with a new boyfriend so ah well such a shame for her lmao. Stayed up until like 4 in the morning talking with people around a big bonfire, it was just like a fun old rappahannock field party where everyone knew everyone at least by a removal factor of one. Such a beautiful time. I fucking drunkenly danced my ass off all night while these live musicians and djs were on. Just phish style sway jammed out in the sand, made my legs fucking exhausted lol. Moving in sand is so fucking hard! I’d get a drink, chug it down, spin around drunkenly jam around for a bit, sober up, get a new drink, rinse and repeat lmao. The Diet Dr Pepper and white rum idea later in the night was miserable though. FUCK diet drinks they’re not adequate mixers. holy blegh. plus the rum was hot as balls I need to find a new kind of liquor to keep in my trunk. The best idea I’ve heard from people so far is sake. I loved Tessa’s boyfriend’s family too. The one little brother had the same supreme cheetah print that I had on except he had the boxers, we really hit it off actually. After sleeping in my car for the night I woke up and went skinny dipping for like an hour or so, I spent a lot of the next morning talking to him and his girlfriend, mostly entertaining her with the weird stories that I tell on here. She said I was probably the craziest person she’d ever met, and wished that I lived closer so that she could hook me up with her sister. She said she needed to try someone fun like me out LMAO. Then their family made a huge breakfast at their house and I got to pig out on some lox and chit chat with tessa about shit before heading back to Raleigh.

That’s right, I went there and came back for just a day because I needed to be back the next night for Emo Karaoke LOL. There’s no way I was gonna miss it, it’s only once a month. 

It was the craziest thing though. My friends caitlin and gretchen came to emo karaoke but it hadn’t started yet because of an open mic poetry night, so they split to go to Ruby’s annual No Pants Party and told me to meet up with them if I wanted to. I was the first person to sing, I did The Used and it went fantastically. I met this guy morgan and his girlfriend elizabeth I think, and she emailed me a video of it lol I love it. I also sang backup vocals for him on MakeDamnSure, I was so happy that he asked me, I’ve literally practiced doing the backup singing just in case someone ever did hahaha. But after my song this girl walks up to me and says “did you go to chapel hill? Do you remember who I am?” I look at her and it’s none other than fucking LEXI. Like huge crush in college Lexi. Like written about her at least a handful of times at LEAST Lexi. Like I named my fucking CAR after you Lexi. So I was like “HOLY SHIT YES” oh my god and caught up with her and I’m 90% sure she was there with another guy, but I got to meet her friends and chit chat and I screamed my fucking throat out that night. My voice was already toasty from singing in the car all the way up and back from virginia but after that it was torched lmao. I also did The Used+MCR’s Under Pressure with my friend from there Kenny, got some chick’s number, and the list was full so I dipped after that.

Went to the no pants party and it wasn’t super crazy, but I got some beautiful pics lol. Caitlin helped me tie up my shirt super cute, I wore it as a blouse and as an ascot hahaha. But hanging with them at the no pants party mostly got me to this afterparty at a friend’s place downtown.  I had rum and bought some coke that we threw in the freezer, but instead of mixing the coke and rum me and Jacob had this great idea to mix the rum with freezie pops to see if it was any good. Did like 3 shots testing it out to see if the ratio could work. Mostly it tasted like a bad slushie lol. Went to the porch to smoke a cig and people started passing some coke around so I did a little of that, and started having this long ass conversation with this girl MJ. We hit it off for like literally an hour on the porch at 4 in the morning. We talked about pokemon and tons of nerdy video game shit, and it turns out she had been at karaoke that week, I had already listened to her singing! I got her number and have since tried to hit her up a few times to hang out. She’s always responded to all of my texts IMMEDIATELY. like within the minute fast. It’s weird. But unfortunately either because she’s not actually interested or because she’s truly been too busy, I haven’t been able to meet up with her to do anything. I guess we’ll see if that ever develops, but I think she was really cool. I really hope I at least get to make a pass at her.  After that I brought gretchen back to my place to hang out. Didn’t try to hook up with her or anything, but we just wanted to chill and do some blow that I had leftover and wanted to get rid of. Did some talking about some fucked up shit going on with some of her friends dying, but it was mostly in the context of her wanting to go back to the party to try to find an adderall on the ground when we ran out of shit. At like 8 in the morning we drove around to pick up some shit, but nobody was awake, she gave me half an adderall to try to help me stay up but after I popped it I still took a nap in the car while we waited so I was like yeah nah I’m tapping out. After driving to virginia and back and having two late party nights I was fucking spent and didn’t want to miss my appointment to drop my car off for repairs. Honestly though, I have no fucking idea what Brandon saw in her that made him so coocoo for her. She seems like your typical party hardy everything-sucks kind of girl. I don’t think I’ve heard her say a positive thing about...anything. She’s always shit talking or talking down about life or saying she wants to go somewhere else that’s cooler, or that older parties were more fun or some shit. Meh. Luckily I’m not the one tryna bang her, and Caitlin totally balances her out with how smiley and happy she is when I hang out with them. Her and Jacob are cute as fuck too. 

But I DID end up making it to my appointment. My car is almost done being fixed!!

Then I had a board game night that monday, me and Trent and Steven played some of this train game called snowdonia and I narrowly lost. Steven almost always beats me, that fucker lol. I really respect how smart he is about magic and game theory in general tbh.

Last week there was karaoke and work. At karaoke I found out this really cute smiley girl Hannah (a friend/coworker of my lesbian couple friends) is getting a divorce from her husband (she’s like 24), and so thattt’s pretty interesting. I don’t wanna make moves because she’s wonderful and I don’t want to be a douche, but she’s like... still the happiest person I’ve ever met even in the midst of changing her entire life. I kinda wish I could go on a date with her just to find out more about her lol. Saturday I didn’t sleep so that I could go to my friend Helena’s place for her to dye and cut my hair. I really followed through on wanting it to look like Brad Pitt from Once Upon A Time In Hollywood like I decided when we saw it darlin’s lol. I really wanted to change my hair, I’m kind of sick of having bangs in my face and need to symbolically move on to doing something new. Then saturday afternoon/evening I got drunk as fuckkkk with broscious and irene for their housewarming party. First time getting really drunk with them it was so much fun! We played a drinking game while watching a glassblowing show where we drank every time they said glass or blew, so it was pretttty good hahaha. I probably overdid it with the threesome and trap jokes later with their friends when we got to the bar lol, but they seemed so innocent I had to fuck with them a little hahaha. Fell asleep on the floor of their living room at like 3 in the morning because someone else had dibs on the couch. Woke up at like 7am blegh, found out I lost my house key lol, went back to sleep at my place til noon, then went to play board games with steven trent and reyad again.  After that I went to boxcar to meet up with Maya, and she had brought a bunch of her coworkers and Rianne as usual, so it was a great time. We bounced from boxcar to Rianne’s place, got to drink with Ollie and played this weird frog golf game and we discussed whether Blonde or Channel Orange was the better Frank Ocean album. They ALL were fighting me that Channel Orange was just better in every way, but I still think Blonde is incredible. I offered to take Jill home to her place since she lives nearby, we got some mcdonalds and watched some american dad and had some great sex. and again the next morning, and again in the afternoon. So luckily that’s still working out, I thought it had fallen apart, but I’ll explain more on that later on when I finish playing catchup. I took her back to her car and we got some good ass ramen downtown.

We made tentative plans to hang out again the next day and maybe go thrifting and I spent the rest of monday playing Melee for a couple hours. But I woke up at 9am and started playing WoW with spencer, so when she hit me up that she was getting off work at like 3pm I was in the middle of a 6 hour bingefest playing WoW for the first time in my life. He told me I should keep playing with him so I didn’t fall behind and so I thought about it... and then I did lmao. I said that I was nerding out with my roommate and asked if she wanted to hang out after karaoke. She said yeah definitely but she might go to bed earlier than normal (~3) because she had to work a double. I hit her up at midnight to leave karaoke early after that embarrassment of a performance, but she never responded. I think she said she wanted to hang out so that she could blow me off too, tbh. But jokes on her, I got to play more melee until I could get through the login queue for WoW and got to play for another 3 hours. Perfect.

Though more sex would’ve been nice, for sure. 

Anyway, things are going wonderfully. I’m going to a big concert in raleigh in two weeks. Probably just nerding out this weekend since I mixed up my weekends and didn’t make plans. Helena dyed my hair with highlights to look like brad pitt, but I’m changing it to be totally blonde like Maya and Rianne want instead. They miss my old yellow hair lol and Oliver and everyone I’ve asked did too so I’m gonna try it out again. 

Definitely ready to move forward and try some new things. 

I’ve been thinking about Andi way too much the past two weeks. It sucks. I really want to talk to her. And give her her chair back. So I want to see her. But I know I’m feeling good with everything so really things are better off just moving on I guess. Maybe once I finally write my catchup posts about her I can stop thinking about her. But it’s made me procrastinate a lot, I’m like literally doing anything I can to not write these last handful of catchup posts...

But I promise I will soon. I need to do it. Maybe that’s what I’ll do saturday while I wait for the queue for WoW to thin out lmao. It’s currently 12:06 and I still have an estimated time of 13 minutes after trying to log in at 7:45 lol.

Also tryna cop some supreme clothes tomorrow. Wish me luck, I Really hope I can get this tiger print jacket and hat. Boutta drop a mint lol. Clothes are kinda fun. It’s nice not dressing like a hobo all the time, I guess. Mostly because it’s hot. Once it’s the right temperature to wear pajama pants again you better believvvve I’m gonna just get fancy sweatpants lmfao.

Anyway, queue’s finally done! holy shit yeah it’s only 12:15 Kappa. Gonna go play some WoW love you guys bye <3

[teamendgame-blog]

Back at it again with the long post and theories...

Oh hey Rosewood residents,

Kate here <3 And I'm back at it again with the long post and theories! First things first, I was out of commission for 2 weeks with the worst flu and ear infection of my life.. coincidentally the same week PLL was NOT on. I BLAME YOU FOR THIS, MARLENE!! I also ended my Memorial Day weekend with a trip to the ER, so it’s been less than fun over here...

But while I've been too sick and weak to type, I’m never too sick to think so grab a little snack (and a PLL-mom approved glass of wine) and buckle in to hear my crazy take on this ride that is Pretty Little Liars EndgAme! I'm going to break my thoughts down into sections so y'all can easily skip around if you would like!

First things first (I'm the realest)... (I am also old and found that funny - don't judge me!) Let's travel back to what feels like forever ago... and the reveal that Ali is, indeed, carrying Emily's baby. I wanted to make the following point but then was bedridden, so the original thought comes before we viewed 7x15... *WHO'S YOUR DADDY -- THE ALI/EMILY BABY REVEAL*

Yup. They went there. We finally have confirmation (btw, BRILLIANT acting by Sasha in the reveal scene at the baby store!) that Ali is carrying Emily's stolen-egg baby. I saw a lot of reaction to this in the fandom, a lot of "I knew this would happen" (the best one being my amazing brother's live blog response!) and a lot of "I was afraid they would do this".. I saw a lot of comments bashing the storyline and a lot praising it for reiterating just how well-and-truly-evil AD actually is. But I didn't see ANY reaction that mirrored my own... IN A SHOW WHERE SO LITTLE IS ABLE TO BE FIGURED OUT (by a fandom who spends hours and hours rewatching, blogging, theorizing, screen-capturing), WHY DID THEY MAKE THIS SO OBVIOUS?! Yes, I realize I could be giving the showrunners too much credit here, but as an adult in her mid-thirties who has spent an abnormal amount of time trying to figure out answers and outcomes for this show and constantly figuring out NOTHING, WHY WAS THIS SO EASY TO DEDUCE. Well, to answer that I'm going to reference a movie many of you are probably to young to have seen... Years ago, a brilliant suspense/mystery movie called The Others came out (it starred Nicole Kidman - remember her!?) Anyway, the movie was awesome and mysterious and about halfway through anyone who is paying attention starts to put together the clues and its SO exciting but then you almost get annoyed that the characters in the movie aren't putting 2 and 2 together, but you're all proud of yourself for figuring it out, and BAM! Seriously out of left field the twist comes and you realize you were COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY WRONG and just lead to believe you'd figured it out... [side note: I watched this movie multiple times after my first viewing with friends who were seeing it for the first time and let me tell you, at the same point that I originally "figured out the mystery" they did too and were SO DAMN SMUG about it, one going as far to say "You know, I actually find it sooo hard to enjoy movies like this because I'm too smart and always figure it out and get bored waiting for the ending"... yeah, she shut up really fucking quick when she saw she was wrong). ANYWAYS (sorry, I ramble)... I'm kind of wondering if this whole Ali/Emily baby thing was made obvious to throw us off in a way. So many of us saw it coming and because we had "figured it out", we didn't think to look beyond waiting for the confirmation that we were right.. MARK MY WORDS, THERE IS MORE TO THIS THAN WE ARE SEEING because we've all been so stuck on having figured it out or being mad about it... What I keep coming back to is who the father is and who did the insemination... Ali tells Emily she remembers the procedure when she was locked up in Welby. THIS IS A HUGE CLUE OR POINT TO CONSIDER. I mean, clearly all official places in Rosewood are run by a bunch of dumbfucks (Rosewood Police, I'm looking at you.... until the delicious Furey showed up that is) and yes, clearly "Rollins" was lying about his identity in order to be a practicing doctor there... but they ARE NOT going to let some rando in a black hoodie and gloves come in with a turkey baster and shove it up some patient's hoo-ha. THIS HAD TO BE AN INSIDE JOB! Maybe Rollins was playing the AD game and was forced to do it? That I don't know. We DO know that AD stole Emily's eggs... so somehow, Emily's eggs were fertilized and inseminated into Ali... I'm still thinking on this one... I would love if someone would think about it too and tell me their thoughts because seriously, I think they duped us here (brilliantly!) by making the baby storyline obvious and having us focus on THAT rather than the real clues being shared...

Now that we've seen 7x15 and know that Ali is going through with the pregnancy and know that Emily wants the baby and know that they are trying to figure out who the father is, I feel like I am right in their being more to this.

*7x15: IN THE EYE ABIDES THE HEART*

Before I theorize, I just want to point out that I feel this was one of the best PLL episodes ever and don't think Troian's directing is a coincidence.... clearly this woman is talented, thoughtful and really GETS how this show should be done. Absolutely brilliant from start to stop and OH MAN the acting has been spot on from all of them..  And now onto the details.

*SHADY, SHADY EZRA AND THE NEAR HIDDEN EARPIECE*

Ohhhh Ostinato. You shady little bastard!! Gavin and I noticed at the same time that Ezra had a small, clear earpiece in his ear while he and Aria were arguing (as he was preparing to head to the airport). Now, let me start with this: I DO NOT BELIEVE FOR ONE SECOND THAT HE IS TROTTING OFF TO HELP NICOLE. I have been SOOOOO suspicious for a long while now about this... we only have his word that he's "helping Nicole". Yes yes, there was the article Aria saw in the magazine while she was with Holden, but those pictures were all clearly taken on the same day. Do I think *some* of the times he's gone he's been with Nicole? Yes... But the little hidden earpiece was a major point for me that he's hiding a shit ton!! Gavin and I saw it and he included a post with screenshots, so check it out! Ostinato is up to NO GOOD!!!

FURTHERMORE - let’s discuss this whole Wren & Ezra business... From the previous episode’s sneak-peek both Gavin and I were CONVINCED that he and Wren weren’t meeting for the first time... and after seeing the episode, I am even MORE convinced! There is NO WAY these two are being introduced for the first time (great acting, boys!) And beyond THAT... let’s look at the following facts -- Ezra was SO set on going to see “Nicole” that he had the fight with Aria (again, as I said above, I don’t believe for a hot second that he was flying off to Maine to see Nicole and her family...) We saw on the flight boards that there were a bunch of delays... then Spencer spots Ezra as she and Wren are clearly arguing... Ezra and Wren “meet”.... and then Ezra magically decides to skip out on going away!? NOT BUYING IT!! I think he stayed in Rosewood because of Wren... AND THEN when Ezra is telling Aria that his flight wasn’t delayed he just “didn’t get on it”... and then the camera pans over to his bag and we see a glow like from a phone ringing.. MY MONEY IS ON THAT CALL BEING FROM WREN!!!

*MONA, MONA, MONA...*

So I hadn’t crossed Mona off my suspect list... until the last episode. Again with the brilliant acting! Her fan-girling over the board game while at the same time the devastation crossing her face that she didn’t create it... pure genius AND also really changed my mind on her possibly being involved... I think we all need to pay attention to the “clues” that Mona gave us about who could have made the game... WHO IS THIS MONSTER!! 

*RANDOM THOUGHTS*

- Fuck, that comic book is cool... I gotta say, this whole Charles and Lucas friendship surprised the hell out of me and I LOVE IT! 

- As many have pointed out, did you see how the “A” in Lucas’s signature on the comic is the “A” a?! Lucas was TOP of my suspect list... but with a revel regarding him coming tonight I don’t think he’s the final AD... AGGH!

- WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE NUMBER 214!!!!?!?! Its shit like this that gives me hope that this storyline has been brewing all along....

- How long before Snapchat releases that creepy-ass Aria filter!? Honestly though, that was super amazingly creepy! I’ve seen a lot of people say the face looks like Paige, like Sydney, like Melissa (my first comparison was to Marlene actually...) but I feel like the clip at the end (YAY FOR AN A ENDING!) indicated that the face and voice are completely digitally generated and not someone talking live with some sort of filter on... Maybe cause AD has a British accent (WREN WREN WREN) or a recognizable voice to the PLL!? 

What did you all think!? Any comments, ideas or further pieces to examine!? I can’t wait to hear what you think and can’t wait to see tonight’s episode!!!!! 

Kisses, -K

[ddrkirbyisq]

Life has just been chugging along, it seems.  Nothing spectacular has been happening, but that's not a bad thing really at all.

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Crunchyroll Expo 2019 happened and I stopped by on Saturday to hang out, walk around, and go to some things that seemed interesting.  I got to go see the premiere of the first two episodes of Season 3 of Chihayafuru which actually ended up being a highlight of the entire thing, I had no idea I was going to enjoy it that much!  That moment near the end when _____ finished playing their match and thought to themselves _________ and the other member on their team suddenly realized _________, omg, that really really got to me for some reason.  So yeah, that was great!  Makes me want to rewatch the first two seasons at some point, especially to refresh my memory about all of the other more minor characters that I completely forgot about, haha...oh!  And I just remembered that there's a live action movie series as well...maybe I'll give that a watch too =X

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I bought and played through all of Mega Man 11!  I pulled the trigger after watching some reviews and such and since it was on sale on Steam.

I ended up enjoying it quite nicely!  It's a nice blend of old and new as far as Mega Man goes.  The thing with Mega Man is that the old tried and true formula is really just great at its core -- running and jumping and shooting.....more running and jumping and shooting....it's just good 2D platforming at its finest and I've always been a huge fan of it.  That said there ARE already a ton of classic Mega Man games out there, so as much as I'd love more games in the vein of Mega Man 9 and 10 (which were faithful to the NES series) (various fangames also exist, some of which I've played through), I will say that the fresh coat of paint that Mega Man 11 offers does make a lot of sense.

The graphics were pretty decent and I didn't mind the 2.5D much at all!  Unlike a certain other popular game pretty much everything was very readable -- just look at the screenshot above and how obvious it is that the yellow center pieces of each gear are in the foreground, while the rest of the gear is in the background.  One thing I thought looked a little odd were the "fuzziness" of the black outlines on the cel shading, but maybe I should chalk that up to me playing on a monitor with only 1280x1024 resolution?  Perhaps it looks better with a higher pixel density, but maybe rendering thin outlines is just not a strong point of the cel shaded look.

The bosses were pretty well designed -- they had a lot of personality, both in their animations and voice acting (I played only with the Japanese VA).

Maybe I was a bit biased after watching a video analyzing the level design, but I really did appreciate the designs of most of the stages and how they made for interesting progressions despite only using a few unique elements per stage.  It felt like they really made the most of many (perhaps not all, but many) of the different "gimmicks" they introduced in each stage, and that sort of clean, logical, and pleasant progression reminded me a little bit of Celeste.

The main "new mechanic" of MM11 is the "double gear system", which allows you to get a temporary limited boost to your power or slow down time for a bit.  It was an interesting concept, and actually played out pretty neatly in practice a few times -- those moments when you activate the both (double) gears at once for a last-ditch attempt to beat a miniboss and then finish the fight at low health.

However, one of my complaints about all of these "extra" 2D platforming abilities -- whether it be special weapons in mega man, additional items in shovel knight, or even magic spells in hollow knight -- is that they tend to provide a sort of frantic decision paralysis in the moment while you're in the middle of an intense fight or platforming section.

The issue is that platforming and jumping around and shooting and all of these things already occupies so much of your brainspace in terms of attention required, that it's really hard to also add in the double gear system and trying to use the different special weapons and all of those things.

Now that I'm writing about this, it really gets me thinking about 2D platformer ability design.  I know that other people might really enjoy switching between different weapons during the middle of a Mega Man level, but I've always found it to be cumbersome, and a weak point of the series for me personally -- I always Buster my way through most of the stages unless there's something particularly well suited for a particular weapon (e.g. a tricky room, a platform that I need to air-dash too, etc).

There are multiple reasons for this:

- Weapons have limited ammo available (whereas the mega buster has unlimited ammo), so you naturally want to conserve them for situations where you actually NEED them.

- In addition, the bosses at the end of each stage typically have a significant weakness to a single weapon, and you don't know what it is ahead of time.  Since the boss battle can be one of the most difficult parts of the entire stage, this incentivizes you to save all of your ammo for the boss.  Again, you don't know which weapon type you'll need, and frequently you'll need all of the ammo of that type to beat the boss.

- Switching weapons requires either opening up the menu -- which is awkward in terms of game flow -- or quick-toggling via the right analog stick or the shoulder buttons.  The right analog stick selection is actually great, but there aren't enough opportunities to really =practice= mapping each direction to a weapon in order for it to become second nature.  Because of this, switching weapons requires you to stop and think about which weapon you want to use, figure out which direction to press in order to switch, THEN go about using the weapon.

So even though I thought Mega Man 11's eight special weapons were GREAT in their variety and design (you could tell they each would be useful in very different cases), I didn't find myself using them much outside of boss and miniboss battles.

I know this is part of Mega Man's fundamental core design, so I don't really blame Capcom for not iterating on it, but I do wonder if perhaps a different mechanic for boss weapons would work a little better.

If you look at abilities in Metroidvania games, you'll see that they fall into two different groups:

Some abilities fit very naturally into gameplay and you find yourself using them again and again very naturally.

The most common way for abilities to fall into this category is for them to just be upgrades to your existing powers.  Get a main weapon upgrade?  You're automatically using it all the time.

Note that some abilities are not "direct" upgrades but natural and very obvious extensions of existing powers.  A doublejump ability, for example, is very straightforward to grok.  The speed booster upgrade in Super Metroid is the same way -- there's nothing complicated about how to activate it, you just keep running.

Another common way for abilities to fall into this category is for them to be required to be used very very commonly.  The morph ball in Metroid falls into this category -- you use it soooooo often that it becomes second nature for you to use it again and again and again.

Other abilities don't really become part of your regular rotation.  They're either too situational, difficult to use, have a cost associated with them, etc.

The X-Ray scope in super metroid sort of falls into this.  Not only does the X-Ray scope stop all of your momentum, but you often don't really =know= when and where you need to use it.  So oftentimes your only choice is to go through the entire world pausing every so often to x-ray scope......but nobody does that because that would take foreeevvverr.

Most of the attack spells in Hollow Knight tend to fall into this category.  Not only do they require mana to use (mana which could be used for healing instead!), but there aren't a lot of enemies where using a certain magic attack is required or even significantly recommended over just using your sword.

The good thing about the offensive spells in Hollow Knight, though, is that they're very easy to execute, like the special moves in the Smash Bros series: Button press gives you a fireball.  Up + button press gives you an upwards attack.  Down + button press gives you a dive.  Very intuitive.  So even though I never really ended up using most of these most of the time, they're still easy to remember.

Perhaps that's really the key -- the control scheme associated with the abilities.  The WORST way to add a new ability is to simply add a new button or key for every single ability you gain.  There are some games where at the end of the game literally every button on the controller performs a different action: Jump, Attack, Sprint, Dash, Glide, Special Move 1, Teleport, ....

So maybe =intuitive button combos= and =contextual actions= are the way to go.  That still doesn't fix the problem of having limited ammo though.

What about something like this?

Every time you beat a robot master, you unlock a new ability.  These abilities have various intuitive input commands, for example:

Jump + Attack (while in the air): Performs a mid-air forward dash with a sword slice.

Special button + no direction: Creates an energy shield around you that absorbs enemy projectiles.  The next time you press the special button, the shield fires in the direction that you are holding (or facing)

Special button + either side: Shoots a boomerang in the direction that you're facing.  It has some tracking ability, which means you can direct it upwards or downwards by jumping before or after the shot.

Special button + down: Sends an energy bolt downwards.  When it reaches the ground, it splits into two energy balls that travel along the ground until hitting an enemy.

Special button (while mega buster is fully charged): 

Button combinations and contextual actions are used to help your muscle memory instead of forcing the player to memorize the arbitrary position of each of 8 different weapons.

These abilities all draw from a =shared ammo pool=, encouraging you to choose the ability that best fits the situation.

The shared ammo pool replenishes every time you die.  Normally Mega Man weapons encourage you to AVOID using them carelessly, because if you use up ammo on a boss and then die, you're left in a worse situation than you started with -- having to face the same boss battle, but with less ammo available.

In addition, the shared ammo pool also replenishes through normal gameplay, via something like:

- Gradual replenishment over time

- Replenishes with each enemy destroyed

- Replenishes via random pickups from enemies and scattered around the level.  There's also a large pickup before each boss.

The point is to encourage the regular use of these weapons as the situation demands, rather than incentivize saving ammo for the very end.  You need the player to become comfortable with using each of these abilities and the only way to really do this is to incentivize them to use them repeatedly.

So I dunno, maybe that's not a perfect solution.  But I do feel like there is a lot of room for experimentation and iteration here.

One thing that Mega Man 11 DID do right was giving rush coil/rush jet it's own button.  Woo!!!

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Have been continuing to drill puyo transitions -- I've gotten sort of comfortable with the sandwich transition and am now trying to wrap my head around GTR.  Building the GTR core is ok, but I find myself having trouble finding the right forms to work on both the first and second floor simultaneously with GTR since it's only 3 tall and I don't yet have a handle on managing color conflicts.