#regan fic

[drewmorg4n]

chapter 22 is up…

[sweatyrickgrimes]

[fanfics4thefanatics]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50896996

[rosadellic]

someone please write a long AU of rick and negan but have it based off the resident. but instead of being disgusted that he's being watched and stalked by his creepy, handsome neighbor, rick's enamored by it and doesn't call the cops {ಠ‿↼}

im already imagining negan in rick's bathtub. you guys know where this is going.

[grimeshound]

SCOUT’S HONOR.

word count: 2,292

pairing: rick grimes x negan smith

summary: the one where rick shows off a skill he learnt in the boy scouts, to negan’s amusement.

warnings: 18+, dirty talk, praise kink, degradation kink, oral sex (m receiving), creampie.

a/n: finally uploading my first ao3 work onto tumblr ^_^ this takes place around season 8/9 but i physically cant put a photo of s9 rick without laughing… love him but not his best look i fear

ill most likely use tumblr mainly for casual blurbs or short ideas not long enough for fics, but i wanted to upload this to get the ball rolling. hope you enjoy!

—-

Time blurred in the cell. Minutes bled into days, days into weeks, weeks into months. Negan Smith, the once-feared leader of the Saviors, had been stripped of his grandeur piece by piece. Life in the Sanctuary had kept him on his feet—always something to fix, someone to intimidate, something that demanded his attention. But prison was a complete 180, he was bored out of his goddamn mind. And just when he thought he’d go crazy, like some twisted prayer had been answered, the cell door swung open.

The sheriff strode down the steps, hips swaying with a deliberate, steady rhythm that had Negan’s ears perking up at the echoed sound of booted footsteps filling the prison cell walls. Rick’s expression was closed off, unreadable as he came to a halt just beyond the bars.

“Well, well,” Negan grinned, “Looks like Christmas came early. Missed me that much, Rick?”

Rick’s deadpan expression didn’t waver. “You can’t taunt me anymore, Negan. You’ll be stuck in that cell for the rest of your life. Your days are over.”

“So, you came here to taunt me, huh?” Negan drawled, slumped against the wall with one hand clutching his chest in mock agony. “Wanted to gloat a little, feel better about yourself? And here I was thinkin’ you actually missed me, prick. I’m hurt.”

Rick sighed, the irritation building with every one of Negan’s quips. “I came because I need you. We need directions to a Savior outpost up north.”

Negan’s face lit up as he pushed himself to his feet. Though the height difference between him and Rick was barely noticeable, the space between them always felt charged, like Negan was somehow towering over him. He stepped forward, pressing himself against the steel bars, closing as much distance as the barrier would allow as he slung his arms across the bars, hand inches away from Rick’s face.

“I can finally die a happy man now, hearin’ the great Rick Grimes sayin’ those words.” Negan mimicked Rick’s drawl, his voice dropping low. “I need you.” His tone was husky, his mocking imitation sending an involuntary shiver down Rick’s spine.

Rick had managed to grow somewhat used to Negan’s childish nature, the relentless teasing never seeming to die down. Even when the older was confined in prison. It was impressive, really. Ignoring the taunt, Rick grabbed his keys, stepping inside the cell as the door creaked open. Negan’s expression turned gleeful, an amused glint in his eye.

“Finally givin’ in, huh? Knew this day would co—”

Negan’s words came to a sudden halt as Rick grabbed him by the collar, slamming him back against the cold concrete wall, pinning him there with the weight of his body. “You’re coming with us,” Rick growled, his voice low as he leaned close, the words brushing against Negan’s ear. “And you’ll lead us to that outpost.”

Negan’s eyes flicked back, catching Rick’s intense gaze as he felt a rope loop around his wrists, binding his hands securely. A smirk played on Negan’s lips as he recognized the knot. “Real kinky, Ricky. A bowline knot, huh? Takes me back. They taught me that shit in Boy Scouts, you know.”

Even restrained, Negan’s mouth kept running, his taunts flowing without fail. Rick couldn’t resist a jab back. “I find it hard to imagine you as a Boy Scout,” he remarked, adjusting the knot and squinting as his eyes adjusted to the dim cell. “Oh, I was,” Negan huffed, grinning as he felt the pull of the rope. “Bet you were a real cute Boy Scout yourself, huh? Goody two-shoes Grimes.”

Rick felt a dry chuckle slip out before he could stop it, hoping Negan hadn’t noticed. But by the way Negan’s grin widened, he knew he had. But Negan only smirked, letting his eyes roam up and down Rick’s body, defiance in his eyes.

“Ricky,” he practically purred, “you can keep playing leader all you want. But, if only your people knew. If they saw you the way I see you...”

Rick’s brow quirked despite himself, curiosity flaring before he could tamp it down. He hated it, hated the intrigue that pricked at the back of his mind, that questioning look now painted across his face. Rick didn’t need to ask however, as Negan finished his train of thought.

“Like a whore ,” Negan breathed.

Rick’s mouth went dry, his pulse thundering in his chest. His mind flashed back to every brutal fight they’d had, all the times they’d wrestled each other to the ground—Rick on top, fists swinging as Negan laughed beneath him, their faces inches apart. He’d blamed the feeling that twisted in his stomach on adrenaline, on the thrill of the fight. But now, standing here, that mask of denial crumbled. He saw it for what it truly was. Lust .

Negan’s gaze locked onto him, a knowing glint in his eyes. Hands restrained with the bowline-knot, yet he still manages to have the upper hand. He couldn’t help the arrogant smirk that crept onto his expression. “Just give in, prick. You want it just as bad as I do. Maybe even more.”

Negan pressed in, closing the scant space left between them, eyes trailing over Rick with a predatory gleam. He leaned down, pressing his nose to Rick’s neck. The sheriff’s breath hitched, his chest rising and falling as he felt Negan’s warm breath grazing his skin. Slowly, Negan began tracing kisses down Rick’s neck, letting his lips press against the sheriff’s skin. Rick’s hand moved up almost involuntarily, fingers tangling into Negan’s hair, once pure jet black now streaked with strands of gray.

Despite his cocky front, Negan couldn’t hide the desperation that lingered underneath. Cooped up in his cell, starved for touch, every brush of Rick’s fingers sent sparks across his skin. He’d wanted Rick since the moment he’d seen him at the lineup; now, finally, he had him, and it felt like ecstasy.

The air around them was charged, heavy with something undeniable. Even without his signature leather jacket, replaced now by a worn, navy-blue button-up, Negan still carried that distinct scent. Woodsy, with a hint of leather— that intoxicating scent that quickly filled Rick’s senses, overriding everything else. Rick let out a shaky breath as Negan’s tongue traced his neck, letting himself sink into that heady scent.

“Negan, please… need you,” Rick stammered, voice low and breathless. Negan’s hungry gaze locked onto him, something dark and primal flaring in his eyes. “Yeah, baby? Go on, then. You can have me.” That was all Rick needed to hear. He tightened his grip on Negan’s hair, pulling him in for a kiss that was deeper, more intense than any he’d shared before. It wasn’t like any kiss he’d ever had—not with Lori, not with anyone. This was something else. Something that changed him in a way he could never come back from

Caught in their haze, Rick managed to push Negan back onto the cot, the savior’s hands still bound behind him. Negan raised an eyebrow, biting back a wolfish smirk as Rick knelt down, fumbling with his belt.

“Look at you, Rick. So damn eager .” Negan’s voice was thick with amusement.

“Will you ever shut up?” Rick shot back, cheeks flushed, realizing he was on his knees between his rival’s legs—Negan Smith, the man he’d fought so hard against, and the man he’d come to feel so much for. His hands moved down, pulling Negan’s boxers down and wrapping his hands around Negan’s cock. Rick pumped his hand a few times before lowering his mouth. The brunette quickly realized that that was easier said than done, as he couldn’t help but gag loudly, tightly gripping Negan’s thighs as a low groan escaped the man above him. He was fucking big .

“Just like that… Always such a good boy for me…” Negan moaned, chest rising and falling as Rick struggled to take it all in. Rick, always a fast learner, began bobbing his head. The obscene sounds bouncing off the walls of the cell.

“Goddamn, Rick… suckin’ my dick like it’s what you were made to do. So good for me, huh, baby?”

Rick’s tear-filled eyes looked up at Negan, lips swollen and eyes glistening. Negan swore he could’ve cum from that sight alone. Rick, gazing up at him with that heartbreakingly sad expression, his brows knit as tears threatened to fall, brunette curls bouncing with each movement.

“Keep goin’, just like that, M’gonna cum in that pretty little mouth of yours…” Negan moaned. But just as he felt himself teetering over the edge, Rick pulled back, a trail of saliva connecting his lips to Negan. Precum still glistened at the tip, and Negan’s face twisted with frustration.

“Shit, this some kinda punishment? Payback for all the crap I put your group through?” Negan tilted his head, watching as Rick began unbuckling his own belt, pushing his slacks down just enough to give Negan access. “Want you inside of me,” Rick muttered, cheeks flushed as he settled on Negan’s lap, aligning himself

Negan’s smirk softened, a glint of satisfaction in his eyes. The sheriff, Rick Grimes—his rival, and the man he wanted most, was now here, on his lap. Rick was an amateur, clearly, but that only made this more intimate. Negan felt a wave of pride knowing he’d be Rick’s first—and last.

Rick took a breath, sliding down onto Negan’s cock, biting his lip at the stretch. The sting was sharp and Rick’s pace was slow, easing himself to adjust to the length of it all. Negan only watched, eyes hooded with lust.

“ Ffffuck… so damn good, baby. Takin’ it like a pro,” Negan sighed, as Rick’s movements became smoother, pain slowly turning to pleasure.

“Shit, hurts like hell…” Rick groaned, his eyes squeezed shut.

Negan leaned forward, kissing Rick’s neck softly, cooing, “Doin’ so good, baby… takin’ my dick like a good boy.”

And with that, Rick’s pained groans shifted into desperate, needy moans. Wrapping his arms around Negan’s neck, he rode the older harder, both of their moans reverberating off of the cell walls. Without warning, Negan bucked his hips up, meeting Rick’s hips with his own as he bottomed out, pounding harder with each motion.

“And what would your little Alexandrians say, seein’ their fearless leader like this, huh? Gettin’ fucked senseless like a bitch in heat?” Negan taunted, lips curled into a devilish grin. “Keep this up Ricky, and I might just knock you up.”

Rick’s eyes flew open, wide with arousal and disbelief, his cheeks red as he clawed at Negan’s chest, feeling himself reaching the edge. He’d never felt so damn full in his life. The feeling of Negan pistoning in and out of him at a breakneck pace was driving Rick mad. “F-Fuck, Negan… I… wanna cum, please…”

Negan’s grin softened, his voice low and rough. “That’s it, Rick… You’re such a good boy…” He pulled him in for a soft kiss, an action that would’ve been deemed wholesome if not for the way Negan was fucking into him like a madman. “Beg me.”

Rick looked back at the taller man like he’d lost his damn mind, eyes wide. “Wh-“

“I said, fucking beg me, or I’ll leave you here. On the floor all fucked out like a cheap whore for your people to find.”

“P-Please.. Please let me, Negan- Need to cum, need you-“ Rick mewled, babbling on dumbly, feeling light-headed from the relentless pace Negan had set.

“C’mon, baby. Cum for me.”

That was all it took. Rick’s climax washed over him, his moans filling the cell. As waves of pleasure rode over him, Rick steadied himself as best he could, hands tightly grasped on Negan’s broad shoulders as he began riding Negan harder. Rick looked at him, eyes low-lidded, light-headed and dizzy from the pleasure. The sheriff managed to rasp out, voice hoarse from all the obscene noises that have been escaping past his parted lips.

“Please, Negan.. inside, cum inside me. ”

Just like that, Negan felt that familiar twist in his stomach as came inside of Rick, the hot liquid quickly filling the brunette up to the brim as tears threatened to fall from Rick’s eyes. Panting from the climax, Rick slumped against Negan’s chest, head resting on his shoulder as his breathing steadied. Negan’s hand rubbed circles on his back, soothing him. “Did so good, baby. M’impressed.”

“The… the outpost…” Rick mumbled, still dazed.

Then, realization dawned on him. Negan’s hand was on his back. And as he looked closer, he realized—Negan’s hands were free. The rope, once bound tightly in a bowline knot, lay discarded on the cot. Stumbling back, Rick’s legs wobbled as he struggled to his feet, staring at Negan.

Negan gave a cheeky grin. “Careful there. Don’t want you fallin’ over.”

“The knot… You—” Rick started, realization dawning.

Negan laughed. “Knots weren’t your strong suit in Boy Scouts, huh? Not gettin’ any badges any time soon. Don’t worry, nothin’ to be ashamed of.”

Rick glared, but he couldn’t hide the dazed look in his eyes.

Negan smirked, standing up and placing a hand on Rick’s shoulder, holding his gaze. “I’ll lead you to the outpost. On one condition—you let me out of here.” He extended his hand, and after a pause, Rick nodded, dumbfounded, too rattled to refuse.

Negan handed Rick the discarded rope, watching him with satisfaction as Rick’s mind raced. What would the Alexandrians think if they knew? What if someone had heard them? Panic flickered across his face. Luckily for Rick, Negan knows the younger man better than the back of his hand. Ripping from his thoughts, Negan leaned in, whispering into Rick’s ear.

“Relax, Rick. I won’t tattle. Scout’s honor.”

[alexpdcl]

Your art is just immaculate, it's just amazing!! I wanted to send a message just say you're so insanely talented and your regan art has kept me fed for weeks, and also to ask if you have any good regan fic recs? Doesnt have to be soley angst/fluff/in universe or out just what are your fave regan (To be fair any rick fics as he is the moment) fics

HELLO ... I've been procrastinating on getting to your ask for the past 5 months-ish (SORRY the least I can do is to compensate with art 😭) ... I'm afraid I might not be the right person to ask for regan fic recs given how little fics I'm exposed to (I've not read at least 20 can u believe me)

thank you for the sweet ask though ! I did enjoy putting out regan art when I had the twd fix

anyways to answer your question it would be these few: (most of them are looooooong fics)

who said that tinder never works? (an ongoing 200k wc slowburn written by @/drewmorg4n and @/addicted2twd, I haven't caught up with it for some time now but I will.. eventually ... )

something to remember (author has not updated it in ages and I'm FURIOUS /lh)

silver linings (also not updated for some time)

hatchet (it's finished !)

hope this helps!

[tttovarichhh]

Die or fuck

And Rick Grimes has nowhere to run again. From Negan, from his responsibilities, from himself. From himself first and foremost.

"Eh Rick, well what am I supposed to do with you?"

Negan grins crookedly, arching his back, stretching. Rick is sickened by that grin, so catlike that it makes Grimes want to howl. Perhaps only dog-like behaviour can resist Negan's endless desire to break, to appropriate, after smiling sweetly, smashing another innocent's skull with a bat.

"I've given away more than half of what we have. Alexandria has to survive somehow too, we don't collect tribute from other settlements like some."

"Oh, I don't even know who we're talking about," Negan whispers, bending down to Grimes' ear. The whisper sends a wave of goosebumps through Rick's body and he cringes, trying to push the intrusive thoughts out of his head. The thoughts swarm beneath his skull, screaming for the lips that are so close they could bite in, licking away the blood.

No, Rick, hell no, get a grip.

"Rickii? I'm still here," Negan leans against the wall next to Grimes, literally backing Rick into a corner. He rests the bat on the shoulder of the man across from him and smiles again, running his tongue along the white row of teeth. And Rick gasps.

"What do you want from me?" Rick literally whispers on an exhale, hearing the voice betray him. Fuck.

"From you? Oh, Rick, I've already got quite a list assembled. Do you want it alphabetical or by date?"

Grimes feels queasy. He averts his eyes, examining the clock on the wall. Rick has never once seen it working - time had stopped in Alexandria even before Grimes' group showed up at the settlement and sometimes he really thinks, what if they'd never ended up here in the first place? What if Negan hadn't turned out to be an enemy, but a friend with whom they would have literally ripped off neighbouring villages together? No, that's impossible. At the very least, because Grimes has a concept of morals and principles, the bastard on the contrary doesn't.

"Yeah, Ricky, you're getting boring," the bat slides down his shoulder closer to his throat and Grimes feels the wire digging into his skin.

"I don't have time for fun. Especially when my men are being robbed."

"Rick, relax. I don't like boring people. They don't live much, especially around me."

Negan touches Grimes' chin with his fingers with a glove, slides cheekbone line, and then raises the man's head sharply to meet his eyes.

"And something has changed, hasn't it? In those eyes. And that's what I like."

"I don't understand," he tries to lower his gaze, but Negan won't let him, still holding him firmly by the chin.

"Oh, come on. Or am I affecting you so much that something in your head shuts off? Oh yeah, I can see it in your eyes. Ricky, Ricky Grimes, who would have thought you'd break down like that?"

"Enough."

Negan grins, pressing Grimes sharply against the wall in the very corner, gently sliding his fingers from his cheekbones down Rick's neck to the collar of his shirt.

"No, that's not how it works. Not with me. You know, it was on the list from the beginning, but I wanted to break you a little longer. But why, really? It's all clear enough."

"Negan, please," Rick whispers barely audible, closing his eyes and pressing his whole body into the wall. The very same swarm of thoughts is now buzzing in his head, crowding out all other thoughts, especially the remnants of sanity.

"Die or fuck. You don't have a choice. No, there is a choice - me or Lucille drinking your blood."

And Rick surrenders. To Negan and to himself, to his vows and beliefs and confessions. Rick surrenders, pitching forward, touching his lips to Negan's, cursing himself for this weakness. His heart repeats the dead loop from the Independence Day airshow he loved to watch with Carl, travelling to another state on purpose. Right now, Grimes is the same plane pilot who makes the fatal mistake of falling out of his seat, forgetting to fasten his seatbelt and finding himself at the mercy of the elements. And the elements suck him in, kissing him back, predatory, impatient, playing with his tongue. Rick melts, biting the man's lower lip, tasting his blood like it's as important to him as water and food. God, this is unbearable.

"Whoa, someone wants it all at once," Negan laughs hoarsely, only pressing his body harder against Rick's, closing off any possible avenues of escape. And Grimes doesn't even think about retreating.

"Maybe that was on my list, too?"

Negan only grins at those words, setting the bat aside, close enough to reach if necessary, and kisses Rick again, moving down to his neck, licking the scratches left by the wire. Rick buries his fingers in Negan's hair, pulling away the back of his head as if still trying to fight.

"Why you?"

"Because I can kill you, but you can never kill me. And that turns you on."

"Bastard," Grimes hisses, clinging to Negan's lips again as if it were his lifeline, which in fact only drags him down harder.

Negan's fingers slide under Rick's t-shirt, tugging at his ribs and the short scars between them and Grimes moans softly as the Saviours leader touches an old scar from a former life without zombies or questions about his own sexuality.

[ao3sbatfamily]

Long hurt/comfort fics?

Tim travel fics are my go-to for hurt/comfort

'Wants and Needs (Well, Mostly Wants)' by Rhiw

He was halfway through the second can, using a broken piece of a wine bottle as an impromptu knife so he didn’t have to keep using his (admittedly meager) grip strength to get the bags open, when a started “Good lord” caught him off guard. Tim glanced up, the rhythmic sucking of his pacifier coming to a still at the sight of a black Rolls Royce idling at the side road that lead to Wayne Manor. Alfred was staring at him from the over the car top, aghast. “Master Bruce, it’s not a raccoon.”

From the back seat, Bruce Wayne stared at him. Tim stared back. Slowly, the Gotham Times was neatly refolded and set aside. The door opened and Bruce stepped out, tie loose around his neck and blazer missing. The man’s mouth opened, before shutting soundlessly. He crossed the distance between them and crouched down, eyes flittering from the piles of trash around them, the fallen trash can Tim was waist deep in, and then to the piece of glass in his hand.

“Hey Tim.” Bruce said slowly, “do you remember me? I’m Bruce Wayne, I’m a friend of your parents.”  Tim nodded. “Can I have that?” He asked, gesturing to the glass shard.

[daedalusvulture]

Some of my favorite 10k+ words, Rick x Negan fic recommendations!

(p.s. keep in mind that not all of these include healthy relationships, and please read the tags/warning of each fic before continuing👍)

(p.p.s. I have obviously not read every single Rick x Negan fic in existence, so there are just the ones I liked and read.)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Completed, 309,608 word count, 30 chapters.

Completed, 72,452 word count, 10 chapters

Completed, 110,338 word count, 27 chapters

Completed, 55,375 word count, 12 chapters

Completed, 78,374 word count, 20 chapters

Completed, 106,279 word count, 20 chapters

Completed, 56,757 word count, 13 chapters

Completed, 89,396 word count, 10 chapters

Completed, 13,142 word count, 15 chapters

Completed, 10,512 word count, 6 chapters

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

These are all I have for now <3 maybe I'll continue when I read more

Also these are put in no particular order, I just scrolled down my bookmarked and put whichever I saw first

[bitterrobin]

I've realized as I write CHIROPTERA that a lot of the interactions/first impressions about Damian boil down to:

Dick/Tim/Barbara: damn. this kid sucks

Cass: *cringe*

Bette: noooo he's just a little guyyyy. he's just a babyyy

Tom: ok he sucks but he's funny when he insults people

Rory: ok he sucks but also, counterpoint, all kids suck and no that doesn't say anything about me-

[twdxtrevor]

I need help finding a lost fanfiction I read, but I cannot remember the author/title however I am pretty sure that it was on Ao3

Ship: Rick grimes/Negan Smith

Description: Rick and Negan both alone came across each other in i think a convenience store/house and decided to team up for a few days but planned to eventually separate since they didn't trust eachother, Over time they decided to stay together because they were both on their own and over time they started to care for one another and began a romantic relationship. I think at one point they got engaged or something, specifically in this fic rick did not call him negan I think he called him Dean, they lived in the city together however negan got sick or hurt and the rick went to the city for supplies or something then when he came back I think Negan was gone . . yada yada more time goes by Rick joins alexandria and Negan joins the saviors, they don't reunite until the Roundup where Rick sees his Dean who goes by Negan

I hope that it's description wasn't as bad as I believe it to be, but if know what I'm talking about please lmk i would love to reread this

Update: the fic was found, thanks so much for the help (found in comments)

[drewmorg4n]

masterlist

drew - he/him - 21 - about me

requests are open - rules + characters i write can be found here

before you request, please make sure you specify the type of reader, situation/scenario, smut/fluff/angst etc, and character. if you don’t provide me with enough info, i won’t be able to write anything for you

this is my first time doing anything like this so i apologize that my list of characters and fandoms i will write for is so short, but i hope to try and expand it soon

the walking dead

rick grimes

where we belong - trans male reader

After moving into a new neighborhood, surrounded by new people, only one person was nice enough to introduce themselves, and that was Rick Grimes. You were shy at first, didn’t really talk much, and even closed yourself off - but Rick was persistent on getting to know you. Ever since then he’s been your best friend, but he doesn’t even know your biggest secret yet. Should you tell him? How would he react? Would he be disgusted by you and possibly break off your friendship?

rick grimes x negan smith

savior

Rick Grimes is the local sheriff, riding along with his friend Shane. A call comes through the radio, calling officers to a scene. They arrive to a suicide attempt. Rick is hit hard by the whole scene, which is very unusual for him. What will his next actions be?

divided by a screen

Rick isn’t a fan of social media; everyone knows that, but Shane somehow changes his mind, and the outcome is something Rick never would have expected.

no way out - college au

When Rick runs into a group of guys who have been bullying him, he finds himself in a rough situation. How will he get out unscathed?

coffee offer - college au pt. 2

After Rick and Negan’s friendship changes drastically, will either of them decide to take things further?

who said that tinder never works?

After Carl manages to convince his dad to download Tinder, he inevitably matches with multiple people; one of which is his polar opposite, and the more appeasing option, a fellow single parent.

negan smith

glass scars - trans male reader

You and Negan run into trouble on a supply run but thankfully manage to make it back to the sanctuary. What happens in your guys’ room is for your eyes only.

[sweatyrickgrimes]

[cokemotherr]

➺ honey, slow down જ⁀➴ A03

﹉﹉﹉

Negan brought Rick closer so he could teasingly run his lips over the soft skin under his chin. “Only for you, Georgia. Can’t say I’ve ever met someone with eyes like you either, must be a fucking dream that I got this lucky.”

Rick fell into Negan kissing across his neck now, shivering from it.

His tongue was warm and moist moving across his lower throat, dipping lower until he found his collar bone.

﹉﹉﹉

{wholesome regan AU. set in 1995 but continues on}

[gh0ulkitty]

Posted my previous drabbles as a fic. Stay tuned because I might make it multi-chaptered in the future.. Who knows?

[whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go]

Therapy is expensive. But you know what's free? Going into the woods and lighting a treehouse on fire!