#referenced past dubcon

[ashintheairlikesnow]

“What’s wrong with your friend?” For 5 sentence game

CW: Some frank references to dubcon/noncon, also Juliet is fucking calculated and I love her

Beringer's masterlist is here

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"What's wrong with your friend?"

"What?" Juliet looks over her shoulder, blinking a few times, trying to figure out who in the hell Gina could possibly be talking about. There's at least a dozen people eating dinner in here already, and the other two dozen or so will come in on their own, stragglers fighting the wind cutting their cheeks and freezing their lungs.

"Who... who do you mean, Gina?"

She doesn't exactly have a lot of friends. She holds her bowl out while Gina ladles the soup into it.

It's been bubbling on the stove all day in a giant pot and smells like sheer heaven, slow-cooked pork with hominy and tomatillos and a pile of cilantro as big as her head waiting for everyone to decide what they want. Juliet looks down at her steaming bowl and adds cilantro, radishes, cabbage strips, a dollop of sour cream. The others add different things, and she thinks about how when she worked, she mostly just ate shit from the convenience store. Sometimes she was lucky enough to snag a tamale from the tamale cart.

Sometimes, her clients took her out to fancy dinner at restaurants that had four-month waits for reservations, but none of that food ever tasted as good as the tamale straight from a big plastic bucket, wrapped in corn husk, making her fingers damp and slick with lard and condensation, burning her tongue. Sometimes Romeo was with her and would buy her one with money he got washing dishes at restaurants, paid in cash with no question asked. He used to make more selling his mouth and hands, but he's got too many scars for that, now, he said. People want Romantics to look young and flirty and like innocence defiled, and it's hard to look innocent when half your face is a twisted line pulling your mouth to one side.

Still, he made life work.

She hopes, sometimes, that he's still out there, still making it work. But life expectancies for runaway Romantics aren't more than a couple of years, and he'd already outlived his by the time she met him.

She'd love to see him one more time, though. Those tamales, sitting on the curb with Romeo giggling over them with fruity jamaica soda fizzing up her nose, those were the greatest things she ever ate, the best times she had. Those tamales, and Romeo's good-natured cursing, tasted like home, like laughter and Christmas, in ways she isn't allowed to remember.

The posole that Gina makes, though, that brings memories, too. Headaches, sure, but lately she can get through the headaches, more and more.

Gina snorts. "Him," She says, gesturing with her ladle. Broth shimmery with pork fat drips off of it, unnoticed. She has tendrils of dark curls stuck to her forehead and cheeks and the back of her neck, where her heavy hair is swept up in something both like and unlike a bun. "That one. He's with you all the time lately."

Oh. Beringer.

Juliet shrugs. "He's not really my friend. He's the one that came in with the handler out in the shed. I've been helping him figure stuff out here. Might as well be useful before Brock notices I don't do shit around here."

"Brock's a softie, he won't make you do anything you don't want to do." Gina leans around Juliet to look more closely at Beringer. "Huh. Ophie said he was a daycare pet."

"He was, I think."

"Really? But he's..."

"Handsome?"

Gina smiles, slightly shamefaced. "Well... I just. He looks more like one of your kind, is all I'm saying."

Juliet snorts. "My kind. Right. The whores, you mean. The giant fucking sluts."

Gina turns bright red. "I didn't say that!"

"Thought it, though. Anyway, we're all good-looking, remember? It's part of the draw of the whole damn system. Get a pretty person to do whatever degrading shit you dream about with a smile on their face and a song in their heart." Juliet laughs without humor. Outside, the wind whirls snow past the windows. It stopped actually snowing a while back, but it's dry stuff, easily lifted by the breeze that whistles past the corners of every house. It races itself over the salted, plowed roads like horses hellbent on making it to the horizon.

"Well. Not everyone has to... you know." Gina's smile fades, and she won't meet Juliet's eyes as she says it.

Juliet lifts her chin. It's not her fucking fault, she reminds herself, that she only knows one way to get by. It's not her fault, she was made that way, and you can't blame someone for doing what they know. "Trust me. You might not have had to fuck them, but you still had to act like less than a person, and that's a kind of fucking, too."

Gina swallows, hard. Silence draws out, and then Juliet stomps away, over to the table where Beringer sits. The daycare pet watches the window, lost in his own mind, a cup of coffee long since gone cold in front of him.

"When's the last time you ate, huh?" Juliet sits her tray down a little too loudly, watching him jump in surprise. There are scars on him, too - she can see it on his hands, creeping up the side of his neck, just barely visible. He has more under his shirt, like cobwebs of dead skin.

"Wh-... oh, hi." His smile is brief, but gentle. She could see how he worked well with kids. There's no malice, in a smile like that. No aggression like the men at bars she'd pick up, no desire or demand like the more expensive clients who scheduled in advance. It's just a soft smile, easy as an older brother waking up for church on a Sunday morning so your mother won't know you slept in.

The little girl that's usually glued to his side is off in the play area in the big building where everyone eats, giggling through tag with another girl. One of the Domestics had come with a child in tow, too, unable to bear the thought of losing her. No one has asked if the child is hers.

Juliet wonders if she was a happy kid, when she was that age.

She'll never know.

"Hi doesn't answer my question, Beringer."

"Oh... uh. I don't know." He goes back to watching the window, and she sighs.

"He's not coming out of that shack any faster because of you making goo-goo eyes, you know."

"I know." Beringer leans forward, resting on his elbow, hand in his hair and palm against his forehead. "Rye says he's got a cough starting up. If helping me escape is what gets him killed-"

"Then it's exactly what he fucking deserves."

Beringer looks up, startled, at the flat, sharp edge of her voice. She watches his adam's apple bob as he swallows, sees the slight flare of whites around his eyes. "... Juliet. I told you, he didn't want to do it anymore-"

"Yeah, I hate to let you in on this, but that doesn't matter. Not even a little bit." She smiles to cut the sting in her words, but it doesn't work. His own eyes narrow in response. "Look. Just. You're still in it, I can tell, and it makes sense since you're so new at being out. But he's a handler, Ber. He was a handler, he's still a handler. You don't stop being a handler once you sign their fucking contract. We all know that."

Beringer's jaw works, but he only looks away, back to the window. "He's..."

"What? Nice?" Juliet laughs, bitter as raw chocolate. "Oh, sure, no doubt. Nice to you, you were taking care of his precious baby girl. But I bet he beat the shit out of someone else as soon as he got downstairs to the training rooms, or had one with a mouth on his cock and told the poor trainee it's breakfast. Handlers aren't nice."

"... he isn't like that-"

"They're all like that. You think it was just Romantic handlers who came to my training room to have their fun?" She smiles, and it's a grimace. A snarl. "God, no. I had to spread my legs for every kind of handler you can imagine. At least the Romantic handlers were fucking honest about it."

Beringer stares at her. He has beautiful dark eyes. The kind you could fall into. She can see why the handler out in the shed followed him here, brought him. She'd have done anything for those eyes, too, once upon a time.

"Stop," he whispers. "He was never like that."

"Guarantee he fuckin' was."

"You don't know him."

"Neither do you. Handlers go through fucking months of training, Beringer. They only keep the ones they know will do the dirty work, the worst sons of bitches, the worst bastards, the worst people on earth. I probably sucked fifty handler cocks in training, or more, and you know what?"

He looks like he'll be sick, and some part of her feels good at seeing one of the lucky ones realize what it takes to keep existing when you've been what Juliet had to be to survive. "What?"

"The only ones I saw wearing wedding rings weren't wearing them anymore a few months later. They can't stay married because they don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves."

"His wife-... Marc's wife hated what he did for work, she left-"

"She left? Lucky woman. You should be that smart. Take the kid, go to Canada, and let the handler out there rot. He deserves it. He let plenty of us rot, didn't he? That great good man out there? Looked the other way, probably did plenty of shit he isn't telling you about. While his little girl learned her ABCs upstairs, he taught one of us how to clean grout knowing they'd get shocked half to death if they ever paused for a single. damn. second."

Beringer's eyes go back to the little girl. She's stopped playing. She's watching a show about a cartoon dog, now, standing with a stuffed tiger crooked in her arm. "I-I don't-... know. I haven't really asked him... if he..."

"I know." She sighs, trying to soften her voice, and reaches out to lay a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. I'm being really rude about this, but I swear, it's because I'm worried. If you let him take you to Canada, he'll just want to keep you, to use you. They just have people they want to use. He's using you, Ber."

"He's not." Beringer shakes his head, running his hand over his mouth. He's pale, haunted around the eyes. "He's not. He wouldn't have thought of it on his own. I... I talked to him for months, let him think I'd kiss him, made friends... flirted... did the things I saw them do on TV. I used him."

"Now you don't need him any longer." Juliet nudges his foot under the table with his own, until he looks back at her and she can give him her best wry smile. It's as much a performance as the flirty little grins she'd been so good at once upon a time. "So let him go. Thanks for all the fish, thanks for your baby girl, now go to hell."

"... Rye, he was Rye's handler. Rye said he was always so nice-"

"Right, sure. Bet he was. Then, once Rye knew how to count pills and give baths to old ladies and smile his face off, he sent him on to a house where he got the shit beat out of him by his owner's daughter over and over and over again until he ended up in the clinic four times in a year. Even when he's nice, he's not nice."

Beringer is silent for a long, long time. "What do I tell Mallie when she asks where her daddy is, then, huh? What do I tell her?"

"Tell her he died." Juliet shrugs. "He will anyway, if you're not here to vouch for him any longer. Tell her whatever the hell you want. She's not even old enough to remember you lied. She'll never know. She'll call you daddy after a few months, dad in a few years. You'll be the only father she ever knows. You can watch her grow up, knowing that he can't. Erase him from everyone who mattered to him. Just like they do to us. Take his life and make it serve your needs, what you want, leave him for dead when you're done, and once he's gone through all of it and died after, he'll have paid for everything he ever did to the rest of us who weren't you."

Beringer's breath catches. She thrills, just a little, whenever she lets a man see inside her mind and he looks that frightened afterward. She's never hurt a man in her life - but she's frightened a few, and it's always felt so good.

Romeo was never scared of her, though. He would just find some way to twist her idea and make it even more terrifying. They laughed all the time about the things they could come up with to have their revenge.

"Christ Almighty," He whispers. She's not even sure he knows he said it.

She eats her soup, delighting in the heat and lime and salt and spice, in silence until she's done. She stands to take her dishes back over to the pile of them next to sink, deciding she'll make sure she washes for a half an hour or so to help earn her keep, and pauses.

He's staring out the window again.

"You don't owe him anything." She makes her voice as calm and as gentle as she can. "Understand?"

He doesn't look at her, or answer, but she knows he's thinking about what she said.

Outside, the snow blown by the wind makes sure you can't even see the shack where that handler is being held. Only the fence, and the darkness beyond.

Right where every handler belongs.

[scratchandplaster]

FEBUWHUMP DAY 6 - "You lied to me"

CW: parental Whumper, hypnosis, emotional manipulation, interrogation, conditioning

Previous | [Masterlist] | Next

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"There are still plenty of thoughts inside your head, so let's get them in order."

Shepard was intently focused on his son. Above now dried tear tracks, his unblinking attention denied Ben to be unguarded for even one second, whilst his assertive but nevertheless mellow tone carried him along a carved-out path.

Possessive strokes down his back dragged him further: "Down, just down, always deeper down. We can't choose our sorrows, but you can choose to let them go for a moment, to let me help forget them. Follow my lead."

In and out, it was impossible to resist the pace he was taught so well.

"I would count you down, but you know all my old tricks."

Shepard was not naive, he had to be extremely lucky that his charade still worked after all these months Reuben spent on his own, poisoning his mind and spirit out in the world. That he still responded obediently to the suggestions of the past was a goddamn miracle. One he would gladly use to its full potential.

"Remember all the times we did this before," Shepard repeated for good measure. So many, many times, half of which Ben couldn't even recall. Today was far from the first instance he helped to quiet his ward's nettled thoughts.

It was about time to rectify old lies.

"You always knew where Lukas was, though we both know you claimed otherwise," Shepard sighed low, "Will you tell me now?"

The soft face on his shoulder began to stir back to wakefulness, his bottom lip scrunched up in painful guilt. Rough start.

"Shh, forget that, it was a stupid question. You did nothing wrong." Comforting reassurance and soft circles drawn onto his temples helped to smooth out any risen qualm. "I know it's difficult for you to stay alert during this state, so I'm keeping this easy for us. Just Yes or No from now on, you don't even have to say a word."

Reuben showed himself more agreeable and leaned back against him.

"Is Lukas doing well?"

A small nod. Good.

"Is he eating enough? You know how he always skips breakfast."

Again, Ben nodded against the rough wool of Shepard's sweater while the same tediously tried to keep this interview on track: he could embrace his success later, when both of his sons were near him again. However, the abandoned father was ready to reap the fruits of his endeavor.

"Do you want to tell me where he is?"

Ben quickly shook his head. No, not yet.

"Mhh, I understand."

It felt horrible how easy it was to make him tell the truth, but Shepard had no interest nor intention to question his parenting methods at the moment. He knew exactly what limits confined them: he couldn't make Reuben do or forget anything he didn't want to, at least if he failed to be persuasive enough.

Shepard's boy was easy to read and just as simple as he was loyal to both his brother and father. But not in equal parts, Shepard was at a certain disadvantage he ought to correct. 

Children like them were too inept for the world outside the settlement, so it was no wonder Reuben merely crumpled under the first selfless act of affection in a long time. If his forgiveness was not given freely, Shepherd could just rip it from his fragile heart. For both their peace of mind, nothing else.

"You know how much I love you, both of you."

The shake of Ben's head said it all. It hadn't even been a question, but the blunt answer pricked nonetheless.

"Oh, well, I love you more than the world. I did everything to get you back!" Shepard mused softly, "If not me, what about the rest of our family?"

Kind memories of the people who waited for him outside rinsed Ben of any stray thoughts and drifted with him into the depths. He never wanted to hurt any of them with his decisions. 

"Did you miss us?"

Ben affirmed this shyly, grabbing a corner of Shepard's sweater.

"You are safe here, right?"

A nod.

"You are safe with me."

At the claim, Ben's head rolled around aimlessly, as if he was trying to stir awake again. Shepard tutted; this was a tricky one.

"You are here with me and the others, all together. We watch out for each other, we keep each other secure."

Yes, this made sense. Through the pleasant, thick fog that filled his head, Ben knew it to be sincere.

"Here, you are safe. With us, you are safe."

Safe...together. He couldn't possibly disagree with these smooth words.

"You are safe and loved by us all, we were awaiting your return. Always putting an extra plate on the dinner table for when you decide to come back." 

Shepard had to endure countless days of waiting before accepting that his youngest would stay gone. He had searched for him for so long it made him sick with fear, not knowing if his sons were hurt or fraternizing with God knows what kind of people. Yet, he didn't want for Reuben to realize the damage he had caused, not when he was so calm and open for the right input. 

"And today our wishes were granted!"

Warmth, safety, love. Encased by these sensations, Ben's mind caught itself slipping into easy relaxation once again.

"Can you say it for me, can you tell me that you're safe and loved?"

"'m safe and loved," he slurred quietly against the wool. It felt good to be here in his dad's arms, it felt right.

"That's my boy, I knew we could stand above the past." 

Shepard's sweet promises hugged his exhausted soul, he was too tired of running, adapting, changing. They tried to teach Ben what to say and what to hide out there, but the only thing he understood was to never be himself; another truth nobody could ever tell his brother. He remembered exactly how angry and disappointed Luke loved to get with him.

Cupping his face carefully, Shepard pushed him to sit straight up: "Open your eyes."

With a wide, empty stare but not awake in the slightest, Ben continued to sway back and forth. He was unsure what Dad wanted from him and too dizzy to care, silently begging to be allowed back into the stream of soft, dark dreaminess. Tears collected at the corners of his eyes, but Shepard was far from done with him: "Ben, tell me what you are when you're with us."

"I'm safe and I'm loved," tumbled from his lips without thinking twice about it.

"Yes, you are." Relief washed over Ben like a tsunami: he didn't do anything wrong after all, nobody hated him here.

"Now close these heavy eyes and relax."

As he sagged back down, the inward pull doubled its force. He felt that the soap bubble his brain had become threatened to pop. Too much to focus on, nothing to think about, clutching onto the inner peace Dad had so kindly given him. 

"We all love you so much. Missing is too weak a word to explain how desperately we wanted you back. You are always wanted here." 

Every word was law.

Shepard should feel dirty at using Reuben's obvious weaknesses so bluntly against him, but not today. Today they would celebrate his return and plan the one they enjoyed as soon as the other prodigal son decided to come home. A selfish sting inside Shepard's heart forced the next question out: "Did you miss me?"

A final nod made tears run down Ben's face. Shepard hugged him tighter, as if he never intended to let go again:

"I missed you too, starshine, it's going to be alright. Everything falls into place when we are together."

Numb with joy, Ben felt too tired to hold on to the present any longer, a problem his father gladly helped him with: "Sleep now, sleep and let my words manifest as truth in your mind."

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Febuwhump 2024 Masterlist]

@febuwhump

[hom3landr]

Little Miss Why So

18+

Homelander X GN!Reader

(While the song title referenced is gendered, the reader in the fic is written as gender neutral)

Very loosely inspired by the song of the same name by The Amazing Devil

“Why won’t you believe I love you if I’m not hurting you?” He says.

Written for Cozy Corner Kinktober 2024 for the prompts Crying, Biting, and possibly Magical Healing Cock?

CW: Dubcon, Toxic Coping Mechanisms, Toxic Relationship Dynamics

When he finds you, you’re sobbing. Fat tears stream down your face and drop onto the pavement below. Your eyes are swollen and sticky with sorrow and the force with which you wail stirs up bile in your gut. Rain drenches you and the cloying stench of rot from the wet trash in the alley mimics the disgust you feel for yourself in that moment.

This isn’t about him but you know he’ll take it that way. He seems to take any emotion that isn’t pure adoration of him as some personal slight, as though he’s not good enough to keep you distracted from your pathetic life and its struggles. He sees it as a competition between your world and his. You see it as your reality. You’d wanted to find a quiet place to lick your wounds alone. That’s why you escaped to this filthy alley in the first place. But he found you anyway, vulnerable and ill-prepared to handle his ego.

He doesn’t say anything. He just stands in the alleyway entrance with his hands on his hips and a cock of his head. His face is blank as he looks you over, his lip curling slightly in distaste. You know you look a mess with your nose leaking snot and your cheeks hot and swollen. You don’t say anything. You don’t have the energy. You just sniffle and wait for the inevitable blast wave.

He stays silent, the only noise is the soft patter of rain and the squelch of his boots on the wet ground as he walks toward you. He crowds you against the brick and grips your hips to spin you to face the wall. You brace yourself with your hands and he pushes in close behind you. The soft bulge of his cup hides his erection but you can tell by the eagerness with which he presses against you that he's hard. You rest your head on the wall and sigh. You don’t have the energy to reciprocate but it doesn’t seem like he expects you too.

“You look so good like this,” He purrs in your ear. It surprises you. You know you look like shit. “So pure and perfect.”

He grinds against your ass and peppers your neck with greedy kisses. His hands quickly fumble with the button of your jeans and he slides the zipper down with a hiss. His hand dives into your underwear, testing your readiness. You aren’t at all really but it doesn’t seem to deter him too much. He strokes you exactly the way he knows that you like and your body responds accordingly. You arch into his touch even though your crying hasn’t ceased. He hushes you softly.

You hear the hiss of his own zipper and he uses his knee to coax your legs further apart as he tugs your jeans down past your ass. You offer no resistance. He spits on his palm for some lubrication and strokes himself before pressing in. He goes slow but it still stings a bit without the usual extended preparation. You hiccup and whimper at the stretch but despite all his flaws, you trust him not to cause you any damage. He’s careful and strangely you find that you don’t mind the pain. It’s cathartic.

“Just let it out. That’s it. You’re doing so good.” He coos in your ear as he bottoms out. You grunt, uncomfortably full but satisfied by the distraction from your own thoughts. He doesn’t move except to resume stroking you, humming in pleasure at the way you clench tightly around him.

“I want you to cry for me until you can’t anymore. Don’t fucking stop.” He growls. You nod weakly as you allow the tears to fall freely without shame. There’s nowhere for you to hide with the way you’re pinned between the wall and his hard cock.

The first thrust hurts. You haven’t fully relaxed around him yet although you’re slick enough to take him by now. He grunts, rubbing you faster while his other hand reaches up to grab your jaw, turning your gaze to meet his. He searches your eyes for something and he seems to find it. The cold appraisal in his expression warms slightly as he leans down to lick the salt from your cheeks.

“Give it to me. Don’t hide it.” He moans against your skin as he begins to increase the speed of his thrusts. Your discomfort is quickly evolving into pleasure now at the intensity of the sensations he’s filling you with. You moan and his grips tightens bruisingly, purple inevitably beginning to bloom under his fingers. You cry out and he throbs inside you.

“This belongs to me.” He growls and his pace is brutal as he uses you.

You’re beginning to understand his fervor now. You begin to understand why he feels so entitled to your pain. How many times have you seen him at his weakest? How many times have you held him while he cried and comforted him as his shoulders shook with sorrow and self-pity? He doesn’t like uneven scales. He’s gloating, gleeful that he’s not the only weak one in the relationship.

It’s fucked up…but that’s him. How can you begrudge him when this is all he’s ever known? After all, it is helping. The overwhelm of sensation is the only thing that could have pulled you out of that headspace. You need this wake-up call as a reboot of your brain. Your mournful cries have evolved into needy moans and your hips press eagerly back into his. A kinder response wouldn’t have reached the root of your hurt. Like lancing a boil, you need him to drain the poison out of you.

He continues to whisper sweet nothings in your ear despite the way he’s fucking you as though he doesn’t give a damn whether you live or die. It’s cold and emotionless, using you as merely a sleeve for his cock. But his breath against your ear is warm and he nuzzles sweetly against your temple. You try to speak but the wind is knocked out of you every time his cock pounds against that soft spot inside you.

“I don’t want to hear anything come out of your mouth unless it’s your pathetic sobbing. That’s what you came all this way for, so fucking do it.” He pants breathlessly against your ear as he nears his release.

You do, although the tears that prick at your eyes are those of pleasure now. You’re loose and quivering around him and every nerve ending tingles with electricity. Your nail tears as you claw at the brick to brace yourself for the edge he’s quickly driving you towards.

You cry out his name and he bites your shoulder harshly, the bloody reprimand staining his teeth.

“What did I just fucking say?” He hisses before lapping hungrily at the wound and groaning darkly at the iron tang that fills his mouth. He can taste the endorphins in it and it drives him crazy.

The sudden sharp pain hurls you into a world ending orgasm and your legs give out. You almost collapse until he presses you bodily against his wall. His pace shifts into a deep filthy grind right into your spasming hole as he holds you up with his body. You wail and clench around him and it doesn’t take much longer at all until he’s spilling into you, his release leaking out of you and dripping down his balls onto the slick pavement below. He moans and whines in your ear, his demeanor shifting from cruel to needy in the span of a heartbeat.

You struggle to catch your breath, agony and delight filling your veins in equal measure. It’s perfect. It’s just what you needed. He’s just what you needed, every cruel beautiful inch of him. You don’t merely endure him. You need the sharp edges of him to keep you grounded. You need that pain.

His arms wrap around you. He peppers your sore shoulder with sweet kisses as a silent apology. You’ll need to bandage it up when you return but you aren’t going to worry about it right now. You’re content in his embrace. The two of you wait there in silence as the silver rain continues to fall all around you, causing the dirty alley to glint prettily in the moonlight. Your chest still aches but you can survive it.

“Let’s get you back home. I’ll run you a bath and have the kitchen bring you up your favorite. How does that sound?” His tone is so kind and warm, a far cry from his earlier demeanor. You still aren’t quite capable of speech but you nod.

“There you are.” He coos, and as he scoops you up into his arms and off into the sky, you slip away into a comfortable doze.

You know it’s not healthy but it’s all you have. It’s all he can give you. If it gets you results then you can learn to be content with that. So you lean into him and let the rain wash away the remnants of what ails you.

[venusbyline]

Jacaerys Velaryon — Under the Mistletoe

— summary: When you decided to spend the Christmas Break at your best friend Helaena's house, you did not expect her half-sister's family to be there too. Meeting your ex-boyfriend after the messy breakup was something you did not want for the holidays. At least that was what you thought before looking at him again.

— pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x ex-girlfriend!reader

— type: smut, dark, modern AU

— word count: 2.0k

— tags/warnings: female!reader, dark!Jacaerys, ex-boyfriend!Jacaerys, dubcon, modern AU, Christmas smut, rough sex, vaginal fingering, fingerfucking, semi-public sex, kitchen sex, degradation, finger sucking, cum eating, cum licking, dry humping, rough kiss, past infidelity, referenced cheating, argument, possessive behaviour, past relationship, toxic relationship, college students, Targtowers mentioned, Lucerys Velaryon mentioned, Rhaenyra Targaryen mentioned, curse words, ambiguous/open ending, implied Lucerys Velaryon/reader, toxic!Jacaerys, dom!Jacaerys, sub!reader, no use of y/n. english is not my first language.

— author's notes: Jace was the most voted in the poll I did asking about this modern AU one-shot for Christmas <3 <3 I hope you guys like it and enjoy the holidays.

— author's notes²: The mention about Lucerys Velaryon/reader is really just a mention. But anyway, he's already 18 years old in this one-shot. Also, I'm considering writing fics about Lucerys. It's hard for me to find fics about him and he's really a character that I love very much. So if you want read these next stories, don't forget to tell me. <3 <3

— crossposting: AO3

When your best friend Helaena invited you to spend Christmas Eve at her house, you thought it might be a good idea. You loved her family, despite everything. Alicent, her widowed mom, always treated you like you were her second daughter. Aemond, Helena's younger brother, was so introverted and quiet that he never ended up causing any problems between the two of you. Daeron, the youngest, was sweet to you and loved telling you about how his high school was going.

The bad thing usually was Aegon, Alicent's firstborn, who always drank before and during the celebration and end up causing some intrigue in the family. However, Helaena had assured you that this time Aegon was traveling to another corner of the world and would not be in England for a few weeks. She said his big brother was enjoying Copacabana beach with his friends in Rio de Janeiro, taking advantage of the fact that summer days had started in Brazil, unlike winter in London, and you would only need to catch a glimpse of him on the college campus when classes start again.

The only problem about that night was the sudden presence of Jacaerys Velaryon during Christmas dinner. Eldest son of Rhaenyra, Helaena's half-sister. Your ex-boyfriend.

"Where are you gonna spend the Christmas Break?" Jacaerys murmured without much enthusiasm while you were alone in the kitchen, finishing baking a pie with lemon cream, cornstarch biscuits and meringue.

You turned to face him across the room, the dark red turtleneck he wore matching perfectly with the black jeans and leather jacket of the same color. And especially with that dark, long wavy hair. You sighed, looking away and focusing on the oven again, despite answering him with another question. "Why you wanna know?"

You hoped that Jacaerys would understand your attempts to divert the topic so you could just ignore his existence, even though you knew he did not give up on anything very often, his little side smile proving your point. "Whoa... Don't be so rude, sweetheart. I'm trying to be polite."

"Well, I don't give a shit about your fake polite manner. I shouldn't even be talking to you more than necessary, actually." You murmured in a low but firm voice, standing up and putting the red gloves back on so you could turn off the oven and remove the pan from inside, the hot steam from the pie floating throughout the kitchen and collaborating along with the heater on the wall to warm up the natural cold of winter.

Jacaerys took a few steps, moving closer so he could look at the dessert as you placed it on the table. Even without saying anything, it was impossible not to notice his curious face, seeming surprised by how the pie looked good. However, he cleared his throat and teased you again.

"Aren't you mad that Helaena didn't tell you that my family was going to spend the holiday at her mom's house?"

His invasive question made you roll your eyes, taking the gloves off your hands and putting them back in place, moving around the kitchen to look for a lemon in the fridge and a grater in one of the cabinet drawers. With the object and the citrus fruit in hand, you returned to the table so you could start scraping the peel, small and thin yellow pieces decorating the top of the dessert now.

"Maybe. I wouldn't have come if she warned me."

Jacaerys lose focus on watching the finishing of the pie after your bluntness words, letting out a giggle. "Goddamnit, pretty girl. Still so freaky mad at me?"

You stopped decorating the candy, your hands clenching around the grater handle. "And that surprise you? That I'm still mad about you kissing that stupid bitch during your college friends' Halloween party?"

Jacaerys hummed at your aggressive sarcasm, the smirk playing on his lips while he leaned on the table next to you. "Not really. But I'm impressed that you admitted something like that to me."

When he leaned his face closer to yours, you let out the breath you had been holding since he placed his large, firm fingers on the marble. The woody fragrance of the Jacaerys' fancy cologne made you sigh slightly, your mind filling with memories when you felt that smell very often, especially lying on the bed with him.

You struggled to put the grater and the rest of the lemon on the table and Jacaerys took advantage of the fact that you had not moved away. You could have done it. You should have done that. You had promised to yourself that you would not fall for another Jacaerys Velaryon's stupid apology again. Not after what he did. Not after he kissed another girl at the same party you were at, just to piss you off over a silly argument.

"Stop overthinking, sweetheart. You're so gorgeous when you just understand that you belong to me." Jace teased, using the height difference to his own advantage, his tall body practically covering yours as he moved behind you, his face in your neck and smelling the perfume. "Fuck, pretty girl... You have no idea how much I missed you and your body."

You did not even say anything when he reached up to the medium-sized velvet red dress you were wearing, pushing the fabric with an almost irritating calm and moving his hand to the waistband of your pantyhose. As soon as he lowered it enough and ran his fingers through the lace of your panties, you finally let out a sigh. "We shouldn't be doing this, Jace."

Jace did not bother to answer at first, kissing the back of your neck and playing with your folds covered by your panties, eliciting a few weak whimpers from you until you repeated. "Jace, I said we shouldn't be doing this."

The boy snorted, the small warm gust of air near your face causing you to shiver, his large hand going to your chin and pulling it without much affection to his side, your eyes meeting now. "What shouldn't we be doing, sweetheart? Finally fucking a few months after our stupid breakup or fucking in the kitchen of Alicent Hightower's house, while my family and your best friend's are in the other rooms, almost no one knowing that their beloved guest is nothing more than a needy and dramatic cockslut?”

Your eyes widened at the accusation, knowing full well what he was talking about. "I-I'm not... I'm not dramatic. How can you say something like that? How can you think I'm the wrong one even after you cheated on me?" You exclaimed a little louder, and Jace rolled his eyes, the fingers that was holding your chin now covering your mouth, not worrying about whether or not it would stain your lip gloss. "If you hadn't pissed me off that night, so I wouldn't have cheated on you." You growled under his hand when he whispered in your ear, wanting to push him far away from your body, although his hand inside the lace that covered your pussy made any shred of sanity disappear from your mind.

“J-Jace, don’t…” You whimpered muffled and almost impossible to hear, your ass pressing against his crotch as you squirmed. "They'll hear us..."

"No one will hear us if you keep your pretty mouth quiet, sweetheart. But maybe some of them would like to hear or see you like this. I bet on my little brother Lucerys, the freshman has a secret crush on you. That's why he's always watching you in the college hallways." Jacaerys mocked, nibbling on your earlobe, the tip of his index and middle finger playing with your clit, going down to collect some of your dripping juices and moving his hand up to caress your bud again. "You're so fucking wet. Have you been like this since I came into Hel's house?"

You trembled at the teasing, your hands imitating what he had done before, gripping the edge of the table to keep your body steady without falling to the floor. Jace's fingers gradually increased the pressure and you moaned, trying your best to open your eyes, seeing the mischievous gleam in his brown eyes and the smile widening while he slid the same two fingers in and pushed them inside you without any difficulty. The tearful and loud moan that would echo through the kitchen was interrupted by Jace's mouth on yours, desperate and hungry lips kissing you without worrying about how messy the kiss was being.

Jacaerys was not someone who disliked wet and aggressive kisses, in fact he was totally into it. You knew about that since you dated him months before, so it was not a big surprise when his arousal began to grow inside his jeans, your ass rubbing against him to tease him just like he was doing to you.

"You fucking whore. Are you trying to make me cum in my pants?" Your skin crawled at the sound of his growling whisper.

Jacaerys bit your lip while you were still panting, only letting out soft whimpers when he increased the speed of his fingers and took the opportunity to rub his soft palm over your sensitive clit, making you see stars and moan his name one more time, mentally thanking the universe for Jacaerys loving being DJ at the university parties and know how to use his pretty hands very well.

At least there was something good about always hooking up with Jacaerys Velaryon.

Without taking out of you, Jacaerys pulled you towards the other door in the kitchen with his free arm, the one that led to the hallway stairs. For a moment, you looked at him in silence, confused but thinking he would take you upstairs and fuck you in the guest room. However, the boy let out a nasal scoff and pointed to the green and red mistletoe decorated at the top of the doorframe. Your furrowed seeing the Christmas ornament above your heads, but you did not have time to question anything, not when Jace fucked his fingers in and out of you.

The wet noises of your pussy being used by him was as lascivious as the sound of his tongue searching for yours again, tasting your mouth as if it were the best candy in the world. The moment you distanced yourself so you could lift your head and shake through the overwhelming orgasm that possessed your body, that was when you understood.

Jace kissed you under a mistletoe. And not just that... he also fingering your pussy and made you cum right there.

Taking a deep breath to calm your body and your mind about what happened, you opened your eyes, watching Jace licking one of his fingers creamy with your release. He smirked to you, a sticky noise echoing when his full lips stopped enjoying your juices. He did not care about your look of disgust and carefully slipped his other finger into your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself as he placed soft kisses on your forehead. A false affection that you both knew would not make up for all the hell and toxicity that had been your situationship.

"You came hard around my fingers and under the mistletoe too."

"I noticed…" Your voice came out more breathless and grumpy than expected and Jace chuckled, caressing your soft cheek.

"You'll spend the next few days of the Christmas Break here at Helaena's house, together with me. Then you'll be my good girlfriend again when we get back to campus." It was not a question but an order, your eyes immediately widening, not knowing how you were going to explain that whole damn turn of events. Not knowing how you were going to explain to your best friend that you were giving in to Jacaerys as you had promised never to do again.

Running the tips of his fingers still dirty with your cum across the pie's meringue, he gave you one last kiss for now. "Happy Christmas Eve, my pretty girl."

[slixqrta]

yandere! omega x omega! reader

synopsis: an omega who doesn’t fit the stereotypical narrative of a submissive partner and an omega who does.

TW: 18+ writing, gn! reader, male! yandere omegaverse, mentioned and referenced violence, a brief mention of drugs, implied references of past sa towards the reader, manipulation, implied descriptions of reader getting depressed, implied mention of future noncon/dubcon, yandere elements.

a/n: so ah, my first post at tumblr, and since I always found interesting the omegaverse concept, i thought why not? why not writing one of my own and post it? and so, here i am. I hope the people who finds this to enjoy!! also be aware this contain some context that might not be suitable to some readers as mentioned in the TW area. and the divider is from @.cafekitsune

maxwell doesn’t fit the narrative of what an omega should be or act. he knows that, it’s something that he is proud of.

from the very first moment, he learned of his secondary gender, max promised to himself that he won’t let people take advantage of him because of it.

the long days of attending the gym, learning self-defense and taking daily doses of his anti-heat medication made him feel more confident. he is no longer that little boy who was often picked by his classmates, by alphas who often overlooked him. now from the most people’s eyes, he appears to be an alpha with his height and strength, ready to attack if necessary, so no one dares to approach him mostly of the time.

however, the alphas are another story.

those idiots, well a great amount of them, thinks maxwell is a challenge to be beaten.

his mind can replays the countless times where an alpha entered his life, promising equality and fairness, only to betray that promise. each time, max found himself standing his ground, taking them down the instant they shattered his trust.

there was one who was caught in the act of replacing his anti-heat pills with placebo, another one tried to convince him to stop attending the gym daily and to take lessons on ‘housekeeping’ classes, and the last one was dumb enough to even try to remove the condom during sex. that was the final straw.

after that incident, max stayed on his own.

the weekly pill that he managed to buy from a secret source serves to make his scent disappear. max doesn’t concern himself with how it works or where it comes from—his only focus is on the alphas who remain unaware of his true status as a omega as he walks through the streets. there is no one to bother him anymore.

his life is now peaceful.

there is no alpha to irritate him nor no society’s expectations thrown at him. he is at peace, ready to start a new life, ready to pretend to be a beta in the background of society and ignore all of his past problems. that was his plan, to live a perfect and solitude life at his small apartment, yet things changed when you popped at his life.

an omega who didn’t know better.

an omega who was raised that everyone is equal regardless of their secondary gender.

an omega who, unfortunately, didn’t know how awful most alphas act when things don’t go their planned way.

he found you sitting behind a dumpster on his way home after a night at the gym. the bruises on your skin were a clear sign you'd ndured from your alpha, and as a result, you had fled from them, ending up on the streets. max also notice of the faded bite mark on the back of your shoulder, a silent indication that it had been some time since your escape. his heart got heavier when seeing you in a state like this, and so max took you to his place.

his bachelorette apartment became your safe heaven, your new home. after spending days in complety silence following your rescue, you told max your name and the story of what had happened.

the alpha who you believed to be your soulmate, became abusive after trusting the words of the neighbors’ false accusations of your infidelity. the alpha ignored your pleadings, resorting to brutal force, demanding a confession for something you never did. after days unable to move properly, you gain enough courage to leave them with the little money you had in hands which led you to meet max weeks later at that dumpster.

it is no surprise the story shocked him. max always knew that alphas were dense when the subject was about their mates, but never he would think that an alpha would treat an omega so poorly like that. it disgusts him.

he can’t imagine how hard would his life be if he hadn’t fight to stand up for himself.

“i know it’s hard to tell someone about the abuses you’ve been through, but i’m happy that you were brave to open up with me.” he said, offering a hug that you happily accepted, resting your head on his chest as one of his hands gently caress your hair. “you know, you can stay here as much you need. i won’t rush you to leave.”

those words brought you comfort, safety and even happiness. never in million years, you would believe that someone would you. most of the time, when people witness an alpha and an omega fighting, they didn’t intervene. to their eyes, the submissive partner should be the one to blame. if a mere omega can’t handle an alpha’s outburst of anger, then they aren’t worthy.

to society’s eyes, omega aren’t nothing but a way to keep their partners from being violent outdoors. omegas are use as a form of entertainment to alphas, a maid to take care of the house, a baby machine to bear the stress of raising children on their own and a plaything to be used when they need to relieve stress.

it’s a miracle that you are no longer part of this circle of abusive, free from the fear and anxiety that comes with being an omega.

well, you can’t exactly go outside anymore, but at least you don’t have to live in fear of punishment like you used to. sure, you don’t have a personal income because of it, but that doesn’t matter, does it? as long as you with max, you’ll never need to step outside and risk yourself for a handful of pennies.

“the outside world is far too dangerous for a fragile omega like you.”

that’s what max always tell you when you try to bring up the subject of searching for a job. and always, you agree with his statement even though it hurts your heart.

don’t you realize that you are in the same position as before?

it took you a long time to notice how small the apartment feels. perhaps the months spent confined within these walls has heightened your awareness of the lack of personal space—or the absence of any time truly yours.

there is no privacy, no place to hide—not from this apartment, not from him and not from your own thoughts. the days blur together, each one an endless loop of the same routine.

you can’t take this anymore, not when max’s presence start getting overwhelming. and feeling your heat coming closer isn’t helping either.

to think max would stop giving you the anti heat pills after you ‘tried’ to escape drives you crazy.

it started in a weekend night. shaking your whole body as you dragged yourself to the bedroom. the heavy blanket covering your nude form as your fingers try to pleasure yourself, a stupid way to compress your moans.

you were so focused in staying quiet that you failed to notice max joining you in bed. his hands going underneath the blanket, not wasting time in tracing the many beauty marks from your skin.

he knows it’s wrong to touch you like this.

but, for the first time in his life, max has the upper hand in a situation like this.

he needs you.

and he will makes you need him even more.

“take a deep breath, [name]…” his mouth curved into a soft smile, a completely opposite of his actions. “i promise to make our first time a gentle one.”

[glimmeringtwilight]

Daffodils p2 | Yandere Diluc x Reader x Dottore

this might be incoherent. i still dislike the ending but atp if i keep chipping away i'm going to abandon it lol

CW: referenced reader death (from p1), angst, captivity, yandere themes, body horror (mild for. y'know. my usual), minor character death, NSFW (not super explicit, and no specific wordage for uuu parts), cuckholding, blood, non-consensual voyeurism (diluc), dubcon, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy coping mechanisms (do not imitate)

Word Count: 2.6k

It’s a dreary autumn day when the master of the winery returns with you in tow.

The manor is quiet, still as the Snezhnayan winter that he trekked through for the past several sleepless days and nights to get you. More quiet, however, is you, who hasn’t spoken a word since Diluc dragged you out of that dimly lit, dilapidated lab stinking of chemicals that he found you in. 

He’s tried everything he knows on the journey back. You didn’t struggle once as he carried you back home– didn’t try to run when he’d rest with you in his arms– but you didn’t say a single thing to him no matter how hard he tried to get you to speak.

That’s fine. It’s shock, he supposes. He doesn’t know what that madman did to you, and if he didn’t have such precious cargo he would have gone back there and burned that place to the ground; charring the snowy, lifeless landscape surrounding it. 

But he has you. He has you now, and that’s all that matters. Even if your skin has lost some of its color now, dull and cold. Even if there’s a quiet ticking in your chest in place of a heartbeat. Even if you only ever look through him, now. It’s enough. 

This is what Diluc tells himself as he returns you to the room that had been your prison for months, as he dusts off the bars of your gilded cage before locking you back inside. 

You don’t say anything. But it’s enough, just having you. It’s enough, he thinks.

Adelinde keeps checking in on him now that he’s returned. Her face is always pinched with a quiet concern when she speaks to him, and the servants in the manor part like the sea against jagged stone when he walks past them in the halls. 

The estate seems to hold its breath around him; no longer a ghost, but perhaps something worse. As though the light he’d held against the darkness was snuffed out, and the shadow cast in its wake was long. But he’s fine. He swears it. He’s fine, now that you’re back. He’ll be perfect for you, the perfect gentleman; the man he swore he was but could never seem to be, before.

It’s enough to just have you. To hold you every night as he lays next to you, still in your bed like a corpse, listening to the ticking in your chest like a clock counting down to nowhere. Diluc finds himself dreading the ticking and seeking it out all the same.

Weeks pass like this, with Diluc unraveling slowly as he tries to cling to the crumbling memory of you, bastardized by his selfishness and immortalized in the husk of you he keeps locked in your room. 

None of the servants are allowed to see you. He hears them at night, whispering to each other when they think he’s gone to sleep. 

“He’s lost his mind.”

“Are they even alive, in there? I haven’t seen them at all. Adelinde said they–”

“Keep your voice down– are you trying to wake him?”

He hasn’t lost his mind. He has you here now, to ground him, to make him whole. Even if your body seems to be crumbling, tearing apart with every passing day.

You don’t say anything anymore. You don’t eat, but you choke down whatever food he forces down your throat, teeth clacking against silverware as you stare off into nothing. Most of his days are spent taking care of you, keeping you together, stoking the fireplace in your room to keep you warm.

You don’t seem to mind the cold, but he still forces you to sit by the fire, warming you up in a facsimile of living flesh. He tries everything– cleaning you carefully every morning before dressing you, tending to the sutures that never seem to heal.

But he can’t seem to bring you back fully. Can’t seem to warm the skin that cools quickly when you’re not kept by the fire, can’t seem to wipe that glassy look from your eyes, can’t seem to drown out the ticking in your chest.

Adelinde comes home one day from running errands to find all of the clocks in the estate smashed and left out on the front steps, some of the servants already tending to the mess as the master of the estate slips back inside the manor like a shadow of the setting sun. 

He can’t figure it out. You won’t talk to him, won’t hardly look at him unless he takes you by the jaw and forces you. He can barely stand to hold you.

It’s enough. It’s enough. It’s enough. 

But he knows it isn’t. He can’t bear living with the ghost of you, settling for the corpse he keeps in his bed. He wants you to smile at him like you used to. Needs to hear your voice again. Holding you close while you’re still so far from him is driving him mad. 

It’s another dreary day when he finally breaks. Rain pours against the roof of the estate, blazing trails down the window panes. You’re sat by the fire again as you always are, most days. 

Diluc kneels at your feet, his head buried against your knees as he begs you to speak.

“I love you,” He says. He reaches up, pressing a trembling hand against your cold cheek. He can’t seem to chase the snow out of you. You don’t respond. He tries again. “I love you.”

Your eyes flick to his, the barest indication of life in them– but you look through him all the same, as you have been for weeks, now. He sits up, eyes wild, and leans over you, grasping your face desperately. He can’t bear to look at it anymore.

Diluc pulls you close, burying his face against your nape and gritting his teeth at the smell of chemicals clinging to you. You still smell like that place. Like chemicals. Like the Doctor. No matter how many times he bathes you, no matter how hard he scrubs. It’s there. Always there. Faint, but still there. 

“Please come back to me,” He whispers, clutching you against his chest like you’ll slip through his fingers at any moment. …Like you haven’t already. “Please. I’ll do anything.”

For the first time in weeks, you speak. Your voice is hoarse, quiet and wispy from disuse. It’s like the sun peeking through the clouds after a long storm, a refreshing wind–

“Take me back.” You rasp, and his blood runs cold. When he doesn’t respond, you repeat yourself. “Take me back.”

Diluc stays there a minute, gasping through clenched teeth as grief and anger rattle through him. You don’t mean it. You can’t. You let out a quiet, pained sound from how tight his grip on you has gotten, and he pulls away like he’s been burned. 

He can’t look at you. There’s a ticking behind your chest, behind his ears– whatever it is the Doctor replaced your heart with– he can’t unhear it. Without a word, he leaves swiftly, locking the door behind him as he goes. 

When he returns, the fire in the hearth has dimmed to embers, and you’re still perched exactly how he left you. Like a doll. He breathes a shuddering sigh and moves you to the bed, laying you down and tucking you in with all the tenderness and care his trembling hands can manage. 

Instead of begging you to speak, he slips out of the room again, instructing Adelinde to look after you while he’s gone. 

He knows how to fix this: it must be your heart. Must be that facsimile of a beating heart stuffed into your chest that’s causing you to act so hollow and lifeless. If he can just find it, he can bring you back. He’s sure of it. 

Diluc journeys for another several days and nights, returning to the lab he’d found you in and tearing the place apart until he finds what he was looking for– your heart, preserved in formaldehyde and kept in a jar like some sort of sickening keepsake. 

There’s no sign of the Doctor anywhere, but Diluc doesn’t have enough mercy left in his heart to spare for the Fatui grunts unfortunate enough to get caught in his path. Blood stains his jacket an even deeper shade of red, sinking into the stitching deep enough that he’s certain even Adelinde wouldn’t be able to remove the stains. 

He burns the place down once he’s finished, true to his word, leaving the smoldering building behind as he makes the journey back with bloodstained boots and clothes, carrying the final piece of you; the missing puzzle piece in his hands.

Biting winds at his back keep his pace hurried as he rushes home; he has barely slept by the time he finally returns, the sun rising over the peaceful estate of the winery like a promise of hope. 

He’s delirious and exhausted from hardly pausing to rest throughout the entire journey home, but he has it– he has what he knows will fix you, bring the light back into your glassy eyes. 

The manor is quiet when he steps inside, and Diluc freezes when he sees Adelinde’s body laying at the bottom of the stairs, neck twisted at an unnatural angle and her expression frozen in horror. 

No-

His first instinct is to find you, stepping over Adelinde’s body despite the pang of grief that lances through his chest. Every step only turns his blood cooler in his veins, cutting through exhaustion and delirium like a blade.

The door to your bedroom is cracked and he throws it open, freezing as he sees what’s there.

You’re smiling. For the first time since he lost you, you’re smiling, eyes crinkled with warmth as the number two of the Fatui Harbingers looms over you like a malaise.

Floorboards singe underfoot, but Diluc isn’t given time to act before hands snatch his arms, ripping his Vision from him and tossing it aside. Whatever angered curse he was going to say is cut off by another pair of hands shoving a gag into his mouth, and it takes several agents to drag him into the room and force him into the chair set up by the bed.

There’s the sound of breaking glass as the struggle knocks the precious cargo he’d carried all this way from his hands, shattering against the floor. Whatever grief he may have felt at the sound  is drowned out by the sight of you as the Fatui grunts forcibly sit him down in the chair and start to tie him down. 

Rope cuts into his wrists and his legs as he’s tied to the chair; two of the pyro agents stay behind to keep him from thrashing or knocking the chair over as the rest slink back into the hallway. 

It isn’t until the last of the rope is secured, leaving the frazzled wine tycoon seething from behind the gag but unable to do much else, that Dottore finally speaks up. 

“I’m glad you could finally join us, Master Diluc,” The Doctor drawls, words dripping with condescension and cyanide. “I was beginning to worry.”

A knowing smile tugs at Dottore’s lips when he turns to see Diluc’s expression, distress creased in the lines of his brow as his attention remains fixated solely on you. 

Diluc sees now. That bastard is sitting in your bed, the bed you’re meant to share with him, as gloved fingers lazily toy with your nipples. The clothes you were wearing are haphazardly strewn about the floor. 

Dottore readjusts. Takes hold of your legs and wraps them loosely around his hips as he situates himself more comfortably on the bed. Diluc feels nausea roiling in his gut.

He can’t tear his eyes away when Dottore’s fingers drift downward, tracing over your stomach before dipping between your thighs. The soft sound you make burns him. 

It’s torture, listening to you. He’d wanted so desperately for any sound from you– anything at all– these past few weeks, but not like this. Not while you’re looking up at that monster like he’s the moon– the most life Diluc’s seen in your eyes in weeks– as he defiles you. 

Every noise seems to chip a piece of him away, cutting deeper than any blade could hope to manage.

As much as it rends him to watch, he can’t tear his eyes away, taking in the sight of you shuddering and moaning softly in response to another man’s touch. 

Something acrid and bitter swells in his chest– he can’t help but think that if it weren’t for him, you’d never be here. If he hadn’t stolen you, held on too tight so that you’d run away the first chance you’d gotten, you never would have died… Never would have wound up under the Doctor, on his operating table or in this bed.

Worse, still, is the selfish insistence he still feels. If he hadn’t taken you, he fears the worst may have happened to you– as though the worst hadn’t already come true. He did all of this to protect you– yet he’d failed to do even that. 

You eventually shudder in a way Diluc recognizes and he sags against the chair, feeling something crack inside him. This is killing him. As much as pain rips through his chest, he can’t help but cling to that rending heartache, tolerate it if it means he gets to see you smile again. You’re still in there– not a doll, not a ghost.

He loves you; he always will. Even this will never make him hate you– it’s not your fault that you’ve been caught up in the jaws of a monster. It’s not your fault that he’d failed you. 

Dottore adjusts, and whatever self-loathing Diluc had felt starts to wither at the sound of rustling fabric. No. No- 

He tries to thrash in his chair, held down by the two agents standing behind him with a firm grip on his shoulders. He tries to turn away, to close his eyes and shut out the world as the whimper from you that follows sears him like a brand. Hands dig into his jaw, prod at his eyelids with a force that threatens to blind him until he unwillingly opens them again. 

Months ago, when Diluc thought you’d finally settled, finally adjusted to your new life here, there was the barest beginnings of warmth in your eyes. Acceptance. Love, his heart hoped. He’s reminded of that again; you have the same embers of warmth in your gaze as you once did before the sky fell. 

That same look you’d once given him, but now it’s directed at the monster grinning down at you. He never thought that warmth could ruin him, but the grief that settles into his bones is a worse pain than one he’s ever known. 

The hope that he’d journeyed home with withers and dies at his feet like the heart the Doctor had stolen from you– to know it wasn’t merely literal is agony. His greed had been the undoing of you both. 

In the garden, the daffodils had died months ago; it was the end of their season. They’d planted sunflowers near where your grave once was instead, but those are dying too, afflicted by some disease or pest. 

Diluc had once hoped you’d go out into the garden to see them, but ever since he’d brought the ghost of you home you’ve only ever haunted this one room; days spent staring at the hearth instead of out the window like you’d used to. 

Jealousy is ugly and loud in his head, clinging to his throat like tar.

Perhaps he’s damned; he wishes that you hadn’t found the light that he’d stolen from you in another man.

[carnal-lnstinct]

I’m always so excited for your Halloween event! (And anything you write too 💚)

Can I request my boi Gohan. I love our dorky nerd having a mean dark side. 🥰 If I could get anything either dubcon or cnc with him? Any type of setting is good with me; walking home in the dark, meeting at a bar, or a good old meet up with the Ox Prince 😂

(Off question, which I might have asked you before but memory is terrible, but do you think you’ll write Granolah at any point? 🤔)

〖 OX PRINCE GOHAN X READER 〗 ✦✦Content: M/18+. MINORS DNI. au. established relationship. public sex. rough sex. breeding. overstimulation. referenced squirting.    ✦✦Warning: implied dubcon/cnc. light impact play. ✦✦A/N: I still haven't read the other arcs in the manga to fully absorb and muse over Granolah's character, so it depends on how soon I do that and if he strikes interest to me. I swear I only go through the manga to look at Broly 😭 but we'll see!

It seemed like nothing could break through to Gohan in the heat of this moment, his blood pumping and the sound of his own pulse in his ears smothering out any remaining wariness for your surroundings. He’s past the point of indulging a distraction like a creeping up voice or the floor creaking under approaching footsteps. You’re right here, sobbing under the growing intensity of his body pounding against yours and lacking all the flash and fight you started with. You’re perfectly broken down, now malleable for whatever he wanted you to be. He pulled you flush against his hips, allowing you to keep his cock warm for the moment as he removed the fogged glasses from his eyes to get a better look at you. The Ox Prince admires his handiwork with a tasteful lick of his lips and a languid drag of your body along his length, taking in the mess of his cum and yours glossing up your connection.

You trembled inconsolably from the aftershocks of orgasms and squirts you couldn’t control, let alone recover from. A pitiful whine leaves your lips and your knees buckle a little when he pulls you back to fully sheath himself again making him snicker proudly.

Regardless of how much you shake and sob, you aren’t fixing your mouth to say that word. The only thing to make it all stop. Or, perhaps, you can’t. Nothing but hoarse, shaky croaks on your breath, and a fog in your mind holding you back from the relief you desperately need. Even so, he gave it to you to use as a mercy.

Gohan inviting himself to slap your ass in quick succession just to feel you clamp around his cock reminds you of your shared addiction to the high, which really keeps your safe word sitting in the back of your throat. It doesn’t matter where you are, he’s going to fuck you. You protest and he does it harder, longer. Drawing it out and goading you with those deep strokes against your spot to draw attention knowing you’ll try your best to keep from embarrassing yourself. With that shame stirring back into your mind you find your words again, miraculously letting out pleas for him to end it already, for your sake. You can’t take another build-up anymore than you can keep yourself quiet enough to avoid attention. 

But your begging is all hollow bullshit if you’re not going to say it. Admitting you’re afraid to be caught like this or what Gohan would do in the situation should his temper get the best of him doesn’t stop him. You’re his woman, he’ll have you whenever and wherever he wants and he’s never led you to believe otherwise since you’ve gotten this far in your relationship. Filling you up and watching you shamble around afterward to keep it all in is the mark of a fulfilling fuck.

Gohan takes your leg and turns you onto your back from your position on your knees, your cunt wet and stretched to his size enough that he could do it without pulling out of you. He’s not even giving your pathetic words the time of day. 

He doesn’t waste any of his attention on keeping your hands restrained when you start to push against the roll of his hips, growing into a desperate fuss when his pace finds the angle to make you squeal. It’s downright cathartic to feel the way you claw at his skin, the impact of your palm nudging at his unwavering form raising an uncanny smile on his face. His ki surged with excitement in the form of electricity around his body. Heating him more than before as red flashes in his irises.

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

All of my fics written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles 2024, days 11-20.

[Days 1-10] A pirate's life for me Prompt: Cabin | Rated: M | Tags: Pirate AU; Implied child abuse; Flirting; Sexual tension; Dubcon if you squint, Steve is very into it, promise; Fade to black sex | Notes: Probably not the kind of cabin @steddieas-shegoes had in mind, but I wanted to write more Pirate AU Constellations of crimson

Prompt: Stargazing | Rated: E | Tags: Mafia AU; Mob boss Eddie; Dark Eddie; Blood and violence; Corpses; Nudity; Outdoor sex; Top Eddie; Bottom Steve; Bloodplay; Murder boyfriends | Notes: So I knew I wanted to do starlit outdoor sex for this prompt, but I couldn't decide on a universe to set it in, so I let @steddieas-shegoes pick one. She picked Kiss That Ring, which was a choice for sure. These two truly bring out the worst in each other. Meet the parents Prompt: Family Dinner | Rated: T | Tags: Modern AU; No UD AU; Meet ugly; Fake dating; Fake identity; Past Stommy Wherever you wanna go Prompt: Together | Rated: T | Tags: Omegaverse; Alpha!Steve; Omega!Eddie; Steddie dads; mpreg (referenced); Domestic fluff | Notes: Set in the same universe as Whatever you want it to be Everything you do is perfect

Prompt: Ornament Rated: T | Tags: Established relationship; Post-Vecna; Everybody lives; Christmas; Steve Harrington has bad parents; Eddie Munson is a sweetheart; Making out A purrfect Christmas

Prompt: Tree (for both) Rated: G | Tags: Established relationship; Domestic fluff; Cat dads Steddie; Christmas | Notes: Set in the same universe as this one Sound, color, touch

Prompt: Lights | Rated: E | Tags: Magic AU; Established relationship; Married Steddie; Explicit sexual content | Notes: Once more for the Phantom Thief boys! I published the first part of this exactly 363 days ago, for last year's holiday drabble challenge. I'm not crying, you're crying!! Neverland Prompt: Vacation | Rated: T | Tags: No UD AU; Cruise ship; Musician Eddie; Kids' entertainer Steve; Steve in a dress; Homophobic language; Sexual tension; Eddie being a horny disaster | Notes: Based on this brainworm. Artwork of Steve and Robin in their costumes, done by the incredible @arelliann this way. Of toppings and fillings

Prompt: Dessert | Rated: M | Tags: Established relationship; Idiots in love; Competitive idiots, to be more specific; Sexually explicit language; Sexual innuendo; Eddie is a little shit

Home for Christmas

Prompt: Alone | Rated: G | Tags: Post-Vecna; Future fic; Everybody lives; Exes Steddie; Rock star Eddie; Single dad Steve; Reunions; Second chances | Notes: Continued from this one

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Total $hit$how: Thorns Around His Throat

in which Hunter makes a choice

cw: referenced violence, manipulation, crude language, vaguely alluded past dubcon, brief emeto mention. Further warnings will be in the tags for spoiler purposes.

previous // masterlist // next

×~×~×

“Where was he taken?”

“I don't know, I—I saw a van, I remember part of the plate.”

“They can't be too far. We need to find him.”

Jericho and makeup guy were spouting back and forth, nervous colors buzzing around their heads like tv static. Hunter probably should've left as soon as makeup guy (Benny or whatever) came in. Gone back to his room, gone back to Vic, something. Should've left before Jericho could start digging into him, looking for answers he didn't really want.

What was he gonna do about it? Hunter hurt Sahota and Vic told him to, so the fuck what? They were all stuck here until the mission was done, whether they liked Vic’s methods or not. Hunter would find a way to stay, earn it however he had to, whether Jericho approved of it or not. 

He didn't need his approval. He didn't need to listen to him. Jericho had a family. Kids or something. Parents who still wanted to know where he was even as a grown ass adult. He didn't get it, couldn't get it.

And anyway, Vic hadn't meant it. He was just testing Hunter, just making sure he really wanted it, making sure he could listen. And even if he did mean it, who cared? Hunter had done worse things for worse people, taken beatings for bosses who didn't give a shit about him. At least Vic cared. At least Vic would tell him he did good when it was all over.

He wondered if Sahota was in the same boat. What had got him to stay? It wasn't something Hunter'd thought about before now, even though it had always been obvious that this was more than just a job to Sahota. Did Vic bandage his cuts after the interrogation? Tell him good job while he bled? The mental image made him want to cringe away. Wounds he'd caused, twinging jealousy in his stomach.

Sahota was scared of Vic, but Hunter was a little bit scared of him too. He had no doubt Vic could break him apart if he wanted. Put him in his place just like he had with Sahota.

“Is Joy back?”

“She should be by now.”

“We'll need her help. I don't think—” Benny glanced at Hunter, the yellow haze around him darkening a shade. He lowered his voice, but Hunter still heard him.

“Do we tell Vic?”

“Yeah,” Hunter said. Because he looked away. Because he was trying to keep it from him. “I'll get him.”

“I'll get him,” Jericho said, and the purple in his core swirled with a darker shade. Because of Vic? Because of Hunter? Or was he just afraid for Manak, who was stupid enough to get nabbed?

Vic wouldn't be happy. Maybe he'd order them to leave it, let Manak stay kidnapped, wipe the arrogant look off his face. The thought was supposed to be vindicating, but then he pictured Manak, tied up, bleeding like Sahota—

Fuck. Fuck this. 

Jericho left him alone with makeup guy, who stayed standing, arms twisted around himself, silent. Hunter looked away from his nervous, shifting yellow, looking for something else, anything else, even as his head pounded along with his heart.

The headaches were basically background noise now, a constant dull pain that could be ignored. At least for a little while, at least when he wasn't trying to find something specific. His eyesockets still throbbed from trying to find a path through the computer earlier, but it was fine. It was fine.

Jericho came back before long, the dark spot in his chest bigger than it was before. Vic was a few steps behind him, followed by muscle girl, and… Sahota. His face was swollen, mottled with purple and red. Same cold eyes, not even looking Hunter's way. Same slate gray.

Hunter turned his attention to his hands, nails digging at the scabbed-over part of his knuckles, focusing on the blooming rosepetals there as his stomach tried to twist itself loose.

“Tell me what happened,” Vic said above him, and Hunter glanced up in time to see Benny tear his eyes off Sahota's busted face, a dark ribbon coiling around his throat.

“Shit,” he whispered, his voice shaking, and Hunter dropped his head, pinching the inside of his wrist until daisies began to bloom there.

“Mr. Ruebin.”

“Fuck. Yeah. We, we found the drop site, but it was rigged with some kind of alarm. Some guys showed up in a van, and just… grabbed Kaius. Drove away. I— I don't even know what direction, I just ran.”

“Was it Finley?” Muscle girl spoke up.

“I don't know who else it would be.”

“Did you find anything at the site?” Vic said.

“Wh— no. Kaius is gone, isn't that more important?”

“The mission is more important.”

He could hear Jericho exhale. “Can't we do both? If we find Kaius, we'll find Finley. Won't that help?”

“We don't have the time.”

“Don't we need him for the mission?”

Even though what he was saying made sense, every word of pushback wound Hunter tighter. If Vic said no, it was for a reason, right? Vic knew better, right?

“We can accomplish what we need to with only four of you.”

“But—”

“Or maybe three.”

Hunter could read the threat there without even looking up, and Jericho didn't say anything else.

“What happens to him then?” Muscle girl cut in, and Hunter's nails dug in deeper at her words.

“He's smart, isn't he? I'm sure he'll find a way out.”

“Just let two of us go after him. It doesn't need to be the whole team.”

“We have other things to get done. Can't spare anyone.”

“Not even for a night? I won't sleep. Sahota…”

Hunter looked up again when she said his name, but the handler's gray was as cold as ever. His brows tipped down as she looked up at him, something darkening in his chest.

Was it fear again? He knew what Hunter knew, what everyone else refused to accept; Vic was in charge here. You couldn't push against him. This had only happened because of their defiance in the first place. If they'd just listened, they could've picked a different target.

“Even if we let you go, the chance of you finding him is slim at best," Sahota said in an empty voice. "Better to not waste any more time.”

Muscle girl's color deflated like an old balloon, dimming as it crumpled in on itself.

“Glad we're all on the same page,” Vic said. “It's unfortunate the drop site yielded so little, but we're capable of moving forward. Mr. Davis, we'll check your traps first thing in the morning and you can work on gathering data from there. Everyone else, start working on an entry plan. Mission's set for the end of the week. Are we clear?”

Hunter nodded, keeping his eyes on the ground. It didn't matter if Benny and the others knew he'd hurt Sahota. It didn't matter if Jericho was mad at him, or thought he was an idiot. All he had to do was make it to the end of the week without fucking up, and then everything would be okay. He glanced up in time to see Vic leave, Sahota tailing behind him. The other three stayed in place, settled in a stubborn kind of quiet.

He could tell they wanted to talk to each other, held back by his presence. Even Jericho knew he'd side with Vic now, just as much as he knew they wanted to oppose him. Would they be dumb enough to actually act on it though? An uneven trail of stars was swirling around muscle girl, a few of them breaking loose to pass Jericho. When she left the room in silence, he followed a few steps behind. Benny gave it a few minutes, arms still wrapped around himself, and then left the library after them.

They had to be going to the same place. To talk where Hunter wouldn't hear, to cook up another plot against Vic, as if that wouldn't get them in even more trouble. He knew they wanted to go after Manak, that Jericho’s "we're a team" extended more to him than it ever would to Hunter. Could he stop them? He knew they wouldn't listen---why the fuck would they?---but he could threaten to tell Vic. 

He could tell Vic. Show the others once and for all that he cared more about his place here than any of them, that he'd rather chase Vic's approval than Manak’s life, and that was the truth, wasn't it? It was Manak's own fault that this happened, not Hunter's, so why should he have to suffer for it? Why should Manak get to drag everyone else down with him?

With gritted teeth, Hunter left the library, trying to ignore the throbbing in his eye sockets as he looked for the stars muscle girl was dropping. They went back to Jericho's room, it looked like. Door closed, voices muffled inside. 

Should he just knock? Make the threat and hope it was enough to scare them into reason? His fist clenched, but his arm wouldn't budge. Instead he held his breath, trying to listen.

“...after dark is our best chance, right? Vic's gotta sleep at some point.”

“There's a truck up top. I can drive us.”

"How far was it?"

"About an hour."

"I can cut that down."

That was enough to confirm what Hunter already knew. He wasn't surprised, but maybe… a little bothered that they wouldn't listen. A little bothered that they were so sure he'd snitch that they didn't even consider inviting him in.

Well. He would. So they were fucking right about that, he guessed.

But... what if he didn't?

Hunter considered the option for a moment. The idea of walking away, going to bed, trying to sleep off this damn headache, getting up the next day like nothing was off. What would happen if he let them go, but then told them he'd known all along? Would that open up a way for them to trust him? To not hate his fucking guts?

And what happens then?

So maybe they could work together better. Maybe they could be a team, like Jericho said. Maybe even friends, even if it was stupid to expect that much. But then they'd run the mission and it would all be over. Everyone else would go home, and he'd… 

Alone again. Jelly and the rest didn't wait for you, you knew they wouldn't.

Would Vic still want him to stay if he knew Hunter'd kept something like this from him? 

Probably not, not if he knew he couldn't trust him. Lies never worked for long. Hidden things were always found. 

Vic had already promised him a chance at being part of something, something he'd never get from the rest of the team. And maybe Sahota hated him, but let him. Hunter'd lived with plenty of people who'd hated him and survived it, but if Vic kicked him out, he didn't know where he'd go next. Back to Chicago to try and get back into dealing? Back to Rex? He shuddered.

No. Not an option. Fuck the team. They'd already sided against him, why should he try now? It wasn't like he was really screwing them over anyway. They'd done it to themselves when they decided to defy Vic.

Hunter stumbled backwards, trying not to make a sound as he crossed the hall, making a beeline for Vic’s office. When he pushed the door open, his trainer was standing at the head of his desk, flipping through sheets of paper. The green drifting around Vic’s form sharpened with his gaze, a darker shade that might've been annoyance softening when he realized who it was.

At least someone wasn't pissed off at the sight of him.

“Hunter.”

He swallowed. “V--Sir.” Shit, where did he start? He felt like a snitch, but shouldn't he? No. Fuck. Whatever. Vic was looking at him with his eyebrows raised now, new color tainting his green. Fuck.

“Sorry. It's important,” he said. “They're… the other three are gonna go after Manak. I overheard them.” He swallowed again, eyes darting away from Vic's desk, hands twisting around themselves. Vic's color hardly shifted. It got… darker, maybe. Sharper somehow, but there was no flash of surprise or anger. 

“I thought it might happen eventually. They're an emotional lot. Unfortunately, that's what you get pulling from the general public.” He set down the stack of papers, falling silent.

“Y-yeah,” Hunter agreed, pinching the skin on the inside of his wrist as hard as he could, eyes dropping to watch daisies sprout from the reddening skin. “Are you gonna stop them?” It felt wrong to ask.

Vic hummed. “No,” he said after a moment. “They can have their crusade. I'll deal with it in the morning.”

Hunter glanced up, but Vic's color was static. He was just gonna let them go? Why?

“What if they don't come back?”

Vic let out a flat chuckle. “They'll come back.”

How did he know? Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just didn't care. Maybe if everyone else ditched it'd just be Hunter, Vic, and Sahota on the mission. Like how it would be in the future, if he managed to not fuck it up.

“Come here.”

Hunter glanced up again, saw Vic pointing at the desk chair. Vic's chair. His tone wasn't trouble, or a warning like it had been for Sahota a few days ago. It was almost something welcoming, almost something soft.

Hunter took the seat, trying not to fidget, trying to keep his attention on Vic. The smell of chlorine stung his nose.

“You have your priorities straight, Hunter,” Vic said, moving beside him to tuck the papers into a folder. “You know what's important, even if the rest of them cave to their feelings.”

“Manak… Manak would be fine on his own,” Hunter said. He didn't know why. Manak didn't matter, he didn't care about Manak.

“True,” Vic said. “But more than logic, I appreciate your loyalty. The importance of obedience is lost on the rest of them. Something that should be corrected before we get into the thick of things.”

“Yeah.” Hunter’s spine seemed to go even straighter when his trainer moved to stand behind him, laying both hands on his shoulders, the chlorine smell clinging to him, smothering.

“I’m proud of the choice you made tonight. You'll be a wonderful addition to my team.”

Light seemed to burst through the tangle of vines in his chest. This was what he wanted, what he needed. He could be whatever Vic asked him to, he could stay.

He could stay, he could stay, he could stay.

It rang through his head, seeming to rise with his heartbeat as a calloused hand gripped his jaw and lifted his head, fingers digging into his cheek, holding him still as Vic’s lips pressed into his.

I can stay, I can be—

The chlorine smell was choking him now, burning his throat, and all he could do was sit there, any thoughts or words or movements split like broken wire.

Vic pulled back, just inches, but Hunter still couldn't move.

“Vic—”

“Shh.” The hand left his chin, moving up to his hair, turning from a stroke to a jerk that pulled a startled yelp from Hunter.

Somehow, the chlorine smell got stronger at the sound, Vic's mouth covering his again.

He felt like he couldn't breathe. “I don't—”

“You want to be a part of my team, hm?” Vic murmured, breath hot and chemical on Hunter's face. “Don't you?”

Yes. But not… he hadn't pictured this.

“I…”

Vic straightened, his hands leaving Hunter, color darkening. “Or maybe not,” he said, his voice immediately cool. “Maybe I misjudged you.”

“No, that's not—”

“Don't lie to me.” The words weren't screamed, or the danger-quiet of a threat, but they were still sharp, twisting in his gut like a knife.

“Vic, I'm— no, I didn't mean that.”

“Then what did you mean? I've poured a lot of time into you. Gave your training a level of attention the others could never hope to earn.”

Is this what he earned? 

“I'm sorry,” Hunter mumbled, digging his nails into his palms. “I just— You surprised me.” 

“I'm not sure I believe you.” The way Vic’s green was growing darker made him want to throw up. Had he already lost his chance?

“I'll prove it. I won't— I was just caught off guard, please.”

Vic seemed to consider his words, the murkiness in his green dissolving as he stepped closer, seized Hunter's chin, and pulled him into another kiss. This time, Hunter kissed him back, trying, trying to show that he meant it, that he could do this, that this was okay.

“There we go,” Vic murmured against his ear. “Good boy.”

He wanted this, he wanted this. He just wanted to be wanted, he was wanted, it didn't matter how.

Hunter leaned into his trainer, trying to lock onto his body heat and not the heavy smell, but Vic stepped away, a fist bunching into the collar of his t-shirt, tight enough to almost choke him.

“I knew I made the right choice, taking a chance on you.”

Hunter tried to shift his weight, to let up some of the pressure from his throat.

“You know how to follow orders, don't you, Hunter?”

“Yeah.” He could, he'd be perfect, and fuck, Vic was looking at him in a way that could've been loving but it made his skin crawl, and his head hurt so bad. Vic gave the fabric of his collar a sharper twist, and Hunter moved with his fist, knees nearly caving in. He could feel the blood building up in his throat, but Vic's gaze was soft on him, his green brightening with something pleasant; he liked this.

Was it so bad if he did? Hunter could take it. He'd had partners with a thing for pain before and it wasn't that bad. Sometimes it was even fun, just handing over control, letting someone do whatever they fucking wanted to him, anything to get them to stay, anything to get them to want to be there.

“Look at you,” Vic murmured in a voice that felt silken and heavy. “There's something you're suited for.”

His grip loosened abruptly, letting Hunter hit the ground, the brightness never leaving his silhouette.

“I'm finished here for the night,” his trainer said, turning his back as Hunter stood, weight heavy on the office chair. “Why don't you come with me?”

Where? To his room? To bed? Hunter's stomach churned, but he nodded all the same. He wanted this. He liked Vic, he liked Vic liking him, he was just caught off-guard. He wasn't supposed to be caught off-guard. He was adaptable, he could roll with anything, withstand anything, do anything Vic wanted.

Is this what it's like to be loved?

Maybe, fucking maybe.

Vic's eyes were still on him. “What’s your implant showing you right now?”

Petals and vines, coiling inside and around him like anxious snakes. Murky carwash-soap rainbow in his head, filling up his skull with a building pressure, oozing out his eye sockets. Thorns around his throat.

“Dead silver,” he lied. It was what he saw back in the room, with Sahota. The warning before, spinning around them both. The shapes dropping like zapped bugs and melting on the ground. Where were they now? When he looked for shapes, all he could find were Cavan’s stupid stars, fading slowly.

“Where does it lead? To me?”

I want this, I want this, I'll stay, I'll learn.

Hunter rubbed his throat unconsciously, forcing his arm to drop when he realized what he was doing. The pain there was hardly an ache. If that was what Vic wanted, that's what Vic would get.

“Mhm.”

×~×~×

@theonewithallthefixations , @violets-whumperflies , @whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden

@snakebites-and-ink , @whumpsday , @kixngiggles , @echo-goes-aaa , @whumpcateyes ,

@clickerflight , @sodacreampuff , @starfields08000 , @neverthelass

[scratchandplaster]

FEBUWHUMP DAY 4 - Obedience

CW: recapture, Carewhumper, touchstarved Whumpee, dubcon touching, love bombing, parental Whumper, hypnosis, emotional manipulation

Previous | [Masterlist] | Next

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Even before opening his eyes, Ben knew exactly where he was.

Through the throbbing ache behind his forehead, he smelled the fresh morning air of the valley, without any trace of petrol or tangy smog to be found. His lungs thanked him as he took the first big breath to wake up further. Underneath, the unending softness of countless blankets and pillows greeted his heavy body.

This was horrible, this was the one thing he was afraid to go back to. Luke would kill him.

Weight all over his body pushed him deeper into the drowsiness he wanted to embrace, but Ben realized what he was entangled in: a cuddle pile. How lovely, if the booming against his ears didn't disrupt this idyllic reunion.

"Lemme go." Ben started to weakly shove the arms and heads that rested on his chest aside, confused mumbling set in and made the Gordian knot made from concerned family slowly untangle. Oh, they were already upset at him, it was clear as day. And if Luke ever found out how much Ben had missed them, he would kill him double for it.

"Look who's awake," the same gentle voice that greeted him the night before announced. Shepard was close, somewhere above him, but Ben didn't dare to open his eyes yet; there still was a chance of this being just a terrifyingly pleasant pipe dream.

But no resistance withstood the warm pressure that began to fight the headache with careful strokes along Ben's scalp, finding sore muscle spots to dedicate its attention to and for a second, being back home felt like he truly caught on. The room gradually came into focus.

"There you are, sweetheart."

Snug in his arms, Ben couldn't look at Shepard, too ashamed by the happy faces that greeted him in this intimate circle: Birdie, Otis and their triplets, naturally, and even Shawn had managed to push himself to the front row of his reception committee: the family he left behind. What was to come next made Ben shudder.

It wouldn't stay a warm welcome for long, and why should it? He betrayed them for everything they had left behind.

If his flustered expression didn't give it away, his clothes alone made him feel like the outsider Ben had made of himself. Among the rush of people, Sam was nowhere to be seen. A rough pull in his stomach just proved to Ben that it was better this way, he could feel embarrassed when it was appropriate.

"Thank you all for welcoming Ben back," Shepard suddenly announced and clapped his hand together, "but I think we need some time alone so he can adjust."

The children started to pout, Shawn above all: "He just got here!"

Shepard tried to soothe them with a smile: "I know, I know. But afterward we can tell you all about his sabbatical and what he brought back for you."

"Gifts?!" now their excitement was stuck to Ben like a limpet, "Chocolate?"

"I- uhm, I don't-"

He was softly cut off: "Maybe we find out at dinner, does that sound good?"

At dinner, if he would still be here. Ben left before, he could just stand up and go, right? Right?

Dismissing every attendee with thankful words from the community tent, Shepard returned to his son wearing the tired face of disappointment. He looked much older than when they had last seen each other, harsh lines carved with worry graced his face.

How angry Shepard was right now felt like the most important question. The faded proof on Ben's forearms reminded him of it daily.

"Well then, how are we feeling?"

"Hurts," Ben admitted lowly. He had broken clear rules and now paid for it. Nevertheless, it was his decision…

Shepard sighed and dropped into a kneeling position before him, meeting him at eye level: "Your head? You have a hangover, it's going to pass."

"Hanging over what?"

"No, it's an expression. You just need to hydrate." He handed Ben a full glass of water that he emptied greedily.

"You drank a lot yesterday," Shepard shook his head blankly. He seemed more afraid than upset.

"The only thing he fears is losing control over you."

"I was just having fun, Shepard."

Out of his pocket, a handful of shimmering umbrellas, plastic neon monkeys and other souvenirs was pulled. Undisputable evidence at which the older man only furrowed a brow: "A lot of fun, and now the alcohol has its fun gnawing your brain away."

Ben's hands shot up to firmly hold his head in place, as if it would make a difference. Words could not express how much his little quirks were missed.

"When did you stop calling me Dad?" Shepard's concerned frown came to match the look, "It makes me feel sad."

"It makes me feel fucking stupid."

"Reuben!"

"Shepard!" he sassed back, "You can't just bring me here! I-I was doing fine. L- my friends will get worried if I just disappear without a word!"

"You made friends, that's great. I didn't see anyone with you, unfortunately, but they have nothing to be concerned about."

This, for once, was the truth. The settlement was the safest place on earth, in the center of it stood the oversized tent Ben received this tirade in. The glow of the midday sun penetrated the canvas to let the tent's inside radiate with warmth. Yet trivial how much they talked around it, both had good reasons to taint the peaceful atmosphere.

"Of course they weren't there! They-They give me space when I'm trying to hook up-"

"When you're trying to do what, young man?"

"Forget it," Ben muttered, "at least they care about me!"

Putting the glass aside, Shepard let his heavy hands rest on Ben's shoulders. His hoarse voice gave away the woe that plagued him for a good six months now: "And you doubt that I do?"

A wordless shrug was all Ben was willing to give. The topic that hung in the air was obvious to both of them.

"This conversation is long overdue, but after that night you never gave me a chance to explain-"

"I gave you a lot of chances." If no one else would, it was for Ben to hug himself tightly.

"You're right, starting over isn't as easy as it seems," Shepard exhaled and held him close while clearing his throat a few times: „I am so sorry for what happened in the past, especially the night you decided to leave. I thought of many apologies, but none of them are good enough. I can't offer you anything, but my deepest, most sincere regrets. I'm sorry and understand if this is also not enough for you to believe me. Somewhere in the future, if you allow me to, I hope to earn your trust back again."

"Shepard Cohen is a filthy liar," Luke warned him, "and nothing in the world is going to change this fact."

Hands in rough hands, forgiveness was left to the son. Ben had nothing to say.

"The only thing he cares about is himself and how he can people make dance to his tune!"  Ben held on to the reasons he left, there was no space for nostalgia, even if his heart leaped for joy at being back in the only sensible place on earth. "We are allowed to live how we see fit."

The silence spoke for itself.

"Alright. I understand you, Ben," he whispered dejected, "I finally understand."

Too petrified of the man he knew, Ben didn't look up until it was too late: quiet, thick tears dropped from his father's face down onto their folded hands. Shepard couldn't hold back his sobs anymore.

"Oh no," Ben gasped, "I didn't mean it like that. Of course, I believe you, but I…uhm."

The heart-wrenching realization hit him like a brick to the head: this hurt Shepard just as bad, it simply had to. Otherwise, he would never show himself so openly vulnerable.

"Please don't cry. I just don't know what to say!"

"I can understand every decision you made, even if it was to our detriment. You had very right to do so."

Indeed, Ben had every right and it felt nice to hear Shepard admit it. But the right to make someone feel this lousy… If he had this too, he didn't want it.

His hand carefully slipped up to wipe stray tears away: "Hey. Hey, Dad, please! I just had to go that night." A tired smile was coaxed out from the wrinkled skin.

"Are you mad?"

"No, of course not," Shepard reassured, loosening the tension in the air.

"Disappointed, then."

"Yes, but only in myself."

There they were again, the gentle hands that massaged away the sting inside his skull. It didn't pass Ben how confusing last night had been.

"Sam isn't really interested in me, are they?" It wasn't the bitter reality that made Ben curl up in awkwardness, but more so their intent for putting up with him.

"Nonsense, they are thrilled to meet you again. I'm sorry that we had to trick you a bit. You're just too young to engage in whatever hooking up entails."

"'m old enough." His hair was brushed back at a consoling pace, nearly lulling Ben back to sleep again.

"Maybe you are, maybe I just didn't realize how much you changed."

To simply lean into the quiet tranquility was heaven, like in the good old days when Ben felt secure and more like himself. By now, the water and careful touches helped minimize the ache to a dim pressure and gave them a moment to rest, until a familiar suggestion brought Ben back to the present: "Breathe with me."

Behind the peaceful quiet, somewhere pushed down by gentle words and sweet affection, distant alarm bells went off: "Never, and I'm serious this time, never let him into your head again!"

"Uhm, I think-" Ben mumbled as he got a grasp on the situation: he sat dutiful in Shepard's lap, exactly how he was supposed to. He could just get up and leave, right? If he wanted to…couldn't he?

"That wasn't a question, starshine," Shepard decided and let his words echo through the tent, "We are both hurt and I think we need to process all our feelings." The hand that just had cared through Ben's hair now snaked down to the base of his neck. 

"Breathe in," Shepard ordered and his body followed the command like a reflex, a distant sensation quickly caught up to him: mindlessness.

Shepard steered the flow of their thoughts and breath while keeping a soothing pace, in and out, so Ben could focus on the relaxation, on connecting with his inner self…on this dizzy, fuzzy feeling that crept into his limbs. Like a heavy blanket, the unwinding started at his feet and soon enveloped his body up to the head, feeling just as pleasant as Ben remembered. 

This wasn't bad, with Lukas' voice finally turned down to just a distant hum, it felt so good to stay adrift for a short second. Shepard was here with him, real and the only focus of his attention. In and out.

In. Bliss entered through his lungs and flowed along his bloodstream to his chest. Out. Troubles of the past were pushed out by the collected ease inside him. There simply was no space for them anymore.

In.

Out.

In.

Out. 

His head spun with the warped confusion, Ben was not the only one surprised how quickly he let himself drop into this state.

"W-wait-" A weak mumble rolled from his lips but left Shepard unfazed.

"Hold," the man shushed and marveled at how his lungs obeyed instantly, without questioning it for even a second. Mind light and empty, Ben looked into Shepard's golden-brown eyes and lost himself.

"Breathe out." The last sliver of resistance left his blank mind.

"Relax." Ben's head tipped over, leaning into the hands that held him upright.

"Sleep."

Loose eyelids slipped shut and his body fell into his father's waiting arms, so deep and so convinced that Shepard would catch him, like he always did, as he always will. 

Only supported by his self-appointed dad, yet weightlessly floating further down, Ben was too far gone to comprehend that his last chance to leave was long taken away.

"Remember how easy it is to fall, and all the many times you did before."

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Febuwhump 2024 Masterlist]

@febuwhump

[bucketsofmonsters]

Where the Light Enters - Part 1

cw: unreliable narrator, hurt/comfort, slow burn, eventual sex, enemies to lovers, past childhood sexual assault, past sex trafficking, referenced noncon, offscreen dubcon, happy ending, the tags look scary but this is mainly a story about recovery

Cole/Female Inquisitor

word count: 4k

ao3 link

Masterlist

She’d chosen the templars.

It seemed the better option. Or at least the less vulnerable one. 

Frankly, she'd barely understood what a templar was a few weeks ago. The mages seemed upset about them, but surely there were more important things than that in a war. Besides, she'd rather hide herself behind a trained militant force than these rogue witches. 

She still didn’t really understand them if she was being honest. She knew enough to see that people were afraid. No matter how evil the templars may be, at least they were stable. Maybe that was enough. 

She had hoped, assumed even, that Cullen would be doing this part. That she’d point at the templars on the map and he’d set off with his less than stellar army to collect them. That the man who’d been advocating to bring his old comrades into the fold would do the legwork and return with the mage killers and she’d be just that much safer. 

But no. She’d pointed at the map and then been sent off. They hadn’t even given her time to complain. 

Not that she would’ve. It would have ruined her perfectly crafted image of the sweet doe-eyed girl that ensured they wouldn’t throw her to the wolves. The one that changed her from a tool to a manipulable, scared girl. 

She was fine with being manipulated. So long as they thought she was weak-willed, there was no reason to hurt her. She just had to ensure that whatever was best for her was the path of least resistance for them. 

Besides, it wasn’t like she wasn’t returning the favor. The little notebook buried deep under her floorboards ran through the easiest way to get to all of them. Not to endear her to them, just to make her safe. She’d foster pity, camaraderie, desire, whatever would keep her in their good graces for the longest. 

She was always harmless. That was the one thing she had to be. Harmless above all else. Any sign of competency turned to threat under anything but the softest light. 

And yet they’d sent her fragile, bumbling self off to the templars to secure themselves some allies. Josephine had insisted she wouldn’t have to do anything, that she just had to show up while the actual soldiers being sent alongside her would do the heavy lifting. 

Iron Bull had promised much the same, posturing as he normally did. She almost always took him with her these days. He was a beast of a man who threw his weight around like it was nothing, more than happy to take blows for her. And even more importantly, he was growing incredibly fond of her, the kind of ally she needed. 

Their actual leader, the one who made the real decisions, was Cassandra. Cassandra was disinterested in coddling her, more focused on gathering troops than on the strange girl who’d inexplicably been shoved towards leadership because of an ability she’d been given by some higher power. 

Solas, the mage she’d been forced to take with her, was too busy huffing and puffing about prioritizing templars over mages. She thought about snapping at the elf, at insisting that maybe the mages should have been an organized militaristic force if they wanted to be prioritized in this fight. 

Instead, she rolled over like she always did, playing afraid until he stormed off, clearly uncomfortable with the tremor in her voice as she swore she was just trying to get the strongest possible troops so no one else would get hurt. 

Good. Let him be uncomfortable. She had never liked him much anyways. 

But even so, when they arrived at the templar camp she kept herself wedged firmly between Solas and Iron Bull, as far away from the leader of the templars, the Lord Seeker she was pretty sure he was called, as she could. 

She still didn’t fully understand who he was, couldn’t make sense of what he was doing here or why she was meant to care about him. In her defense, she hadn’t expected to be forced to come along. 

Despite her disinterest in him, despite her safe position, despite the way Bull attempted to lead the conflict, when something snapped in the Lord Seeker and he lunged forwards, he lunged at her. 

The world lurched under her feet and it felt like it had the last time, when she'd been pulled through the fade to this awful place and given the strange power that stuck her heading an army. It made her reel in her skin, her muscles and sinews feeling like they were being tugged along faster than she could keep up with, her mind stretching impossibly thin as it did.

And then she was alone. Her warriors and mages were gone, no Bull or Cassandra or Solas to keep her safe. 

Then this Lord Seeker appeared once more, and she suspected that even if she had listened when they’d told her all about the templars and their plight, she would have no better of an idea who this Lord Seeker was. 

This idea was only reinforced when the Lord Seeker began to morph, turning into eerie, hollow puppets of her now absent companions, cycling through her advisors as well. 

She allowed herself the freedom to not perform innocence for these poor mockeries of her cohorts. It seemed probable that this ‘Lord Seeker’ was a demon and as such, unlikely to respond to her usual fawning. 

So instead she got on with things, turning away from the creature that had just decided to morph itself into the face that she tried to avoid seeing in the mirror, and began moving forwards in this strange new space. 

The exploration was slow, the terrain littered with traps. The demon seemed frustrated with her persistent refusal to listen to it menace her. 

The rooms revealed little. Some had puppetted versions of the members of the Inquisition, acting out some situation or another. She decided not to devote her attention to it. It seemed to be intended to display what might happen should she die here and to be frank, she couldn’t care less. She would be dead after all. If Cullen ended up in a jail cell after she died, so be it. It would serve him right for forcing her to come here anyway. 

She explored another room, empty and strange, not sure what she was looking for. It wasn’t like she could just find a way out, she knew she was somewhere incorporeal and beyond things like exit doors. Maybe it was the fade, maybe she was in her own mind, maybe it was this demon’s territory. She didn’t much care, unless figuring it out led her to an exit any faster. 

And then, as she drowned herself in hopelessness and melancholy, a voice sounded from behind her. 

“You.”

The voice didn’t sound harsh nor antagonistic, a far cry from what she’d heard from the demon’s many faces. It was soft, almost curious in its tone. 

She turned around with wide eyes, forcing her face back into the soft façade she’d been free of whilst only under the scrutiny of the demon. 

“Thank god I found someone,” she gasped out, hoping she wasn’t laying it on too thick. “I thought I was all alone in here.”

A young man stood before her. She tried to take him in but it was difficult to due to the frankly absurd hat he was wearing. It covered most of his face, obscuring him from her, the shaggy ends of blonde hair and a stern looking mouth barely peeking out from under it. 

He also, fairly notably, was hanging from the ceiling, which did not help with the matter of the oversized brim of his well-worn hat blocking her view. 

He spoke once more, in that same gentle, inquisitive tone. It was off putting in a way it shouldn’t have been, its softness not quite managing to shield it from that. “It's not the same. Soft words, hard thoughts. You hate me. People do that but you think I’m human and you hate me anyway. Besides it, because of it. It’s hard to see, hard to understand, covered more and more, shying away from the light. The light brings eyes and the eyes bring hurt.”

“Are you inside my head?” Her tone was laced with a spite she rarely allowed to see the light of day.

He looked around. “We’re both inside your head. You’ve guessed that already.”

She shook her head. “Not here, not this place. You, what you’re saying, those are my thoughts. You’re stealing them from me.”

“Not stealing. Just seeing. Hearing.” He paused for a moment, and then said with a decisiveness she’d yet to hear from him. “You’re a bad person.”

“What are you doing in here?” she asked, brushing right past his statements, desperately searching for a way out of this. As much as she hated it, this weird creature that she’d found lingering in her mind was probably her best chance of escape. At least he didn’t seem intent on killing her.

“I grabbed onto you, when you were pulled through the fade. I wanted to go help, but getting out is hard. You made it easy but part of me is stuck up here now. You could help. If you go back I can follow you then too.”

Great, so she’d picked up some sort of mind-reading monster in the fade. She was tempted for a second to take her chances with the demon but she wasn’t stupid. She couldn’t get out on her own, and he clearly knew something. 

“What are you?” she asked, at least wanting to know what she was dealing with before she threw her life into his hands. 

“I’m Cole. What are you?”

That earned a ghost of a laugh from her, the short huff of air barely noticeable. Not that it mattered, Cole could probably feel it as she did. “I’m Rosemary.”

“You’re wrong,” he said, suddenly behind her, standing on the same floor she was on.

“About what? My name?”

“Wandering, alone, unnamed, searching for something soft on the tongue. Rosemary made people see the ghost, not the person. Rosemary earned gentle hands. What are you?” 

This was spiraling out of control faster than she could figure out how to manage it. “Can we focus on getting out of here?” she asked. “Can’t you interrogate me when there’s no imminent threat on our lives?”

Then he breathed a word out like he couldn’t decide if it was a prayer or a curse, like it was a horrible truth that had just occurred to him. “Britches.”

Her head snapped towards him, a tension she’d long since trained out of herself rearing its ugly head. “Where did you hear that?”

“You told me. It echoes in your head, the closest thing to you that there is. It’s so far, fleeting, fading. But it’s almost you.”

“We need to leave,” she practically pleaded with him. “Can we please just get out of here?”

“I’ve never heard someone who wasn’t a who before. Where did it go?”

“I promise I’ll answer all your questions when we get out. Please, we need to go.” She wasn’t above begging. There was very little she was above, in all honesty. 

His head tilted once more, as if considering asking about that thought, before deciding the promise of honesty in the future was worth more. 

“It wants your face,” he declared. “It would hurt more than you ever could, claw the people apart instead of just holding. You want to leave. I can help.”

“You can get me out of here?”

He didn’t even bother to nod, just continued speaking in his strange little riddles. “You need to make it more. Right now it’s just a few. The further you go, the further it stretches.”

“Why would I want to make it bigger?”

“The smaller it is, the closer together the power. You have to stretch it thin.”

Right, so she just needed to keep moving and eventually something in this seemingly endless demon would snap. 

She didn’t need him for that, she could travel on her own. 

His head tilted as the thought passed through her head. “We’re in you already. If you leave me behind, I stay. You want me to go so you can’t leave me.”

He was right. As much as she didn’t want to travel with this weird creature, leaving him festering inside her head seemed infinitely worse. 

“Alright then Cole, we’d better start walking.”

He nodded but did not move. “We will need to fight.”

“You will need to fight. There’s not much I can do.”

“No. You don’t fight, you move softer. Sneaking, slipping, stealing. You only have to roll over if you get caught.”

“I wish you’d stop doing that,” she said, and her voice was instinctually softer. He paid her no regard. 

“I can be quiet. We can move softly together.”

She hoped the creature actually understood what it was saying, that it could be as stealthy as it promised. Or at least hoped that it could fight. 

He still didn’t move and she wondered if he was waiting for her to go first. 

She turned and took a few steps out the door, hearing no footsteps sound behind her. 

When she turned, Cole was nowhere to be found.

A voice came from right behind her, outside of the doorway. “Should we not leave?”

She whipped around and glared at him. He didn’t seem to react to the look at all. 

To be fair, she wasn’t very intimidating. She had little practice at being menacing and she most certainly was not a natural. 

Emboldened by the fact that he did not seem to need to move to follow her, she set out, walking out the door, blowing right past him.

A scream sounded from her left and Cole said, “Keep going straight. It wants you to wind around and around and around so it doesn’t have to stretch.”

His voice echoed and she wasn’t sure if it was an audible noise or not. She turned to where it felt like it had come from and there he was, walking alongside her. 

The sound of her footsteps remained the only ones in the hall as the two of them walked. 

“We should move quietly,” she said. 

He looked around as he moved. “Envy can’t hear me. It doesn't know I’m here. You wouldn’t have either.”

“If not for safety then maybe you should be quiet for my own sanity.”

“You’re not going insane,” he declared. “You are frustrated.”

“You don’t seem to mind.”

“No,” he said. “You can be frustrated if you’d like.”

“No,” she informed him, although she imagined he knew already. “I would not like.”

She turned to look at him and saw a glimpse of his eyes under his hat, a little wrinkle formed between them. “Then you should stop.”

“You first,” she huffed. 

“The Iron Bull is out there,” he said, undeterred by her clear irritation. “He isn’t bad but he brings hurt anyway.”

She decided to try a more direct approach. “Can you shut up?”

“If you let them bite, then it doesn’t count. It only hurts if they take it, if you allow it it's still yours.”

She stopped with a jolt, whipping around to scold him. “If you can see everything in my head, why do you keep talking? You know what’s up there and I know what's up there so what exactly are we achieving?”

“I have thoughts too,” he said, almost wistfully.

“Really? I have yet to hear them. You instead seem intent on airing every thought I’ve ever had as obtusely as you can.”

“It’s hard. Your thoughts are so loud. You’re very angry.”

She huffed as she stormed onwards. “Wouldn’t you be?”

“I don’t know. I think the hurt would make me help. It just makes you want to dig your claws in and hold.”

“Fucking irritating little creature, that’s what you are. I’ll be glad when I get out of this and I never have to see you again. Then you can stew on my rotten thoughts as long as you’d like.”

His head cocked to the side. “You’re not convinced we’re inside you. You still hope this could be the fade. You think I may belong here, that I might stay.”

“Frankly, I don’t care where you go. I know you’re not staying with me though.”

“We’re tethered.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You can see in my head, right? Do you really think they’re going to believe a demon over me? You’ll be killed in a heartbeat. Which is fine by me, no skin off my back.”

“A bad person,” he muttered to himself, hands flexing and unflexing slowly, rhythmically as he spoke. She wasn’t sure if he even knew he was doing it. 

He went silent as they heard the shouting of troops. Cole faded away and she took to the shadows. 

If this really was her mind, which she was not ready to wholeheartedly believe on the word of some creature, then she had no idea how stealth worked here. Was it really as simple as being quiet and hiding away? Surely in this space that the demon allegedly created, it could sense where she was. 

And yet she watched soldiers run in front of her, looking desperately for someone to fight as she slunk further into the artificial landscape. 

Cole made himself scarce from there on out, occasionally warning her with that strange, disembodied voice to turn now or to avoid the room ahead, although never in such clear terms. 

Eventually, she realized where she’d ended up. She was where she’d begun, where the Lord Seeker, or perhaps the envy demon, had lunged at her past her several bodyguards, most of which were standing protectively in front of her.

It wanted her. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because of her perceived position of power. Maybe because of whatever this ability was that the fade had given her seemingly at random when she’d been pulled here.

It didn’t really matter, at the end of the day. She just needed to get out. 

And at the top of all those staircases was a dead end where she had been attacked. 

She looked around as the sound of battle-ready troops got louder. 

“Cole,” she hissed. “Where do I go?”

His voice sounded from above and she looked up to find him in the palm of a massive statue. 

“You remember it wrong. The statues don’t have faces here. You didn’t care to look.”

“I still don’t. We have more important things to be worrying about than what some weird statues look like.”

“It should end where it began. You must escape in the center.”

She made the mistake of turning her head, of looking nervously towards the false templars that resided down the stairs. 

When she looked back up, she was alone again. 

Or at least she hoped she was, looking around nervously, checking for any signs of an aggressor. 

But demons didn’t play fair. 

Before she could so much as catch sight of it, the faux Lord Seeker was slamming her back into the wall, hands tight around her throat. 

The face looking back at hers was the half-familiar one from the mirror once more, one she tried to avoid looking at at all costs. 

It was typically unfair, she supposed. To be forced to look at an imitation of herself as she died. 

She kicked and flailed, trying to break from his grasp, to get away by any means possible, but she knew it was a losing fight. She could feel the strength in its hands that far exceeded hers. 

Cole’s voice sounded from right beside her. “He is afraid of you.”

She could see no sign of him out of the corner of her eye as she thrashed in the demon's hold, but she could hear him perfectly. 

The fight began to drain out of her, sinking into herself as her kicks lost all their power. 

And then the hands around her throat went stiff and the world folded in on itself. 

She collapsed to the ground the second she saw Iron Bull in front of her, pulling the Lord Seeker away from her. She heaved in air where she sat, clutching her chest as she did, eyes beginning to water. 

It wasn’t her best performance, a bit overdone. She honestly could have just reacted as she would naturally but the sudden appearance of her companions had thrown her. In her defense, it was a sudden shift and she’d been preoccupied with other things. 

The strange creature with the stupid hat was nowhere to be seen. She wasn’t sure if she hoped he was still trapped back wherever they had been or not. She certainly didn’t want him lingering in her head but having a mind-reading creature roaming around would prove an ever greater problem. 

Bull carried her inside as the other two talked about a demon and some transformation she hadn’t been privy to, instead caught up in her own dramatics. 

He tucked her away on a chair in the corner as Solas said something, probably whining about her. Cassandra gave her a firm order to stay put and they left her inside, amidst the templars.

She stayed tucked in her corner, choking down any panic that might want to arise. 

She didn’t like being alone with groups of men, let alone groups of men that she didn’t know and hadn’t built any repertoire with.  

The fight was over fast. She stayed dutifully in her corner, not one to disobey orders. When it was over, Cassandra and Bull returned for her, Solas presumably off worrying about more important things than her. 

Cassandra did not let Bull carry her any longer, insisting she was fine without giving her the chance to speak. She rose to her feet, despite her plan to feign weakness a little longer. She didn’t want to upset Cassandra.

Cassandra dragged her back to their control room to debrief about the mission, where she would inevitably try to pull something approximating leadership out of her once more. 

It wouldn’t work. She knew any attempt to lead would upset more people than it would please.

It was safer to be weak. 

Cullen was upset about something, which didn’t make sense to her considering she’d helped his precious templars first. Josephine was upset too, not that she’d ever admit it. But a liar recognizes a liar and that calm voice was as put on as it could be. Leliana was endlessly practical, so presumably she was telling her something important. She barely listened to any of it, instead focusing on clutching her uninjured stomach in faux pain, hoping that the hands that had been around her neck left bruises, despite having been in that world between worlds. 

And then their typical, predictable chatter turned to something more panicked and she looked up to find Cole sitting on their table.

Her eyes shifted from an impression of someone trying to be brave about their pain to a very real panic, lurching away from him before she could think. 

Swords were being drawn in the blink of an eye and she did her best to position herself behind Cullen. He was already the fastest to the draw and Cole was too dangerous to her. Hopefully, if he felt he had something to protect he would be even more likely to end this creature now, before Cole could become a problem. 

“You left,” Cole said, looking straight at her, the weapons pointing at him not seeming to concern him at all.

All heads turned to her. “Rosemary?” asked Josephine hesitantly, waiting for an explanation. 

“He helped me against the demon,” she said reluctantly. “But I don’t think we can trust him.”

Cole’s head cocked to the side. “Fleeting, fearful, frantic. You need me to be gone, they can’t see what I know. We both will stay.”

She prayed the others didn’t understand that as the threat it was. 

Leliana glanced between the two of them and asked, “A spirit helped you?”

A spirit. It made sense, she’d apparently picked him up in the fade and he hadn’t done anything truly menacing so it was unlikely he was a demon. At least not yet. She wasn’t sure how Leliana had deduced this but she stored the information away. 

She nodded. “He did. And maybe I was unfair. He was nothing but kind to me, and he saved my life. We could give him a chance.”

Cullen scoffed. “Trust him? He’s a demon and you just said we shouldn’t trust him! Now you want to set him free in the camp?”

“Wasn’t it you who said I could stand to be a little braver, Commander Cullen?” she said, sitting up a little straighter. She needed to do this, if Cole was inside her head he could get her killed. “He saved me, and I say we give him a chance.”

Cole was gone before she finished defending him, disappearing with hints of fade green in the air where he’d sat. 

Josephine looked nervous but she seemed the most content with their situation, saying, “He could be a useful resource-” 

Before she could so much as finish her sentence, Rosemary bolted out the door to go find the ticking bomb that had invited itself into her army.

[dreamingofthewild]

100 Bloodweave Fanfic recommendations

As there are over 3,000 Bloodweave fanfics, I have been wanting to do a fanfic rec list for a while. To share some of the works I enjoyed and to offer support for the talented writers in the fandom. I opted for 100, as it is a nice number for a rec list. It was very hard to narrow it down, and there are many good fics that, unfortunately, didn't make it too the list. This is not meant as a 'Top 100' list.

The recommendations will be shared in 6 parts as it is too much for one post.

Part 2: In Universe Canon One-Shots - 17 fics.

Of Jackpots and Sticky Fingers by Asidian. 2,736 words. Astarion and Gale encounter the Djinn at the Circus of the Last Days. Hijinks ensue.

Warding Bond by Haarlec. 4,136 words. Fluff and Angst. For Bloodweave Brainrot's 31 Gays of Summer - Day 4 - Shield. 

Dissonance by Quillscales. 2867 words. Manipulation, Implied/ Referenced DubCon. Tav attempts to manipulate Gale into participating in a fivesome with the drow twins and Halsin. Astarion isn't having it. Can be seen as romantic or platonic.

There's no Healing in not Feeling by amberxwrites. 2,872 words. The Araj scene, Tav being a jerk. Five times Gale questions Astarion about his relationship with Tav, and the one time he does something about it. Can be seen as romantic or platonic.

Starving by milestogo2. 7,276 words. Past Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts. Hurt/ Comfort. Gale comforts Astarion during a troubling time.

Veneficus Duellm by Aria_Lerendeair. 8,930 words. Gale challenges a group of wizards looking to kidnap Astarion and return him to Cazador to a wizard duel. I would also recommend this one to non-Bloodweave shippers. Gale gets to be badass and show how competent he is with magic.

Feebleminded by spAceArrow. 3,004 words. Hurt/ Comfort. Astarion is hit with the feebleminded spell. Gale helps.

a delicacy of undeath by shroomonabroom. 3,800 words. Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Angst, Mind the Tags. Gale finds an alternative cure to vampirism: a spawn needs to kill their Master and then consume their heart. Make sure that you have a tissue handy.

All those regrets we cannot bear by Astralia. 7,305 words. Angst, No Comfort, Smut. Gale and Astarion pushed each other towards ascension. They say the way to the Hells is paved with good intentions, and they both paid the price for it.

Like Broken Shards of Stained Glass by lividstatue. 3,089 words. Astarion sees himself for the first time in the Self-Same Trial. Gale attempts to be there for him, despite the gauntlet dredging up his past.

Counterspell by kimprobable21. 7,735 words. Fluff, Catching Feelings. Oh no, whatever is a simple rogue to do when their handsome wizard turns against the party, and they don’t have access to counterspell? There must be some way for Astarion to block the verbal and somatic components of Gale’s scorching ray…

Recipe for Disaster by fsaoud. 8,255 words. Angst, Fluff, Trauma. Inspired by that one line of banter where Astarion says that he pictured his return to Baldur's Gate to include days of hedonistic debauchery and Gale says that it sounds like a recipe for disaster but he is starting to enjoy the taste of chaos.

if my heart stops beating, we'll bleed the same way by AgentBuzzkill. 8,640 words. Hurt/ Comfort, Angst. Gale falls in battle during the fight with Lorrakan and Astarion does not take it well.

These marks will stay by Elowen. 8,434 words. New Relationship, Smut, Comfort. When Astarion loses his tadpole powers and is forced to flee from the sun, it is (to his surprise) Gale who follows him into the dark to offer comfort.

The Missing Piece by thealphaaxolotl. 10,811 words. Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Introspection. Astarion doesn't realize he has feelings for Gale until the wizard is taken by Orin.

The winding road to Waterdeep by LuckofTymora (FelixFelicis). 1,500 words. Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Grief/ Mourning. When Orpheus dies before they can reach the Crown of Karsus, Gale has no choice but to use the orb. Astarion isn't okay with this.

At Last by seagull_soda. 4,716 words. Hurt/ Comfort. The orb is stabilized and Gale gets to have a big ugly cry as a treat.

Part 1: In Universe Canon Multi-Chapter - 15 fics

Part 3: In Universe Canon Divergent - 16 fics.

Part 4: In Universe Post-Canon Multi-Chapter - 20 fics. 

Part 5: In Universe Post-Canon One Shots - 14 fics. 

Part 6: Alternate Universe - 18 fics.

[ofallthingsnasty]

Bill gives off “will fuck you minutes before you have to go meet up your friends so he can get out of it AND have you embarrassed” energy so I’ll love it if you can write that scenario 👉👈

Nothing but facts here 🤭💕 He's such a smarmy asshole haha @flameshadowwolf 😘

fic referenced - please give it a read before you jump into this one, you'll probably need the context.

tags: yandere, heavy dubcon, Bill being condescending as always, breeding mentioned, talk of future knotting, past noncon + forced impregnation + forced marriage, chubby reader, f!reader, werewolf/human, minors dni word count: 3k

You haven’t done your makeup in forever. It’s been at least two months, you think, as you try to remember which of the colors in your little eyeshadow palette is the best for a monochrome look. You don’t really have the time to duke it out with a more complex style right now, especially with your rusty skills - there is barely an hour left until you're supposed to meet Ellie, car ride not included. Your mind sings at the prospect of a quiet evening, with friendly chatter and good food - and you not having to do anything. No needy toddler, no sticky little hands and pouty mouth to rob you of every last ounce of patience and energy, just adults-only conversations and friendly faces. Ellie and her husband Francis are the only members of the pack that are making an effort to include you and you like them all the better for it. You buff out the eyeshadow a little closer to your brows while you try to keep your bitterness down.

That fateful night three years ago had been your D-Day, and everything that followed was just punch after punch to your face - including being shunned by the very community that you had unwillingly become a part of. Of course, the whole pack knows what happened. Three years might have passed, but they still stick their necks together and whisper about it as though it all happened yesterday, avoiding your presence like you’re some bad omen, the hangman’s bride herself. Only Hugh and the Evett couple are cordial, the rest act as though you’re the black sheep of the family. It’s a small relief but at least they treat your daughter fairly well. It might change once her peers reach a mature enough age to be included in the gossip but for now your little toddler girl doesn’t have to play alone on the playgrounds and is invited to birthday parties only her father can take her to.

You rummage through your little makeup bag, searching for your brow powder. It’s probably too old to use safely, but you don’t care as you smudge it into the hairs. It’s not like you have the time to buy a new one.

Out of the whole pack, only your life is ruled by some archaic tradition. You had asked Ellie once about her and Francis and when she answered that they were high school sweethearts, you had quickly ducked into your coffee, ashamed of your own fate. 

Of course, she knows. You’re close enough in age - she’s a few years younger and still bright-faced, probably taking a giant heap of pity in your circumstances. It doesn’t matter to you, you’re just glad that someone who knows about this whole supernatural business is friendly with you - your old, blissfully unaware friends have long since grown tired of your bitter rants about your husband, not understanding why you’re still with him.

Oh, if only they knew. Their not-so-subtle nudges to get you to go to therapy (or to ditch Bill) get nothing but a grim laugh out of you now. No therapist could get you out of this mess, no stupid self-help book could give you the courage (with a sparkle and fire emoji, of course) to just leave. Just leave. God, it’s so stupid it makes you grimace.

Your life simply isn't your own anymore - right down to your name. Now you're just Mrs. Timmons, with a small golden band and his goddamn scent all over you (marking you as his possession). He had dragged you to the altar kicking and screaming, breaking plates and ripping up that gaudy number he had proposed as your wedding dress, but in the end, he had succeeded.

You had threatened to leave once, when Claire had been so very little, to pack her up and go - to the other side of the country, out of the country, across continents - just to get away from him. It had all been hot air, said in a dark moment of despair, of fear.

The solemn truth is that there is no way out of this. No matter how much you screech and fight - you’re not up against a regular man. Behind that grubby smile and dark eyes lies a creature that can track you down with deadly precision and has claimed you as its own, until the day it dies.

It sure is easy to forget when he throws his dirty shoes down onto the couch table or when he smokes when Claire is in the room, when he doesn’t do shit around the house and you get to stew in your anger, ruminate on the abysmal hand fate had dealt you. Then he’s just a regular piece of shit, just another good-for-nothing husband you get to nag and scream at and fume around. But when he fucks you - that’s when he’s back to the snarling beast he had been in that shed. The way he holds you down, even as a mere man, his grip like iron, his eyes feral and wide - even thinking about it makes you shudder.

It doesn’t matter right now, you think. You’ll be safe from his wandering hands and salacious comments in a matter of minutes, able to be yourself and not the always-scowling fury you have been turned into.

Just a swipe of mascara and your purse- 

A soft knock on the door frame interrupts you.

The sound of Bill’s heavy footsteps save you the glance over your shoulder to confirm it’s really him. “Wow, look at you”, he whistles, a freshly lit cigarette in his right hand. “Did I forget something? Date night? Our wedding day? My birthday?”

He laughs at his own joke as he takes a drag and you can already feel the annoyance starting to boil in your stomach. “I kid, I kid. You’re gonna meet with the Everett girl tonight, right? Girl’s night, eh?”

 “Yeah. Francis will join us later, though”, you say, clipped, brushing your mascara wand over the lower lashes of your left eye.

  “That so?”, you can hear him sucking in another lungful, sounding almost pensive. “Sounds awfully nice, princess.” You hum, finally done with your look. “I did invite you to come. If you remember.” A husky laugh behind you makes your brows furrow. “Jesus, woman, what did I do to you now?” You bite your tongue. Oh, you know. You just forcefully impregnated me three years ago and maybe I still haven’t worked through that. No biggie, though. “Be nice to your old man, yeah?”

He takes the cigarette into his left hand and presses a kiss to your temple, then drags his lips down to your ear. His stubble scratches the thin skin that is stretched over the cartilage of your helix and you can’t suppress the shudder. The right hand that lands on your shoulder is heavy and warm as it rubs and presses the fat over the joint, thoughtful but firm. “I have been nothing but kind, haven’t I? If you had ended up with that little freak, you wouldn’t have seen the sun ever again.” Crinkling, dark eyes meet yours in the mirror. 

Evan. You still think about him sometimes, but he moved just shortly after you started showing, too distraught that it had been Bill's kid and not his. You'd pity him if he hadn't done the unthinkable to you, just like Bill did.

“You do know that, don’t you?” Despite yourself, you nod - suddenly hot and cold at the same time. “I keep you fed, I keep a roof over your head, I let you run free, I let you tear up my shit when you’re mad, I let you go to your uppity little bitch you like so much- I think I’m doing way more than necessary, darling.” He mouths at your ear again, suddenly licking and biting the shell, only stopping when you visibly cringe. “I even think I deserve a little something for that, hm? And if it’s not gratitude, it might just be something else.”

He presses out the cigarette before you can even answer, right on top of your eyeshadow palette. Rough hands glide over the nape of your neck, down to your shoulders and settle right underneath your tits where he pushes them up and catches your eyes in the mirror again. “Just look at you, baby. I wish I could ruin all that makeup with my cum but we can’t have you be late for your little wine dinner, hm?” You see your own face twist in shock at his crude words and he watches in amusement, hands already working the soft flesh of your chest. He pinches and prods through the sturdy fabric that cups your tits, rubbing the material between his fingers to appraise it. “Aw, you’re wearing only a t-shirt bra today, aren’t you? Not my favorite lace number?”, he says and squeezes over your clothed nipples roughly, making you yelp in pain. “Or maybe I should be glad you aren’t. Else I’d think you’re dressing up for the Everett boy.” “But you’d never do that, would you?”, his tone drips with something dark. “You’d never betray me, hm?” Your breath stutters. It’s not a question. It’s a threat. “Why, I-”, you gasp, the words enough to shake you out of your stupor. “Why would you think that?”

“Dunno, babe”, he almost croons. “Just wanted to put it out there. In case you got into your little head again.” His hands wander down to your stomach and grab your fat roughly, a deep growl ending the conversation. He buries his fingers deep into you, so deep it stings and you subconsciously stretch upwards, granting him easier access to your neck. He promptly uses it to nip the skin of your pulse point.

“Soft as ever. Makes me want to bite and devour you whole”, Bill laughs. “But I’ll settle for putting another baby in you.” The nails digging through the cotton of your shirt turn sharp and long - he chuckles as you yelp, as you try to wiggle out of the chair in front of your vanity. “Too late, honeypie.” The man who stares back at you through the mirror is no longer a man - he is a wolf again, the same one that sounded the bell for the end of the life you once knew. “Don’t give me those pitiful eyes. Where’s all that fire, huh?”, he snickers, grotesque notes strung together by a deeper voice, by bigger lungs. “Your snippy little attitude. You do know I love to fuck it out of you, again and again.” Your head is pushed down into the wood and it sends your mascara and brushes flying to the floor. He simply drags your face over the vanity until the crown of your head touches the cool glass of the mirror, your legs slowly rising with the stretch. 

You have a hunch of what will follow. “Ass up, sweetheart”, he bites out and kicks the chair underneath you to the side with so much force you can hear it splinter. You’re left to stand on shaky legs, the cartilage of your nose pressed into the furniture. “Good girl.”

You only whimper in response, too weak to struggle against him, even as his hands leave your head.

He shows little regard for your clothes, as little as he had for his in the moment he turned - sharp claws dig into your nicest pair of jeans with little care, thick hands pull them down by force - over your belly, then over your ass. They're left just above your knees as he targets the next layer, a simple pair of cotton briefs. He slices through them and groans at the sight of you - fully exposed, bent over, vulnerable and oh-so-soft.

 "The baby did you good, sweetheart", he laughs and spanks your ass so hard it echoes through the room. "Made you even better. Maybe another one will make that ass even fatter."

  You're mortified at his crude words - but any indignant squawk of protest gets stuck in your throat as he presses his whole muzzle into your cunt.

He licks and pushes and sucks - eats you out so messily that his spit drips down your thighs and you can't contain your voice any longer.

You're rewarded with a chuckle and even more fervor. 

It's too much and yet not enough - his tongue only brushes your clit but he fucks your hole with it so well it makes your legs shake. You don't even register the way his claws dig into your ass, the pain barely noticeable over the mess he's making in between your thighs.

It’s not enough to make you cum but you feel yourself loosening up, growing pliant under his touch. Maybe he can feel it too because just a few precious minutes later he stops, licking his maw loudly. “Could eat you out all day, princess”, he chuckles behind you. “But you got a little girl’s night to go to, don’t you?” You manage nothing but a teary-eyed nod, throwing him a look over your shoulder, that terrifying creature staring right back at you, the man within it clearly getting drunk with the power he has over you when he is like this. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick.” He pushes himself into you slowly, but firmly - his saliva mixed with your own arousal making the most obscene squelch. It’s almost a relief to feel him in you after he fucked you on his tongue and you close your eyes, savoring the feeling of him working you open.

“You take me so well-”, he grits out and you moan in response. You should be ashamed of how much you long for his cock, how the years have made you compliant, even needy for him, even though you’re thoroughly terrified of him - but you can’t find it in you to care right now. The shame will come later, when you’re alone with your thoughts again but for now you just want to him to fuck you so well you’ll forget about everything. He starts out slow but it doesn’t last long - it never does. Just a few thrusts in and he’s found a rather harsh pace that has him fist the neck of your blouse to steady himself, claws puncturing the fabric. “God, I just wanna knot you, sweetheart”, he groans and you believe every word of it. “Bet you want it too- Always such a slut for my knot-” You clench around him both in arousal and shock - taking Bill’s knot is such a messy experience, one that would make you late for sure, with everyone able to smell just why you’re an hour behind schedule. “Ah, tomorrow- I’ll fucking knot you tomorrow.”

Your body is dragged over the wood with every thrust, the crown of your head bumps into the mirror every time he bottoms out - you feel like nothing more than toy with the way you’re rattled around. He seems a little extra desperate, probably trying to empty himself into you as fast as possible.

“Right now I’m- I’m- gonna make you stink with my scent, gonna mark you so that they all know how well I fuck you.” How embarrassing for you. Of course Francis will immediately smell it the moment he walks into the door and you’ll have to duck your head behind your wine glass - wolf that he is, claims like this won’t go unnoticed. “So you can’t run away from me-”, he gasps, out of breath with effort. “And no one can take you, either-” Even through your fucked-out haze, something clicks. He’s insecure. That’s why he’s in this form, why he’s so intent on filling you up before you sit yourself down with friends. Why he just won’t come with you eludes you - but that is Bill, ever so possessive, ever so puzzling.

You’d laugh at him if you weren’t currently getting mounted by a two meter tall humanoid monster, if you weren’t so literally fucked right now.  A groan pulls your attention back to the creature you call your husband. “Oh fuck, babe-”, Bill moans behind you, his pace getting even faster. It grates your insides, your body trying to keep you lubricated as he pounds you. Spittle flies through sharp teeth and lands on your ass as he unabashedly lets his maw hang open, too blissed out to care.

“I’m gonna cum, oh shit- Shit-”, he says and loses himself in a string of curses, trying to fuck you as you deeply as he can, rutting into you with so much force you’re scared the mirror is going to break off the vanity. “Fucking take it-”

The snarl he lets out isn’t human anymore, as are the claws slicing into your scalp, the sudden grip keeping you in place. He shudders violently as he pumps you full of his load, hot and wet. The feeling is enough to wring a throaty moan out of you - not enough to make you cum, but enough to make your legs shake and clench around him. “Damn…” Bill wheezes into the silence that follows, hands still iron on your skin. You slump into the wood beneath you, sweat-slicked and high-strung. He laughs as he hears the thump of your forehead against the vanity. “Fuck, sweetheart. You’re gonna make me go before my time with that pussy.” You don’t answer, already irritated with him again. “Well-”, he coughs and takes his hands off you, sounding much more composed. “Looks like you need to start over with your little look.” His words make you gasp and paw at your face, the sticky smudge of mascara palpable on your cheeks. You don’t need to turn your head up to the mirror to tell that you’re back to square one, that you’ll be late, with a dripping cunt and hastily scrawled on makeup. Your arousal is gone in an instant, replaced by hot rage burning its way through your stomach for good. A pat on the head and a content sigh behind you make it boil over, make you clench so hard you actually push him out of you. It’s laughed away, either mistaken for the wrong emotion or simply ignored. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, your old man will make it up to you tomorrow.”

[peachm1lkk]

Sweet Cyanide

Synopsis — You and Sean have sex for the first time; he tries to be gentle and fails.

Pairing — Sean x Reader ( AFAB reader but Gender neutral terms used only)

Warnings — Dubcon(?) its stockholm so Ill leave it, Stockholm Syndrome, Blood and Injury, Knifeplay, Blood Kink, Sadism, Light Masochism, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Missionary Position, Gaslighting, Emotional Manipulation, Marking/Branding, Praise and maybe some degradation, Fingering

A/N — Cross posted on Ao3 // Sean is nicer in this because he's learning that treating the person you kidnapped with some semblance of respect is actually really effective in making Stockholm Syndrome occur... Who woulda guessed

You don’t know when you started leaning into his touch, from when you finally crossed that bleary line where your stomach twisted into something that felt almost like yearning. Sean’s fingers brushed against your arm, sending warmth through your skin. You caught yourself lingering in the moment, savoring the soft way he looked at you as if you were a wildflower he had stumbled upon in an unkempt field.

You don’t know what facial expression he has on his face, your back turned to him and your body cradled the warmth of his arms. The flickering light the Fireplace cast makes shadows dance across the room, making it feel more secluded, more intimate. His breath was warm against your neck, and for a moment you could almost forget the reality of your situation.

You think he has a contemplative look on his face. Considering what to say next, perhaps. 

“Do you remember the first time we met, face to face I mean?” His voice was a low murmur, a tempting whisper that resonated in the stillness, pulling you back to that fateful night when everything changed. You turned your head slightly, enough to catch a glimpse of his expression and confirm your suspicions—something almost soft and almost vulnerable yet still in deep thought.

“I try not to,” you admit, turning your game back to the fireplace once he locked eyes with you. “It’s easier to forget.” You mumbled, your heart fluttering as he tightened his grip around your waist.

“Easier to forget…” he repeated, his tone one of vague amusement. “What an interesting way to respond.” He said, the smile on his face audible in his voice. There’s another moment of silence shared between the two of you, a part of you finds it interesting how you no longer see it as suffocating as you used to.

“Y’know, I honestly think I prefer you like this when you’re actually responding to me instead of just ignoring me.”

You shrugged lightly, a half-hearted attempt to play off his words, “Maybe I was just tired of pretending.” you wonder why you used that word in specific, you weren’t pretending during your months in the basement, and you know your past resentment that you’ve built up wasn’t fake, but the way he held you now made the past feel like a distant nightmare, one that faded in the warmth of his embrace. “Pretending can be exhausting,” Sean said, his voice low and soothing, as if he were trying to draw out the hurt buried within you. “But I think you’re beginning to see things differently now.”

“I… I didn’t mean to say I was pretending.” You corrected, brows furrowing slightly. “I don’t know why I used that word, but I wasn’t pretending.” Sean shifted slightly, lifting your chin with his fingertips so that you had no choice but to meet his gaze. The firelight reflected in his eyes. “You didn’t mean to say it, but it’s the truth, isn’t it?” he asked gently, more gently than you’re used to. “We all wear masks in one way or another. I just happened to rip yours away.”

You can’t force yourself to respond, and for once he seems happy with your silence. A small smile formed on his lips, as he studied your face, his fingers brushing lightly against your cheek. “It’s kind of beautiful when you think about it,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Finding the real you beneath all those layers.”

You note in the back of your mind that he’s uncomfortably close to your face, and yet the tension doesn't feel threatening. He looked pretty up close, you think.

“Sean…” you tried to pull away, but his hold on you was insistent.

“This…” Since when have you gotten so comfortable in his arms? It was a simple question, and under a slightly different context, you might’ve dismissed it. But it’s not in a different context, and the thought terrified you.

“This isn’t right,” you stammer, trying to pull yourself out of his gasp, “God— what the fuck none of this-” You can’t find the right words to describe how awfully insane this situation is, even as you wrestled against him trying to get off the bed “None of this makes any sense-”

Sean's grip only tightened, his fingers pressing into the flesh of your arms with a possessiveness that frightened you. “It’s not supposed to make sense,” he said, his voice steady despite the chaos in your head. “Life rarely does. But I can promise you this—whatever this is, it’s real.”

“No, no no no, y-you’re insane!” You stumble through your words, wrestling with him despite how obvious it was you weren’t getting out of this.

Sean’s eyes darkened, a flicker of something wild igniting within them. “Insane?” he repeated, almost as if mocking the very notion. 

“What’s insane is how easily you’ve let yourself slip into this," he grunted, pinning your hands to the side of your head, a dull pain blooming from where his nails dug into your skin. “You’re here now, aren’t you? And the past... it doesn’t haunt you like it used to.”

"Let go of me!" you cried, trying to twist your body away from him, desperation flooding your voice.

“Why would I?” he asked softly, an unsettling calm draping over his words. “You say it doesn’t make sense, but I know you…” His gaze bore into yours, searching for something deeper. “I know that deep down you understand that this is what's best for you.” He paused for a moment watching your terrified expression closely.

“I know you love me, Doe eyes.” The nickname makes your stomach twist in a vague sense of revulsion. You watch as his gaze finally flickers downward, a soft sigh escaping him as if he were disappointed in you. “But maybe you need a little nudge to admit it, huh?”

You refuse to answer him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of breaking down any defense you could think of.

“And you were doing so well.” He whispers, speaking to himself rather than you, frustration tinting his voice. And that hint of frustration scared some part of you, terrified of the consequences to come when you’ve been behaving so well, you cursed yourself mentally, why did you have to always fight? Why couldn’t you just let that gradual fall into something close to yearning just…happen?

You can see him mulling over what to do next, his calmness in this situation a little concerning considering the first time you were up here it ended with him strangling you because you struggled against him for reasons you rather keep buried.

"Maybe a little pain will help you remember," he said quietly, his eyes narrowing as he marked the edge of your resistance. The words hung heavily in the air, twisting the warmth of the moment into something sharp and jagged. Your heart raced as dread pooled in your stomach.

“Sean, please…” Your voice trembled, breaking under the weight of your fear and desperation. “I-I’m sorry I—”

“Don’t give me that shit right now.” He simply said,

his voice carrying a gravelly undertone that sent shivers racing up your spine.

“Sorry for what? Wanting to fight back? Wanting to escape?” He leaned closer, his breath ghosting over your skin, making every nerve in your body scream to flee while simultaneously igniting something unsettling inside you. “You think I don’t see you? I see you more than you realize.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as if that could somehow block out the reality of your situation. “I just want to go home,” you whispered, the desperation clawing at your throat. His laughter echoed around the dimly lit room, bitter and cold.

“Home? This is your home now. Our home.” He pressed his forehead against yours, the warmth of his skin juxtaposed with the chill of fear that seeped into your bones.

His grip shifted with an unsettling ease, his fingers sliding from your wrists to your throat, a silent reminder of his power over you. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, desperate to escape its cage.

“I try so hard y’know… to remember that you love me, that I just have to be patient.” He pauses, looking as if he doesn’t even believe his own words “But it gets harder every day.” Sean mumbled, leaning back to grab something off the counter that you see, the dim lighting obscuring his movements. Your breath quickened, panic rising as you fought against the restraints of his grip.

“Sean I’m sorry- I didn’t-” You trip and stumble over your own words, desperately racking at your own brain to think of something, anything, to delay the inevitable. “—I didn’t mean to upset you!” you pleaded, your voice rising an octave as anxiety clawed at your throat.

You’re quick to shut up when you feel the metal of the knife pressed against your neck. It felt cool against your skin, a stark contrast to the heat of the moment. Sean’s expression shifted, his face an unreadable mask as he held the blade with an unsettling gentleness.

As he plants a kiss on the back of your neck, he remarks, "Lately, you've been like a little puppy. Always waiting for me to come home, eagerly talking to me, and even letting me hold you without much resistance." He chuckles, savoring the sound of your heartbeat against his lips.

You don't know how he's so… casual with this as if he doesn't have a knife up against your neck. Pressed up against flesh just enough to feel the cool metal. It's his hunting knife, you note, the same knife he's used to carve his name just above your heart, and truthfully you don't know why you pay attention to such an unimportant detail like that other than that the thought was grounding.

“Sean...” Your voice trembled, uncertain if you were reaching for him or trying to pull away. There was a strange thrill in being so close to danger, a twisted part of you that felt alive in the face of imminent harm.

He sighed softly as if your plea had bored him rather than stirred any compassion. “I’ll give you a reason to say please.”

His fingers tightened around the hilt of the knife, and for a heartbeat, the world outside ceased to exist.

“Say it,” he breathed, almost tenderly, yet there was a stark edge behind his words that made your pulse race faster than fear should allow. “Tell me you need me.” The knife pressed deeper against your skin; the slightest pressure mixed with the heat of his body made your limbs tremble.

“I… I need you,” you whispered, the words tasting bitter and wrong on your tongue. It shouldn’t feel so real, so necessary, yet here you were.

“Again.” He urged, his grip never wavering, coaxing the truth out of you with a twisted gentleness that left your heart racing.

“I need you,” you repeated, the weight of his gaze heavy upon you. The words felt heavy on your lips, you hated him for this; for making you say it. But there was an undeniable compulsion, a nagging sensation somewhere deep within that craved to please him even when logic screamed otherwise.

He laughed to himself softly, “This reminds me of when you tried to kill me.” he mumbled, reminiscing on the memory. “But… it’s different this time.” Sean said, gaze lowering down to your neck, watching red beads slowly gather around the edge of his knife. Your breath hitched as the warm trickle of blood seeped down your neck, mingling with the heat of his body.

Finally, he pulled the blade back from your neck, letting it drag down the collar of your shirt, admiring the scars he’d left on your body. “Look how far we’ve come,” he murmured, the knife now resting against your chest, dangerously close to where your heart thudded like a frantic drum. His eyes sparkled with a mix of pride and something darker, something you feared more than the blade itself.

“Tell me why.”

You look up at his face with scared, confused eyes.

“Tell me why you need me if you don’t want me to stab you in the chest.”

You swallow hard, the words catching in your throat like shards of glass. “I need you because…” You forced yourself to say the first thing that came to mind, hoping— praying, that it’d be enough to appease him. “Because you’re all I have,” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Ah.” He nodded slowly as if savoring the confession. “That’s it then.” A slow smile crept across his face, one that sent a fresh wave of dread crashing over you. His fingers danced over your collarbone, tracing the scars he had carved into your skin with an artist's care. “I knew it,” he said softly. “You’ve become so accustomed to me that even pain feels like home.”

His gaze locked onto yours with an intensity that left you breathless. “I can feel it… You’re heart I mean, beating so damn hard in there.” He cooed, “Is it because have this knife? Scared of what it might do to you?” You can see the cogs in his head turning, brows slightly furrowing.

“No, not scared. Excited.” He corrects, his own excitement palpable. You can feel it wrap around your heart, tightening its grip with each word that escaped his lips. “You crave this, don’t you? A part of you wants to know what will happen if you let go of all those walls you’ve built.”

“Sean…” Your voice faltered as emotions warred inside you—fear wrestling against a creeping sense of acceptance.

“Don’t say my name like that,” he warned, something you refuse to acknowledge flickering in his eyes. “So… sweetly, I mean. It makes me wanna do things to you that I know you wouldn’t like. But then again, the irony isn’t lost on me that you also wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about them.”

Your heart raced as he leaned in closer again, his breath ghosting over your cheek, and you almost whimpered at the way the knife trailed down your chest. “Tell me you want me,” he suddenly prompted.

“I… I want you,” you found yourself saying, your voice barely more than a whisper. The admission burned in your throat, leaving behind a trail of shame and confusion. You hated that it felt so true even as it tasted like ash on your tongue.

He inhales deeply, his expression morphing into one of triumph mixed with something darker, something that made your pulse race. "You’re so warm you know that," he murmured, the knife now resting just above the waistband of your shorts. “Tell me what you want,” he urged again, his voice thick with hunger.

Your mind raced, a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and emotions. You knew better; deep down, you understood the darkness that lay beneath the surface of his charm. But another part of you—a part that had been buried under layers of fear and pain—yearned for release. For connection.

“I… I want you,” you mumbled absentmindedly, the words spilling from your lips as though you hadn’t thought of its weight. “I need you.”

His lips pressed warmly against yours, the warmth of his mouth igniting a spark that sent your heart racing in double time. It was a collision of fear and longing, and you felt yourself teetering on the edge of something dangerous. intoxicating.

You can feel him tugging your shorts down with his finger, the fabric slipping away like the remnants of your will. Your breath caught in your throat as cool hands explored newfound skin, igniting a storm of conflicting emotions within you. Part of you wanted to push him away, to reclaim your dignity and sanity, but another, more primal instinct urged you to lean into the moment, to surrender.

"Look at you," he whispered against your lips, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "Fuck, the first time I tried this I remember you panicking and kicking,” He silently laughs to himself at the memory “Ruining the whole damn moment.”

You don’t respond, preoccupied with the stinging sensation of the blade digging into the fat of your stomach to speak. Drawing minuscule beadlets of blood that pooled in the divot of your skin, warm and viscous, as Sean’s breath hitched with excitement.

“You fought so hard back then,” he purred, his breath hot against your ear as if sharing a secret meant only for you. “But now? You’re different.”

His fingers ghosted over your body, trailing heat in their wake, teasingly close to that fragile line between pleasure and pain. “So willing and obedient to let me leave my mark on your body.”

“Sean... please,” you gasped, the desperation clinging to your voice.

“‘Please’ what? Use your words Doe eyes.” he commented, his lips curling into a shameless smile. You stifle a pained whimper at how his thumb smeared the blood against your skin, eyes flickering down to take notice of how the ichor trickled down your abdomen and made a mess out of your underwear. You find it a little funny that he hasn’t taken it off yet.

“Please,” You start, hesitating to speak “Please don’t stop” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you could think better of them, and as soon as they were spoken. Sean’s eyes lit up with a predatory glint that sent a thrill through your veins, intertwining fear with an unsettling excitement that had taken root deep within you.

“Fuck, I never thought I’d get to hear you say those words.” He sighed against your lips, trapping you within another kiss that seemed more hungry than the last, his mouth crashing against yours with such fervor that made you dizzy.

His hands roamed over your body, rough and possessive as he explored every inch of you. “I’ve waited so long for this,” he murmured between kisses, each word laced with a hunger that sent shivers racing down your spine. “To see you like this—so beautiful, so pliable under my touch.” You want to recoil from his words, but your body betrayed you, leaning into him instead.

“Sean…” You repeated in a whimper every time he allowed you a moment to breathe, saying his name so sweetly as if it was a prayer of sorts. And maybe it was, as his hands finally rid you of your underwear, as he tossed it aside, and his fingers grazed you where you were most sensitive. A soft moan escaped your lips as Sean followed the delicate lines of your scars, hooded eyes watching as his fingers glided over your skin like a predator savoring its prey.

“Look at you,” he breathed, genuine admiration coloring his voice as he reveled in the way your body responded to his, “You’re perfect just like this.” The way he spoke was almost mocking, yet there was a dangerous allure in his tone that sent heat pooling between your legs.

Your breath hitched as his hands groped at tender skin, igniting fires in places you had long kept cold. Fingers were slow to push into you, experimentally curling against your gummy walls, movements becoming more confident once he found the spot that had your thighs quaking.

“You’re trembling. Does it feel that good?” He teased, scissoring his fingers in such a manner that forced a shuddery whine out of you. You couldn’t have mustered a coherent response if you wanted to, only a soft whimper escaping your lips as his fingers explored deeper. “Oh, come on now,” he taunted lightly. “Don’t tell me you’re shy all of a sudden.”

“ ‘m not shy,” you managed to stammer, though your voice betrayed you with its quiver. The sensation of his fingers worked their magic, drawing out sounds you didn’t even recognize were yours.

“Then let me hear how much you need this, need me.” He urged, eyes wide as if memorizing every single detail about you at this exact moment.

“Sean…” You moaned, the sound escaping before you could stop it as his fingers found that sensitive spot again, making you clench around him mindlessly. “That’s it,” He cooed, almost mocking you for how easily you’ve unraveled “I can hear it in your voice, Doe eyes. You’re just a little thing, all confused and needy,” he murmured, pumping his fingers in and out of your squelchy hole. "Fuck," you breathed, your voice barely above a whisper as he curled his fingers inside you, Abusing that spot over and over again.

Suddenly, when you’ve only just got into the rhythm he pulls his fingers out— Pulling a frustrated whine that he thinks you don’t even realize you were making. But when he pulls you flush against his own hips— Making you acutely aware of how he’s yet to take off his own pants, and even more aware of how hard he was, “Shit… You have no idea what listening to you whine and pant is doing to me Doe eyes.”

His breath came out in shaky bursts, the tension radiating between you like a live wire. “You’re such a good little pet, so eager for attention,” he murmured, his voice low and sultry as he pressed his hips against you, forcing you to feel the heat of him through the fabric that separated your bodies.

“Sean…” The plea slipped from your lips instinctively, filled with a mixture of fear and something else—something undeniably primal.

“God, I’ve wanted this since that first moment,” he confessed, his eyes darkening with desire as they roamed over you. He leaned closer, the warmth of his breath brushing against your ear. “To have you completely mine. And now… look at you.”

He pulls you into yet another kiss, one hand holding your hips firmly so that he can grind against them whilst the other picks up the previously forgotten hunting knife. Dragging the cool metal across your skin, creating shallow cuts in the skin of your stomach that had throbbed.

“You look so pretty like this,” he whispered, the knife lingering just above your navel. “Covered in your own blood, only for my eyes to see.” You felt the sharp sting of the knife as he pressed it deeper, a rush of mixed sensations flooding your senses. Pain and pleasure danced dangerously together, blurring the lines between fear and desire.

Sean pushes your shirt up past your chest, exposing the delicate scars that paint your skin. The knife, still pressed against the soft flesh of your stomach, drew another trail of blood; the warmth seeped downwards, over the crevices of your groin, pooling against the dips of your skin and where his hand rested.

“Such a mess,” he murmured, his fingers trailing through the crimson that glistened against your skin. He savored the sight, eyes darkening with a feral hunger that ignited a mix of fear and something else deep within you. “But it’s my mess now, isn’t it?”

“Sean…” Your voice trembled, barely even registering the tears that had been falling from your eyes. Tears that he kissed away, uncharacteristically tender as he shifted to free himself from the confines of his clothing. The warmth of his body pressed against yours felt electric, yet suffocating, as he slid closer, the knife still hovering perilously near your skin.

“I need you right now,” he whispered, positioning himself so that the tip of his hardness brushed against the slick heat of your core. “You’re mine and I’m yours. We’re connected in ways that no one else can comprehend.” His breath was ragged, filled with an urgency that made your heart race in time with the pounding in your ears.

The touch of the knife against your skin sent a shiver through your body, but it was quickly replaced with a sharp gasp as Sean finally entered you. He groaned into your neck as he filled you, his grip tightening on the knife in his hand. You could feel the blade digging into your skin, leaving uneven gashes on your chest, but strangely, it only added to the pleasure.

It’s a little startling at how gentle he is with you, breathing thick and heavy, brows slightly furrowed in thought as he carefully watched your pained expression, his own body trembling with the effort of holding back. After a tense moment of silence, he slowly pulled his hips back, and thrust again, stuffing you to the hilt, forcing a ragged moan out of your lips.

“O—oh fuck,” He groaned, watching with sick fascination at the way his cock seemed to shine with not only your arousal but your blood. "You're so tight," he moaned, his hips rolling in a delicious rhythm that had your toes curling against the comforter. "God, I've waited for this for long… Imagined it in so many different ways.” He punctuated his words with a particularly harsh thrust that made you squeal, nails digging into the fabric of the bed beneath you— the off-white color now stained red with your blood.

“More,” You whined, rocking your hips back into his own as he thrust into you again, the wet slaps of skin meeting skin filled the silence of the dimly lit room. “More,” you gasped again, the word like a prayer on your lips as if calling out for salvation in this twisted sanctuary.

He leaned forward to capture your lips in a kiss, holding your hips with such a tight force you were sure bruises were to bloom later on. But despite the pain, the sting of cuts rubbing against sweated skin, the mind-numbing pleasure of finally letting go was enough to drown out reason. You melted into him, abandoning the remnants of resistance that clung desperately to your thoughts.

“Does that feel good?” Sean asked between kisses, rocking his hips against yours—pathetic whines and moans spilling from your lips that he eagerly lapped up. His voice was low and gravelly as he buried himself deeper within you. Each stroke jolts your body forward before his hands dragged you back down onto his cock.

You managed to nod, speaking feeling like a distant memory as pleasure took the forefront of your mind. You couldn’t think straight, your thoughts muddled with each thrust that sent waves of heat radiating through you. “Y-yes,” you rasped, wrapping your legs around his waist, spurring him on to go deeper.

A request he gladly indulged in, shifting the way he held your hips up so he could plunge further into your sopping hole, embarrassing squelches made each time your hips connected with his pelvis. The knot in your stomach grew tighter with each rhythmic thrust that left you gasping for air.

Sean's grip on the knife tightened, and you felt a new wave of fear course through you as the blade bit deeper into your skin. "Tell me that you love this- fuck, please say that you love me—”

"I-I... Love you," you stuttered, the words barely able to leave your mouth before he kissed you again, smiling against your lips as if you had screamed it from the rooftops. "I love you Doe Eyes, I love you so much" He mumbled through the kiss, his hips picking up the pace as he drove himself into you with a fervor that bordered on desperation.

Doe Eyes is a pet name he had given you and no matter how much you hated it, hearing it now felt oddly comforting. “S-Sean, I love you too,” you gasped out, your fingernails digging into his shoulder as you teetered on your own orgasm. Grinding your hips up against him in an attempt to make it come sooner, especially when you could feel the way his hips stutter, grip around you tighter than before.

“M’ Gon—Gonna cum,” You whimpered against his lips, tears streaming down your face. And you couldn’t even tell if they were from plain or the overwhelming mix of emotions raging within you.

“Then cum f’ me, show me how much you love me.”

You didn't need any more encouragement. With a broken whimper, you came undone, your entire body tensed around him. Shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over you. He groaned out your name like a prayer as he found his own release, his movements becoming uncoordinated and erratic. Pulling out just before he came to cover you with his cum, pearly whites decorating the bloody mess your stomach has become.

The ache in your body—part from the rough treatment, part from the bliss of the high—was all-consuming. You couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of satisfaction even as your mind raced with the reality of what had just transpired.

“Look at you,” he murmured, his breath warm against your ear, “so beautiful, so perfect.” He brushed a thumb over the fresh marks he left on your skin, a mix of blood and sweat painting coating his thumb “I should probably get you into a bath now,” He hummed, shifting subjects “Don’t want you to get an infection after all.”

You tried to respond, but the words lodged in your throat, heavy and unyielding. The haze of pleasure lingered like a fog, making it hard to process what had just happened.

“Don’t worry, Doe Eyes,” he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss with a tenderness you weren’t used to against your forehead. “I’ll take care of you.”

[griefabyss69]

Grief's September Sextravaganza Masterlist

I thought I'd put my @steddiesmuttyseptember fics all in one post! I'm very proud of all of them so consider this post is a fridge and the little bullet points are magnets. (I know two of them are out of order but I wanted to put the sequel right under the first fic in its series!)

Benighted [ AO3 ] Eddie gets his best friend Steve to help him make his performance a little… more interesting. Week One: Service Dom WC: 2,447 | Rated: E | CW: Secret exhibitionism, semi-public sex

Quiet Nights [ AO3 ] When Eddie and Steve get stranded by the side of the road, Eddie jokes about how they could fill their time until morning. Steve takes him up on it. Week Two: Soft and Slow, Backseat, Clothes On WC: 7,771 | Rated: E | CW: Semi-public sex, mentions of drunk sex with a past lover, mentions of recent argument

Thunderous Evenings [ AO3 ] Eddie had thought that the car sex was the height of how good things with Steve could get—Steve proves him wrong, even as Eddie proves to Steve that getting fucked can feel great! SEQUEL TO QUIET NIGHTS Week Four: Slap, Loud WC: 11,318 | Rated: E | CW: In content notes of author's summary on ao3 (nothing major)

Patterns in the Ivy [ AO3 ] Steve needs something to help him as he tries not to drown under all of his assignments. It turns out the guy who used to be Hawkin's pot dealer ended up at the same college as him, and he's hotter than ever. Week Three: Rough, Lingerie, Aftercare, Sneaking Around | WC: 6K | Rated: E | CW: Public sex, implied/referenced drug usage (weed), Eddie is a drug dealer, mentions of Steve's parents being terrible

Silence Awakened [ AO3 ] Maybe Eddie shouldn't have goaded Steve so much, but... he wasn't expecting him to react like this, so it's not really his fault, is it? Week Five: Degradation, Impact, Silent, Full WC: 6054 | Rated: E | CW: Dubcon (Elaborated in author's note on ao3), Under-negotiated kink

[ashintheairlikesnow]

now i’m craving streetkid chris waaaaa

if you have some time and energy, could you be persuaded to perhaps write some streetkid chris with jake and the safehouse? i’ve never stopped needing comfort for him

CW: Heavily internalized ableism, referenced past dubcon and noncon, some internal dehumanization, referenced drug use

(Street kid Chris au pieces here and here)

-

He sobers up, more or less, on the bus ride out of the center of the city, his forehead resting against the cool glass window. It's all a blur that moves through and around him, steel and concrete shifting to grass and trees and little houses placed next to each other like a child's toys.

Baldur hides a smile, imagining a giant toddler hand lining the houses up one by one by one by one, picking doll families to live in the little doll houses. Giant baby god giving this family a dog and this family a goldfish and that one a pretty boy like Baldur to do everything they say-

A laugh catches in his throat, dies there with the chill of sudden grief. What is his Sir doing? Is he at home with some new pet, playing games? Was Baldur replaced that quickly?

Of course he was. He was never special, never really very good even. Pretty, until he got too old. Stupid statue-boy trying and trying to hold still and never winning any of Sir's games. Sir would've ordered someone else right away.

He's probably forgotten about Baldur by now.

His throat tightens even more, heat stinging his eyes, but Baldur fights it back. The only thing worse than his wrong words and his wrong hands is when he cries, of course. Sir always says-

But Sir doesn't want him any longer, isn't there to tell him never to cry and then play games and hurt him until he does it anyway.

"Hey." Kauri, sitting next to him, must catch something in the shift of movement in his throat when he swallows or the stare of his glassy green eyes. "What's up, buttercup? You need some water? I know coming down always makes me so thirsty I could scream."

Baldur shakes his head, curling up as best he can, pulling his knees to his chin with his heels pressed against the edge of the seat, pushing the dirty soles of his shoes against the cushioned fabric. "No thank you," He whispers. "I... I'm fine."

"Yeah, yeah. I've heard that before - or I guess I should say that I've said that before. And you know what, Chris? Never once was I actually fine. So. Here." Kauri holds a bottle of water out, shaking it a little as if trying to lure a stray cat with a can of tuna. "Come on, have a drink. It'll help hold off the headache, I swear."

Baldur's fingers are shaking when he takes the bottle, and it takes three tries to get the cap open, but the water is cool and clean on his tongue and down his throat, and before he realizes it the bottle is half empty, his chest feels cold on the inside as the water trickles through him, and he's gasping for breath.

Kauri's smile is soft, gentle, only a little sad. "There we go. Keep working on it, okay? Hydration is the best defense against hangovers, not that I ever take my own advice. But it is still excellent advice."

By the bus reaches a stop that Kauri declares is theirs, he's had all the water and it's an empty bottle he stashes in his backpack. He can refill it at the first sink he sees, have something he doesn't have to beg for or fuck for to drink later on.

Baldur steps off the bus and into a neighborhood right out of TV.

Houses line the street on either side, and Baldur stares at old trees that rise over his head, dappling the ground with shade that blocks some of the heat of the sun. The air smells like grass, and there's a drone from somewhere nearby that he realizes must be a lawn mower, a sound he's only heard from Sir's windows while watching the landscapers work far, far below.

There's a fence around the yard next to them - a white fence, even, with chips of peeling paint. Baldur moves to it, reaching out and letting his fingertips brush the rough wood, one nail scratching at a bit of paint coming free. He doesn't hear himself humming, low and tuneless, repeating over and over, until Kauri pops back into view in the corner of his eye.

"You never seen a fence before?" Kauri teases, but then Baldur flinches back and away and watches Kauri's smile falter, briefly, before it determinedly returns. "Sorry. I scared you, huh?"

"I'm fine," Baldur says too fast, realizing too late that he isn't answering the question Kauri asked - either of them. The blush heats his cheeks and he turns away, jamming his hands in his pockets as hard as he can, hunching his shoulders. "Fine. I'm... I'm fine."

The word sounds good in his mouth. Soothes his mind. He opens his mouth to say it again, fine fine fine - but Baldur catches himself this time. He can't repeat words he hears, that's wrong. Can't stammer, that's wrong. Can't move, or sway, or use his hands - wrong.

All wrong.

"Right. Well, come on. The house is this way." Kauri walks a little ways away, then looks back over his shoulder. Baldur hurries to catch up, keeping himself hunched. The weight of his backpack is familiar and comforting, all his things in there. The usual headache when the pills wear off teases around the edge of his mind, but it doesn't take hold. Maybe Kauri was right about the water.

Kauri talks, chatting brightly. His hands move constantly, in gestures and emphasis, and Baldur keeps staring at it. Sir would have slapped his hands if he moved them so much, but Kauri doesn't even notice he does it.

The house has people there like them, Kauri explains, although not like them like them, just - other pets. Domestics, mostly. The woman who runs the house, like the shelters Baldur has stayed at but they won't make him pray.

"Trust me," Kauri reassures, "I wouldn't stay there if they did. I've traded a bed and some food for having to go to their church and let them tell me what a bad boy I am enough for one lifetime, thank you. Sinners have more fun, anyway." He winks, and Baldur blinks back at him. "The last time I stayed at one, the pastor hit on me. The very, very married pastor. Which goes to show you - when you are as good in bed as I am, even God doesn't measure up."

Baldur swallows. He should say something - something witty. Kauri seems to have things to say about everything, all of the time, but Baldur's mind is still slow from the pills, even though he's sobering up. He can't think of anything except to say, "Really?"

"Really." Kauri's smile is bright, flash of sun off the hood of a car blinding but with something about it that seems cracked, too. "Once we get there, I'll make introductions. But I promise, everybody is nice."

"... Nice," Baldur murmurs. Nobody is, not really, in his experience. Everybody takes something in return for every bit of nice they offer. Everybody sees his barcode and knows they can do whatever they want to him, and then they do. And if he's lucky it's only to make him eat food that makes him feel sick, or talk to him about how he's walking a dark path, as if there has ever been a lighter one. Or sometimes they tell him to go lay down on the bed-

"We're here!" Kauri's voice cuts into Baldur's thoughts, and he looks up.

In front of him there's a two-story house with white siding, flat-faced with windows that look down on him like eyes. There's a porch with chairs on it, and sitting in one of them is a tall, thin man with a mess of dark hair and sharp, dark almost-feline eyes. He's fiddling with something in his hands, but when he sees them he shoves whatever it was into his pocket and quickly stands.

Baldur hesitates - but Kauri moves right up the overgrown path, flat stones half-covered by grass and weeds. "Hey, Ant! I brought someone."

"I see this," The man says, in a smooth, accented voice. He sounds like velvet. Baldur looks at him, trying to think. Just a blowjob, probably. Easy. Baldur has traded those for lots of things. He barely has to do anything, once they grab his head. "Kauri-"

"Oh, wipe that worry off your face, Antoni, he's one of us." Kauri waves a hand back at Baldur, then grabs at his arm to pull him forward. "I brought him to meet Nat and Jake. Chris, this is Antoni. Antoni, this is Chris."

Antoni looks at him, then turns and silently heads back into the house.

Baldur swallows, shifting to half-hide himself behind Kauri. "... he doesn't... like me."

"Nah, Antoni's just kind of a mood killer professionally. He's a softie once you get to know him, I promise." Kauri half-drags him up the steps and through the front door, into an entryway that has a pile of coats abandoned on a coat rack, shoes on a mat. The house smells like something cooking, and Baldur's mouth waters, his stomach twisting as it remembers how to feel hungry and not just emptied-out and light. "Jake! Hey, Jake!"

"Jake's out," A woman's voice says. Baldur stares as an older woman pops her head in. She has brown hair with bits of gray in it in a braid that lays over one shoulder, a flannel shirt over a t-shirt and ancient jeans, and a soft smile ringed in laugh lines that crinkles at the corners and near her eyes.

She's beautiful.

"Who's this?" The woman looks from him to Kauri, with curiosity - not trepidation, not worry, and not anger. "You brought someone by?"

"Yeah. This is, uh, this is Chris. He's one of us. Chris, this is Nat. She feeds me sometimes."

"Love that description." Nat's voice is wry with good humor, and she steps forward, holding out her hand. "I have hobbies, too, you know. Hello, Chris. I'm Nat, and this is my house. I help runaways from WRU start over."

He stares at her outstretched hand, then back at her, before hesitantly shaking. His grip is limp compared to hers, but she doesn't say anything about it. "I-... I thought... you were... a man."

"No, that's Jake," Kauri corrects him. "He insists on having a life outside of waiting for my beautiful ass to show back up, so we'll see him later."

"... Okay." Baldur studies the woman - Nat - thoughtfully. Then he offers, "I can... do women, too."

Nat's expression changes - so subtly he can't tell what the change is. But he sees it. Baldur knows how to tell when the mood of a room goes sour, to try to protect himself. "Romantic," She murmurs. "I see. Kauri-"

"Don't say he can't come here," Kauri interrupts, bristling, and Baldur stares at him in open terror as his heart drops to his knees. He's angry at one of them. Baldur didn't know you could do that. "He's got as much a right as anybody else does, and you let me come here, and he could use the help, Nat, so don't you dare-"

"Kauri. Hey." Nat puts her hands up, as if surrendering in a fight. "That's not what I was gonna say. I was going to say, Kauri, how about you set him a place at the table for dinner. Okay?"

Kauri's jaw is set, and it takes him a moment to stop looking ready to keep up the argument that isn't even happening. "I-... yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll do that. Just-... Nat, you know that a lot of places won't-"

"I know. It's okay, honey. It really is okay. Just go get him set up. And you." Nat smiles at Baldur, and he tries to see the mean she's hiding, but it isn't there. Too buried underneath a kind face, maybe. Baldur can't imagine there just isn't any cruelty there at all. "We take all kinds here, and you're welcome. No one touches you here, and I'd prefer if you kept your hands to yourself at first."

Those words don't mean anything. The shelters say that a lot, too, but Baldur still wakes up to a hand over his mouth and a voice whispering to him to be quiet sometimes when he sleeps in one. He'll find out the real cost of staying here at some point.

But he'll find out with food in his stomach, and that's worth something.

"Yes, ma'am," He murmurs, looking up and around at the high ceiling in the entryway, carpet-covered stairs that curve up and disappear around an angle. Bookshelves, and off to one side the corner of a living room with a TV playing.

"Just Nat is fine. Kauri?"

"Got it." Kauri gives a mocking, if still friendly, salute. It makes Baldur smile - but he hides it behind his serious face when he sees Nat look at him. "I'll get him settled in. Maybe we'll stay over tonight? If that seems like a good idea, if not-"

"It sounds great."

Baldur watches her go, heading up the stairs - that creak as she walks, giving away the house's age. Wondering what she'll want him to do later on, to pay for the food, to earn the bed he'll sleep in.

He has more pills in his pocket. He can take some, and drift through whatever staying here costs, let his body and training do all the work. He's done it before, over and over again.

He'll always have to do it again, sooner or later.

When Kauri takes his hand again, he lets himself be led.

He doesn't notice the dark-haired man, Antoni, watching him from a doorway as Baldur digs out two small pills and swallows them dry while following Kauri into the kitchen.