#recurring reblog discussion

[verpineshatterrifle]

i'm gradually putting in effort to learn actual linguistic terms and stuff (via podcasts for... time reasons...sob..) but thanks, i'm sure i'll end up asking for elaboration!

OOHH new spreadsheet with notes be still my heart

i love that it's developed into a conlang with different dialects, and i think reflects what probably happens in-universe anyways, given that mando'ade are spread out across an entire galaxy, and habitually adapt with other cultures and frequently adopt in adults who are coming into mando'a as a second language and then making up a pretty significant part of the language base. so it's like... not a problem perse that every single person who tries to actually use mando'a is going to do it differently, i just vastly prefer actually talking to people and seeing what works and what words we need

i really love your take on building on the language and not treating it as a logic puzzle, which is why i think i have bad experience with debating- it gets treated exactly like a logic puzzle a lot

i think kyor is a great idea, but the thing is, if you tell me your injury has rot, i'm not going to assume it has puss, i'm going to think that you mean that it has gangrene or has gone necrotic. so i think mando'ade would absolutely use kyor to describe an advanced infection, as a culture where serious injuries are common, but it still doesn't do it for me for 'puss'

I’ve seen lots of people use haveyir, ‘to guide,’ presumably backformed form jehavey’ir, ‘to ambush.’

But I don’t think jehavey’ir means “to lead astray.” I think it’s “to falsely lie in wait.” As in, the same root as haav, ‘bed.’

Change my mind!

[gracieheartspedro]

For Cryin’ Out Loud

pairing: post-outbreak! joel miller x afab! reader

how to help the palestinians and what it means to write for the last of us characters

word count: 7.9k

description: living with joel is complicated, especially when you can’t sleep due to nightmares. when you find yourself in his bed, you can’t help yourself. but joel sure can. give him a day to mull it over.

warnings: pretty slow burn, kinda forced proximity, kinda angsty, unspecified age gap (don’t like it, don’t read it), joel gives you tons of nicknames (darlin’, kiddo, etc.), discussions of nightmares and possible mental illnesses, some fluff, reader isn’t really described, joel is kinda a gaslighter, he’s also a bit pervy, unprotected p in v (wrap it y’all), oral (f! receiving), dirty talk, joel like worships you!!!!!, joel licks his fingers clean, giving genitalia pronouns, joel’s a big boy. think that’s it. lemme know what I missed!

author’s note: I really enjoyed writing this. the idea is pretty simple but I love domestic jackson!joel. I promise i’ll try to switch it up soon and write something that isn’t jackson!era lol. support your fav fics by reblogging and commenting!! thanks love ya <3

For some reason, you always find yourself standing at the threshold of the front door when you cannot sleep. 

The air was especially brisk tonight. You wrapped yourself in a gray chunky sweater you found in the lost and found in Jackson’s thrift store, hoping to regain some warmth. Your bed may have been comfortable, but it was the place where nightmares usually plagued you. 

It was too late to be awake, and you knew that if you were caught, you would hear it from Joel. He always reprimanded you. Every time he caught you up late, it was like your father woke up and found your hand in the cookie jar. 

The dynamic between you two had changed since arriving in Jackson, and you almost resented him for it. When it was just you, him, and Ellie, you were managing a family unit. Joel was always the protective father, you being the mom or the voice of reason, and Ellie being chaos. 

When Ellie and Joel’s relationship shifted, he took on a fatherly role for you. It bothered you. A lot. 

In a moment of contemplation, you hear footsteps coming down the steps behind you. 

He’s wearing flannel pajama pants and no shirt, his hairy tummy something you did not see often. 

“What are you doing awake?” He questions, his voice groggy with a twinge of annoyance. 

You do not feel like explaining yourself, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to get out of this situation without a justification. 

You huff, leaning your back against the door frame so you can get a full look at the broad man. “Can’t sleep. Thought staring into the darkness would help.”

He grunts, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “How’s that workin’ for you, sweetheart?”

You could not close your eyes without the haunting dreams that seemed lively and so real. Every night, you had the same recurring ones. You were being chased, hunted, or murdered. Or all of the above. You would wake in a cold sweat, not wanting to shut your eyelids ever again. 

“Hm,” You say, staring back outside for a brief moment, “‘Was better when you weren’t looking over my shoulder.”

He chuckles, “Get back to bed.”

“I can’t, Joel.”

“You can and will. You’re no good when you’re tired.”

“If I close my eyes, Joel, I will just have the same goddamn nightmares I have every night. And I will end up doing what I’m doing now, which is trying to get some fresh air to forget them.”

“You’re not gonna forget ‘em with some fresh air. You just need to… get over them.”

The breeze picks up as soon as he says it, almost like the world knew the tension would have to be broken with some frigid air. You retort with, “And how do you get over yours?”

"I just accept them," he says, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "I don't have time to dwell on them. There's always more important things to worry about."

"I'm more tired in the morning when I just endure them." You explain, trying not to cry about it. But you are so sick of them. The same thing every night.

“I get it. One day they will subside, I’m sure of it. But for now, you gotta-”

You just want him to shut up. At the same time, your mind is trying to remember the last time you did not have a nightmare. The memory makes your stomach churn. “You remember that one time we were forced to share that sleeping bag? Back in Pittsburgh?”

“Yeah,” His tone was wary, “What about it?”

"That was the first night I didn't have it." You explain, your voice a bit shaking at the insinuation. You don’t want to face the fact that Joel, the man that you have known for going on 10 years, kept your nightmares at bay. The same man who continuously rejected you and told you that he was old enough to be your dad. The same man that told you no, I don’t like you like that. I never will. That Joel. 

“And? Why are you bringing this up now?”

"Because every night I go to my bed and I'm forced to face them alone. When you were there... they didn't even bother holding my mind hostage.”

He took another step closer, closing some of the distance between you two. He towers over you and you can’t help but stare up at him in awe. Joel has always been a complicated part of your life. You consider him your sexual awakening, honestly, but he will never ever know that. Over the years, he’s only gotten more handsome. 

But now, he has a curious expression written all over his face.

"Are you saying you want to share a bed with me?" he asks, his voice gruff and low.

You suck in a deep breath, not wanting to answer. You knew that was stepping over a boundary for Joel. He liked his space. He didn’t like you impeding on that space, especially. Your bedroom was the furthest away from his for a reason.

"I don't know." You manage to say.

Joel's gaze darkened, his expression was completely unreadable. You wish you could read his mind, but you should be grateful you can not. 

Because in Joel’s mind, he’s trying to formulate a way to convince you to stay away from him altogether. The wall he has built over the last decade was intentional. He did not want to hurt you any further. He already knew you had feelings for him, but he was an old man. He did not want to drag you into his mess, all the baggage he carried. He looked after you, he shared a home with you, and that’s it. Strictly platonic. 

He shifted on his feet a little, unable to tear his eyes away from you. You shook like a little leaf.

"You don't know?" he repeated, his voice a low rumble.

You nod, "I don't know if I want that."

You do want that. But you want more, too. You knew you would be playing with fire. You would just be disappointed. 

Joel’s temptations are buried deep but they still fester every now and again. Some days he would catch a glance at you getting dressed in the crack of your door and have to take a cold shower. As soon as he felt those emotions bubble in his chest, he would try to distract himself. Maybe he would take a longer patrol. Maybe he would go to the Tipsy Bison and try to find a woman to take home. That one never really worked. 

“Well, what do you want then? Because standin’ at the door and letting all the cold air in ain’t gonna work for me or you.”

You look down at your picked-over fingernails and contemplate your next sentence. You don't want to be heartbroken in the morning when you wake up and he's there sleeping peacefully next to you and you're not... his.

"I want to sleep with you."

Joel was not expecting such a blunt response from you, but he appreciated you not beating around the bush about it. He gestures for you to step out of the doorway so he can shut the door, which you do. 

He looked down at you, his eyes raking over your face, taking in the exhaustion and uncertainty. 

"You sure?" he asked, his voice a gruff whisper.

You just nod as he locks the front door. You couldn’t believe you were doing this. 

Joel couldn’t believe it either. Maybe it was the tiredness or the instincts he felt to protect you, but he was not mad at the idea of sharing his bed with you. 

You signal for him to go upstairs, “You lead the way.”

-

Joel’s room was always off-limits to you. So when you step into his small little world, you take it all in. 

The artwork around the room was mainly nature landscapes. He had a big dresser right at the room's entrance with picture frames of Sarah, Ellie, and other family members. You were even included in one photo—a picture of you and him on some horses from last year. 

A shirt littered one side of the bed, so you took that as it was probably his side. Unfortunately for you, it was the right side. You felt a pang of guilt realizing you would probably end up restlessly lying in Joel’s bed if you were stuck on the left. 

Before he can pull back the blanket for himself, you stop him. 

“Uh, can I sleep on that side?”

He completely halts in his motions, turning his head towards you with a blank expression. “My side? Why?”

You lick your lips, already regretting this whole thing. 

“Because I have had this superstition since I was a kid that I could only sleep on the right side of the bed."

Joel wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. He can tell you are at war in your head about the question, your expression practically anticipating his rejection. 

"Superstitions, huh?" he said, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips."You and your weird beliefs."

You watch as he crosses to the other side of the bed and lifts the blanket. Is he actually letting you have his side? Maybe he doesn’t hate you. 

“You could also call it a compulsion, but superstitions seem more fun and less like a mental illness.”

He laughs this time, his deep chuckle making you feel a bit more relaxed about the situation. You did not feel like a burden as much. You walk to the right side and pull back his navy blue sheets and blanket. The spot looks warm and inviting so when you crawl in next to Joel, you start to realize that you’re back in the same situation you were in years ago in that sleeping bag. He was so close and warm and you wanted nothing more but for him to hold you and keep you comfortable.

But then another thing came to mind before you could imagine his arms around you. 

You usually sleep on your right side or back, but now you don't know what to do because you didn't know how Joel slept.

"Do you sleep on your side or back?"

Joel studies you as you fidget beside him, your uncertainty causing him to smirk slightly. It was almost endearing, seeing you be completely out of control of your surroundings. He remembers back when you were traveling with him you had an obsessive need to straighten up everything before you fell asleep. You had to roll yourself up in your sleeping bag the same way every night. 

"Usually on my back," he said finally. "But I can sleep on my side, too."

You swallow, trying to picture yourself sleeping. For some reason you felt the urge to have control of the situation, dictating exactly how he has to sleep, too. "Can I... I'll sleep on my side if you can sleep on your back? Is that okay?"

Joel had to suppress a smirk at your request. You knew he was trying to hold back a snarky remark. Instead, he surprises you.

"Sure, you can sleep on your side," he agreed, shifting his body weight onto his back, "’n I'll sleep on my back. No big deal."

You turn to face him, tucking the pillow further under your head. You can tell his eyes are heavy from exhaustion. You know it's time to shut up, to go to sleep, but you feel the need to say something else to him. Sometimes your brain concocts questions and statements and you know you shouldn’t say them, but your mouth betrays you.  

"When was the last time you had a girl in your bed?"

Why the fuck would you ask that? You think to yourself. It fell out of your mouth like drool.

Joel's eyes widened at your blunt question, surprise and a hint of embarrassment coloring his expression. You knew he was probably just expecting you to lay here next to him, maybe roll around a bit, then sleep. But instead, it’s an interrogation.

He took a deep breath, his mind rattling around as he tried to think of a response. He didn't want to admit what his genuine answer was to you, but he too could not help himself.

"Why do you want to know that?" he asks, his voice steely.

You hate that he even responded because now you needed to defend yourself.

"I uh, don't know. I don't know why it matters."

Joel chuckled softly, noting that you probably just had a case of word vomit. You always told him you were infamous for putting your foot in your mouth, especially in awkward situations.

"Curiosity got the better of you, huh?" he asks, rubbing his face with his hands. “You just can’t help yourself, sweetheart.”

He shifted slightly, rolling onto his side to face you, his gaze studying your expression.

You smirk, grateful that he's letting it slide. When he turns onto his side and he's at eye level with you, your face drops a bit. He is ruining the vision in your head. He’s throwing a wrench in your plans.

"You're supposed to be on your back, sir."

Joel couldn't help but chuckle softly at your comment. He knew he was supposed to be on his back, but the new angle allowed him to see you better in the faint moonlight.

"Don't worry," he said, a hint of humor in his voice. "I'll turn back over in a minute. Just... enjoying the view for a bit."

You roll your eyes, lifting your hands from under the covers and lightly hitting his arm. You knew he was just fucking with you now. 

"Okay, for that, I want to know the answer to my stupid question."

Joel let out a low laugh, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. He shook his head, amused by your persistence. You start to think about it and you have never really seen him bring anyone home. Maybe it had been a very long time and he was embarrassed. 

"Alright, alright," he said, a hint of resignation in his voice. "Last time I had a girl in my bed..."

He paused for a moment, his eyes dropping to the covers, his mind racing to find the right words.

"Go on..."

Joel took another deep breath, his voice dropping even lower as he spoke.

"It's been a long time, kiddo," he admitted, his voice pierced with a bit of shame. "Almost ten years, if I'm being honest."

Your eyes widen in surprise. "No way... You've never just... got it on with someone in bed?"

Joel's face flushed with embarrassment at your blunt question, a mix of shock and slight irritation flashing across his eyes.

"Jesus, you really don't hold back, do ya?" he muttered. He shifts a bit, trying to get comfortable in a different way. He hadn't expected the conversation to turn so personal, so quickly and he did not want to face you anymore. He was mortified. 

You mentally slap yourself in the face.

"I'm sorry, I am just tired and delusional. Uh, you don't have to answer that."

Joel could practically feel the humiliation radiating off you and he too felt the exact same way. You knew how to add to an already awkward situation.

"No, no, it's fine," he reassured you, his voice a bit gentler now. "I get it. You're tired, and your filter has taken a backseat."

"Yeah, exactly..."

He shifted on the bed, turning onto his back again, his gaze shifting to the ceiling, avoiding your curious stare.

You could not help but stare at his side profile. A prominent straight nose. His downturned lips are surrounded by some fine lines that show his age. He was a beautiful man now, but you can’t help but imagine him back in his 20s. He had to have been a hit with the ladies back then.

Joel could feel your gaze on him, studying his face. And while you were not scrutinizing him, he felt like a commodity in a museum or something.  He forced himself to keep his gaze on the ceiling, refusing to meet your eyes.

"So… ten years and no sex?”

You could seriously, not help yourself.

"Correct.” He grumbles, still not meeting your stare.

"Damn, Joel." You mutter, adjusting a bit to sit up a little more on your pillow. "I seriously thought you were sleeping around the whole time we have been in Jackson.”

He finally turns your way, a bit of offense on his face. “Why would you think that?”

You shrug, not wanting to insult him. But that’s how you formulated your grudge towards him. It was easy to just chalk everything up to problems with random women you have seen around town. 

“You just give off the energy…”

“What?”

You huff, laying back on the pillow. “I don’t know, Joel! I feel like when I’m around you all the ladies think you’re handsome. They stare.”

“They are staring because you’re always following me around and we aren’t married or… together. They think we are odd.” 

You had never heard such things around Jackson, but it does sort of make sense. Everyone was probably just confused because you two lived together but were not a couple. You can admit it is bizarre, but it just did not feel like an option any other way, in your mind. So Tommy gave you two a bigger house and you set up separate rooms. 

But in actuality, Joel secretly told Tommy that he did not want you too far from him. So when Tommy couldn’t give you any other houses nearby, Joel just told him that you two would be roommates.

“Well fuck ‘em.” You mutter, trying not to sound too offended by the thought of people gossiping about you two.

Joel just nods. You settle by tucking your arm under your pillow. You yawn, the exhaustion now taking over your body. You watch Joel grab a pair of reading glasses from the side table and a book. You decide not to bother him, especially because he probably wanted to just read himself to sleep instead of being interrogated by you any further.

You close your eyes and eventually fall asleep. The deeper you get, Joel notices how your breathing pattern changes. When he’s finally ready to get some shut-eye as well, he watches as your body crawls closer to him. Your arm swings over his stomach and rests on his forearm. He is so shocked he does not move a muscle. 

You adjust some more, not knowing what you are doing. Your leg creeps up and tucks right between his. You snuggle your face right into his chest. The only movement Joel decides to make is slinging his arm over your shoulders to pull you in tighter. 

It’s the first time in years that you two slept soundly, with no interruptions. No nightmares, no sudden intrusions, nothing. Silence and snores fill the room and that’s it.

-

When you wake up, it’s slow and gradual. Your brain hardly computes that you’re laying on top of Joel’s shirtless frame, until your hand runs across his warm tummy. 

You crook your neck up, looking at the handsome man you are spreading across. 

His lips are slightly ajar, letting out hardly-there snores. They are so pretty and pink and you cannot help but touch them with feather-like fingertips. You would feel so guilty waking him up-

His eyes slowly open taking notice of your actions even though you tried not to stir him. Your eyes fly open in shock, but he does not seem very annoyed. He smiles. 

“Mornin’ darlin’,” He says in a deep sleep-laced voice. You smile back at him, loving that he decided to call you the nickname you always got giddy over. You press your fingers into his chest before replying.

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

His hand comes up from your shoulders and tucks some hair behind your ear as he stares down at you, “That’s good kiddo. I’m glad you slept well.”

The intimacy is almost too much. The way this is how it would be if you woke up to Joel every morning. It sends your brain into overdrive and you force yourself to ruin it a bit.

“Woulda slept even better if you didn’t talk so much in your sleep.”

Joel froze for a moment, his cheeks immediately flushing pink with embarrassment. He sits up a bit more, adjusting to the brighter lighting in his room. He knew he had a problem with talking in his sleep. Ellie used to talk about it all the time. He dreaded hearing what he was saying while curled up next to you.

"Uh... what did I say?" he asked, trying to maintain his composure.

"Something about it felt so good to be pressed up against someone, I don't know..." 

You could not help yourself and started to laugh. You knew you were going to get a rise out of him. 

Joel's face flushed an even deeper shade of pink as you started to laugh, clearly amused by your joke. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, his mind racing as he tried to come up with an excuse. He was just dreaming, it was not about you. 

"W-what?" he spluttered out instead of making an excuse. "I didn't... I didn't say anything like that."

You have a shit-eating grin on your face and you press your hands on his chest to prop yourself up. You enjoyed watching him squirm.

Joel's eyes flickered down to your hands on his chest. He sickly thought they felt so right placed there. He imagined what you would look like fully mounting him. 

He tried to keep his expression neutral, but you could see through his stone-cold exterior.

"You're messing with me, aren't you?" he grumbled, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"Fully fuckin' with you." You giggle, hoping he is not really that mad at you. 

“You’re a brat.”

You move your foot slightly, running it up his leg. It sends shockwaves up his body, having you so close and moving around so seamlessly. 

"No, you said something about how beautiful, alluring, and incredible I am. Said I was the girl of your dreams…"

"Yeah, right," he said, a hint of playful sarcasm in his voice. "You expect me to believe that?"

"So, you don't believe me?"

"No, I don't believe you," he says, his voice stern but playful. "I think you're a dirty little liar, trying to play me for a fool."

"A dirty little liar, huh? Well, it's good to know that you don't think I'm beautiful, alluring, and incredible." You giggle at his acknowledgment, knowing he caught you red-handed.

"Oh, I never said that," he smirked, a hint of teasing in his voice. "You are all of those things, darlin’. But you're also a dirty little liar who likes to play games."

"So you think I'm beautiful?" You crack, the biggest smile painted on your face. You don’t even care that he’s calling you a liar because it does not matter. Joel thinks you are beautiful. 

“‘Course I do.”

You push yourself up onto your butt, sitting crisscross next to him. He secretly wishes you were still curled up on top of him. 

“You always this nice in the morning?” You ponder, your fingertips starting to toy with the hair on his stomach. He tries not to pay mind to it, letting you have full access to touch him. 

But it’s driving him insane. The way you look freshly woken up, completely enamored with the idea of him calling you beautiful. You have some puffiness under your eyes and your lips are more swollen than usual.

“I am always nice to you.”

You let out a scoff, “No, you’re not.”

He notices the shift in your tone and starts to get defensive, “Now you’re just lyin’.” 

Joel always loved to gaslight you in these situations. You knew better than to let him get away with it, especially now. “No there was that one time you told me you did not like me and that you would never like me. How you are old enough to be my dad-”

“Because I am!”

And there’s the wall. The only constant in you two’s relationship. He was so good at throwing it up when feelings were being expressed. When vulnerability was presented, Joel could not help but reject it. 

“And the world’s fuckin’ ended, Joel! Big deal!” You almost yell, moving your hands from him. 

Why does he already miss your hands?

He huffs, crossing his arms over his soft chest. “We have had this conversation for the last 10 years.’M not sure why we keep rehashing it.”

“And every time you turn me down it’s another fuckin’ stab in the heart.”

“You know why we can’t,” He practically growls. You can not stand to even look at him anymore with your bitterness and irritation taking over. 

“Whatever, Joel.” 

As soon as you say it, you’re already leaving his room and heading to your own. When you slam the door, you hope you have made your point. You want to scream and punch a hole in the wall, but instead you just furiously stomp around the room and grab your clothes. You had patrol at noon, so you needed to get to the mess hall before breakfast was over. You try not to cry as you strip down and get dressed.

Joel sits in bed, reeling. He hates that it has become a conversation every six months. He hated that rejecting you always sent you into a spiral of hating him for extended periods. It’s not that he did not want you, it was simply just not in the cards. He was too old to be in love. He was too old to play house with you. He just could not submit to the idea of leading you on, especially because you had so much more life to live. 

He finally works up the courage to get out of bed and put on some clothes. He opts for putting on his typical jeans and thick flannel. It was getting colder and he knew by the end of the winter, you would end up with half his flannels anyway, so he had to enjoy them while he had them. 

You storm downstairs, going to the back door for your boots when you spot him in the kitchen. 

“You got pat-”

“Yes.” You respond quickly, shoving your foot into your shoes. He stands behind you with a mug full of tea, watching your every move. 

“Who are you-”

“Jesse.”

He was asking his usual questions, which you were not in the mood to answer. 

“Hey, can you-”

You snap your head back at him, giving him the glare you gave him as a warning usually. By now, he takes it as a hint and backs off. But not this time. 

“Can I what?”

He rolls his eyes, “Can you fuckin’ not be a brat about this?”

You wish your glare came with knives. If that were the case, Joel Miller would be dead on his kitchen floor. 

You are so thrown off by the question that you just watch him get angrier when you do not respond. 

“Are you serious, right now?” You press, keeping your voice from cracking. 

He brings the mug up to his mouth, taking an obnoxious sip. When he pulls the mug away, you notice how steaming it is. “You always pull this shit-”

“No, you do! You do this shit to me every fuckin’ time, Joel. You sweet talk me, make me feel comfortable, have me lapping everything up in the palm of your hands, and then you snatch it away. Then have the audacity to get mad at me!”

You are yelling now and it is throwing him off. Joel knows better than to interrupt you like you do to him. You were the kind of person who would calm down if you felt heard. 

The way he knew you down to your core made this all so painful. Because if he was not so stubborn and true to his convictions, he would have fucked you the moment you touched his lips this morning. 

“I ain’t tryin’ to make this harder than-” “Too fuckin’ late.”

You think back to the moment last night when you knew you were going to hurt your own feelings by sleeping with him. You knew better, yet here you are, still blaming him for your stupidity.

He stands there, still holding his mug, staring you down like a wounded doe who got pierced with an arrow. He feels guilty like he misled you. Before he can say anything, you are lacing up your boots and leaving out the front door without another word. 

-

All day long, Joel wanders around the house trying to get rid of the pit in his stomach. Nothing works. A shower. Reading a book. Cutting wood. As soon as he tried to use laundry as a distraction, he reached into his hamper and found one of your t-shirts. He held it close and smelled it, trying to wrap his head around how he got here. 

You spend all day, silently fuming on horseback with Jesse. When he tries to get you to open up, you ice him out and tell him to focus on the trail in front of him. 

You get back by sundown, the sun setting making it a lot chiller than you expected. You decide to take the long way home, wanting to avoid being home for as long as possible. You were not ready to face Joel, let alone share a space with him. But unfortunately, during your patrol, you fell into some mud and needed a shower. The more time it spent on your clothes and body, the grosser you felt. 

You open the front door, announcing that you are home. It was a habit you and Joel developed after you both pulled guns on each other during late-night arrivals. 

You hear Joel mumble something from the living room, but you do not stop to listen and continue on your way upstairs to the bathroom. 

You strip down as soon as the door is closed, tossing your muddy clothing into a hamper in the corner. You would get them washed and hung as soon as you shower off. 

You hear Joel’s footsteps creaking around the upstairs hallway as you scrub your body with homemade soap and warm water. 

When you start to dry yourself off, you hear Joel grunting something in the hallway. You wrap yourself in a towel and peek your head out the door. He’s on his hands and knees wiping something off the hardwood. “What’s goin’ on?”

He looks up at you, your body only covered in a bleach-stained blue towel. It makes his head spin. He can’t even be mad that you tracked in mud. 

He swallows, gripping the cloth he’s using tighter. “You got mud everywhere.”

You step out, not even really thinking about the fact that you are not properly dressed in front of Joel. You were still mad at him, anyway. Who cares what he thinks?

“Sorry, I could’ve cleaned it up.”

He returns to wiping the wood, “It’s fine, I got it, kiddo.”

You accept his response and move on to your room, but the draft you leave behind drifts to Joel’s nostrils. Your soap smells like lavender and it always sends his mind racing when you are fresh from a shower. He clears his throat, trying to get through the emotions filling his chest. 

But it’s been like this all day. You’re all around him even when you’re not physically here. How can he get away from you? Why is he trying to run in the first place?

He’s on his knees in your hallway, cleaning up your mess, sniffing the air you leave behind because he’s fucking in love with you and he cannot help himself anymore. 

Joel starts to think about how peaceful he felt having you next to him last night and how he would love to feel that way every night. For once he’s not thinking about what everyone else would think. For once he’s thinking selfishly and caving into every desire he has ever pondered about you. How would you feel under him? How would your lips feel pressed against his pulse point? 

His body was on fire, thinking about you. 

You are fiddling with some clothes in your dresser after you flick on the overhead light. You do not hear him come into your room behind you. 

You are so wrapped up in your own thoughts that when he clears his throat to announce he’s in your room, you scream. Loud. 

“For cryin’ out loud, woman!” 

You grip your towel tighter when you turn and see him standing at your mercy. 

“Joel, what the fuck?” You yell, gesturing to the fact that you are practically naked. He does not care, of course, and his ears are ringing from your piercing scream. He gathers himself as you shift back, trying to create some distance from him.

He is trying not to gawk at the fact that your grip on the towel against your chest is only pushing up your cleavage. He’s biting back everything. “Can we talk?”

“Talk about what? The fact you crept into my room when I was trying to change? Are we past boundaries now?” 

You are pissed, trying not to rattle off another million things to discuss with him. He’s only really talking about one thing. 

He scoffs at your last statement. “Boundaries were already out the window when you crawled into bed with me last night.”

Silence fills the room as you completely stop breathing. The anger you originally felt dissipates. 

“Joel-“

“I ain’t doin’ this back and forth anymore,” He starts shifting in his spot, unsure if he really should be doing this. “I can’t live how I've been livin’. Somethin’s gotta give.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused. 

“You are the one who won’t give, Joel.”

As soon as you say it, he practically drags himself over to you. Completely destitute. You have never seen him look so desperate before. You can tell that he’s been at war with himself ever since you left this morning. His eyes never lied.

His hand creeps up your bare arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. 

But then you remember his words from this morning. You start feeling like this is just a moment of weakness for him and that he will regret it later. You had to stop it before it was too late. You did not want to deal with the consequences. 

“Joel, you said we can’t-”

“Fuck what I said,” He cuts you off, “Do you want this?”

You stare into those brown eyes, searching for a sign of hesitance. You cannot believe Joel is being this vulnerable with you. 

But, you do want him. God, you have wanted him so badly for so long. You have searched for him in every man you have ever been with since knowing him. 

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. He takes note of your parted lips, every word failing you at that moment.

“Darlin’-”

“Yes,” You finally manage. “Yes, I do want this.”

It’s all he needs. He closes the gap between you two by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his space. His lips crash onto yours, not wasting another breath of air waiting to indulge in his sickest fantasies. 

You are all Joel ever dreamed about. He knew that once he caved and physically gave in, his world would be shot and everything would revolve around you. For years it had been a teetering object on a cliff, one nudge would have him falling. He always managed. But now, he was falling head first. 

His lips move so perfectly with your own. Your hand released your towel and found the tufts of his curls at the base of his head. You did not care that the article pooled around your feet, leaving you completely bare in front of Joel. You have wanted this all along. To be uncovered, to be stripped down to the rawest form. He broke the kiss briefly just to scan your naked body, his forehead pressed against your own. 

“Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

Your heart stutters as his hand traces your stomach down to your hips, all the way down to your ass. He stops there, grabbing a handful. 

“I need you,” You choke out before pressing your lips to his over and over again. “Right now.”

He mumbles “jump” into your mouth and you do so, his hands working quickly to hike you up onto his waist. He carries you to your bed, wasting no time dropping you onto your back. 

He cannot get enough of your soft, swollen lips. Every time he pulls away slightly, he dives in again even more aggressively than the last time. 

You are so hypnotized by the way he feels on top of you. In the light, he seems so much broader than he was last night. He’s still fully clothed, to your dismay. You start to tug at his shirt, motioning him to remove the articles that are in your way. 

He throws off his shirt before he stands up at the edge of the bed and pushes down his jeans. 

“Joel… I-“

He just shuts you up with another passionate kiss. It’s all tongue and teeth like he’s trying to melt into your mouth. Your hands trail up his back, gripping onto his shoulders, holding him down so he is pressing against your nude body. 

“God, I have wanted this for so long,” He sputters, trying not to sound too desperate. “Been wanting this.”

That’s when his hand reaches down between your thighs and gathers the wetness your slit has to offer. His fingers dance across it, starting from the top all the way to your spongy entrance. 

“Please, Joel.”

He loves the lust-laced tone you speak with when you say his name. It almost makes him cum there and then. 

You watch as he makes his way down your body, peppering kisses from your shoulder to your hip. When he parts your legs, you feel quite exposed. The adrenaline of being so spread for him manifests into a moan. 

“You are divine, baby.”

The use of that adjective is so-not-Joel that it makes you giggle. He notes your reaction and decides to sink down into you. When his mouth gets close to your core, it’s no longer a laughing matter. 

He uses his fingers again, using them to spread open your pussy lips. He cannot keep his eyes away from how dripping you are. “This all for me?”

“Y-yes, Joel.”

“God, I was a fuckin’ fool for so long. Could’ve had her earlier and I never fuckin’ caved. Such an idiot.”

Him giving your cunt pronouns was enough to have you throwing your head back and shuttering. His touch was magnetic like he knew exactly what buttons to push as he rubbed his fingers and palm over your core. 

“Yeah, you’ve been missin’ out. Every night…” You swallow before looking down at the man that is enamored with your pussy, “E-every night I would lay in this bed, fuckin’ myself just thinkin’ about you.”

He growls at the statement, before teasingly kissing your clit. “Every night, hm, kiddo?”

“God, yes.”

Your eyes squeeze shut as he leans forward more and dives in. His nose is pressed firmly against the top of your pussy, nudging forward every time his tongue enters your hole. When that motion became consistent, you began to note the rumblings in the pit of your stomach. A familiar build-up that you managed to get when you were playing with yourself. 

His fingers move in tandem with his lips and tongue. While his middle and pointer finger slide in and out of you, his lips wrap around your clit. It’s overwhelming and all-consuming. 

You do not know where to center yourself, so your hands grip the bed sheets you were completely soaking as Joel pulls the first orgasm out of you. 

“That’s it, baby, she’s cryin’ for me, hm?”

You hardly make a noise, the orgasm is so earth-shattering that you just writhe on the mattress. 

“Oh my god…” You groan, finally able to catch your breath. When Joel removes his fingers from you, you watch as he slowly brings them up to his lips.

When he inserts them in his mouth, you gawk at him, unsure how to react. He watches your expression and chuckles darkly.

“Mm, never seen a man enjoy the taste of ya?”

You shake your head. “Never expected to hear those words leave your mouth, either.”

“Wait ‘til you hear what else I got to say.”

He stands up beside the bed, grabs your hips, and brings them to the edge. He is tossing you around with ease, bringing your lower body flush with his. He yanks down his briefs, revealing himself to you. You instantly take notice of how well-endowed he is. You never thought you would ever be close to his cock, let alone have it lining up at your entrance. 

“Joel…“ You stop him with your small voice, but still welcoming him in with your legs opened wide, “I don’t know if it will fit.”

He grins, “It will, baby. Just relax for me, okay?”

You watch him slide his member along your center, the feeling so blissfully overstimulating. You whine a bit, raising your hips to his. 

But Joel continues his torture, enjoying the way you’re squirming under him. The way your eyebrows are knitted together, your eyes shut as you grind up into him. It’s the prettiest sight. 

“Ready?”

Your eyes fly open as you watch him ease his way into your core, the sound of squelching filling the room. You don’t think you have ever been this wet for someone. 

“Oh my fuckin’ god, Joel…”

He smiles as he inches in, “Squeezin’ my cock so good, darlin’.”

When he’s fully sheathed inside, he tests the waters by drawing out slowly. You roll your hips in a circle, trying to feel out every inch of him. He fits, but you know once he starts to move faster, the stretch will become overwhelming. 

He’s trying to focus and not blow his load immediately. You look so beautiful below him, your tits slowly shifting back and forth every time he draws back and forth. He reaches out, wanting to feel the flesh between his fingers. God, he craved every inch of you, he realizes. 

You open your legs as far as you can, letting him hit you at a different angle. The movement allows him to slip in a bit more seamlessly, so when he speeds up his thrusts, you don’t feel like you will completely split in half. 

He brings your leg up to hips, and feeling your soft delicate skin against him makes him lose all sense. His hips snap faster the more you moan out for him. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, girl. I can’t believe I was missin’ out on this cunt,” He babbles, “Need this cunt every day from now on. Gonna have you all to myself every night.”

You are too fucked out of your mind to read into those implications.

“‘M all yours, Joel.”

He smiles, slowing down a bit. “Keep talkin’ like that and ‘ll finish a lot sooner than you.”

You sit up a bit, your eyes flickering over his entire body. He notices you checking out his nude frame, which makes him feel a bit more bold. He leans down, capturing your lips in a hungry kiss. You love the way his tongue slips into your mouth so effortlessly. When he opens his mouth, his facial hair tickles your nose a bit which makes you smile. When his hips pick back up to a quicker pace, it sends you gasping into his mouth.

“Please, Joel,” You whine, that familiar build starts up but this time it’s like a freight train. Moving so quickly down every nerve ending in your body. “I’m gonna cum.”

“‘M with you, darlin’. Soak this dick. I’m right behind ya.”

His dirty talk causes the crash. Your body practically lifts off the mattress. You cry out so loud you are sure a neighbor could hear you. You try to gain your bearings, but you are panting like you just ran a mile. 

Joel fucks you through it, but the restriction your pussy is putting on his cock sends him over the edge. His hips stutter into yours, his seed emptying into your spent hole. He just keeps repeating your name as his thrusts slow down.

He has never had such a visceral orgasm in his life. His knees are weak and can hardly keep up his weight. He practically falls on top of you, which does not offend you at all. His warm sweaty body on top of you is almost reassuring. 

“You okay, kiddo?” He finally mutters as his hot breath fans the nape of your neck. You just nod, bringing your hand up to his salt and pepper hair. You tug lightly, smiling to yourself. 

“I’m more than okay.”

He finally sits up, his cock spilling out of you as he adjusts his position. Your hole drips a mixture of cum onto your newly clean sheets, but you could care less. It’s just another thing to hand wash tonight.

Joel stumbles to the middle of the room, picking up your bath towel. He uses it to wipe himself up before coming over to you. Your legs are still slightly apart so he decides to clean you up a bit. He’s gentle, knowing that you are probably still sensitive.

Once he finishes up, he crawls next to you as you continue to recover. Your bones felt like jello so standing up to adjust yourself was not an option.

So instead of facing him, you stare up at your ceiling fan as his eyes lock onto every detail of your profile. It brings him back to one night you two shared under the stars a couple of years ago. It was his turn to keep watch so you curled up in your sleeping bag by the fire. He admired you from across the flames, the orange hues lit up every angle of your face. It was at that moment that Joel realized that he could not picture his life without you. You had weaseled your way into every facet of his life and he used to resent the impact you had on him. You were younger, more patient but still stubborn like him. You made him laugh, like genuinely laugh, for the first time since the infection. While you may have been a bit impulsive with your emotions, he envied the way you could say exactly what you were thinking. 

Joel did not want to love you, but it was impossible not to. 

You finally look over at him, noticing the softness in his gaze.

“Are you okay?” You pose, scrunching your nose. 

He gives you a toothless smile, his eyes crinkling a bit. “I just can’t wait to sleep next to you for the rest of my life.”

tags of people I love and who may wanna read (no pressure I just love u) (some of u did ask tho) : @ashleyfilm @hockeyhughes @pedrospookie @guiltyasdave @amanitacowboy @myownwholewildworld

[lirotation]

This is my post-game Astarion, sporting the cloak of Dragomir. How he acquired it remains a mystery - perhaps they killed Hexxat for it, stole it from her, or even charmed it away. The cloak has become a recurring element in my fanart.

He is holding my Amaara's headpiece.

PS. I've been creating Astarion fanart and comics for quite some time, driven purely by my love for the character. While many who shared my frustrations with Astarion's story arc have moved on long ago, I remain captivated by his charm. As an art hobbyist juggling a busy life, I've been somewhat disconnected from fandom discussions, only recently becoming aware of various Astarion-related discourses.

I just want to say:

I'm incredibly grateful that everyone who has commented on my work has been respectful. The words of love and encouragement I've received mean a great deal to me, motivating me to continue and improve.

The most "negative" response I've gotten was probably a "Fuck you OP" tag on my "When You Are Old" comic - which I might deserve, haha!

Some of my favorite reactions have been from people writing thoughtful essays in their reblog tags, sharing their personal insights and experiences. I absolutely love reading those! Even more heartening are the tags along the lines of "I'm not even in this fandom but…" or "I don't even know these characters, but…" These unexpected tags are truly incredible and fill me with optimism

I've made friends here and come to recognize many familiar names. Overall, being in this small corner of the fandom has been a wonderful experience!

Thank you all!

[changes]

Friday, April 28th, 2023

🌟 New

Love those important checkmarks? We won a Webby for ’em!

The inbox unread count has returned on web! No more unread dot.

We’re no longer creating activity items in your activity feed when you like, reblog, or reply to your own posts.

In the new post editor on web, clicking into the tags input field will now show suggestions immediately.

Passwords on Tumblr have a max length of 72 bytes. This has actually always been the case, but now we’re making that clearer when setting your password across web, iOS, and Android.

🛠 Fixed

Users that you’ve blocked will no longer appear in Tumblr Live carousels.

Ask/answer posts can no longer be blazed at all. (We’re thinking through how best to ask for consent from the asker and answerer, so this may return.)

Fixed a bug that was resetting a post’s blaze eligibility depending on where it was being edited. Thanks to everyone who sent us info about this issue, it helped us track down the problem faster!

Fixed the issue that could cause the new post editor on web to not be able to redo your actions after undoing them with Control + Z.

When using Tumblr in a browser on your phone, going “back” from within a direct messaging conversation will now bring you back to the right place, if you got to that conversation from places like activity or your dashboard.

There was an issue with Spotify podcast embeds for a brief period this week, but they’ve fixed the issue.

🚧 Ongoing

The war against spam bots continues. We’re working to clean up recent waves of spam bots, and again prevent them from recurring. As usual, please report any blogs as spam that you find, and we’ll take care of the rest.

We’re working on separating everyone’s existing checkmarks into separate blue and rainbow products, and opening up the ability for everyone to manage which one is being displayed next to their blog name. There have been some bumps with this transition, but we’re working them out as quickly as possible!

Version 29.1.1 of the Tumblr Android app has a fix for the issue of the app switching to the “For you” tab when interacting with posts that have a “Read more”.

🌱 Upcoming

We’re working on a design refresh of the direct messaging conversation popup on web.

Experiencing an issue? File a Support Request and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can!

Want to share your feedback about something? Check out our Work in Progress blog and start a discussion with the community.

[madlori]

West Wing rewatch

(Yes I posted about this last night and then deleted it - initially i was thinking I might do a episode-by-episode reblog but ain't nobody got time for that)

There's a new book out called "What's Next" about the making of TWW and I thought it was time for a rewatch (it's been awhile - for some time there it was too depressing to watch it). I'm on episode 4, so here are some thoughts.

No other show has ever done "initial character introductions" as well as the pilot episode of this one. There's a lot of characters, and they're all so clear from minute one.

Even in their first episode appearances, it is SO CLEAR that Moira Kelly sticks out like a sore thumb. There's a thing with Sorkin's writing that you can either get it in your mouth, or you can't. She can't. The energy is off. She doesn't match the others' freak. Every time I've rewatched this show, this fact is more and more obvious.

Bingeing also reveals some of Sorkin's writing crutches...like the "characters repeat the same line several times to different characters or even to the same one for comedic effect" thing he does all the time.

I'm not here to suck Sorkin's dick or anything but damn, a lot of this dialogue is amazing.

The dramatic technique in the pilot of everyone talking about the President but nobody seeing him until That Entrance he makes is freaking genius.

God, Sam Seaborn is a douche in these first few episodes. His patronizing, aggressive behavior towards Laurie is really inexcusable - happily a lot of the other characters call him out on this but I always feel like the show's kind of on his side.

Also...Sam. You spent several years with Leo McGarry almost 24/7 on the campaign trail, and somehow were not aware that his daughter is an adult and not a 4th grader? Paging narrative continuity.

John Amos as Admiral Fitzwallace is one of my favorite recurring characters. The scene where Leo's asking him about the optics of hiring Charlie, a young black man, to be the President's personal aide and he just has no time for it. "I have plenty of real battles to fight, Leo. I don't have time for the cosmetic ones." Good advice, that.

This show does not work without John Spencer.

Martin Sheen somehow conveys all at once that this President is both very smart and very naive at the same time, as well as that his personal ethics may not be entirely compatible with his job.

God, every time Mandy shows up it's like a needle-scratch and the entire scene grinds to a halt.

Charlie is a great character but I always suspected that after the pilot, they suddenly realized they had an all-white cast (well, apart from Martin Sheen who is Hispanic but isn't playing one here) and were like...um let's add a character who isn't. Maybe that'll be discussed in this book I'm reading.

[bomberqueen17]

Aubreyad Running Tallies

Running tallies of recurring events in the Aubreyad series, reblogged/updated more periodically than per book exactly. So we're starting on book 2 here. Reasonings and citations below the cut, the cases are often ambiguous.

TALLY 1: HOW MANY INDIAMEN* HAS TOM PULLINGS BEEN IN

4

TALLY 2: HOW MANY TIMES HAS WILLIAM BABBINGTON HAD THE CLAP

1

TOM PULLINGS:

M&C is of course zero, as he does not enter any Indiamen until the second book.

as of Post Captain:

Chapter 5 We find him in the Lord Nelson, which counts as either 1 or 2 voyages. I'm assuming he's counting outward and inward voyages separately, so it is very likely this is his second voyage in her. 2

Chapter 7 he goes to impress sailors from the Lord Mornington and says he made two voyages in her. 2

POST CAPTAIN TOTAL: 4

TALLY 2: BABBINGTON

This one is harder because it is not directly discussed so most of it is inference. Trigger warning I guess, Babbington is of indeterminate, immature age and his voice has not even broken as of the first two books at least, but it is the Georgian era so I pray do not think too hard about it.

Master and Commander: chapter 6 Jack is eager to put to sea and one of the reasons is “where that infernal child Babbington did not have to be rescued from aged women of the town”

in chapter 8 Babbington is weeping from exhaustion and part of the cause of his distress is that he has been told that his hair and teeth are going to fall out and his body become covered with sores while his bones soften because of his "conversing" [at the time a euphemism on par with "intercourse"] with harlots, but this is just hearsay from the clerk (a boy a few years older than himself) and is not an official diagnosis. Stephen does make later reference to this time period, however, in a way that seems that the boy did in fact fall under his care for this matter, so I am going to grant this as a probable yes. (Stephen posits that the VD treatment, or the disease itself, stunted Babbington's growth so the fellow never gets above five feet six, but in a separate description it comes out that Stephen himself is five feet six with no cause for it given, and indeed it is not an uncommon height for men of the era [honestly, this era either] to be, so I think Babbington is just a short king. It doesn't hold him back or, unfortunately for this tally, make him less appealing to women.)

MASTER AND COMMANDER TOTAL: a tentative 1

Post Captain: Jack has Babbington turn out his pockets before going ashore, and confiscates almost all of his money to keep him chaste, and this expedient seems to work as incredibly enough Babbington's clap total for this book despite several runs onshore seems to be:

ZERO

Running total: 1

_____ * Indiamen is a term that refers to the merchant ships that plied that route, and not to people; an Indiaman takes the feminine pronouns used in English to refer to a ship or vessel. Actual Indian men, if on board ship, would have been termed Lascars and normal human pronoun rules would apply. Thank you for reading this definition of historical terms. I am keeping this count for hilarious timeline fuckery purposes and have phrased it this way because that is invariably how Pullings himself phrases it.

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

Before we begin, a number of people sent me the missing persons post for Abby/Absent -- the good news is she's apparently been found and is well, but I also want to discuss the post and why it can be dangerous to link posts like it, which is best done elsewhere.

Ways to Give:

Anon linked to chaosfay, a disabled artist who is fundraising to pay off debts related to necessary home repairs after a January freeze sent a tree into her roof. She has commissions open for quilted items (pins and magnets) and quilts; you can read more, sign up for a quilt, and reblog here or check out what's for sale here.

rilee16 is raising funds to get out of an abusive home situation where their roommate has been aggressive and stealing from them; with irregular work hours and a tax debt due, they also need funds to repair their phone, which is dying, and cover utility bills. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Recurring Needs:

loversdoom is a college student from the Philippines, studying away from her family, and her parents are unexpectedly unable to support her education; she is dealing with a number of expenses and is now looking at costly medical procedures as well. You can read more and reblog here or give to the fundraiser here.

Anon linked to a fundraiser for their friend dyken, a nonbinary lesbian from Latin America who along with their partner has been having trouble covering bills, food, and mental health treatment; their family is abusive and unwilling to help financially. They are accepting donations via paypal and commissions via ko-fi; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

onedollopofsourcream (formerly thelastpyler) is raising funds to help with food, transportation, medication for their family, and other expenses after a string of financial issues; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

gwydion is raising funds to cover car repairs; ze is disabled and recovering from shoulder surgery, and is $50 short on covering repairs to the power steering, which will mean ze won't be able to drive for months. You can give via paypal here.

chingaderita's partner recently lost their job due to a house fire that also destroyed the house; they're raising funds to keep food on the table for a family of nine, to try and get a supply of water to keep clean and do laundry, and for various bills until they can find new work; they also need to purchase a fridge to store their insulin, as theirs has just stopped working. You can read more, reblog, and support the fundraiser here.

Anon linked to karla-hoshi or Hoshi on TikTok, who is raising funds for cancer treatment for her cat Naku; they caught the cancer early and hope that he can survive it, but can't continue treatment without funding, and they have recently had other emergency expenses to cover. You can read more, reblog, and support the fundraiser here.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[desidarling123]

SAB Scene Breakdown: Inej's Hallucination

OK, so I had actually been meaning to write and publish some meta on this particular scene (and just tons of SAB S2 meta, in general) in the weeks after the second season of the show came out. But life has been crazy recently, so I truly never found the time.

However, I reblogged a certain gifset a few days/weeks ago, slapped some tags on it, and realized there might indeed be some interest in some more #detailed thoughts.

The analysis that follows is at a pretty minute level of detail (and all of course based on MY views) so... take that with a grain of salt.

Also - fair warning - it's long as hell 😂 but entertaining, I hope!

I find this whole sequence in general super fascinating - it's one of my favorite scenes in the second season, and one that's also arguably subject to the absolute worst takes in fandom (iykyk... and if you don't, well, you're about to find out.)

So, let's get into it:

We start off strong with a very specific choice, made early on: it's not Inej seducing Kaz; rather, it's Kaz who's drawing Inej into this vision.

I get a bit more into the broader implications of that a bit later, but it's definitely important that it's done this way, rather than the other way around.

It's also, very notably, an inverse of this scene from a few episodes earlier:

What's unique about that previous scene is that in that moment, he's deliberately pushing her away (for reasons, mind you, that she's not entirely privy to, but definitely hurt her regardless - even if she pretends not to care about it to his face later on).

This is different. Instead of pushing her away, he is asking her to stay.

The choice of words is specific too: the word 'disappear' most obviously references her status as his spider. But it might also be an apt description of her own personal trappings, of 'disappearing' when in the throes of trauma-induced pressure.

Some atmospheric details I love:

Their IRL confrontation was in his office-cum-bedroom (👀shutup), a tiny, crammed space that matched the tension of that scene. This is the opposite of that - the room has a more open layout, imbuing the whole sequence with a more relaxed vibe. We can even see his cane chilling on the table behind him, just in reaching distance.

The DeKappel painting which they jointly stole in the books (and presumably on the show as well) is behind them.

Fire burning as a symbol for latent passion is not exactly groundbreaking imagery, but don't fix what ain't broke, amirite? :P

Malina, very notably, gets the same fire imagery treatment in their own love scene as well:

Will it show up again in a future season for kanej? Between that and, well, the recurring church imagery, we're in for a tossup, folks

But anyways. Back to the scene at hand.

You'll notice Inej goes back to a formal stance, hands behind her back, like she's preparing for a debrief or for an assignment. It's for a few seconds, if that, but it shows that she's grasping at some semblance of normalcy in this decidedly not-normal vision.

That facade lasts for all of, two seconds, tops, when he does this:

It's sexy! It's intimate! There's knives involved!

Okay, but seriously, for the sake of time I actually will not get into a deeper discussion of the ~implications~ because I'm sure it's been done a zilllion times before and it's also fairly obvious lol

Now, the one thing I *do* want to pivot to here is that by this point, both Inej and the audience understand that there is something very subtly yet fundamentally different about hallucination!Kaz.

But what is it?

Speaking on this scene, Freddy Carter had a quote (that I cannot be arsed to find rn) where he basically said that he deferred to Amita when playing hallucination!Kaz because "she (Amita) knows better (than I do) what it is that Inej likes about Kaz"

And what is it, exactly, that she likes about him? The next few gifs tell all, using actions rather than words.

This is her reaction to him pulling her knives from her. And what I find so interesting is that she is so (rightfully) startled....

But that is absolutely NOT the expression on his face at all.

In fact, he's remarkably self-assured.

And THAT, I think, is the crux of 'what it is she likes about him', as Frreddy said.

She likes his decisiveness, the single-minded precision with which he operates.

She's seen him apply it to every last scheme, every seemingly-hopeless situation... to damn near everything in the world, really, but her.

But here, in the depths of her hallucination, he does.

There are none of his usual hangups, none of their typically frustrating back-and-forths.

No. Here, he doesn't hesitate. He wants her, and he makes it known.

Striking, sexy stuff, to say least.

Let's go on:

Nothing to add here except that I'm obsessed with the way their heads turn at the same time here.

It's funny, because for all their personal hang-ups when it comes to physical intimacy, these two are SURPRISINGLY physically attuned to each other.

Goes to show, really, how much both of their problems are in their heads (obviously) -- and how, when they're actually ready to heal, relying on their intuition may be a better approach than getting too cerebral about it.

Again, Kaz does not break eye contact with her here, and it's such a contrast to what he might have instead done if this were happening in real life - in fact, does happen, in real life, though I'd argue that isn't exactly his fault.

I love that we get a moment where Inej looks down and sees his hand hovering near her waist, just so that it's made explicitly clear what he's asking for and what the ~implications~ are.

And then, she says yes! Enthusiastically, I might add.

Not but seriously the sheer want, the little touch of eagerness on her face kills me here. She's never had this experience before - has only ever known men violating her in the most horrible way possible - and yet this tiny little thing, of Kaz asking her for consent, means so much.

Oh my God Kaz is so sexy here sorry no words anyway carrying on.

Now even after she said yes you can see this sudden little beat of hesitation on her face, like she's maybe not sure what's going to happen or if Kaz is going to do what she asked. For her it's a moment of incredible vulnerability, even though Kaz is the one sort of making the advances on her - because this one time, she actually gets to say yes.

I think that shot of his arm going around her waist is so gorgeous and so sensual - but as we pan up we can see that maybe all isn't well.

Now, Amita also really does a fantastic job at portraying the turbulence of Inej's emotions -- she goes from clearly wanting it and saying 'yes', to visibly panicking once he acts on it. We see her shift around in his grip and even swallow nervously, blink-blink-blinking herself back into the moment.

Her response is reminiscent of this passage from the books:

But what might have happened if he'd spoken that night? If he had willingly offered her some part of his heart? What if he had come to her, laid his gloves aside, drawn her to him, kissed her mouth? Would she have pulled him closer, kissed him back? Could she have been herself in such a moment, or would she have broken apart and vanished, a doll in his arms, a girl who could never quite be whole?

You can see the very beginning of that sort of panic start to set in, here. This is completely uncharted territory for Inej - her own desire, the shame and baggage that comes with it, is all getting uncovered for the first time in what is arguably the 'safest' way possible - within the confines of her own mind - and yet, she's still panicking.

More on that in a bit. Let's keep going.

Anyways well Freddy's got a huge hand sorry anyway 

I love the way she closes her eyes here. And you can see again it's not without effort - like there's still conflict within her, you can see all of those different emotions warring within her - but she is trying to let herself have this moment. She's trying to take comfort in this touch that she so desperately wants and yet hasn't had any sort of good connotations with in recent history. 

She also opens her eyes just as he starts to lean in and I think that was a great, deliberate choice on Amita and Freddy's part.

It's that precise moment, really, when it becomes super super clear to her what's about to happen.

No notes, I just really love this forehead lean, it's that little bit of tenderness and intimacy that she's been subconsciously craving.

 Again, it's fascinating to me that we can see all of Inej's nervous tics coming into play here, but for hallucination!Kaz there's absolutely no hesitation at any point whatsoever.

It looks like, for all intents and purposes, he is going to kiss her.

And then at the very very last second you see him move back, ever-so-slightly --

and then she moves all the way back and delivers her line:

Ouch. Like a punch to the gut. True, but still ouch.

Now one could probably ask, in hypotheticals: why didn't he actually kiss her at this moment? And the answer to that simply is: this is her hallucination, you know? Even though she's not conscious of it (she's dying lol), she's the one with all the power, here.

And truthfully, whether she knows it or not, nothing is going to happen in her hallucination if she doesn't want it to.

But wait, you might say. Doesn't she want to kiss Kaz?

Like that original excerpt from the book indicates, it's complicated. Everything pertaining to desire generally will be, for her.

Not that her subconscious doesn't put up a good ol' fight. Hallucination!Kaz, you have to remember, isn't so much Kaz as he is a very precise amalgamation of her own memories and desires.

And boy, does he make a good argument:

The word want, again, spoken so directly here - it's that sort of straightforward speech that neither party is actually really capable of (at this point) in their arcs, not when it comes to each other.

Again, Kaz is behaving perfectly in the prescribed character of his hallucination persona - direct, confident, not rattled in the slightest.

It's interesting also that he doesn't say: this is real. He isn't able to lie to her in her own fantasy, but he does instead tell her exactly what she wants to hear, which is arguably even more dangerous.

And what I feel so terrible about is you can see this tiny little spark this little bit of hope on her face that she has.

She wants to believe this so so badly. She wants it, damn it!

So this time, she actually moves closer, crosses that distance between them. 

You can't see it super well in this gif, but you can see a little tiny muscle twitch in her jaw, a nervous swallow as she's bracing for him to kiss her the second time. And once again, Kaz isn't hesitating, there isn't any note of that discordant thing that they have in real life from his end.

Now another thing that drives me crazy is people claiming that they did kiss in the scene like bro. Bro. Freddy and Amita did not shoot this scene at no less three separate angles for you to tell us that they kissed!! They didn't kiss, they make it incredibly obvious that they did not kiss, and if you're the one person on planet Earth whose definition of a kiss is front lips brushing for .0000000002 seconds then I'm sorry, you belong to a different category, okay?

And again, that was on purpose! It totally would have defeated the purpose of this particular sequence if they had (and would've given detractors of this scene a real leg to stand on - again, more on that at the very end.)

But as it stands, they don't kiss, and that's also kind of critically why this isn't just a sexy scene to watch back.

AND THEN (I'm out of allowed images HAHA) she pulls away. And she says the words that end it all - This isn't real. This is the poison.

The premise of the hallucination is completely shattered, and she looks so heartbroken, but she's finally able to articulate what she's really known this whole time, and that is that nothing she's seeing is real. It is a lie being fed to her by her poison-addled brain as her body slowly succumbs and dies (dark).

But you know, she does get out of it through sheer willpower, and we love her for that - but oh man but what cost?

This particular sequence is definitely a catalyst for her changed behavior going forward. I do actually wish it had been a little better handled in the show (as in, better supported by dialogue in scenes before and after this one) but regardless - this scene is a Big Tipping Point and starts what is essentially a pseudo-regression arc for Inej (paraphrasing Amita directly, bc that's truly the most apt description of Inej's behavior for the rest of the season.)

It's really bad timing, unfortunately, because it happens just as Kaz is starting to open up like never before. He's starting to see the world in a completely different light while she's doing the exact opposite -- she is shutting down her own dreams and desires when it comes to him, because she's come to the conclusion that it's simply not going to happen.

And you know what, she's not entirely wrong for that assumption, but I do have beef with some of the particulars of how it was executed in the show. But that's a discussion for another day.

Now, onto a brief rant that I alluded to at the very start of this post - my single biggest grievance with fandom is that someone on the internet decided that this scene somehow ‘erased’ Inej’s trauma, when in fact that exact trauma is what underpins the whole damn thing.

The fact that this scene more or less parallels the passage from the books beat for beat, shows, in my opinion, that book fans who make these claims of 'erasure' must have deliberately chosen to ignore this passage from the books, or never even read it in the first place.

Because frankly? Once you take that passage into consideration, the intent of this sequence couldn't have been more obvious!

Just to underscore my point, I want to ask anyone who's reading this to please compare and contrast Inej’s hallucination with Matthias’ dream. If the intent, as many so often like to claim, was simply to make this moment in Inej’s mind a sexy, titillating scene, well then, it would have been shot a lot more closely to the way Matthias’ dream was shot: there's no lack of kissing and even implied penetration (!) which is crazy, because of course, Matthias and Nina have gotten nowhere near that in real life.

There's a sexual aspect to her dream, for sure, but it's not a stereotypically-passionate 'sex dream' so much as it is a thinly-veiled reading into her own desires and the inner turmoil that comes with it.

There's also a very subtle undercurrent here that I picked up on and explore in my ongoing fic , which is that Kaz, in these fantasies, is really always the one taking the lead, so to speak. Inej is not pulling him close or asking to kiss him - and we see that even when she consents to the act, she looks like she's bracing herself for it, rather than excited that it'll happen.

That is fueled no doubt by 1) her realizing it isn't real but also 2) the fact that she is still very much in the middle of her own trauma (having been freed like what? mere days ago? if that?)

Any concept of her own independent desire is still saddled with IMMENSE baggage - and this sequence showcases it perfectly.

I think after the fact, she's consciously aware of 1) but not yet aware of 2) which is beating around in her subconscious and is probably gonna cause her WAYY more problems going forward lol

TLDR; Inej doesn't know it just yet, but she's got loads of her own issues to work through, and until she does, she's going to be stuck in this weird purgatory of being a voyeur to/of her own desires.

[itsblasttothepast]

Didn't you hate Ocon? I've seen you reblog and like posts about him, and you said that started to get interested in the Chesteban ship

Chesteban is the name of the ship?? Oh dear, I had no idea (and I'm not crazy about it either, but I guess it's better than Chocon, in spanish, that would be hilarious!!).

I don't hate him, I actually like him, I think he's a misunderstood soul. I kind of disliked him back when he was Checo's teammate because he kept pushing him off track (although Checo did the same), and the talked shit about him; also the recurring joke about Checo killing him was the main topic in fandom discussions.

Still, didn't like them as a ship, until I read a fic in AO3 and got hooked. Now I'm morbidly interested, to be honest.

I also find funny the PR pictures of them, I mean:

Could they be more awkward and apart? I mean, they had to keep them apart on most videos, with someone being the buffer between them.

So cringe!

So awkward!

Anyway, they just didn't click as teammates, and swore to destroy each other when they were at Force India, but now they seem to be... polite.

So, I totally used this ask to share my favorite pictures of this uncomfortable duo, but I admit the damn fic I read made me interested in the ship... still not convinced of the name.

[ikemen-daily-questions]

What is this blog?

The purpose of this blog is to post questions that prompt fans of the ikeseries games to reply with their thoughts. Questions will range from asking your opinions of how your favorites will react to certain scenarios, prompts to consider how your favorite character may feel about certain things (matching pjs, your first home together, his coffee order, etc) , or questions asking your favorite route/event/cg/etc about each game.

It's a fun way to share HCs you've been wanting to talk about, or thoughts about a certain route/cg/etc, or encourage you to consider certain aspects of your favorite that you may not have thought about before. I'm hoping that by posting these, it will help share some positivity and simple fun with others in the fandom.

This blog compiles all the 'daily questions' I came up with for my server, Bloody Simps. I've decided to now make the questions public, scheduled for once a day, so anyone in the cybird fandoms can reply.

Some questions may be NSFW, but it's usually a rare few. Due to this, they will be marked for mature audiences and I ask for minors to not interact with those questions (will block if this happens)

How do I respond to questions?

Reblog the question and write out your response to your heart's content! You can respond as yourself, or as/with your OC**!

Each question posts at 12PM EST, and you're free to respond to it any time after it's posted. I heavily recommend reblogging it, just due to the fact that replies have a character limit. That way you can gush as much as you want about your fave!

*Some questions are made with the player in mind, rather than OCs.

*The questions will ask 'you' for a response, but a lot can easily be taken as a chance for your OC to respond. As in, "what is your favorite letter from your suitor" can be easily turned into your OC sharing which route/event letter was their favorite, how it impacted them, etc, or honestly you can go wild and make up your own letter from the suitor and say its your OCs favorite. Just have fun!!

Can I submit some question suggestions?

Of course! I'll denote any submitted questions that are used with a ☆, and if the suggestion is made off anon, I will tag you in the post concerning it.

Please keep in mind that if the question seems rude towards any MC or character, is offensive in nature, or is too similar to questions already made, then it will not be added to the question pool. These questions may also be used for my server's daily questions as well.

I see that you're posting questions while using tags for X game, what about Y game?

You're free to share your thoughts on the question with any cybird suitor, though some questions may be game specific. I only play some of the ENG released games, and don't play the JP only games at the moment. Please feel free to respond with any ENG or JP cybird game/character, but if it pertains spoilers I would kindly ask you tag as such just for my sake,,,,

I see this is for cybird characters, but I also want to talk about a different character I like

Honestly, I can't control what you do! If the question fits, and you're wanting to discuss other blorbos, as long as its not hateful then I don't really care.

The reason this is centered on cybird games specifically is because questions will be directly geared with those in mind, such as qs about favorite events from the games or CGs/Routes, etc etc, so the differentiation is to lessen confusion for those stumbling onto this blog randomly.

I know Ocs are alright to respond with, but what about suitor/suitor ships or polyships?

If the questions applies (that is up for you to determine), then feel free! If the ship is incestuous in nature, and this is a recurring theme, I will not want to interact with your response and if its too triggering, I may block.

What do you do with the responses?

I read them! At the moment, I do not plan to reblog any responses to this blog, and instead encourage people to look at the notes to see what others have said. At the most, I may reblog them to my blog to share thoughts if I agree with you, but this is mainly just a question/prompt blog.

Who runs this blog?

At the moment, just @scummy-writes ! Since Krys is a mod for my server, and helps out with making questions for there as well, she's given me permission to use the questions she's came up with as well! These questions will be notated with a ♡. You can find her blogs at @krys-loves-otome and @not-krys!

I saw someone respond rather hatefully to a question...

If I notice that someone is consistently character bashing or being rude/offensive towards the questions, I'll likely end up blocking them for my own sanity. I would like this to be positive, even when the questions are asking what your least favorite route may be or similar, and easy discussion.

Disliking a character and explaining why calmly without being harmful towards those who enjoy the character is fine!

╰❧ Typos may occur, and sometimes I may repost a question not too long after it's been posted originally on accident! Please be patient with me, mistakes happen.

╰❧ Divider by @/saradika-graphics

[dragonheart2497]

Hi i need to commit to switch to tumble so

mutuals are always free to dm me to chat

Ask box is always open to memes, mcyt lore discussions, and art requests- tho I’m under no obligation to complete said requests I’ll do what I feel like

please interact with me so I stay here :’D lol

Also I have a personal discord!! It’s old and dead but I’d love to revive it- friends are also always welcome to dm me on discord

art reblog heavy but you are free to filter it by #dh rb art

AND YEA I DRAW

more general blog info below

Dragonheart2497

Call me Dragon, friends can call me Ryuushin, Ryuu, Keith. Irls don’t share my irl name

It, they, or he, but Ne/nim/nis and any other neos you see fit are preferred

Fluent Japanese and English- even if you’re just learning one or the other, you’re welcome to chat with me in it :D I can help you practice! I may be slow or unsure in Japanese conversation, i i use translators to double-check kanji and i usually only communicate with my mother in very casual dialect

Art tag; #Dh2497

General rb tag; #Dh rb Art rb tag; #Dh rb art Queue tag; #Fed to the Queue Creature

Rambling tag; #Dh rambles

Answered asks tag; #Dh answers recurring anons may get a tag

don’t repost my art, use with credit- ask before using in edits or anything like that

comms are here

carrd here (it needs to be updated tho)

[priestess-of-yuri]

i think something that's missing in a lot of online white leftist ideology is that. um. it's not just about reblogging stuff online, it's not just about looking at stonewall riots and going "yeah that's important". it's also about. literally thinking critically. just literally using your brain with how you treat the bipoc people you run into. not getting mad at them when they behave in traumatized ways. not questioning their extreme and recurring, systemic abuse. not telling them to settle down, be civil, stop lashing out because it's hurting the whiteys. not ask them if they fucking have an internal dialogue with themselves whatsoever. basically, not stripping the person in front of you of their humanity. there are so many white people in leftist spaces who refuse to listen to bipoc people and shut down discussion as soon as you bring up anything relating to actual bipoc politics because it's too hard for them, it's too much work, it's beyond their understanding, it's too much to put aside their massive egos! and it's like. god forbid you do ANY of the work it takes to actually use your own brain for once to be kind and trustworthy and good to people who don't look like you.

[changes]

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2023

🌟 New

On web, you can now switch between Blue and Rainbow Important Internet Checkmarks, and purchase them separately, in your Blog's settings. Could this be the sign of something more to come? 🤔

🛠 Fixed

Fixed a bug that was preventing new activity items from being created when someone was interacting with a reblog that you reblogged from yourself.

On web, you'll no longer lose your position on the queue and drafts page when editing or creating a new draft/queue/scheduled post.

On web, when writing or editing a post, the tag background now uses your theme's color.

Rate limits are now more effectively enforced on our search API.

List styling in the post options has been fixed in Safari.

Gift buying has been streamlined with a few small tweaks. Thank your favorite bloggers with Ad-Free Browsing or inflict them with Crabs!

🚧 Ongoing

The war against spam bots continues. We're working to clean up the recent wave of spam bots, and again prevent them from recurring. As usual, please report any blogs as spam that you find, and we'll take care of the rest.

Staff are hard at work updating our docs. If you see anything confusing or out-of-date, please send some feedback!

🌱 Upcoming

For all of you keyboard fans, hotkey improvements are on the way!

For all of you iOS and Android app fans, badge management is on the way!

Experiencing an issue? File a Support Request and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can!

Want to share your feedback about something? Check out our Work in Progress blog and start a discussion with the community.

[visualnovelzombie]

Furry Visual Novel Book Club: Echo Week 18

Hi everyone, here is the SPOILER FREE discussion post for “Echo - TJ’s Saturday”

Links: Previous - Next - Original - Spoiler Version

Feel free to respond in reblogs/replies/or asks :D

The day opens with the group arriving at Lake Emma. Chase is having some serious self-reflective thoughts about Carl, about how suddenly, he’s upset with how Carl treats himself and acts, saying Carl causes everything himself. Carl and Jenna ride in the truckbed, Chase darkly thinking what might happen to them if there was an accident… Chase is also sure to sit between Julian and Tj on the way over. Chase’s thoughts are distorted and dark the whole time…

The group walk towards the boulder, Tj taking Chase’s paw on the way.

 Chase feeds into the negative world view with his thoughts, knowing things will ‘never be the same.’ Julian continues to annoy Chase with is very presence… but the otter’s grip on Tj calms him down. Chase continues to neg Carl while they look for the last spot. Chase points out the sand he unearthed the night before, calling into question the ‘legitimacy’ of the final part he changed. The group find the lunchbox and begin to open it.

The group read the altered note

Chase changed the note to implicate Flynn had set up the scavenger hunt. In the fallout, he comforts Tj, pulling him into an… embrace. Julian asks what’s wrong, Chase putting more blame on Flynn, until he’s interrupted by Tj.

Jenna and Carl defend Flynn, saying while he’s a jerk this is too convoluted for him to try and pull. Chase turns, blaming Carl for working with the gila. Jenna tries weakly to defend Carl, but Chase continues. Carl starts to hyperventilate from the attack, Chase bemoaning the ram’s anxiety… with a little comment from our recurring entity.

Tj rushes past Chase and Jenna, physically attacking Carl with swipes of his claws. Carl dodges backwards into the rocks, tripping and breaking his ankle from his hoof being lodged at a weird angle. Chase holds Tj back as the lynx continues his swipes… going limp in Chase’s arms. Chase takes Tj away from the scene as Jenna and Julian call an ambulance.

The two walk back to the motel, Tj crying to himself along the way. Tj blames himself for Carl breaking his leg, but Chase assures him it’s only fair after what Carl ‘pulled’. The two talk about what happened as Chase drapes himself over the lynx.

The entity insinuates what’s happening to Tj… is happening to Chase… 

Chase continues to blame Flynn and Carl, saying that Tj did nothing wrong despite how bad it got. The two arrive at the motel and rest. Jenna texts Chase, telling him that Carl is saying it was only an accident, and that she’s staying with some friends in Payton, suggesting Chase and Tj leave early. Chase is happy she’s leaving early. Tj want’s to see Carl, not wanting to leave things like they are.

Chase says he wants to spend the rest of the weekend with Tj, ignoring everyone and everything else. Tj brings up Chase’s project, the otter saying he doesn’t mind if he fails.

Chase reflects about his plan going so well, even if he didn’t want to go THAT far, but is happy with the result anyways. Chase still isn’t sure who planted the notes, and still assumes that it’s Flynn and Carl… Just then, Flynn arrives to the motel room, and the otter goes to intercept him while Tj stays inside the room. The two talk, Flynn upset the group were down to the lake. Chase thinks to himself, wanting to egg him on, push it further than it should…

Chase tries to get Flynn to admit to planting the notes, but Flynn doesn’t seem to know anything about it. Flynn tries to get to the door to talk to Tj more, but Chase grabs him, slamming him back towards the truck. Flynn tries it again, Chase grappling him. They start to fight, the gila sending a punch at Chase who tackles him to the ground. Chase ends up on top of him, the entity saying ‘weak’, Chase repeats it aloud to Flynn. 

Flynn is afraid and hurt, lying there as Chase gets up. The gila gets in his truck and leaves, Chase returning to the motel. Tj said he got a text from Julian, and wants to talk to the deer before leaving. Chase begrudgingly agrees, while Tj is grateful for Chase being there for him.

Time passes, and Julian picks the two up, heading towards Payton. On the way the group decide what to do. Julian discuss going to the movies, and Chase suggests the family plex

Despite not going to Payton in this route, Chase knows it’s open, and insists on going. Chase continues to become more and more angry at completely innocuous things Julian does, annoyed the deer is even spending time with Tj and him, despite driving to the place with them. Chase wastes his money, trying to get the group to leave the arcade as Julian helps Tj play…

Chase says he has a headache, and the group return to the motel instead of watching a movie. Tj is tired on the way over, and Chase offers him his shoulder to rest on.

Chase falls asleep too, only waking when Julian pulls off the road to help Janice, whose gotten a flat tire. Julian helps her change the tire while Tj and Chase wait nearby. Janice brings up how Flynn had told her about Chase’s project, and offers to tell Chase ghost stories she has about the town. Chase is indignant, wanting to do a more fact-based story on the town. He relents after Tj’s encouragement.

Janice recalls a story her grandfather, Andy Adler, had told her about an event that happened in the 1940s. He was accosted with his wife in the forest by an entity jumping from tree to tree, chasing them with a mechanical voice… Janice then recalls Brian’s story about a UFO, Chase ignoring it completely. She goes on another story, from a podcast.

Chase asks Janice if anything has happened to her, and she goes quiet… Chase wants to get footage of the forest as Julian finishes up, and asks Tj to go along with him. As the two enter, Chase lightly teases him, the lynx blushing. Chase offers him his paw, and after a bit of coercing, Tj takes it. The two walk paw-in-paw through the forest together. Chase tells Tj about the fox he saw hanging, and how the things people see in town aren’t real. The lynx is scared but Chase reassures him, saying he’s there for him.

Tj asks Chase what’s been going on, saying he himself hasn’t been feeling well… In complete silence .

"It lasts a moment."

"Our lips meet, mine on his for the first time."

"It's a moment of pure bliss, and I close my eyes to show the lynx just how passionate I am about it."

"I feel his lips freeze up against mine, then suddenly they're gone."

"I open my eyes in time to see TJ stumbling backwards."

"One paw flies up to his mouth as the other stretches out behind himself, as if worried he's going to run into the trees."

"I guess I surprised him."

"I smile and follow the cat, reaching out my paws."

Tj is apprehensive and confused, Chase not understanding why. Tj backs away. Chase grips his arm, explaining to him the visual novel romance the two have been on for the past week. Chase continues on, unsure what’s going on…

Chase asks if Tj’s been leading him on the whole weak, and pulls himself closer. Tj strikes Chase and runs away. Chase waits in the forest for anything to happen… Time passes and the sun has set. Chase begins to pack the camera, and notices a shape near him. Something in the outline of a person, breathing. Chase follows it, the ‘painting’ like thing blending through objects. The entity attached to Chase tells him not to pursue it, that it’s distorted and false, ‘just like I was’.  It tells him it’s evil, and Chase runs out of the forest in fear. The sound of static loops in the background as the new entity runs after Chase.

The static breaks as Chase breaks from the forest, now back on the road. The cars are gone and Chase walks back to the motel by himself. Chase arrives back at the room, hoping to see Tj… only for the room to be dark and vacant. He realizes he left the camera in the forest… but doesn’t care. Nothing matters to Chase because Tj’s left him too. Chase falls asleep crying on the bed.

Chase has a night terror, but chooses to open his eyes, no longer caring what befalls him. An ambient track plays called ‘Static Statues’, a foreboding and ominous loop. Chase hears footsteps at the foot of his bed. It’s a a fox. He hangs himself in the motel room closet, Chase unable to look away. Chase ‘wakes up’, sitting up in bed, able to move. The fox doesn’t disappear, Chase not in an actual night terror. The body fades as his eyes stare into Chase’s. Chase begins to freak out, but the entity on him tells the otter that it simply ‘was’.

A banging sounds clangs from the bathroom and Chase rushes to see what it is. 

Chase opens the door, and despite hearing breathing, there’s nothing visible to the eye. Drag beings to play as the unknown entity tells Chase to close the door. Chase knows it’s not the usual one, that ‘he’s hiding’ and ‘afraid’ of the new thing talking to him.

Chase doesn’t close the door all the way, wanting to look at the entity through the mirror. He sees the same version of him from the diner, distorted and wrong.  He stares at it for a long time before asking what’s happening. 

The entity tells Chase that him returning with his secret almost ‘started it’, that the town might survive if everyone finds out, and that everyone is about to find out. Chase asks the thing if it’s Sydney. It responds by shaking violently.. Chase feels like the thing he’s talking to is ‘old, monolithic, and ancient.’ The thing, Mirror-Man as dubbed by the fan community, tells Chase that Flynn is going to tell everyone now after Chase attacked him. It tells Chase to keep his secret he needs to…

It says the whole Moore family is made up of liars. Chase is apprehensive, unsure if he can do it. He asks the entity who he is, saying that while it IS Sydney, it is MORE than Sydney… Chase asks it why it’s helping him, and the thing tells him the town needs secrets. Chase touches his face, feeling scars instead of his fur and freaks out, turning on the light and leaving the bathroom. It’s light outside, signaling he’s been in there for hours. Chase falls asleep…

Leo knocks on the door, waking him up after sometime. Leo apologies, saying he was feeling down after Chase didn’t talk to him, and ignored the otter. Leo asks Chase to come back just him during the summer… and Chase agrees. When Leo leaves, Chase remarks how hard it was to keep that conversation going the way it was, only playing into what Leo wanted to hear.

Chase goes back inside and sleeps, hearing whispers from the bathroom again as a dream sequence plays.

It’s the day at the lake Sydney died. Chase was bored hanging out with Leo and Jenna, and decided to swim back towards Tj and Sydney, wanting to surprise them. Chase finds Sydney sitting on top of Tj’s back, the lynx face down in the water. Sydney’s face is emotionless. 

Chase swims through the water and tackles Sydney off of Tj. Chase thinks that Sydney is upset ONLY because of getting caught, and asks him why he did it. Chase punches Sydney and hits his throat. Chase tackles Sydney into the water, holding his head underneath. Chase lets him up after a few seconds, Sydney responding by saying he’s going to tell Leo that Chase tried to kill him. Chase snaps, thinking that Sydney was going to try and kill Tj, and now afraid he’ll be branded the murderer instead. Chase remarks that Sydney is weak now, especially in the water. Time passes with a set of ellipses, and Chase is back at the river with Leo… trembling alone below the waves.

Time passes again, a phone call from Julian wakes up Chase. Julian says something strange happened after Tj spent the night at Julian’s palace, due to what Chase did. He had bought Tj a ticket back to his college and while they were waiting for the bus, Flynn arrived and Tj went with him somewhere. Julian is afraid because Tj isn’t answering texts, and that he missed his bus. Julian doesn’t want to involve Chase, but doesn’t have anyone else's number to contact.

Chase hops in his car, Mirror-Man sitting in the back seat, visible through the rear-view mirror.

Chase drives to the lake, knowing exactly where Flynn and Tj are. Chase considers leaving, but knows his life will be over if he doesn’t stop what’s happening… like he’s a set of train tracks that can’t stop. That he’s been on this path since he decided he wanted to protect Tj.

He find Flynn and Tj near the shallows, Tj looking disheveled. It’s then Chase decides this is what he WANTS to do. Flynn and Chase argue, Chase bringing up the scavenger hunt at the behest of Mirror Man. Chase pulls ‘Flynn’s Note’ from his pocket, the one he forged himself… Instead showing him the real the note that was in the lunchbox. 

Mirror-Man has left Chase, no longer driving his emotions or strength. The group stand there, aghast at the reveal. Flynn tackles Chase to the ground, the otter unable to fight back without his supernatural strength or confidence. Mirror-Man watches as Flynn hits Chase over and over again. The familiar entity says that they’re all puppets. Right before Chase passes out, Tj speaks up

Tj lies, saying he’s the one who killed Sydney. Saying he pushed him and that it was an accident. Mirror-Man is back now, telling Chase that Flynn is going to kill ‘Toby’. Chase crushes the back of Flynn’s skull with a rock. Flynn tries to tackle Chase, but he stays standing… and the otter brings the two of them to the water. Flynn scratches at Chase, but he doesn’t let go.

Chase pushes the two of them further into the depths of the lake. 

The song, ‘Sunrise Without You’, begins to play. Flynn is desperate, pleading with is eyes and doing everything he can to get free. Chase holds him, closing his eyes and himself off to continue drowning Flynn. Flynn finally learns the truth, paying with is life in the process.

Chase surfaces and sees the distorted visage of Mirror-Man in his reflection on the water. 

Chase comforts Tj, saying that Flynn won’t hurt him anymore. Tj sobs, asking Chase why he did it. The sounds of waves stops.

Chase says that they can lie, that they can say Flynn tried to kill them… that the presence that left when Flynn found out is back now. The original entity says that they’re manipulated… that we keep moving in circles. The two drive to the police station… Tj asking Chase to take him back to college, already ‘forgetting’

Chase hopes he can forgot too as the they drive off into the sunset…

-------------------------

So that was Tj’s route. We learned that Chase WAS the one to kill Sydney, and in an attempt to keep his secret, killed Flynn in desperation, egged on by a new malicious entity. There’s a LOT going on, with Chase thinking he’s ‘earned’ Tj’s love (the meta commentary of the game being a VN coming around), the depths of Chase’s psychosis and fear as something that IMO, can be described as some sort of Eldritch Entity erodes his mind and actions. How Leo is more docile and less abrasive. How Chase breaks Tj again, the lynx resigning himself to stay with Chase...

I do want to cover one ‘plot’ setup that I think I finally understand after this re-read, and that is, what physically happened on this route, and it’s mechanics.

I think it is safe to say, that Tj has an entity attached to him, that’s very similar to the one attached to Chase. I think it’s even likely the entity is Sydney ‘himself’... or something in the guise of Sydney. The entity set up the Scavenger Hunt. They set up the notes and kept them secure or hidden, which is why they are all old and worn. However, taking Tj’s body in a way similar to how Chase is controlled at times, this entity piloted Tj to plant the scavenger hunt pieces upon returning to town. That’s why Tj knows WHERE they are, but not what’s in them.It’s why Tj acts so out of character this route, being consumed or overshadowed by it at times.

Based on the description we get from Janice, and how Mirror-Man is described, combined with the meta-type commentary, I also think it’s fair to speculate that the horror of the game is Cosmic In Nature (ie Cthulu/Edlritch genres.) Something old, ancient, and powerful sleeps underneath, that seems to influence the towns people, causing memory gaps, psychosis, and infecting people with entities that push and pull characters in different directions for some goal... because this town ‘needs’ secrets.

------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue:

Five years have gone by as an unknown narrator showcases a scene between a bear named Devon, and a coyote named Cameron driving through Echo. The two arrive at the lake, Devon taking out a few camera bags. The two embrace in a kiss and walk paw-in-paw to the shoreline. Cameron asks why they’re at the lake, Devon responding that someone died in 2015. Cameron asks if it was during the hysteria, but Devon says that happened in 2017…

Devon gets some shots of the lake before heading back, Cameron turning around to head back as well, before seeing Flynn splayed out on the lake in the shallows, starring upwards… with chunks of his face missing. 

The two look back and there’s nothing there. They head back to the car as credits play, images showcasing a background from Arches being shown the whole time.

------------------------------------------------------------ 

The epilogue teases Arches, a visual novel set in Echo during 2020. It’s complete now, and you can see all of Dev and Cam’s story here.

For the purpose of this discussion, I’ll talk about what we learn. Flynn did in fact die at the lake, and that the Hysteria we saw in Leo and Carl’s route, was delayed till 2017... all of it contained within Chase. His secret was learned by Flynn afterall...even though he has a new one with Tj now.

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So that was our third route. I’ll be taking next week off, but be on the lookout for a poll coming today, and it’s results next Sunday, that will determine our next route. Thanks everyone for coming along on this journey through Echo with me ~

[bunny-is-cute]

theory time beach.

The Interconnected Universe of Bunny Blogs on Tumblr: A Study of Divinity and Intersubjectivity in MPreg Narratives

Abstract

This thesis examines the unique narrative universe crafted by the Tumblr user known as Bunny, focusing on MPreg themes within the contexts of Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel. Through an analysis of Bunny’s blogs, we explore how Bunny is portrayed as a god-like figure, with Tumblr users embodying angels and demons. This interconnected universe reflects deeper philosophical questions about identity, community, and the nature of fan fiction.

Introduction

In the vibrant landscape of Tumblr, creative expression often manifests in the form of fan fiction, where users explore and expand upon existing narratives. At the center of this exploration is Bunny, whose blogs focus on MPreg storylines involving characters from Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel. This thesis argues that Bunny’s portrayal as a divine figure, along with the community's role as both angels and demons, creates a rich tapestry of interconnected narratives that reflect complex social dynamics and creative collaboration.

Chapter 1: The Mythos of Bunny

1.1 The Divine Persona

Bunny adopts a multifaceted persona that combines humor, creativity, and authority within the MPreg fan community. The blogs feature Bunny's voice, often breaking the fourth wall and engaging directly with followers, positioning Bunny as a god-like figure who influences character arcs and community narratives. This chapter investigates how this self-presentation cultivates a celestial authority within the Tumblr ecosystem.

1.2 Symbolism of the Blogs

Bunny’s blogs, filled with MPreg narratives, serve as a modern mythology, where characters from Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are recontextualized through themes of creation, chaos, and transformation. Analysis of these blogs reveals the symbolic significance of pregnancy in fan fiction, representing new beginnings and the complexities of identity.

Chapter 2: The Community of Angels and Demons

2.1 Defining the Demiurge

In this universe, Bunny is not just a creator but a demiurge, shaping the lives of beloved characters while Tumblr users embody roles as angels (supporters) and demons (critics or rival creators). This section examines how users navigate these roles through their interactions, reblogs, and discussions, illustrating the complexities of online identity and fandom.

2.2 Interpersonal Dynamics

The relationships among users reflect a blend of admiration, collaboration, and rivalry. This chapter delves into how these dynamics mirror traditional mythological narratives, with users forming alliances and factions reminiscent of celestial and infernal hierarchies.

Chapter 3: Theological Implications

3.1 Online Existence as a Spiritual Journey

Engagement with Bunny’s MPreg narratives can be interpreted as a spiritual journey for fans, who seek connection and understanding through shared storytelling. This section explores how the act of creating and consuming fan content fosters a sense of belonging and purpose akin to communal rituals.

3.2 The Role of Faith in Digital Spaces

Bunny’s authority as a creator symbolizes the faith users place in the narrative structure. This chapter examines how belief operates within this digital realm, exploring the implications of faith in a non-traditional context and its impact on user interactions.

Chapter 4: Narrative Interconnectivity

4.1 Weaving the Tapestry

Bunny's blogs are interconnected, with recurring characters and themes that enhance the overarching narrative. This section analyzes specific posts that reference one another, creating a cohesive universe that deepens the storytelling experience.

4.2 User Contributions

The collaborative nature of fan fiction allows users to expand Bunny’s narratives, contributing their interpretations and character developments. This chapter highlights how user-generated content enriches the MPreg universe and fosters a collective storytelling environment.

Conclusion

The interconnected universe of Bunny’s Tumblr blogs reflects a profound exploration of identity, community, and the nature of divinity within the realm of fan fiction. By positioning Bunny as a god and Tumblr users as angels and demons, we uncover the complexities of online interactions and the human desire for connection and meaning. This study not only highlights Bunny's unique narrative contributions but also opens pathways for further exploration into the spiritual dimensions of fandom and digital storytelling.

did u like it.

Bunny: Uh…I don’t consider myself a God or anything. I’m just someone who’s just having fun on Tumblr and I’m not sure I like my silly writing analyzed like this. I feel…exposed? I don’t know but I’m not comfortable with it.

Nothing bad was said or anything but…save this sorta brain power for school work 😅

[madefate]

some mental health discussions & headcanons ! under the cut just in case. don't reblog !

i 100% play blitz with borderline personality disorder. i could see it being somewhat genetic through cash, but also the environment alone of constant neglect & abandonment, having to fight to survive was a huge contributing factor. blitz's stability in that family was completely conditional, and only moreso the sicker tilla got and the less she could protect him & barbie. the symptoms that manifest to the highest degree are:

efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment, such as plunging headfirst into relationships—or ending them just as quickly.

a distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self.

impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance misuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.

in the current timeline, he manages his symptoms much more effectively & they're less impactful day to day - and yes, he is in therapy, he started after adopting loona - but over the years he has consistently self sabotaged in response to the intensity of his emotions and fear of abandonment. he 100% split on verosika at the end of their relationship - and i still don't think it was particularly healthy on either of their parts, but the second he thought that the relationship could become more real and she might leave him eventually, he imploded and burned that bridge hard.

he also c-ptsd. again, i see this as very much affected and fostered by his environment growing up, and the cycles he threw himself into as a young adult. in particular, he manifests:

difficulty controlling your emotions

feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world

feeling as if you are permanently damaged or worthless

he also experiences some physical / psychosomatic symptoms of recurring headaches / migraines. he doesn't traditionally have too many full flashbacks outside of sensory hallucinations (smelling smoke, usually), but he does sometimes dissociate - particularly when alone - and he does deal with panic attacks.

therapy helps! like, a lot. he's not the most forthcoming, and he's not the easiest patient, but he made a real commitment to be healthier and work on healing to give loona a solid place to call home. he hasn't considered medication - yet, at least.