#reasons that all feel awful and desperately sad tbh.

[where-the-water-flows]

tags from my WIFE GUY @a-memory-a-distant-echo

#when i think about teenage li xiangyi for too long i start to cry#but also this is incredibly funny to me#he's such a self righeous kid too#i bet his lectures are absolutely devastating#by which i mean by the end of it you wish he'd just killed you#anyhow this feels right#BUT ALSO wife guy#re yr tags#i submit to you: consider the average age of many professional athletes#feels like most sports you peak by thirty#unfortunate that this sport comes with politics but like...

no no same, I can't think seriously about little baby teenager li xiangyi too long or I am fully Not Ok, like. he is fifteen. he spent five years trying to make the world fair and then he found out that everyone basically hated him for it. like jesus, the fact that he just went 'peace out, I'm taking the opportunity presented to me to fake my death and become someone else' is insane, I would have just walked into the sea (again) as soon as the monk finished healing me, sorry to my murdered brother's missing corpse but like, fuck, man.

also like, no wonder he was arrogant! he was literally the most powerful guy in the world not counting the fucking emperor -- who he seems to just kinda fucking ignore? anyway?? broke into the palace for funsies??? --, had been in society as not basically a preschooler for approximately half a second before proving he was the most good at sword in, again, the entire world, and he was also a teenager.

all teenagers are arrogant little shits! that's what being a teenager is about! you feel so so much and all the time, and if you're a certain kind of teenager you feel like you have to fix everything right now and it's all on you, except this particular teenager had the bad luck to also be very good at sword, so when he was like "we can fix things! truth! justice!!" everyone around him was like 'well obviously he can and should do this' as opposed to being like, 'you are barely a teenager you are allowed to not fix everything at once'.

anyway, always crying about li xiangyi, tiny baby activist who was already burning out at twenty or however old he was when he went to di feisheng -- his rival! the guy who is gunning for his rank and/or head! the guy who is in charge of the alliance of untrustworthy unorthodox weirdos! -- and was like 'hey, so, everything is fucked, war very bad, if you're chill and I'm chill, between us and our people we're probably scary enough no one will Really start shit up again, possibly we can have a nap for like. maybe five seconds. ten, if we're lucky'

but also. my god he would have been fucking insufferable, this kid is a fucking genius with minimal social awareness and he approaches almost everything as simply a skill issue/git gud problem where you, person who has lost this fight, are the one with the issue, also now you're going to listen to his lecture on how actually the powerful should look out for the weak and also there should be rules and if everyone will just-- [and then you spend the next three hours praying for death or like, someone else to challenge him so you can maybe die in the crossfire?]

That is a very good point about professional athletes, though. Are the upper ranks of the jianghu just a bunch of teenagers with swords running around murdering the shit out of each other, with the occasional feature from someone who got a high rank before fucking off to live as a hermit on a mountain? like a quarantine measure, but for very athletic and competitive teenagers with strong feelings about social policy, probably no one is going to overthrow the ruling power that be (not you shan gudao) because they've got like, six years, max, before they get some awful crippling injury attempting the jianghu equivalent of a quintuple axle and have to retire from everything on account of the might makes right nature of how anyone seems to like. follow sect politics in the jianghu? (i know genre convention is a little more normalised and there are like, ruling families of sects, etc, but sigu sect and jinyuan alliance are both very explicitly formed on social ties, not blood ones (ignoring whatever saintess did about getting nanyin loyalists in), and sure, the jinyuan alliance limped along for a decade with Di Feisheng in the JICU, but it very much limped along, and also was not as far as we see, ever actively political the way sigu sect was. Sigu sect was a cult of personality, and once li xiangyi was not there, it imploded immediately; sure, in this case, it kinda limped along a little, but how many other cult of personality sects set up by bright eyed young powerhouses just imploded and vanished as soon as the next guy came along to kick them off the ranking list?)

look I am halfway through a draft thinking about the shittiest nurse/worst buddy cop duo au, and have had the hilarious and also terrible realisation that like.

Li xiangyi is fifteen when he defeats the blood demon and becomes the top ranked guy in the jianghu, right? he's fifteen. a teenager.

he holds that rank until his death, I'm assuming, given we don't get told otherwise and a lot of the rank fights we hear about end in uhhhh someone's death, though given di feisheng is the guy we hear the most about having those fights possibly that is just a him thing and everyone else has less than a 99.5% combat fatality rate.

whatever! we're proceeding on the assumption that Li xiangyi is top dog from the point he gets the rank until he "dies" in the east sea.

which means that for five years, the top ranked martial artist is a fucking teenager. presumably a number of people try to challenge him*, which means that a number of people rock up to a literal teenager and are like YOU, ME, FIGHT!?

and then get their ass kicked. by a teenager who has not finished having growth spurts, and whose voice is still 9000% cracking.

imagine facing the best martial artist in the world, who is all teenaged gangling limbs, proceeds to kick your ass, and then (assuming you're not uh. dead from terminal sword-itis) gives you some self impressed incredibly annoying teenager lecture on what the fuck ever. his voice cracks four times in ten minutes. you do not laugh, because he did just kick your ass, but also, maybe it would have been better to die.

*other than di feisheng? what are you doing for those five years there bud, like yes setting up the alliance but also? bestie you explicitly do not care about that, we've all been in jobs/community projects we hate but c'mon, babygirl, surely you could make time for a play date somewhere in the literal five years you had to organise it?? maybe he got to rank 2 way after Li xiangyi made rank 1, but still?? we are talking at minimum about 3 years at rank 2 probably, and I too have failed to organise a meet up for years on end but still. get it together mate, wuyan seems great at organisation in the approximately seven seconds of screen time he has, maybe let him handle your calendar appointments

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 2 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1])

agatha going UGH!!!!! when she sees jen's name. are you a toddler?? are you four????

"bougie probiotique" lmao

AGATHA

she's here she's queer she's gonna put an egg up her vajeer

sasheer zamata the glorious gay goddess that you are

"jen the potions guy" sounds amazing. I'd use that on my business cards

aaand once again I'm billy

I love that these two have clearly known and hated each other for centuries - sometimes you just see an enemy and immediately go, oh it's you motherfucker. and I think that's beautiful. (dear lord that store is so pink)

and once again: hilarious dialogue, heavy and dark undertones. jen has very, very legitimate reasons to hate and mistrust agatha, even more than she realizes. she will never open up to agatha like the others, and that's both fair and sexy of her. tbh she was too kind all things considered, that bitch deserved her ass kicked from here to the afterlife

case in point, agatha knows jen well enough to manipulate her into joining them. and jen knows agatha well enough to say what will hurt her. she picked the worst thing she could come up with

billy and the audience don't notice that agatha has just been stabbed in the heart

partners in crime, once again! agatha is so proud of her boy's lil manipulative side. and yep, billy is not as naive as he tries to appear. he's still a bit clueless, but he tries.

love how they're so deliberate in depicting the witches as a legit community with its own culture and history.

watch this scene again. now think about the rage and soul and desperation jen pours into winning her powers back from agatha. look at the way these two are being both so casual and so callous about jen's deep, bleeding trauma. not so funny a scene anymore, is it?

agatha shoving a fistful of paper in her mouth so she doesn't have to say rio's name also goes to the top five funniest list. she'll never beat the toddler allegations

and now she's gobbling a corn dog! see what I have to deal with here?? how can I keep it classy?

what's really iconic is bringing your gay son to hot topic

alice always looks a little hunched down, as if she had, idk, a giant disgusting harpy sitting on her shoulders. the more I think about it the sadder it gets

oooh, those are dorothy pigtails. i get it now.

you know, I said yesterday that agatha successfully cons jen and alice, but that's not true. she couldn't have swayed jen without billy's help, and she had alice completely wrong. she thought alice was looking for her mom, but Lorna didn't die on the Road and alice always knew it was a con - she's actually the world's biggest Road expert after agatha herself. seems like Agatha is pretty desperate and out of her depth without her mind reading powers. (wait, do we think billy is the one doing the mind reading, is that why he got to jen so easily?)

seeing her being so cruel with people's deep seated traumas is really upsetting me. especially considering how she guards her own trauma. feeling guilty afterwards is no justification, she knows exactly what she's doing.

these two need their own show. oh wait, they already have it.

but agatha saying "we don't need her" and then pushing people around in the mall - she is upset about what she just did to alice. and she's almost relieved she said no, that she gets to spare her. sweet, sad alice, so spiky on the outside, soft as a marshmallow on the inside. she did not deserve any of this. her death is entirely on agatha.

sighing and looking wistfully out of the window, she's in pain but determined to go on

meanwhile detective agnes is working hard to figure billy out, you can practically see the gears turning inside her head. I think at this point she already kind of knew, tbh. "I have a theory, but I need more."

aw

see you next for the ending of episode 2. and this time I'm giving a shoutout to @one-step-at-a-time25, who was having a lot of fun in the tags!

go to episode 2 part 4

[fuckyeahmhawkefenris]

It is unbearably quiet on tumblr lately, and what little talking there is, it's all about the next game. Yeah, we're no longer in 2012, I get it.

I'll just keep entertaining myself however I can.

I've always wanted to talk about one fic I secretly refer to as one of the hidden gems in the fenhawke archives. I have never ever seen anyone bring it up, and in all these years I've never dared to recommend it to anyone... Don't think you can even find it so easily? For good reason tbh...

Thing is, it's a fill for da kink community on livejournal. Anyone remember that place? The safe haven where anyone could anonimously submit the kinkiest most shameless things you could think of - offering prompts, filling them... Those were some desperate times when we were painfully low on content, and it was very hard to find something to read. Finding a story with characterization that suited your vision was near impossible!

I myself was desprate enough to brave through countless pages of imageries I could not stomach, skimming through them just to get the general idea until something captured my attention.

So I found this, and honestly, to this day to me it is one of the best examples of... idk, not just good characterization, but the overall feeling of the fenhawke relationship, why I can't let go of them after 12 years? It's all subjective, of course, but no fanfic ever resonated with me as deeply as this. Also back then mage Hawke was not very popular and most stories featured rogues... I used to be very sad and lonely!

Warning: it's extremely triggery. I wouldn't even recommend reading the first part at all, because it's too difficult and painful to get through. Hell, I couldn't read it! I was looking through the text very VERY briefly to get only the most basic and vague understanding of what was happening, and it was still hard! There is a lot of abuse, rape, slavery things...

To get the idea:

The Alone quest did not get resolved as planned. Danarius managed to win that battle, captured Fenris and returned to Tevinter, gravely injuring Hawke in the process (Fenris thought he was killed). To break the remains of his will, Danarius threatens to erase Fenris's memories of Hawke, and he succumbs and stops resisting altogether. I don't want to recall the details, but it was awful. Go straight to part 17 (it's a flashback) to read a very lovely take on fenhawke first night together. It's super sweet and gentle, though painfully sad in context. Still, beautiful. Well, it gets worse before it gets better! Somewhere in part 19 Fenris's friends come for him (they sailed all the way here on Isabela's new ship) and he's rescued. What follows is an exceptionally touching tender reunion with Hawke. Oh, and then, once all is settled comes the second part - All the King's men, which is much less controversial and fairly easy to read. Fenris copes with his experiences, and Hawke is always there for him. There are some truly fantastic moments as they slowly get close to each other again! Isabela is pretty great here, and Anders... sorta made me warm up to his character? And it's all fairly believable and close to how we see them in the game.

I'm saying all this and linking this fic on the off chance that someone with tastes similar to mine ever needs something like it. I know I am grateful it exists, and still hold it very dear to my heart. Definitely never regretted finding it!

[rockonfishboy]

All my rambling thoughts while watching TADC episode 3

Watched this episode with a friend when it came out and I have! Feelings!! So here’s my rough approximation of some of my thoughts on it while watching!

Spoilers ahead!

——— • Love the gang hanging out together

• “And Zooble turns straight!” JAX NO

• “What do YOU, the VIEWERS, think it is?” Mm. Don’t like that. • Every time “Today’s Adventure” plays I just grin like an idiot, I’m SO happy it’s in every episode

• Caine being desperate to create an adventure that Zooble will go on is a really interesting concept

• I miss Gummigoo ;^;

• OHH THE LIGHTING IN THIS EPISODE. THE VIBES!! THE HAUNTED MANSION!!! IMMACULATE. I cannot possibly gush about it enough.

• “I’m not really a fan of horror, and I don’t really handle jumpscares that well.” She’s just like me

• Ohhh the ghost is so cute 🥺 what a little guy-oh, whelp, goodbye

• RAGATHA’S HORRIFIED FACE IS SENDING ME

• Oh that’s nightmare fuel :D

• “You know, I’m starting to think…” oh. oh that’s-that’s the end of the sentence.

• “Well, this is some rather inconvenient lore placement” I love Kinger

• THE 2D EYES

• Them being fixated on the fly is so funny to me for no reason

• NEW SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON JUST DROPPED

• “You look beautiful, honey”

• “UUUUUP!!” AHDAJGDA

• Zooble therapy time!

• Oh no,, sad therapy time

• Aw Zooble :( dang

• Caine is 100% listening to Zooble when they tell him to ‘just forget it’ and I don’t think they realize that. Poor Zooble

• OH GOD OH NO CAINE. He’s just as trapped as the rest of them

• “I ended up shooting the love of my life” Kinger’s face here worries me

• “Okay I won’t” the humour in this show is so good man

• HE DID NOT MISS

• Kinger protecting Pomni, I love them actually

• “w h a t” *WHEEEEEZE*

• THE GIRLS HAVING A TEA PARTY IS SO GOOD. I love Martha, she seems so chill

• Jax being tied up made me laugh really hard. Yes, good, keep it that way. He deserves it.

• Tbh Caine putting in a pacifist route is more than I expected him to do

• “How’s your wife, Kinger?” THE AGONIZED SCREECH I LET OUT, OUUUGHHH MY HEART-RUDE AND UNCALLED FOR, ACTUALLY

• “Seven years of computer science for this, huh?” OH????

• “He just wants me to suffer.” Hm,, I don’t think she’s talking about Caine there

• “How about we just relax for a bit while nothing’s chasing us?” Awww

• Pomni crying,, ouch :(

• OH BACKSTORY?? NO TEASE?? JUST RIGHT INTO THE PAIN????

• “She was funny, creative, really into entomology. I used to hate bugs, but she somehow got me to like them.” Cute established/married couples where one just gushes about the other usually makes me weak but this time it HURTS

• Oh god I love them so much and she’s not even HERE

• Their whole talk is sooooo good and heartbreaking. I love their father-daughter / grandfather-grandchild dynamic, it’s so well done.

• “I’m glad you’re here with me.” SOB

• “As long as you remember it, things will be okay.” PLEASE I CAN’T DO THIS

• Glowstick

• Pomni thanking Ragatha for always looking out for her and Ragatha looking so taken aback and grateful AUGGGHHH. YES. Ragatha deserves SO much love.

• “Did you remember to get my comedy mask?” “…F*$&!” AHDJAHDA

• “It wasn't that bad, actually.” AWWWW

My expectations for this episode were high but DANG. The team absolutely knocked this one out of the park. Definitely my favourite episode so far.

Kinger’s one of if not my favourite character and I’m SO happy he got so much focus. His and Pomni’s relationship and him comforting her is devastating and beautiful and I can’t even say anything about it without just devolving into

Anyways, I can’t wait to fanart about this episode like a normal, functioning person!

[valentine-writes]

ur writing is super good!! sorry if i’m piling on with this, but any angst with miguel? i need this man put in a blender

if you need to be mean

「 tws + notes: vv possibly ooc, unedited, spider-person reader, unhealthy dynamic, assorted angst, hurt/comfort ending, reader is cold, miguel doesn't know how to deal with emotions, everyone is a wreck but they're all trying so hard :( </3 」

「 gn!reader, man idek if this is platonic or romantic tbh y'all r just messy here 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099

author's note: THANK U SM!! and i got u!!! i am. so excited 2 practice more for him– anon please don't be upset w/ me,, but,,, (´∩｀。),,, i physically don't think i can write Pure Angst. i wud b no good at it!! :p so! hurt/comfort in the end ๐·°(৹˃̵��˂̵৹)°·๐ i CANT JUS,, END IT SAD,, </3 i am so so sorry!! also so so real putting him in tha blender at the Highest Speed ever,,, he iz my milk webkin fr (lovingly) (kinda) some real quick stuff: this was gonna b short but i Overdid It and im still unsure whether i like it or not. and also. i was supposed to have the reader being mildly Messed Up™️ too cuz "hehehehe letz make this more difficult >:))" (also becuz miguel is NOT the only one allowed to have issues + too many angsts i have read where reader jus takes what miguel dishes out passively and i didn't want that) BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT WORSE AJDHDQWHJE,,, hopefully this is. angst galore. again i am not great w this <( _ _ )> <//3

▸ maintaining a healthy relationship with miguel– in any form– proves to be difficult.

this is especially prevalent in the beginning stages of your developing relationship. you begin to learn that he is terrible with verbally expressing any affection he feels towards you. some days he seems almost so completely distant that there’s valid reason to worry that he just doesn't care about you anymore.

these worries are the furthest thing from the truth– miguel hasn't cared about someone to this extent in a while. still, he finds himself lacking, completely unable to tell you how much you mean to him.

▸ sometimes he grows fearful that he's become too attached to you. he aware he's in too deep at this point, yet conflict rages on in his mind: whether it's better to hold on as tight as he can to keep you in his life, or let you go before something rips you away from him.

part of him is worried it's only a matter of time before something happens.

these thoughts are usually quelled by drowning himself in tasks and missions, using his focus on work as a means of distraction.

when there's nothing left to shut them out, he chooses to avoid you instead of seeking reassurance.

there are times when you don't see him for days straight. he doesn't send you on any missions, doesn't contact you, actively avoids you when you're inside of the HQ– and when you eventually see him again, he avoids speaking of it. you both understand you're meant to pretend like nothing happened.

you're not beyond doing the same to him. miguel is distraught with how similar you two can be, how you reflect him and he reflects you in unique and awful ways– ways that only the two of you can understand.

▸ whenever you choose to be the one to spontaneously ditch, however,,, there are moments where he gets desperate and ends with him seeking you out,, usually by assigning you a mission just so you have a reason to come back

no matter who leaves– whether it's you or miguel– you both end up taking each other back in the end, half-heartedly reaching the unspoken agreement that this is the way you two “reconcile.” you grow accustomed to this back and forth.

you're both wonder who this is hurting more.

▸ never wants to be seen as clingy or needy. wants to convince himself he can make it on his own, that things are somehow better that way. miguel feels a deep frustration in the fact that he can't seem to process his emotions in a proper manner.

he seeks solace in solitude, even if it never fully works. he's willing to settle with feeling "okay" instead of "better." (self isolation moment.)

asking for help on missions is one thing. asking for personal help is another, which means that offering him support on his bad days is always a hit or miss.

most of the time, if someone chooses to extend their hand to him, it's typical that he swats it away and insists he doesn't need anything. he doesn't accept help easily– even when it's from you.

▸ there's always the off chance he lets you stick around. he's silent as you find a place for the two of you to sit down. once he’s comfortable, he leans against your side.

the quiet in the room isn't tense. it isn't scary. you know he just doesn't want to talk about what’s bothering him often. he can't even verbalize how much you mean to him– how is he meant to explain any of his other emotions to you?

"it's okay." you whisper, breaking the silence in the room. "just... take your time."

even though your words are as soft you can manage, it feels like you're yelling in contrast to his complete wordless state. you glance over at him. miguel doesn't meet your gaze.

"i'll be here for you," his expression softens ever so slightly at your words as you reassure him, "i promise."

he only mutters one word in response: "don't."

▸ (next headcanon based off of this art from instagram. slide two specifically.)

you can still remember the first time he ever cried in front of you. it's been a vivid memory in your head ever since it happened– not because of why it happened– but because of how it happened.

"you haven't been around for days, miguel." it's been almost more than a week since you've last seen him. this time, you sought him out– not to bring him back into your life, but to confront him one last time. after deliberating for longer than you cared to mention, you finally decided you were going to make things right or get out of his life for good.

and there he is, standing on his platform. it's lowered to the ground, the orange holographic screens surrounding him empty, displaying nothing. they emit a soft glow in the dark of the room.

"tell me what's wrong." you demand. the tone in your voice is unfamiliar to him. you're not making any effort to conceal how thin your patience has been wearing.

his back is turned to you. he doesn't say a word until you approach the lowered platform he stands on.

"go away."

"what? like you've been doing this entire time?" you retort.

"go away." he repeats more forcefully. his anger doesn't scare you away. nothing ever does.

you stare at him unflinchingly. "not until you tell me what's wrong."

miguel knows you're going to stand firm. you're going to stay until he tells you. as he lifts his head, glancing over his shoulder to speak to you, you brace yourself– you wait for him to yell. to lash out. anything.

he just looked at you. his eyes, stinging with tears, meeting your stare.

you don't remember what was hurting him that day. you can't recall what made him breakdown in front of you. no, this is the part you remember.

miguel's large frame looks so much smaller as he attempts to shrink himself, as if trying to hide from you. he averts his gaze, trying to blink back the tears and fails horribly.

he has nothing left to do. miguel hides his face in his hand, even if it’s only the two of you in the room. he’s humiliated– completely ashamed– that he can’t seem to stop his crying. for a moment, you’re frozen, unsure of what to do.

it's a drastic change from how you know him. standing in front of you, miguel seems more like an inconsolable child, rather than the detached and icy person most knew him as.

"don't look at me." those are the only audible words miguel manages to choke out between stifled sobs. he cries like a little boy.

and you hate it. you hate how hard he makes it hard to stay angry at him. you hate that no matter what you do, you can't stay away.

the tension in your body dissolves slowly, jaw unclenching as you sigh to yourself. you’re caving already.

it takes you a moment, but you know you can't leave him like this.

slowly approaching him, you quietly wrap your arms around him from behind, gentle enough for him to pull away from your touch if he didn't want it. he doesn't protest. you swear you can feel him subconsciously lean in.

"it's okay," you mutter, "i got you."

▸ miguel makes sure to talk to you the next day after you comforted him. to your surprise, it wasn't to tell you to keep that moment between the two of you– he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't say a word.

he was there to say thank you. simple and plain as that. he thanked you for sticking around. thanked you for being there even though he constantly pushed you away.

and you couldn't find the energy to respond. horribly disheartening to miguel, considering this is the most effort he had put in to communicate with you– but understandable. he didn't push you any further.

as awful as it felt to know, you didn't want a thank you. you didn't need his gratitude for your stubbornness.

it was much too late for a thank you to resolve the days he left you without a word, only to return expecting everything to be the same. it was much too late for a thank you to make you feel better about the fact you ended up comforting him even after everything. those words couldn't fix anything.

you wanted a goddamn apology.

▸ it's been almost three weeks since you'd last been seen around the spider society hq.

nobody seemed to be aware of the reason for your sudden disappearance. miguel was worried sick.

his temper is shorter, his patience is waning, and he’s willing to snap if anyone even mildly irritates him. it’s an unpleasant experience for everyone.

he'd tried to find you by tracking your watch, which proved to be useless. you were too clever for that– you'd made yourself undetectable, somehow disabling or destroying it before you left. miguel could’ve hunted you down, searching every place in the multiverse to find you again, once more to see you. but he didn't have to. the moment he had decided to start the search, your watch went active again, allowing him to locate where you were. like you were beckoning him over.

he didn’t hesitate to meet you there, stepping through a portal to get to you. notably, you weren’t in your own universe– but he wasn’t going to scold you for that. not now.

there you were. it was almost dream-like to him, seeing you sitting in the grassy fields in the middle of nowhere, the outline of your frame illuminated by the moonlight. the night air was filled with tension, as you sensed him approach from behind and quietly sit beside you.

he’s the one to break the silence. your name slips from his lips, as he’s about to speak up–

"hey." you greeted flatly, cutting him off. you glance at him with a weak smile, chuckling dryly. "so... you need something?"

"...no." miguel glanced around at the unfamiliar setting. just before he can get anything out, you part your lips to speak again, looking up at the dark sky, glittering above the two of you.

“i forget that new york doesn’t have the best view of the stars.” you murmur. “light pollution and all that shit… so y’know,, this is nice. i missed this type of view.”

he nods in agreement, though the small talk about the stars isn’t what he wanted from you.

you continue with your little ramble, seemingly just saying whatever came to mind. “speaking of cities– how’s your corner of the multiverse been? has nueva york been fine? feels like forever since i’ve been there.”

miguel tries not to be distracted by your casual conversation or your obvious allusions to your absence. he sees the way your shoulders are held tense, the way your gaze flits over at him expectantly– miguel knows you’re just waiting for him to talk about it, anticipating what he’s oing to say next.

"i– look–” he takes in a breath, finding the words he had been planning to say all this time. “i know. i know i messed up, and i messed up a lot. …i just came here to tell you i'm sorry. for everything."

there’s a momentary lapse of silence between the two of you. the tension is immeasurable as he watches you shift your sitting position, facing him entirely.

"you should be. asshole."

miguel sighs. “i… really should’ve expected that.”

“you know, migs? i tried so hard to just leave you alone.” the previous confidence in your voice wavers. there’s no bitterness in your words, no malice. he hears it in your tone: you’re just worn down, utterly emotionally exhausted.

he hears a sniffle, causing him to turn his full attention to you. the tears glisten as they fall from your eyes and drip down your cheeks. you make no attempt to shy away.

“what are we gonna do now?” you ask, looking over at him. your voice is faint. small. “i can’t let you go– and for fuck’s sake, you won’t even let me– so… what now?”

“i… don’t know.” he confesses. his hand makes his way to yours, placed atop it. his other wipes your tears away, trembling as he touches your cheek with all the tenderness there is, like he’s afraid he might hurt you. he whispers your name again, and it is the sweetest sound you’ve heard in a while.

miguel usually thinks he’s no good at comforting others. but in this moment, you would’ve never known that. he doesn’t hesitate to pull you into an embrace, holding you in his arms like you’re the most precious thing in the world. he’s not leaving you to suffer alone. he’s not leaving you like that ever again.

“you don’t have to forgive me.” he whispers to you. miguel knows he can’t repair all the damage he’s done. he knows you might never be able to look at him the same. And for once, he’s fine with that. he just needs to know you’ll be okay. “...just, please. let me do this for you.”

[queenaeducan]

six song soundtrack

tagged by @inquisimer & @pickelda

If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following: 1. An event that defines your character's past 2. How your character sees themselves 3. How others view them 4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic) 5. A major fight scene 6. End credits song

This one goes out to Thora Cadash! Brief explanations under the cut.

Eat Your Young by Hozier

Q.U.E.E.N. by Janelle Monae

Our Lady of the Underground from Hadestown

Heroes by David Bowie

Sleeping Giants by The Crane Wives

Hammering Heart by John Mark McMillan

An event that defines your character's past.

Come and get some Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

Thora joined the Carta at a young age, destroying parts of herself (and her childhood) to make a living with one of the few paths open to her. It also comes to reflect how she feels about her own lyrium smuggling, the preying they do upon addicts or exploiting free mages for coin.

How your character sees themselves

Hey sister, am I good enough for your heaven? Say will your God accept me in my black and white? Will he approve the way I'm made? Or should I reprogram, deprogram and get down?

A big reason this is on her playlist tbh is "vibes" and "b/c i like it" BUT. One of Thora's struggles in Inquisition is becoming accepted for who she is, in all her oddities and idiosyncrasies, while also being the face of a quasi-religious movement. Q.U.E.E.N. I think speaks to her successes on that front, and the questions she asks in the exploration of those ideas.

How others view them

Wipe away your tears brother Brother, I know how you feel I can see you're blinded by the sadness of it all But look a little closer and Everything will be revealed

I admittedly struggled with this one, and I'm still not entirely happy with the choice because the themes of Hadestown as a musical don't align with what I have in mind for her story. That being said, Thora is deified and idolised by many, so a song sung by a goddess is fitting. Like Persephone, she is associated with the underworld and the world of the living, a return to normalcy, even if that isn't what she necessarily provides.

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

We can be heroes Just for one day We can be heroes

This was my tag for Solas and Thora on my rp blog for her even before the trailer used a cover of it. It doesn't really take a lot of the original meaning of the song into account, but I do think it speaks to their friendship. Like a) Thora has done things that she thinks are wrong (keeping Celene around, drinking from the Well) but doesn't think it means tomorrow she can't make the right choice and b) she thinks the same can be true for Solas. They CAN be heroes!!! Thank u.

A major fight scene

I feel the mountains I feel the mountains shifting under me The sleeping giants Are finally waking, waking finally My pulse is clear, rushing in my ears I hear something calling me

This, to me, is the Corypheus fight song at the end. Thora does The Descent before the end of the game because I Do What I Want, so she goes into the game knowing that the Stone is real. It's beneath her feet, it's over their heads, larger than them both. She's been to Cadash Thaig. She knows her ancestors, now, and the things they did to keep the people they loved safe. She isn't the woman desperate to survive Haven's onslaught, and she's read to face her enemy head-on.

End credits song

The force of the sun Pounds the earth asunder The torch of her strength None can escape Like the hammering heart of The Maker

A low-key song which sings about really loud, awe-inspiring things that just fits Thora well and is a good song to lead out out!

Tagging: @dreadfutures, @nomorecaffeineforyou, @theshirallen, @valorcorrupt, @salesmain

[edelgarfield]

GENUINELY mn piss me off because they've been nothing but passive-aggressive, condescending and bossy towards bh and the fandom is like "they should be the ones to make the choice to save the gods (keep them) and not bh because bh shouldn't make a choice for everyone!" ignoring that mn are VERY BIASED in favor of the gods who adore them. fjord is just like "uhhh melora helped me so stfu" and everyone acts like it's the most nuanced take ever

people are saying WHAT.

I don't have anything against MN and I think their points & opinions are fair. they're obviously being massive jerks towards BH (some of them, Caleb is being pretty kind) but it's all in good fun & in some ways they have a point. Objectively, MN & VM are much more powerful than BH. Level 20 is basically demigod territory. BH is powerful for sure, but as they said, the reason they're being sent into the lion's den is bc they have Ruidusborn. (I also have a pet theory that they truly might be being used as cannon fodder, like you guys keep Ludinus busy while we fire a death ray at the moon, but that's just speculation)

And being Ruidusborn vs. not is much like gaining the gods' favor, seemingly a random thing that no one has any control over, & it's just as unfair.

But yes, MN has a right to their faith but it's also like, they're incredibly fortunate to have been given the gifts they have. And I mean, depending how far down the rabbit hole you go it's like, why did Melora wait until after Fjord made his pact to save him? Why didn't she protect him from Uk'otoa in the first place? Why did the Stormlord wait for Yasha to be exiled, & her wife killed. Why didn't he intervene before that? Like depending on how cynical you are, there's definitely an argument to be made that the gods intentionally wait for people to be at their most desperate before intervening in order to feel indebted to them.

And like, Caduceus who's spent his whole life in service of the Wildmother like. Listen everyone's going to see it differently but he very much reminds me of isolated small towns where daily life is centered completely around religion. like his family is tasked with preserving their temple & watching over the Savalirwood, and Caduceus is happy doing that which is great. But like. Why is that his job? Why should his entire bloodline serve the Wildmother instead of having the freedom to choose their own path? Like she's getting Hundreds of years of service & devotion and what is she giving them in return? A small fragment of her power? Caduceus has given her his WHOLE LIFE, quite literally everything that's within his power to give, & the Wildmother simply can't return the favor. I know I'm jaded by religious trauma, but that will never sit right with me. His family would support him if he left, but the burden of responsibility is SO MUCH, an entire BLOODLINE weighing on his shoulders. And his temple in the woods is what he knows & what he's comfortable with so why would he ever leave? idk it's just sad to me to have your whole life decided for you before you're even born. like I'm glad he's happy, but it's about the freedom of choice, and the life he would have chosen to live if he hadn't carried that weight for all his years.

and surprisingly, his advice is the best, as always. bc I think there's a decent possibility that in all of this, Predathos might be a victim too. Like I certainly feel bad for it, it doesn't deserve to be locked up for an eternity for the crime of being hungry. Like obviously if it's going to destroy the world there's no choice, but I still feel bad and I feel like in all of this no one thinks about that, not even the gods. The gods are afraid, which makes sense. But I can still feel compassion for something I'm afraid of. I feel awful for aggressive animals that are euthanized, even if I understand why it's done. They don't know any better & it's not their fault but we still need to protect ourselves.

god this is long but yeah, tbh I think as BH said there really isn't a right choice and it's going to come down to how they feel & how things shake out. I suspect Matt has some things planned to tip the scales towards releasing Predathos bc come on. You can't tease Predathos for 120 eps and not show us. In truth, yeah, I don't think BH has the right to make that choice for everyone, but in the same vein neither does MN. no one has the right to decide that on behalf of the entire world, but the choice still needs to be made and someone has to do it.

[raikkonenvettels]

There are a looot of good ones on the list. I can't choose only one so I'll list my faves and let you choose (or combine if you want to). 😊❤

being able to lay on them comfortably no matter the position.

being able to sit/work in a comfortable silence

that little panicked reach for them (ready to catch them at all costs) if they trip ever so slightly

massages whenever they seem stressed

hugs from behind and gentle kisses on the shoulder >>>

"i've got this, you go rest."

ok this is very late, but finally i have something!!! i am so so so sorry but school is kicking my ass so hard it’s not even funny lol

so uh basically this is the first of four prompt fics bc tbh this prompts are amazing (thank u so much v, your mind is >>>>>>>) so i want to write many stories but idk if i can do it in an acceptable amount of time so i’ll publish the first one lol (i could tag you in the next ones when they come out maybe?)

anyways, this is my omegaverse au with hurt/comfort (and also i tried to insert something about hearts bc i know you love them so yeah). i hope you enjoy!!!

being able to sit/work in a comfortable silence

It had become a habit of theirs, sitting in silence on the living room’s couch.

It all started when Kimi retired, which meant that Seb couldn’t see him as much as he wanted - at least not without looking desperate, and that was the last thing he wanted. But he still missed seeing him so much, his familiar and comforting presence never failing to make his anxiety and fears go away.

But the more times Seb came home to the pack house after races, the more he started to notice a pattern: Kimi spent an awful lot of time in the living room as of late, something he didn’t do much in the past, always preferring to keep to himself in his room.

Seb concluded that the quiet Alpha was trying to compensate for the time he didn’t spend with the pack on track by doing that, and the fact that he was trying to come out of his shell a bit more made Seb not only proud, but also extremely happy. After all, Kimi deserves only good things, and pack comfort is one of those.

On a special night though, something much different happened.

The race weekend had been tough on everyone, which meant that when everyone came back, they had all instantly gone to sleep, to recuperate both mentally and physically. Everyone, of course, except Seb.

The Omega had felt restless ever since he came home, like there was something extremely wrong with something - or someone? - but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. So after half an hour of tossing and turning around in his bed, he sat up and sighed.

He knew he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, not with the uneasy feeling in his mind, so got up, leaving his (well, technically Kimi’s) Lotus sweater behind, before changing out of his sleepwear and putting on some outside clothes. He then went out of his room to go downstairs and out of the house, in the beautiful rose-covered garden, where his makeshift swing was calling his name.

As he got to the bottom of the stairs though, he noticed someone sitting on the couch, silently staring at the wall in front of them. Seb instinctually went closer to the person, his curiosity taking the lead of his actions, and he was shocked to find Kimi there. So that’s why I felt weird before, my mate needed me…

(He’d never felt more grateful for the partial and incomplete bond they shared for making him actually get out of bed)

The Finn hadn’t noticed him approaching, seemingly still lost in the depth of his mind, a sad frown twisting his features. That expression alone made fear bubble in the German’s stomach: he’d never seen it on Kimi’s face, and he was getting increasingly worried about the reason it might be there.

So he did the only logical thing he could have: he silently sat on the couch and took the Alpha’s hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly, a silent “I am here for you” clear in his actions.

It was only then that Kimi snapped out of his daze, his teary eyes now looking into Seb’s, which made the desire to hug him bubble in his body, but assuming Kimi wouldn’t appreciate it from him, he just squeezed his hands harder. Kimi completely surprised him though, unexpectedly dragging Seb’s body towards himself and burying his head in the Omega’s chest near his heart, his arms tight around the other’s waist, and oh, Seb genuinely felt like crying of pure happiness.

It was evident from the Alpha’s reaction that he was really upset, even more than Seb could have imagined, and the fact that he was the one Kimi sought that comfort from made him emotional, but also incredibly happy. From the Finn’s position Seb could tell that the other was listening to his heart, probably to reassure himself that yes, Seb was still there, alive and well. Seb just squeezed the Alpha against himself, enjoying the feeling of his mate relaxing in his hold.

No words were exchanged, the comfortable silence eventually lulling them both to sleep, curled against each other. Tomorrow they’d talk, but in that moment it had all been perfect.

(And from then on, it became their thing: when one of them was alone on that couch, feeling sad or lonely, the other would come and sit with them in silence, holding the other’s hand and making them know they would always be there for each other.)

i just want everyone to imagine charles waking up and going to the living and seeing them cuddled up on the couch together. pretty sure his soul could have ascended to heaven tbh.

anyways, thank u so much v for your prompts bc they were perfect!!! hopefully this made you feel a bit better i know you’ve been having a rough time lately <33333

[esther-dot]

Lyanna and Elia death actually hit the readers with emotions. Both were innocent who died because of others actions. We get to know about them more from their close families and friends and we sympathize with them. The way Ned, Oberyn and Doran mourn them leaves impact. Ned tore down the tower of Joy and commit treason to protect Jon. Oberyn risk his own life to seek justice for his sister. Yet same can't be said about Rhaegar because the people and his family has no real connection or emotions with him. Viserys never really told Dany about Rhaegar being a brother. Dany is obsessed with the idea of Rhaegar who she don't know. Jon Con who is obsessed with him had no real connection with him.

(prev ask)

They really do! Martin did a very good job conveying horror and grief over their fates. I won’t insert the quote about Elia, it’s so deeply disturbing, and the image of her babies before the throne… devastating. Everyone talks about Ned's trauma for a reason, even though we're books past his last breath, his memories of Lyanna's death, his inner torment, they're haunting.

Tbh, I'm gonna happily hate on Rhaegar regardless of where Martin takes things, so I have to really work to be unbiased. But, when I look at certain elements that pop up in Jon’s chapters that are meant to reach back into pre-canon and bring Rhaegar into the story, I’ve evolved how I read it, and don’t think Martin was writing Rhaegar as a sadistic fuck. I have to think, given the contradictory pictures we're given, that Martin is writing about what he repeatedly has written about. What do we do with people who are several things, different things, all at once?

The Hound saves Sansa, then threatens her life. Tyrion is a villain who chooses to not have sex with Sansa because he can't ignore her fear. Jon sees Ygritte weep over a song and the fate of giants, smile at him, and then callously murder an innocent man before nearly killing Jon. Martin believes in what I’ve called “expansive” characterization. They characters are multifaceted not to make us ignore one side, but to ask us to develop our ability to feel fear and compassion, to feel warmth and a chill, to find things to love and hate in the same place.

I admire that and think it's crucial not only to fully enter the characters' worlds and POV, but to be able to embrace the anti war theme. The books have so much more meaning when I accept that I love Ned, I believe the Westerosi were right to overthrow the Targs, but from Dany’s perspective, she is right to despise Starks. Her family was killed. To have Targs and Starks alike think of what Elia’s babies suffered with horror, even while they are on opposing sides of the war, that’s the truth about the war, isn't it? What we're meant to find at the heart of it all? It is tragedy for everyone. That’s what makes the series anti-war, it has to avoid glorifying violence, not just say it’s sad to lose—it must still be awful to win. When Maester Aemon mourns the death of his family, desperately wants to save Daenerys, I am meant to feel the tragedy in this, listen to the pain on both sides.

(I mean, I'm hardcore anti targ and all they represent, but I'm talking about what I believe Martin ideally wants)

As much as I believe Jon will have strong negative feelings about Rhaegar's choices, horror even, I can't imagine that Martin will write Jon's feelings as entirely one-note. He's gonna introduce some conflict, he always does. We don't yet know what that might be, but when I was rereading the Mance meeting, saw how Mance and Jaime both had a connection to Jon's central struggle, realized how the Rhaegar-esque aspect of Mance was associating Rhaegar to it all...well, I did entertain the thought that Rhaegar's actions can be read as a parallel to Jon's theme:

"Then Lord Eddard is a man in ten thousand. Most of us are not so strong. What is honor compared to a woman's love? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms … or the memory of a brother's smile? Wind and words. Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy. (AGOT, Jon VIII)

Obviously, this is primarily about Jon, I expect it to play out in Jon’s story, but it does sound Rhaegar-esque. Jon might have been that baby to Rhaegar.

That would mean we condemn him for how he failed Elia and the babies, his kingdom, that Jon would still that horror, but would prevent Jon from being able to completely despise the man, as he too has felt torn between vows and love.

(insert my caveats re: prophecy baby, being very much at peace with Rhaegar bleeding out etc)

The pain comes in with complexity, and I think that’s what Martin wants even if I’m personally unmoved by it.

[emaciated-creechur]

I don't understand how people can want to look like clones of each other simply because it's popular to look a certain way other than just feeling incredibly lonely and desperately wanting to fit in, or having such low self esteem you let others decide how you wanna look. And I feel so sad for those people, cause they must feel so awful about themselves and think getting external validation will somehow make them feel better about themselves but it won't, it'll never be enough. Sure, getting love and support helps a lot but it won't make you actually change the way you see yourself in the long run, that's an effort you have to make for yourself.

Idk I guess I don't understand how some people can find other people ugly simply because of some random thing that has no baring on the kind of person they are. I think everyone looks so cool and beautiful and unique and it's so wonderful how different we all are! I find so much beauty in diversity, in how different people can be, whether it's their body type, their skin, their hair, their facial features or other qualities. I'd find it so boring if everyone looked a certain way and there was no variation whatsoever.

I only think someone's ugly when I find their personality and behavior ugly, but maybe it's just that I don't understand a lot of social expectations because of my autism, or maybe it's because I'm in the ace spectrum.

Yeah, I might not feel attracted to certain people, I still have a type, but that doesn't mean I won't appreciate the beauty of someone who's not my type, despite not feeling attracted to them.

I never wanted to look a certain way because that's what other people would find more attractive.

I've been bullied for having freckles, countless people have insisted over and over again that I would look better with straight hair and that they want to see how it'd look like ironed out, I've been told my body hair's disgusting and I should get rid of it, that I should eat more cause I look like a skeleton, that my head would look too small if I cut my hair short, people would constantly compliment my sister's eyes because they're blue while ignoring my brown eyes, I've been told that gingers are bad luck/a jinx, like a black cat, I've been told I would look uglier if I transitioned, because men are uglier than women, apparently, amongst other things. But it never made me stop liking those things about me, it just frustrated me how other people would pester me about it constantly and try to make me feel bad about things that I like about myself.

I think all my insecurities when it comes to my appearance and the way I present myself have to do with gender dysphoria. I've always found my breasts annoying and cumbersome, like a burden, because I can't wear a lot of what I want without having to find a way to flatten them cause they'd make me look like a woman, I don't like my hips being so wide because they give me this hourglass shape, I don't like my stretch marks or cellulite cause I relate it to femininity, or my period for the same reason and also because it's painful, a hassle and makes my body weak and tired, and I feel the need to lose weight because I want to get rid of those things.

I used to find my voice high pitched and irritating despite other people finding it low and pretty, and now that it's actually irritating to other people because it cracks constantly I fucking love it and I even crack my voice on purpose to laugh at other people getting annoyed by it.

That's also why, unlike other trans guys, I don't have height dysphoria either, despite being 162cm(5'3") tall, because there's lots of cis men who are really short and cis women who are really tall and they're all super cool and trans people are really cool too no matter their height. It's just annoying when I can't reach something that's too high up and I have to ask for help or get a stool or a chair to get it but it doesn't affect me on my day to day life all that much tbh, so I never really pay much attention to it.

I just don't like it when people call me short king, or king in general. Idk why it feels patronizing to me in particular. It's not that there's anything wrong with the frase, it just feels personally icky to be called that for me. I think it's because a lot of people tend to infantilize me, and being called short king just feels like another form of that in the contexts I've been called that. Like they feel sorry for me being short so they have to give me a cute nickname to make me feel better about it, like some king of consolation prize. They don't call tall men tall kings or something like that.

I never wanted to look like someone else, just a male version of myself. Whenever I felt like someone gave me gender envy, it was because they look like me but with a masculine body, the way I would look like if I was amab, or finished with my transition. Because then I'd truly feel like myself. Because I'm not a woman, I'm a man, and I want my body to represent that.

So I never straightened my hair and I always make sure it's extra fluffy and curly, I cut my hair whatever length I want and style it however I think looks the coolest at the time, I let my body hair grow and never shave it, I enjoy the sun against my skin and just wear sunscreen so I don't get burnt, I started taking testosterone, and I might get top surgery no matter if people think my breasts are already really small or that I should like them because people find boobs attractive, because that's what makes me feel more comfortable with myself.

I eat as little as I can because it makes me look less curvy, therefore more masculine, and because it's a coping mechanism and an eating disorder, something that's a literal metal illness and an addiction. Something I'm just relying on for support now that my life's so complicated, until I'm in a better place and can finally start working on recovery.

And I'm just so very happy that my body's finally looking, feeling and sounding the way it makes me the most comfortable, the way it's supposed to be: not because that's what others expect it to be, or what other people would find more attractive, but because it's finally starting to feel mine. I feel like myself when I see these changes, not like some random stranger in the mirror I can't connect with, some hollow doll body my mind happens to control, something I can hurt and neglect because it's nothing more than an object I happen to be trapped in, like a genie in a lamp.

That's why I always get so irritated when other people compare my transition and gender affirming healthcare in general to other cosmetic surgeries, because it's not like we're trying to escape who we are, or make our lives easier to become someone else, or look a certain way because that's what society expects of us, it's literally the opposite, it's us wanting our bodies to reflect who we truly are on the inside. And it offends me how people will convolute such different things on purpose just to make our lives harder.

Idk, I just wanted to rant about all of these feelings I've been having lately, both positive and negative, and how sad I think society putting so much weight on something that defines so little about someone's inner self as their appearance is, and how I don't understand how some people can just let themselves be guided by something so unimportant, how they can just let something so insignificant define so much of their lives and their relationships.

[seancamerons]

i was telling my bf earlier in the parking lot of his library, about the times i used to rent the VHS' for degrassi high from my local library in the 2000s. there were about 20, with 2 eps 30 min. each, idk if they still have that sort of thing. who would bother renting vhs' now?

+more under read more

the first eps i saw was about kathleen mead. i didn't watch dh in order. i watched next gen before i watched the degrassi high/degrassi junior high content.

one was about finding random drugs in a tampon vending machine in the ladies' room and bringing them to her sleepover/birthday party where there was a sleepover kind of party.

so once i guess her mom went to sleep, everyone got 'mega high' except caitlin (bc at that point in the series perhaps she's this goodie 2 shoes/she is an epelpetic idk if that makes things worse smoking weed or didn't seem like her vibe, which isn't an issue but i can see caitlin being 420 friendly circumstantially or there was a vibe/implied heavily she experimented with that at least in college or something!) and her i think kathleen's best friend like longtime bestie insensitively like no fcks given, told the girls all kathleens secrets.

she was an emotional high person, these girls shouldn't smoke tbh they got too much baggage ESPECIALLY KATHLEEN and evidently melanie too, and some of her skeletons were pretty damning but i assumed everyone knew about the boyfriend/the drunk mom so idk. meanwhile like poor diana didn't feel a thing! melanie wouldn't shut tf up, and it was lowkey sad for some reason bc the next episode was about her getting the snot beat out of her by a mean older creepy violent angry rude jerkass boyfriend ironically like,

why is this the first thing to come to mind when it comes to libraries?

i did remember that in the episodes, caitlin despite all the mean shit kathleen had said over the years about her, or snide and sneaky things she'd done to her over the time they were in school, actually comforted her.

caitlin was a saint bc i wouldn't ever comfort my bullies after that, i think kathleen tried to kind of weasel rick from caitlin bc she was jealous. early kathleen like jr high version ugh what a cringey and annoying, bitchy girl, like awful and annoying as all get out, in hs she had like deeply sad sad plots by comparison not to mention took a few levels in badassery but still, like caitlin of all people really?

also worth noting finding two wrapped joints in a bathroom tampon vending machine in like 1989, is just listed under things that would NEVER happen in any country or planet on earth, the likely hood is almost impossible. that shits expensive and they're all getting that stuff for free?

it's the same thing as, who would waste quality drugs on a trick-or-treater/child? simply just doesn't happen, fear mongering is the reason we all have to begrudgingly attend trunk or treats with our adult friends who are parents or hear about it from friends who have kids. like i needed another reason to just generally not want kids tbh, i'd be goddamned if random drugs came out of a tampon or pad dispenser like that, i'd be like 'okay.' i'd probably smoke it because, that's a goddamn miracle and it would probably never happen again, the equivalent to finding a four leaf clover without looking as if its a needle in a haystack on the grass.

knowing degrassi, it was probably intended for other people, like seriously it wasn't intended for kathleen and her friends, it was like a girl sharing the wealth with a friend, and it somehow fell in the wrong hands tbh. for all we know it could've been oregano. for all we know it was just like a placebo and like melanie snitched and turned on kathleen because she was sick and tired of her shit because they were amateurs and didn't inhale or something. that whole crew no offense were like 'desperate wannabes' or misfits like the ones on mean girls with the wide-flow and the heavy-set vag/army pants and flip-flops and stuff like that.

PS if you're wondering those episodes i think were called: nobodys perfect & the all-nighter

[tutuandscoot]

Hey, you seem to be one of the few sane vm fans left, so i wanted to talk to you about something. I also believe the two of them aren't romantically involved and quite possibly never even were. I have a feeling that the reason why they don't do public collaborations and in general distanced themselves is bc the fans were so crazy. The only way they could have a normal life was to separate themselves so people would leave them alone. So people who so desperately wanted them together actually contributed to them distancing themselves from each other (at least publicly). I don't know why people think they hate each other now or don't talk at all. I think it would be smart of them to keep their interactions private since people can't behave themselves. I 100% believe they are still friends but prefer to keep it quiet so they can lead their lives without constant whispers and everyone analyzing them for the slightest clue they are together. I look at old blogs from 2018 and i cringe so badly, i cannot image how awful it was for them to see all that crazy. To have a wonderful relationship questioned at every turn and to feel like they can't be themselves because someone will interpret it a different way. It makes me sad, we kinda brought this upon ourselves. They felt the need to distance themselves because there was no other way for them to have a normal life. If they toured today people would still talk about their relationship and trash morgan and jackie. It is maddening. Sorry, this was kinda a rant, but i had to get it off my chest.

OMGGG Anon you have no idea how much I agree with this!!!!! This is so ridiculously on point and tbh I was actually thinking similar things the other day. Also… I LOVE RANTS so you’re rants are welcome here. Now settle in for one of mine ✌️

So firstly- while I wasn’t on blogs/Twitter any of that before like November last year- and in 2018/19 my extent of following VM was just following them on Insta. Basically everyday I’m so glad I have a blog about them NOW rather than 4 years ago coz I would not be able to handle it. I’m so sensitive and feel a lot about the people I admire (not just VM, others too: dancers, mentors, etc) and I would not be able to handle the hate- much like you even now with the small samplings it makes me sad. I have an VM Insta page as well and the other day someone just decided to drop into my DM’s and say ‘how could they have broken each other’s hearts’ and it made me so angry. I just deleted the msg coz I wasn’t gonna waste my time. 🙄

I 100% believe they were never romantically involved. I’ll do my best not to lay out all my points in another 5000 word essay but essentially what I see that others may constitute as ‘too lovey, familiar, comfortable with each other, etc..’ I put down to two things.

1. They are dancers. I’m a dancer and I’ve had to do similar stuff to what they do some programs (carmen, MR) with people I’ve just met, let alone known for 20years or was romantically involved with.

2. They are very very close friends who were by each other’s side for 22 years. They’ve been through everything together. They are so comfortable with each other. They love each other, they care about each other, but they can also be silly together and tease each other like best friends do. They themselves say they are each other’s family. Each other’s parents, siblings are as much their’s as their own.

But especially what people would freak out about during and post-PYC, the TTYCT and RTR, (according to some of the more toxic blogs) is they are mature adults who are obviously very secure in their sexuality. They know how to control themselves but are also very aware of their physicality and interactions together. And honestly, I think they are attracted to each other- they just don’t want to fuck each other. This along with the fact they had been partners for over 20 years. I think that’s the main thing people would forget when they blatantly objectified them: that VM don’t know any different. Being so close is all they know and if they were to have that taken away from them- not by their own choosing I think would utterly crush them. [The way they have managed it so well and are so at peace with it is because retiring was their decision and they did it exactly how they wanted] That’s how they show and express their love and after 20 + years of being under the microscope and so heavily scrutinised by judges, coaches, audiences and internet trolls, they become each other’s safe place. For ex: all the hugs/cuddles at the end of MR:

The soft face caressing and almost kisses (chore or otherwise):

Lovingly staring into each other’s eyes during interviews, endless complements for each other:

X X

That’s not them being romantic. That’s literally them being in their safe space. The figure skating world is harsh enough, let alone add on all the internet a**holes trolling coz they have nothing better to do with their lives. Those cuddles and caresses and looking into each other’s eyes is like home for them. I was thinking earlier how when they take their bows + leave the ice (more during shows but I guess also competitively) they almost always very quickly retreat back into each other. I don’t get the vibe they are overly comfortable under the spotlight (literally the rink lights but I guess also just in the public eye). They love performing, acting, dancing, skating and telling a story together, but I don’t think they crave that audience appreciation. Some performers do, which is fine. But they don’t. They do it for each other. So when a program ends and they cuddle/kiss/hold each other close, squeeze hands and tap tushies, etc, they are just being grateful for each other and probably do it as a comping mechanism for the screams and cheers and the odd feelings that causes. It’s like they say- they could not cope with being singles skaters. The only reason the do what they do is each other, and because they only feel safe in those uncomfortable environments because they have each other.

Now I’m not a therapist/psychologist, whatever, and I’m not trying to implying that people are dumb, but why is it so hard to accept that that closeness and affection is something more special and even more intimate than being romantically involved?? Maybe, as rare as it is, it’s something even more special that should be admired instead of criticised and probed at endlessly.

I truly don’t get the obsession with making up fake relationships between real people on the internet, I don’t get the point of it, especially when I’m the case of VM in ended in “heartbreak” and anger for the people “shipping them”. What is the benefit of making up and spreading shit about people you don’t even know? How low is that. Why are people so obsessed with people they don’t even know having sex they feel the need to bully people about it? That’s so fucked up to me.

I think it definitely contributed to them becoming more private. I also I think as they prepared for retirement it was a natural evolution. I pray they don’t know the extent of some of the trash online about them- I don’t even know the worst of it and I never want to coz like I said- it really upsets me. I think about that short video of them answering Twitter questions and one of them was ‘what’s the craziest rumour about you’ and the way which Scott says ‘there’s some nasty stuff out there’ in retrospect, breaks my heart, coz there’s stuff that he knows that he considers nasty. And that’s probably not even the worst if it.

They did not/do not deserve any of that. What did they do to deserve this? I hate when people say “it’s their fault, they bring it on themselves”. And while I don’t think everyone commenting that meant it literally- it’s was just more hyperbole, my limited knowledge of the extent of the toxic nature this place used to be says there were people who meant it- and used it as permission to objectify them.

As much as I often comment things like ‘omg just let me live’, I’m not thinking of it in terms of their ‘romantic relationship’ I just mean they are incredible performers, artists, and their partnership/existence together is so beautiful it makes my heart beat faster. And they are so brave for being who they are, with each other despite all the trash talkers.

So yes anon. I think you are very on point in that it contributed to them distancing themselves publicly. And I fucking hate that that’s a possibility. I don’t think it would ever, ever affect their feelings for each other tho. If anything, I think they would mutually feel that it was for each other’s wellbeing and safety, that they didn’t want each other to be affected by any trash.

And after everything they’ve been through, I think they are truly relishing in figuring out their friendship not only removed from skating, but from the public eye. I think that’s something they always looked forward to figuring out and exploring together. They are courageous, brave and creative people who aren’t afraid of new challenges, and while in the physical respect they aren’t as close as they use to be, I think in other ways they are learning to be even closer, and/or understand each other better. And that’s amazing after 22+ years of skating together, 25 + years knowing each other, that there is still more they get to learn about each other, and they aren’t sick of knowing each other. That’s amazing. I could not have more respect for them if I tried.

Something I had talked about recently/while ago, wtevr, was can people not comprehend that T&S know better than anyone in the world where they stand in terms of their feelings for each other. After that long together do people really have the audacity to think they can tell T&S how they actually feel about each other, that they know more, understand more about what T&S have been through. And that T&S deciding to be with other people romantically spits in the face of what everyone thinks is true love.. and them deciding to be with other people means point blank that they hate each other??? WTAF???

Scott committed to Tessa the day of their first competition when he fucked up the steps and she stayed with him. As long as Tessa wanted to do this with him, he would be by her side. He would not be the one to let this incredibly special girl down. Tessa gave up the national ballet school for Scott at just 9 years old because she had committed to him, and she would not break that commitment and because she was already starting to feel a special connection with him that the idea of dancing with one partner and creating these stories together appealed to her more than a ballet career. He stayed with her through her injuries, she helped him through the hard times leading up to Sochi, and they returned to competition TO BE WITH EACH OTHER. How do you just reject and forget all of that as soon as you stop spending every day together. So I don’t know if these online trolls are really that dumb, or just enjoy contributing to the destruction of perfectly stable relationships coz it’s fun.

They may not be able to find the words to define their relationship, but they know what it means to them, and they know it’s one of the most important things in their lives and they will always have each other. There’s no way in the world everything they have experienced together can be undone. And I hate that people can’t just accept that the famous people they wish had some perfect, typical love story don’t, and what T&S have, as unusual as it is, is not only better, but it’s what Tessa and Scott want. And if you claim to ‘love’ them, to be a ‘fan’ of them, you should genuinely care about them and want them to be happy, even if it’s not want you think is perfect for them- how would you know.

Hope this satisfied your feels anon ❤️❤️

*most of these gifs aren’t mine-full credit to owners

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

[carrotmakar]

Not Going Anywhere Without You

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k 

Summary: When Y/N finds out that she’s expecting, she’s scared out of her mind. She doesn’t know how she’s going to get through it all. She doesn’t know if Harry even wants to be a father. Fortunately, Harry’s more than ready to take a step back from the stage for a while to start the family that he’s longed for his entire life.

Warning(s): unplanned pregnancy, nerves, pet names, a brief argument (idek if you could call it an argument tbh), fluffiness, dad!harry

A/N: this is one of the pieces that have been on my mind since i saw the dadathon that @tbslenthusiast​ is hosting!! Everyone should go read the masterlist of submissions and join if you want to!! Also a warm thank you to @taintedwonder​ and @sunflowers-styles​ for beta reading/getting me through writing the whole thing!!! and @havethetimeofyourstyles​ for listening to me tell her about how i cried writing/editing this (ily jill) !!!!! 

Masterlist | Taglist | Request - Guidelines | Come Talk!

Reblogs help a lot and are greatly appreciated!!

*

There’s absolutely no way that this can be happening. 

She stares down at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test and has to hold back the sobs that are threatening to overtake her. How could this be happening? No. This simply just cannot be happening to her. 

Except it is. She’s pregnant. She’s carrying the child that she and Harry have created together.  The truly awful part though? She doesn’t even know how to feel about it. 

Of course, she’s excited. She’s happy. All she has ever wanted is a family with the man that she loves, but she's also nervous. She has no idea how he’s going to react to this. She doesn’t know how any of this is going to work. He’s in the middle of a world tour and she doesn’t even know if he’ll be done by the time she’s due. 

Hell, she doesn’t even know when she’s due. She doesn’t know how far along she is and the amount of unknown facts threaten to send her spiraling. 

What if he’s mad? What if he doesn’t want the baby? What if she has to do this alone? She doesn’t think she can be a single mother.

There are so many unknowns and there’s no way that she can do this on her own. For the time being, however, she knows she has to figure this out herself.  She’s in  their house in London while he’s in the States performing to thousands of screaming fans every night. There’s no way that she can drop this news on him in the middle of that chaos.

No, she reminds herself instead that he’ll be home in less than a month and she can tell him then. It’s better to do these things in person anyway.

Fortunately, that also means that she has a few weeks to calm the nerves that are coursing through her entire body. She also has that time to figure out how she’s going to break the news to him. She can’t just come out and say “Oh by the way, hey, I’m pregnant.” Can she?

*

“I’m pregnant.” The moment the words tumble out of her mouth she hears the excited squeal coming from her mother. 

She needed to tell someone about the news, and since Harry wasn’t an option yet, her mother had  automatically been her first choice.

“Baby, I’m so happy for you!” She shrieks through the phone and Y/N can see how excited she is even though the FaceTime quality isn’t great. The image of her mother all but jumping up and down from excitement brings a beaming smile to her face. “Does H know yet?” 

That question causes Y/N’s smile to falter and her mom immediately catches it. “Why doesn’t he know?”

“Well he’s not here and I didn’t want to tell him on the phone, and I don’t know, really. I just found out the other day and I guess I’m just a little scared.” She’s trying her best to not tear up, and the newfound hormones are not helping the cause, but the lump in her throat is letting her know that she’s not succeeding.

“Why are you scared?” Her mother questions softly, trying to get Y/N to open up about what’s bothering her without pushing too much.

“I’m not sure… just scared he isn’t going to be happy with me.” She’s surprised when her mother audibly scoffs at her words. 

“Y/N, sweetheart. If you really think that he’s not going to drop to his knees the moment that you tell him you’re carrying his child, you’re delusional.” She lets out a light chuckle before continuing. “He’s so head over heels in love with you that there’s absolutely no way that he could ever be upset over something like that.”

“Yeah but what if he’s not ready? He said he had wanted to wait a bit.” The tears that she’s trying so desperately to suppress are beginning to pool in her eyes and she wants to kick herself for letting this get to her again. 

“Honey, H is the only person I know that is completely, without a doubt, ready to have children.” The first tear rolls down Y/N’s cheek as she observes the way that her mother’s face softens at the mention of Harry being ready to start his family. “Y/N, the moment that you break the news to him, his entire life is going to get a million times better.”

She nods and knows in her heart that she has nothing to worry about. She continues to converse with her mom for a little while longer, moving on from the topic of the pregnancy and Harry. Her mother’s words had calmed her nerves considerably. 

After the phone call ends she decides to text Harry; it feels like they haven’t been talking as much recently, and she feels bad, knowing that her nerves have partially been the reason for that. 

Hey babe, how’s everything going? Where are you this evening? 

His reply comes in an instant, almost as if he had been waiting for her text.

St. Paul :) it’s been pretty great here! The show was great last night! Haven’t really done much lately though, it’s just been hotel room after hotel room and show after show. 

The thought of him sitting in his hotel rooms alone, more than likely nursing a drink to calm his post concert adrenaline, makes a frown appear on her face. She knows how he gets when he’s away on tour and has to watch everyone around him pair off and go out to enjoy the city that they’re stopped in. He hasn’t been up for going out as much recently and, despite her efforts, she doesn’t know why. He’s usually always up for going out to let the adrenaline run its course, but every time they’ve talked lately, he’s just been shut away up in his room. 

Why don’t you go out and enjoy the city with the band, sweetheart?

Feels wrong to go out without you, angel. Miss you being here with me.

Her heart clenches in her chest and she can’t help but feel guilty. He had asked (more like begged) her to come on the North American leg of the tour with him. She had refused, thinking that she needed to stay at home so she wouldn’t have to take so many days off of work. Looking back on it, she probably could have taken the time off  and not had to explain. It was just one of the things that seemed to happen when her boss had found out she was dating Harry Styles.

I’m sorry for not coming with you :( I miss you, though. So, so much.

The awful feeling in her gut doesn’t subside - in fact, it only grows stronger. She suddenly realizes that if she had said yes, she would be with him right now. Not only would she be getting him out of those god forsaken hotel rooms but she also wouldn’t be withholding the life changing information that she has.

It’s alright, love. I’ll see you in a few weeks and then we can be together for a while. No worrying about tour. 

The prospect of him being at home for a while, possibly even more than a year, causes excitement to course through her veins. Maybe if he’s home for long enough to where he can start raising their child with her, then he’ll be happier when she tells him the news.

I can’t wait until you’re back in my arms, bubs. I miss cuddling with you.

She can’t see him right now but she knows that - most likely - he’s got that soft smile on his face that he always says is reserved for her. He always does so when he lets himself take a moment and think about cuddling with her. 

You’ll get all the cuddles the moment that I’m home. Promise.

Their conversation doesn’t last much longer. With the time zones being so different and the two of them being in different countries, with their sadness eating away at them.

*

She’s in his arms the moment that he swings the front door open. The force of the surprise impact knocks him back for a moment, but he eventually regains his balance and wraps his arms around her. 

She sighs in content at the feeling of  warmth radiating from his body to hers. He’s always been warmer than her, but right now, after he’s been gone for months, he feels warmer than all the blankets she’s tried to keep herself cozy with. 

“Hey, baby.” He mumbles into her hair, not making any move to pull away or even shut the door.

“I missed you so much.” He can hear the crack in her voice and he immediately squeezes her tighter. 

“Missed you too, darling.” 

She’s the one to pull away first. She unwraps herself from his arms and moves to shut the door behind him. She avoids meeting his eyes knowing that he’s already sensed that something is going on. She never pulls away first, and she’s afraid that he’s going to notice and ask her about it. Hopefully, he’ll just brush it off as the fact that the door needed to be closed or that dinner still needed to be cooked.

Of course, he doesn’t just brush it off. “Is something bothering you?”

She turns away from him and begins to make her way towards the kitchen. “I’m fine, H.”

“Love, please don’t lie to me.” Her breath hitches and her steps falter. That’s the last thing she wants to do  but she knows if she looks at him and tells him what’s really going on inside her head, she’s going to completely crumble. 

“I’m not lying to you, honey. I’m fine.” He scoffs at her words. He knows they’re not true, but he chooses not to push her too far. If he continues to pester her about it, she’ll close herself off to him and then there will be absolutely no way that he’ll be able to figure out what’s bugging her. 

“Do you want me to cook dinner, petal?” He comes up behind where she had stopped and wraps his arms around her from behind. She immediately leans into him and he knows that all she needs right now is his love. 

“I can do it, honey. You’ve been busy lately.” She hesitantly turns in his arms and peers up at him biting her lip. 

Now seems like as good of a time as ever to tell him.

“H, can we maybe wait a minute on the food?” She tries her best to not let her voice waiver but she knows there’s a slight wobble that won’t go unnoticed by Harry. 

“Yeah, of course.” He keeps his arms wrapped around her and waits for her to make the first move.

She stands still for a few moments, barely moving an inch. She inhales but it’s shaky and she feels the tears bubbling up to the surface before she can stop them.  She tucks her head into his chest as the sobs that she’s been holding in for weeks escape. 

“Shh. It’s okay, petal. I’ve got you. Just let it out.” He smooths the small wisps of hair on her head and slowly rocks their bodies back and forth. The gestures calm her and soon enough the tears start to subside. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She sighs at his question and he’s scared that he’s crossed a line, that he’s asked too much of her too soon. He knows that he hasn’t, however, when she slowly nods her head and takes a step back. 

He releases his hold on her and she wipes the remaining wetness of her cheeks. She glances around the kitchen and Harry gently lifts her up onto the counter so that she won’t have to stay standing. 

“Um, so I have to tell you something.” She starts, and she busies herself with picking at her nails to avoid his gaze. “And I don’t want you to be mad, okay?” 

She still doesn’t look up at him, but she pauses, giving him the time to answer. After he hums his agreement, she takes a shaky breath and continues. “I didn’t plan for this to happen, I promise. I just… I don’t know… somehow it happened and I just… this is terrifying. And I’m probably making absolutely no sense right now, I’m so sorry.” She can feel the lump in her throat returning yet again and she buries her face in her hands to take  a minute to breathe.

Harry hasn’t moved from the spot that he was in. He feels like his feet are stuck to the floor. He can’t come up with a reasonable guess as to what she could possibly be talking about and it’s making him more nervous that being on stage does. 

“It’s okay, baby. Take your time.” He doesn’t want her to feel like she has to rush to get the words out. 

“Um, so, I know you’re on tour and you have a career that doesn’t slow down for anyone, which is why when I tell you this I want you to know that you don’t have to stick around for it. I can do it on my own, okay?” His stomach drops when she says that, but he doesn’t say anything yet. “I’m… I’m pregnant, H. Like I said, you don’t have to help if you don’t want to, you’re terribly busy, and---

“Y/N why would you even say that?” He tries to hold the harshness back, to not snap at her right now, but the fact that she thinks he wouldn’t want to be completely present in his child’s life makes him see red. 

“What do you mean?” She’s suddenly on alert, the tone of his voice taking her completely by surprise. 

“How could you even let the thought cross your mind that I wouldn’t want to be around? You know me, love.” He’s trying his hardest to not let his emotions take over because honestly, he’s not entirely sure if he’d start yelling or break down sobbing. 

“Harry, you’re a singer. Your entire career is touring the world. Singing is your dream, and there’s no way that I’m going to ask you to give that up.” She didn’t think that he would be offended by her giving him an out, but by the cracking in his voice, it’s clear she’s never said something more hurtful to him.

“Yeah, music is my job, and I love that. But my dream, Y/N, the thing that I want more than anything in this entire world, is you.” His voice catches in his throat and she finally looks up at him. He looks broken, like the things she said, the things she thought would help, really just ripped his heart into shreds.

“H, I really can’t ask you to give that up in any way.” She wants to give in, to say that everything will be fine, that he can take time off of touring if he wants. The rational part of her, however, the part that remembers asking him to give this up to any extent could make him resent her, fights against it.

“Baby, listen to me, please.” He pleads. “You’re not asking me to do anything. Regardless of whether or not you want me in our child’s life… which I pray to the lord that you do, I’m taking time off after the tour. I want to spend time at home, with you, with both of you.” He gently cradles her face in his palms and strokes her cheek with his thumb. 

“Are you sure?” She doesn’t want to keep fighting him on it. All she wants is to raise the family that she’s wanted for her entire life with the most extraordinary love. 

“Absolutely.” He promises.

He bends slightly so that his face is directly in front of her stomach. “Daddy's going to be here for you and Mommy every step of the way, bub.”

*

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[cupidlakes]

I'm getting kinda worried that George might be feeling like every stream he does needs to be better than the last stream (for the main channel ofc) and the reason why he hasn't been streaming if because he has no idea what to stream? I mean, it's been so long since we've gotten a solo stream from him.

It's like how people comment on Karl always needing someone else on his stream for him to be able to stream and I just wonder if George is starting to go towards that path as well. I really hope that George knows that we would watch him play anything at this point really and he's just as entertaining by himself as he is with others. This is me desperate for a solo stream tbh, I like Dream Team, Sex Havers n Feral Boys dynamics but I feel like when he's on his own, he becomes a bit more open about himself?

Also, yeah I agree with you with the whole editing stuff as well but I also kinda understand George with the whole executive dysfunction. Streaming and editing are both kinda his jobs, it's hard to get another job going when you're stuck with this job that is very overwhelming for you to do that causes you to procrastinate on it and also hinders you from doing anything else as well because you need to finish that one first. Reminds me of when George said how his life qualify does down when he's in his editing arc, gosh so relatable.

I just hope he doesn't push himself too hard. I just want him to feel comfortable streaming whatever and whenever he wants, not everything has to be planned. Yeah, this is me in my missing George arc.

this ask is quite long (although i appreciate it) so my answer is it going to be under the cut!!

i mean yeah basically this, i don’t want to sound repetitive because i think i’ve said this a lot but i do also feel like george is falling into the trap of feeling like he has to put out big! and planned! streams on the gnf twitch channel when before it used to be for whatever (looks like it’s reflecting in his main channel on yt too, like how “go big or go home” the challenges have been feeling recently)

like i guess that’s what his alt is for and i understand the need to have a distinction between “high-effort” content and more lowkey stuff but even that seems like it’s become another burden for george when it comes to: finding stuff to do/play and feeling like he “has to” keep up on donations and gifted subs etc etc. it just makes me think about how at the end of the day some of the most beloved streams among the fandom have been the more lowkey ones or the ones which devolved into chaos naturally and although his planned streams are well-received view-wise and stuff (and his effort is always appreciated, words can’t explain how much i love the cooking stream for example) it isn’t worth seeing our cc missing in action for so long <\3 ppl have pointed out streamers like tubbo, ranboo and tommy have struck a good balance when it comes to delivering a steady stream of both high + “low” effort content both equally enjoyed by their viewers

when people say they’d watch george do anything they /mean it/ not in the “oh he can be lazy and put out any old rubbish and we’d eat it up” but in the fact that seeing him enjoy himself alone or with friends is more than enough, we’re drawn to his personality and whatever he puts out is going to be appealing most of the time! some people even resonate more with chilled out content that’s not so “high-effort” we are here for george not the games he plays or his concepted ideas, it’s him doing whatever, his reactions, his persona, him

i feel like george sometimes “falling” on needing other presences in his streams has more to do with the fact that he’s clearly the most comfortable/energetic among friends and bouncing off them is easier, he’s expressed before that he can’t talk for very long himself unprompted so having other people there must be comfortable but yes, solo streams are very treasured in that he seems more willing to open up when he’s alone and tell rambled stories and it’s just… nice i wish he’d see the appeal in occasional solo streams like when he used to speedrun! because he is actually good at carrying them and creating a good vibe, there’s a reason why so many ppl seem to be asking for one right now

and the editing stuff just makes me sad he should know that he doesn’t have to live like this i know he stubbornly wants to be the one to edit his videos (or dream because he trusts he’ll do them justice) but he should realise that there are ways he can better his quality of life in this aspect even looking into finding ppl willing to edit in a similar fashion and offering the resources to (hence my idea of accepting ppls work and looking through for contenders) or finding more effective ways to edit instead of dedicating all his time to one vid and clearly stressing out about it especially because technically he also works on his own terms? there’s nothing wrong with having set deadlines for yourself and feeling like an upload is due and i’m glad he’s not lazy in that aspect god bless or delivering content generally

but being purely unable to concentrate on anything else because you’re focussed on a single video for two weeks sounds awful

hey these are just my messy thoughts though at the end of the day i also take into account he could be busy with general life stuff i’m just making a commentary on him explaining why he disappears and why it’s so hard for him to edit in that time, hope he’s ok <3 and i hope the vid is a banger though i trust it will be, my cc is a perfectionist!

[dangermousie]

CFC 66-67

Since I read them in human translation, I have way more thoughts now.

First of all, I am sorry, the fact that HY has XQC saved in his phone as Stepdad is sending me!

OK, He Yu needs to get a sex manual for dummies. Your partner is not supposed to be in an incredible amount of pain after sex unless that’s his kink. Come on!

Also, my inner OCD is screaming at the - sloshing - or whatever. Ugh pls pls clean up because just reading this gives me full body shudders.

How very XQC that HY saying mushy things is what grossed him out more than sex. Because emotions and XQC don’t mix. But also - I find it interesting that it says HY was saying “shameful and corny sentiments” - whatever they were, a far cry from the stuff he said in the club trying to humiliate XQC. He Yu is the one who’s hooked.

What is his hidden mission? The way it’s written reads as if it’s way beyond just “I take care of the few people I am responsible for.” So curious!

Yikes!!!! Nothing He Yu could ever do to him, nothing He Yu did to him in the club back in 53, could compare to the utter dehumanization XQC performed on himself. No wonder humiliation didn’t destroy him. You can’t destroy someone already dead.

That is so horrifying to me. Finding meaning through other people is fine. Believing there is no point to you otherwise is awful. This is dangerously close to suicidal depression tbh where you think these people won’t miss you if you are gone so might as well end it. Like! They may not need him in terms of money or w/e but they need him emotionally because they love him. OMG.

You are so so so straight!

Ummmm I enjoy sex but I am not in love so I am not gay is...I have no words.

Comparing HY to a groom during wedding night - well that’s telling!

One of the reasons I love Meatbun’s novels is her shous never feel like girls in disguise. They are men. Who happen to be gay.

OMG, He Yu, the delusion is amazing - the fact that he refuses to admit to himself XQC only agreed because he had little choice is such wilful blindness because he can’t bear the alternative. (Also, my inner OCD rears its head and points out that even if they were in mutual love, no excuse for being messy OMG :P)

I love this. I love how XQC does not mince words, that he makes his disdain and his position so clear. And yet HY, unconsciously to himself, persists in trying to force emotional closeness refusing to process that this is driving XQC further and further away.

Heartbreaking for HY (I love Meatbun for making me pity and loathe him in turns and sometimes at the same time!) but the delusion levels that XQC would do anything but not be gentle and not treat him well under the circumstances is !!!! HY is so messed up.

And this is funny but also sad because this is HY, yet again, trying to desperately change reality where it’s a mutual arrangement, where XQC on some level wants to be there, where he’s giving something back to XQC because in the back of his head he knows how he’s fucked it up and he’s terrified but he also can’t bear to give it up.