#really wanna sign up and study abroad this year

[yoursirengirlfriend]

going to try and be serious about improving my German and Spanish this year and mb mandarin

[magalidragon]

paris is always a good idea | a Jonerys Drabble

Thank you @youwerenevermine​ for my wonderful birthday gift, I love it so much and I love Paris so much and Jonerys and you for making this for me so I felt inspired and wrote a quick little drabble thing, lol. It’s only the fourth time I’ve written Jonerys in a modern, non-Westeros world, but it was fun!  And I wanna’ go back so much!  Paris, je t’aime!

They met while in university, oddly enough, as fate would have it, on her birthday.

She had been there to study art, for a year abroad, savoring every last second wandering the wide, arched hallways of the Louvre, staring at grand masters for hours on end, burning the vibrant colors and mesmerizing brushstrokes into her memory, wishing she could be as good as them one day.  One day, someone would have her art in their house, and proudly boast they'd gotten it back when she was but a nobody, painting on the streets or in the grassy parks.  

Since it was her birthday, she decided to treat herself, and instead of heading straight to the university to get some time in the studio, she decided to get an ice cream at Berthillon, heading to the Ile-St-Louis instead of to the metro, taking her time to admire, as she often did, the glory of Notre Dame, it’s gargoyles and buttresses.

At the glacier she took her time selecting a flavor, did not even mind paying the exorbitant price and shouldered through tourists taking refuge from a cold rain that had begun to fall. She savored it, the clean water bouncing off her peat coat and the beanie she’d tugged over her silver hair.

She was about to set off, to eat her ice cream and wander into the Marais, perhaps drop down into the Latin Quarter— maybe take a trip to Chanel or Dior or Celine to admire the creations she couldn’t afford— when her ice cream went flying, straight onto the wet sidewalk. Where a mass of pidgins attacked it with gusto.

“Merde! Faites attention!” she shouted, stomping her Doc Marten on the ground in petulant annoyance.

The man who had bumped her because he’d been roughhousing with another friend had been apologetic.  He bought her another and said his name was Robb Stark. He was from Scotland, was on spring break with his buddies, which she didn’t care about. To apologize he invited her for a drink, especially when the worker who she’d told it was her birthday had commented on it again when she got another ice cream.

She figured why not?  He was attractive, sorry, and nice enough so she agreed, although she had commented his French was terrible best to speak English. “You’re English?” he had teased.

“Half and half,” she answered. English father, French mother.

At the comptoir where she suggested they meet, in Montmartre, she brought her roommate Missandei and Missandei’s boyfriend Grey. It was just a drink and they’d leave and go to the dinner Missandei planned to take her to anyway.

Except that’s where she met him.

The dark, brooding figure at the tiny table in the corner, ignoring Robb and Robb’s friend Theon, and a couple others, favoring silence and his drink. He was in all black, barely acknowledging her and slipped out for a smoke when Robb began to shamelessly flirt. She didn’t care about Robb, she cared about him.

Jon.

She exited, saw him lighting a cigarette against a lap post. She flicked her coat collar up and sidled towards him. “Puis-j’en avoir un?”

“Sorry I don’t speak,” he began, and his eyes— black in the orange lamplight glow— flicking to her. He smiled gently “French.”

She smiled and repeated her question in English.  “Can I have one?  A smoke  that is?”

He stuck the cigarette between his pouty, sinful lips, framed with a cropped dark beard, and reached into his coat pocket, removing a pack. She took one delicately and he lit it, cupping his hands around the tip so the wind didn’t blow it out.

A stream of smoke escaped her nostrils when she puffed and she smiled up at him, hoping he got the hint. “Do you like Paris?”

“Not especially.”

“Aw come on,” she teased. She hummed, closing her eyes and taking in the cold night. The electric buzz is people on the street and at the cafes and bars around them. “Paris is always a good idea.”

“Someone famous said that.”

“Audrey Hepburn.”

He sucked on the cigarette and smiled, a tiny one, the curve of his lip sly rather than shy.  “You aren’t in there with the rest of them.”

“Because it’s my birthday and I want to do what I want to do.”  She stubbed the cigarette out on the post and turned, disposing it in the bin by the door.  A quick text to Missandei: I’m going to skip dinner, I think I have a date, she turned and studied him.  “I’m…”

“Dany,” he said. He shrugged, finishing his smoke. “I remember.”  

Her eyes narrowed. “I didn’t think you were listening when Robb introduced me.”

“I was.”  He pulled the tartan scarf around his neck tighter.  He glanced towards Sacré-Cœur, illuminated white in the lights around its base. He smirked at her.  “You going back in?”

She shook her head. “No,” she drawled. She followed his gaze to Sacré-Cœur. “Have you been up there?”

“No.”

“You should. Some of the best views of Paris.”

He chuckled, voice tight. “You should invite Robb.”

“I think he might be a third wheel.”

It took him a second, the gears in his mind turning, understanding what she was saying. He cocked his head. His black curls were in a mess around his face. A few scattered rain drops landed on them, and he shook it free like a dog. Or a wolf, she thought, noting the animal embroidered on the edge of his scarf.

He narrowed his eyes again. “I told you I don’t really like Paris.”

“Why?”

“It’s loud. Busy. Dirty.”

She laughed. “Every city is like that but in Paris it’s different.”

“Why?”

Her bravado got the better of her and she stepped towards him, linking her arm through his. If he didn’t get it now, he was a stupid fool who deserved it when she kicked him into the gutter. “Because,” she murmured, rising to her toes, trying to gaze as directly as she could into his eyes, which she now saw were actually gray. His breathing quickened. “You’re with me.”

The wolf got the point with that comment. He allowed her to keep her arm around his and lead him towards the cathedral.  They spoke of nothing and anything on the long walk through Montmartre to the highest point in the city.  

He was in Paris for a research trip.  He was studying medieval weapons and was going out to Bayeux to study some relics. His cousin Robb and friends came along for the free trip.  They spoke about being starving artists in their field-- her literally an artist as it were.  They talked about Paris-- how much he disliked it, how much she adored it.  The top of Sacre-Coeur might have changed his mind, but he pretended he still didn’t get the appeal, so she dragged him back down to the streets, to her favorite all-night boulangerie, into the metro and across town to the Eiffel Tower, spinning in circles on the Champs du Mars.  They ran across the Pont-de-la-Concorde and across the Tullieries.  They wandered down the Seine, smoked cigarettes in the doorsteps of old buildings in the Latin Quarter, and drank cheap wine in one of the tourist-cafes near the Jardin du Luxembourg.  

They meandered back through the streets, the city oddly quiet, the rain stopping, and she brought him to her garret studio in the Bastille, up the six flights of stairs to the top of the building, where she shed her coat and boots adn scratched her fat cat Drogon’s ears, leading him to the wrought-iron bars in one of the four windows she had, pushing the window open and crawling out, up onto the roof where she wanted to show him something.  

“Look,” she directed, when he climbed up next to her-- less gracefully-- pointing to the lit-up Eiffel Tower.  

He cursed under his breath.  “It’s gorgeous.”

“It’s my favorite place in Paris.  The rent is steep, but it’s worth it for this.”  She chuckled.  “And it has the best view.”

He whispered.  “Yes, it does.”  

And to her surprise, since she didn’t realize the time, the tower began to twinkle, the 20,000 lights across its metal beams flickering and she glanced sideways; he wasn’t watching the tower, but her face.  She arched her brows.  “You know, the lights twinkle for five minutes every hour, on the hour.”  She smiled and shrugged, whispering.  “It’s a sign that you’re supposed to return to Paris.”

Instead of saying anything, like how silly that was, he leaned in and cupped her face in his wide palm, callused and warm, bringing her face to meet his, kissing gently, in the twinkly glow of the lights.  He pulled back a moment later, breathing, “I think I like Paris.  And you’er right...this place has the best view.”  His eyes were wide on hers, focused.  She chuckled, nodding in agreement, and pulled him back to her for another kiss.

That night she savored every moment with him, as they pulled each other’s clothes off slowly, kissing and touching, every smooth curve and muscle of each other, each hard ridge and plane of his strong, muscular body or her soft, lean one.  He touched her and kissed her and stroked her in ways she’d never experienced, bringing her to heights she’d only dreamed about.  It was intense, the lights behind her closed eyelids when she came, over and over, gripping his shoulders, hair, the bedframe behind her.  He rose up and over her, in and out, their bodies moving as one, thrusting and arching.  

She didn’t know if she’d see him again; if this was a one-time, romantic Parisian adventure, but in the morning when she woke, she found him coming back inside from getting pastries and coffees, the faintest scent of cigarettes and her toothpaste on his lips when he kissed her good morning.  

They exchanged their information, vowing to speak daily, and he would see her when he got back from Bayeux.  She couldn’t believe when he did call and he kept his word.  “When you lie, words lose their meaning,” he’d explained, obviously reading her surprise.  

And when her year ended in Paris, she found herself in London, back at university, dreaming of their magical time there, even when they made time for each other, going back and forth from London to Edinburgh; and he from Edinburgh to Paris during the last couple of months of her year there.  

They made it a priority; every single year they spent time in Paris, like they were students again, on that magical night.  

They grew older, no longer needing to find the cheapest drinks and cigarettes, or staying in studio garrets, eventually able to experience some of the best hotels and restaurants the city had to offer, as he sold books and became a well-known author and professor, and her dream of becoming a famous artist came true, when sure enough, someone bought one of her paintings on the side of the Seine, someone who happened to be an art dealer in New York.  

It was their city, where they met, and where they could remember.  

After they married, about fifteen years after that fateful birthday, they visited again, and spun together on the Pont-Neuf, kissing and murmuring how they loved each other and always would, and he took her back to the tiny studio garret, which was now theirs, and sat on the rooftop and watched the Eiffel Tower sparkle.  

“Paris is always a good idea,” she murmured, head in the crook of his neck, her back to his front, wrapped in a warm blanket, and his arms tight around her middle.  She tilted her face up to his, sated, and still hopelessly in love with him.  “Take me to Paris, Jon.”

He nuzzled his nose into her cheek, whispering.  “You are Paris, Dany.”

As it was the city where they’d met, fallen in love, and found true happiness, she grinned, because that was his way of saying how much he loved her.  She brushed her lips over his, sighing, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  

And they kissed, as the Eiffel Tower lit up, and she curled up into him, falling asleep in the city of love and lights.

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|10

chapter 10: the prop

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: the yellow flowers 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings:  swearing, angst, didn’t proof read, flashbacks in italics

word count: 7.5k

here’s a playlist

social media before you read (IMPORTANT FOR THE CHAPTER) :  tweets, instagrams and texts:

previous chapter  next chapter  series masterlist  wanna be tagged?

:)

Third time's the charm. At least that’s what Tom had taught you over the course of the years. Except of course, it wasn’t as charming. 

It was funny, how Timothee had shown you the importance of props, but how you had learned about them throughout your whole relationship with Tom. 

Props, scenes and dialogues. Tom had taught you the importance of character development because hell, had he made you develop after the last time he’d broken your heart. 

You had read somewhere that a heartbreak could be physically felt, you hadn’t really believed it until that particular third time. You had felt how your chest hurt, crushing. Literal pain had come across your entire body. You had forgotten how to breathe and everything had gone blurry. 

You believed it now, heartbreaks can be felt. You took it into account for your script. A mental note. You didn’t know if it was more as a reminder for yourself. 

Three mental notes. 

Heartbreaks can be felt.

Don’t fall back in love with him. 

Having your heart broken by Tom had been the worst experience of your life and you didn’t want to go there again. 

The number three was important. Three had been a constant in your relationship. Before all of this mess,  of course. There were many three times but there were particular ones that couldn’t be exactly forgotten. 

Three times had he gone on a date with you. 

Three times had he kissed you. 

Three times had he cooked for you.

Three times had he held your hand.

Three times had he danced with you. 

And three times had Tom given you yellow flowers to apologize.

The third time, it was all ruined. The particular combination of three of the past mentioned had caused the piercing in your heart and your incurable character development. 

Most of them really. Everything was probably a combination leading to your heartbreak. 

Like when he held your hand. The first time, you had been children. And it had been sweet. You remembered it, perfectly. You had been at a wedding, a friend of your mom and his was getting married. Well, you didn’t particularly remember it, but there’s probably a video of it. With you and your pink dress and the flowers on your head. 

It had been short after Tom had given you the first yellow flowers, apologizing for being an asshole from a very short age. 

Yes, the first yellow flowers had been after you had pathetically tried to make him kiss you with that stupid movie scene you’d written. After he’d call you stupid and said he’d rather eat a frog than kiss you. 

Shortly after that you were at a wedding, for the first time he held your hand because he wanted to. 

It had been first at the church, he had been watching you, and he had blushed. And slowly he had held your hand. 

And that led to the party, when he hadn’t stopped holding your hand, and he had taken you to the dance floor. As if trying to forget that probably a week before he had pushed you in the hallway at school. Very complicated. 

Of course, after that Tom had then smeared cake on your face. You couldn’t expect any less. But it had been slightly nice. 

Tom and you had kissed 3 times. The first had been your very first kiss, the second at a party, you were 17. Just after the second time you’ve ever danced with Tom, after he’d taken you to prom. An after party where alcohol was all you needed. Of course you were not in your best state, your feelings for Tom had resurfaced, because he had been an angel for taking you just after your stupid boyfriend had dumped you. There you were, both drunk enough and smittened enough, and that damned Louis guy. You hated him because thanks to him, Tom and you had ended up kissing, fervently and passionately. Or that’s how your friends had described it. 

There was a video of that. And it was buried deep in your files, but you didn’t want to think about it. Not that you had filmed it on purpose. Someone on Snapchat had been filming the party and they had captured the fact moment you’d kissed. It wasn’t pretty. 

You remembered it, it went something like—“Prom was boring and oh—shit, oh shit, shit, shit, y/n and Tom are kissing. Fucking hell!” 

Not. Pretty. 

But the third time you’ve ever kissed… that had been even more complicated. 

Because what had led to the third kiss was very complicated. Two dates. And the last time you’d danced. The third time Tom had taken you out on a date, and it had all gone to shit. Because the third time you’ve ever kissed, you’ve ever danced and you’ve ever dated lead to the third yellow flowers.

Tom had given you pastel each time to apologize but the yellow flowers meant it was his idea. Pastel colored flowers meant it was coming from Harry, but yellow flowers meant it came from Tom. 

He had given you flowers many times, yellow flowers. But only three times had he given you yellow flowers to apologize. The first time you’d thrown them away. The second time, you’d given them back and the third time…. well. 

It had been three years before all of, on the night you’d met Timmy, but six months before dating Timmy. 

But the context was far beyond that. It all came back to the prank wars, held a year before the incident. In which Tom and you had pulled pranks on each other. Some very elaborate, some simple ones. Like that time you changed his shampoo with condensed milk. That had been fun. Or when he had hidden all your spoons, one by one.

Simple pranks, at the beginning. Nothing too hurtful. But things got way out of hand. So you stopped it. 

But of course, you both ended up living on the edge. And at some point, it got slightly forgotten. 

You were going to be studying abroad for the summer,  Centro Sperimentale di Cinematografia, the place that would coincidentally be the reason as to why you ended up talking to Timmy more and more after you’d met. But that’s another story. 

Tom had left either for a press tour or filming. You didn’t remember. But somehow, he ended up in Italy too, and so he decided to join you. You both had agreed on clubbing together, and somehow that led to the very next day deciding to go out together, dinner. Nothing too special. But he had ended up in your dorm room helping you with your homework. You stayed up late, laughing at dumb shit till sunrise. 

You didn’t know what exactly had led to that, but being alone and far from home had made you both be decent. A little bit more decent than usual. Your head on his shoulder, and his hand brushing yours. 

That had been your first date, or so you had thought. You liked to think of it as a date. 

“We should do this more often, hang out, only the two of us,” he had said. “Without having to pretend we hate each other.” 

“I’m not pretending,” you chuckled. 

“Maybe I am,” he said. “But you know what I mean, look, this was nice, wasn’t it?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Should we go for some espressos since we didn’t sleep shit last night.” 

“Maybe.” 

“That’s not a yes.” 

“It isn’t a no either.” 

And you had coffee, but he had to leave. 

Which led to the second date, back in London when the summer had ended and when he was back, for a bit. 

You went to a pub, alone and without telling anyone. You had had fun again, and you had walked around London. That had been the third time he’d held your hand. And the flame had been sparked. 

“I need help believing this is actually happening.” You watched him. 

“Why?” Tom asked. 

“I feel like you poisoned me.” 

He chuckled, “yeah, I thought you had poisoned me, but maybe, you’ve bewitched me in other ways.” 

“Oh I am a witch.” 

“How else would you explain I’ve fallen under your spell.” 

It felt so real, so nice. Just the two of you, walking around London, illuminated by the streetlights, pointing out silly things. Slightly boozed up, but not really. It had been romantic, you remembered as he had walked you to your door and kissed your cheek.

After that you both had been texting every day, and calling each other. No sign of your hatred anymore. Pictures of kisses on cheeks, silly videos. 

And it was nice, and maybe everyone started to notice, because you hadn’t been fighting on one of those family reunions. You had even been sitting together. 

“You and Tom are finally friends?” Sam asked. 

You had only looked at Tom and smiled slightly. “Yeah. I guess.” 

“Since when?” Harry chuckled. 

“We saw each other back when I was back at Rome,” you explained. “It’s nice not to be fighting.” 

It took you only two… dates, now you refused to call them that, but it took you no time to fall in love with him. So deeply. And it felt like listening to your favorite song, or like watching your favorite movie. 

Because you’d continue to hang out, not dates really. Only hanging out. Like that one time he only showed up at your door with some pizza and just watched you finish a project. Or that time when he asked you to come over while he was reading a script and you played with his hair. 

It had been nice, all a secret. Nobody knew. A perfect secret. 

Until it really wasn’t. 

Tom and you had gone out again, first for dinner and then he’d taken you to a club, you’d be dancing. 

That was the third time Tom had ever kissed you, and that was the third time Tom had ever danced with you, and the third time he’d ever taken you out alone, on a sorta type of date. 

Of course, it had been romantic and perfect and nice. And he had laughed and kissed you again. And you had been dancing, even if you were a terrible dancer, and even if you barely knew what was going on. 

Of course, that’s when it all went to shit. 

Because little did you know that the night would turn to be shittiest day of your life. 

Somehow, Harry, Sam, Haz, Tuwaine and some other friends had gone to the same club. That’s when things had started going all downhill. 

Of course when they’d seen you they’d come quickly and Tom had turned cold, and walked away from you. Which of course had you wondering if anything was wrong. 

“Why didn’t you guys tell us you’d be here?” Harry had asked.

Tom only took a sip of his drink. “Mmh, I did, I did, I thought that’s why you guys were joining us.” 

“You guys hanging out together alone?” Emilia, one of your friends, pointed out. “Sounds sketchy.” 

“Please they’ve been hanging out alone for a while,” Haz laughed. 

“Really?” Harry asked, watching between you and Tom. 

“No,” Tom denied it, as he ordered more alcohol. “No, no.” 

You frowned. “Well—“

“Are you guys dating or something?” Emily pushed. 

Tom frowned. “Please, Emily, as if I would ever date someone like y/n.” 

You stayed quiet. 

“Anyway, we’re here let’s… let’s have fun,” Tom added. 

The night continued and eventually Tom walked away again to get more drinks, you followed after him. 

“Aren’t we going to tell them? I mean they already caught us,” you asked as the loud music could barely even let you hear your own thoughts. The blue lights were dizzying you. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said as he ordered another drink. 

“Tom.” 

“Tell them what? Nothing is happening.” 

You frowned. “Really, nothing?” 

“Why are you acting up?” He frowned. “Just be normal, y/n.” 

“I thought—“

Tom chuckled. “What did you think?” 

Harry joined the two of you. “What was really going on, guys?” 

“Nothing, Harry,” Tom pushed past you, going back to your friends. 

“You guys came here alone?” Harry asked, leaning over to your ear so you could listen to him.

“I—well, kind of?” You gulped. “But—I think I should talk to Tom.” 

Harry frowned. “What’s happening, y/n?” 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t want to talk about it with anyone but Tom. 

But you went back to the group, and danced slightly. You didn’t want to hide anything, you wanted to keep acting like you were before. Your friends could know. It didn’t matter. 

You would sometimes dance closer to Tom and for moments he’d forget everything and smile at you but something had gotten into him and he’d push you away and ignore you. 

A group of other people had approached you and danced with you. And at first it didn’t matter. But you recognized some faces, they went to school with you. 

You remember taking out your phone and dancing close to Tom, but he only pushed your phone away. “Cmon y/n, I don’t want people seeing us together.” 

That’s when you had felt it. Initially. The first pain across your chest.

But if he wanted to play that game, you could play it too, you ignored him and danced with your friends. But then you couldn’t ignore him.

One of the three girls from the other group that had approached you had his hands around Tom. A hint of jealousy could be seen on your face, your stomach jolted and you couldn’t help but clench your jaw. As her delicate fingers were brushing his hair and walking down his chest. As his own hand pulled her hips closer thin as they danced, and as he looked at her and only her. But his eyes went back to you at some point. And he had smirked at you. 

You didn’t understand what was going on. Why was he dancing along with the other girl? He was supposed to be dancing with you. Only hours before his lips were on yours and they’d tasted sweet and they had been soft. And his hands had held you so warmly. 

Why was he now with her? Where had all gone to shit?

The music had calmed down slightly and some of you had sat down, with little miss short pink skirt cheering everything Tom was doing. 

“I seriously thought you guys were on a date,”Emily had pointed out again. 

“Please y/n is too…”he scrunched his nose looking at you. “I’m sorry y/n, you’re going to die alone.” 

You frowned as you stood up, “Tom, can I talk to you?”

“No,” he chuckled as he looked at the pink skirt. “I’m good here.” 

You ignored them as you had gone back to dancing. You joined the group of people who had joined you. 

One of the guys had been watching you, his green eyes staggering you as he smiled at you. His dancing had you entranced, but not entranced enough to forget about Tom. But it was true, you couldn’t get your eyes off of him. 

“You’re—I’ve seen you in my classes,” he whispered in your ear.

“Oh yes, you seem familiar,” you chuckled as you danced. 

“I’m—I’m Tim,” he offered you a hand. So proper. 

You chuckled, shaking it. “Y/N, nice to meet you.” 

But you looked back at Tom, and even though you had seen it coming, that didn’t stop you from breaking. 

You felt like not even the lights had helped you, you felt like there were two single spotlights, one on you as you felt a stab across your chest, and the other one on Tom as he was practically eating the pink skirt up. Her lips were on his. His were on hers. 

The music had stopped. 

Why was he doing this? How had this turned into your worst nightmare? Only hours before he was kissing you. Deeply. Nicely. Not like that. 

Had the kiss been bad? Was it your clothes? Had it been the way you had been too clingy? What had you done wrong? 

You felt like you were going to faint. You had stopped breathing. You had to sit down but not with them. 

“Hey, are you—are you okay?” Tim had asked you, as you were trying to catch your breath. 

“I—I need to sit down,” you said. 

“Oh okay, of course let me—“Tim had led the way to his table,  but your eyes were still glued to Tom and pink skirt. 

“Ah, Hally seems to be having a good time over there with your friend,” Tim pointed out. 

“Huh?”

“Tom right? He is—Tom Holland? Hally, my friend—she’s— she's the one—well, getting friendly with him, and that other girl, that’s Emma the one talking to your friend.” 

“Oh.” You couldn’t talk to him. You felt sick. Your whole body had weakened and you felt a pain in your chest. A stomach ache. A headache. Everything hurt.  

Everything had turned blurry. You barely remembered what was going on, the last thing you remember was seeing him walk out of the place with her. Not you. With her. 

You had reached out for Sam, telling him you didn’t feel well. You guess Sam realized what was going on. He didn’t ask much, only if you wanted him to stay and if you were alright. 

And you had cried yourself to sleep, alone. Because who could you tell? What did you win by telling anyone this? Why did you feel that way? Why had he done it? A million questions had surfaced. 

Where had they gone? Had he planned on doing this?

You hadn’t slept at all. You had skipped breakfast, and lunch. And you hadn’t gone to your class. 

You were supposed to go out with the Holland’s, you didn’t go. 

Someone had knocked at your door, and you didn’t stand up. You were too busy with a spoonful of chocolate icing that you’d saved for a cake. But it seemed more interesting eating it now that you had a million questions and it didn’t involve any cooking. 

They knocked again. 

You stood up and finally opened the door, and you saw him. You could tell he hadn’t slept either, for different reasons than yours, of course. He had that glow everybody talked about. And compared to you and your sweatpants, and your puffy eyes from crying. 

You gave him a glance as you saw yellow flowers in his hands. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you said as you tried closing the door but he stopped it. 

“Y/n I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” You crossed your arms.

“For—I don’t know.” 

“You’ve got to be shitting me Tom,” you said as you saw the pathetic excuse of flowers he was holding. “You ended up with another chick on a date? And you think I’m forgiving you with that?”

“Please it wasn’t even a real date.” 

And those words stung, and the headache was back. Had you read all the signs wrong? Had he backed up because you’d been that bad of a date? Had he gotten bored. 

“It wasn’t? It wasn’t?” Was all you could ask. “It was clearly a date Thomas! We’ve been—“

“Oh my god you thought this was real?” Tom chuckled.

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

He threw his head back, and rubbed his eyes. “This was all part of the prank war we’ve got going on I thought you knew—“

Something didn’t add up. “You—this?”

“You’ve got to be shitting me y/n you thought this was real?”

“So what was exactly the prank, Tom?” You couldn’t believe him. Was the prank breaking your heart? He won. He had won. And you thought about it. It didn’t make any sense. 

“You fell for it?” 

“Tom, you’ve got to—But still, prank or not. That was shitty you fucking left me there and—“

Tom sighed as he walked into your apartment. “That was the fucking point, I left you for someone else, that was the prank.” 

“What kind of shitty prank is that?” You yelled at him. “Who the fuck does that?” 

He looked away. “The point was hurting you, I succeeded didn’t I?”

You were hurt. Even more hurt knowing that he had done this on purpose. What he fuck was wrong with him. You headed to the kitchen trying to catch your breath. 

You stayed quiet for a bit, he could’ve grabbed a knife and stabbed you and it would’ve hurt less than this. He didn’t say anything, he was only staring at you. As if he was too proud of himself to admit he was sorry. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You couldn’t believe him. Worst part was you couldn’t even let him you had cried all night, you were so broken-hearted. You couldn’t believe he was doing this. And you didn’t believe him. He couldn’t have possibly planned this. Which made it even worse. Because if he’d seen the chance, it was because he probably didn’t like you the same way and chose instead to use your weaknesses once again against you. 

He sighed as he looked around.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You repeated. 

 “I dunno, thought it would make you laugh and I  didn't know you’d get this mad.” 

You walked away to your couch. 

“You’re an asshole,” you yelled. He followed after you. 

“Y/N, come on I Said I’m sorry—“

You picked up a cushion and threw it ahim. “Oh my god leave, Tom! Get away from me. Leave me alone.” 

He picked up the cushion and walked over. “No, I’m sorry… I’m not… gonna give this back,” he placed the cushion far from you. 

But you threw another cushion at his face as he closed his eyes. 

“Y/N, calm down,”he wanted as he saw you with the pint of chocolate icing and you hugged your third cushion.  He sat across you, and then watched you, carefully. He did seem sorry, but you couldn’t quite believe him. 

You only glared. There wasn’t really anything you could do. He seemed concerned, and conflicted. “Y/N I’m sorry,” his voice was softer as he approached you. 

You stayed quiet again for quite a bit. Your thoughts mapping in your mind. 

“Did you hook up with her?” You asked after a while of silence.

“Yes I did,”he looked away but then scrunched his nose. “But why do you care?” 

You looked away. “I don’t.” But you punched him with the cushion.

“Y/N can you stop—“he frowned. 

You only kept punching him, in all honesty it probably didn’t even hurt him. It was only your way to get out all of the anger. 

“Y/N, are you done, now?” He asked before you threw it back at him. 

“Then why the fuck did you ask me out?” 

How were you supposed to react to this? How the hell were you supposed not to cry when it hurt so much? How were you supposed to keep watching him When you could barely breathe. You couldn’t let him see you cry. 

“Because I thought you knew this was part of the prank war.” 

“How the fuck—“

“Jesus y/n no,” he closed his eyes. “You thought this was real,” he said to himself.

“I didn’t.”

He watched you. “You did.” He stood up and rubbed his face. “Shit, now I do feel like a real bastard. Can you forgive me?”

“No.” 

“Fuck, I bought you yellow flowers,” he said pointing at the flowers he’d left on your kitchen counter. 

You laughed. “Ah that’s it, that’ll mend everything!”

He rubbed his face. “Oh my god y/n this comes back to you being the same damn fool.” 

You stood up. “Excuse me?”

“You really thought I wanted to go out with you?” He watched you. 

Of course everything made sense now. You were very stupid, you were a fucking fool for believing it. “No.”

“You’re still like that little girl thinking I could ever—Oh my god y:n, I thought we’d grown past that crush of yours,” he had changed his voice as he paced around the room. He walked around arrogantly. 

“I don’t have a crush on you,” you snapped as you walked over. “Get out of my life.” 

“Y/N love,” he reached for your hand but you snapped it off. Ldid you really think this would turn out—“

“No, but I can’t believe you’d be such a shitty person to fucking leave me in a place full of strangers and such a shittier person by making a prank that would hurt my feelings, you didnt but I can’t believe you even though of that.” 

He looked away. “I’m very aware I didn’t hurt you. You were doing just fine with those green eyes.” 

You let out a cynical laugh. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you Thomas. Get out of my life I can’t fucking stand you.” 

“Y/N, I’m actually really sorry, can you—“

“No.” 

He looked hurt now. But it seemed different as if he hadn’t meant whatever he’d said before. His eyes begged for forgiveness, but he spoke bullshit. Seconds ago he had been such an arrogant son of a bitch but now his sight was begging you to forgive him. But you knew better. 

He tried taking your hands. “Y/N please—“

“No,” you pushed him away. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you this way.” 

“What way were you trying to hurt me then?” You questioned as you stepped closer, he stepped back. “What the hell were you trying to do?” You walked back to the kitchen and stared at the yellow flowers.

“I—I don’t know,” he admitted. “Please, at least accept the flowers.” 

You turned on the stove, took out your kettle. 

“Y/N,” he sighed watching you. 

“How the fuck did you go from hiding my spoons to wanting to rip my heart off?” You questioned him. “I’m not—I’m such an idiot believing we’d be friends. You’re right, I’m the biggest idiot for forgetting how big of an asshole you actually are.” 

He didn’t say anything, and only pushed the flowers closer to you. 

You stared at them, you grabbed them and started ripping off each and every one of the petals. 

“Y/N—“

You only glared at him. You proceeded to take the kettle out of the fire and then burnt each and everyone of the petals. 

He only watched you, he seemed disappointed. He stayed incredibly quiet. So cold to be watching. 

When you were done, you scattered the ashes and placed them in a bag, and handed them to him. 

“Get out of my life now.” 

Of course you couldn't see yellow flowers from that moment on. And he had left without trying anymore. You had cried for months. Heartbreaks can be felt. 

Something bright had come from that night, however. Timmy. 

From them you had promised yourself you’d never fall for Tom again. You couldn’t. Your heart couldn’t bear it. 

But now, you’d slept three times with him. Something had to go wrong. So there you were wondering what this could go wrong with him this time. What would he pull now? 

Three things you remembered when you woke up. 

Heartbreaks can be felt

Don’t fall back in love with him. 

Having your heart broken by Tom had been the worst experience of your life and you didn’t want to go there again. 

You didn’t remember when you fell asleep. You remembered talking all night long with him, showing him songs and forgetting about the world outside. But your heart ached, making you remember how he could hurt you again. 

Even if you’d woken up in his arms, all cuddled up with clothes on, you knew this was going to go to hell. There was something about spooning with clothes on, somehow it made it more intimate. 

You tried sitting up, as you tried rubbing your sore muscles from sleeping on the floor. Tom tried pulling you back to him, he was still fast asleep. It was pretty early. You reached for your phone, 9 am. You had many notifications, you checked Instagram first, your heart warmed up as you saw the pancakes. You kept going through your phone, ignoring the texts you were getting. 

Your heart ached when you hovered Timmy’s name. 

And it hurt to think that you’d let him go. It hurt to think that your feelings for the dumbass laying down beside you would ruin a relationship so pure. 

Harry had texted you, several times. You finally opened the message to realize that now the Holland twins and now even your brother knew that your car was parked right outside. 

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, and then pushed Tom. “Tom. Tom! Tom” You shook him. 

He groaned and only pulled you closer. 

“Get off me,” you whispered as you kept shaking him. “Tom wake up!” 

“Y/N,” he complained. “Five minutes more…” he said sleepily. “I’ll kiss you in a bit. Calm down.” 

“What?” You frowned as you kept shaking him. “Get up, loser, we got caught.” 

“Hm?” 

“We got caught! Harry—“

Tom woke up immediately and sat up. “Harry?” 

“Harry saw my car, they’re asking on the group chat and now they’re—“Your phone started to ring. “They’re calling me.” 

“Fuck,” he looked at his phone. “Shit—And we have our breakfast.” 

“What?”

“We were supposed to have breakfast as a family to wish Harry good luck, family things—“Tom Dan a hand through his hair. “Okay—So—“He looked over at you. “We—Okay, we aren’t exactly dressed for—“he looked over at you. “Okay—wow I can see those—“

You covered your chest. 

“Tom.” 

He smirked. “I’m not complaining,” he said, earning a slight punch on his shoulder. 

“What’s the plan?” You asked him. 

“Do you think they would be able to tell? Don’t you have anything magical in your backpack?” 

“Makeup—?” 

“Think makeup will cover up that red gorgeous thing?” Tom teased. 

“Oh my god,” you rolled your eyes, pushing him away. But he shuffled closer, placing his hands on your hips. “Tom, get your hands off me, and figure this out.” 

He sighed. “Fine—I’ll—I’ll go in, and distract them, you’ll sneak to the bathroom and I’ll just—say I invited you for breakfast.” 

“You’re—“You frowned. “Breakfast with your family after hooking up.” 

He laughed, and then kissed your cheek. “Getting coupley are we?” 

“No, go fix this shit.” 

“Fine, I’ll say you came here to say goodbye to Harry.” 

He leaned over for a kiss but you stopped him, placing your hand on his lips. He frowned but kissed your hand anyway. 

“I’ll text you when the coast is cleared, then you’ll sneak” he warned as he carefully climbed down the treehouse. 

You watched him not so sneakily get into the house. You took out your makeup bag to make sure there was no hint in your face that you’d slept with him the night before. You made it as natural as you could, but then you saw it on your neck, a place where Tom had not been able to separate from last night. A bright purple hickey, set on your collarbone. You cursed again and then covered it up. You couldn’t let the Holland’s see this. Not because it involved Tom, thing that you definitely didn’t want them to know. But still, you didn’t want them to know that you weren’t exactly the angel they thought you were. 

You had to close your eyes and take a deep breath. You didn’t know what you had thought the night before. You were going to give in, to what? You’d already slept with him and had breakfast and two a.m. conversations. You took out the Polaroid of Tom and couldn’t help but smile just slightly, but the smile was quickly erased. You couldn’t  go any further than that, you were on the edge now. You were exactly on the point where if you spent 10 more minutes alone with him and his stupid gorgeous face you’d fall. But you couldn’t. You had those 3 mental notes and you didn’t want to go to that place again. But this was the third time you slept together, you expected him to blow it up. What would he do?

But this felt different. And hell, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t addicted to his kiss. But no, this was wrong. You didn’t want to go there. You couldn’t do that to your heart. 

Timmy had texted you again, begging for you guys to talk. He apologized for what he’d done. Hell, hours before you’d kissed Timmy too. It had been a pretty messed up 24 hours. 

You were sick for doing what you’d done. You groaned as you ran a hand through your hair.

Tom texted you to carefully sneak into the bathroom, he had them covered and then he’d give an excuse. 

You managed to walk into the house, but you caught a glimpse of Sam. You weren’t sure if he saw you, but he probably hadn’t. 

Tom texted you again to come out and join them in the kitchen. Of course when you walked out you hadn’t expected to bump into the whole family when you walked into the kitchen. 

“Oh, hi!” And suddenly you were very aware of your outfit. Your pair of sweatpants and white t-shirt was probably not an outfit that you’d be wearing any time. Except of course for a hookup. And it was very awkward seeing the whole family dressed up. 

You only hoped they wouldn’t put two and two together. 

“Y/N love, I’m glad you’re here,” Nikki said. 

Dom smiled at you. 

Sam was too busy making breakfast as you stared at Tom who seemed as nervous as you were. 

“Yeah, I just… came here to say goodbye to Harry,” you grinned, as you looked around, looking for him.

Harry walked behind you and poked your sides, making you jump. 

Harry chuckled. “Didn’t see you come in,” Harry pointed out, as he hugged you. “And I’m just surprised you’re not dressed as any of the characters from the Breakfast Club.” 

You laughed. “I—Uh.” 

“We went for a run,” Tom lied, intruding in. “Uh—well we no, I’m joking no—We were—going to go together to rehearse the—choreography for the movie.” 

“Yeah, we were going to do that, but he suggested we go for a run.” 

“You guys are getting along now?” Nikki chuckled. 

Sam laughed. “Well, Toms paying her to get along.” 

“I—well,” you chuckled. 

Paddy walked into the kitchen. “Hello, y/n!” 

“Hi, Pads.” 

You turned to Harry. “So, you’re done packing? Are you ready?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m—Im ready,” he grinned. 

Tom licked his lips. “Well—you can say bye to Harry and then you’re gone, right? Bye y/n.” 

“Ah, come on,”Dom frowned. “You’re joining us for breakfast.” 

“I thought this was family breakfast,” Tom said. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you gulped. “Yeah, it’s alright I was going to head—“

Nikki glared at her song. “Nonsense, Y/N’s like family, so, you’re staying right?” 

The whole family stared at you. 

“Well… alright?” 

You ended up helping in the kitchen, Tom would smile at you from afar every now and then. But you were talking more to the twins, and remembering old anecdotes. They had you and Tom cutting some fruit, and you were even giggling. Smiling to each other. Too good to be true. 

But every time you felt the butterflying on your stomach, you had to remember last time. But this was different, you weren’t in love with him. Or were you? But the problem was you knew him too well, and now every single damn movement he did would give you thoughts any lady shouldn’t have. His fingers were too interesting for you. 

Of course he noticed, and he hid a snicker as he then smirked at you. 

You had to stop and take a deep breath when his hand had landed on your waist to push you to the side. He only grinned and then headed to the table. 

Sam approached you with a chuckle. “You guys are friends?”

“No,” you cleared your throat. 

Sam laughed staring at you. “If I didn’t know any better—“

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Sam smirked. “Just don’t forget I know both of you, y/n.” 

You frowned as you watched him leave. 

Eventually, you were all sitting down, you didn’t know why or who had changed the sitting arrangement, but Tom and you had ended up on the same side, together. The damn table, two people on each side. And out of everyone you were sitting with Tom. 

They hadn’t pointed it out. 

Your mind was going crazy. You were losing it, as you realized this was the second breakfast you were having with him. This was breaking all the rules. Especially since it involved his family. 

Of course you didn’t expect what Tom was going to end up doing. His hand on your thigh, going up and down. Slowly. Fingers tracing its way, zigzagging up and down. Your eyes only widened as you tried shifting your way away from him. But he only chuckled. 

Of course two could play at that game. Your own hand landed on his thighs, close to his bulge. He only coughed. 

You had to be very sneaky. This was playing with fire. But your hand slowly rubbed his legs. But you had to be very careful. His parents and brothers were there. 

But then he grabbed your hand and then kept holding it, rubbing your hand with gentle circles. You frowned watching him. You didn’t take it away.

 And besides that, it was a lovely breakfast. Very nice conversation. You’d always loved the other Holland’s, excluding Tom of course. 

But he had kept holding your hand. And only flashbacks were hitting you. It was a constant roller coaster of feelings between it making you blush and remembering the horrible experience you’d gone through. 

But this meant something. You hoped. Maybe he was falling for you. Of course you didn’t want to scream victory, but at least you could write about it. 

“So what’s the choreography going?” Asked Nikki. “What’s it like?” 

“It’s… very 80’s,” Tom said, squeezing your hand. 

You cleared your throat trying to pull away but he only squeezed it more and intertwined your fingers. You felt your chest jolt but then gulped. 

“Yeah, very—I heard the director wants all Dirty Dancing kind of stuff,” you added.

“Oh, you should help him out then, y/n!” Sam chuckled. “I know for a fact that you know the whole choreographies in that movie.” 

“Oh no, she knows the high school musical ones,” Harry laughed. “And sadly we know them too because you made us learn it.” 

You grinned. “I’m glad.” 

Somehow they continued complaining about it, and your other shenanigans you’d forced them to do while growing up. 

“So, you guys are leaving too, right? In two weeks?” Asked Dom. 

“Yeah, yeah, New York and Atlanta,” You confirmed. 

“You guys are taking different planes right?” Sam laughed. “I wouldn’t want to be on a plane with two young adults fighting.”

Tom laughed. “We are—friends now.” 

Nikki grinned. “I actually can see that,” she pointed out. “By now you’d probably be stabbing each other with a fork.” 

“Hm, thanks for the idea.” You laughed. 

Tom grinned to himself.

Eventually, it was time for you to leave. They’d be getting Harry to the airport, and Tom asked you for a ride. 

It had been weird saying goodbye to Harry and wishing him good luck when you really had a lot of stuff to talk about with him. It felt weird not being able to talk about it with anyone. You had your own thoughts to yourself. And you had to wish him good luck and you couldn’t really tell him that he had fucked up about Emma. Not that you would tell him anyways. It was weird that you knew you were hiding secrets from him. 

You were driving, and your phone was ringing and ringing. Timmy. 

You ignored it, you couldn’t answer in front of Tom. This was absolutely none of his business. But of course his eyes were glued to your phone. 

He had stayed slightly quiet because you had been quiet. You were debating with yourself really. What would he do this time that he’d end up with more yellow flowers at your door with an empty apology? 

“So—“

You didn’t say anything. 

Tom only kept watching your phone. “Seems like Tim Shampoo really wants to talk to you.” 

“Chalamet,” you corrected him. 

“Champagne showers,  whatever his fancy ass name is,” he rolled his eyes. “He really wants to talk to you.” 

You eyed your phone. “Right.” 

Tom scrunched his lips. “Aaaand he texted you.” 

“Tom leave that alone—“

“Let’s see—He says: that he… is still thinking about that kiss,” his eyes widened. 

You cleared your throat. 

“What kiss?” 

You didn’t answer. 

“Y/N, what kiss?” 

You looked at the road. “Do people not know how to drive?” 

“Y/N. Did you kiss him?” He frowned. 

“None of your business,” you whispered as you tried turning up the music. 

He turned it off. “What?” 

“It’s none of your business,” you pushed. 

He coughed. “But what if I want it to be my business?”

You scowled. “Why would it be?”

Tom clenched his jaw. “Did you kiss him?” 

You had just pulled over at his place. 

“Y/N did you kiss him?” 

“We’re here.” You stopped the car. 

“Did you?” 

And you saw the irony of it. How the tables had been turned? But were they? 

You rolled your eyes. “He kissed me.” 

“When?” 

“After the party.” 

Tom ran a hand through his hair. “And then you called me?”

You shrugged. “Yes. Does it matter?” 

“I dunno,” he snapped. “How would you feel if I had kissed someone else then called you?”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “Disappointed but not surprised, sounds like some kind of shit you’d doze 

Tom only stared at you. “No, y/n… but this, you should tell me that?”

You frowned. “Why?” You questioned him. “We are not friends, we are enemies who happened to be sleeping together.” 

“Well but sleeping with you gives me some rights—“

“What?” You laughed. “What kind of rights? We are not exclusive and it was only a kiss.” 

“But—“Tom gulped. 

“You’re home Tom, get off my car,” you frowned. 

“Okay what the hell is going on here?” He watched you. “you were being nice last night and this morning.” 

“Well, we’re back to being aggressive,” you gulped. You knew you were defensive because you were too scared of Tom being nice and you were too scared of Tom wanting more. “sleeping together doesn’t change the fact that we hate each other.” 

Tom looked away. “It doesn’t huh.” 

“No.” 

Tom watched you. “But don’t you think I deserve to know?”

“Why must you deserve knowing anything about me?” You snapped. “You’re gonna turn it against me anyway,” you sassed. 

He looked hurt. “You really think I’m that kind of person.” 

“I know you’re that kind of person,” you frowned..

He sighed. “Y/n.”

You threw your hands in the air. “I’m just waiting for it, Tom, when is it going to come? What’s the name of this game? What are you going to win?” 

He didn’t say anything. “Y/n.” 

“Seriously, Tom,” you sighed. “Get off my car, I don’t need to have this conversation with you.” 

“I thought we were being nice,” he pointed out. 

“I don’t trust you.” 

He reached out for your hair. “Why are you being so defensive?”

You flicked his hand away. “Really, Tom? You ask that.” 

“Well yes,” he growled. “Just last night we were kind of—having a moment?”

“Exactly and then you’ll turn into the asshole,” you sighed. You looked over at him. “I’m sorry if I can’t trust you. I don’t know why that is, maybe because you’ve proven to me many times how big of an asshole you can be so I’m just waiting for it, what’s it gonna be this time?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Well how do I know that?” You stared at the wheel. “I can’t trust you Tom, I really can’t trust you this time, but expect a text I guess I get bored.” 

“No.” 

You frowned. “No?”

“What if I want this to be different this time?” He sighed. “What if—“

“This time it’s different,” you admitted. “I won’t catch feelings for you.” 

He clenched his jaw. “You’re right, I don’t know why we are having this conversation,” he said. “So, go and sleep with Timmy too if you want. I won’t care,” he said before finally getting out of the car. 

“Fine,” you watched him walk away. 

“Fine,” he yelled back. 

“Fine.”You stared at his house. 

Three times had you slept with him, and you’d been the one to fuck it up this time. 

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[drxwsyni]

Tell Me What You’re Thinking (pt. 2/2)

Yandere merman!Shinsou Hitoshi x gn!Reader

Summary: Studying abroad on a remote tropical island, a life threatening event prompts a certain merman to come to your rescue. Coincidence or not, the meeting results in his intentions being set in stone.

All characters are aged up (18+).

Warnings for this part: injury, mild violence, suggestions of poor parenting

6.6k words

a/n: This is the final part to my mermay fic for the bookclub! I’m fairly happy with how this turned out, and I hope you guys enjoy it too!

Prompt: “It’s really not that complicated.”

Part 1

_____

Another day of work went completely down the drain. Not as in your accomplishments being ruined or anything like that, rather there weren’t any accomplishments to be had in the first place.

You spent the rest of the evening talking to Hitoshi. He had so many questions.

“What are you studying.”

“Where are your classmates?”

“Does anyone know you're here?”

“How are you enjoying the island?”

“How long are you staying here?”

He was relentless.

But you answered every single one of his inquiries. You owed him, after all. It was the least you could do, and frankly you didn’t mind it.

He was so invested in getting to know you. The treatment was something you’ve never experienced before. And you liked it―someone being committed to understanding you instead of assuming everything.

Even more so, you enjoyed how he seemed genuinely concerned about your limits, unlike others.

The sun was setting, its influence casting a warm haze across the beach. You still hadn’t gotten any work done, but it didn’t matter. It was worth it. You could afford to miss another day of research if it meant catching up on some much needed meaningful human interaction.

Or is human interaction even the right description for it?

It was interaction. That’s all that mattered.

The both of you knew that you couldn’t talk all night, but he wasn’t quite done with his well earned interrogation yet.

You were sitting on the edge of the rocks, feet dangling in the chilled ocean water while Hitoshi rested his arms casually atop the surface. He looked up at you as he spoke, neck craning to accommodate the height difference. “This whole research thing seems like a lot of work―especially if you were going to risk your life for it.”

He seemed to enjoy undermining your capabilities. It came off as playful teasing, but part of you was a little offended that he didn’t think you could handle yourself. But given recent events, the behaviour was probably forgivable―he did meet you in your almost dying moments.

“I guess it is, but if I don’t put in the effort then...I don’t know. I’ll disappoint my parents, which is definitely not something I want to do.” You laughed at the thought, but really the idea of messing up such a perfect opportunity for success was distressing.

And it was clear that Hitoshi picked up on that distress.

“Are you not doing this for yourself? You’re working so hard, what’s the point if it’s not something you even want to do?” His face was turned into that of pure concern, and it made your heart sink a little to think he felt so worried about you.

“It’s not that I don’t want to do it. I like studying at my school, it’s just―sometimes I wish I was doing something I was a little more interested in.” Nervously, your eyes were trained on the rippling water in front of you.

One thing you’d come to note after spending even a few hours with Hitoshi was that his gaze was practically piercing. It made it hard to look him in the eyes as you spoke, even when you were discussing lighter topics. He could be teasing you yet there’d still be an air of seriousness to it. And in times like these his focus on you would no doubt be immobilizing if you had the courage to steal a glance.

But you didn’t need to, not with the disappointed sounding sigh that escaped his lips. “Then why don’t you? Clearly you’re not happy with whatever’s happening now.”

You kicked your feet in the water slightly, trying to stave off the tension he was creating. “I can’t just―listen, there’s nothing I can do about it Hitoshi. I wish there was, honestly...It’s not a big deal.”

There was a long pause, and for a moment you feared that he’d gotten bored with hearing about your unfortunate lifestyle. But he wouldn’t still be associating with you if that was ever a problem.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

The question was so unexpected, it took you a second to comprehend it―another to reply. “Y-you mean like...rant about my feelings?” This time you were looking at him, an automatic reflex to the shock you received from his words.

His gaze was unwavering, showing no signs of going back on what he said. “Sure, maybe I can help.”

At that you gave a lighthearted chuckle, causing a slightly confused look to form on his face. “No offence, but I don’t think there’s much you can do for me. Y’know…” You eyed the shimmering tail that was outstretched in the water, the sight still baffling your preconceived notions of reality.

His tone borderlined on taunting, while still retaining a certain edge to it. “What? Because I’m part fish? I’m sure even like this I can still offer advice, don’t you think?”

As he spoke, the grin he gave was almost threatening. It contrasted his supportive words. Even more so when your eyes laid upon a new realization of his physique.

His canine teeth were inhumanely sharp.

It was practically a set of fangs, just another part about him that was otherworldly.

You disregarded the sudden findings to form a coherent response amongst your semi-flusteredness. “I don’t know...there’s a lot to unpack when it comes to that. I’d hate to bore you to death.”

He gave a warm smile, “I don’t think that’s possible. Really (y/n), you can tell me anything.”

For a moment you paused before responding. Could you really tell him...anything? You weren’t lying, there was a lot that you had buried under the long maintained efforts to suppress your personal opinions. Ones that those important to you wouldn’t quite agree with, and you didn’t have the heart to disappoint them.

But when your mind went back on all he’d done for you up until now, would letting you do this be anymore taxing on him? If anything, Hitoshi proved that he was more than willing to just talk to you. Nothing complicated in the matter. Just mindless discussion with the only goal of becoming more acquainted with each other.

He wasn’t trying to get anything from you. No intentions of advantage-taking were present.

How could you not comply with his request?

And so you did. You told him what ailed you most―those in your life that didn’t take your needs seriously. How oftentimes people liked to pretend that they weren’t pressuring you into things, or judging you for stuff you couldn’t complete with a high degree of success. Thoughts that you would never admit you had to these people for fear of unbearable rejectment.

Hitoshi listened patiently, letting you take your time to form your thoughts and offering words of consolation where it was appropriate. His concern only grew with each passing word. You described how strenuous school could be, despite you yourself thinking you were overreacting.

Thankfully he didn’t think the same. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Somehow it was easy for him to disregard the glaring differences in your lifestyles. He adapted to what you spoke of, altering his words and views to best assist you in easing the aches you carried.

For the most part, his words were short and sweet, but you appreciated them nonetheless. It was unlikely that you’d be able to utilize his words of advice, but the action of speaking itself was more than enough to alleviate your stresses.

As the sky grew darker, you felt the weight of guilt and expectations upon you grow lighter. All the while he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, living up to his initial offer to let you drown him in your sorrows as well.

So when the moon crested over the surface of the horizon, you could leave him feeling more mentally refreshed than you had in years. The both of you were reluctant to part―you surprised at this given how personally you couldn’t imagine how boring it would’ve been to hear you drone on for a little over half an hour.

Even more confounding, Hitoshi made you promise to come back to the same spot the next day. You would’ve had to either way―being now two days behind in your research. But the notion that he was waiting, anticipating your return brought a warmth to your heart.

You agreed with his desire, and made your way back to the dimly lit cabin before the luminance of the sun could vanish from the sky.

_____

It would turn out that Hitoshi’s patience was a blessing.

You trekked back to the same spot―back to him, after that day with your equipment in tow. Unfortunately, he was quite adamant on spending time with you in pretty much an identical way like you had before. And as much as you would’ve loved to talk endlessly with him, there was no way you were going to finish your research for the final if you did.

So, you laid out some ground rules. Normally you’d spend the whole time at the ocean pools doing something that worked towards your end goal, but with his presence in the mix you’d have to alter your routine.

It was decided that you’d return to him an hour earlier than normal. You’d spend the extra time doing your work, and he’d simply exist alongside of you. Hitoshi wouldn’t necessarily do anything, most times you’d just catch him observing your work habits. Occasionally he’d question your methods, and you’d continue your work while explaining whatever task you were completing to him. Generally, he was a curious sort of creature―and you couldn’t exactly blame him. He didn’t talk much about his interactions with other humans before, but judging by his desire to learn more about your customs, you could assume the presence you gave him had never arisen in a similar way before.

You could relate to his newfound interest in your relationship more than he probably knew. The change from the monotonous lifestyle you had for the past few years compared to what had developed between you and the merman was like night and day. Being so caught up in school didn’t grant much time for socializing, or anything recreational for that matter.

For so long you felt alone―and now you weren’t. Not with the undivided attention of Hitoshi.

When you deemed it permissible to wrap up your findings for the day, the two of you would pick back up wherever you left the conversation last. It would be understandable if you ran out of topics for discussion, but that never happened.

Days turned into weeks, and you were still as attentive to his words as ever, just as he was equally engaged with you. Sometimes the words you exchanged weren’t even meaningful―mindless in every sense, talking just to hear each other's voice. In such a short amount of time you developed a bond that you’d never once experienced before―and it wasn’t even with a human.

It was almost funny the way things worked out. Never would you have expected to become so close to someone this quickly, let alone a man who wasn’t even the same species as you. But that’s what made it all the more special. You came on this trip offered by your university under the encouragement of it being a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’―and that’s exactly what it came to be.

You’d never have this same sense of euphoria again. No matter where you might go, Hitoshi’s presence was irreplaceable.

That’s what made the slowly ensuing date of departure so painful to come to terms with.

If the prospect of leaving him behind wasn’t enough to weigh you down, then the copious amounts of work left to be completed certainly would. It felt as if none of your efforts were good enough. You’d finish one thing just for another problem to arise―it was maddening.

You felt like pulling your hair from the roots with how much stress you were under. The whole process was frantic―you scrambling to jot down notes, trying to politely discuss with your peers or professors about certain topics while battling with the dreaded feeling that you were bothering them with every word that came out of your mouth. You were losing sleep, trying to formulate your plans for the next day or hash out what you’d add to your paper.

Hitoshi noticed your severely distressed state―it was obvious after all.

You were talking less. Short answers, sometimes only a word or a simple nod here and there. For so long he’d just sit there and watch you slave away at your research. The talks you two had were becoming shorter―you favouring to spend the time doing what was essentially cramming for your final at this point.

He wasn’t having it.

You were borderlining on a headache with the amount of strain you were putting on your brain to stay focused. It was a focus so intense that the sound of Hitoshi’s voice breaking through the silence almost scared you half to death.

“You’ve been pretty quiet lately. What’s going on?”

Your hand flinched at the deep baritone of his voice, sending your pencil flying into the nearest ocean pool with a splash. For a moment your mind reminisced on the evening when his unwarned appearance caused you to do something similar. Only this time you knew he was there―you were just too engrossed in your task to remember.

Reaching for the now wet pencil, you replied without sparing him a glance. “I’m just really busy right now ‘Toshi. I’m supposed to be leaving soon and I haven’t even―” You caught your tone changing into one of irritation. He didn’t have that effect on you by no means. It was the work that spurred the emotions, and you didn’t want him thinking he was the cause of your growing anxieties.

In an attempt to ease the tensions plaguing your body, you let out a deep sigh. “My work isn’t done yet―not even close. I’m just running out of time here.”

You shook your head at the dreadful reality, drying off your pencil with the loose fabric of your cover up.

Hitoshi shifted in the water slightly, a crease forming between his brows at your worries. “What’ll happen if you don’t finish? Surely you’ve got enough done so far―I mean you don’t stop even when we talk.” He was watching your every move just like he always did, you paying no mind to his intent stare.

Sitting back down on the dry rock with your notebook in hand, you responded. “Well, I’ll upset my parents for one. I just can’t seem to get everything done. I’m behind schedule and at this rate I’ll never finish my research.” You paused your rant, opting to rest your hands on the papers in your lap in what felt like semi-defeat. “God...I just―I can’t let them down with this.”

He’d watched you long enough―listened to you enough―to know how important doing well in your studies were. The past week had been just as much hell for him as it had for you. Sure he wasn’t working himself to the bone with this assignment like you were, but he was getting second hand stress from it.

Seeing you so worn out, but still refusing to let up pained him to no end. Just as you had developed an irreplaceable attachment to him, he’d grown to be so excruciatingly devoted to making sure he was there when you returned to him every night. At the beginning he didn’t care all that much about the prospect of eventually having to part ways with you, but things had changed since then. He had changed, but you stayed the same. Too overworked and performing for the pride of others.

His voice cut through your concentration like a sharpened knife. “You don’t need them.”

You lifted your head to look at him for the first time in hours. The look he gave you was as serious as ever―if not more so than usual. Your mind practically drew blank at his abrupt suggestion. “Um―I’m not quite sure I follow…”

He squared his toned shoulders, looking at you with intent. “Clearly they’re not doing any good for you. Stay here with me―you won’t have to worry about them taking advantage of you anymore.”

In a feeling of awkwardness and disbelief at his words, you laughed a bit in admission. “I can’t just drop out of school ‘Toshi. And even if I could I’d still have to go home first and then I certainly wouldn’t be coming back. It’s a funny idea―really, but the school would never just let me stay behind.”

You went back to trying to focus on your brainstorming, having perceived that the topic was concluded.

“It’s really not that complicated. You enjoy your time here―with me.”

Keeping your gaze focused on the lined paper as you weren’t fully prepared to deal with his piercing stare, you made your rebuttal. “It is complicated. Listen, doing that wouldn’t make any sense―you’re not making any sense.”

He didn’t miss a beat, “It makes complete sense to me. You’re miserable, but here you wouldn’t be.”

“I can’t just give up my life ‘Toshi!”

You didn’t mean to yell at him―really. The stress of the situation, of your deadline, was so much to compute in your brain when it was already running a thousand miles a minute. He just wasn’t helping, not like he usually did. But that didn’t mean you had the right to get mad with him.

The two of you sat there in silence, you hanging your head in regret and shame for likely hurting the man.

Hitoshi was the first to speak up, his voice now calm and gentle in comparison to yours. “Even if you hate it?”

Those few words were enough to send your heart sinking into your chest. He was right―you did hate it. But there was no other alternative. All you could do was try and sway him from the subject.

“Hopefully, I’ll eventually grow to love it.” You gave pause for a moment, “And...even if I don’t, it’s all I have.”

“You’d really prefer that life over the one you’d have here? Where you’d be happy?”

It wasn’t worth discussing―you knew the answer even if you didn’t like admitting it. He needed to know it too, and settle with it. “It’s not realistic, ‘Toshi. Just drop it, okay?”

Much to your thankfulness the merman did as you said. Without another word you went back to your studies, having to reel your mind back in whenever it chose to drift to the disillusioned words of your newfound companion. It was distracting in every sense―making for the already difficult task to be that much harder.

You could tell it bothered him too. The indigo haired man was always fairly moody, especially when he had to wait for you to finish your work. Now however he was downright sulking in the water as his focus absentmindedly drifted to rest upon the rippling waves of the ocean. A few times you stole a glance in his direction, seeing he was uncharacteristically disinterested in your actions. It only made you feel worse―seeing him stew in his own conflict at the hands of your misfortune.

Even when you managed to spare some time for the regular discourse when you finally chose to wrap up your equipment, he was still acting distracted. Not rude or anything―just like his mind was in another place.

You could only hope he could move past his troubled thoughts, just as you wished for yourself.

_____

Before you knew it another week had gone by―meaning you only had a few days remaining. The time that went by then was the worst of your trip by far. A haze of self-doubt clouded your mindset for its entirety. Amongst the seemingly unending requirements, you were downright exhausted. Physically, mentally―you name it.

You could only spare a rough ten or so minutes at the end of your day for Hitoshi. Neither of you liked it. What you wouldn’t give to just go back to the way things were when you first met him, aside from the near death experience. A time where you weren’t nearly as concerned with completing everything right to the last painstaking detail. It was only a few weeks ago, yet it felt like a lifetime in the past.

He’d even been helping you with the research―despite you desperately insisting that he shouldn’t as technically it could be seen as cheating. Of course, he was very stubborn, meaning you didn’t exactly have the chance to fight him.

It was mostly a matter of him retrieving samples from the ocean for you. Not often did you require them, but when the moment arose he was more than happy to assist you. Finally, you were down to what you hoped was the final time you were required to obtain some ocean relique.

It was bittersweet in a way. You were fairly confident by now that with this you could take your research home to finish, given that you had more than enough groundwork that’d been developed in your time on the island. But it meant that you’d no longer have a reason to come back to the ocean pools, and subsequently back to Hitoshi.

However for now you didn’t have to think about that―you still had even a little work left to do, which was enough to take your mind off of the eventual departure from the island.

Normally you would let the merman take the reins when it came to anything dealing with venturing into the ocean water, but today it would seem he was a little more lenient in the matter.

You were just about to hand off the sample jar when he spoke up.

“Why don’t you come with me this time? It’ll be your last chance to go in the ocean before you leave―It’d be fitting, right?”

Your hand was still extended with the jar in your palm, which you retracted at his unexpected claim. It would likely be the last time you could spare the indulgence. Not only that, but it’d be fair given how much you’d let him do for you―it was only right that you at least worked for the material that would no doubt be essential to finishing your final with good marks.

With your lips upturning into an understanding smile, you stood back up from your crouched position in front of him. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt. I’m just surprised you’re finally letting me do this―given how you’ve been against the idea for so long.” The playfulness in your tone didn’t go unnoticed as you spoke, Hitoshi’s face lighting up a bit in seeing your good mood. Lately it’s been everything but that, the reality of your situation being mutually paining.

Making your way across the lightly dampened rocks, you fished through your backpack for another belt bag. You were forced to purchase one at the island's diving gear shop, burning through a substantial amount of your funds for the trip.

The merman observed your actions with an inquisitive look, speaking up as you were still rifling through the contents. “I can carry your equipment for you. Just bring the jar.”

You looked over at his awaiting form. It wasn’t much, but since the disagreement the two of you had just barely a week prior, his behaviour never quite went back to normal.

Although, his form of normal was everything but the sort―understandably so. Your lives were so contrastingly different, it only made sense that he was a little more...odd. It never stood out that much, but still―always just enough where it was noticeable. And since he stated the obvious about your detestment for your life back home, things didn’t simply return to how it’d once been.

Whether he knew you picked up on it was beyond you―in fact, you weren’t even sure if he knew he was acting differently himself. Either way, things were just off between the two of you. Even though the feeling was subtle, it persistently kept you just a little uneasy.

He’d always had an air of mystery to his aura―you assumed it just came with his predicament. Only now it served to put you on edge. Never so much where you’d not want to talk to him though. Nothing could stop you from wanting that.

If anything, you were concerned for him. You didn’t like the thought that he might be dreading you having to leave just as much as you were.

As you pulled your hands from your bag and regarded him waiting in the water, a small part of you picked up on a certain edge to his demeanour. You couldn’t quite place where it came from, or what it meant, but it was there nonetheless.

It was easy to disregard though, and you stripped down to your swimsuit to join him at the edge of the water. With a gentle hand he helped you into the ocean, waiting for you to get adjusted to the cold temperature slightly before leading you away from the shoreline. You kept the sample jar in your right, your other still in his hand as you worked on balancing yourself in the shallow water.

A shiver ran up and down your spine, causing you to instinctively curl into yourself, pausing your advance for a moment.

You heard Hitoshi give a small chuckle at your unaccustomed behaviour, somehow still retaining a certain sternness. “Don’t get cold feet now. You’ll be fine, I promise.”

In an attempt to force yourself to loosen up, you breathed out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s keep going.”

When you reached a depth where you could no longer keep your feet on the ocean floor, the merman took the sample jar from your hand, releasing you from his own hold. With the intrusion on your awkward swimming methods gone, you carefully began to tread the frigid water.

The sensation brought you back to the evening which put this whole reality in motion. You noted how the ocean water even felt a little chillier, perhaps it was just you being sensitive. After all, last time you were in this position your senses weren’t nearly as perceptive as they should be. If they were you might’ve had half a mind to take the change in the ocean’s patterns more seriously.

Recalling the ordeal still made your blood run cold. You were so sure that the waves in the distance would take longer to reach you. And the ferocity of them―that was something you didn’t see coming.

Now wasn’t a time to hold that same carelessness, taking a moment to look off into the distance, then judging the weather just in case a freak storm came out of nowhere again.

The reef you were searching for was farther from the shoreline than you anticipated. You didn’t like the thought of it, but the merman’s presence made things a little easier. Soon enough you judged that your current position would be an ideal place to start searching.

The water surrounding you was immaculately clear, and even in the dimming light of the sunset, you could still make out the reef beneath you. You knew that it would actually be much deeper than how it looked, but you were fairly confident it still wasn’t that bad.

You regarded Hitoshi as you came to a halt, “Okay...I think right here is a good spot.” For another moment your eyes trained on the ocean below you.

Even in the safety of his presence, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of worry go through you. It was only instinctual―people don’t just get over a near death experience in a few weeks. It’s what you told yourself in hopes of rationalizing the sensation away. “Can you hand me the sample jar?”

The merman stilled next to you, and your gaze drifted to his immaculately sharp features. Namely, the way his jaw seemed to tighten at your words.

The once nonchalant attitude from his brief previous teasing was gone. A familiar seriousness had replaced it completely. He didn’t make a move to give you the jar, choosing to speak first instead.

“Before we go under, I just wanted to clear something up…”

You continued to tread in one place, a little irritated at the hold up. You’d hear him out though―you owed him that much after all he’d done for you up to this point. “Is something wrong, ‘Toshi?”

He looked a little uncomfortable, averting from your worried gaze for a moment. “I just wanted to know...were you serious―with not wanting to stay with me?”

Out of all the times he could’ve chosen to bring this up, he thought now would be the best?

You gave a small smile out of consolation, also in an attempt to ease some of the observable tensions running through his body. You knew he hadn’t moved past it, and it didn’t make you feel any better about having to leave him. “I can’t just abandon everything I know. I would love to stay―to spend more time with you. It’s just not possible.” You tried letting him down gently. The last time you rejected him didn’t go well for either of you, and you didn’t want to end your relationship on such bad terms.

The merman shook his head slightly as he spoke, “I don’t understand, you’d be happier with me. Would you just―please, (y/n). I need you to rethink this.” The strain in his voice made your heart sink. You’d never seen someone so severely distressed for you in your life.

For a moment it made you think that maybe it was coming from something more selfish. He said it himself that he never really got to interact with other humans. It’s not an idea you ever thought about before, especially because he simply didn’t seem like that kind of person, but maybe his attachment wasn’t coming from the same place as yours. You liked him because he treated you with compassion and understanding. Frankly, you still didn’t know why he stuck around.

When it came down to it, the reasonings didn’t matter. There was no stopping your school from forcing you back onto a plane home. With a soft look in your eyes, you replied. “You know I wish I could stay with you. I just can’t―there’s no way the university would let me stay anyways, ‘Toshi.”

There was a long bout of silence that fell between the two of you. It was clear just how conflicted he was, and on a certain level, so were you. The only difference was that you’d come to terms with it long ago. Now he needed to do the same.

Just slightly, he straightened up in the water. He had a solemn but resigned look to his face. “Then...I believe you. But, I’m sorry for this.”

Your face contorted a bit in confusion at his vague words. Was he apologizing for giving you a hard time?

“What’s there to be sorry about―”

In a split second, a wave of a vastly unfamiliar sensation washed over you. It felt stifling―muffling your senses. Almost like being underwater.

You visioned fared even more poorly. Against your will your eyes focused past the merman in front of you, settling on the distantly dimming horizon. The synapses in your body felt as if they were malfunctioning to the extreme. You couldn’t move, much less voice your now immediately distressed concerns.

What you could do however was just barely register the sensation of hands coming to grip your hips. It wasn’t a bad feeling, your mind able to make the connection that you stopped moving―meaning whatever was happening was keeping you from sinking.

Dread still clamped down on your heart, panicked and unsure of what would happen next. There was movement―eyes not entirely out of commission. Something indigo, shimmery and blurred beyond recognition.

And then there was pain.

Burning hot and sharp as a knife, breaking through the soft and delicate skin of your neck. Involuntary tears pricked in your eyes, threatening to spill―doing so a mere second later. The ocean water wasn’t the culprit for the wetness on your face anymore. A mix of fear and physical agony were at fault.

The scorching sensation didn’t dissipate―it merely faded into the background. Alongside of it a dark and looming haze took up residence. There was a disconnect in your mind―or rather there were many. No one thought could coherently form anymore, just a muddled cluster of why’s and what’s.

Time was too much of a complicated concept to be able to grasp. Seconds could have gone by―minutes even. The only thing you understood was how tired you felt.

The pain should be keeping you conscious, but even that wasn’t enough to fight off the building weight forming in your mind. Like waves pulling you under, you grew more and more drowsy.

And just like when you were drowning, there was nothing stopping the ways of nature from keeping you under. Only now what subdued you was everything but natural.

It was just as powerful though, and it had sunk its teeth into your consciousness, drawing out every last bit of energy from your body.

_____

Your memory hadn’t failed you, bringing with it all your past obtained knowledge of the island. But where you were was no longer the island.

It was a cave. Damp and dark, illuminated by a flickering oil lamp nestled in a corner.

Hitoshi’s home.

There were differences though. Namely, the cushions smelling of the salty ocean water embedded in its fabric underneath you. Not uncomfortable by no means, but it wasn’t there last time you were in the cavern.

The merman wasn’t there when you woke up last time either―but he was now.

Your head felt like it was spinning as you weakly sat up from your laid out position. Like when you first came to, a hospitable blanket was thrown over your body. You were completely dried―not even your swimsuit retaining any moisture.

Dread filled eyes landed on Hitsoshi’s form, steadily keeping afloat in the middle of the cave’s pool. The pool that led to the only exit from his home.

Your voice was hoarse and raised in concern when you spoke, dry as you hadn’t used it for who knows how long. “...What’s going on, ‘Toshi? W-what happened?”

The merman didn’t even flinch at your words, like he didn’t hear you at all. He simply kept a cold expression plastered across his face. The only significant movement was the way his eyes trailed down your body.

“Before we met, I saw you doing your research at the pools.” His deep voice echoed off the walls of the cave, as always sending a brief shock to your system from its powerfulness. Always unexpected, and always startling.

He continued after a short pause, “Even from a distance, I could tell―you looked so...empty. Tired, and I couldn’t figure out why.”

Suddenly you were alarmingly aware of your situation with his words. If he was there, you never noticed him. But that was only to be expected―with how trained your focus always was on your work, there was never any room to take a detailed surveillance of your surroundings. Or to pick up on watchful eyes from the distant waters.

Any words you could form at the moment got caught in your throat. The influence of whatever once laced your body was gone―it was fear that kept you silent as he continued.

“After I saved you that evening, you changed. It wasn��t much at first but I could tell. And after what you told me―about all the things other humans had done to you―I knew that you needed me. I’ll treat you better than them.”

Finally your widened eyed gaze met his as he managed to regard your dread filled stare.

You forced out the only defence that came to mind―if it could even be called that. “You...you think this is treating me better? Hitoshi...what happened? I don’t―I can’t remember anything since getting into the water with you.”

By now you were shaking, both from the colder temperature of the cave and your severely strung out nerves. Despite the former you threw the blanket off your body, growing increasingly disturbed with the reality of your predicament.

He winced slightly at the movement. “It’s not ideal, I know. But you weren’t listening to me.” You only felt more uneasy with his every word, an unpleasant rush of emotions enveloping your body. “You would’ve left me if I didn’t do anything.”

From the first and only time you ever raised your voice at the merman, or even regarded him with anything less than the gentle compassion he gave you, you swore never to behave in such a way again. That notion was beyond you now.

He was blaming you for what happened.

“W-what...so this is my fault?!” Without you even realizing it the disquiet that was practically suffocating had tears slipping down your cheeks.

Hitoshi moved forward towards you, at the edge of the cave structure where the ocean water met the dry rocks, a look of worry contorting his face. You scrambled back from your position, fear having set in your very being for the inhuman creature before you.

His eyes followed your frantic retreat, but he couldn’t draw any closer, being stopped at the raised rocky expanse of the cave floor. He too was growing upset, just not for the same reasons. “It could never be your fault. What those humans did to you was beyond your control. But I wasn’t just going to let you go back to them. They’ll never stop and you know that.”

“I’m not any better off here!” Your voice bounced off the stone walls, the aggression of it even catching you off guard.

You hear a deep sigh escape his chest, looking contemplative before answering. “It can be better if you let it. If it’s the location you don’t like I can search for a new home―find something bigger. And you won’t always be in here, just until I know I can trust you.”

At this point you were openly sobbing, too overwhelmed on every sensory level. Your brain was having trouble computing the step by step thought process that led him to this decision, only making your distress more unbearable. “It’s not about that! I can’t just―y-you can’t make these kinds of decisions for me.”

You looked at him with pleading eyes, him seeming pained at your disheveled and shaking form.

He gave you a solemn look, “I’m sorry for upsetting you, but I promise you’ll be happier here.”

You couldn’t give him an answer to that―not after the countless times you told him the exact same thing. You might be happy, but what’s to say about those you’re leaving in your wake? At a loss for words, you let hot tears flow and your thoughts bombard you in every way possible. The cave might be quiet, but the pounding of your heartbeat reverberating in your ears was a practically blaring noise that only you could hear.

Hitoshi looked defeated in a way, his once firm composure falling into slumped shoulders, head turning to glance at the exit behind him. He pushed off the rocks, speaking through the motion. “I’ll give you some time to collect your thoughts―try and see things my way.” The merman was nearing the back of the pool, “You need food, I’ll have to go hunting but I’ll be back soon...Don’t try to leave.”

His words were slow spoken, as if he wanted to make sure you could comprehend them amongst the racing pace of your brain overworking itself. You could comprehend it just fine―and the prospect only scared you. “W-wait! We’re not done talking, don’t―”

The deep indigo tufts of hair, once semi-dried, dipped below the surface of the water. You rushed to the pool’s edge, catching a glimpse of the glistening tail that matched in colour as it disappeared into the depths.

“Don’t leave me here alone.”

[v-hope]

Watch Your Words

Pairing: Jeon Jeongguk x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, College!AU, allusions to this pair being high school sweethearts, argument and make up kind of story if you may

Words: 2.6k

Summary: You get the chance to go study abroad for a whole semester and your boyfriend doesn’t take it very well. Or the one in which you mix up the words “when” and “if” during an argument and make him cry.

A/N: You’d think Guk is my bias with the amount of stuff I write about him. In my defense, this lil nerd is the one that inspires me the most for some reason lol. Anyway, I’ve had this in my wips for nearly a year and totally forgot about it so I just finished it. Enjoy? Hopefully?

“No”.

An annoyed snort escaped your mouth at Jeongguk’s blunt answer to what you had just told him, standing up from your bed and staring down at him, who remained sitting down rather calmly on the edge of it.

“No?” you couldn’t help but raise your voice. “What do you mean no?”

Instead of giving you a proper answer like you wanted, he bit his tongue, going instead for a shrug of shoulders.

“I don't want you to go” Jeongguk said sternly, and only that took for him to touch a nerve of yours.

You raised one of your eyebrows in disbelief. “You can't be serious right now”.

“I am” he nodded, standing up from your bed so he could tower over your figure. “This is something huge, and we're a couple. Shouldn't I get a say on this?”

You scoffed, shaking your head as you turned it away from him. Unbelievable.

You knew this would be a thing the moment you were offered a scholarship to go study abroad. You knew it would be hard on him to accept the idea of having you away for so long after all these years of being together pretty much every day, and you also knew that it would might take you a while to make him understand... but you didn’t think he would take it this badly.

Boyfriends were supposed to support their girlfriends, so why did Jeongguk do the exact opposite by acting as if he had the final say on your life decisions?

At both the tense silence filling the room and your lack of response to his question, Jeongguk took a step towards you, causing your eyes to instinctively be back on him.

“Don’t you think you should at least discuss it with me?” he pushed it.

“Oh, but you’re not even trying to discuss, you’re just straight up saying I can’t go!” you snapped. “You do realise how big of a deal... how important this is to me, right?”

“I do” Jeongguk answered without hesitation. “And you do realise how important our relationship is to me, don’t you?”

“To both of us” you were fast to correct him, giving place to what seemed like more of a glaring contest until you sighed, shrugging in defeat. “So what, you want me to turn down the opportunity to go study abroad just because you can't do long distance?”

“I can do long distance” he argued, “but that's not the point”.

“Then what is the point, Jeongguk?” you threw your arms up in frustration.

“That you used to talk all the time about how much you wanted to go live somewhere else and fall in love with a stupid foreign guy!” he finally snapped, making you lean slightly back out of surprise. “And now the chance to do just that is being given to you, don’t you get it?”

You furrowed your eyebrows, feeling your breathing become heavier by the second. Because, although he was not quite wrong and you did indeed talk about that a lot with your friends when he was the new kid in school, you had given up that naive dream of your younger self the second you fell in love with him.

And it hurt you that he could so easily doubt your love for him after all these years.

“So you're implying that I'm going to cheat on you” your voice came out low.

Jeongguk shrugged, not daring to meet your disappointed eyes. “Not necessarily cheat” he explained, “but you could still fall for one of them…”

This time, you allowed a humourless laugh to leave your mouth, shaking your head as you could not believe his words. “You just don't trust me at all, do you?”

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from talking.

“Do you?” you were the one to push it this time, crossing your arms over your chest while you desperately looked for any sign of him actually trusting you.

However, with you demanding for an answer and him being already too hurt as it was, Jeongguk ended up letting the words out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Maybe I don't”.

Low blow.

“Great” your voice came out cold enough for his heart to feel uneasy, “I’ll just leave then” you shrugged. “I’m taking this opportunity whether you like it or not, and when we break up don’t be surprised to see me with someone else while I’m in there”.

It was fair to say, yours was even a lower blow.

You realised that after catching the exact moment his his heart broke — the way his eyes had ever so faintly watered was enough to let you know how hurtful were the words that had just abandoned your mouth.

Nonetheless, what hurt him was not you implying you would in fact go for one of those guys... at least it was not what hurt him the most.

“When we break up?” he mumbled, sounding broken as ever. “Who said anything about breaking up? Y/N, what are you talking about?”

What hurt him the most was the way you had worded your harsh sentence out.

However, having said that in the heat of the moment, you remained standing there completely dumbfounded. “What?”

Jeongguk bit his lower lip, being almost afraid of bringing it back up. “You said ‘when’ we break up...”

Right then, you could've sworn your heart stopped for a moment.

“Jeongg—”

“No, Y/N, what the fuck?” he snapped with furrowed eyebrows, not allowing you to take your words back as he tried to move away from you. “So you were just gonna leave me here waiting for you when you had already decided to break up with me at some point?”

“No! I—”

“You just put an expiring date to our relationship and didn't even think of letting me know?” your heart broke at the small crack you had heard in his voice. “While I was here picturing our whole future together you were just…” he stared at you in a way he had never before, a way that made your stomach turn. “I can’t believe you” his eyes gazed to the floor when he suddenly could not stand the sight of you anymore. “Just go, I don't care anymore”.

If you had felt your heart break at the sight of Jeongguk being so broken, the one of him turning around to leave you for good felt like it had just been ripped out of your chest.

“Wait, no!” you freaked out, desperately following him as he sped up his pace after heading out of your room. “Don't leave, please” you cried out.

And maybe it was the adrenaline you felt in that moment or the fact that he didn't really want to leave like that at all, that allowed you to somehow manage to catch up to him.

Your arms wrapped around his waist tighter than ever before he could reach for the front door, terrified of him grabbing your arms to push you away and leave; because he was the strongest person you knew and you were well aware that he could ever so easily escape your hold in a heartbeat if he wanted to. So, the second you felt his hands grab your wrists, you pulled him even closer, holding on to him for dear life as your face rested on his back.

It was the following second when you once again felt a twinge in your chest; at the feel of his body slightly shaking against yours and the sound of a sniffle coming from him.

It was only then you realised you had made him cry.

“Let go” he demanded downheartedly. You shook your head no, not trusting your voice. “Y/N”.

He wanted to sound threatening, he wanted to push you away like he also knew he could… but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not when what he wanted the most was nothing but for you to hold him and never leave his side.

“I'm sorry” you managed to croak out. “I meant if” you tried to explain — more importantly, you tried to make him believe you, which is why you repeated louder a second time: “I meant if, Guk-ah”.

He let out a sob. “But you said when, that's a huge difference” his voice sounded weak although he didn’t want it to. “Why would you say that?”

“I just said it in the heat of the moment, I didn’t realise” you took in a shaky breath, already feeling ashamed of your actions. “I just… it hurt me when you said you didn't trust me and… I guess my subconscious wanted to hurt you even more…”

A humorless snort was quick to escape his mouth, being instantly followed by a sniffle. “Well, your subconscious is a bitch”.

With that said, he finally let himself break down; lowering his head and not stopping the tears from rolling faster down his cheeks with each sob that escaped his mouth.

“I'm so, so sorry” you repeated, peppering small kisses on his back, both out of endearment and trying to soothe him. “It was really out of place and I didn't mean it…” you pouted. “Please forgive me”.

You heard him breathe in deeply, trying to collect himself for a few seconds before his hands gently tried to get a hold of yours. “Let go”.

Once again, you shook your head no, burying your face deeper against his back to stop him from moving away.

“I'm not leaving, I promise” he reassured you, knowing you and your fears like the palm of his hand. “I just wanna look at you”.

Although still reluctant, you complied anyway — your hands going up to cup his cheeks first thing once you were face to face. Feeling your chest tighten at the sight of his gloomy eyes and red nose, you tenderly wiped his tears before pulling his face towards yours so you could plant a lingering kiss to his forehead; then wrapping your arms around his neck to engulf him in a tight hug he did not wait to return.

“I'm sorry” you whispered, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

“Stop apologising” he mumbled, breaking the contact between your bodies and instead holding your hands in his warm ones, gently caressing them. “I hurt you, too”.

“Yeah, but—”

“But nothing, I forgive you” he cut you off, the corners of his lips sweetly curving up. “Just… you didn't mean it, did you?”

You sighed, wishing with everything in you that you could just take back that whole hurtful sentence as a whole.

“I told you” you cupped his face in your hands one more time, wanting to make sure to erase every single doubt of his when you said: “I meant if”.

“No, not that” he shook his head as his eyes gazed down to his feet. “What you said about going to one of those guys if we...” he dragged on the last vowel, not being able to finish his question — the utter thought of it hurting too much.

God, you really wished you could take it all back.

“Honestly?” you raised one of your eyebrows, causing his stare to focus on you, “I love you so damn much that I'd be too busy crying my eyes out and sulking in my own heartbreak to even look at other guys”.

Jeongguk giggled under his breath, making your heart jump at the way his eyes lit up. “Yeah, you love me too much”.

“Okay, don’t get too cocky now” you glared at him with a hint of amusement displaying in your expression. “You love me just as much”.

“I do” he confirmed immediately, removing your hands from his face so he could cup yours. “I love you a lot. That's why I freaked out earlier”.

“Guk-ah…”

“I'm sorry” he apologised this time, shutting you up. “I'm sorry I said I don't trust you, and I'm sorry I wasn't supportive of you. I'm really damn proud of you for getting this opportunity” you melted at both his words and the way he was staring into your eyes, “but… you're everything I know. We've been together ever since high school started and the mere thought of losing you to someone else… or just not having you by my side… I mean, we're together all the time, we practically live together, I…” a heavy sigh escaped his lips, “I'll be going through withdrawal without you here” he weakly laughed under his breath; knowing he had managed to lift up the mood when you did the same.

“And it's exactly because we've been together for so long that you shouldn't be worried about other guys at all” you pointed out.

Jeongguk frowned — the way he tilted his head letting you know he needed you to explain yourself. So you did.

“Yes, maybe at some point before we started dating I used to gush about travelling and falling in love with a foreign guy because... I thought it’d be like a fairytale, kind of? I was just a little girl with lots of weird dreams” you sheepishly admitted. “But ever since I fell for you, I stopped wanting that all at once” he smiled shyly, making your heart skip a beat. “I have a stable relationship with this funny, caring, handsome… fit as hell dumbass” that last description earned a snort from him, “who happens to love me a lot” you smiled sweetly, standing up on your tiptoes to give his nose a small peck. “I wouldn't change my doe-eyed bunny and what we have for the world”.

It was now your turn to giggle, watching his cheeks turn a furious pink because of what you had just called him. With his hands holding your face securely, you felt your heart jump at the familiar feel of his soft lips on yours.

“We'll figure this out” he hummed, giving you one last chaste kiss.

You nodded — hands travelling to the back of his neck, where you found yourself playing with his hair.

“It’s still a while before I leave, we will” you agreed, smiling after receiving a small kiss on the crown of your head. “And anyway, if one semester becomes too much for our clingy selves… there's this one month course our uni offers..” his eyes opened wide, and you could already see the hope and excitement they held in them, “and with your grades I don't see why—”

“I’ll do it” Guk said without giving it a second thought, causing your heart to jump at his lack of hesitation.

“But you haven’t even h—”

“I don’t care” he cut you off once again, grabbing your hand to drag you back into your room, where he knew he would find your laptop. “I’ll look for the requirements right now and I’ll do it”.

Your lips didn’t wait to part into the brightest of smiles as you walked behind him, both amused and in complete awe at how he would actually be willing do such thing just to be with you.

Nevertheless, stopping in his tracks before entering your bedroom, he turned around to stare at you with a serious semblance.

“What?” you wondered under his thoughtful expression after a couple of seconds.

“One condition, though” he tilted his head lightly back as he squinted his chocolate eyes.

Although taken aback, you were quick to nod. “Sure”.

“Please watch your words from now on and don’t ever scare me like that again”.

Fair enough.

[noona-clock]

The Demon 👿 Day and Night

Genre: College!AU (with flashbacks of High School!AU)

Pairing: Sungjin x You

Warnings: Slight Angst

Words: 1,750

Day and Night  👿 Zombie  👿 Tick Tock  👿 Love me or Leave me  👿 STOP  👿 1 to 10  👿 Afraid

Like the day and night It’s going back differently The middle is always waiting It’s just a moment. It’s being biased.  Only on one side we’ve been wanting each other

Sungjin was tired of the back and forth.

The two of you had known each other since high school. He’d had a crush on you since high school, and he knew you felt the same way -- but for one reason or another, it had just never worked out.

And, like I said, he was tired of it. He was tired of getting his hopes up, he was tired of waiting in limbo, and he was tired of constantly feeling like all he did was wait for you.

I mean, the two of you were about to graduate from university. Don’t you think this has been going on long enough?

So, tonight -- tonight -- Sungjin was going to resolve this once and for all. He was going to seek you out and talk to you like he’d never talked to you before. And, hopefully, he would never have to talk to you like that again.

Good lord, he hoped so.

Sad sad sad sad sad What can I do? Always Bad bad bad bad bad Timing all the time When someone’s hot, Someone else is cold. I’m going crazy.

Back then, Sungjin had waited a long time before confessing to you. His crush on you had developed during his freshman year, but he hadn’t said anything to you until junior year, and even then it was only after months of working up his nerve.

You had been flirting with him -- he had been pretty sure, at least. He had never been the best at interpreting stuff like that, but you’d been pretty obvious about it. The two of you had spent a lot of time together, and you’d seemed to perk up whenever Sungjin had talked about Junior Prom.

So, he had finally decided to ask you to be his date.

He hadn’t come up with anything fancy -- none of that promposal nonsense he’d seen on social media. He was simply going to go to your house, ring your doorbell, and ask you. Plain and simple, just like him.

But when he’d arrived, he had been faced with an incredibly disappointing scene -- for him, at least.

Another guy (presumably someone from the baseball team) had been laying out a bunch of baseballs in your yard, shaping out the letters P-R-O-M with a question mark at the end. Sungjin had been able to see a sheet of poster board laying in your driveway, too, which read ‘Being your date to prom would be better than a home run.’

...How was he supposed to compete with that?

Besides, the other guy had gotten there first.

Sungjin had watched from down the road as Baseball Guy rang your doorbell, ran back into your yard next to his display of baseballs, and held his sign up as soon as you’d opened the door.

He had held out the tiniest bit of hope that you would say ‘no.’ 

But, of course, you hadn’t.

The next day, Sungjin had decided to just be honest with you.

...Kind of.

He had brought up the pictures he’d seen on social media of the whole thing, and you had confirmed it.

“Yeah, it super unexpected,” you’d grinned. And then your grin had fallen slightly, and you’d added, “I... was actually kind of hoping you would ask me, but you probably don’t even want to go. You don’t really seem like the prom type.”

And his heart had broken.

No, he hadn’t been the prom type. He hadn’t wanted to go.

But he would’ve gone with you.

If he had just been ten minutes earlier. Or if he had just confessed his feelings to you weeks ago -- months ago!

Ah, well. At least Sungjin had learned a valuable lesson: it really was all about timing. 

Unfortunately, his timing had just been spectacularly bad.

If you try to get closer and closer, You’re going to disappear in a while and in my sight, oh We’re gonna have to go through this I go up And you go down It’s always the same

On the night of prom, Sungjin had decided he would move on.

You would most likely start dating that dumb baseball player, and Sungjin really didn’t want to spend Senior year pining over you when he knew he had no chance.

So, he had taken out his phone and called up his grandfather.

A couple of years ago, Sungjin had spent the summer with him and had been a counselor at a music camp close to his grandfather’s house. Even if the camp didn’t have any open counselor spots, he could still stay there for the summer and not risk running into you with your new boyfriend.

And, thankfully, that’s just what he’d done. 

He’d spent two whole months living with his grandfather and working at the nearby arts center as a music camp counselor. Most importantly, he’d spent two whole months not seeing or talking to you.

In fact, there was another counselor he’d connected with, and he’d spent two whole months seeing and talking to her. The two of them had a lot of common interests -- including the same sense of humor -- and by the time Sungjin had returned to school for Senior Year, he had officially taken himself off the market.

And, of course, that’s when you’d approached him.

The first day of school.

“Hey,” you’d grinned, hugging your astronomy textbook to your chest. “How was your summer? I didn’t see you at all.”

“Oh... yeah,” Sungjin had replied with an awkward chuckle. “I was staying with my grandfather.”

He had closed his locker, but instead of saying ‘goodbye’ and leaving, you had followed him.

“I... actually was hoping we could talk?” you’d asked softly, your brow furrowed gently.

Oh, boy. 

“...Talk about what?”

“About... us.”

Us?!

Sungjin had paused, turning to face you as he’d clutched one strap of his backpack. “I... I actually met someone. We were counselors together at a music camp, and she only lives an hour away, so...”

Your expression had fallen, and Sungjin had known exactly how you’d felt in that moment. Because he had just felt it a couple of months ago.

“...Oh,” you’d murmured.

Sungjin’s timing had been bad right before prom, and the tables had turned on him. You had been with someone before summer when Sungjin had been ready to ask you out. He had been with someone after summer when you had been ready to ask him out.

Would your timing ever match up?

I don’t wanna give it up Don’t give it up Won’t give it up I hope so, too. I hope so. with that in mind Come a little closer Me, too. I’ll take a step And then one day, Maybe we’ll meet.

Apparently, the answer to that question is ‘no.’

After Sungjin had broken up with his summer girlfriend about halfway through Senior year, you had started dating someone.

Then the two of you went off to different universities and only saw each other during school breaks.

But then you had transferred to Sungjin’s school, though he had gotten busy with a band he’d joined.

It continued on like this for the next two years or so. If Sungjin wasn’t busy with school or band practice, you were busy with school and the on-campus job you’d gotten. You studied abroad for an entire semester, and when you came back, you had decided to swear off dating for at least a year (you never told him specifically, but he had a feeling a foreign guy or two had something to do with this).

And now here the two of you were. Getting ready to graduate, and after all these years, you had still never dated. And Sungjin wasn’t sure whether or not he still had hope that you would.

Maybe that was the most frustrating thing about this whole situation. Sungjin wanted to want to just give up and move on. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to give up hope that things would never work out.

So... maybe tonight would be it. Maybe tonight would be the night when the timing was actually right.

If you try to get closer and closer, You’re going to disappear in a while and in my sight, oh We’re gonna have to go through this I go up And you go down It’s always the same

Actually, if you try to approach me little by little, in the meantime, chilled by a slight difference We’re all so mixed up. You go up And I go down It’s always the same, like the sun and the moon.

Sungjin’s heart thudded in his chest as he knocked on your door. It leaped up into his throat when the doorknob turned. And it stopped altogether when you opened it, standing in front of him with a curious look on your face.

“Hey,” you greeted with a soft, confused grin. “What’s up?”

Oh, god. Now that he was here, he wasn’t sure if he could do it.

But he had to. You were both at a turning point in your lives, and if he didn’t do this now... he never would.

So, he took a deep breath and just came out with it.

“I’ve liked you for years. I think you’ve liked me, too, but our timing has just been... bad.”

Well, he wished he could’ve been a bit more eloquent, but there you go.

You opened your mouth to reply but then paused. After a few moments of silence, you simply opened your door wider and let him come inside.

Sungjin stepped into your entryway, turning to keep his eyes on you as you closed the door behind him.

His heart skipped a couple of beats as you stood facing the door, letting out a soft sigh. And without turning around, you murmured, “I have. You’re right.”

Even though he knew he shouldn’t, Sungjin began to think this really was the night. Tonight was the night when everything would come together.

But then you turned around, and Sungjin saw the incredibly distressed look on your face.

“I just got offered a job by the company where I interned during my study abroad,” you told him. “And... I already accepted.”

See -- he knew he shouldn’t have thought that. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

“Ah,” he replied, nodding slowly. “That -- that’s great, though. Congratulations.”

You quickly stepped up to him, wringing your hands together nervously. “I wouldn’t have accepted if I had known -- I thought you had moved on already. I’ve liked you -- a lot. I figured taking a job in another country would be a fresh start. A really fresh start. A way to... get over you.”

Okay, Sungjin would really appreciate it if you just stopped talking.

“I -- I’m sorry,” you said softly.

“No,” Sungjin shook his head. “No, don’t be sorry.”

“I can call them back -- see if I can tell them --”

But Sungjin interrupted you. “Please don’t. I think... I think this is best.”

Before he could stop himself, he reached up and circled his arms around you, pulling you into his chest.

“I’m happy for you,” he murmured, bringing one hand up to cradle the back of your head as you returned his hug. “Really.”

And... to be honest. He was happy for some closure.

Once and for all.

“You never know,” you said with a soft chuckle, causing Sungjin’s heart to skip another beat. “Maybe I’ll come back sooner rather than later.”

...Oh, boy. 

Well.

There went that closure he’d just found.

[leliana-sings-mozarts-requiem]

Answer 30 questions and tag 20 mutual

Thanks to @thatmusicgeek22 ❤️

Name/Nickname: I’ve found myself going by Pixel on Tumblr, tho if you look carefully you can find my real name 😉

Gender: Non-binary

Star sign: Virgo

height: like 5’11”?

Birthday: somewhere in the virgo range.

Favorite bands: oof they change so regularly, but I listen to a lot of The Arcadian Wild, Lord Huron, Black Hill & Silent Island, and Kaleo. Most of what I listen to is soundtracks tho.

Favorite Solo Artists: been listening to a lot of Hozier, Ella Fitzgerald, Mark Knopfler, Jacob Collier, and Alexi Murdoch.

Song stuck in my head currently: Dear Fellow Traveler by Sea Wolf.

Last movie I watched: documentary on Jane Elliott’s blue eyes/brown eyes experiment (called “a class divided”)

Last show I watched: heheheh I’ve been watching She-Ra againnnn. Also been watching sense8 which idk where this show has BEEN all my life.

When did I create this blog: ah shit, I think like January 2015?? I was still in high school and had it for most of the time.

What I post about: mostly political shit and dumb memes, occasionally I post about VG things and writing and misc art. Started out as video games and music but I stopped trying to have a set theme years ago. (((Psssst you can follow my music blog @thepixelbard for music stuff if you don’t already)))

Last thing I googled: a map of the world of Earthsea bc 1. I was trying to trace the path of Ged’s travels and 2. Maps are just *sexy* dhdhsjsk

Other blogs: @thepixelbard is my music tumblr! I don’t always post things often but that’s where I focus my music endeavors. Go follow meeee!

Do I get asks: not very often but I love getting them 🥺👉👈

Why I chose my URL: well, my first URL was dumb and had my name in it (bc I was like 16 and stupid) so I changed it to ‘Sibelius-M-D’ for favorite composers of mine and “MD” the title, then to this long monstrosity came about a few years ago for my favorite bastard man Mozart and my best girl Leliana from Dragon Age.

Following: uuuh like 500-something? I used to think it was a lot but yee

Followers: 233 absolutely beautiful bastards ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Average hours of sleep: oof it’s either like 9 hours or 6, not super healthy

Lucky number: don’t really have one but I’d say 7

Instruments: flute and cello are my primaries, but also trombone, piano, guitar, Irish whistle/low whistle, bodhran, and voice.

What am I wearing: PJs bc I just woke up shsjdjfkd

Dream trip: I wanna go back to scotlanddddd I was studying abroad there when COVID happened so I feel cheated out of my spring in the Highlands. Other than that, probably Norway, Germany, or northern Japan. Anywhere with cool music.

Favorite food: I will LITERALLY eat anything so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nationality: Tragically American. Sorry to disappoint.

Last book I read. Most recently, I read A Wizard of Earthsea which is unbelievably good, but I’m also reading The House on Mango Street, The Ranger’s Apprentice, and A Court of Roses and Thorns.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: this might be cheating since they’re by the same creator, but Princess Mononoke, Kiki’s Delivery Service, and Howl’s Moving Castle. I’m a simple queer who wants the escapism what can I say

Favorite color: lol well if you’ve seen my blog, various dark shades of blue, but also a nice rich dark green or the color of healthy soil.

Tagging: don’t feel obligated but I’d also love to get to know my mutuals better

@queertrashpotato @ikknowplaces @pastelmercutio @thewholeguacamole @life-not-needed @mahlerlove @declanexgf @spacehamsterthings @great-lake-state-of-mind @butchbatman @heyyitsjayy @plathcamusdostoyevskyjagger @in-the-key-of-f-major @peggyosgood @i-mossy @valeroyeaux @cryptid-god @a-girl-with-dumb-bitch-disease @legendofcutiepies @agenericpianist

[espritmuse]

Not a problem at all sweetness 💋

Well I already took “intro to surgery” biology, anatomy, basics, like I have most of my classes and credits done I would just need my hands on experience and 2 more class credits that I don’t have so I spoke to my dean today and she said it would take me 3 more years of school and two more years of residency but she said it’s not a problem and based on my grades she 100% believes I can do it so tomorrow I’m changing my major and signing up for the classes I need!!!! I’m excited!!!

It’s currently 1:15, I just finished running a few errands and now I’m home eating lunch and drinking Red Bull. I sleep in till 9 today which was cool, I’m normally up by 5:40 am. I also love winter but here in the states we get a LOT of snow so I don’t like having 4 feet of snow for 5 months but I like the cold ((expect for when it gets -30° f)) but I do love the look of snow and Christmas is one of my favorite holidays!! So I’m not American, I’m Australian but I’ve lived here since I was 18 ((got a scholarship to study abroad)) so I’ve celebrated thanksgiving and it’s also a favorite of mine cause of all the food 🤤🤤

I’ve been thinking about you quite a bit actually, while I was shopping I was like “hmmm I wonder if she’d like this?” So no need to haunt me babes

Okay plant has been named, I have Esprit on her pot with a lyre and a few pixies and fairies on it with some pretty flowers I made up ((they might exist idk, I was just painting what I thought would fit lol)) all of my pots are painted with their names on it and something to go with it 😊😊

I hope you had a great day, I know it’s late for you now so I hope you see this 🥺 if not that’s okay cause I know you’ll see it tomorrow 💖 💋💋-💍

i took a nap as soon as I came back home aaahh it’s almost 1am now !! Waking up with u msg is the best shit ever

If u can then it’s amazing baby!!! Go for it u won’t regret it !! Those additional years in school are so worth it if that what u really wanna do <33 if u break my heart u could repair it at least

Where did u live in australia!? It seems so nice I would have stayed there honestly😳 big spiders and snakes mhh delicious… no fr i never went there but in my head it’s really pretty…. And yeah for the snow bsbdkksd in my country we don’t have a lot of snow at all, I mean where I live at least, and the temperatures never go down -10 so it’s fine !!! Ur lucky for ur scholarship as well!! Since I wanted to study history and art I stayed in my own country bc the museums are nice (le Louvre ✊🏻) and filled with so many interesting and diverse things, (Also bc i wouldn’t have understood shit in another language but let’s make it poetic), one of my teachers is super super nice and she makes us visit museums/ ruins/ old castles with her in her free time !! She’s my favourite of all time <3

I never celebrated thanksgiving but the food seems pretty nice ;( u will invite me next time<3 And oh !! Tell me what things do u think I could like!!? I wanna know ! I’ll still haunt u anyways

What type of plant it is ?? I just buy the one i find pretty tbh, I don’t even know their names….. oops

And yeah my day was pretty great!! Nothing special, I’m just happy the weekend is finally here 😩 I wanna sleep……. What about u !!

[putschki1969]

Hi, Sarah! I hope you're doing well. I have a question for you. Did you learn Japanese on your own or did you take any courses? Your example really inspires me, and I want to try it too. I learned English on my own, but I think it's much easier than Japanese. I'm not sure I can afford a teacher. Maybe you can suggest some tutorials/programs? How many years did your training take?

Hello there lovely anon!

I learned English on my own too (by reading fanfics XD). It is most definitely much easier than Japanese (especially for a native-German speaker like myself).

As for Japanese, nope, initially I did not learn it on my own. I got a bachelor's degree in Japanese Studies at my local university and this was pretty much my first real contact with the language on a more advanced level (aside from knowing a few random words that is). I was literally the only non-otaku in my classes and also the oldest one since I had already studied law for a few years when I enrolled for the bachelor’s program in Japanese Studies.

I had always wanted to do something related to a language and so when I was getting close to finishing my law degree (I have a “Magister” in law which is kinda like a master/LLM but not really???), I decided it was the perfect time to start with my Japanese Studies courses.

Anyways, the program in Vienna (Austria) focuses heavily on research and cultural aspects but of course I also had to take a ton of language classes (that brought me pretty close to the JLPT N1 level - never took the test tho). So yeah, back then right after I graduated I SLAYED at kanji, grammar and vocabulary. These days I suck at kanji though XD

The bachelor’s program only took about three years if I remember correctly but it’s not like I ever stopped educating myself. For years now I have been translating regularly so I keep learning new things every day and it helps me not to forget about all the things that I was taught at uni.

I don’t really know what to recommend to you unfortunately since I don't know your situation. I am sure there are a ton of language courses available where you live. If you just want to learn the language, signing up for one of those is probably the best option for you. Teaching yourself a language can be pretty difficult because it requires lots of discipline. Quite frankly, most people lack the determination. But I am not saying it’s not possible, you can definitely do it! These days, there are also quite a lot of apps (e.g. Duolingo, HiNative) that come in handy if you want to learn a language

Majoring in Japanese Studies only makes sense if you wanna learn about all kinds of things and are not afraid to do a lot of research-based work [for some reason many of my fellow students had huge issues with that aspect of our studies, they couldn’t write a research paper to save their lives ¬_¬]. Also, you should be aware that career-wise there are not a lot of things you can do with a degree in Japanese Studies.

Having said that, the easiest way to learn any language is to surround yourself with it. Consume Japanese media IN JAPANESE all day every day (none of that translated or dubbed shit), interact with Japanese people, travel to Japan, stay there for a prolonged period of time etc. One of the reasons I suck at speaking Japanese is because I never actively use the language. I don’t really socialise or interact with any Japanese speakers (not even when I am in Japan). I also decided against a year abroad sinceI was too chicken shit and wanted to finish my studies ASAP. Try not to be like me in that regard or you might regret it!

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)

So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.

I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.

I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)

🍰 for @shotosimp2

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

Ok im ngl

Y'all had know clue who each other were

Well that's a lie

Of course you knew who Oikawa was

But you just didn't care

Now Oikawa always saw you around school

You know...in the school uniform

But one day

He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory

And apart of him was like bitch wtf

And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗

So he approached you and complimented your outfit

And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading

Wait

You just said thanks???

No fan girling????

Not even a blush??????

Nothing????????????

OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street

But you went to school with him?

So you had to know who he was right?

Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction

The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you

And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know

Oikawa: >:o

Then Iwa had a brilliant idea

Get this

Maybe

Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him

Wild theory I know

So now Oikawa had a new goal

Befriending you

It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together

Soon enough you guys became close friends

And oikawa was happy with just being your friend

At least...he thought he was

But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months

And even though you had each others numbers

Everything without you just seemed so dull

Omg

Did he really have feelings for you?

The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you

Like LIKED liked you

So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you

And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too

So you said yes

What they love about you

He loves how normal you treat him

Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity

Expected it even

But the more time he spent around you

The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally

Ok screw what your friend says

He loves your humor!

Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit

If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages

85% of it would be dumb ass memes

And honestly

This boy makes jokes about his trauma too

“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure”

“My existence”

“...”

“...”

“Ayyyyy”

“Ayyyyy”

He loves how easy it is to talk to you

Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before

And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE

So yeah

Trust between you two

ASTRONOMICAL

What you love about them

You love how supportive he is

If you say you wanna do something

He is right behind you cheering you on

You could tell him you want to commit arson

And he'd just be like

Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅

You can always count on this man to be in your corner

Speaking of

You can always count on oikawa period

Which is another thing that you love about him

If oikawa is anything

He is a man of his word

If he says hes gonna do something

You know he's gonna do it

He's just overall a really reliable person

You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better

Fr after you guys started dating your grades went

Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him

But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better

And if you do improve on something

He is HYPING you up

“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”

Favorite things to do together

Yall love to just go to the store and window shop

Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes

So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room

Taking pictures of your outfits

Then leaving

Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…

But who cares what they think

And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things

Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food

Cause why not

Random Hc

He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME

But like, can you blame him????

You're not even 5 feet tall!!!

“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”

Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”

“Touche”

He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE

Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗

He called you every day while you were studying abroad

He even sent you a oikawa plushie

You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it

When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport

Astrology

Virgo + Cancer

Compatibility 80%

Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.

The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.

If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.

In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.

If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.

If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.

Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.

If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.

This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.

This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.

Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.

Overall Aesthetic

Grunge Glamour ✨

Songs -

Tia tamera (Doja Cat)

Verbratem (mother mother

Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)

Hayloft (mother mother)

Stupid (ashnikko)

[renaxwrites]

Eleven

.07 - Night Changes 

synopsis: the number Eleven had always appeared in milestones of your life. it was a constant, and you didn’t know why. but you would soon find out when you study abroad in japan and meet Him.

pairing: tsukishima x fem!reader

warnings: none!

masterlist: here :)

a/n: hello again! it’s been a minute, and I haven’t been posting as much due to spending most of my spare time keeping informed on everything going onion world. it really has been stressful and overwhelming at times, I’ll be honest. however, if ANY of you need anyone to talk to or rant, don’t hesitate to message me! the best thing we can do is support one another as human beings. sorry if this chapter is long btw, lol. hope you enjoy <3 (English will be in bold) (here’s a link to the song in this chapter)

previous || next

Moon is lighting up her skin. She's falling, doesn't even know it yet. 

Tsukishima was the most difficult person you’ve ever tried to read. Silent but deadly. It was the things he wouldn’t say that would leave you both curious and afraid all at once. 

Yet you were falling deeper into his schemes. 

You weren’t sure what to make of your short, yet intimate, moment with the boy. And it wasn’t helping that the number Eleven kept conveniently popping up more often, as if trying to send you signs about the situation. Tsukishima, being the wild card that he is, wasn't helping either. However, as time went on, you began to learn to read between the lines of his behavior. 

At home, there would be light brushing on shoulders. Stray hairs being tucked into the back of your ear. The way he can’t seem to look you in the eye when he acknowledges the quality of your photos every so often.

At school, it was just like nothing happened between you two. However, even though he kept up his salty demeanor, the others could tell there was a smidge of a soft spot reserved for you. 

As the trip to Tokyo was getting closer, the team started to kick their practices into high gear. You had decided change your photography time of the boys a bit shorter than normal from then on, so you can help out Yachi and Kiyoko. 

The boys were on their break, and many of them went outside to indulge in some energy drinks being passed out. You sit on the sideline and begin to zone out, not noticing Suga saunter over and plop down next to you. 

“Sounds like something’s troubling you. You alright?”

You turn to see a him offering a curious smile, with a light touch of concern. 

“Sound? Did I say something out loud? Aw man, that’s great,” you sigh, suddenly embarrassed.

Suga shook his head. “No, you didn’t. Thinking can just appear very loud at times. Wanna talk about it?”

You ponder for a quick moment, deciding it was safe to confide in the vice-captain. “Just...boy trouble. Basically the summary.”

“Ah, I see. Well, I can relate to you there,” he tips his head back and sighs. 

You flinch in disbelief. “What? You’re joking, right? And why would you be having trouble? I can’t believe it.”

He laughs. “Me either, sometimes. But yeah...”

There’s a beat of silence before he suggests, “I’ll share if you do. That is, if you’re comfortable. If not, totally understandable.”

“Actually, it would be nice to confide in someone with a different perspective. I mean, I love Yachi, but I don’t want to keep bombarding her with my guy troubles. So, sure,” you admit. 

“Yeah, it’s been a while for me too. So, go ahead.”

You explain the whole spiel with the number Eleven. You were careful when mentioning your family’s background. Although the conversation was light-hearted, you trusted Suga with your past, and were rewarded with comfort as he held your hand in support. He didn’t give you the familiar pity you usually got. Instead, he intently hung onto your every word. From the very beginning with your parents, to the linked pinkies with Tsukishima, Suga nodded along, waiting until you finished to offer his insight. 

Once you were done, you heave a big sigh. “Whew, that was a lot. Sorry for just dumping the whole shebang on you.”

“No need to be sorry, y/n-chan. I’m glad you trusted me. Now, regarding Tsukishima, I definitely can see something’s happening. Not just me, either, the whole team kinda figures he is feeling something about you that he doesn’t with others. But, now that you explained it, it makes perfect sense.” 

He places his hand on his chin in contemplation. “I totally feel how you do with not being able to ‘figure him out’. There are signs that I feel are really special with this guy, but then I overthink it, which then leads me to wonder if it’s simply signs of being nothing more than a friend, ya know?” 

You nod, “Exactly. Do you mind if I ask who it may be that’s leading you in circles?”

He chuckles. “Want to take a guess?”

You tap your lips, trying to recall any details he might have given. “Well, the only people I see you consistently hang out with outside of the club is the other thirds years. Definitely not Asahi. And you’re not pining for Kiyoko-chan like Nishinoya and Tanaka, so I’m assuming it have to be...Daichi?”

Suga playfully shoves his shoves his shoulder against yours. “Well look at you, big ol’ detective, you. Your first try. And yeah, it is.” He sighs. “At least that explains a lot that I’ve mentioned, huh?”

“Yeah. Seems like we’re both in a rut.”

You both laugh, then sit in a comfortable silence for a moment. 

He lights up. “What if...there was a way...to tell them how we felt...but without actually telling them?”

Confused, you look at him with furrowed brows and curious eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Well, next week the whole team and a few players from other schools are all going to get together at this little place downtown, just to have a ‘last hurrah’ before the tournament. Arcade games, karaoke, food bar, all kinds of fun stuff!” he starts to ramble about the place.

Gently cutting him off, you question, “But what exactly does this have to do with ‘confessing our feelings without actually confessing?’” You gesture little air quotes.

He goops your nose. “Did I not mention there was karaoke? Every year there’s a little tradition between everyone of having a karaoke session. Everyone has to sing at least once. Managers don’t have to, but there’s always exceptions!”

“So? Oh wait, don’t tell me...Suga noooo...”

“Suga yes.” he counters, knowing that you both know where this was going. “You and I will be up there together! Confessing without confessing! Is that a great plan or what?”

“Sure, Suga, but I don’t sing,” you try to worm your way out of his plan.

“Oh hush! Not everyone knows how to sing, but everyone knows how to karaoke. And besides, I’ve heard you sing before. You’re awesome! Those vocal chords could give an angel a run for their money.” he gives his blinding smile. 

You flush a deep red. “You’ve...heard me sing before? Where?! When?! HOW?”

He puts his hand up in defense. “It was outside the gym. A few days ago. You and Yachi were singing your favorite Ariana Grande song because you were both loudly trying to decide which album was better.”

You hide your head in your hands. “Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. Let me just launch myself into the face of the earth real quick.”

“Y/n-chan, you sing beautifully, there’s no need to be embarrassed. Suga takes your hands and makes you look up. “How about this. Today we were going to Ukai’s store to get some meat buns anyway. Let me walk with you and I’ll sing for you. I heard you sing, so you can hear me. We’ll be even that way. Okay?”

You consider it before agreeing. Once you said yes, Suga engulfs you in a hug, which you wholeheartedly reciprocate. 

“Alright, seems like the break is over. See you in a bit, y/n-chan!”

You break the hug just as the team walked back in the gym. A few people saw, but didn’t think much of it. 

The ones who did think of it were the two boys you and Suga just talked about. 

           ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The whole team was in spirits for the most part. Who wouldn’t be when Coach Ukai was treating them all to meat buns?

Most of the boys were following close to the coach, eager for their treat. Especially the freak-quick duo, who obviously felt like they needed to have a race to the store.

Most players were walking in their respective groups and pairs, but the you and Suga managed to fade to the back of the pack, almost unnoticed. You both decided to slow your pace, to widen the gap a little between you and the others.

“Well, I promised you a song. Which one should I do?” Suga asked. You remember that he heard you sing but don’t remember what song it was that day.

“Sing the one I did when you heard me that day?” you suggest.

He laughs and puts a hand on the back of his neck. “You were singing it in English, so I only understood a couple words...would you translate maybe?”

Suddenly you remember. “Oh! It was ‘Moonlight’ by Ariana. Some of it I could only do in English for some reason.”

Suga let’s out a noise of realization, forming a small ‘o’ with his lips. “I know that one! My classmate showed me that song, it’s really good! But I don’t remember much to be honest.”

Feeling a tad bit braver, you suggest you sing it together, you with what you know in English and him Japanese.

“Good idea! Then we can kinda see what we sound like together. Okay let me hey look up the song on my phone...”

By this point, the team was way ahead, so it was assumed they wouldn’t hear you two. You both designate your respected parts to be organized in the vocals. Once you thought it was safe, the audio starts.

Suga begins the first verse.

“The sun is setting, and your right here by my side...And the movie is playing, but we won’t be watching tonight...”

To say he sang beautifully was an understatement. His voice was velvet, light feather tips tickling your eardrums. The soothing tones of his voice washed all your fear away, giving you the courage to continue with your verse.

“Every look, every touch, make me want to give you my heart. I be crushin’ on you baby, stay right where you are...”

Once you started, he eyes sparkled with wonder. Seeing his reaction be full of awe encouraged you to keep going.

“Cause I never knew, I never knew... You could hold moonlight on your hands, till the night I held you...”

Suga joins in to harmonize as you hold out: “You are my moonlight...Moonlight...”

The song eventually ends. Just in time for you two to arrive at Ukai’s store, where the rest of the team was already chowin down on there snacks.

You and Suga flatter each other with praise, with you even throwing in a pun of how his voice was like ‘suga’.

Your loud compliment-competition caught the eyes of the teammates.

“Well, that’s new,” Daichi states before biting into his meatbun.

The second-years, first-years, and Asahi glance over to the two of you intensely conversate.

“Do you think something’s up?” Asahi suggests.

“I’m not sure. It’s not bad, I’ve just never seen them talk one-on-one, so it’s surprising to see them together like that, that’s all.”

“You don’t think y/n-chan and Suga-senpai...like...like each other. Do you?” innocent and naive Hinata says.

Nishinoya and Tanaka immediately go on defense mode. “Not our precious manager!! She must not be tainted with the sins of men!! We must protect her at all costs!!”

A big sigh is heard, and the boys turn to the culprit, only to find Kiyoko and Yachi look exasperated.

“They’re not into each other. Just because they’re having a conversation about something they’re both passionate about doesn’t immediately assume that they’re into each other,” Kitoko shakes her head, causing them to second-guess their assumptions.

Yachi also shares her piece. “Boys. So gullible.”

“Agreed.”

The two girls turn and head home, leaving the boys to reconsider their assumptions.

“Probably not that big of a deal.” “Yeah she’s right, what’s the harm.” “Eh.”

Tsukishima, although he didn’t offer any comments, only showed his thoughts when you two walked home. Short answers. Slightly colder silence than usual. Bidding you a short “‘Night” before going to bed, instead of his usual “Goodnight y/n”.

You were unsure at his sudden change in behavior, but once you tucked yourself in, you see that Suga sent you a text: “So, are you in on the plan?”

The time on your phone changed to Eleven o’clock.

“Let’s do it.”

Does it ever drive you crazy...Just how fast the night changes?

taglist: @jiminslonglostjams @fantasymirror @shewastheriot @lukes-princess @iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire @its-bnha-babe @desi-studys @shootooooo @noya-senpai-imagines @animefan7420 @anpancari @tsukkx @cadabby @thoebe-fly @it-was-just-a-ship @imconfusedanditsok @alexa360b34st @delicious-peaches-blog @shinguchi @creammy0 @fandoms-on-main @smellybananaz @keikink @tsukiak4ri @skyguy-peach

[winterballads]

I was tagged by @strawberrylight to answer a few questions that dig a little deeper, thank you ily dshfgs 😚💕🌻

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

Mmm don’t have a particular preference for either

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

An in-between? Big cities overwhelm me and the country bores me - for me the perfect balance would be a quiet location close to nature, either in or on the outskirts of a small-ish city ✨

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

It’s impossible to only pick one! Most of all I’d like to know even more languages and writing systems (including all the ones coined by Tolkien), become an expert at shooting the bow, get back to doing fencing, and learn to play the drums and the cello/double bass 😍🙏

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

I only drink tea, and nope, never!

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which I read eight or nine times as a child sdgfs ⚡️

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

I rarely ever take baths but find them more relaxing and satisfying than showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

How do you expect me to choose when I obv wanna be all of them??? 😩😭 In terms of what fits me best, maybe a wood fae/fairy/sprite - and if specific fantasy worlds are allowed, a hobbit in Middle-earth and a sea witch in the Continent 🍃

8. Paper or electronic books?

Paper books for sure!

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

My black TPWK hoodie 🖤

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

I like it and defo wouldn’t change it 😊 It comes from Robin Hood and exists in some variation in many different languages, which I find brilliant :’)

11. Who is a mentor to you?

Mmmm probably my closest friends bc I look up to them and value their judgement so much 💞

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

Nope hahaha, too much stress and pressure 🙈

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

Unfortunately yes rip

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

Omg I’m probably the most romantic, cheesy and extra person you’ll find out there shfgsd 😂

15. Which element best represents you?

Water 🌊

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

Physically - my friends who live abroad 😭 Metaphorically - it’s homophobic that I’m not besties with ot5 and Henry Cavill 💔

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

My friends from Norway in particular, and yesterday night I dreamt about my German host mum so I’m missing her a lot today :(

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

I remember playing lava and recording radio shows/podcasts on cassettes with one of my sisters 🌸

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

No idea haha

20. What are you most thankful for?

The love in my life, and the fact that I’ve been able to live my dream of travelling for the past ten years or so 💖💖

21. Do you like spicy food?

My nose starts running and I lowkey die when it’s very spicy sdhfs (typical weak white person behaviour lmao), but I do like when it’s just a little spicy 🙈

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

Quite a few, yes! Was VIP at a Tokio Hotel show, got autographs from Simple Plan and All-American Rejects, etc. Not sure it counts as ‘meeting,’ but I also passed some of the guys from Avenged Sevenfold on the street in Montréal once 😌

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

I’ve tried many times but always end up giving up after a while bc it’s too time-consuming and I can’t be bothered rip

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Mmm maybe pen?

25. What is your star sign?

Cancer ♋️

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

CRUNCHY OMG, pls take soggy cereal away from me 😳

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

Warmth, love and kindness 🌻

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

I studied literature for five years - does that answer the first question? haha 😅 Last book I read was Andrzej Sapkowski’s Sword of Destiny sdhfgs and it broke me so bad I haven’t been able to read anything else since sdgfs bye 

29. How do you show someone you love them?

I check up on them, send them stuff that reminds me of them, make time for them, share the stuff I’m interested in with them and create a good environment for them to do the same, etc. 💕

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

Yes

31. What are you afraid of?

Pain and loneliness 

32. What is your favourite scent?

My cat’s smell 😭💗

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

Surname, unless we’re family / well acquainted (but I’m gonna have to change that habit when I live in Norway since practically everyone is on a first name basis there haha)

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

This is tricky bc I can’t imagine what it’d be like living life without having to think about money at all 🤔 But I think I’d travel a lot? Ideally I’d love to be working in something Tolkien-related (but not full-time sfgsdd), and I’d probs spend my free time with friends, out in nature and maybe doing some volunteering :)

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

The ocean for sure! Or a lake ☀️

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

I’d keep it, except if I knew who it belongs to and how I can give the money back to them

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

Yes and yes, though I can’t remember what my wish was 💫

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

That it’s okay to be whoever they are, and that they should accept others for who they are too and show tolerance and openness as much as they can 🌷

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

I’ve been considering so many tattoo ideas but always end up changing my mind after a while... Would really like something Harry or 1D-related and also some more Tolkien tattoos - it’s just super hard to decide on what exactly 😭

40. What can you hear right now?

My step-dad’s coffee machine working + workers doing renovations outside

41. Where do you feel the safest?

Mmm that’s a hard one, maybe when I’m with people I trust? 

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

It’s difficult to pick only one bc I’ve got quite a few issues I need to improve on (anxiety, bad self-esteem and insecurity to name only a few) 🙈

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

The Viking era hands down! ⚔️

44. What is your most used emoji?

All the pink hearts 💗💓💝💞💖💕

45. Describe yourself using one word.

Passionate

46. What do you regret the most?

I’m always most mortified to think back on instances where I accidentally hurt/upset someone in any way 💔

47. Last movie you saw?

Mudbound, which was very heavy but excellent!

48. Last tv show you watched?

Dear White People 🌈

49. Invent a word and its meaning

I feel like my cat Mia’s name sould become a verb that can be conjugated 💁

Tagging @amantisegreti @technicallysideacc @micshiefmanaged @gcralts @goldenfive @going-there-and-back-again @peachtimelord @feanarofinwion @daggryet @zenmalik - no pressure of course! 🌸💛

[pastelle-pvnk]

Why I Started Writing Again, or:

The Pretty True Story of How The Raven Cycle Saved My Life. 

--This is long, so thank you in advance for reading if you do.--

I wanted to take a minute to talk about the importance of fandom and feeling like you belong and how that’s a very powerful thing. 

Before I participated in the @pynchpromptweek 2019 Secret Santa exchange, I hadn’t written anything since January of 2015. The last time I posted was two days before 24th birthday. I can tell you exactly what was going on in my life at that time. 

I had just been told that I wasn’t going to make it through law school. My choosing to go to law school had less to do with the actual desire to practice law and more with the drive to do something that the world and my parents would accept as worthy. I had a writing degree from a good four-year university; continuing higher education by getting my J.D. was just something that was expected. 

2014, however, saw my grades slipping because - surprise, surprise - I wasn’t interested in what I was learning. The kicker to this is, of course, I wasn’t used to failure. I never really needed to study in high school and college; as long as I was on track to graduate with honors, my parents were pleased and I could do as I liked. It didn’t hurt that my degree had me writing fiction all day. Granted, it was very bad fiction, but it was still writing. 

I wrote all the time in high school and college. I wrote fanfiction and original fiction - anything wordy I could get my hands around, I did. I wasn’t really involved in fandom because, though I have the personality of a golden retriever, I also have a friend named Anxiety and a friend named Depression so I tend to be very cautious when joining things because I’m afraid people will immediately perceive me as being annoying. Yes, I’m going to therapy. Yes, it’s helping. 

Here’s the thing: law school is unlike any academic experience you will ever face. Law students are a strange breed of cryptids, foaming at the mouth for the love of justice and copious mounts of alcohol. You have to completely throw yourself into the first year of law school to even stay afloat and let’s be honest - I was mostly in it so that I could study abroad in Ireland that first summer (which I DID and it was AWESOME).

When I got the summons to appear in front of the academic board and was told that I probably wouldn’t be allowed to continue law school - that I had failed - my desire to write dried up. 

It didn’t help that someone made a reappearance in my life and his reappearance was not helpful. Like, at all.

Depression moved in with me like a bad roommate. Anxiety was its unwelcome, unhelpful partner. My relationships grew strained. I had a hard time talking to my dude. I had a hard time talking to my best friends, many of whom were either still in law school or had found jobs and were successful. I didn’t see where my place in the picture was anymore. 

I worked in a restaurant and I worked in a bookstore and I didn’t write. 

And I worked for my parents and I got a salaried, “big-kid” job and I didn’t write. I got married! And I didn’t write. 

I didn’t write for almost 5 years. Sure, I jotted ideas down. But the thought of seeing those ideas through was exhausting and terrifying. What if I failed again? What if, just like law school, I had imagined my desire to be a writer and I was actually very horrible at the very thing that had been bringing me joy for 10+ years? 

Two very important things happened in those five years: I rediscovered my love of reading for pleasure (a thing that gets sucked out of you quite viciously after five and a half years of higher education), and I read The Raven Cycle. 

I know that there are a stunning number of people who love Maggie Stiefvater’s writing, and I’m one of ‘em. 

(I’m getting teary thinking about this, hang on.) 

Okay. I was working at a very big bookstore chain in the children’s department. My focus in college had been YA lit, so when I had the opportunity to recommend books to kids and teens, I jumped on it and didn’t let go. Part of my job was shelving books into their appropriate sections and I had seen The Raven Boys, The Dream Thieves, and Blue Lily, Lily Blue more times than I could count. In April, 2016, The Raven King hit the shelves and I decided it was time to read this series. 

I was HOOKED. Not only was this a vibrant, incredible world with these super dynamic characters but the fandom was active and thriving. There’s something uniquely special about jumping into fandom when it’s established, healthy, and active. You actually feel like you can contribute and want to. 

Here’s the disclaimer: I only dabbled on Tumblr between 2016 and 2019 (my depression had me delete my blog twice, which was unhelpful), so I probably missed some things, but I’ve never known The Raven Cycle fandom to be anything but welcoming and open. Everyone has their ships, everyone has their tropes, and everyone has their opinions but the people I’ve interacted with have also practiced this wonderful “You like what you like, I like what I like, let’s talk about the overlap” mentality that I adore. I adore this mentality so much that when one of my best friends said, “You wanna start a book podcast to talk about stuff we like and don’t like?” I said, “YES.” 

One of the reasons we chose to do The Raven Cycle, and subsequently Call Down the Hawk, for @shelfcontrolpod is because I’m so grateful to this series and this fandom for bringing the joy of unabashedly loving something back into my life.

When I saw the Pynch Prompt Week Secret Santa come across my dash last winter, I felt like I was in a good enough place to join in. I was so, so nervous. More than the fear of not being a good writer, I was afraid of failing. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find the words and I would disappoint and be disappointed. But I managed to squeeze out As If I’d Choose Anything Else - the first thing I’d written in almost 5 years. 

Then I did @bittysvalentines Gift Exchange. I signed up for @trcbigbang. I signed up for @rwrbbigbang. I kept jumping into fandom and joining discord servers and putting myself and my writing out there for people to read. In the last four months, I’ve written more than I wrote in that last, horrible year of law school. Even with all the craziness going around and things in my personal life that aren’t ideal, I’m still inspired to create. 

A huge part of all of this are the people I’ve met doing these challenges. The people I’ve let myself come to know through fandom. By sharing a little of myself with them and happily embracing what they share with me, I’ve found a community where I feel very much at home. So thank you, OMGCP fandom and RWRB fandom. Thank you, TRC fandom in particular. There’s a lot of overlap in there, but you all have brought joy into my life, and I’m so grateful for it. 

Thank you to creators like Maggie Stiefvater and Ngozi Ukazu for creating these worlds I adore.

And thank you, law school, for teaching me about failure and what it felt like to have all the wind taken out of my sails so that I could redirect my ship and find new winds to take me to better shores. 

(Okay, now I’m actually crying.) 

[thebaddie96-blog]

Once In A Life Time

~Chapter 2~

My Airbnb was a cute yet small studio with a great view of the city. There were stairs that lead to a queen bed above the kitchen, shit I even have a bidet. I don't even know how to work that thing but I'm sure as hell gonna use it.

“Ok B, it's your first day in South Korea. What are you gonna do?’”

“Mmmhmm well I don't know Be-Be let us think!!”

"K Dramas!!!" I yell and rush to turn on the TV. I settle into a show called 'Revenge Note' but not even 5 minutes into the show I start to doze off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*buzz buzz* *buzz buzz*

"Mmm." *buzz buzz* "ugh."

Slowly I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing in my ear. Grabbing it I answer without looking, much to my regret.

“BE-BE!!! HOW DARE YOU WORRY ME LIKE THIS?" I pull back the phone checking the caller I.D.

"Min-ho?"

"So now you remember your friends. Are you sleeping? You've been in Korea for 6 hours and you chose to sleep!!" Ugh he is so dramatic.

"Chill Min-Min ok it was a 14 hour flight cut me some slack and on top of that my entire outfit  got ruined by some sexy tattooed god. Which reminds me I still have to change."

"Sexy Tattooed God??? Give me the phone. Hello?"

"So-eun heyyyy girly."

"Don't hey girly me, we will be at your place in 20min be ready." And with that she hung up. 

Ugh great. 

Min-ho and So-eun are old friends of mine. I've known them for about 5 years when they came to America to study abroad at the same college I was in. Even though I didn't stay in school I stayed in contact with them. Sometime around their senior year they decided it would be a good idea to date and have been together ever since. Min-ho is pretty outspoken but a softy at heart, but So-eun she is a force to be reckoned with.

I really just wanted to sleep. The flight was really long and I need time to refresh my senses. Sighing I get up, take a quick 5 minute shower then put on some black ripped skinny jeans and a black top. Just as I get my shoes on Min-Min calls me letting me know they are here. Welp here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We sat inside a Korean BBQ restaurant and god I didn't realize how hungry I was. My friends could barely get in a word as they watched me chomp down on the several beef strips Min-Min grilled for us. 

"Ok ok B, slow the fuck down.선량" So-eun request looking around the restaurant at all the eyes watching amazed I could consume so much. I swallow hard then burp sitting back in my chair.

"Sorry I didn't realize how hungry I was and the food is so good!" I say scoping a big chunk of white rice in my mouth.

“Babe i’m so glad you're here. I’ve missed you so much.” Min-ho says pulling me into a hug. “How was the flight in? Did you navigate your way to the airbnb well? Why didn’t you call us when you landed? you know we would have come get you. Why were your clothes ruined? These are questions I need answers to."

“Min-ho! Chill ok. The flight, the flight was... rough but I made it. I didn’t really navigate myself to my airbnb but I got there safe. I told you I wanna experience Seoul for myself. And the answer to the last question; it's an un- interesting story.” I finished stuffing more meat in my mouth.

“Great we love un-interesting stories.” So-eun states snatching my chopsticks out of my hand. I roll my eyes slouching back in my seat.

“Really it's nothing, I was waiting for my taxi, a private car zoomed up to the curb and in the process splashed a shit ton of dirty street water all over me. The driver and his boss felt bad so they offered to drive me to my airbnb.” They just sat there staring.

“Ok… and when does the sexy tattooed god come into the story.” Min-ho say mimicking my statement from earlier. So-eun slaps his shoulder motioning for him to be quiet.

“The boss of the driver was the sexy tattooed god. But he was weird, he kept smiling at me and wasn’t really listening to anything I was saying it was just let me wipe your face this let my driver drive you that. I mean come on he didn’t even know me. I could have killed his driver and stolen the car."

“But you didn’t.” So-eun says smiling

“Shut up!” rolling my eyes I throw a piece of kimchi at her. “He told his driver to give me his card In case I “need” any extra help."

“That's great, let me see his card.”

“I don’t have it, it's back at the airbnb.” I quickly snatch back my chopsticks and continue eating.

“Well did you at least get his name?” Min-ho asked. 

“Nope he never said and I didn’t really look at the card.” They both just roll their eyes giving up. “ His diver did refer to him as Mr. Yu tho” 

“Ok that could be anyone in South Korea.” 

I just shrug trying to enjoy my meal. I didn’t come to Korea for guys no matter how beautiful or sexy they might be. No matter how well designed and applied their tattoos are.

“When is your meeting with AMOG?”

“Not till Friday. I came early to hang out, sight see and shop.”

“I still can't believe they are thinking of signing you on as a label choreographer.” So-eun gushes.

“Thats not why they’re calling me in. Besides it’s all thanks to Min-Min if he hadn’t slipped Jay Park my youtube channel I doubt I would be here.”

“Nope don’t do that, he found you I just simply stated you were my best friend in the whole world at our last photoshoot.” Min-ho went to school for fashion design and styling. He is on the come up as one of South Korea's top stylists. And So-hun is his manager, don’t let her personality fool you when it comes to business shawty doesn’t play. 

"Welp either way it's just a trial. To see how i fit in with the group, and how much of a demand Im needed/ wanted." 

I've been dancing for pretty much my whole life but I stopped my freshman year of college after my mom passed. She really wanted me to be a lawyer or psychologist or something like that so I tried to do it her way. But one day I had a dream about her and she told me how happy she was that I would think to follow the dream she had for me but she would be much happier if I followed my own dreams. After I woke up I quit school and started dancing full time. Crazy right but if I didn't have that dream I honestly don't know where I would be right now.

"You'll do great!! Don't second guess you're self."  I just nod shrugging it off. Im really just happy to be here. If it works out it works out if it doesn't…..then even will be ok. I hope.

“I have to go pee.”

“Great thanks for sharing.” Getting up I stroll to the bathroom and flash a smile over my shoulder. Min-ho pulls So-eun into a hug and kisses her forehead. Aww they are so cute. I throw them one last look and head toward the bathroom. 

After doing my do I quickly washed my hands. I do 2 quick poses checking my outfit then exit the door.

“Dude your drunk! Watch out!” I turn my head to the commotion coming from my right. Some guy clearly drunk off his shits was attempting to dance on one of the tables in the restaurant. 

“Leave me alone you party pooper.” he suddenly picks up a hand full of Sigeumchi Namul and chucks it at the guy smearing the seasoned green vegetable on his face and shirt. The drunk guy on top of the table proceeds to laugh his ass off. The other guy now irritated picks up a hand full of Oi Muchim and throws it very forcefully at the man laughing hysterically. Suddenly he slips in his drunken fit smashing to the ground near their table. The Oi Muchim that was originally meant for the namji on the floor sprung through the air toward my direction. It was as if everything was in slow motion. So-eun and I had the same reaction oh shock as the one who inflected the throw eyes burst open as a look of ‘oh fuck’ crossed his face. 

Well isn’t this just great. With not enough time to react I felt the slippery red sauce splat on my chest and neck and the green cucumbers creating their own personal design on my belly. Just great.

The guy who threw the Oi Muchim sprinted from his table towards me forgetting about his friend who now looks passed out on the floor.

“I am so sorry, that was not meant for you.”  he speaks with an incredibly deep voice. almost demonic like. I give him a "no shit Sherlock" look then proceed to flick the access food off of me.

“ You had better be are you fucking kidding me, why don’t you and your drunk of a friend go to a bar if you’re gonna do shit like this.” So-eun dashes from our table next to me helping me clean off.

“So-eun it’s fine. Clearly his friend is going through something, no one can get drunk at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.”

“Yeah.” The guy states rubbing the back of his head. “We just lost a pretty big deal for our company and he is taking it pretty hard. But that is still no excuse.”

“You damn right.” I shoot So-eun a glare signaling for her to shut up.

“Please let me make it up to you; no let my buddy make it up to you. He will pay for your meal.” Both So-eun and I looked on either side of this stranger to checkout his friend who is still on the ground passed out with his pants halfway down. So-eun and I share a look giggling a bit at the picture in front of us. 

“Its ok you guys are good I-”

“I’m sorry hold on for a sec.” So-eun grabs me and turns us around giving our back to the guy. “Are you seriously trying to give up a free meal?”

“Look this is the second time today that I had an outfit ruined. I'm over it let's just go pay the bill, grab chicken and beer and go back to my place.”

So-eun just sighs “B, I can't let you do this, it's a free meal.” 

“What's a free meal?” Where has he been throughout this whole commotion. “Woah babe what happened to your clothes.”

“Where have you been? Could you not hear all the commotion?” So-eun accuses Min-ho, slapping his chest. He just stares looking confused. 

"I had a phone call."

“Min-ho? What's up bro.” All of our eyes dart to the guy behind us. I almost forgot he was there.

“Woo? What's up, what are you doing here?” So-eun and my head shoot back toward Min-ho.

“Hold up, yall know each other?”

“Yeah Woo and I go way back I do a lot of the styling for Dynamic Duo.” Both of our faces form an O and slowly look back to this Woo guy. Looking him up and down we both take in his appearance. Black jeans that fit his legs very well, a slim black loose fitted shirt slightly hugging his biceps and two full sleeves of tattoos covering his arms and hands. Jesus, he must eat sleep and breathe the gym. Finally scanning up to his face I am shocked by his incredible jawline and cheekbones. The man was something out of a horror film. Mmm maybe a soft core horror film cause you couldn’t deny he was attractive.

“Ehem.” he clears his throat looking at us, although it sounded more like a rough growl. “So about that meal.”

“Dude are you hitting on my best friend! At a restaurant?” You can always count on Min-oh to completely read a situation wrong. He smiles giving this Woo guy two thumbs up and a wink.

“ You know what, do what you guys want. Have him pay for the meal, don't have him pay. I don't care. I’m gonna go and see if i can find a new shirt. I'll meet you guys at the car.” walking to our previous table I grab my bag and head out the door.

“Really Min-ho” So-eun smacks his shoulder.”

[lambychop]

Ultimate Horror Flick List

I know this isn’t usually my style, but 🎵it’s the most wonderful time of the year🎵

That’s right: it’s the spoopy month! Which means SPOOPY MOVIES

So I present to you:

IRONICENIGMA’S ULTIMATE HORROR FLICK LIST FOR ALL TYPES OF FILM LOVERS

1) For the Gore Hounds

•Saw series- the classic films for the guys who just wanna see some people get ripped to shreads (honestly, after the second one, they go downhill)

•Jigsaw- the more recent edition to the Saw series (this ones actually pretty good and FULL of gore)

•Hostel- Saw Studies Abroad (TM)

•Final Destination series- kinda a dumb one. The movies can be kinda dumb, but the kills are INSANE. Fun movies to watch with the gang

•Texas Chainsaw Massacre- you know it, you love it, I don’t gotta explain it

•Cannibal Holocaust- seriously messed up. Banned in multiple countries. It’s something special.

•The Midnight Meat Train- lesser known, kinda weird, super bloody

•Cabin Fever- gross disease makes you loose your skin. Nasty

•Wrong Turn- basically The Hills Have Eyes but with funner kills

2) The Classic Slashers

•Scream series- one of my faves. Classic story of small town teens with a killer on the loose. Lots of fun

•Friday the Thirteenth- do I have to tell you why this is here?

•Nightmare on Elm Street- Johnny Depp getting turned into a volcano of blood? I’m in.

•Halloween- can’t have Halloween without the movie that took the name, right?

•My Bloody Valentine (the original one)- one of my all time favorite movies. Creepy killer, great group of characters, great time

•Sleepaway Camp- infamous for its batshit ending. Kinda weird ngl, but a classic

•The Town That Dreaded Sundown- Based on a real killer. Oldie, but goodie

•Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon- different take on the slasher genre. Fun look into the life of a movie slasher

•You’re Next- badass female lead? Check. Masked murderers? Check. Family bonding? Uh sure okay

•I Know What You Did Last Summer- secrets are bad. Roll credits

3) Supernatural (demons, ghosts, etc)

•The Conjuring- it’s pretty popular, you know it

•Insidious- also popular. Moral: your body is a ghost hotel

•Sinister- classic demon: likes kids, likes brutal deaths, likes to appear in the background of pictures

•The Exorcist- obviously

•Lights Out- ghosts are scared of light, that’s all you need to know

•The Sixth Sense- not really scary. Actually pretty wholesome. In an “I see dead people” kinda way

•The Rite- priest Anthony Hopkins coughs up nails

•The Omen- aka don’t trust kids

•1408- haunted hotel room. Someone call the ghoul bois

•The Amityville Horror- based on true events. Well at least we know the murders were real and the house is creepy

•The Skeleton Key- Old People+Voodoo= bad time

•Haunting In Connecticut- also a “true” story. Don’t buy a house that used to be a morgue

•The Autopsy Of Jane Doe- boy bonds with dad over dead teenage girl

•Mama- moths are gross, ghosts are worse. Dead Mom from Beetlejuice, but now a movie

•Rosemary’s Baby- dont trust thy neighbor

•The Shinning- classic. That’s all I’ve got to say

•The Orphanage- again: creepy kids

•Stir Of Echos- Kevin Bacon sees ghosts. Must I say more?

•The Others- haunted house story with a twist ending

4) Creature Features

•Trick ‘r Treat- classic Halloween film. Fun, creepy, iconic

•The Ritual- camping trip turns bad. Monster looks really cool

•A Quiet Place- you’ve probably seen it. Jim from the office speaks sign language

•The Babadook- children’s storybook is not kid friendly

•Backcountry- bears are dangerous

•Alien- you’ve seen this already but it needs to be here

•The Descent- dont watch if your claustrophobic

•An American Werewolf In London- also a fave. Best werewolf movie ever made

•The Monster- lesser know, actually pretty good

•The Thing- classic. Super good. Based on a short story. No one can be trusted because you don’t know if they’re even them

5) Horror Comedies

•Zombieland- hysterical. Bloody. Great cast

•Cabin In The Woods- this movie is insane. Combine every horror monster ever, the Illuminati, and the Office- that’s this movie

•Shaun of the Dead- the classic horror comedy

•Scary Movie series- less horror, ridiculous comedy

•This Is The End- again, like no horror, but one of the funniest films ever

6)Found Footage (not a great genre, but some can be pretty entertaining)

•The Blair Witch Project- basically the king of the found footage films. You’ve seen it

•The Conspiracy- the Illuminati is real and they don’t like to be filmed

•Paranormal Activity series- kinda annoying to horror fans. Relies on jump scares and the characters are idiots. But if I’m doing a section on foud footage, this has to be here

•Creep- okay this movie actually really disturbed me. People are absolutely insane. Don’t meet up with people from Craigslist

•V/H/S series- basically a anthology of short horror films. Kinda fun

•Apollo 18- the government faked the moon landing because they found some crazy shit

•The Sacrament- Jonestown caught on camera

•As Above So Below- Paris Catacombs are wack

•Grave Encounters- what if Ghost Adventures actually found ghosts

•Unfriended Dark Web- lets be honest: the first one sucked. Second one is actually not bad. Take away the ghosts, add the black market

•The Poughkeepsie Tapes- lesser know, can be hard to find. Really disturbing. Basically watching a serial killer tape his crimes

•Cold Ground- Set up to look just like it’s out of the seventies. It’s pretty fun

•The Last Exorcism- priests are liers

•Quarantine- English version of [REC]. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s something

•Hell House LLC.- kids set up a haunted house. People die

•The Houses October Built- again with the haunted houses. Don’t trust em

•The Bay- Cabin Fever but found footage-y

•Willow Creek- y’all gotta leave Bigfoot alone

•Lake Mungo- girl drowns, family sees her ghost. No jump scares with this one, like most found footage. Mostly just a family in mourning

•The Tunnel- if the government says to stay out, STAY OUT

•The Taking Of Deborah Logan- alzheimers itself is awful to go through, but let’s add some more spooks

•The Possession Of Michael King- another possession film? Yep they just keep comin

•The Last Broadcast- suspicious murder of tv hosts

6) Family Fun

•Hocus Pocus- okay obviously

•Beetlejuice- dark humor in a “kids” film. Most of the comedy caters to adults, but it’s an awesome film

•Corpse Bride- guy accidentally marries dead girl. Wholesome family fun

•The Nightmare Before Christmas- my fave Disney film. Super cute

•Frankenweenie- dead dog=goodest boy

•Paranorman- sixth sense but now for kids+zombies

•Coraline- Might scar some small children, but I loved it when it came out when I was 8

7) Psychological

•Midsommar- happy cult family holds a festival

•Funny Games- home invasion movie done well. No cheap thrills, just some sadistic shit

•The Strangers- dont answer the door for people wearing masks when it’s not Halloween are you crazy

•The Perfection- artistic, bloody, absolute mind fuck

•Gerald’s Game- sexy time turns not good

•Unsane- imagine being stalked and no one believes you. That’s the premise

•Triangle- ummmmmmmm wtf is happening what time is it??

•It Comes At Night- trust is bad. Paranoia is good.

•The Silence of the Lambs- my personal favorite film. Serial killer helps rookie detective find another serial killer

•Jacob’s Ladder- Vietnam vet struggles with EXTREMELY terrifying visions

AND THERE YOU GO. I have seen plenty more, so if you don’t see one you’d like on this list, hit me up with what kinda movie you’re lookin for and I’ll hook you up amigo

[thelegendofclarke]

Hi! I love your blog and I’m fascinated about your personality, you seem such a wonderful person! Could you share with us, dear followers, about life lessons you learned in your life? I trust that you have some few good advice. P.S. Your tags are the best, they are gold!

Hey anon!

well first of all i want to apologize to you because it has been approximately TWELVE HUNDRED YEARS since you sent me this ask and i have truly been The Worst™ about answering my asks. and THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind words, you are so sweet ❤ ❤ ❤

i really wanted to answer this with some variation on “my advice is to never ask me for advice” lol because i have no idea what i’m doing. like seriously, 95% of the time this is a fly by the seat of my pants, fake it til ya make it operation. BUT i made you wait SO LONG and i didn’t want to leave you hanging, so i made you a list of some Random Life Lessons i’ve accumulated during my sad, sorry existence on this earth.

HERE WE GO…

Never assume you are the smartest person in the room.

You are never too old to use Johnson & Johnson baby products, go to Chuck-E-Cheese, enjoy a nice ice cream cake, or eat Lunchables.

You are not bound or beholden to anyone else’s perception of you… Fuck them, they don’t know your life.

Dear dudes: if when you say “boys don’t like when girls…” Our response is ALWAYS going to be “girls don’t gaf.”

Don’t waste any of your time fucking with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

You see a relationship needs to be mutually beneficial. If you’re both not getting something you want it’s a bad relationship.

The high road is like, the worst road ever and annoying af while you’re one it… but at the end of the day, taking it will probably make you feel better about yourself.

Pickle juice is an EXCELLENT chaser.

Let your instincts and the hair on the back of your neck dictate what you do, NOT politeness.

If someone is constantly accusing you of cheating on them it’s because they are cheating on you constantly.

JELL-O No-Bake Boxed Cheesecake is actually pretty damn good.

Never let anyone make you feel like you owe them anything more than yourself.

Blavy is terrible and does not look good on ANYONE. I don’t care that Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs said it’s ok now… It’s not.

Don’t care about what people say behind your back. Theres a reason why they’re behind you.

Find good friends that you trust that you can be an asshole with in private so you don’t act like an even bigger asshole in public.

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel shitty or belittle you for caring about things; and the same goes for getting excited about things.

Related to the above, don’t ever belittle or go out of your way to make people feel shitty about the things they can and get excited about. It’s truly one of the meanest things you can do.

Whenever you get to a new campus, whether it be uni or grad school or study abroad, ALWAYS walk to where all your classes will be BEFORE the term starts. Seriously, the walking estimated time on the maps thingies are full of shit.

Don’t ever say “i’m sorry you feel that way” to people. Honestly, you sound like a douche. And you’re not sorry.

If you ever get to a point in a relationship where you are seriously considering cheating on your significant other, just break up with them. It’s time.

Learn at least one self defense move… It doesn’t matter if it’s a kick or a punch or whatever. just make sure you know one and make sure you know it really well.

There is a difference between “being a risk taker” and “being a dumbass.” You’ll know it when you see it.

The same goes for things like “being realistic” vs. “being a fucking bummer”… Just kep an eye out ya know?

If you have had a disagreement with someone but you guys talk it out and decide you are going to move on from it, move on from it. If you are still angry, you need to let the other person know that.

Never, NEVER, let your first date with someone be to a wedding.

Same goes for funerals, bar/bat mitzvah’s, quinces, or any other large family gathering. at least go out for coffee first or something.

It doesn’t matter how far away from his mamma he moves, a mamma’s boy will always be a mamma’s boy.

“Brutal honesty” is called that because it usually involves brutalizing someone. so ask yourself, is your brutality really needed or appreciated?

Standing up for yourself shouldn’t involve walking all over someone else or making them feel shitty. Those 2 things should not be mutually exclusive.

Never let a teacher or authority figure make you feel stupid for not being good enough at certain school subjects.

Trust your instincts about the following: boys, friends, people trying to sell you shit, people trying to get you to sign shit.

If for any reason you are in a situation where police are involved, do NOT speak to them without a lawyer, parent, or some kind of other advocate present

It’s ok to wait to get your license until you feel ready to drive

Don’t worry about your weight. It fluctuates as you grow because your insides are growing too. It is natural.

if you notice something about someone’s appearance and they can’t fix it right away, don’t tell them. For example, if you are at a bar with friends, Good: “hey you have lipstick on your teeth.” Bad: “hey that shirt is really unflattering.”

Don’t every tell anyone someone “loves them in their own way.” it’s shitty. don’t say it… there is no wrong way to love someone, but there are things that are not love.

You don’t have to be anyone’s sidekick friend… You are no one’s sidekick.

“Be stubborn about your goals but flexible about your methods.”

Get rid of stuff you don’t use. Unused and unappreciated things make us feel bad.

Listen to Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” slowed down to 33 rpm, at least once in your life.

If a dude ever tells you in all seriousness that he loves fight club and/or Tyler Durden, run. Run fast, and run far.

If you ever find yourself wondering if you sound or are being condescending, you are.

Know how to cook at least one thing well enough that you can do it from memory. even if its just pasta or chicken or something… there will come a time in your life where you are going to have to unexpectedly feed yourself. don’t be caught unprepared.

Try to avoid doing the following: making promises when you are really excited. responding when you are angry. making decisions when you are sad.

You have to be willing to cut off people who make you unhappy. it’s going to really suck and you are going to feel really guilty. and chances are they are going to get pissed and it will be very unpleasant. but you have to cut off toxic relationships. The only thing toxic that you should still be in contact with is that song Britney Spears made, because that song is lit af.

And going along with that, life is too short to pretend like you don’t love britney spears or taylor swift or whatever pop music makes you happy. seriously, if people are going to give you shit about that, they can kiss your ass.

When you make a to do list add a few things that you have already done or that you can get done in the next hour or so, because it feels really good to cross things off.

Going back to an old relationship is like rewatching a movie and expecting a different ending to happen… spoiler alert: ain’t nothing gonna change

Never mistake kindness for weakness or silence for stupidity.

“One of the biggest lies we’re told is that ‘everything happens for a reason.’ Allow yourself to remember that accidents happen, and not all of them have to shape your life. Try to let go of toxic people and situations that are harming you. Not all lessons are worth learning the hard way. Take care of yourself.”

If someone is complaining to you about something and you are going to give them advice, ask first. say “do you want advice or do you just need to vent?” because unwanted advice when someone is already annoyed is never going to help the situation.

Telling someone to “calm down” has never worked. ever. in all of history… I’ve checked. Repeatedly.

“You all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you.”

When you can’t be honest with people, you can’t ever relax with them.

Don’t listen to the people who tell you ‘if you give up, you never wanted it in the first place.’ Sometimes, it’s okay to give up on things.

All relationships have to have mutual effort… If they wanna talk to you, they will. If they wanna be with you, they will. If they wanna make things work, they will. Don’t let things be one sided. It’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to you.

You deserve friends who treat you with love and respect. You deserve friends that listen to you. You deserve friends that try to understand your feelings and respect them. You deserve positive and healthy friendships. Don’t settle for less.

Don’t take yourself too seriously… Sometimes ridiculous, dumb shit is gonna happen to you and you should recognize it for what it is: a really good story you can tell at parties.

It’s really, really important to realize that missing someone or something and wanting it back are two very, very different things.

Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s a bad thing to feel things deeply. A full heart is a strong heart and being soft doesn’t make you weak. Being soft and loving makes you radiant. you deserve all of the love in the world and so many good things.

Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.

There are some people who will nitpick and dwell over your tiniest faults just to make them feel superior. Leave them be to find satisfaction. Only the insecure think that another’s flaws and shortcomings can become their own merits.

You’re not fake simply because you act differently depending on the person you’re with. Different personalities bring out different aspects of your personality. You’re complex and multidimensional and you contain fucking multitudes man; it’s beautiful.

Whenever you go somewhere new, try to go to at least one restaurant recommended by a local. Seriously, 9 times out of 10 it will be the best meal you have on the whole trip.

Please, for the love of god, just walk your drunk friends to the door. Sooo much can happened between your car and the door.

Learn the difference between something that makes you feel bad, and something that’s wrong. A thing can feel bad and be right, and it can feel good and be wrong… In the end, being able to look at yourself in the mirror will end up being the most important thing.

If you need to stop for any reason in a public place, move off to the side first.

Unless it’s been agreed about before hand, don’t keep score about paying for things. If you offer to pay for something, don’t do it with the expectation that you must be reciprocated later.

Honestly, don’t keep score with anything tbh. Half the time people don’t know they are playing in the first place.

If you wear a kick ass outfit but don’t see anyone the day you wear it, it’s ok to wear it again the next day.

Be aware of the toxic and intoxicating effect of bad moods.

Unless you are the DD or don’t drink, avoid being the least sober person in the room. just, trust me.

Never settle for less than you deserve, if you’re unhappy move on you will find happiness eventually and when you do it will be such a wonderful feeling.

Some people are just naturally good at things, it happens. Don’t measure yourself against those people. That is just asking for a migraine and an inferiority complex.

Try not to use the excuse “because that’s how other people do it”… Sometimes you need to do better than the people that came before you.

It is perfectly reasonable to judge someone based on their politics. Peoples’ politics reflect their opinions on damn near everything.

If you are going to have a casual sexual relationship with someone (aka have a fuck buddy) be real clear about those Terms and Conditions a head of time.

If you can only be clever or funny at the expense of others or their feelings, you aren’t actually clever or funny. You’re just a bully.

People who say “learn to take a joke” or “learn to laugh at yourself” can never take a joke or laugh at themselves. I know this to be true to a fault. 

Don’t use words when you don’t know what they mean… I know this sounds stupid, but seriously. You would be shocked. Just don’t do it.

Sex should never be painful (unless there is explicit consent) or make you uncomfortable… There is a HUGE difference between trying something that is outside your sexual comfort zone and doing sexual things that make you feel bad or uncomfortable. And anyone pushing you do to the latter is not someone you need to be in a relationship with, sexually or otherwise.

For the love of god and all that is holy and unholy… BE AWARE OF YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.

Never give anyone else control over your mental health or mental state.

Try to stay away from people who hit/throw things when they are angry or get really angry when they are drunk.

Don’t approach relationships with people with the goal of like, changing or saving or educating them. That’s not your job.

If someone goes after your looks or your intelligence, it means they have nothing else to say.

If you are going to make people feel shitty for being a virgin OR for having sex, you are an asshole. Bottom line. No exceptions.

If you are gonna fuck around with Ouija boards and shit like that, be ready for what you are getting yourself into.

Pick one day a week where you clean or tidy your personal space. You will feel so much better about life.

Sometimes you are going to have to do things you don’t want to do or go places you don’t want to go because someone you love wants to. If your bff wants to go to a concert for a band you don’t like/have never heard of for their birthday or see a movie you don’t really want to see, just do it. Small things like that can make people so happy. You are doing it because you care, you aren’t forfeiting anything.

Don’t let people take advantage of your or walk all over you or take things out on you… a) they may not even realize they ARE doing it and will KEEP doing, or b) they will know they CAN and they will KEEP doing it.

Not every Hill has to be The Hill You Will Die On… Like, you can just camp out there for a little while. it’s fine.

Try to buy a few extra birthday/special occasion cards and like $5-$10 gifts cards to Starbucks or Target or something like that to have one hand. Because i am telling you rn, there will come a time where you will completely forget someone important’s birthday.

There are going to be people who hate you based solely on what someone else told them about you. Yes it’s shitty. But 9 times out of 10 no, neither of them are worth your effort.

There are also going to be people who hate you for no particular reason and get pissed off about everything you do. don’t try to appease them because it will just make you hate yourself… At some point EVERYONE is someone’s “Bitch Eating Crackers.” You should just keep eating your crackers.

Likewise, if you find yourself getting pissed off or annoyed at everything someone does, don’t interact with them. You are just going to prolong your own pain, suffering, and pissiness.

A lot of the time, headaches can be cured by one of the following: sleep, food, water, tylenol, or loosening your ponytail… Make sure to try al those before you start freaking out about having a brain tumor.

The whole “nothing good happens after 2 am” thing is a myth… If you are out and having fun, stay out. Have fun!

Spite can actually be a really good motivator. seriously, it can make you so productive… just don’t let it make you insufferable.

Ignore 1-star and 5-star reviews of books, hotels and products. The 3-star reviews will answer all your actual questions.

Learn keyboard shortcuts. If you don’t know what CTRL + Z does, your life is definitely harder than it has to be.

If it ever comes down to other people liking you and you liking yourself, always pick yourself. ALWAYS… Being able to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day it highly underrated.

Verbal, emotional, mental and financial abuse are STILL ABUSE… And you don’t have to put up with that shit.

If you are ever about to bitch someone out, take a breath and count to 100 before doing it. It will give you time to either calm down and walk away OR think of really good insults.

Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough… “Demons run when a good man goes to war.”

Things that you should try to never start a sentence with: “no offense,” “not to be rude,” “well actually.”

Splurge on cute underwear, good booze, and fancy food every once in a while. it’s totally worth it.

Every occasion can be a dress up, champagne, and fancy china occasion if you believe in yourself.

People who are nice to you but mean to waiters, retail workers, animals, or their mothers are not actually nice people.

It is just as important to be aware of and acknowledge what you don’t know as it is to be aware of and acknowledge what you do know.

If you unironically use the term “friendzone” you deserve to get punched in the face and/or kicked on the ass… Idgasf what the context or situation is, you absolutely deserve it!

Every good relationship should be mutually beneficial and must have mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort… If it doesn’t have one of these, it’s not a good relationship.

There’s gonna come a point in time in your life when you are going to start to feel icky if you go too long with out eating a fruit and/or vegetable… It’s gonna be around the same general time when you should start taking a daily multivitamin.

Your sexuality is what you say it is. Period. And it’s ok if you don’t know exactly what that is right now or if it changes at any time in the future. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise, they can get bent.

You are not required to disclose any kind of personal information about yourself and no one is entitled to that information in order for you and your opinion to be respected… However, if you are going to argue a point or hold yourself out as a representative of a certain minority/class/demographic, there is probably going to come a point in time where you need to back up your arguments with the necessary information. Just be prepared to put your money where your mouth is.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’m pretty sure you’re still being a dick… Don’t take advantage of peoples’ faith or trust in you. It’s a dick move, just don’t do it.

The same goes for not cheating on your significant others or betraying your friends… Seriously it is SO EASY to not treat people like shit. It takes slim to no effort.

Be aware that when you make blanket statements about groups of people, there are really no such things as exclusionary or exception clauses… Like, you can’t tell someone in that group “but i’m not talking about YOU” because you are. You are talking about them. That’s just, quite literally, how making generalizations works.

STAY IN YOUR LANE! When you have to get over be polite and USE YOUR GODDAMN BLINKER... This applies to sooo many things in life besides just driving.