#really tough match but i think our mentality has never been stronger than now

[livelaughlovepedri]

lyon in the final oi this is personal to me

[heliosthegriffin]

The Adventures of Shota Jaune, Ep II

Chapter Two

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Two Months have passed.

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The last couple of months had been absolutely wild for Vernal.

First, the woman she respected the most and thought was the strongest in the world was beaten by three children... and Vernal, after it turned out Raven was a complete psycho bitch. In a moment of sheer panic she had just swore allegiance to the strongest thing in the vicinity. The little aura monster that had knocked her old boss's teeth out.

Jaune Arc aka The Boss

It had been a whirlwind of a week, getting her own room with new clothes and an actual bed, people who seemed to care about her, three meals a day and a completely stocked kitchen and someone to follow that wasn’t a complete psycho.

That was the good stuff, that was what kept her going. That and if she wanted to be the world's strongest Huntress it was probably a good idea to train under a actual huntsman, and who was training the human equivalent of a Fire Dust Bomb. While Vernal didn’t consider herself Branwen anymore, the ideals didn’t fade.

‘Nature has only one rule; The Strong owns the Weak.’ Her old mentor’s words came to her again.

Vernal scowled. ‘So much for being the strongest huntress there is.’

Her time at the Arc House had really opened her eyes toward how big the world actually is. 

Raven was strong, really strong. She was a former Huntress and Beacon Alumni, she was fast, strong, high aura levels and control, along with a versatile semblance that made long distance travel her bitch. All of that, to top of all that, to just further put herself outside of the realms of warriors and huntress and huntsman she had Maiden Powers, fucking magic.

But, she lost, not just, because there's always either a hard counter, or a bigger fish, that wasn’t the only reason. Despite her power, despite her being the most notorious criminal in Mistral, despite her experience, she lost...

Because... because...’ Vernal thought. ‘She’s a coward.’

Vernal had seen her kill before, huntsman, brave civilian, or Grimm, or even other tribes. But, never from anything other than a position of power, she always waited till there was a moment of weakness to strike, less warrior more assassin, and if things got too tough she’d whip out her Maiden Powers.

More often than not, when more than one hunter came after them, Raven would have them move out. Saying, “They're too weak for us to bother with.” Now, Vernal was sure it was just her cowardice… Like her inability to stick around with her real family.

Why she took Vernal in to begin with. 

‘Because, she’s a coward… I’m just a replacement, so she doesn’t have to think about…’

The time with the Arcs had definitely taught her that there was more to strength than fighting ability, and Raven was lacking in conviction, the thing Mr. Arc and The Boss had spades.

The Boss was way stronger than anyone she’d ever met, in terms of Aura and physical strength, yet his sisters, mother, those two lackeys of his, and his own father weren’t the least bit afraid of him.

They had conviction, that they knew their family.

Darkness be damned, those two lackeys could even put up a decent fight with him.

The oldest Arc child, Gris could even match her little brother in raw strength for a little while and even hold him down, even if he got up right afterwards. 

Then there was Mr. Arc, if his son was a dust bomb, an all direction and all consuming blast of destruction, then he was a high powered, high precision plasma beam. Not as powerful, sure, but no less dangerous or devastating when used correctly.

Mr. Arc was still teaching his son and his two lackeys… and Vernal even. His skill, aura manipulation, and physical conditioning was insane. Sure, he didn’t have even a tenth of her Boss’s reserves, but he had more than twice Ravens, and he had the skills to manipulate it like it was just another limb of his body.

He could probably beat Raven if he wanted to, and didn’t lack the courage to stand his ground.

Actually, Vernal was entirely sure he could, considering he was fighting her little monster of a Boss right now, and controlling the fight handily.

Mr. Arc practically danced around his son, as the boy tried to land a hit on him, swinging wildly and kicking up small windstorms as he did so. The boy got nowhere close to landing a hit on his father, as the man anticipated blow after blow, stepping out of his son’s range and enduring the shock-waves his son released with practiced ease.

He stepped into his son’s range and stuck his leg out between his son’s moving feet, tripping him, then shield bashing him in the back and sending him flying into the ground. The Boss bounced off the ground, leaving an indent where he hit it, and landed on his back.

The Boss got back up, his face red, and smashed his practice sword into the ground, breaking the ground where it landed, sending boulder sized clumps of earth into the air, Arthur Arc deflected and evaded the earth as it flew at him. Redirecting the earthen shrapnel back at his son with small controlled bursts of Aura Deflection.

The stones and dirt clumps being flung back at the speed of bullets and pelting The Boss, making a show of light when they hit his aura, the light bursting from his aura and creating ripples on top of it.

Mr. Arc was fast too, he moved from one position to the next like he was teleporting, Vernal couldn’t track his movements, his sword striking precisely into The Boss’s chest faster than Vernal could see, Vernal only being able to track his movement based on how The Boss was being knocked backed and where his Aura was flashing, and then with one last lightning quick slash The Boss was knocked onto his back, Arthur stomping his foot onto The Boss’s chest, putting his blade on the boys neck.

“Another victory for me, son,” Arthur said, smirking. “If you had less aura than you did, I could take your head off.”

Jaune pouted, struggling fiercely under his fathers boot, his own strength only barely lifting his father’s foot. Showing off the man’s immense strength as he barely budged, the strength of a real Hunter, and despite how much strength his son had, it didn’t matter if he couldn’t get any leverage to take advantage of it.

“I’ll beat you one day.” The Boss said, red faced and sweating.

“Yes, I’m sure you will.” Mr. Arc smiled. “But, first you got to land a hit on me.”

Vernal wasn’t sure if that was normal father-son conversation, but her definition of normal had long since been warped.

Arthur took his foot off his son and pulled him up. “Good for another spar, son?”

The blonde boy nodded, and then tried to pull his father into a headbutt, but Arthur didn’t budge and then flipped The Boss over his shoulder into the earth.

Vernal would watch late into the evening as the father-son sparred, taking notes mentally on what worked against The Boss for when she’d have to spar with her boss again. He may be her boss, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t give it her all in trying to surpass him, he deserved nothing less than a subordinate who was useful.

The Arcs told her she was priceless, but the only way Vernal knew that she had value was by proving it, and the only way she could was by fighting.

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Three Months later.

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Three Arcs step off of a bullhead, all immediately throwing up their lunches on the ground.

“The family curse, haaah, it strikes again.” Arthur said, being the first one to recover.

“That it does, that it does father.” A platinum blonde who was nearly as tall as her father said putting her hand on her father’s shoulder for support.

The father and daughter watched as Jaune continued to puke his guts out all over the ground, the curse was particularly bad on the youngest, and it truly was a curse, as neither aura manipulation, meditation, or medication helped in the slightest. It was as though the sky’s and heaven’s had a grudge against the Arcs.

Eventually though, they all recovered.

Arthur grabbed both children by the shoulder. “Alright, I trust you two to remember, why, I brought you two with me on a mission.”

The platinum blonde nodded. “You said, I needed more field experience, especially in foreign environments and learning in person was worth more per hour than a day in class could ever teach…. also I forgot father’s day and this is my way of making up for it.”

“That’s right, Gris.” Arthur said with a smug smile.

Gris looked at her only brother. “Why’s he here?” Pointing at the blonde boy next to her.

Arthur smiled nervously. “Because, if neither of us is home to watch him, we won’t have a home when we get back.”

Jaune was fast asleep on his feet, a small stream of drool leaking from his mouth, and loudly snoring.

Arthur pulled his son into his arms, holding him securely and tossing Gris the boy’s luggage.

Gris nodded. “That is a fair point, but why not take his groupies too?”

“Because, I already have enough to worry about with Jaune, who is more than likely going to put someone else in our family by force before we head home, and those two are enough trouble by themselves and I don’t want them picking fights or causing trouble on a mission. Your mom, with her semblance, can handle them no problem, even less so with Vernal.”

“Fair enough, let's get going… What’s it called again?” Gris said with a tilt of the head.

Arthur hummed. “I think it’s called Kuroyuri, apparently rumors of an abnormal grimm have appeared. Something more than the local Hunter can handle.”

===

It had taken a couple hours of walking, through exotic forests and mountainous trails, but the Arc trio managed to make it to Kuroyuri a little after lunch. The Arc boy still sound asleep during the trip, being swapped between his father and elder sister as the situation demand, even when being carried up sheer cliffs,  when they were fording through shallow rivers, or the many fights between the Grimm, Bandits, and Aura Animals on the way to Kuroyuri, nothing of which way enough to prompt his Aura sense that there was enough danger to wake him up.

The Father and Daughter duo were thoroughly famished, and immediately beelined it to the first restaurant they could see, ending up running over to have lunch at a local tea house, Kazehana or something to that effect, The Arc duo were many things, linguist is not one of them.

The Arc’s sudden entrance to the Tea-house was quite sudden, the waitress quite shocked to see two hunters and a sleeping child look at her with a terrifying hungry expression. Needless to say they were quickly seated and served.

 Arthur and Gris finished their meal, several plates of local noodles, boar meat, and some local plants, letting out a satisfied groan of fullness, looking up while stretching and Arthur making eye contact with one Li Ren, the local hunter who requested a seasoned Huntsman investigate the rumors of an abnormal grimm.

There was a moment of eye contact, Arthur’s mind slowly grinding out the details, before realization sets in. His eyes widen and waves the man over with highly animated gestures, pointing down at an empty seat on the floor.

Li Ren stoically processed the actions before calmly making his way over to the table, taking the empty seat. In a matter of moments they were sitting, discussing the details of the contracts, over a cup of steaming tea, while Gris watched and observed, noting important details her father might miss and studying how her father negotiated and asked questions, weaning information out.

“So how long ago was this Grimm sighted?”

“Two or three months ago, It was sighted in the aftermath of a fallen village to the southeast with a horde of Grimm making its way out of the ruins.”

“Hmm, any possible thoughts on it’s species or is it a aberrant?”

“I have talked with those who have observed it from closer, they have described it as being around fifteen meters tall, with a equine bottom half, resembling a fully formed Uma Sama and Elder Imp like grimm’s torso growing from it’s mid back, the sight being quite… disturbing, it seems quite old having many battle scars and weapons stuck inside of it…. I do not know of any species it might belong too, but its too familiar to be a aberrant, Sir Huntsman.”

Arthur frowned, wrinkles creasing his forehead. “This is quite concerning, have you reported this to Haven?”

Li Ren scowled. “We of Kuroyuri, founded it in an attempt to escape Mistrals… less than savory nature, this did not make many friends or allies when we left, any attempts to have contacted Haven have been met with silence.”

“I’ll contact Beacon when I return, this behavior is unethical and unbecoming of a Huntsman institution.” Arthur said, his facing taking on a dark and stormy expression.

The talks between the two men then fade into the background as two children walk into the establishment, an orange hair girl and a black haired boy walk in, only to see their father talking with a blonde headed man, the orange hair girl sighs then spotting a sleeping blonde next to him her father and zips over to him and starts poking his cheek.

Ren sighs and goes to try and stop her from causing trouble, only for the blonde boy to casually wake up and slap her across the room and outside into the street.

The room goes silent in shock, as Jaune rises up yawning, Ren just stands there horrified, Arthur, Gris and Li all looking shocked for different reasons.

‘Did he do it? Did my son just kill a girl by accident?’

‘If he killed that girl, that means we’re probably going to have to waive the fee, and it’ll probably go on Jaune’s record,’

‘Damn-it Nora, how many times do I have to tell you to keep your hands to yourself!?’

Ren though, while horrified, was also quite awed. Nora was the strongest kid in town, he had never even seen her winded outside of training with dad, and she hit him hard enough to break his aura in just two to three hits, and it took him dozens of hits to just bring her down.

This blonde boy just socked her out of the room!

Nora laid on her back, a manic smile on her face. A tingly numb feeling all across her body, with some kind of scratchy feeling beneath the numbness. Awesome. Her aura never felt so low before, outside of Papa Ren fighting her in training. Nora’s aura felt like it was more than half gone!

Nora's smile didn’t fade as she contemplated the sheer strength behind, it didn’t just knock her around, it sent her flying! How far could he make her fly? 

“Jaune,” Arthur said to his son. “Please go make sure she’s alive?”

Jaune yawns, and rubs his eyes. “Who? Did I hit someone?”

“Yes.”

He nods “Ok.” Then he walks to the person with a damaged aura signature outside.

Nora looks at the boy in awe, as he looks down at her. He knees down and puts a hand on her cheek where he hit her. “Pain pain, go away.” Then a surge of light overtakes Nora, and her aura is completely restored and then some.

“Who are you!” Nora says, grabbing Jaune by the shoulders and putting her faces really close to his making intense eye contact.

“I’m Jaune.” The boy says pushing her away, her breath smelled like syrup, and it was making him hungry.

“I’m Nora and this is my brother Ren!” She said dragging the boy over to her brother who still was processing the fact that his sister had just got slapped out of a building.

Jaune thought they didn’t look anything alike, but then thought about his new adopted sisters. Realizing that Nora must have adopted Ren, he nodded.

“Oh cool, he’s like my sisters.”

Nora nodded. “Yeahs my brother, but not my brother-brother, but we’re blood-brother and sister, because we cut our hands and shook hands!”

Jaune’s eyes widen, and made note of what to do when he got home. He had to make sure his sister were has much of his sisters as possible.

“You’re really strong! Want to be friends? Wait, wait, I have a better idea, you want to be me and Ren’s new blood brother?”

“Sure!” Jaune didn’t really have any friends outside his family, he looked at Ren. “Can we be friends too? I mean blood-brother?” 

Who needs friends when you have family!

Ren looked at his feet nervously, the idea of cutting his hand again didn’t appeal to him, but nodded anyway. Nora hugged them both. “That’s his way of saying, yes!”

The three adults looked at the children in amusement, Li and Arthur sharing a knowing look.

“Feel welcome to stay in my home for the duration of your contract.”

“That would be great.”

Gris couldn’t stop smiling at her little brother and his new friends. “They're so cute!” Taking out her scroll and snatching several photos as Jaune and Nora, plus Ren got to know each other.

Only for the adults to scream once Nora brought out the knife and tried to cut their hands.

------

After the knife incident, and Nora finding out she couldn’t open Jaune’s hand no matter how hard she tried, they finally managed to settle down.

An Ren immediately took a shine to her children’s new friend and easily welcomed the Arcs into her home. Despite the fact the two other Arcs and her husband were scarcely in the house as they went out looking for the abnormal Grimm. Taking the time to spoil Jaune and her children, eventually managing to slip them all into matching Yukuta before letting them slip out to play for the afternoon.

Arthur and Li took several days to locate the Grimm, traveling around Kuroyuri looking for tracks and trails to indicate where it was, Gris traveling on the further outskirts acting as a scout.

During that time Jaune had spent all his time playing with Nora and Ren, investigating all over town, now that they’re dads were gone they were going to explore a mountain near the town.

“Be careful in the mountains. Also don’t stray too far into the forest or the lord of the mountain will eat you!” The old man said as Jaune walked into the forest, Nora and Ren followed him.

Ren and Nora followed behind Jaune, grabbing his long kimono sleeves. The kimono was something his eldest sister and Mrs. Ren and the Village girls managed to force on him in his sleep last night.

“What’s the lord of the mountain?” Jaune said, swinging his practice sword in front of him crushing through the brush and tearing up anything in front of him, but also creating a cool breeze behind him that Nora and Ren took advantage of.

Nora laughed. “It’s just a stupid folktale, beside I heard there’s really tasty peaches out in the forest.”

Ren sighed, tugging on Jaune’s sleeves. “Actually it’s a tale about a dangerous animal that lived on the Mountain centuries ago, long ago a there a enormous wild boar that lived on the mountain, the king of a nearby city wanted  to take the mountain, but no matter how many solider he sent none ever came back, so the king himself went, and came back wounded, he declared no man may ever rule over the mountain, as it had its own Lord. The Lord of the Mountain.

An electric look went through Jaune’s eyes, “Awesome, do you think we can find it?”

Ren looked nervous though. ‘This isn’t going to end well…’

A couple hours passed, as the trio totally wandered around the mountain before somehow ending up at the top of the mountain, which instead of peak it hosted a large depression that sunk several dozen feet into the width of the mountains top, home to only wild grass, boulders, some bushes, a large grove of peach trees. 

Nora elbows Jaune, smirking. “See I told you there were peaches at the top.”

Jaune snorts. “Yeah, but you haven’t proven that they were tasty yet!”

Nora frowns. “Fine, I’ll race you over there, and I’ll show you how tasty they are!”

“Fine!” Jaune said as he sprinted towards the peach trees, with Nora hot on his trail.

Ren however, felt quite nervous, as something was making his Aura sense crawl. This place was weird to him. He walked around, trying to find the source of the weirdness here.

He wadded through the waist high grass, noting the grass that had some large passage through it that neither Jaune or Nora caused. Nature trails all over the top.

Then he found it as he walked over to the grove. 

Skulls and bones, all over the ground, shattered into pieces and fragments, and the roots were all over them. The tree had been eating the bones.

Ren felt his blood turn cold, as he noticed the rusted and shattered weapons all over the top now that he looked closely.

He quickly looked around for Jaune and Nora, seeing them eating peaches from the tree in the center. Despite how happy they were, they had to leave now.

Calmly as he could, somehow managing to make himself feel numb, the world taking on a slightly muted color, he walked over only to feel the ground shake behind him. Dust and dirt falling behind him, and the warm breath of air on his neck, on the high mountain top. His calm disappeared.

“Jaune! Nora! This is the Lord of the Mountain’s lair!”

A scream from behind him, pulled Jaune and Nora out from their fun to see Ren on the ground before a huge boar.

Jaune and Nora stood in awe of it for a moment, before Nora realized the danger and ran to protect Ren, Jaune close behind her.

However, he couldn’t help but be awestruck by the big piggy behind Ren that was absolutely leaking aura, it almost had as much as his dad did!

It was also so cool looking! It’s fur was black and thick and hairy! Like it was made of black iron. With one blood red eye and one milky one with a scar going over it. It had a bunch of scar actually, over its sides and on its neck. Jaune bet it fought a bunch of strong guys and piggies too. And it’s tusks were ginormous! Like instead of growing tusks it grew two clay-mores instead!

Jaune put his hand under his chin. Could he tame it? Only for him to scowl as the foul smell of the boar fell over to him. ‘It needs a bath. Otherwise, mom won’t let me keep him.’

“SQUUUUUEEEELLL!!!” The Lord of the Mountain bellowed at the three children who invaded it’s lair as it stomped the ground and got ready to charge. 

Only for it to take notice of Jaune, it’s eyes further narrowed in rage, it was the one who had been stinking up it’s mountain with his aura, now dared come into its home! The Lord of the mountain bellowed out of rage and challenged the boy in front of it, then charged forward intent on brutalizing the boy who dared leaked it’s smelly aura all over his mountain. The one who dared to wake him with his offensive smell. It’s beady eye then saw the discarded peach pits on the ground.

It snorted in pure wrath, they dared to eat it’s sacred peach! The one’s that granted The Lord his longevity?! He would grind their bones into dust for his grove and rend their flesh off their muscle and have the rain’s dance with their blood!

The pitch black boar’s singular working eye glowed with a diabolical spirit, as then blood-crimson lightning sparked over it’s black fur, as it galloped it legs forward in blinding speed, going ahead like a black missile, barreling at the seven year old with all the force of a runaway train. Jaune in a split second decision grabbed Ren and Nora, tossing them into some nearby bushes as he was hit hard enough to be sent flying away, the impact turning making the sky around them shake, the light exploding around them nearly blinding them as Jaune disappeared.

Nora and Lie Ren watch in horror, shivering silently as the boy they just befriended, their new brother flew into the mountainside impacting it with a blood-chilling crunch. The pair’s eyes went wide as they went into shock.

The rock-face shook, and the pig squealed in triumph as Jaune seemed to have been defeated.

“That was mean mister piggy, I don’t like mean people.” Jaune walked out from the dust and shattered rocks falling around him surrounding his impact sight, the rocks bouncing off his aura, and looking no worse for wear, if anything he looked incredibly angry.

His golden aura burned around him causing his clothes to float on etheric currents. The boar snorted at him and bellowed again, unimpressed, in it’s long, long life, it had defeated many opponents, from aura users, to soldiers and bandits, to warriors and huntsmen, and even centuries ago the king of this valley and his army, what was one child to his many fallen foes?

The Lord of the Mountain snorted again, summoning it’s lightning to coat him, and then shot it at the insolent child.

Jaune saw it all though, the sneer in the animals eyes, and the hostility riding it’s aura, and the deathly intent in the creature's semblance. It was all too easy to read it and step aside from where the red lightning hit next to him.

With a flourish Jaune then unsheathes his training sword holding it defensively, ready to fight the old boar.

The Lord of Mountain’s tusks glimmered menacingly in the evening light.

Nora and Ren held their breaths hoping not to give away their positions.

Clank! Klink! Crack!

The boar charged into Jaune, with Jaune blocking the beast with the flat of his sword, being pushed back several feet. The boar lashing out with it hooves that almost knocked Jaune flat before deflecting the blow, it’s tusks swiping at him only to be ducked under, and finally it tried to bite him in half, only for Jaune to hit’s teeth with his sword in a silver flash.

Bzzzzt!

The boar’s fur began to stick up on end as currents of electricity gathered across its body, collecting between its tusks briefly, then exploded in a blast of lightning at Jaune.

Jaune’s eyes went wide as a column wide blast of lightning was shot at him knocking him onto his back spasming, mere feet from Nora and Ren.

The boar saw an opening and charged at him coated in auric lightning power, Nora saw it all in slow-motion, Ren’s heart seized with fear and tried to stop Nora, but she moved faster than she ever moved before grabbed Jaune to pull him out of the way, the boar only grazing him, but still blasting bolts of electricity as it brushed them, a wayward zap hit Nora, knocking her onto her back, Ren quickly running to her side as his sister was laid out on the ground smoke drifting off of her.

The boar gave a evil look at the children as it turn around and charged at them, only for the boar to be punched in the nose before it could run them over. The huge animal reeling back, as it was knocked back, Jaune then rose up, smoke rising off of him, then he jumped up and socked it. Anger in his eyes, as he grabbed the blade of his sword and hit the boar in it’s head with the hilt, sending it rolling across the ground and into the trees, destroying several in the process, Jaune then chasing fast behind it.

As the Lord of the Mountain and Jaune continued to fight, Ren was trying his best to tend to Nora, only he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her as she kept laughing. “It tickles Ren! It Tickles!” Then jumping up onto her feet, grabbing the largest branch see could find then running at Jaune and the Lord of the Mountain.

The Lord of the Mountain and Jaune had fought from the forest line back into it’s den, leaving a trail of destruction and broken rocks behind them, the boar discharging lightning at him and Jaune summoning orbs of Aura to take the blows instead of him, several bright aura orbs orbiting around him at high speeds.

Lightning collects on the boar again, making the boar too bright to look at, wayward bolt striking everywhere blasting Nora back again, as it disappears behind a veil of electricity, then faster than the children’s eyes could follow, the boar flashes out towards Jaune in a series of brutal hits, only for him to deflect every blow in a shining silver strikes, with is Aura taking the blows he couldn’t deflect. 

Then in a matter of moments the fighters became invisible, until an ear-splitting shriek cut the air in two, as a shock-wave cut the air in two, razor sharp winds shearing across the air, cutting all the around in a twenty foot circle in half.

The Lord of the Mountain was breathing heavily, blood-seeping from it’s mouth and nose, mighty as it was, boar weren’t built for this kind of fighting, while Jaune staggered around erratically as electricity stilled flashed over him, his hair standing on end and smoke waffering off of him. Jaune with as much aura as he has, was just as vulnerable to electricity as any aura-user, especially to one such as the Lord of the Mountain, who had honed it’s semblance in many battles, he could heal yes, but the effects on the body were noticeable and quite damaging.

The fighters met eyes with each other, a brief contact, but one that conveyed the tangible amount of respect they had for another.

The Lord of the Mountain scraped the ground with it’s hooves, gathering more of it’s semblance than it had ever before, collecting the red power into its prized tusks, turning them into glowing red and white sabers of energy that zapped with lightning around them.

Jaune held his sword with both hands in low stance, his sword’s tip pointing at the ground behind him, four aura orbs floating around him then one after the other they circled around the blade faster and smaller, till the blade was obscure in white and gold colors.

The two fighters charged, they met, they clashed.

All was still, all was silent, they froze meeting like a still frame image, the small blonde boy wielding an equally small sword meeting a building sized boar in a charge, clashing together, it would look comical if not for the serious look on boys face and the obvious power being thrown around, and the wrecked environment around them.

The clash held for a scarce moment, then the world caught up, as light overtook the senses, followed by an all encompassing boom that echoed across the providence like thunder, that nearly deafened Ren and Nora. Finally was the bone-cracking snap, as the victor was decided.

For a brief moment Jaune and The Lord of the Mountain became visible, the sword biting into the fangs, the rotating sheath of aura diverting the condensed semblance back into lightning bolts around Jaune digging a foot deep furrow for tens of yards behind him. Then,

KA-CRACK!

As the Lord of the Mountain’s tusks were broken in two. The two ivory natural weapons spun in the air and then stabbed into the earth, still crackling with its power, and blood leaking at the base of the shattered ivory.

The Lord of the Mountain thrashed about wildly as it’s mind was overloaded with pain and phantom sensations.

Jaune frowned sadly at it. His dad’s voice then echoed in his head. ‘Never disrespect your opponent with mercy if they come to kill you, give them the warrior’s end. Its the end they deserve.’

Ren and Nora could only watch in awe as Jaune then ran at the Lord of the Mountain, stopping it’s wildly flailing with a running sideswipe at it’s head, knocking it onto its side. Quickly he grabbed a broken tusk holding it firmly, holding the beast still he aligned his blunt sword with it’s eye with a lightning quick motion he plunged his sword, followed by his entire arm, and then part of his shoulder deep into through its eye into it’s head. Completely obliterating it’s brain, and the top of its spine.

In an instant, he broke its aura, cutting’s life away in one ending move.

The beast shutters weakly in pain, once, twice, and then never again.

Jaune frowns as he puts his foot against the head and kicks off, pulling his arm out in a spray of gore, showering the forest floor in red, pink and grey. He then swipes his sword through the air, in an attempt to remove the boar viscera off the blunt sword.

Nora and Ren looked on at Jaune, unable to take their eyes off of him. HIs movements were like nothing they had ever seen, powerful, without mercy, terrifying, and awe-inspiring. They fell to their knees without hesitation, bowing before the great one before them.

“Teach me, oh great one!” Nora said, suddenly latching onto Jaune’s leg. “Show me the way, so that I might break enemies! Those that would be unworthy of you!”

Ren hugged Jaune’s waist. “Show me the ways to manhood, Great Master!” Looked up at him. “Allow this one to have the power to serve you, and protect those I care for.”

With a casual pat to their heads. “Sure, you’re my brother and sister, right?” He said, with a bright smile and face dripping with blood.

Ren and Nora could only hug tighter in excitement, this would be the beginning of a long, long, and deep bond.

--------

It had taken most of a day to get to the creature’s lair, but it was well worth it.

Arthur had Gris play interception, leaving her to fight any Grimm that tried to attack Arthur and Li as they fought the Nuckaleeve as they found it was called.

Gris watched in amazement, as she finished the last of the fodder grimm, cutting a deathstalker in half with her zweihander, as her father and Mr. Li Ren fought the Nuckaleeve.

While Li Ren did not have much power behind strikes, he could shoot dozens of arrows near instantly, laced with some type of dust or another, and could easily dodge the blows that the Nuckaleeve tried to hit him with.

Her father just kept proving why he was the patriarch of the house, as he matched the monster blow for blow, overpowering it and laying it back as Li Ren froze, burned, and electrocuted it’s limb.

Till Arthur finally knocked it to the ground and sawed off the horse like head off the abomination as Li sniped the head off the top of the thing they called a Nuckaleeve.

Arthur stretched as he popped his body. “What a work out, haven’t fought something that strong in years, even if it was a little disappointing.”

“A little much for me,” Li said, taking a seat. “I would prefer it if I never had to see something like this ever again.”

Arthur shrugs. “To each their own,” He then smiles at the man. “How does it feel to longer have that monster hanging over your head?”

Li gave a wide smile. “Like a boulder has been lifted from my shoulders, ah, it feels like I just regained ten years of my life back. My Ren and Nora, will now be able to grow up in relative peace, hopefully.”

Arthur gave him a pat on the back, nearly knocking the man onto his face. “They will grow up in peace, if you ever have any other trouble, do not hesitate to call the Arcs.”

Li’s eyes started to water, but he quickly rubbed them away. “Then, I suppose there is one thing I have concerns about, in your time here in Kuroyuri, have you heard of the Lord of the Mountain?”

--------

Arthur couldn’t be prouder of his son if he tried as he lugged a two story tall boar through the town square whilst that little girl Nora shouted out a story that would probably fit right in with a Mistralwood movie, the boy Ren giving out details to smooth the story along.

“The Lord is dead, the Lord of the Mountain has died!” An old man shouted.

“It was real?”

“I thought for sure, that the old man was full of shit!”

“I’m not that old! I'm forty five, I just smoke a lot!”

“You should really quit, it’s bad for your health.”

“If I wanted your opinion I’d bloody well ask for it! Anyway the Lord of the Mountain is dead!”

Arthur gave his new friend a sly look. “So, about that problem… I don’t think you need to worry about it.”

Li grabbed his head and shook his head from side to side, a tears of happiness running down his face. “I suppose I do not.”

He rubbed his face dry, then grabbed Arthur by shoulder. “Tonight we party! Kuroyuri is safe again, and these are our champions! Tell the mayor we are celebrating tonight!”

Cheers erupted around the plaza.

--------

The party lasted for several days, as the news made its way around the neighboring villages who went to join and congratulate the Arc’s and the Ren Family.

Positivity at an all time high, fun was had, merriment too, but all good things come to an end.

A Bullhead sat on the outskirts of the village, which was being loaded up with gifts, and some of the remains of the Lord of the Mountain.

Nora and Ren clung fiercely to Jaune, tears running freely down the trios face.

“I don’t want you to leave!” Nora dug onto him tightly

“You’re our brother, don't leave us!” Ren buried his head into the blonde boys shoulder.

Jaune was silent, despite his teary eyes, then he flicked them both on the head. “Quiet! You’re my brother and sister, aren't you going to be strong?”

The two shut up filled with shame.

“This isn’t me leaving, this is me going somewhere else, I’m going to be back and stronger than ever, so don’t think I won’t be back! I would never abandon by brother or sister, so don’t insult me by saying I would leave you forever. So, promise me you two will get stronger, so when I come back we can go on more adventures, promise me!” Jaune looked at them firmly, his eyes still red and puffy.

Nora dried her eyes, and Ren blinked away the tears.

“Yeah! I’m going to get stronger than ever, if you don’t come back I’ll break your legs and bring you back!”

“I’m going to be a real man, Jaune! I’ll show you how strong I can be, so you better come back, or we’ll track you down and bring you back with us for good.”

Jaune looked strong for a moment, then broke down in tears again and hugged them tightly. “I’ll miss you guys.”

Gris looked at them through her scroll, recording the whole thing.

“Couldn’t we, you know, take them with us? We already got the other three groupies, what are two more?”

Arthur swatted her head, “I’m a serial adopter, not serial kidnapper. Anyway, I like Li enough, but not enough to steal his kids, so no, I’m not taking his kids.”

Li gave him a narrowed eye glance. “I’d prefer to keep my children,”

An Ren then carefully puts away a kitchen knife. “I’d cut a bitch, if you tried.” An Ren then smiles. “Anyway, the Arcs are always welcome in our home, you three better come back soon with the rest of your family.”

Arthur gulps, but nods. “Yeah, the misses wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t take her here. So, will come once I get the children settled.”

Gris smiles. “We’ll be back for the junior Mistral Regional Tournament, Dad wants to put Jaune in it. Thinks it’ll be funny.”

Arthur looks off into the distance. “Damn right it will.”

It took some effort, but they separated the children, and loaded up the Bullhead flying home.

------

The three Arc got off the Bullhead onto the Arc Estate, then promptly emptied their stomachs.

The curse striking hard, the one thing the Arc will never defeat.

Airsickness.

[krinsbez]

The Heroes, Season Two: The Most Deadly Game

@skjam​, @jcogginsa​, @maxwell-grant​, @anyone else interested...

-The Era: The ‘30s.

-The Location: A jungle island in the Caribbean (I think?)

-The Heroes: Pat Savage; Jane Porter Clayton, Lady Greystoke; Laurence “Larry” Talbot

-The Villains: General Zaroff; The Wolf Man

-The Concept...

Original suggestion by @jcogginsa​...

- General Zaroff, the antagonist of ‘The Most Dangerous  Game’ sinks a cruise ship, which he believes Doc Savage is aboard,  believing that Savage will survive and make it to Zaroff’s island, where  he can hunt him for sport. Unfortunately, he’s misinformed, because the  Savage aboard the ship is actually Patricia Savage, not Clark. She,  along with other pulp heroes who were aboard, then have to deal with  Zaroff. Possibly with the Wolfman and Tarzan involved

Comment by @skjam​:

“Most Dangerous  Game” with Pat Savage?  If you want to make things really tough for  Zaroff, team her up with Jane Clayton, Lady Greystoke.  By the third  Tarzan book, Jane’s the second-best person in the world at jungle  survival.  (She drops back to third once their son reaches his teens.)

Comment by @krinsbez​:

-On Most Dangerous Game: I love the concept, but I can’t buy Gen. Zaroff by himself as being a legitimate threat when Tarzan is involved? (as far as I’m concerned. kidnapping Jane is a form of suicide)

Comment by @jcogginsa​:

Re: Most Dangerous Game, Perhaps Jane was travelling separately from Tarzan for plot related reasons. Alternatively, while Jane manages to escape the Ship due to the place she happened to be in, Tarzan was trapped aboard it. So while She and Pat are dealing with Zaroff and whoever he’s got with him, Tarzan to going through The Poseidon adventure 

Comment by @maxwell-grant​:

Re: Most Dangerous Game. I think Tarzan’s inclusion can actually be a good way to set the pace of the story. He’s not gonna be in the actual roster of characters trapped in Zaroff’s game, because the minute Tarzan meets Zaroff, it’s game over. Instead of making Tarzan a supporting player or main character, we make him to Zaroff what the Crocodile is to Captain Hook.

Maybe Zaroff is either using Jane specifically because he set his sights on the man who most embodies “the most dangerous game” and suicidally thinks he’s a match for Tarzan, or he wants to get rid of Jane as soon as possible because he knows Greystoke is WAY out of his league, and he figures he has to kill her and kill her NOW before Tarzan gets there (he may even consider letting her leave, but then reason that she would eventually tell Tarzan and he’d come after him anyway). His desperation grows as his attempts grow bolder, putting more danger on the characters but also painting a bigger target on his own back as the odds of him being spared a gruesome demise diminish by the second.

Putting somewhat of a role reversal where not only our characters have to deal with being hunted, but our villain hunting them is also dealing with being hunted himself, and he’s either scared shitless or unreasonably excited over it. Maybe both. Having Zaroff as a co-protagonist of sorts I think could be a way to shake up the structure compared to the last season, since he’s very different from Count Satan and a far more dynamic, engaging character. For our heroes, the time is ticking until Zaroff finds them. And for Zaroff, the time is ticking until Tarzan finds him. Will our heroes defeat Zaroff and escape? Will Zaroff kill one or more of them before Tarzan arrives? Will Tarzan arrive in time?

Another note: Zaroff’s casting. I don’t really have too strong of an idea but one that comes to mind is Jemaine Clement, based on his performances as Boris the Animal and particularly Vladislav (genuinely one of my favorite on-screen Draculas). Someone who can play a decadent, aristocratic villain who can be both reasonably intimidating but also humorous and likeable enough for us to even sort of root for him, even as he’s being a dastardly ghoul.

His comedy chops in particular make me think he could do a great job at depicting the gradual mental breakdown of Zaroff as his ego unravels and all his plans fail and he grows all the more desperate to kill the girl and her stupid friends NOW before that damn dirty ape man gets here and ruins everything oh god he’s gonna be here any minute NO, WHAT NONSENSE, I AM THE GRREAT COUNT ZAROFF, I SHOULD BE RRR-RELISHING THE ODDS OF FACING THE GRRREATEST OF BEASTS, BUT OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE WHY WON’T SHE DIE-

Comment by @jcogginsa​:

I definitely think Zaroff would be excited, though I could also see the mixture being a good idea.

One thing I worry about regarding Tarzan’s presence as a looming threat for Zaroff is that it might do a disservice to the leads to have the villain constantly fearing the arrival of a different character. However, I gives me an idea.

Basically, at some point within the season, Zaroff begins receiving updates from his servants, regarding the approach of Tarzan, eventually getting to the point where Tarzan is actively on the island, and Zaroff has to move quickly so as to simultaneously hunt the girls while avoiding him.

Then in the Climax, the truth comes out: Tarzan was never there. He hasn’t even received word of the boat’s sinking yet, so he doesn’t even know Jane is in danger. The updates on his approach were orchestrated by the girls, as a form of psychological warfare to throw Zaroff off his game.

Comment by @maxwell-grant​:

@jcogginsa​ Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I see no reason to do anything different.

It allows both for Zaroff’s fears and desperation to keep stewing until a boiling point and for him to grow into the co-protagonist role but also doesn’t downplay the worth of our protagonists. I imagined early on that Tarzan would have little to no role in the proceedings and the downfall of Zaroff (and whatever other villain we may team him with) would be brought entirely by the girls under his nose, but to have Tarzan not even be on his way not only ups the tension for the girls, but it also makes their victory more impressive.

In regards to Zaroff being scared of Tarzan: I suggest it mostly because I think it leads to fun scenarios and also makes him a bit of an underdog even which better suits my idea of Zaroff as almost the co-protagonist, but I do think it can be grounded in stronger reasons. I imagine Zaroff wouldn’t be scared of Doc Savage, despite also being someone bordering on superhuman, because Doc isn’t exactly known for being a wild man of legend who is perfectly willing to inflict savage jungle brutality on those who cross him and his allies, Doc is known as a great adventurer, man of science and crimefighter. Zaroff, in his arrogance, would think of Doc as a great challenge, but one he could take. A city dweller spoiled by his riches and privilege. He would like to think of himself as able to overcome Doc, as he overcomes the jungle and all savage beings in it. “It appears Clark Jr wasn’t much of a Savage after all”, he says as he mounts a new head on his wall.

Of course Count Zaroff at first is going to be dissappointed that the Savage he was looking to hunt is not the great doctor, but merely his female cousin. And Zaroff isn’t going to be scared of Jane. Why, the Grreat Count Zaroff, being scared of, dare I say it, a WOMAN? TWO, EVEN? PRREPOSTEROUS.

But the Legendary Count Greystoke, Tarzan of the Apes, he who kills and skins lions with his bare hands, fears nothing and no one, who knows the jungle far better than Zaroff ever could and can rely on all it’s inhabitants for help, and is known for being fiercely protective of the woman he loves and has killed men for lesser offenses? Zaroff isn’t that suicidal, and of course the girls use the fact that they are underestimated to their advantage. Zaroff only thinks of the girls, and whoever else they are with, as targets, and Tarzan as the only threat he is terrified and excited for in equal measure, and that becomes his undoing.

Comment by @jcogginsa​:

I’m glad you like the idea Max. A further thought on the season: When I first pitched the idea, I recall throwing out the possibility of the Wolf Man, Lawrence Talbot, being present, and I’d like to expand on that.

The idea goes that Zaroff has let the Wolfman loose on his island, with the intent of passing him off as a beast terrorizing the local populace. The reason he does this is because he quite admires Doc Savage, and before he hunts the man, he’d like to hunt alongside him. Pat and Jane are initially a disappointment to him, as he figures that women aren’t really good enough to make for an entertaining hunt. However, when Pat and Jane hear about the ‘beast’, they insist on helping the hunt, since they’re good conscious won’t let them leave that be.

In the process of hunting the Wolfman and (seemingly) killing him, Zaroff becomes impressed enough with them that he decides they’re good prey after all. Jane and Pat eventually meet up with Lawrence, who tells him of Zaroff’s original plan of hunting Doc, and that’s when they put together the Tarzan fake out plan. They figure that if Zaroff’s goal was to hunt Doc, then he could have simply sent Pat to inform him of the ‘threat’ so as to lure him to the island, and that the only reason why he wouldn’t have done so would be because it would draw Tarzan to the island as well

And I think we’re caught up!

So, I like the idea of having poor Larry in the mix; it’s even possible he volunteered for the gig, because I’m pretty sure that at this point (while I don’t believe we have an official timeframe for the Universal Monsters films, they all take place in the late Nineteenth century, so Larry’s been The Wolf Man for decades) he’s pretty much given up on being cured, and is now trying to find a way to die that will actually stick (at this point he’s been “killed” with silver and then revived by magic or mad science so many times it doesn’t work anymore, it just keeps him down for a few years or less), and Zaroff has convinced him he can do that.

It very quickly becomes apparent Zaroff lied about that, and Larry is Not. Happy. I mean, even more so than usual. Also, Zaroff failed to mention there would be other people on the island who might become Wolf Man chow, or that said people would be female.

I also imagine that Zaroff underestimated how dangerous The Wolf Man is; he figured, OK it’s basically an oversized wolf, and I’ve killed loads of those, as long as I keep some silver rounds on hand, it’ll be fine. He’s a modern man, not prone to believing in peasant superstitions, and did not really comprehend how unnaturally vicious and hard to kill the thing is.

It also adds an extra element of danger, even if Tarzan does arrive, because his usual toolbox is not gonna help with The Wolf Man, and in fact is liable to get him turned into a werewolf himself, and the idea of Tarzan as a werewolf is too terrible to contemplate.

On the plus side, Pat’s pretty confident her cousin can cure him. She just has to convince Larry of that.

[am-imagines]

Legendary Pt. 3  Morgan!Reader

“O’Hara! Put me down!” You shriek when your best friend decides to carry you over her shoulder.

This is not the first time she does something like this, but a warning would have been deeply appreciated. You’re not that lucky, and Janice only laughs at your disgrace while carrying you all the way to breakfast.

You only have half a day of practice, and then you’re free to explore the city.

You’re excited not just because Australia has a ton of places to visit, but because your mom will be there too. Maybe hanging around their parents would have been embarrassing for most people, but when your mom is a living soccer legend, your biggest idol and the coolest mother ever? You’re glad to have her around as much as possible.

Besides, Kelley will be joining too because this is Australia; the paradise for any surfer.

You are almost vibrating with excitement during practice; much to Janice’s amusement. You’re an emotional player, and no, that doesn’t mean you cry all the time. What it means is that your game reflects your emotions, and most of the time, the team feeds from your energy. If you enjoy the game, so do they. If you’re angry, you play harder and they become a wall to back you up. When you act like a puppy; imaginary tail wagging behind you, they’re compelled to pat your head once practice is finally over.

A few minutes later, Janice and you meet with your parents, and no time is wasted before you jump into Alex’s arms. She laughs but holds you tight for an extra second.

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispers against your hair.

Moments like these make you remember that yes, Alex Morgan is your mother, and she looks at you with pure adoration. She doesn’t have to say those words for you to feel them, but doing so makes you smile a little wider.

Winning three world cups in a row is a giant accomplishment, unmatched by any other team, but when she’s asked about the most important victory of her life, you’re the first thing that comes to her mind.

Lifting the cup is something she won’t forget, or bending to accept a gold medal, but for her, nothing compares to the first time she held you.

“Thanks, mom.”

“What is this? Aren’t you going to hug your favorite aunt too?”

With a chuckle, you hug Kelley with just as much enthusiasm. She has been there since you can remember, and you wouldn’t be surprised to know she changed your diapers too.

The car ride to the beach is filled with hilarity while Kelley and Alex wonder what happened to Taylor Swift and what exactly you call music nowadays.

“You two are old,” Janice says offhandedly.

“Excuse me!?”

Alex’s outraged question makes you laugh until your belly hurts. One doesn’t call Alex Morgan old and gets away with it. Janice will pay for that once you make it to the beach, and the mere thought makes your mother smile.

Soon enough you arrive at your destination.

Being an L.A. girl has its perks, you decide with a surfboard under your arm.

Kelley taught you how to surf when you were just a kid. Living five minutes away from the beach meant you fell in love with the sea before you could even walk properly. Still, things are a little tougher here; higher waves that look unforgiving, and a permanent alert for sharks that you don’t know how seriously to take.

That’s why you stay close to Kelley; surfing waves that you can control and enjoying the afternoon with your family. There’s no need to risk an injury that could cost you the World Cup. There’s no way to know what will happen on the field; accidents happen, but not like this.

At the end, being careful pays off and you make it safely back to the shore.

Exhaustion takes over you once you’re back in the car. Kelley is the one at the wheel, and you fall asleep resing your head in Alex’s lap. She runs her fingers through your damp hair like she has done since you were a kid. It works like magic, and the tension vanishes from your shoulders.

This is your first World Cup, and you’re glad to have your family there.

The most intense, chaotic and wonderful month of your life has just begun. And you’re glad not to be alone.

One match down. The rest of the World Cup to go.

And you’re ready.

***

“I’m ready,” you mutter to yourself after tying your shoes. “Totally ready.”

A chuckle to your left makes you turn to face “Krash”. Her smile is confident and it helps you calm down. Even when you’re technically ready, the nerves refuse to go away.

“Take a deep breath, Morgan. We know these guys. We face them quite often, right?”

Your next match is against Mexico. Their team has improved greatly over the past few years, but Harris is right. They’re one of the teams you face the most. You know how they stand on the field, how they move, and more importantly, how to stop them.

“It’s the World Cup, and they’re gonna play their asses off, but so will we. We’re determined, disciplined, and hungry. But our biggest advantage is here.”

Harris taps your chest and you feel the way your heart beats; stronger than ever.

This team craves a chance to rise from the ashes; an opportunity to write their own story in a book filled with legends. There’s talent around you, but the passion is tangible beyond anything else. You’re not the only one with a known last name or number, and as such, everyone wants to prove they’re more than handy down.

You’re ready to leave everything on the field; except hope.

“We’ve got this,” Harris says once again.

“Aye aye, captain.”

Harris knows how to be a leader on the field, but also out of it. Sonnett’s trust pays off every time Krash keepers her head cool during a heated moment. It pays off when she keeps pushing you to do more; to do better, even when a game seems lost or won. Her mentality is to never give up because most of the time a match lasts more than ninety minutes.

Your job doesn’t end until the whistle is blown, and even then, there’s a lot of work to do.

You step into the field with a renewed sense of excitement and awe.

This is the second match of the World Cup for the USWNT; winning would put you closer to direct elimination. The next round is just around your corner, and so far, destiny is in your hands. 

But you don’t think about that when the game starts. You can’t think about the future when this moment is so big. You don’t think about “what if’s” because the world only follows what you do right then and there. So, you move and run; touch the ball with the delicacy and precision the moment requires. You treat the ball right, and spaces open in Mexico’s defense.

You’re patient when you don’t have the ball, but explode like a firework when you do.

You follow Long’s lead, and a perfect pass turns into an assist to Press.

              “The USA is on the board! Morgan with the assist and Press didn’t                        hesitate to convert. Only ten minutes into this game, and our triple                        threat proves to be a nightmare for the rival. There’s no better way to                    start this match. USA 1, Mexico 0.”

The roar of the stadium is felt more than heard. It makes you vibrate with adrenaline when you jump into Press’ open arms. She doesn’t know how to celebrate, so you  both laugh and wait for the rest of the team to join your hug.

Somehow, that’s a good enough celebration.

“You’re next,” you tell Harry once the match resumes.

The blonde shrugs although you can see the smirk on her face.

It doesn’t really matter who scores as long as the team wins, but Long deserves a goal too. She’s always grinding, but her efforts aren’t always appreciated by the rest of the world. But you see it; the way most of your goals came from her boots, and when you have an open look is because she pulled the mark. Your numbers wouldn’t look as good as they do without her, that’s for sure. And when all eyes are on the USWNT, you want to return the favor.

Fifteen minutes after Press’ goal, the match is closed up.

You don’t find spaces, but neither does Mexico. It’s a tough battle just to retain possession of the ball, but it’s mostly fair play. Their team has improved, their league has grown and that’s obvious on their National Team as well. It doesn’t look like a team willing to receive another goal, much less five like they did so often in the past.

The world stops not long after. You see it happening; someone in a green jersey taking a shot within an inch of free space. You see it soar with crazy effect, and a moment later is already on the back of the net.

               “That’s an equalizer. USA and Mexico are tied to one. They found a                     way to get through the dense, and boy, they didn’t look good on that                     one.”

There’s a general sense of frustration while Mexico celebrates, but there’s nothing you could have done better. The defense was tight as it could have been. Harris stretched as much as she could, but it was one hell of a goal; finding its home in the right corner.

However, the frustration doesn’t go away for the rest of the half, but it turns into annoyance when the public boos you all at halftime.

It’s like they don’t see Mexico playing. They don’t see what they do right, and instead focus solely on what you do wrong. It’s a fair point of view, you guess, but then again, you couldn’t have done anything better in that play. People don’t care.

Winning this game won’t matter if you don’t win the next. And whatever you do in the group stage will be in vain if you don’t win the Cup. It seems unfair, but after so many years of nothing, the entire nation has lost faith in you.

              “Is this the beginning of the end for this team?”

             “I think it is. After what we saw versus Germany, I feel like they don’t                      know what to do now. Maybe they found an accidental victory last time,               but that won’t happen again. They won’t be able to top this poor                           performance.”

            “What about the talent on this team?”

            “It’s moment to reconsider if it’s actually there of if it’s what we want to                 see. Everybody wants the dream team back, and with two members of                 the golden era leading them, it was easy to believe. But let me tell you                 right now, this isn’t the dream team even with all those kids with big                     names on their backs. The USWNT won’t make it to the next round.                    They won’t be able to win tonight, and they won’t win against Japan. It’s              over.”

          “There you have it, folks. It’s time to go back to the action to see the end               of this match.”

“Heads up, girls!” Harris shouts when you jump back to the field.

You have a new strategy; simple and crazy at the same time.

A position switch is made. Long will be a forward while you take her place as the right wing. The change should be enough to confuse Mexico’s defense; more so when the change is subtle at first. But finally, after what feels like forever, you get a single chance to change the game.

You can’t stop even when you see the hit coming from miles away; you’re surrounded by green shirts and they don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do. You don’t shy away from the contact nor give up an inch. If you did, then the team would have a free kick, but Mexico’s defense would have time to recover.

So, you wait until the last second possible; until Long is on the penalty spot with no mark, to nutmeg a Mexican player and fake an auto pass. It’s only natural for the same player to block your path, but it doesn’t matter.

The contact is hard but Long has the ball and plenty of space.

The hit sucked the air from your lungs, but you couldn’t care less. Hitting the turf is the last thing on your mind when Harry shoots.

The whistle goes off. The stadium breaks into cheers. Long did it.

You want to laugh, but air refuses to make it back into your lungs and pain hits you out of nowhere with a vengeance.

            “Unbelievable! They scored! WIth one of the most questionable                            decisions we’ve seen on this World Cup, the USA retakes the lead.”

Janice makes it to you faster than anyone. She helps to bend your legs until you’re able to gasp. It hurts like the devil, but you chuckle anyway. A muttered thanks is all you can offer before the medical team reaches you.

Everything happened so fast that no one thought you were hurt until you didn’t go celebrate with Harry. You’re not seriously injured, and you thank Heavens for that, but another moment to fully catch your breath does wonders.

The game only has seven minutes left, and Pinoe decides you can catch it on the bench.

There’s no need to risk you, and you trust your team completely.

Even when the pain subsides, it’s impossible to breathe normally until the match ends.

You’ve secured three more points, but that’s not the reason you celebrate. You join your team and hug everyone that comes your way, if the crowd cheers or not, it doesn’t matter. This victory belongs to the team, and no one can take that away from you.

“I told you, you were next!” You say holding Long by the cheeks. “And you scored!”

Before you can say, or do, anything else, someone is carrying you out of the field.

“O’Hara! Oh my God, right in front of the cameras?”

She just laughs, but you accept your fate by wrapping your arms around her neck. You’ll have your payback at some point, probably once she puts you down. Damn it, everybody is watching you.

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too, Morgan.”

You can only roll your eyes at that. Best friends, right?

[alicepink-me]

The New Guardian

Story Summary: Marinette Dupain-Cheng is an adult in the real world, guarding the Miracle Box in Master Fu's place. She's in love with Chat Noir, but refuses to tell him her feelings. New holders appear to fight the duo and shake up their lives. Marinette makes a tough decision about her future as Ladybug.

Chapter 7: Battle of Emotions

"Can you believe that?" Marinette stirred a pot of soup. "This guardian council or something sent another team to deal with us? Why can't they leave us be?"

"I'm assuming they have unfinished business with Master Fu and wish to fix everything from before his time as guardian." Wayzz said.

"Well I am not going back there again unless it's an emergency." Marinette began to cut a carrot. "Chat Noir and I aren't a match for them and they're just using signals to draw us out into the open. We're better off not engaging with them. I can't risk you guys or the Miracle Box."

"But Marinette, you can't turn your back on Paris." Tikki said, sprinkling some salt in the pot. "You must protect the city.

"I am by protecting all of you." Marinette replied. "If I give them a chance at that much power . . . Paris will fall and many other places could too."

"Do you really think they'd hurt innocent people?" Duusu asked.

Marinette emptied her cutting board into the pot. "If revenge and power is on their minds, they might do anything out of anger, even if that means going against their own laws; whatever those are."

. . .

"Can you believe it?" Duusu squealed. "Chat Noir still loves her."

"I always knew it." Pollen smiled. "Those two were meant for each other."

"Master did choose them himself." Wayzz added.

"Marinette has no reason not to tell him now." Nooroo chimed.

"What do you think, Tikki, will she do it? Will she reveal her feelings?" Trixx asked.

"Marinette is . . . stubborn." Tikki admitted. "As long as she feels guilt from her past, she'll bundle all of her emotions up until it's too much to bare. It took years for Marinette to tell Adrien and years more to get over him. We can encourage and support her, but Marinette's feelings can't be rushed."

"We've got to give her some confidence!" Mullo shouted. "If she's going to use her energy to keep us out of the Miracle Box then we're going to use it to her advantage."

"Yeah!" The kwamis cheered.

. . .

Marinette sat at her dinner table, eating a bowl of soup. Each kwami had a small teacup of soup in front of them as they happily ate. Right as Marinette lifted her spoon to her mouth, her phone vibrated. She closed her eyes and breathed. She tapped her phone.

"A news update." Marinette announced.

"Those two have probably returned." Tikki said, flying over to her. "You should open it.

Marinette set her spoon down and picked up her phone, clicking on the story. "This is Nadja Chamack reporting to you from the Channel 11 news chopper. The two new villains with miraculous powers have returned again this week to attack the city. There is a blind miraculous holder who just launched a peculiar mist around a crowd of bystanders at the Louvre museum. Citizens reported loss of sight, smell, and taste." The mist is shown spreading. "Citizens scream in terror as the attack continues. Paramedics cannot reach the people as long as the mist is there. It seems to go through gas masks so at this point, there is nothing we can do. Will Ladybug and Chat Noir show up to help us in this desperate time?"

Marinette set her phone down and pushed her bangs up, sighing. She took a deep breath before standing up and pushing her chair in. "Tikki, Spots On!"

Ladybug quickly locked her front door before moving to her window. She pushed it open, jumping out and swinging through the city. Ladybug landed on a row of buildings and ran towards the Louvre. Chat Noir headed towards her from another direction and joined her sprint from the side.

"Good evening, M'Lady." He smiled.

"Hello, Chat Noir." She panted.

"Looks like these two are even more serious than the three." Chat said. "We'll need to end this conflict between us and them today."

Ladybug chuckled. "Well they're clearly stronger and we don't have a single step to a plan."

"Stay positive, M'Lady. We've got this." He smiled.

"I hope so." She mumbled.

They reached the Louvre, looking down at the growing crowd of panicking civilians.

"Mint, stop!" Ladybug commanded. Mint's head turned to her with a diabolical smirk. "These people aren't a part of this!"

"But they are, Ladybug. This is your city after all." She taunted.

"It's us you want and more likely what I have, so leave them be." Ladybug said. "Suppress your fog."

"A few more minutes? Unless you'd like to come down now." Mint breathed in, listening to the screams.

"Stop!" Chat yelled. "Why would you want to prolong the wait to fight us? You're thirsty for our blood after all."

"True." Mint agreed. "Defrost." The mist shifted over to her and disappeared inside of her.

The citizens regained their senses and bolted, leaving an empty space. Once the mist was gone, Sage seemed to appear next to Mint. Ladybug and Chat Noir jumped down.

"We were only having a little fun because you two wouldn't come out to play." Sage said.

"Well your fun's over." Chat glared.

"I don't know." Sage put her hand under her chin. "We have some interesting ideas."

"We might not even engage in combat though." Mint frowned. "That's kind of a let down, but mental torture is far more pleasurable."

"I don't know what your plan is, but I'm gonna guess it has something to do with her." Chat Noir looked to Sage. "She has yet to use her power."

"Maybe strays aren't worthy of it." Sage said proudly.

"Stray?" Chat stepped forward, but was stopped by Ladybug's arm.

"Do not engage." She commanded. "We shouldn't jump in so carelessly." Ladybug sighed. "Let me try my power." She threw her yo-yo up. "Lucky Charm!" A pair of spotted ear plugs fell in her hands. "Again? Why do I need these now?"

"Right now, we have no idea what her power is." Chat whispered. "Maybe it's better to play it safe instead of waiting to figure out both of yours."

Ladybug nodded. "I'm sorry I only have one pair." She apologized, putting the ear plugs in.

"It's better this way." Chat smiled.

"That won't work." Mint announced. "Sage."

Ladybug turned to the heroine, their eyes meeting in what felt like time stopping. Sage smiled and raised her hands in front of her. "Weep." She commanded, their eyes instantly locking. Ladybug couldn't look away. "Now . . . " The feeling between them was frightening.

Her head began to burn. "Ah!" Ladybug shrieked, her tranced breaking. Her head throbbed and she could move again. Her head felt like it was on fire as ideas bounced against her skull. Her mind was racing and she couldn't straighten her thoughts anymore. Ladybug dropped to her knees, shaking.

"Ladybug, what's wrong?" Chat rushed to her side. Ladybug harshly pushed him back, blushing hard.

"I have set her emotions ablaze." Sage grinned. "Ladybug's emotions and memories have been intensified. She can't think clearly or handle what she says right now. She's lost all control . . . she will weep."

"Let her go!" Chat shouted, trying to help her, but she hit him away each time. Confused and shocked, he turned back to the enemy. "Why won't she let me near her? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." Sage turned to Ladybug with a demonic smirk. "Why don't you tell him?"

"No!" Ladybug breathed, trying to focus. The ear plugs didn't work with Sage inside of her head. Her lucky charm was useless. "I-I can't!"

"Stop this! You're hurting her!" Chat growled, his fist clenching.

"Tell him why you won't let him near you." Sage demanded, ignoring him.

"I-I can't let him get too close, I can't let him near, and I can't let him touch me." Ladybug blurted, shaking her head. It hurt too much. Chat froze, speechless. "Ah!" She held her temples. "Please s-stop."

"No." Sage denied emotionlessly.

"Why can't I get close to you?" Chat asked, slightly hurt.

"Answer him, Ladybug." Sage felt pleasure in her torment. Ladybug dug her fingers in the sides of her head. "Answer him!"

"Because I love him!" She blurted, fear filling her eyes as she paled. "I-I am in l-love with Chat Noir." A tear streamed down her face. An agonizing weight was lifted only to create a landslide of emotions.

Chat stopped breathing, his heart pounding in her ears. This could all be a dream or a nightmare, but who knows how it'd actually end. Maybe he'd wake up any second now. Sage grinned, watching everything before her unfold.

"Tell him the rest." Sage ordered.

Another tear fell. Ladybug stared at Sage as if she was in a trance. "I can't tell Chat Noir because I rejected him for several years. I played with his heart because I was in love with another boy. I was rejected by that boy and soon realized how much I regret rejecting Chat Noir myself. I miss his flirting and crazy ideas. I miss everything. I may not know who he is behind his mask, but I know that I love him."

"Ladybug-"

"Let her finish!" Sage snarled, turning back to the bug. "What do you feel now, Ladybug?"

"Guilt." She winced, blinking.

"Hmm." Sage grinned, tapping a finger against her cheek. She looked between Ladybug and Chat Noir. Chat Noir stood motionless, barely blinking. Ladybug held her face in her hands. "Well, I think I've done enough relationship counseling for today." Sage looked over at Mint before staring Ladybug. "I release you."

Ladybug gasped. She felt an enormous load lifted off her chest. She steadily regained her balance and eased up off the ground. Her thoughts were starting to straighten, but her heart was still rapid and her head dizzy. Ladybug had a massive headache that blurred her vision, but she knew one thing. She needed to leave and she had to do it now. She needed to run.

Ladybug released a breath and took one last look at her enemy before fleeing, tossing the ear plugs along the way. They purified the city, even though there wasn't much damage. Ladybug's never moved so fast in her life, but she had to escape. From this day forward, she would never see Chat Noir again no matter the circumstance. There's no akumas to purify, so another hero joining him without Ladybug shouldn't be a problem. She can choose a new holder. She is the guardian after all. It's her job.

Chat Noir used to work really well with Ryuko, so maybe it's her turn as Paris's leading heroine. Either way, Ladybug needed out and she was going to do everything in her power to stay away.

Ladybug ducked into an alley and detransformed, landing as Marinette. Her head felt dizzy as she stumbled back, hitting a wall. She slid down and burst into tears. With her mind returning to order, each thought stained her memory. The incident replayed over and over again. Her sleeves were soaked within a minute and her nose began to run. She wasn't strong enough. She couldn't fight anymore.

. . .

Marinette unlocked her apartment and walked inside. Once shutting the door behind her, she leaned against it and slid down to the floor. She needed a moment, but there wasn't any time to process this. Marinette needed to move on. It's been a long day, but she needed to clean the kitchen. The kwamis were all passed out on her bed. They probably finished their soup awhile ago and she needed to pack away any leftovers, plus do dishes.

Marinette managed to pick herself off the floor and made her way to the table, gathering the teacups on a tray. She reached her bowl and sighed. It was almost full since she was interrupted earlier. She had lost her appetite in today's aftermath, so it'll have to be saved for later. Marinette steadily carried the tray to the to the kitchen and set it on the counter, a cup falling from the top, but she caught it in a swoop. Marinette checked the pot before digging in her cabinet for a container. She pulled one out and poured the leftovers in.

Marinette grabbed a towel and began to wipe down the countertops. She stopped, feeling a slight draft pass over. She forgot to shut the window when she came home. Marinette turned around and gasped, dropping her towel.

"What are you doing here?" She almost trembled.

Mint smiled. "I stopped by to see you of course." She sat relaxed in the chair next to Marinette's bed.

"How do you-how did you even find me?" Marinette asked. "How did you know my civilian identity?"

"That's a long story that I don't feel like telling, but I have other things to discuss with you." She announced.

Marinette awkwardly crossed her arms. "Like?"

"The Miracle Box." Mint sat in the chair like she owned the place.

Marinette looked over at the kwamis on the bed. "Why haven't you taken it yet? All that power . . . is right there. It's right in front of you and yet you're acting peaceful for once. You never seemed like the one to actually talk things out."

"Well I'm usually not one to do this." She admitted. "Fighting's much more fun anyway, but I've reconsidered my tactics and have decided to have a chat with you."

"Lucky me." Marinette moved to the couch area, standing across from her. "So does that mean you're ready to reconsider the rest of your plans too?"

"I still need the Miracle box and all of the miraculous." Mint informed. "I'm just trying a more peaceful method."

"Which is?" Marinette looked skeptical.

"I think you should return to the guardian's temple with me." She said. "Nothing big, but you'll need to bring the box with you."

"And why would I do that?" Marinette snorted, crossing her arms. "I don't trust you in the slightest."

"Because if you don't come along, the council will send dozens more to fight you until you give up all of your power." Mint sighed. "Those three that were sent to Paris before me and Sage had lied to you. They said they would take the Miracle Box from you without a choice, but there is another option. You can train at the temple as a way of pardoning your crimes."

"Hold on, didn't you two say the exact same as those other three? Your threats weren't so different."

"I may have fibbed a little." She shrugged.

"And crimes?" Marinette glared. "I have protected this city. Chat Noir and I have watched over Paris and fought every villain that threatens the peoples' safety. We haven't committed any crimes."

"In some eyes you have." Mint admitted. "Your guardian never finished his training and put the temple underground for almost two hundred years. There are several furious elders there who want to repeal any decisions he has made. Some on the other hand have voted to give you a chance, but you must go through training."

"Master Fu trained me years ago to be a guardian."

"On his terms." Mint corrected. "Fu never finished, so that means you didn't either. Plus, you never trained for your miraculous. Obviously the curriculum would be bent a little to accommodate you, but most people at the temple study and compete to be considered for one. People spend years pushing themselves in class to get a miraculous, yet you received one so easily. The least you can do to make up for it is go through some basic classes."

"How many years did you train for?" Marinette asked, slightly interested.

"I started at the temple when I was eleven, I received my miraculous at seventeen, and I finished training with the Eucalyptus miraculous at nineteen. I'm twenty-two now."

Marinette shook her head. "I don't have time to just drop everything and leave for over five years of training."

"You don't have to." Mint stood up. "The council just wants you for a year. You already know a majority of the history and are pretty familiar with your miraculous, so the full ride isn't necessary."

"I don't know." Marinette looked at the kwamis. "I have other priorities."

Mint sighed. "I know you don't like me." Marinette chuckled. "But I think you should go." She finished. "You need a break and as far as I can see . . . you and Chat Noir aren't doing so good."

"Thank Sage for that." Marinette snarled.

"Sage didn't embarrass you or anything. She only made you tell the truth."

"Against my will!" Marinette took a deep breath.

"I don't know, but I believe there shouldn't be secrets between you two." Mint shrugged. "Avoiding your feelings and lying to the one you love is a steady drive straight off of a cliff. It would've never ended well, but at least now he knows."

"Am I supposed to thank you?" Marinette questioned.

"No, but moping around won't solve the rest of your problems. Whatever you two do now is up to you . . . or him, whichever you allow to happen." Marinette stayed quiet for a moment. "It's your choice, but you will face the council soon. Will it be in peace or battle?"

Marinette took a deep breath. "Fine, I'll go."

"Marvelous." Mint smiled.

"What's the first step?" She asked, shaking off her anger.

"Renounce those kwamis back to the box." Marinette looked confused. "I can feel their energy just like I can feel your judgement."

"I'm not-" Marinette walked over to the passed out kwamis. "I . . . renounce you." Each one faded away back into the box.

Marinette grabbed the Miracle Box and walked to the window. "Let's go."

"Wait." Mint muttered.

Marinette turned around. "What?"

"Yeah, so flying through the air, not being able to feel a thing, is not really my style." Mint said. "I prefer the ground where I can see or at least get an idea of where everything is at."

"Fine." Marinette turned back. "How do you travel then? You guys don't exactly have yo-yos and extendable batons."

"Come here and don't make this weird." Mint held her hand out. Marinette walked over and took it, confused. "I use teleportation. It's my specialty besides my eucalyptus." She sighed. "I'll show you what it's like and then I'll bring you back to pack your things."

"Fine. A little test run won't hurt." Marinette said. "Just don't kill me."

"Oh." Mint laughed. "That would be so much fun, but I'd really like to keep my powers."

The two flashed out, leaving the apartment empty.

[sighingsiren-tales]

ZODIAC MEN

So, I haven’t really said it much here but I have been healing from something terrible and this was my way of healing. I love astrology and this is something that I may start permanently in addition to the fan fiction I write here. I hope you enjoy it~Kae

*Note, this is from the perspective of a Leo Sun, Aquarius Moon, Leo Mercury, Virgo Venus and Rising and Scorpio Mars. (I’m a female) 

ARIES

❌My middle school boyfriend. Ha, you still hit me up and tell me i look cute and how we’re gonna have kids from time to time, maybe even flirt with me here and there. can’t say i don’t like it the attention but that ship sailed long ago. Funny, a definite goofball, popular after his insecurity phase was over. 

❌one of the first guys i fucked in college. lol you were fun, fun as hell. you were always easy going, funny and matched my energy relatively well but you were most definitely a fuckboy (sorry) you just liked pussy and women too much for us to ever work, assuming you even wanted us to work. You still tried to hit on me when i had a boyfriend (who was your roommate) and when you had a girlfriend. Bold as hell and he was h u g e.

❌ah, one of the few of your kind that I actually like on campus. loud personality but actually very timid. always asks me how to seduce people and tells me that I get what i want relatively easy. a ball of insecurities and emotion. learn your value king and get over that. 

TAURUS

❌over emotional man child lmao sorry. you want someone to be your mother and hold your hand and i can honestly say no one has hurt me like you have. too self absorbed, needs reassurance, can’t be himself. drinks and smokes too much. navy dude.

❌one of my self proclaimed brothers. he’s a bit of a hard ass and a commitmentphobe but he has a big heart and truly acts like a second dad haha. i love him as a friend. caring, soft, funny, protective asf (especially of me), won’t let me walk back to my dorm alone. 

❌my little brother. a pain in my ass. acts tough and hard, uses a lot of slang. needs attention and reassurance often. loves hard but can be annoying. told me he cared about me when i ran away. needs a healthier way to show his emotions. we butt heads a lot as kids. stubborn as hell. love you though kid 

❌ahh, this one (he’s a cusp kid, 4/20 hehe blaze it). honestly a super hero. so caring and sweet but also kinky and your handprint is kinda still on my ass. i had a crush on you before you did. honest, respectful, loveeessssss his mom, has a lot of female friends (which makes me a bit jealous). anime buddy. patient, protective, a bit of a temper (it’s kinda hot), the best kind of man. can get me to open up but strengthen me at the same time?? my superman, the only man i don’t mind being vulnerable to. reminds me of an anime character. a warrior with a heart of g

GEMINI

 ��fun while it lasted and i’m pretty sure i was your flavor of the month and you were mine as well. you were funny, and meshed with my energy well. didn’t last long in bed tho😬 your laugh was contagious. really good dancer. can’t hold a relationship for your LIFE. not good with emotions, a free spirit. kinda wishy washy. didn’t like it when i avoided hanging out. 

❌quiet, had an intimidating presence. everyone thought you were scary but you were funny, logical and very headstrong. strong silent type. always opened up with me but no one else. has a “lone wolf mentality” strongest man i know. made me happy with who i am, gave the best advice. unmovable, easy going. the one i stay with at all family functions. a big chunk of my heart. love you big bro.

CANCER

 ❌absolute trash lmao. always attracted drama and stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. ultimate instigator. i think you just need a diary and a xanax. everyone said you tried to break up me and my (then) boyfriend?? cute but annoying. an acquired taste (and that’s me being nice)

❌my little baby brother. the sweetest thing upon planet earth. always asks me if i’m okay, comes to me when he’s sad and cried when i told him i was leaving for college. tells me he loves my hair and nails and always protects his big sis. always excited to see me. so smart, a damn genius actually. amazing with technology. i love you so much little man.

LEO

 ❌ahh my first love. so caring, tender, sweet but had too many scars and wounds for us to heal together. we made so many mistakes with one another but you were always trying to be my own personal naruto and, for a while, you were. and for those few months you were my everything. kept me going when i wanted to die. kissed my scars all the time. always bought me food. loved to spoil me. had a temper and hid his emotions. put everyone before himself too much. things ended bad and our egos clashed. i hurt you. i’m sorry. the last words we said to each other were good bye and i love you. 

❌someone at college who wants to fuck me lmao. always hugs me really tight, stares me down in a way where i know he’s undressing me mentally. says love is bullshit but wants a happy ending and i know it. also also, you’re not fucking me lmao.

VIRGO

 ❌my summertime coworker. a party animal, mentally resilient and smart as all hell. we fooled around once lmao but it never got far. funny as fuck. never spoke about what he had going on but i know he was hurting. a perfectionist, a scammer. 

❌sweet in a weird kinda of way. always asks if i’m okay. always asks if i need something, always willing to help. trusts me to make my own decisions and encourages me to think for myself and watch my back. hard working, quiet with bit of a hardshell. never lets anything dictate who he is. love you uncle. 

LIBRA

❌my distant friends ex; wishy washy. not very good with commitment. really cute room and good fashion sense. pretty lips; respectful and honest fuck boy. made a move on me once after a party once. pops in and out of my life. 

❌invited me to a gala once. loved the attention of having me on my arm. hated my ex. smoked weed a lot, easy going and soft spoken. never got angry, went along with anything. probably in jail or in some legal trouble right now.

SCORPIO

❌you wanna fuck me. lol i know you do and you’ve made it clear as the only thing you want me for. came up to my room and tried to barge in after i told you not to. kinda creepy. quiet. doesn’t say much. always seemingly where i am. in my same major, soooo tall, soft spoke voice. 

❌oh boy. obsessive. possessive, jealous. we were good friends. then you fell in love with me. i didn’t think of you that way. you told me it was okay and then began to blow up my phone with messages, text my friends to ask where i was and blow up on me when i said we needed space and cursed me out. safe to say we don’t talk anymore. when i blocked you, you emailed me an apology and asked my friend to tell me you’re sorry and give me your letter. overthinks a lot. always needs to be in the know and/or control. consuming. reallll timid and unconfident. weed addict. total beta male.

❌you’re sexy. i’ll give you that. and you’re smart. you pop and out of my life. easy going. sweet. quiet, distant and a little annoying with your wishy washyness. i took your virginity 😬 lmao yikes. always around a group of females. nice hair, always played in mine. really funny and the times where you matched my energy it was magic. 

SAGITTARIUS

❌lol uh i knew you in high school. went to harvard. super super attractive, very competitive and very funny. had a pretty chill vibe. i wanted to kiss you. had perfect teeth, the valedictorian of the class before me. 

❌a hardass, lol. sees things like they’re black and white. has a funny side, hilariousssss but in a mean kind of way. doesn’t show much emotions but you know he cares. blunt. caring in his own way. took me to get my first tattoo. affectionate in a awkward pat back type of way. when he sees me sad, he helps best he can although that’s not always in the best of ways. helped me get through my grammy’s death. my dad. 

CAPRICORN

 ❌ah the fwb that turned into my boyfriend. we should’ve never happened. i care for you but a relationship was a bad idea. we started based off sex. was fucking a lot of girls when when with me (9 of them lmao yikes 😬) aloof, funny, dorky, another anime buddy. thinks he knows everything, thinks he’s a god (literally), an emotional baby when it comes down to it. made me his reason and told me he loved me. i regret telling you i loved you too. gas s god complex and wants things to come to him with minimal effort. 

❌ahh, you always had a thing for me. you and everyone else told me. held my umbrella for me while we walked in the rain. told me i was perfect, always promised that you’d marry me. pop in my life from time to time. down with anything. 

AQUARIUS

❌ ahhh the forbidden fruit. distant, friendly, charming, a liar. very sexual, always complimented me and once told me he loved me(yikes). really cute, made me feel special, has been trying to get me for yrs. not sure if it’s just sex or if it’s more but not giving myself the chance to be hurt and find out. sometimes i wonder what we could’ve been but the drama attached to your back makes me think otherwise. i still think of you from time to time. great kisser. 

PISCES 

❌my self proclaimed older brother. really knowledgeable, wise, sweet, loves his girlfriend with all his heart. encourages me to open up. supports me the best way i need, not always want lol. funny, a meme lord, hilarious in a subtle way. knows he’s that bitch. has almost all female friends but still retains his masculinity perfectly stronger than he lets on. an absolute blessing. helped me learn to love who i was and to be open to living others.

❌a wanna be gangster. lmao wants to fuck me but not happening. a big ball of unsorted through emotions. needs to get over his toxic masculinity but soft, caring. a big ass baby. unfaithful and childish. needs to learn his self worth within himself. daddy issues.

[prettywordsyouleft]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @g-exo Thank you sweetie! <3

1. What takes too much of your time?

Working and writing. 

2. What makes your day better?

Writing, k-dramas, crafting, bullet journalling, chocolate lol.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

This is going to sound odd, but we have 3 little kittens (and their mama) who we rescued from our horses’ hay shed a few weeks ago. The kittens started on solids like two days ago and one of them hadn’t pooped and was pretty full. After some assistance from me, she went and pooped. I could have cried with pure happiness. Poor thing was so uncomfortable.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

The world of Howl’s Moving Castle. To be able to use the door in Howl’s Castle to go to different realms and places would be truly magical.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I believe so. Not so good at taking the same said advice though >_<

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Generalised Anxiety.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Nope and I’m grateful that I haven’t :/ << same.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

SHINee as a group. I was in a hard place when I got into kpop with being unable to walk. I was entirely depressed from my accident and thought I would never get anywhere again. Their music gave me an escapism that I needed at first, and then I found the confidence in myself to get back up and try again. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I don’t think I truly know what love is aside from familial love. I’ve not had the opportunity to fall in love. 

10. What’s your dream date?

I don’t think I have one. Something simple yet fulfilling with a person who is actually engaged in the date happenings and wanting to be in my company would be enough for me!

11. What do others notice about you?

I like to give. Everyone who has come across me - whether in passing or actually get to know me, all say that I have this ability to share with others and make their lives brighter by doing so. 

The ones who know me well complain that I don’t know when to stop and rest because I’m so focused on completing my tasks/ giving to others lol. 

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I guess the above - being too stubborn to know when I need to rest. I’m pretty bad about it. I overload myself and then get too stressed out. It’s something I’m working on!

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Not applicable to me.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

Zero.

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

6456 is the amount I have on itunes. I have various playlists that I listen to despite my mood though.

16. What instruments can you play?

None.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

Uhhhh on my phone it’s Mark Tuan. Followed by Kyungsoo and both Jung/Park Jinyoung’s.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Italian Peninsula is my top pick. Other places would be Greece, Japan, Korea and England.

19. What is your zodiac?

Gemini technically.

20. Do you relate to it?

I fall on the Gemini-Cancer cusp and relate to articles I’ve read of Gemini-Cancer cusp people than pure Gemini traits. I’m definitely not an outgoing, carefree person as Gem’s are describe to be lol.

21. What is happiness to you?

My family, friends and even our pets succeeding in life. Seeing their happiness makes me feel good.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

This whole year has been a “going through” kind of year. Every time I think things are settling, another thing is thrown my way. But I’m optimistic it means I’m getting stronger with this testing period. 

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Not buying VIP tickets when B.A.P came here for their L.O.E tour. I chose Gold tickets because they had seats and as a partially disabled person through my right leg, I didn’t think I could stand for the duration of the concert. It’s something I’ve regretted for years - they were so amazing to everyone, but those in VIP were so darn lucky with all the interactions they had!  

24. What’s your favourite store?

I guess Gordon Harris, the local art store, because I am always there picking up new stationery supplies for bullet journalling. 

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

It’s a very personal choice. As a person who wants to be a mother one day, it’s an option I could never ever bring myself to do. However, it’s not my place to judge, condemn or preach at those who feel it’s their only choice at the time. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Kind of? In my bullet journal for the past 2 years I’ve done the whole “19/20 things to do before 2019/2020″ but I don’t have an official bucket list or anything.

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Probably Verse 2 - JJ Project because I listen to it all the time. Otherwise, Good Timing - B1A4 is probably another long time favourite.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Not really sure... my birthday is hard because it’s ten days before my Dad’s death anniversary. So I just try to do something to smile each year. Maybe go out for dinner to celebrate mine and Mum’s birthday (she’s a week exactly after my birthday)

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

I’ve been told most people think I’m shy and awkward but once I talk, they are surprised with how engaging I can be in conversation. Which makes me laugh because generally on the inside I’m panicking as I have social anxiety issues. 

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

I’m 32 but people never seem to think it. When I was at university, I was older than everyone else as an adult student but they all thought I was around 20-21 when I was 24+ hahah. 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On top of Octavia’s crate which is next to my bed. Or if I need to charge it, I leave it on my desk. I’m a very light sleeper so when my alarm goes off, it doesn’t need to be next to me to wake me up.

32. what word do you say the most?

When I’m talking - “like” (which really annoys me). When I’m writing - “but”.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

I try to believe I would date anyone regardless of age. But I’ve been known to have put an age limit of no more than 8 years older when I was feebly using dating websites. I don’t actively search for someone anymore, so if they came into my world and matched me well in a natural way, then I don’t think age would deter me. 

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

I’m a bit more carefree on this one... I think it comes from being an older kpop fan and liking on younger idols because there’s hardly any idols left that are my age/older lol. Again as above, I wouldn’t let a younger age deter me in the right setting.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Author. I’ve even done those career quizzes on multiple occasions and the first choice is always Author/Writer. 

The second choice people say is teacher. Which I was training to be until my injury. 

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

K-Pop. 

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I’m happy where I live. I’ve never thought of being able to live elsewhere.

38. What is your current favourite song?

White or Feeling - both by Jeong Sewoon. 

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I started it on July 2nd, 2018.

40. What are you excited for?

Uh, I’m not really excited for anything? 

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A bit of both.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Yesterday I made a new paddock up for our horses, cleaned out my guinea pig’s house, cleaned out the entire bathroom where Byul and her kittens are staying. And then last night I did Chelle Chats which was pretty busy! 

Today I’ve been pretty chill compared so far. 

43. What do you want for Christmas?

I’m not sure. I’m never good at knowing what I want. Better at knowing what to buy others.

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

In high school, it was English and Biology. In university, it was Classics/Ancient History.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

6

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

Not sure. I had an image of how I hoped to be a mother, and continuing on with my art business, but with puberty rocking our house with my sister and my finances taking a nose dive, fertility treatment is long gone sadly. I’ll just think I’ll focus on the now and improve/appreciate what I have! 

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

I’m sure this question is related to dating but for me, when I was 14 my heart broke when my Nana died. And in 2012, when my Dad was killed was when I gained another ball in my box of grief. Last year was tough losing my dog of 15.5 years too. Got three balls in that box now :( 

As for dating, sure, I’ve hurt from limited attempts to confess and being rejected... but I’ve never had real opportunity for heartbreak like that.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

Lmfao. I’ll probably be single for my whole life. Marriage is so far from the cards for me, I can’t imagine it. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be a Veterinarian or Teacher.

50. What do you crave right now?

Food cos it’s 1.34pm and I’ve not eaten yet oops.

Tagging: @this-song-thats-only-for-you @mark-tuan-and-namjoon-lover @katdefbeom @listlessmaenads @tuanyiems @peachyparkjinyoung @jinyoungmoans @ahgase55g7 @itsallabigmess and anyone else who wants to do this! 

[masssterchief]

STU48 natalie.mu Interview Translation

STU48 that debuted with their 1st single “Kurayami” has expanded their activities with performances on 「TOKYO IDOL FESTIVAL」「Coca Cola SUMMER STATION Music LIVE」「@JAM EXPO」and starred on tv shows such as「STU48 no Setobingo！」「STU48 Imousu TV」「AKB48 SHOW!」. They’re continuing to improve every day, so in order to cover their current state, we’ve come to the recording site of AKB48 SHOW! That airs on NHK BS Premium every Sunday from 23:00. We’ll bring to you their serious faces during their performance or their normal facial expressions during the break.

In addition, we’ve interviewed 6 people, Ishida Chiho, Iwata Hina, Takino Yumiko, Tanaka Kouko, Torobu Yuri and Yabushita Fuu between recordings. We asked them about their past activities, the charity project “Ganbarou! Setouchi!” to help the areas that were affected by the heavy rain in July of this year and their thoughts about the boat theater that is scheduled to open in the near future.

 The waterfall training was the hardest thing so far

── AKBG’s youngest group, STU48, it’s been around 1 year and 3 months since their unveiling. It’s been around 7 months since their major debut. Of all the activities that they experienced so far, what was the most memorable of them all?

Ishida Chiho: Pesonally, last year’s “Tokyo Idol Festival” is very memorable. It’s our first live performance in the Kanto area, and I thought to myself that outdoor performance is this fun.

Iwata Hina: During that time, Sashihara Rino-san was a concurrent member of HKT48 and STU48. Because it was our first time standing on a stage together with Sashihara-san, everyone was really nervous. Of course, her performance is great, but she’s also great at hyping up the fans and creating a sense of unity. I was looking at her with a great sense of respect

── That was really exciting. STU48 has an image that looks good with outdoor performances.

Yabushita Fuu: The handshake event that commemorate our debut single “Kurayami” “Setouchimeguri” were mostly done outdoors. We also performed during the event, even though it was during winter, we danced our hearts out and tore the house down together with the fans. There’re also fun things to be had performing indoors, but I think the members loves performing outdoors.

Takino Yumiko: For me, our first live performance in Okayama last June really left a mark. We didn’t know much of anything because we performed not long after the group was formed, I was so happy to be standing on that stage together with Okada Nana-san and all of the first-generation members. It was the first time that I got to see the fans directly, it finally dawned on me that I’m an Idol now.

Tanaka Kouko: At that time, all the members desperate to not make any mistakes, but now we can show off a lot of different facial expressions, we’re now able to give out fanservices to all the fans. And also, I was part of the senbatsu for “Omoidasete Yokatta” (The coupling song of AKB48’s single “11gatsu no Anklet”), I was happy that I got to participate in a music video shoot for the first time. And after that I was also chosen to be part of the senbatsu for “Kurayami”, those two songs really left an impression on me.

── Other than live performances, STU48 appeared on a lot of tv shows like “STU48 no Setobingo!”, “STU48 Imousu TV”, and “AKB48SHOW!”

Torobu Yuri: The most memorable tv show appearance is we went and had a waterfall training on ”STU48 Imousu TV“. It was really cold because it was the end of January, we also sat straight and recite a Sutra from 3 in the morning, it was really painful for me to fast. After that experience I don’t think that something is harsh ever again (lol). I also have an experience in bungee jumping, but the waterfall training is more painful.

Everyone has improved

── Compared to the early days, is there a member whose impression has changed?

Yabushita: Kouko looks like an adult, at first, I thought that she’s very grown up. But, that’s not the case at all, she’s good friends with the youngest member who is in middle school. She likes to take care of them, so she’s like a mother to the young members. She’s really good at taking care of others, she often plays around with the young members in the dressing room. My impression of her has changed in a good way.

Tanaka: I’m glad (lol). I think I have the same mental age as the middle school members.

── Did you girls immediately get along with each other after the formation of the group?

Tanaka: We got along without realizing it. I’m good friends with Torobu Yuri-chan since the audition.

Yabushita: She’s really reserved (lol)

Tanaka: (lol). At first, I was under the impression that she’s a chill person, but now she’s someone who comments on other member’s dancing, she’s a reliable and dependable person.

Torobu: I didn’t intend to be a dependable person, but STU48 has a lot of young members, I give advices to the young members as part of the older members.

── As the center of the group, has anything changed for you, Takino-san?

Takino:  I have gotten lots of jobs that I’m grateful for, but the amount of lessons that I had to miss is also rises. Even though I’m not good at dancing, it’s really hard for me to miss practicing together with everyone, but now I have thought about a way to compensate for that time. I don’t want to risk my physical condition by cutting my sleeping time, so I’m properly protecting my physical condition, and actively thinking about making good use of the time when I’m awake.

Torobu: Looking at Yumiko, she’s gotten faster at remembering the dance moves.

Takino: I’m happy.

Torobu: Since the Business Trip Shows started in July (A live tour at all AKB48G theater and others across Japan) the amount of songs under our belts has increased, there are lots of time where we don’t practice together. Even as someone who participates in the practices, it’s still difficult for me to remember all the dance moves, I think that Yumiko is awesome to be able to immediately match our moves as someone who only joined us from the very first show.

Takino: Thank you. But, that means that everyone is great at teaching. When there are things that I don’t know and I was in a bind, Torobu Yuri-chan started helping me, and the other members followed. It’s not just me, I think that everyone has improved.

A group where dialects intermingle

── On the AKB48 53rd Single Sekai Senbatsu Sousenkyo ~Who is the world’s center?~ that took place this June,  Ishida-san took 99th place, while Takino-san took 74th place. Once again, please share your thoughts about it.

Takino: On top of being the center, there was also the pressure that I had to rank so I was really relieved. I performed on the Ranked-in Concert (An event where only the ranked members got to participate) the other day, once again I’m feeling really thankful. If there’s also a Sousenkyo next year, I hope that more STU48 members get to rank-in and I also want to go even higher and lead STU48.

Ishida: Because I ranked in the top 100, the number of times where I’m standing with other AKB48G members has increased, I have learned lots of things. I want to make good use of that experience during STU48 activities, and if there’s another Sousenkyo next year, I absolutely want to rank in again. During the ranked-in concert, the ranked-in members of HKT48-san or SKE48-san performed a medley of their songs. I hope that someday STU48 becomes a group that can also performs medley like them.

── Other than Takino-san and Ishida-san, I think that the number of times that the other members working together with the other AKB48G members has also increased, what is the thing that is unique to STU48 that no other group has?

Torobu: Because we have members from the 7 Setouchi Prefectures, we’re overflowing with personalities. I’m from Hiroshima, thanks to STU48 I’ve learned about the other prefectures. Also, a lot of different dialects intermingle within our group, even though Fuu is from Osaka, it’s funny to hear her say “Jakee” (Okayama dialect, something that you say at the end of a sentence)

── Do you absorb the dialect of other members?

Yabushita: Because I’m not really surrounded with people from Kansai, I don’t speak with Kansai dialect anymore. I sometimes speak with a Hiroshima dialect, but most of the time I speak the standard language. I now say things that I’ve never said before like “Isn’t that wrong?” or “Seriously”, I thought to myself “Who am I?” (lol).

Iwata: And also, there’s a lot of people who saw STU48 for the first time during the business trip shows, during the send-off, a lot of people said to me “I feel the freshness from you girls”. Because it’s been only one and a half year since our debut, I think we still have that freshness feel to us. There are parts of us that we need to improve, I want everyone to look over us because we’re going to do our best.

A Business Trip shows where we felt the amazingness of our Senpais

── What are your thoughts about the Business Trip shows?

Takino: During the Business Trip shows, we usually performed twice a day. There was a time where we performed twice a day for 4 straight days, it was really tough, but because we can immediately improve on the things that needed improvement for the next show, I think that because of that our sense of unity is now stronger and we have improved for the better. And also, standing on different theaters, once again I felt the amazingness of the Senpais and our inexperience, I’ve learned a lot.

Iwata: I’m thankful because I got to perform on that stage where a lot of amazing Senpais also stood on, but I also feel some pressure because we will be compared to those that have come before us. Our performance and MC are still not good enough, we sent each other LINE messages about the things needs improving, we’ll do our best to catch up with the other Senpais. I think that the bond between the members is also deeper now.

Torobu: I’ve properly studied the various theaters, the view from each stage is very different, the feeling of quickly wanting our own theater is stronger now.

── What is the most memorable theater for you?

Torobu: For me it’s definitely the AKB48 Theater. I’ve always admired AKB48, so to be able to see the same view as my oshimens was deeply moving. And also, I was really excited to find a spot where the other members wrote their signatures (lol).

Tanaka: I’ve come to the AKB48 Theater before as an audience, so I thought about where I sat at that time on stage.

Torobu: It was really shocking that we’re able to properly see the audience from the stage. When I went to the theater as a fan, I thought to myself that there’s no way that they’re able to see uchiwa that I’m holding, but when I actually stand on that stage, I’m happy that I’m able to see the faces of the fans.

Yabushita: The close distance between us and the fans is the charm of the theater.

I want to do a show where you cut up fish on the Boat Theater

── STU48 will be opening a Boat Theater in the Setouchi Sea, what kind of theater do you want it to be?

Torobu: I want to have a restaurant on the boat that serves fresh seafood. Imagining things is really exciting (lol). And I want to hold a performance on the deck of the boat.

Yabushita: For sure! I want to hold an outdoor performance.

Torobu: I also want to fish or snorkeling with the fans. Is that way too fun? (lol)

Ishida: Sugahara Saki-chan is really good at fishing, so she seems like she could handle the fish. I want to eat a fresh seafood that she fished for lunch.

Torobu: Also do a show where she cuts the fish up (lol).

Iwata: For me, I want there to be a shop that sells the local specialties of the 7 prefectures of Setouchi. It’s great if the fans can learn the delicious dishes that Setouchi has to offer.

── If there’s a STU48 Official Shop, what kind of thing that you want it to have?

Iwata: Kawara Soba!

Yabushita: Udon!

Torobu: I want it to have delicious noodles from each prefecture

Yabushita: There is also Onomichi ramen in Hiroshima. I want to create a collaboration item between STU48 and each prefecture’s specialties that you can only buy at the theater.

Torobu: If you bought a collaboration item, you’ll learn more about Setouchi and STU48 both at the same time, it’s like killing two birds with one stone.

── Do you have an ideal image of what the interior of the theater should look like?

Tanaka: I want the interior of the theater to be refreshing. If the design of the ticket is cute, wouldn’t more people want to come to the theater?

Torobu: The interior of the NGT48 Theater is school themed, so I want ours to be modeled after pirates or sailors.

Someday we will hold a charity concert in the disaster area

── STU48 launched a charity project called “Ganbarou! Setouchi!” to help the areas that were affected by the heavy rain in July of this year, you girls held a fund raiser during the handshake events and the Business Trips shows didn’t you. Have you ever wanted to do something like a fundraiser?

Yabushita: I’m really happy to have the corporation of older people or kids that passed by us

Iwata: The fans of other groups also gave their money and said “Do your best okay, I’m right behind you”. Once again, I felt that the fans of AKB48G are nothing but a bunch of kind people.

── In addition, from September to October, a charity concert tour will be held in Osaka, Fukuoka and Tokyo, donating part of the proceeds to the disaster area as donation.

Torobu: I want to hold a charity concert someplace where the damage is really severe. Personally, I would like to do some volunteer work in the disaster area.

While blowing the Setouchi wind, I want STU48 to be a hot group

──Do you feel like the popularity of STU48 is spreading in the Setouchi area?

Takino: In January during our major debut period, we gave out tissues in the 7 prefectures of Setouchi, there were a lot of people that received the tissues and said to me “I’ve heard about STU48 before”, I think that the name of STU48 has penetrated a little bit.  Because I think that it was the reason that a lot of people learned about us, I would like to do this activity once again for the next single.

Torobu: The fans have the handshake event to go and talk to us, but there wasn’t a lot of chances to talk to non-fans of STU48. I would like to continue to give out tissues. I would like for the people of Seouchi to support us.

──To everyone outside of the 7 prefectures of Setouchi, just what kind of place is Setouchi?

Torobu: There’s a lot of kind people. If you lost something, you will get it back most of the time, there are lots of time where I said hello to the Grandpa and Grandma that passed by me.

Tanaka: The animals of Setouchi is also very friendly.

──Animals？

Tanaka: There are cats in Hiroshima, and deers in Miyajima, the animals of Setouchi is also very kind.

Yabushita: Somehow, it’s like something out of a fairy tale (lol)

Tanaka: And I think that it’s amazing that the boat is able to move between prefectures.

Yabushita: That’s right! I was surprised when I learned that when we’re on the boat, we’re going to visit a number of prefectures in one day. Both the sky and sea of Setouchi are very pretty, there’s a lot of spots to take photos. I was brought up in the city of Osaka, it feels like I’m sightseeing everywhere I go in Setouchi, even though it’s not my hometown, it’s very relaxing.

Torobu: I think that one of the charms of Setouchi is that we can enjoy both the sea and the mountains. It takes roughly 1 to 2 hours to go skiing or to swimming in the sea.

──Is that so. Lastly, please tell us what kind of group do you want STU48 to be or your goals

Takino: A while back, a staff-san told us after a live performance “The Setouchi wind is blowing”

Yabushita: During last year’s TIF, the air was cool only when it was our turn to perform.

Takino: That’s right (lol). I want us to be a refreshing and passionate group. Blowing the wind of Setouchi, we’ll do our best to deliver an exciting performance.

[sutekiyomitsu]

[TRANSLATION] Reflections from Itsukushima Shrine: Izuminokami Kanesada

[TRANSLATION] Reflections from Itsukushima Shrine: Arisawa Shoutarou as Izuminokami Kanesada

Commissioned by Angle @shqutarou!!

Please do not repost any of my translations.

You may also read this translation on my Wordpress here.

In between the ending of the Osaka performances of Bakumatsu Tenrouden and the [start of the] Tokyo Gaisen performances, there were rehearsals as well as the actual performance at Itsukushima Shrine. During the rehearsals where time was short, new songs were added, the choreography was changed, and the lyrics for the in-musical songs [that we had been singing in Bakumatsu Tenrouden] were also different; With so many things to do, it was honestly very difficult. But, the things that I gained from [performing at] Itsukushima Shrine trumped how difficult it was. In the first place, in the Bakumatsu Tenrouden performances themselves, we have to sing and dance while fighting in addition to acting, so the things that we have way too many things to memorise, and no matter how many times I did it, I felt like there wasn’t enough rehearsal time even as the curtains rose for the first day. Especially when it came to the songs and dances, I had a strong feeling that I was not good enough at these aspects yet. Under these kinds of circumstances, the [performance at the] Itsukushima Shrine drew closer, and the feeling that “if I just continue doing things the same way, it would be no good” got even stronger. As it is a commemorative performance that is also a dedication to the god of the shrine, I think that the opportunity to stand on such a stage isn’t presented to everyone, and not just anyone can stand on such a stage. I think that that was something that not just myself but everyone was thinking about, right? Of course, even up to this point, we were always trying to get better and better, but the Itsukushima Shrine performance was an especially high wall for us, and we had to strain our bodies even more than what we had been doing before; I realised that the teamwork of the Bakumatsu members also heightened [because of it].

For the Itsukushima Shrine performance, we encountered the choreography of Motoyoma Shinnosuke, who was in charge of Atsukashiyama Ibun. His choreography was completely different from the choreography by TETSUHARU-san that we had experienced in Bakumatsu Tenrouden… I had a really had time remembering it. It could said that it was considerably tough. It was because, not only was our rehearsal time limited, but our memory was bad. Speaking of Shinnosuke-san’s choreography, there is an element of sign language in it. Each movement has a meaning to it, and it was something new [to me] to have to express emotions beyond the realm of lyrics. In encountering Shinnosuke-san’s choreography for Itsukushima Shrine, I learnt how to convey a message to people through dance. Also, because we were together with the Sanjou members, the rehearsal venue was big. Even from before, when I started to be involved in this production, I always kept in mind not to lose to Atsukashiyama Ibun, so while watching their performance from nearby, my fighting spirit was ignited, and I became really motivated.

The power I felt from Itsukushima Shrine after the performance

Even among the various places we have performed Toumyu, the Itsukushima Shrine performance was the one I was the most nervous for. Even among famous artists, few people have had performances here, but we Touken Danshi are able to stand [on this stage]... Moreover, the elevated stage is a national treasure. It was the kind of place where we would repeatedly [tell ourselves] many times, “We definitely cannot let our swords fall on the floor or our scabbards hit the pillars and damage them”. I’m not a very anxious person, but for just this time, it was impossible to do things as we usually do them. I was surprised by the fact that I got to stand on the elevated stage with my own two feet, and by how close we were to the audience, which was different from [performing in] a normal theatre. Moreover, it was an outdoors performance, which was something I had not experienced before. Because I have never entered a stage with such stillness before, I could not even begin to imagine how the performance would be like even from the start [of the performance]. The thing that made me especially happy was being able to sing “Riyuu no Arika”. In the first portion of Bakumatsu Tenrouden, Horikawa sings it as a solo, and it’s my favourite song. To think that I would be able to sing that song together with Horikawa… Yuuki-kun is good at singing, so there was some pressure to match his performance, but it was only to that extent that I had very strong feelings.

During the Tokyo Gaisen performances after the Itsukushima Shrine performance had ended, many different people said to me, “You’ve gotten better”. Certainly, as the first day [of Bakumatsu Tenrouden] approached, we said to each other, “Let’s make sure we don’t go out of tune,” but it changed to “Let’s take care to stretch our voices,” and we started thinking about the feelings that are put into the lyrics and the nuances, and within myself, there was also a change in my awareness [of the music]. Doing it like that, I received many direct praises, and I thought, just from watching my surroundings, I have been able to grow, and I gained a lot of confidence from that. Up till now, I have not believed in spiritual things, but I think that things like the importance and power of national treasures may be real.

Because of his Kunihiro, I became my Kanesada

In addition to me building on my character, I think that I would like to treasure my relationships. After all, it’s the same no matter what type of role it is; often, the character can be seen in the types of relationships I have with the people around me and the types of conversations that I have. In such aspects, I build on things that would emerge in my physical appearance, like manliness. It was also like this for Izuminokami Kanesada. Before entering rehearsals, while I was reading the script, I heard that he is the sword of Hijikata, who was called the demon vice-commander, and he is strict to people and has an intimidating aura, and I thought, seen from the sidelines, he could be a scary character. But there are a lot of times when the other Touken Danshi, not to mention Horikawa, poke their noses into his business, and conversely there is also a scene where he meddles in Hachisuka’s affairs, and I thought, he is unexpectedly endearing. As a sword, he is, apparently, said to be [one of] the new members that appear in performance, so there is a side of him that is pampered.

In Bakumatsu Tenrouden, we appear in 3 pairs: Kiyomitsu and Yasusada, Nagasone and Hachisuka, and us (Izuminokami and Horikawa), but in the first portion of the musical, the focal point is the discord between the Kotetsu brothers and the conflict between Okita Souji’s swords, Yasusada and Kiyomitsu. Because of that, Yuuki-kun, the actor for Horikawa, said that as we have the part of moving the story forward, we need to be in a position where it feels as if we see everything that is going on. Just like that, little by little, that feeling was there as I thought about my role. When speaking of Izuminokami Kanesada, as expected, the first thing [that you’d mention] is his relationship with his partner Horikawa Kunihiro. When we were at the rehearsal venue, I would be with Yuuki-kun as much as I could, and in order to not lose to the other pairs, we deliberately tried to improve our communication with each other. Although, at first, because we are both shy around strangers, we were nervous and could not talk much. But, even outside of the rehearsal venues, Yuuki-kun would throw in one of Horikawa’s lines [in our conversations], and from there, as I returned it [with one of my own], we gradually began to talk freely, and as on the way back home we began to talk as Kanesada and Horikawa. After that, in order to make us feel like a pair [visually], even through our appearance, we discussed with each other how it’d be interesting if we two naturally synchronised our movements on stage and we practised it. When I was made to practice with Yuuki-kun, he taught me many different things, and I received a lot of encouragement from him. There were a lot of parts where he helped me, and it’s probably okay to say that, without Yuuki-kun’s Kunihiro, I would not have been able to be my Kanesada. Yuuki-kun… Watching him, even from the way he manages his private time, he’s a real professional. During rehearsals and even in the actual performances, he never wasted any time even when it was not our turn on stage. He would be at the wings of the stage, watching the play and practicing voluntarily while warming up [his body] and his voice. It was because everyone saw him doing that that everyone in the company relied on Yuuki-kun, and Kayano-san always told everyone, “Follow his example”. It was because he prepared that much that he was able to pull off a perfect performance on stage. I’m not yet able to catch up to him yet in terms of skill, but I think I will try to imitate his mental attitude and the time that he takes to prepare [for performances].

It has been one and a half years since my debut. Even though it has only been a short time since the start of my career, but I think this experience in Musical Touken Ranbu is, without a doubt, a turning point for me. The attitude of all the Touken Danshi towards [acting in a] play is amazing, and it made me think once again that plays are interesting. Especially Yuuki-kun and Torigoe-san, they treasure things that are created in that place [on the stage], and without changing the course of the story which has a base, they would [instead] change the way they act [as their characters] in every performance. As someone who was on the receiving end of this, I panicked at first, but in the face of such [methods of] acting, I remember the pleasant feeling of building my own acting on it, and I thought, “Acting in plays is like playing catch”, and it became even more enjoyable.

As expected, I gained a lot of things from [performing at] Itsukushima Shrine. With that experience, the way that I faced the stage has changed. Until now, I have broken down the goals before me one by one, but when it was decided that we would perform at Itsukushima Shrine, we were pressed by the necessity to set a target value at a level that had never been set before. Trying to do something like that, it felt like I was seizing something that was above anything that I imagined. I want to become an actor who is better at conveying emotions: That is my current high-level target. I think that, to reach that goal, I want to treasure each and every step as I advance forward.

Special thanks to @rz-jocelyn for helping with some of the lines and proofreading! ♡

[misomilk]

To: Maddy ( @brokuro ) Fr: Lea ( misomilk ) for @oofurixmas 2017

Hello, Maddy! Merry Christmas to you! I hope your Christmas Eve has been filled with lots of food and love and cheer, and may your Christmas day be filled with those even more! I’ve got 10 drabbles for you here, each of them concentrating on a Nishiura member + bonus or two (It’s a surprise!). I hope you enjoy all of them, and I hope the boys will be as in-character to your liking. Please have lots of fun while reading these!

Again, Merry Christmas! :)

Rating: G Total Word Count: ~9000 WARNING: hint-y abe+mihashi, pre-relationship. not much shipping aside from them

10.

After the loss against Sakitama, Nishihiro had fallen sick. Though he had been substituted in as a game-changer by the 6th inning in place of Mizutani, and he had redeemed himself for getting on base, he could not convince himself he had been able to give it his all. Getting sick right after the game doesn’t help much either. With nothing to do, and all the time in the world in his hands, he cannot stop himself from sinking further into negative thoughts. Like, maybe it would be alright to just… leave the club, especially when he’s this useless. Useless against Sakitama, who they once managed to beat in a called game. Even more so against Bijou-dai Sayama months ago.

He shakes his head violently to chase those thoughts away, the memory of that last at-bat making him shake to the bone.

No, he tells himself. I can contribute better to this team.

With his head pounding, and his eyes falling closed on their own, he lets sleep claim him.

***

Nishihiro feels as if he’s being pulled away from his dreams, he hears murmurs of a bunch of people. Though they’re mere buzz to his ears, he can tell they all sound familiar, and they feel so close, like home. He feels himself floating to the surface of his dreams, rising to be awake but his eyes refusing to open. The light blares even beneath his eyelids.

“Sssh, Tajima. Where in the world have you been?” says that kind, but firm tone of their shortstop. Sakitama wouldn’t have won if Nishihiro had caught the ball Suyama so accurately threw towards him. But it slipped through Nishihiro’s grip.

“There was so much manga in that room down the hallway. I even saw some about baseball. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” Their fifth batter’s voice breaks from excitement.

“You shouldn’t walk around people’s houses so freely.”

Tajima laughs. “Suyama, you sound like Yuuto… But really, we’re talking manga here. Baseball manga!! It’s the coolest!”

Another pair of voices converse, muffled stomps of feet sounding against the floor of his room.

“O-O-O-Oki-kun, I g-got ice from Ni-Nishihiro-kun’s mom.”

“Thanks, Mihashi. Place them into the basin so we can change the towel on his head.”

Right as Nishihiro feels weight come off his forehead, he slowly opens his eyes. He hears a choir of gasps around the room. Silence passing them as he takes a look on each of his guests.

“Y-you guys…” Nishihiro speaks weakly, not so much because of how his body aches, but because of an energy that fills his bones and his chest. His eyes sting, heart feeling warm. He’s never been visited by friends while he was sick before. Before Nishihiro could ask them why they thought of coming, Suyama beats him to the punch.

“Sorry for waking you up.” Nishihiro watches Suyama walk closer to his bed and sits on floor upon his knees. “Everyone wanted to come check on you, but we were afraid of overcrowding your place, so it’s just us. How are you feeling?”

“Better than before I slept, I think.” Nishihiro manages to laugh weakly. He feels weight on his forehead. He looks up to see Oki has placed the cold towel there. They share a moment, smiling at each other like they do sometimes when they’re passing papers to the front in class after a test. A moment of shared relief. He looks sideways to see Mihashi, fidgeting like usua,l but with wide eyes filled with concern for him, and Tajima, looking at him with his wide, relaxed smile.

It feels good. His whole body suddenly feels good. Like he’s been given a power up because his teammates came to visit him. His whole team wanted to visit him.

“That’s good that you’re feeling better.” Suyama nods, dependable big brother smile on his face. “Rest well and drink lots of fluids so you get better faster.”

Nishihiro sees Tajima nudge Mihashi, turning his attention to them.

“Y-yea!” Mihashi chimes in, nodding his head. “Ni-Nishihiro-kun, p-please get better soon. We’re-- All-- We’re-- Everyone-- We’re waiting-- For you. So. Come back.” Mihashi swallows, then tries to catch his breath. “Quickly.”

“That’s right!” Tajima grins. “We’re not a complete team without you after all.”

Nishihiro widens his eyes, surprised at what their once cleanup has said. For Tajima of all people, of all their members to say that-- It weighs a lot in his heart, and further increases his happiness.

“Thank you, guys.” Nishihiro wipes his eye, preventing teardrops in their attempt to escape. “Thank you. After Sakitama’s game-- I-- I really thought...” I really thought you guys would never want me back.

“PLUS BEAM!” Oki shouts. The other four in the room look towards him, and see his arms in a plus sign. “You’re not allowed to say that, Nishihiro. P-PLUS BEAM!”

Nishihiro smiles, his heart beaming with renewed vigor. He feels like he can be 100% better tomorrow, even with the power of his mentality alone. He needs to go back to his team, after all. They’re all waiting for him. He puts his hands in a plus sign. “Plus!”

They’re all waiting for him.

******

9.

It’s funny how quickly days have turned to weeks, to months, to years. Though it just seems like just yesterday when he was tricked by Abe into a Three At-Bat challenge against Mihashi, here they stand, all ten of them, taking in the sights, the smells, the feel.

Koushien’s soil is soft, yet firm beneath his spiked shoes. This is it.

Finally. This is it.

They had placed top above everyone else in their prefecture, beat champion high schools, and finally they earned the chance to stand here, among the best of the best.

“I know,” he starts his speech to his teammates, the original ten. His second family. He has to shout when the chatter of more than 60,000 people in the stands can challenge the buzz of a bee right beside one’s ear. He can see the excitement and fear in all their faces, standing built with power in their arms, legs and torsos. “I know how you’re all feeling. We’ve come so far.”

The crowd cheers wildly, announcements starting. The vibe is immense, but they won’t crumble to this pressure.

“We’re thinking ‘This is it! This is the first of the last few steps towards our goal!’ But let us remember…” He pauses, closing his eyes, preparing the voice in his chest to shout out their ale. He can feel how tightly they cling onto each other, for this first team circle they have against other top teams.

How far will they go? How many more matches are left for them to cheer in this circle until this last year together comes to a close?

He breathes, taken back to the baseball field at home, the cool misty mornings, teammates’ hands warm within his own. He opens his eyes, observes each of his teammates, pride swelling warmly in his chest. They’ve all changed since they were younger. They’re all much stronger now. They’ve come so far. So far.

Then he yells, their usual spell for a good game. “Don’t focus on last time!”

“OH!”

“Don’t focus on the future!”

“OH!”

“Don’t let your guard down!”

“OH!”

“We will play with?”

“PLUS THINKING!”

“NISHIURAAAAAA! FIGHT!”

“OOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!”

******

8.

A slump. This has to be it. Like he’s sinking even though he can see with his two eyes that his feet are solidly planted onto the ground. This is definitely a slump.

It started with their first game for the summer competition of their second year, and continued on to their third game. The opponent teams have been on high guard for Nishiura’s lead-off hitter. He’s established the record of getting on base, and scoring runs far more often than any opponent would desire.

Then again, if it’s put that way, then it isn’t much of a slump at all, he realizes. The teams they play against--they’re all heavily guarded against him, meaning he’s that valuable of a player to his team. But-- But he shouldn’t let himself be caught by their trap, by their strategies, by their adjustments to limit where he can bat. He can’t keep losing to them. There’s got to be a loophole. There has to be. And he has to train his eyes harder to see it, and train his arms so he can swing the bat and take the ball farther than they can imagine.

It’s tough, being trusted to be good, yet not the best. It’s a comfortable space to be, that he has the freedom and flexibility to grow at the rate he wishes. But it’s tough. It’s tough. Seeing how the top two of their team are far from his own capabilities.

“Kou-chan!” Tajima grabs him, an arm hooking over both his shoulders as he pulls Izumi down. Izumi’s grown close to two inches the past year, Tajima’s height is pretty much the same as their first year.

“What?” Izumi asks, normally as he would. He closes his eyes when he sees Tajima’s finger going towards them, but instead of feeling the finger jab his eye, he feels it jab the in-between of his eyebrows.

“You’re thinking too much.” Tajima lets him go and slaps him hard on the butt. It makes Izumi yelp. “You’re losing your cool, Suke-kou~”

Izumi groans. He’s told him countless times to stop twisting his name that way. “Yuu, don’t you dare.”

“Suke-kou’s gonna stay Suke-kou until Suke-kou loosens up.”

“Yuu, I swear--” Izumi dashes off, his words lost to the speed of him running. His feet quickly go one in front of the other to chase Tajima who’s had a fraction of a second headstart. (It’s funny how scared Tajima looked before he started running.) They run, towards the right field, hearing Hanai call out after them but they don’t pay him any mind. Izumi feels this burning need pulsing in his veins to catch Tajima--number one skilled player, quickest feet, running effortlessly enough that he’s laughing while he’s running.

Izumi runs. He runs. He runs. He has to. He has to catch up, otherwise he feels like he’d stay in this slump forever. They run towards the center field, where Izumi manages to outrun him, aiming to trap Tajima rather than grab him, but Tajima manages to stop on his tracks. They reach a draw, Izumi blocking off Tajima’s path wherever he tries to move, but then Tajima manages to trick him with a sidestep, making him able to run towards the bases again.

“Hah, hah~ Can’t catch me, Suke-kou~” Tajima taunts as he runs away towards the third base now.

“You guys, come back here!” Izumi hears Sakaeguchi call out from the distance, but his focus stays on Tajima.

Then for a moment, Izumi feels like his feet feel lighter, and his legs feel smoother. Like he’s a tin man whose joints have been oiled. It’s easier to bring each foot forward, like he leaves fire in his wake at the speed he runs. He runs. He runs. He runs. And just before Tajima manages to step onto the home plate, Izumi grabs him by the back of his uniform, and pulls him back, preventing him from landing the base.

“No!! Let me go!”

“I will not. Just who are you calling Suke-kou, huh? HUH?” Izumi manages to grab the sides of Tajima’s head and noogie him the way Abe used to do to Mihashi.

“Ow, ow, ow, OW! OUCH!! Stop! Stop! Okay! I’ll stop!”

“Hey, you two. Stop horsing around.” Hanai walks over to them. “Tajima, I told you to stop running around so freely. You haven’t even properly warmed up yet.”

“But it was Kou-chan that threatened me. I was running for my dear life, you know! He’s got the intense aura of a monster when he’s angry.” Tajima walks off with Hanai, following him to the bench.

“Then why tick him off in the first place?”

Izumi stays in place, heaving with breath, internalizing what Tajima had just said. His aura? Does he mean his presence? A presence powerful enough that makes even the fearless Tajima cower and run away. It brings pleasing jitters across Izumi’s skin, and a smile on his face.

“Kou-chan,” Mihashi approaches him. Izumi looks to him to see he’s handing him a bottle of water, which he gratefully takes and drinks from. “You’re f-f-feeling better?”

“Ahhh,” Izumi heaves a deep, refreshed sigh as he finishes the contents of the bottle, topping it with a smile. “Yeah, Ren.” He chuckles as ruffles Mihashi’s hair. He walks to the bench where Hanai and Tajima are still (friendly) arguing to refill his bottle.

A presence immense enough to scare even Tajima. Izumi grins again as he refills his bottle with water (not knowing he’s made Tajima flinch, caught by surprise at the sudden intensity coming from him). Maybe he can work with that.

He’s not as tall and capable as Hanai, nor is he small and naturally-gifted with talent as Tajima, but he can have this. He can scare the fielders and pitcher alike with his presence, so they won’t even dare challenge him. Make them cower so that they’ll forget how to deal with him, and give him the loopholes in their defenses that Izumi had been so trained to do.

This could get very interesting.

******

7.

Mizutani stands at the batter’s box, the score at a comfortable 2-0 at the bottom of the third inning. Comfortable--that is, for him, because he thinks his team can totally win against the opponent, but for Momokan who’s looking pretty aggressive as she’s signing at him from the dugout, she’s extremely hungry for more points.

It kind of scares Mizutani, the way she’s glaring, granted Oki had batted an almost clean grounder before him, just that the opponent team’s pitcher was way too good and was able to throw to first faster than Oki could run. (Oki has been putting a bit more of muscle lately. Which makes Mizutani himself realize he should really gear up and take his own efforts to the next level.)

He’s lost in his own thoughts however, that by the time he looks away from Momokan to look at the pitcher and assume the proper batting position he should, his mind goes black.

Uhm.

Uhm.

Uhm.

What did Momokan sign to him again? Was he supposed to bunt? Was he supposed to hit? A grounder? Or let the ball fly? Wait, he’s supposed to look at positions of the batters-- Oh, no! The pitcher threw!!!!

‘I gotta hit it!!’ Mizutani thinks as he swings, his mind full of panic. He misses, of course. He could feel the ball swoosh way over where he swung his bat.

“Strike!”

Mizutani tries to breathe as he adjusts his position, swinging his bat. What is he so nervous for? This is their third game of the season. He’s gotta summon ‘Nice batting’ Mizutani. Come on. Come on.

He looks over at Momokan, her face in a more relaxed vibe, though the glint in her eyes shows: What are you doing? That wasn’t what I told you to do.

Momokan is scary. She always is. She’s terrifying, and it makes him respect her so much. He reads her signs. To wait for this pitch, and watch where the ball goes. Okay. He can manage that.

He does as told, and holds his stance, though he was extremely tempted to swing his bat. Surely enough, the pitch is a “Ball!”, towards the outside.

Alright. Moment of glory coming up. He’ll definitely get on base. He looks over at Momokan, determined to do what she tells him to.

***

“Ahhh, that tired me out, man.” Mizutani sighs when he gets to the dugout. He’d gotten on base during his at-bat, ran to second during Mihashi’s, and now he had just ran home after Izumi hit a double. The score at 3-0 now.

“Nice run!” Sakaeguchi pats him on the back as he changes his glove. The others remain by the railing, shouting out cheers towards Abe.

“Thank you.” Mizutani sighs again.

“What’s wrong?”

Mizutani moves closer to whisper. “Doesn’t it bother you sometimes how detailed Momokan’s signs are?”

“Eh? Not really?” Sakaeguchi replies, his eyebrow raising. “It helps a lot that she’s so specific with her strategies.”

“I agree.” Suyama chimes in, getting ready to go into the next-batter’s box. Mizutani looks at him while he grabs himself a drink. “What she tells me to do really helps me focus on what my role is for that at-bat.“

“Really? Hmmm,” Mizutani crosses his arms, leaning against the railing. “Well, that is true. But don’t you forget sometimes which signs mean what?”

Sakaeguchi laughs softly. “Are you serious?”

“Super serious.”

“Oh.”

“Well, more like I’m mixing some signs from last year with this year. I guess? I don’t know!” Mizutani sobs a little, wiping his face onto his arms. “I’m sorry! It’s really hard!”

”Ahahaha. It’s alright, Fumi.” Sakaeguchi pats him on the back. “Do you want me to go over the signs again with you?”

The sound of a ball hitting the bat clanks. Abe gets to first base. The team cheers together, “NICE BATTING!”

Mizutani takes another gulp of water as he watches Momokan sign to Suyama. “Yes, please. Teach me, Yuuto.”

“Of course.”

Reference: The batting order I thought they went with in this game: Izumi - Abe - Suyama - Hanai - Tajima - Sakaeguchi - Oki - Mizutani - Mihashi. Just in case it got confusing. XD

******

6. (ref)

Before the start of classes on their second year, while the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, the Nishiura boys and Shinooka planned to get together to watch the cherry blossoms in full bloom. Suyama is on his way to their meeting place now, seated on the train, basket of food that he prepared on top of his lap. He hopes his teammates will really like all the food that he prepared. They’re on break from club activities that Saturday to give them rest until club activities start again the following Monday.

He watches the scenery on the other side of the train, barely changing as the train whips past farmlands and wide open areas. He closes his eyes, remembering how different it had been when they were on the train to Koushien, with buildings zooming by. Funny how long ago that already is. It’s been months since they went there as a team. Hopefully, this coming summer, they’ll get to go again. This time, as actual participants of the matches.

Suyama feels the train come to a stop. He doesn’t bother opening his eyes, knowing that his stop won’t be for another five stations.

A surprised “Hm? Suyama?” is what makes him opens his eyes. His eyes refocus for a moment, and after he blinks a few times, he realizes Nishihiro is standing in front of him.

“Nishihiro?”

His teammate nods his head in warm greeting. “May I sit beside you?”

“Of course!” Suyama pats the seat to his left, and lets Nishihiro sit down, watching him put his own basket--half the size Suyama carries--on his lap, too. A few moments pass in silence as the train starts to take up speed again. Suyama turns to Nishihiro to talk. “What a surprise to see you ride the train from there. You don’t live in that area, right? I don’t think we had to ride our bikes this far out when we came to visit you in November.”

“Ah, yeah.” Nishihiro laughs softly. “My mom had me drop off my little sister at our grandma’s.”

“Ooh,” Suyama nods his head. He snickers, teasing. “What a responsible older brother you are. Handling her alone all the way out here.”

“Tell me about it.” Nishihiro sighs, acting tired, but then a warm smile is on his face. “She kept going on and on about getting off at the park a few stations back.” “Right. The one with the big red slide you can see from the train.”

“Yeap. It was hard keeping her from crying. But I’m sure she’ll have fun with grandma. Grandma likes spoiling her.”

Suyama smiles. It’s nice getting to know about his teammates lives outside of baseball like this.

“But wow, Suyama. You sure have a big basket with you today.”

The shortstop smiles, toothy this time. “Sure do. I made a ton of dishes for you guys to eat, so I hope you’ve all got empty stomachs.”

“Whoa! What-- Wow. Really? You made all of that?” Nishihiro’s eyes widen, though when the light from the other side of the train flashes at his eyes he closes them for a moment, then shakes his head. “That’s amazing.”

“Well, my mom helped me out a lot once it was getting too late into the night.”

“But before that?”

Suyama laughs, a little embarrassed he has to admit how much effort he put into these dishes. “I made them by myself, since I got home from practice. That was around 9 o’clock, I guess. She didn’t help me until around 11:30.”

“WOW!” Nishihiro grins wide, like when he catches fly balls. Suyama appreciates the genuineness of it. “That’s seriously amazing. I definitely couldn’t handle cooking that late. And after practice, too!”

“It helps that I just really love cooking. I haven’t had much time to because of practice.”

“Yeah, I can tell from the food you sometimes bring to share with us that you really must love cooking.” Nishihiro nods his head, the compliment making Suyama feel really nice. Like a warm fluff in his chest. “I look forward to eating your food later, Suyama.”

“Good. You better stuff your face with ‘em.” “Of course!”

They laugh for a while, then Suyama points out the basket on Nishihiro’s lap. “Did you make this, too?”

“Oh! Oh, no. Actually, it’s from grandma. I picked it up when I dropped my sister off.”

“I see.”

“I’ll give you the biggest serving, Suyama. In return for always giving us such delicious food.” Nishihiro smiles at him.

“Oh, come on.”

The five stations seem to pass in just a few seconds, now that Suyama’s waiting with someone. When they get to Kawaracho station, where they all agreed to meet up at, most of the members were already there. Only Abe and Oki aren’t there yet. Tajima’s already being rowdy with Mihashi, laughing out loud, with Hanai trying to keep him quiet. It seems the brotherly duo had been driven there by Mihashi’s mom, and Tajima was talking about Mihashi’s funny antics then. Aside from Suyama and Nishihiro, Mihashi and Mizutani were carrying baskets, too. Though by the look of things, it seems that Mizutani’s only carrying the basket Shinooka had brought. The others have coolers, and Sakaeguchi had a huge shopping bag with the blue film they’ll be sitting on.

When the last two members arrive, they walk together towards the park. Though they decided to meet up as early as 8 o’clock, there were barely any spots left where they could sit near the station. They needed to walk a long way, perhaps more than three-quarters of the stretch of cherry blossom trees and rapeseed flowers--a long walk that none of them seemed to mind. They were all busy talking to each other on the way, filling the would-be silence with random stories, new things they learned, and asking for bat swinging tips. None of them could keep quiet, not even Mihashi--who talked excitedly between his stutters.

Once Tajima started running off to an area a few meters away, they realize he’s running to an empty area near the side of the road that should be big enough space for all of them. Half of them followed suit to hurriedly take claim of the area before anyone else could.

“It looks good!” The team says together once they’ve laid down the sheet, and set down the food. “Let’s eat!”

Suyama watches the pleasant smiles on his teammates’ faces as they eat the food he made. He told Nishihiro he was able to stick to cooking so late in the night before simply because he loved cooking, but maybe he had something pushing him a little more than that. Seeing his teammates’ faces--the sparkle in Mihashi’s eyes as he eats the bacon-wrapped vegetables, the loudness of Tajima’s “WOW” when he ate the eggplant stuffed with tomato, Izumi’s wide grin as he compliments Suyama’s take on teriyaki sauce. He could go on and on, noting every smile, every sparkle, and every seldom wince when they find something they don’t like eating in the food (and then the satisfaction that comes right after when they realize they like how Suyama seasoned that disliked food). Suyama’s cheeks dust a little pink when Shinooka tells him he’d make a great husband, knowing of course she doesn’t necessarily mean she wants him to be her husband. But it’s a great deal of a compliment.

With the cherry blossoms floating in the wind, their laughter riding the relaxing sounds of a nearby river, they spend a few hours there--simply enjoying each other’s company, sharing experiences besides baseball, and strengthening their bond to last them even way beyond their high school years.

******

5.

“HANAI!” Tajima shouts out to him on their way up the stairs. The entire team is currently heading to the table tennis room, since they have already rested a bit after dinner. It’ll be a good, light workout for their bodies, said Shigapo.

“What?” Hanai shifts his body to look back once he’s at the top of the stairs. Tajima rushes past his other teammates. (Sakaeguchi calls after him, “Tajima, don’t be too reckless!”) “Whoa, hey, be careful!”

Tajima arrives at the top of the stairs beside Hanai with a grin that goes from cheek to cheek. He grabs Hanai’s arm. “Let’s play together.”

“What? But-- Hey, wait!”

There’s nothing Hanai could say to argue as he’s pulled quickly towards the table tennis room.

“Come on, come on!” Tajima pushes the doors open and rushes to the container where the paddles and balls are kept.

Hanai, who’d been left at the door, holds the door frame to balance himself. It takes up so much energy to be whipped around by a storm like Tajima.

“Here you go.” Tajima hands him a paddle, then rushes over to the farthest table.

Hanai walks after him, taking the opposite side of the table. He watches Tajima practically bounce as he waits for Hanai to take his stance. “You know, Shinooka told Mizutani and me we should be free after dinner. I think she’s going to--”

“It’ll be okay, okay~? She’s still eating with the moms. Which means we should compete for the highest score before she comes up. Come on!” Tajima bounces the ball onto the table, getting ready to serve.

“I really don’t think I should--”

Whoosh. The ball whips past Hanai’s right side. Tajima had served, and it bounced on Hanai’s side of the table before he

Tajima laughs out loud, and grins, his chest puffed out in pride. “Hah, one point for me.”

Hanai looks at the ball that bounced off the wall, now rolling towards the bottom of the table. He should feel cheated that he’d lost a point right when he wasn’t ready, when he hasn’t even summoned his game spirit. However, he finds that he isn’t irritated at all. But there is this certain fire burning in him, that call to compete with Tajima that he can rarely back down from pumping in his veins. “Alright. Fine. You asked for this.”

Tajima watches Hanai’s face shift to a competitive smile, and it makes him grins even wider. That’s right. That’s how Tajima likes Hanai most. When Hanai doesn’t back down, and gives his all--that’s when they can have the most fun together.

“Here it comes.”

They get the ball to go back and forth for quite a few minutes after Hanai serves, and it ends as Tajima’s first point. When they’re tied at 9-9, their rally goes over four minutes.

“Wow, those two have been at it for a while.” Izumi says from the other side of the room.

“Yeah, they’re still on that rally even though Suyama and I have been on, hmm,” Sakaeguchi counts with his fingers. “Three? Rallies?” Suyama laughs light. “Yeah.”

The other pairs stop their own playing to watch the two’s rally. Another minute passes, and they’re still going. “Stay sharp, Hanai!” Izumi teases.

“G-Go, Tajima-kun! Ha-Hanai-kun!” Mihashi cheers.

The rest of the boys start cheering and teasing, and the room grows noisier.

“Hanai-kun? Mizutani-kun?” Shinooka peeks her head into the room before she walks inside and calls for them. She’d just finished eating dinner.

“Oh, Shinooka!” Mizutani waves at her to come closer. They’re all huddled around the table where Hanai and Tajima are still playing. The ball still hasn’t fallen.

At least, not until she’s halfway through the room. That’s when the boys started shouting “OOOOHHH!!!!!!!!” Tajima had Hanai in a corner, relentlessly assaulting him with fast, sharp returns. Hanai can barely keep up, but he’s staying on his toes. It isn’t until Tajima swipes the ball towards the opposite corner where Hanai is, letting it bounce off almost at the edge of the table, that Hanai’s knee makes him tumble to the floor. He was unable to return it. The rally had ended. Point to Tajima.

The rest of the team applauds them for that amazing rally.

“Good game?” Tajima heaves for breath, smiling that ear-to-ear grin of his as he holds out a hand to Hanai. He’s so content. He always has so much fun competing with their captain. He doesn’t even care that he won 10-9. Just the thrill of it makes him so happy.

“Good game.” Hanai takes his hand and shakes it, the other boys dispersing as they talk about their favorite moments from that intense rally. “Next time, I’ll definitely wipe the floor with you.”

Tajima laughs. “Gotta see you try.”

“Hanai-kun!” Shinooka calls out to him. She’s standing by the wall with Mizutani beside her.

“Alright, I’m coming. Let me just get a drink.”

“Okay!”

Tajima watches Hanai walk away, smiling. Still completely content. His attention veers away from Hanai when Sakaeguchi stands opposite to him.

“Had fun?” Sakaeguchi asks him as he picks up the ball from the floor.

Tajima grins at him. Yes, he’s had fun. Yes, he’s still feeling super giddy from that rally. He hopes he can play like that with Hanai again. “Had loads of fun! I won’t back down from you either, Sakaeguchi!”

******

4.

Amidst battling through small-time spring tournaments in their second year, his mother’s death anniversary passed without Sakaeguchi having time to visit her grave. That Friday, before they leave for their Golden Week training, Momokan announced they will end practice early on Saturday, supposedly to give them time for all the packing they need to do for the coming week. The corners of Sakaeguchi’s lips curve a bit upward, happy he can use the time to visit his dearest mother. He was supposed to go on the day they all arranged for a picnic together, but they ended up spending that whole day together, that he found it difficult to excuse himself.

This time, for sure. He’ll go to her.

***

Friday’s practice session ends, the stars shining high above them as they change clothes in the benches.

“Yuuto,” Suyama approaches him, already in his uniform.

Sakaeguchi is in the middle of buttoning up his shirt as he turns to Suyama. “Yeah?”

“Remember we were talking about shopping for new shoes? I was wondering if we could go do that tomorrow, since we’re ending practice early.”

“Ooh, new shoes?” Mizutani chimes in after he’d just pushed his head through his undershirt. He tucks it into his school slacks as he speaks. “I wanna come, too! Mine have been so worn out.”

Suyama smiles toward Mizutani. “It’ll be a nice start to the new year ahead of us. And the training camp will be a great chance to break it in.”

“That’s true. I’m in!!” Mizutani laughs.

“Alright.”

“Actually…” Sakaeguchi finally finds the right timing to cut between them. The two look towards him, a questioning look on their faces. “Sorry, guys. I’ll have to pass.”

A moment passes them. (A moment when Abe’s “Ren, have you eaten the extra onigiri I had Shinooka make? You need the energy to pedal home.” and Mihashi’s excited “Y-Yeah!” echoed loudly through the bench area.)

“Is something wrong?” Suyama asks, his voice laced with concern. “You look a little troubled.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Shouji.” Sakaeguchi smiles as he resumes changing. He places his arms through his school shirt and buttons it up. “I’m really happy you’re inviting me to shop, but tomorrow’s-- Well…” He pauses to breathe. “See, I’m going to visit my mom tomorrow.”

“Oh… Right.” Suyama nods his head, understanding immediately what he meant. Sakaeguchi had mentioned it to him in their first year, how he had lost his mom in spring of his 2nd year in middle school. How whenever the cherry blossoms bloom he remembers her warm smile, the echo of her ‘Welcome home, Yuuto’ no matter how late his practices got, and the delicious picnic food she used to make for them to watch its beautiful petals fall. Most of all, her unfaltering support for him and his love for baseball.

Mizutani looks from Suyama to Sakaeguchi, and back. “Is his mom not at home? Is she at the hospital?”

“No, Fumi. She’s--” He breathes, deep. Sometimes, it’s still hard for him to say it. Strange, when he’s gotten used to going home to just his siblings and his dad. How they’re already well accustomed to housework, taught well by their mother before she left. “She’s already passed away.”

“OH!” Mizutani shouts out loud, alarming the others in the bench. “Oh… S-Sorry. I--I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s alright.” Sakaeguchi smiles, finished dressing up. “It’s okay now. My family and I-- We’re all okay.”

She took care of them so well, they were able to adjust to her absence. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t. But it’s nice to see that though she may be physically absent, she’s embedded in every chore, in every thought, in every conversation between the three of them. She’s still alive within them.

“But yeah, I wasn’t able to go visit her grave on her anniversary, so I thought I’d like to go tomorrow.”

“Why don’t we all go, then?” Suyama suggests, Mizutani smiles wide at him, then excitedly nods his head towards Sakaeguchi.

“Yeah! What do you say, guys?” Mizutani extends the invitation to the rest of the team, explaining to them when they reacted with “What?”s and “What’s happening?”s.

Sakaeguchi feels a pat on his shoulder, and when he looks over, he sees it’s Izumi. “Let’s meet at the gate after school, then we can all ride our bikes to the station, then ride the train from there. Right, Yuuto?”

“Eh? Eh? Really?” Sakaeguchi looks around his team, an overwhelming happiness coming over him. “Is it really alright with you guys? You don’t have to--”

“Of course, it’s alright.” Hanai nods his head. (Tajima yells to him teasingly, “What about your cram school, Azusa~?” “SHUT UP, TAJIMA!”) The captain clears his throat, calming himself from the sudden outburst at Tajima. “We’d all love to go with you and greet your mom. That is, of course, if it’s alright with you and your family.”

Sakaeguchi is left speechless, tears welling in his eyes. “Ye--Yeah. I’d be so honored. I’m sure she’d love to meet you all. Thank you, really. Thanks all of you.”

The team smile at each other, then disperse as they walk to their bikes, bags slung over their shoulders. Mihashi walks beside Sakaeguchi, asking about his mom.

“She must have b-b-been very kind.” Mihashi says, wide-eyed with wonder and his lips curved deep into a smile. “Because-- Yuuto-- You’re a-- a very nice person.”

Sakaeguchi laughs, warmth filling his heart as he ruffles Mihashi’s hair. “Thanks, Ren. That’s really sweet.”

“Uhehe.” Mihashi laughs, blushing deeply at being praised.

The following day, once they’re all at Sakaeguchi’s mother’s humble grave, they stack package over package of mochi before her, each of them having brought one to offer her. Sakaeguchi smiles at her, his hands and eyes closed in prayer.

Because you supported me playing baseball, I found these wonderful friends. Thank you, mom.

******

3.

Clang.

The sound of his bat hitting the ball. It’s clear, loud, and rings in his ears--delicious as success. He watches, mouth agape, as the ball keeps going, going, going and going. For a moment, everything is silent. His breath still. All he can feel is a warmth spreading throughout his body, a certain high incoming.

He can’t hear the cheers of the stands. The cheers of his teammates. If only he would look towards the dugout, he would see his coach looking at him with much pride.

The ball goes, and goes, and goes.

It falls, hits the metal of the scoreboard that’s right above center field.

A homerun.

A homerun.

It’s a homerun.

He remains standing there, in disbelief. Had he been the one to bat that? Is all this for real? Is this a dream?

“KAZU!!!” yells Tajima, who had stood at second base when Oki hit that homerun.

He hit a homerun.

Tajima hugs him tight from when he’s run past third base and came back home, where Oki remains standing, struck with shock.

“KA!!! ZU!!!!” Tajima yells again, shaking him. He slaps his buttocks to snap Oki awake. Oki looks down towards their fifth batter, who’s grinning widely, ear to ear. “Go run and have the crowd cheer for you, damn it!!! That was so cool!”

Tajima slaps his buttocks one more time before he starts running.

Oki jogs to the first base, seeing the Nishiura crowd on the stands doing a huge wave. He jogs to the second base, finally hearing all the loud cheers, “GREAT JOB, OKI!” from the stands and the “NICE BATTING!” from the dugout. He jogs to the third base, seeing the despaired look on the opposite team’s faces. He quickly looks away from them. He looks forward, towards home--he glances left to his team, all wide smiles and loud cheering.

That’s when it hits him.

He hit a homerun.

He helped turn the game around on the bottom of the eighth.

Him. Shy and not as outspoken as the others as he is. He’s built strength in his arms, and swung the bat hundreds of times each day for this.

For this.

When he gets to their dugout, everyone ruffles his hair. Everyone is so happy. Everyone has been filled with renewed hope. Oki mentally pats himself on the back, knowing he did good today.

No.

He did great.

******

2.

Too close.

Way too close.

Abe wonders how is it that the year previous, Mihashi and Kanou clearly knew each other but stayed at the distance of acquaintances, yet now they’re buddy-buddies? Look at Kanou, laughing with Mihashi, calling him “Ren” with his arm over his shoulder, laughing about things Abe is so damn curious to know, but he knows he can’t squeeze himself in and ask. Had those two been that close before things went down at Mihoshi? The mere thought makes Abe’s blood boil.

“Takaya,” Tajima calls out.

Abe immediately turns his head towards Tajima, fire in his eyes, unable to hide the embers of jealousy burning within. “WHAT.”

“You’ll scare Ren off.”

Abe tsks loudly to let off the steam, loud enough for Izumi and a few others a bench away from them to hear.

(“What’s with him?” Suyama asks.

“Ren problems.” Izumi replies.)

***

“100! Alright, that’s it. Nice pitching.” Abe says as he walks up to Mihashi from the bullpen. Mihashi giggles in that unique way of his whenever he gets praised, with his arms waving like jelly. He looks like a jellyfish about to float away, and though if Mihashi had done this in the past, Abe would’ve been irritated, now he finds it quite endearing. “Time to do your counter weight lifting.”

“O-okay!”

They make their way to the benches where they’d set up a similar weightlifting area to that at school. Mihashi positions himself to start lifting the weight with his left hand. ‘Slowly’ he seems to remind himself, as he starts a slow beat.

Abe watches him, making sure his body’s not awkwardly positioned anywhere. Once Mihashi’s around the 50 count, Abe’s thoughts start straying away. It’s quite unlike him to dare think of something else while observing Mihashi, but his mind cannot help wandering back to Mihashi and Kanou being so close. What makes Kanou so special? he wonders. He may have known Mihashi longer, but it’s Abe himself that helped bring out Mihashi’s potential.

The catcher’s eyes seem to burn with his rage, alerting Mihashi--who thought he must be doing something wrong to warrant himself that glare.

“It’s nothing! Don’t worry about it.” Abe says, harsher than he intended. “Keep going.”

“Oh! O-o-okay.” Mihashi nods, and continues on.

Abe groans. He tries to shift his focus back onto Mihashi lifting. 70. 71. 72. Kanou’s arm over Mihashi’s shoulders. 75. 76. 77. 7… How nice would it feel if Abe puts his arm over Mihashi’s shoulder?

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” Abe shouts out loud, utterly embarrassed by the image he created in his head. How utterly warm his chest felt, and how his stomach tossed and turned pleasantly. Mihashi yelps at the sudden noise, incredibly alarmed.

“Ah, s--sorry. Sorry, Ren.” Abe apologizes to Mihashi, but he keeps his eyes away from him.

“I-I-It’s okay.” Mihashi says, though his eyes seem to still be spinning in circles. “A-a-are you okay?”

Not really. “Yeah.”

“Okay!” Mihashi nods his head again, and continues. 80. 81. 82. 83. 84. 85.

“Hey, Ren.”

“Y-Yes?”

“You still haven’t called me by my name.”

Mihashi stops his weight lifting with a shudder. And then silence follows.

Abe shifts his weight onto his other leg, bringing his hand up to his hip. He waits, and waits, and waits. He watches Mihashi struggle, mumbling to himself, seeming like he’s wondering if he should say his name now or not. And if Mihashi is about to say his name, Mihashi surely looks like he’s having a difficult time with it.

Why? When it’s so easy for him to call Kanou by his name?

The catcher tsks loudly before sighing. “Never mind. You’re at 85 lifts. Keep going. Slowly, alright?”

“O-okay…” Mihashi continues lifting. 86. 87. 88. And his mouth keeps flapping open as if to say “Ta”.

Abe tries to keep his excitement to himself. When Mihashi finishes 100 lifts, he doesn’t bring up the name topic again.

***

“Takaya,” rings in his ears, sweeter than any candy that’s ever melted in his mouth.

They’re at dinner now, and they’re seated next to each other. The chatter of the rest of the team fills the room, yet he heard it so clearly, as if Mihashi said it directly into his ear.

Mihashi had said, “Ta-Ta-Takaya, can you-- passmethesoysauce?” The latter of which softened to a mumble Abe couldn’t even hear.

All that registered in Abe’s mind was “Takaya”, and how clear he said it, even though it was after Mihashi stuttered. He’d never thought he could be so moved by someone saying his name.

“Say it again.” He requests, not realizing it’s quite an awkward thing to ask.

“S-Say? Ag--again. Uhm, uh,” Mihashi fumbles with his chopsticks. A bad habit, but Abe adores it nevertheless. “Ta-Takaya, can you pass me-- pass me the soy sauce?” Mihashi wheezes from the sheer effort of saying that without blushing too hard. “P-p-please?”

Abe grins wide, and passes him the soy sauce as requested. “Here you go. Ren.”

Mihashi takes the bottle from him, their fingers brushing a tad bit, and at that moment they both shiver, having felt an electric current run through their veins at the small contact. They both turn their heads away, and don’t look at each other for the rest of dinner, eating their meals silently as the room gets louder. Tajima joking around with Mizutani.

Takaya looks so happy. thinks Sakaeguchi, who sits across them and saw the whole thing happen. He eats his meal watching them, happy his teammates are taking forward steps, no matter how small.

******

1.

On the New Year of his first year in high school, Mihashi and his family drove to Gunma. It was a long drive, granted many other people were on their way home to their respective provinces, too. Mihashi had planned to be asleep for most of the time they were stuck in traffic, but he was greatly distracted by his phone, and the person on the other line, sending him replies quickly after he himself has responded.

His heart beats quickly with every vibration of his phone, a notification of yet another new message. Strange how he used to feel this quick heartbeat out of fear before, but now it is all good.

Sweet. Fuzzy. Ties his stomach in nice-feeling knots.

Very good.

He flips his phone open, clicking the right buttons to open the new mail that came in from “Abe Takaya”. He reads, not expecting his heart to sink.

/Sorry, Ren. Mom’s nagging me to help out. I’ll be back soon, I think. Let me know when you get to your relatives’. Ttyl./

Mihashi blinks at his phone, wondering if he should reply. He said talk to you later, which means… they’ll start the back and forth of messages again later. Later. Not now. If Mihashi sends a message now, will that mean Abe will assume he’s already at Gunma? If so, he shouldn’t send a text. But-- But Mihashi wants to reply. Mihashi wants Abe to know he’s read the message and he understands. Say “Okay. I got it. Talk to you later.”

He types that message in, and then his thumb hovers over the Send button as he mulls over it again. Should he send it? Not send it? He’s already typed the message, so he should send it. But what if he’s bothering Abe. No. No. He never bothers Abe. He knows Abe always has the best intentions for him--baseball or not. He knows Abe will understand his intention behind his reply, that he simply wants to clear up that he understood the message. But then again, Abe probably can’t read his reply because his hands are full.

But--

But--

So many buts. Mihashi still feels anxious. He wants to reply. He needs to reply. He still wants to talk to Abe. More and more and more and more and more.

The phone vibrates again.

/Ren. Just in case you’re freaking out, Which I hope you’re not, but just in case. It’s fine if you just reply later. I’ll leave my phone for a while, so I can’t check it anyway. I’ll text you when I’m back. But whether I’m back or not, text me when you’re at Gunma. Take care. Talk to you later./

Mihashi slams himself, face-first onto the free backseat space to his left, surprising both his parents who sit in front.

“Ren? Are you okay?” Mihashi’s mother asks him, concerned. She looks over her shoulder, as she’s seated in the passenger seat. She had driven in the first half of their trip, so now his father is driving. “What’s gotten into you? Are you feeling dizzy?”

“I--I’m okay…” Mihashi replies weakly, almost out of breath. He’s glad he dug his face into the seat, otherwise his mother would see how red his face is (granted he can feel how his cheeks are so warm), and would bombard him with questions.

“Are you sure? Do you need water? There’re a few bottles in the cooler at the back. Should we stop to get them out of the--”

“It’s okay, mom. I just-- I think I’ll go sleep.”

“Alright.”

“Sleep well, Ren.” His father says with laughter strewn into his voice. “We still have around an hour and a half to go.”

Mihashi nods, though his father doesn’t see. He keeps his face buried against the seat, still feeling his cheeks are warm. His chest feels so full. He feels like he’s going to explode from how happy he is. Abe really does know him, and Abe really does understand him so well now. He’s so happy.

He’s so happy. He’s so happy. He’s so happy he can’t quite explain it well.

Months later, when the two of them talk over these feelings that have continuously grew within them, Mihashi will understand. But for now, for now, he hums to the tunes on the radio. New love songs he’s never heard of before, but the rhythm jives with the movement of his heart so he hums.

He hums until he does fall asleep, waking up to a few texts from Abe that make him feel the full warmth in his chest all over again.

******

Bonus:

Kanou and Ruri, who sit on either side of Mihashi over dinner, exchange glances as they see Mihashi pick up his phone and happily type for at least the twentieth time since the first plate of food had been placed on the table.

‘Girlfriend?’ Kanou mouths to Ruri with an eyebrow raised in question.

Ruri overly shrugs her shoulders and winces. An exaggerated ‘I don’t know’. She’s not allowing her favorite cousin to have a girl in his life to have priority over her. Not just yet.

“Ren-ren,” she calls to him. For the fifth time since dessert has been served. No response.

Kanou snickers at her failed attempt, making Ruri huff.

“Ren-ren,” she attempts again, this time bumping her shoulder on his. This makes Mihashi look up, surprised, looking left then right and both ways again before quickly typing on his phone then putting it away.

“Y-yes, Ruri?”

She pouts at him. “Who is it that you’re texting?”

“EH!?” Mihashi almost shouts, but manages to keep his volume down low. “W-wa-w-wa-was-was it obvious?”

Kanou laughs a little louder this time, but not enough to go over the chatter of the adults. He wiggles his eyebrows when Mihashi looks over at him. “Was it obvious that you were texting someone special? Pretty much.”

“Spe!!!!!!!!!” Mihashi straightens his back, sitting up right now, looking alert. “Spe--special?? N--no. A-are they? It w-was just--”

“Just?” Ruri and Kanou say together, leaning forward to gaze at Mihashi from the front.

He looks away, shying from their gaze, with added attempt to raise his arms and hide his face. “Ta-Takaya… kun.”

A moment of silence passes the two of them. A moment to ponder “Who in the world is that?”

“A classmate?” Kanou asks.

Mihashi shakes his head violently as if to defend himself. “N-no! He’s the-- the catcher.”

“Ooh, so Nishiura’s catcher’s name is Takaya-kun.” Ruri nods her head. She’s smiling now, relieved she’s still her cousin’s #1 girl. “Wow, Ren-ren. I didn’t know your team’s already on first-name basis. Must be nice.”

“Yeah, you got us beat.” Kanou leans onto Mihashi, putting an arm over his shoulder. “We’ve already been together for more than three years, yet we all still call each other by surnames.”

“B-but you’re Shuu-chan.”

Kanou chuckles, happy to hear him call him that again. “Yeah, but remember? You were calling me ‘Kanou-kun’ for a while, Ren.”

“O-oh! R-right.” Mihashi nods his head. “I’m sorry…” “Oh, come on. You’ve got no reason to be.” Kanou pats his back twice. His attention gets stolen by his mother for a while, telling him they should be going home soon. “Hey, Ren. Can you walk me out?”

“S-sure!” Mihashi stands up with him and starts heading out of the dining room.

“What about me?” Ruri whines, trying to stand up, too.

Kanou looks over his shoulder, letting Mihashi pass first. “You stay, there, we got baseball stuff to talk about.”

“I play softball, you know!”

They make their way out of the dining room and into the hall where it’s more silent.

“Sh-Shuu-chan,” Mihashi starts the conversation first as they make their way to the front door. “Th-thank you for coming.”

“Of course. Not like my mom’s gonna go without dragging me along with her.” Kanou laughs, making Mihashi laugh softly, too. They stop at the entrance, giving time for Kanou to change from house slippers to his sneakers. “It’s really nice seeing you, Ren. You...” He stops, trying to find the words to say, trying to soften them enough so he himself won’t cry. It had been months since it last bothered him, but it really hurts to see Mihashi, his once best friend, move on with another team. But it’s the best for Mihashi, so he gathers up energy for a huge, wide smile and looks up at him. “You seem much happier now.”

Mihashi smiles back at him, wide, toothy, just like he used to. Before Mihoshi. No, even better and much happier than then. “I--I am happy.”

Kanou grits his teeth. The tears still threaten to push through his eyes, but no longer out of bitterness. He’s so, so happy for his dear friend. So happy. He stands up, finished tying his shoelaces. He slams his hand onto Mihashi’s shoulder. “Let’s both do our best, okay!? We gotta see each other at Koushien.”

Mihashi nods his head, that bright smile never leaving his lips. “Yeah!”

“But before then, see you at Golden Week camp!”

******

Bonus 2: (One extra surprise!)

The Nishiura boys are out swimming at the school’s pool for added training, the lifeguard listening to sports updates on the radio. Hanai wasn’t particularly listening in, but when the crowd suddenly cheered so loud from the radio, he had to stop midlength of the pool to hear what was happening.

“An incredible save from Karasuno’s Ennoshita! Did you see that? Running far out of bounds and returning it for their setter to reach, and then that glorious save by the new ace, Tanaka. Got to hand it to that Ennoshita. He’s really holding his ground as the team’s new captain.” says the commentator.

Hanai waves his arms in the pool to keep himself afloat in the water. It’s not just him, or fellow baseball captains out there that are trying to support their team with all their might. Even captains of other sports do, too. Doing splendid plays like that, to boost the team’s morale. It’s amazing how the word ‘captain’ can unify different sports together.

Hanai nods his head with renewed fervor. He’s going to help his team keep their spirits up this upcoming tournament, too.

******

End Notes: I hope you don’t mind (and that it isn’t too cheesy) that I added an Ennoshita mention. While stalking your tumblr, I realized how much you love him. So I thought it would be a treat to sneak him in.

Thanks for reading this far! I hope you enjoyed all of these. :)  Merry Christmas! ^^

[tumblunni]

10 facts about trixie!

Oh wow, totally forgot I got this meme earlier this month??I’m sorry, buddy!

10 Trixie Facts:

* The protagonist adopted her, and they’d only been together for about three or four years before the zombie apocolypse started. But they’re absolutely, utterly a fire-forged bond that can never be broken. Mum spent like a decade trying to adopt a child, every time Trixie doubts that she’s really wanted her mother has a whole cabinet full of paperwork proving otherwise! And Trixie doubts so much because she was a ‘multiple offender’ at the foster home, she was almost adopted several times but all the people before Ms Boyd always returned her before even a year had passed. She was considered a problem case and so she became one, she became a cynical mess who never even tried anymore. But somehow this lady just would not give up on her no matter how much she tried to chase her away, and now she’s finally got the first stable home in her lifetime, and her first experience of a good parent......whiiiiich ended up being a problem, because Mum Boyd’s excessive optimism has led to keeping her daughter’s zombie around and pretending like nothing has happened. Trixie never predicted the full extent of her mother’s dedication on that day she asked “please never give up on me”.* At the start of the game, zombified Trixie’s awareness of this weird tall person who follows her around is pretty much a constant doubt emoji. So probably I’m gonna mix it up with occasional comedic interludes from her perspective, to break up all tha sad. Plus also to make it clear that this zombies do actually have some degree of a soul, and this isn’t just a story there’s no point in reading cos its guaranteed to have a bad ending.ANYWAY WHERE WAS IThe only part of herself she initially retained (aside from adorable grumpyness) was just this weird voice in the back of her head saying “Don’t eat this one.” And she’s pretty frustrated that it doesn’t even have the decency to run away like the others!She doesnt really know that she’s forgotten anything, so she’s been like

“Why is it here. What is happening. Its shaped like a thing but it isn’t. Why won’t it go away.”Just a wild haze of comparing this thing’s behaviours VS every other human, seriously where is the correlation, what is wrong with this “mum” and how do you define a “mum”. Is it like some sort of elite human superweapon??And even the heartfelt moments are totally ruined when you see inside Trixie’s head and she’s just like “WHY IT TOUCH ME”. Just slow zoom in on her terrified face mid-hug and the meme calculations fly across the screen..

* Eventually the conclusion she comes to is “It can’t be a food, it has to be another zombie.”When she first started trusting her mother again, it was from the perspective of a fellow predator, essentially. I mean, we have this nest here and we go hunting and scavenging together, right? We have those great bonding experiences like when we fought all those “bandit”! But this thing never seems to eat anything, and its weirdly obsessed with stuff that doesn’t matter, like these “money” that hurt my teeth.Conclusion: This is just a stupid zombie that needs my help to learn how to zombie.So she’s like a patronizing but affectionate tough love mentor to the Stupid Tall One, and sometimes she humours her and does the weird thing where you grab but do not eat each other. And I mean.. its a pretty sweet deal! It may be stupid but it’s tall! And it has a stick that goes boom! All i have to do in return is wear these weird itchy wool skins on top of my skin and not eat the other tall stupid things. It must be saving those for later.

* Aaaa I kinda have stopped doing Facts and its more like I’m just explaining the character’s story

* What number even is this

* OKAY ACTUALLY A TRIVIA FACT:Trixie has a weird fascination with those shampoo bottles shaped like fishes.Or I might make up a new original equivelant to avoid copyright issues, lol. Some sort of animal-shaped packaging with a collectable aspect! I thought it would be a fun thing you could find in the game. This ruined post-apocolyptic world and you’re trying to assemble the full set just to see your kid smile again, even if only for a moment. Surprisingly sad moments from shampoo fish!Tho cos Trixie is so grumpy and cynical she’s a bit embarassed about this silly hobby and tries to deny it at every turn. Just like *ASBSOLUTE BEAMING KAWAII EYES* “I hate it. I hate it so much it must sit on this shelf so I can hate it forever.”I was thinking maybe even they could kinda fullfill a small purpose as a mini portable garden? You’d modify them into small plantpots and could grow some minor herbs and flowers that you can carry around in your backpack. Just a nice way to make things feel a bit more normal, which is kinda necessary to our protagonist mom’s mental health. optimism meter or somethin?

* She likes her hat a lot. I probably need to figure out how to draw it looking more beaten up and less matching with the rest of her outfit, its meant to be one of the few things she kept when she was just a regular roaming zombie. It was like the first sign her mum had that she did at least remember something of her old life.Oh, and her mum likes collecting different badges to put on it. It started off as kinda similar to putting a bell on a cat so you know when its trying to escape, but now Trixie’s grown to like this strange human invention of the jangly forehead noise. She’s learned to take it off when the two of them are doing stealth operations, and even use it as a distraction to misdirect the enemy. Or to get away from the Tall Stupid One for a moment. Seriously what a dope, this ‘mum’ actually thinks its got me trapped! (Though the mittens are far harder to outsmart, who invented this evil hand covering?)

* Gameplay-wise, i think Trixie would be like a powerful speedster compared to other zombies. Kids surviving the infection isnt very common, and they usually die off quickly. They’re obviously not as strong as normal ones and theyre not exactly gonna get any stronger. But her advantage is that she’s more mobile because there’s kinda less complex machinery to animate, yknow? She’s got more speed and she’s smaller than pretty much every other enemy on both sides of this conflict, she can rush in with a kind of stealth and dexterity nobody expected zombies to possess.And the condition progresses faster in younger hosts, so the more supernatural side of her abilities is already manifesting early on. Her conciousness isnt really coherant enough to learn how to use it though, at the start its just like randomized limit break type bursts of shadow energy.Though, I mean, this doesn’t mean that she isn’t a physical attacker. She’s just more like long strings of multiple-hit combos, getting the same result even with her much lower attack stats. And still, even a weak zombie is stronger than the strongest human, aka the mum. mum is like a super survival hulk who can lift a damn sofa over her head, but that doesnt really help when fighting zombs so she’s usually a ranged gunner instead. I feel like its gonna work in a kind of elemental triangle with like.. human ranged/’tech attacks’ are effective against zombies, and melee isnt, but then zombie melee is super powerful and they arent able to compete with humans when it comes to ranged strategy. And then when the enemy is human vs human, you have a lot more trouble doing complex gunfighting, and your melee can actually compete against each other. or something. i’ll figure out whatever works best!

* Oh, but I think trixie also has more tech attacks than other zombies, because her personality as a human was very cynical and always prepared for anything. But she’d start off with no techs and only develop them as she regains her memories.One cute idea I had was her being able to turn soda cans and mentos into distraction grenades, and then like one out of ten attacks actually deals damage instead. Cos when you’ve got everyone frustrated dodging your exploding cans, they dont expect just a full can of tuna to bean them in the forehead XD

* I haven’t fully developed the circumstances of how she got infected, but I think it’s something where both her and her mom blame themselves for it. Like, maybe it was a confrontation with bandits or something, and Trixie did something reckless that led to them getting caught? But then Mum is like ‘oh god I failed to proect you’ and blames herself for her naive shonen protagonist optimism causing her to fall for some sort of trick, and then Trixie got bitten while saving her from it. So really they both messed up, its just tragic that only one of them lived to learn from it...

* Oh and for Maximum Tragedy, I don’t think it was even a fatal wound. It was probably like just a really small scratch and Mum kept trying to reassure Trixie that it would be fine, sinking into delusion while her poor 11 year old kid is the one who realized she was gonna die and was the only one willing to do something about it. So she had to suffer slowly fading away from illness over the next week, being TERRIFIED that her mum was refusing to let her go, and any second now she could become a zombie and kill her while she wouldnt even try to defend herself. So in the end, while Mum was all sitting in the corner all “ha.. ha... its just an ordinary cold... gotta stay positive”, Trixie packed a small bag of personal effects and ran away into the night, to find a place to die alone.in the end though, she left it too late and couldnt make it very far. Her last memory as she lay there dying was seeing the silhouette of her mother appearing on the horizon and knowing she’d failed to protect her :(

* Fun fact: no failure of protection actually happened, the two of them are both still around one year later, and if this writer has any say in it then I’m gonna find some damn way to write a happy ending.>:(

[renwritesstuff]

ren beat me:a

TIME TO HEAR REN’S HOT SPORTS OPINIONS ON IT. Of which there are many. Also gifs.

I generally like to explain my history with a game series first (if applicable), because obviously that can shape my perspective of a game. 

I started the Mass Effect series way back with ME1. I’d heard of it and the second I saw my friend play it, I knew I had to have it. I saved my first-job moneys and plunked down my entire tax refund for 2008 on a shiny new Xbox 360 and ME1 (plus Orange Box and Assassin’s Creed). I was entranced by the graphics and the story, and grew quickly obsessed by the time ME2 rolled out. ME2 blew my mind even more, and I must have beat that game 7-8 times with a bunch of different Shepards. ME3 I didn’t obsess about to the same extent, but I did beat it at least twice on my two favorite Shepards/LIs. ME3 was such a strong mood piece and evoked such a different, somber emotion from me, that it was mentally draining to play. I still loved it, and the Citadel DLC cherry on top is one of my all-time favorite set pieces.

So. Mass Effect: Andromeda.

Did I like it? Yes.

Do I recommend it? Yes.

Does it have its flaws? Absolutely.

Let’s get flaws out of the way. This game was buggy. Not oppressively buggy, but inconveniently so. I played on Xbox One (like an idiot. REKINDLE THE XBOX 360 WONDER ...and not be able to play MP with anyone because everyone was on PS4 or PC. Genius).

Here is a list of bugs I got:

Architect on Elaaden: unable to complete. Refused to trigger

More than once: a companion character died (like they do), but I would be unable to rez them. No prompt, no waking up when the encounter ended. I would go back to the Tempest, still a red arrow. They would be dead on the Tempest. I would go back down to the planet: still dead and unable to leave my party. In addition, on the Tempest, my OTHER companion would still be following me. So I had 2 Peebees or 2 Dracks at one point, while poor Vetra was Dead Forever.

Said Dead Forever Glitch occurred when I had almost beaten a particularly difficult boss which required many waves of things to overcome.

The game liked to freeze randomly. Full system lockup. Autosave was generous so I rarely missed more than a few minutes, but several bugs required a mission or two rollback.

I didn’t play MP, but I did throw my drones at the APEX missions for free credits and shit. About 1/3 of the time, the servers were offline and I couldn’t access it, and I would forget and not touch it for 2 days.

The Elaaden vault almost made me quit, it was just that frustrating. 

I’m a smart cookie, and I dunno what the rest of the world’s problem is, but I fucking LOVE environmental puzzles. And it is saying something, that someone who loves environmental FIGURE IT OUT puzzles as much as I do, that I was so frustrated with Elaaden Vault’s setup and lack of context clues.

There was a point where you fight two Nullifiers and a Destroyer in one go. This fight is what almost broke me. I died at least 10 times. This fight had uneven terrain, so there was an upper and lower level, as well as an area behind it that was carved rock. If you venture to the upper or lower portion: the fight resets. If one of your teammates (say CORA OVER AND OVER AGAIN) is knocked off the edge and you need to revive them: the fight resets. If one of your teammates stays dead and forces you to restart the vault: my brain resets.

The fact that I remember these instances, when my memory is generally pretty shitty, is an issue.

Now, I went back and rewatched some videos from the ME Trilogy. Those games? I love the shit out of them, but there is some BAD dialogue over 3 games (as a Shepley fan at least 1/3 Ashley’s dialogue, especially in ME3, irritates me to no end). But even so, I forgive it because I enjoyed the characters so much. MEA had much more noticeable bad dialogue right out of the gate, which is unfortunate. It gets a lot stronger as the game progresses, but cringing right at the beginning is hard to overcome.

My husband’s complaint from watching me (he started his own game on Insanity and hasn’t recruited Peebee or Drack yet), is that there’s no obvious category for each. No Tali the tech specialist or Ashley the soldier or Liara the biotic. He didn’t like that everyone was a hybrid class. I didn’t mind so much, as I assume the expectation was to grab the characters you LIKED instead of the ones who PERFECTLY BALANCED your class, which is expected to be a hybrid anyway. However: VETRA. WHY DON’T YOU STAY ALIVE, VETRA? I had to kick Vetra out of my ground team because she was bafflingly squishy. Peebee doesn’t even wear armor and she’s hardier than the turian with the assault rifle.  

And the fault I’ll touch on that everyone has already brought up a million times is there is a definite sense that nothing I did really mattered. There was rarely an instance of express consequences to anything. Even things that seemed major, that seemed like “Hey, this would damage the relationship I have with this character” ...it didn’t. A character would be pissy for two lines of dialogue, and be back to normal. With no lingering indication that I could expect future issues because of this choice. Where’s my Mass Effect 3 genophage cure sabotage or geth versus quarian conundrum? I also have no idea what I gained for having earned everyone’s loyalty in my crew (or if that was possible to fail by not doing what they expressed they wanted? I DON’T KNOW). 

Relating to that is my personal quibble with the game in it felt extremely muddled. I love games with a straightforward premise. I could not spoil the end of MEA for you because I honestly barely understood what happened. I don’t understand why things were happening, and several characters (Liam, Suvi and Drack) had very strange, unclear motivations to me. 

So now the good parts of MEA!

I enjoyed playing this game. It reminded me of Mass Effect 1, when you were a young, naive idiot trying to figure shit out. Like drive up mountains or break into hideouts. It was just Fun. 

I never felt burdened by the combat. You remember playing Dragon Age 2 when you knew there were 3 waves of Shit coming, right? Enemies in MEA hit just hard enough and are just mobile enough to keep me on my toes, but not burden me with tedium. I’m a sniper, and the punch of my Black Widow rifle is incredibly satisfying. I even ratcheted up the difficulty from Normal to Hardcore because I wanted a bigger challenge, and I NEVER EVER do that. I was having just that much fun that I wanted to earn it a little more.

I liked that my Ryder could be a dork, or a cooler-headed professional. I loved my laid-back, easygoing Ryder, and I liked seeing his little Tempest family learn to trust him. I liked that he had to earn his respect through action. It made those heroic moments feel a little more magical, and I actually really liked that he was just as impressed with everything as I was. Sometimes I’d make some smartass remark, and a second later my Ryder would echo that sentiment. It made me laugh more than once.

I liked the Tempest family. I think they did a good job overall with your crew. 

Cora: My ground team #1. She kept the heat off my sniper like a BOSS. Plus she was hardy as all get-out. I really liked her character development over the game, too. I very much identified with her fish-out-of-water search for answers in things she knows, and being hurt that she was pushed aside as Pathfinder for a Ryder child. I think that could have been emphasized more, but overall her character arc was satisfying to me. Big fan.

Liam: Decent squadmate, decent bro. His characterization was extremely muddled to me. He could be easygoing one minute and bafflingly dickish the next. His one-on-one chats with Ryder were solid, but in the Mako with everyone else (except Jaal), he was weirdly scathing. When he dug into Vetra and Peebee I wanted to punch him in the face. I liked the movie night, and that he was a movie nerd. He wasn’t as good in combat as Cora, so I stopped taking him along for the serious missions.

Drack: Oh space grampa. You lovable grouch. I love that he was a surly curmudgeon and yet got along with everyone. I was disappointed in what should have been a relationship breaker of a story choice, he was angry for one exchange then back to normal. I was also confused by his motives for joining my crew. His was the weakest recruitment, as he talked a LOT of shit and then jumped aboard two encounters later. What? Why?

Vetra: Awesome character, terrible combat partner. I don’t know what it is, but I cannot keep Vetra Nyx alive. I suspect she is a better fit for a more aggressive build to lay down cover fire, but as MY cover fire: she was too squishy. I really like her character arc, though hers took way too long to get going. She was basically the Tali of MEA: shows up promising, disappears, then 2/3 of the way through the game she reappears in a blaze of glory. I headcanon my Ethan Ryder’s sister falls for her hard :) (My best friend’s Sara romanced her, too. She loves them turians)

Peebee: She was my Ethan Ryder’s love interest. It was a tough choice between her or Cora, but I felt like Peebee matched my Ryder’s laid-back, tech specialist personality better. That said, I loved that Peebee was a cagey, commitment-phobic asari who thinks asari do some stupid shit. I liked her silly quips and meandering thoughts. I liked that we got to see her learn to care about people other than herself, and we did that by earning her trust (and she ours). I liked that she befriends Vetra to be the terrible influence that Vetra never got. I’m still confused about where Peebee’s Remnant expertise comes from, or what her actual goal is. Though it’s weird: being muddled actually works in favor of Peebee’s character.

Jaal: Oh, that sweet cat-man. Awesome voice, big heart. His combat prowess was hit or miss, but he complemented Cora’s attack style well, so he and Peebee were my interchangeable #2 squadmates. I think they did a great job throwing Jaal in for a new species learning curve, as both student and teacher for the Tempest crew. While I find the Angara storyline awfully parallel to the Collectors (or Asari) from ME2/3, I did really enjoy the first contact aspect that Jaal added to the game. His loyalty mission was among my favorite.

Gil: I should be predisposed to like Gil as he reminds me a great deal of Alistair from DAO. But his bickering with Kallo really grated on me. I definitely got the frenetic genius vibe, though I am skeptical that one person can do every possible repair on the Tempest without any assistance. Gil and Vetra were one of the few people who came to Andromeda with someone, so I did really like that he and Jill were pioneers together. It made me feel like a world did exist outside of my little spaceship.

Kallo: I really liked the salarian pilot, though Joker’s boots are almost as hard to fill as Shepard’s. His character development was incredibly uneven, and he rarely had anything to say. Dammit man, I wanted you to gossip after every story mission! I loved his gossip. But outside of Gil and one little mission, Kallo got no other screentime. 

Suvi: Now, considering my devotion to Samantha Traynor, Suvi should have been a slam dunk for a favorite. Plus I really like Cait from Fallout 4, the Voice Actor’s other character. But Suvi annoyed me for a weird reason: I did not understand what the fuck she did all day. “Science Officer.” “Making discoveries.” Other than her telling me about probes or stuff on the galaxy map, it felt like her presence on board the Tempest was little more than Not SAM. 

Lexi: I don’t know why, but I kind of found it oddly charming that not everyone on the ship liked Lexi (including Lexi herself). I liked her learning to be the Mother Hen that Chakwas was, plus the delicious irony of a 275-year-old asari being inexperienced about something. It felt like she talked the most of the non-combat crew, both over the comms and to other characters (compared to Suvi, Gil or Kallo). 

Reyes: I think I’m one of the few on tumblr not entranced by Reyes Vidal. Not throwing hate at his fans, his is just not a personality I care for. Personal preference. I’ve never liked smarmy, arrogant confidence. I was reluctant to take his side. 

I enjoyed the game. It evoked a sense of wonder and adventure. I think MEA2 has the potential to build on the missteps like ME2 did, and make something really wonderful. Especially with characters we’re starting to know and enjoy. 

[mystarmyangel]

[TRANS] YoonA – Dazed Korea Issue #106 – Interview (Full)

MY FUNNY VALENTINE

YoonA: “Valentine’s Day is just a day to eat chocolate”

Q: Recently your drama wrapped up amidst positive reviews, as an actress, what are your thoughts when you received praises like “It is a rediscovery of YoonA”? A: Personally for me, it is a drama that has leaves deep meanings, ‘Anna’ this role is a very different one compared to my previous roles, so I really wanted to give it a try. Thanks to this role, I managed to earn such compliments, I felt thankful and happy at the same time. As compared to the past, it seem there are more people who are paying attention to my acting. I guess it is due to me working with many outstanding actors, I received many energy from this project, and filming was enjoyable too.

Q: The chemistry between you and Song Yoona are pretty good, others are saying that ‘the Yoonas acting are both really good’ A: I am flattered, unnie’s acting is much better than me.

Q: In the drama, you left a deep impression when you sang a song of praise with your graceful voice in the church. This scene fully displayed the merit of YoonA as a singer and as an actress. A: Thank you, to me this is also the scene that leaves me with a deep impression too.

Q: I heard that you are going to film a new drama soon, I am curious on how you came about picking ‘The King Loves’ as your next project A: In actual fact, this project was already in discussion even before I was casted in ‘The K2’. The original novel is very interesting so that’s why I decided to participate in it. My schedule has been pretty packed recently, although I do not have much preparation time but I am still very excited and looking forward to it.

Q: ‘The King Loves’ is a sageuk drama, it is also your first time challenging a sageuk drama, do you feel burdened over it? A: Although I have shoot a period drama in China previously, it is my first domestically, so it can be considered my first time officially taking up a sageuk drama. In actual fact, I feel more burdened over the dialogues’ pronunciation for sageuk drama. However after several times of script reading with the director and actors, the burdened feeling is gone. It is because nowadays sageuk and modern dramas are similar, the lines are expressed with less restriction, it seem like I over-worried. However I am still working hard to deliver my lines more naturally.

Q: You will be acting along with Im Siwan and Hong Jong Hyun. As the ‘Scarett O’hara’ of Goryeo, revolving around 2 men and ultimately walking towards tragedy, what kind of role is Wang San? A: I think that is a new image (of me) that has never been seen before. Compared to my previous roles, this role is one who is most independent-minded but lack of feminine charms. Her strong mentality doesn’t pale in comparison to men.

Q: YoonA is the epitome of a woman by nature, is the personality (of the role) a big contrast to your personality? A: The things she like and the emotions part are still like a woman, but to be honest my own personality isn’t the feminine type either, I prefer easy-going and comfort more.

Q: I was also thinking about it during the shoot today, is this the ability of 10 years of debut. You are completely different from the usual frail image, you have a very strong aura. A: Wow, I always want to hear such praises, I want to show a stronger aura!

Q: You are really the classic example of being soft on the outside, but tough inside. Also, movie ‘Confidential Assignment’ is about to be released, congrats on your big screen debut. A: Just nice it is going to be showing in my blank period after ‘The K2’ and before ‘The King Loves’, so I am quite happy about it. As it is my first movie, I do not have a major part in it. But precisely because of that, it seem it is best for me. I feel honored to be able to take the first step in the movie industry with the help of outstanding sunbaes. There are meals gathering for almost every time we film for this movie, so I get to become closer to everyone in a short time.

Q: I heard that Hyun Bin, Kim Joo Hyuk who you acted along with, have admitted to their new dating relationship during Confidential Assignment movie premiere, making a good start for the movie. A: I hope so (Laughs)

Q: I heard that it is an action film, will you have any action scenes? A: Not at all, initially I was also thinking that since it is an action film, will I have any action scenes. But I am playing the sister-in-law of Yoo Hae Jin sunbae, so my scenes are all at home. (Laughs)

Q: Will you want to try out action scenes? A: Of course, I heard that there will be some action scenes in ‘The King Loves’, but I am a little worried because the weather is cold, however I will try my best to complete the filming without getting hurt.

Q: Without realizing it, you have already transform from a singer to a true actress. A: It is really fortunate. In the past one year I am promoting more as an actress, even though as a singer, I have SNSD as a strong backing but as an actress there is still a lot for me to go. Right now I will move forward one step at a time in a down-to-earth manner.

Q: When can we see the complete SNSD? A: For this everyone can anticipate it a lot, in order to welcome our 10th year anniversary we will work even harder.

Q: Is this true? It seem like it has been a long time since we last seen SNSD. A: I can’t give details yet, but there are already plans made for album release. So I guess they will be out? (Laughs)

Q: It must be a headache to think of what kind of new image to display right. A: Even though it is stressful to think of what kind of different look SNSD can present to everyone, but we still think that we should just do what we like and just be ourselves. Compared to trying new things, I want to present things that suits the time now, in SNSD’s own style. If it is dazzling in the past, then right now it will be something fitting of our age.

Q: Not true at all, right now you all are dazzling too. A: There are more hoobaes that are shining more than us now.

Q: You all are of the age when women are the prettiest. A: We have debut for 10 years and to be honest there are no freshness already (Laughs). But to a woman, this is truly a good age.

Q: You are really modest, your position is rising in Asia circle, with China as the center. A: Last year I promoted alone for my drama, and held solo fan meetings in China. I always received warm welcome whenever I go so I am really touched. There isn’t any concrete plan for this year yet, but if there are opportunities, I will go often.

Q: Whenever you go overseas, your airport fashion is always a topic. You are always the center of attention no matter where, and you are also one of the top fashionistas among girl group members. It seem you are pretty into fashion too. A: Initially I don’t really pay much attention towards fashion, and even now there are still a lot that I don’t know. I will communicate with my stylist on the fashion trends, I learn a lot and also come to know what suits me and what I like and dislike.

Q: What are you standards for your usual styling? A: For this, it is more on cutting the unnecessary, compared to many layers of matching, I prefer something simpler.

Q: Looking at your Instagram, I realize that your hobbies are to the healthier side, baking, half-body spa and golf. There isn’t any unhealthy things. A: That is because I only post healthy stuffs (Laughs).

Q: Do you like drinking? A: Of course! I will often find people for a drink.

Q: How is your alcohol tolerance level? A: In any case, it isn’t anything near bad.

Q: The type of alcohol you like? A: Red wine!

Q: That suits you. If you have free time what will you like to do? A: I will want to learn cooking, and I will continue mastering my Chinese, ah and also play golf.

Q: You debut when you were 18, and this year you are 28 years old. It has been exactly 10 years since your debut; you must be feeling emotional over it? A: Time really flies, it has actually been 10 years since my debut…. It still feels surreal. Q: I am pretty surprised too, everyone feel surreal towards how time passed, and this could be because we wanted to see more promotional activities from you all. In the next 10 years what kind of side do you (all) wish to present in front of everyone? A: As for this, I wish everyone is doing well, regardless if it is SNSD or myself, just like the past 10 years that we went through which includes many meaningful kind of ‘good’. (Laughs)

Q: Valentine’s Day is coming, do you have any special plans that day? A: A pity, none, I will probably be filming my drama that day… Valentine’s Day is just a day to eat chocolate. (Laughs)

Cr: Chinese Trans by 小挚&YOONAYA Eng Trans: mystarmyangel Pic version trans: (1), (2)

[laurabelle2930]

My thoughts on “The Predator” Chapter 16

Okay so you might see this I’m tagging you now... @supersillyanddorky06

 Matty, matty, matty how do you do you do it! Each time I read one of your masterfully done chapters something inside of me simply sparks to life. I go from being surrounded by dangerous thunderheads to then being transported into a meadow of endless, divine light. It’s as if your words are able to bridge the gap between heaven and hell and, that my friend is a gift that we all hope and wish for. 

Anyways now that I’ve slightly embarrassed myself I’ll continue on to attempting a small conveyance of what this chapter made me see.  

Now I’m using this visual because of this sentence...

“ Taking a deep breath, Felicity closed one eye, took her aim, and fired.”  

The entire sequence was breathtaking in both it’s pain and utter beauty. When we started in the graveyard I felt it was very symbolic if that makes any sense. I felt it fitting that someone who’d grown up with so much loss and utter loneliness would find peace in a space filled with the essence of life’s sad but ultimately forgone conclusion. For me it spoke to the heart of the character and the choice she’d yet to fully make. Her heart as I’ve said from the start is conflicted, she’s conflicted by a need that’s even stronger then good sense. As you stated so perfectly she desires Oliver but more importantly she hungers for him. The contact between them has been so limited, if not calculating and yet she yearns for the quiet moments shared not between enemies but lovers. She yearns for his soft touch down the line of her trembling spine, she wants to feel the scruff of his beard when she palms his cheek. She wants more than a physical connection to him she admitted if not unhappily that she wants more than the fleeting open ended fucks in bathrooms or against dingy walls. She wants something she assumed he didn’t have...

She wants not just his heart or even his soul...

She wants his truth...

Felicity wants his story. 

What’s even more fascinating is Oliver wants her’s as well. In my opinion it’s why he really hasn’t killed her. She intrigues him yes, and she stimulates a part of him that he thought long gone but more than that she’s awakened the last ember of light that he still has sparking within him. As you had Amara point out 

“ I see how he looks at you. Despite knowing about you all my life, I never thought he’d be as he is with you.”

But more importantly Felicity makes Oliver feel “Alive” and that is what I’ve been seeing since chapter one. This man’s scars are so much more than puckered tissue along the surface of the character’s taut skin. His pain is hidden beneath years of darkness, and more importantly acceptance of the hand life chose to deal him. He’s made his bones with the past or so he’d thought...

Felicity as I’ve said from day one holds the key to his past as he does to her own. They’re both so intertwined that it makes sense for them to find their equal in the other. They challenge the other, they push, fight, and infuriate the other as only the other half of a person’s soul could do. 

What makes this even more poignant was his lone very coldly asked question...

“Did I hurt you?” 

Why would a man who want’s her blood to run down his warm skin care if he’d caused her pain? Why would a man who stood in her room with a blade to her pulsating jugular care if she felt anything other than agony when surrounded by not only his body but his essence? Why would he care if despite himself he’s realizing, very slowly I’ll admit that she’s not just his equal but, she’s his match both physically and mentally if not emotionally. 

Felicity stood her ground, there they were toe to toe, face to face, and I suspect chest to chest, with blazing eyes filled with nothing but venom; and all I could see was two broken souls finding not just a safe haven in the raging storm but also an eternal home. 

The visual above is yes my paltry attempt at conveying what you’ve done with this work. I know you’ve been criticized for the “sex” scenes and how they feel Felicity’s an abused woman but this chapter should have put all that to rest. She wants him, but she wanted that contact regardless of how it occurred. She chose to accept his advances and he never once made a move without her consent. He honored her wishes because she did something she’d never done with any other person, she let down her guard. She let him see her naked not just physically but, emotionally as well. She’s let him see the scars this life has left upon her darkened heart and yet all he seems to see is her own light flickering just as dimly as his own. He see’s her as she see’s him and that’s the beauty of this story. They’re so perfectly matched that you honestly think Oliver should be afraid not Felicity. He’s termed as “The Predator” but in my humble opinion it’s Felicity who’s the true Predator. 

She’s the one who holds all the cards, they need her to prevent a civil war if you will. She’s been raised in this world so fear is not in her vocabulary, she’s willing to make the tough choices like ending the lives of her fathers trusted men in order to prevent her own from flickering out. She’s lost her memories of a childhood trauma and yet she continues fighting for the truth to their shared past. She’s pushed him into the light by making him human, she’s uncovered the shattered soul of an emotionally dying man by showing him love can heal. Felicity is the hero of her own story and dammit she’s empowering the other characters to follow in her stead. How anyone can still see her as an abused woman after this chapter truly isn’t paying attention. 

Matty honestly I could say this again and again and it wouldn’t be any less accurate. This story is incredible. I remember your apprehension and fear over the content if not the context of how these two would eventually become one... 

As I said then, you have no reason to be afraid for the beauty of flawed imperfection is written with the lines upon a dying man’s face. The beauty of unspeakable loss, and unthinkable tragedy is finding that despite it all the scared heart still beats. the flawed human soul still exists, and the lies we tell ourselves when seeking comfort don’t make us any less pure. You’ve shown us this is true with each chapter you’ve written. You’ve captured the human condition in the purest sense of the word by creating a true equality between the sexes. You should be applauded for the words you’ve committed to the page not condemned. We’re all better for knowing you and for seeing the beauty in our own flawed imperfection. Thank you my friend, thank you. 

Tagging @hope-for-olicity @almondblossomme @oliverfel4 @vaelisamaza @emmaamelia95 @coal000 @mel-loves-all @miriam1779 @captainolicitysbedroom @rivaroma @jaspertown @diggo26 @quiveringbunny @scu11y22 @memcjo @pleasantfanandstudent 

Spread the love ladies! 

[manjushriwisdom]

Transforming Suffering and Happiness into Enlightenment

Transforming Suffering and Happiness into Enlightenment

by Dodrupchen Jigme Tenpe Nyima

Homage

I pay homage to Noble Avalokiteśvara, recalling his qualities: Forever joyful at the happiness of others, And plunged into sorrow whenever they suffer, You have fully realized Great Compassion, with all its qualities, And abide, without a care for your own happiness or suffering![1]

Statement of Intent

I am going to put down here a partial instruction on how to use both happiness and suffering as the path to enlightenment. This is indispensable for leading a spiritual life, a most needed tool of the Noble Ones, and quite the most priceless teaching in the world.

There are two parts:

1) how to use suffering as the path, 2) and how to use happiness as the path.

Each one is approached firstly through relative truth, and then through absolute truth.

1) How to Use Suffering as the Path to Enlightenment

i. Through Relative Truth

Whenever we are harmed by sentient beings or anything else, if we make a habit out of perceiving only the suffering, then when even the smallest problem comes up, it will cause enormous anguish in our mind.

This is because the nature of any perception or idea, be it happiness or sorrow, is to grow stronger and stronger the more we become accustomed to it. So as the strength of this pattern gradually builds up, before long we’ll find that just about everything we perceive becomes a cause for actually attracting unhappiness towards us, and happiness will never get a chance.

If we do not realize that it all depends on the way in which mind develops this habit, and instead we put the blame on external objects and situations alone, the flames of suffering, negative karma, aggression and so on will spread like wildfire, without end. This is what is called: “all appearances arising as enemies.”

We should arrive at a very precise understanding that the whole reason why sentient beings in this degenerate age are plagued by so much suffering is because they have such feeble powers of discernment.

So not to be hurt by the obstacles created by enemies, illness or harmful influences, does not mean to say that things like sickness can be driven away, and that they will never occur again. Rather, it simply means that they will not be able to obstruct us from practising on the path.

In order for this to happen, we need: first, to get rid of the attitude of being entirely unwilling to face any suffering ourselves and, second, to cultivate the attitude of actually being joyful when suffering arises.

Dropping the Attitude of Being Entirely Unwilling to Suffer

Think about all the depression, anxiety and irritation we put ourselves through by always seeing suffering as unfavourable, something to be avoided at all costs. Now, think about two things: how useless this is, and how much trouble it causes. Go on reflecting on this repeatedly, until you are absolutely convinced.

Then say to yourself: “From now on, whatever I have to suffer, I will never become anxious or irritated.” Go over this again and again in your mind, and summon all your courage and determination.

First, let’s look at how useless it is. If we can do something to solve a problem, then there is no need to worry or be unhappy about it; if we can’t, then it doesn’t help to worry or be unhappy about it either.

Then, the enormous trouble involved. As long as we don’t get anxious and irritated, then our strength of mind will enable us to bear even the hardest of sufferings easily; they’ll feel as flimsy and insubstantial as cotton wool. But while we are dominated by anxiety, even the tiniest problem becomes extremely difficult to cope with, because we have the additional burden of mental discomfort and unhappiness.

Imagine, for example, trying to get rid of desire and attachment for someone we find attractive while continuing to dwell all the while on their attractive qualities. It would all be in vain. In just the same way, if we concentrate only on the pain brought by suffering, we’ll never be able to develop endurance or the ability to bear it.[2] So, as in the instructions called ‘Sealing the Doors of the Senses’, don’t latch onto all kinds of mind-made concepts about your suffering. Learn instead to leave the mind undisturbed in its own natural state, bring the mind home, rest there, and let it find its own ground.

Cultivating the Attitude of Being Joyful when Suffering Arises

Seeing suffering as an ally to help us on the path, we must learn to develop a sense of joy when it arises. Yet whenever suffering strikes, unless we have some kind of spiritual practice to bring to it, one which matches the capacity of our mind, no matter how many times we might say to ourselves: ‘Well, as long as I’ve got roughly the right method, I’ll be able to use suffering and obtain such and such a benefit’, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll succeed. We’ll be as far from our goal, the saying goes, as the earth is from the sky.

Therefore, use suffering as the basis for the following practices:

a. Using Suffering to Train in Renunciation

Sometimes, then, use your suffering in order to train your mind in renunciation.

Say to yourself: “As long as I wander, powerless and without any freedom, in samsara, this kind of suffering is not something unjust or unwarranted. It’s simply the very nature of samsara.” At times, develop a deep sense of revulsion by thinking; “If it’s already so hard for me to bear even the little suffering and pain of the happy realms, then what about the suffering of the lower realms? Samsara is indeed an ocean of suffering, fathomless and without any end!” Then turn your mind towards liberation, and enlightenment.

b. Using Suffering to Train in Taking Refuge

Say to yourself: “Life after life, again and again we are continuously plagued by these kind of fears, and the one and only protection that can never fail us is the precious guide, the Buddha, the precious path, the Dharma, and the precious companions on the way, the Saṅgha: the Three Jewels. So it is on them that I must rely, entirely. Whatever happens, I will never renounce them.” Let this become a firm conviction, and train in the practice of taking refuge.

c. Using Suffering to Overcome Arrogance

As I explained before, [as long as we are in samsara] we are never independent or truly free or in control of our lives. On the contrary, we are always dependent on and at the mercy of suffering. So we must eliminate ‘the enemy that destroys anything that is wholesome and good’, which is arrogance and pride; and we must do away with the evil attitude of belittling others and considering them as inferior.

d. Using Suffering to Purify Harmful Actions

Remind yourself and realize: “All this suffering which I’m going through, and suffering which is greater still—all the boundless suffering that there is—come from nothing but harmful, negative actions.”

Reflect, carefully and thoroughly, how:

karma is certain—cause and effect is infallible;

karma multiplies enormously;[3]

you will never face the effects of something you have not done;

whatever you have done will never go to waste.

Then say to yourself: “So, if I really don’t want to suffer any more, then I must give up the cause of suffering, which is negativity.”[4] With the help of ‘The Four Powers’, make an effort to acknowledge and purify all the negative actions you have accumulated in the past, and then firmly resolve to avoid doing them in the future.

e. Using Suffering to Find Joy in Positive Action

Say to yourself: “If I really want to find happiness, which is the opposite of suffering, then I have got to make an effort to practise its cause, which is positive action.” Think about this in detail, and from every angle, and dwell on the implications. Then in every way possible, do whatever you can to make your positive, beneficial actions increase.

f. Using Suffering to Train in Compassion

Say to yourself: “Just like me, others too are tormented by similar suffering, or even much worse...” Train yourself by thinking: “If only they could be free from all this suffering! How wonderful it would be!” This will also help you to understand how to practise loving kindness, where the focus of the practice is those who have no happiness.

g. Using Suffering to Cherish Others More Than Yourself

Train yourself to think: “The very reason why I am not free from suffering such as this is that from time immemorial I have cared only about myself. Now, from this moment onwards, I will only cherish others, as this is the source of all happiness and good.”

It is extremely difficult to use suffering as the path when it has already struck, and is staring us in the face. That is why it is crucial to become familiar in advance with the specific practices to be used when misfortune and difficulties befall us. It is also particularly helpful, and will really count, if we use the practice we know best, and of which we have a clear, personal experience.

With this, suffering and difficulties can become a help for our spiritual practice—but that alone is not enough. We need to gain a sense of real joy and enthusiasm, inspired by a thorough appreciation for our achievement, and then to reinforce this, and make it stable and continuous.

So, with each of the practices outlined above, say to yourself: “This suffering has been of tremendous assistance; it will help me to achieve the many wonderful kinds of happiness and bliss which are experienced in the higher realms and in liberation from samsara and which are extremely difficult to find. From now on too, I know that whatever suffering lies in store for me will have the same effect. So however tough, however difficult the suffering may be, it will always bring me the greatest joy and happiness, bitter and yet sweet, like those Indian cakes made of sugar mixed with cardamom and pepper.” Follow this line of thought over and over, and very thoroughly, and get used to the happy state of mind that it brings. By reflecting like this, our minds will be so suffused with happiness that the suffering we feel through the senses will become almost imperceptible and incapable of disturbing our minds. This is the point at which sickness can be overcome through forbearance. It’s worth noting that this is also an indication as to whether difficulties brought about by enemies, harmful spirits and so on can be overcome.

As we have already seen, reversing the attitude of not wanting to suffer is the whole basis for transforming suffering into our spiritual path. This is because we simply won’t be able to turn suffering into the path as long as anxiety and irritation continue to eat away at our confidence and disturb our mind.

The more we arrive at actually transforming suffering into the path, the more we will enhance and reinforce all our previous practice. This is because our courage and good humour will grow all the more, once we can see from our own experience how suffering causes our spiritual practice and qualities to blossom.

It is said that by training gradually with smaller sufferings, ‘step by step, in easy stages’, then in the end we’ll be able to handle big suffering and difficulties too. We must go about it like this, because it is extremely difficult to have an experience of something which is beyond our level or capacity.

In the breaks between sessions, pray to the Lama and the Three Jewels that you may be able to take suffering onto your path. When your mind has grown a little bit stronger, then make offerings to the Three Jewels and to negative forces and insist: “Please send me misfortune and obstacles, so I can work on developing the strength of my practice!” At the same time, always, always stay confident, cheerful and happy.

When you first begin this training, it is vital to distance yourself from ordinary social activities. Otherwise, caught up in everyday preoccupations and busyness, you will be influenced by all your misguided friends, asking questions like: “How can you bear to put up with so much suffering...so much humiliation...?”

Besides, the endless worrying about enemies, relatives and possessions will cloud our awareness, and upset our minds beyond all our control, so that we inevitably go astray, sliding into bad habits. Then, on top of this, we’ll be swept away by all kinds of distracting objects and situations.

But in the solitude of a retreat environment, since none of these are present, your awareness is very lucid and clear, and so it’s easy to make the mind do whatever you want it to do.

It is for this very reason that when practitioners of Chöd train in ‘trampling right on top of suffering’, at the beginning they put off doing the practice using the harm caused by human beings and amidst distraction, but instead make a point of working with the apparitions of gods and demons in cemeteries and other desolate and powerful places.[5]

To sum up: Not only so that your mind will not be affected by misfortune and suffering, but also to be able to draw happiness and peace of mind out of these things themselves, what we need to do is this: Do not see inner problems like illness, or outer troubles like rivals, spirits or scandalous gossip, as something undesirable and unpleasant, but instead simply get used to seeing them as something pleasing and delightful.

To accomplish this, we need to stop looking at harmful circumstances as problems and make every effort to view them as beneficial. After all, whether a thing is pleasant or unpleasant comes down to how it is perceived by the mind.

Take an example: someone who continually dwells on the futility of ordinary, mundane preoccupations will only get more and more fed up as their wealth or circle increase. On the other hand, someone who sees worldly affairs as meaningful and beneficial will seek, and even pray, to increase their power and influence.

With this kind of training then:

our mind and character will become more peaceful and more gentle;

we will become more open (and more flexible);

we will be easier to get along with;

we will be courageous and confident;

we will be freed from obstacles that hinder our Dharma practice;

we will be able to turn any negative circumstances to our advantage, meet with success, and bring glory and auspiciousness;

and our mind will always be content, in the happiness born of inner peace.

To follow a spiritual path in this degenerate age, we cannot be without armour of this kind. Because if we’re no longer tormented by the suffering of anxiety and irritation, not only will other kinds of suffering fade away, like soldiers who’ve lost their weapons, but even misfortunes like illness will, as a rule, vanish on their own.

The saints of the past used to say:

“If you are not unhappy or discontented about anything, then your mind will not be disturbed. Since your mind is not disturbed, the subtle wind energy (Tib. lung) will not be disturbed. That means the other elements of the body will not be disturbed either. As a result, your mind will not be disturbed, and so it goes on, as the wheel of constant happiness turns.”

Also:

Horses and donkeys with sores on their backs Are an easy prey for scavenging birds. People who are prone to fear, Are easy victims to negative spirits. But not those whose character is stable and strong.

Thus it is that the wise, seeing that all happiness and suffering depend upon the mind, will seek their happiness and well-being within the mind. Since all the causes of happiness are entirely within themselves, they will not be dependent on anything external, which means that nothing whatsoever, be it sentient beings or anything else, can do them any harm. And even when they die, this attitude will follow, so that they will always, always be free and in control.

This is just how the bodhisattvas attain their meditative stabilization (samādhi) called ‘overwhelming over all phenomena with bliss’.

However, foolish people chase after external objects and circumstances in the hope of finding happiness. But whatever happiness they do find, great or small, it always turns out like the saying:

You’re not in control; it’s all in others’ hands. As if your hair were caught up in a tree.

What you’d hoped for never comes to be; things never come together; or else you make misjudgments, and there is only one failure after another. Enemies and thieves have no trouble harming you, and even the slightest false accusation will separate you from your happiness. However much a crow looks after a baby cuckoo, it can never turn it into a baby crow. In the same way, if all your efforts are misguided and based on something unreliable, they will bring nothing but fatigue for the gods, negative emotions for the spirits, and suffering for yourself.

This ‘heart advice’ brings a hundred different essential instructions together, into one crucial point. There are many other pith instructions on accepting suffering and hardships in order to practise the path, and on transforming illness and destructive forces into the path, as taught for example in the ‘Pacifying’ tradition. But here, in a way that’s easy to understand, I have given a general outline of how to accept suffering, based on the writings of the Noble Śāntideva, and his wise and learned followers.

ii. Through Absolute Truth

By means of reasoning, such as ‘the refutation of production from the four extremes’,[6] the mind is drawn towards emptiness, the natural condition of things, a supreme state of peace, and there it rests. In this state, let alone harmful circumstances or suffering, not even their names can be found.

Even when you come out of this state, it’s not like before, when suffering arose in your mind and you would react with dread and lack of confidence. Now you can overcome it by viewing it as unreal and nothing but a label.

I have not gone into detail here.

2. How To Use Happiness as the Path to Enlightenment

i. Through Relative Truth

Whenever happiness and the various things that cause happiness appear, if we slip under their power, then we will grow increasingly conceited, smug and lazy, which will block our spiritual path and progress.

In fact it’s difficult not to be carried away by happiness, as Padampa Sangye pointed out:

We human beings can cope with a lot of suffering, But very little happiness.

That’s why we need to open our eyes, in whatever ways we can, to the fact that happiness and the things that cause happiness are all actually impermanent, and are by nature suffering.[7]

So try as best you can to arouse a deep sense of disillusionment, and to stop your mind indulging in its usual apathy and negligence. Say to yourself:

“Look: all the happiness and material wealth of this world is trifling and insignificant, and brings with it all kinds of problems and difficulties. Still, in a certain sense, it does have its good side. Buddha said that someone whose freedom is impaired by suffering will have great difficulty attaining enlightenment, but for someone who is happy, it is easier to attain.

“What good fortune then to be able to practise the Dharma in a state of happiness like this! So, from now on, in whatever way I can, I must convert this happiness into Dharma, and then from the Dharma, happiness and well-being will continuously arise. That’s how I can train in making Dharma and happiness support one another. Otherwise, I’ll always end up where I started—like trying to boil water in a wooden saucepan.”

The main point to get here is that whatever happiness, whatever well-being, comes our way, we must unite it with Dharma practice. This is the whole vision behind Nāgārjuna’s Garland of Jewels.[8]

Even though we may be happy, if we don’t recognize it, we will never be able to make use of that happiness as an opportunity for practising the Dharma. Instead we’ll be forever hoping that some extra happiness will come our way, and we’ll waste our lives on countless projects and actions. The antidote to this is to apply the practice wherever it is appropriate, and, above all, to savour the nectar of contentment.

There are other ways of turning happiness into the path, especially those based on recalling the kindness of the Buddha, Dharma and Saṅgha, and on the instructions for training in bodhicitta, but this will do for now. As with using suffering as the path, so with happiness too, you need to go to a solitary retreat environment and combine this with practices of purification and accumulating merit and wisdom.

ii. The Absolute Dimension

This is the same as for turning suffering into the path.

What this Training Brings

If we cannot practise when we’re suffering because of all the anxiety we go through, and we cannot practise when we’re happy because of our attachment to happiness, then that rules out any chance of our practising Dharma at all. That is why there is nothing more crucial for a practitioner than this training in turning happiness and suffering into the path.

And if you do have this training, no matter where you live, in a solitary place or in the middle of a city; whatever the people around you are like, good or bad; whether you’re rich or poor, happy or distressed; whatever you have to listen to, praise or condemnation, good words or bad; you’ll never feel the slightest fear that it could bring you down in any way. No wonder this training is called the ‘Lion-Like Yoga’.

Whatever you do, your mind will be happy, peaceful, spacious and relaxed. Your whole attitude will be pure, and everything will turn out excellently. Your body might be living in this impure world of ours, but your mind will experience the splendour of an unimaginable bliss, like the bodhisattvas in their pure realms.

It’ll be just as the precious Kadampa masters used to say:

Keep happiness under control; Put an end to suffering. With happiness under control And suffering brought to an end: When you’re all alone, This training will be your true friend; When you are sick, It will be your nurse.

Goldsmiths first remove the impurities from gold by melting it in fire, and then make it malleable by rinsing it over and over again in water. It is just the same with the mind. If by using happiness as the path, you become weary and disgusted with it, and by taking suffering as the path, you make your mind clear and cheerful, then you will easily attain the extraordinary samādhi which makes mind and body capable of doing anything you wish.

This instruction, I feel, is the most profound of all, for it perfects discipline, the source of everything positive and wholesome. This is because not being attached to happiness creates the basis of the extraordinary discipline of renunciation, and not being afraid of suffering makes this discipline completely pure.

As they say:

Generosity forms the basis for discipline; And patience is what purifies it.

By training in this practice now, then when you attain the higher stages of the path, this is what it will be like:

You will realize that all phenomena are like an illusion, and To be born again is just like walking into a lovely garden. Whether you face prosperity or ruin, You’ll have no fear of negative emotions or suffering.[9]

Here are some illustrations from the life of the Buddha. Before he attained enlightenment, he abandoned the kingdom of a universal monarch as if it were straw and lived by the river Nairañjanā without a care for the harshness of the austerities he was practising. What he showed was that in order to accomplish our own ultimate benefit, the nectar of realization, we must have mastered the one taste of happiness and suffering.

Then after he attained enlightenment, the chiefs of humans and gods, as far as the highest realms, showed him the greatest reverence, placing his feet on the crown of their heads, and offering to serve and honour him with all manner of delights. However, a brahmin called Bhāradvāja abused him and criticized him a hundred times; he was accused of sexual misconduct with the impudent daughter of another brahmin; he lived off rotten horse fodder for three months in the land of King Agnidatta, and so on. But he remained without the slightest fluctuation in his mind, neither elated nor downcast, like Mount Meru unshaken by the wind. He showed that in order to accomplish the benefit of sentient beings, again we have to have mastered that equal taste of happiness and suffering.

Afterword

A teaching like this should really be taught by the Kadampa masters, whose very lives enacted their saying:

“No complaints when there’s suffering, Great renunciation when there’s happiness.”

But if it’s someone like me who explains it, then I’m sure that even my own tongue is going to get fed up and cringe with embarrassment. Still, with the sole aim of making one taste of all the worldly preoccupations[10] my second nature, I, the old beggar Tenpe Nyima, have written this, here in the forest of many birds.

| This edition was prepared especially for Lotsawa House by Adam Pearcey, 2006, based on earlier versions by Rigpa

[ngakpakonchokdorjetsondonmystic]

Transforming Suffering and Happiness into Enlightenment

Transforming Suffering and Happiness into Enlightenment

by Dodrupchen Jigme Tenpe Nyima

Homage

I pay homage to Noble Avalokiteśvara, recalling his qualities: Forever joyful at the happiness of others, And plunged into sorrow whenever they suffer, You have fully realized Great Compassion, with all its qualities, And abide, without a care for your own happiness or suffering![1]

Statement of Intent

I am going to put down here a partial instruction on how to use both happiness and suffering as the path to enlightenment. This is indispensable for leading a spiritual life, a most needed tool of the Noble Ones, and quite the most priceless teaching in the world.

There are two parts:

1) how to use suffering as the path, 2) and how to use happiness as the path.

Each one is approached firstly through relative truth, and then through absolute truth.

1) How to Use Suffering as the Path to Enlightenment

i. Through Relative Truth

Whenever we are harmed by sentient beings or anything else, if we make a habit out of perceiving only the suffering, then when even the smallest problem comes up, it will cause enormous anguish in our mind.

This is because the nature of any perception or idea, be it happiness or sorrow, is to grow stronger and stronger the more we become accustomed to it. So as the strength of this pattern gradually builds up, before long we’ll find that just about everything we perceive becomes a cause for actually attracting unhappiness towards us, and happiness will never get a chance.

If we do not realize that it all depends on the way in which mind develops this habit, and instead we put the blame on external objects and situations alone, the flames of suffering, negative karma, aggression and so on will spread like wildfire, without end. This is what is called: “all appearances arising as enemies.”

We should arrive at a very precise understanding that the whole reason why sentient beings in this degenerate age are plagued by so much suffering is because they have such feeble powers of discernment.

So not to be hurt by the obstacles created by enemies, illness or harmful influences, does not mean to say that things like sickness can be driven away, and that they will never occur again. Rather, it simply means that they will not be able to obstruct us from practising on the path.

In order for this to happen, we need: first, to get rid of the attitude of being entirely unwilling to face any suffering ourselves and, second, to cultivate the attitude of actually being joyful when suffering arises.

Dropping the Attitude of Being Entirely Unwilling to Suffer

Think about all the depression, anxiety and irritation we put ourselves through by always seeing suffering as unfavourable, something to be avoided at all costs. Now, think about two things: how useless this is, and how much trouble it causes. Go on reflecting on this repeatedly, until you are absolutely convinced.

Then say to yourself: “From now on, whatever I have to suffer, I will never become anxious or irritated.” Go over this again and again in your mind, and summon all your courage and determination.

First, let’s look at how useless it is. If we can do something to solve a problem, then there is no need to worry or be unhappy about it; if we can’t, then it doesn’t help to worry or be unhappy about it either.

Then, the enormous trouble involved. As long as we don’t get anxious and irritated, then our strength of mind will enable us to bear even the hardest of sufferings easily; they’ll feel as flimsy and insubstantial as cotton wool. But while we are dominated by anxiety, even the tiniest problem becomes extremely difficult to cope with, because we have the additional burden of mental discomfort and unhappiness.

Imagine, for example, trying to get rid of desire and attachment for someone we find attractive while continuing to dwell all the while on their attractive qualities. It would all be in vain. In just the same way, if we concentrate only on the pain brought by suffering, we’ll never be able to develop endurance or the ability to bear it.[2] So, as in the instructions called ‘Sealing the Doors of the Senses’, don’t latch onto all kinds of mind-made concepts about your suffering. Learn instead to leave the mind undisturbed in its own natural state, bring the mind home, rest there, and let it find its own ground.

Cultivating the Attitude of Being Joyful when Suffering Arises

Seeing suffering as an ally to help us on the path, we must learn to develop a sense of joy when it arises. Yet whenever suffering strikes, unless we have some kind of spiritual practice to bring to it, one which matches the capacity of our mind, no matter how many times we might say to ourselves: ‘Well, as long as I’ve got roughly the right method, I’ll be able to use suffering and obtain such and such a benefit’, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll succeed. We’ll be as far from our goal, the saying goes, as the earth is from the sky.

Therefore, use suffering as the basis for the following practices:

a. Using Suffering to Train in Renunciation

Sometimes, then, use your suffering in order to train your mind in renunciation.

Say to yourself: “As long as I wander, powerless and without any freedom, in samsara, this kind of suffering is not something unjust or unwarranted. It’s simply the very nature of samsara.” At times, develop a deep sense of revulsion by thinking; “If it’s already so hard for me to bear even the little suffering and pain of the happy realms, then what about the suffering of the lower realms? Samsara is indeed an ocean of suffering, fathomless and without any end!” Then turn your mind towards liberation, and enlightenment.

b. Using Suffering to Train in Taking Refuge

Say to yourself: “Life after life, again and again we are continuously plagued by these kind of fears, and the one and only protection that can never fail us is the precious guide, the Buddha, the precious path, the Dharma, and the precious companions on the way, the Saṅgha: the Three Jewels. So it is on them that I must rely, entirely. Whatever happens, I will never renounce them.” Let this become a firm conviction, and train in the practice of taking refuge.

c. Using Suffering to Overcome Arrogance

As I explained before, [as long as we are in samsara] we are never independent or truly free or in control of our lives. On the contrary, we are always dependent on and at the mercy of suffering. So we must eliminate ‘the enemy that destroys anything that is wholesome and good’, which is arrogance and pride; and we must do away with the evil attitude of belittling others and considering them as inferior.

d. Using Suffering to Purify Harmful Actions

Remind yourself and realize: “All this suffering which I’m going through, and suffering which is greater still—all the boundless suffering that there is—come from nothing but harmful, negative actions.”

Reflect, carefully and thoroughly, how:

karma is certain—cause and effect is infallible;

karma multiplies enormously;[3]

you will never face the effects of something you have not done;

whatever you have done will never go to waste.

Then say to yourself: “So, if I really don’t want to suffer any more, then I must give up the cause of suffering, which is negativity.”[4] With the help of ‘The Four Powers’, make an effort to acknowledge and purify all the negative actions you have accumulated in the past, and then firmly resolve to avoid doing them in the future.

e. Using Suffering to Find Joy in Positive Action

Say to yourself: “If I really want to find happiness, which is the opposite of suffering, then I have got to make an effort to practise its cause, which is positive action.” Think about this in detail, and from every angle, and dwell on the implications. Then in every way possible, do whatever you can to make your positive, beneficial actions increase.

f. Using Suffering to Train in Compassion

Say to yourself: “Just like me, others too are tormented by similar suffering, or even much worse...” Train yourself by thinking: “If only they could be free from all this suffering! How wonderful it would be!” This will also help you to understand how to practise loving kindness, where the focus of the practice is those who have no happiness.

g. Using Suffering to Cherish Others More Than Yourself

Train yourself to think: “The very reason why I am not free from suffering such as this is that from time immemorial I have cared only about myself. Now, from this moment onwards, I will only cherish others, as this is the source of all happiness and good.”

It is extremely difficult to use suffering as the path when it has already struck, and is staring us in the face. That is why it is crucial to become familiar in advance with the specific practices to be used when misfortune and difficulties befall us. It is also particularly helpful, and will really count, if we use the practice we know best, and of which we have a clear, personal experience.

With this, suffering and difficulties can become a help for our spiritual practice—but that alone is not enough. We need to gain a sense of real joy and enthusiasm, inspired by a thorough appreciation for our achievement, and then to reinforce this, and make it stable and continuous.

So, with each of the practices outlined above, say to yourself: “This suffering has been of tremendous assistance; it will help me to achieve the many wonderful kinds of happiness and bliss which are experienced in the higher realms and in liberation from samsara and which are extremely difficult to find. From now on too, I know that whatever suffering lies in store for me will have the same effect. So however tough, however difficult the suffering may be, it will always bring me the greatest joy and happiness, bitter and yet sweet, like those Indian cakes made of sugar mixed with cardamom and pepper.” Follow this line of thought over and over, and very thoroughly, and get used to the happy state of mind that it brings. By reflecting like this, our minds will be so suffused with happiness that the suffering we feel through the senses will become almost imperceptible and incapable of disturbing our minds. This is the point at which sickness can be overcome through forbearance. It’s worth noting that this is also an indication as to whether difficulties brought about by enemies, harmful spirits and so on can be overcome.

As we have already seen, reversing the attitude of not wanting to suffer is the whole basis for transforming suffering into our spiritual path. This is because we simply won’t be able to turn suffering into the path as long as anxiety and irritation continue to eat away at our confidence and disturb our mind.

The more we arrive at actually transforming suffering into the path, the more we will enhance and reinforce all our previous practice. This is because our courage and good humour will grow all the more, once we can see from our own experience how suffering causes our spiritual practice and qualities to blossom.

It is said that by training gradually with smaller sufferings, ‘step by step, in easy stages’, then in the end we’ll be able to handle big suffering and difficulties too. We must go about it like this, because it is extremely difficult to have an experience of something which is beyond our level or capacity.

In the breaks between sessions, pray to the Lama and the Three Jewels that you may be able to take suffering onto your path. When your mind has grown a little bit stronger, then make offerings to the Three Jewels and to negative forces and insist: “Please send me misfortune and obstacles, so I can work on developing the strength of my practice!” At the same time, always, always stay confident, cheerful and happy.

When you first begin this training, it is vital to distance yourself from ordinary social activities. Otherwise, caught up in everyday preoccupations and busyness, you will be influenced by all your misguided friends, asking questions like: “How can you bear to put up with so much suffering...so much humiliation...?”

Besides, the endless worrying about enemies, relatives and possessions will cloud our awareness, and upset our minds beyond all our control, so that we inevitably go astray, sliding into bad habits. Then, on top of this, we’ll be swept away by all kinds of distracting objects and situations.

But in the solitude of a retreat environment, since none of these are present, your awareness is very lucid and clear, and so it’s easy to make the mind do whatever you want it to do.

It is for this very reason that when practitioners of Chöd train in ‘trampling right on top of suffering’, at the beginning they put off doing the practice using the harm caused by human beings and amidst distraction, but instead make a point of working with the apparitions of gods and demons in cemeteries and other desolate and powerful places.[5]

To sum up: Not only so that your mind will not be affected by misfortune and suffering, but also to be able to draw happiness and peace of mind out of these things themselves, what we need to do is this: Do not see inner problems like illness, or outer troubles like rivals, spirits or scandalous gossip, as something undesirable and unpleasant, but instead simply get used to seeing them as something pleasing and delightful.

To accomplish this, we need to stop looking at harmful circumstances as problems and make every effort to view them as beneficial. After all, whether a thing is pleasant or unpleasant comes down to how it is perceived by the mind.

Take an example: someone who continually dwells on the futility of ordinary, mundane preoccupations will only get more and more fed up as their wealth or circle increase. On the other hand, someone who sees worldly affairs as meaningful and beneficial will seek, and even pray, to increase their power and influence.

With this kind of training then:

our mind and character will become more peaceful and more gentle;

we will become more open (and more flexible);

we will be easier to get along with;

we will be courageous and confident;

we will be freed from obstacles that hinder our Dharma practice;

we will be able to turn any negative circumstances to our advantage, meet with success, and bring glory and auspiciousness;

and our mind will always be content, in the happiness born of inner peace.

To follow a spiritual path in this degenerate age, we cannot be without armour of this kind. Because if we’re no longer tormented by the suffering of anxiety and irritation, not only will other kinds of suffering fade away, like soldiers who’ve lost their weapons, but even misfortunes like illness will, as a rule, vanish on their own.

The saints of the past used to say:

“If you are not unhappy or discontented about anything, then your mind will not be disturbed. Since your mind is not disturbed, the subtle wind energy (Tib. lung) will not be disturbed. That means the other elements of the body will not be disturbed either. As a result, your mind will not be disturbed, and so it goes on, as the wheel of constant happiness turns.”

Also:

Horses and donkeys with sores on their backs Are an easy prey for scavenging birds. People who are prone to fear, Are easy victims to negative spirits. But not those whose character is stable and strong.

Thus it is that the wise, seeing that all happiness and suffering depend upon the mind, will seek their happiness and well-being within the mind. Since all the causes of happiness are entirely within themselves, they will not be dependent on anything external, which means that nothing whatsoever, be it sentient beings or anything else, can do them any harm. And even when they die, this attitude will follow, so that they will always, always be free and in control.

This is just how the bodhisattvas attain their meditative stabilization (samādhi) called ‘overwhelming over all phenomena with bliss’.

However, foolish people chase after external objects and circumstances in the hope of finding happiness. But whatever happiness they do find, great or small, it always turns out like the saying:

You’re not in control; it’s all in others’ hands. As if your hair were caught up in a tree.

What you’d hoped for never comes to be; things never come together; or else you make misjudgments, and there is only one failure after another. Enemies and thieves have no trouble harming you, and even the slightest false accusation will separate you from your happiness. However much a crow looks after a baby cuckoo, it can never turn it into a baby crow. In the same way, if all your efforts are misguided and based on something unreliable, they will bring nothing but fatigue for the gods, negative emotions for the spirits, and suffering for yourself.

This ‘heart advice’ brings a hundred different essential instructions together, into one crucial point. There are many other pith instructions on accepting suffering and hardships in order to practise the path, and on transforming illness and destructive forces into the path, as taught for example in the ‘Pacifying’ tradition. But here, in a way that’s easy to understand, I have given a general outline of how to accept suffering, based on the writings of the Noble Śāntideva, and his wise and learned followers.

ii. Through Absolute Truth

By means of reasoning, such as ‘the refutation of production from the four extremes’,[6] the mind is drawn towards emptiness, the natural condition of things, a supreme state of peace, and there it rests. In this state, let alone harmful circumstances or suffering, not even their names can be found.

Even when you come out of this state, it’s not like before, when suffering arose in your mind and you would react with dread and lack of confidence. Now you can overcome it by viewing it as unreal and nothing but a label.

I have not gone into detail here.

2. How To Use Happiness as the Path to Enlightenment

i. Through Relative Truth

Whenever happiness and the various things that cause happiness appear, if we slip under their power, then we will grow increasingly conceited, smug and lazy, which will block our spiritual path and progress.

In fact it’s difficult not to be carried away by happiness, as Padampa Sangye pointed out:

We human beings can cope with a lot of suffering, But very little happiness.

That’s why we need to open our eyes, in whatever ways we can, to the fact that happiness and the things that cause happiness are all actually impermanent, and are by nature suffering.[7]

So try as best you can to arouse a deep sense of disillusionment, and to stop your mind indulging in its usual apathy and negligence. Say to yourself:

“Look: all the happiness and material wealth of this world is trifling and insignificant, and brings with it all kinds of problems and difficulties. Still, in a certain sense, it does have its good side. Buddha said that someone whose freedom is impaired by suffering will have great difficulty attaining enlightenment, but for someone who is happy, it is easier to attain.

“What good fortune then to be able to practise the Dharma in a state of happiness like this! So, from now on, in whatever way I can, I must convert this happiness into Dharma, and then from the Dharma, happiness and well-being will continuously arise. That’s how I can train in making Dharma and happiness support one another. Otherwise, I’ll always end up where I started—like trying to boil water in a wooden saucepan.”

The main point to get here is that whatever happiness, whatever well-being, comes our way, we must unite it with Dharma practice. This is the whole vision behind Nāgārjuna’s Garland of Jewels.[8]

Even though we may be happy, if we don’t recognize it, we will never be able to make use of that happiness as an opportunity for practising the Dharma. Instead we’ll be forever hoping that some extra happiness will come our way, and we’ll waste our lives on countless projects and actions. The antidote to this is to apply the practice wherever it is appropriate, and, above all, to savour the nectar of contentment.

There are other ways of turning happiness into the path, especially those based on recalling the kindness of the Buddha, Dharma and Saṅgha, and on the instructions for training in bodhicitta, but this will do for now. As with using suffering as the path, so with happiness too, you need to go to a solitary retreat environment and combine this with practices of purification and accumulating merit and wisdom.

ii. The Absolute Dimension

This is the same as for turning suffering into the path.

What this Training Brings

If we cannot practise when we’re suffering because of all the anxiety we go through, and we cannot practise when we’re happy because of our attachment to happiness, then that rules out any chance of our practising Dharma at all. That is why there is nothing more crucial for a practitioner than this training in turning happiness and suffering into the path.

And if you do have this training, no matter where you live, in a solitary place or in the middle of a city; whatever the people around you are like, good or bad; whether you’re rich or poor, happy or distressed; whatever you have to listen to, praise or condemnation, good words or bad; you’ll never feel the slightest fear that it could bring you down in any way. No wonder this training is called the ‘Lion-Like Yoga’.

Whatever you do, your mind will be happy, peaceful, spacious and relaxed. Your whole attitude will be pure, and everything will turn out excellently. Your body might be living in this impure world of ours, but your mind will experience the splendour of an unimaginable bliss, like the bodhisattvas in their pure realms.

It’ll be just as the precious Kadampa masters used to say:

Keep happiness under control; Put an end to suffering. With happiness under control And suffering brought to an end: When you’re all alone, This training will be your true friend; When you are sick, It will be your nurse.

Goldsmiths first remove the impurities from gold by melting it in fire, and then make it malleable by rinsing it over and over again in water. It is just the same with the mind. If by using happiness as the path, you become weary and disgusted with it, and by taking suffering as the path, you make your mind clear and cheerful, then you will easily attain the extraordinary samādhi which makes mind and body capable of doing anything you wish.

This instruction, I feel, is the most profound of all, for it perfects discipline, the source of everything positive and wholesome. This is because not being attached to happiness creates the basis of the extraordinary discipline of renunciation, and not being afraid of suffering makes this discipline completely pure.

As they say:

Generosity forms the basis for discipline; And patience is what purifies it.

By training in this practice now, then when you attain the higher stages of the path, this is what it will be like:

You will realize that all phenomena are like an illusion, and To be born again is just like walking into a lovely garden. Whether you face prosperity or ruin, You’ll have no fear of negative emotions or suffering.[9]

Here are some illustrations from the life of the Buddha. Before he attained enlightenment, he abandoned the kingdom of a universal monarch as if it were straw and lived by the river Nairañjanā without a care for the harshness of the austerities he was practising. What he showed was that in order to accomplish our own ultimate benefit, the nectar of realization, we must have mastered the one taste of happiness and suffering.

Then after he attained enlightenment, the chiefs of humans and gods, as far as the highest realms, showed him the greatest reverence, placing his feet on the crown of their heads, and offering to serve and honour him with all manner of delights. However, a brahmin called Bhāradvāja abused him and criticized him a hundred times; he was accused of sexual misconduct with the impudent daughter of another brahmin; he lived off rotten horse fodder for three months in the land of King Agnidatta, and so on. But he remained without the slightest fluctuation in his mind, neither elated nor downcast, like Mount Meru unshaken by the wind. He showed that in order to accomplish the benefit of sentient beings, again we have to have mastered that equal taste of happiness and suffering.

Afterword

A teaching like this should really be taught by the Kadampa masters, whose very lives enacted their saying:

“No complaints when there’s suffering, Great renunciation when there’s happiness.”

But if it’s someone like me who explains it, then I’m sure that even my own tongue is going to get fed up and cringe with embarrassment. Still, with the sole aim of making one taste of all the worldly preoccupations[10] my second nature, I, the old beggar Tenpe Nyima, have written this, here in the forest of many birds.

| This edition was prepared especially for Lotsawa House by Adam Pearcey, 2006, based on earlier versions by Rigpa