#really said lalala. if you even care. got silly

[outlying-hyppocrate]

fuck me why is amsterdam such a good song

[zwiezraczek]

Lance began to be insecure entering to the Garrison, an essay by me

We know Lance have insecurities, I'm not Sherlock for discovering that but we had hints about it since season 1 episode 1 and nobody seemed to care. (not blaming, just seeing)(I will just focus on season 1 because I watched this and I got hit by a truck when seeing this)

Minor spoilers from s7

From what we know, entering to the Garrison is a big deal right? I mean, Shiro “helped” Keith to get in because teachers weren't able to see his talent through his hot-head. But imagine Lance. He made it himself, he had to work like an ant to achieve what he always wanted: to be a pilot. Or maybe he was talented enough to not work and to just succeed. And it will be my statement according to his behaviour.

Imagine little Lance, being the best at everything without even moving a finger because he's talented and everybody keeps telling him so, so he works a bit, but not too much because it's easy coming. He finally gets into Garrison and then he faces the reality: he isn't the best anymore. Everybody is talented, more talented than him, they all are great: engineers, pilots, fighters... And little tiny Lance is just... Here? And above all, he's looking up to Shiro the hero. He wants to be like him, but fuck there are so many others who seem to be better than him at literally everything. Especially Keith who's Shiro's “favourite”, who is Lance's rival but only in his mind because he needs something to push him to work more and to be the best. But there are always people who are better than him and that kills him, especially because he can't reach Keith's level that he wants to once touch or even reach.

Ep 3 s1: 

“Hasta la later Keith!” This means a lot to him. His rival is out, so now he feels more powerful. That's selfish, that's a bad attitude but he feels confident again, at least a bit because he finally won the fight.

Ep 1 s.1: 

 Lance is gently reminded by Iverson that he's a second choice, that it's thanks to Keith that he's here, not thanks to himself. But let's face the fact that he's at the Garrison, where the best of the best students are and even if you are one of the worst in this school you are one of the best students on Earth (let's assume that Garrison is a multi nationalities school). And Lance still feels bad about the fact that he's just a second choice, and that's normal, and he wants to be the best at what he does and to be cool and he finally drowns himself in all of his expectations.

“You're a cargo pilot.” - Keith. This is one of the most heart breaking thing for Lance I suppose: his rival can't remember him and worst he's not even his equal because he only remembers him by his less important function. That hurts.

The only person that isn't teasing him about his abilities is Shiro: “Nice job Lance” // “You're the worst pilot ever!” - Keith. He acknowledges him that he matters by remembering his name after they met (and Lance dies that's why he's hesitating to take his hand)

“Whatever dropout” - Lance to Keith. And that's when I got hit by a truck in the middle of my feelings. The only thing that Lance is reproaching to Keith is that he's a dropout, something that is really degrading to him because he was always told that he was the best and being a dropout was a shame.

“It's been an honour flying with you guys” - Keith. Okay, this is for my Klance heart, there Lance could see some recognition from Keith, his rival who said that he was the worst pilot ever, who just the fuck said that it's been an honour flying with him (for two days lalala) (and the whole team but let's just erase this fact from our memory). Lance.exe stopped functioning at this moment I guess

Ep 3 s.1:

“I know we're supposed to be brave but honestly I just want to go home” - Lance. He can't find his place here, it's something brand new for him meaning that he begins from nothing,  he has to build something. But I can say how hard it's to build something when you just began to build something before and something just made you change places to begin to build something new. It happened to Lance at the Garrison and when he finally began to find his place there he was forced to abandon it.

Ep 7 s.1:

 “I got fire power! - Hey, I want that!” Keith & Lance. Jealousy. That's typically what's happening to people who are lacking confidence, or who were once good at something and everything came easily. It's like “Why him, doing the same thing as I do, has something that I can't have?”, it's kind of frustrating to feel this way, to feel worse than the others when you have been 'the best” for so long.

“That is a better idea” - Keith. Same as for the quote with honour, but here Lance is the only subject of the recognition, and that feels awesome. He's finally seen as an equal, or maybe someone a bit smarter thanks to his plan, and that may warm his heart because his rival literally said to him that he had a better idea than him. It can only warm a heart.

“Who do you think you are dealing with? A bunch of amateurs? *hits a rock* - You really want me to answer that? - No...” Lance & Shiro. The most shameful moment for Lance: his hero saw that he is clumsy, maybe not worth being a paladin. These things escalate pretty quickly, when you aren't confident enough, every single error anybody points out about you (especially someone you like and admire) seems to be the end of the world. And that kind of was the end of Lance's world when he answered “No” because he's now fully aware of the fact that the only person who considered him as an equal since the beginning can change his mind, and consider him as someone less valuable.

AND. One last thing, I saw somewhere that Lance's personality may be the result of him being just smol when he was a child, I personally think that his loud personality is the result of not knowing who he really wants to be, how to achieve it, how to be someone he would like to be. He builds himself up, he tries new things, he knows he's not perfect (now) but he tries his best to be the best version of himself at the Garrison: being the best or not at school. It's his way to cope with failure, the big failure he might live while entering at the Garrison: discovering that, after all, maybe he's not that special.

But in the end, Lance is special. He's a Paladin of Voltron, Blue and Red love him (and maybe Black please let this happen), he is the one putting smile on the whole crew's face by telling jokes (I know they all make these silly faces when Lance speaks but deep in their hearts they don't know what they would do without him), he's comforting them (even if he's the one needing comfort), to sum everything up: he's kind of essential to the crew but he can't just see this.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[musingsofaperpetualdaydreamer]

I really related to a part of a post where @quilavastudy half jokingly said she couldn’t wait to turn 24 to get the yearly ‘you’re past your sell-by date!’comment and it got me thinking. The fact that people feel able to make comments like that about young women and as unpleasant and ridiculous as it is, for it to not be unexpected really says a lot. I recently turned 23 and one of my relatives was basically like it’s really past time they or I found myself a husband and settled down because I was ‘expiring’, ‘losing my value’ and my biological clock was fast ticking away and people would start to question what was wrong with me and soon guys wouldn’t want to marry me anymore and all the ‘good ones’ would be all gone and not only would I be more or less forever doomed if I wasn’t married by 25 but it also would be shameful in a way and apparently I’m actively damaging the prospects of my younger siblings as time goes on lalala. It’s something I’ve been increasingly hearing these past few years from more and more people I know and not just from those I’d sort of expect it from. 

A part of me has just sort of laughed off the whole becoming a spinster thing and felt that it was just all rather ridiculous and sexist; my male cousins that are around my age don’t get given that sort of speech and the message they get is that they’re young lads, that have so much left to learn and explore about life and they’re encouraged to focus on getting their careers because there’s plenty of time to for marriage yet. But now a small part of me worries what if they aren’t being so ridiculous? 

People my age are married and/or have kids and run their own households on top of everything, so it’s no longer a case of I’m too young for all of that. Being single doesn’t really bother me in a way, it gives me more time to work on myself and put more of my focus into other areas of my life and I have friends and things to do that keep me busy, so it hasn’t felt like there was this massive hole in my life. It isn’t that I don’t want to be in a relationship, if I met the right person then cool beans but it’s just something i’ve never really actively pursued. I like being independent and free to do my own thing, not that you can’t do that in a relationship or still balance you career and other relationships in your life, but I’ve always told myself that everyone’s complete just as they are and that being with someone should be them being a positive addition to your life not a means of ‘feeling complete’. Admittedly sometimes I overthink things a lot sometimes and I have my own reservations and fears about being in a serious relationship so I guess also partly I have sort of avoided the whole concept a little and been like I need more time to get myself and my life together and I’m more comfortable and feel more ready that’s when I’ll start figuring that all out. But I worry now am I being too cautious about it all and I’m leaving it too late. Should I be more proactive? I mean putting yourself out there can be a really scary thing to do. What if I blink and I’m suddenly like 60 and have like 10 cats and I’m alone and bitter, miserable and full of regret that I hadn’t tried hard enough when I was still had a ‘teeny window of opportunity’. What if I try and it never works out for me? *here’s where I usually descend into the paranoid cycle of what ifs. 

For the most part I think nah this is all silly and of course it’s ridiculous but it makes me so mad that that teeny bit of doubt that once was seemingly insignificant has been growing and getting to me a little. It just feels so unfair that women get subjected to all these pressures and sexist comments and it’s just portrayed as a normal thing that we’re just meant to accept and deal with. A woman’s so called ‘value’ shouldn’t be based on whether guys find them attractive or if they conform to the societal beauty standard and perfectly fit a mould of how and what they should be or their reproductive ability. Not all women are the same and we might want different things and that’s okay, or at least it should be. 

When I said that they guys in my family are encouraged to focus on building their careers, it isn’t it to say that the girls aren’t encouraged get a good education and get a good job or that guys have no issues to face whatsoever, I just think it’s done a little differently and in the end it’s not valued the same way. I don’t think it’s something that just happens in my family either.

If you’re a woman with a successful career that you’ve worked really hard for and that you’re passionate about, but you’re not married and don’t have kids by a certain age, then you’re pitied and your achievements become overshadowed by that or you’re perceived to be this evil cold hearted defective miserable person that’s only motivated by money and power. Never mind if you were happy as you were or you didn’t want to have kids or you’re actually a nice kind person, if you don’t fit the mould then you become painted as a monster. 

But say a woman did want to have kids and she had a successful career, from a young age it’s drilled in that the woman is expected to be the one to put her career aside or make the relevant sacrifices and be responsible for raising that child and men are free to chase whatever career they want because everything at home will be automatically taken care of for them. When people say that certain job fields are male dominated and that’s just because women choose not to go into them, it ignores many of the complex interacting factors that play into that. There’s girls that I’ve known that have said that they really want to be a surgeon for example, but they’re worried or don’t think they can do that, not because they wouldn’t have the qualifications for it or have the drive and commitment for it, but because they have to prioritise that one day they’d like to become mothers. And it isn’t just in the STEM field, it’s many different job fields, when women choose a career to pursue they also have to think if I want children I need a job with certain hours or that would allow me to take a certain amount of time off, so they’re discouraged from making certain choices, and just settle feeling that it’s them that’s going to make the compromise in the end. Why would it be unfair or wrong to ask the guy to make that choice or compromise instead? This is what I meant about your aspirations and careers not being valued the same. 

But it gets better. Trying to navigate finding a work/family balance is hard enough as it is but it seems as though there isn’t really a way to win. If you return to work ‘too soon’ perhaps  because you felt ready to return or maybe you couldn’t afford the childcare, you’re made to feel guilty for somehow being a bad mother and not caring about your child. Even if you are able afford childcare or have an arrangement in place, again you’re made to feel guilty and selfish for having someone else look after and help raise your child and that you’ve neglected them. Men aren’t made to feel like that, so long as they’re there for the big things and are around for a few hours a day and the weekends perhaps, they’re dandy. I’m not saying every father is the same, some are a lot more hands on and nurturing than others, it’s they just don’t seem to be held under the same expectations or to the same standards. Instead of finding ways to encourage women and support them and help make things like childcare be more accessible the people still focus on finding fault in every little thing they do and attacking them. 

Why is it that jobs some jobs that are dominated by women are diminished and get branded as soft easy jobs as if they don’t require hard work? Even when women sacrifice their career in order to stay at home and put in all the effort of raising their child and looking after everything at home, it’s like meh big deal that’s your job, it’s what you’re meant to do, it’s so easy. I don’t have any kids but if you’ve ever babysat a small child or a baby and even if it’s only for a few hours you realise it’s way harder than it looks. Yeah there are also stay at home dad’s but look how that goes, they’re either made to feel emasculated for looking after their own child and that somehow what they’re doing is wrong. But in general the bar of what men have to do in order to be a good parent is so much lower than that of women do and they can get so much praise and made out like dad of the year for doing something that is a pretty basic part of their role as parent that the mother wouldn’t ever get the same level of appreciation for. 

People also take the view that a lot of the time women are paid less because they simply don’t negotiate or ask for a raise. First and foremost the way girls and boys are raised, even in a modern westernised society is still different. Girls are taught to stop being outspoken and to be polite and not to be so pushy about what they want because then they’re being bossy, rude, or not ladylike and or a diva. They’re bombarded by language that portrays them as inferior and they grow up hearing things like you __________ like a girl or that they’re pretty good at something for a girl. People are a lot harsher on correcting girls and their behaviour and they’re forced to grow up a lot faster. On the other hand, boys are afforded a lot of excuses and things get brushed aside and girls learn to accept that they don’t have the same privileges when it comes to certain things because ‘boys will be boys’ it’s how they are and they’re allegedly just wired to do or be better at somethings and you just have to figure out a way to work around that. Girls learn to compromise from an early age and boys learn they will be compromised for. The confidence of little girl’s gets chipped away over time while the egos of boys are allowed to flourish and grow. Even when you grow up, the same mindsets and patterns of behaviour that have become engrained over time continue and it isn’t that women don’t think they deserve to be paid more, or they don’t want to ask for it, they have voices and opinions or that they’re any less able to speak up, they’ve just been taught to believe that either they won’t be listened to or they fear they’ll be branded as being too demanding and so they do the thing that they’ve learned is ‘safe’ over the years and they compromise and settle. Nature plays it’s part in who we grow up to be, but how we’re raised and the environment that we grow up in also has a significant impact.

This turned out super long and rambly and there’s so much more to all of this that you could get into and so many other factors that are work but sadly the patriarchy is still alive and well. Yes we’ve come a long way and yes in countries like the UK women have more rights than those in the other countries but that isn’t to say that we still don’t have some ways to go and that change still isn’t needed. It won’t be overnight and won’t be easy but it can be done if we work together for it.

[angeloftheshore]

So far 2019 just hurts a whole lot for many reasons. I continue to try to keep my thoughts positive but some days it’s just damn hard.

Losing Tinka Belle was damn hard. I’m not good with endings.

Thursday Loki decided eating was no longer his thing. And instead of being attached at the hip to Keith and I he started staying in the closets. This was Tinka’s thing. But we hoped he was just having an off day, cats do that and he is weaning off prednisone and that can cause a sick tummy.

Saturday He’s not eating at all. The vet wants us to start a more rapid weaning off the prednisone. But, he still won’t touch his food, so we wait, and hope. Maybe he will get hungry enough.

Sunday He ate a bit and was acting more like himself. He was out of the closet and hanging out with us.

Monday He was back in the closet Not eating And now, not drinking water either. Called the vet with the update but his vet was gone for the day. I told them I would call in the morning, hopefully he would come out to eat.

Monday Night I started forcing bits of water into him. Still not eating

Tuesday As of this morning our Loki still isn’t eating or drinking. Called the vet with an update, waiting to hear back…

Keith and I were married in 2007 and since that date we have had 5 furbabies cross that rainbow bridge. Loki is who is still here, only Loki. He will likely have to go in to the vet today for tests. My heart is breaking into a million pieces right now. I feel kicked in the gut. Keith is our rock but I know this is tearing him up. That’s the only update I have on our boy for now. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers 💞 Did I say, I’m not good with endings?

Because I’m incredibly sad and scared and looking for anything to distract my thoughts, I thought I’d turn to other things that are bugging me right now. Other endings that everyone else is giving their two cents on, so I may as well distract myself while I wait for the vet to call. Besides, these endings don’t hurt because they are only make believe. Right now I need a dose of make believe.

Avengers Endgame Game Of Thrones Both left me empty.. Spoilers below. Hopefully everyone who wants to see the show and movie, has by now. But if you didn’t you may not want to read any further….

          Avengers Endgame

☹️ I know she has a stand alone movie coming, but is Scarlett Johansson really gone? I hope not. If she is then I hope Wasp gets a leadership role. ☹️ Speaking of Scar Jo, why didn’t SHE get a funeral???? ☹️ Spiderman and the class being back in high school, why? Lalala, we will act like 5 years hasn’t passed. Time travel causes so many unresolved issues. ☹️ If Captain America going back in time replaced his time line then wouldn’t everything Captain America did in his original timeline be changed?? This is what happens when you play with time in a movie, plot holes. ☹️ I still don’t like Brie Larson in the role of Captain Marvel. ☹️ I guess I wasn’t ready for the end of an era for the Avengers. But it is isn’t it? ☹️ Ending left me on empty

Game Of Thrones

☹️ Simply because the last two seasons the character development was rushed which made the ending seem shallow and choices made in the end seem weird. The same care wasn’t given to the scripts compared to the other seasons and it showed and we as an audience felt it. ☹️ Jamie’s redemption arc was pointless ☹️ I’m surprised so many people were surprised by Dany’s outcome and decisions. She’s always had ruthlessness in her veins. She was following this path since season 4 if not before that. ☹️ Tyrion and Arya were exquisite characters. ☹️ Speaking of exquisite as a character, so was Cersei but she was barely used in the last two seasons other than to stand around. What’s up with that?☹️ I get why Bran was chosen as King, but the way it was done was weird. Tyrion giving a speech is always amazing but the whole elven council/LOTR looking entourage was just silly. ☹️Left me on empty

Are you a Marvel or GOT fan? What did you think of the endings?

I’m eager for a new season of Westworld next year! But I no longer trust long running series shows/movie plot lines to do right by them in the end. We are going to try out some other shows on HBO so HBO will seem worth our money. Some haven’t evencome out yet but we plan to give these a try… Watchmen Chernobyl His Dark Materials The Nevers I Know This Much Is True

We are big Marvel fans and the tv shows are gone now. Other than survivor, the amazing race and westworld, we watch supernatural(😢), blacklist, stranger things, john oliver, agents of shield, ncis, star trek discovery, the voice, and law and order.

Looking for something new to watch. Recommend some shows below ⬇️ for us to watch ❤

ps…I can’t stand sappy stuff like, “This Is Us”. I don’t even watch too many “chick flicks” because I hate sappy stuff 🤔

As I finished writing this up I got the call back from the vet. Loki is going to the vet today. He is having blood work done. Vet said it still could be the prednisone, blood test will rule other stuff out. They can give him stuff for his tummy IF it’s just prednisone withdrawal. Could also be his kidney’s/liver. Prednisone is harsh on organs.

Tears – Fears – Endings – And – Spoilers So far 2019 just hurts a whole lot for many reasons. I continue to try to keep my thoughts positive but some days it's just damn hard.