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zhuhongs · 3 years ago

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Ever since I watched Your Name Engraved Herein two weeks ago, I have wanted to talk about Jiahan as whole but in particular this scene right here that starts around the 40 minute mark.

CW’s: discussion of religion, internalized homophobia, violent homophobia, choking, and lack of consent. Generally, the same cws as in the movie.

Read more bc it’s uh.. 2.7k

all images are described in alt text

As soon as I watched this scene I just knew it had to be really significant and now rewatching YNEH, I realize that this is a major ideological turning point for Jiahan as a character. From this point on he slowly begins to accept that he’s gay and starts to consciously act on his feelings for Birdy. However, I must first add some context and insights on Jiahan’s prior behavior before I dive into this scene as a whole. At the beginning of the movie, we see that while Jiahan feels different from the rest of his roomates, he still sneaks out with them when they go hook up with girls, despite not showing any interest in the girl he’s with. He feels very different from the rest of his friends, but still goes along with them due to peer pressure. Later, he tries to dissuade them from violently hazing the gay student, Xie Zhenhong, (his name is never said in the film but it says so on his uniform shirt, and that what I’ll refer to him as for the rest of the post) but is reluctantly influenced to gang up on the student as well. He closes his eyes while he’s about to strike the bat down on the student, until Birdy rescues the student-- and Jiahan in a way-- from what is about to play out. After this, his friends accuse him of being in the same stall as Birdy (which he was) but he denies it, not wanting to explain why he was there and the ensuing taunting from his friends.

While its obvious that Jiahan has feelings for Birdy, he isn’t confident enough to pursue them outright. Birdy is the more confident one in both their friendship and in his sexuality, not caring about how anyone perceives him and does what he wants regardless of the consequences. Jiahan is the one worried about societal stigma and goes along with things he doesn’t want to do. However after this encounter with the gay underclassman pictured above, Jiahan become more brave and honest about his feelings towards Birdy. Interestingly enough in the scene directly after this, Birdy begins to conceal his true feelings for Jiahan and pursue a straight relationship with Banban. He doesn’t do this hurt Jiahan, as he does reciprocate Jiahan’s feelings, but to discourage him from coming out and becoming a social pariah for being gay. Birdy himself doesn’t mind being an outcast, but he does not want to see the same thing happen to the one he loves. So instead of letting Jiahan do that, he tries to discourage Jiahan from ever pursuing him by getting a girlfriend and suggest Jiahan does the same. In the same day, both Jiahan and Birdy come to opposite realizations about their feelings for the other, thereby changing their dynamic for the course of the movie. Someone else has picked apart Birdy’s scene in their own post. If you haven’t read that analysis, please go read it, because its really good at explaining Birdy’s character since most of his story isn’t directly revealed to us. We must read inbetween the lines and piece it together, which can be confusing on a first watch.

Anyways, now we can focus on Jiahan. At this point in the movie, Jiahan is trying to understand why he’s upset that Birdy is showing interest in a girl in their band while dealing with his own internalized homophobia and denial over his sexuality. He then turns to the only out gay person he knows -- Xie Zhenhong, who he sees in the cafeteria with new bruises on his face. He looks at Jiahan with a smile. This makes me feel like Zhenhong probably picked up on Jiahan and Birdy’s feelings for each other since last year, when he saw them exit the same stall in the bathroom. Having been the Distinguished Out Person in a group before, I can definitely relate to the way Zhenhong reacts to Jiahan. It the typical “oh honey, you don’t realize it yet, but I know you’re gay” reaction.

Jiahan waits outside the cafeteria and calls out to out him from behind. At first Zhenhong ignores him as we can see that he smirks a bit when he first speaks. He definitely heard Jiahan but doesn’t answer him until he repeats himself a few times. Zhenhong purposely stops when the two are in front of the stained glass window, away from others. Jiahan’s word choice towards Zhenhong is also interesting as he addresses him as “學弟” which is a term for an underclassman. To my understanding, it’s not overly formal nor is it overly familiar, however it is the nicest way that anyone has addressed him all movie. Jiahan than asks him who gave him those bruises, showing concern for his well being. He then reveals why he stopped Zhenhong saying “Actually I want to ask you, when did you start liking boys?” This really seals the deal to Zhenhong that Jiahan is talking to him to try and sort out his own feelings towards Birdy. While his suggestion that Zhenhong perhaps “see a doctor” or “consider getting a girlfriend” read as a microaggression to most viewers, Zhenhong himself can tell that Jiahan is asking him this in good faith. And perhaps, this might be the most understanding anyone has been towards him since Birdy helped him out prior. Before he responds, he looks up at Jiahan and fixes his bangs. This all stumps Jiahan whose eyes dart around, speechless. Zhenhong then circles his arms around Jiahan’s neck, a very intimate gesture, and studies him for a moment. We cannot see Jiahan’s face at this moment but he does shuffle slightly, his body language nervous and confused, but not upset. After looking at him, Zhenhong then goes in closer, assumedly to kiss him. At this point, Jiahan physically stops him and grabs him by the throat. However, Jiahan’s face doesn’t seem to be angry, if anything, his face looks more scared and confused-- akin to a ‘what are you doing?’ moment.

Initially Zhenhong’s choice to kiss Jiahan read very...strangely to me. Why would the screenwriter, as a gay man that grew up in the 80’s, choose to include this? What was there to gain? To me it seemed like it was reinforcing the stereotype of gay men being overly flirtacious and viewed as predators. Why show a nonconsentual attempted kiss at all? I thought about it a lot, both for this scene and the following one with the old man and later between Jiahan and Birdy because it seemed?? Odd to me?? Isn’t that a disservice in representing gay men? I don’t fully have the right answer but I feel like by writing the scene like this, it goes to demonstrate how Jiahan still isn’t fully comfortable with being gay. And also that lgbt people, especially teens, aren’t always going to be good rep. Liu Kuang-hui wasn’t writing the movie to be an perfect, morally uplifting, santized gay narritive. He was writing something that spoke to his real life experience as a gay man in 1980’s Taiwan. In real life, people do questionable things and good narratives are supposed to make you question characters and their actions and judge for yourself whether what they did was right or wrong. The narrative isn’t looking to condemn Xie Zhenhong for doing this. Xie Zhenhong is ultimately a victim of violent homophobia, that will not hide himself or his sexuality despite the violence he faces. He isn’t perfect, nor is Jiahan, nor is Birdy, nor is anyone in the film.

Although now having rewatched this scene upwards of eight times in writing this, it feels like Zhenhong didn’t assume this action to be without consent. Of course, no words were explicitly exchanged about kissing, and I’m not trying to make the case that it’s okay to kiss someone without their consent, that’s harassment. However, Zhenhong did gave Jiahan time to express his discomfort before proceeding. Zhenhong first got close to Jiahan by brushing his bangs, Jiahan did not say anything or look visibly uncomfortable. He then put his arms around Jiahan’s neck, and stared at him for a good ten seconds. At this point, Jiahan had time to say he was uncomfortable. As we know it, consent does indeed entail a verbal, understood yes from both parties. However given the context, I can understand why Zhenhong thought that Jiahan was consenting at that moment. However the moment Jiahan revoked his consent Zhenhong stopped trying to kiss him. Zhenhong shouldn’t have gone in without getting verbal consent, and Jiahan could’ve done something other than grabbing him by the throat. They were both in the wrong. Violence shouldn’t have been the reaction, nor should’ve kissing someone without their verbal consent. The lines were very blurred, and proper communication could’ve resulted in a better interaction but like I mentioned above, I don’t think the writers wanted to portray the scene in that way. The intent was not to say that Zhenhong’s actions were romantic or something to emulate. It was very purposeful in showing to interplay of homophobia, gay desire, and religion.

The scene is set up like a religious confession. Zhenhong purposefully leads Jiahan to the stained glass, a metaphor for his religious guilt. He doesn’t look Zhenhong in the eyes, his voice is hushed, and body language nervous, and troubled-- it communicates to Zhenhong that he thinks he may be gay and wants either reassurance that he isn’t or acceptance that is. Regardless, it’s a very vulnerable and intimate moment. Jiahan is facing him like ‘hey, I know my friends were bullying you and I wanted to save you but was too much of a coward and almost took part in harming you. I’m sorry. I know you saw that me and Birdy were in the same stall together, and that you saw me just telling him not to talk to the girls, and neither of those are heterosexual things to do. Please, help me.’ He’s asking Zhenhong to pass judgement on him, is he gay or not? By virtue of even asking that question, they both know the answer -- Jiahan is in love with Birdy, but whether Jiahan can accept that or not is up to him. In a way, Zhenhong is testing Jiahan to see how honest he can be with himself. By approaching him like that, he’s testing to see whether Jiahan can accept being intimate with a man or not. It’s not a good or ethical test, but it sure is effective. Because in his head, Jiahan is coming to realize that he doesn’t mind a man being close to him in a romantic way. Although, he isn’t fully there yet. He still grabs Zhenhong. But as Zhenhong stares at him despite the hand around his throat, Jiahan really has to think about his actions. Is that what he really wants to do, or is that what he’s been taught to do? It illustrates his internalized homophobia perfectly. Jiahan is literally staring gay desire in the face, rejecting it, while in front of his religion. Zhenhong finally answers Jiahan that “he has always loved boys since he was little, it’s never changed.” Upon hearing that his grip loosens and he pulls away. And the fact that we can hear him well means that Jiahan was never choking him, his hand was there, but not gripping. Zhenhong pulls him in closer and tilts his head, and says “and it never will.” Zhenhong’s words are very deliberate. It’s as if he anticipated this might happen and knew exactly what to say. He wants to carve it in Jiahan’s brain that no one chooses to be gay. They always are and no amount of denial, like the kind Jiahan is showing, will change that. He then finally lets go of Jiahan, who is speechless, he thanks him, and leaves. Jiahan, however, stays there for a second, processing everything that has happened, and breathes heavily before the scene cuts to later that day.

Finally, I would like to examine exactly what Zhenhong’s “thanks” even means. Why would Zhenhong be thanking Jiahan? On the surface, it lookslike Jiahan waited for this guy to finish eating, then asked him invasive questions about his sexuality and suggest he should get help and then almost choked him. This should count as a microagression at best and an attempted hate crime at worst. But, as I just dived into, this wasn’t a bad faith jeer by Jiahan in order to bully Zhenhong, this was a genuine cry for help made by a deeply confused teenager. I feel like the “thanks.” at the end of the scene was perhaps just as puzzling to me as when I thought about why the staff would have that scene play out like that in the first place? I think his thanks is conveying many things. Firstly, thanking him for not actually hurting him and allowing him to have a semi normal interaction with a student of the same gender. As far as we know, many, MANY different students have tried to hurt him in the new semester alone. Hell, we literally do not even know his name as everyone refers to him by the q slur or some other derogatory term, which speaks a lot to how he is treated. He also may be saying thanks for actually asking him about his sexuality. While Jiahan still followed it up with a suggestion he see a doctor, he still genuinely wanted to know why rather fully assume he has something wrong with him. Also, I feel like he might be thanking Jiahan for being brave enough to actually confront his sexualtiy and ask Zhenhong for help in the first place. Zhenhong really seems to be alone as the only gay student at the school but now knowing that Jiahan is realizing thathe’s gay as well, might make him be hopeful that things may slowly begin to change. Sadly, this interaction is the last time we see Xie Zhenhong all film which sucks because I really liked him. And I feel like it would’ve been really nice to see him after the time skip or at least have Jiahan mention him because this moment was one of the things that really made Jiahan start to accept his sexuality. A cut scene with Father Oliver also contributed, but I really wish Xie Zhenhong got more narrative than being the only out student that was then violently bullied. But, I acknowledge that MANY scenes were cut from the film for length so I can’t complain to much.

Oh god, that was a lot to say about a scene that was literally a minute and thirty seconds long. In conclusion!! I just had a lot of things to say about this scene and the scenes surrounding it. I think Jiahan is just a very painfully relatable character for many LGBT viewers and he was incredibly relatable for me which is why I felt the need to spend my day off writing this as opposed to doing homework. This scene is incredibly rich on many levels and I really appreciate YNEH as a whole for not spoonfeeding the viewer information and letting us interpret and question the scenes on our own and come to our own conclusions about the characters and yea. There’s so much going on and a lot of nuance and idk how to properly convey a lot of my thoughts but I tried really hard bc i really do love this movie. I really was puzzled by this scene at first, but now having examined it, it is my favorite scene in the movie. If this scene was changed in any way to make it more palatable, it would’ve been nearly as impactful which was a hard decision to come to, but I stand by it. I don’t know if I feel the same about other scenes but I will be reviewing YNEH as a whole in a different post. I have much more to say but my thoughts on this scene were far too long to not make it a separate post of its own. In essence, YNEH is about growing up and accepting yourself in all ways. Not all of those things are pleasant but if you cannot accept those things about yourself, you’re doomed to be miserable until you can live life unburdened by your own and societies limitations. Goodnight, my fingers hurt.

#i think im like . the only one thats ever refered to that student by name on tumblr dot com.. that ive seen #your name engraved herein #刻在你心底的名字 #chang jiahan #long post #🐌.pdf #also i rewrote and reworded this sooo many times to get it to sound the way i want fjvjdjdjs bc this movie has so much to talk abt and word #it right bc like yea.. yk... bc like... yea #its 1am... gn

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socheckitout-mikey · 4 years ago

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Can I request a Johnny x soc reader where they hide their relationship and suddenly realize they really dont want to so now they have to adjust

heya birdie! i only really write hc’s so that’s the format they’re in. also, i kinda focused it more heavily on the reader meeting the gang, bc johnny would be pretty set on her meeting them since they’re pretty much his family. i hope you enjoy what i came up with! - mae

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Johnny Dating a Soc Reader and Hiding their Relationship Hc’s:

° None of the gang seemed to pick up on the fact that Johnnycake is dating you, and honestly, Johnny is pretty happy about that. Boii get’s teased enough as it is whenever he does open his mouth, he doesn’t need to be flooded with an onslaught of attention in regards to you.

° It’s just not Johnny’s style to be propped on top of a roof of a building, yowling about how he’s together with you. That’s more of Two-bit’s style. It’s not born out of embarrassment of dating you, someone who’s in a different social class altogether, it’s more over the fact that attention tends to overwhelm Johnny since he’s a raging introvert.

° In fact, Johnny is incredibly ecstatic to have you as his s/o despite the ample amount of insecurities he has about himself and his social status. He considers himself a lucky guy to have bagged someone as amazing and understanding as you. You balance a lot of his anxieties and insecurities out with patience and reassurance: Two things that we all know Johnny desperately lacks outside of the gang.

° Johnny tends to get effortlessly embarrassed whenever the spotlight is scorching on his form. So when you had told him you wanted to keep your relationship a secret, a part of him was incredibly relieved, but not before his mind started racing madly over the negative avenues for your reasoning.

° That other part of him felt ashamed of himself, especially because he primarily thought you were doing this out of the fact you were embarrassed of what others would think of you if they discovered the pair of you were dating.

° Yet you swiftly shutdown those ridiculous avenues of thought, ensuring him that you cared for him deeply and that societies prim and proper nose wouldn’t make you change who you loved, - even if it was upturned -. Similarly to Johnnycake, you relinquished from attention, the sheer thought of all these eyes being on you both made your skin crawl grotesquely.

° And thus began the comfortable pinnacle of your relationship with Johnny Cade. There was never much pressure, the pair of you free in the lack of obligation of speaking about your relationship to anyone else. It was beautiful while it lasted.

° You see, the gang weren’t blind. Soon they began to notice a spring in Johnny’s step, how he spoke a little more, how he disappeared frequently. The amount of times he’d led the gang on wild goose chases across town to lose them somewhere along the way to yours drove him insane!

° Teasing became an ample part of his life, the gang eventually guessing that he was dating someone. And although his crimson cheeks probably gave him away, his mouth never did. But Dally was hot onto the younger boy with a knowing smirk because Johnny may’ve slipped it loose once or twice whilst the guy was drunk: Sometimes, miraculously, Dally remembered his drunk endeavors.

° And your friends... fickle they were! Figured it out two weeks into your relationship with Johnny. Though fortunately for you they were trustworthy folk, they never pushed the topic, ready for whenever you were ready to tell them on your own terms.

° It was incredibly comical when you and Johnny met one night, both wild eyed and slightly breathless. The pair of you were sat in your car, the soft drawl of the radio humming whimsically in the background as Johnny sucked the life out of his tenth cancer stick of the night.

° “We gotta talk-” the paid of you mumbled out desperately in unison, the anxiety shivering in your tones made the pair of you spooked. Now that you look back on it, you laugh.

° “You first-” a unison it was once more and Johnny couldn’t help but crack a wry toothy grin before throwing his cigarette butt out the window.

° “Okay, you shoot first, Y/N.” Johnny stated in a shaky tone, his stammering long gone. You were one of the only people he felt real comfortable talking with.

° “I-I think we should tell our friends, because my friends are figurin’ it out.”

° And that night the pair of you stayed up till the early hours devising a plan on how best to break this to your friends.

° Johnny decided he’d need to pull up his bootstraps and meet your pals first, considering they were the nicest of the bunch. After all, the gang were notorious for being nasty to people they didn’t know, though laid off once they did get to know people. It was precautionary.

° And him meeting your friends went spectacularly! They loved Johnny so much and had nothing but great things to say about him. It was a bit of an ego boost for the kid, albeit incredibly overwhelming. He was still grinning in the vacant lot that night when Dally sat with the kid, fully sober for once.

° “Dal,” Johnny had hummed through the night air, shaking softly as nerves wracked his guts, “I gotta come clean about somethin’.” Did he have to say it so corny?

° “Shoot, Johnny-kid, what’s up?” Dally stated, seriousness taking him by the reins.

° And out it all came...

° Dally was ecstatic to say the least, taunting came out in boisterous fits and soon enough he’d wrestled Johnny into the Curtis house, gloating about how Johnny had snatched himself someone fancy.

° No one believed him initially, but then Johnny told them your name and when I tell you Soda’s jaw slammed onto the floor, it really did. They were so happy for him! And with happiness came the wild teasing of six boisterous boys, all eager to meet the person who’d won Johnny’s attention.

° Johnny was on edge about you meeting the gang, considering that you’d seen some of their antics in person from afar. He assured you that after awhile, they’d lay off; but for now, you’d be like that new attraction at the zoo. You hated that analogy but it made you laugh.

° You’d pretty much prepared yourself for the absolute worst, and although you were scared stiff, you sure didn’t show it. It made Johnny admire you more because you took everything the boys gave you in stride: I mean, it wasn’t like you weren’t a stranger to how teenage boys acted, after all, you did go to school with a whole bunch of em’.

° Darry was the most intimidating besides Dallas, due to his stature and height, but also because of that notorious icy look in his eye. He’d firmly shook your hand, muttering a brief “Hi, I’m Darry,” before slinking back into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. Darry was a tough nut to crack, something Johnny had told you not to take personally: In fact, Darry really liked you from the moment you walked through the door because you were precisely what Johnny needed in a partner. You were also a good kid, something he hoped eventually would rub off on the other boys, but he wasn’t exactly expecting miracles.

° Sodapop was wild eyed and dreamy as ever, albeit just as dirty as the other boys. He flirted with you every chance he could get, eliciting Johnny to wise off to him; something that made the gang both gawk and simper like wolves.

° “What? You’ve never heard him speak before?” You’d quipped back wittily. You were also weary on how witty you were, seeing as you were typically seen as someone out of their leagues, you didn’t wanna come off as preppy, like you looked down on them. The truth was, you didn’t look down on them. After all, they were important people to Johnny, so they deserved as much respect as anyone else.

° Steve was cocky and smart mouthed, something you had witnessed all too often at school: In fact, you were pretty sure you’d been on the receiving end of his callous words more than once. You took everything he said with a grain of salt. He was also a little intense to begin with, joining in on Soda, Two and Dally flirting with you, but only in the sense to get you to be severely embarrassed.

° And Johnny was almost defensive of you, swatting away the gang and wising off to them to cut it out and leave you alone. He should’ve known better than to rise to their bait, because after all, that’s what they were really looking for; to get him going all red in the face.

° “You guys are nasty! I swear, ain’t nobody was this bad when Evie came round...”

° The minute you’d walked through the front door, Two-bit was hot on your heels, with Dally in tow, attempting to make you laugh up a storm. Well, he did, because it’s Two-bit after all: Who couldn’t that guy make laugh? His flirting would’ve been smooth if not for him having hiccupped halfway through his sentence.

° “Hey, sweet cheeks, why don’t you ditch Johnny for a real good lookin’ man like me, huh sugar?”

° “If the mirrors the one who told you that, then it’s lying.” You quipped back skillfully, more than comfortable taking on someone as wise-cracking as Two. The insult seemed to break the ice somewhat because Two didn’t take anything personally. In fact, all the boys thought it was pretty funny.

° Dally was the one that genuinely terrified you. The lines between a hood and a greaser weren’t present in him after all: Dallas Winston was as bad as they got, like Tim Shepard, and if it weren’t for him being Johnny’s buddy, you’d have avoided him at all costs. You weren’t sold short on his little show at the beginning, flirting with you, pulling on your hair like you were his kid sister or something... Dally found every way to irritate the hell out of you.

° “C’mon now, Dal! Cut that shit out!” Johnny snapped particularly at one point, but he meant business: Johnny never really wised off to anyone, so it took some guts for him to go out for Dally like that. Dally just grinned at him silly before ruffling the kids hair. “Alright, alright! Who knew you dug this one so much, eh?”

° Ponyboy, although quiet, was probably your most favorite of the gang. You really weren’t a stranger to him at school, often having some classes together with him. So it was somewhat refreshing to see someone you knew a little well in class. Every so often you’d catch the kid looking at you apologetically from the dining room whenever Steve or Two would say something that would’ve made anyone else run for the hills.

° “You know, if you keep goin’ like that, Johnny-cakes’ heads gonna burst into flames.”

° Whenever the boys got too rambunctious, Darry would pipe up from the doorway, reminding the boys that they needed to tone it down. After all, they’d promised Johnny they’d be on their best behavior, which in fact, that whole promise had been thrown out the window long ago. You’d just accepted it at this point.

° Eventually nighttime curled over Tulsa Oklahoma, and it was time for you to head on home. As soon as you and Johnny got down to the lot, he was intent on apologizing for their awful behavior, absolutely certain that you wouldn’t wanna be with a bum like him that hung out with trash like that.

° “What’re you apologizin’ for? I like em’. I mean, they’re awful, but...” You grinned at your boyfriend, linking fingers with him.

° “Did Two sneak you some booze?!” Johnny was animated, his voice cracking as it reached an octave that it hadn’t before.

° It did take awhile for the gang to accept you as Johnny’s girlfriend, but that didn’t matter to you as the cat was out of the bag: Outing your relationship to both of your friend groups was probably the best avenue to have gone down, since it was never in either of your guys’s nature to have just shown up to school one day holding hands and all that mushy galore!

° Everyone at school made a huge deal out of you guys dating for about a week until the next ‘crazy’ rumor swept their attention. Although you were still subject to some odd looks and some remarks, the pair of you just ignored them.

° The most the pair of you would do in public was hold hands or Johnny’s arm was around your shoulders. Subtle things. He got a whole ear full from the gang about how whipped he was. Johnny just didn’t dig the whole possessive thing that Dally was into. He didn’t need the whole world watching him make out with you!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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#johnnycade #johnny cade #johnny cade imagines #johnny cade headcanons #johnny cade x reader #the outsiders #the outsiders imagines #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders johnny cade #the outsiders johnny cade headcanons #the outsiders johnny cade imagines #the outsiders johnny cade x reader #hope you enjoyed them!#mae

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oftenderweapons · 4 years ago

Text

Mold Me New (1) – Taehyung

A Small Town Swoons story

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Wordcount: 3.2k

Genre: ceramic artist!Taehyung, divorced!reader, Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: 18+ (for future smut and explicit thoughts)

Hello to my readers!!! Welcome to the Small Town Swoons Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: Introducing the reader’s backstory, exploring her life as a wife and then as a single woman who is slowly getting to know herself as an individual person.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: There are mild curse words, a bit of a sad vibe regarding falling out of love and getting a divorce, description of several bad dates and good ones that end badly, mention of getting drunk, mention of sex toys, mention of one night stand.

In case you like my writing, here is my directory for idol!AUs, scenarios and imagines, and in case you need it, here’s the Spotify music companion.

I forgot to mention, bc I’m dumb and bc we’re becoming one body with two souls, but this chapter (as most of the decent, edited things I post) was beta read by the magical @joheunsaram (she’s recently lost her previous blog and she’s rebuilding it, please go say something nice and YOU SHOULD FOLLOW HER SHE’S A QUEEN ,,,,, my queen 🥺✨)

Enjoy 💜✨

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

When you fall in love with someone, the feeling is like entering a chocolaterie. The scent engulfs you, full and rich and sultry, igniting your senses, the heat making your skin glisten in a light sheen of perspiration, making you exceedingly vulnerable to pointless stuff, like the way your lover exhales. Or their hands skimming your arms.

At least, that was what your best friend had told you.

You had none of that. To you love was a daisy being twirled under your nose, sharing cotton candy, the smell of crisp apples, flannel sheets, the sound of dead leaves crackling under matching footsteps, a sturdy but shiny steel band around your finger suddenly substituted by a golden one.

That had been the beginning of the end. When practicality and simplicity had turned into conventionality and disinterest.

When gifts stopped being things you loved and became things he thought you loved. And then things everyone loved.

When love became a chore, that's when everything crumbled. When kisses became just a good morning and a welcome back, when there were no more laughs echoing in the kitchen, when leaves kept falling but it was your footsteps alone making them crackle, when flannel sheets kept feeling warm but still something was missing — because someone was missing — when suddenly there was no more time for fairs and cotton candy, when daisies became roses, Love stopped making sense. It stopped having a meaning for you.

You were no longer sure of the life you had built with the man of your dreams, the boy you had fallen in love with when you were eight, the guy who had walked with you across the corridors of your high school, who had made you twirl under the lame disco ball of your prom, who had gone through college finals with you, who had spent three summers making your hangout spot into a home, turning the small old shack into a proper place for you to build a new life together. He was your first kiss, your first valentine, your first time. He was the man at the end of the aisle, the man who would walk with you until the last of your days.

But one day he started running and you still walked.

Or maybe you were both running in different directions, no longer on the path to the same destination, your priorities somehow switched.

Of course, it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't yours either.

You had both participated in this small unraveling, and you had both expressed the intention of changing, of finding compromise, an in-between, without either of you actually making the effort of fixing your trajectory, small habits and old pet peeves pulling you even farther apart.

The attempts — multiple ones — were painstakingly embarrassing. There were tears on both sides as you wondered what had caused this sudden rift that separated you — except it wasn't sudden, only your realisation was; the crevasse had been there for way longer. Maybe it had started as a small chipping the very day you met him, and it wasn't until now that you realised how the small sign had turned into an ominous presence, and then into unfathomable, inevitable doom.

And then the divorce.

It had been disgustingly easy, both parties agreeing on the procedures.

You didn't want the house. And you didn't need it. He didn't either.

Selling it had been exceedingly painless, you had shared the money, since he wanted to offer you stability. He already knew you would both suffer and he didn't want you worrying about rent. He was still your friend, after all.

Going back to being alone scared you at the beginning, until you realised that few things were truly bothering you. At least there wasn't this ghost of a human making you doubt all of your plans. You could plan dinner five days ahead or improvise. You could go to the restaurant as a last minute deal. You could go on long walks without the 'I'm sorry baby, emergency' making you rush back to town.

It felt like a bit of a liberation.

And your family's bookshop was doing well enough, since it was situated near the college and it also offered printing service.

Of course there were bad days. Sometimes you woke up searching for a body beside yours, however that feeling had significantly subdued after you had gotten used to the new bed. You missed human contact, being close, intimate with someone, having someone who knows you that deeply.

And then the true nightmare.

Finding someone new.

You were genuinely uninterested in dating. You had given it a go and it had sufficed.

It wasn't your world.

How could it possibly be?

You had never dated. You had basically offered your heart to the person that has always owned it. It's not like you had any experience in that labyrinth that is dating. All those unspoken social norms and the pining and tension. You only knew the comfort of a warm hug, the beauty of a kiss sparking from innocence and affection and slowly turning into steady, warm passion. You didn't like infernos, you liked candles. You liked the domestic hearth. You liked moderation.

And dating was all about extremes, from strangers to 'I'm inspecting your throat' on date one. And then suddenly it's date three and the same guy who brought you to a pizza place and a diner is suddenly going out of his way to bring you to a pretentious, expensive restaurant as a way to propitiate the possibility of you dropping your panties.

You had allowed this foolery only three times. Apparently all the suitable suitors were either really prone to pushing the pedal or had a passion for tongue gastroscopies.

The first one, Albert, had been quite the gentleman on date one. On date two he started making inappropriate jokes with a heavy body shaming undertone — a bit cliché for the stereotypical gym rat. And on date three he had dropped all pretenses at politeness and had outright palmed your ass in public, which made you rightfully uncomfortable. As you pointed that out, he proceeded saying that after all it was your third date and it was time to loosen up a little.

You didn’t even bother staying for dinner, left a bill on the table and left.

No matter the first disappointment, you decided not to let that disrespectful fool slow you down. And since your best friend knew everything about rat headed number one, you allowed her to set you up with one of her colleagues after she reassured you he was nothing like the one before.

Except somehow he was. The first date was at the local pub, and you somehow found yourself getting along well, his jokes were funny and he had good timing, he was relaxed, confident but still a bit clumsy and shy. He could be a good candidate.

But that was before he pushed his tongue to your tonsils as he kissed goodbye.

You gagged.

On date two he admitted you weren’t exactly his type. You were glad to reciprocate the statement after he told you his dream was having four children and a farm, alluding to the fact that his bride needed to be the perfect housewife.

You were pretty adamant that was not the kind of future you wanted for yourself.

Candidate number three was a guy you had met while grocery shopping, and somehow he had impressed you in an absolutely positive way on date one and two. Everything had been perfect, he was kind, considerate and well-mannered. Date three had been innocent, simple, down-to-earth. And then date four. Perfect dinner at his place. He had made you swoon and he had a very pretty cat he was very affectionate with.

He was the first man you had felt desire for in a very long time — almost eight months after your divorce.

The sex had been decent for being a first time.

And then he had entirely disappeared and never texted or called you back, which didn’t sit entirely wrong with you. You wished him all the best but you were actually glad. You liked being you and doing your own thing: having someone too much down your neck, getting in a relationship, having to check in with another person again felt more like a burden than a win.

Maybe it was just a coping mechanism to avoid facing the fact that he had been someone you could have liked, someone you could have built something with.

You were a happy woman, and it’s not like you really felt lacking or incomplete, like some of your single friends felt. And you had no intention of starting a family anytime soon, no matter if your old high school classmates had begun popping out kids left and right. You were more than happy to live the teen and early-twenty years you had spent in a relationship.

You were getting to know yourself in a way most of your friends didn’t have time to — you could already see them going through a midlife crisis after their kids became old enough to navigate life by themselves, which meant no more need for overprotective, and sometimes borderline suffocating, mothers, who suddenly found themselves with too much free time and too little tasks to complete.

Knowing your needs made you a stronger, better woman, and solitude had gifted you a level of introspection and balance that you doubted they could ever reach; maybe that was an arrogant consideration, but you knew there was no way knowing and loving yourself would ever bring you to crying over disrespectful, ungrateful youth whose only fault was that of growing up out of their mothers’ plans.

Unfortunately, there was no way your family — especially your grandmother — could ever tolerate the idea of you not needing a man and a family to be happy.

“Oh, come on, isn’t it time for you to bring a nice fellow back home?”

You shook your head as you and your grandma took a walk along the river, the sunny March afternoon feeling way too nice to stay at home. “Granny. There’s no people like Grandad anymore.”

“Oh, darling. You’re starting with the wrong role model. Not even back in my days we had men like him. He was the exception.” She nodded to herself with a sweet smile, remembering the husband she had lost a few years back.

“It’s so frustrating. And after all that happened… You know how it was. We were together for years. He was the only one I had. I don’t even know how to do these things. And books cannot teach you stuff like that. The more you read, the more you realise that most of these men had never even seen a rom com.”

“Oh, come on, but you have the internet these days! Can’t you find him in there? You have all these phones and computers and everyone has them, there must be a good one in the internet.”

She always said that “in the internet”. Like it was a physical place.

“I don’t even want to look in there, Granny. There are so many dangers in there.” You shuddered as you thought at the funny instagram pages where the people posted screenshots of the worst descriptions. All the embarrassing playboys and the fishermen and the lame wanna-be poets.

“Right… How can you know he is really is a person?” She considered, patting your back proudly. “You’re pretty. And you’ve always had the most perfect bum of all your cousins. Just like mine!” She grinned cockily, giving a playful smack to your ass, making you laugh loudly.

“It won’t last long.” You said, looking down. Solitude scared you sometimes. Being old and alone could be hard on the spirit and you had a feeling that old hag you would curse your dumb arrogance and inconsideration. However, for now you were still somehow making it through. Your divorce was finalised almost ten months ago. You could still consider yourself just fresh out of it.

“You’re smart. And I’m sure you have a lot to offer. You’re a good woman, and you’re far from being too old. There’s never a thing such as too old. Don’t let yourself be fooled. Look at me.” She said. “I’m still living a good life. Herbert has left me but I’m still here. Walking. Cooking. Drizzle keeps me good company.” She smiled sweetly at the mention of her dog, a lovely large poodle elegantly strolling at her side, its light grey fur finely trimmed by your grandmother’s expert hands. She had been a hairdresser for decades: learning how to keep Drizzle’s coat had been a cup of tea for her and he’d kept her distracted from grief after your grandpa passed away.

Her face formed a meditative pout. “Maybe you should just get a dog. Or even better, a cat. You’ve always looked like a cat child to me. So quiet and focused, like you knew some secret that nature would speak to you alone. You were always so attentive as a child!”

You smiled and looked at the path under your feet. Drizzle stayed unbothered as a loud, angry dachshund walked towards him, barking annoyingly. You had never felt sympathy for that small evil breed.

“I think I could get a kitten one of these days. Or a cat, from the shelter.”

“I’m sure you’ll find it in the internet!”

“So we’re really doing the party thing?”

“Listen, baby. It’s gonna be your first party as a free woman. Real mind blowing birthday sex.”

“I’m not a virgin, you know?” You stared at your face in the mirror, spreading some moisturiser over your forehead, inspecting the small lines there. You shrugged and let them be.

Maybe you would spend your best years single and find a sugar baby in ten or twenty years. Wait, weren’t those called toy boys?

Who cares.

Maybe it was time to get the post-grad you had always dreamed of. You would need to check your bank account before making that decision — maybe finally telling yourself yes could be the real birthday gift. That is, beside the huge dildo waiting in your drawer. Not being attracted to men or women didn’t mean you didn’t like sex.

You just found it difficult to imagine being with someone.

“Darling I’d bet an arm and a leg he never gave it to your right. You just need a bit more experience.”

All you needed was a hot bath, some candles and a good book. No man, no one night stand, no birthday sex could possibly make you as happy as decent jazz, wine and a novel.

“Why aren’t we doing that wine tasting at the winery out of town?”

“Because I want you choking on cheap alcohol, having all the fun you didn’t have on your twenty-first birthday because you were planning your own wedding. And I bet you’re the only one who wasn’t fucked in the bathroom of the Wickhead.”

Terry could be incredibly crude, but you loved her nonetheless. You loved her even more for it. She had never hidden anything from you, she had told you even the most embarrassing details of her own life. And she had always been the kindest, most faithful friend: she had driven you way out of town when you were eighteen and your period was late and you needed to buy a pregnancy test without all everyone and their dog knowing; she had chosen your wedding dress for you, spotting it and telling you it was going to be the one before you could even see it. When your marriage had started crumbling, she had spent countless nights with you, keeping you company when your husband was busy with his business trips. Though Terry had insinuated cheating, you knew he would never break your trust like that, and she had decided to trust your better judgement.

You had simply fallen out of love with each other.

And when you had moved into your new apartment, Terry had helped you repaint the walls and build the extra bookcases and install the shelves and fill your wine stand. Before leaving she had grabbed an unfamiliar box from her car, placing it on top of your bed, opening it and spreading out a set of “single necessaire”, as she called it. A couple toys, lube, condoms. To celebrate your re-found sexual promiscuity, she had said, though you objected, it was hard rediscovering something you had never had.

She had shaken her head and left you to “familiarise” yourself with everything.

“You know I’m not exactly a party person, Terry. This will end badly.” You said, sitting on your bed with your back against the headboard, your legs stretched out before you.

“You can allow yourself some fun once in a decade, you know?” You could hear her scoff on the phone.

“But I do have fun. Book. Wine. Bingo!” You explained, rolling your eyes as the booed.

“Come on, do it for me. Do it for your single friend who wants to get drunk and possibly sixty-nine? Please?” The other thing wrong with Terry is that if you ever met her in person, you would face the sweetest five foot three and a half — she insisted on the half — human being you could ever meet, with pretty wavy blonde hair and wide, sweet green eyes, the most boopable button nose and a sprinkle of freckles on her golden skin. She literally glowed in sunlight and her flowy gowns always made her look like a goddess: you could see men fighting for her, dying for her and going to war for just one of her gentle smiles.

“Don’t you have a FWB for that sixty-nine thingie?” You asked with an exceedingly inquisitive tone. It had been a while since she last updated you.

“Dumped him.” She replied curtly.

You tutted before exhaling. Emotionally constipated people — what’s wrong with them?

“He’s dating someone since he was ready for a relationship.” Terry sounded a bit colder than usual.

“And you weren’t?” You asked. You felt your tone hesitate with slight concern. You knew she would just put up a wall and ignore your question.

Fortunately, she didn’t. “I’m not ready to talk about that. It’s complicated, Frog.”

She was hurt and wanted a distraction.

“Okay, Terry. We’re going to get rip roaring drunk this Saturday.”

The line went silent.

“You know I love you right?”

“I love you too, sweetie. Now go to sleep, you have an early shift tomorrow.”

The line went silent after you bid each other goodnight, your body settling underneath the sheets once you realised your eyes were fluttering shut as you tried to read a few pages to put yourself to sleep.

Placing down the book, you hugged the extra pillow, settling your face in the corner between your sleeping pillow and your spare one, the heavy woolen comforter acting like a weighted blanket. You placed another pillow behind your back, making a soft cocoon all around you.

Yes, sometimes you still missed being hugged to sleep.

The taglist is open!

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

#taehyung x reader #kim taehyung fanfiction #thetruthuntoldnet #thebtswritersclub #Taehyung strangers to lovers

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handern · 3 years ago

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All of the oc questions for arzel ♡

OC ask meme

answered under the cut bc it's going to be a long one

I shamelessly copied and pasted from the previous ask for the two questions I had already answered

1. How does your OC feel about their full name?

He picked it himself :)

He likes Arzel as a name, and he's quite attached to "Jowen" as it's still his human surname, he's posing as his own grand child at the moment, but he might drop it for his next Mask

2. What do strangers notice about them first?

damn that guy is fucking huge, what a hunk!

3. How does their social personality differ from how they act when they’re alone?

he's really not the same guy at all. He's Ventrue, he loves schemes and politics, he loves looking cool and a little intimidating. When he's alone he likes wearing commoner clothes and do some woodwork, it reminds him of his human days. He's a chill man on his days off, but when he's working he'll cave in a skull or two without remorse

4. How do they act around a crush?

he's a little awkward, tried to spend more time with the person, tries to get to know them better and to make them laugh

5. Do they have a “tell” for when they’re lying?

he doesn't really have a "tell", but he also very rarely lies, he dodges or ignores questions, gives half truths with a wink, but straight up lies he doesn't really do often

6. What do they smell like?

he takes a lot of care in his hair and hygiene in general, so he always smells great, probably the latest most fashionable men's perfume but just a dash, you don't smell it as soon as he steps in a room, you'll have to get a little closer to smell it

7. What is their hair texture like?

his hair is a little rough on the tip, he always took care of it, so it's still pretty soft, a little wavy

8. How much jewelry do they wear, and do they have a favorite or distinguishing piece?

he has a few pieces of jewelry, mostly rings, a couple fancy watches, but on a daily basis he only wears his sailor gold earring,

9. Do they have a word or phrase that they tend to overuse?

I don't think so

10. What is a weird quality that they have (ie their hands are always cold, they’re always hungry, they snort when they laugh, etc)?

A very Arzel thing is that he gets a little too comfortable with people a little too fast. He's a good judge of character and does change his attitude depending on the person he's dealing with, and has three main modes which I can only describe as 'frat bro attitude', 'barbecue dad mode' and 'actual proper ventrue setting'

11. What color do they look strikingly good in?

I have NO idea

he looks good in anything

12. How do they show affection to someone they love?

mostly touches and gifts, though for the latter he's very hesitant and awkward

13. Do they make strong/frequent eye contact when they talk to someone?

he makes the right amont of eye contact

14. What attributes do they have that are inherited from their parents or shared with their siblings/other relatives?

his father was really tall, which he inherited, he has his mother's hair and eyes

15. Are their greatest flaw and their greatest strength related and in what way? (ie very caring and helpful but a doormat, or very observant and shrewd but often paranoid)

not really

his greatest flaw is that he refuses to self reflect

his greatest strength is literally just his physical strength

16. How has their childhood affected the way they view an aspect of their life (people, education, society, themselves, etc)?

he always had issues with feeling like he belongs with others due to his birth and upbringing circumstances, and he still has some very big complex about his total lack of formal education, he's kind of afraid of his own background as a farm boy being thrown back at his face in social situations with high ranking kindreds

#babbles blabbles

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venxmedina · 4 years ago

Text

hellllo family :~) guess who’s baaaack !! it’s chelly, with my sassy little babie venice, whom i love very much and hopefully you do, too !! she’s a fun one to go out with, will flirt with you, takes up dance studio time whenever she can, and isn’t afraid to voice her opinions. i’m so excited to get her back into the swing of things, since i am bringing her back from a smol hiatus !! like this or shoot me a message if you’d like to plot :pleading fc: :~)

— && guests may mistake me as ( camila mendes ), but really i am ( venice medina + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 3/31/1995 ). i am applying for the ( housekeeper ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( 213 ). i should be hired because i am ( charming & witty ), but i can also be ( cunning & dramatic ) at times. personally, i like to ( go shopping, attend dance classes & practice self care ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work.

okay before this gets waaaay too long lmfao here’s a TL:DR of venice, her pinterest board, and her connection page

venice is a spoiled rich girl who mommy & daddy never really paid much attention to except when it came to succeeding in life and she responded to that by partying and being a wild child tbqh, resulting in her parents cutting her off and forcing her to take on a real job at the malnati. she’s returning after her grandfather passed, which essentially turned into just another instance of her parents controlling her life and not trusting her to take care of herself or the medina family name. she’s resentful of them bc they never rlly believed in her and instead treated her more-so as a pawn to advance their family's position which is a lil dehumanizing as a daughter and she's now determined to prove them wrong and actually make something of herself. her parents put her into ballet classes from such a young age and although most of anything they made her do has mostly been tainted now, dance is the one thing that's stuck and brings her so much joy and purpose so she still takes classes & is in search of a permanent partner to compete with. she’s more than just a pretty lil rich girl, like she does have a heart ( kind of a big one but lowkey tho asdlfj ), but she's also got a bit of an identity crisis now that she's fully on her own and not under the influence of her parents or with the comfort of her brother, and that's ... different. kind of a cold bitch, but she’s charming and sociable and has a good heart but she’s guarded and afraid of getting hurt.

here is her pinterest board & her connection page <3 i’d especially love some hookup buds, a dance partner, childhood enemy, one night stands, fake relationships, fiesty friends, frenemies, and just about anything tbh :~)

tw: drugs & alcohol mention, neglect, death

*:･ﾟ･✧･ who am i?: the medina family fortune was founded during the gold rush era in which the family immigrated from brazil and were talented metal-workers who could turn such raw materials into works of sheer beauty. jewelry, picture frames, gold plated toilet seats and architectural elements alike - everyone in hollywood wanted something made by the medinas. their prominence never weaned, either. throughout the decades, the family fortune has amassed well beyond anyone’s wildest dreams and therefore money is barely to be considered to the medinas despite them still understanding the value of a dollar earned. given the diversity in which the wealth is spread, and the investments that it has been used to make, it is obvious that they are a family of considerable wealth making up the upper class. their high-rise in the upper east side really says it all. this was the world that venice was introduced to, and quite frankly, it was all she had ever known. her guarded building was as much as she was allowed to venture out into for many a year, where the doorman was a babysitter and mrs. winters’ dog a few floors down was a friend. of course, there were a few other kids in her building whose parents were either fond or jealous of the medinas, so until she went to school venice did get to socialize with kids her own age too. her older brother, lucca, was one of her biggest saving graces. he was one of the only people in her life that truly gave her the time of day, and as much as it pained venice to be constantly overlooked by her parents in favor of lucca, he was her best friend. for all intents and purposes, he was the only medina who made her feel like she even had a family, and if there's anyone she's more loyal to than anyone else, it'd him. but per her education, venice attended private schools in the city throughout her life, even being tutored by some of the most highly reputable and paid retired teachers in the entire state for extra attention. getting a proper education was more important to her parents than it was to venice, so she put in the minimal effort needed. it wasn’t as if she was ever going to be given a failing grade, and it wasn't as though an A on a paper was going to garner her parents' attention for long ( if at all - it was what was expected of her ). the girl knew of her influence and the power her family held from an early age. whatever she wanted, she got, and that was the precedent that had been set from infancy. whatever would get her to stop whining, that’s what she got.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ attention to detail: half of the battle for venice, though, throughout her life, was garnering her parent’s attention. her father was a proven, accomplished businessman who was often out of the state or city to tend to whatever firm needed his attention. her mother was a socialite who was more concerned with keeping up the image of a perfect household than actually tending to one. it wasn’t that there was a lack of love for her, from her parents, it was just rather that care was seldom expressed when venice so desperately needed it. she had spent more time with nannies and tutors and tennis instructors than she did her own parents, and that left a vacancy in her heart. naturally, her relationship with her brother was one that she worked on every day; they were thick as thieves and everyone knew the medina siblings. but, she couldn't follow her brother all day for the rest of her life, and as much as his love helped fill some of those voids in her heart, it wasn't always enough, either. she sought out their attention in so many different avenues. whether that be through ballet dance recitals, throwing temper tantrums if she wasn’t getting her way, leaving notes on her mother and father’s pillows … venice really tried all of it. and sure, she would occasionally get some kind of attention in return, but it was usually fleeting and uninspiring. they favored lucca in just about every aspect, and expected him to carry on the family name, line, and company so in a lot of ways - he took precedence. and this wasn’t dissimilar to the experiences of some of the people she called her friends at the time. her parents were busy people who didn’t have much time to deal with the handful of a daughter that they had.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ to be needed: this is where much of venice’s neediness has stemmed from. she truly does seek out those who are more likely to give her attention, to feed into her, even though she has been taken advantage of time and time again over the years. it’s not something she is even consciously aware of, it’s mostly just something that happens. or at least that’s how it started out. even to this day it can be difficult for venice to understand what a mutually beneficial relationship looks like, but that doesn’t mean she’s incapable of learning. for a long time, the people who wanted to be in her life also wanted access to the lavish lifestyle that follows her. this often meant that so many of venice’s ‘friendships’ were hollow, and merely existed to the benefit of the other person. it took awhile before venice started to realize that all of the trips she took people on, the random shopping sprees, the VIP bottle service, the ‘borrowed’ gucci and hermes - it was all for nothing. it wasn’t until she graduated that all of this dawned on the girl, but it did. and while she still feels that aching need to be surrounded by others, to be validated in some way, she is far more guarded now and protective of herself; she isn’t just going to be used by anyone ever again, and that lesson is one she holds very close to her heart. which she’d personally describe as a cold one if only to protect it.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ reckless abandon: but … speaking of, like so many of our favorite little rich girls, venice has always been a rebellious one. it started when she was a sixteen year old who had access to her own limo and could go wherever the hell she wanted. she had met plenty of other affluent sons and daughters of her parent’s pals by that point, and they had their own sort of ‘code’ amongst them. she started experimenting with drugs and alcohol at an early age and since it was what everyone else was doing, it allowed her to be a part of the club, and that’s what she was searching for. it warranted attention from the paparazzi, from these other so-called ‘friends’ of hers. her beach house in the hamptons was her playground every weekend during the summer and it was good she had a maid service on speed dial because after her friends were through on a sunday night, it was necessary. she'd grown to essentially need a bottle of titos if she were going out or a few bumps to get her through a night, and it was incredibly unhealthy, but it was one of those staples that made her feel better. even for a little. even in fleeting moments.

when she was graduating from her private academy and just turning 18, the need and desire to escape her family's imposing pressures and lack of care grew deeply. she knew that she wanted to escape to the west coast, and after spending far too many weekends jet-setting all over the country, the dry heat that filed the arizona air was appealing to her. she was miles away from her parent's, but still close enough to the beach and access to all the funds she could ever ask for. she was a party girl who barely attended classes and it was her family name that mostly got her through the couple of years that she even attended. she spent most of her time shopping, getting high, and drinking all night long. perhaps what was the most shocking was the relationship venice found herself in. he was a football player, older, undoubtedly gorgeous, and one of the kindness people venice had ever met ... up until meeting mason, she had basically only been surrounded by people who wanted to use her and didn't genuinely give a shit about her at the end of the day; they were in it for themselves, and mason was the exact opposite. he considered her, was far more mature than most of the people she'd ever spent time with, and she latched onto that breath of positivity and openness that was mason davis. even till this day, her relationship with mason was the longest one she'd ever found herself in, and to put it simply: she fell in love and she fell hard. some of her fondest memories were cheering him on at every game, celebrating the wins, and introducing him to anyone she could who was in the professional scene because she believed in him more than anyone else. he was unlike anyone she'd ever met before and cared for him more than she could understand; he was her first true relationship, someone who deserved to be her one and only, and while it terrified her how much she felt for him, she thought it was all reciprocal - so what was there to worry about? well, the night to worry came. and it was when mason broke up with her - supposedly, with his graduation date coming, he wanted to spare her the hurt ... but, in reality, all it did was shatter the girl's heart at twenty years old and it's never fully recovered since.

it didn't take long for venice to go off the deep end after the breakup ... being at the university of arizona was way too much, and every memory that used to bring her nothing but happiness was tainted. every ounce of personal growth that she had worked on seem to vanish overnight, and she was just angry, and hurt, and it was like all of those moments her parents made her feel like she wasn't enough - they were right. and still ... she needed home, to go home, to be surrounded by people who she was familiar with and who she knew would let her lean on them ... even if there were only a couple of people back home who'd comfort her, even if it was just lucca, she needed to go back to the city she knew like the back of her hand. even to be surrounded by people who'd pretend to care about her just for a night in her lifestyle. so she put in a transfer application to NYU, and yet again, it was her family name and pedigree that got her into the school. and attending NYU ... well it wasn't much better and when she first started at UoA. she’d hook up with anyone who she deemed interesting and the next night she was onto someone new. she was almost desperate in getting over mason in the only way she knew how ... getting under someone else. and she did a whole lot of that. everyone knew who she was on the party scene and you either hated venice or loved venice - but no matter what, you knew who she was. and that's how she survived her last two years ... making the rounds, living it up, partying and relying on her favorite substances .. it wasn't good, and it wasn't pretty, but it was what she knew best and that's what she reverted to at the time.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ riptide: anytime she could garner his parent’s attention with her reckless escapades, it was a win. that’s what she wanted. she wanted their attention, no matter what way she could get it, and there was something extremely fun in the process of getting it. but as she got older, her parents stopped caring as much. they knew venice wasn’t making healthy choices, spent too much time partying and out all night rather than studying, that she probably was crying over for something or someone, but that wasn’t what they were most concerned with. no, they were more concerned with the tabloids and the family’s reputation - that’s why they weren't paying venice any attention while she was away at NYU. they’d threaten to cut her off and that she would no longer be apart of their family if she continued to act this way in public. whether it was in a headline or on social media, she was being filmed and photographed acting out and being a truly spoiled brat which wasn’t the image that her family so desperately sought to protect.

*:･ﾟ･✧･this is growing up: it has been a true emotional rollercoaster between venice and her parents - constantly struggling to support their daughter and ‘set her on the right path’ versus venice’s ‘devil may care’ attitude. so many of her parents threats have been empty, and she had never truly thought that in all of their attempts to get her to be the picture perfect daughter that they wanted that they’d cut her off and force her to fend for herself. but, that’s exactly what happened. after graduating NYU with a degree in marketing, venice figured that her parents were get her in to one of the top agencies in the city and she would be able to live out her life with the top dogs like her father had. and for a long time, that is exactly what her parents had promised her. but then her graduation came and it was just after that she had pulled her biggest stunt and had stripped down on top of the bar at one of her parent’s fundraising events during a drunken stupor. that was truly a turning point in her relationship with her parents, considering just how badly she embarrassed them at their own fundraising event. and truly it all stemmed from that desire to be seen by them, by anyone, to be considered at all. the most they were concerned with when it came to venice was where she was going to be working and later living. they didn’t care that she was depressed, covering it up with partying and alcohol, that she wanted their love to be expressed and to feel as though she belonged to a real family. and she’s always known her life is wonderful compared to so many others, and there is guilt that comes from that, too, but still she couldn’t stop herself from acting out when she needed attention the most. and that is when her parents ultimately decided to cut her off - freeze her accounts, reposses her car, and force her to get a job that would actually put her back into the real world.

*:･ﾟ･✧･out here on my own: and really, that is how venice has ended up in chicago in the first place. the medinas are friends with the malnatis, and they agreed to take her on as an employee through the employee housing program and to ( most importantly ) get her away from mommy & daddy and out of The City. it’s the first time in her life where she’s without friends, money, or any sort of support. honestly, she feels quite abandoned by her family, as she looks at it like they got sick of dealing with her so they shipped her off elsewhere to be someone else’s problem. the resentment is there, and now more than ever venice is determined to show her parents that she doesn’t need them or their money, that she’s going to be capable of being on her own and working a medial job like being a maid without crawling back to them. sure, she’s going to hate cleaning up after people when she used to have a nanny who would tidy up her own place, as she truly has been spoiled, but she’s determined to grin and bare it before going back home. besides, so much of her life has been focused on gaining their attention, approval, to be validated by anyone, to be seen as something more than just a pretty face with a fat bank account … and while she hasn’t always helped herself to be seen in any other light, she’s consumed by the idea of doing so now. this is the first time in venice’s life where she isn’t under her parent’s thumb. where she isn’t constantly under the influence of some substance. where she isn’t doing something insanely foolish or unhealthy to try and gain the favor of someone whos approval requires chasing. she’s really just getting to live within her own skin, be herself and figure out what that looks like.

after working at the malnati for a handful of months, it was a family emergency that landed her back in new york ... her grandfather had passed, the true patriarch of the family, and that came with a lot of 'passing of the guard' within the medina family enterprise. it meant funerals, and meetings with lawyers, and memorial services, and rekindlings with her brother, and public appearances, and making statements and being interviewed for magazines, and it was then that venice had truly learned of her position in her family. while her grandfather had left her stock options in her name when he passed, and plenty for her to be able to live comfortably off of for the rest of her life, it was so written that it was contingent upon her father's disbursement of the stocks when he deemed she was so fit to handle them. so it was even in death, her family did not trust her enough to be able to handle herself. she was still considered reckless, unreliable, and unworthy of holding a stake in medina international ... while it wasn't anything new or surprising to venice, it still hurt just the same. because she'd spent the past year working on herself, away from the pressures of being a medina, separated from her family and essentially disowned by her own parents and even still, she found herself at their mercy once more. it would come at no surprise that she decided to leave it all behind her once more ... which is why she's returned to chicago, not as a guest at the malnati, but as an employee. as someone with aspirations and desires to move up in the world, once more on her own, once more with a heart she's nursing from lovers she's had to say goodbye to, once again without the support of her family, and furthermore with the wrath and persistence only a medina can procure.

*:･ﾟ･✧･it’s a new dawn: she still gives into her pleasures, whether that be sex or art or dancing, all of which she’s never been able to kick but she manages them well and enjoys them all the same. she is still a good time, someone fun to be around, and is always willing to get the party started no matter where she is. she’s kind of done it all, and while some of that has been left behind now that she’s got some different focuses in life, venice knows what makes her feel best and doesn’t want to deprive herself of that, either. she’s currently obsessed with her taking dance classes and is constantly updating her instagram followers on all that she can show them when she’s in the studio. after taking ballet classes for most of her life, she is quite good and likes to indulge in those, but her latest passion has been in salsa and hip hop. it’s not only a great workout to keep herself in shape but she likes the way she feels when she’s doing it, too. and piano lessons were big in her household, as her parents wanted her to be educated in the arts too, so she’s kept a keyboard lying around her things in case she ever feels a spark of desire to mess around on the keys.

*:･ﾟ･✧･it’s a new day: mostly, venice is a guarded gal who loves to have a good time and will absolutely give anyone a hard time when they deserve it. she’s dramatic, to a fault, and she knows it and could not care less. to quote, “i am who i am, and if you don’t like it then there’s the door.”. she’s loyal to the people that she decides she wants to have in her life, but will be very cautious about those she doesn’t trust right away, which can stem from some kind of experience of her own judgement since she does tend to operate off of preconceived notions of people until proven otherwise. and despite being crass, she can also be rather charming, and is a sociable person at her core so she will be willing to strike up conversations with whoever - but whether the conversation goes well or not is another thing. her ultimate weakness though is pretty people, as she is attracted to both men and women, and likes to engage in all kinds of relationships with anyone she thinks is attractive and interesting. so if she starts flirting with you, she has every intention on getting to know you one way or another. in truth, venice has a good heart, and it’s simply masked by a lot of vibrato and insecurity. her biggest fear is not being enough, and that’s so much of the reason why she’s never really tried to be anything. but since being cut off, and repeatedly cast aside by her family, she’s found this rejuvenated sense of desire to prove everyone wrong - that she is worth a damn, that she can work her way up the ladder and break out into the ‘real world’ on her own, that she’s enough.

also if you got this far honestly thank you asdkfalf i do not deserve you lmfao this has been a journey and if you had to suffer through all the typos i’ve likely made, i owe you <3

#malnatiooc #+ ( introduction * . )#here we go :~)

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carterharcourt · 6 years ago

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hey everyone! this is hanna speaking, i hail from the gmt+1 timezone and use she/her pronouns. i'm a quarter of a century *sobs* and i'm working on my residency so my schedule is kind of a mess but fear not, roleplaying is above my social life (but this is socializing too, no?) anyway, i bring my baby carter and now i'll stop talking about myself and give him all the attention.

( jeremy irvine, cis-male ) did you hear how CARTER HARCOURT is applying to columbia university as a SLAVIC LANGUAGES major ?! the 24 year old is living in the CARLTON ARMS. i heard that they got in because they are +SELF-CONFIDENT and +CULTURED, but honestly i think HE can be -SARCASTIC and -MISTRUSTFUL. they’re a real POLYGLOT. oh well, only time will tell if the GRADUATE will make it til the end.

connections ● stats ● full bio (probably not written yet)

TW: alcoholism, death

my boy carter harcourt comes from london, england but grew up between london and washington dc

the son of one of britain's top journalists and a museum curator, the eldest of three

his father was a very famous and important journalist who worked for several newspapers as well as a news anchor for the BBC, his work was the main reason why carter spent some time in dc as he was a white house correspondent for the BBC.

regardless of how genius and loved his father was, carter actually loathes him. he was never too present in their lives, and not really because of work but mostly because he spent his free time getting wasted (he was very good to conceal his problem that only his family knew about his alcoholism) and when he did spend time with his family he was a major dick,

from a young age, carter decided he loved words but especially he loved learning languages. by the age of ten he already could speak fluent spanish, french and italian.

disliked school and in a way, he still does as he is mostly self-taught but since she began studying what he likes, he is not so negative about it anymore

wanted to become a tennis pro when he was younger, and he made it to the junior tour but decided to quit that to go to university

attended cambridge where he obtained a degree in linguistics, while he loved his classes he hated his time there as most people only saw him as william harcourt's son and constantly told him how much they admired his father.

tw: alcoholism & death

one year before graduation, his father was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease brought on because of alcohol but he pulled through after he spent some months in rehab (which the people outside his family never found out).

however, once out of the center, he continued to drink non-stop and his health only worsened and passed away one year after his graduation.

months after he was forced by his mother to give out a hypocrite eulogy, he packed up his bags and moved to new york after being accepted into a ma in slavic studies.

he currently is an intern at the united nations where he helps translate documents and conferences

hates to talk about his father, and hates, even more, when people approach him to tell him what a great man he was.

his biggest secret is that ever since the death of his father he had found comfort in alcohol and is starting to develop into a bigger problem

personality-wise, he is the kind of guy that loves talking and loves learning new things out of conversations, he can be either the most starry-eyed idealist or the bitterest of cynics. he can often be considered self-absorb but he would never look down upon others. he can be very sarcastic and sometimes his humor is misunderstood. he enjoys a good party but he is probably also the kind of guy that takes a book to a party in case it gets boring.

&&. connections

So, here are some ideas and maybe someday when i’m not this lazy i’ll make a proper page but meanwhile this will do

any family member; he has two younger siblings (a sister and a brother) and also let's add some cousins to the mix

best friends; gimme some brotps so i can tag and break my brain creating a tag for them

childhood friend; from when he lived in london or dc

enemies; bc i live for the drama ok? and also despite his perfect bone structure, he does have the talent to irritate some people

roommates; he is in carlton arms

protege: because he's the older brother, he sometimes feels the need of protecting other people.

library buddies; my son spends a lot of time there and listen it's like the breakfast club but in the library and with no detention just studying bc lame.

party/drinking buddy; he loves a good party (living my lack of social life through him lol) or if the party scene is too chaotic for you, maybe they can be just drinking buddies in a quiet bar

friends with benefits; what is a connection page without this one?

ex-girlfriend; did i mention i am an angst addict? well, now you know. gianna carvahlo

flirtationship; he can flirt in over ten languages, so...

love-hate; hanna, gezz, you are so thirsty for angst. well, yes i am and this is my favorite kind. this could be frenemies too

after reading my best-seller, let me know if you want to plot or like this and i will send you a message

#columbiaintro #damn hanna what a novel #hmu to plot #or i can hit you up

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badgertablet · 6 years ago

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but snad is the best tho!!!!!!!1 jk i like him but hes a trash monster

MOOD. i love him a lot; he was really important to me when i was younger because we were both pretty similar (ex, made a lot of funny puns, pretty lazy, a total goober, etc) and because the whole fandom seemed to totally love him

im not trying to like…. totally desecrate his character, but aside from the whole fandom making him into like,,, a sex god,, i have problems with his canon character?

like in the first interaction you see of him with pap pap says ‘why does someone as great as me have to do so much for some recognition???’ and sans just makes a pun. sans knows the context of this– pap doesn’t have any friends, he doesn’t even have a proper sentry station, and usually has to push and push for people to acknowledge him (him staying all night outside of undyne’s house). in my opinion papyrus is actually genuinely upset and sensitive about his lack of ‘recognition’ (aka social interaction and acceptance) but is just trying to play it off as banter. and sans has all the context fir this!!! and he doesn’t comfort him or anything just makes a very obvious reused joke !!! then when sans is supposed to have a puzzle prepared for the human there’s just a newspaper crossword/puzzle on the ground… papyrus was totally expecting sans to actually have done something and sans just,,, lets him down? and pap just lets it slide???

AND THEN when pap says that he thinks the junior jumble is much more difficult than a crossword sans says ‘woah, really dude? that easy-peasy word scramble? that’s for baby bones.’ which is just. insulting. considering that papyrus most likely has poor eyesight (him not seeing the human next to the lamp, mistaking the human for a rock, etc) the junior jumble would be so much more difficult for him because all of the letters are smushed close together while the crossword simply has boxes that he can easily count and a prompt for a word. lemme just say that the junior jumble being easier isn’t an intellect thing because papyrus says that compared to a crossword it’s much more difficult which is ridiculous bc crosswords require literacy, linguistics, and being able to think of context/similarities for prompts. (also i know i KNOW pap says he ‘fills the squares with z’s’ but that’s just the lead up to the joke of ‘all i can do is snore!!’ its a joke guys im like 100% sure he actually does crosswords)

there are literally so many other examples but what i’m trying to say through all my angry ranting about misconceptions about pap is that sans is kinda a crappy brother. he doesn’t really comfort his bro, and only gives him really general compliments like ‘my bro is so cool’ which is like… nice and loving but he could be more specific lmao? (i don’t doubt sans actually thinks that pap is great, he just sucks at showing it) he gets much better at expressing his gratitude and love towards pap when pap isn’t around, like how when he takes you to grillby’s he says ‘he’s a real star’ and ‘it’s nice to have someone call you out on your laziness’ and he literally spends the majority of the day at grillby’s. (’nah, i haven’t had breakfast in at least half an hour. you must be thinking of brunch.’ how he very casually says ‘hey, everyone’ and everyone responds. how he has a tab that has presumably being added on for a while. his dying line of ‘welp. i’m going to grillby’s. papyrus, do you want anything?’ instead of like wanting to go home/see papyrus one last time/literally anything except grillby’s. /also the ‘do u want anything’ line is literally so dumb because pap canonly hates grillby’s and the only thing he ever orders when he goes there is a glass of milk so WHY would sans ask that? sans knows that bc the only way pap would ever set foot into that greasetrap would be because of sans!!!! it just seems condescending bc he’s ignoring pap’s personal preferences. i kind of think he only said that to try and tug on the human’s heartstrings so they would reset bc ‘ohhhh he misses his brother the last thing on his mind was papyrusssssss!!’/)

he’s kinda a sucky brother but he really does love pap, and that’s what makes him such an interesting, 3-d character!! i love this bony gremlin

#papyrus #sans #badger_replies #skellbros #skelebros #i was gonna write /hes trying his best/ but he really isnt so #i do love him guys #i just dislike how he's treated as a perfect character bc it's annoying and insulting

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leatherjacketvan · 6 years ago

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5/25/18

[REQUESTED]

“i actually requested this before but maybe it never actually sent bc the app is faulty :-// but maybe you’re a singer as well, music you wouldn’t expect like BANKS or something but Van publicly says he likes you and is a massive fan or whatever? Fans go crazy and start shipping, eventually meeting, lots of cuteness!!?”

- - - - -

Hope you enjoy! Not my best work but because exams had been stressing me tha fucc out but school is over! So expect better writings in your near future! :)

- - - - -

It all started with a sentence.

“Yeah she’s great, I love her.”

And ever since those few simple words were spoken. The media had been in a frenzy over making Van and Y/N a ‘thing.’ She didn’t even know who he was at the time. So when Y/N’s PR manager told her about the boost in her ratings and the extreme rise in her popularity on social media platforms due to the interview, she was left completely awestruck.

“Wait, who is this again?” She asked Gwen. Her longtime good friend as well has her PR manager. She didn’t like to consider Gwen, her ‘manager.’ The same way she didn’t like to consider her fans, fans. They were all supportive friends in her eyes. And she valued them all the same.

“His name is Van. . . Lead singer of Catfish and the Bottlemen.” Gwen replied.

“Catfish and the Bottlemen? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them before.” Y/N said as Gwen handed her a tablet playing the very interview of Van talking about Y/N and her music.

“She’s amazing. Something about her music just really stands out to me. Not something many artists these days do, ya know? I think she shows a certain sort of vulnerability that’s still really mysterious, so people are able to relate to it. I really admire her. So I’d say. . . Yeah, she’s great, I love her.”

Y/N was taken aback with shock as well as the feeling of fulfillment. In all honesty, she was flattered that someone way better respected in the music industry would say such endearing things.

“Well, he’s definitely heard of you.” Gwen giggled as Y/N handed her back the tablet.

“What happens now?” Y/N questioned.

“I suppose only time will tell. . .”

- - - - -

2 years later.

In two years a lot had changed. And that was putting it lightly. Y/N had come out with her sophomore album that people seemed to love more than the first. Her following had boomed dramatically. And the whole ‘Y/N and Van’ concurrence had still been going on, however, had died down a little bit. The social media platform was practically the birth of their ‘relationship.’ Interviews had even occurred where questions upon questions about either Van or Y/N were mentioned. But even after all this time, the two still hadn’t met. Gwen called it a ‘forbidden romance’ Y/N said she didn’t believe in that.

The fans from both sides either loved the idea of Y/N and Van together or hated it. She didn’t really mind what the fans thought of the situation because they weren’t together. It was all some wild fantasy portrayed by a few simple words. She knew that’s how high-status life was lived. By rumors. Therefore, she tried to act like the whole issue didn’t exist. It wasn’t exactly the healthiest way to deal with it. But it was the easiest.

Van, on the other hand, did mind.

It bothered him more than he liked to admit to. He’d always been a helpless romantic. Anyone who knows him, knew that. But lately he found it hard to feel so intensely. The songwriting and nomadic lifestyle suited him well. He loved it. However, it drained him. Both emotionally and physically. So the fact the he could still even feel this way. Feel so passionately? It was like his heart was on viagra. He didn’t understand it. It frustrated him at times. But in a way, he was glad that he felt this way. He loved the idea of Y/N. He loved the way she smiled, and the music she made. It was nice to think about an idea that maybe, just maybe he could still fall in love. Maybe with her? Maybe with someone who could understand what he’s feeling. It was just a thought. A wild one at best. But it was comforting. So it never really left his mind. The idea of her was always there in the back of his brain. He never let it go.

Y/N had just started her tour for her new album. She had a lot of sleepless nights and didn’t really have time to think about where she was headed, who she was seeing, and what she was doing. After two months, she finally got a break. She got a week to rest up before she had to fly back to the States for the second part of the tour. . . Or at least she thought she did.

“Oh my god!” Gwen screamed from the hotel bed right next to Y/N’s.

Y/N had finally come down from her caffeine high that had been keeping her awake these past few weeks and was finally able to doze off. She was just on the verge of some peaceful rest when she heard Gwen yell.

“Oh my god, what!?” Y/N retorted, a little frustrated from lack of sleep.

“Guess who’s in town?” Gwen blurted, excitedly.

“Gwen, you know I’m no good at guessing stuff.” Y/N sighed heavily.

“It’s your boyfriend!” Gwen squealed.

“My who?” Y/N replied, dumbfounded.

“Catfish and the Bottlemen are playing here! Tomorrow!” Gwen said.

“Oh, not this stuff again. . . He said he liked my music like. . . Two years ago. . . How is that still relevant?”

“Oh, honey, when it comes to celebrity gossip. Rumors never die.” Gwen replied.

“What rumors?” Y/N replied, once again, dumbfounded. She never paid much attention to social media.

“Oh. . . Just how you’re dating. . . or how you’re possibly engaged. . . or that you might be having his baby. . ? It’s absolutely crazy some of the lies people are able to sell to the public.” Gwen said.

Y/N laughed at the absolutely ridiculous situation she now found herself in.

“So what does this mean? I meet up with him? Go out with him? What if he’s an asshole? What if he doesn’t even actually like me?” Y/N questioned with a raised brow.

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” Gwen said.

“Yeah. . . And how is that?”

“In the two minutes we’ve been talking, I already bought tickets to the show and sent an email to their PR manager,” Gwen smirked.

Y/N groaned dramatically. “You know I love you. . . But right now I think I really really hate you.”

Internally Y/N was screaming with anxiety and nerves. She really didn’t want to meet Van. She felt it would stir up more rumors and give her even more attention than she already gets from just being these days. But she also was relieved. Relieved it might finally all be over. That meeting this ‘Van’ from ‘Catfish and the Bottlemen’ would put the rumors to rest.

She had a lot of faith to test.

- - - - -

The next day

Y/N still hid the fact that she was fearful of the what the night would entail. She sat on her balcony overlooking the beautiful city with a bottle of rum and a glass. She was pre-gaming as well as trying to kill the nerves built up inside of her.

It was around time to leave to go to the show. Gwen had managed VIP access so that they wouldn’t get spotted in the crowd and become trampled. Gwen also managed a private meetup with the band. The thought of that made Y/N’s whiskey glass go bottoms up.

Y/N decided to dress casual. It was warm outside. She settled for a pair of slacks and a cropped blouse. She wore light makeup, trying to remain as natural and as casual as possible. She didn’t want to meet him in full glamor or anything intense. She wanted to be as real as she could manage. Maybe he would see that. . . and not be interested. Maybe he would see that Y/N’s not all she makes herself out to be. That really everything about her is the media’s facade of who she really is. And that she’s very normal like everyone else.

Gwen and Y/N walked majority of the way. Y/N insisted on fresh foreign air. But Gwen insisted on a taxi after walking for three blocks, because she decided she was going to wear heels on their three-mile walk to the arena just to stand in said heels for the entire concert as well as the private aftershow. Gwen’s priorities weren’t always straight but she tried her best.

When they arrived at the arena, Y/N and Gwen snuck around back. Gwen introduced herself to security and they escorted the both of them to the backstage entrance.

“Wow. I don’t think I’ve performed on a stage this big before.” Y/N mumbled, awestruck.

“You will one day.” Gwen smiled.

Y/N smiled back. Gulping down the nervousness one last time.

By the time they got there the band was halfway through their set. They sat on the side of the stage. Y/N remained cautious about staying out of the way of any potential camera angles that could spot her. She moved along to the rhythm, next to her was Gwen making a whole mess of herself. They both drank about the same amount. Y/N was always better at holding her liquor though. Gwen was a lightweight. She was even more fun and quirky when intoxicated. So the fact that she was doing the robot to Cocoon was no surprise. Y/N occasionally glanced over at Gwen, only to look back on the four lads performing their hearts out on stage. She didn’t expect to get Van’s attention till after the show. But when he saw her, his heart sank. He looked over at the side of the stage where she was standing. Missing a few verses of the song. He almost forgot where he was when he saw her face. In person. Finally. Her.

He knew that she was coming to the show that night. But that still somehow managed to catch him off guard. So he put on his best cologne despite the fact he was just going to sweat it off. He wore a white button up with the top button undone and a pair of skinny jeans.

He tried to look as proper as he could when he first met her. Hoping she’d noticed that he tried on his appearance, just for her.

When the set was over. Y/N and Gwen had disappeared. He said his goodbyes and they all walked off the stage. They all made it back to the dressing room where they were greeted by their PR manager, Y/N, and Gwen.

Gwen went up and introduced herself. Y/N waved a shy ‘hello.’ She stood back as Gwen stated her relationship to Y/N and the situation they had found themselves in. How they just happened to be in the city and knew that after all the media coverage it would be great to finally meet the band. Y/N nodded in agreement. But didn’t say anything.

They all took seats on the dressing room couches. Y/N sat next to Gwen who sat next to Bondy. An instant spark occurred between the two. They were both flirts. He was contempt and casual. She was the total opposite. But opposite in a way that would attract one another. Every in the room took note of that.

The night carried on, everyone drank and drank. The liquor seemed never-ending. She didn’t even realize how much she had to drink until nausea washed over her. It was something that happened when she used substances to avoid her problems. It was like a way of her grief telling her to ‘deal with it the right way.’

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go grab a smoke.” Y/N mumbled.

Van was laid back in his comfy chair when he finally heard her. The whole night she had just been going along with the conversation. She never really put her input on things. When Van talked. Which was a lot less than he usually did. She never gave him direct eye contact. He didn’t expect things to go like this. He always expected her to be very extroverted and confident. Which she didn’t display any signs of at all. She was so reserved and poise. He didn’t need to know her to know that wasn’t her. So when she mentioned going out for a smoke he took his shot.

“Want me to join?” He asked.

“No, it’s alright.” She replied.

“I think the fresh air will be nice.” She spoke getting up abruptly. Leaving. No one seemed to notice. They were all to busy in conversation to really care. But Van did.

Y/N quickly paced through the backstage area of the amphitheater. She found the exit that led her into the alleyway that she came in. She walked towards the street light. It was quiet outside. So quiet she could hear the wind sway. She didn’t even know the time, but it was late enough for even the nightlife to have had died down. She tried to take a deep breath. But was stopped by the rumbling in her stomach. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, or how much liquor she had consumed. Her nerves were still there. It was all too much. So much that it expelled out of her like vomit. Literally.

This is not how she had planned her night to go. And that only made it worse was the. . .

“Jesus, are you okay love?”

Coming from behind her.

“Fuck.” She muttered as she wiped the gunk off her chin.

Her eyes were all watered up and she just felt like taking a nap on the very ground beneath her and wishing this night had never happened.

She felt hands on her shoulders helping her stand still as she slowly stood back up straight.

“Yeah, I’m fine. All good.” She said, shakily.

“I think I’m just going to call a cab.” Y/N spoke to Van as she reached for her phone.

Van just looked at her with this sort of hurt in his eyes. She quickly looked away. She held down the home button on her phone. But it was dead. Of course.

“I’m going to call us a cab, love. Make sure you get home safe.” Van spoke softly.

This what not what Y/N had expected him to be like. So calm and caring. Maybe he wasn’t the hypothetical asshole after all.

Van called a cab and gave them the address. Y/N curled up against the brick wall beside her and tried to calm down.

‘This isn’t really happening.’

‘This is all just some fucked up dream. . . Right?’

Van crouched down beside her. Handing her a half-empty bottle of water.

“Here, I usually bring one with me to put my butts out in. I think you probably need it more than I do though.” He grinned nervously.

Y/N took the kind gesture and shyly took the bottle from Van’s hand. Gulping it down and sighing.

“I’m sorry, this is. . . So, so embarrassing.” Y/N muttered looking at the ground.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind. . . I mean this isn’t what I expected our first time meeting to be like, but. . . well, life is pretty unexpected.” He said.

Y/N chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so. . .” She spoke.

She looked over at Van, making eye contact this time. He looked at her back. She never knew how blue his eyes were until she saw them under a full moon in the early morning hours. A very rare occurrence at best.

“You got a little something.” He mumbled as he slowly moved his hand towards her cheek. He used his thumb to wipe the tear dripping down her face. She hadn’t really been crying. It was more of a physiological reaction to when she became stressed. Or maybe that was her dumb excuse for ‘I’m not crying.’

She gave off a shy laugh and a sniffle. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He replied with a grin.

They sat in a short moment of silence until the taxi pulled up. Van held the door for her as she not-so-agilely, plopped into the seat. Instantly leaning her head against the window.

Van got in behind her. And they drove off back to the hotel.

- - - - -

When they arrived he got out and opened the door for her once again. He slung his arm behind her to help as she sloppily walked towards the entrance of her hotel.

“Van, you really don’t have to do this. I got it from here.” She said secretly embarrassed.

“I don’t mean to spook ya, but you’re really drunk Y/N. I don’t know if you’ll be able to find your own room. . . I’ll walk you there, and then we never have to see each other again.”

“Why would you want that?” Y/N retorted.

“Oh- I assumed. . . That’s what you wanted.” Van spoke shyly.

“Of course not. I’d love to see you again. Just. . . on better terms.” She groaned as another wave of nausea hit.

Van smiled. Internally his heart felt like exploding.

“Of course.” He replied.

Van helped Y/N as they stumbled up to her room. Walking up the stairs because the hotel was ‘Rustic’ themed and decided against elevators.

When they made it to her room she fidgeted in her bag for her key card. Once she grabbed it she turned around to face Van, who was really close.

Face to face they stood. After all this time. All the controversy. All the rumors. They stood here. Together. He thought it was just a dream she did too but in a totally different construct.

“Thank you.” She murmured to him. Meeting him in the eye.

“No problem. Anytime.” He chuckled back. Putting his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Y/N said.

“Course.”

“Would you mind hugging me? I feel really weak from all the barf and stuff. Sometimes it helps.” She said in all seriousness.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her. He held her tight. Lightly tracing his lips on her forehead.

She slowly inched her arms around his waist and there they stood. In a foreign country.

Together.

After all this time.

She slowly let go. His heart ached a big ‘no’. Knowing that he’d have to get on a plane that afternoon. Not knowing the next time he’d see her face.

“Goodnight, Van.” She spoke softly as she disappeared into her dark room like an apparition in the night light.

“Goodnight.” He replied. As the door slowly shut.

Till next time. . .

Goodnight.

#vanmccann #McCann #catb #Catfish and the Bottlemen #van mccann #fanfiction #fanfic #request

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bloojayoolie · 6 years ago

Photo

Apparently, Bailey Jay, and Children: KING OF THE BALL WITH PERFECT MANNERS it Very Fun ASPEN #31263 * 3 yrs old * 46 lbs Waiting to play and cuddle @ Manhattan ACC AN ALL AROUND TOTAL AND COMPLETE DELIGHT!W TO BE KILLED - 11/17/2018 *** POOR ASPEN HAD BEEN IN ACC FOSTER CARE SINCE 6/26/18 - NOW DUMPED BACK AND ON THE LIST O DIE -- PLEASE SHARE THIS SWEET BABY **** A volunteer writes: “Aspen is lots of fun to be with. He is an energetic, active and playful little guy who is the King of the Ball but also a very obedient pooch who sits and poses like a perfect little choir boy! A kennel is not his place and like his given name suggests, I can see him hiking mountains and skiing down the peaks. He runs at a great speed after the ball rather than jumping after it, and loves to lay down to mull it in his mouth. Aspen is really a happy camper in the yard! He is a very cute and medium-sized little guy, so attractive in his grey suit, and who wears quite smartly any outfit you might have for him. He is good on the leash, likely house trained and proper with dogs neared in the street. Aspen is an athletic young pooch who loves action but appreciates cuddles and sweet talks once his batteries are depleted after a good chase or a ball game. If you want an active companion and best four legged friend, Aspen is the one who will fulfill your dreams. Come and meet him soon at the Manhattan Care Center!” PRIVATE MESSAGE our page or email us at [email protected] for assistance saving his life. Aspen is counting on us, each and every one, to make sure he finds a safe haven. HIS ADORABLE VIDEOS: In playgroup with Ebony! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl_Sm5aIBpg Playing with his ball! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22g7gIJdMEE&feature=youtu.be ASPEN, ID 31263 @ 3 Yrs. Old, 55 lbs. Brooklyn ACC, Large Mixed Breed, Gray / White, NeuteredMale I came to the shelter as an Impound, 15-June-2018 Shelter Assessment Rating: New Hope Rescue Only Intake Behavior Rating: 1. Green AT RISK MEMO: Aspen has been diagnosed with canine infectious respiratory disease complex which is contagious to other dogs and may require a course of antibiotics. Behaviorally, we recommend he be placed in an experienced pet home. Aspen is at risk for medical and behavior, he was diagnosed with canine infectious respiratory disease complex which will require rest and in home care. Behaviorally, Aspen is weary around new people growling and snapping at times and has been noted to react to other dogs while on leash lunging, barking and growling. We Recommend New Hope placement. INTAKE NOTE, 15-JUNE-2018: Surrendered by caretaker. Aspen was left with the cousin of the Owner for several months and original Owner never came back. SURRENDER NOTES – BASIC INFORMATION (latest – back from foster care): Means of surrender (length of time in previous home): In foster home for 5 months. Aspen snaps or growls if strangers reach over his head quickly. He is reactive on leash to other dogs. Aspen had an incident where a person who he knew was petting him and he froze and growled. He gets excited to meet new people but will hard bark at them after a few seconds of them petting him. SHELTER ASSESSMENT – DATE OF ASSESSMENT 6/18/2018 Look:: 1. Dog leans forward or jumps up to lick the Assessor's face with tail wagging, ears back and eyes averted. Sensitivity:: 1. Dog stands still and accepts the touch, eyes are averted, and tail is in neutral position with a relaxed body posture. Dog's mouth is likely closed for at least a portion of the assessment item. Tag:: 2. Dog is not fearful, but is unresponsive when touched. Approaches the Assessor when the game ends (may need coaxing to approach). Dog is focused on stimuli other than the Assessor. Paw squeeze 1:: 2. Dog quickly pulls back. Paw squeeze 2:: 2. Dog quickly pull back. Flank squeeze 1:: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2:: Item not conducted Toy:: 1. Dog settles close, keeps a firm grip and is loose and wiggly. Dog does not place his/her body between you and the toy. Summary:: Aspen quickly approached the assessor with a soft body and jumped up on the assessor in a social manner. He was distracted during the assessment, sniffing the floor, but also displayed a high level of activity and jumped up several times. He allowed all handling. PLAYGROUP NOTES – DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: Aspen has displayed social, playful behavior toward female dogs int he care center. He has appeared uncomfortable and offered appropriate warning signals when introduced to the helper male dog. The previous foster home reports that Aspen has played roughly with other dogs. A recent incident involving another dog in the dog park was described, where Aspen escalated toward another dog whilst seemingly unprovoked. It is recommended that any future interactions between Aspen and other dogs be conducted to well socialized dogs, and under close supervision, taking the prior observations into consideration. PLAYGROUP Summary (1):: 6/16: When introduced off leash to other dogs, Aspen follows the female dog, sniffing and posturing to mount. When she solicits play he engages in brief play. He ignores another male in the pen but when the male continues to attempt to greet face to face, Aspen offers a low growl and moves away. PLAYGROUP Summary (2):: 6/19-21: Aspen plays exuberantly with a female dog. PLAYGROUP Summary (3):: 11/9-10: Aspen plays exuberantly with female dogs. ENERGY LEVEL:: Aspen is a young, enthusiastic, social dog who will need daily mental and physical activity to keep him engaged and exercised. We recommend long-lasting chews, food puzzles, and hide-and-seek games, in additional to physical exercise, to positively direct his energy and enthusiasm. IN SHELTER OBSERVATIONS:: 6/25/2018 Update: Aspen remains social when interacting with handlers. He readily approaches to greet with a soft and loose body. Aspen lacks basic manners, jumping up high towards handlers (in a social manner) so we recommend positive, reward based training to aid in teaching Aspen impulse control. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: NEW HOPE ONLY Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Recommend no dog parks,Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children: Due to Aspen growling and snapping when novel people move quickly towards him, we recommend an adult only home. Place with a New Hope partner: Due to Aspen's behavior of growling and snapping at new people who reach to touch him, and having growled at a person he knew who was petting him, the behavior department recommends he be placed with a New Hope placement partner who is able to provide an experienced adult-only foster home. A period of decompression is recommended to allow Aspen to acclimate comfortably to his new environment; force-free, reward based training only is advised when introducing Aspen to new and unfamiliar situations. Consultation with a professional trainer/behaviorist is highly recommended for guidance to safely manage/modify any behavior Aspen presents with outside of the care centers. No do parks: Due to apparent selectiveness interacting with dogs in the care center (growling at the male helper), dog park settings are not recommended. Potential challenges: : Basic manners/poor impulse control,Fearful/potential for defensive aggression,On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration Potential challenges comments:: Basic manners/poor impulse control: Aspen displayed a high level of activity and jumping up during his assessment. It is recommended that default behaviors such as "Leave it", "Sit/Stay", "Down" are reinforced to substitute any frustration and teach him to control his impulses instead of simply reacting; proper management is also advised. Force-free, reward based training only is recommended. Fearful/potential for defensive aggression: Aspen has been reported to bark, growl, and sometimes snap when new people have pet him or moved too quickly towards him. Guidance from a professional trainer/behaviorist is recommended to assess behavior after decompression in a new home environment. Force-free, reward based training is advised when introducing or exposing Aspen to new and unfamiliar situations. On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration: Aspen has been observed to react to other dogs and things passing by while he is on leash, lunging towards them, barking and growling. Aspen may need positive reinforcement, reward based training to teach him to look at you rather than other dogs. We recommend a front clip harness or head halter to help manage this behavior. MEDICAL NOTES: 18/06/2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: ~2-3yrs based on PE Microchip noted on Intake? scanned negative by LVT on intake. MC placed on intake. History : Surrendered by caretaker. P was left with cousin of the O for several months and original O never came back Subjective / Observed Behavior - BAR, very excited! Jumps on people; loose body and tail wagging throughout exam. Evidence of Cruelty seen - none Evidence of Trauma seen - none Objective BCS 4.5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears have dry skin, crusting and ventral aspect; no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: dc 1/5; pd 1/5 -- muzzled. did not fully examine. PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: No murmur ausculted; CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: intact male. testicles smooth and symmetrical. minor scrotal irritation with crusting MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted; haircoat is dirty with multiple areas of alopecia (old scars and pressure points) CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: grossly normal. Assessment Apparently healthy dental disease dirty coat Prognosis: excellent Plan: ok for sx and adoption SURGERY: Okay for surgery 22/06/2018 Hx: Scheduled for neuter today S: Energetic, jumping around O: BAR, MMs pink -Sniffling -Moderate serous nasal discharge A: CIRDC likely P: Move to isolation -Doxycycline 200 mg PO SID x14 days -Cerenia 45 mg PO SID x4 days -Do not neuter today 1088 29/08/2018 Foster Exam History : In foster care, doing well S/O: BARH, active, reportedly growling at people in lobby, wagging tail and hyperaware, soft muzzle placed as precaution EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean but mild dry skin AU, no nasal or ocular discharge noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: Male, two scrotal testicles MSI: Ambulatory x 4, healthy hair coat, BCS 5/9 CNS: Mentation appropriate, no signs of neurologic abnormalities Assessment: Apparently healthy Plan: Recommend neuter SURGERY: Okay for surgery 31/08/2018 SO post op recheck. BAR in kennel. Incision site is clean and dry. A healing incision site P Continue to monitor in shelter. 14/11/2018 S/O pt BAR EENT – clear serous nasal dis-charge, no ocular discharge, mild nasal congestion, intermittent coughing Assessment - Suspected CIRDC “typical kennel cough” Plan - + Move to isolation + Enrofloxacin 10 mg/kg SID for 14 days + Doxycycline 10mg/kg PO SID for 14 days + Cerenia 2mg/kg PO SID for 4 days + Proviable 1 capsule SID x 5 days SID PO + Recheck in 7 days for resolvement and return to general population PROGNOSIS EXCELLENT *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** ASPEN IS RESCUE ONLY. You must fill out applications with New Hope Rescues to foster or adopt him. He cannot be reserved online at the ACC ARL, nor can he be direct adopted at the shelter. PLEASE HURRY AND MESSAGE OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE! HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Apparently #Bailey Ja

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agatharights · 7 years ago

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This is such a strange question, but Ive been thinking about mental illnesses and how it translate to cybertronians. So then I thought: how would a Cybertronian deal with an eating disorder? :S

For the sake of consistency, this is going to be specifically about bots in @tfmatrix and TF: The End/CRPH - two of my own settings. The fact is, we know jack goddamn shit about the actual biology/psychology of cybertronians in most settings, and what we do know is inconsistent as hell and depends on the writer, artist, and fandom interpretation, and I’m not gonna just slap anthropomorphism on them willy-nilly. So instead, we’re going to use my own worldbuilding, bc I actually have concrete answers for those!

Answers under the cut for WAY TOO MUCH length and Disordered Eating talk. This got…really wordy, in no small part because there’s a planned thing about this in Matrix After Dark.

The first thing that needs to be determined and maybe explained at least a little is Cybertronian physiology and psychology, particularly when it comes to food, fueling, digestion, all that fun stuff I love so much! One of the biggest differences is that food intake has, effectively, no baring on actual frame-weight for virtually all cybertronians. Except small individuals, such as mini-cons, may actually have a more obvious difference, but this is readily adjusted via their gravity field. Visual weight is also unaffected by fuel intake, except in a few very particular situations (which we’ll go into later.)

This means that some of the human drives that trigger certain eating disorders- namely weight and weight-specific cultural aspects, don’t have an actual equivalency among Cybertronians. There are weight-and-visual-weight related issues but these are expressed through bodily modification, and thus won’t be included here. In fact, an overfed bot will often weigh “less” after a certain point because their spark may be burning excess fuel by increasing their gravity field.

Cybertronian digestive systems vary a lot, between frametype and build groups, but they all tend to consist of the same basic bits: The intake, IE the mouth, proboscis, mandibles, input port in the throat or guts, where the fuel goes in. The fuel tank. Where fuel is stored and starts being processed- fuel tanks are typically divided and different forms of fuel are shunted into different portions to be broken down individually. The Spark is actually not just the ‘soul’, and where memory is stored, but it also functions as a vital part of the digestive system- through it’s own process, the Spark actually generates energon- converting other fuel sources to energon. There’s also more specialized organs, and also waste processes, but these three are gonna be the ones we focus on here.

There’s also a very muddy, gray-area divide between bots who have disordered eating as a result of social or mental pressure- versus those who have developed disordered eating as a result of the war itself: Most of the population has been in a state of frequent starvation ever since Cybertron’s fall started, and for much of the population the transition to requiring energon made other ways (which is quite a drain on resources, and does not produce perfectly equivalent energon as occurred naturally on Cybertron) was a rough one.

First off: Dysphoric Eating:

Many bots who were meant to live only on the purified, charged energon of Cybertron or of certain natures, or who had crystal-heavy diets, suddenly found that they had to find new sources of fuel and, frequently, they had to undergo physical modification in order to do so efficiently. This means that particularly during-and-post-war you have many bots with what I’m going to call dysphoric eating- individuals whose mental process of eating doesn’t match up with what their frame does or needs to do. This in particular results in self-starvation or ingesting otherwise inedible or unpalatable substances/objects, as fueling and digestion creates bodily dysphoria. Tastes may be registered continually as “wrong” or the actual sensation of different digestive components, such as modified tanks or the spark working differently, can cause discomfort or even perceived pain. Bots with dysphoric eating often either self-treat by finding unusual or particular fuel sources or fuel additives to ease symptoms, or may undergo medical adjustments or therapy to become more comfortable with the process.

(Two individuals who display symptoms of dysphoric eating in TF: Matrix would be Starscream and Arcee- Starscream will often try to refuse refueling with earthly fuels even when energon is scarce, and had developed an unusual taste for saltwater that can cause problems if he gives in to drinking it in excess. Arcee is very picky and often adds odd items she can’t actually digest properly to her fuel, in order to alter the taste or texture of it, and she also is oddly attracted to certain biofuels even though her frame cannot process them very efficiently. She particularly enjoys cooking oil, but Ratchet has to prevent her from indulging in it too much or else she’ll become ill.)

Binge Eating:

As a disclaimer, the disordered eating I have the most experience with is binge eating, particularly in conjunction with comfort eating and craving-based binge eating. Binge eating, like others, can be seen as being somewhat divided by bots who have a natural inclination towards it, and those who develop it as a defense mechanism during the war. This division is, like all others, more of a spectrum than anything else, but it can help us determine a few things. This also requires some extrapolation between bots who have frametypes designed to handle large amounts of fuel all at once, versus those who aren’t.

Insecticons, Predacons, and many larger frametypes are “designed” so to speak, to have binge eating as their natural behavior, and thus they suffer no ill effects from it. Their healthy behavior involves eating basically anything and everything they can at once, followed by longer periods of non-fueling or even of digesting fuel into certain specific forms of energon to be shared with others or stored externally (honey, effectively.) As such, actual binge eating disorders are rare amongst them and often times much be particularly extreme- such as eating until one is physically damaged or cannot physically intake any more repeatedly, or waiting until damage begins to set in by going too long between binge periods. Insecticons and Predacons and those with particularly adept digestive systems may see a lack of physical injury from these practices, as they can often digest…well, virtually anything.

In other bots, this manifests much as it does in humans- either with or without periods of starvation between binges. It can involve simply intaking any and all fuel available, energon or non, or even binging upon otherwise unnecessary substances- such as additives, metals, treats, minerals, etc etc.

Binge eating is also commonly associated with becoming overcharged/intoxicated, as the state of having too much energy to safely burn off, even with otherwise harmless fuels, can have a drug-like effect on Cybertronians. They may become antsy- overly friendly and affectionate or overly irritable, suffer from mood swings and will often go through a period of manic behavior, followed by depressive, fatigued “crash” states as their digestive systems try to take a desperate break from processing so much.

Behavioral adjustments and regular reminders or guidance to adhere to a healthy eating schedule is generally used to treat these, either through therapy or other means. Binge eating is, however, often seen as rather common in both short and long term post-war- there’s always the risk that there will be another period of starvation overhead, and overfueling whenever possible has the advantage of getting a bot through a potential starvation period, so there’s a fairly logical reason why it becomes a compulsion to many.

(As a point of difference, in matrix, we can use the characters Barricade and Bumblebee. Barricade is prone to bouts of binge fueling, during which he also often deliberately uses other intoxicants. As a result, his behavior during these periods is erratic and his health can suffer for it- versus Bumblebee, who seems to engage in binge eating behaviors- to the point of doing things like eating rocks and wood or other seemingly indigestible materials. Bumblebee, however, is insecticon in build, and thus not only can he digest many things a typical cybertronian cannot (even if it may take longer at times) he also tends to fall into a regular cycle of hunger/disinterest in fueling that doesn’t otherwise affect his health or behavior. If prompted, he will even process his excess fuel intake into other forms of energon that he can regurgitate for other bots.)

Anorexia Equivalent / Self-Starvation:

Less common among Cybertronians is the act of self-starvation or otherwise obsessive control over fuel intake. Admittedly, I have the least experience with this, and it’s one I haven’t gone into much, so it’ll be relatively brief, but mechanisms can and do deny themselves appropriate amounts of fueling. This is often done as an expression of control, or self-punishment- or as a response to having previously gone long periods without proper fuel- the need to store fuel for some later date stronger than the desire to not starve right now. I’m afraid I don’t have much information yet on this particular form of disordered eating, but that may change in the future!

#Anonymous #eating disorders cw #disordered eating cw #guess who's cleaning out her drafts #matrix: after dark #tf: matrix #transformers: matrix

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tori4thewin · 5 years ago

Text

Rabbit Care.

08152019

Diagnosed with Intermittent Soft Cecotropes. Thinning fur patches on Mopsy’s backside.

Treatment: all hay/grass diet 2 weeks - 3 months until stools return to normal. No treats.

Personal treatment plan:

DAILY

Change the litter box in the morning and evening. Extra hay.

Change the water twice a day.

Fresh cut grass every morning. Use scissors.

No fruit. ½ cup veg fed from hand every evening.��

MORNING

Change litter boxes, freshwater, measure pellets/oats

Cleanup poops. Remove soiled linens.

AFTERNOON

Pickup each rabbit and bring outside. Brush out fur.

Wipe fur with a damp cloth; Starting with eyes, body, feet, bum

EVENING

Change litter boxes. Freshwater. Fresh grass.

Cleanup poops.

Sit on the floor with my book and pyjamas.

SLOWLY INTRODUCE ADDITIONAL FOODS BACK INTO RABBIT’S DIET AFTER 1 WEEK OR POOPS LOOK NORMAL AGAIN.

STEP 1: Hand-feed ¼ cup dark, leafy greens. (parsley, cilantro, romaine, green leaf).

Then ½ cup, 1 cup, 2 cups.

STEP 2: 2 tbsp, hand-fed treats per day (apple, berries, banana, etc)

STEP 3: ¼ cup pellets; ¼ cup oats every morning.

* Start rabbit garden. Grow grass in our home. Purchase AeroGarden and pods.

SPAYING and RECOVERY

Supplies: X-pen, easy access litter box, critical care, cones, oral syringes, PAIN MEDICINE post-op, warm water bottle/heat pad

Road Trip to the Vet: Sit in the back seat with bunnies, bring cage for at the vet office, purchase a bag of nice Oxbow hay, water bottle, water dish, pellets, cilantro/parsley, blankets, towels, puppy pads, carry rabbits into the office - minimize stress!

Recovery Post-Op: clean x-pen set-up with white towels/blankets, clean litter boxes 2x/daily, clean water 2x daily,

**Rabbit Savvy Vet**

https://rabbitrescue.ca/useful-info/vets/

Rabbits should always have an annual exam, which will help detect problems early.

Why: Not all vets treat rabbits. Not all vets that treat rabbits KNOW rabbits! Many vets are trained in cat and dog medicine and often do not know enough about rabbits to medically treat them properly.

When: It is always a good idea to find a vet you feel comfortable with BEFORE you have an emergency. Rabbits should always have an annual exam that can help detect problems early.

How: We offer some recommended vets here. You might also want to check www.vetratingz.com. Next check the yellow pages for veterinarians who advertise as “exotic” (includes, rabbits & rodents). The next step is to phone the vet. Let the front office person know that you are concerned with finding the very best veterinarian to care for your rabbit and that you would like to speak directly to the doctor at his/her convenience. Leave both your work and home phone number and specific times that the veterinarian can get hold of you or ask what would be a good time for you to call back (when the veterinarian is between appointments).

Emergencies: You need to be prepared for emergency situations at night and on weekends when your regular vet might not be at the clinic. This preparation starts with your regular veterinarian. What are the days and hours of operation? Some veterinarians keep extended hours on certain weekdays. Does your veterinarian refer to a certain emergency clinic? If your veterinarian works with many non-traditional animal species he/she will probably know which emergency facility in your area also treats these animals.

If you will have to go to another location with an out-of-hours rabbit emergency, have the name, address, phone number and directions posted prominently in your house. Make a trial run by driving to the facility at least once so you have an approximate idea of how long it will take you.

Ask lots of questions!

How many rabbits are seen each week? Rabbits should make up a reasonable size of their practice (ie at least 10%)

How many rabbits are spayed/neutered each week?

Do they fast rabbits before surgery? The answer should be NO! Anesthetic meds cause nausea BUT rabbits lack the vomit reflex. Fasting is unnecessary and very dangerous. Eat before and after surgery. Lots of hay, cilantro, and green leaf lettuce; Clean fresh grass and dandelion leaves.

Do they know what drugs are dangerous for rabbits? IE Amoxicillin, Penicillin – unless it is injectible.

What type of gas anesthetic do they use? Isoflurane is the only safe bunny gas

Have you lost any rabbits during routine surgeries?

How would you treat a hairball? Surgery should be the very very last alternative.

Are there other veterinarians in the practice that can treat your rabbit in case the primary vet is not available? And if not, then to whom do they refer these cases?

Does the vet refer difficult cases to anyone else?

How does the vet check molars? An otoscope or a videoscope is the only acceptable answer. Visual inspection is not enough.

Hello, I am located in 100 Mile House. I have 2 female rabbits and I am unsure of their age. I want to get them spayed. I am searching for a rabbit savvy vet to take care of them. They are a huge part of my life and contribute to my overall happiness. I would not leave them overnight. I need a trustworthy and careful vet to spay my girls. How much does it cost to have 2 adult rabbits spayed, including an exam, pain meds, and possible cones to go home with? My bunnies' names are Flopsy and Mopsy. Flopsy is a Dutch breed and Mopsy is a Holland Lop (I am fairly sure of the breeds). They are (mostly) litter trained, minus a few territorial droppings. They are in good health, eating lots of fresh hay all day. I feed them 1/4 cup pellets to share every day and 2 servings of leafy greens. A month ago I noticed loose stools and proceeded to put them on a hay-only diet and it seems to have fixed the issue. My bunnies are mostly okay with being handled but lived most of their lives in abysmal conditions. They now live in my living room, no cage. I am concerned about their stress level with the procedure and the car ride home. I have gotten them a bit used to car rides in order to minimize the stress for their upcoming surgeries. I know I have spoken in length but I am concerned about losing a rabbit. I need to know they are in caring, educated, and experienced veterinary hands. Thank you. -- Victoria Smith 778-239-8688.

List of Rabbit Savvy Vets

Dr. Mike Lavroff and Dr. Kathy Rasmussen at Vetcetera Pet Hospital in Kelowna, BC

250-762-7181

(250) 371-3236

SPAYING PROCEDURAL NOTES:

Pre- and Post-operative care of Rabbits

Dana Krempels, Ph.D.

University of Miami Department of Biology (updated 3 January 2011)

Any surgery can be physically and emotionally hard on both you and your companion rabbit since there's really no such thing as a surgery that is 100% risk-free. I hope the following information will help you and your rabbit get through either emergency or elective surgery with maximal safety and minimal stress.

Pre-operative Care

1. Be sure to schedule surgery with a veterinarian who is very familiar with the rabbit's unique anatomy and physiology, and who has had a great deal of experience and success with rabbit anesthesia and surgery. You might wish to start with the House Rabbit Society veterinary listings at the House Rabbit Society Veterinarian Listings. Veterinarians specializing in "exotic" species are often rabbit-savvy. But before you commit to surgery, make sure. The House Rabbit Society has an excellent site on how to find a good rabbit vet that should make this easy.

2. If possible, schedule the surgery so that you can bring your bunny home with you the same evening. Spending the night in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strange people and the sound and smell of potential predators, can add unnecessary stress and lengthen your rabbit's recovery. Very few veterinary hospitals have 24-hour monitoring staff, and your bunny will probably not be watched for at least part of the night if s/he stays in the hospital. Home, where he can be monitored lovingly and regularly, is almost always best.

3. If your rabbit is bonded to another rabbit, it is important to bring them to the hospital together so that the mate can offer moral support in the pre-operative waiting period and during recovery. It also will help prevent the dreaded un-bonding phenomenon that sometimes occurs when one member of a bonded pair comes home smelling of Strange and Scary Hospital. The last thing you want your bunny to suffer after surgery is violent rejection by his/her own mate! Unfortunately, this goes for bonded groups, too. It is best to bring everyone in for moral support and to prevent post-operative social rejection.

4. DO NOT FAST YOUR RABBIT PRIOR TO THE SURGICAL APPOINTMENT, even if the person scheduling your appointment tells you to do so. (Receptionists giving such instructions often recite the rules for dogs and cats, not realizing that the rules are different for rabbits.) Here are the reasons why some (inexperienced with rabbits) clinic staff might suggest fasting, and why these reasons do not hold true for rabbits:

a. Some surgical anesthetics can cause nausea. One of the reasons veterinarians fast most animals pre-operatively is the risk of vomiting during surgery or recovery. This can cause accidental aspiration, the breathing of liquid into the lungs, which can be fatal. However, rabbits lack the vomiting reflex and are physically almost incapable of regurgitation. In rabbits, the risk of aspiration due to vomiting is negligible. b. Feeding your bunny before surgery helps the gastrointestinal (GI) tract remain active, which will speed recovery. Rabbits who become inappetence (i.e., not wanting to eat) after surgery are more difficult to "jump-start" back to normal eating habits. Even relatively brief periods (24 hours) of anorexia can result in GI stasis and some liver damage in rabbits. c. Some veterinarians may be concerned that food in the intestine will interfere with their obtaining a correct body weight, necessary for calculating the proper dose of injected anesthetic. This should not be a concern with rabbits because

Under normal circumstances, the intestine of a healthy rabbit is never empty, and should not be. Rabbit GI passage time is relatively lengthy (approximately 12 hours), so to get the intestine completely empty would take a very long time. Also, since an anorectic rabbit can begin to suffer liver damage in a relatively short time when the GI tract is empty, it is not advisable to fast the rabbit before surgery.

If the veterinarian is using isoflurane or sevoflurane, the gas anesthetic of choice, bodyweight is not an issue, since the gas is administered through the respiratory tract. Even though isoflurane gas is more expensive than injectable anesthetics, it is worth the extra cost to ensure safer surgery and faster recovery. IMPORTANT NOTE: Although intubation allows much more precise administration and monitoring of gas anesthesia, and is safer in case of an emergency cardiac or respiratory arrest during surgery, please be aware that the intubation of rabbits is a delicate procedure requiring a great deal of practice and expertise. If your vet is NOT experienced with rabbit intubations, it is probably much safer for the isoflurane to be administered via a mask. You might wish to ask your vet about this before you schedule the surgery.

Injectable pre-anesthetic doses are not likely to be affected by the slight difference in the weight of a rabbit with a full intestine.

5. Take a bit of your rabbit's normal food (pellets and hay) along as well as a small bag of favourite fresh herbs. Ask that the foods be offered to your bunny after the anesthesia has worn off. The sooner the bunny starts nibbling after surgery, the quicker the recovery.

Post-surgical Care

Pain Management

Any surgery, including neuter or (especially) a spay, will make bunny sore for one to several days.

Pain management in rabbits is critical to an uneventful recovery.

Most experienced vets routinely administer analgesics such as Metacam/meloxicam, Banamine (flunixin meglumine), buprenorphine, tramadol, etc. before or shortly after surgery, so the bunny will be as comfortable as possible while waking up.

Ask the veterinarian about this before scheduling surgery. If no pain medications are going to be given to your rabbit, you should probably seek a different vet!

Before bringing your bunny home, ask your vet about follow-up pain management at home, when the initial dose wears off. Post-surgical monitoring and care 1. Warmth

Immediately after surgery, keep your bunny warm and quiet.

Provide a warm water bottle or another heat source (that can't leak, burn, or cause injury) wrapped in a soft towel for the bunny to lean against or move away from, at his/her discretion. DO NOT use any type of electrical heating source that could be an electrocution risk, should bunny chew on it!

Rabbits will tolerate a soft, light blanket better than a heavy one.

2. Post-surgical Contact and Handling

Don't hover. A bunny after surgery may feel groggy and unhappy, and not in the mood for cuddling.

Unless you know that your rabbit wants to cuddle, it's best to let him/her recover quietly and without more human interruption than is necessary to ensure that all is well.

3. Post-surgical Monitoring for Trouble

Be sure to carefully (and gently) check the sutures daily for a few days after surgery to be sure the bunny isn't chewing them.

Many vets use subcuticular (under the skin) sutures that cannot be chewed out, and may even put a line of surgical glue over the incision for extra strength. Ask your vet about this before surgery, so you will know what to expect.

Be alert for excessive bleeding (a bit of oozing is not unusual, but outright bleeding is a cause for concern)

Excessive redness or signs of infection such as swelling or pus are not normal.

If you see anything that causes concern, call the vet immediately for further instructions.

The Healing Process If all goes well, your bunny will start to perk up noticeably by the second day after surgery. Healing begins quickly; adhesions (normal tissue repair) usually start to form within 24 hours of surgery in rabbits. In the case of spay/neuter, a male will usually recover more quickly, since neuter is less invasive than a spay.

A male is usually ready for normal activity within a few days of surgery.

A female might take a bit longer to recover from a spay.

Recovery time will depend on the type of surgery, the surgeon's technique, the surgery itself, and any complications. 1. Post-operative Preventive Care

Under normal circumstances, rabbits do not require post-surgical antibiotics to prevent infection.

Except in very unusual cases, an E-collar ("Elizabethan collar" -- that plastic cone around the neck that prevents suture chewing and makes your companion look like a satellite dish) is not necessary for a rabbit and will cause more stress than it's worth.

If your bunny does try to damage her incision and ends up wearing an E-collar for a day or two, you will have to hand-feed cecotropes, since s/he will not be able to reach them for normal ingestion.

This is how much we love our bunnies. 2. Monitoring the Poop: Signs of Recovery or Trouble

It is not unusual to see a few soft or mucus-covered stools after surgery. Fecal pellets should return to normal within a day or two, once your bunny has regained normal eating habits.

If you continue to see mucus in the fecal matter beyond a day or two, or if fecal production stops, consult your veterinarian immediately.

If your rabbit hasn't eaten anything within 24 hours of surgery, contact your veterinarian.

Monitor the output of fecal pellets closely. If fecal output slows or stops after surgery for more than 36 hours, your bunny may be suffering from ileus, an uncommon but serious post-surgical complication. If this happens, refer to Gastrointestinal Stasis: The Silent Killer for emergency information. Post-surgical Social Interaction

Keep your rabbit quiet for a few days after surgery, but try to maintain normal feeding and bonding times.

There is no reason to separate bonded pairs or groups as long as the bunnies interact calmly.

A post-surgical bunny will usually manage his/her own activity quite well and knows not to "push it" too soon.

If your bonded pair continues to mount or play too roughly after surgery, then it might be necessary to physically separate them for a day or two to avoid injury. This is almost never necessary.

However, if you must separate the bunnies, be sure they can see, smell, and touch one another even if they don't have full physical contact.

Remember: the rabbit who has undergone surgery needs the emotional support of his/her mate for an uneventful recovery. Allowing them to be in contact reduces the chances that they will fight upon full re-introduction. Post-surgical Nutrition

Offer your rabbit a heavy ceramic bowl of water, even if you usually provide a sipper bottle. A rabbit needs to drink after surgery but often won't do so if s/he has to "work" for water. A well-hydrated bunny recovers more quickly and feels better in the process.

If your bunny is reluctant to eat after surgery, offer a favourite treat. Fragrant herbs such as basil, parsley, dill and mint seem to appeal to a bunny recovering from surgery.

Rabbits seem to prefer healthy foods such as fresh greens and hay while they are recovering, rather than starchy treats, which is all for the better.

If your bunny does suffer complications from surgery that cause him to stop eating, you may need to hand-feed for a few days afterwards to help get the GI tract back to normal. Ask your veterinarian for advice about whether this is necessary. Products made specifically for recovery feeding include Critical Care (Oxbow Hay Company) and Critter be Better (American Pet Diner). Or you can make your own recovery food: Pour warm water or chamomile tea over a 1/4 cup of pellets in a bowl

Allow to sit for about five minutes, letting the pellets "fluff"

Add additional water or chamomile tea and mix well to make a pudding-like slurry

Always use any type of recovery food "slurry" with caution:

Never force too much. Allow bunny time to chew and swallow.

Use a wide-bore syringe or plastic dropper with the narrow tip cut off to safely administer

If the tip is too narrow, larger bits can get stuck. Forcing a stuck chunk through the tip can cause a huge blob of food to enter the mouth too quickly, and could cause aspiration.

Squirt the food into the mouth sideways, behind the incisors, not straight back.

NEVER try to force-feed an animal who is not swallowing normally. Consult your veterinarian immediately if this is the case.

Special Notes for Neuter Surgeries The de-sexing of a male animal is known as castration or neuter. It involves removing the testicles and some associated structures. (Some tubules and other structures are left behind, as they are located in the lower abdomen.) The purpose of neutering is to remove the main source of testosterone and to permanently stop the production of sperm. While testosterone has its subjective benefits, it also has its risks: it suppresses the immune system, increases aggression, and generally shortens the lifespan of the individual producing it. For this reason alone, your male bunny may live a longer, more peaceful life if he is neutered.

Although most rabbit-savvy vets perform pre-scrotal neuters, in which the scrotum is not cut, a few old-fashioned practitioners still remove the testicles directly through the scrotum. If your male bunny has undergone scrotal neuter, he may be very sore and swollen (which is why the pre-scrotal method is preferred; ask your vet beforehand, so you will know what to expect.)

A sitz bath in a dilute solution of betadine (about 1 tablespoon of povidone iodine per cup of lukewarm water) can be very soothing to a bunny who has undergone a scrotal neuter. But wait until a day after surgery to do this, to allow some recovery from anesthesia and the stress of the surgery itself.

NOTE THAT MALES MAY HAVE VIABLE SPERM FOR SEVERAL WEEKS POST-NEUTERING! Do not place your male with an intact female until a minimum of three weeks after his neuter surgery! Some males can retain viable sperm for even longer.

Click here for a complete technical overview of rabbit spay and neuter procedures provided by DVM Newsmagazine.

Return to Rabbit Health Central

Help H.A.R.E. rescue needy rabbits!

https://rabbit.org/intermittent-soft-cecotropes-in-rabbits/

Notes:

The condition can last for months or even years. Affected rabbits are often still bright, alert and eating well. The soft droppings stick to the rabbit’s hindquarters, causing irritation and a foul odor. Defecation and urination can be hindered if there is sufficient buildup of feces.

The soft stools are actually malformed cecotropes that should have been eaten directly from the anus by the rabbit. You will notice that the soft cecotropes have a strong odor and contain mucous like normal cecotropes. When the contents of the cecum are retained for longer than normal periods of time the cecotropes are eventually excreted in a more liquid state and it is impossible for the rabbit to eat them. Not only is the condition messy, but there is a concern that the rabbit may be missing vital nutrition if he cannot eat the cecotropes.

The most common cause of ISC is an inappropriate diet that is too high in carbohydrates and/or too low in indigestible fiber.

During a physical examination, many rabbits with ISS are significantly overweight with obvious fecal staining of the hindquarters or feet.

The treatment of uncomplicated ISC (meaning the cause is primarily an inappropriate diet) is based on converting the rabbit to a healthy diet that is high in indigestible fiber, which normalizes the motility of the GI tract and lower in carbohydrates, which helps normalize the flora in the cecum. A healthy diet for a house rabbit consists of unlimited grass hay as its primary component with additional green foods and limited high fiber/low energy pellets.

This is not a difficult diet to feed, but it requires a commitment to removing high carbohydrate foods from the diet and never giving them again. If you do choose to slip some high carbohydrate treats to your pet from time to time, it is highly likely that the ISC will return within a short time and you will be cleaning the rabbit and cage all over again. The benefits of a healthy diet are not only getting rid of the ISC, but also improving your rabbit’s dental, GI and mental health. Only you have control over the success of this treatment.

The treatment of ISC is based first on a serious diet restriction to grass hay, which acts to return the GI tract to normal, and secondly a gradual reintroduction of additional foods after normal cecotropes are produced for at least a week. This would mean you are no longer seeing the soft cecotropes in the environment or on the rabbit. You will see the normal round, dry waste droppings and only the occasional formed cecotrope in the litter box or cage floor.

The hay acts to return normal motility to the GI tract and normal flora to the cecum eliminating the soft stools entirely. If you cheat and feed treats during this process, the treatment will not be effective and you will only perpetuate the problem. There is no doubt that your rabbit will not be happy with you for a while and will probably throw a few tantrums. After all, when you remove the pellets and treats from the diet, it is like taking chocolate away from a chocoholic! You need to resist your pet’s attempts to manipulate your emotions and remember that this treatment is for her benefit and for your benefit as well when you have the freedom from cleaning up the mess every day!

Another important benefit of feeding the grass hay to the exclusion of other foods initially is that your pet will experience a healthy weight loss. Many rabbits with ISC are overweight, and not only do they feel sluggish because of the GI problems but because of their weight it is more difficult for them to exercise. Rabbits do not become underweight on this diet so you do not need to monitor the weight. Many of our clients comment that after the treatment for ISS their rabbit experienced a new “lease on life” and was as active as a young bunny again! It must feel good to shed the excess weight and to have normal GI function again!

NOTE: How do you know your rabbit is eating enough hay? You will know because the waste droppings (the round, dry droppings in the bottom of the cage) will continue in a large number and will stay a large size. If these droppings decrease to half or less in size or greatly decrease in number or become greatly misshapen, then your rabbit is not eating enough and you need to check with your veterinarian to make sure there is not some other disease process going on.

Part 2: Adding in Other Foods

Once the soft droppings have resolved for at least a week, it is time to try adding in some additional foods. Although technically a rabbit could survive on good quality mixed grass hay, it is likely that it will not be complete for the life of the rabbit and will be missing some trace nutrients. In addition, rabbits are used to eating a wide variety of textures and tastes and it is much healthier mentally to have a variety of foods in their daily lives. We need to add these foods back in carefully though, because your bunny has a history of GI unbalance and we don’t want to return to that state. Remember that from here on out, your rabbit should ALWAYS have grass hay available as the basis of a good diet.

Green Foods

After your pet’s cecotropes have returned to normal for at least a week, it is time to introduce green foods into the diet. These foods provide a variety of nutrients as well as moisture.

We suggest adding one new green food every 48 hours to make sure no soft stools are being formed. You can easily determine which items are problematic if you only feed one green food every 48 hours, then remove the offending item if needed. Once you have tested several green foods, then you should feed at least three types daily to your pet Feed a maximum of about 1 packed cup of green foods per 2 pounds of body weight at least once a day or this amount divided twice a day.

Examples of Green Foods

Baby greens

Basil

Bok choy

Borage

Broccoli (leaves and top)

Brussels sprouts

Cabbage (red, green, Chinese)

Carrot/beet tops

Celery (leaves are good)

Chickory

Collard greens Dock

Dandelion greens (and flower)

Endive

Escarole

Kale

Leaf lettuce

Mustard greens

Parsley (Italian or flat leaf best)

Radicchio

Romaine lettuce

Swiss chard (any color)

Water cress

Healthy Treat Foods

When your rabbit returns to normal stool production and after the introduction of green foods you can try feeding small amounts of fruits and other vegetables as treats. As with the green foods, if you see any soft stools, remove the item from the diet. The maximum amount of a treat food is one tablespoon per two pounds body weight of any combination of the following:

Apples

Bean or alfalfa sprouts

Blackberries

Blueberries

Cactus fruit

Carrots

Cherries

Cranberries

Edible flowers from the garden (organically grown and NOT from a florist) such as roses, nasturtiums, day lilies, pansies and snap dragons

Green or red bell peppers

Kiwi Fruit

Mango

Melons

Papaya

Pea pods (flat, NO peas)

Peach

Pear

Pineapple

Raspberries

Squash

Strawberries

Pellets

After introducing greens and fruits and vegetables back into the diet for two weeks without any relapse to soft cecotropes, then it is time to try pellets again. It is important that you only use the grass-based pellets and not alfalfa-based pellets because you increase the likelihood of a problem with the high calorie alfalfa-based pellets. You can try adding in about 1/8 cup per 4 lbs of body weight initially and go up to no more then ¼ cup of pellets per 4 lbs body weight per day maximum. If the soft cecotropes return, remove the offending pellet and you may try a different brand of grass-based pellet. If the soft cecotropes return no matter what brand you feed, then you may have a rabbit that simply cannot tolerate pellets. In this case you can increase the consumption of greens to twice the amount listed above per day. This happens in a small population of rabbits and if necessary they can live successfully on a free-choice grass hay and moderated greens/vegetable/fruit diet without pellets.

Forbidden Foods

Never again feed commercial rabbit treats or high carbohydrate snacks which include those found in the following list:

Beans (of any kind)

Breads

Cereals

Chocolate

Corn

Nuts

Oats

Peas

Refined sugar

Seeds

Wheat

Any other grains

Vitamins

Your veterinarian may prescribe a vitamin supplement during the initial treatment for ISC, particularly if this has been a long-standing problem. If a rabbit cannot eat the cecotropes, then she may be missing vital nutrients those special droppings provide. Vitamin supplementation should be short term and need not continue once the pet is on a healthy diet and is producing normal cecotropes.

Some veterinarians feel that giving vitamin C during the treatment of ISS is helpful in improving the integrity of the wall of the cecum and decreasing toxin absorption into the body. Most rabbits will readily take chewable vitamin C tablets, should they be prescribed.

The dose is 100 mg per 5 pounds of body weight one to two times daily. Vitamin C should also be discontinued once the cecotropes return to normal.

Working with Your Veterinarian

It is important to keep any recommended recheck examinations and phone reports for your pet as suggested by your veterinarian. The progress of treatment can be evaluated and detection of any other diseases can be made. If the condition of ISC cannot be resolved with dietary treatment then your veterinarian will need to perform further diagnostic investigation to determine if there is additional disease. If you are having difficulties converting your rabbit to the diet suggestions made above, please consult your veterinarian and work with him or her so your rabbit can be monitored during this process.

Conclusion

ISC is most often caused by an inappropriate diet and in these cases it is not difficult to treat.

It does, however, require a commitment by you, the caregiver, to provide a healthy diet for your pet for the rest of the pet’s life. It won’t be easy at first as your pet becomes frustrated at the loss of the unhealthy but tasty treats, but the end result is a rabbit who is more active, more responsive and no longer needs high maintenance care. By successfully treating the common dietary cause of ISC, many rabbits can be saved from unnecessary euthanasia and the owners saved from unnecessary anguish.

0 notes

stardusthqs · 8 years ago

Text

im minjae ↳ through the looking glass !

“ ---- but you've been r e p l a c e d, i'm face to face with someone new ”

GENERAL INFO

full name : im minjae nickname(s) : jae, minnie ( occasionally by his mother & grandmother ) gender : cismale preferred pronouns : he / him age & dob : twenty-four & january fifth astrological sign : capricorn sexual & romantic orientation : pansexual & panromantic birthplace/hometown : london, england parents/siblings : im kyungsun ( father ) & im minji ( mother ) language(s) known/spoken : english, korean, french ( semi-fluent ) current living arrangements : in a two bed apartment with his roommate ( this is sort of what minjae’s desk area looks like ! ) occupation/major : assistant designer

APPEARANCES

height : 169 cm build : slim, unhealthily underweight hair color : black eye color : brown typical style of dress : dark, slightly oversized turtlenecks, skinny jeans / slim fitting slacks, peacoats ( here & here ) body modifications : semi-colon tattoo on his inner right wrist & ear piercings ; one in both of his lobes -- he only ever wears silver / black studs !

BODY LANGUAGE AND MANNERISMS

how does your muse walk? : very lightly ! & very slowly due to lack of energy. they tend to take their time, & walk more on their toes than their heels. their ankles & knees crack quite a bit while walking through, & their roommate makes fun of them for it -- calling them old & brittle. how does your muse talk? : their voice is very low & their words are spoken with a lot of clarity ! unless they’re tired / experiencing pleasure or euphoria or anything related -- when they’re experiencing any of these, their words often become slurred. they also curse a lot ! they sometimes speak in french, but they’re only semi-fluent, & don’t practice the language often. they also speak slowly more often than not, unless they’re angry & let their emotions get the better of them. & when they’re angry, their voice gets even lower ? it’s scary as heck ? they’re also very quiet normally, so when they’re angry & they start to yell, it adds to the terror ! how high (or low) is the tone of their voice? : very low ; minjae has a very deep voice. how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )? : their posture is terrible. they’re constantly hunched over their desk -- he knows the importance of posture, but often forgets to stretch & maintain a proper sitting position while he’s working. because of his terrible posture, he’s run into back problems & often complains to his roommate of both upper & lower back pain. his shoulders are often slumped too because of this, & that shows in the way they walk ! how does your muse typically smell? : he smells like smoke -- he smokes a lot, often on the balcony attached to his apartment. the smoke’s also mixed with m7 ysl cologne, which adds a nice wood / musk / amber scent ! he doesn’t necessarily try to hide the fact that he’s been smoking, more so he wanted to blend the smell with something else so it isn’t as unpleasant to others. his mom hates the smell of smoke, he mainly started wearing the cologne to get her off his back. though now that he doesn’t live with his parents anymore, he often forgets to spray himself, so the smoke smell can be overpowering on some days. also ! his shampoo & conditioner is vanilla scented, so sometimes he smells like vanilla mixed with smoke. the vanilla scent is more associated with lazy days where he’s dressed in sweats with his wavy, tousled hair & he’s wearing his reading glasses & he’s snuggled up with his cat. what kind of air do they carry? are they intimidating? : they can be intimidating, though it’s mainly because of their neutral expression -- minjae often looks ‘ sad ’ or ‘ angry ’, & he’s been told this a lot by his past friends & family ! it also doesn’t help that he instinctively withdraws from people ... & he’s very cold toward people most of the time. he does have a nice side though ! he’s kind to those he deems worthy or deserving & sometimes when he can’t be bothered with the aftermath of his usual attitude ( he usually gets into fights with others because of his uncaring / irate nature so he just sucks it up n treats people decently )

PSYCHOLOGY

how do they respond to stress? : very badly, it’s extremely problematic !! minjae basically has two modes. he’s either overly meticulous & calculating his every move because he feels lost without control in his life -- or he’s uncaring & lets himself ‘ relax ’ to the point where he loses all sense of himself & his control. this drastically changes his sleep & eating schedules as well ; when he’s overly controlling, he doesn’t eat nor sleep, though when he’s out of control, he binges & sleeps for most of the day. what makes your muse happiest? : seeing his artistic vision come to life ! after the first show he’d worked on, his mother took a photo of him ( which he carries around in his wallet ) & it’s of minjae dressed up, holding flowers ( that his parents bought him ) while teary-eyed because he’d just completed his first show ! he was able to see a model walk the runway in an outfit he’d orchestrated ! he was very overwhelmed -- but in the best way possible -- that night ! what upsets them the most? : minjae hates gaining weight. he’s very particular about his body & has terrible self-esteem. he weighs himself every day, & whenever he puts on weight, he often panics & adjusts his meal plan for the day to compensate. he also doesn’t like the thought of lilly eventually passing away ... he loves that cat with all of his heart. she’s gotten lost only once before & was technically missing for two days -- he was a mess. his roommate had to sleep in the same bed, comforting him to keep minjae from having nightmares. is your muse an extrovert? an introvert? neither? : introvert, definitely. social gatherings ( or any interaction for that matter ) takes a huge toll on him -- he’s often exhausted afterward. what is your muses worst fear? : losing lilly -- he doesn’t do well with loss. that & art block. is your muse an early riser? a night owl? : it depends ! he usually likes to sleep early & rise early to go for morning jogs, though when he’s engrossed in work, minjae doesn’t sleep, he’ll stay up all night if he has to, finishing the projects he’s working on. how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it? : he’s actually very intelligent. he doesn’t claim to know everything ( he’s absolutely terrible with anything science related, though excels in maths ! ) but he’s aware of his intelligence, & often uses it to his advantage. he has a bad habit of talking down to people when he’s annoyed though, which gets him into trouble ://

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES

what’s their sexual orientation? what about romantic? : pansexual & panromantic ! are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships? : sexual, yes. romantic, not so much -- but minjae’s mind is always very conflicted, & his view of love & romance is pretty distorted, so he can never really tell if he’s in love. how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one, or would they ever? : they’re very relaxed about the idea & think it’s a pretty neat concept ! they’ve had friends with benefits before ! sex, is it important to your muse? : while minjae enjoys it, sex isn’t the be all end all. he can survive without it, & honestly, he’s slept with people even though he wasn’t in the mood at the given moment. he’ll sometimes sleep with people to make them happy or keep them from leaving. he fears being intimate during the day or under any circumstances in which his body can be seen. he’s incredibly insecure & he usually has to drink before hooking up ; the alcohol lowers his inhibition & numbs the negative thoughts. how important is friendship to them? : friendship’s very important to minjae. he doesn’t fully trust people right away, & it takes a while for him to warm up to strangers. he doesn’t have many friends, but those he cares for, he holds close ! it’s difficult though for him to keep his friends, as minjae’s withdrawn nature tends to turn people off after a while -- his friends eventually grow tired of him, saying that his flaky, despondent nature isn’t worth the effort they put in. how important is family? : family isn’t the be all end all, but it’s still important to minjae. he skypes with his parents & keeps them up to date with what’s happening, albeit not every aspect ( he doesn’t talk to them about his weight or other sensitive issues like his love life or sexuality -- he doesn’t dare bring up the nail polish incident to his father either, because it only leads to them fighting ) what are their biggest turn on and turn offs? : turn ons : hickeys / markings, v mild choking, praise, vanilla sex ( bc sometimes he just wants chill, nice & loving sex u know ? ) he’s a sucker 4 hand holding & being pampered 2, it all depends on his mood !, dirty talk ( even tho he can b kind of terrible at it ), also he’s got a v MILD daddy kink im soz ( if some1 called him daddy he’d probably swoon but pretend not 2 like it,, im ?? ) & turn offs : anything where minjae feels exposed & judged, anything involving feet :// his r super ticklish & doesn’t like when people touch them / tickle him, & anything along the lines of shaming / humiliation ! he also doesn’t like the inclusion of food in any sexual act, u feel ? does your muse find it easy to make friends? : oh god no. it’s difficult for minjae to make friends ! well, he can approach people & chat them up for a small amount of time, but to actually maintain friends, he finds that difficult. keeping up with his social life exhausts him, unfortunately, & he needs people in his life who understand that & are willing to put in that little bit of extra effort ! he appreciates it, i promise. are they close to their family? why or why not ? : he’s more close with his mother than his father, that’s for sure. it’s not that he doesn’t love his parents equally, it’s just that his father doesn’t necessarily agree with all that minjae does -- they tend to disagree more. he still skypes with them though, & stays in touch ! he values his family a lot ! if someone talks badly of them he’ll stand up for them, regardless of the circumstances !

HEADCANONS

minjae taps his fingers on surfaces a lot ! it’s a nervous fidget / habit

he also likes to paint his nails a lot ; he enjoys it & often paints them his favourite colour ( black ). it makes him feel more connected with himself ? it reminds him of when he used to play dress up -- he used to dress up a lot when he was younger -- he’s always had a very wild imagination ! though whenever he goes to see his family, he takes the nail polish off. his dad caught minjae with it on once, & he wasn’t happy. they ended up getting into a heated screaming match ://

he can only fall asleep if his cat’s in the same room ! lilly went missing once, & he couldn’t sleep -- his roommate had to stay in the same room to keep him from having nightmares.

minjae’s very in control of his diet, but every now & then he falls into binge cycles, where he eats anything & everything in front of him. his self-hatred worsens around these times, & he often confines himself in his room, refusing to face the world while ‘ looking so bloated & gross ’

minjae’s a huge fan of indie bands ; the music relaxes him. if anyone close to him asks for music recs, he’ll go on for days about them, or anything else he likes for that matter !

#seoultask #tw mentions of ed #can u tell i got super meme-y toward the end of this rip #but aHH one down one more 2 go #i loved doing this tbh ? i live 4 development !!! n fleshing out charas #also tfw u use a character psd 4 ur task psd oops but i mean it looks kickass so ty 2 the og creator #also 4give me if there's any mistakes i always tend 2 miss smth #and my answers got long rIP #✧*. — ⟨ wherever i go you bring me home | task. ⟩#✧*. — ⟨ trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat | headcanon. ⟩

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