#really its impressive the amount of times i think about him daily. can conjure up so much

[midnightdemonhunter]

A myriad of styles for Jack!

[luvtak]

Dating Stray Kids

❀ seriously criminal amounts of fluff. mostly gender neutral and basically unedited :/

❀ a/n this took years cause theres so many of them but i hope it doesn’t flop 💖💖 love you guys!!!

❀ w/c 2419

Chan: You were never even dating this man, you went from friends to married in like three days—one day you were single and then you were a mother to seven boys. So many days sitting in his studio listening to what he’s conjured up. Never leaves in the morning without giving you a kiss. Always looking out for you, walks on the busy side of the street and puts his hand up to shield your head when you get in the car. Listens so attentively whenever you’re speaking to him. Wraps you up in his clothes and the warmest blankets when you say you’re cold. When he can sleep, he lays directly on top of you. Is always asking how you are and genuinely wants to know all your daily ailments. Slightly teases you then hugs you so tight if he sees it annoyed you. Will kiss you anywhere and everywhere, then gets shy when he realizes you’re not alone. Is interested in all your interests. Hands are never kept to himself; he is all over you 100% of the time, always smiling when you’re around. Brings home little trinkets from tour that made him think of you. Writes you songs, unlike Jisung they are really sweet and poetic. Calls you all sorts of little names and giggles when you smile about it. Cuddles with you all night even if he can’t fall asleep. Leaves blankets and snacks in his studio for when you come visit. Texts you to watch channies room then gets shy when you actually do. Miraculously pulls out an extra sweater for you and pretends like he doesn’t always carry one around for you. Always has an arm around you or a hand in your pocket. Cradles you like a baby when you’re sad. He just loves you sm and takes care of you like your another one of his little ducks.

Minho: So lovely, but also your nemesis—kisses you then tells you your hair looks silly, or your outfit doesn’t match. Packs you lunches and reminds you to bring a coat. Is always telling you to text him when you get home, he doesn’t want to be controlling but he gets so worried. Says I love you first then acts all cocky when you say it back. I feel like he does things for you under the guise of you doing it wrong, when the truth is he just likes doing things for you. Never shows physical affection in front of other people but speaks to you in the sweetest tone, it’s almost more intimate. Washes your face for you and helps put you into pajamas when you’re too sleepy to do it. When you can’t sleep, he’ll lay next to you and tell you funny stories until you pass out. Kisses you all over your face when you’re sad. Fiddles with all your jewelry, he’s so gentle with it you don’t notice until you realize a ring is missing and see it on his pinkie. Thinks you’re so cute, sometimes he can’t help but talk to you like you’re one of his cats. Hugs you so so so tight and presses soft kisses in your hair. Tells you he misses you then threatens you to not tell anyone what he said. Takes you on special dates for no reason other than to make you smile. Calls you a certain pet name so often sometimes the boys forget its not your name. He not so secretively treasures you and makes sure you know when his teasing goes a little too far—you’re just so precious to him it’s hard for him to express in words.

Changbin: Super domestic and accepting. You could seriously tell him anything and he’d be like “okay, that’s great, honey!” Takes you to the gym with him and kisses you after every set. Loves sitting and doing nothing with you. Genuinely thinks you’re the most wonderful thing he has ever encountered. Constantly trying to impress you: flexing when he knows you’re looking, telling his best jokes when you’re around, bringing home expensive dinners. Pulls you into his arms to dance while you cook for him. Your biggest hype man and will never hear you say anything negative about yourself. Is always trying to pick you up, you could be dating for five years, and he'd still be giving out pick up lines. Whenever you hurt yourself, he’s going to kiss it better, no matter how dramatic it is—you have a splinter, here’s a kiss! You’re in the hospital, another kiss! Pretends to like things just because you do. Literally never says no to you. He talks about you so much; all the boys know everything about you before they even meet you. Every time he sees you, he’s going to lift you up and spin you around like you’re in some cheesy movie just so you’ll laugh. Always hugging you. #1 advocate for daily naps just so you can cuddle. Talks about your future like its already set in stone, like you’re getting married no matter what. Is so proud of you and the fact you’re together—Only has good things to say. Gifts you so many stuffed animals to cuddle with when he’s away. Calls you the most nauseatingly sweet pet names and holds you like your porcelain. You’re literally his little baby and he’s going to love and care for you if it’s the last thing he does.

Hyunjin: The most intimate and earnest boyfriend. Even if you’re the two most different people he convinces you you’re soulmates, you’re split aparts fr. Constantly playing with your hair. Tells everyone he doesn’t like skinship then wraps himself around you. Says something really sweet then acts all shy when three months later you’re watching a drama and the romantic lead says the same line. Uses your shower stuff and perfume so he can smell like you. Kisses every mole and stretch mark he can see. Whenever he sees something pretty he tells you it reminds him of you before roasting you within an inch of your life. Your house slowly becomes his house because suddenly everything he’s ever bought ends up there. CEO of romantic gestures—sends you flowers every chance he gets, writes love letters, and paints pictures. Wears a locket with your picture in it. Has a polaroid of you in his phone case. Sends you stupid tiktok’s and all he says is “it’s you.” So many bookstore and art museum dates. Late nights filled with dramas and skincare—after every step he gets a kiss! Thinks everything you say is funny. Loves you so much sometimes all he can do is cry because you’ll never know. Loves seeing you get along with the boys but as soon as one gets a little too close, he’s shooting them the biggest side eye. Always has snacks on hand for you—biggest fear is of hangry you. So tender and empathetic that when you get upset, he also starts getting emotional. Sometimes when you’re out together he gets really quiet and when you turn to see what’s wrong, he is just staring at you before he breaks out in a huge smile. Life with him is full of giggles. You’re his favorite person in the whole world and he’s yours!

Jisung: So deeply infatuated with you he couldn’t hide it even if he wanted to. Every time he looks at you, he gets all moony eyed. Is always touching you in some way—hand on your thigh while you’re eating, arm around your waist while you walk together. Has lists of movies you need to watch together in his notes app. You’re a very cozy couple, almost always in pajamas and watching a Miyazaki movie. Definitely writes you songs, but not sweet ones they’re the worst improvised lines about how much he loves you. For all his goofy antics, as soon as you’re alone he’s becomes so quietly domestic—bringing home dinners and doing facemasks. Begs you to watch scary movies with him so he can have an excuse to baby you after. Talks about you nonstop, tells the boys jokes you told him just so he can say “isn’t my s/o so funny?’ Cuddle monster—needs them or he’ll start being mean to all the boys. If you’re someone who wears heels, he’d def be the kind of boyfriend to walk barefoot in his socks so you could wear his sneakers. Pulls at your cheeks and coos like you’re a baby. Takes so many photos of you from awful angles and won’t listen when you tell him you look terrible. So many forehead kisses. Has never called you your name since you got together, it’s always baby, and if you even dare to call him Jisung he’s going to have a breakdown trying to figure out what he did. Hands are permanently linked. Never leaves a conversation without an “I love you.” He thinks the world of you, so fond of everything you are and makes sure you never forget it<3

Felix: So so so so precious. The perfect boy, so sweet and tender you could never second guess his feelings. Loves so hard and so deep that everyone who looks at the two you knows just how he feels. He’s so open with all his feelings, you almost never fight. The kind of boy who brushes your hair and rubs lotion onto your legs. Compliments you every day, and not just saying you’re pretty, but the most earth-shattering no other compliment could ever measure up compliment. Is so interested in you, tries to learn everything he can. Since you met this boy, you have not tied your own shoes once, does it for you every time. Matching everything, wants everyone to know you’re together, as if anyone couldn’t pick it up from the way he’s draped all over you. Favorite thing on earth is when you sit with him doing nothing, he could be doing something he’s done a million times, but as soon as you’re around its better. Presses the softest kisses all around your face—nose, eyes, then lips, every morning to wake you up. Sings with you so loud in the car to all your favorite songs.  #1 PDA advocate—does not care who’s around he will be affectionate. Always fiddling with your clothes. Makes you sweet treats and tells you they’re made with love. Could listen to you forever, sometimes he’ll bring up something he knows you love just so he can hear you toddling on. Buys you too many presents but will never accept you spending money on him. Never lets you walk home alone or open the door for yourself—if he can do it for you he’s doing it. Loves you so deeply you can feel it in every word.

Seungmin: Such a bully boyfriend. Never lets you live—if he can find a joke in it, he’s saying it, but at the same time never lets you second guess how he feels. While he won’t be lovey dovey all the time, but you can feel his affection in how he takes care of you—If you ask him to do something he’s going to complain, but that doesn’t mean he’s not doing it. Makes bad jokes so he can kiss the disappointment of your face. Orders your favorite for dinner and acts like its no big deal. Pretends not to but relishes in your affection. Will stop whatever he’s doing as soon as you say his name a little too seriously. Super shy with PDA but is constantly holding your hand. Is always talking about you, telling the other Kids stories about you until they have to tell him to shut up. Your biggest fan: puts up your graduation picture and top graded essay up on the fridge and is always bragging about you to others. Sings you to sleep when you’re tossing and turning. Teases you all the time but as soon as someone else does they better run for cover. Remembers every little detail about your life, even things that you’ve forgotten. Is secretly very sentimental and has all sorts of keepsakes about you and your relationship. Is not going to be all over you in public, but as soon as you’re alone he’s in your arms and telling you how much he cares about you. If you’re ever sad he’s going to be cracking all sorts of jokes just to you see you smile before he asks you what happened. He’s so silly but so so sweet, you never go a day without laughing.

Jeongin: The sweetest and cutest! Obviously super smiley, but with you his smile is somehow even bigger. Loves to match with you and help pick out your outfits. I do think if his s/o was someone who got their nails done that he’d love to pick out the design. Always packs snacks for you in his practice bag and an extra hoodie in case you get cold. While he may not be the most openly affectionate, he quite literally brings you everywhere, you’re like his third arm. Peppers sweet little kissies all over your knuckles when you’re not paying attention to him. Laughs at all your jokes even if they’re not funny. Thinks you’re the cutest!! Sends all sorts of funny pictures when he’s away so you don’t miss him too much. Constantly teases you just so he can see you roll your eyes at him. Pulls you into every photobooth he sees. Buys a bottle of your perfume to bring with him on tour. Fusses over you all the time—fixing your clothes and making sure you’re warm enough. Acts all tough in front of his hyungs but as soon as you’re alone he’s begging for cuddles. Makes playlists of all your favorite songs to play when you’re in the car. I think he’ d be too shy to call you pet names but he always says your name so soft and sweet its like he’s calling you one. Sings every love song like they’re for you. If your hair is long enough to put up in a pony tail he will tug on it, not too hard or anything, but just enough for it to be annoying. Both his wallpaper and lock screen are of you all cuddled up together. Very in love with you and even if he doesn’t express it in words everyone around you knows.

© luvtak

[coreymichaelsmithson]

The Lights of Treasure Island

For the past few years, I've been living on a barrier island named Anastasia. A sandy, sleepy, slow place, just off the coast of our nation's oldest city, Anastasia Island features tall palm trees and gorgeous beaches, along with excellent sushi and a surprisingly active arts scene. Its most splendid attraction, though, is an old lighthouse, one striped with a black and white spiral and crowned by a bright red lamphouse. It towers commandingly over the dunes, casting a long beam that can be seen from nearly anywhere in town.

I've always liked lighthouses. In days of old we set these magnificent lanterns on the edge of the sea, to guide sailors through dark and treacherous waters, to show them the way home. Lighthouses represent so many things we need: safety, comfort, reliability, navigation. But in my mind, these structures hold the magic of candles, the magic of illumination itself. When we speak of enlightenment, we may be speaking specifically of rationality and discovery, but we are also conjuring images of light prevailing over darkness. And in this way the lighthouse emerges as a powerful symbol of the spirit.  

This February, for my 47th birthday, I explored the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where I saw several amazing lighthouses. Impressive as they were, I did not think they quite compared with the singular majesty of the structure that stands on Anastasia Island. After a harrowing return journey, one in which I drove with no working alternator (and sometimes without headlights or windshield wipers) through nearly 700 miles of tornadic thunderstorms, I felt the most profound relief when I finally crested the peak of the SR-312 bridge, which connects my island to the mainland, and I saw those familiar black and white stripes in the distance, signaling that I had made it home. Less than half a year later, my feelings about this special lighthouse of mine would be forever changed by a chance encounter.

Just under two months ago, I received a brief and rather unremarkable message from a stranger on Scruff, a queer dating platform that I use. One might charitably call Scruff "a social club for discerning gentlemen" ... it appeals to men who are hirsute, meaty, perpetually horny, and even a few of us freaks who defiantly straddle the line between "butch" and "nancy". Since this man's profile didn't really offer all that much information, and his one available picture wasn't particularly compelling, I promptly tucked his message away and forgot about it, and went for my customary sunset walk on the beach.

I live exactly one mile from the southern boundary of a state park, which offers a four-mile stretch of pristine dune habitat, completely undeveloped and sparsely occupied. The only man-made objects in sight are a few empty lifeguard stands, the city's sightseeing pier, a radio antennae, and our lighthouse. Dolphins gather here, their dorsal fins rising and falling between the breakers. Squadrons of pelicans fly in tight formations, gliding only a few feet above the water's surface. Terns and sea turtles nest in its sands, and I've found many shark teeth among the sea shells and ghost crab burrows. This is a special place, a holy place, and I've made a daily ritual of enjoying its cloudscapes and crepuscular glow as I explore the edge between land and sea.

After a pleasant stroll, maybe an hour or so of blissful meditation, I turned around and started heading back towards my car when I caught sight of a man who had just walked out of the water and was now drying himself off. We locked eyes.

He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Arrestingly beautiful, the kind of handsome that stops you dead in your tracks. I just kind of gulped for a second, and then walked right up to him, with an audacity that I didn't even know I possessed, turned on every damn bulb in my Christmas tree, and murmured, "Hi!", making the word shimmer like tinsel. In a short amount of time, I learned that he was a Russian artist, born in St. Petersburg but living in Moscow. I had met him during a brief pause on his long drive from Jacksonville to Key West; he had only intended on stopping in St. Augustine long enough to explore our old Spanish fort and take a swim on our nicest beach. He possessed a keen intellect, a quick wit, and a laudable command of English. As we spoke, he kept giving me flashes of the most mischievous smile, and so when I finally asked him what he was grinning about, he revealed that he was the same man who had messaged me earlier. This came as a surprise, for I hadn't recognized him at all ... I had only been drawn in now by his gorgeous movie-star looks, the undeniable sex appeal of his dripping wet body, and some weird sense of destiny.

We talked. We talked some more. We went to dinner. And then he stayed for the better part of three days.

In my bed, we enjoyed the most astonishing kind of communion. Our nights and mornings were filled with such tenderness ... soft eyes, soft caresses, fearlessly sustained gazes, the kind of kisses that tell a hundred little stories. One by one, various secrets were brought to light. We shared toe-curling carnality, thunderous climaxes, an unalloyed and unembarrassed intimacy. We shared joy.

On our second day together, I took him to the top of Anastasia Island's lighthouse. We lingered on each landing to kiss and giggle, and our embraces grew more intense. We felt a stronger and stronger pull towards one another. I knew that this was more than just a simple infatuation. By the time we reached the lantern's round balcony, and stepped out together onto the most spectacular view of St. Augustine, I knew that I was falling in love.

I don't blame you for rolling your eyes at this. You may, in your justifiable cynicism, think it ridiculous for a man to utter such a powerful phrase within such a short time. But if you've ever known me, you've come to recognize by now my considerable capacity for love. My passions and appetites may rise to the surface with little interference, and will I admit some recklessness in how I've invested my energies, but I am no fool. I am neither naïve nor desperate. And I can say in all sincerity that what we felt then was, at least for a short while, genuine love.

From the top of the lighthouse we could see everything. The old downtown, with its mixture of colonial and Spanish Renaissance buildings. The Matanzas River, named for the 1565 massacre of shipwrecked Huguenots, separating my island from the mainland. The harbor of St. Augustine, crowded with sailboats and pleasure craft, a forest of masts. And then the sea, blue and inviting, the sea that would soon separate us. We held each other tightly and looked upon the Atlantic together, casting our dreams towards the horizon, into this vista of seemingly endless possibility and hope.

On our last night together, we took a naked midnight swim in my pool, which is lit from above by a row of blue lights. A light and warm rain fell on our heads as we twined our legs underwater, and our ardor cast a web of rippling refractive patterns on the pool's concrete bottom. He looked me in the eyes, kissed me with the utmost gentleness, and formally invited me to come stay with him in Moscow. I accepted with my new magic word, "Да."

The following morning, our parting was so sweet, and so warm. We solidified our promise to be reunited. He drove down to Key West, enjoying a music playlist I assembled for him, and then he flew up to New York for a week's visit with old friends. After he returned to Moscow, we embarked on a passionate long-distance affair via telephone and social media apps.

I plunged right away into the Russian language, practicing for hours a day, rediscovering my knack for linguistics. I bought books on the cities of Moscow and St. Petersburg, books on Russian verbs, flashcards, a portable dictionary. I subscribed to online learning programs, put apps on my phone, read up on the country's history. I was all in, bringing every available bit of my enthusiasm, work ethic, and inventiveness to the challenge. Every day, I would send him sweet little videos or text messages ... sharing good news, conveying small but significant events of my daily life, showing off my rapidly accelerating grasp of Russian. I sent him notes of encouragement, pictures of me looking my cutest, small but enjoyable details of my life on Anastasia Island. I sent him a short clip of the black skimmers that sliced back and forth across the thin swash of the surf, their beaks dipping into half an inch of water. I sent him pelicans, beach crabs, waves, paintings, difficult words, idioms, cute terms of venery, sunsets, clouds, kisses, evidence of my changing body. I sent him love, every day. "каждый день," I promised him, placing my hand on my heart, "каждый день." Every day.

My love deepened by the hour. I know this is going to sound so gushy and gross, but I really pushed the lighthouse metaphor pretty hard, calling myself "твой смотритель м��яка" or "your lighthouse keeper". I meant this in all sincerity, without a drop of bathos or schmaltz. Our time atop the lighthouse was sacred to me. I promised him that I would keep its light burning bright.

Over time, however, things shifted. As my interest grew, his began to dwindle. He sent less and less of himself, slowly removing from our conversation his humor, his sexuality, his warmth, his trust. It was like seeing a fully assembled jigsaw puzzle get lifted into the air, and watching all the pieces falling out ... at first only a few at a time, then more and more, until there was only a jagged perimeter where there had once been a lovely picture.

The nadir came when he lost his temper with me over my visa. I was confused about the process, as the Russian consulate and other sources were providing patchy and often conflicting information, and his own explanations changed from day to day. During our last video chat, I asked one too many questions, and he snapped. He rolled his eyes, effectively called me stupid and childish, and hung up on me three times. My many attempts at reconciliation were completely rebuffed. It was both baffling and extraordinarily painful.

Two days after our fight he was in a terrible car accident, one from which he miraculously escaped unharmed. He posted on social media an impassioned paragraph about the event, and how it drew into sharp focus all the love he had in his life, how he felt that he wasn't deserving of such love, how grateful he was for his friends. Yet instead of contacting me, inviting me into this experience, or trying to repair our frayed connection, he spent his evenings logging back into Scruff, the aforementioned dating app. He continued to ignore me, choosing instead to pursue (or perhaps refresh) other opportunities. I tried in vain to reach him, to restore our bond, but was met with only the most chilling silence.

How had I been so wrong? Had my desire devolved into mere obsession, albeit one artfully disguised as love? Had my zeal somehow suffocated him? The irony for me was that this disastrous affair unfolded during a period of rapid and positive transformation. In the space of the last seven months, I'd already changed my diet, fixed my teeth, joined a gym, paid off a chunk of my debt, reorganized my home office, purchased a standing desk, resumed my daily beach walks, started seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist. My relationship to my body was improving, I was working at a higher level of professional responsibility, gaining new clients, writing my fourth novel, and churning out the finest paintings of my career. A recent experience with ayahuasca had given me valuable insights into my adulthood. It seemed only right that this Russian should be the cherry on my sundae, a prize I had been working so hard to deserve.

And so, after admitting my own disenchantment, I surrendered. Reeling from an overwhelming feeling of loss, I wrote him a heartfelt letter in Russian, one in which I explained the hurt his indifference was causing me. I poured a lot of benevolent energy into this letter. And then I said to him the saddest word I've learned in Russian, "Прощай", which is the type of goodbye you use when you think you are not likely to see someone again. It translates, literally, into "forgive me."

Here is the letter I wrote to him, translated into English:

***

"V_____, beautiful V____:

Okay. I give up.

Your silence gave me a very clear and very painful answer. You have been entrusted with something rare and beautiful, and you have shown that you do not want it. So now it's gone.

I'm sorry my heart bored you so much. I will no longer annoy you with my desires.

The love that I offered you ... pure and strong, given without demands or jealous limitations ... does not come often.

It pains me to realize that you do not appreciate what I have tried to give you. It is even more painful to realize that I may have aggravated the situation with my zeal. But the distance that you put between us is your choice, and I must respect that.

It seems that the epiphany you experienced in the car accident, the moment you thought of all the love in your life, did not include my love for you. Your priorities are yours, and I accept that. But you almost died yesterday, V_____. And instead of choosing to bond with a man who cares about you so much, your focus shifted to Scruff. Your indifference is so obvious now. Please do not say anything ugly or cruel in response. There is already enough sorrow on my island. I feel both grief and embarrassment, but not anger. I've always wanted the best for you, and it's still true.

I sincerely wish you a long and happy journey. I hope you enjoy many successes and find many pleasures. I hope you stay healthy. I hope the man you choose deserves your best gifts. I hope you find a better lighthouse. I must direct my light now to those who are really looking for it. So now I must tell you the saddest word that I have learned in your language.

Goodbye."

***

Please allow me now to rewind a few years, and tell a correlative story.

In the autumn of 2019, during a period of intense sadness and frustration, I fled from Anastasia Island and drove impulsively across the state to the Gulf Coast. I didn't have a clear destination, I didn't pack enough clothes or supplies, and I was so blinded with tears and unexpressed rage that I didn't know where I was, or even care much about where I might land. While getting lost somewhere in the vicinity of St. Petersburg, I glanced at a map, dragged my finger along the squiggly coastline, saw the name Treasure Island, and thought, "That's gotta be the place."

I don't know what I was expecting to find there. Something about the name sounded so exciting, so exotic. And as the evening wore on, my anticipation grew. I thought, in my desperation, that everything would be all right once I got to Treasure Island. Over the next few hours, I convinced myself that I'd finally feel good again in such a place, that my pain and confusion would certainly evaporate once I reached this safe haven. I'd check into a nice hotel room, preferably one with 300 thread-count sheets and a coffee maker, and I'd dream about pirate ships and gold doubloons, and when I opened my eyes and yawned and stretched against the sun-dappled pillows my life would basically feel like a commercial for some bougie brand of almond milk. When I arrived, however, I was deeply disappointed to see another narrow stretch of high-rise hotels, littered beaches, rank seaweed, and greyish-brown water. I found the cheapest hotel room around, one of the few remaining vacancies on the shore, and there I found neither crisp bedsheets nor good coffee. The view from my balcony, however, was utterly amazing: I could see not only a broad curving swath of the beach, but also a glow of distant resort hotels, some of them reflected in the waves. It was strangely romantic, seeing these twinkling lights ... red, gold, green, blue ... and their silent conversation with the stars, a dialogue of jewels above the warm churning waters of the Gulf. But it wasn't the salvation I had been hoping for.

When I got up the next morning, I was still facing the same problems, the same irritations, the same heavy sorrows. Treasure Island would not, could not, rescue me from myself. So I drove back home to my own island, back to my lighthouse, and was relieved to discover that it was in fact even more stirring than I had remembered. During my absence Anastasia Island had become a magical and restorative place, quite different than the one I had left only days before.

What I should have learned back then, but have only come to realize now, was this: I didn't need to travel to a distant island of treasure and twinkling stars, for my own island already had plenty of both. I didn't need to seek the incandescence of a handsome man to light my way, as my own inner flame was at last beginning to shine without the shutters of inhibition or profligacy.

I am now recalling my disappointment with Treasure Island, while concurrently considering my grief over the Russian. At first, I wanted to hate him for his carelessness, for how he squandered my gifts. But I don't hate him. Not really. There's no need to wring my hands any further over his callousness. I don't even mourn his absence anymore. My mood has shifted today, and I no longer choose to see this abortive liaison as being so devastating. For I know, deep down, that the failure here was not really mine. I am not a loser for investing myself unreservedly in someone who could not fully appreciate me, nor I am not the weaker man for feeling injured. I will not be permanently depleted for having offered all that kindness to an undeserving recipient, as my wellspring of love remains inexhaustible.

I tried to share my lighthouse with the Russian. But he did not recognize how special it really was, and he declined to follow its beacon to a rewarding harbor. And thus, our romance was destroyed, and his memory became just another broken boat littering the shallows.

I have seen so many ruins in my years: bad relationships, lousy jobs, soured opportunities. My life story reads like a ledger of dashed hopes. It seems sometimes that both the island I occupy and the more elusive island I am eternally seeking are surrounded by shipwrecks. Yet the lighthouse of my spirit still stands, sturdier and stronger than ever. The waves may batter its bricks, salt may scour its surfaces, it may occasionally groan under its own weight ... but it will not crumble, it will not fail, and even in the darkest of hours this lamp of mine will continue to shine: bright, focused, undiminished.

[alternislatronemhq]

Congrats, Nicky, you have been accepted to AL for the role of Lucius Malfoy (FC: Cody Ferm). NICKYYYY! Wow, this makes the third group that we’re in together, and as usual, you’ve blown me away by the way you’re able to get into the head of your character. You just have a gift with the Malfoys, and Lucius is such a fascinating character in your hands. I’m so eager to see how his character develops in this new verse, and your plot ideas are just fantastic! Pumped to have you here. Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist.Welcome home, we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — Nicky age — 30+ pronouns — she/her timezone — EST activity level — medium: I play in and help admin another game, but I should still have plenty of time for a decent amount of Lucius-ing over here! Probably not every day, but certainly multiple times per week! any questions? — nope, everything looks super great!

IC Overview

name — Lucius Abraxas Malfoy age — 31 gender — gender-fluid…not that Lucius has the words for that, but he knows how he feels and he’s never bothered to fuss about it. Lucius has always been supremely confident in himself (and herself – although again, he lacks the awareness of gender that would let him understand that his feelings about “his” gender sometimes fit other pronouns better than the ones he was assigned at birth, so he only ever uses him – even when he doesn’t feel like a him) and the only downside to that is that his confidence arrogance honestly blinds him a little bit to the nuances of his own identity – because he’s Lucius Malfoy. There’s no room for figuring out any other details of identity next to that. The upside to his confidence, of course, is that he doesn’t hesitate to express himself in whatever way feels most comfortable, no matter how other people might react – so if some days he’d rather wear robes more suited to a witch, or deck himself out in his late mother’s finest jewelry, or paint his face with the finest make-up…he’ll just do it. Why not? He is who he is, and Lucius has never apologized for that…well, not and meant it anyway! sexuality — pansexual…which again, he lacks the terminology for. Yes, the word itself was coined in 1917, but it was coined by Muggles; even if it’s made its way into the Wizarding World by now, it wouldn’t have made its way to Lucius…not that he needs it. Lucius isn’t the sort who requires a label to know himself, and he simply never cared about gender. His orientation might be better described as “pretty-sexual” because he’s shallow as anything; it’s just not gender that affects his interests. In fact, he thinks the way some people let something as silly and pointless as gender dictate their attraction is just absurd – and he won’t hesitate to share that fact. patronus — peacock (because of course, right?) although usually noncorporeal…not that Lucius doesn’t have happy memories, because he certainly does; conjuring the patronus isn’t a difficulty. Keeping the patronus conjured when in the face of something nasty is where he falters – because Lucius has always been a little bit spineless. He’s better at the Dark Arts than the Light, because it’s easier to force negative emotions than positive ones; he’s happy when he feels happy, but he’s adept at using anger and hate even when he’s not feeling them. He can compartmentalize extremely well (hence his positively artful mastery of the Imperius Curse) but he’s never learned to fake happy. Lucius either wears a completely opaque mask or wears his feelings right out on his sleeve – no in between. And a patronus requires a bit of that in between, remembering happy even when you’re scared or angry and not just in an “oh I wish” sense, but in an yes I was happy then, I can be happy right not thinking about it again and that’s not something he does well. So his patronus is weak…but then again, with the spells he knows, what does he need a patronus for anyway? boggart — dog…a great slavering, drooling, barking, tooth-bared beast, filthy and matted with blood on its lips and frenzy in its eyes. It’s anyone’s guess whether he’s more afraid of the teeth or the threat of muck from the filthy in its fur – Lucius certainly isn’t telling. He’s good at compartmentalizing fear, anyway, so boggarts don’t cause him much trouble. One quick Riddikulus and the beast’s legs drop off and its teeth fall out, and it falls helpless and yelping to the ground, frenzy replaced by confusion and fear. Maybe that wouldn’t be a funny enough sight for most people – they’d probably turn it into a toy dog, squeaking and colorful, or maybe tie it up in bright ribbon or something cutesy like that – but Lucius’s sense of humor, while sharp, is also a bit dark. He thinks it’s hilarious. He won’t be laughing so hard later, probably – because the war is coming back, and this time Lucius has more to lose than he did when he first donned that silver mask. The first time he sees his son’s broken body before him, he’ll understand how normal people feel when they face a boggart: shaken, terrified, hollow. And not even his clever wits will be able to quickly conjure a way to make that funny. But that’s later; for now, it’s still the ugly dog and the cruel laughter engendered by its plight.

IC In Depth

personality traits — at least two positive and two negative, explain

Loyal – there are people who call Lucius a snivelling, spineless coward who would betray anybody to save his own skin, and they’re not wrong…except the part about him betraying anybody. Lucius is extremely loyal, but only to those whom he deems most important to him: his family. The Malfoys have always put family first – to the lengths of being willing to sacrifice their own ambitions (and even lives) for the sake of the greater name and lineage. Like many of the old, insular pure-blood families, their members have a tendency to be sorted into the same Hogwarts House as those who came before – but it’s not as universal a thing as it is with some and if a Malfoy isn’t going to be in Slytherin, it’s a pretty safe bet to put your money on them being in Hufflepuff. Indeed, it took the Sorting Hat a good two minutes to decide where to put young Lucius (and it was his innate laziness that ultimately kept him out of the cellars; while he certainly has drive and it more than willing to work hard to achieve his goals, if there’s an easy way out Lucius won’t hesitate to take that instead). He would do anything, sacrifice anything, for those who are most precious to him; his loyalty to them is boundless. Too bad for the rest of the world that that means he won’t hesitate to sacrifice them for the sake of those he loves, too – and that the number of people who truly matter above all else is so small: one wife, one son. Even his own father goes on the list of “potential sacrifice” if need be to keep Draco and Narcissa safe. Good thing Abraxas is a Malfoy, too; the old man might be a terror, but he understands that sort of family loyalty too.

Arrogant – Lucius went most of his life not just thinking but knowing that there was no one in the world who could compare to him. These days, he knows there are two people who are better: his son and his wife. And no one else even holds a candle to the three of them. It’s more than just confidence; it’s an absolute, unshakable belief in his own superiority. (Daddy’s lectures about Malfoys being better than everyone else took hold a little too well.) Time ought to have at least tempered if not punctured this bubble, but alas, Lucius is talented enough that he managed to escape the cold dose of reality that often undercuts the insufferable. He did learn how to ingratiate himself (a talent acquired mostly through the simple expedient of being so much younger than the majority of the people he was trying to impress) to the point of obsequiousness, at times – but just because Lucius is kneeling and begging and sniveling for his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t still think he’s better than you. He has a knack for compartmentalizing that makes him extremely gifted at mental magicks like Legilimency and Occlumency, but that same knack has a detrimental impact on his character as well: because he’s so good at it, he can even compartmentalize reality when it conflicts with his convictions. When Lucius is shown-up at something, instead of questioning whether he really is as good as he thinks he is, he finds ways to dismiss it – there were extenuating circumstances, maybe, or it’s a skill that isn’t all that important anyway, etc. So even when he’s been badly humbled, his confidence shattered, his arrogance remains. Even in defeat, Lucius knows he’s still better than the people who beat him. That’s just who he is.

Clever – Call him shrewd, observant, manipulative, even machiavellian – Lucius is all those things. He is a talented, quick-witted wizard with few (if any) scruples. He can talk his way out of trouble almost as fast as he can think his way out of said trouble, lightning-quick and eloquent. He’s already ready with a barb or a drawling retort, as quick with a jibe as he is with a jinx. In part, it’s a natural talent – and in part it’s because Lucius views the whole world as a sort of game, one that he’s been practicing all his life. Even now, having lived through the horrors of a war, he still looks at the world as a game – and games can be won. (He’s the sort of player who cheats, too, and doesn’t see anything wrong with that; everybody is cheating, after all. It’s just a matter of who does it better, and who’s clumsy enough to get caught…and dumb enough to let getting caught be a problem instead of the next step in the game.) Perhaps that’s why he so rarely wakes up screaming, when by all rights he ought to suffer from daily nightmares after the things he’s seen – the things he’s done. But Lucius doesn’t have a guilty conscience. (There are some who say he doesn’t have a conscience at all.) Anyone he hurt has themselves to blame as much as him, after all; if they’d been better at the game, they’d have been able to protect themselves, like he did. He was clever enough to talk his way into Voldemort’s inner circle; clever enough to talk his way out of Azkaban; clever enough see which way the wind was blowing after the war and pivot to a new role that would carry him further than his old reputation – not that he doesn’t still make sure of some of that; having people half-convinced that you could Curse them as easily as you charm them with your honeyed words comes in handy…and Lucius could. He’s an exceptionally adept wizard, especially in certain useful areas of magic; he could get his way through force a lot more often than he does…but it’s more fun to charm and cajole instead.

Callous – You can’t even call it selfishness, although Lucius is selfish – albeit generous with friends, allies, and those he’s trying to sucker…but giving away gold and gifts and grandiose praise doesn’t cost him anything; petty selfishness is a different thing entirely. No, Lucius is callous not because he’s greedy (he has enough that he can afford not to act greedy and still satiate his greed) but because he doesn’t care about other people. Oh, he can put on an appearance of sympathy with the best of them, and on some level he can even feel great sorrow and pity for other people…but he doesn’t really care. Not about anybody outside his small circle of family and a few close friends – and even then, he’d not blink to see half the latter in distress if the circumstance were right. Lucius is the sort of man who would let the world burn not because he delights in chaos, but because he doesn’t care enough about the people screaming around him to put it out. He only cares about “the world” as a concept at all because it’s the world that he – and his son – have to life in; the future matters for Draco, not because there’s anything of value in the abstract concept of “the future.” Which is not to say that he is without all feelings of human sympathy; should someone he does care about find themselves in pain or distress of any sort, Lucius will be distraught (possibly furious, depending on the circumstance) and genuinely sympathetic – but only to the people he cares about. Everyone else can burn for all he cares. Lucius Malfoy is not adept at the Cruciatus Curse because he revels in causing other people pain; he’s adept at the Cruciatus Curse because he doesn’t see anything wrong with someone else screaming. He’s not the sort to go out of his way to find a toy to play with the way some (such as his sister-in-law) of his old allies were known to do…but he will smirk and sneer and mock a victim without so much as a flicker of remorse. And why not? Why should he care about other people who don’t care about him?

character biography — doesn’t have to be overly long, just give us the important moments in the character’s life

Lucius is an only child, born late in his father’s life to Abraxas’s fourth wife. Rumors about about the terrible mischances that took the first three – a mysterious illness, a tragic accident, and the scandal of running off to the Côte d'Ivoire with a Mudblood – and about the many miscarriages and cot-deaths that carried-off the family’s previous attempts at an heir. (No one can prove that there are squib babies buried in the estate’s gardens…but no one can prove that there aren’t, either.) When Lucius came along, it was a relief to old Abraxas and he raised his son with both indulgent luxury and demanding expectations. Lucius’s childhood wasn’t easy, with his father always breathing down his neck, but the trade-off was that as long as he excelled at everything, he got anything he could ever want. That seemed like a pretty good deal – and it’s not like it was hard for a clever, talented, ambitious boy to succeed at Hogwarts. Slug Club in his first year, Slytherin Chaser in his third, prefect in his fifth, Quidditch captain in his sixth…and not even Abraxas could blame him for the fact that he did not make Head Boy, not with that Muggle-lover Albus Dumbledore as headmaster. Besides, by then Lucius’s eyes were already on his next ambition…

It wasn’t hard for him to curry favor with the Dark Lord, and Lucius earned his Dark Mark within a year of leaving Hogwarts. He was young, but he was valuable too – not just for his name and social position, but for his charm. Lucius was good in a duel (and grew better fast with so many vicious allies with whom to train and trade knowledge) but Voldemort had many Death Eaters who could fight; Lucius’s value lay in the minds he could sway (through words or spells) whether by recruiting other allies, or merely spreading support for the Dark Lord’s ideals. Abaxas was less than thrilled that his only son would agree to serve anyone, even Voldemort, but he had no qualms with the Dark Lord’s ideals, so their arguments over it never went too far (but Abraxas lost no time in spouting I-told-you-so’s after Voldemort’s fall). War was hard, and often dangerous, but the dark years were brightened by something that overshadowed all of that: love and marriage to the most wonderful witch in the world. (Even Abraxas could find no flaws with his daughter-in-law, although he did make several snide comments about the disgrace of Narcissa’s former sister – until she hexed him into silence, after which he promptly declared her a perfect match for his only son.) It took longer than they might have liked to have a child, but once they did – once they had an heir – it seemed like everything might well be perfect.

There were losses and close-calls during the war, and they had several friends to mourn, but the only direct tragedy in Lucius’s life was the death of his mother when she mistook a deadly herbicide for a harmless sleeping draught – a suspicious tragedy, perhaps, on the heels of two other unexpected deaths, but once again no one (not even Lucius) could prove that his father had been in any way involved. The war, at least, offered a distraction from grief at her death – until the war ended, suddenly and with little ceremony, and the Malfoys found themselves abruptly left on the losing side. They might have been able to weather that storm with little harm (they were far too respected, and too connected, to not be able to squirm free of repercussions) but then Narcissa’s sister had to go off and torture bloody James Potter like that, and…well, on top of everything else it seemed like just “escaping Azkaban” wasn’t enough. The family needed to do something to “prove” to the public that they shouldn’t be painted with the same brush as vicious Bellatrix Lestrange – a grand gesture. And what could be grander than turning their backs on one sister and reconciling with another?

Narcissa wasn’t keen on the idea, but Lucius convinced her – no easy feat, with Cissy being one of the tojurs pur noble House of Black, whose purity-mania had been second only to the unlamented Gaunts, but Lucius had always had a knack for being convincing…and besides, their was their child’s future to think of. So Narcissa agreed, and Lucius led the push of glad-handing and grinning at half-blood and blood-traitors and even the occasional Mudblood, enshrining the Malfoy family in the eyes of the wizarding world as good people. Not blood-traitors themselves, oh no, they never went that far – but a little more easy-going about things than they’d once been; a little more tolerant. They stopped (mostly) using the word Mudblood in public; stopped pushing for pro-pureblood laws with their gold and their influence. They still toed the line of being respectable wix of course, polite and traditional…but less strict about who (and what) they were willing to let into their own inner circle. They even allowed Andromeda’s Mudblood husband and their mongrel brat in their home! Yes, the Malfoys had clearly changed, and all the world could see it.

Lucius recently engaged in another grand gesture, although this one with more sincerity and enthusiasm: the “little girl” that he and his wife had thought they were raising declared himself to be a wizard, not a witch, and while it took the Malfoys a little while to come on board with the idea (not so much because they had trouble with the concept as because the child’s ability to explain himself was stymied somewhat by Lucius’s own rather flippant disregard for gender norms – so saying he was just like daddy didn’t mean as much as it would have in another house) once they did, they didn’t hold back. Narcissa pulled down the book of constellations to help her son find a new name (it didn’t take him long – I can be a dragon? I wanna be a dragon!) while Lucius took-out a full-page ad in the Daily Prophet to print an amended birth announcement so the whole world would know about their precious Draco. Lucius would have been happy to spend the rest of his life preening over his clever, brilliant, perfect son, and litlte else – but it seems the world has other plans in mind.

As rumors of darkness returning swirl, the Malfoys find themselves in a difficult position: they turned their backs on the more hardcore of their old allies to court new, muddier friends; they didn’t so much renounce the old ways as quietly shuffle away from them…and now the old ways are calling in what they owe. If the Dark Lord is indeed coming back – or even if he isn’t, and it’s merely other old supporters rallying the cause again – the Malfoys will be in trouble. They’ll be punished for their disloyalty, and not even Lucius’s silver tongue will be enough to talk their way out of that – not after they made such a public show of reconciling with Narcissa’s blood-traitor relatives, not after everything Lucius has said to the public and the press, all the work they’ve done to build a new reputation…work that may now doom them. The only way to keep themselves safe from the Dark Lord’s retribution is to lean in and really commit to the newer, more “tolerant” ideals to which they’ve spent the last five years paying lip service. If their old allies are their enemies now, that means they need to make their old enemies into allies – ingratiate themselves so well that those they once fought will be willing to protect them against their old friends. It’s not going to be pleasant…but there’s nothing Lucius won’t do to keep his family safe. Nothing.

plot ideas — either for the broader group plot or for your specific character

THE DIARY of course! Since Lucius was entrusted with that by Voldemort shortly before the Dark Lord’s death when he was still a devoted follower…which he isn’t, anymore. So now what? How/when/if will he figure out what this thing is, or that it’s something that matters now? Will he dare to defy Voldemort enough to actually help destroy that? Will he want to keep it for some sort of insurance for himself? Will learning what it is (what sort of dangerous thing the Dark Lord put in the same house as his son!) give him and Sirius a reason to work together, and how awkward will that be for both of them? Will his knowledge of the Dark Arts prove invaluable to Sirius’s mission to destroy the horcruxes, both giving him a chance to do “good” using his “bad” skills and also forcing Sirius to grapple with the conflicting issue of “ends justifying the means” and what it means to use the Dark Arts for “the greater good”? Will he keep possession of the diary a secret (maybe purposefully, maybe without understanding that it matters) too long and endanger his family by having it there when the Dark Lord comes back for it? Will he get rid of it and face Voldemort’s wrath for that later, instead – and then have no diary he can offer-up to temper said wrath? There are a lot of ways that this can go, and I’m on board for ALL of them!

DOBBY – we know he hates the Malfoys, hates working for them. Probably doesn’t buy into their “we’re good now, mkay?” vibe at all…so does that set him up to be this story’s Kreacher? Will he find a way to betray them, and if he does what will that do – will it be a betrayal that hurts the Order and Dumbledore as well? One that opens a weakness for the Dark Lord or his old Death Eaters to take advantage of? Dobby was a savior in canon because it was Harry Potter he wanted to help, but now that the Malfoys are “good guys” (technically speaking) will that make Dobby easy for the bad guys to manipulate or take advantage of? Or might Dobby simply take action on his own without being aware of the wider consequences, and inadvertently bring disaster? Again, lots of directions that this one could go depending on what the greater game plot demands – but I think the idea of having Dobby serve as a sort of cat’s paw or monkey wrench at some point would be really interesting, so file that one away on your back burner! ;)

ROSIERS – they’re related pretty closely through Narcissa’s mother (and tbh all the pure-bloods are related somehow the inbreeding is strong here lol) which also ties them to the Longbottoms through Alice and Evan being cousins; given the rather disparate sides on which those families stand, that puts some nice tension into the room…so how does that translate? Maybe a birthday party for dear little Draco (and if it’s his first birthday party as a boy, you know the Malfoys are going to go even bigger and more absurd with the extravaganza than their usual already over-the-top nonsense) that ends up getting a little out of hand – direct conflict that breaks-out into dueling? Party-crashing that gets ugly? Sabotage? Attempted poisoning? An attack? Lots of possibilities, again, dependent on what stage of things the plot has reached at the time – but given the Malfoys’ nature as gregarious social butterflies, it would be easy enough to have them throw a party for any reason any time one was needed for a plot event, whether it involves the Rosiers/Longbottoms or not!

LONGBOTTOMS – speaking of the Longbottoms…what is their relationship with the Malfoys? (Do they have one?) How close (or not at all) was Alice to Narcissa before their respective marriages, did they know each other well? Were they so distant they barely considered themselves family at all? Somewhere in between? That’s obviously something to be plotted/discussed between any Narcissa and Alice players, of course – I just think it could be very interesting to deal with any sort of connection between the Longbottoms, who were responsible for the death of Voldemort, and the Malfoys, whose world was up-ended by said death. Plus, they literally fought on opposite sides of a war…do the Longbottoms suspect that Lucius was under one of those silver masks? Do Lucius and Narcissa know that the Longbottoms were in the Order? They’re Aurors too, which probably puts some strife into things given the Malfoys’ predilection for the Dark Arts (and to circumventing the law in general) even if they’ve never been caught red-handed enough to face more than a few wink-and-a-nod fines. They’ve also got sons the same age; with the Malfoys being technically “good guys” this time, does that mean that Draco and Neville might end up having a play-date or two? Again, this all depends on plotting and backstories of other players, but I’m definitely in for seeing something happen with these two families!

POTTERS – His sister-in-law tortured Lily’s husband into a coma. He’s close friends with Severus, one of Lily’s oldest friends. And her current parenting-partner is his wife’s cousin (who’s currently working on destroying Voldemort’s horcruxes, one of which is stashed in Lucius’s house). Can anyone say awkward? Because I sure as hell can! There are a lot of things to tie these people unwillingly together even before their sons end up rivals at school together, and I’m eager to explore all of them.

DEATH EATERS – Lucius wasn’t just allies with these people; he was, in many cases, friends. Always an outgoing, charming, vivacious wizard, Lucius was popular all his life – good at making friends, and also good at assessing people and knowing how to get them on his side, whether by ingratiating himself to them or making them want to ingratiate themselves to him, etc. So even among the cut-throat, backstabbing, power-hungry Death Eaters, he was well-liked by more than most…but how far does friendship really go? He’s maintained a cordial, sometimes even friendly relationship with many of his old comrades-in-marks despite his public persona of someone barely better than a blood-traitor in their eyes…but does that mean any of them would hesitate to Avada Kedavra him on their old master’s orders? Can he expect any mercy, any help, any quarter – if not for himself, maybe at least for his wife and son? Maybe he should work to cozy-up to them even more…or maybe he should cut ties and put as much distance between them as possible, for the sake of safety. He might well do all of the above with different characters, so please – if you write a Death Eater, let’s plot out some drama!

SEVERUS SNAPE – Lucius was the first person to truly welcome Severus to the wizarding world, and while Lucius didn’t see anything special about the scrawny boy at first glance – he was just doing his duty as a newly-minted prefect to Slytherin’s new crop of first years – it didn’t take him long to realize that Severs was special…and vulnerable. One of, if not the, cleverest snakes in his year, it was obvious to anyone with eyes (translation: almost no one) that the boy was gifted. He was lonely too, and having someone like Lucius Malfoy demonstrate acceptance and praise of him was probably intoxicating to Severus. No wonder he ended up making friends with the sort of wannabe-Death Eaters that Lucius had hung around with in school; they probably followed Lucius’s lead, looked at scrawny Severus, and assumed that if Lucius thought he was valuable it must be true. Perhaps Lucius was even the one who made the overture to welcome Snape into the Death Eaters, the one who assured the Dark Lord that this greasy-haired half-blood was more than he seemed…I don’t know, but I’d love to plot-out a relationship with a Severus player! I think Lucius was probably a condescending bastard to Snape because he’s that way with everyone, but I also think he genuinely likes Snape too. I think Lucius considers him a close friend – and after the war ended with the both of them not on the side they’d seemed to be, one of the closest – and the fact that he sometimes tries to manipulate Snape doesn’t impact that at all; that’s what friends do, right? So I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a healthy, fair relationship…but it’s also genuine on Lucius’s part. He’d be shocked to be told that he’s ever not treated Severus well, honestly – he thinks he has. And given Snape’s rather troubled, traumatic childhood, it’s even possible that Snape agrees idk! I’d love to talk ideas through with whoever ends up playing Severus – especially what comes next. Does Lucius figure out that Snape is in the Order? He certainly knows that Snape is close to Dumbledore – which means that his fifteen-year-old instincts were right: Snape is valuable. Perhaps the mos valuable person Lucius knows, the one who might well save his skin in the days to come…if he can trust Snape to have his back, now that the both of them have turned their backs on the man who Marked them.

extra — honestly this app is already a million years long, so no, I am not going to force anyone to look at anything else I’M SORRY IT’S SO DAMN LONG XD

[baggietheadventurer]

Homework Diary Week 5

The following are a weeks worth of the journal entries required for Baggie to write for her lessons. She has started to really write up a storm in them, and I an no longer do the pictures of the journal, there is just too much here. So instead its all just being written out. 

Day 1

Omo got hurt. She is a new sister. I made a turban for her and gave her a bell when i first met her. She wears the bell on her earing. Now whenever she is around there is a jingle jingle jingle and all the ghosts go away. Omo is my walking ghost repellent! She likes the draw and play hide and seek with strangers.

She got hurt whens he was sparing with Arl. I wasn’t there to see what happened but I’m very sure it was an accident. Arl would never hurt my sisters on purpose. That would go against his whole reason why we have him. Even though it was an accident she still hurt a great deal.

She is fine now, but when she was hurt her ghosts came out to haunt her. Probably because the bell in her ear wasn’t ringing while she was laying still. I am not going to write about Omo’s ghosts because that’s something personal. Writing secrets will not do any good. I’m not going to write Asli’s secret too, that secret remains only in the tribe.

Asli is a new sister, who is of the same litter as Omo. I tried to help banish the ghosts though by ringing the bell above her. I think it helped a little. But Asli decided it was best to take her away where she can be quiet and hide. Hiding is the best thing to do when your sick or injured because then no one can come and take advantage of your weakened state.

I found out about Omo being hurt when I was rushing home to put away my bow and ball before going to the party at my school house. There were people in the front of the apartment arguing about what happened to Omo with Naru and Leyeh.

Leyeh is a tai of our tribe, he is never around because he is an inspector of ships for Limsa Lominsa. I think he is a pretty corrupt inspector because he doesn’t accept bribes. He doesn't agree with me, so I think he’s also silly for not seeing how logical it is to accept bribes. Everyone accepts bribes.

One of the people who argued about Omo is named Milos. He is a huyr. Milos is a very red man. I saw him at the party in the school house. Since he goes to the same school house, I can’t imagine he’s is a bad sort. Though it makes me uneasy how he was arguing with my tia. I told him that Omo was going to be fine when I saw him at the party and he looked relieved.

Day 2

The party was at my school house. It happened because Azhil decided we will have a barbecue when he, me, Ro, another very red man, and the prince went hunting and caught four drakes. The drakes were cooked up slowly, and they were juicy and delicious. There was cookies, and rice, and Alfy made tea, and there was cake, and fried potatoes, and these green things that were okay but still food so I ate them.

I met all kinds of people at the party. One of them was a lalafell named Nana. She isn’t the landlady, but the maid, healer, and boss. She scolded the prince for eating the tea cup. I was pretty impressed he managed to bite hard enough to get a bite. I tried to bite my tea cup that hard but couldn't. She also scolded someone else for being on top of the fish tank. That is a dumb rule to have, when the fish tank is so high up and sitting on it will give you a good view of the entire rule. But one must never disagree with a  lalafell, because if you do they get angry. No one likes it when the lalafell get angry, because of how they get so scary.

Alfy and Ro scolded me for eating so fast. They added a new rule to the school house. No shoving as much food in your mouth as possible. Now one must only eat one bite at a time. The school house is really starting to gain much too many rules. I already have nine rules! Nine! I counted them.

1 - No throwing alcohol in the fire or dumping on the rug

2 -  No eating the fish pets.

3- Take a bath when you first arrive at the school house

4- No eating the chocobo in the stables.

5- No pooping or peeing in Ro’s room

6- No climbing on the very top of the shelving

7- Eat all food one bite at a time.

8- No eating the dishes

9- No climbing on the top of the fish tank.

How anyone functions with this much oppression is a mystery to me. It seems to get worse and worse as each day I get another rule!

Day 3

Padjal are huyr that transformed by elements deep in a forest to be filled with many holes and really powerful conjurers. The people of Gridania really find padjal to be filled with holes and revere them for it. This probably means they have to have at least twice the normal amount of holes than a normal person. The typical person has 8 holes, so a padjal probably has 16 or 20 holes. They also have horns. Padjals are horny creatures filled with many holes and super magical powers.

They are Alfy’s natural predator. Alfy is afraid that a padjal is coming to eat him. At the party he accidentally mistaken Danyel for a padjal. Danyel isn’t a padjal, because he gives me cookies and he didn’t try to eat Alfy. I think Alfy’s mistake is because his ghosts were haunting him at the time and made Danyel look like a padjal to him. Ghosts are tricky that way. I can tell because he started to calm down after I rang the bell. So it's only natural he will start to see Danyel as a teacher instead of padjal when the ghost is banished by the bell.

It doesn't matter how many holes and how popular  a padjal is, if they are going to eat Alfy they are not welcomed. Not many people are practical though so they don’t see the need to boost our defenses. Luckily they have me, and I am taking matter in my own hands so that Alfy will be protected from all padjals. I will prepare three traps.

Trap 1- Pepper spray.

Padjals are simply huyrs that evolved to become holy and horny. So they have similar eyes to huyrs, therefore pepper spray should work on them just as well as they do on normal eyes. So Alfy will carry pepper spray with him wherever he goes. When a padjal goes to attack him, he will spray the predator in the eyes. This will stun the predator as it becomes painfully blind. Then i will shoot the beast with my bow and Ro will chop its head off with his sword. Afterwords we will have to hide the body or we will get angry Gridanians after us. We can bribe one of the street gangs to take care of it, or simply dump the body off the cliff ourselves.

Trap 2- Trip wire

Padjals walk on two legs with two feet just like huyr do. So we attach a low trip wire at the entrance of the garden. Then attach bells to the wire. The prowling padjal will trip face first from the wire, which will ring the bells. Once alerted we can either hide Alfy so the padjel will think the prey doesn’t live here, or we can pretend that Alfy is already dead and eaten, so the padjal will think it came too late. I’m pretty sure if we full one padjal, it will go and tell the others and then we won’t have a padjal problem anymore.

Trap 3- Scare Padjal

The best way to avoid any predator is to repel them away, like ghosts. We have a scarecrow in the front for the garden, all we have to do is adjust it so it will scare padjals and crows away. We do this by making the scarecrow look like a dead padjal. Then all padjals will stay away because they will see if they come over to our house they will die, just like the corpse above the garden. It's best just to use a fake dead pajdal though not a real one, because real corpses smell and after a while they bloat up, then get very liquidy.

Once all three traps are set there will be no way a padjal will come to hunt Alfy. we will have three  defenses against them. It will be important, however, to make sure Alfy never goes to Gridania where padjals naturally gather to breed and get their holes by the people there.

Day 4

I grew! I know I did. I don’t feel any taller but all my pants show my ankles now, and my clothing is much too tight. Plus my tail is defiantly longer. I no longer have to twist around to see it, and the tip of it now has more than just blond color. I’m probably an entire yalm taller than before now. I don’t know how tall I was before, and i don’t know how tall I am now, but it's definitely much taller.

Arl gave me money and I used to to buy new clothes. I got new pairs of kecks, and a fest and some shirts, and a pancho and some new shirts, and some new boots, and a pink tabard. I didn’t get alot of pretty clothes like what Lyhi and Hima wear. I probably should since no one even noticed I grew, and still call me “kid” or “little” or “child”. I just don’t want to wear pretty. I don’t want to be pretty.

The attention from being pretty would be nice but it just leads to silly and stupid things. I don’t actually want attention, i want recognition. I’m really tired of always being treated like a child! I haven’t been a child for at least six cycles now, but no one seems to acknowledge that.

Its always “behave Baggie”, “We can’t eat that Baggie”, “You’ll understand when you’re grown Baggie”. So many people seem to only see me as a child, and its really frustrating.

I am not a child. I take care of myself. I feed myself. I clothe myself. I go hunt. I go make things. I sell things. I know how to avoid the natural predators. Children do not do these things, adults do.

Maybe if I grow some more they will see me as an adult. The problem is I don’t think I have much growing left. This growth spur took me by surprise. I think it happened because for the last five weeks I not only been eating daily, but several times a day. So much food being piled in as to go somewhere, and I guess it decided to go upwards instead of sideways.

I don’t know why this is important because it never was before. I never cared about the strangers and their doings. Strangers do things, and I avoid them. However its now really really super very much important. I need for Arl, Naru, Lyhi and Danyel to be proud of me. Thinking that they are not makes my stomach and chest feel hurt but not actual hurt like ghost hurt. I don’t think they are though because they only see me as a child. No one is ever proud of children, they are useless.

Day 5

Drakes breath fire from breathing out oxygen instead of carbon dioxide. They breath out a high volume of oxygen, and releases a compressed fuel called dieythl. They keep stones in their gizzard, that clash together to create a spark, fuelled by dieythl, the spark grows then carries out of the drake by the oxygen.

Drakes have a very tough rough leathery skin on the outside and on the inside of their mouths. They can withstand very high temperatures in their mouth since that is where they spit out the fire.

Drakes are cold blooded. This means they do not warm themselves externally. However, unlike other cold blooded creatures such as snakes, drakes can be found in snowy area. This is because Drakes can create fire to warm themselves up when they need to.

Drakes reproduce once a year, and lay eggs. Every year they migrate to the same place to mate. The couple takes turn to fire the eggs for incubation. Eggs need to stay over a temperature of 355 degrees to keep the baby healthy. The sex of the baby can be determined by how hot the eggs are. The hotter the egg the more likely the hatchling will be born male.

Drakes live up to fifty cycles, and will start breading after their first cycle. You can tell the age of a drake by counting the amount of spikes on their tails. The natural predator to the drake is the sandworm.

Day 6

Hima is my little sister, but everyone seems to think she is my big sister. This sometimes really annoys me because it’s quite clear she is the little sister. Hima likes to play games, meet new people, and wear dresses. She doesn't like to wear pants. Her state of bare legs makes others of the tribe uncomfortable. They believe young women should not have bare legs. This belief is very hypocritical because Lyhi often has bare legs and no one ever complains about her.

Hima rarely ever does chores. No one ever asks us to do chores. I do chore automatically because that is what you do. When you are in the tribe you do everything you can to help the tribe, because the tribe comes first. Hima doesn’t do that. She does work as a hostess at a lounge.

Hima is really good at causing trouble and ignoring what Arl says. Her main specialities is looking cute, being friendly, and causing trouble. Arl tried to ground her once, but it didn’t stick. Grounding is when you force someone to wear pants. While Hima doesn’t like to wear pants she will wear long skirts.

Sometimes Hima is annoying because she gets in the way or I have to clean up after her. That's only sometimes. Most of the time I really love Hima around. Things are always way more fun because she will make it fun.

Day 7

Ovens are contained heated areas that cook food quicker than on a stove or frying pan because of air circulation. They are often made out of stone or metal so that it can withstand the heat inside. The heat source is often a fire fueled by coal or wood. The heat source is below and towards the back of the space for the food.

Heat air rises, so the heat in the oven will rise up, the turn from the slope of the oven that spreads on the top of the food. While it rises, it heats the bottom of the food.

To make an oven, you need to make a foundation from metal or stone. It is important that nothing flammable is made with the stove such as wood or cloth. Then you need to insert a heat source on the bottom, such as a place to burn fire. Inside the foundation, you create a dome area right above where the heat source is. For the most efficient oven, have a door to close over the cooking dome.

[disndatradio]

Stereogum’s 40 Best New Bands Of 2018

This fall, an artist found her voice. In A Star Is Born, Ally Campana goes from unknown to sensation in under a year. The movie is unrealistic wish fulfillment, but her upward trajectory embodies our hope for all artists, at least on a smaller scale: to become popular enough to follow their muse without sacrificing their integrity, to provide us with music that has a lasting impact. The narrative of the film is, of course, messy and more tragic, but perhaps in some alternate timeline ALLY would have made our list of the Best New Bands Of 2018. (Or not, if her debut was more “Why Did You Do That?” and less “Always Remember Us This Way.”)

Stereogum has been putting this list together since 2010, and we pride ourselves on doing a pretty good job of sussing out talented artists as they reach their crest. Of course, there are a few caveats: “New” is a relative term — a lot of these acts have been cutting their teeth for years. The viral, immediate fame that ALLY comes by in A Star Is Born is a rarity; instead, it’s usually a slow and steady climb. And, stubbornly, we still call it Best New Bands, even though a lot of the inclusions on this list aren’t bands at all, because why change a good thing when it’s working?

This list, which we purposefully run a bit removed from the year-end list onslaught, is meant as recognition for artists that have had a great year and as an investment in them for the future. Many of these names will be familiar to regular Stereogum readers, present in our daily music posts and Band To Watch column. If you revisit our lists from 2017, 2016, 2015, 2013, 2012, 2011, and 2010, you’ll find that we’ve been pretty on-point. So get familiar with Stereogum’s 40 Best New Bands Of 2018, presented in alphabetic order, below. You can also listen to a playlist of our picks on Spotify. Enjoy! –James Rettig

03 Greedo

LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA

An American original. His voice is an expressive wonder, a tangle of yips and cackles and sudden, overwhelming bursts of energy. Plenty of rappers have taken the weird early days of Young Thug as blueprints, but Greedo is the only one who has pushed Thug’s style further out into the ether. And yet he remains grounded to his own dark realities; he calls his music “emo for gangbangers.” Throughout the first half of 2018, Greedo pumped out an insane amount of music, and we’re going to need all of it. In July, Greedo turned himself in to start serving a 20-year prison sentence for drug and weapon possession. We won’t hear anyone like him anytime soon. –Tom Breihan

Anna Burch

LOCATION: Detroit, MI

Anna Burch isn’t exactly new. She’s been around for a while, singing in Frontier Ruckus and Failed Flowers and playing with people like Fred Thomas and Minihorse. But the Detroit rocker’s debut solo album Quit The Curse still feels like a real coming-out party. It’s easily the best thing she’s ever done, spinning wryly relatable tales of love and heartbreak over indie-rock that marries old school starry-eyed girl-group harmonies with scruffily melodic ’90s alt-pop. It sounds warm and comfortable, confident yet understated. In other words: It sounds like Anna Burch. –Peter Helman

Ashley McBryde

LOCATION: Nashville, TN

An Arkansas native, Ashley McBryde had spent a full decade in Nashville, trying to get a country music career going, before her tough and elegant song “A Little Dive Bar In Dahlonega” finally got the ball rolling. “A Little Dive Bar In Dahlonega” is a hard-luck ballad about ending the worst day of your life amidst a bunch of other sad sacks in a place where the drinks are cheap. And that song, it turns out, wasn’t a fluke. Girl Going Nowhere, McBryde’s debut album, is a gorgeously lived-in, righteously sad, painstakingly crafted piece of work. McBryde namechecks Townes Van Zandt on the very first song and then spends the rest of the album living up to his example. It shouldn’t have taken this long for us to hear her. –Tom

Bat Fangs

LOCATION: Carrboro, NC

Early this year, Ex Hex bassist Betsy Wright and Flesh Wounds drummer Laura King released their debut album as Bat Fangs. It fucking rocks, full stop. Their songs are simply constructed by design but pack a huge punch. They put a fresh spin on old rock ‘n’ roll clichés, turning them on their head and reminding you why those clichés endured in the first place. Bat Fangs relishes in excess, with slick riffs and a charismatically goofy sense of fun that still manages to get to the heart of some pretty deep issues. –James

Black Belt Eagle Scout

LOCATION: Portland, OR

Black Belt Eagle Scout is the moniker of Katherine Paul, a queer indigenous artist who grew up on a reservation near the Puget Sound. Her music is a direct reflection of her upbringing, and she describes the songwriting process as a kind of therapy. There’s a universality to Paul’s soul-searching, a yearning that transcends the boundaries between people and speaks to the human condition in general. Single “Just Lie Down” starts with distorted feedback that could soundtrack a migraine or the worst day of your life. It eventually quells as Paul beckons in a revelation. “It’s all in your head/ It’s all in your head,” she sings. –Gabriela Tully Claymore

Black Dresses

LOCATION: Toronto, ON

Black Dresses is the collaborative effort of the artists known as Dei Genetrix (formerly Girls Rituals) and Rook, and we named their debut album WASTEISOLATION one of the best albums of 2018 so far. Not long after that, Black Dresses put out the HELL IS REAL EP. The duo’s noisy dark-pop is as ferocious as it is fun, even when they’re singing about traumatic experiences. Catharsis is this band’s driving force; if you don’t have anything to scream about, they’ll give you something to scream about. –Gabriela

BlocBoy JB

CREDIT: Shareif Ziyadat/Getty Images

LOCATION: Memphis, TN

2018 has been a big year for viral dance crazes, and leading the charge was BlocBoy JB. With a practiced kick-and-pump motion, the Memphis rapper set off a chain reaction that would eventually lead to children and video game characters performing his signature move. BlocBoy debuted the “Shoot” dance last year, but the move, and the man behind it, gained wider recognition when they came attached to a Drake feature. “Look Alive” underscored and amplified BlocBoy’s effortless flow, his words hitting with the same ease and intensity as his jerky gyrations. That unique charisma runs through his Simi mixtape. Energetic production mimics his lighthearted wit, each punchline matched with its sonic equivalent. In the same way that Drake labors to keep up with BlocBoy’s moves in the “Look Alive” video, the rest of Simi’s featured artists can’t help but adhere to BlocBoy’s style and pace. –Julia Gray

Booji Boys

LOCATION: Halifax, NS

Think of how hard it must be to work up a sweat in a place as cold and remote as Halifax, Nova Scotia. And then listen to the way the music of Halifax punks Booji Boys positively drips with sweat. Booji Boys are named for a Devo reference, but they offer messy catharsis instead of twitchy and precise theory. The band has been releasing music since 2016, but they really picked up steam with Weekend Rocker, a beery rush of an album full of muddy guitar tones and adrenalized hooks. In a place like Halifax, you have to make your own fun. Booji Boys have clearly made plenty of it. –Tom

Bristletongue

LOCATION: Lake County, IL

It takes a lot to make a big impression with just four tracks, but Bristletongue do just that on their debut EP. Femme Florale is a towering quartet, each song epic in its own right. The band locks into a painterly blend of post-rock and emo that’s elevated by L Morgan’s capacious voice. Their narratives deal with a lack of self-worth, told through repeated imagery of flowers dying and blooming once again. “Must I be wanted to be worth anything?” they ask on standout “Daisy Chain.” Bristletongue’s music sounds like the cycle of life playing out in your ears, capturing the intense sadness and unimaginable beauty contained within. –James

Camila Cabello

LOCATION: Miami, FL

Camila Cabello put out one of the catchiest and most memorable Top 40 pop songs in recent memory. All you have to do is sing, “Havana, ooh na-na,” and whoever’s in your vicinity will respond, “Half of my heart is is Havana ooh na-na.” That song is inescapable, the single that made Cabello’s departure from Fifth Harmony suddenly seem like an excellent career move, and her debut solo album Camila is chock-full of hooks. Opener “Never Be The Same,” with its chorus delivered like a bird song, rolls out the red carpet for Cabello to sashay her way down. –Gabriela

Caroline Says

LOCATION: Austin, TX

Caroline Sallee’s whisper takes many forms across No Fool Like An Old Fool, her sophomore album as Caroline Says. Layered atop a smoky bossa nova beat, it conjures the alluring hum of a lounge singer. It sways with a jangly guitar, breathing new perspective into familiar indie rock. Submerged in padded synth, it sounds weathered and knowing. The LP finds Sallee reflecting on her Alabama hometown, where she recorded her first album. Her whisper, now deliberate and adventurous, is guided by an acknowledgment of decay. She likens the arid setting to her aging body: “I used to love this town…I was born and will be buried.” Time passes and she remains an “Old Fool,” but wise in understanding her naiveté. –Julia

Closer

LOCATION: New York, NY

Two-thirds of Closer play in the indie-rock supergroup Real Life Buildings. Now forget that. Closer don’t sound anything like Real Life Buildings, and they don’t sound like indie-rockers dabblers trying their hand at post-hardcore either. They sound like the genuine article — raw, passionate, and urgent, building from twinklingly pretty atmospheric post-rock valleys to headrush screamo-assault peaks. And at the center of all of it is singer-artist-poet Ryann Slauson and their drum kit and throat-shredding roar, bashing feelings straight into your skull. –Peter

Control Top

LOCATION: Philadelphia, PA

Philly punks Control Top released an EP of purposeful, tough garage-pop in 2016. But it wasn’t until the 2018 single “Type A” that they really found their voice. The Control Top of “Type A” have a new lineup and a new sound, and the result is two and a half minutes of the most feverish and cathartic music we’ve heard all year. It’s a motorik grind, the bass and drums locking into a fast and tense lockstep while jittery and molten riffage erupts from the guitar and frontwoman Ali Carter talks her shit: “Your false authority is dreadfully boring to me.” The band’s debut album can’t come soon enough. –Tom

Ella Mai

LOCATION: London, England

“Boo’d Up” was everything you could want in a hit single, a plush, sleek ’90s throwback swooning with the intoxicating power of new love. Thanks to “Boo’d Up,” Ella Mai became a star almost overnight, and with her self-titled debut album, she’s surrounded it with a whole constellation of sexy, retro R&B executive produced with a steady hand by Mustard. If nothing quite matches the sheer wattage of “Boo’d Up” or its winning follow-up single “Trip,” it’s still a pleasure to sink into the sumptuous atmosphere and the fluid power of her voice. –Peter

Empath

LOCATION: Philadelphia, PA

The very foundation of Empath is enough to guarantee some buzz. Formed by members of All Dogs and Perfect Pussy, the band of schooled DIY punks quietly released their two-song debut CRYSTAL REALITY way back in 2016, but it wasn’t until this year that they were able to commit to the project more seriously. Their breakthrough tape, Liberating Guilt And Fear, channels the pop punk and hardcore that fueled their previous projects, but there’s a candy-colored sheen to these songs that glimmers beneath scuzzy production. It’s a promising start for a band predestined to turn heads. –Gabriela

Gia Margaret

LOCATION: Chicago, IL

Gia Margaret’s debut album is called There’s Always Glimmer, and that’s as apt a description of her music as any. Her whispered lullabies waft in like a cool mist through an open window, swirls of synth, piano, and guitar twinkling as they catch the moonlight and receding back into the night. Even when she sings of aching sadness, she does it with the kind of hushed, intimate beauty that sounds like a soft glow in the darkness. There’s always glimmer. –Peter

Haley Heynderickx

CREDIT: Alessandra Leimer

LOCATION: Portland, OR

An album is like a garden in a way: all these little creations grown from seed, carefully tended until they bloom together into a collective whole more beautiful than the sum of its parts. I Need To Start A Garden, Haley Heynderickx’s debut LP, is the sound of such cultivation paying off. Her folk-rock songs sneak up on you with sudden bursts of beauty or intensity, never more so than when she finds herself wailing the album title in a frantic fit of catharsis on “Oom Sha La La.” It’s a rare moment of lost composure from one of this year’s most assured new singer-songwriters. –Chris DeVille

Haru Nemuri

LOCATION: Tokyo, Japan

Haru Nemuri doesn’t make pop music, but she’s doesn’t not make pop music either. The Japanese artist mixes elements from J-pop, rap, post-hardcore, noise, and electronica and sets the genre concoction on fire. Its flames just happen to be extremely catchy. Her full-length debut, which came out earlier this year, is packed with sonic ideas that each evolve in three minutes or less. Maybe it’s this brevity — the immediate payoff — that makes her music so rewarding. Blazing guitars and crisp drums race to the finish line, tense arrangements linger just long enough. Nemuri is carving something completely new out of recycled pieces. She’s also making a very strong case for short songs. –Julia

Hatchie

LOCATION: Brisbane, Australia

Dream-pop can be such a slippery slope. Over the years, how many bands have come and gone who could create enveloping atmospheres but didn’t have the songwriting to guarantee the kind of dream you remember when you wake up? Sugar & Spice — Harriette Pillbeam’s debut EP as Hatchie — avoids that fate because it has songs. Occasionally leaning harder on the pop half of the dream-pop equation, Hatchie arrived armed with hook after hook. In “Sure,” the verse and chorus and refrain are in open war for which part can be the catchiest, while “Sleep” boasts a synth riff that is incredibly, giddily addictive. Sugar & Spice is essentially a perfect EP. It’s exhilarating to imagine what Pillbeam will be able to pull off next. –Ryan Leas

House Of Feelings

LOCATION: New York, NY

Before House Of Feelings was the name of a musical project, it was the name of a party. It sounds like one, too. Matty Fasano would invite his friends to come DJ, dance, and escape their workaday lives for a few hours, and he, Joe Fassler, and Dale Eisinger apply the same liberating everyone-is-welcome ethos to their music, bringing in guests from the indie scene to bare their hearts over an infectious disco-house thump. But even as they tackle the anxieties and insecurities of modern life, they invite you to lose yourself to the beat — because in this house of feelings, the biggest room is euphoria. –Peter

Illuminati Hotties

LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA

Sarah Tudzin is the full package: a gifted producer, songwriter, singer, lyricist, melodicist, and instrumentalist whose album Kiss Yr Frenemies is one of the best debuts in recent memory. Under the name Illuminati Hotties, the LA musician cranks out charming indie-rock tracks that represent the full scope of her personality. Some, like “For Cheez (My Friend, Not The Food),” are touching. Others, like “Pressed 2 Death” and “Shape Of My Hands,” are hilariously scathing. The lot of them are clever, winsome, and richly conceived. Tudzin’s fan base is small and fervent at the moment — a secret society, you might call it — but if there’s any justice in the music industry, she’ll be a star someday. –Chris

JPEGMAFIA

LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA / Baltimore, MD

Veteran is hardly JPEGMAFIA’s first release, but it is his first one that sounds fully-formed. After a couple years kicking around the Baltimore rap scene, Barrington Hendricks moved out to Los Angeles around the time Veteran was released, but the project spends its whole runtime looking backward, synthesizing everything he’s worked on up ’til this point. It’s an intoxicating, glitchy, often abrasive mix of textural ingenuity. The album’s title has a double meaning, both in that Hendricks got his start in music while serving abroad in Japan and that, in 2018, he’s fucking tired and over all this shit. Veteran paints a portrait of someone that’s above it, told through hazy sporadic beats and samples and a scatter-brained energy that only adds to its appeal. –James

Lala Lala

LOCATION: Chicago, IL

Lillie West picked the perfect band name. There’s a sing-song quality to the music she makes as Lala Lala, an intentional silliness that belies the distress beneath. On her new album, The Lamb, Lala Lala processes a fear of losing control, inspired in part by newfound sobriety and a home invasion that left her deeply paranoid. Some of West’s fears manifested in songs about the apocalypse (“When You Die”) while others nestled into lyrics about inner balances gone awry (“Destroyer”). Lala Lala’s strength lies in West’s voice and the glitchy melodies she writes make what could just be another indie rock project sound fresh and exciting. –Gabriela

Long Neck

LOCATION: Jersey City, NJ

When Lily Mastrodimos put out her first music as Long Neck back in 2014, she was coming from a place of interior solitude, a respite from the louder music she made with her then-band Jawbreaker Reunion. But on Will This Do?, the project’s full-length full-band debut, she’s looking outward for answers — from the cosmos, from her ancestry and hometown, from her friends and potential partners. On the explosive “Mine/Yours,” she explores the dichotomy of the title with her remarkable voice and a rollicking forward momentum. Will This Do? is an album about learning to make space for yourself, unmatchable in both its earnestness and ferocity. –James

Many Rooms

LOCATION: Houston, TX

Many Rooms’ debut album is called There Is A Presence Here, and it sure sounds that way. It’s a spectral and skeletal singer-songwriter record, Julien Baker’s barebones post-rock balladry haunted by Grouper’s eerie ambience. Brianna Hunt’s songs seem to materialize out of nothing and hover gracefully over barren wastelands, like God leading the Israelites as a pillar of fire. Sometimes they sound like demos captured in a closet, weighed down by heavy burdens. But mostly they feel like supernatural events — mirages where spiritual turmoil plays out in the space between this world and one unseen. –Chris

Retirement Party

LOCATION: Chicago, IL

Retirement Party are just getting started. The Chicago trio play bright, energetic, relentlessly hooky pop-punk, but their debut album Somewhat Literate is as much a product of frontwoman Avery Springer’s restless mind as anything. Her hyper-analytical gaze focuses inwards, on her own anxiety and depression and self-doubt, but even at its darkest, her navel-gazing never sounds anything but fun. “Sometimes I think that I can do anything,” Springer sings at one point. “But then I sit down and I qualitatively analyze my acute sense of awareness for my environmental surroundings.” And sometimes, she does it over some breathless shredding. –Peter

Rico Nasty

LOCATION: Prince George’s County, MD

When Rico Nasty is playing, there are no bystanders: You are her, you fear her, or you worship her. Depending on your mood and general disposition, you could very well be “the bitch with the long hair and her top off” like Rico. On a bad day, you might be the “bitch bleedin’ out” while Rico “still got the speakers loud.” The SoundCloud-bred rapper doesn’t deal in subtlety. Rico recently released her major-label debut, Nasty, after years of sharing mixtapes with her growing audience. The new one is one giant flex — a wicked storm of lo-fi beats, goth and emo flavor, and immutable personality. Whether Rico’s sing-rapping or snarling into the void, her power is awe-inspiring. –Julia

Shannen Moser

LOCATION: Philadelphia, PA

If you’re from Pennsylvania, the state’s landscape can seem nondescript. While Shannen Moser might be based in Philadelphia now, she hails from nearby Berks County, more of a small-town rural area. And on her excellent sophomore effort I’ll Sing, she has fleshed out her folk-indebted songwriting in a way that perfectly conjures the feeling of long, rambling drives through her home state. I’ll Sing is plenty aware of the traditions from which it draws, and Moser’s songwriting is so sharp that all the dusty guitars and winsome melodies make a convincing argument that she should soon be inducted into a long lineage of American songwriters born from endless wandering through this nation’s highways and countrysides. –Ryan

Sidney Gish

LOCATION: Boston, MA

Sidney Gish’s second proper album, No Dogs Allowed, is a collection of everyday objects, simple melodies, musings, and memories. The Boston singer-songwriter imbues items and ideas with confession and insight. She keeps a food diary to retain some modicum of control over her life, draws a line from sine triangles and biblical sin to “two-faced bitches,” mispronounces words as a power move, and tunes her guitar to echo each sentiment. The bittersweet confusion of early adulthood plays out in the harmonious tension between her sarcastic realism and tender twee. “Upon realizing I don’t know anything, there’s a lazy sense of glee,” Gish sighs, adopting the perspective of a city rat. Elsewhere, she sings alongside a campy keyboard, “We’re gonna go to a show and then come home and probably die.” Throughout the album, Gish acknowledges that lingering fear of death and foolishness with spirit and wit. –Julia

Sir Babygirl

LOCATION: Brooklyn, NY / Hanover, NH

A couple months ago, Sir Babygirl seemed to appear out of nowhere with the single “Heels.” As an introduction to Kelsie Hogue the songwriter, you couldn’t ask for a more effective or attention-grabbing track. “Heels” was a roiling, cathartic pop song that defied easy categorization, and much of her forthcoming debut Crush On Me follows suit. Sir Babygirl, as a project, is overflowing with ideas and influences, colliding into an idiosyncratic, colorful, and often overwhelming sound. You never quite know where Hogue is going to go next, and that’s part of what makes her great: This is the sound of someone emerging, shaking loose old hang-ups and anchors, to seize life and make art that reflects it in all its messiness. –Ryan

SOB x RBE

LOCATION: Vallejo, CA

This time next year, Vallejo quartet SOB x RBE might not still be rapping together. Signs of internal turmoil are spilling over into the public, and solo careers beckon. If so, the dynamic runs directly contrary to the celebratory spirit that courses through their music. At a time when zonked-out, robotic trap music has gone from an innovation to a cliché, the group’s pair of Gangin albums represent some of the most vibrant and inviting hip-hop on the market. In the grand Bay Area tradition, they’ve got bounce, they’ve got swagger, and they’re a hell of a lot of fun. –Chris

Sorry

LOCATION: London, England

The breadth of influences Sorry displays is impressive, especially for such a young group. Normally a band emerges with a signature sound and branches out from there, but the UK four-piece have made it a point not to be pigeonholed. So far, their discography consists of a string of increasingly sturdy singles and two rock mixtapes that are an intoxicating blend of breathy vocals and hazy thoughts, rendered in sharp pop hooks. The band’s two dynamic poles are childhood friends Asha Lorenz and Louis O’Bryen, and the project leaves enough space for them to shine as songwriters in their own right. Whenever the band manages to cook up a proper debut album, it’s sure to be a knockout, and until then they’ve left a beguiling collection of songs in the meantime. –James

The Beths

LOCATION: Auckland, New Zealand

Wheels don’t always need to be reinvented. The Beths, from Auckland, aren’t doing anything new. Instead, they’re operating within grand continuums — of New Zealand indie romantics, of ‘90s-besotted power-poppers, of hook-happy slackers with fuzz pedals and big hearts. The members of the Beths all studied jazz in college, and yet they play with all the giddy gusto of a group of teenagers who just heard the Blue Album for the first time. The songs on Future Me Hates Me, their instantly lovable debut album, all shoot straight for the pleasure centers of anyone who has ever enjoyed, say, a Lemonheads record. It’s an old sound, and yet it’s a sound that never gets old. –Tom

Thyla

LOCATION: Brighton, England

There have been other bands like Thyla, groups looking to decades past and mining the impressionistic soundscapes of shoegaze. But it’s hard to remember another band that’s attained the peculiar, almost-paradoxical balance Thyla has: the anxious forward momentum of post-punk and the brooding and heaviness of grunge underpinning the melancholic-then-transcendent parabolas of prime dream-pop. And perhaps more importantly: Those other bands didn’t have Millie Duthie. As far back as Thyla’s early, powerhouse singles like “Pristine Dream” and “Tell Each Other Lies,” Duthie immediately proved herself a force to be reckoned with, a singer capable of sounding like a hurricane even amidst all the layers and intensity of Thyla’s music. With their debut EP on the way, Thyla are still changing and exploring. But with Duthie’s voice guiding the way, chances are whatever they discover will be fruitful. –Ryan

Tomberlin

LOCATION: Louisville, KY

Despite Sarah Beth Tomberlin’s devout Christian upbringing, the Louisville-based singer-songwriter never liked going to church. She no longer identifies as Christian, and instead practices a sort of self-communion, writing and recording music as Tomberlin. Her debut album, At Weddings, is made up of 10 personal ceremonies, quiet hymns of introspection. Gentle fingerpicking and reverb-laden electric keys conjure a holy presence as Tomberlin meditates on relationship patterns, self-worth, loneliness, faith, and growth. Each concern carries the same weight and godliness in her “church.” –Julia

Ultra Beauty

LOCATION: Washington, DC

There’s not much good in the highest reaches of our nation’s capital these days, but it’s never faltered as a hotbed of great music. Ultra Beauty count themselves among the same scene that, in recent years, has birthed Priests and Flasher and many more acts that espouse radical politics in songs that go down smooth. The trio’s self-titled debut EP is an airtight collection of wiry and shimmering tracks that manages a string of delightful surprises, melodies and little touches that sneak up on you but make perfect sense once they’ve settled in. –James

Valee

LOCATION: Chicago, IL

GOOD Job, You Found Me, Valee’s debut EP for Kanye’s West’s record label, goes a long way toward explaining the Chicago rapper’s appeal: that delicate, meticulous “old-timey tiptoeing burglar” delivery that makes even boilerplate rhymes sound good and renders him a genius when setting an evocative scene like so: “Walked in Shell, flamed up a L/ Bumpy Margiels, feel like braille/ Dirty ass ginger ale, came through the mail/ I fucked your girl, in the hotel.” But summer smash “Womp Womp,” on which R&B stud Jeremih imitates Valee’s flow, most clearly encapsulated his glory. Lots of rappers claim to be God, but few approach the beat with such a still, small voice. –Chris

Vein

LOCATION: Boston, MA

There’s no easy way to say this: Vein are a nu-metal band. What’s more, they’re a supremely dope nu-metal band making the genre sound vital in the year of our lord 2018. There are traces of early Deftones and Incubus in the Boston band’s recent Errorzone, but also far less critically rehabilitated sludge monsters like Mudvayne and Static-X. It’s brutal, ballistic, hellishly discordant cyborg rock in which even the dreamy reprieves are rapidly swallowed up by nightmares. If every trend must recirculate two decades later, Vein represent close to a best-case scenario for reliving this much-maligned moment in rock history. They might remind you why some long-discarded version of yourself used to love this stuff. –Chris

Westerman

LOCATION: London, England

Westerman didn’t know if he was going to keep releasing music. After two EPs and a split with management, he was a bit defeated. Then “Confirmation” arrived, a revelation for him and us alike. Songs like “Confirmation” don’t come along too often — instantly alluring, infectious yet still enigmatic even after dozens of listens. It felt as if Westerman had suddenly located some kind of alchemy, fusing his plaintive folk roots with slick urbane textures and giving us a song that unveiled new subtleties listen after listen. That’s a hard thing to follow up, but recent singles like “Edison” and “Albatross” further fleshed out Westerman’s new world and, well, confirmed that we may be watching the birth of one of this generation’s most unique and captivating songwriters. –Ryan

YBN Crew

LOCATION: Birmingham, AL / Galveston, TX / Suitland, MD

In the past, rap crews have all been geographically focused: All the best rappers within a certain neighborhood, or within a certain circle of friends, all getting together to do their own local sound better than anyone else can do it. But the three core rappers in the YBN Crew come from Alabama, Texas, and Maryland. They didn’t grow up together. Instead, they met up while playing Grand Theft Auto online and freestyling into their headsets. And yet they still give off that conquer-the-world vibe — young guys doing their best to impress each other and somehow catching a zeitgeist-wave. Their debut full-length YBN: The Mixtape is all unrealized potential, weighed down with repetitive beats and unfortunate guest spots. But all three rappers, especially YBN Cordae, are almost frighteningly talented. And when they truly find their voices, look out. –Tom

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