#really hope this won't somehow make it resurface

[sanguineterrain]

I think I saw you're on s1 of criminal minds soooo baby sweetheart Spencer 🥰 (u are in for a ride with his plotlines!) If ur writing requests maybe reader and Spencer going on a date? And maybe they're both kinda shy 🤭

short one! hope u like 🩷 gn!reader. first date w/ spencer. he's so baby sweetheart 💕

****

"Was this a bad choice?" Spencer whispers in your ear, barely audible.

You turn away from a Pissarro, eyebrows lifting in surprise. "The painting?"

"No, uh—" Spencer casts a sidelong glance at the painting. "I don't think I'd have the authority to criticize even if I did mean the painting. Besides, Pizzarro's work is beautiful."

You're beautiful, you want to say.

Somehow, you're still nervous around Spencer. Maybe it's normal considering this is your first date. You'd hoped to have gotten over it by now.

He's just so... unreal.

"I think if anyone had the authority, it'd be you. French artists must've popped up at some point during your research."

"More than you'd expect, actually. We had a case a while back where the killer used blood and turpentine to—" Spencer stops, shakes his head. "No. Sorry. That's not appropriate date talk."

You laugh. "I don't mind, Spencer. I know you work for the FBI. It's interesting to hear you talk."

He frowns, that adorable crease in the middle of his forehead resurfacing. You want to kiss it.

"No, I meant coming here," he says. "Was it a mistake? I did some research before I asked you out, and they said that it's important to get to know the person on the first date by talking. But we haven't been talking. But then I know you enjoy museums. And you like silence sometimes because being outside can be overwhelming. So that's why I chose here. Not because I don't want to talk to you. I do, I just—"

"I'm sorry to interrupt," you say. "But that's probably the most considerate decision anyone's ever made for me."

"Oh." Spencer tilts his head. "I mean, I don't know how else to go about it."

You know. That's why you like him so much. That's why you're so nervous.

"Do you want to talk?" you ask. "We can go to the cafe and talk."

Spencer sighs. "I don't know. There's a lot of rules to dating, according to the Internet. And Morgan."

"I like looking at paintings with you, even if we don't talk. I'd like doing pretty much anything with you, Spencer."

He ducks his head, scratches his neck. "Really?"

His shyness makes you shy. You bite the inside of your cheek. "Uh-huh."

"I'm overthinking this, aren't I? Hotch tells me that I think myself out of a good thing."

You shrug. "Well, you won't here. I overthink stuff too. It's okay."

Spencer nods and tucks a wayward strand of hair behind his ear. "So you're enjoying this?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I am."

And then, jerky and a little awkward, Spencer takes your hand. You hang there for a moment, fingers just barely linked. Then you adjust your grip so you're properly holding hands.

"If my hand gets sweaty, you can let go. I don't mind," Spencer says.

"My hands get sweaty too. I don't care."

He squeezss your hand. "Okay."

You return to the Pissarro. You'd may as well be looking at concrete, though. The only view you'd spend hours on is Spencer Reid.

[hyperpotamianarch]

Well, on to the second question! If you want my take on the first, here's a link to that particular reblog. Here, I want to talk about Judaism and dæmons.

Now, firstly: there's a common idea that for Jews, the settling will be the sign it's time for one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah, as seen in this post by @purronronner, and in the amzing fic Dæmorphing by @featherquillpen, AKA Poetry (sorry for tagging! I thought it might interest you). Note, Poetry added an interesting idea about a Psalm king David wrote when his dæmon settled, and I offered to write it - I am working on it, but will welcome help.

Regarding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah detail: from my knowledge of the Jewish Halacha and rules about coming of age, it actually might be more accurate than the set age. In the Mishnah, when talking about when someone becomes a legal adult in Judaism, the law depends not only on age but on signs of sexual maturity. While a dæmon settling isn't necessarily related, it is a comfortable visible sign of maturity and thus - I believe this might work.

It's hard to say what other Halachic implications might be for having a dæmon. There might be a special prohibition for touching another person's dæmon, because even though society seems content with a general taboo - Judaism enjoys codifying such things in laws. There might be rules regarding where dæmons are and aren't allowed to enter, though I doubt that - more likely there'll be rules on things that need to be done before they enter places. There may be alterations on various rules I can't currently think about, honestly. I must say, most of my thoughts relate to theological and philosophical matters - which I'll touch in a bit. But I'll be remiss if I won't try first addressing the halacha, as it's a large part of Judaism (IMO). One more thing - Poetry changed the Keri'ah tradition, of tearing a garment in mourning a dead relative, to be tearing some part of one's dæmon. I did comment on it possibly clashing with a Torah commandment against self harm, so that's a possible question.

Anyway, going on to the theology/philosophy matters. There is an issue with understanding the nature of dæmons. You see, we get some of the Magisterium's opinion on the matter, with Settling being related to Ancient Sin and all. We even got a portion of the Bible from Lyra's world that seems to support that. All that might make you think that Judaism will be on the same table as Christianity here - after all, it's from their shared canon.

Thing is, though, that Judaism is very good at having many varied opinions on matters, in addition to high proficiency in disagreeing with Christianity. So I daresay it's certainly possible for it to mean something else. I do have some thoughts on the matter, but this being kind of long already - I'll try to make it short:

a. In thinking of a Hebrew name for dæmons, I was aided (indirectly) by the excellent translation by Yal Sela-Shapiro of the Golden Compass, who translated the Biblical verses in the end and offered the name Er'el as an Ancient Hebrew equivalent for dæmons. It's considered the name of a type of angel in Judaism, though it's not talked about much and appears in our Bible only once, and in vague meaning at that. My personal fan interpretation, that I think might appear in Lyra's world Midrash, is that it comes from the words "I shall appear to them" (as is likely the actual meaning of the word when it appears in our Bible). Basically, G-d appears to humans through their dæmons, though I'm not sure what may be the concequences of that take.

b. In the Chabad school of thought, specifically in things from the book Tania, it is very easy to see dæmons as physical manifestation of a person's "animal soul". This is one's drive to worldly pleasures - which would fit perfectly with the general worldview seen in HDM. It is considered to be something of an evil inclination in a person, but it's actually made of both good and evil and is likened in that to the Tree of Knowledge (of) Good and Evil. It's also said to have its roots in ḥaiot hakodesh, the Holy Animals of G-d's chariot, which fits with my point in the previous point. The greatest part is, in the comics adaptation of the Tania (yeah, it exists), we get to see a person's animal soul - which can be seen as essentially a book about a kid and his dæmon, with him occasionally seeing other people's dæmons.

c. Regarding settled forms, there's likely going to be some preference for Kosher animals. People with pig dæmons might suffer ostracization, sadly. Forms such as vultures and lions, and perhaps donkeys and dogs as well as snakes, might receive a different sort of significance even though their not Kosher. My personal headcanon as of late is that Moses' dæmon was a donkey, and I do have reasoning (even though it plays into an old antisemitic trope regardin Onolatry). King David's dæmon might be either a lion(ess) or a sheep. King Saul may have had a wolf dæmon. In the Jewish system of symbology, while being a Kosher animal is certainly good - there are still non-Kosher animals that also have good connotations. Pigs are still going to be problematic.

So, what are your thoughts? What halachic questions regarding dæmons do you have in mind, and what do you think the answer might be? What different but still legitimate view on dæmons you think might exist in Judaism? And what meanings might different settled forms have?

All right. So, first: if you are either Jewish, like His Dark Materials, or both, please reblog. If you aren't any of those but know someone who is - please share it with them. I want to get as many thoughts on this as possible.

In essence, I just want to ask two simple questions. I have the beginnings of answers for myself, but Judaism is nothing if not full of discourse and many opinions on one topic. So, again: reblog. Share your thoughts and opinions. Hopefully, it will give us a wide variety of possibilities and answers.

The two questions are: where are Jews in Lyra's world? And what are the theological and Halachic concequences of having dæmons?

I intend to share my opinions in two separate reblogs, but please share your thoughts even if you don't see mine. The short version is that I looked about events in Jewish history around John Calvin's time for the first question (pope John Calvin being the major alternation of history in HDM). As for the second question - I have some thoughts relating to the Chabad thought stream. Elaborations, again, going in reblogs.

Thank you in advance!

(PS, question number 1 was handled once by the sadly deactivvated user the Tea Detective, though their full post disappeared. Link to a reblogging of the first half: here. Note, another reblog mentions other religions - feel free to discuss them, I'm focusing on Judaism because I'm Jewish. Another post asking this question was posted here, so have fun with it. Meanwhile, this post is about dæmons and religions in general and lightly touches Judaism.)

[alltheboysandgirlsiloved]

ngl at first I thought that season 3 of jwct was going to be the last one but the more I think about it the more inclined I am to believe that maybe we are going to get more seasons?

*bone cracking sound* let's get into it, shall we?

A couple of things that jwct has to cover before the end:

Biosyn facility in Italy

Raptor Handler and Soyona meeting

Red the Atrociraptor reuniting (?) with the rest of Atrociraptors

Brooklynn (eventually) turning her back on Santos

Brooklynn reuniting with Camp Fam for real

Potentially (very high possibility) Malta

Bumpy's baby hatching (+ eventually, Bumpy and baby Bump reunion)

Tension between Sammy and her family explained

Ben's girlfriend reveal

Resolution of the tension between Kenji-Brooklynn-Darius

So this is how I see this playing out. (Head-ups - this is a result of my research but, let's be honest, also kind of a manifestation of my hopes and very much just a fan-theory. So take it easy)

If Brooklynn and Santos are really to reach Biosyn's center in Italy, I doubt it's going to be "in-and-out" type of visit. In Dominion Santos is entrusted with organizing a "transport" for Maise Lockwood; now let's remember that in the past Brooklynn researched the Lockwood mansion, I wouldn't be surprised if that came up at least briefly (perhaps, to even further ensure Soyona's trust, Brooklynn will offer some advice while simultaneously working on how to save the girl). Then, we have the matter of transported eggs – I'm sure that Brooklynn's gonna be very interested in where they are going etc etc. It's all going to take an appropriate amount of time. At the same time, the campers need time to actually reach Italy too, then potentially get to the facility (I think this is where Ben's conspiracy theory-induced knowledge may resurface – in season 1 it is confirmed that he has heard the theory about the mysterious locust).

We know that the Handler and Soyona absolutely have to meet (because both of them are hot). The Handler has three antrociraptors, Soyona only has Red. In Dominion (which takes place a little after current events of jwct) Soyona has all four antrociraptors at her disposal. Now, knowing about the bond between antrociraptors and the Hanlder, to me it kind of implies that eventually the Handler is completely separated from the raptors, and their bond is severed (does she die? does she lose her whistle and the raptors turn against her? I wouldn't put it past the showrunners to kill her tbh. Since her bond with the antrociraptors seems to be something more than just a whistle thing (as opposed to the clicking effect dr Sarr had on the Baryonyx)). I think that Soyona will call for the Handler when she realizes that the rest of Camp Fam are on their tail. Again - that takes time. The Handler has to get to Italy, find the Camp Fam, some sort of fight has to occur, she "loses" (somehow), Soyona gets pissed... All of that takes time.

Then, eventually, at some point, Brooklynn decides that she has gathered enough material to turn her back on Soyona and run away. I doubt it's going to be easy. I don't know if it's going to be a decision she makes on her own, or if it's going to be motivated by the Camp Fam being in danger. Either way, I doubt it's going to happen prior to the fouth/fifth episode.

So after Brooklynn "parts ways" with Soyona, she has to reunite with Camp Fam, and we know that it won't be easy. I think that some of the campers will warm up to her sooner (probably Ben for obvious reasons, Sammy and Darius), others later (Kenji will probably be the last one). I suspect that it may require some sort of "grand gesture" on Brooklynn's side. At first, I thought that maybe I'd be egg-related but I honestly doubt it? I think that she will meet Bumpy's baby post-hatching but that's a shoot in the dark tbh.

My personal theory is that Sammy's parents got somehow involved with Biosyn and Sammy didn't like that and that's what caused their parting. Since Sammy's family owns a ranch, they know a lot about, well, farming and what is the locust attacking? Ranches. So I assume that Biosyn has some sort of "informants". Maybe Sammy instantly figured out that something about Biosyn is off? Who knows. Either way, we need to learn what exactly is the reason behind the crisis within Gutierrez family and resolve it. And the way Sammy phrased that and kind of tip-toes around the topic, I think it will be somehow related to the plot + resolving it is going to take some time.

Then, I think it's safe to assume that eventually, we will end up in Malta since this is also where the events of JW Dominion take place. Remember how jwcc season 3 ended? We got an extra perspective on the events in JW movie - a perspective of campers. I think that with jwct, the showrunners may do a very similar thing (let's remember that JW is a franchise therefore, at least in theory, everything is somehow connected; such perspective would make a nice bridge between the series and the movies).

Now, this is where my own theory kicks in for real. If we look at jwcc and jwct in general, Soyona shapes to be the only villain that the Camp Fam won't ultimately defeat. Or... will they? Both Tiff and Mitch, Kash and even Daniel end up "losing" because of the Camp Fam (either directly or indirectly). Now, I haven't watched Dominion in a while but if I remember correctly the last scene with Soyona shows her as she's about to be arrested. This got me thinking... what if she somehow manages to escape? As far as we know, Soyona seems like the kind of person who always has a backup plan. Remember that she also has connections within DPW (now disbanded ofc) - she knows a lot of people, and a lot of people work for her. All of this is a theory but I wouldn't be surprised if, before the events of Dominion, she didn't have some sort of backup plan; for example Jensen from DPW who's ready to "react if things go south". So Soyona attempts to escape, and she escapes to the States (remember that eventually, the Camp Fam has to get there somehow lol). Who chases after her? The campers obviously because now it's more than just dinosaurs, now it's personal too – fueled by Brooklynn's hatred for Soyona, fueled by the need to see her "locked up" for good. I wouldn't be surprised if the creators of the show decided that it would be more fitting if Soyona was "captured" and brought to justice by the Camp Fam seeing as, ultimately, she plays "bigger villain" in jwct than in Dominion. So depending if the creators decide to do something like that or not - that could potentially be what season 4 would focus on - the final and ultimate defeat of Soyona Santos.

However. If they decide to end Santos plotline at where it ends in Dominion, there's still plenty to explore in a potential season 4. I wouldn't be surprised if Camp Fam ended up in the Biosyn's center again - for example, to recover the rest of eggs/make sure that they are safe, or (knowing Darius) to ensure that the dinosaurs will be safe there. [Ben's gf enters the chat] I strongly suspect that Ben's girlfriend (if she's real) has some sort of connection with Biosyn (the chance of these two meeting through Dark Jurassic is pretty high after all), depending on who she is, there could be a whole new plotline related to the character - making her "someone more" than just a person whose role boils down to being a mysterious girlfriend. If she works for Biosyn (spies?), I wouldn't be surprised if there was some extra secret hidden by this company. It's like... call me crazy, but I think that a huge company like that has a lot of connections. I wouldn't be surprised if it somehow led us back to (thankfully, now deceased) Daniel Kon - after all we know that he was secretly planning to rebuild his company, and still had a lot of money. So this is where I see a potential for another season of mysteries and events. (I also have a tiny theory on the side that Ben's "girlfriend" is actually, a guy aka Ramsay Cole - a head of communications in Biosyn; it would make sense for him to be on Dark Jurassic, knowing this character's plotline in Dominion; his age is not revealed but my guess is that he is around 25 years old. Also, one of the producers of jwct mentioned in an interview that he'd love to bring more characters from Dominion to jwct so... there you go. Idk just a theory, but it lines up. Especially with Ben being half-firm, half-awkward when talking about his partner yk).

I think there are honestly so many ways this show can be developed and... for good reasons too. Not just good reasons plot-wise but also because, well, let's be real jwcc/jwct is extremely popular. And the creators are aware of it. It's safe to assume that initially the show (jwcc) was supposed to be three seasons long but, due to its popularity, they added 2 more seasons and then decided to make a whole spin-off series. And the spin-off too is very popular and generally praised not only by the target audience (kids) but also but "older" jurassic fans. Seeing as Jurassic is a franchise, therefore, something that is supposed to "keep going" (fuel itself), jwcc and jwct are a perfect way to also introduce younger generations to the entire world of jurassic, literally "raising" them to be fans of the series, and a great way to keep other fans entertained as they wait for the next installments of the movie series (after all, a brand new JW trilogy is in plans).

So yeah. I've been meaning to make a post about it for a while but I wanted to make it as detailed and as "canon-aligned" as possible so it took me a while. Honestly, in the end, this is mostly just the hopes and dreams of a devoted jwcc fan who has been suffering from camp fam-brainrot for the past 4 years!

If you read it that far - it's time to touch some grass. I recently started growing my own in a flowerpot and... well, it doesn't really help but it's the thought that matters! if you have any thoughts about the upcoming installment(s?) of jwct - I'd love to hear them. And remember to be nice, we are all just fans after all :D

[everythingne]

out of the woods (ls2) masterlist

logan sargeant x ferrari!ex!oc

After a short break during her time as a Ferrari reserve driver, loud-mouthed driver Dhanishka Dubey resurfaces when she moves up to f1 under Ferrari. She’s back to terrorize her ex, none other than Logan Sargeant when she conquers him once again this season, just like before, just like always.

But when faced with your first love, and your only love, it's hard to let those feelings past. Especially when a relationship was prematurely ended, especially when she's everything you aren't, especially when you never got over his love.

continuation/sister series of marketing ploy (you do NOT have to read marketing ploy to understand this fic however!)

nicoles notes: in my masterlist era <3 listen. i love dhanishka and logan. y'all sleep on them!!! not much else to say here but enjoy enjoy enjoy !!

chapter one:

Before the season begins, Max and Charles gather all the drivers for a big 'team dinner.' All night Dhanishka and Logan are sneaking glances, riling eachother up, and ignoring each others presence. Until Logan decides to try and mend things in a sort of passive way. And then unshared emotions take over.

chapter two:

With a home race that couldn't go better, Dhanishka feels the confidence to let loose. But, Bahrain's post race celebration brings up some confusing feelings Dhanishka definitely won't handle the best. Charles plays the disappointed older brother role very well, Daniel is a bit of an enabler as is Lando, who also wins a bet with McLaren. Also, the FIA makes a weird call.

chapter three:

Sky News writes some interesting articles, and the Davis brothers cause a bit of a problem via ignorance and blackmail. Charles and Dhanishka have their most uneventful talk and the FIA makes their decision. Another article is written, Logan overshares, and somehow Charles, Oscar, and Alex end up on damage control.

chapter four:

With the fake dating (or real dating?) ploy underway, Dhanishka and Logan meet up to discuss their boundaries and their plans. It ends a bit hotter than either one expected, both physically and emotionally. Logan calls home, Dhanishka meets Olivia, and Lando actually has good advice.

chapter five:

With clear favoritism boosting all of Ferrari's tactics, Dhanishka makes a difficult decision after a crash causes her to see the true colors of her team, social media starts to discuss her mistreatments, and Logan sweeps in to save the day.

chapter six:

Logan and Dhanishka finally have the necessary breakthrough, Olivia delivers some bad news that Dhanishka already has a backup plan for. Logan just has a really good time at the end.

chapter seven:

Logan tries to give the two of short break in Bali. Which does succeed, but then the Canadian GP tears down anything Dhanishka had left to stand on. Good thing she's got Logan, the Norris' and Charles, right?

chapter eight

Dhanishka makes a difficult decision, but after 76 days, finds its hard to stay away from both her boyfriend and the world that raised her. So, she decides to make the comeback no one was expecting--but hoping for.

side quests:

breaking point:

Dhanishka runs to BWT to find Logan, to kiss his wounds better and cup his face in her hands. What she finds is not her boyfriend, but a scared boy hardened by misplaced anger. Aka a look back to the breakup.

[myimaginarywonderland]

Maybe I am just so in love with the way this new era is set up but I genuinely don't get some criticism.

It is very obvious to me that Ms Flood is set up to be a bigger reveal next season. Like how the silence was already mentioned in S5 but only really became important in S6. There is clearly more to her they are building up to and being angry that it wasn't revealed feels a bit like missing out that set up.

Ruby making it snow and having a song in her heart? Obviously because she became important. The one thing she has always wanted to know for her whole live was who her mother was and probably all she could ever remember from that night and the taps she has so obviously watched multiple times was the snow and the Christmas Carol. A sort of live line if you will, a ray of hope in the search for her mother. A memory. The oldest song in the universe will always be the first to be remembered. So many songs, sounds we know because we have somehow unconsciously saved them to our memory even if we can't recall it. The oldest song in the universe is the first one to be remembered which for Ruby was the song that played during her being left at the church. The oldest song is a memory, a distant melody you recall without even knowing about it and that was clearly what Maestro was referring to.

Just like how Ruby's mom was important because of the mystery she posed and the question, Ruby's memories were important because they were the constant thing she had when trying to find her mom.

It snows because we, the Doctor and everyone else, has made Ruby important because of the mystery she is and therefore the one thing that is the most prominent and important will be her memory of that night which includes the snow.

So when she thinks about that night, when she , the girl who was made important by the most powerful God in the universe and probably like the TARDIS Ruby has some of that hanging onto her in some way seeing as she traveled with the Doctor, really is emotional, when she faces the dilemma of her family situation for her, of course it will snow. Because snow is important to her, because the memory of that night, the one question she never got an answer to will obviously resurface in those situations.

Ruby just like everyone else in the RTD era is an ordinary person who became extraordinary through the Doctor, through the impact she had on him, the thing she represented to him. She was a mystery, the most obvious one that the Doctor wanted to solve. She made herself important which in turn made her memories real because her story is real.

Ruby is the perfect example of how storytelling. You mention something, you meet some that is plagued by that one question and it becomes an obsession so big that when you finally get the answer it won't be satisfying because you have built it up so much in your head that nothing no matter how big would most likely ever compare and then when you actually reflect on it, it is brilliant.

Ruby's character is probably going to be one of my favourite merely because of how she was written.

[melded-galaxy]

Ultimis Richtofen: Throughout the years

Part 2 of 3: Shit Gets Wacky

Call of the dead: After the teleporter malfunctions, Richtofen and the gang get stuck in a pitch-black closet. Shenanigans ensue. While waiting for the team of unfortunate celebrities to retrieve what he needs, Richtofen sexually assaults Dempsey twice, gets everybody hammered to distract them from any pesky resurfacing traumatic memories, designates potty areas and schemes.

Not much to say about this one, err, Richtofen's extremely horny and making it everyone else's problem, I guess? There we go.

Shangri La: Somehow, Richtofen is hornier.

The doctor is attracted to the statue of himself the natives built. He's constantly hitting on Nikolai in the jungle and makes incredibly sus remarks about the spike trap and the water gaiser. Clearly, the sexual frustration is real.

Richtofen's childlike tendencies also get even more exaggerated in this map. 'Weee!! My shoes go squeaky squeaky!' '*gasps* Spectre! It almost sounds like doctor!' 'Ah the beer of the root! Aha, I said root...'

It's implied Edward's mother used to scold him for playing with toys meant for girls and for frequently masturbating. 'Mother said I shouldn't play with dolls... or myself, but I don't always do what mother likes.'

Furthermore, he becomes enraged when mentioning his upbringing. 'this reminds me of my childhood-STOP TALKING TO ME!!'

Richtofen is becoming a better marksman through much practice. 'Either their heads are getting bigger, or I'm getting better!' 'Sniping's an art of which I am a master!'

Curiously, Edward doesn't remember his time ruling the natives, only remarking that the temple seems familiar to him and that he likes the scenery. Element 115-induced memory loss strikes again.

Plotwise, Richtofen manages to get his hands on the focusing stone and is about to teleport to the moon, when Dempsey yet again fires a wonder weapon inside of the teleporter. This causes the machine to malfunction and the gang make an unplanned trip to the Pentagon. 

Classified: Classified is a bit of a confusing and abrupt entry, as it was added in bo4 to a story that took place all the way back in bo1, but a really interesting one.

Richtofen is quite a bit calmer here than in previous maps. His voice is also lower pitched for the most part. Out of universe, I think Nolan North said that he struggled to reach the same pitch as he had before, possibly because of both time passing and how used he got to voicing the much calmer Primis version of the character, but I'm not 100 percent sure. In universe, this is probably just because Ricky's tired and has less energy in this map, lol. He just got done fighting countless hordes in Shangri-la after all. Old man needs a nap.

He's starting to get impatient when it comes to fulfilling his plan to take over the MPD. 'One day, I won't HAVE to perform such menial tasks.' 'Are we on the moon yet?' 'Mock me all you want, one day soon I will be the one doing all the mocking!'

Dempsey hilariously mocks Richtofen's high-pitched voice in this map lol. 'What's wrong Richtofen? You scared? I thought I heard a little *Aaah!*'

When reviving Dempsey, Richtofen claims the man owes him a 'favour'. What that entails is (thankfully) never elaborated on. 'I hope you remember this, Dempsey. I shall want a favour in return.'

Edward alludes to Germany and Japan's alliance in WW2 when Takeo revives him. 'Ah I knew I could count on you, Axis old buddy old pal!'

Richtofen's getting better at hitting them headshots. 'I wasn't even trying! Hard.' 'I think that might be my tenth headshot of the day. Hooray!'

Samantha reveals to Edward that she's seen everything he will do if he manages to gain control of the MPD. She also warns him that they cannot use the aether, it will use them. 'Oh, SO brave, Teddy! You come all this way, just to possess the aether's powers! What was it you wanted? Oh ja, to find Agartha! As if it will somehow solve all your problems! How...childish. Do you want to know, Edward? What I've learned about this place? The aether is not for us. Not me. Not you. Not anyone. We do not use it. It uses us!' 'If you acquire this power, I know what you will do. I have seen everything. Do not worry, Teddy, I won't ruin the big surprise! It would make your sad little head explode! Besides, it doesn't matter because I won't let you take it!'

Hypocritically, he complains about Samantha's voice and screaming, despite, well... everything.

Classified's hidden logs reveal that after ww2 ended, Richtofen cut a deal with both the Americans and Russians to split Group 935's employees and research. Richtofen also revealed to both governments that Griffin Station was on the moon, which helped to ignite the space race. 

A personal log Richtofen recorded reveals he did this on October 10th 1945. The friendship between Richtofen and Doctor Schuster appeared to be waning, no doubt due to Richtofen's unhinged mental state. When Schuster protests about dividing Group 935's staff and resources amongst the Americans and Russians, Richtofen tells him that: 'Everything Group 935 stood for died the day Maxis made that infernal deal with the Reichstag. You und I both know this to be true. Listen to me und understand. Our technological development with 115 has the envy of the entire world! These agreements guarantee our work will continue in America und Russia, and that they will continue with our scientists at the helm! I am sorry... but for our work to live on, Group 935 must come to an end. Oh cheer up Doctor Schuster, I have asked that you go to the Americans, it'll be good for your... softer side.'

So, weirdly enough, Richtofen still hated the deal Maxis made with the Nazis, even long after he was corrupted by the apothicons. He's also still fond enough of Schuster to bother guaranteeing the man's safe well-being with the Americans rather than the Russians, as he would no doubt be treated better by them.

Later on in the same log, Schuster pleads with Richtofen to tell him the truth about why he's doing all of this and what he's planning. Edward only laughs and tells him that he will be 'well taken care of.'

On a passing note, I recommend checking out all of Classified's logs/phone messages/punch cards if you haven't already. They contain a ton of fascinating lore about pretty much the entire storyline. Seriously, go do it, it's great stuff.

Moon: Here we are, at the finale of Bo1's zombie storyline! As we all know, this is the map that Richtofen finally completes his grand scheme to take over the MPD and subsequently the world. He does this by swapping bodies with Samantha and then attempts to kill Sam and the rest of Ultimis 'But! Not before we continue the game'. Maxis also comes into play, via being absorbed into Griffin Station's computer systems, and succeeds in weakening Richtofen's connection to the aether by blowing the Earth up with missiles with help from Samantha, Dempsey, Takeo and Nikolai. As revealed much later on in the story, Samantha and Ultimis don't die, rather they eventually manage to teleport back to Area 51 where they are subsequently captured and experimented on by the Americans.

Richtofen's getting laughably bad at hiding secrets. It almost feels like he's mocking the rest of Ultimis for their naivety. 'Wow, look at this place! A place I've never ever been before... ever. Someone turn on the power.' 'FINALLY IT WILL BE MINE! I mean, hey I think we're in space!'

He claims to be a very good hacker. 'My mad haxor skills are only eclipsed by my mad scientist skills. And it's very close.'

He seems to not know the English word 'excavator', or has forgotten it. 'That big diggy thingy is going to FUCK US UP!' 'Hm, it seems the big diggy thingy is going to mess up this rig.'

The doc also hints that he may know about alternative realities, something that comes into effect much later on in the story. 'Nothing happened... at least in this reality.'

He ponders turning Griffin Station into a thrill park if his plan to take over the MPD fails (based and thrill pilled): 'If this plan fails, I should build a thrill park here!'

Unsurprisingly, he seems to harbour a dislike for American women. This could also double as a leaning on the fourth wall moment, lol. 'What is with Groph's obsession with American women? All they ever do is PLAY GAMES!'

Interestingly, or perhaps terrifyingly, Edward shows interest in having children of his own. 'I hope this drink doesn't affect my fertility. Oh, the thought of little doctors!'

More of Richtofen being a huge hypocrite; he mocks Maxis's German accent despite having an even stronger German accent that's more exaggerated.

Hope you guys are enjoying this analysis so far! Part 3 might take a bit longer, quite a bit to get through. I'm really enjoying researching all of this, even if it's taking a shit ton of time lol. I'm sure there's still stuff i've missed or forgotten to mention, so feel free to add anything of note in replies/tags!

[ahundredtimesover]

Hi mimi! I hope you’re doing well.

What in the kdrama did i just watch! I love this chapter! Because of the slow burn, I’m really invested in the characters and their emotional journeys. I feel like I’m watching a movie!

Ooh the flower of attraction is growing! Does anyone know at this point that Jk likes OC?

It’s amazing how caring for someone helps you be a better person. Jk protected oc from that scumbag, giving her alone time to cry, taking her to the convenience store, and makeing sure she’s ok and taking breaks.

I’m really glad they’re opening up to each other more and saying each other’s names.

“But then there's you and somehow, those parts of him that he's kept hidden come out. Maybe it's those pieces that will help comfort you, that will help protect you, that will help keep you safe. He's not sure but if they are, maybe it's not such a bad thing for them to resurface, if it means you won't be scared or hurt or alone.” That’s so comforting!

Cant wait for chapter 9!

Hiii ok so this whole story rly plays like a k-drama in my mind like, I may not have watched a lot but still, so I get giddy when you guys feel that way, too! ☺️

The attraction is intensifying! 🤭 Who knows jk likes OC? Jk doesn’t even know that he likes OC! Haha. But it’s true though - caring for even just one person can make us better. It’s a first step, and jk is seeing that it’s this need for him to know that OC’s ok and safe that’s making him be more thoughtful, understanding, protective…

Also, that’s one of my favorite lines! Hehe

But thank you thank you for always dropping by 🥹 I look forward to your messages and they make me happy. 💕💕

[bettathanyou]

The Choices That Make Us, Part 2

Look at that, a double feature! I know the quotes of his memories don't align chronologically with Sofia calling him "Ceedric", but we're doing it for the sake of angst. Final Part will actually be not as gut wrenching, pinky swear it

TRIGGER WARNINGS

IMPLICATIONS OF SUICIDE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, AND COMMITING THE ACT. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Cedric stands at the balcony again, the same siren song beckoning him to hop the railing and just do it- to jump off, feel his world slow down as his body raced to the cold, hard pavement below and then finally, every ache and raging storm within himself will quiet.

That's what Cedric really wanted. For everything to be still, all around him but most of all inside of him.

To be in a position of royal sorcerer was already stressful enough, but to be dragged around like a mutt on a leash- only to be beaten down with verbal stones when he can't perform a trick correctly.

To say he felt dehumanized was an understatement.

The sorcerer groans, holding his head in his hands as the embarrassment and shame wrack his body again, tasting the tang of blood in his mouth as he bites the inside of his cheek- an old habit that has now become compulsive whenever bad memories resurfaced.

"Stop! You're making it worse!"

I know. I'm sorry, Cordelia. My hands ruin everything they touch, and I've never stopped trying to atone for it.

"Not much of a sorcerer, is he?"

I tried, didn't I? Wasn't that enough? ....Why wasn't that ever enough?

"Just as bad as that Cedric guy from Enchancia..."

Yeah... I suppose I really am a bad, piece of shit person. No one believed I was good anyways, and I think I'm starting to see why.

"We're stuck with him..."

Cedric gulps, well, gasps really- his lungs can't seem to find oxygen now, and his tears were free flowing rivers of torment running down redden cheeks.

Blinking away more tears, he realizes he was leaning over the rail again- when did he start doing that tonight? Was it just muscle memory now, to look down at the ground beneath him with an aching, burning feeling in his chest that could only be described as longing?

"You won't... be stuck- with me forever..." Cedric's voice garbled out the words between gasps, feeling the bob and sway of his balance fighting against the pull of gravity. His throat burns, a lump forming in his throat- good. There was nothing much left to say now, his mind was made up, and-

"Mr. Ceedric?"

A sweet, innocent voice cuts through the haze with the sharpness of a knife, making the sorcerer still. Whatever breath he had left was stolen, coming out of his mouth in a wheeze.

Shit.

Why now, must he be disturbed? Can he truly not get one goddamn moment to himself, for once?

"Mr. Ceedric? Why are you hanging over the railing like that-? It's not safe!"

He purses his lips shut tight, afraid of what words might come out of his mouth and even more afraid that if he tried to talk he would break down into tears right then and there.

He hopes in vain the princess would just leave- maybe if he stood still long enough, didn't make a sound, she'd leave. People seem to have no trouble ignoring him... Well.

Almost everyone, it seemed.

"Mr. Ceedric...?"

He feels the briefest touch of small fingers wrapping around the fabric of his robe, tugging to get his attention. Cedric flinched from the contact, harder than either of them expected. He hears her small heels scrape against the stone floor, clearly startled by his response.

Hot, boiling shame courses through his veins, and of course, whenever Cedric is faced with shame, somehow anger is the only thing that he defaults to, to cover it up.

"It's CEDRIC, Ced-ric!" He retorts, barely keeping his voice steady as he furiously swiped the tears off his face. Cedric's lanky body slides off the railing, on the side that kept his feet planted on solid ground once again.

He inhales a deep breath, trying to stop his heart from racing. Cedric felt like it was thundering so loud in his ears, surely Sofia could hear it? Either way, he didn't want to know.

"What do you want-? And why didn't you knock, princess, you always knock!" He asks defensively, meaning to scold the child- but out loud, there was evident panic lacing his voice. Panic at the idea of having being caught, of having someone- no, not just someone, Sofia, almost witness him commit-

"I did knock, Mr. Ceedric...!" Sofia protested, biting her lip in a nervous manner.

Cedric blinked, a clumsy, half-hearted "What?" being his only response.

"...You didn't answer, so I..." Sofia pauses, a skittish air about her that makes Cedric want to jump off the balcony right then and there, for making such a sweet girl feel scared around him.

"I got worried."

[saraminia]

Just going through something under the cut. Don't worry about it. I guess it was long overdue for a good cry.

Every now and then I'm hit with the fact that I will be alone for the rest of my life. And it's nobody's fault but mine. I don't love myself enough. I just don't. In fact I'm disgusted with myself tbqh. Obviously nobody wants to be with me. Even I don't want to be with me ffs. And really, I don't want to be with anyone else either. But still, I'm lonely sometimes. I have enough love in my life. I'm full of it. But there's no denying that something is missing. There is something so sad about folding queen size sheets alone. It's hard. It doesn't need to be so hard. Sometimes I whisper "goodnight" to my empty bedroom when I go to bed. Hoping that somehow those who I love will feel me saying it. Everyone I love is so far away. I'm always afraid they don't feel my love. And then there's all the love I can't give the way I want to. The love that has nowhere to go. So it just sits inside of me, bubbling and crackling and making me overwhelmed. Making me sick. I don't want to admit I want a person who fills my energy instead of draining ne. I want that feeling that when I say I want to be alone, I mean alone with them. But I'm not able to open up. I'm not able to fall in love. How can I give someone a heart that already belongs to someone else. I need to find another way to love and another way to live. I can't even imagine a scenario where I would be someone's first choice. And really, that would scare the hell out of me. How could I ever be enough. How could that broken halfhearted love I'm capable of ever be enough. And how long until all my past traumas would resurface and I'd be riddled with mistrust and jealousy. No, I will never be enough. Not in my own eyes. And I'd only ever be capable of loving with some fragments of my heart so how could I expect someone to love me with all of theirs. I can't. So I continue to live alone. My children are getting older now. Soon they won't come so often anymore. And my parents are getting older, too. Soon I'll be taking care of them. And then they won't be anymore. And I'll be alone. I'll be living my life alone for the rest of my life.

[wickedlittleoz]

Hello! I saw that you said requests are okay :> Since we've gotten official OW birth dates, would you be willing to write a shimadacest birthday fic? Whoever's birthday is up to you since the brothers' bdays are near one another hehehdhd SFW or NSFW also up to you! Maybe let them have gift exchanges and passionate birthday kissies too after being apart for a decade :'3

Also I love the way you write! 🥹🫶 Your writing makes me soft inside and all comfy!

Thank you for the time!

HAI THERE thank you for this ask and for being so sweet and for choosing me to realize your ideas!!!! this turned out very nsfw, i'm sorry if you wanted something fluffy and sweet, but it got out of hand and these guys, they really just wanna go down on each other. i can't deny them the (literal) pleasure.

jokes aside anon i hope you enjoy this piece, feel free to send more whenever you want, i love you & hope you have a wonderful week! <3

E-rated shimadacest birthday bash bellow the cut teehee

-

The chant of Happy birthday to you reaches Hanzo's ears as he steps down to the cafeteria early in the morning. He'd meant to be the first person in the kitchen that day, to cook Genji his favorite food for breakfast. But somehow Angela, Cassidy and Zenyatta beat him to it. And to be honest, he's not exactly surprised; since their reunion a couple months ago it feels like he's constantly fighting for Genji's attention, with how popular he is among the Overwatch team.

The grimace of annoyance disappears from his face, however, as soon as Genji comes into view. Wide smile, sparkly-eyed, joyful as ever. It's his day, Hanzo reminds himself, joining the friendly choir. He deserves so much more. But, as always, it seems that Hanzo is the one getting more blessings than he should, because as soon as Genji sees him, he shouts, "Brother, come here! We should celebrate your birthday, too!"

He doesn't remember the last time he celebrated his own birthday. But of course Genji won't take no for an answer, jumping excitedly all the way to a flustered Hanzo and hugging his shoulders while the rest of the group repeats the song, this time calling out the elder brother's name.

"Did we miss your birthday, Hanzo, dear?" Angela asks minutes after, as Zenyatta hands out equally-sized cake slices.

Hanzo shakes his head, but it's Genji who cuts in to explain. "It'll be his birthday in a week, still. But we always used to have shared parties when we were kids, right Han?"

To which Hanzo can only nod, lost in memories of childhood birthdays that Genji's eyes bring out of the depths of his mind. Even when Mother wanted to give them their own separate parties, the two would insist in celebrating together.

"When Genji was born," he says before he even thinks about speaking. "Our mother told me he was my own early present."

The room breaks out in awws and cute!s, but Hanzo is still lost in Genji's face. The soft happiness of his expression. Not a single day has passed that he hasn't felt those words were true; his little brother was and is, in fact, the greatest gift the universe ever offered him.

Then, as he always would in their childhood, Genji reaches out and smears whipped cream on Hanzo's cheek. He just rolls his eyes, biting back laughter. "Really?"

Their friends seem to be distracted in conversation and Genji takes advantage of that, whispers, "Yeah, really." And leans in to lick Hanzo's face clean.

Genji doesn't immediately pull away and his breath on Hanzo's wet cheek sends a shiver down his spine. Hanzo tries to breathe, but every inhale fills his lungs with Genji's scent. He knows what his brother's doing, what he's hinting at. Their most intimate celebrations have resurfaced in his memories as well and he can't wait to have a chance at them again.

"I have a gift for you," Genji says in his ear. "Come to my room later."

Hanzo nods and Genji pulls away as soon as the door swings open, and yet another Happy birthday to you crowd approaches. He finally manages a grounding breath. The night can't come sooner.

They're surprised with another cake, another surprise party that night. This time Genji lets Hanzo hang in a corner and takes the spotlight, takes all the hugs and good wishes and gifts. The evening seems to go on forever as he sits in absolute stillness, though inside Hanzo is bubbling in anticipation for the moment everyone agrees to head to bed and he can finally, finally have Genji all for himself.

Reinhardt is the last to get dragged away, drunk and rambling, and after helping with the cleanup, Hanzo bids everyone goodnight and slips away to his room. Deep down he feels stupid, getting all dollied up for Genji, of all people, but they get so little alone time here in Gibraltar that his instinct is to try and leave a good impression. Has to shake himself in front of the mirror, grab the box of Genji's present and leave the room before he starts changing clothes all over again.

It takes no time at all for Genji to respond with come on in when Hanzo knocks on his door. When it slides open, it offers Hanzo the sight of literal heaven: Genji, lying in bed with an arm behind his head, all his flesh bits exposed (which is rare, so rare, for him to let them out, and it's a pity because he's beautiful), legs spread wide. Hard. Wet. Delicious. Stroking himself leisurely.

For a moment Hanzo stands by the door, after it closes behind him, just watching. Genji's pupils are blown, his face, relaxed. His mouth, slightly open for easier breathing. Either he's had something, or he's already peaked while waiting for Hanzo to arrive, which is such a lovely idea – that Genji was so excited prepping for their birthday bash that he couldn't hold back and made himself cum.

Hanzo's insides feel warm like molten chocolate just at the thought. He sets Genji's gift down on his desk for later, starts tugging off his clothes as he steps closer to the bed. Genji's breath quickens as he watches Hanzo strip, delicious little sounds escaping his parted lips. Hanzo sits beside him on the bed, fully naked and already semi hard, and at this point Genji's hand is going so fast it's almost blurry.

"Is this my gift?" Hanzo asks, taking note suddenly of how low his voice has dropped.

Genji just shakes his head, no.

His eyebrows shoot up. "There's more?"

Yes.

"Goodness, Genji," he sighs and finally touches Genji, just a heavy hand settling down on his thigh. Rubbing gently upwards, feeling the cold metal that makes him him. "You spoil me rotten, brother."

In response Genji shifts, pulling his other hand free and reaching out for Hanzo, who leans in as Genji's fingers slip behind his head for a kiss. It's sweet and almost chaste; Genji has very little energy to focus on the kiss right now, so Hanzo takes his chance to bite his lips, suck on his tongue. Explore his mouth as deeply as he wants, as Genji only moans and tugs at his hair.

"Tell me something, birthday boy," he mutters as their mouths part, though his face remains inches from Genji's. "How many times have you come already?"

Genji huffs an attempt of a chuckle. It melts into a groan when Hanzo's hand slips up his inner thigh to gently fondle his balls.

Once, he mouths and Hanzo smiles proudly at his correct guess. Years have passed and still he knows his little brother like the back of his hand.

He dips his head to nose down the side of Genji's face, the place where metal meets skin. "You want to come again?" Hanzo asks, and Genji nods in response. Yes.

Poor thing. There's a gorgeous sheen of sweat on his forehead and the vents on his shoulders are releasing a gentle puff of lukewarm steam. Hanzo would love to keep Genji on this edge for hours, to push him to the limits of sanity with lust and desire, but he fears that it might be too much for his circuits.

Once again assuming correctly, he dips two fingers into Genji, finding that he's slick and loose. As soon as pushes them in, Genji shouts, spurts of liquid pleasure painting his chest. He shakes and shivers for a minute, then fully relaxes back on the bed, a satisfied grin painted on his face. Beautiful.

But there's more yet to come.

"Hey," Genji murmurs when at last he opens his eyes again. "You wanna grab those for me?"

Hanzo looks over his shoulder at the place that Genji's pointing out. He didn't see it at first when he walked in because obviously there had been more interesting things in sight, but beside the box that he put down on Genji's desk, there are two other packages, one short and slim and the other one a lot taller than the first. Hanzo frowns, wondering about the contents, but dips in to quickly peck him on the lips, then slowly pulls his hand free (as Genji gasps and sighs) to go retrieve all three of the boxes.

"The bigger one is yours," Genji explains from the bed as he makes his way back. "The smaller one is... Ours."

There's a soft flush on his cheeks when Hanzo gives him a quizzical look. He decides to open the smaller one first.

Well, after Genji opens his.

So once he's returned to his place at Genji's side, he puts the two other boxes down and offers his brother the one that he brought in. "Here," he explains. "I know you have an unlimited supply of these things, but... Kiri got me in touch with Asa. These are Yamagami originals."

Something shiny and delighted crosses Genji's eyes, but when he reaches out towards Hanzo, instead of grabbing the box, he wraps his hand around Hanzo's cock.

"Open it for me?" The shit-eating grin would be audible even if Hanzo weren't staring at his face. "I've kinda got my hands full at the moment."

And well, can he argue with the birthday boy? Certainly not.

Hanzo bites a smile of his own, trains his breathing and his eyes on the package and rips it open as gently as he can, with shaky hands of his own. Out slips a small box of polished wood; sliding open the lid reveals a set of shiny shuriken.

"Damn." Genji whistles. "Fuck me, these are pretty."

"Language," Hanzo reprimands, because no matter how much time passes he'll always be the older brother.

"Oh sure, sorry Han," he's rolling his eyes and smirking. "Stroking your dick is fine, but I can't swear?"

"Precisely," he says just to further annoy him, but Genji just laughs it off. Cautiously, he puts away the box, secured safely inside a drawer on Genji's side table.

Hanzo's breathing hiccups twice as shudders run through him. Genji slows the pace of his hand.

"Open the smaller one now?" He suggests and there's a tone of anxiety and excitement in his voice that does the very opposite of what he intended by going slower on Hanzo's cock.

He picks up the box. It's light and doesn't produce sounds when shaken. Genji jabs at Hanzo's shoulder with his free hand, going come on! as he calmly pulls it open.

And a pink little vibrator slips out. Because of course it's a sex toy.

"You can control it through an app–"

"I know how these work, Genji," Hanzo says as he removes the thing from its packaging. He's mulling it over and thinks he probably still has the app installed on his phone since the last time... Well, that was years ago...

"Who did you use it on?" Genji asks. There's no hint of jealousy in his voice; his eyes are hooded but curious. His hand stills entirely when Hanzo leans down to search his clothes for the phone.

"Doesn't matter," is all he says, because truly, it doesn't.

"Who did you use it on, Han?" He's having fun prodding at Hanzo, the asshole.

But Hanzo isn't going to dwell on the past now. He sets up the connection, checks that the toy is working as intended, then turns to Genji with a smirk of his own.

"Tell you who I'm about to use it on, now," he says, pushing the toy deep inside Genji's ass. "Happy birthday to us, Genji."

The two explode into laughter, but Genji's quickly turns to moans as Hanzo turns on the toy. He sets it up to a low vibration at first, just to test the waters. Genji is quick to recover from the initial shock and just sighs, rolling his hips to the rhythm of the toy.

Hanzo keeps his phone close, but sets it down on the bed and reaches for the third and last box.

"Ah, you're going to like this one," Genji breathes. His hand returns to Hanzo's cock and Hanzo moves closer to him on instinct, indulging the touch.

From inside the box he retrieves a bottle of very expensive sake, the type that they don't find outside of Japan. He hasn't had a taste of this one since... Well, probably since he fled the country, all those years ago.

He looks from the bottle to Genji, then back at the bottle, then back at Genji. He's grinning proudly as Hanzo frowns.

"This must have been expensive, brother," he murmurs. Genji's always been one for irrational expenses.

"Hanzo, please." He's glaring daggers at Hanzo, "Can't I spoil my older brother rotten?"

Somehow the response breaks his defenses. Yes, Genji can do whatever he wants, he deserves it, even if what he wants to do is coddle Hanzo, who does not deserve it.

But this is their birthday bash, after all. He opens the bottle, takes a long swig, then passes it over to Genji. It's delicious, even more so when Hanzo leans in to kiss Genji and taste it on his tongue.

"Thank you," he murmurs into his mouth and Genji smiles, kisses him again.

"Happy birthday to us," Genji parrots. He's not drunk yet, but Hanzo feels lightheaded with how much love he has for his brother.

Then Genji is picking up the pace of his hand and Hanzo takes his phone, cranks up the vibrator just slightly. He straddles Genji's chest (which is sticky, he'd forgotten, with cum, but once he realizes it he loves the feeling) and inches closer, closer, until Genji's hand slides over to his hip and instead he takes Hanzo in his mouth.

It's been over a decade, but nobody ever knew quite how to blow Hanzo the perfect way like Genji does.

He passes Hanzo back the bottle, grabs at his ass with both hands and goes to town, swirling his tongue and pressing and sucking, and grazing his teeth just slightly, just that edge of pain that makes Hanzo's eyes roll back into his skull. When Hanzo grabs his hair and starts to fuck his mouth, he knows to relax and take it, to groan around his cock, sending sparks up Hanzo's shaft. And when Hanzo buries himself as deep as he can possibly go, to spill his pleasure down Genji's throat, he swallows it all, nice and pretty like the little slut he is.

He's so good that Hanzo figures he deserves to have the toy amped up yet again.

At this point Genji is squirming, cock hard and leaking again, and frankly Hanzo could just watch him fuck himself crazy on the toy – he does sit back for a moment, taking sips of sake and enjoying himself. But then he thinks, well, it's Genji's birthday. Maybe birthday boy has other ideas.

He leans closer to Genji's face again. "Tell me what you want, brother," is but a whisper.

Genji grins wildly. "Told you before," he stutters. "Fuck me."

Hanzo's hands are already reaching for his thighs. "With or without the toy?"

"With."

Gods, I love him.

The bottle gets abandoned in favor of something much, much better. Hanzo sits between Genji's legs as he pulls his knees up, offering his pretty ass and his pretty, puffy hole. Genji had lubed himself up thoroughly and it shines, leaking out of him. He grabs at the handle on the toy so it doesn't get lost and starts pushing in, inch after inch as Genji moans obscenely, and Hanzo can only imagine how good it must feel, how full he must be, how the vibrations must be shaking his very bones.

Because now he feels it too, the toy, pressed against his cock in the tight space of Genji's body. And it's out of this world. No one should be allowed to feel so good.

He grabs at the back of Genji's knees, pushing them up, and starts thrusting. Slowly, carefully, watching his face for signs of overstimulation. And though his eyes are glassy and locked onto Hanzo's, he attempts a smile, falling back into frowns of absolute pleasure every time he sinks all the way in.

And Hanzo catches himself thinking that could live inside Genji...

Then Genji is fiddling with a phone, Hanzo's phone, and suddenly the vibrator jolts, hitting maximum power. Genji shouts and Hanzo gasps in surprise, and he has to stop moving because it's too much – his whole body shakes with the toy and he comes so hard he slips out of Genji, paints the bed with his cum. Genji convulsing beneath him, cum shooting in all directions, but he's laughing frenziedly, hysterical with pleasure.

"Hanzo!" He's being loud, Hanzo is certain that people in other rooms down the hall can hear it. "Hanzo!"

"I'm here, Genji," gently tugging the toy out of his body until he stops shaking and Hanzo can pull Genji to his lap. "I'm right here."

They breathe together, satisfied and spent at last.

Genji grins at him. "Best. Birthday. Ever."

And all Hanzo can do is laugh.

They should really go for a bath soon; sweat aside, Genji is all sticky with cum and Hanzo knows he'll find himself just as grimy. But for now they can rest back on the bed (which is also in dire need for a change of sheets), and just breathe and relax.

It is their birthday, after all. They can indulge.

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman (SP fic) part 5

('In love with my hatred')

/What exactly are we?/

Kyle goes through old memories between his younger self and his 'buddy'.

Slight warning ⚠️ this is a very disturbing fluffed caramelized deranged fic, kinda, not really. Just watch yourself when you press 'read more'.

Author's note: I've been so— sleep deprived guys sorry I'd I've been lacking, I'm gonna be out for a couple of days so my chaps are either gonna be short, rushed or a little delayed than usual 😭

I also want to mention that I appreciate the support I'm receiving! @liabilit-e I'm still considering on posting it on AO3 but Idk if it's just me but everytime I try loading the page it gets all laggy and slow so it's kinda not something I'm thrilled about, but still, thanks for the support! 💓 @myst1calx I think I've bother you enough but I appreciate the offer! I'll try searching for solutions but if I don't, Ik where to go, tnks;)

~~~~~~

Kyle couldn't get a bit of sleep, tossing everything aside from his desk to his floor, books flying everywhere papers spreading across the room as he slammed the table with both his fist, externally wanting to not be heard but hoping internally someone could hear him, understand him.

Frustration streamed in his veins, glassy eyes that began to sting feeling a boiling sensation in his feet; that becomes too annoying to ignore needing to move them left, right, on top of the other, bottom again, move move move until you start feeling your legs numb themselves having to force moving them aswell, arching his upper back releasing unwanted stress, the tension on his neck worsening as his growing headache resurfaced.

It was like a damn fever everytime he found himself wide awake until four in the morning, drinking coffee to make himself not dose off. Now he finds himself so use to the routine his brain makes him stay awake until it's 'time for bed' even if he doesn't drink coffee and actually attempts to sleep early.

How can you procrastinate while trying to sleep? Doing shit your brain makes you think you should do just in case you forget tomorrow.

'Write that down, Kyle' 'why didn't I think about this before, I should write it now before it gets even more late!' 'If I do this now, I won't worry tomorrow' tomorrow, tomorrow, 'tomorrow' ironically being morning, and initially the new day.

Technically being 'tomorrow', technically tricking himself going in to some ongoing messy loop.

Contemplating himself in his reflection against his laptop, he couldn't help it. Work was stressful as it is, and now having Cartman up his ass with messages asking 'wym by 'boyfriend', jew?' He hated not knowing what to respond, in all honesty, why the fuck did he even say that? Why let Kenny's teasing get him so bad? It wasn't even as bad as Cartman's taunting.

And kissing Cartman infront of the whole school? Words spread like fire, his parents heard of it from Scotch's who heard from Marsh who had heard it from Jimbo who was told from Donovan! And so on so on!

This was getting outta hand, and he didn't know why he even let himself be put in a situation he wasn't even sure he could even say regretted of.

He grabbed his laptop slamming it shut as he went downstairs going in to the garage; grabbing a hammer and heading outside in the now snowing weather, the sun was about to rise now claiming for a new day to begin.

He threw his laptop hard in the ground beneath him 'thump', slamming with force the first hit with the hammer 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Shesst' 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Hit by hit getting more aggravated, taking all his frustrations, concerns and thoughts aways.

'Why did I commit to this!?'

'Why do I care so much of what others think!'

'Why do I feel like I'm gonna mess it up somehow!'

'Why commit to something you're not sure you'll end up finishing!'

'It was too much work, so much time consuming, so much of his soul, sweat and tears put in months, weeks, days of work and he knew damn well he'll still make the effort to continue doing it'

'Risking his health both physically and mentally for a dumb grading'

'Exposing himself being in 'love' with a fat psychotic fuck, either have his heart broken or be disappointed for any outcome awaiting for him'

'He wasn't sure he could even say he loved him, but fuck he couldn't deny his attraction'

'Even if things went south, he promise himself HE would be the one to break up with Cartman, never reverse! If it isn't him saying 'goodbye' than Cartman will sit his ass down and wait!'

'If someone's deserving of another heart break it's Eric Cartman!'

He panted heavily as cold sweat drained his face, halting seeing his mad 'creation', a man walking his dog passing by the sidewalk eyeing him weirdly before continuing his pace. He sighed as he let go of the hammer; falling to the ground, sinking deeply in the snow.

He swiped some sweat off his forehead 'good thing he had all his work saved in the cloud'. And thanked God he didn't burn his paperwork.

Feeling a buzz in his pockets, he took it out and responded:

'Mornin' to u, fatboy'

°°°°

"It's okay bubbie, we don't judge you for your awful taste," his mother reassured in a soothing voice squeezing his cheeks with both her hands making him pout, "Besides there's nothing wrong with being gay, we support it, we support you," with a loud 'muack' staining his left cheek with some of her red lip gloss.

"Ofcourse, however we would judge you immensely if you're the woman in the relationship," Gerald added as he fixes some issue on the tv, Ike nodded in agreement as he passed a screwdriver to his dad.

"Gerald!," Sheila screamed, sending him a scowl.

"What?"

"It's true, ma, if someone deserves to take it up the ass, it's Eric. He's a piece of shit and has teased Kyle for being a 'no good jew' for years," Ike commented before passing some duck tape.

"WHAT WHAT WHAT!? language mister! That's your future brother in law you're now talking about," Her mother attempted defending him but he noticed how she glance upwards contemplating it aswell.

"Yikes," Ike shuddered by the thought and realization.

That's all he could recall of how his family reacted to the news, now walking to school as he avoided the bus and Cartman all together. It was funny that the other day it was the complete opposite. He wanted to be close to Cartman, see him, talk to him and now, he wants to avoid even glancing at him.

So he thought.

Cartman was his 'boyfriend' everyone would expect for he to act like one, probably even Cartman himself.

He scratched under his hat, trying his best to ease his nerves.

Third period in and no sign of Cartman, 'the fuck did fatass go?' He thought, bouncing his leg anxiously focusing hard in to paying attention in class, but his eyes couldn't help but glance at the empty seat behind him.

"Kyle! Stop being a complete gaywad cause your little boyfriend went missing for a day ¡and pay attention!," Garrison screamed annoyed, making Kyle snap back at the board, some of his classmates snickered and whisper.

Stan glanced at him but he avoided looking back at him.

At lunch he texted Cartman asking him why he didn't bother going to school, but received no response in return.

He found that odd, maybe even second guessing if Cartman was actually taking in this new 'thing' going on between them any better. 'What if fatass was just as evasive with the subject as he was trying to do?'

He hesitated, as he munched on his food oblivious of the stares he's getting.

Dashing to his locker he went through his stuff and got a small key hidden behind some old markers; he should definitely throw away but didn't. He headed back to class as he waited for school to end straight up heading some old abandoned building they use to hide out as kids. Becoming the new 'freedom pals' headquarters, 'base' or whatever. He was the 'chosen one' for key keeping; mostly preventing Cartman to find it and scratch up all their things in spite, he was the only villain who was out to get them.

He opened the big metallic door with a 'creak' as it opened slowly, the hide out was never use nowadays and he hoped no hobos had crashed it by now, he honestly didn't care as long as he didn't encounter one at that moment. Right now that he needed something. He remembered having hidden it right in this base, away from Cartman, as it was the only place he was sure Cartman wouldn't grab it and use it as leverage against him.

He remembers how stoked he was to have found a small compartment underneath the floor, and how secretive he was deciding to hog his discovery for himself. Under a big rug he managed to peel it off dust spreading across the room, coughing heavily as he cringed by the bugs and mold that came out from it.

Moldy, greasy gross pictures spread in the compartment as a wet smell came out.

He went through all those pictures, memories flooding his head as he gather them up, shoving some old toys aside as he finally brought to his chest the red box he's been looking for.

Closing behind the metallic door as he went out and walked back home, now dark as he finally arrived.

He entered his room, locked his door as he approached his messy desk. Carefully placing the box there.

He wouldn't dare admit it, fuck, he probably could never. But countless times of him and Stan taunting Cartman over his diary was one of their favorite things to tease him for, cause it was 'funny' 'cringe' 'girly', etc, so the fact he did the unthinkable.

Funny enough, he made sure to consider his own a 'journal' than a diary, nonetheless it's still similar to one. It had everything he's written from age 7 to 9, it wasn't too big neither was he constant with it but it was definitely personal, and after that he never actually found himself writing shit down, he had other hobbies he was more interested of and honestly, wasn't his thing.

He admired the crappie scribbles with crayons and markers cover, all now full of mold, smudges and peeling edges. Still, in his eyes, it was beautiful. He remembered how proud he was to have finished it, and how each page was filled with passion and sincerity. To the good days, to the sad days, angry, stressed, nervous, anxious, spiteful, envious, sorrow, regret, it was a whole ride.

It was a stress reliever for sure, and somehow he understood why Cartman was so into it. But he really couldn't help but to NOT put that much effort in it. He recalls various times just not feeling himself to fill a page, no energy or just didn't care, but he pushed himself forward onto atleast writing two paragraphs. Cause if he stopped a day, it'll make him delay his enthusiasm making him forget the whole thing after skipping a few.

He opened his first page and he chuckled.

'NOT' in red for emphasis, 'a diaRy'.

Everything was blank besides the black and red ink.

He flipped the next page,

March 1, 2019

'Dear future self,

Today I've decided to write down and for each passing day until my last page, about my daily things or whatever.

To be honest I'm not sure, but I'll give it a try.'

The instruction page was simple yet explanatory, he flipped a couple of pages cause some he'd recognized; either boring or some about his procrastination trying to peek up again and force himself to atleast write he ate some cereal that day.

Halting in one peculiar page not far from those other ones, the edges were covered in pink crayon making it noticeable of being 'personal' to 'super personal'.

March 23, 2019

'Things went overboard with skank hunt (cartman) we had to put an end to it, it was hard, neither did I or Stan wanted to do it. But they did, they ended Cartman, he just couldn't stop no matter how many times they warned him.

That fake act he was putting wasn't fooling anyone, it was painlessly ridiculous how pathetic he looked thinking he'd convince us.

Still, the guilt eats me alive.

Is this what it's called betrayal? Certainly. Did Cartman deserve it? Definitely.

So why do I care so much about that fat piece of shit?

Why does my heart ache thinking about what they did?'

March 23, 2019

'If anyone could hear me, if I could tell myself to not do it, if I could back track time I would go immediately. We were wrong, we took Cartman down for no reason.

It wasn't him, it's silently breaking my mind right now.

I feel like my heart broke in pieces after that revelation, I don't know for sure why. But fuck, I screwed up.

I feel like the dirt and ground I'm steeping in would fall beneath me, falling straight to an abyss.

Looking at Cartman was like a punch in the gut a wound being spread in to my chest as a knife poke out from inside. Being stabbed.

If I could've listened to him, if I believed him...

Pain, a aching sensation spreading in my body, the wound sting. It burned.

And I can't find myself forgiving myself anytime soon.

I cried today.'

He couldn't help himself but to pace a finger gently on to that page, remembering vividly those memories spread back in his mind, feeling immensely what he had felt those past times.

Reconnecting to his younger self.

He flipped through two pages already knowing the rest.

March 25, 2019

'Heidi Turner, a girl I just found out will be willingly capable of dating fatass.

I still can't believe it, it's impossible to grasp upon it. Who would want to date Cartman? In what world would that be possible? Clearly in this one.

Fuck, the images resurface my mind everytime I shut my eyes, Cartman holding Heidi's hand, him making some gay ass necklace for her, smiling wide to her. Beaming as he was the most happiest boy alive as if they didn't broke his shit not long ago.

My stomach revolts by the thought, by the damn memory. I feel nauseous even writing it down, right now I feel grossed out. I want to vomit-

All over Cartman, that piece of shit is asking for it, this is all his fault. Like usual.

I have other worries to deal with, why does fatass always does something to keep me off track of what's important?

Fuck him, and fuck this shitty skank hunt situation.

And fuck girls! Fuck them all!

Butters is right they don't need to try to fix the girls shit by degrading themselves, they needed to show them that they had enough and they've tried, but now they're standing up for themselves for what's right. Cause they're going overboard with their bitch attitude.

So I'm sticking to it.'

Flicking some further pages he 'tsk'.

April 19, 2019

'Do I like Heidi Turner?

Or is it because she's Cartman's girlfriend? She deserves better than to date a asshole, he is only gonna cause her pain.

I've thought I just wanted to prevent a tragedy, save her the damage he'll cause her eventually. But maybe the girls are right? Maybe I am kinda interested in her. She's cute and seems smart, the type of girl anyone could fall interested, no?

Cartman isn't happy with her, he bitches about her all the time. She doesn't deserve that.

He doesn't deserve to be that miserable either, technically, he is helping a friend out, right?

It's not like that relationship is going anywhere, Cartman should just dump that poor girl already.

I feel pity, but I also understand if it was easy to be manipulated from that douchbag. No one can understand Cartman the way I do, no one can see through his lies, posture, gestures, words even see the mischievous glint in his eyes everytime he thinks he could trick him.

I hope she now realizes it isn't a easy deal, kisses and praises won't change Cartman, I doubt anything will. But still, Heidi seems too naive to realize, considering the girls aren't really trying to put an end to her relationship with Cartman, I thought it'd be a good idea to intervene.

But maybe I was wrong? I didn't expect to develop some sorta crush on Heidi, now that I think about it, I don't.. really feel anything but sympathy for her.

But if the girls think that I may be attracted to her maybe they see something I just can't see yet.

Maybe I do like Heidi.'

He unintentionally shook his head, grasping the idiocy of his own denial mind.

April 23, 2019

'I 'fought' Cartman today, kinda. It was just a tiny punch in the face that knocked him out cold.

He was being a douche, couldn't just move on from Heidi. Just couldn't let go because maybe spite? Or maybe he just likes being able to degrade someone who he knew will still be stuck on to his bullshit with 'no' choice but to deal with. Someone who'll indulge him, praise him and naively expecting him to change. Even though they were being manipulated by him that very instant.

Still, I MAY feel a little bad.. for doing what I did.

It's more of a certainty to show what it REALLY is to be in a healthy relationship, and to make sure no one fell again into Cartman's manipulative lies.

Someone has to teach him a lesson, someone has to put that fat bastard in his place. Someone has to make him realize it's not worth chasing after a girl that isn't doing anything wrong but like him back. Someone he truly just doesn't like and just uses to pin his shit on to them, dragging them with him. Turning them in him.

It's like Cartman was self destroying himself even more as that relationship continued to build, and planned to just take Heidi with him as it falls down.

Cartman wasn't happy, he was bummed all the time, and his energy just seemed drained. I find it quite annoying, mostly when he bashes about it and saying it's because of Heidi yet he showed no mean on dumping her anytime soon.

Good to know he didn't have to, making it easy for him to just move on!

Pretty much she handed him a way out and he shoved it up his ass. Typical Cartman, can't let something go if it doesn't end his way, childishly whining and making a fit as it didn't go as planned.

Claiming he no longer wanted to deal with Heidi but now begged to have her back, that he 'needed' her to be happy when he fucking wasn't.

What class of miserable logic was that?

Oh, I am now also dating Heidi Turner.'

April 25, 2019

'My first date with Heidi was unexplainable, it didn't last at all. She ended things off the moment I was immediately ready to take her out for a nice evening.

I'm disappointed, I tried, I really did, but I underestimated Cartman's commitment and stubbornness.

She was too far lost in Cartman's lies, he isn't gonna stop her now. She chose this path might aswell stick with it.

I already had gotten in to it too much, I was even warned and I didn’t listen, now I’m paying the consequences for it.

I've gotten my heartbroken two times and my hopes have been dragged enough, I'm not gonna follow in to this mess any longer; just listen to my friends on doing nothing and let it be.

If they want to willingly destroy each other, I won't care, it's not my problem anymore.

He'll realize eventually how bad it is to continue tagging along something he's forcing himself to be stuck with, instead of just using his common senses and rationalize his choices.

Even though it'll probably take awhile for he to do so, probably even get his balls kicked while trying to pathetically deny that his 'happiness' relied on only some girl.

Fuck Cartman.'

November 26, 2019

‘Cartman recently got broken up, now it seems to be legitimate. It also seems he had no plans on trying to pursue her any longer, he seems to have gotten over it very quickly even looked relieved.

I could probably say that fat fuck learned his lesson.

Things have been getting normal lately, the usual, but I figured I should just put a end to this chapter as I can now say for sure Cartman had also put it to end.’

He continually flipped page after page, reading through other small memories to heartwarming one of his friends or family. Stopping in to another peculiar but fond one.

December 2, 2019

Things like these are not meant to be forgotten, I must write this down engraving the essence of it, barely baring the possibility of it even happening

I just.. unbelievable, it’s fucking unbelievable.

Might as well shoot me in the head cause my eyes and ears just witnessed something mythologic. Something surreal that shouldn’t had happened but has somewhat craved seeing.

Generosity, from no other but from Cartman.

Me being proud of the fatass would be a underestimate, I can't described in exact words how I felt at that moment but I'll try describing it as best as I can.

Today was typically leveraging, having to be put up with the adults of town do something absolutely bizarre (stupid), we had to deal with Randy so we were targeted separately as being 'trouble', we as children were being pinned the blame on, than to the actual culprit.

It pissed them off ofcourse but it wasn't no surprise for them that Randy had use that excuse for his own dismay.

Somehow Stan managed to get us out from the cell we were put in, so it wasn't also a surprise for us to finish off the hell fire Randy Marsh had spread.

Apparently they needed something of great value to stop the gigantic robot that destroyed buildings in a dramatic 'godzilla' manner. People screamed in terror as they ran until they felt they were capable of going to. And well us four were confused, we weren't like at a place to go back home and get something valuable. We were stuck and in a middle of a crisis.

At the moment we were gonna give up and surrender as we had nothing, Cartman spoke up saying 'I do' and took it out from his pocket while grumbling under his breath unheard words as he gave the scientist (who was helping us) a small golden ring he previously had bragged about to me and the gang 'ha-hahaha! I got gold and you don't! Hahaha-ha! You cant steal this from me Kahl I'll have it on me 24/7 you sneaky little rat!' In his annoying mockingly manner and his dumb little dance as he sang it in tune.

We were all left bewildered, I know by how I had glanced to the guys to see if what I saw was real, and their surprised expression confirmed it.

Cartman gave his most precious ring to save south park out of his own will and heart.

I thought it was some type of charade or something with double gain but it seemed he didn't planned on doing anything at the end of it, just leaving home and cursing us out for being 'lame'.

It was so dreamy seeing him do that, he looked amazing doing something good for once, adorably innocent, I think he noticed it wasn't 'normal' of his character so he covered it up with a 'I'm doing it for Stan cause I know deep down he still cares for his dumbass dad,' But even that left me in 'awe'.

Fucking unbelievable.'

He continued flipping through pages realizing it wasn't so far off for him to start developing a sorta thing for fatass. He looked at a scribbled down page from the top, the writing was place on the bottom as if he was rethinking his words and overly stressed about it as he had ripped down some previously pages before writing on this one.

He realized this was already in the period of the covid crisis.

August 22, 2020

'Today was worrisome, Stan was acting differently (stress) motivated on wanting to help Butters build a bear during our school lockdown.

Ofcourse that just lead problems and various kids die (including kenny) in the process as we had convinced everyone to help out, we weren't supposed to escape neither ran off in the neighborhood.

Hiding from the police as we broke in the build a bear shop, Stan desperately attempting to build a bear while we tried reasoning with him that it was impossible without an adult's help, while surrounded by police officers outside.

And then there was Cartman AGAIN leaving us bewildered as he gave up the pangolin pitying Stan, again, for Stan.

It was starting to be a sorta thing of his to be doing small acts of good being 'Stan' influenced, it was starting to bug me.

I told Stan off on the phone before bed; what was up with him and Cartman but he was left confused and I hanged up before he could say anything.

The fuck with those two?'

He flipped through those pages smiling incredulous realizing how dumb he was to not see his own jealous arising.

September 10, 2020

'I told Cartman off his bullshit but it's like he didn't get me at all, that piece of shit.

I had told him in a way that didn't expose my skepticism without ridiculing myself but also in a way that he'll understand instantly.

'What? Are you gonna go do something about it for your boyfriend?' I had told him.

We were discussing about continuing on heading downtown and hang out or follow through whatever Randy had gotten in to revolving his weed business as he had called pleading Stan to help him with something while we were already on the way.

Stan groaned annoyed hanging up pinching the bridge of his nose contemplating on doing his dad's request or not, Cartman chimed in shrugging it off saying 'maybe if we take a cab and go to the fist seven eleven we see; grab the cheapest lighter there is and just swoop in, give your dad the lighter. Probably expecting it to last a minute-' he kept blabbering some type of vengeful scheme while Stan grunted shoving his hands inside his pockets.

'I dunno man, I'm really tired of Mr. Marsh issues rubbing on us,' Kenny told the four expecting for us to continue the first plan we had in mind.

'Yeah, but if Stan-' Cartman tried speaking for Stan, and when I mean TRY, I meant I interrupted him.

'What? Are you gonna do something about it for your boyfriend?'

I saw how Cartman acted as if he didn't know what I meant, arching those thin brows of his and squinting his glinting eyes in 'confusion'.

It pissed me off some more.

But Stan intervene claiming he really didn't want to get involved in his dad's shit today so we left it there.

Was it too much? No. I think. I'm just tired of this dumb act of Cartman's but I'm also tired of Randy's charades like Kenny had stated, it's just too much.

And what's up with Stan not saying anything about it? Like, he's just shrugging off that Cartman has openly stated most of the time being 'him' the reason he does nice things.

That's not normal, I wouldn't just shrug it off if I we're Stan.

I.. I'm not sure exactly what would I do if it were ME he'd do those nice things for, but I know I wouldn't ignore it. I'd probably ask for an explanation or something, fuck, maybe even see his limits, push him through exposing those good layers in him, analyzing his every movements, gestures, words, see if I could captivate some lie or genuine act.

Fuck, I wish I were Stan.'

Flipping through more pages, he recalled many other questionable moments between him and Cartman but this one stole the take.

July 9, 2022

'It was a blissful and snowy day, and Cartman couldn't stop nagging about me not getting him a birthday present.

In reality, I didn't give him a present cause I really didn't know what to give him (he isn't really easy to please when it comes from me.) So I justified myself saying he didn't deserve it and 'why would I want to give anything to someone who's a egocentric selfish piece of shit?', which isn't entirely untrue either.

In all honesty I was already getting tired of Cartman's nagging so I decided to go to Walmart and purchase some pizza rolls and call it even.

But, I just couldn't help myself but to eye a nice ceramic shiny white tea set that was placed in display. I remembered how Cartman has always had a thing for that type of stuff, he loves tea and also loves to do tea parties (which was very embarrassing) but nonetheless was something I knew he liked and I just remembered how Cartman still kept his old tea set in use, he was probably not capable on just buying a new one.

That was the perfect damn present, okay? I didn't have a choice.

It wasn't too much of me to go into a competition of pottery crazy lovers and compete for some limited edition tea set made from some old japanese master they idolized as some god, just for Cartman.

Okay, I may had done a little too much effort, but I was determined on not losing against a bunch of geeks, alright? NOT just Cartman.

I limped tirelessly twoards Cartman's door step with a tea set in hands, knocked clumsy trying to not fall in the ground by my wobbly legs.

And just shoved it in Cartman's arms as he opened the door with pj's on, declaring it was already late at night when I had finished that whole ordeal.

'You better not break it fatass.'

And I left, hoping Cartman would stop complaining of my absent present once and for all.'

He smiled knowingly he did. Tracing with his finger a couple of scribbles down at the end edge were he remembered he tried venting out his feelings with out actually really ripping off the page he wrote just cause he was angrily embarrassed to admit how much he WANTED to get that tea set for Cartman.

How he knew it'll make him happy. How he'll love it.

And worse part of it all, he was right. Cartman loved it and he really didn't know what to feel everytime they'd go to his house and he’d see the set place in his table, so neatly place it looked intentional.

Prev

[zmediaoutlet]

One line any fic! Rules: pick ten of your fics, scroll to somewhere midpoint, pick a line chunk and share it, and then tag ten (-ish) people.

Got tagged, am bored, should remember how I used to write, let's try it, why not -- picking 10 somewhat at random from each page on ao3:

the apprentice year (sam/dean, 3k, rated m)

Are you dead. The sentence forms under Sam's tongue and he swallows it. If Dean doesn't know then asking won't help, and if he is then Sam's sunk the same way he's been for the last month. Are you real is the next question, but then if he's not real then that means Sam's crazy, and Sam knows from crazy and, really, if he is, this is the best crazy he could hope for.

Dean's looking at him, not smiling at all, now. I miss you, Dean says, unexpectedly. He flickers—like he did before, a projection cutting out—but he's shaking his head hard when he resolidifies. Shit. I don't—I don't know what that is. I don't get it. You're right here and I'm missing you. How does that work?

2. buccaneer (dean/crowley, 3k, rated e)

Deanna wakes up slowly, in the early evening. Crowley's sitting at the side of the bed, waiting for her. "Mm," is the noise she makes, and he raises his eyebrows, indulgent and curious. "We should have fun, tonight."

"What sort of fun?" he says. He slips his hand over her belly, where it's slightly soft. Too many years of burgers.

"I want—" she starts, and hums, thinking. "Music. Beer."

"Done," he says, and she grins at him, and then snakes a dangerously strong hand around his wrist, squeezes. He looks down at that, and back up at her face, and says, dry, "Unless you'd like something else, first."

3. have a cigar (sam/dean, 5k, rated e)

Dean rubs a hand up his stomach, smearing his own jizz over his belly and undershirt. His amulet's swung around on his neck, laying against the pillow. "Dude, that was sick," he says, but in a way that's weirdly admiring. Sam licks his lips, the remaining afterglow twisting in his belly. Dean lets his heels slip down the bed, his legs splayed around Sam, and he's red-faced still, but maybe that's just because they're both so—out there. Exposed. Even so, Dean touches his knee against Sam's hip, the corner of his mouth turned up. "Seriously. You're like a freight train when you get going, you know that?"

4. Campaign Events (jared/jensen, 8k, rated e)

Takes a minute for him to realize that as he's watching, he's being watched. He blinks, resurfaces, and Jensen's just—there. Right there, fully present inside the car, with his eyes on Jared's in the half-dark. His lips part, like he's going to say something, but he doesn't. The backseat isn't huge; Jared can feel the heat of him, an inch of space between their knees, both of them spreading out. Jensen's hand lifts off his thigh—white flash of it in the dark—and it hangs for a moment that has Jared's lungs frozen before it curls into a fist, and then Jensen lifts it to his own face, drags over his eyes, scrubs his cheek where the stubble's started to grow in, thick with the end of the day. Jared turns his head, stares sightless at the blurred hills, the tree-shapes and fences picked darker out of the dark, presses his fingertips to his mouth. What is he doing.

5. a long hard day, a long hard night (sam/dean, 38k, rated e)

"You know," Sam says, and clears his throat. He slides the beer aside and takes the mug. Sharp boozy smell—this isn't fine spirits. Just as well, not like he'd be able to taste it. He runs his thumb around the lipstick-red pattern on the rim. "I used to think we'd end up doing something normal? I wasn't even thinking about school, or—or marriage, or anything like that. Like somehow we could… step back, a little. Get a house, maybe straight jobs. Still go hunting, when someone needed us. Just, maybe one day we wouldn't have to deal with all the crazy." He shakes his head. Dean's watching him over the rim of his mug, his eyes steady. "Somehow something always comes along."

He takes a swallow. No flavor, of course not, but the heat of it's still sharp, alcohol flowing straight down to his gut. He licks his lips and it stings, just a little, where he's been chewing them.

"Well, we got a house," Dean says. He looks around at the kitchen, bright and familiar, and then slides his eyes back to Sam's. "And I can deal with crazy."

6. incursion (abaddon/dean, 3k, rated e)

The daze of inquisition rings hollow through his soul and he isn't fighting, isn't clawing back, but there's—something. Knowledge, somewhere deep. He thinks she's not going to win. She cocks their head, shuffles back to sit on the bed, the iron springs creaking under his weight, and pushes their fingers back into mess where the tattoo was, digging in harder to the slippery wet between skin and muscle. It makes the body quiver, trying frantically to get away from itself, and she holds it trammeled in place and curves all of it into him and sinks down and sees, now: the frantic pulsing scramble to save Sam, it didn't matter how—and before, grey woods full of fear and the joy of hunting through them, of winning, cleaving through like a knife—and before, Lucifer smiling with Sam's face like every nightmare he's ever had and swallowing, pushing down the revulsion and saying, Sammy—and before, and before, and she sinks down and down and down through this life, searching, spreading him apart on the rack of himself, until she finds it.

7. a stranger (sam/dean, 2k, rated m)

Behind his eyes the woods are grey and dangerous, familiar, and he looks instead at the lush green outside the window. Humid, here. The sun’s bright. The truck’s cab is cool with the steady hiss of A/C, not the constant absence of any kind of real life. It’s eleven hours to where Benny said his bones are planted, assuming Dean can catch a ride relatively soon once he escapes from Donald. Assuming he doesn’t have to mug anyone, or hustle someone. He doesn’t know if he can, if it comes to it. He feels like he might bite a guy’s dick off, cut his throat, before he’d earn a ride, and then what.

8. to make the sun stand still (sam/dean, s/d/benny, 11k, rated e)

That first time. After Purgatory, Sam had programmed his own number into Benny's phone, had handed it back to him in full view of Dean, said call anytime. He owed Benny more than he could say, and he'd carried his soul in his own body, poured him free of Purgatory and brought him to life same as Dean had. Hadn't been too much longer before they got the call, Benny needing help—not blood, not a rescue from another hunter. Just—contact. Someone to talk to. They'd piled into the car and driven out into the deep hills of Kentucky, Sam trying to hide how he kept trembling and trying not to puke in the passenger seat, Dean trying to pretend like he didn't notice, and met him at the lone motel on the outskirts of Hazard. Sam had watched Dean and Benny hug, like the best of friends—but Dean immediately stepped back and put his shoulder right next to Sam's, helping to hold him upright so he could shake Benny's hand without keeling over. Benny's eyes had gone sharp, looking Sam over, and Sam remembers so clearly the concerned look that he shot to Dean—concern for him, for them both. The old useless jealousy slithered away, then. They got a motel, and while Benny was in the shower washing off the dirt of living on the road Sam pulled Dean close and kissed him, hard, hoping Dean couldn't taste the old blood at the back of his tongue—wondering if Benny could smell it—and when he'd released Dean, gasping, he'd said if you want—if you still— and Dean had blinked up at him in shock and denied it, but Sam knew his brother, knew when he was denying himself something to spare Sam feelings. He'd said it won't change anything, will it? and Dean had said no, Sammy, but—and Sam had shrugged, even if he was still uneasy, said, Zeppelin's all you need, but sometimes you want a little Styx too, right? and Dean had stood there with his mouth open, his throat and cheeks flushing dark, and finally he'd said I'm telling Benny you just compared him to Styx, but his hand was tight in Sam's, and that's how Sam knew it was okay.

9. event horizon (mary & her sons, 4k, gen)

She’s sitting at the war table. The map of the world is lit from within. There are so many places, she thinks. Places she’ll never go. John has been to a lot more, but he doesn’t like to talk about that. She doesn’t blame him. She doesn’t like to talk about the stink when a body gets burned, the way it makes her hungry and repulsed at the same time. She doesn’t talk about the way her dad’s mouth tasted. He thinks she’s overreacting whenever they get a rotten egg and she throws up in the sink. For a while, she could blame it on morning sickness.

10. In the Bleak Midwinter (sam&dean, 2k, rated t)

Sam's about to retort, but stops, lips barely parted over a shaky breath. Dean's eyes are glazed, but now they look wet, not just—

"So I'd be dead, I mean, that's okay," Dean continues, tongue still shaping the words slurry and stumbling, but he just keeps going. "And you'd—you'd go on, maybe living in the bunker, with—with Kevin, and Cas could've stayed, wouldn't have made him run away. You guys woulda been fine."

He finally stops, looks down at the bottle of rum. It's a few seconds of quiet, and Sam forces himself to look away, blinks hard at the snowed-out road outside. It's so Dean, so goddamn Dean all over, talking about him dying like it'd be easier, like everyone would be better off if he just weren't—and Sam would be pissed at the same old self-sacrificing bullshit, he'd be giving in to the very real desire he's currently feeling to punch him in his idiot face, but. He's too drunk to be trying manipulation. This is honesty. He closes his eyes and flashes right back to that warm hallway, that ridiculous house, Dean wanting him old and bald, smiling a little when he talks about a picture without him in it.

and just for fun bc this is a tumblr game without scorekeepers, going to do a #11 bc I've got 11 pages of fics and this is the first one I ever posted on AO3:

11. Indeterminacy (thor/loki, loki/various, 8k, rated m)

After the explosion comes a hail of tiny frozen shards, which when examined are revealed to be fragments of smooth, gray stone. The empty plinth at the top of the tower stands empty and though the Allfather turns his face away Thor waits atop it for a long, long time, because it was in this place that his brother never was, where Thor never looked in through the window, where he never saw his brother’s face bleed of all color until he was white and black and a faint rime of frost, and though Thor wanted to he never tried to get in, because he was assured that only a crack in the universe itself would break Loki from this prison. At last, one evening as he stands on the plinth it begins to snow, and he turns away, because if he knows anything about his little brother it is that a minor thing like altering the structure of the cosmos could never stop him.

Well that was kinda fun. Now I should tag people, so I'm tagging people, and in the way this was a blast from the past let's do that with the tagging too, why not -- @hellhoundsprey, @silver9mm, @themegalosaurus, @winchestersinthedrift, @whiskeycherrypie, @alulaspeaks, @stillwaterseas, @wetsammywinchester, @lizblogging

[acecasinova]

Hullo!!! I hope it's not too late for this sorry but if you're still up for the ask meme

🍼, 🍎, 🥂 and 🥑 for Lazarus? :D

I am ALWAYS down to answer OC questions~~ (And I love my horrible, terrible lil vamp lol)

🍼 [BABY BOTTLE] What's your OC's first memory? I don't think Lazarus can definitely say this is his first memory, since it resurfaced while he was asleep (and I let the DM be wholly in charge of what happened to him before he came through the Mists) but.... The earliest memory he might have was of being led into a room with about a dozen people standing around a magical circle. He was brought to the center of the circle, then blacked out, and when the memory resumed, everyone had collapsed and he and the circle were COVERED in blood. (And definitely of no consequence, we got solid evidence that Lazarus is an eldritch, non-standard type of vampire that feeds on other vampires [and actually physically grows and sprouts red kudzu from the corpse in the process of doing so] who, according to Esmeralda, should NOT be able to Embrace/Turn others, but uh.... they sure seem to have made Lazarus somehow) Before he had that revelation though and the earliest concrete memory he has is in the woods outside of Valaki, the wolf he'd just killed still warm as he drained its lifeblood. No thoughts beyond what cave or tree he might sleep in that night.

🍎 [RED APPLE] Who does your OC value above all else? He's actually weirdly loyal for someone who's chaotic evil, but there are PRECIOUS few people he's actually loyal TO, so it seems to work out lmfao. Might makes Right has really always been what he values most (ish) but Strahd and one of his Iron Nails (dm turned the Wives into SCARY paladins) pretty thoroughly broke him and their strength and HOW they did it just,,,, doesn't sit right as "earned". What he REALLY values most but can't or won't put into words is freedom and he's kinda taken it to the extreme of wanting freedom from society as a whole (Not particularly achievable, esp as he's being dragged kicking and screaming into personhood lol)

🥂 [GLASS CHEERS] What is your OC's 'aesthetic?' He's SO GRUNGY. Sleeping in the same clothes you've had for years, stained with mud and blood that's so ground in it's basically part of the fabric now. Dirty claws always out, hair hastily pulled away from his eyes but still wild Very "Lost Boys"type vampire- if Barovia had denim and safety pins he's be all OVER that stuff~

🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad? Murder is fine, actually? Lazarus doesn't exactly have qualms about being called bad or evil or anything like that, because..... he is tbh. But he also likes to argue that he doesn't need to have morals or listen to them, because he's a monster, not a person and morals are for PEOPLE. He's SUPER insistent on this, actually, and REALLY stubborn about claiming to not be a "person". That might actually change if the party is determined enough, but I don't think they'll ever get him to let go of the idea that a lot of the time murder IS the answer and you can't go your whole life NOT killing if you're going to claim you're a strong person.

[cherryeol04]

Stray Kids Playing Minecraft~

A/n: I hope you all enjoy, and if you liked, please leave a like! 💖💖💖💖

Tags: @straysrachaa @lordseochangbin @channiesmixtape @starryseung​ @felixsanxchatbot @jisungsjheekies​ @mrbangchannie

Chan

- doesn't know almost anything about Minecraft the first time around but he plays with you to make you happy

- you have to baby him for a while

- BUT THEN!

- He goes and learns about the game in his free time

- and then he pleasantly surprises you now that you he doesn't suck anymore

- and most peculiar of all

- he got really interested in redstone

- boi can make some INVENTIONS

- His house is like, fully automated - farm and all

- it makes you jealous but also very proud

- a pretty big pacifist

- shears, veggies and bread is all he needs

- he still big soft baby but he smart baby now

- also, would totally run around with a pumpkin on his head if you could still wear them in the latest version

Lee Know

- would kill everything that moves

- would hoard all the meat and refuse to give you any

- deforestation at its finest

- king of surplus

- playing with him is actually playing by yourself cuz he goes off on his own

- builds himself a goddamn empire!

- and no one knows where it is

- if he catches you inside his house without permission: shoot first, ask questions never

- mobs fear him, not the other way around

- will give you items cuz you're a charity cause

- actually shares when you both go mining though

- but let's face it, he's just OP

- would try to get all the cats

- totally to chase away creepers

- not because he wants an army of them or anything

- gets annoyed that he has to constantly fish because the cats keep taking them but won't be tamed by him

- he totally did not search for mine shafts just for name tags to name his cats

- DO NOT HURT HIS CATS

- or he'd cancel you in-game and irl too

Changbin

- would be super excited to play Minecraft with his friends

- he would be the first on the server to scout out the land and get resources

- however, no one warned him about night fall

- and all the creepy, scary things that spawned

- changbin lives in the ground now

- he dug a hole at the base of the mountain to take refuge during the night and never looked back

- normal person? No way! He was a mole now!

- the best at mining and interior rock design

- he would only resurface to seek out food and animals

- it was Changbin who stole all the cows and sheep, so you couldn't find them for felix

- he would have three large pins just next to his mountain

- lots of cows, rainbow sheep and pigs with saddles

- " uh...so I found these pins of animals and like...no house?"

- "What?"

- "I think the magical Minecraft fairy spawned it into the world?"

- "It's super weird. But I'm gonna kill some cows for their leather"

- "DON'T YOU TOUCH MY COWS!"

- and to your shock, a secret door in the mountain opens and Changbin comes running out

- the door made courtesy of Chan

- "He's got a diamond sword already?!?"

- it's the last thing you scream as he kills you for being near his cows

- and after a round of feeding and breeding, he disappears back into his hole

Hyunjin

- would only be about building

- he would be the first one to have a diamond pickaxe just so he could mine cobblestone faster

- would also get efficiency V just so he could speed run through the mines

- would wander through different biomes for days to collect clay so he could make concrete

- and while you're busy actually playing the game, he would beg for you to pick flowers on your trip so he can dye the concrete different colors

- his first house would be a mansion

- but he would give up half way because he kept falling off the roof and dying

- would forget he is actually playing the game and would get scared when night falls and mobs start spawning in his unlit house

- not like you didn't tell him countless times to put down torches

- but he kept saying they ruined his aesthetic

- but now he keeps dying because mobs are literally waiting at his spawn point, killing him over and over and over again

- and he begs you to set the time to day and kill the mobs for him

- but you just laugh uncontrollably at him because karma really is a bitch

- but in the end, he ends up making an entire city, and invites the others to come and play on the server.

Jisung

- would be just like Chan

- a pure ass baby when it comes to playing minecraft, but super eager to play the game

- his first spawn would be in the middle of the night (because of server)

- and you would try to tell him to not leave the safety of spawn, but he just wouldn't listen

- "Listen, Y/n, I know what I'm doing! I'm a pro at this!"

- and he would run confidently into the night, like the actual idiot that he is

- he wouldn't get too far before he was attacked by all the mobs and got killed

- "Well that was just rude!"

- "Oh my god Jisung, I told you not to do it."

- "Well how was I supposed to know they were going to kill me?!"

- and you can only shake your head at his stupidity

- he would eventually wait until daytime, but unfortunately all of his items would be lost due to despawning

- it's not like either one of you were equipped to go and retrieve his items

- zombies sucked man! And skeletons are the worst!

- but with a new day comes a new adventure and you both head out to find a place to call home

- Jisung would run the entire way, even though he had no food to keep his hunger up

- he also wouldn't be paying attention to where he was going and would fall into a hole

- a very BIG hole

- 'J.One fell from a high place'

- "Really Jisung?"

- "I couldn't see it!"

- playing with Jisung would be a very challenging task, because he would never learn

- because by the time he had diamond armor and ready to fight the wither, he would have fallen from fifteen cliffs, twenty holes in caves and three ravines

- "Jisung if you die one more time I swear to god!"

- 'J.One fell from a high place'

- "That's it! I quit!"

Felix

- You would be so hyped to play with Felix

- You've seen him play other games, so you knew he'd be great at minecraft

- Getting the server had been his idea, the easiest way everyone could play together

- First day of spawn, Felix would already be listing off the things that you would need to accomplish

- wood, cobblestone, iron, seeds, sheep

- it was all just so overwhelming

- by the time you make your first complete set of wooden tools, felix would have iron tools already

- he'd been ten feet underground, digging for more resources while tasking you to find the animals for food, wool and feathers

- easier said then done

- and when he resurfaces and you don't have animals, he would simply sigh and go do it himself

- which would upset you because you would spend hours looking for just one god damn cow

- meanwhile, Felix would take five steps in one direction and come across hundreds of cows!!!

- WHERE DID ALL THESE COWS COME FROM?!?!?

- he'd travel the whole map just to find a jungle to get coco beans

- seriously though, how did he find the fucking jungle?

- it like doesn't exist

- except it does and Minho most likely lives there with all his cats

- Also, there's pandas!!!!!

- Felix would try and tame a panda, even though it's not possible

- When not trying to show off, Felix would be in his crappy little hut (cause hyunjin was still making the city), making cookies and cakes because why wouldn't he?

- at least he shares, unlike someone.....

- Felix would be absolutely unstoppable at the game, while you struggle to get to iron level armor (while trying to keep Jisung alive)

- Felix would have just a big ego

- it's okay though. One strike from Seungmin's sword and he'd be put back into his place

- Revenge is a dish best served Seungmin.

Seungmin

- the worst of the worst

- he would be the one to pretend to not know the game

- but really, he would be a minecraft expert

- read: troll

- every chance he would get, Seungmin would try to do something to ruin your day

- don't ever go mining with him. EVER!

- he would be the one to lead over a creeper to you in a ravine while you're trying to mine diamonds, right next to a lava pool

- the first one to explode wouldn't do any damage, thankfully

- "Don't you dare bring a creeper over here!"

- "I wouldn't."

- somehow, you wouldn't be convinced

- but you decided to trust him

- y/n clown

- you're just mining away at the diamond when a big explosion happens

- and you notice two things

- 1. the diamonds and the surrounding area were blown up

- 2. you were now in the pool of lava, dying

- meanwhile, Seungmin was running away, cackling like the evil little shit that he was

- the holy terror, that's what they would call him

- he would purposefully go out and fight creepers just to gather their gunpowder so he could make dynamite

- no one was safe from him

- except Minho

- because no one knew where he was

I.N.

- Jeongin would spend at least two days researching things for the game before actually playing

- he would want to have some knowledge before walking into hell that was the Stray Kids server

- it's okay though, because everyone loves Jeongin

- really, he wouldn't need to do a thing

- diamond armor, enchanted? check

- enchanted weapons? check

- his own cat and dog? double check

- everyone would do anything for this baby

- but Jeongin isn't one to mooch *coughJisungcough*

- even with all his presents, he would still start with the basics of punching a tree

- while others have found this skills in cooking, mining, falling into holes, redstone and building

- jeongin would be more interested in potions and enchanting

- YOU'RE A WIZARD INNIE!

- Jeongin would quickly master potion brewing

- even if it meant battling the scary blazes in the nether

- huh, so that's why Changbin was screaming so much

- he would be hired by Minho to make him potions of breathing so he could go claim an ocean monument

- Jeongin would only do it if he could help

- surprisingly Minho agrees and for the first time in 84 years, everyone gets to see Minho's character

[one-boring-person]

Can I Help You?

Paul (The Lost Boys) x Gay!male reader

Warnings: very vague mentions of violence, mentions of homophobia

Context: After being kicked out o his home by his father, (Y/n) finds himself at the Boardwalk, where a certain vampire offers him some comfort.

A/N: I've had this rattling around in my head for days, so I thought I'd write it out. I'm sorry if it isnt that great, I'm new to writing this sort of a character and I was a little sketchy on how Paul would react in this situation.

My feet ache from use as I trail onto the Boardwalk after a couple of hours of aimless wandering, my mind numbed after being encompassed by grief for so long, dried tears streaking my cheeks. No one gives me a second glance, not a care in the world given to the eighteen year old boy limping around the streets with a tattered rucksack strapped to his back, his jacket stained by the beer his father threw at him when he was kicked out. No, not a care in the world.

I tighten my fingers around the strap of my bag, trying to adjust the weight a little more evenly across my back, my shoulders protesting painfully as I try to mingle with the crowd, ignoring the bustling people around me with the intention of finding a place to sit for a while and think up a plan as to what the hell I'm supposed to do. In my ears, the cacophony of voices and tinny music is loud and harsh, especially after the shouting matches I  took part in, not too long ago, a wince escaping me as a particularly rowdy surfer yells out to his friends from behind me. Starting, I manage to bump into someone behind me, who instinctively pushes me back with an angry curse, causing me to blurt out a rushed apology before I dart away from them, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Already, I can feel the tears resurfacing, their heated droplets threatening to spill out over my cheeks as I do my best to force them down again, a choking sensation rising in my throat. Stopping in my tracks, I frantically look around, disorientated with all the people pushing and shoving past me, the sounds all blurring into one as my vision does the same, panic and fear rising within me as I try to calm myself down, breathing heavily. Instinctually, I manage to work my way out of the crowd, my hands grasping at the low wall that separates the beach from the Boardwalk, my head tucked to my chest as I try my best to calm my erratic breathing  and pounding heartbeat, focusing on the sensation of each gasp of air flowing in and out of my lungs.

Eventually, I find myself sitting on the floor, leaning back against the wall behind me, my head thrown back to maximise the passage of air into my body, my rucksack cradled on my lap, the straps wrapped tightly around my fingers - a nervous habit I've never managed to shake. Sweat coats my forehead, my hair sticking to my skin uncomfortably even as I lift a hand to brush it away, more strands falling into place to replace the ones I move. Thankfully, my senses have returned to normal, though my resolve has once again broken, the tears of anger, betrayal and grief dripping steadily down my damp cheeks, leaving small spots on my denim jacket as they fall off my jaw, making me look as though I were in my own little raincloud of misery. For a while I stay sat there, drowning myself in my sorrows, wishing I had a bottle of hard alcohol to help me forget, even if the solution is only temporary, my mind aching and longing for relief.

I barely notice when someone sits next to me, only really looking up when they clear their throat, finding myself face to face with a familiar, handsome blonde, with a mess of hair on his head and warm blue eyes taking in my appearance, his lanky frame folding up neatly, yet somehow languidly at the same time, beside mine. On any over day, I would've spent hours just staring at someone as good looking as he is.

"C-can I h-help you?" I force out, my voice cracking with barely concealed emotion.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" The blonde responds, smirking gently at me, even though I don't return the gesture.

"If you want to, I guess." I say, frowning a bit in confusion, my arms tightening around my rucksack out of habit.

"Well then, can I help you?" He pushes, his smirk becoming an encouraging smile instead, "What happened?"

"Why do you care? No one else does." I sigh, bitterly, a little suspicious of his behaviour.

"Beacuse I hate seeing sweet people like you in pain." He replies, eyes softening when he notices the blush creeping onto my cheeks from the compliment.

"How do you know I'm sweet? I could be a monster." I point out, looking over at him.

Surprisingly, he chuckles at this, the sound sparking an odd feeling in my stomach, as if someone housed a hundred butterflies inside me.

"Trust me, you're no monster." He reassures me, his expression taking on a knowing look as I give him an unsure one, "And as for being sweet, I've seen you around here before, with your boyfriend, and there are very few people who I would consider sweeter. Speaking of which where is he?"

At the reminder, I look down, my heart wrenching painfully as I recall my last conversation with him.

"...you're worthless, (Y/n), so I'm ending it. Don't come near me ever again, unless you want me to show you how pathetic you really are."

He'd slammed the door on me then, but not after throwing our anniversary gift at me from the threshold, the little bracelet I bought him clattering against the hard ground at my feet, my heart tearing itself to pieces.

"Hey, what's wrong? What did I do?" My newfound companion breaks me from my thoughts, his voice laced with panic and concern, a hand placed hesitantly against my arm as he leans forwards to look me in the eye, his other hand coming around to cup my face. I blink away the tears before replying.

"You...you didn't do anything..." I manage to grit out between sobs, collecting myself enough to give him an answer, "He broke up with me, and then my dad threw me out. I've got nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I'm alone."

At my confession, his blue eyes cloud with shock and horror, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tries to respond.

"Why'd your dad throw you out?" He asks me quietly, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my skin.

"Because I'm gay." I admit, looking down until he tilts my head back up to him, a determined look in his eyes.

"That doesn't make you a bad person. You are who you are, and it's his fault for not being able to see that. As for your ex, he'll soon realise he's missing out on a lifetime of greatness with you, and by then, it'll be too late for him to make amends. And if you need a place to stay and a friend to get you through it all, well, I'm here aren't I?"

Shock and surprise fill me at his offer, my mind already reeling at his show of kindness, my heart aching to go with him.

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose..."

"Of course! There's plenty of space back home for one more tenant, though you'll have to deal with my friends and the fact that "home" is not necessarily the sort of thing you'd expect..." He confirms, sitting back on his heels as he waits for a reply, smiling at me.

"Well, if you're sure it's ok, then I'd love to come with you." I agree somewhat hesitantly, a little nervous after having only just meeting him.

"Of course. There is one condition, though."

"What is it?" I ask, hoping I'll be able to abide by this, and it won't be too costly.

"I'll need to take your name."

"My na...? Oh, yeah, of course. I'm (Y/n)." I respond, relief flooding my voice as I take his outstretched hand, blushing when he lifts it to his face and kisses my knuckles, shooting me a mischievous grin.

"Paul. It's nice to finally meet you." He says to me, helping me to my feet with a gentle pull, "You ever ridden a motorcycle before?"

"Err, I can't say I have, no."

"Well, there's a first time for everything. You just have to hold on. Tight." The blonde smirks, tugging me along to where a black and red motorcycle is leaning against the railing, a few tyre tracks around it showing where there were other bikes around it.

"O-k." I reply slowly, gingerly climbing up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist with some trepidation.

"We'll be home before you know it." And with that, the tall blonde lets out an ecstatic shriek as he kicks the engine into gear, the motorcycle swiftly jumping into motion. Despite my terror, a cautious grin creeps onto my face as we hurtle off onto the road and into a better future.

[snippets-of-our-so-called-love]

Nalilito ako. Nandito kasi ako ngayon sa point na deep down inside, I'm asking myself if you're really someone I want to spend the rest of my days with. I'm sorry if it sounded too harsh for an opening sentence, but if I am to write you an all-sweet and perfect love letter for our anniversary, then I'm not being completely honest.

Sorry kung sa dinami-dami ng oras natin na magkasama at magkausap, hindi ko magawang ma-share 'to sa'yo. Siguro kasi gusto ko lang din iwasan na makatanggap ng negative reaction. At least when I write it as a letter, there's no way for me to know.

There are times na I try hard to keep my thoughts to myself out of the fear that you'll find it somewhat illogical. Dahil na lang din siguro sa pagkakaiba ng personalities natin. For this reason, I must confess na may mga pagkakataon na I feel distant.

I don't know what's happening and I'm not sure what this is. Pero sometimes I can see myself holding back. When I try to openly express my opinion, sa simula pa lang I can already sense your desire to separate my emotions from my reasons. So I end up thinking what's the point.

At night I try to reflect my thoughts about you, about me, about us. I just couldn't imagine how our worlds could be so familiar yet so different. I wanted to be mature enough to respect our boundaries and personal preferences, but somehow I feel like I am becoming my own villain in the process. The hardest part is letting values and morals take over so I won't make the same mistake of being too controlling.

Anyway, I just want to let you know that I'm really trying hard. There are moments when it feels like there's no way for me to please you. And I know for some aspect, you've been feeling the same way towards me, too. I feel guilty whenever I imagine what you're going through just to deal with me. Then i think about how easier it could've been for you if you're with someone more mature, no emotional baggage, or just better as a person.

I fear the day where we slowly grow tired of each other's stubborn ways.

I just hope that some time in the future, we can learn to align our thoughts. Yung walang nasasaktan, walang napipilitan. I wish we can resolve our arguments, as in yung may resolution and not just push it away until it resurfaces.

Yun lang.