#realizing that i can just post wips here. because it's tumblr. how wonderful

[ray-botic]

wip. working on some stark sibs.

[laurfilijames]

All week I told myself that on Sunday, I was going to write all day.

I opened my laptop up for the first time in two weeks. I haven't written a word since I finished editing Expensive and tried for over an hour to work on my series Like My Dreams.

I thought about it all week and have been so eager to continue it, only the words won't come.

I know it's not for lack of passion or wanting to; I think about this story (and all the other ones) constantly.

I've been trying to deny some feelings for a while, or chalk it up to getting too much in my own head, but today it's come down heavier than ever and what is ultimately responsible for blocking my creativity and turning my love for my stories from thoughts into actual sentences.

I'm lonely.

I've never felt so alone.

The Charlie fandom seems to be relatively non existent, or just extremely quiet.

I have no space. No where I fit in.

I'm on the outskirts, trying to find a spot, constantly seeing if there is a way I can have a place for my ideas, stories, and even friendship, and have it hold some value to the others I'm around.

The more I post on here, the less I feel seen.

Engagement on this platform has reduced drastically across the board, and it's effecting so many artists.

It's not about numbers. I'm sure some of you are probably thinking "your last fic has over 100 notes". Yeah. It does. Almost all of those notes are likes, and more than half the reblogs are my own.

What I'm seeking is engagement. Conversation. A likeness and kinship started by a common interest that blooms into simple conversations and thoughts shared.

Comparison is a bitch. I see so many people living the Tumblr life I wish to have. Asks, comments, reblogs of teasers and moodboards for upcoming fics screaming of excitement and praise and how eager they are to read it. People dropping everything they're doing to read the latest chapter of their friend's new fic.

I realize the many reasons why I'm in a different position than they are, but lately it's been screaming at me louder than ever that I'm lacking something meaningful or whatever I'm doing on here isn't enough.

I've tried creating a buzz around my stories. I am aware that most of the time I write for unpopular characters with a smaller fan base, so I set the bar lower but am still left feeling inadequate even when I write for the popular ones. Whenever I've shared snippets of WIPs in hopes to gain some excitement from my readers, it falls short. Usually it'll inspire me to keep going, to write better than ever and make this next fic The Best One that makes me so happy and excited to get out. (For Charlie, I'll say, and write something I'm so unbelievably proud of) and then sometimes it makes me wonder if I should bother continuing at all.

I know I am not owed anything by anyone and no one is obligated to read or comment or anything of the sort, and I am beyond grateful for the comments and support I do receive, and the friendships I've made, old and new.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm getting at here, I just needed to write it down and "talk" it out.

I've been battling the decision to continue writing but not share it. I don't want that to happen, because as much as I write these stories for myself, a lot of the fun of it comes from being able to share it with all of you.

Nothing dramatic is happening. I'm not leaving, and I will be writing again because I'm not at all done with what I have to say about these characters, I just felt this needed to be said and already feel a little lighter by sharing it.

Write your stories, comment on your favourite fics, scream with your mutuals about a photo or gif that inspired something in you, tell your writer friends and writers you've never spoken to but love their stories just how much you do... I promise it makes more of an impact than you know. 💗

[dystopicjumpsuit]

WIP Poll Snippet!

You voted, and I am here to deliver! Here are twenty-three twenty-six (because I have no self-control) sentences from "A Match for Mayday," coming soon to @tcwmatchmakingau. Pairing is Mayday x flower farmer!reader.

His eyes have a faraway expression, and you wonder what horrors he’s seen to make him look so karking tired. He doesn’t continue, and you don’t prod him. Instead, you wordlessly watch the sun paint the sky in a wash of pastel. As the light fades and the dusk creeps in, the two of you exchange occasional desultory remarks, but mostly you sit in companionable silence, drinking slowly and simply enjoying each other’s nearness.

He’s waiting for you the next night, too, and the one after. Each evening, you open up more to him, and the two of you spend hours speaking quietly into the night. You tell him that your favorite flowers, fire lilies, are unpopular with buyers, so you grow a patch of them just for yourself. He confesses that he’s never seen one, so you lead him through the twilight into the garden. In the fading purple light, the fragrance of the lilies surrounds you in a heady cloud.

“May I pick one?” he asks.

“Of course,” you reply. 

Most people don’t bother to ask, and you never realized how much it bothered you until Mayday’s courtesy reminds you that you have a right to say no. He plucks a blossom carefully, reverently, making sure not to damage the rest of the plant. 

“They’re beautiful,” he says quietly. “I can see why they’re your favorite. Why don’t buyers like them?”

“They don’t last long once they’re picked,” you reply. “It makes transporting them tricky.”

“Then I’m sorry I picked this one,” he says.

“Don’t be,” you reply. “There will be more tomorrow.”

The sun has fully set now, and his dark eyes reflect the pale light of the moons. He examines the blossom closely, taking in the graceful curves of the petals, the speckled pattern at the center, the delicate filaments of the stamens. His eyes rise to your face, and his hands follow nearly unconsciously. His knuckles brush subtly against your cheek as he tucks the flower into your hair. Your mouth suddenly feels very dry, and you swallow without meaning to.

“Beautiful,” he repeats.

---

Join my tag list here

Tagging (gonna try this in the main post to see if the Tumblr tagging gods are smiling upon me today): @secondaryrealm @blueink-bluesoul @spicy-clones @wings-and-beskar @523rdrebel @merkitty49 @anxiouspineapple99 @sinfulsalutations @arcsimper5 @starrylothcat @clio3kantarella @cloneloverrrrr @goblininawig @ladytano420 @arctrooper69 @wolffegirlsunite @sunshinesdaydream @mandos-mind-trick @littlemissmanga @stunkbiggu @starqueensthings @clonemedickix @marierg @idontgetanysleep

[shootingstarpilot]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Thanks for the tag, @merlyn-bane!

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

Eight!

2.) What's your ao3 word count?

217,911

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

*sobbing* Star Wars, my beloved. The brainrot is real; I am consumed. When I was still on FF.net, though, I had stuff up in Harry Potter and How to Train Your Dragon.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

back then, i was dauntless

how to bring him home

if i don't make it back (from where i've gone)

though some would harm you

like lightning changing hands

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I absolutely do! I feel bad because I know I've gotten some lovely comments on chapters that aren't the most recent one, and those tend to get lost in the inbox, but I promise I'm working on it- if you get a response from a comment you left a year and a half ago, don't hold it against me 😅

I do it because I want so badly to build community here! I love getting comments from people, responding to something with a wee hint of a tease because I'm AWFUL and then getting a keysmash of a response and then exchanging snippets in the comments, truly, it fills me with delight- and I've met some absolutely wonderful people who I got introduced to by responding to comments-

Anyway. Community. That.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh. Hm. Hm.

I... guess it would have to be though some would harm you? Although I'm not sure if I feel confident in that designation, because it's very much part of a multi-work series. And I'm too much of a sucker for happy endings to write a stand-alone fic that doesn't have one, I think.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, neural plasticity, for sure! Short and sweet <3

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

A bit. I can brush off the "actually the Jedi were the real monsters" assholes easily enough, but honestly, the comments that hit the hardest are the ones that clearly come from people who think they're offering ✨constructive criticism.✨ Not only because I didn't ask for it, but also because saying my work is "fatiguing" or "I'm sure there's a decent story here, but it's being buried under what you're trying to do with it-" there's nothing constructive there.

Side note: the person who left that last comment deleted it about half an hour later, because when I went to reply, it had vanished from my inbox. I don't know if they did that because they didn't want me to be able to reply, or if they realized that what they said was unhelpful and mean, but if they ever happen to see this-

I still got the email, prick.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Write? No, I haven't quite worked up the panache to try. Reading, on the other hand...

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do have snippets of one crossover that I actually posted in an anonymous collection, ha- an old BBC Merlin/ Good Omens/ Supernatural fic that I dug out of my old documents. Other than that, no- unless you count the Prequels and the Clone Wars as different enough to qualify as a crossover.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I know of- very much open to it, though!

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Since I don't think taking drabbles in tumblr chats to ridiculous lengths counts, I'd have to say no- I'd like to, though!

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

Codywan. Fiercely, unwaveringly Codywan.

Just to reinforce this- 292 of my bookmarks consist of Cody/Obi-Wan. The next most common romantic pairing (Aziraphale/Crowley) has less than half that, at 121.

I'm a goner, and I can't even bring myself to regret it.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

OKAY SO I've written snippets of a modern AU focusing on Helix, Needle and Stitch, and I'm totally gonna take this opportunity to rage about it. I'm probably never gonna finish it, but it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling, so, hey- what else is fic for, really, if not for indulging yourself?

At first, it's just Needle and Stitch. It's just been the two of them, for as long as Stitch can remember. Needle's only a few years older than him, but he's raised him, kept him in school, kept a roof over their heads and food on the table-

Food on Stitch's plate, at least.

Then, one night, Needle does not come home.

A hit-and-run, the nurse tells him, although the words will not trickle through until much later. A coma.

He will not, they say patiently, come home for some time.

(There is so much that needs doing.)

Helix, meanwhile, is studying physical therapy at the local community college and working part-time at his brother Ace's bakery.

It's during one of these shifts that a skinny little twerp comes in and hands him a job application.

(Rent and bills and Needle Needle Needle-)

It doesn't take Helix long to realize something is... off.

Ace tells him not to push it, but-

The kid's a good worker. Great, as a matter of fact. He's never late. Stays past closing, too, if they've had a rush. He tells Helix about his brother and nothing else.

(His brother hasn't come to visit.)

Everything that's not sold at the end of the day gets packaged up and given out. They only toss in the dumpster what's really, truly inedible- stuff that got dropped in the kitchen, scraps left over from customers-

He thinks it's raccoons, at first, until he peers in and sees Stitch flatten himself against a heap of bags in the corner.

They package up leftovers for him, after that. A bit more than leftovers, maybe. Ace sets aside sandwiches. Helix buys him a thermos and tells him it's been in the lost and found for over a year. They make sure he eats.

(Needle's getting transferred out of the ICU.)

Stitch is trying. He's doing everything he can, and more besides. But Needle's life is too expensive and he's buckling under the weight.

(He hasn't even grieved. Not really. No room. No time.)

Eventually, something has to give.

He does.

(He hadn't expected someone to be there to catch him.)

Featuring:

Helix stumbling into adopting first one, then two idiot kids

Ace being a supportive brother

Needle finding his way home

Mace Windu as Needle's (unfairly attractive, Helix thinks) neurologist

Obi-Wan as a hospital social worker who gets assigned Needle's file

Cody as Obi-Wan's husband, Helix's cousin, and children's book author (Stitch's favorite)

(listen I am WEAK for author!Cody, truly)

(Helix was totally the one who got them together and he regrets it every day of his life.)

Sheev Palpatine as the epitome of the evil of the American healthcare system

The Melidaan crew running a long-term, non-profit care facility that offers both in-patient and out-patient rehab services

16.) What are your writing strengths?

(I'VE PUT TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS. SHIT.)

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I am, apparently, really good at writing breakdowns. >:3

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Dialogue does not come easily to me. I have to work a bit to hit my stride. But I think it turns out well enough!

Hm. Coming from a purely technical perspective here, I think the reader should be able to understand everything that's spoken in a fic. If a character says something in another language, then I think the best way to convey that is, "X muttered something Y didn't catch," or, if the listener recognizes that it's at least in another language, "X muttered something in French."

If the reader should understand it, then something along the lines of: "'I knew we shouldn't have trusted him,' X muttered in French."

If the POV character doesn't understand the language, it doesn't make sense to provide the reader with a perfect transliteration of what the other character is saying. The character wouldn't have that knowledge. It can really take me out of the fic when two characters suddenly start conversing in written-out sentences in another language, and I have to scroll all the way down to the footnotes for translations.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

But then again, that's just my opinion- I'm sure others have their own thoughts on this!

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

Harry Potter.

Hell, I have to say like lightning changing hands, if only because whatever fic I'm writing at the moment is my favorite. It's the act of creation that does it for me!

(Also because it's such a good opportunity to explore so many relationship dynamics.)

No-pressure tags for @jedi-enthusiast, @themonopolyhat, @shadow-pixelle, and @foreverchangingfandomsao3!

[rebelrebelwrites]

Fic Friday! ❤️ Rebel's Weekly Fic Recs

This week's recs are...

As always, please mind the tags on any recommended story for your own personal preferences.

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The Classic You’ve Heard Of But Somehow Haven’t Read Yet: That Which Lies Across the Sea by EisforEverything

What you need to know going in:

Mmm, this fic. Part of a larger series called Use Well the Days (also primarily all WIP) that follows Mairon's story from his fall to his days with Galadriel and beyond, this fic is the last in the series, and it sees Sauron following Galadriel to Valinor after the end of LOTR. Humbling himself before the Valar, he seeks something if not true redemption. Meanwhile, the rest of Valinor chafes at his return, and without saying too much, there are repercussions to his—and everyone's—actions in Middle-earth. This ruminative, spellbinding story is rich with lore and just rich in general; a sumptuous feast of a fic you can sink your teeth into. Galadriel and Mairon's moments together are potent, but it's not just them. Prepare for heady altercations with many of your Tolkien favorites here.

WIP, Explicit

Read the story.

Follow the author on AO3.

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The AU You Need to Immerse Yourself In Because, Well, Wow: A Stressed Tiding by @formerlyir

What you need to know going in:

-fans self- THIS FIC, let me tell you... was one of the first I read in this fandom, and hot damn, what a way to dive into Saurondriel/Haladriel. I've recommended @formerlyir's fics before, and will again because they're stupendously written and well-realized, but this one holds a special place in my heart for its steamy-as-all-hell premise and smut. A one-shot, post-S1 in which Galadriel offers Sauron a tantalizing deal: one night and one day together if they both don't participate in their impending battle—to help her turn the tide of the war, of course. 👀 This is seriously Saurondriel at my absolute favorite: brimming with angst and enemies-to-lovers-but-basically-still-enemies and 🔥🔥🔥 smut? Burning hot.

Complete, Explicit

Read the story.

Follow the author on Twitter, Instagram, and on AO3.

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The Complete But Never Forgotten Masterpiece: Through Peril and Fire by @yletylyf

What you need to know going in:

I struggled between picking between this fic and another I'm reading of @yletylyf's as they're both wonderful, but decided I should start with this completed fic! Post-S1, Galadriel follows Sauron to Mt. Doom, and facing a threat larger than their current conflict with each other, they team up (with help from some of our other Tolkien favorites) to save Middle-earth together. What struck me most about this fic is just how damn delightful it is. Don't get me wrong, it has its moments of angst and inner turmoil for our two lovebirds, but it's also so witty, so winsome in its banter and characterization and fine-tuned plot, you can just gobble it up for hours. A damn delight, indeed.

Complete, Teen & Up

Read the story.

Follow the author on Tumblr and AO3.

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The WIP That Will Wreck You (In the Best Way): The Lesser of Two Evils by @thrillofhope

What you need to know going in:

Another post-S1 masterpiece in the making to share! Can I ever get enough of those? Absolutely not, and I'm sure many of you can't either. In this one from @thrillofhope (another writer you'll see repeatedly on this list, I'm sure), Sauron returns to Eregion to strike an alliance with the elves and our dear Galadriel, for fear of a returned Morgoth. Grudgingly, they concoct a plan to work together against the OG Dark Lord, who's still regaining his full strength. One of my favorite things about this fic is simply how much of a smarmy little shit Sauron is—it feels so achingly in character, and makes for a biting interplay between him and Galadriel that's delicious to consume. Characterization is super strong in this fic, and not just for our favorites, but for all Tolkien characters we have the pleasure of seeing in this story. There's still more to go, but I recommend you get caught up immediately... I have a feeling this one is going to be even more of a doozy than it already is.

WIP, Mature

Read the story.

Follow the author on Tumblr and AO3.

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The Can’t Stop Consuming No Matter What Time It Is Fic: Beasts of the Hill and Serpents of the Den by @demonscantgothere

What you need to know going in:

Another @demonscantgothere classic! I'd be surprised if you haven't read it yet, as I feel like it's very well-known and well-loved (rightly so!), but just in case some of you haven't, the premise sees Galadriel in the First Age, offering herself in place of Finrod when he's trapped in Tol-in-Gaurhoth, BATB-style. This fic evokes feelings of a fairytale, but with a LOT more smut, and it's spicy. All manner of spiciness here, folks. Hot Ones has nothing on Helholden (@demonscantgothere). In addition to the absolutely 🔥🔥🔥 smut, prepare for a very mercurial Mairon—sorry, Halbrand! Couldn't resist the alliteration—a younger, more innocent but no less exacting Galadriel, and other wonderful inclusions from the First Age, including werewolves, Thuringwethil, Morgoth (at least by association, so far), and more. I don't want to spoil anything, so just go read it. 20 chapters in, 80 to go, according to the current count. In other words: hell yes.

WIP, Explicit

Read the story.

Follow the author on Tumblr and on AO3.

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🤩🤩🤩

Me at all these fics:

Don’t see your story on this list yet? Keyword: yet. Please don’t fret! I can only recommend so many each week, but I am always looking for more stuff to read, share, and generally shower with love, so please feel free to reply with your own fics or your personal faves. I have plenty more to recommend… ❤️

Until next week!

[a-reader-and-a-writer]

It saddens me to see so many good people feeling this way. I think for me, personally, I missed the more "golden age of Tumblr" when people would reblog and interact more. So for me, when I see people talking about low interactions, I literally have nothing to compare it to. I'll admit I try to look at notes in general because if I look specifically at reblogs I'll cry lol but there's so many new people here and they don't know that Tumblr doesn't operate like every other social platform out there.

There are also some fics I know will barely get interaction. But they want to be told and I write them. I see it as practice. But I also realize this is a fairly optimistic view on things. There's also been fics where I'm like "this will get 1 note and that's from my own like" and they really well.

When I feel like I'm in a rut, I do try to find new characters to write. It helps if they're popular or a character that doesn't get a lot of attention, if you're looking for notes. I just wait for a character to talk to me.

You are NOT a mediocre writer. If you are, then I better burn my own Google drive because I shouldn't release it upon the world. If you need a hype man, I'm here. It may take me a minute to read whatever, but I'd be happy to.

Adding on, that I would've asked for an update to my Fanboy ask, but I always feel like I'm preasuring if I do so I didn't. If you'd like me to send you friendly peer pressure to finish, I will!

First of all, 😘😘😘😘😘😘. Thank you for always being so kind and supportive. You are such a sweet, amazing person whom I am so glad to know 💕

Second of all, that picture was blocked for some reason but it made it even better when I clicked on it and was hit in the face with all that Benergy! It made me so happy!!! 😍

Third of all, I've actually only been on tumblr for two years this upcoming week (🥳), so I also missed the golden age of tumblr and I'm so bummed about that. But while yes, I would love for my work to get more likes/reblogs/comments, I get reading a fic can be a commitment or the description/character isn't a person's cup of tea so I try to brush it off. What has really been getting me down is when I post a WIP or ask game, or post something like "I made a new theme! What do you think?" and I can't get more than three or four likes (usually from the same people). Just..... something would be nice so I wouldn't feel so isolated or alone (and @musings-of-a-rose this is in no way directed at you but just as a general statement 💖)

Lastly, thank you for a wonderful words about my writing. But PLEASE DO NOT BURN YOUR GOOGLE DRIVE!!! I adore your writing and would be so sad if you did that! 💗 And I have not forgotten about your request! It's about 75% done but now I'm at that stage where I have all the juicy chunks down and I have to figure out how to string them together into a complete story 😅 But it is still very much an active WIP that I am excited to finish! 💖

[onthewaytosomewhere]

Find the Words

Alright so yeah I've been tagged and well I'm a sucker for tumblr tag games so here it is lol

tagged by: @typicalopposite

rules: find your given words in your WIPs and post a snippet containing the words, then tag others with their own sets of words :)

my words: laugh, tomorrow, wonder

I only two of these words in my WIPs that have more than just a few bits written - I was certain they would have all been there but guess not (at least not in fic)

I had them both 3 times in my College AU so I'm gonna cheat and give them all so I don't hafta choose lol (they're not too angst-y lol)

laugh

Alex’s laugh in response makes Henry’s ever-present butterflies flutter, and he really must get them in some semblance soon before he makes an utter buffoon of himself. Well, more than he already has in the years he’s had this sadly unrequited crush on his kind-of-friend-by-association who is so straight Henry has not even an infinitesimal chance.

Henry takes hold of Alex’s hands and holds them between the two of them. He smiles reassuringly across the space between them and takes a deep breath. “Well, I guess we both had a friend plan – too bad neither of us was smart enough to communicate it.” The laugh that escapes Alex surprises them both. “I think maybe we’re already there though, if you can forgive me sequestering myself away, in my usual avoidance technique. I will make every effort to not do that the next time I get too in my head. It’s always been the way I dealt when things got hard or more than I knew how to deal with. I will admit I’ve had feelings for you for the last two years or so – I always told myself it was just a crush I’d get over but this year I realized that wasn’t the case anymore – "

-this one is from Alex's tales from the college AU (which is a separate doc - so they didn't all come from the same one lol)

The laugh escapes Alex before he can catch it, and he smiles across the table, realizing that he didn’t mess this all up after all. He reaches across the table and grabs Henry’s hand in his, “Just remember who said it first, sweetheart.”

wonder

(apparently I had plenty of variations of this word but these were the only 3 just 'wonder')

“Good morning, Alex. I’m certain I’ve repeatedly asked you to stop with the ‘your majesty’ thing, and if you need to sit closer to see, you really should. Just because I felt like a change doesn't mean you must suffer.” Henry swore he had heard a muttered, “I know nothing but suffering,” but there was no indication that Alex had spoken when he glanced his way. That, of course, was his downfall, the one thing Henry knew he needed to avoid had already happened, and this time, it was Alex’s damn eyelashes that were driving him to distraction. Luckily, the professor came in to start class, forcing him to focus on something other than Alex and the things, the dirty, dirty things he wanted to do to him. Somehow, he made it through class without embarrassing himself, even when Alex got into a verbal sparring match with one of their classmates about how poetry could be seen in many political officeholders' speeches. Watching Alex debate something linked to a topic he cared so wholeheartedly about generally made Henry weak in the knees. The passion Alex displayed often made him wonder what it would be like to have even a fraction of that passion on him, in a way that was less arguing a point and more driving him to the brink over and over again until they both expired from the exhaustion that only came from a mind-blowing orgasm.

Pez turns towards him, so Henry is forced to look at him as he speaks, “I mean, how is it that the two of you spent over a month and a half practically living in each other’s pockets, and you still have no idea how that boy feels about you. Sometimes I wonder how you can be so completely daft when it comes to matters of the heart.”

“It felt like you hated me last year the way you took every moment to be a right prat. When we returned this year, it seemed like whatever I had done to make you hate me didn’t matter anymore. Then, when you came that first night to the library, and we continued to meet up here, I started to wonder if we could actually be friends. I had this plan to become your friend and –“

so now my turn to tag -

@adreamareads your 3 words are: bite, park, and show.

[avidink]

HELL o' World: WriteBlr Intro

Hello my name is Vida and I finally decided to make a proper introduction to this community, so here are a few facts about me:

💛 I'm a lesbian

💛 she/her He/him pronouns

💛 Native Spanish speaker

💛 got back to Tumblr a few years ago

💛 Would like to get back to writing fanfic

💛 I'm a literature student

With that out of the way, these are the Projects I'm actively working on. I write mostly in Spanish but sometimes writing in English helps me put some ideas down. So I'll be alternating in both languages when I post about my wips.

I'm still working on the working title. So here is a summary of the story I'm trying to tell.

Sam is a werewolf and Bonnie is a regular human. They are both classmates and don't get along that well due to their social groups being so different. Shenanigans happened and they fall into a fairy circle and get a love curse. So they need to find a way to break the curse before it becomes irreversible. As they get to know and confide in each other they realize that they are not so different from one another and wonder if this new connection that they feel with each other is real or it is part of the curse.

Ideas/motivations behind the story: I used to read not-very-good love stories when I was a kid and in a lot of these stories the protagonist falls in love with the bad guys just because it's their destiny or it's a curse even though they are not compatible. So what if two people are forced to fall in love and want to break the curse but then they realize that they like what they have and now they wonder if they actually want to break it they also wonder if what they have is real or is just the curse. There are sooo many ways it can be worked it.

They are both protagonists but I'm still deciding how is going to have more focus on them. This is an omega verse story btw.

Beaufort is an omega who just lost his husband and is now left alone to take care of their child, Toby. In a world of alphas, he is going to work extra hard in order to sustain both of them with an omega salary, since people of this world don´t think omegas are good at anything that is not taking care of the home. So he impersonates his late husband in order to have a better salary in a remote job.

While Dante is an Alpha who just fucked up big time at his job due to his arrogance so his parents, the company owners, fired him. So is now up to him to prove to them that he is actually that good at his job and it's the client's fault they did not get a deal. So he starts this new job with this mysterious alpha who thinks is soo good for everyone that no one has ever seen. He does think his husband that comes into the office every now and then is kinda cute.

Ideas/motivation behind the story: Like I said I used to read a lot of bad romance novels. I used to read a lot of Omegaverse when I was a kid and as I grow I realized that many o those relationships were not that good and I always wanted to write a story in which the bad boy has a big change of perspective and values. I also like the idea of a single father just trying to make it into the world and how those two characters get to influence each other. This is mostly a nostalgia project since is an idea that I had for a really long time.

[myloversgone]

Welcome, 2023

A/N: This a very long and personal post. It’s not a fluffy, smutty fic, unfortunately (even though I have lots of those in my WIPs folder). Soon, I’m hoping to be able to fully come back to this space I love and cherish so much. I just felt like I needed to organize my thoughts and feelings first, and tumblr is a safe space for me to do that. If you read it, thank you. If you don’t, no worries, I don’t expect someone to do so. This post is more for myself anyways.

2022 was the craziest year of my life.

And I’m not prone to craziness. I don’t seek adventure, I’m very practical and safe. Boring, if you will. 

So all the challenges (except for one), came to me without my agreement. I was sure I was in control of everything, and the past year showed me I’m definitely not.

At the beginning of the year, I went through major changes at work, including a new boss, and it required me to change my own behavior, completely against my will, in order to keep my job. It was hard and it went against my principles, but I didn’t have a choice at the moment.

Then I got sick and, after a long and exhausting period of going through tests and doctors, I had to go through surgery. It was supposed to be a very simple procedure, but it ended up in a series of complications that crushed me, physically and emotionally.

In the meantime, my family was (and still is) facing financial problems, and, because of that, their quality of life took a big step back, which was very frustrating to me, and even more for my mom and dad.

While all of that was happening, I was trying to prepare for the challenge I’ve chosen to go through: moving to another country, something I wished and dreamed about for as long as I can remember. For that, I had the unfailing support of my wonderful family, my previous boss, and my closest friends. But that decision was major, a long-term one, and I made it thinking about a future that is still way far ahead.

My country couldn’t offer me better job opportunities, mostly for political (Bolsonaro can go fuck himself and die) and economic reasons, and I was very unhappy in my uncomfortable confort zone. So, thinking about a better future for myself and for my parents, I moved not only to a different country, but to a different continent.

It was so hard. By the time I thought I would be organizing myself for the change, I was recovering from my disease, and, at a certain point, I thought I wouldn’t even be able to move, because nor me or the doctors had a precise answer for how long it would take for me to feel better. But I managed to recover, slowly.

After a very bumpy and complicated arrival at this new place, for the first month or so, all I could do was think I’ve made the wrong decision and wished to go back home. I would cry every single day, punishing myself for not being able to overcome this and live the dream I always worked so hard to accomplish.

Then, as if things weren’t hard enough, one of my dogs got sick and died. My dogs are the most precious things in my life. I love them unconditionally and with my entire heart. To be completely honest with you, sometimes I miss them more than I miss my parents. 

When I heard the news about my dog passing, the first thing I did (after crying my eyes out) was search for plane tickets to go back home. My dad was suffering a lot, because the dog who died was his favorite, his best friend for the past 9 years. He rescued her and took care of her when she got sick, so the impact on him was huge. And, for me, not being able to be there for him was incredibly difficult. 

But I realized there was nothing I could do. Going back home wouldn’t bring her back, and I didn’t want to give my dad another reason to worry about me. 

So I stayed. Despite money issues, language barriers, insecurities, loneliness, I stayed. I doubted I would be able to do that (I still do), and I felt like nobody here liked me or wanted me around. The last  time I had this need of belonging, I think it was during elementary school. I was afraid I would be alone for the holidays.

But then, I found a group of people that are in the same situation. They also have doubts and fears, they feel lonely and homesick too. And we bonded and celebrated Christmas and the New Year together. 

Well, now 2022 is finally over. Major changes came, for me personally, for the people around me, for my country - fortunately. I feel like things are finally starting to get better (even to write that makes me afraid and doubtful). I still search for stability, for connection, and for the means to be able to come back to my old self. 

I wish 2023 can bring me some of that. I’m trying.

Happy New Year everyone! Love to you all!

[starstruckkittensweets]

Hello, I'm a new account here on Tumblr, I am slightly new to writing, however I have a ton of experience with details from roleplaying for so long. In the end, I was wondering if you had any tips or pointers for me so I can start this fantastic journey.

First off, welcome to the world of Tumblr! 😂 It can be a little scary sometimes but I promise it’s not all that bad once you get used to it!

And I’m sorry for taking so long to reply to your ask! I’ve been thinking about it ever since you sent it so I wanted to take my time and try to be as organized as possible when it came to answering. And as a preface, these are just tips that I find most helpful while writing, so what works for me may not necessarily work for you, and vice versa! There’s no one right way to write after all 🥰

Ok I’m gonna leave the rest under the cut but here we go!

1. Jot down ideas/facts/random things about your story. If you’re not ready to begin writing just yet or just don’t know where to start, grab a piece of paper and just info dump. Make little notes here and there. Where you want your fic to end up, who’s going to be in it, any themes or scenes you want to be sure to include when you start to write it out. I find this especially helpful for OC stories (or even reader fics with very specific attributes or hobbies), sometimes you just have to jot down what they look like or what they do for a living and suddenly you realize something about them that you didn’t know before. (Let’s say, a specific fear or something that happened to them in the past, or maybe a close friend or past relationship they once held dear to them.) No one other than you will ever look at these notes so don’t be afraid to be a little messy with them!

2. Use your roleplaying background for scenes, dialogue, etc. I'm not too experienced with roleplaying so I can't speak for it in general, but if you have a history with it then don't be afraid to lean on it when it comes to fic ideas! Have a specific scene you once acted out, but can't get it out of your head? Maybe you want to try it with another character instead, or tweak the dialogue a little bit? Recycle these ideas for inspiration for your fics and see how they come out!

3. Start writing random scenes in your fic. They don't have to necessarily be in order, and sometimes I find I work better when I'm working from the beginning straight to the end. But if you don't know where to start then pick out a random spot in your fic or an idea you want to elaborate on and go from there. This really helps you to get a feel of the characters, atmosphere, and overall tone of your fic. You don't have to necessarily include this in the final draft but it serves as a nice jumping off point to get your creative juices flowing!

4. Talk about your fic! Whether it's random posts on Tumblr or sending asks/fic ideas to your friends and mutuals, talking about your fics and those ideas floating around in your head help you get inspired to write them out! Discussing WIPs with my moots are so much fun and sometimes they can give you a different perspective or suggestions that you didn't know were there before. (And my inbox is always open, just so you know! I'm curious to see what kind of fics you wanna write!)

5. Write what YOU want to write. This is probably the most personal advice I can give you. Only you know what works for you in what you want to read and write, so don't be afraid to go a little crazy. Overused tropes, crossover ideas, character analysis, different AUs, it doesn't matter at all. Because YOU will be writing it, and your voice and style are what will make your fic yours. So don't be afraid to be a little "out there" with your fics, because no matter what there will always be someone out there who will want to read it! You just gotta find the right audience, but I promise they're out there!

Those are the points I can think of at the top of my head. I hope they'll be able to help you, but everyone's got their own style and way of writing so it's okay if you find something totally different that works for you. Everyone has their own personal preferences, that's what makes writing so much fun after all!

I wish you all the best and can't wait to see what you come up with! 😘❤️❤️❤️

[upsidedownsmore]

ENTRIES CLOSED, reblogs turned off, thank you everyone for entering and sharing your wonderful works!!

A compilation of every entry piece can be found here!

The winner is @infestedslime and they have accepted the prize!

For transparency, the original winner was @civicrose but it had been done out of only 20 entries because I had forgotten to record @zero-two-one 's entry into the spreadsheet and only realized the following morning. The new roll was done out of the actual 21 entries, I'm extremely sorry for the confusion from this bad mistake!!

Roll proof:

The full entry spreadsheet can be found here! (it's also buried below the cut somewhere but I thought I should put it up here too lol)

Just like last time I'm super happy with how this event has turned out!! Thanks again to everyone who entered and made this a fun time!! Again, I am very sorry for messing up the entry records for the initial rolling.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PROTEA PRIME ACCESS GIVEAWAY! *

* Provided by Digital Extremes! Info about the prime access here.

To enter, simply reblog with your art of any warframe playing a sport!

Giveaway entries will close and the winner will be randomly chosen on May 25TH at 10:00pm CST

The post for the above drawing (with reference screenshot and wips) can be found here!

More info under the cut, PLEASE READ IT IF YOU WANT TO ENTER!

(rules are the same as the gauss prime access giveaway I did back in February, just a slightly different art prompt! You can find that giveaway post here for reference)

Notes:

This is not a contest! The winner will be decided entirely randomly, art quality will have no effect on chances of winning! Make whatever you can in any medium you want! (not including unedited captura/game screenshots)

Please submit your own art!! Do not use any AI generation tools for your entry.

Only one entry per person, you will not get more entries for additional reblogs and/or drawings.

The goal of this is for the community to make a fun little gallery of warframe art in the reblogs, but don't stress over how "good" your drawing is! As long as you have fun and submit something vaguely in line with the prompt you're good! (You can find previous giveaway galleries here!)

You do not need to engage with me in any other way (likes, follows, etc.) to enter, just a reblog with art loosely following the prompt! The only way to submit images under a single post on Tumblr is through reblogs, but please know that I do not intend this to be a means of promotion. If people could submit images in the replies I would gladly take that option!

If you have any feedback about the giveaway please let me know!

Here are some example submissions that would all work, but of course whatever you want to make doesn't have to be limited to this!

I will be assigning one unique number per individual and then throwing them into the random number generator on random.org. (Edit: you can find the spreadsheet with info on each entry here!) After the entries close and I roll the winner, I will update this post with the winner's name and a message saying that the giveaway is closed. Reblogs will also be turned off once the giveaway is closed, as I am only using reblogs as means of congregating drawing submissions under one post during the giveaway period.

Whoever's number get's chosen will be contacted via DMs here on Tumblr, so please make sure your DMs are open! I will be asking for your Warframe IGN and platform so DE can give send over your prize! If you have cross-save linked or merged then please tell me, though I will also be asking in DMs as well. If the winner doesn't respond within 24 hours or no longer wants the prime access pack, then I will roll a new winner with the same method but with the previous winner(s) number(s) taken out of the pool.

Topmost drawing without the giveaway text:

Trailer scene reference:

Good luck and most importantly have fun!! :)

[klainesheilen]

04.01.2023

Updates on my life and my tumblr blog

Hey besties,

I hope everyone had a great start into 2023. I want to get right to the point of this post: I created this blog to use tumblr as an active member (meaning to actively post stuff instead of only reblogging it like on my main blog). My goal was to focus on my English skills, motivate myself to study and share with the internet my progress of healing. Weeeeeeell *Gen z move of putting my own hair behind my ear*. I'm getting chaotic with what I post. First I thought that's bad because I need a theme / an aesthetic to stick to, but then I realized that this is my blog and I do this for myself (and that this here is tumblr dot com where we don't function like other social media sides/apps) so I will keep on doing whatever I'm doing right now.

Still, one thing that I would like to change or to do more often are these longer post. I'm lazy, I'm always telling myself I don't have time to sit down and write anything to post but then I'm scrooling mindless on tiktok or watching youtube videos so I don't have to hear my own thoughts. I want to get more into book review writing so it seems that one goal of 2023 will be to post every once in a while a more serious book review on here. I ducking reorganized my reading notion page so I ducking hope that I will use it now. Another thing I really want to do is getting back into making art more regularly (and then also posting it?). I loved drawing and art and then I thought it would be a career thing, but it turned out to only burn me out so I dopped that and since then I barely enjoy doing art. I'm still in this mindset of comparing my work with others, of judging my WIP before it's even finished and so I want to change it into doing art for myself even if it's "bad art". Sure this won't happen over night or by saying "I'm doing this just for me", but I still hope that something will change at the end of the year with my thoughts.

K, guess that's everything about my tumblr update. So here comes a life update:

Nothing really chnaged. lol. Still going to university, working part time as a barista, being in a relationship. But there are thoughts and realizations on some topics. Lets start strong with university. I enjoy some of my lectures and some drain the shit out of me. Sometimes I think to drop out, because I can't imagen actually getting a job with this dagree so why continueing with all the stress and money investment? But at the same time I enjoy the experiencec, I enjoy my lectures, the discussions, the studying. Is it stressful? Yes. But in a paralel unniversum I'm already working a job that as well is stressful sooooo is the problem really university itself or how I stress myself over the thiniest things because my anxiety forces me to do so? Then I think "I can finish university and if I don't get a job with this dagree I do just a job to finance living" and then I'm again like "But then why not skip the unversity part and go right to working?" and everything is followed with a "But what will _____ think/say when they here that of me?". In all I can say it doesn't matter what I'm doing or what I plan to do I will always be unhappy and wondering "What if...?". To solve this I should go to therapy. Yea, it's easier to say than to do. I'm telling myself for so long to call the numbers that hang on my wall and I still haven't done it. I gave myself a deadline by last Monday and here I'm with no calls. At this point I really think I self-sabotage myself, because it's better to stay where I'm in my messy chaotic comfort zone instead of working on myself. But. but. BUT! I see progress in myself which is mostly linked with my boyfriend. Just last week we both pointed out that I've made great progress in communicating my feeling and thought and stuff. It began with him pointing stuff out and just then I talked with him about this situation/feeling/thought. But slowly, really really slowly, I'm able to point stuff out by myself without him starting the conversation on a topic. Most of the time I still tell myself "He doesn't need to know this, I'm probably overreacting anyway"/"If I tell him this we only start to fight (because that is what happend in earlier relationships most of the time)" you know stuff like that. So yea, I'm still (take a shot every time you read still in this post) working on my cmmunication skills but I've also got better. That isn't the only thing that changed. My mindset starts to changing as well. From "I'm a failure" "I have to be nice to them because what if they don't like me?" "What if they don't agree with my opinion?" etc to "This doesn't define who I am" and "I don't even like them so who cares" "I can have my own thoughts on stuff"etc. Sure, there a still huge backlashes, but as I said slowly making progress.

I think that's it. Sending love to you bestie <3

[valenhell]

From the studio that brought you “I can’t find good Byler fics in the ao3 tag”, comes:

"The Definitive Byler fic rec list"

Literally no one asked for this but because I spent the majority of last year (...and 2019, and 2018...) reading byler fics and coping with life, I thought I’d make a list of some of my absolute favorites. 

The other day I was basically starving for some byler fics and the angel @magicalfairy provided me with some of her faves so I thought I’d do the same, because I love reading, and I love all of these fics and I appreciate their writers💗 And fic writers in general, come on!

- This is a mix of long works and one-shots/short stories. - Everything is mostly fluff with a tad of angst and a lot of internalized homophobia conflict.  - Every fic is completed, except for the ones I mention that they are not. - I try my best to lay out the stories in a way that I won’t spoil you the plot but also warning you of some stuff you might don’t like. Either way, all of these fics are correctly tagged by their respective authors/owners, so read at your own risk. For better understanding, in between brackets I denote Rating, Words and quantity of Chapters. - I feel like I should clarify, none of these are narrated in the singular first person. None of that “And I told him...”, no. 

Long fics

a dream always the same (T, 99k, 35 chapters) What happened in those few weeks between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. Literally a satisfying and very needed fill in of season three, with a good dose of Mike’s thoughts and conflict. Mike’s characterization is specially amazing in this one. The writing style is amazing and I know the author put everything into making it historically accurate, and it was really sweet. You probably read it, it’s by the amazing sevensided here on Tumblr🧡

Spring Break (T, 120k, 14/15 chapters) The slowburn of my dreams. Lots of internalized conflict and conflict with each other. Conflict within the Party (uhh kind of), conflict with Mike and Will. Byers family has moved and the kids are visiting! Chaos. Characterization is on point. Yeah, I know it’s unfinished, but the fourteenth chapter actually serves as a pretty nice ending. 

This is where it starts (M, 148.8k, 24 chapters) Aged up characters. The Party is in college and Will disappears again, but now it’s different. Mike knows he didn’t vanish from thin air, and the discovery he and the Party end up making is pretty insane. Mystery solving/fantasy/third dimension, throw in a bit of D&D and Mike realizing some shit, and you get this marvelous fic. It’s a breath of fresh air. The world building is definitely one of the elements that stands out the most, because it’s very nicely described, it sounds like a dream and it’s completely immersive. Absolute gem of a fic. 

there’s a Starman waiting in the sky (M, 30.6k, 8 chapters) Do I need to say anything? Will is out there living his best life and Mike realizes that wow, umm, maybe his best friend looks a bit too nice with that costume... and wait, is he getting horny? It’s actually really fun and sexy.

The Evening Speaks (T, 23k, 7 chapters) In where Mike is a late-night college radio host and Will is the art student that stays up till late to catch up with Wheeler on the Mic. They flirt through songs y’all, this one is really sweet. 

heads or tails? (E, 24k, 3 chapters) Aged up characters. I know most people don’t enjoy sex in fics and with specific characters but this one is insanely well written. It’s a slowburn that commits to the tension and with every word you are grasping and anticipating their next move. I think you can find the author here on Tumblr as yousaidyes🧡

The Man of Average (M, 56.7k, 5/? chapters) Aged up characters. No but you don’t understand, the writing here is absolute gourmet. The story is exciting as well, it’s super interesting. Weirdly enough, for being very aged up characters, they are well characterized but they don’t feel like teenagers. They are naturally Mike and Will. The author really captured Mike and Will’s essence. I know, it’s unfinished and it’s updated very rarely, but this is the typical fic you can’t believe someone just posted on the internet for free. I will say though, I think it’s definitely not for everyone. Read at your own risk.

Heartstrings (E, 82.8k, 24/? chapters) Aged up characters. By the same author of The Man of Average. A collection of memories, the road to Mike and Will’s happy ever after. And fucking hell!!!!! You’ll cry and get angry, you’ll cheer for them, then you’ll want to crash their faces together because god dammit you love each other!!! But yeah, same thing here. The writing and the way the story is laid out as a nonlinear narrative is brilliant. And I also think this is one of the best Will versions I’ve read. The author might as well be the og creator of this two characters tbh. You can find the author here as mylesimeblr🧡

Sinners behind the walls (T, 1.5k, 1/1) And because I can’t stop recommending this author, a little thing of Mike tormenting himself but also being too deeply committed to Will. 

The Red Envelope series (T/E, 167K, two completed works) Something happens that Will thought was impossible and from there, pure drama and romance. Anything by this author has the potential to become your absolute favorite fic, but this series in particular is amazing. I doubt that any of you haven’t read this, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in this list. I’m pretty sure the author is serendipitous-magic on Tumblr🧡

A New Fight series (T, 91k, two completed works, one WIP) And finally the Star Wars AU that we all needed. But this isn’t your typical “Mike is Han”, “Will is Leia” and “El is Luke”, it’s way more interesting than that, and the author has appropriated the Star Wars world like no other. I’ll admit I’m not a 100% fluent in SW lore but this is amazing to me either way. This author is also on Tumblr, tea-for-one-please🧡

- Yes, most of these are (if not all), in a way, canon compliant/canonverse/canon continuation into fanon. (In a way)

One-shots and short stories

Sundae for Two, Please (G, 4.8k) Steve being the supportive friend and older brother these kids collectively need. (not Jonathan erasure, we love him). Steve is very sweet himself, and this little cute thing through his POV is gorgeous. Yes, it’s byler.

Backstage (T, 10k, 2/2) Jonathan, you forgot to mention to Will how hot your new band’s guitarist is, dude. Now he’s hyperventilating and weirdly flirting with him in the corner. Background Stonathan because why not.

102 Peach Street (G, 3.8k) Established relationship, but not only that, they are married :’’))) PURE fluff. Extreme fluffiness. Diabetes. 

sweatshirts and bottled up feelings (T, 3.2k) Or, Mike thinks that the sweatshirt Will wears looks insanely good on him. And kitchens are for lovers. 

kiss it better (T, 16.3k) Basically one of the best character studies of a few precise moments of Mike and Will’s relationship and feelings. 

will wonders ever cease (T, 11.3k) #i ship will and happiness. Omfg what a beautiful piece of fanfic. Will centric, this kid really deserves all the good in the world.

The Calm After the Storm (T, 1.6k) Tooth rotting fluff, boyfriends in love. Boyfriends being lazy, cuddling, love words, kisses. Boys loving each other’s company... Basically, Mike and Will in their element. What more can you ask for?

neither of us ready to let go (T, 4.8k) That scene from season three, but a bit of a fix it. 

Still in love (G, 1k) Domestic, married life au fluff. Y’all, I’m a sucker for established Byler, even if I can’t find many fics with it. But this is very sweet. It takes place in 2020, but I don’t think there are any mentions of the COVID-19 crisis that I remember.

I Nver Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels (G, 12.5K) Classic 5+1 fic. If you haven’t read it, where have you been? This is your moment. In where Mike keeps inviting Will to the school dances and Will thinks it’s just a joke until he realizes it’s not. 

Before You’re Gone (T, 5.9k) Will is leaving Hawkins and Mike thinks this is a great moment for a confession. This one I discovered last friday, thank you friend @magicalfairy 💗

You’re weird Wheeler (M, 4.5k) Mike unintentionally starts a tradition of going to each other to talk about their sexual encounters just after they finish. Will keeps getting more explicit with the details he shares, and he makes his best friend interested. This one is really fun y’all.

Out-Of-Town Friends (N/R, 4.6K) It’s not rated. I haven’t re- read it but I’d say it would probably fall in a T rating. So cute!! Will has new friends and sneaks off every friday and the Party doesn’t know where he is going, so Mike decides to follow him and is surprised. 

Snowed Under (G, 1.3k) By the same author of The New Fight series. Mike is spending christmas by himself in college because a snowstorm hits Chicago and Nancy can’t drive to see him, but then he has a surprise visitor. Ahhh just a lil sweet holiday fic. Super cute. 

you love me anyway series (T, 7.1k, three completed works) Literally just the cutest thing ever. Established Byler. Will loves to take pictures and he loves taking pictures of Mike. It’s adorable. 

you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better) (T, 9k) This one is so amazing. So. Amazing. From Will’s POV, my kid deserves the world and he gets it. 

okay not to be okay (T, 4.9k) Mike is a bit sad but then everything is okay. 

can’t hold out forever (G, 18.4k) Y’all!!!!! 5+1 sweetness. Mike has been falling in love since kindergarten. And it’s long af, you’ll enjoy it. 

even if it takes forever (G, 1.3k) College short AU, they miss each other, they love each other, they promise all to each other. It is sappy y’all.

clear as day (N/R, 18.4K, 4 chapters) It’s not rated, but I’d say it falls in the T category. Strangers to friends to lovers. And also, everyone is pretty gay; we have our dynamic trio Mike, Max and El as disaster lesbians (and gay). Will works at the library and he is also gay. Lucas and Dustin and Will are the best friends we needed. It’s very sweet and the Party is kind of formed here!

I went overboard with the one-shots, so you must have realized how much I love long one-shots and I favor them over long works lmao but they are all amazing!!! If it’s on this list, I probably read it at 2 am, sobbing in my bed. So. Hope you enjoy it☺️🧡

[svtskneecaps]

i have stumbled upon a realization that is both terrifying and wonderful, and that is, that people actually like the writing i post on tumblr dot com.

and that is in equal measures terrifying and gratifying because on the one hand, i posted my shit for people to like my shit. that's it. i said, "here is this thing that i wrote to help me, perhaps it will help you, too"

but the other thing is, considering i've been posting writing semi-consistently online for the past 10 years of my life (god, ten!!), i eventually landed on the guilt-ridden decision that, due to my inconsistency and flights of passion, i CANNOT post a fic that i haven't finished. and this resolve has been somewhat strengthened by my discoveries in the process of writing one of my current (non-kpop) wips, since that one has taken a strategy of "write the bones, fill in the tissue" that usually leads to me rewriting the bones once the tissue fills in. the story is strengthened and i am so happy with the product i'm fleshing out, but it also means i can't post it serially until full completion, because i am SO TIRED of putting "discontinued" or "rewriting" on a published work. it makes me feel bad, like the rewritten plotlines are now forever muddled in a readers' mind, and they'll never be able to distinguish what happened in the less-good first version and the slightly-better second (or third, or fourth, or), or that i am discontinuing on some dissatisfying in-gratifying cliffhanger, because the lake in my mind is a grimy, half-formed sidewalk puddle online.

but i have not been able to finish a piece of writing for this blog. in a very long time. which is not to say i haven't been TRYING, just that. i rarely have an idea that just screams to be for seventeen, and when i do, it never makes it to full completion. in fact off the top of my head i can remember a pretty good (to me) introduction to a DK oneshot along the size and tonal lines of "you mean the world to me", along with about nine parts of the magical retrograde amnesia jeonghan sm au i pitched LONG ago, just after the final part of "i just see you" was uploaded, not to mention a full paragraph-style "home;run" inspired road trip au (no reader insert) that i've shared with some friends who ALSO thought it was a good idea, if i could just WRITE THE DAMN THING outside of the first two thrice damned sequences (i have THE ENTIRE PLOT fleshed out to the first of two potential climaxes, and yet no words have come)

SO I WANT TO ASK YOU, so i want to SCREAM INTO THE VOID, because there is a terrifying unquantifiable number of eyes in the followers tab of this blog and though i don't know how many of those accounts are still viable and how many are empty graves, i will yell these words into the dark and pray for an answer,

SHOULD I POST THESE DRAFTS, EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY NEVER BE FINISHED?

this blog has been dead for so long, too long, filled with personal posts and birds and bullshit, and maybe, perhaps, there is a chance that ANYONE showing renewed interest in my shit could finally fucking put the grind into my gears. because friends, it is entirely conceited perhaps to say that the semi-steady drizzle of likes drenching my notifications has turned numbing, that the last REAL COMMENT on any fic of mine came twenty one days ago and that the void feels endless, that despite the number of eyes in the shadows of this void, it feels empty, but unfortunately for us i am awake to the empty, because suddenly i was reminded that, for some fucking reason, people have enjoyed my shit. and i have been so terrified of giving something incomplete or imperfect that i have been giving nothing at all.

so i ask you, my loves, the mouthless eyes who wander here, SHOULD I POST MY DRAFTS, FOR YOU, WITH THE UNDERSTANDING I MAY NEVER FINISH THEM? and understand, friends, that this offer is for you as much as for me. because i miss validation and i crave it near constantly but i have taken my enjoyment from these works. they have lived in my drafts for years and could gather dust there longer, but IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM, IF YOU SWEAR TO ALERT ME TO THIS INCOMPREHENSIBLE FACT THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ENJOY MY BULLSHIT, i could format and post what little shit i've got.

who knows. a single comment convinced me to finish walls could talk back in 2019. maybe lightning will strike twice.

as a bonus for reading this beast of a post, here is a screenshot of the aforementioned "retrograde amnesia curse" jeonghan fic, which i also sent to a few friends.

thank you for reading. and also, thank you for tolerating me, inconsistent though i may be. it's really hard for me to quantify who's here and what they're thinking, which is terrifying in and of itself, but every time the curtain pulls back it seems to be a pleasant surprise from the other side (i mean, who knew there were people who purposefully read through a tag created specifically so those posts did not have to be read?)

technically speaking, there's no milestone fast approaching (i give it another year, at the pace we're walking). just, it was sort of shown to me tonight that there are people out there who, when asked, would list one of my works close to their top ten, off the top of their head. and that is crazy and humbling and gratifying and terrifying all at the same time.

[scapegrace74-blog]

New Ways of Turning into Stone, Chapter 5

A/N  Sorry for the long break between chapters.  As some of you might have seen from my Tumblr blog, I’ve been off on vacation these past two weeks.  Plus, when I felt the urge to write, it was my new Vaquero AU that kept calling to me (21,000 words and counting!), rather than this fic.  Which is probably a good argument for why I don’t like to post WIPs.  In any event, here is the next chapter some of you have been asking for, entitled Third Appointment.  Be careful what you wish for.  Angst ahead, plus a trigger warning for infertility trauma, miscarriage.

The first four chapters are available on my AO3 page.

The Thursday after her impromptu encounter with Jamie and his niece at the Royal Hospital for Children, Claire woke with a strange twisting pain in her gut.  Skipping breakfast, she was halfway to her office before she diagnosed herself with an acute case of nerves, the kind that sprouted between her lungs and ribcage like a vestigial organ whose sole purpose was to unsettle her.

She wasn’t in the habit of meeting patients outside of the clinical confines of her practice, but it was more than that.  Jamie had caught her in a moment of weakness, with both her personal and professional armour missing.  What he might have seen and how he could have interpreted it had occupied her thoughts ever since.

Eating lunch was out of the question.  By the time two o’clock approached, her insides were a buzzing hornets’ nest of anxiety, her palms clammy with sweat.  A half-empty bottle of Xanax called to her from the bottom of her purse.  Before she could weigh the implications of taking one at work on an empty stomach, Jamie’s familiar knock intervened.

She could tell as soon as he entered that Maggie hadn’t needed a transfusion that week.  His russet curls shone like garnets in the midday sun and his uncanny eyes glittered like sapphires.  Still, he avoided looking directly her way as he settled into his usual chair, and she wondered if the overlap of their personal and professional lives had left him feeling unnerved as well.

“No wheat grass smoothie,” he commented, his gaze running over her desk.

“No, I didn’t have time for lunch today.”  It was a blatant falsehood, since she’d spent her lunch hour picking her cuticles until they bled, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Ye should eat more, Sassen..., Doctor Beauchamp.  Ye canna help anyone else if ye’re no’ properly nourished.”  She caught the slip, and for some reason it angered her.

“Is this your attempt to negotiate a reduction in your fees, Jamie?  Dietary advice in return for counselling?  Because if so, I’m afraid I don’t bill on the barter system,” she snapped, despising her churlish tone.

Jamie’s eyes narrowed, then dimmed.  Message received, he sat up straighter in the armchair and crossed a foot over his knee, assuming a position of poised and detached calm that had no doubt served him well during business negotiations.  She regrouped by pretending to glance at her journal for the notes from their previous session, although the space next to his name was accusingly blank.

Boundaries thus defined, the session went surprising well.  Jamie spoke of his relief that Maggie’s latest round of chemotherapy was over, allowing her to return home and to some semblance of a regular life for a child of six.  Claire coaxed him gently towards the topic of his overwhelming guilt for abandoning his family when he was most needed.  Jamie processed pain through the recounting of stories, coming to terms with his self-decreed transgression by weaving together the tale of those he loved and pointing to the holes his absence had caused.

As his resonant voice spun its web of words, Claire became aware of an underlying hum.  At first it was subtle, like the mumble of traffic from a far-off motorway.  But as their hour together ticked by, it grew in strength until she could no longer ignore the buzz that pressed against her from all directions.

“... saw that it was really Jenny and Ian who I was... Claire?  Doctor Beauchamp, are ye well?”  Jamie was watching her with concern, and she realized she’d been shaking her head, trying to dislodge the omnipresent hum.

“Yes, I’m... yes.  Sorry.  Just a funny noise that’s...  Please, continue.”  When Jamie didn’t immediately pick up the thread of his narrative, she tried again.  “You were saying something about Jenny and Ian?”

Instead of continuing his previous thought, Jamie picked that moment to broach the topic she’d desperately hoped he would avoid.

“I hope ye’re no’ upset about the other day, at the hospital.  I didna mean tae impose or tae... o’erstep the bounds of our relationship.  No’ that we have a relationship, mind,” he hastened to add.  “Only a professional one.  But when I saw ye, I couldna resist introducing ye tae wee Maggie.  I hadna told ye about her yet, and I thought...”

“Jamie, it’s fine,” she cut in, halting his rambling explanation.  “She’s a lovely girl.  They all are.  It’s only that, I’m sort of...”

“Ye’re verra good with them.  Children, that is.  Ye’ll make a fine mother one day.”

All the oxygen left the room at once.  Her heart beat so hard there was a bruised feeling behind her sternum.   Launching to her feet, Claire stumbled blindly away from her desk.  She wanted to run, to scream, but her vision was a narrow chasm and a now-deafening throb filled her ears.  She only made it a few steps before her knees buckled and the carpet floated upwards to meet her.

“Ifrinn!”  Jamie leapt to her side, catching her by the shoulders before her head could hit the floor.  He lowered them both carefully to the ground, resting her body against his lap.  “Sassenach?  Claire?  Can ye hear me?  Do I need tae call an ambulance?”  The words reached her from very far away, but the threat of medical intervention acted like a dose of smelling salts.

“No,” she groaned, the room spinning around her like a kaleidoscope.  “No hospital.  I just... need to eat,” she grasped at the most innocuous explanation for her current state.

Without dislodging her, Jamie stretched his long arm and brought back the small basket of miniature muffins that were the day’s offering from Geillis.  With surprising dexterity, he peeled away the paper one-handed and broke apart a bite-sized morsel, holding it gently against her lips.  Realizing that her dignity couldn’t get any more battered, Claire opened her mouth and allowed Jamie to feed her.  After only a few bites, the buzzing disappeared and she was able to sit up on her own.

“Thank you,” she murmured, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of the pity she knew she’d see there.  “You were right. I  should have eaten lunch, I guess.”

“Claire.”  Jamie made a prose poem of the single syllable of her name.  She looked up at him through her lashes, stunned to find him looking back, not with pity, but with something akin to adoration.  “Mo nighean donn,” he ran a tender hand through her loosened curls.  “Ye need tae care more for yerself.”

“I will.  I’ll try.”  And when she said it to him, she really meant it.  Jamie made the impossible seem probable.

They stared at one another, shoulder to shoulder on the floor of her office.  She couldn’t think of anything else to say, but nor did she move.  Her gaze flitted over his face, noticing a vestige of boyish freckles across the bridge of his nose, a mole hidden in the harvest stubble on his cheek.  Jamie was performing a parallel inventory, eyes finally coming to rest at the level of her mouth.

“Ye’ve got a wee crumb, jus’ there.”  Unconscious, her tongue swept out, triggering a predatory response, twin blue laser beams narrowing on the target she had just painted on her lower lip.

“I... I’d verra much like tae kiss ye, Claire.  May I?”

An amputated moan was all she could manage in response, but Jamie must have understood its meaning.  He bent his head until only a whisper separated them.  The air crackled, sending that extra organ plummeting towards her hollow womb.  Clenching her eyes shut in defeat, she closed the infinitesimal gap until they met in an effervescent caress of lip and tongue.

Cold washed over her skin, bathing her in gooseflesh.  Jamie tasted like he looked; a banquet of fresh, volatile flavours that called to mind a picnic in a meadow, a spray of sea foam, the warmth of hearth and home.  She could feel him trembling against her, his moist breath rushing against her cheek in shallow pants.  For a score of heartbeats, Claire was the happiest she had ever been.  Then, reality crashed down around her.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered, pulling away.  “I... this can’t... I’m sorry.”

Jamie leaned back with a mixture of longing and resignation.  She hated adding herself to his list of regrets, but it was for the best.

“I’m your doctor, Jamie.  This isn’t right.”

“Aye, I ken.  I should apologize, but I canna seem tae find it in me tae repent.”

Jamie stood, reaching down to help Claire up as well.  As soon as it was apparent she was able to stand on her own, he dropped her hand as though it burned.  The line between his brows deepened, and she could see the question forming before he gave it voice.

“What if ye werena my doctor?  Would it be right then?”

“That’s neither here nor there, because I am, Jamie.  A relationship between patient and doctor of a romantic nature is ethically off-limits.”

Jamie nodded, apparently accepting her explanation at face value. Her heartbeat calmed.  He moved slowly, gathering his coat and starting to leave.  

“But what if ye weren’t?” he said, facing the door.  “If we’d met at the hospital, or out on the town?”

“I...” she stammered, searching desperately for any answer except for the truth.  “No, Jamie,” she said at last, watching as she destroyed his last bastion of hope.  “I’m sorry.  I just don’t feel that way about you.”

Nodding abruptly, Jamie let himself out of the office.  She listened to his low murmuring voice through the door as he spoke to Geillis, heard him make an appointment for the following week, then the loud snap of the main door closing.  Only then did she allow herself to collapse once more to the floor, angry sobs overtaking her.

***

“Are ye out of yer fuckin’ mind?” Geillis inquired with her usual brutal eloquence.

With the help of a Xanax, Claire had managed to see her last two patients of the day, and only needed to navigate the shoals of her office manager’s ire before she could go home and fully medicate herself into a dreamless sleep.

“Jes so we’re clear, ye want me tae write a letter terminating your services as a doctor an’ suggesting suitable alternative providers?  An’ ye want me tae send this letter, over email, tae Jamie Fraser?”

“That’s right.”  She had determined that icy calm was the best antidote to this conversation, which was fortuitous, since she felt numb all over.

“An’ what reason am I tae give fer this abrupt conclusion tae yer association wi’ Mr. Fraser?”

“I don’t owe him an explanation.  Only sufficient notice and an opportunity to seek counselling elsewhere,” she said, feigning reasonableness.

Pushed past her limits, Geillis rose from behind her desk, a tiny tempest of moral indignation.

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, ye are a good friend, a fine doctor an’ a fair employer.  But I swear by the Almighty that if ye dinna drop the façade and tell me wha’ is going on I am going tae smack ye until yer ears ring!”

There was a certain relief in knowing that Geillis wouldn’t take no for an answer.  And unlike Jamie, she knew where Claire lived and would not let her rest until the truth came out.

“He kissed me.  Or rather, I kissed him.  And I liked it!  That’s why, Geillis.”

Her friend’s shoulders sagged, all righteousness gone in an instant.  She reached around Claire’s frame and held her in a bone-crushing one-sided hug.

“Och, hen.  An’ ye figured ye could deal wi’ those pesky feelings by jes, what? firing him as yer patient?”  

“I can’t deal with this right now, Geillis.  I can’t feel the way he makes me feel.  And this practice is all that I have left.  There’s no way I can risk losing it just for an affair that won’t even last the summer.”

She didn’t need to elaborate on her reasons for that dire prediction.  Geillis knew them as well as anyone.

“He’s an intelligent man, Claire. He’s gonna ken something is up.  Moreover, he’s a good man.  He deserves tae hear the truth.”

Shaking her head sadly, Claire walked towards the door.  Just before exiting, she called back softly to her friend.

“Geillis?  Make sure to include Dr. Rafferty’s name on the list of referrals.  I think they’d be a good match.

***

Monday morning dawned with little promise for the fledgling week.  Moving robotically through her weekend routine, Claire thought frequently of chickens.  How their bodies kept moving once their heads were lopped off, nerves and muscle and bone continuing to function for a time despite the fatal blow.

The elevator chimed its arrival on her floor.  As the doors slide open, Jamie was the first thing she saw.  He loomed by her still-locked office, a sun-topped thundercloud gripping a sheet of printer paper.

She’d worn her best black suit and a pair of chunky heels that brought her closer to his height.  Perhaps, on some subconscious level, she’d anticipated this confrontation.  Perversely, she relished it.  Vitriol and deceit didn’t suit her, but it was preferable to feeling absolutely nothing.

“Do ye mind tellin’ me,” Jamie began before she’d even set foot in the hallway, “jus’ what this is about, Claire?” He brandished the paper like a wanted poster.

“I would think it was self-explanatory, actually.  I’m terminating our professional relationship,” she huffed, golden eyes coming to life for the first time since Thursday.

“Via email.  Sent tae me by Miss Duncan, because ye dinna have the guts tae do it yerself.  Christ, Sassenach, even my ninth grade sweetheart didna dump me so cruelly!”

“I’m not your sweetheart!” she burst out, a flood of emotion cresting with her rising anger.  “Don’t call me that!  I was your doctor, Jamie, and now I’m nothing to you.  Nothing.  Just go.  Please.  Just go,” she finished weakly and without any hope that he’d listen.

“All this jus’ because I kissed you?” Jamie persevered.  At her stubborn silence, he continued, “Nah, I dinna think so.  Ye’re many things, Claire, but a coward isna one of them.”

She found this hysterically funny, since a coward was the only role she played to perfection.  She didn’t have time to laugh, however, because Jamie was suddenly standing much closer, forcing her to lift her chin to meet his stormy eyes.

“Nah,” he continued smoothly, a big cat alerted to the smell of its prey.  “If ye’d objected tae the kiss, ye would have told me so.  Read me the riot act or kneed me in the bawls.  I think ye’re scared, Doctor Beauchamp.  I think that kiss terrified ye, because ye realized ye liked it.  Somethin’ ye couldna  plan for in yer wee journal, right there under yer nose.  Bet it made yer heart beat so fast. So fast, jus’ like it is now.”

Jamie’s hand rested gently over the placket of her suit jacket, where he could surely feel the trip hammering of her pulse.

“Please,” she begged.  “Don’t.  I can’t...”

“Can’t what, Sassenach?” he whispered back, goading her.

The truth hung on her lips, and the toll of the past few days meant that she no longer had the strength to stop it from spilling forth.

“Can’t have children.  Ever.  I tried, for years.  Fourteen miscarriages, fourteen lost chances.  And seeing you with those children last week.  I know it’s presumptive, but I could never deny you that chance, Jamie.  That’s why I can’t see you anymore.”

She was looking down, watching the buttons of his shirt rise and fall with his agitated breath, but as she finished speaking, their movement ceased.  Chancing a glance upward, she was stunned by the fury that had overtaken his expression. 

Jamie opened and closed his mouth several times before he managed to speak in a gritty growl.

“Mutation of the RUNX1 gene tha’ causes leukemia.  I was tested, along wi’ Jenny an’ Ian, after Maggie was diagnosed.  I have a fifty percent chance of passing it along tae my children.  An’ since I canna stand the thought of ano’er bairn havin’ tae suffer as Maggie has, as soon as I got the test results, I went out an’ had a vasectomy.”

Claire recoiled as though she’d been slapped, a high pitched whine in her ears.

“Ye’re no’ the only one who’s hurting, Claire!” Jamie continued, voice dashing against the rocks of her name.  “We’re no’ meant tae suffer alone.  Ye, of all people, should ken that.”

Stunned in the silence following the thunderclap of his revelation, she couldn’t find the words to express her sorrow, her outrage, and her crippling shame.  By the time the power of speech returned, Jamie was gone. 

[sevarix-blogs]

fics two days in a row????

yes it is true. I have found a WIP that i never posted and I am posting it now!

All you have to do is ask

rating: T ships: setuela (seteth/manuela) notes: based on the prompt 'if you want to kiss me, all you have to do is ask' words: ~900

Read it on AO3 here! https://archiveofourown.org/works/35153857

Read it on tumblr below the cut!

It had been years since Seteth first insisted on accompanying Manuela to the bar, yet somehow he still made it a habit all this time later. She often wondered if he did it solely out of habit, or if he simply enjoyed it.

Sometimes Manuela didn’t even feel like drinking, but she still went because she knew he’d go with her, like always. She rarely even got drunk these days, especially with the war over, but even still he insisted on walking her back to her room. Manuela had realized years ago that he was simply a gentleman.

She had learned a lot about him during the past few years, both over drinks and during the war. By now she knew all about his heritage, his family, and most surprising of all his age. To think she once thought Seteth was younger than her almost made her laugh.

That evening, however, things were a bit different. Seteth had been quieter during their few drinks, and even more so on their walk to her room. Manuela grew a bit concerned that it was something she had done, as she felt it was the most likely reason for his silence. She had already asked, of course, and he had assured her she had not anything wrong, but Manuela was not sure if she could believe him.

That’s why she decided to be bold. If he truly wasn’t lying, surely he wouldn’t mind what she was about to do.

They were about halfway back to her room when she took a step closer to him as they walked in silence. Seteth didn’t move away from her, so she guessed that was a good sign. Now for the next part of her plan…

As casually as possible, Manuela reached out and took his hand, holding it in her own. Seteth stiffened at the gesture, but then relaxed, keeping his eyes forward. It was an expected response, since it was not something Manuela had ever done before. But since he did not protest, she guessed he had not been lying after all.

She smiled, pleased with herself. It was the most romantic thing she had done in years, and although it was only holding someone’s hand, she reveled in it.

When they finally reached the door to her room, she let go. Seteth lingered, still silent. She looked at him curiously, but he failed to meet her gaze. And as her eyes focused, she noticed something odd about his posture. He seemed… nervous.

“Seteth, are you all right?”

“I am fine,” he replied, still not meeting her eyes.

“You’ve been so quiet tonight. I’m starting to worry you’re not well.”

He shook his head, cheeks turning pink. “N-no, it’s nothing like that. I… I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Oh?”

He sighed. “About you,” he said quietly, as if he himself didn’t even want to hear the words.

Manuela held back a laugh. Was she really hearing him correctly? Did Seteth, the stoic, ancient man just blush in front of her?

It was then everything fell into place. His silence, his reaction to her hand, and now his lingering before her. She smiled. “If you want me to kiss you, all you have to do is ask.”

His face went from pink to red as he blinked at her, eyes wide. “Y-you cannot be serious!”

She laughed, then winked at him. “I can see it on your face. No need to deny it.”

He pursed his lips and glanced away, voice softening. “May I kiss you?”

Manuela put her hand on the side of his head, guiding his face toward hers. “I’d love that.”

She quickly realized Seteth was quite good at kissing. In fact, she couldn’t remember a time she had enjoyed a kiss as much as this one, although it had been quite a while. She most certainly hoped it wouldn’t be a one-time thing.

Just when she began to pull away, Seteth kissed her yet again. It was clear to her then just how badly he wanted it, and how badly the thought of it had been ruminating in his mind. She had no problem returning the gesture, and before she knew it, several minutes had passed.

When finally they parted, she found Seteth smiling back at her, eyes staring directly into her own.

“Thank you,” he said, cheeks still rosy. His hair had been tousled a bit as well, revealing a pointed ear.

“I should be thanking you,” she replied. “That was lovely.”

“I suppose I don’t need to tell you my feelings after that.”

She laughed. “I could take a guess.”

He took her hand and kissed the back of it. “You are a lovely woman.”

Now it was Manuela’s turn to blush. She couldn’t remember when she had last received such a genuine compliment. “You are a wonderful man,” she replied.

He smiled again. “I’m glad you think so. I hope we can enjoy many more evenings together.”

She wasn’t sure if he was implying something specific, but she nodded regardless. “I’ll make sure of it.”