#real/not real is hard to play when half the answers are buried in the meadow
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thinking about the existential horror of Peeta Mellark
to be someone who experienced abuse at the hands of his parents, to have the scars and physical proof buffed away to make him palatable for Capitol society, to have even the memories of it warped and wiped away, to have anyone who knew what really happened killed in the bombings
to be terrified of small spaces and raised voices and not know if it's because of the hijacking or something else, to never fully understand the white hot fury when his children misbehave or the ice cold fear of what that might mean
of how in the end all that's left is a vague feeling and no real way of knowing, because the only ones that truly know are him and his mother, because he cannot trust himself and she is dead and gone
(of how this is the fate of all survivors - scars faded, memories lost, standing alone in the ashes of what once was)
#the joys of being gaslit by your own brain#real/not real is hard to play when half the answers are buried in the meadow#it's something i've not really seen explored in fics#though tbf he's got so much other baggage to get through#cw child abuse#rambles#the hunger games#peeta mellark
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surprise early part 7 of the au where Xiao Xingchen is the one to raise Wei Wuxian because my birthday(oct. 4) is this week
--
“You’re thinking pretty loudly,” Song Lan mumbles in the darkness, his arm curling around Xiao Xingchen’s waist in a lazy hug before he sits up, “can you tell me what it is?” Song Lan’s hand stays on Xiao Xingchen’s knee, his thumb stroking back and forth.
Swallowing, Xiao Xingchen allows himself to lean into his husband’s space. “I didn’t mean to wake you, A-Ying sent a letter, that’s all.” Hearing that seems to shake any remaining drowsiness from Song Lan, his hand going tense on Xiao Xingchen’s knee.
“Is everything alright? Does he need us?” Song Lan drops his voice lower now, mindful of A-Qing sleeping just a few feet away from them. She’d shared a tent with Wei Ying before he’d gone, and she hadn’t been happy about the change, but they were all adjusting.
Xiao Xingchen sets the letter between them, shaking his head and lifting a hand to Song Lan’s face. “Nothing like that, he’s just got a crush on someone.” He says it quickly, guilt gnawing at him for the accidental panic. Song Lan blinks at him, but leans into the touch like a cat, blinking slowly.
“Is it that MianMian girl?”
“He hasn’t written about her since his third letter, I don’t think he even knows her real name.” Xiao Xingchen laughs quietly. Wei Ying had admitted to teasing her and Xiao Xingchen had scolded him as well as he could through a letter, though who knows how much good it had done. “He didn’t say who, he just asked me why someone would like another person.”
Song Lan reaches for the letter then, pausing first as if to ask permission and only taking it after Xiao Xingchen nods. It was by far the shortest letter their nephew had ever sent, his already messy handwriting messier with the late hour and the hurriedness of the question.
“I always thought we’d have that talk with him in person,” Xiao Xingchen sighs, running his thumb over the edge of the parchment, “now that it’s time for it, I don’t know what to say.” There were plenty of things he could say, he could tell Wei Ying to treat the person as kindly as possible, he could tell him to be genuine in every movement he made towards them, he could even tell him about the possibility of heartbreak, but it wouldn’t be the same as having his nephew right in front of him.
Song Lan catches him before he can go any further down that path, his hand wrapping around Xiao Xingchen’s wrist as he turns and presses a kiss to the palm against his cheek. “Do you want me to take this one?”
The offer is earnest enough that it makes Xiao Xingchen’s heart skip a beat, the smile finally coming back to his face as he leans forward and bumps his forehead against his husband’s. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You can, we’re married, you can ask me for anything.” Xiao Xingchen can hear the smile on Song Lan’s face as he speaks and he can feel it as he traces his thumb over his bottom lip.
“I’ll remember that the next time A-Qing doesn’t want to do her lessons,” Xiao Xingchen smiles, pulling the letter back into his own lap, “I’ll think of something, you go back to sleep.”
“Are you going to tell him about all the hearts you broke when you were his age?” Song Lan asks, setting his chin on his husband’s shoulder now, and smiling up at him.
Grinning, Xiao Xingchen pretends to hum thoughtfully, “I still lived on the mountain when I was A-Ying’s age, everyone there was my brother or my sister. I didn’t have a crush on anyone until a few years after I came down.” Xiao Xingchen intentionally keeps his answer vague, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for his husband to follow.
Song Lan snorts and lays back down beside Xiao Xingchen, his arm wrapping tightly around his waist now. “What was so special about him?”
“He was tall and handsome, maybe a little taller than me, but not by much. He was kind to A-Ying, that was important.” Xiao Xingchen’s fingers work through Song Lan’s hair as he speaks, pretending that he doesn’t notice the way he’s being watched. “He was a strong cultivator too, like most people that came from his temple. You don’t know how relieved I was to find out that they weren’t a celibate order.”
Song Lan goes still under his hand for a moment before realization crosses his face and he buries it against Xiao Xingchen’s hip, both arms wrapped around him now. “How can you say that with such a thick face?” Song Lan whines and Xiao Xingchen has to muffle his laughter behind his other hand, still trying his hardest not to wake their daughter. “I should have known you were the one A-Xian learned that from.”
If his husband weren’t wrapped so tightly around him, Xiao Xingchen would have leaned down and pressed a kiss against his hair, instead, he only lightly scratches at Song Lan’s scalp. “I only started acting like that after I met you, though.” Once he’s started teasing, it’s hard to stop unless Song Lan actually tells him to, but he takes pity on his husband this time.
“I have to tell him something, you go back to sleep, I’ll lay down in a while.” Xiao Xingchen says softly, and Song Lan comes out of his hiding spot, sighing as he looks up at him.
“Wake me if you need me?” Song Lan asks, grabbing for Xiao Xingchen’s hand in the darkness and lacing their fingers together when he finds it.
“I will.” Xiao Xingchen smiles, squeezing Song Lan’s hand for too short of a moment.
There’s more Song Lan wants to say, Xiao Xingchen can feel the tension of it as Song Lan lays against him. “I love you.” He says finally, his voice hushed but clear in the tent.
“I love you too.” Xiao Xingchen answers as easy as breathing.
~
Before they’d taken that trip to Caiyi Town, Wei Ying had always been the one to seek him out, chasing after Lan Wangji and calling his birth name with little regard for the rules or anyone else who might’ve been around to hear it, but now, Lan Wangji finds himself seeking Wei Ying out without prior cause or concern.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji says, refusing to run even as Wei Ying turns and waits for him. He had something important to show Wei Ying today, something that his uncle barely allowed but could do nothing about because the rules forbade anyone from hurting animals within Cloud Recesses.
Wei Ying smiles as Lan Wangji comes to stand in front of him, Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang still flanking him on either side. A look passes between them over Wei Ying’s shoulders, and Nie Huaisang hides his face behind his fan at the same time Jiang Wanyin shakes his head and looks away.
Lan Wangji decides to ignore the both of them. “There’s a place I would like Wei Ying to see.” Lan Wangji says it plainly, holding his arms behind his back to keep himself from reaching forward and taking Wei Ying’s wrist without his permission. “If Wei Ying does not have any other responsibilities.”
Their classes were done for the day, and Wei Ying was no longer being punished for anything, he’d finished copying the rules for his last prank days ago. He’d sat beside Lan Wangji and pretended to nap after he’d finished.
Wei Ying opens his mouth to answer, but Nie Huaisang speaks first. “A-Cheng, we were supposed to go do something, do you remember what it was?” Lan Wangji could throttle Nie Huaisang as he taps his fan against his chin, looking over at Jiang Wanyin as if they were playing a game.
“My sister needed our help with something, we’d better get going.” Jiang Wanyin answers, shoving Wei Ying towards Lan Wangji as he and Nie Huaisang hurry off in the other direction, not even bothering to look back as Lan Wangji puts a hand out to steady Wei Ying.
Lan Wangji wants to ask, but Wei Ying is looking at him again, and this time he laughs a little awkwardly. “What did you want to show me, Lan Zhan?” If Lan Wangji concentrates, he thinks he can see the slightest bit of color spreading across Wei Ying’s cheeks, it makes his mouth dry out.
“Mn.” Lan Wanji answers, tugging on Wei Ying’s wrist once before he lets go, only allowing himself to look back once to make sure Wei Ying was following him.
In the middle of their walk, Lan Wangji lets himself be bold, slowing down just enough for Wei Ying to walk beside him, their fingers brushing occasionally.
His uncle knew about the warren, but so far Lan Wangji had only allowed his brother to accompany him on his visits to the rabbits, the decision to bring Wei Ying to meet them had been as impulsive as Lan Wangji allowed himself to be.
The look on Wei Ying’s face as they come to stand in front of the rabbits is worth every minute Lan Wangji had spent wondering if it was truly a good idea or not.
“Lan Zhan, there’s so many of them!” Wei Ying’s mouth hangs open and Lan Wangji feels the corners of his mouth try and pull into a smile. Truthfully, this was only half the warren, the rest were either in their burrows or hidden in the taller grasses, Lan Wangji would never pull them out of their hiding places. “I thought pets were forbidden in Cloud Recesses.”
“Not pets, they are wild.” Lan Wangji says, carefully curling his fingers around Wei Ying’s wrist and leading him out to the middle of the meadow, his steps careful as some of the rabbits hop along beside him. He’d made the same argument to his uncle, but Lan Qiren had let the issue go like a particularly stubborn cat with a piece of meat. Lan Wangji suspects his brother has something to do with the rabbits’ continued existence in Cloud Recesses.
Bending down slowly, Lan Wangji picks up one of the younger rabbits and hands it to Wei Ying carefully, watching as he holds it in his hands uncertainly for a moment before he lifts it up to his face and scrunches his nose at it, a smile spreading across his face quickly.
Lan Wangji sits down carefully in the middle of the meadow, arranging his robes before he tugs at Wei Ying’s sleeve. For the first time since Lan Wangji has known him, Wei Ying sits down carefully, the rabbit cradled against his chest until he’s sure he won’t drop it. “Where did they all come from? I’ve never seen them anywhere else.”
“They came after my mother died.” Lan Wangji says quietly, picking up two of the rabbits clambering for his attention and setting them down in his lap. He’d considered not answering Wei Ying, but decided against it, he wanted Wei Ying to know things about him. “I do not know where they were before, but the spring after she’d gone, they were here.” Lan Wangji had taken to wandering off by himself that spring, he’d found the meadow and the rabbits by accident.
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying says, and Lan Wangji looks up from the rabbits slowly falling asleep on him. There isn’t pity in Wei Ying’s eyes, but the look in them is sad all the same, Lan Wangji barely notices Wei Ying’s hand until his fingers are pressed against his wrist.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji knows what he wants to say, but the words are stuck in his throat again. He tries to force them out, his ears turn red with the effort, but a letter, folded neatly and sealed lands between the two of them before the first syllable touches Lan Wangji’s tongue. “Your uncle?” Lan Wangji asks instead, focused on the letter now, rather than on Wei Ying’s face.
Wei Ying’s smile turns sheepish as he nods, setting his rabbit down in his lap before he tucks the letter into his sleeve. “There was something I needed his advice on last night.” Wei Ying says quickly, it doesn’t sound like a lie, but it doesn’t sound like the complete truth either, and Lan Wangji feels himself leaning forward, hoping that Wei Ying might explain further. “What were you going to say, Lan Zhan?”
The words go right back down his throat when Lan Wangji swallows, both of his hands going to stroke the sleeping rabbits. “Nevermind.”
Part of Lan Wangji wishes Wei Ying would argue with him, but another part of him is glad when he doesn’t. He doesn’t stop himself from watching the way Wei Ying lays down in the grass then, his Adam's apple bobbing as he watches Wei Ying lift his rabbit into the air and smile up at it.
Lan Wangji doesn’t have to think about it before he gently picks up the two rabbits in his lap and sets them on Wei Ying’s chest, scratching them between the ears when they blink sleepily at him.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying cries, lowering his rabbit just a little to look at Lan Wangji, “I won’t be able to get up like this!”
Despite the words burning in his stomach, Lan Wangji feels himself smile. “Be quiet. You’ll wake them.” Wei Ying’s pout only lasts for a moment before it breaks, that sunlit smile coming back onto his face as he seems to accept his fate.
“I think your Hanguang-jun is planning on burying me in your friends, little rabbit.” Wei Ying says, touching the rabbit’s nose to his one more time before he sets it down on his stomach.
“Only if Wei Ying asks.”
~
Wei Wuxian could guess at some of the things his uncle might’ve said in his letter. He would tell him to be genuine and treat Lan Zhan kindly, he would tell him not to play around, and if Uncle Song had seen the letter, he would’ve had something to say about it too. Knowing those things doesn’t stop him from turning a corner and hiding there as he breaks the seal.
He couldn’t read this kind of thing in the room he shared with Jiang Cheng, he and Nie Huaisang had already spent days making fun of him.
“A-Ying,
If you have someone in your heart, it’s best to tell them as soon as you can. Don’t make them guess, and don’t try to make them jealous. Be as genuine and as kind as I know you are and the rest will happen on it’s own time.
Be patient,
Uncle Xiao”
Wei Wuxian sinks down into a squat as he holds the letter limply in one hand. It had been late when he’d sent his letter, he hadn’t even been awake enough to sign it or tell his uncles who he liked, but now he wishes he had. Wei Wuxian wishes he could have asked both of his uncles in person, they would have teased him, and A-Qing would have pulled at his sleeve and demanded to know who he liked, but they would have answered every question he could have asked them.
The thought of his younger sister trying to give Lan Zhan a shovel talk makes him smile though, Lan Zhan would probably listen to her as seriously as he could, too.
“Brother Wei!” Nie Huaisang’s voice cuts through his thoughts and Wei Wuxian forces himself upright, tucking Uncle Xiao’s letter back into his sleeve as he crosses his arms over his chest. He still had to pretend to be mad at both Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng for running off on him like that.
Nie Huaisang is grinning once he’s finally face to face with Wei Wuxian, his eyes looking his friend up and down like he’d expected some sort of change in the two hours Wei Wuxian had spent with Lan Zhan. “How did it go? You and Lan Wangji were gone for such a long time, A-Cheng and I thought that we should look for you.”
“Did you tell him?” Jiang Cheng asks, finally catching up to Nie Huaisang, “Or are you just going to keep complaining to me about it?” Wei Wuxian can only keep up a silent act for so long around Jiang Cheng, his mouth already open as he turns towards Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang exclaims.
“Those are grass stains! Brother Wei, I didn’t think you were the type.” Wei Wuxian���s cheeks burn as he presses himself back against the wall behind him, though Jiang Cheng tries and fails to pull him away from it.
“Nothing like that happened!” Wei Wuxian barely keeps himself from yelling, swatting at their hands. “We just played with some bunnies, that’s all!” From where they have him cornered, Wei Wuxian can see a look pass between Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang.
“Liar, pets are forbidden in Cloud Recesses, there aren’t any rabbits here.” Jiang Cheng declares, looking him up and down suspiciously, gesturing with his chin.
“Brother Wei, I expected a better excuse than that from you.” Nie Huaisang flicks his fan out across his face as he says it, waggling his eyebrows.
“They were wild rabbits, they aren’t anyone’s pets.” Wei Wuxian defends himself, sniffing and refusing to look at his friends now.
“They’re obviously Lan Wangji’s pets if they didn’t run away the second they saw the two of you coming.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes now, and Wei Wuxian takes the chance to stick his tongue out at him. “You!”
Jiang Cheng swings wide and Wei Wuxian ducks out of the way, pulling Nie Huaisang in front of him as Jiang Cheng chases after him, pushing him away just in time to leap over the railing of the deck they’d been standing on.
If his friends wanted to know about his afternoon with Lan Wangji so badly, he was going to make them chase him for it.
~
“Uncle Xiao?” Wei Ying calls, coming out of his tent slowly and then straightening as Xiao Xingchen waves him over.
“I thought I sent you to bed hours ago, A-Ying, Uncle Song and I already agreed to take turns keeping watch.” Something about this place didn’t feel right, it didn’t matter that they’d never been here before, something had been nagging at Xiao Xingchen until he and his husband had made the decision to stay up until morning came.
Xiao Xingchen lifts his arm up to allow Wei Ying to sit as close as he wants, he was only ten, but Xiao Xingchen knew that one day he might not want to sit with him like this anymore. “I can’t sleep, it doesn’t feel right here.” Wei Ying mumbles into his uncle’s robes as Xiao Xingchen’s arm wraps around his shoulders and nods. It doesn’t surprise him that Wei Ying had noticed.
“Do you remember what Uncle Song and I taught you about the Yiling Burial Mounds, A-Ying?” They were still several miles away from the mountain, but the resentment there spread underneath the soil like roots, clawing out at anything living that didn’t know any better.
Wei Ying hums beside him as he thinks, thumping his head against Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder. “It used to be a celestial land, but a war made resentful energy sink into the ground and made it uninhabitable. One of the clans tried to suppress it, but it didn’t work.”
“Very good, A-Ying, but which clan tried suppression?” Xiao Xingchen allows himself the pride that’s in his voice, smiling despite the heaviness of his eyes.
“One of the Wen branches?” Wei Ying tries, looking up at Xiao Xingchen for confirmation, but he gives his nephew nothing.
“Think hard.”
“It wasn’t Dafan Wen, that’s Wen Ning and Granny Wen’s branch.” Wei Ying’s eyebrows are knit together now, and Xiao Xingchen has to stop himself from smoothing them out. “It was Qishan Wen, wasn’t it?” Wei Ying is grinning now, nudging Xiao Xingchen until he chuckles quietly.
“My nephew is so very wise,” Xiao Xingchen sighs, squishing his cheek against the top of Wei Ying’s head, “do you see that mountain peak over there?” He points at the horizon, able to single out the Burial Mounds without the light of day. Wei Ying sits up and leans into Xiao Xingchen’s space to see where his uncle is pointing before he settles back down.
“Is that it?” Wei Ying asks, his eyes are wide and they only get wider when Xiao Xingchen nods.
“The resentful energy won’t harm us here, but we can still feel it, A-Ying. The Burial Mounds are a dangerous place, even for us. Many cultivators have died trying to purify it.” Xiao Xingchen pulls his face into something serious as he speaks, silently drawing out a charm and flicking it towards the fire before he turns to face his nephew. “Do you understand?”
It was a simple glamor charm, but it worked perfectly, casting long shadows across his face as the fire spit and crackled just in time with his hand as it clamps down on Wei Ying’s shoulder.
Wei Ying falls away from him with a shout, falling back on his behind with his hands digging into the dirt while Xiao Xingchen laughs. It was a mean trick to play, but it had been so long since he’d managed to think up a story scary enough to make his nephew react like that.
“Uncle Xiao!” Wei Ying cries, his cheeks turning three different shades of pink in seconds while Xiao Xingchen leans back against the tree they’d been sitting against, still laughing.
Pushing down the rest of his laughter with a cough, Xiao Xingchen pats the spot next to him again. “I was only teasing you, A-Ying, Uncle Xiao is sorry.” Truly he wasn’t, just like Wei Ying truly wasn’t angry with him, his nephew only waits him out for a few more seconds before the hooting of an owl has him rushing back underneath his uncle’s arm.
“It’s almost time for Uncle Song’s watch,” Xiao Xingchen hums, rubbing circles onto Wei Ying’s back and smiling down at him, “do you want to sleep in our tent tonight?” Xiao Xingchen would have offered even if he hadn’t just been the one to scare his nephew, but he doubles down as an apology.
A moment of quiet passes between them, and for a second of it, Xiao Xingchen thinks Wei Ying might actually be angry at him, but then he’s speaking quietly.
“Will you tell me a story that isn’t scary?”
Smiling, Xiao Xingchen nods, combing his fingers through Wei Ying’s hair. “Uncle Xiao will tell Wei Ying any kind of story he wants to hear. Go wake up Uncle Song for me.”
Closing his eyes and breathing in deeply, Xiao Xingchen allows the memory to tether him back down. This place was nowhere near as stifling as the areas surrounding the Burial Mounds was, but the feeling still pressed against his chest like a boulder.
He was glad they hadn’t brought A-Qing along with them this time, he would have to make sure he thanked the grandmother that had agreed to watch her once they were done here. “Xingchen,” Song Lan whispers, wrapping his hand around his husband’s and squeezing.
“I’m here.” Xiao Xingchen answers, squeezing back. The fog was thick enough that Xiao Xingchen doubted he’d be able to see Song Lan through it if he weren’t standing right next to him.
“Does this fog remind you of anything?” Song Lan asks, pressing himself closer as his dark eyes stare ahead of them, trying to make out any shapes that could be trouble.
“Kuizhou.” Xiao Xingchen answers after a moment, the memories of stubborn and angry spirits coming back to the front of his mind. “The fog wasn’t this thick.” The spirits had tried to lead them in circles, crying out names neither Song Lan nor Xiao Xingchen knew before they’d finally lashed out.
“We need to stay as close as we can.” Song Lan decides, pressing the whole of his arm against Xiao Xingchen’s now, and Xiao Xingchen nods. If the villager’s accounts were accurate, they were hunting a demon instead of a few ghosts who’d dug their claws into the ground.
They walk forward together and Shuanghua’s quiet hum gets louder in Xiao Xingchen’s head, suspicion licking at the edges of his mind like flames. He nearly draws the sword out of its sheath if only to quiet it, but that could give away their position.
It only takes a single look to know that Song Lan feels the same pull. Forcing himself to focus, Xiao Xingchen stares into the trees, sudden movement making his eyes narrow and his back straighten.
“Something’s there.” They’re both on the defensive, nodding to each other before they change their direction. The movements are becoming more pronounced as they get closer, until they’re able to make out the shape of two bodies moving towards them.
“Lan Zhan, where did everybody go? They were here just a second ago.” The voice Xiao Xingchen hears through the fog is undeniable, but he hesitates to trust it, demons weren’t above using ploys like that one.
Breathing deeply, Xiao Xingchen forces himself to follow along with Song Lan, hoping that his nephew truly wasn’t out in this fog somewhere. The person walking beside Wei Ying doesn’t answer, they’re nearly face to face when Xiao Xingchen’s stomach finally sinks.
“A-Ying, what are the two of you doing out here?” His nephew jumps and falls against Lan Wangji at the sound of his voice, and any other time, Xiao Xingchen might’ve laughed at the sight of it.
Song Lan lets go of his husband’s hand long enough to cross his arms over his chest.
“Uncle Xiao! Uncle Song!” Wei Ying says, the smile on his face only confirms that the boy in front of Xiao Xingchen really was his nephew instead of some demon’s trick.
“Answer the question, A-Xian, then tell us who your friend is.”
“I’ve told you about Lan Zhan plenty of times, Uncle Song.” Wei Ying pouts, allowing Lan Wangji to help him up from the forest floor. “The town on the other side of this forest petitioned Grandmaster Lan for help with some ghosts, he sent a few of the senior disciples along with some of us so we could hone our cultivation skills.”
“My seniors underestimated the strength of these beings, we were separated from the others.” Lan Wangji says, bowing deeply to both Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. The humming in the back of his head had quietened since they’d come upon Wei Ying and Lan Wangji, Xiao Xingchen should’ve known Shuanghua had been sensing Suibian.
Looking at his husband, Xiao Xingchen frowns before turning back to the boys. “How many of you were there?” There was no denying the skill of Lan disciples, but too many cultivators on the same nighthunt only led to confusion and frustration.
“Two seniors and four of us juniors, right, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asks, looking to his partner for confirmation.
“Six juniors, Wen Qionglin and Nie Huaisang are also attending this nighthunt.” Lan Wangji clarifies, his eyes softening just a bit when he looks at Wei Ying.
Xiao Xingchen knew that look, Xiao Xingchen had both given and received that look.
Clearing his throat, Xiao Xingchen chooses to push that knowledge to the side for the moment. “It’s too dangerous for the two of you to wander around on your own.” Xiao Xingchen decides quickly, his eyes moving from his nephew to Lan Wangji so they both understand what he means.
“Walk with us until we can find your seniors, and then we can-” Song Lan is cut off by a long, hateful growl that shakes the ground underneath their feet, the trees around them swaying and protesting it.
That definitely wasn’t the sound of a stubborn ghost.
“I want the both of you on the defensive, right now.” Song Lan says, his shoulders growing tense, even as Wei Ying and Lan Wangji both nod, their backs pressing against each other in perfect time to the way Song Lan’s and his backs press together, their swords in their hands as the fog begins to thicken even further.
Shuanghua’s humming has started again, the sword trying to guess which direction the trouble was coming from, and reaching out farther when it doesn’t find anything right in front of them.
“On the left,” Wei Ying announces, raising Suibian as something surges out of the forest. The spirit, the demon, whatever it is, is faster than Xiao Xingchen’s eyes can follow, he only sees it as it bounces off Suibian with a cry, rolling onto the dirt and gearing up for another attack.
Xiao Xingchen flings a purification talisman at it, but the beast dodges and sets its sights on him, hackles raised as it sizes him up.
“Spread out and corner it, it’s not alone. Draw the big one out by going after the little one.” Song Lan says, his eyes careful as Fuxue slashes forward, catching the beast in the shoulder as it launches itself at Xiao Xingchen. Looking at it now, Xiao Xingchen can see how it might have been human once, but the thing has long since been twisted by resentful energy.
The beast crawls backwards on all fours, growling pathetically as its back hits the tree behind it. “Uncle Xiao,” Wei Ying whispers at his side, Suibian outstretched alongside Lan Wangji’s sword, “what could turn a person into this?”
Pressing his mouth into a fine line, Xiao Xingchen forces himself to run a critical eye over the demon in front of them. It’s skin was pale and blotchy, turning a sickly green color in places, its teeth jagged whenever it thought to bear them, the claws seemingly permanently stained with dark earth.
“An improper or disrespectful burial.” Xiao Xingchen says, his free hand flying to his nephew’s arm when the demon lunges at them. “Look at the claws, it dug itself out.” Xiao Xingchen had been talking to Wei Ying, but he sees Lan Wangji nodding along, if nothing else, he could give the boys a lesson while they waited.
“My uncle tells me these beasts are rare, but they have common cousins in the west.”
“Very good, Lan Wangji.” Xiao Xingchen says, his and Song Lan’s eyes meeting impatiently, but Xiao Xingchen can only shake his head. “Can either of you tell me what separates these from the western species?”
“The western species only produces one monster, the child of a cursed mother.” Wei Ying says, looking past the tree they’d backed the beast against.
“The eastern species turns the cursed mother into a monster after the child is born.” Lan Wangji finishes.
“Killing the child before the mother arrives only enrages it.” Song Lan says, swallowing thickly. “It’s better to draw the mother out, she’ll be defensive of the child, but we can use the opportunity to purify as much of the resentful energy as we can.”
He seems to be as determined to turn this into a lesson as Xiao Xingchen had been, normally, something like that would bring a fond smile onto his face, but not now, not when they were still waiting for the mother to arrive.
The child in front of them seems to finally understand the situation and lets out a loud and distressed noise, threatening to burst their eardrums as it wails.
The earth is thundering underneath them again, but the four of them dig their heels into the ground, looking around until the mother appears from around a tree, her long, dirt stained nails twisting into the tree’s bark and dragging a gash into it.
She maintains her distance at first, long enough that Xiao Xingchen can see that she’d been buried with her robes turned the wrong way, they were dirt and bloodstained, her long, stringy hair covering her face as she starts towards them, her movements jerky and slow.
“Everyone get back, let her go to the child.” Xiao Xingchen orders, and they all leap backwards, three of them drawing out purification talismans from their sleeves and Lan Wangji following suit seconds after the rest of them.
Their group stands as still as stone as they watch her cross, a low wail escaping her mouth in answer to the child’s. As soon as she drops to her knees, four talismans go flying towards them, two for her, and two for the child.
They cover their ears in anticipation, though the rumbling and the wailing still cuts through, all four of them grimacing as the mother claws at her own head when the child dissolves into nothingness in front of her. She tries ripping at the purification talismans then, but they only throw more at her, until her upper arms are completely covered in them.
She rises to her feet slowly, and all four of them go back on the defensive, her wide, angry eyes centering on Wei Ying as she breaks out into a shambling run.
Lan Wangji steps in front of him, but Xiao Xingchen pushes them both out of the way, letting himself be tackled by the monster instead. His head bounces off a rock as he goes down, and Xiao Xingchen can feel the bones in his arm crack as she lands on him, her dirty nails ripping at the front of his robes.
He needs to get up, he needs to push her off and pierce her heart with Shuanghua, but when he reaches for the sword with his unbroken arm, it’s too far away and his head swims in blackness whenever he tries to sit up.
The weight on his chest falls off to the side suddenly then, with one final wail that makes Xiao Xingchen feel as though his skull is going to crack in two. The smile on his face is gentle as he looks up at his husband.
“Uncle Xiao!” Wei Ying cries, landing on his knees next to him, and if Xiao Xingchen could move his arm without bells in his head going off, he’d stroke Wei Ying’s hair out of his face.
“We have a doctor from Qishan Wen in our class this year, I’ll find her and bring her back here.” Lan Wangji says urgently, speaking to Song Lan and no one else before he leaves.
Weakly, Xiao Xingchen wonders if he’s finally going to meet the granddaughter Granny Wen’s always spoken of whenever they’d stopped by Dafan Mountain.
#the untamed#mdzs#songxiao#wangxian#xiao xingchen#wei wuxian#song lan#song zichen#lan wangji#lan zhan#the monster for this one is made up btw im white so i didnt want to bastardize a monster from actual folk lore#so i made one thats a combo of a shtriga from the wi/tc/he/r and a banshee#as usual the ao3 link and links to the other parts will be in the reblog to my main
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Oof this one hurt
thinking about the existential horror of Peeta Mellark
to be someone who experienced abuse at the hands of his parents, to have the scars and physical proof buffed away to make him palatable for Capitol society, to have even the memories of it warped and wiped away, to have anyone who knew what really happened killed in the bombings
to be terrified of small spaces and raised voices and not know if it's because of the hijacking or something else, to never fully understand the white hot fury when his children misbehave or the ice cold fear of what that might mean
of how in the end all that's left is a vague feeling and no real way of knowing, because the only ones that truly know are him and his mother, because he cannot trust himself and she is dead and gone
(of how this is the fate of all survivors - scars faded, memories lost, standing alone in the ashes of what once was)
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