#real talk thinking about the need for a backup made me too sad so i chose the cop-out option

[penitent-stranger]

Bonus Character Introduction: [REDACTED]

(character image from COMP/CON, mech art from retrograde minis)

NAME: [UNKNOWN]

MECH: STÖRTEBEKER

CALLSIGN: KICK-BACK

AFFILIATION: [UNKNOWN]

Meet my back-up character! No, you do not get his face or name. It's a secret.

I wanted to do something fun with this character, so when I created him, I handed him off to my gm with permission that they could do anything they wanted with him. When he shows up in-game, it'll be as an NPC - a pleasant little surprise for everyone involved. ^.^ Except for maybe the pcs. I have some idea of what he's been up to, but any fics written about him are pure speculation. This is pure self-indulgence. For Me.

First fic goes up tomorrow!

[multific]

Offering

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend and you break up before a mission.

Somehow, you knew, you could see it in his eyes.

Somehow, you knew, you could see it in his eyes.

It was your biggest fear and it became true.

He no longer loved you.

You should have noticed the signs, you should have seen it all coming.

Now that you recall, his touches were extremely different, he barely kissed you or even talked with you.

He didn't love you anymore and it shattered you.

Instead of letting him ramble on with this 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit, you simply stood up and left.

You had a mission in a couple of days anyway.

Taskforce 141 knew that their precious little flower had issues.

From the moment they saw you, they knew something was off.

Thankfully, during the mission, you were able to take your mind off of your ex.

Barely even thinking, you moved on instinct.

Currently, you were with Ghost, waiting for backup before heading into another fight.

Your target was inside a mansion and you two needed some backup before heading in.

"I didn't want to mention this, but I can see it is bothering you. Something happened, Daisy?"

You looked up into his eyes, it was weird to see him trying to be so professional while still calling you by your code name.

"I broke up with my boyfriend. We didn't exactly talk about it but I could see in his eyes he didn't love me anymore. So... yeah."

"He is a dumbass. You deserve a real man."

His honesty made you turn and look at him. You could only smile as he refused to meet your eyes. He knew he overshared. He should have just said 'sorry' and moved on, but he fucked up.

"A real man sounds about right. You know anyone?" he didn't say a word only shook his head, no. "That's sad. I was hoping you were offering," you smirked. "But oh well... Maybe Johnny would be open..."

"No." his reply came way too quickly. There was a couple minutes of silence between the two of you.

"Backup in 10 LT." came Johnny's voice over the radio.

"Copy." Ghost replied.

"You told me many times to leave him because he is not good enough for me. And here I am... I guess I'm more disappointed in myself for trying to believe that it could be real." you said as you let out a sigh.

"You did nothing wrong. He is an idiot."

"A gone idiot." you finished before the chopper arrived. Giving Ghost a smile.

You weren't sure if you were only imagining things.

You swore you could see something in his eyes, something soft and caring.

---

The mission was finished. The information had been obtained.

And you were only the lovely new owner of a shot wound on your arm.

The wound was now all bandaged up and you were ready to head back for some rest.

Ghost closely followed you as you were heading to your room.

"Y/N..." his voice came from behind you as you smiled and turned to face him. You two spent a good amount of time looking at one another before he spoke up again, his voice low.

"Maybe, I am offering." this made your eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"A-are you?" your previous confidence seem to have died down as he took a couple of steps closer to you, eyes never leaving yours.

"I am." he said as his thumb came up to your bottom lip.

You two just stared at one another he moved you into your room as he kicked the door closed.

Using the darkness in the room to his advantage, his face was bare as he placed his lips on yours.

You didn't need to be told twice, you pulled him to the bed without another question or without breaking the kiss.

---

You woke up the next morning to a dull pain in your lower region and a hand on your waist.

Suddenly the reality of the situation hit you like a cold shower.

You had sex with your Lieutenant.

And it was amazing.

You were sure the two of you went on for hours and many rounds. He was an amazing lover, a giver but he also knew how and what to take from you.

You lost count of how many orgasms he gave you but you can recall that he always made your legs shake.

You enjoyed the night.

It was a good distraction from your fucked up life.

But now, that it was morning, you knew, this will all come to an end.

You felt him slightly move behind you as his breath hit your neck.

"I can hear you thinking, Daisy." using your code-name possibly wasn't the best idea he ever had.

You felt distanced from him again.

"You are overthinking." he said again and you wanted to laugh but couldn't. "This doesn't have to be any more than a night if you don't want it to be. I am now offering something more."

"You are not a relationship kind of guy, Simon."

"I could be." his reply came so fast, he made you believe it.

"So what? A secret relationship where you could come to my room and always have to look behind you trying to see if someone was looking?"

"I wanted you for long enough. I feel like I would agree to any conditions." this made you turn and look at him, searching his eyes for a lie which you never found.

You were doomed.

---

And now, you were fucked.

With a dislocated shoulder, a huge gash on your leg, you could barely stand.

Thank God you were sitting.

Sitting and bleeding out.

You let out a long sigh before you hit the radio.

"Guys, I'm not in good shape. My shoulder is fucked, I am bleeding rapidly. I managed to hide in a shop down the street but I feel like they will find me any moment. I'm running low on amo and-"

"Where are you? I'll get you." Simon's voice came over the radio.

"In the perfume store at the back, hiding behind the counter." you replied.

"Stay there, I'm almost there. Gaz, get the chopper. Johnny, how's he mission?"

"Almost got the maps, LT."

"Meet us at the meeting point Johnny." You soon heard the radio get silent as the door to the store opened, you tried to peak. "Y/N?"

"Here." you replied as Simon arrived by your side with a first aid kit.

"What happened?"

"Turned out, I can take guys like you not only in bed." you smirked but Simon didn't find it so funny. "I dislocated my shoulder and he cut my leg." you said with a more serious tone as he grabbed your leg and put a bandage on it, stopping the bleeding.

"I can put your shoulder back." he said and you knew, this is going to hurt.

When he grabbed your arm, you prepared for the worst.

It was a terrible feeling, feeling your shoulder pop right back as you let out a groan.

"Good girl." he said and if you weren't in such a pain, you for sure would have made a dirty comment.

Soon, the chopper arrived and after having a showdown with a couple guys, you were on your way back to the base.

At that point, you lost consciousness. The blood loss caught up to you.

"Daisy?" Johnny asked and you let out a noise. "Just making sure you are all good." he replied. "You made Lt rather worried today." Soap smirked as you let out another groan. Simon looked at Johnny with an angry expression.

"Let her sleep." he said as Johnny put two of his hands up in defence.

"Sorry, Lt." Simon moved to sit next to you, holding your hand, checking your pulse. "I always had a feeling you would be a protective kind of boyfriend." you opened your eyes to that, looking at Johnny. "What? You thought your room is sound proof?! Also, it's so clear that you two are dating. I'm just said you didn't tell me."

"Or me!" replied Gaz with a huff.

"How did you know?" asked Ghost.

"As I said the room is not sound proof and as quiet as you two are, we could hear the noises still. And you are not that sneaky, Lt."

"A big guy like you was basically a beacon walking into her room." said Gaz.

Simon let out a groan.

"Captain also knows. He knew before us actually. I believe he knew even before you two. He always said you two make a good team and it was only a matter of time." Gaz explained and you let out a shaky breath, squeezing Simon's hand.

"I told you to be quiet." he turned to you as you snapped your eyes at him.

"Quiet?! QUIET?! How the fuck am I supposed to be quiet?"

"You have so many pillows, you should have used one!"

"Well, excuse me! Mr 'Let me hear ya Doll'!" Both Johnny and Kyle laughed. "Are you guys... really okay with this? With me and Simon?" you asked with a rather shaky breath.

"Of course! More than okay actually. I always said that Lt needed some lovin'. Captain asked us to see if it will affect the missions. And it did, but in a good way." Johnny nodded as soon you would arrive back to base.

"Thank you." you and Simon said in unison as you landed.

Nurses barged in to get you to the medbay as soon as possible.

Simon could only watch as you were taken away.

Johnny and Kyle both patted him on the back before leaving.

Price arrived soon after.

Simon was sitting in the medbay, waiting to be let in so he could see you. This is when the captain sat down next to him.

"You two could have told us."

"We were afraid we would be separated or discharged."

"I would never do that. Sure the others don't have to know, but as a team, we are responsible for each other." Simon nodded at Price.

"Thank you."

"There is nothing to thank. Let's have a drink once she is better." Just as John said that, a nurse came to inform that Simon could go in.

He sat down in the chair next to you, holding your hand.

You two really thought you were secretive enough.

But you were okay with the others knowing. At least in front of them, you didn't have to pretend anymore.

Simon leaned over to give you a kiss on the forehead.

Taglist: @fleursirvart​ @greenarrowhead​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @sincerelyfan​ @theoneanna​ @aestheticsandmarvel​ @rororo06​ @castellandiangelo​ @destynelseclipsa​ @spilledinkindumpster​ @capsiclesdoll​ @puknow​ @alwayshave-faith​ @alex12948​ @lxdyred​  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl​ @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek​ @praline357​ @trshngyn​ @avengers-r-us​ @violet-19999​ @top1bbgloak​   @manduse​   @jacalineiscomingforyou​  

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[the-firebird69]

bmws1000r braking #bmws1000rr #thesagarvaghela #bmw#trending

She's just a dog but she's okay she's a favorite here and it's always up and is considered to be a British person he told the trucker it's up to him but I like you to find her and see if she's okay and I think she went that way and he says okay so you told people and he's looking for her and found her and why did you come here you almost made me over it's kind of saying that a little did you jumped out in front and she did so he grabs her puts in the truck and his feeding her and she sleeps they brought her to a new home and she said good I'm afraid of that guy so she says this I don't like it but I know it's not him and it's a hard job they drive around all the time and she says okay I remember you you had kids we'll leave me alone when I was sick him saying are you going to get better and oh no try to feed me stuff and I felt too sick and just run it out and I started eating and I felt better and I kept eating and it still got a hold of me and it was and rabies they're secure and it should not now so I hit the little cold little she came back she was mad and said we can fix it but we can't and you and Brian were trying to get her iron in vitamins and she said there's something in the food she felt better she smells like tasted and spits it out picks it up and swallows it and has had it before and she's doing it a lot she's a real good shape and it just overtook her she's fine now

Girls to show you there's too much stuff too many things out there these people are overwhelmed this animals need homes.

He learned it again from the guy at the park he's been kind of mean but they're all doing that and our son said well if anybody goes in your house they'll get f***** up cuz they're looking at me funny and usually they are friendly they know who I am they're wagging their tails they said you're right about something so he's got him to drink and a bunch I'm peeing it out having a good time talking to each other about it that's two guys they said this he's just kind of weeded weighted and he says oh yeah but our son was saying it he's doing it himself so they're looking at him a lot and he couldn't figure it out and this is and he goes yeah that's right so goes and drinks a bunch of water so you got to use bottled water for them too from now on and he goes okay so you get like a six pack or anybody she's giving it to them and say this one is different it tastes better and you're drinking it and so then they said this now all the time Andy Craig Wilson goes okay so they they get that and he can put it out in a bottle of water thing it says he can go to the shopping mall and it's just still a lot better and get a big jug and he says how do you dispense it and I have to get one of those dispensers that's great for the dog order dog water and you have it back up like a Brita filter and he says you know what I'm going to do that and then you can use a backup if you need it any smiles and says this guy is pretty smart and he says how's it going that bad I'm getting some stuff out and he knows who he is one of my kids but it's not a Mac and it says good so they're having a much better time tonight and they're bushed and they rested any and fed them and they're laying there farting the guy just I can't stand this anymore at least you have people around any last it says okay it says you just can't have the same room at night in case you pass out and they'll be barking and stuff and alert people so he goes this is a problem and he was sleeping with him in the room and then he keeps him out of the room and he kept and he's going to do it and people will see it that's the way you have to do and get them used to it his mom was flying him so bad and when he's alone you got sad so her son said you stay out here and I'm in here you did for a while and didn't care and slept all night and he got mad so he let me in a little and said I'm your friend you should know that and he is afraid so he's holding on to him and he's fell asleep and was sleeping for hours after he got up and finally he's up and he felt groggy and sucked in the other room and his mom was acting weird she had shots and she was felt gross and she went a little nuts and it was medicine for her mind and it did not help and we are going to go after them you know who it is these guys are always doing that stupid stuff but it's really nice and we know which ones hey we got to take them out and these other Max are waiting more shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

There's a lot going on there's too many people doing dumb things is too rude here just too many enemies of his as they call it and they're way too aggressive and these Max are doing tons of stuff that's stupid I have to tell you they made so many people angry that's just how and he's trying to make it better and his way works and he was taught by us and we're trying to make it better and this guy keeps creeping up on us and at least trumpsters are a menace and people say we feel bad for you we've never seen this before and it's true he is horrendous and I feel bad for my son he's gone through this whole life and what do you mean it or not you should not be doing it it's getting you killed and he says I can't help it I said well you're going to die she's saying it because it's happening to you my son says I I don't know this he says it everyday they don't register it and you're such an a****** you have to go home Joel and stay there.

Camilla

We're on this now and we're going to take care of the problem I've heard this a lot he cares he's worried for his life but probably get a little worse and I don't see the Manning up with the things are changing and they're changing cuz these guys are getting smaller how absurd and he says he's not a surprise and he doesn't want to make it worse they're just really not into help me out or doing anything anymore it's terrible

Mac daddy

Go ahead with your suggestion and we did before and we set up a call station and it's for Edmonds and a lot of people say this and we are sitting on kits sending kits and we tell them what batteries to get cuz they can buy them and they're industrial and a square and they're lithium ion and they last for two loans of about 2 acres each Moe and it is nice they say and they use the engines we'll see in motorcycles it's not a tough business it's fun and people have stories and how it works so well and sometimes a mess it up and you have to have them fix it we have that and it's going really well and with piggybacking and using the name it's not a bad name there's several businesses are going to do that with one of them is the dagger and I put a list together of what we want to piggyback and I'm in the process of getting approved because he's making several million that's a week I'm going forwards now and this is great and the kit car too is starting people have had it and they're looking for these minis and they're looking for the Fiat and the Volkswagen and they have old kit companies and they'll start doing it cuz these assholes are in the way and they don't want to do anything even regular cars and we have to start working on that he says and Thor and Frrya we have to have industrial cities, we have several and we're going to create more and he says I want every single factory in our areas up and running in one week and all of them and I don't care if you can have them running at a minimal but I want them up and in shape and ready to hire and fill it in with what we need if we have an emergency and we need ammo I want those factories and screw these people and I mean the max. And now it's him and we're going to go ahead and do that and I'm putting in an order this is a war we're no longer going to be lackadaisical it doesn't fool anyone and they can't tell if you're not if we're not they can't tell and we're going to be making appliances and small ones and large appliance for houses tons of stuff yachts too. He wants to go to the boat show and buy a couple boats or more than a couple and wants to buy one for his friend and if you meet anybody else the company he doesn't have to buy it and that's what he wants to do wants to hand him the title I'm actually seeing something they're probably trying to make him pay for it and we're going to use that to get this going I think this is great and what he's doing and she is and he says it should be it's kind of Thor Freya the business idea. We're going to give you the Comic-Con and your bane routine is awesome they said I'll probably get in trouble and we have to watch what you're saying he says. And we are going to go ahead and start removing idiots here they have no idea what they're talking about it's going to be fun and we want to do the stuff we have a need and we're going to fill it ASAP

And those are real Lamborghinis and Ferrari in their in their video but they're old they're probably 20 years old and I know it and they do the video in the future and they are going to start making some kind of products it looks like plastic brakes but now they're talking about taking money

Thor Freya

Olympus

[mareposie]

last chapter update

What a relief ! Yuri is a tsundere and cares about his niece but I love how he needed to mention Yor to justify his feelings. Becky’s father is such a drama queen and I’m curious about his relationship with Martha because who casually slaps the Blackbell CEO like this ? Perhaps Martha is truly Becky’s mother which would totally makes sense since the series have this pattern of “Man with a wife/girlfriend who can kick his ass”. The way she was calmer than him just adds up to my theory. 

Anya teasing her whole class by hitting the bomb is pure Anya’s shenanigans, she was having the time of her life. But it made me sad because Becky was crying and saying “Not my Anya”.

Damianya crumbs ? It was a full plate I’m afraid, I’m not talking about “Look, we’re matching now”. I’m talking about how Damian thinks he knows her so well that her putting a whole show with the bomb is her copping mechanism because she’s afraid. And that’s beautiful. He stood up for her and got a bomb for her because he didn’t want her to feel alone in this situation. It really gives me overprotective older brother and baby sister in a certain way.

He was afraid too and she held his hand to reassure him just like he held her hand when she was afraid of the thunder in the light novel. Her biggest mistake was to tell him the bomb was a fake one (I think Damian’s a real one tho because the Red circus had a backup plan). It’s surprising because we know Anya can be manipulative and she could have used Damian’s fear to her advantage but instead she forgot about the mission and allowed Tsundere Damian to comeback.

Kudos to Damian who confirmed that he will be the one to find out about the Forgers’ secret, first he was suspicious of her reading minds and now he wondered if she was raised by an assassin. It was on the heat of the moment but those thoughts will never leave his mind especially when he will be safe and able to think clearly. Because he will ask Anya how she knew her bomb is a fake one and we know Damian is not Becky. Will she lie or tell the truth ?

I think either way Anya will be in a tight spot but can use it as a leverage because if they get Stellas for this and Anya is suspected for “cheating”, Damian and Becky (and Bill) will automatically be suspected as well. Especially since the Blackbell company was ready to help. So if Damian speaks and doesn’t defend Anya, he might tarnish the Desmond name with rumors and we all know that can’t happen.

Anyway Damian and Anya on their way of getting 2 Stellas in a row.

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | Chapter Five

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, handcuffs, thigh fucking, public sex, exhibitionism, edging, vibrators, dirty talk, dom spencer

word count: 4.6K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and Saturdays

Chapter Five | Masterlist

He’s ripped from a peaceful slumber by his work phone ringing on the night table. Y/N asleep on his chest, he tries to reach for it without waking her, successfully he answers with a groggy whisper, “hello?”

“Morning sleepy head?” Emily laughs, “it’s 10 am, Reid, why are you whispering?”

“I’m with my girlfriend, she’s still asleep,” he realizes he’s never told the team flat out that he was seeing someone, they all guessed but none of them had really asked.

“Oh,” Emily seems just as shocked that he said it. “We have a local case, I need you here for the geo profile and then you can go back to your mandated break.”

“I’ll be in, in 30,” he replies before hanging up.

“Can I come?” She whispers against him, obviously awake from all the commotion.

“Sure,” he shrugs, “if you don’t mind seeing and hearing about whatever horrific thing happened this time.”

“I don’t,” she sits up and stretches, “come on Mulder, we’ve got a case to crack.”

He laughs, “sure thing Scully.”

—

He’s nervous in the elevator on the way up to the BAU, Y/N on the other hand is so excited she’s practically vibrating. She’s dressed for the part, with her little visitor's badge and Spencer’s hand held tightly in her own, she basically drags him towards the bullpen when the doors open.

“Spence!” Luke calls for him, Tara and Matt turn around with big smiles to see him. “Who’s this?”

“Uh,” Spencer swallows sharply, “this is my girlfriend, Y/N this is Luke, Matt and Tara.”

She lets go of his hand to shake theirs, he watches as they all smile and introduce themselves to her, causing the rest of the team to notice the new person in the room and rush over. They have a lot of questions, they’re all very surprised she’s as young as he was when he started at the bureau and that he’s actually bringing her around.

When he finds out what’s going on, he’s really glad he brought her in. There’s been a few bomb threats in D.C, one of which is the building across from Y/N’s apartment. They’re trying to keep hysteria to a minimum, he knows he wouldn’t have been able to tell her if he didn’t bring her, he also knows he would have broken protocol to get her out of there.

She sits at his desk while he works, looking through all his things for a while before Spencer hears a familiar voice in the bullpen. Penelope was called in for backup, making eye contact with Y/N as soon as she walked in and cheering. “Oh! You’re here!”

Spencer leaves the briefing room, abandoning the geo-profile to introduce Penelope to the girl she helped him find, he runs down the stairs and wraps his arms around her.

“Spencer,” she relaxes into his embrace and holds him close, “I’ve missed you so much.”

When Spencer pulls away, the smile on his face is remarkable, “Penelope, this is Y/N,” he says her name and Penelope automatically knows who she is.

He told her right after he bought her whole Wishlist, Penelope has known about her the longest and yet she’s never been able to meet her. She turns to Y/N with a smile, “are you a hugger?”

Y/N stands and wraps her arms around her, “I think I owe you a very big thank you,” she whispers in Penelope’s ear.

“For what?”

“Teaching grandpa over here how to use the internet,” she teases him, “and for your helpful tips, he was the nicest one I met on there.”

“You’re very welcome,” Penelope pulls back with another smile, holding Y/N’s face in her hands, “and thank you.”

Y/N pulls her into another hug and now everyone is watching, Spencer knows he’s going to be bombarded with questions eventually but for now, Y/N is going with Penelope to her office and Spencer has a map to look at while he stresses himself out.

Matt, Tara and Emily head to the scene to join JJ, Rossi and Will, leaving Luke with Spencer in the briefing room.

“Can I ask?”

Spencer nods, “go ahead.”

“How did you meet her? Was she one of your students?”

He doesn’t know how to answer, not because he’s ashamed of it or of her, rather because he doesn’t know if she’ll want people to really know. “Penelope helped me get online to meet people, I made an account on a sugar daddy website thinking it would be easier to pay someone who doesn’t know me to hang out rather than try and make a new friend.”

“That’s smart,” Luke nods along as he listens. “She seems really cool.”

“She’s the best,” he smiles. “She’s really smart and talented, she’s an author actually, her books coming out in January.”

“I’ll have to get a copy,” Luke smiles right back.

“Her publisher and I have actually planned a big birthday party slash final draft party, if you and the team want to come and have drinks and get to know her more, that would be really nice,” Spencer offers, knowing it’s about time they all celebrated something together.

“I’d love to come, and I’ll bring Penelope,” Luke’s just as excited as he is.

“I’m a little surprised you didn’t know already, being with Penelope and everything?”

He shrugs, “we don’t talk about work or really gossip about the team now that she’s not working here, it makes her a little sad that she left but she’s doing a lot better just coming in occasionally.”

“I didn’t think I’d like my months off at first, either, but now I’m also debating leaving,” he knows it's a lie. He’s already written his letter of recognition, he’s just waiting for the go-ahead from Y/N that they’re moving to California.

“16 years is a really long time to be doing this job,” he agrees, “I’m sure if you wanted to leave the bureau would offer you your full retirement package early, given everything you’ve been through for this country.”

Spencer nods, “don’t let this job take your spark, you’re very wonderful, Luke, and I’d hate to see you lose it for the greater good.”

“My greater good is just down the hall,” he smirks, “I make the world a better place for the woman I love, she’s the reason I get up every day and come to work because I can’t wait to get home to her safely.”

Luke has always loved Penelope, it’s been very obvious, and yet she didn’t want really anything to do with him until Derek advised her to be nice. She was so busy thinking about all her other babies leaving the nest after Derek that she didn’t take the time to consider bringing in Luke to the nest for warmth and love as well.

“When are you asking her to marry you?”

Luke turns bashful, a slight blush on his cheeks as he stares at the table, “Christmas, it’s her favourite time of the year.”

“Have you talked to Derek?” Spencer only worries slightly, after what happened with Kevin he doesn’t want to see it happen to Luke.

“Nope, I’ve talked to her brothers though, we’re going to California again this year for Christmas and they all said they’d love to have me in the family,” Luke smiles, “the Garcias are my favourite.”

Spencer isn’t normally a hugger but he walks around the table and wraps Luke up, “I’m asking Y/N in a week.”

“No way?”

He nods, “she’s the greatest good I’m ever going to get.”

“Amen, brother.”

—

Penelope’s job was incredible, she was in awe as she watched her tap away at her keyboard and answer a million and one questions. She reminded her of Ned from Kim Possible and she knew if she said that to anyone she’d give away just how young she is.

She’s gotten a lot of looks, she knows people are talking about it and yet she doesn’t really care. There isn’t any malice behind the stares and the whispers, they all seem genuinely surprised that Spencer has a girlfriend over the fact she’s in her 20’s.

There’s a single dull moment and she turns to Y/N, “can I please have the juicy details, please,” she begs and it makes her feel giddy.

She’s never really had any girlfriends like this, and she certainly didn’t have anyone to tell about Spencer. “He’s the love of my life, I’m completely serious.”

Penelope squealed, “that’s all I’ve ever wanted for him, ugh this is so exciting! Are you guys serious? How long has it been?”

She nods, “not long, uh he got me this necklace a week or two ago and we’ve been moving pretty slow for his sake. In the last 10 months he’s become my bestie and I’ve convinced him to move in and he sleeps in my bed now and I love waking up beside him… he’s a real gentleman.”

“That’s good, he’s never been able to take the scenic route in life… I know you’re only here cause he trusts you and if he trusts you that means you know everything and if you know ever—“

“Yeah,” she cuts her off, “I know about all of it and everyone who’s hurt him and how he’s hurt himself but what’s more important is that it doesn’t phase me, he’s just a person trying to deal with the life he’s been given, we all are.”

Penelope wraps her up in a gentle hug, “he’s always needed someone like you.”

It makes her heartbreak just a tiny bit thinking about how as long he didn’t have anyone. Sure, he was surrounded by his friends at work and loved enough that they all brought him back home but he was never cared for the way she would have done it. There’s a weird maternal instinct that comes over her with Spencer and she knows exactly why, all she knows is she wants to love him and care for him for the rest of his life.

If she lives to be 100, she hopes he lives to be 116, because there isn’t a day she wants to spend on this earth where Spencer Reid isn’t alive and beside her.

She’s not going to cry in Penelope’s arms after just meeting her so she pulls back with a smile, “but what kind of juicy details are we talking? Cause I can’t embarrass him too bad…”

Penelope’s laugh is evil as she rubs her hands together, “a little birdie whose name rhymes with shmerek said he knows how to use that mouth for more than just talking…”

It makes her laugh almost a little too hard and she starts to feel her face heat up, she simply nods, “yeah, we haven’t gone all the way but from what’s happened so far, I can agree.”

Penelope turns in her rolling chair and laughs, “ugh that’s so great, I’m glad you’re having a good time— I mean I always thought Spencer would be good in bed after all the chats we’ve had about kinks and shit, he’s really educated, obviously, but I always knew that it would translate from paper to real-life very easily.”

“Oh totally,” she nods feverishly, “we talked about that before actually, virginity is simply a construct used to control women and make them feel pure or dirty, to feel like they can take something from a woman and yet virgins are so sexual and in tune with their needs and wants that they typically are good or at least know what to do from whatever porn they’ve consumed when it comes down to it. How the more in tune with someone's sexuality that they are the better they are in bed because they apply what they want to their partner and almost get off more on the fact someone is enjoying them than the fact they’re being pleasured.”

Penelope shakes her head with a loving smile, “you listen when he talks, you love every part of him and you’re beautiful… he really hit the jackpot.”

She brushes it off with a laugh, “I got pretty lucky with him too.”

Her phone rings before she can agree, answering with a cheerful tone, Spencer is on the other end, “do you have my beautiful girlfriend with you still?”

“Present,” she answers for herself, “are you still here, dad-Spence?”

She bites her lip and closes her eyes, fuck.

“Yeah, uh, I am, we think we got the actual building with the bomb, they’ve sent the team down there to clear it and check it out.”

“I’ll head back to the bullpen, then,” she stands and heads to the door, not wanting to face Penelope after almost calling him daddy right in front of her.

“Hey,” she calls to Y/N, “don’t be embarrassed. I get it, believe me, I’ve answered some calls in here with the dirtiest remarks to the completely wrong people. But, I’ll see you later?”

She smiles, “yeah, I’d love to see you again.”

In the bullpen, Spencer’s by his desk all alone. His teams cleared out and now it was just the office staff wandering around. She wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his back, “ready to go home?”

“Uh, not yet…” he turns to look at her, “I don’t want to bring you back to D.C unless the case is closed.” He looks nervous and she understands it perfectly.

“Okie Dokie, she smiles, leaning in for a hug to get close to his ear, “can we fuck in a storage closet to pass the time?”

He laughs but he takes her hand and he pretends to take her on a tour, he leads her down the hall and towards the filing room where he knows no one will be. “No one has really used this room in ages, since we went digital, and Penelope had all this stuff put online anyway.”

“So you can bend me over that table and rail me next time we come back?”

“Or?” She hears his playful tone and smirks to herself, letting him manhandle her hands behind her back as he bends her over a table, “I could fuck these big beautiful thighs of yours?”

“So only you can get off? Please,” She scoffs at him, wanting to piss him off to see where it gets her, wiggling her ass back against him as she does so.

He unbuttons her pants and drags them down her legs to leave her in just her thong, taking a handful of her ass and squeezing before laying a hard slap against her, she gasps at the feeling but also at the fact it was so loud.

“They’re going to hear you?!” She whispers with a disappointed tone.

“Isn’t that what you said you wanted? You wanted everyone to know only daddy can take care of you?” He uses her own words against her and she whines. “That’s what I thought.”

“No, but seriously,” she turns her head to look at him, “check my pocket.”

He does exactly that, finding one of her little bullet vibes in the front pocket of her jeans, “you planned this?”

“I knew we’d be having some kind of sex somewhere in this building,” she smirks. “Also my safe word is red but keep going.”

“Alrighty, then,” she can hear the smirk on his face as he thinks it over.

He takes his handcuffs out of his back pocket and cuffs her, “you know, it’s public indecency looking like this in here, technically it’s a federal offence and it’s my duty as a federal officer to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

She swallows sharply, pushing back against his groin and gasping when her bare asscheek meets the cold metal of his gun in his holster. Sometimes she forgot he was a real FBI agent, sometimes it didn’t feel real to her because he was just her nerdy boyfriend and he never had any of his "cop props" with him… suddenly they weren’t just accessories to her anymore, he was actually a cop who just bent her over a table and cuffed her and now he’s going to fuck her "big beautiful thighs" as he called them.

“What’s the sentence, agent?” She plays along because damn he’s hot like this.

He presses his chest to her back as he leans in close to her ear, “It’s doctor, and you know that.”

He turns on the vibrator and rests it inside her underwear, right against her clit at the lowest setting, her thighs twitch at the feeling and all she wishes is that she had something to hold on to.

She whines again when she hears his belt buckle dangle and his zipper open, he grips his cock at the base and drags the head between her cheeks before slipping between her things with a sigh, “and it’s taking my time, you’re just going to have to, rather impatiently, deal with it.”

“Yes, doctor,” she closes her eyes and waits for the feeling of his cock between her legs but he doesn’t push in.

He places his feet on either side of hers so that she can't open her legs any further and finally, finally breaches her thighs. He groans at the drag of his cock against her skin as the vibrations from her panties continue to make her legs quake. She lets out a shaky breath and reaches for his shirt as he presses against her once more. Grabbing his tie instead, she pulls on it and he gasps for air.

“Sorry,” she mumbles with a smirk, not sorry at all for slightly choking him as she continues to hold his tie.

He swats her hands away from his tie and grips the cuffs to separate her hands, pushing them further up her back until it’s almost uncomfortable. The most uncomfortable thing about this was the fact he wasn’t inside of her, she felt so empty as she clenched around nothing. The stimulation on her clit was nice, the feeling of him taking her from behind is ungodly and yet he’s not in her. It’s the worst punishment in the whole world.

It was nowhere near enough to get her off and he knew that she wanted so much more that she wasn’t going to get, whining as he kept his thrusts at the same slow pace. It was agonizing, she squeezed her legs together more to tease him but he ended up liking it. There was nothing she could do for more, she was just going to have to let him take her, and that thought was what brought her closer.

“Please?” She begged, sounding just as desperate as she thought she would and not giving a single fuck.

“Please what?” He snaps his hips against her just a bit harder with each thrust.

She gasps again before biting her lip to hold back a moan, “finish in my mouth?” She begs once more, “please?”

He pulls off of her and yanks her off the table, turning her around, she drops to her knees without being told and opens her mouth immediately. He grips her by her hair and guides her towards his cock, slipping it past her lips and right down her throat.

He groans at the feeling, she closes her eyes for a moment to enjoy the feeling of his heavy cock in her mouth. Taking him more forcefully than ever before, he’s too caught up in the moment to realize he might be a little too rough but she also doesn’t mind. Breathing through her nose to stay calm she takes him as far as she can, pressing her nose to his pubes he can feel how hot her breath is as she struggles to breathe.

“Such a good girl,” he pulls her off so she can breathe for a moment, “you want my cum so bad don’t you?”

“Yes please, daddy,” she replies with a rasp in her voice that makes it obvious where he’s been.

She takes him in her mouth once more, sucking earnestly to get him closer and closer to the edge. He’s whining, pulling her hair and doing everything in his power not to thrust against her face, even though she’s okay with it.

She knows when he’s close because his cock always twitches in the same spot, it’s a tell-tale sign that he’s going to cum in a second. She applies more suction, running her tongue along the underside before taking him all the way once more just in time for him to cum right down her throat with each swallow.

He’s not quiet, anyone walking past the door will hear him panting and gasping, muttering good girl under his breath, he’s more fucked out by this blow job than she’s ever made him before. She can’t help but smirk as he pulls away and leaves her there on her knees, covered in spit and drool and unable to wipe her own mouth due to the fact she’s still fucking handcuffed.

She rests against his shoe, pressing the vibrator against her clit a little more, she twitches at how good it feels but it’s still not enough to get her off, and a part of her doesn’t want to.

He pulls her up to her feet and sits her down on the table he was just pretending to fuck her against. He attempts to spread her legs and get between them but she stops him, “leave the vibe where it is and let’s just go home?”

“You want to walk out of this building with a vibrator in your panties, and say goodbye to my co-workers and friends knowing you could cum anytime?”

She smirks, “yes, but I won't cum cause this pathetic toy isn’t as good at you.”

He clicks the button to turn it up a speed and she gasps, pushing against the feeling and moaning into it, “I’d like to see you try that.”

—

He takes her on the rest of the “tour” with that vibrator in her panties, she’s getting more and more flustered the more they look around. Eventually, he shows her the library, getting her alone in the back corner where he can talk to her without the risk of people knowing what’s going on.

“I can’t,” she whines as he presses her against the shelves, “please?”

“Please what?”

“Turn it off, daddy, I can’t take it anymore,” she grips his suit jacket tightly as she looks up at him with the eyes he can’t say no to.

“Mmm,” he hums, reaching into her pants to free her from the stimulation, she relaxes finally. “What do you think you deserve now?”

“Don’t wanna cum till we’re at home,” she whispers, “but you’ll have to make it quick because we have a flight to catch at 8.”

“Fuck,” he whispers like he forgot. “I hope we can get back into the apartment in time.”

“Why?”

“The bomb was in the basement of the building beside yours,” he admits and the whole facade fades, “that’s why I’m not taking you home yet.”

“That’s why you wanted to fuck me,” she whispers with a giggle. “You could have at least told me this was a ‘you almost died’ rush for you.”

“I didn’t want to say it like that,” he admits and a depression washes through his blood, he feels the low settle as he drops, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she takes his face in her hands and makes him look her in the eyes, “I love you, I’m glad we’re both safe. Everything in there is replaceable, you and me aren’t. This is a really good thing, Spencer.”

He nods, doing what she’s told him so many times she wants him to do, telling her his thoughts so that he’s no longer haunted alone, “when I told my friend Derek about you, he said dating a younger woman means I’ll never have to worry about you dying of old age before me. That’s one of his fears being the same age as Savannah, but I’ve lost so many people I never even thought about getting old with you I’ve just wanted to keep this version of you safe and with me forever.”

“Penelope said she always wished you’d find someone like me, and my only thought was If I live to be 100, I hope you live to be 116 because there isn’t a day I want to spend on this earth where Spencer Reid isn’t alive and beside me,” he whispers with a smile, “but now I’m thinking if you live to be 100, I don’t want to go past 84.”

“You can’t say that,” he whispers, tears bubbling in his eyes, “what if I die tomorrow? I need to know you’re going to be fine and not end your wonderful existence because I’m not here anymore. You’re too wonderful to put all your worth on me.”

She doesn’t want to cry, she already looks like she’s been fucked and now she’s a mess, she pulls him into a kiss so he’ll stop talking and they can just be together, it was hard enough for her thinking he was going to die eventually, let alone him hypothesizing dying tomorrow.

She rests her forehead against his, “we always do this.”

“What?”

“It’s like orgasms open the emotions or something,” she snuffles which turns into a laugh, “do you think our kids are going to find it weird that you’re so much older than me?”

Everything takes him for a loop, “uh,” he struggles to find the words, pulling back and looking at her as her face drops, “I um—

“You don’t want kids anymore?” She looks genuinely saddened and he doesn’t know how to answer.

“I do,” he nods, “just—“

“Not with me?” She puts the words in his mouth.

“With you, just not yet,” he holds her by the shoulders, “I need more time with you before we have a kid, I need to love life and be in a good place and somewhere where I can focus all my attention on them, and I can’t yet.”

“I want a baby by 30,” she whispers before pressing her lips together awkwardly, “46 isn’t too old to be a dad, I’ve seen men become fathers at 80.”

He laughs as the anxiety leaves him, “a little California surfer baby wouldn’t be too bad.”

“Well, we fuck like rabbits, we might get there sooner than you planned,” she nudges him, “you’re a wonderful boyfriend, and if you don’t mind, I’d like for you to stay my boyfriend for a little longer? I’m not ready to be a wife or a mom and change my name when I just got it put on a published book.”

“I’ll change mine to yours,” he replies like it's nothing, “or keep yours and we’ll hyphenate the kid's names.”

“It’s plural now?” She teases him once more.

“Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you,” he assures her, “forever.”

“You’d pluck a star from the sky for me wouldn’t you, Doctor Y/L/N?”

He laughs at how it sounds but he kinda likes it. Her word choice is even funnier to him, however, because he’s actually gone out of his way to pluck a star for her. She has no idea, but her last present is a big one.

She struggled to get her own name on a book for so long, now there’s a star named after her, in the sky for everyone to see for the rest of time.

Permanent tag list:

@ssacalumsg0lden @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxospencerreid @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose @reidsacademia @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @spooky-goob @anaagraceeberr

Sugar daddy fic

@mggs-sidehoe @bakugouswh0r3 @mggskneescrews @moonlight-2-6 @spencerreidscumwhore @my-thoughts-are-weird @violetclifford @youabitchhhh @bunny-script @baby-i-am-fireproof @moondustmemories @rexorangecouny @minervaonmars @onlyhereforthefanfics @anonymous-reading @go2sleepducky @kingcrain @beepbooptoop @givemeth @emma-is-a-nerd @wrecky-becky @eternalspence @ne--yo-pets @valerieweasley @coldlilheart @andiebeaword @bingereid @a-mended-pact

[soramei]

Intentional - Part 2

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut,

Word Count: 5.2k

Masterlist

A/N: o my god i did not expect so many people to have read the first part… even if only one person reads im still happy :D anyways heres the second part (i swear bang chan wont just be a side character later on hhahaha)

The insistent beeping of the alarm on your phone was what first woke you up from your dazed sleep. Your head still pounded from the night before, and frankly, you were ready to get fired for an extra five minutes of sleep. Tapping the ‘cancel’ button on your phone, you flipped over head down on your pillow to find the beautiful dreamland you were in. However, after just five more minutes, the triggering beeping of your backup alarm took you out of your slumber again, this time really waking you up. 

You trudge towards your bathroom, still dreading the day, on your way to take a shower. Thankfully, the steam from the warm shower combined with the fragrant smell of your conditioner slightly woke you up and dampened the aching in your head. 

Being drastically more awake than before, you made your way over to your kitchen to prepare breakfast. You opened the fridge, mind blank, just staring at the empty shelves. I seriously need to do some grocery shopping, you thought before grabbing an egg. 

You struggled to turn on the stove, not knowing which knob correlated to which burner. Turning a random one, you flinched when an excessive amount of fire appeared. However, after an embarrassingly long amount of time, you finally figured out the stove. Why are there still gas range stoves when electrical stoves exist? You wondered. 

You looked at the sad cooked egg in front of you. 

Was this really how you were going to live from now on? You cursed your whole family for spoiling you so much back home. Sure you were grateful for being able to live with your family for twenty three years, but the consequences of your mother making a fuss when you tried to cook for yourself was really showing now. 

You were about to dig into your lonely meal when your phone buzzed all of a sudden. Taking a quick peek at it, you saw Na-eun’s name flash up. You beamed with joy. Although you already worked up the nerve to be the first one to contact her, you were thankful she did first to break the tension. However, there was a small — microscopic even — part of you that wondered: what if that were Bang Chan?

You unlocked your phone. 

Na-eun: Hey! I know it’s kinda last minute, but do you wanna meet for breakfast?

Na-eun: There’s a café five minutes away from the building. 

Na-eun: ^-^

Smiling to yourself, you quickly typed a reply.

Y/n: Sure! My breakfast looks too sad to eat… 

Y/n: ^-^

In a flash, you stuffed your egg into a plastic tupperware container and put it in the empty fridge before booking it out your door, making sure to carefully enter the passcode to lock it before running to the staircase. You almost tripped over the stairs going down as you tried to sprint and text Na-eun at the same time. Checking the maps app on your phone, you told her how long it would take for you to arrive at the café. 

Na-eun: Do you mind if I bring my roommate? She keeps complaining about how boring it is at home haha.... 

Na-eun: She’s really nice though! ^^;

You happily agreed since you weren’t in the position to turn down another potential friend. Already two potential friends? You were so excited. 

There was a bounce in your steps as you made your way down to the subway. Scanning your card, you made your way to the big group of people on the platform and waited for your train. Taking the subway was so new, yet refreshing. There was something exciting about seeing a brand new set of people board the cart every stop, it was almost like refreshing your Instagram feed over and over again. 

After just a couple minutes more of waiting, your subway came. You naturally found your way in by shuffling along with the flock of people and found a good place to stand. 

You surveyed your cart. Some high school students, a few elderly, and many many businesspeople dressed in attire very similar to you. They all seemed to be busy on their cellular devices, so you quickly pulled yours out as well, eager to blend in. Your little Tamagotchi friend was happy to see you. 

The sound of the automated woman’s voice was what drew you out of your concentration, as she announced that the subway would be stopping at your destination next. When the subway stopped, the sea of people rushed out in a big tidal wave and you just went along with the flow. 

The map posted on a big pillar in the station was difficult to read at first, but after embarrassingly asking a station officer, you were confident you knew where you were going. The station was big with many interwoven hallways, each connecting to a different location. It had a couple shops and convenience stores located along the sides where students running late could buy some bread or tired businesspeople could inject their early morning dose of caffeine. 

You weaved your way through the long halls, confident that you could remember how you got out the right exit yesterday. Finally, after passing by many familiar stores and signs, you eventually made it above ground at the right exit. It was a cloudy September morning, the wind flew past you at just the right speed to elicit a slight shiver. You curse yourself for not bringing a jacket in your rush to the café. The streets were busy with cars zooming by, but it was nowhere near as congested as the subway traffic.

You started following your phone’s GPS to the marked location, and after a couple minutes, you spot the café. You immediately recognized it as a chain café as you’ve seen a few more of these scattered around the city as you got around. This one, however, appeared to be larger than the others (presumably because it was near so many big name companies) as it had three floors in total. 

You texted Na-eun, telling her you’ve arrived. She let you know that they were both in one of the booths on the second floor, so you decided to order before heading up. Walking over to the cashier, you scanned their massive menu, trying to find what you were looking for.

“One mango juice, please.” You politely ordered. “And also a slice of the red velvet cake.”  

After you had paid, you waited patiently, hands folded in front of you for your food. Because it wasn’t busy in the morning, it wasn’t that long until one of the baristas handed your food to you on a tiny plastic tray and you started making your way up. You reached the top floor and scanned your eyes around the room to find a familiar face. 

“Y/n!” Na-eun waved.

You waved back and made your way over. She was in the booth, and there was another girl sitting beside her. 

“Y/n, this is my roommate Yoojin.” She smiled at you and made a gesture towards the smaller girl sitting beside her. She was a fluffy haired girl. Her appearance was puppy-like, with her wide eyes and a large smile that was almost too big for her face. 

“Hi Yoojin.” You said as you sat down. 

“Hi Y/n! Na-eun told me about you yesterday. It seems like you have similar jobs.” She looked back at you with wide eyes. “But I think you got luckier because you actually get to interact with the idols.” 

“I think both of us are lucky to even be working there,” you chuckled, “plus, I don’t actually get to be working directly with the artists. I could only wish.” You joked. 

“Still extremely lucky, Na-eun told me she saw Bang Chan and Felix from Stray Kids at your building’s cafeteria yesterday.” Her hair bounced. “Finally, now I can say I’ve indirectly met famous people.” 

You and Na-eun both laughed. Although Yoojin looked the same age as you, there was something about the way she acted that just seemed so precious and innocent — like a little sister. How old was she anyway?

“Yoojin’s younger than me by a few years,” Na-eun said as if she read your thoughts, “She graduated university a year early. Top of her programming class. She knows everything about technology; one time, I stupidly forgot the passcode to my P.O. box and she cracked it for me in less than fifteen minutes.”

“Stop it.” Yoojin whined, looking down and playfully hitting Na-eun on the shoulder. “I told you before that I don’t like it when you talk about me. Let’s talk about Y/n instead. Na-eun told me you’re not from here, what do you do at JYPE then?” 

“I’m an assistant to help market some of the artists in China.” You leaned in a bit. “Actually, to be honest, I’m working on a secret project and Bang Chan from Stray Kids is technically part of the team.” 

Both Yoojin and Na-eun’s eyes widened. “No way, you’re so lucky.” Yoojin said. “Why can’t you have a job like that?” She poked at Na-eun.

“Get your own job first,” Na-eun smirked, “then we can talk about mine.”  

“Hey! I do have a job.” Yoojin clenched her jaw, looking at her plate and avoiding eye contact.

“I’m not sure if talking to people online all day counts as a job.” 

“Whatever.” Yoojin swirled her fork on her plate, stabbing at a piece of her cake. The scraping of metal on ceramic made all of you wince. 

“Anyways,” you started, trying to change the atmosphere, “did anybody watch the first episode of that new drama?” 

The two girls seemed to have a mood switch, looking relieved to start a new conversation. They gladly added their input and opinions on the new drama, talking about both the plot and the actors. Time passed by twice as fast as the three of you sat at the booth talking about the most random things. However, it was soon time to go to work for both you and Na-eun. 

“Hey, before you leave, could I get your number?” Yoojin asked. “We should hang out again sometime.”  

You gladly typed your contact into her phone, excited to hang out with Yoojin again. She was so full of energy, it reminded you of your university days. Not to mention that fluffy curly hair. It was so cute. 

You and Na-eun both made it out of the café and walked side-by-side over to your building before parting ways at the elevator corridor. It was a miracle that you managed to arrive at your cubicle in time, without getting lost. There was a pile of papers on your desk; they were the files you worked on yesterday. You remember that yesterday Manager Chen marked some improvements that could be made to the papers, but you checked your email just to be sure. 

Hello Y/n,

I put the documents from yesterday on your desk for some final edits. I’ve also added a few more. Could you finish them all by the end of the day?

Best, 

Manager Chen

You flipped through the stack of documents, and sure enough, there were about five more letters that needed to be worked on. Feeling determined, you gritted your teeth, got out your pen, and started to do your job. 

There were more corrections to make than what you expected, plus, you wanted to make sure your work was perfect this time. You skipped a trip to the cafeteria for lunch and ate something from the vending machine at your desk instead. You tried your best to work diligently, but because of your inexperience, it was taking longer than expected. You lost track of time as the hours passed by. 

“Your team is working hard today, Manager Chen.” A voice came from across the room. You looked up from your stack of documents to see Manager Kim walking over towards Manager Chen, who was standing casually outside her office doors. 

“What can I say, I keep them busy.” She replied. “Are you heading home now?” 

“Yes, and so should you.” Manaker Kim stopped at your cubicle, putting a hand on the wall. It was cat-like the way he looked at you. “Y/n, you’re working hard. Are you going home now? I’ll give you a ride.” 

You couldn’t head home now, not with the amount of work you still had with the new letters Manager Chen added to the pile. “Thank you for the offer, Manager Kim, but I’ll stay later today. I need to finish this work by today.” 

“Let her be, Manager Kim, you know how new employees are.” Manager Chen nagged and crossed her arms. “Come, I’ll walk you to the parking lot.” 

You bowed at both your managers and stretched your back before getting back to your work. The black lines of both languages started to blur into one as you strained your eyes to hold a tighter focus on the documents. It wasn’t until two more gruesome hours later when you finished your work. You did a long deserved stretch of the arms and checked the clock for the time, praying that it wasn’t too late. Thankfully, with the time being only eight, it wasn’t that dark out. You took a quick peek at your phone to check your notifications before leaving the office. 

There were only two texts sent fifteen minutes ago. Both from Bang Chan. 

Your chest tightened when you unlocked your phone. 

Bang Chan: Hey, I know it’s a bit late, but I have some ideas for the project and I was thinking we could meet up to discuss them

Bang Chan: Only if you want that is…

Your brain was in jumbles as you thought of what to text back. There were a couple staff that wrote you emails about their ideas for the project, but none of them asked to meet in person. And now, the first person who asked you to have a meeting in person was Bang Chan. Whom you rode back to your apartment drunk with. On your first day at work. And now you missed his work-related text by fifteen minutes. However, even though it was late, you still felt like you needed to take his ideas in. After all, like Manager Chen said, you know how new employees are. 

Y/n: Hi, sorry my reply is late… Are you still free? 

You anxiously stared at the blue-lit screen of your phone, jumping in and out of the text app waiting for a reply. After less than a minute, you saw the little dots at the bottom which indicated that he was typing. It disappeared for a moment, only to come back less than a second later. Your thumbs started unconsciously fiddling with one another in front of your phone screen as you waited for what felt like eternity. 

Bang Chan: It’s alright haha 

Bang Chan: There’s a cafe about 5 minutes from our building, wanna meet there? 

You immediately knew which café he was talking about as you conveniently hung out with Na-eun there this morning. You texted Bang Chan back, letting him know that you would be there as soon as possible. You grabbed your bag, along with your trusty pen and notebook,  before leaving your desk for the elevators. The elevator ride was unusually fast as it was already well past working hours for most people.  

Once you were out of the building, you made your way down the familiar sidewalk, passing by the familiar street shops as you felt the bite of the wind against your face. The sky was becoming dim as the sun made its descent, but the illumination coming from the streetlamps helped guide you there. After five minutes of a brisk walk, you saw the familiar sign of the café. You also saw a familiar person standing outside the door, dressed in all black, with his head down looking at his phone. 

You tried to make your footsteps slightly louder the closer you got to him in order to make your presence known. It seemed to have worked, as Bang Chan heard you and turned his head up. He immediately gave you a boyish grin, putting his phone in the pocket of his hoodie and pulling his face mask down to his chin. 

“Hey,” You waved awkwardly, “did I make you wait long?”

“Not at all.” Bang Chan said as he held open the door, “Let’s go in, it’s pretty chilly today.” 

You thanked him and walked inside. You both made your way to the cashier and looked up at the menu, deciding on what to buy. 

“I think I’ll get an iced americano.” Bang Chan said. “Are you getting anything?”

“Hmm. I might get the mango juice.” You decided and lined up behind Bang Chan, waiting for him to order first. 

Bang Chan walked up to the waiting barista. “Hello, I’ll get an iced americano please.” A second passed. “Also a mango juice.” 

Your eyes widened as you silently tried to stop him from buying your drink, feeling embarrassed that Bang Chan — who was essentially your coworker — was buying your drink. He didn’t seem to notice your quiet protests, as he pulled his card out of his wallet and quickly tapped it on the pin pad. After he was done paying, he turned around and tucked his card back in his wallet, giving you a smug grin. 

“I’ll pay you back later.” You insisted, embarrassed once again that he was doing something for you. 

“Of course, of course.” He casually replied and stood beside you with his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “I’ll wait for our drinks. You can go find a table.” 

You nodded and left to find a table on the first floor. Surprisingly, there were more people there at night than when you were there in the morning. Some people had their textbooks out to study, some were quietly enjoying a book. Some were on dates. 

Finally, after weaving through many fully filled tables, you found an empty one near the table. You sat down, taking out your pen and notebook to prepare for Bang Chan’s ideas. Not long after, you saw Bang Chan walking around, turning his head left and right to look for you. You caught his eye as you waved at him to come over. He strolled over and put the tray of drinks down on the table, placing yours beside your notebook. 

“So,” You took a sip of your delicious mango juice, “do you wanna get started now?” 

“Sure.” His usually friendly face turned serious. It seemed like he took his work seriously. “So I was thinking, we need to film some content to start promoting our debut right? How about we film content for the Mid-Autumn Festival? It falls on the same day as Chuseok, so we can use this as a small promotion for our debut.” 

You nodded in agreement. Although this idea would be a little last minute to carry out, it was a great opportunity to promote their group in order to gain more popularity before their debut in China. “This is a great idea Bang Chan,” You hurriedly jotted down everything he said, “did you have more to add on?”  

“We could make several episodes of this content. I was thinking we could camp in the mountains and maybe cook some food, make mooncakes.” 

“All of this is really good, we have three weeks until the actual Mid-Autumn Festival. If I rush this idea to Manager Chen, we could have one week to plan it, and two weeks to film and produce it.” You beamed, glad that you could be involved in a potential big production. 

You and Bang Chan kept discussing his idea for content, and as time passed, your conversation turned more casual as it eventually evolved into topics unrelated to work.

“So, why are you having coffee this late anyway?” You tipped your chin towards his glass. 

“There’s this part of a song I’m working on that I just can’t get perfect,” Bang Chan noticeably clenched his jaw, “I wanna figure it out before I leave.” 

“Do you usually stay up late to work?” You asked. 

“I can’t sleep anyways, so I might as well work.” 

“Insomnia?” You questioned. He shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his coffee. A few seconds of silence passed. “You know, my mom made me pack some of her special tea before leaving. She said it was for jet lag, which is weird because there’s only a time difference of an hour here.” You rambled. 

“Oh?” Bang Chan tipped his head. 

“I could give you some tomorrow.” You said. Your eyes wandered everywhere except to him. “If you want.” 

“Really, you’d do that?” His eyes widened as he stirred his coffee with his straw. 

It may have been your subconscious need to make friends, or just the fact that you mom gave you so much tea for your non-existent jet lag, but you gladly offered your mom’s solve-all remedy. “Of course, anything for a friend.” 

He blinked a couple times. He stopped stirring his coffee. “Thanks.” He looked at you with a slight grin. 

“Plus, this way I can pay you back.” You teased. 

“Okay, fair enough.” He chuckled. A dimple appeared on his cheek as his smile widened. “But seriously, you don’t need to worry about paying me back for anything next time.” 

Next time? You wondered. Of course he would have more ideas for his own group. You wanted to roll your eyes at yourself. It seemed like, despite his easy-going personality, that he cared a lot about not only his job, but the boys he worked with. His work ethic inspired you and made you want to work just as hard as he did. Except you definitely couldn’t stay up as late as he did. 

The two of you kept up the back and forth that was established, talking about whatever came to mind, with a few sprinklings of work-related conversations throughout. You talked about your first day impressions and how well you were adjusting to life in a new country, and he retaliated by sharing his own experiences of moving across the world. You were so enraptured by your riveting conversations that you easily lost track of time. It wasn’t until you had already spent minutes playing around with your straw in the empty glass that you finally remembered how late it was.

“It’s kinda late, I think I should get going now.” You said as you checked your phone for the time. 

“Are you taking the subway?” He asked as he started gathering the empty glasses. “It’s pretty dark now — I could walk you there.”

“It’s alright. I don’t wanna take time from your work” You said, gathering your notebook and pen. 

“It’s no problem, really, it’s just a five minute walk.” He stood up with the tray of empty glasses in one hand and pulled up his face mask with the other.

The two of you left the café and walked the short distance to the subway stairs.  There, you parted ways and you started your trek home. Taking the subway at night was vastly different from morning; the morning rush was filled with rows and rows of busy people, whereas the night train had a completely different feeling to it. There were actually available seats, to begin with. You found an empty seat and took out your phone to kill time. You checked your missed notifications.

Yoojin: Hi Y/n!! ^-~ Today was so fun, we should go again sometime! 

You smiled at the little text from Yoojin, visioning her wide smile stretch across her face. Texting a quick reply back, you were about to put your phone back down when another notification popped up. 

Unknown: Stay away from him. This is a warning.  

A flash of panic rushed through your body making your chest tighten. Your heart was coming out of your chest, the beating was so hard you could hear it even in the running subway. Completely fixated on the bright white of your phone, your eyes strained from the light. Adrenaline filled your blood, and in the spur of the moment, you quickly blocked the number and deleted the text chain. It had to just be a prank text, after all, you have gotten pranked through text multiple times before in your past. 

You put your phone down slowly, turning your head to survey your subway cart for any suspicious acting people. There was only a grandma with her cane and a few middle school girls comparing their new lip tints. Your thumbs naturally started fiddling with each other. Your eyebrows knit together as you clutched your bag tight to your body for the rest of the subway ride. 

The walk back to your apartment was done carefully. You chose the side of the sidewalk with more light as you kept your senses open, trying to remember the face of every person that walked past you. Although it was more likely than not that the text was just a prank, you were still somebody living alone with very few connections in a new country. Your legs quickened at the thought and you hurried your way back.

Arriving at your apartment door, you carefully entered your lock combination and slammed your door shut, double checking that it was locked. Your home was dark, with only the moon casting long shadows on your furniture. You quickly switched your light on. You tried to put this text to the back of your mind as you got ready to sleep, but it loomed, feeling like a shadow cast by the moon. The shadow in your mind stayed as you closed your eyes, waiting for your sleep to chase it away. 

The next morning, you woke up to the obnoxious beeping of your alarm. You sleepily sat up, getting ready to perform your familiar morning routine. Everything felt like routine, so monotonous that the text from last night was completely forgotten. You opened the fridge and ate your suspicious egg from yesterday morning. 

Before leaving, you suddenly remembered to bring your mom’s magical tea. You rummaged through the cupboards until you found the ridiculous packaging your mom insisted on using. 

The route to work was already starting to feel familiar as you mindlessly made your way from your quaint apartment all the way to the opulent blue building. You entered the office and sat at your desk, checking for new emails. After nothing of immediate importance came up, you got out your notebook and started to type up your notes from yesterday. 

You were in a trance. The repetitive task of reading and typing completely hypnotised you as hours passed by without you even noticing. What broke you out of your trance, however, was the voice of your boss. 

“Bang Chan.” Manager Chen called out. You looked up from your monitor and peeked up from your cubicle to see the familiar hair of a certain man you knew. Assuming he was here for a meeting with Manager Chen, you went back to your hypnotising work. The walls of your cubicle were too high for him to see you anyways — something about eliminating distractions to maximise work efficiency. 

You hit ‘enter’ on your keyboard to start a new paragraph when all of a sudden, you spotted an object appear on your desk from the corner of your eye. 

A bottle of mango juice. 

Quickly turning your head around, you were met with Bang Chan’s back. He was already making strides towards Manager Chen, but something about the sway of his broad shoulders and the way his right hand stretched open told you that it was him who gave you this little bottle of happiness. You unscrewed the lid and took a sip before getting back to work.  

Thankfully, the gift you received was enough sugar content to keep you working efficiently for the rest of the day. You had finished all your work and could hopefully pitch Manager Chen the idea by tomorrow. You found your mom’s tea in your bag while gathering your stuff, remembering your promise to Bang Chan. 

Y/n: Hey, I have my mom’s tea — I could give it to you right now?

There was a reply almost immediately. 

Bang Chan: Sure ^^ I’m in a practice room on floor X right now, I’ll wait by the elevators. 

You made your way over to the elevators and tapped your nails on the package of tea whilst silently waiting for an elevator to arrive. The silence, however, was promptly cut off as your phone started to ring. It was from Yoojin. She probably wants to hang out soon, you thought as you happily answered right away. 

“Y/n!” Yoojin yelled into the phone, she sounded worried. 

“Yoojin, is there something wrong?” You frowned, concerned for the girl. 

“I-I was in the parking lot near your building, a-and I fell down the stairs.” She sniffed. “I think I sprained my ankle or something — I can’t stand up. It hurts so much.” 

“Oh god, Yoojin, do you want me to come help?” You were in the elevator by now, already pressing the button for the main floor. 

“If you’re not far, I don’t want to trouble you.” You heard sounds of her wincing. 

“It’s no trouble Yoojin,” You exclaimed, “your ankle is much more important now. I’ll be right there.” 

“Thank you Y/n.” You heard her sniff again through the phone. 

You bolted out of the elevator as soon as it reached the main floor, stuffing your forgotten package in your bag. Ignoring the looks of confusion of the people you sprinted past, you located the parking lot building as soon as you left the main doors of the JYPE building. Your chest burned and your breaths were heavy. 

You were worried for Yoojin. She seemed like such a sweet girl that it pained you to even imagine her hurt in any sort of way. With her fluffy hair and wide eyes, it made you feel like you were helping an injured puppy. 

Your legs felt like concrete after a while of running, but you finally made it to the parking lot building. Entering the parking lot, you looked for any sign of a staircase where Yoojin said she fell on. There were none. 

“Excuse me, where are the stairs to this parking lot?” You asked the parking lot attendant, assuming it was just hidden somewhere. 

“There are no stairs here,” He said, “if you want to get to the second floor, there is an elevator over there.” He pointed to the other side of the lot. 

You thanked the man and ran to the elevator, hoping Yoojin wasn’t too hurt by now. You’ve experienced injuries like these before whilst playing sports back home, they hurt like hell. Your breathing was staggered by the time you reached the elevator, however, you didn’t give up and kept looking around trying to find the girl. There was nobody. You were about to call Yoojin again just to make sure you were in the correct place, but a voice interrupted you. 

“Y/n.” 

It was Manager Kim.

[skellebonez]

How's about 45 and 54 where canon MK finds himself in the Inverted AU Universe? Because I think that'd be funny

Poor MK is having the second worst day of his entire life. This is not the situation he should be in AFTER THE FINALE. This would have been way different if I wrote this when you sent it in, but now you get a very sad Monkie Kid.

You may technically be an adult, but you’re still my child./ Yeah well dying generally puts a damper on things.

When MK was knocked out they were on the deck of the drone ship, fighting off some kind of demon that the White Bone Spirit had taken under her control.

When MK woke up they were on the sandy shores of Mount Huaguo surrounded by baby monkeys and one Six-Eared Macaque looking down at them with a face of great concern.

“Are you-” Macaque started to ask them, unable to finish his sentence when MK screamed and kicked out and just barely missed making contact that would have sent him flying backwards into the nearest tree. “Whoa, no, it’s alright! I’m not-”

“What did you do to me this time, Macaque!?” MK yelled, looking around for a weapon, any weapon, something they could use to defend themself. Their eyes fell on something familiar, something that shouldn’t exist anymore and they froze at the sight of red and gold.

“Little one, is your name MK?” Macaque asked softly, holding up his hands as he slowly walked forward back toward the started and confused young adult before him. “I found you washed up on the shore. You need to lay back down, you’re still-”

Macaque let out a yelp of surprise as MK dove, hand firmly grasping the familiar warm-cold center of the staff.

But it felt... wrong, somehow.

They didn’t let go.

"OK, WHAT IS HAPPENING!?" MK shouted, holding the stolen staff in front of them as they turned on the immortal monkey that was their one time mentor. "Is this Jin and Yin again? Is this the Calabash!? Did they change it so my stuff doesn’t work in it anymore!? I'm not falling for that again!"

"I'm sorry, the what?" A new voice rang from behind him. One a little... too familiar...

It was MK. It shouldn't be possible, not if the Calabash was working the same way it had worked before, but it was them. But not.

Like... the way the staff felt.

The Other MK standing in the too bright sun wore a stark sky blue and black instead of his signature orange and red, a large hefty backpack in that same blue slung over his back. And he was... tall. Not unusually tall, just taller than MK was. And also looked incredibly angry as he carried a box of medical supplies.

"The... Calabash..." MK repeated, holding the staff closer to their chest with a nervous gulp. Their hands twisted around the staff nervously, hoping the repetitive action would ground them against the repeating 'THERE IS ANOTHER YOU STARING AT YOU WHAT THE HELL' whizzing in their head. "This... this isn't Jin and Yin again after all, is it?"

MK gulped again, blinking as their vision swam suddenly and their head felt like it was filled with... something. Like liquid but if it was as light as air.

"I don't know which answer would be better for you," Macaque said softly, honesty palpable in his tone. Something so odd for the Monkie Kid to hear in their ears with that voice. "But no. We are very much real."

"Oh..." MK said plainly. "Oh that's bad. That's... Oh boy..."

Before their eyes rolled back in their head and they passed out they were pretty sure they saw a few more overly familiar faces rushing to them.

~

When MK woke a second time they were once again moved, but to somewhere else far less familiar than the shores of Mount Huaguo and the drone ship... but also too familiar. They also now realized that their head hurt... a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

“Finally, you’re back from the brink of death,” that same overly familiar voice rang our in their ear. They snapped their head to the side, regretting it instantly as it made their vision swim again and lights pop in front of their eyes. “Hey, no, don’t do that!"

The other MK jumped up, kneeling down in front of them and poked them in the forehead. His scowl didn’t seem to let up in the slightest, but it tilted in a way that felt more concerned than angry.

"... why am I looking at my own face?" MK asked, not sure whether they should continue to stare at their own face or to look anywhere else to keep their brain from short circuiting trying to process what the actual hell was happening.

“Considering you were able to pick up my staff,” the other MK said, removing his finger and gesturing to the rod that was still across MK’s chest (how had he not noticed the extra weight of it still in his hand?). “I’d say we have some kind of multi-dimensional bullshitery going on here. Unless you’re, somehow, a robot made of the same shit Red used to get the that thing in the first place, but I don’t think robots bleed from head injuries.”

Ah. That would explain why his head felt like someone had cracked it open and shoved cotton balls into it.

MK looked around, taking in the stark white walls and the overly clean smell and the clean white sheets they were laid on.

“... am I at the hospital?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Other MK yelled, raising his arms in frustration as he paced the room in a familiar excess of energy. “But unfortunately for us you don’t exactly exist here! So we’re figuring out a way to make them believe you’re me with some really fucked up memories my dude! Which is easier with, you know.”

The other MK knocked on his head twice, wincing a bit as the second knock seemed to be harder than intended.

“... but you’re..?”

“I snuck in.”

“OK, well, thanks for the help,” MK started, sitting himself up with more than a little struggle. “But I need to figure out what the heck happened and get back to-!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Other MK said, jumping on the bed and standing over him. That was... well, MK would definitely say that was a very weird but effective way of keeping someone from getting up. “Macaque already ran off without letting me stop him, I barely got him to take some backup, to figure out what in the hell is happening. You are me and I know myself and if you ever tell anyone this I will end you, but you are way too injured to be doing anything right now!”

“I have to do something, Other Me-”

“No, oh no I hate that, just call me Blue,” the other MK said, the scowl on his face softened ever so slightly once again. Just slightly. “It’s a lot better than ‘other me’. And there’s nothing we can do until Macaque gets us some answers.”

"So... what, Blue? Am I just supposed to sit around and wait for someone to come and rescue me if he finds nothing!?" MK snapped, grip on their staff tightening so much that their knuckles paled and creaked in stress. "Just do nothing while who knows what happens to my friends!?"

"No," Blue said, placing his hand on MK's shoulder and frowning when the other shrugged it off and curled in on themselves. "But hurting yourself isn't going to help you get back to them. And as long as you’re here you’re my responsibility.”

“I’m a grown ass adult, you should know that.”

“Yeah, well, dying generally puts a damper on things and you’re not so adult that you can’t escape death,” Blue said, letting himself fall back into a sitting position on the bed. “Unless you got to keep your invulnerability or something, but given the crack in your noggin that doesn’t seem... like...” Blue trailed off, looking at MK with an odd expression. “... are you ok? Like. Emotionally?”

“Huh?”

“You’re crying.”

MK wrestled with one of their hands to free it’s iron grip on the staff (not their staff, their staff was gone, they had to remind themselves that their staff was gone and... and so was so much else), raising to their cheek to discover that at some point in Blue’s retort they had indeed started crying.

“... what happened to you?”

“It’s a long story,” MK said, wiping their face on their arm (they now realized they were wearing hospital dressing). “I...” They grabbed the staff with their now free hand again, twisting the grip carefully and freeing the iron hold their other hand had. “Can I just... keep this for a bit longer?”

Blue looked at MK, looking between the other him and the staff that was rightfully his before sighing and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Not like I need it right this second,” he said, his scowl vanishing completely as he stood and yanked over his backpack and put it back on after he pulled a baseball cap out and squished his hair into it and pulled it down to cover his face. “There’s gonna be someone here with you at all times until you get out, just to keep you in the loop of what’s going on here. We’ll figure out where you’re staying if Mac doesn’t figure out a way to get you home by tonight.” He moved toward the entrance to the room, turning back before opening it. “I’ll be back, I gotta restock my bag. There’s a couple people who wanna talk to you already... don’t... freak out.”

Before MK could ask what Blue meant the young man opened the door and slipped out, talking to someone just out of his line of vision before running off down the hall.

And then they saw the overly familiar sight of Pigsy and Tang... except they weren’t.

Pigsy, their Pigsy, was always in a chef’s uniform unless he was sleeping. Rough edges softened when he smiled or looked at MK or Mei with that exasperated look that MK knew meant he cared. Tang, their Tang, was a scholar who looked the part in every way, old fashioned clothes and books in hand. Always smiling when he could manage it and carefree.

This Pigsy was.. soft. And fluffy. Literally soft and fluffy. And wore oversized sweaters and smiled in a way that fit more on someone else’s face but felt right at home on his. This Tang was...

Well, the only way MK could think to describe the man before them was “skinny biker with probably hidden muscles who would kick your ass”. He looked the same but his hair was more wild, sunglasses pushing his bangs up, decked out in a (probably fake) leather jacket... but he had the same scarf.

And he and Pigsy were holding hands.

“I suppose you already know who we are,” the biker version of Tang said, smile on his face very awkward and seeming somewhat forced in a “I don’t know if this is helping but I’m gonna try” kind of way. “And we know who... you are. Kinda.”

“Yeah,” MK responded, thinking for a moment back to when he was found on the beach. “Were you... were you the ones with Blue, the other me, on Mount Huaguo?”

“Yeah,” the soft Pigsy said and... wow, hearing that voice say something so gently so casually was throwing him through a loop. “M-Blue was convinced we needed to get out of the city for the day and brought us along for his training. We didn’t expect to find... well, another him...” Pigsy frowned, the first one MK saw on his face and it felt so much more openly worried than their own Pigsy’s scowls. “How are you feeling?”

MK looked down at the staff in their hands, then back up to the two men in front of them.

They weren’t the two people MK considered father figures. They weren’t. But they were. And as MK tried to process this they felt their breathing speed up faster and faster and faster until-

“Hey,” Tang said, gentle and soft voice breaking MK from their racing thoughts as he reached out to put a hand in MK’s hair but stopped himself short. Probably in remembering that they weren’t Blue. “You can stay with us if you want. Once you’re discharged and if you need somewhere to stay.”

Well... that didn’t help at all.

No.

Instead it opened the floodgates and MK started crying harder than they had since the final fight with the White Bone Spirit, curling in on themselves as the last few days and what had transpired really hit them.

“What the FUCK did you do!?” He heard his own voice shout from the doorway.

~

It looked like PIgsy’s apartment. But not.

MK’s hands clenched at air, wishing they still had the staff for comfort. But no, they insisted that Blue take it back when they were discharged.

Blue was still the Monkie Kid after all. He needed the staff to fight.

MK... was just MK here. And they couldn’t fight, not while recovering from their injuries anyway.

But oh how they wish they hadn’t given it back. It felt so right and yet so wrong to hold it. They didn’t realize how much they had grown attached to the object until it was...

“MK?” Once again Pigsy’s voice startled him, not for the first time since they arrived at the apartment and MK took up the extra bedroom that this world’s counterpart had once stayed in until the apartment above the shop opened up for them. “Do you need anything?”

“No,” they responded, hands gripping the edge of their jacket in an attempt to hold something solid. It wasn’t the same. “I can handle myself.”

“I know you can, but you don’t have to,” Pigsy said, coming into the room holding a cup of water and putting it on the nightstand. “And you don’t have to talk to us, if you don’t want to... but it’d probably help. Even if you just ramble about something.”

Had this been the other Pigsy he probably would have something something like “You may technically be an adult, but you’re still my child”. Something firm and gruff and filled with underlying affection for the younger adult. But this Pigsy... there was some of that there. A firmness to his words, though the gruffness was missing. But he could feel the affection he must have had for Blue transferring to themself, the knowledge that they weren’t the same person holding most of it back.

But it was still there.

And MK hadn’t really talked to anyone since the short lived argument with Blue.

“... You uh...” they started, chuckling quietly as they twisted their fingers together. “You said you own a flower shop? My Pigsy, uh... he, runs a noodle shop.”

It wasn’t going to help. MK was certain that talking about their family and friends and how different they were would probably make how he felt worse.

But sitting there and ignoring it would make it worse far quicker in their mind.

So MK talked. For hours. Eventually Tang joined the two, both listening as MK recalled all the differences and similarities and...

Well. They listened. Just like their own Pigsy and Tang would.

... they wondered if they would ever get to go back.

[witch-city]

hiii i was wondering if you could maybe do a yelena x reader one where reader and yelena have a situationship type of thing going on because yelena is afraid of commitment

your future

marvel masterlist | marvel headcanons | navigation

yelena belova x reader

word count: 793 words

a/n: oooh first yelena fic AND first request. anyways, i hope this is good :)

warnings: very much angst

requests are open!

This was not your typical Thursday afternoon, absolutely not. Between getting kidnapped by some bad guy that you knew nothing about and your "friend" saving you as if you were more than friends, nothing about it was typical. In reality, you were more than friends. You and Yelena had been a "thing" for a while, but for some reason, she wanted to keep it secret and not official. You hated everything about that, but still, you respected her wishes.

You waited on the quinjet, tapping your foot with your arms crossed as you waited for Yelena to return. Questions raced through your mind as time went by. Does she even care? Am I just a plaything that she's stringing along? You were brought back to reality by hearing multiple pairs of boots make their way onto the quinjet.

"Yelena, that was incredibly irresponsible. You can't just go into the field without any knowledge of it or backup. We expect better from you," you heard Steve scold much like a disappointed parent, which he, of course, tended to be. Yelena mumbled something in response, but you couldn't figure out what she said.

You stood at the far end of the jet, staring out the window emotionlessly. Well, that's what it looked like. In truth, you had so many emotions–anger, sadness, worry, hope, fear, stress–running through your veins, too many that you didn't know what to do with.

"What the hell was that, 'little miss perfect, coming to save the day again?'"

"I don't want to talk to you right now, Yelena. In fact, I don't want to hear or even see you because screw you," you replied, turning your head slightly so you could see her out of your peripheral. You noticed her baffled expression and how she stepped back slightly.

"Whoa...what did I do?"

You went silent, trying to calm down, but once she placed her hand on your arm, you couldn't hold back. "Stop it! Stop giving me hope that we're something that will happen," you turned as tears welled in your eyes.

"I loved- love you, but you have never loved me! And it is so painfully obvious. For a spy, you're a pretty lousy liar. I can't live like this–waiting for something that is clearly never going to happen. I feel crazy, like I'm thinking up stuff that's not real!"

Taking a deep breath, you regained your composure, save a single tear that dared to roll down to your chin. "You don't care about anyone but yourself." And with that, you walked away, wanting to be nowhere near Yelena now. Well, you almost walked away, but she interrupted you. "Can I say something? Even if you don't believe what I'm about to say, I need you to know that I wouldn't lie to you. Especially not about something like this."

You stopped, not even looking back. You just wanted to see what she would say, if she would try to fix this. That was your last bit of hope for her.

"I love you."

There it was, a moment too late. Still, the words nearly made you melt. "I love you, and I need you to know that. I've never loved anybody the way I love you. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I can't deny what it is I want any longer."

You felt a hand on your shoulder and, of course, turned to face her. By saying that, she had begun the waterworks. "I've loved you since the day we met. I just haven't been able to say it because...I'm scared of losing you. I'm sorry."

You stared at her, getting lost in her brown eyes per usual. Now, it all made sense.

"Maybe if you kiss me, I'll believe it."

The corner of her mouth turned upward in a small smirk before she pressed them to yours. It was the most perfect kiss you had ever shared. Maybe it was all the emotions you felt and the sudden joy she had given you, but perhaps it was something else. Who cares anyway?

She pulled away and whispered, "I love you more than I have ever loved anything else. And I don't care who knows it because all I know is my love for you and how perfect you are."

What were you to say to that? What could you possibly say to prove how much you adored her now? You had completely forgotten about your anger for her hesitancy, but everything was exactly how you wanted it now. Why would you even bother thinking about it? It was in the past now, and while you couldn't predict it, you knew Yelena was your future.

[emsylcatac]

I don't know how to explain this right, but after Hack-san, I'm worried that the show is never actually going to deal with Chat's emotional fallout from all of this the way we want them to. This was a perfect opportunity to show how upset or hurt or angry he *should* be after finding out Ladybug shared her identity with someone, but the only thing he was sad about at the end was that he might someday lose Ladybug. The show has always put a huge emphasis on Chat's love for Ladybug, and while that's fair, that is one of the main plots of the show, I think all of the fandom now wants more - we want to see his justified hurt over the lies and exclusions. We want to see some real depth to Chat that we know exists. But this episode really does have me worried that the resolution is always going to be about 'Chat is worried he's going to lose Ladybug because he loves her' and not 'Chat is sad/upset/hurt after finding out all the ways someone he loves and respects has lied to and deliberately excluded him (however understandable her reasons are)'. I don't think that made any sense, I'm sorry

Hey there! You make sense don't worry! 😊

Okay so this will be a liiiiiittle long but here it goes! You have first to remember that Hack San was episode 16 (yeah we're really not being helped with this releasing schedule). Which means, from what we know:

13: Optigami, the first episode of S4 where Chat Noir feels like there's some kind of change or that he's a little sidelined as he wasn't there for the fight.

14: Sentibubbler, he realises Rena and Ladybug are making plans without him and starts to feel upset. However, with him being almost captured at the end and the plan in question functioning, he changes his mind and congratulates Ladybug about her plan with Rena.

15: ?? we don't have it yet but we know there will be talk about his romantic feelings towards Ladybug.

16: hi we're here!

In that regard, he's still kind of hopeful and trying to shrug off that there are things that are wrong between him and Ladybug. Him being understanding of her revealing her identity isn't that surprising, because it's still at the start and there hasn't been much misunderstandings yet. As I said in an ask yesterday, there's also the fact that he saw Ladybug's decision as her getting backup for herself and not replacing him, so in a way he's reassured in that regard. She also showed herself as sorry and understanding, telling him directly she'd understand if he was upset at her. She didn't brush him off there, and he didn't discover it in a "I was actively trying to hide this from you" way as she ended up coming to talk about it with him and felt guilty.

However... we know that the next episode is Rocketear. Where he learns that Ladybug once again messed up the identity rule and didn't mind it, which will make him question that whole discussion in Hack San. We see him being more disheartened in Rocketear. That's one of the clue that tells us the passive conflict between them hasn't been solved at all, and is resurfacing in the form of bigger misunderstandings. So I have no doubts the show will deal with the fallout of his feelings, they can't have built that much only to brush it off! There are too many signs and ominous warnings telling us something is gonna happen.

Another thing is, him being afraid to loose Ladybug doesn't necessarily have anything to do with his romantic attach to her and I think that's very important to have in mind. Adrien is someone who holds his friendships very high and values them a lot. He lost his mother a year prior, has a father being more than distant and feels more and more abandoned by him as time goes on. Of course the idea of Ladybug disappearing is terrible to him. This has nothing to do with his romantic feelings, she's just someone very dear to him and one of his best friend first and foremost, and someone he admires. We already saw that the idea of her forgetting him in Furious Fu was devastating to him. This here is to emphasise how afraid he is of being abandoned, and I have few doubts this will come into play later on and in the current conflict. The idea that she could just disappear on him without a warning and no way to find her again is terrible also because he knows exactly what it feels like. That's not about his romantic feelings, that's also his trauma talking here!

This is getting really long and I haven't even broached the topic of Adrien's self worth vision and how he'll likely think at first that the problem comes from him, but I'll still leave it at that 😅

Basically how you need to see it is that this episode wasn't the one to deal with the fallout of all the secrets between them as it's still too early. Adrien needs to be pushed to the last straw (is that the expression? something sounds wrong but anyway) before you'll see him explode properly. This episode was only fake reassurance as I feel like this talk he got with Ladybug is going to be shot down during Rocketear or later episodes when he'll discover she's actively keeping Rena Furtive from him for instance. But right now, it's not about the fandom wants but what makes sense for his character to do, and Hack San didn't give him enough reasons to be mad at Ladybug entirely. Not yet!

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Fifteen

⚠WARNING: Mention of previous character's death

• ────── ✾ ────── •

You set your phone down and look at Oikawa’s prone body lying next to you.

Once you returned to your apartment Oikawa was 99% asleep - you’re really not sure how he was able to put one foot in front of the other, but he did. You were going to deposit him into your bed but Oikawa was clinging to you like an octopus. So instead you let gravity do the work and you both had fallen backwards onto your comforter and pillows.

Oikawa didn’t even bother moving to get underneath the blankets before he properly fell asleep, mouth open and everything. He remained clutched to your arms, and you were helpless to try and escape from under him.

Ever since they were children, Oikawa always had to cling to someone and he’d be especially clingy when he was upset (which given today wasn’t surprising that you couldn’t pry yourself from his grip.) Since you, Oikawa and Hajime all lived in the same neighborhood since elementary, you had frequent sleepovers at each other’s homes. And sure enough, every time Oikawa would subconsciously choose you or Hajime to cling to while sleeping.

Hajime absolutely hated it but you didn’t mind.

Watching your friend sleep you can't help but give a sad little smile. He looks peaceful and so young in sleep. You know he’s the furthest from innocent right now, and he has a lot of work ahead of him to fully earn your trust back. But you wish that he wasn’t tortured with the troubles that plague you all.

A knock at the door makes you sit up. Oikawa’s face pinches at the motion, and you speak to him. “Mattsun and Makki are here, but you can sleep if you want.”

His reply is a sleepy grumble but he too sits up. You know that despite him only getting a few hours of sleep he won’t want to be left alone in your room. Together, with Oikawa leaning on you, you walk to the door and let in your friends. Mattsun raises his eyebrows at the sight of a clingy and exhausted Oikawa hanging off your frame but you just shrug. Makki seems to take pity on you as he drags Oikawa off and over to the couch, handing his coat off to Mattsun to hang up.

“Thanks for coming over,” you tell Mattsun. “I’m gonna put the kettle on and order some lunch.”

Mattsun nods. “Whatever you need to do.” He gives you a small smile and leaves you in the apartment entrance. You can recognize that he’s giving you space and letting you set the boundaries for the conversation to follow, and you appreciate his tact.

After you order the take out and make tea you enter your living room and see Makki and Mattsun sharing your couch. Oikawa is slumped in your armchair, eyelids drooping as he tries to stay away.

“Oikawa you can go back to sleep if you want.” You offer after setting down the tray with tea. He shakes his head at you as you pass out mugs but doesn’t verbalize.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” You settle on the ground by the coffee table, choosing to face your friends instead of sitting next to them. It’s quiet for a few minutes while everyone relaxes in their seats and sips the jasmine tea you’ve made. There’s a tangible tension in the air, stemming from the second Oikawa opened his mouth at the restaurant last night to this very moment. Mattsun and Makki are waiting for you to initiate, for in their eyes you were ready to tear Oikawa limb from limb yesterday and today you greeted them at the door with your tall friend clinging to you.

Plus there's the whole you loving Hajime thing that should be addressed.

You know that your friends would never, ever push you to discuss it. But they’re probably wondering why they weren’t privy to the info, why Oikawa was, and if you don’t trust them or something. The last thing you want is to make your friends doubt the relationship you have with them, so you’re ready to clear the air and address the elephant in the room.

“I love Hajime.” You say. Everyone looks up from their tea to you. “I’ve been in love with him since the first year of high school, I think.”

Predictably, you’re met with matching sad looks. But even though you knew it was coming, you still can’t squirm uncomfortably at the pity you feel coming from them. This was exactly why you didn’t want anyone to know, especially now.

“Were you ever going to tell him?” Mattsun asks quietly.

You shrug, both at his question and the uneasiness settling in your gut “I didn’t feel like I needed to at the time. We were still in high school, still living life. I was happy with our friendship and I didn’t think anything more.” You smile ruefully. “If anything I think I was more worried about not being friends with him anymore if a confession went south.

“Honestly, I didn’t think that there would be a day that I wouldn’t be able to tell him how I felt. Even if I grew out of those feelings, part of me thought I’d be able to confess some day. I don’t regret our friendship, not when I wanted more. But I do regret not being upfront about my feelings with Hajime. He was my best friend, and I should’ve been able to tell him anything.”

You feel tears prick at your eyes and you look down at your tea. “We all have wonderful memories with Hajime, and I will never ever forget him. But it sucks, because while the memories are wonderful I can’t help but think how much better they could’ve been if I told him how I felt about him.”

You sniff, holding back your tears. You look back up and see Oikawa wiping his eyes and Makki sniffling.

Mattsun is looking at you with a serious expression. “I don’t want to go through hypotheticals or explore ‘what ifs,’ but I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Iwazumi cared for you differently than he did us. And I don’t think it was because you were best friends growing up with Oikawa, because he hated Oikawa.”

“Hey!” Oikawa pipes up from his spot, but there’s no real heat behind it.

Mattsun shifts, clearing his throat. When he speaks again his voice is rough with emotion. “You were precious to him, and his actions reflected how much he cared for you.”

You recognize that Mattsun is not outright saying the L-word but his careful alluding makes you smile tearfully. “I know, and he’s always going to hold a special place in my heart.”

Nobody says anything to that, and the room is blanketed with silence again.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Makki asks quietly, subdued. “Oikawa knew, but me and Issei didn’t.”

You sigh, your chest tight at the wounded look on Makki’s face. “I didn’t mean for Oikawa to find out. And I didn’t want to hide it because I didn’t trust you. But I just didn’t know how to bring it up, especially after Hajime passed away. I just,” you pause, sighing. “We’re all struggling, and I didn’t want you to think differently of me, or I didn’t want you to think that your feelings weren’t valid.”

It’s a lame excuse, but it’s probably the best way you can explain your thoughts. You’re not sure if their feelings are stronger or lesser than yours but you don’t need to know. The varying levels of grief people feel do not need to meet a criteria to be judged. Just because you love Hajime beyond the level of friendship that Oikawa, Mattsun or Makki probably love Hajime doesn’t mean that you “win” the game of grief.

“Y/N,” Mattsun says softly. “We’re your friends, and we want you to come to us with anything. Well, anything you feel comfortable sharing, which I guess in this case you weren’t comfortable with.” Mattsun pauses, it looks like he’s struggling to pick his words. “I do feel pain for you, but mainly because you’ve been dealing with these thoughts alone. I’m sorry if we ever gave you the impression that you couldn’t talk to us.”

You shake your head. “It’s not that, I swear. I just didn’t want to burden you all.”

Mattsun sighs. “I understand, and I don’t want to push you to share anything you don’t want to. But we love Iwaizumi, and if you want to talk about him or need to talk about him, know you can always come to us.”

Makki and Oikawa nod in agreement. You feel your eyes sting again but you smile, because you have the most kind and generous friends you could ask for. Hindsight is 20/20, but your heart does feel lighter knowing that your friends won’t ostracize you or anything because you love Hajime.

“We should’ve known that Oikawa would’ve just confronted Y/N straight on, he’s always been a jerk like that.” Makki says teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.

But instead of squawking in protest or complaining dramatically, Oikawa nods. “Yeah, I’m an asshole.”

Makki’s smile instantly shifts into an uncomfortable frown. “Oikawa, I was just joking -”

“But you’re right.” Oikawa cuts him off firmly. “And I’ve been even worse the past few months. I haven’t been taking care of myself like I should, and I’m sorry taking my frustrations out on you guys.” He takes in a breath. “I’m going to take a break from volleyball so I can make time for my therapy sessions.”

You, Mattsun and Makki all share the same look of surprise. “Oikawa, are you sure?” You can’t help but think back to Oikawa’s reason for not wanting to quit volleyball, and part of you feels guilty for suggesting he take away the strong connection he had to Hajime.

But Oikawa gives you a weak smile. “If Iwa-chan were here, he would call me a dumbass for not taking care of myself.”

“Yeah, he’d probably call you a dumbass and throw a volleyball at your head.” Makki adds. Oikawa squawks at the tease, making everyone in the room laugh.

You smile as you watch Oikawa snap back at Makki, with Mattsun egging them both on. They fall into a routine they’ve established since high school. The one missing component - Hajime either ignoring Oikawa’s calls for backup or sharing comistering looks with you - is obvious, but it doesn’t hurt as much. Your friends’ presence in your apartment fills you with warmth and comfort, like a warm blanket at the end of a hard day.

A knock at the door disrupts your thoughts and you stand to grab the takeout. Mattsun goes to the kitchen to grab plates and utensils, while Oikawa and Makki continue to squabble in the living room. You and Mattsun return to the living room at the same time, causing Makki and Oikawa to call a truce and grab food. There’s a comfortable silence in your apartment as you all fill your plates and settle. As you dig in, an errant thought comes to your mind.

“Oikawa, how do you know where Osamu lives?”

Oikawa speaks around the noodles shoved in his mouth. “I have a fan who works in the registrar’s office and it wasn’t hard to bribe her to look it up.”

“Yeah, that’s something we haven’t talked about yet.” Makki notes, looking right at you.

You avoid his gaze. “About Oikawa’s fans? Yes, it’s ridiculous how crazy they are.”

“That’s not what I was talking about and you know it.”

You glance up, sighing at the looks of intrigue on Makki and Mattsun’s faces. “I was upset last night, and I left my keys at his place. He let me stay because I was upset. We’re just friends.”

Mattsun purses his lips at you, but Makki has a thoughtful look.

“Well, he’s pretty cute. If Mattsun ever gets tired of me I might have to give him a call.”

“Shut up,” you hiss. You know you’re just playing into his trap, and hell would have to freeze over before Mattsun and Makki broke up but you couldn’t even hold back your distaste at the idea.

The smirk on Makki’s face only grows. “Oh, is Osamu into possessiveness?”

“Excuse me?” You ask darkly.

“He said you were possessive.” Oikawa helpfully supplies with his mouth full of food. You’re about to yell at him for manners when Mattsun speaks up.

“You’re different around him.”

Uh oh, he’s using the same voice he used earlier when talking about Hajime and you. He’s not teasing you.

“Different how?” You ask quietly.

He shrugs. “Different, like how you acted around Iwaizumi.”

His observation is met with silence, Makki glancing at Mattsun nervously and Oikawa gazing directly at you.

“Do you like Osamu-kun?” Oikawa asks.

“Wow, yet again Oikawa is not scared to ask the hard questions!” Your attempts at deflection do not go well, as Mattsun serves you an intense look.

“Do you like him?”

You push back, rolling your eyes. “I think you guys know more than anyone that I’m in no state to be in a relationship right now.”

“That’s not what we’re asking.” Oikawa replies. He’s still staring at you, but it’s not a mean look on his face. Neither Mattsun nor Makki are looking at you meanly either, but all three of your friends’ eyes bore into you. Oikawa speaks up again. “Do you feel differently about Osamu compared to me, Mattsun and Makki?”

Your first instinct is to say no because you do see him as you see your friends. You think of all of the conversations you’ve both had about school and classes. And you think of all the stories you’ve shared about growing up in Sendai and your likes, dislikes.

You would even say that you and Osamu are best friends, given how much you’ve relied on him when it comes to dealing with Iwaizumi. A twinge of guilt twists in your stomach as you worry that maybe you rely on him too much. He has his own burdens to carry.

But at the end of the day, you just know that he’d be there for you. And he’s shown time and time again that he will be there for a late night phone call or a shoulder to cry on.

Even those late night text conversations when you’re too scared to fall asleep. Or how the way he supports is different to Makki, Mattsun and Oikawa.

But why? Why is it different?

Is it because he didn’t know the Y/N you were when you were younger? He didn’t know the Y/N that existed before high school?

He doesn’t know you from before Hajime died. He’s seen this raw, broken-down version of you. And he still wants to talk to you. He still wants to hang out and get coffee and be with you.

And in return, you know this raw, broken-down version of Osamu. Honestly, you could care less if the Osamu you never knew was the richest man in the world, or the smartest man alive. The Osamu now has been shaped and has grown from every experience he’s lived, the good and the bad. And everytime you talk you find out more about him that draws you in more. You’re never going to be satisfied until you find out everything about him. You’re not sure if it’s obsession or infatuation, but every little fact you unearth brings you a joy that you haven’t felt in some time.

You revel in the small expressions he shows around you and your ability to decipher his mood based on those looks. You shine when he focuses on you, his intense gaze indicating that he’s giving you his full attention on you and only you.

You felt safe with the strong arm around your shoulders when you felt like breaking. You felt comforted when he wiped your tears from your face.

You felt loved.

You look up at your friends, amazed.

“Oh my god, I think I like Osamu.”

The boys nod their head at you, none of them surprised by your revelation. You look down at your full plate, appetite long gone. You honestly can’t believe you’ve been so blind. Looking back it was so OBVIOUS that you’ve had feelings for Osamu for a long time.

Another thought crosses your mind, much more displeasing than your realizing your feelings for Osamu. “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship though.”

The boys nod at you again. This time Oikawa isn’t able to hold back his eyes roll. “Well obviously.”

You shrink down, feeling a new level of low. There’s no way you could try to pursue a relationship with Osamu, not now. But what if he wants to? What if he returns your feelings and wants to date you? Or worse, what if he doesn’t accept your feelings and doesn’t want to be your friend anymore?

“Y/N-chan, get out of your head.” Oikawa sing-songs, and it does bring you out of your head. You look at him and frown.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Babe, you don’t have to do anything.” Makki replies.

“But I want to.” You say instantly. “I mean, I think I want to, or I should?”

“But you know that you’re not in the right headspace to pursue a relationship now.” Mattsun reminds you gently. “And making sure you’re healthy enough to give the relationship all that you can is important.”

You nod sadly, agreeing. But your face must display your disappointment, so Oikawa sets his plate down and comes to sit by you.

“Look, just take it day by day. Nothing really has to change, you just have a different outlook on your relationship with Osamu.” He grabs your hand and holds it in both of his. “Instead of looking through a plain window, you’re looking through a stained glass window, right? It’s still Osamu out there, and he’s still the same person you like and want to be with. But now your relationship with him is richer and more vibrant. Even if you can’t act on your feelings now, you still have this new and beautiful view.”

You stare at Oikawa, dumbfounded. Mattsun and Makki look equally surprised at the deep and meaningful comparison Oikawa pulled out of nowhere.

“Wow,” Makki eventually says. “I didn’t know you could be so romantic, Oikawa.”

“Excuse you, I’m very romantic!” Oikawa snaps back indignantly. “Anyway, Y/N-chan, I guarantee that Osamu will be willing to wait. He’ll be patient, especially with you.”

“What would you know about patience?” Makki asks, genuine confusion in his voice.

Oikawa snaps again wordlessly, his tone shrill. You and Mattsun laugh, and the rest of the day is filled with everyone laughing and teasing each other.

At some point you take a second to look at your friends and smile. Your lives are unimaginably hard, and Hajime missing from these get-togethers still makes your heart ache. But with Oikawa, Mattsun and Makki here to soothe the pain, you know you can get through the worst of it.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: Okay, so all the cards on the table - I cried during the entire writing process with this chapter - planning it, drafting it, writing it, finalizing it AND even reviewing it. It’s not the first time I’ve had emotional reactions to my own writing, but it’s the first time it’s been such a visceral reaction. Not only is it so satisfying to see that small character growth from Oikawa, but the character growth from Y/N was oh so satisfying. She is FINALLY opening up to her friends, and they are FINALLY having a conversation that has been MONTHS in the making. She isn’t scared to suppress her feelings anymore, and she FINALLY trusts herself to open up to her friends, despite her subconscious trying to protect her from being vulnerable in front of those she cares about. If you’re reading this now, please know that there is NOTHING wrong with being open and forthcoming about your feelings. The people in your life who love you unconditionally, including me, will THANK you for it. 💖💖💖 Okay, gonna go cry again after writing this A/N LOLOLOL.

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

[checkingoutforheroes]

Natasha’s Birthday.

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Words: 2786

Warning: None? I think.

Genre: Just fluffff. I PROMISE!

AU Notes: I suggest you listen to Uptown Girl by Westlife or Billy Joel while reading this💃🏻🕺🏻

Synopsys: Natasha is not happy to celebrate her own birthday party without her love life. Can Y/n make it?

              People starts filling the party area in the compound. Perks of being Tony Stark best friend, he will never miss any of your guy’s birthday. Party is a must! Natasha try to hid her sad and disappoint feeling on her own party but fail when Wanda can easily feel and read mind. 

             Y/n have been send to a week mission yesterday and there is no way she can come home. The team acknowledge that and tried their best to cheer their friend up. Thor arrived and Tony greet him. “Right on time, Point Break. Party about to start.” “I couldn’t miss the party. It’s birthday party, there must be a cake. How’s Natasha? I heard Y/n is on a mission.” The god of thunder asking his fellow Avengers. 

            Clint answer him while Tony ask Pepper to call Natasha and Wanda to come down. “This is a secret okay. Do not, any circumstances, tell Natasha this but Y/n is not on a ‘work’ mission.” Thor confuse “What do you mean?” “He means; Y/n is preparing a big surprise for Natasha. It’s more like a show for her. We all kind of have a part in it. Sorry you didn’t have time to rehearse with us.” Steve explaining to him and Thor just sip his drinks happily. “That’s okay. I like watching a show. We have them on Asgard too, when we celebrating something. Like this.”

             “And, done.” Wanda is doing Natasha’s hair and can’t help to hear her thought. “Maybe Y/n will celebrate it with you when she’s back. I know it past your birthday but I also know she definitely celebrating it.” Natasha just smiling on her chair, looking at Wanda through the mirror in front of them. “You invading my privacy.”

           Wanda just giggle to answer to her mentor. “Well you’re not helping by thinking too loud. We all here for you tonight and I swear I can hear Thor already betting with someone, something about a drink?”

          “Thor’s here huh? He’s been away in space but still can manage to come visit his fellow Avengers birthday party. While Y/n was away in a silly mission.” Natasha fake a smile.

          “I understand if you want to strangle Fury right now but it’s time to go.” Someone knocking on the door and Pepper come in to get them. “Well, I’m here to invite this birthday girl to her own birthday party.” Natasha smile at her. “We are going. Let’s go.” Pepper nodding “Good idea. Because Thor is just a step away to get everybody drunk.”

             They can hear the music blasting when they reach to the floor. “I guess you’re the one who handling the guests invitation?” Natasha asking Pepper. “If I let Tony, he’ll invite the whole Manhattan.” “You know me so well now, Pepper.”

           Tony grabs the mic from the DJ and announce Natasha’s arrival. “Ladies and gentlemen, I announcing the arrival of our birthday girl for tonight, The Double Agent imposter.” The crowds go silent and only Tony and Thor are laughing. “I was just kidding. The lovely Natasha Romanoff!!” Now the crowds cheering loudly.

           The party goes smoothly as planned. Some of the guess already drunk, chatting with their friends, playing at the pool table, throwing darts and here they are, in a group, sitting in a lounge, chatting with the birthday girl. “I see there are 3 piles of presents.” Asked by the birthday girl.

“They are from your rich guests here, your fan clubs and your little fans.” Clint told her.

“That’s sweet.” She said and Steve notice something is not right. “What is it? You not like it?”

“I like it.”

“She’ll kill to be here but no choice.” Steve try to makes his friend feel better at her own birthday.

“I asked Fury for an exchange, me instead, but you know that old man.” Clint assure her.

           “Thank you for trying making me feel better. Well, the God is here. What more can I wish for right?” Natasha smile at Thor. “I apologize, I didn’t bring anything from Asgard. I’m from another course and drop by here but I have this humble drink for you.” Thor hand the drink in an antique and unique bottle to Natasha and she takes it. “Thanks! I could really use it now though.” Tony looks unsatisfied at Thor. “And you didn’t bring one for me?!” Pepper interject him “Thanks to that. You are already drunk even when you’re sober.” “I cannot disagree to that statement.” Sam jokes. Clint, Tony and Steve excuse themselves.

          Wanda immediately stops her from drinking that drink. “Why did you stop me?” She asked and Wanda told her to enjoy the party. “You can drink that later because you might want to enjoy your ‘not so boring’ party first. That drink is probably too strong you know, not made for human.” “Everybody else is probably drunk right now, I don’t see why I can’t.” “I can’t let you because-”

         Right on time the music play and Natasha turn her head so fast to the stage when she hears Y/n voice. “...that.” Wanda finishes her sentences. Turns out it’s not just you. There Steve on the keyboard, Clint on drum, Tony on bass guitar and Maria Hill on electric guitar. All wearing the same old S.H.I.E.L.D old uniform, sleeve rolling up. They all have microphone with them and singing as backup vocals as Y/n go lead.

          Uptown girl,

          She’s been living in her uptown world

          I bet she never had a backstreet guy

          I bet her mama never told her why

          I’m gonna try for an uptown girl  (Uptown girl…)

         She’s been living in her white, bright world (white, bright world…)

         As long as anyone with the hot blood can (hot blood can…)

         And now she’s lookin’ for a downtown man (downtown man…)

         That’s what I am

         Her green eyes sparkles bright enough to light up the room when she sees you on stage singing the classic Uptown Girl. She turns to Wanda and Pepper asking whether it is really Y/n or a hologram. “Is that?” Wanda smiles wide and nods. “Yes, that’s Y/n.” Pepper add “I kill Tony myself if that is screen recording or hologram.”

              And when she knows

              What she wants

              From her time

             And when she wake up

             And make up

             Her mind

            She’ll see I’m not so tough (duet with Steve)

            Just because

            I’m in love with an uptown girl  (uptown girl)

           You know I see her in her uptown world (uptown world)

           She’s getting tired of her high class toys (high class toys)

           And all her presents from her

           Uptown boys  (uptown boys)

          She’s got a choice.

          Oh oh oh oh oh oh

          Oh oh oh oh oh oh

           Fury come out of nowhere “It is so awkward to see The Avengers singing. And dancing. Maybe not for Captain America.” Natasha turns to see Fury. “Nick. Is this part of your plan too?” He smiles “How can I not? She’s been begging me for the last two months to not give any of you a mission specifically on this day. It’s worth it.”

Natasha chuckles, out of words. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” Fury turns over and showing Natasha’s family. Yes, her family. Alexi, Melina and her little sister Yelena.

Wanda whisper at Natasha’s ear “They are real too.” She nods at Natasha “Go.”

           Thor walks towards Wanda and Fury. “I’ve never seen her smiling that big.” Pepper and Wanda looking at her greeting her family. “Me too.”

          “Such a noble thing you did.” Thor said to Fury and he just smiling. Natasha brings her family to introduce to Wanda, Thor and Pepper. They continue watching the show and Wanda pulls Natasha’s hand when Y/n calling them to come up the stage. “Let’s go. All of us. The band need us.” Pepper let Natasha’s family walks first. Wanda presenting Natasha and let Y/n takes her hand. She goes next to Steve, Pepper next to Tony, Thor doing silly dance next to Maria and be silly together while her family enjoying with all of them near Clint.

             Uptown girl

             You know I can’t afford to buy her pearl

             But maybe when my ship comes in

             She’ll understand what kind of guy I’ve been

             And then I win.

Y/n put her hand out for Natasha to take and walking on the stage. Que for her walking. Luckily Natasha play along.

             And when she’s walking

             She’s looking so fine

             And when she’s talking

             She’s say that she’s mine

Y/n pass her to her family and jog towards Tony.

             She’ll say I’m not so tough (duet with Tony)

             Just because

             I’m in love with an uptown girl  (oohhh)

             She’s been living in her white, bread world (oohhh)

             As long as anyone with a hot blood can (ooohhh)

             And now she’s looking for a downtown man (oohhh)

             That’s what I am

             Oh oh oh oh

             Oh oh oh oh

             While the rest of them singing the ‘Oh’ parts, you Y/n whisper to Natasha. “You know the next part. You’ve seen the video.” Natasha shyly looking at her family and friends until Yelena yells “Go! This is one in a lifetime chances.” Natasha looks at Y/n, her smile still plastering at her beautiful face. “Why are you doing this to me?” “Because I love you. Dance with me.” The music continues playing even they stop playing the instruments to gather around just like they practiced. Tony already set the music with Friday and it knows the queue.

             Uptown girl  (uptown girl)

             She’s my uptown girl

             You know I’m in love

             With an uptown girl  (uptown girl)

             My uptown girl

            You know I’m in love

             With a birthday girl  (uptown girl)

            She’s my birthday girl

            You know I’m in love

            With an uptown girl  (uptown girl)

             My uptown girl….

            They let their friend finish that song. Everybody enjoying the moment and each of them have biggest smile on their faces. Even Fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D himself. It’s weird but yes, he is smiling. Y/n and Natasha go hugs their friends and family. Y/n stops at Natasha’s family while she’s with Steve and Maria at the other end.

“I know I just met you, but I already like you Y/n.” Melina says to Y/n and Alexi continue. “It’s hard to see her smile like that. Not even when she’s a kid.”

“Take a good care of my sister. I trust you.” Yelena said.

“She doesn’t even trust me! Her father.” Alexi said and Yelena jus rolling her eyes.

            Y/n look at them with hope and grateful in her eyes. “Thank you, for allowing me to marry your daughter, sister. I promise I’ll take care of her.” Yelena sees her sister coming toward them “What are you waiting for? Go put the ring on her finger, in-law.” Y/n smiles big at Yelena’s as she called her sister in-law.

             The crowds getting quiet when Tony put a ‘silent’ sign on the screen above them while the other screen focus on Y/n and Natasha without they even notice. Secretly Tony recording the whole thing since the beginning and make the whole documentary out of it. Y/n surely need to thank him.

             “Happy birthday, Natasha. You, look so, d.. divine. Tonight.” Y/n nervously said to her soon to be fiancé. Hopefully.

              “You sound nervous. You’ve been singing, dancing in front of hundreds people in this room and you’re nervous to praise me?” Natasha cupping your cheek with her right hand. Y/n pull her hand down and Natasha’s sensing something is wrong. “Y/n. What’s wrong?” They didn’t notice that all of The Avengers slowly moves behind Y/n. Even Y/n doesn’t know this part. It was Wanda’s idea. They all get down on their knee when Y/n is on her knee.

              “You’re right. I am nervous, now. I’m speechless. Over the edge, I’m breathless. I understand if… I understand...” Y/n is so nervous and let out a long sigh before looking at Natasha’s family behind her. They all nodding at Y/n. Y/n take a deep breath and pull out a red velvet box that have a diamond engagement ring from her pocket. Y/n get down on her knee.

              To be honest, Natasha is also nervous and shock, mix with happy and overwhelm when she sees not just Y/n who down on one knee but the whole Avengers. Her second family, also bending their knee but she keeps her composure. Y/n turns to see where Natasha’s looking and almost let out tears when she sees them. 

              They both looking eye to eye and Y/n starts talking. “You know how terrible I am with words when I’m nervous. That’s why I’m so bad at espionage. You are the most solid, nothing to solidify. Calm and collected. We avenge together, we mess up together. You know I love you, right? Natasha Romanoff, will you accept my proposal?” Wanda hissing and whisper directly to you from her place “Pssstt… Will you marry me. Will. You. Marry. Me.” Your eyes still lock on Natasha astonishing green eyes. “Sorry. Umm... Will you marry me?”

              “We drive each other mad, but what is love with no pain and suffer.” The whole room is so quiet that they can only listen to their own heart beats. “To you, I’ve never lied. For you, I’d take a life. I swear.” Natasha said eyes still on each other. “Your answer is…….?” Y/n gulp and Natasha smile. “Yes. I’ll marry you, my favorite Avengers.”

              Y/n get up from the floor and hug Natasha a little too strong because why not? She’s over the moon right now. Before Natasha kiss her new fiancé, Y/n turn around and runs to her friends. “SHE SAID YES GUYS! She said the big YES!!”

Pepper stops Y/n. “Y/n, have you kiss her yet?”

“I did hug her.”

They all yell “KISS HER!!” You run towards Natasha and kiss her. “I’m sorry I forget to kiss you. I’m so excited! Can I kiss you now?” Natasha giggles “You’ve never ask my permission before.” Y/n kiss Natasha in front of her family and they awkwardly watch especially Yelena.

“Are you sure she’s an Avenger? Not from any circus camp?” Yelena looking at her sister.

“No.” Natasha let out a small laugh. “No? Are you sure? Yes? No? ” “No…” “Okay if you’re sure, because I want you to be happy.” The sisters hug each other for a while meanwhile Y/n and Wanda hold each other hand jumping up and down like children get what they wish for as Christmas present.  “she said Yes Wanda. I’m getting marry.” “Yes you’re getting marry.”  

“Natasha.” Melina caught her attention. “I’m proud of you. We, all proud of you. You’ve grown to be an incredible woman Natasha.”

“Looooonggg way from Ohio.” Yelena smiles. “I’ll never forget Ohio.” Natasha told he sister.

“She’s a good person, Natasha.” Alexi caught her attention. Seriousness shown on his face, he continues. “She did asked us for our blessing.” “She did what?” Now its her turn to be serious.

“She asked for our blessing. To marry you.”

“Y/n asked for your blessing?”

“Yes. I know! I can’t believe it too until I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Hah! You’re marrying a vintage.” Yelena laugh at her sister. “Mom, almost take her down with sniper.”

Natasha look sternly at Melina “Almost! Okay! Almost. I didn’t because she came unarms. Not even a swish blade.” Melina clearing the situation.

“She came to you guys? When?” Natasha asked her family.

“Yeah. Alone. Last month. Why?” Alexi asks her daughter.

“I thought Fury brought you guys here. I never told her where do you live. Only Fury knows, based on my file details.”

“She did break into Maria Hill’s personal computer just to find your original file. No one ever know that you and Barton had an original file. Somehow, she did. She’s a catch Romanoff.” Fury came behind her.

“Thank you.” Natasha at him.

“I have to go. It broke my heart to see the Avengers jumping like that.” He looks at the Avengers. “Lighten up, Fury. Let her have a moment.” Natasha said. “You better tell your fiancé not to break any S.H.I.E.L.D files or computers ever again. I’m watching.” He nods at her family and walks away. The family joins The Avengers drinking and chatting. Natasha greeted by Y/n and put her arm around Y/n neck.

“Hey you.” Y/n smiles.

“Hey fiancé.” Natasha smirking seductively at Y/n.

“Fiancé. Huh, I’d like that.”

“Wait until I call you my wife.”

“I’ll love that.”

Tony snap their picture and post it on instagram and twiter. The news travel so fast and the whole world are happy for them. Who doesn’t get excited. Two of earth mightiest heroes are engaged to each other. Their phones are blown off with calls, notification, texts, emails from fans, reporters, sponsors, government, agencies this, that. All of those are for congratulate the couple.  

[bau-baby]

i’m here.

word count: 996

warnings: reader gets shot, grief

A/N: So Tumblr decided to act up and posted this too early at first, which in turn got rid of the ask. But, it asked for a Hotch x Reader where the reader gets shot and it’s all cute and sentimental. Enjoy!

Nothing the team told you about being shot would prepare you for when it actually happened.

You weren’t thinking and you just wanted to bring the unsub in alive. So, you not only went into the location unarmed and without backup, but no Kevlar on either. You could hear Aaron’s voice barking through your comm system for you to stand down and wait. 

You, in your haze of wanting to save the victims, didn’t listen, much to everyone’s dismay.

It all happened so fast. You were trying to talk the unsub down when the sound of a gunshot pierced the air. Your left side suddenly felt like a burning fire, and you touch the origin of the feeling. Blood then coats your hand and your falling. 

You land hard on your back just as your team and SWAT barrel through the door, immediately seeing the aftermath of your stupidity. Aaron’s by your side and you try to tell him to go after the unsub but to no avail. You can’t seem to speak, the fire surging through your body. 

“Medic! Where’s the medic? Federal agent down!” The words fly out through Aaron’s comm system, desperation knitting his brows. Your eyelids start to feel heavy, and you start to close them.

“No. No. Stay with me, dammit. Can’t lose you,” Aaron taps the side of your face, forcing you to keep your eyes open. You just can’t though, and your exhaustion catches you, eyes finally closing.

There is so much you don’t see. You don’t see Aaron bawling over what he believes to be your almost dead body. You don’t see Derek losing it as he thinks another one of his friends is going to die on the table. You don’t see Spencer wringing his hands, or JJ staring off in the distance. You don’t see Emily picking her nails as she paces.

You don’t see Aaron cry as he holds your limp hand in the ambulance. You don’t feel him kiss your knuckles, or pat your leg. You don’t see the distraught faces of your team as they sit in the waiting room, willing you to make it out alive.

After a few agonizing hours and minimal updates from staff, a doctor finally comes out and calls your name. Your entire team surrounds the doctor.

“She lost a lot of blood, and she was touch and go for a while, but we stabilized her. She’s asking for you all.” A collective sigh of relief is emitted from the group, and they follow the doctor to your room. 

You gain a small smile as all your friends, your family, get piled into your hospital room. Your still a little drowsy, but your just glad to be alive.

“You really scared us back there, kid,” Derek says. He tries to be lighthearted, but there’s a certain heaviness to his words. 

“You guys really thought you could get rid of me that easily? Not a chance,” You try to have your tone remain light, but the varying looks of worry remain on everyone’s faces.

After a while, everyone begins to file out, allowing you to rest. All except for Aaron. He is cemented to the chair next to you, a vice grip to your hand. You wait him out, knowing there’s something going on in his head.

“I thought I lost you,” You almost didn’t hear it, the cacophony of beeps from the many machines sounding over Aaron’s faint tone.

“Oh, Aaron, I’m right here-” You squeeze his hand, “-and I’m not going anywhere,” You promise him, feeling out of place with his vulnerability.

“I was on the phone with Jack while you were in surgery. He kept asking me when I was coming home and if you were coming to visit,” His laugh is doused in sadness. Your heart pulls, and you rub your thumb back and forth over Aaron’s hand.

“God, I love that kid. Such a sweetheart,” You say, a smile showing years of memories.

“Trust me, he loves you too, sometimes I think he likes you more than he likes me,” He says, a similar smile copied onto his face.

“Oh, don’t start talking like that, Hotchner. That boy adores you. You’re his hero. He talks about you like you’re his own, personal real-life superhero. Don’t sell yourself short,” You see one tear fall down his cheek, and you use the hand Aaron had ahold of to tenderly wipe it away.

“I almost let you get killed-”

“Aaron, I made my own decision. I was stupid and careless, but this time, this time wasn’t your fault. I’m alive, and I’m here,” You try to talk him out of his corner of blame and doubt.

He backs down, allowing your answer to finally sink in. He grabs your hand again, still needing tangible proof that you’re here, you’re here and breathing. He kisses the back of your hand, holding it to his cheek. He allows his eyes to close, a wash of relief coming over him.

You watch the display, and you soften at the sight. “I love you,” Your eyes widen at your own admission, wondering if maybe he didn’t hear it and maybe you’re off the hook. 

You know you’re out of luck when his eyes open, his hold on the hand he has against your cheek loosening. You think you’ve thoroughly screwed up at that point, ready for the impending rejection.

“Took you long enough,”

Hold on.

What?!

You sputter, confusion taking over every part of your face. What’s he even talking about?

“I love you too,” That stops every thought in your head, and you look at him again, your expression softening. 

Aaron slowly leans in, as do you. You share a kiss full of compassion and need. You want to commit this feeling to memory, the way it spreads through your body like a searing fire.

Nothing like a near-death experience as a catalyst into something you only dreamed of happening.

[mysticgoblinwriter]

Driving In A Cold Sweat; There Is No One On This Highway

Warnings- Murder, infidelity, swearing, food imagery, shitty parents, i made Steve the villain who’s in the HOA and a politician, adult content, dark!reader, cheating, a bit of flirting, mental health joke (mental health is NOT a joke, y’all), religion symbolism, dark!steve, peggy x bucky,

Word Count- 1.9k

kudos to @blackberrybucky for being my soundboard, and @fandomsandxfiles for being my beta reader. Love y'all

a/n- This is inspired by Hypothermic by Goodnight Texas.  Its really dark, and I surprised myself writing this but I like it. I also changed the landscape to desert. Leave comments if you want! As many as you like, I fangirl over my work too. All writers should, its selfcare.

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FLUFFY AND SOFT TURN AWAY NOW; MINORS DNI

DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE. A REBLOG IS APPRECIATED. A REPOST IS NOT.

Bucky looks you up and down, taking you in like you are the gods own ambrosia.  “So, doll.  What brings you to this shit hole?”

You laugh to yourself.  “I murdered somebody.”- was the sentence that also inspired this but its not in the actual story.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The radio gave out miles ago.  It was emitting nothing except for crackling and static.  Every now and then it would cut back to a sermon, funnily enough it’d been the same one that was on when you started your trip.  Sunset was a little ways off.  If you looked hard enough you could see coyotes just off the asphalt.  Alive, yes.  But just how long had their souls been gone?  Someone was screaming.

A man.  You’d heard that scream before.  Seared into you memory like that steak you had for your 15th birthday. It was right next to you.  Oozing blood and raw-red.  You could hear the clink of the knife as it scraped against the plate.  Shaking your head to clear it, you notice an exit with a gas station.  “Now’s a time as good as any to stop.”  Gravel crunches as you slide up next to the pump. The neon beer lights from the bar across the road are calling.  But you can’t answer. The gas handle is slick and grimy, you’ve felt something like that before, but you can’t remember what.  A fuzzy noise in the back of your ears gets your attention.  Another truck has pulled in.  Right in the spot next to yours, never mind the dozen others that are free.  A bulky man steps down, his face hidden by a rangers hat.

You could tell he worked out though.  And had hair in need of a washing.  Clunk.  The tank was full.  You thought it best to leave before anyone could place you, but your stomach needed something other than greasy two-bit fast food.  You glance around, looking for any sign that promised a hot meal.

“Looking for something, doll?” You let out a small gasp.  He was staring straight at you now.

“Does this shithole have a place to eat?  I might have to start eating the cactus.”

He lets out a soft laugh, “Yeah, there’s a diner about half mile down the road.”

His face brightens like he just thought of something.  “You wanna meet me there?  I’ll buy dinner?”  You weigh the options.  You can’t have anybody recognize you; but your cash is getting low and however you can stretch it, you must.  You nod once.  “Sure.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The diner is every trope you’d seen in the movies your pops watched when he got off work.  Flies buzzing, neon sign flickering, checkered tile.  It even had the shiny red leather booths.  What a dream.  “Getcha a seat anywhere, honey.  I’ll be right over,” came a perky voice from the back.  Presumably a waitress. You choose the booth near the back exit.  Its always good to have a backup plan.

The man said he needed to get something at the mini-mart, that you could go ahead and he’d catch up.  Somebody screamed right next to you, causing you to jump out of your seat.  You whip your head around.  No one was even in the dining area.  It sounded so real.  Like you could reach out and grasp the shattering inky blackness.  You take a couple of deep breaths.  Try to remember your happy place.  Tahiti, its a magical place.  Or so you’ve been told  You just picked it from a magazine that was open on the coffee table the night your mother set fire to the curtains in the living room.  The flames had licked up the page, burning the island resort into ash.  Boots thudded as they made way to where you were.  He slides in across from you.

“Um, the waitress’ll be right out,” you said softly.  He barely heard it over the rickety air conditioning.  He nods to show he heard.  He’s sitting close.  Closer than you’d thought another human would ever sit next to you again.  His hands are rough and calloused.  The sleeve cuffs of his hoodie are frayed; as if someone clawed at them.  Eyes traveling up his body, you take in more details.  The hoodie isn’t faded, its brand new.  He wears a bracelet of leather on his right hand, with a charm you can’t quite see.  His necklace is corded hemp, plain and understated.

A light stubble that’s maybe three days old covers his jaw.  His eyes... are piercing right through you. You take in a quick breath, not being able to look away.  You’d never seen that shade of blue before.   He’d been watching you watching him.  Quirking an eyebrow, ”See anything ya like, doll?” You start to sputter an answer but the waitress comes over.  “Sorry about the wait.  Here’s your-”  Blue eyes interrupts her, “We don’t need those.  I’ll have the special and she’ll have the ‘Its Impossible To Go Away Hungry’ plate”  “Okay, then.  I’ll get that right out to ya folks.”

You glare at him, he mirrors it with dicky nonchalance. “Why did you order for me?”  He leans forward, tilts his head the right the tiniest fraction.  “You’re starved.  I really don’t give a damn what kept you from eating but I ain’t gonna let you go without giving you a meal.  The steak plate is the biggest meal they have.  You can take a to go box, that is if you don’t eat the whole thing.”

“Oh.”  You cast out a huff, “Well, thank you.”  He flashes a killer smile. Pearly white teeth in a straight line.  Not an imperfection to be found anywhere.  A silence falls between the two of you.  You can’t decide whether its comfortable of not.

“My name is Bucky.  I thought you wouldn’t like eating with a stranger.  I like to doodle in the margins of my books sometimes.”  “Please tell me not library books.”  He scoffs as if you suggested the impossible, “Never.  Do you think I’m crazy?”

“Jury’s out on that, Bucky.”  He looks at you more intently now.  “Really?  Same could be said about you.  When I first spoke to you it was like a deer in headlights.  Ya running from something, sugar?”  He’d said it jokingly but you didn’t laugh.

“No.  Nothing like that.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shirley came back with your plates, and two root beers.  She left the check at the end of the table and Bucky swooped it up.  The meal passed by in the comfortable sounds of silverware clinking and ice clacking in the cups.  You both ate in record time.

You were careful to save enough for a second meal. That went into the to go container.  Now both cups were drained and plates scraped clean.  You start to slide out of your seat, mumbling a thanks but Bucky stops you.  “Wait, won’t you sit here a while longer?  I’d be kinda sad sitting here alone.”  After a moments hesitation, you resume your position.  “What do you wanna talk about?  It can’t be the weather.  Its been dry as bones for weeks.”   He ponders for a moment, “You.”  He shifts a little, resting one ankle on the opposite knee.

“I want to know what you’re running from, and see if I can offer...a distraction.”  That shocks you.  “Life?  Aren’t we all running away in some form or another?  I just happened to take the mobile route.”  You shrug, “What do you want me to say?  It was all shitty so I left it behind.  And as for the distraction part, I got a whore last night, so don’t bother.”  He is silent.  Just sits there and gazes at you.  You cock your head, getting impatient.  “Am I allowed to leave now?  Or do you want to talk about our feelings?”

“I slept with my best friends wife.”

“I-I’m sorry you what??”

“I slept with my best friends wife.  He owns half the town, what with him being mayor and all.  I couldn’t take it anymore, he’s always been the golden boy.  Always been the beacon of light.  I just wanted a slice of what he had.”  He looks up, his eyes are dead.  “She was willing, and I just... took her.  There on his desk.  He’d been out for lunch with some bigwig, and I made her cum twice on my cock.”  He chuckles darkly.  “That’d been the first time.  All the other times don’t matter, he doesn’t know about those.  But he does know about the time in the craft shed.  Peggy did pottery.

Had a nice little workshop, it was connected to the mansion they had.  I wanted to bring her pleasure in the place where she gets frustrated often, so she’d have something else to think about.  Steve caught us on the floor.  A big bunch of daffodils in hand.  Stupid, those weren’t even her favorites.”  He was gone now, lost in memories, not even knowing he was talking.  “Said he had come by to take her to lunch.  That was always like Steve.  Expected her to clear her schedule at the drop of a hat but never doing the same for anybody. He didn’t even get mad.  He just walked away, muttering something about his office.

Peggy said she could talk some sense into him.  The next day I found her in the garbage when I took out my trash.”  Your sharp inhale and big eyes do nothing to catch his attention.  “Steve comes strolling out of nowhere, said that she was a threat to his image.  Said that I need to leave or face the same.  I asked why he left me alive and he said ‘So you can remember the pain until you lay down in the ground and the mice and carrion drag your body up from its silk cocoon to feast.”

But that’s not all.”  He said the last bit so quietly, it was as if he said nothing.

“What?”  He’s crying now, tears are forming rivers in his eyes.  “She knew.  She knew  he was going to be there and that’s how she wanted to go out.”  Your puzzled expression makes him laugh.  “Don’t know many politicians, do you?  Good.  Keep it that way.  That day when the mail came I got a letter.  From her.  It said how she wanted to divorce Steve ever since he became the HOA president.  But she couldn’t.  He had threatened her once, just once and what he said was so blisteringly awful.  And he did it.  He is a man of his word, after all.  He kept his damn word.”

“So...she used you as an out?”  He winces.  You hadn’t meant to sound like that.

“Yes.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Out in the diners parking lot you say goodbye to James.  Wait.  No, no.  His name is Bucky.  He’s got a green  Chevy and blue eyes.  Or was it red?  It doesn’t matter anyway.  You back out and head for the next state, ignoring the blood leaking from the tarp in your trunk.  The screams have stopped.  And the moon is bright.

[nanakah]

about Ishigami, his growth and Miko's role

most people, myself included, thought at some point that Tsubame's rejection (or acceptance) could wrap up Ishigami's arc and even his past's flashbacks neatly, but Osaragi's arc suddenly revealing there was more to his relationship with Miko made me reflect more and think nah...if anything we're halfway there. It also showed glimpses of him already struggling to find his place in the world by quitting his clubs, even though he was successful at them and there was no Ootomo incident yet to undermine his self-image.

It seemed odd that despite everything he went through he still has his "hair=shield/averting eyes" theme going strong, but it makes sense if you consider even though Tsubame helped him see the way to be more accepting of people and cleared his name, his self-esteem still is super low. I spoke of this in my "sutera" meta, but to Ishigami, his life still has been a sucession of failures and almosts. At his core, he still hasn't fully opened up to people or learned to use his vulnerabilities to his advantage.

If I have grabbed your interest thus far, keep reading for more considerations!

Tsubame is kind to anyone and attempted to do good for him, but ultimately he was never fully himself around her, nor she tried/he alllowed her reaching out to the deepest parts of his insecurities. She doesn't show her own flaws to him either and to this day we get the feeling we don't know her well, just the best parts that Ishigami wanted to see. Kaguya, Miyuki and Chika contribute a lot in a sibling-like way, but there's a limit to how much Kaguya in particular can inspire him. Miko however, has scratched a little beneath the surface and has expressed an interest in helping him with that, even if he himself is still avoiding the topic. She's also more relatable to him in the sense that the rest of the stuco has a history of successes in their lives, while he was able to watch Miko's hardships and failures closely. Their panic attacks even look similar and they're always watching the other to provide backup (in a very roundabout way, at least before) when they happen.

While their personalities are fundamentally different, his arc and struggles remind me a lot of Miyamura from Horimiya and today, as I was musing on what is so different about them as of now, I believe it's how Miyamura didn't have a single *traumatic* mistake to get over, so he goes down his development road much faster. Putting it another way, it's ultimately that Ishigami hasn't yet learned to be kind to himself like Miyamura has through Hori. Like Shirogane and Kaguya are through themselves. In Miyamura's case, sympathizing with how Hori despite her strong exterior can be very fragile inside but still support him (fight for him, defend him, accept his true self, not judge him, hear him, make him feel good enough) made him feel compelled to grow stronger to protect her back.

Miko as she was at the beggining of the story couldn't provide Ishigami this sort of stability (and that's where Osaragi's "prettier story"/"you weren't there for him" reasoning fails) even if deep down she wanted to, but now after making many mistakes, learning from them and becoming more flexible, she absolutely can. Both Ishigami and Miko have deeply rooted issues that took them more than just each other to flesh out and develop, but they're very much the missing puzzle piece the other needs.

Miko still very much has room for growth as well, mainly concerning finding a middle ground between her "bad girl" and "good girl" personas that Ishigami can easily see through, as demonstrated by the consolation chapter. She tried being "bad", she attempted lying but was still saying half-truths, because her love of justice isn't just out of parental abandonment issues or loneliness - she does believe them sincerely. The moment Ishigami headpated her and shared genuine, spot-on words of concern and admiration (thus a hint of fondness), it was all over for her trying to keep up the love-warfare upper hand.

That's not actually new - Ishigami has always demonstrated he was able to see glimpses of her true self, be it teasing how she's an otaku or a closet pervert and such, he never fully bought the strait-laced image she aspired to make real. But it did take him being around her more to see she could be sweet to him and as he puts it, that smiling more is not a bad look on her. Miko says to Osaragi your true self only comes through interacting with others, so given how lonely she has always been (and how the one person close to her - Osaragi - was actually keeping things between them superficial because of her own problems), it's no surprise she's only finding out now who she is. Ishigami can help Miko find a better compromise of good/bad after both not following any rules at all for so long and recently learning that hard work can pay off. Miko immersing herself in his hobby will clash with her rigid study schedule sooner or later, and he'll know how to help her with that better than anyone else.

On the other hand, Ishigami's moral compass, romanticism (love for flowers, planing dates etc) and idealism aren't things he is proud of...yet. He protects himself with layers of cynism, especially in his first appearances, but he is always being contradictory and letting it slip how idealistic/pure he is at heart. He also is only now learning to like his outward image with things like fitness/studying and finding out it's not like he never cared about it - it's just that he was scared shitless of failure, thus never even tried hard in the first place to avoid being hurt. And as I have advocated for in the Sutera post, I expect Miko in some level to help him come to terms with seeing good in himself. Heck, even being able to game with her now and showing off how good he is and having her appreciate it is gonna do wonders to make him feel more "adequate". Tsubame's arc had a lot of him changing himself to become "better", but Miko on the other hand is trying to put herself in HIS shoes to maybe go "hey, I like you as you are. I'm trying to understand you more and put effort in for you".

Ishigami and Miko start out watching out for each other behind their backs - which instead of helping their relationship, drives them further apart because they think the other side is showing no appreciation. As the story progresses, they're slowly learning to make each other more aware of their support, and it is making them open up more in general.

They have a strong belief the other wants to be rescued and there is truth in that. Both want help and to be recognized for their efforts, but won't cry out for it. In the unplugged earbuds chapter Ishigami takes it upon himself to protect Miko's reputation in spite of himself, the election arc has him actually putting effort into the campaign just for the sake of protecting her and at first posing as a rival of hers to Shirogane only to reveal he's trying to "make Miko smile", he is constantly fending off men from interacting with her as protection (while also sounding jealous), he was way more protective of her when she was wearing that cast than needed and is now being able to openly headpat her and sounds almost like her "soothing sounds" from the days of yore lol Sure Tsubame seems like his start to becoming "a better man", but all the way back on the election, it was for Miko's sake that we first SEE him putting effort into *anything* without being coerced by anyone to take action.

And while it's more discreet compared to Ishigami's "white knight" attitude, Miko also tries hard to protect him - cheering him on during the sports festival race and wanting to console him before the stuco intervened, telling him he should study (but he thinks it's just nagging), christmas (which I'll elaborate bellow), making sure he was able to graduate middle school by actually confronting school staff and, of course, their very first meeting as recently revealed.

Many people hated the entirety of Osaragi's arc, but 232 gave very juicy info indeed. Ishigami's reason for supporting Miko from the shadows comes from admiration AND part gratitude for her attempting to talk to him and listen to what troubles him, and seeing they actually had a "falling out" argument was game changing.

He looks sad and troubled to have shut her down there, not simply angry, and so does she (there's tears in her eyes when her face is shown in the next page) - despite her black and white sense of justice at this point of the story, she still wanted to listen to him. And even after that outburst she still believed the rumors weren't real, unlike Osaragi sees it - otherwise she wouldn't have made the effort for him to be able to move on to high school. Why would she care, if she truly hated him and thought he was in the wrong?

If any further proof was needed at all that this info is important, I'm happy to say we have more. I noticed the Christmas stairs scene mirrors this exact falling out moment: "Go away"/"Suit yourself"

But this time Miko had already decided to change, had already seen the mess their relationship became the last time she did not reach out to him and thus already had their previous falling out in mind - meaning she decides to chase after him.

I don't like how the scanlations handled this scene because reading the japanese raws, my interpretation was that Miko was sounding "annoying" because she was still kinda drunk/unfiltered and freaking out when talking to Ishigami, not outright berating him like the Jaimini's box translation made it look like. She also sounds too angry after the fall, so I generally thought Viz's version (the panel shown above) was closer to the original.

"I always have to take care of you! You keep putting youself in danger. You can't make it on your own." is a better translation than Jaimini's, and also parallels better what Ishigami is often telling Miko as well (That she keeps putting herself in danger and that he has to be around to keep her in check). But with 232 in mind, I think it misses a nuance of the original line: "ほんとあんたは 私が居ないと危なっかしく駄目ね" - "Honto anta wa watashi ga inaito abunakkashiku dame ne" - while I'm a novice at japanese studies, gathering from what I can read and trying to get a feel of the whole sentence, it's closer to "So it really is dangerous to you if I'm not there/ It's no good if I'm not around you". You can take that as her being full of herself, which is the route Jaimini's goes ("You'd be screwed without me") but that's too hostile - Viz's got the spirit of wanting to protect him better, but the original has an implication that she has "tested not being there"/failed being there before (due to not fully siding with him in middle school) that's absent elsewhere.

IMO the reason Ishigami's "closed his eyes" arc is not over yet is because he hasn't accepted or gotten over or fully learned from his past yet, he simply shut it down. That's why briefly during the sports festival his eyes are in plain view, then go back to their usual for the balloon gag. I'm not sure if Ootomo herself will make a comeback, may or may not - regrets are regrets and sometimes the only solution to them is letting them stay in the past. But the topic of how he saw Miko in middle school and the letter certainly are being set up to still show up in the story.

If I compare him to Miyamura again, he'd still be at the point before Miyamura's haircut - not wanting to face the parts of himself he doesn't like, not quite ready to change. Not quite ready to patch up his own wounds yet and instead silencing everything from his past.

In this sense, Miko does wonders to make him feel more confident even if he hasn't realized it yet, and she's always dropping little hints she'd like him to worry about his future not in a naggy way, but because she genuinely prays for his success. He unconsciously wants Miko to think well of him and it fills him with confidence and a more prideful image of himself he doesn't really display to anyone else, not even Tsubame - like his usages of "ore" (a more manly/confident way of addressing himself) around her (AND HER ALONE):

( I don't like the available translations to the staircase scene either, lol. Zaibatsu has conveyed the tone of the second scene up there perfectly. For the staircase line, I've seen "I'll be there to catch you" and "I'll save you" which are contextually correct, but to me the original "俺が絶対守る" - "I (ore) will absolutely protect you" carries a much more romantic nuance or ambiguity, regardless of him realizing it at that point. It's like, the title to one of the most romantic moments/songs in the CCS Clear card anime ost, for instance. OF COURSE MIKO LOVES HIM. The narrator doesn't overexplain or take apart Ishimiko's interactions like for Prezguya, but all the evidence needed is there. And I gotta add the very next chapter to the staircase one is the "eternal love" x "real love" I'm super fond of that says fate is irrelevant and to find real love you must use your head to realize/understand things, so makes the romantic subtext even greater.)

This whole affair is also making me open my eyes that I should try to study japanese more...of course I'm happy to have translations and scanlators working hard, but there is something inherently lost in adaptations because it robs you of connecting with the author's intentions unless it was the author who wrote the translation in the first place

Thinking back on Ishigami's early "i wanna die/i'm going home/don't look at me" role, it seems unbelievable we're at the point he's now able to directly confront a "stranger" (lololol) or make serious promises with so much confidence.

PLEASE DON'T END SO SOON MANGA, I NEED MORE.

( off-topic kind of, but i'm lazy to make a separate post just for it: Since I mentioned things lost in translation, I saw something on Discord about Ishigami having an unreliable narrator moment in the "compliments" chapter/Iino Miko cannot love part 4 and holy molly, it is true. He first says something akin to "You're just too beautiful" out of context, Miko HEARS IT - and that's why she looks so shocked before asking for clarification - and he DID SAY IT in the speech bubble, but after she's nice to him and he thinks back to what he said he adds a "Your handwriting is just too beautiful" to his flashback. I'm ONTO HIM. ONTO HIM I SAY. It is what he meant, but it's like his mouth betrayed him. Whether it's unconscious or denial...it totally is something. The scanlation completely skips this and had the same line both times it's mentioned.)

[shadowfae]

We’re all pretty aware that the tumblr otherkin community is at a huge decline; I was wondering if you have any theories as to why that is?

American Protestantism, the decline of queer oppression in North America and the AIDS crisis, helicopter parenting, web 3.0, morality politics, and  Tumblr’s porn ban; roughly in that order and rolled up into one bombshell that was a few years in the coming but nobody really saw it and understood it until it was far too late.

That was a mouthful and probably only made sense if you follow current cyberpolitical theory. For some of you reading this, as with every other hot take I have this has a chance of being passed around, that alone is enough. But for others who had no idea what I just said and need the ELI5 version, let me explain that. Buckle up, this’ll be a long one, and will go into fandom history a bit as well because it is actually relevant.

As we know, tumblr is a very American-centric platform. Twitter is also this way, but less so, but tumblr has it bad. Now, I’m ‘lucky’ in the fact that I’m Canadian and a twenty minute drive from the American border, so that puts me in the ‘privileged’ majority. (I say privileged because I’m not really sure what else to call it. Most of the information going around about politics either directly affects me or indirectly affects me approximately one or two links of contact away. Someone who’s only influenced by American politics because it makes their sister’s online friends sad is not going to be privileged in that way.)

This means that American politics and their social climate overwhelmingly affects tumblr’s social climate. This also bleeds through into other fandom spaces, on twitter, instagram, and Pixiv to name a few places; but here’s where I spend the majority of my time so here’s what I’ve witnessed.

America’s main religion, as far as I understand (from the raised agnostic and currently neopagan view I have), is some weirdass capitalistic-Protestantism that is so many miles from what the actual Bible says that if I were a betting man and knew more about cults than I did, I’d say it’s some weird fucking cult and never set foot in the country again for any reason that isn’t gaming free shipping through a PO box. If you have no idea what I just said but are at least vaguely familiar with Christianity, this graphic explains it pretty well. So we can see there’s some glaring issues with that ideal.

The decline of queer oppression and the rise of queer rights in North America, which is to tenderly include my own country but we all know when people say ‘in NA’ they mean ‘America, and Canada where it applies because the right-wing Republicans are really good in the propaganda department to convince everyone that Mexico is a drug-lords-and-anarchy wasteland to the point where even I don’t actually know what’s down there other than bad drivers and heat’; means two things. One, it’s a good thing by a long shot and do not mistake this as me thinking queer oppression being lessened is a bad thing. But two, it means that thanks to the AIDS crisis, queer folks lost a lot of first-person sources as history.

The queer elders in NA who survived are typically either a) bitter anarchists who are often POC, probably still dirt poor and do recreational drugs or b) university-tenured TERFs (trans exclusionary radical feminists). Category A are the people who Republicans have deemed worthless in every way, because racism, queerphobia, ableism, and all the other ways to be wrong and different and Evil that they can’t handle, because Jeezus would never want them to actually learn to love someone who wasn’t just like them, and they don’t have the compassion to do better. Category B are the people who want to be different in just a teensie little bit, typically with TERFs they want to be lesbians, but they don’t want to challenge the status quo. They’re fine with the way things work, they just want to be on top oppressing others over ripping the whole damn thing down and building a more forgiving system.

Now, due to all those ‘isms and the cheerfully malicious aid of the Republicans, pun not intended but drives home the cruelty of it all, we also see the rise of helicopter parenting. The invention of the internet did not really help this. Basically what you’ve got is a whole bunch of parents who saw the civil rights movement, just got access to the internet and things going viral, know the world is changing, and like all parents, they’re scared for their children. Now instead of parents knowing one or two people in their classes who just went missing one day and everyone assumed they ran away, they hear about eight homicides in the city of kids going to parks at night and dying. The Satanic Panic was another event around this time that contributed to that, but I’ll let you research that one.

This means that all of these parents, instead of doing what their parents typically did and let their kids wander off for the day so long as they’re back by sundown, they can’t let their children out of their sight. There might be a freak accident where their child is decapitated on the playground swing! Their baby might get murdered by an evil Satanist walking home from school! Their dearest darling might go online and tell their address to someone who’s got a 100% chance of being a pedophile who will show up and kidnap them in the night!

…You get the idea. 

Combine those three things I just established, what we’ve got is a lot of queer kids who have a lot of internalized shame for being different and wrong, because they’re queer, and they can’t find spaces offline to be themselves, because all of the elders who would do that are dead and/or inaccessible and their parents won’t let them go to any clubs that aren’t school-related, which they’ll never find a GSA or queer club because Republicans, ‘isms, propaganda, and the war on Category A queer adults have all done their best to ensure that those spaces don’t exist.

So you have a generation of kids who I am the youngest of. The first generation on the internet. The late Web 1.0 (usenets and Geocities) and early Web 2.0 (livejournal was the big one, ff.net too, also 4chan but fuck those guys) generation. What we were taught was: trust nobody on the internet with your real info no matter how much you like them, this is a wilderness and any crimes that happen won’t be punished or seen so don’t put yourself in a position where you’re going to be the victim of one, and everything you put online is never getting taken down so don’t put anything up that you’re not willing to have on the front page of your local newspaper.

This worked out pretty well, actually! You had kids who knew that if they got in trouble, there was no backup coming to save them. Because the form that backup might take - parents and police - wasn’t going to help. Best case, they’d be banned from their friends and online support groups for being queer. Worst case, they’d be jailed and put in juvie and conversion therapy and turn to drugs and become evil Satanists just like everyone says they secretly are already. So they learned very quickly to take care of themselves. Nobody was going to save them, so they learned to not need saving.

And then, well, Web 2.0 shifted to Web 3.0. Livejournal died because parents - the Warriors for Innocence was the big name - went “gasp how horrible my children are being exposed to the evil pedos and homosexuals they’re going to do drugs and die of AIDS!”. Which is uh. It’s filled with a lot of bigotry, and I’m not excusing them - absolutely I am not - but you can kind of see where they’re coming from, if you tilt your head and squint.

Either way, LJ died, tumblr took its place, Facebook was fast taking off, and the fandom folks who had seen mailing lists go inactive, web admins take their fanfic sites down due to copyright, entire fandoms burnt to the ground in flame wars, said ‘fuck that we’re making our own place’ and that’s how AO3 got made.

That’s important. A lot of folks move to AO3, because well, the rules let them. The rules say ‘you can throw literally anything up here so long as it’s fan content and is not literally illegal, so we don’t get taken down’. It’s a swing for the first generation internet users, those kids who know this place is a wilderness and are carving out our own sanctuary.

But. The children under us. The children for whom AIDS is a nightmarish fairy tale, for whom the ghost stories are conversion therapy, for whom know they can’t really talk to their parents about being queer but can trust they probably won’t get kicked out over it. The children who haven’t spent ten seconds without supervision except online, and their reaction isn’t ‘oh thank god I’m finally free to express myself’ but ‘if I get in trouble, who will protect me?’.

And there’s nobody there. Because we went in knowing there was no backup. And that was fine. But now, the actual adults have figured out that hey uh, maybe we should make cyber laws? Maybe we should make revenge porn and grooming children over the internet crimes? And they grew up with that. They grew up learning that no, even if your parents are suffocating and controlling, they’re always be there for you! Some adult will always be there to protect you!

That isn’t the case. It’s not. But they expect it, because it’s always been done for them. They don’t really want to change the status quo, because that means doing it themselves. They can’t do that, because they don’t know how, they’ve been controlled for every single part of their lives thanks to helicopter parenting and without that control, they don’t know how to keep their lives together, and they demand someone come and control it for them, without restraining them.

Effectively, they want someone to ensure they never face the consequences of their actions. Helicopter parents will rescue you from whatever you did, because you’re their precious baby and it doesn’t matter if you punched a kid, you can do no wrong and the other kid clearly started it.

But being queer is doing wrong. Being queer is something Jeezus doesn’t approve of. So they want to make it something he could approve of! But if it’s too off what they consider to be okay, if it’s too different and weird and wrong and evil, that can’t do, that’s still bad, and they’re precious angels, and children, and minors, why are we the adults not protecting them and letting them see it? Why aren’t we being just like their parents  but queer-friendly, why aren’t we protecting the children?

The adults who taught us were the children of those who died as a result of AIDS. The eldest of my generation knew some of them personally. My therapist’s younger brother died at 20 of AIDS, and she told me what it was like. But they don’t have that. These kids of web 3.0, they don’t have that. What they have is over-controlling parents, and the expectation that someone will always be there to protect them but hopefully in ways that don’t hurt them this time, no real understanding of why Category A queer elders are the way they are, and so much internalized shame that they have to do some pretty fancy logic-leaping to keep them from collapsing entirely.

They can’t turn into Category A queer youngsters, because they don’t know how to unravel the system around them, because they’ve never had to actually make choices in their lives and live with the consequences, because they don’t have the example of how to do it. They can’t unravel their internalized shame because again, that’s hard and they don’t have their parents to take away the consequences and pain. It doesn’t come easy to them, so it may as well not come at all.

But, you ask, if Category A queer elders aren’t around to teach the kids, then how are they learning anything positive at all? Well, Category B, our university-tenured TERFs, who don’t want to change the status quo but want to just be at the top of it instead.

For a lot of kids who don’t know how to make hard choices but want to be queer, this is an extremely attractive option. But when they go online to queer spaces, a lot of them say fuck terfs, we don’t support your hate, and they go ‘yeah okay that makes sense’. They can say fuck terfs without ever actually questioning why terfs are bad. They’re Bad and Evil, just like drug addicts, just like fairytale nazis, just like the evil homophobes.

And we saw them say ‘yeah fuck terfs’ and we were like, ‘aight you got it’ and we never questioned if they actually understood us. They didn’t. They didn’t, and we didn’t do enough to fix it, because not enough of us realized the problem. So terfs got a little sneaky. They hid behind dogwhistles and easy little comments, hiding their rhetoric in queer theory that you’ll absolutely miss if you just memorize it and never actually question it and understand why that point is being made.

This goes back to America sucking, because their school system is far more focused on rote memorization over actual logic and understanding of the text. They’re engaging with queer theory the way they’ve been taught, which is memorize and don’t think, don’t question. Besides, questioning and understanding is hard. Being shown different points of view and asked what they think is not only hard but requires them to go against all of the conditioning that says to just listen and agree and never question it, which goes back to tearing the system and internalized shame down, and we’ve established they can’t do that so naturally they don’t do that.

This begets, then, the rise of exclusionary politics. They’re turning into Category B queer youngsters, because we told them ‘hey that’s a terf talking point what are you doing’ and they never questioned why. They learned you can do all sorts of things, just don’t say X, Y, or Z, because they never thought deeply about it.

The children who have grown on Web 3.0 do not want to do any heavy lifting to make things easier for themselves long-run. They want to do as little as possible and have things get better for them. There isn’t enough of us left in Category A, because Category B terfs are very good at recruiting young folks and Cat. A is overwhelming poor, dead, and easily dismissed in the system as evil and bad, so we can’t exactly convince the young folks to listen. If all of the young kids could agree to tear down the system, a lot more older folks might listen. Change always starts with the young, and there’s a reason for that.

But Republicans have figured out, if you get people fighting, they never put together a force that can actually stop you. TERFs, who want the exact same thing as Republicans but with themselves on top, are doing this to queer youth, and Cat. A elders can’t fight back because there isn’t enough of them and the odds are against them, and the young folk like me who follow their lead.

People can kinda handle gay people. It’s not so far from the acceptable normal that it’s impassable. But you want them to handle kinky people? Gay people of colour? Kinky gay people of colour? Trans people? Those are bridges too far to step across. The original idea was to get the foot in the door with marriage equality and inch our way through with racial equality, sex positivity, dismantling ableism and perisexism (forgive me if that isn’t the word for anti-intersex ‘ism), and see if we can’t patch up the system instead of inciting a civil war over this and have to tear down the system entirely.

Well, we might’ve managed that if not for AIDS being the perfect ‘Jeezus is killing all the evil gay people for being sinners’ propaganda machine. As it stands now, not a chance in hell. So long as Republicans and terfs keep everyone fighting, nobody has the power to dismantle their empire, and they stay in power.

So then, you ask me, “Lu what the fuck does that have to do with the decline of otherkinity on tumblr???” and now that you’ve got all that background knowledge, here is your answer.

Those children who want their experiences curated for them and the evil icky content they don’t like to be gone because it disgusts them and anything that disgusts them is clearly sinful problematic and should be destroyed, are what we call ‘antishippers’, or anti for short.

They like being progressive. Sort of. They learned what Republicans and terfs have honed to a fine talent: keep people fighting, hold them to a bar they have to constantly make or risk being ostracized, and harass the people who don’t play along into getting out of your sight forever. Sound familiar?

They learned of otherkinity, and particularly fictionkind, because web 3.0 means if something goes viral on one site, it doesn’t just go viral on that site, it makes it to worldwide newspapers and twitter and nobody ever, ever fucking forgets it. They realized the following: “Hey wait, if I’m this character for realsies, not only does it help me deal with the internalized shame I’ve done nothing to actually fix because that takes work, I can also tell these people who draw gross content I don’t like they’re hurting me personally, and that actually sounds credible, and I can shame them into stopping”.

If this is your first time here and that sounds sickening, it damn well should, and I am so, so sorry that any of us had to witness this, and I am more sorry I and everyone else who personally witnessed this didn’t realize what was going on and put a stop to it. I answer asks and browse the tags and clear up misinformation and it isn’t just a genuine desire to help. It’s damage control, and my own way of trying to deal with the guilt of not stopping this. I’m well aware I couldn’t have seen it coming, I was a teenager myself still learning and no one person has that much power. I still feel like I should have done more, and I’ll do what I can to fix what’s within my power to fix.

So back to the story. This all culminates around 2016 or so. Trump wins the election, and every queer person ever knows they’re fucked, and the younger generation’s only ever heard horror stories, never seen actual oppression that this could bring. We’re all scared. We all don’t know what to do. Nobody has any answers or any control over the situation.

So they lash out. They attack others for drawing things they don’t like, for challenging them in literally any way, for asking them to reconsider the vile shit they just said, for so much as defending themselves from the harassment they just got. And when challenged, they yell “But I’m a minor! A literal child! How dare you attack me, clearly you get off on this, you evil pedophile!” and they sling around every insult in the book until one sticks. Pedophile is a pretty good one, so is abuser, and sometimes zoophile works out too. Freak is great, everyone gets right pissed off about it.

The fact that Category A queer elders were called pedophiles and freaks is not a fact they know or care about. The fact that they are quickly making every fandom community super toxic is also not a fact they care about. The fact that the ‘kin community has words and terminology and they actually mean shit, and the fact that they’re spreading misinformation faster than we can keep up with, are not facts they care about.

So they come in, take our terms, make it impossible for us to find new folks. They realize our anger is easily a power trip, because we’re already made fun of, so they get off on the little power they can find and make fun of us too, and then when we get rightfully annoyed and pissed off, they can hide behind being minors.

Then tumblr implements their porn ban, because nobody’s stopping them, because it isn’t profitable to have porn on here. Considering most of the otherkin community, and most fandom communities, are full of adults who do occasionally talk about NSFW things, and the fact that they’re just banning everyone who so much as breathes wrong, this begins the start of a mass exodus, scattering already fragile communities to twitter, pillowfort, dreamwidth, and a few other places. Largely, twitter, where you can’t make a post longer than a snappy comeback and where the algorithm is literally designed to piss you off as much as possible.

So community elders have largely left, because they can’t stand the drama and the pain of what’s happened, and that’s if they didn’t get banned for being kinky furries who do talk about how their kintypes merge with their sexuality. Most community members have also left or stopped talking about being ‘kin, because they get associated with antishippers and toxicity and it’s just not worth it. Those of us who are left get drowned out by misinformation and trolls and wishkin and antishippers who appropriate our terminology because it supports them getting a power trip, and whenever we argue, we get called pedophiles and freaks and worse.

And now there isn’t much left. I hope we get to find a better place. Othercon was a good place to talk about it, I did a whole panel (it’s on Youtube!) about what we want to do about it. But I don’t really have any answers. 

But to sum it all up... America’s political climate ultimately culminated in destroying queer spaces, and we survived, and then people who wanted to destroy smaller communities to get on top showed up and we were all but defenseless against something we had never, ever dealt with before on this scale.

One of my twitter mutuals mentioned how kinning and otherkin are now completely separate communities. It’s really the best I can do to keep hoping that continues, until nobody realizes the words are at all connected to each other. It’s the best anyone can hope for, now. I hate it. I hate every part of this. But maybe we can salvage what’s left.

[andilovetowrite]

Silent Cries and Comforting Words

Draco Malfoy x Reader, Ex-Harry x Reader

Summary: You never thought that Draco would be correct. That when he said that Harry was cheating on you, that he was right. And now, you can’t be gladder you have a best friend like Draco.

Using the prompt: “Wh-why would he?” and “I’m going to kill him, Golden Boy or not”

Warnings: Nothing terrible, a couple of swear words (From Draco and Cedric), Tears, and angst, but eventually ends in fluff. Plus, it’s my first Harry Potter fanfiction, so I hope I got the character’s essence.

I listened to Arcade by Duncan Laurence while writing this one.

Posted: May 21, 2021

Word Count: 2.2k

Here is my Masterlist in case you want to read some more work of mine. Also, my requests are open :)

“He what?” Draco yelled out, his face lighting up. Infront of him stood a brown haired Hufflepuff. Cedric nodded, his face contorted into an unusual grimace. Draco shook his head, trying to figure it out.

“Saw him by the bleachers, the rat. Had his arm around the Ravenclaw girl, Che or something.” Draco could feel himself getting madder every second, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel sympathetic for you.

“How will we tell her?” Draco asked, running his hands through his hair. Cedric looked confused, spluttering,

“Just say something like, your boyfriend who you thought loved you is cheating on you Y/N! Go break up with him; he isn’t good for you….”

Draco muttered something incoherent, pissed off. “I-I can’t say that, Cedric. Do you know how many times I’ve told her to dump that piece of trash? You know what it ends in?”

“Fights?”

“Yes. I can’t ask her again. Sh-she won’t believe me. Maybe you can tell her?”

“Nope, can’t do that. As it is, I’m the big brother, but now I’m trying to tell her to break up with the guy she loves?” Cedric said, taking notice of how Draco’s face tensed up at the love part. “But I’m sure you could do it. I’ll talk to Harry and try him to come clean, and you can talk to Y/N. Okay?”

Draco rolled his eyes, nodding. “Yeah yeah, meet me by the Slytherin towers, and be there as backup if Y/N doesn’t believe me.”

Agreeing, they both split up, anger almost bubbling over for the Boy Who Now Might Not Live...

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“Hey Y/N”, Draco called out, running to you. Turning around to see him, you smiled, giving him a hug.

“What’s up Dray?”

He looked down concern swimming in his eyes, making you worried. “I’ve tried to tell you so many times, and none of them works, so I’m just going to rip the bandaid off, I guess…”

You started to worry now, making you look around. Catching your eye on Harry, who was walking away into a dark corner, you saw that Draco noticed it as well. But he didn’t say anything, instead of grabbing your hand.

“Come with me Y/N” Walking with him, you stumbled at how fast he was walking, but eventually found yourself near the Hufflepuff towers, right next to the dungeons.

“So what happened?”

“Um-so...Harry is cheating on you.” He said this in a rush, hoping you understood, but you just looked away, scoffing.

“Seriously? This again? I was worried Draco!”

“You have to believe me Y/N! Why would I lie to you?”

“Because you hate Harry!”

He sighed, peering at you sadly. “Well, because Harry is cheating on you when you are way too good for him!”

“No, no I’m not Draco. Stop this crap about him cheating on me. He would never do that. Now let me go.” Pulling away from him, you saw your brother walk out of the dorms, glancing at Draco, who shook his head.

“Y/N, whatever Draco said was true. I saw him and-”

“You too Ced?! Stop it, stop trying to ruin this for me?”

Fuming, you pushed past both of them, which made Cedric run infront of you, hoping to lock the door, but you didn’t even stop. Draco tried to walk after you as well, but he stopped, staring at Cedric.

Draco’s attention was diverted by Cedric, whose eyes were wide open. Violently crossing his arms, he tried to make you stop. “Harry and Cho!” he mouthed, pointing forward.

You were too angry, too frustrated by Draco’s accusations. It was the first time someone had liked you, and it was the first time you had gotten over Draco in a long time. But now, with him trying to tell you right from wrong and how Harry was wrong for him, you couldn’t help but feel that he might be hinting at something. Pushing that from your mind, you started moving back to your dorm, wanting to get away from him for the moment. You could see Cedric running towards you, but you ignored him and kept walking, turning the corner.

And boy, oh boy, was that a mistake.

“Y/N, no!” Draco yelled out, but it was too late.

“Wha-Harry?” you whispered, not believing the scene in front of you. Harry’s robes were on the floor, his arm’s bare and his shirt half-open. Around his neck, hickies were littered here and there.

“Y/N, it’s not what it looks like-”

“Uh-Cho?” you muttered out, looking behind Harry at his lover. She was completely stripped of her clothes except for her underwear and bra. Her robe was haphazardly thrown around her, which she clutched tighter when she saw you.

“I’m so sorr-”

“You-you were my friend. I-I talked to you about Harry...all while you were fucking him behind my back?!”

“I’m sorry-”

“How long has this been going on?” you asked, relieved that your voice was steady. They didn’t answer, which made you move closer towards them, wand out. “I’m going to ask again, Harry. How long have you been seeing her behind my back?”

After a few minutes of both of them trying to look everywhere but at you, Draco stepped up, his eyes glaring so hard that they both should’ve melted. “Answer her, Potter. Tell her how long you have been cheating on her”

This time, Harry answered, so quietly, you took a few seconds to figure out what he said. “About a year….”

“What?!”

“Y/N, it’s not-”

“Don’t give me that crap about it’s not you, it’s me. It’s not some stupid mistake, Harry! If it were, you would’ve stopped and come clean to me a long time ago.” By this time, your voice was shaking, and you were sure that if they both didn’t leave, you would break down.

Looking at Cho, you felt nothing but hatred for the despicable, lousy girl. “And you, don’t ever come near me again. Both of you stay away.”

She didn’t reply, her eyes filling with tears as she looked down. Sniffling, she backed away from Harry, grabbing her clothes as more and more sobs came out from her mouth. You saw Harry look at Cho and turn back at you, and for a second, you thought that he would leave her. Say it was a dumb mistake. But your hopes were crushed when he just quickly glanced at you, not one bit of emotion in his eyes. Turning to Cho, he gathered her in his arms, whispering to her softly.

You scoffed, tears gathering in your eyes. You were his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Who just found out she had been cheated on. And he was trying to comfort his booty call? You could hear Draco growl behind you at the sight of Harry and start to move towards him, but you held your arm back, stopping him.

You silently watched, numb, as Cho pathetically cried into Harry’s chest and then raised her head. “Harry, I need to go” Raising her head, she made eye contact with you, her face contorting into pain. “Will you come with me?”

And you knew that who he went with result in losing the other. Even though you knew in your heart you knew that taking him back would be wrong. You, still wished he would run to you.

All you got was one last look and a silent sorry before Harry and Cho disappeared into the halls, the darkness encompassing them. As soon as they left your vision, you fell to your knees, feeling the stone ground dig into your leg.

Draco dropped with you, hugging you tightly, as he swayed you back and forth gently, whispering words into your ear. You vaguely remember Cedric coming, but he left just as quick, muttering threats under his breath about Harry. At some point, you were cried out, and it was only dry hiccups and heavy breathing. But that was the last thing you remember as you fell asleep in Draco’s arms, providing warmth and comfort against the cool air of the tower…

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“Hey love, you alright?”, Draco whispered against your back. Opening your eyes to adjust to the brightness of the sunlight, you took a deep breath, sighing. Stretching your legs, you felt Draco hold you closer as if he didn’t want to let go...and you didn’t want him to let go.

You opened your mouth a couple of times, trying to think of your answer, but stuck to the real one. “No…”

Draco sighed behind you, tutting softly. “I know, it’s gotta hurt-”

“It doesn’t hurt. I don’t feel sad or disappointed. I’m angry.”

“Wha-” Draco asked, turning you around to meet his sharp gaze. His grey eyes searched your own, trying to see any sign of tears or distress, but only found a boiling pit of anger.

“I’m angry because I wasted so much time, my time and effort on him. On a disgusting, cheating scoundrel of a person. How I thought of him as my partner for life, when in fact, he deserves nothing more than what his aunt and uncle were giving him. And that bitch Cho. They both may be purebloods, but they act like fucking mudbloods.” You said this, tears now seeping out as you practically spit out the words. Draco lay next to you, not saying a word, but then he took you closer to him, hugging you tightly.

“Yeah, I know”

“I’m sorry Dray. For not believing you…”, you said into his chest, making him feel the vibrations.

“It’s fine”, he replied effortlessly, running his fingers through your hair.

You looked up at him to see him smiling down at you, his hair ruffled and cheeks pink. “So, where is it? The accusation. Saying that you were right?”

He looked at you, eyebrows scrunched up. “Why would I do that? Sure I hate him, bu-but he meant something to you. What type of person would I be if I tried to insult him right after you broke up.” He smirked down at you. “I’ll wait for a week and after you drink a couple of Butterbeers to start insulting him.”

You laughed loudly, feeling like yourself again. And you knew what you should do now. What you have been wanting to do for a long time. “You know why I’m most mad Draco? It’s because I could’ve done so much better than him. I could’ve done so much more if he came clean a year ago” You looked up at Draco from under your eyelashes, smiling at his confused face.

“You know what I should’ve done?”

“What?”, he asked quietly, the room suddenly too calm.

“I could’ve told you I liked you. That I lov-”

You sadly didn’t get to finish your sentence, because the minute you said that, Draco pulled you up towards him, cradling your face in his palms before he kissed you. Shocked, you stayed still for a few seconds, but then kissed him back with equal enthusiasm. Years of pining and feelings came out in one shot. Pulling away when you needed oxygen, you kept your forehead against him, giggling softly. Draco opened his eyes, which were filled with adoration and...love.

“You know it’s rude to interrupt somebody when they are speaking..”

Draco chuckled, the sound running through your body. “Oh, I’m sorry darling. Please continue.”

“As I was about to say”, you pushed him down, sitting on his thighs as you looked down at him. “I love you. I have loved you for years, and I could’ve told you that a long time ago.”

Draco turned red, a lazy smirk appearing on his face. “Well, in that case, love, we have a lot of time to catch up on”, he whispered, quickly turning you over, hovering about you as he brought his lips over yours, “isn’t it?”

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Yay! My first Harry Potter themed fanfiction. I loved writing this, and have wanted to for quite some time. I hope you all liked it, and if so, I’ll keep on working on a couple more ideas I have. My requests are also open, and in my Masterlist, you can see which characters I write for in case you have some ideas :) Also, tell me if you want to be tagged in any upcoming Harry Potter fics or just my general taglist. Until next time 👋