#real rap is back but dang

[throne-for-queens]

Me listening to the 6:16

[bump1nthen1ght]

Fair Winds, Following Seas (M!Reader x M!Siren)

Pairing: Male!Captain!Reader x Male!Flirty!Siren

Genre: Pirates, Pining, Flirting

Word Count: 2257 words

Warnings: N/A

Summary: As a captain of a feared pirate crew, not much terrifies you. Not even keeping the company of a man-eating siren. 

Based on this request: (A/N: WHELP I clearly misread this request haha, a more accurate version of this request can be found here, but for now enjoy this piece!) May I request a flirty male! siren! reader with a male gruff pirate captain? I'll leave the details up to you! Love your works by the way, take all the dang time you need. :3

One of your favorite things about being captain is being at the helm. With nothing but an endless ocean in front of you and a steady grip on the wheel, you’ve never felt more at peace.

Except for right now, with an incessant rapping on your shoulder.

“Yes, Mr. Brightley?”

Your nervous, newest third mate jolts at your voice, probably just having worked up the nerve to approach you in the first place.

“U-um, the lookout has spotted a stranded person sitting out on the rock.” His shaky hands point out on the horizon, where a large outcrop stands solitary amidst the waves. The kind of rock that could sustain no other life than a seagull and crustaceans.

Your brow furrows.

“Really?”

“Yes, captain. The crew was wondering if we should stop and help them-”

“What do they look like?”

That stops Mr. Brightley in his tracks.

“Uh-”

“Check for me, will you?” You nod your head to the nearby telescope. Your ship is slowly riding the waves, the rock just within viewing distance.

Mr. Brightly shakily takes the scope, extending it and trying to catch any general features.

“Uh, long black hair, tan-” Brightley’s free eye squints, “It looks like they're wearing a sheet?”

You sigh.

“Tell the crew to get the rowboat ready, I’ll go and check this out.”

—

Your younger crew looks at you like you're crazy as you insist on going out to the rock by yourself, bringing nothing but a rope, a ladder and a bucket of fish with you. You told them you’ll be back in a few hours, another baffling fact.

As you row through the crashing waves,  a beckoning, melodic voice calls out to you.

“Oh, my savior!” The tenor calls out in fake falsetto, white linen flowing around his nude figure like Aphrodite. “I’ve been stranded for days. I thought I was a goner.” You throw a rope up the side of the rock, a snake-like hand grabbing it with precision. 

His face is beautiful, practically carved out of marble. His warm brown eyes are that of a doe, all innocent and alluring. “Whatever can I do to repay you?”

“Cut the crap, Harris.” 

You toss the pail of sea sweater directly into Harris face, the sheet wrapped around his chest going sheer. Harris just tosses his hair, water speckling like a rainbow as false skin fades into green scales, those doe eyes glowing a bright yellow and his demure smile becoming full of sharp teeth. He still resembles a human, a handsome one too, but this form is much more real.

“Ah, you always know how to make my day, Captain.”

Harris knots the rope around a sturdy rock, foregoing your rope ladder entirely and diving into the water with perfect precision. You roll your eyes.

“Showoff.” Haris flips back his long hair, now dark and tangled with sea water, as he pulls himself up onto the rowboat. His triceps flex and he gives you a wry smirk “You know you could send me a letter, like a normal friend does. Don’t have to do-” You gesture to the giant rock, to the diaphanous sheet now barely hanging off his hips, “-all this.”

“Nonsense, Captain.” Harris leah's over and sends a wave to your crew, most likely absolutely gobsmacked at this point. “These meetings are special! Special things deserve some drama.”

Harris flops his body over your legs, hand thrown over his forehead like the cover of a bodice-ripper. The sheet wraps around his waist, somehow making his sharp v seem all the more pronounced.

You scoff, setting your large oars aside and giving your arms a break. The sun is bright today, reflecting off the wear and right into your eyes. Sweat has begun to pool onto your brow.

A calloused, scaly hand runs up the side of your face, drawing your attention. The tips of Harris’ claws just graze your skin, lingering over a strip of puckered skin right by your jaw, no bigger than an inch.

“Is this new?”

You hum, remembering the scuffle at the bar they gave you the scar. It wasn’t even a good enough story to tell, the mark itself easily covered up by some facial hair, if you wanted to.

“Well, it makes you no less handsome.”

Harris sits up on his elbows, eyes dangerously darting across your lips. His tongue, long and black, darts in between his teeth.

You throw your thighs up and even Harris’ strong core isn’t enough to keep him steady. He falls off of you, quite ungracefully.

“Hey! Watch the merchandise, these looks are important, y’know?”

Harris brushed back his hair, showing off the sharp cut of his jaw and his perfectly pushed up cheekbones. They glimmer green and gold in the sunlight.

You grab a fish from the bucket and throw it in his face. Harris catches it between his teeth. He gives you a wink as blood and bone crunch under his fangs. 

“Hope you like mackerel, cause that's all you're getting.”

Harris pushes your knee in jest, lips so pouty, but graciously accepts the heaps of fish you give him. You’re lucky you're almost completely nose-blind, as you're sure the boat reeks of fish guts and brine at this point. 

“Now tell me Captain,”” Harris says, still picking flesh from his teeth, “-what ya been up to?”

“Nothing much.”

“You always say that.” Harris whines, stripping flesh clean of the bone with one bite. “Must I pry out every battle and plunder you’ve gone through? You’re a fearsome pirate Captain, brag a little.”

“This coming from the man who's been inside the Marianas Trench and didn’t tell me until I knew him for a year. ” You pull out a fresh orange, thankful you didn’t get any of the fish-stink on your hands. “Pot calling kettle black, Harris.”

“Ugh, you’ve seen the Marianas Trench once you’ve seen it you’ve seen it 

hundred times.” Harris throws a fish bone over the side, crossing his arms and leaning on your seat. “Now, suck it up and tell me about a ‘port’ of some sort!”

This was how it always went with Harris. For a siren, he was weirdly fascinated by your land-locked tales. You’d think he’d hate human stuff, given you met when rescuing him from a fishing net.

“Meh. Some sirens are shitty, some sirens are good. I’m sure humans are the same. I mean, you seem pretty cool.”

The next time your paths crossed had been accidental. Harris almost lured one of your men over the side. But after that snafu, he agreed to let the poor soul go in exchange for another story, something exciting like you had distracted him with when cutting him free. 

After that began the trade; he told you about his underwater escapades, you told him about your land ones. You seemed to be like magnets, paths always crossing in a wide wide ocean. 

“Ooh, like this.” Harris lunges forward, clawed hand going for your neck. After years of this, you don’t even flinch. The claws pull at the lace of your new necklace, pulling out the mother-of-pearl pendant ensconced in gold in the center. “I bet this has a story. Where did you get this from?”

“Hmm, just a bet gone right at a port bar. The one I told you about, with all the seashell decorations”  It was a common haunt of you and your crew, your face well known and respected. “Stupid bastard just wouldn't stop playing. He must have been a stupid noble or something, trying to make it on his own. Too much gold and not enough sense.” You look at the pendant, seeing the faint colors shimmer in the sunlight. “He only quit after he lost this, must’ve been an heirloom cause he got real red in the face afterwards. Lunged at my neck with a fork.” 

“Oh! Oh! Did you stab his hand into the table? Did you grab him by the collar, hold your sword up to his neck and say ‘Unhand me, fool, or I’ll wear your guts for garters’?”

You raise your eyebrow.

“You’ve been reading too many of those romance novels. No, I punched him and he was out like a light.”

Harris flops down, a pout.

“Well, what about the gold?”

“Spent most of it that night. Well, the crew did. I think they bled that poor tavern dry.” You laugh, fiddling with the pendant. That had been a fun night. “I held onto the rest.”

“Well surely you spent some of it. Didn’t you party with your crew?”

“Nah, I love the lads but they make poor company when drunk.”

“Hmm, so you prefer the company of others.” Harris wiggles his eyebrows, leaning forward and an elbow. “Anyone in parti-cu-lar?” Harris gives an exaggerated wink, scrunching up his cheek and all.

You aren’t moved by the performance

“Like I said, too many romance novels.”

“Oh come on!” Harris grabs another fish, ripping its head off with one movement. “Do you know how small the eligible siren population is? There's only about 500 of us, and you’re lucky if the siren you're courting isn't an ex's ex of an ex. There’s like, thousands of you humans-”

“More like billions-”

“-and you’re saying no one comes to mind? Not even a young ingénue waiting for their fearsome captain to come back from the sea? Or pining over that rugged lover they took one night, who blew their stockings right off?” Harris takes a bite of the fish, spitting out pieces of bone over the side. He leans forward further on his elbows, chin just inches from brushing against your thigh. “You’re telling me they don’t just throw themselves at you, Captain. You? Surely there must be someone who caught your eye.”  Harris gestures to your whole body. 

You exhale through your nose, staring right into Harris' deep yellow eyes. You’re no artist, nor a writer, but you wonder what the right words would be to describe him.

Someone with big eyes, with that aquiline nose. Whose eyes are like the sunset on the water, clear yet vibrant. With a black tongue, sharp teeth and even sharper claws.

“Nope, no one.”

Harris rolls his eyes, shoving your thigh with a half-strength push. 

“Fine, keep your secrets. I’ll pry you open one day, Captain.”

Fortunately, the conversation quickly drifts from your love-life to his recent misadventures. Mostly boring, according to him; Riding the gulf stream all the way to Iceland, helping a whale calf back to its mother, and sinking an English ship with some siren buddies.

“All Royal Navymen, so not the tastiest meat. But my god, do they make interesting sport.”

You show him the scar on your side you have from when such a Royal Navyman had grazed it with a bayonet.

“Lost lots of blood. But I walked away with my head intact, can’t say the same for him.”

“Not that he had much to begin with.”

That gets a laugh.

Only the setting sun can cut your meetings short, the night at sea bringing a deathly chill you’re ill equipped to deal with. Harris offers to pull your rowboat back to your ship, knowing how the sun tires you to the bone.

Curious crew members flee from the side as Harris draws closer, his handsome face poking out above the water. You’re sure some of them have already stuffed cotton in their ears, terrified of Harris. It takes your second hand, Ricky, to let the rope ladder down after you call everyone else cowards.

“I see what you mean about your crew, Captain. Who’d be afraid of little ole me?”

He presses a finger to his cheek in faux innocence, smile still filled with teeth. You splash some more water in his face.

You hop onto the bottom rung of the stepladder after typing up the rowboat, sluggish crew still too afraid to approach the side and pull the boat up. You turn back to Harris, who lingers in the water.

“Well, Farewell Captain! May your adventures be plentiful, so I have something interesting to listen to next time”

Harris propels himself upward, giving a dramatic bow half-way out of the water. You can’t fight the smile. Such a drama queen.

“Hey Harris?” You call back, now hanging off the ladder with one hand. The other gestures for Harris to come closer.

“Yes?” Harris asks, leaning up with brows furrowed.

His lips are just as salty as you’d expect. With only a three second peck, you’re already fiending for some water. It’d be harder to pull away, otherwise.

Those eyes are blown wide open, cheeks flushed an unnatural color you’ve never seen before. It’s a brand new expression on Harris, it shoots a pleasant bolt down your spine.

“Until we meet again.”

You tap the side of the rope, quickly yanked up by Ricky. You shoot only a glance back and see Harris, jaw dropped open like a guppy.

By the time you’re back on the deck, he seems to have dived back in the water, and your crew are pulling cotton out of their ears.

You give Ricky a pat on the back and he gives you a knowing smile. He’ll never let this go, that’s for sure. 

You saunter off into your quarters, Mr. Brightley and the rest still as befuddled as before.

“Absolute madman, he is.” Mr. Brightley says, wondering how he’d fit all your escapades into his letter to his sister. Hopefully her Captain was more sane than his.

[barblaz-arts]

Real real real random ask.. Buuutttt- what's your favorite song? Mine's either this or this, and not even because I'm into the dsmp, I just like cg5 lol. So yeah! Just was curious ig, also thought I should mention that you actually got me (back) into (obsessed with) the Crane Wives! I used to listen to them a little while back and got back into them again when I watched the Chaggie animatic with Curses for the song. That's all, have a good day!

Oh that is a very dangerous question. I LOVE talking about/recommending songs I like. I cant just choose one tho, especially when there are artists who have so many songs I love and there are many genres I adore, so sorry for the long ish list

With The Crane Wives my favorite changes from time to time. I remember when I was ill and basically bedridden for two months, I'd spend hours just listening to all of their songs. Rn my favorite is I Aint Done. Apparently it's supposed to be based on some urban legend? I like to think of it as some tragic sapphic story

Marianas Trench is another one of my favorite bands. If you were a teen like me who loved watching AMV's in the 2000's to 2010's, their songs are often used for ships lol. (i get the feeling you might be a bit on the young side tho, so sorry for talking about some oldies here) Hard to pick a favorite too, but maybe this one since it's the first one of theirs I heard

I havent ventured too deeply in rap heavy songs, but this is one I like a LOT. The pre-chorus and chorus are such killers too and a lot of fun to sing lol

Jordan Fisher is such an underrated gem. Their songs take me back to the classic RnB from the 2000's. And watching them perform is kinda captivating.

People who have followed me for a while now know that I also love kpop/Loona, so lemme plug in my girls real quick. This is my favorite from one of their subgroups

Kiss of Life is a newer group I've been getting into lately, and they're real dang talented. They kinda remind me of Little Mix, which I also really liked

If you're into anime, you've probably heard of yoasobi because they've had songs that feature in anime. It's really really hard to pick a favorite with them but the one they wrote for Beastars is the one I'm currently obsessed with

There are also a lot of good songs in my country I could talk days about, especially this one by Ben & Ben. The mv stars their bassist and keyboardist who are dating irl, which makes it even cuter

And then there are so many broadway songs i like.... oh my god so hard to choose........

Beetlejuice is my favorite musical, so I gotta choose one from it. The lyrics for the songs in this musical are so good, but especially with Dead Mom. The bridge where Lydia turns all soft because of how much she loved her mom gets me everytime. (fun fact for those who dont know, the voice actors for Pentious/Adam and Rosie were the OG actors for the title character and the step mom)

Lastly, I havent actually watched the Waitress yet(I'm talkin about bootlegs ofc) but the soundtrack's really good. The voice actor for Niffty was also there, so you might wanna check it out just to hear her sing, she's phenomenal. This song is undoubtedly the best of the bunch, and there's actually a version song by Lucifer's VA that is absolutely heart-breaking, but I'm putting the original version in the post for the intended message of the song because its important. Also this animatic is kinda insane. Jeremy Jordan's version of this song really is worth checking out too for sure

[moldsporr]

Finished act 4!!!!

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Act 3 reaction here

Intermission reaction here

Act 4 reaction:

“Next image” or “end game” What. What we just started ???

Ohhh I like this music tho

YAY JOHN AND HIS SWAGGY CLOTHES!!!!

This looks like an rpg lol

HI??? FROG??? SALAMANDER???? Whatever you are you're adorable

Hi adhd amphibian

These guys are great I love then

Ohhh they're salamanders

This section would be a lot more fun if I could. Play Homestuck. Curse my computer for not allowing me to read homestuck

This section is also taking a very long time to load. It is pictures you're fine phone

YAY BACK TO FUN STUFF!!! HI RENEGADE

DONT KILL WV DONT KILL WV

Did he lift thr pumpkin off wv's head. Gay

HELP don't kill him he's turned gay it's okay

Yay hi Jade!!!!

???? There IS a pumpkin there what the fuck

FUCK YEAH GLASSES PESTERING!!! LIKE HAL!!! BUT SQUARE!!!!!

Love the difference between John and Dave's reactions to Jade's dog

hi karkat!!!!!! You're being so mean… be nice to john or I'm Gonna bite you

Man I can like. Feel John's frustration karkat you're being so annoying I'm gonna bite you

Dave schizo arc … no I know he's being silly about the psychosis thing

Slur count: 9

“I love him” Dave why are you so random. Good for you though beeeee who you aaaaaare for your priiiiiide

ROSE IS IN PAN LAND!!!! They're putting chemicals in the water to turn the Rose's pan

Okay so we're going through the game thing again

???? Dave why do you want john to drink your piss,

YAYAYAYAYA THE SPRITE !!!! YOI WILL BE SO ANGSTY LATER

Well that's one way to wake Jade up

I think WV, PM, and AR could be a poly

GO JOHN WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK

Hello?????

GRANDPA???????????

JOHN NO BAD CHOICE

Oh :( Rose's mom left…

Egg

Slur count: 10

Okay which troll is this. Don't be rude about Rose's mom!!!! Bad troll

Best hatefriends forever <33 who are you

“Shit the bed” KARKAT TALKS LIKE ME!!!!

I understand why i was told i am karkat-coded

Slur count: 11

Laughing at a blind girl? Not cool egbert

OHH it's that one. The. Vriskas girlfriend!!!!

Guy with cat ears <4333

Hello???

Awooga

Oh. Oh that map is. Not great

GO ROSE GO ROSE !!!!

Yo that shot looks sickkkk…

Yo rose is metal af

“TG: i command her alright i am like the pimpmaster hustledaddy of all snippy bookshrews” Dave what

Okay my font changed here. Easier to read tbh. Idk if it'll translate to tumblr but oh well

Omg… yuri?????

Help why do trolls sound so gay

Oh green troll is pretty… what's her name….

Honktraband

I KNOW THIS ONE!!! Great rap Tavros

Whatever video they linked to for “I got a present for you casey” is unavailable… rip

Trolls watch movies with modern manga titles. Will keep in mind

Terezi is so right. John is a stupidly adorable little guy

OMG PM IS A QUEEN!!! SLAY

Meow

Awww… jaspersprite kinda types like my buddy. Meow meow

John's blasting off again

Did I miss something. When did Dave get a suit. When did Cal get added to the sprite. Wha

Yo what. John and Jade died??? Terezi noooo why did you ruin their session…

Slur count: 12

FUCK YEAH DAVESPRITE!!!! THERES THE GUY!!!!! I LOVE YOU DAVESPRITE

That didn't happen the way I thought it would. I think it's sweet that Dave chose to become a sprite to protect his friends. If they don't treat him nicely I'm killing all of them

But dang… doomed timeline…

OH MY GOD CAPRAIN PLANET

Dave and Davesprite are so chill. Love them

AWWW. John remembered Dave's note….

Ohhh sick… jack is a queen(?) Now!!!! The guardian people are fighting!!! Yayyyyyy

Oh thank God Hussie will explain what's been going on

CAL IS REAL!!!!!

My reaction to Hussies's joke ._. That was. Lame

Aww. Terezi just wants to be his friend :> this better not be a trick my baby boy is so gullible

ROSE'S PLACE!!!

Dr Meowgon Spengler

John :( he's real Dave. John don't be ungrateful… honestly it's fair of Davesprite to be mad. Like John died in his timeline. He went back and chose to help the other Dave and all his friends and. Ourghh. Be nice to him

Yooo cal gets a cute little outfit !!! He's zipping around <333

HELP HE PASSED OUT

Awwww… more bunnies!!!

IS THIS SOLLUX. I've heard of this one. Eridan lover

They are jamming!!

CAL NO

Maplehoof Maplehoof

JADES GRANDPA!!!

Haha get pranked

I love the differences in how Rose and John name things

John you're So stupid why would you just stand on it

FUCK YEAH CAL IS HERE

Fuck yeah ride the pony

AR so swaggy

Okay so. I swear. These guys are the midnight crew. That is literally Deuce. I'm not crazy right. They look the same. Maybe this is their sleepy selves… godtier… do they get godtier. Hmm

FUCK YEAH JADE

NO NOT GRANDPA FUCK WAIT

Idk what just happened in that animation but yay WV

Needlewands!!!!

Omg that's such a cute outfit for Rose I love it

Welcome to the party motherfuckers

Okay I'm really excited to see what Jade’s sprite is

I don't remember Dave getting thay suit. Did he steal it from future Dave. I mean future Dave doesn't really need clothes anymore but…

Oh okay yeah it's future Dave's. but cool!! Not a bad suit at all

Beautiful sword actually

Dave you're scaring the hoes

Dave looks like the autism creature in that selfie he took

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow

Wizard fanfic!!!!

Dave is so real here. Rose and her mom could've talked :(

DAVE THERES A GUY IN UR HOUSE

Uhhhh. Dave ded :( that's not good. Present Dave you gotta fix this

Man what if that Dave was still alive

BETTY CROCKER

Nanna!!!!

I'm gonna bet 10$ that the goo John's getting is gonna be the alpha kids

FUCK YEAH I KNEW IT!!!!

Oh there are more beta kids as well okay

They are holding hands !

karkar you can't say that. Wait that's not his name. Whatever. Karkat bad!!! Unless you're like me as I am like you. Schizophrenic I mean.

Awww.. Lil dirk loves Lil cal… that's so sweet

Babysitter au!!! John be careful with all these babies

These babies are uglJAKE PUT THE GUNS DOWN!!!!

Karkat never say daddy again thank you

J???? JAKE??? YOU KILLED HER GRANDPA

Harley… like Jade Harley…

Jack Noir…

That was the best ending of an act. Oh my fucking god. I am crying

[noxexistant]

I LOVE THE THOUGHT OF OF SPLASHER , ROMEO AND MORRIS MUCKING AROUND AFTER WORK

LIKE ROMEO IS TRYING TO PICK UP GIRLS ON THE STREET WHILE MORRIS WATCHES THE STREET TO MAKE SURE NO BULLS R COMING AS SPLASHER GRAFFITIS A WALL WITH PAINT AND THEN SIGNS THEIR INITIALS S.M.R

MORRIS YANKING ROMEO AWAY FROM A SINGLE GIRL IN A 50 MILE RADIUS WHILE ALSO HAVING TO LISTEN TO SPLASHER AND HIS LITTLE PRANKS FOR THEM TO PULL

BUT MORRIS HAS HIS OWN LITTLE " HOLD ME BACK BEFORE I BLOW. " MOMENTS LIKE HOW MORRIS GETS SO DEEP INTO INFODUMPING WITH SPLASHER N ROMEO , THEY HAVE TO MAKE SURE HE DOESNT START SCREAMING ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEYLL GET TOLD OFF

LIL MODERN AU THINGY MAJIGGY - ROMEO MAKES SHITTY RAP MUSIC VIDEOS LIKE MISCHA FROM RIDE THE CYCLONE AND GET MORRIS N SPLASHER TO LISTEN TO THEM AND MORRIS AND SPLASHER JUST SHIT IT ON IT SO HARD THAT THEY CANT EVEN GET PAST THEIR 2ND INSULT WITHOUT LAUGHING

- mystery anon

oh i love this SO dang much!! the trio i never knew i needed.

splasher catches morris eyeing the graffiti curiously and eagerly points at each letter of their signature in turn, “this is s for splasher. m for morris. r for romeo.” he knows morris can’t read or write, splasher couldn’t either for a while, but the newsies have all been teaching him. elmer helps teach him maths too. splasher wants morris to learn too, but morris is adamant he’s too stupid. (he’s terrified the newsies, most of whom already just barely put up with him, will stop liking him if they have to do anything to teach him or help take care of him. he doesn’t want to be a burden. he knows that never ends well.)

romeo cuts himself off from his flirting with a passing girl literally mid-sentence because he sees splasher encouraging morris to join him in painting and he refuses to be left out, instead rushing right over to join them. splasher lets morris take and use the makeshift brush he was using - often just a stick - while he and romeo dip their fingers in the paint to smear it on the wall. doodling nonsense, their own names and standard “manhattan best” “eat it jo” “weasel” fare. morris paints a couple clumsy swirls at most before he hands the brush back and goes back to guard duty, adamant that he has to keep a lookout for the two other boys’ sake.

morris also definitely LOVES infodumping to romeo and splasher!!! they’re both so bright and energetic and receptive. splasher in particular loves listening to morris, and loves to imitate morris’ stimming because it’s always fun - bouncing on his heels and swaying and flapping his hands. but he’s also good at helping morris regulate if he’s getting too excited, bouncing and dancing with him to help him burn off some of that restless sort of sizzling energy before he gets too loud or incidentally starts hurting himself. (splasher will quietly sit and hold morris’ hands tight if he’s trying to hit himself, whether he’s upset or just sensory-seeking. often, he’ll squeeze morris’ fists and play-fight with him to try and imitate the same sort of feelings. just throw his whole body at morris and knock him flat on his back while he’s sat on the floor.)

romeo, meanwhile, just sits silent and still and listens to morris’ infodumping while staring at him like he hung the stars.

also, oh my god, modern romeo would so make shitty rap songs. auto tuned to hell and back, 🤖BAaaAAbYYY—🤖 type deal. he posts them on soundcloud, where his artist name absolutely incorporates “romeo” somehow despite the fact that he has still never read nor seen the play. morris fights for his life to not laugh when romeo’s showing them to him, but splasher is shameless with his laughter.

“did you make this song with a microwave?” “we’re you in the microwave? is that why you sound like that?” “some real bold lyrics from a guy whose never got a text back in his life.”

romeo takes their comments as “valuable critique”

[max--phillips]

Fingernails fjdnxnsks

Nate fkfjdnfjsndnfndkfnndnddj

FKFNSNFNSNS

CONDOMS FOR BALLS

Shandy Jesus

Incredible. Just getting shit done in a medical setting. Who woulda thought

ANIMAL CROSSING DJFNDNJSS

Jamie fjvjdncjdks

Oof

Barbara dkfkdjcjcjcnxnckcjdnxjcjjdj

Outclass ‘em Sam dkvjdnfjdndjsks

EJGJDBCNSK THE KHAKIS

Gosh dang the sun indeed

SHEEP

Oh my god Nate. Idk if I can handle the secondhand embarrassment from this

Derek rkgjrnfjdjs

Where Did Zava Go

AVOCADO WHISPERER

Jack ekfjenfjdbdjsk

Oof Nate

Rebecca 👀

Oof again

Oh man Keeley

Ekgjdncksjsj

YEAH I SAW THAT COMING

GAY! GAY! THE GAYS ARE WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT KEELEY

Aw Jade comin around

APOLOGY RAP dmfndnfndbsnsm

Dani fkvjdnfjdnsks

AVOCADO FARM

It’s thing

Isn’t it weird how you can be mid-panic, switch it off for a second to be a real person for any other person, then it comes back. Like that’s absolutely happened to me before

[trashkerouac]

Dang get down with the shit

Baby O cold, G-walk on a bitch

Baw with da baw, kick rocks, get down

Dang house, bitch, muthafucka, who now?

6FEETDEEP, muthafucka, who that?

Baby O beat 'em with a baseball bat

Steel toe, bitch, weigh about 250

Beat a bitch stupid, put a blade in his kidney, damn

Hold up, wait, hold up, stop

Baby O jukin' up the muthafuckin' block

Hold up, wait, hold up, stop

Baby O, bitch, make your body fuckin' drop

Mac, I be pimpin'

Fuck all these bitches

Fuck all these haters and bustas and snitches

Fuck they opinion

Fuck what they thinkin'

Fuck everybody, fuck everyone dissin'

Say what you want

Talk with your chest

Talk to me nice or I'm breaking your neck

Fuck with my team

Fuck with my set

Fuck with me, bitch,

I'll put six in your chest,

I’ll put six in your chest,

Six in your chest ———

So you wanna be hardcore?

With your hat to the back, talkin' 'bout the gats in your raps

But I can't feel that hardcore appeal

That you're screamin', maybe I'm dreamin'

This ain't Christopher Williams, still some

MC's got to feel one, caps I got to peel some

To let niggas know, that if you fuck with Big-and-Heavy

I get up in that ass like a wedgie

Says who? Says me, the lyrical

Niggas sayin', "Biggie off the street, it's a miracle"

Left the drugs alone, took the thugs along with me

Just for niggas actin' shifty

Sticks and stones break bones, but the gat'll kill you quicker

Especially when I'm drunk off the liquor

Smokin' funk by the boxes, packin' Glocks is

Natural to eat you niggas like chocolates

The funk baby.

[I love for the funk|I die by the funk!]

All I want is bitches, big booty bitches

Used to sell crack, so I could stack my riches

Now I pack gats, to stop all the snitches

From stayin' in my business, what is this?

Relentless approach, to know if I'm broke or not

Just 'cause I joke and smoke a lot

Don't mean I don't tote the glock

Sixteen shots for my niggas in the pen

Until we motherfuckin' meet again

Huh, I'm doin' rhymes now, fuck the crimes now

Come on the ave, I'm real hard to find now

'Cause I'm knee deep in the beats

In the Land Cruiser Jeep with the MAC-10 by the seats

For the jackers, the jealous ass crackers in the

I'll make you prove that it's bulletproof!

Hold ya head, 'cause when you hit the bricks

I got gin, mad blunts, and bitches suckin' dick

The funk baby

So I guess you know the story, the rap-side, crack-side

How I smoked funk, smacked bitches on the backside

Bed-Stuy, the place where my head rests

Fifty shot clip if a nigga wan' test

The rocket launcher, Biggie stomped ya

High as a motherfuckin' helicopter

That's why I pack a nina, fuck a misdeameanor

Beatin' motherfuckers like Ike beat Tina

— Dang get down with the shit!

Baby O cold, G-walk on a bitch

Baw with da baw, kick rocks, get down

Dang house, bitch, muthafucka, who now?

6FEETDEEP, muthafucka, who that?

Baby O beat 'em with a baseball bat

Steel toe, bitch, weigh about 250

Beat a bitch stupid, put a blade in his kidney, damn

Hold up, wait, hold up, stop

Baby O jukin' up the muthafuckin' block

Hold up, wait, hold up, stop

Baby O, bitch, make your body fuckin' drop

— Mac, I be pimpin'!

Fuck all these bitches

Fuck all these haters and bustas and snitches

Fuck they opinion

Fuck what they thinkin'

Fuck everybody, fuck everyone dissin'

Say what you want

Talk with your chest

Talk to me nice or I'm breaking your neck

Fuck with my team

Fuck with my set

Fuck with me, bitch, I'll put six in your chest

— What's love got to do?

When I'm rippin' all through your whole crew

Strapped like bamboo, but I don't sling guns

I got bags of funk, and it's sellin' by the tons

Niggas wanna know, how I live the mack life

Making money smoking mics like crack pipes

It's type simple and plain to maintain

I add a little funk to the brain

The funk baby…

[ericleo108]

12/29/2023 Click here for Spotify, Apple Music, or Youtube. “Praises” is my 66th official release. This song is energetic, romantic, and intellectual all at the same time. This song is about praising Gaia as if she was your lover. The song officially features Headband Henny and unofficially features Sam Peters who also mixed and mastered the track at La Luna Recording and Sound in Kalamazoo Michigan. It was self-recorded and the beat is by That Kid Goran who I shout out in the song. The cover art is by xoxodesigns from fiverr.

I talk about this blog post and other updates in the latest Sunday update here:

I wanted to make a song basically thanking Gaia and telling her if she brings me more good fortune I will rap her praises in the same way you want to rap the praises of your girlfriend or boyfriend.I’m really talking to Gaia and vessel’s of Gaia about how I wanna rap their praises. And considering the theory is that Gaia influences through inferences of love especial romantic (aka eros) it is appropriate to talk to her as if she were your significant other.  “Get naked” is a metaphor for “baring it all.”

Lyrics: Rap your praises Rap your praises Eric Leo 108 Check it Wow girl, you fine, go ahead and get naked Rappin what I do, never into fake’n  My heart, from your love is what’s been taken I just wanna give it back, and rap your praises Shout out to my producers That work on my music Like That Kid Goran Thanks for this beat dude let’s  Get this money and endorsements Stack it high til it abhorrent Feel’n Amorphous Like the energy course’n (I said) Feeling amorphous Like the energy course n Through my veins and orifices While connecting the Forrests The spirit bomb is real dawg The Egyptians have revealed y’all  Energy and we evolved Connected and involved We can’t even talk to plants Or communicate to dolphins How we gonna talk to aliens Or the earth, even if we wanna So I’m gonna abide And live my life Enjoy the ride And focus my eyes Cuz Not every one observes  The starry nights in verse I step left (right) to learn How To connect with earth Like flowing water streams I see you in my dreams How you treat the people see Is the reason we agree Wow girl, you fine, go ahead and get naked Rappin what I do, never into fake’n  My heart, from your love is what’s been taken I just wanna give it back, and rap your praises Wow girl, you fine, go ahead and get naked Singing what I do, never into fake’n  My heart, from your love is what’s been taken I just wanna give it back, and sing your praises I just want to give it back and rap your praises  This space is where I’m gonna be for now  Matter of fact it’s so amazing  Mother Nature  Nurtured me  And I’ve been patient Ly waiting for  The days in store That earth is worth saving for  We need to treat you like you treated us  We’ve always needed you, you ain’t needed things from us  We’ve been ungrateful and neglectful thus far  So now it’s time for us to get to doing our part  Cuz I know it’s bliss  But I want all of this around for my kids  If it’s hurting you then I ain’t rocking them kicks  Everywhere I go, I can’t help but take a pic  Cuz being picturesque  Is yours best  dang feature  With all the creatures  Chilling and relaxing  But you’re still the teacher  Telling us what to do  I’m seeing all the signs  And we just want you  To be healthy and all fine Wow girl, you fine, go ahead and get naked Rappin what I do, never into fake’n  My heart, from your love is what’s been taken I just wanna give it back, and rap your praises Wow girl, you fine, go ahead and get naked Singing what I do, never into fake’n  My heart, from your love is what’s been taken I just wanna give it back, and sing your praises Rap your praises Rap your praises Rap your praises

[miintsprigz]

Ohio RTC live-blogging

I watched the Saturday stream, and I documented my thoughts because hyperfixation goes brrrr

HEADS UP

there was a lot of ableism in the chat (I do discuss what it entails below so you’ve been warned) so I was distracted at the end of the stream

-Karnak’s frantic tone during the accident + freeze frame moment, very cool

-them holding up the prizes

-Constance’s mumbled “sorry”

-post-possession Noel and Mischa stuff is so good (the o.e face and shoulder shake)

-I don’t like Ricky’s disability being stolen again, but I do like the fact that they’re happy that he’s happy, seems to be “bro”ing it up with Mischa a bit, I do love that

-JANE! (OVERANALYZES LIKE CRAZY) The way she tips her head a lot like it doesn’t fit her body comfortably. She sounds so timid…awww, honey…she moves a bit like her body is off-balance from the new head, I love the details

-I see evidence of platonic (at least) spacedolls already. Ricky waved at Jane!!!

-BREASTMILK CHEESE SANDWICH EATING BLEGH

-even in the “ocean’s life” segment Jane’s movements are just a BIT off. I think it’s cool when the Jane is taller in the cast, makes me think of a Barbie/pos

Poor gal seems real uncomfy in those lenses tho, can’t blame her

-all of the cast looks like they’re having the time of their life

-Mischa’s mannerisms are already cracking me up

-I am appreciating Noel very much in this production tbh, very sharp-tongued and excellent emoting in the face

-Jane’s delivery of That One Line (I hear it gives you an—)

-despite the small theatre and tech limits because of that, they really do well getting the point across with the props

-gosh props to Noel that change takes too long even in the main show, but he works it

-RICKY’S LIL SHIMMY IN THE BEGINNING OF NOEL’S LAMENT AND HE SEEMS TO ACTUALLY BE PLAYING ACCORDION!!!

-CAN ALL MISCHAS EVERYWHERE STOP BEING SO PRETTY, RESPECTFULLY!!

-THAT NOIR FILM IN THE BACK, I LOVE!

-ngl I’m in love with this Ricky

-these dances are so fun!

-not a ton of Nischa in here with the end of the lament but—

-Constance’s “w h y” after the F word joke

-B O N S O I R

-them adding improv in ESGAL is a bit silly, but oh, RuPaul ref. That blindsided me lol

-RICKY AND JANE ARE GROOVING TO MISCHA’S INTRO TOGETHER AWWWW THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!!

-they seem to be sort of un-possessed in TSIA, and Mischa seems a bit more friendly in this production so I think that fits decently

-RICKY HAS A LOW RANGE HEYYYY (Debby Ryans)

-I love how they try to make it like he can’t remember his rap—or can he actually not remember? Either way they played it off like it was on purpose and I appreciate that

-interesting how Jane’s a stand-in for Talia, cuz she could be anyone, she’s a blank body sorta

-I love the dances so so much, how they seem to be fencing Mischa in, and HE SINGS SO WELL, they did their best with the projector and got it across

-The way he just SITS DOWN AWWWW HON HE LOOKS SO SAD

-NOEL AND MISCHA HUG? NOEL AND MISCHA HUG!!!! AWWWWW IM CRYIN they seem so genuine about that whole part! person I’ve tagged said they noticed Mischa is audibly crying for quite a bit, poor dear

-again, Mischa encourages Ricky, I appreciate this! They see the Ricky and Mischa friendship supremacy!!!

-Mischa and Jane acting like generally strange parents and tHE FAKE ACTION SCENES which I genuinely think should have been in the original

-the implication that zolar daydreams came from food poisoning, this poor lad, I know it’s not exclusive to this version but dang

-this Ricky is just very captivating, I think this is a part that takes a lot of…uhhh, chutzpah, to play

-(sees Jane being a very passionate kitty) … (adds to spacedolls evidence folder)

-hehe I love that Mischa is Count Dogula

-also that black hole sound frequency reference made me so happy (“68 octaves below the middle C”)

-this Mischa has ADHD imo and I live for it

-AW JANE HAS SUCH A TINY MEMORY BOX. …big enough for a head. Cruel.

-they really worked with what they had for the background on Jane’s song. The way she blends into the scenery fits. That’s what she’s been doing this whole show. Also her trying so hard to grab her memory box and it’s always out of reach ;A;

-HER VOICE IS EXCELLENT this is impressing me in a bigger way than I thought it would

-the shadows moving!!! the way she can kind of recall knowing them, but not enough to know their faces or names

-the circling with the lights does make me think she’s falling, and the fact that she’s holding an umbrella…and sounds like she’s crying at the end…she’s so alone dude, I care her

-that last note was like a final scream

-Noel and Jane interaction!!! something I never see!!! I love it!

-Ricky is so gentle with Jane ;-;

-THEYRE HAVING FUN!!! SO CUTE!!!

-(chat is ableist about someone either ticcing, stimming, or having a meltdown in the audience and distracts me)

-Sugarcloud was excellent sorry I was too busy being full of rage

-Piano go breaking noises

-“you will soar to great heights” o u c h

-THE GROUP HUG AND THE BACKWARDS ROLLERCOASTER SOUNDS

-AW CONSTANCE AND OCEAN AND RICKY AND NOEL SPINNING EACH OTHER

-MISCHA AND NOEL DANCING!

-THEYRE SO HAPPY

-ACAPELLA DREAM OF LIFE WITH GROUP HUG HITS REALLY DIFFERENTLY

Do I have criticism? Uhhh well it wasn’t perfect but hey, from what I saw they didn’t have a ton to work with (nobody’s fault there) and they used their resources well.

I also constantly have to remind myself of the fact that this show has a cast of at most eight people acting, and it makes sense that it’s difficult to remember all of your lines, and the fact that everybody has a solo song!!!

I dream of some day playing an alto Jane, although I doubt it will ever happen, but I’m not sure I’m talented enough to do with this cast attempted

Also frick the people in chat who were being jerks about that audience member. git gud, Ricky would hate you you’re breaking the one rule

[gryffinwall]

Lucas Friar Appreciation Post

Lucas often gets a bad rap for not being able to choose between the girls during the Not-a-Triangle situation – the phrase “fuckboy” gets used a lot – so it's only fitting he's the next one to receive an appreciation post.

1. Lucas put in a lot of work to be a better person, and it shows.

We know him as New York Lucas, who keeps his cool, makes good grades, and stays out of trouble. But it’s pretty clear he had to work through a LOT before transforming into the easy-going Lucas we've come to know. Not a lot of grown-ass adults can successfully manage their anger issues, so it’s pretty dang impressive Lucas was able to do it on his own.

2. He’s a great friend who will always be there for anyone who needs him.

Lucas was quick to defend Farkle when cool jock bro Billy called him a nothing. He stood up for Zay against that 30-something middle school kid even though it meant Lucas himself possibly getting in trouble for it. He felt crushed at not being able to protect the gang from the high school seniors. And of course, in spite of everything I just said about his anger management prowess, he was ready to stand up for Riley when he realized she was being bullied. He was the protector of the group, and he took his job seriously.

3. Lucas truly supported Maya’s art.

Oh look, my Lucaya bias is showing again! But it’s true – Lucas was consistently a huge source of support for Maya when it came to her art. He encouraged her to keep trying when she was ready to give up, and who could forget when he didn’t want the arts program to get cut because he knew those classes made her happy? Sure, Riley and the others supported her too, but Lucas seemed to have a better understanding of how deeply Maya's art meant to her.

4. The Not-a-Triangle was hard on him because he genuinely didn’t want to hurt either of the girls.

Okay, this one might be controversial. After all, it’s where he gets his fuckboy reputation. But hear me out: Lucas cared more about not hurting the girls and not damaging their friendship than he did about what he would get out of picking one of them. I won’t deny that some of that has to do with guilt, but let’s get real, how many guys would feel that upset over hurting someone he cared about that he was practically unwilling to make a decision at his own expense? And let's call it like it is: Lucas clearly felt unheard for a long time during that whole situationship. The girls were very much a part of why it took him so long to decide, but somehow the blame falls mainly on him.

5. He was surprisingly well-rounded for being the “face.”

Farkle called him “just a face” a lot and that couldn't be farther from the truth. Lucas was a great athlete, but he worked hard in school to the point of winning an athlete scholar award. He had a clear vision of what he wanted to do in life (become a veterinarian, in case you’ve forgotten). He also was elected class president, was vocal about his religious beliefs, got cast as Romeo in the school play, showed he cared more about ethics than money and won a bull riding competition. He also had a good sense of humour and was able to "tangle" with Maya, her words, pretty easily. We got a hint of an interesting family dynamic, what with his mother being the doting, loving parent and his dad being a bit of a hardass (remember Lucas calling his dad “sir”? Yikes.). And of course, there's also his aforementioned anger issues and his mysterious past involving getting held back a grade. Lucas easily could’ve just been the cute boy with not a lot going on, but he ended up being a far more interesting character than expected.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Music. Is. IMPORTANT!

Music conveys emotion and thought far better than anything that can be written or said. It tells stories, strengthens a scene, and evokes a feeling, whether a song is lyrical, instrumental, or just a random pop song added to a moment. And if you don't believe me, then refer to the following list. And I'm not going to explain my reasoning why for all of them. Not only because that defeats the purpose, but also because this list is so gosh dang long that it would be impossible to cover all of them. If you want me to explain my reasoning, then ask me, and I'll do so. I'll also leave links to these songs so you can see for yourself why music truly is essential.

Background Music

"Shepherd's Boy"

"Contact (Final Transmission)"

"Po Finds the Truth"

"Heartache"/"ASGORE"

"Hopes and Dreams"

"You Can't Stop this Mother F*****"

"Portals"

"The Real Hero"

Intro Musical Numbers That Set the Tone/Characters/Style

"Alexander Hamilton"

"In the Heights"

“Beautiful”

"More Than Survive"

"Ex-Wives"

"Bikini Bottom Day"

"Circle of Life"

“Belle”

Finales that bring stories to an epic/bittersweet conclusion and/or Curtain call

"How the Magic of Friendship Grows”

"Summer Belongs to You”

"Us Against the Universe"

"Time We Spent Together”

"Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story"

"Voices in My Head"

"Six"

Songs that Understand a Character to their Very Core

"Smile Song"

"Comet"

"Wait For It"

"Weirdos Make Great Superheroes"

"Hear My Voice"

"Waiting in the Wings"

Songs That Tell A Story

"Little Miss Perfect"/"Ordinary" (I had to...)

"A Kirin Tale"

"Android Ashley"

"Leave Luanne"

"The Ballad of Sara Berry"

"All You Wanna Do"

Villain Songs

"Candy Store"

"Meant to be Yours"

"Be Prepared"

"Shiny"

"You'll Be Back"

"I’m the Bad Guy"

"Hellfire"

"Poor Unfortunate Souls"

"Other Friends"

"If There's a Will"

"A Story Told"

"The Room Where it Happens"

“Friends on the Other Side”

“Mother Knows Best”

“It’s Gonna Get Weird” (I know it’s not official, but it’s so awesome)

"In the Dark of the Night"

"Unleash the Magic"

"Someone Gets Hurt"

Misc. Musical Songs (Movies/TV/Broadway)

"Happily Ever After"

"My Shot"

"One Jump Ahead" (Also known as the best way to introduce a character)

"Own It"

"Meet the Plastics"

"Helpless"/"Satisfied" (You can’t listen to one without the other)

"Blackout"

"Anybody Have a Map"

“Waving Through a Window”

"You Will Be Found"

"My Dead Gay Son"

"Sincerely, Me"

"The Faith Song"

"It's Quiet Uptown"

"Remember Me"

"Gitchee Gitchee Goo”

"Chop Away At My Heart"

"Burn"

"Drift Away"

"Hell to your Doorstep"

“Nothing Left to Lose”

"Into the Unknown"

"Say No to This"

"The World Was Wide Enough"

Scenes with Pop Music

"Don't Stop Me Now" scene from Shaun of the Dead

Opening Credits to Baby Driver

"Working for the Weekend" scene from Regular Show

“Mississippi Queen” scene from Regular Show

"I Get Around" scene from Regular Show

"Come and Get Your Love" scene from Guardians of the Galaxy

"Mr. Blue Sky" scene from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2

"What's Up Danger" scene from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

"Sweet Victory" scene from Spongebob Squarepants

"All-Star" intro from Shrek (One day, people will hear “All Star” and not think of Shrek...one day.)

"I Need A Hero" cover from Shrek 2

Bo Burnham Songs...Just...Bo Burnham songs (NOT FOR KIDS)

"Repeat Stuff"

"From God's Perspective"

"Lower Your Expectations"

"Left Brain/Right Brain"

"Are You Happy"

"We Think We Know You"

"Can't Handle This (Kanye Rap)"

If you think you could do better: Make your own list.

If you’re gonna mock me for mostly including Hamilton songs: ...Get a life.

To the rest of you, share this with your friends who don’t understand music. They might after this.

[snobgoblin]

K. Here are the lyrics to the song whenever u get a chance

I declare war

On anybody standing in the way of what I dream for

How could you ignore

The ones that are voiceless, screams from the poor?

They only here to score

I do it for the underground kings that'll need more

I'm kickin' down your door

If I wonder why you got a pocket full of green for (rrah)

It's all about the get back

It's hard to give back while the politicians kick back

They say I'm only brick rap

Well, that's the foundation of this mountain that I live at

I can get you kidnapped

These kids ain't playin' with you, actin' like you live rap

And all those little mishaps

That only happen to you, misfits, I'm here to fix that (yeah)

Time to dig up your grave

Make you lower your voice

I told you not to play with the misfit toys

We running this gang

Getting sick of your noise

You stranded with a bad bunch of misfit toys

Rich get richer while the poor pickpocket

Swipes Maxwell 'til the cops come knockin'

Have or have not, bein' broke is not an option

Time after time when you got a thing for watches (ha)

When you the plug in the socket (yes)

And the powers that be can't stop it

So obnoxious, borderline toxic

Both sides go to war like a mosh pit (yeah)

Now let me switch up the optics

Our neighborhoods held us hostage (that's real)

Some nights we slept in our closets (that's real)

Gun fights was outside the projects (brrah)

So you can't blame me for nonsense

I'm here to collect deposits

All else defies the logic

My people need me beside them (now)

Time to dig up your grave

Make you lower your voice

I told you not to play with the misfit toys

We running this gang

Getting sick of your noise

You stranded with a bad bunch of misfit toys

Don't play with the misfits

Come play with the misfits

Don't play with the misfits

Come and play with the misfits

I told you don't play with the misfits

Must be deaf, dumb and blind, you a triplet (triplet)

Don't you make me erase your existence

All by my lonely, need no assistance

Any disrespect gets met with a vengeance

Burn down gossip and hidden agendas

We set the tone for all to remember

You rewrite history, the greatest pretenders

(You rewrite history, the greatest pretenders, brrah)

Time to dig up your grave

Make you lower your voice

I told you not to play with the misfit toys

We running this gang

Getting sick of your noise

You stranded with a bad bunch of misfit toys

Don't play with the misfits (brrah)

Come play with the misfits (yes)

You stranded with a bad bunch of misfit toys

ohhh dang yeah i guess it fits

[wrestlezon]

liveblog containment post for aew dynamite 7/20/22

i am obviously excited for the best friends vs bcc fight :)c

theyre starting off with darby vs brody king? ok hes gettin thrown around like a ragdoll brody king won. makes sense hes a big guy

wait there was a chuck taylor sign in the bg. hold it up again i want to read it lmao the its my birthday sign upside down oh sting is here! hes been baited out whoa the lights are they going to make sting evil. evil grandpa they misted him OH ITS MIRO he got misted last time. and his promo was very suspect. is miro evil??? :)c SUNGLASSES SUSPICIOUS... lol he taped it over OHHH BEST FRIENDS ARE NEXT WOOOOOO

this is a backstage promo with the guy ricky starks is fighting for the ftw championship lmfao ricky starks and hobbes are so good. just putting the hat on tony schiavone

THE BEST FRIENDSSSSSSSS VS MOXLEY AND YUTA ORANGE CASSIDY GUEST COMMENTARY??? LMAO lmfao regal at it as per the usual

he doesn't know how to flirt with orange. hes asking to hold hands with him. TRENT TAGGED CHUCK IN VS YUTA OOOOUGHHHH i can hear that the the commentary is saying lore but im focusing 100% on chuck and yuta fighting I AM GOING TO KILL THE CAMERA CREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY LITERALLY CUT AWAY AT THE WORST POINT Trent mad chuck stopping him :O and then beating up yuta himself lol moxley chasing him lmaooo OHHH CHAIR lmfao the daniel garcia "get a load of this guy" cam AWFUL WAFFLE... sorry i was too busy watching the match with my undivided attention. you know how it is YUTA WITH THE PIN... orange just gets up and walks off

oh theres a claudio promo right now? there better not be stage events happening behind this

swerve and keith lee celebration lmfao the cake... swerve you are trying so hard oh mark sterling is here with tony nese. i forgot about his anti-strickland agenda oh no!!!! their cake!!!!!!!!!

alex reynolds and john silver backstage promo with butcher and the blade?? hell yes LMFAO BUTCH IMPACT FONT SHIRT i love the dark order and im glad theyre putting john silver on live tv beating them up!!! HANGMAN TO THE RESCUE!!!!! :O

varsity blondes vs cage and luchasaurus oops i looked away

lmfao cage on lucha's shoulders? thats not your-- OH JUNGLE BOY??? with a chair... whaddya gonna do jungle boy... LUCHA TAKES HIS SIDE!! CAGE RUNNING i wasnt sure if luchasaurus was gonna turn on him last second. i wouldve yelled (angry)

the gunn club backstage promo! WE'RE GETTING A RAP BATTLE???? HEEEELLLLL YESSSS

ricky starks vs cole karter i dont know this karter guy. but he is wrestling out there lol ricky being like dang hold on time out. i need a breather same tbh i still need to think about that best friends fight oh man that cole karter flip slam looked harsh but i also can't tell when a move is bad for real starks is cool and classy. ohhh and he got the mic! lemme hear it mr starks oh really? are they gonna back to back wrestle match? this would be a first. im excited to see if theyd actually do it DANHAUSEN???? NO I ACTUALLY WANT THIS TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW WHICH MEANS THEYRE NOT GONNA DO IT RIGHT NOW LMAO THE CROWD MAD THEYRE NOT GETTING IT RIGHT NOW OH HIS IMPRESSION SO GOOD IM EXCITED FOR RICKY STARKS VS DANHAUSEN

backstage promo with willow, statlander, and athena threats to slap his bald head WILLOW IS SOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE AUGUGHHGHGHHHH 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

in-ring promo with ftr! theyre promoting their match vs the briscoes? dax's daughter story... 🥺

jay lethal backstage promo... oh! christopher daniels challenging him on friday??

jade cargill and kiera hogan vs athena and willow!!! there is a lot of rappers involved in this show but i am not cultured and i do not know them. :( i love how this is team cyan vs team purple whoops i missed the beginning of the fight. athena is putting in work now though stokely has appeared to distract-- ohhh no!! lmao can you imagine if willow won in the bg while the camera was on jade we gettin pins here nooo... back to back triple pins on willow noooooooo

thunder rosa toni storm backstage promo oh theyre doing the title match with yamashita so soon japanese :O britt baker appears

HANGMAN JOHN SILVER TAG TEAM VS BUTCHER AND BLADE ON FRIDAY??? ohhh!! dalton castle on the ROH ppv!!!!

lmfao why are they showing excalibur reading a promo-- camera guys whats goin on

its time for eddie vs jericho!!! BARBED WIRE **EVERYWHERE** lmfao the MICROPHONE daniel garcia slappin everyones asses on the way into the cage here comes out painmaker jericho! huh. a mask huh. ive never seen painmaker jericho in a match oh i think you missed a spot there mr jericho eddie!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHH ok jim ross has been kinda eh this match but i laughed at "once they lose their blood they wont be able to recover it" so that makes him being there worth it BARBED WIRE RING BELL the person who is in charge of camera cuts today is making me go apoplectic ouhghhhh barbed wire... brutal... noooo!! tay conti!!! aughhhh WHAT THE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANNA JAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uhghhHHHHHHHHHHHH >:(((((((((((((((((( imagine so many crossed arms emojis right here SAMMY TOO????? listen if eddie loses this i will be SO MAD oh hey guess what

i'm mad

oh well i guess at least eddie got to throw jericho into the Barbed Wire Square at the end there...

[mvssmallow]

Re: For Real - Bobby's rap goes: "You so sexy / You so wild / Drives me crazy / Hot body / God dang right / We one of a kind / Like Bonnie And Clyde / We ride or die / Uh, next to you, hell is like a hot tub / Turn back time to my teen years / You know, I like it like that / Wine up baby"

Oh it is really real. I can't even remember the rap I wrote in that CWAC chapter but it was something like this wasn't it? Haha. So funny and amusing!

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzel’s Return Part 2

Continuing on from part 1 - 

https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/635068926214258688/tangled-salt-marathon-rapunzels-return-part-1

Summary: When Rapunzel tries to defeat the Saporians by herself she gets captured; but once Varian realizes that the Separatists plan on using one of his potions' destructive properties to destroy Corona, he and Rapunzel work together to stop it.

Let’s Talk About What a Let Down the Sapiorans Are

Throughout seasons one and two the Sapiorans were built up to be this intriguing race of people with a complex past and real problems that are sadly relatable to this day. They had a history, goal, motives, and special abilities like magic.  

Yet all we got was a really bad hipster parody. 

Heck, the crew can’t even keep it’s stereotypes right because they mostly slide into hippy territory instead. Hipsters, Yuppies, and Hippies are three distinctive counter culture movements for three different generations with completely different social concerns and fads. 

Basically Chris tried to “stick it to the kids” again and just wound up insulting his parents' generation instead because he’s that oblivious of other human beings.

And that’s not even taking into account that previously the Sapiorans were living on the run as nomads in caravans not dissimilar to common Romani stereotypes, so the show is once again making negative racial connotations due to thoughtlessness.

Why Do You Have a Secret Underground Room Hidden Behind Your Workshop Xavier?

Like that not a thing normal people happen to have lying around there workspace. We still are given zero explanation for why Xavier has all this plot convenient knowledge and rare unordinary plot useful stuff. 

Given his previous connection to Saporia and Zhan Tiri wouldn’t it not have made more sense to reveal that he is an actual plot important character in season three rather than keep him as just the exposition fairy? 

So Was This Before or After the Saporian Take Over? Cause Either Answer Makes This a Dumb Plan.

Why would the guards, especially Cap, just give up? Did they even bother fighting and then lost to Varian’s weapons or were they told to stand down by a brainwashed Frederic? If they knew something was wrong then why not stay and help? What makes them think they even could find Rapunzel given how no one knew where she was heading and her letters were infrequent? What difference would they think finding Rapunzel would do? 

Basically, just like with the “former cellmate” line, we needed to actually set up and establish this conflict rather than relying solely on exposition dumps. Because what we get here doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It goes against established character and leaves a lot of unanswered plot holes. 

More Promotion of Authoritarianism From the Show

Remember that these are the same people who formed a lynch mob to hunt down a fourteen year old all because the king told them to. The same king who had been lying to them for years and placed their lives and homes in danger for months. The same king who persecuted the poor and orphans for years. Him suddenly sending townsfolk to the mines isn’t anything new, so what are these people’s breaking points? Anyone else would have revolted by now.  

But noooo, they need Rapunzel to do it for them. Cause Rapunzel is royalty and they can’t do anything without royal permission because they’re sheep. Sheep that’s been subjugated for years and conditioned to be afraid of their “beloved ruler”. 

I understand from a meta point of view why you would want your main character to take charge but...

Like this isn’t inspiring.

It’s disturbing. 

Why are we promoting blind loyalty to a person who’s not earned it just because they were born special? In a freakin’ kids show no less! 

Oh and still no one bothers to call out King Frederic’s abuses here, FYI. 

Take Note That Quirineon is Activated By Heat

This will be important later on in the review. 

He’s Already Built Grenades For You. Wouldn’t Those Be Better Because They’re Easier to Control?

He’s already built explosive chemicals for you. You just used them in part one of the episode. And it came in an easy to use form rather than an unstable, and untested, mess that could literally blow up in your faces since no one, not even Varian himself, knows how to control it yet. 

You Don’t Hammer Out a Cast Iron Pan

It’s literally in the word. To make a cast iron pan you pour the metal into a casted mold. You don't hammer it out like you would with a sword or something. And you can’t even go with the “rule of cool” here cause Rapunzel surrounded by molten metal and fire would have been far more impressive looking.  

Yes I’m being picky cause I’m stalling. I don’t care. This is just yet another instance of the crew not paying attention to details like they should. 

Behold The Final Time Eugene Will Ever Call Out Rapunzel’s BS

This is the last time Eugene will hold an honest discussion with Rapunzel like an equal to her. By the end of this episode he will have transitioned into full on doormat mode. 

Also burying negative feelings and not addressing issues is who Rapunzel is. She’s been pulling this shit since day one. It’s what causes 90% of the conflicts in the show. Have you not noticed Eugene?  

So This Episode Has Contradictory “Lessons��� 

The episode presents this idea that Rapunzel needs to open up to others and trust again after Cassandra’s betrayal. The problem is that the episode doesn’t follow through on that. It makes a knee-jerk decision to go with a “responsibility” lesson that wasn’t built up to instead at the last minute. 

More on this later.    

Varian Doesn’t Actually Interact With the Saporians at Any Point.

The only person Varian interacts with is Andrew. We have no concept of how he fits in with the rest of the group and what his dynamics are with them. What do they think of Varian? What does Varian think of them? The consequence to this is to further divorce Varian from narrative, even though this is supposed to be his redemption episode. 

As I said in the last part, you can easily write Varian out of this episode and nothing really changes plot wise. That’s bad writing. 

Also I was robbed of Khary Payton and Jeremy Jordan exchanging lines. I was this close to having audio material for my BH6 crossover, dang it! 

Behold The One Time the Black Lady Gets a Line!

I think her name is Juniper? 

You can tell it’s her because of the shadow on the wall.

Anyways they casted this part and only bothered to give the character a single line? What a waste! 

But this just goes back to the series' poor representation. The only WOC in the show are presented as “shifty” and untrustworthy, even when they are ultimately “good guys”. The majority of them are straight up villains tho, and even as antagonists they’re not afforded any real screen time. 

And the only other outright black women on the show is the inventor lady who was given zero respect and the ghost of a barbarian. 

Once again, I don’t think the crew are intentionally racist. I think they’re just sloppy. They wanted to be more inclusive but they failed to actually give voice to minorities behind the scenes and so failed in representing them well. This is a problem with the industry as a whole, not just this one show, and must be talked about as such if we wish to change things for the better. 

None of this “Stuff” Holds Any Real Meaning

We get several callbacks to season one through Cassandra’s personal things that she left behind, but none of this stuff holds any real personal meaning. It’s just there. They wind up triggering these big emotional reactions from both Rapunzel and Cassandra but the audience is just left confused because what they’re crying over are things that have little significance to these characters. Even this line from season one is just dripping with sarcasm and not some pleasant past memory that either Cass or Raps holds dear to their hearts. 

Way To Go, Dumbass

It’s not that she went alone, or that she broke down when it finally hit her that Cass left, that I’m making fun off. The episode already addresses those two points. 

No, what ticks me off is that Rapunzel has taken down killer robots, ghosts, and monsters before now with her magical hair but a handful of regular dudes can just bring her down? I don’t care how much alchemy they got. Depowering your main character for no stated reason just for narrative convenience is poor writing. 

Because If He Didn’t He Would Have DIED, Rapunzel!!!

He literally would have freakin died had he not done something! He was left inside a jail cell to rot away! Before that he was threatened with hangman’s noose! Before that violence from an angry crowd! Before that he was left alone to starve and/or die from exposure! There was no way out for him except to fight! 

And here you are inside the very prison that you kept him in and you still don't have the fucking self awareness to put two and two together! 

This Right Here the Assassination of Rapunzel’s Character and the Killing Blow to the Series

Yeah, and what about after the storm? Hun, bitch!?

We’ve spent two damn seasons watching Rapunzel stepping on people and making excuses for herself and the one time when she should realize her actions are wrong and finally own up to her behavior and she still does not fucking change.

This is supposed to be a coming of age story! That means the main character is supposed to grow and learn shit! But when it matters most, Rapunzel only digs in her heels and refuses to change! 

Why should I care about this character anymore if she’s just going to keep on being selfish no matter what? Why should I bother watching the show if it fails to deliver on its premise? How is this in any way shape or form an appropriate message for children!? 

If you’re watching the series for the first time, then it’ll take awhile to register just how awful this scene is and how it really is the beginning of the end, because they did have time to turn things around after this. But they didn’t, and here we are. 

This Isn’t a Real Apology

It’s not a real apology if all you do is make excuses for yourself. Rapunzel doesn’t address what she actually did wrong here and it has nothing to do with her stupid promise. 

She neglected and enabled the abuse of a child for a year and three months, and she’s not even sorry for it! 

You Were Never a “Friend” Rapunzel

Friends, actually do shit together. They enjoy each other’s company. They care when the other is hurt or in trouble. 

Rapunzel only came to see Varian when she needed him for something. Even now, after this confrontation, that’s all she’ll ever do. She does not actually care about Varian, because the creators will not let her care. 

And Here Comes the Death of Varian’s Characterization

In order to make this stupid, forced, “redemption” work the writers had to do a complete 180 with Varian’s character and his motivations. Instead of freeing his father, seeking revenge, or just, you know, surviving, he now suddenly cares about “being friends” and “being accepted by people”, only he has no reason to want any of that! 

Rapunzel is a shit friend. Heck all the mains are crap friends to him. They ruined his life and the townspeople tried to kill him. Why would he want anything to do with any of these a-holes!? 

Varian doesn’t get assassinated in the same sense as Rapunzel and Cassandra do. He doesn’t suddenly become a hateable dumb douchebag or anything, but he nevertheless has his character retroactively sabotaged by the writing.  

Uh, Were You Not There When Your Dad Rounded Up a Lynch Mob Against Him, Raps?

I believe you were. Also Varian literally told you to your face that he had to go into hiding cause the townspeople were willing to attack him just because those rumors that you failed to stop and pretended not to know anything about. 

Just because the characters shout something repeatedly does not make it true. The audience isn’t dumb. They can remember what happened only two seasons ago. 

Where Was the Inciting Incident For This Change of Heart?

Why should he even want their forgiveness? Why has he given up on freeing his father? Why is he having second doubts about overthrowing the kingdom that persecuted him? 

If you’re going to drastically change a character’s motivations, goals, and moral alignment then you need to present an in story reason for that change. We don’t get that. There’s no inciting incident on screen for us to see the shift in his character development. 

The audience is left to only infer, and that’s poor writing. The audience shouldn’t have to do the work of the writers for them.  Characters’ motivations and goals  should not be guess work. 

The only thing we can glean from this is that he had a change of heart while in prison and that’s a horrifying thing for the show to suggest. That’s basically justifying Frederic’s abuse. It also recontextualizes Varian’s arc into one of submission to his abusers and not one of learning to do the right thing simply because it’s right. 

Once Again, Were You Not There For Season One Rapunzel?

They had a year and three damn months of chances. These people actively tried to do him harm just for simply seeking help. He has no reason to trust them nor you. 

Why Are We Shoulding All of the Blame Onto the Abused Child?

Yes, he did do all of those things, technically, but they’re being presented here without context.

The Queen enabled his abuser who was threatening his life and destroyed his home. He kidnapped her as a last restore when all other methods to get out of his desperate situation failed. 

The princess he threatened neglected him for three months and repeatedly refused to help him, even throwing him out into a deadly snow storm. Despite him being her responsibility, thereby making her neglect a flat out abuse of power.  

He would have died a slow and painful death in prison had he not helped to overthrow the kingdom that persecuted him. 

I’m not going to pretend that what Varian did was right or that he shouldn’t feel sorry for what he did, but this is a highly skewed version of events that are being recounted here just to create bias in the viewers. It’s manipulative writing intended to gaslight the audience. 

Also, why does he even want a second chance!?   

Doesn’t This Undermine The Saporian’s Goals?

The Saporians wanted to reclaim their ancestral homeland so that they would no longer be a displaced people. How does blowing up that homeland help them? 

Season three just throws all logic out the window. There’s barely a single villain who doesn’t undermine their own goals at some point with their stupid actions. 

So Why Varian and Andrew Not Some Other Team Up?

Out of all of the various recurring baddies in the show Varian and Andrew have the least in common. I’m not saying that they couldn’t work together, but doing so required more set up than this. Because as is, this is a very contrived teamup. 

They have diametrically opposed goals and moral alignments. Varian doesn’t bring anything to the table that the Saporaions couldn’t have supplied themselves. Meanwhile the Saporians have failed to offer Varian anything that he could want. 

At best it’s a marriage of convenience for them to both break out of prison together, but even that is contrived because we don't know why neither of them were sent away on the prison barge with the rest of the season one villians.  

Better combinations would have been 

Varian & Lady Caine

Andrew & Lady Caine 

Varian & Cass

Andrew & Cass 

Varian & Zhan Tiri

Andrew & Zhan Tiri

Varian & Hector

The Baron & Varian

Andrew & Staylan 

King Trevor & Varian 

Like there were tons of options here that the writers just ignored, even though any of them would have made more sense than the one they went with.  

The Andrew and Varian Dynamic Can Be Seen as an Allegory for Grooming; Unfortunately the Writers Didn’t Consider That Implication.

Yeah... That’s pretty much what Andrew has done here. He’s groomed this desperate and lonely teen to become a child soldier for him. And one only can only pray that’s all he tried to groom him to do since they were trapped inside a confined and enclosed space together for several months. 

Listen, I don’t mind children’s shows touching upon darker subjects. Often fantasy is a good way for people to process complex themes and uncomfortable real world situations through the safety of fiction. It can even be helpful for those who have had the misfortune to experience certain traumas. 

I’m not complaining that TTS is too dark. 

I’m complaining about it being shit. 

All of the crap Varian goes through is just thrown in there for shock value. It’s not here to commentate on the real world nor provide a complex story. The situations are brought only to then be outright ignored. This isn’t thoughtful nor deep. It’s not meaningful nor heartfelt. It’s just hollow drama done in bad taste. 

You’re Not In a Position to Judge Rapunzel 

You got captured first because you decided to throw yourself a pity party. 

Would He Though?

I’m pretty sure Quirin is very well aware of how shitty Frederic is. If anything I would think he’d be pissed that his son, that he tried so hard to protect, was mistreated in such a hordenous way. 

This isn’t some satisfying ending to Varian’s arc. It’s a heartbreaking revelation that he’s been beaten down by his abusers.  

Varian’s Arc Isn’t Actually About Validation, and Rapunzel Giving It Here Doesn’t Really Change Anything 

I spoke about this before on its own, but Tangled the Series places far too much stock in validation. Yes, it’s an aspect of his character arc, but it’s not the end all and be all of his motivation. It’s not the force that drives him to do what he does. 

His primary goal is survival, both for himself and for his father. His secondary goal is gaining his father’s approval, but that’s not because he’s seeking generic praise, it’s because his father is emotionally distant. The “validation” is a mask for the real issues which are to fix his relationship with his dad and avoid the guilt of having possibly killed him in an accident. 

Rapunzel has fuck all to do with that. 

He doesn’t need to hear approval from her. He needs her to get her shit together and help him! 

Rapunzel’s and Varian’s Situations Are Nothing Alike and Rapunzel Doesn’t Know Jackshit

Rapunzel you were dumped by your bestie because you’re a shitty friend. 

Varian was neglected and abused by those who were supposed to take care of him. 

Unless you’re drawing parallels to how Frederic and Gothel treated you, and even then neither of them denied you basic fucking needs! 

This should be an “Oh Shit! I’ve become just like Mother Gothel” moment for Rapunzel, not an “Oh yay! Someone to share in my personal misery” moment. 

Man, Rapunzel suuuuuucks! 

Also This Still Isn’t An Actual Apology

Once again, Rapunzel is not admitting what she did wrong here. She’s not actually acknowledging Varian’s pain, nor what she needs to do to make admins with him. 

What she’s doing is making things all about herself again. She’s talking about her feelings. About what she is facing. Rapunzel is an incredibly selfish and egotistical person and the show is trying to present this as a positive thing by rewarding her for such behavior. 

Varian’s Redemption Should Have Nothing to Do with “Friendship”

Varian has no reason to want to become friends again with the woman who ruined his life and abused him. 

But more than that, redemption shouldn’t be dependent upon Rapunzel’s friendship, nor even her ‘forgiveness”. Varian should be able to do the right thing just because it’s the right thing, Rapunzel be damned. 

This cheepens not only his character development but also Rapunzel’s development as well. Rapunzel is not allowed to grow as a person and accept that not everyone wants to be her friend, and that people may have valid reasons to hate her even, and that doesn’t make them evil. 

It also rushes through Varian’s arc undermining what the audience had to get through to get to this point.  

OK, Let’s Talk About The Goatee

I wouldn’t have minded the beard had it just not looked like a fucking barcode. There’s production art where it looks fine. But just wiping it away ties back to what I was talking about in part one. It’s denying Varian the chance to grow up. This is supposed to be his coming of age story as well but the crew won't let him do that because “rule of funny” apparently overrides what the characters actually need in order to develop.  

Once again, the show isn’t a sitcom. You can have comedic moments but the comedy doesn’t need to outright undermine the drama. 

Once Again, Shouldn’t Eugene Be the First Person to Jump to Varian’s Defence?

You mean the orphan on the streets who stole stuff and fought to survive when the adults failed to take care of him? Is that what you’re talking about Eugene? Cause if I remember correctly that was you not just three years ago. 

You Mean Rapunzel Needs Him To Make Her Feel Better About Herself

Spoiler alert, but Varian doesn’t actually do anything after this point in the episode. His entire “redemption” is just about making Rapunzel feel better about herself after Cass has rejected her. He’s literally become the rebound. 

How Come Varian Suddenly Became Shorter Just for This Shot?

I know the meta reason is to reflect that scene back in Queen for a Day when Rapunzel promised him that she'd help him before everything went tits up. Where he was also drawn shorter in that episode to make him seem more verunable, but here he’s just suddenly shorter for only two shots and then suddenly back to his usual height. 

Crap like this is why I insist that Varian didn’t actually get any taller in season three. The show just has always been inconsistent with his height and most of the “evidence” for his growth are cherry picked instances where the show drew him smaller than usual for reasons, like here.   

So Where Did They Get That Much of the Explosives and How Did They Get Them So Fast?

Only Varian knows how to manufacture that stuff. Why would he make that much of it if he was still in the experimental phase with it? He’s even surprised that they have so much, so where did they get it? If they made it then, how did they make it so fast? 

So This Plan Goes Nowhere

Spoiler alert: Varian doesn’t actually get to do any of that. In fact he’s kind of pointless for the rest of the episode. 

Why Would the King and Queen Care About a City That They Can’t Remember?

Like this revenge doesn’t make sense. It’s just a contrived way to get Eugene and Lance out of the way.

If the Quirineon Explodes From Being Exposed to Heat Then What Good Does Just Dropping It Do?

Yeah, remember? The stuff explodes when heated. Simply dropping it shouldn’t do anything other than make a mess on the ground maybe. 

All That Build Up and Varian Still Doesn’t Get to Do Anything Useful

Up till this point, Varian was shown to be the most competent threat in the show. Yet here they have him be a screw up twice in a row just for comedy antics and to glorify Rapunzel again. 

If you got to nerf other characters just to make your main look good then you’ve failed to establish your main character as being capable in their own right. 

Remember That This Boy Was Trapped in a Jail Cell With This Guy for a Year!

No, I’ll never be over this.

Andrew is the most directly violent and scummy out of all of the villians in the show. 

If he’s willing to do this now, if he was willing to do this to his ex-girlfriend, then what the heck was he willing to do when he and Varian were trapped alone together? 

So Andrew Just Willingly Sacrifices His Own People Here....Even Though His Goal Was to Give His People a New Home....

People need to use this gif more often when concerning this show and the villains’ ass-backwards plans.

And yes they survive because of Varian alchemy. But that was on accident. Andrew had no way of knowing that would happen. He’s willing to destroy his own people just to blow up his ancestral homeland and for what!? What does he gain from this action?  

The Mind Wipe Kills Frederic’s and Arianna’s Characters; Littraly

Frederic and Arianna are effectively dead at this point. Anything that made them, well them, has been wiped away. Their personalities, hopes, dreams, their on going stories and development, just gone. And we never get them back, even when their memories supposedly return. 

Varian’s Not Even Allowed to Get the Idea On How to Save Corona...In His Own Redemption Episode No Less

This is his episode! We’ve spent two years building up to this point and you can’t even let him help? He’s denied the chance to make up for his own mistakes! Just so Rapunzel can play hero and be a very shallow representation of what a bunch of men think a “strong” woman should be! 

It’s fucking insulting. That’s what it is. 

Making a female character the center of the universe to the point where other people are just props for her is not empowering! 

No It’s Not!!

Uh you wouldn’t even be here had you just fucking helped Varian to being with you dumb bitch! This is very much you and your father’s mess! 

Even now, while pretending to be responsible, Rapunzel can’t actually be responsible and own up to what she did! 

She’s fucking 20 and the 16 year old shows more maturity than her! 

Also Your Hair Can Protect Two People at Once Rapunzel; Remember?

There’s no excuse for leaving Varian out of the action. We’ve been shown multiple times now that Rapunzel’s magic hair can protect her and other people at the same time. 

Having Rapunzel Save the Day By Herself Undermines Everything the Episode Was Trying to Establish

What happened to needing to “trust again” and letting other people help you? Having Rapunzel save the day alone just tosses out the lesson that the show was trying to build up to. 

The show tries to frame this as Rapunzel learning “responsibility” but that also does not work. For one it was never established that she needed to learn that within the episode itself and secondly, she doesn’t actually do anything different from what she usually does. 

Being an action hero isn’t the same thing as being responsible. Being responsible is being considerate of others, doing the borning shit or mundane crap that you hate, and being mature enough to recognize your own failings and admitting when you were wrong. 

So in the end Rapunzel is neither responsible nor more open to others. 

And There’s the Death of Eugene’s Character

Lance, who has maybe exchanged all of three sentences with Raps, is more distrught than the guy that supposedly wants to marry her. This isn’t heartwarming, nor it is growth. It’s just lobotomizing a character right in front of our eyes. 

In this very episode he was worried about Raps going to face the Saporians by herself and was, guess what, fucking right to do so. But he doesn’t give two shits if she gets blown up!? 

Ooookaaaay.....

This is the completion of turning Eugene into a doormat. From now own he shan’t be allowed to have any thoughts or feelings of his own that disagrees with Rapunzel. 

The Eugene we knew is now dead. 

But Of Course the Show Rewards Everyone for Behaving In the Dumbest Way Possible Anyways

Don’t expect any of these grossly out of character moments and oxygen deprived logic to be addressed nor fixed within the show. The series will keep on shoving unearned endings into our facing while insisting that this is positive development. 

How Did Y’all Get Here Before Varian?

Yes, he was left on a roof, but he can climb and y’all were outside of the city. 

Yeah... A Year and Half Fucking Later!

Ok, a year and three months, but that’s still not any better. Worse, all this implies is that Rapunzel would not have ever concerned herself with trying to free Quirin had Varian not broken out of prison. She would have literally left them both for dead and we’re supposed to find her suddenly doing the bare fucking minimum heartwarming and inspiring?

Where Was the Inciting Incident to Use the Decay Incantation for This? 

How did Rapunzel come up with this plan? When did she come up with it? 

When the hurt incantation was first found no one mentioned how it could be used to save Quirin. No one even gave Quirin a thought. Since then the incarnation hasn’t been brought back up, ever. This is a pretty big leap in logic for Rapunzel to suddenly think of this. 

All it highlights how Varian was originally meant to be there to translate the scrolls and incantations in order to establish all this but of course it got cut so now it just comes the fuck out of nowhere. 

Not Letting Varian Have Anything to Do With Saving His Father Is Even Worse Than Not Letting Him Save the Day

This has been his motivation since the beginning. It’s been the driving plot for a season, and now that the time has finally come what does get to do? 

Hold a dang bucket. 

Part of coming up with satisfying endings is following through on what you’ve established. The audience needs closure. Simply freeing Quirin isn’t enough, we need the carthartis of Varian specifically fulfilling his goal. 

I don’t know how to break this to you Chris, but this isn’t Rapunzel’s story. Not this segment of it anyways. It’s Varian’s and it just so happens to connect to Rapunzel’s. She shouldn’t have been center stage for this. 

The Series Blows It’s Load Too Early with the Incantations

This is the last time we’ll hear any of the incantations sung on screen, cause someone in budgeting didn’t know what was important to throw the money at and what was not. 

It’s not bad here, but if we could only hear one incantation only once this season it needed to be in the finale with the final heal incantation. 

Varian Was Right All Along

Also, all this does is justify Varian’s actions in season one. Rapunzel was indeed the only one who could free his dad according to this. For a series that desperately wants to shove all of the blame onto an abused child’s shoulders they sure go out their way to prove him right. 

So How Is the Hurt Incantation Suppose to Work?

There were so many fan theories after this scene because Varian and Quirin don’t respond to the hurt incantation the same way previous characters had. 

No one is gasping for breath, Varian can touch Raps without burning his hands, and Rapunzel can control the direction of her power. ect. 

Turns out there was nothing there, the writers just didn’t know what the fuck they were doing and made the hurt incantation very inconsistent just like all of the magic in this show. 

BULLSHIT!!!

You literally turn into a villain because she gave up on you!!!!

She also didn’t give two shits about you throughout the entirety of season two. 

Why are we just pretending like season one didn’t exist!? 

Why!?

The Note!!!

No It Fucking Didn’t!

Does That Look Like “I’m Proud of You Son” To You?

Chris went on to confirm that, yes, the note did hold more information that then got cut. Pretty much confirming all that we suspected. That Varian was cut from season two and his story hastily shoved back into season three at the last minute. 

Below is the link to the tumblr post he made.

https://cnotes.tumblr.com/post/190534585146/apparently-one-of-the-writers-said-a-while-back

What’s worse is that his defense is such bullshit. The below exchange pretty much sums it all up.

This Doesn’t Actually Resolve Anything and Is Therefore Unsatisfying to Watch

Part of the reason why this conclusion doesn’t work is because it doesn’t actually address any of the problems that they have in their relationship. Quirin never owns up to what he did wrong. There’s no discussion of what Varian was up to while he was entrapped, no conversation about what secrets Quirin hid from his son, and zero admission of wrongdoing on either side.   

Also Varian has done nothing significant to earn those particular words. Saying I love makes sense, but in context saying “I’m proud of you” does not. It doesn’t even work on a meta level cause the episode prevented Varioan from accomplishing anything. 

It’s empty. 

There Could Have Been More Screen Time to Fix This If Not for Season Two Mucking About

https://discord.com/channels/427940661589704715/569296212218347522/777635115978457098

Above is the link to the original storyboards. It doesn’t fix everything but there’s a lot more satisfying emotional beats including adding Ruddiger back in who is suspiciously absent for the entire episode for no stated reason. 

This version was cut due to time. Which, like with the Crossing the Line song, didn’t need to be had they been more effective with their usage of time in season two. 

They also could have had a better conclusion to Varian’s arc in general had he not been cut from season two altogether. 

So What Does Freeing Quirin Add to the Series?

I’m serious. What does freeing Quirin at this point and time do for the story?

It doesn’t add any character development, Quirin just wanders around aimlessly in the background until the finale and even then his part in that is a pointless dead end. Varian doesn’t gain his emotional closure, just empty, hollow “praise”. Nor is he allowed to accomplish any of his established goals. No new lore or history is exposed. No mystery uncovered. 

There’s no reason why this couldn’t have been done later in the season. Provide more tension and keep up the consequences of the characters actions. Give the mains something to do and work on until Cass and Zhan Tiri show up again.  

The only reason why this is here is to wrap Varian’s story up as soon as possible so he won’t “steal Cassandra’s spotlight”. That’s it. He’s rewarded for conforming to Rapunzel’s will and all the fans should shut up and be grateful, at least according to Chris.

I Like This Song But It Wasn’t Needed

It doesn’t add anything to the story. It’s just a generic celebration song. Which would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that we have a limited number of songs, even less than in previous seasons, and the story isn’t over yet. This is the wrong place to put a victory song at. 

Especially when we could have had a song that furthered Varian’s redemption instead.  Yeah, that was cut too. 

So Is Varian the New “Lance” This Season?

He’s right there! This is his dang focus episode! 

Why hire Broadway singers and not let them sing!? Why waste talent and money like that? 

Also These Lyrics!

Did Glenn Slater just not read the scripts before writing the songs? That’s all season three ever does! Give the mains what they want without earning it. Even in this very episode!

So Is This Rapunzel’s 20th Birthday or Not?

Ok I have gotten into many a heated debate about how long season three is supposed to be. And that’s because what the crew says doesn’t match what the series shows us. 

By all accounts this should be Rapunzel’s birthday. According to season two she’s been gone for one year, and there’s the lanterns that they fly specifically on her birthday. 

But no one verbally says it’s her birthday and I’ve heard conflicting accounts from different members of the crew. Some stating that it is her 20th birthday and some disagreeing that it is. 

Well I’ll take what evidence that the show actually presents to its audience on screen over what the cast and crew says after the fact any day of the week, so I’ll be gathering up this evidence and proving by the end that season three is two years not one. 

But the fact that I must comb through series to prove this, the fact that we can even have this debate, and the fact that the crew have to state basic info after the series is over is just proof of the bad writing. 

Fun Fact: Cupcakes Weren’t Invented Until the 20th Century

Yeah, that’s the fault of the OG film, and yeah it doesn’t really mean much, but still it’s one more thing to add to the pile of stuff that doesn’t fit. 

Plus I’m just a hardcore nerd for historical cooking and I like to share my knowledge.  

Yeah But How Can He Trust All of You Again?

You’re the ones who let him down first; repeatedly. And you only started to make things up to him once he became useful to you. What assurance does he have that you won’t mistreat him again next time he’s in trouble or is no longer of any use to y’all? 

Yes, Let NOT Show What the Main Character Is Actually Going Through

Yup, this is “Rapunzel’s show” but we’re not going to let Rapunzel have any focus on her feelings or give any insight into her thought process about what is the main conflict of the series now.

Conclusion

Ducktales was robbed! 

I can’t believe this shit won an Emmy for “best writing.” It utterly fails on every possible level. It fails to be a continuation of the ongoing story and it fails to be a stand alone episode. Even the very structure of the story is fundamentally flawed. The only reason why it’s not the worst episode of the entire series because the finale and the penultimate episodes exist. 

Anyways...I finally made it through. It literally took my entire weekend but I’m finally caught up. Next week I’ll be going back to the usual one episode a week schedule. 

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Vaunna my beloved ❤

After your amazing Wels and Hels armorstand scene on my server could I get Wels and Hels story? Please? 👉👈

Oca my beloved ❤️

This is genuinely one of my favourite oneshots I’ve written. I just love the Wels/Hels dynamic so much. 

Also this is technically a sequel to the last one I wrote so go read it here if you like! This one does make sense without it tho

...

  It’s been a few weeks since the server has seen an evil hermit incident, and even though most of the hermits have let down their guard, Welsknight hasn’t. He hasn’t stopped being vigilant since his last encounter with Helsknight. He knows that his evil counterpart is out there somewhere, waiting for another chance to kill him. 

  Wels knows he can’t give him that chance. 

  One morning, while out in the desert, grinding for sand, Wels keeps spotting movement out the corner of his eye but every time he looks, he sees nothing. At first, he thinks it’s just the desert playing tricks on his mind. But his knight training tells him not to be so quick to jump to conclusions. 

  Eventually, he decides to put most of his stuff in a chest and go have a look, just in case. He leaves his valuables in the chest and explores the immediate area, looking carefully for any threats.

  He hears the sound behind him and twists to the side, a split second before a figure appears out of nowhere and attempts to shove him to the ground. 

  Wels jumps back a few steps and raises his diamond pickaxe, realising too late he accidentally brought it instead of his sword. “Helsknight.”

  His evil counterpart grins. “Hey, Welsy. Your face is looking great.”

  Wels’s hand automatically rises to his cheek, where the burn scar from their last encounter still sits. “Thanks. What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here for you, of course. It’s time we have another little battle, don’t you think?”

  Normally, Wels wouldn’t hesitate to stay and fight. But he doesn’t have a real weapon and his inventory is practically empty. 

  So he bolts back towards his chest, intending to grab his sword for a proper battle. But then he realises he may be running directly into a trap, so he changes direction.

  However, at that moment, the ground under his feet gives way, sending him tumbling down into the hole below.

  His fall seems to last only a few seconds but it must be far; when he hits the ground, pain explodes through his whole body. He’s fallen very far. 

  A second after he lands, he hears a splash from nearby and glances up. With the sunlight streaming through the hole, he can see a figure emerging from a single source block of water to his left. His heart skips a beat. 

  “You idiot!” Hels snaps, tossing the bucket at the wall. “You triggered the trap too soon! I wasn’t out of the way yet!”

  “Oh, I’m sorry!” Wels’s voice is strained from pain but his anger is unmistakable. “You’re right; I should have been able to avoid the secret trap you set up for me. Dang it. But hey, at least I’m not now stuck in a hole in terrible pain with next to no resources! That sure wouldn’t be ideal!”

  Hels glares at him. “Quit it with the sarcasm. This is all your fault.”

  Wels feels indignance boil inside him but he forces himself not to rise to the bait. His rational mind knows there’s no point arguing with Hels. “Whatever. I’m gonna see if my friends will come save me.”

  He taps out a message to the server asking for help, and within a minute, he gets replies from both Etho and Joe.

  “They’re on their way,” he says. “You may as well relax, cuz we’re not going anywhere ‘til then.”

  Hels huffs and sits down a few blocks away from Wels, crossing his arms irritably. 

  They sit in silence for a long time. The sun crosses the sky above them, marking the end of the morning and the start of the afternoon. 

  After a while, Wels decides to try and be practical. He checks his inventory; all he has on him is his diamond pickaxe, sixteen obsidian, a flint and steel, a single piece of bread, and some seeds. Nothing particularly useful. There aren’t enough blocks to pillar out, and Wels can hardly move while sitting, let alone standing, anyway. He could make a nether portal, but what would be the point? There’s no way he can survive better in the nether than in this pit right now. 

  He glances up. “Hels, do you have-.”

  “I don’t have anything on me, useful or otherwise,” says Hels immediately.

  Wels knows this means he doesn’t have food on him either. He can tell from the pouty expression on Hels’s face that his counterpart is hungry. Even though Wels’s hunger was reduced somewhat by the fall, he decides to be the bigger person. 

 He breaks his loaf of bread in half and offers the bigger part to Hels, who eyes him suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

  Frowning confusedly, Wels replies, “Giving you some bread.”

  “Why?”

  “...because we both need food?”

  “Yeah, so why don’t you just eat it all? You’ll be fuller.”

  “But you won’t have any.” Wels shakes his hand. “Just take it.” 

  Hels continues to scowl at him. “Is it poisoned?”

  Sighing and rolling his eyes, Wels flicks the piece of bread into Hels’s lap and starts slowly eating his own. Out the corner of his eye, he watches Hels carefully inspect the bread before taking a hesitant bite. Finally satisfied that he isn’t being tricked, Hels starts to gobble the bread.

  Wels watches him curiously. “Why would I try to poison you, Hels?”

  Hels shrugs. “We’re enemies, isn’t that what we do? Try to kill each other?”

  “No,” Wels says. “That’s the way YOU see our relationship. I never wanted to be enemies with you, you know.”

  “Really? Wasn’t it you who started all this?”

  “No, you literally turned up out of the blue and dropped me in a hole one day. Then I destroyed you in a rap battle. Remember that?”

  “I remember the hole,” says Hels. “Don’t remember losing any rap battle.”

  “Uh huh.”

  The two fall into silence as they eat. Wels continues to watch Hels, who has already finished his half of the bread. 

  “Can I make an observation?” he asks after a few minutes.

  Hels huffs. “No but you’re gonna do it anyway.”

  “You’re not used to the concept of sharing, are you?”

  “Sharing?” Hels sits up straighter, a possessive look appearing in his eyes. “I don’t share anything! Nothing!”

  “That’s not what I meant,” says Wels. “I meant the concept of people voluntarily sharing things with you.” 

  Hels glares at him for a moment longer, before relaxing visibly. “No. Back in my dimension, it’s every person for themselves. You protect what you’ve got cuz if you don’t, you’re gonna lose it forever, so people hoard their stuff like it’s made of gold. I never got attached to anything cuz I knew it’d probably get snatched away from me sooner or later. I-.” He breaks off as he registers Wels’s expression. “Oh, don’t you dare pity me,” he growls. 

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes you are, you’re looking at me like I’m an abandoned baby dog or something.”

  Wels raises an eyebrow. “Baby dog? You mean a puppy?”

  “Shut up!” Hels growls again and huffily turns away from his counterpart. “I’m not a stupid puppy for you to adopt and train! If I get the opportunity, I WILL kill you. I would gladly leave you here to rot if it meant I could get outta this stupid hole. In fact, the only reason I’m not beating you to death right now is because you’re my best chance of getting out of here alive.”

  A pause follows his words. 

  Eventually, Wels sighs. “Sometimes, it’s so easy to see that you’re all the worst parts of me combined.”

  To his surprise, Hels doesn’t respond. His arms are folded but Wels can’t see his expression, can’t see that his counterpart’s eyes are misted over. 

  Hels is frustrated with himself; Wels has insulted him many times since their first meeting so why did that one little remark hurt him so much? Why has it brought him to tears like this? 

  Maybe it���s because Wels’s remark forced him to remember that he’s not his own person. He wasn’t born organically; he was brought into existence by a combination of Wels and a weird cloning machine. The nature of his “birth” means he isn’t a real person. He’s just a copy of Wels, made up of all the parts of himself that he hates.  

  Maybe that’s all he’ll ever be.

  A soft groan brings Hels out of his thoughts. He glances to the right and sees that Wels’s condition has deteriorated; his skin has rapidly paled and he’s clearly struggling to breathe. 

  As Hels watches, Wels reaches a shaking hand into his inventory and weakly throws an item to Hels, who catches it and turns it over. It’s a flint and steel. 

  Hels glances up in time to see Wels drop some obsidian down beside him as well. “Go, Hels,” he rasps. “Make a portal and go back to the nether.”

  Hels blinks, his mind racing as he tries to figure out the catch. “What are you doing? Why did you give me this?”

  “So you can escape. My friends are coming for me but I’ll probably die before they get here. If you’re still here when they arrive, there’s no telling what they’ll do to you. Just go while you still can.”

  After a moment, Hels narrows his eyes. “Are you tricking me? What’s the catch?”

  “Nothing,” Wels insists weakly. “Just please, go, quickly.”

  “No, seriously. Why are you so insistent I leave?”

  “B-Because…” Wels hesitates, taking in a shaky breath. “Because it’s getting dark and the mobs will be coming soon and I don’t want you to die. If I die, I respawn. You don’t.”

  Hels stares at his counterpart in confusion. “You… don’t want me to die?”

  “Of course not. How many times do we have to-.”

  He breaks off as he tries to stifle a pained cry. The fall damage he took is starting to catch up with him now. 

  The groan of a zombie sounds from nearby. Hels’s eyes widen with fear.

  “Go, Hels!” Wels’s voice cracks. “Please!” 

  Looking deep into his counterpart’s eyes and finding nothing but fear and desperation in them, Hels turns and creates a portal on the very edge of the pit, lighting it up with the flint and steel. 

  He glances back at Wels one final time, before disappearing through the portal.

  Wels closes his eyes, breathing a shallow sigh. His counterpart should be safe; if he’s anything like Wels himself, he knows how to survive on his own. 

  As the mob sounds start to surround him, he feels a calm sense of relief. He knows he’ll respawn back in his bed, and at this moment, he doesn’t care that he’ll lose the items he has on him right now. He just wants the pain to end. 

…

  Hidden safely in the nether, Hels clutches the flint and steel his counterpart gave him. He can’t stop staring at it; it represents the sacrifice Wels made for him. The first time anyone has been willing to lay down their own life for him. He can hardly believe it even happened at all; the concept of loving someone enough to want to protect them even at the cost of their own life is completely foreign. 

  As he’s puzzling this out, a message appears on the communicator he stole from Wels during their last confrontation. A message he knew deep down was coming, but one that still catches him off guard. 

Welsknight was slain by zombie