#real captain

[yellbug]

i am so absolutely utterly scared that my insane grandfather in his 80s who runs miles every morning is going to leave me a bird in his will and i am especially scared he is going to leave me a large cockatoo named "captain hook". hook has been trying to make me his child bride since i was like 6 years old and every time i see him again which has only been a couple times with decades in between hook is like "you. it's always been you. ever since you were born i've known we were meant to be" captain hook you are a bird and i am a LESBIAN and i don't WANT an eternal sentinel captain HOOK!!!!!!!

[baristabomb]

...weird amount of dunmeshi fans have been saying being a caretaker in a relationship is the worst thing ever..marcille must want to killl everyone soo bad because doing things for people suuuucks sooo muchh

it's an act of love, not just a job i promise. we all want someone who's willing to take care of us in some way, just like how senshi shows care for others by cooking for them :'|

[ghouljams]

Absolutely cannot have fresh shaved/waxed pussy around the 141 boys.

Soap will cry over it, mourning the loss of your bush and "talking his girl(your pussy) through the loss" ie fingering you until you're soaked and sore as punishment.

Price will make it his mission to give you beard burn, shaking his head like a damn dog while he's eating you out, scratching the hell out of your pussy and thighs with his beard. He's trying to bleach the damn thing you just know it.

Ghost is the worst. Taking the opportunity to leave his dental imprint in the soft flesh surrounding your clit. He's going to bite until you're sobbing just to see the dimpled marks he's left.

At least Gaz is sweet. Pressing little kisses over the newly shaved/waxed skin, giving your clit soft little licks and pulling back to rub his fingers against your clit with gentle praises. Until you realize he's been doing that for the last hour, giving you just enough to keep you making those nice breathy noises but never giving you more. Maybe you should try Soap again...

[chamomiletealeaf]

Thought of this at work today lmao

[venator-signum]

kamala khan would have the most horrendous ao3 author's notes known to man

"hey guys sorry the update is late i switched places with an avenger (ajdgrhsh literally crying) and a really cool space scientist lady and then got into a fight and some alien dudes wrecked my house and then I met Nick fury and I was literal space it was crazy and I had to help save the universe and saw said scientist lady give up her life to save all of us... anyways hope you like the new fic, branching out with an arranged marriage au for this one!!!"

[flukysims]

Polle says, "Giddy up, Galaxy!"🐴

[beebfreeb]

Pikmin comic

[itsatorchwoodthing]

how many times did jack go “and now the doctor is going to show up and save the earth like they always do” but they dont, they dont show up, no blue box, no screwdriver, nothing, and it gets worse, abbadon, no doctor, 456, no doctor, the miracle, no doctor, do they care? do they really love earth, humans, like they say they do? maybe they’re only capable of loving one at the time, show them the beauty of the universe, let them burn bright before they burn out, but do they really love humans like you do? did they spend the last 200 years protecting the human race? not really, not like you did. you spent every waking hour praying to them to show up, because they solve everything with grace and wit, and everytime you try to solve anything you end up covered in blood, you succeed but it’s always at a cost, and they’re nowhere to be seen. do they care? maybe not, but you do, and you’re going to do anything to save the planet you now call home. and it’s ironic, right? they put you in this position, do they know? you’re immortal and stuck there, forever. you’re a fixed point in time because you have to be there, it’s your job, it’s your duty, immortality is not a mistake, it cant be, it has to have a higher purpose, right? right. so you wake up every day, shakes off those feelings of ‘they’re gonna come, one day or another’ and get to work, because no, jack, they’re not gonna show up, you have to save the earth, you have to remember everything they taught you, roll up your sleeves and do it. do it messily, but do it. save the earth, cause they’re not gonna show up. you learned your lesson, you’re alone in this.

[secretly-a-trekkie]

just following orders p2

p1 here

HUD versions

[writingmonet]

⸻ Kix, Echo and Rex

[forsworned]

You know what would be absolutely hilarious? If Y/n was very androgynous-looking. Like maybe she has short cropped hair, doesn't speak much, wears no make up, mostly male clothing and binds her chest so that she doesn't have to worry about her boobs getting in the way? And she's still getting pretty acclimated to the team, but when they all wake up early on laundry day and everyone is gathering their clothes to put into the washer Johnny's dumb ass zones in on the pink frilly bra that somehow ends up in Simon's hamper.

"Oh, Simon, didn’t know ye liked keepin’ wee mementos!" He taunts holding the undergarment and obnoxiously raising his brows at him in a suggestive manner.

And so Kyle and Price join in on the teasing. Price whistles at Simon's disgruntled look.

"Never pegged you for a magpie, mate. A bra, really?" Kyle ribs.

"I’ll tell you what, Simon, if I were you, I’d keep that under wraps. Can’t be good for your street cred, mate." Price adds on, causing everyone to laugh. Everyone BUT Y/n who silently snatches the bra out of Johnny's hand and adds it to her hamper.

"Aw, come on! We’re just havin’ a bleedin’ laugh." Johnny pouts, as his eyes following her form to the laundry room just a few feet away.

But everyone's jaw (except for Simon's) literally drops as they watch her put all her girly, frilly panties into the washer. And it's just quiet for like a whole five minutes ESPECIALLY because Simon knows he's getting the last laugh. Unfortunately it's a bit at Y/n's expense, but she's also relishing in the fact that they all look like total idiots.

[ofswordsandpens]

adding to the "there should have been more genuine tension within the seven" train of thought, it would have been funny if the Argo II, technically being a ship, meant it fell under Percy's power domain and he could control it all at whim, rendering all the carefully crafted controls Leo built useless if Percy felt like being an asshole

[lxvvie]

Unlike the other men who'd text you back if you tell them you're leaving and want a divorce, Price won't respond. Oh, no, honey, that's not his style.

You think you're in the clear, crossing your t's, dotting your i's, and setting your new place up. You'd always love your Jack but it was time to move on, and move on you did.

It wasn't until you woke up one morning to the smell of—wait. Wait a fucking minute—what the fuck—who... who the fuck is in your kitchen?! And just like that, peace turned to fear and apprehension. You stumbled out of your bedroom to see Price cooking up your favorite breakfast. How did he—?

"Sit down, sweetheart." Your husband didn't turn away from the stove once.

You were too stunned to do anything else.

Price set breakfast out in front of you with your favorite drink in tow—just like you like it. You began to eat but everything felt heavy and it was hard to swallow.

And then Price lit a cigar, took a few puffs, looked at you, and smiled his disarmingly charming smile, cheeks big and everything.

"We need to talk, darling."

[levelofyoureye]

lmao so i was just going through my camera roll and clearing some photos out, when i stumbled across this screenshot i took in january of 2020 and…

i’m in shock. i literally don’t know how i forgot this happened, like i was actually astounded when i found this. NEVER forget when steve rogers’ ending was so horrifically out-of character that SEBASTIAN STAN HIMSELF posted a screenshot to instagram of a tweet dogging on his ending. it’s been years and i still haven’t forgiven marvel. i don’t think i ever will.

[hettolandija]

[vaguely-concerned]

sisko: *sigh* against my will and for complicated political reasons I am sent to save your sorry cardassian ass yet again. just get in the fucking car already pls

gul dukat: there's a hidden meaning in that! the usurper of terok nor obviously desires me carnally