#read it in my pinned post and come back tell me what you think👀

[orphiclovers]

So what I understand from reading your posts about the Yoo Mia SS is that YJH is a sopping pathetic wet cat that somehow manages to barely function for another week and honestly i live for this

Pretty much yeah you nailed it

[lightwise]

Okay, okay. I have thoughts (and feelings) on this latest episode of The Acolyte. (And no, this is not another post on Manny Jacinto’s arms…even though 👀😮‍💨🥵).

This is the first episode since the first one that I can unequivocally (except for one aspect) say that I really liked. Where has this level of dialogue and character insight been the entire show!?

Manny continues to take the starring role in the show as The Stranger. I’m seriously in awe of how compelling his performance is, how effortless he’s making it feel between all the switches of his personality—hungover, drifting bum, to terrifying dark side user with chilling morals, to a calm, quiet, perfectly in control man who knows who he is and what he wants, what he’s capable of, and what the emotions of those around him are.

He and Sol have switched places this episode just as much as Osha and Mae have. Sol is unsettled, anxious, lost in tortuous thoughts of the past. So much so that he doesn’t recognize that Mae has boarded the ship with him instead of Osha for (an agonizingly) long time. He starts to feel more like a villain when he finally figures out that Mae has tricked him, binds her, and then hovers over her menacingly after she wakes up. He’s becoming unhinged and going rogue, even making sure that they leave the planet and that Vernestra cannot track him because he wants to go retrieve Osha alone. Why? What is he hiding??

I’ll go ahead and do my quick gripe with the episode here. I like Amandla’s performance as Osha. I really can’t get into her performance for Mae. Osha feels transparent in her mental state and desires and motivations throughout the show. Mae is very difficult to get a read on, and I don’t mean that that is a bad thing when it comes to storytelling. I mean that it’s not working here. She’s gone back and forth like ten times in the last two episodes alone, wanting to compete her mission, then wanting to abandon it and turn herself into the Jedi so she can be with Osha, then fighting Jecki, then running from Qimir, then seemingly picking up the mission again so she can kill Sol, then not, then reprogramming her sister’s droid in a very callous manner, then somehow knowing enough about ships that she can work with the power systems (which is her sister’s area of expertise, not hers)….it just doesn’t work for me.

I also think that Sol took too long to recognize her. I’ll give him the getting onto the ship and trying to get a message out bc his emotions are a wreck. But he should have noticed after that. I also think Basil is completely unnecessary as a character. Sorry.

Anyway, back to Osha and Qimir. It’s a classic dark side seduction unfolding (I cracked up at the “if you’re not going to join me”), but Manny is oh so convincing about it. We know as the audience that everything he tells Osha is a half truth. It’s interesting to see how both the Jedi and the Sith in this show are kind of dealing with a half truth in how they are using the Force and teaching others. But it’s still very convincing, because he’s really not fueling it with overly grand promises or even his own ulterior motives, though he does have them. He’s simply telling Osha what his version of the truth is. What his experiences have been. And how he thinks they overlap with hers.

The dialogue is wonderful. A great example of how monologuing to give us info we don’t already have can actually work sometimes (looking at you, Ahsoka show). The line “why do you love people who can only go so far” was a standout for me. Again, not the accurate truth, but definitely a “from a certain point of view”. Sol also reiterates that Osha’s main characteristic has been love. So what is going to make her turn away from that? Anger? Feeling abandoned? Feeling guilty? Pinning an objectively hot Sith to a wall with his own lightsaber? SORRY. Sorry. 🤣🤣🤣. Really loved the “when you lose everything, that’s when you’re finally free” too, as well as “it’s just you and the Force. And what you bring with you.”

The fact that Qimir was a Jedi and might be much older than we expect is very interesting. I know very little about the Sith timeline from Legends, other than seeing names float about (Revan, Tenebrous, Plageous, etc). I’m interested to see which named Sith they might slot Qimir in with, or if they’re going to keep him completely separate from the main Sith line. He definitely does want to be a part of it though, given his “power of two” comment. A discarded apprentice who seeks his own apprentice to gain power, not unlike one fandom favorite Maul, perhaps?

I also liked Vernestra in this episode. I got a little better read on her character in a short time and loved seeing her speed in the Force using her light whip. It’s fascinating seeing her padawan be just as uptight and questioning as Jecki and Yord were…almost like this whole generation of padawans will grow up to be the masters who train the masters we see in TPM. What I would still like to understand better is why there seems to be such a split between the generations here. What outside or internal factors are influencing this? All they’ve shown is still is wanting to keep the senate and the council on good terms, but we don’t know why.

(Side note: Her Universe or someone definitely needs to make the open shoulder sweatshirt Osha was wearing.)

If the whole show had been like this I would appreciate it a lot. As is I think I’ll enjoy where they’re taking us but not necessarily how we got there. Hopefully the last two episodes will keep up the momentum.

[evvlevie]

hiii eviee!!! new anon and fellow virgo here!! 💕💕

first let me tell you i’ve been following for awhile now and you’re really so sweet and kind, you make my shifting journey feel less lonely (since i don’t really have shifting friends).

so as i said, i’m also a virgo so this whole thing of personally finding what works best for me in regards of shifting makes me feel really confused, like i want to follow some rules or instructions idk 😭

anyways, i've already read most of your pinned posts and i'm actually really excited about using loa to shift (i was recently thinking about manifesting entering the void and shift from there with loa, but i honestly don't know if i’m just complicating things😭). well, back to the point, is it okay if i record tapes myself with affirmations regarding shifting, void state, or both, and listen to them on loop when sleeping or doing my chores or simply in my free time?

ngl, since i got into the shifting community, back in 2022, i heard about the loa applied to shifting but i was always a little skeptical about it bc it was just hard to believe for me that just by using it i would shift suddenly (i’m just used to trust more in methodical tools like meditation or things like that haha).

any tips you think might be helpful for me? also, do you have some affirmations (or any affirmations post) that i can add to the tapes if i record them? :33

thank you so much in advance! take care of yourself and i’m hoping to give you a shifting success story soon (if i don’t end up permashifting haha) 💕💕

hello my dear virgo anon 👀

I totally feel you, when it comes to needing instructions!

This has been a problem for me too in the shifting and manifestations community as I always felt like I needed a clear recipe on what exactly to do in order to get results.

Here is the thing: You shift/manifest as soon as you "expect" a certain thing to happen. if you feel like meditation is the most logical method that could lead to success then obviously you subconsciously think that this method is going to guarantee the most success.

recording tapes with affirmations is actually a thing that many many people in the manifestation/shifting community do, and if you think they might work for you, then please go for it! ❤️

other than that I shifting doesn't necessarily need to happen through the void, I for example have manifested so much stuff in my life so far and I have never even come close to the void state. If you believe that this is something you need to do because it makes the most sense to you, then please keep going. Because trying stuff that goes against your instincts or feel counter intuitive will not bring you closer to your goals ❤️

As for instructions I can only tell you this:

Manifestation and shifting are the very same thing. If you can manifest something, then you can shift. Every single manifestation IS a shift in realities already. So you basically are already shifting all the time without doing any big methods in the first place. Keep that in mind.

and when it comes to manifestations there are only a few simple steps you need to enforce:

decide on your desire, and get specific about what it is you want (in this case: deciding you want to wake up in the void/in your DR)

understand that you control your realities. you are not victim to some higher power, you ARE the higher power. the only thing that has any say over what kind of 3D reality you are experiencing is you and your decisions.

persist through your methods.

the third step is basically every time you experience something in the 3D that contradicts what you manifested (like waking up in your CR for example) you don't get scared and demotivated, but you remind yourself of your power (step 2) until your manifestation sets in. In your case that might mean keep on listening to your tapes until you shift, or affirming that you are a master shifter etc etc. because the point is, that since only you have any say in which reality you wake up in, you are PROMISED to wake up in the one you chose sooner or later. There is literally no way around it, which is why sulking after waking up in your CR is useless, you are going to shift ANYWAY.

many people let the element of time influence their perspective. They think that if their manifestation hasn't come up after a week of affirming for example, that their manifestation has failed, or that manifesting isn't real. That literally isn't true. Time is an illusion. The only thing you only ever have is this exact moment. The past is gone and the future doesn't exist yet. The idea of time frames isn't applicable to manifestations since they don't line up perfectly and wait their turn to materialize. don't cling to a certain amount of time and decide that after to weeks of "trying" you are doing something wrong. You can't do anything wrong as long as you are reminding yourself that you are the decision maker in your physical world. 3 Weeks of no change is irrelevant because you know what you decided to happen, so you know it's going to happen regardless of what it is that you are seeing.

I really hope I could help you my dear ❤️

[roobylavender]

Trying to get into green lanterns lore other than the new ones (jo and tai) what would you recommend 👀

hal is the only one i feel well versed in and normally i'm a stickler for reading up on characters in chronological order but he's been so omnipresent and retconned to filth that it's quite hard to pin down a reading rec for him esp since so many people will tell you to start with the johns era (vomit) and go from there. me personally i would go about it like this:

green lantern/green arrow: this was my intro to hal as a character! he's well into his solo run by this point but it's a good litmus test for readers to gauge whether they'll actually be interested in him

showcase #22-24: his pre-solo origins **

green lantern vol. 2 #1-74: i haven't read his solo in ages so in terms of narrative importance i would simply say read the issues where carol and/or sinestro heavily feature otherwise feel free to skim or skip. the early 60s issues are really a hit or miss depending on the person but for me at least the halcarol interactions were the highlight as was seeing sinestro in his obsessive idiot loser phase

green lantern vol. 2 #76-124: the hard traveling heroes saga between hal and ollie, occasionally featuring barry, dinah, and carol. the first few issues make up green lantern/green arrow, but if you keep reading this arc you also get more introduction and exposure to john and guy

green lantern vol. 2 #125-200: post-hard traveling heroes era. this is more halcarol focused and starts to really delve into the issues that being a green lantern creates in hal's life but personally if you're overwhelmed by the number of issues i would once again focus on the issues featuring carol and skim or skip the other stuff. her predator era is crazy and one of the most fabulous arcs for a dc female love interest out there imho

green lanterns corps #201-224: i don't think you have to read this personally but if you want to get more conglomerate green lantern corps interactions you can (there is also tales of the green lanterns corps for that but it can be a hit or miss sometimes as well and is responsible for the hal and arisia relationship.. which.. well.. we don't talk about it)

green lantern vol. 3 #1-50: basically more buildup to hal's life steadily falling apart which obv leads him into his parallax era. there is also a brief carol predator era relapse that ends in some really great reflections of what makes the halcarol relationship so unique and tragic and ultimately defiant of hetero norms. and we get introduced to kyle! ***

zero hour #4-0: hal versus ollie aka the sound of my heart shattering into a million bajillion pieces

green lantern vol. 3 #0, 60-64, 100-106: hal still in his cuckoo bazonkers era as parallax aka teen wolf nogitsune voice YOU CAN'T KILL ME. he throws down with baby lantern kyle again (bless his heart). the last few issues are a mini arc where kyle has to tell hal from the past that his life is about to get really fucked up

parallax: emerald night, final night #4: hal's redemption and death

green lantern vol. 3 #81: hal's funeral

day of judgment: hal gets the chance to come back to "life" as the spectre aka one of the only good narrative decisions geobard jawnes has ever made. sick that he knew from the moment he wrote this that he was going to end it. i hate his guts

green lantern vol. 3 #119: hal frees carol of the star sapphire for good

the spectre vol. 4: hal's spectre era aka his sexiest era. a gazillion out of 10 stars for peak uncle interactions with helen and beautiful tender tragedy with halcarol (although i will complain it annoys me personally carol was so minimally included here when she had been such a big part of green lantern lore previously. i think this is what pushed johns to bring her back as a star sapphire bc he nor dimatteis could conceive of how she would be impt as a civilian character even though she had shown all capacity to be for like. decades prior lol). there are also big trans hal vibes and if you are into funky catholic guilt and rage this is your book

** hal's origins are messy in that they are basically rewritten twice. they're rewritten first in emerald dawn and emerald dawn ii, which is probably the origin i would go with overall bc it is most consistent to green lantern vol. 3 and the state hal and his relationships are in by that point (particularly with sinestro and carol). they're rewritten second in green lantern: rebirth (2004) by geoff johns, which is imho bland and terrible. personally i love hal's initial origins from the 1960s. i don't think you'll ever get a better depiction of hal as an intrinsically heroic yet externally awkward person filled to the brim with dreams and longing. i also prefer how his dynamics with carol and sinestro used to be written here before they got bogged down in a lot of the misery you see showcased by the time we make it to parallax era. the drama of that era is great obv and i love it but i also miss how cartoonish and silly and entertaining early green lantern was

*** this first chunk of green lantern vol. 3 is unfortunately written by gerard jones (aka the guy who is currently in jail for possession of child pornography. yeah) so something to keep in mind. i don't think it impacts much of what he wrote for this book specifically but it is still obv disappointing and uncomfortable so i wanted to note that. he also worked on the emerald dawn books

for the other lanterns my mutual has a carrd with essential recs for each of them here. in pre-geobard jawnes era john is mostly relegated to green lantern vol. 2 and 3 whereas guy shows up in both and then a handful of other justice league books as well as his own solo series guy gardner: warrior. kyle is probably the easiest to read about once green lantern vol. 3 segues into his introduction in the parallax era bc it obv becomes his solo book. simon and jessica have mildly interesting content in their new 52 introductions but green lanterns is probably one of the worst books i have ever read not in its content per se (although i personally do have complete apathy for new green lantern lore) but simply bc its writing is juvenile to the point of agony. which is obv standard fare for modern dc books. and then there is obv alan as well omg ty to anon for reminding me of him! i am least familiar with him but jsa 1999 is apparently a good place to start and i think he shows up sometimes in green lantern vol. 3 as well bc he mentors kyle on occasion!

[jolalibrary]

Every single time you post something I scream and sprint to read it, I’m so excited to see what you got in store for us next, could you give us a little sneak peek of your next project? 👀👀

you're so freaking kind, i love that. currently, i'm working on the next chapter to nowhere to run (bcus, i am in love) and some little things here and there. i've had a crazy two weeks, so i'm not as far ahead with my usual to-do list as i like, so can i interest you in a scene from chapter six... [it's unedited, so be kind]

“Is Stoddard’s job meant to be yours?”

You notice his eyes don't move. Paying attention, fixated on your micro-expressions. Watching each twitch from your brows to your lips.

“The day you first spoke to me. I asked you what they—“

Running your tongue across your teeth, you sigh heavily. “You asked what they gave me.” 

They cut, slice—your words. Halting whatever else was due to fall from his lips, stopping him from speaking as his lips clamp together, gaze pinning him in place.

He lifts his chin, a hand coming to rest on his hip. “Were you offered Stoddard’s job, cariño?” 

You swallow, somehow able to keep your face unchanged even if your fingers twitch, your back relaxing, before you shake your head. It's easier to look away, the festering acerbity doubling as you turn your back to him.

“Yes.” 

...She’s good. Been even better if she took the deputy job. Think of the ways she could have helped you then...

He snorts. It's loud, quickly followed by the sound of his shirt moving as he likely runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck. Why—why didn’t you… you should have told me. You fuckin' lied—“

...She not tell you? Thought you two were close. Looked it anyway, saw the pair of you walking in this morning...

Spinning on your heel, you don't smother the fury in your eyes. You throw it at him, burn him with it. “No. I didn’t lie, Peña. You asked what they gave me, implying I took it. I didn’t take it. I declined it, I resigned myself to shitting desk duty and let him have it.” 

His face doesn't change, not even under your stare. “You should have taken it.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re fuckin' good, you’re… you do the right thing, you know everything that goes on in this place, cariño—“

“I’d have taken it. If I had earned it,” you spit, looking him up and down. “I’d have ripped it out of their goddamn hands and plastered my fucking name on that desk. But, it wasn’t offered to me because I’m good, because I know what I’m doing. It's a trap, a way to get me to stop... pushing, stop finding things. And you know it. You must do. Read all about it in the fuckin' file you have on me."

His stare softens, panic spreading in his eyes.

"Yeah, Javi, I know about that too.” 

[retrogradedreaming]

okay so i went and read your pinned post on your oc blog and i wanna hear more about gingersnap book 👀 what are the characters like? what's the world like? i'm bad at coming up with questions so just share anything you want skjhgsk

sfksdjfld grace this made my morning <3 also don't worry about being bad at questions, I sent the ask about your OCs to you before 6am when my eyes had been open a grand total of five minutes, so you're good 😂

btw before i get into it, if anyone wants to see my wips, characters, thoughts about either, and other original work, i post more of that on my wip sideblog @slippersandsmoke

gingersnap book is the oldest project I have that I'm still (sort of) working on (since...2015? 2016? i can't remember when Liam and Elliott first showed up). it's a little complicated for me because very early on, the characters started as like side OCs in a collab fic sort of thing with my ex, and then these characters developed more completely into their own thing until I took them out of the fandom world where they started and just made them their own story.

the world is just our world and the story is set in the general area of where I live. that might change, though, because one of the characters supposedly lives in his family's vacation house and no one has a vacation house here. then again, maybe he can just move, idk, I've been taking a break from working on the main story this year, so I haven't worked out a lot of the details around the setting/reasons why one of the main characters lives there. which also means that anything I tell you now is subject to change later.

the story follows Liam and Elliott, who had a long-term relationship, broke up, and then come back together through a series of unfortunate coincidences and events. the characters are all in their mid-20s (y'know, to reflect that i was in my mid-20s when I made them), and the whole story is kind of like an exploration of the mid-20s experience of "what the fuck am I doing with my life?"

since this is getting long, I'm putting the specific character info for the four main characters I think about under the cut

Liam: He's a manager at an upscale restaurant in the area, he's from London (I think) and he's...hm. Not very nice? He tries to be, and he's reliable, practical, and gets shit done, but he doesn't do feelings. He moved to [the fictional version of where I live] for school, where he met Elliott. He's really into theatre, and he prefers directing to acting (though he's quite capable at both).

Elliott: Elliott lives in western MA, and he went to school for art. He loves to draw and paint, and he works at a bookstore and as an art teacher. He's very opposite Liam in that he enjoys his alone time, but he'd much rather enjoy time with other people and he has no problem being likable and fitting in with others.

Will: He works with Liam at the restaurant, and he bounces between jobs to pay for his apartment and help his mom support/care for his younger siblings. He has a German shepherd named Milo, and he's kind of a work hard play hard type of person, where he works a LOT but he knows how to have a good time. He's involved with Jasper, but they both have their own commitment issues, so they're mostly friends with benefits who are inextricably connected.

Jasper: He's a bartender, and he's had a rough life. He met Will in high school and spent most of his time at Will's house, so he essentially integrated into their family until Will's dad died when they were in college (Will dropped out after that because he needed to work). And that's when Jasper kind of left the picture for a while, since he thought his struggles would make it worse for them. But Jasper himself is really sweet, super outgoing, and he's the kind of person that people naturally look after because he's such a disaster that everyone's like "should probably watch that guy." But he means well, and he loves Will despite his commitment issues.

[klarion-the-witch-boy]

Well damn, if y'all don't want to humour me I'll humour myself (lighthearted and joking tone intended, but I'm tired from work so it might not come across well lmao).

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I like how I write dialogue. I enjoy reading back my own dialogue, a lot of the time.

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

I'm not particularly embarrassed about my writing? But seeing folks comment on or kudos old fics of mine gets me all embarrassed/flustered sometimes.

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

I have delusions of picking any/all wips back up. I fear, however, some wips going without update for long periods of time. They're my babies, ya know? Makes me sad when I don't have the energy for them

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

I used to, sure. The overly self-indulgent stuff, or the spicy stuff, tend to be the kinds of writing I'll hold back. That's what the second AO3 account is for lmao.

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Signs and Portents (the fic in my pinned post) -- it was a big ol labour of love and seeing even one person enjoying it brings me joy. Granted, it's okay with me that it's not a "good performer" necessarily. I deeply enjoyed writing it.

✏️ Do you write every day?

No. I wish I would, though, because I'm emotionally at my best and most balanced when I'm regularly expressing myself creatively. ...but also, breaks are good. Even breaks from things you love.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

Getting back to my writing after over a month of hyperfixating on crocheting so hard that I did nothing outside of crochet.

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

Uhh. I dunno! If someone hates something I write, they're probably reading the wrong stuff?

🌙  What time of day do you prefer to write? Why?

3am. It's nice and quiet.

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

Plantser and Pantser. Planning isn't my forte.

📊 Current number of WIPs

∞

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

Some. It's not something normies (for lack of a better word) understand, though, is it?

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Oh, interesting question. I can't think of one off the top of my head? Uh. I don't think I've written anything significant for Poe Dameron?

📝 What is one growth area you have for your writing?

Plotting, just in general.

📚 Do you read your own fic?

Yeah, pretty regularly actually. I write primarily for myself, so it's exactly what I want to read. XD

🌈 What inspired you to write Signs and Portents?

Spite ✨

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

The "writing" part.

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

- a "the Batfam is dead/ghosts" fic

- a TimKon rewrite of The Mummy with Tim as Ankhsunamun/Evie and Kon as Brendan Fraser O'Connell. But not a straight rewrite so much as a heavily inspired one.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

Yeah, sometimes. I don't know the deepest dive I've done, but a more recent "dive" was into the kinds of identity documents a child would need to enter school. Or just to prove who they are in general -- I needed to set a clone kid up with documentation.

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

Compliment* (sorry)

Fast-paced, dialogue-heavy, informal. And I know these can all be criticisms of writing, too, but they're facets of my writing that I like. For me, that makes them compliments.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

Technically, if it's my own writing, the thoughts I have about it are canon-canon (to the work itself).

I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I do generally have background stuff in mind for some fics, stuff that's never explicitly spelled out but which colours and guides the way the story is written.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

I'm assuming we're still talking about things I've written? I'm which case, it would be Bonding Bats, which I wrote as a way to comfort myself when a family pet passed on.

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

I.... don't know. Um.

I'm a pretty "safe" and vanilla writer. I don't have much content which -- if translated into the real world (because it's fiction and it's not illegal to write fiction about things, even if those things are illegal -- that's why Grisham isn't in jail for writing crime fiction lmao) -- would get me arrested. Maybe one of my fics where I killed off the Joker or something?

I really don't know.

⏰ Do you spend more time reading fic, writing fic, or do you do both equally?

I think I lean a bit more towards writing fic? Because I'm producing the stuff I most want to read, generally speaking. But it varies.

💋 [Freeform -- something I'd want to say about one of my fics/my fic writing]

Umm... well. I took part in a small exchange, a bit ago (maybe two years?) and I ended up producing a gift fic for every other member of the exchange. I actually listened to the entirety of a podcast (Archive 81 I think?) to do one of the fills. I was very proud of myself for managing a fic for everyone, haha.

That's a wrap! Thanks for joining me on this adventure. XD

If anyone wants to send the emojis, I'll give more answers/different answers/go more in depth on my answers for whatever. But it's no big deal if I don't get emojis in my inbox -- I got this mostly out of my system by just answering everything lol.

Fanfic Ask Game (the movie, the sequel)

In celebration of me actually working on a fic, I made y’all an ask game instead of continuing to work on that fic. Pls enjoy.

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

✏️ Do you write every day?

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

🌙  What time of day do you prefer to write? Why?

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

📊 Current number of WIPs

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

📝 What is one growth area you have for your writing?

📚 Do you read your own fic?

🌈 What inspired you to write [insert fic here]?

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

⏰ Do you spend more time reading fic, writing fic, or do you do both equally?

💋 [Freeform - what is something you want to know about one of poster’s fics?]

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos Fic: Trigonometry (Part 2: Cosine)

Part 1, Part 3  -  Read on AO3  -  Masterlist  

All In Universe Masterlist

Pairing: Horacio Carrillo x Steve Murphy x Javier Peña

(Parts 1 and 2 focus on Carrillo/Murphy, but part 3 will be Carrillo/Murphy/Peña)

Words: 4,983

Summary: With Javi still missing, Carrillo and Steve visit his apartment where tensions finally boil over (understatement lol). 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Weapons kink, gun play, power dynamics, praise kink, handjobs, frottage, masturbation, unprotected anal sex/fingering, biting/marking, dirty talk, spanking, comeplay, jealousy, denial of feelings, brief mentions of divorce and open marriage, inappropriate use of prayer (there’s a warning I never thought I’d use lol), mild angst, swearing, smoking, drinking.

Notes: I have no excuses for this tbh 😂 Although it ended up having more feelings in it than intended 👀 And there are plenty more shenanigans to come in the third and final part as well 😉

Whilst obviously I do not own Narcos or its characters, please do not copy, re-post, or plagiarize this fic in any capacity on this or other platforms. If you wish to create any fan works inspired by it, please provide a credit or send me a message if in doubt.

Part 2: Cosine

Carrillo’s seniority made it easy to arrange a helicopter to take them to Bogotá in quick time and with few questions asked. They were still reluctant to officially call it in and gave themselves a deadline of the following morning. That would make it at least 24 hours Javi had been missing, but they couldn’t think about that yet and preferred to see it more as an insurance policy.

Once back in Bogotá, they crossed the threshold of Javi’s apartment and shut the door behind them. The place seemed smaller now that it was just the two of them, as though the walls were closing in and there was no way out.

They both tried to ignore it in favour of looking for any clues instead. Although much like the absence of Javi in his own apartment, the negative space was the problem. The way that things which were unsaid or unaddressed were there nonetheless. It was the implied intimacy of Carrillo knowing his way around and of Steve and Javi having spare keys to each other’s apartments. It was the way the three of them had avoided each other since that fateful night, yet it was clearly all they could think about. It was the way Steve and Carrillo refused to talk about the worst-case scenario for Javi because then they would have to admit they had thought about it in the first place.

However, there was no sign that Javi had been here recently. His bed was still made, there were no messages or missed calls on his machine, and it didn’t look like anyone had broken in or taken anything. It was like the man had simply vanished.

Carrillo took two glass tumblers out of the drinks cabinet and filled them with whatever bottle Javier already had open. He slid one across the kitchen counter towards Steve, who eyed it with great suspicion.

“Don’t worry, I’m not poisoning you.”

Steve pinned Carrillo with a look of intense irritation but accepted the drink with a reluctant thanks.

Whilst Steve nursed his glass, Carrillo pulled his phone out of his pocket, dipped into Javi’s bedroom and closed the door.

Steve wasn’t intentionally listening, but it was hard not to be overheard in this place when the walls were so thin. From what he did catch, it was clear Carrillo was telling his wife he wouldn’t be home tonight.

Steve brought the tumbler to his mouth, suddenly hyper-aware of what else had been pressed against it only hours ago. And in Carrillo’s office several weeks before that. He tipped his head back and downed the lot in one.

Carrillo’s phone call was brief, and he soon returned to the kitchen. As far as Steve was concerned, he’d kept his face and body language neutral, but apparently not from the way that Carrillo was now glaring at him. A look that managed to convey My marriage is off-limits, you don’t know the first thing about our arrangement, and at least I still have a wife.

It worked for them, and that’s what mattered. Not that Carrillo had intended to become entangled with two DEA agents like this, but then he didn’t plan for lots of things around here. Given the intensity of their line of employment, he figured it was an occupational hazard. It didn’t mean he loved Juliana any less, and he didn’t have to explain that to anyone, least of all Murphy.

Whatever the look was had the desired effect as Steve immediately backed off and made to refill his glass. “So, what’s the plan, now?”

“We’ll give the place another once-over, just in case. And then we wait.”

“That’s it? We wait?”

“Yes, we wait. Unless you’ve got any better ideas?”

Of course, Steve didn’t. And he hated that he was deferring to Carrillo’s judgement so much as if he wasn’t a fucking police officer himself. “Fine. We wait.”

------------------------------------------------------

It was well past midnight by the time they came to an impasse, their second search of the apartment throwing up nothing. They admitted defeat after they resorted to checking through Javi’s wardrobe and drawers as though he or any clues were hiding in them.

“I think we’re best just staying put here, for now. See if he turns up over the next few hours. If not, it’s time to call your boss.”

Steve gave a resigned sigh and sat down on the edge of Javi’s bed, resting his head on the heel of his hand. “Makes sense.”

He bent down to untie his laces and kicked off his boots.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“You live upstairs.”

“Javi isn’t gonna turn up there though, is he? If you’re staying put here, then so am I.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me. You have a phone, I presume?”

Steve rose from the bed with a scoff and turned to face Carrillo, who looked just as, if not more, murderous than back in Medellín.

“Nice try icing me out again.”

“If only.”

They stood dangerously close once again, Steve lowering his head just as Carrillo raised his, allowing them to square up to each other despite their significant height difference.

“Oh yeah, just try it.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Do your worst.”

Their lips were tantalisingly close, swallowing each other’s breath as their noses bumped together now that there was no knife to act as a barrier.

Neither wanted to be the one to instigate what they knew to be annoyingly inevitable by now. But somehow, they both surrendered at once, closing the gap and triggering an explosion of ferocious kisses, clashing tongues and harsh lip bites that left a metallic taste in their wake. There was nothing tender about it as they clawed at each other’s clothes, roughly shoving the other against Javi’s furniture as they undressed.

Jolts of arousal and guilt shot through each man as they ended up on Javi’s bed, distracting themselves from imagining the worst about the owner of the sheets they were now tangled up in.

They settled into a wrestling match, one pinning the other down by the wrists before overpowering him and reversing the position. Each battling to be in charge, much like their joint encounter with Javi. In the end, they compromised by lying on their sides. Large calloused palms seized around each other’s cocks, neither showing mercy as they groped, tugged and squeezed.

Carrillo laved his tongue along the expanse of Steve’s slender neck before clamping his teeth down and making Steve shiver and squirm.

For several blissful seconds, Steve couldn't react and merely leaned into it. His eyelids fluttered shut, and his head rolled back as he let the sensation consume him. Until he remembered who was the cause of it.

He came to his senses and retaliated by sinking his teeth into the thick muscle of Carrillo’s shoulder with a snarl. He sucked at the skin until it reddened beneath him, not caring that he had no doubt crossed a line by leaving a mark.

To Steve’s surprise, Carrillo groaned at the contact and twitched in his palm. So, he did it again, deepening the colour of the bruise until it was almost purple and glossy with saliva in the dim light of the bedroom. The primal noises he was drawing out of Carrillo were like nothing Steve had ever heard from him before, not even when witnessing him with Javi.

With Steve distracted by that curious thought, Carrillo took advantage and increased the speed of his strokes with one hand whilst clutching at Steve’s hair with the other.

“You’re such an arrogant pain in the ass,” he ground out through gritted teeth.

Steve gasped and shuddered at the lethal combination of Carrillo’s words and actions. “Takes one to know one.”

He tried to disguise how fucking good Carrillo’s fingers felt pulling on his scalp. But not well enough as Carrillo just did it harder, tipping Steve’s head back with force and eliciting a symphony of lascivious sounds from his throat. That was when it hit Steve why he had been so fascinated watching Carrillo work earlier that night. A fucked up thought he couldn’t analyse in the here and now, so he pushed it down and focused on the pleasure/pain of Carrillo’s ministrations instead.

“Guess I’ll have to shove my cock down your throat again to make you stop talking. Or maybe reacquaint you with my knife.”

Steve’s entire body spasmed at the mention of the knife, and there was no way Carrillo hadn’t noticed. He closed his eyes, drawing in calming breaths as he felt a familiar pressure in his balls, not wanting to give Carrillo the satisfaction. Not yet, anyway.

But Carrillo kept going. “Such a dark horse, Murphy. I always knew I could corrupt you if I had the chance. I wonder what else you’d let me do to you?”

To finally give voice to the fantasy Carrillo had harboured ever since Steve showed up in Colombia was intoxicating. Obviously, he hadn’t expected it to play out quite like this, and Javier had been the catalyst. But there was a satisfying sense of vindication about all of it.

Steve was breathless and overwhelmed by Carrillo’s sinful words, but he didn’t want this to be over. It was time to give Carrillo a taste of his own medicine.

“And what would you let me do to you, hmm? Don’t think I didn’t see the way you were lookin’ at my gun tonight.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Carrillo rasped with an uncharacteristic lack of conviction.

“Is that right?” Before he considered what he was doing, Steve moved off the bed to retrieve his jeans from the long-forgotten pile of clothes on the floor. He fished out his gun and resumed his place.

Carrillo carried an unreadable expression, but he accepted the gun Steve held out for him. Their fingers briefly connected in the process; an act that made them more nervous than the weapon in their hands. Carrillo took his time to ensure the safety was on and handed it back without saying a word.

Steve stared down at his palm, grappling with the notion of what was about to happen. What he was about to do. The incident with the knife was impromptu, in the open air, and they were both fully clothed. This was different; it was deliberate, premeditated, intimate. It was Carrillo putting his full trust in Steve. Something Steve had accepted might never happen. His ego was too fragile to admit how much it bothered him, but this blew past insecurities out of the water.

It was tempting to run away and lock himself in his apartment for the foreseeable. But he stepped outside his head for a second and paid attention to his body. To the way that his cock throbbed, and his stomach knotted with a new kind of arousal. Something undiscovered and unknown, but something that had probably laid dormant for longer than he realised. He looked up at Carrillo and saw the same hunger in his eyes.

So, Steve dived in head first, covering Carrillo’s form with his own, the gun placed on the sheets next to them for the time being. Steve kissed, licked and nipped his way up and down Carrillo’s torso. He had a newly found confidence zipping through him as he adjusted the speed, placement and pressure depending on Carrillo’s reactions. For a man that was usually stoic to the extreme, it was a power trip to loosen up the Colonel’s buttons like this.

When it was clear they both needed more, Steve gripped the gun in his right hand, checking once more that the safety was still on. He sat up so that he was straddling Carrillo’s thighs, the anticipation evident from the piercing gaze they shared, all the way to their heaving chests and flushed cheeks.

Steve used Carrillo’s forehead as a starting point. He slowly dragged the gun’s muzzle down the bridge of Carrillo’s nose, brushing over his Cupid’s bow and mouth but not lingering - not yet. He paused at his chin, where he increased the pressure and made Carrillo’s Adam’s apple bob again, much like in his office earlier that day. An event that may as well have been months ago for all that had happened since.

He continued his path down Carrillo’s chest and abdomen until he met the dark trail of hairs above his pubic bone.

Carrillo’s cock brushed against Steve’s wrist, causing him to push up against the cold metal of the gun. He let out a low grunt at the friction and badly wanted to do it again.

But Steve was too quick, and his free hand stilled Carrillo’s hips with one simple but effective motion. “Not yet.”

Carrillo’s eyes darkened at Steve’s whispered words that oozed with a quiet sense of authority, unsure whether to be impressed or threatened by the monster he had apparently helped create.

Steve so often expended unnecessary energy with the way he went about things. From what Carrillo had witnessed and what Javier had told him, he knew that Steve was handy with his fists, not afraid to throw his weight around to get what he wanted. Aggression for the sake of aggression, which wasn’t Carrillo’s style. He preferred more efficient methods. So, to see Steve exercise restraint and patience was more arousing than he cared to admit.

Steve re-tread his steps along Carrillo’s torso, branching left then right. Teasing each nipple in turn, like he was making a depraved sign of the cross on Carrillo’s body. Steve wasn’t usually a praying man, but figured there were exceptions to every rule.

In spite of his best efforts to conceal it, Carrillo trembled, every scrape of the gun raising goosebumps, his fists clenching into the sheets by the time Steve lifted it back up to his face.

He traced patterns over Carrillo’s cheeks before painting his lips with the muzzle. Top lip first, then bottom, where Steve waited for Carrillo to take the bait.

And Carrillo took it greedily, sucking it into his mouth with abandon, and this time when he bucked his hips, Steve didn’t stop him. Their grinding matched the rhythm of Carrillo’s mouth, the sweat coating their bodies adding to the slip-and-slide. The way Carrillo’s lips parted around the weapon planting ideas in both men’s minds that only spurred them on further.

Steve eventually removed the gun from Carrillo’s mouth, unable and unwilling to explain being hit by a wave of irrational jealousy over an inanimate object. Instead, he quickly replaced it with his lips, tongue, and teeth, the reticence from earlier no more. But Carrillo was as far gone as Steve and made no objection to the heated frenzy they were wrapped up in.

One of Carrillo’s hands found its way back to Steve’s hair and tugged. “I want you face down on the bed.”

The authoritative timbre of Carrillo’s instruction made it impossible for Steve to do anything but comply. Such few words were spoken, but each one was as efficient and controlled as the man behind them.

Steve lay face down on Javi’s sheets, the gun now forgotten on the nightstand. The scent of fabric softener and something undeniably Javi hit him whilst Carrillo temporarily shifted off the mattress. The rumble of a drawer was next, followed by the click of a lid opening and closing.

All Steve could hear was his pulse thudding in his ears and the heavy breaths falling from his mouth. Trepidation mounted as he contemplated Carrillo’s next move. Would he feel the warmth of skin on skin any second now or the cold barrel of a gun? And more to the point, which would he prefer? Right now, he couldn’t say. He just needed Carrillo to do something.

His questions were soon answered when his legs were swiftly parted. A thick finger coated in lube swiped between his cheeks, teasing over his entrance a few times before risking a light nudge.

Steve was almost embarrassed by his reaction to such a ghost touch, his limbs twitching as he moaned into the sheets.

“Look at you, Murphy. Like putty in my hand already. Think you can take it?” As he asked that question, his finger probed further and eased passed a slight resistance.

“You – you know I can.” Steve fought to keep his composure as the pressure increased on his cock trapped against the mattress. It would have been so easy to hump the bed, scratch an itch and move on, but he couldn’t do it. Much like when he had his back against a wall and a knife to his throat, he willed himself to keep still.

“How about another finger?” With one now buried in Steve, he teased in circles with the knuckle of another.

Steve’s fist thumped into the pillow above his head. “Fuck…yes.”

Carrillo halted his movements but didn’t withdraw. “Yes, what?”

Fucker. Absolute fucker. But Steve didn’t voice his annoyance. He let out a humiliating plea into the depths of the mattress, hoping that by burying his face into the sheets, he wouldn’t have to acknowledge what was happening to him.

No sooner had Steve given Carrillo what he wanted than Carrillo returned the favour. A second finger joined the first, stretching Steve out as he pumped back and forth in a steady rhythm. “That’s it, Murphy. Good boy. You take me so well.”

It was those two words again. Two words that forced Steve’s hand to grasp at the pillow and his ass to lift up to meet Carrillo’s fingers. Fuck. He was never going to live this down. He didn’t even know where it was coming from; or why it turned him on this much. Or why, despite his natural instincts to rebel against Carrillo, he not only craved his approval but also got off on his praise.

He couldn’t deal with examining that closer right now, so he flung his hips back harder this time, taking Carrillo by surprise. He did it again and again until he was fucking Carrillo’s fingers as much as Carrillo was fucking him.

Carrillo’s breath was coming in short, shrift bursts as he watched the spectacle below him. There was that thrill again from knowing he had this kind of effect on Murphy. Knowing that for all of his bravado, he wanted to please Carrillo. And a part of Carrillo got off on Murphy’s reaction to being praised too. It was a vicious circle he didn’t understand. So, as usual, it was far easier to compartmentalise and push it to the back of his mind.

He allowed Murphy to have his fun for a while, to give as good as he got because apparently that just seemed to be how things worked between them, no matter how much each man tried to get one over on the other.

That thought led Carrillo’s free hand to still Steve’s hips and position himself between Steve’s legs. He leaned forwards, his arms braced on either side of Steve’s ridiculously long frame, his cock teasing in the same way his fingers did.

Carrillo reached up to run his tongue along the shell of Steve’s ear, biting down on the lobe as Steve practically purred beneath him. “You still all in, Murphy?” he whispered. Another challenge, another gauntlet thrown down just begging to be picked back up again.

And it was one that Steve couldn’t resist. “If you are, I am.”

That was all the confirmation Carrillo needed to plunge forwards, a firm, deep thrust to start off with and gauge Murphy’s reaction.

Steve let out a laboured grunt as though he had just had the air knocked out of his lungs. This was new; not even Javi had done this with him. He and Connie had dabbled with fingers and toys a few times, but that hadn’t been like this. This was all muscles rippling and straining at his back, and balls slapping against his ass. It had been one thing watching Carrillo do this to Javi, but nothing could have prepared him for the force of nature currently pounding him into next week.

Encouraged by Murphy’s vocal enthusiasm, Carrillo didn’t hold back. Not like the way he restrained himself last time. He snapped his hips against Steve’s at a brutal pace, rolling them in firm circles and leaving behind a trail of bite marks.

All Steve could do was lie there and take it, too overwhelmed by new sensations he didn’t even know his body was capable of feeling. It was all so much. Too much. So, he pushed himself off the mattress, taking Carrillo with him.

They re-adjusted themselves but never pulled apart; both now sat up on their knees. It was ridiculous, but it allowed Steve to regain his height advantage. Although that was small mercy compared to the new angle Carrillo had found in this position. It caused Steve’s eyes to roll back in his head and wiped his mind of all thought.

Carrillo clasped Steve’s waist and cock simultaneously, stroking him in time with his thrusts. “Do you know what I told Javier that night once you were done with him?” He didn’t wait for a reply but held still inside of Steve. His hand kept moving, though, the frantic motions aided by streaks of precum glistening along Steve’s length. “I said next time I want to watch.”

“Fuck…” was all Steve could pant as he spasmed in Carrillo’s hold. “He - he’d love that,” he stuttered once Carrillo moved again. “I fucked him against the sink. Made him watch us through the mirror.”

The mental images running through Carrillo’s head were almost enough to make him come on the spot. He was so close now. “Glad our little show inspired you.”

“I told you, s’not my fault if you can’t keep him satisfied…oh fuck!” His little jibe earned him a sharp swat across the ass.

“And I told you, that mouth of yours was gonna get you in trouble.” Carrillo brought his hand down a second and a third time.

Steve bit his lip, swallowing the whine rumbling in his throat because he wasn’t done goading yet despite the hot sting spreading across his cheeks. “Maybe you just need to find a more effective way to shut me up.”

And with that, Carrillo gave Steve’s cock another once-over and lifted his hand to Steve’s face. He smeared his slicked fingers across Steve’s moustache and lips before shoving them into his mouth.

Steve didn’t know which memory to latch on to first; the one of him sucking Carrillo off in his office, the one of him licking Carrillo’s knife, or the one of Carrillo taking Steve’s gun into his mouth. A heady mix of all three combined with jerking himself off and Carrillo filling him up pushed him over the edge.

His free hand felt behind him and dug his nails into any part of Carrillo he could reach, scraping and scratching like a feral cat as he spilt over himself with a strangled groan.

Carrillo upped the ante as he relentlessly fucked into Steve, the grip on his waist enough to leave reminders in the morning. A hand appeared at Carrillo’s mouth, and he took the hint, sucking and licking as though he was a man starved.

It was the final straw as he let out a growl stifled by a vampiric bite into the flesh of Steve’s shoulder. Breaking barriers far beyond the surface of his skin, even if neither of them recognised it.

------------------------------------------------------

They lay spent and breathless, silent and dazed for several minutes before they cleaned up, trying to push down the growing sense of shame that they had done this in Javi’s apartment. In Javi’s bed. When Javi was…well, wherever he was. It felt like a betrayal, although not in the traditional sense. It wasn’t so much that they regretted what they had done, but that they had done it without Javi. He was once again the negative space in the room.

They took turns to shower, the question of sharing never coming up. That would have been a step too far. Although, as they towelled off and put their underwear back on, they both caught the other in the act of staring. But they cleared their throats and continued as though nothing had happened.

Neither of them said anything when they got back into bed, ignoring that Steve had a perfectly decent double bed of his own upstairs. And Steve was also ignoring the fact that his own apartment and double bed hadn’t been the same since Connie left, and he dreaded most nights alone now. The two men still left a respectable distance between themselves, though, to the point where they were practically falling off opposite edges of the mattress.

Steve reached for his jeans on the floor once again. He shuffled around in the pockets until he found what he was looking for, trying to blink away the flashback he was already having of retrieving his gun just like this. The gun that now had traces of Carrillo’s saliva all over it.

He sat back up and pulled a cigarette out of the packet, offering the same to Carrillo.

Carrillo wordlessly took one, prompting Steve to lean over with his lighter. Their eyes briefly met over the flame, Carrillo mumbling his thanks before taking a long drag. The exhale he let out was more a sigh of relief than anything as the much-needed nicotine began to flow into his bloodstream.

Steve retreated to the safety of the other side of the bed to light up. They didn’t talk for several minutes, both lost in their own heads and ensuring to look anywhere but at each other.

“D’you think he’s alive?” Steve didn’t know what possessed him to ask that of all questions, but it slipped out before he could stop himself.

Apparently, Carrillo didn’t know what possessed Steve to ask that, either, and he gave him a withering look that said as much.

“Someone would have found him by now if he wasn’t. They’d have wanted us to know what they did,” he replied in the end.

Not many people knew the mind of a narco quite like Carrillo, and Steve had good reason to trust his judgement beyond his desperate need to cling to hope.

“What we gonna do if he doesn’t show up?”

Carrillo was more intent on savouring his cigarette than answering another of Murphy’s questions, and left him hanging for a moment. “Get some sleep. We’ll figure it out in the morning if we have to.”

To the casual observer, Carrillo’s words might have sounded cold. But even Steve could see the benefit of his pragmatism at a time like this. He could only imagine how much his mind would have spiralled if he had dealt with this alone. It was oddly comforting for Carrillo to refuse to indulge Steve in his anxieties because that wouldn’t help either man. The words Carrillo and comfort in the same sentence were not something Steve ever expected his brain to conjure up, and he wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Right, yeah, of course,” was all Steve could manage in reply. He flipped the bedside lamp off, plunging the room into darkness, the only light now stemming from the digital clock on the nightstand and the dying embers of Carrillo’s cigarette.

Steve shuffled down beneath the sheets that still smelt strongly of sweat, sex and Javi but stuck rigidly to his small strip of mattress. He didn’t even dare lie on his back, stretch his long legs out, or fidget like he had the tendency to do when he couldn’t sleep, in case he strayed into foreign territory.

He knew Carrillo was still awake as he heard him stubbing out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. It was followed by the mattress shifting and another deep sigh that had too many possible interpretations for Steve to guess which one was correct. Eventually, all fell still, and Steve couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or disappointed that Carrillo was apparently now asleep.

But that was the thing about stillness; it only took into account what was perceptible on the surface. It didn’t factor in hidden currents that were just as turbulent, if not more so than the visible ones. And what Steve didn’t know was that Carrillo was as wide awake as he was.

Carrillo was used to keeping a level head in a crisis, but even he had to admit he was struggling this time. Not that he could burden Murphy with his concerns. For some reason, he could see why Javier always felt the need to protect his partner. Even now, after Murphy had well and truly rolled around in the dirt with him, Carrillo felt a certain level of responsibility. A responsibility to find Javier but also to protect Murphy in Javier’s absence.

He clung to that reasoning when trying to justify why he had let himself be put in such a vulnerable position tonight. With someone he had always kept at arm’s length. Of course, he only did it to satisfy Murphy’s need for acceptance. Something Javier had been badgering him about for a long time. There couldn’t possibly be more to it than that.

Or at least that’s what he told himself when he slid his leg back into the negative space of the middle of the bed. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find, if anything. And for an agonising few seconds, his foot lay stranded in the void.

But just as he was about to withdraw and pretend it was an involuntary action whilst asleep, clammy skin found clammy skin. It was a tentative token of solidarity, and both men would deny it if they acknowledged it. But it was there, and it happened nonetheless.

[juletheghoul]

Julessssssssssss, first of all, love you. Second, do Francis and Spills have anymore kids after Mateo? 👀👀👀

My love! So. Please forgive the delay Lmfao.

Enjoy 💗

Pairing; Francis & Spills

Read about them here.

Warnings; none- domestic fluff, pregnancy, established family, one butt-grab.

Age: 39 (Mateo is 5, Luna is 6)

“Hey honey, just finishing up work, what’s up?” His voice came in through the bluetooth speaker of your car, drowning out the sounds of Luna and Mateo chatting excitedly in the backseat.

“Hey! I have the kids, going to grab mcdonalds for dinner.” You were just pulling into the drive through lane when the kids started calling out their orders.

“Oh, I thought we were making pasta tonight?” He sounded confused - the weekly menu posted on the fridge would have backed him up.

“I know but I’m dying for some nuggets - I’ll make pasta tomorrow. What do you want?” He hummed in thought, always happy to go with the flow, it was one of the things you loved about him.

“Just get me whatever you get yourself - maybe a shake? Vanilla please. Okay - getting in the truck see you soon. Love you.” He laughed at the chorus of love you’s that came from three separate voices. “Love you all.” You could hear the smile in his voice before he hung up.

-

You heard him walk into the house as you finished washing the kids hands, barely managing to get them dry before they took off to jump into his arms as they usually did - excitedly telling him what they’d ordered as they all made their way back towards you.

He was listening intently, guiding them to sit so he could wash up.

“Hey baby.” He smiled brightly, golden hour sun rays shining through the sliding doors onto his handsome face. He set down his lunch-bag before coming in for a kiss - you smiled when his hand grabbed your ass quickly. He could never help himself.

“Hi there.” You took his hat off to push the curls away from his face before kissing the little patch of skin on his chin. “Come on, before the fries get cold and inedible.”

“I’m surprised - you’re usually pretty strict about the menu.” He gestured towards the note pinned to the fridge, smiling wide at how you shoveled fries into your open mouth. “Hey hey - eat while playing please.” Luna was ignoring the cheeseburger on the table, too busy with the toy that had come with her meal.

“I don’t know what it is, we were driving by and all of a sudden I was dying for nuggets.” The craving for them had been so intense, ignoring it was out of the question. He didn’t press and the rest of the meal passed by pleasantly.

-

The next morning wasn’t so pleasant. You were stuck in the bathroom, the nausea had woken you up and within a few minutes you were violently throwing up what felt like everything you’d ever eaten in your entire life.

He was waiting outside the bathroom when you finished.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He was sleepy, but worried.

“Yeah - just don’t let me get mcdonalds again for a while. I feel much better.” He wasn’t convinced, he hovered - always worrying about you.

“You sure? Want me to take the kids? You can go to the walk-in -” He was rubbing your back, stopping you from doing the bed right away. “I know throwing up always makes you nervous.”

“Yes Francis - I’m fine - genuinely feel a million times better. I think I got it all.” You hugged him quickly, pacifying him before continuing with your daily routine and putting the whole thing out of your mind. It wasn’t until later, when the smell of popcorn made your stomach roiled that you panicked.

“Uh oh.” He said the words but he’d broken out into a smile.

“It can’t be-“ you all but ran to the bathroom. “Francis!”

“I’m getting my keys! Come on kids, let’s go to the store.” You heard them squeal with excitement before the whole house went silent.

I can’t be pregnant again, can I?

You looked at yourself in the mirror, sex was regular and you thought you’d been consistent about taking your birth control but it all came crashing down when you took a second look at the little bubble pack in your nightstand. There were definitely days you’d missed taking it. More than a few.

-

Pregnant. Again.

“Are you not happy?” Francis was watching your face, lines present on his brow. His confusion made you feel guilty.

“No no, it’s not that-“ You cradled his jaw with your palm. “-I’m just worried, we’re almost forty. Don’t you think we’re a little too old to be changing diapers again?” You wrapped your arms around his waist.

“No - I’m happy, I am excited to do it all again with you and I’m excited for the kids to have a little sibling but if you don’t want this I support you.” There was no judgment in his voice, no double meaning - no manipulation. “Whatever you decide- we’ll do.” He kissed your face and said nothing else.

You thought about it for a few days, weighing the options on the days leading up to the doctor's appointment you’d made.

The kids had their routine, they had schedules and imagining a newborn thrown into the mix- well, it was terrifying.

-

The doctor confirmed the pregnancy, and with the confirmation - came acceptance - outwardly anyway. Secretly you still had your doubts, fears and concerns that seemed to follow you. They calmed when he was close though, when he absentmindedly rubbed your belly while reading at night. When he made a point of kissing the little swell before work.

They all but disappeared when you told the kids, when they fought over whether it would be a little brother or sister, and they went away for good when you found out with was a girl.

Celeste came into the world screaming, healthy and surrounded by love and by the time you brought her home- it was as though any doubt, any misgivings or worries had never existed at all.

-

Tag list: @foli-vora @frannyzooey @danniburgh @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @softdindjxrin @wheresarizona @sherala007 @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @lori-tovar @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @dihra-vesa @gaiuswrites @stevie75 @sweet-creature98 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @mandocrasis @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @goldielocks2004 @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @hellovanessax @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @mrs-ghuleh @pedritoispunk @studythoreauly @missswriter @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @anaaaispunk @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @quica-quica-quica @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @mandosmistress @deadhumourist @felicisimor @tuskens-mando @no-droids-on-sunday @sophiefatale2495 @toomanystoriessolittletime @what-iwish-you-knew @pedrostories @athalien @bi-thewayy @literallydontlook @pedrosbrat @gamingaquarius @localddreamers @luxmundee @iamafadedmoon @nakhudanyx @littlemisspascal @grogusmum @recklessworry @heyitmelexie @killyspinacoladas @gothicxbarbie @evildxad @dragonslarimar @spideysimpossiblegirl @chemtrail-mix @maievdenoir @kissasith @breezythesimp @altarsw @artooies-scream @staygolddindjarin @lorosette @softsweetedbeauty @c4psicle @littlemisspascal @yuiopiklmn @ameliaofasgard @squidwell @allthatsleftbehind @just-blogging-around @bbyanarchist @girlofchaos @maddiedrmr @frasmotic @planetariumx @acourtofsnakes

[blondiest]

🥺🛒✨⛔️💖👀?

omg okay I don't know how to do submissions so Hopefully I'm doing this right @lunasink

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Idk if this counts as a moment or interaction type, but a dynamic I deeply deeply love is exes. Writing don't say yes, run away now was so, so fun because there's that built in history that kind of creates a sense of yearning without having to really build up a previous relationship explicitly in the text.

this is another one that is probably inspired from real life too bc i've gotten back together with literally every ex i've ever had, at least briefly 🫣

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

This is a tough one bc I know there are some very common ones but I'm struggling to pin them at the moment... I really like intense emotions— guilt, love, regret, fear, affection, etc. I don't actually know if I go heavy on imagery to be honest— maybe sky descriptions? I tend to keep a lot of environmental descriptions pretty brief tbh. I also really like the mundane moments in life— laundry, food, studying, driving, etc. Also, for kissing scenes, talking against each other's skin and light biting are favorite descriptions lol

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Whew take 3 now I think, uh— I've gotten pretty good at laying out what I want a plot to look like! Genuinely I'm actually shocked that I have a 50k word fic bc that genuinely, truly felt impossible to me before I started writing for hellcheer.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Oh God, so many. I keep a collection of fic ideas, some of which are pretty fleshed out and some of which are very, very short notes, and the vast majority of them never see the light of day. Actually, voted most likely is a repurposing of a fic idea I had in 2021 for a different ship, one that never got finished. One really early fic I thought of— I think even before I started putting out call it what you want— was a concept in which fem!eddie and chrissy meet in mandatory school group counseling bc both their mothers have recently passed away.

💖 What made you start writing?

Answered this one here 🥰 but tldr: couldn't find what I was looking to read ❣️

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Okay, so— wlw hellcheer is the main thing on my mind at the moment for whatever reason (aside from voted most likely, which I'm steadily working on still!!). In particular, the one I posted a little of earlier is compelling me— I'm picturing Chrissy coming back from her first year of college, having dumped Jason months ago and trying to spend as much time outside of her house as possible to avoid her mother. She's working as a lifeguard at the local pool and spending time with her closest friend Naomi from high school, but when Naomi goes out of town for several weeks to visit family, Chrissy one night resorts to just spending the entirety of her evening after work in the library. She doesn't have a car, and doesn't want to call her mom, so she just starts walking home, but then runs into none other than Eddie Munson, the girl she tutored in senior year. Obviously they hit it off and start spending a frankly ridiculous amount of time together; then, one day, while they're smoking, Chrissy kisses Eddie. What follows is a whirlwind summer romance with an expiration date of the end of August, when Chrissy is due to move back to college. Or IS there an expiration date... 🤔

Thank you for the ask!! 🥰❣️

[gripefroot]

So I have some thoughts after the most recent chapter you posted

1. THEY GOT MARRIED FINALLY 👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️💒

2. They got married on a holy day👀 does this get brought up again?

3. The way they call each other husband and wife 😩💓💞 I am so happy for them

4. I love this laid back wedding reception and how the family sees them (except for Rhys 😡🤺)

5. The smut is always perfection and the way he took out all of her pins and was gentle with her🥺 it’s so soft

Now onto some questions 🧐:

1. Does Lucien know what’s happening? Was informed about the wedding and/or pregnancy?

2. Is it time for war or the breaking of the bond 🔗💥🔗

3. When will Rhys come around to it?😢 They missed him even though he’s been a bit of an asshole lately.

4. Is the Cauldron finally going to get call answered and does it link to the Prison and the Comb👀

So many things to think about and there aren’t many chapters left😭 Anyway, you blow me away every week with your writing and words cannot express the excitement I get when I get the notification

Stay safe🥳🤩

Yes they did get married on a holy, auspicious day - it seems like a fae thing to do, to me! And it does get brought up again...after all, there are 9 days of Dymas, a specifically DUSK ritual holiday, three sisters x three brothers etc etc....math. Nine. Right? My math checks out? My gosh.

HOW ABOUT SOME ANSWERS AND NON-ANSWERS?

1. You'll have to wait and see 👀

2. Yes.

3. Hmmmmm.....that's a question only time can tell. Or a seer, if you have one of those available I suppose.

4. That's SUCH a good question that I cannot answer it 💓 You'll find out very very soon, I promise 😈😈

Thank you so much for reading and your enthusiasm!!! It makes my heart so so happy that you enjoy my story so much 💓🥰💓🥰

[creepweirdo]

don’t worry about slow replies or w/e this is meant to be fun when you can!! but capitalism is the worst. and yesss, my faves openly support lgbt+ fans they’re good boys. i almost missed the yoi news because of the destiel spam so i wasn’t even sure if it was a joke at first either. tumblr is on fire right now. it wasn’t that art but wow also HELLO SIR I AM LOOKING not very respectfully i am but a weak bi. i used to read a load but quarantine brain is broken so i cant focus on novels now.

i want to read tgcf but i keep flopping after like 5 pages but also san lang hot and i heard there’s wlw in it?? cloud recesses does look so pretty to live in but i’m such a nhs, i just want to sit in his nie sect and paint fans and look at pretty things all day. let other people swing swords and all, gossip is way more powerful. rogue cultivator tho your mind! this is the best answer to this question. and that’s not lame, the reason my s/o is the best is bc they know i like to have my own time

most of the time and we can just sit and chill in quiet for hours. it’s perfect. OK! mdzs question which char deserved better (so many choices…) and tell me about other fandoms you’re into/active if you have any more!

hi classified cultivator!!

LMAO THE DESTIEL SPAM. all those memes about the 2020 bingo card - destiel canon, yoi return, and now the marvel trailer for the sambucky show 💀💀 they’re going to queerbait us so bad i’m in love with the chaos that is going to happen 😍❤️

i took me a little bit to get into it too 😭 all the word building but it gets better ❤️ ahaha it’s just vibes - i was like wow i’m pretty sure this is all important information but yeah i’m still a little confused. i was given a character sheet google doc/drive thing that might be able to clarify some things!! i’ll link it at the end! and omg wlw!!! lmao they haven’t shown up in the 100 chapters i’ve read but that info has made me excited 👀 maybe i’ll continue reading it on my days off this week ahaha!

OKAY BUT TRUE THATS MY SECOND CHOICE - to be nhs and vibe all day 💀❤️ and be a gossiper and mastermind on the side 😼 i am a gemini after all HAHAHA.

omg which character deserved better 😭😭 oh no, my gut reaction of lan zhan of course 💔 i’m still thinking about that fic i read like 2 weeks ago where it was his life recovering and grieving after the 30 lashes ahhh all the pain he went through and waiting 13 years for wwx to come back!!! that really really breaks my heart. and then all the things before like his fucked up childhood, mum dying, dad dying, cloud recesses burning, getting his leg broken, pinning after someone, and having the love of your life DIE!!!! wtf 😭😭😭😭😭😭 it hurts me so much.

oooo other fandoms - so i never really contribute to any of the fandoms i’ve been in. i just sit back and observe ❤️ and i’m normally into one fandom at a time. for some weird reason hannibal doesn’t count 💀 i will always be laughing at that show HAHAH.

but before mdzs tbh i was honestly just waiting for another fandom to take me 😭 so i watched avatar the last air bender and the legend of korra in june/july this year and ahhh it was so good!! and i read heaps of fic and my other blog basically became an avatar blog ahaha. then before that the september-december period of 2019 was my it chapter 2 era bc i saw the movie at the cinema and the whole reddie thing - having the love of your life die before telling them that you love them 💔 (whoops spoilers lol). and before that i honestly can’t remeber??? i think my fandom blog was more of a multi fandom blog with posts from everywhere - rather than just super focused on one thing like it is now HAHA. no regrets ❤️

i think this will be more on an indicator - my top fandoms in my AO3 bookmarks are:

mdzs captain america 💀 lol this is why i’ve relapsed with the sambucky show les miserables avatar game of thrones hannibal inception yuri on ice

hahaha that’s so funny - that basically sums up the last 5 years of my life 💀

what about you - who do you think deserved better? and what other fandoms are you into/active in?

oops my phone is about to die 😳 so i’m gonna post this asap HAHAH

thank you for the questions haha ❤️

(heres the link to the google drive folder https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1oXnp5Y2OD70i78utu4BcQ3xgAlygypd0?usp=sharing)

(and this is the link to the specific document that is a character places and terms primer https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ZoYuvSPNaYpGFFnR6gnGjUKFS8EW1-T3IFkk6D4wR4/edit?usp=sharing)

[threeletterslife]

Heyyy ms. chana !! ✨im not ded✨and I definitely haven’t lost interest in LoD !! uni just got me on a chokehold for a bit but now i finally have the time to savor every chapter of LoD🥰

BUT i couldn’t help myself okay?? I speed read (sped read?) chapter 14 and i got some theories brewing. Mr. i-saw-you-once-upon-a-dream is definitely jkayyy~ AND IM SO EXCITED FOR HIS CHARACTER

OKAY, so in the dream general min read about, i thinkk

- y/n’s origins are still unknown

- but we know she can wield fire now (solarian trait)

- But she always had that necklace (that was probably gifted to her by jk) and we know darlaeans use those stones to cast their spells (but how old, when and how do darlaeans get their stones?)

- and i think I remember my previous theory was that she was either from solaria that somehow ended up in darlae (bc she was thinking that hana seemed familiar & in the masterlist, the darlaean arc is “where we came from”)

- OR she might be from this ancient clan where solarian and darlaean powers & people were not separate and something big might’ve happened for their divide

- Soooo, in their argument

- I think maybe y/n discovered what happened in the past before the war/what caused the war

- Maybe she told jk that were never supposed to be enemies or that SHE was originally a solarian

- And he was probably outraged? disgusted by the idea?

- and maybe she told him this crazy idea that they should try communicating with the solarians to stop the war and direct their efforts to a bigger goal

- Which ofc he thought was absurd and he was probably really against her plan of infiltrating the solarian camp HERSELF

- And MAYBE he was even more enraged that she presented it to their “council” before telling him (and if their council existed, it might depend on who’s in it bc i think she would’ve hidden her real motives and said she’s doing it so they can sabotage the solarians from the inside if it had darlaeans who aren’t that keen to make peace with/cooperate with the enemy)

- maybe he eventually acquiesced to her plan or she did it anyway defying him (i think he’s also the darlaean general) and just went with the plan bc she’s there already

- tho im still not sure if the whole amnesia thing was part of the plan or not

- maybe it WAS part of the plan but it might’ve lasted longer than they/she planned bc i think those codes were to trigger her memories. And when the darlaeans/whoever was sending her the codes figured she still hasn’t remembered, they repeated the codes. (+ taehyung was smiling at her when he was taken as a prisoner but stopped when he realized she [still] didn’t remember him)

Or idk, for all we know jk was upset y/n drank his banana milk and jk threatened to eat her chocolate 🤷‍♀️

does y/n even like chocolate🤔

does chocolate even exist in their world🤔

Idc, i love me some chocolate💕

Wew, i’ll think more about it when i get to read the previous chapterss. That is all for now👀 but i shall return !! As always, thank you for the awesome story, ms. chana and take care💗!!

omg hello hello!! <3

these theories???? i am IN AWE. they are so detailed and interesting and so, so ASTUTE????? i obviously can't confirm nor deny any of them, but i like the way you're thinking!! (like you literally deadass wrote NOTES)

i imagined you with the red string and pin tacks and detective board and connecting the dots the whole time LOL i am literally so impressed. you need to definitely come back to this after the first few acts are posted and see how many of your theories were true!!!

also the part with the banana milk and chocolate. i relate. i love. i feel. we all love us some chocolate

so glad that you sent such an extensive list of amazing theories!!! i enjoyed walking through all of them :)))) literally thank you for sending me this because this surely made my day!!