#rea selfie

[goldpilot22]

a collection of doodles I've done lately.

clockwise from top left: me (technically my sona that works in a friend's sona's circus, but it's basically just me with a lil mask), my Pokemon Legends Arceus character, an attempt at capturing Rea's slightly-simplified-imitation-of-a-human uncanny vibes by making them look kinda lowpoly, and "Debbie Deadlight" an original eldritchverse/CoC character who is totally not just Deepcolor from Arknights I swear

[senmiyaazx]

SOLIVAN X READER

“Wanna be your muse ...”

cw: none // not fully proofread

Scratch, scribble, scribble .....

Hm, that's not quite right.

Using the end of the pencil, you rubbed away at the paper— erasing the imperfections in your art.

You were completely distracted. Whatever your professor was saying, you didn't care. It's boring and you could probably just search it up the next time he gives you homework.

You yawned, looking down at your drawing. A blush crept to your cheeks as you realize you've been drawing him for the past few days.

Him— your partner and new friend, the guy whose existence you weren't even aware of until a few days ago, the one who went unnoticed by everyone and you despite him being in the same class as you. Solivan Brugmansia, or rather, Sol.

He's pretty darn cute. Despite his intimidating appearance — from the black clothing and that scary gaze he had — he was actually really sweet, and kind. At least to you.. and Hyugo. But he's softer towards you.

You've noticed the way he stared for longer than he should, lingering touches that shouldn't be there, his dark gaze whenever he sees you interacting with Crowe, or anyone else for that matter. He also seems to like you a lot. Perhaps too much, but you don't really mind. Not when he's been oh so generous to you.

You groaned. No, that doesn't look like him. Try again.

Right. After you became partners, you couldn't help but continue to draw him even if it was unrelated to the project you both worked on. At first, it was mere excuses — you told yourself 'It's just for practice'. It's totally not because he's so pretty you can't help but want to admire him! Sounds weird, doesn't it? That's why it's for practice.

Fuck it. He's so damn pretty.

But your memory sucked, and you need a reference. How though? It's not like you can just ask him for a selfie, that'd probably sound suspicious. Plus, you're in class right now, and you really want to finish this sketch.

You sucked in a breath. Surely one look will be enough. Just one quick look?

You purposefully dropped your eraser on the floor, pretending it was an accident. You took a moment before picking it up, and as you did, you subtly turned your head to where Sol was— though to your surprise, he was already looking at you. Your gaze locked with those vermillion eyes, your own ones widening slightly before you immediately sat back up with an embarrassed blush.

'Can't believe he was already looking..' You sighed. 'This is so embarrassing.'

At least you managed to get a look. You can already envision his image in your head. It wasn't long before you got back to sketching.

You finished after a while. A smile was brought to your face as you stared at your creation, proud.

You rested your head on the desk, using your arms as a cushion. You closed your eyes, feeling tired. Just a few more minutes until..

...

Someone was shaking you awake. When did you fall asleep?

You raised your head from your desk, blinking sleepily.

"Sol..?" You mumbled.

"Morning, sleepyhead. You fell asleep." Sol's voice rung in your ear like a melody. You never realized how soothing his voice sounded, despite the teasing tone it held. You thought about how nice it'd be to hear it every morning.

"Did you get enough sleep last night? You look really tired." His tone switched to a concerned one, more like a doting mother.

"Yeah, just forgot to have my morning coffee." You grinned sheepishly, grabbing your things. "Thanks for waking me up."

He only gave a hum before a shy expression took over his features, a hint of blush blossoming on his cheeks.

He seems to be holding something in his hands before giving it to you. Is that your test paper? No, wait, is that the sketch you made earlier?!

"A-ah! Sorry-" You quickly took the paper from him (albeit rather aggressively), immediately shoving it into your bag as hot shame washed over you.

He chuckled which only served to stir your embarrassment even further.

"It's fine." He sucked in a breath. "You're really cute." He mumbled.

"What did you say?" You perked up, still trying to calm your racing heart. Why were you so flustered anyway?

"Nothing," He smiled shyly. "You know, if you ever need... references, you could always ask me. I don't mind.. I'd do anything for you after all." He whispered that last part to himself. You didn't even care - or notice it, you were too embarrassed.

Your eyes widened. Wait, was he serious? He's being for real?

Nonetheless, you couldn't bring yourself to deny because you probably would've never had the courage to ask. "Right, aha, I'll definitely take you up on that offer, thanks, uh.. bye!" You rushed out of your seat, the paper nearly crumpling in your hands.

Sol watched as you bolted away. He's completely aware of the way his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He couldn't help but grin. How could he not? You were thinking about him. That alone, is enough to make his heart flutter and yearn for more.

He smiled shakily, leaving the classroom after a while, thoughts filled with you as he walked through the hallways.

You're.. so cute. So damn cute.

———

a/n: this was supposed to come with three characters: sol, crowe and casper (date with death), but it's 4am and I'm not sure when im able to write for the other two since i have a busy schedule. i already have an idea though, just need to write it out :)

[samandcolbyownme]

Summary: a request by @morchilluv - "we definitely need a slow burn story of Sam and the reader with some sexual tension and being smutty"

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, kind of a sad slow burn romance, a dash of sexual tension (I feel like I make up for it), flirting, real feelings being masked, not so secret jealously, passive aggressive comments/actions, slightly angsty, biting, scratching, hair pulling, unprotected passionate sex, filth

Word count: 8.6k | NOT edited

I didn't mean for this to be as sad as it actually is, but I like it regardless. Sorry if it's not exactly what the request asks, I tried!

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

YOUNGER YEARS

Your family has always been friends with Sam's family, so naturally, anytime there was a party, you and Sam would always run off to hang out.

You had a massive crush on him, and since you were young, you didn't really know how well to conceal it, so your cheeks were always red and your smile never faded with him.

You had a habit of taking pictures, the sunsets, the clouds, animals. You even have multiple blurry pictures of the moon. You took pictures of literally anything that made you happy, and eventually, you got comfortable enough with taking pictures of Sam any time you wanted to.

He always posed or smiled, but that was always when he knew you were taking a picture. He'd even send you selfies throughout the day on days you weren't hanging out.

You snapped canid pictures of him, too. One of your favorites is him playing the guitar.

You were just kids at the time, not really knowing what love was exactly, but you knew that you didn't want to be without him, even if you were just friends.

That's what it was for a while. You mainly had his attention, even when he did get a girlfriend or talked to a girl. It was puppy, middle school love, so it never really lasted long.

Eventually, Colby started to hang out with you guys, becoming the trio that you are today, but we'll get into that.

Colby would always tease you about liking Sam. He knew before Sam ever did, which honestly to you, took a while for him to understand, or so you thought.

As you became friends for some time, Sam started to flirt back on occasion, mainly when it was just the two of you. When Colby was around, or anyone else for the matter, he wouldn't flirt.

He treated you like he treated Colby, on some levels that is, and it was like that for a while.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Sam and Colby grew big on Vine, quickly building a platform for themselves on YouTube.

You weren't in any of their videos, mainly because you just thought it was weird and you didn't think you could do it.

They've tried and tried again to get you to join them, and you did for maybe one or two videos, but you just sat back mostly, helping them with certain ideas and skits.

You were the girl who always got accused of being one of their girlfriends because you were always with them.

For a while you all took turns replying to certain tweets, denying it, but eventually, you all came to the realization that with fame, comes persistent fans, so all three of you decided to just let people think what they wanted.

You still wished that the rumors between you and Sam would come true, being a teenage girl, you were always told that a girl shouldn't chase a guy, but before you actually realized it, that's exactly what you were doing.

Once graduation hit, you moved from the place you grew up in, to LA.

Sam and Colby got a nice, lavish apartment, with an extra bedroom for editing and one for you, of course.

You traveled with them. Explored with them.

You really became a big part of the 'XPLR' team and an even bigger part of you fell deeper in love with Sam.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

PRESENT DAY

Sam has been heavy on your mind lately, mainly because you thought it was finally time to tell him how you were really feeling.

For years, you've convinced yourself that he knew and liked you, too. The constant flirting back and forth, finding yourself in moments to where you weren't really sure what was going to happen, but it was full of tension, but in a good way.

Sexual tension.

It was there, always surrounding the two of you at the best such as when you're filming a reaction video and he the way he looks at you is just pure lust, or even when you're at home, watching a movie and a sex scene comes on.

Your mind instantly goes to recreating it Sam, and the way he looks at you makes you think that he has those same thoughts with you.

Then there's the worst times, where you're out with friends, drinking. You take one tipsy look at Sam and you feel like you're done for. The only thing stopping you is completely making a fool out of not really yourself, but Sam.

So as usual, it doesn't go anywhere but shoved to the back of your mind.

You kept falling in love with him all over again, doing whatever it took to keep him in your life, but then everything took a turn and you suddenly felt yourself almost hating him.

Girl after girl, situation after situation, you found yourself wanting to distance yourself, save yourself from a massive heartbreak, but it was a little too late for that.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"Where are you going?" Sam asks, looking up at you as you get up from your chair.

"To get a drink." You laugh, "You want one?"

He nods, looking back down at his phone, "Yeah, can you bring me one of those strawberry smoothie things?" You purse your lips, "I think there's only one left."

He looks up from his phone dropping it into his lap, "Really?" You nod, "Yeah and that's what I was going to get."

After a few seconds of silence, you find yourself racing to the kitchen, trying to beat Sam to the fridge. He grabs your waist, pulling you back and spinning you away from the door, "No, it's mine!"

You turn, pushing him backwards, "No! I wanted it first!" You laugh, "It's mine!"

He wraps his arm around your waist, lifting you up so your feet are just off the floor, "No, no. It's mine." He walks you back to the couch and throws you onto it with a laugh, "Stay!"

He turns, running towards the kitchen but you leap off the couch, catching up to him and jumping onto his back.

His hands grip the back of your thighs, "Big mistake, missy."

You cover his eyes, "Oh yeah? Try finding the fridge now." He laughs, reaching one arm out in front of him, "You act like I don't have this kitchen engraved in my mind."

He walks over to the fridge and you extend an arm out, trying to stop him. He reaches up, you still clung to his back, and pulls your hand from his face, "Just.." he opens the door, "Let me.." he groans as he reaches forward for the bottle, "Have it!"

"No! It's mine!" You can't help but laugh, "Sam!"

He leans back and you slam your hands to his chest as you feel like you're going to fall, "No! Don't do that!"

He laughs and walks back, "Sit."

"No." You tighten your legs and he sighs, "Fine, we can stay here all day. I don't care." He laughs and you tilt your head, leaning over to look at him, "I'll sit.. if you promise to share it with me."

He sighs, "You're asking a lot." He smiles and looks over at you, "fine."

You hold out your pinky, "Promise."

He brings his hand up, locking his pinky with yours, "I promise."

You slide off his back onto the counter, keeping your eyes on him as he walks forward to the fridge and grabs the bottle.

He turns around, pretending like he's going to run away and you move forward, stopping when he stops, "Ha! Gotcha!"

"I hate you." You smile, rolling your eyes as you sit back comfortably, "Now, give me some." You reach out and he walks over, standing between your knees.

You take a quiet breath, looking up at him as he cracks open the drink.

You've always wanted him to fuck you on the counter. Every time you're in the kitchen with him, you have hopes of him just bending you over and-

"Y/n." Sam waves his hand in front of your face and you blink, "Hmm?"

"I said here." He holds the open drink up and you laugh, "Oh, yeah. Sorry." You take it, bringing it up to your lips.

"What are you doing? Daydreaming about me?" He teases with a smirk and you about choke on your drink, "Mm." You cover your mouth with your wrist, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He shrugs, "That depends."

"On what?" You tilt your head, taking a sip again and he sighs, laying his hands on your knees, "Tell me and I'll tell you."

"Mm, I see." You nod, "Okay. I was daydreaming about you... giving me the rest of this drink."

"I'll give you the rest of something." He mumbles before snatching the half full drink from your hand. He drink a little bit more of it, keeping his eyes on you as he tilts his head back slightly.

"Please do." You smirk and he shakes his head, "You'd like that too much." He hands you the drink back and steps back, "I'm going to go edit."

You let out a quiet sigh, "Okay."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

A Few Hours Later

"What are you guys thinking for dinner?" Colby asks as he walks into the editing room. You sit up from the bed, glancing at Sam, "I honestly have no idea."

"Are we going out to eat or?" Sam leans back, spinning around in the chair to face Colby.

Colby nods, "I mean, how else are we going to celebrate that we got a yes to explore the place everyone else gets a no from."

Sam jumps up from the chair, "What!?" He lays a hand on his head, "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking with me?"

You smile, watching Sam get exited like a kid in a candy store, "I don't think he's joking, Sam."

"Show me." Sam walks over, "Show me, that god dang email." He watches intently as Colby taps on his screen, "Now do you believe me?"

Sam takes a step backwards, "Do you know what this is going to do for us, Colby?" His eyes move to you and your smile grows smaller.

It's always been hot and cold with you and Sam.

One minute you could be inches away from kissing, then the next he's taking some girl to an abandoned zoo to hang out.

You think that it's because he probably doesn't know you like him, but then at the same time, you also think, how the fuck doesn't he know?

"Congratulations guys." You say getting up from the bed, "I'm proud of you both." You go to walk out, but stop when you feel a hand on your shoulder, "and where do you think you're going?"

You laugh slightly, turning around, "To my room?"

"It better be to get dressed because you're coming, too." Sam smiles and you tilt your head, "Really?"

Colby steps in, "Y/n. You have been with us from the start. You've helped us crack some of the cases we weren't even sure we could. You're a vital part of this, so yes. Of course you're coming."

You nod, "Okay. I'll go get ready." You slowly turn and walk to your room, Colby's speech replaying in your head.

You loved both of them, Colby platonically, Sam, not so much.

You'd be his if he asked, in a heartbeat. You've loved that man since you first laid eyes on him in middle school.

But it's never been you.

You sit down at your vanity, cycling through your lip sticks as you decide on what color dress you should wear tonight.

"Hey." Sam's voice is quiet and you turn around, "Can we talk?" You nod, setting down the lipstick tube, "What's up, Sam?"

He walks over, sitting on the end of your bed. He chews on the inside of his cheek, "So, I'm thinking about inviting someone to dinner and I figured that maybe you can help her feel comfortable throughout the night? Talk with her, ya know. Be her friend?"

You're kind of shocked, but you shouldn't be. Yes, Sam shows interests in you, but it's mainly when there's not someone else trying to get his attention.

As much as you don't want to feel like a second choice, that's honestly how you end up feeling at the end of the day.

"Yeah." You smile, lying through your teeth, "Not a problem at all."

"Really?" He sighs, "Thank you. She's kind of nervous because you know how people are, and if it gets out that we're ce-"

"I know how it goes Sam." You laugh slightly, "Don't worry about it."

"I owe you one." He stands up, giving you a smile as he turns and walks away. You turn back to the mirror and see him stop.

You watch as he turns around, leaning against the doorframe, "You should wear the white dress." He knocks on the frame and smirks before he disappears.

You sit there, analyzing the situation, which you know you shouldn't do because it's just going to drive you insane, like why tell you what dress to wear?

What's it matter?

You huffed, taking a deep breath as you switch on your curling iron. You set it down, giving it time to heat up by getting all of your makeup that you're going to use out.

You paint your lips in the deep red color, smirking as you know it'll go good with that ivory white color.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

After curling your hair, you stand up, walking over to your closet and opening the doors. You push through the clothes, eyes dragging up and down every other dress option until you reach that certain one.

You take it off the hanger, turning around to lay it on your bed. You walk over to the door, getting ready to close it, when Colby's hand stops it from closing completely.

"Colby?" You question and open the door a bit more, "I'm getting ready to change."

He nods, "It'll be quick, I just want to make sure you're good."

You give him a confused look, "I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugs, "I just know big dinners aren't really your thing, so I just wanted to-"

"I'm good, Colbs. Thank you." You give him a smile, knowing that that isn't why he asked. You've been tied at the hip with them for years.

He knows you like the back of his hand, but he never wants to push to get answers from you. He knows you'll come to him if it ever came down to it.

You close the door and turn out, letting out a sigh because you weren't fine. If you didn't have such great self control, you would have smacked sense into Sam when he was sitting on the end of your bed.

You walk over, taking off your clothes to replace them with the beautiful ivory dress in front of you. It was a chiffon wrap dress with mesh sleeves, and to say the least, you were in love with it.

You walk over, bending down to find a pair of heels to match, and quickly enough, you found a pair right on top.

You make sure you have everything you need for the night before flicking the lights off as you walk out of your room.

Colby whistles as you walk down the steps and you smirk, "Boosting my ego, are we?" You walk over to him and he shrugs, "Like it's my job." He laughs and leans back against the counter to check his phone, "Yo Sam! We gotta get going, brotha."

You've got to be kidding me, you think as Sam walks down the steps. He's wearing a, pretty much, all white outfit. The only thing that isn't white are his shoes and the zipper on his jacket.

Same ivory color as your dress.

"Are we ready?" Sam asks as he opens his gold glasses to put them on. Colby laughs, "We were waiting for you, so question is." Colby points to Sam, "Are you ready?"

Sam laughs and runs his hand through his hair, "Let's do it."

You follow them towards the door and they let you walk out first. You stop before the steps, waiting for them to shut and lock the door.

You follow Colby down the steps towards the car, Sam following behind you. Colby opens your door, letting you get in first.

You sit in the back row with Colby. Sam in the row in front of you guys because, you know, he has a date and all.

"Where to?" The driver asks and Sam hums, "Mm. One second." You watch over his shoulder as he asks some, Lylah, what her address is.

Colby nudges you and you look back at him. He smiles as he shakes his head, mouthing, "What are you doing?"

You lean back, whispering to him, "Just being nosey."

You laugh, along with Colby and Sam turns around, "Secrets don't make friends you know." You raise your brows, looking down to pick at your dress with your fingers, "Lots of things don't make friends, Sam."

You force a laugh, trying to not make it seem as deep as it really is, to you at least.

You can feel Colby stare at you as Sam tells the driver where he's supposed to go and you just shake your head.

You didn't have to talk to Colby about anything, because he already knew.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You come to a stop outside a rich looking apartment building, it looks like a fancy hotel.

Sam gets out and you bend down, leaning over Colby as you peer out the window, "Shit." You whisper quietly.

"Do you know this girl, Colby?" You ask leaning back up. Colby shrugs, "I've met her once, I think? It was when we were going meet and greets, she came and hung out with us with for the day, but I barely spoke to her."

"Hmm. Okay." You nod, leaning back against the seat, watching from the corner of your eye as Sam and his lady friend walk around to get in.

There's a perfectly good door.. right there, you think, rolling your eyes subtly as her head dips into view, "Hi Colby."

"Hey. How are ya?" Colby nods and she sits down with a sigh, "I'm actually doing pretty good." Her eyes move to you, "Hi y/n." She tilts her head, "I love the dress you're wearing."

Sam gets in, glancing back at you after closing the door.

Yeah, Sam told me to wear it, is what you want to say, "Thank you, it's the chiffon wrap dress from the new collection that just dropped from Zelenki's."

"Oh, yes! I love their clothing. I just bought a pair of jeans from there the other day. I'm super excited to see them." She smiles, turning towards Sam, "We need to get this guy on their site. He would look so good in some of their button ups."

She points to Sam and you nod, "Yeah, I'm sure he would."

Her face kinda falls for a second before she blinks and brushes her bangs from her face, "So where are we going to celebrate?"

"We decided on Ambiance." Colby says and she claps her hands together, "I love going there." She looks at you, "Y/n, if you're into alcohol, they have the best martini's."

You nod, "You bet I'll be drinking tonight."

Colby taps your leg, trying not to laugh, and you shrug, "To celebrate these guys getting the deal of a lifetime."

"Well, I wouldn't say t- well, you know what. We can say that." Sam laughs, smiling as he looks back at Colby.

Colby reaches up, patting Sam's shoulder, "This year is going to be sick for us."

After arriving to the restaurant, you get out and stand next to Colby. Sam and Lylah walk around and you have to look away, because if you don't, your face will give it away that you think her dress is completely ridiculous.

It looks like a prom dress that's been cut at the thigh.

"Pretty dress." You force a smile and she slides her hand down the front to smooth it out, "Thanks. Sam actually told me to wear it, he said he wanted to do a blue and white thing to kind of match."

Her eyes graze up and down your dress, moving to Sam's outfit as she lays her hand on his chest. You can tell that it really bothers her that you and Sam are the ones who are actually matching.

It's written all over her face.

"Alright." Colby claps his hands together, "Let's go in, because I'm hungry." He wraps his arm around your waist, leading you inside a head of Sam and Laylah.

"Brock and Golbach." Colby tells the host and he nods, "Ah yes. Right this way please."

You follow Colby through the sea of tables, making your way to the one room in the back corner.

"Your waitress will be right with you." The host nods and walks away.

Colby pulls your chair out, allowing you to sit before taking his seat next to yours. Sam sits in front of Colby, Layla in front of you.

"So, she leans forward, the martini I was talking about was this one." She points her pink painted nail onto the little card, "The chocolate martini. It's to die for."

Colby sniffles, hinting that you need to be nice, so you smile, "I think that's what I'll get then. Put your trust to the test." You wink at her and lean back, looking down at your menu.

You really did want to be nice to her, but mainly because Sam asked you to. But, at the same time, he doesn't see what's right in front of him, so you also wanted to kind of give him a, hey, fuck you.

"The pomegranate martini is also really good." You look up at her and she tilts her, "Well then I guess I'll have to put your trust to the test." She smiles and you laugh slightly with a nod, "Alright then."

As time goes on, more friends of Sam and Colby come in, joining the table. Everyone orders and now you're conversing back and forth with different people.

Every so often, your eyes will move towards Sam, and his eyes will meet yours.

Every time, you ask yourself why, and even how can he be so blind?

Colby lays his arm on the top of your chair, Sam's eyes following his movements before bringing his glass to his lips. He looks over at Laylah, leaning in to take a selfie with her.

He smiles that beautiful smile and you force yourself to look away.

"so y/n. Will you be joining the boys on this exciting trip?" Laylah sets her phone down, folding her arms over one another as she leans forward.

You look between Sam and Colby, shrugging slightly, "It's ultimately up to them, but I would lo-"

Sam and Colby speak at the same time, cutting you off, "She's coming."

Not only you, but Laylah raises her brows too, "Well I guess that answers that." She laugh, bringing her wide mouthed glass to her lips, finishing the rest of her drink, "I'm going to go get another one, y/n. Care to join?"

You reach down, grabbing your glass and finishing it, "I would love to." You smile, rising from your seat, smiling to the others as you walk around the long and full table.

"So, anything new with you?" She asks as you walk up to the bar. You shrug, "Nothing really." You laugh, "I mean, nothing more than the trips to investigate the ghostly world."

She nods, "I could never do that." She looks away to raise a hand to the bartender then back to you, "Is it really as scary as the videos make it seem?"

You nod, "Oh yeah. It's one thing to watch it through a screen but it's another thing to actually be there and witness it."

She nods, "Yeah I bet." She turns, "I'll have another pomagranete martini, and she'll have.." she points to you and you lean in, "Make it two."

The bartender nods and Laylah turns back to you, "So I don't really know how to ask this." She laughs, "Um."

"Just ask. I'm an open book." You smile and your smile quickly fades when the words leave her lips, "Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" You tilt your head, slightly confused as to what changed. She clears her throat, "If you have a thing for Sam, I'm going to need you to drop it."

"If I have a- what? What the hell are you talking about?" You laugh, "I don't have a thing for Sam."

"Then why did you dress to match him? Why is it that I find you looking at him every time you think I'm not looking?" She sighs, "I get it, Sam is very, very handsome, and it's okay to be a little jealous, but can you not let your jealousy seep through, because if it happens anymore, it'll literally stain my dress."

You stand there, completely dumbfounded in silence.

She turns, "Oh, thank you." She grabs the glasses, handing one to you, "Cheers." She winks and starts walking back to the table.

You follow her, your cheeks heating up as you become angry at what just happened. You take a calming breath before you pass through the doors, putting on a smile as you walk back around to your seat.

"Everything go okay?" Sam asks and Laylah smiles, glancing up at you, "Oh yeah. Everything is just perfect." She leans over, pressing a kiss to his cheek and you clench your jaw.

You bring your glass to your lips and take a long sip.

"Attention, everyone." Someone at the end of the table stands up as they clink their glass. You lean forward, looking around Colby to see and you smile when you see their friend standing there.

"I just want to say a huge congratulations to Sam and Colby for landing this investigation. This is going to be one of the biggest investigations they've ever done and I cannot be more proud of them, so without further ado, please. Give my pals a huge, huge round of applause."

Sam and Colby stand up, smiling and batting their hands. You reach out, grabbing your phone so you can record a story for Instagram.

You smile as you type the words, congratulations guys. You deserve this so, so, so much!

You tag them and set your phone back down after posting. Colby leans in, "You're a part of this, too. Don't let them saying just us fool you."

You really felt like part of the team, that was until you got back from Italy, but that'll come with time.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

After dinner and an hour or two of talking about Poveglia, the four of you make your way back to the car.

"How long will you be in Italy for?" Laylah asks laying her hand on Sam's shoulder. She twirls his hair around her finger and you roll your eyes as you look away.

"A few days, four at most. We planned on seeing Venice again while we're over that way." Sam looks at her, giving her a smile.

She smiles, her eyes glancing back at you before she runs her hair through his hair, "Do you know when you leave?"

You and Colby look at each other, giving each other a look of disgust.

You knew what she was doing, and she knew it, too.

Sam shrugs, "Probably not for another week or so."

"So we have time to spend together before you flee the country." She giggles, "I mean, that's only if you want to."

Sam nods, "I mean.. I don't see why not." He chuckles and points, "Here, I'll walk you to the door." Sam opens the door when the driver stops and helps her out.

As soon as the door shuts, word vomit.

"When I went up to bar with her to get another drink, she cornered me and pretty much flipped out on me. She said that if I have a thing for Sam I need to drop it and then asked why I dressed to match him and then she said that I took any chance I got when she wasn't look, or I thought she wasn't looking to look at him and then to top it off she said that if anymore jealously seeped out of me it would literally stain her dress."

You take a breath and look at Colby who's staring at you, "I'm sorry, what?"

"She basically sa-" you stop talking as soon as the door opens again, and Sam gets back in, turning around to look at you, "So did you have fun?"

"Oh yeah." You raise your brows, "So much fun."

The driver starts to drive you guys back home.

"Are you okay?" Sam asks and you look up, ready to snap but you bite your tongue, "I'm fine, I just.. have a headache."

"Mm." Sam nods and turns back around. He brings his phone up, "What the fuck?"

"What's going on, Sam?" Colby asks and Sam face his phone towards you and Colby, "She's literally blowing up my phone."

"Why?" You ask, and Sam scoffs, "Why is she saying that you cornered her at the bar?"

"I didn't. If you want the truth she cornered me. I literally just told Colby everything that happened as soon as you got out." You motion towards Colby, "She accused me of liking you and basically said that I dressed to match you on purpose which, Sam. If I'm correct. You told me to wear this fucking dress."

"Let's not argue in here, please." Colby says trying to defuse the situation.

"Who said we're arguing?" You and Sam say the same time and you both huff.

"Exactly." Colby shakes his head, "Can we just wait until we get h-"

"Why would she say that you did though?" Sam looks at you and you shrug, "I don't know, maybe because she knows that we're close and I was bound to tell you?"

"Were you going to tell me?" Sam tilts his head and you shake your head, "No."

"Why?"

"Because Sam. I don't really think it matters, does it." You snap and the driver awkwardly puts his hand up, "You guys are uh.." he clears his throat, "Home."

"Thank you." You all say in unison. Colby gets out and helps you out and Sam comes around, ready to keep going but you walk away.

"Really?" He says loudly, "You're just going to walk away?" We need to talk about this."

"Can we do this inside?" Colby tries again but you stop in your tracks, turning around on your heels to walk back to him, "Do you really want to know why it's really not that important Sam?"

"Guys come on." Colby groans, "Please."

Ignoring Colby, Sam nods, "Yeah. I really do."

"Because you're bound to take your new girlfriend's side anyway, so why does hearing my side even matter?" You throw your arms up, "I've been trying to get-"

You stop talking and Sam tilts his head, "Trying to get what, y/n." Sam says plainly and you snort, "I don't even.." you shake your head, "You're so blind to certain things in front of you, that you just.."

You shake your head, "I can't do this. I can't do this right now." You blink away the tears that are forming quickly and turn to go inside.

Colby is standing there with the door already open and you barge past him. Sam on your tail calling out for you, "Y/n. Wait. Wait."

You stop halfway up the steps, "it doesn't. Matter. Sam. What don't you get."

He gets pissed, "Fine. Then don't fucking tell me. If you just want to run from this like you run from everything else th-" he stops talking, quickly coming to the realization that what he said was not what he wanted to come out.

You stand there, letting the tears you tried to blink away, fall, "Fuck. You."

You turn, running up to your room, shutting the door with a slam. You grab a suitcase, sobbing as you begin to throw clothes into it.

You hear footsteps come to your door and you sniffle, holding your breath so you can try and hear who it is.

There's a knock and you sigh, nose stuffy, "Go away, Sam." You wipe your cheek with your palm and Colby speaks from the other side of the door, "It's not Sam."

You take a second, hesitating to open the door but you give in. You walk over, cracking the door open and walking away to sit on your bed.

He slips in, not opening the door more than he has to, "Hey."

You sniffle, laughing slightly, "Hey."

He walks over, sitting next to you, "Are you-"

He stops talking as you look at him with a mascara streaked face. He nods, "Right. Yeah." You shake your head, looking towards the door, "What happened to us?"

"Us? You and me were fine." He smirks and you smile slightly, "You know what I mean."

He nods, "I don't think anything happened, y/n. I think.." he pauses and you look at him, "Just say it. I know you already know so just.." you push your hands out in front of you, "Lay it on me. Can't do much more damage."

"I'm just going to tell you what I think is happening, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, okay?" He look at you and you nod.

He nods, "Okay, so what I think happened, is that you are sick of Sam not seeing that you're in love with him."

Colby's words hurt, and the fact that they're true, makes it hurt even worse.

You nod, silently as you try not to cry.

"I also think, now, I love Sam to death, and I will tell you in true honestly that I did call him out on this, but I think Sam has led you on in a way." Colby looks over to the door and back to you.

"He's not on the other side of the door listening is he?" You point to it and Colby shakes his head, "No. he's in his room, waiting for his turn with therapist Colby."

You laugh slightly, taking in a sharp breath as your urge to cry comes back, "I just.." your voice cracks with your words, "I can't keep doing this."

"I know." Colby whispers, laying his arm around your shoulder, "I know."

"The constant flirting, him telling me to wear a dress that matches him without even telling me it matches and then completely blindsiding me with, oh he wanted to do a blue and white matching theme, fuck that."

You stand up, "I just don't-" you lay your hand on your face, "We go from being so close to kissing to this?" You gently fling your arms, "I jus-" you take a deep breath, "Have fun in Italy, call me when you can."

You zip your suit case and Colby grabs it, "No, I want you to come."

"I can't be around him, Colby. As much as I want to, I just.. it'll ruin everything."

"Everything already is ruined. Sam isn't going to forgive himself for what he said." Colby stands up and you shrug, "He can figure that out on his own. I'm done trying to get myself out of these feelings. I'm done trying to act like it's okay for him to hug me from behind then act like we're friends who just met, I'm just.. done trying to get him to love me.."

You look at Colby, "I'm done trying."

Colby frowns, "Y/n."

"I'm serious Colby, I'll come get the rest of my stuff when you guys leave for Italy." You pull the handle out from your suitcase and shake your head, "Make sure to tell him everything I said."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

It's been two days since they've left for Italy.

As you're lying in bed, in your room at their house, your pillow soaked from your tears that you can't turn off, your mind slips into the good memories of you and Sam.

"No. You can't be serious, Sam." You laugh, reaching across his body for grab a card.

He watches you as you slowly lean back, "What's it say?"

"It says.. what was the last dirty message you received?" You bite your lip and tilt your head. He copies your motion and raises his eyebrows, "Can I skip?"

You shake your head, "No way, Golbach. Spill it or.." You smirk, "Take three shots." He presses his lips together and tilts his head back, looking down his nose at you, "Gimme the bottle, baby."

You bite your lip as you reach for the bottle, sliding it across the table to stop in front of him.

He pours a shot, takes it. Then another, then the third and final shot, "Now what?" He leans in, "Are you going to tell me yours?"

Your eyes move from his lips to his eyes, "What if I say no?" You bite your lip and he shrugs, raising his eyebrows, "You tell me."

You back away from each other as Colby comes down the steps, "You're playing without me? Thanks for the invite I guess."

You roll onto your other side, trying to escape them, but you just can't.

"Whatcha doin?" Sam asks waking into the kitchen. You smile as you continue to scrub the glass dish, "Dishes."

"You know we have a dishwasher, right?" He laughs and you look over at him, "Not everything is dishwasher safe, Sam."

"I'm just saying.. nothing has broken on me.. yet." He laughs and walks up behind you, "Watcha listenin' to?"

You laugh, "Music."

You feel him walk up behind you and your scrubbing gradually slows down, "Why don't you take a break, I'm sure you've done enough damage on that dish, and dance with me."

You set the dish down and look at him over your shoulder, "What?"

He grabs your waist, spinning you around, "You heard me." He smiles and takes your bubble covered hand into his, his other hand still on your hip.

He pulls you a step out away from the sink and pulls you along with him. He laughs as he steps back, sliding his other hand into hours and you lift your arms, laughing as he spins you around.

He pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around your neck, "You know, you're fun to hang out with."

You sob into your pillow, angry at Sam all over again.

Your phone dings, and you assume that it's probably just Colby, giving you hourly updates on how their investigation is going.

You lift your head, picking up your phone when it chimes again.

Sam: I'm sorry

You force out a laugh, trying not to cry, "Don't do this." You close your eyes, "I can't." You whisper, clearing his message from your Home Screen.

You sit up, looking around at your half packed room.

You wanted to be out by the time they got back, you told Colby you were leaving, you also told him not to tell Sam.

As you stand up, throwing things into a box, your phone dings, and then a few more times, and you groan, "I swear to.. fuck." You groan, leaning down to grab it, eyes watering at each message you read.

Sam: I want you so much. You're all I fucking think about. please. Talk to me. I need to I don't know, explain my self I guess? I wasn't ready I didn't think I was ready to actually settle down and I know that's what you want or wanted with me Y/n Please don't just read these

An incoming call from Colby interrupts your stare at the texts that are still coming through, "Hello?"

"Please don't kill him." Colby says frantic on the other end of the phone. You furrow your brows, sniffling, obvious that you've been doing nothing but crying, "What are you-"

There's banging on the front door.

Loud, repetitive, non stop banging.

"What's fucking happening?" You pull your phone away from your ear, seeing Sam's texts,

Open the door I left everything in Italy

You put the phone back up to your ear, "Why is he here"

Colby sighs, "Just talk to him."

"No." You snap and Colby talks immediately, "Look, y/n. Neither one of us can do this investigation. We have to convince the people who own this to reschedule our visit. Sam couldn't keep it together for the intro."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Now please." He sighs, "Just go. Open. The door."

"Fine." You hang up, making your way down the steps. You move the curtain on the door and look out at a soaking wet Sam.

"Please." His words are muffled from the door being shut, but you can still tell what he's saying, "I love you."

You clench your jaw, unlocking the door and opening it, "Where was that before all of this?" You step out side the door, the pouring rain coming down onto you now, "do you know how painful it was to have feelings for someone you can't be with?"

"Y/n." Sam shrugs, lifting his hands from his sides, but you keep going, "Do you know how many times, I've wished for you to not be in love with someone else? Then you go and hang out with a girl at a place you took me to first?"

"I'm sorry." His voice cracks, "Just please.. let-"

"I was jealous that night Sam, the night you asked me to play nice with your new girlfriend, Laylah. I was so fucking jealous Sam. But do you know how fucking stupid I felt? Being jealous over someone that wasn't even mine?"

He nods and you scoff, "I don't think you do because if you would have asked me to be yours, I would have said yes in a fucking heartbeat and don't even come back with the you should have asked me, because I know damn well that you could tell I loved you, Colby even picked up on it before you did."

Sam stands there, staring at you, eyes red from crying.

Hair dripping wet from the rain, you can't judge him because you look the same way.

"We're almost the literal definition of he likes her, she likes him. It's obvious to everyone except them.. but the only difference is, I knew what I wanted. I wanted you and all you did was lead me on."

Tears mix in with the beads of rain that form on your cheeks, your voice breaking, "It shouldn't have come to this, Sam."

You stand still as he walks up to you, "Y/n."

"It.." you sniffle, "It feels like you destroyed me, Sam."

"Let me fix it." He mumbles as he slides his hands over your cheeks, tilting your head up so you can look at him, "Please." He rests his forehead against yours, "Let me fix it."

"There's nothing-"

He cuts you off, "Don't say there's nothing to do. Because there's everything to do."

You sob quietly, his hands still on your cheeks. His thumbs brush gently over your wet skin, "I called whatever it was off with Laylah the night we got into it. The night you left me."

Your eyes meet his, "Why."

"Because I knew that my forever was walking out that door and I knew I had to do everything in my power to get it back." He sniffles, "You've supported me since day one. You've loved me.. since day one."

"Why now, Sam? Why after you flew all the way to Italy? Why after it took me telling Colby I was done with everything? It shouldn't have come to this."

He doesn't say anything, the rain smacking against the pavement fills your ears.

You reach up, grabbing his wrists to pull them away but he presses his lips to yours.

As much as you want to pull away, you can't.

"Sam." You slide your hands around his neck, lips moving with his as he slides his hands down to pull your hips against his.

"Please." He whispers, sniffling as he gently brushes his nose again your cheek, "Y/n."

You stay silent, the only sound that comes from you is a few sniffles.

"I can't do anything without you." Sam wipes your cheeks with his thumbs, "I wish I knew how stupid I was being. I tried to push you away because I didn't want to hurt you. I wasn't ready, but y/n, sweetheart, the risk of you walking out of my life forever has made me realize that I want you. I want you in so many ways, it's actually kind of insane."

You look up at him, "It shouldn't have taken.. this.. for you to finally realize what you want, Sam."

He shakes his head, "I won't ever let it get to that point ever again, because you're mine." He lifts you up, your legs hugging his waist like they've always dreamed of doing.

Your arms snake around his neck, not saying another word as he walks through the door, kicking it closed, "I promise."

You lean in, hugging him as he walks over to the couch. He sits down and you moving your legs to straddle his lap.

You lean back, hands sliding around his neck to cup his wet cheeks. Your eyes move around his face, back and forth between his eyes before you lean in, pressing your lips to his.

The heat you have always dreamed up, felt every time your eyes met his, is there.

And it's hotter than ever.

"I love you." Sam whimpers against your lips, "I'm so sorry."

You shake your head, "We can talk later. Right now.. I just.." you rest your forehead against his, "Wanna be with you."

He nods, sweeping your body over to lay under his. His lips kiss from your him, down your neck, "I wish.. I knew how to love you like this before."

You run a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say. He kisses back up to your lips, "Do you want to do this?"

You nod, tugging at his shirt, "Please."

He leans up, pulling his soaked shirt up over his body and tossing it onto the floor. You sit up and he does the same to your shirt, "You're so fucking beautiful."

His lips reconnect to yours and you moan quietly as he slowly grinds against you. He kisses back to your ear, his voice quiet, almost sounding like it's going to break, "You were the only girl I could ever think about."

Your eyes start to burn and you turn your head, reaching up to grab his so you can turn it towards you and kiss you.

The kiss is hot. Full of passion.

It's what you wanted all along.

He slides his hands down, slipping them into your rain soaked sweatpants. He pulls them down your legs, and reaches for the button on his pants, popping them open as he leans back down to kiss you.

He stands up, discarding his wet jeans to the floor before hovering his body back over yours.

He pushes his boxers down, just enough for his cock to spring free and he slips your panties to the side. Not wasting another second, he drops his head to your shoulder as he slowly slips his cock into you, burying it deep inside with a groan.

You gasp, clinging to him as you tighten your legs around his waist, breathing out a whiney, "Sam."

His nose brushes against your cheek as he lifts his head, "I love you, I'm so sorry." He pulls out, slowly thrusting back in, "I'm so sorry."

You wrap your arms around his neck, gasping with each thrust into you, "I love you." Your voice breaks, a small moan following after, "I've always loved you."

"I wish I knew I could have loved you like this." He kisses down your neck and back up, groaning lowly in your ear, "I wish I knew what I was risking."

You squeeze your eyes shut, a tear slipping down and falling down your cheek, "Don't ever.." you tangle your fingers in his hair, "Don't ever leave."

"Never." He pulls one of your hands down, interlocking it with his against your head as he lifts his to look at you, "I love you. No one could ever take your place."

You smile slightly and nod, "I'm holding you to it."

"As long as you need, baby." Sam smiles and sighs, "You were made for me." He kisses your lips, groaning against them as he thrusts harder but still slow.

You drag your nails up his back, moaning as he moves his head down to suck a mark into your neck.

His grip on your hand tightens, "I love you so fucking much."

You weren't ever going to get sick of hearing that.

You were relieved to finally be hearing it in the first place.

"I love you." You whisper, moaning as he lets go of your hand to bring it down to squeeze your boob. You tug his hair, arching your back as much as you can against his, "S-Sam."

"Cum with me, babe. Can you hold it?" He rests his forehead against yours as his fingers twist your nipple between his fingers.

You whimper, giving his a slight nod and he hums in response, "Almost there, sweetheart."

He thrusts a few moments longer before he kisses your cheek a few times, "Okay, okay, let go for me. Cum for me." His voice is quiet and his thrusts slow down as he feels you clench around him.

You let out a loud moan, pulling him into you as your nails dig into his skin.

He groans, pulling you closer by the hips, "F-fuck, fuck." He pulls out, letting his cum spill onto your lower stomach with a low moan.

You rest your head back, breathing heavy as your body relaxes.

He reaches down, grabbing his damp shirt and wiping you off. He tosses it down and holds his hand out, "Come here."

He pulls you to a sitting position and you immediately fall into him. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly, "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize."

"Better late than never, right?" You look up at him and he nods, "I guess." He smiles, pressing his lips to your forehead, "Go get a shower, standing out in the rain might get you sick."

"Only if you'll come with me. I'm not doing anything without you for a while."

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Genuinely sorry if this sucked. I'm not sure how I feel about it, honestly. So tell me how you liked it.

As always, thanks for reading & I love you!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated 🖤

[patscorner]

Kk x reader with small chest(?)

I'm just feeling a little insecure

here you go!

Sexiest Woman Alive

Summary: You ignore KK's advice and go into the comment section of your own Instagram post.

wc: 1,194

contains: insecurities, crying, suggestive towards the end

(Just a reminder that regardless of what you look like, your skin, your gender, your race, your ethnicity, you are beautiful. Flaws and all. Stay safe, yall)

______________________________

You know it’s a stupid reason to be upset. But that doesn’t stop it from bothering you, so much so that you’re curled up in your college dorm bed, tears falling down your face as you silently cry.

The comments usually didn’t get to you like this, but this one cut deep. You had posted a little photo dump on instagram, some of your girlfriend at practice, some of the scenery on the way to one of KK’s away games, and you posing next to her in a semi-revealing bikini. Normally, you listened to KK’s advice and stayed out of the comment section, but tonight, you were curious.

Most of the comments were light-hearted, some applauding your guys’ relationship, some of the Uconn team members messing around. KK had even commented two heart eyes emojis, showing her love for her girlfriend.

But, of course, where there’s lightning, there’s thunder.

At first, you laughed the hateful comments off, noting they were in your comment section and not in your actual life. But eventually, they started to hurt, and even though you knew you should’ve turned your phone off then, you kept scrolling.

user: Ew, why does she look like that

-user75: it*

user2: Cut the photo in half and keep kk

-user68: right

user17: her tits r so small

-user62: thats what I’ve been saying

–user930: No literally love her confidence tho

—user29: if yall are jealous jus say that

Of course, these shouldn’t affect you. They're just words of people who couldn’t hold a candle to you in real life. But, they hit where you hurt the most. Your body image is always something you always struggled with, always focusing on your flaws in a negative light instead of seeing them as a part of who you are.

Your insecurities got better once you started dating KK, as she always told you how much she loved the way you looked, constantly reassuring you that you were the most beautiful woman she’d ever laid eyes on. Even when you didn’t ask, she’d compliment the way you looked, whether you were all dolled up or just in a regular sweats and hoodie.

Eventually, you started to believe her, and you started to love yourself and embrace your flaws. You started enjoying going out more, taking more selfies, and posting yourself on the internet.

But even if you’ve laced your shoes up, you can still trip.

So you had your moments, days when you hated going out, and times when you’d break down in KK’s arms because you felt like you were the ugliest person in the world, something that should be hidden.

This was one of these moments. You pull your legs up to your chest, broken sobs crawling from your throat as you stare at your phone.

You were crying so hard, you didn’t hear your girlfriend get back from practice. She uses her spare key to open your front door. She calls your name, and when you don’t respond, she knows something is wrong, as you are usually wide awake much later than this. So after she sets her keys and bag down, she goes to check on you.

KK slowly opens your door, and her eyes widen when your sobs reach her ears.

“Baby? Baby, what’s wrong?” she makes her way over to you and pulls you into her arms. Her concern only makes you cry harder because you know you caused her this worry.

“Th-they were so-and for no reas- I, I don’t- I don’t-” you attempt to explain why you were bawling your eyes out, but when you fail, you groan in frustration, hands tugging at your hair.

“Shhh, it’s okay, just breathe, baby. It’ll all be okay.” KK whispers, grabbing your wrists and pulling them away from your hair.

She adjusts her body and sits up against the headboard before lifting you up and placing you on her lap. You put your head on her chest as you sobbed, knuckles white from the death grip you had on her hoodie. She shushed you as she rubbed her fingers up and down your back soothingly. Once your sobs turned into sniffles, she knew you’d calmed down enough to actually speak to her.

Her hands made their way to the sides of your torso, and she pulled you away from her. KK wiped the tears from your cheeks, cupping your cheeks. “Baby, talk to me, please. What’s going on?” her voice was laced with anxiety as she looked at you, clearly distressed.

You run your hands over your face before mumbling: “It’s so stupid.”

“If it’s got you crying like this, it can’t be stupid. Nothing that makes you this upset is ever stupid.” she reassures, rubbing comforting circles on your hips.

You sigh, grabbing your phone. KK sighs deeply, already having an idea as to where this was going. She knew about your body image issues, which is another reason she told you to stay out of comment sections.

“Baby.” KK said, looking at you disappointedly. “What did we say?”

“I know.” you said, but you show her your phone anyway. She took it from you, and after scrolling a bit, she clicked your phone off and threw it on the bed haphazardly. She sighs as her hands rub up and down your sides.

“These people don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. You are one of the smartest, prettiest, gorgeous, funniest girls I’ve ever laid eyes on. No matter what you're wearing, you never fail to make me fall in love over and over again when I see you.” You’re crying again, but this time for a different reason.

“It breaks my heart to see you cry, baby. You can’t do this to yourself. There’s always gonna be something negative that some fucked up rat has to say about you and your body, but none of that matters. Because you are beautiful inside and out, despite what they say.” she finishes her rant by pulling you into another hug.

“I love you.” Is all you manage to say before tears start to fall again.

“I love you, too, pretty girl.” KK whispers, rubbing her hands up and down your thighs.

You pull away and put your hands on her jawline before pulling her into a passionate kiss. She sighs into the kiss, placing her hands on your waist. “Thank you, my love.” You whisper as you pull away.

KK smiles, blushing slightly at the name. “Just speaking the truth, baby.” she shrugged. You laughed lightly before pulling her into another kiss. Except this one is different than the last, more needy and desperate. You instinctively move your hips on hers, smiling as she groans into the kiss.

“I mean it, you’re the sexiest woman I've ever seen.” she says, before kissing your neck. “Yeah?” you say breathlessly. KK hummed against you, nipping your skin, sucking gently. There would definitely be marks there later.

You gasp as she flips you over on your back, and she smashes her lips against yours again. “Let me show you how sexy you are.” she mumbles. You hum in agreement.

And that night, she makes you feel on top of the world.

______________________________

taglist: @bueckerslover @wintersstan @lilia22hicks @fake-intelligences @breeloveschris

[m6ttsturniolo]

"say cheese!"

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: smut, language

word count: 3,215

link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51599746

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Meeting the triplets after being a fan for almost three years was something you would have never imagined happening and now that it is, your stomach is in knots. You had been anxiously waiting in line for nearly 6 hours and it was time to go inside. 

You were led inside and being the first of hundreds to meet them today was causing your hands to get clammy and your legs began shaking. You looked into the room ahead of you, noticing Chris, then Matt, then Nick. They were joking around waiting to meet fans while you were standing there on the verge of passing out from being so nervous.

“Alright, are you ready?” you get snapped out of your anxious thoughts as the security guard lets you know that it’s time to meet the boys.

“Uh…uhm…y-yeah sure yeah.” You stuttered as the security guard motioned toward the door, signaling you to go inside. 

“Hi! How are you?” Chris had his arms wide open and a toothy grin plastered on his face. 

“I’m good! How are you liking tour so far?” You responded while hugging him tightly. You pulled away and were met with bright blue eyes.

“I love it man, I appreciate you coming.” He says as he begins signing a photo for you. “You wanna take a selfie?” He looks at you again.

“Yeah! Can you take it though?” Your hands were shaking and you didn’t want to risk blurring the picture.

He takes your phone from your hand.

“I got you.” He takes a few selfies and hands your phone back. “Bam! See you out there.”

You give him a quick smile grabbing the signature and walking away. You look up and Matt is already standing with his arms wide open.

“Hello!” He pulls you into a tight hug which causes your face to grow red. “How are you? You look cold, how long have you been out there?” He giggles, crossing his arms waiting for your response.

“Like six hours, the shit I do for you.” you rolled your eyes earning a small laugh from him.

“Shit really? Anything else you would do for me?” He smirked down at you as your heart began racing and your face grew even more red.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You kept your cool, you didn’t want him to know the effect he has on you.

“Sassy. I like it.” He looks away and begins signing the picture while humming a tune. He flipped over the picture and began writing something else but you were too distracted to notice. You couldn’t help but let your eyes wander to his hands, the veins protruding out and his fingers long and slender. God you so badly want those fingers in yo-

“You okay?” He scoffs and pulls you out of your trance and you realize he caught you staring.

“Yeah ‘m fine.” You grab the signed photo and start walking away before he grabs your arm.

“Wait, we didn't take our selfie, pretty girl” He smirks at you, hand still grasped around your forearm. 

“Who said I wanted one?” You snap back. Where did this sudden confidence come from?

“Guess we’ll just have to get one later then.” He lets go of your arm and lets you walk away before welcoming another girl into a hug. 

Later? What was later? You didn’t get backstage and you knew you couldn’t take selfies during red carpet. Maybe he just assumed you had backstage. Oh well.

You walked up to Nick and hugged him, you started talking to him about photography and how he has inspired you to get into it. You chatted for a bit before taking your selfies and walking out. You waited in another line for red carpet and sat on the ground looking through your pictures, kind of sad you decided to act too good for Matt because now there is no photo with him. 

You decided to turn your phone off to save battery and started spacing out and fidgeting with the signed photos from the triplets. One of them slipped off your lap and as you picked it up, you realized there was something written on the back of it. It was Matt’s handwriting. 

“Come backstage after the show, tell them I sent you.” You read the messy handwriting and smiled to yourself. 

Nearly two hours pass before you hear girls screaming and you turn your head. You see the triplets walk out to the red carpet and your heart starts racing again. How are you supposed to face Matt after all of this?

You stand up and look towards the red carpet, Matt’s eyes are already on you. You make eye contact and he tries to hide a smile as he turns away, whispering something to Chris. 

“Alright you’re up.” One of the security guards says and you walk past him, putting your bag on the table and walking up to Chris. His toothy grin is back again, welcoming you into a warm hug. 

“Nice to see you again!” He says as you hug him back, looking forward where Matt is already looking right back at you, a smug look plastered across his face that he tried to disguise by licking his lips. You let go of Chris and went to hug Matt. His hands wrapped around you tightly as he rocked you back and forth, chin resting on the top of your head while your head was pressed to his chest. 

“Hi again.” He pulls away, hand now resting on your lower back. 

“Miss me or something?” You say back, same attitude lingering in your tone.

“I guess you could say that.” He smiles as you walk away towards Nick, hugging him and saying your hello’s. 

You get into position for the photo, placing yourself between Matt and Nick. You feel a warm hand rest on your hip and jump slightly. You turn to look at Matt but he’s faced ahead smiling, pretending he’s not fully gripping your hip right now. You look back at the camera and smile, saying your goodbyes and entering the pit waiting for the show. 

During the show you could have sworn Matt was stealing glances in your direction the entire time. But there were so many people there, he definitely wasn’t looking at you, right? 

The show ended and a deep sadness grew in your gut. You gathered your things and waited for the crowd to move so you could get out. That’s when you remembered Matt told you to come backstage and suddenly that sadness in your gut turned into butterflies. 

You quickly shoved your way through the crowd and found your way to the line for backstage. There were around 25 people total meaning you wouldn’t be alone but it was still so exciting. The security guards handed out passes and assigned groups, yours being the third and last one. 

As the second group comes out, you realize it is only you and three other people going in. The security guard motions the four of you inside, the nerves hitting you once again. 

You decided to save Matt for last so you talk to Chris for a few minutes, taking selfies and making TikToks. You then walk over to Nick doing the same thing. 

“Alright, 1 more minute wrap it up.” The security guard announces. 

“Fuck how has it already been 9 minutes?” You thought as you turn around, Matt meeting your gaze. You gave him a sad look as you walked towards him.

“Ran outta time huh?” He says as you let out a disappointed sigh. 

“Ugh I’m sorry I really wanted to talk to you and get that picture.” You rolled your eyes and he let out a small chuckle. 

“Don’t worry I have an idea.” He walks over to Laura, then Nick, then Chris. You were a bit confused until he came back over to you grabbing your wrist and rushing you out the back door. 

“Woah, hold on, what just happened?” You ask as you’re being dragged into the cold night air.

“Told ‘em I didn’t feel good and to do the second red carpet meet and greet without me.” He tells you, still walking quickly with his hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Matt you can’t do that, they paid money to meet you!” You see the black tour bus in your line of sight and suddenly realize that’s your destination. 

“I’ll give them free merch or something whatever it’s fine.” You reach the tour bus and he lets your wrist go, opening the door motioning for you to get inside. 

“Okay what are we do-”

Matt cups your face with his hands and kisses you passionately.

“Been waiting to do that all night” His eyes glance between your eyes and your lips a few times before you pull him back into a heated makeout session. 

His hands travel downwards, gripping your ass and pulling you against him so you can feel how hard he is. You let out a moan that is quickly swallowed by another kiss. He sits down on the couch.

“On your knees baby” He slowly pushes you to the floor of the tour bus. His bulge is now right in front of your face and you look up at him with innocence, acting like you have no idea what he wants.

“Don’t pull that shit you know you want this” He starts unbuckling his belt before you push his hands away and do it for him, causing a low groan to slip from his lips.

“Knew you were a slut from the second I laid eyes on you.” He brushes the hair out of your face and gathers it into his hand.

You slowly pulled his pants down, noticing precum seeping through his red boxers. You look up at him with the same innocent look as you slowly palm him through his boxers.

“Mmm fuck. Such a good girl for me.” He bites his lip while looking down at you, making you eager to see what other noises you can pull from him.

You pull his boxers down and his cock springs against his stomach. The tip is an angry red, begging to be touched. Begging to be sucked. You look at it for a few seconds, trying to figure out how you’re going to fit it all in your mouth without gagging. That’s when Matt grips your hair tighter.

“You gonna sit there and stare at it all night or are you gonna be a good girl and let me use your throat” He presses his thumb to your lower lip, causing you to open your mouth and suck on it. 

“Good girl, just like that.”

You pull your mouth off of his thumb with a pop and gain enough confidence to take the base of his cock in your hand. You kiss the tip, feeling Matt’s hips shudder from the much needed attention. You give his cock a few kitten licks before taking it into your mouth. 

You take as much as you can before gagging, pulling off a bit before trying again. 

“Fuck baby c’mon you can do it be a good little slut for me.”

The praise goes straight to your pussy and his cock is now down your throat, your nose buried in his pubes. You stay there for a moment, letting your throat adjust while tears fill your eyes and you fight your gag reflex. 

“OH FUCK. Fuck baby holy shit mmm.”

You begin moving up and down the shaft, deepthroating him to the best of your ability. The obscene squelching sound fills the bus as you place your hands on his thighs to stabilize yourself. 

Matt lets out a few low grunts before roughly pulling your hair back, saliva still connecting your mouth with his cock. “Gonna cum, wanna save it for that pretty pussy.” 

“Please Matt, need you.” You look up at him, mascara running down your cheeks, lips red and swollen.

“My poor baby. So needy for my cock, huh?” He places his hand on your jaw and strokes your cheek with his thumb. 

“Mhm please need it so wet for you.” Tears continue falling down your face from how bad you want him. You didn’t realize but you’ve been grinding against his leg and you can feel your panties getting soaked. 

“C’mere baby I got you, you’re okay.” He says in a soft voice, leaning over to pick you up and onto his lap because there’s no way you’d be able to stand on your own right now. 

“Can you be a good girl and ride me?” He rubs up and down your back. You let out a small cry and bury your head into the crook of his neck.

“Can’t. Legs too tired.” You whined into his neck. He lets out a small laugh.

“C’mon baby you can do it I’ll help, okay? Promise. I got you.” He continues rubbing your back and you lift your head, looking at him with teary eyes.

“Mkay please help me, need you so bad Matty.” You begin rocking your hips against him. He lifts you up, holding your hips so you don’t fall over. He slowly pulls down your jeans and panties at the same time and pulls you back onto him.

“Fuck baby you’re already so wet and I haven’t even touched you yet. He feels your wet pussy against his cock and you begin grinding yourself on his shaft. The friction feels good but you need more.

“Want more. Please. Need you to fill me up please fuck me.” You slurred your words, begging him to fuck you already. With that, he lifts you up so that he can place his cock at your entrance. You start sinking down a little too fast, whimpering and burying your head back in the crook of his neck.

“Shh baby go slow, you got it. I got you baby, you're okay.” He traces soft circles onto your hips slowly guiding you down further. Your hips finally make contact and you simultaneously let out a low moan. You lift yourself up and down, slowly getting used to the burning stretch. When the pleasure takes over, you begin speeding up while letting out high pitched moans.

“So good baby fuck. Look at you taking me so well like a good little slut. Using my cock to get off huh? So fucking good.” He says between grunts, his grip tightening on your hips. 

Your legs begin to shake and you collapse on top of him, too tired to continue.

“Aww poor baby just wants to be used instead of putting in the work.” He flips you over in one swift motion so that you’re laying on the couch and places your legs over his shoulders. He strokes his cock a few times before placing it back inside of you, slamming it in this time which makes you let out a scream. You feel a harsh slap across your cheek.

“Shut the fuck up do you want people outside to hear?” He continues thrusting in and out roughly. “Oh I bet you do, want everyone to hear how good I’m making you feel? Want everyone to know what a slut you are for me?”

All that comes out of your mouth are choked sobs and whimpers, he’s hitting your g spot over and over again which makes you dizzy.

He places his hand on your neck and begins squeezing and you swear you might pass out until…

“Open your mouth.” He grips your jaw with his other hand and your eyes grow wide.

“I said open your fucking mouth.” You do as he says, opening your mouth just like he asked. He spits in your mouth and sticks two fingers inside. He begins fucking your mouth with his fingers while fucking into your pussy so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week.

“God you’re so pretty. Wish you could see how fucked out you look right now baby. All for me. All mine.” He says, continuing fucking you and pulls his fingers out of your mouth. He reaches his saliva-covered fingers between you and finds your clit. He starts rubbing you fast, causing you to let out more screams, your whole body shaking from the pleasure.

“That’s it baby there you go. You gonna cum for me? Gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock?” You reach up to grab onto him as you feel yourself about to climax. Your pussy clenches around him as he continues thrusting and you reach your orgasm. 

“OH FUCK yes baby fuck let it go. Cum for me.” Your mouth is open in a silent moan, shaking as you come down from your high. He removes his hands from your neck and clit but Matt doesn’t stop thrusting inside of you.

“Matt, stop please! Too sensitive!” You screamed, pushing his chest in attempt to get him to stop.

“Gonna need a safeword if you really want me to stop baby” He slowed his hips and you just looked at him and whined, not really wanting him to stop. He giggled and sped up his pace.

“FUCK BABY. So fucking tight gonna fill you up.” He throws his head back and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Yes Matt please! Please cum in me. Fill me up, want your cum.” Your words are enough to push him over the edge and as he stills his movements, you feel his hot cum fill your insides. You both let out moans and he collapses on top of you. You lay like this for a few minutes before he slowly pulls out. You wince from the loss and he pulls his head up to leave a soft kiss on your nose.

“You did so good for me baby” He says as he strokes your cheek with his thumb and plants a kiss on your lips. You gave him a tired smile and looked into his eyes.

“You know, we never got that selfie.” You joked, raising your eyebrows at him. He gets up and grabs your phone from your pants pocket. He sits back down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. 

“Say cheese!” He says as he angles the phone up and snaps a picture of you together, your face pressed against his and your arms around his neck. 

“Now you have a picture to remember the time I fucked you so good that you cried” He laughs and hands you your phone. You playfully smack his arm before kissing him softly.

“YO WE BACK!” Chris’ voice travels as we hear footsteps coming onto the tour bus.

“FUCK. Um… bathroom! Go!” Matt grabs your clothes and rushes to the bathroom.

“Chris what the fuck can you guys wait outside for like 2 seconds?” Matt shouts from the tiny bathroom you’re both squished in.

You hear footsteps exit the tour bus.

“Matt’s gettin pussy give him a minute” He giggles to Nick and Nick makes a disgusted noise and slams the door of the bus.

“See you next tour?” Matt says as you both put your clothes on.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You smile at him and walk off the tour bus. 

[aresverse]

PROMISE

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Pedri González x BIPOC!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Being in your room for the first time makes Pedri realize how your relationship is changing.

This is my first time writing for Pedri, as well as writing in a longggg while. Enjoy. :)

I do not own this gif, full credit to creator.

Pedri stood outside of the doorway, watching you get comfortable in your own room while he shifted from side to side on his feet. His hands twitched with anxiousness and he could feel the slick sweat begin to moisten in between the space of his fingers. He had never been in your room before, only dating you for a few months now and because of the strictness of your parents, he’d only now been granted access to the upstairs of your home.

He hadn’t moved a muscle, not even when you noticed. “Are you sure this is okay?” Pedri mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to act nonchalant, hoping that you could feel the calm and collected exterior he was trying to fake.

Unfortunately for him, you already knew him like the back of your hand.

“Pedri,” You laughed softly with a shake of your head. “Of course, it’s okay. Entra, por favor.”

Pedri couldn’t stop the noise of discomfort that rose from the back of his throat, as quiet as it was, while he slowly walked into the room. His eyes didn’t meet yours yet, instead focusing on the room that he’d only seen few bits and pieces of in the selfies you’d send him. He looked around—trinkets of your favorite interests tastefully decorated, photos and posters taped around the room, and perfectly painted walls of your favorite color that just made sense to him.

His eyes finally met yours, his lips curling upward as he tried to emulate your smile, but he was far too overcome with bashfulness to meet you half way. He sat down beside you on your bed, after you had patted the spot next to you, with his hands planted on his lap as he looked anywhere but you. “I, um,” Pedri stumbled over his words slightly, a quiet laugh escaping his lips to ease how fidgety he felt now. “Me gusta tu habitación.”

You murmured a gentle ‘thank you’, now concerned about his coy disposition. Your index finger tucked underneath his chin as you turned his head to face you; his brown eyes were soft, but his teeth gnawed at his bottom lip, a habit that he couldn’t kick when he was nervous. “¿Qué pasa, cariño?” You asked, brows furrowing as your lips flipped into a worried frown.

Pedri shrugged, unable to find to words, though they danced along his tongue. He was nervous and he knew he was being painfully awkward—something the sweat on his hands wouldn’t let him forget. He couldn’t stop the quick beats of his heart, something he’d only feel when he ran along the pitch, but also when he looked at you. You made his heart beat dangerously fast and being so close to you, in your safe space that he’s never been in, had only made him realize how serious the relationship was getting.

It was scary, but so exciting to be in love.

He knew this, recounting all the advice his father gave him of ‘knowing when you’re with the one’ in his head, but he couldn’t stop feeling how shot his nerves were.

He couldn’t mess things up, not with you.

“Tengo miedo.” Pedri sighed, quickly mumbling about how stupid he felt after. He shook his head, trying to remove your index from underneath his chin, but you didn’t budge—forcing him to look at you. He resisted for a moment, not wanting to expose how vulnerable he felt, but the knowing look in your eyes was something he couldn’t ignore, no matter how hard he tried.

It didn’t make it any easier when you began to quietly encourage him, letting him know that it was okay for him to speak when he was ready, and that you wanted to listen to him.

“I love you.” He spoke, breath hitching as his body trembled. He repeated it again, clearly this time, fiercely and matter-of-factly as it was the second time he’s ever uttered those three words to you. “Te quiero mucho. Being in your room.. it..it makes me realize how serious our relationship has gotten and I’m scared that things will..fall apart or will mess up after all of this, and I don’t want that to happen because I love you.”

You released a puff of air that you didn’t even notice you were holding in; such release when you finally breathed again, smiling at Pedri as you brushed some of his hair on his forehead away softly with your fingertips. He returned the grin, his soft and embarrassed-like, unable to hide the blush that crept along the apples of his cheeks. “You don’t need to worry about that, mi amor, I promise.” You reassured him while your hand fell into his, interlocking them. “No matter what happens, you never need to worry about us. I love you too, Pedri. We’re okay.”

“¿Promes?” He asked, sticking out his pinky finger in front of you. Your pinky interlocking with his sealed the deal enough for him, making him sign in relief, but the reassurance of your lips pressing against his finger had made him realize he was in his head and just needed you to talk him down, like you always did. He leaned in, both of your lips inches away before he pressed a soft kiss against your lips, taking your breath away.

“Promise.” You murmured against his lips, shivers running down your spine as your mouths moved with passion, as if it were only the two of you on the planet. A tender moment that both of you needed most.

[sweetesttarot]

Channeled Messages - Traits Of Your Soulmate!

Piles: 1-2-3 4-5-6

Disclaimer:

this is a general message so not all that is mentioned may apply to you/your person, take what resonates!

. ♡ ° . . • . ♡ ° pile one 

I feel like your soulmate is someone from your past. This doesn't only apply to your current waking life, this may be someone you know from a past life or someone from the dream realm. Your soulmate has the most angelic energy. They bring peace wherever they go. I'm getting the message that some of you who picked this pile may work with the Greek God Apollo or are interested in astral travel or shifting. Your person has a bright yellow aura. I also feel that your person may be into foreign music or they may be a polyglot! rainy, dazed, free, child, ship, sail, ghosts, young, journal, kite, fromis_9, love, sleepy, frog, turtleneck, president, frame, glasses, brick, country, india, tulum, minneapolis, highway, plus, notes, music, sticky, gold, ice cream, wales, four leaf clover 

. ♡ ° . . • . ♡ °pile two 

I feel like like your soulmate is the physical version of a chai latte! I know that may sound weird but they have a calming, magnetic, cozy energy. They may wear beige often. I also feel like your soulmate is very clumsy, I'm seeing ink bottles spilled on paper. This person is also a huge animal lover! They may have a pet turtle or a pet named turtle. I also think that this person looooooves pasta so much that they literally eat it multiple times a week.

whales, plaid, plisse, open, knit, wool, maple, orange tabby cat, kristen, california, brazil, pierce, slay, jumping, airplane, drives, dust, flowers, sushi, kintsugi, novels, poetry, virgina woolf, museum, kryptonite 

. ♡ ° . . • . ♡ °pile three 

I feel like your person loves the snow. As a kid they may have wanted to be in the winter olympics. This person is super outgoing but they may use their outgoing personality as a shield. They may really like sonny angel toys and may have a large collection of them! This person could also love watching daily vlogs or healing vlogs. They're also very studious and math may be one of their favorite subjects! cloudy, snow, peace, green, jumbo, lights, blink, rose, waste, glasses, vision, braid, mosquitoes, mountains, sled, porsche, nantucket, lima, yellow, surfing, corners, ikea, polka dot, grapes, beabadoobee, posie

. ♡ ° . . • . ♡ °pile four 

I'm immediately feeling that this person loves the color pink. They may have or may have had multiple cats. Some people may judge this person because outwardly they may look immature but they actually have so much depth and are extremely intelligent! This person may use really sweet, sugary perfumes similar to sweet like candy by ariana grande. I'm also seeing that this person is an avid gamer and may really like dungeons and dragons or street fighter!

stuffed animals, suede, long, juice, stay, socks, nothing, frost, yes, dungeon, prom, violets, fraises, france, ghost, garden, keep, lock, race, seaside, tyler, chrome, seasons, popcorn, like or like like, lovely, music, chasing  

. ♡ ° . . • . ♡ °pile five 

Your person has total Rory Gilmore vibes regardless of their gender. They may wear striped long sleeve shirts and flare jeans a lot. They also really like the marauders from harry potter. Their favorite food is soup, more specifically clam chowder? This person loves going to concerts/movies and they may keep their concert/movie tickets pasted in a red journal. pancakes, sociable, snakes, ring, right, map, facing, dress, horse, turkey, love, tidal, cross, breathe, mantra, west, vibes, running, salon, juniper, resting, also, miso, yogurt, chambers, register, wash, above, charlie, tiger  

. ♡ ° . . • . ♡ °pile six 

Your person loves taking selfies lol. They are always taking pictures and they may even be an influencer. I'm also feeling that they love having quiet time, they find being alone and being quiet so relaxing. This person may collect vintage items and may have a vintage scarf that they tie to their bag. This person also really loves brownies lol. They have a very calming presence and they'll help you learn how to reflect inwardly! holding, four, poles, moist, jungle, ranch, halsey, notion, falling, number, erase, data, samsung, princess, quality, cyan, random, coarse, hiding, shiba, lemon, pricy, bait, madison, wisconsin, logic, bread, pumpkin, lavender

If you enjoyed this reading please reblog!

[onlytube]

Grace Charis Nude White Lingerie Selfie Video Leaked

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[pisupsala]

One for The History Books [Chapter 16] [Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw]

[Summary] You are an archivist at the Pentagon, sent on assignment to TOPGUN to catalog and report on a top-secret mission. In the days under the Californian sun, a certain naval aviator puts your once orderly life in a tailspin that you might never recover from.

[Pairing] Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!reader / Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!oc

[Warnings] Mature content: swearing, (explicit) smut. 18+ only.

[Words] 4k

[Index] All Chapters | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Epilogue

[Library]

Chapter 16 - Waterlogged

For Bradley, the notification that pops up on his screen as he’s getting ready for bed is an interesting one. Interesting enough to divert his thoughts from his aching body after a long day of drills and flying.

DW.in.DC shared a story for the first time in a while.

You are still not in any way an active user of the app, never posting and just liking or reacting to whatever he shares. You send most of your pictures directly to him in your emails or when possible over chat. He likes that fine—he sends you far more pictures than he actually posts online too.

But that’s why his interest is now piqued all the more. It’s the day before Christmas and you’ve been sending him a ton of pictures of your trip up the mountains. Some scenery, some selfies, and a video of the view as you skied down a slope.

You look at home in winter weather. And damn cute with those red cheeks from the cold.

Bradley is about four hours ahead of you, and while it’s not that late where you are, he’s exhausted. His heart clenches when he thinks of you curling up in bed alone, rolled up in your blanket in the cold night looking at your phone, without him there to warm you up. Just a few weeks more—you won’t have to wait for messages at strange hours anymore, or time regulated calls. He’ll be curled up right next to you, kissing you goodnight.

In hindsight, he’s an idiot for volunteering for this deployment—it’s a completely routine run. His days are filled with drills and training, and while the monotony of it would usually at least stop him from thinking of how he has nowhere to go for the holidays, now it’s just… boring.

It's for the first time in forever he is considering there might be an alternative.

From time to time he has sudden thoughts. Bradley would call them intrusive if he didn’t quietly enjoy them so much. They are almost always about completely mundane, white picket fence, things he wants with you. Wouldn’t it be nice to get a bigger apartment together, so he can have a piano? He could play and sing for you, and you would laugh and sing along, and it would be like… home. The way he remembers home. The way he wants to remember it.

Home. Where his most painful memories live.

Distracting himself from the uncomfortable train of thought, he clicks the story open, chuckling quietly: it’s a throwback picture spliced with a new version. In the old version, you are no more than 10 years old, standing tall next to your younger sister and holding hands with what he assumes is your toddler little brother in between you. You are all dressed in garish 90s snowsuits with loud color schemes and designs, grinning broadly at the camera.

In the new picture, at least you’re dressed in a lot more dark and muted colors. Except for your ski helmet, which is covered in a myriad of colorful stickers.

Your sister, who is still a good head shorter than you, is dressed stylishly in white and cream while holding a baby that is dressed to match. Your younger brother towers over you both, wearing a black and neon get-up, holding your hands with a silly look on his face. You are all laughing.

If he thinks hard enough, he can remember how your laughter sounds in real life, instead of over a choppy video connection.

He hearts your story.

He should not notice you reshared the story from what looks to be your sister's profile. And he should not be curious to see if she has posted more pictures of you. He should really go to sleep.

Is there much harm in just taking a quick look?

Beth’s profile clearly has a carefully crafted aesthetic with a ton of followers. When you said your sister is pretty different from you, Bradley realizes you weren’t kidding. He cannot imagine going through the endless posing Beth’s husband seems to put up with.

There’s a selection of photos she posted from today’s trip—most of them are of her little family, but when suddenly there’s a picture of you. You are holding your baby cousin, pulling a dramatically surprised face at the as she pulls one of the braids peeking out from under your ski helmet.

Bradley’s heart skips a beat.

It’s not even that you are holding a baby, and the first thing on his mind is: wouldn’t it be nice if…? He cuts that thought off quickly enough. It’s your helmet, patched in old and fading stickers from your favorite bands and college.

Except one.

Right above your temple sits a clearly new and bright red sticker, placed deliberately over the other ones.

A rooster.

Bradley’s heart is suddenly beating loudly in his chest. He doesn’t even know why it touches him so deeply. That almost can not be a coincidence. You have an incredible eye for detail, and your small gestures of affection somehow always manage to completely bowl him over. Like how you have him on your mind, literally, even when he's halfway across the ocean.

He should really go to sleep now. But Beth has also been posting stories. She has so many followers, surely she’ll not notice one more person taking a quick peek?

He just wants to see you.

Fuck it. Might as well. It’s not like he can go sleep with his head brimming with so many thoughts of you.

Skipping through all the family photos, Bradley lands on a video. It’s taken from the passenger's seat of a car driving up a winding snowy mountain road, maneuvering around oncoming traffic smoothly. Taylor Swifts blasts from the radio.

As the camera pans around the driver, it’s you. Bradley didn’t think having butterflies in his stomach could ever hurt, but seeing you in sharper contrast than he has in almost two months, your voice so clear, it’s like he is seeing you for the first time again.

You look completely at ease behind the wheel, handling the car with more than practiced ease. With your sunglasses on, hair loose around your shoulders, and sleeves of your plaid shirt rolled up, you move your upper body to the music as you steer and belt along to the song together with your sister.

“You were alllllll I wanted!” You sing to the camera, using one hand to shift gears, while the other drums out the rhythm on the steering wheel. The engine roars in the background.

Finally, the camera pans to Beth’s husband in the back seat, who is clutching onto the door for dear life and looking decidedly green as you continue singing. “Darcy, please watch the road.” He forces out. The video cuts off with you and your sister laughing raucously.

Bradley smiles to himself—he’s only ever heard you softly hum, promptly stopping when you think he is listening, too embarrassed to continue. But seeing you through the eyes of your sister, essentially, he realizes there are still so many sides to you he hasn’t discovered yet. He watches the video several times over. More thoughts are forming: he should take you on a road trip. If you can belt out tunes like that while driving, he wants to hear you at the piano with him. How nice would you sound singing a lullaby…

Bradley lets out a loud groan. Sleep is elusive now.

It didn’t escape his notice either, the car interior looked… familiar. Did you rent a Bronco? It shouldn’t be turning him on, but by god, he can’t stop himself. Although, if you drove his car like that, he would probably be telling you to watch the road too. Or just make you pull over and fuck you against the car right then and there, traffic be damned. He can practically hear your sweet moans, feel your nails digging into his shoulder as your tits bounce up against his face.

Fuck.

Grasping his rock hard shaft and starts slowly pumping, as his mind fills with his favorite filthy memories of you. You on your hand and knees, back arched and calling out his name, lace thong pushed to the side as he drives into you from behind.

You in that sundress, leaning against his car at sunset, looking up at him longingly, hair mussed and lips swollen from his kiss.

The first time he made you cum in your barracks room, skirt pushed up past your hips as you shamelessly rode his fingers.

Your mouth around his cock in the hallway of your apartment, your large eyes looking up at him as he fists your hair, setting the pace.

God, he aches for you.

His phone buzzes. Shit, not now. Catching sight of the notification from the corner of his eye, Bradley decides might start believing in Christmas miracles.

DW.in.DC sent You up?

You had been reading in bed when you saw Bradley liked your story. Never wanting to miss an opportunity to talk to him, you don’t even think twice about sending him a message. Bradley’s responses start coming in quick succession.

“i need you”

“badly”

Maybe you drank too much wine at dinner. But your brain immediately jumps from: if his Wi-Fi is strong enough now to look at stories, you can send a picture. Kicking your covers down, you pull up Bradley’s Navy shirt just so that the underside of your breasts is visible. Angling your phone so your face is mostly obscured but Navy print visible, you snap the picture and send it off with uncharacteristically little hesitation.

“Like this, babe?”

Bradley swears out loud as the image pops up on his screen. He was half-joking when he said he wanted a picture of you in just his shirt, not wanting to push you into something you were uncomfortable with. But fuck, now that he has it…

“you are so beautiful”

“show me more sweetheart”

“please”

Exhilarated, you push the shirt up further, nipples puckering in the cold air. Ghosting the tips of your fingers over your breast, you bite your lip and snap another picture, hitting send right away. Fuck. You were getting more hot and bothered by the second, thinking of Bradley jerking off to your pictures.

“good girl”

God, you love it when he says that to you. Screwing your eyes shut, you imagine how he bent you over your dinner table the last time you saw him before he went on deployment.

It was intense, it was rough, and for days after you had deliciously painful marks over your chest and shoulders. But he never stopped encouraging you, telling you what a good girl you are and how well you take his cock.

Bradley absolutely wrecked you that night, whispering in your ear how he’s going to make sure you are ruined for anyone else as you’ve ruined him, and how his name will be the only one on your lips every time you cum.

You squirm uncomfortably, rubbing your thighs together. You can feel how wet that memory made you. Shit. You are craving to release the pent-up pressure.

Dipping your fingers in your panties and going straight for your clit, you leave your shirt hiked up. God, it still smells like him. You are so horny and wet, you start rubbing your clit fast and hard—no need to build it up.

Half blinded by desire, you fire off a message.

“Let me see you.”

Bradley is so close, dreaming of your soft tits pressed up against him, your warm hands wrapped around his cock. When he notices your message, he comes undone almost instantly.

He can’t get enough of how you match him beat for beat, every step of the way, every time. With a grunt, Bradley cums, spilling his semen over his stomach. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to cum before sending you a picture, but your bold message pushed him past the point of no return.

Breathing heavily, still dazed, he summons the energy to flex his abs as he takes a picture.

“thats all you darlin’”

You whimper as you catch sight of Bradley’s cum covered abs. Jesus Christ, he is unreal. In the best kind of way.

“Fuck you look so good”

You miss his warm skin against yours, how his muscles move and twitch under your touch, that light trail of hair on his stomach… you want his cum to be dripping down your stomach. Your fingers move faster as you quietly gasp his name.

You are close now.

Oh, what you would give to have his mouth against you now.

“Bradley - ah- please Bradley…” His name is falling from your lips like a prayer, and your breath gets shallower. Dropping your phone, you clamp a hand over your mouth as your body starts shaking in the throes of your orgasm. Your fingers are slick with your cum as you stretch out, riding out your high.

Holding up your glistening fingers to your lips, tongue darting out, face flushed, you send the picture with the simple message: “Merry Christmas, babe.”

“you are fucking amazing”

“merry christmas darlin’”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Year’s is fast approaching, and the weather in your state has taken a turn for the worse. Heavy snow storms keep you locked in the house, so you kill the time watching movies with your dad or curled up on your bed reading a book.

Sometimes you look after little Emma so your sister and her husband can take a much-needed nap. Without telling your sister, you sometimes read out loud to Emma from the book on operational art you’ve been reading and ask her questions, as she happily babbles back. You might as well try to multitask. Besides, it puts her to sleep pretty quickly.

Today, your mind starts to wander from your book as the baby is soundly asleep against your chest. Tired and bored, you let it. Bradley is due back in 8 days. He’ll have time off before he has to report back for duty on base, which means he could stay in Arlington with you. A comfortable warmth fills you. That means you’ll be waking up next to him every day, and he’ll be there when you come back from work.

You close your eyes and allow yourself to daydream about Bradley picking you up from work. Slow dancing in your living room. Cuddling before your alarm clock goes off. Bradley in those low slung Navy sweatpants in your kitchen making you coffee as you get dressed.

Your minds’ eye decided to improve on that image.

Now it's Bradley in those low slung sweatpants holding a baby with a very familiar head of caramel curls.

Holy shit.

Your eyes fly open. Looking at Emma, you swallow dryly. This baby is giving you ideas. Very not good ideas to have in a fresh relationship where one of you is gone on the regular. Fuck. The last thing you need now is a head of full of ideas about a future that may never come to pass.

You have no idea if Bradley even wants kids. With a pit in your stomach, you reason he keeps so mum about his family because he’s probably not be very family oriented at all. And why would he be? He’s an elite pilot, which took years of work. He probably won’t give up his globetrotting lifestyle for playing house in suburbia.

It comes down to the age-old adage: if the Navy wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one.

A small voice in the back of your head pipes up—Penny said Bradley needs an anchor. Maybe you could be that for him.

Ugh.

This is really not something you want to be thinking about now. You should be happy Bradley is almost back home, rather than thinking about eventualities, maybes and could bes.

Be happy with what you have, which is already so much more than you dared to dream last summer. It could have ended with a quick fuck in your barracks room, you chastise yourself.

Can you really ask for more?

The weather puts you in another predicament. You can’t go outside to have a call with Bradley—and you absolutely don’t want to tell him you’re not available. It’s probably his last chance to call you before New Year’s Eve and before he comes back.

Not wanting to go so far as locking yourself in the bathroom, you set up camp in your bedroom. Beth’s Gatling gun style interrogation is still fresh in your mind. You are not ready for this yet.

Not right now.

Sitting on the floor with your back to the door, you prop up your phone on a stack of books and put in your headphones. You nervously try to fix your hair in the reflection of your screen, until the phone rings.

“Hey” You greet Bradley softly, unable to keep the smile off your face. He smiles back, the image a lot clearer and a lot less laggy than it’s been in weeks. “How are you, babe?”

“Hey sweetheart.” To your relief, Bradley doesn’t look so tired anymore. “I’m good—glad to be on the way back soon.”

“I can’t wait for you to be back.” You admit, blush creeping on your cheeks. “Do you want me to drive down to Virginia Beach? I can take the afternoon off.”

“No darlin’, save your PTO for better things. I’ll come straight up after disembarking—I can pick you up from work if you want.”

Your heart sinks a little, but you keep the smile on your face. Why doesn’t he want you to welcome him back on the pier with everyone else?

“Are you sure?” You try. “I really don’t mind…”

“It’s just a lot of waiting around outside in the cold until the ship docks, sweetheart,” Bradley counters easily. “And then we’d still have to drive back up to Arlington.”

No, you don’t? A little voice in the back of your head rings out. You could stay in Virginia Beach for the night. Even if it’s on base. But you rather keep your mouth shut.

“Then I’m counting on that pick up, lieutenant.” You tease instead. “Or I’ll have to wait on the bus in the dark.”

“Don’t you worry, Miss Williams.” Bradley laughs. “I might even let you drive.”

“Really?” You ask, chuckling incredulously.

“I have faith in your driving skills.”

“My brother-in-law would vehemently disagree with you.” You shrug. “Wait, I’ll show you. My sister is obsessed with social media, and she made this video.”

You scroll through the videos on your phone before sending the clip.

“Ignore the singing, though.” You cringe slightly. Hearing your own voice is less than pleasant. Also, you dance in a really dorky way. Actually, he should ignore your whole presence in the video.

You watch Bradley’s reaction closely. He laughs in the way that makes your heart soar. Bradley doesn’t tell you he already saw the video when he dug around your sister’s profile—but he is happy to see it again, since it disappeared from the stories after 24 hours.

“I happen to like your singing.”

“You’re teasing me.” You say a little bashfully.

“I’m not.” Bradley says truthfully. “But tell me, sweetheart—is that a Bronco you’re driving?”

Fuck. He has you totally figured out. You probably look borderline obsessed—when you sent him a picture of the rooster on your helmet, it was just cute and Bradley loved it. But you had to go rent the same brand car too. Your neck is prickling.

“Yeah, what of it?” You try to play it off coolly.

“Just think you happen to have good taste.” He shrugs with a devilish smirk on his face. You scoff, blushing.

You burst out in giggles, Bradley laughing too. It’s so stupid you're kind of mortified, but Bradley seems to take everything in stride. You never remember why are nervous before he calls you—Bradley makes all conversations so easy. He entertains you with every silly story from the ship, from the disgusting food, sea sick rookies to mishaps on deck until you are nearly crying from laughter. He lives for the dramatic storytelling, and he does it so well.

You use the heel of your hand to dry your eyes, and your shoulders still shake from laughter.

“God, I love hearing you laugh.” Bradley’s voice suddenly sounds soft. The earnestness in his voice sobers you.

“I don’t think anyone makes me laugh a much as you.” You say affectionately.

“I better make sure to keep it that way.” He replies in that same soft tone with a small smile gracing his lips.

“There’s no competition, babe.”

Bradley’s face breaks into a cocky grin.

“Tell me more, darlin’.” His voice taking on a deep, velvety timbre that sends shivers down your spine.

“About how you are absolutely unparalleled in every way?” You deadpan in response.

“You flatter me, sweetheart.” His eyes are shining with mirth, and his cocky grin only grows.

You are so caught up in the call you don’t hear the hurried patter of feet up the stairs to your bedroom door. You only notice when Bradley suddenly looks surprised, and you turn around just in time to see Beth waltz into your room.

“Beth, one more step—so help me god, I will make Erik a widower.” You say with absolute seriousness. Through your headphones you hear Bradley guffaw. Beth stops dead in her tracks and her eyes grow wide. Not because you just threatened to murder her, but because she caught a glimpse of your phone and has already put one and one together.

She opens her mouth—without a doubt, to say something completely embarrassing, way too loud.

“Seriously, fuck off.” Your voice sharp, cutting her off.

But she’s already almost climbing over you, head next to yours, looking at the camera. Bradley is watching the scene unfold with growing interest.

“It’s his shirt, isn’t it?” She asks you while staring at Bradley, not missing a beat.

You know Bradley heard it because he has a hand clasped over his mouth, shoulders shaking uncontrollably from laughter. Slowly closing your eyes in a futile attempt to stave off the blush creeping onto your face, you will your voice not shake from anger or embarrassment.

“Ignore my sister, she was dropped on her head as a baby. A lot.” You grind out.

“Yeah, but that was all Darcy’s doing anyway.” She cuts in, grinning. Why is she talking to Bradley through your headphone mic?

“So, it’s your Navy shirt.” Beth doesn’t even bother asking anymore, simply stating it as a fact.

To your mortification, Bradley nods affirmative.

“Happy? Now kindly get the fuck out of here?” Gracelessly, you put your hand over Beth’s face like a claw and shove her away. “These calls are strictly timed.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Beth shrugs, laughing, still sitting next to you. Why is she laughing.

“OK, bye! Take care of my dork sister!” Her voice rings out so loud the neighbors must hear her, as she waves at the camera over your shoulder. Bradley simply salutes with two fingers in response. Beth starts cackling as she walks out.

You cover your face in your hands. Why.

“I’m sorry about that.” Is all you can bring out. “She has… no filter.”

“Don’t be sorry, darlin’,” Bradley replies with barely contained laughter. “Watching you threaten murder like that is actually kind of hot.”

“You are making it worse!” You chuckle softly, looking back up at him. He looks so relaxed and bright. A small silence falls between the two of you, as you just regard each other for a moment. Sometimes it’s not needed to speak, and it’s enough to just feel in a moment of comfort together.

‘My time is almost up, sweetheart.” Bradley’s voice is soft. You nod.

“Stay safe, babe.” Your voice cracks a little despite your best attempts.

“I’ll be back soon.” He assures you. “I’ll make it up to you for leaving you by yourself over the holidays.”

“You don’t have to.” You chastise him gently. “Just come back safe.”

Bradley smiles. It makes your heart skip a beat. He has a talent for making you feel like the absolute most important person in the world, worthy of every bit of attention that he bestows on you. Sometimes he overwhelms you so much you can barely think straight.

“Speak to you soon, sweetheart.” His voice is full of affection again.

“Bye babe, and happy early new year." You blow a kiss at the camera just as the screen cuts out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[note] I'm a having a very productive weekend, as you can tell. And I always forget to mention: my taglist is still open! There are still a bunch of chapters to go and I still have several side stories I also want to write, so if you want to be updated on that, let me know!

[taglist] @ponyboys-sunsets | @thatchickwiththecamera | @littlewhiterose | @katieshook02 | @straightforwardly | @zazzysseoul | @rororo06 | @datingbtr | @notalxx | @fresh-new-yoik-watah | @gretagerwigsmuse  | @swthxrry | @joshkiskasbunion | @caelipartem | @blackbrownie | @yanak324 | @unluckymonaghan | @letusbewildflowers | @ticklish-leafy-plant | @alana4610 | @eg-dr3amer3 | @turningtoclown | @mell-bell | @mak-32 | @avis15

[2dkapsddr]

May 18th, 2024 - Arcaea, ProSeka, ONGEKI, CHUNITHM, DanEvo, DDR A20 PLUS

FINALLY!!! THE TIME HAS COME!!! ANIME IMPULSE TIME W/ MY FRIEND!!!!!!!

as it turns out, we may or may not have arrived 2 hours before opening time, so we may or may not have had to wait in line for 2 hours until the gates opened and we were free to wreak havoc. but in the meantime, i tried to grind out some of my arcaea stamina and finally tried out Party Vinyl BYD-10, which - to my surprise - was actually a really fun and good chart??? ik this one is really widely hated so i was surprised by how good it actually was, no idea where the hate comes from now. loved it so much that i ended up getting an EX after a few tries!!! (same with Quon BYD-10, which i also played for the first time and ALSO really liked!!

here's me briefly using my friend's hands as a phone stand and clearing the funny hold note song while i was at it LOL

but eventually, after waiting a full 2 hours in line and being hyped up by the staff there, the floodgates opened and we were allowed to dive right into the chaos... of ANIME IMPULSE!!!! while my friend wanted to go straight to the VA signings, i had my eyes set on playing one game in particular for the first time...

you may have noticed the title of a unique game that hasn't appeared on this account so far. why's that? originally i meant to play it at sakuracon earlier this year, but i was drawn too much to chunithm and other games to pay it any mind (and also the lines for the cab were too long). but finally, being one of the first to see the cabs, i was able to jump right on it and, for the very first time in 2dkaps ddr history... play O.N.G.E.K.I.!!!!! ...of course, i kinda sucked at it, but that didn't stop little ol' me!!! (this GP system is so confusing though)

aaaaand that's all!!! (for ongeki, that is)

afterwards, i hopped on chunithm to experience it again in all its beautiful 120hz glory... but i then came to the realization that i was proooobably gonna be stunted by this Hellish glare being casted onto the screens (from all the skybridge windows). yes, what you see on the screen in each score is exactly what i saw while playing. yes, i had to set my field wall to 6 to make it even a slight bit readable, no, it didn't stop me from getting some fucking INSANE scores today like holy SHIT HOW DID I DO ALL THIS

first was just a 990 on a 14, nothing special, cool cool, but then i tried shukusei shinpan on my card for the first time (previously only got to play it in guest mode) and got a really good 995 at first??? followed it up with a 998 or something like that (not pictured) before... at long last... after so many grueling attempts and so much trouble posed by the evil screen glare... it actually happened...

I ACTUALLY GOT IT!!! AFTER SO LONG!!!! SHUKUSEI SHINPAN (MASTER 15) 1,000,155 SS!!!!!!! 15 SS #1!!!! MY FIRST 15 SS EVER!!!! AND IN AOYAGI TOYA COSPLAY!!!! (the score is somehow actually more visible in the selfie because of the glare being lower LMFAO)

BUT THAT'S NOT THE END OF MY SESSION!!! NOT EVEN *CLOSE*!!! THERE'S *WAY* MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!!!! examples? why, of course!! 8-EM (Master 14+) 999k into 1.001M SS, followed by a sightread SSS on Inpaqq (Master 13+), and then an almost-SSS+ Full Combo on BlythE (Master 14)!!!

went to the artist alley for a little while with my friend, trying to find stuff to buy but almost coming back empty-handed (though with a few exceptions of purchases since . yaknow .) but once i got back from my spree and went to the arcade with my friend again, we hopped back on danevo and i IMMEDIATELY took the opportunity to sightread and get this really funny AA on Memeshikute Master (pictured)

back to chunithm, where i got the really funny thought of "what if i hit rainbow while i was at this con?" looking through my options and really having nothing better to do (other than spend More money at the artist alley), i gave it a go, intense cloudy glare and all. this gave way to... a lot of really damn good scores, actually! SS on a lot of 14+s that turned out to be 14.9s when i looked them up... it was really surprising to see myself perform at this caliber honestly LOL

oh also, an almost S+ on World Vanquisher (Master 15), a 995k on Contrapasso -inferno- followed by a 999k on it somehow LMFAO (Formerly Master 14+, now Master 15 as of Chunithm New Plus (please get me updated aghh)), a first try 992k S+ on POTENTIAL (Master 15), a sightread 997k S+ on We Gonna Journey (Ultima 14+), a clean SS first try on Viyella's Tears (Master 14+), and then a 985k S on ANU (Master 15)!!!

...whew! that was a lot of grinding and a lot of really good scores. but i'm still not quite at rainbow... ah well, let's take a break anyways with some really glare-filled DDR A20 PLUS!!! ...oh, how i missed you... (but also how i hate this glare of yours)

a brief return to chunithm in a desperate attempt to get as much rating before the end of the day... which was surprisingly soon!!! everything closed at 7 PM, and it wasn't until it was almost too late that i realized... but as i bid farewell to the cabs and went to the artist alley to get one more thing, i got in a few more scores that were just. Insane beyond belief. so there's the SS on Apocalypse ni hangyaku (Master 14+) of course, pretty cool pretty nice upscore, but then.... out of absolutely nowhere and completely unexpected... i got a FULL COMBO ON ELEMENTAL CREATION ULTIMA 14+??? A 14.9??? AND I GOT A FULL COMBO??? HOW??????????? I WAS IN SHOCK WHAT THE HELL

even more than that, i got 15 SS #2 IN THE SAME DAY ON CONTRAPASSO -INFERNO- AFTER JUST A FEW EXTRA TRIES!!!! I WENT *OFF* THIS SESSION AND I'M STILL IN SHOCK . HOW DID I EVEN DO IT

but alas, of course, it was closing time, so i had to head home and give up on my dream to jump from 15.74 to rainbow in a single day... but from all this work, i managed to get up from a measly 15.74 rating from last con to a massive 15.94 that's in the top 100 of the server's rankings??? i'm really excited to see what i can do if given another opportunity, and it looks like i'll have one soon... but for now, i'd like to appreciate this session well done! i'll say it now while i'm writing this in the future, but due to homework and general business i wasn't able to make it to the second day of the con and thus i actually didn't have another chance to get rainbow. but it was far better for my future tbh, and i'll always have another chance for this. thanks for reading!

note: there's a few scores that didn't make it into this post due to the 30 image limit (just two danevo scores) that will instead be included in the post for monday. sorry for the inconvenience!

[gotzyredlips]

오늘 우리가 만난 건 행운이에요. ❤️

#gotzyredlips 👄

#picoftheday #follow #me #besties #beautiful #instagram #travel #bff #igers #photo #lovethem #polishgirl #weekend #selfie #music #bf #girl #friendsforlife #l #lifestyle #sun #ever #instalike #family #relax #instaphoto #myfriends #followme #instadaily

[carnationsonschoolholidays]

Testosterone

I feel like years and years of turmoil have stalled. I've hit a weird, purgatory-esque plateau in my development. I'm really happy with my transition. I like how I look. But I don't LOVE it. I don't take lots of selfies and get really excited to put on cool outfits or feel invigorated by shit anymore. Now I just wake up and do what I have to do. And I actually regard shaving as a hassle.

That's very new. Like it used to be this excitement about how much more my hair had grown every time I shaved- anxiously hoping each time that I'd get closer to a full beard- growing it out for as long as I could tolerate- then getting rid of it. Now, I know what's gonna happen. It'll grow out real fast. But not enough to reallyyyy be a full beard. There's no mystery anymore because I know it's gonna be a long time before it's actually a thick beard. So now, I don't shave it because I don't want to irritate my skin or get ingrown hairs or whatever, which is just dull- not so exciting. But also? Not bad!!!

I'm still super happy to even be having that experience. Just not in this insane euphoric way like when everything was completely new.

I'm experiencing this funny thing where like- I wake up and look in the mirror and I regard myself with this vague boredom. Like wow- I'm just some fucking dude. And I haven't been on a date in like 3 years. But now I live with my parents and I don't have a car, so like, when is that gonna change? Probably not soon. Does it have to change? Am I dying inside? No. Would it be nice to "get back out there" so to speak? Yes.

The fact that I talk about myself like a fucking middle-aged divorcee is part of the weird boredom thing. I think I'm starting to understand why a friend of mine told me I have "divorced man" energy.

I have gray hairs dude! I know I talk about that to an obnoxious degree and almost wear it as a badge of honor. But like wow. It's actually noticeable now. Like- it wasn't before, but now it is.

And I just look in the mirror and see this guy. With a little baby beard. And gray hairs. And like- who is that? Who is that guy?

I think part of the problem is transitioning actually made me overwhelmingly socially anxious. Like in my life I was always kind of like that, but it got so much worse. Not in a debilitating way where I can't go outside. Just in a lukewarm kind of overarching sense that I could definitely smile more, engage in more conversation etc. with people. The problem is just that I'm self-conscious and afraid to open my mouth in front of people that aren't also transmasc. Which is most people. So I just kinda go quiet.

Cause I'm afraid they're gonna like- think I'm gay or something? Which is hilarious, because I am. And I think about fucking men constantly.

But actually now that I think about it it's not just "not-transmasc" people, because now I'm in Florida and I have plenty of people who would like to hang out, but I am scared to initiate it!!!

I'm just so afraid that I'll ask someone to hang out and we'll have nothing to talk about! And if I'M the one to plan it, what do I even ask them to do? What if I pick the wrong activity and it's awkward or weird and they hate it? Or what if it's just a weird thing to ask someone to do to begin with??? What do we even do here? Go to the mall? Go see a movie? Take a walk? I wanna go to the beach, but a lot of the gay ppl I know here don't like the beach. But it's also stupid to assume that, because I haven't even asked!

A lot of these people knew me in high school. What if the person I am now is like- a weird dissapointment somehow. Or maybe in high school I was like- demure and quiet, and now I've changed, and they realize they actually don't like me.

Now that I'm typing this I hear how stupid it sounds.

Anyways, I also have to schedule around when I can borrow my mom's car here! It's demoralizing! But I'm not ashamed of my choices or anything I'm just kinda. In purgatory. But I'm really happy to be home for a lot of reasons. Like all the reasons I decided to come here still stand.

I'm just lonely.

And also living in a state of permanent repression of my desires. Despite the fact that I desire deeply.

This started out like I was gonna try and write something nice and poetic but I guess I'm not. Maybe I'll try another where I get explicit and then I can explore that part, bc I think this became something else.

[saorintranslations]

Clap♪ Onoda Saori (23.05.06)

🍋She who is thinking about what to eat for dinnerー、I'm Saori♪

Yesterday's blog comments、I read them all！

Thank you very much😊

As for ways to display postcards

Clips、photo framea、in bags、、、、、

You gave me lots of ideas！！！！！

Everyone、has their own way hun？？

I guess keeping them in a bag is probably best！

I'll give it a go😌

Thank youーー！！！

Today、we had a concert！

Those of you who came、thank you very much😊

Zama！！！

Our 3rd time！Zama！！

Za！Maーーーー！

It kinda sounds like waves！笑lol

Like Zabuーn！😂

Our live performance was seriously just too much fun。

Okay、I'll write about my thoughts！

So、it was suーーーper hot！

My fringe clumped together into about 5 strands！！

It surprised me。

Like even Saori's this hot！😳

Everyone、did you have funー？？

From our next concert、all of our live performances can have voice cheers、so I just can't wait！

And so！Let's enjoy the rest of this tour！

I'm waiting for your thoughts about todayーー😘

Today too、is a Saori selfie♪

(T/N News and information has not been translated)

Everyone

For several years now

You've been getting reaーーlly fired up at lives just with claps

Thank you very much 😌

The fact that even without voice cheers

You found a way to get fired up

Made me super duper happy！！！

It's been a wonderful experience🤤

Bye bye♡

[fabian-huesser]

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS In vergangenen Jahren war ich zur Weihnachtszeit viel in den Städten unterwegs, um die beleuchtenden Gassen zu fotografieren. Dieses Jahr reichte dafür meine Zeit nicht. Ich gab dem einen oder anderen Fotoprojekt den Vorrang. Ein Weihnachtsbild habe ich aber trotzdem, ausnahmsweise sogar als Selfie 😬 Ich wünsche dir ganz schöne Festtage und einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! Vor allem gute Gesundheit und viele tolle Momente. … Chris Rea musste einfach sein 😬 #fabianhüsser #lumix_ch #lumixS5 #nightshooters #longexposure #longexposure_shots #fairylights #splendid_light #fairytail #loves_united_switzerland #az_gram #christmasmood #blickheimat #oldtown #visitaargau #splendid_shotz #lumixlight #suissebook #superswitzerland #aargautourismus #weihnachtszeit #pictascollective #igpodium #aargauwunderland #merrychristmas #christmastime #fairytalevillage #rheinfelden #got_greatshots #master_gallery (hier: Rheinfelden, Switzerland) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmgyoCRMr4n/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thesinisterseventh]

👉🏻👈🏻

[bornunderpunchestheheatgoeson]

It was when I was about 16 I stress posted a selfie on Snapchat with the caption " I wanna die so much its unreal" or sumthin like that, and an irl friend of mine (who I wasn't particularly that close to) replied with 'LMAO girl honestly me too', that I realized perhaps the trend of memes about depression and killing yourself being so popular among the youth was a bad thing. It was surreal