#re not obsessed as I am so I'll get it faster

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

someone help me I am obsessively checking and re-checking the library app to see if I'm any closer to getting the next Lockwood & Co. book

@sheet-metal-memories !!!! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!!!!!!

[bubbles-lounge]

Hi!!

I’ve had this brain rot for like MONTHS now and I wanted to spill it lol..

This I my first time requesting so bare with me here 😭

So what if the reader was a singer and whenever the reader would go on tour, or hosted a concert, Dottore would secretly watch. but what if one day reader noticed Dottore and accidentally made it obvious that the reader knew he was there.

So like when the reader would end the concert out of fear, Dottore decides to take reader. 🫣

Bonus; if you could make the reader female 🤧

Imma send this before I chicken out..😭

.... Anon... Give me your brain pleaseeeeee/j

Nook don't chicken out I'm nice I swearrrrr(I think at least) I love the request, im here for your brain rot.

Dottore has been plaguing my mind so I'm really happy.

Ima add someone else who likes reader but like they are just a background character they aren't important if you want one without the guitarist then I'll re make it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were have having in of your normal concerts as the crowd was singing along with you as you shrugged off the felling if being watched, everyone got louder as you and the guitarist were looking at each other and smiling. You had quickly skimmed over the crowd to see the people's enjoyment as it kept you going but then you see someone, you see him..

Dottore...

Why was the 2nd fatui harbingers here?! You panicked but kept your cool so your performance wouldnt be effected... Was he the reason you felt like you were being watched? You kept looking over at him and staring at him he was excluded from the crowd as he stared right at you even when you looked away he was staring at you.

The sing finished as you quickly made an announcement that you had to end the concert early due to a problem, as you looked over to dottore seeing him smirking at you... You quickly bowed as your band followed picking up something was wrong with you as you all left the stage, you being faster than the rest.

You quickly explained it to your hand as they were in shock and hugged you. They promised to help you if you get in trouble with him, they truly were amazing friends. As you all packed up to head home back to liyue, you apologized as they promised it was fine as you had a valid reason.

You all went back to the shared house that you had rented for the trip and you were all trying to sleep, if only you knew what would be waiting for you, you would have asked your friends to sleep in the same room, you used to do it all the time... You wished you had asked....

You woke up as you opened your eyes to a....different room?! You panicked. You quickly looked around seeing a coat and placing it on you as you opened the door to see him... How did he find me... Why am I here?!

He smiles at me as he stares at me with obsession. He grabbed your face as he asked you questions.

"Are you alright your in quote the state? I hope your not uncomfortable in your new room. Why are you leaving in your nightgown? "

I stared at him in horror. Why was I in his house?! What is going on?! I opened my mouth as I spoke in a shaking voice

"Why am I here? What do you want from me? "

He smiled at me as he leaned down and whisper to me

"I dont want anything but you. I don't give to your shows for no reason you know and when you spotted me I just had to grab you for myself. "

You have had a few stalkers but none as powerful as him nor willing to actual kidnap me! He took my hand as he led me back into the room as he sat down on the bed pulling me beside him, it was only then I noticed the chains on my wrists... I was to panicked before to realize... Now I'm stuck here.... Alone with him..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you liked this!

Remember to eat and drink lots<33

Remember that you are stunning, beautiful and wonderful<33

Enjoy your day/night<33

[sillyunicorn]

I'm a little bit obsessed with the podfic you've made of Obviously. It's so good! Also it means that I can consume fic when I'm in the office.

Would you be able to tell us all a little bit about your process? Like, what equipment do you use, do you have to hide in your cupboard to do it, how long does it take you to edit each chapter, do you rehearse it in any way before you record, do you have notes on the script of vocal stuff you have to do at a particular point? And anything else you can think of. It's so interesting!

Thanks so much, lovely xx

Oh wow this is so nice, thank you!!! I'm so so happy you're enjoying this pod. I am having so much fun making it :)

A little about my process:

Location: I record in my bedroom, which is carpeted. It still has a bit more echo than I would like, but my cats kept tearing my acoustic panels off the walls, so I've accepted it as it is for now lol. Equipment: I record on a laptop and use a condenser microphone, over-the-ear wired headphones, a USB audio interface, and Reaper digital audio workstation. I got all of this sound gear originally for recording music, and it's been really nice to have it for podfics too.

Preparation: I re-read each chapter before I record it, to remember the vibe and what happens and to see if there is anything I need to look up, like how to pronounce unfamiliar names of people or places. Sometimes I'll read some of it aloud to myself. I don't make notes on the script, just read from AO3 either on my phone or computer.

Recording and Editing: I think I've been getting faster! I'm not sure how long it takes because I get in the zone and lose track of time but I think lately a 30-40 minute chapter will take me 4-5 hours to record and edit. I basically just read it through, taking breaks as needed, saying things over if I mess them up. To edit I'll listen straight through, cutting out the mistakes as I go and re-recording bits as needed. I'll also add sound effects (like on this one I've included a page turn noise for scene breaks) and music at the beginning and end.

Thanks so much for asking!!! Feel free to send more asks, it's fun to talk about. There's also more info in this Podfic Guide for Beginners that I put together for a podfic fest in the Carry On fandom (which I think would be so fun to do in the YR fandom if there is ever interest!)

[survivor-trinidad-and-tobago]

Episode 8: "i have never been so alone in the game"—Astyn

In this round: Tony, Champ, Colin, Raffy, and Kolby win Family Feud, leaving everyone else in danger of being eliminated at tribal council; half the tribe loses their vote; Astyn is voted out; and Steven wins on Purgatory and re-enters the chat after tribal council

Eman

I've gone back to feeling a bit adrift . . . I feel like I am in a good position, very close with a number of people - but I don't think I'm anyone's number one. (In fairness, I don't know that I have a ride-or-die either, just a lotta people that I really like and would be happy to continue working with.

Interestingly, I will say that I've seen a bit of negative chatter re: Astyn, and I'll come right out and say that I like them! They were one of the first people to welcome me post tribal switch and they've just been plain *nice* to me and I see no reason not to reciprocate. Maybe the two of us could somehow get a whole UTR thing going I'd be down for that.

Also finally chatting with Alex more - I broke and addressed the elephant in the room first (we now only have one extra vote between us and should strategize on how to use it at some point) and I'm reasonably certain (it's SO hard when you can't read body language) that he appreciated that.

--

Oh how the worm squirms . . .

I suspected Zee, now I'm close with Zee.

I was close with Kolby, now I'm finding Kolby's actions suspect.

AND I CAN'T MAKE A FREAKIN' PLAN cuz I don't know how anyone beyond my immediate group did all because Raffy was milliseconds faster on hitting enter than I was (and I'd actually like to send off to New York for a replay because there's NO FREAKIN' way that he wasn't hitting enter before the hosts were done talking. That's all I gotta say.

But I think Raffy also knew he was in danger, so I can't fault that. I'm probably in danger too (or I'm paranoid; I'll give it even odds) for being too freakin' old and too freakin' likeable (and too freakin' opinionated, but right now only my diary/the confessional booth knows that latter part).

Anyway, I'd really like to stop thinking about the game and instead go back to obsessing about other things . . . so more later.

--

What kinda game am I playing?

I ONLY WISH I KNEW.

Fly by the seat of my pants, what feels right in the moment, dear god I hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass in the long run, I wanna be likeable, but not too likeable, I wanna be smart, but not too smart, god-freakin-dammit, this is too hard, gosh-freakin-darnit this is so much fun.

That's what kinda game I'm playing.

And I am also obviously growing increasingly unhinged as time goes by.

Tony

Champ and I fuckin killed that challenge and I’m stoked that we’re in an alliance together! I’m not nervous for tribal but am torn because it feels like folks are gonna be gunnin’ for Michael. I’m gonna do my best to protect him but only hope it pays off.

Zee

We hit the merge! And my my my, I have so much shit going on it's crazy. I realized the only people I haven't really spoken to before merge were Michael and Raffy, but since the merge I kind of have just been talking about yellowjackets with Raffy, still haven't gotten around to talking with Michael but that's alright. I'm hoping that I'm on the winning tribe for this family feud thing, because I feel like there's a target on my back(put there by Raffy) and I'd really like it if I didn't have to feel like I need to play it so early on. I still don't trust anyone, of course, but right now I'm vibing the most with Kaleigh and Champ, and also with MH(Eman). The edgic definitely is super interesting, I'd like to think that I'm this under the radar player that people keep talking positive about, but I also have no idea, since it seems like(since last time they got UTRP5) that they are being talked about A LOT, by everyone, but in a positive way. So maybe it is me, who knows.

I also am majorly stressed about tribal council, to a point where it's almost unfun to actually play due to the anxiety. Why, you ask? Well, I got the read receipts on disadvantage in like....my first Idol hunt I think, which goes into effect in my next tribal council. Except the problem is, I NEVER WENT TO TRIBAL, so it's never been used. However, Trinica and AJ said they're only able to tell me how it messes up my game, AFTER tribal council, which makes it all the scarier. Can I calculate my moves based on what it does? Nope. So basically I have an advantage I know virtually nothing about now (insert yikes face here). I do know that if Raffy isn't safe, it seems like the smartest move to vote him out.

--

So Champ and I just had like an hour and a half call(and we're probably gonna call more later to talk about things) and like.....I don't wanna say I trust her but I really want to trust her. Like we out here vibing and I just hope she stays loyal bc I genuinely want to work with her so I think it's really good if she wants to work with me too. I feel like it would be wise to call w/Kaleigh at some point as well, just to get on top of things, but genuinely Kaleigh and Champ are the two people I want to be sitting at the end with. And I know, I know, you have to take goats along so that your game seems better and blahblahblah. Whatever, sue me. Also I genuinely don't know who is allied with who right now, but I do have theories. I think Kolby is probably in Alex's pocket, and if Alex is smart(which he is, in a very mischievous and tailored way) then he's definitely aligned with Raffy. I know MH might be close with Kolby as well, but maybe they won't tell him anything, if we(or I) stress the worries that I have surrounding that. Chances are that whatever we tell Kolby, makes a beeline right to Raffy, or at least to Alex, both of which aren't good. I definitely also think that Colin and Astyn have made their way back to Raffy, and also Colin apparently has a rather big mouth, so it's not wise to tell him anything of substance.

Champ and I also talked about who we'd want to get out, and the list as it stands is Raffy, then Alex, then Colin, in order of threat level. As it stands, the plan could be this: Kaleigh and I, and at least Jack don't have votes. There's a large possibility that more people than that don't have votes. But let's talk about what we are almost positive of. Kaleigh and Jack don't have votes, and neither do I. So, valid votes without extra votes are 9. If I use my extra vote, and Champ uses her extra vote and her normal vote, and MH votes with us, perhaps we'll be able to bring in Tony too, that gives us 5 votes. If we're lucky, the other votes will be scattered. If not, we'll either have majority, or go to rocks. At least that's the goal. I have no clue what's happening challenge wise, but we'll see. Stay tuned for more folks.

--

Ok so let’s get one thing straight. I still don’t trust none of these bitches. Especially since ya bitch doesn’t have a vote. HOWEVER, I think I’m making a plan. Most of the people in the Mystery Machine group(those of em w/votes) seem to want to vote Astyn, especially is good if MH can convince Tony to vote w/them. I’ve also heard Michael’s name from people like Kolby, and Colin seems to want to vote for Michael as well. Sooooo, if I’m lucky, the votes will be split somewhat between Michael and Astyn, sending one of them home. I don’t want to use my idol, because that will break the trust of everyone, so I just have to hope that tribal goes my way. Also, EVERYONE is coming out of the woodworks to talk w/me, I also have been trying to talk with others as well lol, since I kinda got a bit lax and didn’t do much talking for a bit. So I just have to stay on top of my social game more.

Colin

FUCK YEAH I'M SAFE

that challenge was so chaotic. glad we made it thru.

I haven't heard anything about the first vote yet, which is fun because I know it's going to turn out chaotic, but at LEAST I'M SAFE so I don't have to worry about it. Zee also put together a chat with me, Jack, and Champ and I suppose it's going to be an alliance. I'm excited for it, but there's not a ton of loyalty there, there's other people I wanna work with more. This group only formed because we played the codenames challenge together. I think I'm gonna try to reinstate the power rangers alliance with Raffy, Jack, and Astyn. BUT I also really wanna work with Eman and Alex, so I need to lay ground work there because we haven't been on a tribe together before.

I have nothing else to confess about so here's a power ranking of everyone on the tribe, ranked by how much I wanna work with them

1. Alex 2. Eman 3. Zee 4. Raffy 5. Kaleigh 6. Jack 7. Astyn 8. Champ 9. Kolby 10. Michael 11. Tony

will confess later when tribal starts triballing.

Jack

side note: I love Michael and would not throw him into the firing line unless it’s a last resort option but I was HELLA frustrated with his answers screwing us in the challenge

Kolby

Michael

We have tribal council tonight, I've heard from pretty much everyone that the vote is Astyn. Just makes sense at this point. So I'll go that way.

Raffy

I do not really have much to say. I haven't really been socializing well with my tribe, so I have no idea where the vibe is. Apparently, Kolby and Zee are leading the charge against Astyn which I hate. But I can't do much about it because I don't even have a vote. I could use my idol on Astyn, but to take out who? There's no one whose eligible that I really want gone. I wish the target would change from Astyn to Michael. If it has to be someone from OG Calypso, let it be someone I was never in an alliance with, you know? I just hope I can find my footing because I feel a bit lost right now.

Kaleigh

broooo i got a knowledge is power advantage holy shit. it stresses me out bc i’m like well maybe i should save it but i dont wanna be one of those ding dongs who leaves the game w an advantage that could have saved them. uuuuuuugggggggh.

lmao zee asked to chat and casually was like “i lost my vote in an idol hunt but i have that other vote from before,” as if she had told me about it, i was like hmm what vote? she was all “DID I NOT TELL U?” baby i c u!! u know u didn’t tell me hun. either that or the bimbo alliance is more aptly named than i thought. anyway so i'm not sure if champ told her i knew (rude) or if she just decided that she wanted to lock in w me. either way... NOTED!!!!

okay what is new what is newwwww. i’m vulnerable at tribal (i just typed TRIBLE LMFAO) , alex lost his vote in the SAME IDOL HUNT THAT ZEE DID!!! i wish i had told him not to go down that path but i didn’t know how to w/o telling him zee lost her vote. which NOW… i wish i j had cuz zee has suddenly gone extreeeemely messy. OR IS IT ME WHO’S BECOME MESSY? AM *I* THE DRAMA?!?!? zee wants michael out (probably bc he is the person she’s spent the least time talking with) and i want astyn out (for the same reason and also they are allied w raffy who is not allowed to get far in this game!!). so zee asked who we should vote and i said astyn and she was like “or we could stay soca strong and vote out michael.” LOL voting out astyn would be soca strong??? what r u talking aboutttTTT!!! and alex said after he threw Astyn’s name out to zee and zee said michael, five minutes later colin told alex that kolby was the one who mentioned michael’s name , not zee LMAOOO she is just… doing a lot. these sentences are so confusing even to me. ANYWAY.

alex and i are pipe dreaming about whether or not there’s a way to get zee out tonight - i havent told him (or anyone) about my advantage, j bc i’m kinda scared he’ll target me, but honestly i like alex and it feels like he’s been pretty forthcoming with me about stuff, AND he’s usually available for a phone call which is like everythinggg. like i like playing w him. we also figured out michael and tony might be irl friends bc alex noticed a familiarity when tony said something to trinica in the scavenger hunt challenge and michael told me yday he’s friends w trin and that’s why he’s in this game. AGAIN… something steven was correct about - he had said that he chose michael to be on that second soca formation bc he wanted to separate michael and tony bc they were both in texas and might know each other. genius! i miss steven!! but michael and i talked game finally (phew) and he seems to want to work with me and also alex which YAY. he said he and tony are voting astyn. i wish it felt like there was an easy way to get zee out this round cuz her gameplay is giving CONFUSING. and i dont like it LOL i haven’t gotten to talk to champ at all since the results of the challenge came out, and i’m kind of nervous about that. i thiiiiink we can get astyn out but zee is making me very wary cuz she’s j not rly replying and knowing that she’s trying to orchestrate some weird michael vote out is just creeping me out. ANYWHO�� not much else to say. i might tell alex that zee lost her vote the same way he did to see if he can come up with any ideas to get her out tonight but i j dont think i feel it. might be too big a move rn or too divisive or alienating to ppl who aren’t in on the vote. or maybe it would just fail LOL who knows!! astyn feels like a safe vote rn but who knows what will happen before/at tribal. not me :) part of me is like, vote me out so i can have my life back!!! and the other part is like, if i get voted out my life will be over!! which is… truly out of touch with reality!!

Alex

It's fascinating seeing everyone keeping their cards so close to their chest for this first vote. Kolby and Zee both straight up asked me who I was thinking without any buildup but when I spun it back on Zee she was like "I don't have any big thoughts." Like, I know you suggested Michael to Kaleigh so you definitely have thoughts, you just suddenly don't want to share them with me? I know Eman and I will talk game today but we're at least having conversation outside of the game, too. Kaleigh and Michael are the two I feel genuinely solid with right now, and Champ, she's just hard to reach already and it makes me worried going forward. Kaleigh and I were thinking Asytn because they're one of the only two we haven't really met yet, and when Kaleigh floated it to Michael Michael floated it to me. So I think we're all solid as a trio, we just don't have a group chat or anything to make it official like Champ, Kaleigh, and I do. Jack it sounds like is also on board, at least for Astyn, but I don't know if it's because he and Michael are close or because he's just going along with what keeps him safe. Colin and I are dancing around giving up any information to each other and since he's tight with Zee I'm trying not to make the first move. Raffy and I haven't talked since before the challenge even kicked off, so I don't know where we stand, and Tony and I haven't talked since pre-merge but whatever.

--

LMAO I just remembered I don't even have a vote for this. Idol hunting is a nightmare and I'm half-considering stopping hunting entirely so I don't get hit with something else.

Astyn

This round been so quiet for me. I feel like my time has come to an end in this game. I was so excited to make merge. But i have never been so alone in the game. People I thought I was working with with aren't talking to me.

Tribal Council

Votes

Lost Votes: Alex, Kaleigh, Zee, Raffy, Jack, Astyn

Colin: Michael (I don’t think you’re going but unanimous votes are boring!)

Tony: Astyn (nothing personal, we just didn’t have time to connect)

Michael: Astyn (At this point it just makes sense for my game, hope you have a good one!)

Champ: Astyn (OPE OPE OPE)

Eman: Astyn (I hate voting for an enby during Pride month, but to do otherwise would be tokenism.)

Kolby: Astyn (they’re super sweet and i’m sad about this but everyone just wants an easy vote and i don’t want to rock the boat this early in the merge!)

[trashlie]

Please tell me about your shoujo journey. Do you think Skip Beat will outlast ILY? 😂 The pacing is on a whole other level of slow, I gave up on it, two decades running and Kyoko's only aged a year damn! I understand the frustration with the flashback, it is quite sluggish, but we're seeing the true impact Alyssa had on Shinae's trust, how it affects her relationship with Nol now, and what it means for them in the future. Plus we're getting some vital Alyssa content. I feel like she's become even more ambiguous to me. I have no idea where her head is at. I miss reading your analysis. I'd love discuss to her with you after the arc ends and we get our long awaited Shinae x Nol moment. It's been so loooong since we've seen them.

OOOOOHHHHHHH MY GOD ANON LMAO that question just made me pause HARD lmaooooooo. Listen. For alllllll the shit people say about ILY, I just feel it in my BONES that Skip Beat will outlast EVERYTHING lmaoooooooooooo GOD. Like, I'm sorry but ANY TIME people talk about slow pacing I'm just like.... I'll read this whole 30, 50? page chapter and WHAT HAPPENS? HOW MUCH TIME PASSES? NONE! lmao I like to do an annual "catch up" on Skip Beat now and then (when I remember lol). Like I LOVE that the mangka made it about more than just Kyoko's love life but also MAN each acting project is literally years long for us as readers!!!!!!!! lmao thanks to Skip Beat I have the patience to weather ANYYYYTHIIIIIIING hahahahahaha. Taking three months to get through a flashback arc? I can handle it! ILY could take 10 years to reach completion and I'd be, frankly, okay, because at least it could wrap up faster than Skip Beat ever could LMAO (and honestly like... 10 years of solid story telling is pretty ace in my book but that's a whole other thing lmao)

As for my shoujo journey, I'll be honest, it's not SUPER long! I didn't start reading manga until I was graduating high school, so by the time I started to dig into things, after some time I found myself growing out of it? Or, rather no it was more like... there's just a lot of tropes that were present in shoujo I was finding I wasn't into? (Like, oh my god so many triangles where I'd be like MEH I actually prefer the second lead. I learned very fast that a lot of your typical "first leads", at least back in the day, were NOT my style.) I still have a soft spot for a lot of stories that I loved, though! I haven't read Lovely Complex since god probably 2014, 2015? But I STILL loved it back then and I'm really eager for a re-read. I uh.... I really went through a Hirunaka no Ryuusei phase? Like.... lmaoooo it was a Big Thing for me hahhaha (I own the series in Korean, actually!!!!) My first two manga, though, were Skip Beat and Hana Kimi; my friend bought me the first Skip Beat volume at our school book fair and another friend bought the first few volumes of Hana Kimi and shared them with me! Hana Kimi is one of those that like.... you know it doesn't hold up over time, it leans heavily on tropes that are considered ethically nonos these days, but it stays special to me because in spite of all of that, idk I just! Enjoyed it! And now that I'm older I am okay saying "I LIKE THIS THING THAT IS FLAWED AND IMPERFECT AND I DO NOT NEED TO DEFEND IT" lol you know? There was the obligatory Vampire Knight phase that I finally fell out of but OOOF that was A Thing. (I was SO obsessed with it at first lol and I LOVED the art sooooo much that I read another series by the mangaka, MeruPuri which, frankly, was REALLY weird so nothing about Vampire Knight actually surprised me ngl LMAOOOOOO) You know I remember once starting Special A but I do not think I ever finished that! I put myself all the way through Ao Haru Ride even though I kept telling myself I needed to drop it and pretend it didn't exist. God what a trainwreck that one was lol like.... idk I'm not saying this as a dig to people who did enjoy it! There were just times I wanted to enter that story and punch people lmaoooo but I wonder what I would think if I went back and read it again now in the vein of like.... sometimes people are selfish and make bad choices because they are human? lol I also REALLY loved Orange but I'm going to admit I haaaaaaaaaaaaaated the ending and to this daaaaaay I haaaaaaaaaaaated it so much but that's a whole other post lol. LOVED the story, LOVED the art, was super into the theme, but just hated the execution of the ending SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH ;A;

lol I said it's not super long but look at me, rambling on and on!

I know no one is surprised that I wound up talking A LOT and just.... following, there's so much ILY rambling going on about why I appreciate and enjoy this flashback arc, and how I think it boosts the rest of the story so far lol so here's a read more, haaaha.......

I definitely feel you on how Alyssa feels even more ambiguous lol which is so funny. I love the insight and having a better idea of who she is as a person, even if we still don't fully know all of her motives. Just seeing her as a complex character like everyone else has been great. We all know I'm a sucker for parallels lol and seeing how everyone has their own traumas, that everyone has a root for who they are, is the stuff that keeps me hooked on ILY. Alyssa was very easily written off by people and I don't defend her or anything - I really hope we get to see her take responsibility for her actions and ownership for the hurt she has caused, whether on purpose or not - but also, it always felt like she was suuuuuuuper reduced down by fandom on a whole. I think a very human thing quimchee is good at capturing is that we don't always mean to hurt the people we do, but it still happens, and that sometimes good intentions can make things worse in the longrun - and this can go for Alyssa towards Nol or Shinae, frankly.

Honestly, too, something I love about her is like... like you know how if you read a novel, the protagonist is supposed* to be the character who makes the right choices and does good things? And when people are presented an "unlikable protagonist" it's usually a character who is acting on their emotions and responding to their experiences - it's a character making the choices that we ourselves might make. (* I'm saying "supposed" here because a protagonist DOESN'T have to make the right choices, but it turns out people really hate media where female characters make selfish choices lmaoooo) I guess that's what I like seeing about Alyssa in this flashback. I've seen a lot of people say that Alyssa is weak for caving to peer pressure or something but like... was that not the middle school experience? I don't know a lot of people who were super self-assured and full of confidence in middle school - but especially someone in Alyssa's position who has never really interacted with kids her own age and is so afraid of ostracization. Like a lot of the woven storylines of ILY, something I love is that we are shaped by our experiences, right? Most people never faulted Shinae for shutting down and putting up strong defenses when we first met her in the story, because we know she'd been screwed over by life and people and as people who have been there before, we understand self-preservation tactics. She even basically admits it herself that she WANTED to open up to people. Shinae wasn't guarded because she hated people, she lied to herself because of how much she'd been hurt and she was afraid to take that chance again and try it. Shinae is afraid to be burned, Alyssa is afraid for people to ever have a chance to burn her. It's so inherently HUMAN to be afraid of being alienated, to want to BELONG, to want to feel like you fit in. She faces a daily crisis in how she is desperate to belong with people who might not accept her if they knew what she was truly like.

And idk, I cannot fault her for that completely, because it took me until my early-to-mid-20s to learn to be okay on my own and that it was better to be myself than try to fit in where I wasn't wanted. I put up with shitty friendships for a long time because I had myself convinced that it was all worth it. So a middle schooler struggling with this is SO VERY real, and it's wild to me to see people fault her for this. Alyssa has done some things worth being mad about, but seeing her written off for being a human middle schooler is WILD to me.

That's a whole other tangent LOL but it's something I haven't really gotten around to ever talking about. Like, whatever, I cannot - and I won't even try lol to - convince people to like Alyssa, but frankly, I think all of the characters of ILY are SO dimensional and fascinating, how can I not enjoy exploring parts of their story? I think sometimes people think that if I say "I enjoy a character" it means I endorse everything they do. I DO like Kousuke and Alyssa. Would I want to be their friends? Good grief, no. But I'm here as an observer of a story and I think it's fascinating to see how their experiences bring about the circumstances of this story. That moment of dramatic irony when Alyssa promises that she won't stop being Shinae's friend, but we know how it all ends, we all know that's a promise she does not keep, and we know how those events affect Shinae and much of the story that unfolds!

how it affects her relationship with Nol now

I feel like this is something that doesn't come up a lot? Or maybe I just missed any period of fandom when they might have discussed it? Like.... if Shinae hadn't been burned like this by Alyssa, she wouldn't carry the paranoia she does - not about Maya and Rika and certainly not about Minhyuk. Even to this day, we saw that Shinae worries that even the people she trusts are humoring her - because she's been there, she trusted someone who hurt her. The entire trajectory of her relationship with Nol would be completely different! A really beautiful aspect of Nol and Shiane's friendship to me is not just that he managed to make Shinae open up - it's that now that we know how Shinae lied to herself, how she was hurt in the past, how trusting people burned her so badly - but the fact that despite everything she'd been through, she WANTED him to be someone she could trust, she WANTED him to be worth letting down her guard.

Like, again!!!!! Everything that happens in this story only does so because of circumstances and events that precede it. Shinae going to Nol's school was not just because she wanted to check on and see her friend - she was desperate to prove herself wrong, desperate for Nol to prove that he was worth the chances she took, that trusting him was not another mistake she knew better than to make.

I think a flashback arc shows us more than just insight into her relationship with Alyssa, which we've established was something very important, something special that was destroyed. It's the juxtaposition of pre-accident Shinae, who was willing to open herself up, who was plucky and bullheaded and just wanted to be appreciated it. Contrast that with the Shinae we meet early in the story, who has herself convinced it's okay to be alone, when now we know she was yearning to be appreciated, maybe yearning for someone to fight for her the way she fought for Alyssa but believed that something like that wasn't possible. I think we also see the flashback because while we've seen some of the ugly moments of Shinae's life, we never really saw how we went from this point to that point, you know? How there are small pockets of things in her life that make her want to keep believing in what she knows better than to believe - in teachers who listen to her when she tells the truth, in friends who stand up for her and defend in - even as her life starts to crumble. She can't escape her past, she's literally being haunted by it, even as she tried to put it all behind her. Her father is falling more and more into alcoholism due to stress from school plus his job, and soon he's going to be saddled with medical bills and having to take care of Shinae, which is probably what derailed school completely. THESE are the experiences that made the Shinae we know - a Shinae who is TERRIFIED of being hurt but also LONGS to be proven wrong, a Shinae who wants to share an experience she thought maybe she doesn't deserve, a Shinae who quietly believed maybe the universe just wanted to punish her for existing but still tries so hard to defy it.

Idk like yes we get that sense of Shinae without the backstory, but I think it really emphasizes this so much more? And I think it's also some kind of proof, maybe, that Alyssa IS more important than people have given her credit for, not just in the past but also in the future of the story. She doesn't exist just to move plot and drive wedges between relationships or something lol she, too, a complex character with complex experiences and god isn't that the sum of so many moments of people headbutting? That we are complex and sometimes struggle to see beyond our own issues, because what we deal with blinds us? Alyssa is blinded by her desire to escape her family and experience something NORMAL and be liked. Maybe she DOES want attention! Kousuke is blinded by a sense of destiny instilled in him since he was young, blinded by paranoia that fed off of this "destiny", blinded by his inability to accept his father's human nature, blinded by his fear that the only thing that makes him matter to his father is threatened. We met Nol thinking he was a character who looked out for others but even he's been blinded by his misery and by the feelings of worthlessness that has been punched down into him.

We butt heads with people because sometimes we are so caught up in our own struggles that it's hard to understand that others struggle, too, and I think that's where some of the best conflict comes. Like yeah there's good conflict in "Shinae has been roped into attending this horrible formal" but there's something poignant and painful in "Shinae unintentionally repeated the Alyssa cycle when she let Nol in" and even BETTER we get to see how she's grown from it!

This is, as always, lmao a very rambling tangential departure from the main point lol but!!!!! I have had a lot of feelings here and I know part of peoples' irritation is they want to get back to Nol and Shinae right now, but I think seeing Shinae's past helps create even MORE appreciation for what Nol means to her - that he is someone who hurt her but she is still willing to give another chance - and moreover, that we can see that though Shinae came from a loving home, she, too, has suffered her own abuse, was battered and beaten down by people, and unlike Nol, she was able to conclude it doesn't make her bad. Idk it's so beautiful to me and I get really overwhelmed lol it makes me appreciate their friendship SO MUCH more, for what they mean to each other and what they can be, you know? Seeing Shinae's resilience, through the new girl at middle school hoping to start all over to failing at that to putting up that guarded wall to finally taking a chance, finally giving in and accepting that yes, she still has hope, there's still faith, and Nol was that spark. UGH!

ANYWAY lol I do think we are probably nearing the end of this flashback arc. I don't know how many episodes I think remain - I generously said less than 10 a week or two ago lol but I think that was very generous. The timeline (and Alyssa's behavior) feels like we are approaching the point of Alyssa pushing Shinae and YES i will be so happy to go over the whole arc with you!!! I've been wanting to make a post that I keep holding off on, because I don't know if it would be better to do it now or wait for the whole arc to end, but I think there's a good conversation to be had about how a lot of Alyssa's behavior is directly tied to her homelife - how it's implied her father is someone who, at the very least, shouts a lot - and how that ties into her deflective, people-pleasing nature. Again, Alyssa is not really a spineless, MEAN-spirited person. She, like everyone else, is just the sum of her experiences, and I don't think she's learned to deal with them in a healthy way. (And frankly speaking, what about her relationship with Nol IS healthy anyway?)

I know this is so much more than you bargained for lol but you KNOOOOWWWW I love these asks and it HAS been so long since I got to just.... ENTHUSE about this - not just try to analyze or talk about what an episode has revealed but just GUSH about it lol so I could not help myself! But yes, once this arc ends, I will be READY to dissect and discuss EVERYTHING. I feel so emotionally invested, knowing that Shinae is about to experience the worst burn of her life, while she's still so trusting and earnest and aaaahhhhhhhh it's going to HURT so much ;~; But in a maybe cathartic way. (Also, and this is something I should get to later, I think something big about this flashback is that, y'know, it's kind of implied that Shinae has repressed a lot of this. Her memories of the moment are hazy, Alyssa appeared in a series of people Shinae was shocked to realize she harbored so much anger towards. I think as much as this is for US to see exactly what happened, I think it's also kind of a wake up call for Shinae, who has repressed and ignored so much of this, and I'm really REALLY curious to see how she reacts after return to the present. Is she angry? Sad? Sad for her younger self? Is it cathartic for her? How raw is it? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh)