#re my . im trying so hard to be interesting. post from a few days ago | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mariska · 2 years ago

Text

idk if anyone on here is good at/interested in computer repair type stuff but im pretty much out of options on my end with my gaming pc that don't involve sending it anywhere and having to spend an unknown amount of money to be able to use it again so if by any chance anyone who sees this can help or has any advice for me i would be so so so grateful;

about a week ago my pc started completely freezing out of nowhere at seemingly random moments (its made by the brand 'CyberPowerPC', its a 'model C' series from 2020), and i've spent every day since trying everything i can think of to troubleshoot what the problem might be to no avail and meanwhile the freezing has gotten slightly worse.

when it freezes it does it completely, so no matter how long i wait and try to let the computer like, figure it out on its own, no buttons or keys or special number/letter combinations that usually bring up troubleshooting type screens do anyhing at all. a few times the pc has seemingly reset itself at random but when it has done that it can't re-connect to my computer monitor again (they're separate & plugged in to work together) until i step in and do the force-power down holding down the power button.

until like two days ago it was at least somewhat manageable even though it was extremely annoying, but i would let the pc run for a few mins after i turned it on (a few times it did freeze on just my desktop screen having done nothing since turning it on) and usually if i had any program at all, regardless of what it specifically is (like for example i tested out non-video games to see if the pc froze while those were in use instead of my games and it did still freeze, like google chrome and firefox), it would do the complete freeze after maybe 10-15 minutes, i'd force-shut it down because thats the only way it could be reset, and then when i turned it back on it usually didnt freeze again and i could use it for whatever i was trying to do (but it was also taking anywhere from one post-freeze turn on to like 6 or 7 attempts to turn it back on sometimes. once it was back on after freezing completely it would work without issue though).

now as of the past couple days it's just becoming un-usable and keeps doing the complete freeze constantly regardless of how many times i manually turn it off and back on again. the other day i spent all my time awake going through multiple big lists of troubleshooting ideas i'd found online, from windows 10 users to CyberPowerPC users to gaming pc users in general who just know way more about the technology parts of this stuff than i ever will; all of that work resulted in me thankfully having, now, a fully up-to-date pc (to such a specific degree that i had to learn what a 'BIOS' is and how i had to update it for my specific pc model/hardware/etc by placing the specific and correct-to-model BIOS update file on a flash drive that one of my moms went out to buy for me and then pressing like F2 when my computer booted up to do this whole flash drive update installation thing on that pc build-brand troubleshooting/info screen. which was. a nightmare. for me personally. but i did do it correctly!) BUT. it was still completely freezing randomly after all of that work to make sure everything was updated, clear out extra space on my hard drives (there are 2 in the pc build, one is like 900-ish gb and the other is like. smaller than that. idk the specific amount off the top of my head rn but they both have plenty of space to operate properly), update Nvidia graphics drivers, do any and all windows updates and triple check to make sure all of those regular drivers were up to date in the windows specific hardware list page thingy, im just. im at a total loss and i just dont know what else to do from here. this pc is probably the most expensive thing i've ever owned in my life and until a few days ago it was working perfectly for almost 2 years, its not something me or my moms could financially replace and i very highly doubt its something we could even financially get repaired if there is a necessary repair just because it is a really great high-power pc and i'm terrified of what even a hypothetical repaie bill would end up being for it. i also use it for making digital art, which as of right now is not a necessity for me because i dont have any job or requirement to make digital art for, but like. i just got back in to having enough motivation to practice again with that after months and i'm so bummed out about all of this stuff.

anyways, sorry this is a huge wall of text, but if anyone has any advice at all or has experience with this issue or similar issues and can help me out i would be so appreciative....i'm permanently disabled and very high risk in regards to the multiple pandemics happening at the same time in the US and i have not been able to leave my house for things other than drs appointments, therapy, and an occasional car ride with my parents for almost 3 years now. i just don't have a life outside of my home anymore unfortunately because it's inherently life threatening for me to take a risk and visit a store or go to a theater to see a new movie or anything....the things i have in here are my only life right now and i'm so stressed and anxious worrying that the One Good Gaming Pc that i've ever had is just broken and i won't get to replace it. idk if there even is anything i can do on my own aside from a total pc re-set and i'm not willing to risk that with my paranoia and lack of any technical skill. :(

#computers #pc help #computer help #windows 10 #cyberpowerpc #gaming pc #gaming rig #gaming setup #geforce rtx #idk what tags to use or if this will even show up in any tags im just so stressed and anxious abt this

4 notes · View notes

ttlmt · 4 years ago

Note

do it bee

alright.

there’s a few things i kept seeing confusion about, so i’ll try to clear it up the best i can with my amateur enthusiast knowledge.

disclaimer: all of this could be completely wrong. this is just what i’ve learned from working as a bookseller in the past and taking a few classes on publishing and just generally doing a lot of personal research into it both as a reader and with interest in joining the industry. i do not know dan’s individual situation, nor am an expert by any means. i am also coming at this as a canadian, so the innerworkings of uk/us publishing are just from what ive learned here.

you will get through this book:

bee’s possibly incorrect far too long guide to the publishing industry and how international editions and signed copies might work for daniel howell’s new book ‘you will get through this night’ available for preorder now

follow @daysuntilthisnight for a countdown #shamelessselfpromo

1) the uk vs us edition

the uk cover is the one without dan’s face on it. the us cover is the one with dan’s face on it. its not uncommon to have multiple covers and putting someones face on the cover is a very american publisher thing to do, personally i really like both. the cover you get is dependent on where you/your country order the book from.

if you ordered from danandphilshop or shop.danielhowell, you will be getting the uk cover, as it is a uk business. if you ordered from the us store right when the book was announced and before the signed copies sold out, it will probably be the uk cover (more on that in the bit about signed books). after that, i’m not sure because i do not know how irlmerch’s distribution works.

one thing to note is all books have an ISBN number which is like a universal barcode for the book at all stores and it comes from the publisher. the beginning of the isbn dictates the publisher/language/product type/etc and the end identifies the particular book. the uk edition and the us edition have different isbn numbers, as will the ebook, audiobook, etc. this is a good way to figure out which edition you are buying from your local bookstore, and you can cross reference with the isbn in uk or us stores. its usually listed at the bottom of the product page online.

if you live in a country besides the us or the uk, it depends whether the book is being distributed or published in your country. distribution is often more cost effective, and is usually the way it works. as far as i know, dan’s book is being distributed (not published) to the countries on this list with the exception of the us where it is being published (not distributed). if a book is being published in a country, it will have a different isbn and sometimes a different cover. if a book is being distributed it will have the same isbn and cover as the country it is distributed from (usually the closest publishing hub, so london or new york in this case).

to know what edition is in your country, you can compare the isbn numbers and/or the covers. you can also take a look at your other books to see whats normal in your country to get sort of an idea. im assuming europe will get the uk edition but im not sure about other countries.

here in canada for example, our books are usually distributed from the US meaning you will be getting the us cover if you order the book from a canadian store. i ordered from irlmerch when dan’s book was announced though, so i think im getting the uk edition.

1.5) covers and book design

most of the time, especially with new authors, the author has very little say in the final decisions re: book cover and book design. they usually get input, and the publisher gets final say. book design is also a very different thing then general graphic design and professionals genuinely go to school for this. thats not to say there arent bad book designs or that regular people can’t do it too, it’s just something to keep in mind.

2) signed books vs signed editions

there are a few different ways that signed books can work. primarily, there are signed editions and signed books. both are physically signed by the author, the difference is when in the process these books are signed.

signed books is the ‘old-fashioned’ way, where the author will sit at a table and sign copies of their book. the author usually signs on the title page and for a long time, this was the only way to do it. they have already been printed by the publisher so they will have the same isbn as unsigned books. signed books are usually more limited, often they can be personalized, and if you have ever gone to a proper book signing where the author signed the book in front of you, you have a signed book. signed books are also sometimes made available at the authors local bookstore because they are able to sign them in person. as far as i know, the books that were ordered from danandphilshop or shop.danielhowell during the initial signed run will be signed books. i also believe there are/were limited signed books from uk retailers, i think those are/were signed books (not editions) where the isbn matches the normal first edition of the book.

signed editions are a fairly new thing, and have made signed books so much more accessible which is awesome! signed editions have a different isbn then their normal edition and signed book counterparts. they are technically two different books and are listed as a separate book in stores. that is because signed editions have one (1) extra page. this allows the author to be sent boxes of pages, not books, to sign BEFORE the books are bound. the pages are then sent back to the publisher to be included in the final printed copy of the book.

signed editions help authors to sign even more copies which allows for things like signing hundreds of thousands of copies of a book in some cases. if you are familiar with john green’s books (and hank’s too), he is a large part of the reason signed editions increased in popularity. for example, his book turtles all the way down had a signed edition and a normal edition, they were the same price but the signed edition included the one more page that john had signed. this also allows authors to do fully signed first edition runs, such as john’s new book the anthropocene reviewed (which comes out the same day as dan’s book lol), where every single copy of the first edition is signed (so there is no such thing as an unsigned american first edition, this is becoming more popular for some authors to do especially if the first edition print is not very a large quantity).

if you saw dan’s ig story from today (which was almost definitely a delayed post lmao), he was signing the signed edition papers that will be bound in the signed edition copies of the book in the us. as far as i know, it is only the us publisher that has this option. as you can see on the us store books-a-million, there is a signed edition and a normal edition. they are listed seperately and there are different isbns. the signed edition will be bound with the one extra page that dan has signed.

both types of signed books have been actually signed by dan and are so cool to have if that’s something you want and are able to get. if not, you’re not missing much.

3) book piracy and pricing

i’m not here to tell you what to do, so i won’t. i know being able to buy books is a privilege and dan is a millionaire. full stop. he doesn’t need the money and you probably do.

books are expensive. the difference between cost and price of a book can vary drastically. does your calc textbook actually cost the publisher $300? probably not, but it does cost more per copy to print less copies of something (like a textbook) then it does to print millions of copies of a nyt bestseller. does a $24 book cost that much to develop/print/distribute? maybe.

but most of that money goes to the publisher. the fact of the matter is authors get very little from the actual sale of the book (usually only a couple dollars), which okay, not exactly convincing you against piracy but hear me out. the actual number of sales a book has lets a publisher know how successful a book is, which helps to decide how many more prints/editions are made and often dictates future opportunities for authors.

a series of books that i love is very popular on tumblr, but there was a serious problem a few years ago where copies of the book were being pirated so much, sales were down so drastically, that the publisher almost didn't continue to publish the series. in the case of smaller authors or your favourite ongoing series, buying your copy of the book could be the difference between the existence of the next book or not. in dan’s case, i don’t know what his future plans are, idk if he plans to write more in the future, but i do know that publishers look at previous sales to decide if they are going to publish a book in the future.

ebooks are usually cheaper and more accessible if money is an issue. used books, while not helping with sales, are also a great option if you’re willing to wait and look around. you can often request your local library buy a book and read it that way, or they might even already have it. there probably even audiobooks and ebooks at your local library. stores like am*zon are usually cheaper as well. online stores of large chains like b&n and indigo will often have the books cheaper to match amazon. however if you can, support your local bookstore.

of course if the author is a horrible person do whatever tf you want. also fuck the textbook industry.

tldr: dan worked really hard on his book with professionals to make it the best it could possibly be. i think it looks beautiful, and it will help a lot of people. the publishing industry is a mess but really cool. check the isbn of the copy you ordered if you want clarification or you can just wait for the surprise.

#this is nearly 2k words #i was supposed to work today xsfhkdf #but this was fun!#also if anyone has any more info or anything id love to be (nicely) informed #and any other qs i can attempt to answer #ask #anon

55 notes · View notes

towerofgodscreamblogwink · 4 years ago

Text

reading last chap of s2 after covering several chapters yesterday, also since it's end of the season, for once I put some bigger serious thoughts at the end

who the FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE???

OH MY GOD KARAKA IS TSUNDERE

there are OTHER slayers?? (except fucking ex white) if they mentioned it earlier i must’ve forgot

that’s not how to talk to your daddy greatest

-(no i don’t like jahad i’m here to bully karaka because i tend to bully my faves)

*punches table* rabbit boy. get out. i have not sighed so loud in my entire life

oh i see why people were calling them furries.

listen, you either give us catboys or leave.

please don’t say “creatures” if it’s like your furry way of talking

that guy: not to worry he has a permit

gustang: *pulls out paper* “i can get whatever i want”

i’ve read “gremlin” im dONE

you know what maybe i should just go to bed rn

also cat is destroying my door dear lord

ok so it’s the next day now

“ahahaha”

“I can’t read...”

SHIT I HAVEN’T NOTICED RACHEL GOT TELEPORTED

erh i’m dumb on this one, why have they made this parallels?

I don’t want to tell you this but he just reminded me of chara undertale...

wangan: onii-chan!?

wait what

ouch

soooo karaka believes wangan’s story even w/o ring then?

*spits tea* ow goddammit not the feels

anyhoo that’s the end of s2, siu put a note about break but yeah that was years ago, so pretty sure i’ll be starting s3 even now but i won’t be posting it rn

anyhoo well that was suprisingly long season? my usual knowledge of “Seasons” is usually from anime, and these tend to have seasons with usual 2 or 3 arcs but they usually don’t go in so many different directions

personally it feels like half of season 2 is a season on it’s own tbh, and maybe that’s how anime could adapt it, perhaps? although 12 episodes would work best with just setting on saving bam from fug.. either anime would make the seasons in parts like aot did with s3 or have lots and lots of seasons, since probability of anime getting 24 episodes has gotten awfully small those years

As for the opinions on season 2... I see first half and season on it’s own, so let’s start from this - Bam getting rescued, and first time they enter hell train. First of all, Bam as Viole is absolutely nailing this, and I wouldn’t mind having Viole as protagonist to be honest, although it would be indeed sad as Viole is not the happiest person, but damn is he a cutie. Is he a baby.

Wangan - oh dear I dunno if others saw the plot twist coming, but I did not - I have absolutely been viewing him as Bam’s counterpart to his Viole side, just a complete shounen protagonist who’s completely ordinary. Boy was I w ro n g. I only remember vaguely being sus about him when Viole has mentioned his ring, but that was about it, as it was never mentioned again, I forgot about it. And then it appeared Karaka has this ring. Boy was I shooketh.

I don’t think I exactly liked the further progression though until Wangan’s story was revealed - until then he kinda fell into background, and then soon again as said story was revealed. However I do know Siu has big plans with him, and at this point I know Siu’s writing enough, so I don’t have much worries about his further progression

Also sadly there was no Karaka-Wangan brother bonding

Next in mind I have Khun, naturally, as he’s my icy hot favourite. I don’t really know why even, when I saw him in anime I was quite indifferent about him. So if you want me to explain why do I like khun, I can’t really explain. Other than when he was becoming my favourite, I remember being dissappointed in myself and making a post to myself “Goddammit don’t fall for him just because he’s your type” and he’s not even really my type in terms of personality, but at that point I was jsut shrugging it off, maybe it was his childish over-dramatic posture contrasting his cold personality because I just hit that protect button

Also yes I may be basic just slap me already

And before I’ll start talking: girl’s scout outfit, really? I support my son and I can understand his edgy and k-pop fashion... But I’d be lying if I said I understood him for shit at that moment

So now that we’re past back... I was actually recently re-reading first chapters, and damn, the difference of Khun before Bam was rescued - was rather intriguing. He was laughing his ass off at silly things (his team being dressed silly) but oh sweetie did it feel weird.

Next, I keep thinking about him on the train obliberating Rachel - despite popular opinion, his cockiness was actually getting on my nerves, and only thing saving it, was his reasons were Bam - so in other words, at least he wasn’t an asshat for his own sake.

I much liked his personality during second half of the season 2 - as much as there wasn’t much khunbam content - seems like Khun has grown as a person,as his cocky aura much disappeared as he became more understanding towards his own weaknesses. Now his “cockiness” became rather entertaining if you catch my drift, because despite his jerk nature, he *is* well aware of his flaws, and I just like that. Not that he *wasn’t* considerate of that already, but the hidden floor really did wonders on him.

And dear my, his relationship with Bam. I’ll be honest, at some point during reading first half of season 2, I felt like I was reading romance story between him and Bam. It was all the little things, like playing with Rachel just to know Bam’s past, Khun noticing Bam was uncomfortable with Viole wig, Khun being near Bam as he spoke he has no reasons to live, Khun standing up for Bam when strangers tried to use him and Isu asked for his help but skipped the asking part, Khun looking back to Bam telling him he’ll be back when going to catch the fish on train, Khun trying to talk to him when Bam locked himself up in his room on train, constantly checking and finally waiting in his room when he notices Bam is gone, Khun noticing lack of Bam’s presence before going to floor of death right *after* he just said he feels like world is ending if Bam isn’t here, and then beeming when Bam does in fact appears. And that’s just all the stuff I can remember right now, and I mean the *little* things. The big things are the ones we know well - “So that I can always chase” and the famous world one I don’t have to quote.

Second half didn’t have much scenes, but there were few that did stuck to me - Bam’s line to Kiseia how he understands why she hates him, but he’ll do everything he can to stop her if she plans to harm Khun *again*. Because it seemed like Bam kind of moved on from Khun getting stabbed by his sis, but that panel did show that not only it *did* stay with him, it also stayed with him that it was *Kiseia* who hurt him.

Another scene was the one I don’t think I need to talk about much, as we all pretty understand - moment of Khun and Eduan awkward father-son bonding. Khun tries to close himself off, but Bam reaches out, and forces him out of comfort zone

But what mostly stuck out to me, was his behaviour after Khun became kinda dead. It was the way he spoke to endorsi and rest, how *he’s* going to take khun and follow the *harder* path, and anyone who *don’t want to come*, can take the easier one. Basically, he was prepared to go the harder route completely alone because it meant taking Khun with him, and he was just, prepared to go without any help, he only optionally added that others can join if they *want* to.

Another interesting scene, was Hwaryun calling him out, when few of his teammates has been captured, due to them taking the different path from Bam - but if they are meant to escape with Khun, they have to leave them, and when Bam gets steamy about it, Hwaryun goes - “I didn’t choose the teams. You’ve chosen them based on who matters more.” It’s so subtle, so cruel, yet intriguing - one of the most worst way to tell someone he cares for someone else more - she’s only saying Khun mattered to him more, but in this context, it sounds accusing, making Bam’s decision selfish. And that’s something that’s absolutely in my mind - his care for Khun, called out in “accusing” matter - as something that stopped him from commiting other decision - as something he’s willing to priotize others over.

So I can’t stop thinking about that, and truthfully? That last “take care of Khun after me.” line.

But the other line from bam’s monolouge that gets me is “Wait a bit more Khun... I’ll wake you up again.” That “again” gets to me, but I can’t really explain it. Maybe it’s the way he looks at Khun longily.

So this covers their relationship, and I think I’m only gonna mention Bam now real quick and perhaps Eudan and Jahad, because the post’s getting long and I don’t want to make *this* post specifically long.

I don’t have much to say about Bam, as Bam himself doesn’t have much to say about him. He didn’t have much definying features or characteristics besides the time he was Viole, but you have to hand it to him for growing after meeting after she pushed him for the first time - it was still hard to say anything about him though. For several chapters later - as well, except he did manage to develop the traits of self-sacriface, and actual resolve to save everyone - because he talks about *always* and sure fights for his friends, but who doesn’t? Where his personality shines in this regard, is in the moment of Bam saving his enemies with no questions asked, and White by the way definetely helped Bam to develop his personality for sure.

But either way I’m here roasting Bam, while my goal was to say, that it was in the hidden floor where I’ve actually started recognizing him as his own character - it was in the moment of him having final confrontation with Viole, I finally saw what kind of person he was. And I liked it, he became a solid character in that moment, accompanied by proper flashbacks and exploration. And Bam continues to be then written quite consinstely as in one of later flashbacks, he indeed says, what he said to Viole a while ago - he’s afraid of being alone. Not only that, the internal conflict was added - is he a monster? is he not? It’s simple conflict but can do wonders, and it’s not something that Bam even thinks about, it’s more of a really subtle conflict within a character design itself, rather than Bam.

So basically now Bam indeed feels more of an actual character

And before I’ll end it for now, I want to mention the meeting of young Eudan, andyoung Jahad - truth to be told, I don’t have most unique feelings towards them as anyone sees the point - the adventures with pure intentions turned evil, aka how everyone can turn evil. What makes me more interested, is how Siu has used it for storytelling... Main characters having a big meeting with the younger versions of villians? Haven’t seen that one yet, so I’m interested what direction Siu will take with it, since this is my first time seeing it, so I’m really curious how exactly you can utilize such scenes in terms of long planned story, and not only how they affect story as a whole, but how they also affect just aspects of it as well.

So, that’d be it on my commentary and small “opinion” on season 2. It wasn’t like I exactly wanted to put it here, but I wanted the end of season 2 to have more meaning to myself. But not only to have a meaning to myself *just* for my own reasons, but because I didn’t want to leave the whole season with nothing but small comments there and there. I wanted my experience altogether to be something bigger - but not only experience, but my “legacy” as well. So, that’d be about it x2, if you’re still reading, congratulations, I appreciate that, and you get an apple

#tog #tower of git gud #tower of god #nesreads #nes reads

19 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 5 years ago

Text

You & Me : chapter 17

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i know some of you were sort of waiting for that soooo here it is! PLEASE let me know what you think!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i added a few but some im not posting the screenshots of because i didnt add everything in the ask so it felt weird to add them. it was tough to add requests tho because I sort of had something planned. i hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Chapter 17 : His chapter

NIALL

I hadn't heard from Olivia in days but I was not really surprised. Apparently, her fiance (and trust me when I said I hated that word) had came back for a few days and she had without a doubt spent all her time with him. I was so mad when Harry told me about it that I actually initiated sex with my girlfriend, which was something I hadn't done in a very long time. I hated to think about Olivia with him. In fact, I hated to think about Olivia with anyone that was not me, and it was driving me a bit insane. Who would have thought my best friend would give me all these feelings? I wouldn't have guessed that back then, when we were kids.

I was the first one to sit at the restaurant as I waited for everyone to be there. It was sunday morning and we all had decided to have brunch together. I was not really in the mood but at least, it made me get out of the house, if only for a few hours. Even Heidi, whom I almost broke up with about 5 times in the past 2 days, couldn't handle being around me too much. I was still pissed at her and I knew she could feel it but somehow, I felt like she held me responsible for everything that had happened, like me being mad at her for what she did gave her the right to be mad at me.

Of course, I was not completely innocent in all of this and the fact that Olivia and I had kissed and more should make me feel guilty but it didn't. We were supposed to be together so why were we still apart and dating other people?

Louis and Eleanor were the first ones to join me, followed by Julie and Liam. We started talking about what we would do for Harry's birthday when I felt her presence behind me. It was a mix of the connection we had, and the way she smelled like, that always made me know when she was around and I started wondering if she could sense when I was near, too. It's only when she took a seat that something stirred in my stomach. Her boyfriend was there too and he was doing everything he could not to look at me. It made me frown and suddenly, I realized that she probably told him everything. It shouldn't surprise me, she was not the kind to keep things from people or even worse, lie, but I thought it was something that only belonged to us and it bothered me to know that she shared it with someone else, even if that someone else was the boyfriend she was cheating on. He was also still there, with her, making me think he had forgiven her, which was some crazy level of bullshit.

I tried to have fun and chat with everyone but I couldn't help but keep glancing at Olivia. She didn't seem at ease and I was not even sure why she had decided to come. She didn't enjoy that kind of confrontation and awkward moments normally and once again, I guessed that Dylan was probably the one who had convinced her to come.

I knew everyone was having fun but I was not and when everyone was done eating and were just chatting and laughing, I got up and said my goodbyes. They were short and I had a hard time to fake a smile but I still sent one last glance to my ex girlfriend before leaving.

I was searching for the right key on my chain when I noticed someone from the corner of my eyes and immediately hoped it was Olivia. When I turned my head, however, I noticed Dylan walking towards me and I was wondering if he was just going to throw his fist in my face. I didn't know what kind of guy he was, and although I felt like my ex girlfriend couldn't pick a violent guy, I also didn't know what a man who was cheated on could do.

"Hey man," he started, standing in front of me with a small frown before sighing. "Look, i'm not sure how to tell you that but, I know there's something between you and my girlfriend."

I stood there in silence, not really knowing what he expected from me. Was I supposed to agree? Apologize? Try to explain myself?

"I love her, you know."

I kept a straight face but my heart jumped in my chest. I loved her too. I was in love with her, but I couldn't tell him that, even if I was dying to.

"I know."

"Just," he passed his hand nervously in his hair. "I don't know how to ask you not to ruin this."

I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to let his words sink in and I started feeling bad. Not because I felt guilty for trying to get my ex girlfriend back, but because It was not the first time someone was asking me not to ruin something. I knew I could lie to him but I was not going to.

"I don't intend to ruin your relationship." I just pointed out in a low tone. "But is that really what you want? You want to marry a girl who's not completely yours?"

He sighed and glanced down before looking up in my eyes.

"If you were me, wouldn't you try anyway?"

This time, I had to admit that I was speechless and I just sighed too. Of course I would. If I was in his shoes, I would probably try to keep her, too, which is something I should have done over a year ago instead. If I had, we wouldn't be stuck in this mess.

I ended up just nodding and he did the same before turning around and leaving. I waited until he was back inside to get in my car and closed my eyes, breathing in and out deeply. I couldn't get myself to give up about Olivia, even if I knew she would be happy with Dylan, even if I knew it would hurt him and probably Heidi in the process, even if it would make an even bigger mess in our lives. I hit my wheel once and then a few more times a bit harder, hitting also the honk by accident. It was getting ridiculous and I knew that whatever was going to be decided needed to happen very soon.

I drove home and waited. I didn't want to be the first one to reach out, I thought that time, she was the one who had to call me and I waited.

It was a random thursday afternoon when I got her text message. The truth was, I was sitting in front of the tv but I was not really watching it. I had picked a netflix show that I was not really interested in just because I knew I was not able to focus on anything but when I put it on pause, I realized it would now probably suggest me a bunch of boring tv shows and I sighed, grabbing my phone. I could pretend I was not happy to get a message from her but i'd be lying. I could even try to say I tossed my phone away and kept on watching my stupid show but in reality, my heart had skipped a beat and I had re-read her words about ten times.

'Can we talk? I miss you.'

I blinked a few times, a bit surprised and annoyed by her words, and pressed my lips together in anger. Did she really just message me as if I hadn't stormed out of her place the last time we talked to each other? As if she hadn't asked me not to break up with my girlfriend after pointing out she was still getting married despite everything that had happened between us? As if she hadn't ignored me at the restaurant? I wanted to text her back to remind her that I was pissed and let her know she needed to stop toying with me. Instead, I decided to do it face to face.

'Where?'

I was expecting her to choose between her place of mine but instead, she asked me to meet her in a park and it made me frown. I got up and grabbed my keys and wallet, but kept my sweatpants and t-shirt. I had been quite lazy in the past few days and I didn't even give a fuck.

The drive seemed long but it was probably just because I was impatient and when I saw her, waiting for me on a bench, I stopped walking and inhaled deeply before sighing again. She looked good and I had missed her. The anger I felt so strongly for her now seemed more like annoyance or pain and I didn't feel like being rude to her anymore. I pushed my hands in my pockets, my eyes never leaving her, as hers were traveling around her. She could have been on her phone like most people would but instead, she was looking at kids running, people having picnics and most of all, at dogs walking by. I noticed her lips curling slightly every time one was near and it made me smile a bit, too. It's only when her eyes moved on me that I smiled more and I noticed that she did too. Why was it always so strong when we were near each other? I walked to her and sat a bit farther on the bench, making sure we wouldn't touch. She turned slightly to face me as I leaned against the back of the bench. placing my arm on it too, my hand very close to her shoulder now.

"I'm here now." I just said, my smile faltering a bit. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Niall. I'm sorry for what I said, too." she let out, surprising me a bit. "Of course what happened between us matters. It's... it's all that matters, or almost."

She sighed and I stared at her as she looked down at her hands. She started playing with her fingers nervously and licked her lips but I remained silent.

"I asked to meet here so we wouldn't be tempted to just throw ourselves at each other instead to talk. Because that's all we do, you know? We flirt and we kiss and we touch but we have no idea what to do with our feelings."

I moved slightly closer to her and bent down a bit as my hand gripped the back of the bench tightly. It caught her attention and she looked up, her traits softening immediately when our eyes met.

"I love you and you love me." I whispered firmly, my eyes dropping to her lips before moving back to her eyes. "You love me more than you love him. We're meant to be."

Those were not even questions, they were facts, and somehow, I could feel that she thought the same thing. Her lips parted and I realized that I was in her vital space and despite how rational and private I was, that made me want to kiss her. Whenever we were at very short distance of each other, we were attracted to each other like magnets.

I pressed my lips together but it took me all my strength to move back a bit, making sure I wouldn't just kiss her right there, in the middle of a discussion.

"I know you want me to break things with Dylan, I'm just... Niall I'm not sure I trust you." she looked up and I saw she was tearing up. "You used to be the only person I really trusted and now? I don't know, Niall.."

"I know I've hurt you, I know I've broken your trust, but we deserve an other chance don't you think?"

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard but when she looked at me again, a tear fell from her right eye and she quickly wiped it.

"What exactly do you want, Niall?" she asked, sniffing.

"You! I want you!" I expressed a bit louder. "It's your heart I want Olivia!"

"Why? So you can break it again? Shatter it in pieces? Stomp on it?" she let out, her face twisting in pain. "Because I won't survive this an other time, Niall!"

"I would nev-"

"You'd never do that?" she cut me quickly. "Because I used to believe you'd never break my heart and then you did. So I'm just supposed to let go of the only guy who's ready to drop everything for me, for a guy who broke me before?"

"Who says i'm not ready to give up everything for you?"

We stayed in silence for a long time, just looking at each other as people laughed, talked and ran around us. We were the only static alive things in the park. Even the trees moved due to the small breeze and I focused on her parted lips and how she looked wordless because of my question.

"I need time." her voice was so low it was almost inaudible and I just nodded, feeling my heart twist in my chest. "I'm sorry again for the other day. I should have ran after you."

"I should have called you back then. I should have tried to get in contact with you. I should have told you that I missed you, that I still wanted you in my life. I should have told you my album was about you." I let out before taking a short pause. "I shouldn't have broken up with you."

Her head tilted and the left corner of her lips moved up a bit.

"And I should kiss you right now."

"But you won't." I just let out low.

"I won't."

I nodded and sighed, finally looking away.

"I'll give you all the time you need." I gave in, knowing I was going to have to be very patient. "But even if I understand your reluctance, I love you, and I hope you can trust me again."

I felt her fingertips brush on the top of my hand that was still gripping the back of the bench and held my breath at the feeling of her skin against mine.

"Me too."

----

We decided to do the party at Louis and Olivia's and for some reason, I liked that idea. We had fooled Harry with the surprise by throwing colorful balloons at him and screaming 'Happy Birthday!" when he walked by the door and it was probably the cheesiest thing we ever did. Of course, Louis had proposed to play a prank on him where we would all ignore him all day but from what I had understood, Olivia had voted against it and apparently, she had a veto power or something.

"Who drank all the beer?" Louis asked in a loud voice after dinner. "I'm tired to drink your expensive wine, Livi, I want cheap beer and some nachos!"

"You are the most annoying person ever!" Olivia let out, rolling her eyes, before turning to Eleanor. "I don't know how you do it!"

El laughed as Louis glared at my ex girlfriend. "You're the one who lives with him!"

"Not for long again."

I frowned again and moved my chin in her direction. "Are you moving out?"

"No, Louis and I are going to move in together." Eleanor replied with a large smile as Olivia walked up to me.

She opened her lips to say something but Eleanor talked again and caught her attention.

"Did you drink? We could go buy beers maybe? Just so he shuts up!"

"Heyyy, I heard that!" Louis pointed out as El wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I can drive, no problem, I just had a glass of wine before dinner." Olivia shrugged, grabbing her hoodie and looking for her keys.

I wanted to propose to go with her but I knew it was a bad idea. Besides, Julie and Eleanor just grabbed their stuff and all the girls left, leaving me with Harry, Liam and a tipsy Louis. I don't know how the discussion turned from Harry being extra single at the moment to sexual encounters but I kept glancing by the window to see when they'd actually come back.

"I swear, that girl was crazy. She had me buy a whip and stuff." Harry rolled his eyes. "A real one too, like, it was insane."

"Don't even try, I bet you loved it. You're the kind of guy that makes us want to believe he's a dom but he's just really a sub." Louis laughed, raising his nose up with amusement. "The best kind of sex is just that first time you push yourself inside a girl that you've wanted for a long time. That my friend, is what bliss is all about."

"Or you know, a fucking good blowjob." Liam let out, making all of us laugh.

"I love when the girl lets me be a bit rough with her." Louis just added with a sly smile.

"Yea, Olivia loved a bit of a spank." Harry laughed, making me frown immediately.

I didn't like hearing about my ex girlfriend having sex with anyone, as hypocrite as it could sound. I also didn't want to be reminded that they fucked and dated, and most of all, it seemed extremely inappropriate to talk about one of our friends like that. Friend who could walk by the door at any moment.

"Oh yea, and a light choke, too."

This time, I frowned even more and turned to Louis who was laughing.

"And how exactly do you know that?" I asked a bit rudely, making him look at me.

"Relax, mate. She told me." he just explained with a shrug.

"So you never had sex with her?" I insisted just as meanly as the room fell silent. Everyone turned to Louis who remained motionless for a few seconds before clearing his throat and taking the cigarette he had placed behind his ear to light it up. I didn't really think they had but he knew so many things about her that it bothered me.

"Niall, come on."

His answer made my heart jump so high in my chest that I thought I was going to puke. If he hadn't had sex with her, he would have just said that, right?

"Did you fucking have sex with my girlfriend, Tomlinson?" I asked a bit louder, getting up quickly.

"EX girlfriend, Niall!" Louis frowned, getting up too, before pushing the smoke out of his lungs quickly. "You two were broken up."

I heard Harry curse but didn't send him a glance. All I could think about was Louis' hand wrapped around Olivia's neck as he fucked her and that made me feel even worse.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!" I almost yelled. "Telling how much of an asshole I was for sleeping around after breaking up with her while you were shagging her!"

"Oh I'M a hypocrite?" Louis frowned, tapping his chest a finger from the hand he was still holding his cigarette with before pointing at me. "Take a look at yourself! Being all mad that your ex girlfriend rode my cock while your dick dipped in so many vaginas you probably can't even remember half of them!"

I felt myself get so angry that I practically ran to him before being stopped by Liam, who acted like a shield between us. He placed his hands on my chest and tried to get my attention by moving his face in front of mine.

"Woa mate, no, don't."

I put my hands into two fists and squeezed them so hard I knew my knuckles had turned white and I felt them shaking. Why didn't anyone tell me that my ex girlfriend and one of my best friends had sex before?

"How many times?" I just asked in a low tone, waiting a few seconds to get an answer. Silence. "How many fucking times!?"

Louis didn't have time to answer. The door opened and the three girls walked in, laughing together. They all stopped when they saw us and Eleanor frowned, her eyes moving from me, to Louis and then Liam.

"Okay, what's wrong here."

My eyes found Olivia but she was looking at Louis with a questioning look. I turned to him as he shrugged a shoulder and his lips twisted in a small and guilty smile. Olivia sighed, rubbing her eyes, and that's when I realized there was one thing that bothered me more than them having sex. It was to realize that they were so close now that they could communicate without even talking.

I groaned slightly and stormed out of the room, trying to calm myself but I was pacing in the hall, pulling on my hair and letting out a few curse words under my breath.

"Nee."

I turned only to see Olivia stare at me with soft eyes but it didn't ease the anger inside me. I stopped walking and shut my eyes tight until I felt her hand take mine. My eyes fluttered open again as she stepped back slowly, bringing me to her room. I followed her, not really sure what she was doing, and she let go of my hand when we were inside.

"Please, close the door."

I sighed but finally did what she asked. We were standing together in the dark, very close to each other, but neither of us tried to touch the other or get closer.

"Can you turn the light on, please?"

Once again, I obeyed without a word and when her face appeared in front of me, I immediately imagined her naked on top of Louis. I looked away and closed my eyes, diving my hands in my pockets quickly and playing with the fabric inside of them, twisting it with my fingers.

"Louis told you, right? Is that why you're so mad?"

"Is that why i'm-" I repeated in a whisper. "Are you fucking serious?" I added louder.

"Niall, I was single, and he was single, and you were who knows where." she explained. Her words hurt me but her tone was soft. "I needed comfort, he needed comfort... You got comfort too, didn't you? With a few girls, I heard?"

"But not with any of your friends." I argued, shaking my head. "And I didn't have sex with as many girls as you seem to believe. Is that really what you think of me?"

Once again, the blame was turned towards me when in reality, i was the one who felt fucking betrayed by their behavior.

"Tell me, Olivia." I continued a bit roughly. "How many times did you let one of my best friends make you cum, uh? How many times did you allow him to fuck you so hard you'd forget about me?"

"That's the thing, Niall! I didn't forget about you! Not a fucking second!"

Her answer made my lips part and I stopped frowning. She took a step closer and once again, took my hand in hers, bringing it up to press her palm against mine before intertwining our fingers together.

"I love you, Niall." she whispered. "Having you so close to me all the time... it's making my body vibrate. I know it sounds stupid but it's true. I miss you. I miss everything we did."

My eyes roamed on her face and I licked my lips.

"You're trying to distract me from what I just learned, aren't you?" I asked low.

"No, I'm trying to tell you that it meant nothing. Not for him and not for me. He's the closest friend I have, and we shared that together in a few moments of desperation and intense sadness. I didn't make love with him, I only made love with you. In all my life."

"I only made love with you too." I admitted, squeezing her hand in mine as I watched her tear up.

"Really?" she asked in a whisper as I saw her break down.

"Yes of course, really." I repeated. "Did you doubt it?"

I watched her nod and sniff again. I couldn't wait for the day that the feelings I would bring inside her would only be good ones. I wanted to see her smile again, I wanted to make her happy. I had promised myself I would make her happiness my priority and once again, she was crying right in front of me.

"What can I do to make you smile, Olivia?"

She brought her free hand on my chest and let it slide gently over my shirt as she licked her lips.

"I know I said I needed time but, please, kiss me." she murmured, trying not to sob again. "Just kiss me."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam

77 notes · View notes

tiredandtoothless · 4 years ago

Text

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Thanks for the tag @wildlingoftarth !

Name/nickname: i go by lark when i’m doing fandom things 🐠

Gender: i’m a woman but i’ve got a lil bit of a momma’s boy vibe

Star sign: pisces (my big three are pisces/cancer/cancer—yes, i know 💀)

Height: 5′2″ (sometimes 5′3″ if i really try)

Birthday: march 4

Time: three in the afternoon

Favorite bands: parquet courts, war, cymande, talking heads, X, TLC, los pasteles verdes, molchat doma—honestly i could do this all day so let’s just stop there lmao. i’m especially obsessed with parquet courts & have been for the last few years.

Favorite solo artists: oh god... ok: selena, donna summer, angel olsen, sza, mitski, juan gabriel, grazia, rico nasty, ty segall, marvin gaye, chilo escobedo, BRANDY (my first celeb crush), janet jackson, lennie tristano, gal costa, nao, julieta venegas, and barbara mason are the people i usually listen to at least once a week. questions like these are hard for me tbh!!

Song stuck in my head: kubes by machinegum

Last movie: the holy mountain by alejandro jodorowsky, aka Blasphemy: the Movie. (it was SO good honestly i feel like i could talk about this movie for hours—definitely disturbing at points tho, so if you want to watch, i’d suggest googling a summary first)

Last show: los espookys!!! one of the most perfect seasons of television ever made.

When did I create this blog: only a few months ago! i had been writing fic for myself for a while and was starting to think about posting it, so i made this tumblr. but before that, i was on here constantly 2009ish—2014ish.

What do I post: bro why would u ask me this. how am i supposed to know.

Last thing googled: tartan wool coats. i need a new one bc it’s my trademark (lmao i’m an asshole) and i singed my last one on nochebuena 😬

Other blogs: just this one!

Do I get asks: not really! unless i do one of those ask games. but i love getting random bullshit in my inbox so feel free to ask away

Why I chose my url: it’s part of my favorite line from my favorite parquet courts song (n. dakota): post-nordic grinning/tired and toothless. idk why i love that line so much? it just really speaks to me.

Following: 152

Followers: 130—we love round numbers in this house

Average hours of sleep: we do not speak of this... 🙃 (i go through bouts of insomnia and am a notorious accidental-nap taker)

Lucky number: 4. sidenote: idk ANYTHING about math but i could def write a book about my opinions re: numbers because i am sick in the head (certified)

Instruments: i haven’t touched an instrument in like four years, but i used to play most brass instruments (trumpet was the first instrument i ever picked up and i miss it!), a little bit of piano, and the drums. i tried to learn bass once, but it was difficult so i gave up almost immediately.

What am I wearing: a big-ass flannel button-up and my favorite yellow socks

Dream job: producing tv or working as a curator at a museum (fun fact: i am maybe going to museum school next year)

Dream trip: i am DYING to go to oaxaca or accra in 2022

Favorite food: menudo

Nationality: american (derogatory)

Favorite song: oh honey by delegation. holy shit this song is SO GOOD. sounds like stars falling and honey flowing & feels like falling in love at a bbq in the middle of summer. no joke.

Last book read: lord of light by roger zelazny. it was really good, but i have mixed feelings about it.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: 1) spirited away 2) sailor moon hellooooooo?! 3) octavia butler’s xenogenesis trilogy—is that darksided of me?! idk. it might be. but it seems like it’d be interesting.

Tagging @kulliare @virareve @forbiddenfantasies1 @aliveanddrunkonsunlight @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined & whoever else wants to do this!

(sorry if i’m tagging anyone who’s already done this whoops)

xoxo

#30 questions game #the void

4 notes · View notes

thisoldquill · 4 years ago

Text

The Wedding

An original fanfiction, rated G

Please do not repost my work. All original work of the Harry Potter world is not mine, just this piece.

This scene from the Deathly Hallows really inspired me to get re-acquainted with my OC, Charlotte Yang, that I made ages ago. Now that I am older, my character has grown with me and I wanted to explore her path as she becomes an adult during the Second Wizarding War. There’s a lot of backstory I didn’t explain in this fanfic (like befriending Fleur Delacour and George Weasley, or moving to Paris) but I’ll get there, I promise! I wanted to focus more on her post-Hogwarts journey mostly because we’re the same age now and both navigating our lives after school. If literally none of this interests you, skip it! But please do not send me rude comments about my work.

-Ms. Cinnamon

~~~

Charlotte checked herself once more in the mirror beside the bed before reaching for her traveling cloak. She had decided on wearing a pretty sapphire blue sheath dress with a matching bolero jacket and heels, her hair pinned back into a neat chignon with a glittering jewel hairpin; surely this ensemble wouldn’t upstage the bride, although, that would be very difficult to do. Quickly striding to the door, she plucked the large wrapped gift box from the coffee table and locked the door behind her. Charlotte was headed off to her old friend’s wedding and made sure to book a room at the Leaky Cauldron as soon as she’d gotten her invitation. It was much easier to take a Portkey from Paris to Diagon Alley, then Disapparate to the Burrow, than to attempt Disapparate over one long trip (which might increase chances of splinching!). Not to mention it had taken many weeks of persuasion of her head of Department, Madame LaFlamme, to allow her to visit Britain for a few days. Tension had been brewing between the French and British Ministries of Magic ever since You-Know-Who had returned, so many employees alike were being restricted in non-essential travel. Her heels clipped purposefully on the cobbled road as she walked to the central courtyard, then she steadied herself to concentrate hard on the Burrow. Charlotte felt herself contort uncomfortably for a few seconds, and with a loud pop!, arrived a short distance away from the Burrow.

There were several large white tents being hoisted up to stand erect in the field around the sloping house and she could see several red-headed people magicking the finishing touches on them. She picked up the pace to the house as to avoid running into a certain one of the red-headed men… Now at the front entrance, she rapped on the door and was met with a harried looking woman, Mrs. Weasley.

‘Hello, welcome! I’m afraid the wedding isn’t until later, but do come in for some tea,’ she invited Charlotte, her eyes roaming over her face in vague recognition. Charlotte had met Mrs. Weasley before but it was all very long ago now.

‘Do not worry, Molly,’ Fleur spoke while appearing from around the corner, ‘I asked ‘er to come a little early to ‘elp me.’ Mrs. Weasley looked relieved to not have to entertain Charlotte and bustled off. Fleur stretched her arms out and wrapped them around Charlotte in a warm embrace.

‘’Ow was ze journey?’ she asked and pulled back. ‘I ‘ope you didn’t ‘ave too much trouble.’

‘Oh, not much. I did have to remind Madame Laflamme several times that I was leaving though,’ Charlotte replied, ‘this is for you.’ She passed the pretty gift box over to Fleur, who’s eyes lit up with curiosity.

‘Ah merci! May I open it?’ she asked, eyeing the box in her hands. Charlotte smiled and nodded, to which Fleur unwrapped the box carefully and took the lid off. Inside sat a set of 12 glistening crystal goblets, a large crystal bowl, and a ladle with a long gold handle. Fleur gasped in delight and picked up a goblet to admire it.

‘Oh, ‘ow beautiful! I cannot wait to use zis!’ she gushed. Charlotte beamed back at her delighted friend; she had searched high and low along Champs-Elysée for the perfect wedding gift and knew that this set was the one when she saw it.

‘I’m glad you like it. Gives me an excuse to come visit more often.’ she joked. As Fleur stowed the goblet away, her fiancé, Bill, entered the room.

‘Bill, come meet my dear friend Charlotte!’ Fleur called out and Bill strode over. He held out his hand and Charlotte noted how confidently he shook it; Fleur had chosen a fine man indeed.

‘Hi, I’m Charlotte, I think we may have met before?’ she inquired as they shook hands. She’d only visited once before, but the man looked familiar.

‘Oh probably, one summer or another ago, it’s hard to keep track of who’s been here over the years,’ he smiled kindly then left to go help with the preparations. Fleur took Charlotte’s arm and led her upstairs to her makeshift bridal suite. It was Charlie Weasley’s old room and white curtains had been hung up all around to cover old posters and create a more bridal atmosphere. There were bouquets of flowers sitting in their vases on the window sills with notes of congratulations and Fleur’s wedding accessories were laid out on the vanity (‘a gift from Bill,’ Fleur had explained). Charlotte was led inside and saw Gabrielle Delacour and Mrs. Delacour sitting on the bed, now set in white bed linens, and chatting in French.

‘Maman, I ‘ave brought Charlotte,’ Fleur announced and Mrs. Delacour looked up. Although Charlotte had become more acquainted with Fleur’s family during her time in Paris, she still felt dreadfully inadequate trying to speak in French to them. Before she could try to string a horrible sentence together, Mrs. Delacour glided over and bestowed a kiss on both of her cheeks.

‘Eet is so lovely to see you again,’ Mrs. Delacour said warmly in a thick French accent, ‘please come visit us once we are back in Paris.’ Gabrielle came up and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek before going over to admire her sister’s dress. After pleasantries were exchanged, Charlotte turned to Fleur,

‘How can I help?’ she asked as Fleur began running a silver comb through her long hair.

‘It is quite alright, Maman and Gabrielle will ‘elp me dress later on,’ Fleur caught her eye in the mirror, ‘I wanted to catch up with you before I become Mrs. Weasley.’ Mrs. Delacour tactfully stood up to leave the room, with a complaining Gabrielle in tow, and shut the door behind them. Fleur paused her combing as she watched the door securely shut after her mother and sister, then rounded on Charlotte.

‘So? ‘ave you gone to talk to George yet?’ Fleur whipped her head around, her eyes gleaming with mischief. Charlotte felt herself blush immediately and crossed her arms. She had been strategically ambushed.

‘What do you mean? Why would I talk to George?’ she retorted defiantly. Fleur tossed her hair and went to stretch out on the bed.

‘Oh please, Bill told me everything about zis predicament. Not to mention ‘ow you couldn’t even speak to ‘im after ze Yule Ball,’ Fleur sighed and made herself more comfortable on the many throw pillows. “I think ‘e likes you too”. Charlotte shrugged and kicked off her heels to join her friend among the mountain of throw pillows. There was no use in hiding these things from Fleur, she usually had a way of finding them out.

‘All that’s in the past though. The Yule Ball was, what, 4 years ago? I am totally over him,’ Charlotte murmured. ‘Besides, it’s too late to bring up all that, especially at your wedding.’

‘Nonsense! It is never too late for someone as wonderful and kind and intelligente as you!’ Fleur said fiercely and several throw pillows rolled off the bed as she jerked up to look Charlotte hard in the eyes, ‘I will make certain zat you ‘ave a chance to reconcile!’ Charlotte felt a rush of affection as she watched Fleur get more worked up and jam the pillows back onto the pile. She knew it was hard for Fleur to make friends because of her blunt nature, but she was deeply loyal to ones she kept.

‘Besides, if you become my belle-soeur, it would be much easier to visit each other,’ Fleur added as an afterthought and settled back onto the pillows.

‘Yeah, and then we’ll get sick of each other,’ Charlotte laughed and the two of them fell into comfortable conversation; it was as if they were back at Hogwarts, relaxing by the lake after a long day of classes. At last, it was time for Fleur to get ready, and Charlotte slipped out quietly to leave the Delacours to prepare as a family. She descended the spiraling staircase and into the landing. There were people everywhere now, and the mountain of wedding gifts by the fireplace was so large, it was spilling into the kitchen. She tried to help Mrs. Weasley but was shooed out to the garden with the other guests. It was late afternoon now, with the sun still shining over the white tents making them dazzle and a few wayward gnomes were starting to crawl back into the bushes. Charlotte was going to walk right up to the entrance of the largest tent, then stopped; she was suddenly very aware that she’d come without a date. So, she stood awkwardly to the side, as couples began to file in, and debated if she should wait until she could enter unnoticed (‘I really should have brought Axel with me,’ she muttered to herself), but felt a soft tap on her shoulder. She spun around to see Luna Lovegood and her father smiling at her. Both were wearing garish marigold-yellow dress robes that clashed horribly with their blond hair; though once you got over the shock, their ensemble actually looked quite festive.

‘Hi Charlotte, fancy seeing you here,’ Luna greeted in a dreamy voice, her huge eyes gazing up at her.

‘Hi Luna, Mr. Lovegood,’ she greeted back and blinked, recovering from the visual assault that was their dress robes. Luna had been her fellow Ravenclaw, and although they weren’t in the same year, it was still nice to see a familiar face.

‘We’re about to go in, care to join us?’ Luna asked and Charlotte nodded, grateful. They approached the entrance of the tent and a grumpy looking red-headed boy greeted them.

‘Hello Harry,’ Luna said and the boy seemed to be caught off-guard. Charlotte eye her incredulously, that was not Harry Potter at all.

‘Luna! How did y-,’ he sputtered while Luna smiled serenely at him.

‘You’ve got a certain aura; I can tell it’s you because of it,’ she replied calmly. Harry seemed to regain composure and mumbled something about Polyjuice potion, then lead them to their seats. This had startled Charlotte. If Harry Potter couldn’t even show his face at an extremely protected wedding in the middle of nowhere, then they must be preparing for the worst. Surely the Death Eaters wouldn’t try to come here? She made a mental note to ask him about this, in case she could offer insight from the French Ministry, not that it would be extremely helpful. The current rumor going around the office was that the French Minister was going to decline partaking in the looming war against You-Know-Who in Britain. Still deep in thought, she sat in her seat and was awakened from her reverie when the lights dimmed. She didn’t have time to chat to the other guests around her when music began playing. Everyone looked around to see Mr. Delacour proudly standing with Fleur, their arms looped together. They began to walk (Fleur more so gliding) down the aisle while Gabrielle and Ginny Weasley followed behind, looking pretty in gold colored dresses. Charlotte gazed at her friend, who was normally so beautiful, but now was exceptionally so as a bride. She didn’t notice that tears had welled in her eyes until one slid down her cheek. It was Fleur who was so caring and sharp-witted once you got to know her, who comforted Charlotte when her parents moved away from England, who made sure she was looked after upon moving to Paris… If anyone deserved to have a beautiful wedding, surrounded by wonderful family and friends, it was Fleur. Charlotte wiped her eyes hastily on her sleeve when she saw someone hold out a handkerchief to her.

‘Thank you-,’ she whispered but the rest of her sentence dried up in her throat as she looked at the person offering the handkerchief. It was George. The man she had avoided for so long, standing beside her in the dark, offering a damn handkerchief to her with a stupid grin on his face. Charlotte snatched her hand back as if burned, then turned to face Fleur and Bill, stiff as a board. It became very difficult to listen to the couple profess their love to each other and she thoroughly wished she could Disparate right then and there. Finally, the tiny wizard at the front finished speaking and waved his wand with a flourish, asking guest to please rise. The chairs vanished and a glossy dance floor was spreading out beneath their feet. With everyone letting out gushes of excitement and shuffling to speak to other guests, Charlotte used this commotion to slip away from George and into a crowd of middle-aged wizards.

‘Right, if I just go congratulate them, I can be on my way,’ she thought and made up her mind while working her way through the crowd towards the newlywed couple. It was quite difficult with everyone dancing and merry-making, that she ended up sidetracked on the way to Harry’s table. Charlotte then remembered she wanted to talk to him about the Polyjuice potion (and Death Eaters), so she took a glass of champagne from a passing waiter to look like she just wanted to sit down for a drink. Settling neatly into the chair adjacent to him, she noticed he was staring intently at Ginny and cleared her throat politely.

‘So, why the different look tonight?’ she asked cautiously and Harry’s eyes widened in surprise, ‘I suppose you’re expecting something bad to happen?’ Harry sat still, and she could tell he was debating on if he could trust her or not. As he hummed and hawed, she took a sip of champagne; it fizzed pleasantly in her mouth and went down easily as water.

‘Well actually, yeah,’ he finally spoke. ‘I don’t want to cause any trouble.’ He motioned to the festivities and Charlotte bobbed her head as neutrally as she could. Harry was always up to something it seemed. She had not had a single peaceful school year since he’d shown up at Hogwarts in her third year and trouble always seemed to follow in his wake. A silence ensued as she pondered what to ask next.

‘I’m sorry about Dumbledore, I know you had meaningful relationship with him,’ she said carefully, she didn’t want to seem to nosy. ‘And I’m certain he’s left you something to do, like the other times.’ This much was true; Dumbledore, while kind to all of his students, seemed to take a special liking to Harry. He turned sharply to face her and leaned in forward to whisper.

‘That’s none of your business!’ he said through gritted teeth. Ah, so there had been something. Charlotte set her glass down and leaned forward.

‘I know it’s not, and I’m sorry that I pried into private business. I work at the French Ministry of Magic, and I want to warn my colleagues about anything fishy going on here,’ she apologized, trying to soften her voice. ‘I wanted to know if Death Eaters were on the move to France and if I could be of assistance to you.’ Charlotte saw Harry relax and uncross his arms.

‘S’all right, just private matters. I don’t think Vol-, You-Know-Who is interested in France at the moment,’ he replied gruffly but looked more at ease. ‘And so far, Death Eaters haven’t fled anywhere.’

‘Well, send me an owl to Paris and I’ll try to help you if I can. The French Minister is being maddeningly stubborn on this,’ she scoffed at the last part, ‘he wouldn’t be too pleased if Death Eaters started popping up like weeds in France, would he?’ This last quip earned a laugh from Harry and she drank the last of her champagne. Charlotte didn’t want to ask more questions and make him uncomfortable, so they sat and watched people dancing and laughing, surprisingly taking comfort in each other’s company. Suddenly, as if the Red Sea was being parted in front of them, Fleur glided through the crowd towards their table. She beckoned for Charlotte to take her outstretched hand and follow her, which Charlotte did and she said good bye to Harry.

‘Don’t worry about ‘im, Viktor will keep ‘im company,’ Fleur said breathily, the excitement of the wedding leaving her a little hoarse, ‘come and dance!’ They weaved through the crowd until they stood in the middle of the dance floor. Fleur dropped Charlotte’s hand and went off to speak to the band, leaving Charlotte quite stranded and embarrassed that everyone was watching what would happen next. The wish to Disapparate was growing stronger the longer she stood there, then when almost lost her nerve, someone touched her arm gently.

‘May I have this dance?’ George smiled at her and bowed gallantly for extra effect. Charlotte was going to decline when she saw Fleur glaring at her with a look that said I-set-this-up-for-you-so-don’t-blow-it. Gulping, she took his hand and felt his other hand settle lightly on her waist. The music had now changed from swift, upbeat songs to a slow, romantic waltz. George had been, apparently, practicing dance for several years now judging by the way he waltzed her around the floor as if it was the most natural thing for him. Round and round they went while other guests clapped appreciatively and began joining in. Here, under the lights of the wedding, Charlotte could finally take a good look at her dance partner. His hair, flaming red as usual, was combed back smoothly and his eyes shone with something deeper than having fun with an old friend. Her eyes flicked to the smattering of freckles on his left cheek (which looked very much like the constellation Leo) and grazed slowly up to the rather bloody mess of the missing ear at the side of his head. George caught her smile and grinned,

‘Like my latest injury? I think it becomes me,’ he joked, Charlotte was not laughing.

‘What happened? Oh, George,’ she gasped. ‘Did one of your products blow up in your face?’ Momentarily forgetting that she should be avoiding him, she almost tripped over his feet as she was too busy staring at his missing ear. George shook his head playfully, still smiling, and pulled her off the dance floor. He led her to a more secluded table, away from the crowd with his hand still tightly holding hers. He glanced around, checking for eavesdroppers, then said in a low tone,

‘Snape’s work. He cursed it off when we moving Harry here.’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked, quite puzzled. Snape was literally awful to be around, but would he really attack a student?

‘Sorry, can’t tell you much about it, but I’ll be fine. Top priority is to keep Harry safe until he goes back to school,’ George said casually, as if he was having a chat about the weather. ‘Anyways, what have you been up to these days? I heard you left London.’ Charlotte was slightly taken aback at this sudden change in topic, but pushed her questions about the incident to back of her mind.

‘I left for Paris. Who told you?’ she asked back.

‘Oh, I have my sources,’ he winked in such a George-like way that a rush of repressed emotions of her school-girl crush on him flooded back. How she had come to love that wink, paired with that charming smile! Her sixteen-year-old self used to turn to mush whenever he would indulge her in one of the two during classes. But then the Yule Ball happened, and things weren’t quite the same between them after that. Charlotte shook her head to clear her thoughts and saw George had an uncharacteristically somber expression on his face now. This was probably the first time she’d ever seen him be serious.

‘Why didn’t you write to me?’ he asked quietly. ‘Why didn’t you come visit me when we first opened the shop?’ Charlotte knew the truth of course. She had been hurt that he didn’t ask her to the Yule Ball (even as a friend) and the second blow came from when he left school suddenly without bothering to tell her. They never actually dated but she thought he had felt something for her as she did him; it had been like a breakup at the time and it had been a relief to her that he was no longer around.

‘I-I was busy with N.E.W.T.s you know, getting ready to leave Hogwarts and all,’ she lied pretty unconvincingly. George’s hands gripped hers even tighter so that it hurt a little and she yelped.

‘Don’t go back to Paris!’ he pleaded and she was shocked at the intensity of his voice. ‘Please, stay here, I’ll take care of you,’ George now looked like he was on the verge of tears. Was this all a hallucination? When had George ever pleaded with anyone for anything? Charlotte’s pulse quickened as she considered the possibility that he may like her back. After three years of resigning herself to the fact her old friend would never love her, it was quite earth-stopping to hear this confession. Her heart leapt in hope, but quickly sank. She couldn’t just abandon her career, her sister, her life that was waiting back in Paris for the chance at long-waited love. It was extremely tempting, but deep down she knew now was not the right time. Unfortunately, she never got to answer when a chorus of loud gasps erupted from the crowd on the dance floor. They watched from their seats as a shimmering lynx Patronus landed silently on the floor. It opened its mouth and Kingsley Shacklebolt’s voice rang throughout the tent,

‘The Ministry has fallen. Scrimegeour is dead. They are coming,’ and then it vanished as quickly as it had come. The whole tent went silent, then pandemonium broke out. People were scrambling everywhere trying to Disapparate, trampling over fallen dishes and broken glass. Charlotte leapt from her chair, wand ready, and went to find Fleur. She saw her huddled with her parents and sister, trying to soothe them in French.

‘Fleur! We’ve got to leave,’ Charlotte shouted above all the noise. Fleur looked up, her body relaxing with relief.

‘I must stay ‘ere to protect ‘Arry Potter and ze Burrow,’ she yelled back, ‘take my family with you back to Paris!’ Charlotte nodded then turned to the Delacours, panic on their faces. She grabbed Gabrielle’s and Mrs. Delacour’s hand roughly and pushed through the crowd to the garden with Mr. Delacour following closely behind. However, people seemed to be going more insane outside than in and she gripped hard on the hands she was holding.

‘Quickly, grab onto me and don’t let go!’ she ordered and concentrated with great difficulty on the Leaky Cauldron. They were plunged into darkness, squeezing uncomfortably through space and arrived with a loud pop! in Diagon Alley. The Delacours stumbled to the ground from the force of arriving but Charlotte landed easily on her feet.

‘Is everyone alright?’ she asked but the Delcaours looked rather pale and shaken. She looked around the deserted alley; no Death Eaters had shown up yet.

‘Oi! Who goes there? It’s past midnight!’ a voice chastised through the night. It was Tom, the innkeeper, and Charlotte rounded quickly to face him.

‘Thank goodness you’re here. Tom, will you please show the Delacours to my room?’ she asked while pulling out her room key. ‘Take this, please make them as comfortable as possible and I’ll pay the difference later.’ Tom seemed to understand the urgency of her request because he herded the frightened family into the inn without question. Charlotte watched them disappear inside, the turned quickly on her heel to the exit of Diagon Alley. Now she had to focus on contacting Fleur somehow and arrange for the British Ministry to take her family home. They were probably tracking every magical movement in Britain by now, so sending an envoy from France would raise alarms. As Charlotte walked along the Muggle streets, she thought with a pang of sorrow that she hadn’t said goodbye to George or Fleur or anybody for that matter. Charlotte knew a war was coming, she wasn’t stupid, and she had trained rigorously to react accordingly if this kind of situation ever happened. But this wasn’t a simple test she could pass, it was real war; the time had come to test her skills, cleverness, and most of all, if she had the bravery to face what was coming.

#harry potter #fleur delacour #george weasley #fanfic #harry potter oc #orignal character #harry potter fanfiction #charlotte yang #luna lovegood #ravenclaw #deathly hallows #ms cinnamon #the burrow

3 notes · View notes

guksthighs · 5 years ago

Text

Hero ‘V’ || kth

When Taehyung’s arch enemy turns up at his door, crying and vulnerable he does the thing any hero would do and invites them in.

wordcount: 1.5k

genre: fluff, superhero!au

The wind howled through the empty streets, rain steadily hammering against the windows and Taehyung had just emerged from his shower, thick steam dispersing into the cold air when there was an urgent knock on the door.

He tilted his head in confusion, rubbing his towel over his hair in an attempt at drying it before placing it over his shoulders, walking towards the front door hoping it was just a very late delivery.

But that wasn’t what was waiting for him outside, instead, he saw a shadowed figure hunched over and shaking, pulling what looked like a hoodie further down their face. Taehyung didn’t recognise the figure and just as he began to walk away he heard a slight sniffling followed by louder knocking.

You were outside his house, Kim Taehyung, or the Hero ‘V’ as you knew him, the man who was meant to be your arch-enemy but also was the only person you could think of to ask for help.

Taehyung opened the door, a nervous tight-lipped smile on his face before he crouched slowly so he could see your face, “what’s wrong love?” But it was when he finally recognised your features, that he took a few steps back in surprise, “is-is that you Quick Kill?”

The tears came again, filling your eyes as you felt the helplessness overwhelm you and with a slight sigh you nodded, pulling the fabric of your sopping wet hoodie closer to your frame, “I didn’t know where else to go- I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking-“ you trailed off and began to back away, feet nearing the edge of the top step.

Your gaze was trained on the wet pavements and when you had almost created enough distance to run away and hope that Taehyung would chalk the interaction down to a dream. But he was standing in front of you, with a white towel covering a small section of his broad golden chest and a towel over his waist.

He reached forward and offered his hand to you, giving you another closed mouth smile before raising his eyebrows, waiting for you to hold onto him which you did, even with your better judgement. Taehyung’s voice was almost teasing as he pulled you into the house, “inside here is a no power zone but I’m going to need a name before I really trust you love.”

The inside of his house was small and warm and you felt your heart begin to settle from its previous racing, “Y/N, the organisation gave me the villain name-“ you heard Taehyung chuckle before squeezing your hand as if to encourage you to continue. Which you did, biting your tongue hard before whispering, “I actually haven’t killed anyone.”

Taehyung laughed, stopping in his tracks and turning to grab both of your hands making you look up and see his eyes that sparkled with interest, “you’re kidding me. I seriously fell for your villain persona!”

Then, and you were sure it was an accident, he smiled.

For a second you were surprised by how handsome he was before your body froze, which was Taehyung’s power and instantly he started apologising, “Oh no Y/N! I'm so sorry- I’m- I’m not used to company at home let me grab a face mask and I’ll be back by the time you- oh never mind sorry.”

He scurried into one of the rooms leaving you to look around his house from your frozen position. You were currently standing at the end of the entrance hallway, on your left was a kitchen, the right was a closed door you assumed was for a bathroom and in front of you was where Taehyung had finally re-emerged wearing a set of matching blue striped pyjamas and a cute Rilakumma face mask.

You were familiar with his power and felt its hold on you begin to melt away, allowing you to finally move again and heave a sigh of relief before you frowned and looked up at him, “that didn’t last as long as usual?”

Taehyung laughed before grabbing a towel from the top of a door and passing it to you, “it’s because it was an accident Y/N, usually I’m trying to apprehend you long enough to arrest you.” With a sheepish smile, you placed the towel over your head wondering if you could exchange your own power for one to erase Taehyung’s memories.

Even though you couldn’t see anything, you heard him walk behind you and place his hands on your shoulders, “let’s go eat some leftover instant ramen and discuss why exactly you’re here.”

That was all it took to set your eyes watering again but you blinked quickly, managing to prevent any tears from slipping down your cheeks and with that you let Taehyung, your supposed “arch enemy” to guide you into his kitchen.

It didn’t take long for Taehyung to be sitting opposite you with a cup of instant ramen, his hair was tousled and still damp but the smile lines at the sides of his eyes made your heart warm and face heat up as you began to eat the ramen hoping to avoid his questions.

But it didn’t work, Taehyung leant forward with his elbow resting on the table and chin on his palm, “so what brought you to my humble house? And also how did you know I live here?”

You cleared your throat, before staring at the brown broth of your ramen before poking it slightly with your chopstick, “well in the- the organisation they have intel on all the heroes and where they live.”

“You didn’t explain why you came here and not to Flash’s house though,” Taehyung grinned, waiting for you to answer him even though he could tell that you were scared to answer.

However, there was the feeling and acknowledgement that if you didn’t give Taehyung an explanation that he would kick you out of the warm and safe house leaving you outside and with no better ideas of somewhere to go.

“Well I finally left the- organisation and they maybe don’t know-“ your voice got smaller, barely above a whisper, “they maybe weren’t given a week notice.”

Taehyung laughed and placed his hand on top of the one that was clenched on the table, “I’m seriously impressed Quick- I mean Y/N.” You could tell he was smiling underneath the mask and you smiled back, even if it maybe wasn’t completely genuine. “Look I’ve been fighting you since I became a hero which was over five years ago so- well-“ he tilted his head as if searching for the right words, “you can stay here as long as you need or want to.”

Your eyes watered and you covered your face with your hands as you felt the tears begin to roll down your cheeks causing Taehyung to gasp and jump up from his seat, and in a few seconds, his arms were wrapped around your torso.

You both stayed like that for some time until someone knocked at the door and you both jumped, Taehyung laughed and squeezed you once before releasing you from his grip, “I guess I’m just very popular right now.” He got up and walked out of the room, before walking back so he was in the doorframe and you knew he was smiling at you again, “you stay in here, just in case it’s someone from- you know- but I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

With a quick nod, you waited for him to walk away before jumping to your seat and shuffling towards the doorframe, sticking your head around the frame so you could see into the hallway and to where Taehyung was opening the door.

Taehyung’s voice was high pitched as he greeted whoever was there and he sounded familiar making you relax a little too much causing the person to gasp and shout, “Tae what are you doing with Quick Kill, a fucking villain in your house?”

“It isn’t what it looks like!” Taehyung replied, before turning around to see you giving a sheepish smile, “okay… maybe it is also she’s called Y/N and we’re friends now and maybe she’s living here for now because she’s converted to our side.”

The friend sighed and waved at you and that was when you recognised them to be the hero Flash, or Neon Jeongguk, Taehyung’s friend and accomplice.

The younger boy smiled at you before nudging Taehyung, “remember the house is a power-free zone so just both of you stay safe and,” he turned to look at you, smile broadening before he winked, “if you hurt a hair on his head you won’t live to see another day.”

Taehyung pushed Jeongguk before bounding over and hugging you with full force, “Gukkie leave her alone, we’re going to get on amazingly!”

+++

Jessnote: i’ve had a superhero au planned for a year now but was too busy to make a cohesive plot so instead i wrote this,,, introducing taehyung who freezes people with his smiles aha,, also i have a 12 hour training day tomorrow for work and its almost midnight whilst im posting this whoops

+ PROMPT GAME:

number: 155

“It isn’t what it looks like! Okay… Maybe it is” ( @sugamonster22 )

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

> POSTS EVERY MONDAY, WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY AT 11PM (UK TIME) <

424 notes · View notes

inspiringwhilerespiring · 5 years ago

Text

Get to know me?

Yoooo - yall remember Myspace, and people would blog survey posts lol. Well thats me, I’m people. And I just wanna write my lil heart out and avoid all of my real life responsibilities. So found a lil questionnaire thing and I’m gonna fill it out. Also lowkey like doing this every so often so I can look back on it and reflect and see how much I may have grown/changed/shifted viewzzz ya feel? :)

Sooo here yall go <3

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My neice maybe?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

People who know me would tell me to put outgoing, but I honestly feel shy on the inside, so it just depends.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Literally anyone lmao fuck this quarantine

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Definitely

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Lets hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind souls <3 always notice how they talk to their friends and family, but even people they don’t know like servers or janitors, etc. that shit matters heavy.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A few homies

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah not really, just depends

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Not sure -it’s been a min since I had a “deep” connection or convo that I can remember - but was probably with my bestie R’Bo

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Google that shit” lmao me, giving advice to my friends

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

TOUGH!!!! After Hours by The Weeknd is up there, Cayendo by Frank Ocean (been jamming his shit HAARD lately) and Inside Friend by Leon Bridges & John Mayer….but also been listening to albums - like Childish’s new album, Floreyyy for lo-fi shit, and also got into 070 Shake recently just to name a few.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCK YA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah budddyy

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Idk, my bday party was lit?? And lots of river floats happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Lol

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Cant deny that there isn’t so yaaa

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Just moved, so don’t know em

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastination lol and biting my nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

Literally ANNNYY-fuckin-WHERE!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Hmm I wanna say generally no, but I also always keep it one hunnnid with myself, and as much as I’d like to say I don’t have any - I think I def have insecurities with myself, that have the potential to become “trust issues” in certain relationships, but overall no. I live by the whole “you have my trust til you fuck it up” mantra

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Coffee in the morning lately, missed it and forgot how energized it makes me - gives me time to wake up and reflect/set daily goals

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Stomach forever :((((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll on my phone, pee usually, or feed my cat lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Tanner maybe?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mom or my best friend R’Bonney - but any of my close friends and fam honestly

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Not directly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Lol ok, so this is always changing…but lately (and by lately I mean the past few years) its been a no. I’m open minded though and am aware that I’m always changing my mind sooo who knows

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeppperoo

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Honestly, those aren’t my “thing” lollike id prob laugh or be awkward or just have to be hellllla drunk - but like I wouldn’t mind Jason Momoa and Tom Hardy tossin me around

33. Spell your name with your chin.

hjaylkee

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Scocer back in the day - actually went and kicked it like a week ago for the first time in YEARSSSS - felt so damn good

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV, music forreeevverrr

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Lol story of my life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

“Soooo” then probably ask a question or some shit lol

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Hmmm…definitely have to be funny/have a good sense of humor. They’d have to be open-minded for sure. Up for trying new things, places, cultures, food, music, etc. Just have an adventurous spirit I guess when it comes to that. Have a good line of communication/openness - and just be able to have a deep/intellectual convo about anything and everything. Bonuses: taller than me, likes cooking, and going to music shows.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Amazon lol I hate shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

To go back to high school :( lmao so much id re-do, cant believe its almost been a decade

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Hell yeah, this is life my dudes, dont take it so seriously - we all fuck up at some point or another

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Something is on my mind for sure, or im just tired lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

DAMNNN WHAT so hard - I guesss if I had to pick, space…just because it’s more rare/harder to do I’d think.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My cat lol with his meowing ass

46. What are you paranoid about?

Lowkey a lot lol

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Who hasn’t????

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

naw

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black probably, like half my wardrobe

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Of course

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My bad habits

56. Favourite colour?

Yelllllow :)

57. Favourite food?

Oh gaaawwd, literally anything - lately: PB&J’s, fries, wings, Mediterranean, Mexican, pickles, ice cream, ramenzzzz

58. Last thing you ate?

Pistachios

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Cofffeeee w creamer

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Idk, not off the top of my head - maybe something back in elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

Yeah lmao

63. Ever been in love?

Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

No its really not that interesting and idc to type it out

65. Are you hungry right now?

24/7/365

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Lol yes a few of them <333

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Noooo

70. Names of your bestfriends?

R’Bonney is number 1

71. Craving something? What?

Foooood, and companionship? Lol

72. What colour are your towels?

Idk, random, mostly blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

A lot lol

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Lol no, but I have my one from my childhood in my room

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

1 - shout out to you Mr.Fluffy

75. Favourite animal?

I am fascinated by sharks; and like gators/crocs. But I have mad respect for elephants, they’re sooo damn smart and beautiful.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Dont have any on

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

BITCHHHH CHOC

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

All of them

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Tie-dye

80. What colour pants?

none

81. Favourite tv show?

Game of Thrones prob

82. Favourite movie?

Avatar or Shawshank Redemption

87. First person you talked to today?

Sissy

88. Last person you talked to today?

Friend on FT

89. Name a person you hate?

No one, maybe Trump? lol

90. Name a person you love?

Everyone, fr fr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Not enough <3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Not enough <3

95. Last movie you watched?

The Decline on Netflix, short lil foreign oil, was deep/interesting

96. Favourite actress?

Not sure-Sandra Bullock? Or Meryl

97. Favourite actor?

Denzel or Morgan Freeman

98. Do you tan a lot?

Nah not anymore honestly

99. Have any pets?

Yessss

100. How are you feeling?

Mediocre

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Im sure

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Lol im nostalgic af, so yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes litttty tittyyy

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably :(

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Hell yeah brother, I’m from TX

108. What should you be doing?

So much shit lol

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I ain’t doing all the shit I should be lol

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yooo yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Prob my sister or my mom?? Lol I cry a lot, idk and idc

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Hayls?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

Back in the day

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Surprisingly, no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Nah, unless maybe if its homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yeah occasionally, more of a Thai food chick or Japanese

119. Favourite book?

Kite Runner

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Low-key sometimes lol

121. Are you mean?

Hell noooo

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Ok, this is an interesting one lol I mean no, it’s not “okay” - since it usually constitutes lying/hiding/hurting someone - BUTTTT, for a lack of a better term - I wanna say it’s “normal”? But thats because I, personally, am on the fence about the concept of monogamy. Like no, I’ve never cheated nor experienced that in return - but the whole concept of monogamy and like that a person can love and only love or be with one person is WILLLLDDD and I can’t help but note that its a social construct that we, as a society, are conditioned to from the time we are born. Idk if that makes sense bc im high af lol but those are my thoughts…like to sum it up - cheating is fucked up and sucks, but at the same time its not all that surprising/shocking anymore, like borderline “normalized” just as divorces are and shit, so I feel like bc biologically we aren’t made to be with one person lol. I don’t condone it tho. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Hell to the naw naw

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hmmm idk about that one, but also can’t deny it

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah of course, you’re talking to a hopeless romantic

126. Are you currently bored?

I guess we could say that

127. What makes you happy?

Food and close, loved ones

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, too much paper work

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer, with my lil moody, sensitive ass

130. Do you like subway?

I did lol

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Story of my mf life lol literally all my exes are “best friends turned lovers” situation, so guess it would just depend lmao

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Lol oh godddd; ok off the top of my head - Tupac - Keep Ya Head Up is what comes to mind; just a timeless song and the lyrics are still relevant/apply to this day and idk just really resonate with the message behind that song <3

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk, but it was probably SO dumb, and told to my parents lol

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Either or, lately open so my cat can go in and out lol

137. How tall are you?

5’6 mayyybeee 5’5 actually lol

140. Summer or Winter?

Fall!!

141. Night or Day?

Def a lil night owl, always have been

142. Favourite month?

April and October for weather at least

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No but I try, and go through phases, I’m definitely mindful the older I get and more focused on my health I become

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

FUCKIN ALLLLL

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee but I like tea too, just seem to drink coffee more regularly

146. Was today a good day?

The grateful-to-just-be-alive in me wants to say yes lol but idk, felt off/unaccomplished and cried a lot, so no.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“This too shall pass”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure why not

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“After all, what he had always wanted was just that: to know new places.” -The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

#survey #about me #haylee #thoughts #mine #questions #ask me anything #ask #lets chat #be my frieeennnddd

15 notes · View notes

spiderman-spoilerman · 5 years ago

Text

SPIDERMAN EXPOSED BECAUSE OF TAYLOR SWIFT ADDICTION: What Is Peter Parker to Spider-Man?

This shit that has been going on for months now has finally been solved. For the longest time I’ve been following Spider-Man oh so very closely, eager to find out his identity—not to expose it to the media vultures, oh no, our hero deserves more than that. But… to satisfy my own curiosity. He’s the only Avenger hiding his identity, you know? You’d think they’d be okay with it after all these other superheroes get to run around freely…

Anyway!

As you all know, countless names have been linked to Spider-Man. He seems close with Tony Stark, but that’s hardly relevant. There’ve been links to JD Slinger, the American Pop Singer, in a very poor attempt to sell records—you’re not Hannah Montana JD fucking Slinger! Stick to your trash music!!!

However untrue and disappointing Slinger’s attempt at fame is, he’s not the only one with musical elements that is linked to Spider-Man.

A few months ago, a viral video entering adorable and kind of pedos-get-the-fuck-out-of-here-territory circulated around the internet and into our nightly news, as does every baby goes viral video does. You can check it out on the link below for a good dose of endorphins.

[Link: Baby boy wants to be Taylor Swift, re-uploaded by djflash]

[Description: A six-year old boy is standing in the shower with a towel draped over his body like a makeshift cloak, he is clutching his tooth brush on and seems to be furiously lip syncing. The camera shakes as the person behind the camera stifles laughter.

May Parker, the original uploader and aunt of the then-toddler Peter, asks: Aren’t you tired Peter? From all the singing? You’ve been singing for two hours. Aren’t you cold?

Peter is intensely staring at the mirror as he lip-syncs but pauses to look at May. He says in a tired and raspy voice: Yeah, but, but my fans! I need to sing, Auntie May, for the fa— [looking harried] DROP EVERYTHING NOW, MEET ME IN THE POURING RAIN—

The sound of Peter singing is drowned by May’s scream as Peter falls on his butt, having jumped with his passion for the song, and tripping.

It cuts off with May laughing while taking Peter in her arms, phone capturing her picking him up and hearing Peter crying as he tries to get back to the mirror: It—doesn’t hurt May. Need to get back—my! My concert!

Video ends]

Now how does a viral video of a baby Taylor Swift fan connect to Spider-Man?

Well, May Parker posted it on Facebook when Flash Thompson, who claims to be a good friend of Peter Parker (although I highly doubt this, he’s only in it for the clout and Spider-Man’s love, click here for more on Flash), decided to share it to everyone. One of his reposts on Twitter propelled it to viral success.

Weeks later, May Parker decided to bless us again with more content by taking a video of her now teenage (17 years old—PEDO’S STAY AWAY) nephew singing, once again, a Taylor Swift song.

[Link: I’m so glad im seventeen and can properly thirst upon this wonderful hooman]

[Description: They are in the kitchen this time and May Parker is being discreet with her video-taking. A Taylor Swift song ends softly from his phone’s tiny speakers. A Spotify ad interrupts but the video cuts it off two seconds later for another Taylor Swift song to filter in.

We take in the scenario. Peter is in his pyjamas, shaking his booty while singing Stay Stay Stay. He flourishes his hands a few times, dramatizing, “That’s when you came in wearing a football helmet, and I said, [he changes voices] “Okay, let’s talk” [he finishes one pancake and pours a new batter in before using the ladle as a microphone, as if in anticipation for the moment, and, back bent, face scrunched up, belts: STAYSTAYSTAY I’ve b EEN LUH-VING YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME- TI-HIME! YOU THINK THAT ITS FUNNEH WHEN I’M—OH MAN, I spilled batter on my shirt!”

The camera shakes with May’s silent laughter. Peter does not seem to notice. He looks side to side, almost as if he is looking for something to wipe the batter with, but there are no paper towels in sight and his shirt is dripping with the excess batter the size of his fist.

In the most compelling, and understandable, moment of decision making, Peter has chosen not to be responsible and strips instead, to the utter delight of seventeen-year old’s in the world (and ONLY those younger than that! Pedos, I swear to god, if I see you, I kill you, that last blog was the last time you make me burn my eyes!)—a wonderful set of abs and toned muscles you would not expect from a seventeen year old boy singing to Taylor Swift with the squeakiest voice in the world. Adorable. Ten points for my good boy ranks.

The video ends with Peter staring further at the shirt and licking at the batter before it violently cuts off to the roaring laughter of one May Parker]

It is peculiar, to watch May navigate the wonders of technology, too, because the first video was on her Facebook years unnoticed before Flash Thompson unearthed it for the world to see (Mr. Thompson, what exactly were your intentions going through a beautiful May Parker’s Facebook pictures?). But this time, she also apparently intended to send it to Peter’s friend’s Instagram account. However, the fluke came when she posted it and tagged them instead.

People who have followed her upon the first viral video have now decided it to be God’s work to distribute the video, making it viral within days. The very same people were the ones who noticed that Peter Parker’s singing style is the very same as Spider-Man’s.

I hear you gasp. Well, of course. I spit my tea as well, when I realized it too.

See, unless you were living under a rock, about a year ago, Spider-Man was exposed as a Taylor Swift fan when he saved a ten year old girl and began teaching her about the History and Influence of Swift’s discography and career, before proceeding to sing with her the hit song Speak Now. All of it was caught on camera, of course.

The people who spread this new video started a conspiracy theory that Spider-Man and Peter Parker are very similar people. One user @finn-man-the-aquaman pointed out that Spider-Man and Peter Parker’s voice are very similar. Another user @maxine_and_spider-man compared the dance moves from the two videos, putting frames of each steps beside each other, and found that it was so uncannily similar that it couldn’t have been a coincidence. It was an interesting point to make, because both Peter and Spider-Man had particular steps, all seemingly on a whim, but also matching each other perfectly. They are by no means good dancers, God no, but their whimsical dancing looks like two bad dancers following one choreography, couldn’t follow it technically but committed to it emotionally.

Twitter user @emiliar summarized it the best: the chest pump, the feet extension, the little jig, and the butt shake, before leaning backward and singing at the height of their emotions— apparently this is a common dance choreography?

To which @pissshitcry responded with a video that would bring us the wonderful breakthrough that I’ve been walking you all through.

[VIDEO uploaded by spidermansavedmetwice]

[Caption by @pissshitcry: No. Apparently: ]

[Video Description: Spider-Man is swinging through the buildings before stopping by Midtown High School, in front of a harried looking student, screaming frantically, and this is it folks: CAN YOU GIVE THIS TO NED LEEDS, TELL HIM SPIDER-MAN THANKS HIS FRIEND PETER! tHANKS! Before zipping away

Video ended]

Now. Okay. I know, calm down guys, I’m trying so hard not to run up the hills and do an Irish Jig, because I am so, so, so excited about all these new revelations! Nobody has quite documented this, too, so people, watch out for more of my content in a few weeks.

SO! Implication one: Spider-Man knows Ned Leeds.

Implication two: Peter Parker helped Spider-Man somehow.

Implication three: Spider-Man knows Peter Parker.

Cut, do it again, but with more emotions: SPIDER-MAN KNOWS PETER PARKER.

Let’s zoom back to a few weeks after the viral hits and Taylor Swift posts a video of her watching the video and then saying into the camera, with that iconic red lipstick and perfectly sculpted eyebrows: I have never thought this would be something that will happen to me in my career ever, but seeing a super-hero sing praises about me and teaching my [and she quotes from Spider-Man’s erratic explanation about her history] “unattainable song-writing prowess equal to that of the rock singing legends of ye old—” really does bring a smile to my face! More than that, Peter Parker is an absolute cutie too! He looks like such a sweetheart, baking those pancakes, apparently, for her aunt? Be sweet to your aunts guys! But also. I came here to cordially invite both Spider-Man and Peter Parker to come out to my concert in New York in two weeks! I’ll be there May 25th at the Lincoln Center, and maybe we can all sing together!”

She ends the video with the iconic Spider-Man wrist flip. The video has been circulated and has now gained over an estimated 100 million views.

It sparked a buzz of interest among the people, Peter Parker having received much of the spotlight. He hasn’t said anything in relation to Spider-Man but had reluctantly agreed to go to Swift’s invite. And I cannot emphasize the reluctant part. Kid looked so uncomfortable, but maybe he’s just shy!

Okay. Now, this thing is the most glaring indicator of what I will be telling you. The night of the concert. Everyone is there for Swift, but everyone is also there waiting for the much-awaited Spider-Man and Peter Parker saga. Halfway into her song list, Taylor Swift stopped to talk. The time has come.

Peter Parker walks into the stage, and the crowd welcomes him with adoring cheers, similar to Swift’s entrance herself. She introduces him, even though she absolutely does not need to, and the people scream their approval.

When Swift gives him his own mic, he almost drops it before catching it with his incredible reflexes. Swift calls for Spider-Man to reveal himself, much to the delight of the crowd, chanting his name as if it was a concert for him, which, in many ways, it kind of was. However, Spider-Man didn’t appear after that and the duo had to continue on.

It was a cute performance, with Parker stumbling a few times before getting the groove with Swift and belting it out as well. Everyone joins in on them singing and enjoying her old songs, Swift smiling and laughing the whole time.

Peter leaves the stage Spider-Man plushies and roses thrown for him, to which he received with a graceful bow. Swift resumes her concert after a few hearty jokes thrown in—but wait! What’s that?!

A screaming insect crashes at one of the large LED walls at the stage and the camera [and the collective crowd] is surprised to see the superhero—SPIDER-MAN!

“Ehehehe, hello Miss Taylor Swift, Ma’am!” He says, in a particularly deeper voice. Autotune? Before they sing it out, as they would—Swift laughing, and Spider-Man trying—Spider-Man explains that he was nervous meeting Peter Parker, before scrambling to correct that it was Swift he was nervous about meeting.

Swift then teases Spider-Man about a potential crush, which.

BRINGS US TO MY BREAKTHROUGH POINT.

TAYLOR SWIFT WAS ABOUT TO BRING US THE GAY COUPLE OF THE CENTURY, BUT SPIDER-MAN WAS TOO CHICKEN TO GET TO IT.

Okay, alright, I hate pedos, and we don’t exactly know Spider-Man’s age but we do know that he’s very young, what with all the pop culture references he’s been dropping with the intuition of an internet native. So, he’s young, alright? Possibly Gen-Z, even. Here’s a post you can see about his age analysis.

SPIDER-MAN. HAS. A. CRUSH. ON. PETER. PARKER.

[Insert hand chopping movements]

AND THEY ALMOST HAD A CUTE MOMENT ON STAGE HAD SPIDER-MAN BRAVED IT THROUGH.

PETER PARKER, AND I MEAN, PETER PARKER! SPIDER-MAN HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!

We’ve established that Spider-Man knows Peter Parker. They’ve met. Peter has possibly helped, or even saved Spider-Man himself. Now, saving a superhero is something that not just anybody does. And Parker himself is a student at Midtown Science High—he’s a smart kid! And seeing as these events just happened months apart, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to imagine them meeting again, perhaps, with Parker making pancakes in dewy mornings, and a tired (and yearning) Spider-Man is watching from the windows as Peter dances along to Swift’s songs.

The watching from the windows theory and thus getting to know the choreography might not be so creepy if you factor in the fact that Spider-Man might be hiding his crush for Parker’s safety!

It is like the modern incarnation of Super-Hero romance, only now, its more inclusive! To exist in such a beautiful world, and to watch such an innocent tale bloom in this cruel, cruel world. We could only hope to see more of them together, maybe as something... more?

COMMENTS:

reblogged by thunderstrike: this is like someone trying to overanalyze twilight for some depth—THERE ISN’T ONE!

thunderstrike reblogged by spidahmanna: come on, give them some credit at least for recounting the most batshit insane crossover in the universe as we know it so far

reblogged by skdfas: this person needs help, but very entertaining to read

reblogged by nedleads: oH MY GOD

reblogged by kliyon: new ship, age appropriate Spider-Man x Peter Parker

reblogged by ekeke: um yes, i need a dash of meet-cute with one cup of flavored angst—soda please, I like it to hurt— large fluff, a BFF serving of some of them yearning, and a happy sad-meal for one please.

reblogged by unaunann: im done with this site, who wants to burn the internet with me?

3, 000 reblogs in 1 day

Tony, reading the blog: Hmmm…

[Later]

Tony: Okay so I read this blog and I have remedied it.

Peter: Oh my god thankyoumisterstark I swear I didn’t mean to—

Tony: You are now the biggest shareholder for Spotify because I know you don’t want me to pay for a premium account, but if you’re gonna listen to those damn ads while singing to Taylor Swift, at least earn from it, you know?

Peter: …that’s what you took from the whole thing?

NEXT ARTICLE: The Avengers film a parody of Queen’s I Want To Break Free. Is Captain America is as beautiful as Rogerina, or is he too buff??? Tony Stark is an iconic drama queen, perfect for Freddie Mercury, and more!

#spider-man: far from home #Spider-Man: Homecoming #spiderman #taylor swift #tony stark #fluff #WHO WANTS A REACTION FROM THE AVENGERS FOR THIS #Spider-Man Identity reveal #parody #fake blog post #avengers #fanfiction

8 notes · View notes

beastly-redemption · 5 years ago

Text

okay, here we go.

for those following from my twilight works on ff.net, i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you for continuing to read, thank you for sticking with me through these years of writing, thank you for reading the roughest of my writing from way back when, thank you for encouraging me to continue writing, thank you for everything. thank you thank you thank you.

thank you especially for coming back after my months long absences.

i’m sure everybody knows that it’s hard to write, and for me that isn’t an exception. i’m also sure that some of you know that almost five years ago my mother passed away, that my mother couldn’t hold any longer, and subsequently ended her life as a result. I wrote the most during these early stages of grief, tossed every emotion and heartache i could into drafting these messy, oft tear stained works that ended up being accepted into some parts of this fandom. All of them are dark, intentionally so. And I want to be the first to say that I’d never had a plan for ending them because in my mind they would never end, because my pain would never end, either. These works would be something for me to fall back on when I was hurting and there was no other way for me to express it. That’s why in bloodshed Bella was always hurting, always finding something to break herself on because that’s how I felt, that’s why Rosalie and her have flirted around becoming a couple but never actually got around to becoming one because it was too happy of an ending, and again, there was no happy endings in sight. Bloodshed was created during the first few waking moments of my grief, of my guilt, and I think it shows. Blink and mouths only lying are other examples of my grief - hell, mouths only lying explicitly shows that Bella’s mom had killed herself. What I’m trying to say is I know these stories aren’t good because they either mirrored my everyday life or what i wished i had during these times of despair.

What i’m also trying to say is that these stories cannot continue as they are.

Nearly five years later, the gaping hole in my chest that my mother left is closed, not healed, not scarred over, but closed in the way that wounds do after being slashed open. The skin is still sensitive, and it still gushed open when I went and saw my mother’s grave three days ago for the first time in almost five years. But i’m better now, i’m in the healing process, free without bandages holding me together, allowed to walk freely with a new appreciation for life, when before all I wanted was to lay down and take the same fate as my mother. And thus, I’m not in the same place i was when i wrote these stories, i’m not able to finish these stories as they are written because i’m not the same girl that wrote them. I’m older, more experienced from coming back and piecing myself together, and as I go back and read something i’d written like bloodshed i can’t help but cringe away at that life of pain and blood.

so, for this new year, i’m taking those stories down.

Not immediately. Not now, but I will be doing so. I can’t have those dark works attached to my name anymore without it reminding me of a time where i couldn’t move from the place i was in, from a time where i fantasized about my mother somehow coming back to life. It hurts. However, this comes with the promise that I will try to edit these works into something that works better and put them back up for people who genuinely enjoyed whatever story they were reading. I’m going to try to do right by you all and give you a story you deserve to read. This will take some time, so in the meantime, if it’s my writing you’re interested in, I’ve started to put my original book ideas up on Wattpad (mostly because that’s the first place i could think to put it ) and of course they still feature f/f relationships but hopefully this time it also features something resembling a thought out plot. you can find that here . Right now, im writing about a girl who winds up in the fae world and falls in love with the Unseelie Queen. That sort of stuff. And if it’s fanfiction you’re interested in reading; I’m currently invested deep into the RWBY fandom with a heavy focus on Blake/Yang so if you want to read what i have up about them you can find that here

(gosh, if you just wanted to watch me play some fucking video games every now and then, you can watch me do that here - i play with a friend of mine and we’re bad at video games. )

i felt like people deserved a reason, and i felt they’ve deserved it for many years now. so here it is. i love you all, thank you so much for even wanting to read something a deeply depressed girl had written so many years ago and even now, after all these years.

I’m doing better, it took time, a lot of crying, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of suffocation from the darkest depths i’d found, but i got better. I want you to know that if you’re going through something now, it will get better. but it will also take time. Because not only are you healing every day, you’re also learning to heal -- and that’s harder than hurting in the first place. but you can do it, there are people who love and care about you and you have to find them or lean on them if you’ve already found them. they love you, really. even if it doesn’t seem like it <3. I’m also here if anybody needs to talk, of course. Yes, i’m a stranger, but maybe it’ll be better talking to someone you’ve never met, you know?

i know this is a long post so i’ll get on with it.

here are the stories i will be taking down and re-uploading eventually:

Bloodshed: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11016868/1/Bloodshed

there’s monsters at home: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12793546/1/there-s-monsters-at-home

blink: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12520759/1/Blink

here are the stories that will not be continued any longer, and will probably be deleted at the time i edit those above:

mouths only lying: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12435905/1/Mouths-Only-Lying

Ars Moriendi: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12562225/1/Ars-Moriendi

here’s the story i will be continuing to work on:

destined: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13230892/1/Destined

again, thank you all so much. thank you for understanding, thank you for being here now and in the future.

#twilight #my works #long post #suicide tw #update

5 notes · View notes

hope-for-olicity · 6 years ago

Text

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - January 25th, 2019

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. This and all previous Fabulous Olicity Fanfic posts can be found on my blog.

With the Speed of an Arrow multi-chapter WIP by @academyofshipping - Oliver Queen’s elite and silver-spoon life has taken some blows in the past few years, but he is still the carefree billionaire everyone knows of and loves. When his role in the family business is in jeopardy and he is introduced to a motley of new people, his status quo is threatened. With a changed perspective, Oliver realizes his feeling for his best friend and anchor-in-life, Felicity Smoak, may be more than just platonic. OR A modern adaption of Jane Austen’s Emma with a gender swap* and no island. *Knowing that gender is not binary https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559846/chapters/38799857

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. https://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

Re-Airrow 2x14 by @lostolicityscenes - Short and sweet, Oliver tells Felicity that Diggle told him she was feeling left out in the episode. So I wrote it up, retconning it a little to fit in with the narrative I was building in my alternate timeline. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/181930230189/re-airrow-2x14

Love and Little Cupcakes multi-chapter WIP by @christinabeggs - Felicity loved sweets so much that she paid no attention to her lovelife. Until Thea Queen came into her store wanting fabulous cupcakes for her sixteenth birthday. SO ADORABLE! http://archiveofourown.org/works/12400539/chapters/28216053

Do You Remember multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - Eight years after Oliver and Felicity became teenage parents, they have everything they could have ever hoped for and more. They have a good life in a nice house. Their marriage is happy, and a second baby is on its way. The calm they have settled in is interrupted abruptly when a stalker starts terrorizing Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409059/chapters/40978307

Will Fate Allow? multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Seeing her parent's marriage dissolve at a young age made Felicity yearn for a healthy marriage of her own. She thought she'd finally found what she was looking for when Billy Malone showed up offering her what her heart desired. She thought she was happy and had everything she could want, but things began to unravel. Slowly she turned to someone who had become an unparalleled constant in her life...Oliver Queen. Oliver and Felicity are the definition of polar opposites. He is the mob boss that strikes fear in the hearts many, while she is seen as the sweet girl next door, but there is more to both of them underneath the surface. Along the way, they become connected to one another leading to their lives being intertwined forever. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521596/chapters/38699951

Home To You multi-chapter WIP by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Oliver Queen has never done what his family expected of him. He took a gap year after high school instead of going to college right away. He quit his fraternity sophomore year to join the student newspaper, switching his major from business to journalism. He became a photojournalist for a wire service instead of taking a place at Queen Consolidated. He went missing after six months instead of coming home for his sister’s twenty-first birthday. He survived five years of captivity in a war zone when everyone thought he was dead. He came home. But home didn’t have a place for him in it anymore. His parents were both dead, casualties of their own mistakes and a city they had turned against them. His sister was all grown up, the CEO of Queen Consolidated with a fiancé and a dog and a life of her own. Oliver didn’t belong in his old life, but there was nowhere else for him to go. He was a man without a home, without any way of finding one, until he stopped by the IT department of his sister’s company to get files off an old, battered memory card, and found a woman with curly blonde hair and bright, intelligent eyes chewing on a bright red pen and swearing at a computer screen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613188/chapters/28734552

Shades multi-chapter WIP by @geneshaven - Felicity is preparing to spend the holidays with her guys Chapter 1: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181215821029/shades Chapter 2: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181291236319/shades Chapter 3: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181398973624/shades Chapter 4: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181513399444/shades Chapter 5: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181607993734/shades Chapter 6: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/182028355089/shades Chapter 7: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/182214818554/shades Chapter 8: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/182265990139/shades

The Name of the Game by @it-was-a-red-heeler - Felicity decides to stir things up at her coffee shop, but she may have met her match. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779053

Quiet Return by @juliesioux - It starts at the moment when Oliver is released and then segues into their first night and day together. I decided to write from Felicity's POV and look at the struggle she would have faced between being angry, hurt, concerned and so fiercely in love with Oliver. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17447552

Just Beneath the Surface multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow arrow - When an S.O.S signal is sent to the FBI from a woman named Felicity Smoak, Director Oliver Queen knows that she is in grave danger. He can’t help but notice the haunting similarities between what’s happening to her and what happened nine years ago; in thirteen unsolved cold cases that drove ex-agent John Diggle out of the bureau. With a race against the clock, Oliver enlists the help of his old mentor to reopen the investigation, and hopefully save Felicity’s life. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239002/chapters/37963052

Olicity Dialogue Prompt: I’m Not Good Enough For You by @originalhybridloverfics - Oliver and Felicity make their relationship public after months of secretly dating https://originalhybridloverfics.tumblr.com/post/182101363194/olicity-dialogue-prompt-im-not-good-enough-for

And So The Adventure Begins multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Felicity spent her first year of college focused solely on her studies. In year two, with the convincing of her best friends Iris and Sara, she lets her hair down a bit. Oliver spent his first year partying with his wingman Tommy and living up to the status that came with his last name. He realizes he should buckle down focus on the most important part: actual school. Oliver and Felicity meet, and even though they are on different ends of the spectrum, they don't realize that they can each bring out hidden parts of one another. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15800025/chapters/36771018

| ONE | (Oliver the Footballer) multi-chapter WIP @someonesaidcake - Felicity Smoak had a plan; to save enough money to kick her monotonous job and start up the company of her dreams. She made good plans, solid plans, attainable plans. He was never part of her plan. His name was Oliver Queen, the reclusive Brazilian football star with a broken smile and a story to tell. He'd never planned on her either. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005402/chapters/34779542

Made in Fate by @missyriver - Felicity Smoak-Queen liked to be prepared, she did internet searches, read every book, but there are some things she could never prepare for. She wasn’t someone that made rash decisions. Well, she wasn’t before she married a man after only knowing him a few days. It ended up being the best thing to ever happen to her. In less than nine months they would bring home a brand new baby Queen. But now being pregnant, she needed to prepare. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724351

Late to the Party by @diggo26 - Summary Future Olicity https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056575/chapters/26416572

My Heart is Yours by @arrowgirl20 - Major character death - Oliver gives Felicity the ultimate gift. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11746221

Hearts and Scars multi-chapter WIP by @allimariexf - This is a place for me to put Olicity drabbles and one shots. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16615763/chapters/38947613

One Last Time: Get Down by @wetsuiton - Prompt - get down. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084547/chapters/26470494

From Somewhere Within multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - Their connection has always felt natural to them, safe and secure. But others tend to fear what they don’t understand, and as far as their enemies are concerned, the world isn’t ready to accept two people who can know each other the way that Oliver and Felicity do. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009244/chapters/37356257

As Days Go By (The Night's on Fire) multi-chapter WIP by @dreamsofolicity - After five years of fighting for her life, Felicity Smoak returns home to save her city. She intends to pursue her crusade alone but finds that a little help is needed from time to time. Enter Oliver Queen, a face from her past that she doesn't particularly want to become part of her future. But she is not the only one who has changed. Felicity finds herself growing closer and closer to Oliver as she learns more about the man that he has become and they work together to try to save the city that they both love. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11760117/chapters/26508534

Wait and Hope multi-chapter WIP by @juvinadelgreko - Oliver begins to repair Star City’s trust in him, and realizes how hard it will be. Luckily, he has Felicity to help him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492297/chapters/41200523

Pieces of Always multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8220479/chapters/18840356

Overwatch multi-chapter WIP by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A burglary attempt convinces the Mayor of Starling City to hire Smoak Technologies to strengthen his security. But between the sassy AI watching him 24/7 and the personal trainer with his own reasons to kill him, Oliver may wish he’d stuck with his baseball bat for protection. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500640/chapters/41221793

To Emiko, From Felicity by @juvinadelgreko - I wrote this assuming that Oliver and Emiko’s conversation at the end of 7x10 doesn’t go well, which I think is a valid assumption. It’s a letter written to Emiko by Felicity, asking her to hear Oliver out and give him a chance to make amends. https://juvinadelgreko.tumblr.com/post/182230931447/to-emiko-from-felicity

Re-Airrow 2x15 by @lostolicityscenes - Another short and sweet scene. Based off the scene above where Diggle and Felicity return to the cave just when Oliver is calling Felicity to warn the team about Slade being at Queen Mansion. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/182231766461/re-airrow-2x15

Secrets Don't Make Friends multi-chapter WIP by @felicityollies - Felicity stumbles upon the lair after getting drunk at Verdant. She meets the Hood, but it doesn’t go as she expects. http://archiveofourown.org/works/10938729

Dear Emiko (Extended) by @juvinadelgreko - After Oliver and Emiko’s conversation goes south, Felicity decides it’s time to step in. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524949

Never Far Away, Part 1 multi-chapter Complete by @onceuponanolicity - When Felicity Smoak moves to Starling City and attends a new high school, she expects things to be hard on her, she is twelve after all. But then she meets new friends and life becomes easier. What isn't so easy is growing up. Oliver Queen met Felicity when she was twelve and he treated her as nothing more than a friend, well, except for when his big brother tendencies kicked in. Until one day, something in his life changed. He looked at Felicity as she was growing up and began to realize that he didn't want her as a friend anymore. By the time, Oliver was man enough to admit his feelings for Felicity, he went away on the Queen's Gambit only for it to sink. Now that he has finally made it home. He has to win her back. This is a multi-chapter au fic that follows Oliver and Felicity through high school and into season 1. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11293257/chapters/25265796

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //

#FabulousOlicityFanficFriday #olicity fanfiction #fic recs

103 notes · View notes

dcarhcarts · 5 years ago

Text

regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol.

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain.

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha.

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy.

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes. I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it.

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!

#tw anxiety #tw depression #tw long post #( ooc ) ✵ ~ CHANDELIERS AND CAVIAR ~ /

5 notes · View notes

nekoriri · 6 years ago

Text

This is the English translation of the Chinese Novel Title: 最爱你的那十年 / Zuì ài nǐ dì nà shí nián / The 10 Years Where I Loved you the Most Author: 无仪宁死

This is the English translation of the Chinese Novel Title: 最爱你的那十年 / Zuì ài nǐ dì nà shí nián / The 10 Years Where I Loved you the Most

Author: 无仪宁死

< TN/ >This is going to be the last chapter we will post cause we lack funds doing this and lack man power feel free to adopt the series if you are able to but please do not repost our works without our permission PS RE TRANSLATION IS OK GO JUST CREDIT US W ARE SO FINE WITH IT XD IM ALWAYS ON TWITTER SO IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT ME JUST GO THERE LOL @JulieNightray

this chapter is brought to you by Keiko <3 my goddess friend <3 thanks keikei this is a free translation by my awesome friend. We do not make money out of this translation the copyright for this novel belongs to the writer and we are just translating them for fellow fans if you do have the capability please do support the author and try to translate it if you are able to Thank you!.JUST SO YOU KNOW MY FRIENDS WHO HELPS WITH TRANSLATION ARE NONE BL FAN so in a way I am tainting their innocence /o/ --- The 10 years I loved you the most

Summary:Usually people that yell that they'll leave, they end up being the ones to pick up the broken pieces. When the time comes to truly leave, they only pick the nicest day with beautiful weather, wearing their most frequently worn clothes, open the door and leave, never coming back. To Jiang Wenxu (蒋文旭), He Zhishu (贺知书) is [his] air and water. When he can spend willfully, he doesn't think it's a pity. But if one day he loses it, it'll be too late to regret it. "Where you are, is a thought I can't stop thinking about til the end of earth" ------------------------------------------

Chapter 3 Just like a thorn in the bone, mercilessly drinking the blood and nibbling the flesh, when a heart really hurts, that kind of pain can really kill people. He Zhishu can endure a lot, but every time his heart hurts, he can’t help but hurt himself more.

He Zhishu carried the plant upstairs, his forehead covered in cold sweats. He leaned on the wall to catch his breath, feeling dizzy with a headache. He Zhishu’s medicine was poured into different styles of glass-made bottle charms. At a simple glance, no one would imagine such a terrible illness. He liked such exquisite bottles since his school days, collecting a lot of them over the years. Now, all these bottles were used to contain his medicine. He was too lazy to boil water, so he just drank the medicine with cold water. Once he laid in bed, he could hear his stomach churning like waves in a storm. He Zhushu rolled to the side and curled up into a circle, his chin almost touching his knees.

This has been the longest time since Jiang Wenxu didn’t care to come home. 19 days. It’s only been 19 days, and He Zhishu has no idea how he has managed to survive this long. He thought back to the day he had his bone marrow aspiration, waiting by himself for the lab report, listening to other patients’ uncontrollable sobbing sounds. He sat there calmly in silence and thought to himself, “After all this, can I still stand? I still want to go home, but I’m afraid I can’t do so.” He Zhishu’s headache really can’t be helped. His hand curled up, like how a drowning person desperately grabbing at an out of reach driftwood would. He got out of bed frowning, opened the desk drawer in the small bedroom with a key, and carefully took out a book from inside.

The book was Jian Zhen’s Prose, which looked a few years old. He Zhishu hugged the book and tucked himself into the sofa, lightly flipping open the first page, the tiredness in his eyes slowly fading away, replaced with a gentle smiling expression.

The white pages from back then have now turned yellow, but the cool and arrogant penmanship can withstand time. Jiang Wenxu’s penmanship was beautiful, and meticulously transcripted Jian Zhen’s words— "Where you are, is a thought I can't stop thinking about til the end of earth" 14 years ago, a boy with an air of arrogance stopped He Zhishu. The boy’s face reddened, stuffed a book in his hands and coolly said, “Heard from others that you liked Jian Zhen, so I bought you her book. Hope you like the book and conveniently… Like me too!”

Biting his lips tightly, He Zhishu hugged the book. He weakly sat on the sofa, his eyes misted up, holding a sense of heaviness. There were no tears, the heart is already broken. Jiang Wenxu came home in the evening, the sound of the key turning at the door was clear.

That moment, He Zhishu was immediately awake, and slowly sat up. No lights were turned on in the house. Jiang Wenxu thought that He Zhishu was asleep in his bedroom at first, so he didn’t think that once he turned on the light, He Zhushu would be staring at him, with a face white as ghost at that. Jiang Wenxu jumped in shock, “Not turning on the light so late in the evening and scaring people here?!” he offhandedly reprimanded.

Jiang Wenxu looked at He Zhishu and couldn’t help but feel agitated on the inside, along with a strange and complicated feeling which he couldn’t make sense of. These days, he’s been getting along with a boy from the Fine Arts Academy. It wasn’t until he got a call from He Zhishu last night that he somehow felt guilty, always remembering the sad times. Thinking about it, he realized he hasn’t come home in a long while.

“I fell asleep and just woke up, so I couldn’t turn on the lights in time. You’re not busy at work?” He Zhishu asked without a hint of annoyance, and set the book on the coffee table. Jiang Wenxu, without looking at the book, threw his coat on the sofa, and loosened his tie. Lying with a straight face, he said, “Even if I’m busy I still need time to come home.” “Did you get thinner?” Jiang Wenxu stared at He Zhishu, his brows furrowed. “How old are you already, yet still unable to take care of yourself. Do you not mind looking into the mirror and losing your appetite?”

He Zhishu’s heart felt like it was stabbed hard, delicate and in pain. In fact, to Jiang Wenxu, his wan and emaciated look was not worth mentioning, right? However, losing appetite is true. How can this appearance compete with the prosperous wildflowers outside?

He Zhishu laughed, how could he not want to take care of himself. But life never gave him a choice. Now, Jiang Wenxu only had that one thing to say. What, did He Zhishu have to apologise for his paleness? A stall owner sees him and already heartbreakingly asks, “Child, did you get thin from working too hard?” A doctor that has seen life and death also encouraged him not to give up life. Yet, this man that has been with him for over a decade did not give a care.

He Zhishu knew what kind of person Jiang Wenxu was. He would not spend his attentiveness and tenderness on things that do not interest him. That’s why, the thoughtfulness that once came from him, through time, has now eroded into disdain. And He Zhishu can do nothing about it. ---------------------------------------------------------------- <TN/>Keiko : just wanted to say (don't need to add this in), the author whoever it is, he's not really a good writer, his descriptive writing really bothers me, there were so many instances where he didn't need to add in a description but did (such as how the hands curled up like a guy drowning and not able to get the log???)it's like he was trying to make it to a word count in a school assignment 😑 lollll

Me: hahahahahaha i know the feels XD

Anyways this is the end for our journey with this series if you want to continue this feel free just don't re post our translations I am more than willing to help with funding new translators for this I am just one DM away.

#最爱你的那十年 #the10yearswhereilovedyouthemost #zuì ài nǐ dì nà shí nián #chinesetoenglishtranslation #chinesenovel #无仪宁

11 notes · View notes

a-singing-carebear · 5 years ago

Text

Coming out-honestly

*Fair warning - it came out (pun intended) very very lengthy, you really don't have to read it, it’s just a mess-salad.

I decided to wait until the last day of pride (kinda, i won’t have the computer in the next couple of days so it’s now on the 28th and not the actually 30th) rather than on the first or some random day.

Last year i posted on Pride Month a short post about my sexaluy-just stating for those who didn’t know that i'm homoromantic (/ace lesbian / whatever) and happy pride...

A few weeks (or days) after i deleted that post.

I was scared, it was the first time i ever came out in a social/"public" place, and i know that a lot of other people who are closeted outside of the net find places like tumblr or twitter as a safe place.

But i panicked and the fact that an ex-friend (yes that a word i’m using) is following me didn't help. (even though i'm pretty sure she hasn't touched her account in years...)

I’ve known i'm queer for a while. Actually i was raised in a very heteronormative environment, (and in a pretty lonely and closed childhood, so i wasn't aware of a l o t of things) until i was 12 i didn't even knew what the LGBTQ+ community was (other than hearing people use "homo" as a curse word or an insult).

When i found out it was just like "oh cool". Then realised that i was falling in love with my best friend, what started everything. I started looking back and realising things that i thought were just me being too young, a late bloomer or just not interested in all of that. The thought process-maybe i’m bi-i think im bi-no lesbian-oh asexal is a thing- Until i finally understand myself completely. (Maybe one day i will make a post about that)

Almost two years ago i finally fully came out to myself (as weird as it sounds) as asexual homoromanrtic. I was desperate to find the correct label and explain it to others. I felt like i couldn't just be “queer”, that no one will take it seriously or believe it without a clear specific tag(\label). (i’m not that much into labels, they can help and make you feel comfortable but why can’t i just say:

“i don’t think i have sexual attraction to anyone, i don’t want a sexaul relationship, i like girls, i want a girlfriend, and hey maybe there will be a guy someday that i will want to be with, in like a 2% present if even but still” .

(found this post a few days ago, it made me happy, like it was waiting just for me to read it, so thank you - https://atalana.tumblr.com/post/184952782507)

Now i’m almost 19, and knew for the past 7 years that i'm not straight, but it was really hard for me to be out to someone else. What if they will not accept me? What if they will hate me? What if it will make things awkward and uncomfortable? What if they'll tell me i’m wrong? (It has come to a point that i feel more comfortable coming out to people at my base (military) then my closest friends)...

I always said to myself that when i will have a girlfriend, this will be how i would come out - "...this is my girlfriend..." But it’s so much harder, still single, been single all my life, i don't really know how the whole “asking out” thing works (especially with my self-doubt, anxiety, being an introvert, and of course my sexaulty- first i need to find a girl that i like than for her to be wlw then for her to want me and then for her to be fine with me being also ace.

Switching things up a bit, let's talk about Pride Parade. For almost three years now (maybe more) I wanted to attend Pride. but combining: closeted, social anxiety, not loving very big crowds and being alone (like not having anyone to go with), and you can kinda see why i haven’t even though i do want. i can celebrate in my own way for now, looking at gay stuff in tumblr, re-reading the events of Stonewall ,listening to The Prom or Ben Platt’s “Sing to Me Instead”, watching Steven Universe, rewatching Love, Simon, making some(bad) queer art for myself etc.

For some reason it's really really hard for my to celebrate pride...cause i’m alone(feel alone at least). And i'm really terrified of being out. Even at home, even a simple thing like putting a flag or commenting gay stuff...

"Cause no matter what, announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying, cause what if the world doesn't like you." [-Love, Simon]

It’s all i want to do, to come out. I’m happy to be a part of the community, In silence and alone i embrace myself and everything… but, my feelings are so complicated.

"I feel like I’m stuck on a ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world, then the next I’m at rock-bottom." [-Love, Simon]

I want be be proud, but It's just... For example, last week i was talking to someone and told her a story with two girls getting married, which ended in a big discussion with me defending and explaining the community, and finding out she's pretty homophobic. Then she asked me "wait are you a lesbian?"

"Ya, what of it?" That's what i wanted to say. i panicked, just froze and didn't answer her. And i know what you're going to say "we do understand, you just found out she's homophobic". It's more than that, i'm not sure if i would have acted differently if she wasn't...

It's so hard to be closeted, especially when your trying so hard to keep it that way (for some damn reason). I don't think there something wrong with me because i’m lgbtq+. i just think i couldn't handle the types of rejection/denial that i could receive.

Being in the closet is hard, growing up changing the pronouns in love songs, having nothing to say in "boys talk" etc. My little personal bubble is colorful (like a soap bubble in the sun), it's just so hard to me to show it. I need the courage, the self-confidence and the safeness of my surrounding, i just don't have them…

[This is what i love about people from the community wearing pride colors, it helps. it gives me hope and validness, it’s makes me so happy, i don’t feel that alone. it’s like holding a big sigh “hey i’m queer too, you’re accepted & safe!”]

Here, My closest friends for example, we’re friends for almost 5 years now, but i haven't told them. at all. I know they will accept me. But it can affect our relationships so much. I hope it doesn't... It's like a bandaid, i just need to rip it off, but it will hurt. Like opening Pandora's box, who know what will come out.

I’m out to my younger brother, but he doesn't like that i talk about it too often. I told my previous therapist. I came out to a new friend of mine, and then(of other reasons)a few weeks after we stopped being friends. My mother kinda know but not really. Two weeks ago i came out to a good friend of mine (but that i know only 4 month), and the only reason i felt comfortable telling him was because i knew he moves away in a couple of weeks (so even if it will be a disaster, i wouldn't have to see him again).

That's it.

So I was wondering for a while lately why didn't i already came out yet to any of my close friends? To my family? Yes, we already realise that it’s because i'm scared of what will happen,

I think i get another reason why, Because what if i’m wrong? What if it will change? What if i am just a late bloomer? If it’s false? Or what if i tell someone for example that i’m homoromantic and down the line i will find out i’m actually biromantic or vice versa or just a lesbian...

The amounts of anxiety i’m dealing with on a daily basis in every aspect of my life and my low, non existent self-esteem, make me qustion evey single time my sexualty.

Even when i’m already out to myself and know what i like, there's this voice keep telling me that maybe i’m wrong. I’m fine with just being queer, with not using a specific labels (and i’m fine with). But it feels like the others, the society around me, need those tags. It can't end with “i was in love with that girl” or “i want a girlfriend”, and furthermore, a lot of pepole have no idea about asexalty. so telling them that i’m also ace or that i’m homoromantic will be completed...

Don’t get me wrong, i know who i am, what i like, i’ve known for a long time. But i also know that it’s a spectrum and its flexible, it just, like i said, I don’t think anyone will except/believe me if my "tags" would "change".

Then i realised. It’s ok... Even if i’m not totally sure, even if it could change, it’s an exploration, an experience. And most importantly- it matters, it’s real. whoever i am, now it’s real and i have to be more confident with myself (and not to let my already existing tons of self-doubt affect how i accept my own sexualy).

So “i’m gay, gay means Happy”.

Happy Pride! LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE

Sorry for the huge, huge, enormous post. Thank you so much for listening, if you stayed until now (and coungration!) Just hope i don't regret it and delete this too…

Still not sure what to do… If you have any advices for me (or something else to say) i would love to hear.

Sorry again for the length, mess and probably grammar mistakes. I really needed to get it out there.

#pride month #pride #lgbtq #lgbtq community #coming out #closeted #lesbian #gay #asexuel #ace #homoromantic #wlw #gay pride #bi #love is love #queer

2 notes · View notes