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vallkyr · 3 years

Text

August - January: Reveal

“What about Jaehyun? How long has he liked you?” What a masochistic question. Kevin isn’t sure why he’s doing that to himself, but he just needs to know. Has Jaehyun always had a thing for Jacob? Or was Kevin too busy with his own crush the past few months to notice anything?

“Apparently for a couple of months already.” Jacob shakes his head in disbelieve while smiling to himself. “Can you imagine? He’s been pinning after me all that time and decides to confess to me just when I realize I have feelings for him too. His timing is out of this world.” Kevin couldn’t agree more.

Kevin finally decides to confess to Jacob, but Jaehyun beats him to it.

Prompt: taking inspiration from a song (Song: REVEAL by The Boyz)

Pairing: Kevin x Jacob , Jacob x Hyunjae, mentioned Eric x Juyeon

Characters: Kevin Moon, Jacob Bae, Lee Jaehyun, Lee Juyeon, Eric Sohn

Rating: Explicit

Genres: Romance, Drama, Song Fic

Tags: Hurt, a bit of self-hate (I'm sorry), failed confession, unrequited love (Or is it?), breakup, getting together, friends to lovers, endgame Moonbae, clubbing, light drinking, Eric kind of gets slut shamed once (I’m sorry, Baby), eventual Happy Ending, eventual fluff, eventual smut, masturbation, shower sex, hand job, blow jobs, light hair pulling

Word Count: 33,697

The translation I used for the quotes

Writing Workshop Masterpost July: A morning at the pool

☀️15th of May, 3.27pm🌙

The sky is a bit cloudy, but after the gloomy and cold weather of the last few weeks it’s finally getting warmer. Spring has officially begun. Still, Kevin should have probably put on a jacket. Or found a place inside the café, but it’s so much nicer outside with the breeze sweeping through his hair and an occasional ray of sunshine warming his skin. Kevin takes another sip from his milkshake, trying his best to let the pleasant weather calm his nerves a little. His beverage is half empty already while Jacob’s milkshake is still standing on the table completely untouched. If Kevin keeps going like this he’ll be done before Jacob arrives. Technically, he could just order another milkshake, but it unnerves him on principle. It’s unlike Jacob to make him wait this long. He checks his phone for the at least 16th time since sitting down. Still no message. Why does Jacob have to be late today of all times? Confessing to your best friend is nerve wrecking enough as it is, Kevin did not need the additional torture of being all alone with his thoughts until Jacob decides to grace Kevin with his presence.

Rather than finishing the entirety of his milkshake, Kevin starts fiddling with the cup as he waits, tracing various letters with his fingers or tapping the lid to the rhythm of the annoying pop song playing in the café behind him. Maybe Kevin should have told Jacob that he wants to discuss something with him. That way, Jacob would have known that it’s serious and would have been here on time. Though knowing Jacob, he would have also been unsettled and worried about what Kevin wanted to talk about, which would have made things so much harder once Jacob arrived. No, Kevin doesn’t want to worry him. A confession isn’t a reason for worry after all. Being in love is something good, right? No need to ring Jacob’s alarm bells for that. And maybe, just maybe, Jacob feels the same for Kevin?

Their bond has always been special, though for the longest time Kevin had never considered that Jacob could be anything but a friend to him. That changed rather suddenly last winter while they were out shopping for Christmas gifts. Well, that had been their aim, but they got sidetracked by mulled wine, various food stalls and showing each other possible prank gifts for their friends. In the end, they had each found a few gifts regardless. On their way home, Jacob took Kevin’s hand out of nowhere and pulled him into the park across from their favorite café. At the thought, Kevin finds himself looking over to exactly the park, where fresh grass and little flowers have by now replaced the blanket of snow from last December. Kevin can still remember Jacob’s cute laugh when he put his various plastic bags down to throw himself into the snow. He himself stood frozen in slight shock and smiled in amusement as Jacob spread his arms and legs and started making a snow angel. ‘Come on, what are you waiting for?’ Jacob had asked him. So obviously Kevin had abandoned his own bags in favor of lying down next to his friend. A lot of people must have thrown them weird glances. Two adult men playing in the snow like little kids. But neither of them gave a shit as they happily formed snow angles next to each other. Jacob was the first to get up, so he gave Kevin a hand when he tried to stand up without ruining his snow angel. Yeah, maybe it’s cliché – the more Kevin thinks about it the more does it sounds like a scene from some cheesy romance movie – but Jacob pulled Kevin up with so much strength that they crashed into each other. When they stood in the snow covered park, holding onto each other, laughing hysterically and muttering apologies, that’s when it happened. Kevin looked at the giggling mess of a Jacob in his arms and felt like another sun rose in the orange tinted sky above them.

It's weird. Kevin has been in love before, but things have never felt like this. Everything is new and the same all at once. He feels like a mess whenever he’s around Jacob or when Jacob texts him first. But they still talk, joke around and drag each other like Kevin didn’t spend the entire winter break daydreaming about meeting Jacob underneath a mistletoe. For the first time in his life, he had hoped the holidays would pass faster because coming back to college meant seeing Jacob more often again.

“Sorry!” Kevin is ripped out of his thoughts all of a sudden and laughs when he sees Jacob all but crashing down on the chair next to him. Yes, this is the adorable mess he fell in love with. “Oh god, I’m so sorry I really didn’t mean to be late.” And just like that the sun starts shining and pushes all of Kevin’s worries back. Of course Jacob hasn’t forgotten about this, he’d never stand Kevin up without warning. “I have an explanation, I swear!”

“Woah dude, relax!” Kevin’s chest fills with warmth as he watches Jacob get comfortable in the chair and remove his light jacket. He beams at Kevin when he’s finally all sorted. Jacob looks so cute like this, with his warm eyes and bright smile. Kevin’s fingers itch to fix Jacob’s messy hair, so he reaches over to put the rebellious strands of hair that had fallen victim to Jacob’s impact on the chair back in its place. Jacob smiles at him when he’s done.

“Thanks.” Finally, Jacob seems to relax after probably running all the way from his and Eric’s apartment to the café. He sighs happily after taking a first sip of his milkshake, the one he always orders.

“So,” Kevin says while propping his chin up on his hand. He’s feeling so much more at ease about the whole confession thing now that Jacob is in front of him. When he looks at Jacob’s gentle smile, he just knows he has nothing to be afraid of with him. Whatever Jacob feels for him, whether he returns Kevin’s feelings or not, they’ll work it out together. They’ve gotten through everything together until now. “You were going to tell me why you’re late to our date, Jakey.” Jacob doesn’t react to the word, which wasn’t to be expected. Kevin often calls it a date when they meet up. It has never seemed to strike Jacob as odd in any way, maybe because it did start of as a joke before Kevin took it more and more seriously. He wonders if Jacob will think differently about their ‘dates’ after today. Who knows, maybe Kevin will get to officially call stuff like this a date soon. God, he’d love that so much. Though he doubts much would change about the nature of their ‘dates’. They’ve been friends for ages; they’d still be the same two idiots who tried to steal a whiskey bottle from Kevin’s dad as teenagers and cried while watching frozen if they started dating.

“Ah right!” Jacob’s face fills with the same bubbly excitement he gets when telling Kevin about his volleyball matches. “I was just about to leave when I ran into Jaehyun right in front of the door.”

“Looks like I’ll need to have a word with him when I get home,” Kevin chuckles. “Let me guess, Eric wasn’t back from his lecture yet and he made you wait with him?”

“No, actually he wanted to talk to me. I told him that I was on my way to meet you, but he said it was urgent, so I wanted to listen to him first.” Something urgent? Did anything happen? Jaehyun seemed alright when Kevin left their apartment in the morning. He would have told him if it was anything serious, right? Why did he go and talk about it to Jacob? All of Kevin’s thoughts come to a halt when he sees the bright smile on Jacob’s face. That isn’t a ‘Jaehyun is about to fail college’ kind of expression, it’s more of a ‘Jaehyun won the lottery and decided to give me half of it’. “Jaehyun confessed to me,” Jacob says while grinning from ear to ear. “We’re boyfriends now!”

All lights go out. Darkness. Kevin feels like his head has been pushed under water. He can’t breathe. He can’t think. Nothing.

Jacob… Jacob and Jaehyun are boyfriends? As in being a couple? Romantically? That kind of boyfriends?

It hurts. That’s all Kevin can think right now. His heart feels like it’s getting ripped apart and trampled on at the same time. He might just burst into tears from the pain tearing through his chest if he wasn’t frozen in shock, unable to do anything but stare at Jacob.

“Is something wrong?” Jacob’s smile falters just a little as though he’s scared of having made a mistake when telling Kevin the news. Oh no, Jacob is getting worried. Damnit, get a grip and do it fast.

“Of course not!” Kevin replies hastily. Fuck, he can’t let Jacob know what’s going on. But what is he supposed to say? Something very much is wrong, Kevin’s heart is in shreds, but Kevin cannot possibly tell Jacob about his feelings. Not now, not like this. Fuck. “I’m happy for you two. I’m just surprised?” Kevin hates lying to Jacob more than anything. Lying in general is something he despises, but to Jacob? That’s so much worse. They’re best friends, he can usually be honest with Jacob about literally anything. Except, ironically, the one thing we wants to be open about the most. Why is he forced to lie about this of all things? Kevin knows he isn’t a good liar either. Hopefully, Jacob doesn’t realize what’s going on. “I mean I had no idea you liked Jaehyun that way and then you…”

That seems to do the trick; Jacob nods in understanding. At the very least, he seems more at ease now. “I would have told you eventually, but it’s still fairly recent? I barely figured out I have a crush on him and suddenly he confesses to me.” Jacob giggles to himself. Kevin’s heart bleeds from the adorable sound he loves so much. He feels like he should have noticed that Jacob has feelings for Jaehyun. Or that Jaehyun has feelings for Jacob. His roommate and his best friend, how come he missed it? Did any of them behave any differently the past few weeks? Were they looking at each other more than usual? Did they try to reach out and touch each other? Kevin comes up blank. Maybe Jaehyun had like Jacob all along and Kevin just hadn’t realized. The thought pierces though Kevin’s chest like a knife. He quickly busies himself with his drink again. Anything is better than thinking about the chaos currently unfolding upon him. Now his entire plan seems so stupid. Kevin invited Jacob here to confess to him and now he gets to hear Jacob talk about his boyfriend. It feels like the universe is mocking Kevin. Jacob has never been in a relationship, well not in a proper one. Kevin isn’t sure if the girlfriend Jacob had in 6th grade counts, especially since he later figured out that he’s gay. Either way, the timing of the universe just had to let Jacob get his first boyfriend the day Kevin was going to confess to him. And then it has to be their shared friend to boot. Just how badly did Kevin’s past lives screw up for things to come to this?

☀️🌙

I can see you

I was gonna go to you

But I stopped in place because of a different sun

Spreading with the sunset

It covers my heart, babe

☀️🌙

☀️29th of May, 7.14 pm🌙

Two weeks. It’s been exactly two weeks since Kevin’s heart has been turned into a pile of shambles. He wishes he could push it into a dark corner of his mind and try to ignore everything, forget he has been pinning after Jacob the past five months. But when you spend nearly every free minute with the people causing your heartbreak, that’s difficult. Close to impossible, actually. Their presence keeps Kevin’s shattered heart underneath a bright spotlight, forcing Kevin to look at it all the time. Yet he can’t get himself to do anything about it. He can’t and doesn’t want to keep his distance from two of his closest friends. Kevin would probably make himself – and them – more miserable in the process. He likes spending time with Jacob and Jaehyun. That part hasn’t changed even with the piercing ache now present in his chest whenever he sees them together.

Kevin lets his gaze wander through the living room. He fought Eric for the second beanbag chair after Juyeon claimed the one by the window. So now Kevin is opposite from Juyeon while Eric shares the couch with the happy couple of their group. In moments like this, when they’re gathered around the couch table in Kevin and Jaehyun’ apartment, chattering casually while having dinner together, everything feels the same as it had just three weeks ago.

But some things did change.

Admittedly, Jacob and Jaehyun are fairly decent regarding their public affection: no obnoxious hand holding, no constant snuggling – at least not beyond Jaehyun’ natural cuddle level – or sucking face, no sweety pie/honey bun/cutie patootie bullshit, no ‘You hang up first’ phone calls, no being literally inseparable. Honestly, Kevin would have expected half of that from Jacob and almost all of it from Jaehyun. But some stuff still happens. And Kevin notices. He always notices. No matter how much he tries to be normal around Jacob and Jaehyun, he sees the way they sit a little closer together, that Jaehyun sometimes has his arm around Jacob or that Jacob leans into his side and closes his eyes every now and then. It should be cute, it is cute in a way, but Kevin feels sick thinking about it.

Jacob burst into laughter. Immediately, Kevin’s eyes are drawn towards him. The sun shines a little brighter and Kevin’s heart does a little jump in his chest whenever Jacob laughs. Jacob covers his mouth with his hand and lightly hits Jaehyun’ shoulder, but his gaze is soft as he continues to giggle at his boyfriend. Boyfriend. Just the fucking word hurts. Kevin wishes it was him who made Jacob laugh. The thought is ridiculous; he makes Jacob laugh all the damn time. But it doesn’t feel like that. Jacob doesn’t look at Kevin like he’s his entire world when laughing about his jokes. To him, Kevin is a friend, nothing more, nothing less.

Kevin wonders just how deep Jacob’s and Jaehyun’ feelings for each other run. Jaehyun wouldn’t have confessed if this was just a fleeting crush, Kevin is sure of that. That kind of stuff comes and goes. Hell, they’re a bunch of young, gay and conventionally attractive guys. It’s practically impossible that none of them isn’t at least mildly attracted to one of the others. Kevin is still a little surprised they haven’t had any friends with benefits stuff going on in their group the past years. To be fair, for a while Kevin thought something might be going on between Jaehyun and Juyeon because of how much they stuck together, though that was disproven the moment Jacob told him about his relationship with Jaehyun.

What about Jacob though? When he got together with Jaehyun, he said his feelings for him have been fairly recent. Can they really be that profound? Or is he waiting for that to happen? Why does it matter? At the end of the day, Jacob made his choice. He decided to be together with Jaehyun and so far, Kevin sees no sign of regret in him. Would that be different if Jacob knew about Kevin’s feelings? If the decision hadn’t been yes or no but Jaehyun or Kevin? Why didn’t Kevin tell Jacob earlier? Why did he wait until he missed his chance? Why is he only thinking about his own feelings? Why is he such a horrible friend? He’s supposed to be Jacob’s best friend; he should be putting Jacob’s happiness above his own. Jacob is happy with Jaehyun. At the very least, Kevin doesn’t have to question that. The way Jacob always rants about how sweet and wonderful and amazing Jaehyun is as a boyfriend leaves no other conclusions. So then what is Kevin even racking his brain about? Jacob is taken, he’s happy. This is it. Lights out. Time to go home. Nothing more to discuss.

“Earth to Kevin Moon, can someone hear me?”

“Huh? What?” Kevin’s head snaps up. All eyes are on him. He spaced out, didn’t he? How long was he stuck in his head? Who even talked to him? His confusions must be showing, because everyone start laughing when he silently looks around the room.

“Welcome back among the living,” Jaehyun says with a grin. That settles one question at least. “I asked you to buy some parmesan when you go grocery shopping. Eric used up the rest of our supplies.”

Eric smiles innocently when Kevin throws a glance to him, then the admittedly fairly large pile of cheese on Eric’s second serving of Spaghetti. Is this Eric’s revenge for the beanbag chair? “Hey, you can never have enough cheese, okay?” Or maybe it’s just Eric being Eric.

Kevin nods and directs his attention to his own plate, that he had apparently neglected while being lost in thought. “Yeah, will do.” His friends pick up their conversation again, but just like earlier, Kevin isn’t really paying attention. He’s way too stuck in his head to focus on their words. Are things going to stay like this? Is Kevin going to be lost in thought and absent until the day he eventually, hopefully, gets his stupid feelings under control? Is seeing Jacob and Jaehyun going to get easier with time?

For now, the answer is no. Kevin feels like his throat closes up as he watches Jacob lean into Jaehyun’ side. He tries to look away, but of course his eyes catch Jacob’s hand on Jaehyun’ thigh, his fingers drawing little patterns above his knee. A fire flickers to live inside Kevin. Some twisted part inside of him wants to put an end to Jacob and Jaehyun’ intimacy by distracting Jacob or getting in between them. Why does something like this have to make Kevin jealous already? It makes him feel like such an asshole that he can’t just be happy for his friends.

If Jacob knew about Kevin’s feelings, he’d behave differently, he’d be more careful around Kevin. Would it be easier? Forcing Jacob to walk on eggshells around him and question every bit of public affection he gives his boyfriend. Jaehyun would notice, no doubt. Once that happened, keeping Kevin’s feelings a secret would be hell for Jacob. He’d constantly have to lie to Jaehyun about why he’s avoiding being affectionate with him. No, Kevin can’t put this kind of strain on their relationship. He’d never forgive himself for ruining things between them. Jacob and Jaehyun mean way too much to him. Kevin just has to stay quiet for their sake, for their happiness. Hasn’t he already arrived at this conclusion? Why is his mind still spinning around the what-ifs of confessing to Jacob? Letting go of the thought isn’t as easy as Kevin would have hoped. Maybe distance is the only solution left for him after all.

“Hey guys, I’m kind of tired. I’ll be in my room.” Hopefully that sounded convincing. Kevin gets up and picks up his plate, determined to leave the living room as quickly as possible.

“Already?” Jaehyun looks at him in confusion. Kevin tries to ignore it. In the end, he’s doing all this for Jaehyun too, so he needs to stay strong against those puppy eyes. “I thought we could all watch the movie together and count down to Jacob’s birthday.” Man, watching a movie would be great if Kevin didn’t know for a fact that he would only be staring at Jacob and Jaehyun the entire time and make himself miserable in the process. No thank you.

“Sorry. Maybe another time.” He’s well aware it’s stupid to say that when a birthday is involved. Jacob’s birthday is tomorrow after all, but Kevin simply doesn’t have the strength to watch him and Jaehyun any longer, especially not if they’re going to be all lovey-dovey as soon as the clock strikes zero.

Jacob looks disappointed too as he starts helping Kevin gathering up the empty plates. “That 8am lecture really isn’t doing you any good.” Not just the lecture. The way Jacob, always the angel, worries about him makes Kevin feel even more guilty about this entire situation. Why does he have to be the asshole in Jacob and Jaehyun’ love story?

Kevin sighs. He didn’t mean for it too sound that dramatic, he’d better make it look joking. “I told you it’s going to kill me.” Yes, that sounds better. Absurd, now he even calls playing a theatre show in front of his best friend ‘better’.

Jacob shakes his head like a concerned mother as they walk to the kitchen together. “It’s not going to kill you. You just need a healthy sleeping schedule.” Yes, mommy.

“Yeah, like any of us knows what that means.” Kevin stumbles a little when Jacob playfully bumps into him. He can’t help but smile a little at that.

“I’m serious, Kev. You need to sleep more, you’ve been kind of out of it lately. It can’t just be the one lecture.” Fuck fuck fuck. Jacob has been catching on, hasn’t he? Kevin needs to be more careful already. If he wants to keep his feelings a secret he needs to watch the way he behaves around Jacob or Jacob will eventually become so worried that Kevin will have to say the truth and then he’ll become a burden to Jacob.

“I’m telling you, that lecture screwed up the hint of a sleeping schedule I had. It’s like tectonic plates, one moves and bumps into the other and a bunch of earthquakes happen and volcanoes erupt and everyone dies.” Ladies and gentlemen: Kevin Moon – full time psychology student, part time drama queen.

Jacob puts his plates down in the sink and holds Kevin by the shoulders. Crazy, isn’t it? Even that little gesture has Kevin’s heart racing. He looks into Jacob’s caramel colored eyes and gets lost in their sweet warmth. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” Anything for you, Kevin thinks to himself, but of course he doesn’t dare to say that out loud.

Kevin could simply stay here and look at Jacob, feel Jacob’s hand rest on his shoulders and listen to his own thundering heartbeat until the sun rises again tomorrow. Their moment ends when they hear Eric yelling something in the living room. In no time Jacob is rushing down the hallway while yelling back an apology. On his way to his bed room, a tired grin tugs at Kevin’s lips because of the annoyed ‘Sorry doesn’t wash my underwear!’ reaching him from the living room. Kevin doesn’t bother switching the lights in his room on when he steps in. He closes the door behind himself and simply stares into the darkness spread out in front of him.

☀️🌙

I’m jealous of the one who has your smile

I see how happy you are so game’s over

☀️🌙

☀️20th of June, 10.04 pm🌙

“It was about time!” As they walk into the club, Jaehyun looks around them with a huge smile. Just seeing him like this has a bright grin stretch over Kevin’s face, especially when Jaehyun puts his arm around him and shakes him in excitement. “When was the last time we all five of us went out together?”

“Way too long.” Finding the time for stuff like that can be difficult among lectures and essays and all that shit. And anything beyond two people is a pain in the ass to organize anyways. All the more reason to look forward to tonight. Dressing up, professionally mixed drinks – because no matter how badly he begs to differ, Juyeon sucks as a barkeeper – loud music, flashing lights, dancing, yes this is exactly what Kevin needs after the past weeks of silent suffering. Apparently, he isn’t the only one. Their entire group seems to be buzzing with excitement, especially Eric, but when is he ever not a fidgety ball of energy?

In an unexpected moment of luck, Juyeon is able to secure their group a booth in a quiet – as quiet as it can be with music blasting nonstop anyways – part of the club. Eric immediately claims the seat next to Juyeon, while Jaehyun and Jacob waddle in from the other side, leaving Kevin to slide in last, right across from Jacob. This is fine, Kevin tells himself. He’s here to enjoy himself, he can handle looking at Jacob. They’ve been best friends for years, Jacob being ridiculously hot in front of him is no big deal.

“First round is on me by the way,” Jaehyun announces once they’re all seated. Eric and Kevin gasp in unition and Jaehyun laughs, high pitched and happy.

“Looks like someone is feeling generous today!” Kevin muses. “Thanks, buddy.” Eric is… less subtle with his gratitude. Saying thank you like Kevin, Jacob and Juyeon did isn’t enough. No, he climbs over Juyeon, right into Jaehyun’ lap and kisses his cheek before beaming at him. Jaehyun pulls a face at the kiss, but joins into everyone’s laughter nonetheless.

“No offense, Eric,” Kevin raises a brow as he observes the way Eric is still seated in Jaehyun’ lap while having his arms around Jaehyun’ neck and being pressed into his larger body, “but you look like a prostitute trying to win over a costumer.” For a moment it catches both of them off guard, turning to look at each other before they realize the position they’re in. Once the penny has dropped, Jaehyun suggestively wiggles his eyebrows at Eric while Eric gives him his best attempt at bedroom eyes and throws him a kiss. The entire table explodes into laughter. In the chaos Eric nearly drops off Jaehyun’ lap and lands on the floor if it wasn’t for Juyeon catching him with an arm around his waist. It takes way longer than it probably should for all of them calm down enough so Juyeon can help Eric get back into his own seat.

When their drinks arrive, they all toast to Jaehyun. He’s the one who paid after all, he deserves to have his ass kissed a little. The mood between them hasn’t felt this happy and light-hearted in ages and Kevin loves every minute of it. The past month had been hell, Kevin had been on the verge of losing his mind more than once. He missed moments like these when he can enjoy himself with his friends without having his brain shifting into overload, which is why he’s dedicated to shutting his brain out and having fun today. Maybe a few drinks will be needed, maybe he’ll feel terrible in the morning, but definitely, it will be worth it.

Though as Kevin finishes his second drink of the day, this time paid for all by himself, Kevin realizes that maybe turning his brain off has worked a little too well, actually.

Because Kevin allows himself to get a good look at how gorgeous Jacob is. He would have done it right when they met up, but he had to hold back while they were in broad daylight because people were bound to notice his blatant staring. And really, Kevin knows he’s bound to stare with how Jacob dressed up. Now it’s dark and Kevin is feeling the lightness of the alcohol filling him and he doesn’t think about that anymore. The white shirt Jacob is wearing is rather tight, which makes it close to impossible to ignore how well-build Jacob is, even though his arms are hidden by the big leather jacket. Damnit, why did Kevin have to fall for a volleyball player? One who owns a leather jacket to boot? Kevin’s gaze slips down, to what little he can see of Jacob’s lower half next to their table. Jacob’s black pants tightly hug his thighs. Kevin’s eyes snap back up as he tries not to think about the other things they cover. As though all of that isn’t enough to test Kevin’s sanity, Jacob thought it would be a good idea to complete his outfit with a slim, black choker that seems to mock Kevin from its spot around Jacob’s neck. On top of that – the entire universe seems to be plotting against Kevin – the colorful lights of the club play with the landscape of Jacob’s handsome face, color his recently dyed, blond hair and bathe his entire body in a surreal glow. Kevin feels like he’s watching a painting come to life right in front of his eyes. Jacob doesn’t need anything out of the ordinary to look breathtaking, but like this Kevin has to actively stop himself from dropping to his knees in front of him – whether it would be to pray or to suck Jacob’s dick, Kevin isn’t sure.

In retrospect, maybe going to the club with his friends really wasn’t the best idea in terms of forgetting Jacob. Far from it, actually. Kevin had sort of hoped all of this would get his mind off things. Boy was he wrong. Letting his guard down enough to check Jacob out was a mistake too because now Kevin cannot fucking keep his eyes off him. And his mind continuously providing him with very vivid images of what the whole ‘dropping to his knees’ thing would look like is not helping. Judging by Kevin’s thundering heart beat, he’d straight up die if Jacob was to ever look down at him and run his hand through Kevin’s hair while Kevin puts his mouth to use.

Enough. Enough of this. No more thinking about Jacob’s cock between his lips. Especially not when Jacob is here with him. Kevin wills himself to focus on the conversation taking place in front of him again. Luckily, that works today. What a fucking miracle. Soon Kevin is even participating himself. That is, until his ears are pleased with Single Ladies starting to sound through the club. This night just got a lot more fun. “Jacob!”

“No, nu-uh.” Jacob puts his drink down and shakes his head. Despite his reluctance, Kevin can see the little smile curving his lips up. Jacob wants this just as much as Kevin does, denying is useless and no won’t be taken for an answer. “Not happening.”

“Please!” Kevin slides a little out of his seat and comes closer to Jacob, increases the pressure. He’s not going to get turned down, not when Beyoncé is playing. This is their thing. Well, it’s Kevin’s thing mostly, but Jacob has always supported his love for Beyoncé. “Come on, dude!”

“Kev, I’m neither single nor a lady.” Kevin’s life would be so much easier if he was.

“Who cares? It’s Beyoncé!” Kevin takes Jacob’s hands and tugs at it. Jacob looks between them, at their joined hands, and sighs in playful defeat when gazing up at Kevin again. Finally, Jacob gives in and lets Kevin pull him up. They’re still holding hands when they arrive at the dance floor, which makes Kevin’s heart race no matter how much he tries to play it down.

Once they have a good spot, Kevin shuts his brain down. He focuses on the music, on dancing and the cute smile on Jacob’s face. It’s been ages since he’s last let go and fooled around with Jacob, always too scared of slipping up and getting too close for his own good. For the first time in what feels like ages, Kevin is able to push his feelings into the darkness of his mind and let the flashing lights of the club take over instead. He simply dances with his best friend. It’s refreshing, relieving. Kevin feels the music, lives in the moment. He hasn’t had this much fun in weeks. Jacob seems to have fun too as he follows Kevin’s example and dances the signature move of Single Ladies with him. Sadly, this beautiful feeling fades out together with the song.

They’re laughing when the Single Ladies slowly blends over into the next song, well aware that a lot of people must have looked at them and thought they were idiots, but not caring in the least. Jacob looks stunning, everything about him. Without the distraction of the music, Kevin gets drawn to him again like a moth to a candle. The colorful lights paint the various colors of the rainbow into Jacob’s hair and highlight his already prominent cheekbones. But the darkness of his brown eyes seems to shine brighter than anything else. They have that soft look to them that used to make Kevin believe he had a chance with Jacob.

“You’re so hot when you shake your non-existent ass to Beyoncé.” Jacob’s voice is dripping with playful sarcasm and Kevin wants nothing more than to pull Jacob against himself by that stupidly hot leather jacket and hold him close as he kisses that smug little grin right off his face.

“Excuse me,” Kevin tries to sound as offended as he possibly can when it gets to his little angel, “my booty is beautiful and I know you love it!”

“Is that so?” All air is knocked out of Kevin’s lungs when Jaehyun puts his arm around Jacob’s shoulders. It’s casual, really, nothing Jaehyun wouldn’t do with Kevin or any of their other friends, but Kevin knows it means something different with Jacob. “Should I be worried?” Both Jaehyun and Jacob laugh and Jacob shakes his head.

“Of course not!”

Of course not.

As a different song thunders through the speakers, Jaehyun lets his hands drop to Jacob’s hips, bringing them close together and starting to dance with Jacob. Their bodies seem to be glued to each other while they move together. Kevin stills stands frozen. For the millionth time in the last few weeks, Kevin finds himself wishing he was in Jaehyun’ place. He wants to have Jacob’s gaze on him and his hands on Jacob’s hips, he wants to be more than a friend to Jacob. If only he could let Jacob forget about his feelings for Jaehyun, put on Jacob’s Single Ladies and wipe his mind clean for one song, would he have a chance? Damnit, how did things go from lighthearted to heartbreaking this quickly? When Jacob leans up to kiss Jaehyun, it’s officially too much for Kevin. He quickly pushes past them. Kevin feels like he’s suffocating. He flees into the night through the nearest door. Darkness and cold air hit him in the face, but it’s nothing to the blow he took on the dance floor just now. The memory of Jacob assuring Jaehyun that he has no reason to worry is stuck in his mind just like their kiss. It feels like an insect that flies against the window again again again but can’t get out. Kevin stares into the cloud-covered sky above him and tries to pry his mental window open to shoo the insect out. It’s useless.

When Kevin closes his eyes, his brain goes crazy. He imagines himself continuing to dance with Jacob, being close to him and not letting go in favor of Jaehyun. Kevin tries to picture Jacob sliding his arms around Kevin’s neck, leaning into his body to kiss him. He imagines the warmth of Jacob’s body, the softness of his touch, the gentleness of his kiss. The fantasy is going to make Kevin lose his mind.

Tears fall from Kevin’s eyes onto the pavement. He furiously wipes the wetness of his cheeks. So far, he hasn’t cried because of Jacob and he isn’t going to start now.

But like anything Kevin tries, it’s useless.

He’s no match for Jaehyun, nothing for him to be worried about. Jacob would never choose Kevin. It’s ridiculous to assume that he’s ever even thought about Kevin in that way. No, Kevin probably isn’t even on his list. What could Kevin possibly offer Jacob?

Kevin crouches down on the ground as sobs start breaking out of him. He feels so pathetic, crying like a little child behind some nightclub because his feelings aren’t requited. Of course Jacob wouldn’t want him. Of course he wouldn’t choose Kevin, even if he knew about his feelings. Of course not. Why would Jacob ever be interested in him?

Stop.

Don’t treat yourself like that.

Kevin gets up and finally wipes the tears away, determined not to let new ones follow. He takes deep breaths of the cold night air, lets it fill his lungs and soothe his nerves. His heart still fills his chest with pain, but crying did take the pressure out of it a little. Kevin takes out his phone, switching on the front camera to check his face. His eyes look a little red from crying, but he doubts anyone will notice in the weird lighting inside the club. Besides, it’s not like Jacob and Jaehyun are there to see it. They’re busy with themselves on the dancefloor.

Sighing, Kevin heads back inside, to the booth that is – as expected – occupied by only Eric and Juyeon who are glued together almost Jacob and Jaehyun earlier. At the very least, the two ordered all of them a new round of drinks. Thank fuck. Kevin has never needed to get some alcohol into his system this badly.

“That one’s yours!” Eric announces with a bright smile, luckily seeming oblivious to Kevin’s darkened mood. Kevin picks up his drink and takes a large gulp, sighing when he feels the warmth of the alcohol in his throat. “Did something happen?” Eric carefully eyes Kevin with a frown. He can be so sweet and carrying underneath all the energy and jokes. It would be sweet if Kevin didn’t so desperately want to hide how he feels right now.

“Nope, just way too sober to thirdwheel for Jacob and Jaehyun while they make out on the dance floor.”

“Ew. Knew those love-birds wouldn’t keep their hands to themselves.” Eric quickly catches himself after that, even though he seems like he’d love to continue complaining. It’s weird, Jacob and Jaehyun aren’t usually that bad, but Eric seems seriously annoyed underneath his cheerful façade. “Anyways. Does that mean you’ll be here for a while?” As he talks, Eric turns around to look at Juyeon, who seems a little irritated but smiles at them nonetheless. At the very least, neither of them seems to have noticed that Kevin would currently like to empty the entire shelve behind the bar by himself.

“Go, dance, be young. I’ll guard the drinks.”

Eric grins and mumbles his thanks before he grabs Juyeon’s hand and drags him to his feet. Honestly, seeing as Eric is dressed in a little too tight skinny jeans – not like Kevin is one to talk – a very revealing tank top – even for Eric – and a fucking thigh harness – kinky bastard, Eric can pull it off though – Kevin thought he’d be gone looking for a hookup within five minutes after entering the club. The youngest of their friend group is kind of notorious in that regard, always off to find himself some way taller, handsome guy to flirt with – and maybe a bit more. Yet he’s still with them, an excited skip in his step as he drags Juyeon to the dance floor by the hand, kind of like Kevin had done with Jacob.

Wait.

What if Juyeon is the hookup Eric is looking for?

Since Kevin has already failed to notice Jacob’s feelings for Jaehyun and vice versa, one more friend to add to the list wouldn’t surprise him anymore. Plus, Juyeon is definitely Eric’s type – so is Jaehyun, technically, but Kevin doesn’t dwell on that: tall, handsome – even incredibly so, Juyeon could make any model jobless with his face and that build – and strong enough to carry him around all day.

Kevin swallows down another large part of his drink and tries to be subtle as he continues watching Eric and Juyeon together, the way Eric takes Juyeon’s hands, leans up to whisper in his ear and smiles brightly when Juyeon starts laughing. It’s nothing new to Kevin that Eric has no fear of contact, not even remotely. Eric loves being all over the people he likes, holding hands, kisses on the cheek, sitting on others’ laps and so on. They all know it by now. But the way he dances with Juyeon seems a bit over the top, even for Eric. Watching them make out on the dancefloor would probably be easier to stomach than Eric’s mating dance or whatever the fuck it is. Kevin hopes he’s joking with it, overdoing it on purpose to get a laugh out of Juyeon. Though, to Kevin’s disgust, it does look like Eric is serious about it. Juyeon, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to mind that in the least, actually he appears to be enjoying it. Kinky bastard number two, huh? Juyeon has always been Eric’s partner in crime, he’s probably more used to Eric’s bullshit than anyone else in their group.

It makes sense, Kevin has to admit, that something is going on between them. He can’t put his finger down on what it is though. Right now, they mostly seem horny for each other. Or rather, Eric seems like he wants to take Juyeon somewhere quiet and rip his clothes off. It wouldn’t really surprise Kevin if it wasn’t just about getting into Juyeon’s skin tight pants though. They may not have known each other for as long as Kevin and Jacob, but they’re incredibly close. Eric always clings to Juyeon, tries to spend time with him, wants to team up with him whenever he gets the chance to, no matter how bad Juyeon may be at the game at hand. Yeah, Eric crushing on Juyeon definitely seems possible. The bigger surprise is that Kevin never realized that until now.

Before Kevin can ponder on that any longer, he spots Jacob and Jaehyun walking back towards their booth, looking a bit out of breath. From dancing. They’re out of breath from dancing. Nothing else. Hopefully. “Hey, did you see Eric and Juyeon?” Jacob whisper-shouts over the music as he slides into the bench next to Kevin. “You can practically feel the tension from here.” Jaehyun sits down next to Jacob and puts his arm around him before craning his neck to catch another glance of their friends on the dance floor.

“Yeah. Eric is going all out today.” Kevin tries to keep his eyes trained on Eric and Juyeon while downing nearly the rest of his drink. Their way too touchy-feely dancing is more pleasant to watch than Jacob and Jaehyun being a lovey-dovey couple. But obviously, Kevin cannot stop himself from looking at Jacob no matter how hard he tries. Maybe it’s Kevin’s imagination, but Jacob seems a bit tense. Is he simply exhausted? Or is he uncomfortable watching Eric and Juyeon like that? Or is it that sudden realization that he and Jaehyun were just like that a minute ago, making people wish they’d just get a room already.

“Do you think something is going to happen?” Jaehyun asks before sipping from his drink with an air of a high school girl sharing gossip with her besties.

Laughing, Jacob shakes his head and looks over to Eric and Juyeon once again. “Eric is going to need to be a lot more obvious than this. Juyeon will never take a hint if he doesn’t actually say it.”

Kevin knows two of that kind.

☀️🌙

I want to cover your sight

With thick darkness

So you can’t see him

And I can get brighter but

☀️🌙

☀️22nd of June, 19.25pm🌙

By now, Kevin has lost count of how often he’s fled after dinner with his friends just so he wouldn’t have to see Jacob and Jaehyun together. Being around them still feels weird. It’s been more than a month since they got together, and Kevin still feels like he’s stuck in the same place with his feelings. He hasn’t made a single step forward in terms of forgetting about Jacob even though that’s all he can think about, that he needs to finally let go off Jacob. Well, how could he when Jacob is right in front of him all the time, shining as bright as the sun and making Kevin feel warm and safe with just a smile.

Stop right there. No daydreaming about Jacob.

Listening to the soft happy love song currently reaching him through his headphones won’t help that resolution, so Kevin skips through his playlist until he finds something different and focuses on the sounds of the music rather than on Jacob. Better. A little at least.

Kevin looks at the beginning of his drawing while playing with the pencil in his hand. Initially, he wanted to draw Jacob, like so many times before, but how the hell is he going to explain that? Jacob always asks to see his drawing whenever he notices Kevin is working on something. No, Kevin absolutely cannot draw Jacob in any way that’s recognizable. Both because it would be weird to justify and because he doubts his weakened heart would be able to endure sketching Jacob’s beautiful face. However, he can determine that this little shadow of figure standing on a cliff in front of what’s going to be a star covered night sky is Jacob, at least in his mind. His fantasy is all he has when it gets to Jacob anyways.

Kevin flinches when he hears a yell next door that sounds like Jaehyun’ voice. At first, he thinks it was just a one-time thing. Maybe Jaehyun dropped something, it happens. But then he hears more yelling, first from Jaehyun and then from Jacob too. With his headphones in, Kevin can’t make out the individual words, but Jaehyun seems angry, which is weird. Jaehyun doesn’t usually get loud. He can be pissed off, sure, but it’s not like this. Meanwhile, the little Kevin can hear of Jacob’s voice sounds pleading and desperate. Are they… Are they heaving a fight? Kevin’s heart drops to the floor. He looks behind himself, to the wall separating his and Jaehyun’ room, even though he can’t see what’s going on. Poor Jacob. Fights are always horrible, but especially when it’s with a partner. Obviously, Jacob was bound to learn that lesson sooner or later, but Kevin wishes he could have spared Jacob from that. Despite not being able to make out the words properly, it hurts Kevin to hear the pain and anger in his friends’ voices.

When he can’t bear it any longer, Kevin turns back towards his desk and increases the volume of his music. It doesn’t drown out all the noise, but it will have to do. He tries to go back to his drawing, but his hand refuses to move. Not being able to hear Jacob and Jaehyun beyond a small grumbling doesn’t mean that Kevin doesn’t feel the stabbing pain in his chest any longer. Jacob deserves to be happy. He deserves to be loved and treasured. Kevin decided to hold back and keep his feelings to himself because he believed that Jaehyun would give him just that. Was he wrong? Or is this just his wishful thinking getting ahead of him? Is he making this fight out to be more than it really is because he wishes for Jacob and Jaehyun to break up so he’d have a chance with Jacob himself?

All his thoughts come to a stop when the door to Kevin’s room swings open and crashes into the wall. For some reason, Kevin expects Jacob and Jaehyun to rush in together, to start yelling at him and try to get him on their side. Oh god, he really does not want to get in a fight between two of his friends. But instead, only Jacob comes in, throws the door shut and storms straight towards Kevin’s bed. Kevin takes off his headphones and is met with utter silence. No yelling, no arguing, no crashing doors, nothing. Jacob has let himself fall onto Kevin’s bed and is just lying on it and staring at the ceiling while squishing one of Kevin’s pillows to his chest so hard it looks like it’s about to burst.

“Do you want to talk about it?” It’s weird. Kevin feels like he’s trespassing some unspoken rule by breaking the silence. Maybe he should leave Jacob alone, but Jacob did come into his room. So he must want some sort of support from Kevin, doesn’t he?

Jacob sighs sharply. His body is tense, his brows furrowed, jaw set. “No, not really.” Silence. Nothing but thick silence, though Kevin can see the initial hard front slip away from Jacob. He releases his grip around the pillow a little, looking down at it as he starts to fiddle with the pillow case. Eventually, Jacob speaks up in a low, hushed voice. “How much did you hear?”

“I had my headphones in. I didn’t understand anything.”

That answer seems to relax Jacob, if only a little. But now that the tension slowly leaves his body, the sadness becomes all the more evident. “I’m sorry for storming in like that, I just… I didn’t know where to go. Jaehyun doesn’t want to see me but I…”

“It’s okay, Jacob. You can always come to me, you know that.”

Jacob nods. It takes some more time until he turns his head to the side and looks at Kevin for the first time since barging into his room. “Kev, can you hug me please?” His voice sounds heavy as though Jacob might burst into tears any second.

“Of course.” Does Jacob really think Kevin could say no to him? Jacob’s eyes stay right on Kevin as he gets up from his desk, crosses his room and lies down on his bed, right next to his friend. Jacob immediately wraps his arms around Kevin’s waist and hides his face in Kevin’s chest. He’s done that countless times already. Kevin sighs and starts patting Jacob’s hair. Comforting Jacob after a fight with Jaehyun is really the last thing Kevin feels like doing, but that’s irrelevant right now. Jacob needs him. Everything else is second place.

Kevin’s heart gains another large crack when he realizes Jacob has indeed started crying. If Jacob had told him anything about the fight Kevin could at least try to comfort him with advice or some kind words. This way, all Kevin can do is lie still and powerless while his shirt soaks up Jacob’s tears. Kevin wants to cry right along with Jacob. His eyes are filling with tears, but he blinks them away, wanting to be strong for Jacob.

“I’m sure it will be okay,” Kevin tries in a desperate attempt to provide any kind of comfort while continuing to stroke Jacob’s hair. “Think about how many fights all of us had over the years. Remember that time Eric and Jaehyun didn’t talk to each other for a month? They still fixed it in the end. You two will get past this too, I’m sure of it.”

Jacob remains unhelpfully still. What could have possibly happened between him and Jaehyun? Sure, fights happen, but Jacob seems so heartbroken as though he fears this might be the end. Could that be? But what could be so bad that they break up after just one fight? Jacob said Jaehyun doesn’t want to see him, does that mean he did something wrong? Kevin honestly can’t think of anything bad Jacob could have done that would lead to this. Jacob would never cheat on Jaehyun, he doesn’t have a drinking or gambling or drug problem, he isn’t planning to move back to Canada, they cannot have fought over the possibility of having kids – Kevin is sure he can cross half the reasons people get divorced for off the list.

After a while – honestly, it felt like years with Kevin’s mind running crazy trying to figure out what might have happened to bring Jacob into this state – Jacob’s sobs quiet down and he slowly relaxes in Kevin’s embrace.

“Better?” Kevin whispers quietly, not wanting to startle Jacob too much. Rather than speaking, Jacob only nods quietly. Kevin ruffles his hand through Jacob’s hair. It pulls a little chuckle from Jacob’s lips, which isn’t much but at least a little start into the right direction. “I guess you’re planning to go talk to Jaehyun once you’ve calmed down?” Jacob nods once again. He never goes to sleep angry; it’s a wisdom he got from his grandma. Whatever Kevin and Jacob have fought about in the past, it was always settled by the evening of the same day. Even if it wasn’t for his grandma’s advice, Kevin doubts Jacob could hold a grudge for longer than a day. His big heart is one of the many things Kevin loves about Jacob.

“I’m not sure how though. I don’t want to go to him too early and risk getting right back into fighting…”

“Do you want me to talk to Jaehyun?” Maybe Kevin is stupid for making that offer. But he isn’t the kind of person who sits back and waits for his own selfish hopes to come true. No, if he can to anything to help Jacob and Jaehyun he’ll do it. Screw his feelings, he’s their friends above anything else.

For some reason, Jacob seems to think he’s being an idiot too, because he leans back abruptly. “No! I mean…” Jacob goes quiet and averts his gaze, only idly plays with the fabric of Kevin’s t-shirt that he’s still holding onto. “Kev, I don’t want you to get dragged into my mess.”

Dear lord, Jacob, get some sense of self preservation. He’s hiding in Kevin’s room and bawling his eyes out because of this fight, but he’s worried about Kevin? “Look, it’s basically impossible for me to not get dragged into this anyways so I might just as well try to help.”

Jacob lifts his head and simply stares Kevin in the eyes. For the better part of a second, Kevin forgets everything around them. It hurts to see Jacob so sad and drained with puffy, red eyes and messed up hair – though admittedly, the last part is Kevin’s fault. Kevin wishes he could take that pain away from Jacob. Even if it meant carrying that pain himself, he’d love to snap his fingers and fix this stupid fight so Jacob can be happy again. God, Kevin would do anything for this man.

“Jaehyun was really angry, you shouldn’t have to pay for my mistake.” Yes, he did sound angry – at least as far as Kevin could hear. Kevin doubts Jaehyun has ever gotten that loud in an argument. But Kevin would be damned if he let that stop him.

“Jake, we live together during exam seasons. We know how to handle each other at our worst.”

Still, Jacob continues to fidget with Kevin’s shirt, seeming to turn Kevin’s words over in his head. “If you really think it’ll help… Be careful though.”

“Do you want me to go right now?” Jacob shrugs, but Kevin decides to take it as a yes. The sooner he gets going the sooner will they be able to resolve this stupid fight. “Okay then, Kevin Moon at your service.” He leans over Jacob and places a – totally brotherly, what else would it be? – kiss on his forehead. It’s crazy how fast that makes Kevin’s heart beat, especially because Jacob smiles a little when Kevin backs away and gets up from the bed.

Standing in front of Jaehyun’ room feels weird. Usually when Jaehyun is in a bad mood, Kevin would just let him be alone until he’s calmed down and leaves his room by himself. This isn’t about Kevin though, it’s about Jacob. Kevin is here to end Jacob’s misery – wow that sounds wrong – and that’s what he’ll do. So Kevin knocks on the door.

“Go away, Jacob.” Fucking idiot. He’s got the sweetest guy on earth as a boyfriend and treats him like that? Man, Kevin will have to have a serious word with Jaehyun once this mess is settled.

“I won’t, Elsa.”

Silence.

Thundering steps.

The door swings open.

“Kevin?!” If looks could kill, Kevin would be a dead man. Jaehyun looks furious in a way Kevin hasn’t seen him throughout all the years they’ve known each other, including the almost three years of sharing an apartment. All thoughts of ‘maybe the fight wasn’t thatbad’ end right here. It must have been something big if both Jacob and Jaehyun are out of it like that, but Kevin still can’t piece together what it might have been.

In the end, Kevin ignores the death glare directed at him and makes sure to keep his voice as calm and easygoing as possible when speaking up again. “Yes, I live here.” Before Jaehyun could potentially send him away, Kevin pushes past him into his room. Great, he has successfully infiltrated foreign territory. Now onto the actual mission.

“What do you want?!” One could almost think Jaehyun blames Kevin for the fight judging by his aggressive reaction. Though Kevin has no idea how that could possibly be the case since he wasn’t even in the room. Either way, that’s not the point. He’s here to salvage Jacob and Jaehyun’ relationship.

“Look, I have no idea what you and Jacob fought about. It doesn’t matter to me. The question is: What does it matter to you?” Jaehyun opens his mouth, but stops himself. He seems like a drawn bow ready to snap and jump Kevin, but he listens. “Is this issue really worth fighting for? With Jacob? You love him, don’t you?”

Jaehyun’ jaw is set, his brows furrowed but still he stays quiet, seems to turn Kevin’s word over in his head. This is a good sign, right?

“And Jacob loves you. He is fucking miserable and I can tell you are too. Whatever you two fought about, is this really worth it?”

“I…” Jaehyun turns away, paces through the room. For that moment, Kevin doesn’t know what to expect in the least. Will Jaehyun calm down? Will he kick Kevin out? Will he run out the door and disappear? None of that happens. In the end, Jaehyun drops down to his bed, hides his face behind his hands and groans. With the sound, the tension seems to be pushed out of Jaehyun’ body. “Damnit, I screwed up, didn’t I?”

You’ve hurt Jacob so yes, of course Kevin doesn’t say that. It’s his highly opinionated I’ll-die-fighting-for-Jacob opinion after all. “That’s up for Jacob to decide.” Better. A lot more diplomatic.

It’s Jaehyun turn to look sad and defeated. His slumped shoulders make him way smaller than he actually as he silently shakes his head. This isn’t the same Jaehyun who screamed at Jacob couple of minutes earlier anymore. “I should have just talked it out with him instead of turning it into a fight. How could I lose my cool like that?”

“You can still do that now. He’s in my room, go talk to him.”

Jaehyun jumps up with a determination as though he’ll run straight through Kevin. Suddenly, Kevin finds himself wrapped up in a tight hug. “Thank you.” There he is, good old Jaehyun again without that stupid anger. Kevin pats Jaehyun’ back and sends him off with a hopefully convincing smile. Talking to Jaehyun was a lot easier than Kevin thought it would be. Hopefully they’ll be able to patch things up now.

Since he can’t go back to his own bedroom – unless he feels like witnessing the joyful reunion – Kevin goes to the kitchen, pours himself a glass of iced tea and tries to ignore the tears in his eyes and the aching splitting his chest in half.

☀️🌙

I’ll stay in one part of your world

Like a sun that rises in your night

I’m Down for your love

Down for your love My baby

Shining on you when your eyes are closed

☀️🌙

☀️11th of July, 9.16pm🌙

“Finally!” Jacob scolds him playfully as he tugs Kevin inside his apartment and gives him a hug. Dear lord, Kevin feels like this is the first time they’ve hugged in a century. Kevin slings his arms around Jacob, closes his eyes and melts into his warm body.

“Sorry, Jake, the bus simply drove off right in front of me and had to wait for the next one and my stupid phone-”

“It’s okay.” Jacob waves him off once he’s pulled away. “You’re here now.” He smiles with a fondness Kevin has missed dearly. It’s this kind of warm, glowing smile that Jacob only seems to have in their quiet moments alone and well, those have been more than rare lately. Kevin feels like agreeing to come here was worth it just to see that smile on Jacob again. He initially didn’t want to come for the usual reasons, but he has cancelled quite a few plans because of that already and didn’t want to be too obvious.

Besides, Jaehyun and Eric are already busy studying, each of them choosing to retreat to their respective rooms after their group dinner. A lonely Jacob pleading for company had been too much for Kevin’s Jacob-deprived heart to handle. So here he is in Jacob’s apartment, hoping that he’ll survive a movie night alone with Jacob.

For now, it’s chill enough. They settle in the living room and chat a bit while trying to decide on what movie to watch. Kevin jokingly suggests a horror movie and promises Jacob to cuddle him through it. Of course, Jacob turns that idea down. This goes back and forth for a while. They aren’t in the mood for anything too deep and Jacob doesn’t feel like watching some cheap comedy bullshit. In the end they settle for a – of course much more sophisticated – romance movie. Neither of them really pays it too any mind since it’s boring anyways. But it was kind of obvious to them that they were here for each other rather than the millionth story of a women falling for some dude who treats her like an asshole but becomes a good guy for her in the end.

They don’t even have a fixed topic as they talk. It’s about everything and nothing all at once. Even though they see each other nearly every day, it feels like they have a lot to catch up on, which would surprise Kevin if he wasn’t painfully aware of why things were that way. In a little moment of silence, Jacob sighs and closes his eyes while letting his head fall back onto the back rest. The lights of the TV flicker beautifully across his face. “I missed this,” Jacob says while opening his eyes again to look at Kevin. “I missed you.”

That much for surviving this evening. Kevin’s heart feels like it’s about to explode and cause a little firework right on Jacob and Eric’s couch. “I missed you too, Jakey.” Kevin tries his best to sound casual and joking, even though Jacob’s words make his skin tingle with happiness. Though the realization that his actions made Jacob feel like that hurts a little. He kept avoiding Jacob and bringing distance between them even though he would have rather spend every free minute with him.

“I’m sorry.” What the hell? What would Jacob be sorry for? It’s Kevin’s fault they haven’t had a chance to be alone in weeks. “I spent so much time with Jaehyun lately. We barely had the opportunity for stuff like this.” Oh… Does Jacob really think it’s his fault? He leans into Kevin’s side and cuddles into him. Despite his breath hitching a little, Kevin manages to stay calm on the outside and put his arm around Jacob. “I promise I’ll try to make more room for you from now on.”

Kevin absolutely doesn’t deserve Jacob. Even though Jacob trying to spend more time together with Kevin is the last thing Kevin needs to forget him, he can’t help feeling happy at the offer. “It’s okay, really, I mean he’s your,” he struggles with himself, “Jaehyun is your boyfriend.”

“And you’re my best friend!” Jacob insists. “Bros before hoes.”

Kevin can’t help a little laughter bursting out of him at that sentence. That’s certainly one way to put it. “Did you just call your boyfriend a hoe?”

Once the realization hits, Jacob starts laughing too. “Please don’t tell him that,” he chokes out in between fits of laughter. “You know how he gets, and I don’t think I can deal with a pouty Jaehyun during exam season.”

Recently, Kevin has realized something. Since the fight, Jacob doesn't talk about Jaehyun the way he used to anymore. He's stopped fawning over Jaehyun and singing praise to him every chance he gets. It's like the fight brought him back to the ground, which is weird because Jacob kept claiming it was his own fault. So why did it change his perception of Jaehyun? Did the fight simply end the honeymoon phase and remind Jacob that this is the same Jaehyun who came to a Halloween party wearing a fried shrimp costume when they were in high school? Or was it Jaehyun' reaction that put him off? Either way, something about them feels different to Kevin and it keeps his mind busy no matter how hard he tries not to dwell on it.

After the whole bro discussion, and Kevin reassuring Jacob that he isn’t going to tell Jaehyun about it, they fall into a comfortable silence, which Kevin is thankful for or he might have told Jacob that it is not him preventing them from spending time together. For a while, they even pay attention to that movie they’re supposedly watching together. At least a little. Kevin is hyperaware of the fact that Jacob never stopped leaning into him and is thus still pressed flush against Kevin’s side with his head resting on Kevin’s shoulder. Just great.

Jacob is warm. It’s impossible to ignore his body heat radiating onto Kevin. To be fair, Kevin isn’t sure if the reason he’s sweating is the warmth of Jacob’s body or the nervousness coming from being close to him like this. The most they’ve done lately is sit next to or across from each other. Right now, they’re bordering on cuddling. Kevin wants to pull back, find some reason to get up and eventually sit down with a safe, but normal, distance from Jacob. It would be smarter to do that, but when has Kevin ever been smart? In his defense, it’s not just because Kevin is touch-starved and desperate to feel Jacob after denying himself that for so long, but because just when Kevin is about to get up and ‘get himself a drink’, Jacob’s earlier words come to his mind: ‘I missed this. I missed you.’ They bounce through Kevin’s head like that DVD symbol that never hits the corner. Jacob missed their alone time, having fun with Kevin and probably their contact too. It may not mean the same to Jacob as it does to Kevin, but it’s important to him too. Kevin is important to him. How bad did things get with Kevin distancing himself for Jacob to actually miss him?

Kevin jumps a little when Jacob’s hand brushes over his thigh. It shouldn’t be a big deal between friends, but when you have a crush on your best friends and have been dreaming of getting into his pants for months, it kind of is. Plus, Kevin has an entirely different, for once not Jacob related problem. “Stop,” he giggles. “That tickles!”

“Oh?” That little hint of evil in Jacob’s voice makes Kevin a little nervous. “Are you that sensitive?” Suddenly Jacob lifts his hands as though he’s going to tickle him for real.

“No! Don’t you dare!” Kevin tries to pry Jacob’s hand off himself, but Jacob only laughs and reaches out once again. “Jacob! I swear to god!” Kevin wheezes as Jacob’s fingers brush over his side and backs away. Of course, Jacob follows him, still threatening to tickle him. Kevin decides that attack is the best defense and reaches out himself, but Jacob dodges his hands. Stupid jock. Kevin goes for it again and leaps at Jacob only to screech when they topple over. Kevin just barely catches himself on the edge of the couch before he could crash right into Jacob.

When Kevin’s takes in their new situation, the world stops spinning around the sun. Kevin’s heart beats so loud he can’t hear anything else over it. They’re close. He’s leaning right above Jacob, only keeping himself up with one hand on the armrest and the other right next to Jacob’s face. Kevin knows he should turn his head away, push himself up and laugh it off, like he always does, but he can’t. He just can’t. His stomach is full of butterflies, his skin is tingling. Kevin has always loved this excitement whenever he’s near Jacob, the rush of joy that comes with it. How is Kevin supposed to catch his breath like this? Since Jacob and Jaehyun have become a couple, Kevin has been trying so hard to stay away from Jacob, to keep a bit of distance between them exactly so he doesn’t get tempted to do anything like this. Now it feels like he’s catching up on months of missed intimacy in a single moment.

Jacob isn’t pushing him away.

The realization has a little smile pull the corners of Kevin’s mouth up. If Jacob was uncomfortable, he would have gotten Kevin off of him right away. But Kevin is still here, right on top of Jacob, close enough to count Jacob’s eyelashes. And Jacob doesn’t make a move to change it, almost like he missed this too even though it’s nothing they usually do. Is Jacob… is he looking at Kevin’s lips? Or is Kevin imagining things? What if Jacob is going to kiss him? Kevin wants it so bad it’s ridiculous. So many of his lonely moments have been lost to imagining just that. He unintentionally licks his lips and Jacob’s jaw drops ever so slightly before he closes his mouth again. Oh. So he was looking at Kevin’s lips. Their eyes meet. Jacob is staring at him. Electricity seems to fill the air. Eye contact shouldn’t be a big deal between them, but this feels a lot more intimate than anything Kevin has allowed himself the last few weeks. Maybe Kevin should feel nervous, but he loves being close to Jacob, having Jacob stare at him, having Jacob’s full attention. He feels like the center of Jacob’s world and he never wants this to stop. So much warmth and adoration lies in Jacob’s eyes. Maybe… maybe even love?

Kevin moves in closer. Jacob’s eyes follow Kevin. They jump from Kevin’s eyes, to his lips, to his eyes again. None of them dare to speak. Wanting to give Jacob the possibility to back out of this, Kevin stops just a breath away from Jacob’s face. This needs to be Jacob’s decision. Kevin needs to know Jacob wants this too. Every second of waiting feels like an hour. Oh dear lord, please just fucking let time flow normally. Jacob’s eyes are even prettier from up close. His gaze is soft as he continues to stare right into Kevin’s eyes. This is the same soft look he gave Kevin after they danced to Single Ladies, the same look he’s given so many times already. Yet this feel different, warmer, more intense, like a bright fire. Kevin’s breath hitches when he feels Jacob’s hands on his chest. He’s fully prepared to get pushed away, to give Jacob more space, to pretend none of this ever happened, but never in his life would he have imagined that Jacob would bury his hands in the fabric of Kevin’s shirt. He closes his eyes when Jacob pulls him closer.

Crash.

Kevin swirls around.

“Sorry!” Since when has Eric been here?! Kevin immediately scrambles backwards. Jacob tries to sit up. Kevin falls off the couch, lands on his butt. Time stops when their eyes suddenly meet again. Jacob is blushing hard and staring at him with a look of confusion and shock and maybe a hint of disgust. Shit. Just a few seconds ago, Kevin was lying on top of Jacob. He almost kissed him. Fuck. What was he thinking? Jacob is taken. He’s together with Jaehyun, with Kevin’s friend. How could Kevin lose control like that? He wanted to stay away from Jacob, he wanted to accept his relationship with Jaehyun, how did this happen?!

“Ah, it’s late already. I still need to do the laundry. See you tomorrow.” Very convincing. Congratulations, Kevin. Who is he trying to fool? Eric may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he can't possibly be that dumb. Regardless, Kevin jumps up from the floor and runs past Eric into the hallway. He already has his shoes on by the time Jacob comes after him. Kevin can’t look Jacob in the eyes while they say goodbye. He doesn’t dare to hug him either because Kevin doesn’t trust himself to let go afterwards. Even though he’s come to his senses now, a small, dark corner of his heart wishes he had the courage to surge forward and get that kiss they just almost had. He wants to grab Jacob by his cute cheeks and lean into his stupidly muscular body and feel Jacob’s hands on his hips and feel Jacob’s mouth on his own. No, damnit. He can’t do that. Jacob has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who is Kevin’s friend. Kevin can’t fucking do this to either of them. He hurries to slip out of the door before he can do anything stupid. Like kissing Jacob right in front of Eric without a single care for the world around them.

☀️🌙

I want to stay in the center of your world

Now I want to be that

I’m Down for your love

Down for your love My baby

A different me is awakening tonight

☀️🌙

☀️11th of July, 11.23pm🌙

Kevin swallows thickly when he sees light peaking out from underneath Jaehyun’ door. Obviously he’d still be up. Really, Kevin can’t think of anything worse than having to see Jaehyun right now. Oh god, please, Jaehyun, stay in your room. Kevin prays that Jaehyun hasn’t heard the door open, quietly gets rid of his shoes and sneaks towards his bed room. But of course, Kevin isn’t lucky enough to get spared. When he walks past Jaehyun’ room, the door opens and Jaehyun pokes his head outside. “Hi. Didn’t think you’d be back that early.”

Fuck. A couple of minutes ago Kevin wanted to make out with Jaehyun’ boyfriend and now he’s standing right in front of him. Kevin feels like the air around him is screaming, like a bright neon sign is hovering above his head warning Jaehyun of what kind of person he’s sharing an apartment with, how much of a traitor Kevin truly is. But none of that seems to be true. Jaehyun doesn’t magically know what happened, doesn’t jump Kevin to try and strangle him, doesn’t seem angry. If anything, Jaehyun looks tired after, allegedly, studying the past few hours.

“Eric kicked me out because we were too loud.” Kevin hates that he has to lie, but this is the only way he can go after the things he’s done, which makes him hate himself even more. He maneuvered himself into this dead end all by himself, he has nobody but himself to blame for how the situation he’s in now. If Eric hadn’t interrupted him he would have kissed his roommate and close friend’s boyfriend. How is he ever supposed to look Jaehyun in the eyes again? Or Jacob? Or Eric? Fuck, he’ll have to move in with Juyeon at this rate.

“Just wait until it’s your exam season, I bet Eric will be more than happy to get back at you.” Jaehyun has no idea what Eric is capable of doing to Kevin.

“Yeah probably. I’m going to bed now. I should use the opportunity to sleep while I still have the time. Good luck with studying.”

Jaehyun only gives a dry laugh. “Bold of you to assume I have the time to sleep. But thanks.” The door closes and Kevin is alone once again. Until now, he was able to somehow escape his thoughts, he had to go home, he had to unlock the door, he had to survive talking to Jaehyun. Now nothing is shielding him from his own mind anymore.

Bathroom.

He has to go to the bathroom, he has to get ready for bed. Yes, a bit more needed distraction for his brain.

Though just ten minutes later, Kevin is done and lying in bed. In a desperate attempt to think of literally anything but the happenings on Jacob and Eric’s couch, Kevin gets out his phone and circles from app to app to app, but his stupid brain refuses to play along. He isn’t registering anything flickering across his screen. Since there seems to be no way around it no matter how hard he tries, Kevin eventually tosses his phone aside and lets the thoughts clogging up his brain run free.

He almost fucking kissed Jacob. Kevin wished he could at the very least claim that the ‘almost’ part was his own doing but no, if it hadn’t been for Eric… Damnit, he had himself under control so well before. How could he get this carried away just because he and Jacob fooled around a little? Okay, no, it wasn’t just that. Kevin can almost still feel the heavy tension that was in the air when he and Jacob stared at each other. Things had never felt like that between them before.

Kevin closes his eyes as he relives those moment. He thinks about the warmth of Jacob’s body right underneath his own. Jacob’s eyes had held so much affection and dear lord he just wouldn’t stop staring at Kevin. Had Jacob ever looked at Kevin that way before? Kevin wrecks his brain, tries to dig up old memories and bring every time Jacob has ever looked at him to his mind. Yet he can’t seem to find anything as intense as today’s events. He wonders what that means. Was today a one-time thing? A minor slip up? Or was it the result of a long build up Kevin simply hadn’t noticed? The longer Kevin thinks about the, the more sense does it make. Since Kevin realized that he likes Jacob, he has never allowed himself to get this lost in looking at him, except maybe that one time at the club when he was tipsy. If Jacob happened to like him, he’d obviously keep himself in check too.

Or all of this is just in Kevin’s head.

But Jacob was going to pull him closer, Kevin is sure of it. He had had such a tight grip on Kevin’s shirt and Kevin could feel a bit of tug just before Eric had decided to test the concept of gravity with his water bottle. Against his better judgment, Kevin tries to imagine what could have followed. He thinks about their lips meeting, about holding onto each other as they continue kissing. How would Jacob touch him? Would he be shy and innocent about it? Or would he slowly grow bolder? Kevin choses to go for the later and imagines Jacob’s hands on his hips. They slowly move lower to cup Kevin’s ass, keeping their bodies firmly pressed together.

Kevin shifts a little in bed when his position gets uncomfortable and involuntarily lets out a little gasp. When did he start getting hard? He hesitates for a moment, but in the end his instincts win. Just like earlier on the couch. Kevin slips his hands down to touch himself while sinking deeper into his fantasy. They’re moving against each other, getting lost in their kisses. Kevin can feel the heat of Jacob’s body around him. He has no way to escape it. Jacob gasps against Kevin’s lips when Kevin grinds against him harder. Fuck, Jacob sounds so beautiful. Kevin could listen to him all day.

Jacob lets Kevin have his way for a while until flips them over so he’s on top of Kevin and lets his hands wander. They set Kevin’s skin on fire everywhere they touch. Kevin’s breath hitches when Jacob’s hand finally slip into his pants and start stroking him. “Jacob…” Jacob whispers sweet words Kevin’s brain cannot comprehend. Everything feels so hot, Jacob’s lips on his skin, his hand around Kevin’s dick. Kevin feels himself get close too for his own liking, but Jacob doesn’t let go, doesn’t stop, doesn’t let Kevin catch his breath.

“Jacob! Fuck-” Kevin gasps when he reaches his high, clutching at the cushion. Jacob keeps stroking him until his touch becomes too much to bear, almost painful.

As soon as the pleasure fades, Kevin crashes through the clouds, lands in his room and guilt starts to take over every bit of warmth he felt. This is exactly the reason he had set his mind to not getting off thinking about Jacob, which he had been semi-successful with until now. Jacob had briefly flickered across his mental eye, but it had been nothing like this. His fantasy had gotten so vivid. Kevin got far too caried away, so much that he- Oh no. Fuck, he moaned Jacob’s name. While Jaehyun is right next door.

Holy fucking shit, time to move back to Vancouver.

There’s no way in hell he can face neither Jacob nor Jaehyun again if Jaehyun heard that. Kevin hastily grabs a tissue from his nightstand to wipe the sticky mess off his hand before tucking himself back into his underwear and going out into the hallway. Kevin hasn’t sneaked through a hallway this quietly since he tried to sneak out of his room at midnight to go stargazing with Jacob. To his slight relief, Jaehyun has not stormed out of his room to stab Kevin with his pen, so maybe he hasn’t heard Kevin moan his boyfriend’s name while jerking off to some fantasy of him like a pathetic loser after all. You’ve got to celebrate the small victories in situations like this. Kevin quietly walks pasts Jaehyun’ room, to the bathroom to clean himself up properly.

If falling asleep seemed hard earlier, it’s impossible now. Kevin’s eyelids are heavy, and his body exhausted, but a hurricane of thoughts is sweeping through his brain while guilt, anger and self-hatred tie his stomach into a knot. It feels like Kevin may have made the worst mistake of his life today. Not just did he essentially reveal his feelings for Jacob, he also risked their friendship and obviously his friendship with Jaehyun too. Eric already knows. Juyeon wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him either once he found out what Kevin was going to do behind Jaehyun’ back. That much on moving in with him. Why would any of his friends still want to maintain a friendship with him after today? If he were them, Kevin wouldn’t trust himself either after what happened. Maybe he should just leave by himself before he puts himself through getting dropped by the most important people in his life.

☀️🌙

I want your dreams to come true

And I want to watch from by your side

So I’ll keep this distance

☀️🌙

☀️12th of July, 10.03 am🌙

Kevin idly pokes his cereal with the spoon. He really should have made himself a different breakfast, but obviously his body acted on its own, decided to betray him and made Jacob’s favorite food. It’s kind of fitting considering that Jacob has been living in Kevin’s mind rent free for months now and in the past few hours, he has broken out of his apartment and taken over the whole fucking building. Very meaningful. And Kevin can’t get himself to eat even a spoonful of this highly symbolic breakfast. In the end, Kevin can’t blame his mind for spinning around nothing but Jacob, because he’s been trying to keep his thoughts about Jacob down for so long, they were bound to burst out sooner or later. After the big explosion, they’re littered all over the place.

Since yesterday, he hasn’t heard a single word from Jacob. More precisely, he hasn’t heard from Jacob since Eric caught them almost kissing. Kevin would have gone for it if Eric hadn’t interrupted them, no doubt. But he spent most of last night lying awake wondering what Jacob would have done, if he would have kissed back or pushed Kevin away as soon as he realized what they were doing. Kevin isn’t sure which thought hurts more. As much as Kevin loved to entertain the idea of Jacob reciprocating the kiss while jerking off, the thought seems plain ridiculous without a hand around his dick. Why the hell would Jacob want to kiss Kevin when he has Jaehyun? Great, he hasn’t even had breakfast but the self-loathing has already begun.

As Kevin finally gets himself to at least eat a little of his breakfast, another question flashes up in his mind like a lightning strike. Would he still be able to keep his feelings in check for Jacob’s sake if they had kissed? Would holding back still be possible? In all honesty, Kevin doubts it. His heart is beating faster just from remembering the way Jacob looked at him and pulled him closer. If Jacob had kissed him, Kevin would never be able to forget it. Giving up on Jacob would have been basically impossible then. No, Kevin would have fought for them. A kiss would have been a sign that Jacob feels somethingfor him, wouldn’t it? A kiss would have changed things between them. A kiss would have been a start.

But they didn’t kiss.

Kevin will never know if Jacob would have gone for it if Eric hadn’t walked in on them and even less if Jacob would have regretted it afterwards. The thought that Jacob might consider kissing Kevin a mistake tears Kevin’s heart into shreds. He isn’t sure if he would have been able to handle Jacob rejecting him like that, after a kiss he seemed to want. Directly hearing that Jacob’s feelings for Jaehyun are stronger than whatever he feels for Kevin would be so much more painful than simply knowing that Jacob loves Jaehyun. But at the very least Kevin would have a final answer and could try to move on. This way he only knows that Eric’s timing is just as perfect at Jaehyun’ when it gets to keeping Kevin away from Jacob. He can’t even be mad at Eric though, because it was definitely better to stop for Jacob and their relationships. Even if the kiss hadn’t mean anything to Jacob, he would never have been able to keep something like that from his boyfriend. Hell, Kevin himself can barely look Jaehyun in the eyes out of guilt despite ‘only’ being his friend and despite no kiss taking place. It must be so much worse for Jacob and it would be hell if they had actually kissed.

He’d tell Jaehyun. That’s clear as daylight. Jacob would talk to Jaehyun because that’s just how he is. It would feel wrong for Jacob to keep it from his boyfriend, so he’d be honest with him. If Jaehyun found out about the almost kiss, he’d find out about Kevin’s feelings for Jacob too. Kevin doesn’t want to imagine the chaos that would be bound to break lose then.

The way Kevin knows his roommate, he doubts Jaehyun would be able to trust him any longer if he knew that Kevin kissed Jacob. Jaehyun would start second guessing everything about Kevin and Jacob’s relationship. Kevin can imagine the critical looks he’d get from Jaehyun every time he touched Jacob or came back from being alone with him all too well. Of course, Jaehyun would never try to keep them apart or anything, he isn’t an asshole, but Jaehyun isn’t shy to voice his concerns. Whether it was his intention or not he could end up making Jacob feel like he needed to be careful around Kevin. Even if Kevin tries to follow a more optimistic point of view in which Jaehyun doesn’t get overprotective of Jacob, the whole issue would cause tension, Kevin just knows it.

Kevin checks his phone for what must be the hundredth time since he got up. To be fair, Jacob just going back to normal as though nothing happened is probably the only thing that would be even more unnerving than radio silence. It’s not like Kevin expects him to solve this issue via text. That would be a dick move. No, Jacob would want to talk about this in person. In conclusion, not getting a text from him is a good thing.

Obviously, Kevin’s heart disagrees.

Not hearing a single word from Jacob is making Kevin feel so on edge. All the years of friendship don’t help Kevin one bit when trying to gauge Jacob’s reaction to yesterday’s mess. Jacob might get mad at him or distrust him now or he could laugh it off and put it aside as one of the many stupid things they have done or maybe Jacob doesn’t even understand what weight their almost kiss has for Kevin. After all, Kevin didn’t confess anything. But Jacob can’t be that dense, right? He has to know that Kevin wouldn’t do shit like that on a whim.

Time to check his phone again.

Still nothing.

After briefly considering to text Jacob first, Kevin sets his phone down further away from himself. He can’t do that. Well, technically he can, but he can’t do that. What would he even say? ‘Sorry for almost kissing you yesterday, I’ve been in love with you for a few months now and got overwhelmed because I thought you were staring at my lips’? Or more of a ‘Hey please don’t hate me for trying to kiss you even though you’re taken’? Or would ‘Do you want me to leave the country’ be better? All brilliant ideas. Kevin really should stay quiet. He knows where he stands on this whole issue and has probably, hopefully, made that fairly clear by, you know, fucking trying to kiss Jacob. Kevin loves Jacob and he wants more to happen between them, but he’d say yes to anything Jacob offers him even it was ‘Let’s stay friends.’

Contrary to Kevin, Jacob’s standpoint is more than unclear since he did pull Kevin in for the kiss whether it was a heat of the moment decision or not. So it’s Jacob who needs to figure what he thinks of yesterday’s events and what he wants to do about it. Especially because his relationship is kind of at stake in this mess, which is probably a very dramatic thoughts for Kevin to have considering that they did not actually kiss. Yes, he has thought that exact thing a thousand times by now and he will probably think it many more thousands of times. They did not fucking kiss.

Anyways. Regardless of what exactly happened, Jacob is in the center of this mess and he is the one who needs to make a move. It has to be up to him how they deal with all of this. In the end, everything he can do is wait and hope that he has some sort of future with Jacob, romantic or not.

☀️🌙

Every night, down for you

I’ll wait in the darkness

You shine, I’ll wait for you

☀️🌙

☀️15th of July, 11.24am🌙

Kevin paces up and down the living room. After four days of complete silence, which is the longest they’ve ever went without talking to each other in any way, Jacob had finally texted him. He hadn’t mentioned the almost kiss in any way, hadn’t said what he decided on regarding the incident or even if that was actually what he wanted to talk to Kevin about. His message had been plain and simple: “Can I come over?” Can he be any more vague? If Jacob is aiming at sending Kevin into a nervous breakdown he’s being rather successful. Kevin has been losing his mind since Jacob said that he was on his way.

He hasn’t felt like this much of a train wreck since Eric asked to talk to him the day after the fateful evening on Jacob’s couch. Kevin’s mind had run crazy with worst case scenarios, especially since Eric had asked him to meet up at Juyeon’s place. Rather than a ‘bros before hoes’ lecture or getting beaten up – not like Eric and Juyeon would be capable of that – Kevin was met with Eric, only Eric, listening to his side of the story and wanting to know what it all meant to Kevin. A whole brick wall of weight was taken off Kevin’s shoulders when he realized Eric didn’t think he was some horrible monster for harboring feelings for his friend’s boyfriend. Actually, he seemed surprisingly understanding for Kevin’s situation. In the end, Eric promised to stay out of the whole issue, since he believes it’s something Kevin, Jacob and Jaehyun need to settle it among themselves.

Apparently Jacob has settled it. Considering that Jaehyun left for Jacob’s place and didn’t come home last night, Kevin has a fairly solid idea of what he’s going to hear once his best friend arrives. Jacob is going to tell him that he’s sorry that almost kiss ever almost happened, that he and Jaehyun talked it all out and had a good laugh – and probably more, but Kevin doesn’t want to think about that right now – and that he hopes they can continue their friendship the way it was before, as though nothing ever happened. It’s all really clear, isn’t it? A small serving of heartbreak for Kevin so they can all move on from this mess and pretend Kevin doesn’t feel like his heart gets ripped out every time Jacob kisses Jaehyun.

A knock on the front door has Kevin stop his nervous marathon in front of the TV. Here goes nothing. He jogs towards the door and takes a deep breath to steady himself before opening it. Usually, it feels like a ray of sunshine is sitting behind Jacob’s smile whenever they meet. Today, not even the smallest spark fills Jacob’s expression. This way, he looks like a completely different person. Jacob only gives the empty hint of a smile while greeting Kevin, but it stays night in his eyes. Even their short hug feels unusually cold. Are things always going to be this icy between them from now on?

They walk into Kevin’s room in silence. The tension between them feels like a thick, suffocating fog filling the air. Kevin can barely breath. He doesn’t trust his thoughts to stay on track if he was to sit down on his bed next to Jacob, so Kevin decides to keep a bit of safe distance between them and pulls his desk chair closer and sits down across from him. It feels isolating, like some higher power is forcing this space in between them as a punishment for what they were about to do the last time they got too close.

“Okay so…” Jacob fiddles with the hem of his shirt, fiddles with his words. Should it make Kevin feel better or worse about his approaching heart break that Jacob seems to be just as much of a wreck as he is? “I have no idea how else to say this, so I guess it’s easiest not to beat around the bush.” Kevin simply nods and braces himself for the worst. Don’t think, just don’t think about it. He can’t change Jacob’s decision anyways. He promised himself he’d accept whatever Ja- “Jaehyun and I broke up.”

That is not what Kevin had been preparing himself for.

Kevin holds his breath as he stares right at Jacob. Did he just hear that right? That can’t be. Why the hell would Jacob and Jaehyun break up? They love each other. They wouldn’t break up just like that, right? Is this a joke? Kevin waits for a smirk from Jacob, a laugh from the closet, a dude with a camera revealing it was a prank. Anything. None of that happens. Everything stays silent.

Jacob is serious.

Oh fuck.

The realization feels like being hit by Chuck Norris on Ecstasy. Jacob and Jaehyun aren’t a couple anymore. A thousand new questions start swirling through Kevin’s head, pushing back the ones he’s had the past few days. Who of them decided to break up? Was it a mutual decision? Did something happen? Did Jacob tell Jaehyun about the almost kiss? Was that the reason they ended their relationship? Is it Kevin’s fault? Would Jacob and Jaehyun still be together if Kevin hadn’t tried to kiss Jacob? Did he get them apart?

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Truth be told, Kevin doesn’t know if he means it. With the explosion of various emotions and thoughts inside him, he can’t seem to catch any of them long enough to know how he feels. Obviously, he never wanted Jacob and Jaehyun to suffer, but he can’t deny that he did want their relationship to end. Though ideally, that would have happened on good terms with no hard feelings involved because both of them realized they fell out of love and mutually agreed to end things. One has to have dreams. Though when Kevin looks at the pile of misery sitting on his bed, he kind of doubts his ideal fantasy is the case. Jacob looks horrible. Kevin can only guess that he hasn’t slept for the best part of last night. He’s obviously stuck in his head and his shoulders seem heavy with sadness or anger or guilt, Kevin can’t tell. And here Kevin was thinking that it was because Jacob felt bad about having to break Kevin’s heart when it’s actually his own heart that’s broken.

“It’s… It was for the better.” That low, crestfallen voice doesn’t even sound like Jacob. Having Jacob tell Kevin that he doesn’t feel the same for him would have hurt less than seeing his little sunshine this broken and sad. “I mean it’s going to be hard for a while, but I think staying together would have just made it worse.”

“I don’t get it,” Kevin admits after another moment of silence. He has still so many questions he has no idea where to start. “I thought you two-”

“Please,” It’s so unlike Jacob to cut him off mid-sentence, “don’t. Just leave it be, okay? It is what it is and I really do not want to talk about it. I just… I wanted you to know.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Jacob sounds so heartbroken. Kevin wants to hug him and comfort him and tell him it’s going to be okay eventually. That even if they didn’t work as a couple, he and Jaehyun can still be friends like they used to. At the same time, Kevin figures he’s the last person who should be doing that. He’d feel like a hypocrite being the one who potentially got them apart. Still, Jacob is his best friend and Kevin needs to be there for him. “Do you need anything?”

At first, Jacob seems hesitant to say anything. His gaze on Kevin is heavy. For once, Kevin kind of wants to look away, break their eye contact. Something behind Jacob’s gaze is making Kevin’s heart run a marathon, but Kevin can’t place what it is. Usually, he’s pretty good at figuring out what’s going on with Jacob, how he feels and what thoughts go through his head. But today, Kevin can’t seem to decipher anything. It’s like trying to find the sun behind a sky full of rain clouds. The worst part is that Kevin can’t even figure out whether it’s his own fault or if Jacob is closing himself off on purpose. Could it be that Jacob is hiding something from him? They usually tell each other everything, why is this different?

“A hug would be great.” This is probably the first time Kevin feels reluctant to fulfil that request. What if all of this is his fault? Is it possible that Jaehyun broke up with Jacob because they almost kissed? And Jacob is simply too nice to tell Kevin that he’s responsible for everything? But Jacob wouldn’t ask for a hug if he held a grudge against Kevin, would he?

Despite the thousands of questions raging inside of Kevin, he eventually sits down next to Jacob, who immediately falls into his side and hides his face in the crook of Kevin’s neck. Kevin brings one arm around Jacob’s body and runs the other through his hair, hoping to sooth him a little. Among all the stressful, emotional or upsetting situations Kevin has seen Jacob in, it has never been like this. Obviously, the wounds are still fresh if they only broke up yesterday, but Kevin can’t quite grasp how things suddenly got this bad.

“I’m a terrible person…” Kevin almost misses those words, but when he registers them, they pierce straight through his heart. What the hell brought Jacob to that conclusion? Romantic feelings aside, Jacob is the most caring and warm-hearted person Kevin knows.

“You’re really not and I’m not just saying this as your best friend, Jakey.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew the details.” Well, there’s no way Kevin can convincingly argue against that while still not knowing the details. Other route.

“Look, it takes two people – or more, whatever you’re into, man – to have a relationship.” Somehow, Jacob doesn’t seem to appreciate Kevin’s comment in the least. Usually, they’d help a little and make Jacob crack a little smile even if he was in a bad mood. Fuck, things must have gotten really nasty with that break-up. “It takes at least as many to end one. You can’t put all the blame on yourself if you two didn’t work out.”

“Jaehyun didn’t do anything wrong though. It’s me, I-” Kevin can hear Jacob swallowing back tears. “It ismy fault, Kev. I should have stayed away from-” Then the tears break out regardless of how hard Jacob tries to hold them back. Kevin pulls Jacob against himself and lets Jacob cry into his shoulder while trying to find the right words to comfort Jacob. It doesn’t take long until tears are streaming down Kevin’s face too, but he hastily wipes them off and puts his entire focus on comforting Jacob. God knows he needs it.

☀️🌙

I can see the end

I’m circling around you with no rest

Some day

I’ll stand in front of you

☀️🌙

☀️16th of July, 1.47pm 🌙

Jacob stays at Kevin’s place only long enough to catch his breath and dry his tears. It feels a little weird, but Kevin can understand that Jacob wants to be alone now. By the time Jacob leaves, Kevin feels drained and exhausted. Seeing your best friend and crush bawl his eyes out does take its toll on you. But he can’t worry about that now. First things first. Once Jacob is out the door, Kevin pulls his phone from his pocket and calls Jaehyun. He just needs to make sure Jaehyun is alright. Since he obviously didn’t spend the night at Jacob’s place, he must have gone somewhere else. But where could he have been? Maybe a hotel? Why the hell would he do that though instead of just coming home? Hopefully he wasn’t in some bar drinking his problems away by himself. Kevin’s phone is still peeping, waiting for the call to connect. Just when Kevin thinks he’s going to get redirected to the mailbox, Jaehyun picks up with a worn out and meagre. “Hi.”

“Man, where have you been? I’m worried.”

“I was at Juyeon’s place.” Thank fucking god, he didn’t sleep on a bench in the park or something. Though Kevin does wonder how Jaehyun ended up at with Juyeon rather than coming to Kevin in their own apartment. “I’m actually on the bus right now. We’ll talk when I’m home, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. See ya.”

“Yeah bye.” That sure was a lovely conversation. Jaehyun has never been this abrupt with Kevin. And he sounded exhausted. Well, it’s not really surprising. Kevin guesses Jaehyun slept rather little last night if Jacob broke up with him in the evening. Before Jacob came over, Kevin thought he had spent his night at Jacob’s place and staying up for a whole different reason. It looks like he couldn’t have been further away from the truth. Hopefully Jaehyun is okay. Break-ups that creep up on you are always nasty and you’re bound to feel like it’s your fault, like you did something wrong, like you should have paid more attention and realized sooner. Jacob is the prime example for that.

True to his words, Jaehyun arrives at their apartment just a couple of minutes later. Since Kevin figures Jaehyun might need some space, he decides not to come out into the hallway to greet him. Instead, he waits in the living room until Jaehyun comes to him on his own accord.

Well, he waits for quite a while. Apparently Jaehyun’ first priority is taking a shower. Kevin can’t blame him if he spontaneously slept over in Juyeon’s place. So he stretches out on their couch with his phone and tries to keep himself busy as he listens to the sound of running water. After what feels like hours – someone please tell Kevin that Jaehyun did not jack off in the shower while he was waiting – Jaehyun comes trudging into the living room in a fresh, white shirt and a black pair of shorts. But the Jaehyun in front of Kevin is nothing like the usual soft post-shower Jaehyun with his contagious, blinding smile as he dries his messy hair. Jaehyun’ shoulders a slumped and his expression blank, more like an empty shell than the actual guy.

“Hey there.” Kevin hastily sits up to make room on the couch.

“Hey…” Jaehyun reluctantly sits down with some distance to Kevin. Wow, this is almost as awkward as when Jacob first came over. Somehow, Jaehyun seems small like with the way he’s sitting all stiff with his hands in his laps. It’s as though he might shrink and run out of his shirt’s sleeve to escape this situation. “I guess Jacob already told you?”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, man.”

Jaehyun turns around and studies Kevin’s face. It feels weird to say the least, being watched like that. In a way, it seems like Jaehyun is looking for something. What exactly he could be searching for, Kevin isn’t sure. All Kevin knows is that he feels relieved when Jaehyun sighs and bridges the distance between them by leaning into Kevin’s side. “It's okay, I guess. I mean it hurts, obviously. But I… I saw it coming.”

Did they have problems? Beyond Kevin suddenly trying to kiss Jacob that is. They never seemed like they had any serious issues. Would Jaehyun really behave like this if Kevin was the reason he and Jacob broke up? Wouldn’t he be angry?

“You two seemed so happy though.” Kevin would know with how much he’s watched them and wished he’d be in Jaehyun’ place instead.

Jaehyun rubs his arm. Kevin watches the slow movement from the corner of his eye. “We were. But it felt different after that one fight.”

The fight? Jaehyun can’t be for real, right? That was like a month ago? How is that responsible for their break-up? “Don't tell me you broke up because of that little fight?”

“No! No of course not, but…” When Jaehyun sighs it sounds frustrated like he’s angry with himself for not knowing how to express himself. His hands have dropped down, this time into Kevin’s lap, and he has started playing with the fabric of Kevin’s shorts. It's obvious he's thinking hard and trying to choose his words very carefully. Though it’s not quite as intense, Kevin feels like earlier with Jacob, like he can’t really read Jaehyun. What is it about their breakup that they both seem to hide? “The fight and our break-up are both rooted in the same problem. I don't want to go into too much detail. So let's just say it seemed small at the time, but Jacob and I both underestimated how big the issue actually was.”

Since Jaehyun seems just as determined as Jacob to not revealing anything, Kevin decides to drop the topic. Instead, he focuses on comforting Jaehyun, which involves cuddling Jaehyun, ordering fried chicken for both of them, cuddling, eating aforementioned fried chicken while watching Iron Man, did Kevin mention cuddling? A sad Jaehyun is a clingy Jaehyun. During Iron Man 2, they devour nearly all the ice cream supplies they had in their freezer. Obviously, the whole he anti-heartbreak-program can’t make miracles happen, but by the end of it, Jaehyun looks a little more like himself again. He still seems a bit shaken, but at least that little sparkle has returned to his eyes. Kevin hopes he can ease the pain somehow by simply being there for Jaehyun, he’ll spend every afternoon cuddling Jaehyun and watching Marvel movies with him for the next few months if he has to.

That night, it’s Kevin who can’t sleep for the life of him. Jacob and Jaehyun broke up. That sentence echoes through his mind non-stop. Kevin feels like a huge asshole because that information makes him smile a little despite everything. But really, he cannot help it. For so long he has wished that he could be honest with Jacob. Now that Jacob is free, he’s starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Even if Jacob doesn’t feel the same for Kevin, at least they’d both know what’s going on. Kevin could have never confessed while Jacob was in a relationship, especially not if his partner was one of Kevin’s closest friends.

Despite his own wishes, he does feel bad for Jacob and Jaehyun too. Kevin never wanted for either of them to get hurt, but that didn’t work out. Well, obviously he doesn’t want Jacob to get hurt. The same goes for Jaehyun though. They may be in love with the same person, which sucks as soon as it’s anything beyond a little celebrity crush, but Jaehyun means a lot to Kevin. He’s a nuisance at times, but he’s an amazing person full of love. Jaehyun deserves to be happy, to be with someone who can give as much love as he offers.

Jacob couldn’t do that.

The thought feels strange, but it’s the only explanation, isn’t it? Jaehyun and Jacob were happy with each other just a few days ago. They didn’t fight, beyond that one time, they didn’t hit a sudden rough patch or anything like that. The only thing that has happened now is that Kevin and Jacob almost kissed. Or is that the reason they broke up? Kevin doubts Jaehyun would lose his cool over a kiss that didn’t happen, he’d be upset, sure, but he wouldn’t end a relationship over something so minor. No, that can’t be what happened. Either Jacob was the one to end things or… Or he gave Jaehyun a different reason to break up.

Though no matter how much Kevin wrecks his brain, he can’t seem to make any sense of the situation. In the end, Kevin pushes all that aside, tries to clear his brain and sleep. Yeah, he actually thought that might work. But obviously, as soon as his head is empty, Kevin thinks back to the way Jacob looked at him that night on the couch. Jacob stared at his lips back then. If anything, Kevin is sure of that. Kevin’s heart beats faster and his hands are getting sweaty just thinking about it. Jacob seemed so captivated… And then there’s the way he grabbed Kevin’s shirt and pulled him closer. Kevin feels a little dizzy from the memory. He closes his eyes and imagines what could have come next: Jacob’s lips on his own, warm and soft, Jacob’s hands holding onto him, Kevin’s hands sinking into Jacob’s hair, their bodies melting together.

Fuck.

Kevin rolls into himself as warmth floods through his body. He wishes Jacob was here now. Spending half a day cuddling Jaehyun doesn’t mean he doesn’t wish he could cuddle with Jacob now. Kevin wants nothing more than to confess to him and kiss him – if Jacob wants that too – and hold him close until Jacob forgets about the pain of the breakup. He kind of wants to jump out of his bed and run to him right now. Screw the cold and the bit of rain currently pouring down. Confessing on Jacob’s doorstep while being drenched from the rain would be kind of romantic, wouldn’t it? Any romance movie protagonist’s heart would melt.

Now that the way is free, Kevin can’t wait for Jacob to know the truth. But he wills himself to stay right where he is. After all this time, his confession shouldn’t be rushed and messy. And he definitely doesn’t want for Jacob to be overwhelmed by it, which would definitely be the case if Kevin barged in with his feelings right after Jacob’s break-up. His plan may not have worked out last time, but that isn’t going to stop Kevin. This time, he’s going to have the right timing and make things perfect for Jacob.

☀️🌙

Should I go to you right now

And flip your world over?

A new sun will rise, you’re gonna love it

☀️🌙

☀️11th of August, 6.03 pm🌙

“Over here!” Kevin waves when Jacob comes into sight. Smiling, Jacob picks up his pace and hurries towards Kevin’s table. His hair is a bit disheveled and his cheeks a bit red from running in the summer heat and Kevin feels like the cutest human being in existence is standing in front of him.

“Sorry, my bus was late.”

“Don’t worry about it.” A light smile plays over Kevin’s face as Jacob sits down across from him. “I already ordered, by the way. Our drinks should be here in a minute.”

“You’re the best.” Jacob beams like a ray of sunshine and Kevin’s heart absolutely does not a skip a little beat, he’s not some stupid teenager. Except Jacob makes him feel like just that. And his heart absolutely did skip a beat. Yeah, Kevin can be a basic bitch when it gets to Jacob. “Sooo what exactly is the plan for today?”

Of course Jacob keeps digging, Kevin knew this would happen. It’s a good thing he’s coming prepared and determined not to give in. “I told you it’s a surprise. Just sit back and relax, man.”

“Stop making me so curious!” Jacob whines. “I’m here already just tell me what it is!”

Wow, Jacob’s pleading actually tempts Kevin to reveal all his plans right then and there. He’s resolved to keeping them a secret for now though, letting them unfold step by step as their evening progresses. “Just a hint.” Kevin is one weak man. Rather than speaking up though, he pulls out the car keys from his pocket and sets them down on the table between them.

A confused Jacob follows the movement of Kevin’s hand with his eyes and frowns a little as he looks down at the keys. “You rented a car?”

“Only the best for my Bae,” Kevin explains with a grin and stuffs the key back into his pocket. The little hint doesn’t seem to have satisfied Jacob’s curiosity though. If anything, seeing the car key only gave Jacob even more stuff to wonder about.

“But what do we need a car for? Are we leaving the town? Where are you taking me?”

“Wait and see, Jakey.” Before Jacob can ask even more questions, their milkshakes arrive. Thank god. With those puppy eyes Jacob is currently giving him, Kevin might have actually caved and revealed more than just the car he rented for a day. Nobody in their friend group has been blessed with enough money to own a car. Though luckily, Eric knows someone who knows someone who knows the owner of a car rental and pulled some strings to get Kevin the car for a fairly good price. The car isn’t anything fancy, but it will serve its purpose.

Thanks to the distraction brought to them by their drinks, Jacob seems to have lost track of their earlier topic completely, giving Kevin the opportunity to start a new one. “So how was shopping with Jaehyun yesterday? He was so tired when he came home, I didn’t even get to investigate him.” Kevin sighs dramatically and wipes a fake tear away from the corner of his eye.

“Honestly? It was chill. Kind of like we were back to normal again. We got him a fancy new outfit for his date on Saturday.” Jacob smiles while playing with the lid of his milkshake. “You have no idea how relieved I am that he’s very officially moving on now. This feels like a clean cut.”

Oh, Kevin definitely does know how relieved he is, not just because Kevin feels the same kind of relieve that Jacob and Jaehyun’ relationship isn’t a topic anymore. The past weeks have been challenging for all of them. When they broke up, Jacob and Jaehyun both decided that it would be better to keep a bit of distance for a while, which wasn’t a problem most of the time except for their daily group dinner. It had been weird as fuck to split that up. Kevin had decided to stick with Jacob – duh – while Juyeon an Eric had dinner with Jaehyun.

The worst part about it had been seeing Jacob. Kevin had expected Jacob’s first breakup to be bad. He had counted on crying, demanding hugs, movie nights with tons of ice cream and unreasonable online purchases. Never in a million years had Kevin expected for Jacob to silently blame himself. For some reason – Kevin can only speculate since, to this point, neither Jacob nor Jaehyun have told anyone why exactly they broke up – Jacob seems to think that the end of their relationship is his fault. The break-up itself doesn’t seem to have taken a toll on him as much as apparently breaking Jaehyun’ heart has.

Luckily, things eventually got better. When Jacob and Jaehyun were okay with seeing each other again – or rather when Jaehyun was okay with seeing Jacob again, Kevin still can’t wrap his head around how almost unaffected Jacob had seemed and how he had only been concerned about Jaehyun’ boundaries – they had gone back to their usual group dinners. A bit of awkwardness couldn’t be denied in the beginning, but with Kevin and Eric in one room the atmosphere couldn’t stay tense for too long. Since then, they’ve been on a fairly good path. Jacob and Jaehyun’ now platonic relationship is slowly returning to its old normal before all the stuff Kevin would rather not think about in too much detail happened. It doesn’t matter that much, but Kevin has slowly been getting better about the whole issue too. He’s processing the pain of the past months, the guilt from feeling relieved and maybe even happy that Jacob and Jaehyun aren’t a couple anymore and making the resolution that brought him here today: finally being open and honest with Jacob. He isn't doing this in hopes of a happy every after with Jacob. Kevin is going to confess so this stupid hiding and secret keeping finally comes to an end, which doesn't mean that he isn't going to put his entire heart into it and hope for the best.

Kevin and Jacob fall into comfortable chattering as they sip their milkshakes. They talk about the cute girl their beloved disaster bisexual Jaehyun is going on a date with, about the way Juyeon and Eric seem to be even more attached by the hip than they already were – Kevin is honestly glad he isn’t the only one who noticed, he’s been feeling a bit paranoid about that – and so on. It’s nice. Kevin feels like it’s been way too long since they’ve had something like this. Kevin had avoided being alone with Jacob during his relationship with Jaehyun and their dinners afterwards had been overshadowed by the break-up. The few weeks since then, have been dedicated on mending the cracks the whole issue had ripped into Jacob and Jaehyun’ friendship. As a result, this feels like the first relaxed ‘date’ Kevin has had with Jacob in months.

When it’s slowly nearing seven, Kevin nudges Jacob up to leave. Their milkshakes are long since finished anyways and they need to get going. Despite Jacob’s mild protests, Kevin pays for both their drinks. This is supposed to be a date after all. An actual date. Of course, Kevin doesn’t tell Jacob that, he just talks some crap about today being about spoiling Jacob a little, which is true in a way. It’s simply not all there is to it. Kevin is well aware that starting to be honest with Jacob by not being completely honest to him is not ideal, but he wants to do this his way. Jacob is special, he deserves to be treated that way. Especially before confessing to him.

Once in the car, Jacob obviously starts asking questions again. Kevin stays silent, figuring that Jacob will be smart enough to connect the dots as soon as he notices what direction they’re driving into. When Jacob gasps, Kevin knows he the penny has finally dropped and starts to smile.

“You’re taking me out for Korean BBQ?”

“Five points for Gryffindor!” Kevin chuckles when Jacob grins and squeals in delight. Now that he knows where they’re going, Jacob is bubbling with excitement. Kevin wonders when Jacob apparently learned the entire menu by heart because he’s already pondering on what he’s going to order. Every now and then, Kevin throws in suggestions to keep the fire alive. This excitement is exactly the reaction Kevin hoped for when picking the restaurant. It’s one of Jacob’s favorites after all.

The food is amazing as always. This time, Kevin tells Jacob that he’s planning to pay in advance and warns Jacob not to hold back. Luckily, Jacob listens and orders to his heart’s content. The atmosphere is a lot better than it was during the solo dinners at Jacob’s apartment, which was to be expected since things have relaxed since then, but Kevin still feels relieved. The way until here had been tough, admittedly not quite the hell watching Jacob and Jaehyun had been. But a special kind of pain comes with waiting for the right moment when no hard facts are stopping you from doing what you’ve wanted to do for months. The wait ends today. Or tomorrow. Depending on whether they get there before or after midnight. Either way: Kevin is sure he has waited long enough. Jacob and Jaehyun have processed their break-up, they’ve moved on, they’re friends again. Hopefully, that means Jacob is ready to be confessed to without things getting too much for him. And if Jaehyun was to find out about Kevin’s feelings, he wouldn’t take it badly anymore. Hopefully.

After the fairly long stay at the restaurant and Kevin pointedly ignoring the silent crying of his bank account, they go back to the car. The pale light of the moon makes Jacob look stunning. Okay, so does sunlight, but this still feels special. Jacob looks like an actual angel with his gentle smile and the soft glow of his skin. “Your place or mine?” Jacob asks as they cross the parking lot. The little joke releases a swarm of butterflies in Kevin’s stomach. He’d love to jump onto that and confess already, kiss Jacob silly and spend the rest of the night at Jacob’s place, but his plan isn’t over yet.

“Neither.”

“Hm? You booked a hotel?” Jacob wiggles his eyebrows. Behind his playful answer, Kevin does notice that Jacob seems a bit confused. He’s not going to get an answer though, not yet at least. This part is the closest to an actual surprise Kevin can have since Jacob already knew the restaurant.

“Sorry, I’m way too broke for that. But I still have some low-budget activity planned.”

Apparently, Jacob isn’t satisfied with that answer, because he stops in front of the car door, turns around and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Maybe that makes Kevin stare at said chest for a moment. Mind your own business. “Where are you taking me?” Kevin takes a step closer. He has no idea where he got the courage for that because now he’s right in front of Jacob, much like he was back then on the couch. Now, he has a bit more self control though.

“Get in the car and I’ll show you.” Did that sound seductive? Kevin hopes it did. But then again, hopefully not too much. He isn’t sure how much flirting is okay with your best friend and crush you’re planning to confess to. Nobody gives you any guidelines for stuff like that.

“I want an answer first.” Jacob can’t hold back a little smile from cracking through his cover. He wouldn’t refuse to get in the car if Kevin didn’t tell him, but Kevin indulges him.

“I’m not going to tell you though.”

“Then I’m not coming with you.” That little shit. Kevin almost gives in. Jacob’s teasing and his playful smile and that twinkling in his eyes are too much to handle. Before Kevin can lose control, pin Jacob against the car door and kiss him, he turns around and walks to the other side of the car.

“In that case, have fun walking home.” Jacob’s door opens before Kevin’s does. Kevin is grinning like an idiot when a slightly pouting Jacob greats him from the passenger seat. He leans over the center console and boops Jacob’s nose before starting the engine. It’s a good thing the route to their destination isn’t all that difficult, so Kevin was able to memorize it and doesn’t have to rely on navigation now. Though he kind of doubts the location they’re heading to would have helped Jacob much with figuring out Kevin’s plan.

Since it has gotten pretty late, the drive is rather quiet, both in and outside the car. Jacob seems to have realized asking and batting his eye lashes isn’t going to get him anywhere. Instead, he’s apparently opting for closely observing their surroundings, looking at street names and other hints for where they’re heading. It’s only when they reach the outskirts of the city that Jacob speaks up again. “You know I was joking about going out of town, right?”

“I wasn’t.” Kevin throws a quick smile towards Jacob before focusing on the road again.

“Kev, where are we going?” The hint of a laugh accompanies Jacob’s words, but Kevin can hear the confusion leaking out between them.

“You’ll see when we’re there.”

“You can’t do this to me!” Jacob whines. “I’m sitting in a car at night and have no idea where we’re going. This is how horror movies start.” For someone who can’t watch horror movies for the life of him, Jacob does have a point. If Kevin was in his spot and somebody other than Jacob was driving, he’d be worried too.

“I’m not bringing you into a cabin in the woods or anything.”

“You better don’t because I’d steal the car and drive back by myself.” Is it possible to hear pouts? Kevin can hear Jacob’s pouts.

“Oh come on!” He laughs while checking the nearby road sign to make sure they didn’t miss their turn over this conversation. “You’d never be able to leave me behind. You love me, dude.” He makes a kissy face in Jacob’s direction for emphasis.

“I do.” Jesus, Jacob, you can’t go around agreeing to stuff like that. Jacob’s lack of shame when it gets to showing affection for his friends is both a blessing and a curse. Kevin’s chest feels so tight his heart might just jump out. As though that wasn’t enough, Jacob decides to lift Kevin’s hand up from the gearstick and lace their fingers together before letting their joined hands fall into his lap. If Jacob is aiming at getting them into a car crash, there are very few things that would be more effective than this. It’s just because he’s a scaredy cat, Kevin tries to tell himself, he mustn’t interpret too much into it.

Luckily, they soon arrive at their destination, which seems to irritate Jacob even further. Rather than getting out, he just looks at the venue through the car window. Smiling, Kevin gets up, walks to the other side of the car and opens the door for Jacob.

“Are you going to get out by yourself or do I need to carry you?” Finally, Jacob leaves the confines of the car and turns around to get a good look at the park like area around them.

“What are we going to do here?”

“You’ll find out in just a minute.” A bright grin fills Kevin’s face as he gets his backpack and some jackets from the trunk, locks the car and starts guiding Jacob down the plastered path. It doesn’t take long for them to reach a rather spacious lookout point, which is when Kevin stops and sets his things down. Jacob steps closer to the railing and looks over to the city shining in the distance. It’s a magnificent view: Jacob in the quiet, nightly scenery with the various lights melting into one behind him. Kevin should draw this sometime.

“Nice view, but I don’t get it. There’s literally nothing here, Kevin.”

“Au contraire.” Realization finally dawns on Jacob when he turns around and sees the thick picknick blanket Kevin has spread out on the ground. He tips his head back to look at the cloudless night sky above them and a silent ‘Oh’ falls from his lips. “Today is the peak of the Perseids,” Kevin explains.

“We’re stargazing during a meteor shower?” Warmth fills Kevin’s heart when a smile takes hold of Jacob’s face.

“Nice one, Sherlock.” Kevin sits down on the blanket and pats the space next to himself. Jacob scrambles to sit next to him and puts on the jacket Kevin offers him.

“Why here though?”

“Because it’s too bright in the city and I know that I can’t take my wimp of a best friend into the middle of nowhere at night, so this seemed like a good compromise.” Considering that leaving the city is all it took for Jacob to think of horror movies, it was absolutely the right decision to not bring him to a more remote location.

Jacob seems excited enough to let the minor insult slide. To pass the time until the meteor shower will be best visible, Kevin gets out his phone and opens the night sky app he downloaded just for this occasion. Jacob scoots closer without hesitation so he can see Kevin’s phone too. They look at the various stars and constellation in the app before trying to identify them in the night sky together. Jupiter and Saturn are a great help for that, giving them an starting point from where to look from. Jacob gets so into it the happiness is clearly audible in his voice whenever he points out a new discovery to Kevin. When they think they’ve spotted the first shooting star – neither of them is sure since they had been busy figuring out the location of Hercules’ legs – they put Kevin’s phone away and lie down. Luckily, Kevin remembered to pack some small pillows.

“I’m so excited.” Jacob whispers. Whyever he decides to whisper, it feels appropriate for the delicate moment. “We’ve wanted to watch the Perseids together for ages, I can’t believe we finally remembered in a year that has the right weather for it.”

Kevin turns his head to the side, where Jacob is gazing up at the night sky with a little smile on his handsome face. In the dark, Kevin can’t see all that much – even now that his eyes were used to it – but he doesn’t care. His mind provides for what his eyes can’t do right now anyways. Kevin knows Jacob’s face by heart, his beautiful, dark eyes, the little mole near his eye, the slope of his nose, his prominent cheekbones and rectangular jaw that could easily make him seem imitating if it wasn’t for the usually friendly and warm expression softening his features.

“Look!” Jacob calls as he points up. Kevin follows his finger and catches the last glimpse of a shooting star. This time they are sure. “Let’s make a wish!” Just like that, Jacob grabs Kevin’s hand for the second time that day and closes his eyes. Kevin looks at Jacob for another moment before turning to face the sky and closing his eyes as well.

I wish I had the courage to finally tell him how I feel, Kevin requests in his mind. It feels a little silly, but after the past few months he needs all the support he can get. Because now that he’s getting close to the real deal, Kevin feels nervous beyond comprehension. If a shooting star can finally make him confess then so be it. Just as Kevin opens his eyes, another shooting star streaks across the sky, bright and clear. Somehow, it feels like a confirmation. Your wish has been received.

Once again, Kevin looks over to Jacob, who is by now wearing a smile that could easily rival the shooting star from just now. Kevin can do this; he can confess to Jacob. However, one thing needs to be settled first. “There’s something I wanted to ask you.”

Jacob turns his head, his smile not wavering one bit. “Sure, what is it?”

“I know you said you don’t want to talk about it. But I… I need to know this.” At that, Jacob’s smile does falter a little. Even though Kevin’s heart drops along with it, he is determined not to let that stop him. “Did you and Jaehyun break up because we nearly kissed each other?” Kevin needs an answer. Despite it seeming like the only explanation, Kevin isn’t sure if he’s the reason Jacob and Jaehyun’ relationship ended. Neither Jacob nor Jaehyun have acknowledged the almost kiss in any way, which is weird. Jaehyun may not know about it, but Jacob does and it has been freaking Kevin out that they never talked about it, not a single word.

Jacob opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. All of a sudden, he sits up again. Oh no. Kevin is a little scared he’s going to leave, so he sits up as well, only relaxing when he realizes Jacob isn’t going anywhere. Jacob runs his hand over his face before brushing his hair back and staying like that for a moment. Whatever he’s trying to tell Kevin, it cannot be a simple ‘No.’ Kevin’s heart goes a mile a minute as Jacob seems to look for the right words to say. Finally, Jacob turns around to face Kevin. “Yes, but before you say anything, please let me explain, because it’s not your fault, okay?” Not Kevin’s fault? He’s the one who was trying to kiss Jacob, if Jacob and Jaehyun broke up because of the kiss, how is it not Kevin’s fault? Of course he’s to blame for the break-up then. Amidst all the confusion and slight panic about what is going to follow, the knowledge that the kiss was the reason for Jacob and Jaehyun’ break-up has a little flame of hope spark inside Kevin. Wow, he’s a horrible person.

“The thing is…” Jacob takes a deep breath. “Now please don’t get mad at me, okay? I’ve had feelings for you for years. Do you know those prank candles that just keep flickering back on after you blow them out? It’s like that. Every time I think I’m over you something happens and I fall for you all over again. So really there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it. One time I fell for you because you laughed at one of my jokes really hard and looked so adorable rolling around on the couch holding your stomach. It’s my problem that I have these feelings and that they’re stronger than what I felt for Jaehyun. I broke up because I couldn’t play with his love like that. It’s completely on me. So please don’t feel bad?”

Oh.

“I…” Kevin finds himself at a complete loss of words, which is rare. But it’s also rare for Jacob to ramble like this and to be completely honest, Kevin is feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. Maybe he’s even a little dizzy. Okay screw the maybe, his head is a mess of fireworks and explosions and shooting stars and nothing feels real anymore. Kevin tries to rub his sweaty hands dry on his pants. Did Jacob really just tell Kevin that he’s in love with him? That it’s been going for years and apparently won’t let him go no matter what? That it was inevitable for him to fall in love with Kevin again even though he started liking Jaehyun? Did the shooting star punch Kevin into some alternative reality? “You like me?” A lump forms in Kevin’s throat as he asks that. He feels so dumb for barely getting any proper words out, but he’s so overwhelmed now. With his mind spinning like that, he has trouble keeping up with the amount of information Jacob just dumped upon him. Plus, his heartbeat is almost louder than Jacob’s voice.

“Kind of an understatement but yes.” Jacob smiles at him, only to avert his gaze the moment his eyes meet Kevin’s, as though Jacob suddenly got shy about his own honesty. Kevin wants to kiss him right then and there, but then Jacob starts rambling once again. “Don’t worry about it though, I have it under control. I mean I dealt with it the past years. I thought I was over it when I started liking Jaehyun. That turned out to be false, but I’ll get there. Trust me, please I- I don’t want you to feel bad and I don’t want things to be weird between us. I never wanted to tell you that my feelings for you are the reason I broke up with Jaehyun, so you wouldn’t feel guilty, but you- Kevin why are you smiling like that?”

Kevin hadn’t even realized a smile was stretching over his face until Jacob points it out. Oh well, he’s always been a terrible liar. Honestly, Kevin has no idea how he managed to hide his feelings from Jacob for this long. But that ends now. Kevin lifts himself up to comes closer, all up in Jacob’s space where he can see the bit of a blush on Jacob’s cheeks and the stars caught in his eyes. His heart is pounding as though he ran a marathon. In a way he did: he ran away from his feelings for months and tried to accept that that Jacob loves Jaehyun, not him. Now he just needs to cross the finish line in the opposite direction. “Because I don’t want you to get anything under control.” Yeah, that doesn’t seem to clear anything up for Jacob. He just silently stares at Kevin, which makes Kevin’s chest feel tight from nerves. Maybe Kevin needs to be a bit more direct. “I like you too. I have for a while already. At first, I wanted to get rid of these feelings, but I don’t think I could forget about you even if I wanted to.” Jacob’s eyes go wide in shock – hopefully of the good kind. His mouth opens but no words leave it. His eyes follow the movement of Kevin’s hand when he lifts it to Jacob’s cheek. Oh god this is happening. Kevin moves closer and Jacob’s gaze snaps up to meet his. Since their almost kiss, Jacob hasn’t looked at him like this, with this much intensity and… and probably more. Kevin’s heart has never beat this loudly. He looks into Jacob’s eyes, waiting for any kind of sign. Once again, he’s blown away by how beautiful Jacob looks with close to no distance between them. Kevin loves the way Jacob looks down at his lips before looking right into his eyes again, like he’s looking right into Kevin’s soul and seeing all the affection Kevin holds for him. Jacob smiles and nods ever so slightly. No falling bottle in the world can stop Kevin from kissing him now.

Kissing Jacob is exactly as expected and completely different at the same time. Jacob is the gentle kisser Kevin always thought he would be, but getting to finally kiss after months of pining for Jacob is beyond anything Kevin’s imagination could have provided him with. It’s warmth and sparks flying and fireworks of emotions. Their first kiss doesn’t last long since they’re both still testing the waters. But Kevin doesn’t get to pull away to try and check Jacob’s reaction before Jacob dives in for more. All carefulness is out the window as soon as their lips meet again. Jacob clutches at the back of Kevin’s shirt and brings him close. Kevin feels like he’s getting filled with sunshine in the middle of the night; everything is warm when it should be cold. Every passing second lifts another ton of the weight Kevin caried with him the past few months off him. Kevin slides his free hand to Jacob’s shoulder and clings to his jacket while Jacob kisses him like their lives depend on it. He’s feeling dizzy in the best way possible. They’re kissing. They’re really kissing. It isn’t some dream or fantasy or anything. Jacob’s lips against his own are real. Jacob is real. Their kiss is real. Kevin smiles into their contact, which makes Jacob giggle. He lets their lips disconnect but stays close to Kevin as they try to catch their breathes a little and process what is happening.

“Oh my god,” Jacob whispers in awe. His smile shines brighter than the thousands of stars above them. “I've wanted to do this since 8th grade…”

“9th grade?” What? Kevin runs his hand through Jacob’s hair while he lets that information sink in. Jacob having been in 9th and Kevin in 8th grade feels like ages ago. It was when they still lived in Vancouver, before their families moved the following summer break, before they even met Jaehyun, Eric and Juyeon. Jacob really liked him all those years? “I can’t believe you fell for dorky teenage Kevin in nerd glasses.”

“I sure did,” Jacob confirms with a chuckle. That little dork suddenly looks so proud of himself, as though developing a crush on Kevin during the most embarrassing time of his life will earn him some badge of honor. “And with the Kevin who threw a surprise party on my 18th birthday, the one who brought me a box of his grandma’s homemade cookies after visiting her, the one who fell into the pond in our backyard and pulled me in for making fun of him, the one who got paint all over himself while we painted the walls in my room and most recently with the one who danced to Single Ladies in the club. The list goes on by the way.”

“Well, I can't quite compete with that.” Compared to the several years Jacob has been in love with him, the past nine months Kevin has endured seem almost ridiculous.

“Wait.” Suddenly looking concerned, Jacob pulls away a bit so they can look at each other, but his warm hands stay on Kevin’s waist. “How long have you liked me?”

There it is. The question Kevin so desperately wanted to avoid, just like Jacob wanted to spare him with the truth of why he broke up with Jaehyun. As hard as it may be, they should be honest with each other now, shouldn’t they? But Kevin could try to soften the blow a little. A smile crosses his face when an idea comes to his mind. “Laaast Christmas, I gave you my heart ~”

Sadly, Jacob doesn’t laugh. Is a little giggle really too much to ask? “Kevin that's...”

“Way before you and Jaehyun got together? Yeah...” Kevin looks at Jacob as he contemplates his options. He doesn’t really want to tell Jacob the whole truth, but he doesn’t want to lie to him either. This is something that would sooner or later come up between them. If he keeps it from Jacob now, it’s only going to come across worse later. “To be honest, I was going to confess to you the day I invited you for milkshakes, but Jaehyun kind of beat me to it…”

“Oh god.” Jacob’s shoulders slump and his eyes fill with sadness. Of course he wouldn’t take the news lightly no matter how Kevin tries to deliver it. “Kevin, I’m so sorry-”

“No,” Kevin interrupts him and runs his hand through Jacob’s hair again, hoping to sooth him a bit. “Don’t even start. I don’t want you to blame yourself. You had no idea and I wanted it that way.” Despite Kevin’s words, the new knowledge seems to pull Jacob down. Maybe Kevin should have stayed quiet after all.

“But you had to watch us together all that time.”

“And you had to endure the various girlfriends and boyfriends of Kevin Moon over the past few years. I’m sure you got your fair share of pain too. I’d say we’re even so let’s leave it at that.”

Jacob pulls a face as soon as Kevin mentions his exes. That’s unexpected, but if Jacob was in Kevin’s spot every time Kevin was in a relationship, it’s not surprising that Kevin’s various exes are a sensitive topic. “I hated that Antonio guy,” a suddenly very annoyed looking Jacob admits. “He glared at me whenever I got close to you. It’s was a nightmare.”

Kevin leans his head back in laughter. He remembers the few weeks of dating Antonio, how Antonio would bend backwards to prevent Kevin from spending time with Jacob and sometimes squeeze himself in between them just to Kevin wouldn’t sit next to Jacob. “Dude, that was mutual. He hated you, that’s why I broke up with him,” Kevin manages to wheeze.

Jacob gapes at him. Considering how nice Jacob is to everybody, this must be the first time he hears that someone hated him. “Really?!”

Nodding, Kevin wipes a little tear or laughter away from his eye. “I don’t get how anyone can hate you either, angel. But he was convinced you were trying to get into my pants.” Kevin pauses to reconsider his words. “Well, I guess he wasn’t wrong but-”

“Kev, I meant the other part.”

“Oh the break-up thing? Yeah, I noticed that he was weird whenever you were around. I mean he was fairly jealous in general, but whenever we were with you, he got all possessive and wouldn’t keep his hands off me. When I asked him about it, he straight up said that he doesn’t like you because it’s obvious you’re trying to get my laid. So I ditched him on the spot. Nobody talks about my friends like that. Especially not my Jakey. Bros before hoes, you know?”

“Yeah of course…” The only word Kevin can find to describe Jacob’s gaze right now is fascinated. He can’t really figure out what is going on in Jacob’s head. To be fair, neither can Jacob probably. It will take a while until they can untangle the secret mess of the past years and understand what had been going on behind the other’s scenes. Kevin isn’t sure if it will be fun to uncover all that, but he knows he and Jacob will get through it.

“Anyways, let’s save the entire exes talk for another time. I’d much rather continue looking at the stars with you. That’s what he came here for, you know?”

“True.” Jacob places a kiss on Kevin’s cheek. “Lie down then.” Kevin detaches himself from Jacob and lies back on their picnic blanket. Jacob follows suit, though rather than lying down next to Kevin, he leans above Kevin before kissing him again. Interesting way to star gaze, not like Kevin is complaining though. He wraps his arms around Jacob’s neck and returns the kiss. It a little calmer now, not quite as desperate as before. Kevin could get used to this, Jacob on top of him, his hand caressing Kevin’s side as they share slow, loving kisses. Jacob is smiling when he pulls back. God, he looks so adorable like that. He places another kiss on Kevin’s forehead, which makes Kevin’s heart melt. Kevin feels like a teenager again, almost having a nervous breakdown before his first kiss. At the same time, with Jacob he feels as safe and comfortable as with nobody else. It’s a strange combination, but Kevin can already feel himself getting addicted to it.

Kevin wraps his arm around Jacob when he finally lies down too with his head resting on Kevin’s chest. Jacob likes him too. The thought won’t leave Kevin’s mind as he continues gazing at the stars with Jacob. Each shooting star seems to make Kevin smile even harder. Jacob has feelings for him. He’s been through the same stuff Kevin has been through and is still in love with him. It feels so surreal. If Kevin didn’t know any better he’d think he’s dreaming.

“You know…” Kevin lets the tips of his fingers ghost along Jacob’s arm underneath his jacket. “Initially I was going to confess to you. Can’t believe someone got in ahead of me again.”

A low laugh rumbles through Jacob’s body; Kevin can feel it against his own. “We’ve always had great team work.”

“True.”

Jacob turns around and leans above Kevin once again. Just seeing him up close has Kevin smile once again as he runs his hand through Jacob’s soft hair. They could stay like this for the rest of their lives and Kevin wouldn’t mind. Though just like expected, it doesn’t take long until Jacob kisses him again. “Can’t believe I get to do this now,” he whispers against Kevin’s lips.

“Me neither.” Kevin slides his hand into Jacob’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss.

“Speaking of things we get to do now…” Oh, shy Jacob makes another appearance. How cute… He’s even blushing a little. “Do I get to call you my boyfriend from now on?”

“What kind of question is that?” Kevin chuckles. “Yes. Of course, my angel.” This must be one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen on Jacob. Kevin’s now boyfriend happily leans in to kiss him again. They really can’t get enough, can they? Kevin holds Jacob close against his body and gets lost in their kiss. It feels like they’re in their own the world, like the stars align and everything is finally falling into the place it should have a long time ago, like fate coming true. They’re a couple now.

☀️🌙

The darkness will go away slowly

So come to me, I’m there for you

I’ve shown you my all tonight

Now look carefully at me

☀️🌙

☀️21st of August, 2.42pm 🌙

“Fuck yeah!” Kevin yells when Jacob scores another point. Jacob smiles as he jogs across the court and collects another well-deserved high five from Kevin. Out of the corner of his eye, Kevin can see Eric pouting about being another three points behind, but that only makes Kevin’s grin even brighter. Having a sports guy as your boyfriend does have its perks. Basketball may only be second place for Jacob after volleyball, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t currently ripping Juyeon and Eric a new one on the court. With Kevin’s help. And support. Mainly of the mental kind. Honestly, Kevin and Eric are rather average at basketball, but seeing Jacob make up for Juyeon’s height advantage with his pure skill is… so fucking hot. No matter how cornered he seems, Jacob always finds a way around Juyeon, finds a gap to pass the ball to Kevin or score a point no matter how far up Juyeon’s ridiculously long arms are able to reach.

Maybe Kevin gets a little distracted by the spectacle Jacob is putting on. Maybe Eric manages to snatch the ball from him when Kevin tries to pass the ball to Jacob because he’s so blown away by how incredible Jacob looks while pushing his hair out of his eyes. Maybe Kevin doesn’t care all that much about losing the ball because he gets to see Jacob put his all into getting in between Eric and Juyeon to intercept the ball.

Though somehow, Juyeon manages to step out of Jacob’s coverage and catch Eric’s pass. Kevin tries to follow when Eric sprints across the court, but he’s too slow to keep up with an energy drink on legs. Juyeon jumps up to throw the ball over to Eric, who catches it before Kevin can reach him and turns towards the hoop right away. The ball, though, isn’t quite as quick as Eric. They all watch with bated breaths as the ball hits the board before dancing on top of the ring. Half an hour seems to pass before the ball finally tips over and falls through the hoop. Their silence is broken by Eric’s loud cheers immediately. When Kevin looks down, Eric has thrown himself at Juyeon with his arms tightly clutching at Juyeon’s shoulders. Juyeon is grinning from ear to ear when he picks Eric up and swirls him around. They laugh and cling to each other like they just won some grand prize, as though scoring at basketball is the happiest moment in their lives.

Kevin looks over to Jacob and raises his brow in question. Jacob just barely stops himself from bursting into laughter. Luckily, he schools his expression in time for Juyeon so set Eric down on the ground. They’re both beaming like crazy when Juyeon cradles Eric’s face in his hands. “That was great!”

Kevin mouths a silent “Wow.” into Jacob’s direction. Jacob has to walk over to Kevin and hide his face in the crook of Kevin’s neck as he giggles quietly. “Stop, they’re going to notice,” Kevin hisses despite not being able to hold back a giggle of himself. Though at this point, Juyeon and Eric probably wouldn’t notice if Kevin and Jacob packed their things and left.

A ringing phone rips Kevin and Jacob out of their involuntary voyeuristic moment. Juyeon lets go of Eric with a disgruntled sigh and runs over to the bench on which they stored all their stuff. His shoulders slump before he picks up his phone. “Hey, mom.”

“Well, that’s going to take a while,” Kevin complains. The only one who hears him is Jacob though, since Eric still manages to get lost in eye contact with Juyeon halfway across the basketball court while Juyeon wanders about and hums sounds of agreement into his phone. “I guess we’re done for today. Eric, are you coming home with us?”

“Uhm,” Eric snaps out of his Juyeon-induced daze and hurries to follow when they walk over to their bags to drink something. “No, I’ll wait for Juyeon. We were going to watch a movie together.”

“I see. Have fun with your movie night then,” Jacob chirps before taking a large gulp from his water bottle. Kevin tries not to get too distracted by the way Jacob’s throat moves as he swallows down his drink. He fails.

“And use a condom!” Adds Kevin, just when Eric is about to drink too. He’s the master of timing after all.

As expected, Eric chokes on his water and turns a very bright shade of pink as he coughs violently and tries to regain his composure. “Wha- we’re not-”

He looks utterly ridiculous, a bit wet in the face, blushing and stuttering and trying so hard to deny that he doesn’t wish he and Juyeon would need a condom during their ‘movie night’. “Eric, we’re not your parents. We know what Netflix and chill means.”

Eric narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. Fascinating how he manages to act offended when Kevin 100% has a point. Does Eric really think his friends aren’t aware that he’s been trying basically every way to land with Juyeon except openly talking to him? “You’re just as nosy as my parents though. For your information: it’s not Netflix and chill it’s me and Juyeon watching a movie together and maybe playing some games. Nothing more.”

“But you would like it to be Netflix and chill?” Jacob inquires with an unbelievable innocence considering he just asked if Eric wants to fuck Juyeon. That’s my boy, Kevin thinks while grinning and leaning into Jacob’s side. Jacob is quick to bring his arm around Kevin and squeeze his waist. It’s such a small thing, but it jolts up Kevin’s butterflies right away. Jacob’s touches always carry so much love.

By now, Eric is as red as a tomato. He opens his mouth to talk before closing it with determination in his eyes. Because obviously, when you can’t defend yourself anymore, you need go into attack mode. “You know what? That’s none of your business!”

A highly pissed off Eric angrily drinking his water is truly a sight to remember. Kevin turns his head towards Jacob before hushing a low “That was tsundere for ‘yes’.” into his ear.

“Fuck off, Kevin.” Apparently, Kevin wasn’t quiet enough. Though when it gets to being too loud, Eric really is in no position to complain. It’s a good thing that whatever is going to happen between him and Juyeon is most likely going to be done in Juyeon’s apartment. By now, calling it Eric and Juyeon’s apartment would be more accurate, really. Kevin still has to grin every time he remembers how Eric invited Kevin to Juyeon’s apartment when he wanted to talk about the almost kiss he ran in on as though it’s the most natural thing in the world to just invite people to someone else’s apartment when you need it.

Kevin lifts his hand in defense and takes a couple of steps backwards, using the opportunity to extract himself from the situation and walk across the court. It’s been quite a while already but – as predicted –Juyeon is still walking around without aim while obediently letting his mom talk his ear off. Though when he notices Kevin coming towards him, he finally puts an end to the phone call. “Hey, mom, I need to go. I’m with the boys right now. Yeah, talk to you soon. Bye.” Juyeon’s little smile becomes worried as soon as he hangs up. “You look like you’re up for no good.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Kevin puts his hands in his pockets and tries to appear as nonchalant as possible. It’s no biggie, right? He just wants to talk about whether Juyeon is planning to do all of them a favor and get Eric laid already. The tension between them is unbearable. You know things are bad when you manage to thirdwheel three people simultaneously, including a couple. “A little birdie told me that you and Eric are going to Netflix and chill tonight.”

Juyeon gapes at Kevin, seeming strangely panicked before catching himself. He’s just as ridiculous as Eric. Everyone who looks at them for all of ten seconds knows that they have a thing for each other. Yet they’ve been walking on eggshells around the topic. During the few weeks in which Jaehyun and Jacob needed their space from each other, Kevin had barely seen Juyeon and much less seen him with Eric. Meanwhile, things between them seem to have escalated. Eric’s attraction may have appeared a little one-sided before, but it feels mutual now that Juyeon can’t seem to take his eyes off Eric anymore. “No, we’re not going to-”

Kevin shakes his head. These two idiots are shamelessly staring and checking each other out 24/7, they’re essentially joined by the hip, but get embarrassed the moment someone dares to imply that they want to literally be joined by the hip. “But you should!”

Juyeon raises his brow. His face shows the same kind of confusion and mild disgust it had had when Kevin had considered to quit drinking coffee. “You want me to fuck Eric?”

Dumbasses. Both of them. How does Kevin put up with them on a daily basis? Kevin is beyond thankful that Eric didn’t judge him for what he ran into on the couch and that he even comforted Kevin when he told him the whole truth, but if Eric and Juyeon don’t fix this situation any time soon, Kevin is going to jump across the table and squish their faces together until they kiss during their next group dinner. “I don’t care where you put your dick as long as grow some balls and confess already.”

Juyeon averts his gaze in a useless attempt to hide his reddened face. “Please leave my junk out of this.”

“Dude, I’m serious. Eric is so obviously into you, just tell him you like him. This tension between you is getting unbearable. I thought it couldn’t get worse after I saw you two dancing, but obviously I was wrong. I mean you two are staring.”

Sighing, Juyeon runs his hands through his hair. “It’s not that easy.” With the way Juyeon starts worrying his lower lip while his gaze drops down to his feet, it would feel wrong to continue joking around. It may be fun to tease him and Eric for their obviousness, but it’s also obvious that it’s not just a matter of horniness between them and feelings are best treated with care.

“Is it ever?” Kevin asks tentatively. “Things were far from easy for me and Jacob too. Doesn’t mean it can’t still work out.” They both look over to the benches, where Jacob seems to be giving Eric some tips to improve his defense. It definitely wasn’t easy to get together with Jacob, but the result is worth the trouble. Kevin would go through the pain of the past months again any time if that’s what it took to be with Jacob. “I could have spared us all a lot of trouble if I had confessed earlier, you know? But I had the worst possible timing back then. Do me the favor and don’t wait until you’ve missed your opportunity.”

Juyeon hesitates for a moment, but eventually nods. Kevin is about to head back to the benches when he hears Juyeon taking a deep breath, but suddenly stopping himself. When he turns around, Juyeon is once again biting around on his bottom lip. It’s clear he has something to say, but for some reason he holds himself back. Kevin gives him some time to hopefully find the right words, but in the end Juyeon only mumbles a low “Thanks for your advice.” that most definitely is not what he intended to say. Kevin doesn’t push it though, Juyeon will come to him when he’s ready to talk about it.

“You’re welcome, buddy.” When Kevin comes back to the bench, Jacob has already gathered all of their belongings and is waiting for Kevin with one of their bags on each shoulder.

“Are we good to go?”

“Sure.” Jacob beams and takes Kevin’s hand into his own. They say their goodbye to Eric and Juyeon before leaving them to their own devices. Kevin wonders if Juyeon will actually follow his advice, finally confess to Eric and free all of them from the misery of having to endure their endless pinning, or if they’ll have to find another way to break this curse.

“How did things go with Juyeon?” Jacob asks as they stroll along the sidewalk.

“Pretty good I think? I tried to give him a little nudge in the right direction. We’ll have to see if it worked.” Please, dear lord, make it work. Kevin cannot possibly endure Eric and Juyeon’s longing stares any longer and he’s fairly sure neither can Jacob and Jaehyun. The way those two idiots look at each other constantly has Kevin scared that they’re going to rip each other’s clothes off and do unspeakable things on the nearest flat surface.

“I really hope they get together,” Jacob mumbles. “They’d be a cute couple, don’t you think?”

Kevin nods before lifting their joined hands to place a kiss on Jacob’s knuckles. “I mean, obviously not as cute as the two of us, but like-”

Jacob lightly smacks his shoulder, but the smile he fails to hold back speaks volumes. Yes, they’re cute. Jacob is cute above everything, with his little smile and the hint of a blush. Kevin can’t help it. He leans closer to Jacob and gives him a kiss on his rosy cheek.

Their walk home continues rather uneventful until Kevin nearly trips over his own feet when Jacob suddenly yanks at his hand. He stumbles across the sidewalk and just barely catches himself on the tree Jacob pulls him to. “Babe, you can kiss me on the sidewalk too. We don’t need to hide behind a tree.”

“Sorry,” Jacob hushes. He gives Kevin a quick kiss before leaning to the side to look around the tree. Okay, this is weird, even for them.

“So who are we hiding from?” Kevin tries to turn around, but Jacob pulls him further behind the tree.

“Jaehyun and his date.”

“Oh my god where?” Kevin presses himself against Jacob’s back and tries to spot their friend. A small park is located on the other side of the street, it has to be there, right? Kevin’s eyes pass over the paths, the small fountain in the middle, but he can’t seem to find Jaehyun.

“On the bench over there.” With that very precise direction, it still takes a while to spot Jaehyun, but when he eventually does, Kevin smiles to himself. Even from afar, it’s obvious Jaehyun is having a good time. He’s vividly gesturing with his hands as he talks and laughing in between. Next to him is a girl with long, jet-black hair. She’s covering her mouth with her hand, but she’s laughing with her entire body.

“It seems to be going well.” Kevin slings his arms around Jacob’s waist and rests his chin on Jacob’s shoulder as they continue to watch Jaehyun with the pretty girl he’s on a date with. Seeing Jaehyun enjoy himself is such a relief after the heartbreak he’s had. Jaehyun seemed so genuinely happy for them when Jacob and Kevin told him that they’re a couple. They all expected things to get awkward, but Jaehyun is amazing. Maybe things will be fine, between them all. Since Jaehyun seems to be over Jacob and things are on a good way with that girl. It can’t be wrong to have hope, right?

Jacob suddenly clutches at Kevin’s hand. Kevin perks up and focuses on Jaehyun again, who has gotten noticeably closer to his date. “Wait is he-” They both hold their breathes when Jaehyun closes the gap between himself and the girl. Kevin squeals when the two of them kiss. In his arms, Jacob is basically buzzing with excitement. “He kissed her!”

“He did!” Jacob turns around and nearly crushes Kevin because of how fierce his hug it.

“Now I get why people watch romance movies,” Kevin giggles and clutches Jacob even more tightly.

“Really?” Jacob leans back and raises his brow at Kevin. “I can’t remember you paying much attention to the last romance movie we watched.” He grins and steals a quick kiss from Kevin’s lips.

“That doesn’t count.” Kevin pouts. “I was heavily Jacob-deprived at the time.” Jacob coos and pulls Kevin against himself again.

“Don’t worry, that won’t happen ever again.” Kevin sighs and melts into Jacob’s embrace. Correct, he’s definitely never going to let go of this. When he looks over to the bench again, he cannot help but smile to himself. Jaehyun and the girl are all fond looks and soft giggles as they gaze at each other. It’s so cute how shy Jaehyun is about the kiss in spite of how loud and outgoing he usually is.

“God, they’re adorable,” Kevin coos as he watches Jaehyun reach out and hold the girl’s hand. “We’ll have to thoroughly ask Jaehyun about this date. I want to know all the juicy details.”

“I don’t think we’ll have to ask him anything,” Jacob muses. “I bet he’ll happily brag about it first chance he gets.”

“True. We’re going to hear everything about how great she is and how well they clicked during dinner on Monday if we want to or not.”

“Shouldn’t we leave them alone now?” Jacob looks around them. “People are going to think we’re creeps if we continue watching them.”

“Jake, the train of people thinking we’re normal has left a long time ago.”

“Maybe, but do you really want to spend the rest of the day stalking Jaehyun when we have an Eric-free apartment?”

“Good thinking, let’s go.” Jacob giggles when Kevin grabs his hand and starts dragging him along. Their walking pace has gotten a little quicker now with their destination in mind. So far, they haven’t had that many opportunities to be all alone. While Jaehyun is fine with them being a couple, Kevin and Jacob both thought it would be better if they don’t show off their relationship in front of him too much for the time being. As a result, their only shot at having proper privacy is hoping that they’re free to meet up at Jacob’s place when Eric is with Juyeon. But as they’ve already had to realize Eric – just like Jaehyun – is a master of timing when it gets to interfering with Kevin and Jacob. Somehow, he always manages to meet Juyeon when either Kevin or Jacob is busy and be home when Kevin and Jacob have time for each other.

“Can’t believe we have this place all to ourselves.” Kevin slings his arms around Jacob’s waist the moment they’re through the front door and waddles along when Jacob walks to his room.

“Hmm, it’s been way too long.” Jacob interlaces his fingers with Kevin’s and lifts their joined hands to kiss the back of Kevin’s hand. It’s so small, but it’s such an endearing little gesture. Everything about the way Jacob treats him is so soft, so sweet, like Kevin is something precious and fragile. “We should shower. Do you want to borrow some clothes from me?”

Is the sky blue? Yes, of course Kevin wants to wear Jacob’s clothes, how is that even a question? “Bold of you to assume you’ll get them back.”

“Okay then,” Jacob pulls Kevin along towards his closet and opens the door, presenting stacks upon stacks of clothing. “What do you want?”

“Wait.” Kevin loosens his hold around Jacob in his shock. “You’re letting me pick clothes from your closet?”

“Yes.” Jacob confirms with a content excitement in his voice.

“And I get to keep them?” Kevin asks, just to be sure he really understood this right.

“Correct.”

“No matter what it is?” he probes further. In his mind, he’s already going through the various articles of clothing he knows Jacob owns, the countless wonderfully oversized t-shirts and comfortable hoodies. Kevin feels like a little kid in front of a candy store who has been told to get anything he wants.

“It’s not like you’ll throw the clothes away. I’ll still get to see them, just on you.”

“Best boyfriend ever,” Kevin says under his breath as he surges towards the closet. Over the past months, he’s dreamed about grabbing Jacob’s clothes, cuddling into them and drowning in Jacob’s scent so often. He’s not going to pass up on the opportunity to do that now. Kevin’s scans through Jacob’s closet, picking out piece after piece that have caught his eye throughout the year.

“Do you really need a hoodie?” A highly amused Jacob asks with a raised brow while picking up said hoodie.

“Yes.”

“In August?” His smile grows smug.

“The hoodie is not negotiable.” Kevin snatches the hoodie out of Jacob’s hands, buries his face in the thick, black fabric and breathes in the wonderful scent of his boyfriend. “You can shower first,” Kevin announces before walking over to Jacob’s bed and letting himself drop onto it. His eyes slip close as he hugs the stack of clothes against his chest. God, he feels exhausted after trying to keep up with the energy ball that is Eric during basketball even though Jacob really did most of the work during their match. He almost expected himself to fall asleep the moment his body is in a horizontal position, lulled to sleep by Jacob’s presence all around him.

“Or…” The mattress shifts underneath Kevin. When he opens his eyes, he’s met with Jacob right above him, smiling as he looks Kevin over. “We could shower together. To safe water, you know.” A little grin follows Jacob’s words. The one sentence is enough to get Kevin’s fantasy running: Jacob running his hand through his wet hair, his naked body up against Kevin’s, their hands all over each other. Yes, they absolutely should shower together.

“Yeah, we need to think about the environment.” Kevin laughs quietly. “Excellent basketball skills, incredible ideas, stunning looks, you’ve really got it all, huh?”

Despite his calm and confident demeanor, Jacob’s ears turn a little red as he giggles along. Kevin can’t blame him. Everything between them is still fresh and new and sometimes it’s awkward and weird to discover the new sides of their relationship, but it always turns out wonderful in the end. Cuddling when they sleep next to each other is one of those things. Kevin has never slept better in his life before. Though he has a feeling, if he slept in Jacob’s bed the night before an 8 am lecture, he’d simply turn off his alarm, turn around and fall asleep snuggled into Jacob’s side again.

“Help me up?” Kevin directs a little pout at Jacob, who immediately stands up, takes both of Kevin’s hands and hoists Kevin up and onto his feet. With a yelp, Kevin stumbles right into Jacob’s body. In a split second, Jacob’s hands are on Kevin’s waist to keep him stable while Kevin tries to regain his balance. Kevin smiles when he finds himself face to face with Jacob, pressed against him so not even a sheet of paper would fit in between them. This feels a little familiar. “That eager to get me into the shower?”

“I’m always eager to be with you.” Jacob closes the gap between them and gives Kevin a peck on the cheek.

“God, that was smooth.”

Kevin doubts he’s ever been this eager to shower. He usually dawdles around a lot, playing on his phone or suddenly remembering to water his plants before he can get himself to actually set foot into the shower. Now, he has an excited skip and a fast pace in his step as they walk down the hallway to the bathroom together. Kevin has already taken off his shirt when he notices Jacob still standing in the doorway. He seems a bit lost in thought as he looks Kevin over. Maybe he isn’t so sure about showering together after all? “Did you change your mind?” Kevin puts his shirt aside and walks over to Jacob. “I can go back if you want to be alone. It’s okay.”

“No just…” Jacob laughs and shakes has his head. “You have no idea how many of my teenage wet dreams consisted of the two of us in a shower together.”

How can Jacob be honest about embarrassing stuff like that? Kevin cannot seem to wrap his mind around it. He’d be shy enough talking about the dreams and fantasies he’s had as a teenager even though Jacob wasn’t involved in them. “So I did not imagine the way you stared at me whenever we went to the swimming pool together?”

At that, Jacob’s ears do grow a bright shade of red. “Yeah, learning how to be subtle about it was hard.” Back then when Jacob came out to him, Kevin had always put the staring off as curiosity. He hadn’t minded it much and over time it became less and less. Kevin wonders just how much Jacob must have practiced being subtle if he perfected it do a degree that Kevin never notices his crush. Looking back, Jacob must have worried about revealing his feelings like crazy. Jacob was worried even now, but as a teenager everything is worse. Every problem seems like the end of the world. Kevin wishes he could erase all of the pain and trouble Jacob had to go through, but obviously he cannot change the past. What he can do however, is spoil Jacob and work on forgetting their past troubles together.

“You won’t need that anymore.” Kevin takes Jacob’s hands and fully pulls him into the bathroom before closing the door behind them. “You can stare all you want now.”

“Just stare?” This mischievous little glint in Jacob’s eyes is so damn hot. It’s a stark contrast to the blush still tinting his ears and cheeks, which makes everything feel even more perfect. Kevin will let him do literally anything if Jacob looks at him like this.

Kevin smiles when Jacob’s hands wrap around his waist and pull them flush against each other. While Jacob kisses his neck, Kevin sneaks his hands underneath Jacob’s shirt and runs them over the expanse of his back. Jacob’s hands start roaming too, sliding along Kevin’s hips and thighs before experimentally grabbing his ass.

“Jake…” Jacob leans up to capture Kevin’s lips with his own in a heartbeat. Kevin keeps pulling Jacob’s shirt up, further and further until his upper body is bare. He withdraws from the kiss just long enough to get it out of the way before cupping Jacob’s face and bringing him into another kiss.

A silent groan fills their kiss as Kevin drags his hands over Jacob’s bare upper body. He loves feeling Jacob’s strong muscles underneath the palm of his hand. It’s more than that though; he loves seeing Jacob react to his touch. It’s so beautiful when his breath hitches or his lower lip gets caught between his teeth for just a second or he melts against Kevin’s hand.

Jacob nibs at Kevin’s bottom lip before letting his tongue slip into Kevin’s mouth. He grows bolder by the second, taking control of their kiss and feeling Kevin up while pressing them closer together. It’s making Kevin feel dizzy, fogs up his mind.

“So…” Kevin pulls away after a moment, feeling out of breath already. Trying to stay away from Jacob long enough to talk is hard; it’s like magnets are pulling them together. “Should we get in that shower already?”

Jacob smiles and steals another quick kiss from Kevin’s lips. “Yes.”

Kevin decides to turn around give Jacob a bit of privacy while they finish undressing, which is probably pretty ridiculous considering that they’re going to be sharing a shower soon, and gets into the shower. When Jacob steps in behind Kevin, he immediately wraps his arms around Kevin and snuggles into his back, then turns on the shower. They’re fucking naked and cramped up in a shower cabin together, yet it’s the little kiss Jacob places on Kevin’s shoulder that has the butterflies in Kevin’s stomach go crazy.

They haven’t done much of this. Sure they’ve cuddled, they made out, they touched each other. But being naked? That’s a first. At least in this context. They’ve been in various stages of nudity around each other more than they can count, but that was all before they got together.

Kevin cranes his head back and tries to kiss Jacob, but they’re a little too far apart. He reaches behind himself, tangles his hand in Jacob’s hair and pulls him closer, but stops when Jacob’s breath hitches and his hands suddenly grip at Kevin’s hips. “You like it…” he mumbles mostly to himself. “You like having your hair pulled. I always wondered if you’d be into it because of how much you like having your hair played with.”

“I think you got your answer,” Jacob whispers. His cheeks are turning red once again, but his gaze doesn’t waver. Kevin hums and turns around before firmly grasping Jacob’s hair and tugging at it again, this time a little harder. Jacob’s breath comes out shaky and Kevin can’t help a little smirk. He already knows he’s going to love learning how to push every single one of Jacob’s buttons if this is the kind of response he’ll get. Kevin leans closer to Jacob until their lips are almost touching.

“You’ll tell me if you want me to stop, right?”

Jacob nods as much as Kevin’s grip allows it. “Yeah.”

Kevin closes the gap between them and kisses Jacob. He runs his free hand along Jacob’s side while backing him against the shower wall, smiling to himself when Jacob gasps into their kiss. With Kevin’s body pressing into his own, Jacob seems to have forgotten about washing themselves already. Instead, his hands are clutching at Kevin’s hips like his life depends on it. Kevin breaks the kiss and leans back to look at Jacob; he wants to remember this sight. Jacob looks so breathtaking, his wet, blond hair sticking to his forehead, the intense gaze in his dark eyes that doesn’t leave Kevin for a second. The butterflies inside Kevin go more and more crazy the longer he looks at Jacob. His boyfriend. He smiles at that little thought crossing his mind all on its own. It still doesn’t feel entirely real and the realization that it is has Kevin feel giddy over and over again. He releases his grip on Jacob’s hair and gently guides his head forward to kiss him on the forehead.

“Where did that come from?” Jacob sounds a little amused.

“Just felt like it.” Kevin grabs Jacob’s hair again and tugs his head back a little, but makes sure the kiss that follows gentle. He wants to keep Jacob on his toes for the time being, which seems to be working just as intended. Jacob’s nails dig into Kevin’s skin when Kevin yanks his head further back and mouths along his throat.

“Sorry.” Cute. Kevin chuckles and leans close to Jacob’s ear.

“Don’t worry, babe. Touch me however you like, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kevin ghosts a kiss to the skin behind Jacob’s ear before leaning down again and leaving kiss upon kiss in his wake. While Kevin kisses down Jacob’s chest, little sighs stumbles across Jacob’s lips. God, he sounds beautiful already. Kevin cannot wait to hear him grow more and more desperate from his touches and kisses. “Do you have any idea how often I thought about this?” Kevin mutters as he gets down onto his knees. He kisses down Jacob’s stomach while keeping his eyes trained on Jacob above him. Kevin has imagined this way more than is probably normal, but having Jacob actually tower over him like this still hits different.

“How much do you want to bet that it’s not as often as I did?” Jacob chuckles quietly and cups Kevin’s chin in his hand before running his thumb across Kevin’s lower lip. Kevin’s heart skips a beat from the little gesture.

“A week of coffee as usual?” Kevin purses his lips and places a kiss on Jacob’s thumb. “Remember when we were all clubbing together?” He waits for Jacob to nod before closing his hand around Jacob’s cock, moving in slow strokes. Jacob sighs and lets go of Kevin’s face in favor of onto his hair. “I thought about this in great detail then. In my fantasy we weren’t in the shower though. We were still in the club and you were wearing that leather jacket and tight pants and that god forsaken choker.” Yes, Kevin still has a lot of feelings about that stupidly hot look. He sticks his tongue out and licks over the tip of Jacob’s cock before stroking along his length again. The little bit of teasing has Jacob sinking against the wall already. “Fuck, you looked so hot, baby. Really, I have no idea how I controlled myself enough to not to this then and there.” Jacob’s blush gets even deeper from Kevin’s words, but Kevin only smiles with pride.

“That sure would have been awkward. I doubt our friends would have appreciated catching you between my legs underneath the table.” They start laughing at the same time. Jacob cards his hand through Kevin’s hair, though it’s a lot softer than what Kevin did earlier. “I’m glad you got me to dance with you that night.”

“The magic of Beyoncé, Jakey.” Feeling like Jacob is way too calm for his liking, Kevin leans closer and licks up the entire length of Jacob’s dick. Jacob releases a sharp breath and grips Kevin’s hair a little tighter.

“Is this really the right moment to talk about Beyoncé?” Jacob asks in between little gasps as Kevin teases him with little licks over his dick.

“It’s always the right moment for Beyoncé. That’s a lesson you’ll have to learn as my boyfriend.” He’s cute when his voice gets a bit whiny like that.

Jacob chuckles drily, but it borders on a moan when Kevin drags his tongue over the tip of his dick. Kevin takes it into his mouth and sucks lightly, which lets Jacob’s head fall back against the shower wall. Kevin could do this all day, rile Jacob up and watch him come undone a bit more from every little touch. Jacob is so responsive.

“Is it weird that I always thought that this is what it would be like?” Jacob pants out. “Showering together, talking about Beyoncé even when you-” He vaguely gestures between them. Jacob can be so bold and open but voicing what they’re doing right now doesn’t seem to be a part of all the things Jacob says so easily.

“Have your dick in my face?” Kevin helps him out.

“I was trying to think of a more charming way to say it but okay.” Rather than just teasing, Kevin commits to it now, much to Jacob’s appreciation. Jacob is so fucking vocal, responds to every press of Kevin’s tongue, every stroke of his hand. Kevin loves it so fucking much. It fills his chest with a mix of pride and adoration to see Jacob come undone underneath his mouth like this. He has wanted to do this for so long, be the source of Jacob’s pleasure and get to enjoy all of his reactions.

“Damnit, you’re good.” Jacob’s voice is shaky, his breath ragged.

“I’m glad I’m making all your dreams come true.” He doesn’t wait for Jacob to reply before taking his cock into his mouth once again.

“You are, oh my god.”

Jacob’s grip on his hair is tight, desperate, but not strong enough to hurt. It’s probably for the better that Kevin is already kneeling, because his legs turn to jelly the more he watches his boyfriend. Jacob looks gorgeous. His skin is flushed, his hair dark from being wet, his expression filled with bliss as stares down at Kevin. The fantasies Kevin has had the past months could never compare to any of this.

“You’re really a dream coming true…” Jacob hushes. It’ll take a while until Kevin gets used to how sweet Jacob is even with his dick out. Kevin pulls back with a smile and strokes Jacob with his hand instead.

“Yeah?” So what if Kevin is keen on getting a little praise? Especially from Jacob.

“Yes. Please-” Jacob doesn’t have to say it for Kevin to get back to the task at hand already. Having Kevin’s mouth on him again has Jacob moaning loudly. “Yes, it feels good. So fucking good, baby.” Jacob swearing is so rare, it feels like an achievement, like a reason to be proud.

“Kevin,” Jacob rasps. His voice has a whiny edge to it. Kevin’s scalp burns a little as Jacob tugs at his hair, pulling him back. “Kevin, I’m gonna cum.”

Kevin pulls off to mumble a low “Let me?” He waits for the little nod Jacob gives before going back. He keeps going, though by now he feels like he’s paying more attention to Jacob’s reactions than to what he’s doing. Kevin is moving on autopilot, feeling hypnotized by the little noises Jacob makes, the way he wants to close his eyes but struggles to keep them open. It feels like he desperately wants to keep looking at Kevin because he doesn’t want to miss a second of this. Kevin loves being the reason for all of it. He keeps going through Jacob’s loud moans, even when he feels Jacob’s cum spilling into his mouth, until Jacob whines from the stimulation. Jacob moves his hand from Kevin’s hair to his face. He gives Kevin time to empty his mouth before guiding his head up by the chin so they’re looking at each other again. Jacob is still breathing heavily, looking completely fucked in the best way. A little smile is gracing his face as he studies Kevin the way he always does with his Kevin’s drawings, full of admiration and fascination. He softly cradles Kevin’s face in his hands. Kevin sighs as he leans into the gentle touches. He’s never been with anyone who’s as affectionate as Jacob. Really, he’ll love to get used to Jacob’s warmth and sweetness.

“Get up.” Jacob gives Kevin a hand to help him onto his feet. He cups Kevin’s face with his hands again and pulls him into a kiss. The force behind it knocks the breath out of Kevin’s lungs and nearly sweeps him off his feet again. Kevin threats his hand into Jacob’s hair once again as they kiss. Jacob’s hands slide over his body, feelings him up all over. Jacob’s hands feel good on his bare skin even though, or maybe especially because, they are rough, much more so than Kevin’s own hands. It feels like a tribute to the things Jacob loves to do, to playing the guitar and his sports. Sparks start flying wherever Jacob touches him. His hands slide over Kevin’s shoulders, chest, his ass, essentially everywhere but the one place Kevin actually wants to have them.

Kevin whines when Jacob pulls away from their kiss, but the protest dies when starts kissing his neck instead. God, it feels so nice. His lips are soft as they work over Kevin’s skin. Kevin sighs and sinks deeper into the sensation of Jacob’s gentle but teasing touches. A smile tugs at his lips when Jacob’s fingers graze over the tattoo on the side of his ribcage.

“Do you have any idea how much of a blessing and a curse it was to watch you get this?”

It was mostly a curse for Kevin, but Jacob being with him eased the pain a bit. “That was during an on phase?”

Jacob hums and slides his other hand over Kevin’s chest. “I went through at least ten mental breakdowns holding your hand for two hours while you lie there shirtless and grit your teeth through the pain.”

Kevin tugs at Jacob’s hair to pull him back from his neck and kisses him. “I bet the tattoo artists asking if you’re my boyfriend didn’t help?” he whispers against Jacob’s lips with a smug grin.

“That was mental breakdown number four.”

Jacob dips his head to plant more kiss on Kevin’s chest and continues feeling up Kevin’s body. It feels nice, obviously, but Kevin is slowly going crazy from having Jacob’s hands slide along his thighs, but staying clean off his dick. “Dear lord, just touch me already,” Kevin groans. Who knew Jacob would be this much of a tease?

Jacob seems fairly amused by Kevin’s growing desperation. “If you want it so badly…” Jacob closes his hand around Kevin’s dick and starts stroking him with painfully slow movements. Kevin swallows thickly and pulls Jacob closer by his hair to lean their foreheads together. He still can’t believe this is happening, even with the vivid memory of sucking Jacob’s dick filling his mind. It’s still hard to believe they’re together, that he gets to cuddle and kiss and touch and do so much more with Jacob now. “You like it?” Jacob muses. He can be such a cocky little idiot; Kevin loves him to pieces.

“Quit teasing me,” Kevin whines. Jacob can never say no to Kevin, he can’t possibly start now, right?

“I don’t know, I think I quite enjoy this.” Maybe Kevin was wrong. Fuck.

“For god’s sake.”

Jacob kisses Kevin softly, letting Kevin’s frustration melt away in the blink of an eye. “Don’t worry.” A moan fills the shower when Jacob finally strokes his length for real. It feels so good now that Jacob is serious about this. Little moans and sighs keep getting lured from Kevin as Jacob keeps pumping his erection.

“Keep going,” Kevin rasps. His eyes slip shut as he melts into Jacob’s touch.

“I wouldn’t dream of stopping now,” Jacob reassures him. He lifts his other hand to Kevin’s cheek and draws Kevin into a kiss. Most of the time, Jacob’s kisses are rather sweet. Now, it feels like he’s trying to devour Kevin. It’s maddening, but so so good. Jacob seems to know exactly what Kevin wants, needs. He’s making it so fucking easy for Kevin to let go, give himself over completely and not worry about a single thing.

Kevin moans into Jacob’s mouth when Jacob suddenly speeds up the movements of his hand too. He has to clutch at Jacob’s shoulders and grips his hair to ground himself. Jacob really wants him to go crazy.

“Fuck!” Kevin can feel himself growing closer with every movement of Jacob’s hand. “Faster, Jake.” Jacob does exactly what Kevin wants, stroking faster and harder until Kevin finally snaps. He moans loudly in the cramped space between them, clings onto Jacob when his orgasm washes over him. Jacob’s hand keeps moving, stroking him through everything until Kevin slumps against Jacob’s strong frame with a low whine of “Stop.” He feels exhausted, his entire body is heavy but Jacob holds him up with one arm secure around his waist. Kevin sighs contently wraps his arms around Jacob’s waist.

“Oh my god…” Jacob kisses Kevin’s forehead and softly cards his clean hand through Kevin’s wet hair. Kevin hums and leans into the touches. It’s fascinating how quickly Jacob can switch into cute and gentle as though he didn’t just tease and wreck Kevin. “You look even prettier than I thought you would.”

Kevin lazily opens his eyes and looks at his boyfriend. His hazy brain takes a moment to process those words. It sounds like that was a topic Jacob put a lot of thought into. “Jacob, what the hell?”

The tips of Jacob’s ears turn red once again as grabs the showerhead from behind Kevin. Without looking Kevin in the eyes – oh so now that they’re done he’s suddenly getting shy? – Jacob starts cleaning up. “I've had a few years to think about it, okay? Sue me.” So sweet little angel Jacob spend the past few years secretly imagining what it would be like to make Kevin cum, huh? Interesting. Kevin is curious what else Jacob’s mind came up with, what fantasies he’s had about them aside from shower sex. Maybe they can make all of Jacob’s dreams come true together one by one.

“You’re so whipped for me.” Kevin beams at his boyfriend before ruffling his hand through Jacob’s wet hair. “Can’t blame you though. I’m pretty amazing.”

“Yeah, you are.” Jacob leans closer and kisses Kevin’s cheek.

“So are you, Jakey.” Even though Jacob averts his gaze, Kevin can see the happy glow in his eyes the little compliment caused. Kevin grabs the shower gel and puts a generous amount into his hand before starting to lather Jacob up. “You should start working on your excuses though. I’m sure we would long since be done if we had showered individually. That much on saving water.”

“Why would I? You’re my boyfriend, I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have to lie about wanting to get personal with you in the shower.” His smile is overflowing with sunshine when Jacob leans down to place a soft kiss on Kevin’s shoulder. “Can I wash your hair?”

Kevin chuckles in response. “It’s been ages since anyone else has done that for me.”

“Scandalous.” Kevin wouldn’t put it past Jacob to actually get offended by the lack of having his every wish fulfilled by his past partners. Jacob plants another kiss on Kevin’s skin and lets his hand wander up to Kevin’s chest.

“Go ahead then.”

Jacob loses no time, grabs the shampoo from behind Kevin and gets to work, washing Kevin’s hair and spreading the shampoo with soft touches as though he’s washing a fragile little puppy rather than a grown man. Kevin didn’t lie, he can’t even remember the last time someone else washed his hair for him. It hasn’t been that big of a deal until now, but he’s starting to get what he’s been missing. Letting Jacob wash his hair is wonderful and not just because it physically feels good. It’s such a pleasant and quiet moment. It’s like Jacob lets all his affection flow through the tips of his fingers. They’ll have to do this more often. Kevin closes his eyes; he doesn’t even realize he’s stopped washing Jacob until the latter starts to chuckle.

“That good?” Jacob definitely knows what he’s doing to Kevin’s poor exhausted soul.

Kevin hums contently. “Get yourself a guy who spoils you after you’ve gotten him off.”

Jacob tsks. Kevin can’t see him right now, but he just knows Jacob is looking mildly pissed now. He may be a little sunshine, but you don’t want to get in his way when he’s mad. Angry Jacob is scary. Kind of hot though. At least to Kevin. “What kind of douchebags have you been dating?”

“A bunch of Antonios.”

“Idiots.” It’s true, Kevin hasn’t really had the best taste in partners so far. In a way, it’s a miracle he managed to fall for someone who’ll be good for him for once. He’s sure about that part at least, Jacob isn’t like the people Kevin has dated before, wouldn’t cheat on Kevin or ghost him out of nowhere or throw a tantrum because Kevin wants to go to a concert. Kevin just hopes Jacob doesn’t think all of this is necessary, that he needs to go above and beyond to proof that he’s the right one for Kevin despite the mess with Jaehyun.

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” Kevin whispers. “You don’t have to try and be perfect for me because of what happened.”

“That’s not it. I’ve kept my feelings for you down for ages, do you think I’m going to pass up on an opportunity to shower you with love and affection now that I have it? It’s entirely selfish.”

“Is that so?” Kevin giggles.

Jacob hums and pulls Kevin into a tight hug. Kevin feels so warm and safe in Jacob’s arms. He always has, but everything feels even more intense since they’ve gotten together. It’s funny how long it took them to come to this considering how close they were all along. From the moment their parents introduced them, even before they moved to the US, nobody else could compare. It seems like Jacob always knew they were meant for each other while Kevin was roaming around, stumbling from disaster to disaster. Ironically, all this time Kevin kept telling Jacob that he’s a keeper whenever fleeting crushes or an occasional date led to nothing. He never even considered that he’s the person who’s supposed to keep Jacob. Though now that their time has come, he’s not planning to ever let go.

☀️🌙

No more I’m Down for you

☀️🌙

#kdiarynet #Sandra's writing workshop #writing #The Boyz #Kevin Moon #Jacob Bae #Eric Sohn #Lee Juyeon #Lee Jaehyun #Moonbae #Juric #Breakup #Getting Together #Hurt #Poor Kevin #Happy Valentines Day everyone

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