#ray toro is hung

[mychemstat]

passenger- ray toro

summary: either it was the budding chill in the air, or the wet dream you had about him, but you could not get ray toro out of your mind. going so far as to ignore him at every chance you got not only hurt him, but you as well. you couldn’t focus on anything, ray consuming every single facet of your brain. when gerard offers you straightforward advice, you actually consider his ramblings, no matter how useless he was when he came to his own love life. you weren’t sure if it was worth blurring the lines of friendship. but you did know that you couldn’t wait any longer.

author’s note and warnings: ray toro/gn!reader. friends to lovers, some frerard mentions, smut, porn with plot, oral sex (m receiving), dry humping, reader gets off on his leg while sucking him off, car sex, no reproductive parts of the reader mentioned, ray is HUNG. reader doesn’t suck they swallow.

“fuck… i’m so close…” you breathed out.

you rocked your hips, thighs straddling his waist. his large hands covered your back, gently pulling you into him as he threw his head back, exposing his neck. your lips latched onto the awfully bare looking skin under his jawline, planting open-mouthed kisses as his hips bucked into yours.

“fuck, i’m not gonna last if you kiss my neck like- ah- like that…”

you felt his pulse against your lips, nibbling on the skin against his collarbone. “then i better keep going, huh?”

he suddenly stopped moving. confused, you sat back up and looked at him, “what?”

“do you want to take a break?” he asked. you tilt your head, bewildered.

“no, do you?”

“do you want to take a break?” he repeated, his face deadpanning.

“what? what’s- going on, are you okay?” you were concerned. why was he acting like that?

his voice was louder this time, “do you wanna take a break?”

“no, i don’t, why do you keep asking me this?”

“do you want to take a break?” you pulled back into reality as ray’s voice broke the daydream you embarked on, not realizing how you had spaced out mid-rehearsal.

it was two in the afternoon, the chill in the air slowly seeping through the crevices of your bandmate’s basement door. chapped lips and a dry tongue had you croaking into your mic, audible gulps following each line of yours. you sweated through your flimsy shirt, shifting weights with the guitar on your neck pulling you down to the floor. restless fingers grasping stray strands of your hair to move them back into place every few seconds, making sure you looked presentable.

the distorted note on ray’s guitar rang in your ears before he muted it, leaning in your direction. the drums in the back trailed off as you practically heard frank’s eyes roll.

you roughed up your bottom lip from chewing on it like fodder. you needed to rip your hair out one follicle at a time. you wanted to scream. you wanted to slam this stupid guitar that strained your neck against the wall and storm out.

a sudden, strange pressure to be perfect in front of your bandmates took over you. before that week, you didn’t care if they saw you fuck up because you knew that they knew how good you are at what you do. you respected the band and the art just as much as they did.

did it have something to do with the sort-of life-changing information you received a few days ago? definitely not, you thought.

so why was it that when you and gerard grabbed coffee a few days ago, and he made a passing comment on the fact that ray, a good friend and the lead guitarist of your band, had a sex dream about you, you spat out hot coffee on his new jacket?

why was it that you had tuned out gerard whining over his ruined jacket because you were too busy trying to calm your heart rate?

why was it that that exact night, you dreamt about making out with ray in the backseat of his car, fogged up glasses, handprints, and all?

and why, of all that is good, did you tell gerard about this? he had not stopped teasing you about it, and it started to feel like he never would.

you could almost hear that sneaky little shit’s thoughts through his expressions- which ray was happily unaware of. gerard grabbed his mic, held it close to his open lips, and pressed his tongue against his cheek repeatedly, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, mocking your dream.

it was bad enough that your brain decided to see ray, your bandmate, in such a new light, now you were daydreaming about dry-humping in the back of his car and being called out by gerard for doing so.

if you could kill anyone at this moment, it would be that fucker.

that was the fourth time you messed up at rehearsal. arriving late, sweaty and out of breath to practice wasn’t enough, apparently. it was as if you had to piss off your bandmates further. gerard and mikey’s house was fifteen minutes away from yours, but when you woke up five minutes before band practice, you barely had time to put on a decent outfit let alone eat something, before grabbing your backpack and bolting.

so, when you ran into the brothers’ basement, you were greeted by a symphony of annoyed groans and “finally!”s, unable to meet their eyes.

you wish you started off with tiny mistakes that didn’t matter too much. you wish. first, you missed your cue to sing. second, you simply forgot the lyrics.

and anyone who said third time’s the charm,was a liar, you soon realized. you spaced out mid-song staring at the boy in front of you, long curly hair framing his eyes, fanning out over his soft lips.

fuck, not now, you scolded yourself.

“guys, i’m so fucking sorry, i just…i don’t know what’s fucking wrong with me today-” you ducked your head, hands reaching for the guitar strapped around your neck to free yourself from the weight that felt unbearable at that point.

“i can think of a reason…” gerard quipped sing-songily, cocking an eyebrow at you.

the glare you threw at him was equally as charged, making him motion at his lips as if he were locking them up and throwing away the key.

“maybe you should take a break…” ray repeated, ignoring gerard and readjusting the strap around his shoulders. frank looked like he couldn’t wait for this conversation to be over so he could start playing again. mikey was quiet as usual; he was one of the more easygoing of the bunch. no drama, nothing.

you looked up at ray, guilt painting your visage as you exhaled slowly. you knew you need a break. you know he’s right of course.

you cannot blame yourself either. the fact that you both had sex dreams about each other makes you want to chew drywall. you promised yourself you would not ever fall for any of your bandmates, not even accidentally: a promise that seemed laughably doable after the first week of knowing them.

now that you actually noticed his every movement: the way his curls bounced, the way his fingers moved like butter across the fretboard, the way he could improvise the best melodies at the drop of a hat, the way he threw his head back while experimenting on the guitar that looked like it weighed nothing to him.

it was like there were permanent rose-colored glasses surgically attached to your face that emphasized every breath and blink of the hunk of a guitarist standing in front of you. thinking about him made you feel high, and you hated the amount of pleasure you derived just from recounting every feature of his.

you couldn’t look ray in the eyes. it was way too risky. what if you start giggling for no reason, or acting weird?

“i think i’ll… go home and take a nap. maybe that’s what i need.” you accepted defeat, rubbing your temples and bending over the couch behind you to grab your backpack.

“what you need is to get lai-”

“are you okay to perform tonight?” mikey asks, interrupting his brother, the only other guy to have his head screwed tight.

oh, right. the show.

amongst the whole sex dream fiasco, you had forgotten about all your responsibilities, including the gig you signed the band up for.

you nodded, “i’ll see you all at the gig tonight. i’ll be better, i promise.” you knew they would understand, but that didn’t stop you from feeling the massive weight of guilt crush your shoulders.

“do you need me to drop you off if you’re not feeling okay? It’s no big deal,” ray offered, about to take his guitar off his shoulders.

“no!” you shrieked. too loudly. gerard snickered in the back.

it was bad enough that you couldn’t even meet ray’s eyes, you didn’t think you could handle him driving you home, sitting so close to you, his legs spread apa-

“i can go by myself. you guys should rest up too. we have practiced enough i think… not you, gee, you could warm-up a bit.” you winked at him, hoping the playfulness in your voice didn’t sugarcoat your absolute hatred for him at the moment.

the speed with which you left the stuffy basement that smelled like beer breath, shocked you (you were far from athletic). you preferred working on your music and overanalyzing movies in your own time.

getting out in the open, fresh air made you feel much better. the growing distance from ray left you feeling empty almost like a dopamine detox would.

a slight sense of relief tagged along. the jersey air nipped at your nose as you squinted your eyes and buried your chin in your coat’s neck.

at least the headphones trailing from your ears to your backpack protected your ears against the sharp chill in the air. the thin, dark-wooded trees barely harbored leaves, forming nerve-like patterns against the dark-gray sky. the crunch beneath your converse soothed your nerves a bit as the effect of the numbing cold made you forget everything for a while. the next track in your mixtape undid all that.

it was the song you heard ray play the first time you met him.

this tall nerd in g’s basement, fooling around with his guitar to play what happened to be your favorite song. quietly humming along, toothy smile as he tried new variations of the underlying riff, shaking his head to the rhythm, huge hands knowing exactly what they were doing. the mild scent of lavender in the air as watched his fingers fly across the fretboard, being painfully obvious that you were watching him closely.

you didn’t think you remembered so much of that day. maybe you already had a thing for him, and you didn’t know it.

but how could you not? being in a band with someone who was as talented as ray made you want to become a better musician. plus, the word “crush” made you wince- it was so middle school. it was more than just physical with him.

he was always there for everyone: the responsible one, the one that made sure that when the two rowdy dumbasses, g and frank, were out of line, he fixed it. the one who made sure everyone’s input was considered.

there was no doubt that you found him the most attractive in the band; the mastery of his instrument had you obsessing over learning as much as you could from him. you would spend the most time with him than any other bandmate. sharing a cig when you could, even though neither of you were addicted to it like gerard or frank were, asking him to show you how to pinch the strings even when the band was on a break from rehearsal, him enthusiastically hearing everything you had to say about the most recent movie you saw. it was comfortable. you felt safe with him.

you just never realized how important he was in your life till that day. and that made you want to throw up.

he was just a guy. he was just some dude. he was just a man. he was just a friend.

by the time you entered your apartment to kick your shoes off and lie down on your bed, the words “just a friend” became jumbled sounds. even gaslighting yourself into believing something did not work.

was he ever just your friend?

you tried recounting every interaction with him: every time you walked to his apartment with a new movie stashed in your bag that he hadn’t seen, gifting him a mixtape you made for the songs you wanted him to listen to.

adjusting his glasses for him when they were slightly knocked to the side, grabbing and shaking his thighs when you were excited about something in a movie you liked.

huh, you weren’t completely blameless.

your dreaded gaze shifted from your ceiling to the clock on the wall at three pm. three hours until your gig.

three hours until you had to see him.

you let out a wail of agony into your pillow before kicking off your clothes and shutting your eyes for what you hoped would be fifteen minutes.

you woke up an hour later, groggy and nauseous from the ill-timed nap. you panicked for a few seconds before realizing you were on time for your show.

it wasn’t like you hadn’t played in front of people before. you had performed maybe fifteen shows with the rest of the boys for even bigger bars than you were about to tonight.

but of course, that night was different, because you would carry the curse of knowing you liked someone you should not be liking.

he was your bandmate. mixing business with pleasure was never a good idea, from the countless movies you had seen with ray himself. you knew this was a bad idea. but something about wanting something you cannot have just made it more enticing.

you did know not to let this interfere with the show. your work was always the bigger priority; not some stupid crush that was probably just a temporary effect of the dream.

after tripping on your way to your bathroom sink, you splashed cold water on your face to snap yourself out of sleep. an all-black ensemble; a tank top and jeans; to go with the slightly expensive shoes you saved up for was enough self-decor. you weren’t a fan of showing skin: usually seen with sweaters or cardigans and sweatpants, but you didn’t mind it for performances. especially that night.

yawning and climbing through your clothes, you dragged the tip of the eyeliner over your eyelids and on your waterline before taking your finger and smudging it. you were glad that this sort of rushed make-up satiated your desire to look good. gerard or frank, on the other hand… they went all out.

but to your pure disappointment, it had only been ten minutes.

well, fuck.

when you met your band after that disaster of a rehearsal, you made your ability to make gold out of pure shit work wonders for you. an annoying smile on your face and a strong avoidance of any eye-contact with ray had you at the perfect headspace for the performance.

even when he said hi to you, you simply nodded at him and turned your attention to your guitar in the green room, practicing and focusing on the technique and the order of the chords.

the turnout was more than you had expected. as much as you hated to admit it, gerard was the best frontman, frankie headbanged his way through the show, mikey and ray played next to and off of each other, engrossed in their performances. your stiff, focused posture received multiple side-eyed glances by your bandmates, especially mikey, but you couldn't care less

you didn’t miss cues, you remembered the lyrics, and you, surprisingly, improvised on your solo. just a little more than the bare minimum. you could work with that. you just wanted that night to end as fast as possible.

but of course, just like everything else, gerard had to make your life harder.

your attempt to drink yourself to normalcy didn’t pan out. as soon as you sprinted to the bar to get a drink (or ten) in you, you heard gerard talk about a “kickback” at his place. an afterparty, he explained. it wasn’t like you could tell him no, you lived fifteen minutes away from him, and more importantly, he could sniff out a lie when he needed to.

when you saw gerard sneak out after the show to the band’s van, you followed him, ready to confront him and get away from the crowd yelling and screaming around ray, frank, and mikey.

gerard leaned against the van, lighting up a cigarette, the flame casting a dim orange hue over his face. you catch up to him and flick the back of that idiot’s head.

“ow! the fuck was that for?” he exclaimed, trying to hit you back on your arm, but you were already away from his reach.

“you know exactly what that was for!” you yelled, slamming back into the van's door, sulking, turning to the left to stare daggers into your cherry-haired friend’s face.

“tell me the truth. did you tell ray about my dream?”

“that’s what you’ve been worried about? no, you freak!” gerard scowls, “you know i don’t gossip!”

“then why did you tell me ray’s secret?” you counter.

“because it wasn’t a secret! the others know about it too! he told them!”

“but he didn’t tell me, you asshole. that’s what makes it a secret.” you seethed, trying to flick his forehead.

he covered his head with his hands trying to swat yours away, “okay, alright i fucked up! he just didn’t make it seem as big a deal as you did, so i thought it was okay to tell you.”

oh.

you went back to stand with your back against the van, the cool metal suddenly sending sharp shivers down your spine. a rude reality check. your lungs flattened, a blunt punch to the gut making you instantly nauseous. why did you not think about that? of course it wasn’t a big deal to him. you guys were friends after all. just friends.

the older man, noticing the obvious change in energy, tried covering up, “maybe he wanted us to tell you because he was too scared to tell you himself..”

you stayed quiet, leaning against the car window, letting the chill in the night envelop your sweaty skin. the adrenaline rush of having performed seemed to have crashed as you felt your feet turn jelly.

gerard blew smoke out, ashing it between the two of you. the smell of tobacco and nicotine enveloped you, almost like a comforting hug amidst the sharp twinges of the wind.

gerard extended his cigarette to you, “i’m sorry.”

you didn’t speak. the cigarette fit perfectly between the gap of your index and middle finger, like it was crafted for your digits, you realized, sipping it slowly.

the slow burn of the smoke in your lungs almost made you want to choke almost instantly, but you fought back, blowing out the cloud of cancer.

“i think i see why you smoke… you probably go through this every day with frank, huh?” you tried pullingyour friend’s leg, earning a swift punch on your arm.

“you’re a dick.” he said, choking out smoke, clearly surprised by the sudden jab at the state of his pathetic love life.

“you love me.” you stated with a smile, sucking the last of the cigarette before crushing it under your feet and dragging open the door of the van. “when are we going to learn?”

“before we die, i hope.” he answered you, climbing into the passenger seat.

before you knew it, mikey, ray, and frank ran back to the car, a chorus of laughter following them. you straightened up at the sound of ray’s voice and hoped to god he doesn’t sit next to you in the car.

god, however, seemed to have a personal vendetta against you because mikey decided to drive, leaving only you and ray in the backseat.

frank, for some reason, decided not to come with. said he was “busy.”

99% chance he was about to hook up with a dude whose name frank wouldn’t remember the next morning. scratch that, he definitely already forgot. you admired frank for his ability to fuck randos in bars and then forget about them the next morning. anonymous orgasms, he called them. as much as you hated it, you wanted to be like him. be carefree. be selfish. not some loser who, through the fault of their idiot, red-haired friend, developed a possibly destructive crush on their band member which would absolutely interfere with their day-to-day activities.

ray scooted into the backseat, telling mikey to turn the radio on as he rolled down the window near him, “i feel fuckin alive right now.”

“i know, those cheers had crack in ‘em. not one heckler either!” gerard added with an overtrying smile, clearly trying to recover from the fact that frankie was about to fuck a complete stranger, a whole year after their (secret) one night stand.

you felt ray look at you from the corner of your eyes but told yourself he was looking at your window.

you liked lying to yourself.

he shifted further in your direction and casually laid a hand out. a move so subtle, it would’ve seemed normal to the naked eye. a guitarist stretching his fingers after a show wasn’t uncommon, certainly not questionable. but you. you knew exactly what he was doing.

and you did not care for it.

“he didn’t make it as big a deal as you did.” why. why. why did you do this to yourself.

if it were acceptable, you would have hit yourself but you didn’t because you had to look like you didn’t care. you had to look like you didn’t care that ray could tell you were bothered without you having to say a word. you didn’t care that he was caring and still wanted to talk to you after the way you treated him.

and you loathed yourself for it.

he was nice to everyone. he was observant with everyone. right?

ray, however, did not remove his hand from near your thigh, almost bumping into your leg multiple times as the car rode over bumpers.

“drive properly, way!” you barked, looking back at the buildings and cars whooshing by in a blur.

you tried your hardest not to be part of any conversation by sulking into your seat so much that you hoped you would turn invisible.

by the time you reached gerard’s place, you were positive you wanted to drink yourself into the next morning because you did not want to remember anything. having a crush never bode well with you, and you were starting to think that it would never.

you were the first one at the cooler in his basement to fish out two beers and camp on the right end of the couch. the soft, sinking cushions had you exhaling in relief as you cracked open the beer.

ray, mikey, and then later, gerard filtered into the room, taking seats on the floor, or the ottoman.

and of course, ray sat on the small couch. right next to you.

his thigh pressed up against yours, his (huge) hands covering his knees as he shifted back and forth to make himself comfortable. g threw him and mikey a can each before perching on the ottoman and turning the tv on.

as you chugged the beer, you ignored the heat radiating off ray’s body; the scent of cologne mixed with sweat from tonight’s performance made you straighten your posture. there was a dull throb between your legs from the sudden contact he made, but of course, you did what you did best.

ignored it.

the more you drank, however, the harder it became to ignore it. so much so, that you crossed your legs and leaned away from him onto the armrest for some well needed friction.

then, ray spilled beer on his pants.

it was an accident. ray was fixated on the tv— some cheap horror flick that g thought would be hilarious to make fun of. ray, no matter how tall and buff, was a pussy. so when that jumpscare hit and instead of laughing like g and mikey, his body jerked, he spilled his whole drink on his pants, muttering a string of “fuck”s that caught g’s attention over the loud volume of the tv.

“oh, toro, don’t tell me you fucked up my couch!” gerard whined, again, getting up from his seat, flailing his arms.

“dude, i’m sorry, i wasn’t expecting to jump..” ray trailed off, rising to his feet to look down at his pants. mikey tugged ray’s arm to the door, “come on, i have some clothes you can wear.”

gerard, noticing that you looked… off, offered you a water bottle from the cooler. you chugged the bottle, cherishing the moisture that your dry throat needed and looked at your friend whose gaze bathed you in such pity that you wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

“it’s that bad, huh?”

you dropped your head in his lap, groaning and getting back up to lay across the couch, “g, i don’t know what to do with myself.”

“you were normal a few days ago, why can’t you just... be normal again?” he questioned, humor coating his voice.

“you’re saying that? miss i-wanna-fuck-frank-so-bad-i’ll-sit-through-him-fucking-the-whole-town-before-me?” you snapped, in no mood to joke around.

“touche. i’ll just go fuck myself, i guess.” he got up to walk back to his seat, genuinely sounding hurt.

“i was kidding, g. please tell me what to do. please?” you begged, hoping he would notice the sincerity of your words.

gerard pretended to think about his options for a moment before sitting back down, “fine, only because you asked nicely.” you sat up, ready to hear genuine advice.

“you need to tell him.”

“you have ten seconds to get the fuck away from me before i kil-”

“think about it!” he prefaced, “the longer you let your crush on ray stew, the more painful it’s going to be. just tell him and get it over with!”

not that gerard didn’t have a point, but it’s that you wanted a simpler, less confrontational way of solving this problem.

“what if it makes things awkward?” you whined, sulking your shoulders.

“you know ray doesn’t care about any of that right? he’s like the calmest person on the planet, and he cares about you.” gerard informed, walking back to his seat at the sound of crescendoing footsteps.

ray entered the basement before mikey, a new pair of pants that looked strange at first.

he was in grey sweats, mikey’s clearly, they hugged his legs and rode up at his ankles but he didn’t seem to mind. the moment he walked under the light, your eyes immediately threw their focus on gerard who was also looking back at you, noticing the obvious elephant in the room.

jesus fuck, was he hung. it was hard not to stare at the obvious dickprint against the cotton fabric of his sweats. gerard let out a “look at that” whistle, knowing exactly what was going through your mind.

“these are kind of tight, huh?” ray addressed, to nobody in particular, stretching his legs and adjusting the fabric around waist. a jolt of energy traveled between your legs as you watched him adjust himself in those pants.

gerard, tired of your pussyfooting, talked to you directly, “you wanna go home already?”

huh?

you looked up at him, confused, trying to figure out what was cooking in his head, “what? when did-”

“aww, shucks. i wish you could stay longer. well, i guess ray will have to drive you home since you’ve had a beer already!” he was bad at being subtle, to say the least.

what. the. fuck.

your eyes widened. you wanted to punch that fucker’s face in so bad. you weren’t ready. especially after what you saw.

“yeah, totally, um. are you okay with that?” ray asked you, his lips looking pinker than ever. almost like he was begging you.

no. no. no. nope. you were not-

“sure!” your mouth had a mind of its own.

-you were going with him.

gerard smiled sickly sweetly at you before turning off the tv and walking towards the door, a sign for everyone else to get the fuck out. you flipped him off before turning to ray and walking ahead of him so that you did not see. that.

you couldn’t get the image out of your head. sweet, guitar-nerd ray, had a huge-

“good job performing today.” ray muttered, looking down at you, breaking your horny train of thought.

“oh! uh, thanks. and you were uh-” fuck, quick think of a word, “breathtaking.”

great going, idiot. if he didn’t already know before, he definitely knows now.

“that is the first time anyone has ever used that word for me,” he chuckled, “but thanks…” his voice that was usually husky and light, now levering lower than usual.

at that moment, you wished for any god out there to take you. the embarrassment was too much.

crickets chirped in the starless night as the two of you walked through the stone-laid path between grass. your tank top was purely decorative at that point, doing barely any work to protect you from the cold. ray, a gentleman, noticed you shiver, and of-fucking-course offered you his jacket.

“won’t you be cold?” you asked through chattering teeth, hugging yourself.

“nah, im wearing a thick shirt underneath. you might as well be naked right now,” he commented, eyeing your tank top.

a furious blush rose to your cheeks at his comment. something about the way he said it, made your breath hitch, as if it implied that he had consciously thought about you naked.

ray stopped to give you his zip-up hoodie as he tore it off his torso, the hem of his tight black shirt riding up to reveal the tuft of hair trailing down his underwear. you gulped involuntarily as you watched him adjust his shirt underneath and place the jacket around your shoulders. you never realized just how tall he was before he towered over you; your eyeline was at his chest.

fuck, this wasn’t helping the butterflies in your stomach.

you thanked him, trying not to look into his eyes too much before walking to his car. ray took a beat before starting toward his car again, almost as if he was waiting for something.

his car was new— well, as new as a second-hand car could be—painted in jet black with the plate reading “jet-star” some reference to his favorite comic book series. you chuckled under your breath before climbing in, trying to warm up fast so that you wouldn’t need his stupid jacket anymore, with his stupid scent of soap, cologne, and sweat, and the stupid warmth that you definitely wanted to steal from him.

you tapped your feet nervously against the floor of the car, as if that would get you closer to your apartment somehow.

ray walked over to the driver’s seat, mirroring you and strapping on his seatbelt. he was huge. no, not just like that, but physically. larger than you in every aspect. as his fingers reached for his keys, you noticed his pants shift, igniting every dirty thought in your mind.

fuck. fuckity fuck.

“you comfy?” he asked, looking behind the car. you nodded, noticing that he placed his hand on the back of your headrest and started to back up.

you didn’t know whether it was him leaning so close to you, or the hand he threw over your seat, but your stomach would be a gold medalist gymnast for the sheer amount of times it flipped. you noticed the freckles he had, somehow more prominent under the dim orange light of his car, forming miniature constellations on his face. you were well aware that you were staring but you didn’t care anymore.

it was better you told him. you had been this way for two days already, and your condition was only getting worse. it was like ray had cast a love spell on you, and you couldn’t get rid of it no matter what you tried distracting yourself with.

ray’s eyes flickered to your face, previously brown now hazel under the light. you had never felt safer in your entire life as you did then.

he broke into a smile, “what? is there something on my face?” he asked, his left hand flying to his cheek gauging for something to pluck out.

you shook your head, edge of your lips curving up in fondness, “you know, you’re really pretty.”

instantly, he furrowed his eyebrows, clearly taken aback, “huh-what? where is this coming from? did you drink too much? you know you’ve been acting weird all day, what’s with yo-”

it was time, “g told me, you know.”

he tilted his head, like he was trying to recall what you were talking about, “about wha-”

your heart was in your throat, every beat vibrating your torso. it was then or never.

“the fucking sex dream, toro.” you deadpanned, sitting up and facing him.

“oh. that…” he trailed off, taking his hand off your headrest and resting them on his thighs. “listen, i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, which is why i didn’t tell you. i didn’t want to weird you out.” he explained, avoiding eye-contact.

your gaze was fixated on his face, listening to every single word carefully.

“is it true?” you asked, turning toward him and unbuckling your seat belt since the car was no longer moving. confusion washed over his face as he unknowingly fidgeted his fingers.

“do you feel that way about me?” your heart pounded so hard, you wouldn’t be surprised if ray could hear it too. ray looked ahead, his eyes glued to the road ahead. the faint noise of static from the radio dwindled in the air, alleviating your anxiety just a bit.

“do you?” he whispered, like he just gave away a secret.

you stumbled over your words, not expecting to be interrogated in his place, “i asked first,”

“and i’m asking you now. do you feel… that way about me?” a mixture of hesitance and expectation brewed in his tone.

your palms turned white hot, eyes widening at the accusation. you knew that the more time you took to answer him, the more obvious your feelings would be. on one hand, you wanted to tell the truth. on the other hand, you feared the worst of what could happen.

what if he didn’t feel the same way? what if this was just a ploy to get you to confess and then leave you high and dry. what if-

time moved slowly. ray let go of the steering wheel, placing his hand on your cheek, warmth spreading over your face. his fingers caressed your cheekbone, eyes looking into yours and dipping down to your lips, “tell me you don’t feel that way about me… and i’ll pull away and we will go back to being…” he looked up at your eyes, “just friends.”

the hands that were once on your thighs, gripping them out of nervousness, now tangled in his curly locks, guiding his lips to yours.

you could feel your organs jump from excitement, fingers roaming and threading his hair as he kissed you. his soft, plump lips guided yours skillfully, making you moan into his mouth. ray smiled against you and gently pulled back.

he leaned his forehead against yours. you breathed out slowly “you have no idea how long i have wanted to do this for.”

“me too. i can’t believe i’m kissing y-”

“less talking, more making out, toro.” you interrupted, pulling him in, by the collar of his tight shirt, making him gasp in surprise before pressing his mouth to yours again. his hands trailed from your face to your waist, covering half your torso.

he handled your waist like he was scared to break you, fingertips ghosting over your skin, itching to sneak underneath the fabric of your shirt and feel you. an accidental contact of his arms and your thighs made you arch into him, arms automatically hooking behind his neck.

you moaned without a care in the world, leaning back into your seat and pulling him on top of you, ready to be ravaged.

“ray …” you whimpered through the kisses, “please just-”

“not yet, i need to savor this-” his lips latched to your neck, “need to taste you.”

you bucked your hips in desperation, your arousal getting unbearable. you never knew ray was this experienced. he did mention being in relationships here and there, but he was never like frank or mikey, open to anyone.

he nibbled gently on your ear as you pawed at his broad, firm chest, “toro, you didn’t tell me you- fuck- worked out.”

“there’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he said through heavy breaths, trailing kisses down your neck to your collarbones. he looked up at you, fingers grabbing the hem of your tank top. you nodded, giving him permission to take it off you.

as you were about to lift your back up to get rid of the flimsy black fabric, ray’s hand snuck under your shirt, supporting and lifting your back as his other hand swiped the tank top off you in one go. his fingers almost spanned your entire back, placing you back down as you lay there shirtless.

the leather seats were uncomfortably cold, making you shiver in response. the everloving, observant man on top of you let you go and moved back into the driver’s seat, pulling the lever under his seat, reclining as low as the seats could go, “get on top.”

the sheer gray fabric of his pants now stretched as his legs spread apart, leaving virtually nothing to the imagination. your lips parted in surprise, your gut twisting deliciously. you grabbed his thigh for support as you climbed into his lap, thighs straddling his waist.

in a moment of deja-vu, you giggled softly, looking away from the man beneath you.

“what? what’s so funny?” ray asked, amused, shifting closer to your hips.

“this is exactly how it went it my dream.” you confessed, shifting your gaze to him, receiving a cocked eyebrow.

“you dreamt about fucking me in a car?” he asked, barely censoring himself like he usually would.

that earned him a playful smack on his torso, his calloused fingers drawing circles on the small of your back. you arched into his touch, trying to explain your dream. ray, however, barely focused on what you said, was distracted by your chest. hardened nipples adorned with piercings met his eyeline, and he wasted no time to kiss one of your pecs and lick them, making your voice go an octave higher.

“ray, fuck, please…” you begged for nothing, grinding down on his hips, feeling him move against your crotch.

“tell me more about your dream, was i any good?” he gave you a toothy smirk, cock stirring in his pants.

“you were so good, oh my god, you went do-” you croaked as he surprised you by pushing your hips down on his clothed dick, “you made me cum on your tongue so many times,” you answered, your digits creeping under his tight shirt, feeling his happy trail against your fingertips. you heard ray gasp softly and throw his head back at your sudden touch.

taking a mental note, you played with the band of his — mikey’s— sweatpants, leaning down to his ear to whisper, “can i? please?”

he groaned, roaming his hand up your back and down to the flesh of your ass, “yes. please, now.”

his voice exuded desperation, bottom lip jutted out in anticipation.

you climbed out of his lap and onto the floor of the car, knees resting against the floor mats. you placed careful kisses on his stomach, ambling them down his v-line. licking your lips, you hooked your fingers under his waistband, slowly pulling them off him. the pace at which the fabric dragged across his shaft made him buck his hips into nothing.

his cock jumped at the first contact with your fingers. you wrapped them around his impressive length, obviously not able to make a fist around his girth.

you weren’t a complete stranger to oral sex, but the sheer size of ray’s dick made you a bit nervous. you didn’t realize how you were already salivating at the sight of his hard, throbbing dick, palms feeling up his inner thighs and trailing up his hips, lips inching closer to his tip.

“you ready?” you asked, one final check before you crossed the friendship line forever.

“yes, definitely yes, but are you? i wanna make sure that yo-”

you cut him off with your tongue circling the tip of his cock, the saliva accumulating slowly dribbling down to his cock. ray threw his head back, cursing under his breath at the sensation of your warm tongue around his dick. he looked down at you through his bottom lashes, licking a stripe up the underside before taking him in your mouth, a visual he had been aching for.

the warmth of your mouth made him fist your hair as you moaned at the feeling of your hair being pulled, sending vibrations up his cock.

hollowing out your mouth, you sunk your mouth down on him, one hand resting on his thigh, massaging it slowly.

tears prickling, you let your drool lubricate him and drip further down before pulling him out with a pop. your drool mixed with his precum connected the edge of your bottom lip to his tip.

“you keep going like that, and i’ll be useless to you,” he gasped out, breathing heavily like he did not expect you to treat him so well.

the corner of your mouth twitched up before coiling the string of saliva around your thumb and smearing it against the slit of his tip, etching an embarrassingly loud moan from him.

“what the actual fuck…” he was enamored by you.

“how many times have you thought about me like this, toro? gagging over your cock on my knees?” you kissed his thighs, fist pumping him slowly. he felt better in your mouth than anybody else had. like his dick was made for you.

“too many fucking times to remember if i’m being honest…” he answered you immediately, twitching at your mercy.

before you could ask him another question that would make him blush furiously, turning his cheeks pink, he continued, “ever since i saw you in that choker g gifted you on your birthday... i haven’t been able to stop thinking about how easy it would be to break that fucking thing with me deep in your throat.” he mewled, the inside of his eyebrows twisting up in pleasure.

one your hands flew to ray’s leg for support, your hips involuntarily bucking against his ankle at his comment.

“fuck, why didn’t you tell me sooner, toro?” you asked, finally seeking friction against his leg, “you’re a pussy…” you wanted to provoke him.

“you are what you eat,” he countered, tossing the ball in your court.

this is what attracted you to ray in the first place. his ability to go along with whatever you said because he knew you would never say anything in bad faith. he liked you. he wanted you.

your cheeks grew hotter with every second, relishing the fact that you were exactly where you have wanted to be for a while.

he saw you blush furiously at his confession before you twisted your grip and pumped him faster, gathering spit at the tip of your tongue. ray’s fingers grabbed a fistful of your hair before lowering you onto his cock.

you spat on the tip, earning a guttural groan from him. you wasted no time to wrap your lips around him once again, closing your eyes and letting him reach deeper down your throat with every stroke.

“you feel- so fucking- oh my god-” he spewed out nonsense as you went further every time you came back up for air. ray’s thighs twitched, knees leaning toward each other, trapping you between his legs.

his grip on your hair tightened, pulling at and scratching your scalp more than before. now that you were between his legs, his cock bottomed out in your mouth, you felt your throat contract around his tip, his thighs pressing your mouth further on his dick.

ray swore that he would have simply cum from the sounds you made choking and crying over his dick. your eyeliner had bled down from your waterline to your chin, the tears and drool painting your face pathetic.

your jaw hurt from cockwarming the man above you, but he clearly seemed to enjoy the show you put on. gasping and smiling down at you like he does at his shows when he shreds on his guitar. the adrenaline all too familiar to him, yet enthralling as ever.

“you make me crazy… fuck i’m so close,” he announced, biting his bottom lip.

your left hand, with a mind of its own, walked up his thighs to cup his balls. his cock jerked in your mouth before you took him in fully, your nose pressed up against his happy trail.

“fuck, i’m coming, oh fuck oh fuck-” he wailed, pressing you further down on him before spilling his cum down your throat, twitching with each wave of orgasm taking over his body. you pulled your mouth off his dick, rubbing against his ankle, chasing the high you had built up so far.

with each swallow you rocked against his leg faster, falling apart quickly. as you tripped over the edge of orgasm, ray bumped his leg up, meeting you halfway. white light engulfed you as you shut your eyes, riding your orgasm out for as long as possible.

“fuck, you came just from humping my leg?” ray asked, astonished. your head fell into his lap, drawing small circles on the side of his thighs before kissing up. rising from your knees, you climbed back into his lap, giving him enough room to put his sweatpants back on.

“was that good?” you asked, looking down at him, hands at his waist.

his hands stroked your cheeks, fingers nudging your chin toward him. the aftershocks of your orgasm made it hard for you to rise to the seat, your grip on his thighs tightening for support. he grabbed your hips, pulling you up easily.

heavy-lidded gazes entwining, the warmth of his arms around your torso pulled the corners of your lips up.

ray didn’t even have to answer you. he craned his neck to kiss you, tasting himself on your lips. you nibbled on his bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan from him.

“why didn’t we do this earlier?” you ask softly, pulling back and looking into his eyes.

“better late than never,” he sighed, slowly closing his eyes shut, “i’ve wanted you…”

your heartbeat quickened.

“...for so damn long.”

butterflies. those damn butterflies made your heart feel like it was budding something new. something exciting.

“well you can’t get rid of me now,” you smiled, admiring the freckles on his skin; sweat glistening on his neck. the bite marks you left bloomed in reddish-violet hues under the dim light of the car. fogged car windows giving you the illusion of privacy as you kissed the corner of his mouth before climbing off of him and back to your seat.

“you’re coming over right?” you asked, looking ahead. you were not going to fuck this up.

“thought you’d never ask,” he stated simply, turning the car on and stepping on the gas.

_________________

an: heyyy!! thank u for reading!! mcr brainrot has me by the throat... lmk if u liked it :)

[xocasper]

I wanna read Ray toro hurting me (sexually) and enjoying it (sexually) cuz of his enormous cock (sexually)

this ask is so funny so i'm posting the excerpt under it. here is ray toro x fem reader sadomasochism/size kink/literally fucks you dumb AND numb but he's really nice about it/dacryphilia/straight up porn by yours truly. enjoy xoxo

his cock is buried inside of you, stretching you open more than his fingers ever could. it’s a snug fit but you take him so well, biting your lip to distract yourself from the burn. it hurts in the best way possible, and your shallow breathing fills the silence as he pushes deeper.

“take all of it for me,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

you feel like he's going to split you open, letting out a soft sob and squeezing your eyes shut, trying to prevent them from watering. he notices, caressing your cheek and shushing you softly. he knows you can take it. he’s never bottomed out, knowing how sensitive you are, but you swore that you could handle it. you want to behave for him, letting him stuff you full of his cock like a good girl should. he wouldn’t push you if didn’t want this, and he's watching you carefully to make sure he still has your consent.

“look at you, my pretty girl,” he coos, watching his cock disappear inside of you, nearly every inch enveloped in warmth. “you’re doing so well.”

another cry spills out, muffled as you clasp your hand over your mouth, clenching hard around him. he moans and your thighs threaten to close, but his hands swiftly move to pry them open. he’s so close, giving a sudden push and sinking in completely. tears well in your eyes and you quickly blink them away, but he’s already seen them. it’s totally sadistic, but it turns him on more to see you like that. you’re crying over his cock, quiet sobs escaping you because he's too big for his sweet girl. but you’re so obedient, suffering through the unbearable stretch and digging your nails into his biceps, taking a shaky breath before telling him to continue.

“please,” you beg, voice teetering on the edge of breakage. “please move.”

you sound vastly uncertain, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried. “are you sure?”

his voice is so gentle, and he’s caressing your thighs as if he’ll shatter you. his delicacy has your heart pounding, and you answer with as much confidence as you can. “yes, please.” 

god, you’re so fucking good to him. slowly, he pulls his hips back, listening to you gasp as your muscles contract again. just as soon though, he’s pushing back in, and the burn and hot tears return. yet, everything’s alright—you’re into the pain as much as he is, moaning at the stretch and soaking his cock.

“you’re doing so well,” he murmurs, lazily rolling his hips against yours. “gonna let me come inside you, baby? fill this pretty pussy up?”

you nod, whining as he nestles himself inside of you. in almost every way, you’re his, fueling his lust even further. it’s insatiable, and ray’s barely holding himself back as his hips rock against yours. he loses focus for a moment and tunes into his desires, giving a particularly harsh thrust, only for his eyes to shoot open and down to you. his first thought is to coddle you and apologize, but your lips are parted and you’re squeezing the life out of his arms. you’re enjoying it, and he can’t help but pause to admire you, briefly falling out of rhythm.

you’re at war with yourself. it hurts, but he's holding you close and gazing down at you like you hung the fucking moon. the pain makes your head spin, twisting into a sick sort of pleasure, and you're moaning at the warmth it brings. he's filling the air with the same sounds, and it makes everything remarkably easier. it's all in your head, and with a bit of effort, you can focus on ray. how he's feeling, how perfect he thinks you are for letting him use you. it's arousing, and you grip his arms a little tighter at his imaginary praise.

it’s not long before you're numb to the pain, your head too cloudy to feel anything, really. ray's pulling you a little closer as his pace picks up, his touch as loving as ever. your eyes flutter open to see his staring back, swimming with a foreign hunger. he’s always so gentle—he takes care of you, always meeting your needs and making sure that you’re okay. but now? you don’t really want to be okay. you want to see him basking in euphoria and moaning as he comes inside you, blissed-out after using you to fulfill his own fantasies.

“more,” is all you can manage, the word coming out as a whimper.

it’s a simple request, but it still surprises him. ray would never deny you anything, although he still glances down to make sure you’re certain. “really?” he breathes, panting as he shines with sweat.

he sounds hopeful, so you nod, moaning as he thrusts a bit harder. “mhm, god, please,” you beg, the words running together until you can barely understand yourself.

his name is on your tongue and it’s spoken like a prayer, desperate and pleading for him to ruin you. there's a building pressure, and everything starts to feel tense. he’s growing rougher, head falling forward as he moans without restraint, gripping your thighs and pounding into you until it hurts. even as the tears begin to fall, you can’t tell him to stop. you can’t take this from him, so you slur obscenities and cling to him like your life depends on it. and it’s worth it, because he looks so pretty behind the mess of curls, pupils blown and cheeks flushed. you’re the one who did this to him, wrecking him the same way he’s wrecking you.

it all starts to fade, becoming too much, too quick, and the pressure lifts. you’re oblivious to tears that roll down your cheeks and how you’re so much louder than he is. you’re just staring up at him with wide, watery eyes that beg him to come. warmth ripples through you but you hardly notice, too delirious and drunk on his touch to revel in it. no, you’re focused on him.

“look at you,” he muses again, so in awe at the sight before him.

it’s like he can’t believe that this is real. you’re a dream, his fairytale girl. you're so perfect and kind, giving everything you have to him, even if it hurts. he’s more aware of your orgasm than you are, feeling you tighten around him in repetition until his body’s doing the same. he’s panting and his hips are stuttering, thighs tensing up and he thrusts one final time. his word is good, and you watch as he comes inside you, focus melting into bliss as his breathing evens out. you’re still gazing up at him and he’s half convinced that he broke you. he carefully pulls out and memorizes the scene—your lax figure and stained cheeks, all proof of your perfection.

it’s quiet, save for his murmured praise. he kisses your temple, soft and easy, cradling you like a china doll. it’s like you’ve forgotten how to move, still so numb, but you take a rattled breath and form a few words.

“did i do good?”

he’s surprised that you have to ask, but he wastes no time reassuring you. “you did wonderful.”

you sniffle and roll onto your side, ignoring the stickiness that coats your thighs. everything else seems trivial—all you need is ray, his warmth and comfort, making sure you’re alright before he leaves to clean up. and he does, letting you nuzzle into his chest and play with his hair. his arms wrap around your waist and he pulls you closer, resting his head on top of yours until you’re drowsy and okay. that’s all that matters to him.

your eyes fall shut, and there’s a light dip in the mattress when he gets up, leaving a cold emptiness in his wake. it’s not long until he returns though, placing water on the nightstand and wiping the mess away. you don’t register much more than that, just his embrace and a hint of pride as the same thought orbits your head.

you did good.

[m00ngbin]

hey......... itd be a real shame if you started ranting about the demolition lovers and the stories and lore behind the mcr albums.........................

OH MY GOD YES IT WOULD BE. SUCH A SHAME.

Ok so everyone already knows that mcr like originally started in September of 2001 because Gerard Way and his brother Mikey Way were living in New Jersey when the twin towers fell and Gerard saw it happen because allegedly he was meeting with Cartoon Network executives about a cartoon idea he had and he was like "this was super traumatizing I'm going to start a band where I can vent everything out through songs." (Great idea)

So he starts the band with his brother, (bass), Ray Toro, (main guitarist and backup vocalist), and Matt Pelisser, (drummer), (mainly Matt Pelisser), and in 2002 they release their first album, (MY FAVORITE), I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. (Eventually Frank Iero, (backup vocalist and rhythm guitarist), joins the band but he wasn't there when they formed. He WAS featured on two songs in Bullets though, Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For Both Of Us and Early Sunsets Over Monroeville).

The first song they ever wrote, Skylines and Turnstiles, is about Gerard's feelings about 9/11. It's technically the seventh track on the album but yk. STILL THE FIRST.

Most of Bullets is ab the band members' lives growing up and their experiences watching 9/11 but it's also where they start coming up with the storyline for the Demolition Lovers. ANRJSHEKRJ I LOVE THE DEMOLITION LOVERS

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge/Demolition Lovers

Ok so the Demolition Lovers storyline is a little confusing and mostly up for interpretation. MY interpretation is that in the song Demolition Lovers, (from the Bullets album), the Lovers are running away from unknown people in the middle of a desert, where they're both shot.

The Demolition Man dies and goes to hell, while the Demolition woman ends up in a coma. (I THINK SHES IN A COMA BC OF THE DRAWING IN THE LINER ART FOR REVENGE WHERE SHES IN THE HOSPITAL).

Then the Revenge album picks up where Bullets left off and we learn that the Demolition Man is told by the devil that if he goes back to earth and kills 1000 evil men he'll be allowed to see the Demolition Woman again.

Of course the Demolition Man is so desperate to see the Demolition Woman again that he says yes, so he goes back to Earth and Give 'Em Hell, Kid starts the story.

He starts in New Orleans and takes a train to an unspecified other place to begin the task. He's really remorseful about it, but he gets super drugged up to stay awake while he finds these 1000 evil men. Atp the Demolition Woman starts feeling kind of abandoned bc I guess she never realized that he had died and she has no clue what he's doing.

The next song, I'm Not Okay, is supposed to touch on how the Demolition Lovers' relationship was kind of toxic and ALLEGEDLY this was originally supposed to be the last song on the album, where it ends with the Demo Man's suicide. Obviously we knew that the Demo Lovers didn't have the most stable relationship but this song was supposed to highlight how bad it was

In the song Ghost Of You, the Demo Man starts reflecting on his actions and how much he misses the Demo Woman. At this point he's worrying that either he won't be able to kill enough people or he'll just never be able to see her again.

Jetset starts with the Demo Man finally getting out of jail and finding a new partner for his killing spree. She wants the relationship to be more, but the Demo Man is still hung up on the Demo Woman. (Obviously, if he wasn't he wouldn't be doing all of this.) Both the Demo Man and the partner are addicted to drugs at this point, the Demo Man mainly so that he can stay awake and cope with what he's doing.

In Hang 'Em High he starts doubting that he can go through with killing all of these people and starts thinking that if he fails, the Demo Woman should go on without him. In Fashion Statement/Deathwish, he regains his confidence and gets much closer to his goal. He realizes though, that even if he does succeed death will eventually bring the Lovers apart again.

In between Fashion Statement/Deathwish and Cemetery Drive the Demolition Woman gets out of the hospital and kills herself. (Helena doesn't technically fit with most of the story but I like to think that it's the Demo Man going to her funeral).

In Cemetery Drive the Demolition Man visits her grave and finally gets to 999 evil men. It's at this point that he realizes that he's been tricked by the devil. He'd killed 999 evil men, but since the devil made him a murderer, he was the 1000th.

In For A Living the Demo Man accepts that he'll never be able to see the Demo Woman again and kills himself. He finally reaches 1000 evil souls and so he actually IS able to reunite with the Demolition Woman in hell.

ARKAHSGFJS. I LOVE THE DEMOLITION LOVERS STORY SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I LOSE MY MIND THINKING ABOUT THEM EVERY DAY. Also like. Disclaimer you don't want a relation like the Demolition Lovers had. I didn't get super into it but their shit was FUCKED UP. Every time I see someone say that they wish they and their bf are just like the demo lovers I have a "hm." moment bc like. Did you even listen to ANY of the songs mentioning them?? Did you read ab their lore?? Do you know ANYTHING about them???

I'm not a gatekeeper or anything I swear I just don't think people should be saying that they want a relationship just like that

OH I TOTALLY FORGOT, during the Bullets tour era Gerard had a faux leather jacket that he wore so often and didn't wash that it literally disintegrated because of his sweat. I think most people know that but what they don't know is that there were TWO leather jackets that he disintegrated. One of them completely fell apart and the other one just lost one of the arms

THE BLACK PARADE

Ok listen I love the back parade but I'm not going to say AS much about it bc I spent most of my time hyperfixated on the Demo Lovers story and Danger Days so I don't know everything. (REMEMBER EVERYTHING I SAY IS AN INTERPRETATION DONT YELL AT ME IF YOU THINK SOMETHING ELSE)

Ok so the album starts with The End, where we learn about The Patient. He's dying and he probably won't be missed, and we get a reflection of his life and his fear of dying.

In Dead!, we learn about The Patient's diagnosis and prognosis. He has cancer and he doesn't have very long to live, maybe two weeks at the MOST. The first verse of the song, ("Did you get what you deserve? The ending of your life," (not said by him)), suggests that maybe The Patient is kind of a piece of shit and he deserves to die. The Patient is deep in denial atp, he's refusing to acknowledge that he's dying but he also wants it to be over.

This Is How I Disappear has The Patient reach out to a past lover, letting them know that they'll be the only one to remember him, and he begs them to keep his memory alive. It's mentioned again that this guy has done horrible things, but we still don't know what yet.

In The Sharpest Lives, we see The Patient start trying to distract himself from his imminent death by partying and drinking. He wrecks what's left of his life and it ends up dragging other people down with him.

After this song, he sobers up and goes to the hospital, where the rest of the album takes place

WTTBP is where he starts reflecting on his life again and accepts that his life is about to be over. Death comes, but in the form of his favorite memory: a parade The Patient's dad had taken him to when he was younger. The Patient's dad had told him that he wanted him to grow up to be a good person, (whoops), and that he can't be by The Patient's side forever.

I Don't Love You has The Patient desperately trying to break off his relationship with his current partner. He knows that his death will be painful for both of them and he doesn't want his partner to have to watch him rot away. (He's being selfless?? Shocker)

In House Of Wolves we get a description of how he sees hell, where he knows he'll end up. Despite everything he doesn't want to burn for eternity. He knows he's a bad person, but he spends the song INSISTING that a lot of people aren't better than him. (Dude🧍)

In Cancer, now that his treatment has started, he feels ashamed of how the chemo is making him look. His hair is falling out, his lips are chapped and faded, he's pale and gaunt, etc etc. He looks like shit pretty much. He already feels dead. He starts thinking selflessly again, trying to say goodbye to his loved ones in a short heartfelt way so that it doesn't have to be long and drawn out and painful. He doesn't want to leave them behind but yk. Life's not fair and he knows it.

Mama FINALLY gives us what he did, and guess what it is. War crimes. He was involved in a war where he committed terrible acts. Things so bad that even his own mother rejects and disowns him. At the point he's at in Mama, he decides to write her a letter where he admits that he's a terrible man and a terrible son, and since he's dying he would like it if they could reconcile and talk.

In Sleep The Patient says that he doesn't regret what he's done, but he wants to leave it all behind and end his life on a high note.

Teenagers is a song that doesn't really fit with the rest of the album, and I'm pretty sure Gerard Way says that it's not the most relevant to the story. There's a couple lines about how The Patient was an outcast in highschool, but most of the song is ab the system trying to control kids and get them to conform.

In Disenchanted, his life starts flashing before his eyes and he reviews it like a movie. He gets really disappointed about his life and how it's ending. He talks about how he could have changed things and that honestly his life was pretty worthless bc he just waited for death.

In Famous Last Words, The Patient is supposedly talking to a loved one, but he's not sure if he's dreaming it bc he doesn't know if he's dead or alive atp. Either way he has accepted that he's dead or about to be and he's at peace with it. (Or as at peace with dying of cancer as you can be)

NOW HERES WHERE IT GETS SUPER INTERESTING. THERES A SPLIT ENDING. Blood is the one that Gerard Way considers the ACTUAL ending, but they also wrote Heaven Help Us as an alternative ending that's technically just as correct as Blood

In Blood, The Patient chooses to stay alive, even though he knows that there's no way he's going to get better. The doctors and nurses that are taking care of him pity him and are only keeping him around for the money.

In Heaven Help Us, he DOES end up dying. Atp he's waiting in purgatory for the verdict on whether he's going to heaven or hell (it's going to be hell)

YAYY BLACK PARADE DONE

Danger Days

AKDOFHADORN OK SO THE STORY LINE FOR DANGER DAYS IS KIND OF CONFUSING BC THERES THREE: THE ONE FOR THE ALBUM, THE ONE FOR THE MUSIC VIDEOS, AND THE ONE FOR THE COMICS

DID YOU KNOW THAT GERARD WAY IS A COMIC BOOK ARTIST AND AUTHOR TOO?? HE WROTE A COMIC BOOK FOR DANGER DAYS AND HE MADE UMBRELLA ACADEMY AND PENI PARKER IN THE SPIDERVERSE MOVIES

So in the album, the first half basically talks about fighting in the desert and recalling the events of the Helium wars (The Only Hope For Me is You). Pretty upbeat.

Then in the middle of the album (Traffic Report) Jet Star and Kobra Kid are apparently killed, leaving Party Poison and Fun Ghoul alive?

The second half of the album deals with more serious themes of sacrifice, the "message", desperation, and, (obviously), sticking it to the man. Vampire Money is the only track set in the "real world," which gets proven by the use of their real names in the opening.

The EP, The Mad Gear and Missle Kid, contains three songs by this fictional band that the Killjoys would have listened to while driving around. The three songs on it are: 1. sex with porno-droids, 2. hooking up with older men in punk clubs, and 3. makes a reference to drinking juice while killing, which is what Val Velocity says in the comic. She might have been copying Party Poison but idk.

In the music videos, (Na Na Na and Sing), the Fabulous Killjoys run around the desert with The Girl, killing dracs. Korse eventually catches up to them and there is a shootout where the Killjoys get stunned and The Girl gets kidnapped.

Then the Killjoys go on a suicide mission into Battery City to try and get her back. They find The Girl who has been held by The Director and fight to escape. During the fight, Party Poison realizes that there are actually people under the drac masks, (one is implied to be Cherri Cola, who was played by Jimmy Urine (ew)), and he freaks the fuck out.

Korse kills him first, and the other three are also killed while trying to escape. The Girl is rescued, (by DJ Hot Chimp? I think?), and goes back out to the desert.

The Killjoys are wrapped up in body bags, but there was supposed to be another music video after Sing (which was cut due to budget issues), and Gerard mentioned in an interview once that he thought the Killjoys never really die because they would sort of spontaneously regenerate like in a video game or something.

There are three parts to the comics. The first is about The Girl, and reveals that the reason the Killjoys protected her was that they believed she was like a messiah. The Killjoys are all long dead by now. This group of teenagers, the Ultra V's, has decided to model themselves after the Killjoys, and the story talks about The Girl's interactions with them and coming to terms with her destiny. It's a coming of age type thing.

The second part talks about two android prostitutes from Battery City, and how they escape.

The third part has Korse as the main character, and reveals that he is gay and he has to hide this from Battery City officials. It's mainly ab him trying to get freedom and escape as well.

The Foundations Of Decay

NEWEST MCR SONG OMFG. It came out in 2022 following MCR's 6-7 year hiatus and URGAHDHFJS ITS SO GOOD. From just the lyrics

"He was there the day the towers fell

And so he wandered down the road

And we would all build towers of our own

Only to watch the roots corrode"

I think at least that part is about Gerard and a callback to why he started the band in the first place.

The whole song is kind of about the band and their history and everything and URGAJHDHFISSH I love this song so much you don't understand. It's very reminiscent of the Bullets era but it's a lot more mature I think.

NOW FOR MY FAVORITE SONG EVER OF ALL TIME: OUR LADY OF SORROWS

Our Lady Of Sorrows is on the Bullets album and it's the best song from any era imo. It's about how far someone will go for their friends and it's a really aggressive way of basically saying that you would die for someone and that you would stand with them against anything.

The song was originally a demo called Bring Me More Knives, and it only had Gerard, Ray, and Matt playing on it. Allegedly Mikey loved the song so much that he managed to teach himself to play the bass decently enough in four days just to join the band and play it.

Some of the demos from (mainly) the Bullets era were called the Attic Demos because they were recorded in the Matt's attic

Matt got kicked out of MCR in 2004, (just after the Revenge album came out), because apparently he was caught stealing. He was replaced by Bob Bryar, and currently Jarrod Alexander is the drummer for MCR

Oh I feel like I should mention that nothing was glamorous ab any of the tours or the band members while they were touring before the hiatus. These were like traumatized 20 something year olds touring the country and doing drugs and becoming alcoholics and it pisses me off so badly when people try to make that era seem so great. There was an entire chunk of the Life On The Murder Scene documentary about Gerard Way struggling with alcoholism and how his hygiene was so bad bc he couldn't take care of himself. That's part of what that jacket disintegrated. Ofc it was also bc touring is disgusting and you don't get a lot of chances to shower and stuff but nothing ab any of that is glamorous

Oh but they're all a lot better now I think. Obviously I don't KNOW bc idk any of the band members but from what I've seen they all at least look better

[butchviking]

just had a dream that mcr did this teeny tiny show in this little pub with a meet & greet after and i wanted to meet gerard but i literally could not think of one single thing i would say to the man so instead i just hung out near the table he was meeting people at and chatted with some drunk lady for a while. and then after some time of this i suddenly remembered the existence of ray toro, who was at a different table with the rest of the band (i mean mikey.. frank strangely did not feature in this dream At All like i assume he was there but i guess i just did not look at him one single time. sorry frank) meeting people. ran full speed across the pub, slipped, fell, and stood up just in time to see him getting up and leaving through the back to an area we weren't allowed in. i tried to cry out after him but it was too late he was already gone. do you think this qualifies as a nightmare?

[bxngthedoldrums]

not to be nsfw but i think ray hung like a horse toro should fuck secretary gerard so hard they're seeing stars

no PLEASE be nsfw i think youre so right

in the little skirt!!! why waste any time taking it off!! just puts gerard on his lap and handles them :) fingers digging into their hips,,their thighs,,,if u Even Care,,,,

[picsinhead-blog]

Tim’s Favorite Movie Project: Blade

Blade (1998)

Directed by Stephen Norrington

Starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Stephen Dorff, N’Bushe Wright, Sanaa Lathan, Donal Logue

Released August 21, 1998

Plot: There are vampires among us, integrated into the world of human beings, from sharing the subway to controlling the police to influencing the highest levels of government. This peaceful coexistence is threatened from within the vampires’ ranks by the evil Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff) who wants to turn everyone into vampires (but…who would they eat? Nevermind!), and from the outside by Blade (Wesley Snipes), the Daywalker, a vampire hunting superhero.  

One of my favorites because: Blade is a multi-genre high water mark. It features startling, nightmarish horror imagery. It has martial arts action that is peerlessly choreographed and brutal. It’s got the first and arguably coolest example of the superhero landing pose. In the decade following Blade’s release, I judged franchise starters X-Men, Spider-Man, Underworld,  Daredevil, Batman Begins, and even Iron Man and Twilight against Blade. This past weekend, February 25, I once again saw a 35MM print of Blade with an audience at The Little in Rochester. Nearly 25 years later, the film is a crowd pleaser, fresh and fun, sharp and witty, visceral and engaging, showing its age mostly in some questionable CGI near the end. I friggin’ love Blade. And it’s sort of hard to talk about why I love Blade without mentioning at least the first sequel – Blade II was the first time I clocked the name Guillermo Del Toro, and it’s a film that both expands and improves on everything about its predecessor, and also reinforces just how great Blade is as a foundational piece.

My relationship to this movie: I knew the character of Blade from a 1992 Marvel Universe trading card.

I knew Wesley Snipes primarily as Willie Mays Hayes from Major League. So when my cousin and I walked into Lake Street Plaza Theatres on Sunday, August 22, 1998, there really wasn’t any way to be prepared for the ultra-bloody superhero/horror mashup we were about to see. I loved it all – the opening Blood Bath turned my stomach, the martial arts action and loud techno music had my fists pumping, and I was 100% in on this character who was not only the coolest guy ever, but also seemed to know how cool he was. Seriously - everything he does in the movie is cool: how he walks, how he talks, how he fights, gestures, laughs, even how he bleeds or reacts to pain. As was common in Penn Yan, also attending that screening were several Mennonite boys. (My understanding was that they hung out at the laundromat next door to the theater to collect coins.) They were in the room for the opening sequence, left for a short time, and returned with a couple more kids – their minds were being blown by all of this as much as ours! When the movie came out on VHS, my brother bought it. I'm sure I also owned the DVD, but I certainly have the Blu-ray - it's a movie I've returned to again and again, and introduced many people to.

My favorite _________: Blade is my favorite movie about someone trying to ice skate wrong.

List Position at Debut: Blade is the eleventh entry in this project and starts at number six. 

[can-u-not-14]

How the fuck is my ray toro daily hung ahead of my gerard one i started his like a month before tf did u do wrong guys

Y'all I fucked up

[saintxgerard]

Mikey was so real for this, that’s the only way to look at Ray Toro

[yukarisparadise]

in honor of the one month-aversary of seeing my childhood heroes, here’s the best video i took that night of them

MCR taught me how to be a menace, how to keep on keepin on and how to make catholic guilt look cool

i cried, i scrumpt, i was emo. tysm my chemical romance and may death never stop you 🤘🏼❤️💀⛪️

[meat-wentz]

i love you bringing two pairs of jeans to europe, i love you tit window, i love you half-up hairdo, i love you milf/dilf pronouns, i love you holding your friends by the neck to speak into their ear, i love you kissing your friends, i love you ruffling their hair, i love you summertime solo, i love you drinking glass of wine on stage, i love you using said glass to play guitar, i love you vampire money slutty “yeah,” i love you not buying anything even though all your friends bought new jackets, i love you leaning on your friends shoulders and letting your hair fall across their chests, i love you making guacamole for everyone, i love you shredding every fucking song (especially sleep), i love you “let’s go mikey fuckin’ way!!” i love you smashing cupcakes, i love you using woody the woodpecker in dead!, i love you high sauce wizard, i love you “that’s not mine,” i love you “i wish i hung out more,” i love you continuing like a professional despite the slur fight happening behind you, i love you having an extra hair tie, i love you “we can’t eat beefaroni without forks,” i love you jumping up and down and grabbing your friends by the shoulders, i love you that picture with the beer bottle, i love you “everyone has their art,” i love you ray toro, i love you ray toro, i love you ray toro.

[ohmygawdew]

I can’t even fathom the idea of me ever leaving MCR. My Chemical Romance holds a very dear place in my heart and I don’t believe that’ll change soon

all these people like “i guess i have to go back to mcr???” like some of us never LEFT

[xocasper]

breaking the stereotype of ray always being soft in bed. this man is hung and he uses it to his advantage idc. wreck me ray toro.

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter nine: "Where is your boy tonight?

Word count: 16K (wow, shit! it's long!)

Summary: Back touring! back on the road. Gubler met Joey's parents and they loved him (who wouldn't, really) Now it's Joey's bday and the band is decided to make it a special day for her, considering her boyfriend won't make it to the party. Frank wants to top the Amsterdam party, Ray and Mikey just want Joey to be happy. Gerard... is getting weird.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, cursing, Matthew breaking a promise

A/N: Hi!! I hope. you are enjoying this! this is one of my fav chapters.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

::: December 3rd, 2010, New York :::

Two hours before the show

Tucker opened his arms and hugged Joey tight. Though she had been in Jersey with Matthew Gray for the last three days, and they had hung out a million times already, he would always greet her with a warm hug when they met, probably 'cos they never got to see each other.

- "Kiddo!!"

- "Bamm Bamm!!"

- "I'm so fucking excited to see you play today!!!"- Tucker put her friend down and shook Matthew's hand hello. He was waiting in the backstage area with a bunch of other friends from the band. Mikey smiled as he walked over too and looked at her friend up and down.

- "Hey Bug! You look too pretty to play today. You really doll up when Matthew is around"- and she laughed.

- "You just don't deserve this"- she joked, and Gubler laughed.

- "When we toured together, you weren't even sober most of the time!"- Tucker added- "Now look at my sweet baby! All grown up and looking cute."

- "Shut up!!"- Joey hit Tucker's arm, blushing- "You've been telling all the embarrassing stories about me this whole time!"

- "I know, that's the fun part of having friends, kiddo. Now you know it."

Joey stuck out her tongue to him and turned to see Jamia next to her, with Frank and Ray. Toro loved having her there with them, especially 'cos she and Christa got along, and double dating with Frank and Jamia was their new favorite thing to do. He thought it was cheesy, Frank agreed; Joey was the one who used the word. But still, cheesy shit was fun for them every once in a while.

- "And what do you do before you get ready for the show?"- Matthew asked after talking with everybody for a while, including Gerard and Lynz.

- "I exercise a little"- Joey walked him to a side of the room where she sat behind a practice pad- "I go through a fifteen minutes warm-up, then stretch, and then that's it. Sometimes Mikey forces us to do a few pushups, but I don't usually do them 'cos I'm a lazy ass"- the girl smiled and felt Matthew's arms around her slowly.

- "Have I told you how proud I am of you?"- Joey looked at the ceiling pretending to be deep in thoughts.

- "I don't think you've said it today"- she whispered and giggled- "No, not today."

- "I have to make it up for it, then."

Gubler smiled and reached her lips slowly. It started as an innocent shy kiss, but it grew up quickly. Joey felt Matthew was hungry for that kiss. Maybe it was the fact she really looked good that night, perhaps the fact the month they had just shared had been amazing, and now that he knew she was going to be gone again, he wanted her to feel how much he loved her. And damn! She felt it.

Joey wrapped her arms around Matthew's neck as his tongue entered her mouth slowly and gently. She bit his lower lip softly, and he chuckled.

- "Hey! That's my sister!!"- Mikey yelled, and Joey laughed, giving him the finger- "Can you do the decent thing and take her to a room? We don't wanna see that!"

And that was true. No one wanted to see that. Frank kept his eyes locked in his babies in their car chairs to avoid the scene. He wasn't a huge fan of Gubler, but he had been the nicest guy ever for the sake of his friendship with Joey and the fact Jamia had the hots for him. Which made him feel so much better for having the hots for Joey. It eased his mind completely.

- "Can you stop looking at them?"- Lynz asked her husband and raised an eyebrow- "What? Are you jealous or something?"

- "No!"- he quickly replied to her, frowning and looking insulted. But mostly busted- "I just remembered the old days, when we were like that."

Lynz knit her brows furrowed staring at Gee, he simply smiled and kissed her.

- "When we would make out everywhere, and we cared shit if anyone saw us."

- "Yeah, those were fun times"

- "Can everybody stop making out, please?"- Mikey frowned- "It's hard for the ones alone here."

- "Sorry, bróðir"- Joey smiled and turned to Matthew- "He is right"

- "Yeah..."- he sighed and let his girlfriend go smiling- "So... show me your warm-up."

- "Yeah, these are my exercises."

It was nerve-wracking playing shows in front of thousands of thousands of kids for Joey. She still wasn't used to that amount of people watching her play. But doing it in front of Matthew, Joey nearly panicked. She knew she had to do better than ever, not because she wanted to impress him, but because Joey wanted to feel like the best drummer in front of him and make him see the kind of incredible chick she was. Which he knew.

Matthew honestly loved Joey, and after meeting her parents, it felt their relationship was better than ever. He just hated her job. She was surrounded by guys. There was no other girl in the whole crew. He thought maybe a girl was there to do their makeup... but it turned out it was Gerard's job.

- "I want you to raise your hands for my brothers and my sister!! We are!! My Chemical!!"- Gerard yelled at the mic, and the audience yelled "Romance" back right away.

- "Are you ready to have your fucking brains blown away?!"- Matthew chuckled at Gerard's words and heard his girlfriend start playing what ended up being Thank you For the Venom.

- "So, had you heard the band before?"- Lynz asked him as both of them, Jamia and Christa, stood by the stage watching the show.

- "Not really, just when Joey was practicing. But they are good!"

- "And how are you handling the distance?"- Matthew sighed and shrugged.

- "Day by day, I guess."

- "You two make a cute couple."

- "Thank you..."

The actor didn't pay any more attention to Lynz, not 'cos he planned to ignore her, but because he felt honestly captivated by his girlfriend. She looked so powerful out there, leading the rhythm in a band. She was awesome. She was honestly incredible. Independent and funny and intelligent... how could he handle a woman like that?

- "What are your intentions with Joey?"- Tucker asked suddenly, standing next to Matthew.

- "Sorry?"- the actor frowned, not getting where that was coming from.

- "I heard you met her parents, are you planning to get serious with her?"- Tucker kept asking, and Gubler still didn't get the paternal tone of voice the drummer had.

- "Why are you asking me this?"

- "You know, just 'cos she seems to be completely all together and independent doesn't mean you can try to break her"- Tucker was serious, and the actor was seriously lost- "No, I'm not in love with her or whatever, life ain't always about that shit. I love her as you love a little sister, or that cousin you had to take care of when you noticed she was lost in a world of men trying to get rid of her, the one you watched going her skin harder and harder to be taking seriously over the years."

Matthew Gray didn't know what to say. He knew Joey was strong and independent. No one- not even her father- had given him a speech like that about her. Then again, he didn't know many friends of his girlfriend. Or any until that point.

- "I love her"- the actor whispered, though Tucker managed to hear him- "And I don't think this whole "I'm protecting my friend" speech is necessary."

- "But it is"- Tucker interrupted him and turned to look right into Matthew's eyes. He knew this was the only chance he had to be alone with his friend's boyfriend, and he wasn't going to let it slip away.

- "She stayed in that shitty city with those shitty jobs 'cos she loves you that much, so you better cherish her devotion and give her what she deserves."

Tucker's eyes were dark and threatening. He stayed looking into Matthew's for a few long seconds until the song ended, and they turned to clap and cheer at his friends. Joey turned to them and cut them a big smile. She had no idea what had just happened. And she would probably never know. Matthew wasn't going to tell her he knew she had decided to stay in L.A because of him. And Tucker was never going to tell her he had basically threatened her boyfriend.

- "Yami, don't go"- Matthew whispered as he laid next to Joey, wrapping his arms around her like a lock- "Please stay with me."

- "Akumu..."- she rubbed her lips on the skin on his neck, making him shiver at the touch- "I have to work. It's only for a few days, we are gonna be in Los Angeles de 11th, and you are gonna get to see your hot girlfriend playing live again."

- "But I miss you so much."

- "You are going to be working too, and this time I'm going to be in the US, I will be near."

- "Yami, I don't want to be apart from you again"- he meant it, he felt he couldn't stand the idea of that girl being away for so long- "I'm gonna go mad."

- "Akumu, you are pretty mad already, that's why I fell in love with you"- he smiled, looking into her eyes in silence- "It's just three weeks. That'll give you enough time to plan my birthday and Christmas."

- "Detroit for your birthday?"- Gubler whispered, and Joey nodded- "Sounds... fun?"- he asked and raised an eyebrow as she smiled and kissed him over and over again.

- "You have to be there."

- "Nothing in the world is going to stop me from being there"- the actor snuggled closed, feeling Joey's naked body next to him- "I already googled all the weird shit we can do there. I thought I could come along with you to Toronto, and then we could take a little vacation together, just you and me..."

- "Really?"- Joey loved that idea. She needed time with her boyfriend, and an adventure together seemed like a great idea. Besides, Gubler would always find the weirdest plans in every place they were at. He had made sure to take her to all the dark tourist sightseeing he could find in those days in Jersey.

- "Of course! You deserve the best birthday ever. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I don't give you everything you deserve and more?"

- "You've always been the best"- Joey smiled again and kept on kissing him slowly, teasing him and making him tremble next to her.

- "See? You shouldn't leave with them. Stay with me, we can be naked the whole time"- the actor moved slowly on top of her, and she gasped immediately, closing her eyes.

- "You are very persuasive, Matthew Gray Gubler."

- "Is it working?"

- "I'm not going anywhere right now... maybe if you try to convince harder..."

- "Harder?"- Matthew rocked slowly upon her, and she bit her lip

- "Yes, and faster..."

- "You are dirty, Yami"

- "You are hard down there, Akumu, I can't help it"- he smiled, blushing as Joey bit her lips and kissed him.

- "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much"- he murmured, losing the ability to speak.

- "Let me show you how much you are gonna miss me, daddy, 'cos I am sure it's gonna be unbearable."

::: December 4th, 2010. New York :::

Gerard hated everything about that day. His wife had left early in the morning, his brother looked miserable the whole time, and Joey kept sucking Matthew's face right in front of him. He saw them at breakfast, in the lobby, now at the airport. They were stuck to each other, both of them with tears in their eyes. It was sad and upsetting. He didn't want to watch, but he couldn't help it.

- "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"- Ray asked and stood next to him after getting himself a cup of fresh coffee.

- "Yeah?"

- "You are gonna have to stop that"- and Gerard frowned

- "Stop what?"

- "Whatever it is that's happening in your head with Joey, stop it."

Gerard was busted. He felt how his cheeks turned blood red in a second, so he avoided looking at his friend and knit his eyebrows.

- "Deny!! Deny!!" Ray, I don't know what you are talking about."

- "I told you after Frank's birthday, you've got a crush on her, and it's fucking easy to see."

- "I don't!"- the singer answered immediately, almost insulted- "You have to stop saying that! someone might hear you and get the wrong idea!"

- "I know you, dude. I know you"- Ray repeated and landed a hand on his friend's shoulder- "And I can recognize that look your eyes, the yearning and the denial, I've seen you like that before"

- "You are wronged!!"

- "Fine!"- Ray smiled and tapped on Gee's shoulder- "Keep denying it. I don't care!"- Toro looked right into his friend's eyes and whispered seriously- "But maintain whatever it is that's happening with you under control, 'cos I don't want it to affect our work, or her as a matter of fact."

- "Why do you care about her so much? Maybe you are the one crushed on her"- Ray smirked and sipped his coffee

- "Sure, dude."

- "Akumu"- Joey hid her face and tears on Matthew's neck. She wasn't able to say anything else. It was time to say goodbye. She was the last one to board, and Mikey waited for her a few steps away.

- "Call me when you get to Tampa, Yami."

- "Call me when you get home, Akumu"- he kissed her fiercely, holding her face with both hands, and as soon as they stopped gasping for air, he looked into her eyes, tears filling his.

- "I love you so much, so much"

- "I love you more"- they kissed once more.

- "Miss, you have to board now"- the air host said as the couple stood outside her gate.

- "Yes, sorry..."- Joey tried to smile and kissed Matthew's lips one last time, then slowly walked away, still looking at her boyfriend.

- "Come on, Bug"- Mikey held her hand as they started walking down the jetbridge. Matthew looked at them waving and sighed as he blew his girl a kiss, trying to smile. A part of him hated the fact she was leaving with that band, and a little tiny part of him was glad she had a friend to be with. That friend being Mikey, the guy he was jealous of the most. "Damn it!".

- "Are you ok?"- Frank asked her. He sat right next to Joey, by the window. The girl nodded in silence- "Here"- Iero whispered and gave her a bar of chocolate.

- "Thanks, Jersey"- Joey managed to murmur as she kept wiping off more tears from her cheeks.

- "Come on, Bug, last time wasn't so hard"- Mikey said as he sat next to her too and wrapped an arm around her shoulder- "And we are gonna play in Los Angeles in... what? A week?"

- "I know"- she whispered and cut him a smile- "But back then, I didn't know I was gonna miss him so much, I guess"- he caressed her hair and kissed her forehead.

- "Well, back then, you didn't know you were going to have so much fun with us either. So instead of thinking about how much you are gonna miss that hot actor"- Joey chuckled at Mikey's words- "Why don't you better think about all the fun you are gonna have with these two average handsome guys?"

- "Talk for yourself, I am way hotter than any average guy"- Frank said and winked at the girl- "Right?"

- "Yes, Jersey, you are way hotter"- Joey smiled, though she wasn't lying, 'cos she thought Frank was very hot, though she didn't mean it in any sexual way.

Ray kept his eyes on Gerard the whole time, ever since they saw Joey crying while she said goodbye to Matthew. Way looked worried, sad, even mortified. It seemed he wanted to comfort the girl, but instead, he just stared at her with his brother, who was shushing her.

- "Are you ok?"- Ray asked as he turned to his friend

- "Yeah..."- Gerard quickly answered and looked down at his bag, reaching out for a book to hide his face for most of the trip.

- "Sure."

Mikey hated Florida. Frank hated Florida. Gerard hated Florida. Ray was ok with Florida. Joey had been there so many times, she didn't care about the weather, humidity, or the fact back in New York was snowing. The Way brothers turned into ogres as soon as they stepped out of the plane, and everybody decided to ignore them. Ray was the one who reminded everybody they had two interviews starting at two. They all grunted, except for Joey, who sighed, relieved to know she had a long afternoon on her own.

She wasn't just sad cos she was going to be apart from Matthew for a few days. She was also very upset about how exciting it felt to be able to hang out with Gerard again. It made her want to cry, feeling like a liar and easy whore. Gubler would never do such a thing to her! She couldn't just have a crush on Gerard!

But she did. So she locked in her room and didn't do a thing for the rest of the afternoon. Until Mikey knocked on her door with candies, and the two of them watched a movie.

Joey made a promise to herself to stay as cold-headed and professional as she could. She loved Matthew, and she wasn't going to let some random crush on the hottest guy on earth ruin it for her.

And so the days passed, and Joey managed it quite alright. It was more complicated when they were on stage. That was when Joey had to make her biggest effort to avoid making eye contact with him. Gerard was the most charming and hypnotizing frontman she had ever seen. Every movement he made and every smile he sent her was like a drug she had to get immune to.

But that leg of the tour let her go home for a day and see Matthew again. He invited his friends to the show, and Joey enjoyed how supportive he was with her. She knew he was jealous, but she also knew he was doing his best to keep his head cold and trust her. That's why Joey wasn't going to let Gerard ruin it for her. She loved her boyfriend. No matter what.

Gerard hated how cold and distant Joey had gotten. She was still very nice, but he also felt she was cold. Every day he tried to make conversation. Every day he had a tiny success, followed by her words to anyone else around them. It was more challenging this time 'cos they weren't traveling by bus. It was just by plane. They were never alone again, and every time he tried to be on his own with her, she had an excuse to run away from him.

That until...

::: December 17th :::

- "Shut up!"- Mikey whispered as Frank and Ray kept chuckling right behind him, and Gerard stood in the deepest silence. The bassist lit the candles on the cake and knocked on the door.

It was Joey's birthday, and he wanted to surprise her early in the morning to start the celebration. The short celebration 'cos they had to be at a radio station in an hour or so.

- "What is it?"

Joey asked and slowly walked to the door. Her eyes were puffed from all the crying she had done the night before. Matthew didn't spend her birthday with her 'cos he was called into the set that day. He had promised he'd be there, but he failed. It was the first time he had ever failed her. And it hurt her deeper than she imagined.

- "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to dear Joey! Happy birthday to you!"

The band sang as soon as the drummer opened the door and blew the candles on her chocolate truffle cake.

- "Thank you, kids"- she quickly answered with a smile and invited them in. Each one hugged her friendly, except Gerard. That hug didn't feel friendly at all. When he held her close, he didn't want to let her go, and it took a massive effort from the two of them to act normal and just smile.

- "She's so close..."- but they had to part.

- "Bug, you are going to take a shower and dress as hot as fuck"- Ray said and kissed her cheek- "'Cos today, you are coming with us!!"

- "Why?"- she frowned

- "'Cos we are not going to leave you alone on your birthday"- the guitarist simply answered- "We are doing a radio interview. We are having lunch, then we have soundcheck, nap, play a show, and go fucking crazy celebrating your birthday!!"

- "Shit, you have it all planned"- Joey smiled- "But I don't want to go out... just leave me here."

- "We are not leaving you here, Iceland"- Frank cut her off and reached a plastic spoon for her- "We are getting full of sugar. Then, we'll get some caffeine, and we fucking celebrate your birthday, ok?"

- "There's no way I'm gonna get out of this, right?"

- "Nop"- Mikey answered with a smile- "And here is your present."

- "Mikkel, that wasn't necessary! You already gave me the best present on earth"- Joey said, hugging her friend.

- "My friendship?"

- "A fucking bass, you asshole!"- she interrupted him, laughing.

- "Fuck it, now open that amazing present"- the girl did so to find a set of customized drumsticks set with her name, the name of the tour, and an engraved bug on one side.

- "This is awesome!!! Thank you!"- Joey wrapped his arms around Mikey and kissed his cheek- "I love it!"

- "Of course, you do. I am the master of presents!"

- "Yeah, I kind of improvised"- Frank excused himself and offered Joey his hand- "I've got nothing to give you right now, but we are getting tattooed tonight after the show, so think about what you are getting"- Joey chuckled and nodded

- "It sounds like an amazing present Jersey, thank you for adding more hate from my parents."

- "My pleasure"

- "Can we eat cake now?"- Joey asked, raising her spoon, feeling so much better than when she had woken up. Her friends were able to make her smile. She was still feeling sad, but at least they made her smile.

- "Open my present first"- Ray said and smiled as he watched the girl unwrap a special edition of Pride and Prejudice.

- "Dad!! You are awesome!! Thank you so much!!"

- "I'm happy you like it"

- "I love it"- Joey hung from her neck and let go only to skip through the pages- "I can't believe you remembered it"

- "Bug, you talked two hours about this book when I was trying to sleep. I couldn't forget it even if I tried"- the girl chuckled and kiss his cheek again

- "I love you, Rayray, and I love you all. Thank you for cheering me up! Now let's get fucking sugar rushed!!"

- "Dude, you didn't get her anything?"- Mikey whispered to his brother as Joey, Ray, and Frank literally sank into the cake.

- "I... forgot to bring it..."- Gerard whispered and looked down- "I didn't know we were doing this right now. I thought we were going to wait until the night."

- "She is pretty sad. I'd step up my game to cheer her up if I was you."

- "Because of Gubler?"

- "Yeah, she cried herself to sleep last night, she called me after she talked with him..."

- "He is an asshole. I can't believe he can't be here."

Gee locked his eyes on Joey. She was laughing at something Frank had just said that he didn't get, in her pajamas, pretty geek star wars pajamas that he loved, messed up hair, and sleepy eyes. Fuck, she was beautiful.

- "How on fucking earth could that guy ditch her on her birthday?"- he thought to keep a safe distance as he stared at her with his friends- "If she was my girlfriend, I would have prepared the biggest celebration ever..."- Gee made a pause and rearranged his thoughts- "But you've got a wife, and you are not doing anything for this girl today, heard me?"

- "Gerard, if you don't grab a spoon right now, you are not going to get any"- Joey said, smiling. He stared at her in silence, not moving an inch for a few seconds, enjoying how his heart skipped a beat when she talked to him. He could enjoy it 'cos she hadn't addressed to him directly in a while now.

- "Thanks"- he answered and smiled back at her, making her shiver.

That wasn't meant to end up well for either of them.

My Chem plus Worm and Joey stepped out of the van to meet a bunch of fans outside the radio station. The drummer quickly walked inside the building, escorted by Mikey, though all the guys kept a close eye on her, making sure no one would hurt her.

- "Bróðir, it's ok, I'm ok, go there and sign some autographs, make people happy, I'll wait right here"- she smiled and walked to the lobby of the building.

- "Sure?"

- "If you don't go, they are gonna hate me more"- he knew she had a point.

- "We'll be right here."

- "Go!"- Joey smiled and watched her friend run back out to meet some fans. She looked around and smiled at the receptionist, who kept a close eye on her.

- "Are you part of the crew?"- she asked, and Joey nodded.

- "I'm their drummer for the tour."

- "You can have a seat if you want, coffee?"- the girl smiled, appreciating how friendly the stranger was with her.

- "Yes, thank you"- her phone rang that second. She knew it was a facetime from Matthew; her parents had already called her. She read his number on the screen and sighed. She was so mad and sad he hadn't been there with her for her birthday, but she had to understand it, it was his job. What else could she do?

- "Hi"- she whispered as she picked up the video call.

- "Til hamingju með afmælið, Yami"- he said and smiled at her, knowing the girl was sad. He had asked her dad to teach him how to say "Happy birthday" in Icelandic to surprise her, and he had practiced ever since to get it right. She cut him a short smile as she saw his face, feeling her heart melt- "I'm so sorry, Yami."

- "I know, it's ok"- she murmured and sighed, making her best not to cry. He just stared at her feeling his eyes watering up too, longing to be there with her.

- "The guys wanted to say hello"- Matthew said, making his best to stay strong- "Say hello, guys!"- he pointed the camera, and the rest of the cast waved at Joey.

- "Happy birthday, Yami!!"- they all said, and the birthday girl chuckled.

- "Thank you, guys!!"

- "Sorry Matthew couldn't be there"- Paget said, standing right behind him.

- "It's ok, you better make an amazing episode, make it worthy of this distance."

- "We'll see you at the Christmas party!!"- Kirsten kind of shouted from the back, and Joey smiled.

- "I won't miss it for the world!!"- Gubler walked from the rest of the people to talk alone with his girlfriend.

- "I swear I'm going to make it up to you, Yami."

- "You better"- Joey answered and smiled.

- "I can tell you how much I love you all day long."

- "I could hear you saying how much you love me all day long"- he stared at her through the screen in silence for a second and sighed.

- "Yami, I don't know how I got so lucky to have you, but I'm not going to let you go."

The band walked into the radio building that moment, and Gerard got to hear that, making his heart ache.

- "Why should that affect me so? I'm just crushed on her 'cos she is hot, that's it"

- "Ég elska þig, Akumu (I love you, Akumu)"

- "Ég elska þig, Yami (I love you, Yami)"- he made a pause and stared at her again, not saying a word until someone called his name and forced him to wake up- I have to go, I'll call you later, ok?

- "Ok"

- "What are you doing, by the way? How are you spending your day? Sorry, I never asked. I was just asking for forgiveness this whole time."

- "The guys are taking me all over today. Right now, we are on WLLZ radio, 'cos they have to give an interview. Then we are going out for lunch, and tonight we are celebrating my birthday with, I'm guessing, pizza and video games as usual."

- "No, we not"- Frank said and appeared out of nowhere next to Joey- "Hey Matthew! Sorry you couldn't come, but we will make sure Joey has the time of her life tonight. We are going out clubbing big time. We've got a lot of surprises prepared to cheer her up!"

Frank wasn't nice at all. He was mad at Gubler for making his friend, his completely doable friend, cry.

- "He is just kidding"- Joey said, laughing.

- "No, really, we have it all planned. You gave me the best birthday ever, so I am doing the same for you!." Frank kissed her cheek and walked away. He knew he had done enough to make Matthew regret not being there with his girlfriend. Mikey tapped on his back and chuckled.

- "You are evil"

- "I know, that's the point."

Joey looked around and made her best to stay quiet. She was in a radio interview. Not watching it from the outside, but actually sitting at the table in front of a microphone. The good thing was, Gerard was answering all of the questions. Mikey and Frank were next to her and kept making her smile.

- "So this tour is different"- the host said- "You've got a female drummer, how has that been like?"- the whole band looked at each other with a big grin on their faces.

- "It's been amazing"- Frank quickly answered and tapped on Joey's back, making her giggle- "I think we all have to recognize the talent of women in music. It's a scene completely dominated by guys right now, and historically, rock and roll has had amazing women that should get more recognition than they've had."

- "Yeah, I think having Joey on board with us is going to inspire a lot of girls out there to follow that dream of being in music, 'cos if guys can do it, girls can do it better"- Mikey added and smiled at his friend, who felt her cheeks burning red.

Gerard looked at her from the other side of the table and giggled, noticing how nervous she was. He found it very cute.

- "And how has it been for you, Joey?"- the host asked her, and she closed her eyes, chuckling for a second

- "At first, it was nerve-wracking. It's my first time on tour with a band this big, and I needed to prove girls can kick ass in front of an immense crowd."

- "And you did"- Gerard interrupted her, and she blushed even more.

- "And being the only girl of the band..."- the host said and looked directly into her eyes- "How is that?"

- "Like having four older brothers taking way too much care of me the whole time"- the whole band laughed, including the host.

- "And do you have a boyfriend?"

- "Are you asking her out?"- Frank quickly answered- "'Cos her boyfriend is gonna kill you if you do"- Joey giggled and shook her head- "And he is huge! he is taller than Mikey, how tall is Gubs?"

- "He is 6ft"- Joey whispered and blushed, thinking how big Matthew was.

- "I looked ridiculous standing next to him"- Frank chuckled, and the band laughed. Iero looked shorter next to Gubler. Pictures were taken to remember that moment.

- "And what does your boyfriend think of you touring with a bunch of hot guys in a hot band? Is he jealous?"

- "I guess he was nervous at first, 'cos he didn't know if everybody was going to be nice to me. Now he is totally jealous 'cos he found out they are trying to get me into Dungeons and Dragons, and he never made it"- everybody burst out laughing, even Matthew, who was listening to the interview on the set with some of his friends and crew.

- "Your girl is so funny"- Shemar said, tapping on Matthew's back- "If you ask me, she is a keeper"- and Gubler blushed, nodding.

The interview continued, and Joey didn't talk much more. She preferred to keep a low profile and let the band answer most of the questions. Mikey kept texting her jokes, making her bit her lips not to laugh more than once during the whole time. Gerard noticed it and hated it. But he knew there was nothing he could do to stop his brother from being her friend.

There was a present waiting for Joey when they reached back to the hotel after the soundcheck. It was from Matthew. Joey's eyes opened wide as soon as she saw it. She locked herself alone in her room to open it 'cos she knew she was going to cry. And she did, as soon as she unwrapped it. There was a card and a small velvety box.

- "When we are together, darling, every night is Halloween,"- the girl read out loud, tears already filling her eyes. And at the back of it said: "Call me when you get this." And so she did.

- "Yami"- Matthew answered in his FBI outfit.

- "I got your present."

- "Did you open it already?"

- "No, it said I had to call you."

- "Good, you had to 'cos there's a speech coming with my present"- Joey smiled, her eyes glued at the screen.

- "Wait, can you take that outfit back home?"- he smiled and winked.

- "You are gonna make me carry all of my set outfits home."

- "Not my fault you look so hot in that! I need you to arrest me and tell me my rights, Dr. Reid"- Matthew laughed and blushed.

- "You are dirty, Yami"

- "You are too hot, Akumu. Deal with it."

- "I'm not hot, you are smoking hot... now open your present"- and so the girl held the box and opened it. Inside she found a handmade silver locket necklace. It was in the shape of an anatomic heart.

- "Matthew"- she whispered, watered up eyes- "It's gorgeous!"

- "I had it made in the real shape of my heart"- he confessed- "I had a chest x-ray a few weeks ago, so now I know, I literally know, you carry my heart when I'm not with you."

Joey was speechless as she heard those words. It was the most romantic thing she had ever heard. Gubler smiled, watching her as tears fell from her eyes.

- "I wanted to give it to you in person, but... shit, I failed you. Yami, I am so sorry."

- "I love it, Akumu, and I love you so much."

- "I love you too..."- he made a pause and sighed- "Now open it"- and so she did, to find an inscription inside "Be creepy with me." She chuckled as she read it and looked at her boyfriend on the screen.

- "I'm gonna have to get you another Christmas present now, 'cos what I got you is crap compared to this"- he burst out laughing as soon as he heard her- "And you just won the best blowjob ever"- and he continued laughing, especially when Shemar walked behind Matthew and wide opened his eyes- "Oh shit!!"- she sort of yelled blushed.

- "Keep walking!!"- Gubler quickly said, blushing as well.

- "Sorry"- the girl whispered, giggling.

- "I don't care... I'm gonna remember that promise, by the way"- the actor looked at his girlfriend with eyes filled with love

- "I'm counting on it"- she answered immediately and sent a kiss to the screen- "I could stare at you all day long."

- "I feel the same"- and so they stared at each other in silence for a couple of seconds until Matthew was called back to the set.

- "I'm sorry, Yami."

- "Don't worry, Akumu. Go to work. I'm gonna nap before the show."

- "I'll call you later"

- "See you later then."

- "Sleep tight."

- "Work hard."

- "I love you."

- "I love you more, Akumu. See you in two days."

- "Sounds like an awful amount of time. I want you here now."- she waved and sighed. Matthew sent her another kiss and hung down.

Joey stared at the silver heart in her hand and suspired. Shaped by his real heart, as a present for her. It was too much. She felt her own heart swollen with love. With that thought and a smile on her lips, the girl fell asleep.

Gerard looked at the present he had for Joey and sighed. He hated it. It wasn't good enough. Maybe he should get rid of it and get her a box of chocolates or whatever. Everybody had given her such good presents, he didn't want to give her his.

- "You had a whole fucking month to think about this! And what did you get? This! Just this!"- he was honestly mad at himself. He felt he was wasting an amazing opportunity to be close to her, be a better friend, and enjoy proximity with her body. He didn't want to kiss her. He wanted to hold her tight. He was so confused, and yet, he couldn't stop. He didn't know how to.

- "Get your shit together and give her the present. You don't have to change her life, you just have this for her birthday, and you wanted to share it with her,"- he said to himself and sighed. He grabbed the present, took a look at himself in the mirror, and fixed his red hair a little before stepping out of the room.

- "Hi, I just wanted to bring you your present"- he practiced as he walked to her room, two floors down- "Hey, I got you this"- Gerard Way was nervous. When he reached her floor and walked to her door, he had to take a deep breath before knocking. After a few seconds, Joey opened the door and smiled.

- "Hey Gerard"

- "Hi"- he answered and smiled. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds until Joey reacted and invited him in.

- "Sorry, I'm a mess, I was napping"- she excused herself and sat on her bed again

- "I just woke up too, don't worry"- he stood in front of her holding the present he wanted to give her, but her necklace caught his eyes- "That is gorgeous, I hadn't seen you wearing jewelry before."

- "Thanks"- Joey blushed and touched the locket- "Matthew sent it to me today"- Gerard thought right away the necklace wasn't really that pretty, it was very cliche as a matter of fact- "He had it hand made in the exact same shape of his heart, he got a chest x-ray just for this"- the girl looked honestly happy, she even blushed as she told him the story.

- "Fucking asshole! That's the best present ever!!" Sounds like he is a very romantic guy"- Gerard whispered and smiled, acting cool.

- "Yeah, he is incredibly romantic, in the weirdest way, which I love. It has an inscription, it says "Let's be creepy together"- the girl was proud- "He is perfect!"

And Gerard just wanted to grab his present and disappear from her room. But he knew he had to give it to her, he didn't want to be the only one not giving her a present. But so far, everyone has done great.

- "I also got you something"- he murmured and blushed immediately, sitting down next to her- "I'm sorry I didn't bring it in the morning, I was... embarrassed to share it with everybody."

- "Gerard, that's so sweet"- Joey said, surprised- "And I never thought the guy who touches himself on stage could be embarrassed to give a present"- he chuckled and closed his eyes for a second.

- "Yeah... it happens a lot more than you can imagine"- he made a pause and stared at her. She was smiling. She looked happy, was it because of Matthew's present? Was it 'cos he was there with her? Gerard couldn't tell.

- "Thank you"- the girl blushed and received the package

- "I think compared to the guy's presents, I really fucked it up."

- "Don't be stupid, Gerard, you didn't even have to get me anything, neither did the guys"- Joey answered as she opened the present- "Shit!"- the exclamation came out of her lips the second she realized Gerard had drawn her playing drums. It was amazing. She looked like a comic heroine.

- "I'm not really good at coloring my works, but..."- Gerard could speak anymore; Joey wrapped her arms around him tight and didn't let go.

- "Shut up, it's awesome!"

- "You like it?"

- "It kicked Mikey's present ass"- the singer chuckled and moved slowly to look at her

- "I'm glad you like it."

They were inches apart, Joey sighed, staring into his eyes, losing herself into them. He was there, holding her. It was everything she had managed to avoid during the whole leg of the tour.

- "I love it so much I'm gonna hang it in my room so I can see it when I wake up"- she whispered as her cheeks turned blood red.

- "Really?"- he asked with a low voice, his hands still on her waist

- "Sure..."- she couldn't say anything else. It felt like their lips were longing to touch. He was on the edge of moving closer to her and kiss her. The atmosphere between them was so sexy and sweet at the same time, he didn't know how to handle it.

- "Besides,"- Joey suddenly reacted and moved away from him- "If I'm ever low on cash, I can make a lot of money with Gerard Way original"- she said with a sassy attitude and chuckled- "I'm kidding, by the way."

- "I know, though it's a pretty good idea"- he answered laughing and stood up, remembering he had to keep a distance- "Anyway... I have to go"- he didn't have anything to do.

- "And I should..."- she had nothing to do.

- "Do you really want to spend your birthday alone in your room?"- Gerard asked her and frowned.

- "What else could I do before the show?"

- "Wanna go get coffee or something?"- Joey looked at him and honestly didn't know what to answer. Gerard had never asked her out to do anything together before.

- "Sure"- and after she delivered that line, she realized she hadn't even thought it through. She just accepted. And she was glad she had.

- "Great, let me google the closest Starbucks, oh! we should try to get you free coffee"- Gerard was excited. Joey nodded and smiled, still in shock. Then, she put on her combat boots, fixed her dress, and walked to the bathroom to do her makeup.

Mikey, Ray, and Frank were playing video games. Shocking. Though they were also planning Joey's birthday night out. Since they were sure Matthew would be there that day, they hadn't really planned much but their presents. Now they had to step up the game and give her a great celebration, not only to cheer her up but also because they wanted to make her happy. And Frank still felt he owed her for making out with a stripper at his birthday party.

- "So? What do we've got?"- Ray asked, eyes glued at the screen as he played with Mikey

- "So far... an arcade bar and a karaoke bar"- Frank answered- "Mikey, what does she like the most?"

- "Arguing"- the bassist quickly replied and laughed at his own joke- "I don't think she is going to be so into karaoke, dude. Arcades would be the brightest idea."

- "Arcade will be, reservations at ten?"- Iero grabbed the phone and looked at his friends. Both of them were stuck at the game- "Guys?"

- "Ten sounds great"- Ray stayed in silence for a second and then asked- "She looked too depressed because of Gubler, right?"

- "Yeah"- the two other guys said at the same time.

Ray thought about it for a while before asking, mostly 'cos for a few days now, he had been wondering if he should share what was in his mind with his friends. He waited until the game was over to looked at them and simply say

- "I think he hates us."

- "He does"- Mikey simply replied- "Me the most"

- "That's 'cos you spent like a month at her house when you were in L.A"- Frank said and nodded, not really thinking about the subject too much- "So he doesn't like Joey traveling with a bunch of guys, I can understand it, I mean, I would be jealous too... if Jamia did that"- he quickly added and stood up to grabbed the bottle of ice tea he was drinking when he reached the room.

- "No, I think it's more than that..."- Ray tried to explain- "I feel he is too possessive of Joey."

- "Dude, you are overthinking it"- Frank snorted and chuckled- "He is jealous, period."

- "Yeah"- Mikey whispered and made a long pause- "I know he is jealous of me, but why do you think he is possessive with her?"

- "'Cos every time we were out together, it felt like he was trying to contain her, sure, he is fun and wild, just like her, but it feels like Joey is way more independent than him and he is..."

Toro stopped talking. He remembered when Joey told him she didn't want Matthew to know about the stripper 'cos she felt he wanted her to be more... was it fragile the word she used? Like a lady in distress? It was weird for Ray 'cos it took only a minute to realize Joey was never going to be like that. Why would Gubler even treat her like that? Was he trying to change her? Could he ever get to change her?

- "Ray! Ray!"- Mikey snapped his fingers in front of him a couple of times to wake him up- "Dude, you spaced out, what were you going to say?"

- "Never mind, it has to be my imagination. You are right, Frank. I'm overthinking it 'cos he didn't come and I got mad, that's it."

- "I'm mad too"- Iero said as he grabbed a joystick and started the game again- "You don't ditch your girlfriend like that."

- "And it was the first birthday Joey was going to spend with a boyfriend, ever"- Mikey didn't notice he had said too much until it was too late.

- "What the fuck?"- Ray paused the game as he and Frank looked at him, surprised

- "Shit! I wasn't supposed to say that to anyone"- Mikey closed his eyes with his head down, embarrassed- "Please, don't tell her you know, she would kill me."

- "We won't, but... really? Now I honestly have a reason to kill that asshole"- Frank left the joystick aside and walked around the room- "Bug deserves better than an arcade bar"- he grabbed his phone and called their tour manager- "Dude, can you help me out with something important?"

Gerard walked smoking, as the conversation flowed naturally, at last. Joey was laughing at Gerard's stories of his old days in art school and how he felt like an outcast most of his life in high school.

- "Dude, you weren't the only girl in drum lessons. I was! you've got nothing on me!"- she joked and punched his arm softly.

- "You weren't the only girl there! Cut the crap!"- he teased her and chuckled ironically

- "We were three, and that doesn't mean it was easier. It meant three girls were being bullied by a bunch of assholes, who thought having a dick meant having more rhythm"- Joey answered quickly and raised an eyebrow looking at Gerard- "Spoiler alert, it doesn't." "Good, Joey!! You are actually having fun with this guy, and it's not weird or awkward or anything!! Maybe you can actually be friends!!"

- "Fuck!"- Gerard looked at her and smiled, as the girl sipped her coffee and walked happily, at last, both followed closely by Worm- "You are never going to be friends with her. You are gonna have to deal with the fact this crush might actually be worse than you can manage."

- "Oh my god!!"- a girl hyperventilated as she stood in front of Gerard. Worm walked and stood behind him and Joey quickly, as he put a hand on the girl's shoulder, making her feel protected in case any crazy psycho fan would try to hurt her again. Gerard signed the autograph and took the selfie as fast as possible to draw less attention, mainly to keep Joey safe.

- "Calm down, you two"- she said and looked at her friends- "Nothing bad is going to..."- but her words were interrupted by the same girl, who now stood next to her with shaking hands.

- "Hi, it's such an honor to meet you."

- "What?"- Joey asked out loud, confused

- "Can I take a picture with you?"

- "Sure"- the girl snapped a selfie with the drummer and smiled.

- "You've been such an inspiration for my sister and me! Now she started taking drum lessons, and I decided to try playing bass."

- "I'm so happy!"- Joey wide opened her eyes, surprised and mostly pleased- "We need more women kicking ass on stages all over!"- the girl blushed and giggled, obviously nervous. After a little more conversation and signing the girl's journal, Joey said goodbye and started walking.

- "That was so sweet!"- Gerard chuckled and looked at her. She was still blushing.

- "That had never happened before!! "No one had ever asked me for a picture!"

Joey made her biggest effort not to scream, in a very hard attempt to look cool, though she was freaking out.

- "Wait!"- she frowned and looked at Gerard- "Did you set this up for my birthday?"

- "What?!"- he was shocked at the idea, though it seemed like a good one- "No! I gave you a drawing, not a fan"

- "She is not my fan! She just wanted to..."- Joey spaced out for a second as Gerard laughed.

- "Yeah, she's your fan"

- "I've got a fan?!"- the girl shrieked, and even Worm laughed at her- "Fuck! Best birthday ever!! I'm gonna text Matthew!!"- Gerard smiled and felt tempted to hold her hand, but he couldn't. Instead, he lit another cigarette and walked around Detroit with Joey, trying to know more about her.

- "So how come you don't have more friends in Los Angeles?"- he asked after a few minutes of silence, which strangely didn't feel awkward at all.

- "Why should I?"- she answered as if Gerard's question was unnecessary.

- "Well, people have friends..."

- "Do you?"

- "Sure! Not a lot, but I've got"

- "Outside the band?"- Joey raised an eyebrow and looked right into his eyes

- "Yes"

- "Wow"

- "Why so surprised?"- Gerard knit his brows, almost insulted

- "'Cos... I have no idea, I just... you are not really that outgoing."

- "You are way outgoing and you don't have any friends, according to you."

- "And I am fine on my own."

- "You've got Mikey now"- Joey smiled sweetly, making the oldest Way slightly jealous

- "Yeah, I guess I do"

- "And Matthew hates him"- that wasn't a question, Gerard made a statement. Joey remained silent, though she giggled at those words- "You don't have to deny it"

- "Why do you always ask me something about Matthew?"

- "I don't!"

- "Well, we don't talk that much, I guess it's not that hard to ask the polite questions..."- the girl was more rambling on her own than answering Gerard.

- "If we don't talk that much, maybe you should tell me more about you now."

- "Why don't you tell me something about you I don't know?"- the girl requested and took another sip of her coffee. Gerard smiled and thought pretty good about the answer.

- "When I was in middle school, I was Peter Pan in a play."

- "Something I don't know, Gerard"- and he frowned.

- "I never told you that."

- "It's on your fucking DVD!"

- "You watched it?!"- the singer was both surprised and also intrigued by what had made her do such a thing.

- "Of course! I knew nothing but what Tucker told me about you, and though we shared a few days at practice together, I needed more info, so Matthew suggested it, and we watched it."

- "With him?"- Gerard was now in shock.

- "Of course, he needed to know what I was getting into, and with who"- he smiled, they were close to the hotel, and he felt frustrated that conversation might come to an end soon.

- "And what did he say?"- the drummer looked at him ironically- "You brought him up! Not me!"

- "But you are asking about his opinion!"

- "'Cos you brought it up!!"- Joey laughed and remembered that night. They didn't watch the whole thing 'cos her boyfriend had gotten too loving and romantic, thinking she would be away from him for a month. The whole evening ended up in dirty hot sex on her couch, the carpet, and on the bed. She shivered at the memory of his hands on her, and the frustration of not having him close on her birthday filled her head for a second. Until Gerard demanded to know what he had thought, again, and she caved in.

- "He was very into the whole thing about you all being outsiders, 'cos it's something he can relate."

- "Really?"

- "Yes"- Gerard nodded and sipped his coffee again. Joey looked at him and raised an eyebrow- "You are trying not to ask why right?"

- "No! Of course not!"- he answered, laughing

- "Bullshit!"- the girl cracked up, and Gerard smiled.

- "Fine!"

- "He was an outsider in school. He was bullied. He did magic for birthday parties. He was the weird guy in the class, like... the guy singing Peter Pan in a school play."

- "Really?"- and Gerard was now in shock- "I always thought he was the hot and popular guy getting all the chicks."

- "Nah... he was the geek guy I would have fallen in love with from day one in school"- she simply answered and blushed

- "I would have been the guy never talking with anyone sitting at the back."

- "We could have all been friends"- Joey smiled and finished her coffee.

- "Definitely", "Not! I would have been the guy in love with you, and never telling you, while I torture myself watching making out with Matthew".

The girl was happy she had a nice talk with Gerard for the first time, not thinking about kissing him. It felt like they could actually be friends. She might actually be over that silly crush. She felt so calmed, carrying Matthew's heart with her like she could do anything knowing he was close. Maybe that was what he meant with it.

The band was particularly excited that day. Frank was nearly jumping in the van on their way to the arena. He kept talking about the celebration they had planned and the tattoo he was going to give her.

- "It can be anything you wanted, as long it can be done in one session."

- "And before our reservations"- Mikey added

- "Shit, it's gonna be a short session then. I don't wanna end up with a shitty tattoo!"- the girl whined, and Frank gave it a little thinking

- "Wanna wait? We've got some time in London in February after Japan, maybe we can go to the guy that gave you your first tattoo, send him some references, you'd have more time to think of a design."

- "You wouldn't mind?"- Joey asked and gave him a shy smile, the one that Frank reciprocated with a huge grin

- "Bug, it's your birthday, it's your gift! You can have it whenever, and wherever you want"- he made a pause and looked at her blushing, and burst out laughing in a matter of seconds- "That didn't come out right, did it?"

- "Nop!"- Joey answered, laughing too- "But it's so good to know you are gonna give it to me whenever and wherever I want"- the girl made an innuendo joking and winked at her friend, who blushed even more. At that conversation, Gerard could only roll his eyes and look over the window. At least he had shared a special moment with her that day. The first in weeks.

- "At least we were alone, and we could talk... and she looked so happy when that girl asked for her autograph..."

- "So it's shaped like his heart? That bastard nailed it!"- Mikey nearly yelled as he heard Joey's story of Matthew's present. Gerard rolled his eyes again and put on his headphones. Right, he shared a perfect conversation with her about how perfect her boyfriend is for her.

- "Fucking Matthew"- it was all the singer could repeat over and over in his mind.

- "Oh my god!!!"- Joey yelled when she walked into their dressing room. It was filled with balloons, more cake, drinks, and a giant "Happy Birthday Bug" sign- How the fuck did you do this?!

- "We've got a guy, a "birthday signs" guy"- Frank simply said and smiled- "His name is Worm"- Joey turned to the bodyguard and hugged him tightly.

- "Thank you so much!!"

- "It's really nothing Joey, you deserve the happiest birthday!"

- "You guys are way too nice!"- Joey's voice shook, and felt Mikey's arms around her

- "Come here, Bug. Don't cry"

- "I'm not crying!"- the girl answered, wiping off the tears from her eyes- "I'm just so happy you guys are so nice to me. I mean, look at this! I'm gonna send mom a picture, oh! I'm gonna facetime Akumu!"- the girl quickly looked for her phone and opened the camera- "Ok, kids! Gather around!"

Everybody stood behind her, making sure the balloons and sign were showing- "Digan whiskey!"

- "What?"- Mikey asked, frowning

- "Just say whiskey!"

- "Whiskey!"- the girl shoot a bunch of pictures and ended up making funny faces with Frank.

- "Can we have one for the band's Twitter?"- Gerard asked and took a look at the pictures- "Worm, can you take us a picture?"

- "A very subtle way to tell me my picture sucks"- the girl teased him, and he chuckled.

- "I've got something different in mind"- Gerard gave Worm his phone and directed the band to stand right underneath the sign.

- "Ok, so where do I stand?"- Joey asked and walked over.

- "You won't stand"- Gerard answered with a huge smile

- "So I won't be in my birthday picture with the band... sounds right"- the girl answered ironically as the guys smiled

- "Fine, come here"- Frank pointed to a spot between him and Gerard. She walked over with a dorky smile, only to feel Ray and James grabbing her feet and Mikey her arms.

- "What the..."

- "Just stay still"- Gerard's hands held her waist and made her shiver as Frank held her thighs, his hands way too close to her ass.

- "And try to look hot"- Mikey added, making her laugh immediately

- "Shit, it's too complicated!"- she argued, still laughing until she made her best effort and smiled at the camera

- "You've got it, Worm?"- Gerard asked though he refused to let her go for at least a few more seconds

- "One more, smile!"- Worm said, and the whole gang grinned at the same time- "Perfect!"

- "Let me see!"- Joey nearly jumped from the guy's arms and ran to see the pictures- "Shit!! This is so awesome!! I wanna send it to Matthew too!!!"

Mikey and Ray smiled sweetly as they stared at her, hyperventilating over a simple picture. Gerard kept rolling his eyes every single time she mentioned her boyfriend. And Frank kept doing his best to remember he shouldn't be thinking about Joey's ass in his hands.

- "Baby poop, Mikey's armpit, Gerard's armpit... shit! That's gross"- he thought and did his best to hide his boner. Gerard grabbed the phone and uploaded the picture to the band's Twitter account.

- "Akumu!!"- Joey sort of yelled, jumping around the room, face-timing her boyfriend to show her everything around the dressing room. Gerard sighed and walked out to smoke a cigarette. He really didn't like Matthew, not even a little bit. And that day, he didn't feel like pretending.

That night the show was terrific. The band was blissed, jumping and making their best performance. Gerard made the crowd sing Joey "happy birthday," and the girl blushed, embarrassed, and excited. She was happy, she felt amongst friends. Even with Gerard. Their walk had made her feel so much more relaxed around him. He was hot, he was hypnotizing, he was a temptation, but she carried Matthew's heart around her neck, and that was enough. She loved her boyfriend enormously, and she wasn't going to let a crush get in her way.

- "Ok, kids! go get pretty!"- Ray said as the band stepped out of the van in the hotel parking lot after the show- "And please take a fucking shower!" Joey chuckled and walked slowly to the elevator. Mikey's arms around her shoulder made her smile as she met his eyes staring at her.

- "Are you ok, Bug?"

- "Yeah, I'm just tired."

- "You can't be tired, we've got you a huge celebration planned."

- "Please tell me it's video games and pizza, 'cos that's all I need."

- "Oh hell no!"- Frank jumped next to Joey and wrapped an arm around her waist, cutting off into the conversation laughing- "We have reservations at ten, so go, get a shower and get fucking hot, let's rock Detroit and take a million pictures to show Matthew what he is missing!"- the girl raised an eyebrow and looked at Frank- "Sorry Iceland, I am not going to pretend I'm cool with your boyfriend, he fucked it up big time with me, and I am gonna be a pain in the ass with him until I forgive him for standing you up on your birthday."

- "Shouldn't I be the one upset? And also the one to forgive him for not being here?"

- "Bug, it's time for you to know you are one of us now, which means if someone hurts you, we are gonna get mad and defensive. And mostly, vengeful."

Joey frowned. The whole gang got in the elevator together. They all got quiet at the same time, hearing what Frank had just said.

- "Iero, get this through your head, and this goes to all of you... except for Worm"- Joey shared a glance with him, and he cut her a big smile- "I don't need you to take care of me. I don't need you to get all "We have to defend the only woman in this band" because there is no need for that. The woman in this band can fucking look out for herself, and she had done it ever since she can remember, ok?"

Joey was serious and pretty emphatic. Too bad for her, the band wasn't going to do whatever she wanted to.

- "I'm sorry, Bug"- Frank started- "But I don't give a shit. I know you can defend yourself, I know you've done it, I know you'll keep doing it your whole life, but you are my friend now. And I will be there to break the face of whoever makes you upset from now on, so fucking deal with it."

Iero simply answered and smiled innocently. The kind of smile Joey couldn't be mad at. Maybe no one could be mad at that smile. He looked too sweet and adorable to upset anybody.

- "And I am your fucking dad, so you are doomed"- Ray added and rubbed Joey's shoulder's as he stood right behind her- "We don't really care what you say. We are gonna protect you anyway, not because you can't do it, 'cos we all know you are very good at it, but because we want to and love you, so stop arguing about it and deal with it."

- "I'm not gonna win this one, am I?"- Joey whispered and blushed

- "Nope"- Frank kissed her cheek and chuckled- "But if you want, you can protect Mikey from... well himself, I guess."

- "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"- the bassist asked and punched his friend

- "I'm just saying, if we were in high school, Joey would be the one helping you get rid of bullies"- the girl laughed at Frank's words, imagining the whole scene in her mind.

- "What makes you think I wouldn't be one of the bullies?"- she added and raised an eyebrow looking at Iero.

- "Damn! I didn't think of that."

Gerard didn't even open his mouth the whole elevator ride. He hadn't said a word since they left the arena. He just stared at the girl and did his best to look away every once in a while, knowing anyone could notice he was in trouble with her. Ray might have been right, and he had to fight against his feelings as badly as he could. Things weren't getting easy. He was glad there was just one more day of the tour, and then they wouldn't see each other until the end of January. He needed to be away from Joey to clear his head. But at the same time, he needed to be closer to her. Too close to her. He wanted to be so close he could actually be inside of her. But all those thoughts were the ones he had to fight against the most. He was doomed but didn't want to face it yet.

- "I'm so fucking cold!!"- Mikey whined as he stepped outside the van when they reached the bar.

- "Damn it, Mikey! I can't control the weather!"- Joey joked as she stood next to her friend and stuck out her tongue at him. She was freezing cold too, but she wasn't going to tell. She had three layers of clothing, but underneath it all, she made her best to look cute and put on her favorite dress.

- "It's gonna fucking snow"- Frank frowned and looked up at the sky- "I hate snow."

- "You can't fucking hate snow"- Joey argued and looked at him in awe- "You are not human!"- she made a pause and looked at him with a silly smile to then start singing- "You're not human, you're a miracle, a preacher with an animal's face!"- and Frank Iero looked at her with a blank stare- "Mr. Bungle, no?"- and he shook his head- "Damn it Jersey! The deception! the betrayal!"- Joey's laughter was so loud after delivering that line, people around them turned to see what was going on.

- "Are you drunk already?"- Ray asked, raising an eyebrow- "Did you drink the whole mini-bar before we left?"

- "No, dad!"- she quickly answered and chuckled- "I'm just happy, and I honestly didn't think I was going to be happy after Matthew told me he wasn't coming, so... thank you for making this day special for me."

Ray wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple.

- "And now we are gonna get you wasted, Bug."

The bar was amazing. It had craft drinks and lots of games, including a mini football table, bowling, and arcade games. Joey was in heaven.

- "Shit! And I took you to a shitty strip club!"- she said to Frank as they sat down on a booth and a waitress walked quickly to them.

- "Yeah, but it was in Amsterdam, Bug! It wasn't really that shitty. And we all know what happened there."

- "Are you going to top it all and do some live Frerard for me?"- Ray chuckled, and Mikey burst out laughing, watching Frank and Gerard's unhappy faces- "I'm sorry, you don't forget that kind of thing after you find it online... and read the fanfictions."

- "You read fanfictions?!"- Gerard freaked out, wide opened his eyes, and blushed.

- "A little... not a lot, shit is disturbing..."

- "Please stop!"- Frank begged as Mikey kept laughing- "I don't want to know, I never want to know."

- "Fine, I won't tell you a thing about it, just make sure your kids never ever google you"- Mikey had tears in his eyes at that point, and Gerard's cheeks were about to explode.

- "Fuck!!"- Frank covered his face with both hands, embarrassed- "I'm gonna have to wipe off the whole web before they can use a phone."

- "You can always put those parental control things online and pray they don't hack them"- Joey grinned, and Frank raised an eyebrow

- "Enough Frerard"- Gerard quickly said and looked at the menu- "Grab your drinks, let's make a toast, and let's get this party started."

- "We have a private karaoke room booked too"- Ray smiled proudly- "Mikey said you'd hate it, but we imagined you'd love it when you are drunk"- Joey wide opened her eyes. She hated karaoke. Mikey was right.

- "Do we really have to?"

- "Yes"

- "I'm not gonna sing in front of you. It's too embarrassing"- she said and looked at Gerard- "I mean..."

- "You already did, and you are a great singer."

- "You are too nice. I don't sing, I just try not to sound like nails against a blackboard as I play"- Gee chuckled, and Mikey said

- "I've heard you sing Bug. You are not bad; you are better than me."

- "Now that I think about it, I've never heard you sing"- she said, frowning. They had played a lot of times together, but she was always the one singing. He had never opened his mouth.

- "Well, tonight is going to be the first time you do"- the two of them smiled, and Gerard tried to think of anything to say to stop his brother to stare so sweetly at the girl he was crushed on. The phone helped him ruin their moment, though it was even worse when he heard

- "Akumu!!"

- "Yami! How are you? How was the show?"

- "It was awesome, everybody sang happy birthday"

- "I saw the guys posted a picture to celebrate you"

- "Yes! And we are out at my party celebration"- the girl tried to stand up from the booth, but Frank, who was on her way, didn't stand up- "Please, I need to talk with Matthew"- she looked at Iero's serious stare. She suddenly got a little nervous her friend might be rude to her boyfriend after saying all those things to her in the elevator.

- "Hey Mikey!"- Gubler said as the youngest Way peeked on the screen

- "Hey!"- he simply replied and nodded

- "Thank you for taking Joey out tonight."

- "It's the least we could do for her, you know"- Frank said- "Being here for her on her special day of the year."

- "Ok, excuse me"- Joey simply stood up and passed upon Frank, her dress not helping her moving and not helping neither Frank nor Gerard not to look at her ass in the way. It was too tight, too short, and too hot for both of them. Gerard only stopped staring when Ray smacked his head.

- "Hey!"- the singer whined, but Ray frowned so seriously he couldn't say anything else.

- "What was that about?"- Matthew asked Joey as soon as he was sure she was far from the band

- "They are mad at you for not coming"

- "Why? It's not their birthday. You forgave me. Why do they even bother?"- Joey made a pause and took a deep breath.

- "I guess 'cos they care about me, which is nice..."- the girl locked into the bathroom and rested her back on the wall in front of a mirror- "I asked them not to act like this, but I guess they just..."

- "Come on, Joey"- Matthew said, staring at her face on his cellphone screen- "You know why they are like this, 'cos they are crushed on you."

- "Yeah, Gub, a whole band is crushed on me, and they are being nice 'cos they want to make a gang bang with me"- she raised an eyebrow and looked at her boyfriend's face getting serious- "They just got mad 'cos they saw me depressed."

- "I don't buy it."

- "Why? 'Cos you wouldn't act like this if one of your friends was hurt?"- he didn't answer, he knew Joey was right, and Gubler knew he was just acting like that 'cos he was madly jealous.

- "I would... you know I would..."

- "Then?"- he sighed and tried to calm down.

- "Then... I guess... I don't want to face the... the fact... I hurt you"- he whispered, and Joey softened her face immediately- "I made you cry, I promised to myself the day we started dating I was never going to make you cry, and I did..."

- "Come on, Matthew"- she whispered- "It's not like you wanted to hurt me... it's just a birthday"- she said softly, with a small smile on her lips- "And we are going to be together in two days, just two days."

- "And I'm gonna make it up to you."

- "You already did with this necklace"- he smiled, watching his girlfriend wearing it.

- "You've got my heart with you forever"- she blushed and touched it.

- "And I am never letting it go"- Matthew sighed and looked at his girlfriend in silence for a few seconds.

- "I am sorry I freaked out with jealousy again, it's stupid, and I know it."

- "I'm glad you know it."

- "Those guys are nice at you 'cos you deserve it, and I keep making it something wrong... I'm sorry."

- "As long as you stop being jealous, I forgive you."

- "I promise... and what's your party like?"

- "You would love it!"- Joey felt calmed and happy again, after fixing everything with her boyfriend- "They took me to an amazing bar, there are arcade games, and bowling, and drinks, and fries and..."- Gubler chuckled, watching Joey all excited- "They want to force me to do karaoke, but I'll fight against it until I win."

- "You are going to sing, Yami, you know it"- the actor chuckled, imagining the whole scene.

- "I'm not! I hate karaoke!"

- "You are gonna sing, and I'm gonna need videos of that moment"

- "I won't"

- "Make sure Mikey makes some videos... I know he hates me now, but..."

- "He doesn't hate you"- Joey and Matthew stayed in silence, neither of them swallowing that lie- "Ok, you are not his favorite person at the moment, but he is going to get past this. I forgave you. You are not his boyfriend, so he is gonna come around eventually."

- "Yeah... you know, maybe we could do something with him when you come back"- Joey raised an eyebrow.

- "What's the catch?"

- "There isn't, he is your friend, and he takes care of you when I'm not there. I shouldn't hate him, I should be glad he is there with you, we should invite him for dinner one day to my place, I'll cook."

- "Ok..."- the girl answered excited Matthew wanted to be friends with Mikey- "I should have recorded that in case you forget it."

- "I won't, I swear"- he smiled and sighed

- "I should go back to my party"

- "Go, hey, you look stunning tonight"- the girl chuckled and gave Matthew Gray a better look of her outfit- "Damn it! I love that dress."

- "I know, I packed it for tonight..."- she sighed and smiled- "Anyway, what are you doing?"

- "I'm home already"

- "I can see that Matthew Gray. You are in your living room... alone?"

- "I've got a script to memorize"

- "You would be having fun if you were here"

- "I know... but we are gonna have fun in two days when you are here"- Joey grinned and nodded

- "It's a date"

- "It's a promise"- Gubler sent her a kiss, and so did she

- "I love you, Akumu"

- "I love you more, Yami"- she waved and hung down. Matthew stayed still, sitting all alone in his living room, holding the phone in his hand. He missed her. He missed her more than he thought he would. They hadn't been together for a year yet, and he was in love like he had never been before. That's why he was so jealous, so concerned. Joey was so independent, so wild, so tuff. He had never met anyone like that before. He knew he wouldn't meet anyone like that again. That's why he didn't want to lose her.

The young man stared at the little box on his coffee table and moved slowly to grab it, leaving the phone aside. He gently opened it and stared at the ring inside it, feeling his heart beating faster inside his chest.

- "She doesn't know it yet, but I can't wait to call her my wife"- he whispered to himself with a smile.

Joey hated how easily she forgave her friends. Mainly 'cos after talking with Matthew and seeing he understood why the band acted like that, she realized she understood them too. That didn't mean she didn't yell at them, but after a drink, things were back to normal. Well, not for Frank 'cos after seeing her in that dress, he had to keep himself from wrapping an arm around her waist. Not to mention Gerard, who was struggling to control his hard-on.

By the second drink, Joey and Ray were playing table football, laughing like maniacs. Some fans saw them and took a few pictures, which meant Worm had to work for a while. It didn't last long, but it made Gerard uneasy. What if someone took a picture that gave him away? He wasn't keeping his crush very secretly if Ray had noticed.

- "Goal!!!"- the girl yelled and raised her arms in victory- "Eat the ground, Raymond Manuel!"

- "Fuck! That's not fair!"

- "Why? 'Cos I'm fucking better than you are?"- she asked, sipping her drink, feeling already a little drunk.

- "Ok, kids, now or never"- Frank held Joey's shoulder and smiled

- "What?"- Joey frowned, confused.

- "Come on"- he held her hand and walked her to the back of the bar, followed by everybody else- "I know you said you hated this, but we also said we don't give a shit"- Joey walked into a private karaoke room and whine immediately

- "But it's my birthday, we should do something I like... like Call of Duty!"

- "And it's gonna be fun, I swear"- the girl frowned and looked around- "Come on, I got you another Long Iceland"

- "Island"

- "Not when you drink it"- Frank stuck out his tongue at her trying to look as cute as possible. Frank knew how to flirt and how to be hot, he said he hated when people, especially the media, called him a pretty boy, but he also knew how to use it to his advantage when the right time came. This was one of those moments. Joey felt her brain had turned off for a few seconds staring at those hazel eyes until Mikey appeared and smiled.

- "So, who's gonna start?"

- "Jersey!"- Joey quickly answered and looked at her friend- "He is the most excited with this, so let's give him a chance to break the ice while I get drunk enough to see if I can actually do this."

The girl grabbed her drink and looked at the table filled with food and booze. Her friends had taken care of everything. Maybe they could provide the entertainment too.

- "Well, if the birthday girl wants me to sing, and if I'm five beers in already, let's do this."

And Frank Iero did it. He sang Beastie boys Sabotage, and Joey sang along from her couch. He stood in front of her and sang, eyes closed, enjoying his moment on the spot. Followed Ray, who gave an amazing interpretation of Bohemian Rhapsody Joey even recorded. Gerard overshadowed everybody singing Lust for Life, and Mikey Way, obviously drunk, grabbed the mic after his brother and smiled.

- "Bug, this song is for you"- a silence filled the air as Joey grabbed her phone and took a picture of her friend, grinning like a maniac.

"Where is your boy tonight?

I hope he is a gentleman

And maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town."

A song Joey didn't recognize started, and the band burst out laughing. Frank especially was nearly in tears laughing as Mikey jumped around while the instrumental part of the song continued, and Joey looked at him, not getting what was so funny.

"When I wake up

I'm willing to take my chances on

The hope I forget that you hate him more than you notice

I wrote this for you, for you, so

You need him, I could be him

I could be an accident but I'm still tryin'

And that's more than I can say for him"

Mikey Way was giving everything he had into that performance, and the song was exactly how the band felt, especially Gerard. Frank stood up and grabbed another mic.

"Where is your boy tonight?

I hope he is a gentleman

And maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town."

Joey burst out laughing, paying attention to the lyrics while Ray jumped off the couch and started singing with his friends. She recorded them as Gerard kept thinking if she should join them or not. He wanted to, and it was just a fun moment. Who cared if he actually wanted to be Matthew? And so, he did.

"Someday I'll appreciate in value

Get off my ass and call you

The meantime, I'll sport my brand new fashion

Of waking up with pants on at four in the afternoon

You need him, I could be him

I could be an accident but I'm still tryin'

And that's more than I can say for him"

The girl didn't recall having that amount of fun ever on her birthday. She wasn't much of a celebration person, and though her parents always encouraged her to bring friends over and have a party on her special day, she would always prefer to have a quiet day on her own. She was really used to be on her own. She liked being on her own. But now, having a boyfriend and having friends seemed to be fun too.

"Where is your boy tonight

I hope he is a gentleman

And maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town."

The band finished their performance, and Joey clapped like a maniac. She stood up, drunk, making sure not to show her ass with that dress.

- "Shit!! That was so cool!!"- she said and gave each one a big kiss on the cheek- "You are the best bunch of brothers I had ever asked for or dream of having."

Joey looked at them. They were smiling and sweating 'cos they really had delivered everything there was left in the after playing a major concert.

- "Are you gonna sing now, Bug?"- Frank asked and passed her the mic

- "I don't know... let me see..."

- "Yes!! She is drunk enough!!"- the guitarist clapped, and the girl turned, frowning at him.

- "Dude, that sounds like you wanna take advantage of me."

- "Never!"- and he meant it- "I just wanna see you make a fool out of yourself drunk as a skunk, like we have all done for you"- he answered chuckling, and Joey smiled.

- "Don't worry Francoholic, I fucking trust you, I don't know why, but I do... just stop staring at my ass when I'm talking to you!"- Iero quickly closed his eyes shut and blushed- "I'm never wearing this dress around you ever again."

- "Oh, come on! You know you look hot!"- he answered, still eyes wide shot- "I can't help looking at you, but in a friendly way" Gerard sipped his coke and closed his eyes too. He felt busted. And he was. Joey knew he had been staring at her. She wasn't stupid, but being drunk didn't make her smarter either, and a part of her wanted him to want her. Even if she knew she wasn't going to do a thing about it.

- "I don't wanna break your nose, so cut it."

- "How many noses have you broken?"- Mikey asked, honestly curious. He knew Joey wasn't bluffing.

- "I'd say about... five, maybe four, I think one was just cracked"- she thought about it for a moment before she added- "Anyway, neither of those noses was broken just 'cos I felt like it, they all had a reason to bleed."

- "Which was?"- Mikey asked, sipping his vodka

- "Kids needed to know being bullies was a bad idea."

- "You got bullied at school?"- Gerard asked, remembering their earlier conversations

- "Hell no! I was an outcast, sure, I wasn't popular, I didn't really have many friends either, but shit! I knew how to defend myself from all the asshole"

- "Your dad taught you how to fight?"- Joey frowned at Frank's questions and sighed. She had said too much already. She hated sharing about her in school or why she wasn't a people person.

- "Yes, he did"- she simply replied and finished what was left of her Long Iceland- "Now let me see what I'm gonna delight you with... oh! my song!"- she got really excited all of a sudden and pressed a number.

- "Which is your song, Bug?"- Mikey asked, and Nirvana's Breed started. Joey jumped right away, going nuts. Yes, that was her song, ever since she first heard Nirvana when she was nine.

"I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care

Care if it's old

I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind, mind

Don't have a mind

Getaway, getaway, getaway, getaway, away

Away from your home

I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid

Afraid ghost

Even if you have, even if you need

I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed

We could plant a house, we could build a tree

I don't even care, we could have all three

She said"

She sang at the top of her lungs, jumping, losing her breath, and putting every inch of energy left in her body. She hadn't sung like that ever. She hadn't been that happy on her birthday. She kind of hated her birthday. For a long while, she hated being born. She wiped away those thoughts quickly, as the song ended and the band clapped, Mikey recording everything.

- "Matthew asked if you can send him those videos"- she said out of breath and dip on the couch next to Mikey.

- "Matt hates me"

- "No, he doesn't. He appreciates everything you've done for me. He asked me to tell you he invites you to his house for dinner. Also, don't call him "Matt." He hates it."

- "Dude, go and take pictures of his underwear drawer. I need an anniversary present of Jamia."

- "What?"- Joey frowned- "Jamia has the hots for Matthew?"

- "I thought you noticed she was drooling all over him each time we met"- Joey burst out laughing and nodded

- "I never noticed!! That's so weird!"

- "Come on, keep on singing Bug, I know you want to"- Ray said and took a look at the songbook with her

- "Can you sing with me?"

- "A duo? Hell yeah! Anything in mind?"

- "Megadeth!"- she cut him off with the answer and made him grin

- "Fuck yeah!"

Gerard smiled at Joey and covered her with his jacket as she sat half asleep next to him on the couch. Ray and Frank were paying, and Mikey was in the bathroom. It was almost four in the morning, the girl was wasted. Well, everybody was pretty drunk, to be fair. Except for Gerard, again. He was used to anyway. Being an alcoholic and staying sober for his friends wasn't really torture for him at that point. He knew he had a problem with alcohol, and he wasn't going to relapse. Besides, he wanted to be the sober one looking after Joey again. Just like he had done in Amsterdam.

- "Hey, are you awake?"- he whispered and moved some hair carefully from her face.

- "Yeah... but... not for much longer, I guess"- he smiled and felt her moving closer, snuggling on his chest- "Thank you, Gerard."

- "Happy birthday, Joey"

- "It's no longer my birthday..."

- "I don't care, we are still at your party"- he smiled and smelled her shampoo all over him as she was so close.

- "It was the best party ever"- she whispered and smiled

- "I'm glad you liked it"- Gerard couldn't control himself and landed a small peck on her head as he felt her sigh.

- "Way better than last year"

- "What did you do last year?"

- "I was home alone"

- "And your friends?"

- "I don't have friends in Los Angeles"- she simply replied and moved from his chest, sitting down correctly on the couch and fixing her dress- "Where's Mikey?"

- "In the bathroom"

- "Mikey drunken Way"- she whispered and chuckled- "I bet he is puking"

- "Yeah, he is wasted"

- "He is a functional drunk"

- "Like you"

- "Yeah"- she smiled pleased- "I do my best"

- "You really are close with Mikey"- Gerard said, thinking maybe with Joey intoxicated, he could know a little more about their friendship. He was still jealous.

- "Yes, he is my bróðir"- Joey smiled at him and sighed- "I always wanted an older bróðir."

- "Are you an only child?"- she nodded and sighed- "Do you feel ok?"

- "Yes, I just don't like talking about me."

- "Why? Sometimes I feel I don't know anything about you."

- "You know enough"- she simply replied

- "But I want to know more"- Gerard whispered and moved closer to her. His words made her shiver as he murmured them very close to her ear. That guy was trouble in tight pants, and he knew what to do to get a girl where he wanted. Just that this time, it wasn't going to work so easily.

- "You don't get to know more, Gerard"- she whispered and stood up the second Ray walked over.

- "Ok, kid, let's go... are you ok?"

- "I'm drunk, but I'm ok"

- "Can you walk?"- Joey raised an eyebrow and looked at her friend.

- "Bitch, please! I could pretend I'm sober if necessary."

- "It ain't, don't worry, come on, let's get you to the van"- Gerard frowned at the sigh of Ray walking away with the girl he wanted to take care of.

- "Can you stop doing this?! You have to stay away from her!! You keep thinking about it, but you end up the other way around every single fucking time!!"- he held his jacket and followed Ray and Joey- "Why can you just forget about this crush and live your happy life with your wife! You love your wife! You are happy with her! Why is this girl affecting you so much?"

Ray had to go to the bathroom before leaving the bar, so Gerard walked Joey out and got into the van with her, sitting next to her and feeling her resting her head on his shoulder in a matter of seconds.

- "You can sleep all the way back, Sugar, I'll take care of you"- he whispered in her ear, and she nodded, feeling the singer wrap an arm around her slowly and sweetly. They were alone in the van, and he was glad no one would see him for a few seconds, staring at her. Things were so mixed up inside his brain at that moment, but yet, he was so content to hold Joey in his arms. He didn't want to let her go.

- "Ok, how are we doing this?"- Ray asked as they reached the hotel's parking lot, and everybody was pretty much asleep and worn out. Parting after a concert was harder than they remembered. They weren't twenty anymore.

- "Can we sleep here?"- Mikey asked, not opening his eyes

- "Come on, let's go"- Gerard said and woke Joey sweetly- "Hey... time to go to bed- she opened her eyes and looked at him, confused."

- "Why?"

- "'Cos we are in the van."

- "Right, ok, let's go"

The girl wasn't drunk enough to need assistance walking, but she was so tired she felt she was walking asleep. Gerard wrapped an arm around her waist as soon as she stepped out of the van, in his mind, to keep her from falling, but he knew he just wanted to keep her close for a little longer. Mikey yawned, the elevator door closed, and everybody pushed their floor numbers. Everybody was on a different floor.

- "Are you gonna take her to her room?"- Ray asked Gerard and raised an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, don't worry"- the singer answered and smiled to calm his friend down- "Go to sleep, I'll let her in her room"

- "Do you need help?"- Mikey asked and yawned again.

- "Nah, she is awake, right, birthday girl?"

- "I'm so awake I might need a sleeping pill"- she answered, eyes wide shut

- "That's the spirit!"- Frank joked, and the door opened on his floor- "Please, somebody, wake me up tomorrow. I don't wanna miss the flight."

- "I don't wanna close my eyes"- Joey started singing, and everybody laughed- "I don't wanna fall asleep 'cos I'd miss you baby, and I don't wanna miss the flight."

- "Good night, party girl"- Frank kissed her forehead and got out of the elevator. Ray did the same a few seconds later, on his floor, not without raising an eyebrow at Gerard for one last time. Way nodded in response and smiled, trying to tell his friend he wouldn't do anything bad to the girl. He would never, taking advantage of a drunk girl had never crossed his mind, and that wasn't the night that could change.

- "Night, Mikey"- Gerard said when the door opened on Joey's floor.

- "Need help?"- he asked his brother

- "I don't need help to get into my room, just so you know"- Joey said, still eyes wide shut.

- "I'll be ok"- Gerard answered his brother and smiled.

- "Good night Bug"

- "I love you, Mikey drunken Way"- she answered, chuckling, and walked out the elevator with Gerard.

- "You are going to open the door for her, put her in her bed and leave, open the door, leave her in her bed, leave"- he repeated in his mind as Joey rested her weight against the wall next to her door. Gerard unlocked it and helped her in. She kicked out her combat boots and let loose her hair right away.

- "Not matching socks?"- he asked with a smile, and she chuckled

- "Yeah, it's a thing Matthew, and I've got"- she made a pause and looked around the room- "Thank you, Gerard, I think I can take it from here"- he nodded and stood in front of her in silence.

- "I'm happy your birthday was better than last year"- he said, and she smiled, yawning.

- "The bar was pretty cool Gerard, even pizza and Call of Duty would have been better than last year"- he stared at her in silence for a few seconds before asking.

- "Why don't you have friends in Los Angeles"- she looked into his eyes and sighed, knowing he wasn't going to give up asking.

- "'Cos I don't have friends Gerard"- she simply answered- "Not many"

- "You've got us"

- "Let's say you don't exist"- Joey said and sat on her bed, looking for the pajama she had left under the pillow earlier that day. It was one of Matthew's shirts- "My friends would be Tucker, who I see once every six months if lucky, and my neighbor Tabitha, who still lives in Seattle and I get to see... only when I'm home for the holidays."

- "Friends from school?"- she shook her head- "College?"- no again- "No one?"

- "No"

- "Why?"'

- "'Cos I don't trust people"- she simply answered and shrugged.

- "Bullshit, you've got a boyfriend. You wouldn't be able to keep a normal relationship if you don't trust people."

- "Fine, I trust Matthew, 'cos he is special, he is different, he understands."

- "What is so hard for the rest of the world to understand?"- Gerard moved closer and sat next to her, just like he had done earlier that day when he gave her his present.

- "I really don't want to talk about this, Gerard, not now. I'm happy right now."

- "I'm sorry I've been too pushy with you about this"- she smiled and nodded

- "Don't worry, I'm not mad, just drunk and tired."

- "I'll let you sleep"- she nodded and watched him not move an inch.

There was such a part of him that desperately wanted to stay here with her and hold her close, and he still didn't know why. It felt he couldn't think straight around her. And it was only getting worse over time.

Joey kept her eyes on his, knowing that was a bad idea, 'cos she could get easily lost in the hazel eyes that kept staring at her, with such sweetness she nearly trembled. It seemed he was leaning over her, but she didn't know if she imagined it or if it was real. She just stayed still. He felt his body was being attracted to her so intensely he wasn't going to be able to stop himself much longer.

- "I'm going to..."- Joey mumbled and grabbed Matthew's t-shirt tight- "I'm going to change..."- Gerard stayed still, waking from his reverie, and nodded.

- "Yes, sorry, I zoned out"- he excused himself and stood up quickly- "See you tomorrow Joey."

- "Bye"- she replied and watched him disappear through the door. The only thing she could do was hold her necklace with Matthew's heart and close her eyes.

- "Two more days, and I'll be with you, Akumu."

**

taglist @all-tings-diego @worryd0ll

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[twink-frank]

Nah, I'm right there with ya: Frank has many attributes, but big dick and an ass are not among them.

Gerard, on the other hand, seems pretty hung. An information he thrust in our face for years--against our will, might i add (those impossibly tight pants left very little to the imagination, Way).

Mikey does look like he has an average sized dick, so 💁🏻.

And only a blind person would miss Ray's sizable junk

small dick iero is something i will Stand behind until the day i die. we’ve almost never seen a distinct bulge in his pants and when we do its Very small. Also the biggest thing to me is how tightly that man can cross his legs, no one with a monster between their legs can cross them like that

mikey is very average, we’ve seen his bulge a few times and it doesn’t look that special. i do think he’s lacking in the girth category though, long and skinny just like the rest of him.

gerard is decently hung, and listen other people might not like him constantly flaunting his dick in those impossibly tight pants but I very much appreciate it.

RAY TORO IS PACKING THAT MASSIVE FUCKING SHMEAT AND NONE OF YOU CAN TELL ME HE ISNT

*EYES BULGE COMICALLY OUT OF HEAD* HUBBA HUBBA AWOOGA

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Holiday Dates (Pt. 2)

A/N: So here’s a part 2! I feel like this is almost like a slow burn, but not really, because there’s still chemistry and a soon to be date. But hope you guys enjoy! Pairing: Teen!Gerard Way x Teen!F!Reader Word count: 2,851 Warnings: Swearing, public humiliation, and cyber bullying mentioned.

The project took hours and hours for you two to do, but every minute was worth it. You and Gerard had managed to split up the work pretty evenly, doing research of experiments, outcomes, everything, and concocting a Powerpoint that was pretty professional.

It was the day before your presentation, Thursday during lunch. You had yet to tell anyone besides your parents about the date with Gerard that would be taking place the day after. Your mom was excited at first, your father on the other hand took a protective stand, insisting he know more about Gerard and meet him, which you of course warned the boy about.

But walking to your usual table and sitting down everyone grew silent. You gave a confused look, “What’s up guys?” You asked taking a sip of your water.

“When were you going to tell us about your date with the nerd?” Jason asked, a stupid and cynical smile on his face. Your eyes went wide as you thought of an excuse.

“Um I was-” “Never gonna tell us, huh? Your friends that you were going out with a weirdo? Do you know how this could affect our reputations around the school?” You squinted your eyes at him, looking for any signs of him being sarcastic. But of course, there were none.

“What, do I now have to ask you for permission to go out with who I want to go out with?” A sudden confidence grew within you.

“I never said that.” He snapped back.

“You’re implying it.” You looked around at your friends who were all giving you looks, silently agreeing with Jason. You scoffed, getting up and grabbing your bag, “I can not believe this!” You said, “You really think me going on a date with Gerard is going to ruin your “reputations” around here?” “Yes, yes it is.” Jason responded.

“Go to hell!” You fired back, “It’s not like any of this is going to matter after high school anyways.”

“Y/N, people are looking.” Shanna harshly whispered at you.

“Let them look!” You said right back, looking at Jason again, “The audacity you have is unbelievable! My ex seriously trying to prevent me from going out again? At least Gerard isn’t a douche bag who just wants to fuck me.” You eyed him, his mouth partially agape in shock now, “So I would suggest, you go fuck yourself. All of you.” You stormed away unsure of where that sudden confidence came from. Everyone in the student commons were staring at you, some people even had their phones out. So yes, this would probably be the big news of the school in T-Minus 15 minutes.

You decided to instead walk to the bathroom having no where else to go. On your way in your internal rage you bumped into someone, not knowing who. “Oh I’m so sorry I-” “Hey, Y/N.” You heard Gerard’s calming voice, looking up to see his sweet smile and beautiful eyes. Damn he was gorgeous.

“Hey.” You responded, sighing, “I’m sorry about that I-” “No it’s alright, really.” He said, scanning your face for a moment, “What’s wrong?” His perfect eyebrows creased.

“It’s just,” You sighed, “I got into a fight with my friends over stupid stuff and I don’t know, nasty things were said.” He lightly nodded. “Where were you headed?” “To the bathroom,” You admitted, “I don’t really have any where else to go considering I just cursed out all of my friends.” “Well you didn’t to me.” He lightly smiled, “Here, c’mon, let’s go sit with my friends.” He told you.

“Oh, I um I-” “No, c’mon, I’m insisting.” He softly smiled.

“Oh, okay.” You said, walking next to him down the hall to the cafeteria. You walked in, and to be honest, there was something so warm about the all wood room. You hadn’t been to the cafeteria since your freshman year, being a junior now, but this was clearly where all the outsiders hung. And you didn’t mind it.

He walked you through the various aisles, tables on each sides of students talking and laughing, until you hit the final table at the end of the room, in the center. There were three other boys there. You studied each one of them individually, moments at a time. The first one had big, curly, red-ish, but kind of brunette hair. His fro was pretty impressive, and his red sweater looked pretty comfortable you had to admit.

The next you knew was Mikey. He was your lab partner in biology last year, as he was two grades ahead in science. He was really nice and docile, super sweet and helped you pass bio.

And finally was a short guy, not more than four inches taller than you, he was sitting on the table with a leather jacket that contrasted his button up shirt and tie. His sleek black hair and ear piercings caught you first.

“Hey guys.” Gerard greeted them, taking a seat at one of the empty chairs, another empty one next to it where he motioned for you to sit down. All three boys looked up to him with smiled before their eyes moved to you, their mouths all dropping and eyes going wide. “This is Y/N.” “Yeah you dummy, we know.” The black haired boy spoke. “I think every damn person in this building knows.” Gerard rolled his eyes.

“I, um, I’m Ray, Ray Toro.” The fro boy spoke up.

“Nice to meet you.” You kindly smiled.

“I’m-” “Mikey, you were my bio partner last year.” “You remember me?” The thin boy asked with a light smile.

“Yeah, of course I do.” You responded, “You were the sole reason I passed that class.”

“Wait, you two already know each other?” Gerard gave you a confused look and you both nodded.

“Why?” You asked next.

“We’re brothers.” Gerard responded and now it was your turn to give a confused look. “For real?” You asked and they both nodded.

“Mikey, why didn’t you tell me you knew her?” Gerard now turned to his younger brother, eyeing him.

“I thought when you said Y/N, you meant another Y/N. Like Y/N Hamilton or Y/N Patricia. There are a lot of Y/N’s.” He sighed.

“Wait, you’re going out with Gerard?” Black hair boy asked. You nodded and he laughed, “You’re joking.” “No, I’m not.”

“Dude, why?” Gerard harshly nudged him.

“Shut up, Frank.” He defended you and Frank rolled his eyes.

“So why are you hanging with us?” He asked next.

“Because my friends are a bunch of asshats.” You admitted.

“Oh, miss goody too shoes swore.” Frank smiled and you eyed him, tempted to slap the boy across his face.

“Frank, you’re really good at ruining everything.” Gerard commented.

“So, what’re you into?” Ray asked, trying to break the tension.

“Honestly?” You inquired next and he nodded. “Well, I really really love to read. I love graphic novels and comic books too. And dogs, I love dogs.” “Then you should fit right in.” Mikey said next. 

“I thought Miss Perfect like clothes and jewelry and all.” Frank commented, his words creeping under your skin and biting. You kept your composure not trying to blow as you had just done so to your previous group of friends. “Leave her the fuck alone.” Gerard demanded, Ray and Mikey’s eyes going wide. Frank sighed and leaned back against the wall.

“Fine,” He stated reluctantly, “I will.”

“For the record I do like jewelry and clothes,” You looked at him, “But that doesn’t mean I can’t like other things too.”

The day went on after lunch, the video previously of course got passed around like wildfire. You chose to ignore it all, Gerard texting you halfway through your last period to ask how you were doing. You weren’t sure how to properly respond other than a simple “Fine.”

But the weird stared and mumbles as you walked down the halls with piercing eyes of fellow teenagers who managed to drill into your skin made you extremely uneasy.

It wasn’t until you were walking out of school and someone decided to call for you. Because of course, Jason had to label you as “psycho girl”, which was being passed around the school.

“Hey!” You heard another familiar voice. You looked back to see Frank pushing the throw the guy against the wall. He might’ve been small, but he had some guts. “Leave her alone!” He demanded, walking down the stairs to where you were with Mikey, Ray, and Gerard following.

“You alright?” Gerard asked you with a concerned look on his face. You nodded.

“Yeah,” You responded barely above a whisper, Gerard motioning for you two to exit the building along with the other guys. 

“Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked once the two of you were outside of the building. You shook your head.

“It’s the exact opposite way from where yours is.” You lightly laughed.

“I can still go-” “It’s okay, Gerard, really. You’ve done enough for me already.” You lightly sighed, “I’ll FaceTime you later, alright?” He nodded and gave a tight smile before turning the other way.

You got home, locking yourself into your room on the verge of breaking down. That was until your phone rang. You got up looking at it to see Gerard’s name popped up so you answered. “Hey,” He smiled on the other end.

“Hey.” You responded trying your hardest to smile.  “So, um, should we try to finish the project?” He asked and you nodded, propping your phone on your computer.

You opened up your shared project, talking to one another and going through who would present what. You could tell Gerard was trying to make you laugh, and while he usually would have been wildly successful with his stupid jokes, he barely got a snicker out of you. “Night sugar, you did well.” You lightly smiled.

“Thanks, Gee.” You stretched. “Never as smart as you though.” He rolled his eyes.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” He leaned back on his bed. You rolled your eyes this time.

“Goodnight, Gee. You’re the best.” “Night.” He responded and you hung up.

You barely got any sleep last night. Even after deleting all social media to try and get away from any video of you surfacing and finding it’s way to you, your anxiety was still spiked. The melatonin didn’t help either.

So it was a pleasant surprise to see the boys at your locker talking. Gerard saw you walking towards them, and smiled, walking up to you. “Here,” He handed you a cup filled with the magic liquid in a cup, aka iced coffee. You smiled and took it from him. “I didn’t think you would get much sleep last night.”

“Well isn’t that so sweet of you.” You smiled genuinely for the first time in almost a day, scrunching your nose. You briefly looked over his shoulder to see your now old friends all looking at you, so you made a move.

Getting on your tip toes you leaned up and kissed Gerard on the cheek. When you pulled away his mouth was wide open, his face immediately turning red. Looking to your right you saw the three boys all staring the same, with their mouths agape, except for Frank who had a smug smirk on his face. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“What was that for?” Gerard asked a few seconds later, his voice barely above a whisper.

“For brining me coffee,” You smiled up at him, “And not being an ass.” You gave him a quick wave before walking off to your own class, the guys muttering some things as you left, what you assumed to be about you.

Your day went on pretty typically, ignoring all the nasty rumors and murmurs from your fellow peers who, based on one 15 second video, had managed to rebrand you as a person, and completely recreate a reputation for you.

That was until your AP Psych class finally came along. You walked in, sitting next to Gerard who smiled up at you. “You ready?” He asked and you nodded.

“I just wanted to say,” You started right after the bell rang, “That I wouldn’t have wanted to do this project with anyone else.” “Me neither.” He smiled, looking at you genuinely.

One by one Mr. Young called up the partner pairs, you and Gerard managed to be called last. “Ms. Y/L/N and Mr. Way, you’re up.” He announced from behind his desk, pulling up the presentation you sent to him.

The two of you walked up to the front of the class, each of you standing on one side of the board. You had practiced over FaceTime at least three of four times, but presenting in front of Gerard was drastically different from presenting in front of 30 of your own peers. So naturally, your anxiety skyrocketed.

“Good morning, everyone.” Gerard began, as planned, “I’m Gerard.” “And I’m Y/N.” You put on your best face. “And we decided to do our project on social psychology, and how the human mind works and functions in given social situations.”

One by one you went on from each slide, you gradually getting more comfortable. You had to admit, you would have probably broken down completely by now if it wasn’t for Gerard occasionally stepping in on the spot to help you. But by the end, the two of you were going back and forth flawlessly off of each other’s ideas, a true team and everyone could tell. 

“And that’s all, thank you all so much.” Gerard smiled and you did too, walking back to your desks as the class clapped.

“Thank you Ms. Y/L/N and Mr. Way that was wonderful.” Mr. Yang smiled, finishing up a few notes he has started writing when you started your presentation.

“I fucked it up.” You immediately told Gerard as the two of you walked out of class, the end of the bell still ringing. “I really fucked it up.” You groaned.

“No, you didn’t.” He lightly smiled, “You did great.” “Oh, please, if it wasn’t for you coming to save my ass we would both have a D on the project.” “Sugar,” He stopped you in the hall, taking you by your arm and pulling you to the side, “No, you didn’t fuck anything up. You did great, and I know we did extremely well on that project!” “Stop making me try to feel better,” You complained, “I fucked up both our grades.” “No you didn’t,” He argued, “And I’ll have confirmation of that by the end of the day, because Mr. Young always puts in the grades within a few hours.”

And much to your chagrin (well, not really) Gerard was right. By the end of the day when you were checking your grades on your phone, there popped up a new grade inserted for the project. Lo and behold it was a 97. Because a 98 would have made it an A+, and Mr. Young never gave out A pluses.

“See, I told you.” Gerard smiled, strutting up to your locker. “We nailed it.” You swung your backpack around your shoulder, standing back up and looking at him.

“Yeah I know,” You sighed, closing the door shut. The two of you began walking down the hall to where the other guys were, all at Frank’s locker. You stood there with them, a light and random conversation going about, taking up the intermediate time before exiting school for break. “So I’m picking you up tonight at 7?” Gerard asked, the two of you now outside and on the sidewalk. You nodded and smiled. “Great, see you then sugar.” “Bye, Gee.” You smiled and waved, walking the other way.

Every hour after that you were at the very least mentally preparing yourself for your date with Gerard. Sure, that saying may come with a negative connotation, but it was more so just you trying not to completely fuck up.

You had managed to do your makeup, not too heavy at all and quite natural, even though Gerard insisted numerous times that you were beautiful as is. Your mom also helped you with your hair, letting it’s natural texture go but with some very minor styling, getting some frizz and imperfections out.

“Sweetheart, you look gorgeous.” You mom clapped and smiled at the end.

“Mom, I’ve gone out with guys before.” You complained, looking at your phone. 6:58.

“Yes, but this man seems more,” She pondered trying to find the right words for a moment, “Respectable.” You rolled your eyes.

“Gerard is a great guy.” You concluded, sitting at the kitchen island across from her.

“Good,” She began, “Then he and your father should have no problems.” You nodded. Just a moment later you all heard the doorbell ring. You took a deep breath, letting out a slower one. Mainly out of excitement, but also trying to prevent yourself from squealing and jumping into Gerard’s arms the first time you saw him.

“Here goes nothing.” You mumbled under your breath.

[rpf-bat]

When You Wanna Be A Movie Star

Pairing: Ray Toro x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 13. Prompt: “Stigmata.” 

You’re a struggling actress, living in Los Angeles. When an audition doesn’t go the way you hoped, your friend Ray, tries to cheer you up, with a movie night. You tell him he can pick the film - and he immediately chooses Stigmata (1999). 

You jumped up when the phone rang. The caller ID, told you it was the producer of the television series that you’d auditioned for last week.

“H-Hello?” you said hopefully, trying not to sound like you were out of breath, from running across the room. 

“Hi, Y/N,” the Hollywood producer said jovially. “I just wanted to give you a courtesy call today, to let you know that we’ve selected another actress for the part.”

“.....Oh.” Your face fell. 

“Thanks so much for answering our casting call, though,” the man said politely. “We’ll be sure to give you a call, next time we’re seeking new talent.” 

“....Thanks,” you replied, tears welling up in your eyes, as you disconnected the call. You resisted the urge, to throw the phone across the room. 

I didn’t get the part, you thought miserably. I worked so hard to get my audition monologue just right, and it still wasn’t enough. 

You knew that if you stayed home tonight, you’d do nothing but cry about it. It was better to go out, and try and take your mind off it. Feeling in need of emotional support, you called your best friend, Ray. 

You two had known each other, since your second year of film school. But, rather than graduate alongside you, Ray had dropped out, in order to go on the road with his band. His gamble had more than paid off - The Black Parade had recently been certified platinum.

Despite his newfound fame, Ray still always managed to make time for those that knew him before he got ‘big’. He picked up on the second ring. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he said warmly. “How are you doing today?”

“Not so good, Toro,” you confessed. “Would it be alright with you, if I came over, and hung out tonight?”

“Sure, I didn’t have any plans,” Ray replied. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, it’s almost Halloween,” you pointed out. “How about a horror movie night? You can pick whichever movie you want, I don’t care.”

“In that case,” Ray suggested, “how about Stigmata?”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You showed up on his doorstep, later that night, a few bags of microwave popcorn in hand. 

“Hi, Y/N,” Ray smiled, opening his door for you. “Thanks for bringing the snacks! Come on in.” 

You walked into his spacious living room. His television was twice the size of yours. You couldn’t wait to see Patricia Arquette’s hands bleed in super-high-definition. 

“Out of all the horror films you have on tape,” you asked, raising an eyebrow, “you really want to watch Stigmata?”

Compared to other titles in Ray’s vast collection, like Friday The 13th or Dawn Of The Dead, you thought that Stigmata was kind of obscure. It had done decently well at the box office, when it first came out, but critics had panned it. 

“Well, I’ll always have a soft spot for Stigmata,” Ray confessed, “because you were in it.”

“I was barely in it,” you recalled. “I was just an extra, in the background. I didn’t even have any dialogue.”

“Still, it was your first role ever,” Ray remembered fondly. “You were so proud of yourself, when it first came out, you made everybody from school, go to the theater, and see it.” 

“Yeah,” you laughed. You’d thought, at the time, that it would be the beginning of your success story. Instead, over half a decade later, you were still struggling to get gigs. You’d had no choice, but to supplement your income, with a stereotypical barista job. 

It was Ray, who had actually become someone important. 

He sat down on the couch, patting the seat beside him. 

“Are you ready to get spooked?” he grinned. “I’ll go pop the popcorn, if you get the VCR started.” 

“Sure,” you nodded, taking the VHS tape, from his outstretched hand. You were surprised that he still had a VCR. Over the last few years, DVD had quickly become the primary format for new film releases. Then again, Ray was an old-fashioned guy - most of the films he liked were classics.

You popped the tape into the VCR slot, and sat back down on the couch. He sat down beside you, a bowl of freshly popped corn in his hand. You dug your hand into the bowl, and dumped a handful of salty, buttery comfort food in your mouth, as Ray pressed play. 

The film opened with Gabriel Bryne’s character, watching a statue of the Virgin Mary, cry tears of blood. 

“Did you know he won a Razzie Award, for Worst Supporting Actor, for this film?” you scoffed. 

“Aw, did he really?” Ray laughed. “Poor dude. He tried.” 

“He was actually a decent guy,” you recalled. “He wasn’t too snooty, to talk to all the extras, who were filming this scene with him.” 

“Oh, look, there you are!” Ray said excitedly. He hit the pause button, freezing the frame. Bryne’s character, Father Andrew, was walking through a bustling Brazilian marketplace. The you of six years ago, stood behind him, playing the role of a nameless shopper. You were looking down, scrutinizing a piece of fruit that was for sale. 

“Yeah, blink, and you’ll miss me,” you said, rolling your eyes. “I was in this movie, for a whole thirty seconds.” 

“Every time I watch this movie with the guys,” Ray confessed, “I point those thirty seconds out.”

“Do you really?” you blinked.

“Yeah,” Ray chuckled. “I’m like, look, there’s my friend! Isn’t she cool?”

“I’m not cool,” you frowned. “Ray, I’m not even cool enough, to get a part, on some stupid daytime soap opera.”

“Is that what you were upset about, when you called me earlier?” Ray realized, frowning. 

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I thought I did really good, at my audition. But, I guess I blew it.” 

“It’s okay,” Ray assured you, giving you a supportive pat on the shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll knock your next audition, out of the park.” 

“No, I won’t!” you said glumly. “Ray, I’ve been trying to get famous for years now, and I’m no closer to my goal, than I was the day I started.” 

“Fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, okay?” Ray grumbled. “Last week, I was super sick. Like, coughing up a lung….” 

“Oh, no,” you interrupted, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine now,” Ray assured you. “My point was - I was feeling like absolute crap, and I just wanted to get some NyQuil, take it, and go to sleep. So, I’m standing in the cold and flu aisle, at the drugstore, and of course, this girl in a My Chemical Romance shirt comes up to me.” 

“Yikes,” you groaned. “She wanted an autograph?”

“Yeah!” Ray nodded. “I was like - really? Right now?!” 

“Did you tell her no?” you wondered. 

“Nah, I signed her thing,” Ray confessed. “But, honestly, I hate getting recognized in public like that, when I’m just trying to go about my business.” 

“You could have paid somebody to go to the store, and get the NyQuil for you,” you pointed out. 

“I mean, I could afford to,” Ray admitted. “But, I really don’t want to do that. I just want to be….a normal guy. Like I used to be, when we lived in New Jersey together.” 

“You’re not that guy anymore,” you frowned. “You’re the guitarist of one of the most popular bands on the planet.” 

“I don’t care about popularity,” Ray shrugged. “I just like making music.” 

“It’s not fair!” you snapped. “You have all this notoriety, and you don’t even want it! Meanwhile, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a Hollywood star - a household name. But, my biggest claim to fame, so far, is some shitty Pizza Hut commercial!” 

“I...I actually really liked that commercial,” Ray said softly. “Every time I saw it on TV, it put a smile on my face.”

“Really?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “My line in it, wasn’t even that funny.”

“I didn’t like it because of the script,” Ray confessed. “I liked it, because seeing your face, made me happy.” 

“What’s so special about my face?” you asked.

“Well…..it’s a very pretty face,” Ray mumbled, blushing. 

“Wh-What?” you stammered, your ears turning red. “You think that I’m pretty?” 

“I’ve always thought that, Y/N,” Ray whispered, his brown eyes, staring softly into yours. “I don’t love Stigmata, because of the script, or the cinematography, either. I don’t even care, that Billy Corgan did the soundtrack for it. I loved it, just because….I love you.” 

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Could Ray actually return, the feelings you’d been keeping secret?

“You mean, you love me….like you love all your friends?” you guessed, trying not to get your hopes up. 

“No,” Ray shook his head, looking away from you, shyly. “Y/N… I mean, I love you, like a man loves a woman. I want you. Like...how Frankie wanted Father Andrew, in the second act of the movie.”

“Doesn’t he reject her advances, because he’s a priest?” you asked, recalling the film’s plot. 

“.....Are you gonna reject mine, too?” Ray breathed, eyes downcast.

“No,” you shook your head. “I sure as hell didn’t take any vow of celibacy, Toro. I want you right back.” 

You leaned over on the couch, and kissed him. He tasted salty, like popcorn. But, his touch, as he gently pulled you closer, was oh so sweet. 

“....I’ve wanted you all along,” Ray confessed, gently kissing you a second time. “I just didn’t know how to ask you, to be mine.” 

“Well, if you’re asking me now,” you smiled, pushing him backwards, into the couch cushions, “then I’m yours.”