#rather than making a coherent argument is telling

[daeneryseastar]

your first talking point implies that i believe viserys was ‘worthy’ of the throne to begin with, and i don’t. the whole point of that specific phrase being used was to point out the hypocrisy in calling out how ‘rhaenyra did nothing but rely on viserys’ and yet how aegon did the exact same thing with alicent but is conveniently left out of the conversation. and you’re right! no one is actually worthy because blah blah blah it’s a feudal society. the concept doesn’t really exist unless it’s being used as political propaganda for the candidate who is to become the reigning monarch or acting lord. you’ll notice how i never said that rhaenyra was worthy either, and nothing about my post implies as such. the ‘won power through threats and intimidation’ is a disingenuous statement considering that’s how plenty of houses gained their power, you know, because westeros is feudalistic? power vacuums? the targaryen’s aren’t the only ones who benefit from the system, contrary to antis beliefs.

i disagree with ‘it’s more like political pawns solely being used to secure their factions interest’ because that directly removes any and all culpability from rhaenyra and aegon during the dance. these two are not children when it occurs. i’m not going to get into ages on the show due to how messy the timeline is, but rhaenyra is 31/32 in f&b and aegon is 22. adults. especially by westeros’ standards. rhaenyra did not want war initially, and maybe aegon didn’t either, but that doesn’t change that they do hold at least partial responsibility for it. maybe when rhaenyra was younger you could use that excuse, but it doesn’t hold up during the war, just like aegon’s ’but my sister is the heir, not me. why would a brother steal his sister’s birthright?’ also doesn’t hold up. that statement to begin with could also be taken as pro-aegon propaganda, what with the whole ‘all three of alicent’s sons viewed rhaenyra and her sons as stealing their birthright’ mentioned earlier in the book disputing it. you’re also contradicting yourself in the tags by saying that viserys committed treason by being elected as king despite rhaenys’ stronger claim, but then saying that everyone during the dance period had ‘equal claims’ to the iron throne. that isn’t how it works.

your last point is moot considering the targaryen’s didn’t descend into ‘near’ irrelevance after the war, they still rule for almost 200 more years AND the most powerful person in the asoiaf main timeline is a targaryen. irrelevance implies nonexistence (whether that’s due to the ‘bloodline’ dying out, their political prowess not being as strong, or not being as powerful of a house is apart of that), which, very resoundly, is not the case here. i would think that i would be able to make a comparison on a post blatantly tagged ‘anti team green’ and ‘anti aegon ii targaryen’ without meatriders showing up and purposely missing the point of the post, but alas, here we are. ‘this isn’t disney’ yeah, i know. kind of obvious since i mentioned aegon’s gratuitous raping of serving girls, but i guess that point was completely glossed over in your reading. do i need to mention the 12 year old from f&b as well? the way i apparently need to point out every single flaw of every single character in a post comparing two specific characters shows more about your comprehension skills than mine.

it’s always ‘rhaenyra did nothing to secure her ascension, she just relied on her daddy to uphold her claim’ and never ‘aegon did nothing to prove he was worthy of being named heir, let alone being king, and solely relied on his mommy and grandpa to cover for his less than stellar hobbies like his drinking issues and his raping of serving girls’ in this essay i will-

[chiliyue-archived]

Wonderstruck

↬love at first sight

Includes; (Dorm Leaders) Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Kalim Al Aism, Vil Schoenheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

Gender Neutral Reader

Requested !

-

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle, who swores that at that very moment, something jabbed into his heart. But rather than an ache or a sharp pain, it was pleasant, warm, and quelling - squeezing his heart as though someone was comfortingly squeezing his hand. His face became flushed in a matter of seconds, his hair and face a similar shade of red. He didn't know what this feeling was; it was so strange, and it happened all in an instant. He's so terribly confused, but, for some reason, he can't peel his eyes away from your figure. Whatever should the queen of hearts do?

Leona Kingscholar

Leona, who was already rolling his eyes despite the dancing feeling on his chest. Butterflies? Of course not. He doesn't get butterflies that's so ridiculous - well, alright, he's a little surprised and caught off guard, that much he'll admit outloud. It's like his brain and his heart in an argument, one screaming to speak to you, the other not wanting to indulge the thought. He attempts to avoid your gaze, knowing very well he'll only be digging a bigger grave if he continues to stare. But his body subconsciously takes a risk to a steal a second look and then a third. Love at first sight is such a silly thing and definitely not for him— but his body and, more specifically, his heart betray him.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul, whose hands become clammy in a matter of seconds, and he's forgotten where he is. What was he doing there again? The answer fleeted from him as he struggled to recompose himself. Your irises were so alluring, and yet his face reddened with every second his own eyes lingered. He makes a feeble attempt at coughing into his fist, trying to clear his mind; but he can't. It's running a million miles per hour, and yet nothing is coherent and clear. The words on his tongue make no sound, and his throat feels terribly dry. His feet feel as though they're glued to the floor, paralyzed in his lovestruck state. He can only pray no one catches into his thumping feelings.

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim, who was so oblivious and doesn't recognize what he's feeling. He thinks it's just a desire to befriend you just like he does with everyone he meets. But this one is different. The answer is probing the back of his head as he ponders for the answer- he just can't place a finger on it quite yet. Before he knew he was already starting a conversation with you. Your voice only spurred on his emotions as he giggled and spoke his mind freely. He wasn't sure what it was his heart and brain were telling him, but he was rocking on his feet almost in anticipation as you both talked, his eyes taking in every detail about you. He may act similar towards others, but the emotions swarming within his chest was a new one caused by you and you alone.

Vil Schoenheit

Vil, who is a master at masking his emotions and wearing a false mask that easily persuades his audience. As his eyes dawn on your own, he effortlessly covered up his initial reaction; really, there was only a small window of opportunity to see his figure falter even the slightest bit. However, he finds himself placing his complete and utter attention towards you, eyes taking in and analyzing all your movements and small mannerisms. Even as he places a quick act upon his peers, he can't fake the way his brow slightly rises or how his pupils dilute when he gazes at you for the first time. And as skilled and applauded he is for his talents, even he can't help but gawk at you from afar even for those couple seconds.

Idia Shroud

Idia, who swears his hair sparked a red in that moment, matching the fuming hue that was growing on his face. It took all his willpower not to pull on his hoodie strings, hiding his visage from prying eyes. He is quite baffled with himself; he's seen this trope far too many times with the media he consumes, but is it really occurring with him? He could hardly think it as real, and yet there he stood being bested by his own heart. This must be some form of dream, he argued, that he was living as a protagonist within his head because you looked so perfect and he too bland— or so he perceives. But he fails terribly at masking it, his lip trembling slightly, hair tips still flaring a golden spark as he questions what to do.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus, who stared at you fondly within that very second. His features remained passive, his brow arching slightly as a blooming feeling overwhelmed his chest. Perhaps to others, his expression may have been seen as intimidating. But to those such as Lilia, within his expression; infatuation was evident, irises focused onto a single thing. A single person. He was shamelessly staring at that point, his eyes unable to look away from your own. If you catch him, he'll merely give you a small smile, a very very very faint red painting his cheeks. Because at that point, Malleus has already found you to be the most enchanting person he's ever laid his eyes upon.

-

[blue-mint-winter]

About Alyssa Targaryen

Alyssa Targaryen, daughter of Jaehaerys and Alysanne and mother of king Viserys I and Daemon the Rogue Prince, is a character recently talked about due to her brief appearance in the TV show. The fan opinions about her seem strangely very positive. She's seen as a cool character and a good mother to her sons, because she took them dragonriding soon after giving birth. In relation to her younger sisters Alyssa is also seen as the better one or lucky for having a happy marriage with her brother and avoiding a more tragic fate. Certainly she's regarded as the most successful among the daughters of Alysanne because her descendants continued the dynasty. I've seen opinions that Jaehaerys and Alysanne only failed as parents to their younger children (from Daella and younger), who caused many problems, but they raised the older ones - Aemon, Baelon, Alyssa, Maegelle and Vaegon - to become good and decent people. There are also voices that she's just another dead mother, her character is uninteresting/unimportant compared to other sisters and she only exists in the story to have sex and birth future main characters.

After I read about Alyssa in Fire and Blood I found that all of the above opinions feel distinctly off the mark, especially in regards to her good character. Alyssa came off to me as rather unpleasant, mean and obssessed with sex, however the in-universe book's author, maester Gyldayn, doesn't portray any of her bad qualities as bad or undesirable in a princess, while at the same time he's very critical of her sisters' displaying similar faults.

Instead Gyldayn's portrayal of Alyssa focuses on showing her as a good sisterwife to Baelon and mother to Viserys and Daemon. That's what maester Gyldayn and Jaehaerys' propaganda want the readers to think about Alyssa while at the same time telling them that she was the most unfeminine woman she could be. That creates a powerful dissonance while reading about her as compared to others.

This post will be an analysis of Alyssa, her role in the family built on incest and how it affected her and her siblings, her relationships with focus on Baelon and Vaegon, her behaviour and causes of it, her effect on her siblings before and after her death. There will be some extrapolation and theorizing, but I hope it's within reason and will make a coherent argument that Alyssa wasn't like what Gyldayn presents her or what many fans think she was. So buckle up, this will be a long one.

Alyssa's role in the family

Alyssa is the second daughter, but she was born after Daenerys died (in the end of the same year, 60 AC), so functionally she's the eldest daughter, but the shadow of Daenerys hangs over her. Alyssa was her replacement in her mother's eyes until Alysanne realized when Alyssa was 6 years old that she didn't take after Daenerys, but Baelon. From a young age Alyssa preferred boy activities and didn't want to spend time with other girls.

The princess did not act like a girl, however. She wore boy’s clothes when she could, shunned the company of other girls, preferred riding and climbing and dueling with wooden swords to sewing and reading and singing, and refused to eat porridge.

One fundamental, glaring difference between young Daenerys and Alyssa was exactly the type of sibling dynamic they had with Aemon and Baelon. Daenerys was their older sister, a little queen and she was bossing them around.

The young princes loved their sister to distraction, it was plain to see, and Daenerys delighted in the boys, “especially in telling them what to do.” 

Alyssa was the younger sister who was seeking her big brother's attention. She trailed after Baelon and, as it turns out later, she never really stopped.

Just as Baelon had once followed Aemon everywhere, Alyssa trailed after Baelon. “Like a puppy,” the Spring Prince complained. Baelon was two years younger than Aemon, Alyssa nearly four years younger than him…“and a girl,” which made it far worse in his eyes. 

At this point in their lives she was just an annoying younger sister to Baelon.

Daenerys was a leader of her brothers, Alyssa - their follower. Even in the role of the older sister Alyssa was nothing like Daenerys. She wasn't a leader to her own younger siblings, instead she spurned them and stayed distant from them. It's also mentioned 3 times in the book that Daenerys told her pregnant mother that she wanted a younger sister. Alyssa reacted in an opposite way to Deanerys - she didn't want anything to do with her younger sister Maegelle and refused her company.

A gentle, selfless, and sweet-natured girl, and exceedingly bright, she soon attached herself to her sister Alyssa in much the same way that Prince Baelon had attached himself to Prince Aemon, though not entirely as happily. Now it was Alyssa’s turn to bristle at having “the baby” clinging to her skirts. She evaded her as best she could, and Baelon laughed at her fury.

Alyssa's shunning of other girls and having interest in boys' activities sets her apart from her sister. Maybe it was a result of young Alyssa wanting to be different in her mother's eyes than the dead sister she never knew. Probably she just wanted to spend time playing with her brothers so she emulated them. Also, she could have noticed their close bond to their father and tried to earn his love and approval by being like them. It is noticeable that, after losing Daenerys, Jaehaerys was less involved with raising his new children.

On the surface level, it's assumed that Alyssa is just another Arya-type, but I think she has a lot more in common with Cersei in her characteristics and relationships, even though her physical description (mismatched eyes - violet and green, crooked nose after an injury) is reminiscent of Tyrion. Perhaps Alyssa's description is meant to highlight that she's Lannister-coded.

Does the parallel between Alyssa and Cersei foreshadow a similar contrast between Cersei and Daenerys Stormborn in the future books? Perhaps Daenerys will be bossing around both Jaime and Tyrion like her namesake did with Aemon and Baelon.

Alysanne and Jaehaerys announced the betrothals of their older children in 68 AC. That's when it was decided that Alyssa will not take Daenerys' place as Aemon's wife. Instead, Alysanne planned to recreate her own relationship with Jaehaerys by deciding to marry their second son to second/eldest living daughter.

“Alyssa is for Baelon,” she declared. “She has been following him around since she could walk. They are as close as you and I were at their age.”

So a 7 year old Alyssa is told by her mother that she will marry Baelon, her favourite brother, that she's meant for him. That sounds similar to Cersei's belief how she was one with Jaime, that they belonged to each other. Cersei also switched with Jaime, pretending to be him to go to swordplay lessons. Only difference is that Alyssa was encouraged to pursue a romantic relationship with her brother, while Cersei was separated from Jaime and had to keep the affair secret. Alyssa was raised to be her brother's sisterwife and giving him children was the only expectation placed on her by her parents.

The Vaegon Incident

Another similarity between Alyssa and Cersei is that they tormented their little brothers. When I read about the incident with Alyssa pouring wine on Vaegon, I thought it was rather mean and too much. He only said something insensitive to Daella. But one incident of Alyssa being mean can be excused because she defended their younger sister. On the other hand, when she tomented him again, I had to take notice:

One day, mayhaps in an attempt to spur Vaegon into making more of an effort, he brought his sister Alyssa to the yard, shining in man’s mail. The princess had not forgotten the incident of the Arbor gold. Laughing and shouting mockery, she danced around her little brother and humiliated him half a hundred times, whilst Princess Daella looked down from a window. Shamed beyond endurance, Vaegon threw down his sword and ran from the yard, never to return.

Alyssa was 14 and Vaegon was 11. He was training with Baelon for a year at the insistence of their father. The maester claims that Alyssa humiliated Vaegon so badly because of something he'd said a year ago and she'd already punished him for? Either it's true and Alyssa holds grudges like Cersei or... she just hated Vaegon. And I think it wasn't really because of Daella.

Let's rewind to the pouring wine on Vaegon incident.

“I would never marry her,” the boy said, in front of half the court. “She can barely read. She should find some lord in need of stupid children, for that’s the only sort he will ever have of her.” Princess Daella, as might be expected, burst into tears and fled the hall, with her mother, the queen, rushing after her. It fell to her sister Alyssa, at thirteen three years Vaegon’s elder, to pour a flagon of wine over his head. Even that did not make the prince repent. “You are wasting Arbor gold,” was all he said before stalking from the hall to change his clothing.

Notice that Alyssa pours wine on him, but she doesn't say anything like "this is for Daella" or "how could you say that to her". It's only maester Gyldayn's conjecture that she was defending her sister (in his efforts to paint Alyssa as the good one among her sisters and completely unlike the simple-minded, promiscous or vain and ambitious ones). Alyssa and Daella weren't close, Alyssa had no interest in hanging out with her sisters and Daella was scared of her.

Her sister Maegelle became her guiding star, and she worshipped her mother, the queen, but her sister Alyssa seemed to terrify her.

To further prove that the close sibling bond between Alyssa and Daella just didn't exist and was entirely imagined by Gyldayn, let's move on to later years. Daella died in childbirth in 82 AC, I wonder what was Alyssa's take on that if she was such a sister protector and she had her own dragon? Rhaena flew on Dreamfyre and threatened Rogar when her mother, Alyssa Velaryon, died in childbirth and that woman robbed her of the crown. There was a huge rift between Rhaena and her mother for many years and she still came to her mother's deathbed and was deeply affected by her loss. I don't hear anything about Alyssa taking Meleys to the Vale to avenge Daella. Most probably she didn't care that much about Daella. Notice how we never hear anything about her ever interacting with her sisters except that she didn't like Maegelle trailing after her when they were little. Even the so-called defense of Daella happens without Daella being present. Was it really about her at all or was Alyssa just dunking on Vaegon because she had a good pretext? I think the answer is obvious.

If defending Daella wasn't the motivation for the first Vaegon incident then what could have caused Alyssa to lash out at him?

I think it was because Vaegon rebelled against the sibling marriage that was forced on him by their parents.

“Be sweet to your little sister,” King Jaehaerys told the prince when he was five. “One day she will be your Alysanne.”

So Vaegon was told that he's meant for Daella, just like Alyssa is meant for Baelon, but unlike Alyssa, he protested the match and he made sure that everyone knew about it. Gyldayn did say that Vaegon was no coward. It was certainly brave of the boy to defy their parents' will in a public setting. Alyssa never did anything like that. To be fair, Gyldayn never mentioned what was Alyssa's reaction to her betrothal to Baelon. As a child, she might not have understood what it really meant and just agreed. He was her favourite brother after all. In Vaegon's case things were different as he and Daella disliked each other. On Baelon's side of things, he was too dutiful to Alysanne to refuse the match.

At the time of the first Vaegon incident Alyssa is 13, she's older and she understands more about what marriage to Baelon means for her. Maybe she wishes she protested it when she had a chance and now it's too late and she's jealous that Vaegon got to refuse Daella. Maybe she's already so indoctrinated into believing sibling incest is their destiny as Targaryens that she wants to "correct" Vaegon for rebelling against their entire system of belief. What's worse, he wasn't punished for his defiance and forced to marry Daella anyway, but instead he got his way. Alysanne listened to him and convinced Jaehaerys to search for a different, unrelated bride for Vaegon. And Alyssa probably knew that Alysanne was never going to call off the marriage to Baelon.

What's interesting is that first Vaegon incident happens same year that Baelon is knighted, receives Dark Sister and claims Vhagar. Baelon gets the holy insignia and is the new Visenya of his generation. Baelon, not Alyssa, the tomboy who likes swordfighting, who is a Targaryen, a future sisterwife raised on the story of the Conquest. Even if it's not outright said in the text, Alyssa probably idolizes Visenya (like Arya did) and wants to be like her. Aemon will be a king like Aegon, Baelon took the spot of Visenya and all Alyssa has left is to be their Rhaenys and become a mother (also she will like sex in a marriage of love with her brother and die early like Rhaenys). And in fact, her son Viserys became the next king and was similar to Aenys. I wonder if Baelon's knighting happens before or after the first Vaegon incident. In any case, Baelon just took tomboy Alyssa's dream away from her and it will affect her future actions. He's not even a girl and he gets to be Visenya. Just how frustrated and angry Alyssa must be? And who she's going to take it out on? Maybe the younger brother she hates and can bully without any consequences?

After the first incident Vaegon was forced to train with Baelon and spend time with him for a year, but the yard incident was the first time Alyssa was included despite how much she loved training swordplay in her younger days. I'm going to assume that at 13-14 and knowing she'll marry at 15, Alyssa wasn't allowed to train anymore (or her time in the yard was greatly reduced) and instead she was forced into princess/wife lessons, learning to do things she always despised doing (like Cersei). So she sees Vaegon, getting to spend time with Baelon, her favourite brother (is he still her favourite at this point? well, she has no one else she's close to), doing things she likes doing and having absolutely miserable time of it. Alyssa must have been pissed - Vaegon gets to live her dream life at the moment and he dares to complain, he dares to dislike it. She'd kill to be in his position. She's just boiling with anger and envy. If only she was the third son, she wouldn't be forced to play her brother's perfect little bride. She could be just one of the boys and their relationship would remain as it was, uncomplicated. Maybe if she beats Vaegon, it would show everyone that she's better than him, better at being a son. Maybe her parents would realize it and something would finally change.

And of course nothing changed and she was cruel to her little brother for nothing. That's why I called the parallel to Arya rather surface, she never did anything like that to Bran or Rickon, while Cersei's hatred of Tyrion is well-documented. Also, both Vaegon and Tyrion are the bookish younger brothers with no real interest or ability to be warriors. No one defends them from their sisters, not even their parents.

Baelon completes the reenactment of the Lannister sibling dynamic because just like Jaime, he is complicit in the humiliation and traumatizing of his little brother (Vaegon - yard incident, Tyrion - Tysha incident). He brought in Alyssa, he made it happen. I wonder if Jaehaerys told him to do it, like Tywin did with Jaime. It would certainly make sense as Jaehaerys wanted Vaegon to toughen up, so using Alyssa to "motivate" him (train harder, a boy can't be beaten by a girl) could have been his idea all along.

It seems that Alyssa is the answer to the question "what-if Cersei was a Targaryen". And we know Cersei is not a good person at all. There's no evidence in text that Alyssa was a good person beyond her role as Baelon's wife. On the contrary, her treatment of Vaegon, furious rejection of Maegelle's company and non-existent relationship with Daella, who was scared of Alyssa, all prove that she wasn't a good sister to her younger siblings.

The parallels between Alyssa and Cersei are apparent. Even their two sons have some similar characteristics. Viserys and Tommen are seen as weak and soft, Daemon and Joffrey are bloodthirsty and violent.

The parallel of Alyssa to Rhaenys works as well with her son Viserys who is a weak king like Aenys and has warrior, ambitious younger brother Daemon, who was even called "second Maegor" by his contemporaries.

Marriage and dragonriding

After marriage Alyssa claims a dragon, Meleys (name starting with M like Meraxes, Rhaenys' dragon) but at first she wanted to claim Balerion, however the dragonkeepers talked her out of it.

Like her brothers before her, Alyssa Targaryen meant to be a dragonrider, and sooner rather than later. Aemon had flown at seventeen, Baelon at sixteen. Alyssa meant to do it at fifteen. 

Again, Alyssa trailing after her brothers, trying to outdo them.

Meleys was as swift a dragon as Westeros had ever seen, easily outpacing Caraxes and Vhagar when she and her brothers flew together.

That really all sounds like a competition that Alyssa is constantly participating in against her brothers, but it's all in her head. She didn't claim the bigger dragon, so she took the faster one. Even her exaggerated bragging about sex sounds like she's trying to be manlier than Baelon.

Speaking of the real competition, Alyssa wasn't a participant, but she was a vital part of it. The competition from the start was between Baelon and Aemon. Baelon was always following his older brother. He started to learn swordfighting early to catch up, had public duels with him, got knighted and claimed Vhagar - a bigger and stronger dragon than Aemon's Caraxes - at 16, so he did it at an earlier age than Aemon did (he was 17). He wanted to outdo his elder brother and marrying Alyssa was a part of that competition. Baelon gets a dragonriding sisterwife, the eldest of their sisters, the one that Jaehaerys intended for Aemon the heir. Aemon marries only their aunt with a small amount of Targaryen blood and without the Valyrian look, who will never claim a dragon. So all around, for Baelon the marriage to Alyssa is a big win over his brother. He's more like their father King than Aemon is, he's more worthy of his love (being the heir).

Young Alyssa saw how close Baelon and Aemon were - it seems natural that she wanted to be included in their competition. But the brother she focused more on was Baelon, not necessarily Aemon (though outdoing Baelon is almost guaranteed to be the same as outdoing Aemon as well). She was trailing after Baelon, she wanted to be as close to him as Aemon, have that sibling bond. Her idea to claim Balerion, the only dragon bigger than Baelon's Vhagar, not to mention the Conqueror's dragon, would have allowed her to outdo both of her brothers. Choosing Meleys, a red dragon just like Aemon's Caraxes, but faster than both of their dragons, puts her on at least equal footing with Aemon, and as a superior to both of them in terms of speed. In the air, they aren't better than she is.

Aemon marries Jocelyn when he's 15 and she's 16, while Baelon is 13 and Alyssa is 9. Alyssa marries Baelon when she's 15 and he's 18. Looks like the wedding was rushed a year because the other princesses married at 16. The reason might be that after Rhaenys was born Jocelyn became unable to give birth again so the king and queen wanted Baelon and Alyssa to quickly make a future husband for Rhaenys. Or Jaehaerys already decided to pass over Rhaenys in succession and saw Baelon as Aemon's heir, therefore Baelon needed a male heir too. Or it was all still part of the brotherly competition of who has a son first.

It's also interesting that Alyssa didn't get pregnant right after the wedding despite the reported frequent sexlife of the couple. She gave birth to Viserys in 77 AC, when she was 17, so she waited around a year before getting pregnant. Daemon was born in 81 AC and Aegon in 84 AC. There was some family planning involved with these mostly even rest periods between pregnancies. For example, Rhaenyra had her second son after a year and the third son was born after 2 years. It's most likely that Alyssa was drinking moon tea, while Baelon was enthusiastic to have sons (and get a win over Aemon). All I'm saying is that this marriage wasn't just pure passion on her side. Alyssa agreed to give children to Baelon, but she controlled when it happened (unlike her mother who was forced to birth Valerion in 77 AC, same year as Viserys, then Gael in 80 AC). That's another similarity with Cersei, who admitted to controlling her own procreation, whose children she had, how many and when.

I think Alyssa wanted to have the time in between pregnancies to pursue her hobbies. Within fortnight after birthing her sons she takes them flying on her dragon and it's not because she wants to give them legendary beginnings - it's probably because she wasn't allowed to fly for months during the pregnancy and she was just impatient to do it again.

Despite claiming a dragon, Alyssa was still excluded. She wasn't allowed to help her brothers and father during the 4th Dornish War. They would never risk her dying like queen Rhaenys in Dorne. Alyssa never used her dragon or sword skills for anything (except humiliating Vaegon). When she tells Baelon that he's made for battles and she for birthing his children, I wonder if it was how she really felt inside? Was she just resigned to her fate at that point? That no matter how much she tried, she will never be a son to Jaehaerys or an equal partner to Baelon and Aemon. She will never be Visenya.

We know that if Cersei or Arya had a dragon, they'd go apeshit with power and go off burning their enemies. And you tell me Alyssa never had a thought to fly to Oldtown and burn the Citadel as the last "fuck you" to Vaegon? Never wanted to burn the Dornish ships alongside her brothers? Never dreamed to go exploring the world? Maybe she was satisfied with Baelon and he kept her home like an anchor. She wouldn't fly off without him. Maybe he and Vhagar ensured she stayed put in King's Landing. Alyssa fully accepted her role as the mother of Baelon's sons. She bent the rules of conforming to her gender, but she couldn't truly break them or she would have lost her privileges.

The truth of Alyssa's character is that in the end she always followed the rules set by her parents. In that way she was a dutiful daughter.

Sex and dragonriding

Sex and dragonriding were Alyssa's favorite activities and she spent hours on both. In her own words she likens them to each other. She says she mounted and rode Baelon and after claiming Meleys she compares herself to her dragon saying that they were both mounted and so lost their virginity.

“Red maidens, the two of us,” the princess boasted, laughing, “but now we’ve both been mounted.”

There's no mention if adult Alyssa still continued sparring, climbing and other masculine activities she preferred in her youth, but most likely she had to give them up in order not to risk any miscarriage. Instead she spent her time on sex and dragonriding - both physical activities that she was allowed and expected to perform. But the way she did them so much, so excessively is rather odd and has implications on her state of mind.

The princess was seldom long away from the Dragonpit after that day. Flying was the second sweetest thing in the world, she would oft say, and the very sweetest thing could not be mentioned in the company of ladies. 

Except she did mention it when she announced that she rode Baelon and was going to do it again.

It seems that Alyssa replaced sparring in the yard with another activity she was doing exclusively with Baelon - having sex with him. Moreover, she puts emphasis on riding him, being on top. It suggests that she was still trying to outdo him. It was definitely a way for her to take control of some aspect of her life and their relationship.

Some readers dismiss passages about Alyssa's sexlife as just Gyldayn being gross and perverted. Her sexual behavior is brushed off as unimportant despite how uncommon and even unique her actions were. I can't think of any other female character in ASOIAF acting this way (let me know if there was one), even among the ones who liked sex.

The bride was fifteen, the groom eighteen. Unlike their father and mother, Baelon and Alyssa did not wait to consummate their union; the bedding that followed their wedding feast was the source of much ribald humor in the days that followed, for the young bride’s sounds of pleasure could be heard all the way to Duskendale, men said. A shyer maid might have been abashed by that, but Alyssa Targaryen was as bawdy a wench as any barmaid in King’s Landing, as she herself was fond of boasting. “I mounted him and took him for a ride,” she declared the morning after the bedding, “and I mean to do the same tonight. I love to ride.”

Alyssa is a 15 year old child bride who was so loud during her first time having sex that everyone in the castle heard it and talked about it, then she told them all her favorite sex position. And she was boasting about it. That is not a normal behavior of a girl that just lost her virginity. Gyldayn is weird not because he reported her abnormal actions and words, but because he tries to make them sound like a good thing and not something actually concerning. Just because she's so eager to have sex with her husband, it's all good and fun. And even then, she's compared to a bawdy barmaid (I'm not exactly sure from this wording if Alyssa is boasting that she's bawdy like a barmaid or Gyldayn compares her to a bawdy barmaid because she was fond of boasting about her sexlife). Gyldayn treats this story like a humorous anecdote.

Even if Alyssa was just a horny teenager, why was she so shamelessly discussing her wedding night in public? The reasons I could think of are:

An attempt to act more like a man than a woman by boasting of a sexual "conquest" (another question is if she even knew how women act, she wasn't close to any, but I'm going to assume she knew normal conduct and chose to act differently on purpose).

To say: "I was on top, so I'm the real boss in this marriage".

To embarrass and shame the gossiping courtiers (maybe? But then she kept having loud sex so maybe not).

As a passive-aggressive form of rebellion against her parents - "you can make me marry, but I'm going to act in a way that's as scandalous and embarrassing to you as possible while technically obeying the rules and doing what I'm supposed to do".

Because she feels so euphoric after the sex and she has a poor impulse control, so she's oversharing.

Because being shameless and bawdy is a part of her personality now.

Alyssa's unusual sexual behaviour is dismissed as her just being a horny teenager or having high sex drive or being so in love with Baelon or all of the above. The fact is that Alyssa's sexual habits didn't change until she died at 24 after complications from childbirth.

Alyssa's promiscuous behavior could be caused by her still emulating Baelon and following his lead like in her childhood. When they married he was 18, older and more knowledgeable. Baelon was a lusty lad, so she became bawdy like a barmaid to match him.

I think it can be argued that Alyssa exhibits signs of sex addiction.

Prince Baelon had not ceased smiling since his marriage. When not aloft, Baelon and Alyssa spent every hour together, most oft in their bedchamber. Prince Baelon was a lusty lad, for those same shrieks of pleasure that had echoed through the halls of the Red Keep on the night of their bedding were heard many another night in the years that followed. 

One thing is being newlyweds, the other is spending many hours having sex and making it a habit for 9 years of marriage. From the sound of it Alyssa's life revolved around dragonriding and sex, excluding any other activities and company of other people. It seems extremely unhealthy. Spending this much time and focus on sex sounds like she's addicted.

Against all advice, his mother clapped the boy in swaddling clothes, strapped him to her chest, and took him aloft on Meleys when he was nine days old. 

Unnecessary risky behaviour resulting in child endagerment? Check. That's what an addict would do. Their inhibitions and impulse control are often lowered.

Another sign of sexual addiction is "engaging in sexual behaviors that go against your personal values, religious beliefs or what society deems appropriate". Alyssa's loud sex and boasting about it definitely aren't what Westerosi society deems appropriate.

Next sign of sex addiction is engaging in paraphilia, like exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadomasochism. Alyssa's behavior is almost exhibitionistic. She's definitely skirting an edge here. She doesn't expose her sexlife to other people's eyes, but to their ears.

“They call me Baelon the Brave,” the prince told his wife at her bedside, “but you are far braver than me. I would sooner fight a dozen battles than do what you’ve just done.” Alyssa laughed at him. “You were made for battles, and I was made for this. Viserys and Daemon and Aegon, that’s three. As soon as I am well, let’s make another. I want to give you twenty sons. An army of your own!”

This quote says a lot. Baelon praised her for being so brave, because childbirth is dangerous and women died because of it - their grandmother Alyssa Velaryon, their sister Daella just died recently, their mother had difficult births with Valerion and Gael. Alyssa just laughs it off, dismisses his worry. She doesn't see the danger. Well, she survived it 3 times, so she's different than other women (she's not as she later doesn't recover and dies at 24). She wants to get back to it ASAP - or rather to the babymaking. That's a risky behavior that disregards her health in pursuit of what she's addicted to. She wants to get her fix.

All of this put together paints Alyssa as at least sex obssessed if not sex addicted, especially the amount of time she dedicates to it and her risktaking, reckless attitude, against justified worries of Baelon or maesters advice. Gyldayn could be exaggerating. Or he's just saying it how it was but makes it into a humorous, romantic tale. Of brother and sister that do nothing but fly on dragons and have sex. That's their entire marriage life. But the focus put on it really makes it look unusual. Jaehaerys and Alysanne had 13 children, but there are no "heartwarming" tales about how much time they spent in the bedroom.

Alyssa expressed a belief that she was made for giving birth, for procreation. She accepts her assigned role in life and finds as much enjoyment as she could in fulfilling it. There's nothing else. She was raised to do only this and the indoctrination worked too well. Alysanne wanted the couple to be like her own marriage and Alyssa emulates her by planning to have a bunch of kids, even though Alysanne was so much more to Jaehaerys - advisor, diplomat, lawmaker. Baelon even told Aemon that he leaves making law to him, because he prefers to make sons.

“I will leave the making of law to you, brother,” Prince Baelon declared, whilst drinking to Prince Aemon’s appointment. “I would sooner make sons.”

Apart from her environment and fulfilling expectations what could be the other causes of Alyssa's sexual behavior? It could be related to many mental health problems and we know Targaryens as a family have a predisposition to them. If she's addicted, it could be a response to personal trouble. A tomboy is forced to be a traditional wife, giving up her dreams. It could be a coping mechanism if she was feeling depression. Sex raises mood like alcohol. An addict wants to forget his troubles and just feel good. Alyssa's younger sisters, Saera and Viserra, also showed signs of addiction, both getting drunk when they were young teenagers. Saera at 12, Viserra at 15.

Alysanne was pregnant with Valerion and Gael around the time of both of Alyssa's pregnancies. I wonder what does it do to a pregnant woman to watch her mother be forced into risky pregnancies, having difficult labour and recovering for half a year after that? Did she feel like she was seeing her own future? That this will be her in 20 years? But it's too depressing to think about, so she had to ignore, repress, deny it. She was different, younger, stronger, she was in control of her body, Baelon wouldn't do that to her. This is her battle and she was made for this, she's a warrior. Her mother survived it 13 times, so Alyssa will too. Better stop thinking about it and go have sex or fly on a dragon.

Alyssa having depression may seem like a leap but as I said - she has a good reason. She's a tomboy turned housewife at 15. What are her real feelings on the marriage? Gyldayn never provides anything substantial. He says outright that "Prince Baelon had not ceased smiling since his marriage" and links it with all the sex he was having. Why didn't he say instead "Baelon and Alyssa were smiling", just Baelon? What about Alyssa? She's constantly dragonriding or having sex. Both of those activities are keeping her way from all other people except Baelon. It looks like she's isolating herself. When she interacts with others, she's bawdy and boasting about her sexlife (after wedding night, after claiming Meleys) or reaffirms her role in life as a childbearer (to Baelon and in front of the maesters after she gave birth to Aegon).

Alyssa's solitary activities after marriage and over the top enthusiasm for sex may be covering up her feelings of dissatisfaction with her life. Look at the similarity to her son Daemon, he had a reputation for his abundant sexlife and patronage of brothels when he was unhappily married to Rhea Royce. He couldn't even hold any position on a Small Council for long and Otto was undermining him and taking the spot as his brother's chief councilor. Daemon had plenty of reasons to be unhappy and dissatisfied with his life and that's when he was behaving promiscuously. Then it all disappeared after Rhea's death and him choosing a new wife for himself. It's likely Alyssa passed the predisposition to sex addiction to her son.

Other character acting similar to Alyssa in the series would be Robert Baratheon - a chief example of a depressed sex addict, but he was masking it by feasting and getting drunk all the time. Alyssa's main parallel, Cersei, became an alcoholic, which is just another type of addiction. Cersei also exhibited risky sexual behavior by having an affair with Jaime, having his children and everything that followed from that (like sex in the Broken Tower, her affair with Lancel).

Taking into account all of the above I'd say it looks like Alyssa developed a sex addiction and any type of addiction signifies deep personal trouble that one tries to forget/cope with.

Gyldayn portrays the marriage as happy, but the only one who was shown as happy was Baelon. Gyldayn sees that Alyssa liked sex, satisfied her husband's sexual needs all the time, accepted her role as a mother and gave birth to sons so he treats it like a successful marriage. But he doesn't care about what Alyssa felt, only Baelon.

Alyssa - the role model for Saera and Viserra

Alyssa resembles Cersei because of her "I'm not like the other girls" attitude. She wants to be in the boys' club with Aemon and Baelon and has nothing in common with her sisters. And she's said to avoid other girls' company. It's all rather strange. In a way she's like Alysanne, who was purposely deprived of female friends in her childhood by her mother, however in Alyssa's case it was a choice.

Despite Alyssa's distance she had a profound effect on both Saera and Viserra as their older sister. She was supposed to be their role model as a Targaryen princess. They were probably constantly compared to her and told that she's a good wife. If they want to be successful, they should be like Alyssa. Unfortunately for the younger girls, Alyssa is in fact a terrible role model.

Saera is the most similar to Alyssa out of all their sisters. This comparison is explicitly stated in the book, as according to her maesters Saera was:

as strong and quick and spirited as her sister Alyssa.

The similarities between the family's problem child and the parentally approved older sister are also in their behaviour, which Saera was probably copying off Alyssa. Saera even wanted to claim Balerion like Alyssa initially did before the dragonkeepers changed her mind. It's also interesting to note that:

Septon Barth tells us that Saera’s sisters all misliked her to various degrees.

That means Alyssa shared the common dislike for Saera despite keeping general distance from all her sisters and the 6 year age gap. What reason Alyssa would have to dislike Saera? I think the most possible reason was that Saera became Jaehaerys' favourite and could get anything she wanted, despite her general mayhem and misbehavior. Meanwhile, Alyssa's efforts to please him, first by being like the boys, then obediently marrying Baelon, didn't get her anything she wanted, apart from a dragon that she wasn't allowed to use for battle or for any other purpose than leisure flying. Jaehaerys was never the same after Saera's escape to Essos but there was no mention of his reaction to Alyssa's death. It's clear that Saera had his affection without trying, but Alyssa didn't, so Alyssa had a good reason to be jealous of Saera and dislike her.

Going in chronological order, the first similarity between Alyssa and Saera was their cruel and humiliating treatment of those who couldn't even defend themselves from them - their own siblings. Alyssa was cruel to her little brother Vaegon and humiliated him so badly that he completely gave up on learning the sword despite keeping up with it for a year, but no one ever mentions her actions as something bad. Vaegon was an unpopular, bookish and unhappy boy that wasn't good at traditional male activities like fighting, so Alyssa could bully him without any repercussions and even with a tacit permission from their father (reminds me of Sam Tarly situation). No wonder he lost confidence, closed off and took the first chance to leave the family that didn't love or protect him. No wonder he only visited when he was summoned and his letters to Alysanne were perfunctory.

Was Saera emulating Alyssa's cruelty? It's very possible. Saera was 6 and 7 years old when the two incidents of Alyssa bullying Vaegon happened. Saera might not have seen them (it's likely she did), but she definitely heard of them and saw how Alyssa was unpunished. It must have emboldened Saera's own cruel streak. Her first childhood victim was Daella who she kept scaring with her pranks (the prank with hiding bees in a chamberpot was definitely dangerous and cruel). Daella was an easy target as she was mentally disabled and delicate. Septon Barth noted Saera's jealousy of the attention Daella was getting from their mother. After Daella left, Saera started playing cruel and humiliating pranks on another mentally disabled person, the court fool Tom Turnip.

It's also worth noting that both Vaegon and Daella were in Jaehaerys' disfavour because they both failed to meet his expectations. Both were avoiding marriage in their own ways, Vaegon lacked martial talent and Daella's mental disability was the proof against the king's Targaryen supremacy propaganda. Jaehaerys was the driving force to send them away from their home, never to return. It seems that Alyssa was used by their father to teach Vaegon a lesson. Saera not only picked up on Jaehaerys' dislike for Daella, but also on his quiet approval of Alyssa's bullying of Vaegon. She knew it was allowed.

The next similarity between sisters was in their hypersexual behaviour. Saera was 8 years old when Alyssa got married and the tale of her wedding night spread. She must have heard some of Alyssa's boasting about sex, saying how much she loved it, or the often occuring loud sex sounds coming from her bedroom. It continued until Alyssa's death when Saera was 16, nearly 17. Saera's formative years were spent influenced by her sister's sex-obssessed example. Alyssa's behaviour was accepted by all, approved by their parents despite how unusual it was. It's no wonder Saera took a cue from her older sister and began her own sexual explorations as a teenager with her group of friends. She even sought out the older and more experienced Braxton Beesbury to be her Baelon substitute.

Like Alyssa, Saera also exhibited signs of sex addiction - risky sexual behavior, sex with multiple partners, sexually humiliating pranks on Tom Turnip (voyeuristic in nature - she wanted to see him naked, to see him having sex). We know she had an addictive personality as she became alcoholic when she was 12 years old.

Saera's scandalous sexual conduct was caught by her parents after Alyssa's death, in the same year. And she even used as one of her justifications that "Baelon used to kiss Alyssa all the time", proving that she took notice of their relationship and how sex-focused it was. She learned from them that a happy, successful marriage is based on having sex all the time. At the same time, the only other example she had was her parents, who were becoming distant from each other and stopped having sex (and their reasons for disagreeing were Daella's death and Jaehaerys forcing 2 risky pregnancies on Alysanne, which endagered her life). Aemon and Jocelyn lived on Dragonstone, so they couldn't serve as a more normal example of a married couple for Saera.

Viserra was also affected by Alyssa's bad example. She witnessed Alyssa's marriage from the age of 4 to 13 years old, so for most of her young life. According to Alysanne:

"She aims much higher, our Viserra. I have seen the way she preens and prances around Baelon. That is the husband she desires, and not for love of him. She wants to be the queen.”

So Alysanne started losing it because she thought that Viserra wanted to be the queen, while Aemon was the heir and married, so marrying Baelon would not make her a queen. Unless she suspected the sly Viserra to have a plan to get rid of Aemon and Rhaenys to get to the throne after marrying Baelon. However, the one who explicitly stated that she wanted to be a queen was Saera, not Viserra. Alysanne was confusing her daughters. Previously she had more accurate insights on her children. Maybe she was spending less time with them and focusing more on young Gael.

Alysanne statement has to be taken with a grain of salt, it's not entirely factual, but rather her opinion on Viserra. She can't allow Alyssa to be replaced in Baelon's heart, as she fashioned their marriage in the image of her own with Jaehaerys. She believes that Baelon and Alyssa are the true love story, so he can never remarry. Her solution to the danger of Viserra replacing Alyssa is to betroth her to the old lord Manderly. That way she'll stay far away from Baelon and Alyssa's memory will be preserved.

Viserra understandably protests the betrothal, but her parents are unyielding, so she decides to seduce Baelon by sneaking into his bed naked and drunk. The thing is, that behaviour wasn't Viserra's usual MO. She was known for playing with boys like puppies, manipulating them to do what she wanted and sending them on foolish quests. She wasn't a seductress. Then why did she take this straightforward approach with Baelon and just jumped into his bed?

“He married one sister, why not another?” Viserra told her closest friend, the empty-headed Beatrice Butterwell. “I am much prettier than Alyssa ever was, you saw her. She had a broken nose.”

This quote proves Viserra's interest in Baelon and also provides a lead to the reason for Viserra's actions. Based on what Viserra saw of Baelon's relationship with Alyssa, she concluded that Baelon only cares about sex and the only way to get his attention is to offer him her body. Viserra doesn't know how to interact with or romance her older brother. Alyssa spent most of her time with him by having sex, so that must be how it's done, right? It sounds like Viserra is unaware if there was anything other than sex between Alyssa and Baelon. She even thinks that he wouldn't care which sister he's having sex with.

It's important to note that Viserra is vain, but she is not stupid. She's described as sly and capable of manipulating people to do what she wants. A skilled manipulator has to be observant and notice things about people. And those are the conclusions she drew about Baelon and Alyssa's marriage which she observed for most of her life - that all he cared about was having sex with his sisterwife, that all a good sisterwife had to do was to be sexually available. It's possible that Viserra didn't understimate Baelon's actual loyalty to dead Alyssa, but only his sense of duty and honour. He didn't take advantage of her, even when she offered, but if his parents ordered him to marry her, he'd probably obey them like he always did.

Alyssa is seen as different and better then her younger sisters despite all the evidence to the contrary. The positive spin on her qualities is like the opposite of the negative spin on her sisters' characters. Basically, she gets special treatment (from both her parents and Gyldayn) because she married Baelon and fulfills the traditional role of wife and mother. On the other hand, when her sisters follow her example or want the same things she had, they are villainized. Saera is called "an evil child" by her septa, then "a whore" by her father and heavily punished, forced to watch her father kill her lover, Viserra is labeled as ambitious and manipulative by her mother.

Maegelle, Alyssa and the incestous family planning

Maegelle seems to most people like the sister that had the least to do with Alyssa, had a good life as a septa and was lucky to escape her sisters' various tragic fates. However, she was heavily impacted as a child by Alyssa and also their parents' plans for both of them.

Alyssa broke the chain of younger siblings trailing after the elder. Baelon followed Aemon, Alyssa followed Baelon, but when Maegelle tried to follow her, Alyssa was completely against it. Probably she just didn't want Maegelle joining the dynamic Alyssa had with their brothers, getting close to them and taking away their affection.

Maegelle joined the Faith of the Seven in 73 AC when she was 10 years old. It can be argued that Alysanne was always going to send one daughter to Oldtown, but did it have to be Maegelle and not Daella, Saera or Viserra at a later date? Maegelle could have married Vaegon or someone else, so why didn't she?

Jaehaerys' idea for arranging marriages was pretty simple, he wanted to pair them up by the order of birth - eldest son to eldest daughter, second son to second daughter and so on. It was Alysanne who had to intervene and tell him who liked who, he had no clue about the relationships between his children. According to Jaehaerys' matchmaking plan, Aemon would have married Alyssa, so logically I assume next would be Baelon and Maegelle, Vaegon and Daella. Alysanne must have seen problems with that, like the age gaps - 6 years between Aemon and Alyssa, 5 years between Baelon and Maegelle. She also made Jocelyn sit next to Aemon during a feast for his investiture as Prince of Dragonstone when he was 7 and saw that the two got along really well. So that is one example of Alysanne's successful matchmaking and arranged well in advance before the betrothals were made.

It's likely that Maegelle's future was sacrificed to appease the Faith so they wouldn't oppose another full sibling marriage - between Alyssa and Baelon. And that's why when the betrothals were made in 68 AC, Jaehaerys told Vaegon that he will marry Daella, not Maegelle who was older.

I wonder if Maegelle became pious because she was being prepared for her life as a septa or it had something to do with Alyssa rejecting her company. Maybe the religion provided Maegelle with some comfort and friendship. Maybe she didn't want to marry her brother or anyone at all and becoming a septa allowed her to avoid that fate. The opposite was also possible, what if Maegelle only wanted to please and imitate Alysanne, who was pious herself, but she didn't actually want to become a septa? Maybe she became pious because she was praying for something specific, had some wish? The point is we will never know what Maegelle wanted to do with her life as she was never asked and the choice was taken from her before she was grown enough to make it. And the same thing happened sooner or later to all the other siblings. In any case, Alysanne removed Maegelle from the marriage plans so that Alyssa could marry Baelon.

Was it fair to Maegelle to decide her whole life for her when she was so young? Was it fair to do the same to Alyssa or any of their other siblings? The moral of the story of all the children of Jaehaerys and Alysanne is simple - that parents controlling their children's future and deciding their whole lives and careers when they are 5-10 years old is unfair, awful and often has tragic consequences. Maegelle is as much of a victim here, she was said to be bright and studious as a child, she had intelligence and potential for greatness that was squandered by sending her to be a septa. Funny that Alysanne didn't notice that Maegelle, not Alyssa, was the most like her out of all her daughters. Maegelle with her gentleness, caring for the weak like Daella, charitableness could have been the next Good Queen.

Maegelle is regarded as the only sister that got away from tragedies of her siblings. But she was made to join a religious order as a child. She never had a choice or an opportunity to be anything different. When she died, nursing patients with greyscale, she was only 34 years old. She didn't even reach middle age. She lived only 10 years longer than Alyssa. Ironically, Saera could have outlived them all, as the last time she was mentioned, she was alive at age 34 during the Great Council of 101 AC.

Alyssa despite being portrayed as accepting of her duty and even enthusiastic about having more children, isn't the happy exception, the successful daughter. She has to give up on any of her previous dreams and aspirations, she has power - a dragon, that she's not allowed to use in battle as equal with her brothers. Despite having the role of Rhaenys she can't fight alongside her brothers, she has to stay behind and be protected by them. She's reduced to being just a wife and mother and it seems to me that her enthusiasm about sex is at best her simply finding pleasure and control in what little she's allowed to have and do. She makes the best of what she has because what else she can do? It can be even argued that she showed signs of sex addiction and was hiding her dissatisfaction and depression. She dies at 24 from complications after childbirth.

Both Alyssa and Maegelle were obedient daughters who spent their lives fulfilling their parents' expectations, following the paths they didn't choose, and died as a result without even reaching middle age. They are both tragic, but their parents, Gyldayn - and through them the book readers - don't realize it.

After Alyssa's death

After Alyssa's death her shadow is cast over her younger sisters. Saera and Viserra are condemned for pursuing what was once granted to Alyssa. They can't have a brother, a lover or a dragon. They aren't allowed to fill her shoes. Alysanne projects herself on Alyssa and won't let a younger and prettier queen take her place. You know she just hates the idea of Jaehaerys marrying a new woman after she's gone, because it would disprove their eternal love, so Baelon has to be forever Alyssa's.

Alyssa isn't just a distant elder sister and bad role model for her younger sisters (who get punished for acting like she did - that's a big parenting failure of Jaehaerys and Alysanne). Her ghost deeply affects Baelon who isn't allowed to stop mourning her for the rest of his life. It's written like a proof of their great love that he couldn't move on, but what if he eventually wanted to? Baelon couldn't find happiness again after Alyssa because that would disappoint Alysanne and he was too dutiful to her. So he was stuck in this loyalty to a dead wife for 16 years (85 AC to 101 AC).

Though shattered by his loss, Baelon took solace in the two strong sons that she had left him, Viserys and Daemon, and never ceased to honor the memory of his sweet lady with the broken nose and mismatched eyes.

I find it interesting that only Baelon's reaction to her death was mentioned. Compared to the other siblings dying, usually we are told Alysanne's and/or Jaehaerys' reaction. They probably mourned her, but didn't see her death at 24 due to complications after childbirth as overly tragic. They probably thought that these things happen and there was nothing they could do. They don't realize that expecting Alyssa to keep having more children was what killed her. She had two sons, but to carry on the family tradition of sibling marriages, they needed her to have a daughter. Baelon wanted a girl, a sisterwife for his son, to continue the cycle in the next generation.

Gyldayn's description of Baelon's reaction to Alyssa's death seems overly sugary. He's trying to make their relationship look as romantic as possible, but calling her "sweet lady with the broken nose and mismatched eyes" ruins the effect. In what way Alyssa was ever sweet to anyone? Calling attention to her broken nose and mismatched eyes is rather weird, as they are physical imperfections. It's causing the whiplash, a dissonance between what was told and shown. How much of this statement by Gyldayn is even true?

Conclusions

Alyssa Targaryen is a complex character beyond being a wife and mother. She's distant from most of her siblings but has a significant influence and impact on their lives. The only one she's close to is Baelon and she tries to compete with him and Aemon. She bullied Vaegon, furiously rejected Maegelle, scared Daella and set a bad example of sexual behavior to Saera and Viserra. What's more, Alyssa's character isn't good or nice or even responsible. She's cruel, bawdy and competitive, avoids company of other girls and her sisters, because she thinks she's different (better) than them. She dismisses the danger of childbirth and unnecessarily risks her newborn sons when she takes them dragonriding.

Alyssa is deeply indoctrinated by her parents to believe in Targaryen supremacy ideology and accepts her role as a sisterwife and childbearer. She follows the rules set by them and is rewarded and praised for it. Despite that, she's likely depressed and coping by having sex or dragonriding. She exhibits signs of having a sex addiction, which is likely because her younger sisters and son Daemon also had addictive personalities. Her marriage life consists of having sex for most of the time and only her husband is mentioned to be happy with it. She's not allowed to express and pursue her own goals and the cases of her bullying Vaegon seem to be her lashing out because he rebelled against his parents' plans for his future.

Many existing similaries prove that the Alyssa is the answer to the question: "what if Cersei was a Targaryen?" She also resembles queen Rhaenys in her dynamic with her older brothers.

Alyssa's death isn't seen as tragic, despite her dying at 24 after giving birth to a third son they didn't need. She died young and for unnecessary reason. Her death was in vain as the child didn't live through infancy. The only one who was said to be mourning her was Baelon, who became a martyr of their great, lost love, and a sad widower for the rest of his life to appease Alysanne, who saw his marriage to Alyssa as a mirror to her own marriage with Jaehaerys.

Alyssa is not the one good, unproblematic daughter that Jaehaerys and Alysanne raised. Their bad parenting affected her as well as every single one of her siblings, even Maegelle, whose future was sacrificed so that Alyssa and Baelon could marry.

Jaehaerys and Alysanne weren't good parents to any of their children, including Alyssa. They decided their children's future paths when they were still too young and didn't finish growing, and then expected them to follow those plans. In result, most of the siblings died, either due to obeying their parent's will (Daenerys, Aemon, Alyssa, Maegelle, Daella) or rebelling against it (Viserra, Gael). The 3 remaining ones (Baelon, Vaegon, Saera) didn't die, but endured much suffering and hardship in their lives as an effect of their parents' control over them.

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I worked on this for a week, so I hope it's interesting and at least provides some food for thought. I'm open to questions and more discussion, so you can send asks. I might write more analysis on Jaehaerys and Alysanne's bad parenting method and maybe some other topics related to their reign.

[peachyloveswriting]

Hi can u do a Jealous Kyle?(THXS)

"Yeah. But you're mine." --- (Kyle Brovloski)

SUMMARY: Eric has always had the feels for you but it's really starting to get to Kyle.

WARNING: Slight smut, just making out that's it. Nothing too serious, recording. :).

NOTES: I've written in first person before and I do like it better than second person idk if it's gonna stick just lmk what you think.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

The lunch table around me is loud, I can barely hear any coherent conversations other than my own. I find myself shouting over the table, bickering with Eric. He glares at me smugly, a glassy film over his eyes. Usually it's Kyle who yells at him but I find that the space beside me has gone silent.

"Just shut up fatass!" I snap.

He snickers at me. "Only for you."

I cringe and shake my head, adverting my gaze to the untouched plate in front of me. It's likely cold by now from being so enthralled in my argument but it's much more appealing than looking at Eric's face. I'd rather look at death in the eyes than listen to Eric make such comments about me to my face. Eric has always flirted with me though, but I've never been interested in him. It's been happening everyday since fourth grade and occasionally I stop to think; If I just said me and Kyle were dating he might stop but for the sake of my privacy, I say nothing. At the start of our relationship, we agreed to not tell anyone so we could keep it to ourselves. I was and still am perfectly fine with that, until Eric started flirting with me again.

"I'm going to go roll me one, y'all coming with me?" Kenny pipes up from the end of the table.

Kyle's hand grips mine as he stands to his feet, turning everyone's attention to us. "I'm coming." He announces. After being quiet this whole time, I feel surprised to see him suddenly jumping to volunteer for skipping class. That's not much like Kyle at all.

When we snuck out the back with our stuff, there were five of us, Kyle, Kenny, Stan, Craig, and I. Sneaking out was almost a hassle but we all managed to get away unscathed, leaving the rest of our friends behind. Now that I'm further away from school, I can collect my thoughts. Kyle never wants to openly skip like that, especially not to smoke weed.

"You sure you wanna smoke with us?" Kenny asks, looking at Kyle with curiosity. Looking over at Kenny, he shakes his head. With my hand in his, he lightly tugs me closer to his side.

"I just wanted to get out." Kyle admits sheepishly before looking ahead.

I watch Kenny's eyes widen, exchanging glances with Stan in surprise. I was honestly thinking the same thing, Kyle hasn't smoked a blunt a single day of his life and he suddenly went to smoke with Kenny. Now I know that's not actually true but that he wanted out and that never happens. Something about this whole thing is off, from openly holding hands to skipping school. It's just not like Kyle.

"If you don't mind I'm going to my car." Kyle points back towards the student parking with his thumb. Everyone bids us goodbye and he begins to pull me towards his parking spot. The silence between us feels thick on the walk over, his grip on my hand is tight. So tight that my palms are beginning to sweat. I look up at Kyle, his face is contorted into disgust and discomfort, in his eyes dances a quiet anger. One that I know is settled in his belly. I don't say anything until we reach the car, close our doors and settle in. At first I'm honestly unsure of what to say, he doesn't seem sad, but he seemed disappointed and angry. Like he's confused on what to feel and it confuses me.

"Hey." Kyle is looking out the back windshield, his arm spread to the back of my seat for leverage while he backs out. He's not looking at me. I wait until he's at a stop at the exit to grab his attention back. "Kyle, I need you to pull over up here." Kyle wat he's where I'm pointing. Though he's looking with furrowed brows and wandering eyes, he does what I ask and pulls over onto the aide of the road. His gaze meets mine, he's questioning me silently, confused by what I'm doing. I know he wants answers but I take a second to put the car in Park for him.

"Why?" He finally asks stiffly. I look back up, meeting his gaze. His eyes are searching mine for any clues. Softly taking his hand into mine and intertwining our fingers, I frown at him. There's just something he's not telling me, it's been happening for a while now. I just didn't know how to address it.

"Is something wrong?"

His face scrunches up. "What? No, Why- I'm good." Fumbling his words, Kyle shuts his lips. His gaze starts to shift away from mine, looking out the windows at other things. He's biting his lower lip, rolling it between his teeth before repeating it again. I squeeze his hand, pulling his attention back to me.

"Baby, you're not acting right. Is something wrong? Be honest."

He stares at me with contemplation falling over his looks, he's looking from my eyes, to my lips, to my hands, and finally back at my eyes. "Kinda." He says, lowering his gaze from mine and shaking his head. Suddenly a smile breaks out on my face, I knew he would say something sooner or later. A little convincing is all he needed, that satisfies a part of me that looks out for him, the one that feeds off his emotions. Not in a bad way of course.

"Tell me, I'm listening." My thumb softly brushes over his knuckles, smoothing out the skin there in time. It's a soft way to let him know I'm here, that he can speak to me. Kyle tends to shut down over certain things, some of which I haven't exactly figured out yet, but his well being matters to me. That includes whatever this is.

Slowly, Kyle shakes his head again. "I just don't like the way Cartman treats you." His eyes meet mine again. "He flirts with you all the time and it pisses me off." Venom flares from his tongue, creating a hateful edge in his voice that tells me he's annoyed. I can't help but wonder if it's because he doesn't trust me or if it's just him becoming uncomfortable.

"I'm not going to let him do anything. I promise." I squeeze his hand again, just to accentuate what I said but he shakes his head again.

"it's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust him. Sure, you could ignore him or tell him off but what's going to stop him from continuously thinking of you like that." A shudder rolls off his shoulders. "I don't like the thought of that."

"I don't either, but it's best if we leave it be. It's been almost seven years and he hasn't made a real move yet. I'm sure it's fine." Part of it is true but the other half doesn't feel as reassuring outside of my head, really my only goal is to sooth Kyle's worries but I seem to be interjecting myself now. He scoffs at my words and I furrow my brows. His eyes shift from discomfort to stern and sharp, an assured glare in his gaze. Maybe not directed towards me, but it sure feels like it.

"Yes, but you're mine." The roughness in his voice washes over me in a rain of tingling sensations, like tiny pellets raining down from the sky, pelting my skin. A shudder runs down my spine again. "I don't like him thinking he has a chance with you at all." Kyle finishes. Frustratedly, he points back at the school and groans at the end. Laughing softly and taking my hand away from his, I cup his cheek with it. The grin on my face can't be helped and neither can the heat, but I press forth.

"Yes, I'm yours. But maybe you should give him a reason to stop."

Suddenly it's like a fire lights up in his eyes, creating an evil grin right along with it. The cogs turning in his head are so obvious that I can practically feel the thought forming in his head. I'm unable to get my own thoughts out before he snaps his seatbelt back and presses a hard kiss on my lips. I hum in shock, my chest squeezing strangely in response. Roughly, our lips move together, a sort of sloppy manner tied in with it. Along my shoulders are his hands almost daring to pin me back against the seat and climb over. Still, they are teasingly holding me in place. I can feel one of his hands disappear from my shoulder but I'm not really looking to see what he's doing.

His teeth sink harshly into my bottom lip, pain shooting through it. Opening my mouth with a gasp, a small noise that can only be heard as a moan escapes me. Kyle begins to smile into the kiss, his other hand sliding down to my waist while slipping his tongue into my mouth. We've made out before but it's never been this intense before. I can even feel the tension building in the pit of my stomach, the kind that begs for attention. I didn't mean for it to slip out, but when it did I think both me and Kyle were shocked. "Please." The whimper is nothing more than a pathetic cry for attention, something that hitches the breath in the back of his throat for just a moment before he pulls away grinning like crazy.

"Yeah. That's right, beg for me." Callous in his voice sends a feeling of arousal between my legs, I squeeze them together in hopes of creating more but I get nothing in response.

"God damnit, Kyle." I huff.

Very slowly, with hazy half-lit eyes, Kyle pulls away. That's when I hear it, the sound of my own small plea repeating itself. My stomach twists, Kyle lifts his phone to reveal the whole thing on recording. My cheeks flood with heat and I look away, shy.

"I'm saving that for me." He mutters.

Looking back over I can see him saving it to his phone before opening up his messages. That's when I realized the name at the top is Eric's. Face red as ever I look back up at Kyle, my lips slightly agape and eyes wide. "Shit, that was hot."

Kyle snorts. Clicking the phone off, he looks at me. "I know it was. But it won't be for him."

"What if everyone sees?" I ask.

He puts the car back in drive with a proud grin on his lips. "They can look all they want." His hand comes to rest on my knee, squeezing softly. "At least they'll know you're mine."

[bambisnc]

pairing : yunjin x reader, karina x reader (comparatively less) genre : oooh. yeah. idrk. crack ish but also angst? cw/tw : classmate!rina and transfer student!yunjin karina doesnt really treat reader well + yunjin is manipulative + food mention + swearing + karina calls yunjin a rather unflattering word + suggestive -> kissing occurs + uneditted its 2.17 am n my eyes hurt.. :( wc : 1.5k this was supposed to be a fluffy rina 200 ish word hc wtfwtf notes : wtf have i written fr / wrote this while listening to farewell, neverland and stupid in love alternately

classmate!karina who you've known ever since you gained enough coherent knowledge to retain information because, hey, it's a small town and she's a girl who everyone knows will achieve big things

classmate!karina who can literally do it all. she's the human incarnate of the song little miss perfect : straight hair, straight a's, straight forward,.. teachers more often than not swoon in her presence, she's voted class president on the first day and underclassmen and seniors are equally in awe of the enigma that she is; elusive but alluring.

it's only natural that you would fall for her; how could you not? with the way she slips her arm into yours everywhere you go and how she always makes it a point to greet you by being physically affectionate : hugs from the back, forehead kisses, head pats, nose boops and whatnot,. there's also those kisses which she places right at the corner of your mouth; her own so close to yours that if you were to move even the slightest you'd end up brushing against hers,,

but whenever you try to ask her about your relation, your sad little question of "what are we rina.." goes completely unheard.. :(

but then !!! comes along transfer student!yunjin :) this'll be fun :)

when the teacher approaches karina with the matter of showing the new girl around, helping her catch up to the syllabus, etc; you were with her and quite clearly able to feel the hesitation radiating off of her figure. so you, being the kind-hearted soul you are volunteer your own help !! the teacher doesn't really gaf,, as long as she knows you won't shower the new girl with worms or something she's chill w that :p

however, karina is still apprehensive because she's apparently heard rumours that yunjin was,.. notoriously known as somewhat of a delinquent. she doesn't really want someone so cute, so trusting like you around her..

but when the vivacious redhead greets you with a charming grin, your defenses immediately lower.. yunjin was so sweet! how could someone like her ever even be assosciated with those rumours?

you soon find yourself spending a lot of time with her,, karina always seems so busy nowadays.. you know how tough class president duties can be plus she's always working on a million other things as well, and you get it, of course. you support her fully!! it's just,.. sometimes you can't help but feel sad... it feels like she's avoiding you on purpose :(

like when you were having lunch with yunjin one day and karina walked into the cafeteria. you waved her over but her nose wrinkled as if she'd smelt something sour and with a brief smile (which was SO obviously fake) she left..

..??????? you need to put in all your strength to not breakdown in tears right there. but yunjin is there to comfort you~ she always is <3 she wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to offer comfort. her hoodie that you'd been wearing (it was coldd and you being in a hurry that day had worn only a t-shirt - she couldn't bear to watch her new friend freezing now could she :( so she ever so chivalrously gave it to youu <3) along with her warm embrace made you feel very comforted~

but your feelings for karina still reign strong. so you decide if she won't tell you what you did to upset her, you'll confront her yourself

except.. yunjin ends up talking to you out of it... her argument makes complete sense : karina probably just wanted some space from you. if you approached her right now, she'd only retreat farther away, and you did not want that

so whenever you're feeling particularly vulnerable, in a 'fuck it we ball' kinda mood she's always there to prevent you from making a mistake!! she's so thoughtful <3 she's over at your place pretty often + sleepovers have become a new norm for you two because hey who knows when you'll need a comforting hug from your friend right? :)

but then, against your better judgement - yunjin would be so sad for you if she found out.. :(( - you finally give in to your urges. you decide to properly confess your feeling to karina on the 14th of feb. you really miss what you had with her, you miss being her friend.. and even if she hates you now you'd rather at least get closure than be ghosted irl 😔

so you go all out! go big or go home by enhypen plays in the bg you make her favorite chocolates, write a letter explaining how you feel, decorating a cute red heart shaped box and wrapping it all up w a cute ribbon <3

there is now the dilemma of how to give it to her.. hmm you do know she has patrols in and around the sports ground after lunch every alternate day.. and by your luck 14th is one of those days!

you ditch yunjin with a couple of fake excuses, desperately dodging her offers to come with you when finally, looking extremely dejected she leaves

sighing with relief you make your way to the first floor into a classroom from where you can easily see the entire grounds. and oh! you see those familiar long locks of black!! rather ungracefully, you decide to just throw your box out hoping she'll see that your name is written on it and not immediately throw it away

as soon as you're ready to chuck it down : you hear a familiar voice, "yn? what are you doing here??" it's karina?! how is she here?? but in your shock you accidentally let go of the box; only managing to keep holding on to the letter

shock and dread fills you at the thought of someone else taking the box and thinking you were confessing to them you dont even bother to look at karina even though it's been ages she's initiated a conversation with you.. as you leave, in your frustration you ball up the letter and throw it in the trash, completely forgetting that the person it was for was right there??

you race downstairs but end up bumping into a whirlwind of red. it's yunjin. the sheer happiness on her face somehow settles into you and you can't help but ask her whatever happened to make her look so delighted

she immediately pulls you into a tight embrace, "oh yn i like you too!! i thought you were still hung up over karina and i was so worried that she'd steal you away from me but if you have feelings for me that totally changes things!! i was ready to completely isolate you so you would only have me to depend on but fuck- you're so cute confessing outright out of nowhere!! even kazuha said she could've never seen it coming - you always seemed so heart-struck around her after all"

this shouldve been a red flag but the dazed state you'd been thrust into made all her words pass right over your head. you can only reply with a weak "kazuha..?who- what do you mean.."

"oh are u jealous?? that's so cutee ynniee and i mean exactly what i said pretty!! shit does this mean we're dating now? i've been waiting since forever to be able to call you mine.. oh my god i could kiss you right now.." yunjin's overenthusiasm leaves you very flustered and honestly? a little weak in the knees?

"so can i then??" yunjin's still talking "can you-?" "can i kiss you yn please we're dating now right?" "we are..? of course then.." and she wastes absolutely zero time in immediately diving towards you, tilting your neck to devour your lips with her own, her other hand sneaking its way to your waist, pulling you closer, closer.. yes you're still in the middle of the hallway but yunjin would be damned if she gave a single fuck, not when she has you like this and you.. you're still lost in some kind of a daze that only becomes heavier as your gf's (?) lips work against yours, till her hands holding you are the only reason you're still able to stand

you gain some sort of consciousness, when you're completely out of breath (ironically-) and push yourself away from her gently

yunjin immediately moves as if to chase after your lips but then seems to notice something behind you which makes her smirk.. huh.. she's really pretty; are you just noticing this now?

she pulls you into her chest then, like she's down millions of time and you carefully place your arms around her shoulders as she pats your head, whispering something soft in your ears - which you sadly can't hear due to the slight sound of blood pounding in your ears.. but in the comfort of her arms you really can't seem to bring yourself to care, simply enjoying the comfort she provides you with.

unbeknownst to you, as you and yunjin were in the middle of that passionate exchange, karina had managed to track you down and witnessed in horror the painful sight of you with her. god she'd ruined everything, that fucking bitch. how dare she even touch you with such bad intentions? granted karina's thoughts about you weren't 100% platonic either but you were hers. and she intended to do whatever she could to make that happen..

[akutasoda]

title - 'so before we die, i'd like to do something nice'

╰➜they realise they messed up and they will do anything to make it up to you

dedicated to - jouno saigiku!

warnings - gn!reader, small arguement, slight comfort, sonnet length - 726

a/n: request by an anon!!

dating jouno was hard. you knew it and jouno himself knew it. his work as a hunting dog kept him busy and even away for a couple of nights, so you could either rarely see him or see him a reasonable amount - it was very fifty fifty. although you knew you couldn't complain because you knew exactly what you were getting into when you started dating him. for the best part, it was tolerable and didn't bother you too much.

but what could really get to you was jouno’s attitude. sometimes he truly could have the attitude of a child. arguments with him were rare but when they did occur, they were bad. jouno was always too stubborn, and always under the impression that nothing could be his fault. rightfully, it could really wind you up.

apologies were really no better from him. you'd always get a few mumbles and a hug that felt more forced than sincere but you knew it was the best you'd get. hesitantly, you always took his half-assed apologies and very soon everything seemed pointless to drag on and so it was pushed aside and waited for the next time you two had any dispute.

fortunately, most days were normal. your relationship was rather healthy despite the occasional argument but no relationship could go without a few. but this argument seemed different. worse for some reason and you really didn't want to keep it up for long.

as soon as jouno got home he seemed to be in a foul mood. he seemed to have a scowl etched onto his face as he stormed around. you merely wanted to ask what happened or if there was anything you could do for him but before you could even utter a coherent sentence, he shouted.

before either of you could register it, jouno began shouting out his frustrations at an unsuspecting you before storming off yet again. all you did was stared wide eyed at your lovers retreating figure, he really could act like a child sometimes. admittedly, you were hurt by his words during his outburst but you knew going after him was a hopeless endeavour and so you remained put.

jouno paced around the shared bedroom for a while before sighing and stopping. he knew that you didn't deserve the backlash of his anger and yet that didn't stop him from doing it in the first place. he knew he was in the wrong and should apologise but he couldn't. all jouno could do is calm down, go back out and hope you've forgiven him.

except this time it wouldn't be so easy. he could tell you were lounging on the couch were he had yelled at you and so jouno slowly made his way to sit beside you. you two sat in silence for a bit before you heard him mumble something and he tried to give you a hug - no doubt his ‘forced’ form of apology but you simply pushed him off.

his face fell more than it was. he tried again just to be met with the same result. now he realised that you weren't having his attitude anymore, that his sorry excuse of an attitude and even worse apology wasn't getting him back in your good books.

in fact, he knew he didn't deserve you. you were always so accommodating for him and so understanding. yet he treated you like he did everyone else and now he realised you'd finally got fed up of him. he messed up, he'd messed up plenty of times but this seemed to be the final mistake if he didn't fix it soon.

and so he called your name.

he didn't know if you looked at him, he didn't care he just wanted you to listen.

‘im sorry’

‘im sorry for every time we argue, i would do anything to make it up to you, just please understand im sorry’

you may have remained silent but jouno could tell by your quickening heartbeat that you listened, that you were contemplating forgiving him. he could even take a guess that a small smile could be observed on your face.

‘so what would you like to do?’

[dukeofankh]

Almost everybody has at least a *little* bit of a point.

Yeah. Even them. And being wrong about everything else doesn't actually change that. They might not know how that point should actually be interpreted, they might come to foolish or even actively harmful conclusions from that point. They might radically overstate how prevalent or important the point is. But don't fall into the trap of refusing to acknowledge things that are true just because a bad person says them.

I cannot tell you how many times I've seen someone from a group I belong to dunking on someone from some outgroup, even a very harmful outgroup, and in doing so, denying basically true things that we would absolutely agree with if we were talking about them in private.

I dunno. Maybe it bugs me for neurodivergent reasons. Maybe I'm a pedantic ass.

The other day I got into a massive fight online with a guy in a feminist group because he was squabbling with a bit of a dipshit who pointed out that men are under a lot of pressure to become financially successful, and that's why they do stupid shit like get into crypto.

And like... rather than say "yeah, men are still expected under hegemonic masculinity to be breadwinners, despite the advances of women into the workforce, the economy being in shambles and the middle class having been whittled to a toothpick at this point. We need to work as feminists to challenge that gendered expectation, and as leftists to rebuild the power of labour to allow everyone, both men and women, to have a living wage that can allow for a family and a dignified life." This other feminist guy decided instead that, since the concept of men being pressured to be economic providers was being used in a way that sounded like it was suggesting that women only want to date rich men, it was redpill propaganda and, therefore, fascist misinformation. He went with, "what are you talking about, Gen X killed the concept of corporate success as marker of personal worth, everyone agrees that being a workaholic is bad and unattractive now. The idea that you think you'll be judged for being poor is a lie spread by the right to radicalize you into hating women." He did not react well when I pointed out that he was just as wrong as the other guy was. More wrong, actually.

And like...you can build multiple arguments from the same data point. Some are well reasoned, some aren't. Someone can feel pressure and assume it's much more widespread than it is, or that it takes a much more extreme form than it really does. But if you're going to coherently argue against an idea, you have to honestly appraise the situation and figure out what grains of truth it has in it. You have to acknowledge that core root of truth and show them how it means something else.

If, instead of doing that, you just deny the true thing because the other person's argument is built on it and you want to stamp it out? Because, hey, they interpreted it wrong, it's not like they really believe something true? You act as though a fact used to support a lie is also a lie. And if you do that, and argue against the facts because their conclusions are stupid, you construct a little world where, in refusing to accept both their flawed argument AND the fact it's based on, you become more wrong than they are. And you make the deeply foolish choice of picking a fight in that world. And if it's on the internet, that little world can become pretty big. Tactically, it's about the dumbest thing you could do. It ensures that they will keep fighting you because...you're fucking obviously wrong? It radicalizes people, because suddenly the only people who will acknowledge the truth on this thing they care about are other terrible people. It makes your side look dogmatic and ignorant. And apart from all of that...it gets things completely backwards.

Your principles are what you want to use to change the world for the better. You believe them because you honestly believe that following your principles improves things, because they are based on a solid grasp of how the world works. Your beliefs follow from what is true. If you flip it so that whether something is true is based on whether it supports your beliefs...that's a bad road to go down.

[hamliet]

Less of a question but I was never an avid manga reader till 2019 and mha was the first manga I kept track of weekly, and I read Tokyo ghoul after it ended, and seeing everyone be dissatisfied with how Tokyo ghoul ended after keeping up weekly is something I’m reminded of after seeing the latest chapter of mha. So this is what it feels like to witness 6 years of a character you hold in high regard be undermined(to put it lightly). I’m rather sad, but I can’t help but feel fondness for shigaraki even if the way he ended wasn’t satisfying, how do u feel about how mha has gone?

Yeah it does feel very reminiscent of Tokyo Ghoul in that they just went "ah yes, killing the right people is actually how we solve world issues." Which I find morally reprehensible, but also genuinely bad writing because the story as a whole doesn't support this message.

@linkspooky explained in her meta yesterday why Deku has completely failed as a character, and why the manga has failed thematically as a story. I'm just gonna say I completely agree with Link.

To be fair, I'm not sure Shigaraki is dead dead, but either way, it's bad writing and it doesn't conclude his arc with any sort of satisfactory element. Like, why would Shigaraki see Deku as different than anyone else who tried to punch him? That's nonsensical and written from the POV of an audience, not from Shigaraki's POV. It's like in Star Wars when Rey calls herself "Rey Skywalker" when she knew Luke for 3 days and none of the people she was actually close to (Leia, Han, Ben) were Skywalkers. That's writing for the audience, with their perspective, ignoring the logic of your story. It defies believability because the character does not have that perspective. It's "forced" because the audience can see the hand of the author.

If Shigaraki is dead dead... Not gonna Star Wars this one again, but since I also hated the ending of The Rise of Skywalker, I must make a comparison. The idea that Deku may have saved Shigaraki's heart but couldn't save his body (which to be honest, nothing in the actual chapter supports, but if he stays dead might be the argument) is still bad writing. Why? Because to Shigaraki didn't even make the decision himself. He didn't sacrifice anything. How can his heart be saved if he had nothing to do with it? Saving an object is easy as pie. Saving a person is different, and that's what the whole story has been about. Like, in TROS, Kylo Ren gave his life for Rey! Was it stupid? Yes! But at least his "saved heart" did something. Shigaraki's saved heart did what exactly?

So then, is the message that Deku failed? Then why isn't it framed as a failure? Why was BNHA never set up to be a grimdark tragedy? If he failed, then shouldn't he have a miserable ending? Unless it's "heroes always become bad guys and life is unfair," but then shouldn't Deku be framed critically?

Basically, Horikoshi can't come back writing-wise from this in BNHA, and it's sad to see.

Horikoshi's biggest flaw throughout the entire story was that he kept flip-flopping on what he wanted to say, and made the characters more about his trying to please every single fan than about being, well, characters to explore important questions he has that are worthwhile. And you can do this while still having a "cool" factor!

Instead the characters tell us one thing while cocooning Deku in the sweet bliss that no one ever has on this earth--being 100% right all the time. And it's sad, because BNHA had so much potential as a story to challenge its audience and entertain too.

I thought even if it flopped in some aspects it'd at least get this right. It's disappointing.

Anyways every day that goes by I want to send Isayama and his editors flowers for actually writing a thematically coherent ending, even if some aspects were dropped or messy along the way.

[thesublemon]

best picture

For the first time in a long time, I watched all of the movies nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars this year. Partly on a whim, partly for a piece I’ve been working on for a while about what is going wrong in contemporary artmarking. I cannot say that the experience made me feel any better or worse about contemporary movies than I already felt, which was pretty bad. But sometimes to write about a hot stove, you gotta put your hand on one. So. The nominees for coldest stove are:

Poor Things. Did not like enough to finish. I always want to like something that is making an effort at originality, strangeness, or style. Unfortunately, the execution of those things in this movie felt somehow dull and thin. Hard to explain how. Maybe the movie’s motif of things mashed together (baby-woman, duck-dog, etc) is representative. People have been mashing things together since griffins, medleys, Avatar the Last Airbender’s animals, Nickelodeon’s Catdog, etc. Thing + thing is elementary-level weird. And while there’s nothing wrong with a simple, or well-worn premise, there is a greater burden on an artist to do something interesting with it, if they go that route. And Poor Things does not. Its themes are obvious and belabored (the difficulty of self-actualization in a world that violently infantilizes you) and do not elevate the premise. There’s a fine line between the archetypal and the hackish, and this movie falls on the wrong side of it. It made me miss Crimes of the Future (2022), a recent Cronenberg that was authentically original and strange, with the execution to match.

Anatomy of a Fall. Solid, but not stunning. The baseline level of what a ‘good’ movie should be. It was written coherently and economically, despite its length. It told a story that drew you along. I wanted to know what happened, which is the least you can ask from storytelling. It had some compelling scenes that required a command of character and drama to write—particularly the big argument scene. The cinematography was not interesting, but it was not annoying either. It did its job. This was not, however, a transcendent movie.

Oppenheimer. Did not like enough to finish. But later forced myself to, just so no one could accuse me of not knowing what I was talking about when I said I disliked it. I felt like I was being pranked. The Marvel idea of what a prestige biopic should be. Like Poor Things, it telegraphed its artsiness and themes and has raked in accolades for its trouble. But obviousness is not the same as goodness and this movie is not good. The imagery is painfully literal. A character mentions something? Cut to a shot of it! No irony or nuance added by such images—just the artistry of a book report. The dialogue pathologically tells instead of shows. It constantly, cutely references things you might have heard of, the kind of desperate audience fellation you see in soulless franchise movies. Which is a particularly jarring choice given the movie’s subject matter. ‘Why didn’t you get Einstein for the Manhattan project’ Strauss asks, as if he’s saying ‘Why didn’t you get Superman for the Avengers?’ If any of this referentiality was an attempt to say something about mythologization, it failed—badly. The movie is stuffed with famous and talented actors, but it might as well not have been, given how fake every word out of their mouths sounded. Every scene felt like it had been written to sound good in a trailer, rather than to tell a damn story. All climax and no cattle.

Barbie. Did not like enough to finish. It had slightly more solidity in its execution than I was afraid it would have, so I will give it that. If people want this to be their entertainment I will let them have it. But if they want this to be their high cinema I will have to kill myself. Barbie being on this list reminds me of the midcentury decades of annual movie musical nominations for Best Picture. Sometimes deservingly. Other times, less so. The Music Man is great, but it’s not better than 8 1/2  or The Great Escape, neither of which were nominated in 1963. Musicals tend to appeal to more popular emotions, which ticket-buyers and award-givers tend to like, and critics tend to dislike. I remember how much Pauline Kael and Joan Didion hated The Sound of Music (which won in 1966), and have to ask myself if in twenty years I’ll think of my reaction to Barbie the same way that I think of those reviews: justified, but perhaps beside the point of other merits. Thing is. Say what you want about musicals, but that genre was alive back then. It was vital. Bursting with creativity. For all Kael’s bile, even she acknowledged that The Sound of Music was “well done for what it is.” [1] Contemporary cinema lacks such vitality, and Barbie is laden with symptoms of the malaise. It repeatedly falls back on references to past aesthetic successes (2001: A Space Odyssey, Singin’ in the Rain, etc) in order to have aesthetic heft. It has a car commercial in the middle. It’s about a toy from 60 years ago and politics from 10 years ago. It tries to wring some energy and meaning from all of that but not enough to cover the stench of death. I’d prefer an old musical any day.

American Fiction. Was okay. It tried to be clever about politics, but ended up being clomping about politics. At the end of the day, it just wasn’t any more interesting than any other ‘intellectual has a mid-life crisis’ story, even with the ‘twist’ of it being from a black American perspective. Even with it being somewhat self-aware of this. But it could have been a worse mid-life crisis story. The cinematography was terrible. It was shot like a sitcom. Much of the dialogue was sitcom-y too. I liked the soundtrack, what I could hear of it. The attempts at style and meta (the characters coming to life, the multiple endings) felt underdeveloped. Mostly because they were only used a couple times. In all, it felt like a first draft of a potentially more interesting movie. 

The Zone of Interest.Wanted to like it more than I did. Unfortunately, you get the point within about five minutes. If you’ve seen the promotional image of the people in the garden, backgrounded by the walls of Auschwitz, then you’ve already seen the movie. Which means that all the rest of the movie ends up feeling like pretentious excess instead of moving elaboration. It seemed very aware of itself as an Important Movie and rested on those laurels, cinematically speaking, in a frustrating way. It reminded me of video art. I felt like I had stepped through a black velvet drape into the side room of a gallery, wondering at what point the video started over. And video art has its place, but it is a different medium. Moreover video art at its best, like a movie at its best, takes only the time it needs to say what it needs to say. 

Past Lives. I’m a human being, and I respond to romance. I appreciate the pathos of sweet yearning and missed chances. And I understand how the romance in this movie is a synecdoche for ambivalent feelings about many kinds of life choices, particularly the choice to be an immigrant and choose one culture over another. The immigrant experience framing literalizes the way any choice can make one foreign to a past version of oneself, or the people one used to know, even if in another sense one is still the same person. So, I appreciate the emotional core of what (I believe) this movie was going for, and do think it succeeded in some respects. And yet…I was very irritated by most of its artistic choices. I found the three principal characters bland and therefore difficult to care about, sketched with only basic traits besides things like Striving and Being In Love. Why care who they’d be in another life if they have no personalities in this one? It’s fine to make characters symbols instead of humans if the symbolic tapestry of a movie is interesting and rich, but the symbolic tapestry of this movie was quite simple and straightforward. Not that that last sentence even matters much, since the movie clearly wanted you to feel for the characters as human beings, not just symbols. Visually, the cinematography was dull and diffuse, with composition that was either boring or as subtle as a hammer to the head.

Maestro. Did not like enough to finish. Something strange and wrong about this movie. It attempts to perform aesthetic mimicry with impressive precision—age makeup, accents, period cinematography—but this does not make the movie a better movie. At most it creates spectacle, at worst it creates uncanny valleys. It puts one on the lookout for irregularities, instead of allowing one to disappear into whatever the movie is doing. Something amateurishly pretentious in the execution. And not in the fun, respectable way, like a good student film. (My go-to example for a movie that has an art-school vibe in a pleasant way is The Reflecting Skin). There’s something desperate about it instead. It has the same disease as Oppenheimer, of attempting to do a biopic in a ‘stylish’ way without working on the basics first. Fat Man and Little Boy is a less overtly stylish rendition of the same subject as Oppenheimer, but far more cinematically successful to me, because it understands those basics. I would prefer to see the Fat Man and Little Boy of Leonard Bernstein’s life unless a filmmaker proves that they can do something with style beyond mimicry and flash.

The Holdovers. Did not like enough to finish. It tries to be vintage, but outside of a few moments, it does not succeed either at capturing what was good about the aesthetic it references, or at using the aesthetic in some other interesting way. The cinematography apes the tropes of movies and TV from the story’s time period, but doesn't have interesting composition in its own right. It lacks the solidity that comes from original seeing. (Contrast with something like Planet Terror, in which joyous pastiche complements the original elements.) The acting is badly directed. Too much actorliness is permitted. Much fakeness in general between the acting, writing, and visual language. If a movie with this same premise was made in the UK in the 60’s or 70's it would probably be good. As-is the movie just serves to make me sad that the ability to make such movies is apparently lost and can only be hollowly gestured at. That said, the woman who won best supporting actress did a good job. She was the only one who seemed to be actually acting.

Killers of the Flower Moon. The only possible winner. It is not my favorite of Scorsese’s movies, but compared to the rest of the lineup it wins simply by virtue of being a movie at all. How to define ‘being a movie’? Lots of things I could say that Killers of the Flower Moon has and does would also be superficially true of other movies in this cohort. Things like: it tells a story, with developed characters who drive that story. Or: it uses its medium (visuals, sound) to support its story and its themes. The difference comes down to richness, specificity, control, and a je ne sais quois that is beyond me to describe at the moment. Compare the way Killers of the Flower Moon uses a bygone cinematic style (the silent movie) to the way that Maestro and The Holdovers do. Killers of the Flower Moon uses a newsreel in its opening briefly and specifically. The sequence sets the scene historically, and gives you the necessary background with the added panache of confident cuts and music. It’s useful to the story and it’s satisfying to watch. Basics. But the movie doesn’t limit itself to that, because it’s a good movie. The sequence also sets up ideas that will be continuously developed over the course of the movie.* And here’s the kicker—the movie doesn’t linger on this sequence. You get the idea, and it moves on to even more ideas. Also compare this kind of ideating to American Fiction’s. When I said that American Fiction’s moments of style felt underdeveloped, I was thinking of movies like Killers of the Flower Moon, which weave and evolve their stylistic ideas throughout the entire runtime.

*(Visually, it places the Osage within a historical medium that the audience probably does not associate with Native Americans, or the Osage in particular. Which has a couple of different effects. First, it acts as a continuation of the gushing oil from the previous scene. It’s an interruption. A false promise. Seeming belonging and power, but framed all the while by a foreign culture. Meanwhile potentially from the perspective of that culture, it’s an intrusion on ‘their’ medium. And of course, this promise quickly decays into tragedy and death. The energy of the sequence isn’t just for its own sake—it sets up a contrast. But on a second, meta level it establishes the movie’s complicated relationship to media and storytelling. Newsreels, photos, myths, histories, police interviews, and a radio play all occur over the course of the movie. And there’s the movie Killers of the Flower Moon itself. Other people’s frames are contrasted with Mollie’s narration. There’s a repeated tension between communication as a method of knowing others and a method of controlling them—or the narrative of them—which plays out in both history and personal relationships.)

Or here’s another example: When Mollie and Ernest meet and he drives her home for the first time, we see their conversation via the car’s rearview mirrors. This is a bit of cinematic language that has its origins in mystery and paranoia. You see it in things like Hitchcock or The X-Files or film noir. By framing the scene with this convention, the movie turns what is superficially a romantic meet-cute (to quote a friend) into something bubbling with uneasiness and dread. This is not nostalgia—this is just using visuals to create effects. It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen anything that uses the convention before, although knowing the pedigree might add to your enjoyment. The watchfulness suggested by the mirrors and Ernest’s cut-off face will still add an ominous effect. It works for the same reason it works in those other things. Like the newsreel, it is a specific and concise stylistic choice, and it results in a scene that is doing more than just one thing.

In general, the common thread I noticed as I watched these nominees, was the tendency to have the ‘idea’ of theme or style, and then stop there. It’s not that the movies had nothing in them. There were ideas, there was use of the medium, there was meaning to extract. There were lots of individually good moments. But they tended to feel singular, or repetitive, or tacked on. Meanwhile contemporary viewers are apparently so impressed by the mere existence of theme or style, that being able to identify it in a movie is enough to convince many that the movie is also good at those things. The problem with this tendency—in both artists and audiences—is that theme and style are not actually some extra, remarkable, inherently rarifying property of art. Theme emerges naturally from a story with any kind of coherence or perspective. And style emerges naturally from any kind of artistic attitude. They are as native as script, or narrative, or character. A movie’s theme and style might not be interesting, just like its story or dialogue might not be interesting, but if the movie is at all decent, they should exist. What makes a movie good or bad, then, is how it executes its component parts—including theme and style—in service of the whole. When theme is well-executed it is well-developed. Contemporary movies, unfortunately, seem to have confused ‘well-developed’ with ‘screamingly obvious.’ A theme does not become well-developed by repetition. It becomes well-developed by iterationand integration. Theme is like a melody. Simply repeating a single melody over and over does not result in the song becoming more interesting or entertaining. It becomes tedious. However, if you modify the melody each time you play it, or diverge from the melody and then return to it, that can get exciting. It results in different angles on the same idea, such that the idea becomes more complex over time, instead of simply louder.

Oppenheimer wasprobably the worst offender in this regard. Just repeat your water drops, crescendoing noise, or a line about ‘destroying the world’, and that’s the same as nuance, right? Split scenes into color and black and white and that’s the same as structure, right? That’s the same as actually conveying a difference between objectivity and interiority (or another dichotomy) via the drama or visual composition contained in the scenes, right? When I watched many of these movies, I kept thinking of a behind-the-scenes story from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The story goes that Joss Whedon was directing Sarah Michelle Gellar in some scene, and when the take was over he told her how great she was, and that he could see right where the music would come in. And Gellar replied that if he was thinking about the music, he clearly wasn’t getting enough from her acting alone. This conversation then supposedly informed Whedon’s approach to “The Body,” a depiction of the immediate aftermath of death that is considered one of the best episodes of television ever made, and which has no non-diegetic music whatsoever. Not to imply that music is necessarily a crutch, or to pretend that “The Body” is lacking in other forms of stylization (it is a very style-ish episode). But more to illustrate the way that it is easy to forget to make the most of all aspects of a medium, particularly the most fundamental ones, once one has gotten used to what a final product is supposed to feel like. 

And that’s why most of these movies don’t feel like movies. They create the gestalt of a movie or a ‘cinematic’ moment—often literally through direct vintage imitation—without a sense of the first principles. Or demonstrating a sense of them, anyway. Who needs AI when the supposedly highest level of human filmmakers are already cannibalistically cargo-culting the medium just fine.

[1] “The Sound of Money (The Sound of Music and The Singing Nun).” The Pauline Kael Reader. (This book contains the full text of the original review, rather than the abbreviated review that I linked earlier.) 

[leiflitter]

Re: canon Felix not remembering to tell Ollie about the formalwear, I think it's his self-centeredness making him shortsighted and oblivious but also maybe subconsciously giving himself another chance at playing white knight (just like taking Ollie home because his mother "sounded sober") and feeling good about himself.

(In an alternate universe where Felix is slightly more thoughtful, he doesn't mention the clothes precisely because he knows there's no way Oliver owns or can afford them. Why give him something to worry about when Felix can pretend an oversight and then wave the problem away in seconds rather than put him in the uncomfortable position of having to either reject the invitation or ask for a handout? (double saviour points!) ... But in that universe Felix may have also realized it was weird that Oliver didn't need a summer job)

Okay so I wrote a lot then I deleted it to be more coherent but okay. OKAY.

Felix as Philanthropist. Felix as the hand of God, lifting people from mundanity. Felix as the Knight Who Saves The Princess.

Felix is none of these things, despite wanting to be, because Felix doesn't understand the nature of true kindness. Not really.

What Felix wants is to be universally adored. He mostly is, too, because he's a bombshell hottie-hot rich boy, but the problem is that it's too fucking easy. Everything has diminishing returns to Felix. He gets what he wants, when he wants- and that will make you numb. It's like a callous; Felix has probably only felt actual, deep emotions fleetingly, and even then... He tells Oliver he threw a stone for his dog but...

He doesn't say his dog's name. He loved the dog enough to go through the family ritual for death, but now the dog is nameless.

(I have named the dog Barney, btw, because all pups deserve a name)

Oliver, unlike everyone else, puts up a resistance to Felix's Will. Even Farleigh comes with the begging bowl.

"It's an awful faff to wheel it back to campus" "oh, you want me to..."

Their first proper interaction and Oliver makes him self-conscious. You can see it- he breaks his Felix Eye Contact and goes all hand-wavey and awkward, before Oliver says he will.

That establishes the pattern. Felix wants. Oliver denies. Felix has to try harder. Oliver gives in. Felix likes it.

Oliver is proud despite his apparent circumstances, and despite everything Felix could hold over him, Oliver refuses to just get on the floor and lick his boots and worship him the way everyone else does. Oliver does this because he knows that Felix gets bored when things are too easy, but also because he wants Felix to actually care about him. If Felix stops trying, it means Felix no longer cares, so Oliver makes him demonstrate his affection. To paraphrase-

"Come to Saltburn" - accept my glory and benevolence. Make me feel good. Let me save you.

"It's too much of an imposition." - prove to me that you want me there. Prove to me you care about me. Prove to me that I am more to you than the others.

"You'll save my sanity, really." - I need you to give in so I can actually feel good about myself. Please.

Now, the Hot Argument is a reversal of this. Oliver wants. Felix says no. Oliver tries harder. Felix does not like it.

Then Oliver comes back, with a new chapter of tragedy, which is Oliver Giving In, which Felix Likes.

Now the Dinner Jacket and the Birthday Trip are, actually, both the same thing. Felix has learned the pattern, you see, and he wants to skip straight to Felix Likes It without the initial pushback. He's on his home turf- and look.

Felix knows Oliver doesn't Get It. Felix absolutely knows. His family know all about Oliver’s Sad Circumstances- even if he Told Them In Confidence, that just means they don't talk about it in front of Oliver. He has probably been absolutely writhing about how NICE he's being while waiting for Oliver to arrive, the same as he was in the Was It Awful scene. He's been watching for Oliver to arrive (it's a big house- he pops up maybe 5 seconds after Ollie's come in), seen him be absolutely cowed by Duncan and swooped in to Save Him in his see-throughish white shirt.

Given him the grand tour.

And it starts- not with the jacket, but with the razor.

Felix is dripfeeding Oliver information because then he can bypass the whole Oliver says No part of their little dance. He probably doesn't know it, but that's what he's doing.

"Oh and you need to shave."

"Oh and the maids tell mum everything."

"Oh and you need to dress for dinner."

He doesn't warn Oliver about The Help opening the windows. Or the Henry party. Or the field. He lets Oliver get to the cusp of Something, then Oliver has to give in.

The Birthday Trip is the culmination of it.

Oliver doesn't fight Felix about the trip. About wearing something nice. He doesn't ask and Felix doesn't tell him, because Felix wants him captive.

If Felix actually thought about it for longer than 20 seconds, he might have realised that there's no way this would go well. He hid Oliver's mum's phonecall for a week. A week.

He probably wouldn't have even told Oliver if he could avoid it. I bet he'd have blindfolded him if it was a short trip. Because Felix wants to Be The Hero and roll up to the shack that he assumes Oliver grew up in and rain money on the problem to make it go away.

And what would have happened if it WAS as bad as Oliver described? Oliver would have been humiliated just as badly as he was by the lie coming out. Felix would realise that he is out of his depth, and... am I going to need to write my version of this? Maybe. Oops.

We see Felix through the lens of Oliver's love, but once again:

They're both idiot kids. They're 19/20, immature, off their faces on Saltburn and being young and the weird dynamic between them. It was never going to go well.

[strgrlxox]

✧.➷ like you'll never love again.

☆ || original request here !

☆ || CONTAINS: angsty smut. barely any dialogue.

☆ || WORD COUNT: 787!

you feel the movement of his hands—feeling you. unlike all the other times where he’s felt you up like he couldn’t touch you everywhere fast enough, he took his time with you.

when he pressed his lips to yours, you couldn’t help but melt into him and relish in the way he tasted. you couldn't even call it kiss really, more of him trying to memorize your mouth. swirling his tongue around, lips smacking against yours—it was messy but you let him anyway, parting your lips further to give him more room.

he needed this, and you did too.

you’d been arguing with him for so long you almost forgot what silence was like. but now, the room was almost dangerously silent if it weren't for the sounds of your heavy breathing.

he trailed down your body, stripping you bare as he went.

he stopped at your stomach, slowly placing little kisses there.

“can i…” he breathed out deep, barely able to ask the question without his voice shaking. “can i taste you?”

you allowed your hands to dance in his hair, shutting your eyes tightly to stop yourself from letting persistent tears fall.

“yes.”

at your agreement, his head sunk down in between your legs.

his desperation to savor you for the last time led him to not allowing even a drop of you to escape his tongue. you couldn’t help the moans that you let out, you couldn’t help the tears that brimmed in your eyes either.

you relax into him—gaze fixed on the way he devoured you.

“jamie…i’m gonna—“

even when he made you feel terrible, he could always make you feel so good.

“come for me, please. i need it.” you shivered at his words, gripping his hair while your body convulsed around him.

you closed your eyes again, listening to the sound of his belt buckle being undone.

you felt his hands trailing up and down your spread thighs, his breathing was heavy in the noiseless room.

he didn’t tease you, sliding into you slowly. you gasped, your hand going up to cover your mouth. he gripped it, covering your palm with his while interlacing your fingers together.

it was painful but not physically, it hurt the way he filled you up so perfectly. the way he looked at you with a silent acknowledgment…this would be the last time.

it hurt you because it felt so good, because you’d never get to have him like this again.

“you feel so…” you sniffled a little, laughing at yourself for crying. “so good.”

he kissed away your tears, some of his own falling down his cheeks despite himself.

james always did like the intimacy of having you like this. it was a way to show you how he felt about you rather than just tell you.

and for the first time since the first time, james potter was not fucking you——not making love to you…he was saying goodbye.

you began to whine as he started to move entirely too slow. you knew he was trying to savor the moment but you couldn’t help but wonder if he was still torturing you for your earlier arguments.

“you can take it, know you can.” he panted above you.

“james…” your voice rasped in a way you did not recognize, your eyes met his as your legs began to tremble.

“i know, angel. i know, i know.” he melted down so his head was in the crook of your neck and his arms were around your frame, bracing your body against his——trapping you against the warmth of his chest.

“i don’t ever wanna stop.” if you didn’t know him so well, you wouldn’t have been able to make out the barely coherent sentence. he rested his forehead against yours, you could feel his head jostle with every thrust. “tell me to stop or i never will.”

while he wishes he could do this forever, you both have learned that this will end.

your hands gripped his hair again, which was easily one of your favorite features of james.

“please, don’t stop. i don’t want you to, not yet.” you pull his hair just a little to make him look at you. “i wanna feel it tomorrow, make me feel it.”

he groaned, the sound itself almost enough to make you cum again. “you were always so good for me, weren’t you?”

you clench down on him instinctively at his praise.

“don’t do that, i won’t last much longer if you do that.”

you hum, allowing him to take you for as long as he needed to…until it was over. then he’d leave, and the love that you two shared for so long will be gone with him.

[voxpraxis]

lately i've been... idk if you can really call it "debating" but i've been interacting with some muslims in the comments of an instagram reel in which a young girl was speaking to a young boy (i want to emphasize that they are both children) and telling him that she wasn't allowed to speak to boys until she was married, because her parents and her religion said so. the boy was sad but replied with something like "oh, alright" and the caption & comments were all talking about how "sweet" the situation was. i commented that i didn't think it was sweet, and actually that's a horrible thing to put in a child's mind. the post never directly mentioned islam and neither did i, but everyone who's been replying to me is proselytizing islam, so. anyway, these are the points that have been thrown at me so far:

it's not wrong because both genders are forced apart from each other

in response to me saying it still enforces an extreme divide between genders and encourages them to see each other as opposites rather than equals: the separation is necessary to prevent rape

there is no rape in islam because of the separation between men and women, rape only occurs in western society because men and women are not separated (...because apparently we cannot expect men to not rape women unless they're physically kept away from them at all times)

rape does not happen between family members, it's just not a real thing, ever (incest doesn't exist?)

if you're interested in a girl you should marry her immediately, because dating leads to cheating

men and women cannot be just friends because "islam and science and psychology says so." one guy said it's because "women can't talk about cars and sports"

(i also got called a simp for saying i have female friends. can't make this shit up)

in response to me pointing out that what the girl is saying implies that she won't have any say in who her husband is: arranged marriages are better because they always work out and unlike western marriages, they never end in divorce! (i'll give you one guess why that is.)

similarly, single parent families and suicide are solely western problems

men and women are NOT equal

i need to shut up and respect it because that's their religion

islam cannot be questioned because islam says islam is true

and that's not including all the personal insults and threats i've received, in just a few days.

i will say this is one of the least challenging "debates" i've ever had, in the sense that almost no point brought against me has any logical foundation and is easily refutable. but it's one of the most frustrating because the problem is that they won't hear me at all, because islam teaches its followers to never consider anything else. it teaches them to accept exactly what they are spoon-fed as the ultimate truth. and this is by no means a problem exclusive to islam, but islam does this kind of control better than any other religion i know. people raised into islam are not taught to think in any logical terms - in fact, they're deliberately taught to avoid thinking logically. logical fallacies are the rule. so not only can they barely form a coherent argument in favour of their beliefs, but they have absolutely no clue how illogical they sound sometimes. when i point out a lapse in logic in something they've said, the response i get is "no, that's true because islam says it's true." no other explanation required. at least, i've sometimes heard people of other religions attempt to use logic or science to prove their beliefs, but with the muslims in these comments, those are unnecessary things to be absolutely avoided - it's like they don't even understand why i'd bother to use them. you can't use logic to get through to them because they've been taught to avoid logic and cling to the mantra of islam-is-true-because-islam-says-so.

[fraterfalls]

Hi, I'm new to Blood Brothers AU and I was curious about it. Can you explain about it or show me where I can see the best explanation about it?

ohhh, dear asker, the rabbit hole i'm about to send you down... >:)

alright let me try and explain it in the most coherent way possible, it's late at night BUT i will try my best!!!

explanation under the cut!

(in general, if you're new to the bb au like this asker and trying to find your way around this overwhelming hell of an au i've concocted, i recommend you start here :D)

wow. i tried SO HARD to make this a semi-concise explanation and YET it somehow turned into a mini-fic in itself towards the end there. sighhh... (lol even still, have fun reading!)

first thing's first i need to tell you aboutttt

The Parallel World / "Better World".

in journal 3, ford mentions visiting a parallel dimension in which stan never pushed him into the portal, and instead took his journal and hid it as ford had requested.

^ some screenshots to give you the basic gist of what's going on in that dimension, everything you need to know for the time being. you can read more about it on internet archive if you like

at some point in august i reread this part of journal 3 and became obsessed with the idea of a parallel dimension. i also noticed that apart from mentioning how he never pushed ford into the portal and took the journal in this world, parallel stan is just... not really brought up. at all. ...which opens up some interesting possibilities.

as you can probably guess, this dimension features in the blood brothers au! in my interpretation, the reason stan was never mentioned is because after leaving with ford's journal, he never came back, just seemingly disappeared off the planet. parallel ford... has not been handling this well (and a certain bastard triangle only serves to play up his worst fears!), and because he has such a large student body to attend to and take care of and protect, he represses his issues, buries them under layers and layers of work and responsibilities. nobody even knows he has a brother...

not even his nephew and niece, dipper and mabel. however, they're observant as all hell. as secretive as ford is, they see past his little white lies, they see how he doesn't eat properly and falls asleep at his desk and laughs nervously when someone asks if he's alright. (i haven't talked much about the role they play in this au on tumblr, but rest assured i'll be elaborating more on it in my upcoming fic that may come out sometime within... um... the next few months to the next few decades. they're still the same old mystery twins we know and love, except now they've set their sights on figuring out what their grunkle ford is hiding. very Not What He Seems reminiscent)

alright, now that i've mostly covered the parallel world, time to move on to:

The Portal Stan AU

while i was obsessing over the Better World, a parallel dimension/"alternate universe" which already exists in canon, i started thinking about another AU which is fairly popular in the gravity falls fandom: the portal stan AU. in which stan, rather than ford, gets sent into the portal. thought it was a fantastic concept ever since i first saw it, because it opens so many doors for interesting characterization and also some good ol' angst (and later a healing arc, of course). portal stan has, after all, spent 40 or so years without a solid family base or anyone to care for him. and i can imagine that in those 30 years he spent dimension-hopping, his only thought was to return to his home dimension and see ford again. yes, he was furious and frustrated when they had that last argument, but surely in hindsight he saw how paranoid and jittery ford had been throughout their meeting. he would want to get back and make sure his brother was safe as soon as possible.

and then i had the thought which kicked off this entire au:

what if portal stan fucked up and somehow stumbled upon the parallel dimension while searching for a way home? what if portal stan and parallel ford... MET?

portal stan sees parallel ford and his situation and comes to the conclusion that, without him in the way, ford would flourish. parallel ford sees portal stan and comes to the conclusion that no matter the universe, he somehow manages to destroy stan's life just by being in it. even just knowing that the other exists exacerbates their own insecurities. IT'S SO AWFUL AND SO PERFECT.

also, portal stan couldn't be more desperate to get out of the parallel dimension- partly because he hates the reminder that ford would be better off without him, but mostly because he wants to see his real brother again. however, parallel ford has other plans for him. he's been in denial about the true fate of his own brother for a long time now, but he sees this version of stan and decides he can't afford to let go of him. (his own mental state is too fragile to accept the idea of losing stan again, even if this isn't his own stan. he already let go of him once after the WCT fiasco, and again after the journal incident. thrice is... thrice is too much.)

you may also be thinking "hey, smart guy, i actually DID read that screenshot you posted above while explaining the parallel dimension. it said parallel ford and fiddleford constructed a little something called a Vortex Neutralizer which allows for safe, bill-free multiversal travel. couldn't portal stan just use that to get out of there?"

yeaaah, parallel ford doesn't tell him about that!

he will do almost anything to keep stan with him. he is sinking his claws into that man begging him not to leave-

and stan hates him for it. tears into him with insult after insult. he can't stand this ford, why's he acting like he doesn't have everything he could ever want? (except, of course, he doesn't really hate him. after all, this is still stanford pines, maybe not his ford but he's certainly a ford. same old easily excitable nerd he used to tease back in high school. but stan still has his own ford to attend to, one who needs him more than anything... probably... hopefully, so he shuts out the part of him which is growing fond of parallel ford. tells himself not to think too much about this one. he hardly even knows him. he shouldn't have to bother.)

-

and yeah that's. i think that's enough information to take in in a single post. there's still plenty more going on with the au that i haven't touched on here, but hey that's just the premise! i would link you to more specific posts which will help you further acquaint yourself with the au, but it's. it's 2am and i am incredibly sleepy, so instead i will simply provide you with the link to the blog archive, where you can look at all the posts on here without having to scroll endlessly trying to find specific things. enjoy!!!

if you have any more questions DON'T BE AFRAID TO COME BOTHER ME ABOUT IT !!! i loved answering this ask... <3 been meaning to rewrite a better AU Premise Post than the one i made back in august anyway lol

[lansplaining]

I can try and explain why Su She's "character-revealing betrayal" actions are worse in CQL than MDZS when you consider it in terms of impact and cultural subtext. In terms of impact, in MDZS he tries to hand over Mianmian in the Xuanwu cave; it endangers one person and even then that is foiled so no real harm is done. In CQL, he endangers far more people with this betrayal; everyone in the cave becomes at risk or actually hurt, and it invalidates the sacrifices of his sect brothers who has chosen to stay silent (I'll come back to this in a bit). 

In both scenes, the moment establishes Su She as 贪生怕死 (literally: greedy for life, afraid of death). "Afraid of death" may sound reasonable, but it is very much a derogatory idiom. There is a saying by Han Dynasty historian Sima Qian from 2000 years ago, "人固有一死, 或重于泰山， 或轻于鸿毛". (Roughly: All humans will face death, some (deaths) may matter more than the weight of Mount Tai, some mean less than a feather.) The quote is made extra-famous after after being alluded to by Chairman Mao to praise the service and sacrifice of a war hero. A meaningful sacrificial death is a fairly global concept, but it is extremely amped up in modern Chinese culture, with roots in tradition and bolstered by government propaganda that praise heroic sacrifices, especially those made for the revolution, the CPC, the modern Chinese state, etc -- this is the banner the censors are working under.

Going back to Su She in the Cloud Recess scene in CQL: he doesn't have a headband and isn't protected like the other core disciples, which can be an argument for possibly not owing the Lans such loyalty. But comparison with the other "peripheral disciples" who has chosen defiance and sacrifice suggests the Lans deserves or has earned this level of loyalty from their disciples. Su She not only betrayed his sect, but also ruined the legacies of the true heroes. Next to the bodies of his sect brothers who has chosen deaths that can mean more than mountains, his cowardly betrayal makes feathers out of all their sacrifices. 

Su She struggling to decide and trying to lie initially is probably meant to show that his fear of death is very human, which also explains the Lans sparing his life after this betrayal. However, failing to overcome the fear of death when most of his sect brothers did means he is not cut out to be a hero (the "xia" in "xianxia", or a "junzi" like "hanguang-jun"). This is the same kind of logic that deems what JGY does for self-preservation is considered morally-deficient rather than morally-neural (or acceptable) -- like this really is the wrong genre and walk of life if staying alive means a lot to you.

I think this is a "path of least resistance" to understanding the censor-friendly story the writers want to tell, accounting for cultural and genre conventions.  I'm not saying the logic is perfect, but it is coherent in its mid-budget-xianxia-web-drama kind of way. 

This is very interesting, thank you!

[familyabolisher]

re: the other questions about books, this is probably impossible to answer but what does make a good book in your opinion? like what would you say a good book Does if that can be identified

lol yeah i mean that’s the question innit! i don’t really believe in “good” and “bad” as like metaphysical properties that one can kind of alchemise into being by using the Right combination of literary discourses in narrative construction, so i guess i can’t really then point to one fixed set of criteria by which a book becomes “good” or enjoyable to me. i think the closest approximation i can get here is like, a good book (to me) is one that has a clear and sophisticated discourse to it, but doesn’t just tell me its discourse; rather, it makes generous use of literary techniques in order to essentially chart the path by which i can trace that discourse (or trace one of many possible discourses) on my own. i like a book that takes its readership seriously rather than worrying that people won’t get it and need to be told what it’s about. more ambiguity please people!!!!!

one of the reasons i like locked tomb so much despite its many faults is that tazmuir is operating within a very developed discourse of sexual violence, imperialism, catholicism, and queerness/lesbian gender relations—but she’s not spelling this out for the reader on every other page. she’s making use of unreliable narration, multitudinous shifting perspectives, intertextuality (don quixote, the iliad, lolita, etc) to gradually map this discourse out on the good faith assumption that the reader will ask their own questions about what those references and allusions and shifts in perspective are doing. and it makes for something that i can talk about for days and days and days—like, you can follow a line of argument through about the significance of dulcinea’s name being dulcinea relative to ideas of chivalry in gtn, how those ideas of chivalry are linked to an internal system of imperialism enacted in-world, how imperialism is linked to death, how cytherea & gideon’s relationship as a Highly Questionable one feeds into these constellate ideas of death/imperialism/sexual violence/chivalry, how all of that then reconverges at our original point of entry (don quixote) with questions of shifting + unstable identities, doubles and doppelgangers (also a lolita thing), the extent to which falsely occupying a role is the same as ‘becoming’ or internalising it or if that difference even matters. (is don quixote a knight? is dulcinea del toboso a lady? is gideon a cavalier? is cytherea Her Lady?). all of that gets v effectively encoded in the naming of one (1) character and unpacking it is far more gratifying on my end than it would be had it all just been Explained on the page!

like—i like things that offer me thought trajectories i can follow through on and construct my own argument within; i hate books which just kind of … hand me what they want to say, often spelt out in quippable extracts. like, write a medium article! i want to think about this text—i don’t want to read it and have it be like “here’s what i think” and then have myself be like “here’s what the book thinks.” my only avenue for response then becomes responding to the book’s discourse—which can be interesting, but is nowhere near as fun as trying to locate it and build the case for my own reading in the first place.

i also just love a playful, original prose voice. i love a writer who understands that prose itself is a site of discourse, that prose can be used to communicate certain ideas and obscure others; i love writers with unique prose voices who don’t just imitate the elevated MFA voice that’s such a big deal right now. anything experimental, innovative, intricate, thoughtful, deliberate will scratch an itch for me. 

i think often this kind of question collapses into a tautology: a book is good when it’s good! i don’t really know how to answer this coherently. i like books that make me think about things that i find it satisfying to think about. i know the good ones when i see them; at the same time, my "good" is someone else's "very very bad" and my "fucking unreadable" is someone else's "favourite book ever" and neither position can really supercede the other without appeals to external intellectual hierarchies that i tend to reject. that’s probably the best i’ve got.

[hyumjim]

also from what i saw prior to this year's olympics, the Official Terf Position re: intersex people was always like, "these conditions are EXTREMELY RARE and DEBILITATING and TRAGIC and how dare you USE THEM to aid some sort of TROON POLITICAL AGENDA, they aren't a coherent political category they are freaks SUFFERERS OF unnatural RARE AND TERRIBLE DISORDERS" (never mind the fact that disability activism is a thing and this is in fact a political category). and I wonder if they will now feel the need to shift their position on this given that we have this discourse about possibly (probably) intersex athletes making international news, and give that they have now been moved towards openly express vitriol towards people who were literally born this way (as opposed to The Troons who choose their decadent lifestyle). (also, i think it's relevant that these are top-performing Olympic athletes, because this detracts somewhat from the argument that intersex people are physically debilitated by their conditions.)

I think many of them preferred to think of intersex people only in the abstract (which is why their response to the topic was always to deny its relevance and prevalence; THE STATISTICS ARE UNRELIABLE-- ALMOST NOBODY IN THE WORLD IS TRULY INTERSEX! etc; and they abhor the use of it an identity category so much that they consistently use the medicalized term "DSD"), but it turns out that being confronted with an intersex person in reality makes them squeamish in much the same way a trans person does. However, fully accepting the biological and social reality of an intersex subjectivity would mean their position on trans people weakens a good bit, because it would mean accepting that sex is something ascribed to bodies, rather than something innate.

In fact it weakens their argument that this is a discussion that's being had at all, because if sex was as uncomplicated as they'd like it to be then none of this would even be a conversation. Every gender prescriptivist in the world would be able to say confidently, "that's a woman" or "that's a man." But the discourse around this makes it obvious that even among those people who are true believers in a prescriptive notion of biological sex, opinions vary drastically as to how this works exactly. Some people say it is hormones, some say genitalia, some say chromosomes, or any possible combination of these variables. The goalposts for this seem to shift constantly depending on the subject. It's very obvious to the casual observer that none of this is written in stone. And it's also very obvious-- to me at least-- that being intersex constitutes a distinct subject position wherein upon being outed, a person is relegated to a social underclass. And that for all of their concern trolling on the subject, terfs wish very badly that intersex perspectives would disappear entirely.

My guess is that after raging about it for however long it takes until our collective cultural memory has moved on (I'd estimate about one week; do you remember that time Trump got shot?), terfs generally will want to act as if none of this happened, so they can return to their previous position of intersex people's social irrelevance and invisibility. Time will tell, I suppose.