#rambling on tags again :p | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

applestorms · 1 month ago

Text

i was just gonna leave this as a comment, but my response started spiraling sooooo. guess i'm makin' this a full on post lol =3=" uhh anyways, responding to @skyborneveggie's tags on this post:

#really good analysis #always here for high-functioning depression light takes #i want to add; while Light is better at reading & manipulating people in the moment he also tends to overlook some things in the long run #because of his superiority complex #like his father volunteering for the eyes in matsuda's place #and matsuda in the ending. As much as i like to think of matsuda as wholesome- #-i do think if light played his cards right he could have manipulated him over to kira's side #but he didn't because he didn't think matsuda was important in the grand scheme of things

very good points!! about matsuda in particular— it’s interesting in retrospect how consistently he’s set up as a side character, particularly with how he is almost always immediately pushed off to the side despite that. like, alongside soichiro, he’s really the first member of the JTF we see pre-lind l. tailor (in the anime, anyway. in the manga it’s a bit more ambiguous, though matsuda definitely shows up to mention KIRA bringing the crime rate down in ch.3, still quite early).

he’s always the one counterpoint within the group, playing devil's advocate in a way with how he brings up the pro-KIRA side of things, yet as you say light underestimates him So consistently that he even ends up evolving into a full on joke/shakespearean fool character by yotsuba, which is really what makes his actions in the end so incredibly significant.

i distinctly remember reading that section where aizawa & mogi are getting more deeply involved with near and, in the case of aizawa in particular, are starting to genuinely consider the possibility that light might be KIRA, and just getting sooooooo so SO goddamn suspicious of what matsuda was doing. this was in part because i already had some spoilers about the ending, specifically about matsuda shooting him, but goddamn do his actions start looking suspicious when you begin taking him seriously as a threat. like, while aizawa is starting to live through his own psychological horror novel come to life, realizing that the innocent kid & strong leader he's been taking care of & following all this time might actually have been the fucking serial murderer they've been after for literal Years, here's what matsuda is up to in the background:

(light's face here. fuckin freak LMFAO)

(this one is particularly notable to me as it shows that even aizawa underestimates him— it's not just light, it's the whole damn team. even ryuk joined in earlier.)

(and of course, my absolute favorite example. the contrast between their expressions alone here is absolutely golden all on its own, but matsuda's heartfelt "don't worry, light!! i'll never betray you!!!" in comparison to THIS only makes it all the more juicy:

like, light doesn't even bother responding to him until he's got a goddamn bullet in his hand. he just sits there confident in the expectation that matsuda will lick his soles like a dog. jesus fucking christ.)

anyways, as i was saying: he's mostly just doing a bunch of dumb shit, making silly jokes in the background, fucking around with ryuk and being written off as an idiot by most characters, especially light but again also aizawa and ryuk. AND YET. he is Always hanging around over light's shoulder, lurking somewhere behind him in almost ever panel he shows up in, perfectly innocent to the point where it's can almost be more off-putting than if he were outwardly, actively questionable. like, this panel in particular, and i mean goddamn, just look at it again:

it hits So Hard in retrospect, not just because matusda is the one to shoot light in the end, possibly being his cause of death had ryuk not stepped in when he did, but also because it's true. as incredibly fucking suspicious as this panel may seem if you are armed with the knowledge that matsuda does, eventually, end up being the one to shoot light, it's equally easy to write it off as normal dumbass matsuda behavior because that is Exactly What It Is. and you would be right!! matsuda is trusting of light to a fault— when he eventually breaks, it is Not due to his own betrayal. it's the evidence of light's. and not just of his manipulation of the task force, for years and years and years on end— it's soichiro's death specifically that finally makes matsuda lose his faith in him.

the idea that light could've manipulated matsuda over to KIRA's side had he just tried a little harder is fascinating, but i think i can also understand why he didn't exert any more effort— it was kinda unnecessary. for basically the entire story, from the moment matsuda is formally introduced, to the minute light breaks and admits he's actually KIRA, matsuda is one particularly dedicated conversation away from being a full-on KIRA supporter— or so light believes, anyway. and he's probably not that far off.

really, i'm of the opinion that it's matsuda's existence as this KIRA-sympathetic figure in the task force in the first place that causes light to believe so strongly that he could eventually convert the entire JTF over to the side of KIRA— possibly even saving all of them their lives in the process. like, as i've said before, for all that light monologues about how he's Definitely Going To Kill The Task Force, Don't Worry, I Can And Will Do It When I Have To, he. never actually does it. instead, light goes through all the trouble of keeping the JTF strung along behind him for more than half a decade following L's death, holding on to all of these strings of his former life even when they are almost undoubtedly more of a pain than they're worth. unable to kill his father, unable to kill misa, unable to kill matsuda— even when he directly tries to.

i forget which post this was on, but i believe someone pointed out before that potentially a major part of light's grief following soichiro's death comes from the fact that he springs a shock on him at the last minute before passing: soichiro never stopped suspecting his son. when he sees light's lifespan above his head his first thought is to be relieved, because the question he's held at the back of his mind for Years has finally been undoubtedly assuaged. light is desperate to believe up until the end that he can make the world truly and genuinely pro-KIRA; his final actions in the moments of clarity before he starts begging at ryuk's feet for his life involve an enthusiastic speech as he makes one final bid at converting the JTF and SPK to join him and believe in his vision of Justice.

and yet. he never quite gets mastuda.

never bothered? or never could? perhaps a bit of both, but it's a fascinating character progression nonetheless, and easily one of the most interesting arcs in the series. poor, poor mastuda, indeed.

sidenote: this is a somewhat half baked thought, but i can't help but make a somewhat minor connection between light's treatment of matsuda and his treatment of misa, as well as his relationship with takada. like, let's think through the list of his main (human) supporters throughout the series, the ones who end up taking on the title of KIRA themselves: in the first half, misa, in the second, takada & mikami. if we add matsuda to this list, we get two mirroring pairs: misa & matsuda for the front half of the series, takada & mikami for the latter.

light's treatment of each of these pairs is quite different, despite the fact that they all essentially fulfill the same purpose to him: misa & mikami act as KIRA's eyes, killing those light is unable/unwilling to himself, while takada & matsuda fill the role of KIRA's spokesperson, albeit to very different audiences. thus each half of each pair executes a different side of KIRA's ideology: misa & mikami the practical side, becoming killers themselves, and takada & matsuda the persuasive side, pointing out the positive influences KIRA's actions have had on the population to The People and the rest of the task force respectively.

it's not quite as simple as i've laid out here, of course— tadaka eventually ends up killing before she dies at light's hand herself, misa lives as light's partner until she loses her memories and never quite recovers, mikami becomes quite static, just playing at a killer for Appearances, until his actions eventually end up accidentally betraying light and leading to his downfall. yet it still seems notable to me that despite light treating takada & mikami noticeably better for the majority of the time that he's working with them, those two are the ones who eventually end up dead, betrayed and betrayer respectively. yet, in the case of misa & matsuda... for all that light degrades them and treats them like shit, those two are the ones that get to live on past him while remaining stubbornly loyal until the end, until light's own actions twist back and smack him in the head.

i think perhaps part of the reason why light never ends up converting matsuda is not just his own ego blowing Shit outta proportion and assuming that matsuda will either very easily convert/is too much of a dumb liability to even bother with, but also light's own discomfort with having followers at all. like, it really takes him that full time skip to get fully on board with the idea that people will Submit to KIRA, despite the fact that he logically must know how necessary that is. light wants the recognition and love and commitment of other people, but he doesn't necessarily want the responsibility of their own stupid actions— a sentiment perhaps reflected in how easily he kills criminals, seeing their "evil" as something to be Purged, an annoyance just as much as a liability for the happiness of the Good, Pure People of the world.

as i've outlined before, misa is the main person who's enthusiastic submission consistently gets on light's nerves and icks him the fuck out, but i can't help but wonder if this same reaction applies at least in part to his distaste of matsuda. it's easier to get away from matsuda at least, considering he doesn't have to play the Good, Heterosexual Boyfriend around him, but that doesn't mean it isn't still somewhat present either. this also gets interesting if you start considering lawlight dynamics during yotsuba as well, and L's similar (if somewhat more overt, even) dislike of matsuda during that era BUT. that'll perhaps have to wait until another essay lolol =3=

#death note #astronaut rambles #touta matsuda #finally got to write me a matsuda post!! hell yeah!!!#been wanting to do this for a while lol but never quite found an approach that stuck w/ me #thx again for the tags on the original post hehe :P #death note meta #anyways. didn't mean for this to evolve into a light bottom advocacy post but what did we expect really #how anyone could see that man as a Dom Top is beyond me frankly #he is so overtly Disgusted for so much of the series when people submit to him #i can't help but wonder if part of the reason why he's so chill with mikami is the fact that he never has to fucking #interact with him irl like he does misa LMFAO #even in the case of takada it's such a clear Performance maybe it's easier to pull it off #especially by that age... withered as he is LMFAO #also takada having her own repressed (oddly compatible?) parallels to light blah blah see @kiyomitakada's posts for more on that #coughs. anyways what where was i why does the clock say two hours have passed what the hell #where am i #light yagami #<- there's enough of him here to warrant that ok shush #alright enough blurry-eyed rereading it's Poast time #edit: oops added one sentence for clarity

17 notes · View notes

dootznbootz · 1 year ago

Note

I’m so curious, do you have any hcs for Odysseus, Penelope, and Telemachus post-odyssey? I just love their little family so much, and like, the olive tree bed scene where Penelope tests him gets me EVERY time

SO MANY! They kind of get...dark though, because they're a LOT about his PTSD. There's PLENTY of Fluff in between but...I plan for it mostly to be about them all helping him with his PTSD. It's a lot of "Comfort" fics.

I plan for Odysseus to be restless and try to force himself to be normal. There are times when he'll be like "I'm going to go run around the island. I would like for you to come with" as being alone kind of stresses him out sometimes. Penelope and Telemachus usually go with him for RUNNING but he will walk with his dad :) It helps with his restlessness. and also just staying active. (especially as this was something OdyPen did often in their youth) It also is a way for him to reassure that "Hey, I'm not going to disappear on you. That's NOT what I want. I just need...release." basically. Fuck the Telegony

I actually have it where he doesn't tell Penelope about Circe and Calypso at first...It's something he's ashamed of and just...it's HARD for him. He's so focused on the fact that he's with Penelope and that's ALL he's wanted all these years. It's who he's longed for. I even have him make an Oath about how she's all he's wanted...He's not struck down...So that's true. It's why Penelope doesn't push too hard with asking at first because she knows him. Eventually, she has a moment of "Hey...I know it's probably painful...but you have to stop hiding this from me...I love you, you silly man. I know that you love me too...I just want to help."

He overhears Telemachus talk about Menelaus and he's happy they're well and that they're happy together. and Penelope mentions how "OFC they're well. They love each other and any good spouse would understand that when the gods are involved they have no choice" and Odysseus gets quiet as Telemachus rambles on and hides his face. He's just... so happy. Penelope would probably understand! Yet he still is afraid to share.

OdyPen had a conversation in their youth about how Tyndarius is such a good man for loving his children equally and understanding Leda didn't have a choice. Odysseus asks Penelope if she still thinks that. She's had an idea something happened and ofc she says yes, she still feels the same way. And he just cries into her chest. He doesn't spill everything yet. but it's a start :'D

He gets nightmares a lot. He tries and hides a lot from Telemachus (especially the Circe and Calypso stuff) because he wants to focus on being a DAD now.

(Ofc, I have it where Penelope invites Menelaus and Helen to Ithaca for Helen and Odysseus to talk about what THEY went through. And Penelope asking for advice from Menelaus...)

They all have "normalcy" eventually. But it's HARD. :') Love and patience help though.

#sorry I didn't share much but if you want more of the fluff bits look through “my headcanons” tag #my headcanons #<- this one :D #some of this would delve into smut :P so not going into full detail haha as that's a lot of the PTSD as that's the most recent trauma.#as...7 years spent with Calypso and just...ESCAPING her.#I won't lie Ima heal through this asshole :P I'm pulling some stuff from my own healing process and kind of doing it again through him.#shot by odysseus #Mad rambles #anon #ask

38 notes · View notes