#r stands for reversed btw

[vivisviolets]

⛓ who is your tribe? 𓆩📓𓆪 𓆩🖤𓆪 how will you meet? ⛓

✮i love how i connected these 3 pics im sooo smart guys

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ -pick the image that gotchu good 👁👁 gotcha eyes~ you know how to do it I know you do- if you feel unclear, take a nice deep breath, connect with spirit/God/your higher self, and ask what messages would serve you in this very moment~ this has been your radio host vi-vi talkin🎙, and I'll catch at your pile~🖋️✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖✮pile 1✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Five of Swords (reversed), Five of Wands (reversed), Ace of Wands, The Hierophant, Page of Cups (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ (slight 18+ cw) Libra/air placemnets, 7th house (Sun/Moon/Rising/Mercury/7h dominant etc), 1 house placements, Aries placements/degrees (Moon/Rising, etc), Nepo baby/“girl(boy/kid)-next-door” vibes, hair extentions, “going blonde”, Legally Blonde, angel numbers 1111, 222, 2424, 1234, channeled songs, Casual - Chappell Roan + How to be a Heartbreaker - MARINA

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Hello my pile 1s!!!!! omg i wanted to jump right in but I feel the need to greet you into this becaussse- omg you are gorgeous- like I am being so fr DO NOT play yourself down I can hear the mind chatter of some of you gearing up at me saying that,-shut that shish down. on the other side of this group,- you already know you were born beautiful, raised beautiful, and have always been your own created beauty, you’re so tapped into that and really you always have- so I want everyone in this pile, to align to that energy rn. 👏R👏N👏. No matter your upbringing, whatever your family told you, your past friend groups, your classmates,- you don’t got to do or be someone else’s anything. you speak for yourselfff- and you always have!! no matter how deep your security periods were, you still radiated- radiance💎 and strength- damn you guys are strong, no matter how “submissive” some of yall feel to be (your vulnerability is divine btw and def a part of your strength)- you are strong af. strong in only a way the wind is (I mean think of how destructive that nature can be yet how soothing its flow is when it is calm) or a polished pillar… I JUST KEEP HEARING IT- YOU GUYS ARE BEAUTIFULLLL. ugh I gotta get into more dets for you- I’m hearing that some of you are blonde (natural/dyed/bleached it dont matter) and damn does it make you look like a star ☆- PLEASEEE YOU’RE A STARRR ♥️- sorry- it looks so good on you the more fair aura because that is definitely the color of your aura in social situations (I’m hearing pale lavender, blue, pink, yellow), I’m hearing you have very calming eyes.. something about the color of your eyes is very “even” in color, or you may know how to keep very even eye contact and that makes the color of your eyes stand out (anyyy eye color- I’m even seeing some of you may have a kind of heterochromia where you may have a dot of brown in your blue iris/other colors apply, etc), some of the people who you’ve kept such level eye contact with during conversation- they think they’d be able to see your eyes in a dark room they stand out so much…

oh my god pile 1 you are a star- moving forward I have to mention, some of you are very proud brunettes- as you fucking should be because oh my jesus that’s hot, your hot, you are a star ★, a superstar- I am not just saying that holy shit. I’m seeing you may stand out in your friend group or who you usually hang out with due to your coloring whatever that may mean (for example cus we’re on the topic of hair- you may be a blonde within a lot of brunettes, or vice versa- you may have brown eyes among a bunch of blue/green eyes, vice versa- you may be only one who tans, has lots of birth marks, wears their hair natural, etc etc),- now I’m hearing I should be giving random styling opinions/boosting- so if you have a y2k grunge aesthetic, or old hollywood glam style you look incredibleeee- don’t you fucking dare bring your body type into this- if you’re an apple body you look like literal heaven in a pair of low rise bedazzled jeans- long straight hair looks so good with your body shape, get wigs if you’ve been thinking about it- get braids if you’ve been wanting them- different color highlights is definitely a good idea (blonde, orange, blue, purple), tighter tops look so good on your body shape (lace up ones or ones with details/graphtics)- a clean sleek white dress would literally ☆shock☆ everyone in a room who knows you/your style (and ppl who don’t know you loll), nude makeup that matches the rest of your undertones, glossy press on nails, one piece of jewelry per type here and there,- some more gn/masc opinions I’m hearing are more shaped clothes, botton downs tucked in high rise straight down jeans/pants (showcase the shape of your shoulders and waist a bit moreee)- I’m hearing if you were to wear a brooch of somekind on your shirt pocket you’d drive someone “wild”-… I MEAN MAYBE THAT’LL JUST BE ME 💞💀- curls look so great on you also, like if you did a larger loose curl somewhere in the front of your hair- gel curls would also look hot on you- star accents of some kind (jewelry, belt charms, keychains, even tattoos),,, you are totally someone’s “pretty boy”/“pretty girl”/“pretty baby”… OH MY GOD THIS IS A RELATIONSHIPS/FRIENDSHIPS PAC WHERE WAS III-

so I was getting into it even in the energy check-in some of you may be coming from a place of past drama- yes I said past bc even if it's fresh it will be past, and in that it is already the past babe. so anyway- there is something.. romantic here- possibly, but really I’m hearing you are in admiration by a lot of eyes-… now I’m hearing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid lol BAHHA oooohh~ you think your life is really mundane and so you’re hearing me say you have eyeballs on you like “… I leave my house once a week”- …bitch- your envioment means nothinggg and can change when you want it to fr. no matter your place this is your natural energy- I’m hearing your natural energy is being a socialite- and I mean you are meant to shine like a glittery star in various rooms- WITH YOUR GAL PALS!! this can even apply for going into a business/professional environment where you speak and interact with a lot of people and you are at the center of that- But anyway take it where it may apply. for some of you- you may do amazing in more queer centered places (clubs, awareness groups, or even drag shows in your area), places with a lot of creativity in relation to fashion (maybe even theater?) and makeup- for others here you should get out more in your school/college (gardening clubs or outdoor volunteer work would definitely benefit you), even if it’s just walking around your enviroment- wherever you walk you own, and you make yourself known…

I’m seriously feeling that so hard- AND SOME OF YOU DARE TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO YOUR OWN INNER SHINE. it's seriously beginning to bug me how you’re still staying in this insecure, bitter, fearful, energy, that is not yours but you continue to claim it!!! WTF. anyways, to those of you resonating with that- I’m being sooo fr, as soon as you kick those feelings to the curb (to be run over and killed 💅) and you fully allow yourself to bloom and allow the sun to shine on you- there will be buzzing. BUZZINGGGG🐝. put yourself out there and seriously just experiment with what it feels like to be with different social groups, don’t take it personally, expect nothing, just do it for your own self experimentation~ doesn’t that sound fun??? I'm getting the tingles just thinking about it~again with those spaces I talked about, no matter your feelings- wherever you walk you own. you belong because you know you belong in yourself. that’s your natural state and no matter how vicious some people were in seeing that in you, you still own that about you ☆ and it is your choice to use that divine gift given to you. please trust and believe when I say that once you step into that inner, pure, state of being- you will be divinely protected, any ◉ attacks are small potatoes and will be diced.

ANYWAYS WOOO- ummm all those spaces that I mentioned are fully open to you, and are definitely where you’ll meet your tribe- again, I’m seeing your “tribe” will more so be you being you and coming in and receiving a lot of admiration- people will just love to talk to you as soon as you come in (I’m seeing especially for the queer/fashion/creative group people coming up to you with armfuls of clothing joyfully wanting your opinion I loveee this for you)- I’m speaking about the future mainly to my more underdeveloped group of this pile, but let me jump into the future which is the place some of you are very much stepping into rn!!!- you’re having people crossing their legs in club booths to fit more people into your get to together- BAHHA- people want to be close to you, catch up, ask where you’ve been traveling to or what you’re wearing- and you’re finally soaking it all up and sitting so relaxed, your smile is dazzling and you’re taking a nice breath in and out as all of this healthily regulates your ego + your higher self.. this is honestly giving that if you weren’t the “queen bee” in your high school- you are now but in your 20s/30s/40s/etc!! and you’re handling it amazingly well, because you still choose to go home solo most nights still high and happy ♡ I love this for you. you also get asked to be the leader or placed as the head of a lot of different projects- it’s more so you oversee them and everyone works around you- the thing is, that you don’t let all this go to your head because you’ve already grounded your self-worth- and because of that attitude, people then want you around even more. when you come in, people want you in your group for the day/hour/20 minutes before another group wants you lol.

you’re fabulous ok? it’s more than fine to be that, it’s divine ♡! soo many people are going to feel like the moth to your flame, it’s already been destined to happen literally😵💫!!!! just keep a watch out for the ones taking too much from you or being up and down with their give-and-take from you, because you deserve someone/people around you who stay hot for you and fan your bright flame while enjoying its warmth (unless they need their own personal space- ppl are ppl, not npcs lol)… I guess I should just briefly state before I finish your reading- the chorus of Casual by Chappell Roan was replaying through your whole reading- I’m not saying this as a cop-out, you have people stopping and, in fact, falling to their knees when they’re in your energy. I see one or two people who are already a part of your larger group environment being very infatuated with you (and I’d definitely keep your eye on them and remain open to this possibility- for some of you this special someone is in your group setting is so pure in their affection towards you and could,, be the one. I'm dead serious about that- but also HEHHEHHEHE💞- oh how I love-love♡),- but I’m mainly seeing a lot of first dates for you guys as you continue to get out there, and that is far from a bad thing because- who wouldn’t want a change at even just one date with you??? (take rejection as non-personal ofc- ppl have free will- and stupidity) and also you get the chance to see how you adapt and interact with new people which is terrific for you!! mannn do I see you getting accepted and taken out by so many people, assholes included but also a lot of “gentlemen”/“babes” who will gladly treat you extremely well and or will be pulling all the charm and fun within them for you- even if they know it’s just one night with you… I’ll just say, you do attract people who want to serve you… on their knees definitely-

AND THAT IS WHERE I WILL LEAVE ITTTTT FOR NOWWW- I’m so so soooo happy to have had you all here todayyyy your life is seriously going to keep going up-up and away if you’ll just allow yourself to see that steady climb and trust it <3 I seriously love youuuu I almost don’t want you to leaveee just like how everyone else feels BAHHA- love you.~

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out is it casual now- two weeks and your mom invites me to her house in Long Beach is it casual now” - “it’s hard being casual when i’m on the phone talking down your sister”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ "This is how to be a heartbreaker- boys they like a little danger" - "singing I lo-lo-love you"

⋆ ˖✮pile 2✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Ten of Pentacles (reversed), Ace of Pentacles, Nine of Cups, Queen of Cups, Six of Swords (reversed) (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Aquarius/Gemini/Libra placements, Capricorn/earth placements, Mercury dominant, Saturn dominant, 2nd house placements black lace, black on black, cinnamon, The Spice Girls, The Cheeta Girls, H2O, 2000s nostalgia, high school reunions, ex-friendship rebirth, stand up, saturday night bars, life path number 11, angel numbers 1111, 1212, 1313, 1221, channeled songs, Party for One - Carly Rae Jepsen, Heat Waves - Glass Animals

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ You guys are funny- just gonna say it off the bat I’m feeling silly with you rn ngl BAHHAHHAhehe- ok um HI PILE 2S!! I shouldn’t yell- let me not yell- some of you are coming from pile 1,, heyyy pile 1s~ ouw~ ok ok, you smiling could light up a room, a house, a complex, a broken oven. AHAHAH- what beautiful teeth and lips you have there- pile 2s. I’m seeing, so many different teeth and lip shapes before you come for me- straight, crooked, vener-white, “needs-a-cleaning” off-white, upside down smiles, nonsymmetrical dimples, big lips, small lips, uneven lips, scarred lips- you get it, I don’t give a shit. when you smile and give that big cackle, chuckle, chortle- you do what you do with joy- and people believe in jesus. people believe that pigs really do have wings. people believe that the sun must shine from your ass. truly. I mean truly. I’m sitting here with my fingers together like- hm. yes. how do I write this all- with a straight face without being sardonic… sardonic? do you guys read? I think you read. now I’m hearing “you thought you ate that-“ that meme, I know that you know it- let me stop. for-… 5 minutes… so we would probably connect really well- which is why I am all over the place, because you are also all over the place (yes I am shading you. respectfully.) someone here does really good impressions, including animals… whatever that means…- BAHAH, you guys would do great in stand up of some kind, either that or you’re known as the funny co-worker. you guys have this range when it comes to your sense of humor, where it is either very dry, with the most composed pauses (when I manage to do that without bursting into your own laughter), and or you guys are so fast like- the editing of a youtube video fast with the jokes- and or a mixture of the two where you’re able to pull off very intricate jokes very quickly in the moment. and jeeze people find you so charming, even more so because of the way you look as well, it’s almost weirdly uncanny to some people how someone with the level of physical attractiveness that you carry (it’s so heavy and so much I know it’s so hard✨) and you then can pull off such- hilarity. and they're like- “…do they know they could be a model??? like- are they aware?? are they using this comedy because they don’t see that about themselves??”… it’s giving “i didn’t know women could be funny” (goes for nb/men too ofc)…

wow- kill them with a spoon 🥄- anyways WOW. so I think you may have, a lot of perceptions of you by people around you who haven’t known you for very long, mainly revolving around your looks- yes your looks. your modesty is attractive but it won’t fly in this courtroom👩‍⚖️- you are attractive in some way, or have an appearance that people definitely admire- but also scrutinize, or underestimate… you definitely get belittled. ok- that sucks- point them out to me?… yea I thought so they are so ew. I don’t care if that person is your mother, your father, or your co-workers who’ve been working at the place for 5 years longer than you- they are ew. anyone who puts you down due to their own pre-made perception of you is ew. ick even. yea, I’m seeing the issue here is not like most other piles I read for where it’s a growth journey with self and insecurity- no you’re good rn you’re like totally chilling. and I love that because I’m chill now, I’m dipping my tea bag up and down and sitting with you I’m so chill. but I had to look into anything going on because- drama, keeps you reading. so main issue I’m exposing is that there are people around you, in your space, a space you “have” to be in like work or even college classes I’m hearing- most people around you mind their own business, good on them, I love them- other people… they dress you up as something in their mind for their own- amusement?? or to feel a sense of having an eagle eye over “you”- and I say “you” in quotations because wtf- they do this… so as to spice up their own boring life? this is a weird form of admiration, because even if it’s a shitty thing to see you as, with them placing you so strongly in this box- they’ve placed you also on this pedestal… that’s probably why even with this obvious bullshit you’re still just chilling- because you know that if someone has built this all up to be who you are- it means you’re the best. and they’re the lowest. the end. anyway my back hurts- someone here likes podcasts, I’m seeing the The Broski Report podcast (broski nation✊) and also Murder, Mystery, & Makeup- again you guys really just chill, drink a bit of wine and entertain yourself.- so let me move onnn and see what transformations might be gearing up in your social life hun~

ok so it’s not “crickets” happening in your social life, not at all- but again you guys are just so, content and used to yourselves (this is my pile who talks to themselves in the mirror I see you)- when I asked yall if you felt lonely I literally drew a blank. and this is actually perfect because it’s seriously when you’re not looking/expecting and you're all good with what you have that you get given so much- so this is where I’m going to remind you all to actively meditate on keeping yourself open. don’t expect anything, just stay open and ponder what you’d like- and you’ll receive. that’s literally it. you’re in prime manifesting energy with how content and at peace you are in yourself- do you know how much you attract when you do that shit???? remain. open. and. aware. of anything that may happen, even if someone trips in front of you and you gain a brief interaction or someone asks you where to find extra office supplies and you show them the supply closet- see your abundance, allow it, remain without expectations. you are literally in the perfect energy for so much. You guys are definitely the type however to be really fine with only a few close friends you can have some fun with (and or have a nervous breakdown with) and some family… but I think this contentment you have with yourself, might have come from you feeling- misunderstood in your sense of humor or self-expression. I gotta say, you definitely handled that disappointment well, since instead of dulling yourself you just shine more inwardly for your own enjoyment and entertainment- and that’s wonderful! but I do gotta say- I know you can feel a bit, pent up. due to a lot of your big personality being fitted within you, and that’s fantastic truly- but also it has the same effect of being stuck in your house alone for one week too long. maybe that’s why you read when you can- you get to be in a very expansive and wide world that feels different from your own… oh god did I make you yearn???? oops I’m sorry. anyways!!

you’d really thrive in some environment that feels more- “widespread” I suppose, that doesn’t mean cracking yourself open to a room of strangers, I mean just sharing yourself- still from a place of your own entertainment- what I mean is that it’d be really healthy for you to find an outlet for the pent up jitters you get- find it online if you want to try that, try little baby steps, why not?- go on one-time dates just to release a bit of what you keep inside you- interact with random people sitting next to you at bars,- no attachments, just feel out what you feel when you let your inward personality, be more outward- on a lease 🐩. I’m hearing some of you may be a little fearful of attachment even, work that out- that doesn’t mean you’ll then sacrifice your peace, you’ll just gain a wider world for yourself by gaining new connections- and obviously, with the personality and personhood that you have- you can totally just pick and choose who gets to be a part of that world and your time! you owe nothing to anyone. do you have any actual clue how many people are out there, whose perception of you is not just what they observe, but what you actually are? and their perception of you actually helps you and is used to contribute to your happiness and peace??? yea. having actual friends is freaking great. and the more you simply open yourself up to that- while staying aware and choosing who you want- that is going to be the big door that’ll be opened to you- you’ll receive so many amazing experiences and will shift and broaden your world and the worlds of others, you’ll be like a big tree, growing it’s roots around other trees- isn’t that soooo cute??? ok I’m trying to see into the future details in regards to you finding your “tribe”- spirit is honestly wanting things to be vague, so as you can remain open without any expectations. kk? I mean what I mentioned with the earlier situations gives you the clues to follow if you so choose- just be youuuu. you have more opportunities than you realize and you got all the answers to what to do within you. trust me when I say you’ll be running down the street in weird clothes and pearls, scream laughing out of breath with two girls who love you… that’s for someone here and it also applies to everyone here~

okkk pile 2s, it was stimulating being with you I’m nearly sick❤️ BAHAH anyways, in regards to any avoidant/anxious-avoidant attachment issues, just remember that heartbreak sucks, but heartbreak always just makes you hotter, and funnier. you prove that- that outcome is very real every day you exist as yourself… OKKK love you byeee❤️♡

deadass as I channeled this song, I was questioning if it was correct- and I look up to see one of your angel numbers 1212 on the clock- and then again 1221 as I type this lolll

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Once upon a time I thought you wanted me was there no one else to kiss- was it all a dream I let myself believe, I’m not over this, but I’m trying” - “party for one, if you don’t care about me, I’ll just dance with myself, back on my beat- I’ll be the one, if you don’t care about me, making love to myself, back on my beat”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Sometimes all I think about is you- late nights in the middle of June, heat waves been fakin’ me out, can’t make you happier now”

⋆ ˖✮pile 3✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Page of Swords (reversed), Seven of Cups, Six of Cups (reversed), The High Priestess (reversed), The Moon (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio placements, Libra/air placements, Leo/fire Placements, 5th house placements (Venus, Mars, Jupitar, Rising, etc), inner child, old friendships, childhood renewal, 1111, 333, 444, Only Yesterday (1991), horses, channeled songs, Wildflowers and Wild Horses - Lainey Wilson, Cheap Queen - King Princess

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Ok- Hi my pile 3s! and also my pile 2s because some of yall did not leave yet and have stayed for the next reading- like seriously this whole pac is connected rn- also happy 1111 as I write this!!! um oh my gosh let me start- you are so beautiful, yes I said it for the 3rd time in this pac post why are you on my ass‼️- its so true, you all have this classic beauty, it is timeless- you are timeless- or from a different time in your aura, your beauty, how you carry yourself in this world- etc etc… and when I say “different time” I don’t just mean you embody this feminine/masculine balance straight out of the 1970s, 40s, 50s, 20s,- and all the other time periods before/after I just mentioned- I also mean you still carry with you the time you had as a young child, you carry with you the sunshine you felt on your skin when you were 3-6 yo, and the snow you felt on your hands when you were 8-11… you have kept this purity and innocence and grown with it- and holy cow do I need to congratulate you and the strength of your spirit- so often we are forced to “leave behind” our childhood years and perspective due to difficult events or what people expect of you while you reside in this worldly- world. -which really that just means internalizing and hiding away in the closet the purest state of yourself (*also this is my more queer-centric pile so hellooo my fellow queer community ✨☀️)- this is putting a hole in my own heart being in how free and high spirited you are, and how you fully embody that and always have ☀️. you have kept that warmed and soaked up the same sunshine as you did all those years ago- it might not even feel like years to you, it feels like only yesterday your childhood was your state of being and all around you- and now, you are a bit bigger but you may live in this state that no time has passed- does that make sense?? ugh dude I hope so, your energy is like the sunshine, in that, I can’t reach out and physically be in your presence- but more so I’m trying to sit in your light while my vision gets spotty and I get a little dizzy… as in- you guys are out of this worlddd💫!!! you might even be told by your family or your peers that you tend to make them “dizzy” with how you communicate- you may be the type to jump from one topic to another, while you fold your laundry- and tidy your desk drawers- and walk into another room *backward* because you are still talking and describing a detail that is “important” to the story you were recounting 10 minutes ago- you sweet thing!!!! this is adorable to be in,, if anyone’s ever made you feel bad about how you communicate, do not take it personally- its always good karma to be considerate of other’s sensitivities, but everything you do is so pure hearted- it would be so phony and ridiculous to believe any crap people say about you to be truthful. your energy is so pure and truly yours, this is your sign and confirmation to continue to not live for the external views of others and live life through your own view ☀️. Oh- i keep getting horse imagery- horses may be significant for some of you, it may be your spirit animal or a spirit guide that is close to you may take the energetic appearance of a horse (in particular for some of you it’s a very strong and matured brown colored horse of some breed), or some of you grew up around horses in some way!

Oh this is random but you may be the type to enjoy having your playlists on shuffle lol- because I just suddenly began mentally playing Cheap Queen by King Princess- so this is definitely where I will now channel the dets about your social environment my dear~!! ok sooo- I’m seeing various different types of family dymanics, big families, med sized families, even 2 person families (you + a guardian)- I sense that you have close family ties, and i know family can be complex, so let me state some variouions of what that means- you may have a close familiarity to your family’s home or yard (maybe even your neighborhood area), such as knowing every little creak that your house makes when you go to the kitchen to get a morning cup of water, I’m seeing for some of you- you are very tied to your sibling dymamic if you have siblings (I accidently wrote in all caps at first and I scared myself lol- so you may come from a family where loudness is common part of the jokes you share), or maybe even kids you knew in your neighborhood if you played with them often- things like that have stuck with you inrelation to what you look for in anykind of companionship, a sense of familiarity~ this is def the pile who believes in being drawn to your soulmate(s) or past life connections lol~ so while you have that grounded energy in wanting stablity, you also are an entertainer and you know how to have a good time!! as you should since you totally fly like a fabulous canary from room to room- you should feel more confident when you dance btw, put more energy into your shoulders with joy because the way you move literally energizes people-

now I’m getting messages on how you connect to your inner child, I’ve said before you already naturally embody your inner child (“just in a bigger body” I’m hearing- some of you may have had a big physical growth spirut as a child btw), but some messages in regards to connecting to your inner child for those of you who need some answers is to engage in more activities that return yourself to a past peaceful enviroment, this is also for those who had a more chaotic upbringing and had to turn inwardly for peace ❤️- taste is a really important sense for you returning to that younger state of peace, so certain candies (I’m hearing those fruit rollups I love those still) or fruits, snacks- simple dishes that made younger you excited and brought you joy- also I’m hearing something about sleepovers and evening activities/coziness~ so grab some blankets and make an event of staying up late if you already do that lol- anyways!! let me get back to how fun you truly are to be around my dear, I mean, seriously! If you have the opportunity go out when you can, if you already have a friend or someone familiar go to a house party nearby (keep yourselves safe!), try rollerskating if you haven’t, and get closer to someone you already know and show your colors- DRESS UP!!!! I know life can be bleak especially when you feel that life is very "closed off" and dead lol- but when I tell you the phrase “dress for the life you want”- I mean ittt~ it will align you with the environment that you desire and it will come to you so naturally (in the same way you making a coffee and taking your dog for a walk is a natural occurrence in your life!)- I’m hearing that the connections that you already have in your life are “all you need”, and by that I mean you can build off of those and shoot farther into the sky full of stars meant for you 💫. I’m hearing the quote about drawing back your arrow before you can shoot forward- if you’re feeling stuck right now, this is what I’m trying to tell you, blossom exactly where you are right now, and everything else will simply follow!!! and I know that takes courage but I KNOW you have it because it was child you’s courage that got you to this future you are currently in~ and when you start to embody their courage along with their light, I know it will be the turning point to creating the life you were always dreaming and painting in your mind~ I’m seeing bright neon lights, holding hands and toothy-laughing grins, your clothes looking exactly how you pictured months ago- this is what I see happening in the future!! please stay open to some of the connections you already have- renew them is what I’m hearing (but please follow your intuition, if you need to cut everyone except for one or two true connections then that is the right thing for you to do)- if these are people who you knew when you were a lot younger then bond on the older times and use that energy to renew into more new memories,- these older connections you have you could definitely collaborate with to mutually make new connections and go towards new experiences- I’m hearing maybe even to “get out of this town”... phew pile 3!!!! what a way to end this pac, so happy to have met you and I feel like I took a nap in the sun- I’m really on some hazy ish rn lolll but I really hope I was helpful in any questions or worries on your beautiful mind~ I LOVE YOUUU so much, you better keep on shining- even if that’s just in front of your mirror, that’s perfect and valid ☀️👏

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “I'm five generations of blazin' a trail- through barb-wired valleys and overgrown dells- I'm barefoot and bareback and born tough as nails” - “I push like a daisy through old sidewalk cracks” - “yeah, my kinda crazy's still runnin' its courses with wildflowers and wild horses”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “I've been alright, I’ve just been doing the same shit I've always liked- like smoking and movies and homies who bring me wine” - “-all of my girls get up early and stay out late- they drive all the way to the west side to see my face- that's good love- and I ain't no big baller when it's fake friends you're callin’”

⋆ ˖

✮

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️am I actually going to (*schedule to*) post this omg it feels like forever since i did this.. where was i even? whatever- its whatever- holy shit I'm putting myself out there!!!! praise be!!!! omg I'm going to get one extra hour of sleep as a treat🍰

love, vi~♡

[zarnzarn]

About the Reverse Odyssey AU (love it btw), do you think any of the Ithacans start praying to Hephastus? Just in case they can't get Odysseus back to human form, at least they can ask the God of inventing how to build a new palace that's half underwater.

oh god I have to continue that.... i have 3000 wips that ive gotten inspo for all at once are descending on me guys plus I am actively getting a master's degree bear w me for a few days

also OMG fuck yes!!! Ithaka is much more involved in this than in canon since a. they r not down 600 people who are immensely loyal to odysseus b. their king made a direct sacrifice FOR THEM literally no one else would have done this no other king would ever let himself be cursed to save his kingdom c. it's been 10 years and they all find it unjust because they'd all seen him weep as he left and know he and Penelope missed each other like crazy.

(plus he was very young when he took the throne! imagine a 13 year old telling u what to do and then being right. the people of Ithaka must have been very fond of him and most would have seen him as son-adjacent)

so one person has this idea one day, and they take it to the architects, who take it to the blacksmiths, who take it to the ruler of Ithaka. She pursues her lips as she looks at it, teeth grinding at the assumption that they would succeed but not overcome the curse, but allows them to do it.

So they start.

It is harder than their initial ideas demanded. First there is the matter of structures that do not stay down long enough to stick together, then there is the matter of how to secure them. Their dreams of beautiful underwater sculptures fall through as they struggle to conjure up even a basic shelter, even in the summer calm of the waters.

So, desperate and frustrated, they pray to Hephastus.

Ithaka is famous for its dedication to the goddess Athena, most of its temples under the king's ten-year rule being lovingly dedicated to the wisdom goddess. A separate group of smaller temples honors the other gods in the main town; but the main palace and most houses are painted blue and owl feathers and trinkets and sculptures are sold in the main market- the most beautiful of artistry is reserved for Pallas Athene alone.

But the blacksmiths and architects work together to build a small shrine worthy of the inventor god; with hidden catches and rotating idols and the best of their tools and ideas burnt at the fire kept burning at the base of it.

And after a few weeks- Hephaestus blesses them.

(He cannot make up for what he tried to do to Athena in his drunkenness and on Posiedon's inescapable goading. He was young and stupid and hurt and proud and drugged- he thinks she knows this, and has long since let it pass enough to stand beside him without a second thought; but will never be able to get over his shame- so the least he can do is this.)

But Ithaka's artists wake up with the same idea in mind and rush to the shrine in the early hours of the morning to give their thanks. Then they start building- floating large stones down at the far end to mark the range, until they have raised the wall enough to drain out the waters for them to work inside. They work fast, laying down the walls within days, until it joins to where the courtyard of the main palace creeps down the side of the cliff. From the palace itself, a tunnel is dug in the main room, wrapping around the mountain through the softer rock deposits, then travelling down to the sea.

They have the blueprints Odysseus himself had commissioned for his palace, and try to add in the carvings and structures accordingly. They dare not risk more than the smallest of owls carved into the stone entrance, wary of Posiedon's wrath at his rival. They work hard, encouraged by the people, helped by the Trojan heroes themselves- and strangely, their hands never feel tired and the ideas never stop coming.

The first test comes at the start of the monsoons.

The storms roll in angry and strong, battering against the island of Ithaka as furiously as always. When it is done, the architects are dismayed to find their hard-made palace flooded and destroyed, stone displaced or missing, with one collapse of the outside barrier causing three more within.

Dejected, they burn their tools at the temple forge once more, and then go to bed.

That next morning, the youngest of them wakes up with the thought- what if we used metal to hold them together?

The royal family gives them funding once more, and they commission for marble pillars to be sent from the mainland in exchange for their raw materials; these they sink to the bottom and drain the water once more. These pillars are erected and melted into the shifting sand with hot liquid metal, until they fuse into the rock. The roofed ceiling is replaced with live kelp and seaweed, attached to the top of the pillars and bound together. The walls are rebuilt quicker- with more labour coming in when they look closer to success than before, men with guilty eyes and stubborn determination ready to do the back-breaking, risky work.

The whole island holds its breath this time, as the monsoon rolls in and the ships return. The storms roll in and-

The wall has fallen completely, leaving the surroundings unsuitable for them to put it back up, letting the water back in.

But the building stands.

The celebration lasts all day and night, with all the workers being given a place of honor at the palace table itself for dinner. Even the royal family themselves are happy, for all the disappointment of another year of failure, and are grateful in a way that satisfies them more than the money ever could.

Yet there is still the second test- the tunnel to connect to the palace.

The main digging is complete; but as they reach the end they realize they do not know how they will open it to the sea without losing men to the outburst of the sea pouring back in. The Queen twists her lips when they go to her with the problem, thinking.

"This is such a bad idea," One of the men whispers.

"Shh," Eurylochus says, striking another spear into the final barrier. Two men come forward with hammers and push it in further, and they wait until the call comes in from the surface far above from the diver outside that the spear has gone through. "Don't tempt fate."

"You are such a nice, sane man, Eurylochus," One of the men moans despairingly, and he smiles, small. "Why are our royals all mad?"

He laughs, remembering a similar conversation from many years ago. He slips the rope around the loop at the end of the spear, and feels the nostalgia twist into sorrow once more, missing his captain, his general, his brother, his king, his friend. If only he had never kept that cursed bag. If only he had the courage to step forward first, not frozen in fear and shouldered the cost instead like a soldier should for their king, for Odysseus. Had not made mistake after mistake further, ordering Odysseus out of their reach in his panic to get him to the water, not being prepared with a net to catch him both times they'd seen him after.

He kept one on his belt now, at all times.

But until the skies and seas cleared, there was nothing to do except make sure Ody had a home to return to; that he could reach.

"Let's go," Eurylochus exhales, and they all grab the ropes attached to the dozens of spears and make their way back up the winding tunnel as slowly as they can, careful not to step on even one rope or pull too hard, and risk spelling doom for them all. Hearts pounding as they walk in the eerily silent tunnel, the dark taunting them, urging them to run. But they hold their nerve and come out at the pool created inside the main court.

Eurylochus climbs out last from the pool, and smiles up at Ctimene. She looks beautiful in the Ithakan jewels once more, holding herself with more grace and confidence than much richer princesses ever had, anklets tinkling.

She nods and then turns to the rest. "PULL!"

As one, the ropes spring up tight, straining until the spears come loose and men go falling to the floor with shouts. For a second nothing happens.

Then they hear the roaring.

He knows it's water, Eurylochus knows it has to be water- but it still sounds like a hoard of monsters, the shouting of a battlefield, the cyclops when he stole the lives of their friends in his fury. He can't help grabbing his wife and pulling her back, shouting for a retreat as the water rushes through the tunnel and bursts out in a terrible din into the pool, filling it to the top and then overspilling off the sides immediately.

For a heart-stopping moment, Eurylochus watches the water catch onto the feet of the people around, rising and rising, and he remembers Poseidon's cruel smile as he crippled and cursed Eurylochus' brother and thinks it's going to drown us all-

And then the tide recedes, and the water crawls back with it.

The plan worked. The palace of Ithaka now creeps down into the sea, enticing their wayward king to find his way back home, swim back to them and be happy, even if they never solved his curse.

All they have to do now is wait.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. do RS defenders realize the issue is in the fact that, despite being a woman who claims to be a progressive feminist marketing herself to be making a progressive, feminist "reclaiming" of mythology, her work and actions being indistinguishable from awful male writers is?? really bad?? the "if the roles were reversed" argument is to point out her and her work is really no different from the same misogynistic, bigoted men and their stories that she and her fans claim she and LO are better then.

2. The thing is an age gap isn't the actual issue, the issue is the fact Persephone was made A TEENAGER who looks/acts even younger and even in comic it was found gross, THAT's why people were and still are grossed out by it and find Rachel's insistences "subverting it" questionable at best, and an outright lie at worse. This especially is more pointed with the timeskip, because Persephone still looks/acts the same as she did at 19, so it just makes you wonder WHY Rachel made her 19 to begin with.

3. Ok but it IS important to point out how the double standards within LO and RS and especially the fact she is a rich white woman who wants the praise of being progressive and feminist yet her actual actions and story do not show that. We also have to point this out because of how she and her fans weaponize this to say any legitimate criticism is merely "hating women", over the fact she DOES promote and do harmful things other creators (like queer and BIPOC creators) dont get to "grow" from

4. I'm sorry if this comes across as racist. That is not my intention. I hate the human skin colors Rachel Smythe uses. They look unnatural. Like paper grocery bags or potato wedges from KFC.

5. If 10 years passed, shouldn't Dionysus already be born? Semele died? I feel like RS forgot about a whole Olympian God. 🤨

6. I'm reading the comments on Rachel's insta, with the fast pass showing the pink nymth, and the comments speak volumes. Everyone's questioning if it's another lover, or someone is trying to seduce Hades, or Kronos is possessing him (??), Some fans even talk about getting anxiety/blood pressure spikes. Wow... It's almost as if a trama bonded relationship isn't stable. It's almost as if Hades has been unfaithful to past lovers. As if there's a pattern here that makes the readers want to blame the nymth (who has NO voice lines yet, btw. Their attacking her for putting her hand out (smug) and showing side boob (telling her to cover up? That's ironic)) rather than Hades himself. You know. The other person in their relationship. And don't even tell me they're not official yet, I'm tired of beating around the bush, Persephone is literally the queen of the underworld. 

7. Do LO fans know that flipping out over even potential other women in Hades' life, despite the fact the whole selling point is knowing Hades and Persephone ends up together, only gives the impression they're not confident in their relationship to begin with? Like yall know they end up together, there's absolutely no reason to flip out at the inclusion of a random woman other than they knowingly or not think the couple is too weak too stand on their own (also misogyny but that's a different convo)

8. Not to be a nerd or anything, but I think LO completely mixed up Kronos and Chronos. The former is the titan of harvest and leader of said titans, while the latter is the personification of time. Similar names, but distinctly separate entities.

-----SA Discussion Below-----

9. Yeah it's hard to say RS is a staunch supporter of SA victims and takes the topic seriously/handles it with care when she made Arion and the result of his birth a child support "joke" when the actual mythology is Demeter being violently r*ped. It's honestly disgusting the fans defend it as "just a joke' while claiming the series stands up for victims. No, it stands up for CERTAIN victims, the rest, what, "deserved" it? Especially Demeter because she's not their "precious cinnamon roll"?

10. The issue with the SA plot too is she uses it to push P towards Hades, but then also can’t just have them jump into bed because of the obvious barriers there from the assault, so she’s basically stuck in this bizarre juggling act where she wants to be praised as this “serious writer who tackles serious issues” yet does nothing because she just wants to draw them boning but can’t because she doesn’t know how to handle SA & its trauma without ignoring it outright, so she doesn’t tackle it anyway!

[sugar-petals]

Can we get a new Tarot reading for Yuzuru please

yes, our boy! new format:

YUZURU HANYU: Tarot Q&A Session (Multi-Topic)

questions covered: his programs & practice, the olympics, social environment, future plans, predictions

is he working on a new program currently?

THE CHARIOT (r) - plans on pause. yuzu hasn’t entered creative mode and victory drive yet. analyzes mistakes in former programs.

how does he feel about uniting with brian/the coaches?

THE EMPRESS - happy, blessed. enjoys the fruitful work. feels very comfortable and taken care of. missed tracy taking him under her wing.

how does he feel about his skating these days?

TEN OF SWORDS - defeated and struck down, he is not content with getting silver. yuzu is currently devastated 😔he hit rock bottom and replays his falls.

what will his olympic program be like?

TWO OF WANDS (r) - something extra fiery, mad, ultra competitve. aries energy gone rogue. the opposite of seimei. less dramatism, lot of action. bulldozing everything in his way. power flex, he burns it all to the ground. people will think he lost his mind, we’ll see extreme aggression in his movements. no more sweet elegance, it’s gonna be an explosion nobody can handle. goddamn, yuzu will stop playing.

result of the olymics?

THE LOVERS - success! his peak. podium for sure. yuzuru is showered with love. adorable sportsmanship. javi could be there for a reunion. a big choice to make. maybe a partner reveal, an engagement, collab, or love triangle. in any way, the result will be positive.

overall mood in team japan right now?

THE DEVIL (r) - liberated. casting away anger, old habits and obsessions/illusions. blowing off steam, moving on from worlds.

how are the chances of him landing the quad axel?

TEN OF CUPS - yes! he’ll complete his journey. in a wholesome way, like the birth of his baby so to speak. can land it healthily. his parents are proud. big hugs. very good sign.

in what state of mind is yuzuru currently?

PAGE OF COINS (r) - deflated, lax: yuzu has a hard time practicing, needs motivation to be diligent and learn new things.

what would he want to tell fans?

SEVEN OF CUPS - "anything could happen. anything could be a pipe dream. things are uncertain for now. i have many options to carry on."

how's his body?

EIGHT OF WANDS (r) - his energy feels delayed, slower than usual. he feels he lacks energy to generate speed on the ice.

yuzu's thoughts about his olympics preparation?

TEMPERANCE - calm. he's realistic and 50-50 about everything. manages his emotions about it, no extreme nervousness. he tries things out, wants the prep to be balanced.

is he romantically involved at this time?

NINE OF COINS (r) - nope. this card in reverse talks about renouncing from pleasure and even loss. he could've broken up with someone.

family life?

JUDGEMENT (r) - he keeps a lot of stuff from work hidden, things are routine, no new things going on.

psychologically, what is his primary goal?

KNIGHT OF WANDS - yes, a burst of excited, chaotic energy. achieving the 4A, being more competitive and impulsive. he wants to be bolder on the ice.

will he retire after the olympics or stay in competition as before?

FIVE OF CUPS (r) - will retire and rebuild. moves on from guilt and sadness about it, recovers, reaches acceptance. heals an old wound, probably the earthquake’s emotional repercussions. new chapter.

how will he be like as a coach starting out?

KNIGHT OF COINS (r) - yuzu won’t be confident and up to date to get good results/goal-setting at first. chaos, lack of perseverance, and instability reigns in the camp 🙁doesn’t yet know how to involve himself and be a reliable rock to his students since he’s so used to being the student himself. might not pick this career.

who could be a successful skater he’s coaching, how will they be like? 

SIX OF SWORDS (r) - someone who ironically refuses his help and doesn’t change their technique. his most successful student will be the one he cannot mentor and bring forward, very interesting. a rebel. this card also might indicate he’s not coaching kids at all like the previous card.

as he plans to found a family, how will his marriage go if he finds someone?

QUEEN OF SWORDS (r) - not so well. drama and malice ensues. dependence instead of divorce, regretting the choice, cruelty, a mess 😨in any way, a non-logical decision takes place and he’s attached to the wrong person. might even choose not to marry in the first place: as there’s lack of career support from her and he is antagonized in some way. 

who will be his spouse?

THE WORLD - someone accomplished and well-travelled, they got it all, very known in their field. looks-wise, blue eyes, long red (?) hair in two braids. famous for red/white outfit. card also shows 3 possible options actually.

if he has kids as he plans, how will they be like?

KING OF SWORDS (r) - they won’t like their celeb status and be cynical, try to get their power back. lack of structure. yuzu might even be too busy to raise them. however, the card speaks against fatherhood to begin with.

if he doesn’t marry but finds a partner, who’s he dealing with?

SEVEN OF COINS - someone who’s future-oriented, waits, it’s an LTR. someone patient. no rush takes place. looks: brunette, short hair, relaxed clothing (beige, blue).

what’s their dynamic? 

STRENGTH - very durable union. banter, confident relationship. it’s a dynamic of, they tame me. stable headstrong theme there. way more wholesome than the marriage question before 😅

where will he be based in the future?

EIGHT OF SWORDS - a country with cliffs, at a large river. the uk or so? will be stuck there for a while in some way.

what’s the next thing we’ll hear about yuzu?

QUEEN OF WANDS (r) - he will talk about feeling less passionate/feeling jealous and isolating himself, and how he struggles to succeed 😢there won’t be good news currently, he won’t socialize.

how will he recover from his dissatisfaction?

KING OF WANDS - by being yuzu: industrious, proud, and larger than life. will get up again to be the boss of his field as always, and dominate the figure skating scene. ambition explosion. takes responsibility. so not to worry, his charisma returns. 👍

[baekhvuns]

Myeong-dong is HEAVEN or maybe it's actually hell lmao for people who love spending money (me). Seoul is really fun, it's not my first time visiting but this time I will have more opportunities to see all the places in peace - at least I hope so. I'm also planning on visiting some spots I've seen in Korean variety and dramas.

Okay, well I'm a Stay too, so let me 👀 that fic even though I don't read for SKZ often.

DL was a video game at first and I tried playing because VAMPIRES, but it was awful truly, it's not only bad but just very gross and toxic. I know the girl ended up with one of the guys eventually - ofc she did.

I hate my mind, because I will never write those stories and I can't just force other people to write them for me. 😭

Btw I started reading Pharaoh's Concubine even though I have other webtoon updates to catch up with. So far so good, I've always been into ancient history but I don't see many stories taking place in that period of time. So many of the fanfiction I'm reading remain not updated wtf is this a curse, lol? I was spoiled for a while, I got used to weekly updates I guess. 😭 I'm impatiently waiting for you to drop your Hwa fic! - DV 💖

HIHI <3

Myeong-dong is HEAVEN or maybe it's actually hell lmao for people who love spending money (me). Seoul is really fun, it's not my first time visiting but this time I will have more opportunities to see all the places in peace - at least I hope so. I'm also planning on visiting some spots I've seen in Korean variety and dramas.

IVE HEARD SO MUCH ABT IT !!!! omg but that’s so fun,,, no bc same id spend so much bc everything there is packaged so prettily ,,,,,, one of my friends is going there for the exchange and i have a few friends in sk and i ALWAYS see them at myeong-dong or hannam-dong side (as in posts) & they’re always dressed like next level— and it excites me bc they look so pretty BESTIE IF U GO HANAM DONG UN VILLAGE I WILL WRITE U THAT HWA FASHION DESIGNER FIC WITH THAT BAEK SONG I WILL !!!!! I WILL!!!!

AAAAAAAAA KDRAMA SPOTS IF U GET A CHANCE PLS GO TO THE MOON LOVERS ONE 😭😭😭😭 live the yn there where ur king hwa patiently waits for u to return <3 i think the place is baekje land? it has a museum inside (u will literally live the y/n im writing atm omg)

Okay, well I'm a Stay too, so let me 👀 that fic even though I don't read for SKZ often.

YES OFC here’s the collab post so many good ones here 🤌🏼🤌🏼 omfg there’s a hwa x reader x yunho oruan high schio- im gonna- cry

DL was a video game at first and I tried playing because VAMPIRES, but it was awful truly, it's not only bad but just very gross and toxic. I know the girl ended up with one of the guys eventually - ofc she did.

aWFULL the anime idk how ppl like it i can’t even stand it,, downright disgusting tbh 😭😭 like she just??? gave herself up???? 😭😭😭 i debated for a long time if it was just pwp i think it is— SHE ENDED UP WITH A GUY???

I hate my mind, because I will never write those stories and I can't just force other people to write them for me. 😭

HFKWHDKWDHKW ME TOO BUT I GIVE MY PLOTS AWAY TO PPL SO THEY CAN WRITE bc sometimes i be wanting to see them just not from my writing also bestie ik u like it when the roles r reversed in a fic, i forgot to mention i have a san wip! it’s where he’s reader’s younger brothers friend (3 year age difference) and san has had a FAT FAT crush on the reader fbwmfjsk

Btw I started reading Pharaoh's Concubine even though I have other webtoon updates to catch up with. So far so good, I've always been into ancient history but I don't see many stories taking place in that period of time.

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD U DO ITS A RLY GOOD ONE 😭😭😭😭 yeah me too!! it’s i think my first and only story that took place in like egyptian period of time,, plus it’s all finished so even better !!!!

So many of the fanfiction I'm reading remain not updated wtf is this a curse, lol? I was spoiled for a while, I got used to weekly updates I guess. 😭 I'm impatiently waiting for you to drop your Hwa fic! - DV 💖

NAURRR LITERALLY IM SO USED TO THE WEEKLY UPDATES THESE ONES GET ME SO IMPATIENT 😭😭🔫 omg bestie i will deliver this like very soon bc it’s almost near the end thank u 😭😭😭💓✨💓

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 280: I Am Red Riot

Previously on BnHA: The pro heroes over at Gunga Mountain struggled against Gigantomachia and the League until finally Midnight was all, “fuck it, let’s just put the kids in charge.” Momo immediately got to work organizing a sophisticated counteroffensive involving an exploding swamp, a bunch of sedative cans, and a massive coordinated team attack. I gotta tell you guys, it’s really something to watch a large-scale group attack in which all of the team members are actually competent. I don’t know what Japan put in the water when all these sixteen-year-olds were growing up, but that shit has paid off big time, and basically the only reason Machia hasn’t gone down yet is because he cheated and was all “sneeze” and the kids all got blown away because they are little and because he is really, really big. Anyway so then Dabi set the forest on fire because he loves doing that, and the chapter ended with Mina using her Acid Man attack to make herself FUCKIN’ FIREPROOF so she could charge through the woods ready to save the day and stuff!

Today on BnHA: Mina launches herself straight at Machia like the beautiful corrosive wild child she is, but then everything goes to shit when she recognizes him from that one time she almost got murdered while giving a strange man directions. Just when it’s looking like she might get killed for real this time, KIRISHIMA SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY AND SHOVES HER TO SAFETY AND IS ALL “BOTTOMS UP” AND HEAVES A LITERAL CAN OF WHOOPASS RIGHT IN MACHIA’S MOUTH. At this point the grown-ups are all “oh wow look at that, time for us to take over for you kids now, don’t worry we’ve got it all under control” because Oh Those Wacky Pros and all that, but at least Majestic finally deigns to show his face so that’s a plus! The chapter ends with us cutting back to the Jakku battle, where Tomura is curled up in a little ball all “curse you heroes, how dare you [checks notes] save people all the time”, which is a real take and a half. Anyway so things are looking up, which can only mean everyone is about to die. That’s how it works, right. Shit.

HOLY SHIT LOL

THIS IS MINA. SHE’S REALLY COOL AND SHE CAN MELT PEOPLE. um, the hell kind of tagline is that?? holy fucking shit?? “melt and succumb”?? IS THE SUCCUMB PART REALLY NECESSARY. IS THAT NOT ALREADY IMPLIED. it’s like saying “die and then perish”, which actually sounds really badass and I’m about to make it my new go-to threat actually so you know what never mind. where the fuck were we anyway

“IS EVERYONE SAFE” some absurdly bad-at-gauging-situations kid from class B is yelling while the forest is on fire and all the kids are recovering from having been catapulted fifty miles by King Dodongo’s windy yeet breath. of course they are safe, sweet child. of course everyone is absolutely fine, why the fuck would they possibly not be safe after something like that

KAMINARI NOOO MY POOR SWEET BABY

AT LEAST HE’S STILL CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE STUPID JOKES. holy shit this baby got concussed to hell and back and then Machia turned him and the others into precipitation and he wasn’t in any kind of state to even try to land safely, I hope to god someone caught him

Sero is all “is there anyone still in range!” and damn, I like that he’s taking charge and trying to regain their momentum. he is so criminally underrated. I feel like he’s in the top six or seven of class 1-A kids who I would most trust to take charge. which is very high praise because that class has a lot of charge-taking kids

SPEAKING OF

it “probably” can’t get through her acid, she says. my god. sometimes the spirit of Plus Ultra just takes ahold of these kids and it’s like, I want to ruffle their hair proudly and then grab them by the shoulders and shake them vigorously because WHERE EVEN IS YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION WHY DO NONE OF YOU HAVE IT GODDAMMIT AIZAWA REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPELLED YOU GUYS AFTER ALL

man. and yet I really do love this “be the one who can do it” stuff. what a heroic fucking attitude dfjfklks. I’ll just go put on my humongous sandwich board that reads GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITE and go stand in the corner

damn it this week’s scan is annoyingly dark, it’s really hard to tell what’s going on but it looks like the pros are attacking Machia and the League at long last. way to go guys it only took you seven years but you finally hopped to it

MINA WHY IS THE ACID COMING OFF OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. PUT IT BACK!!!

I KNOW SHE’S NOT GONNA DIE DAMMIT BUT AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH

okay what the hell is up with these weird zen proverbs though

“your fear stricken heart”, “the shortest path”, what the fuck even is this. whose thoughts are these. normally these translations are honestly decent enough but I gotta say this time around I’m totally being thrown for a loop lmao

(ETA: FYI I’m only just now realizing that he was saying the shortest path to Master, as in Tomura, not “master” as in to master something fjkldjskf lol some delayed reading comprehension there. so basically he’s just bitching about how annoying these little “flies” are proving to be.)

JESUS CHRIST

okay is it just me, or is Gigantomachia suddenly showing intelligence in his eyes instead of mindless animal instinct the single most pants-shitting thing you’ve ever seen?!! holy shit. the way he just LOOKS at her out of nowhere all of a sudden?? holy fucking shit DO NOT HURT MT. LADY OH MY GOD I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AND DON’T YOU DARE HURT MINA EITHER!! JUST FUCKING DIE AND PERISH

but also though, is that recognition in Mina’s eyes?? because even though this dude is 80 feet tall now, her encounter with him a couple years back had to have been one of the more memorable experiences of her young life. damn I was wondering when this would finally come into play

OKAY YES THE NEXT PAGE IS A FLASHBACK OH SHIT

this has nothing to do with anything but Mina just has the prettiest hair, btw, and this “just woke up covered in acid” look is a particularly good one on her. it looks so soft and fluffy, like damn. this is like Shouto-hair-billowing-in-the-wind levels of pretty here

NOOOOO

oh my god holy shit?! putting her back in the school uniform to show the slip in her mentality is a PUNK MOVE, HORIKOSHI, and I respect the shit out of you for it you manipulative bastard. goddammit. bracing myself for the incoming wave of Mina feels... here they come... they’re a lot... let’s see if I can latch on to anything I can actually figure out how to describe in words

okay well here’s one, my respect for Mina’s bravery just went up like a thousand percent in this instant, because now we know this was actually such a traumatizing event for her that hearing Machia’s voice again years later immediately sent her into a full-blown flashback. she was that scared and yet she still stood up to him and didn’t hesitate. and now I’m remembering how her knees just buckled right afterwards, and just...

and this visual, though!! what a brutally effective way to show that in her mind she went right back to being that scared middle schooler again for a moment. god fucking damn. holy shit you guys is Kirishima fireproof because if he comes waltzing out of the woods next I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. lolo kids getting traumatized left and right this arc is fucking merciless

um eXCUSE ME!?!?!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LET GO OF HER RIGHT NOW OR I AM GONNA LOSE IT!!

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

holy shit he could have fucking snapped her neck like that??! I don’t like this at ALL WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SERIOUSLY

I’M GONNA NEED ANOTHER KID TO STEP IN HERE WITH A LAST MINUTE SAVE LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I AM GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND MOVE TO THE DESERT AND BECOME A HERMIT AND NEVER READ MANGA ON THE INTERNET AGAIN

OH THANK GOD

TODAY WE SPELL “REDEMPTION” K-I-R-I... ETC. THERE’S A LOT OF LETTERS BUT YOU GET THE DRIFT!!!

holy fucking shit y’all. I mean, it’s not like it came out of nowhere, like the setup could not have been more obvious, but let me assure you that none of the predictability lessened the actual impact of this moment in the SLIGHTEST. Horikoshi really wrote a flashback scene one hundred and thirty five chapters ago and planted it, watered it once a day, and patiently waited for THREE LONG YEARS until he could finally harvest the badass fruits of his labor in the midst of his most epic arc to date. I’m so fucking hyped I’ll even forgive him for sacrificing Mina’s big moment and having her get rescued, because it’s such a good reversal. he didn’t freeze up this time. he promised himself he’d never freeze again and he didn’t and he saved her and god fucking damn. anyways so now Machia is going to treat him like a fucking action figure though but he’s a solid little dude he can take it hopefully

NO WHAT IS THIS!!! STOP KILLING MY MOOD!!!

she better not be dead!! SHE BETTER NOT FUCKING BE DEAD I WILL RUN MY PC THROUGH A PAPER SHREDDER AND GO AND LIVE ALONE WITH MY FEELS ON A MOUNTAIN IN TIBET

CHINTETSU!!

well we know he’s fireproof. another callback at the least expected of times lmao

so Tetsu’s all “yeah Kirishima’s not really all that fireproof but he totally ran over here anyway to save you. oh wait that probably wasn’t very comforting of me to say.” maybe that’s why it seems like he might not have actually said it out loud, now that I’m reading this over again. good call Tetsu

ARE YOU STANDING UP AND CASUALLY STRETCHING OUT YOUR BACK

I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS GUY RIGHT NOW. WE’RE REACHING LEVELS OF HATRED RESERVED FOR NAZIS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK TOO SLOWLY IN FRONT OF ME IN A GROUP SHOULDER TO SHOULDER INSTEAD OF SINGLE FILE SO I CAN PASS IN FRONT OF THEM. YOU’RE A FUCKING TOURIST IN NYC YOU PIECE OF SHIT

lmao he’s just dropping this random hero person and letting him fall to his doom wheeeeee

remind me to leave all of the League of Villains’ texts on read for the foreseeable future. goddamn. I still love you guys but also, fuck you so damn hard

OHO A LIL RED SCALY BOI ISN’T DONE YET!!

real talk, just between you and me, I’ll lower my voice so that Kirishima can’t hear. so uh. we all agree that even if Kiri is fireproof and squishproof, that little can of tranquilizer juice technically shouldn’t have been, right? but we’re all going to hush and pretend like it was anyway for the sake of not spoiling his big moment. even though I am crossing my arms and tapping my chin with my finger while doubtfully glancing to the side

anyway here he goes!

YEAH KIRI GO GETTIM [stage whisper] there it is, in his pocket. should’ve burned. we won’t discuss it

OH FOR FUCK’S

TOGA YOU LITTLE WIENER BUT WHAT’S THIS ABOUT “MY HALF” NOW????

DID HE GRAB MINA’S MID-AIR?? IS HE REALLY REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET AND FUCKING UNZIPPING IT RIGHT NOW WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING AND PRESUMABLY FALLING THROUGH THE AIR. DID A LITTLE BIT OF OCHAKO’S QUIRK RUB OFF ON YOU OR WHAT

OH SNAP SON HE REALLY DID THE THING HOLY SHIT???

AND TOKAGE FLEW OVER AND SAVED HIM AND NOW TANKS ARE SHOOTING AT MACHIA, LMAO WHAT IS THIS. MOMO HOW MANY GUNS DID YOU MAKE

Shouji standing there trying to be useful any way he can. are eyeballs really that much more effective if you make them the size of tennis balls and hold them up above your head. legit question, I don’t really know how eyes work

okay after 45 seconds of googling this my impression is that no, they are not. well good on you for giving it the old college try anyway though Shouji

oH MY GODLKDLK?!?!

DID SHE SAY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID, DID SHE SAY MAJESTIC, ARE WE GONNA SEE MASJKESLTKCI DSFLKJL

oh my god he really is the Magic Man dude??? TIME TO DUST OFF MY INVENTORY OF ADVENTURE TIME QUOTES

(ETA: AHH FATGUM AND GANG ORCA ARE THERE TOO YESSSS!)

“that’s enough depending on some interns” oh, okay. now that they’ve done all your work for you. I see, I see

so now Gigantomachia is LITERALLY UNHINGING HIS JAW I can’t fucking believe this dude you guys. everything he does is just like, ARE YOU SERIOUS

please go to sleep already. thanks to you I have my keyboard set to capslock as the default for the duration of this chapter

ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU FUCKING WAITED UNTIL MAGIC FUCKING MAN SHOWED UP TO TEACH US MAGICAL LIFE LESSONS AND NOW YOU’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TOMURA FIGHT?? WHY DO WE KEEP LETTING THIS MAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

oh my god you guys they really fucking did it

I guess that Howitzer slash fire punch combo really was that potent huh

anyway so now Endeavor is standing there making a big speech instead of reaching into Tomura’s pocket and taking the bullets that he doesn’t know about and shooting him with one asap. dammit Endeavor

aaaaand Tomura is firing back with the wisdom of Shimura Fucking Kotaro of all people

well you sure convinced me. damn I don’t know what I was thinking. heroes suck you guys. how dare they help other people all the time

so now he’s all “PERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT!!”

take that Endeavor. you heard the man. it’s not destruction without conviction, as god as his witness he will have you know it is destruction WITH conviction. something something the great sage Shimura “I hurt my family for absolutely no reason at all, fuck this ‘helping others’ bullshit” Kotaro. I hope you packed your textbooks because you just got SCHOOLED. I hope the person who ordered you signed up for delivery notifications because you just got SENT. I HOPE YOU LIKE CAPITALISM BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT OWNED. I HOPE YOU CHOSE PAPER AND NOT SCISSORS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT ROCKED

what an absolutely, unreservedly bizarre place to end the chapter lol. we’re really just done with this week, just like that. Majestic showed up and Gigantomachia opened his chin like a garage door and Tomura is all “you may have won the battle but you suck” while he buys time for Aizawa to suddenly sneeze or something so he can make his terrible comeback and continue Horikoshi’s Traumatize Every Kid in Class 1-A 2020 campaign. what an arc this is my friends. what an arc

[kidalias]

Weird Dream I Had

Had a crazy awesome weird dream. It started with me and a ton of friends (none of which I recognized) in some kind of contest or working on some project where we were supposed to make a certain length video for a comedy YouTube channel. We separated into sub-groups each meant to provide a certain chunk of time to the video. We were all in some large alleyway, and in the lore of the dream it’s common knowledge that we have funny memories with a boiler out in the alley so no one chooses to do any jokes with it because we all expect the others to. So my group is stuck with filling a missing 3-4 mins. for the video, and I suggest we do improv sketches at one of the ends of the alley. I have some bad ideas, and I scrap them before sharing what want to do with the group. We start and then mid-bit the dream morphs to show a bunch of weird cartoon/anime-lookin humanoid things and they have this squishy gummy quality. (The dream has shifted from Live Action to Animation now). They’re all lined up on their backs side to side shoulder to shoulder with each wearing a jumpsuit having a main color of R, O, Y, G, B, Cyan, or I (No Violet for some reason) and white as the second color for all of them. Then they turn on their sides, but not like on their own. They turn like they’re being turned. The 2D animation was actually really smooth. This reveals each of them had a line of previously unseen giant red dots going straight down their side. Then in First-Person I jump on them and they squash and stretch then the red dots shoot up like spikes. It’s like they’re being stretched into the night sky. (Side Note: Holy shit I’m remembering right now that the dream started in the middle of the day and time was actually passing!) I’m not skewered by them as they fly up, and the bodies are 100% unaffected by the physics of this. Then there’s a fade or a cut to all the bodies standing upright facing the same direction on my right and an identical set that’s smaller on my left facing them, but they reversed order so the red one is the closest one to me. There are no red dots anymore. (we’re still in the alley btw) The Trash Taste Podcast starts and I hear Garnt ask “So what did you think of the Eva remake? Did they make the fuckin’ new squishy western animation work?”

Connor “Did it work? No! Of course it didn’t fuckin’ work. It’s fuckin’ shit, man!”

Garnt and Joey laugh

Joey through the laughter “Oh what you didn’t like tiny Shinji running around on older Shinji?”

At this point Rexplosion from Invincible pops out and he’s the size of Ant-man as he walks around on the red suit humanoid to my right which I guess means he’s playing Shinji in my dream and these things are Evas? And also the ones to my right reversed order so the red one is the closest to me like the ones on the left.

Connor “It’s so fuckin’ stupid, man.”

Garnt “Didn’t they have, like, an incredible 3D model there?”

Connor “Yeah. One thing I’ll say I liked was the cell shaded animated tiny Shinji looked fuckin’ beautiful, man. It was so smooth it was like watching the smoothest 2D animation.”

This is true. All of this is being said as I watch Rex run around on “Older Shinji’s” shoulders and the cell shaded animation is amazing. I think in the lore of my dream it’s implied that the story of this Eva movie they’re talking about is about a new generation of Eva pilots being mentored by the original cast while they’re older. So maybe Joey was calling Rex “Tiny Shinji” Because this movie wrote him as a successor to the actual Shinji. Idunno. Although, I will say, while I have yet to watch a single episode of Eva or even a review for fear of spoilers, this movie my dream crafted is probably the worst of the worst things someone could do with this series. The most in depth takes I’ve gotten ever about the series were offhand remarks in videos on other anime, random comments on YouTube, exactly 2 episodes of Game Grumps, and Trash Taste Podcast episode #66.

There’s more ribbing and banter that I don’t remember and then I woke up.

[wedreamedlove]

Xu Mo - Character Study

Preserving this from Reddit. But the comments are always interesting, so I’m dropping the link here.

This post will include content up to Chapter 18. Plus some calls, dates, and ASMR in the CN server. I always quote from JP and CN (because I have major issues with Elex’s translation).

Also, this is an extremely long post. Last I checked it was about 7,500 words so get comfortable if you’re going to read this LOL.

BASICS

First, I don't think I'd be wrong in saying Xu Mo's character is the most polarizing out of the four men and I believe this is due in large part to cultural differences and how the localization handled that. Putting aside my constant harping about subtleties being dropped, I was enlightened by @sharinluna about an aspect I didn't consider, which is Xu Mo's "social class".

Face, social status, rank, and hierarchy are - and still is - very important in Chinese culture. Easy examples people can relate to are respecting elders and the prestige of being a doctor, banker, lawyer, etc. But I can't stress enough the reverence that is given to these "high" social statuses. How this applies to Xu Mo is that he comes from a lineage of literati that would place him as someone in an upper class status, in addition to his own achievements.

Xu Mo was born from a scholarly family. His parents were highly talented and leading researchers.

In the eyes of the public, Xu Mo is a young and remarkable neurologist and a guest professor at Lianyu University. He is serious and persistent towards his scientific research, which is how he's obtained extraordinary achievements. At 26 years old, he has already obtained achievements that most people wouldn't get in a lifetime. There is no other word better to describe him than "genius".

[CN Profile Translation]

The English definition of literati leads you to intellectuals, but this doesn't carry the weight and history of how literati, or basically scholar-officials, were people appointed by the emperor to carry out day-to-day duties and to help govern the country. I guess the equivalent would be a noble who carries out noblesse oblige. Cultured people with scholarly achievements were very respected in historical China and also acted as role models for the common people.

So, going back to Xu Mo, because we're in modern times and he doesn't have an overtly obvious title (to those not in his field of work) he just comes off as a gentle, unassuming, humble, scholar with an air of sophistication and professionalism from his background. Think of a noble, without any airs.

This is reflected in his polite and modest speech (I will be bringing an updated post on this over to Tumblr to go into more detail about modal particles; the important thing is that Xu Mo NEVER smirks unless he's Ares and even that could just be a cold smile). Not to mention all the descriptions about his elegance and refinement. Heck, he even has a Chinese tea ceremony set in his room, including the tools to make tea [CN "In His World" Event].

Xu Mo's classiness, for a lack of a better word, also emphasizes the purposeful contrast of seeing him do common, mundane things. Like watching cartoons to understand humans better [CN Profile]. It's like how Li Zeyan, with his more understandable poshness from his riches, would be contrasted with mundane things. But, if we were looking for another analogy, Xu Mo would be old elegance and Li Zeyan would be nouveau elegance.

Anyway, Xu Mo also has another trait given to him that's a classic in female-oriented Chinese media and that's being a "black belly; 腹黑". For those who are more familiar with Japanese, it's basically the same word as "haraguro; 腹黒".

Black bellies are people who act nice and unassuming on the outside, but they're sly and manipulative (and at times cruel) on the inside or in secret to other people.

Essentially, they're two-faced but while English has a negative connotation with this word it's normal and accepted in Asia (likely because of the concept of face). The majority of male leads in Chinese novels are all black bellies. BTW, the origin of the word comes from how you only notice their black belly after you're eaten up by them LOL.

So, how this works in female-oriented media is... well, there's many combinations. For example, they can be nice to everyone, including the heroine, but secretly vicious against those who hurt the heroine. Or they're nice in public, but show their sly cunning to the heroine. Mix it however you want! They also like to tease the heroine in all sorts of ways, like leading them into verbal traps to see them flustered.

There's some crossover with black bellies being abusive, cruel, or yandere towards their heroine, but it's not necessary for black bellies to be like that. Just think of these as being Venn diagram circles with overlap [example of a sweet black belly is Xiao Nai from the Chinese drama LoveO2O, also a novel].

Returning to the main topic, you can easily see how this applies to Xu Mo. He's nice and elegant... except for when he's not. It's how he can have this gentle and refined air, but then turn around and be a massive flirt and tease with the heroine (flashing his black belly). Then he goes and turns completely black when he's Ares LOL.

Now, after giving background on Xu Mo's character archetype, let's move onto my other sections.

MAN OF JUXTAPOSITIONS

I wanted to call this section "man of contradictions" at first, but then I thought that might mislead people. Basically, this is all about how Xu Mo is a man of dualities.

[Main Story 13-22] The scarred man describes Ares as being the only person who can be trusted in BS, and yet Ares doesn't hesitate to go against Hades and incapacitate him. I'd argue that this places a wrench in BS' operations, so there goes being the most trustworthy person in BS (although, granted, BS sounds like they're a writhing mess of people with their own thoughts and ideas about how it should be run).

Xu Mo is a gentle teacher to MC, patient and taking the time to explain concepts she doesn't understand or provide novel ideas to her; however, he also gives her the worst betrayal and you can almost call this the harshest of lessons.

For all his image of being an intellectual scholar, as I've mentioned in the previous section, Xu Mo is surprisingly "physical". [CN Archery Date] shows that he's ripped and knows a taxing sport like archery, and in [Main Story 16-22] he straight up kills the goons with ice shards (even if it's in a mental arena).

[Main Story 8-23 & 9] bombards you with light and shadow descriptions. Actually, this imagery follows Xu Mo everywhere but it's most prominent in these chapters. He's always standing at the intersection of light and shadow, or light shines down on one of his sides but casts the other in shadow.

[Main Story 9-14] I will be forever salty for Elex dropping the ball here, but Xu Mo's eyes are described to contain a sense of humanness and life. Then, in [Main Story 12-22] he is described to have an expression lacking any emotion and human warmth. Human descriptions contrasted with inhuman descriptions.

Mm, you just have to love delicious juxtapositions and how it emphasizes his duality of being both Xu Mo and Ares. Two sides of the same coin.

Once again, I didn't want to call these contradictions because I don't believe one of these negates the other. It's like how we code switch in different scenarios. You can be a nice person, but vicious when your bottom line is crossed.

These sides of Xu Mo don't overturn the core of his character or his through line: loving the MC, ruthlessly ambitious for the sake of his goals, and naturally gentle (shown in the way he treats animals and people not in the way of his goal).

But, if you do insist on seeing one side of these as lies, then Xu Mo once said:

"Besides, lies have just as much power as the truth. The true nature of things can be indirectly reflected in the world of lies [...] It is because these lies exist, that one can get closer to the truth."

[Main Story 12 Call: Truth and Fiction]

REVERSING "GOOD" IMAGERY

I haven't been quiet at all about how much I love the evocative imagery Xu Mo gets, but an interesting thing I've noticed is how "positive" imagery is twisted into "negative" imagery when it comes to him. It's brilliant.

[Main Story 13-8] MC leaves the building, after interviewing the elevator Evolver man with Xu Mo, and dazzling light shines down on her, yet she can't feel the slightest bit of warmth. This chapter literally sets up Xu Mo's reveal as Ares through positive imagery turned negative. Not to mention warmth disappears into coldness.

In [Midnight Date] there's a rope with thorns tightening around Xu Mo's heart. In [True Love Date] there is a delicate rope tightening around his heart. I will eat my shoe if this isn't a reference to the red string of fate that binds him and MC together. But, as you can see, it's causing him all the suffering in the world.

[Main Story 13-19] Iridescent, the pen, was given to MC and she ends up using it to threaten her own life. Not only is it Xu Mo's symbol of love (more on this later) but pens aren't supposed to be violent weapons. There's the saying that pens are mightier than the sword, because pens write down ideas that are supposed to convince people peacefully. So, a symbol of something non-physical and literary is now a physical weapon of violence and force.

[Main Story 8-23] Xu Mo tucks MC's hands back under the blanket when she's in the hospital, but MC describes a "cold sensation" touching her before she sees that it's his hands. So, Xu Mo has bad circulation or low temperature. Normally, in otome games, the men are supposed to have warm hands (encourages feelings of security, safety, etc.).

[Main Story 9-18] also talks about how Xu Mo's fingertips are freezing, but this is probably more because of the context of the scene.

To be honest, I'm iffy on the last two points about cold hands because it's a common description I see in Chinese novels, where the male lead is described with a cool temperature or cool breath. So, it sort of sounds like it can be a positive descriptor? Of course, there's also male leads who run hot to show how passionate they are LOL.

Or maybe cool descriptions are used to emphasize a character's rationality but when things get hot and heavy they start to burn in temperature and it's supposed to make you go "OOH! HE'S LOSING CONTROL!" or something.

In any case, Xu Mo being of cold temperature is a distinct thing because Gavin is generally described with warm temperatures (because he's a hotblooded military man). The only time I can recall Gavin having a cool description given to him is the tip of his nose in his birthday date, but come on the nose is the extremity of extremities!

Lastly, Xu Mo also needs a special mention for this point:

[Main Story 16-22] The opposite happens here with imagery reversion. Death, normally a frightening concept, is flipped to be a good thing. To escape Xu Mo's dream you need to die. Dying is another way to live.

SYMBOLISM

First, I think it's interesting to note that despite Xu Mo being a "villainous" character and having all this light and shadow imagery (metaphor for his inner conflict), he's ultimately described with light. He has spatial and solidifying light (?) powers that manifest as white light rather than dark shadows.

It's also cute that he shows his two sides with his WHITE lab coat or his BLACK trench coat.

Second, water is pretty much THE imagery to go to for enlightened, virtuous, and refined people. Heck, Lao Tzu in Tao Te Ching, a fundamental text for philosophical and religious Taoism, connects water with 7 virtues:

Dwelling with the right location: water goes to the lowest point, thus a humble person should emulate this. Arrogant people always try to go to the top.

Feeling with great depth: truly virtuous people are like deep pools of water. You can't see everything about them at first, but as you get to know them it's like discovering a treasure and this should encourage you to cultivate depth in yourself too.

Giving with great kindness: rivers flow across the land nourishing everything in its way; once it's done its work it moves on without waiting for praise or recognition. This is the virtue of unconditional kindness.

Speaking with great integrity: water, when calm and undisturbed, reflects its surroundings perfectly and so should people reflect the truth with the same degree of accuracy.

Governing with great administration: water benefits everyone equally, because water doesn't pass judgment on anyone. Give everyone the same level of basic courtesy.

Handling with great capability: water has great versatility and nothing can block its way; it can flow to the left, right, under, over, etc. It's also not limited to just its regular form and can be steam or ice.

Moving with great timing: summer rains never fall in winter, and winter rains never fall in summer. Water demonstrates there is a time for everything and that everything can occur in its own time.

Remember how I said scholar-officials in historical China are basically like role models and nobles who help govern the people under the emperor with noblesse oblige? This is why scholar characters go hand in hand with water imagery, because it's supposed to emphasize their virtuousness.

So, because Xu Mo is a scholar-type character, the same goes for him. He has SO MUCH water imagery going on for him, and it carries the above weight behind it. I've probably missed some, but here's a list of the ones I can recall:

[Main Story 9-11] MC falls asleep on the bus and, as Xu Mo watches her, the emotions in his eyes are like swelling ocean tides at night.

[Main Story 9-14] MC's dream about Xu Mo has her falling into an ocean.

[Main Story 9-22] MC ends up in Xu Mo's memories about the accident that killed his parents and it's raining.

[Main Story 11-6] Xu Mo brings MC Chinese bellflowers and MC feels that they're fragile, as if the petals are thin ice that'll break if she touches them.

[Main Story 13-4] Xu Mo's voice is like the morning fog evaporating in the sunlight.

[Main Story 13-8] During their talk about MC wanting to continue her investigation, calm waves drift in Xu Mo's dark eyes.

[Main Story 13-19] This is tangentially related to Xu Mo because these descriptions apply to the MC, but it happens after the Ares reveal. She feels like she got pushed into an ice cave, she feels like she's drifting in an ocean, and when she thinks about Xu Mo her memories overwhelm her like a flood and she feels like she's going to drown.

[Main Story 16-16] Xu Mo gets to kill Hades' goons with a copied ice ability. The writers didn't have to give the goons an ice ability; they could have had metal powers, or fire powers, but nope it was water-related.

[The Promised Date] Xu Mo's eyes are like ocean tides at night. When he's abroad he experiences heart pains and finds his shirt drenched and stuck to his back, giving him the illusion that he's drowning.

Third, Xu Mo also has a lot of flower language going for him. Technically, the other guys have flowers and plants associated with them too (for example, Gavin with white lilies and gingko leaves), but I think Xu Mo gets more LOL.

[Main Story 9-14] Red spider lilies appear in MC's dream about Xu Mo. These mean sad memories, mutual longing, separation, graceful purity, beauty of death, endless love, a precursor to death, and a call to the netherworld. The sadness and mutual longing is because the flowers and leaves of spider lilies can never touch; meanwhile, their relation to death is because they bloom punctually around the autumn equinox when people sweep graves.

[Main Story 11-6] Xu Mo gives the MC Chinese bellflowers, which bloomed out of season, when she's at the hospital. These mean eternal love, sincerity, yearning, or hopeless love. The reason for this double meaning is because Chinese bellflowers represent happiness, but only some people can seize their happiness while others miss it, are unable to grasp it, or are unable to keep it.

[Blossom Event] Xu Mo gifts a gardenia to MC, which is called Garda. In Chinese, gardenias mean tenacious, eternal love, waiting for you for a lifetime, and our love.

[Blossom Date] Xu Mo and MC go look at peach blossoms together. Not only do they quote a poem all about a bride serving her clan, groom's clan, and her groom (including having abundant fruit if you know what I mean), peach blossoms themselves mean being a captive of love.

[Under the Mistletoe SSR] Mistletoe, duh. Normally, I'd look at Chinese flower language but they're clearly using the common meaning of mistletoe: love and enduring love to those who kiss under it. Plus, if you refuse a kiss beneath it then you'll get bad luck LOL.

[CN Promise You a Lifetime SSR] Xu Mo's wedding card has wisteria in the background. In China, it means intoxicating love, dependence, born for love and dying for love, obsessed with you, the happiest moment, and indulging in love.

[Golden Days SSR] Xu Mo's flower card, but I can't find a consensus on what the flowers are. Some people think its oleander but they only bloom in summer and fall when the card is about being in the springtime. Oleanders mean a curse and to watch out for danger though.

I personally think they're apple blossoms (blooms early spring and summer) and they mean "trap". Apple blossoms are so beautiful people want to eat them, but their body is poisonous. People represented by this flower look loyal and honest on the outside, but they're sharp and have a thorny tongue. Those who get too close risk being stabbed and only smart people will find their viciousness interesting LOL.

Come on, it's totally not a coincidence that all of Xu Mo's flower symbolism is just a neon sign about how in love he is with the MC. Eternal love is repeated like a billion times. The only odd one out is his flower card, but it still suits his character:

Under his elegant and gentle face, there hides an inexplicable dark side which is the most deadliest poison.

[CN Profile Translation]

Lastly, Xu Mo has a fox as his animal representative. Foxes are pretty much universally associated with being tricksters, masters of illusions, and cunning. It's amusing because, in Asian folklore, they also like to transform into beauties and seduce people to consume them. Sometimes, the nine-tailed fox is associated with auspiciousness though!

[Official CN Animal Figures] Xu Mo is a fox, Gavin is a dog, Victor is a cat, and Kiro is a bear.

[CN Dream Flower SSR] Xu Mo's West Moon card shows him as a fox demon and scholar.

[Main Story 9-14] Xu Mo quotes the fox's line from "The Little Prince" and MC imagines seeing a fox bounding through the wheat fields too.

I think people can see why foxes are so fitting for Xu Mo but I also want to add that, despite me going on about how virtuous scholars are, in order for scholars to survive the swamp of politics in court, these scholar-officials needed to be extremely sly and cunning and it's actually a good thing to be a "wily fox".

In fact, in Chinese novels, usually the honest and genuine characters are... not the main characters and they reach a tragic end or, if they are main characters, they have to be protected by other cunning leads because good-natured people cannot survive in a mortal world filled with greedy people and their materialistic desires. Laughs hollowly at how all my honest military men biases die horrible deaths or get ruined because of this blunt personality.

Hey, check it out, with Xu Mo's historical Qixi card, [CN Vermilion Lip SSR], and his West Moon card, there's two explicit references to how he's the scholar character.

STORIES OF YOU AND ME

Now, Xu Mo brings up three major stories throughout the game in various places.

First, there's "The Little Mermaid":

[The Little Mermaid ASMR] I was on the fence as to whether Xu Mo relates himself to the Prince or the Little Mermaid, but now I think he's the Little Mermaid. He's different from humans but longs for them and wants an eternal soul.

[Overseas Date] Here we learn that Xu Mo can't yet understand the Little Mermaid's selfless, brave, and devoted love (sorry, but you're way too insatiable, my dear) however he finds himself understanding her last choice. That he can continue loving someone despite the pain they bring him (the Little Mermaid's pain every time she uses her legs).

It's, uh, pretty somber that the version Xu Mo has in his head is the Andersen one where the Little Mermaid dies. He also ends the story there and doesn't add the part where she turns into a daughter of air and still has a chance to get a soul after 300 years to go to the Kingdom of God.

Second, there's "The Little Prince" and its a damn good reference. So, this book is actually MC's favorite book and it's about a little prince who raises a rose on his planet, B612, and falls in love with the rose. But he catches the rose in a lie and gets hurt and, even though they reconcile, he leaves the planet to go on a journey.

On the Little Prince's journey he meets all sorts of people with obsessions and learns life lessons through them, but the most important one he learns is how to love his rose. He crashes down to earth though and meets the person he tells his story to (thus creating this story), but before the Little Prince can return to his planet he gets bitten by a poisonous snake and that's it. The narrator likes to think the Little Prince made it back to his planet and rose though.

In [Sound of Silence SSR Call: The Little Prince] Xu Mo mentions how The Little Prince is MC's favorite book. He also compares MC directly to being the Little Prince and how she's growing like the Little Prince through her experiences. I have a crack theory that MLQC's story could actually mirror this somewhat, especially about MC learning the meaning of love and how that'll save the world LOL.

In [Sound of Silence SSR Call: Beautiful Moonlight] there's another mention to the Little Prince where Xu Mo asks if she can find B612, the Little Prince's home planet. They both hope the Little Prince made it back home.

In [Main Story 9-14], like I mentioned above, Xu Mo quotes the fox's line and it goes: "The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat".

However, let me explain the context and show the full quote. So, the Little Prince meets a fox in his journey and the fox tells the Little Prince to tame him to "establish ties":

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

[...]

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat."

The Little Prince agrees and tames the fox. But when he has to leave the planet:

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

[...]

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

Isn't this conversation good? I remember reading the Little Prince a long time ago and found it super sad, and now that I'm re-visiting this story again thanks to Xu Mo... well, I understand it better but it's still melancholic LOL.

But, anyway, if we replace the Little Prince with MC and the fox with Xu Mo, this conversation is really interesting. See, the fox is indelibly marked by the Little Prince (like Xu Mo by the MC) and they have made this unique connection between them that will hurt both of them when it comes to the end.

However, this pain doesn't mean their experiences wasn't worth it and that it didn't mean anything. Like the fox says, now he has these memories of the Little Prince that makes life worth living. The fox, before he met the Little Prince, found his life boring and monotonous, but now things are given meaning when they didn't have it before.

On a totally random note, in [CN "In His World" Event] people have taken pictures of Xu Mo's shelves and now we can get an idea of his reading material. It ranges from literary classics (Ayn Rand, Oscar Wilde, Vladimir Nabokov, Charlotte Brontë, and lots of Chinese authors), to research papers (Genome-wide Polygenic Burden of Rare Deleterious Variants in Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy), to things like encyclopedias on flowers, etc.

It'd probably take you years to get through his reading materials LOL. The other guys also have books in their rooms, but I don't remember them clearly. I do know that Gavin has sci-fi books though! Totally not biased. But, I'm sorry, I don't really like reading sci-fi...

Third and last, the most referenced story throughout the game is probably the one Xu Mo made, "The Artist and the Butterfly". I feel like most of us know it by now, but I'll do a translation for those who haven't had the pleasure of getting [Drowning in Love SSR] and its two calls [Artist and Butterfly] and [The Only Color] and because Elex's version is riddled with errors.

Once upon a time, in a secluded castle, there lived an artist. The artist's paintings only had two colors: black and white. It wasn't because the artist loved these two colors, but because in his eyes there were only these two colors in the world.

The artist believed the world to be depressing, so all the other colors were meaningless. But, one day, a butterfly flew in front of him and the artist saw with shock that on the butterfly's wings were all sorts of beautiful colors he had never seen before. The fluttering of its wings made the colors even more lively and charming, and so the artist painted it for the entire day, never tiring.

But the sensitive artist was also afraid the butterfly would one day grow tired of being beside him, and so he thought about catching the butterfly and putting it in a glass jar. Like this, the butterfly would never be able to leave him.

Then, we move onto the conversation portion in [The Only Color]:

Xu Mo: What do you think of this story?

MC: Um... you can't laugh at me when I say this.

Xu Mo: I promise I won't.

MC: I feel like the artist is very relatable.

Xu Mo: ... Relatable?

MC: Mhm, although I don't understand his actions, I can see that he's really stifled and sad. Now, can you tell me what happens after?

Xu Mo: Actually, this is what happens after. Or rather, this story doesn't have an end.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Are you disappointed?

MC: So, not every story has an ending...

Xu Mo: The artist continues to try and catch the butterfly, and even I don't know whether he caught it or not. If I see him again, I'll ask him for you.

MC: Turns out this is a real story?

Xu Mo: Yes.

MC: If you're able to meet that artist, you have to tell him this for me. That he actually doesn't love the butterfly, does he?

Xu Mo: Why do you not think the artist loves the butterfly? If you love someone, aren't you supposed to move heaven and earth to bind them to your side?

MC: But this is too selfish.

Xu Mo: Hah, yes, even I find it selfish. But if he doesn't do that, the artist will likely lose the butterfly. And then his life will be like how it was before; the whole world would just be black and white.

MC: If he really loves the butterfly, then he wouldn't want to see them suffer. Maybe I'm too simple, but for me genuine love is simply loving that person, as an individual, and I wouldn't need a relationship with them. I'd just want them to be happy.

Xu Mo: If you were this butterfly, and there was someone who wanted to confine you to their side so they could keep you together with them forever... would you be willing?

MC: No... I don't think I'd be willing.

Xu Mo: Indeed... exactly what I thought you would say...

MC: Xu Mo... I want to ask you...

Xu Mo: Mm?

MC: Is this story about you?

Xu Mo: I couldn't be the artist, and I definitely couldn't be the butterfly. But if I really did encounter the one and only color in my life, then I certainly wouldn't let them go.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Why?... I don't know why either... You don't need to dig to the bottom of everything.

MC: Xu Mo, I'm a bit sleepy all of a sudden...

Xu Mo: Sleep then. Don't be afraid, even if you have nightmares, I'll be here for you.

Gods, I'm going to be endlessly salty over Elex's butchering of these calls, but whatever. WHATEVER.

This is LITERALLY the story of Xu Mo and MC's relationship. And, with this, we are shuffled immediately into my next section.

COLORING EACH OTHER

In [New Light Date] Xu Mo asks "Can you teach me love?" and in [Main Story 5-6] he also asks "Then, will you change me? If we get along together."

The answer is a resounding YES. MC has changed him indelibly, like the tamed fox, and there is only one unique her in his world; he's left the same mark on her, making him the only unique Xu Mo in her world.

(Not to mention in his [CN 2nd Anniversary VIP message] to the players Xu Mo literally says "It's as if under your guidance I've learned how to love".)

In [Firefly Date] Xu Mo talks about how the lights of the fireflies are a danger sign to other creatures (because fireflies eat everything during their larvae form). Then in [Rainfall Date] he thinks the exact same words, that the colors he's seeing emerge into his world because of the MC are a DANGER SIGN but he cannot bring himself to care.

It is not metaphorical in [Rainfall Date]. He's colorblind!

The "Mo (墨)" in Xu Mo's name (许墨) was once his mother's favorite word. This word represents pen and ink, a literary family, and the black and white world in his eyes.

His world is black and white and only by your side can he see colors.

[CN Profile Translation]

Then in [Afternoon Date] there is this exchange:

MC: What do I look like in your eyes?

Xu Mo: ... Colored.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: In my eyes... you're full of colors.

So, now that we know MC literally brings color into his life, I'm going to bring back his pen, Iridescent, that he gives MC [Main Story 13-10]. It's a symbol of his love because there's a line that comes from a movie called "Flipped". The Chinese name for the movie "Flipped" is the same as the Chinese name of Xu Mo's [Lovestruck SSR].

“Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss... [...] But every once in a while, you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.”

Iridescent is how he sees MC. She literally brought the colors of a rainbow into his black and white world [Rainfall Date].

Now, when we think about his line in "The Artist and the Butterfly" we get... MAJOR ANGST. Because, contrary to his words about not letting the only color in his world go, he lets the MC go again and again and again:

He doesn't catch MC in [Main Story 13].

He saves MC from Hades in [Main Story 16] and then takes advantage of the dream erasing her memories, so she'll have no ties to him or BS (until the next time they meet on the field again, I guess).

Heck, to take this further, in [Memory Palace: The Night Before] Xu Mo traces his previously wounded eye and thinks about how he can barely remember MC's colors and he's going to lose it completely when they meet at the news conference. Then in [Main Story 16-22] MC sees his past all in black and white.

Xu Mo has given up on keeping her colors in his world...

On a side note, I also think he's giving up vividness in his world. In [Rainfall Date] it's implied that the cheerier MC is the brighter her colors are and, I assume, the colors in Xu Mo's world?

There's an intriguing fact in his [CN Profile Translation] too where it says "His sense of taste isn't too sensitive, but it's not completely absent either." What if that fades too when MC isn't around?

Papergames has also mentioned that Xu Mo has glasses he wears to help him see colors (so he can drive safely LOL) but we don't actually see him wear them much except for when he's doing scientific stuff. Perhaps this is a sign about how little he cares about seeing colors in his world if he can't see them naturally (MC-induced colors).

But, hold on, this is a section about how Xu Mo has equally changed MC (it's just, perhaps, more tragic and more obvious with Xu Mo because he only has MC, the sole color in his life, while she has three other guys just lost a friend, mentor, and love interest).

In [Blossom Date] there's an exchange where MC tells Xu Mo that, like how he's told her to take her time growing in front of him [Main Story 9-2], she wants him to take his time going through life. She's echoing his words (and teaching) and, in response, Xu Mo's eyes darken and he thinks about how he's "staining her purity in his colors".

In [CN Archery Date] Xu Mo teaches MC how to handle and shoot a bow and they end up having a mini competition where they both hit bull's eye and get a draw. He's given her one of skills (and a piece of him) again.

Xu Mo continuously gives MC things that he has never given anyone else:

In [Snowy Night Date] he reveals his actual birthday date to MC.

In [Hot Spring Date] Xu Mo reveals that he's never celebrated his birthdays like this, until now with her. Because they probably reminded him of his parents' accident.

In [CN Nightmare's End ASMR] Xu Mo barely remembers his childhood memories (or his real name RIP), and yet he doesn't hesitate to share these memories with MC.

Tangentially related, but I want to throw in here how Xu Mo and MC are described sometimes as having eyes only for each other. I'm sure there's more mentions, but I can only remember these two:

[Main Story 13-8] "Xu Mo didn't respond. He stared at me with a complicated look and I was the only one reflected in his eyes."

[True Love Date] "The girl, with her clear black eyes opened wide, stared at him. The one who was reflected in those eyes was him alone."

My romantic and poetic explanation here is that, because they have pieces of themselves in each other, they're drawn together like magnets!

RUNNING ON PARALLEL TRACKS

In addition to coloring each other with pieces of themselves, MC and Xu Mo are also quite synchronized. He still leaves her confused at times with his intellect, but she can give back pretty good. I will continue to quietly blame Elex for unflattering descriptions of the MC, especially after that call up there, WTF.

For example, [Blossom Date] has Xu Mo quoting a classic poem "Tao Yao" with stanzas 1+2, and MC follows with stanzas 5+6, only for Xu Mo to flirt with stanzas 11+12 (thanks to @love-p for this translation):

1 桃之夭夭 Fresh is the peach tree,

2 灼灼其華 vibrant does it bloom.

[...]

5 桃之夭夭 Fresh is the peach tree,

6 有蕡其実 abundant its fruit.

[...]

11 之子于帰 The betrothed comes home,

12 宜其家人 she serves the clan well.

Then, while Xu Mo doesn't say this unprompted, in [Main Story 13-15] he connects the writing on the wall to 1 Corinthians 13:12. "For now we see through a glass, darkly..."

Then in [Main Story 16-12] MC quotes 1 Corinthians 13:2 at him: "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing."

However, despite being able to follow up with each other like this, [Firefly Date] shows how Xu Mo and MC have philosophies that differ on a fundamental level, and this ultimately puts them on opposing sides.

Xu Mo believes in mistaken Darwinism, the strong survive and the weak perish, and he also upholds a strict utilitarian view about using people's lives for the greater good of humanity.

The progress of science is often accompanied by many failed experiments, and towards those failed experiments Xu Mo will feel regret. But at the same time he believes that it is a kind of honor to contribute to a better future for humankind.

[CN Profile Translation]

MC believes in helping people out, not just leaving them out to struggle on their own, and she respects and believes in the innate dignity of human life and choice.

We see in [Main Story 16-9] that Xu Mo and MC have another debate about their philosophies and it ends without a victor, again, but also them realizing that both of them wouldn't sacrifice the person they love (consolation prize LOL).

There's also an amazing moment in [Main story 16-12] where MC quotes something Xu Mo told her in [Main Story 13-17]: "Only those who have felt pain and despair can reach the truth of this world. So, even if you feel pain, there's no need to give up on what you want to do. Even if that source of light were to disappear, it would immediately regain its light."

It hurts because, what was a motivational speech for MC, is now used against Xu Mo. It further resolves MC about her principles, but the way she throws his words at him to hurt him like that... yikes. To the both of them, honestly, since Xu Mo wasn't playing nice at all there in assuming her hesitance about answering meant she would sacrifice her loved ones.

Anyway, we see that this understanding and knowing (coloring) of each other lets them hurt each other just as bad. I mentioned in a previous post about the [CN Archery Date] that it's interesting to see their relationship as a metaphorical draw. They take and give to each other, constantly, throughout the story and it shows that they're equals. Running to some place, but not being on the same track. We can only hope they're heading to the same place and that they won't branch off and go further and further away from each other (but he's a love interest, so it should be?? okay??).

On a side note, Xu Mo quotes "Graveyard by the Sea" in [Firefly Date] (I've linked an amazing English translation that comes with an analysis of the original French version).

TL;DR is that the poet realizes timelessness does not exist and that, because his mortality is ever looming, he must go out and accept the challenge of life (carpe diem!) because immortality might not lie beyond the grave. You only get this one chance in life and the future is uncertain, so do everything you can to achieve what you want to do.

This is actually another good reference to Xu Mo's ruthless ambition and why in [Blossom Date] MC wants him to rest and take his time moving forward slowly, much like how he tells her to take her time growing with him.

Uh, I realize I may have taken you guys off guard by suddenly bringing up ruthless ambition again but:

[Blossom Date Translation] Xu Mo reveals how much he worked his ass off when he was younger.

Xu Mo: Yes, I skipped grades.

Xu Mo said that casually, without any pride, as if it were someone else's business. But I was deeply impressed.

MC: You spent all your high school years studying?

Xu Mo: At that time, yes.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Silly, there aren't that many why's. It's the same as how you were when you were taking your entrance exams, there were things I needed to do.

[Main Story 13-22] "Ares had a smile cold enough to send chills through someone. The blood that flowed to his mouth made him stand out even more bewitchingly, like a flower. He raised his head and ambition roiled in eyes that were deeper and darker than twilight."

[2nd PV] Xu Mo has a line in Chinese that goes "我贪得无厌　想要你的全部" which I believe English translated as "I am insatiable, I want all of you" which is... um, sure. I mean it works! Perhaps it doesn't fully convey how it's like endless greed, the desire and want for more, never being satisfied, and always hungering. That is what insatiable means, but I don't think the word is used commonly enough for people to click onto all of that.

CONCLUSION

LORD, this is massive. Not including this conclusion, whoever has read down to this point has cleared around 7,500 words, so congratulations.

Anyway, obviously, this post isn't supposed to be all "this is the one and only true interpretation of Xu Mo's character" but I wanted to provide some background from a native (?) context that might have been overlooked, because I don't think scholar archetypes are as common in English and Japanese media (the second culture people are probably most familiar with if they're playing otome games?).

Like how you can point out "ah yes, the tsundere, the yandere, the megane, etc." in Japanese media, the scholar archetype is someone you could spot at a glance from a line up of Chinese characters. If I had to choose a similar type they're probably like megane characters... except their EQ and IQ are both high, so they're not cold, logical robots.

Coming back to a summary of all my points, Xu Mo is a complicated scholar archetype and the game also enjoys spicing this concept up with things that contrast sharply against it (the sexuality from his fox characteristics). He's gentle, refined, and knowledgeable, but also has a black belly that shows when he flirts and verbally traps the MC to fluster her (not to mention all his manipulations behind the scenes).

Every scene he appears in seems to say one thing, but show another, and his references make me want to cry when I end up digging too deep in them. Meanwhile, the silence between the lines of his scenes, words, and actions, scream so loudly with evocative and symbolic imagery.

Feel free to dislike him, but I don't think it can be denied that he's a very intricately written character, and that's what all the fun is about liking him and deciphering his raison d'être.

As an aside, I will acknowledge that I've skipped over other references that I couldn't fit into this post but there were things like the [Roman Holiday] movie he and MC watched in [Main Story 5-6] and the song he sings in [True Love Date], "When I Fall in Love", and its relation to [Sleepless in Seattle], perhaps? But @sharinluna has good posts on these already. I haven't watched any of these, so I won't bother to reveal my ignorance on them LOL.

Lastly, I just want to leave everyone with these two lines from Xu Mo, because it draws such a beautiful circle:

So, in his [2nd PV] he says "我贪得无厌" which I mentioned above was something like "I'm insatiably greedy".

Then, there's a call where he says "谢谢你、成全我的贪心，希望你可以相信，无论是过去，还是未来，能让我倾尽所有想要独占的，只有你一人" which translates to "Thank you, for fulfilling my greed. I hope you can believe that, regardless of whether it's in the past or future, the person who's made me want to exhaust all methods to monopolize them has only ever been you."

Such a beautiful full circle, right? You can imagine him saying this at the end of the game or at a wedding, right? EXCEPT IT CAME FROM A KFC COLLABORATION CALL. YES. KFC. I'm crying and I feel like my soul took a hit. It doesn't count... it doesn't count as canon material does it... I mean, he's not talking about the chicken, because this is in response to a confession you get to write as the player, BUT STILL. LOL.

(I secretly laugh at how English would handle that, since they gave him the "I am insatiable" line. "Thank you for satiating me"? HAHA).

Nah, perhaps the true circle is him asking in [New Light Date] if MC can teach him love and then telling us that we've taught him in love in the [2nd Anniversary VIP Message].

[amphtaminedreams]

Filling the Met Shaped Hole (No, Not Like That): The Best Red Carpet Looks of Awards Season 2020

Hi to anyone reading,

I want to jump straight into things and ask a question. Which is the best Met Gala theme of the last 5 years and why is it Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination?

Seriously though, despite the fact that I’m not sure anything will top Heavenly Bodies with the preceding and succeeding Met Galas being relatively disappointing (the camp theme definitely could have been taken further and lets not even talk about the Comme Des Garcons disaster), I still get excited for the gala every year, staying up til whatever hour of the morning so I can see all the fashion live. Of course, it makes complete sense that this year’s event has been postponed until October given the circumstances but the chosen theme of Fashion and Duration had the potential to be quite interesting, so I hope we do eventually get to see it; whilst I don’t miss endlessly scrolling through photos of every white male celebrity wearing the exact same suit and tie to the point where fangirls claim Harry Styles to be a pioneer of breaking gender norms because he wore a pink top, I long for the days where we could all temporarily coexist in peace and harmony thanks to the internet’s collective dragging of the Kardashians for paying no attention to the theme whatsoever. We should’ve guessed life as we know it was about to be flipped on its head when they actually turned up in something interesting last year.

What I’m trying to say is that I would love nothing more than to jump back in time to when tomorrow morning’s top Google search would be best Met Gala looks, and not how many lives did Boris Johnson’s fuckery cost us today. So in honour of the lack of trivial content, I thought I’d fill the Met shaped hole in our lives (amongst many other unfilled holes; today the freezer door at work hit me on the ass whilst I was putting ice cubes out and I think for a split second I got all flushed) by putting together a collection of my personal favourite red carpet looks from this year’s awards season and their respective afterparties: the BAFTAs, Brits, Critic’s Choice Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, SAG Awards, and the Grammys to finish with.

Enjoy!

British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award (yes, that’s the BAFTAs but I needed a longer title)

(L-R: Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy, and Scarlett Johansson in Versace)

I am a British fan of television and arts but I will gladly say it: of all the awards ceremonies, the BAFTAs is hardly the most exciting, and the red carpet even less so. As I said, lots of boring men in boring suits and middle aged women being dressed by stylists who seem to think we’re dead from the neck down by the time we hit 40 and dress us accordingly so. Any hint of a décolletage explicitly forbidden.

There were a few good looks, however. From left to right, above we have Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy and Scarlett Johansson in Versace, who looks so amazing I almost forget that 1). Versace is going down the drain and 2). Scarlett Johansson would stand in front of a forest and take the role of a tree if she could. Which, along with her whole defence of Woody Allen, is really shit-she’s genuinely great in Marriage Story and an otherwise talented actress. As for Zoe Kravitz, she is up there with Robert Pattison as one of my biggest crushes right now and looks amazing in literally everything she wears, and Rooney Mara is consistently low-key yet elegantly dressed. 

(L-R: Greta Gerwig in Gucci, Florence Pugh in Dries Van Noten, Renee Zellweger in Prada)

Renee Zellweger proved an exception to the rule when it came to women over the age of 40 generally having clueless stylists-her dress is beautiful, very reminiscent of the delicate, demure beauty of 50s icons such as Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. Florence’s dress, I actually really loved. It didn’t seem to go down all too well with actual Florence Pugh fans but red and pink together is an elite combo; I’m still firmly on the “surprised that it works but I’m into it” train. I mainly included Greta’s dress for the green velvet, to be honest; it’s disappointingly low-key for Gucci but nice enough all the same.

(L-R: Andrew Scott in Paul Smith, Charlize Theron in Dior, Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta, and Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli)

I was particularly excited to see Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli-yes, I adore her because she played Daenerys Targaryen and I was ride or die for that bitch but also whenever I see her interviewed she has the most exuberant energy and honestly I want to be best friends. It’s not the most interesting dress Schiaparelli has ever put out there, but I like the fact that she went for something unique all the same.

Forest green is a colour I find hard to resist which is why I included Andrew Scott’s otherwise kinda basic suit (points for it being velvet) and Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta. As elegant as the dress is, I would love for her stylist to have really leaned into the forest nymph vibes I’m getting and do something a bit less uptight with the hair and makeup; like imagine loose curls with tiny braids and hair rings and a dark lip and a slight smoke around the eye and...yes, I have very specific visions, I know. As for Charlize Theron, her work with Dior is the only reason I care about the brand; there’s definitely a case to be made here for giving Maria Grazia the benefit of the doubt, assuming that she tries all the prototypes on women who look like Charlize and that that’s why she’s happy to send dresses that are otherwise relatively underwhelming down the runway. 

The Brit Awards

(L-R: Charli XCX in Fendi, Ellie Goulding in Koche, Hailee Steinfeld in Fendi, and Harry Styles in Gucci)

In my opinion a much better reflection of quintessential British style than the BAFTAs, I originally ruled out including any music award ceremony red carpets in this post until I saw Maya Jama and Charli XCX’s looks. Consider me pleasantly surprised by Hailee Steinfeld’s cobalt blue burnout dress, a classic incarnation of the regal bohemian aesthetic Fendi channelled in their 2019 haute couture show. Plus Charli’s emo take on Glinda the Good Witch is also Fendi, driving home for me just how much I love their collections. I don’t know if I’d be sure about Ellie Goulding’s dress on the rack but the simple styling makes it work and she looks gorgeous, and Harry Styles looks just as pretty in a Gucci look that is MADE for him.

(L-R: Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood, Celeste in Gucci on the far right! I’m not sure who the guy in the middle is, I’m sorry and if anybody knows drop me a message and I will correct this immediately!)

Unfortunately, Harry Styles and Celeste didn’t get to pose together because this is really a perfect his and hers Gucci look; I feel like seeing one outfit next to the other would really highlight the quirky elegance of each. That being said, it feels criminal to talk about elegance without including Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood in the sentence; the dress is obviously stunning quality on its own merit, but Adwoah is what elevates it from unremarkable to ethereal. Fuck the weird ass knight figure that’s currently on top of the Brit Award, this woman is the definition of statuesque! Put her on top of the trophy you cowards!

And just to get it out of the way, when it comes to the guy in the middle, to quote Keke Palmer:

Sorry to this man.

Honestly, I saved all the red carpet photos from a Nylon (I think it was Nylon?) article back when the awards aired and towards the end of the photos they stopped including names-this happened a few times when I was looking through red carpet galleries. I reverse image searched where I could but not every photo turned anything up. If anyone does know who this man is, message me so I can include his name. He looks sick, and as far as suits go, this one is built upon and accessorised enough that it’s actually a look rather than the same old variation of a suit we’ve seen a million times before that may as well be the straight man’s designated red carpet uniform. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Neh Neh Cherry in Bottega Veneta, Laura Whitmore)

And now the woman that forced me to include the Brits red carpet in this post in the first place: Maya Jama. Don’t get me wrong, my mind isn’t blown by this dress on its own, I probably prefer Laura Whitmore’s (Jaded do a similar newspaper dress and I’ve resisted adding it to my basket for 6 months now, this is the ultimate test of whether or not I finally cave), but Maya looks fucking MAGNIFICENT. The fit, the gloves, the confidence with which she carries it, it’s all SO good. Considering the timing, this is basically her Princess Diana revenge dress levelled up, 2020′s Jessica Rabbit moment. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Ellie Goulding, Kendall Jenner)

Obviously anything is gonna be a step down from the red carpet look but Maya’s Brits afterparty outfit was cute too, if a tad Pretty Little Thing. 

Don’t ask me what Kendall Jenner was doing at the Brits afterparty btw, because I have no idea. We live in a world where the Kardashian-Jenners just seem to occupy every public space possible and I’ve begrudgingly accepted it at this point. I don’t have the energy to question it-and it helps that green catsuit is actually Very Cool™. 

For the last of my favourite Brit Awards looks, we have a few more afterparty photos-from left to right we have Charli XCX again, Lizzo, and Anne Marie. It was Charli posting her dress on Instagram that sent me searching for afterparty looks in the first place; apparently wearing nothing but feathers and crystals is something that appeals to me, and the more I read that statement, the more it sounds spot-on. I’d categorise it as gothic glamour hoe, and slot it in with the rest of the night-out clothes in my wardrobe that I think I’ll finally have the balls to wear out of sheer desperation once this lockdown is over. The Blossom to Charli XCX’s Buttercup here, we’ve also got Anne Marie looking extra AF and I loveeeee it; it’s an ensemble somewhere between a high-end version of Alaska Thunderfuck’s candyfloss Sugar Ball dress from season 5 of Drag Race (Alaska DID deserve to win AS2 nation, rise up) and a low-key version of a Katy Perry California Dreams Tour costume. I don’t call it low-key as a drag, just a regretful admission of the fact that maybe wearing a cupcake bra which squirts whipped cream out of the boobs is a bit too much for most of us. 

Critic’s Choice Awards

(L-R: Alison Brie in Brandon Maxwell, Chloe Bridges in Azeeza, Cynthia Erivo in Fendi, Florence Pugh in Prada)

I was going to say the Critic’s Choice Awards is kind of America’s version of the BAFTAs but then I remembered that the BAFTAs is really the only big TV and film awards ceremony we have here in the UK and that it’s kind of sad that I have to compare our most high-profile red carpet of the year to L.A’s most low-key one. Getting Cynthia Erivo and Florence Pugh to infiltrate is the best we can do. 

THAT BEING SAID! 

They both look amazing. This is Florence’s best red carpet look of this year, imo (she the prettiest icicle I’ve ever seen), and Cynthia Erivo’s arm must ache from serving the entire awards season. And in Fendi! Taste!

Side note before we move onto the next set of looks: has anybody else watched Alison Brie in Mad Men and Community simultaneously and experienced the extreme cognitive dissonance that comes from watching her play a tragically nerdy (relatable tbh) 18 year old and an overly-sophisticated 30 something married to an ad man in the 60s at the same time? Weird, but anyway! The orange dress with the red lipstick is channelling Marina Diamandis’ Froot era style subtle sex appeal and is a timeless, playful combo. Put the hair up into a beehive and it’s Megan Draper on a date in Cabo-don’t know much about the place but I know the sea is aqua and the sun seekers are blindingly white and the cocktails are plentiful (and whatever colour you want them to be), and all that together is a juicy palette if we’re talking cinematography. The Mad Men directors are out there somewhere shaking their fists at the sky that they never got to consult me on that, I’m sure. 

(L-R: Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Erdem and Zendaya in Tom Ford)

Zendaya’s red carpet look was the stand out of the Critic’s Choice Awards for sure; the skirt I can do without but I hope that hot pink metal breastplate ends up on display somewhere because that is ART, and she is the perfect person to wear it. The Tiffany Pollard “she's so powerful” meme was made for this moment. 

Also, can we talk about Phoebe Waller-Bridge backing up my Dior 2019 Haute Couture wasn’t *that* bad hypothesis? Because unless I’m mistaken this is one of the dresses from that collection and it is quite beautiful. Yeah, black mesh isn’t going to start a revolution or anything but it’s so delicate looking it almost seems out of place on a red carpet-I don’t know if it’s the structure of the bodice or the tulle but I can totally see this in a gothic ballet, whether that’s sensible in theory or not. Probably not. But then again I did quit ballet when I was 10 after months of getting people to near poke me in the eye on the way out of class so it would look like I’d been crying and I didn’t have to go to my lessons after school. So what do I know? Fuck all, in case that wasn’t clear. I also feel a little vindicated by Saoirse wearing one of the Erdem dresses I loved from last year’s collection-if multi-award winning actress Saoirse Ronan’s probably ridiculously well-paid stylist liked it enough to pick it out for her then I guess I’m doing okay in terms of taste levels.

(L-R: Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab, and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

The last few Critics Choice Awards looks I picked out above aren’t thrilling or anything but they’re cute enough to include-from left to right we have Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab and Margaret Qualley in Chanel. It’s kind of besides the point, but Margaret worked with Chanel throughout awards season and I just wanted to add my two cents in here and say that I think she’s the perfect person to collaborate with (also think Laura Harrier would be a good match, anyone agree?) and that in a similar vein, I urge Miu Miu, the creative directors of which I’m sure are eagerly awaiting the opinion of irrelevant Tumblr user amphtaminedreams, to work with Lucy Hale more often. I feel like if girl stopped starring in those shitty Blumhouse horrors and did something a bit more sophisticated she’d fit the brand right down to a T.

The Golden Globes

(L-R: Cynthia Erivo in Thom Browne, Dakota Fanning in Dior, Jane Levy in Steven Khalil, and Janina Gavankar in Georges Chakra)

Finally! I hear you cry! A more exciting red carpet! It’s not the Oscars, but celebrity stylists still pulled the big guns for this one, the Golden Globes probably being considered the second most prestigious American awards ceremony of the year. Plus Dakota Fanning was there! Big yay for me! She and Elle can practically do no wrong in my eyes and are probably the only 2 women that could take on Dakota Johnson and Jennifer Lawrence when it comes to established red carpet style. 

Cynthia Erivo did it again, of course, as slick, as dignified and as regal as she was at the Critic’s Choice. The woman really has got this power stance thing locked down; she always seems so cool and confident in everything she wears that the whole getting dressed up to go out out out (we call going to the club going “out out”, but I’d say a red carpet is a slightly bigger deal than my local club with the sticky floors hence the 3rd out) thing looks like second nature.

(L-R: Zoey Deutch in Fendi, Karamo Brown in Grayscale, Lucy Boynton in Louis Vuitton and Kat Graham in Georges Hobeika)

Lucy Boynton was another of my Golden Globes stand outs, and in general is someone who I really look forward to seeing at red carpet events. She (or her stylist, I don’t know how much of a role she plays!) always seems to commit fully to an outfit and sees it as part of a whole concept where the makeup, hair and accessories are equally as important and that is a girl after my own heart. 60s space age empress is the theme here and I’m all about it-well, either that or a feminine editorial take on the tinman from the Wizard of Oz but the former sounds a bit cooler and does way more justice to how good she looks so we’ll go with that. Quick shoutout to Kat Graham too because she looked absolutely radiant. 

(L-R: Shailene Woodley in Balmain, Winnie Harlow in Laquan Smith, and Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent)

The trio above I really couldn’t skim over, Winnie Harlow especially; my America’s Next Top Model grudges aside, she consistently turns it out at every event she’s invited to. She’s another woman that wears pieces with such confidence that they look like they were actually made on her body-even if the garment itself isn’t the most breathtaking in the room, she’s the one that draws my attention. Though she’s got these dainty, other-worldly qualities about her, what you’d expect to be a gentle presence is firm and commanding and whilst the sharp drama and glitz of the dress probably helps, that’s just the way Winnie Harlow is naturally, based on her other red carpet appearances. 

Zoe Kravitz is an interesting one because, on the one hand, her looking amazing with that bone structure (I would trade a vital organ to look like that any day) is a given, but it does also seem like she went out of her way to do something a bit different this past awards season. I have always loved her street style for its trademark edge and the androgynous, oversized silhouettes that she leans towards, and the overt femininity of her red carpet dresses is that grungy, skater girl aesthetic completely flipped on its head. It’s cute, and if anyone can pull a dress as kitschy as this off, it’s Zoe. She’s got that just rolled out of bed look we all dream of that screams “I’m over this shit” whereas the rest of us have to rely on dark circles to get the message across. It’s very weird to think that she and Shailene Woodley were in Divergent together, especially since Zoe in particular has changed so much since. 

My main note with Shailene was just that I got excited to see that Balmain dress off the runway-it was one of my favourites from the S/S 2020 collection (IIRC, mostly on the basis that I’m pretty sure it wan’t haute couture), and it looks good! Not wildly good because I’m not sure the fit of the dress is inherently all that flattering, but still good-she makes it work.

(L-R: Taylor Swift in Etro, Sofia Carson in Giambattista Valli and Scarlett Johansson in Vera Wang)

I know a lot of people online didn’t seem to like Taylor Swift’s dress, but she looks cute, imo. I will say that I’m surprised it’s Etro! At first glance I would’ve thought Carolina Herrera or Oscar de la Renta or something along those lines. And predictably, I think Sofia Carson looks flawless. If you’ve read any of my other posts you’re probably sick of hearing it but I really can’t resist anything that is this modern Disney princess, like powder pink layered tulle? Feathers? What did you expect me to say, ew? I think deep down my clothing preferences will always be that of a 9 year old girl and you know what, that’s okay. Sometimes. Well, when it comes to red carpets. That’s when you can kinda get away with it.

(L-R: Bell Powley in Miu Miu, Billy Porter in Alex Vinash, and Charlize Theron in Dior)

There’s a few things worth mentioning when it comes to the above outfits. Firstly, and most importantly, I need to proclaim my love for Billy Porter. No man is doing it like him, honestly. To compare Harry Styles in his pink suits is unfair. The drama and the beauty and the flair that Billy brings every awards ceremony is on another level and that’s all I have to say about that. If you disagree, I’m gonna need a bullet pointed essay-I am that firm in my opinion.

Second, Bell Powley in Miu Miu semi confirms the direction their PR team tend to head in when choosing women to work with. I might be totally alone here but I feel like she and Lucy Hale both have one of those porcelain doll faces which work really well with Miu Miu’s signature girlish silhouettes and overly-ornate details. 

And thirdly, just to restate my earlier point: someone give Charlize Theron a pat on the back for bringing some life to a Dior design. That is all.

(L-R: Jodie Comer in Mary Katrantzou, Joey King in Schiaparelli and Kaitlyn Dever in Valentino)

All the newcomers really turned it out too, which is a sentence I type through gritted teeth; to call Jodie Comer of My Mad Fat Diary origins a newcomer pains the former depressing 2013 black and white Tumblr user in me, though I suppose to the US audiences uncultured in the ways of British teenage angst Vilanelle is her breakthrough role. And how Vilanelle is this dress too!? It’s bold and it’s attention-grabbing and it’s fun and it is definitely very theatrical female fictional villain that you were inexplicably drawn to as a child before you realised why as an adult-”oh, it’s because she was hot”. 

Joey King in Iris van Herpen was a pleasant surprise too considering that when I first looked through the red carpet photos I only knew her as the girl who was in that shitty Netflix original-having watched her in The Act, I apologise for the dismissal! And I admire the sartorial choice! I adore Iris van Herpen designs but as a short girl, wearing one of her dresses to a red carpet event is a risky decision-I hate to admit it because casting a diverse range of people for shows is something I have come to expect of my favourite brands, but the appeal of a lot of IvH pieces comes from the movement of the garments on standard willowy runway models. Fortunately, the styling is really complementary here, and whilst it can’t be denied that the dress itself does swamp her a bit, I liked that she and her stylist stepped out of the box. 

Kaitlyn Dever’s red carpet look is obviously a lot more typical, but you can't go wrong with a Valentino dress, and this one in particular is so suited to the aura she gives off-it’s young and it’s fun and it’s fresh and the intricate floral print, otherwise muted if not for the spring influenced pops of pink and red, is timelessly pretty.

(L-R: Akwafina in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Celine, Beanie Feldstein in Oscar de la Renta, and Renee Zellweger in Armani)

Lastly, there was Saoirse Ronan in Celine-one of my highlights of the night; she looked phenomenal, a glacial toned dream, and it was pretty different to what I generally expect to see her in. I might be way off base and in need of a bit of a review of her red carpet style, but I feel like she usually leans more towards pretty than edgy with regards to her styling at these kinds of events and a loose fitting, gun metal glittered slip dress is, imo, the perfect way to hit that previously uncharted midway point between the two.

(L-R: Kate Bosworth in Prabal Gurung, Kathryn Newton in Valentino and Sarah Hyland)

Now onto the afterparty looks, and I’m not gonna lie, they’re usually the highlight of the ceremonies for me; I feel like the initial ceremony is all about looking respectful and maintaining that whole dedicated actor image, whereas it seems the literal point of these showbiz parties is a competition to be the best dressed person in the room. Competition really makes people step their game up, and we always get to see more young talent whose style tends to be more current than that of the people we see on the red carpet. 

I’ve got to say, as annoying as I found her character in The Society, I have to overlook that gut instinct of irritation when I see Kathryn Newton and accept how stunning everything going on here is; honestly, she looks like an angel, and I feel like the team at Valentino must reeeeally like her to put her in that dress.

(L-R: Alexa Demie, Ashley Benson in Georges Hobeika, Maude Apatow and Barbie Ferreira)

Obviously I was super excited to see the Euphoria girls on the red carpet, especially Alexa Demie-she does 90s/early noughties inspired glamour better than anyone else on the young actor scene right now and her personal style and the sass she does so well as Maddy Perez shines through every time. Whilst Barbie Ferreira’s look is more casual and achievable for the rest of us in terms of wearability, it’s just as interesting a take on the same period; the delicate pink makeup, hair and jewellery with the 90s inspired slip dress in light teal is a red carpet take on soft grunge for the ages. As for Ashley Benson, she always looks gorgeous and that’s all I’m gonna say before I get emotional and start going into a rant about how her and Cara Delevigne’s relationship was one of the only good things about this shitshow of a year and how now that they’ve broken up the single flame of hope inside me has been extinguished and how their sex swing is gonna get so lonely with them caught in the middle of an ugly custody battle and-

You get the idea.

(L-R: Storm Reid, Sophia Bush in John Paul Ataker, and Sydney Sweeney)

(L-R: Billie Lourd, Paris Hilton, and Camila Morrone)

The Oscars

(L-R: Charlize Theron in Dior, Cynthia Erivo, and Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton)

Ah, the Oscars. This is where the big money is really spent, and bad decisions are made-in fairness, this year’s winners were a lot more satisfying than usual and I think all of us felt that Parasite was a well-deserved win. I really thought it was gonna be Once Upon a Time in Hollywood just as a bit of a token gesture to Tarantino considering it’s his 9th film, though undoubtedly his worst of the ones I’ve seen, so I was relieved that this wasn’t the case. That being said, it still pains me to see the horror genre being ignored by the academy-in my mind, Florence is here for her performance in Midsommar just as much as Little Women. 

At the risk of getting repetitive, just assume my opinions on Charlize Theron in Dior here are the same again, that Cynthia Erivo is still bringing goddess energy (this is probably my favourite of her looks), and that against the opinion of the masses, Florence looks divine in this colour. I mean, when I say the masses I just mean the people I follow on Twitter, but still, I just wanted be an excuse to be dramatic so that I could insert a meme.

(L-R: Natalie Portman in Dior, Regina King in Versace, Scarlett Johansson in Oscar de la Renta, and Sandra Oh in Elie Saab)

Once again, Scarlett Johansson’s stylist is doing God’s work; this outfit is everythingggg-the Oscar de la Renta dress is probably my favourite thus far. Like we’re talking angel, but make it fitted and sexy, and I hope you read that in the Tyra Banks voice I intended because 2 memes in a row would rob me of any credibility I’m building as a fashion account and I’m not ready to trash that for bad memes just yet; give it a couple of mental breakdowns and I’ll be there. Natalie Portman’s look was a favourite of mine too, with the cape over the top adding a sophisticated touch to the celestial, slightly bohemian feel of the dress. I initially found the detail of the names embroidered into said cape to be quite moving-in a dream world, directing would be my career of choice and so I really admired the statement-but finding out that Portman herself is the only director hired by her own production company ruined that for me a little bit. Then again, multi-millionaire celebrities making performative gestures for good publicity and not doing all that much to make any real change? Colour me shocked.

(L-R: Beanie Feldstein in Miu Miu, Brie Larson in Celine and Billie Eilish in Chanel)

Now, of all the Miu Miu looks so far, I think Beanie Feldstein definitely got the best one. The intricacy of the embroidery, the silhouette, the old Hollywood stye curls-it’s all so graceful. I’d say this is probably her best look of awards season and she and her stylist did a really great job.

And as for Billie Eilish...Guys...do you think she might be wearing...Chanel...by any chance? I’m not sure.

Seriously though, as far as an oversized tweed suit with the brand’s logo emblazoned all over it goes, I like this look. The acid green roots and the jewellery are what make it for me, adding to the grunginess of the outfit which is interesting against Chanel’s prim and proper aesthetic of the last few years. I know she has good reason for the way she dresses, but I’ve never quite been able to appreciate it-this outfit proves to me that her style doesn't automatically equal ugly and occasionally, she can make it work.

(L-R: Leona Lewis, Colton Haynes, Dita von Teese)

Elton John’s Oscars afterparty being the less exciting of the two big ones in terms of fashion-the other being the Vanity Fair afterparty which I’ll cover in a moment-I thought I’d whizz through it (posturing aside though, I bet Sir Elton’s party was a lot more fun).

(L-R: Chiara Ferragni, Donatella Versace, Bella Thorne)

This is a big statement considering Alexa Demie attended, but I think Chiara’s outfit and overall styling might be my favourite of the partygoers; if they decided to do a live action Barbie film in 2020 minus the PG ratio-because lets be real, she’d be a noughties Paris Hilton type and get up to some SHENANIGANS-this is the look that would become iconic. 

(L-R: Ashley Greene in Off-White, Alexa Demie, Sydney Sweeney, Annalynne McCord)

It was a hard decision to make though: I’m just as into Sydney Sweeney’s interpretation of burlesque come 1950s red carpet Barbie, Ashley Greene’s surprisingly delicate Off-White number, and Alexa’s dress and (as always) impeccable styling. That being said, Chiara’s clearest contender here for the best dressed of the night is Annalynne McCord. I know I'm one to throw similes around but she looks like an ACTUAL Disney princess-the dress is magical and an absolutely flawless fit. She carries it with such grace. I'm truly in love.

(L-R: Tessa Thompson in Versace, Vanessa Hudgens in Vera Wang, SZA)

As for the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty, there were SO many iconic moments this year. SZA was the definition of the fire emoji, Tessa Thompson’s throwback Versace was the mermaid’s take on BDSM fashion I never knew I need to see, and I’d die to turn up to my graduation ceremony (here’s hoping for a successful attempt at the old uni shebang this time, lol) looking as elegant and simultaneously extra as Vanessa Hudgens did in Vera Wang. I mean, this was before Vanessa went on her dumb Instagram live corona rant because she was upset she couldn’t go to Coachella and I still kinda lived for her, mostly because of moments like this. She’s always been the queen of channelling a more hedonistic, carefree era and this dress is the most refined example of that boho decadence yet. It sounds dramatic to say but the rich purple is such a bold choice considering it’s a a colour we rarely see on the red carpet but now I’ve seen eggplant coloured silk I need it, lol. 

(L-R: Suki Waterhouse in Fendi, Lili Reinhart in Marc Jacobs, Lucy Boynton and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

Then there was Suki, Lilly, Lucy and Margaret as well who all went full angel mode in some of my favourite runway looks of last summer’s haute couture week; Suki’s Fendi dress and Lili’s Marc Jacobs number were highlights of both their shows and there’s something even more magical about them both when the uniformity of the runway is removed. I also would go on about how much I love Lucy Boynton’s style for the millionth time but I think you get my point.

(L-R: Nicole Richie, Cynthia Erivo, Hunter Schafer, Billie Porter)

The more I look at the photos I saved from the Vanity Fair “red” carpet, the more I come to the firm conclusion that these looks are my favourite as a collective. Along with the elegance and sex appeal of the outfits above, we’ve got all these looks too which are so VIBRANT and fun and experimental. Billie Porter is absolutely majestic and continues his reign as the king of in-your-face, theatrical red carpet style, and Hunter and Cynthia look so radiant. Whilst Nicole’s look isn’t as colourful, she still brought drama with the satin gloves and the smoke lined eyes, and she is definitely ready to step on someone’s neck here.

(L-R: Halima Aden, Ella Balinska in Schiaparelli, Emma Roberts, Ciara)

(L-R: Kiki Layne in Michael Kors, Kim Kardashian in Alexander McQueen, Kylie Jenner in Ralph and Russo, Lashana Lynch in Michael Kors)

(L-R: Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stella Maxwell, and Sarah Paulson with Holland Taylor)

I’ve got to say, it’s really cool to see Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen too; it’s interesting that as far as I know, she and Joey King were the only ones to wear her this awards season, both being up and coming actresses. It would be a good choice for the brand, probably best known for its futuristic, conceptual aesthetic, to also focus its PR efforts on the young potential inheriting that future. Orrrr it could just be that Rowan, Joey and I have the same (good, lol) taste-not gonna lie, from my experience of stalking her instagram Rowan Blanchard does make some unique fashion choices and her feed is full of bold outfit inspiration.

(L-R: Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo, Alessandra Ambrosio in Armani, Billie Eilish in Gucci, and Donatella Versace in Versace)

Then there’s Billie Eilish, who is really on another level. This is her second custom made baggy suit of the night, this time Gucci. IMAGINE. Chanel and Gucci making custom pieces to suit your very specific style. Again, though, I really like this; whilst it’s very clearly a Billie outfit, it’s got a level of sophistication, cohesiveness and glamour to it that takes it to that I can admire. 

(L-R: Camila Mendes in Moschino, Barbara Palvin and Dylan Sprouse, and Chiara Ferragni)

Honestly, the Vanity Fair red carpet really belonged to young talent this year, and Camila Mendes in one of my favourite Moschino looks from the Picasso collection really seals it. She could’ve just gone for a basic pretty dress-this isn’t a natural choice-but she really does have the proud, regal look of a woman who knows some man is gonna paint her a portrait that will end up in a famous gallery one day. 

One last thing before I move on, though. How the fuck does Chiara Ferragni get everywhere?! And by that I don’t mean how does she get invited, I had the shock of finding out this woman I followed on Instagram because I liked her outfits and thought she was pretty is a hugely successful businesswoman in Italy long ago. Power to her. She’s a big deal! I get it! I just mean, physically HOW? How do you hit Elton John’s party AND the Vanity Fair party in one night and look this good? God really does have favourites, huh. Well, I guess in this hypothetical scenario where I believe in him anyway. 

The SAG Awards

(L-R: Dakota Fanning in Valentino, Kaitlyn Dever in Ralph Lauren, Scarlett Johansson in Armani, and Zoe Kravitz in Oscar de la Renta)

So, I kinda forgot the SAG awards existed and thought that my post was basically finished before I looked in my folder and saw the one dedicated to this ceremony. My initial reaction was like “oh, this is the shitty Oscars, right?” and I assumed the red carpet would be shit and that I could call it a night-it’s 3:30am, I wish I was calling it a night-but then I looked and saw that I had even more outfit photos saved in that folder than I did for my Oscar dedicated one. Because fuck, I want to to sleep, but the SAG awards had a surprisingly good turn out?! So maybe not as irrelevant a ceremony as I thought? Because Dakota Fanning turned up looking like some divine mythical being again, Scarlett Johansson pulled another incredible look out the bag, Zoe Kravitz was a modernised Audrey Hepburn, and Kaitlyn Dever read my comments about her dress being “timelessly pretty” and said “bitch, you really thought” before showing up looking hot as fuck. Truth be told, I think the SAG awards were first but in this universe where Kaitlyn Dever would pay any attention to my opinion of her outfit do we really care? 

(L-R: America Ferrera, Andrew Scott in Azzaro Couture, Camila Mendes in Ralph and Russo, Caleb McLaughlin )

(L-R: Lupita Nyongo in Louis Vuitton, Lily Allen, Nathalie Emmanuel in Miu Miu, Cynthia Erivo in Schiaparelli)

See, I was going to make a comment above how I took back what I said about Camila Mendes not just going for pretty dresses (which I guess I just did here instead-JUST TO BE CLEAR SHE STILL LOOKS STUNNING) and then I uploaded the next photo set and got distracted by 2 things:

1. How weird it is that British legend Lily Allen, who does not get NEAR enough credit for her smart her songs were might I add, is dating David Harbour AKA. Hopper off Stranger Things!?

2. How mad I still am about Game of Thrones and how dirty the writers did Nathalie Emmanuel (and Emilia Clarke and Lena Heady and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and basically everyone else on that show but that’s another story).

In this same universe where Kaitlyn Dever cares about my opinion can we make the issues I have in the last bullet point not exist? Please?

(L-R: Sophie Turner in Louis Vuitton, Renee Zellweger in Maison Margiela, Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Armani, and Renee Bargh)

(L-R: Gwendoline Christie in Rick Owens, Madeline Brewer in Monique Lhuillier, Kathryn Newton in Valentino, and Lili Reinhart in Miu Miu)

Finishing off the SAG looks, we’ve got the four above. 

Once again, Kathryn Newton was Valentino’s blushing crown jewell; Allie Pressman hate aside, she really is the perfect dressing up doll for the brand. Fresh faced and poised, she has all the elegance and gentle femininity necessary to make floating down the runway as Valentino models do look natural, and Lili Reinhart did an equally good job being a Miu Miu girl. She makes that idiosyncratic cutesy-ness work, all the frills and fragility of a china tea set look easy where I’d just look like I’d been consumed by a charity shop doily. Madeline Brewer did a good job too, helping a Monique Lhuillier design pop in a way that it doesn’t usually. When your hair is bright red and your dress cerulean blue, coral tinted lipstick is a *ahem* choice, buuut in this case it paid off because the result is a look which demanded my attention-ML dresses are reliably pretty, however, they tend to be predictable. Madeline and her styling did a good job subverting that formula. To end the section, though, I feel it’s only fair to save my fave woman til last-probably one of the few people in the world that isn’t a Rick Owens model that can pull off his designs. Ofc, I’m talking about the queen that is Gwendoline Christie. If we’re talking embodying brands, she did justice like nobody else could to the spectacle of Owens’ formidable, out-of-this-world aesthetic. This is her version of the princess moment, and when you’re as striking as she is, nothing less would do. 

At least my girl Brienne of Tarth is thriving<3

The Grammys

(L-R: Ariana Grande in Giambattista Valli, Cardi B in Mugler, and Pia Mia in Julien Macdonald)

TBH, like I said with the Brits, I never planned to do any music award ceremony red carpets, just because I feel like the fashion tends to be more geared towards a younger audience buuuut I’m kinda glad I changed because Ariana looks INCREDIBLE. MESMERISING. TRANSCENDENT. JFC. There’s a reason the photo of her on her Wiki page has been changed to one from this night and it’s because she looks absolutely exquisite, like some kind of moon goddess with an R&B touch which I suppose is kind of her brand? Sometimes I go kind of lukewarm on Giambattista Valli and forget how mystical but at the same time frothy and indulgent and all around luxurious the pieces can be. This is a cupcake of a dress and I want to eat it. Cardi B has become a bit of an unexpected fashion icon and Pia Mia looks as hot-party-girl as ever but I feel to put anyone next to Ariana in this dress seems harsh because she just completely stole the show and I don’t even know if she won any Grammys.

(L-R: Josephine Relli, Gwen Stefani, Jameela Jamil in Georges Chakra, and Chrissy Teigen in Yanina Couture)

Other than Ariana, I’m not gonna lie, there was nothing wildly exciting, BUT I did think there were some beautiful colours out on the runway-plus for all her occasionally bad takes I really like what Jameela Jamil stands for and her style has always been very quirky cool. The electric blue tiled effect with the black mesh underneath kinda reminds me of a peacock, and contrasts wonderfully with the carpet-it’s very reminiscent of her T4 days. She’s one of those people that seems to get aggression directed at her that’s completely disproportionate to whatever it is she’s supposed to have done; sometimes the way she goes about saying things is wrong but the intention behind what she’s saying is usually good. Then again, the internet still despises Chrissy Teigen (in a way that’s kind of excessive considering what we seem to collectively let some people get away with) for a dumb AirPods tweet and I’ve included her too. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT, this time anyway. I just think she looks good!

If I’m going to get controversial about anything, it’ll be Gwen Stefani. She looks stunning, the dress is stunning, and the boots are stunning. The outfit is not my problem! My problem is how she seems not to have aged at all. This woman is 50 years old! That she drank the blood of her Harajuku girls is the only explanation here. Can you imagine if she tried to pull that shit today? She’d get rightly accused of being a culturally appropriating weeb in about 10 seconds flat and we’d have to pretend to stop liking Cool and Hollaback Girl. 

(L-R: Finneas O’Connell in Gucci, Lucky Daye, and Shaun Ross)

(L-R: Tess Holliday, Dua Lipa in Alexander Wang, Tyler the Creator, and Grace Elizabeth in Giuseppe di Morabito)

Back to what I’m supposed to be talking about in this blog post: the fashion. And here, most importantly, Tyler the Creator looking like a cast member of the Grand Budapest Hotel. IDK why. But I love this man.

(L-R: Lil Nas X in Versace, Lizzo in Versace, and Shawn Mendes in Louis Vuitton)

(L-R: Billie Porter, FKA Twigs in Ed Marler, and Swae Lee in Giuseppe Zanotti)

See in general, the men were a lot more interesting on the Grammys red carpet. With the exception of Twigs, Dua and obviously Ariana, the men’s outfits are a lot more memorable; Billie Porter became the most fashionable meme on the internet, for god’s sake. And even when their outfits weren’t extravagant, they were just more interesting, imo, which is a rare occurrence. I didn’t expect Finneas O’Connell to be the writing half of Billie Eilish (the other half being Billie herself) I cared about and yet, in that Gucci blazer, here we are. 

(L-R: Jessie J, Hailee Steinfeld, and Madison Beer)

(L-R: H.E.R, Usher, FKA Twigs, and Matt Shultz)

Of the afterparty looks, my favourites are what we can see of these more casual outfits-I love what F.K.A Twigs and H.E.R are wearing, the headscarf with the leatherjacket on top is in particular very throwback rockabilly, and I’m even into whatever it is Usher’s got on.

(L-R: Olivia O’Brien, Amine, and Alrissa)

(L-R: Salem Mitchell, Machine Gun Kelly, and Sydney Sweeney)

Now, how to round this all up!? How to relate the confusingly persistent but very welcome presence of Sydney Sweeney on, like, ALL these red carpets back to the MET!?

IDEK. It’s been a long year. 

The Met Gala has usually come and gone before we know it, but with everything going on, it’s been the longest January-May I think most of us have ever known. I keep going on about COVID-19 in all my posts now but I have almost forgotten how to write an intro and outro because the pandemic is pretty much consistently on the brain and unless I have something right in front of me to use as a distraction, my mind tends to wander off into a very anxious place. I think, like many others, I feel frustrated and disappointed and angry with the way the situation is being handled by the people who are supposed to protect their citizens, and by how much of a fight some are putting up against measures that are in place to try and save lives. The point of this ramble, I guess, is that whilst we should never forget what’s going on and do the best we can to help prevent the spread of the virus, it’s okay to still care about mundane shit. Was this post one big long distraction for me? Probably. But if there’s something harmless you can do to keep your anxiety at bay, don’t feel bad for doing it. Contrary to popular belief, you can care about more than one thing at once. You can be sad that something you were looking forward to has been cancelled whilst still being sad for the people who are suffering because they’ve lost love ones or who have been forced into precarious living conditions. If talking about clothes on the internet is going to help you get through this pandemic, power to you.

If anyone has read til the end, thank you! I hope you are well! As always, feel free to reply to the post or inbox me with your thoughts! It doesn’t even have to be related to this post. If you’re struggling with everything going on, feel free to reach out too. I spend too much time on the internet anyway, lol! My plans are to finish my fashion week reviews and then I have a Lana Del Rey albums inspired lookbook which I pinched off the stans on Twitter (who I will of course credit when I write it!). For the time being, look after yourselves!

Lauren x

[probably-voldemort]

FanFic Ask: C K P T X Y?

C: What member do you identify with most?

I’m gonna assume this is specifically towards The 100 because that’s what I write the most.  And even narrowing it down to a single fandom doesn’t really help lol.  I identify with aspects of different characters and don’t identify with other aspects so like I really don’t know how to answer this so I’m gonna change it to a different question: Which character do you like to write the most?  And that answer is definitely Murphy.  He’s just fun and I think I’ve mastered his POV

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Okay so I can’t decide which is more angsty so here’s two.  Both are in the darling au btw.

Option 1 involves Murphy getting the nightblood and being in doctor school with Clarke on the Ark and Murphy and Clarke both being left behind on the ground during Praimfaya.  But in this AU the nightblood works, but Clarke gets exposed to too much radiation for the nightblood to fully work.  So Clarke’s dying and they both know it (even if Murphy won’t admit it).  And Clarke’s also pregnant with Seph.  And there are things they could try, theoretically, but neither of them knows shit about reversing radiation poisoning and there’s basically nothing in the records in the lab.  And anything they can think of to try would kill the baby and Clarke’s not having that.  If they kill her and the baby, Murphy’ll be alone.  She’s gonna die anyway.  So Clarke’s getting sicker slowly and then she has the baby and then Murphy makes her start trying things right after but she still dies at some point later.  I think Seph might be like one ish almost in my outline?  Idk.

But yeah.  In this AU, Emori is usually alive and up in space.  Clarke wrote a series of letters for Seph and Bellamy and Murphy.  (Seph’s are for birthdays and special occasions.  Bellamy just has one, for when he gets back down.  Murphy has the most, because Clarke knows how much he hates being alone and hopes they’ll help.)  Sometimes I have Murphy getting into the bunker pretty early into Praimfaya but still after enough time that he breaks down, and sometimes I have him and Seph (and maybe Madi if I feel like making her exist) just alone on the planet the whole time.  But the idea for this fic is that it would be a mix of Bellamy having arrived back on Earth to the whiplash revelations that holy shit Murphy’s alive that means Clarke could also be alive to Clarke was alive but now she’s not to holy shit I have a daughter and Murphy learning to share his kid with her biological dad (and probably them falling in love idk) and then the whole Murphy and Clarke and Seph through Praimfaya part, with like the two timelines going on at the same time and switching back and forth through the chapters.

Option 2 involves darling happening as it does, except Spacekru probably isn’t hearing the calls.  This one diverges when Rosie’s born, and Clarke dies.  (yes I know these are both very angsty on Clarke’s end but there is plenty of Murphy angst stuff in the works too it just doesn’t qualify for this particular answer) Sometimes in this one it involves him and the girls finishing digging up the bunker after only a couple months and then some high key angst where he finally lets himself break down for the first time once they’re in the bunker and the girls are asleep in like Octavia or Abby or Miller’s bed and for a moment he doesn’t have to be strong for them.  Or it goes with them still having a few years before the bunker opens and it’s a bunch of angsty angst and him yelling at the radio when the kids aren’t around for someone to fucking answer him already.

Chances are I won’t ever write either, but Option 1 is definitely a more realistic option in terms of me actually ever writing it because it diverges pretty quickly in the story and wouldn’t just be the same fic for most of it.  But you never know!

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

It honestly depends on the fic but I think I mostly plot the bigger thing and random scenes and then just make up the rest as I go.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

I don’t like writing specific career based ones.  I always get way too focused on what’s actually realistic and it ruins it for me.  I’m totally chill with reading it though.  Other than that I don’t really know??  Sometimes I’ll read a fic and there’s just so much hate for some character that doesn’t have anything to do with the fic itself and that bugs me.  Like if the character makes appearances and you have them being a dick is one thing but to be like “so and so’s ex” or just mentioning them in passing and just bashing them as a character just because you as the writer don’t like them is just unnecessary and is definitely something that can make me click out of a fic

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

All of them?  Lol angst is my jam so I honestly can’t pick

[bensiskos]

star trek asks!! 1, 2, 4, 14, 17, 20, & 25

:00 kit thank u ♥️,, I fuckin love Star Trek

1 - whose your favorite character throughout all the series?

Hmm for ds9 probs sisko, just because well I love him. Tng maybe Deanna or uhh Guinan. Voyager is def Tuvok. He’s so cool. Ent is a toss up between t’pol and hoshi. Lower decks is just. All of them but especially tendi ♥️♥️♥️♥️

2 - is there a series you can’t stand, Why?

Well I can’t say I hate enterprise but like. It’s not the best. It has so many bad moments and the ending was hoo boy..

4 - tell us your favorite scene or memory from the series or fandom

Uhh I guess my favorite scene would be any scene from ds9 where they’re just having family fun, take me out to the holosuite, that one scene where sisko is cooking and bashir is being iffy about the beets.

14 - if you could write a episode or book on the series what characters would you pick and what would be the plot line?

Okay so, what the fuck happens after odo goes back to the link?? Does he reverse the policies the dominion has on everything?? What does he do? I’d write a book exploring how he handles attempting to change an entire institution that’s been around for 2 thousand years oppressing everyone,, like how do u do that

17 - character you can’t stand?

Okay so. Dukat is a fun character, love to hate him, but I hate Fanon Dukat.... just. Ew. Other then that not rly

20 - do you have any fanart, fanfic that you would share with followers?

... I may have some art of The Founder if anyone would like to see... I’ll post it if u guys r interested but I will warn you it’s extremely self indulgent

25 - if you could cosplay as someone from the series who would it be?

I actually went as a low effort Kira nerys for Halloween 2 years ago! But probs either Ezri Dax, or maybe Keevan? He seems fun.

Kit I love u btw/p

[mocweepe]

140 and 136 are 2 of my fave questions soooo! :00!! -lake

140: Where do I want to live when older?

136: Was I named after anyone?

2: Age

oooh tht first ones a real thinker!!!!!! im gonna answer dese in reverse order, tyssssm!!!!!!!!!!

im 15, but soon (7/7) im gonna be saying 16 :00 time is soso wack ASDFGHJKLDHDJSJS

pfff dis onez gonna take a sec since i have so many names. my deadname iz da middle name(s) of 1 of my great grandparents actually :DD nd lucas is a kinnie name after lucas miller (taz:b) xDD. uhhhmd other than tht: milo (loa), reid (criminal minds. look i watched it in like middle school nd i recognize iz Major copaganda but if he were real hed be smart enuff 2 be acab nd i stand by dat :///), nd i chose sloth after a character 4 dat 1 "if humans had personalities based off animals au" on tiktok cuz i related 2 it highkey ^♡^ xDDDD

EDIT: I POSTED IT 2 EARLY AHHHHH GIMME A MINUTE

guess who has bad memory nd forgot 2 fiiinish?? iz me lolol. neway!!!!!! where do i wanna live when im older 😗😗 hmmmmmmmmm somewhere colder i think!! i get hot Way 2 easy, so deffo up north ^^ specifically tho... idk!!! probably in a city maybe?? id like 2 be able 2 walk place 2 place, or at least not have 2 drive 4 long!!!! itd be super super cool 2 skate mostly actually!!!!!! i dont have a specific location other than tht tho. id 4 sure wanna live near forests tho!!!!!! maybe a national forest or camping grounds or smthn :))))))

in terms of housing. a smallish house would be fun! one floor, but maybe a basement too!!!!! id use my yard 2 have a garden nd id decorate however i want!!!!!!!! nd itd be Way cleaner than where i have 2 live now! id want plenty of closet space 4 clothes nd id have a desk in my room 4 sure!!!!!! id have a bunch bunch bunch of frog plushies nd id have my bookshelf in there!! my living room would be on the smaller side probably, but v cozy!!!!!!! nd id have enuff counter space 2 bake :DDDD

EDIT: WAIT... U DIDNT MEAN QUESTION 2 ASDFGHJKLDHDJSJS MAYBE IM DA STUPID HEAD 😔😔😔😔 /JJJ

there would be no carpet >:// dats right, im a carpet h8r they just take so much effort!!!!!!!!!! rugs r superior nd i stand by tht 😤😤😤😤😤 my house would rlly Truly be a home nd id have enuff xtra space if my friends ever needed somewhere 2 go. id keep every1s fav snax in stock!!!!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 itd be safe and secure nd everything good! there might be some daddy long legs nd/or ladybugs in the winter but itll still be clean nd they will always be gently carried out 2 a safe part of the yard 😌😌

nd the yard will be a healthy ecosysten btw none of dat green turf only crap >:[[ oh!!!! nd there would a small porch w a swinging couch thingy!!!!!!!!! :DDDD i love dose uwuwu

okie im finsihed 4 real tyssssm 4 sending da questions 🥺🥺🥺🥺 bc ily nd also u said dey were ur fav im sending dem back 2 u!!!! >:333

[skyfrost-nail-kincare]

Could I get a shufflemancy or tarot reading for my enderman canon? I don't have many memories and would like to know more! thanks!

Oh! For the shufflemancy could you use the Spotify The 1975 station? Again, thanks!

oh yeah hell yeah !! i’ll do the shufflemancy up top and then below the cut i’ll get u a past life tarot reading since shufflemancies don’t always work tht well for me LMAO 

shuffled 7 times bc tht number resonates w me and i think it’ll give me strong answers, and since u didn’t pick a number !!

the song i got was heather by conan gray (it’s a soft bop whoa i can only hear thru one ear rn bc the other is clogged but what i CAN hear is super pretty)

SO what i get out of this is less of a romantic interpretation, and more of a thing where like. i have a feeling you wanted to befriend someone that was against you? idk why i get that sort of vibe. like i sorta think you wanted to be friends w the human player(s), but that they didn’t like u (and possibly were friendly w another mob? dunno) 

while it COULD b romantic idk it doesn’t give me the vibes even tho the song’s vibes r romantic, i just have this Intuition ab it

aaaaand there u have it !! shufflemancy !! don’t forget, tarot is below the cut!!

- mod sayori [jennifer]

SO we r using my custom spread again, let’z go [also my deck uses princesses instead of pages, just a note!!]

past: the tower reversed (when i tell u i jumped)

this card speaks of avoided/delayed disaster and a fear of suffering. you could’ve potentially gone through some life-altering (near-death?) experience rly early on, and whatever that might’ve been changed you from a “”hostile”” mob into like. more of a friendly enderman that just wanted 2 be friends w everyone!! bc u didn’t want to hurt anyone like u were hurt?

present: the star reversed

this card means insecurity, discouragement, and faithlessness. that tells me right away that your attempts to be friendly were unsuccessful, and it wasn’t even your fault. it was because no one thought of endermen as friendly, and your presence just didn’t give off the friendly vibe you wanted it to.

future: the princess of wands

this card is about exploration, excitement, and freedom. i guess eventually that you just sort of gave up on the whole friendship thing and pursued a life where you’d more uh,,, just roll with the wind? something tells me you befriended a lot of animals rather than other “hostile” mobs (or player[s]), like u got on better with them bc they could see your real intentions. (bc let’s be real, animals r better than ppl LMAO)

problem solving: the nine of pentacles

this card means a few things, but what stands out to me is the rewards bit of it. you solved the problem by searching for positives, usually. i can tell at first you’d wallow in the lonely feelings, because you had to learn like anyone else would, but you eventually learned to say hey, if they’re that judgmental, then maybe their friendship isn’t worth my time anyway. which btw that’s a lesson to learn 2 keep toxic ppl out of ur life :^O

problems: temperance

wowee this is my second time getting temperance in a reading!! anyway, it talks about the middle path, patience, and finding meaning. your problems were all about figuring out why others didn’t like you. but, as mentioned before, you were able to figure out how to deal!

the end: the king of cups

this card means compassion, control, and balance. the end of your life was probably around the animal friends you’d made. you were in complete control of the situation, except for the part abt ur time coming to a close, and you were content that you’d lived a complete life. 

overall i feel like this shed a lot more meaning and light on it, while the shufflemancy just painted it out as dark!! i’m glad i did the tarot reading too, bc now i’m also interested in ur timeline!! like as another enderman, this is actually hella cool!!!

ty for requesting !

[neicywrts]

Sis. Who tf else would I be here for?? [ dream ] for your muse to wake mine from a nightmare [ guard ] for your muse to step between my muse and danger [ sing ] for your muse to sing to mine || reverse any you want btw

@iraclemayrps

otp: in real life 

[ dream ] for your muse to wake mine from a nightmare | reverse

For the past couple of days, she’d been having the same dream. Ryan knew before getting pregnant that sometimes the hormones could cause…vivid dreams. She thought that maybe she would be an exception, since she had a rather smooth first and second trimester. But the third trimester of her pregnancy tested her strength. 

It started out the same every time. 

She was in a labor and delivery room at the hospital because her water broke in the middle of the night. Her husband was next to her, holding her hand and smiling. Her parents were on the other side, smiling and being surprisingly supportive. She was only dilated four inches but the nurses said everything looked great. But Ryan felt like something was off. She couldn’t feel her child. Throughout her pregnancy she could tell when her child was up, when she was asleep, and when she was restless. Overall, she could tell her baby was going to be active. She felt Zaina grow inside of her for nine months like a constant weight. But sitting in that delivery room, she felt…empty.  Over and over again she told the nurses and doctors that something was wrong, but they didn’t listen to her, saying that everything was fine. She tried to calm down. Maybe she was overacting. Maybe her nerves were getting the best of her. Taking a deep breath, she decided to take her doctor’s advice and drifted off to sleep. 

Gasping awake, she grabbed her side, where a sharp pain was spreading up her spine. That’s when she felt it. A warm liquid between her legs. Ryan ripped the white knit blanket off her legs. The large pool of blood beneath her was all the confirmation she needed. 

The scream she let out in her dream was the same scream that woke her from it. In her bed, not in labor and delivery. Sweaty and heart racing, she patted her swollen stomach. “Hey,”  Tariq sat up, his dark hair messy and his voice heavy with sleep. She turned to her husband with tears in her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. It wasn’t the first time she woke up screaming. “You had that dream again?” He asked, and she nodded. “Its okay. She’s okay,” he put his hand on her swollen stomach. Shakily, she lifted her hand and put it next to his. Ryan let out a deep breath when she felt her baby move, a small smile pulling at her lips. Maybe her scream woke her daughter up as well. “I don’t know why I keep having that dream. Maybe because it’s so close to the time.” Tariq’s hand rubbing small circles on her back further soothed her. He kissed the side of her head before getting up from the bed. “I’ma get you some ice cream,” because he always knew what she needed. Ryan smiled and laid back down, her hand caressing her stomach.  

 [ guard ] or your muse to step between my muse and “danger”

The trader joe’s on gold street was hell on earth, but the only place in the city where she could get dark chocolate orange sticks and crunchy broccoli bites. Being pregnant made the five o’clock crowd even more irritable. Tariq could sense it. He put his hand on her lower back while she pushed the cart—only because she insisted—through the aisle to get to one of the ridiculously long lines. Before her third trimester, she was okay with standing in long lines like these. She even prepared for it; queuing up her favorite podcast, or finding something interesting to read on her phone while she waited. But with her ankles on swole, her breast heavy and sore, and having to pee almost every five minutes, she did not have the patience. 

Ryan was turned around and facing Tariq, while his back was towards the crowd of shoppers. He didn’t notice the lady moving way too fast with her shopping cart and looking down at her phone, coming straight for him, but Ryan did. Stepping around him, she nudged the shopping cart out of the way before it could hit him. “Excuse you, get off your phone. You could hit someone,” Ryan snapped when the lady looked up at her. The lady’s eyes bulged, probably not used to being spoken to like that. “Woah, sorry, but it’s not that big of a deal,” the lady responded, looking genuinely confused. Ryan’s bitch switch flipped. “Not that big of a deal? You almost ran my husband over with your basket because you ain’t payin’ attention!” Said husband was trying to put himself in between Ryan and the lady, probably sensing his wife’s temper, but Ryan stepped around him again. The lady screwed her face up, “you need to calm down.” Perhaps she didn’t know that you weren’t supposed to tell a pregnant woman to calm down, but she was about to find out why you shouldn’t. “Oh no, I don’t need to do shit, but you need to—”

“Okayyy, baby stop,” Tariq had managed to pull her back in front of him and away from the lady who was five seconds away from meeting the back of Ryan’s hand. She didn’t even realize that she had began walking towards the lady once she told her to calm down. Knowing what was good for her, the lady rolled her eyes and walked off with her cart. Ryan eyed her until she couldn’t see her anymore. “As sexy as I find you getting all H-Town Hottie on somebody over me, you can’t fight while you’re pregnant,” he said, still holding her arm but looking like he wanted to laugh. Ryan’s lips pulled into a small smile, rolling her eyes at her husband. “I wasn’t gonna fight her…I was just gonna smack her.” 

[ sing ] for your muse to sing to mine 

Whenever she visited her hometown of Houston, Texas, she always tried to link up with her favorite five cousins. Ryan is an only child, but her Aunt Jacklyn had three daughters and two sons back to back, and they grew up thick as thieves. They endured church choir, Sunday school, Wednesday bible study, and every other family outing together while also going to the same schools k-12. The hardest part about moving clean across the country when she got engaged to James was leaving them. They were the only ones who were absolutely supportive of her relationship with Tariq, and the only family she actually enjoyed being around for a long period of time. They welcomed Tariq with open arms, and even invited him to their tradition of karaoke at Kibby’s on Saturdays. Ryan hadn’t been in ages and couldn’t believe that her cousins still went to the bar they had been going to since she was young. It was impossible for her to say no, even if she knew she would end up embarrassing herself in front of her husband and other friends. He teased her on the car ride to the bar, and she laughed and rolled her eyes at him. “I’m not singing tonight, so you’re not even gonna get the chance to record me, you jerk.” 

Not many people knew Ryan had a secret love for 90s r&b, another thing she and her husband had in common. Anita Baker, En Vogue, After 7 and Toni Braxton (and of course Adina Howard’s Do You Wanna Ride but that’s not the vibe right now) were a few of her favorite secular artist that she had to sneak and listen to while she was growing up. Her parents didn’t keep that type of music in their house, but her Aunt Jacklyn did. Whenever Ryan went to her house, and she and her cousins were left alone, they would sneak into her CD stash. They even choreographed dance routines to almost every song on En Vogue’s Funky Divas album. 

After a few tequila sunrises that were definitely missing the sunrise, her cousins Mary, Lynette, and Keisha bullied her into doing a song with them. “No, no, y’all, I’m not doing it!” she protested. “Like hell you not. It’s been years, Ry, c’mon,” Keisha said. They pulled her up and out of her seat anyway, dragging her to the makeshift stage at the front of the bar. Ryan looked back at her husband, who was grinning and cheering along with the crowd. She shook her head, but smiled. “What song are we even doing?” Her question was answered when she heard the first few notes of Giving Him Something He Can Feel. Their favorite song, and one of the few songs she used to sing lead on when they were making up dances. Ryan threw her head back and laughed. “Y’all, I don’t remember the steps,” she said while simultaneously getting into formation. 

What happened after that, she blames on the liquor. Although she complained about knowing the steps, they sure did come to her pretty quick. She and her cousins had the whole bar carrying on, but her eyes were trained on Tariq the whole time, a sultry smile playing on her lips. At one point, she broke off from the group. Sauntering over, she stopped in front of him, one hand feeling down her body while she slowly twirled her hips in a circle. That really got the party going, and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the look on her husband’s face. They finished their routine with a standing ovation. Ryan sat back down next to her husband, red in the face and hot. “That’s the first and last time you see that routine,” she laughed. 

[wexhavexaxhulk]

No more trickery

Summary: After Mysterio reveals Peters identity to the world, he finds himself back in Tony’s old lab. Tony happened to have left a present for Peter there.

Words: 1331        

Warnings: Angst and fluff. And more angst and fluff.

“....and...done” Tony said as he pushed the last few buttons.

“We’re gonna get you back, Pete, but I’m not sure I will make it.” He said to who, he did not know. Peter obviously but he wasn’t sure he could see him from where ever he was.

He had uploaded is consciousness to an A.I. He would be able to be there for Peter

“Stark on.” That was the wake word that would turn on the A.I.

A glowing Tony Stark hologram appeared, it was the same color as his arc reactor “Perfect”

“Tony! Let’s go on a walk!” Pepper yelled from outside of the lab.

“Coming” Tony replied, with out saying Stark off.

3 months later

“...Spider-Man’s real name is p- Peter Parker!-“

“What the fuck!”

Peter looked down at MJ, worry written all over her face. He could a) try to explain the video b) swing off to the compound or c) run away and never come back.

He went with b.

He went to the compound, swinging as fast as he could. He texted MJ sorry right after he left and turned his phone off.

Pepper has been at the compound lately, she has been very busy and thought she could focus on her work better here instead of at S.I.

“Pepper!” He yelled even though he knew she could hear him.

He ran all the way up to her office. She had been watching the news when it happened so she had been trying to reach Peter.

“Pepper!” He yelled again, this time she heard him.

“Peter!? Oh my gosh, I saw the news!”

“W-what do I do?! I-I’m freaking out I-I, how, w-why!?”

“Peter, honey calm down, we will get this sorted out.” Peter has no idea how she was staying so calm when his whole identity was revealed to the world but he was thankful.

She pulled him to a hug telling him that they will get it sorted out.

Peter was exhausted and Pepper could tell. “Go lay down, I will try and figure out what to do.”

“Pepper-“

“You need to rest, I got this.”

“Okay” He was finally starting to feel the exhaustion.

He walked through the halls not really wanting to go to sleep, he new he wouldn’t be able to and even if he could he’d just have more nightmares.

He found himself at Tony’s old lab.

He hasn’t been there since before the whole war with thanos happened.

He was hesitant to walk in. He grabbed the handle and turned but he didn’t push it open. He stood there for what felt like hours, although it was just a minute.

He pushed open the door. It looks like the last person to be in there was Tony, there was dust everywhere. Nothing had been touched.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. The lab brought back so many memories. The next thing he was standing in the lab crying.

“Hey kid.” That was Tony’s voice. Peter looked up.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter said. He couldn’t believe his eyes, it was him, but not him. Something was off.

“The one and only. I’ve downloaded my conscious onto a digital frame before reversing what thanos did, so I’ve basically become a glorified A.I. now. And how many times do I have to remind you? Just call me Tony already-“

“Stop.” Tears we’re still streaming down his face.

Tony looked up with confusion. He was about to say something when Peter interrupted.

“Your not even real, are you? You can’t trick me any more.”

“Wait what?” Tony said still confused as to what Peter was talking about.

Peter turned and stepped forward, right in Tony’s face.

“Hey underoos what are you-“

“Stop playing dumb, I’ve had enough of your game! You tricked everyone with the real Mr. Starks tech, you tried to kill everyone I love, and if that wasn’t enough already, you had to reveal my identity to the world right after framing me for murder! Haven’t you done enough damage already, Mr. Beck?”

“Pete, I’m not-“

“Leave me alone. Please.” Peter turned around and ran out of the lab stopping at the elevator.

“Peter, wait-“

Tony appeared behind Peter, not too close to freak him out. “Kid... what the hell happened to you while I was gone?”

“Just leave me alone!” Peter screamed. He was sick and tired of being tricked and lied to.

“Kid, it’s me.” Tony was trying just hardest to convince his kid. He didn’t understand what he was talking about.

“...prove it” Peter wished it really could be him. To have Tony back would be better than words can describe. “What is something that Beck wouldn’t know?”

Due to Tony being an A.I he can access the internet. He looked up Beck not knowing who Peter was talking about. Quentin Beck? Was he after Peter? He saw a picture of a hero named Mysterio who happened to look exactly like mysterio. He would have to figure out what was happening later. He has to gain Peters trust again first.

All of that happened in a split second.

“Uh...” Tony was going through many memories. He had to think of something that Beck wouldn’t know. Before he worked for Tony.

2010. Peter told him he had met him when he was little. He had saved Peter.

“In 2010 I saved you from one of Hammers drones. You lifted your little arm up and I shot at it. You had an Ironman mask on.”

Peter looked up, tears coming to a stop. “I-it’s you. It’s r-really.”

“Yeah kid it’s me. It’s really me.”

Peter ran up to give Tony a hug but went right through him.

“I’m sorry Pete, it’s me but it’s not actually me...”

Peter didn’t look sad, he looked like he had a bed idea.

“Peter, I know that face...” Peter chuckled. “Peter...”

“Vision.”

“Huh. Oh. No Peter. I don’t think that’s gonna work.”

“It might...”

Tony sighed, giving in to Peters crazy idea. “Your gonna need some help.” Peter smiled.

———

“Pepper! Come down to the lab!” Peter screamed.

“Can’t you just use FRIDAY?” Tony replied to Peters crazyness. Peter has been up for about a week straight working.

“Oh yeah.”

“Yeah, Peter? Have you finally decided to come out of th-“ Pepper stopped. “T-Tony? Is that you? I’m my god!” Pepper ran up to Tony and kissed him but pulled back. “I-I don’t understand, its you but... it’s not you.”

“It is his mind inside of a body like Visions.” Peter was very proud of himself, he built a Tony!

Pepper had a mix of emotions on her face. There was happiness, fear, sadness, confusion, and many more.

“You okay Pep?” Tony put his hands on Peppers arms. She flinched, his hands feeling cold and lifeless. What looked like grief clouded over her face.

“It’s him, but not exactly him. It won’t feel like him. Im sorry I got your hopes up Pepper.”

“It’s fine Peter, it’s more than fine actually. We still have most of him back.” Pepper smiled and it felt genuine.

“Are finally gonna start calling me Tony now?”

“I don’t know, I might have to, you have the power to take over the world being and A.I.”

“Your right, I do. Be nice or else!”

“I’m still in charge.” Pepper joined in on their banter.

“Yes of course, dear.”

It nice having some form of Tony back. He could be there for them physically. Yes he could interact with objects but hand to hand felt like hugging metal. Morgan can grow up with a father. If a father can fly and walk through walls. Not to mention they had two walking googles.

They eventually got kind of used to the feeling of Tony. It’s not like the living one, but it’s way better than no Tony.

Was it weird? Kind of. But it was their life, they loved it. They him. Even if he could take over the world in minutes. 

A/N: Wow! I posted on Tumblr and ao3! Look at me go! I love the way this turned out. Sorry I haven’t been posting I've been busy will school and volunteering. Btw go to my ao3 under the same username!

[iyata-zarette]

Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman Pt 3

Word Count:

Peter Parker/ Spiderman x Reader

A/N: if your marvel fan fic doesn’t have a stan lee ‘cameo’ (kinda), how is it marvel?

The next morning I woke up on time for school, but I didn’t feel like going to my first three classes. I was guaranteed an A in French and in chemistry so I asked my mom to call the school for me. She agreed, only if I could stay at the house this weekend while her and my dad were visiting my aunt out in Buffalo.

I agreed and thought about texting Peter to let him know we could meet at my house this weekend but I wanted to play it cool, so I decided I’d tell him when I got to school and I rolled over to try to fall asleep for another hour or so.

However, I couldn’t fall back asleep. I rolled back onto my back and sat up looking around my room. I decided even if my room wasn’t exactly messy, I was going to get something done if I couldn’t sleep. Moving around the room, I roamed around like a reverse tornado. As I moved around I could see my phone buzzing on my desk but I figured Michelle was texting me and she could wait.

I packed up my backpack and made myself a late breakfast and headed back to my bedroom to check my texts.

7 texts from MJ. 1 text from Peter. I smiled, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

Saving Peter’s text for last, I opened MJ’s messages.

MJ: hey where tf are u?

      r u rlly gonna make me sit alone in homeroom?

      rlly? I thought I meant more to u than that.

      read this article btw: link

      r u coming to school at all today?

      if ur coming late, buy me a coffee

      peter asked about u.

I smiled at her last text and opened Peter’s text.

Peter: didn’t see you w/ MJ in homeroom. are you doing okay?

I quickly responded.

(Y/N): why? worried about me?

Peter: no, just don’t want to get a bad grade on our project. :)

I giggled.

(Y/N): i’ll be at school before lunch.

Peter: can’t wait.

I read the text over and over again. Peter couldn’t wait… to see me? I smiled the entire time I got dressed and the entire walk down to my coffee shop.

After 20 minutes, I was headed to school. I decided to treat myself and take a cab to school and snap-chatted a picture of my two coffees to MJ before putting my phone away to look out the window. We pulled up the the light right before Midtown and I noticed a white car with tinted windows parked near the stairs up to the subway.

I held my breath as I watched a man walk up to the car from the stairs. He looked around and I finally saw his face: it was the man who I’d bit. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up as he got into the car and my cab turned to drop me off. I kept my eyes glued on the white car until it turned down the street and disappeared from sight.

“Hey, lady!” the cabbie was looking at me in the mirror. “The meter’s still goin.’”

I got out of the car in a daze and I walked towards school like a paranoid schizophrenic. I didn’t stop checking behind my back until I was in the office.

“Are you okay, dear?” the lady at the front desk asked. “You look a little pale and your mother didn’t mention you being sick…”

“I’m fine,” I said rubbing my clammy palms on my pants before picking up the two coffees again.

I got to my locker and then made my way to English. MJ was sitting in the back of the classroom and I quietly made my way to her. I sat down and slid her coffee across the table to her.

“Seemed like studying went well last night,” she said, not looking up from her phone. I turned and opened my mouth but she interrupted me. “I heard Peter talking to Ned.”

I nodded and took my things out and class started before MJ was able to interrogate me further.

——————

School was over and I paced at the front of the school. They had to be waiting for me this time too. I couldn’t understand how they’d found me and I certainly couldn’t understand why they were so interested in me.  

I was waiting for Peter inside the school this time as I peered from the windows, scanning the crowd for the men that attacked me. I realized I was at a disadvantage because I hadn’t seen the driver and he could easily be the one who was outside waiting.

“Hey, whats-oh,” Peter looked startled as I spun around like a deer caught in headlights. I glanced back out the window. “Are you okay?”

“No,” I sighed. He glanced around and leaned down to me. “You have to promise not to tell anyone.”

He nodded and I took a deep breath.

“Okay, I didn’t tell you everything that happened when I got lost the other day,” I began as I launched into the story. Peter listened to me without interruption and didn’t look particularly surprised when I mentioned Spiderman. He nodded and looked outside.

“You didn’t go to the police?” he asked.

“No, I thought it was just a fluke and I assumed after they’d been glued to their car, they’d have been picked up by the cops.”

Peter frowned and muttered something under his breath.

“Okay, well you’ve only seen them at school right?”

“So far,” I said, glancing out at the thinning crowd.

“Well, then as long as they don’t follow us onto the subway-”

“They know we’ll be headed that way,” I said interrupting him. He grabbed my arm and he towed me out the front door behind a group of band students carrying their instruments.

“We need to move now,” he said peeking above a trombone. “The longer we wait, the more students go home and the more vulnerable we become.”

I followed him, crouching a little. I kept scanning but Peter shook my arm.

“Keep your head down,” he said, turning away from me. “We’re almost there.”

I could see the stairs and my heart skipped a beat as I felt Peter’s hand around mine. He pulled me hard and we ran from behind the band kids to and up the stairs. Peter pulled me to the far end of the platform and after we stopped I began to turn my head to check my surroundings but Peter grabbed my face to stop me.

Our faces were inches apart and my breath hitched as he stared into my eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but continued to stare at me like a fish as the train pulled up to the stop.

“Peter?” I asked, glancing at the train. He shook his head and looked above me before pulling me onto the subway car.

Again there was no standing room, so we stood face to face; this time my hand entwined in his. I glanced out the window as the doors slid close to see one of my attackers standing on the platform scanning the crowd. I gasped and turned back around to face Peter, he looked down at me and squeezed my hand. My hand hurt from how hard I was holding on to him, but he was gripping my hand just as hard.

For a moment, it was just the two of us; nothing else around us mattered. I was getting lost in his eyes and he broke a smile. I felt my worry melt away as I smiled back up at him.

We jumped as an older man stumbled into us as he tried to get to an open seat. He gave Peter a dirty look and his mustache twitched. I watched in silence as the man got seated behind Peter and smiled when the old man smiled back at me. My hand began to tingle and I shook Peter’s hand off to crack my knuckles.

I took a big shaky breath.

“It’s nice to see you breathing again,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice but couldn’t bring myself to look at him yet.

I felt tears building up in the corners of my eyes now that I thought about the implications of what had happened the last few days. I looked back up at Peter and his smile vanished. Still holding on to the rail above us with one hand, he pulled me into a hug with his other hand. I pressed my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist as I tried to stifle my tears. Peter pressed his cheek against the top of my hair.

I felt safe in Peter’s arms and I took another big breath through my nose. Something stirred in the back of my head and I pulled away to wipe my eyes. Peter was looking down at me with concern etched all over his face.

“You smell safe,” I said, making him chuckle. I looked back down at his chest at the black mascara stains on his tee shirt. “Fuck, I’ll spot clean that for you.”

“It’s not a problem, May can probably…” he trailed off as I looked up at the map and moved towards the doors as we began to slow. “You know we have a couple stops left, right?”

“We’re getting coffee,” I said as the doors opened.

Peter followed me out of the subway and we didn’t speak the rest of the way to his apartment.

——————

“I think you’re ready,” Peter said as I circled the final answer on the study guide. “Just review questions like 35 and 47 and you should get an A.”

I sighed and laid my face on my study guide.

“Is that a guarantee?” I mumbled through smushed cheeks.

Peter laughed and I picked my head up to turn around to face him. In the time I’d spent with my back to him, he’d somehow managed to mess up his hair so it was sticking up in all different directions.

“We still have some time before you have to leave,” he said as he rotated his laptop towards me. The intro to the crime documentary was paused on his laptop and he stuck out his bottom lip at me. I glanced at my phone.

“Actually, my parents are leaving tomorrow for the weekend and I should probably go spend some time with them,” I said, immediately feeling guilty as he frowned down at his computer. “We can watch it after we work on our project at my house on Saturday?”

Peter nervously scratched the back of his neck.

“So, what are you do- what are you up to tomorrow?” he asked, nervously. My eyes widened and my cheeks felt warm. “I-I mean if you don’t, um, already have plans…”

“I, uh, I kinda already do…” I said feeling my cheeks burning. “MJ and I got invited to a party out in Brooklyn.”

Peter’s face fell and he looked away from me.

“But, you should totally come,” I said, quickly. “Bring Ned, I’m sure you guys would have fun.”

Peter turned back to look at me, almost smiling.

“Do you know how to get to Brooklyn?” he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

“I mean, even if I didn’t there’s always cabs-“

“Because I’m worried,” he continued, cutting me off. “That you’ll get lost.”

I pressed my lips together and held back a laugh as I tried to look as angry as possible. I looked around and grabbed a chess piece off his desk and chucked it at him. He caught it with one hand while he continued to laugh at me.

“Jackass,” I mumbled, standing up and looking around for my shoes.

“You’ll get over it,” he said, standing up. “You’re not gonna let me walk you home again are you?”

“Nope,” I said popping the ‘p’ with my tongue. “Just the sidewalk.”

Peter rolled his eyes but didn’t say another word as we left his apartment. As we walked down the stairs I tried to decide how I was going to get to school tomorrow. I could take a cab again, but I could only afford to take a cab so many times.

We got to the front door and Peter held it open for me to follow him out onto the sidewalk.

“Hey, do you take the same route to school?” I asked turning around abruptly. He looked a little confused but he nodded. “I was wondering if-uh-maybe, you’d wanna take the train-uh- with me?”

Peter’s face lit up immediately but quickly changed to a smug grin.

“You’re worried you’re gonna get lost, aren’t you?” he asked. I pouted up at him while I tried not to laugh. “Yes, of course I will. Do you know what stop to meet me at?”

I nodded and threw my arms around his neck, and thrust myself at him in a very aggressive hug that forced me to the tips of my toes. He barely budged when I slammed into him and I heard him laugh into my hair. His arms wrapped around my waist under my backpack.

I sighed as his arms tightened around me. We stood in each other’s arms a little longer than friends probably should, but I didn’t care.

“Thank you,” I murmured into his shoulder. “For earlier.”

He murmured something into my hair and we shifted so my feet were flat on the ground. Just like on the subway, it felt like nothing else mattered; it was just me and Peter. I wanted more than anything to stay in his arms but my phone began to ring in my back pocket.

I sighed irritably and pulled away from him to see that my mom was calling me.

“I should probably go,” I said as I shoved my phone back into my pocket. “But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright, get home safe. Uh, text me when you get there,” he said as I turned down the street. I gave him a thumbs up. “Unless you get lost.”

Without turning around I shot him a middle finger over my shoulder, earning a laugh from behind me. I heard his front door shut before I rounded the corner.

—————

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face the whole way home. I walked straight into my room and opened my window to let some fresh air in. Taking out my phone, I sent Peter a quick text.

(Y/N): made it

There was a chime from my fire escape. I curiously peaked out my window but the only thing on the fire escape was an abandoned bird’s nest.

Before I could investigate further I got a text from Peter.

Peter: kaow

I squinted down at my phone.

(Y/N): are you having a stroke?

Peter: No. lol

          I meant to say good.

          I’m glad you made it home safe.

I smiled down at my phone.

(Y/N): ok. c u tomorrow :)

Peter: can’t wait. :)

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I walked into the living room.

Peter Parker couldn’t wait to see me.