#quitting kratom

[kratomkittycat]

Relapse Journal Entry (03/21/23)

Last night, I took kratom extract again. It was after 1 in the morning when I had gotten home from work.

The recovery process has been extremely challenging for me emotionally. I have still been miserable, the way I described it in my previous messages, despite AA, Recovery Skills Group, therapy, and lots of coping skills. No matter how long I go without kratom extract, it still has its claws sunken into me and last night I couldn’t get the idea of taking it out of my head.

The only thing that was even really stopping me is that I was told by doctors and other people that if I were to take it while on my suboxone, I would either get very nauseous or it would just not work. But recently, I looked it up and found out it wasn’t true.

I had taken 2.5 mg of suboxone yesterday (1 in the morning, 0.5 shortly after, and 1 in the early evening). This medication is supposed to help with the cravings, however I noticed when I take more than this I get too sleepy to work properly.

This morning, I threw away all of the kratom extract that I still had in my drawers to prevent myself from taking any more. But what I really want to know is what can I do to make this easier for me emotionally, and to help me not crave it so much? I try so hard and put so much effort in, constantly making plans to distract myself and convince myself that I’m happy, but it feels like this has just taken over.

I just think it sucks that no matter how long I go without it I still can’t get it out of my head (how much I want to take it) and it shuts down all logical thinking. And it’s painful to make myself not take it anyway. It’s a really hard thing to have to chose between painfully not taking it or taking it and ending up like I did before.

And I want to be someone who can control themselves with dosing because I really don’t wanna deal with what always happens when I take it. I just don’t really know how to not take it like that. Because when I tried to take tolerance breaks before I just felt really bad. But what the heck, I feel really bad now as it is!! I’ve BEEN feeling really bad. Miserable.

I am in absolute wretched misery that I just can’t describe and I really need to take kratom extract otherwise I just won’t be able to get through today. I don’t know what to do 🥺

[prolibytherium]

Had someone at my work be like ‘I found this kind of guava root beverage that they only sell in smoke shops and it’s the first thing that’s ever helped with my pain’ and I’m like ‘. do uou mean kava or’ and she shows me a pic of a kratom seltzer and I’m like Oh Yeah Ok Kratom I Know Of It

[bergamotz]

bleh I wld like my various maladies 2 sort themselves out nd also 4 my brain 2 work right. this part is a catch 22 bcuz it's in part due 2 being addicted 2 kratom which is rlly hard 2 quit in large part bcuz ov how it fucks w my brain. everything feels flatter and more ridgid. the fact I'm not doing anything ever isn't helping w this but doing things w ppl wld also not help but in a different way. also epilepsy meds r not helping w any ov this. except the epilepsy. maybe.

[mrsmarlasinger]

I should be allowed to Ingest A Psychoactive Substance tomorrow, because my life is about to genuinely shatter and if I'm still in the mood tomorrow then I deserve a little substance abuse. As a treat. But which one 🤔🤔

[fallingupandrisingdown]

Wow everyone just wow, I'm using kratom again and let me say I've never smoked it before and hot dang I'm going to develop a problem with this I can already tell.

It's like when I used to vape opioids from the darknet except a bit less dangerous. The rush is just so warm and comforting, I have it with a bit of cbd isolate (they potentiate each other! That's so cool! Cbd also does that with dxm just FYI)

I've been mixing the kratom into weed as well as vaping off foil. I made an extract too but there's just something not as good about it. Maybe I need to do more than 1 wash of iso to leech out all those tasty alkaloids.

W/ding from dxm atm and this discovery has been most welcome. Now if only I had someone to do drugs and cuddle with, that would be so so nice~ I need to meet a nice femboy

[aheeheemwhimper]

so what IS weed a gateway drug too I'm ready to level up?

[kratomqueen]

kratom and nicotine have such an evil relationship

[lobotomy-lady]

KICKED THA FUCK IN & NOW ITS ALL SO SO SO PERFECT (: but I am bored. if u guys send me asks I'll be happy

took an edible for the first time in ages & it was only like 5mg but it kicked in unbelievably hard I feel lik that gif.oh I actually kind of hate this wow uh well. my kratom shots r coming in the mail any minute so maybe ill calm down once I've had one

[postcrashcurly]

A short list of Jimmy headcanons I've been tinkering with for a bit. CW: OCD and Hoarding Behavior, Trichophagia, Body Image, and a lot of other triggers tbh it's far too long to list just prepare for anything.

One. On earth, Jimmy has a hoarding problem that stems from not having a lot as a kid. His dad was physically abusive and his mom was emotionally absent, so he wasn't allowed any privacy, personal belongings, or comfort objects. So as an adult he keeps EVERYTHING. Every single birthday card, every receipt, boxes, old clothes, certain food wrapping items and empty cans. It's chaos but it's somewhat organized, and piles move around here and there. It's not necessarily *gross* in the traditional sense. There is no rats or roaches or anything like that- its just overwhelming to the outside observer. It has the potential to be much worse depending.

He compulsively reorganizes his belongings but he'll be sent into a blind rage if he feels he's lost something. Piles move back and forth from the living room and bed room. Certain objects of interest are always within eye-shot, specifically things like gifts or photos. He has a particular affinity towards gift-cards and enjoys the elaborate designs (even though he pretends he doesn't).

Jimmy gets incredibly defensive when anyone offers to help him clean up or move things around and worries greatly that someone may steal from him. The only person who's ever seen the inside of his place is Curly, and he's also the only person Jimmy has ever left unattended in his home. Every so often Curly is able to nudge him to pack things in different areas so it isn't such a fire hazard (because of the hoarding, Jimmy has a massive fear of house fires and losing his things), and so he can have better access to rooms.

The only "clean" areas are the kitchen and bathroom, and they are remarkably clean. This is something Curly doesn't understand but doesn't really bother to question because he knows Jimmy needs to have things a certain way.

Two. As a child Jimmy developed really poor coping mechanisms to deal with his home life. He used to eat his own hair, and because of this his parents always had his hair cut as short as possible. This is why he keeps it long as an adult, and even though he doesn't eat/swallow it anymore he likes to suck and bite on the ends sometimes when he's self-soothing.

Three. Jimmy struggles with his body image and isn't quite sure what he looks like. If you asked him to draw a picture of himself, it wouldn't resemble him well. He feels that he looks much smaller, weaker, and uglier than he really is, for which he overcompensates. This also means he is a lot rougher when making physical contact with people.

It is also why a lot of his clothes are ill fitting.

Four. Jimmy loved cats when he was younger. When he was a kid he used sneak around his parents to feed them dinner leftovers. He was particularly close with a little tabby that cried at his bedroom window every night and he'd always sneak out to pet her. His father grew sick of the strays hanging around the property and put out poisoned food, which unfortunately took out his tabby. To this day, he blames himself for making the cats comfortable enough to take food from his house.

Five. Jimmy has experimented with many drugs and had mostly positive experiences with them. He's particularly fond of Kratom.

Six. Jimmy doesn't try to understand people, he only learns what they expect of him and changes his approach depending on the person. Everyone is so vastly different that he struggles to keep up appearances with most people, so he often latches onto one person (Curly) and puts most of his energy into that.

Seven. Jimmy is the type to give up a hobby if he isn't good at it right off the bat.

Eight. Jimmy can't swim, he doesn't want to swim, and you cannot make him swim. It stems from having a fear of water, specifically fully submerging his head/face.

Nine. Jimmy has food sensory issues. Sometimes he even needs to spit out things he likes because his body refuses to swallow it. To avoid this in public spaces, he takes very small bites and eats very slowly. He orders comfort meals and if he wants to try something new, he'll just pick of the plate of who he's with.

Ten. Jimmy is a Red Bull guy, specifically the Coconut Berry one. This is very oddly specific but it just feels right to me.

Y'all should send me asks with some of your Jimmy headcanons (if you want) because I love to hear other peoples opinions and perceptions of his character, especially if you don't agree with mine I'd love to hear why!

[girlwhodoeskratom]

i'm kinda losing steam rn and feeling very mentally drained and my bf + kratom are the only things keeping me from quitting my job and going back to bedroom dwelling loserdom

[squishy-lombax]

This is quite an old art style challenge, for as you can see, G5 is not included. It actually inspired me to make my own art style challenge template, which you can find here.

Nevertheless, this template is a classic and I always wanted to fill it out. The ponies included are: Kitty Kratom (my OC), Firefly (G1 pilot), Fizzy (G1 Friends), Sweet Heart (G1 Tales), Silver Swirl (G2), Minty (G3), Toola Roola (G3.5), Rainbow Dash (G4), and Star Gazer (OC belonging to PonyScribbles)

This template belongs to Marbletoast and can be found here.

[satellitecock]

Didn't your parents ever tell you to respect people who're different than you?

Myoclonic Jerk

Involuntary contractions

incel singularity, mathematical fractions

Jimmy Carter is dead

With this rap, I'll put all haters to bed.

It's not memorial masturbation

It's just auditorial damnation

Jerking off in the office

I'm not working at the office

Oh, apologizes! A myoclonic jerk

Involuntary jerk off gone berserk

Flicking the bean of the mean machine

I say no drugs, and no to hygiene

Everything but my fit unclean

[necroticblue]

1 + 2 / 100 days of productivity part two

starting this challenge again because I really liked it :3 currently preparing for two oral exams, Czech middle ages on January 10th and European middle ages on January 14th, and a test from Intro to art history on January 15th

photos:

1) studying czech medieval art. I feel like I'm kind of falling behind but we ball. it will end up in a way

2) duolingo streak. I'm on 491 today but that's not as pretty

3) we were in the theatre yesterday with my family, the amateur group in the town (Vysoké nad Jizerou) has been active since 1786 and we saw a Czech play called "At The Stone Table inn" because my brother played one of the smaller roles. the director of the play saw us afterwards and was like "you're his family, you're the mother? HE'S AMAZING! he's great, I hope you're proud of him because you should be!", it was very sweet

4) studying Intro to art history. it's quite a chaotic subject but I'm getting through it, with the help of caffeine, adhd meds and kratom

[jasper-tarot-reader]

Hi jasper!!

They/them DB again :3

I am back for another reading if that is ok :D

This time i am looking for,, advice? On where to go or maybe where to restart with my craft

Background info: i've been very on and off with all this stuff and kept jumping around without a purpose, so im wondering if there is anything to know before i "lock in" i suppose lol

Im sorry if this doesnt make much sense but i trust u :3

Welcome back to the ask box, DB! For this reading, I have blended the As Above half of the Book of Shadows Tarot by Barbara Moore with the Spirit Allies oracle deck by Jill Pyle and Cidney Bachert! Both of these decks are very Wiccan, but they're also some of the more actually-craft-focused decks I own, so we'll just have to grit our teeth. You have received the 6 of Fire reversed, the 5 of Fire upright, and 31. Kratom for this reading!

Oh this is a delightful spread, sliding down from 6 to 5. And if you do the thing that tarot recommends and add the individual numbers of 31 (3 and 1) together, you get 4, continuing the slow slide. Quite nice.

So here's what's going on with the As Above deck. The suits are all renamed to their elements and assigned a category. In this case, Fire is planets and salamanders. Broadly speaking, this suit emphasizes things like candle magic - up to anointing, carving, and everything to do with that. The 5 and 6 of Fire, then, are Jupiter and Saturn respectively. Instead of reversals, this deck technically has shadow sides, which is what Saturn is portraying.

With me so far?

The reversed Saturn indicates the building of walls and retreat. The fear of failure overwhelms the desire to succeed. This may be a case where you're scared of things not working in your practice. As annoying as it is for things to not work when you put time into them, it's very important to understand that failure is not total. In the wise words of Miss Frizzle, "If at first you don't succeed, find out why."

So, I've been getting into planetary magic recently. Been dipping my toe in and making a document of keywords and correspondences and whatnot. Somewhere among all of that research, I came across the idea that Jupiter opposes Saturn. Jupiter is benefic and auspicious, while Saturn is harsh and malefic. Saturn is when you want to bind and punish, while Jupiter is when you want to grow and gain.

Jupiter, the Great Benefactor, is "like everyone's favorite uncle - generous, fun and charming", according to Barbara Moore. And I would agree. Jupiter is associated with things like prosperity, expansion, and religion/spirituality. This could mean that getting back into the actual spiritual part of your practice, if such a thing existed previously, could help. Otherwise, magic to help you and the folks around you is also a potential point to consider as you get back into your practice or rework it.

And now, for something completely different. Mitragyna Speciosa is a tropical evergreen from southeast Asia. Its leaves, the Kratom part, has been used in herbal medicine for chronic pain, opioid withdrawal symptoms, recreational purposes, and more...although the United States Food and Drug Administration disagrees.

As a card, however, Kratom asks you this: What are you trying to avoid or ignore that you know is a problem? What are you holding onto that's just holding you back? As you handle problems, you'll generally feel better, even if the solution may sting a bit. It's gonna be uncomfortable, but discomfort is a necessary part of life, even though we all hate it. This card actually ties back in with the 6 of Fire/Saturn card, in a way.

Whew! I see why @khajiit-reads pulls multiple cards for questions, I love the amount of detail I can put into this reading, even though it takes a bit longer. It's very nice to see how all the cards interact.

Anyhow, I hope this reading has been helpful! If you feel so inclined, please feel free to send feedback in my ask box, leave feedback in a reblog of this reading, and/or reblog my reading guidelines!

~Jasper

[kaonarvna]

Going through so much right now. Barely have the capacity to do much of anything aside from work and take care of myself and my spouse.

Autistic burnout is truly a cruel mistress. As is having undiagnosed ADHD, knowing what your unmet needs are, and not having the means to access the support you require.

Big vent below. Workplace ableism. ADHD/AuDHD vent.

My spouse is quitting his job again. It happens every year. We've only just now realised "oh my god, it's the autism. It was always the autism" for why he keeps hopping.

He's leaving the current job because they're failing to give him what seems like the most basic accommodations (written instructions, scheduled meetings/literally any notice instead of impromptu "informal chats" in hallways with no record, basic empathy).

He's being told off for "speaking too loudly" and "speaking too enthusiastically" even though all he's talking about with his colleagues is work. They took away his office to turn it into a meeting room, forced him into the communal office space, and have now told him to stop talking to himself or his colleagues.

It's heartbreaking. It's been slowly creeping in for months and it's taken too long for us to realise "oh my god, you need a diagnosis, this is just fucking discrimination, you need formal accommodations and support".

So he's off on the sick now because his stress has become so severe that he just can't function. Before he got the sick note he'd come home and crash every day, and dreaded going to work. He role-played being a warhammer 40k servitor (lobotomised and obedient worker drone, basically) to help him get through the day of staying quiet and doing nothing but work. He'd come home and need so much sensory input and support. And he slept so much, and so poorly. He started to "fail the speech checks" (massively miss social cues and say the wrong thing) with colleagues at work, and came home embarrassed in ways he never was before. He's a very very social animal, and didn't think he had social difficulties, but now he's so worn down that he's realised he does.

He can't mask anymore. He's so tired.

And now that he got that sick note, and plans to leave, he's not dreading waking up each day nearly as much. He's still in the sensory sock every day, and he's still sad and overwhelmed, but he's feeling better.

We've started the process of getting him a diagnosis, but it's going to take months and months and months. We don't really have months. We're going to start applying for new jobs for him, and hopefully get him out of labs. You'd think a chemical laboratory would be the perfect place for an autistic man who loves STEM, but management has always made it unworkable for him. He's always slowly forced out.

And I can barely take care of him, between working full time and having EDS. And I've finally realised I desperately need that ADHD diagnosis, and I need meds. I haven't felt like a person in so long. I haven't felt like myself in years. I feel like this abstract creature inside this horrible prison, and the controls don't work anymore.

Every mental health professional I've seen has asked me, "Have you ever been assessed for ADHD? You've already adopted all the coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes I could recommend. I can't diagnose you, but yknow, think about it."

I've always suspected it. I know I'm autistic. All signs point to ADHD too.

I looked back on every stimulant I've put in my body, and realised that all of them made my brain emptier. They all gave me more control. I was always more able to make choices and act upon them. But I used to associate that with the pain relief (think kratom, nefopam, etc) not the stimulant.

So when I got my pain mostly under control, and I manage it now, I couldn't figure out why I still had so little control over myself.

It's the fucking ADHD.

How much time have I lost to being undiagnosed and unmedicated? How much of my life has slipped down the drain while I paced back and forth, or laid in place "stuck", or ping ponged from incomplete task to incomplete task until I crashed? How much more pleasure could I have experienced if my brain wasn't full of constant noise and thirty different versions of the same thought?

How much have I hurt myself by going "you're fine, you don't need meds" for so many years?

I don't know how long it's going to take to get diagnosed. I've started the process and now we just...wait. But all the evidence points to "yes", and that "meds will probably work and make a massive difference for your quality of life". I might get to be a person someday, or at least a more fulfilled creature.

[smilesession]

kratom from the brand Nova is the best I’ve ever had in my entire life and it makes me feel neurotypical and human. and i always feel inhuman and fucking horrible otherwise. my baseline mental state since childhood has always been “inhuman and fucking horrible” and if you have the same severity of ptsd that I do I think you know what I mean. it’s quite life-changing to be on a mild daily dose of this stuff