#quick reblog is all i'm asking! you don't need to put something nice in the notes

[tbaluver]

Hi! I love all of your work!! It's literally perfect 🫶🏻

I hope it's not bothering you but if you're okay can you do about a reader that's still in university and kinda overwhelmed with her studies and presentation. I kind of feel down cause I have an upcoming presentation with my lecturer and I'm not really comfortable with him since he always yelled and shaming my class during our presentation. It's hard to not feel hurt with his words sometimes because he took it kinda personal like shaming our appearance (how we dress which is by university law is completely okay) and sometimes badmouthing us. Sometimes it's frustrating because if we don't understand something he outwardly calls us dumb and it's really upsetting since he didn't even help us. We rarely ask for help from our lecturer since my class is full with top students so to be turned down and called dumb is kind of upsetting.

I'm so sorry if it makes you uncomfortable that I end up yapping and rant here. But feel free to turn down my request! Hope you have a nice day~

When You're Stressed From School- The Love And DeepSpace Men

parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader genre: comfort a/n: hihi anonnie! don't worry you did not make me uncomfy i love it when you guys yap in my inbox! but i'm really sorry to hear that and it sounds rlly unfair to be treated that way. just remember his behavior reflects on him and not on your abilities. i believe that you've worked hard and prepared enough and that's what truly matters! i know it's easier said then done but try not to let his negativity affect you i believe in you, you got this! ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ and that goes out to all my other readers out there that is struggling with school right now! i hope this was okay and that you enjoy! good luck to all your studies everyone (∩˃o˂∩)♡ any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier:

He would make sure you would have taken breaks to eat, drink water, and clean your mind a bit. Any breaks would include going out of the house and a walk in the park to get some fresh air from the inside. He'll make sure to stretch with you so it'll take some stress off your shoulders.

While you continue studying, he'll play some calm/lo-fi music as you study. He'll rest his head on your shoulder or lap and asks you to explain the topic to him so that way it'll help you learn if you say it out loud.

He'll celebrate small achievements while you study. Anytime you learn and memorize something new, he'll take you out for ice cream on your break or to go get a quick yummy snack break.

If you were stressed about an intimidating professor, he'll listen to what you have to say while rubbing soothing circles on your hand. "I see, I understand that your teacher can be harsh but don't let that ruin all your hard work you've shown me. I'm always here to support you and I'll be right outside when you finish school."

And he will be waiting outside of your university with a bag of goodies for you. It's a small gesture but it's his genuine admiration and support for you

Zayne:

He would try his best to help you study. If it was a subject he knows well then he'll try his best to teach you. If he didn't he'll look up on easier ways to do it and show you. He'll also make you some tea to help you relax or cut up some yummy fruits or hand you your favorite snacks as you work. He'll sit beside you if you need him to help while he does his own thing.

He's very familiar with presentations. He's done them a lot with medical conferences so he'll be your audience as you practice your presentation to him. He'll help you memorize anything on your slides and maintaining eye contact.

If the teacher were to give you a hard time in class then he'll listen to your entire rant. He doesn't say much until you finish but you know he would be listening the entire time. He'll give you reassurance and advice after your rant.

"I've seen you put in so much effort, and you're already doing amazing. Remember, no matter how tough your teacher might be, you've done everything you could to prepare. I believe in you, and I know you're going to do so well."

He'll be waiting outside of your university next to his car. He'll have a box of bakery sweets waiting for you after a challenging day.

Rafayel:

He knows that school can be really stressful. He hates seeing you so upset and stressed for school. So his mission is to cheer you up. He'll be your personal cheerleader from the sidelines. On the day of your exams or presentation, he'll make sure to motivate you when you wake up. "You're going to do great no matter what happens!", "Once you're finished with school let's go to your favorite restaurant by the beach?"

He'll keep reminding you on how smart and beautiful you are. He won't stop until you admit it and until you kiss him. He has complete faith in you whether it's an exam or a presentation or both.

For your presentations, he'll gather all your plushies and set them up as your audience, silently cheering you on while you practice your slides and lines with them- and with him.

He'll offer a walk in the beach for a bit to get your mind off the work and for you to get some fresh air. "Can you please take a break, for me?" Any doubts that slip out of your lips, he'll tell you otherwise.

"Hey doubt is just a sign that you care but remember you're more ready than you think! Trust in your preparation and your abilities and if you don't, I trust in you. Even if your teacher is being difficult, that doesn't change how incredible you are. I think you're going to do great."

Sylus:

He would pull you into his lap and wrap his arms around your waist while you study. He'll quiz you or he'll make a quiz to help you.

If you were really stressed, he'll take your hand in his and calm you down. He's your rock when your stressed out and a shoulder to lean on during stressful times. He'll pull you to his chest and reassure you, whispering comforting words to you.

He'll set up Luke and Kieran as your makeshift audience, silently cheering you on as you practice your presentation. As you finish delivering your slides, he'll be brimming with pride. With a soft smirk and a knowing look, he'll give you that 'I told you so' expression, because he always believed in you. Seeing you succeed already in practice just confirms what he already knows- that you're going to do great.

"Let me be what you need." He'd listen to all your troubles about how your professor was giving you and your class a hard time. He'll reassure you that you don't have to worry about your professor. After hearing your rant about your professor, he'll deal with them himself. Your professor might want to sleep with one eye open from now on but at least you wouldn't have to stress about that class anymore!

"Sweetie, what's there to worry about? Look you're already doing such a good job. You've put in so much effort and it's all coming together. Just trust in yourself like I do- you've got this my love."

[tikus-library]

"Books to Bread"

Night Hunter AU

Characters: Walter Marshall x Reader

Posted: Feb 10th

WARNINGS: none?

A/N: Have a draft dump. I want to do more for this, but life is a bit chaotic rn. I haven't posted in a minute, so this is one of my many hidden drafts. I did attempt to edit but 🤷‍♀️

Like, Comments, & Reblogs are always appreciated and loved.

**Please Do Not Repost or 'Fix' My Work**

It was hard to miss the guy.

Definitely over six foot, dark unruly curls framing a serious face with a thick beard, thick dark brows drawn down as a scowl marred his lips. Nice lips, you thought, eyes raking over his tall muscular form. No better than a man, you scolded yourself with a smirk.

You shifted, careful not to draw attention to yourself as the other women in the book shop didn't even try to hide the way they ogled him.

In the town of Port Tenebris there weren't many that looked like him and plenty more women ready to welcome him. You had heard there had been a recent new body that had moved into town, ex-detective, if gossip was right…

“I've read that one.”

You jumped at the low smooth voice that came from beside you and looked over and then up… and up again till you met deep vibrant blue eyes. You swallowed as he reached out with one thick arm, fingers catching your elbow as he offered you a smile in apology.

“I didn't mean to surprise you…?”

The way he lifted an eyebrow meant he was asking for your name, instead you looked down at the book in your hands, “into romance?” You asked instead.

He held the smile, “not ashamed of it,” he answered, “and that one is actually more of a forensic thriller.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as he offered you a quick tilt of his head and a smile before going back to looking at the books in front of you. “It's a romance,” you stated.

He flipped through the book in his hands, it looked tiny, he shrugged without looking at you. He had of course seen you enter the bookstore, not that he had been following, no. He had most definitely not followed you from the tiny diner where you had verbally assaulted a jackass of a man that had been handsy with the young waitress there.

He simply wanted to get your name. Maybe your phone number… how did he do this again?

“It's a romance,” you said again. “I have every book by Billie Martinez, she writes romance.”

“I mean,” he shrugged again, suppressing the smirk that itched to fight its way to his lips, out the corner of his eye he saw you turn to him and scowl. This was something, ever since he'd stepped foot in this little Port every woman had given him the look, it had been amusing at first.

“Explain.”

He coughed to hide the short laugh that escaped him, “she hides it under the romance, but, when you read it you'll understand. You'll also want to slap the shit out of the male lead.”

You looked down at the book in your hands, he let his eyes wander to your curvy waist, “maybe… I shouldn't get it” you mused, thinking of the man at the Cafe you had laid into, “I think I've had my fair share of irritating men for the day.” He made a noise that had you looking up in time to catch his tongue flick out over his bottom lip, eyes jerking up to meet your gaze.

Had he…? No.

He cleared his throat, “fair,” it was all he could think of and watched as you started to put the book back, “but I could pay for it and then you'll not regret leaving it behind.”

You sighed, this conversation had already gone on longer than you had wanted. You had purposefully been attempting to avoid talking to him as conversations with others always seemed to go awry. In a weird way. You supposed it was your fault, no one else had that problem really.

“No, no need to buy me a book when you don't even know me.”

“Walter.”

You took a small step back, a little confused.

“Walter Marshall, Im… th-thats my name,” he smiled awkwardly, turning to you and shoving a hand into his pocket. “I started work in the Bakery in town? Owned by Kate and her husband? Uh, they offered me a job there… Now I'm not a stranger.”

You nodded, fingers tapping at the book's spine, before letting your arm drop to your side. “Nice to meet you Walter Marshall, who works in the bakery owned by Kate and her husband. I should be going.”

He had struck out yet again. Sighing heavily as you stepped away and made for the front of the store. He snatched the book up and hurried after you, eyes falling on your ass, before he rolled them scolding himself silently.

“Please, no name, let me buy you the book then. You collect her books and it'll be incomplete.”

You pulled away from him, studying him warily.

He knew that kind of look and took a step back. “I'll leave you alone,” he hummed, turning away, he shouldn't have pushed. Maybe you had moved here to hide yourself, he understood that.

“Alright,” he heard you sigh and turned around quickly. “But don't complain if I come down to find you at the bakery and yell at you there about the dumb male lead.”

Walter grinned, “you won't hear a complaint from me.” He watched you tilt your head to the side, enjoying how easily he could read your thoughts clear in your expression. “I'll even treat you to something I've baked.” Your eyes jumped back to his face, something he decided he wanted right then and there. To have your full and complete attention. “To apologize for dumb males that is.”

You snickered, eyes lighting up, “then I hope you are a baker of delicious sweets and golden bread!”

He almost forgot to breathe as your eyes scrunched up beautifully as you laughed. “You'll fall in love with my bread and butter,” Walter flashed you a toothy grin as he led you to pay for the book, “plus, this is essential to the series. You can't miss out on this book.”

“Oh, no! Then absolutely buy it.”

You followed along, noting the pairs of eyes tracking the two of you. There would be gossip and questions, a little inconvenient but nothing you couldn't handle. He thanked the cashier who nodded wordlessly and stepped towards the door where he paused, dragging a pen out of his pocket and scribbling on the receipt, tucking it into the cover of the book.

“In case the bakery is closed and you want to yell at me.”

You felt your neck heat, he wrote in all capitals, clear and neat. He crossed his sevens, huh. “No promises.”

*

Walter scowled at his phone, yet was quick to flick the screen and scan the words there blearily. It was past three am and he was due up in an hour to begin baking.. right. He was a baker now.

Unknown: I love thick slices of warm bread with butter that melts beautifully.

Unknown: He deserves to be run over…. Multiple times.

Unknown: what an idiot. He let her walk away?!

He sat up and smiled.

WM: I did warn you, suppose I owe you bread.

Unknown: Y/N

WM: ?? Uhh, which character?

Unknown: my name is Y/N

Walter woke up fully.

WM: nice to meet you Y/N.

Leave Kudos on Ao3

[loousir]

[Vampire] The Two of Us

Vampire Male x Hunter Male Reader

Abel - Part 2

Notes/Warnings: The book Abel is reading is not real, In the universe all my stories are based in basically all the theories about monsters exist so some Vampires can blush and some can't blush it just varies vamp to vamp, kisses and cuddling

Part 1

If you like my work, please consider reblogging!

The night came and went. You woke up with a jolt upon hearing movement in your house. You grabbed a blade you kept nearby, ready to defend your home only to see Abel. You had forgotten that he appeared on your doorsteps the night before. "Bastard, I told you to rest." You said, calming down a bit. Abel rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Sorry, that room is just boring. You don't have any books in there." He said, holding one from your collection. You sighed and got up, walking over to him. "How about you go lay back down and I'll get you books to read." You said, ushering him back into the room. He kept the one he had grabbed and quietly made his way back. You picked out a few you figured would keep him busy for a while, not really remembering what they were about. "Here." You said, tossing them onto the bed. He jumped and looked up to you, a weirdly innocent look in his eyes. "Since I'm awake, I'm going out. Don't leave. I'll be back." Abel nodded as you grabbed clothes to get dressed and do your shopping early, picking up a few extra things for Abel as was promised.

Once you were ready, you headed out. Your trip was kept short and you only grabbed what was needed. Not all Vampires were bad and most had integrated into society nicely, stores offering blood substitutes or donated blood. Though you kept it on the down low that you were purchasing things as most knew you were a hunter. The trip back was quick and uneventful. Upon reentering the house, you saw that Abel had moved back to the living room but was laying down on the couch, relaxing and reading.

You sighed and he turned back to look at you, apparently not having heard you come back. "Oh uh... Wel-welcome back." He said, shyly looking away from your frame. "Please stop moving around, I know your a vampire and heal quicker but fuck dude." You said with another sigh, taking the things you bought to the kitchen. "Um, did you grab th-" "Yes, just stay there. I'll bring you one." You cut him off, already knowing what he would ask. Once you put your things up, you put the rest of the blood bags in the fridge, taking him one. "Here." You handed it to him. He smiled and thanked you, quickly opening and drinking it. You watched as the red liquid practically disappeared. "Gods..." He said, panting softly once he pulled the empty bag from his mouth. "Thank you, I can't tell you how hungry I was." He said softly, holding on to the empty plastic like it was something dear to him.

"Yeeah ah... Sure." You said, taking the bag from him to throw away. "You good for now?" You asked him, coming back in from the kitchen. "Yes. Also, I didn't know you were into these kinds of books." He said, showing off one called *The Demon King's Soul*. Your eyes widened slightly when you realized what he was reading. "Its almost relatable. I'm just not a demon king." He said, laughing softly as he kept reading. "Yeah well... It's hard being isolated from everyone just because of the position you were born into." You said softly, joining him on the couch and turning on the TV. "Are you not going to read?" He ask, surprised by the fact you chose TV over books. "I've read all of them. Need some new ones." You said, flicking through channels, trying to find something you liked. Once you landed on a survivor style show, you stopped.

"Do you ever get lonely?" Abel asked suddenly, looking over to you with a solem expression. You furrowed your brows and looked over to him as well. "I mean... Sometimes." You said, turning to focus back on the TV. Abel nods and goes back to reading, not saying anything about it again. That question sort of stuck with you. You'd never been asked if you were lonely until then and it never really crossed your mind. You looked over to Abel who was entranced by the book. He had a slim yet muscular frame with long, brown hair from what you could assume was years of not cutting it. He wore the loose clothing you gave him, bandages visible on some parts and the one over his face not seeming to bug him at all. "Do you ever got lonely?" You asked, reversing the question back at Abel.

Abel looks up to you, a slightly surprised expression. "Well yeah... Of course I do..." He pauses for a moment and looks away. "All the time." He said softly, locking his eyes on to the book he had in his hands. You tilt your head, looking over his expression. It looked like he was about to cry which had you confused. You scooted a bit closer to him, not good with comforting others. "We could be lonely together..?" You said, slightly questioning. He looks up to you again and inches closer on his own this time. Abel, being the more confident of you two, rests his head on your shoulder. "I'd like that..." He whispered, closing the book before closing his eyes for a moment.

You weren't sure what it was but, you felt like you could trust him. After being trained like mad, engraving into your head that he was the biggest threat to humans as you know it, you would think that when he first showed up you would have killed him instantly. But, there was something about him that just seemed, different, and you couldn't help but put a little bit of trust into him. You hesitantly wrapped an arm around him and he almost naturally snuggled closer to you. Both of you stayed quiet, you watching the TV as Abel took in your warmth. After some time of silence Abel spoke up. "How long do you think I can stay with you?" He asked, looking up to you through his thick lashes. You shrugged but didn't look back down to him. "How ever long until they forget or til I can get you somewhere safe." You said, hand resting on his stomach, pulling him a little closer than before.

Abel looked up to you with an expression you couldn't quite read. Before you knew it, he caught your lips in a kiss. You didn't kiss back at first, not really expecting it. When he pulled away, you could only stare at him as he also stared back. "What was that for?" You asked, leaning down a bit to be eye level with him. Abel suddenly got nervous and pulled away but you kept him close, still having your arm wrapped around him. "S-sorry I uh- I just... I dont know..." He couldn't really seem to find the words he wanted and kept stuttering. You watched his expression for a moment before giving him a gentle kiss. "Listen. I dont really date people I don't know so let's just take it slow ok?" You said softly, a very small smile crossing your lips. Abel's cheeks were a bright red as he covered his face with his hands.

You smiled a little more, moving the arm around his waist to pull his head back against you. "You're awful cute for a alleged mass murder." You teased, chuckling when he playfully hit your leg, whining about bringing it up. "Like I said though. Let's get to know each other first before we go any farther than this." You said softly, hand migrating back down to rub his side gently. Abel nodded and just stayed quiet, eyes glued to the TV as the two of you cuddled on the couch.

[yuyu1024]

Breaktime

Pairings: Wooyoung × y/n

Genre/tags: fuck buddies

Warning: 🔞cursing, sensual touching, making out, Pet name, semi public [lmk if i miss anything]

Words:

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: repost. Likes and reblog are much appreciated 🫶🏻 this helps me a lot since i am reposting all my stories again 😊

Check pinned post for more

***

It's friday. Last day of the week to work. Finally you can rest after this day ends.

It has been so hectic for you this couple of weeks because of the project your company has assigned your department. But now that everything is done and just waiting to be passed through the board members then it goes to the people that will execute, you are free starting 5pm this afternoon.

"Someone looks tired..." a familiar voice speaks as he enters the file room where you at. "Aren't you going to take a break?"  His hands slides around your waist as he kisses the exposed skin of your nape. "You've put your hair up again... I like it..." he breathes into your skin.

"Wooyoung..." you whisper, "what are you doing here?"

"It's break time... its my time of the day..." he forwards his hips onto your back. The friction of his bulge to your behind is making you squirm inside.

"Can't it wait until the end of our shift? I'm a little..." you pause and suddenly moaned when his hands reaches inside your blouse, pushing your bra up so he can squeeze your boobs. "Busy.. " you breathe, shaking. He's playing your tip whilst his lips is lightly kissing your neck

"Are you?" He is still dry humping you from the back

"I am... I need to get this..." your mouth opens, throwing your head back. "Done..."

"I'll make it quick..." he whirls you around. "You know I can..." he smirks.

Your heart drops then when you heard someone enter the file room. You are hidden behind the huge shelf filled with boxes and files but still you're head is visible.

You turn around fixing your blouse and to peek who entered, "hello?" You ask as Wooyoung goes down to his knees. Not just to hide but to continue to itch his horny ass.

"Ah! Y/n you are here." It's Hongjoong. "Why aren't you out with the others? They are going to eat out somewhere."

"I had to dip. I need to finish something first before I could breathe again.. " you say, trying to smile

"I see... don't work too much. We are not rushing anymore as..."

You swear you are listening to Hongjoong explaining and giving you encouragement from the doorway where he's standing. BUT Wooyoung is making you crazy right now. He pulled your panties down so quick and begin to torture/pleasure you by f!ngering you. He likes to play you like this. He gets more excited when there are risk during our breaktime sessions.

One digit enters you and made you gasp. Luckily Hongjoong didn't noticed it. But then when Wooyoung decided to put another one. Now you lightly lost your balance. The way he moves his fingers in you is so fucking good! You could feel him moving and caressing your insides. Hitting the spot and making you more wet.

"T-thanks for that..." You say to Hongjoong. "I'll just finish this one and go for lunch then..."

"Okay..." he smiles and then his eyes looks at your expression. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I'm fine... just a little... off...you know.. girls have pain... when we have our periods..." you breathe every word out.

You are very careful with your breathing as Wooyoung thrusts his fingers in and out of you.

"Ah, yeah. I know that. My little sister says that too." He smiles and starts to walk back out. "Finish that quick okay? I will talk to you again later to know if you've eaten well."

"Okay!"

Finally! You two are alone again.

"Ah! Fuck!" You grasp onto the shelf for support as Wooyoung picks up the rythm.

"You're so sexy, darling." Wooyoung left kisses in between your thights before he let's you breathe again.

He stands up, leaving your skirt still up and whirls you back to face him. "That fucker likes you..." he groans before he crashes his lips to you. Forcing his tongue in and making sure you melt into his arms. "Little does he know... his crush... is having the best time... of her life with me..." he says in between kisses

"Shut up!" You hit him on the chest, rolling your eyes

"Why? Aren't you having fun?" He's wearing a smug on his face as he cages you with his whole body

"Are you just going to talk shit or are we going to fuck?" You put your arms around his neck "coz if you don't fuck me now... I'll call Hongjoong and ask him to play with me instead."

He snorts. "You are one naughty b!tch you know that."

"C'mon Wooyoung... time is ticking..." you tease him, kissing the corner of his lips, his nose and then his cheek.

He breaks an evil smile across his lips. "Turn around and bend over!"

You do as he says, thrilled.

"Make sure to hold on coz I will fuck you and make sure he hears it from outside."

[babyhatesreality]

Hi if you take request I just have this in my mind:

Sometimes when you are somewhere outside (like in a mall) you get distracted by all those people and colorful stores. And if you don’t hold your daddies hands you will easily go another way.

So what if she is to distracted by something and Steve and Bucky just further without noticing that she didn’t follow (maybe they are stressed or smt like that) and she just follows someone who looks like one of her daddy’s and she only notices later that this was not her daddy and she was lost.

Okay so first things first, I'm old and don't know how to put the two similar asks together nicely so here’s a screenshot and get off my lawn. :P (edited to add: Also for @justme1234456 who requested this too!<3)

Second, I had to alter both asks a bit to align it with what I see as canon in my AU. I really hope that’s okay, and I’m sorry if this isn’t what you were looking for. I have to be honest about what I think could actually happen in this little world I’ve created otherwise I just can’t write it truthfully. If that offends anyone, I’m truly sorry for hurting feelings, and I encourage you to find what you’re needing with many of the other insanely-more-talented-than-I-am writers on this site. 

Break Away

Pairing: Daddy!Stucky x little f!reader

Warnings: DDLG (SSC), language, pet names, praise, scared reader, angst, tears, large and pushy crowds, overprotective Papa and Daddy, fluff fluff fluff and did I mention fluff? 

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS STORY IS SFW- THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. MINORS DNI. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORK TO BE STOLEN, COPIED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY OTHER SITE BUT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. 

What started as a nice walk in the park quickly turned into one of their worst nightmares. 

It had been raining for days in New York. Normally you wouldn’t have minded, having a massive pile of toys to play with and books to have read to you, and an endless supply of other family members in the tower to keep you entertained. But you were fidgety, constantly needing to be on the move. Your daddies had taken you to the big gym floor and set you loose on the giant running track, they’d taken you to the Olympic-sized indoor pool, and they’d even managed to convince Tony to let them take the Quinjet on a quick spin around the state. All of which managed to keep you satisfied...for that day. Then the next day they’d find you with your nose pressed up against the sliding glass door to the patio, watching the pouring rain, asking politely if you could go outside. Four thousand times in a row. 

Finally the rain let up right before your bedtime, and the ground became okay enough to not be a giant puddle by morning. You were so excited about going outside, wiggling around so much, that Bucky later grumbled to Steve that it had been easier escaping from the German army than getting you into your coat and rain boots. 

“We goin’ to the park, we goin’ to the park, we goin’ to the PAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!” you sung at the top of your little lungs, running back and forth with joy as you held onto Steve and Bucky’s hands, walking through the hallways of the tower. You squealed in delight when they both lifted their arms in tandem, swinging you into the air. “Again again please!!” you begged, laughing uproariously with delight when they obliged. 

Steve grinned down at you as you giggled gleefully. He was craving the fresh air just as much as you were and felt as joyful as you did. “Okay, so when we get to Central Park, what are you going to do, angel?” he asked you. 

“Hold your hand always!”

“That’s my smart girl. You hold my hand or Daddy’s hand at all times. And what happens if we get separated and you don’t see us?”

“Look for a ‘Venger to help!” 

“Right again! I’m so proud of you!” You giggled and blushed, wiggling around extra hard to let Papa know how happy his praise made you. “Now. Last one. If you don’t see someone who can help you, what do you do?”

“Light up shoes and stay PUT!”

“Great job, baby!” Steve cheered, suddenly swinging around and lifting you up into the air while you laughed crazily. All the littles in the Avengers Tower had light up shoes with tiny trackers in them, so if anything ever happened to them outside the tower and they were in little space, they’d always have a tracker on them that a caregiver could follow. It wasn’t too hard to convince any little to wear the shoes that lit up when they stomped; in fact, you all had gone through several pairs of light up shoes, delighted at the light up features. Hey, the system worked. 

Bucky grinned at the two of you, reaching back out for your hand the moment your feet touched the ground. “Good job remembering the rules, Trouble,” he said. You wiggled with joy and blushed again, making him chuckle. He looked up at his husband. “You sure you wanna try this without caps and glasses?” he asked again, raising his eyebrows. “No disguises at all?”

Steve smile warmly at his worrywart husband. “We’re not undercover, Buck. We live in this city too, and everyone already knows it anyways. It’ll be okay, and if it’s not, we’ll just ask people to respect our space or we’ll go a different direction. It’ll be fine.”

Bucky kept the smile, but tightened his grip on your hand. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little while later, the three of you were enjoying the birds singing, the fresh, cool breeze blowing through the trees, and the hum of human activity all around you. It was so lovely, it seemed like everyone in New York City was trying to get outside to see the sun. You held tight to your daddies’ hands, but your head was constantly whipping around, trying to take in all the sights at once.  

Suddenly, there was a scream in the distance. Bucky and Steve’s heads snapped in the direction of the sound automatically, their grips tightening on yours. Out of nowhere, this group of seven or eight teens came barreling at the three of you, all with their phones out, screaming about Captain America and The Winter Soldier. With the speed of light, Bucky tucked you underneath his vibranium arm, cuddling you against his body to keep you safe. This meant you had to let go of Papa’s hand, and you tried to turn your head to make sure he was okay, but Daddy’s grip on you was too strong and you couldn’t see him. 

Before you knew it, the crowd grew suddenly larger, and you heard people pointing at the group of teens in recognition- they were something called a...’influencer’ or a ‘TikTok star’ or something...you didn’t understand all the yelling. You got very, very still, hanging desperately onto Daddy’s shirt as he tried to be polite- Avengers had an image to maintain, especially the ‘reformed’ ones like him- but get these people to back off. 

One of the boys grabbed onto the vibranium arm that was holding you, screaming about how cool it was. It scared you so badly, not seeing this boy until his hands were reaching right where you were at and the loudness, that you stumbled backwards, causing you to slip out from underneath Bucky’s arm.

 Bucky’s head whipped around the second he lost contact with you. “Steve!” he hollered over the melee as he tried to move the kid away from you. “Get her!” All you caught was a glimpse of Steve’s searching blue eyes before a tidal wave of people crashed into you. It was insane- some sort of mob mentality had taken over. Between the two famous Avengers and the internet sensations surrounding them, everyone lost their minds. You tried to push against the tide, tried desperately to keep your eyes on either of them, but the crush of the crowd was too much. Your throat choked up in fear- you couldn’t even call out for them. You were carried away by the wave. It seemed to go on forever and you couldn’t stop it as it pushed you farther and farther away. 

Finally there was a break in the people that had been crowding you, and you pushed with all your might to get free of the mob. Trying to keep calm and be brave, you looked around, remembering Rule #2 as hard as you could. Your heart leapt when you saw a long mane of red hair a distance away, and you instantly ran towards it, thinking it was Aunt Natasha. Just as you were about to throw your arms around the woman, she suddenly turned. It wasn’t Auntie Nat. You mumbled an awkward apology and ran in the other direction, embarrassed. 

Gulping hard to try to keep your scared sobs inside, you came to a halt. You looked around and didn’t see anything you recognized. There was a pretty, tall fountain with an angel on top close to you, but you didn’t remember it from before. “Light up shoes and stay put,” you whispered to yourself. “Light up shoes and stay put.” You stomped your feet as hard as you could, seeing the rainbow lights activate. You looked around desperately, waiting for them to come and rescue you. You stomped harder and harder, the tears building in your eyes. No Papa. No Daddy. You slowly walked the few steps to the fountain and carefully sat down, the tears now running down your face. Every now and then, you stomped your feet to keep the shoes lit up. “Please find me,” you whispered tearfully, pleading into the air. 

Suddenly, there were shrieks and gasps coming from in front of you. You looked up to see people suddenly rushing to the sides, looking like they were dodging to get out of the way of a speeding train. And they were. A speeding train in the form of Daddy. 

Bucky came racing towards you faster than you’d ever seen anyone run. You could almost see the flames coming off his feet. The crowd parted for him, but he didn’t give two flying fucks if he ran any of them over. With barely a bend of the knees, he came flying over the stone balustrade walls surrounding the fountain, his eyes locked on your tiny form. All you could do was reach your hands to him before he reached you, scooping you up and crushing you to his chest like he was never going to let you go again. 

You just clung to him, still too frightened to do anything else. “Hey, it’s okay baby, it’s okay, Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here and he’s not letting you go,” Bucky was murmuring into your ear, so fast you could barely make out the words. “I am so sorry baby. Daddy will never let that happen again, you hear me? Never again. Never, never again. I’m right here.” You just whimpered and nodded, your tears soaking the front of his shirt. You heard another set of feet come to a screeching halt near you, but you were still too worked up to turn to see if it was Papa. You knew if it wasn’t, Daddy was going to keep you safe, and that was all you could handle at the moment. “Deep breaths, baby, can you do that for me? Can you take some deep breaths?” Daddy asked frantically, tilting his head back to look at you. “Can you take some deep breaths with me? Some deep breaths with Daddy?” You managed to nod again, and relief flooded his face. “That’s my good girl. Okay, we’re gonna sit down and take some breaths together.”

Bucky sat on the edge of the fountain where he’d found you. He turned you in his lap so you could see Steve sitting next to the both of you. Your left hand shot out instantly, needing to touch him too. Steve took your hand, covering it with his other, stroking and patting it, his eyes a warring storm of fear and relief, while Bucky held you tight, 

“Okay, baby, let’s breathe together. You remember how we breathe when we’re scared?” Daddy asked, looking down at you, his tone a bit calmer now. You could see he was still struggling too, and that gave you the nudge to be brave enough to breathe together. You nodded. “We can do it. We’ll do it together, Daddy and Baby. Okay, here we go. Breathe in.” You two locked eyes and breathed in, Bucky counting as he inhaled. “One, two, three, four,” he said on the air, then nodded at you. You held your breath with him as his lips moved, counting to four again, but not letting any air out. “Breathe out, one, two, three, four, five, six,” Bucky said, keeping his eyes locked on you while you went through the exercise together. He silently counted to six as you held your breath again. You went through the cycle three times together, feeling better and better each time. When you finished, Daddy smiled proudly at you. “I knew you could do it, Baby. Daddy loves you so much.”

“Love you too Daddy,” you said, tucking your forehead into his chest again, happy that he was okay now too. You brought Papa’s hand up to your face. “Love you too Papa.” You squeezed his fingers, pressing them in to your cheek.

“Papa loves you so much,” Steve responded, his voice tight with emotion. “Are you okay honey?” You pursed your lips for a moment, but nodded. 

“M’okay. Big peoples.”

“Yeah, that crowd was crazy, right?”

“Too loud.”

“Definitely too loud. I’m so sorry baby, that should never have happened.”

“They all go away?”

“Yeah, they’re all away now. You remember how Uncle Tony says that he can watch everybody everywhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he saw on his cameras that the mean crowd was bothering us and his flying suits came to help.”

“WOW.”

“We’ll have to thank him when we get home.”

“Okay, I help.”

Both your daddies chuckled, relieved that you were starting to sound like you again. “What do you think, Baby? Do you want to go home?” Bucky asked, bouncing you a little, trying to gauge how you were feeling. 

“Um,” you said. Now that you were over the fear, you weren’t QUITE ready to be back inside just yet. “We look at duckies please?” The men exchanged a quick look, checking in with each other, before they turned back to you, smiling. 

“Okay, Trouble, we will go look at the ducks,” Bucky said softly, before placing a kiss on your forehead. “Good manners.” He stood up and was about to tell you that you were only staying at the park if he carried you for the rest of the day, but the iron grip you had on his tee shirt and the way your legs locked around his waist let him know that you had no intention of being set down, anyways. He pressed another kiss into your hair. 

They walked to a quieter section by the water, grinning and laughing as you insisted on pointing to each and every duck, naming them one by one. After about ten minutes, Steve got a pedicab to get you all back to the street so you wouldn’t have to walk through all the people again. You’d made a full recovery by the time you all got back to Avengers’ Tower, babbling excitedly about all the ducky friends you’d made today and making plans to bring them bread tomorrow.

But Bucky still didn’t set you down for the rest of the evening. And you were okay with that. 

[thesparklingwriter]

new additions

"Are you asking if you can return your dog?"

tags: pet names, Zhongli is very pure, soft Zhongli, fem!reader, Zhongli and reader are in a relationship, reader manages to get Zhongli to get them a dog, dogs, puppy, author is really bad at naming things--beware, woof

masterlist | ao3 link | taglist | next

please do not repost or edit my work without credit. reblogs are greatly appreciated!

"Do you trust me?" Zhongli looks at you with wide eyes. Of course, you trust him--you trust him almost much as you do yourself. His judgement, however, you trust slightly less sometimes.

"Enough to pick a dog, yes."

As an apology for being late to get home and making you cry unnecessarily, Zhongli gave in and agreed a dog would be a nice addition to the house, on the condition that he got a say in which one you chose. You agreed to this, knowing that he'd probably choose whichever one you wanted anyway.

"You wound me," He chuckles, pushing the door to the shelter open. The room erupts into barks, pair of puppies running up to you and wagging their tails happily and they jump onto their hind legs.

"I'm so sorry," the owner smiles. "They're all really excitable, and I can't bring myself to put them in crates." He hands a bone to a pale cream dog, and pets another one, who rolls over, exposing his tummy. "You're welcome to stay as long as you want. Feel free to ask me anything."

You nod gratefully, passing a quick glance at Zhongli. His eyes are slightly glowing amber, as he watches a pair of puppies chase each other around the room. He smiles slightly. Even he can't pretend to not be enthralled by the sight of the dogs.

"They're all so cute! I don't know where to start." You grin, kneeling to the floor beside a small brown puppy, who seems to be smiling at you. When it realises you're giving it attention, it jumps ups, running away as if to show you something. You follow, watching your steps. "What do you want to show me?" You giggle.

Zhongli doesn't interact with the puppies as much as you do, simply opting to watch as they run around. He does like puppies, and he's actually quite glad you suggested getting one, but picking the right one might prove to be a chore.

The owner chuckles. "You aren't fooling anyone, you know. You don’t need to pretend you're just here for the missus."

Zhongli smiles. "Oh no, we're here equally for each other. My wife is simply a lot more excitable than I am." His eyes track across the room, watching you play with the puppies. Across the room from you, his eyes catch a small golden puppy who keeps tumbling over her own legs to get to you. She's clearly the youngest, glancing back at her mother in the corner of the room for reassurance. She picks up her speed and trips once again, whining softly. "I like the small one over there. Certainly has spirit."

The shop owner looks up. "Who? Amber? She's a trooper, she is. When she wants something, she goes for it. It can take her a while sometimes, but she always gets there in the end. She's the youngest, so she gets overlooked a lot."

"Poor thing," Zhongli sighs. He can only hope that you don't overlook her. He'd decided that he wanted her, but if you weren't interested, then you'd just end up taking two puppies home, and he wasn't sure that was a wise idea.

"Hello, baby," you whisper softly, holding your hand out to the little golden dog. She trips again, and you laugh, picking her up. "Aren't you just darling?" The puppy yips, rubbing her head against your chest. You look up at Zhongli with excitement and pride. Of course Amber likes you. A dog after his own heart, she is. 

"You're so cute," you smile, standing up with her in your arms. "I saw you trying to get over here. You're very determined. I like that." Amber yips again in response, startling you slightly. You laugh, and Zhongli chuckles too as you approach. He reaches out a hand to stroke her head, and she pants blissfully as he rubs his hands over her floppy ears.

"She's certainly a charmer," he laughs. "Have you decided, love?"

You begin to nod, but then your face falls. The agreement was that you'd let him choose--and you haven't done that. At all. "No, we agreed that you'd get a say. I got carried away again, didn't I?"

"I have already made my decision."

"Don't say it's whatever I want. We made a deal." You insist. You won't let him get away with this. This is a whole dog, another being. He has to be happy with your choice, you can't let him resent the puppy.

Zhongli grins, handing you a golden collar. "Her name is Amber, and she likes beef. We can head by the butcher on the way home." 

"Wait, wait," You smile. "You like her too? You liked her first, right?"

"Yes, love, I did, as per our deal. Stop worrying, and let's head home, hm?"

The owner smiles at the two of you. "You know, you're the first people to notice her," he says, as you crouch down to let Amber say bye to her mother--whether dogs do that or not, you don't know, but you'd like to believe they do. "And I'm actually very glad about that. Sometimes I refuse sales because dogs don't seem very happy to go, but that's not the case here."

You can see that the dogs here are taken good care of, and you can't bear the idea of never letting Amber see her friends and siblings again. Even though it's likely that she may forget about them, the thought of it makes you sad. "Can we bring her back here?"

"Are you asking if you can return your dog?" The owner looks at you, baffled. Maybe he would have to refuse your sale.

"No, no," Zhongli chuckles. "She's asking if we might bring Amber back to see her family once in a while."

The owner smiles brightly. No one has ever offered to do that for his puppies before. "Of course," he smiles. You, Zhongli and Amber turn to leave, and the owner is very glad to see you go. He knows Amber is in safe hands. She's mostly quiet on the trip home, only barking happily at the butchers when she sees the meat, and whining softly when she catches sight of another dog. 

"You can put her down, you know," you say to Zhongli. You handed her over to him as you bartered with the butcher, worried she would eat whatever she could get her hands on. You had kind of expected him to hand her back almost immediately, but he was doing the opposite, cradling her to his chest. 

He shakes his head at you. "She won't be able to keep up with us if she walks, and I want to get return home quickly."

"Then let's teleport back," you suggest, petting her head. "Would you like that?" Amber yips again, making you and Zhongli smile.

"It might make her nauseous."

"She agreed! Come on, Li, please. I don't want to walk all the way home." You whine. "I've accidentally teleported with a slime before, and it was fine." 

Zhongli wants to insist, but he knows what will happen if he gets accused of liking the dog more than you, and by the look on your face, he can tell that's going to be the next complaint. In all honestly, he reckons Amber will be fine. But he likes the walk with you, albeit whilst you’re complaining. "Very well," he sighs. "Let us go home."

a/n listen i know it's been a while and that october is nearly over but i won't stop until i have 31 of these, don't y'all worry, provided i come up with enough ideas

also i don't celebrate Halloween but i just bought Regina George's mum's tracksuit as a costume and then i went to Victoria's secret and I've felt like such a girly girl today and i thought you all should know

[turtlecleric]

Okay. I'm rereading Symphony after the Chapter 20 bombshell because I am so Very Unwell, and I'm keeping track of my thoughts here. SPOILERS for Symphony, obviously. I quote the fic a lot, and those quotes are in bold.

[I'm making a new post for this so that it's not so obnoxiously long and annoying for everyone's dash after I finish each chapter. I'll just update this one post instead of adding more and more reblogs.]

Last Chapter Reread: Chapter 20!! This post is finally complete!

Chapter 1

I'm just... I can't stop thinking about Violist-chan right now. Even from the very first chapter, it's established that she (in my opinion) is the type of person who really goes above and beyond to be thoughtful and considerate and just plain nice to people (as long as they aren't complete jerks obviously).

She put together goody bags for her neighbors because she was going to be practicing at home for a bit, and these bags had "ear plugs, ibuprofen, a small gift card to one of the local coffee shops, two homemade cookies, and a card with your handwriting on it" as well as her cell number so people could ask her to stop if need be, like???? Are you kidding me???? That's so much effort and time and actual money spent that she put into that, and she wasn't even close to any of her neighbors (at the time) or anything, she was just being considerate. And then at April's door she offers to go get more cookies for them just to prevent any sort of argument over the cookies. Then offers Casey a discount on violin lessons. Then offers to let him use and potentially buy one of her old violins since he doesn't have one. GIRL. LEO IS RIGHT. YOU'RE TOO NICE.

On another note, have we seen the diagonal neighbor yet that wasn't home when Vi was distributing cookies? I can't remember. I wonder if they're going to be important. I'm not dismissing ANYTHING anymore.

Oh my god. Her talking to April about becoming friends -> Quick, what’s something friends do together?! “We can… grab coffee sometime?” Shit, shit, that’s a date thing, right? Fuck!

Then just after, when she's alone -> “…Friend,” you echo stupidly, trying to think of when was the last time someone had called you that. To put it gently, that's not the word most people use to describe you. THIS HURTS ME. VIOLIST DEFENSE SQUAD ROLL OUT FOR REAL, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?? SO WHAT, HAVE PEOPLE JUST BEEN NEGLECTING AND USING HER HER ENTIRE LIFE??? I'M SO ANGRY. (But also, Grace and Sinclair are perfectly nice and friendly... I feel like Vi really struggles with making and keeping friends? So she just. Keeps herself so busy that she doesn't have time to think about how actually lonely she really is?)

that little mindfulness trip you were pretending you were definitely going to take this year no really this time is also off the books

She straight up does not take care of herself and kind of knows that? She's never her own first priority. God.

A sense of unworthiness slides down your spine like ice; it doesn’t feel proper for you to receive praise for something that should just be normal.

The first time I read this I remember thinking that she was such a good person for this mentality, but now this makes me think of the (Stupid girl. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid) stuff we've been getting lately. I'm so sad for her, I wonder if she's always struggled with negative thoughts and feelings about herself and the relationship with Alopex made it worse?

You look tired, you think, studying the bags under your eyes and the frown on your face. Do you always look this tired? Is this the face everyone sees you wear? Is this how the world knows you?

Once again. I am so sad for her.

When April runs into her and her laundry goes everywhere and she just. 'It's okay, I got it, go on, don't worry' like I'm??? SO????? I'm not mad at April or anything obviously, but this is just another instance of Vi putting herself last, behind literally everyone else. ALL SHE DOES IS GIVE GIVE GIVE.

What an excellent introduction to her character.

---

Chapter 2

Vi talking about the proper sitting technique with Casey - "You’ll get used to it. Maybe someday you’ll be like me and that’s just how you sit now.” 

This is hitting me because yes obviously she's a professional musician so it makes perfect sense, but also the idea of doing something that starts out as uncomfortable for so long, over and over and over, until it feels natural to you... kind of like how she's made being alone (in the ways that matter), staying busy, and putting others first into her normal.

God. Casey still, even after so long, having to remind himself that his life is no longer a genuine toss up every day. "Plenty of time" must have been such a foreign concept that he still struggles with at times.

Vi is genuinely so funny. I need to shower her in compliments immediately.

Ooh, you misread that one. ... “Sorry, I just assumed-"

GOD. Vi seeing a relationship between Casey and April where there wasn't one (yet). This hits different after chapter 20. Fuck.

you’re kind of desperate for pleasant things at the moment

I'm going to cry. This is literally only the second chapter and nothing has really happened yet but I'm really realizing how much I love Vi and want her to be happy. I want her to be taken care of so badly. My heart aches for her.

Donnie: "I apologize. I misunderstood.” HM. ANOTHER NOD TO MISUNDERSTANDINGS. This has GOT to be intentional. I'm so angry (impressed).

Vi, to Donnie about Casey: "if I find out that you’re being a dick, we’re going to have words.” She's so fiercely protective of others. But for herself??? Nah. Let it go, be the bigger person, blah blah blah. I'm going to fling myself into the sun.

---

Chapter 3

Baking apology cookies for April and Donnie. ONCE AGAIN. VI IS TOO NICE. GOD.

“Typical Donnie stuff,” April says, opening the oven to check on whatever smells amazing inside. “Being a smug little buttface. Jumping to conclusions. Running his big mouth.”

YEAH. YEP. TYPICAL DONNIE STUFF. GOD.

Vi just. So easily and quickly forgiving Donnie after their first meeting. Despite her justifiable anger. I'm. Gritting my teeth. (I LOVE Donnie, I will ALWAYS be a Donnie girl, but I cannot help being so, so angry with him after chapter 20.)

Leo's first appearance!! God I love him so fucking much. (I cannot wait for his talk with Vi whenever we finally make it to Saturday in the fic. I'm also slightly terrified that whatever he tells Vi will be some sort of... betrayal? I don't think my heart could take being upset with both Donnie AND Leo... we'll see.)

The pressure that Vi felt while Leo was studying her... I'm still wondering if the pressure was an actual like... mystical thing, somehow? Or if it's just his Presence, if he's just that good, that he can make his scrutiny something almost physical.

him not knowing you well enough to know you don’t normally look this exhausted

Is that even true, though? I feel like Vi IS always exhausted. How could she not be? Literally HOW does she even function, honestly?

"They’d have to get through me if they wanted to do something, and god, April, I was hoping they would, all but begging them to, I was so fucking mad—”

Once again, she is so fiercely protective of others. And I'm almost... worried about it. She really does throw herself in harms way without a second thought. I almost wonder if... some part of her welcomes some kind of... punishment or backlash or something. 'Better me hurt than anyone else' kind of thing, you know? And there was a line a few paragraphs before that - you tug on a lock of hair to distract yourself from getting too worked up - and that, paired with the recent things she's been doing in 20 and 21, gripping her arms and leaving crescent marks, pressing into the bruises Donnie left, only forcing herself to eat in front of Leo so he doesn't worry... all of that is very familiar to me in the worst way. I'm so worried about her.

you look up to see three faces looking at you with various levels of awe. It makes you sick, seeing it, knowing that they think you’re something incredible when you’re just doing the bare minimum. Your arms fold, nails digging into your biceps - again, I remember reading this the first time and thinking she was so great, and she IS, but I'm so so WORRIED about her. Also, once again, the digging nails into her skin thing. Worried. WORRIED.

(I love April so much. God. She deserves more love and attention from me, she really is such a good friend.)

Leo, you note, has been quiet for this entire conversation. You notice it suddenly ... Even when you look at him and his eyes meet your own, staring, staring, he doesn’t say anything, and his face is blank.

I'm obsessed with him. I'm obsessed with whatever is going on in his head. I'm obsessed. I was obsessed then, I'm obsessed now, I will stay obsessed. I love him.

“This was—so amazing, oh my god,” you tell April and Casey. “I’m so glad we’re friends. Can we do this all the time? I’ll bring cookies and bread and stuff.”

SHE'S SO LONELY. SHE JUST WANTS FRIENDS. VI, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRIBE PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. I'M SO GODDAMN SAD.

Leo saying Vi is good with people. And Casey earlier saying that Donnie is NOT good with people. And just. Chapter 20, with her blaming herself for not seeing what was going on. For thinking she's so stupid and everything is on her. Chapter 21, with the (Did you try?). I'm so so angry. I'm sick with it.

Vi is so smart. Putting things together and making connections and realizing things that others might miss - even Leo acknowledges it. So having the chapter 20 realization... more and more I'm convinced that, yeah sure Vi is an unreliable narrator, but I REALLY feel like Donnie is just a fucking idiot (I mean that so affectionately, I promise).

"I’d… like to have more nights like this one. To. To have a family. If I can.” “You can,” he says, reaching out a hand and laying it over yours...

Then Leo talking about how you're like Donnie, implying how it'd be fun to watch Vi and Donnie get closer... does Leo feel guilty over this now? Now that Vi is so fucking... Hurt? Does he partly blame himself for the pain she's experiencing now?

you do feel a small twinge of sympathy for how easily he dismisses his troubles

OH OTHERS DISMISSING THEIR TROUBLES???? HM. HM.

Finally, sure you’re alone and no one’s here to ever know, you let yourself cry.

Seriously, I am on the Violist defense squad for life. I would die for her. God.

---

Chapter 4

Normally you’d ignore it [her phone going off], since it’d be something innocuous like a bank notification, or maybe something as spicy as a wrong number. But you have, like, friends now. 

:( just. Reiterating how goddamn lonely she is. My eyes are actually watering over this. WE'RE NOT EVEN TO THE BIG STUFF YET AND I'M SO FUCKING SAD.

having to do a double-take when you see yourself looking positively ghoulish

Does she ever describe herself as looking good?? I'm thinking back to the aquarium, surely she thought she looked nice for that, at least, but aside from then I can't remember??? Has Donnie even once called her beautiful or pretty or even nice looking? I can't REMEMBER and I'm having FEELINGS about it.

Agreeing to make Casey some bread immediately upon being asked, even though she'd have to go to the store to get everything she needs. I get the feeling she is like 'if I make myself useful, if I pair my presence with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around' and I don't know how unconscious that whole thought process is for her but I'm seeing it a lot.

Now that you’re keeping your window locked pathologically, the old game of sneaking in via the fire escape is off the table.

Wait... did I miss something about the window staying locked? Hang on what the fuck. Is this a throwaway line or does this mean something? HANG ON I'M PANICKING NOW WHY WAS THIS ONCE A THING BUT NOW IT'S NOT????

the more you forget to eat during the season

Do not like this. That it's just normal for her to forget to eat so often during the season. This is probably just me looking into it too deeply, I know people do this all the time, but I Do Not like it and I need someone to take care of her so badly. Like Leo has been doing lately, tbh. She deserves the world. (Am I... falling in love with the fucking insert character? I might be. Dammit.)

(Mikey appears!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH)

Donnie to Vi at the store: “You look a lot less like you got hit by a garbage truck."

BOY IF YOU DON'T- HHHHHHHH I'M FINE.

“I’d been under the impression that you had your feelings hurt by what I’d said,” he says, raising his fingers and curling them into quotes around the word. ... "...apologies are dumb.”

Clenching. My. Jaw. I love him, I find him so charming and funny, but knowing about chapter 20 just has me so full of rage that these little comments are killing me now.

Aaaand Vi agreeing to make Leo cookies now. Once again. Doing things for others. Almost constantly, honestly.

it’s more a stress thing than a hobby [Vi talking about baking]

Hm. Her stress response is to be busy/useful to others. Hmmmmm.

While making bread for Casey, she made a whole other loaf of bread just for Leo. And then when Casey slips up about saying he'd never touched an oven before - you shrug one shoulder to show you’re chill with the secret. “…It’s, uh. Not impossible to believe, I guess?” you say, hoping to comfort. - she is always so focused on making others feel better. Constantly. Repeat after me: trauma.

"You’ve proved yourself to be a capable consultant."

Pursing my lips at this comment from Donnie.

You’re almost certainly projecting, but you tuck away the feeling nonetheless.

Pursing. My. Lips.

Vi: “…Sorry, I’m, uh. Kind of new to the friend thing. I’m still learning.”

Donnie: “Well, that won’t be a problem you’ll have for long. Practice makes perfect, and as a perfectionist myself, I’ll ensure your training will be thorough.”

This just. I. I know I've got a lot to reread before we get to the "relationship" but like??? I can't remember, but is he still under the impression that he's training her in friendship while he's fucking her? Yes, it's an experiment, but?????? Even then?????? I'M?????? I cannot fathom- I just don't- UGH THIS STUPID FUCKER

---

Chapter 5

God. The insights into Donnie's issues. Hits me just as hard the second time around. It... does soften my anger with him a little. To remind myself how intense his touch aversion was/is.

My heart still aches for Vi, obviously, but my heart aches for Donnie, too. He's doing the best he can with what he's got - like most people. I love him to death and I want him to be happy, too. He's not the villain. He can be a jerk, yeah, but the bombshell in chapter 20 to me really is just a misunderstanding. He's not being cruel. He just doesn't understand. (UNLESS I'M WRONG. IN WHICH CASE. DEATH.) But genuinely... it's just a tragic situation right now. Anyway, back to chapter five.

“…Can you check up on him for me?” you ask Leo, bringing your hands to your chest and curling them together in a self-soothing gesture. “I’m worried I might have upset him, somehow. He was okay until I asked him about it.”

Sorry I'm back on my "Vi deserves the world, she cares so much about others, always thinks of others and tends to blame herself for things too often, I'm going to lose my mind" bullshit.

"…He seems lonely.”

YOU SEEM LONELY. VI. I AM HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN.

---

Chapter 6

You, for one, are still feeling a little awkward from whatever hot mess had happened over dinner last night and hadn’t felt comfortable being the first one to reach out despite Leo’s wordless promise that things were fine.

Donnie, it seems, does not share the same issue, or at least has overcome it. …Then again, it’s completely possible that you’re overthinking all of this, you suppose, texting him back as if nothing had happened.

I can only wonder about the difference we'll see between this and what happens when Vi and Donnie talk now (after the incident in Chapter 20). I'm HOPING there is open and honest communication... but we'll see.

You’re not exactly sure what’s going on between your ears, but it’s starting to leak out and project your thoughts onto others, making you see things.

:( so mad at myself. So goddamn mad I never saw the unreliable narrator thing coming. She WASN'T just seeing things here, but still. Little hints here and there like this are slapping me in the face now.

"I don’t want you to hurt your hand.”

Your chest squeezes a bit at his care

The bar is on the floor honestly. She needs someone to care about her enough that something like that doesn't give her that kind of reaction.

(Even with my anger and sorrow for Vi, Donnie still has me falling for him as I reread this. God.)

[April talking] “…I knew you were a good one,” she says, causing you to scoff and turn your face when you feel it warm. “Nuh uh, you’re gonna take the compliment this time, girlie.” Yes April!! My girl!!! She really is so amazing.

“Wow! I see no one but Donnie loves me,” you gripe

Hey what's up I'm crying

Vi making a mental note to make everyone a batch of cookies... I won't repeat myself. Okay, fine, I will - if I can manage to stay useful, if I can pair myself with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around.

(On a side note........ Mikey refers to Leo's thirst traps on his So-Shell account...... I would like to see them)

“Any idea why Donnie’s looking at you like you’re the first slice of pepperoni pizza from a particularly yummy-smelling box?”

Leo once again teasing you about Donnie...

[Vi Talking] "This is so nice. I like hanging out here.”

WHY CAN'T I HUG HER. WHY. LET ME HUG HER.

Jeez rereading this reminds me just how much Leo was sort of playing matchmaker between Vi and Donnie. He HAS to feel guilty now. Mad at Donnie, yeah, but also so guilty over all the things he did to push and encourage and tease.

You’ve been hugged more in the last few days than you probably have your entire life, and it feels so, so good, like you’re loved and you belong and they’re telling you that with their bodies as much as their words.

ONCE AGAIN. MAY I PLEASE HUG HER. That section is about how Donnie hasn't had that in a really long time, and that is heartbreaking, but I'm still really focused on Vi. Please let me hug her. Please.

---

Chapter 7

It’s tempting to think about the small things he’s done that could be him reciprocating your feelings; how he lets you into his lab, how his eyes consume you, how he lets you touch him, seems to crave it even.

[Through tears] yeah. Easy.

he’s an attractive genius ninja who could have anyone he wanted. And you’re just… you.

JUST YOU??? YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING. I WILL KILL FOR YOU, VI. FUCK.

Vi is so fucking funny. And smart. Well, of course, she's a perfect match for Donnie, and I love Donnie, so it makes sense, but still. I hate that she thinks so lowly of herself.

“Challenge? Absolutely not. I’m not even remotely dressed for that,” you deny, hesitating when Leo rolls his eyes. “…But I guess I can do one song.”

She sees Leo roll his eyes and relents. ONCE AGAIN I may be reading too into things, but I'm getting this... feeling about that. Idk. She WILL chew you out if you're an asshole. She WILL bicker and banter and razz. She isn't a pushover or anything at ALL, but... idk what I'm trying to say. This is making me think that, at least with people she really wants to like her, any sign of them being annoyed or upset by her has her internally scrambling to fix it. I'm probably just protecting here but. Idk.

Leo winking when you go off with Donnie. :(

“I don’t… like it when people touch me,” ... “—but it feels different when it’s you,” he says, and this time when his gaze meets yours, your breath latches in your throat like a lock and his eyes are clouded with a hesitant clarity, like he knows exactly what he’s saying but he doesn’t understand why he’s saying it.

Come on. Come ON. He doesn't understand. This HAS to mirror him not understanding the nature of their relationship later on, right??

It’s possible, you suppose, that you’re misunderstanding what he’s implying—again projecting what you want to hear on his words.

Flinging myself. Into. The sun.

[Donnie's] tone tucking into a more clinical tone like a safety blanket

Just like how viewing the relationship from a strictly clinical, experimental point of view protects him. Am I reading into this right? This is still early, before Vi sees them as having gotten together, but it mirrors what happens later, right? It's a defense thing for him, to see their activities as strictly an experiment and to not let himself look any closer whether he realizes it or not?

(GOD. JUST GOTTA TAKE A BREATHER HERE. THE TOUCH STUFF. I'M WEAK. STILL. I'M WEAK. I CANNOT COMMENT FURTHER ON IT BECAUSE I JUST. GOD.)

“What? I can’t compliment my bestie and her fine legs?” Leo coos, reaching over and flicking your nose gently.

“Leonardo,” Donnie warns, folding his arms.

I'm sorry. What other way is there to read this aside from Donnie already feeling a little possessive over Vi? Also I'm glad Leo is giving her compliments pretty often. SOMEONE needs to.

So many little things that indicate Donnie likes her, really truly likes her... HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BLAME VI WITH ALL THIS BUILDUP AND EVIDENCE. I'M FUCKING. UGHHHH

---

Chapter 8

Having such amazing friends wants you to reach out and have a little piece of that, maybe learn how to be a little amazing yourself, too.

You ARE amazing. I'm crying in the fucking club over Vi. What the FUCK.

God. The anti-mutant guy in the coffee shop. Once again she so easily sticks up for others without a single thought to her own wellbeing. Also, the random guy that stepped in and started beating that fucker... again, I'm not letting anything go. I wonder if he's actually just a random guy or if he's important/will come back into play. Also, Vi getting hurt and thinking "it better not stop me from practicing" like??? I SWEAR. (Workaholic. Must be useful. Must keep going so I don't have time to wallow in loneliness. etc.)

Just noticing, again, how Vi tries so hard to respect boundaries. Not asking April about Casey's past while she talks with April in the coffee shop, even after April lets a little comment slip. She tries to respect boundaries so hard and takes on so much emotional labor. That's not nothing.

Donnie tells her to send another pic of herself in the bath. Says he noticed she wasn't wearing her perfume recently. I'm sorry. WHAT is platonic about that. Literally I do not fucking understand. God. Just fucking shoot me.

Irritable, you at least make yourself useful and clean your apartment

The way she phrases that. Make yourself useful. I'm. SIGH. I need to hug her. It's not a want, at this point, it's a need.

you watch as his brows furrow again, his lips pursing. “…I don’t like this.”

“The bruise? Me neither. It fucking hurts.”

“Someone else’s handprint on you,” he specifies.

Come ON. And then saying he enjoys touching her. COME ON. How is he not in love with her? He's GOTTA be.

She calls him beautiful. He. He doesn't say it back. This kills the man (the man is me). He does say he's enjoying holding her hand, but that's tied back to the experiment. I'm so sad.

When Leo accidentally hurts Vi by pressing the bruise and she is like "it's fine I'm fine" AND moves away so Donnie doesn't touch her because she's hyper aware that Donnie doesn't want Leo to know about the touch thing?? CONSTANTLY. THINKING. OF OTHERS.

“…You don’t even get how incredible you are, do you?” he asks, causing you to roll your eyes. “You seriously don’t see it.”

YES LEO. YES. TELL HER. I'M SO!!!!! UGH.

---

Chapter 9

Wearing a line into your rug, you shake your hands as you fret, brain racing a million miles an hour while your muscles buzz with the need to be productive.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm so sad for her. This is one of the million little things that makes me worry so much over Vi. The need to be productive, the anxiety over it even when she has a legitimate reason to take it easy.

[Leo] His frown deepens, eyes going a little dark with anger. It reminds you, a bit, of the energy you’d felt before he’d known you; when a simple stare had all the hairs on your body standing on end, paralyzed, a rabbit before a stalking wolf.

Sorry, wolf Leo? Sorry, villain au? Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh OK ok sorry I'm back to normal Sorry

You swallow at the sight of it, and, needing to soothe, change the subject before he can really engage with it

Needing to soothe. God. GOD. Seriously, I cannot stop thinking about how this might be a result of trauma just because I see it so often with Vi. Like she's... taking responsibility for other people's potential negative emotions/reactions when it's people she's close to. Feeling the need to do anything she can to prevent a blowup or whatever. I'm unwell.

Leo may be better at reading people than you, but you’re still really good.

This kills me. I'm TELLING you, man, Donnie is in love with her and she thought it was a relationship because it SHOULD be, it WOULD be if Donnie wasn't oblivious to his own feelings (or maybe he has different views on what a relationship is? Maybe there are unspoken laws in his head about what constitutes this sort of relationship vs that sort of relationship? Idk I'm honestly sort of an idiot so I'll just have to wait and see what Sam reveals about all this, but I can't help reeling all over again when lines like this pop up).

[Helping Leo relax and sleep] It’s not practicing, but it is something productive you can do, in a way. The need to be useful. Again. I'm crying.

“Want some water? I’ll grab us something.” ... “Sure,” you tell him, knowing he needs to take care, to provide in order to feel in control,

Even letting someone else do something for her is framed as her trying to be useful. I'm FUCKING crying.

So you sit, quiet, letting him use you,

That wording. Letting him use you. God. GOD. I'm not joking when I tell you my heart fucking aches for Vi. This isn't anything bad - she's just helping Leo get some sleep - but the phrasing of letting him use her. I'm so deeply unwell.

[Leo says] “You n’ Donnie really are perfect for each other.”

Yeah. Fuck.

“You work too much, you know that?"

YOU'RE RIGHT, LEO. YOU'RE SO FUCKING RIGHT.

...peering into the plastic bag to find a sweet spread of sushi. Wow, Leo really felt bad about the drool thing, you muse.

Alternatively, he appreciates the fuck out of you. Hang on I'm gonna look Too Hard at this real quick. The idea that Vi naturally defaults to Leo getting her nice sushi because he feels guilty rather than thankful. The idea that she isn't doing anything worthy of appreciation or praise, but rather that he mostly just feels obligated to make up for drooling on her. I need to hug her please. I'm actually begging at this point.

[Thinking about Donnie] It’s ridiculous how he can be so smart and so stupid at the same time

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. FUCK.

“It’s just so funny to think of him apparently hating classical music now, because before, he always used to listen to—” Casey starts lightheartedly, though his jaw snaps shut and his face goes very, very still. Terrorized eyes snap wide on your face like he’s seeing you for the first time, like you’re a myth come to life. ... “…Oh, no,” he warbles, his lips quivering as he looks at you like he’s seen a ghost. Then, with a jolt, he shakes his head, clutching at the back of his nape hard and looking off to the side, a tormented fake smile on his face that looks sharp as a knife and like it’s cutting him just as much to hold it. “I-It’s nothing, just… Just thought about something I’d heard when I was a kid, once. I just… suddenly realized something, is all.” ... He looks like he has War and Peace on the tip of his tongue as he nearly consumes your face, memorizing it even,

OH MY GOD. OUCH. HAHA. HA. YEAH. OKAY. YEAH.

It makes you clutch your biceps, nails digging into your flesh, muscles pulling tight as you fret, fret, fret.

There it is again, the nails digging into skin. A little thing, but it has the potential to be dangerous, or even to hint at something dangerous being a possibility in the future. (Me projecting, projecting, projecting, always.)

God. I'm falling in love with Donnie once again. When will I be stopped.

“You—I’m so mad at you for doing this when I told you not to, but also this is the most amazing thing anyone’s ever done for me, and I want to thank you but I don’t have any cookies on me at the moment.”

Hey look I'm gonna Read Way Too Into Things again. She says this as if her words mean nothing. As if saying thank you and verbally expressing her gratitude is not enough, so she has to do something (be useful be useful be useful) to really be expressing her gratitude. (I get that sometimes words don't feel like enough, especially when we're so overcome with gratitude and we want the other person to REALLY get how thankful we are, I promise I get that, but it's just all these little tiny constant bits that have me seeing innocuous things like this as so much more. I'm sorry, again, I'm probably projecting.)

Also, just saying this so I have it on record, but Donnie has very firmly confirmed that he has befriended her, here. Just saying. For my sanity.

(The touch stuff. I'm on fire. I am burning as I type. God.)

[Raph] “Don’t mention it. Worrying is what I do."

That comment makes me so sad. Everything makes me sad. I'm a sad sack over every single person in this goddamn fic.

(Third Law. I'm soft.)

Leo calling Vi a "lovely lady" - once again, thank God someone is complimenting her.

Leo giving Donnie a flat look... I need to know what is going on in his mind like I need air.

LEO ASKING IF EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND CALLING HER HERMOSA AND BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

---

Chapter 10

Mikey is so!!! I love him I love him I love him I-

(Mikey calls her cute in the group chat 💕 sweetest boy)

Vi making more cookies for the boys. Again. (Useful useful useful)

Huffing out in relief, you smile and nod, showing him the ulnar flossing exercises

Vi feeling relief that Mikey asks to see the wrist stretches... relief that she is being useful. Relief that she can help. Sigh.

When Donnie is laying on the cot, he asks Vi to stay and: the angle he’s using to tug on you is encouraging you to lie down instead. You hesitate, swallowing thickly, causing him to huff out an annoyed sigh, his eyes falling shut into a frown.

“If you’d rather go find Leo—”

“What? No,” you say, baffled he’d even think that. You try to remember the words he’d used yesterday, when you’d asked for a hug, ready to use them against him. “It’s just that this is a… a rather large escalation of contact.”

“Oh,” Donnie says, his frown smoothing out a bit. “Not really? It’s essentially the same thing?”

“…But in bed?” you clarify, wondering if maybe there’s some kind of turtle-brained thing that makes horizontal touches no different, or if you’re just overreacting.

HANG ON. THIS HITS DIFFERENT NOW.

he starts the music and then tucks back into you like that’s just what the two of you do.

...Donnie doesn't have a lot of friends, either. Do you think he really doesn't see the stuff that's happening as romantic? Does he think, even once the sex starts, that it's not unusual for friends to engage in that sort of thing as long as they agree to it beforehand? Or is he so deluded into thinking she wouldn't want him romantically that HE'S thinking she sees the experiment as the only reason to do that stuff with him, so there's no way they could really be together in a romantic relationship? (I'm trying so hard to understand and give him credit here. I'm gonna have to reread chapter 20 again for what he says exactly because I feel so stupid.)

Eager to stop what looks like an imminent meltdown from Mikey, you step forward first and start piling food onto your plate. “It looks great, Mike,” you tell him, both out of honestly and also to get him to look at you and smile instead of glaring at his brothers.

Once again Vi is taking responsibility for preventing conflict/negative emotions between people she cares about.

You’re glad your back is turned on the way to the table when he says that, as none of the turtles see the way your face crumples just a little at the wave of emotion that grips you when he calls you family.

(Lonely lonely lonely) let me hug her!!!!

Leo calls her a pretty girl when he's on the phone with Donnie in her apartment. Once again, I love him SO MUCH for being loose with his compliments, because Vi deserves people who will make her feel good about herself, but also he's clearly riling Donnie up with comments like that - what way is there to read it other than Donnie liking Vi romantically and feeling possessive over her? Everything points to Donnie either just being dense about his own feelings or not fully understanding what a relationship IS if he really doesn't see them as in a relationship by chapter 20. Unless I'm so incredibly missing the point, which is always possible because I am, in fact, an oblivious idiot most of the time.

---

Chapter 11

("lbjean_87’s Insta profile" is a reference, I'm sure, but idk what exactly other than the "87" for the 87 tmnt cartoon)

The whole interaction with Barry where he says Vi is having a positive impact on the boys... and she's uncomfortable with the implication that she's doing something special, struggling with someone pointing it out, struggling to accept that she is a special person who positively impacts others...

Barry hums thoughtfully. “I see. It is not that you are self-depreciating. You are, in fact, just an idiot.”

Hm. Just pointing this out because I forgot about it. It's so ingrained for her to diminish what she does for others, and he sees that I think... but also. This line from Barry being in THIS chapter, where the whole misunderstanding STARTS.

“Why are you sorry?”

You exhale a sharp breath, running a frustrated hand through your hair. “I’m sorry he found out? That I didn’t keep our promise not to let anyone know? That he tried to hug you and you freaked out? That I haven’t been helping you with your touch thing as much as I’d hoped I was? I mean, fuck, pick one, dude.”

Again, she takes on so much responsibility and guilt. I'm SO interested in learning more about her relationship with Alopex (and any other trauma that may have contributed to all of these things I'm noticing that she does).

Okay nobody panic but I'm finally to The Point where they establish some things and set up for the bombshell.

“…Intimate touches,” you repeat, turning back to look at him once you’ve pulled yourself away from the brink of flying right out of your own skin. “Like… what, petting? Kissing? Sex? What are we talking about, exactly?”

“All of it, ideally,” he says. “I’m quite curious to study how I’ll react, especially considering the whole touch aversion situation.”

Curious how he'd react... oh my god. He doesn't say anything about a relationship at all. This is killing me. It's all focused on the experiment. I'm a fucking fool.

“…Do… Do you wanna try it?” you ask, a tiny glittering light threatening to bloom like a sun in your chest. “…Us, together, I mean?”

Okay yeah. "Us together" could just be read as "us doing those things together" rather than "us being together in a romantic relationship." Goddddd.

Giddy excitement spreads over his face unlike what you’ve seen before. “Really? With… With me?” he asks, and god, the sight of him so openly happy makes you fucking ascend.

So the first time, I read that as 'you're really open to dating me (and all the things that come with that)?' But now it's ONLY 'you're willing to do sex stuff with me/to help more with my touch thing and sate my curiosity?' SAD. DEVASTATED. EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED.

“Of course, I—” ... “Donnie, I… of course. I’d be stupid to say no, right?”

“Oh, that’s such a relief,” he says, closing his eyes and sighing into your palm. “I’ve been making spreadsheets of things I’ve wanted to try for several days and wondering how best to bring it up, especially considering—well. It’s quite helpful that you did so yourself. Excellent work, consultant.”

Fuck. FUCK. Consultant, he calls her. It really is still an experiment to him at this point. And the first time I thought it was just a cute tease, a bit of funny flirting, but it WASN'T. FUCK. Sam is a genius. I hate myself. He's focused on the spreadsheets and things he's been wanting to try for his touch aversion. He's giddy because of that, not because he's getting into an official relationship with her. (I still think he's in love with her and maybe just doesn't realize it fully, but holy God his words are actually focused on the experiment here.) What would he have said after "especially considering" if he hadn't cut himself off??? FUCK.

[Vi talking] "We’re partners, now, so we have to take care of each other."

Partners. Still worded to fit with the experiment mindset, so of course that wouldn't tip off Donnie. Fuck.

[Donnie talking] “I’d… like to keep this between the two of us as well, for now. To the confines of the lab. While we establish the parameters.” ... “I have no interest in keeping anything a secret. I only want to improve the quality of our partnership's results before sharing, nothing more."

Again, it's not named as a romantic relationship. He just calls it 'this' and a 'partnership' when he talks about their arrangement. (The clinical talk... 'improve quality of results before sharing.' Fuck. FUCK.)

Rereading the sexy stuff is fucking PAINFUL now. Oh my god.

“Don’t move,” he growls, making you freeze in place even as his brows furrow hard and his grip loosens almost immediately. “I—Sorry. Sorry, I—I don’t know where that came from.”

Stuff like this has me wondering again if he really doesn't understand what he's feeling with Vi. And that lack of understanding is reinforcing his focus on it being an Experiment, because he wants to understand how he's responding and why, to understand what he's feeling, and to do that he needs to gather and study data.

Donnie goes stiff when April calls and asks if Vi is with Leo. That's not the first time Donnie does something that indicates jealousy or possessiveness over Vi, but what if it's something else? It's only with Leo that I can remember, but I thought that was because Leo is the only one constantly hanging out with/touching/complimenting Vi, but what if it's something else regarding Leo? I really do not know what else it could be, but... I'm trying not to assume things anymore that aren't confirmed through dialog.

you sigh, turning your face into the pillow and inhaling deeply. It smells like Donnie, making your toes curl in delight. Pulling away, you look over to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, studying you. “…What are you doing?”

Yeah if they're not in a relationship it makes sense for him to react like that. (I'm so goddamn sad)

“You… promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind about this, right?”

“About… us?” you ask, and when he nods, you sit up, pressing your forehead to his. “Donnie, I—”

“—Promise?” he interrupts, making your mouth close.

“…Promise,” you tell him. And, since it’s clearly so important to him, “You promise? You’ll tell me?”

“I won’t change my mind,” he assures, making you shake your head. He sighs. “Yes. I promise.”

Hits different. God. I need to be in this fucker's head. I need his exact reasoning for thinking he won't change his mind. Is it curiosity regarding the outcome? Is it because he really likes her (and recognizes that)? I don't know!!

D - Just informing you that the nap did indeed take place.

V - i’m so glad!! thanks for letting me know

D - It would be a poor business exchange if I didn’t.

BUSINESS EXCHANGE. FUCK. I'M GOING TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC.

---

[Through tears] Chapter 12

Vi is so happy. So happy that she's helping Donnie with touch, Leo with sleep, Mikey with his hands (useful, useful, useful). So happy to be in a "relationship" with Donnie. She is so happy, and I am so, so sad.

Sinclair (I think it's Sinclair, Vi doesn't know/remember her name yet and I'm just a terrible with my memory) refers to a Ren. Renet, maybe?? 👀

You leave a little bit earlier than you usually do since you’re meeting Leo for lunch

YES there's a little bit of that positive influence on Vi bc of the boys! Leave practice early baby!!

Drinking with your neighbors, a boyfriend, lunch with your best friend… It feels like you’re cheating, a little. Like you’ve gotten something you don’t completely deserve.

[Clutching heart] that's a one-two punch. Vi calling Donnie her boyfriend in her head, and then Vi feeling like she didn't EARN the happiness she's feeling. OUCH.

Oh FUCK. The whole interaction with Leo in the kitchen. So many things. Leo's reaction to you confirming that you touch Donnie and that Donnie touches you. Vi doing that thing again where she digs her nails into her skin. Comparing Leo to a wolf and Vi to a rabbit (stop it blurple villain au, STOP IT, I'm trying to focus). I'm not gonna copy paste the entire section, but Leo's reaction is SO.... hang on

“Him wanting to put his hands all over you? Wanting to touch you? Mark you up? How far have you two gone, huh? Should I just pick a place on you and see if he’s touched that, too? Or is that another thing I’m not allowed to know?” ... “Why are you the one he—” Leo snarls

Is he really just that angry and bitter because Donnie hasn't let his family touch him in so long? Because Donnie hasn't let LEO touch him in so long? Because, relatively quickly, Vi has managed to push past that barrier when Leo couldn't? Or is he mad because it's intimate touches, specifically? Why exactly? Because Leo likes Vi? I don't think that's it, but again I'm trying not to assume or overlook things. Leo was playing matchmaker with them so hard toward the beginning, and now he reacts like this? What did he think was going to happen? Do you remember him asking Vi if she was single and saying she and Donnie were perfect for each other? Because I do. Did he want them together but assumed they wouldn't be touching no matter what since that's been Donnie's default mode for so long? I'm so dense I do not understand. LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. LEOOOOOOO.

Your back hits the wall behind you hard as you flinch away instinctively. ... Your arms have covered your face, your whole body quaking as you fight to make yourself as small as possible. ... when you don’t move, when you can’t speak ... taking in your terrified posture ... You close your eyes, feeling the tears continue to stream down your cheeks. Clenching your teeth, swallowing the adrenaline rushing in your veins screaming for you to stay still and not move ... He’s safe! you scream to yourself, trying to remember that it’s gospel. He’s safe! He’s safe! He’s safe! ... Sobs tear out of your lungs in massive heaving rolls that leave you shaking against him.

Is Vi's visceral reaction of fear ONLY due to Leo being Just That Scary? Or has she experienced physical violence from someone close to her before? She can stand her ground against asshole strangers that actually try to hurt her (for example, the guy from the coffee shop and guy in the park - or wherever it was, I don't remember and I'm not there yet, but it was when she fell in the water sticking up for Raph), chase after mutant silverfish with a music stand, react quickly to protect the kids when shots are fired, run to Dakota after the bomb goes off, etc. etc. And those were Real Dangerous Situations, too. The difference here is it's Leo. Her best friend. Someone she's close to, someone she trusts. When it's a person like that, she freezes in fucking terror... and remember the other times she's tried to step in when someone close to her starts getting angry? To soothe, to deescalate...

He’s safe. He’s your best friend. He’s family. He’s Leo, and the fact that even a tiny piece of you was afraid of him—it horrifies you. ... “I-I’m sorry, too. I-I didn’t mean to—I don’t know why I—I know you’d n-never—” “Instinct,” he cuts off clinically. Hollowly. “You were scared. I scared you.”

I think I'm looking too hard at this maybe. She's horrified that she was scared, and she says "I don't know why" she reacted like that, and if she'd experienced violence with someone close to her in the past surely she would've thought something about it, connected those dots in her mind at that point? I don't know. I suppose we'll have to wait and see what Sam reveals, if anything. Like I said, maybe I'm reading too much into this.

“…Donnie and I are dating,” you tell Leo, feeling him go rigid against you when you tell the secret that feels so stupid to keep if it means losing him. “I… I asked him out yesterday, and he said yes. But he wants to keep it quiet for a while, while we figure everything out, so…”

Pain. Pain and agony and suffering. She says this to Leo in no uncertain terms about what she means, whereas with Donnie it could have been taken a different way and apparently WAS. Fuck.

“He… he talked about missing hugs?” Leo echoes, sounding a little broken.

This Whole Thing hurts just as much the second time around. Ouch. Owie.

"I have no idea what’s safe to talk about with you people, so I just assume everything’s off limits until I hear otherwise!”

Again, she's so careful to respect boundaries.

[Leo] He tilts his head when you come inside, grinning at you and patting the ground between his legs as he spreads them and wiggles his feet like he thinks he’s adorable.

BECAUSE HE IS ADORABLE. DAMMIT. THIS IS A DONNIE FIC. I AM A DONNIE GIRL. STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH LEO AS WELL. (/pos of course, ALL of this is positive, I promise)

“Don’t be mean to me, I’m just a little meow meow.”

FUUUUUCK I LOVE LEO SO MUCH STOPPPPPPPPPPPP

“…Don’t tell him,” Leo pleads quietly, making you pause where you were reaching out to grab your laptop. “Tell who what?” “Donnie. That I know. …Don’t tell him.”

Do you think Leo remembers saying this and feels guilty now? Do you think he wonders if you had been given the green light to tell Donnie that Leo knows you two are "dating" that maybe the whole miscommunication thing wouldn't have spiraled and gone on as long?

“Just kidding. You’re so gullible,” [Donnie says]

Just. Just putting this here. For the record. For future reference.

“…Does Leo do this to you?” he whispers, entranced. “…Does he make you have goosebumps, too?” His thumb finds the edge of your nipple through your bra and shirt,

God. Hits different. He's actually fucking yearning here isn't he. Yearning for her and not even realizing he has her?? Again, does he think this is something friends just do? Was he wondering if Leo touches you intimately, as well??

(The kissing is so fucking hot. A wordsmith as always, Jesus CHRIST, Sam. But also reading it with the constant voice in the back of my head saying "he doesn't see them as dating" over and over and over IS SO. I don't have a word for it but it's killing me.)

[Donnie, after you stop kissing] “Sorry. I suppose I did, uh. Get a little over-eager there.”

the silent promise you made to one turtle versus the explicit one you made to another and how they stand at odds with the other.

^So many lines now are hitting me differently. God.

[Donnie talking about Leo sleeping on Vi and therefore making her smell like Leo] “I really don’t—I’m starting think he does it on purpose to irritate me, specifically.”

So if Donnie doesn't see them as together, doesn't see Vi as his... what does he mean here? Does he recognize that he feels possessive but doesn't fully understand why? Or does he really just not like the way Leo smells???

Donnie talking about how he smells that she's aroused, admitting that he is aroused... taking about it so matter-of-factly. He's separating romantic and sexual feelings so completely in a way that Vi doesn't, in a way that the reader wouldn't. (Is that the whole point that I'm missing here? That he DOES separate sexual and romantic relationships so CLEARLY in his mind? And that's why he can yearn for her, think he doesn't have her even while they're fucking and spending so much time together and doing things that couples DO?)

Donnie referring to the Third Law as the reason that he gets to learn how to make her feel good... almost like that's his sole reason or like that's his excuse for doing so...

“…I’m not particularly interested in my brothers smelling you like this,” he mutters

Because it would cause a stir? Because he wants the experiment to continue without outside influence? Because he simply doesn't want them to know his business? Because he knows she would be embarrassed? LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. YOU AND LEO BOTH ARE KILLING ME.

---

Chapter 13

Goddammit I lost my notes for this chapter and had to try and remember what I had already written TWICE because I'm a mobile user who is also an idiot. Anyway.

The beginning of my notes for this chapter was mostly me gushing about how much it made me smile. It's the one where Vi gets sick and goes to the store to get cat food for the neighbor. (Basically - I love Vi, I love the boys, I love the group chat.)

When the neighbor gets mutated, Vi pushes Leo out of the way so that she is the one pounced on instead of Leo. There was no real danger, but she didn't know that when she reacted. It kills me that in her delirious, can barely think straight, actually thinks she's hallucinating state, her instinct is to take the hit for Leo. (Better me than you, you're more important, I can be useful, I'm useful, useful, use me use me use me FUCK)

So many lines hit different with Donnie... she's sick and going to sleep in his room, and them interacting alone here (with my knowledge of chapter 20) makes my chest ache.

She says she missed him -> For some reason, he laughs a little at that. “Is that so? What prompted the thought?”

Her shirt is all sweaty and he tells her to just take it off, but then -> “I’m curious to see if my body temperature will help with your fever.”

They're in his bed, lying together, and she kisses him -> “D-Don’t do that here,” he stutters, sounding a little like it’s a significant effort to tell you. “I don’t want to start something we aren’t—aren’t planning on—”

A little later -> “…I want to…” he trails off in a breathless tone, pressing into your throat a little harder than usual. ... “Wanna what?” you ask, prompting him to shake his head. “It’s nothing. Get some rest. I’ll be here until you fall asleep.”

I'm in so much fucking pain.

Vi goes to the library for books on PTSD to help the fam. She spends time reading and taking notes and just. God. She's such a good friend. (Use me. I need to earn this love. I need to be good and useful.)

Leo has his insomnia. (He has something else, you know, you just know, but until he decides to do his little secret-spilling venture he told you you were due, you’re in the dark on that.)

Is this something we might find out about during their talk on Saturday??? I hope so.

You don’t know anything about Raph, you mourn, underlining his name twice on your notepad in a bit of self-loathing. So much for him being family, you think sourly.

It's hardly her fault, but again she's putting it on herself.

At the end of the chapter, she wakes up to realize that Leo saw the evidence of her reading those books and taking notes and working to make herself more helpful (USEFUL) in her free time. He knows how hard she's trying to help. So you think he feels guilty over that, too, now? Again, all she does is give give give, and even when she does allow herself to take she feels that need to earn it, that need to be worthy of it.

---

Chapter 14

DAKOTA APPEARS. LIGHT OF MY LIFE. DARLING GIRL YOU DESERVE THE WORLD I LOVE YOU.

Yeah there it is! The confrontation with the guy in the park. Raph is so right to be worried because she IS going to get hurt if she keeps this up.

[Raph talking] "you can’t be stupid like that,” he says, making you flinch. 

Time for me to Read Too Much Into Things again. I've noticed, even before chapter 20 when it gets really really bad, she often refers to herself as stupid or uses stupid as an adjective when describing what she's doing. Her flinching when Raph uses that word specifically has me wondering if that word was used against her a lot in the past (by Alopex maybe?) or if she's always had A Thing about thinking she's stupid.

Raph gives you a small crooked smile. “Well, it sure made him mad thinkin’ you was my girl. So maybe you should just start datin’ a mutant real open-like.” 

You give a wet laugh, rubbing at your eyes hard. If only he knew. “Yeah. That… That sounds like something I’d like.” 

Hey what's up I'm CRYING

(Also, once again, every time Vi refers to Donnie as her boyfriend in her head, I suffer)

[Leo talking about Vi having no self-preservation instincts] “Oh yeah? Looks to me like you wouldn’t know fear if it—” he starts, only for his jaw to clamp shut and a stricken look to cross his face.

I know this is him remembering when he scared Vi in her kitchen, but JUST IN CASE their talk on Saturday reveals anything I'm keeping this here for my own future reference.

Not helping the desire is that he’s wearing those fucking sweatpants again. If he were any kind of perceptive, you’d wonder if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing when he put those things on his ass

First of all, SWEATPANTELLO SJSJZBAKXH. Second of all, "if he were any kind of perceptive" has me eating through the drywall.

Oh my god. When Donnie brings up what happened in the park, he just says he made her a new phone and then "There was mud all over the processing board, which, speaking of, I hope you weren’t injured?” I'm getting a little bit of whiplash here. He was so angry over the bruise she got, but with this his reaction is less intense. And I'm remembering after one of the attacks with Dakota that his reaction wasn't as intense as I expected, either. But then with the guy on their aquarium "date" the reaction was WAY more intense. Hm. I almost need to look at those instances side by side once more after I catch up to 20 on this reread.

Also idk why this popped into my head just now, but I'm wondering if something happened between Leo and Donnie in the past. Something more than just the fact that Donnie doesn't let Leo (or the rest of the fam) touch him. There are so many times where Leo like... gives Donnie a blank/weird look or reacts a certain way when Vi talks about Donnie or even riles Donnie up by making Vi smell like him, making little comments about her being pretty or him being her favorite or whatever... a bunch of things that COULD just be Leo being a little shit but could also be something more (something like Leo liking Vi, sure, but I really don't think so??? More and more I wonder if it could be something that's related to an incident in the past between the twins??). God I cannot WAIT for Leo and Vi to talk on Saturday.

Vi says she doesn't talk to her family anymore because they're so anti-mutant and they had a huge falling out. I'm still wondering if there was some kind of abuse she suffered from her family, as well, even if she doesn't recognize it as having been abuse. (Racist family members being cruel to you hits close to home, I'm almost certainly projecting.)

“A mutant? You?” Donnie gapes, looking shocked. “You dated a mutant?” 

You bark out an incredulous laugh. “How are you surprised by this?” 

YEP. SAM IS RIGHT. HITS FUCKING DIFFERENT. GOD.

You haven’t thought about Alopex in years; it’s odd, now, how you finally feel able to do so without pain.

Ooooh boy. I CANNOT WAIT to find out more about the past relationship with Alopex. And if I recall correctly Sam has said Alopex will make an appearance and I am SO EXCITED.

[Vi talking] "I have a family again, and I have you. That’s all I need.” 

Donnie frowns, but whatever machinations are in his head are tabled when instead he just sighs

She makes that distinction here between the fam and Donnie. Specifically says "I have you" and he frowns. During my first read I thought he was frowning at the whole estranged family/Alopex breakup thing. Now I'm wondering what he thought about that comment "I have you."

Engage alarm 16-44-SD - I wonder what the significance of the numbers and letters are. Do you think we'll find out?

[Vi asks Donnie to cuddle and they're getting situated on the cot] “What are your goals for this evening?” he asks, using his hand to glide along your jaw, cupping your nape to turn your face to his. 

“With you?” you ask to clarify, and when he nods, you hum. “Don’t really have any. Just want to feel good with you.” 

Donnie studies you for a moment

Fuck. FUCK. "What are your goals" I'm pacing like a madman. WHAT IS HE THINKING WHEN HE STUDIES HER AFTER HER RESPONSE. FUCK.

“…Actually, I changed my mind. I wanna kiss you again.” 

Donnie’s smirk is a little lazy. “That was quick. I was expecting to have to work on you a bit longer for that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m easy for you. Sue me,” you tell him ... “That you are,” he agrees ... “…Want to feel good,” he murmurs against your mouth, repeating your request of him like he’s contemplating it, still. When you nod, he dips down, his second kiss a bit more

This Whole fucking interaction. My heart is shredded. Him thinking about her saying she wants to feel good, taking that as her saying the 'goal' of today's 'session' is that and then having her come using his thigh so they can achieve that 'session goal' and collect data.

[Asking if she's sure he has to touch somewhere first before she'll touch him there] “Though I suppose it’s fine. Just more data. And I’m hardly opposed to making you feel good first.”

JUST MORE DATA he says

[Donnie tells you to take off the clothes Leo lent you] Vi - “Donnie, I’m not wearing anything under this.” 

“…Okay?” he says, looking at you like he doesn’t understand the problem.

This is SO. I JUST. FUCK. Sex and nude intimacy is all part of the project. Why WOULD it be a big deal? They agreed that the experiment would include kissing, petting, sex, etc. There's no feelings involved, it's just necessary for the session, for the data. I'm Unwell.

(The sexy stuff is, once again, SO HOT but SO PAINFUL to read)

[After she comes using his thigh] “Oh, yeah. I’m gonna remember that for a long, long time. Until you one up yourself, of course.” 

“A good scientist is always seeking to extract better results from his subject matter,” Donnie agrees. 

SUBJECT MATTER. I'M LAYING DOWN ON THE TRAIN TRACKS. AND THEN IN HER MIND SHE REFERS TO HIM ONCE AGAIN AS HER BOYFRIEND. WHERE IS THAT GODDAMN TRAIN. I'M WAITING.

I wonder if Sam was writing this and smirking evilly the entire fucking time. Evil. EVIL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL E-

---

Chapter 15

SINCLAIR'S NAME IS JUNE. FUCK I FORGOT LMAO I'm just as bad as Vi

Vi making cookies again for the 4th of July party. Then in the shower, talking to Leo about it.

“I was thinking I’d make enough cookies for you guys to have left over, since I know you like ‘em a lot. Plus I feel like I kind of owe Raph for the whole, uh, making him fish me out of the pond thing.” 

Leo doesn’t answer, you think, though you might have missed it as you duck your head under the water to get rid of the shampoo.

I was so distracted by blurple symphony au thoughts the first time I read this, but now I'm just thinking about how she worded that.

“I was thinking I’d bring him [Raph] by some bread later, too. I know we kind of worked it all out, but I’d feel better if I really had a good apology. He was pretty upset. And Donnie, too. I need to make him something. Not that he, uh, did anything. But the thought was there, I guess."

Once again, she feels the need to DO something for others. As an apology, as appreciation. Thoughtful to the point of making me worry.

(Also, I wonder if the talk with Leo on Saturday will shed light on what he was doing/thinking here while she was showering)

“Glad to be of service,” you laugh

YEAH. YOU ALWAYS ARE.

[Vi says she'll try to get Donnie to come to the party] Casey stares at you with eyes that see a little too far into your soul for your liking, but then he pulls them back and laughs like he didn’t just sear your bones. “Well, if anyone could, I bet it’d be you.”

:) pain

“He’s got me on security protocol 27-L-Alpha, but family’s allowed through on that one, so you can go ahead in,” Shelldon says

Again, I wonder about the significance of the numbers and letters. Also, FAMILY IS ALLOWED THROUGH. So Donnie sees her as family? I need to be inside his head.

She gets him to go to the party and he says she'll owe him. Is that the only reason he agrees? Because then she owes him something? Is he just hungry? Is he soft for her without realizing?

When the yokai is flirting with Vi at the party, WHAT is Donnie thinking? I must know. Vi looks at Donnie and thinks that he's 'too traumatized, probably by those fucking brain aliens, to fish you out.' If Donnie thought they were dating, would he have stepped in?

Leo hooks his head onto your shoulder, nuzzling his beak into your throat and humming like he does when it’s just the two of you. ... his fingers fluttering on your stomach as his eyes cut off to the side. He has a sharp look to his features that you’re a bit too drunk to dissect, so you just ignore it. 

I'm squinting so hard at this. This is at the party in front of everyone, but it's GOTTA be another attempt at riling Donnie up, right? UGH

(GOD. DONNIE PULLING YOU INTO HIS ROOM. STICKING HIS FINGERS INTO YOUR MOUTH. GOD. FUCK. JESUS HOLY HELL I'M ON FIRE.)

“Gonna kill him,” Donnie growls against your skin

Is he talking about Leo? WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH, HUH DONNIE? Seriously, did something fucking happen between him and Leo in the past that's related to all this? Or is this just Donnie being jealous and possessive over Vi despite them just being "partners" for the project??

He grabs your chin, holding your face to his, and you open your damp eyes to see that he’s staring at you, cataloging your every move. 

Data collection. I know I'm repeating myself here, but this is so so painful to read.

Pulling away, Donnie groans, his forehead finding your shoulder. “Fuck. I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry,” he says, causing you to laugh. You sink your fingers into his nape, stroking long lines against worried flesh. 

“How are you apologizing right now? That was incredible,” you promise. 

“It—It was outside the bounds of our agreement. We both stated that my lab was the only place where we’d—” he starts

:( that's all I can say. Just. :(

"I’m going to go to my lab and make sure this obnoxious music didn’t ruin anything.” 

OH MY GOD. THE RECORDINGS. HIM GOING TO THE LAB TO REVIEW THE DATA FOR THE PROJECT. HOW DID I COMPLETELY SKIP OVER THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME.

Vi asks for one last kiss and then -> “…You’re getting good at that,” you murmur against his mouth when he pulls away, opening your eyes to see him staring at you with lustrous eyes. 

“Third Law,” he says

Third Law. Something I want (your help with this project) for something you want (to feel good). Fuck. FUCK.

You turn your head, seeing that he has something to say on the tip of his tongue, but he shakes it off, looking off to the side. 

“…Text me when you get home,” he says instead, making you smile and nod. 

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY. WILL WE EVER FIND OUT? I'M FERAL.

Vi tells Mikey she and Donnie are dating. Once again it's explicit when she tells others but not when she's with Donnie. Kill me. Kill me.

Again, Vi worrying so much about the boys. Wishing she could help more. Sigh.

“…Yeah. Pretty,” he [Leo] agrees, voice quiet. ... you feel a beak nuzzle gently into your hair, inhaling softly to find your scent, before he goes carefully, painfully still; and just before you finally drift off to sleep on his shoulder, you imagine, you think, the sound of creaking wood beneath a tight, gripping fist. 

Once again the first time I read this as Leo maybe liking Vi or being upset that Donnie touches her when he hasn't been able to touch his brother in so long, but... Does Leo... does Leo know that Donnie doesn't see their partnership as romantic? Does he KNOW?? Is he letting this go on because it's helping Donnie and he wants his brother to get better???? HANG ON. HANG ON. IT BETTER NOT BE. IT BETTER FUCKING NOT. PLEASE TELL ME I'M WRONG. Is this Leo realizing that the partnership has become sexual and that this is so much worse for Vi than he thought? MY HEART IS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST. (I'm wrong. I have to be wrong. I have to be reading too much into it, right? Please tell me I'm wrong I'm on the verge of tears.)

---

Chapter 16

Sinclair recovers quickly, waving her hand. “Yo. Introduce us to the cutie?” 

“C-Cutie?” Raph repeats, flustering quickly.

Sinclair (June?) has a girlfriend I know but this little interaction makes me wish Raph could get someone, you know? I wish all the boys could get someone (if they want someone, that is). I want them all to be happy so badly :(

Also Sinclair's girlfriend is a mutant. Are we gonna meet her?

You dig your nails into your biceps hard. 

I worry. I fucking WORRY.

First mention of Scheherazade - oh my god. Forever sobbing.

Leo hasn't texted you today.

DOES HE FEEL GUILTY?

Sinclair calling Vi her friend :') getting her number :') I love her

Vi is so anxious over the thought of Leo being upset with her. And then there's a line when she goes to the lair to see him - hoping you’re not being too overbearing - that has me once again wondering if she had past experiences where someone got upset and reacted badly and blamed her, or maybe if she just internalized the bad reaction as her fault and now she's always scrambling to soothe and fix? Thinking of how toxic relationships can have that affect on people, you know?

He isn’t Alopex, you remind yourself. It’s cruel to impose upon him the damaged expectations from the last relationship you’d had. Cruel to yourself, seeing darkness where there isn’t any to be found. You’re letting old insecurities seep in, you think, feeling your eyes burn a little.

Yeah, this. I wonder if we'll find out about the exact details of everything that happened? I think we will, and I'm excited.

[Leo talking] “I’ve just been… tired. Thinking about things. About what I want.” 

Tilting your head, you ask. “…What you want?” 

Leo nods, bringing your hand to his mouth to brush a kiss to your knuckles, staring at them as he brings your hand to his lap. “I’m. I’m still thinking about it. If I promise to tell you, can you give me time?” 

If I'm right. And I pray that I'm wrong. But. If I'm right. He's thinking about what's more important to him, about what he wants more - truly being a good friend to you vs. using you to help Donnie with his touch thing even though he knows what's really going on, even though he knows you think something else is happening when it's not. (If I'm right... he's using her. He's using her, after seeing how lonely she was, how willing she is to help, how desperate she is to be useful, manipulating that, taking advantage of that. Please God let me be wrong.)

Upstairs, you find Donnie sitting in front of his wall of computer screens, each plastered with an ocean of diagrams and spreadsheets. Deep in thought ... “Oh, good. I was just thinking about you,” he says

He's looking at the spreadsheets for the project. Of course he'd be thinking of her. Sobbing. Screaming. I hate myself.

[Donnie smells Leo on Vi] "Really pisses me off,” he grumbles

Again, why does it make him mad that Vi smells like Leo?

“Hm. I promised you a lesson on my anatomy. Considering I explored your genitalia, unintentional though the moment was, that does, as per our arrangement, clear you to touch mine.”

Arrangement. ARRANGEMENT. And the clinical discussion, of course. Naturally. No feelings, just a project, all part of the experiment.

“Experiential learning. Excellent. I knew you were the one.” 

The one. The one to choose as his partner on the project. Goddammit.

(God. The smut. It's so hot. I'm swimming in lava.)

“All right. Take off your pants and lie down. My turn.” 

Startled, you just blink at him for a moment. “W-What?” 

“Third Law. And I want to taste you. See if it’s different from mine. I’m very curious about the tactile nature, since it was quite pleasant on my fingers. Plus, you didn’t come. I’m not a barbarian. Now, chop chop.” 

Third Law. You did this so now I do that. It's a transaction. And he's curious about the taste and feel compared to his own. Data data data.

“…Very, very pleasant,” he murmurs to himself more than to you, 

Data. Notes. For his own future reference. Fuck.

“Only the best for my favorite turtle,” you promise, laughing and pulling away, spinning in place with your arms spread wide. “Now. Shall we work on the Turtolin while waiting for the smell of sex to dissipate? I’d rather not scar poor Leo if I can help it.”

Donnie looks like he’s contemplating something hard, but he pushes it away and nods. 

What is he thinking here? Does it have anything to do with Leo? Or the favorite turtle line?? UGH

[Vi sends Donnie a pic of her in the bath with the bath bomb he gave her and he calls] “Good girl,” he says easily, making your skin burn hot. “Now, I’m going to put you on speaker and listen as you make yourself come.”

Jaw dropping, you stutter, “R-Right now?”

Donnie hums. “Then send me another. One before. One after.”

You hear the soft click of him putting his phone down, and the familiar sound of him fiddling with his tech. ... “I’m waiting,” you hear him say.

This is SO PAINFUL now. FUCK.

---

Chapter 17

(My notes after this point include knowledge of chapter 22 aka the chapter that made me physically ill)

You find him [Donnie], as you expect, pouring over some spreadsheets. 

The spreadsheets again :(

[Vi talking to Raph and Mikey about Donnie] "You wouldn’t expect it. But he’s—he’s so kind. Always thinking about how he can help others, always looking to make their lives easier. It’s—It’s really admirable. I respect him a lot.”

Vi you're literally describing yourself.

“You had a problem. I solved it,” he says, like it’s that simple. And you suppose, in a way, it is. He just… doesn’t see it as his love language, even though it so, so clearly is. 

I feel like this is a nod towards Donnie actually being in love with Vi but not realizing it.

So. Leo shows up during turtle time.

“Actually, perfect timing,” Leo says, coming up to you and pulling you into a hug. “I have a present for you.” ... “Yep. C’mon, I’ll portal you back to your place so I can give it to you,” he says, making you look at Donnie, concerned he’s about to crack a tooth.

Even though we know he's not doing these things to be manipulative anymore (assuming we can actually trust that he was being honest about when he 'stopped completely'), it's still tainted, especially since it's in front of Donnie. The casual physical touches, calling her "hermosa." Not only am I reading this and feeling so fucking betrayed, but I'm ALSO sad because he's started feeling guilty and really truly seeing her as his best friend now (if, again, we believe his claims in 22), and the torment he must be going through, despite it being so, so deserved, makes me sad. Actually, sad isn't the right word for it, but the right word escapes me. Whatever it is that I'm feeling about this is gaping and tender and intense.

“The truth,” he says, taking the picture from you and putting it on the coffee table. “About us. About everything.” 

Not about everything, Leo. Not yet. (I think the word I'm looking for is agony. I'm not just sad. I'm in agony.)

[Vi talking to Leo] "So I just tucked it into one of those Leo will explain this someday pile.”

He stares at you for a second, then gets a melancholic smile on his face. “Yeah. That pile’s probably a lot bigger than it should be. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, I told you before. It’s okay if you’re not ready to spill your guts,” you remind him. 

“That was true then. But now, you’re—” he stops himself, looking at you hard, his eyes unmoored on your face. “…It’s different. Now.” 

OOF. FUCKING. FUCK.

[Leo talking about the invasion] "Then one day, I—I fucked up really bad. I didn’t even know how bad, but I—” His voice chokes, grip on you going tight. He looks at you, eyes a little wild, and you nod. 

THIS IS A PARALLEL TO HIM FUCKING UP WITH VI. NOT EVEN KNOWING HOW BAD HE FUCKED UP UNTIL AFTER THE FACT.

And every time Vi responds so fucking kindly to something Leo says or does... at this point he's truly wracked with guilt. Every kind thing she does is another reminder of how badly he fucked up, another twist of the knife that he unknowingly lodged between his own ribs. For example: Leo stares, soaking you up like you’re water and he’s cracked earth; then, taking in a haggard breath, he continues.

And then Leo asks Vi to help Casey like she helped him and his brothers. And even here, when he's being genuine, that ask is tainted, tainted, tainted by his history of using her for his own desires.

“Thanks,” he says, true and honest in a manner that oh, this entire time, you haven’t really seen. 

God. GOD.

Vi asking Donnie about the aquarium... she doesn't use the word date. I wonder, if she did, would he have locked

There are going to be a lot of moments like that in your near future, you’re guessing, taking a long sip of water and staring at your reflection in the blank screen of the television. Little pieces you’ve seen, little hints of darkness you’re going to understand now.

Vi is referring to the fact that she knows about Casey being from the future and stuff, but this is mirroring what I'm doing. Finding little hints of darkness in Leo on my reread. God. Kill me.

---

Chapter 18

Vi gushing about Donnie to Sinclair :( and this line specifically -> "He just… gives and gives and gives.” THAT'S YOU, VI. YOU'RE SO ALIKE.

"He’s—brutally honest, but in a way that makes it impossible to doubt any compliment he gives."

Meanwhile LEO-

(I can barely focus. My heart aches so much. I keep having to reread the same paragraph over and over because I keep thinking about Leo. I really do feel so goddamn betrayed. How can Vi go on? How is she going to fucking... I've said it already but if it were me I would spiral really really bad. I was already worried about her before chapter 22. And now... I don't think Sam would do what I'm thinking of because surely there would be tags indicating that already due to their triggering nature, but I just know if it were me... I won't say it.)

Do you think, now that Donnie knows about the miscommunication, he'll go back and review their texts and his recordings to search for hints that he might've missed? Do you think he'll find something and think 'stupid, stupid, you should've seen it then, it was right there all along' like Vi did when she first realized?

I'm realizing, once again, how often Vi uses the adjective "stupid" to describe so many of her thoughts and actions. And I'm wondering, once again, how far back that habit runs. Whether it's always been there or if it started when she was with Alopex.

Oh man... when Vi gets ready for the aquarium... no. She doesn't think "I look nice" or anything. When she sees Donnie, she tells him he looks nice. Like a model, even. And he doesn't say anything about how she looks. I remember being a bit disappointed the first time I read and just assuming that he was too embarrassed or shy or something to comment on how she looked, but no. I'm a fool.

The alligators are so fucking cute, which he finds absolutely absurd. 

“I like their faces, I dunno,” you say with a shrug. “Look at those little snouts! Don’t you just wanna… smooch one?” 

“No, I can definitely say that I do not,” Donnie drones. “And I’m pretty concerned that you do.” 

“I mean, soft shelled turtles are pretty aggressive biters too, right?” you point out, tilting your head and looking at him a little coyly. “Seems to me you don’t mind me kissing one of those all the time.” 

Huffing, Donnie turns his face with a flustered scowl. “Th-That’s different!”

Just putting this section here. Just pointing out how he responds. I'm just casually in agony, right now.

[Vi talking after Donnie asks for permission to kiss her outside of the lab] "Okay. Well. Consider this my blank check of consent to any and all kissing. Inside the lab, outside of it, no matter how many people are around.”

“Hm. Well. Too many people will probably ruin the results. But I’ll take it under consideration,” he says. 

Another comment that I saw as referring to the experiment, yes, but that I also thought was him flirting. Me putting meaning into his words that isn't there. Fuck.

his mouth claiming you like you aren’t already all his

Because she's not. She not his. Kill me.

When they run into the old standmate, Donnie gets so fucking mad that the guy insulted Vi. Another thing that I interpreted as romantic that wasn't.

“I’m—not particularly sure how to do this [have sex] with our current arrangement,” he says breathlessly

Damn. Even the first time they have sex, he tried checking in, tried to honor the rule she set, referred to it as their "arrangement" and everything... he truly did nothing wrong. What a massive misunderstanding. This continues to blow my mind. Damn.

She calls him cute once again, and he doesn't say anything like that back.

(The sex is so FUCKING HOT GOOD GOD)

He asks her to stay. And she does. And she's realizing she's in love with him. And I'm so, so sad.

---

Chapter 19

[Vi talking to Casey about Leo] "He’s a really good friend. I feel lucky to know him,” you tell him

Every single line where Leo is referred to as her friend has the rage flaring in my chest again.

Oh my god. I've been interested in how the brothers are going to react if/when they find out what Leo admitted (especially Donnie, obviously), but... what is CASEY going to think? He admires Leo so much. Oh my god. Oh my GOD.

man hadn’t that morning sex the other day been something else? Let’s try it again and see if we can replicate it. So your Wednesday is even lazier than usual with just the one lesson after a long morning of Donnie seemingly testing just how well sound-proofed his lab is, or maybe how loud he can get you to whine his name when you come, you’re not really sure which.

Replicate. Test. Kill me kill me kill me

The first shot cracks through the air and makes your ears ring. Without thinking, you move. Your hands clutch Dakota’s shirt, throwing her off the stage to the pit where the gunman won’t have a clear view. A second shot goes off. Before she hits the floor, you’re moving, tackling the other three to the floor underneath you. A third shot.

Again, her instincts are to protect others first.

you see Raph pinning the guy to the floor, a look on his face like you’ve never seen before. 

Actually, you realize; no. You have seen it. Once. In your kitchen. From Leonardo to you. 

Rage.

FUCK. KILL ME.

(DAKOTA. MY FUCKING HEART. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK AND REREAD ALL THE DAKOTA PARTS AT SOME POINT WHEN WHATEVER SAM HAS PLANNED FOR HER HAPPENS/IS REVEALED.)

Even after almost being shot she wants to rehearse. Be productive. Sigh.

You’re a little surprised to feel that your hands feel jittery at the ends of your arms, a bit like you have too much energy inside still. Your hold on your bow is a little wonky, too.

WHAT YOU JUST EXPERIENCED WAS TRAUMATIZING. WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED. WHY DO YOU NOT SEE- HOW ARE YOU SO- Sorry I'm just. So protective of her. So frustrated that she doesn't care about herself like she should. She's in shock, huh? I'm being too harsh. I'm just so fucking angry because of how GOOD she is to others and how Leo fucking USED that. I can't fucking take it.

She's shaken up after being shot at... on the subway, looking forward to going to the lair -> Gazing past your reflection in the subway window, you watch the lights flash past in little warm blurs, and seek comfort in the knowledge that soon you’ll be with people who love you.

People who love you. Like Leo and Donnie. Pain pain pain. And when she finds Leo sleeping in his room, her softness for him, her fondness and affection... It hurts. It hurts.

She finds Donnie in his lab. I remember thinking it was weird he didn't react more strongly to the fact that she was literally shot at. He just says “I heard you had a fun afternoon,” and that's it. Honestly it still surprises me. I feel like we have seen him be protective over her for lesser incidents... remember the bruise? Remember the standmate? Why, I wonder, did he not react more strongly here? Is it because she wasn't actually shot?

He eases the tension headache she didn't even realize she had. (Vi, once again not realizing how affected she was. This mirrors her not realizing she was sick before, too.)

Turning your head when he slowly releases you, you see an ocean of spreadsheets in front of you that instantly has you looking away in disinterest before you can read a single word. 

I hate myself so much. What would she have seen, what would she have realized, if she looked a little bit closer?

“…No, I just… smelled you,” Leo says blankly, looking between you and where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around you, and you think—oh. He’s known this whole time, of course, that Donnie touches you; but this is maybe the first time he’s seen it. “You’re… really touching her.”

“I was under the impression you knew about it,” Donnie says, dropping his chin on your shoulder and raising a brow ridge at his twin.

“…I did,” Leo agrees, though his face is still as stone. His eyes focus on where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around your middle, and for some reason, the intensity of it makes you want to wiggle away and get out of Donnie’s grasp. ... Leo, eyes focused on where Donnie’s beak is tucked into your throat ... “I like it,” Leo says, staring at Donnie.

God. Leo. Still wrestling with his anger and jealousy, trying to be happy about it, but still struggling so much.

The Scheherazade story kind of mimics Leo and Vi. Scheherazade won the kings love over time, while Vi won Leo's true affection and friendship over time. Hm.

[Vi goes] to stand out of Donnie’s lap, only to turn to him and raise an eyebrow when he petulantly keeps you pinned to his plastron, his eyes dark and pouty on his twin. “…Donnie.” ... You bat your eyelashes cutely at Leo, who gets a smug look on his face as he stretches out a hand to the side. His crescents glow prettily, and with a curl of his fingers, he has a sword in his hand to cut a portal. “One ride on the turtle express for mi tesorito.” 

“Turtle ex—?!” Donnie chokes, his fingers going tight in your flesh, his teeth pulling into a snarl. It hurts a little, and you’re kind of mortified when the squeak you make is maybe a little more sensual than it probably should be. Feeling your cheeks flare hot, you press your palms to Donnie’s shoulders, giving him a meaningful look.

“I can come back tomorrow,” you say with gritted teeth, increasingly miffed when he just shoots a glum look to his twin.

Once again, even if Leo is being genuine, this is all tainted, and it fucking hurts to read every interaction they have, especially in front of Donnie. But I also noticed another layer here. Vi is trying to behave as though she and Donnie aren't dating because Leo is there and as far as Donnie is aware (in her mind) Leo knows they touch but doesn't know they're together. Meanwhile things that seem romantic to her are NOT romantic to Donnie, so he's being clingy and she is a little annoyed/confused, because she's thinking 'doesn't Donnie know this is suspicious??' But NO. HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. AT ALL.

“Fine, fine,” he [Donnie] says petulantly, removing his arms from your waist. 

“Good boy,” Leo says with a widening smirk, squawking when you reach out and flick his beak. 

“And you. I don’t know what your game is, but stop terrorizing him,” you tell him, watching as he rubs his palm over the offended flesh. 

“Me? Terrorizing Donatello?”

“Leonardo.”

This is after Leo supposedly 'stopped completely' and yet.

“He [Casey] has a lot of secrets he’s keeping,” Leo says, softening. “They’re a heavy load. I don’t know how he does it.”

Secrets can be a heavy load, huh Leo? You FUCKING-

Leo sighs, grabbing his katana and cutting another portal back to the lair. Before he leaves, however, he beckons you close. Reluctantly, feeling a bit embarrassed and hoping your lingering arousal isn’t too obvious, you go; only to blink when he reaches out a hand and grabs your chin, bringing your face close to his as his eyes drop to your mouth. 

“…Yep. Thought so. Doesn’t take much to get you going, huh,” he says knowingly

Get your fucking hands off of her and shut your goddamn mouth. I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry. I've never been this angry in my life. Yes he feels bad. Yes he's suffering now, yes he's going to get consequences that fucking hurt him. But I don't even fucking care right now because I'm so, so angry. What is everyone else going to say? Will Leo even tell them?? I don't know if Vi would tell the fam what Leo did, because she doesn't like causing conflict. But someone needs to tell them. God. What is Donnie going to do, knowing that she's already distraught because of their miscommunication?

Vi talking to Casey, getting him to open up about the future. Taking responsibility for helping him. Even though it's upsetting. Yes, that's what real, good friends do, but it's just another example of her giving, giving, giving. How deeply she cares, how sincerely she loves those in her life, how she would willingly burn herself up for the people she loves to keep them warm. And the fact that she's taking on this burden after LEO had asked her to...

(The lavender mask thing hurts just as much the second time. Ouch.)

[Casey talking] “Apparently, you always were able to get him to do things. I remember Master Leonardo making a comment about it once when he was trying to get Uncle Tello to do something. You’d do it for her, or something.”

You wince. That couldn’t have gone over well.

I can only imagine future Leo saying that with bitterness. Was there jealousy in the other timeline, too? It's easy to imagine since we know what Leo is capable of, now. Easy to imagine a future Leo, run down and exhausted and bearing so much responsibility for the resistance and guilt over the apocalypse, letting it all build and build and build, letting it get to him after Vi's death, even if he loved her too, even if he was grieving too, and being so angry over Donnie refusing to do something, and losing his cool. 'You'd do it for her. Why won't you do it for me?'

I wonder how Donnie would have reacted if Vi HAD told him about what happened with future them. About the lavender mask.

[Vi's bath water] It’s hot when you get in; too hot, maybe. But the burn feels a little good. Tethers you into place where otherwise you worry you’d drift away to a future that isn’t yours. 

See, again, this worries me. Using pain as a grounding technique, almost. This is pretty innocent, but it hints at the POTENTIAL for going further with this kind of stuff. I do nothing but seethe and worry.

---

Chapter 20

Finally made it all the way here. Sigh. Let's read.

you find yourself drifting off at random moments, haunted by memories that aren’t even yours ... for some reason, you spend most of Friday night sobbing into your pillow ... you spend the morning in your bed, curled around your pillow and staring numbly at the wall ... you’re avoiding Donnie

Vi takes the knowledge Casey gave her so hard. Evidence, once again, of how deeply she cares, how strongly she loves, but I can't help but remember that LEO asked her to help Casey. And she honestly probably would've ended up doing it anyway at some point, even if Leo didn't explicitly ask her to, because that's just how she is and Casey is part of the family and she wants to help... but I can't help pairing her emotional turmoil with the fact that LEO asked her to take that on.

“Donnie said you wasn’t feelin’ good, but you look like shit,” he says, causing you to shoot him a wry smile.

“Thanks, Raph. I feel so beautiful now.” 

Raph shoots you a meaningful look. “I think you ‘nd I both know I ain’t the one you wanna hear that from.” 

...

“Raph ain’t mad. I’ve been Donnie’s brother for a long, long time. I know he can be a dumb dumb, sometimes.”

Everyone (I think) sees that Donnie loves her EXCEPT Donnie. Raph says he saw Donnie grab Vi at the party... do you think, when Raph finds out about the miscommunication, he might realize that Donnie doesn't understand his feelings and try to help him figure it out?

💜🐢 (6:16 p.m.)

Raph said you looked unwell today. Do I need to send Leo over to bring you to the lair tonight?

A tempting offer that makes you bite your lower lip. You turn on the camera on your phone to check your face and see the bags under your eyes, the clear exhaustion, and something else that makes you just look… sad.

sent (6:17 p.m.)

no, but thank you for offering! it’s really sweet of you.

I'm begging you to accept some comfort. I'm begging. She so easily brushes him off so she can hide how she's feeling. Please, man, she needs to be loved.

[Vi talking] "Thanks, Casey. You’re the best, and I owe you.” 

“Nah. People always look after each other,” Casey says easily, and you suppose that coming from an apocalypse-torn world forces that outlook on you pretty bone-deep. 

She's right, but also... I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts about this. Something about her always feeling like she OWES people for the things they do for her. Like she has to earn their kindness, always pay it back, nothing comes for free, not for you... she doesn't have that mentality regarding anyone else. Like, she doesn't expect others to earn her kindness, she doesn't expect any kind of payback or anything when she does something kind or helpful - that mindset only applies when she's the one getting something. It has me wondering, again, about the details of her past. Alopex, yes, but also with her family. Was it pounded into her head that she isn't enough, that she isn't worthy of kindness and help unless she does something useful or tangible in return? Or is this, once again, me reading too much into things and possibly projecting?

Mikey, we’re your brothers. It would make sense for us to go.

It just occurred to me that Donnie uses italics in the group chat. You can't do that in regular text chains, right? Is this like a discord-type situation? Or is it because they're all using phones (most likely) made by Donnie and he somehow added that feature? (This is so not important, I know, I know, but I'm curious okay?)

Every single use of tesorito and hermosa stabs me directly in the heart.

“You look like shit,” you hear a familiar voice call, and you look up to see Leo sitting in a fire escape, legs hanging and his arms resting against the metal. Elegantly, he drops to the asphalt, walking up to you and taking your chin in his hands, tilting your face for his examination. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” you agree, causing him to grin. “Thanks for this, by the way. I really appreciate it.”

“You don’t ask for much. And even if you did, I like showing off for pretty girls,” he flairs. 

Fury. Even now, when he's supposedly being genuine with her, I'm so angry. He even says she doesn't ask for much. He knows how much she gives, how little she takes. How much she cares. The work she puts in for others. You know the (Did you try?) that Vi has in 21? I wonder... ever since he started to really think about 'what he wants' did he have similar thoughts? A constant (Is this worth it? Is this the person you want to be? Now that you see her heart, her soul, are you really okay with being this kind of person?) - or even, as we get further and further into the fic, something like (How could you? How could you? How could you?)

“Best friend ever,” you compliment

Does he feel guilty when she says stuff like this, now? (How could you?)

Oh I forgot that Vi told Leo what Casey revealed to her about the future. Again, does Leo feel guilty? Seeing that Vi was so affected by that knowledge? Knowing that he asked her to talk to Casey, so it's kind of because of him? "I haven’t felt right in days" she says.

"I hate secrets" [Vi says] ... “…Can I ask you something?” he says after a moment of studying your face. It’s a curiously serious expression ... “Why Donnie?” ... "You’re beautiful. Funny. Have a good job. Easy to like. You could have most anyone you want. Any mutant would kill to have someone like you as a partner. So. Why Donnie?” ... It feels, a little, like that day he’d frightened you. A softer, friendlier version of it.

Yeah. Because it is. Leo doesn't hate her anymore, and she picks up on the difference even though she doesn't understand why.

[Vi talking about Donnie] he’s got this—compulsion, almost. To take care of people. He works on his tech so hard so he can be useful. He’s always texting me about not staying up too late. Getting enough sleep. Did I eat lunch. Don’t overwork myself. Take a break. He even got me to take a few days off, just to relax, and I’ve never done that before. Even though he never turns those thoughts in on himself

HE'S JUST LIKE YOU. SCREAMING THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS. RATTLING HER. SO MANY THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT DONNIE APPLY TO YOU AS WELL.

“Most of all, he’s honest,” you keep going, tangling your fingers together, staring down at the way they knot at your waist. “If he says something, I can take it at face value. There’s no hidden meaning. Nothing deeper. If he says something feels good, I know it feels good. If he says he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. If he asks for something, I don’t need to ask if he’s sure. He asks, so he’s sure. It—It’s a breath of fresh air. If I want to know what he’s thinking, really thinking, all I have to do is ask." ... I like him. All of him. Even if I’d never been able to touch him. It would have been him.”

Leo’s still as stone for a few moments longer, looking at you like he’s trying to decide if he wants to say something

Yeah. I can definitely see how this would make Leo really struggle to keep it a secret.

He portals you to just outside Donnie’s lab, and with another flash of blue, he’s gone.

The difference here, with him not even going in with her to see Donnie. Him just portaling her to the entrance and then going off... I can just imagine him spending a long time in his room thinking. Thinking thinking thinking about what he should do, after her speech.

Hearing your footsteps, Donnie turns his head, doing a double-take when he sees you, standing out of his chair and coming to stand in front of you with an anxious energy that makes you feel guilty all over again. 

“You’re here,” he says, and you nod, dropping your bag to the floor and leaning into him. Instantly his arms wrap around you, tight enough to crush the air out of you. 

Come ON. HE LOVES HER. HE NEEDS HER. COME ON.

What are you supposed to do? Sob into his arms about how you’d avoided something terrible? Him? The man who couldn’t even touch his family for years and years and years because of the awful things he’s gone through? The man who goes out onto the streets and keeps people like you safe? Why do you get to cry, and he doesn’t?

Her line of thinking here - that 'my issues aren't as serious, they don't matter, I shouldn't seek comfort, especially not from someone who does so much already' - just. No, Vi. I almost wish she would've told Donnie what she was thinking. Someone needs to help her.

(The sex is so fucking hot. I say that every time but only because it's true every time.)

He’s saying something; his mouth is moving but you’re too fuzzy to think, too lost to hear. 

God. I wonder what he said, here.

Every time she says something or thinks something about how beautiful he is, it reminds me that he hasn't said she is beautiful even once.

“I was hoping to get my mouth on your breasts again. You always make interesting noises when I do.” 

So clinical :( and then more and more until she realizes. I'm not going to put the whole thing, but God. God. It's so painful... acoustics, data, sensors, recordings, sessions, partner, spreadsheets...

“The differential in touch inhibition,” he says shortly, like you’re the one not making sense. “I’m actually quite pleased with our progress. I was listening to one of the recordings the other day, and—”

...

“I record everything,” he says, smiling proudly.

...

"This whole time. Have you just been… experimenting with your touch thing?”

Donnie tilts his head. “What else would we be doing?

God, it kills me that he just. Doesn't know. Doesn't understand. And it's not his fault even a little bit. How would he have known otherwise? Honestly? In my reread I didn't find anything he did wrong with the information he thought he had. Unless you count the 4th party, but even then it would be him not following the experiment protocol. It's still not him being malicious in any way (that I know of).

Sheets that smell like a stupid, stupid girl who put her own wishes into someone else’s words yet again.

That's another reference to Alopex, right? Cannot wait to find out more about that relationship.

If Donnie says anything, you don’t hear it.

I wonder if he said anything here. Was he still talking to her, trying to figure out what was wrong? Or watching her in confused, shocked silence? I don't know which is worse.

(It's so painful. It's so fucking painful to read her reaction.)

Tucking your knees to your chest, you sit under the water’s foray, letting it wash over you. On and on and on the little drops hit your skin. They hurt from their fire. On and on and on and on. They hurt from their ice. On and on and on and on. 

Again. Letting herself be hurt. I'm worried.

Then Leo. Covering her with a blanket and holding her. (Does he feel guilty? How could you?)

You pathetic thing, you think derisively, loathing the person you’d become once again.

Another nod to something like this happening with Alopex. Also, the self-hate. I worry worry worry.

Leo is there to see her fall apart. To fully see how the miscommunication with Donnie affected her. I'm worried that, if there's a blowout between him and Donnie, Leo will use his knowledge of how utterly destroyed Vi was against Donnie during the argument.

“What happened?” he asks, because of course he came without knowing, of course he’d seek to solve before he even knew the shape of the problem. Leo, the quiet leader, always watching, always knowing, always helping. So, so grateful for him, you sink your teeth into your lower lip hard and clutch your biceps hard enough to bleed.

"Always helping" and "so grateful for him" make my chest ache. She thinks of him so, so positively and fondly - the betrayal is so deep.

---

What a fucking roller coaster.

My conclusions: Sam is a genius. I'm a goddamn fool. I'm REALLY worried for Vi. I feel so so so bad for Donnie (looking back, I was so confused and angry with him... and it wasn't his fault. It really wasn't and I can't believe I was so blinded by my own biases that I couldn't fathom him not understanding... I owe him such an apology). I'm so goddamn angry with Leo I'm physically sick with it, but my heart aches for pretty much everyone, including Leo. And, once again, Sam is a genius.

[shdwtouch]

🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion. || accepting !

ya know, I reblogged this prompt like. hehe I have so many things I could rant about. and now that I'm sitting down to respond... nothing really comes to mind. XD

alright, the first thing that I thought of... sending positivity. like. just do it ? hot take, I guess. send the symbol that says you like their blog. comment on their post and tell them you see them, they're valid, and you like having them on your dash. and if you genuinely do not know what to say ? let me tell you... just be honest, and reaffirm that they are worthy of the positivity, support, and encouragement they want. cuz really, the thought does count, trust me. does something heartfelt feel good ? of course it does, but someone simply taking the time to be like. hey. I suck at this stuff but you're valid and I like you... that feels good too.

also, idk if ya'll know this, but you get the happy chemical too when you send love to someone. when they say thank you, when they respond, seeing them happy makes you happy too. like. you lose nothing by being kind and sending positivity. absolutely nothing. but people just. don't do it. idk. especially in this new age of people keeping small dashes and maintaining relationships with their partners... you seriously can't spare a couple minutes to search your brain, search their blog, to say something nice about them ? really ? unless you're going out of your way in the background to message them and reaffirm to them... they deserve to know.

and its like. I was gonna be like, I get it, we don't always have spoons for it. but the truth is. even when I am feeling awful about myself, even when I am anxious and insecure and uncomfy... I still try to go out of my way to comfort the folks on my dash, to send them positivity. but I also live by the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ideology so idk. like. I would never have someone feel as lonely and unwanted and silly as I sometimes do.

I've been there, it isn't nice. and, the thing is ? you get bitter. real quick. when you don't receive the support. and at that point, the moment their bitterness shows ? they are manipulative, toxic, insecure. we blame them for their feelings when no one tried to help them when they were ASKING for it. people should be mad, honestly. if they see the people around them getting love when they ask for it, but never receiving it for themself. we all need love, positivity, support, and encouragement sometimes.

and let me say, I have. so much anxiety. because people often say that why should you receive when you aren't putting out ? first of all, that should not apply to kindness, but go off I guess. second, if I complain I'm not getting love when I need it I'm going to worry I haven't put enough love into other people to deserve it. how wild is that ? I don't deserve love cuz I wasn't giving others enough love ?

and that's the thing. sometimes I get so. incredibly bitter. and I'm like, WHY should I support others when they ask for it if I never get it when I ask for it ? I only have so much goodwill to give ! my piggy bank of love is not endless, I have to be able to cash in sometimes too. and then I say no. people deserve love, even if I am not getting it. this isn't transactional, and it shouldn't be. so unless I am just. absolutely rotten in the head, and that very rarely occurs, I'm gonna send that support. cuz I know the other person needs it, deserves it, even if I'm not getting it reciprocated.

just. love the people on your goddamn dash. tell them you love them. appreciate them. send them silly things that made you think of them. tell them you enjoy their ships, threads, meta, what have you. make them feel seen and valid. be awkward about it, be shy, be weird, be YOU ! it doesn't matter, as long as it is honest to goodness love and support you are dishing out. it matters, and trust me, the person will value it, and they will likely remember it.

reminder. people are piggy banks. the more you put in, the more you get out. same with roleplay, ships, what have you... the more you put in, the more you get in return. so put some fucking love into the people on you dash ! and watch to see what you get out of it. that shouldn't matter, but its always nice to get something, I know. point is, you show someone kindness, you consistently like their posts and comment and what have you... you're contributing to a relationship. and you can find some pretty awesome friendships and dynamics and plots that way, let me tell you.

JUST LOVE PEOPLE OKAY ? SUPPORT THEM. ENCOURAGE THEM. BE FUCKING FRIEND SHAPED. ITS WORTH IT, I PROMISE ! AND A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY.

[ztmachine]

will you teach me how to use tumblr good sir you seem mostly qualified :3

Uhhh... ok here's a list:

1. if you want other people to see something, reblog it. there is no algorithm. likes are nice, but do literally nothing. I mostly just use them so i know "oh i've seen this before i don't want to reblog it again". If you would like somthing on Twitter you would reblog it on Tumblr. I'm personally pretty liberal with mine, you don't have to be

2. don't like someone? block em. Is someone trying to start an argument or bring you into "the discourse"? block em. this is a bit of an exageration, of course generally i take a quick look at their profile, bio, post history, etc. If i don't see anything worth my time they get blocked

3. mutuals are your friends, amazing people, all of them. I want to hug them all.

4. If you are putting negativity towards a character/ship/fandom, don't put it in that character/ship/fandom's tag. That's not why people are on the tag. it is perfectly fine to dislike something. be vocal about it even! but people don't go to the tag of their favorite ship to see people saying how much better their ship is.

5. You are not obligagated to put anything in your bio. pronouns? optional, sexuality? optional, nothing has to be there. I take the route that everyone is aro/ace and non-binary until proven otherwise. Do check their bio before you use any pronouns though, its just good manners.

6. the search feature is god awful, it doesn't even do a keyword search. Avoid it at all costs. I tag stuff with what media it relates to/what it's about if i think I'll want to find it later.

7. Tags are for your semi-private thoughts. if you want to put your thoughts in the world for people to see but not necassarily be dragged along when someone reblogs it from you or make a joke you might not want everyone to see.

8. It's a bit more text focused stuff here than Twitter and Reddit twitter has the character limit and Reddit is... Reddit. Don't be afraid to post a 8 paragraph essay or whatever. At least your mutuals will see it.

9. You might want to have a personal tag for when something is queued or for when you add something to a post. I inverted this rule with my catch-all tag of "#zt adds something" for me it just marks when something is NOT queued as a concidence whenever I don't add to the post (reaction image, character analysis, HCs, etc) that goes in the queue.

10. The queue! the magical place where I shove all my random reblogs so they get spread out over the day. It exists, idk what else to say. Use it, or don't I'm not the boss of you.

11.

big news! this is how news spreads. Dean at the top says "I love you" Castiel at the bottom says the news. It's from supernatural, I didn't make the rule I'm just telling you about it. It was a whole thing learn more here.

12. confession time! i have not been here very long (only 4 months or so) and most of this info is not time tested, it's just how I personally use the site.

please ask me more follow up questions if you need! (or issue corrections)

[caddy-crystal-queen]

So apparently I need to bring this series back even though house of the dragon won't have another season until 2024. But....

On today's episode of who in the game of thrones/House of the Dragon Fandom need to be slapped is.....

MILITANT DAEMYRA SHIPPERS!!!!!!

Oh I already know I'm not gonna make any friends with this rant so I'm gonna put a quick disclaimer

This is not me bashing the ship, nor am I promoting any others. This is my opinion about people who have made shipping this their entire life/existence here on this site. I'm also not promoting other ships here, I'll probably briefly touch that on a later date if the interest is there.

Oh Daemyra...the ship of Rhanerya and Daemon Targaryen. In real life its a disgusting scenario, especially as someone who actually was molested by their uncle growing up. It's a special kind of awkward.

My problem doesn't lie with the ship however, at least not today. It's all you crazy ass motherfuckers who decide to make it your entire existence to defend this ship, all the while being absolute douche camels to anyone else who, gods forbid, dares to ship anything different from you.

"Oh but Daemyra is the best ship ever on the show and-"

*WHACK*

No!

No!

No it isn't.

There are no healthy relationships in this show. Not even the one I ship the hardest, Corlys/Rhaenys, is completely healthy. You assholes just seem to act like your ship is soooooo much better than everyone else's, and you crap on other peoples fan works, theories, and headcanons just to prove how much of an inconsiderate asshole you are.

I kid you not. I saw someone post an ask about a fanart someone made of Rhaenicent and they were super ugly about it just because they don't ship Rhaenicent. This...this is bullshit.

"Oh my god my eyes!!!!"

Dude...all you had to do was delete the ask and go about your life! But no...you had to sit there and make a big ass deal about it. Oh but you don't wanna down the artist? Motherfucker, what do you think you JUST DID?!

Seriously whatever happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything, or better yet compliment them on something else"?! Nothing stopped this individual from simply deleting the ask in regards to someone else's artwork. This really got under my skin personally, as it served to remind me why I quit Fandom interaction.

You guys are such assholes to other shippers. God forbid anyone ships both daemyra and Rhaenicent in your presence, you attack them. I feel really bad for those folks, because they get attacked by every goddamn body I imagine. No one deserves to get shit on because they ship something different from you.

Their artwork shouldn't be bashed.

Their theories should be left the hell alone.

Their headcanons you can simply ignore.

Is it really that fucking hard to not be an asshole to people, particularly content creators, because they make content for a ship you don't like?

This shit here is why fan content is dying. It's not lack of appreciation, reblogs, or what the fuck ever, it's goddamn militant Fandom bullshit like this.

Oh and before anyone comes after me, I'm not a Rhaenicent shipper. I'm actually kinda neutral the whole Rhaenicent thing. I feel the idea for it in the show was there, but at the same time...if it was Canon there wouldn't have been a story so...yeah.

Just...leave. each. Other. The fuck. Alone! Someone sends you fanart of a ship you don't like, delete it and have a nice day. Acknowledge you saw it, but don't bash the art or the artist because that's wrong just because it's content is something you don't like.

Daemyra shippers...seriously...do fucking better.

Holy tap dancing horus.

[you-are-constance]

reblog my art you cowards

[poledancingdinos]

You’ve Got Me Hooked - Chapter 5

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Riley McKenzie)

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: Sex work, stripper, OnlyFans, Mentioned Online Harassment

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @marytudorbrandon @foxyjwls007  @peaches1958 @identity2212  @summersong69​ @liecastillo @islacharlotte​

A/N: If you want to be added or removed from my taglist, let me know!

Please consider giving me a reblog because dumblr is censoring these posts so badly that I struggle to find my own chapters on my blog.

Masterlist

Sy

As soon as my boss got to the garage this morning, I asked him about hiring Riley to help with advertising. He’s known me my whole life so when I told him I knew someone willing to help us out, he didn’t ask for more information, he just took down her number. He opened this small shop a few years before I was born and I know it would be devastating for him to have to close it down. 

I don't know much about running a business. Sure, I can run a team and keep track of costs and inventory, but I didn't have to deal with suppliers, banks and customers. I sure as hell can't manage a web page or anything like that.

After I found out about Riley, I checked out "Razzy's" profiles. Not her Onlyfans — that is a line I'm determined not to cross — but I looked at her TikTok and her Instagram. She's good at what she does. She has a big follower count by my uneducated standards and lots of likes and comments. I also made the mistake of reading some of the things people said about her and had to close the app before I did something stupid like march into her room and confiscate her laptop and her phone.

Some people just say how hot they think she is. Lots of them share all the fucked up shit they want to do to her. I’m no saint, I like it rough as much as the next guy, but I don’t plaster my desires across the Internet. Those weren’t the bad ones though. They were fucking nice compared to what I saw next.

I scrolled through dozens of comments from other girls calling her a skank or guys saying how she should be ashamed to do those kinds of things for money. So many people were lashing out at her from completely anonymous profiles, each one worse than the last. How does she manage to read that every day? No wonder that poor girl doesn’t feel safe enough to wear anything other than pants and hoodies in front of me.

Despite all that, I have to say, I can see her talent and skill showing even if it has nothing to do with the typical corporate bullshit. The colors and tones of the videos are consistent throughout the posts and they always compliment that bright pink hair that I assume is a wig since Riley's blond locks don’t look like they’ve ever been colored.

I text Riley a quick heads-up to expect a call then put my phone back in my locker. Aika is asleep under a nearby table, knowing well enough to stay away from the lifts and other tools and machinery. She’s content just being near me and the loud noises are nothing compared to the sound of bombs and gunfire she was trained to endure.

I’m the first one here every morning. Sometimes I go to the gym first but I still make it in by 8 am to open up. More often than not, I wrap up whatever job the other guys don’t quite finish or I do the final checks before returning a car to a customer.

My boss, Don, handles all the bookkeeping and most of the administrative work with the help of his wife since his arthritis made him incapable of working on the cars. They had a pretty good business going for the best part of the last forty years until all the larger chains started undercutting his prices. A few of the other mechanics had to leave and find better paying jobs elsewhere because there wasn’t enough work here to go around.

It doesn’t help business that the building is falling apart on the outside. The parking lot is in such dire need of being repaved that I’ve become an expert at maneuvering cars around the pot holes and deep cracks. It looks nothing like it did back before I enlisted.

It used to be that the garage ran off word-of-mouth alone with most of the locals adopting the garage because it was just that — local. But now, no one could blame customers for taking their business somewhere cheaper or somewhere they deem more reliable even if it is a half hour drive away from town. A lot of the old clientele have either retired or moved away since the garage was started, meaning there is no inherent loyalty from the townspeople. It’s just how things work these days.

I’m busy doing an oil change when I hear a car pull into the lot. In fact, I heard it approaching from the main road long before it ever reached the turn off. That car sounds like a bunch of bolts in a garbage disposal even over the loud music and the various power tools the other guys are using.

I roll out from under the car, expecting to greet a potential customer but instead I’m surprised to see Riley stepping out of the vehicle. I’ve noticed before that her car doesn’t look in great shape but I always assumed it was mostly aesthetic. If I had realized how bad it is I would’ve offered to take a look at it a long time ago.

I exit through the open workshop door with Aika trailing close behind. As soon as she sees her approaching, a wide smile spreads over Riley’s face. She bends down, burying both hands in Aika’s fur.

“Hey, sweet girl.”

“I take it Don called ya?”

“He did.” Riley stands, catching my gaze but as soon as she does, she turns her eyes towards the ground. She tries to play it off by wiping the dust from the knees but I know that she is just that shy.

She isn’t wearing her typical sweatshirt and leggings, instead opting for a cream blouse and fitted black pants that show off her beautiful figure. She looks every bit the professional put together woman I know she strives to be. She obviously put some thought into what she wore, because it’s not so fancy that she’d appear stuck up to a bunch of guys literally covered from head to toe in oil and grease on a day to day basis. It’s perfect.

"I'll show you to the office,” I say, pointing over my shoulder.

I lead Riley inside, being mindful not to get grease on anything, and knock on Don's door frame. The door was taken off its hinges long before I started working here. Part of the reason is so he can keep an eye on the work floor and be available if we need him. The other half of it is because he makes sure to say "hi" to every person that comes in even if they don't need his help.

"Hey boss, Riley's here to see ya."

"Miss McKenzie, how wonderful to meet you." He stands, shaking Riley's hand.

"The pleasure is mine, Sir."

"Oh, none of that, call me Don. Please, sit."

I take that as my cue to leave, going back to my work. I glance towards the office every so often and every time, Riley has a smile on her face. She takes notes of whatever Don is saying, nodding along.

It's funny how different this Riley is to the girl I've come to know. Instead of making herself as small as possible, she's sitting straight with her head up and shoulders back, meeting Don's gaze as they talk over their ideas.

Over an hour later, she stands and shakes Don's hand again. She walks out through the office door and makes her way to her car with a small wave my way.

When my day is over, I go to the office to drop off my day's paperwork then poke my head in to say goodbye to Don.

"I'm headin' out."

Don lifts his head from the stack of invoices he's reviewing.

"Alright, Son, thank you."

I don't want to meddle but I can't help myself from asking about how the meeting went.

"So, umm, what didja think of Riley?" 

He crosses his arms over the desk, leaning closer.

"Oh she is just lovely, Sy. Smart and beautiful, you've got yourself a real catch there."

Something in my chest warms at the praise but I have to remind myself that she is not mine to be proud of and never will be. When Sam said she filmed videos with other girls I figured he was just making it up to try and catch my interest but I’d seen enough on “Razzy’s” profiles to know he’d been telling the truth.

"Actually, we're just friends. Barely know her if I'm being honest."

Don's eyes go wide. "My apologies, I thought she said something about you two living together."

I guess he would have assumed that. Not many people in his day believed in living together out of wedlock so us living as roommates must be strange.

"We do. But we didn't know each other before I moved in. We both know I don't make enough to pay for my own place right now and there aren't a lot of men my age looking for roommates."

Like that, any remnants of a smile is completely wiped from Don's face. "I know, Sy, but I really can't —"

I stop him immediately because I have no intention of trying to guilt him into paying me more.

"I didn't mean it like that, Don. I just meant sharing with Riley might not be a conventional choice but it works out well for the both of us."

He nods in understanding.

"That car of hers sounds like a real piece of work."

"You can say that again," I say, sinking into the chair opposite him. This is shaping up to be a long conversation so I might as well get comfortable.

"She's refusing to let me pay for her work until she has proof that it helped us bring in more business."

I scoff, shaking my head. "That sounds like her alright."

She rarely stands up for herself but if ya offer to pay something of hers, she gets as stubborn as a mule.

"She also said the money would be better invested elsewhere."

"I doubt gettin' the the lot paved costs the same as a couple hours of her time."

"No, you're right about that." He pauses, looking down at the invoices on his desk. He pulls open the bottom drawer of his desk, taking out two glasses and a bottle of something that looks an awful lot like whiskey. He pours us both a generous amount and slides mine across the desk. "But if she comes back after crunching the numbers and tells me what I've been thinking for a while, I'll take out a second mortgage on the house."

"What?" Now I know why he pulled out the liquor. "No, I'm not lettin' ya do that Don."

The last thing any man his age needs is another loan to pay off. If he's even mentioning it to me it means he's already talked it over with his wife and that she’s agreed. He’s serious about this.

"If it means saving this place and keeping it going then, yes, I am. Your father and I worked too damn hard on this place to see it go down. I don't have any kids of my own but as far as I'm concerned, half of this place is yours and you deserve to have yourself a stable income to provide for your own family some day."

His words cause my throat to tighten up and I have to swallow down a gulp of whiskey before I can respond.

"Well, just know that I will be by your side every step even if we do have to shut this place down."

He takes a sip of his own drink.

"You're a good man, Sy. Your daddy would be proud."

Fuck, this has really turned into a liquor kind of conversation. I simply nod, looking over his shoulder at the framed picture on the wall behind him. My pop and a much younger Don smile back at me, my pregnant mama on one side and Charlotte, Don's wife, laughing brightly on the other. 

"I'll see ya tomorrow, Don."

“Get home safe.”

Those are always Don’s parting words. I never took them seriously until the first time I shipped out. Then they got a whole new meaning after my parents were killed in that car wreck.

I shoot the remaining whiskey from my rocks glass, focusing on the slight burn down the back of my throat then get to my feet. “Will do, Don.”

For the second day in a row, Riley is at the island when I get home. She has a set of colored pencils spread out around her computer and sheets of paper strewn from one end of the counter to the other.

“You know, Don doesn't expect you to get back to him tomorrow.”

She doesn’t look up or move from her spot. She just keeps coloring with her head tilted to the side and worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I know, but I want to brainstorm while the ideas are still fresh.”

Fuck, she is adorable. All I want is to go up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I’d rest my chin over her head and look at all the ideas she’s put on paper. I’d tell her how much it means to me that she’s doing this for my godfather.

“Have ya eaten?”

“I have stew simmering on the stove. Should be ready in about an hour. I got bread from the bakery on the way home and —” Her sentence is cut off when her eyes land on me. “Sy, why are you green?”

“Aika and I went to the park.”

She gives me one of those cute little giggles that she always hides by putting her hand over her mouth or making her hair fall in front of her face.

“You know, normally, the dog is supposed to be the one rolling in the grass.”

I finally get my boots off and step further into the apartment. “Where’s the fun in that?”

She shakes her head at me and waves me off. “Alright, shoo. You’re trailing grass and mud everywhere and in all honesty, I can smell you from here.”

I give her a mock salute. “Yes ma’am. I’ll let ya get back to work.”

I take my shirt off, leaving it inside out in an attempt to keep at least some of the dirt contained. Riley immediately turns away but not before I spot how her eyes trail over my chest. Maybe she isn't completely uninterested after all.

Chapter 6

[gucciwins]

all life has to offer

putting one foot in front of the other can work for so long until you fall. thankfully there's someone near by to lend a helping hand

Word count: 6621

A/N: hi friends! happy new year. i hope this year treats you well and that you achieve what you want. this story started back in september and i'm so thankful you're still here reading bel and harry's story. each comment, ask and reblog means the world to me. i love you.

please remember to reblog! let me know what you thought!

warnings: mentions death of a family member, smut (been a while)

love on tour series // previous part

San Jose, California

You dreaded waking up today. All you wanted to do was stay in bed ignoring the world around you, except that wasn't possible when you were in another city with a show waiting to happen.

Not that you had any part in it, but it was nice to look up at the stage and see Harry shining bright.

So you did what you'd typically do on this day, get ready and fake a smile. Harry was up early, wanting to work out because he didn't want to feel the soreness from the night before. These shows were exciting but tiring for him.

Your phone had a few missed calls, and you weren't worried about returning any. Instead, you decided to have some breakfast and leave your phone behind. You sent Harry a quick text not to worry him. You'd be back soon enough and could head into the arena together.

As you were about to walk into a small bagel shop, you saw Elin approaching you, coming out of a small boutique.

"Bel, hello."

You smile and reciprocate the hug she gave you. "Hi, Elin. Nice morning, huh."

Elin hums, "nice to walk around. Not as cold as other places."

"You're right about that."

"Headed in to eat?"

"I was about to. Would you join me?"

"I'd love to, but I was heading back. Have a call with my partner in fifteen minutes."

Oh.

You weren't expecting that. As much as you thought you wanted to be alone, you really didn't.

"That's alright. I'll see you at soundcheck."

"Course, Bel."

You wave at her goodbye, walking in ready to get some food in you. Ordering was quick and easy, the cashier letting you know they'd bring over your iced coffee and bagel soon. Sitting at the back corner table, you took in the people around you. It was a small location, but full of people, some waiting to the side for their orders and others chatting with friends at the tables. It seemed you were the only person sitting alone.

"Miss," you look up from your chipped nails to see the other cashier bring you your food. "Hope you enjoy."

"Thank you."

You look down at the everything bagel the waitress recommended and know it won't be as good as the ones in New York. You made a mental note to visit your favorite shop when returning.

Breakfast was uneventful; you didn't let yourself get lost in thought, knowing you'd lose track of time and only cause Harry to worry, which is not something he needed on his already packed schedule. You ate breakfast, left a nice tip, and made your walk back to the hotel.

It was easy to blend in with the crowd as if you were heading to work or simply going for a walk. Harry and you try your best to go out and enjoy a city, but it's challenging when having to travel with security. On more than one occasion, Harry has asked you to walk with security when you leave, but you deny it each time, knowing it's not necessary. As much as you hate to think, you're often overlooked, never the person to stand out as much as you're told otherwise. Harry tells you every time you walk into a room, all heads turn to look at you, and there has to be some truth there because Viola said that to you when she first signed you on.

It's easy to fight with your mind.

As well as bury what you don't want to bring up, except you've made a choice to do the opposite. You're just not sure of the right time.

Scanning your hotel room key, you heard the shower on and sighed in relief, knowing Harry was back. You'd have joined him if not for already taking one before you went out into the city. It seemed he'd be out soon as his music had come to a stop.

"Bel? That you?" He calls out as he shuts the water off.

"It's me."

"Be out soon," he shouts.

You don't bother answering; instead, sit on the bed.

You're leaving for the venue soon but now feels like a good time to discuss how you're feeling. Harry is nothing but kind, never belittling your feelings. The only downfall is how busy he can be.

"Lunch at the venue, love?"

"Sure," you respond.

Harry slips out of the bathroom, wearing his white cotton trousers. No shirt and hair damp. He was a sight for sore eyes, something you would never get tired of admiring.

"Lookin' good rockstar."

The blush that rises on his face is your favorite thing about showering him in compliments.

"Bel."

"What, I can't admire my boyfriend."

"You can," he grumbles as he slips on his 'waiting for sunset' t-shirt that fits him snug now from all the working out he's been doing since the start of tour.

He sets his phone on the bed, stepping between your legs to give you a gentle kiss. You hum against him, letting him linger for a moment longer.

"Missed ya, baby."

"Your fault you wanted to go work out."

"Yeah, yeah, blame me."

Harry stands in front of you, running his hands through your hair gently, making you sigh, letting yourself be taken care of.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

You see the wrinkle on his forehead letting you know when he's focused, and you've got his full attention.

"You know you can," he assures you.

"Well, today-"

"Harry! We got to go." Tom yells while pounding on the door, interrupting you.

Harry sighs, letting his hands fall to his side, "can tell them to leave us alone for a few more minutes."

You shake your head, knowing this conversation needs more than five minutes dedicated to it. "No, it can wait."

Standing up, you slip on your jacket as you're fixing your collar. Harry's hand snakes around your waist, pulling you back against his firm chest, "sorry, baby. Are you sure it's okay?"

You turn around, taking in his concerned look, wanting that to go away; you press a kiss to his cheek. "Promise." He doesn't look convinced, so you lean in and kiss his lips, and that's when you feel him relax.

"Okay, off we go."

It seemed your time of being alone was gone. As soon as you arrived at the arena, Harry was taken away from you, needing to check in with his outfit for the night. Everyone seemed to be everyone and nowhere at once. You ended up eating lunch with Tina and Scout, who worked in engineering. They talked to you about their family and how they were looking forward to returning home to London.

Soon after a delicious plate of soup with sourdough bread, you walked back to Harry’s dressing room for the night. To your luck, he was there, staring down at a sheet of paper, and without overthinking about it, you rushed to bury yourself in his arms.

“Sunshine, you alright.”

“Just missed you,” you muttered, burying your face further in his chest.

Harry sighs, his arms tightening around you. “Show days are always crazy.”

You know that’s true, especially with back-to-back shows.

“I bet you enjoy the rush.”

“I do.” He confirms, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Also enjoy the downtimes.”

“The puppies?”

Harry laughs, and it echoes throughout the room and settles in your heart, “the puppies.”

“Got to get me one.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing you with a dog.”

“Maybe, when I’m settled in the new year.”

“Hmm…as long as you bring me along.”

“Why’s that?”

“Got to make sure they’ll like me.”

“You’ll charm them soon enough.”

He chuckles, “think I’m charming?”

“You know I do.”

You pull back, resting your hands on his waist, your smile now gone.

“Everything alright, Bel?”

“We need to talk.”

Harry’s hands are now cradling your face, making you look at him. Your eyes tell a sad story, and you know you’re ready. You need to get it out. It’s still weighing down your chest.

“Let’s talk then.”

He nods for you to go on, moving you both back slowly to sit on the couch.

You take a moment, let out a long deep breath when Jeff comes flying in through the door, going on about how ticket sales are through the roof and that once again, there are people at the box office. You pull back from Harry, knowing that the moment is gone, and as much as you wanted to talk, it was not happening once again.

“Jeff,” Harry scolds.

“Awe, did I interrupt you, Harold?” Jeff teases.

“You did.”

“Well, save it for later; it’s time for soundcheck.”

You blow out a breath and get up, offering your hand to Harry. He just stares at your hand.

“Take it, silly.”

He does so, following you out letting you lead the way to the stage.

“Bel, I’m sorry we got interrupted.”

“We’ll find time.”

“If it’s important–”

“–it’s alright,” you interrupt. “This is your job and everyone else’s. Don’t stop because of me and silly conversation.”

You’re downplaying this. You have to in order for him to listen to you.

“Okay, alright.”

Good. You’d watch him for half an hour, then you’d talk.

You could make it that long.

Harry was in the middle of 'Adore You' when he saw you walk out. He wanted to follow you and hold you as you both finally got a moment of silence, but instead, he kept singing because that's his job. This isn't only about him, and as much as every cell in his body was telling him to go to you, he stood there singing a song that held an entirely new meaning; as he sang, all he saw was his Bel.

As soon as Harry put down his guitar after 'She' as if he actually played any of the notes, not like Mitch, not when his entire focus was putting on a good show and interacting with the crowd.

"Thank you, everyone, that was great." Harry addressed everyone handing off his microphone to one of the crew down the steps.

"Harry."

He turned around, stopping seeing Mitch waiting at the edge hoping for him to stop. "Mitch."

"Everything alright?"

Harry wasn't sure how his friend did it. He always knew when something was wrong. Mitch could very well be a clairvoyant.

"I'm hoping," Harry tells him honestly.

"Remind her she's not alone."

He isn't sure how to respond to that and takes off to his dressing room to finally talk with Bel.

Harry hurries past everyone, only giving short greetings knowing if he got into a conversation, he'd be too polite to put an end to it. When he finally arrives at his room, he's glad to see the door closed, meaning you're inside.

He lets out a sigh of relief, "Bel–"

There's no one here.

Bel's sweater is gone, and there's a ringing.

A ringing, a phone. He feels his in his pants pocket and knows it must be Bel's. He searches for it knowing it could be her, just in case. When he spots it in Bel's makeup bag, the screen shines to show a missed call from 'Viola.' He'll have to remind you of that, but for now, he has to find you.

Harry rushes out, thinking to himself of where you could have gone. The bus is one option, but knowing they're parked has fans lingering around.

Where would Bel be?

He freezes. You like nature and being outside. He thinks of the tour you were given when you arrived and how there was a nice view of a flower garden at the back entrance. It was secluded in a way that made people think there was no way back there.

As he walks, there are many thoughts of what you want to talk about, but that all leaves when he sees you sitting on the floor, knees tucked in close. Your back resting against a wall taking in the beautiful sunset in front of you.

"Darling," he announces his presence to you, but you don't flinch.

"Hi Harry," you whisper.

"You left."

"I did."

Harry sinks down next to you, leaving a tiny space between you, which you quickly close, making his heart relax just the slightest bit.

"Everything alright? Left your phone behind. Viola called."

"Did you answer?"

He shakes his head, "it was too late."

You shrug, "then I'll call her back later."

Having Harry next to you, you relax, laying your head against the wall and closing your eyes.

"You're not okay, are you, Bel?" You chuckle. "All the trying to talk to me."

"Not today," you answer truthfully.

"My love," Harry's voice soft, that wrapped you in a safety net that had been missing.

"Can I tell you about it?"

"Of course, you can."

You reach your hand out for his, and he gently slips it in. Letting you hold on to him. He thinks you're going to start, but you continue to sit in silence.

Harry wonders if you changed your mind, "Bel,"

"Give me a second."

"Give you all of them," he assures you.

That gets him a smile. You look at him, squeezing his hand in assurance.

"It's my dad's birthday," your voice cracks as you say the words you've been trying to get out all day. "Today."

"Bel." Harry scoots in closer, tucking your intertwined hands to his chest to hold close.

"I know you've been waiting for me to talk, but I couldn't." You shake your head, willing the tears away. Except they keep coming. "He was my hero."

"Oh, my love."

"His birthday is always the hardest. I'm never in California during this month because we came down for a week to celebrate each year. He always decided on a new city to visit. It feels a lot to not have him here."

"I'm sorry." That's all Harry could think to say. He can't relate to your pain, but he can remind you that you aren't alone.

Once again, you sit in silence, neither of you focused on moving the conversation.

"There's something I didn't tell you when we met."

"In 2015?"

"No, in St. Paul."

Harry feels his heart rate speed up, not sure what you're about to tell him, not sure on the change of topic.

"I told you about my parents and how I lost them in a car accident to a drunk driver as they were on the way to pick me up from school."

Harry feels his stomach drop, fearing what you're about to say. "Darling n–"

"–I was in the car. They had already picked me up. Signed me out of school and got my school work. They promised to sit down each night to do it with me as I didn't want to worry about homework on holiday."

You don't dare look at Harry, can't stand to see the pity in his eyes.

"We were on the way to the airport for his birthday." You pause, reach your free hand up to wipe your tears. "He never told me the city we were going to that year. Claimed he wanted to surprise me. To this day, I don't know where we would have gone. I had a feeling Big Sur or San Francisco. I was a fan of bridges at that age. We were supposed to see my grandparents first then drive up to our destination. When we didn't arrive, they called and heard the news." Harry brings your hand up to his mouth, pressing kiss after kiss, grounding you at the moment with him. "My dad turned the car in a way to take the brunt of the hit. He died on impact."

"Bel," Harry tries to stop you, but you keep going.

"My mom was conscious and looked in the back seat, her little girl covered in glass and cuts everywhere crying to be held. My last happy memory of my family is singing macarena at the top of our lungs. She stared at me the whole time, telling me it would all be okay, that we had to be strong. I didn't even realize I fell asleep until I woke up to her screaming to get me out first, then check on her husband. As soon as I was on the stretcher, I was out." You're squeezing Harry's hand hard, trying to get through this last bit. "I woke up in a hospital bed alone, begging to see my parents. My Abuelo walked in, his eyes red from crying something I'd only seen once before. When he shut the door, I saw my Abuela on a chair crying, and I knew. I knew I lost them."

Harry drops your hand and pulls you in for a hug. He shifts you in his lap, rocking you back and forth as you let all your pent-up tears out. It's like a heavyweight has been lifted off, not carrying the memory of this day alone.

"I'm sorry. I know you must not like hearing that, but I am. I'm sorry. I'm here for you. I promise. You're not alone. I just want to be here for you." Your tears keep coming, hearing how broken his voice sounds and feeling his tears soak your hair. It's not pity. It's empathy.

"Naomi thought I'd get a flight to her."

Harry tucks your body closer to him, "did you think about it?"

"Not for a second."

"Can I feel a bit relieved?" He confesses.

"Yes. I like being with you, Harry. You keep me calm. Make me feel loved. Whole."

"It's nice to hear."

You lean back, bring a hand up to cradle his face, "I'm sorry for pulling away. It wasn't you."

"I know. I just didn't want to push you either."

You sigh, "I'm afraid if I say something, you'll get upset."

"Could never," he promises.

"This isn't my family."

You feel him tense and pull away from you slightly. It makes you drop your hold of him.

"I told you."

"No, no. I'm sorry." He comforts.

"It's fine. It's awful to say."

"Ca–would you explain?"

You frown but do as he asked. "I–I wasn't even supposed to be here. It was all chance, but I wouldn't change anything," you reassure. "I promise, it's just everyone here is so close and friends and you know each other's families, and I can't share that. I have no one."

"That's not true," his voice cracking as he speaks.

"It is. When you spoke to your mum, you didn't mention Naomi as my family but as my friends, and it's true they are just my friends."

Harry frowns, "Bel, you know that's not true. I messed up."

"But you aren't wrong," you sob.

"I am. They are your family." Harry pushes your hair back, making you look at him. His heart is breaking for you. "Family doesn't end with blood, remember everyone here loves you. You're kind and welcoming and just the best person."

"You didn't mean it?"

It all sinks in for Harry, "was–did hearing that, was that my fault?"

"No," you're quick to assure. "It was me for eavesdropping and not asking. Then this date is never easy."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't, H."

"No, I am. You've told me how much they mean to you, and I was insensitive."

You nod, appreciating his apology, "we're alright. It felt good to let out."

"Feel lighter?" He wipes away your tear streaks.

"I do."

"Do you want to take a trip home?"

You shake your head no. "You're home, remember."

Harry can't help the tears that rush out, never once having felt a love this deep.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry you felt like you weren't. That I forgot."

He brings your lips together in a chaste kiss, "always will be here to remind you. I promise."

You kiss him again, needing him close, need him to ground you and remind you that you really aren't alone.

And you know you aren't. That anyone here would be there to help if you need it. All you needed was the reminder. Having Harry by your side to do that is the best thing.

“I love you, mi corazón.”

"I love you, Bel."

Harry was on stage shining as he always did. He was dressed in another custom Gucci look, pink this time. A metallic pink glistened with all the lights directed at him, with hot pink wide-leg trousers and cream boots to match the suspenders. Helping him get ready tonight was lovely, one of your favorite moments.

It was just him and you in a locked room as you helped him dress, stealing kiss after kiss. He did not let go of you the moment you went back to it; what you thought was maybe fifteen minutes had been an hour. Jeff made sure to keep people to a minimum at Harry's request stating he needed to mediate a bit more. Easily believable due to the busy day of back-to-back shows.

Everyone was concerned when it was five past nine and Harry had yet to enter his box. There had been endless pounding on his door that you ignored. Too busy letting Harry shower you in kisses. Too content to have him stop.

When you finally separated, everyone picked up on Harry's happiness, but most importantly yours. Your smile shines bright for the first time in days, you thought no one took notice, but everyone had. Especially wearing a lilac floral dress with a plunging neck and bell sleeves paired with white chunky heeled boots. You were radiating for all to see.

"He's doing wonderful," Tallulah shouts in your ear over the loud cheers as Harry walks down the catwalk to begin singing 'Cherry.'

"Always, the crowd makes all the difference."

She nudges your shoulder, "think it might be you."

You furrow your eyebrows, not sure what she means when you look up to the stage and see him waving at you, making it seem like it's to a few fans around him.

"Maybe," you reply.

You lift your hand up, flashing him a peace sign, making him laugh, finally looking away from you.

The concert continues, Harry joking with the fans. Always taking a moment to blow them kisses, wanting to feel even a fraction of the love that he does.

You noticed that Harry was more emotional than usual, taking more than a few moments to take in the crowd. He is doing his best to look out for you, even with hundreds of people between you.

As always before 'Fine Line,' Harry takes the time to thank Jenny Lewis, his fantastic opener, his band who showcase their skills each night, and his crew that makes each night possible. He stresses their importance, thanking them, knowing he wouldn't be able to perform each night without them. Then he takes in his crowd, eyes scanning at all the smiling faces as he tries his best to look at everyone from the floor to the top.

"Thank you to each and every single one of you. I wouldn't be able to do this without you." Harry paused, waiting a few seconds for the crowd's cheering to die down. "Tonight…" he looks down, clearing his throat before looking up, finding your eye's even from the far distance of where he stands in the center of the stage. "Tonight is dedicated to a special person who isn't here tonight. It's their birthday."

The gasp that leaves you when you understand what he's doing.

"It's their birthday, and thanks to me, I've met my favorite person." He confesses. "Este es para ti."

You let your tears run freely as you see the smile he's giving you. Then he's singing the opening line to an emotional song. You step towards the barricade, but Tommy grabs your elbow, stopping you. Tallulah is quick to wrap her arm around you, holding you as you cry, swaying you side to side. She might not know the reason you're crying, incredibly harder than other nights. It's comforting having her there.

Spending six minutes crying isn't fun, but it's even worse when you want to run to Harry, but it's impossible as he sits under the stage, ready for the encore. You're tempted to ask Jeff to sneak you down quickly, but you hold back, knowing there isn't much longer until you can see him.

"Do me a favor?" You ask Jeff as Harry is starting his band introductions.

"How can I help, Bel?"

"Make sure we can be alone for at least an hour. Keep everyone clear for a bit."

"Do I want to know?"

"It's important," you plead.

Jeff pulls you into a side hug, "alright, I'll take care of it."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. Now start cheering, or your boyfriend's ego will be hurt."

You laugh, shaking your head, turning back to the stage as Harry starts his long into 'Watermelon Sugar' where his eyes briefly linger on you before he bounces to the other side of the stage, looking for his second microphone.

For the last few minutes that you have to share him with thousands of people, you get him all to yourself before you get him behind closed doors.

As Harry runs off stage, you don't wait for the band to step away, as usual. No, instead, you run straight to him. Everyone in the back is already beginning to back up and prepare for Arizona, and for the first time, you pay them no mind.

Harry's door is shut. As you open it letting yourself in so eager to see him, you forget to knock. He's undressing, his shirt hanging behind a chair as he turns, hearing someone come in.

His eyes widened in surprise, "Bel h–"

You rush towards him, catching him by surprise, sending you both tumbling to the floor.

Harry laughs, holding your waist, taking the impact of the fall. "Darling."

There's so much you want to say, but instead of speaking, you tuck your head in his neck and cry. You're surprised there are still tears in you. You just aren't sure how to express your gratitude for what he did for you, for his memory.

You feel his arms tense around you, "baby, what's wrong? Talk to me, my love."

"I love you," you croak out.

Harry manages to sit you up, his hands rubbing your back, bringing you comfort. "I love you too. No crying, please. Breaking my heart," he pleads.

"Happy tears," you choke out. You lean back and stare at him, seeing the concern in his green orbs. You raise your hand, resting it against his cheek. "Didn't have to do that."

Harry smiles, placing his hand over yours, "I know, but I figured they're watching over you. Want them, him to know you're not alone."

"Well, I appreciate it. It was my something good for the day." You joke, hoping he remembers the story of when you told him Naomi made you tell her something good for a few months when you turned seventeen, and she had her heartbroken.

"Deserve all the good things life has to offer, and I hope I'm one of them." He flushes but holds your stare.

"The best," you assure him.

You weren't sure who moved first, but you would never complain. His mouth was against yours, right where you always wanted him. His arms wrapped tighter around your waist while you buried your fingers in his hair, holding on tight as you took in his taste and scent that was uniquely him.

He moved his hands down, cupping the back of your thigh, lifting you slightly to haul you closer. Harry bunched up the hem of your dress. His fingers trailed up, needing to feel more of you. His touch was euphoric, bringing you pleasure you could only dream of. You bucked your hips, seeking more, and that's when he broke away from you.

"Did you lock the door?" Harry asked breathlessly.

"No."

"Let me get it." He tries moving you off from his lap.

"Don't want you to."

"Bel."

You sigh, knowing you have to, not needing anyone walking, not if you wanted to continue this moment. "I know." You give in, moving off him and onto the couch.

"Have to text Jeff."

"Already spoke with him."

"Better to be safe."

You stretch your arm out for him to take after seeing him set his phone back down, "come back to me, amor."

Harry hurries to the door, bending down to snatch something out of his bag before finally returning back over to you. As you step close, you realize it's a condom he stopped to grab, as he sets it to the side for the time being. The contrast of tattoos scattered on one arm to the lack on the other always leaves you mesmerized. He wraps you in a cocoon of safety, and you hope you do the same for him, by the smile on his face as he takes your outstretched hand, placing a kiss on your wrist slowly trailing up until you're lying on your back and Harry reaches your lips.

His thumb caressed your cheek as you continued to kiss. His lips massaged yours, adding pressure, enticing you to open your mouth. It didn't take too much convincing for you to let him in. His tongue was warm and soft but forceful at the same time. You felt yourself getting swept up by the intensity and only wanting more.

"Baby, can I take your dress off?" Harry asked, a look of deep desire on his face.

"Zippers on the back."

Harry snakes his hands to your back and slowly brings it down. You hold your breath until you feel him reach the bottom of your back and know you have to sit up for him to take it off. You tap his chest, gesturing for him to move back, and he does so without another word.

Sitting up, your dress falls down, revealing your bare breasts. You don't miss the smirk that takes over Harry's face.

"You mean to tell me, while I was on stage, this is all you had covering you."

"The dress has great support," you tease.

He lifts his hands towards you, "I can help."

You laugh, knowing he means it, "dork."

Harry comes back close, he bunches up your dress at your waist, and you lift your arms as he helps remove your dress, throwing it on the floor.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you looked tonight?"

"No," you lie, knowing very well he took several minutes to take you in as well as having you pose for a few photos on his phone.

"No," he tuts. "What a shame. The good thing is the dress looks better on the floor."

"Saying the dress didn't look good on me."

He shakes his head, "didn't say that either."

"What are you saying, Mr. Styles?"

Harry smirks, skimming his hands over your bare skin left in only a skimpy pair of silk panties.

"That you, my darling, are a dream to look at with clothes on and off," he growls.

"Oh," was your breathy response, and then he was removing the panties leaving you exposed for him. There was a time where you struggled being open and allowing others to see all of you, but when it came to Harry, it was easy, almost natural, knowing he'd take care of you.

"You are stunning," his eyes shined with love.

You felt his hand slide from your neck and over your shoulder, finally coming to rest on your breast. He lifted the weight of it as the pad of his thumb brushed lightly over your nipple. Your skin was already hard from the cool air in the dressing room. You felt the roughness of his calloused thumb cause short jolts of electricity to course through your body. Then he dropped his hand from your breast and encircled your body. He leaned his body over yours, your arms wrapped around his neck, drawing your lips together for a long kiss.

As Harry felt you relax into the kiss, he pulled away something you tried fighting him on as you felt him chuckle against your lips. He slipped out of your hold as he stood up to unbutton his pink trousers. He promised Lambert would get you a matching pair when you couldn't stop raving about the color. He stood there for a moment. Left in his briefs, you could see the outline of him through the tightly stretched fabric. His entire body rose and fell with intense breathing as he felt your lustful and loving gaze.

You only had a moment to take him in when he slipped off what was left of his clothing and ripped open the square package, and rolled the condom over his length before he was leaning over you.

His muscular, firm chest pressed against you. You felt like he might burn through you, as his skin was so warm from you and from rushing off the stage just now. His lips found yours once again as he settled his weight on you. It felt beautiful to be seen with such want and love, and even better, you felt the same way towards him.

Harry pulled back from the kiss, and your skin cooled, raising goosebumps across your entire body. He placed his hands on top of your thighs and parted them open to rest by his hips, and with a pull on you and thrust of his hips, he entered you.

Your eyes slammed shut as pleasure exploded through you. Harry was frozen above you, waiting for you to relax, wanting to bring you nothing but joy.

"Beautiful," he muttered, causing you to flutter your eyes open. "There's my baby."

You smiled, nodding at him to move your body no longer tense as you felt him slip deeper inside of you as you pressed yourself closer to him. You heard a sound. A faint echo of a grunt echoed through the room. He continued to rock back and forth as your body lurched in unrestrained pleasure.

Watching Harry's face, he was grunting as he kept his rhythm going, loving all the moans and gasps he drew out of you.

"More, please," you begged.

Harry nodded, and you knew he'd give you what you were craving; what you didn't expect was for his to pull out, leaving you empty.

"Harry," you gasp.

He smirks, not answering you. He gently stands you up, moving you to stand in front of the large vanity dresser facing the mirror. Harry smiled at you through the mirror, nudging your thighs open as he settled his hands on your hips. You braced yourself with your arms, careful not to lose your balance but also lost in the pleasure. His face had taken on a look of focused desire, his lips settled on your neck, and you felt his fingers curl into the flesh of your hips as he thrust in you once again.

And like moments before, you were overtaken by the sensations traveling through you. You were addicted to how much pleasure he brought you and knew you would never have enough. Harry moved with you, back and forth, back and forth, your mind focused on how he felt entering and leaving you.

You soaked up every feeling as if it could be taken away but assumed it wouldn't be. This feeling, this emotion. This love was all for her.

You felt his fingers tighten against your skin as he pulled your body roughly, holding you tightly against him as he came shouting his relief into the room. His hand slipped over your front down to your clit, wanting you to come, to give you the pleasure you just gave him.

"Come for me, darling," he nuzzled his face in your neck, placing a kiss. "Sorry I didn't wait."

You ignore his words focused on his touch as he brings you to your orgasm, shouting his name, forgetting where you are for a second, letting yourself fall back against him. You look at him through the mirror, riding your orgasm through, feeling his heaving breathing against your back, relaxing as the last of the pleasure leaves you.

Harry slipped out of you, guiding you both back slowly to rest on the couch, your back against his chest. You could feel the pounding of his heart and knew he must feel the same. You feel his hands move behind you, discarding the condom, as you let yourself come down from the intense lovemaking.

Your eyes slowly closed as the feeling of security enveloped you, Harry's hold on you tightening as he felt a chill run through you. The cold air-conditioned room is a contrast to your warm body. You were too dazed out to be concerned.

"Baby,"

"Hmm.." you respond, not opening your eyes for him.

"You okay,"

"Wonderful," you breathed out.

He chuckles, "me too, darling."

"I love you."

"God, I love you, Bel. So much."

You lay there, letting him hold you knowing he wanted you to get dressed but know he'll give you a few more minutes.

You feel him begin tapping on your thigh and know that you've taken enough will give him time to care for you.

"Fine, we can get dressed," you pout.

"Baby." You move off of him, turning to see his dimpled smile, "promise when we get back, I'll take care of you. We're not done."

You perk up at his words, "we aren't?"

"Not even close," he swipes his thumb over your bottom lip, and you're quick to press a quick kiss before he moves it away. "Need to have a taste of you. Owe you a few orgasms for not waiting for you."

"H–"

He cuts you off, "–nope, promise to take care of you. This is part of it."

You love him. It's that simple. You press your lips against his but don't take it any deeper, knowing you'd want another round and don't have it in you to stop.

"Okay, okay. Let's get dressed."

Harry has you wait on the couch as he gathers your clothes, not that you mind because you're getting a good view of his firm ass.

"Got a few days off," you voice as Harry hands you his black 'Pleasing' sweater and your red sweats with tiny hearts littered around, wanting you to get dressed as you've got to head to bed soon, a blush on his face as you squeeze his cheek as he walks away to get dressed.

"Finally," he jokes.

You roll your eyes, "are we spending them in Arizona?"

"Yes. You alright with that?"

"I am."

"We're close to the home stretch." Harry reminds you both.

"I know."

The days are numbered for the end of tour. You're looking forward to staying in a city for longer than a day, but you're going to miss everyone around.

"I'll still be here after," you promise, grabbing his hand and pressing a kiss to his pinky.

"Not as close."

"We'll figure it out. Together." That gets him to smile. "Plus, once you're done, we'll get to relax and enjoy each other. I'll cook for you, we'll watch endless shows, some scrabble, share more of our books, oh and you can even bake for me."

"That sounds like a lot of fun."

You grin, "that's cause it will be."

Only a month until you had to stop sharing him, less if you really thought of it.

You love Harry, and that means all of him.

thank you for reading <3 i adore you

taglist: @alienorknight @harry-is-my-sunflower @myfavfanficsever @4hazza @springholland @michellekstyles @harryismyfwend @evanjh @onlyamylee @golden-hoax @itsmycorneroftheinternet @harryspirate @tenaciousperfectionunknown @thurhomish @thelovecayon

part twenty-one glendale

[notfoundfootage]

Routine with Brahms Heelshire

Because I'm tired and I need to feed myself some content to make me feel a little more human again.

DO NOT REPOST/PLAGIARIZE instead you can reblog and make me a little more happier today.

Minors don't interact.

A/N: Not much to warn here, mostly fluff, I put wifi in the manor because yes I can't live without it, the nanny has a notebook too. Gender neutral.

Routine:

You two still somewhat follow the schedule, but you two agreed on things that could get a little more flexible. Now "alone time" got included in the routine, for both your sakes.

He's a early bird, waking up at 7 every day. And expect him to wake you up too. You two are probably sleeping in your room, and he will cuddle in you as soon as he opens his eyes. Sometimes he'll watch you sleep beside him, and when he gets impatient and wants to rise, he'll call your name all mushy and whiny.

Helps make breakfast. Would rather cook than clean, and is actually good at it, as he probably was used to cooking for himself in the walls.

If he's feeling like it, sometimes he'll sneakly bring breakfast to your bedroom, so he can surprise you with a nice treat for once, usually this happens when he pulled a prank on you or has a prank planned.

After cleaning up, you two head to do physical exercise, wich usually consists in you two doing wathever physical activity you feel like it. I Hc that the Heelshires have a tennis court, so sometimes you'll be going there on sunny days. You two also go to the recreational room a lot to play games of pool.

You two agreed that mondays are meant to clean the house and meal prep. After exercise time, you two will go right to it.

Again, he isn't a fan of chores, and will whine and throw a tantrum if he has to do more than clean the dishes and put clothes to wash in the machine. How one person can clean a victorian manor in two and a half hours? I don't know either, so let's just think it's actually magic.

He'll stick to meal prep, wich surprinsingly, he enjoys. Prepare ingredients, cut veggies, plan the week's menu, complain that Malcolm forgot to bring something he especifically asked, put meat to marinate, he loves doing it. Years spent eating leftovers, frozen and canned food made him really value his meals. He's also becoming picky with his food, now that he has control over it, and will ask for more culinary books and better ingredients.

When you two finish up your house duties, you have lunch by noon, take a quick shower and go to his learning duties.

On not-mondays though, the two hours before lunch are spent as you two wish. Usually you two just keep playing pool or tennis, sometimes you go back to watch a movie in your notebook and trading kisses and cuddles.

By 12pm, you two eat lunch, and clean the dishes.

By 1pm, it's studying time. He usually goes off to his room in the walls to work on his personal projects while listening to music and to your voice reading to him. Sometimes he'll stick around and lay on your body while you read, or just remove the book from your hands and claim it's nap time, if he's feeling sleepy after a nice lunch.

You were hired as a nanny, or better yet, a tutor for him. So if you can teach him anything new, he'll be grateful.

He stopped the violin and piano lessons after the going into the walls, and hestill got a passion for music, he'll love to go learn more and practice freely now that he can go near the instruments again.

If you are from abroad, he'll ask to learn your language, but he's not very proficient as he is with music or crafts, even trying his best. But still, he can understand enough to understand when you cuss at him after a well pulled prank.

Hates history. It's in his schedule but hates it. Would rather go back to the walls than listen for the twentieth time the same things he already learned when he was a child. If you wanna share some morbid historical curiosity though? He's in. Probably steals your notebook to watch Ask a Mortician.

He now has access to youtube and streaming services in your notebook. Again, will steal your notebook to use them. Will buy new books for himself using your credit card. Refuses to get a kindle, he thinks it's an techonogical atrocity, would rather die than touch a kindle.

Sometimes he allows you into his room so you can watch it with him or accompany him in his artsy endeavors. If you're interested, he can teach you about taxidermy, as it's one of his hobbies. Or you two can paint and draw together.

Around 5pm, while Brahmsy keeps watching whatever he wants on your notebook, you would go out to clean and reactivate the rat traps and get the mail by 5pm. Sometimes he goes with you if he's needy, but usually he goes to prepare something for you two munch on dinner.

He adores taking hot baths at night, the feeling of soaking in the water soothing his aches and pains from the day is just perfect. If you enter the bath with him, he'll be instantly pleased and will put a shy devious grin on his face. Again, he buys bathbombs with your credit card.

Just to be safe, don't keep your credit card logged in your notebook. He's a bit of an impulsive buyer, and before you learn your lesson, he's ordering a bunch of stupid things with it. If you complain, he'll throw hands and yell that he's rich. Call him a Stinky Burgeois and he won't make food for a week, and will leave stomping complaining that "I'm not a bloody burgeois, I'm a aristocrat, and a very nice smelling one too."

Will come back for cuddles in the middle of the night. But you better pretend you're asleep or he'll go back into the walls.

By 10 at night, you two better be in bed. He doesn't care what you'll be doing in bed until you doze off, but you need to be in your pajamas, comfy under the covers. Likes to sleep in absolute dark, runs cold and will push his cold feet into your legs for warmth. During winter, he will put his cold ass hands under your clothes just to see you jump and complain. Is a light sleeper, and clings to you like you're his personal teddy bear.

Expect a tantrum if he's not the little spoon at least twice a week.

[dourpeep]

WAIT. I'm losing my mind over that friends to lovers post you reblogged. All I can think about is college Albedo + mutual pining, romantic tension, and friends to lovers OTL

- Leaving little post it notes in his bag or inside the cover of his textbook to tell him to have a nice day or remind him to take care of himself because you know he has a tendency to work too hard sometimes!! And what if he meets up with Sucrose and Timaeus because they like to catch up and sometimes discuss their research or homework, and they see Albedo hiding a grin behind his books and think that he's solved a particularly difficult problem but it's just a cute little note you slipped him when he wasn't looking

- You stay up studying for exams with Albedo and he dozes off on your shoulder so you sit there afraid to move because you don't want to wake him but you're also dying inside

- The two of you go to the library to work but eventually get distracted so it turns into the two you sitting close together on a couch and reading each other sections from your favourite books

- I can also see him as someone who rambles about labs or new research he's absolutely taken by. Weeks later when you mention something he said before, he's a little surprised but you just tell him that you tried your best to understand everything because you know it's important to him and maybe his heart skipped a little

- Going off your headcanons: Albedo looking for little specimens and deciding it could be a fun outing with Klee so she can get some sunshine and you find the two of them in the park. You end up joining them and Albedo's heart softens seeing you and Klee laughing and smiling together!

- I remember this little headcanon you had where he snorts when laughing sometimes and imagine Albedo letting one slip out while he's with you, and Kaeya teasing him later on.

- Eventually, his friends start asking if the two of you are together because of the silent affection and teasing between the two of you. Albedo knows he likes you but he's scared a relationship will ruin everything and you're too important to lose even if it means he never says anything, but little did he know, you have feelings for him too.

Anyway, I hope you have a nice day and week! Sorry about this monster of an ask lmao

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR ALBEDO

NEVER

Like... there are two characters that I seldom, if ever, turn down and that's my beloved Albedo and beloathed Scaramouche- If you don't want me to shut up about a topic??? Like just utter word vomit???? Bring them up. Bring them up, I dare you--

Okay okay okay okay now lemme just--

oops. 1.4k words. Enjoy your headcanon drabbles, courtesy of me being a hard simp for Albedo--

College au Albedo is pretty close to how he normally is! Brilliant, though having difficulties with making friends and keeping said friends, getting carried away with experiments (did you know if you're on good enough terms with the professors, they'll vouch for you so you can use the lab when there aren't classes using them?? Yeah)...so the friendship that you have with him is certainly the closest one he has.

It'd be the kind where you knock on his dorm or apartment door at 11:45pm with some takeout and your textbooks and he'll let you in without a second thought. You slip inside and settle on the floor next to the coffee table cross-legged, setting the food out as if you don't live a good walk away. He wasn't going to sleep any time soon anyway.

Like the kind of friendship where your hand instinctively slips into his to tug him towards something cool you found or to the café where you tend to go after classes.

Even after you get to your destination, you don't let go.

Now that that has been established--the little notes you slip into his bag or on his books really began as a little reminder. Despite his keen intellect, Albedo tends to easily forget things because his mind is always going onto the next thing. So, being the great friend you are, would just slip a note to remind him to take breaks, eat a snack, or that you're supposed to go and meet Sucrose and Timaeus after class to prep for the upcoming exams.

Neither of you really know when they began to turn into doodles or 'seemingly platonic declarations of adoration'. It's normal for friends to write a heart besides "Don't forget I love you!", right? Yeah.

The smile that makes it's way on Albedo's face is unmistakable the moment that Sucrose accidentally stumbles upon a sticky note carefully tucked in one of his notebooks.

-

Speaking of Albedo and his tendencies to get carried away with stuff, he often functions on...minimal sleep.

Those nights that you pop up at his place to study or just hang out, he often ends up dozing off, glasses sliding uncomfortably down the bridge of his nose and hair tousled out of it's usual style.

You never plan to stay the night (though even when he's awake he insists you do because it's not as safe at night to make the commute home), but you can't just disturb his sleep when it's the first time in a while that he's probably gone without taking a capsule or two of melatonin to help himself back into some semblance of a sleep schedule.

It's these moments that you remember just how soft his hair is and just how nice his shampoo smells.

Also that he's a cuddler.

You awake in the morning, back aching and eyes squinting against the sudden brightness of the world around you and limbs tangled with your best friend. He's unbothered because his face is half-shoved against the crook of your neck.

-

With the library, you often find yourselves in a little game. There's so much to learn and so, so many topics through the old vanilla-scent found between pages!!

So trips to the library end up with the two of you digging and sifting to find a topic you've never heard of, sit and read for 15 minutes, then proceed to explain said topic the best you can (without looking!!). It almost always ends up with a few chuckles from Albedo as you fumble explaining (and half-making up) information and Albedo's (unfairly) great short-term memory winning out.

Speaking of...between actually studying and your little topic games, Albedo turns to you to bounce off his current observations and ideas. Sucrose and Timaeus, though both in similar majors as Albedo, are busy with their own projects and research to the point that they don't really have the time to help with stuff as extensive as his research.

Annnnd, naturally, since you don't have anything better to do and are almost always by his side, you play that part!

You listen intently no matter how dense the subject may be and no matter if you do or do not have the background knowledge.

When you ask him to explain something you don't quite understand, he can't help but blink in surprise because you were listening??? And wanted to really understand? You prove time and time again (even days, weeks later) that you listened to every word that tumbled out during his rambles.

And of course you do! Albedo's one of the most important people to you, so it's only natural that you want to show interest in his interests.

Also it's pretty cool to find out those random bits of trivia (like lobsters and their repairable telomeres-).

--

Klee!!!

Oh man, the first time that you met Klee was a pretty hectic day for Albedo. Due to his Aunt Alice's incredibly busy schedule, he tends to care for Klee on days that he doesn't have class.

However, that particular day he just barely finished class before he had to go and pick her up from school.

With you in tow, that is.

Immediately, the little girl brightens up at your presence, no doubt excited from what she's heard about you (listening in to Albedo's conversations with Alice and the embarrassed tone in his voice when he realizes that he's let your name slipped again and now Aunt Alice wants to know about this particular friend who's captured dear little Bedo's attentions). He's relieved when Klee doesn't immediately reveal that.

From then on, Klee insists that Albedo invites you for every outing they have.

The cafe for a quick treat? The bookstore to sit and read a few books?

"Oh, please please please?? Can they come Albedo? Klee promises that she'll be good!"

Who is he to say no?

But above all, those park days are his favorite. You end up running around with Klee, lifting her up so she can reach a particular leaf on a branch, squatting down to see a bug or lizard that she's entirely enthralled by--all while Albedo sits under the shade of a tree on a blanket, sketchbook and pencil in hand.

You don't know it (even though there's many occasions where he's shown you his sketchbook), but the pages are filled with your smile.

-

Around you, Albedo's found that he's most comfortable.

There's no need to hide insecurities or hold his tongue when something particularly exciting comes to mind...nor does he hold back in his laughter. Especially with your insistence that his laugh is cute.

That scenario with Kaeya is entirely an accident, proof of just how used to your presence he's become.

It's a late night and you're out with a bigger group of friends than usual, some friends that Albedo's only known since the start of college, but definitely good ones.

With a drink in your hand you all sit at a large table, chatting about anything and everything when you crack a joke and Albedo snorts.

Not like a snort with his normally quiet chuckle, either.

Instead, he's laughing hard, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes and stomach hurting (and maybe it's because of the few sips of drink he's had) and he snorts. The moment the sound escapes him and he's trying hard to calm back down, Kaeya grins.

He's most definitely one of the first people to put two and two together.

After all, Albedo keeps to himself, even around them. But with you around? There's a certain spark of life that ignites.

-

It's no surprise that the two of you are close when all is said and done.

But that doesn't stop either of you from choking and cheeks from flushing when someone asks if you're a couple. It happens often--too often to count--and ranges between Kaeya's teasing comments and a few sweet words from an elderly woman passing by your table at the cafe.

And you laugh--you and Albedo--because no, no, you're just friends.

Right?

Then the light hits your features just right, illuminating you in a soft glow that makes your eyes shine and--

It's undeniable the way that he feels for you. The sudden quickening of his heartbeat is proof enough. You slide your drink towards him for him to try and he does the same, eyes unable to leave your lips as you take a sip and then smile.

Between the cracks of his appreciation, of this warmth, dread seeps.

Though...that was just over a week ago.

Sitting down back at his apartment, your head resting on his chest and your hands intertwined while you watch whatever's on tv, you shift. Your lips meet in a sweet kiss.

And Albedo wonders how neither of you managed to see it sooner.

[untiltheendoftime]

Summary: Staring at a stranger leaves you with an empty plate of fries and a heart filled with the slightest bit of love.

gif by @stevenrogered

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: A normal amount of swearing, other than that it's pure fluff.

Writers note: This is for @celestialbarnes "4k writing challenge"

Reblogs, likes and your thoughts are so much appreciated. Feel free to point out any errors.

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Can I steal your fries?

You had found yourself in a small diner, after another terrible date, with a large portion of fries in front you. Perhaps alcohol would've been more helpful to forget the whole day, but sadly your work schedule didn't allow you to get drunk and risk a hangover.

As soon as you sat down, you deleted the dating app off your phone, earning an amused look from the stranger in the booth in front of you when you had muttered something along the lines of "Fuck this shit." and "Might as well start referring to myself as a trash can if trash is all I attract."

You could feel the warmth of a blush rising on your cheeks when you heard the stranger chuckle and you were sure that you looked exactly like the ketchup on your fries. Why did you have to blush so easily? Fuck.

Unfortunately he was quite handsome, which didn't help your ketchup-face problem at all. His hair was rather short, though it looked like he was growing it out, and he gave off cozy vibes with the navy blue hoodie he was wearing and the steaming cup of coffee in his hands. He was far more than quite handsome. It was then that you noticed that his eyes, unfairly blue like the sky on a perfect summer day, were focused on you.

He fully caught you staring at him. Damn it.

In order to hide your embarrassment, you quickly adverted your eyes to the plate in front of you. Suddenly the fries were very interesting.

The sound of footsteps appeared and just when you had thought that you creepingly staring made the stranger leave, a muscular body came in sight and you were starting to feel anxious.

Thinking that apologizing was the best way to get over with this as soon as possible, you tried to come up with an excuse "Look, I'm sorry for staring. I jus-" you started bubbling, but he quickly interrupted you.

"Wouldn't have caught you staring at me if I wasn't staring as well, would I?" he said, his voice surprisingly sweet and when you had gathered up enough courage to look up at him, you were welcomed with a breathtaking smile.

Without any hesitation, he sat down in front of you and the anxious feeling quickly washed away, being replaced with irritation instead. Sure, he didn't look bad, but he was a stranger after all.

You eyed him suspiciously and he did the same, obviously mocking you. "I don't want to sound rude but I believe your coffee wants your attention more than me" you said, actually not really bothering to sound polite.

"Does sound rude to me, doll."

He probably used the nickname a lot, however it didn't stop you from feeling flattered. Not wanting to acknowledge it, and turning red again, you decided to keep your mouth shut.

The silence was starting to feel uncomfortable and from the way his brows slightly furrowed with thought, you could tell that he didn't want the conversation to end so soon.

"You're not here for the first time and I actually wanted to talk to you for a while." he admitted, "Even tried to get your attention, but all you did was stare into your phone and yeah" a faint blush crept up on his cheeks.

It took you a solid minute to process his words. Yes, you were a frequent customer, most of the times visiting after another date went downhill and sometimes you would google dating advice and gag at all the bullshit everyone wrote. You didn't exactly hate being single, though having someone to come home to wasn't the worst thought you could think of. The more dates went wrong, the more you and your family, especially them, began to wonder what was wrong with you.

"Always love a stranger watching me" you joked and instantly grimace at how badly you had worded it. That's not what you meant.

His laughter filled your ears and it was full of warmth and so contagious, you had to laugh as well.

After the laughter had died down, he cleared his throat and extendended his right hand to you "I'm Bucky" he softly said and while shaking it, the contact sending slight shivers down your spine, you tell him your name.

"Now that we know each others names, can I steal some of your fries?" Bucky asked, not waiting for an answer as he reached for your plate.

"No" you chuckled out, playfully swatting his hand away, and he glared at you for a second before dramatically putting the hand on his chest, claiming that you've really hurt his feelings and it might take decades to mend the pain in his heart.

The conversation between the two of you flowed nicely. He told you about his visits to different countries and you would ask questions about how the people were and if the food tasted good, the latter truthfully answered with a "I usually went for cheeseburgers due to the lack of time."

You had told Bucky how much you despise going on dates now because your family would pressure you, saying that the problem has to be you since your ex shortly found a significant other after the break up.

Bucky's jaw tightened at that and he voiced out how fucking rude your family was, wondering if they don't have anything else to do than rubbing their noses in your love life. Seeing that he has was way more understanding than your own family, empathy had always been something all of them undoubtedly lacked off, made you even more fond of the handsome stranger and you felt comfortable sharing personal pieces of your life with him as hours passed by.

Midway through your story you paused to look at your plate, realizing that it was almost empty now and the only reason why he didn't stop your rambling was because it allowed him to eat your fries.

"Stop taking my fries." you muttered out, causing him to grin.

"What are you gonna do about it?" he questioned, voice heavenly charming as he suggestively wiggled his eyebrows at you.

Perhaps this was the most cliché thing to do, but the look he gave you when you threw a few fries at his face was something you wish you would've gotten a picture of. His eyes were still slightly widened in shock when he, not so attractively, shoved all of the fries in his mouth, making you laugh at his childish behavior.

"I got to eat the fries. Seems like I won, sweetheart." he proudly declared.

Banters and stories later, your eyes caught a glimpse of the clock on your phone and you frown when it reads two a.m

You jolted up from your seat, calling out an apology to the old waitress who seemed to be startled by the sudden change of energy. "I do enjoy talking to you, but my shift starts in six hours." you said, your voice laced with a hint of sadness.

Bucky stood up as well and reached for your phone that was still lying on the table. He handed it you, signaling for you to unlock it, and when he had access to it, he quickly typed in his number and pressed the saving button. A cheekish smile on his lips when he puts it in your grasp again and you can't help but beam at him, too.

He held his hands up in defense, "Figured you need my number after you have deleted all the datings apps."

You rolled your eyes in response and, who knows where the confidence boost came from, step closer to him. "Goodnight" you murmured, pressing a light kiss to his cheek and they instantly heat up, which made him look adorable. Maybe you had found someone who blushes just as easily as you.

Once you had entered the front door of your apartment, your phone gave off a noise, signaling that you had received a message. A quick glance at the screen told you that it was Bucky asking if you came home alright. He definitely is a gentleman. Just when you were about to answer him, another text popped up. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop you from grinning like a lovestruck teenager while reading it.

Bucky:

When will you take me out?

Sincerely, your trash

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First story on here. Hopefully it's not that bad? I would absolutely love to hear some feedback. Thank you for reading everything ♡