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goldenavenger02 · 10 months ago

Text

found my place

His heart was pounding when the darkness allowed him to come up for a quick moment, just a few seconds to let him thoroughly panic before a hand tightly grasped onto his with the hushed voice insisting, “hey, hey, it’s okay.”

And with that, he was pulled back under.

For @senseigrace, edited by @21st-century-ninja

Lloyd’s thoughts had been hazy since the final battle.

He knew it wasn’t his final battle with the tight rope that destiny had around his neck, but he couldn’t help but hope that it was the last time.

That this was the last time he would have to fight The Overlord, the last time he would have to see Harumi and the last time he had to see Garmadon.

He tried to find the bright spots in all of it, like how Nya was back and even had regained her powers, how Ninjago was rid of the persistent darkness that tried to engulf it, but despite that, his mind just kept wandering back to the darkness that lingered inside of him.

Even the sunrise exercises, training hours and meditation sessions that he was still expected to show up for despite being the only participant were unable to center his absent mind; nothing could erase the memories of the mental and physical pain that was associated with becoming something that he wasn’t, even if there was a small voice inside of him begging him to forgive his father.

Which had led Lloyd to where he was now, standing outside of Master Wu’s bedroom with his hand knocking lightly on the doorframe; he highly doubted his uncle was awake, given that the time was nearing two in the morning, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t lull himself to sleep.

But, to his surprise, it only took a few rapid, soft knocks for Master Wu to open the sliding door and given that he was still wearing the clothes he had spent the entire day in, Lloyd couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t the only one who was struggling to sleep in the eerily quiet monastery.

“Come in, Lloyd,” his uncle insisted as he stood to the side, allowing Lloyd to walk inside; his usual meditation setup with the tray of burning incense and the red, fraying carpet was still out as well as the secondary brown carpet that was reserved for lessons, “I’ve been expecting you.”

‘Why am I not shocked?’ Lloyd thought as he sat down on the familiar brown carpet, crossing his legs when he had fully brought himself to the ground.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Wu called him out, “because something is troubling you.”

“Have you heard from the others?” Lloyd asked, hoping that his lie would be enough to quell his master’s prying, only to get the head shake that he had been expecting along with a sigh.

“Not since they left. But we both know that’s not what is keeping you awake, if anything, you should be sleeping better without the late-night video game sessions.”

Lloyd pulled in a breath to try and calm his nerves, pressing his palms into each other so they wouldn’t shake before the truth spilled from his lips, “I just…I’m worried, Master Wu.”

“About the others?”

“Well, yes, but no,” Lloyd stopped to bring in another shaking breath, feeling his heartbeat pound in his ears, “I’m worried about becoming like my father” those words resulted in Wu raising his eyebrow with what he hoped was curiosity instead of disappointment, “and the whole Oni form thing isn’t helping me feel better about that.”

“My brother was slowly corrupted by the darkness inside of him from the Great Devourer, the Oni inside of him simply propelled it,” Wu insisted, his voice growing eerily steady like it did every time he spoke about Garmadon, “we each follow our own paths, Lloyd. Paths that we are not even aware that we are on.”

“So, you have no idea if I’m going to end up like Garmadon.” Lloyd sighed as defeat seeped into his bones, “or if I’m going to turn into an Oni and get stuck like that.”

“I’m afraid I do not, nephew,” Wu agreed, “but, what turned your father into what he is now, was corruption of what once was truly good. The things that turned him into what he is now, they no longer exist.”

Lloyd nodded; he knew that the Devourer was long gone, that the Oni masks were destroyed and that the Golden Weapons had been returned to raw, elemental energy.

Nothing existed that could corrupt him the same way it had destroyed his father.

“But, and you’re not going to like this, you should continue to work on controlling your Oni form.”

“Have you not been listening to me?!” Lloyd couldn’t stop himself from shouting as he stood up, “that sounds like doing exactly what Garmadon wanted me to do! He wants me to be like him, you know that, right?! He wants me to let go of all of my emotions, my sentimentality, anything that makes me human!”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t end up like him, Uncle Wu!”

And with those words, Lloyd felt like he was eight years old again; terrorizing Ninjago, releasing the Serpentine and being everything that he thought would bring his father back to him only to get taken in by the ninja, screaming and fighting as they made him board The Bounty.

He hadn’t even noticed the hot tears rolling down his cheeks until his uncle approached and brought his hand up to wipe them away before pulling Lloyd into a tight hug which only made him cry harder.

His chest heaved harshly, his body shook and all he could do was grasp tightly onto his uncle, burying his head into his shoulder.

Master Wu didn’t speak, he just kept one hand on Lloyd’s back and let the other one gently brush through the golden wisps of hair, but it didn’t do much to quell the sobs of what he had been keeping in longer than he should have.

But, when his eyes started to sting and his ears started to hurt, he finally managed to pull himself away from Wu’s shoulder, wiping his face on his sleeve.

“I-I’m sorry,” he muttered under his breath, “about yelling at you.”

“I would rather you aim your anger at me then someone else, nephew,” his uncle insisted before putting his hand on his left shoulder, “now, even though I don’t assign bedtimes any more, it is much too late for the two of us to be awake. No sunrise exercise tomorrow, but I expect to see you awake before noon.”

“Goodnight, Master Wu.” Lloyd nodded, letting his shaky legs guide himself to his bedroom.

But as he walked, he couldn’t stop the thoughts of worry from creeping back into his mind to try and narrow down any object that could possibly corrupt him.

…

The post-battle haze didn’t leave Lloyd’s brain when he awoke the next morning; in fact, between the throbbing directly in his forehead and the heat in his cheeks, the haze was only stronger than it had been in the last few weeks.

His vision was blurry as he squinted in the darkness, trying to gain his bearings only to see the familiar form of his uncle hovering over his bed; even though there was a look of worry covering his face, he couldn’t help but feel relief when he identified him.

“Master Wu?” Lloyd’s voice cracked as he spoke, making his cheeks feel more flushed than they already were and his jaw started to ache, “is everything okay?”

“Everything except for you, nephew,” Lloyd knew that when he was referred to by “nephew” instead of his name that Wu was worried about him but it wasn’t until he felt Wu’s familiar hand rest on his forehead that he was able to process that he was sick, “you’re running a temperature.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing,” Lloyd insisted as he started to sit up, only to be met with what he could only describe as a stab of pain directly in his shoulder blades, “ah!” the cry of pain tore out of his throat and tears sprang into his eyes involuntarily.

He tried to slow his breathing as he was gently pushed back onto the mattress with a hand on his shoulder, but when the pain in his back dissipated, he was met with the throbbing in his forehead returning with a vengeance and nearly making him sick along with a chill starting to seep into his bones and spread throughout his body.

He couldn't stop himself from shaking as he pulled his legs inward toward his chest and pressed his head harder onto the pillow to try and muster up some relief.

“W-what’s…” Lloyd managed to pull a painful breath into his aching chest and fought the urge to cry out again from the ripples of agony, “w-what’s wrong with me?”

The last words Lloyd heard before the darkness pulled him down deep into unconsciousness were the unmasked, terrified words of his master, “that’s what your mother and I are trying to figure out.”

…

“-is going to have to hold him still.”

“I’ll do it.”

Lloyd couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak. All he could do was listen in on the words spoken by his bedside as pain continued to make its way through his back, his head, his teeth, his hands and his sides and he was pulled into someone’s comforting arms.

He could tell that despite the rough hands seemingly trying to press on every area that throbbed or stung, he was being supported by someone’s chest against his back.

“This is bad, Wu.” The smooth yet deep voice finally broke through his hearing, “this wasn’t supposed to happen for years.”

Lloyd could recognize that voice anywhere; whether that was in the deep recesses of his childhood, those few good years followed by the worst years of his life, only to be face to face with something that was everything but what he needed.

He could recognize the voice of Garmadon anywhere.

But, despite his harsh touch against his aching shoulder blades, there was the gentle hand in his sweaty hair that gently made its way from the top of his scalp all the way to where his thin, blonde wisps touched the bottom of his neck.

It was the only thing that kept Lloyd from fighting the paralysis that held him tightly in its grasp because he knew that no matter how much his uncle wanted to continue to foster a relationship with Garmadon, he would never let him put an unnecessary hand on him.

If he had asked a question, had managed to make his lips move or even had found it in him to try and move, he didn’t know.

All he knew was that his uncle knew, because the touch somehow became even more gentle as his familiar whisper lulled him back into the darkness.

“Everything's okay, just go back to sleep."

…

“You need to call them, Wu.”

“If this is what Garmadon says it is, then it will pass.”

“Regardless of whether it will pass or not, you know as well as I do that they will want to know what’s going on.”

“They are all in the process of trying to regain their elemental powers, Misako.”

“And they all left you their contact information if they were needed. My son needs them right now.”

A long heavy sigh and the same gentle touch running through his hair before his uncle finally responded.

“Very well.”

Darkness enveloped Lloyd yet again almost as quickly as it had let go.

…

And with that, he was pulled back under.

…

When Lloyd awoke again, his head was throbbing and even though it was now centered in the top of his skull, it still made the pain radiate throughout his face; despite that, he finally managed to pry his eyes open once again.

The lights were off, making it difficult for him to focus on anything.

In fact, he considered going back to sleep for a moment when he didn’t see his mom, uncle, or even Garmadon when his eyes flicked downward toward the pressure surrounding his left hands and saw the familiar, scarred hand with the red fabric of a gi nearly covering it.

“K-Kai?” he managed to croak, only now realizing how much his throat burned and his jaw ached, only to feel a soft hand on his blanket-covered leg that belonged to, “Nya?”

“Lloyd!” Kai shout penetrated his skull in a way that he couldn’t do anything but wince, resulting in the sound of a hard ‘smack’ against skin that he could only guess was Nya, “my bad, bud” he added in a much softer voice.

“H-how?” He couldn’t help but ask even though he vaguely remembered his mom and uncle discussing calling the others.

“Master Wu called us,” Nya said with a nod of confirmation coming from Kai, “he said that you weren’t doing too great.”

“Granted, I don’t think anyone would be doing well while they were turning into an Oni-”

‘No, no, this isn’t happening,’ the anxiety started to swell at the thought of looking like, of turning out like Garmadon, at the mere possibility of his worst fear coming true, ‘not now, not now, this is not happening.’

“Lloyd?” Nya’s muffled voice tried to break through, “Lloyd, we’ve got you.”

‘I’m a monster. I’m turning into everything that’s wrong with me. They’re going to leave me again.’

“Lloyd,” the pressure around his hand tightened, forcing him to look up at Kai’s amber-colored eyes, the eyes that he associated with safety, “Lloyd, take a deep breath and hold it in. I need you to do that for me, okay?”

Lloyd couldn’t do anything but comply, the salty tears breaking away from his tear ducts and streaming down toward his ears as he pulled in a shaking breath.

‘In, hold, out, hold.’ He repeated the breaths that he was coaxed through like a mantra until his chest stopped shuddering and his cheeks grew sticky from the drying tears.

Eventually, Kai loosened the pressure on his hand enough for him to push himself upwards on his elbows and slowly prop his aching body against the pillows; his head felt way too heavy for his neck but the angle allowed him to take in the fact that Nya and Kai were really there.

“Here, let me just…” Nya paused as she reached forward with a soft tissue and wiped down his cheeks before running her hand across the top of his scalp while avoiding the two prominent sources of the pain that pulsed throughout his head, “there you go.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, despite the ache it sent throughout his mouth before letting it fall, “what do you mean, about what you said?”

Kai’s sigh was long, the kind he reserved when he regretted what he had said, as he responded, “your uncle and your da-Garmadon want to talk to you about it.”

“First Spinjitzu Master,” Lloyd cursed as he rubbed his hand over his face; the thought of having to talk to Garmadon about how he had become exactly what he had tried to mold him into and hearing him gloat about how he had been right the whole time made Lloyd’s headache come back with a renewed throb to it, “do I have to?”

“They’re gonna have more answers than us, Lloyd,” Nya shrugged hopelessly, “but we can always stall for you, say you’re still asleep.”

“Yeah, we don’t wanna push you,” Kai insisted before his free hand became alight with fire, “and you know, just say the word and I’ll hurl this at Garmadon’s face.”

‘Wait…fire?’

“You got your powers back?”

“We all did, big shot,” Kai’s grin continued to widen as he extinguished the flame, “and I’ll give you all the details after you get some more sleep.”

Lloyd nodded, scooting himself carefully back onto the mattress so he was laying down before rolling onto his side and letting his eyes flutter shut. He felt Kai pull the blanket over his shoulder and Nya gently squeeze the same shoulder, but he just let himself welcome the darkness that engulfed him once again.

…

With help from Kai and Nya’s stalling and his first peaceful sleep for the first time in a long time, Lloyd managed to hold off the conversation for a solid five hours.

And despite that, when he finally managed to stand on his shaking legs and look at himself in the bathroom mirror, he still didn’t want to do this when he still had the option to lay down for a few more hours.

But the sharp fangs that protruded from his gums in the place of his canines and the nubs of horns that would have been fully hidden by his hair if he hadn’t just been victim to a raging fever and sweat reducing the natural volume worried him.

‘If I keep putting this off, are more things going to change?’ he couldn’t tell if he was imagining the red that had always made up his eyes trying to push through the bright green, if the Oni inside of him was fighting its way to the surface, ‘will I continue to turn into a monster until there’s nothing of me left?’

“Lloyd?” Nya’s voice was soft as it broke through the spiral and forced him to turn away from the mirror to see her slouched against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest, “do you want me to go with you?”

As much as Lloyd wanted to say yes, he had a feeling that this was meant to be a private conversation between himself, Master Wu and Garmadon, something that the others would hear from him as soon as his father made his way out of the monastery.

“No, but…” he looked down at his fingertips, wincing when he saw the dark stain of dry blood under and around his fingernails from his claws forcing themselves out which sent him to the sink to try and scrub some of it away.

Nya approached silently, her hand coming down to rest on his shoulder as she spoke, “that promise I made to you, about protecting you? I still intend to keep it, and so do the others.”

“I know.” Lloyd agreed, knowing fully well that the others wouldn’t hesitate to take Garmadon down at the first sign of danger, that they had all been very uncomfortable with his methods of trying to teach him how to control his Oni form to the point that the insult toward Master Wu was the breaking point for them.

“Do you need anything before you go talk to them?” She asked while he pulled his hands away from the sink and wiped them dry on the brown towel that hung next to the sink.

Lloyd nearly bit his tongue in order to keep himself from saying ‘I need to get out of this conversation’ until he remembered that he had fangs now and he would actually like to keep his tongue, so he settled for looking up at Nya’s grayish-blue eyes and asking.

“If it’s not too much to ask, there’s a new Starfarer movie. It’s the reboot series, so it’s not as good as the original ones, but-oomph” he couldn’t hold the sudden wince of pain as Nya hugged him tightly, but she pulled away nearly as fast as she hugged him.

“I’ll let the others know, we’ll be waiting for you,” she insisted, leaving the room with one more look and a “good luck”.

Lloyd forced his legs to bring him towards his master’s quarters and as he brought his hand to the door in a series of swift knocks, the only thought that filled him was ‘here goes nothing.’

No one opened the door, but it was unlocked when he gently nudged it, so he let himself in; he wasn’t surprised to see Master Wu and Garmadon both sitting down at the small table pushed into the back of the room, talking softly over cups of tea.

He cleared his throat, instantly gaining both of their attention from their private conversation, but he kept his attention focused on Wu’s face despite his father’s voice being the first to speak directly at him.

“He lives.”

Lloyd swallowed back his anger as he crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to look him in the eyes and keeping his attention on a slightly darker spot on the hardwood floor.

“The least you could do is sit down with us.”

“I’d rather stand.” Lloyd tried to keep back as much of the bite in his tone as possible, if only for Master Wu’s sake of having to mediate between the once-close father and son.

“How are you feeling, Lloyd?” Wu asked while filling a third teacup which he reached over to hand to Lloyd once it was three–fourths full.

He took it gratefully, the warmth from the light brown liquid warming his palms while the scent of chamomile and vanilla worked through a few of his nerves; it smelled like Steep Wisdom, like coming into his uncle’s room late at night when something was keeping him awake; above all, it smelled like home.

“I’m feeling better,” Lloyd finally looked back up at his uncle with a nod before glancing over at his father, “do you know what all of that was? Is that why you were brought here?”

“That’s exactly why I was called here,” Garmadon insisted as he stood and approached Lloyd, “Wu and I may have similar genetics, but when it comes to the Oni side of it, I have much more experience.”

The lightest touch in his hair had him flinching away from the hand that was more than likely trying to get a closer look at the horns that had emerged from his skull, and the shame only really hit him in the chest when he saw the confusion and what seemingly was regret on Garmadon’s face.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“I’ve changed, Lloyd,” Garmadon cut him off, “and you still think that way of me? You still think I would hurt you?”

“I’m trying.” Lloyd swallowed to keep the tears from falling out of his eyes, “I’m trying to let you back into my life, but after that stunt you pulled, I…” Lloyd reached his free arm up to his face to wipe the tears off of his cheeks even though he knew they would quickly be replaced.

He was angry at his father, yes, but the real emotional weight of just how hard it was for him to have him and then lose him, only for him to come back but not as the father he remembered only for him to act as though he was losing him again, was finally smacking him across the face right in front of the man himself.

“The transformation you went through, that wasn’t supposed to happen until you were much older, when you aged from an adolescent Oni to an adult Oni,” Wu filled in, letting Lloyd’s unfinished sentence hang in the air, “but between your genetics and the Tomorrow’s Tea, Garmadon and I have come to the conclusion that your body assumed you were ready.”

‘Damn Tomorrow’s Tea,’ Lloyd couldn’t help but think as he nodded along with what his uncle was saying while setting down his untouched tea, “but that’s the end of it, right? The horns and the teeth, that’s it?”

“Well, that’s part of the reason that it was so hard on you, that I was so hard on you, aside from you being too young,” Garmadon cut in, only now Lloyd could find it in himself to actually look at his father’s glowing, red eyes, “the Oni side of you will always fight to let itself out unless you learn to control it. If you keep fighting against it like you have been, there is a high chance that more of your Oni features will end up like your horns and teeth. Permanent.”

“So the purple eyes, the claws, the wings and the extra arms?” Lloyd swallowed at the sight of the mental image he was faced with, the ruthless Oni that fought for dominance, “they would always be there?”

“Precisely,” Garmadon confirmed, making Lloyd’s stomach twist, “but you are closer to controlling it between this transformation and unleashing your Oni form, you just have to learn how to bring it out when you want it to come out.”

He didn’t respond to his father but focused his attention on his uncle as he asked, “I don’t suppose you could teach me that.”

Lloyd couldn’t help but deflate when Master Wu shook his head, “Your father is the most equipped to guide you through this training, Lloyd.”

He nodded and turned back to Garmadon, bringing his eyesight upwards to look at his glowing red eyes, the ones that used to remind him of home the same way the scent of his uncle’s tea did now, before finding it inside of himself to ask, “when do we start?”

“Once your horns finish coming in, you’ll have better balance that way,” Garmadon’s voice was unwavering and void of any emotion that Lloyd could try and pick out, “should be about three days from now.”

“Okay,” Lloyd nodded in agreement and hoped that he hadn’t just signed up for hours upon hours of misery, “is there anything else that you need to tell me?”

“No, nephew,” Wu assured him, “you may leave now.”

Lloyd had never left a room faster, even if it was just to breathe in some less stuffy air and avoid having to process everything that had just happened. ‘Processing can happen later.’

And with that thought, he made his way downstairs toward his promised movie viewing and the others all while trying to keep his mind clear of any thoughts about his dad, the Oni or the pain that still occasionally radiated through his head and down his neck.

He had never been so relieved to see the others in their usual places, PIXAL and Zane setting up the movie, Cole holding the popcorn bucket that Jay had gotten when the two of them and Nya had gone to see the last Starfarer movie that had starred Cliff Gorden in the titular role, Jay and Cole already starting to eat it despite the fact that the movie hadn’t even started.

Given that Nya and Kai were sitting on the couch, leaving the spot in between them for him, Lloyd could only assume that Jay and Cole’s playful bickering had resulted in the two of them being banished to the floor like always.

Lloyd took his spot on the purple couch and shamelessly rested his aching head on Kai’s warm shoulder, his eyes already trying to flutter shut.

“Lloyd, the least you could do is try and stay awake long enough for the movie to even start.” Kai joked while wrapping his arm around him and gently rubbing his hand up and down his right arm.

“I’m gonna stay awake, ‘nless you put me to sleep.” Lloyd mumbled from where he laid, but made no move to sit up which only continued to enable Kai.

“Be nice,” Nya chastised as she finally got Cole to move the popcorn bucket upwards so she could reach some, “he’s been sick, he can sle-” she cut herself off after putting a few kernels in her mouth, “who the fuck seasoned the popcorn with ranch?”

Nya and Cole bickering about the ethics of putting ranch seasoning on popcorn was only stopped by the familiar intro music that indicated that PIXAL and Zane had finally gotten the movie started.

Lloyd tried to pay attention to the newest installment in his favorite franchise, but his eyes continued to try to flutter shut, Kai’s warm hand on his shoulder was the closest thing to a comforting embrace he had gotten in days and the blanket that someone had tossed over his body was so soft that he couldn’t help but wonder how he managed to stay awake during the first fight scene.

All he could really focus on before he drifted off wasn’t the classic “Fear? Fear isn’t a word where I come from” line, it wasn’t Jay saying that the design of the spaceship wasn’t comic accurate only to get loudly shushed by everyone else.

It was that for the first time since standing on that floating rock next to his father and Harumi, his thoughts were no longer hazy; for the first time in a long time, Lloyd’s thoughts were clear and for the first time in a long time, he welcomed the veil of sleep with open arms.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #my writing #angst #whump #fic #lloyd garmadon #lord garmadon #master wu #ninjago kai #ninjago nya #the rest of them are there but more in the background #post crystalized #oni-dragon hybrid lloyd #team as family #post quest for the lost powers #sickfic

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